#what to people get feom hating on someone else like this?

[segueintoromanticism]

what is up with all the hate Ishan gets??

Even if you are a hater, which I obviously don't support, apne account pe hate karo na usko. Why are you commenting everywhere and picking up fights with the handful of people who do support him and say anything barely nice about him?

The amount of hatred for some players and blind support for others is hypocrisy at its finest.

Like put all the blame on a young player when none of your players have played consistently this season?? Fucking morons!!! No matter what's the outcome of the match, or whoever plays bad, how bad the team is performing, galti Ishan ki hai???? Amazing!

Has no other player ever been out of form or played badly ever?

Funniest bit? Calling him overhyped. Show me the hype, man!! I would like to see it too. None of the senior players support him, commentators don't appreciate him even when he plays well, gets mocked for taking a fucking break for his MENTAL HEALTH!!!

All he has received is hate and unkindness.

But then again, what can you expect for the Indian crowd...

[ddontyyoukknow]

Why do i care so much why does my self care need to depend on weather or not soemone else whats tonortocipate why should he mayter why do i feat feeling sonso aline what is so nucr about beimg in company with aoemone else why am i allowing someone elses preperences to stifle me and my avtions and my desites and why am i listening and avtinf based onhis actions and desired as apposed to mine and why is it so hard to do all the fun things i want to do on my own. Why cant i just get up and be independent why do i care so kuch that he pirbably thinks im pathetic and silly for caring aboit him why cant i be independent i just want to break away and flourish and by my own person and do all the things i want to do and be and i what hom to regret not seeing things the way i see them i want to flourish and be unbothered and i want him to regret not listening to me and soemding time with me when he had the chance and i want to be the h teachable person i know i can be i what to flourish and be unreachable and i want him to regret me bestowing my generous advice onto him i want him to regret not thinking like me and i want life to curse life for not giving me a life oartner that undertands me and never giving me signs of people who underyamad me only ever goving me people who are unreachable and never allowing me to feel good enough and never allowing me to feel un community and never givingme a ftiend that i can fully share a blissful fun day that fills my heart WHY CANT MY HEART EVER BE FULL I ONLY ADK GOR ALOT OF SEPCIFIC THINGS BUT IF IM WORTH IT WHY CANT THOSE SPECIFC THINGS COME TO ME WHY DO I HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THese SMALL THINGS AND THESE SMALL PEOPLE AND THESE SMALL ATUPID CRYS FOR HELP AND THIS PATHETIC LIFE LACKING LIVE AND AUTHENTICITY!! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO WHY DONT I DESERVE A FULL HEART FULLY WITH LIVE DO I REALLY AHVE TO GO OUT AND DO EVERYTHING INDEPENDENTLY LIKE WHY CANT I FIND A LIVE THAT LIVES ME IN THE WAY THAT I YNDERTANA WHY CANT I JJST DO THINHS IN MY OWN I WNAT TO GO OUT AND BE UNRECCOGNIZABLE TO WHO I AM TODAY I HATE MY NAME AND I HATW WHO I AM O WNAT TO BE COOL AND UNBOTHERED AND THIN AND RICH AND I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT AND SUCCESSFUL AND I WANT TO BE U REACHABLE TO CURRENT TEDDY LILE HE IS SO BEYOND FROM HIS FULL POTENTIAL AND DOESNT CARE AND DOESNT EVER WANT TO LOVE FOWARD AND I DONT CARE FOR THAT TTPE OF ENERGY I WANT TO BLOSSOM INTO THE FULL CAPACITY THAT I CAN BE I WNAT TO BE IT ALL I JUST WANT TO GO OUT THERE AND BLOSSOM I WANT TO WORKOUTAND WALE UP walry and READ ALL THE BOOKS I WNAT TO READ IN MY LIFE AND MEDITATE AND DO TOGA AND QI GIND EVERYDAY AND EAT HEALTHY AND I WANT TO KEEP MY HOUSE CLEAN AND J WJAT TO WORK AND CREATE FUN ART PORKECTA THAY I AM SO PROUD OF AND I WANT FO GET A LIGHTPJONE AND I WHAT TO JUST BE IN LIVE WITH KYAWLF AND I DONT WNAT TO NEED ANYONE ELESE EVERY I WNAT TO BE FULLY SELF SUFFICIENT AND I WNAT TO ONLY NEED MYSELF AND I WNAT TO VIBE WITH JYSLEF AND I WHAT TO LIVE NYSWLF AND I DONT EVERY WANT TO CARE ANOUT ANYONE ELSE AOR WHAT ANYONE ELSE EVER THINGS ABIUT ME AGAIN I DONT CARE WHAT YOU DO OR WHAT TOU THINK I AM ME AND I HAVE GOAL THAT I WNAT TO ACCOMPLISH AND I DONT CARE ANYRHING ABOUT YOU IM DOING ME FEOM MOW ON OM MAKING MY OWN MONEY AND IM FLOUSRISHING. Next STEp is to woriing on being humble and allowing teddy to join mu oractuce if he ever chooses to but jever expenxting hom to and in that way assuming he wont or actually focusing on me and my liveand all the thin i liveand thatexcite me so much that teddy and his antics do not fit i my brain

[legallyspawned]

Miraculous/Justice League idea

So Hawkmoth has been around for years. Team Miraculous has found a way to store akumas without them multiplying if they sefeat it before LB is able to show up.

They have been trying to get help from the JL since their first year and have gotten laughed and not believed. The yeam knows they need help. They are just kids and can't do this forever. So Ladybug hatches a plan.

A few days later, the JL gets another message feom Paris, and whoever is on duty is about to just ignore it, but Batman or Wonder Woman are just like "What are you doing?" So they play it instead after informing whichever about the pranks.

They open the message to find a live feed of one of the worst akuma attacks they have ever faced. There is a young woman with blueish black hair and bluebell eyes ranting at them in French about how this is what they have to deal with because of the League ignoring them.

And then the akuma gets a lucky hit in on Ladybug, a blade to the gut, and the team looks on in horror as she gasps in pain and starts to bleed. They defeat the akuma and she cleanses it, but is too weak to perform the cure. She dies as her team begs her not to go, most heartfelt is a blonde boy with green eyes with a catsuit, who screams with his entire being as her breathing ceases.

"I hope your happy." The camera woman says. "Our only hope is dead. We are doomed. Tell us again how this is a prank."

The League is mortified, Wonder Woman is pissed. They immediately send a couple heroes to Paris to help. Thw citizens allow it, but give them the cild shoulder. They will give the heroes information, but glare the entire time. The second one of them try to make casual conversation, the citizsn turns and walks the other way.

The League meets Team Miraculous, and the green eyed blonde who had been wearing a cat suit (Chat Noir, they had learned he was called) was now in a suit reminiscent of the deceased hero, red with black spots, and was now calling himself Lord Bug.

One step behind him is a half-Chinese girl with a black suit, slitted cat-like blue eyes, and dark ankle-length hair tied in a tight braid. She called herself Jinx (either Reflekdoll didn't happen or she looks different enough to pass as someone else. I hated the name Lady Noir), and had a very nervous look about her, as if she wasn't sure how she wound up in her position.

If they thought the welcome they got from the citizens were cold, the heroes treated them Arctically cold. Except the shy cat who seemed awkward, but sincere in her wish to get along.

Eventually, after a few akuma attacks with the League's assistance, the team forgives most of the League, learning only one or two were at fault and they hadn't told the redt until that livestream. Then the find Hawkmoth. And the battle is won.

The heroes are going to retire, but they feel the need to tell Paris their story and reveal identities., with the League invited (mostly because, with Gabriel arrested for terrorism, many people are targetting Adrien. He almost went to the hospital after shattered glass was thrown at him).

The day it happens, all of Paris is almost crying when the heroes walk onto the stage with not Lord Bug and Jinx leading them, but Ladybug and Chat Noir.

The Team Miraculous tell all that they were tired of being brushed off. So they did livestreams to the Justice League. Max, Pegase, hacked their systems just enough to know if their message was actually being watched, and when finally it was, they used Rena Rouge to alter what they saw as the end of the battle. So instead of their being a healthy Ladybug that had succesfully dodged the fatal attack, everyone saw her die. And the person controlling the camera was a mirage of Marinette, so that she wouldn't have to go into hiding.

From that point on, Chat Noir stepped up to be the leader and Marinette pretended to be the shy beginner whenever outsiders were within range of sight and hearing. Behind closed doors, the entire Team knew who she was, so she resumed being their master strategist.

Some of the League want to be angry about being lied to, but they are shut down by the realization Wonder Woman brings them that if they hadn't been lied to, a young woman not even in her 20's would have died, because it would, in fact, have happened sooner or later.

And then the reveal happens. (Cue Lila being pissed to hell and back, preferrably from a jail cell). And Paris goes nuts. The team was popular enough already, but their civilian identities are just as well known. The classmates had stepped up as civilians to spread ways of keeping safe during attacks. They would lead fitness programs focusing on speed (to run away) and strength (in case someone was trapped). They held concerts and gatherings to help people lighten up. They snuck people out of bad situations before they reached their limit. They planted gardens around the city to make it more vibrant. And that was their personal time. They also were all famous professionally, from art and music to tech and sports, and everything in between, they are the best in the city. They made sure the city didn't just survive but lived.

And they are beloved. The city will celebrate them forever. The League offers them spots on the team if tbey want it in the future. But they say no for now. They have school to finish and careers to start. With Hawkmoth out of the way, they can live for once.

[kingleon420]

All I want to do is call Imzadi....

I want to let her know just how much I love her, miss her and how much I really do care for her. I want to say a thousand different ways how important she is to me and a thousand more ways how sorry I am for allowing myself to get so selfish and lost that I destroyed our bond that was beyond special. I want to tell her that I love her so much and am so obsessed with her that I can't go a single day without thinking of her. I want to let her know that the pain Ive caused her has made me just as sick and I also feel lost and without my best friend.

The person I am trying to see if I can move on with does not trust my bond or my friendship, especially after what I have done so even contacting Imzadi to try and make things right breaches more trust and if I had just told the truth things might be different. I didn't even think I was capable of such lies and cowardly actions. This lose-lose situation illustrates why I dont deserve forgiveness and will never forgive myself.

Everytime I speak to Imzadi all my feelings and love comes rushing back in an instant and Im once again head over heels in love and don't want to let anything go.

I feel like such a monster I dont know how I could allow myself to get to this point, Im so sorry that I allowed my love for you, my obsession with you to destroy a bond so special and to both of us something that meant a great deal.

I want our friendship and our bond back more then anything, I want my star trek friend and my comrade and the person who makes me laugh harder then anyone. I want to msg and talk to you about my everyday and hear about yours, I want to be with you so badly I could tear my own hair out if I had any. But I dont want my head and heart to keep falling back in love over and over knowing that it will never be returned in the same way, I will never have inner peace. I love you so much and want you so bad that sometimes I just can't see anything else and I will do the most selfish, lying and horrible things just so I dont lose you.

A part of me will always love you as more then friends and that will NEVER die because its too deep in me and our history but I need to learn the wisdom on how to deal with it without lying. I pine and long so hard after our past it clouds my judgment for the future.

Losing you, your respect, your love, your affection, your trust and my fur daughters has been so painful and knowing that I have done it all to you because I was too selfish and scared of losing our bond by trying to move on hurts me more then any dagger to the heart. I assure you I am not sitting on my end smiling and happy with everything ok. I know I was special to you too and the knowledge that I've killed that when you gave me your trust makes me feel sick everyday.

I dont want to make you cry anymore

I dont want to hurt you anymore

You are NOT worthless, have never been worthless and will NEVER be worthless to me.

You mean literally EVERYTHING to me and much to the dismay of anyone trying to be with me.

Do I end things with the woman I am trying to make things work with and attempt to repair the damage with Imzadi but knowing she will probably never love me romantically, or do I keep trying to move on and try make something new work but risk not talking to my best friend and soul mate for a very long time?

I can no longer hold my head up proudly and say I'm an honorable man or a good man, I cant even look at myself in the mirror. I became the one terrible thing I prided myself in NOT being, I became the very thing I despise. Im am sickened by my own character, how I can go from trustworthy and special and genuine to lying and pathetic and cowardly in the blink of an eye.

I want to talk to Imzadi more then anything and tell her everything in every detail and I would take every second of her anger and even telling me she hates me just to hear the sound of her voice but if I want to continue trying to also build back the trust of someone who does want me romantically and want to work towards a sturdy relationship here and now then I am unable to call or talk to Imzadi...this is so conflicting and frankly it feels like I dont deserve much of anyone.

I know every action I have made along with my silence tells the exact opposite but for whats its worth I have always loved you and obsessed over you and I will live with the pain I have caused you forever. I cannot say enough how eternally sorry I am that I betrayed you and our beautiful bond and hurt you when you need good honest people in your life. You did not deserve the pain I caused you and especially feom someone you thought was special, that you could trust.

I'm sorry that I couldn't just be friends and my love for you killed the most enriching and beautiful friendship I've ever had. Im sorry that my lies ended everything in an instant and left you wandering in oblivion and confusion, the thought that I was the cause of your spiraling makes my insides churn.

I'm sorry for everything and I know you will not want me to call you imzadi anymore but you will always be Imzadi to me.

I love you and I always will and I will have you in my heart and my mind until my last day. You are my soul mate. I will never go a single day where I dont think of you and regret deeply what I've done.

I know you don't want to be my significant other, especially now but without you it feels like a very big and very important part of me is missing. It sounds cheesy and stupid but my soul doesn't feel complete.

P.s I did get the Sea Shanty you sent me and yes it did make me smile, everything you send me does that, I see countless memes and things daily that I want to send you back. Im always thinking of you and missing you, it has never waned.

[themadauthorshatter]

So, the other day I made a list of our main cast of characters.

Today, I will explain their powers and roles, because I'm bored😁😂😅

Like before, we are starting with Cal, the leader of The Umbrella Academy, the burning star among them. Literally. He controls fire and is fairly resistant to temperatures ranging from boiling to freezing. He can also channel his flames into weapons such as whips to throw enemies. He's loyal to his father and will do anything for his approval, even if it means staying behind as his siblings go free and even almost dying on a mission. Even after his "accident," Cal still remained loyal, even going to the moon for research. He does take a lot of things at face value, but doesn't question anything unless he has a reason to. It takes a good man to make hard decisions, and Cal is not that man. Not exactly, at least.

Much unlike Cal, Nox has no loyalty or love towards their father, given the treatment he'd gone through as "The Mimic." At the first chance he got, Nox left the Umbrella Academy, much to Cal's chagrin because of how sporadic his mimicked weapons can get. He has close ties to law enforcements and is good at taking care of himself, a skill he learned in the Umbrella Academy. Like Diego, he's a vigilante, but unlike Diego, Nox does not like leaving criminals unpunished; it is noted that a lot of people Nox has "caught" are found with their hands missing and on the floor and the stumps where they used to be cauterized. He can hold a grudge and never forgets a face he sees. Wrong him and he'll do what he can to get you back. One way or another, his weapons will find you.

Sophie. Beautiful and famous, Sophie is a model, singer, and actress. And she did it all by herself with no help at all. Okay, yes, she rumored her way to the top, but it went downhill when her boyfriend caught her in the act of making a fan leave her alone and realized she'd probably done the same thing to him. She does the whole, "I heard a rumor" thing, but as she grew, she learned how to let people go by using a simple "thank you" when her needs, or wants, were met. She's aware of Nox's actions and finds it stupid, even for him. She and Cal had a very close relationship as each other's confidants, but his return from the moon has made it clear that they have both changed immensely and hardly changed at all. Habits are hard to break for Sophie, but she's learning how to better herself.

Axel is Cal's polar opposite. Where Cal will do anything for their father's affection, Axel will do anything for attention from any of their parental figures, even if it gets him in a hot, steaming bowl of trouble. He is a recovering addict, but he would rather be lost in a high than lost in the screaming voices of the dead. He also has quite the way with words, both with the ded and the living. He's close to everyone, but he and Cal keep their distance from each other; Cal is pure determination and control where Axel is freedom and chaos. It probably doesn't help that he talks to himself a lot, even snapping when someone else is talking. Axel hates hearing the dead and will do anything to get a high, even if it leads to him overdosing and needing CPR("They bring me back, so it's all good."). It also probably doesn't help that he doesn't want to remember what his father did to him. Ghosts from the past and the grave, both are the same to him, and he'd rather not face them, thank you very much.

Silent and hard to read, Henry had been known for appearing out of no where and scaring any poor passerby. Despite this, he has been known to be something of an ambitious boy, wanting to both time travel and see other dimensions, the multiverse if you will. On one fateful day, he disappeared and never came back. Almost 17 years later, he came back as a boy with bad news and a need for fluffer nutters. He loves each of his siblings, even though Cal's naivete can get on his nerves, Nox's recklessness is stupid and uncalled for, Sophie's refusal to use her rumors pisses him off, Axel's addiction, or rather the smell that lingers, makes him vomit, and Sora's constant cheerfulness is the worst thing he's ever seen. He will do anything to keep them safe. Anything.

Ever wonder why Axel talks to himself or snaps at something over his shoulder? Well, he's talikng to NumbervSix himself, who was lost to a mission. Roxas always had the reputation for being a bit of a short fuse connected to a large bomb. And it never helped that their father never saw the anguish it gave him to go berserk on criminals. No one likes to talk about what happened or the funeral afterwards, but all agreed that it shouldn't have happened, regardless of whether or not he didn't follow them or they didn't go back him. He reads a lot now and pesters Axel, which he can barely do outside of rehab because of the constant high Axel's on when no one's looking.

Sora. Has. No. Powers. He's always been told of this fact and brushed aside due to this fact, but he grew to accept this as he didn't want to do what the others did. ...Even if it did look like fun. He's normally a chipper young man, but does take medication due to anxiety and slight depression feom his childhood. He never forgets a refill and always takes his medicine. He's a violinist and something of a published author, the latter of which got him into some teouble with his siblings, mainly Cal, who felt it wasn't in Sora's place to do something so stupid and a little embarrassing, and Nox, who wanted to forget the treatment his was given and who felt that Sora was being a bit of a child because he didn't have to go through what the rest did. He is closest to Henry and Axel, though the former has been one of the few people to see Sora's happy facade drop completely. It also made Henry ask questions, especially when he couldn't find Sora in the future.

AND THAT'S THE POWERS AND ROLES!!!

Though, this is more of a wiki summary of each of the siblings😂😅

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this post and be on the look out for more!!!!

[magnolia-penn]

About Me!! And also some Rules!!

It has come to my conclusion that I haven't really said anything about myself on this hell hole so here we go!

Name: Magnolia

Fun fact, I was named after a stripper that my father owed a favor to. (Long story)

Age: I am Nineteen years old

Gender: I think the right term is cis female? Please please please correct me if I'm wrong. I was born female and I am female. So sorry if I got it wrong.

Pronouns: She/her, but I'm chill with anything.

Sexuality: I'm pansexual. *insert shitty pan joke here* and I am taken! Sorry peeps, I am off the market.

Nationality: American!! WOO!! (someone please hug me I hate it here)

Ethnicity: I am actually primarily Ojibwe! It's a Native American tribe feom up north by the great lakes. After that, its Latin America and African American! Plus some other little European countries.

I still live with my parents so expect a lot of strange quotes from them!

Likes: JJBA. Dr. Stone, Demon Slayer, other anime and manga, Obey Me!, plants and Horticulture, animals, makeup and fashion, memes, other mainstream media, music, anthropology and psychology... Lots of things really!

Dislikes: Ho boy. There is no word count in the world that can hold this list.

For starters, I hate the ocean, I hate not being able to see what's beneath me or what exists, I H A T E Canadian Geese with a seething passion, and I hate strawberries.

Also! Here are some Rules. These are pretty basic and there are probably more that I can't think of off the top of my head.

No politics! No opinions! No Drama! I am so sick and tired of hearing about this! If you don't like this, LEAVE!

You can, of course, tell me your opinions of my work and of your favourite media. Just no real world shit unless I ask.

No Negativity! This is a happy place where everyone is friends! If you don't like this, LEAVE!

I am willing to hear out any problems you might have, but don't come in here with the intention of bringing me down. Don't diss me, don't diss my friends, don't diss my followers. That simple.

No Nastiness! I don't want your p*dos, I don't want your phobias (unless they're actual phobias like arachnophobia. Then I wanna hear all about it. Psychology interests me) I don't want racism! And No No No No anything nonconsensual!!!

No fighting in my inbox! I see people anons get into it in their inboxs and it just annoys me.

I'll make a separate post for request rules and anything else people might need to know. All posts like these will be under the tag #rules and #aboutme.

If you have any questions please please please ask me either in my inbox or direct messages. I am willing answer any questions and update these posts.

[cheerupbabyy]

i genuinely have no words or power in me to express how i feel and what i think about all of this

but i will try

as a white european person i had no idea and i still dont know if its my place to say anything but what i DO KNOW is that racism or any other type of discrimination angers me to my core

idk why i feel this way what is it that makes me feel this way but it doesnt matter because this is how everyone should feel

i have been seeing stuff on every possible social media platform trying to set my mind straight and understand all of this and its been really hard

NO NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE WITH COMMON FUCKING SENSE IS GONNA KNEEL ON SOMEONE'S NECK FOR ALMOST 10 MINUTES THINKING THAT EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE OKAY AND THAT THEY CANT HARM THE PERSON

THROUHJ MY ENTIRE LIFE I'VE BEEN WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE BUT TJIS LEVEL OF HATE HAS NO ANSWER AND EXCUSE FOR IT CAZSE THIS IS SICKENING

DURING ALL THESE DAYS I'VE BEEN SEEUNG NOTHINH OTHER THAN STUFF ABOUT THIS SITUATION, PROTESTS AND SPREADING AWARNESS AND SEEING ALL THESE VIDEOS OF OTHER SITUATIONS LIKE THE ONE WITH GEORGE AND NOW STUFF FEOM PROTESTS AND THE WAY PEOPLE ARE BEING TREATED

i am sick i feel sick my head hurts

so much anger and sadness is filling me up and i wish to fly out to USA and march among other protestors and stand side by side with them to fight this bullshit

i feel sad for USA cause it seems extremely scary to live in such an awful place

but i feel mostly heartbroken for black people and everyone who gets opressed and discriminated against for being who they are

FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT

i pray for black people, i pray for george floyd and his family i pray for the protestors and everyone out there in any kind of danger

idk what else there is to say idk if i worded myself correctly even with everythinf i said but i dont think it matters

bc all that matters is i stand by #BLACKLIVESMATTER and i will continue to pray for everyone currently fighting the system and everyone who is in danger

[chi-----chi]

This is a post to no one bc idrk if anyone i used to talk to on tumblr or like anyone who follows me is still around but i just wanna share some shit bc this is my blog and i can🤷🏽‍♀️

I joined tumblr when i was like... 13 i think? It wasnt the first online thing i was super involved in. Before that I was on fanpop lol. Anyway, i really got into it bc it was a bunch of people involved in ‘geeky’ stuff and that wasnt normal in my small town. It made me feel really accepted and it was cool. I even made some cool friends (not a lot bc i feared talking to strangers lol) but it kinda fucked me up too?

Now im sure people have noticed and i really dont know if this is the case still cause i rlly only follow meme blogs but there eas a desire on this site to just be miserable during the first 3 years i was on here. Everybody wanted to be sad or offended by legitimately everything. It was fucked up but as a young kid (who had no business on this site honestly) this really influenced me. I felt that in order to fit in or just onderstand i kinda needed to be miserable?? I got myself into these deep depressed states and these awful mindsets because thats how the internet said i should be. I became withdrawn and I really think this mindset is really what triggered my social anxiety. (I kinda figured id get normal anxiety cause of genes but not social oof)

At first i had it in my head that i wasnt gonna talk to people bc i live in a small town and theyre ignorant and racist (my town is mostly half breeds and mexicans and i was an asshole). I kinda got this god complex??? Like somehow i was better bc i read a few posts on tumblr about new age issues. This hate kinda grew into fear tho. Like over the years instead of wondering what was wrong with people i started to wonder what was wrong with me? I started to fear anyone i saw laughing or even talking near me bc i assumed it was about me. I wouldnt talk to my friends if they were at a table with strangers bc i feared i would annoy them or they would dislike me. I sat alone during morning break my 9th grade year because i didnt want to disturb my friends at a table with like 2 strangers. I started thinking my friends hated me and even my family and... god i was alone and i didnt feel like this was right anymore?? Like at first i liked relating to all the edgy textposts and memes about hating others and being alone but it got to real.

I started getting breathing pains in 9th grade where i wouldnt be able to breath all the way in and i couldnt get enough air but ot faded. I got kinda good at talking to people again bit i was still scared. I would sit alone in most classes cause none of my friends had the same classes as me but that was cool because my safe haven was band first period and lunch and those two periods just really got me to kinda open up. I ended up becoming a section leader for band and thats a lotta strangers i gotta be in charge of but it was ok until my junior year. I started having the breathing pains again but it was different. I really couldnt get any air and it made me wanna faint. I ended up leaving in the middle of morning rehearsals one day and me and my mom went to the clinic. The dr examined my breathing and what not and determined that I had been having mini panic attacks. We finally got me started on some meds even tho my mom and dad werent sure but god they changed my life.

The rest of my junior year went well and me and my parents noticed a change right awwy. My fears feom before were just like poofed away. My senior year tho was the changer. I did so mich sit and had so much fun. I could just talk to people??? I could go up to someone and just talk to them??? I could call my own appointments or other lines. It was so new but at the same time i didnt even realise i was changing. I stopped getting on tumblr bc it was just bumming me out. I had this new perspective on life and god i was just so sick of being miserable and hating myself.

I love being me now. I love that i can talk and meet new people and go to new places withought fear. I feel so grounded and free to be me. Im not worried about impressing others or caring about if certain people will care what i posted or whatever. I was done worrying and hating and i was ready to be in the moment and be me for once in my life. I was finally feeling confident.

Im in college now and im happy. Im not afraid to stand up for myself anymore and im willing to ask questions in class. I can sit alone in my room for a day without me thinking im alone cause im hated. And i can get on tumblr again and look at funny poctures and reminisce in my old days of a fandom blogger and what not. It wasnt all bad, i made some really great friends and i may not talk to them but I remember them and I remember feeling acceptance from them which ment a lot to me back then. I also got just really informed on what was happening in the world and the issues within peoples lives and thats part of the reason i became and family and child sciences major.

Im happy about the person ive become and im ready for what else is to come. Thanks

[midsummer-ambedo]

Bored in bed sooo

111 Questions

001: What is your biggest dream?

To be able to live a happy and fullfilling life.

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done?

Stood up for myself/ other people/ my opinion in certain situations

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings?

Sometimes yes, usually no

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little?

Probably to work at an auction or as a specialist in art for the police. When I was little I wanted to become an author.

005: What is your favorite sound?

Sound of rain tapping on the roof, the waves crashing against the shore, the wind howling through the trees

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it?

Rather behind but I‘m getting more comfy with being infront of it too

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet)

In real life probably their height, face, hair. On the internet probably their humour.

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?

A few very close friends!

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?

Yes, it‘s a secret

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?

Probably did, It doesn‘t really bother me

011: What are you going to spend money on next?

Food

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?

My phone, my chapstick and hankerchiefs

013: What is your favorite place?

Somewhere at the beach

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people?

Sure, rather singing than dancing tho

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?

Yes

016: What is your current desktop background?

A fox

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

Funny, witty, caring

018: What does make you happy?

Yummy food, good friends, funny jokes, being able to have a day for myself

019: What time were you born?

No idea

020: Do you give second chances? Why?

Depends but usually I do because I‘d rather regret doing something than not doing it

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs.

Turn ons; good smell, pretty hair, humour, a good taste, being spontaneous, being able to keep it up with me

Turn offs; boring people, a lot of insecurities, unable to be indepentend, nothing to talk about

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?

Yesterday

023: What is your favorite food?

i‘ve got too many, a lot of veggies and fruits but also anything from soup to burgers to pizza

024: Do you save money or spend it right away?

Usually I try to save a bit of it

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?

I‘ve got two, one is a little heart on my sleeve because I wear my heart on my sleeve and because one of my favourite bands made a song about getting a heart tattoo haha. The other one is the hand of adam in the picture feom michealangelo next to a mouse finger, doesn‘t really have a meaning I just thought it looked cool and it matches my arthistory studies

026: Name five things you find beautiful.

Dogs, cats, flowers, the ocean, forrests

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others)

In me, I don‘t really have one or rather I‘ve got s few I like (anything from sporty to goth basically haha) ob others probably something 70ies ish

028: How do you cheer yourself up?

With walks, music, doing something to care for myself

029: Do you show affection in public?

Yes

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?

Finally finishing my degree

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?

Russia, italy, france, spain, netherlands, kazachstan

032: What was the last lie you told and why?

Not sure?

033: Who are the people you can always turn to?

M, S, A

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?

Smoked weed before, didn‘t really phase me. Probably wouldn‘t wanna try anything else

035: What is your favorite word?

It always changes

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic?

Not a hardcore romantic but yes

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?

My phone because it‘s basically my life, chapstick because I‘m addicted haha and my plants because they are my babies

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?

Yes, a few band people

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself?

Mentally, being more mentally stable, being less keen of revenge, being more peacefull. Phyisically probably just loosing a few pounds

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for?

I think I did probably something back in school

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences?

Kill someone

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters?

Don‘t really like fictionaly characters

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else?

Sometimes, usually it‘s rather someplace else

044: What is your favorite store to shop at?

Asos, zalando

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?

Yes, two. Mika and paul

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger?

I don‘t haha

047: What do you want for your birthday?

More plants, money, a new phone, a new laptop