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b1zmuth · 5 months ago

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You, ''Me'', and the fucking cat! | Satan X Reader

SC \\ replacement (To like the slightest degree), jealousy, angry MC, crackhead energy, whatever was that fever dream called the obey me anime, fluff, CAT!!!

Plot: You turn into a cat, and basically get replaced in some odd fashion.

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Today was an ordinary day.

It was the same as all the other ‘’ordinary to the point it's insufferable’’ days, filled with silence and the occasional joke thrown your way, darting glances towards you and those god-awful poorly hidden whispers- basically, everyone was tiptoeing around your general presence, attempting to not set off the ticking time bomb that was a mere step in the wrong direction from going off.

Now, to give credit where it's due, you DID bring this on yourself, considering your recently declared mass ignorance streak of everyone in the House of Lamentation.. And when you said everyone, you really meant EVERYONE- even Cebererus wasn't spared from your wrath and backhanded responses.

Even then, it still didn't justify anything that the brothers had done to you yesterday- leaving you a sopping wet mess due to their shitty April Fools “joke” that left you sulking in ''your bed'' for hours on end… or well leading up until now, where you sat on top of the table in Solomon’s dorm- where the owner of said room laughed at the current absurdity of the situation, despite the glares your eyes shot at him.

You licked your paw in an unamused fashion, trying to ignore Solomon’s cackle session at your unfortunate situation.. he somehow still didn't get with the program- shutting his mouth already.

‘’Hehe, he- haha! This is just too- haaaa!- funny! Tell me the story again, please?’’ Solomon laughed like it was going to be his last, which further fueled your immense hatred for the slick bastard- your mind racing to figure out what would be the best torture method for his ass- ‘’So, before you start telling me how you got yourself into this… situMEOWation! how's life living on the short side? Y’know, as a CAT! Ha!’’

You were going to kill him one way or another that's for SURE.

‘’Meow meow meowww! Meow meow!’’ (I’ll gouge your fucking eyeballs out if you laugh one more time you shitty excuse of a cook!) you hissed at the god-awful cook who laughed even harder this time, having to compose himself before he fell off the couch- ‘’Oh, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen- it's even better when I know what you're saying! Haha!’’ ‘’meow meow!’’ (incompetent fuck!)

Solomon finally stops laughing and turns to you with an amused look on his face, his smirk being the telltale sign of his desire for the full story…

So, this whole problem started when you were in your room secretly planning a nice, luxurious retreat to Istanbul with Satan as a surprise date in your planner- Noticing Mammon who came in your room and started talking to you- ‘’Oi human! Needa’ wear something light to dinner, Lucifer says you will get your hands messy! And doncha’ keep me waiting!’’- you finished up your plans got redressed fairly quickly and started rushing down for dinner only to be met with a dark, like SERIOUSLY dark dining room and radio silence to top it off. ‘’The hell?’’ you said, turning your head in every direction in a confused manner, your eyes darting around- eventually getting used to the pitch-black darkness that consumed the room, which still didn't help much but you just shrugged it off, and shook your phone to turn on its flashlight to be met with a damn near petrifying sight- four gigantic ass spiders-looking THINGS on the roof of the dining room which also, damn near shaved off 15 years off of your lifespan, and it only got worse from there as the 4 ‘’shadows’ started jumping down from the roof… With guns???

Damn! All of that boy kissing really did come to bite you in the ass because there was no way in hell the big G was going to let you slide with YOUR record. Fuck!

‘’Well damn, this might be how I go out, to some fuckass spiders- yeah right, hell to the naw!’’ you thought before making a mad dash up the stairs, hearing the repeated thumps of feet trailing behind you, the sound of your own blood rushing past your ears, the delicious feeling of adrenaline coursing throughout your body made this whole chase a little bit fun..?

Well, it was fun up until you nearly got cornered by three more of the ‘’shadows’’, mindlessly ran into about two walls, and got some varying degrees of carpet burn from sliding across the rugged floor so many times- your screams echoing throughout the halls, NOW the situation had totally went from 0-100 real fast.

But never mind that! Where in the world were the brothers? You had JUST seen and talked to Mammon no less than five minutes ago, right? There is no way that all seven could have disappeared with a trace within a matter of mere minutes?

Well, you kept on running until you finally found a lit room… And then your legs gave out from underneath you- and you somehow slid across a. Soapy floor? What the hell?

‘’SQUUUUIIRRTING CONTESSSSSST!!!!’’ you heard multiple voices around you scream before you were blasted by multiple streams of.. ‘’Water’’, you think, and having buckets of that same ‘’water’’ being dumped all over your already sopping wet body- and then to make matters worse, the millisecond you got up you were pelted with numerous water balloons that sent you right back down for the count- with the same voices bursting out with cackles and giggles at your expense.

I mean, to give credit, your assailants finally got the memo that maybe you were dead due to drowning in some mysterious liquid, and a yellow blur pulled you up before you were pelted with MORE FUCKING WATER BALLOONS- oh yeah, you had to be fucking livid now, looking aligned to someones abandoned wet dog after all.

Oh, and livid you were! Enough to start flipping tables and chairs, turning the now revealed seven brothers into a humanized game of bowl, hanging three of them from a chandelier and giving two a swirly-whirly, leaving poor Lucifer and Satan staring at you in genuine fear and holding up their hands defensively whilst slowly walking backward- ‘’YOU!’’ You yelled, pointing a furious finger that switched between pointing at both demons before you spoke up again, your feet picking up pace and the distraught faces of both demons turning more scared with each step- ‘’I ALMOST DROWNED! MY PHONE? SHAMISLED! MY NOSTRILS? SHOT. MY HAIR THAT I SPENT AN HOUR DRYING AND FLUFFING OUT? DONE-ZOS! WHAT IN THE HELL COMPELS YOU TO DROWN SOMEONE IN WATER AFTER HELPING THEM UP?!’’ you screamed at the two before stopping dead in your tracks, just mere feet in front of them before you started having a stare-down contest with your two unwilling contestants before they nervously tried to plead the fifth with you, only to be met with a loud ‘’STAY!’’ and the loud thumps of their bodies hitting the floor.

‘’Uuuuuuuuurgh..’’ ‘’Nghuuuugh…!’’

‘’Meow meow meow meow, meow! Meooooooooow, meowww.’’ (And that's how I ended up ignoring all of those damn brothers, who almost drowns someone in.. whatever that ‘’water’’ was and then laughing when I got pelted with even MORE wate-’’ ‘’HAAAAAAAAHAAhhhheeeehe!! AHAaaa!’’ ‘’Heheeeee…. Oh uh.. continue, please..’’

So, after you eventually stormed up to your room after spamming ‘’Stay’’ on Lucifer and Satan, you tried to get somewhat dry and marched right on over to Levi’s Room, snatching up Crowe and marching right back on over to your own room before starting your devious plan; turn all of the brothers into cats of course! At least then they would be bearable to be around after the shadoozy they just put you through 15 minutes ago! What a fantastic plan! What could possibly go wrong?

‘’Crowe! I want you to turn something into a cat.’’ You said, hoping that Levi had autopay still enabled on Crowe.

‘’Hello, LEVIACHAN, what would you like to be turned into a cat?’’ Crowe responded, your giddy smile growing with the thought of the brothers getting their justified punishment, right up until you heard Satan calling your name out- ‘’Shit! Did Crowe hear that?’’

‘’Understood, autopay is enabled, beginning transaction soon.’’ You let out a loud groan, mentally cursing Satan for opening his mouth the second you decide to use something as sensitive as Crowe. Fuck!

‘’MC! Were sorry! Can we talk..please?’’ Satan yelled from somewhere downstairs, his voice getting louder- signaling his ascent up towards your room- ‘’Payment confirmed, LEVIACHAN, thank you for using Crowe’s Digital Transformation System. . . . . . A bright white flash quickly illuminates the room, both blinding you and ripping a poorly-hidden scream from your throat, before dissipating and alerting your unwanted guest. . . . As much as you loved Satan, you were SO going to kick his ass the second you got your body back, no! You were GOING to kick his ass as soon as he walked in! Wait, you could do it in the hallway too! Even better.

If only you could reach the door that was taunting you about your new, fuzzy, form.

Well, shit. Now not only were you stuck in this cat form, but your entire revenge plan also went straight out the window- I mean there wasn't jack your minuscule ass was going to be doing to a 6’1 demon who LOVED cats. You might as well just go ahead and call it quits, because this would be your unfortunate new life.

And just as you were sulking, deciding on what cat food you would have to set as your worst-case scenario- O-Great-Lord-O-Cats waltzes into your room, looking somewhat distressed as he frantically looked around for your (human) body, only for his greenish-yellow eyes falling on your adorable cat form- ‘’Oh! Where did you come from, little one? And how did you get inside?’’ Satan asked you, his large hands picking you up and holding you, one hand lifting up to pet your soft fur and eventually scratching behind your ear- but not before swiping a

‘’Never mind that, you must be hungry.. And angry at that..’’ He looked at you with a saddened face, seemingly to completely have forgotten about the very much HUMAN scream that came from your room, and that flashbang of a transformation that he had to have seen- my god, you really didn't think that Satan wanted you gone that much for him to overlook that gigantic red flag.

You wondered if someone were to wave a 50ft red flag in front of his face would he still just ignore it to care for a cat.. Probably so knowing him.

And to your shock, all the rest of the brothers were sitting at the dinner table eating, before they watched Satan walk into the room with yet another cat, before turning back to finish whatever they were doing at the table- I mean it was already confusing that Satan didn't say anything about the recent events, but for all seven brothers to not even spare a cough or a sniffle when your scream rang out and Satan came down with a CAT and not YOU.

‘’What for dinner.’’ Satan asked nonchalantly, setting you down on the dinner table, to which you stared at him with a confused look- ‘’Devildom Stir-fry with Toxic Chameleon’’ someone from behind you said, your furry face now scrunched up in contemplation- ‘’there is no way in hell they served a dish that only demons could eat, did I give them all brain damage? no.. no. did they forget me?’’ You thought to yourself, being so lost in thought that you didn't hear Satan excusing himself from the table to ‘’go get something’’, or really to notice the disappointed sighs of the brothers around you.

You felt a pair of warm, slender hands pick you up and carry you to a nearby seat, setting you down on their lap and petting your fur softly, and as you looked up- you saw Asmo pouting above you.

‘’You know, I feel sooooo bad for making our sweet MC angry… dinners so boring without them.’’ Asmo sighed, picking aimlessly at his plate after he passed you to Belphie- ‘’Agreed, I didn't think they would take it so seriously’’ Belphie hummed before turning you into his personal pillow, smooshing his face inside of your soft fur.

‘’I believe Lucifer told you to at least warn MC that they would be getting wet, right Mammon?’’ Levi retorted at the now worried Mammon who just responded with ‘’Y’know, who tells a person to change clothes because they are going to be getting wet in the dining room, huh?!’’ he pointed his fork towards Levi who scoffed,’’ YOU, Mammon! Are you seriously that dim-witted to not warn someone about a water fight?’’ he glared right back at the elder sibling- searching his pockets for his DDD.

‘’Either way, MC doesn't want to speak with us, they even hid in their room when I came to find them.’’ Satan responded, his tone slowly going more upbeat as he saw you desperately trying to claw your way from underneath Belphie- who awoke with some ‘’gentle’’ persuasion from Satan.

Belphie’s chair quickly tumbles to the ground, with him flying to the floor with it -’’ Y’know, you DIDN’T have to shove me out of the chair! Evil bastard!’’- ‘’tough luck, I need to put this collar on Satan’s Angry Kitty, and you're in the way!’’ Satan shrugged at Belphie, picking you up and returning you back to his seat at the dinner table.

Hold on a minute, he said a-what-now?

‘’Woah woah woah! Slow down! Did you just say you need to put a collar on that CAT who’s name is Satan’s Angry Kitty? Belphie pulled himself up off the floor, looking at Satan with a questionable look on his face ‘’Thats such a cringy name lool’’ Levi giggled to himself as he watched you desperately try to run away from Satan’s hands- ‘’Even the cat thinks the name is weird LMAO’’

Who in their right fucking mind names a cat that? I have to stop picking the freaklicious men to crush on- because this is just plain ridiculous!

‘’What a kinky name for a cat, Satan!’’ Asmo said in a sing-song tone, his smirk never faltering.

‘’Of course, I named the cat that- they remind me of MC, and it would be weird to name a cat that randomly appeared in MC’s room after them, no?’’ Satan laughed, covering your claws with his thumbs- ‘’Oi! What makes you think that the cat belongs to YOU? If anything I say I should get to name the cat! I was MC’s first man after all!’’ Mammon leaped from his seat pointing the finger at Satan and quickly pointing his finger at everyone else at the table.

‘’You would KILL that poor furry feline with your incompetence! I think that I, Asmo, should take care of them! At least they wouldn't end up being sold off to those witches you are so fond of!’’ Asmo put a hand on his chest, smugly making a comment towards Mammon, only to be cut off by Belphie- ‘’Nuh-uh! No way in HELL should an animal be left in your care! You're too self-absorbed to even give a second thought about it! Leave it in the care of ME and BEEL.’’

‘’And you're so sure that you could take care of it huh?! Beel would eat the poor thing as a midnight snack and your napping gramps ass wouldn't even know until a week later!’’

‘’Loool you guys are so pathetic, clearly the otaku could take care of a simple cat- unlike the rest of you normies!’’

‘’Oh COME ON! Your an OTAKU for fucks sake! You’d be too busy busting it to your figurines and those games your always playing to even notice if the cat got eaten by Henry!’’

‘’Who are you calling pathetic?! I was the first one to discover the cat, so I get naming privileges! All the rest of you clingy fucks can suck it!’’

‘’You all are being childish, none of you are even competent enough to care for this feline- so just go ahead and give it to me!’’

‘’SHUT THE HELL UP LUCIFER!’’

. . . . . . . .

It took a lot more arguing, flipped tables and chairs, plates, forks, food, and YOURSELF, being flung around the room before you were finally able to get Satan to calm down and pay attention to you- ‘’HURRRRRAAAAAUG- oh! Satan’s Angry Kitty! You seem like you want my attention.. You want my attention don’t ya? Awwwwwh! You really are just too cute!’’ He cooed at you whilst holding you in his arms before retreating to his room and setting you down on his bed.

I mean, seeing him in his demon form was really interesting since he seemed to get even dreamier when he was being nice in said form- and it was even better that he was lying down on his back and holding you up in the air, still cooing at you about how cute you were- ‘’you know, MC was planning on taking me on a secret date to this place in the human world called ‘’Istanbul’’..’’ ‘’Meow meow meow!’’ ( Damn it! You just had to look through my notebook!’’)

‘’I mean, I was planning on asking them out on a library date, I was really worried if they weren't going to feel the same about me, but thanks to you sitting right next to that notebook I got to know that they do like me back! What a helpful kitty you are!’’ He booped your small button nose, to which you tried to reciprocate the action by booping him back, but failed.

Now, it was only a matter of time before Satan swiped that planner of yours- it DID have the title as ‘’Satan X Me (heart heart heart)’’ but even then you did it as a funny haha joke, and now its come back to bite you in the ass. Dammit.

Unfortunately, he sat you back down on the bed and got up to go retrieve a book from one of his shelves, coming back and fully laying down on his bed with you resting on his chest.

You curled up into a ball on top of him, placing yourself where you could read the book with him, peacefully enjoying the steady beat of his heart, and his soothing breathing- ‘’How much longer do you want to stay as my little angry kitty, hm, MC?’’

Wait what?

He laughed, ‘’Don't act coy with me MC, I've already known that you were transformed into a cat. So, let me ask you again; how much longer do you want to stay as Satan’s Angry Kitty?’’ he narrowed his eyes as he spoke, watching your bewildered expression. (really he was watching your ears)

GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!

And did Jesus come to save you he did, having all six of his brothers burst into the room- teasing you about being Satan’s Little Kitten- and a mix of ‘’APRIL FOOLS’’ having you make a hasty retreat for the door, a mad dash to the dorms where Solomon was- because staying in that house another SECOND would have had you dead on the spot.

‘’Meow meow meow meow, meow meow.’’ (so yeah, here we are. I would have done anything to be in my human form when he told me that! Do you know how hot it was to be called his kitty whilst he was in his demon form AND laying on his chest?! Do you, Solomon?!) You meowed at the sorcerer, who laughed again- ‘’and now your just being thirsty for him, classic you.’’ Solomon responded flashing his bright smile at you.

‘’Meow meow meow..’’ (coming from the fruitastic maestro sitting in front of me I take that as a compliment.)

‘’Would you like for me to turn you back now? You know, so you can continue salivating at the mouth over Satan?

‘’Meow!’’ (yes!)

Solomon giggled at your enthusiastic response before he turned you back into the human- ''It's a wonder that he hasn't shown up here to come and get you-'' and he was swiftly cut off with a suspicious knock at the door to which you answered it… and it was Satan, holding a beautiful bouquet of your favorite colored flower, a giddy smile on his face, and a small ginger cat perched on top of his shoulder- ‘’Heard you had an interest for me, Kitt-’’

‘’let me stop you right there buddy, we need to sit down and have a talk about this nickname situation!’’ You giggled at the somewhat taller male who laughed right with you as he lowered his shoulder so you could grab the cat that was on it.

‘’Where do you keep on finding all these cats?’’ ‘’I don't know, I'm just a cat attractor, you know this already, hun.’’

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A/N: This was just wow. somehow this beat my diavolo x reader fic with a 1500 word difference.. atp every fic I write gets LONGER.. smh

Ngl this one drained me, so OMNB(+SWD) headcannons r next, so if you enjoyed this fic please like and drop a suggestion for the headcannons! oh yeah, and thank you to everyone who enjoyed my DXR fic! i really, really, appreciate it!! :)

Bizmuth 24' | Biz's Workshop

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