#what is the point of life if everyone dies

[gyaruhana]

Can you do a smut fic where readers dating thanos and she nearly dies in red light green light, and they realise how dangerous the games are and fuck like it’s their last night together? Im talking pure need and lust, desperation after realising the stakes of the squid games

Thanos / Choi Su-bong - I love you

Synopsis: After witnessing so much death and realizing you may both be next, you decide to fuck in the bathroom.

A/N: combined this with two other requests asking for bathroom sex.. i hope that was okay !! also not entirely proof read..

Warnings: smut content, fingering, praise, he's more gentle tbh

You had never feared death before. It always seemed so far away and it was the least of your concerns considering the debt you and your boyfriend, Thanos, share after betting it all on some coin a youtuber recommended. Never once in your life had you thought you would actually die. You always imagined that you'd die at an old age in a fancy house- maybe even with a kid or two. Point is, you didn't think about death because you really didn't see any need to.

Until today that is. 

You and your boyfriend had come across a great opportunity to earn lots of won by playing a few games. Considering you had already earned quite a bit from a game of ddakji, it was a no-brainer to agree to a few games. At the time, it didn't seem suspicious because the salesman who offered the card to you had given you plenty of won without a catch. 

Although you were knocked out with a gas when you entered the designated car together and practically kidnapped, neither of you thought anything about it- too excited at the idea of making money to pay off your debt with a few games. Any money goes a long way to finally paying off your debt so you can focus on getting your dream life.

Idiotically enough, you also didn't find any suspicion in the guy yelling something about how you'll be shot if you move. It actually made you and Thanos laugh at the ridiculousness of it as you both assumed he was just some drunk making up shit to scare people. How wrong the both of you were.

By the time everyone had made it to the halfway mark with plenty of time to spare, Thanos saw a bee land on some girl and made a comment about it. The girl immediately let out a scream and moved to try to get the bee off of her. It was amusing to watch until the sound of a gunshot rang through the air and her body fell to the floor. 

The smile on both your faces dropped immediately as blood pooled around her now-dead body. You and Thanos stood deadly still as people started to scream and run away out of fear. Every gunshot made your heart drop further because that could be you or him. The idea one of you might die right now was sickening for the both of you. 

The moment the sound of shooting stopped, the doll turned out and called green light again. Thanos quickly reached for his necklace while walking forward, desperately needing to be high right now so he could try to pretend like this wasn't really happening. Meanwhile, you didn't move a muscle - too afraid you might die here. You didn't want to be shot too.

The doll turned its head and called out red light making everyone freeze again. Another gunshot rang out making you flinch but thankfully the doll didn't notice the small movement. When it turned around again, Thanos put the pill in his mouth before closing his necklace and looking behind him. You still weren't moving, making him worry. You didn't have time to just stand there, you had to get going and make it to the end.

“What are you doing? You have to move,” Thanos spoke out as he gestured for you to come over to him. He kept still when the doll announced red light again but he kept his eyes on yours. He couldn't have you just stand there until your inevitable death. The moment the players could move again, Thanos ran toward you and grabbed your wrist before pulling you along with him. 

With Thanos dragging you along, you both managed to make it to the end before the time ran out. The relief the two of you shared was only there momentarily. You may have survived this game but what's to say you'll survive the next game? There was no guarantee. In fact, you weren't even confident in yourself that you'd survive the next game. After all, you only got through this because Thanos had dragged you to the end. 

As if sensing your fear, Thanos looked at you and cupped your face with his hands. “Don't look so stressed, baby. We're fine,” he spoke as he gently caressed your cheek. You gave a small smile at his words but the fear didn't disappear. He let out a sigh before tapping your cheek twice and removing his hands. He knew there wasn't much he could say to make this any better. It was a lot to handle, that was for sure. The only reason he was calm was because he had popped a pill the moment the first person died. 

As the players were slowly led back to the main room which they had awoken in, Thanos took your hand to keep you close to him. Despite the drugs he had taken, he was still pretty stressed about the whole ordeal. Mostly because of you. He couldn't fathom the idea of you getting shot like those other idiots in the last game. He'd definitely go crazy if you got hurt so he needed to keep you close to him. 

Even after you were already in the room, his hand still kept a firm grip on yours as if you might disappear should he let go. You didn't mind though. If anything, his hand squeezing yours was a huge comfort. A silent reminder that he wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon. It made you feel significantly calmer to be close to him.

He led you to the back of the room and sat you down on the bed before sitting down next to you, his legs crossed with his hand still in yours. He looks at you for a few moments, analyzing your face and trying to read your thoughts. He didn’t like the way your eyes lingered on your lap instead of him so he raised a hand and tilted your chin upwards to make you look at him.

“Baby, you good?” he asks even though he already knew the answer to that question. You were quite far from good after all the blood you had seen. “Am i good?” you say sarcastically, mocking his own words. “Of course, I’m not! I just saw people die! Too many! Fuck, that could’ve been me or you,” you speak, your stress about the whole situation evident in your face and tone. “You gotta relax. We’re fine. Besides we’ll get out of here soon,” he says reassuringly as he looks at you with worry.

You let out a sigh and shake your head as you look to the side- away from him. It was quiet for a few moments as Thanos waited for you to say something else, knowing that you were thinking something. “What if we don’t?” you finally say as you look back at him again. “Don’t say that,” he speaks as his face hardens slightly at the idea that you might die. Fuck, he couldn’t bear the thought of you laying lifeless. “Not saying it doesn’t make it any less of a possibility,” you respond with a frown. He knows that you’re right. It’s a possibility that he can’t just ignore.

“I swear on my life that I will protect you,” he says with a sincere look on his face. It didn’t make you feel any better though because swearing on his life in a game where he could actually die wasn’t a good thing. “Don’t say that,” you speak, repeating his earlier words as your face hardens. You didn’t want him to even think about sacrificing his life for you. You couldn’t see what you’d do without him. 45.6 billion was useless if he couldn’t be there with you to spend it. 

“Okay,” he says with a small smirk as he raises his hand in mock surrender. “I’ll swear on the sun and the moon instead,” he said as he lowered his hands. His words were enough to make you smile a little. Him swearing on the sun and the moon was plenty more significant then others may think. He swore on the sun and the moon he’d treat you right when he first asked you to be his. He swore on the sun and the moon to always be there for you after a particularly bad day when you lost your dad. Most of all, he swore on the sun and the moon that he’d buy a nice house and you could get married and live happily ever after together. He never ever took the name of the sun and moon in vain and that’s why hearing him say it now made you feel just a little better about the current situation.

Thanos looked behind himself for a moment before back at you. “Hey.. if swearing on the sun and moon isn’t enough for you, I could show you how serious I am,” he says with a small smirk. It didn’t take an idiot to know what he meant by that. “..what exactly does that mean?” you question even though you already knew exactly what he meant. There was a spark of desire in his eyes that matched yours as his hand gripped yours tightly. “I don’t have to tell you for you to know,” he says before standing up and pulling you up from the bed with him. 

He drags you towards the door on the right side of the room and bangs on it loudly. “Hey, open up. Bathroom needed,” he says and the door opens after a moment. “Ladies first,” he says with a smirk as he steps out of the way to let you go in first. You shake your head, an amused smile playing on your face as you walk in. The guard led you both down the hallway and to the bathroom. Thanos didn’t waste any time in pushing past that door, dragging you behind him. 

With his patience wearing thin, he quickly pulled you into a kiss. It was unlike his usual kisses that were rough and involved his tongue jammed down your throat. This kiss was more passionate as if he was trying to say something words could never convey properly. He quickly pushed you back into one of the stalls and kicked the door closed behind him, locking it with one of his hands. He spun you around and pushed your back against the stall wall. 

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he mumbles after pulling away momentarily. He stares at you silently - memorizing every feature of your face. He could never get enough of how pretty you were. It felt like a miracle someone like you was with a dickhead like him. He couldn’t help but admire you. “..What? Is something wrong?” you say as you look at him with concern. You didn’t expect him to just stare at you out of nowhere and it was a little embarrassing. 

He shakes his head as he snaps out of his trance. “No, sorry. Just thinking about how fucking lucky I am,” he says before kissing you again like it’s the last time he could ever get to kiss you. In his mind, it damn well could be. One of you really could be dead by tomorrow evening and then that was it. He’d never see you smile or laugh again or look at him like he was the most important thing in the world. The thought was sickening. No matter how confident or cocky he’d act, he was still just Choi Su-bong. And Choi Su-bong was undeniably yours.

You put your arms around his neck as you kissed him back - the feeling of his hands on your waist keeping you in the moment and erasing any memory of the earlier events just for now. His hands slipped under your shirt to feel your skin before he pulled away from the kiss and opted for leaving kisses on your neck instead. He sucked at the skin so delicately and slowly, trying to savor his time with you as much as possible. His lips paused for a moment when they hovered over your pulse point before he kissed the area and bit it softly to mark you right above your pulse so he could feel your heart beat quicker - a silent confirmation that you were still very much alive. 

His hands trailed down to the waistband of your pants before he tugged them down till they dropped to the floor. His hand then pulled your underwear down too, not wanting to waste time with foreplay with the limited time you two shared together. His index finger gently traced over your clit making a moan escape the back of your mouth. “You’re already wet for me? God - I can just skip ahead then, yeah?” he says as he pulls his hand to pull his pants down along with his boxers. 

“Not even a little prep?” you question as you look at him. He laughs quietly before nodding his head. “Fine, but you better cum quick - I need to feel you,” he speaks as one of his hands finds its way to your hole again. He carefully rubs his fingers back and forth before slipping in a finger. His free hand went to cover your mouth when a moan escaped as he couldn’t risk the guard outside the bathrooms hearing and breaking up this moment with you. 

“Gotta be quiet, baby,” he says as he starts to finger you. You nod your head as you try to keep as quiet as possible. He inserts another finger and begins to quicken the pace in which he thrusted his fingers in and out of you. He kept his eyes on your face, loving your reactions to his fingers deep inside your aching core. He had always observed you like this but there was something different about it now that you two had each other to lose. Everything was so much more passionate than usual. You found that your release came much quicker this time around as you released on his fingers. 

“God, you’re so good for me,” he says as he pulls his fingers out slowly before bringing them to his mouth and tasting you. He held eye contact with you as he sucked his fingers clean before leaning down and kissing you again, his hand finding its place on the back of your neck to keep you close. He slowly lined himself up with you, his tip rubbing against your entrance making him let out a small groan. 

He slowly pushed into you, burying his face into your neck as he stretched you out with his dick. He let out a heavy huff at the feeling of being inside you. It felt euphoric. You were so unbelievably tight as he continued to inch himself further in. You let out a moan that was muffled by his hand as he finally pushed in the rest of his dick with one stroke. “You good?” he asks as he pulls his head away from your neck and looks at you. You were still for a few moments before you nodded your head - finally adjusting to the stretch.

The moment you nodded your head, he slipped out before thrusting right back in. He let out a low groan as he repeated the movement over and over, making sure you could feel every inch of his cock deep inside you. You leaned your head back against the stall door as he thrusted in and out of you with a quick pace. His hands grab at your hips roughly to keep you still while he thrusts in and out of your tight hole. “God.. Holy fucking shit,” he mumbled under his breath as the sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the bathroom. He loved being deep inside you like this. It felt so fucking good. Even more so now because it was a way to reassure himself you were still here with him and not one of the many corpses he saw earlier.

The thought you could be dead soon spurred him on to fuck you harder. He hated that possibility. He didn’t want to think about that. He just wanted to think about you. How your head was thrown back, how your arms were wrapped around his shoulders, how you tried to keep quiet but struggled because he made you feel so good. He loved every fucking part of you - you were perfect.

"Fuck - I love you. Do you hear me? I love you so fucking much. Please say it back" he spoke as he thrusted into you quickly, his pace getting sloppy as he drew ever-so closer to a sweet release. God, he wanted to fill you up with his cum but he needed to hear you say that you loved him like he loved you. He needed to know you cared for him and wouldn’t leave him anytime soon. You nodded your head before forcing yourself to look him in the eyes. “I-I love you too,” you speak and the groan he lets out is so loud.

He immediately releases with one last thrust, making sure his cum spills deep inside of you. You released along with him with a moan and you both stilled. It was quiet for a few moments aside from the heavy breathing that filled the bathroom. He leaned his forehead against yours and closed his eyes as he came down from his high. His hands slowly trailed up from your hips to your face as he gently held your cheeks in his hands.

“I love you,” he repeats as he opens his eyes and looks into yours. There was very much a different kind of look in his eyes this time. A look that told you how much he really meant what he said. There was a hint of fear in his eyes too as he genuinely feared that he may lose you sooner or later to these stupid games.

“I know,”

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Jan 4th

~*~

1. Hello! I'm trying to find what I'm fairly sure was a threadfic, though I could be mistaken. It had single dad wwx dating lwj, but a-yuan hated his dad's new bf, to the point that wwx ended up breaking up with lwj. But then a-yuan felt bad and schemed to get them back together. Thanks!

~*~

2. Hi everyone can someane please tell me the title of one fanfic of modao zu shi i seaching. A long time ago i discovered a fanfic of mo dao zu shi wich containe this infos :The plot vaguely is :after being taken under a curse lan zhan and wei ying spend the night in the cave and see know what they did ~~. Wei ying due to the curse was able to get pregnant and left to hide and raise her child (black hair but golden eyes like her father lan zhan). Wei ying and her child are taken care of by ghosts or a ghost I don't know anymore. After more twists Wei ying died like at the beginning of the original novel. After several years despite all these efforts Lanzhan was not able to call the soul of Wei Ying. Her son who became a little older then worked every day in secret on the dark spells like his mother did and tried to bring his mother back and succeeded etc...please if someone know about the title please tell me i read it in wattpad but today as i didn't know the title and as there are lot of fanfic i couldnt find it. @foxfel

~*~

3. Hello once more! Again thank you for finding the fics. This time there's this fic: WWX doesn't die cause Baoshan Sanren saves him after he throws himself off the cliff and he's tended to by her and Lan yi (who's BS's cultivation partner) and is in coma for 10 years. After waking up he doesn't have his memories and is thus named Genxin(Gengxin?)(he's names sth!) and can finally have the life he was denied as a child for the next 6 years. I also remember he wears beautiful clothes with different colors and cuts and this was the aspect that caught my eye. Also Nie Mingxue if found alive when he joins the mystery solving band. Sooo it'd be good if it can be found since all my search didn't bear fruit @raven-hale

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people, no pinning, LWJ learns how to speak, WWX is not oblivious, Established Relationship, wangxian are married and have a son, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, Canon-Typical Violence, LSZ is LWJ & WWX's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts)

~*~

4. Hi! I'm looking for a fic in where cultivator lwj gets zapped into modern times right in wwx's apartment. He says there for a while before retunifn back to his world to investigate some mysterious illness with lxc. Meanwhile, the Wens destroyed wwx life in the modern world and he got kicked out. Lwj doesn't know what happens to hum when he went back but wex switched places with mo xuanyu in lwj's reality and lwj is trying to piece together what happened to wei Ying as they both investigate the qi disease. There are also no duplicates across both worlds. The Wens run a health company called Wenquish. They were trying to ge Wen Ning on it too.

FOUND? take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, WangXian, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Fish out of Water, Man Out of Time, WWX questionable decisions, LWJ lizard brain, Angst with a Happy Ending, WWX's lack of self-preservation, Student WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard LWJ, Slow Burn, Character Death, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon LWJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, WWX be like "i should be scared but instead im just horny", feat: lwj horny grip, Case Fic, Russian Translation Available, Transmigration, America, Spanish Translation Available, [Podfic of] take me back to a time by dreamhazer)

~*~

5. Hello! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you can help me find this one fanfic! Lan Wangji was in a meeting i think and Wei Wuxian was walking around the cloud recessess then the lan juniors or juniors in general decided to follow him around (like little duckling following their mother) thankyou!

~*~

6. Hi! So there was this fic which I remember only reading the summary of, I don't actually start it (I think cause it was a WIP or maybe I didn't like a tag??) but it was basically that WRH had a list of all the future oracles, and the last one on the list was WWX

hi! I'm #6 on the fic finder and id like to add that WWX was the last oracle on the list after WRH(??), so WRH wanted to keep him, I think that was implied

~*~

7. Hi! This is fic finder. Set in modern era. A-yuan lives in orphanage. He and the children there is not treated kindly by the matron (? I dont know what they are called) but a-yuan gets the worse treatment. I think the matron is Wang Lingjiao. And then the Lan comes and wants to adopt him. There are trial time i think for a-yuan to decide if he wants to be adopted or not but in the end he accept. Then the Lan announced that they are searching for someone (WWX). I think its because a-yuan asked them? I dont remember why. And then WWX comes using a bus but when he arrived he saw that a-yuan is happy so he go back. I think Su She who work as security for the lan noticed him and chased WWX away. I think he followed WWX too. After that Su She noticed a pendant that WWX wears and accused him for stealing. Something happen and then WWX lives in the Lan estate. Wangxian falls in love. And then it was revealed that WWX wants to adopt a-yuan but WLJ does something that males WWX cant adopt a-yuan. I dont remember if WWX tells LWJ or he found out that a-yuan is the late WRH grandchild. Thats all i can remembeer. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

~*~

8. I had it bookmarked but can't find it. Please help! Ai remember the fic had wwx in the demon slaughtering cave but it wasn't a real cave it was modern au I think and he snuck into the demon slaughtering cave for comfort i think i don't fully remember?

~*~

9. Hello! For fic finder: modern setting, wei ying didnt know about aftercare, so after hooking up with lan zhan he gets confused by his dom trying to take care of him and tries to leave, confusing lan zhan in turn. wen qing had been looking out for him after his hook ups previously. despite not usually hooking up with the same person more than once, he keeps seeing lan zhan. wei ying is scared of being too clingy, but lan zhan explains the concept of aftercare, leading to wei ying wondering why his previous doms never bothered and if he had done something wrong, which lan zhan refutes. they end up deciding to date.

FOUND! try a little tenderness by ilip13 (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, BDSM, Dom/sub, Aftercare, Subdrop, Reference to bad BDSM etiquette in wwx’s past, Reference to wwx’s self-worth issues, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Little bit of miscommunication in the beginning but they get better at it, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Reference to BDSM scenes)

NOT FOUND! like it's the only thing i'll ever do by quothhh (M, 5k, WangXian, WWX/Other (Offscreen), Modern AU, Pre-Relationship, Aftercare, Sub Drop, Pining)

~*~

10. Hello! A good while ago I read a fanfic (modern au) in which wwx had a depressive episode in which he couldn't even get out of bed, I haven't been able to find if and I was wondering if lt sounded familiar to anyone? ♡ @menimimimeni

Hi! I'm #10 in the last fic finder, unfortunately that wasn't the fic I was talking about 😞, that said I read it and it was very lovely

On another note I think it might have been an arranged marriage au, however I'm not sure, what I'm sure of is that lwj was really worried about wwx

NOT FOUND!🔒your heart is mine to fortify by sunflowersfield (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Bakery AU, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Neurodiversity, Anxiety, Insomnia, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Pining, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Domestic Fluff, Slice of Life)

FOUND? Polishing Jade by Starra (M, 252k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Modern AU, Awkward Dates, Slice of Life, Most likely OOCness, Falling In Love, Everyone Needs A Hug, Loneliness, Feelings Realization, Drinking to Cope, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, slow-ish build, Might not be slow enough for some people my bad, The real Slow Build is how long it takes for them to actually get married, Eventual Cohabitation)

~*~

11. Can you help me find s fic that was i think a/b/o, but im not quite sure, and it was a mafia au and wwx was pregnant?

FOUND? Baby, You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by TriviasFolly (E, 177k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Omega LSZ, Mafia AU, Modern AU, Sects are Clans, Feral WWX, Feral Omegas, Nurse WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Possessive Behavior, Possessive LWJ, feminine WWX, wwx's cannon desire to be a sugar baby/trophy wife, Breeding Kink, Mpreg)

~*~

12. Hello! Good morning/afternoon/evening! I'm asking for fic finder :D Looking for the fic where the entire nie sect traveled back in time except for Nie Mingjue and he's very much confuse on why everyone is treating him differently. specific scenes like the cooks preparing his favorite meals, his cousins/nie disciples taking turns to guard him

thank you!!

~*~

13. Hi! I'm a big fan of your work. Thank you for compiling lists of recs and finding fics!

I've been looking for a specific cannon divergent fic. I remember everything mostly going the same up until the end of the Sunshot campaign.

For some reason, the wens aren't killed off. A new original character is put in charge. Either NHS, WWX or JZX thinks something is up with the new wen clan leader an sect leader Jin.

For some reason WWX ends up in cloud recesses. Marriage or healing?

There are also two memorable sect conferences in the story where JGS uses demonic cultivation (either WWX's work or help from the new wen sect) to control people. The first one is used to upset the sect leader's and get them angry. WWX finds out about this one and tells people. For the most part it backfires, and JGS tries to blame it on him then uses someone else as a scapegoat. JYL is pregnant with JL, and the array makes her feel sick and leave. I don't think NMJ was affected though.

The second time, an array is hidden in JGS bedroom and is like some kind of aphrodisiac/compulsion array for JGS to assault some young woman.

In the end, JGS next victim kills him publicly and the Jin and Wen sects are exposed. Wen Qing is the next Wen leader and the Jin sect has a lot of restructuring to do. @hopesteapot-blog

FOUND? Back To The River (So Learn To Swim) by kalany (M, 83k, CSSR/WCZ/JFM/YZY, XuanLi, WangXian, Fix-it fic, self-reincarnation, autotransmigration, time travel adjacent Pregnancy, access to appropriate obstetrics care, Childbirth, Unplanned Pregnancy, Polyamory, Polygamy, survival sex, unwanted pregnancy ending in termination, on-page death of a child, Murder of a Child, non-explicit discussion of sexual assault, Sexual Coercion, brief glimpse of sexual assault, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Sexism, background asexual JC, bisexual JFM, bisexual YZY, Bisexual CSSR, bisexual WCZ, Sect Heir JYL) the conference stuff is from this fic

~*~

14. Hi! This is a request for a 3-Jun centric fic. Really hoping you will find it...

It’ set with Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue as assassins, working under Jun Guangshan and Wen Ruohan respectively. Lan Xichen is a teacher in some kind of a politically cordoned off sensitive place and holds the secret to access the Yiling patriarch through his brother, LWJ. MY NMJ get assigned to LXC, being forced to work together to get their hands on some weapon or something… WWX is rumoured to be dead, but actually is the elusive Yiling patriarch, secretly working for the Jiang siblings. It is a complete story, and sooooo good and I wanna reread it, but i cant find it 🥲

Thanks so much!!!

FOUND? The Man From Y.I.L.I.N.G. by Eleanor_Fenyx, little-smartass (Linxcat) (M, 123k, 3zun, WangXian, JYL/JZX, JC & WWX & JYL, The Man From U.N.C.L.E AU, Spies & Secret Agents, Modern, but make it mid-1960's cold war China, JGS's A+ Parenting, The homoeroticism of falling in love with your mark, and also your unwanted mission partner who irritates the shit out of you)

~*~

15. Hello i'm looking for a fic where lwj was an emperor, the kingdom held a concubine selection and wwx was forced to participate by yu ziyuan, and unfortunate for him he was chosen. The wen siblings became his servants. In the fic i think he tried to be kicked out of the palace/harem but emperor lwj was quit smitten,and i think lwj already knew wwx, but wwx didn't know him. In one of the scenes lwj found out that he got treated poorly from the other servant/concubines, and wangxian where intimate real fast. @ahiku-chan

~*~

16. happy new year, mods! looking for a fic: I'm not sure if it might have been in a modern setting, but it's one where there are multiple versions of wwx from the past, including a child, that the present wwx buries in his garden and has to kill (?) over and over. lwj initially doesn't know but eventually finds out about this secret. thank you! @potatokunst

FOUND! Howling by MimiSpearmint (E, 40k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mortal Instruments Fusion, Horror, Eldritch, Domestic Fluff, Single Parent WWX, Witchcraft, Getting Together, shifter!lwj, yllz!wwx, Intercrural Sex, Hand Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, Switch WangXian, a bit of a degradation kink, anti-STI sex talismans, Anal Sex, Oral Sex)

~*~

17. hello, I'm looking for a fic where a young LWJ meets his older self multiple times during the canon timeline. The first time the younger LWJ sees him, it is around the time of the cloud recesses study arc, and he mistakes his older self to be his father. He has multiple conversations with his older self. Thank you as always for your help! @classygreydove

FOUND? 花无百日红; the flower that withers by yiqie (M, 29k, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Case Fic, Spells & Enchantments, Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, It’s about the emotional catharsis, If you have ever laughed at WWX clowning himself for the 'no one will marry you’ scene, This fic is: for you) I’m pretty sure 17 is the flower that withers, it’s from adult LWJ’s perspective, but the description otherwise feels right.

~*~

18. Hi I’m looking for this fic where lan wangji and Wei wuxian are already together post canon. Wwx is messing around with his talismans and accidentally curses lan zhan to kill him. The rest of the fic (3-4chapter I think) is wwx trying to undo the curse and lan zhan trying to kill him. There’s an explicit scene and wwx uses that as a distraction to escape and there’s a river I think?? Anyway thank you!!

FOUND? all the broken things that I made by ilip13 (E, 43k, WangXian, Post-Canon Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Lovers To Enemies, (then back to lovers I'm not a monster), Dubcon Kissing, Dubious Consent, But mostly not in the way you might expect - see notes for details, Explicit Sexual Content, Bondage, Flirting, Competence Kink)

~*~

19. Searching for a fic that I read a along time ago on archive and any help in locating would be appreciated.

Wei Yings a god and he meets kid Lan Zhan one night. He drops some sort of Wen artifact that helps Lan Zhan save Gusu when the Wens attacked. Wei Ying is punished and doesnt see LanZhan for a long time. Next time they see each other Lan Zhan is grown and Wei Ying fondly calls Lan Zhan his little light bearer. Lan Zhan falls in love but Wei Ying does not understand human feelings. Push and tug, Wei Ying seals with powers as a god within bells to experience human emotions. Cant remember anymore details. Any help is appreciated @katwkay

NOT FOUND! Flaming Gentians by Honey_and_Chocolate (T, 28k, WangXian, WIP, Immortal WWX, Fox WWX, Dragon LWJ, Older WWX, Younger LWJ, Child LWJ, Burial Mounds, Attractive WWX, YLLZ WWX, Soulmates, Self-Indulgent, Fluff and Humor, WWX likes to wear accessories, earrings mainly, WWX has been friends with almost every important figure of the cultivation world, presumed engagement, heaven is just another world, one that WWX has made scared shitless of him for eternity)

FOUND! classygreydove: 19 is "Lying on the Edge of a Star" I'm pretty sure. It was a fic I also asked wangxianficfinder to find and later discovered the fic was moved to a hidden collection. I spent a lot of time tracking a copy of it down using wayfinder/internet archive. @/katwkay if u want the pdf of the fic feel free to dm me

~*~

20. Happy new year buddy!

A) Can you help me find a fic where WWX comes back alive (looking like a hobo. I think he was in his original body) and learns that people are competing to marry LWJ. He receives proposals from various sects including an older woman I think..

Obviously none would win. I think WWX wins against all of them (lookin like a hobo).

B) There is a similar fic where people trying to defeat LWJ so that they can marry him. There was a instance where both of them where walking and a man outta nowhere came and have a sword fight with LWJ much to WWX's chargin.

.

I'm not sure if both of the above fic are the same....😅 @grrumpywoof

20B)

FOUND? dream of a funeral; hear of a marriage by defractum (nyargles) (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, First Time, Fluff and Humor)

~*~

[mawlbone]

LUCKY RABBIT’S FOOT - KÖNIG

SNIPPET: Preparing for the winter means a lot of preserving and curing food for the long nights ahead. So when a giant rabbit falls into your traps, you can only sigh as you release it once more… And again, again, and again.

[CW: gender neutral reader, socially awkward reader, giant flemish rabbit hybrid König, hunting, mention of dead wild animals, childhood neglect, bullying, bad memory, and loneliness.]

[COMMENT: So many bunny König posts going around… Makes me very happy! Apologies for being very late to the party, but I brought this, have a fluffy little guy to hold. Also I should probably make a hybrid au post like my pet au one, but I will think myself into exhaustion assigning everyone a creature. But in short, like pet au, hybrids are kept as an open secret, kind of, but mostly reserved for military work.]

You realized from an early age that you were a surprise as many of your relatives liked to call you, which in adult-speak is a socially acceptable way to say you were unwanted. For as much as adults likes to underestimate what a child know and doesn’t know, it’s not hard to tell when everyone immediately goes silent when you enter the room.

It’s not like you asked to be born, neither did you asked for much. So why? Why cannot you even get a morsel of the attention that your peers can get. It doesn’t matter, children are adaptable therefore children too get used to feeling disappointed.

Crying gets you nowhere there’s no one willing to find you.

It’s not like they were abusive, there’s enough food on the table and a bed for you to sleep in, but nights at the dinner table while everyone else was out and about without you still inevitably stings. You rarely hear your family anymore, signing off your own paperwork for your own education and attending your own graduation by yourself. No effort in remembering anything about you at all, even at times forgetting your age.

So you don’t know how to act whenever you’re around people. It’s hard to gauge what you’re doing correctly or not when you have no practice whatsoever in knowing how to act. So parties at family friends’ house usually consist of you standing in the background and watching instead of participating in the play that everyone seemed to be part of, except you. Usually you find yourself just fiddling with your clothes or touching any textures your brain found enough fascination in.

Despite everything, if there’s one good grace you get from your family was your grandfather’s house, which you get to visit every summer. He was your stereotypical man: grumpy and grey from a bad leg injury during his service and not much of a talker. You’re sure he puffs more than he breaths in the many times you came to see him, but he made it a point to never do it in the same room as you. You never met your grandmother, she died before you can be born but from the giant portrait of him and her on the wall, you can guess he deeply cherishes her.

When you were old enough, you can remember taking you out for hunting trips with him. Long drives in the car with nothing more than lunch and his old rifles as he lectures you about gun safety time and time again.

During these moments, he’s the most talkative to you. Gently guiding you to the handle and teaching you how to be careful around animals and use every part of them.

Leave nothing behind, it’s the least you can do for taking a life even if it’s for your benefit.

Perhaps such an act would had raise eyebrows from anywhere else but humans are the scariest thing to you, so you ignore them for the most part as you gradually increase from small rabbits to the deers that overpopulate the area.

You’re not sure if you’re his favorite grandchild, but the effort he had done into at least spending time with you made him your favorite family member, you would had invited him to your graduation if it wasn’t for his worsening health.

An inheritance, a little cabin in the woods was what you had received in your grandfather’s will with a considerable sum of money to get you started, no word left behind as usual. Typical grumpy old man he was, you left behind his favorite cigars and flowers at his bed. Though you had to say, you had gotten a bit of a kick in getting the appliances while everyone else was arguing over family heirlooms. Hey, products are not meant to last nowadays, might as well get the oldies.

So here you are, living alone with your company only being the occasional visiting deer outside your window. And your visit into town only consist getting your medicine and last minute groceries nowadays.

It’s nice… The escape from everyone.

No longer did you had to deal with snippy comments for every little action you do in the endless bullying from your household. Still, it doesn’t satisfy that emptiness in your stomach.

You’re not sure what you hunger. It’s hard to tell with the limited amount of energy you have nowadays.

Scattered scribbled notes litter your bedroom and trash reminding you to maintain your schedule: brushing your teeth, taking a shower, making phone calls with your client to pick up their orders… All of it so you can feel some sort of maintenance in your life, at least normal enough to pass for your own self-satisfaction.

You’re too nervous to go to a therapist anyways.

But taking over your grandfather’s hunting business wasn’t what you expected in your career plans, not that you are complaining, it keeps the bills paid: selling the meat, bones, and using what couldn’t be sold to feed yourself from your trips to the woods.

However, the last thing you could had expected while checking on the last of your traps was the fattest rabbit you ever seen stuck in one of your footholds trap with a broken front paw laid in front of you.

All black with the slightest blond stripe down its face, you can only stare as it huffs and thumps its foot down at you. Almost daring at you to pick it up and find out. Hard to look intimidating with giant floppy ears though, as you laugh at the trapped animal.

It’s awfully cute. A flemish rabbit, you learned later after tucking the animal underneath your arm to take back to your truck. Too weak and exhausted to fight back with its injury.

You didn’t kill it.

After all it may had been someone’s pet if anything with how well-maintained its fur is. Though you were met with the fluffiest kick in your life when you had to check its sex wondering about whether it needed to get fixed or not.

You didn’t dare to give it a name, attachments is scary enough as is but taking care of him was probably the most interesting aspect of your year.

His fur was unbelievable soft, better than any fox or deerskin you had touched before when you brought him home. It’s embarrassing how you got yourself in a bit of a giddy after you removed the trap and wrapped the poor thing’s leg after contacting your closest veterinarian for help. Pressing your face into his dense coat while he laid on your lap and eating your greens all while huffy didn’t bother you, it’s probably the closest physical touch you had in years.

Animals were a lot easier to handle than people, you think as you settle him inside a large box of yours laid between thick old blankets you no longer use before in your living room. Just feed and love them enough and they’ll stay with you.

How nice…

You’ll call later to see if anyone lost their pet rabbit, but for now, you get to enjoy laying beside the rabbit and watch as he hides his squishy face from you. You had to hold yourself from squealing at the adorableness of his actions. Even if you panic whenever he gets too close to any one of your notes, fearing he’ll eat them and make him sick.

In weeks time, he’ll make a full recovery and be out of your life. So you’ll enjoy what comfort you can get from this new little creature in your life before he’s inevitably gone.

—

When König escaped into the woods after unexpectedly being ambushed from wrong intel, the last thing he could had expected was for himself to be trapped within a hunter’s trap for hours on end with a broken leg if anything.

A human’s trap to make it worse, as his ears perked up, hearing the crunching of leaves and branches being brushed aside before beady eyes meets you, a painfully ordinary person, he thinks as he watch in dismay as their eyes gaze over his shifted form stuck in their machinery.

Should he be mortified? Yes, yes he should at the threat of a towering human nearby making him feel ever so small again.

All weak and pathetic.

He’s old, experienced, and definitely killed enough men to fill an ocean, so why? Why is he feeling like he’s back in the halls again dealing with spitballs being flung on the back of his head, older children slamming him against the walls for fun, and dealing with daily beating at the back of the school and for the first time in decades…

He feels scared.

For all his muscles and size, he couldn’t save himself for what you plan to do with him.

Maybe it’s the grace of humans to be given enough intelligence to feel merciful towards the small. He doesn’t know. He’s too tired to fight back anymore as you settle him inside the truck after weak attempts to escape. Might as well die without pain, he so thinks.

But nothing could had prepared him for the absolute babying he received once he arrived inside your home. Honestly, it’s almost sickening if he’s wasn’t enjoying it so much as you cooed and pamper him, wiping his paws and checking his bandages regularly with a giant bowl of fresh veggies for him to eat. Hell, even massaging his fur! Never in his life had he been treated as a pet as he cries at the loss of his dignity. But fuck, if he’s not enjoying the sensation of your nails pressing against his skin and soothing him to sleep regularly.

Sure, you may be giggling like some freaks he know every time you press your face into his back but at the end of the day, he’s breathing, alive and even thriving at this unexpected vacation he found himself in. But you have duties to do, your hunting. So often times, he will find brief moments where he’s alone while you’re out hunting to shift and stretch his muscles and do some snooping around your cabin.

He never got the chance to properly take in all the notes taped to the walls of your bedroom as he was placed in another spare room but the sheer amount of paper covering everything was truly a sight. It was nothing important per se, if anything they were just mere instructions on the wall and dates of various kinds of all sort all litter around like a brain and its thoughts. Yellows mixed with blues and pinks and all sort of post its on your mirror and bathroom had him loss in all its vividness. Perhaps the strangest wallpaper he had ever seen if anything.

What a lost human.

He doesn’t know what to feel, perhaps a sense of pity at you or gratitude, which one first would be acceptable? He truly doesn’t know. Emotions are hard and it’s easier to numb everything out.

He’ll have to check in on you often if anything, he concludes once he shifts back after hearing your keys jangle into the front door and the familiar noises of you gently scolding him for getting his bandages all unwrapped again.

When the time comes for him to leave after his leg is all healed up, hopefully he doesn’t get grilled out by his superiors. For now, his mission is to accompany your time as he settles beside you on the couch to rest near the fireplace for warmth this chilly winter.

Goodbyes will be hard, but you won’t be alone anymore.

—

The next spring when you released your rabbit into the bushes, you had to stop yourself from shedding some tears when he refused to leave your lap and letting you have some last minute cuddles. His fur coat is shinier now, all soft and sleek from your endless pampering of the creature and truly did the black fur sparkle in the sunlight as you held him tight before he ran off to the depths of the woods with nothing more than the platters of his feet against the dirt road.

Truly, you thought that will be the last you seen of him. He didn’t appear the following summer or fall much to your disappointment with every pitter patter of your heart, which you desperately tried to ignore. Life still continued, and you’re alone once more with nothing more than your notes and mind to accompany you. But when a peek of black fur comes across your view in the middle of your checkup standing right next to your trap with a familiar thump.

Your heart had quicken as you crashed through the brambly bushes to see your dear bunny looking all grumpy and white from the snow falling down onto his black coat. You were met with 20 pounds of softness as he jumped onto you, giving you enough time to brace yourself as you carried the loaf around and cheering, swinging your rabbit around and around in an excited rampage before settling down once more to inspect him.

His leg is all fine, but there’s a glaring red collar wrapped around his neck with a tag on it.

So he is someone’s pet, you muttered quietly to yourself as you flipped over the sliver tag and brush your glove over the cold metal to find a name embedded onto its surface.

Perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise once you read it. How fitting for such a large creature…

König, a king, hm?

How perfect, you think to yourself with a nothing more than a smile before your rabbit nudges you to focus back on him with a firm thump against your lap to cuddle him some more, even nudging its head against your check to redirect your focus on him, which you can only laugh at as your hands immediately scrunch his warm sleek fur.

It’s always lonely during this time of the year for you in the silence of nature, but for the first time in years, you get to enjoy it with a floppy eared friend for many more winters to come.

[ere-the-sun-rises]

I've got a story about this exact situation.

| | |

I had to read "The Stone Angel" by Margaret Laurence in Grade 12 English. It's hard to describe - a kind of day-in-the-life-of/character study/old-woman-tells-you-her-life-story kind of book. It's not about anything, necessarily - just a run through of one woman's version of the human experience. She tells her story as it happened, occasionally interjecting regrets or observations from her vantage point in the future. An interesting narrative design, and a compelling one.

I hated every fucking moment of reading that book. I bitched and moaned and resented it for taking up my life.

The worst part was, ironically, the protaganist. She was the most bitter, vile, wretched and judgmental shrew I'd ever had the misfortune to read about. I loathed her and being forced to see through her eyes. She would say and think unhinged and cruel things to people who loved her and cared for her. Had she been real before me, I would have slapped her so hard she'd get whiplash. She was repulsive, and even the really shitty things that happened to her - like two abusive husbands who left her broke and shamed - could not summon my pity or empathy. I didn't think she deserved what they put her through, but by god, she certainly didn't deserve to be happy.

And then ... the ending happened.

She skips back and forth between describing her past and narrating her present, where's she's an 80-something living with her second son and his wife. She tells you early on that she's doing this mental exercise because she's been diagnosed with dementia, so she wants to remember everything as it happened.

She decides to wander the neighbourhood and gets lost for three days. She finds and makes friends with a homeless man who lets her share his cardboard and newspaper bedding. They swap some stories about their lives. She thinks about her life on a park bench during the day, sitting in the sun and enjoying the warmth after a cold night. She finally admits she's been ungrateful (and unrepentantly evil) to a lot of people in her life (especially her second son and especially especially his wife). Then, in the middle of a thought, the sentence stops short and the rest of the page is empty. It took me a moment to register what had just happened. I re-read the last few sentences a few times before it clicked.

She died.

An elderly woman, riddled with dementia, lost and unable to find her way home, died out in a public park, alone.

Except I was there.

I'd been there with her the whole time. I left the house with her, followed her through the little city she lived in, listened as she told me her whole life story. I had been with her to her final breath and thought - the only one who was. Someone random. A stranger who, until this very moment, had reviled her and sought only to escape her miserable fucking life - I was who she died with. Not her son who loved her so much or her daughter-in-law who spent years looking after this frigid bitch, not anyone from her past - me. Just ... me.

I was shattered. I sat on my bedroom floor, staring at and rereading her last, unfinished words. I knew she had more to say and only now, once she was gone, did I want to know them. All the resentment drained out of me and I was left by myself for the first time in weeks, hollowed out and sad. Sad for all of it - the misery her husbands put her through, the elitist pride she saddled herself with, the disdain she showed everyone around her, the heartbreak of her son when he inevitably found her body. So much time and energy ... all wasted by her. She couldn't realize much she had until she's elderly and lost, and through a confluence of chance and her own high-handed sins, she dies here. With nothing by ghosts and no one but a distant stranger who never talks back.

I closed that book and stared blankly at the cover art. I just watched that woman die. And this transcript of her thoughts is all that's left of her now - sitting on the floor between my legs and staring silently back at me.

| | |

I only read this book once, and I'm unlikely to ever read it again. I hated her, and I'd probably hate her even more now that I'm an adult with more adult perspectives on the things in her life.

I think everyone should read it.

It's a miserable slog with a repugnant protaganist and it broke my heart so thoroughly that I still remember it a decade later. I've never had a book - before or since - strip me bare with all the things it didn't say. The pathos is extraordinary and devastating. The absence of her words, the unfinished thoughts in her mind ... haunting.

I said that this book isn't about anything, because it isn't. But "The Stone Angel" is something ... her tombstone. It's simultaneously what it is to die and to watch someone die. To feel loss, even for someone you might hate. She's dead, and her death doesn't take her wrongs with her or undo her own suffering - it's just silence. Loss. Maybe even grief.

But that's the point, isn't it? To feel grief, one must have empathy, sympathy; feel affection or pity or both. This book made me feel grief for a fundamentally unpleasant fictional woman simply by letting me experience her life with her.

You'll hate reading this book, and I think you should.

I straight up do not trust you if you did not enjoy a single book you had to read for English class. I know they assigned some real stuffy stinkers and the curriculum varies across districts but not one? Not The Outsiders? Not The Picture of Dorian Gray? Not Fahrenheit 451? Not even Frankenstein? Damn. That’s crazy.

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

Warden: You've never killed an innocent?

Zevran: Now there's an interesting word, "innocent." How many men do you know who can claim to be truly innocent?

Zevran: But if you're talking generalities, such as children and relatives and bystanders and such… never on purpose, but it happens.

Zevran: It's unfortunate, but death comes to us all. If not me, then some wasting disease. Or a fall down the stairs. Or at the hands of a darkspawn. It's all relative in the end.

Zevran: "Death happens," as we like to say. And when I get paid for it, death happens more often.

-

Zevran: In Antiva, being a Crow gets you respect. It gets you wealth. It gets you women… and men, or whatever it is you might fancy.

Zevran: But that does mean doing what is expected of you, always. And it means being expendable. It's a cage, if a gilded cage. Pretty. But confining.

-

Davrin: Lucanis, how do you decide when one of your targets deserves to die?

Lucanis: Usually when the client pays up front.

Davrin: I'm serious. Do you just kill anyone?

Lucanis: No. There has to be merit.

Davrin: "Merit?" Who decides that?

Lucanis: The Talon of the house.

Davrin: And then you just carry out the order?

Lucanis: It's my job.

Davrin: Must be tough to sleep at night.

-

Lucanis: You kill for a living, too, Davrin. How do you sleep at night?

Davrin: Like a baby. The things I hunt are pure evil. Monsters. There are no shades of grey with darkspawn. But you...

Lucanis: Provide a service.

Davrin: What if your target doesn't deserve to die?

Lucanis: Who does? Good, bad, everyone dies eventually. We just speed things up.

-

Emmrich: Do you have any say in your... targets?

Lucanis: You want to know if my victims deserved it.

Emmrich: Forgive me, I shouldn't have asked.

Lucanis: Everyone wonders.

Lucanis: I've never killed an innocent, by my count.

Lucanis: I cannot say if yours would agree.

-

Emmrich: Lucanis, do the implications of your work never trouble you?

Lucanis: Everyone on this team has killed before. I'm hardly unique.

Emmrich: Yes, of course. But in your case, it's a profession, rather than an act of necessity.

Lucanis: I'm not sure the Venatori or the Antaam see the distinction as you do.

-

Emmrich: I find it extremely interesting, Lucanis, that you consider the point of view of your enemies in battle.

Lucanis: I have to. It's much more difficult to find and kill them, otherwise.

Emmrich: Exactly! A utilitarian attitude towards death, and yet you extend empathy to your victims.

Lucanis: Not that much empathy.

Emmrich: Enough to wonder how the Venatori and Antaam view your actions.

Lucanis: Death comes to everyone, in time. I get paid to deliver it. Like a letter not everyone wants to read.

-

I think about this a lot. I'm always... surprised when I see the talk that they're supposedly trying to make Lucanis into the perfect "cinnamon roll" in Veilguard, because his sweet personality doesn't "match" his profession and background. Like, no? That's a very surface level of looking at it, I think.

Zevran is like this, too. He is an incredibly chill guy, and when you romance him, he is also very sweet and vulnerable, despite being an assassin. They're not that different in that department. They were both trained to be assassins since they were children. They're both traumatized in various ways. But neither of them acts like a bloodthirsty, evil freak. But they both also take pride in the job they do (or did), and how well they can do it, and have no intention of stopping. And yet they both express surprising empathy. (Zevran argues against annulling the Circle! Quite extensively!) And they make pretty much the exact same arguments about being killers for hire, as shown above.

Death is a natural part of life. Sometimes it just comes sooner, because we're there to deliver it. There's (almost) no such thing as an innocent person, so my victims aren't innocent people. Therefore, I've never killed an innocent in my entire life, as far as I know. (At least not intentionally.)

And that's interesting and fun about them! It's beautifully deranged. Lucanis completes an assassination mission, slitting somebody's throat or what have you, and then goes on his cosy coffee break, satisfied with a job well done.

The fact that they both say that they've never, in their opinion, assassinated "an innocent", so it's all good, doesn't automatically make it true and doesn't mean it's not complicated, however. Not every line of dialogue can be taken at face value. As video game players, we're rather desensitized to this, but hearing this should normally be at least a little alarming. For a regular person, at least. And it is for the people in the game! Like Emmrich and Davrin. Davrin has several banters with Lucanis about it. Like, who decides when somebody deserves to die and which contract's going to get carried out? Well, the "CEO" of "the company," of course! What could ever go wrong that way? Emmrich tries to coax Lucanis into saying that he does feel something about the whole thing, because he really wants it to be true. While Lucanis is very matter of fact about it. He knows what the Crows are, and that's it. He doesn't glamorize or demonize it.

So, it definitely isn't that "Veilguard says that Lucanis has never done anything wrong ever in his life," just like Origins doesn't do it with Zevran. Both the men's attitude towards killing is warped in an interesting way, completely in line with their background and upbringing. It shows when Lucanis argues with Davrin about them both being killers, because it completely escapes him (or maybe he ignores it for the sake of the argument) how the killing he does (contracts where the targets tend to be people) and the killing Davrin (a monster hunter, a darkspawn slayer) does is of different kind entirely. His logic is flawed at that point. But to him, it boils down to the fact that "it's just a job," and "killing is killing," and "death is death" regardless of form, and that rightfully baffles Davrin to no end. If anything, it shows how the Antivan Crows are taught to hand wave the issue, because the arguments Lucanis and Zevran both present are too similar to be anything else.

Of course, Lucanis, unlike Zevran, as the grandson of the First Talon and her favourite, might have had some extra privileges and wiggle space in comparison, which might have allowed him to bend the rules sometimes, give him space to show more compassion and act more heroically, because people are complex and there are many layers to what each person might consider right and wrong (e.g. killing is okay in various circumstances, and slavers in particular can get fucked - hell, we do it in video games all the time), but still. The fact that his grandmother wanted to tap a new market, so she made Lucanis specialize for hunting mages, which ultimately led to him killing a lot of Venatori and blood mages, makes it cleaner, which is nice, but then again, we hardly know the full extent of all his work. Moreover, when you ask Zevran to tell you stories about his jobs, you don't get much dirt out of him, either. He talks about some of the goofiest ones he's had. One of his targets that he (unsuccessfully) participated in taking out, a royal that got his position through plotting and murder, he also describes as somebody so immoral he basically deserved it. Also very clean. (Compare both these guys with somebody like Blackwall who truly committed a despicable act of murder for money that we do know of. And this single crime sounds so much more upsetting than anything either Lucanis or Zevran describe. None of the things Zevran says is as awful, besides the murder of his lover, which is framed like it wasn't really his fault, because he was misled.)

It's also worth noting that Zevran talks about how he was the best the Crows had before he left and how it brought him respect, wealth, women, men, or "whatever it is you might fancy." All in all, it comes with benefits. By his own admission, he was well off. But of course that came with a catch, as well. The "gilded cage" Zevran talks about. But that's not what made him leave. It was the plotting, backstabbing, and ever present distrust in the end, which led to the biggest mistake he'd ever made. Much like him, Lucanis also mentions that he had a comfortable life before getting captured, in the same quest where he also talks about how he didn't actually have full control of his life. ("Even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me.") The gilded cage comes up yet again. And it was plotting and backstabbing that made him lose a year of his life in the underwater prison.

My point is: Lucanis and Zevran are both assassins, because that's what they've always been, they were trained to be assassins since they were kids, they have a very pragmatic approach to death and killing, which they were most likely taught or perhaps were forced to develop, and they both take pride in how good they are at their job, and express no intention of ever stopping. And yet they both show that they have a good heart in various other ways, turn out to be friendly and incredibly loyal, and even very sweet as lovers. Because people can be complex, and so can be fictional characters. Yes, they're very different men, with different problems and personalities, yet also not that different.

You can't think that Lucanis is "too good" without also thinking that Zevran is "too good." You can't have this problem with Veilguard unless you also have it with Origins, is what I'm saying. And I think this may also apply to some of the other Crows we meet in Veilguard.

[wonderjanga]

au where billy and mary were friends w a teen patrick wayne before everything went down in the 40's and they both think that bruce is patrick and that hes shy cuz hes a hero now

I think Billy, Mary, and Patrick’s dynamic would’ve basically been two little kids and the older kid who hang out. Patrick would also have no problem treating them like his little siblings and would casually give them money in exchange for them helping him with experiments. He’d rather just give them the money but they won’t just accept it for free so he’d resigned to making them do little tasks instead.

Patrick: “Alright, I need three fairy wings, dried unicorn blood, sixteen siren scales, and dryad bark! Go! Go! Go!”

Mary and Billy: *salute before running off*

You might be wondering what he needs any of that for. You’ll know later.

Anyways, as for how Patrick found out about Billy and Mary being Captain Marvel and Mary Marvel…

Patrick: *talking to someone in Fawcett and trying to get siren scales because his usual suppliers (Billy and Mary) said they were busy with something at the moment (meeting with magical delegates)*

Seller: “Boy, you do realize how difficult it is to get siren scales, right? As far as I know, none of the shops in Fawcett sell it. Who is your dealer?”

Patrick: “My friends?”

Seller: “Your friends?! You know kids your age going after sirens so you can get scales?! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!”

Patrick: “It’s dangerous?! I had no idea??? They never come back hurt or complaining??”

Seller: “They’re coming back unscathed?? Who are your friends???!?”

Yeah… so that’s how Patrick found out about Captain and Mary Marvel being his two little suppliers/siblings. It took much poking and prodding and bribing, but eventually the two spilled. After that, they were just forced to take the money from Patrick anyways. He wasn’t gonna send them on those trips anymore. No siree. Doesn’t matter that they have superpowers.

Anyways, time moves on and unfortunately, Patrick was eventually old enough to be drafted into the war. He said bye to the kiddos went and came back, kept in contact with the kiddos up until the sixties when the time bubble appeared. By that time, Patrick was at least 30 and the twins had strangely not aged at all, not that he minded because Fawcett was weird like that. Thomas was a toddler at the time of it appearing. The time bubble caused Thomas to have a rather unfortunate early childhood as his father was always locked up in his study researching and wondering what the hell happened to the town, to the people, and to his friends. Fawcett was just gone. Practically overnight. Eventually though, he gave up and started focusing on his family again. He died thinking everyone in that little down had been erased.

Fast forward 50 something odd years and BAM the bubble pops! Billy and Mary are now in the present. They got to meet all of the new heroes, including Batman.

Marvel: “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Batman Si- Patrick?”

Batman: “Pardon?”

Mary: “Holy shoot, Patrick really is you!”

Batman: “My name is not Patrick-”

Marvel: “You’re so…” *looks him up and down* “Youthful! Did you finally make that elixir thingy?”

Batman: “What?”

Marvel: “You know? The elixir you always talk about. It was an elixir, right?”

Mary: “Wasn’t it called the elixir of life?”

Batman: “No…? I haven’t worked on an elixir at any point in time.”

Marvel: “Yeah, you have. We saw you! You’d always read that little book and do a little experiments!”

Mary: “And then the experiment would fail, and then you’d come to us covered in ash because nine times out of ten it exploded. Then, you’d slap twenty dollars in our hand and ask for us to find more ingredients so you could do more experiments.”

Batman: “I’ve never done that in my life. I assure you I’ve never met you before this moment.”

Now you know what all those mystical ingredients were for. Patrick Wayne was casually doing Alchemy. Everyone in Fawcett is at least somewhat magical after all. He didn’t even know he was doing it too. He’d still worked on normal human gadgets though, which still allowed him to contribute to Wayne Enterprises.

Bruce later went to his study (once Patrick’s study) as he remembered one of the books on his shelves was related to Alchemy. When he eventually found it and pulled it from the shelf, a photo slipped out. It was a photo of a younger version of his Grandpa and two kids which he both had in headlocks. When Bruce flipped the photo over, scrawled on the back was a date. After getting sidetracked and deciding to dig up some information on his Grandfather, Bruce came to the startling realization that this was when Patrick left for the war. This was a commemoration photo. Interesting. It was also interesting that the other two people- children in the photo looked suspiciously like the Captain and his daughter. Was this Mary and another brother, one that didn’t dabble in heroics? It made sense now why the Captain and Mary talked to him like they knew him. They both must’ve thought he was his grandfather. Oh well, Bruce isn’t gonna spoil the surprise. He can find out more information on them if he lets them think he’s his grandfather.

Marvel: “The war really toughened you up, huh? Did you inhale chlorine gas and somehow survive?”

Mary: “No silly.” *elbows him* “He didn’t sound like this when he came back from the war so something else must’ve messed up his throat.”

Batman: “My throat isn’t messed up in any way, shape, or form.”

Mary: “It isn’t? So you talk like that on purpose…?”

Batman: *doesn’t want to give away he isn’t Patrick* “…Yes.”

Mary and Marvel: *share a look before pointing and laughing at him*

Any nearby Justice League member was visibly surprised that Batman didn’t glare at them. Bruce himself was surprised he didn’t as well.

Robin!Dick: *standing beside Bruce as Bruce works at a computer*

Marvel: “Oh Tommy! Wait, Pat, this is Tommy right?”

Mary: “Of course it’s not Tommy. He wouldn’t feed the elixir to him while he was a kid. But then again, you can be a little stupid…”

Robin!Dick: “Did you just call him stupid?” *sounds like he wants to laugh* “Also no I’m not Tommy.”

Marvel: “Then are you a grandson…?”

Robin!Dick: “N-”

Batman: “Yes, he is. This is Bruce.”

Robin!Dick: *extremely confused* “What?”

Marvel: “Oh cool!”

[what-gs-watching]

"You can be beautiful or you can be ugly, but you can’t be plain."

Soooo I’m pretty sure I died over Christmas; my entire family got a stomach bug that was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and now I have a head cold and I’ve lost my voice and I’m convinced this is some weird limbo and I’ll never be healthy again.

BUT! Before all of that, my dad and I got to indulge in our favorite holiday tradition: going to the movies. He and I have been sneaking off in the afternoon once everyone falls into a Christmas coma to see something for like, fifteen years. That man hates holidays because my mom goes insane trying to make them perfect and he just wants to escape and I appreciate that he allows me to go with him. 

This year, I was especially excited - the first time I saw the trailer for A Complete Unknown in September, I called him immediately screaming about it. Bob Dylan’s music was a huge part of my childhood, another thing that my stoic father shared with me, and could not wait to see it with him. Honestly, I’d been vibrating out of my skin about it, shrieking at the tv every time the commercial would come on.

Gang. It was so worth it. What a beautiful fucking movie.

Wherein, 19 year old Bob Dylan (Timothee Chalamet) heads to New York City in 1961, befriends Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger (Ed Norton), breaks into the folk scene, falls in love, has insane on and off stage chemistry with Joan Baez, writes songs that define a generation, puts the Newport Folk Festival on the damn map, learns he doesn’t really love fame, and then eventually goes electric. 

I do realize this movie isn’t going to be for everyone - it’s specific. Like, were you alive then and you’re wanting to relive that time and the way Dylan’s music made you feel? Perfect, you’ll dig it. Or, are you a super weirdo like me that WISHES you were alive during that time and just deeply loves the 60’s aesthetic and longs for what you think was a simpler era but it really was not, and you just want to romanticize the whole thing and feel wistful about it? Amazing, get your ass to the theater. 

One thing I appreciated about this movie was that it wasn’t really shoving anything down your throat, what was happening wasn’t overly explained, there were no ridiculous voice-overs or forced understanding, and honestly, Dylan was fairly mysterious. It didn’t feel like it was from his point of view, you’re not going to come out of this feeling like you finally GET him. He’s still this weird mythical genius, just doing what he’s driven to do. He never explains himself and he never wants to. So is this really a biopic? Or are we just seeing a snapshot in time, take it or leave it? I don’t think it matters; it’s wonderful, either way.

Also, like, DAMN, Chalamet. He was fucking incredible. Dylan is a hard guy to portray, he’s always been kind of aloof, withdrawn, he’s never seemed like this larger than life personality and to pull off that demeanor in a way that’s still endearing to the audience is NOT easy. He really encapsulated Dylan’s confusing charm, it was pitch perfect. And I had to laugh to myself a bit - last year’s Christmas movie was Wonka, also starring Chalamet. What a hilarious dichotomy from one year to the next. 

I’m going to be watching all of the award shows just for this. Give this dude all the flowers. 

As much of a fan of his music as I am, I never did a deep google dive on him and so I really enjoyed seeing his relationship with Joan Baez unfold. The scenes of them performing together were honestly beautiful, their voices blending and complimenting each other. Her song “Diamonds and Rust” unsurprisingly was also a large part of my musical upbringing and to learn she’d written it about their relationship - fuck. I listened to it again after we left the theater and it was devastating in an entirely new way.

Here’s the thing. I absolutely cried big fat tears a few times sitting there. It’s not a sad movie in any way, shape or form. But when he performs “The Times They Are A-Changin’” at the festival, just him and his guitar and his harmonica, and the crowd starts singing along with him, having never heard it before, I sobbed, smiling. 

When I was a senior in high school, my dad - who notoriously never put effort into gifts for us kids, relying on my mom to know what to buy - sat down and  made me a bunch of mix CDs of the songs he’d always been sharing with me. One of them was his 12 essential Bob Dylan tracks. The rest of that year, I lived in those tracks. The agenda pad I used for that school year was littered with Dylan lyrics, it’s my basement even now, “don’t criticize what you can’t understand” scrawled all over it.

So I was 17 again, sitting there, or 8 or 21 or any of the ages I’ve been where Dylan has kept me company. “It Ain’t Me Babe” is deeply ingrained in my mind as part of the dumpster fire that was the relationship I had with the first boy I ever fell truly in love with, and watching his long-time girlfriend Sylvie (Elle Fanning) witness him singing that with Joan Baez was like a punch to the gut. 

I’m not 100% sure what I’m driving at with all of this, but what I can tell you is: A Complete Unknown is beautiful. If you have any connection to Dylan’s music, it’ll light your soul on fire. If you don’t, it’ll still immerse you in a time or place you really should visit. It’s fascinating and visceral and glimmering, and it just might change you, a little bit.

HOW does it FEEL?

[randomfoggytiger]

The Field Where I Died: The Tragic Flaws of Glen Morgan and James Wong

My thoughts on The Field Where I Died are divided into neat little categories for this episode: frustration for what we were given, acceptance of its existence, anger at Glen Morgan and James Wong's behind-the-scenes revelations, acknowledgment of their feelings, determination that the end product's truth was different than what was originally conceptualized, and genuine understanding of others' love for its creativity and vision.

But those thoughts are inseparable from a broader perspective of Morgan and Wong's work on Season 4.

I'm going to be pulling a lot of information from an interview here; but to save time (and sanity), I'll emphasize the quotes in italics instead of continually citing my source.

"I CAN DO BETTER" VISIONARIES

(Credit to: @sleepyscully.)

It's no secret that Morgan and Wong always wrote-- shall we say-- angsty episodes that drove a wedge in Mulder and Scully's relationship. Sometimes that was executed brilliantly-- Squeeze, Beyond the Sea, Home, Never Again-- and sometimes that was executed... badly. Their bent is the nature of conflict, and its potential resolution; or ideals and tarnished realities; or things we thought we knew and understood but never really did. And those are powerful tools... if, like all tools, they're wielded effectively.

They're the difference between the ridiculous conceit of Musings of a CSM-- an episode that set everyone against each other (we'll get to that)-- and Beyond the Sea-- and episode that wowed Carter (convincing him to keep Gillian on the show), fans, and critics alike.

I've already tackled how The Field Where I Died could work here (how Scully broke the cycle) and here (Scully, snakes, and reincarnation.) I have no qualms with the idea that Mulder and Scully themselves aren't romantic soulmates in every lifetime: that was never the magic of their relationship, to me. And I do love the concept that Melissa serves as a contrast for Mulder: as Morgan says,

 One reason why I wrote Melissa that way was my notion that if you’re Mulder and you found your soulmate, the love of all your loves, within the body of this unappealing person, what would you do? I don’t know if we totally explored that. I don’t know if Duchovny would agree with me – he knows more about Mulder – but I think Melissa is the type of women that Mulder would be attracted to. Someone like Bambi in ‘The War of the Coprophages’ is good for a joke, but I don’t really see Mulder going after her. There’s something sad about Melissa. There was a secret within her that was important for him to get at. That mirrors his life, and his own search for his sister. He is a character whose whole drive is to help everybody, but he’s so unsuccessful at that, and with helping himself. All he wants is to find one person that he can rescue – but he’s not too good at it.

No matter how despairing Mulder is, Morgan said, he would not be tempted, like Melissa, to end his life. “I looked at Melissa as if she decided reincarnation might be true, and that if she had chosen this life, at that point she realized, ‘This is a bad idea. This is a miserable life and I’m not getting much out of it. I’m just going back to heaven and I’ll wait for you.’ She wanted out. But Mulder, as much as he’d love to go to the other side to see what’s there, is a life-affirming character. He’s going to keep on looking. He’s not going to quit. Mulder has questions for this life.”

That rings true to me.

What I do have qualms with is that Mulder and Scully's incredible, undeniable, written-into-canon-at-this-point connection (that was established in the Pilot, purposefully, by Chris Carter himself, post here) is boiled down to a destined, warped tri-connection that is part of and secondary to his (chemistry-less) connection with a woman that doomed him in every lifetime. A woman who is an unreliable narrator, and who could easily be swaying Mulder into believing her story because of her own form of mental instability and fragility. It could be a beautiful love story, and it's undeniably beautifully shot (and mostly beautifully written), but it's not Mulder's-- it's Morgan's:

For Morgan, an episode about reincarnation and eternal soulmates was not just a good story for Mulder, but a personal expression of the thoughts and emotions he had experienced during the past year, when his relationship with Cloke grew from friendship into romance (they are now engaged), “I had gone through a failed marriage in which I had really believed,” Morgan revealed. “I had always wanted to believe there is somebody out there for you, and I had been in a situation where that didn’t come true. And I thought, ‘It’s a lie. That person you think is out there for you is a lie.’ But then I met Kristen and I was rejuvenated by that. I really thought. that you can be reborn in this life, not just life after death. I regained faith that there is one person for you, one person who, by being in your life, can motivate you to change the crappy things you were doing before. In this case, it was Kristen. I knew she did a lot of characters and voices, so I wanted to incorporate that.. I wanted to write something for her that challenged her. Also, I wanted to write something for David Duchovny that challenged him.”

("Challenged", indeed.)

And that... that rubs me the wrong way.

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU

I'm not here for Glen's romance, I'm sorry. I'm here to be persuaded that Mulder might have a soulmate, that Scully might be a soulmate, that all three could be bound in this doomed pattern for lifetimes; and if that cycle was broken with Melissa Ephesian's death. (More importantly: does Mulder and/or Scully believe it's broken?) What we were given instead was a memoir to love in general that shoehorned itself into the show without regard for canon.

I'm not angry with TFWID as much as I am other episodes (most of Existence and canon onward, for example) because Mulder and Scully's characterization never strays-- Field may have been carelessly wedged in, but it was skillful with its emotional exploration. Further, the events and facts presented so summarily contradict each other that there's no real "threat" propped up by its existence. And, while I can't excuse the cringe-inducing acting from Morgan's wife, I can explain why DD's turned out so "badly" (read: jarringly):

Bowman’s director’s cut ran so long that Morgan and Wong were forced to trim twenty minutes out of the episode.... Morgan felt that the emotional impact of Mulder’s hypnosis session might have been marred by the cutting, since it interfered with the flow of Duchovny’s acting throughout the entire scene. “I called David and I said, ‘I’m cutting it this way.’ I could hear that he was upset. I know what actors go through to prepare, and then to have to sit in a chair for a couple of hours in front of a bunch of grips and gaffers and people that they hang out with everyday, and cry – it’s just like taking off your clothes. And then to find it’s been cut out. I had to come home and tell Kristen, ‘Look, this part is coming out.’ She was upset and David was upset. Jim was off prepping ‘Musings of Cigarette Smoking Man’ or doing something and I was just very alone.’

(For context, the hypnosis scene was originally twelve minutes long.)

While I might be tempted to sympathize with Morgan, he didn't extend that sympathy equally to his wife or Duchovny, instead turning this combined loss into a one-sided self-pity party.

MULDER THE SACRIFICE, SCULLY THE SAVIOR

I also have a theory that Carter was writing Scully as a savior and Mulder as a sacrificial lamb for the mainline series (until he made William a magic baby and ruined eight years of build-up), post here.

There's a reason that The X-Files is told through Scully's perspective; and that Mulder is often compared to Ahab chasing the White Whale, to a man on a fated quest, to a boy who lost his sister and can't live freely until he has that closure. There's a reason that Scully is Mulder's "one-in-five billion", his salvation ("But you saved me!"), his constant, his touchstone-- and his "human credential", as David Duchovny put it. There's a reason that Carter banked an entire series off of a chemistry and bond he wrote into the graveyard scene, and maintains that that is when Mulder and Scully fell in love (though to what degree is up for fanon interpretation.) There's a reason that the CSM was wrong to picture Mulder as a Christ-like figure, and Scully was right to walk into Mulder's subconscious and rescue him with the truth ("Get up and fight.") There's a reason that Mulder's rescue in Deep Throat underscores his and Scully's partnership from then on out: he in danger-- be it from Jersey Devils, moth men, fated love triangles, Houston bombs, brain surgery, alien abduction-- and she his rescuer (discussed a little here.)

Why is this important? Because The Field Where I Died's concept is not without canonical merit: Mulder running headlong into danger, Scully holding him back long enough to prevent the cycle from repeating. And it ties into the mytharc's ad nauseam question of Fate v. Freewill (posts here and here.) TFWID could even work if you factor in the theory of Scully's immortality (post here.)

But the reality is, Morgan and Wong were not going for canonical adherence.

THE WONDER OF THE SUPERNATURAL, THE FAILURE OF THE HUMAN CONNECTION

Episodic timeline goofs and gaffes aside, the problems in The Field Where I Died lie deeper than which woman Mulder loves and which one he perpetually makes friendship bracelets with. The greatest problem arrives, settles, and stains with the introduction of soulmates: the recontextualization of the infamous MSR dynamic.

Morgan was focusing again on Mulder and Scully as humans; but he fumbled, amplifying then explaining away their "unspoken" as a supernatural connection rather than the meeting of uncannily similar minds:

Apart from personal considerations, Morgan and Wong wanted to reorient the show’s attitude towards the paranormal, which they felt in the third session had been expressed far too often as something evil or wrong. “The paranormal isn’t about death or evil,” Morgan said. “It’s about wonder.” In line with this approach, he and Wong wanted to avoid writing a conventional villain; instead, the principal conflicts take place between Mulder and Scully or are internal, with both Mulder and Melissa haunted by their pasts, in this life, and perhaps previous lives. 

Morgan and Wong wanted to zero in on two humans, and all their complications as such, brushing up against the unfathomable, neutral force beyond their comprehension... but then ruined that message, that build-up, by justifying the personal, human aspect-- their connection-- by making it inhuman, unnatural, and supernatural, too. All the while, of course, telling us (and believing themselves) that fans were upset because they introduced another romance for Mulder.

(As a side note: why do I excuse-- for lack of a better word-- David Duchovny's similar sentiments towards TFWID and its reception? Firstly, he, and others, genuinely loves it; and I'm happy for him. To David, it seems, love is more powerful when it is guaranteed for a lifetime and beyond-- the insecurity of someone falling out of love, platonically or romantically, is more powerful than a finite and fickle love that can be lost or tarnished. That being his interpretation-- and Morgan's intention-- I can see why he'd love TFWID. It's a powerful sentiment. More importantly, the man doesn't hold it against fans-- he thinks they misinterpreted its intent-- like Morgan thought they did-- understands why it would disgruntle, but maintains that he loves it, regardless. I can respect that position, even if we disagree; because the heart likes what it likes. I, for one, have my own likes that others might hate.)

LAZILY WRITTEN

The greatest mistake of all-- one Morgan humbly recognizes-- is the faults in the writing. Well... more accurately, that he and Wong failed to keep a complete vision that would (most definitely, guys) translate better to audiences. His ideas, I concede, were intriguing; but like all mediums, the final product is what audiences are left to judge and believe in. For TFWID, it was mixed up before the scenes were filmed, and hacked apart after the footage was wrapped-- so much so, that Morgan kept realizing the magnitude of his mistakes after the fact:

Under hypnosis, Mulder describes a scene of death and destruction from the Warsaw ghetto; in this past life, he is a Jewish woman, Scully is his father, Samantha is his son, and the Cigarette Smoking Man is a Gestapo officer. 

Next he [Mulder] becomes Sullivan Biddle, already dead in battle, Scully is his sergeant, and Melissa is there, as Sarah. He has no information on the bunkers, all he sees is death. Morgan wrote these scenes to express the overwhelming sense of loss that Mulder has felt his entire life. The scene was shot in extreme close-up, inspired, Morgan said, by his love of Ingmar Bergman’s films. “To spend three quarters of an act, six or seven minutes, in close-up, on television, is wonderful,” he said. “On TV, we’re always cutting back and forth. We’re always blowing stuff up. Jim and I participate in that. Act Four of ‘Home’ couldn’t be more different than act three of ‘The Field Where I Died.’ I’m proud of that. ”

(And you might have blown it, Glen.)

Morgan’s enthusiasm for the scene was not matched by a good number of the show’s fans, who felt the scene was overwrought, both in the writing, and in Duchovny’s performance. “I think both Kristen and David did a great job,” Morgan said. “David just can’t win. If he walks around going, ‘Scully, I’m going here. Oh. Extreme possibilities,’ everyone says, ‘...that guy just mumbles his way through.’ If he emotes, people don’t want to see that. People can say his acting was bad. I don’t think that it was, but some felt it was obviously ‘acting.’ It’s in a close-up, it’s a long monologue, so it points to acting. 

(An unnecessarily long scene that, unfortunately, had to be chopped; and was chopped so badly that, consequently, it lost its nuance and made Duchovny look like a fool by proxy.)

Bowman’s director’s cut ran so long that Morgan and Wong were forced to trim twenty minutes out of the episode, including eliminating one of Melissa’s personalities, a crude loudmouth named Jobee, as well information that supported Scully’s viewpoint, and large sections from Melissa’s and Mulder’s hypnosis sessions

 “If we’d focused on Scully’s viewpoint more, we could have thrown up the idea that maybe Mulder’s wrong, maybe this is just wishful thinking,” Morgan added. “I know this sounds really bad, but to me the hypnosis scene is more important than a teaser. I was desperate to cut out time, and in favoring emotional content over plot content, I might have blown it.”

[Morgan]: "... I read a post online asking why Scully was always a man in the past, and I hadn’t thought about that. I wish I had altered that; it was a mistake.”

And it wasn't just TFWID that was littered with inconsistencies in service to Morgan and Wong's vision.

TFWID, "MUSINGS", AND THE BLAME GAME

When Morgan and Wong returned from their other writing projects, they had to decide whether to leave the studio-- angry at its interference-- or take a deal and partly work for The X-Files and Millennium. Obviously they chose the latter, and rejoined after a hiatus of one or two years. In that time, the X-Files had become a hit. But M and W had changes, and plans to execute those changes, in mind: they both thought that the show had strayed from its original vision-- again, the "wonder" of the paranormal and supernatural-- and would be set to (better) rights with their input and direction.

Not all of their work was flawed-- Home and Never Again were tightly written-- and not all of their ideas were self-involved. For example: when joining the show, they and the other writers were told this season's purpose was to drive a wedge between Mulder and Scully, and framed Never Again around that idea:

“My understanding at the beginning of the year was that we were going to drive to a point where Mulder and Scully didn’t trust each other,” Morgan said. His own scenario for plotting out the season was somewhat different from what Carter and the other writers came up with this year, but the fundamental issue was the same: trust. “I would have slowly split Mulder and Scully up over the course of the season, then in the last episode have Scully put Mulder away for his own good, which he would perceive as the ultimate betrayal,” Morgan said. “And then the next season, they would have had an entire year’s healing to go through.”

That's not an entirely unreasonable direction to take, either.

The other writers had other plans. For good or ill, it was Chris's show; and Chris wanted to steer it in a certain direction. Those who joined and added their thoughts cohesively helped construct the mainline arcs that bloomed into Season 4's cancer revelation and Season 5's lack of faith, as well as building up Fight the Future concurrently. M and W, however, felt bruised when their visions were either tweaked or countermanded; and left the experience disgruntled. For good or ill, Chris Carter, Glen Morgan, and James Wong all had good and bad ideas; but only one of them had created the show-- something which the latter two couldn't, at times, accept.

Case and point: I detour to Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man because that episode-- from its conception to its creation to its execution-- explains clearly what led Morgan and Wong astray.

Home was successful, The Field Where I Died much less so. For both episodes, Chris Carter seemed content to let Morgan and Wong do whatever they wanted. However, a shift occurred when fans fell out of sync with M and W's vision (TFWID); and that shift manifested when Glen and James immediately wanted to jump into a CSM backstory, the mytharc domain of CC. Both writers felt the big bad of The X-Files had become gutless; and they wanted to inject some terror into him by killing off Frohike in the end. Per their original vision, the narrative element was excluded and CSM would reclaim his villainy via a Forrest Gump monologue then follow through by gunning down an innocent man. Chris Carter, meanwhile, did not want Frohike killed and did not think that CSM would care to waste time murdering a relative nobody to his life and work. William B. Davis, CSM's actor, was also insistent this version of CSM was not his character; and was so dissatisfied with it that he called up CC himself. Carter tried to appease all sides with a compromise: letting M and W write what they wanted (within limits) and reassuring himself and WBD that this episode wasn't canon:

Davis promptly called Carter to ask if this was the real history of the Cigarette Smoking Man (Carter told him no).

...“The Cigarette Smoking Man’s flashbacks were my idea, because I indeed wanted the episode to be a memoir,” Morgan said. But the idea that Frohike could be the real narrator was a Carter-imposed addition to the script, to make it seem as if the events of the episode were not real. Carter even changed the name of the script, from “Memoirs of a Cigarette Smoking Man” to “Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man.”

[Wong]: ...“The line where Deep Throat says, ‘Maybe I’m not the liar’ was another change imposed on the script so you could make the leap that perhaps this is all. a dream, or the ramblings of Frohike.”

If that weren't potentially explosive enough, Morgan and Wong went behind Chris's back, consulting others on set to create their vision, anyway. When CC turned down Glen's dogged request, twice, to film an alternate ending, Wong took matters into his own, unauthorized hands:

Morgan and Wong felt so strongly about this issue, that they decided to try an end run around Ten Thirteen. They figured that if they filmed the scene their way, and cut it into the episode, it would be so powerful that Carter would have to agree with them. Morgan called Wong up in Vancouver and told him to take a few crew members while everyone else was at lunch, and get some shots of blood spattering on the sign to the Lone Gunman offices. Wong decided against the stealth approach; instead, he filmed William B. Davis pulling back on the trigger, and Tom Braidwood, as Frohike, getting a bullet in the head. Morgan nearly panicked when he heard what his partner had done; he was certain word of it would reach Ten Thirteen down in Los Angeles. His fears were justified.

Carter, meanwhile, allegedly proved how cleverly his fingers always remained on the pulse of the show:

Wong recalled: “I was in the editing room, and I said to the editor, why don’t we print up the B negative? We’ll cut it in and show Chris. [The “B” negative was the negative with the footage of the Cigarette Smoking Man pulling the trigger and Frohike getting shot.] And the editor told me, ‘You can’t do that.’ I said, ‘What do you mean, we can’t do that? Just print the B negative.’ He said, ‘Well, it’s been taken out of the lab. It can’t be found.” In a move worthy of a scene from an X-Files episode, someone had deliberately removed the negative without telling Morgan and Wong, and they had no idea where it was. 

(And how do we know this was CC's doing? Because every single actor, writer, and director interviewed always marveled at his inhuman ability to be aware of every single, teeny tiny detail on set.)

Apparently, the incident blew over wordlessly, so much so that Chris asked Glen and James to help flesh out Millennium and called them up, years later, to craft the Revival with him (and sat nearby while Morgan teasingly alluded to the above incident, just a few years ago.)

To tie it all back to The Field Where I Died: the work they created-- while beautifully written-- was sloppily fitted into the show they were hired to write for:

And then there were the timeline inconsistencies, which Morgan and Wong didn’t even know about until the episode aired and Morgan logged on and was bombarded with dozens of internet posts complaining that the events of “Musings” couldn’t be for real, because they contradicted the teaser to “Apocrypha.” In the “Apocrypha” teaser, which is set in 1953, a young Cigarette Smoking Man (already smoking), a young Bill Mulder, and a third man, all in civilian dress, question a horribly burned submarine crewman who had encountered an alien in a flashback shown in the previous episode, “Piper Maru.” Morgan’s version proposed an entirely different history, with the young Cigarette Smoking Man and Bill Mulder, both Army officers, first meeting in 1961 at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. The Cigarette Smoking Man doesn’t even smoke, until he takes his first nervous puff late in the first act. Although Morgan and Wong had seen “Apocrypha,” they didn’t remember the events of the teaser. “Okay, we’re sloppy,” Morgan admitted.

To top off the battle of egos, Glen and James laid a portion of the blame at the nameless feet of some faceless "other" rather than taking it upon themselves... or having the guts to point the finger at one person in particular:

“But somebody should have told us. They all read the script. It was the same thing that happened to us on ‘Little Green Men when we showed Samantha’s abduction.'” Added Wong: “If somebody had said, ‘Hey, you know, in the third season, this was said and this doesn’t make sense anymore.’ And we would have changed it. But nobody told us that And the internet people go, ‘This doesn’t make sense,’ and now we look like idiots. We have part of the blame obviously; we didn’t know. We didn’t catch it.”

(It's easy to feel for them and their position... until you realize that there is no evidence-- that I have found-- of them asking if there was a show bible or other resource to consult. Meaning, again, that M and W have to take some blame for this grievance, as well.)

And last but not least, they-- particularly Glen Morgan-- martyred their pain instead of fully accepting and owning their own part in this ever-evolving disaster:

But their disappointment over the changes they were forced to make “Musings of Cigarette Smoking Man” caused them to withhold the ghost story and look for something else. “I had done a lot of research and I had always wanted to write a feature about Lincoln’s ghost,” Morgan said, “But I felt they didn’t want my heart and soul anymore, so I wouldn’t give this one to them."

CONCESSIONS

While these two scalawags contributed their fair share to frustrating and complicated behind-the-scenes shenanigans, their instincts weren't completely wrong, nor all their conduct unrighteous.

They were right on the money with Home--

“Thematically, Sheriff Taylor was doing the same thing that the brothers were doing. They didn’t want things to change,” Morgan said. Scully conducts an examination on the baby, and when the DNA tests come back, she is shocked to find results impossible to believe; they indicate the child had three fathers.

“It was much more controversial than we thought it would be,” Wong said. “Some fans were repulsed beyond analyzing the show; they were just kind of sickened by it. They were pretty turned off. Some people loved it. There was a lot of really, really negative reaction.”

“I have really been stung by that whole reaction,” Morgan admitted. “To me, the show must have become so big while we were away. I think a lot of people hadn’t been exposed to what we did when we were first on the show. They were going, '...what are they doing?’ and we go, ‘But, this is what we always did!’ We had “Squeeze,” or episodes like Chris’ ‘Irresistible,’ these shocking, horrible shows. Act four of ‘Tooms’ I think is on a level with ‘Home,’ so we were going, ‘What is all the ruckus about?’ We figured a lot of people don’t know that earlier stuff, or certain tones that we were going after then.”

-- and Never Again--

“He’s been caught off guard by not knowing something about her,” Morgan said. “A date with someone in Philadelphia, someone he’s never heard of, someone she’s never told him about. He’s unnerved by his lack of certainty about her, with her being wrong about Ed.” The episode ends with Scully telling Mulder firmly, “It’s my life,” and Mulder saying, “But it’s…” and suddenly stopping. Why didn’t he finish his sentence? “It was our way of saying to the other writers, ‘Here’s where Mulder and Scully are, and now the ball is in your court,'” explained Morgan. “That’s what I always felt was our role. In the first couple of years when we were on the show, we might hand it off and then have to pick up the ball ourselves a couple of episodes later, but knowing we were about to leave and would have no input whatsoever, we just said, ‘Well, here’s this thing, how about this? Now it’s yours.’ I feel that Mulder had come to respect that there’s more to this than just him, that Scully is now a part of his life and he’s a part of hers. I think that she learned the danger of exploring the rebellious side, and that it has to be accompanied by responsibility. What she did almost got her killed. So I think that she probably has it a little in check, and yet she’s always carrying the memory of it on her back. It isn’t anything for her to let go of. But next time she’ll be smarter about it, and she won’t let it get so far away from her.”

--and were misunderstood both times.

They were also wrongfully done by here or there--

Morgan had the unhappy task of telling an understandably upset Anderson that the scene she specifically requested had been cut. 

Morgan and Wong were frustrated once more when the network decided to move “Never Again” out of its post-Super Bowl slot, and substitute “Leonard Betts,” the episode that was originally scheduled to air after “Never Again.” “Leonard Betts” ended with the wrenching realization by Scully that she might have contracted the cancer that afflicted the other female abduction victims she met in second season’s “Nisei.” This revelation impacted the rationale behind Scully’s behavior in “Never Again” in ways never intended by Morgan and Wong. “I felt horrible,” Morgan stated. “Those are not her motives for her actions in this episode. The motives in ‘Never Again’ are completely altered by posing that she has a disease or a death sentence...."

-- but did wrong themselves, despite unprecedented creative freedom (see the previous section.)

The trouble, it seems, is an inability to differentiate the criticisms they receive. The pearl-clutching, deaf-and-dumb moralizers over Home are not the same crowd scratching (nay, banging) their heads over the blatant and illogical inconsistencies in The Field Where I Died and Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man. (In fact, the last episode mentioned aged nicely, if the IMDb numbers haven't lied.) And that trouble compounds when they can't understand why a behemoth ship, constantly taking on mounting expectations and schedules, might halt for pit stops but won't change course for inconsistent passengers.

Lastly, while I can sympathize with the emotions both Glen Morgan and James Wong felt for having their work constantly tampered with, that sympathy dwindles when contemplating a few factors:

They were working for someone else's show, not their own.

They were given unlimited creative freedom upon their return, and were only reigned in after their projects continued to falter.

They were butting heads against two factors that the show runner himself wanted to keep ambiguous or under hat: CSM's backstory and Mulder and Scully's lives outside of work.

Having one's spirit crushed by back-to-back disappointments can't solely fall on the shoulders of the network or show runners when the first two ventures weren't touched, tampered, or changed (except for a run time you knew you had going in); and they can't fall solely on fans when the end results provided were lackluster in quality.

And an important last note: I do not feel that Glen Morgan or James Wong acted maliciously-- carelessly, mostly; overly self-involved here or there, most probably. Their focus remained on fleshing out the characters, exploring the ramifications of their actions, and digging up and handing over imperative context for canon-- attempting to iron out Mulder and Scully's split-up, William's adoption, and Charlie's estrangement in the Revival, for example. But they're not saints; and they still have an edge against criticism and interference that clings to and eats away at the quality of their work. In short, we are only glimpsing one aspect of Morgan's and Wong's lives during an intensely frustrating moment in their lives-- but it was important enough to The Field Where I Died's lore that I felt it was crucial to share.

CONCLUSION

For me, I'm glad Morgan and Wong messed up so badly that Gestapo CSM was still alive when canon CSM was born. To me, I think Morgan was way too eager (kindly, I shall reframe from saying 'self-involved') and way too disinclined to ask for necessary criticism for his projects. To me, I'm certain Morgan and Wong cared more about their concepts than the canon they were writing for-- making Mulder and Scully platonic (but could become romantic?) soulmates without providing essential explanation or further clarity. To me, I think focusing only on what Mulder gets out of this arrangement-- instead of exploring how this would affect Scully, as well-- was a cheap maneuver to vehicle in Morgan and his wife's love story (the same impulse that drove Morgan to write Melissa Scully as a romantic option for Mulder, that inspired the death of Frohike, and that butchered Maggie Scully's deathbed in Home Again: the impulse of wanting things his way.) For me, I'm glad this episode was too long, was chopped up very badly, and was ultimately exposed as a vanity project by fans' negative reactions. And, to me, I believe that negative reaction was largely brushed aside-- ignorantly, though not maliciously-- by Morgan because "fans just wanted Mulder and Scully together."

And, lastly: to me, Glen Morgan and James Wong-- while wrong to some extent-- at least take (partial) fault for their vision going awry. We're all human, we all make mistakes; we all learn and grow.

The rest I leave to you to draw your own conclusions.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[desertfangs]

DesertFang's (rainandcoffee's) Fic Masterlist 💖

For easy reference. Oldest to Newest.

Armand/Daniel

The Vampire Bar - M, 2.5k [Humor, Angst] Daniel, with his book newly published and still on the run from Armand, finds a "vampire" bar full of mortals.

The Mundanity of Mortality - M, 2.8k [Humor, Angst, Slice of Life] Daniel wakes up one night and realizes he has to take care of some boring human stuff, like laundry.

The Madness of Mortality - M, 3k [Angst, Hurt/Comfort] Daniel finds some gray hair, runs away, and loses it a little as he tries to decide where he belongs.

Pumpkin Carving - T, 1.5k [Boyfriend Era, Exploring the World] Armand learns about this Halloween tradition with Daniel's help.

Just Another Party - E, 1k [Public Sex] My first foray into writing smut

The Dancer - M, 3k [Angst, Grief, Comfort] Daniel learns that young dancer he and Armand sponsored in the late 70s has died.

Rings - M, 1.8k [Chase Years, Angst] Armand is surprised when Daniel is more observant than expected.

A Series of Decembers - M, 2.7k [Christmas, Angst] Daniel experiences Christmas through the years.

Turning Circles - M, 8k [Reunion, Angst, Fluff] My first attempt to write their reunion missing from Prince Lestat.

The Christmas Village - M, 3.2k [Christmas, Angst, Fluff] Daniel decides to build a Christmas village, but his obsessive nature causes Armand to worry he's falling into a dangerous old pattern.

So This Is the New Year - M, 8.9k [Humor, Fluff, Mild Angst] Armand is throwing a New Years party at court at Lestat's request, and Daniel is trying to avoid being there for too long.

Turn Me to Dust - M, 2.2k [Hurt/Some Comfort, Angst] Hurt and angry that Armand won't make him a vampire, Daniel threatens to go out and find another vampire who will.

Every Time I Look at You - T, 1.3k [Angst w/ a Happy Ending] Seeing Armand for the first time in years, Daniel doesn't know how to talk to him.

In the Midst of Madness - M, 8.3k [Angst, Hurt, Missing Scene] Armand begins to wonder where Daniel is and doesn't like the answer.

In the Mouth of Madness - M, 2k [Angst, Alternate POV] Daniel's POV of Armand's phone call from In the Midst of Madness

Changes - E, 3.8k [Angst, Humor, Fluff, Smut] Daniel isn't sure why Armand is hellbent on running them ragged but he's determined to figure it out before it blows up in his face.

Shadows and Stars - M, 6.5k [Humor, Fluff, Angsty Conversations] Daniel tries to surprise Armand for Valentine's Day. Post-Canon.

Collapse Into Me - E, 2.6k [Smut, Humor, Fluff] While Daniel and Armand fool around, Daniel discovers that Armand is ticklish and uses that to his advantage (somewhat).

Dead Drunk - E, 5.2k [Vampire Drunk, Smut, Humor] Armand and Daniel drink from intoxicated people and get vampire drunk together

Lace - E, 4.4k [Public Sex, Lace Panties, Humiliation] Armand gets Daniel a pair of lace panties for his birthday

In the Blood - M, 4.8k [Angst with a Happy Ending, Humor] A few months post-Queen of the Damned, Armand finds Daniel alone, avoiding everyone inside the Villa.

Wicked Designs - E, 4.9k [Smut, Light Bondage, Handcuffs] Armand buys novelty handcuffs.

Hey Pretty - E, 6.3k [Reunion, Voyeurism, Sentimental Smut] Daniel and Armand try to find their footing again in NYC (post-PL)

Carnal Pleasures - E, 2.7k [Smut, Chase Years] During the early years of the chase, Daniel finds himself in a motel, alone and wishing Armand would appear.

Five Times Daniel and Armand Almost Kiss During the Chase Years and One Time They Did - E, 5.9k [Chase Years, Humor, Angst, Pining] What it says on the tin.

Goddamn Aliens Part 1 and Part 2 - Mature, 2.5k each [Missing Scenes, Angst, Humor] Two scenes of Daniel reacting to the aliens and plot points in PLROA.

Forbidden Desires - E, 3.8k [Humor, Mild Angst, Smut, NI Era] Armand gets a new coffin and Daniel is determined to see it

Broken Orchid - E, 3.7k [Fighting Then Making Up, Angst, Trauma] Daniel and Armand are at Trinity Gate when they discover one of Louis' precious orchid flowers has died, and Armand blames Daniel.

Make the Season Bright - E, 6.1k [Christmas, Chase Years] Daniel finds himself in a shopping mall on Christmas Eve with his vampire stalker.

All Dust and Stone - M, 6.9k [New Year's Eve 1989, Angst] Daniel is not about to ring in the new year without trying to fix things between them, no matter how frustrating that may prove to be.

St. Patrick's Cathedral - M, 3.3k [Grief, Daniel's Madness] When Daniel learns that Armand has gone into the sun, his grief threatens to destroy him.

Haunted House - T, 2.3k [Daniel's Madness, Angst, Comfort] Armand and Daniel venture back to the house Daniel shared with Marius in Norway, and Daniel has to face is demons.

Grave Decisions - M, 3k [Grief, Angst, Comfort] Daniel is off by himself dealing with a personal matter when Armand finds him to make sure he's okay (and doesn't do anything stupid).

Dangerous Obsessions - E, 3k [Smut, Angst, Chase Years] Armand and Daniel discuss the meaning of Valentine's Day... and love. And get a little handsy, leaving Daniel extra confused.

The Amethyst Ring - M, 11k [Humor, Fluff, Angst, Reunion] Four interconnected stories about a ring.

Swipe Right - E, 18k [Human AU, Dating App, Smut] In this modern, human AU Daniel is a radio intern with a podcast who installs a Dating App to find love. Some Louis/Daniel as well.

Drifting Across the Moon - M, 3.8k [St. Patrick's Day, Angst, Fluff] A St. Patrick's Day Story: Daniel returns to Chicago, the last place he was alive as a mortal, trying to figure some things out.

Shake and Sway - E, 3.6k [New Vampire Daniel, Humor, Smut] Having finally arrived at Night Island after a long road trip, Daniel just wants some time alone with Armand.

Inebriated - M, 1k [Angst, Alcoholism] Daniel is drunk and pleading for the blood. Again.

The Chameleon - T, 1k [Chase Years, Humor, Armand in Glasses] Daniel is thrown a small surprise launch party for his book, Interview with the Vampire, and a special guest crashes.

Telephone Line - E, 2.6k [Vampire Phone Sex, PL Era] Daniel gets Armand to talk dirty about his latest kill over the phone.

An Evolution of Intimacy - E, 4k [Smut, Humor, Angst] A series of vignettes about Armand and Daniel being intimate in all the eras of their relationship.

Caught in the Crush - E, 2.9k [Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Smut] Armand, feeling a little dismissed and uncertain at Court, finds comfort in his only fledgling, Daniel.

Is it possible you never knew? - M, 5.1k [Angst, Reunion, Daniel's Madness] Armand pays a visit to the little house in Norway where Marius and Daniel are living, and Daniel worries about what his maker will make of him now.

Candy Cane - E, 3.4k [Christmas, Smut, Object Insertion] Armand & Daniel find non-traditional uses for a novelty candy cane.

Lestat/Daniel

Night Out - M, 3k [Angst, BroTP w/ Bennies, Humor] Daniel and Lestat meet up in New Orleans, vent some frustrations about Armand and Louis respectively, stalk a serial killer, and then make out a little.

The City Never Sleeps - M, 13k [BroTP, Angst, Humor] Lestat comes to Trinity Gate surprised to find Daniel alone and Daniel takes him on the Molloy Tour of NYC circa 1979

Leave Your Mark (+ Armand) - E, 5.2k [Hickeys, Smut, Threesome] Armand returns home to Trinity Gate and sees the very large mark left on Daniel's neck by Lestat.

One More Kiss, Dear - E, 4.6k [BroTP, Vampire Smut] An interlude between The City Never Sleeps & Leave Your Mark in which Daniel and Lestat return to Trinity Gate together.

Through the Garden Gate - E, 4.4k [Smut, Deep Discussions] Lestat and Daniel talk about Lestat's body swap and how Daniel worries his relationship with Armand is falling apart.

Marius/Daniel

Comfort and Joy - M, 2.9k [Christmas, Fluff, Humor] Daniel convinces Marius to decorate for Christmas.

Goddamn Aliens Part 3 - M, 2.5k [Missing Scene, Angst, Humor] Daniel tells Marius that he and Armand are leaving Court after things settle

Peripheral Ghosts - M, 1.7k [Angst, Daniel's Madness] Daniel thinks he sees Armand in a club and he and Marius discuss it

The Prime Minister's Assistant - E, 4.2k [Clothed Sex, Smut with the Boss] Marius wearing a sexy suit distracts Daniel

Red Wine - M, 2.7k [Angst, Fluff, Comfort, Daniel's Madness] Daniel ducks into a wine bar and stares at a glass of wine instead of hunting. Marius finds him.

Soul of an Artist - T, 1k [Fluff, Humor] Marius paints flowers on the walls of an abandon house and he and Daniel discuss art.

Five Times Daniel and Marius Almost Kiss and One Time They Did - M, 6.2k [Angst, Fluff, Daniel's Madness, Yearning, Kissing] Exactly what it says on the tin.

Another Halloween - 1.3k, M [Angst, Brooding] On a Halloween after he's recovered from his madness, Daniel is ruminating on the anniversary of his turning

Teetering on the Brink - M, 3.7k [Daniel's Madness, Hurt/Comfort] When Daniel has a mild relapse of his condition, it puts him in a danger and Marius has to come to the rescue.

Passion Play - E, 2k [Angst, Jealousy, Sexual Healing] Marius gets preoccupied by his thoughts and Daniel does his damnedest to pull him out of it.

Marius/Armand/Daniel

Into the Woods - M, 3.5k [Plot Driven, Relationships] A mysterious presence has been noticed in the woods around the Chateau. Marius, Armand, & Daniel try to find it.

Look Right Through - M, 20k [Plot Driven, Mystery, Relationships] When Daniel finds a corpse in the house, he isn't sure if it's a prank, a threat... or worse, his own madness rearing its ugly head once more.

Mortal Desires - E, 4.8k [Hormone Use, Smut] They use Fareed's hormones to allow the three of them to have a night of mortal intimacy together.

Armand/Lestat

Subtle Salvation - M, 3.4k [Night Island Era, Angst, Fluff] Lestat is ruminating on his concert and the fall out from it when Armand attempts to pull him out of his malaise.

O Tannenbaum - M, 6.5k [Mild Smut, Court Era, Holiday Fluff] Lestat bets Armand that he can decorate a Christmas tree better than he can 

Stitches - E, 3k [Angst, Humor, Smut] Lestat comes across Armand alone in the Villa, and decides to see what he's up to. He teases him a bit then one thing leads to another…

Sentinel - T, 428 words [Angst] Armand stands in Lestat's dilapidated little house during a storm.

Louis/Lestat

Delicate Desires - E, 3.2k [Rue Royale Era, Angst, Vampire Smut] Lestat is moody on his birthday.

Armand/Louis

A Ghost In Our House - M, 3k [Hurt/Mild Comfort, Angst] Louis is living like a ghost in their shared home. Armand wants to bring back his passion and joie de vivre, but doesn't know how.

General/Other

San Francisco, 1985 - M, 4k [Missing Scene, Angst, Conversations] Before they head to Miami, Armand, Daniel, and Louis visit the little place on Divisadero where it all began

Little Motel - E, 1.6k [Masturbation, Fantasy] Daniel, alone in a motel room, fantasizes about Lestat and then Armand

Necessity - T, 948 - Marius/Pandora [Angst, Humor] Pandora watches Marius get frustrated and leave a council meeting, and follows him out to talk.

The Recruiter - T, 999 - [Angst, Humor, Outsider POV] Thomas, a Talamasca agent, is sent to observe and talk to Daniel Molloy to assess if he might be a good fit for the organization.

Collections

Vamptember Prompts 2022 - Armand/Daniel, Louis/Lestat 13 Short Fics filling prompts

Bites & Bruises - Armand/Daniel, Armand/Lestat, Marius/Daniel, etc. Short fics, drabbles, vignettes that I didn't know where else to post

Shorts/Misc/Tumblr Only

Reassurances - Armand/Daniel Hurt/Comfort Fic

Marius and Daniel Experiment With Novelty Handcuffs

Record and Play - Armand/Daniel Short Fic

*Just a note that I did leave off a few super old fics that don't really reflect how I see the characters anymore. But otherwise this is a pretty complete list.

[graveyardgremlins]

WIP ALERT WIP ALERT

What makes death so special that everyone seems so scared to talk about it? It is not as if, in this universe, it’s the end of the line. Not really. If anything, it felt more like the beginning of something.

Now, routine feels like the end of it all. Even when you’re a vigilante and everyday is a surprise, it still feels like slowly withering away. Like, if you stop moving you’re going to start rotting on the spot. But for some reason, people love routine and hate death.

Dick, for example, constantly looks terrified. It’s not obvious, as no feeling in our faces is ever obvious, but I can tell it’s there. He once said, mournfully, that we would bury Bruce like he is now, with jet black hair. The thought upset him, but I still don’t understand why. It’s not as if Bruce cares. Sometimes it feels like he is trying to speed up the process.

And sure, it would suck not to be able to see someone you care about ever again. But if Dick truly is so scared of missing Bruce, he can go knocking on Constantine’s door — or Zatanna’s, or Madame Xanadu’s, or Doctor Fate’s, or Jason Blood’s, or… you get my point — and ask for a seance. Besides, it’s not as if you can say the guy wasted his life. No one on this Earth has more accomplishments under his belt than Batman himself.

So why the long face?

Like, sure I get why they look weird every time I bring up my past death. I was a kid and all that. But they seriously need to stop looking at me like I’m planning to kill myself everytime I bring up my future death. I’m not planning to die any time soon, but what if I do? Are they going to lose their shit again?

I mean, Tim literally cloned his best friend as a manner to bring him back from the dead because he couldn’t cope with him being gone. Not to say I’m terribly worried about the Imposter missing me so much as to clone me, but still. What if I die? Are they going to try to bring me back? Because I don’t think I want that.

Death was easy, you know? It was awful up until the point where it wasn’t. I don’t remember much, but I remember being warm and embraced. And then someone dragged me back screaming and kicking. Then I woke up boiling alive, with the skin falling off my bones in the middle of the Assassin’s League Headquarters.

I’m not particularly excited about being boiled alive again.

No one in this family knows how to let go and Bruce is the worst one. I used to be so mad that his grief wasn’t enough to make him kill the Joker. I wanted him to prove that he loved me like he said he did. But I was a recently deceased and resurrected teenager. I firmly believe that the only reason Jesus reacted better to being murdered is because he was already thirty three. Now, as an adult, I’m less mad.

Bruce deals with grief like this: he doesn’t. He lets it eat him away. I think he likes it, the feeling of rotting from the inside out. Maybe that’s why he likes routine too. I think he has a lot of love inside of him that, instead of showing it, he reschedules it. Like he thinks “tomorrow I’ll show it” and then never does. And when I died, maybe he didn’t have anywhere to put that love anymore. There wouldn’t be any more “tomorrows.” So he just rotted.

It’s why I try not to be jealous about how endlessly patient and affectionate he is with Damian. Or how careful he is with Tim. Or how much interest he takes in everything Duke does. Or how he always listens when Steph talks. Or how he always comes when Cass calls him. At least, I served to teach him a lesson. 

So, yeah, when I got an invitation to a Ghost Ball, I didn’t tell anyone. Because they don’t understand why I linger in the cemetery. They don’t understand why I kill, when they believe I should be the first one to be against death. They don’t understand why I keep talking about dying over and over and over. They just don’t get it.

Also, they would totally ruin this moment for me. I’m sure of it.

How many times do you get invited to a ball? Not those shitass galas the Waynes always go to. A real authentic 1800’s ball. With the lettering cursive invitation, sprayed with some kind of perfume, sealed with a gold wax coat of arms. Not only that! To what was an official celebration to the Ghost King’s 21th birthday.

I didn’t even know there was a Ghost King!

Sure, it’s probably a trap. This kind of thing is always a trap. But they had addressed the invitation to “The Red Knight of Gotham, Avenger of the Damned, Cursebreaker, Three Times Born, Wielder of the All-Blades, the Darkest Star” and, if I am to be honest, flattery will get you everywhere with me.

I’m not entirely sure what the “Darkest Star” was in reference to, but it’s the least of my concern. The theme of the ball was Black, White and Neon Green, which completely fucks up my aesthetic. The last time I wore green I was a Robin and I’m particularly inclined to never wear it again. I’m also not wearing a tuxedo. Maybe a black suit over the armor instead of the usual jacket and a neon green handkerchief.

Now the problem is getting fitted for a suit like that. Every rich motherfucker knows that just sending your measurements to a tailor that never met you in person before is the recipe for a disaster. And sure as hell there is not a single tailor in the Crime Alley. Not that I know of. And there is no way in hell, or heaven or wherever the flying fuck the Infinity Realms were, I’m showing up to a real ball looking anything short of dreamy.

So, I did the reasonable thing and texted Alfred.

If you could come by the Manor, Master Jason, I will see what can be done. He texted back.

There is a theory going around the midst of superheroes that says that the one thing all of the bats have in common is how stubborn we are. It’s true, but I don’t think we learned that from Bruce. I’m pretty sure that’s just the Pennyworth in all of us. That man clearly only still works as a butler at 65 and calls us all “master”, “miss”, “mister” and “ma’am” out of pure stubbornness. I have no evidence of this, but I’m working on the theory that someone at some point betted that he would crack eventually, which is why he hasn’t. That I know of.

So, I showed up at the Manor like he asked me to.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tim asked.

“I live here,” I answered.

“No, you don’t.”

“Unless someone touched my room, which I doubt, then yes, I do.”

“When was the last time you were here?”

“Last week. I dropped by to move all your furniture 1 inch to the left counterclockwise.”

“I knew it! I knew someone was touching my stuff! Steph said I was crazy!”

“You are, but I touched your stuff. Like all of it. Including your Monster collection. You should really clean that, by the way. It’s disgusting.”

“Fuck you.”

Someone cleaned their throat and we both turned around to see Alfred standing in the hallway, looking less than impressed. I’m pretty sure we learned that from him too.

“Sorry, Alfred,” Tim said.

Alfred sighed and then turned his frown towards me.

“What? I didn’t curse.”

He raised one pointed eyebrow and that’s all it took.

“Sorry for touching your stuff, Timberlake,” I said and turned to Alfred again. “Happy?”

“I suppose that will suffice.”

“Yeah, fine,” Tim agreed and moved out of the way to let me in. “Just never do it again.”

“Oh, I’m definitely doing it again.”

“Why?!”

“Dick told me to stop whining and start getting on that, and I quote, ‘big brother grind’, so you and the Demon brat are going to have to endure it.”

“Why not Duke?”

“He is obviously my favorite.”

Tim just groaned and followed us to one of the upstairs closet.

“What are we doing anyway?”

“We are doing nothing. You weren’t invited.”

“Master Jason is getting fitted for a new suit,” Alfred said, ignoring me.

“Why?” Tim asked.

“What are you? A Toddler? Why do you think?”

“Well, you sure as hell aren’t going to the galas—”

“Damn right, I won’t.”

“And you’re definitely not going on a date—”

“Wait, why?”

“Because.”

I turned around to fully face him. “What do you mean ‘because’?”

“Just because,” Tim made a vague gesture with his hand. “You know.”

“No. As a matter of fact, I don’t know.”

“You know,” He gestured again. “Because.”

“Because what?”

“You’re chronically single.”

“What?!”

Tim threw himself on one of the sofas that was turned towards the closet and sank into it. “Chronically single. Chronically, meaning in a persistent and recurring—”

“I know what chronically single means!”

“Then you know.”

“I’m not chronically single!”

“How long ago was your last relationship and how long did it last?”

“That does not mean I’m chronically single! I get bitches all the time!”

“Perhaps, Master Jason, refraining from referring to your partners in a demeaning manner might be the first step to improving your romantic aptitudes.”

“I don’t– I’m not– Ugh!”

“Try this suit on. I think it will be the closest to your current measurements.”

I took the suit from his hand and closed the closet door behind me.

“So,” Tim said, “If you’re not going to a gala, you’re not going to a date, then where are you going?”

“None of your business.”

“It’s not a birthday, because I’m pretty sure none of your friends is an Aquarius–”

He kept talking and I tuned him out. The pants were a bit too tight around the knees, so they would have to fix that, and the jacket sleeves were a little too short. Besides that, I liked the red lining inside, as well as the flower pattern that almost disappeared into the black. It wasn’t very on the theme, and I would risk looking a bit christmassy, but it would be worth it. I did need a neon green handkerchief, though.

“It can’t be Two-Face, because he is still in Arkham and also not your usual target. Black Mask has been quiet, so maybe him,” Tim was, somehow, still talking.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, opening the closet door to let Alfred take a look.

“People you might be planning to make a move against in a place where a suit might be necessary.”

“Maybe I just want a suit, ever thought of that?”

“You’re fitting it over armor,” Tim pointed out.

“Touché.”

“Tt, it’s too tight around your knees,” Alfred commented.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Oh, Alfred? Do you by any chance have a neon green handkerchief?”

Alfred made a face. “I do not own any monstrosity of that sort, Master Jason. Why do you ask?”

“Because the theme is Black, White and Neon Green.”

“Wait, you’re actually crashing a party?”

Alfred sighed and made another disgusted face. “In that case… This suit won’t do.”

“Sorry, Alfred. I didn’t write the dress code.”

“Of course not, Master Jason. I would expect that you would have a better sense for fashion than that.”

“And for your information, I’m not crashing a party. I was invited. Not that you know what that’s like, Stalker.”

“Who would invite you to anything?!”

“Not telling.”

“C’mon!”

“Perhaps the Zegna will look less… clown-like with a neon green handkerchief than the Armani,” Alfred said, mostly to himself.

“Did I hear, Armani?” Selina’s honey-dripping voice came from the corridor, and she poked her head inside the room. “What are you boys doing hiding here?”

“I’m getting fitted for a suit.”

“He is going to a party and I’m trying to figure out which one,” Tim answered at the same time as me.

“Oh! That sounds fun! Do you need help, Alfred?” She asked and slid into the sofa next to Tim.

“I’m afraid I am at a loss, Miss Kyle. The theme of the evening is Black, White and, ugh, Neon Green.”

She made a face very much like Alfred’s own. “Where are you going, Kit Kat? The Riddler’s birthday isn’t until July.”

“Not telling you, either.”

She pouted and pulled Tim’s face near her own, he understood what she was doing a minute later and pouted too. “Please?” They said, like children.

“Nope. Not happening.”

Selina shrugged it off, not particularly bothered, but Tim seemed to still be fixated on the issue. 

“Have you tried that Slim-fit Hugo Boss brown suit, Alfred? I think it will make him look distinguished amongst the neon green aberration,” she said.

“Is it a winter party of some kind?” Tim asked.

“Not giving you any tips, Timmy.”

“Actually, Master Jason, that could help us find a better suit.”

I sighed. “I don’t think it is specifically a winter party. I think it's just a coincidence.”

“So it is a celebration of some kind!”

“I’m. Not. Telling. You.”

“No need. I will find out eventually.”

Alfred brought out the Hugo Boss brown suit and held it up for Selina to see. 

“I think it will clash, Miss Kyle,” he said.

“I think you’re right, Alfred,” She tapped one manicured finger to her lips. “This party is not of someone we know. Is it, Kit Kat?”

I shrugged.

“Why do you say that, Selina?” Tim asked.

“Motherly instincts.”

The door behind them opened again, this time to reveal a mildly disgruntled looking Bruce. His hair was a mess and he was wearing a sweater and sweatpants. He was definitely sick.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Are you sick, old man?”

He sniffed. “Seasonal allergies.”

“Jason is getting fitted for a suit,” Selina answered.

“Oh?”

“And I’m trying to find out why.”

“Oh.”

“You guys are nosy,” I said.

Alfred brought out another slim-fit suit and both Selina and Bruce made a face. “Yes, I imagined so,” Alfred said, disappointed.

“What kind of party is it, chum?”

“Not telling.”

“The theme is Black, White and Neon Green,” Selina said, and both her, Alfred and Bruce grimaced.

“Jason, please tell me you’re not going to the Riddler’s birthday party.”

“Of course, he isn’t, silly. The Riddler’s birthday is July 21st.”

“Oh! Should I send a present?”

“It would be very polite,” Alfred said and Selina agreed.

“If this party is of someone we don’t know then it must be someone you met recently or a very long time ago. But if it was from someone you used to know, you probably wouldn’t be using an expensive suit, and if it was someone new we would have heard of it already,” Tim said.

“What makes you think it is someone we don’t know?” Bruce asked.

Selina raised her hand with a cheeky smile. “If we knew them already, little Kit Kat wouldn’t be so worried about imprrrressing them. We would have embarrassed him already.”

“I’m not worried about impressing anyone.”

“You’re getting fitted for a suit,” she pointed out.

“Yes, because I outgrew all my other suits and I can’t wear them with the armor. It’s not as if I’m buying a new one,” I rolled my eyes.

“If you’re wearing your armor are you worried about being attacked?” Bruce asked.

“Is it a mission then?” Tim asked. “Otherwise, why would you be going to a place where you might be attacked?”

“Good point, champ.”

“I’m not answering any of those questions.”

Bruce pondered for a second. “Have you tried the gray Kiton wool suit? It might null a bit of the neon green.”

“Ooh. Good idea, love.”

“Let’s see if you’re correct, Master Bruce.”

“I’m texting Dick to see if he knows anything.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Father, have you seen Alfred Jr?” Damian’s voice rang from the corridor.

“Not really, Dami.”

“He is probably in that warm spot in the library where the sun hits just right,” Selina said and stretched as if she could feel the warmth from here.

“Thank you, miss Kyle,” Damian poked his head inside. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re welcome, Damian.”

“I live here.”

“Do you?” Bruce asked.

“Do you?” Damian asked, fully walking into the room.

You see? This is why I can’t tell them anything about this ball. Or else they will want to come with, they are nosy like that, I’d have to explain to every cute person I meet why I brought my entire family with me when the invitation didn’t even have ‘plus one’ on it.

Jesus, maybe Selina was right.

“Master Jason is getting fitted for a new suit, Master Damian,” Alfred said and held the gray wool suit.

“Yeah, that doesn’t do it either,” Selina said.

“What is wrong with the suit?”

“The theme is Black, White and Neon Green.” Everyone grimaced at that. They really needed to stop repeating the same thing over and over.

“What is the occasion?”

“Kit Kat won’t tell us.”

“Nope.”

“I’ve talked to Dick!” Tim announced. “He has no idea who could be, but his best guest is someone Jason met with the Outlaws! So I’m going to text Cass, so she can text Artemis and see if she was invited to anything.”

Damian sat on the opposite arm of the sofa and pondered.

“How much have you narrowed it down?”

“Someone we don’t know, someone dangerous, possibly on a mission, not a winter party,” Bruce said.

“Birthday?”

“No gift.”

“Maybe it’s someone I don’t know enough to buy a gift to,” I said, just to throw them off.

The three of them narrowed their eyes at me.

“Yup, talked to Artemis. She doesn’t know anything,” Tim said. “Also Dick is calling.”

He put it on speaker so everyone could suffer together.

“Hey, guys!”

“Hey, chum.”

“Hello.”

“Hey, birdie.”

“Sup?”

“Jesus Christ,” I rubbed my temples. I could feel a migraine coming up.

“Jason! The man, the myth, the legend! Will you tell your big bro where exactly you’re going? I promise to keep it a secret.”

“Not even on your deathbed.”

Alfred brought out another suit. It was also gray and it still did not match neon green.

“C’mon, Little Wing! Don’t be like that! It can be that bad for us to know.”

“It’s out of principle.”

“That reminds me,” Tim said. “Dick, go screw yourself.”

Alfred made a face at that, but didn’t comment anything.

“Wait, why? What did I do?”

“Why did you tell Jason to ‘act like a big brother’? He touched all of my stuff!”

“I’m sure he didn’t touch all of it.”

“Oh, I didn’t look under the bed, but besides that? It will be very funny when you start finding the glitter.”

“What?!”

“Ah, is that why Jon found a lot of superboy merch I did not buy in my closet?” Damian asked. “Well, I must say that is not a good prank. I’m not embarrassed to say I’m my best friend’s biggest fan. Though, he did cry.”

“You say that now, because you haven’t found the bees.”

“What bees?”

I simply smiled. This wouldn’t work on most of my siblings, but Damian was small enough to be fooled and once he believed it, the others would follow.

“I swear to God, Jason. If I find glitter on my clothes I’m putting a skunk inside your house,” Tim said.

There was also no glitter, but now he would check everything first. Forever.

“Why would you do that to a poor innocent animal?” I said, to be contrary.

“Yeah, Tim. Leave the animals alone! It’s not their fault Little Wing started a prank war.”

“Yes, Drake. I’m disappointed you’d even think about this.”

Alfred brought out a deep blue suit. Selina sighed and slumped down the sofa and Bruce shook his head.

“Hey, Dick,” I asked. “Do you have any suits that might fit me and that will look good with neon green?”

“Why do you ask? Don’t tell me Poison Ivy is your plus one.”

“Alright, I won’t.”

“Poison Ivy is light green, not neon,” Tim said.

“And Ivy is too old for you,” Bruce said, pointedly. I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t think I’d have anything either way.”

There was a moment of silence while everyone considered, perhaps the color neon green or perhaps Poison Ivy.

“I figured it out!” Damian shouted suddenly. Selina flinched from the noise, and he apologized quickly. “Sorry. But I have figured it out.”

“What?” Everyone asked. I wasn’t particularly worried, it’s very hard for the little brat to have known about a King I wasn’t even aware of. Though, maybe Ra’s did know it before me.

“Regular-fit Dark Grey Virgin Wool Serge from Hugo Boss,” Damian said profoundly.

“What?” Tim asked.

“The suit that will go with neon green.”

Alfred, Selina and Bruce thought it out. “Yes, I believe that might work, Master Damian.”

“Good job, son,” Bruce said, making my insides twist painfully.

Selina simply raised her hand over Tim’s head so Damian could high five her.

“That still doesn’t answer where he is going!”

“Who would do a Neon Green party? Besides the Riddler, his birthday isn’t until July.”

“How do you even– No, actually, I don’t want to know. Thanks for the help, Demon Brat.”

“You’re welcome. Now tell us where you’re going.”

Fair enough. “To a birthday party,”

“Goddammit! It was the first thing I crossed off!”

“Of whom?”

“None of your business, old man.”

“C’mon, tell us Little Wing.”

“What are we trying to find out?” Duke asked, walking into the room. “And why is everyone here?”

“Jason is going to a birthday party and he won’t tell us who's is jt,” Tim said.

“Oh?”

“And I’m getting a suit fitted.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, though. I’ll tell you whose birthday it is later.”

“Hey!”

“Wait, why?”

“Yes, why him?”

“Oh, Duke is my favorite.”

Duke smiled innocently at all the people in the room and did a little twirl.

“That’s not fair!”

“Hey, this is your fault. You told me to be an older sibling.”

“Older siblings don’t pick favorites!”

“Of course they do. Damian is your favorite, I’m Cass’ favorite, Duke is my favorite, and Tim is no one’s favorite.”

“Screw you!”

“Don’t worry. When Bruce adopts another one you can be their favorite.”

“I’m not adopting anyone.”

Everyone in the room raised an eyebrow at that — yet another thing they got from Alfred — and Selina patted his hand. “Whatever you say, love.”

Alfred fitted the suit perfectly, to the point where that one guy on twitter that talks about male clothing would applaud. And he did find a neon green handkerchief, though he would only buy it if I promised to burn it afterwards, which I swiftly agreed to. I considered bringing a present, but something I learned from the filthy rich is that it’s always better to look like an asshole rather than a fool.

And so the suit saga ends and the ball saga begins.

One would think that an interdimensional being called the Ghost King would think of better ways to direct his guests towards his party than a set of coordinates and another number, which I quickly realized to be the hour in military time. Of course, one would be wrong. So me, my bike, my beautiful suit and my weapons directed ourselves to the middle of bumfuck nowhere, literally in the middle of Nevada's desert.

God, I am going to arrive at this party covered in sand.

[michaelswilliam]

ok idk if this is me wishing it or it could count as st5 prediction/speculation but since we got that pic of will, mike, holly biking around and holly is like 90% confirmed to be the missing kid in S5EP2, imagine if storyline goes like this:

EP1 is when the "what painting?" conversation happens between mike and el

i don't think this is when they will break up, but mike discovering that all will said to him was not from el, would be the seed of him questioning the state of his relationship with el

S4 Mike still think that the most important thing in his life is being El's boyfriend, but him realizing that El might not love or need him in the way he thought she would would be the catalyst of him starting to accept that this relationship might not be something worth continuing

I don't think Mike has clocked Will's feelings towards him yet by the time he finds out the painting wasnt commissioned by El

Will comes out to his mother, mike, el, lucas and dustin

it will be heartwarming and sweet, el and joyce will immediately tell him that he's so brave, lucas and dustin will be shocked at first but they will quickly move past it and go in for the hug

mike, however, will stand, alone and frozen on his feet. i think this will definitely causes him to question his own feelings. realizing that homosexuality isnt something thats a taboo. that it is real and his best friend is gay. boys can be.

this is when his own internalized homophobia will surmount, when he will question his own sexuality, and it will scare and confuse him and he will remove himself from the premise. he needs to get away

everyone, especially will of course will take it as mike being homophobic and unaccepting

el might confront him, which can lead to another fight. adding further cracks to their relationship

will might try to talk to him, sad scene. will genuinely thinking it might be the end of their friendship

but mike will pivot the conversation, he will bring up the painting.

mike tells will that he is angry that he'd lied to him.

will apologizes, but mike is still irrationally angry

he accuses will of ruining his relationship w/ el. which got will confused bc didnt he help mike to say i love you to el?

(mike of course wont be able to rationalize this. inside he is angry because he realizes that this relationship shouldve died in the first place, and now he's at the point where he thinks he cannot break up with el. not after the confession.)

"it's not my fault that you don't love her the way you said you do!" will cries out, "i'm sorry for lying to you about the painting, alright? but you can't blame me for whatever is going on between you two."

"but do you?"

"what?"

"do you love me the way you said you did?"

"what do you mean-"

mike steps closer to him, "everything you told me about how el felt towards me, all of it was you, wasn't it?"

and because ST loves interruptions, this is when something or someone cut their conversation, leaving it hanging in the air. this is when everything related to will shifts for mike.

mike will start to clue in will's feelings for him and realizing that the idea of being loved romantically by him actually delights him.

mike will cope with his own sexuality and feelings for will vs relationship with el, he might out some distance against will and el as he does this.

will is heartbroken, he thinks their friendship is forever broken because will has ruined mike and el's relationship with his lie and will knows that mike probably knows his feelings for him and hates him even deeper because of it

this is when vecna comes in and fucks with will's head. starts to isolate him with his surroundings.

EP2: apocalyptic hawkins, everyone is assigned with something. someone from the adults assigned mike and will to do an errand while accompanying holly to go to a friend's house or a park or whatever.

will might try to protest, but holly insists for will to come bc she enjoys his company and mike reluctantly agrees

tense moments shared between byler with holly as the buffer

something happens to holly, she's taken. this will be the event that causes mike and will to stick together throughout the season, confronting each other and their feelings for each other.

YEAH SO IDK I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN IN ST5

[thesun4ndthestar]

•Selfishness•

When Regulus had turned 17, he had gotten the mark. He fought with James for weeks because of it, they never broke up though.

Regulus was 17, about to be 18 when he found himself in that dark cave.

James was 19 when he learned about his lover’s death through a letter.

Hi James, i’m sorry but by the time you’ll read this, i will probably be dead.

I was a coward, during all my life, and you can’t deny it. I was a coward for leaving you, I was a coward for leaving Sirius, I was a coward for letting them take me and give me the dark mark. I am really sorry James, but I knew I could never live with the feeling of loosing you, so I will be the one to die; and I know that makes me selfish as fuck. I’ve always been selfish and I never knew how to not be.

You taught me a lot of things Potter, but everyone, after a long time not practicing, forgets them. And so did I, I forgot how to do what you teached me. I forgot how to love others, I forgot how to love myself, but most importantly I forgot how to breathe. I always felt like suffocating before you came into my life, I never knew how to properly breathe before you taught me, James. But now I am slowly forgetting, and that’s why I’ll die in the deepest waters of the cave. Ironic, isn’t it?

My tears are now ruining this paper, but i hope you’ll be able to understand it, as you always did with me.

By this point you may think that I am killing myself only for the fear of facing your death, but that’s not quite right. I wrote a letter, to the Dark Lord, where I tell him how I ruined his plan, but my love I can’t tell you what I did, I really want to but, it will only make this war worse.

I am sorry my love, I couldn’t give you what you deserved, but please don’t cry. It’s not like i never told you that, with me, you would have never been able to achieve happiness, but you decided to go against my will (and i will never thank you enough for doing it) and you fell for me anyway.

I want to ask you one thing, and I beg you to do it. Please never show this letter to ANYONE, at least until the war is still going. It’s a matter of life or death, and I would prefer for you to live and don’t have a fate like mine.

Goodbye James, I hope to see you in the afterworld, not too soon though, for this time I won’t be selfish and I will wish for you the greatest and longest life. Please don’t die too soon…

Yours and only yours

R.A.B.

Years had passed after Regulus’ death; James was now 20.

He was happy now: he had a wife, all of his best friends and a child.

Although, he still felt like something, or rather someone, was missing.

After the Slytherin’s death James never really loved anyone anymore. Sure, he was married to Lily now, but what people couldn’t know, was that James still wished for Regulus to come back.

That’s why, some months after the Gryffindor’s 21st birthday, on the fateful night of October 31st, James died with a smile and tears streaming down his face. He didn’t keep his promise of having a long life, but he wanted to be selfish too for once and reunite with whom he truly belonged with.

[yandere-fics]

♡ You Kill Theanna But She Returns ♡

(The garden won't let Theanna die and it grows attached to you too.)

♡ Out of everything you predicted might happen to you from killing the crown princess, executions, being hunted for the rest of your life, general public scorn, you had not expected to be mocked by the very person you seduced and poisoned to death the night prior arriving at the ball, the same ball you intended to meet up with the person who had contracted you, and propose to you. You were sure she was dead, you'd seen her corpse, you'd heard the servants shriek and the court mage being called for but here she was only looking slightly worse for wear with what you were sure what a flower growing out of her palm though you shut your mouth about that observation because there was a chance you'd gone crazy and that was just another thing you were imagining, maybe you hadn't killed her. Maybe you'd not poisoned her but had given yourself a hallucinogenic. That seemed way more likely than her being here despite being dead the night prior. If that was the case you would have to try again though. ♡

♡ Regardless you said yes, what else were you supposed to do? You had failed to kill her, whether it was because you'd actually dosed yourself somehow despite being an accomplished assassin or she had come back to life. You would figure out how you were going to try to kill her again later. Some part of your gut told you the flower had something to do with her coming back to life but you couldn't really figure out how that would make any sense. You usually didn't ignore your instincts, that was how you'd killed so many over the years but you had to press your instincts down this time. Even if it had been true it wouldn't have benefitted you in any way. ♡

"You left the room last night before I could speak to you properly darling." You sucked in a breath, so she knew something had occurred last night. She probably knew everything and if that was the case then there was a chance she definitely had come back to life. You were screwed, how were you supposed to kill someone who could come back to life? If she knew though, why would she still propose to you? Revenge? "My queen shouldn't be messing with poisons, perhaps I should keep you in our chambers until you learn better."

"What-" She cut you off kissing you softly.

"Don't worry, you couldn't kill me even if you had tried another method, my queen. Now just smile for the people, they need to see their new queen." She pulled you back into the main ballroom smiling widely as she announced your marriage, while you tried your best not to look horrified.

♡ So she had definitely died that night. You realized that very quickly because despite being forced to be by her side at every moment she never ate nor drank. You weren't sure what had brought her back but something had and so any hopes you had of killing her again through a poisoning method would not work. You'd try stabbing next. You were determined to finish this contract. Not just because it was a lot of money you had been offered but also you did not want to marry her under any circumstances and the days towards your wedding were slowly counting down. There was only so much stalling you could do by asking for ridiculous things like a wedding dress with a train so long twenty people needed to carry it. ♡

♡ The next time you tried to kill her you had a knife to cut your steak and pounced on her the moment everyone else left the room, suddenly being thrown back from… a vine? All she did was remove the knife from your hands and calmly cut your steak. You were never allowed to cut your own food from that point onwards. You snuck another knife away to attempt it again in her sleep but… that stupid vine happened to stop it yet again. Theanna grumbling when she woke up to see your expression, pulling you down to the bed while mumbling something about how you had to start behaving yourself as her queen. ♡

The vine had begun to make more frequent appearances now that you had tried to kill her yet again. Mostly preventing you from walking away from Theanna, holding you in place as she ravished your body, swatting your wrist slightly any time you attempted to even grab a butterknife or pen. Theanna didn't really acknowledge it other than a light chuckle any time to vine wrapped around you. You weren't really sure how much of it she controlled though or if it was a separate entity. It was clearly related to whatever it had that had kept her alive. Killing her would be impossible with the vine around. You decided you'd be better off escaping.

♡ It had taken a lot of convincing to get Theanna to leave you in your bedroom while she went to work in her office. You'd slipped out the window and had taken off running into the forest as quick as you could. You ignored how it felt like there was a force trying it's best to keep you near the castle. Probably the same force that had brought her back to life. It didn't take long for Theanna to catch up to you, yet another vine coming out to grab you, carrying you and setting you bridal style in Theanna's arms who merely grinned. ♡

[clownstillwritesfanfic]

Five and Lila getting stuck in the subway but reader is there with them.

Reader is one of the umbrella academy and has been pining over Five for years. They confessed back in Dallas right after everyone got shot in the barn. It was their last dying words but they died before they could actually get the full thing out. They didn’t remember after Five wound back time and stopped the Handler from shooting everyone, but he did.

They almost confessed a second time when Five gave up on saving the world and told everyone to finish their bucket list but couldn’t work up the courage to actually do it.

After the timeline reset they stayed with Five, took care of the apartment while Five worked.

They know about the Keepers since Five trusted them with his work and because he was itching to talk to someone about it. He never forgot their almost confession but he buried it deep down considering they never said anything about it again or did anything to indicate they still love him, although he cares very deeply for them. That’s why he tells Diego to bury his doubts and feelings. Because that’s what he’s doing and his life was going well for the 5 years they were in the new timeline.

Reader is a little suspicious and jealous of how close Five and Lila seem to be and they kept pissed off when Lila makes Five blink to the subway station while they’re in the Keepers HQ.

The next time she tries to get him to blink back there, they insist on coming along.

They all get stuck in the subway but over the years, Five starts to fall for reader, and vice versa.

Lila notices them falling in love and starts to think about Diego and how they used to be like that at one point and she starts to yearn for her life back. She misses her kids, her family,…Diego. She misses how they used to be. She wants to work harder at their relationship and set new boundaries. She wants it to feel like it used to.

[numberonetacostan]

Thinking about the characters who are still in MeAfterlife (Some of them have canonically seen people they were friends with die too)

Also that 4s can't even attempt the red line game because it would, at best, cause him to take back over the body.

Hi there!!!^^ Welcome, and thank you for your submission!!!!!! X] Strap in because you've given me THOUGHTS.

So we're gonna focus on 4S here because it makes my heart go pitter patter that he never attempts the red line game. He has been inside MeLife for a decade or so, almost completely alone before everyone linked to MeLife got deleted, (since it's not as though Mephone just went around deleting people he made, yeah? We don't know if he ever ended up meeting Box, but I hope they did meet.) and he never tried it. He never regretted giving his life up for Mephone4's. It doesn't get more the brothers of all time than, guys, idk what to tell you.

Onto the THOUGHTS. And by that I mean an entire AU has spawned. Gold star for you, anon!! Okay, please consider Taco and 4S interactions pls. Yeah big surprise my THOUGHTS are about Taco. Anyways, consider her not being revived post-Truth or Flare and meeting 4S inside of MeLife, yeah? One ex-villain who redeemed himself with his last act and one villain who believed she could never be redeemed and played her act until the bitter end. I'm cooking people. So, to clarify real quick, Mepad would absolutely not let this happen if Truth or Flare played out as it did in canon, so there would have to be a little tweaking here, but it's not too tough actually. Taco just doesn't turn him on. She can teleport without him being on, he himself says she didn't need to activate his consciousness to get the files for the challenge, so she just. Doesn't. Even in canon I think she does it in a, erm, moment of weakness in a sense, with her missing Mic's company and deciding to turn him on for someone to talk to. In this version she simply wouldn't let herself do that and shake off the notion of doing such a thing, continuing to stubbornly ignore her feelings. She does Truth or Flare with Mepad's body as her hostage rather than just himself, dies, and isn't revived. Mepad would be powered back on and get the details on what happened from Mephone4, who would conveniently not mention that Taco died. Being more caught up in the challenge/elimination/making sure Mepad is okay/the next elimination, the contestants wouldn't think about her revival until later, in which they could safety assume Mephone has already revived her while they weren't around since they have no precedent for him not reviving people at this point.

And then there's Taco. Dead. Wakes up in MeLife and honestly? Not very happy to be waking up at all. Was hoping for a more final death. Believes herself to be incapable of starting over in more ways than one, was kind of hoping to just be done with everything when she'd died. She'd wander around the void for a while, it's still mostly empty at this point so there's not much to see, run into 4S!!!!! And!!!!!!!! We see him having words of wisdom for Knife in the finale, and he could have some for Taco too!!!!!!!!!!! They would not be delivered as... gently as Mepad delivers his, but still!!! They've both been pretty shit!!!!! Hard!!!!! Especially with Pickle, interestingly enough!! I don't have an exact discussion for them to have yet since I came up with this au like 20 minutes ago when I read this ask but hopefully you guys are picking up what I'm putting down!!! They can talk, or Taco can be talked at, since she's still incredibly sad at this point, about redemption and being better and past mistakes and fhueifhuerifhruei. I need them to interact!!!!!!

So, either 4S could revive Taco on his own- he probably knows about the red line game and could throw her all the way over the line if he really wanted to. She is a rather throwable shape, after all. As well, he could probably approve her revival himself, in the way that Mephone had to press "Yes" to revive all the contestants in the finale. It's his hardware, after all. So he could have a nice talk with her and than throw her out back into the world (like that one vine)!!! Or, in the finale when everyone's been deleted, the two of them can meet up with everyone else. I do like this one because they get more time to bond and talk!!! More development for Taco!!!! And more pain for her because leaving MeLife means leaving 4S behind. So they end up finding everyone at the Wall of Them All and Taco finds out that Mephone created them!! She can not catch a break, my angel <3. "...I'm really gonna do it this time, 4S". Anyways. She probably wouldn't want to come back with everyone, honestly. She hasn't gotten to be rejected by Pickle yet, yeah, but she also didn't connect with Mepad and hasn't made up with Mic either. 4S is her only friend, she really doesn't see any reason for her to go back to life. 4S would though!!!! 4S would be pretty adamant on going back, and even if they haven't made up yet, I think Mic would also encourage her to come back!!! Despite their break up, Mic's yearning was still a 7/10 at this point, and either way she doesn't want Taco dead forever, and has been very worried about her especially since hearing about Truth or Flare. The fact that Taco wants to remain dead is also very concerning!!! So she and 4S end up saying their goodbyes and she plays the red line game <3.

I will stop here since this is no longer about your ask. Sorry!!!!! This is fun to think about though!!!! :D

[grimaldiapologist]

Butting in where nobody invited me, the question of how long the twins have actually been in power fascinates me, because we don't know, but it's both long enough to drive Rome on the brink of collapse, and not long enough to have a single person really on board with the whole situation or what to do with it at all.

The twins have no clue what they're doing and they're absolutely riding a high here. From the way it looks, their military campaign is going reasonably great - their soldiers are bringing them victories, but at the cost of stretching the Empire too thin too fast. They have too many fronts and not enough supply, and internal stability is getting ignored and fucked in the process. They don't seem to have much of a touch on the populace or understand that they need to have a back and forth with their people, currently they're just giving them that rockstar and think it's all that needs doing in terms of PR. It isn't, but I also don't really know what they're supposedly doing wrong. Killing everyone's fathers and sons and brothers in war? There's some form of a famine building as a result of the forementioned rapid expansion and ignorance toward supply lines? They're drawing from the people to feed their armies? The armies, which are also dying off at a faster pace than they can be built back up.

None of this has reached a tipping point yet, but they've been at it for long enough that it's become wholly unsustainable. Nobody tells them aside from Acacius and I guess the Senate tried, and they also don't listen.

Further, it's been 16 years since Marcus Aurelius. Septimius Severus, their father, in real life ruled for a decent time considering he was the last survivor of the Year of the Five Emperors, which started with the death of Marcus Aurelius and extended to Commodus in Gladiator 1, and then (buzzing, static noise, distorted video feed), ending with presumably him as it did with history. So we've had the Severan dynasty in power for how long now? How much did their father fuck up Rome with his campaigns? The RL dude died somewhere in Britain of an illness and it was Caracalla and Geta who put an end to that war front, but clearly they've been doing other things in this universe. But maybe they did close up shop in Britannia, and chose to focus south, where our story's looking toward? Severus had a succesful expansion down into African and Middle-Eastern fronts, so maybe they looked at that and went, you know what, we could do better. By chucking all of Rome's military prowess single-mindedly over there with all of the food also?

Throwing back to the Senate by the way - what the hell are the crimes against the Senate that Acacius accuses them of? Again RL, Severus was not popular with the Senate, but these two are too damn young to have had anything to do with that. Maybe they just didn't do anything to fix that, and made it worse, because their father got away with it and also who the hell cares about the Senate anyway? What are those old guys doing aside from nothing and being hostile?

Severus also, curiously, overhauled the Praetorian guard. He kicked out everyone he thought wasn't 110% loyal to him and replaced the command with his own men, and increased their pay by like a millionfold. I think, at the time of Gladiator II's story, with the Praetorian guard - things might actually be okayish for the twins, despite their growing hubris and the Praetorians' habit of discarding emperors that fuck with them. Because they're getting paid so much better than they ever were, and while Geta and Caracalla are both morons, I don't think Geta would go as far as being a moron about their personal security. I don't think they'd be cutting corners with the changes their father presumably put in place, and I think the Praetorians, for the time being, are putting up with their nonsense out of convenience - their job might be harder at this time, but they're being compensated, and they probably have lingering loyalty over.

But again in terms of the timeline - they can't have been in power for even two years. I can't imagine them lasting that long, or it having been that long, particularly when our available timeframe is 16 years, and we had to have other Emperors in that time, and they're so goddamn young. If they'd come into power at like, 15, they would have been either disposed of immediately or they would have been trained into the job to do better than they are. They wouldn't have lasted into their 20s being the way that they are.

So they've been on the throne for fuck all in terms of time, inherited a military behemoth from their father who presumably was good enough at his job to not get nuked the same way Commodus did and had a military mindset which he entirely failed to hand his children (probably because he was too busy beating them), and have in a matter of months driven that into the ground because they're insecure, unqualified, and lack any form of guidance and councelling to do their jobs better.

Somebody get these boys a babysitter who can handle budgeting at the same time.

I started to wonder how many emperors were killed by the praetorian guard and apparently it was quite a few lmao so the emperors were very much not safe with their own bodyguards

makes me wonder how many other little personal privileges the guards could take if they would even kill the emperors if they so chose and if the emperors were ever scared of them

the guard were elite soldiers and a branch of the military working as the emperors' private police essentially

they worked for the emperors and their job was to protect the emperors and to stop social unrest and also demonstrate the emperors' power but while they were ordered by the emperors they were not commanded by them but instead by their own commanding officers