#what isn't improved by a bit of butter

[guinevereslancelot]

my cooking advice is use more butter

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Soft chunky fem!stan who still loves boxing and wants to show off how strong she is to Ford so she crushes a watermelon in-between her thighs🚀🌋💥

Hey there anon! It's your unlucky day, because I know you where hoping for art, but I'm the mood to write, instead. You get a short fanfic. I HC that fem!Stan (just gonna call her Stan from now on, short for Constance) isn't allowed to box. Even more than that, actually: Filbrick didn't allow her to take boxing lessons, and Caryn forbid her to box at all, because "You already inherited your father's nose, sweety! What would become of your face if you broke it? your face is the one good thing you have...don't look at me like that, you know you're too fat". So, of course, Stan convinces Ford to give her secret lessons. He said no, at first- he doesn't want to get into trouble, and doesn't want her to get hurt! She is a girl, after all! why can't Stan just resume ballet lessons, like mom wants? But Stan is not only extremely stubborn, she knows her Sixer will do anything, if she strokes her ego right. She insists he would be a great teacher: he's so good at explaining stuff to her! And he's got so much better with boxing, over the years, she is sure he's got amazing tips and tricks to share. Ford knows she is buttering him up, he's not stupid. But eventually, as he always does, capitulates.

Ford doesn't even understand why Stan is so enthusiastic about boxing. It's boring to him. But she absorbs all the basics fast, and gets so disappointed and whiny when he puts his foot down and says he refuses to spar with her, now that he taught her everything he knows. He would never, ever hit her, no matter if it's just to exercise. Stan protests that she will never be able to improve, without a training partner, but this time Ford means it, so eventually she stops asking. She doesn't give up, though. Stan convinces Ford to sneak her in the gym after everyone left, this time, to massacre the sack with all her frustrations. It is quite a sight to behold, and a private spectacle Ford can't help but admire. She's starting to pack up some muscle mass, under her soft curves, and she must like it as much as Ford does, because eventually Stan starts to do squats and even attempts push ups, at the gym and in their room. One day, she gets this idea in mind. She wants to prove herself, by crushing a watermelon with her thighs muscles. Maybe she saw the trick in a magazine or something. It's such a stupid stunt, that it makes Ford roll his eyes when he first hears about it- but Stan's eyes sparkle when she talks about it, so of course, he agrees to assist her. Stan goes for the biggest watermelon she spots in the store, first, but Ford eyeballs that it would take about 364 pounds to crush it, and she should humble herself a bit- for once. Eventually she settles for one that may take about 200-something pounds, and brings it home. Despite the downgrade, Ford is still convinced the challenge is way above her sister's current might. And indeed, he doesn't hide a smug smile when she squats down to press the melon with all her strength, and the fruit stays stubbornly intact. She's a knucklehead tomboy, she knows that, right? Let's call it a day and slice that thing up for a snack, before she gets all bruised up. But his sister growls at him she can do it! She just needs to press some more. Maybe try something different.... When she lies down and props herself on her elbows, gripping the melon between her crossed thighs, something changes.

Not because she immediately succeeds, but because Ford doesn't feel amused anymore. Stan is groaning, cussing, blushing, tossing her head back, while her long legs tense up, wrapped around that stupid melon. Both twins are sweating, but for entirely different reasons. Ford begins to be afraid the tension building up between his own thighs may soon be a problem, so he tries to call the whole stunt off. "Stan, enough!" he exclaims, getting up, hoping by realizing her sole spectator is leaving, she will give up. "WAIT!" she growls, panting furiously, chest bobbing up and down "I'M SO CLOSE!". Ford is frozen into place- because he's stuck by the sight of her, so downright obscene, and because she is right: the watermelon is cracking. With a gross, squelching noise, the watermelon POPS- making Stan moan in triumph and exhaustion, as the red juice wets her trembling thighs, traveling down- Ford gulps down a lump in his throat- down between her ass cheeks and lower back, and drippling on the floor. Some droplets even splattered all over her white shirt, peppering her cleavage with tiny, pulpy, red hearts and dots. The final straw, for Ford, is when she looks up at him and winks- she winks, the shameless teas that she is- and says, between heavy breathes "See, Sixer? Am I the strongest girl in the world or what?". Ford looks at her in what he hope comes across as deadpan, rather than sexually frustrated, and curtly replies: "Yeah, well done. I'm not helping you cleaning up that mess" before booking out, running to the bathroom. OMAKE: Stan bruised her inner thighs and Ford once saw her spreading ointment over it, and he busted the biggest nut by masturbating imagining he was the one applying it. THE END.

[maceysbookclub]

4 types of criticism

So my Criticism vs Bullying post went well, I thought I would Expand on it a bit.

There are 4 types of criticism. Positive constructive, Negative constructive, Positive Destructive, and Negative Destructive.

Positive Constructive is what we all want to hear. "I love this so much, this character is written so well. I like when they do x or y." The unfortunate thing is we don't get enough affirmations when we do something well and this is the rarest form of criticism. You will only experience this when you have an audience who really like your work.

Negative Constructive is the bread and butter of criticism. You need to be told what doesn't work so you can improve. "I didn't like this because this character did x and that's not believable." You should love this, even though it might hurt to admit your faults. Do not fight against this criticism, people are trying to help you.

Positive Destructive, the worst enemy of the beginner. You probably got this without knowing it. You ask a friend or family or loved ones to look at your work. Then a few weeks later, ask them what they think. "Oh, I liked it, keep going." Like great input, what did you like? Did you even read it? Was there anything you didn't like? I need help. They mean well, but don't want to discourage you with criticism. Unfortunately this comes off as uncaring, but the reality is they weren't interested, or they didn't have time to spare. Don't blame them, they have lives where you aren't the center of their world. They want to help, but you are asking the wrong person. Just accept the compliment and keep looking for a better test subject.

Negative Destructive is just frustrating. It gives you little to work with and offers no insight. "I hated this character." At least you got that they didn't like something, now you need to figure out what they didn't like about the character. This is probably the most common form of criticism and it usually isn't meant to be mean, but the critic doesn't know what they didn't like or how to communicate it.

Criticism can be harsh, but the people who care most about your work are the ones giving it. Think of the people who pile on to big things like star wars. They like it, so they want to make it clear that they don't like the changes. They want the end result to be good, and if you fight against them, you are actively hurting your audience. This is a big issue in the games industry right now, where developers refuse to take criticism and are attacking the players who care most about the games. They are making the players out to be the bad guy when all they want is to help and be involved in something they care about.

Not all criticism is correct, but it is worth listening to. You get to hear who the people are who want to support you. Just because you disagree doesn't mean they don't have value to share.

[teddy-bear-scribbles]

Obey Me Datables Breakfast HCs

Lucifer-

•He's canonically not a morning person, so he wouldn't have much energy

•He'd make coffee how you like it though

•if you don't drink coffee probably pour some juice for you

•He would be very appreciative if you made him breakfast in bed instead

Mammon-

•He normally doesn't cook breakfast for people, beyond when it's his chore, but for you he'd make an exception!

•He wants to make you a classic breakfast in bed, bacon and eggs

•Got a bedside table so you can eat in bed

•The bacon is a bit salty and extra crunchy, and the egg isn't the best

•He gives you a glass of milk and tells you it's because humans need the stuff in it for their bones to grow

•you're unsure whether or not to tell him human's bones stop growing after a certain age, which you're likely past

Levi-

•He does have some cooking expertise, he wouldn't make it often

•when he does though, it'd probably be something like an omelette with a picture drawn in ketchup on it

•he wouldn't bring it to you in bed but he'd still surprise you with it

•in contrast to what you think, he'd probably draw something more suited to your taste as opposed to something ruri chan themed or anything based on one of his interests

•especially if your interests are nerdy like anime

Satan-

•Makes a slightly more complicated breakfast for you like eggs benedict

•Also brings it to you in bed

•If you're willing he'd probably feed it to you

Asmodeus-

•Despite what you might think he'd put a lot of effort into learning to cook breakfast for you

•He'd make something like a sweet crepe

•He'd spend hours trying to make it perfect and aesthetic for you

•Offers a variety of fruit for you to put on it at your own discretion

•Also a healthy smoothie, probably mainly strawberry

Beelzebub-

•He's not much of a cook, but he learned that humans sometimes make their partners breakfast in bed

•He didn't realize it typically meant cooking it yourself so he probably got akudonalds or something like that

•He thinks sharing food with you is romantic, it's his way of showing his trust and love for you

Belphie-

•Makes fried eggs and slightly burnt toast

•He would improve over time as he continues to do it

•Also gives it to you in bed, sits/lies next to you while you eat as you have casual conversation

Diavolo-

•I think he would be an absolute disaster in the kitchen

•It would be a wreck

•Barbatos does most of the cooking so he never really learned

•Its the thought that counts though, I suppose

•He probably got ambitious and tried to make waffles and french toast

•Barbatos is now teaching him to cook

Barbatos-

•This man is a master chef, it's canon, he could cook a 5 course meal for breakfast

•But realistically? No

•He would covertly learn your preferences and make breakfast suited just for your tastes and dietary needs

•If you have no drink preference, he'd make a different tea each time, so you can continually try new things

•He puts flowers in a vase as decoration

•He uses flower meanings when choosing which to use

•"Peonies represent good fortune, I hope this may inspire as much for you today."

Simeon-

•He'd make his signature pancakes, syrup and butter on the side if you'd like

•His voice is extra raspy in the morning

•also brings you your drink of choice

•If you have no preference, orange juice

Solomon-

•fucking RUN.

•C'mon be serious

•"Good morning MC, I made you breakfast in bed." From Solomon is the start of a horror movie

•I know some people say they'd try his cooking but it's literally canonically lethal and makes demons sick

•You are not built different

•Maybe just, make breakfast in bed for him, instead.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Now that chapter 2 is mostly over for all the members but Jin (whose chapter 2 is finally starting!), I wanted to write down my thoughts on how I think each member's reputation and image changed, what I learned about them, what my perception of them is now, etc.

For J-Hope, I think this was a great opportunity for him to "free" himself from the hope persona - which is very important and true to him but also constricting - and to promote himself more as a musical artist than a dancer - despite being the main dancer, even in his BTS solos Hobi usually chooses to limit his dancing. I think Hobi showed a cooler, smoother, stylish, more mature side of himself that increased his popularity and brand and resonated with a lot of people. He also proved that he's more than capable of going solo, even if I personally have mixed feelings about his voice.

I think Suga's chapter 2 was relatively "forgettable". He already had the image he wanted, released the music he wanted, produced what he wanted, so there was nothing to prove or show. Suga dropped an album that I'm pretty sure he didn't think was anything special and then went on tour. He also had fun with Suchwita. I think most of what he did was for Army and BTS, with the exception of the tour which was also for him. I don't think his solo ventures really felt like him going solo, but more like a side job. He did well, but I'm not sure his popularity, reputation, or image changed substantially - I mean, no more than expected.

RM had a pretty wild chapter 2. Through Indigo he explored a more artistic and uncensored side we all knew of, but it was in the build-up to RPWP than he started to express his opinions more freely. His amazing and diverse collabs also helped show a cooler and trendier side of him. RPWP was the game changer though. I think RM finally "escaped" his BTS leader image and mainstreamed this sexy, quirky, artsy, smart yet unserious image which he already had but the GP didn't know. Music wise, he's the one who did the most, showed the most, and had the most incredible material - even if his music isn't mostly to my taste. He's the most natural soloist along with JK imo.

V chose a path similar to Suga's. He did a lot of variety, which we already knew he liked, hanged a lot with the Wooga Squad, who we already knew, released a few songs in a style we knew he liked, did lots of photoshoots and work in fashion, which we also already knew he enjoyed... I don't think V took chapter 2 very "seriously" in the sense that he didn't strategically try to brand himself differently or find his own voice. He might've even released Layover a bit more for us than himself. He already had a strong brand and didn't change it. I think his popularity decreased a bit comparatively to Jikook because he was very lowkey.

Jungkook... well, he exploded in popularity. He had his BWL moment in Dreamers and L&R, his Dynamite in Seven, and his Butter in SNTY - kinda. His songs are GP friendly and in English, so they had a lot of impact, and his CK campaigns were genius marketing because they helped build this image of a sexy, attractive, gender nonconforming guy who can be both gender neutral and conventionally masculine. CK is also accessible to a lot of people so he got his face (and body) plastered all over the world. The collabs helped some too. Jungkook really committed even if at first he wasn't sure about releasing an album. I think he grew the most as a performer. He has continuously showed growth over the years, but imo he grew the most during the pandemic and chapter 2. His singing and dancing became more refined and unique, his stage presence and stamina improved. He was on fire with SNTY. Jungkook's vocals, dancing (eg. the sultry, relaxed hand movements he does now), stage presence, visuals, attitude, etc., all reached another level, an iconic level. Jungkook really changed his image, beginning in 2022 when his lives become so unfiltered - he sang his heart out, shared his life, didn't censor himself as much. I think Jungkook changed a lot - dropped the veil a bit -, and his music was a natural progression of him letting more of himself show. At first I didn't get it, but now I think it all fit JK really well - even if I don't/didn't like all of it. He's so effortlessly confident and comfortable on stage now, though. He might not have grown as a songwriter, but he grew so much as a performer, which is his art.

Lastly, Jimin... he surprised the most tbh, but in a negative-ish way. I had huge expectations for him and felt disappointed with his solo chapter. His image changed a lot, but in his case I loved the "old" Jimin better... I wanted something like Filter and Lie, I wanted him to show amazing dances and visuals. But he really went on a different route. He focused on singing and music the most, investing a lot in writing his own stuff, which is great but a bit unexpected. He focused a lot on inner reflection and less on his idol self, which up until then I thought was what he wanted us to see the most. And by becoming less "idol-like", he changed a lot. His choreos are more relaxed and less attractive now imo, and he engages his dance crew a lot whereas before he mostly carried his dances alone. He also showed us a much shier and reserved side of himself. His vocals changed too, or at least how he sounds in songs... I know Jimin had a lot of success, but I was surprised by how "unremarkable" I found him as a soloist. I thought he would set the world on fire, but he didn't take many risks on stage - his songs were risky, but not his performances or styling - or stand out that much. During Face he even looked a bit uncomfortable. He shines in BTS, but I don't believe Jimin truly shined on his own - not like he could've. I find his image less attractive and marketable now than pre-2022 Jimin - and that's okay but I lost a lot of interest in him as a performer. I used to love his fancams, but now I don't really care. He's still the cutest and loveliest, but, selfishly, this is not the artist Jimin I wanted.

Anyway, I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on this!

[sleepyricee]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks for the tag @reviiely !! I'm a small (semishira) fic writer but very proud to be part of the community so I'll give this a shot.

How many works do you have on AO3?

I've written a grand total of 13 (all SemiShira heh). My writing inspiration comes in spontaneous bursts.

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes?

1) A Sleepy Shirabu - 127

I'm glad that this one is at the top, since it's one of my favourites. It also promotes my username in a way, since I'm a sleepy person. I relate to this fic in my SOUL. Whenever I reread it, it takes me back to surviving on one hour of sleep. It felt like a daze but also sparked my creativity levels so yay.

2) Coffee and Chaos - 82

My second fic ever ayyyy. I actually wrote this down before typing it up. It didn't turn out as planned, but was still entertaining and I absolutely adore coffee shop AUs so I'm glad this one is getting noticed.

3) Pucker Up - 76

My first attempt at a 3+1 fic. Also one of my first attempts at writing kiss scenes. I found it quite cute so I'm glad other readers do too.

4) Trustfall - 67

This is a silly little fic that popped up in my mind and I loved it instantly. It's pretty short but was very fun to write and reread. I'm tempted to start a series where the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team just do random challenges to improve their teamwork skills.

5) Brownies with you - 67

I haven't baked brownies in a painfully long time, but I thought of this when my sister mentioned how one of her classmates was always baking brownies. My first thought was "wow, it'd be amazing to room with her" and my second was "wait, this could happen in the Shiratorizawa kitchen" and thus this fic was born.

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

YESSS I LOVE COMMENTS!! I'm just terribly late with my responses but I'll always reply to them <33

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I'd say "Still missing you" but I haven't really written many angsty fics. Angst isn't my forte and I'm such a sucker for fluff.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Possibly "Under the shade, by the lake" but most of my fics have fluffy endings. I just like this one the most :)

Do you write crossovers?

Nope but I'd love to try writing a Haikyu ship in a Harry Potter au. I've seen a couple and am so in love with how people have written them. I'd highly recommend "Of polaroids and peanut butter cookies" (semishira being so so cute in Hogwarts)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope. Everyone is honestly so sweet, lovely, and supportive.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. I'm into writing wholesome stories with witty banter and chaos.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not lol. If I have, then I'm completely clueless about it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I feel like that'd be pretty interesting. I'd love to hear different linguists pronounce the characters' names.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Currently, I feel like I'm better as a solo writer. Maybe in the future, I'll try co-writing out.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

SEMISHIRA ACKSDN MY OTP (if that wasn't obvious) I thrive off their bickering and their dynamic is so fun to write.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Definitely "His Feathered Dreams" which I started approximately one or two months ago and still haven't completed.

What are your writing strengths?

Fluff. So much fluff. Featuring Shirabu being sleepy/overworking himself.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue without a doubt. I struggled with dialogue when I started out, but I can see some improvement. It's pretty difficult for me to keep everyone in character, but writing conversations is honestly really fun.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

That'd be pretty fun. I can imagine Oikawa or Hinata slipping into Spanish on occasion, or Lev and Yaku speaking Russian. I don't know Russian but I know bits of Spanish so I could try experimenting.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

This question feels crafted specifically for Ushiten. I love their unconventional pairing so much!! In fact, I'm planning a Christmas themed fic for these two and I'm looking forward to the results (I'll try to keep them as cannon as possible lol)

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Either "A Sleepy Shirabu", "Under the shade, by the lake" or "Hypocritical Oath". I honestly love these so much. I think I was in the zone while writing them, and all of these are pretty wholesome (or at least have a wholesome ending).

All of the people I would've tagged have already been tagged, so I'll end my lil review here. Thanks for reading till the end <333

[melishade]

The Beloved Timeline is so sweet it's giving me a sugar rush! Optimus and Elita bring kind and supportive to each other is the greatest thing I've ever witnessed. Can you imagine what it must be like for the people of Paradise to witness Optimus, the stoic and super serious but gentle metal giant, be head over heels for someone?

Survey Corp must be in disbelief when they see Optimus being a stuttering dork:

Or a smooth as butter romantic.

It must be quite a sight to behold.

Previous Episode of the Beloved Timeline

Number 21

Pilot Poll Open until next Sunday

I suppose now is as good a time as any to talk about dynamics.

They want nice things for Optimus, because the last time that someone from Optimus' past showed up (Megatron) it was literal hostility until the coup was over. And even though the coup is over, there's still a strain between the two, and Megatron isn't making it any better.

Elita coming into the picture is a literal god-send to the Survey Corps! Even though the only ones who know of Elita and Optimus relationship are the Survey Corps, Pixis, and Megatron, everyone in the military has noticed that Optimus' mood has improved substantially! He's smiling! The only ones who had seen Optimus smile up until that point were Eren and Hanji! Optimus and Elita will be professional for professional sake and for the prevention of blackmail. They keep their relationship moments private for the most part. However there is some slip up P.D.A. in the workplace. And the Survey Corps cannot help but just be invested in the rekindling romance! When the two have an argument though and it's visible, the Survey Corps get so worried though. Sometimes it'll be as simple as doing a task, and it's a simple debate but a good portion of them are freaking the fuck out thinking they have to fix it.

Levi: They think you're having an argument.

Elita:...we were just talking about moving some items in the neutral ship.

And despite the fact that Elita social skills are quite rusty, she gets along better with the Survey Corps then Megatron ever did. After she beat the shit out of Megatron, she and Levi have become instant friends. Hanji is...well they are a little bit too much for Elita to handle but she knows they mean well. Elita is perplexed on how they've been able to somehow manage Megatron but Hanji replies that they have their own stubborn bastard in the form of Levi.

Levi kind of reminds Elita of Megatronus, but for the sake of Levi's sanity she keeps her mouth shut

The others in the Survey Corps do hesitate in approaching her, and sometimes Elita botches her social skills, but they still get along well enough. The only one who's kind of having trouble adjusting to this is Eren, unfortunately. It's not that he doesn't want Optimus happy! He does! Optimus is his mentor/father figure! Eren looks up to him! But on top of the fact that his first encounter with Elita was him was her trying to kill him, and the fact that Optimus actually being in a relationship with someone was kind of...weird? Eren was...jealous in a weird way. He and the Survey Corps have been trying to ease Optimus' worries and such and Elita just being there improved Optimus' mood substantially. He gets it. Elita's known Optimus for longer than anyone else except for Megatron, and they were in a relationship, and Optimus thought Elita was dead. Hell, if his mom came back to life, he'd be over the moon. He just...felt horrible for thinking this way.

One day, Elita does cover for Optimus when Hanji wants to do experiments with Eren. As Eren's doing experiments, Elita can't help but be curious and want to see Eren's battle prowess. Optimus had told her he was training him, and Optimus seemed to form a bond with the human. And Elita wanted to test out her new weapons she had crafted from the crew that she had mourned for. So Elita challenges him to a duel. Eren complies, but Elita can't help but hate how hesitant he's being and actively calls him out on it. She's just so sick of being treated as fragile at this point. Eren tries to explain that's not the reason, but Elita continues saying that she took on him and gave Megatron a run for his money. And so she immediately teaches him a lesson. His hesitance in taking on an opponent because they look like someone, or you might know them, will give any other Autobot or Decepticon the upper hand in killing him. And Decepticons would take full advantage of his vulnerability in that moment. And just to cement it further, she cuts off his leg. Eren ends up falling backwards but Elita kicks his stomach, causing him to skid across the ground, for good measure.

Eren is literally thinking that it's Annie all over again and he hates it.

Eren does put in more effort this time and gets over his hesitance and hones in on his anger, but he still loses. Obviously. He does knock the sword out of her servo at one point, but she just pulls out her new weapons, which are knuckle brasses and punches him in the face, blinding him. Eren does ultimately apologize to Elita and explains that he wasn't trying to treat Elita like she's fragile. He just...doesn't entirely know how to feel about her. He's happy for Optimus, but...he thinks this is weird and he doesn't know why. Elita knows that she can't entirely change his mind set about it. She knows Optimus cares for him, and no doubt Eren cares about Optimus. But she does offer her own services to Eren if he's willing to learn, just so he can get stronger and that the two of them can feel more comfortable around each other. Eren can't help but feel excited and tells her thank you.

More and more, the younger members of the Survey Corps, specifically the 104th will start to see her as a role model.

[fuckkbrunch]

Strap in. This is a long one.

I could have broken this into three posts, but it was all served on one plate, so it's all going in one post. Logic.

I bought my meat from a local place, and I do think it improved the quality. Going to try to do that as often as I can afford to for these recipes.

So this meatloaf is fucking massive. Tony says to cook it in "a loaf pan" but I don't know who has a loaf pan big enough for that much meat. Splitting it up would mean fucking with the cook time, so instead I just built myself a loaf pan...

This is a 2:1 mix of beef and veal. I could have diced the onion and celery a little finer, but my knife isn't so hot and I was honestly doing too many things while cooking this meal. People were texting me time sensitive shit while I was prepping, it was a whole thing. I can find excuses for anything.

Couldn't find the fresh version of the herbs I needed, so I used dried marjoram and some thyme springs I had in my freezer.

Pretty typical mushroom gravy. Beef stock instead of veal stock. Dicing a pound of mushrooms is quite possibly the most annoying prep task ever.

Now this one is 2:1 potato and butter. It called for a ricer or a food mill, which I don't have. So I took one for the team and I pressed the cooked potatoes through a perforated strainer. By hand. It took some time. Well worth it though.

This one, I had the recipe roughly in my head. Hadn't checked the book right before shopping, and I thought it needed pancetta. So I bought a 9 dollar bag of pancetta that I didn't need. Luckily I almost always have bacon at home.

These are the most butter filled mashed potatoes I've ever made. This meal used an entire pound of butter.

The sprouts were a tiny bit over done, but that's totally on me and my timing being a little off. Will definitely be making these again.

Next time I really need to do my prep the day before. My kitchen is too small for this shit...

I have to resort to using my toaster as a shelf, and my sponge holder to set my salt down on. My beautiful no name™ brand kosher salt. It'll likely be a recurring object in more than a few of my reviews.

Everything just about done, kosher salt still at the ready. It feels illegal to take ground meat out of the oven when it's only at 150°, but it really turned out perfectly after resting.

Not gonna lie, that mushroom gravy looks like a pile of cat puke to me. A few of my friends reassessured me that once you know it's mushrooms, it looks better. I think they're being nice. Look at the fin on those potatoes though. These babies are holding so much butter, it's insane.

| Meatloaf and Mushroom Gravy + Sides |

Taste is a 5 out of 5. Yep, I said it.

Difficulty is a 4 out of 5. If you do all three simultaneously. The potatoes are the hardest part.

Time was about 3 hours, give or take.

This was an amazing plate. The hint of lemon juice on the brussels really cut some of the fat and butter flavour nicely.

Even as leftovers, freaking delicious. It kinda looks like a sad tv dinner - which is totally what he was going for with this recipe - and he nailed it. In the end, I'm not mad that it made such a monster meatloaf. Leftovers for daaays.

[harveyhawkscripts]

[A4A] Cuddling Your Half-Dragon Roommate [Modern Fantasy] [Roommates] [Insomnia Comfort]

AN: Welcome to the finale of Monsters for Mental Health May! Thank you to everyone who voted. Apologies if this one seems a bit rushed; I just got back from my trip and boy, are my arms tired! This one might be in the running for The Great Script Rewrite (pending). Anyway, please enjoy ^-^

Usage:

- Okay for monetization

- Please credit me as Harvey Hawk :)

- Tweaks, improv, and pronoun changes are okay! Just please do not rewrite the script completely.

Synopsis: In a modern fantasy setting, the listener has trouble sleeping due to insomnia. Their roommate, a tsundere half-dragon just back from a grueling double shift, helps them finally fall asleep. 

Google Doc

Key:

[SFX and Action]

(.) Short Pause

(...) Longer pause

(Voice instruction)

Word Count: 990

—

[Footsteps]

HALF-DRAGON

(Exhausted) Ugghh... Gods, I hate evening shift. 'M always dead afterwards.

[Muffled TV noises]

[Footsteps stop]

Tch, really? They left the TV on again? They're so damn absent-minded.

[Door unlocks, opens, closes, and locks again]

(Surprised) Oi. The hell are you doing up? It's, like, two AM. Don't you have commissions due?

(.)

How could I not? You haven't shut up about it.

(.)

(Slightly irritated) Yeah, well. I do listen. And I would like to not listen to that damn TV all night. So, shut it off and go to bed.

[TV turns off]

(.)

I don't care if you sleep or not, just go to your room and be quiet. I just had a shift from the depths of hell and if I don't get some rest, I'm going to lose my shit.

(.)

Listen. You're my roommate, so I tolerate you to an extent. But you do not want to get between a dragon and their sleep.

(.)

(Growls) Half dragon. Quit nitpicking! What is your deal tonight? You're normally so chill - which is why I chose you as my roommate by the way - the hell is your damage?!

(.)

Oh, for fu- there's nothing to be scared of! I put up wards! You know I did!

Look, if I check the magic wards, will you finally let me rest?

(.)

Fine, I'll put one on your door.C'mon.

[Footsteps]

(Whispers) Tu...tela

[Claws scraping on wood]

There. Go to bed.

(.)

Then get a glass of water. Quietly. Goodnight.

(Sigh) What is it now?

(.)

There are blankets in the closet. Problem solved.

(.)

What?! What more could you possibly want?!

(.)

(Sigh) Shit.

Look, don't - I didn't mean - I ... Ugh. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have yelled. I just... I had an awful day at work.

(.)

No, you're right; it's not an excuse. I'm sorry. But I'm too tired for guessing games right now. Why don't you want to go to bed?

(.)

Insomnia...You never told me about that.

(.)

Uh, because I'm your roommate? You ever think that you being up all hours of the night might affect my sleep schedule?

(.)

No, I'm not going to find another roommate. I don't want another roommate. Idiot. I'm going to help you.

(.)

What do you usually do when you can't sleep?

(.)

Suffer? Shit, okay. No wonder you act so out-of-it. You're always tired.

(.)

You do too! You leave the peanut butter out and I always have to nag you to get your clothes out of the dryer. I just figured you were an airhead.

(.)

You're still a hell of a lot better than other roommates I've had. At least you haven't set anything on fire... yet.

(.)

Heh, sorry. But seriously. Going too long without sleep isn't healthy, dingus. Next time something's bothering you, just come to me, got it?

(.)

Yeah, really. I don't keep you around for the hell of it, you know.

(.)

It means... Well, it means....

(.)

(Growl) Don't make me say it!

(.)

Obviously I like you, idiot! I wouldn't live with you if I didn't. I... enjoy being your roommate. And if something's wrong, you need to come to me for help.

(.)

Because I said so! Anyway... let's find a way to get you to sleep.

(.)

Nah, I don't have any sleep magic. Not my thing. We might have some tea in the back of the cupboard.

(.)

Already had some, hm? Okay. Have you tried a warm bath?

(.)

Alright, check that off the list. Oh, I know! There are these, uh, audio stories for sleep online. Like, narrations and stuff. What about that?

(.)

Not even that works. Damn. Uh... Well, do you know what's causing your insomnia? Stress? Maybe you eat too much junk. I know you have a sweet tooth.

(.)

Huh? What'd ya say?

(.)

Scared and what? Little louder.

(.)

Lonely...? Ah. Oh. Hmph. Well...

(.)

(Hesitantly) Maybe I can... stay in your room. On the floor. If it means I can sleep.

(.)

Where the hell else would I sleep?

(.)

D-don't be ridiculous! Why would - I mean, you - I can't sleep in your bed!

(.)

Because that's - we aren't dating. It'd be weird. Besides, you probably kick in your sleep.

(.)

Oh, yeah, you totally do. I can tell.

(.)

Aw, c'mon. Don't give me those eyes.

(.)

(Growls) ....Fine. But kick me once and I'm going back to my room. Now c'mon. I just finished a double shift and I'm about to pass out.

[Door opens]

Um. What the hell? Where am I supposed to sleep?

(.)

I mean your bed is overrun with stuffed animals. I don't know how you expect to fit on there, let alone the both of us.

(.)

Look, if you want me to sleep with - uh, next to you, then you need to shove some of these things aside.

(.)

(Sarcastic) Sorry. Friends. You'll need to shove some of these friends aside.

(.)

A little more.

(.)

There.

[Blankets shift]

Go to sleep, roomie.

[Blankets shift]

[Blankets shift]

[Blankets shift]

Be. Still.

(.)

(Sigh) What's wrong?

(.)

Yeah, well, there isn't room for me and your big teddy. Cuddle one of your smaller plushies.

(.)

Arm support? Geez, you're so high-maintenance. Fine. Come here.

(.)

Because I'm letting you wrap an arm around me. Obviously.

(.)

Yeah, I'm sure. Get over here.

[Blankets shift]

(.)

Of course I'm warm. I'm a half-dragon.

(.)

Quit fidgeting. Just... curl up to my chest.

(.)

There, comfortable?

(.)

Good.

(.)

Nah, it's not weird. It's actually... nice. Heh, your breath kinda tickles.

(.)

It doesn't bother me. Go to sleep, roomie.

(.)

You're still tense.

(.)

Hey, it's okay. How about this? Let me trace my claws down your back real gentle... There, just focus on how that feels. I'm going to wrap my tail around you now. Like a weighted blanket.

(.)

There we go. I've gotcha.

(.)

Gettin' sleepy?

(.)

Good. Hey, before you go to sleep I gotta tell you something. It's important.

(.)

You totally owe me breakfast in the morning. I'm thinking pancakes.

(.)

(Chuckles) Okay, okay. I'll help make it.

(.)

...Yeah, I can stay with you tomorrow night, too.

(.)

Goodnight, roomie.

END

[clicruz13]

Peter and Bruce

Chapter 3: Bruce Wayne, Crime Lord of Gotham; Part 1

The tie knot slid up to a comfortable position.

'Well, Aunt May, look at me now.'

Peter ran his fingers over his hair, trying to tuck the stubborn curl back. He has nearly forgotten what it looked like when he wasn't starving. However Peter felt more nonplussed at the bandages that were wrapped around his torso and upper arms. Even though his skin had finished growing back, the doctor insisted that he wear it until she said so.

Even Peter had to admit his new accommodations were a stark improvement to where he had been before. The ground floor level room adjoined a small full bathroom, and a sizable walk-in closet. The large windows revealed a lovely orchard. The butter-yellow walls were a nice change from the white of the medical room.

Speaking of which, Peter wished residual headache from when they moved him from that medical room to his new quarters had gone.

Peter grumbled. 'Paranoid much, Wayne. What was so important that you couldn't use a blindfold? That is what most sensible people do. But no, crime lord Wayne has to gas people to get them where he wants instead of, i don’t know, asking.’

Peter idly straightened his vest. 'And it's not like I can just leave anyway. One, the band of Hellspawn should have more than a tired elderly butler to rely on.'

Peter pursed his lips. 'Two, Wayne knows I'm a metahuman. Someone like him isn't going to let a tactical advantage like that go…'

Peter took a steadying breath. 'Peter, what the hell did you do in a past life to deserve this? Torture kittens and puppies?'

'Annoy Stephen too much?'

A knock on the door herald Pennyworth, no, Alfred's arrival. Peter bit the bullet and opened the door. Alfred's expression relaxed minutely as he smiled. Alfred gestured for him to follow. Alfred led him down the hall into the main part.

'Are we sure this is a home?' Peter's head swiveled about. 'Feels like a mausoleum.'

Even with the relatively quiet steps of both men, the halls and vaults of the rooms echoed. Alfred's voice, a murmur, detailed at least the room's function and whether the rooms were in use. Most were not.

"You'll be responsible from time to time to monitor the cleaning staff and gardeners when they are here." Alfred stopped at the kitchen door. "However we are the only ones allowed to clean Master Bruce's office and the kitchen. In time, once Master Bruce is more amenable, the other room that will be your responsibility to clean is the master suite. Occasionally the children's rooms might need your touch, however they are generally responsible to clean their spaces."

Peter counted eight heartbeats in the kitchen. Peter thought he recognized a few voices. Alfred gave a knowing look at Peter's eye flicking from the door to his face.

"I hope you don't mind spending lunch with the children." Alfred intoned, laughter in his voice.

Peter took an instinctive step back. He didn't like that tone. However, he wasn't quite prepared for Alfred. The old man tugged him forward.

Peter stumbled when Alfred pushed him through. He was quick to upright himself. The room went silent for half a second before the sound resumed at a much lower level.

"Meow." Peter jerked to the sound of the tuxedo cat staring up at him.

"Glad to see the Old Man finally let you out." Jason tilted his chair back to look upside at him.

"Peter!" Damian was immediately at his side. "You can sit with me."

Damian picked up the shaggy cat. “This is Alfred the cat. Alfred, Peter.”

“Meo.”

“Please do not bring the cat to the table, Master Damian.” Alfred sighed. “And remember to wash your hands. Jason, please sit correctly.”

Damian placed the cat back down. Then Damian latched onto his right arm and tugged him over to the sink. An incredulous silence filled the room behind them as Damian rattled off about Alfred’s kitchen rules.

He found himself tucked between the only dark haired girl and Damian. Peter glanced about.

Dick gave a friendly enough wave when their eyes met. The only blonde whispered to the dark-skinned young man. Timothy stared at him like a very fascinating experiment.

"Now, children." Alfred's voice cut right through the noise. "I expect you to treat Mr. Parker with as much respect as you do me."

Alfred's deadpan tone indicated he didn't think they would actually listen. “I also expect you to abide by Master Bruce’s instruction. Do introduce yourselves.”

‘What instructions?’ Peter glanced around.

A hand gesture caught his attention. The Asiatic girl smiled and signed hello. Peter signed back that same.

“Cass.” She pointed to herself, her speech slightly slow. “Cassandra Wayne.”

[Nice meet.] She signed the rest after a moment.

Peter, unpracticed, parroted it back, gaining a small giggle.

“Come on, you two. It isn’t like he’s going to bite.” Jason spoke around a mouthful of food.

“Master Todd.” Alfred's despair came out.

Peter snorted to himself as he tried the Shepard pie. Jason rolled his eyes but swallowed. He pointed his fork in the whispering pair’s direction.

“These two are Duke, the Old Man’s newest brat, and Stephanie. They’re Timothy’s henchmen.”

The noise had Peter flinching as the aforementioned trio complained. Peter hadn’t realized he had covered his ears as the lingering embers of a headache flared into a full one. The room swam and shivered. Peter had been aware of movement around as he tried to ride off the nauseous feeling.

A cool glass of water was placed in front of him. A bead of condensation ran off. Peter lowered his hands, looking up. Majority of Wayne’s adoptees were watching from the doorway. Alfred had the same look that he had when Damain had been in trouble. The aforementioned kid was hoovering at Peter’s side, eyes wide in worry.

Peter sipped at the water. The feeling muted at hydration.

[Fine] Peter indicated himself.

“I sincerely doubt that.” Alfred muttered but turned to address Damian. “I can handle it from here, Master Damian. Doctor Thompson will be here shortly.”

Damian looked ready to protest but whatever look Alfred had got a sullen mutter. Peter patted his shoulder, fixing his best reassuring smile. Damian’s sullenness lightened.

______________________________________________

Peter scrubbed his face with a towel with a sigh. Whatever gas Wayne had used interacted with the drug that the good Doctor had given him to manage the sensitivity of his skin. The good news was Peter’s body was successfully fighting it off. Bad news - he was left with the love child of a migraine hangover and rebound tension headaches for the last three days. The symptoms finally were subsiding.

Neither Thompson nor Alfred looked particularly pleased. Peter would love to be a spider on the wall when they finally confront the man - if they could. Apparently he was off on another business trip.

Today, he and Alfred were finally alone in the mansion. Dick, Stephanie, and Jason returned to wherever they lived. Stephanie was currently in college and aside from Dick being a museum curator in the next city over, he wasn’t sure what Jason did exactly. Knowing what he knew of Wayne and Jason’s Wade-like vibe, Jason was probably his father’s enforcer.

Cass, as she preferred to be called, had gone with Timothy who ran one of his father’s research divisions. The rest had to head to school. Speaking of which…

‘And it’s time for Professor Alfred Pennyworth to teach Butlering 201 - Wayne Edition.’ Peter entered the kitchen.

Alfred was watching the hired help in the garden. Peter waited for Alfred to acknowledge him.

‘There’s no way I snuck up on him.’ Peter wanted to tap his chin. ‘Is there even a way to?’

“As much as I love Master Bruce as a son, he has been making this quite difficult.” Alfred’s expression remained enviously serene. “Lesson one, Mr. Peter Parker. Any proper butler worth his salt should know where his employer’s skeletons are.”

‘Am I getting a lesson in blackmail?’

Alfred turned on his heel as a kettle began to whistle. “And he learns the important ones quickly.”

‘I guess so.’ Peter tracked Alfred as he moved about the kitchen.

“Our position specializes in being aware of what our employer needs before they know themselves.” Alfred began assembling the tea service. “And reining them in when they begin to overstep.”

Alfred’s hand stopped on the teapot lid. “I will be frank with you, Peter. I am not as spry as I once was nor as energetic and Master Bruce has become harder to reach, to see some sort of reason.”

Alfred continued his movements. “At one point, he was getting better. Then…”

Alfred’s sigh filled the room with the sorrow only those who raised children could have. Peter fidgeted.

“We cannot change the past, only improve the future.” Alfred gestured for Peter to sit. Steam curled between them at the island.

“He was not pleased to discover that I had been looking for a successor.” Alfred delicately spoke. “Even though he knows that it was a necessity.”

Peter wrapped his hands around his teacup.

“You were my last hope.” Alfred admitted. “The details around your disappearance and subsequent hospitalization didn’t make sense at the time. And your lack of an internet presence. Though now, I can understand why.”

Peter winced. ‘Yeah, it was fun times, fun times.’

“I was pleasantly surprised to find an intelligent, patient, no-nonsense young man who was able to stand up to the boys and to Bruce.”

‘No-nonsense?’ Peter stared in disbelief. ‘When?’

“I knew I had found my successor when you nearly died, saving Master Bruce. Master Bruce even agreed.” Alfred looked to the ceiling. “However, I’m not sure why he’s being difficult now.”

‘Well, it can’t be that Wayne’s pulling pig-tales.’ Peter said dryly to himself. ‘It might have to do with the fact he has a mysterious metahuman on his hands. So, another prove-to-me-you’re-whatever test.’

“Master Bruce has forbidden the children and I from revealing secrets.” Alfred continued. “But any butler worth his salt shouldn't have too much issue in discovering said secrets after all.”

______________________________________________

‘Any proper butler worth his salt should know where his employer’s skeletons are.’ Alfred’s phrase had been bothering him off and on as he went about his assignments the last few days.

Peter sat on one of the roof rafters in the barn. After a discreet search, only places not under surveillance were bathrooms and the barn. Peter lamented the first night that anything attachable to the internet was probably not good for much but the most general of research. Didn’t want to tip his hand at all.

At least Alfred gave him some stationary. After snagging a plastic ziplock, Peter took to stashing his encoded notebook under the eaves of the barn roof, up in the loft.

Peter jolted when he heard voices below the loft.

“ - doesn’t feel like a normal one, ya know.” Duke’s voice floated up.

Peter could hear the snuffling of Titus and Damian’s cow mooing in greeting.

“What do you mean?” Damian impetuously demanded. “Father said he's a regular metahuman.”

Peter was grateful for the dark clothes he chose as he shifted further into the shadows of the rafter. The only issue was he couldn’t see the trio but then they couldn’t see him.

“Regular?” Timothy with that half-tired voice. “Hardly. Doctor Thompson was using the drugs used to treat Superman. And it took Bruce, Jason, and Dick to keep him down. I say he’s an alien.”

Duke replied slowly after a moment. “No, man, Parker’s a metahuman. It’s more like, aw, I don’t know. Like an ocean. Calm, placid, in control…”

‘So Duke’s a metahuman. Okay, that lends more to Wayne isn’t sure how to utilize me.’

‘Aw, shucks.In control? I’m blushing.’

“Like really. Until he had that sudden migraine, I couldn’t tell he was a metahuman until that moment. It felt like I was looking at the sun directly for a brief moment.”

A long silence.

“So?” Peter could easily see Damian with hands on his hip. “He’s strong.”

“Then explain why he’s a butler instead of one of the superheroes or supervillains?” Tim asked harshly.

‘... I was no superhero.’

“Didn’t you mention in the briefing, Tim, that he lost the majority of his family?” Duke spoke up.

“Yeah.” Tim seemed to be thinking hard. “His Aunt had a sister, Margaret or something.”

“But no blood relations?” Duke sighed. “Tim…”

“He’s an idiot, Duke.” Damian dismissed. “Even I can see the tree for the tree.”

“Why you!” Damian’s laughter was followed by thudding feet.

“W-wait!”

Peter landed on the straw below. “Hm...”

[petermorwood]

A great showman with a great moustache!

Originally intended for Caturday, but after a bit of looking-up to Learn Stuff there was more Food-and-Drink than Cat.

Turns out that what he's making is a popular Turkish street food called Tavuklu Nohutlu Pilav (chicken and chickpea rice).

More here, and lots more elsewhere with either the Turkish or English terms.

I've also seen a version - Şehriyeli Pilav - which uses pasta, usually orzo or vermicelli, instead of chickpeas; the dry pasta is first fried golden in butter, then cooked with the rice.

Its traditional approach seems very simple; other versions brown chopped onion and sliced garlic along with the pasta for more complex flavours, and add extra zing with a sprinkle of chilli flakes - Aleppo Pepper for preference, which is spicy without being excessive.

*****

The "pasta-rice-pilaf" was something which prompted @dduane to comment that "it sounds like Rice-a-roni."

A quick search suggests she's right; this LA Times article about R-n-R mentions a couple of pilafs as its inspiration, including the Turkish one. However I also noticed a lot of "homemade ricearoni" (i.e. pilaf) recipes out there; many mentioned unease about how much chemistry-set stuff besides rice and pasta is in the packaged version.

I've read one comment about US / EU foods which said, more or less:

"American food producers can put additives in until they're proved to be dangerous; European food producers can't put additives in until they're proved to be safe."

I don't know how true that might be, but a lot of common US packaged foods can't be sold here in their original US formulation - Kraft Mac n Cheese, for example - and in 2020 the Irish Supreme Court ruled that "bread" from the Subway chain contained so much sugar it was legally cake, and would be taxed as such... :->

*****

Kushari (also koshari / koshary) from Egypt...

...also combines lentils, chickpeas, pasta and rice but no chicken. That red stuff is a tangy, garlicky tomato sauce. Yes please... :->

I'm also pretty sure - thinking of a friend for whom no meal is complete without some sort of meat - that meat could indeed be added without Making The Whole Thing Wrong.

Given the way traditional dishes change depending on whose Granny is making the best one, I bet there are some variants where there's never not been meat.

*****

Getting back to pilaf by a roundabout route, it got a sidelong reference in "The Horse and his Boy" by C.S. Lewis. (The only other Turkish thing mentioned was Turkish Delight, An Ulterior Motive which in the long run wasn't all that delightful.)

"There were lobsters, and salad, and snipe stuffed with almonds and truffles, and a complicated dish made of chicken livers and rice and raisins and nuts, and there were cool melons and gooseberry fools and mulberry fools, and every kind of nice thing that can be made with ice."

I've seen any number of on-line recipes for Narnia-fiction food, but never an attempt to recreate that dish; so if anyone feels like it, here's a recipe.

It's got to be an improvement on the unsettling number (i.e more than zero) of recipes for The White Witch's (sorcerously spiked) Hot Drink, which...

“...was something (Edmund) had never tasted before, very sweet and foamy and creamy, and it warmed him right down to his toes.”

Oh, I just bet it did...

But then in a world where people get married using reproductions of The One Ring, mocking up magical roofies isn't too surprising...

[crytidsprinkles]

ID: Retro anthropomorphic butter, popcorn, candy and soda illustrations dancing down a red carpet advertising refreshments GIF

There has been a existing trend which has grown quite a bit in recent years. Screening films well after they're theatrical runs. Some are older, others more recent. The experience of being able to watch one again, or for the first time in a cinema, is cool as hell.

Streaming at home is the way many watch new releases. It is partly out of convenience yes, but what is being missed is the major chunk of the population avoiding indoor places and all the airborne and fomite transmission of viruses and bacteria. Oh and don't forget the bedbug concern.

I have been a film fan since I was a small child, they are a love of my life and a part of life that still brings me joy and helps me keep living. I miss going to the movies. But not enough to risk my health and well being. Just like other gatherings and events, these are petri dishes for airborne and fomite viral and bacterial spread.

Perhaps these theaters think they can get by just gine continuing to leave out people like myself. They're wrong. I will say it is very difficult reading all these announcements of so many films returning to theaters, and I can enjoy absolutely none of it. Being robbed of participation in society and a lot of enrichment is depressing, angering and heartbreaking.

I've considered more and more trying to bring my opening a drive-in dream to life. If these businesses want to keep ignoring and discriminating against me, those like me and anyone who wants to protect themselves and their communities, I have no problem filling the void. Art including entertainment isn't just a luxury, it is essential and greatly improves people's mental and physical health and well being.

We deserve that as much as any non disabled or careless person does.

[saharacook]

Chocolate nut raw protein bars

OK here's today's line up AND the at-home version.

No LIDL version available, sadly for my wallet. They do have a cocoa orange nakd knock off but I don't like those so there you go.

All are GF but none are soy free.

Clockwise from top right we have:

M&S

80p per 35g bar, 4g protein. Good moisture to bite ratio and strong, rich almost coffee like chocolate taste, with a treacle note that is coming from the raisins in the mix. Density managed via chicory fibre which seems to be the go-to for a lot of things. A slightly more attractive product to look at than the Nakd bar but that is not a high bar. Addition of peanuts and actual chocolate chips makes this much tastier and interesting than the nakd bar it is a copy cat of, but gram for gram it is actually pricier.

TREK PROTEIN

£1 per 45g bar, 7g protein. The answer to "what if we made nutella miserable?" A chonky literal brick of a product with substantial heft and 0 joy. Paler than the M&S version as it has more nuts and no raisins. Peanut flour and chicory fibre make up almost 20% of this and it shows. I have a lot of time for nakd as they were the only vegan treat in town for a while but this thing is a sad dry lump. Eating it is an experience in dutiful chewing and leaves your jaw sore. Honestly you are better off just eating nuts. I pity the hazelnuts in this product.

TRIBE PROTEIN

£1 per 38g bar, 5g protein. The objectively tastiest of them all, basically a layer of soft date paste on a slightly crunchy chocolate flapjack-esque base (probably cold pressed but could be baked not 100% sure) then topped with nuts making it feel like the fanciest. Protein comes from "soya protein crispies" which sounds like a terrible breakfast product. Addition of oats makes it not-like-the-other-ones but it sits in the same taste zone so I included it. Different textures make it interesting and it is my current fave for with afternoon coffee.

THE AT HOME VERSION

Goals here were to keep the chocolate goodness, make it soy free and improve on the cold-pressed bars by making them moist and softer. Getting the hard texture that the packet versions have probably involves a level of dehydration that I have no interest in.

I included oats as chicory fibre isn't particularly available and I needed a dry binding agent. I had jumbo oats in and they needed a bit of crumbling to make them finer but I refuse to keep multiple grades of oat in the house as my flat is small and I am not quite that obsessed.

I added a chopped chocolate and peanut top because it makes the final thing look nicer as well as giving it variety in texture. Initial versions I mixed these in like the M&S bar but I prefer it with them on top.

I didn't bother with hazelnuts and stuck with peanuts but obviously you can substitute.

Final texture is akin to a chocolate brownie - it has that gooey chew.

Makes approx 12 40g bars at 16p each - price will flex depending on how cheap you can get your dates, I am blessed with a large turkish store on the corner.

200g chopped stoned dates (buy cheap ones this is not the time for fancy medjool)

100g peanut butter - I had smooth but crunchy will work

100g GF oats

15g cocoa

Vanilla essence

Pinch salt

15g chopped dark chocolate (LIDL)

15g chopped roasted peanuts (I used salted, YMMV)

* soak dates in boiling water (just enough to cover) for 10 mins, drain and smush dry

* blend dates into a pale creamy paste

* add other ingredients except chopped chocolate and peanuts

* stir well to break up oats

* press firmly into a container, mine was 16cm x 9 cm giving a mix height of 2.5cm

* leave in fridge overnight

* next day cut into 12 bars and press chopped nuts and chocolate on top - first version I topped the big block pre slicing then realised this would only be one edge of the bar so don't do that

[linuxgamenews]

Experience Strategy, Creativity & Exploration with Roboplant

Roboplant farming tycoon game launches on both Linux and Windows PC. Thanks to the imaginative team at Rebelpug, the developer responsible for bringing this captivating experience to life. Available on both Steam and Humble Store. Welcome to Roboplant, a unique farming journey set in a future where humanity has branched out into other galaxies. Here, you step into the shoes of a space entrepreneur, due to create and manage hydroponic farms on alien planets. While facing vast landscapes, unknown horizons, and the chance to cultivate both Earth plants and intriguing alien flora. It's a blend of strategy, creativity, and exploration on Linux. Imagine you've just landed on a new, uncharted planet. Your first task? Build your base. Think of it as constructing a high-tech greenhouse, where each room, corridor, and piece of equipment plays a vital role. You'll be adding hydroponic setups, lab gadgets, and even decorations. Since it's not just about functionality; it's about creating a home on this alien world. Farming in Roboplant certainly goes beyond your usual garden variety. Sure, you can keep to familiar crops like lettuce or even colorful blue melons. But there's a whole world of unfamiliar plants waiting for you. These aren't your average veggies. They might need special conditions, unique care, and who knows what else. Your job is to figure that out and make them thrive.

Roboplant farming tycoon Trailer

Expansion and growth are key. To scale up your business, you need a blend of strategy and foresight. Get to know the ins and outs of your hydroponic tech, because that's your bread and butter. Selling your space grown produce is how you'll earn your keep, fueling your operation and research. Speaking of research, you're not just a farmer in Roboplant; you're an innovator. Due to delve into research, improve your tech, and maybe even dabble in genetics to create new plant species. It's a bit like playing nature but with high-tech tools. Now, let's talk about your crew. They aren't your average workers; they're robots, each with their own skills and needs. Yes, even robots need downtime. So, you're not just managing a farm; you're also managing a robotic team. Due to ensure they have spaces to relax and recharge. Think of it as creating a harmonious ecosystem where plants, tech, and robots coexist. Your mission isn't just about farming; Roboplant is also about saving Earth. You'll embark on various missions, each with its own set of challenges. It could be environmental events throwing a wrench in your plans or other unexpected twists. How you handle these will test your resilience and problem solving skills. Roboplant isn't just about planting seeds; it's about sowing the future, one space farm at a time. It's a mix of strategy, care, and exploration, set in a future where the sky isn't the limit – it's just the beginning. Ready to embark? Its available on both Steam (priced at $10.79 USD / £9.89 / 9,89€ with the 10% discount) and Humble Store. Along with support for Linux and Windows PC.

[unkajosh]

We were talking about food, weren't we?

I could tell you about places I've eaten. I'm not wealthy at all, but I've still had some fairly amazing food in a place or two.

But the thing is, I'm a restaurant guy. I work in a pizza place right now; we're a chain, and while our food is pretty darned good, that's not what I'm going to talk about, either. Exactly.

Because I don't have children. I have the kids who work for us. And I take care of them. (Okay, not all of them. The white supremacist that I fired, not so much.)

So when the kids have been good, and time allows, I feed them something special, something they can't just get off the menu-- but something that I can make with only the ingredients that I have on hand.

Let's look at a typical example.

I start with a crust. What kind of crust? I'll use any of them; our signature crust is a Detroit-style deep dish, which has a fluffier crust (lower-protein flour, closer to AP Flour than the bread flour that pizza dough normally uses), but I'm a past master at hand-tossed dough, and we have a very tasty thin, cracker crust as well. (The key to hand-tossed dough is to not use the dough press they provide, nor the docker they provide, but hand-toss it as God intended. But it's a skill that takes a while to master, so we have the press for the sake of new hires.)

Imagine the one you like best.

I don't just start there, though. There really ought to be veggies. My kids need to eat their veggies! But the default technique is fresh raw chopped veggies put on the pizza; they don't really cook very much due to their high internal water content (and actually make the top of the pizza cook less; pizzas with a lot of toppings, but especially wet toppings like tomatoes or pineapple require significantly more cooking.)

So let's improve things. Because of our deep-dish dough, we have no shortage of well-seasoned iron pans for the dough. In this, we add a mix of chopped green peppers (I'd prefer red or yellow, but I have to stick with what's available), chopped red onions, chopped tomatoes and sliced mushrooms. We're going to pour a little bit of garlic butter over this veggie medley and run the pan through our oven on the medium-cooking rack. (We have a conveyor-driven impingement oven, and that's it. It's very good for what it does, but it makes an awkward sauté device. But one learns to adapt.) This will nicely "grill" the veggies with the butter; the mushrooms will add some nice umami.

So, back to that pizza crust. We're putting tomato sauce on; it's not the only choice, but it's the most popular. But it needs something more, doesn't it? Over the layer of pizza sauce (uncooked; it's ground tomatoes, some water, and a seasoning mix of salt and herbs and no doubt other things) I add a drizzle of our ranch dressing.

Do NOT underestimate our ranch. The seasonings in it are pretty standard, but we start with extra-heavy mayo and buttermilk, the kind of thing that you can't buy in local stores. We have to special-order this stuff, and we make it ourselves every single day, like the sauce, like the dough.

You don't get the same quality with frozen dough shipped to stores and thawed, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Our dough isn't complicated at all, but fresh, hand-made dough is so much better than the alternatives.

Next, we must add cheese. Our cheese? No, not like those chains that buy frozen, pre-shredded boxes of cheese, each particle coated in cellulose to stop it from sticking. Ours? We take logs of mozzarella and a shredder, every day, after carefully assembling the cleaned blades and making sure that the machine will not commit awful mechanical suicide (the torque on literally every engine in the shop is insane) we push 'em through and carefully gather the shreds. We call this stuff "White gold," and it isn't cheap.

But I'm fond of cheese blends; I'll mix in other cheese that we have on hand-- cheddar, Romano, perhaps feta, sometimes even the provolone slices that we still use for our weird sandwich/calzone hybrid things. I'd add more, but, again, using what we have so we don't risk the wrath of corporate. Distribute evenly by hand, don't leave thin spots, for who wants those?

Those veggies are done now, caramelized and tasty, and they go on top of the cheese. Some of my kids don't eat meat; they're mostly set now, but others insist on further animal proteins. I often put grilled chicken on here, and maybe the addition of some nice, smokey bacon. I have to be careful with bacon, though-- it's tasty, but it tends to overwhelm subtler flavors. Still, it blends very nicely with the chicken indeed.

Okay, in the oven. I have a lot of stuff on this pizza; it will need a higher temperature and time to cook, but that's OK-- unlike most other places, our oven has three decks and four different chains, three different cooking temperatures and four different cooking times. Thickness of the pizza crust is an important detail here, so I make the necessary adjustments.

The pizza cooks; the cheese melts, and I used a lot of heat, so it becomes golden-brown, despite the cooking vegetables, the meats, all piled on top of each other, juices from the meats and veggies soaking into the flavor sponges that mushrooms are and transforming them while, in turn, adding that subtle vegetable umami to the blend. The grilled onions become sweeter and more tender; the peppers, likewise, the bitterness of green peppers becoming a subtle note in the symphony rather than a dominant aftertaste.

Okay, I cooked it. Are we ready to eat yet?

NO!

No, no, we have more work to do! A light dusting of garlic salt-- the garlic another flavor note, the salt light enough to bring out the flavors rather than becoming a flavor itself. (Alas, we have no fresh or roasted garlic! But one adapts.) Now we add the final touches-- perhaps some garlic butter around the crust, if it's hand-tossed, but otherwise, over to another station (once we've cut it with huge curved knives like scimitars fitted with an additional grip-point that would make them far too unbalanced to use as weapons using orthodox techniques) and NOW we add a little more mayo-- it doesn't take much; it's just a foundation for the real last step. Fresh, chopped lettuce and tomato. I'd add fresh spinach if we had it, but alas, it went bad too quickly, so corporate dropped it. Am I making a salad on top of the pizza? It may look like it, and I suppose I am, but the crisp, fresh taste of the lettuce, the acid of the tomatoes, these perform a wonderful contrast the the heaviness of pizza dough, cheese and meat, and one needs contrast in these matters.

Now, now we eat it. Carefully, though-- if it's thin crust, it MUST be cut in squares, or it won't be strong enough to support the toppings. If it's hand-tossed, consider the New York Fold as an approach to eating. Our deep dish can handle this as long as you manage to not spill the toppings everywhere when you bite into it.

If I used the deep dish, your lower jaw and tongue will encounter the crisp, fried outer layer of the dough first; your upper jaw, in turn, goes through a layer of fresh, crisp veggies, to the complex blend of flavors in the toppings, mixed together in the alchemy that is cooking, the hot cheese underneath still a bit melty, spreading over your mouth, the tomato sauce enhanced by the tangy richness of the ranch. You eat a slice. Perhaps two, if you are truly hungry.

And that will be enough. We're going to be hauling around fifty-pound bags of flour and fifty-pound boxes of mozzarella logs and hundred-pound buckets of freshly-mixed dough and stacks of pizza pans still rather warm from the oven and stacks of deep-dish dough and, later, cutting boards that are squares three feet on a side.

But this will give you the strength to go on. It fills your stomach in every regard, and-- hey, were you adding hot sauce to yours? That's fine. That's fine. I don't use it, but some people like the endorphin rush, and who am I to deny them?

But you got this pizza because you were good. Enjoy it.

And grab a slice quickly. Myles is coming back from his run, and he'll boggard the whole thing if we let him.

[ohwynne]

[pm] This is very true, there is very little that isn't improved by a bit of butter. And the store bought stuff really isn't the same. Sure, that sounds logical. He seems older than me, so maybe I just don't get it. And uh, no, it's me and two guys and then a girl? Woman, maybe, is more fitting. What do you mean, saddled with one? What type? Dogs are great.

[pm] Well, to be fair, butter makes everything taste great. Yeah, actually, I don't remember why he calls himself 'The Rock.' Might just be a generational thing. Oh, so, it's you and three other guys? Not really a cat person myself. Not even a dog person to be honest but I've been saddled with one, so it is what it is.