#what is life atp
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Muzzle me before I say something truly diabolical please-
#ellie x reader#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams#ellie tlou#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams headcanons#ellie the last of us#ellie x you#ellie x fem reader#i cannot believe she’s not real#what is life atp#cervix tickler#I wanna be saved PLEASE
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Sometimes I Forget I Can't Live In My Daydreams And Ignorance Forever And Will Genuinely Have To Find A Healthy Way To Cope With My Issues, Rather Than Pretend I'm Living In A Different World And Act As If They Don't Exist.
#vent#dissociation#maladaptive daydreaming#daydreaming#trauma#i cant cope#fucking help me#what is life atp#am i even me#who is me#what is me#depersonalization#derealisation
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my lonely ass is just listening to someday from zombies on repeat
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local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6
#i’ve seen so many interpretations of that 1 hr freeze frame of Kabru’s smile in ep 16#he’s meeting his long time crush of course he’s trying to charm him#Kabru so obviously has a big fat giant crush on Laios#like atp in the story he’s tried to talk to him and get his attention so many times agjdjajdj#Laios is the human rubix cube he’s been searching for his entire life#everyone else is almost too easy for Kabru to pin down#Laios on the other hand … a treasure trove of autistic mystery#Kabru is so locked in#Kabru used signature move: charming smile#Laios: no effect!#there’s something so beautiful about the popular pretty boy entering his fumble era when his one true love turns out to be autistic#labru#laios touden#kabru of utaya#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#wasabi rambles#seen so many clock that smile as nefarious and machiavellian#baby no Kabru is just dialing the charm up to 100 and what we’re all feeling is second hand embarrassment LMAO
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Spoiler ISAT sketch dump yay
If you get the reference for the last one youre so real🙏🙏
Update: this is now a top post and i dont like the original sketch so i put the redraw at the top, the original is below the cut. This is porely for my viewing pleasure it’s ok if you prefer the original more
#isat#isat spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#in stars and time#isat fanart#my art#<- all my posts have these tags atp#isat-fied the life cycle of a star am i doomed#i’m gonna make the full thing once i get my isat postgame thingy together#…huh!#i do not understand the logic behind what posts blow up hskdkd#if this hits 400 notes im giving up and updating the top photo
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The sky's a burnt orange, with the Citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, shining under the twin suns. Beyond that, the mountains go on forever. Slopes of deep red grass, capped with snow.
The Legend of Ruby Sunday // The Sound of Drums
#dwedit#doctor who#usertennant#userteri#userdiana#susan triad#*#(caption is from gridlock)#everybody please weigh in:#are all the lives we saw fake-susan appear in real?#by which i mean did she actually personally live out each life. even if she can only half-remember them through dreams now#OR#was her face just superimposed throughout the universe a la bad wolf and the dreams were fake images and none of it meant anything#in which case penny pepper bean etc were real people but did NOT actually look like fake-susan. that face was just planted on them for lols#what i'm really asking is: does fake-susan remember gallifrey bc once upon a time she actually lived out the life of a time lord#or does she remember gallifrey solely bc the IMAGE of gallifrey was implanted in her dreams#i don't actually think we're ever going to get an answer atp but i want to know how people are interpreting it!!
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(/p) shout out to lovely by twenty one pilots
#my art#mcyt#gtws#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#grian#life series#i am so anxious to post this one actually bc ik it will be taken as shipping but it is what it is#desert duo#all rab songs are somewhat conencted to life series desert boys but im not sharing all that#this might become a series atp
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Ok so since basically everyone in the redacted fandom and Erik himself has a SPOUSE I will be the one to speak for the bitchless redacted fans:
ME. WHEN.
To be clear I dislike the concept of marriage and I'm the type of -romantic (idk atp) that would never have the official label of "relationship" but I would like one NONETHELESS.
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted asmr#my sexuality is so complicated I don't even know what to call it atp#like what are you mcgriddle#<< idk to that last part guys#like what the nuclear waste is going on with my love life#and why is she non existent#I can literally draw and I'm pretty so I'm really confused#is it the loudness#(I'm joking guys this isn't a desperate plea)#if this was Twitter I would've gotten a call out thread for being a desperate loser#but I digress
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After spending some time listening and re-listening and thinking a lot, I think I finally have my head wrapped around all these songs. This post is an exploration of what they could tell us about Mike’s story, and also a sort of theory I noticed once I saw the full picture. This playlist is—in my opinion—the story we’ve been theorising for the past two years reflected in 12 songs. That might sound hyperbolic but it’s simply what I heard and interpreted, and wanted to share because I enjoyed writing it. I hope this is an interesting read!
If you didn’t see my last post about why I do believe this is Finn’s Mike/ST playlist despite the somewhat ambiguous title you can read that here. It’s totally okay if you disagree but I’m not interested in debating it, and this analysis is coming from a perspective of assuming we've guessed correctly that the playlist relates to ST (obviously we can't 1000% verify that, but for the purposes of this post that’s my stance).
I’m going to focus on themes and overall meanings in the songs because in my opinion that’s where any connections are going to lie, rather than specific lines holding anything important (aside from a few which I’ll highlight) because I feel like that’s closest to how Finn would’ve thought while making it. Basically a macro level representation of Mike and what he goes through next season, something that would help a person get into the headspace of a character. Oh and my larger point is about the playlist as a whole, which will come together at the end :)
➠ Track 1 | Ballad of the Texas King
The first song is an anomaly in that I think it’s meant to set the tone more than anything else. These explain better than I could hope to:
"Itʼs a murder ballad, and as is common in murder ballads, deals with promise and innocence being snuffed out.” [link]
"Clarke sings of a chance encounter with an ominous figure that feels akin to selling your soul at the crossroads" [link]
Hey kid come along, something is wrong, I believe you now / All this to say only one way that this can go / Come with us for a ride / Don’t it feel like hell? Boy let me tell you, that’s where you are
• • •
A nice little coincidence, Finn himself is quoted as saying season 5 is a “crossroads”. I can see this song being an allusion to inevitable big choices with life-altering consequences next season, and also more mature themes being tackled within Mike’s story. I mean he’s stepping back into his role as leader, and now they’re older that will come with a lot more weight and responsibility in situations where the fate of the world is likely hanging in the balance. Not to mention how his personal struggles will be tied up in that, it’s probable that a slightly darker, more self-reflective—and transformative—tone is waiting for us in regards to season 5 Mike.
➠ Track 2 | What You're Doing
A simple song about a turbulent relationship where one person is unhappy because their partner is messing them around, and they're pleading with them to stop.
Look what you’re doing, I'm feeling blue and lonely / You got me running and there's no fun in it / Please stop your lying, you've got me crying, girl
The partner is the one holding control in the situation, while they feel at the mercy of their partner’s careless choices. The mood here is one of helplessness and desperation while still remaining open-hearted, hoping they’ll change.
I've been waiting here for you wondering what you're gonna do / If you should need a love that's true it’s me / Why should it be so much to ask of you what you're doing to me?
• • •
This is heavily M!Ieven coded. What do we know about their dynamic? Mike is always the one chasing El (trying to “win her back” in s3, terrified of her not needing him in s4, stressing about her being in danger all the time). El is consistently seeking autonomy (choosing to learn about her identity over pursuing romance with him in s2, choosing to break up with him in s3, choosing to leave him behind in s4, and I’m willing to bet she’s the one who removes herself from his storyline in s5). We know their separation will happen early season, and naturally things between them must be unstable leading up to this. El being the one to pull away while Mike stresses over it checks out considering these past patterns, and also the end of s4 with her already closing herself off while Mike appears at a loss.
➠ Track 3 | After The Earthquake
A song reminiscing on a relationship and the failure and death of it, with a sense of lingering nostalgia and unwillingness to let it go. It’s set to the backdrop of a metaphorical car crash.
It wasn't built to last / If you wake up you’ll remember the awful things I said / Looking back to the vibrant days / Those days I'd never let you fall apart but things fade / Why would I ever fall in love again when every detail’s over the guard rail? / Velvet curtains drawn, flowers at your feet / Say you’ll climb your way out of your wake now / Are you awake now?
• • •
In simpler terms…this is a break up song. The longing tone makes sense to me for M!Ieven because I’ve long suspected the initial split between them is not going to be super clean cut (this should make more sense later). Mike and El were together for a long time for their age, and have a lot of intense shared memories. El was also his first and only experience of relationships; it’s going to be difficult to detach. It being the right decision to end something doesn’t mean it’s easy or simple. Even if Mike is gay and didn’t truly like her romantically, he still loved her and in my opinion that distinction isn’t something he’s going to have figured out and made peace with the second it ends.
➠ Track 4 | Promises I've Made
Very straightforward and repetitive, and follows on seamlessly from the last song: this is about having trouble moving on from someone who’s left your life.
Ever since you have gone the days don't seem so bright and I wish I could forget you but I can’t / I have promised myself I wouldn't dream of you but I find that awful hard sometimes to do
• • •
Based on what I’ve seen people might fight me on this, but to me it’s M!Ieven coded mainly because of its positioning in the playlist (directly after a struggling relationship song + break up song) but also because it is technically about an ex love. Could we say it doesn’t need to be interpreted that specifically? Yes. I suppose it could be Byler coded too but personally...the way I would interpret it is as Mike moping over whatever happened with El. There’s not any intense emotional pining going on; if you listen it has a very laid back, chill sort of mood and is honestly very upbeat. There’s no deep heartbreak. It’s just about missing someone. Plus it sort of perfectly closes out the process we see over the last two songs of being unhappy with someone, to breaking up and grieving, to the typical post-break up struggle of navigating this hole in your life and naturally missing what once filled it. This is a whole sub-arc for Mike.
➠ Track 5 | Angst In My Pants
We’ve reached the gay section! This song is about trying to fit yourself into an acceptable—aspirational, even—life but never feeling content, and continuously trying to squash this troubling Feeling, the titular phrase: angst in (your) pants. Some people think it’s a reference to literal physical arousal but others including me think that in context it’s intended more as a metaphor for sexual frustration/dissatisfaction.
I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away / It's just a passing phase / When you’re all alone, you and your head / When you think you’ve made it disappear it comes again, hello, I’m here and I’ve got angst in my pants
The queer subtext here is very clear, I don’t think I even have to explain (check out the cover art too lol). The song closes with a realisation/acceptance that no, this “phase” won't ever go away i.e. it’s just who you are.
Give it a hundred years, it won't go away
I also thought one of the opening verse lines was an interesting segue from the last few songs:
But when you’re all alone and nothing bites you’d wish you stayed at home with someone nice
• • •
Angst In My Pants may aswell be titled Forced Conformity the thematic parallels to ST are that blatant. Another point for team Mike Wheeler actually is connected to the main themes of the show like all his other friends, and no it’s not because he’s somehow oppressed for being a nerd. Also rather than being about feelings for another person the song is about personal struggle with sexuality which excites me to think about in relation to Mike because we’ve been saying he needs to explore his own identity outside of being a love interest.
➠ Track 6 | The Better Side
A very sweet, slow, slightly melancholy song. I’ll be honest I cannot decipher more than 2/3 of the lyrics but here are the most meaningful ones of those I could:
I know you cry and I’m trying to keep you by my warmth
You’re never gonna see my eyes, you’re coloring all the skies you want to / I tried staying alive, keep my head on the better side when you’re far away
You’re on the better side you’re always the better one for me
You’re all that I need, I’m not gonna miss you anymore
My understanding is it’s about pining over someone who is a “better” choice, whatever that means in this context. Deciding you want someone, someone who you don’t currently have, someone who is maybe distracted, distant or physically absent? But vowing to change that because you recognise that you need them.
• • •
This directly follows the Gay Thoughts song, and precedes the Gay Thoughts song 2.0 so I feel safe interpreting it as Byler coded and about how it’s Mike’s turn to pine. (Also because “better” implies that there’s a “worse” i.e. this is a situation where you’re differentiating between two things i.e. in Mike’s case, Will vs El). I can envision Mike and Will getting moments together away from whatever chaos is surely going on, having the space to connect more where Mike starts becoming conscious of his feelings, realising slowly that Will is the “better” one for him. And as the song also suggests, perhaps Will has pulled away from him in the beginning. I think this is possible because the torment Will's likely going to endure from Vecna could understandably cause him to push Mike away, fearing his safety or him finding out how Will feels, and also I just don’t think he’ll be able to stand the pain of being M!Ieven’s couple’s counsellor for much longer without cracking. But I think Mike “it’ll be easier if we’re a team” Wheeler would make it his mission to fix any rift between them, the final line literally being I’m not gonna miss you anymore.
➠ Track 7 | Don't Ask Me To Explain
As far as I can tell, this song is about being afraid to face queer feelings for another person who is also hiding this about themselves, and being conflicted about whether to confess because you're not sure how they feel.
How will I ever know you enough to love you if you're hiding who you are? / How am I supposed to let it show when I don't even know? / Don’t move on without me, who will be watching my body when I sleep? / I don't want to be the one who's coming out first, I'd really like to but I'm just too shy
The end is an admission of…something. I’m not sure whether to interpret it as wishful thinking over this queer relationship you believe you can’t have, or as an offhand comment about forcing yourself to love someone you can’t because of your sexuality. Interesting either way:
It’s so easy to lie to myself and pretend that I could love you but I can't
I did do some research and the alleged true explanation of this song is it’s from one queer friend to another (man to woman, I assume both closeted, maybe a failed romance?) but I could only find one uncited source for that and everywhere else seems to agree with my interpretation so it seems when listening to the song that’s the story people hear. (Plus either way the song is about being queer. Undeniably so).
• • •
It’s not Byler coded we’re way past that, it literally just…is them. It does seem to suggest a level of internal conflict in Mike regarding coming out that I can’t say I expected (yes I have no doubts about canon Byler but I’m also a pessimist by nature—that should tell you how obvious their endgame is though lmao—so I assumed the Duffers would go wrong somewhere). I always thought he would be almost consciously clueless about himself until he finds out Will loves him, and the focus be more on him liking Will back rather than him liking boys (and obviously wasn’t a fan of that), but the prospect of Mike actually being aware and grappling with his sexuality is what we’ve been praying for and builds on the more low-level thrum of sexual confusion in Angst In My Pants. Oh and the song also could suggest Mike suspecting that Will likes him/is queer too before anyone confesses.
➠ Track 8 | What Do You Want Me To Do?
Another straightforward one. It’s quite angsty, a big contrast to the more sad feelings about a relationship from the earlier songs. This is about someone who left you for someone else/someone who walked out on you, who decides they want you back.
You walked out took your chance, turned your back on our romance / You said the change would do you good / But then the bubble burst your dream, turned into a nightmare scream / You came crawling to me your knees, and you were asking me to love you please
The main message of the repetitive chorus is basically: you want me to need you, but that’s not real love. You’re just using me to feel better about yourself.
What do you want me to do? Say that I need you more? Is that what real lovers do? Or only what you use me for?
• • •
I mean isn’t that last part how we’ve always described M!Ieven’s dynamic—all about aligning with the other’s needs whether for safety, validation or feeling ‘normal’, rather than genuine romance? I don’t think there’s any chance at all of El leaving Mike for someone else lol, as I said I don’t think we need to interpret these songs super specifically. But it does make me wonder: could we possibly see a moment of regression for El at some point in the season, after they separate? The focus here in my opinion is frustration at someone trying to re-enter your life when you know they don’t truly love you. Reflecting on their dynamic I talked about with earlier songs and their history in the show (El walking away, Mike scared to lose her), is it possible the break up could leave Mike struggling initially then he progressively understands why it was the right choice (especially after spending time with Will), meanwhile for El it’s the opposite—she’s more sure about breaking up but something happens later on that shakes her belief in herself. Her having one last hurdle to overcome in her dependency on Mike to finally break that pattern of hindering her growth by retreating to him could make sense. And based on this song…Mike would not be receptive to being El’s safety net. Growth for both of them.
➠ Track 9 | Substitute
Again, very angsty compared to earlier. It’s about a relationship characterised by false perceptions (focused on class), and those being what is holding it together. One partner is pretending to be something they’re not, cosplaying as someone else, and the other is also being dishonest/fake.
You think we look really good together / My fine looking suit is really made out of sack / The simple things you see are all complicated / Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac
The relationship breaks down because of this and their partner doesn’t truly want to fix things, and ultimately trades up.
Those crocodile tears are what you cry / It’s a genuine problem, you won’t try to work it out at all, you just pass it by / Substitute me for him / Substitute my coke for gin
Essentially: your partner not knowing the real you because you’re putting on a facade—the facade being the version of you they really like, the thing that was making you compatible—leads the relationship to fail. The literal title suggests neither of them as they are are what the other truly wants or needs.
• • •
Obviously this does not directly parallel M!leven in terms of the topic of the lying but in terms of the themes and core relationship issues…yeah. To me this could be about point Mike has reached after gradually coming to realisations about the nature of their relationship after it’s over, like I mentioned before. I can envision a mid-late season confrontation (or something less aggressive sounding lol) between them, pairing perfectly with the topic of the previous song. El scared trying to fall back on Mike and he’s like…no, we don’t work, I can’t be that for you anymore and this is why: betraying who he is (nerd) to impress her, trying so hard to play the “boyfriend” role (yet they never successfully emotionally connect), if he’s gay then there’s also the facade of straightness, etc. I think it would show a lot of emotional maturity from him honestly, and I really need him to have a strong grasp on what went wrong with El for them to have a shot at forming a healthy friendship, and also to psychologically process all that stuff before getting involved with Will.
➠ Track 10 | The Rebel Kind
A short song about life being tough when you don’t have much (this one is class-focused too), but still craving the freedom that comes from not following societal rules and pressures for how to do life “right”, and instead living on your own terms. Basically the struggle is worth not having to conform. The first verse sums it up pretty well:
They call us the rebel kind but they don’t understand the things a man must do to prove that he’s a man / It’s not easy but I don’t mind, I just wanna run with the rebel kind
• • •
Again, obviously the specific topic is not relevant to ST but the thematic parallels blew my mind, I mean the entire show is about people being outcasts and learning to find strength in that, and the final season is going to majorly drive that point. We know this from the fact that Will “being different” Byers is the one who’s arc is said to tie up the whole show. Now in regards to Mike…if this doesn’t scream forced conformity and deciding to reject it for your own happiness I don’t know what does. It perfectly captures the thematic end point of his arc next season (and not just his but probably the entire party’s in one way or another). Also the toxic masculinity reference in that one line applies heavily to Mike with his history of trying so hard to do what he thinks he supposed to do in going from boy to man i.e. We’re not kids anymore. Did you think we were never gonna get girlfriends?
➠ Track 11 | Block Rockin’ Beats
Another one I think is mainly to set a tone; no real lyrics just beats. In my opinion it comes after The Rebel Kind for a reason. Somehow it just makes sense, it’s got this really loud, frenzied, unrestrained energy to it.
➠ Track 12 | Just What I Needed
We end off with a love (or desire?) song. It’s interesting because it’s quite aggressive sonically but at the same time it talks about being with someone in a simple uncomplicated way:
I don’t mind you coming here and wasting all my time / I don’t mind you hanging out and talking in your sleep
…but it’s also very intense how you feel with them.
Cause when you’re standing oh so near I kinda lose my mind
There’s a repeated line that stuck in my head. It’s obviously written about a female subject, but there is such a rejection of the feminine going on:
It’s not the perfume that you wear, it’s not the ribbons in your hair
It’s saying those feminine attributes are not why this person is attractive—and yeah logically that means the subject must have those things, but as I’ve said I don’t think these songs need to be interpreted on such a specific level. The point being made is about a deeper connection. The line is just intriguing to me from the perspective of Mike being into boys, I mean he could’ve picked literally any other romance song.
I needed someone to feed / I needed someone to bleed / I guess you’re just what I needed
The message here is basically: I was craving the rawest form of connection/intimacy with another human being (that doesn’t have to necessarily mean sexual it’s just those visceral words feed, bleed in comparison to perfume and ribbons which sound very fluffy lol)…and now I’ve found you and it’s exactly what I was looking for.
• • •
With all the themes through the songs of rejecting fake relationships and conformity, and accepting and exploring queerness…Will Byers is obviously going to be the thing Mike needed. I’ve been saying (and so have many) but Byler isn’t happening till the end. Also the playlist finishing with this song is telling in my opinion. Aside from the Castle Byers Classics link, the title itself implies searching for something which is now found, a journey being over. I say this for the purposes of pushing my agenda about this playlist painting a narrative. Hear me out:
Personally……that’s not accidental. It just isn’t. Even if my more specific interpretations aren’t correct, I just cannot believe that this wasn’t curated to draw a particular picture. I believe in coincidences and if the playlist had been titled as it was with a bunch of random unconnected irrelevant songs I’d be the first person to file it under that. But the title and the inclusion of a song from Will’s official playlist and these specific songs in this specific order? Yeah it’s about s5 Mike and I cannot wait to see him! If you made it this far thanks for reading <3
#byler#my magnum opus atp#this took so long because I’m a perfectionist and also life happens#I recommend reading this and then listening to the playlist with it in mind#see how it feels#oh & fav songs of mine: Ballad of the Texas King. After the Earthquake. Angst In My Pants. Just What I Needed :)
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wheweweww deep breaths, sobs, hiccups , tears and snot
#literally shaking looking at this photo#im not even joking#they are so dear to me#im already grieving for the ending thats like a month away LOL#it's actually not funny at all#like#what are we supposed to do after it ends#and what about brhdjddndj#all the people that died#theyre not coming back#oh my god#im still stuck in the sister school games during s1 IDK#im tweaking genuinely#like wtf#i need a spin off or something#a slice of life version of jjk#something ANYTHING ATP#bc no im ready to move on helloooooo#𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬
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yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always.
#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind#but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee#yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT#megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs#so for him yes he bites and barks#but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you?#gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask#always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it#won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you#yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception#unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be#and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine#nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc#pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i#it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too#so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh#now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to#or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway.............#somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing......#this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now....#juju#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu x reader
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Honestly we could REALLY get into the fact that a lot of the insanity in Acotar is an excellent exercise in why you can't really separate the art from the author.
Sjm's zionism is OBVIOUS in the text. The ic destabilize governments to the detriment of people they will never have to care for, steal artifacts from other countries, displace people, cause invasions, commit war crimes for 50 years "for the greater good" all while their own people are living under unchecked brutality and poverty.
They are rich megalomaniacs that care for no one but themselves and their own emotional and material satisfaction and they are PRAISED for it. In fact anyone who even remotely disagrees with the IC is almost always one of the villains in the story (Beron, Tamlin, etc) as if to condition the reader that asking questions that are critical of the IC puts you on the wrong side of the narrative morally.
All of that sounds REALLL familiar huh?
#and the funny thing is sjm brought this on herself#unlike most authors she creates a clear framework in the text of what the narrative considers morally right and morally wrong#and her characters are always in the side that is morally right in the books but is morally abhorrent in real life#you have NO CHOICE but to question the actual author atp#like if the ic were real they would be the gop#and i think its funny that a lot of the havoc they wreak is most centered on people that are poc or marginalized in the book#but im supposed to get behind it because its some white teenager having a girl boss colonial moment#i hate these novels#if sjm wanted to do this she should have straight up just made feyre and co villains#anti sjm#anti acotar#anti rhysand#anti feysand#anti ic#anti acomaf#anti sarah j maas#anti inner circle#anti acowar
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their love story hurts me so bad. if someone asks me "damn, who hurts you?" it's them. they hurt me. they are so "loving you is a losing game" coded. the way no matter what path she took, she will always be on the path that is against him. and lovers who HAD to be on the opposite side in any kind of event could actually kill me on the spot. I'm not even attempting to joke around rn. the way their nature is opposed to each other but they were still drawn by each other. LIKE HE KNEW WHO SHE WAS AND STILL PATIENTLY WAITING FOR HER TO COME CLEAN WITH IT HERSELF. HE DIDN'T FORCE HER LIKE HE DID WITH OTHERS. AND THE WAY THEY'RE NOT EVEN ENEMIES, THEIR NATURE FORCED THEM TO BE ONE. SOMEONE TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME, I CAN'T BREATH WHEN I'M READING THEIR SCENES. I JUST CAN'T
#romance club#interactive game#romance club game#rc song of the crimson nile#rc sotcn#rc amen#rc evthys#i actually hate them#for making my miserable life ten times more miserable#atp i don't have the strength to read anything about them anymore#i have lost the purpose to live#what's the point if I can't see a happy ending for them#i swear on the final chapter of sotcn I'm gonna genuinely cry at their ending#they're all i can think about nowadays honestly#I'm actually sick of them#I'm THIS 🤏🏽 close to take a bath with my toaster#wanna test the theory if it's true or not#normalizing by blaming all of my life problems to hataroth
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i can't love you in this skin
#twittering birds never fly#saezuru tori wa habatakanai#suggestive#<- jic#interpret this as you will#there's A Lot about gender and yashiro's relationship with gender and heteronormativity especially in relation to doumeki#he asks him what type of Women he likes. they only watch m/f stuff together. “i wonder if he's gentle with women”.#the anger and disappointment when he realizes that doumeki is actually attracted to him#unless he's remembering something that happened he only fantasises about doumeki with a woman and not with himself#(same was with kageyama iirc)#except for that kiss in the elevator but that's a whole other conversation. and even then there was a woman present#he even tells kamiya that doumeki is basically straight and he's just a rare exception#yashiro's is so so desperate to push doumeki towards a “normal” life#aka not in yakuza. not with him. in a normal (straight) relationship#just. a lot of self hatred and internalized homophobia#all that being said. i think regardless of the author's intent reading yashiro as a closeted trans person is also valid#the “i could never afford myself to reflect on this and i also don't care enough about living to even bother atp” type of closet#would it contradict some of the things yashiro says? sure. but he contradicts himself all the time#am i projecting as someone who will live and die in the closet? sure#i think it's interesting that the only person who genuinely asks him about gender is ryuzaki#in the same conversation where he asks him about falling in love#and yashiro's response is basically “it wouldn't change much” and “i'm fine with what i have”. are you tho#there's a lot i can say about yashiro and aoi and yashiro and ryuzaki's girlfriend but i can't articulate it well rn so whatever#the way dumeki's lie about dating a woman affects yashiro is also interesting regardless of which interpretation you go with#which is also why i'm using post time-skip for the art. the topic keeps popping up#but yeah uh. take it as you will i just have a lot of feelings about. This#art tag
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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thinking about. i dont know how to phrase this really but. chloe and frank.
like. when Chloe killed Frank i (, personally,) feel like her guilt from it was less because she killed Frank, and More because she Killed Someone (and their dog).
but!!! thats not to say she didnt feel guilty for killing Frank. because she definitely did. because on some level. despite everything. despite all of his shitty behavior. a part of her still cared for him. that tiny 15-17ish year old part in her still cared for him.
because that 15-17ish year old with intense abandonment issues in her only had. a small handful of people in her life that actually cared for her, and when THOSE few people aren’t even doing the best job at it— it’s no shit that Chloe’s standards for Good Friends are going to be Immensely dropped.
and so. it’s kind of like what happened with Rachel, but WAY less intense. when she found someone who didn’t hate her, and was willing to hang around her—after so so long of people hating her and not wanting to be around her— it makes sense that part of her would kinda latch onto them a little bit.
and so, even after all of the shit she’s learned he did— even when Frank starts to hate her— even when he threatens Max and her’s lives— part of her keeps remembering him as one of the few guys who stuck around when no one else did.
it’s just that. no matter how bad the person— if you’ve known someone for years, and they were one of the only nice people to you in a town where theres like. four people that are nice to you— it’s gonna hurt if you kill them. even if it was self defense. even if it was entirely their own fault— even if you two aren’t on even remotely good terms anymore.
ESPECIALLY for such a sentimental person like Chloe. taking that in consideration it makes me wonder. maybe she didn’t feel bad for killing Frank. maybe she felt bad for killing the person Frank used to be to her. but maybe she realized that That Frank already died long ago.
but yeah. im mentally ill. take everything i said with a grain of salt considering it is 12:07 AM.
#my thoughts are a mixture of coherentness but also just enough of radio static that i cant write much of it out Correctly#but anyways dont you think it’s a little fucked that.#and maybe im reading it wrong but#like.#she really wanted to be friends with him in bts#she was really put that position#god idk#feel free to discuss about the whole. “chloe felt bad for killing Somebody not just frank” thing. that’s not something im 100% set in stone#with LOL. im open to other interpretations of it#that isnt to say the rest of this isnt open to discussion— but that part In Particular is#this post is mostly about how “frank was chloes friend” more than anything#it’s about how. out of the entire town. the shitty drug dealer is one of the guys who gives an actual shit about her#and about how. something happened in between BTS and LIS to make them hate eachother#like YES the 5000 dollar debt but that just CANT be it can it? was it rachel’s disappearance that destroyed them?#or did frank start declining after the whole dameon thing??? WHAT CHANGED THEM…..#anyways im sure im not the first to think of this and im ready to hear other peoples opinions on it#SCREAMING AND CRYING BC CHLOE IS LITERALLY SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER BUT PEOPLE ARE TOO MISOGYNISTIC TO SEE IT RAHGDHSGSHGA#if i had a nickel for every time i said “even” “despite” or “because” in this post i’d be rich#life is strange is a game about tragedy. and. misogyny.#ALSO TAKE IN CONSIDERATION. if u read this far.#that chloe likely met frank Before she was Really Truly convinced that there was zero hope for her to find somebody who cared for her#so it took a lot less effort for someone like frank to leave an imprint on chloe atp of her life.#and also partly why it was So Much More intense with rachel#hoping to god this is coherent#lis#life is strange#chloe price#frank bowers#rachel amber#…. i really doubt it will happen
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