#what if there is a closure for anyone to accept his death

[tiny-breadcrumbs]

Farewell kiss

[yohanseyebrowmole]

Indelible | Jacaerys Velaryon

(adj. impossible to erase or forget)

Pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x fem!reader

Sum: Jacaerys realises he should have listened to you and told everyone about the two of you too late...

Or was it too late?

or in which

Jacaerys breaks up with you two years after secretly dating you, and you get wind of his potential engagement to your cousin the heir to your family's company.

Word count: 3,692 (give or take:/ I edited it and wasn't bothered to recheck the wc)

Warnings: idk nothing much. I tried to avoid using y/n but ended up using it like thrice (I think)

a/n: Reader's mother is the second child of a huge businessman and took on her husband's name upon marriage, but has business ties (her maiden name is Dayne but its not a big deal). Reader's father is a well-respected lawyer but it's not relevant. Jace is heir to the Targaryen family business. He's a little slow and doesn't connect dots until later on lol.

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☆ Loving Jacaerys Velaryon was easy.

Keeping the fact that you loved him a secret was the hard part.

Two years.

For two years, you loved Jacaerys, and now you are hearing that his family was actively trying to set him up with your cousin.

What’s worse is that it makes perfect sense for them to get together.

Jacaerys is set to inherit the family company from his mother and your cousin is set to inherit your family's company from your uncle.

Why did he want to keep your relationship a secret in the first place? You didn't know, but you respected his decision nonetheless.

But two years of not being able to tell anyone?

You wanted to tell your parents and your older brother, you wanted to gossip with said cousin about your relationship, but Jace remained steadfast in his decision not to tell anyone.

He probably got fed up with you asking to become public and broke up with you, at least that was what you originally thought.

Two years of dates and I love you's gone just like that, all because Jace wanted to keep your relationship a secret and you were tired of not being able to tell anyone.

You had no interest in your mother's family company to be honest. No care for business or the likes, your interest is and will always lay within anthropology.

You loved it.

It was the perfect balance of history, science and mystery and everyone who knew you knew how much you loved a good mystery.

You loved the drama and the slight chaos whenever you got called in, and they say they found a body and having to find out what happened to it.

What was their story? What were they like? What was their life like? How did they end up like this?

Sometimes, it was a simple burial. Sometimes, it was an accidental death.

The murders were always the most interesting.

Of course, as an intern, you were usually not always assigned to the murder cases, but you always accepted any that came your way.

You loved the hunt, your curiosity always getting the best of you and the sense of relief, pride and justice that filled you once you found the identity of who was lying in front of you and who was responsible for it was always worth it.

You loved finding clues that helped catch the one responsible for the person's death, and being able to give families closure after their loved ones went missing was rewarding to you.

Yes, it was confronting and disgusting at times like the time a body was found at the landfill and you had to sift through weeks of rubbish to find missing bones (you were sure you would never be able to smell anything other than rotten food ever again) but you loved it regardless.

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You were once again sitting in the library at your corner.

It was one of your favourite spots on campus.

The window provided a perfect distraction when she needed a little break from her work. It was far enough from the other tables that no one bothered her but close enough that she could watch people go about their day when she was bored.

The shelfs also obscured their line of view of the table giving you privacy was always an added bonus. 

“Having fun, pretty girl?”

You blink, shifting your gaze away from the window where you had been watching what seemed to be a very heated fight between a couple. You smile at your boyfriend. 

“Hey,” You said. “You're here earlier than normal.”

Jace sits down next to you, letting his bag drop from his shoulder onto the floor.

“Finished early.”

“You look tired,” you said, taking note of the light dark circles under his eyes. 

“Cause I am,” Jace groans, leaning into you. He practically shoves his face into the crook of your neck.

You shift sideways so he can rest his head comfortably and run your hand through his hair gently undoing any notes made from the wind outside.

“You should go home and sleep if you're tired, Jace.”

“Don’t wanna,” Jacaerys responds, not bothering to move his head from the crook of your neck. “Just wanna be here with you.”

You can’t help the upward tug of your lips.

“Careful Velaryon, someone might assume that you're obsessed with me.”

Jace huffs out a laugh, finally lifting his head and sitting back. 

“They would assume correctly. What are you doing later?”

“I don’t know,” You shrug. “But it seems like you know what I’m going to do.”

Jace grins, grabbing his bag from the floor and digging around it before pulling out two tickets. “You are going to go visit that new exhibit at the museum with me.”

“You got tickets?" You can't hide your excitement. "How? I tried getting them for weeks but they were sold out, I even asked mum if she could pull some strings.”

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Jace smiles. "You were going to ask your mum to get you tickets?"

You shrug lightly, grabbing the tickets from him, inspecting them before you all but throw yourself at him, hugging him. You pull away but grab one of his hands intertwining your fingers with his. 

Jace nods along to your random facts about Egyptian history as he watches your eyes light up as you giggle and ramble on about the exhibit, squeezing your hand, bringing it up to his lip and kissing the back of it. 

You barely react to the affection, already gotten used to the gestures and continue talking about Ramesses the great and his military accomplishments.

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Your first thought was that it was your fault.

Clearly, you must have done something wrong for Jace to break up with you.

You rack your brains for weeks afterwards to try and figure out what you've done wrong, but as you sit there in your little corner of the library, you realise you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

So then you wonder, why would he break up with you?

Was it because you brought up the fact of a public relationship more often than not these days? Did he suddenly think you weren’t pretty enough? Or were you and your random rants now annoying to him?

The tip of the pencil you had been using to draw snaps.

You thought it would be easy to get over him. After all no one knew you two were together so you weren't getting constant pity glances.

Turns out it was harder. Way harder.

You didn't have anyone to rant to, no one to lean on or cry to and you were practically at the end of your patience, about to call your brother and spill everything to him when you heard someone call your name.

"Oh my god finally!"

You turn only to be met with your best friend Baela, who coincidentally was also Jace's cousin. You smile at her, forcing yourself to push your previous thoughts to the back of your mind.

"What's got you so excited?" You ask her.

She plops down on the seat next to you.

“Why are you so hard to find?”

You laugh. “I’m always here Baela. You know that.”

She rolls her hands before leaning forward. You notice the glint in her eyes. Mischief. Her eyes were basically the same as Jace’s aside from the colour difference.

“It’s Jace,” she said. “Mum told me that Aunt Rhae was trying to set him up with Elise Dayne.”

You freeze slightly. “What?”

“I know! I was shocked as well!” Baela smiles, not realising the bombshell she had just dropped on you. 

“Elise Dayne?”

Baela nods and rambles on about how she had seen Elise and Jace on a date the other day and how cute they had looked together. You smile and nod along but all you can think about was this was why he broke up with you.

Baela leaves to go to class but only after after telling you everything.

She leaves and you sit there for what felt like hours trying to wrap your head around what she had told you.

Jacaerys had broken up with you only to get together with your cousin. 

You gather your things and walk to your car.

With your hands on the wheel you scream before you start laughing.

The laugh turns into choked out sobs as you let yourself cry for the first time since Jace left you.

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Seeing Jacaerys walk into your family home with his family had not been in your plans for tonight.

Frankly, if you had known this very important and must not miss family meeting was to officially announce his engagement to your cousin, you would have accepted that case on the unknown skeleton they found last week or gotten your professors to make something up so you could have an excuse not to turn up.

Instead, here you are, forced to stand and watch Jace smile and greet your cousin and her parents. 

You stand in a corner next to your brother, tongue poking the inside of your cheek in slight annoyance.

You can tell the exact moment Jacaerys notices your presence. 

You send him an overly sweet smile and watch him falter, confusion and something else flashing in his eyes before he blinks and puts his mask back up, turning and shaking your mother’s hand.

He had always been good at that, pretending that nothing was bothering him.

Your mother smiles and turns to you and your brother. Your brother nudges you, and you quickly plaster a pleasant smile on your face.

“This is my daughter and my oldest.”

Your brother shakes Jace’s hand and introduces him. Jacaerys turns his attention to you. 

“Hi,” you smile, reaching out and shaking his hand. “Y/n. Pleasure to meet you.”

You watch him gulp, smile and greet you back.

You keep your distance and stay quiet the entire time the two families eat. You know your brother has noticed because he keeps sending you odd looks, but you brush them off, not bothering to pay him any mind or explain your current predicament to him.

What does bother you is Jace.

He keeps looking over at you, most of the time it’s short glances but sometimes you can feel his gaze boring into the side of your head as you answer the questions his brothers, Lucerys and Joffery ask about your degree, his mother occasionally asking a few of her own.

You make sure to keep your answers brief. Your degree was hardly dinner conversation, and you didn't want anyone's dinner resurfacing in any way.

You make sure to turn to him and give him a smile. He snaps out of his daze every time, blinking a couple of times before tuning back into whatever your cousin was talking about.

At some point in the night, you get up, telling your brother you needed to get something from your room.

You don’t notice Jace’s eyes following you as you walk away, and you sure as hell don’t hear him excuse himself to go to the bathroom.

You startle slightly as you feel someone grab your wrist. You don’t even need to turn around to realise who it was.

The soft scent of sandalwood tells you enough.

“What are you doing?” you hiss under your breath, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one had seen the both of you before pulling him into your room. 

Jace looks around, taking in his surroundings.

He can’t really help it. It was the first time he had been in your room. He notices the photo wall full of polaroids you told him about making and the string of fairy lights you had bought together after convincing him to go shopping together. 

“I didn’t know you were related to her,” Jace said.

“I told you who my mother was,” you scoff. “It was pretty fucking obvious Jace.”

Neither of you notice the person standing by the door, listening in on the conversation through the slight crack.

“Well you could have straight up told me,” Jace argues.

“You're arguing with me because I didn’t give you my mother’s government name? Are you serious? I told you her name, where she worked and what she did. I even told you she was helping coordinate that joint event with your mother! I couldn’t have been more obvious, it’s not my fault you couldn’t put two and two together!”

Jace opens and closes his mouth. It's not like she was wrong.

“This,” you whisper. “This is why you broke up with me? If you had known, would you have stayed? Would you have let me tell everyone that we dated?”

Jace winces at your harsh tone but otherwise stays silent, giving you your answer. 

“I can’t believe you.”

“You think I wanted this?” Jace said. “You think I knew my parents were gonna set me up with her?”

“Clearly you did since you refused to tell anyone about us.”

“That’s not -”

“Don’t,” you cut him off. “Just don’t.”

You sigh and shake your head.

“You need to go. Leave first, and then I can follow after a couple of minutes.”

Jace grabs your hand before you can push him towards the door. “Wait, just -”

“You need to go,” you repeat. “If you haven’t noticed your fiancé-to-be is down the hall along with the rest of my family and we both have better things to do then stand here and argue over a topic we already know our stance on. Also, I have somewhere I need to be.”

With that, you pull your hand away from his and walk away. He follows you into the hallway, hears you say bye to your family, and watches you turn to leave.

Fuck.

How was he going to fix this?

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Looking back on it, Jacaerys really didn't know how he didn't put two and two together.

He had met your mother on numerous occasions considering that she worked with his mother for joint events and whatnot.

You were practically a carbon copy of your mother as well. 

The hair, the eyes, the intellect. Everything about you screamed Dayne and his stupid brain couldn’t piece together the fact that you were related. 

How the fuck did he not know?

All those times when you had told him your mother was away on business and he had commented that his mother was gone as well. 

He groans, running a hand down his face. 

Rhaenyra, who had been standing by the doorway for the past five minutes watching her son have what looked like a mental breakdown, finally decides to make her presence known.

It was time to talk some sense into her son.

“Jace.”

“Mother.”

“Can I come in?” His mother asks. 

Jace nods and she walks into the room.

“Want to tell me what’s on your mind?” she questions. “Luke is complaining about your constant groans.”

Jace normally would have laughed but all he can do is sigh. 

“What’s wrong, Jace?” his mother asks again.

“I messed up,” Jace mutters. “Really bad, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

His mother nods, walking forward and sits beside him on the bed. 

“Why don’t you tell me everything so I can help?”

Jace looks at her, hesitates for a moment before the flood gates open, and he tells her everything. 

He tells her about how you two met, about your first date, about how he wanted to keep your relationship a secret, and you had been okay with that for a while.

He tells her how he broke up with you because she wanted him to get together with your cousin. 

He doesn’t leave anything out, and his mother just sits and listens to everything. 

When he’s done she stays quiet.

“Jace,” she asks softly. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Jace forces himself to hold back the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t -” he shakes his head. “I was afraid that you wouldn’t approve, and I didn’t want to lose her, but I guess it’s too late for that now.”

Rhaenyra reaches out and holds his hands. 

“If I had known you loved someone like that,” she said. “I wouldn’t have set you up. I would never deny you your happiness. Even if she wasn’t what I envisioned for you, I wouldn’t have made you leave her, Jacaerys.”

His bottom lip wobbles. “What do I do now?”

Rhaenyra smiles and whips away a stray tear from his cheek.

“Jace?”

He hums.

“Do you like her?”

“What?”

“Do you like her?”

“I love her,” Jace said. “A lot.”

His mother smiles. “Then what are you doing here?”

He stays quiet, blinking at his mother.

“If you love her, why aren’t you with her?” His mother said. “Go get her back, Jace. If you love her, fight for her.”

Jacaerys stands up quickly and nods. He grabs a jacket from his chair and is gone the next second.

Rhaenyra watches him leave shaking her head with a soft smile.

That foolish boy.

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You were on campus, specifically at the building where your professors kept the unidentified bodies that had been sent over after being found.

You weren't allowed to have phones near the workstations or the bodies and even if you were you would have never bothered to bring it up with you.

Who in their right mind wants to touch their phone with people juice on their hands, regardless of whether or not you were wearing gloves?

Not to mention that you would have kept having to change your gloves as well, and that would do your head in. 

Your phone was in your bag, which in turn was in your personal locker outside, which meant you had no idea that Jacaerys had been trying to get a hold of you for the past hour.

You had no idea that he was calling you or texting you to ask for your whereabouts. 

Luckily for him, you were slightly predictable. 

You had just finished writing down your notes for the Jane Doe in front of you and making sure her bones were locked away and secure. 

You swiped your student card into the security slot, and the doors outside opened. Smiling and waving to the security guards stationed outside the lab, you grabbed your bag from the the opposite wall, holding the lockers.

You push open the door and stop short.

It was raining, because of course it was. 

You put your notes in your bag and started walking to your car, which was conveniently parked at the far end of the parking lot. 

You had been too busy re-reading and protecting your over your notes while speed-walking to your car to realise that Jacaerys had been waiting outside waiting for you.

You couldn’t hear him call your name over the sound of the rain.

When the rain suddenly stops falling on you, you look up only to be met with the slight of an umbrella. 

You turn confused and are met with a panting Jacaerys.

“You walk really fast,” he said, slightly bent over as he caught his breath.

You just stare at him. “What are you doing here?”

He stands up straighter. 

“Uh, I came to apologise.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Jace said. “For everything. I’m sorry for being stupid and not putting two and two together. For keeping us a secret and breaking up with you. I’m sorry.”

“Where is this coming from?” you question.

“I came to a realisation,” Jace answered. “I can’t live without you.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Is that right?”

“I hate the fact that we aren’t together anymore. I hate the fact that I didn’t tell anybody we were together,” Jace said. “I hate being away with you. I hate not being with you. I hate not being able to hold and tell you I love you every day. I’ll do better this time. I swear it.”

“Careful Velaryon,” you say, stepping forward. “People could assume you are obsessed with me.”

Jace’s lips tug upwards, and he nods, closing the gap between the two of you completely, leaning down.

“They would assume correctly.” 

The world around the two of you fades into the background as he leans forward, his lips brushing against yours. 

The air around the both of you seemed to warm. You don’t know who leans in first, and you don’t care. 

All you cared about was the fact that Jacaerys was kissing you again. That he was yours again.

Your eyes flutter close as your lips meet, and the umbrella protecting the two of you from the rain drops to the floor as he pulls you closer.

You don’t register that you drop your bag to hold onto his collar and pull him even closer. 

You could have sworn lighting flashed through the sky as your lips met, but maybe that was you imagining things. You had almost forgotten what it felt like to kiss him. 

Those sparks when your lips touched his, that feeling of something more.

Of something real.

Your heart skips a beat

“You know you’re stuck with me forever now right?” Jace said as he pulled away smiling.

You laugh and Jace sees that familiar sparkle of light in your eyes. The ones that remind him of stars.

“I think it’s you that’s stuck with me.”

He grins leaning in to kiss you again. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” you smile into the kiss.

A particularly cold and harsh gust of wind coupled with the booming sound of thunder breaks the moment and you shiver.

Jace goes to pick up the umbrella that had fallen. Luckily, the wind hadn't carried it too far off.

Your eyes follow him before they fall on your wet bag on the floor. The bag that had your notes. The bag that held the notes that you had been painstakingly working on for the past few hours. 

You scream, causing Jace to jump.

“You little shit! You made me drop my notes! I take it back! I hate you!”

Jacaerys laughs as you pick up your bag and hit him with it. He runs away as you chase him in the rain, cursing him out for letting you ruin your notes. 

You really wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Well, except maybe with dry notes. 

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Thank you to my bby girl @icarusignite for pre-reading this and thirsting over Jace to an almost unhealthy degree with me ily<3

Go read her fics or else (this may or may not be a threat)

Written by Yor <3

[rippedlovelines]

the merits of the twinyards learning to show their love for each other in slow stilted actions r a lot. for me. to me. little things. aaron buying andrew his favorite sweets because he remembers his picky eating tendencies; andrew throwing a blanket over aaron passed out in the living room after pulling an all-nighter. opening up more during their sessions w bee, angry accusations n cold statements melting into talking abt hurts n what shaped them growing up which becomes even conversation n learning abt each other more ( to bee’s not so small delight.)

the glares n perpetual scowls aaron once wore in andrew presence turn into smth more knowing n relaxed. he thinks one day he’ll be able to forgive andrew for tilda’s death; knowing the reasons behind it now, how andrew did it for his sake. (when he tells andrew that he thought he was going to die, during the days he was locked in that bathroom, his voice is raw. andrew’s face shutters. then, he says in what is possibly the closest thing to regret aaron has ever heard from andrew, “If I could make what you experienced during that time less painful, I would.” n really what’s done is done n there’s no going back, but aaron needed some sort of closure, smth, anything ! so he turns away n tries not to shake from all the emotions of what he’s feeling. andrew sits there n waits for him to return to normal.) andrew begins to make eye contact w aaron, he stops looking thru him—choosing to acknowledge his existence, instead. he sees how aaron is making an effort, clumsily attempting to prove that he isn’t letting andrew go, in spite of everything. (“ I’m not going anywhere. I hate you, but I’m still not going anywhere.” aaron says defiantly during one session where andrew said smth abt aaron going on his merry way after graduation. it shocks andrew. he stills suddenly n it’s v hard for him to look away from aaron’s blazing eyes. “Do what you like.” andrew replies stiffly. it’s acceptance n permission wrapped up in one.)

they learn how to mend the fragments of their broken past so they can both move forward. aaron releasing his resentment of andrew slowly but surely. andrew allowing himself to think of aaron as more than someone who will disappear one day, someone permanent in his life. they talk to each other !!! they meet up to do things—in complete silence sometimes, with small comments here n there in other times. after graduation, andrew goes to play on the east coast while aaron does med school elsewhere. it’s a big change. it’s difficult, often times. aaron will look next to himself with words on the tip of his tongue, then realize andrew is not around. andrew will look behind him as he traverses the streets of nyc, hand outstretched as tho to hold onto smth, a shirt perhaps, forgetting that aaron is not there.

But!!!

the two of them call each other once a year,month, week— the occurrences gradually becoming more n more frequent. 3 years pass by. andrew is in town for a game. afterwards, he meets up w aaron for a drink. it’s quiet. not uncomfortable. they take each other in n note how separation n time away has made the other different. aaron is in a good mood , hair shaved close down, face full, n nothing like the raggedy n hollowed boy andrew met years ago. aaron in turn observes how andrew’s eyes r half-lidded w smth one would call happiness if it were anyone else, but it’s js content for andrew; his arms tattooed beneath his armbands, n a looseness to his shoulders that aaron could not have ever believed andrew to posses once upon a time. after some small talk n a small congratulations from aaron for andrew’s team win, andrew slips a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket n shoves it at aaron, face blank. it’s a new team contract. it’s in the same city as aaron’s med school :) aaron decidedly does not smile, but sources say his lips quirked up a bit. they order cheesecake. everything is fine. they r brothers. they walk out together.

[ms-snape]

Hi, i see that request are open.

What if Severus survived the war but didn't tell anyone. He moved far away, to another country (maybe Italy). But at home, his wife was waiting for him and she was his biggest support during the war. She refused to believe he is dead. And a few years later she would find out by accident when she bumped into him on the street hand in hand with someone else. Lots of angst. I mean….. lots of angst. 🙂

Title: Moving On

Request: Finally a request I've been waiting for one for like days.... REQUESTS ARE OPENED

Summary: I don't think I can give a better summary than the request so...

Warning: angst.... sad ending...

Word Count: 2305

Masterlist

---

In the heart of Italy, where the sun-drenched landscapes mingled with the whisper of ancient cobblestone streets, YN felt a certain heaviness. It was a weight she carried not just in her suitcase, filled with clothes and hopes for a brighter future, but in her heart, where the memory of Severus Snape lingered like a ghost. The world believed him dead, a casualty of a war that had torn apart the very fabric of their lives, but YN had never accepted that finality. She could not bring herself to mourn him as everyone else had; instead, she clung to the thread of hope that wove through her despair.

YN had been broken when the news of his death reached her—a jagged dagger that pierced her soul and left her hollow. The days that followed were a blur of grief and longing. She had wandered through her life like a specter, lost in the memories of their time together, each moment spent with Severus replaying in her mind like a shattered record. She remembered his quiet intensity, the way his dark eyes would soften when he looked at her, the sound of his voice as he spoke of potions and spells, of love and loss. It was as if he had taken a part of her with him when he vanished from the world.

Ella, her best friend, had insisted on this trip—an attempt to pull YN from the depths of her sorrow. They ventured to the quaint coastal town of Positano, with its colorful cliffside houses and azure waters, where laughter echoed around them like a distant memory. But even in the midst of beauty, YN felt numb. The sun could not warm the chill that resided in her heart. Every breathtaking view of the Italian coast felt tainted by the absence of the one person she could not forget.

As Ella tried to engage YN in conversation, pointing out the charm of the local markets and the deliciousness of the gelato, YN’s mind drifted elsewhere. She found herself staring out at the sea, imagining it was Severus standing there, his silhouette framed against the horizon, waiting for her to join him. The thought was both comforting and torturous, a bittersweet reminder of love that once was.

“YN, you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Ella said one evening as they sat on a balcony overlooking the sunset. “You need to let him go. It’s been years.He's gone and you need to accept it”

But how could she? How could she dismiss the love they had shared, the promises whispered in the dark? Each time YN closed her eyes, she could see Severus—his furrowed brow, the way his lips curled into a half-smile when she teased him. The memories were too vivid, too real. They were the only thing that anchored her to the world, the only thing that kept the shadows at bay.

The days passed, and YN felt the ache in her heart deepen. She wandered through the streets of Positano, searching for something she could not name. Perhaps it was closure, or maybe just a sign that Severus was still alive. She explored the narrow alleys, the vibrant shops, and the azure beaches, all while carrying the weight of her unyielding hope.

Then, on a seemingly ordinary afternoon, everything changed. YN had taken to wandering alone, her heart heavy with the memories that haunted her. She meandered through the bustling market square, the colors and sounds swirling around her like a kaleidoscope of life. She paused by a stall selling handmade jewelry, absentmindedly running her fingers over the delicate pieces. The sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a golden hue over everything, and for a moment, she allowed herself to breathe.

But then, as she turned to leave the stall, she collided with someone. The force of the impact sent her stumbling back, and she looked up, ready to apologize to the stranger. But then time seemed to freeze. There, standing before her, was Severus Snape—alive, breathing, and somehow more real than the memories she had clung to for so long.

Her heart raced, a wild tempest of disbelief and hope. But as her eyes traveled down to his hand, the world shattered around her. He was holding the hand of another woman—a stunning brunette with an easy smile and laughter that danced in the air between them. YN felt her heart plummet, the fragile thread of hope she had carried for years snapping in an instant.

Severus looked at her, confusion etched across his features. The moment stretched, the bustling market fading into silence. YN’s breath hitched in her throat, a mix of joy and agony tearing her apart. She wanted to rush into his arms, to feel his warmth envelop her again, but the sight of the other woman kept her rooted to the spot, paralyzed by the pain of betrayal.

“Severus?” The word slipped from her lips like a prayer, a desperate plea for him to explain, to make sense of the scene before her.

The smile faded from his face, replaced by a flicker of guilt. “YN… I—”

But she couldn’t hear him. The world felt as if it were collapsing around her. She had spent years believing he was dead, clinging to the hope that he would one day return to her, and now here he was, a living ghost of her past, with another woman at his side. The anger bubbled within her, mingling with the heartbreak that consumed her.

“Is this why you never came back?” YN’s voice trembled, laced with a hurt that cut deeper than any spell. “You were alive all this time and didn't even come back to me, you wife? Did you choose to leave me behind?”

Severus’s eyes darkened with regret, but YN couldn’t bear to see it. The anguish she felt was all-consuming, a tidal wave of emotions crashing against the fragile dam she had built around her heart. “I waited for you, Severus. I never stopped believing you were out there, that you would come back to me. And now… this?”

“YN, please, it’s not what you think,” he said, stepping toward her, but she recoiled, the distance between them stretching like an unbridgeable chasm.

“Not what I think?” The bitterness in her voice cut through the air, sharp and biting. “You were supposed to be dead! I mourned you! I grieved for the life we could have had, for the love we shared. And now you’re here, holding her hand like I never existed?”

The woman beside him looked between them, confusion evident in her eyes, but YN couldn’t spare her a glance. Her world had narrowed to just Severus, the man she had loved with every fiber of her being, the man who had shattered her heart without a word.

“YN, I had my reasons—”

“Reasons?” She interrupted, her anger boiling over. “Was it worth it? Was it worth leaving me in the dark while you built a new life without me? I thought you loved me.”

“I did love you!” Severus’s voice rose, desperation lacing his words. “And I never stopped loving you or thinking about you, but I had to survive. The war… it changed everything. I thought you were safe, that you could move on without me.”

“Move on?” YN’s laugh was hollow, devoid of humor. “You think I could just forget? You think I could just pretend that you didn’t mean the world to me? You left me with nothing but the ghosts of what we could have been, and now you stand here, alive, with someone else?”

The bitterness spilled from her lips, a torrent of pain that had been building for years. She felt raw and exposed, like a wound that had never healed, and now it was laid bare for him to see. The anguish in her heart felt like a physical weight, pressing down on her chest, suffocating her.

Severus’s expression twisted with regret, his dark eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you’d be better off without me. I thought I was protecting you.”

“Protecting me?” YN’s voice cracked, the pain evident in every syllable. “You didn’t protect me; you abandoned me. I was left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart while you… you moved on.You found someone else...”

The silence that followed was deafening. Around them, the world continued to buzz with life—laughter, music, the distant sound of waves crashing against the shore—but for YN, everything had come to a standstill. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a precipice, staring down into an abyss of despair.

“I thought you were dead,” she whispered, her voice barely audible above the noise. “I thought I had lost you forever.”

“And I thought you moved on,” Severus replied, his voice heavy with regret. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“But it did happen, Severus.” The tears she had held back for so long began to spill over, a torrent of grief and rage. “You’re here, with.... her, while I was left to drown in my sorrow. You can’t just waltz back into my life and expect me to forget the pain you caused.”

Severus’s expression faltered, a mixture of guilt and longing etched across his features. The woman beside him shifted uncomfortably, the weight of the moment pressing down on them. YN felt the heat of anger mixing with the chill of betrayal, a volatile concoction that threatened to consume her.

“I can’t change the past,” he said, his voice low, almost pleading. “But please, YN, don’t push me away. I still care for you. I always have.”

The words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken promises and memories that felt like a lifetime ago. YN looked at him, at the man she had loved fiercely, and felt the ache in her heart deepen. She wanted to believe him, to reach out and bridge the gap that had grown between them. But the reality was too painful, too raw.

“And what about her?” YN’s voice trembled, the bitterness creeping back in. “What am I supposed to do with that? You’ve built a life without me, Severus. It feels impossible to reconcile that with the love we once shared.”

“I never meant for any of this to happen,” he said, anguish etched in every line of his face. “I was lost, and I thought I was doing what was best for you and me.”

YN shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “You think abandoning me was what was best? You think I wanted to live in a world where you weren’t there? I was lost too, Severus. I was lost without you.We made a vow, we promised to laways be there for each other, but apparently it meant nothing to you”

The hurt between them was palpable, a chasm that felt insurmountable. YN’s heart ached with the weight of memories that threatened to drown her. She wanted to scream, to rage against the universe that had torn them apart, but all she could do was stand there, feeling the walls close in around her.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the cobblestones, YN felt the flicker of hope extinguish. The world around her was beautiful, but in that moment, it felt like a cruel joke. She had come to Italy seeking solace, but instead, she found herself face-to-face with the man who had become both her salvation and her tormentor.

“I can’t do this,” YN whispered, her voice breaking. “I can’t pretend that everything’s okay when it’s not. I loved you more than anything, but I have to let you go. I have to move on, even if it breaks me... I wish you a really happy life... perhaps better than the one you once had with me....”

With that, she turned away, an instinctive reaction to shield herself from the pain. She couldn’t bear to see him with her, the woman who had become the embodiment of all her fears. It felt like a betrayal—a cruel twist of fate that had stolen her love and replaced it with a bitter reminder of what she had lost.

As she walked away, the tears streamed down her face, each step feeling heavier than the last. The streets of Positano, once vibrant and full of life, felt suffocating, closing in around her as she retreated from the scene that had shattered her world anew.

Behind her, Severus called her name, desperation lacing his voice, but YN didn’t look back. She couldn’t. She had given him everything, only to be left with nothing but the echoes of what once was. The colors of Italy faded into a blur, and as she walked away from the man she had loved, she felt the weight of her heart breaking all over again.

As she reached the edge of the market, the sounds of laughter and joy faded away, replaced by the haunting silence that had become her constant companion. YN had come to Italy to escape her pain, to find a semblance of peace, but instead, she was reminded of the love she had lost and the life that would never be.

In that moment, as she stood alone in a foreign land, she realized that some shadows lingered long after the light had faded. And as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting the world into darkness, YN felt the weight of her despair settle heavily upon her shoulders, an unshakeable burden that would follow her wherever she went. She was lost, and the echoes of Severus Snape would forever haunt her heart, a bittersweet reminder of a love that had been both her greatest joy and her deepest sorrow.

[sennydays]

I dont think anyone is talking about Simons scene with Edwin in hell enough or at all for that matter.

Simon was only in hell not for his prank, but for his self hate and the fact he never forgave himself for what he did to Edwin. When Edwin found him he was at his peak of despair and hopelessness, he'd never meant to hurt Edwin or anyone he was simply frusterated with his feelings and hatred (not saying anything he did was right). However, Edwin gave him hope, letting him know he was forgiven by him and that he shouldn't be ashamed of who he is because if he gives in to despair everywhere will be hell, thus helping Simons forgive himself, and because of that his torment ended and Death came for him again, to take him to his heaven (I assume).

Showing that Hell is not a place one stays in once they are placed, but a place to repent and reflect. That sinners can be redeemed no matter their sin, as long as they forgive themselves. Because God and heavens whole thing is forgiveness.

I for one liked Simon's character because as a person who went through something such as internalized Homophobia and self hate. I understand what it's like to feel like you're destined for hell. I'm just glad he got over his own demons (with the help of Edwin) and found closure in accepting and forgiving himself.

[archer3-13]

I dont think there's ever actually any confirmation on what Rasa [fourth kazekages] relationship was like with his other children, cause thinking on it i dont remember any commentary from the other sand siblings on what their relationship was like with their dad.

certainly they don't seem too aggrieved that hes gone, but at the same time thats because originally the fourth kazekages death was a complete afterthought. relevant only in the sense it was an out from further suna konoha conflict, and by the time the sand siblings showed up again other things were more important/relevant to the story. when rasa showed up as an edo tensai could have presented that opportunity of learning what those relations were like, but rasa showing up again is solely for the gaara therapy hours so he can get some closure. in that moment rasa might as well not have had any other children and gaara might as well not have had any other siblings.

not that i think rasa being a shit dad to his other kids is unreasonable fanon [cause that is technically what it is with the main story being reluctant to comment any which way], as interesting as I find the man he is much like chiyo a cock, cause everyone in suna projects as much asshole energy outwards as possible. and his handling of gaara as a human being was deplorable, even if it also highlights the very real and unaddressed problems of the shinobi world and its values where human individuality, liberty and rights are sacrificed in the name of village prosperity and nation statehood [as opposed to just him being a cock].

but by that same token, I think all thats really confirmed about how he treated the other sand siblings is that he kept gaara forcibly separated from them. and if you separate gaara from the fandom woobification of him and think about it from the perspective of a military nation states leader it makes sense to keep your dangerous ticking timebomb unstable murder weapon away from the easily breakable children that represent the villages chances of future success. I'd almost call it good parenting even [bar that gaara is also his kid] to keep the children away from the unstable murder weapon that keeps accidentally maiming anyone it gets close to.

but i think a lot of that is kinda irrelevant to the actual discussion fandom seems interested in on this matter, because I don't think most people headcannon rasa as a bad father to temari and kankuro based on the patterns of his characters behaviour. I think most people do it out of this idea of "sand sibling solidarity". gaara's the baby woobie of the naruto fandom [its most widely accepted one anyways], and the sand sibling dynamic is a popular one. so its cathartic to blame any of their earlier problems/dysfunction and distaste for gaara on the big ol mean rasa/fourth kazekage.

and I think thats entirely too lame, cause it turns the sand siblings and their dynamic into temari and kankuro being gaaras generic yes men. a problem that does kinda intrinsically infect the original work mind, given that after the chunin exams the sand siblings disappear up until the sasuke retrieval missions ending at which point they're all suddenly buddy buddy with each other. but thats something that was a consequence of time and narrative flow, keeping the story focused and all. but fanfiction offers the opportunity to flesh these things out, and theres some real interesting ground in how the sand siblings transition from being completely fucking terrified [for fairly understandable and reasonable reasons] of gaara to being his pillars of support as kazekage following the [partial] failure of konoha crush. reducing it to rasa being the evil bad man who kept them separated when they actually wanted to be gaaras friends all along, is such a waste though.

anyways, feel free to crucify me now for being mean about the writing around the sand siblings.

[fuji-sen]

hi you don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it but i saw requests are open. for context my mom passed away in the hospital last night, she was really sick her liver stopped working and my brother and sister made the decision to pull everything and let her die peacefully since we were told there was no way she could be saved at this point and the only alternative was to just wait for her to go into cardiac arrest, when she died i cried really loudly for a really long time, it happened so fast she was only hospitalized for two nights and ever since it happened i've been having thoughts of not continuing in a world without her since i lived with her 24/7 and we did everything together, and xiao and capitano are my comfort characters so i was wondering if i could maybe request a one-shot with one of them comforting the reader after the loss of a loved one? again if you're not comfortable writing about that particular topic you don't have to

Comfort among kindred spirits

content warning: grieving over a loss loved one, death, grief, sadness, angst with fluff, gender neutral reader (you pronoun). either be modern au or in teyvat au, anything in ( ) means that you chose between either of the two, its related to either modern world or teyvat,

character: Xiao / Alatus (featuring Ganyu, Zhongli, Venti)

author's note: I'm sorry this was later than I wanted, and I'm sorry for your loss. I know this might not replicate what you are truly feeling right now, but I hope it comforts you even just a bit. I'm also sorry I couldn't do a oneshot, but I hope the length of these headcanons would be enough.

🍃 it felt so sudden, it wasn't something you could have ever prepared before. they did not die of old age or of natural causes, but they were in so much pain that the only thing that could be done was give them the release of death, a decision that slowly ruined you.

🍃 you felt numb, like a piece of your heart had been taken leaving you incomplete. you often find yourself spacing out, tears escaping your eyes. Sometimes you were in your bed, unable to find the strength to get up, and often times you were just on the ground in front of the tombstone that had the name of your loved one.

🍃 you felt lose, not knowing how to carry on with your daily routines without them, with the knowledge that they wouldn't be their for you, physically at least.

🍃 your feelings began to grow worse as thoughts of leaving the world you inhabit began to fester, your eyes would stray towards the kitchen knife, or (maybe the passing vehicles or the restless mobs).

🍃 ". . ." you stared into sharp golden eyes, no wait, they weren't as sharp as usual, they didn't carry the edge the last yaksha usually had, his eyes were not glaring daggers at anyone. instead they were soft, soft like honey, warm and sweet.

🍃 Xiao looked at you, a husk of who you were once were. You hadn't been taking care of yourself. He knew it, you knew it, everyone knew it. Your hair was messy, you were skinnier than before, you smelled, it broke his heart to see you like this, neglecting yourself and letting yourself wither away.

🍃 He knew that no amount of words could soothe the pain in your heart, it was something that you had to go through alone and come to accept. He was speaking from experience after all.

🍃 Even if he wanted to, he could not take away the pain, all he could do was support you and help you gain closure.

🍃 If you were your usual self, you'd probably be surprised to find Xiao moving into your home. He occupied the homy couch in the living room, and from then your routine changed.

🍃 you used to spend your days in bed or in front of their gravestone. you didn't bother with cooking or cleaning as usual, you walked aimlessly here to there, and there to here.

🍃 but Xiao changed that, the day after he moved in, you find yourself waking up to the smell of some delicious food and a clean home. The wet tissues were in the bin, the fridge was cleared of any spoiled foods and replaced with new groceries, groceries he didn't charged you for.

🍃 you rubbed your stomach that grumbled pathetically,, you licked your lips as you sat down at his guidance. That was the first home cooked meal you had for a long while, and it brought you to tears.

🍃 Xiao planned to help you get back on your feet, but he couldn't do everything. So he asked his friends and family for help, it was Ganyu who helped with bathing you, it was also her who helped with doing the laundry of your delicates.

🍃 He had even asked Zhongli for advice, the man after all was a pool of infinite wisdom. Xiao couldn't be too forceful, he had to let you grieve while also stopping you from neglecting yourself.

🍃 It was Xiao who grabbed your hand first, making you take a walk outside. it was aimless, no particular destination in mind, but he made stops along the way. He stopped by Dawn's (Winery/Cafe), making you take a seat as he ordered for the both of you.

🍃 when [ favorite drink ] and [ favorite pastry ] was placed in front of you, you felt your heart slowly beat once more.

🍃 he'd bring you to the park, near the Grand Cathedral of Mondstadt where in Venti was playing by the statue, the melodies he crafted soothed your aching soul.

🍃 slowly but surely you began to live once again, and you had xiao and your friends to thank for it.

you stood in front of their gravestone once more, but your eyes looked lighter, and your eyebags were lost prominent now. Your body was clean, and your soul was content. Your heart ached yes, but not as terribly as before.

you were going to be fine.

you felt his hand squeeze yours as you let out a shaky breath, "thank you. ."

you didn't have to say anymore words, he understood.

in response, his thumb caressed your knuckles in silence as you both paid respects.

[thecoolerliauditore]

pearl needs to run away from Scott. let him GO!!! I promise Pearl, i promise, he doesn't love you. he loves the idea of you. he loves who he thinks you should be. not the real you, not the one with flaws, not the one he traumatized and broke into a million little pieces and had to learn to pick herself back up again, with the help of the very few people who would help her bandaged hands sort through those glass shards. he wouldn't help you then!! he doesnt deserve you now!!!! please girl, LEAVE HIM!!!!

and look. I know she's loyal. I know she'll probably never leave, because she loves the idea of him too, not the person he really is. she loves the memory of her best friend from a past life, not the man who would hurt her and pretends its all her fault. but. BUT hear me OUT.

gems right there. gem, who she wanted to ally with so bad last season. gem who was excited to see her, who welcomed that broken piece of her with open arms and wasn't scared when she met the scarlet pearl. gem, that killed pearl twice, that pearl was still willing to fight a final time, in what would have likely been a third death for pearl. she can go to her. she can GET OUT!!! she can get help, she just has to take that first step. she has to leave herself, but there's someone there she wanted to be friends with last season so bad, she can take that step now!

the only thing holding her back is her own loyalty. she's a dog on a leash of loyalty and now Scott and cleo have the other end. it's just a matter of if she can chew through it to run away or if it'll strangle her first

HELLO anon this is the anon ask that made me lay face up in my bed staring at the ceiling listening to when she loved she from toy story 2 on repeat fyi (it slowly morphed into nonsense speaker the rachie cover specifically over time. always been a pearl song to me but it was a bit melodramatic before this point. if it gets worse i might have to. i might)

It sucks so much it literally it literally sucks. What you said about them both loving ideas of eachother is so on point, they're both chasing something within the other that is innately self-contradictory.

Pearl wants to forgive him, but her version of "forgive" is to forgo her own feelings of spite and not challenge his view on things, which means she can never get the closure she needs to truly forgive him or get back the Scott she knew in LL.

Scott also wants Pearl back, the authentic one he knew in LL, but he also needs to whittle her down (cough) to something acceptable to him (in this case, shamed for her actions during DL) so his narrative doesn't get challenged. But that's not quite the Pearl he knew either! He can't have both a genuine connection with Pearl and have her exist solely as the concept of her he's created in his head, but he needs both and I really can't wait to see how that pans out. This paragraph is insane copium btw I do know I think you're a lot more correct than I am when you say he never actually loved her but I'm delusional. Logical side of me definitely thinks he's comfortable like this and if anyone's going to challenge this dynamic it's gonna be Pearl not Scott but what if man. What if.

Anyway I've seen so many people begging Gem to take Pearl in and I do get it I do. I personally have like one million fantasies about something like that as well. However I am calling on my Martyn Inthelittlewood clause and saying that I also do want to see Pearl deal with the consequences.

I'm so happy you said that she needs to leave herself because goddamn yes she does!! If Gem just kidnaps her that's just taking away her growth! If she does fuck off and join Joel/Gem btw this will be like. an absolutely hilarious parallel to Last Life. Fairy Fort welcome back none of us missed you. Would be fitting for this season.

The collar/leash imagery is so messed up man thanks. Reminds me of this Scott/Cleo fanart I wanted to draw at one point where they're cosplaying as Denji/Makima but in that halloween costume way where they don't know the characters or the implications. Sorry just had to throw that in there.

[distant-velleity]

so since you guys seem to want it (at least 6 or so of you, i guess) here are my thoughts re: book 7

(rambling under the cut)

(do NOT circulate this post. this is my post and you guys will abide by my terms. fandom is a HOBBY for me and not a sport, so i'd like to enjoy it civilly and in peace. thank you)

i'm not going to get too deep into my thoughts regarding the dream because i have my own headcanons/deviating interpretations and i don't particularly care too much for the "righteousness" of canon in that regard-- after all, i have my own version of twst im making

rather the point of contention, for me, is malleus himself (and also lilia's role, and also the whole thing about happy endings)

because no one else at the moment is misusing their power to put everyone in a forever coma lol

maybe this is because malleus is the only character for whom i've never been around to see their post-ob flashback; we still have yet to receive it after... what, two years now--? and i've only been in the fandom for one year

and i don't have much emotional attachment to him outside of that

... regardless

i genuinely feel like this should go without saying, i heavily disagree with the ethics of malleus' methods-- using your magic to put people to sleep forever when you KNOW that you're one of the single most powerful mages in the world is wild. now i'm not going to ignore his reasons for doing it, and i love that it's giving closure to some of the characters (the OBers), but-- if anyone for even one second tries to tell me i should be praising him for abusing his power like that then. no thanks. love the end result, NOT the means.

i'm not gonna give malleus a pass for any of this even if he was socially isolated lol

basically what i'm trying to say is that malleus' whole making everyone go to sleep feels more like a "good intentions turned power trip" for me. and while i get why this kind of character would want that kind of control, you also don't see me praising azul for enslaving people w/ his contracts or whatever. you know. this is also on an even bigger scale, so come on man.

this man does not have the shoujo filter

tl;dr for that part: give me malleus post-ob flashback and my life (and compassion) is yours again

ANYWAY

as for this book's conclusion, i really only know one thing-- i sincerely, wholly, don't want lilia getting his magic back. i won't cry and scream if he does, i'll accept it and move on (and make sure tgtwst deviates from canon in that regard LMAO) but. i did talk about this once before on discord

the gist of it is, i want lilia to still be able to live a fulfilling life without magic. i hope he can stick around a little longer and make the most of what he has with his loved ones. i want him to actually be able to express fully that love now that his time is limited. i don't want him just. randomly dying, i still hope he's got quite a bit of time left, but if we somehow force a miracle onto him--

... isn't that... kind of defeating the whole point? malleus will never learn how to accept the loss that he caused this whole eternal slumber over, if lilia's life is extended again

and lilia might have a wake-up call in that regard, but it doesn't guarantee he'll start making the most of it

and silver and sebek will suffer the consequences of these things too

and okay yeah lilia becoming long-lived again gives silver a chance to "repay" him but then can't such a thing also be achieved in the time they have left and after lilia's death

and

yeah

idk. whatever happens happens i guess

tl;dr for this part: let my man lilia chill out holy shit lmao

thanks for reading this far if you did, i'm not looking to start arguments. these are just my honest thoughts on book 7 and if you disagree you disagree i guess

[mymarifae]

does anyone want to join me on the aventurine/argenti train. it's got all the perks of being as funny as any other argenti ship - especially given the random absurdity of their first meeting. what the hell was argenti doing in the depths of the nihility? who even knows anymore man. but like also i think it has the potential to be really sweet?

aventurine hasn't let anyone In since his sister died. he's long since forgotten how to Trust, and Love, and how to BE Loved. and this, combined with enormous amounts of survivor's guilt and trauma and being treated as an object, has really done a number on his self-esteem. he doesn't act like it (because he's learned that it's dangerous to be vulnerable; it's the one gamble he's not willing to take), but 2.1 gave us that glimpse into his inner dialogue and it is Bad in there

between his conversation with acheron, the note veritas left for him, and finding a sense of closure in the apparition of his younger self, he's on track to becoming better. we can see it in the way he pretty much immediately reaches out to the trailblazer to get some things off his chest once he gets his phone working again. and the way he's accepting what is basically a form of therapy from the doctors of chaos. but his self-hatred has been building up for years, and it's going to take a long time to unpack and unlearn all of that

so like, in comes argenti, right? he's a loud show-off, but he is SO earnest. he sees the beauty in everything and everyone. he's kind, and gentle, and so full of love. he also comes off as a bit... lonely to me? he's spent so much of his life chasing after idrila's shadow, and only catching a glimpse of them in his many near-death experiences (and isn't that something to think about...........). he's not like, secretly miserable or faking or anything - i think his exuberance is 1000% genuine. but humans are social creatures; everyone wants and requires at least some form of closeness and intimacy. to have a love to pursue in This realm... someone he can see and hold without needing to have one foot in an early grave . i think that would be good for him. that's all

anyway, it's clear that argenti was pretty enchanted by aventurine

like yeah that's kind of just how he talks normally but !?@,%&#& that's a lot of awfully romantic things to say about one specific person out of the several you apparently rescued (??????? god i love this guy he makes no sense. literally why are you even here bud). it seems that aventurine's more subdued state left an impression on him too, and well wouldn't it be pretty in character for him to start popping in randomly... as he does, because he can apparently just go wherever the fuck he wants. to check on this sad yet oh so beautiful peacock.. to try to bring a true smile to his face... to show him how kind and beautiful the universe can be......

i think aventurine might have a hard time laughing off offers of comfort and company and the beginnings of a courtship if it comes from someone like argenti. this man couldn't be disingenuous if he tried. he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve as much as he rips it out of his chest to show you. it'll be a learning curve regardless - aventurine is too used to needing to constantly prove his worth to keep anyone around and to keep them from hurting him

but do you see it. do you see the vision. do you see how Sweet this could be. aventurine is about to receive more roses than he'll know what to do with

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Those Left Behind

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 4,755

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Read on AO3

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Summary: Tav is still coming to terms with her brother's death while also trying to help Halsin get the information he so desperately needs about Thaniel. Part 29 of the slow burn fic. Tav and Halsin POVs.

Tags: Slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries, brief suicidal thoughts.

A/N: Sorry folks, we're not out of angst land yet. Thanks for hanging in there for a while longer between updates. I'm hoping to be able to do some more concentrated writing in the near future <3

Tav leaned against Halsin as they made the short hike back to camp. He kept one arm around her shoulders as they walked. Her mind and heart felt raw from the emotional whiplash of the day. Meeting Ketheric Thorm, freeing the cult’s prisoners, discovering a lead to banish the shadow curse, finding Tev, Halsin’s kiss. It was almost too much.

I care about you, Tav.

Once again, the simplest affirmations from him drew the sadness from her with ease. Unfortunately for her, the bottomless well that was her grief refilled itself quickly.

Still, it was nice to know that she hadn’t made a total fool of herself this morning.

“Hey, soldier,” Karlach called out to her softly as they came into view of the camp. Her eyes darted between her and Halsin. “Feeling better?”

“A bit, yeah.” Tav rubbed her eyes, still stinging from her tears. Halsin pulled her tighter against him, causing a broad smile to stretch across Karlach’s face.

“That’s good to hear. Come on, have a seat.” Karlach patted the spot next to her near the fire.

“Thanks, but we’re still going to Last Light. We’ll just rest there for the night.” Tav gave her a weak smile.

“Are you sure? Do you need us to come with you?” Wyll’s face was twisted with concern.

“I think we’ve taken care of the threat during our first excursion, but should anyone want to join you are of course welcome to do so,” Halsin assured him.

Karlach elbowed Wyll in the ribs before responding. “I’m sure they can handle it now that we took care of that last group of shadows.”

“Meet us there first thing in the morning?” Tav asked.

Everyone nodded their agreement along with a few more murmured condolences, except for Karlach, who responded with a wink. Tav just rolled her eyes in response, unable to help the small smile that tugged at her lips.

As they walked out of camp, Halsin reached down to lace their fingers together. The comforting feeling of his hand in hers helped steady her steps. Lunari padded along beside her, bumping into her legs every now and then.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

“I…I don’t know. I’m not sure what to talk about.” Tav sniffled. “I think part of me always knew he was gone. I just couldn't accept it without knowing.”

“Closure is a very powerful tool for moving past our grief, but it has a habit of opening up old wounds that didn’t heal properly the first time around. At least now you know his fate, horrible as it was. You can heal now, Tav. You can move on knowing that he’s now at peace.”

“You make it sound so simple.” Her tears returned and she leaned against his arm.

“It is anything but simple, my friend. Do not take my words as a dismissal of your pain. Everyone heals in their own time. It may take weeks, it may take years, but eventually the pain will dull, and the wound will mend once more.”

“Thank you, o wise and all-knowing Archdruid,” Tav mumbled, feeling a stab of guilt over her sarcasm. To her relief, Halsin just chuckled.

“Former Archdruid, but I suppose old habits die hard. If there’s anything I can do to help you, Tav, please let me know.”

She glanced down at their hands.

“This is good enough for now.”

He hummed in appreciation as she squeezed his hand.

They took the rest of their walk in silence. Tav buried her face in Halsin’s arm once they reached the small area where they had fought the shadows earlier. He kept a firm grip on her until they had passed. Before she knew it, they were crossing the bridge into the courtyard of Last Light once more. The courtyard was still bustling with its patrons, many of whom were now reunited with loved ones who had been captured.

She hated that such a happy sight made her feel so resentful.

“Are you ready?” She turned to ask Halsin.

“Lead the way.”

***

Halsin let Tav guide him back into Last Light Inn. Given the darkness choking the land, it was hard to tell the time of day, but he guessed it was getting late in the evening. Harpers, Flaming Fists, and refugees alike were still wandering about the grounds.

He did notice that there were a few more familiar faces around.

“The tieflings…” he saw Alfira had been joined by Lakrissa across the room, “you found them?”

“Some of them,” she replied in a low voice, “we still couldn’t find Arabella’s parents, or Zevlor, or Mol.”

“They weren’t being held at Moonrise?”

“Apparently not.”

Before he could respond, two tieflings came barreling up to Tav the moment she crossed the threshold of the inn.

“It’s you! You’re back!” The tiefling that spoke first was Bex, her husband, Danis, was one of the refugees that had been captured. “You left before we had a chance to thank you!”

Her hand shot out to grab Tav’s, pumping it up and down enthusiastically. Halsin squeezed the other hand tighter as he felt her tense at his side.

“Oh, of course…it was nothing.” Tav cleared her throat and forced a small smile onto her face.

“It was everything.” Danis came up to shake Tav’s hand as soon as Bex dropped it. “I thought I would be rotting away in that tower, without getting to see my love’s face one last time. To be reunited when I had all but given up…”

Halsin watched as Tav’s lips quivered at his words and felt her fingers dig into his hand.

“Happy to help,” she barely breathed the words out.

“Here, we don’t have much, but I made these for you.” Bex reached into a small bag and handed her a cloth package.

“Thank you, that’s very kind.” Tav took the offering with a trembling hand before stashing it away in her pack.

Halsin tried to lead her into the next room, but yet another group of grateful refugees swarmed them.

“Oh, thank the gods! I thought for sure you had left for the night!” Two more tieflings pushed Bex and Danis out of the way to get to Tav. He recognized them now, they were siblings. Their brother, Rolan, was meant to go to Baldur’s Gate to be an apprentice to a wizard there.

“Cal and Lia have told me that you were responsible for their return.” Rolan approached them with an embarrassed look on his face.

“Most people would just say thank you, Rolan,” Cal said as he nudged Rolan’s arm.

“I had help,” Tav added, her lips still quivering as she tried to force them into a smile.

“And modest, too?” Lia laughed as she looped an arm around one of Rolan’s.

“I suppose I was…harsh on you before. You have my sincere thanks for returning these two assholes to me,” Rolan smiled.

“Yes, thank you for helping my idiot siblings,” Cal teased back.

“My pleasure,” Tav’s quiet voice was almost lost in the commotion of Last Light, “think nothing of it.”

Halsin could just barely see the tears forming in her eyes and hear the subtle uneasiness in her breathing.

“I’m terribly sorry, my friends,” he interjected before the tieflings could speak up again, “I’m afraid Tav has had a very tiring day and is in desperate need of some rest.”

“Of course! I was exhausted from just watching you fight, I can’t imagine how you feel. We’ll talk to you again soon I’m sure.” Danis gave another grateful smile before pulling Bex away as well.

“Right, we’ll leave you to it. Thanks again!” Lia called over her shoulder as she walked outside with her brothers.

Tav stood frozen in place as she watched them walk away, arm in arm.

“Tav?” he called out quietly.

She didn’t respond, a few tears simply rolled down her cheeks. He felt guilty all of a sudden, for dragging her back here to see happy reunions all around her. Everyone around Last Light had been given a new surge of happiness, of hope.

And she had just lost hers just a few hours before.

He wanted to say something, anything to comfort her, but his mouth may as well have been filled with cotton. Luckily for him, Jaheira had wandered over to greet them.

“I didn’t expect to see you back tonight, little ranger.”

Her voice snapped Tav out of whatever spiral had taken hold.

“High Harper,” Tav sniffled and stood up a bit straighter before continuing, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

“No need for such formalities, my friend. Jaheira suits me just fine.” She flashed a crooked smile at them.

“Of course, I uh,” Tav took a shaky breath, “I had to bring Halsin back to speak to the Flaming Fist. He could have information about how to dispel the shadows.”

“Truly? That is quite a fortunate coincidence.” Jaheira started to say something else, but her face fell as she took notice of Tav’s reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

Her eyes shifted to Halsin, who gave a small shake of his head.

“But that is a conversation that can be held for later, you look exhausted, Tav.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small key.

“What’s this?” Tav asked, confusion apparent on her face.

“It is a key my very perceptive friend.” She pressed it into Tav’s palm. “Upstairs, second door on the left. There’s a room with the materials for a bath. I think you could use one, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“A…a bath?” A bit of brightness returned to her eyes at the offer. “Thank you.”

“I’d be happy to show Halsin to the Flaming Fist.” Halsin saw her eyes dart down to their hands, still entwined in a comfortable grip. “Unless you two are…” she trailed off as she tried to find the words.

Tav panicked and dropped his hand, her endearing blush creeping across her face.

“Thank you, Jaheira, I appreciate it.” She gave him a sheepish look as she sulked off toward the stairs. Lunari flopped down beside Halsin, resting her head on her paws.

“Tav?” he called out before he could stop himself. She turned around slowly and cocked her head to the side.

“I’ll…I’ll be right down here when you’re done.”

She nodded with a small smile before disappearing up the stairs.

“Tell me, Halsin, what happened?” Jaheira turned to him as soon as Tav was out of view.

“We found her brother, Tev’aron.”

“You…you found him? How is that poss–” The realization dawned on her just as she started to speak.

“I see.” She hung her head for a moment. “What was his fate?”

“He was part of a group of shadow cursed Harpers that ambushed us.”

“It was a dim hope that she would find him alive. It doesn’t make me any less sorry to hear that.” Her eyes moved back to the stairs. “How is she?”

“Devastated, from what I can tell.” Halsin recalled her heartbreaking screams as she held her brother’s dead body. The thought alone was enough to bring tears back to his eyes.

“I must warn you, this Flaming Fist is likely a dim hope as well. And yet, she made the dangerous trek through shadow to bring you here.” The corners of her mouth twitched. “A Harper at heart.”

Halsin smiled alongside her. “She doesn’t seem to think so.”

“Regardless, I worry that she will continue to chase these dim hopes. Pouring her own light into them to keep them sheltered and lit until she is naught but a shadow herself.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Halsin promised her.

“See that you don’t.” Jaheira had a way of turning simple words into an order.

“I worry more about what will happen when she no longer has the curse or Ketheric Thorm to concentrate on. Even their fight against the Absolute will serve as some form of distraction. But after that…” He trailed off, not wanting to think about that himself either.

But Jaheira apparently did.

“And what about you, Halsin? What will you do once you no longer have Ketheric Thorm or the shadows to keep your mind distracted?”

Halsin’s breath caught. It was a question he hadn’t dared to ask himself in so long.

“I suppose I’ll have to find a new distraction.” As hard as he fought it, he couldn’t keep his eyes from following Tav. Jaheira stifled a laugh as she followed his gaze.

“The Fist you’re looking for is in that room right over there.” She tilted her head toward a room to his right. “I trust you’re capable of making it inside on your own, unless you still need a hand to hold?”

He narrowed his eyes at her before walking through the doorway, Lunari trailing behind him. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, drowning out the quiet song coming from a man across the room.

Halsin took a seat on the bed next to the slumbering Fist, taking a deep breath to refocus himself.

The first sound he heard was humming, the second was a name. A name that brought tears to his eyes and a new swell of hope in his chest.

Thaniel.

***

Despite the last two days weighing on her shoulders, Tav allowed herself a fleeting moment of respite. It had been weeks since she could take a proper bath. Since their abduction, they had been resigned to quick, freezing rinses in creeks and rivers, hardly enough to wash away the grime and filth they had been wading through. Letting out a heavy sigh as she sank into the warm water, she took her time scrubbing the dirt and dried blood from her skin and hair.

Satisfied with her freshly cleaned skin, she drew her knees up close to her chest. Once again, her grief came back to weigh her down, threatening to drown her in the bath.

A memory came creeping into the front of her mind, one of her last memories of Tev.

Tav’ahria stormed out of the tavern where Tev had asked her to meet him.

“Come on, Ria, I don’t want us to part ways on a fight,” Tev’aron yelled after her.

“What do you want me to say, Tev? You told me we’d stick together, and now you’re leaving me behind.” She was having a hard time keeping the deep hurt out of her voice.

“It’s not like I have much of a choice, the High Harper is taking her squad to Reithwin, and that includes me.” He had to jog to catch up to her as she stomped away.

“You could ask to transfer, you could stay here in Amn.” A pang of guilt stabbed her in the gut for asking that of him. He had worked hard over the past three years to be in the company of Jaheira, the legendary hero of Baldur’s Gate.

“Is that what you’re asking me to do?” His tone softened a bit as he caught up with her. “Ria, please, just…”

Tev reached out and grabbed her wrist. She refused to meet his eyes.

“Come on, talk to me. Ever since you broke things off with Sylia you’ve been extra moody, you know that?”

She reached up to touch the fresh scars lining her nose and cheek. A parting gift from her scorned former lover. Tav’ahria took note on ending a relationship in a gentler fashion in the future. Especially if the partner in question favored a wild shape that gave them extra sharp talons to attack her with.

“This has nothing to do with her, and you know it,” she snapped back.

“Are you sure? Because honestly, Tav’ahria, when you were getting laid consistently you were much more–”

She cut his teasing off with a quick knee to the groin, causing him to drop the hand he had been holding.

“You were saying?” She smiled at him sweetly and batted her eyelashes.

“I…was saying…” he wheezed between words as he remained hunched over, “that there’s…something else…bothering…you.”

He wasn’t wrong.

The fact of the matter was, the Harpers had always been Tev’s dream, not hers. She had enjoyed the last few years, if anything because she was far away from their family. Many of her new peers had even gone from casual acquaintances to friends.

But now, he was leaving her to chase those dreams. As much as she hated herself for it, she resented him for leaving her behind.

“You’re leaving, Tev. Whether it’s fully under your control or not, that’s what’s happening.” Tav’ahria looked away from him again, trying to hide the misty haze clouding her eyes.

“I’m just going on assignment, Ria. It’s not like I’m being banished to another plane of existence,” he said, still catching his breath.

“You might as well be,” she whispered back.

“I know this will be the furthest we’ve been apart in some time, but neither one of us will be alone.”

“I know, I just…I really thought I’d never see you again that first night you ran away. And now…” she sniffled, “now I have that same feeling.”

“And yet, I came back. I’m not going anywhere, my sweet sister.” He pulled her into a hug.

“You only call me that when you want something,” she muttered into his shoulder.

“Yes, I want to go to Moonrise Towers with my squad,” he pulled away so he could look down at her, “but if you ask it of me, if you really need me to do so, I’ll stay here with you.”

Yes, I want you to stay here with me. I can’t stand the thought of being left alone in this world.

Without you here, I’m afraid I’ll go back.

The words in her mind brought years of guilt crashing down on her. For so long, Tev had held back to protect her, to help her. Now they were free, free to make their own choices, free to forge their own paths. Yet he still held himself back for her.

She had a chance to repay him now, for everything he had done for her.

“No, Tev. I don’t ask you to do that.” She leaned back into him.

“Thank you, Ria.”

Tav’ahria took a few deep breaths before letting him go.

“Besides, it’s just another squabble between a few Sharrans and Selûnites. Once territory is marked again and they’re sent on their merry ways, we’ll be heading back. That region has been occupied by followers of Selûne for longer than either of us have been alive, I doubt this will be a lengthy affair,” he assured her.

She could only manage a nod in response.

“I’ll write to you. Don’t worry,” he leaned over to kiss the top of her head, “a tenday from now we’ll be back together.”

“You’d better find someone else to tame that mop of hair on your head while you’re gone.” She reached up to tuck a runaway curl back among the others.

“No promises.” He swatted her hand away with feigned annoyance while she tried to rearrange more of his hair. As he turned to head back into the tavern, she fought the tears welling up in her eyes watching him leave.

“I love you, Tev,” she called after him as he ran away.

“I love you, Ria.” He gave her one more big, dimpled smile before disappearing into the tavern.

When she finally brought herself to open her eyes again, she was back in Last Light.

You didn’t come back this time, Tev.

She stayed curled up in the bath until the water had cooled, her fingers and toes had pruned, and the salty lines of tears on her face had dried.

No use wallowing in a cold bath.

She forced her legs to stand again, the noble blood in her veins fighting every move as she dressed herself in the dirty clothes she’d been wearing for weeks.

Still, the hot bath did wonders for her sore muscles, even if it did make her incredibly tired.

Tav gathered up her belongings and dragged her feet back down the stairs. By the time she had emerged, the commotion in the inn had died down. Only a few Harpers remained awake, drinking and laughing at the bar. She didn’t see Jaheira anywhere, so she just tucked the key she was given back into her pocket.

Trying to avoid any further conversations, she kept her eyes fixed on the floor as she walked into the room where Art Cullagh remained gripped by a magical slumber.

Halsin sat on the edge of the bed adjacent to the Fist’s. His eyes were closed as he held a hand out in front of him, lost in concentration. Lunari perked up from her spot at his feet.

“So, did you learn anything?” she asked softly, her quiet voice still startled Halsin out of his meditation.

“Tav!” His face lit up when he saw her, she just wished it made her feel better. “Come, join me.” He patted the spot next to him on the bed.

She sulked over and placed her bag and armor at the foot of the bed before taking a seat, making sure to give her wolf companion a few scratches behind her ears on the way.

“I’ve learned precious little, I’m afraid. But there’s at least no doubt that he’s met Thaniel. There’s no other way he would know that name.” Halsin began to eagerly explain his meditations from the last hour, but she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

“…Tav?” He gave her a gentle nudge.

She shot up, realizing she had fallen over on his shoulder.

“Sorry, love. I guess I’m just a bit more tired than I thought.”

“It’s quite alright.” He placed an arm around her and rested his head on hers. “Rest, Tav. We can talk more in the morning.”

A small bout of panic ripped through her. She didn’t really want to rest; she was terrified of what she might see in her dreams.

Her heart rate sped up, causing her chest to tighten with anxiety and grief, Halsin seemed to sense something was wrong.

“What is it?”

“I…” Tears stung her eyes. She couldn’t bear the possibility of seeing Tev’s dead body in her arms again. Not wanting to have another breakdown here in Last Light, she squeezed her eyes shut once more. It didn’t stop her lips from trembling and her breath from hitching audibly.

“Tav…” Halsin’s soothing voice had quieted, and she felt his hands encase hers.

“I can’t rest, Halsin,” she whispered, “every time I close my eyes, I just see him.”

When she opened her eyes again, he was kneeling on the floor in front of her.

“What can I do, Tav?” he asked, his eyes searching hers for an answer.

She couldn’t form any words. Grief maintained its clawed grip on her mind. So instead, she just began to sob.

Halsin immediately pulled her into his arms.

“It’s alright, Tav, it’s alright,” he said the words over and over in her ear as he held her head against him.

“I miss him.”

“I know.”

“It’s my fault, Halsin…” she gasped into his shoulder.

“What?” He pushed her back a little so he could look at her. “Why do you say that?”

“Because…” she choked out.

She told Halsin about the last time she had seen Tev. How he had offered to stay with her, but she let him go with Jaheira and her squad.

“Oh, Tav…” he trailed off before hugging her tight again.

“I could…asked…to stay…might…be here…” She could barely get the words out between her sobs.

“Listen to me,” his voice had shifted to a more forceful tone, but he still held her with such a gentle touch, “you cannot blame yourself for his death. You cannot take that weight onto your shoulders, my friend. Believe me when I say it will crush you.”

“But…”

Halsin cut her off by taking her face in both of his hands.

“Tav, you got called to Moonrise anyway. Even if he had stayed with you, there is no guarantee that he would have survived. You saw the raw chaos that took over the battlefield that day.”

“You don’t understand! Tev was all that I had. The hope that I could find him again was all that I had, as foolish as that hope was…” she paused for another bout of sobs. “Now what do I have? No family, no home…”

As soon as she said the words, she regretted them. The pain in Halsin’s expression adding to the ever growing pile of her guilt.

“I do understand. I lost my closest friends, my mentor who was like a father to me, I lost Thaniel. The grove has been the only home I’ve known for over two hundred years and now I…” He shook his head lightly before looking back up at her.

“And you do have a family, Tav. You have an entire camp full of new friends who would do anything for you, who would follow you anywhere.”

She wrapped her arms tight around her torso. The muscles in her chest and shoulders had grown sore from her cries.

“And you have me,” he said with tears in his eyes.

Tav reached up to hold one of the hands cradling her face.

“We have both carried a great deal of sorrow and guilt over the last century. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have found someone who shares that burden with me. You’ve done so much for me already, let me ease some of the weight from your shoulders. Let me help you, Tav.”

She let out a shaky breath and rested her forehead against his.

“Now, please rest. I’ll watch over Art Cullagh. I’ll wake you if anything changes.”

She nodded and turned to lay down on the small bed.

“Will you stay here with me?” she asked, keeping a tight grip on his hand.

“Of course,” he responded as she closed her eyes. “Wherever you need me.”

Just before she drifted off, she felt him place a light kiss on the back of her hand.

***

Halsin held Tav’s hand in his until he was confident that she had drifted off into a trance. His heart truly ached for her. Not only was she leading the fight against a cult of mind flayers, a cult being led by the man responsible for her hardship, but she was also wading through one hundred years’ worth of grief to do it.

He leaned over to press a gentle kiss into her hair. The strands were still damp from her bath earlier and he smelled pine mixed with another sweet scent that he couldn’t quite identify.

Watching her face slowly relax into a peaceful look brought a wave of relief washing over him. He wanted nothing more than to lay down beside her, to hold her close throughout the night and chase any nightmares away. He wanted to bury his face in her freshly washed hair, concentrating on the new smell to distract him from his own grief and guilt.

Once again, his life allowed no room for such desires.

“May your dreams be kind,” he whispered in Elvish before sitting back up. He gently placed her hand that he had been holding back at her side before turning his attention to the Flaming Fist.

Halsin sat and studied Art Cullagh in his slumber. Nothing about the song he kept repeating gave him any specific ideas of where to find Thaniel.

Climb, climb, climbing up a tree.

That could be anywhere. Thaniel loved to climb trees, it was one of his favorite ways to spend an afternoon.

We are living, they are dead.

Again, that could have been anywhere, but it did give Halsin another confirmation that Thaniel was at least alive somewhere. 

The more he concentrated on the man, the more it became obvious that he had been imprisoned in the Shadowfell. Yet try as he might, Halsin couldn’t determine his connection to Thaniel. The man’s mind was fractured and fading away. If they were not delicate and precise in their manner of doing so, waking him could likely result in his death. He shuddered at the realization. If they didn’t find a way to wake Art Cullagh from his stupor, their one chance at banishing the shadows could be lost to him forever.

[o-wild-west-wind]

It is the 1 year anniversary of the OFMD finale, and also the 5 year anniversary of my uncle’s death. For no particular reason, I’m feeling compelled to write something about it, so…here goes. This is more for myself than anyone else, but I guess I wanted to put it out there in case it resonates with anyone. I know a lot of us have found healing through this show 💛

When I first found OFMD, I was still in a state of mourning. The loss of my uncle hit me hard; I had been living with him on my breaks during college, and with no kids of his own, I was also his primary caretaker when he was ill. He took me in when my MAGA dad—his brother—couldn’t look at me without starting a fight. In many ways, he was the dad I wished I had.

And then, before he was ready to go, he was gone.

It wasn’t until after I started going through his things that I finally confirmed that he was gay (a copy of an application to be a mentor for the Trevor Project, and a sizable collection of gay erotica LOL). As nice as it felt to know, it also gutted me—because we had both feared backlash from my homophobic dad, neither of us had ever come out to the other. I felt an overwhelming amount of regret for never having talked about it with him, and I especially regretted that he’d lived alone, aside from me. I regretted that I’d never know if he had had the chance at love.

His death snapped something in my brain; I lost my spirituality, became obsessive about death, and was convinced that I was on my deathbed myself. I tried multiple different therapists, but nothing worked. And as years went by, I still felt the fog of grief, depression, and paranoia. The bitterness that my uncle could never be himself to his own family compounded on my bitterness that I had to hide myself in the same way, and I resigned myself to a life I felt almost to be condemned.

When OFMD started, my partner (a longtime Taika Waititi fan) suggested it to me, knowing how much I was looking for a distraction (and a laugh). I’d just been diagnosed with an alphabet soup of neurodivergencies, and told myself to hang onto the world at least until I could get my meds sorted out; but I had months to wait for my appointment, and I needed something, anything, to get me by until then.

So this silly little show came around, and it genuinely felt like the first seedling of spring after a long winter. It was fun, and funny, and just the world I wanted to escape to—but it was also about self-acceptance, love, queer joy, and—in its surprisingly understated way—death. It was a space to explore the themes that had haunted my own life, but in an overwhelmingly uplifting vessel. And it finally hit me that my uncle had never really been alone, like I’d assumed; there was and had always been a whole world of people out there, young and old, like us. We’d carved a space for ourselves, despite. It was the first time I really started feeling that it was okay to just…be.

I got onto an upward trajectory from there—I finally got on meds, came out to my close friends (half of which came out to me in turn lmao), and—thanks to Stede—found the courage to quit the job I hated and go back to grad school. But when S2 dropped, it really felt like the closure I didn’t even realize I needed. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that Ed’s arc basically cured my death anxiety—and the closure of his issues with his own father figures really helped me find a closure with mine.

I guess I say all this as a reflection of what this show gave me, and also in gratitude that a year later, I’m still in awe at the lasting power of its healing medicine. I still have my shit, and I’m working through more loss and grief I experienced during this span of time, but I’m honestly feeling…okay. Like I can breathe again, for once—no longer like I’m just waiting to drown.

I know that this piece of art just managed to be exactly what I needed at exactly the right point in time, but FUCK, am I glad it was. I’m devastated we don’t have more, but I’m so, SO grateful for what we ended up with, because it was exactly what I needed.

And while I wish I could’ve watched it with my uncle—he would’ve loved this show—I’m so grateful that it has turned his memory from something of deep pain to that of humor and joy. Like so many of the characters, he was funny, and brash, and caring beyond belief; he gave me my love of sailing, and taught me to treasure fine things, laugh in the face of hate, and never to give up on what I loved.

So cheers to you, Uncle R. Cheers to the renegades. And cheers to queer joy—because it feels good for the flag that once meant death to me to finally have a new meaning 🏳️‍🌈

[lazulian-devil]

As promised to @maidofdarkness23, here is the first of several breakdowns on the villains of Skulduggery Pleasant.

The Villains of Skulduggery Pleasant

We start at the beginning, in Phase 1, Book 1 (which doesnt have a subname as far as I know, its only titled Skulduggery Pleasant).

Ready?

Nefarian Serpine

Certified best villain ever (I am not biased).

Alright, so first of all:

We are talking about Book 1, the beginning of the series and a book that (in comparison to all the others) is still working with a world that hasnt been established, ideas that arent entirely fixed yet and vibes that are still a little different.

Nefarian Serpine - for all his flaws - embodies this hard. He is almost larger than life in the first book, a reputation that he doesnt really hold in his other Leibnitz dimension appearances. In comparison to every other villain of the week, he lives in an ellaborate, gothic castle filled with hollow papermen and everytime the castle is described, the accompanying thunder and dark clouds are implied.

He never has much screentime, but Dereks perspective style writing lends him just enough depth that his cartoonishness turns sinister and plotting. His interactions with Bliss showcase a man that is deeply aware of his wrongdoings and yet consistently smiles into the face of distrust and hatred. This man knows how to play the game. He is too sure of himself, which makes reading about his movements and actions so full of dread. The question is not only "What has he done in his past?" but the much worse question of "What is he actually doing right now?"

How far will he go, surrounded in his castle by papermen, alone, twirling a wine glass.

In essence, Serpine is a silly villain, so cladden in clichés and stereotype that he is almost larger than the sum of his parts. His shadow is bigger than his body.

The first book establishes that he alone is the reason for Skulduggery Pleasants misery, loss of wife and child, as well as skin and body. A traumatic position that (afaik) no other villain even so much as came close to. The stakes are - of course - world saving level, but they also hold a personal pain that very few following villains in Phase 1 come close to.

In terms of atrocities commited against Skulduggery, hes probably second to none. Even China just followed his lead and never actually plotted or - worse - put them into motion.

The interest in most other villains comes down to

A) saving the world.

B) some kind of moral or ethical conundrum about the world of sorcerers.

But very rarely

C) literally facing the root of your trauma (for Skulduggery) or establishing a root (for Valkyrie).

(Quick Sidenote: Serpines death signifies both Skulduggeries "closure" with his old self and Valkyries acceptance of her new self. Once again, Serpine is not only a foil but also a catalyst).

It is also a great setup to reveal Skulduggerys less heroic sides: His wrath and his care for Valkyrie and Valkyrie alone. The two things that would, throughout the whole series, stay consistent.

Serpine is foil to Skulduggery in even more ways than that, revealing that the same cocksureness and self importance is an incredibly annoying feat in literally anyone else. Going up against Skulduggery must be infuriating, because going up against Serpine definitely is.

And hes also funny.

Have I mentioned how fucking funny Serpine is? Wanting to turn Skulduggery into a piano, absolutely able to hold his wit against the onslaught of insults and quibs exchanged.

Its also important to distinguish this Serpine from the Leibnitz Serpine. His Leibnitz equivalent foils a Skulduggery and Valkyrie that are much further along on their way to madness - he acts just enough like his original (after all, its only been like, what... Six? Seven? books?) but there are still some differences. I'll get to that. Someday.

Back to OG Serpine.

What do we have so far?

Serpine is an almost cartoonish assortment of tropes (the hand, the castle, the general vibe) but somehow, it works. Hes just a little "more" than his tropes, alluding to a three dimensionality he doesnt actually posess, but we have enough to believe it to be there.

He is clearly a product of the series not being established, which explains his constant later downplays (him being the weakest between Vengous, Vile and Serpine for example is only established long after Vengous and Serpine are dead).

He is the most personal villain that the Duo - and especially Skulduggery - face and its hilarious, that its literally the first book.

He is in so many ways exactly like Skulduggery. Full of himself, magically skilled beyond sense, insane (Im looking at you, Faceless Ones Dimension), obsessed with his own aesthatics, also literally a former Mevolent Higherup/Endboss/what do you even call that, witty, sarcastic, smart and able to plot etc. Etc.

He is both the door finally closing for Skulduggery and the door being blasted open for Valkyrie.

We'll come back to him, dont worry. His weirdass villain castle is used by Scarab and Billy-Ray in another book and he plays a passive role even after his death (like the opinions of the Dead Men, China Sorrows trauma, etc.) and even an active role as his Leibnitz replacement.

Solid 10/10 villain.

Im sorry that this got so long and I hope it made any sense and/or provided new insight to literally anyone.

I wrote more of this: Heres Part 2 with Baron Vengous and heres Part 3 with Batu.

[astrobuggy]

My favorite TSAMS/TLAES/MGAFS trios and duos

(Idk if they got names to em)

☆ Solar & Lunar

- Meeting an alternative version of your brother who had been nothing but cruel to you the moment you began living only to see him in a different type of lighting, you could never see him in finding comfort and closure while meeting him once again. All the while, you're doing the same thing for him. Finally, being shown kindness in such a long time and a person who you can relax with and ignore all your problems you've been facing for such an agonizingly long time believing it has been nothing but your fault as to why they started. (Found brothers fr 🤧)

♡ Pollux, Castor, Lunar

- Two intergalactic star beings who have never interacted with other beings except for their own kind, finally meeting another person, all the while doing a mission they were assigned to. A being made of metal and crafted by mankind who has suddenly came back wrong and different. Almost like you, but still not as close to you. You're helping him find his way in this confusing path, but all the while having fun with him and making charitable memories with him with the time you have left. Finding a friend in him. (BRING BACK MY SILLIES TLAES 🗣‼️‼️)

☆ KC & Bloodmoon (twins)

- Both beings made for the soul purpose of being a murder machine. A tool. One made first one made second. The eldest one taking the young one under their wing and teaching their ways; not judging them in the slightest. The young finally being seen and heard for their murderous tendencies and being accepted for it. Finding family in people who understand you and also indulge in your activities. Both accepting each other as father and son. Only for the son to outgrow the father at the end. (Parental and kid duos will be the death of me 💔)

♡ Moon, Sun, Lunar

- Found family (I ain't writing allat 😤)

☆ Castor & Lunar

- A quiet, intergalactic being who has only known the vastness of space and what lies within it meets a person or rather a robot who barely knows anything about their galaxy besides the world they reside on. They meet paths and start to attempt to work together. Yes, they don't get along, but they start to work it out together and actually start befriending each other. (I got lazy :p)

♡ Castor & Pollux

- Being born for the first time and you don't know anyone, maybe not even yourself and the environment that surrounds you. But all you know is that you're not complete yet. You're missing your own someone. Until you find him. He's quiet, calm, and monotone. The complete opposite of yourself. You've found him! Your brother! And you're his sister. You're outgoing, fun, and loud to the fullest extent to your being. But he'll come to terms with it sooner or later. You are the two halves of one person, after all. (My top 5 fav characters fr 💗)

[adracat]

G Witch 22 thoughts

Banger episode this week! I loved every single minute. My only gripe was that it felt far too short. A pox on these weekly waits. Future binge watchers don't know how good they have it

Very much enjoyed the doubling down on QZ's destructive power and complete supremacy. No matter how many weapons/ships you have it doesn't matter because Aerial can just override them. It's a good establisher of stakes.

Mio burrito spotted. She is looking so rough here. Completely unsurprising she won't acknowledge Guel though. He had no sway on her even on her best days. Sorry, my guy. You lack Suletta's magic touch. Only she can play the Mio whisperer now

DEMI BARDING!! Big fan of that chonky suit after Asticassia ep so glad it's getting more use. I don't even care that I'm being manipulated into buying another kit. Secilia is a real one, glad she sat her butt down so the world didn't implode

This was a nice moment and gave Suletta closure on 4lan. He was someone she cared for, no matter how brief. That revelation about her list being Prospera's idea was a bit of a shocker tbh. I just thought she constructed it from the media she watched/read. The truth is way worse lmao. I guess it was meant to acclimate her to the school and therefore the dueling games for Aerial? Little did Prospera know that Suletta's dork charm would snare the heart of Delling's daughter immediately.

This was sudden but a joy to watch. I suppose Guel was tired of being Mio's ineffective secretary lol. But in all seriousness, this was sweet of him to arrange a duel so the lovebirds could be reunited. You've become a solid bro, Guel. Hope nothing dire happens to you.

Btw, I fully expect some fanfic authors to leap on a fencing au now. Pretty please?

This entire scene was so Utena I couldn't believe it. Well, actually the entire episode was littered with Utena but still. The baring of their mistakes. The acceptance of their faults. GOD this was so amazing.

I love how far Suletta has come in her development. Such an excellent change of mindset from viewing her time at Asticassia as a mistake to fully believing meeting Miorine was a blessing. She's so confident in her feelings

THEY'RE SOMEDAY TOGETHERINGGGG I see you Okouchi, giving us rabid Utena fans the good shit. This show is such a great homage in so many ways but this episode takes the cake! (Bit concerned that Suletta didn't verbally promise anything, just smiled fondly. Perhaps wistfully?)

This gave me such an unpleasant jumpscare though. The deliberate framing with Mio's bare legs followed by catastrophic bedhead freaked me out. I could have done without the Anthy reminder, thank you. Made such a sweet moment feel a bit horrific. I envy those who are oblivious to what I'm talking about

But this was so very sweet. I was getting misty-eyed. These babies have been through so much yet the truest thing is their love for each other. Their relationship remains the emotional core. Side note: Mio why are you the size of a housecat? Just how small was Notrette even

I'm glad I was correct in my read that Earth House doesn't truly blame Mio for Earth, only her staunch refusal to seek help. This was a nice little moment as was her brief words to Delling. Sleeping beauty certainly took his sweet time. I do wonder what he makes of this chaos?

Guel's reservation about Suletta heading to QZ is understandable but as she says, it's her choice. And Mio won't let anyone else decide Suletta's fate as she did before. Her quick death glare at Guel was so funny. Mans can only slap himself into complaince. Even when not engaged to Mio, he still obeys like a loyal sidekick lmao

Didn't expect this quick Shaddiq convo. I like how he recognizes instantly that Mio is better because of Suletta. It's very in character for him to accept Suletta's importance in Mio's life without resentment. I am wondering at the deal Mio makes with him. What could he possibly do for her? Perhaps it's Earth-related

At first I thought this was the sweetest thing. I still think it's sweet, but I also find the phrasing incredibly... weird. Not 'I'll always love you?' 'Always be with you'? Instead 'I will always be attached to you'. Could be nothing but it still sounds vaguely ominous. And it's coded in the genetic sequence of her tomatoes all things. The hell were you doing Notrette? Nice nod to mythology here though. Anesidora is an epithet for Demeter, an agricultural goddess, and Pandora. And like Pandora, Notrette unwittingly released evil in the form of QZ and possibly collaborated with Prospera to upload Ericht's biometric signature.

Aww farmer wives on Earth please! Still don't like Suletta only smiles when Mio declares anything future related. I get the rudest feeling she's not making hard promises because she's too aware of the peril. They look so happy here, so imma ignore the danger signs and just bask in their affection.

Mio forcing aside her own fear to support Suletta was so good. She was so relieved when Suletta broke Permet 5 alive, bursting into tears afterward. It was rough for me to hear Suletta gasping in pain, so I can't imagine how Mio must've felt. I don't ever want to see people claim she doesn't love Suletta ever again

I have thoughts on Calibarn's design (Utena spoilers) and place in the plot, but for this review I'll just say it looks neat. I wish it was a bit more unique, but it makes sense they need it to resemble its sibling plus its obvious Vanadis roots. That boom broomstick is super cool though!

I enjoyed Prospera's muted reaction here. She's surprised by Calibarn but not intimidated or angry. I'm sure she has complete faith in Eri's ability to handle this hurdle and her daughter's commitment to the plan. She must know Eri loves Suletta, but assumes it ultimately won't change a thing. For now, at least.

You know, I expected Lauda to lose it but I didn't expect him to be this stupid lol. You can't even use the damn GUND format idiot, you really think you'll beat your brother? I can't believe I gave him even the slightest bit of credit. Easily the worst character in the show. I hope Guel crushes him (and he doesn't get Guel killed in the process)

Petra deserves better 2023!

Ah and Eri peeks her GUND ghost form out to say hello before clashing with Suletta. This is an incredible shot, love the visuals as always. If it goes full Utena as I suspect, we'll see Eri break/override Calibarn. The name of a holy sword bashing at the Gwitch Rose Gate doesn't bode well. What that means for Suletta is anyone's guess, but I have faith she'll live. I fully expect her to get assistance of some kind. After all, the show has been telling us all along that working together is far better than struggling alone!

[hermitsdump]

Ok I figured out the tumblr algorithm ig bc posting about spike this morning and suddenly my fyp is all btvs gifs all day

So I fucked up by tagging my borderline vent, personal, or stressful content posts w tags that I thought people who don't want to see it would filter.

Still tho idk if that's affected my fyp at all bc I think it takes posting a tag and liking a tag and THEN it's in the fyp and it's 80% of it

I just want to not see the gege akutami slander bc the way he wrote jujutsu kaisen is perfect and intricate and considerate and insightful and it just takes several reads to get it. You gotta focus on different perspectives, see the forest from the trees, read better translations.

But at this point I have no beef and practically no nagging questions. He gave us closure, explanation, joy, and enough open-ended mystery to let us all interpret some things differently - like whether Gojo and Geto are alive.

But the continuity errors, the... On God gege knows what he's doing. That, the change in art style, it's all intentional. (when he makes a mistake he announces it to let us know, even when it's a small thing.) I pinned my reaction to jjk 271 and update it every time I have a realization that builds more clarity.

I try to be humble bc yeah I have (mostly trivial) theories that can't be proven, but are canon to me (though I always give a disclaimer when telling anyone that Kenjaku knocked up coach takagi with todo aoi, for example).

I know that it took 5 watches to understand the anime. I know that 2 reads through the manga with shonen jump's translation helped a lot, but it's a lot of information to process, and a third full read with better translations and notes is what it took for me to actually feel like I know what's going on. And I love that everything isn't spelled out and dragging us by the hand like, I tried to read or re-watch Naruto and simply cannot bc it repeats itself and is so blunt. Being able to make connections and put the clues together has been my life's joy this past year. And if gege wrapped everything up perfectly, frankly, I would not be coping well.

In the end, even if satosugu lives on in the flesh, I'm so glad jjk is over now. Bc even if we get a sequel where they are revealed (I imagine they'd fake their death to be unregistered w jujutsu headquarters and relieved of their "strongest" status and execution sentence), those two deserve a fucking break, and the jjk fandom needs time to reflect on their lives and deaths. We deserve this break to look at things differently.

Because ultimately, we see things differently after people die. We reflect on harsh realities, we go through anger, denial, what if, why, etc. We see their existence as human and finite - which is something Gojo never got before. Immortalized as the face of jujutsu kaisen, even to people who can't name the series. We, the jjk fandom, have objectified Gojo for our own entertainment. We need time to reflect on the way he's been taken at face value, misunderstood, oversexualized, etc etc - he's been treated by people irl just the way he was treated in the series. We are no better. (obv not every single person has done this but it's far overshadowing the understanding analysis and acceptance of his true life).