#what if they just talk over me. what if im ignored.
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âź make it to the morning. / pedri gonzalez x black!reader
á° word count: â800
á° summary: you and your boyfriend get into an argument, but he doesnât take you seriously.
á° yap!: umm dont hate me for this one! and yes this is based off of âmake it to the morningâ by pnd, im OBSESSEDDD. dedicated to pedriâs gf @planetpedri &&. my loves @ar4ujos , @halfwayhearted , @szalovebot !
Your boyfriend Pedri was driving while you sat in the front seat. You had already had a bad day at work, and all while you were telling him this, he got distracted by his phone.
âAre you fucking serious?â You frustratedly chuckled, looking over at him.
His eyes stopped on you briefly before looking back at the road, pulling into the neighborhood of his house. âWhat?â He glanced at his phone again, then looked back up.
âIâm trying to talk to you and youâre fucking texting and driving, trying to get us both killed.â It almost sounded like you were joking, the way your tone was playful, laced with the slightest bit of anger and annoyance.
âIâm just⊠asking Gavi about the plans for tomorrow. Iâm sorry, babe, keep talking,â Pedri responded, this time looking over at you for longer and setting his phone down. He kept his gaze on the street though, driving through slowly.
You raised a brow, asking, âWhat plans?â
The dark haired man stayed silent, his eyes now locked on what was in front of him.
âHello? Iâm speaking,â you snapped a finger in front of his face, waiting for his answer.
âMe, Gavi, and some of the guys wanna go out tomorrow,â he shrugged, answering nonchalantly.
You had to stop yourself from snapping at him, instead saying, âSo instead of listening to me tell you about my day you were texting your friends about plans I didnât even know about. âKay, Pedri.â
âI was gonna tell you,â Pedri immediately replied, a defensive sound in his voice.
âBullshit,â you rolled your eyes, looking away from him and out of your window.
He didnât say anything for a few seconds. As he pulled into the driveway, he said, âY/n. Y/n, talk to me.â
You didnât respond, getting out of the car immediately, grabbing your stuff and bringing it up to the door. You fiddled with the key trying to unlock the door, as a frustrated Pedri walked up to you.
âHello? Iâm speaking,â he retorted, a pit of anger piling up in his stomach. âI donât get why youâre mad at me.â
Again, dodging him, you unlocked the door and walked into the house. You didnât even bother to grab your keys afterwards, making him do it. You set your bags down on the kitchen counter and headed upstairs into his bedroom to sit down.
He knew where you were, following you up there after he locked the front door and set his stuff down. âBabe,â he tried again as he walked into the bedroom. He sat himself next to you, apologizing. âBaby, Iâm sorry. Tell me what I did.â
You scoffed at first, but when you saw the upset look in his eyes, you decided to just answer him. âI was trying to fucking talk to you and you were ignoring me.â
âI was trying to get me and Gaviâs plans straight,â he defended himself. âI was still listening. Dios mĂo, llevas las cosas tan lejos.â He mumbled that last part under his breath, hoping you didnât hear him.
You eyed him, knowing you didnât fully understand what he was saying, but could grasp some parts of it. âExcuse you? Speak up.â
âCan you just save this for the morning? Iâm tired, babe,â He groaned.
That set you offâwho did he think he was trying to push off a problem he caused? âFine. Bye, Pedro.â You got up from the bed, walking out of the room and downstairs.
âWait, no, Y/n,â his voice sounded from behind you. âI donât wanna fight, please.â
You ignored him, your face burning with anger. You began grabbing your stuff off of the counter, along with your keys Pedri had set next to the items.
âY/n,â he gently grabbed your wrist, nearly forcing you to turn around.
âWhat?â You shouted at him, turning around to see⊠a ring?
He looked at you, really looked at you for the first time that night. He couldnât help but smile, seeing your reaction. âThis was the plan.â
âA promise ring?â Suddenly your anger died down, being replaced with a sense of adoration.
âWe obviously canât get married yet, but I want you to be the one when we get to that point. I wanted this to be a bigger surprise obviously, but I didnât want you going home mad at me,â he spoke softly, no longer having a grasp of your wrist. âItâs only you, Y/n. Itâll only ever be you. I want you to promise that itâll only be me.â
You hugged him before you could say anything, wrapping your arms around his neck. With your face nuzzled into him, you mumbled, âI love you forever. I promise.â
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would you be open to doing bf headcanons for hamzah? they could be sfw and nsfw or just sfw. love ur writing :). <3
BF Headcanons _âĄ
SFW
iâm a very opinionated person, so asking me about my hamzah headcanons is a FIELD DAY for me
Iâve always said this but I feel like hamzah (in the beginning of the relationship) is very shy? Not in the way of âignore any possible interaction between you and himâ but more of a âignores eye contact after a kissâ or âblushes when you call him a nickname for the first timeâ
He acts like he hates when you baby him but behind closed doors⊠BIGGEST BABY EVERRRR
It took him a while to hold your hand in public, not because he's embarrassed but again because he gets too flustered when you run your thumb up and down against the back of his hand,,, or when you play with his hands in general.
I MENTIONED THIS BEFORE IN FIC BUT HAMZAH IS AN EAR BLUSHER AND HE'S SO CUTE WAA
If you get on his lap and play with his hair while talking about random stuff, and you kiss him out of nowhere HEâLL SMILE THIS BIG SMILE AND COVER HIS EARS IM CRYINGGGGG HES SO CUTE
Speaking of kissing lololol
Hamzahâs kisses are SENSUAL, he takes his time and really makes sure you feel his love
Contrary to popular belief i feel like if youâre with hamzah for long enough his love language becomes physical touch
And i dont say that and mean ONLY kisses but hes such a cuddly person. HE NEEDS THAT TLC HES A BIG BOY
BUT. Big but! He is not the type of person to show affection publicly IM SORRYYY
Holding hands and hugging is fine but i think more intimate things heâd rather do in privateâŠ
Not because hes embarrassed as i said, he gets shy at other people perceiving that version of him especially since he isnât âactingâ or âjokingâ
Also he feels like only you deserve to see him like this hehehe
His love language is quality time. Like actually.
His head on your chest, playing stardew valley on his ipad. You watching TV or reading while playing with his curls.
Another form of this is that heâll ask you to be him and martins cameraman just to have you there with him
Or heâll ask if you want to try a new coffee shop that opened down the street
Heâs a man that likes to be around you 24/7
ALSO ALSO ALSO OMG OMG
HE WOULD SO FORCE YOU TO DO BACKGROUND VOCALS FOR SOME OF HIS MUSIC LIKE THE RAPPERS HE LIKES LMFAO
I dont wanna go on too long with this but one thing is for sure
Youâre his princess for REAL treats you like ROYALTY lol
If you guys get into an argument. Even if youâre wrong, he ends up apologizing
âI shouldnât have let it boil over to this anyway.â
10/10 boyfriend. Totally recommend.
NSFW
SISTA. I HAVE NEVER EVER THOUGHT IâD HAVE THE PLATFORM TO SHARE THESE THOUGHTS BUT I HAVE TO MAKE SURE YALL UNDERSTAND ONE THING!!!!
Hamzah is NAWT a boob or ass guy. HE LIKES BOTH EQUALLY. (He is secretly is ass-leaning tho LMFAO)
This is so funny but he totally is the type to smack your ass randomly when he walks by.
Do you get mad? Yes. Do you tell him to stop it? Yes. Does he stop? No. Do you secretly think it's kinda� WELL YESSS
TWO WORDS. Boob squeezer.
I think from what we can understand so far. is that Hamzah is the handsy man. HIS HANDS ALWAYS SOMEWHERE LOL
sex drive is for sure high. and when i say high⊠ITS HIGHHH
Contrary to popular belief AGAIN.
Hamzah doesnât partake in dirty talk much⊠not that he doesn't like itâhe just wouldnât in my opinion? It's not that he wouldnât talk at all, but he is more of a heavy breathing, whimpering, moaning guyâpretty much more noises than actual words
Though as i said, he would talk sometimes, especially if heâs feeling really good, or his stamina is lasting him longer than he thought⊠he starts getting a little cocky
On the topic of dirty talk, if he does talk, 99.9% of it would be praising, i don't see him enjoying degrading unless you ask him to.. but heâll be a little awkward about it LMFAOOO
Something like: âfuck, baby youâre taking me so good.â
(Unironically starts actually using good girl after a while of making it a joke btw)
Someone sent a request a few days ago and said âi feel like hamzah has a breeding kinkâ and why was i gagged?! NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT YES, i feel like hes more into the thought filling u with *** then the thought of impregnating you if that makes any sense
Im talking too much⊠digital footprint go hard.
(A/N): this isnt proofread, i kinda braindumped but i had fun doing this!! Thank u anon for the request I HOPE U LOVE THIS CUTIE MWAAAAHH
#hamzahthefantastic#slushy noobz#hamzah fluff#hamzah x reader#hamzah x y/n#deerâs reqs!#hamzah smut#hamzah the fantastic
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I WASNT SURE ABOUT THAT BUT I APOLOGIZE
I have a couple of reading problems so I misunderstood what the asker meant so thats my fault
BUT genuinely this is important for a lot of you
While i did misread this one, there has still been asks similar to this that i did catch. against both Heart AND Mind. I usually just delete them since ive already stated i was against that [it IS in the rules btw & some of yall need to read that again before submitting. including the shipping and suggestive rules]. But there been quite a bit over time & it still keeps happening even now, along side some other things. [im not good at writing down & explaining my thoughts but i'll do my best]
One being the entire part stated above
Second being how people deal with/handle aspects of depression & the main idea with the album.
A lot of people treat it either as if its for a joke, downplay or ignore it, or even infantilize parts of it [mainly toward Heart]. The last being an especially horrible way of talking about depression and portraying it. Theres a lot of people here [including myself] who struggle with that and its just harmful or annoying to see the main part of the album get horribly misinterpreted for many many reasons.
Which semi goes into the third point being that, for Whole especially, these characters are no matter what connected to CJ himself. So I will repeat that I do not want ANY shipping headcanons, suggestive/nsfw headcanons, and no headcanons about Whole that are too closely related to CJ. That mainly being pronouns or any other sexuality for Whole.
And not only have I stated this but Jash himself has said that Whole is basically just him. Even saying that with HMS; he has his own ideas for them but lets the public decide & choose their own for them. While for the other, he says "He/Him for âWholeâ, though, seeing as itâs just me."
While yes there are ways to go about HMS being Whole or Whole as a character, he is still connected TO Chonny. This also goes for the other versions of him like the Power Hours. They are, to me, too closely connected to CJ that I don't feel comfortable giving headcanons to a Real Person.
Again there are ways to go about it where its more from the idea of the album/single itself. it being a headcanon about the content but not the actual person. Especially when he clarified it already that at least Whole is just him, so likely the the other albums are as well.
While all of that is not ALL the submissions, a good majority of you are chill thankfully, its happened enough to where it needs to be stated again. Either way just take caution when sending something in and just PLEASE read the rules before doing anything.
Mind has Bluetooth hearing aids. Soul had got him them so he could hear and be able to enjoy music. Yet, neither it nor Mind knew that they could connect to *anything.* Even if he didn't want them to. Heart found this out and connected them to his phone, just so he could play random ass sounds in Mind's ear.
Headcanon #895
#again my fault for the headcanon itself as that was just my brain not. comprehending it correctly#but also its just needed to be said anyway#been getting too many submissions that a weird. harmful. & uncomfortable as of late#both here and on the incorrect quotes#also apologies for any grammer or spelling mistakes i again am not great at certain texts.#not a headcanon
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literally so fucking worried about fucking this whole friend thing up. what if i do something weird. and then they dont like me anymore. what if i get to know them better and i dont like them. what if im gonna be alone again.
#daphnes talking again#i got sort of. schlorped into a friendgroup yesterday#and im so. im so scared of fucking it up. i keep seeing them be like we are hanging out Here at This Time in the group chat and im like.#man i want to hang out too. do i ask? if i can? what if between now and the time they hang out i decide i dont want to#what if i dont have an out if i want to leave#what of i end up not liking them anymore and then i avoid them forever and im alone again#what if they actually dont want me there but they dont know how to tell me#what if none of them really like me or want to get to know me they just wanted to be nice#what if they pity me#im literally. im so scared they dont like me.#what if im weird. or too quiet. or dont contribute anything to the group.#i dont have a very big personality. im very quiet.#what if they just talk over me. what if im ignored.#what if theyre bad people. who want to make me feel welcome because they want something from me.#im so scared man i dont like this.#i got waved at twice today and both times i looked behind me because obviously there was someone behind me more worthy of a wave#but#yeah no it was me#do they not know man. do they not know im weird and avoident and afraid to be looked at.#maybe if they knew they wouldnt want me in their group
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ENERGETIC âĄïž
you make me feel so high
#atsuoikage#haikyuu#oikawa tooru#kageyama tobio#miya atsumu#oikage#atsuoi#haikyuu!!#they are not any specific member i just chose based on shot composition and vibes#so pls dont come at me saying u think so and so should be X member instead of Y member#I just want the vibes of them being on a competition show like p101 and then debuting together bc i think them being the JP members tgt#would be very sweet and help bridge some animosity or rival tension that exists like they are competing but also#they feel solace in eos presence being from same culture same language etc#tobio looooooves oikawa HAHA hes sooo starry eyed over him... tobio calling oikawa hyung im gonna kill myself#atsumu and oikawa get close maybe after iwaizumi gets eliminated maybe earlier/midway in the show? bc tsumu understands what it feels like#to suddenly pursue ur dream alone.. samu maybe trained with tsumu at same company but quit before they even enrolled on the show#atsumu being the mediator whenever oikage bicker LOL#oikawa being stressed af and snapping at tobio and tobio is so sad tsumu is like there there... ill go talk to oikawa hell come around itok#ats comforting oikw like telling him to ignore the netizen / bad edit etc and calming him down slowly and getting oikw to apologize to tobio#also tobio crawling into oikawas bed in the dorms to sleep with him at night and oikawa wants to complain but likes cuddling... deep downLOL
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do y'all think Macaque is falling back into the role that Azure and the others put on him by remaining on the outskirts of the group because he thinks his input/presence is unwanted (and yeah his presence isn't really wanted by MK and the others BUT. something about the fact Macaque is placing himself at the edge of the group, the edge that Azure and the others pushed him to, doesn't really sit well)
#Monkie Kid#lego monkie kid#monkie kid spoilers#lmk spoilers#im gonna be completely honest: i think the only reason Mac HASN'T apologized is cause he thinks they wont listen to it#so he's trying to do things WAY more subtly and it's NOT working out#and when i say ''he thinks they won't listen'' i dont mean he thinks they won't forgive him#honestly the group would be split 50/50 between ''forgives him'' and ''suspicious but willing to let him try''#i FULL OUT mean he thinks they won't listen. that they won't even hear his apology and will just talk over/ignore him#or completely misinterpret what he's saying#THAT'S what he thinks#when he was being the villain he was putting on a show. it's HILARIOUS how obvious his actions are a front when you rewatch s1 and s2#but like?? being actually him?? he does NOT expect them to listen to him when he's just himself#sort of like a. ''if you want people to listen you have to anger/frighten them into paying attention'' kind of mentality#not a good mentality to have#it DOES explain why he reacts Like That whenever someone does something that indicates they DID pay attention though#like. listen hear me out. i do NOT think Macaque expected MK to remember the Warrior thing.#so when MK brought it up it hit him like a truck#also why he reacts like that when Wukong somewhat seriously answers his ''you know this is just the calm before the storm'' question#+ when Wukong says ''we''#cause he does not consider himself part of the group. hence staying on the outskirts#GOD this guy is such a delicious pack of trauma to dissect. thank you lego for giving me not one#not two#but THREE traumatized monkeys to analyze
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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One thing I want to see explored in Wynncraft more is Lari and her relationship to the Light as a whole. To me, it always appeared to have a theme of religion and guilt and the heartwretching realisation you will never be enough or be able to do enough to prove you're worth it. She acts so angry when you start replacing her role because she's been through so much to try and fix things. It's meant to be her job to carry. Her pacifism got her friend killed, the one thing (caring nature) that had her protect this part of the Realm in the first place is getting her ignored and replaced. And when she finally cracks a little and tries to actually fight and harm you, only then is she actually given any kind of response. And, if I remember right, she feels AWFUL about it. But she still accepts that she can't do this alone. And it sucks! Because after all that time carrying death and guilt and EVERYTHING by herself, she has to have somebody else take over her role. And what does she even get by the end of it? Her mistakes aren't fixed. Everything still happened. Being replaced makes it all feel like it was for nothing.
#wynncraft#i dont know if im just misinterpreting her story but god. thats what it feels like to me#wynncraft spoilers#i guess? I guess???? i don't know if anyone filters that#like when she broke down because of everything that happened? heartbreaking#this isn't even talking about how she has to plea with elder elves her whole life and nothing good happens. shes ignored.#you being given a quest instead of her by overhearing it? yeah. no wonder she's mad. they also never valued her insight.#maybe im misremembering some of it but this was... over a year ago i did these quests.#note that i havent finished the RoL raid but i know the ending. man.#solitaire.exe#Oh fun fact this has been in my drafts since April started. Always thinking abour Lari.
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mammon magma doodle 2 electric boogaloo
#mammon obey me#obey me mammon#obey me shall we date#obey me#art#my art#artists on tumblr#AGAIN getting worked up over how the fuck to tag things#its my own post get over it i decide#i love mammon btw#i HATE the hand dont talk to me about the hand#ignore the hand#yes i know how to fix the hand i know what line to put where im just lazy
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality
#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh#like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good#but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees#the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support#and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well#like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people#maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (đ« ) i don't think it's gotten a#whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously#women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women#or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak#like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years#but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people#i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse#drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles#+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries#and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation#isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote#*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now#and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad#but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing#and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol
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Both 27 year olds in wh go crazy age regressing Charlie in a more physical manner (literal 10yr old body and for example her penchant for plushie-collecting) Ashe it just happens to him tragically mostly when talking to Noel it's not his fault he happens to trigger the most vulnerable emotions in Ashe on accident every single time (sorry i mentioned them once but then i went off about them in tags.) Charlie and Ashe parallels are so intriguing for real. Something is wrong with you guys
#Omg kris talking about wh on tumblr!? What the heck.. It's because twitter down#I know after most siriconc noelashe conversations the first thought Ashe has after they break apart is like#What the fuck just happened why did i say all that. *trying to erase all memory of it immediately*#If it was me i'd be suicidal. But it's good to be suicidal sometimes. Like when you're that far gone lol (insane person thought process)#But seriously for some reason recently i have been alot more dissociative (or noticing it) and i understand him way better#It's self sabotage from instinctual desire to be 'saved' like a moth to a light when you're NEVER in your right mind but#Nothing really pushes you to be influenced by others in that state... Until it gets unbearably personal and then you crumble#I think also that my main motivation for obsession over their relationship in specific is my love for Ashe#And to break him apart like a watermelon. And noel is capable of this. And I relate to Noel really crazy bad#>:) Come here Ashe my darling the wooden stick isnt for anything silly or bad i promise. Ignore that im drooling#sorry for the twitterinas i think i soujd like a broken record i think i am one well that's the life when your spin is a piece of media wit#limited content. As is all media
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying đ«¶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. âsavesâ her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is âi probably won't stop even if you doâ#âguess i am like my father after allâ and yashiro still goes âyou're not. you're pure and im the problemâ#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the âyour sister was lucky she had youâ.#wips tag
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i fear that i donât acknowledge enough the fact that i KNOW rhinedottir's evil !!! and she's horrible !!! and that she's wholly ireedamable !!! i know and love and respect that fact !!! i'd shoot myself in the frontal lobe if hoyo made her out to NOT be wholly evil !!!! but the reason i always go on and on and on about her humanity and complexity is because. SHE IS ALWAYS DUMBED DOWN !!!! TO JUST THAT !!!! it's literally the greatest and most moving theme (IN MY OPINION!!!) in genshin, that human beings are COMPLEX !!!! and they're MORE than just evil or bad or wtv. we see this through every character to almost ever be introduced to us -> literally just take arlecchino as an example. if anyone was at all paying attention to the discourse around her when the fontaine teaser dropped (and. 4.0 in general) it was the BIGGEST thing to watch people argue between "she's a harbinger, so she's clearly the most evil and the big antagonist of fontaine because of these accounts we have right now !!" versus the argument of "we've only seen ONE perspective of her so far, and it's no duh that all this stuff sucks -- but there's no way she's JUST gonna be all these horrible things,, because literally nobody to exist is just horrible and cruel with zero to no good in them. and also that'd make a shit narrative by hoyo in a story driven game" AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED !!!! we saw !!! in REAL time !!! that while arlecchino was rightfully cruel and horrible and, yes the things she did were fucked up beyond belief and she should absolutely not be excused for any of it - she is NOT just evil ! she's shown to care, albeit in a fucked up way that only shows she's even more deranged ; but what's so incredibly important about her is the way that her being "evil" doesn't mean she's incapable of anything else. She is evil, yesâ but so many of those evil actions have *motives* and *reasons* that explain them (but not excuse or condone!) and, although they donât save her grace or anything of the sort, they DO show her true character. AND YHATS SO IMPORTANT!!!! Sheâs capable of being an antagonist while still being justified in some form, and given nuance and backstory and redeemable traits
I am !!! NEVER !!! going to say rhinedottir is a good person. she isn't! no shit sherlock ! how the fuck do you think im gonna go on and ignore the fact she sent both her kids to their deaths, and also fed one to another. dare i say, that is NOT anything good !!! suprise of the century !! woah !!! -- but what i AM gonna say is that she's much beyond that? hello !! not only has the point of her having not a zero good trait or will in her body been. proven false over and over and over again. but it's such ! Sad and not compelling is character choice for her *not* to be nuanced and complex and justified in a fucked up !! â like do you REALLY think hoyoverse (who is clearly capable of, and likes to make) complex characters, who are horrible, while not being *only* those horrible things, would pass up a golden (haha) opportunity to make a characters whose entire existence is JUST that??!,!2????
believe what you want! Do what you want! This is a silly video game that will be eroded along with time in a hundred in so years ! But god so help me, please donât be willfully ignorant to the complexity and nuance of characters, just because you want a villain. No villain , real or not, is entirely evil. People are complex and multi faceted and people really, really need to hop off this cart of going âokay but stop saying sheâs multifaceted because it takes away from her being evilâ because it DOESNT! If anything, it makes her so much more compelling . Which is something some people can apparently. Not handle.
#this isnât even MENTIONING that she survived the cataclysm and#the implications that you guys are going to immediately villainize the one that got their nation destroyed. rather than the ones#that destroyed and cursed the people of it#HELLO.#-> I donât see asmoday fans! or phanes fans!#because people are SO ignorant to things when it isnât shoved in your face#you guys care about Rhinedottir this much because sheâs so publicized. but celestia is JUST as bad and I have yet to see more than like#three fans of them. the group/faction who fit peopleâs perception of Rhinedottir even more than#Rhine herself#(not including the istaroth fans. you are all lovely. I love you guys.)#(thank you for being insane over her.)#-> like yesss guys! letâs demonize and antagonize the war survivor who went through just as much trauma as everyone else#who was just human (a point which was just established in the Fontaine quest to be HUGE when it comes to such extensive trauma like that)#and is clearly fucked up in the head. a tad against her decison#IM NOT SAYING THAT EXCUSES HER??? NO SHIT IT DOESNT???#but GOD so help me. THATS HER REASON!#HER OERSONAL JUSTIFICATION! MOTIVE!#why do people have to be so obsessed with making her an unjustified and evil entity when sheâs. not that#sheâs justified! even if it isnât by a practical standard!#but I need YOU to put yourself into her shoes for a second#how the fuck would YOU react to your people being murdered and cursed#being wholly antagonized by everyone to live#experiencing isolation from society#and then going through the whole âlike teo thirds of my magnum opuses just diedâ thing#this isnât even! to MENTION! the fact she holds a fucked up sense of affection for them?#do you truly think she felt NOTHING#I donât care if you wanna talk about her sending them out to be killed. that doesnât meant she canât feel grief#theyâre DRAGONSdeidgned for destruction what the fucj did you expect#-> hate her all you want! thatâs okay! but donât villainize her for no reason other that uoucamt think beyond surface level#crepe rambles
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