#what if ive accidentally typed fuck you without realising. what if???

[steelycunt]

ridi hi ! yr like one of my biggest writing inspirations and im going to try writing r/s so i wanted to ask for a bit of advice (if you don't mind!!) how did you first sort of insert yourself into the fandom? ive never really written hp before and kinda don't know where to start (without feeling like some sort of imposter lol) thought id get yr opinion hope you don't feel pressured to answer tho <3

hi hi !! ahh fhdsfjds thats so lovely thank you so much!! thank u for this q, ill put my thoughts under the cut hope thats okay mwah <33

i was writing on ao3 for a fair bit of time b4 i was made this blog on here to post about my writing (i dont know if most people went in that order?? maybe??) but once i was on here i just found authors whose stuff i enjoyed on ao3 and who had mentioned they had a tumblr. i found honestly just interacting with people + their work n stuff was the easiest way to make friends!! n just messaging those people even though it was a bit terrifying. at the same time, though, when talking about hp specifically i think u've gotta keep in mind that its a massive space and also largely a cesspit lol...for that reason ive had no desire to get too involved in most of it aside from circles of people i know n trust and i would say, especially on the topic of interacting with people: be extra careful when you're following people, and also screen ur followers as best you can for terf shit and projkr shit and all of that.

as for the writing side! its way, way less daunting if you're just writing what you want honestly. i wrote things because there was stuff i wanted to read, and now i do it because i enjoy writing! and i think having any other motivation for doing it except that will result in it becoming a bit of a draining and joyless activity pretty quickly. don't worry about canon (esp when the source material is as shite and lazy as hp canon is anyway), don't worry about adhering to popular headcanons if they don't interest you...the imposter thing is tricky but also very very common and probably nearly everyone doing something creative + sharing it will feel like that to some extent? and if everyone feels like an imposter sometimes then i'd argue that nobody can really, genuinely be one, so don't worry abt it too much (again, writing for yourself rather than any other motivation will probably help with that a bit). and have fun writing babe that is really at the end of the day all there is to it like if ur enjoying urself then whatever u write will b brilliant n worth ur time <33 good luck !!

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

it's no secret that the writers neglected some relationships in favor of other (*cough* chair *cough*)

what relationships do you wish had been featured more throughout the show? are there aspects of any relationships (like how Blair's treatment of Jenny effects her relationship with Dan) you wish had been explored more? ((I'm talking both romantic and platonic))

oh this is such a fun question!! i wanted to really sit and get to it, hence the long wait time (sorry!) so here we go!

relationships i wanted more of:

first, and this is a popular opinion, i think blair and serena should've been the focus of the show, instead of blair and chuck. a dynamic that was strongly platonic, but with blurred boundaries and romantic implications like the books, where romance is neither confirmed nor denied but all the subtext is there - i think that would've given the show actual backbone. blairena for the win!!

something i have said a lot on my blog is that the danessa friend breakup SUCKED. it was really shitty (and racist!) that dan can forgive his white friends ANYTHING (serena did that whole revenge porn thing - which i think is really ooc but that's another conversation - and dan marries her) but vanessa is unforgiveable for... what exactly? stealing his story and publishing it without his permission? dude, she did that to you before in 1x11 (?? i think it was 1x11) and you were DELIGHTED that your story was being published. you can't blame her so harshly if you never set that boundary. anyway dan and vanessa should've had a blair and serena kind of friendship (& the first two seasons really implied that that WAS how their friendship was) where there's a certain coming back to each other no matter what, even if it's unhealthy.

i've said this before on my blog, too, but i wanted more sibling stuff!! serena&eric and dan&jenny were like. my favourite things about the early seasons. their dynamics were so real and it was so nice; it brought out a different side to the characters that was really refreshing and interesting to see. dan & serena were both so protective of jenny & eric respectively, in a way that they weren't with anybody else, and jenny & eric had a really candid and honest kind of relationship with their elder sibs, which they didn't have with their parents, and it was just. it gave the show so much more HEART, ok.

i also really wanted more platonic jenny and nate! my 2 favourite jenny and nate moments are that bit in seventeen candles (when will it stop? / it'll stop when you stop it - or whatever it is that quote is, cant remember it verbatim right now) and also that moment in.. the empire strikes jack, i think it is? where nate's comforting jenny and she's like 'what's wrong with me' and he just. looks at her with quiet disbelief before he says, firmly, 'nothing is wrong with you'..... nate & jenny had that thing i love about dan & serena, where they could have REAL conversations with each other, and be fully honest AND vulnerable with each other. and while there was a lot about their dynamic that was canonically not the healthiest, i felt like. they both had a really special type of platonic intimacy? and i really liked that. i wanted to see more of that.

i would've liked to see more nate & chuck, but minus the glorifying chuck. as the show goes on, it's like there's two nates, the nate who actually cares about people and respects women and you can trust, and the nate who shares whiskey with chuck and looks the other way when chuck is being abusive, even if it's with blair. this is a bad writing choice, obviously. i would've liked to see nate grapple with being chuck's friend, and realise that he CANNOT possibly support chuck and still be a good person. though of course that is too much to expect from this garbage show.

nate, blair and serena as a trio!!! i wanted more platonic scenes like that thanksgiving flashback from s1. in the books, they were childhood friends, but in a very 'their childhoods were totally intertwined' and the show scrapped that, which i think is rlly sad. there was something so special about nate, serena and blair knowing each other in a way nobody else does, because they've seen each other grow up, and their childhoods are SO merged, and they are just. so close. that would've been SO good.

and well. platonic nate and blair specifically! they've dated for so long, they obviously know a LOT about each other. i think it would be cool if there was more of like. nate knowing things about blair that nobody else does, and blair knowing things about nate that nobody else does.

aspects of relationships to be explored more...... hmmm

the nate & chuck thing is there. i mean. how can nate be besties with jenny AND with chuck. HOW. for a long period of time he canonically is. but that doesn't seem right.

idk if this goes here but i wish that things like the catherine stuff and the rachel stuff and the ben stuff had been handled with appropriate gravity, and we'd actually seen what it meant for those characters, instead of it just being there for the ~scandal~ and then tossed aside.

something i remember from seventeen candles as well is jenny talking about how it's uncomfortable being at home because of her parents. so that follows that nate knows something nobody else really does - which is that the humphreys have a complicated home background as well. like their lives are not perfect. i think it would've been neat if that came up more, in say, nate's friendship with dan. like him just being like "i know your mom leaving was hard on you" and dan being like "what the fuck who told you that????" and nate being like oh shit because he didn't think before he said it and this is dan not jenny

i think it's really interesting how much dan and vanessa don't feel at ease with their own parents, but feel at ease with the other's parents. like the way vanessa is around rufus - weird accidental romantic undertones aside, she actually likes his company and appreciates his advice, and her relationship with her mom...... is not like that. but the way dan tries to fix vanessa and gabriella's relationship........... it's obvious that he's closer to vanessa's mother than he is to his own mother. i think there was potential for some really interesting stuff there.

oh ive said this before, too, but. we didn't get ruby abrams!!! :(

i also think tv!dan should've gotten a boyfriend. i mean. book dan did. but i think now im getting distracted

there's probably more, but this is all i have for now!

oh. i wish we'd had more carter, and specifically, more carter x serena. those two were so absolutely and wholly on the same wavelength.... carter>>> dan OR nate as serena's bf in my humble opinion.

[brelione]

Trying To Help (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Mentions of death, not super sad kind of just conflicting I think (figured id give you guys an emotional break), mentions of blood.Not proof read because im a lazy bitch.

“Hey pretty boy.”You whispered, trying not to cry.Topper frowned, not understanding where he was or why everything felt so weird. “Im sorry I drove off a bridge.”He replied, his voice sounding funny as if he had been talking with food in his mouth.

 “Dont be bubs, you didnt mean to….”You replied, hoping your voice wasnt hurting his head.His eyes closed again, too lazy to keep them open. “Rafe should be here soon.”You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously.

His nose scrunched up, a look of disapproval on his face. “Why does everything always gotta be about Rafe?”He asked, his eyes opening wide when he realised there was a cast on his arm.He moved the fingers on his right hand, making sure that one wasnt broken too.Needles and IVs had been stabbed into his arm and hand, an air tube across his face and at his nostrils.

He noticed your hand on the bed, reaching for it with his good hand.You let him hold it, glad he wasnt mad at you.The room was quiet and dark but not so much that it was awkward, the two of you just trying to keep eachother calm. “Hey,guys.”The door opened to reveal Rafe.

He was wearing a backwards hat, a light blue polo shirt and black pants.He looked just as much of a mess as you, a guilty expression on his face.His eyes flicked over to you and Toppers hands as he sat in the chair next to you.

 “Is that Rafe?”Topper asked, too tired to open his eyes again. “Yeah, dude.You really fucked up this time.”Rafe smiled but his face quickly fell into a frown when you didnt do the same.You began to drag your fingertips along Toppers arm, feeling a bit better when he grinned at the feeling.

“So how was the movie?”He asked, feeling his eyes water up. “Um...yeah, we didnt end up finishing it.Guess it wasnt the same without you there.”You muttered, your fingers trailing back down to his palm.

He hummed, taking in a deep breath when he realised you could hear his heartbeat increasing from the monitor. “I knew you wouldnt finish it.Between you and Kelce screaming and….and Rafe being an impatient slut.”Topper smiled, opening his eyes ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of Rafe’s reaction.

 “Hmm...you’re lucky your arms already broken, pussy.”Rafe smiled, becoming less tense when you rolled your eyes. “DOnt be fucking rude.”You whispered with a small smile. “You know what...its the quoting the Kardashians daily for me.”Topper bit his lip as he waited for you to respond. “Its...the breaking my flower pot for me.”You replied, tapping your fingers against his palm.You grinned,recalling the memory.

You and Kelce had spent the morning together after a sleepover.You had scrolled through your pinterest feed as usual, coming across a ton of diy plant pots and decided to just go for it.You told Kelce about your idea as you two sat down for breakfast, both of you half asleep as you drank coffee. “Yeah, okay.”he agreed, putting on his shoes once he had finished his eggs.

 “So how many pots should we get?”He asked as you buckled your seatbelt.You shrugged, not really having a proper answer as he began to drive to Walmart, cursing when he couldnt find a parking spot.Once he did he waited for you to go back to your pinterest boards and figure out exactly what type of paint you would need for the project.

It was far too early for the store to be busy, holding on to Kelce’s back as he grabbed a cart. “What isle?”He asked, stopping to grab a bag of cheetos. “Uhhh….I dont know.Hold on.”You pulled out your phone, holding onto him with one arm and resting the phone on top of his head.

 “Thirteen.”You replied, squealing and holding on for dear life as he began running through the store, coming to a halt when he reached the isle.You hopped off of his back, grabbing some small pots and some medium pots and putting them into the cart carefully. 

“Can I paint spongebob on mine?”He asked, his eyes glancing through the paint colors on the hunt for a bright yellow. “I dont care, paint whatever you want.”You replied, grabbing the primary colors and tossing them into the cart.Kelce being Kelce had freaked when he saw the variety of stickers, buying at least thirty dollars worth of puppy stickers, marvel stickers, car stickers and shiny spikes. 

“No weeds are gonna mess with this plant when im done with it.”He said proudly as he grabbed every single strip of spike stickers.You had rolled your eyes, picking out some pearl like stickers and tossing them in the cart.Kelce smiled, getting an idea.

He moved all of the items to the opposite side of the cart to leave an empty space, picking you up quickly and putting you inside. “Kelce-seriously?”You sighed, holding on to the side as he pushed the cart quickly, swerving it against the tile on his way to the plant isle. 

“Yep, its easier this way.”He replied, stopping the cart once you guys got to the other side of the store. “Ooh….can we grow sunflowers?”He asked, tossing the bag of seeds into the cart before you could answer. “Get lavender too.”You replied, taking out your phone to play subway surfers.

Kelce huffed, arms wrapping around your shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of your head as he watched you play. “Whats your high score?”He asked, playing with the baby hairs that had fallen out of your braids. 

“I dunno, higher than yours.”You grinned, hearing him gasp. “Fucking rude.”He muttered, flicking your temple. “Fuck you.”You replied, avoiding a train. “Fuck you!”He exclaimed driving the cart to check out.He grabbed a few packs of gum as well, scanning the items at the self checkout.

You two then spent the whole afternoon painting pots and covering them in an obnoxious amount of stickers.The small one that Kelce had done all by himself was covered with spike stickers that kept falling off. “It wont stay stuck!”He exclaimed, becoming frustrated.

 “Kelce, babe, its cause you’ve got paint on the sticky part.”You sighed, grabbing a paper towel and putting it under the water to wipe off the yellow paint from the pot.He was a pouting mess for the rest of the afternoon but was happy with the outcome of the pot, taking a photo of it to post on his snapchat story. “How did you do that?”He asked, pointing to the pastel rainbow pot you had painted.You shrugged, just going off of what you saw in the video.You two had decided to just go sit on the couch and watch some cartoons while you waited for Rafe and Topper, leaving the pots to dry on the table.

Once Topper had gotten there he had given you a quick greeting and went into the kitchen to get something to drink, accidentally elbowing one of the pots in the process and sending it to the floor, the clay colliding with your tile floor. “TOPPER!WHAT THE FUCK?!”You exclaimed, rushing into the kitchen.

“Its the stealing my hoodies from me and then pretending you didnt for me.”He replied.Your heart dropped as you realized you were wearing his hoodie right now, beginning to freak out when you realised you werent even wearing pants.

 “Shut up.”You replied, squeezing his hand lightly.Kelce came through the door a few seconds later, sighing loudly. “These people are ridiculous-I had to convince them that I was Top’s adopted brother.Did you have to do that?”He asked Rafe, going to stand at the end of the bed.

 “Nope.”Rafe replied.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, staring at Topper. “Concussion?”He asked, noticing the bandage that was peaking out from Topper’s forehead.You nodded, looking between the two boys. “How you feeling?”Kelce asked.Topper grinned, peaking one eye open. 

“Like shit.”Topper replied, a small smile on his face. “How long am I gonna be stuck here?”Topper asked, finally acknowledging the fact that he was in a hospital.Rafe shook his head, looking over to Kelce as if he knew anything about the situation that you and Rafe didnt.

Kelce shrugged, not knowing either. “I mean, with that kind of injury one could only assume a good two weeks or so.You wont be able to drive- (Y/N)- how did you get here?”Kelce asked, realising.You had texted them from the hospital which meant that Rafe hadnt driven you.

You went quiet, feeling their eyes on you. “Uhhh….I drove.”You replied, hoping they wouldnt push further.Topper opened both of his eyes this time, wanting to make sure he had understood properly. “What?”Topper asked, cringing at the lisp he now had.

He shouldve known his voice would sound different.He had literally bit off part of his tongue. “I drove.”You repeated, feeling a bit insecure.Rafe just looked confused, Kelce was shocked and Topper just couldnt believe it.

 “How’d it go?”Topper asked, wanting to sit up when he realised that he couldnt really move that much.You shrugged, trying to figure out why the attention was on you when Topper had literally almost died.

 “I dont really know, kinda just did it.I dont really remember it either.”You replied, feeling Rafe’s hand drift onto your knee, tapping your knee cap.He had been doing it for years.He was awkward most of the time and didnt know what to do if his hand was empty, usually going to hold yours or just touch you in some way to feel more grounded.

 “Why dont you remember it?”Topper asked, unable to grasp the whole situation.Thank god he didnt know that the nurse had told you about his ‘last words’.He wouldve had a heart attack on spot. “I was in shock, dum dum.I was just-just trying to make breakfast and then the fucking hospital calls me and tells me that you drove into a river.”You laughed, a few tears rolling down your face.

Toppers heart beat quickened,squeezing your hand tight. “I said I was sorry...did you at least drink water this morning?”He asked, wishing he could hug you.You laughed, wiping your face. “No, no I didnt cause I thought you were gonna die!”You replied, sniffling.

 “For the love of life, Topper.Keep up.”You let out a shaky breath. “Im trying my best, sunshine.”He answered, not paying attention to Rafe or Kelce.It felt like you were the only one who was actually in the room with him.

 “I mean, I guess its just karma.Have any of us ever left during a movie night?All im saying is I think its like a curse or something.”Topper answered, trying his best to get you to stop crying.Kelce couldnt even think of something to say, the situation was overpowering him.

You just sighed,leaning your forehead against the mattress, staring down at the floor. “Why’d you leave?”You asked, still not understanding the full situation that lead to Topper leaving your house.Rafe shifted in his seat, squeezing your knee, almost trying to tell you not to bring it up again.

 “Just...wanted to go home.”He mumbled, knowing better than to bring up the argument that he no longer cared about.He couldve laughed at it.As jealous as he was as Rafe even he could admit that the son of a bitch cared about you more than anyone and to accuse him of not caring about you was the stupidest thing he had ever said.And that was saying a lot.

SOmetimes he was close to positive that Rafe didnt care about him or Kelce but there was never a single doubt in his mind that Rafe didnt love you.Now he kind of wish that he had died since it would leave you with Rafe and Kelce.

They were both better friends than he could ever be no matter how hard he tried.It wouldve been better for the whole friend group if he had stayed dead. “You have a concussion, bubs.Nothing you say is relevant for the next two weeks.”You joked, feeling the tears roll down your face and onto your collarbones, not even bothering to wipe them away anymore.

 “You have a single brain cell, (Y/N).Nothing you say is relevant.”He replied, laughing a bit.It didnt do much but hurt his head and make his tongue sting. “See?That’s not relevant.”You replied, lifting your head up from the mattress and kissing the back of his hand lightly.

Rafe smiled slightly, glad to see that you were a bit better and that Topper hadnt yelled at him to get out. “You know what?I just think I should say something really important.”Topper announced, thinking that he sounded louder than he actually did.Rafe squeezed your knee tightly, worried that Topper would tell you what he knew and that Kelce would freak out about it.

 “I dont think im allowed to watch tv with a concussion-fuck.”Topper grumbled, hearing Rafe let out a sigh of relief.He noticed Kelce still standing, getting up and asking you quietly if you two could share your seat.

You huffed, standing up and allowing him to sit in your chair, sitting on his lap, feeling self conscious when Toppers hoodie lifted to reveal half your thigh. “I mean, you could always do other things to pass the time.”Kelce replied, sitting down in the chair.

 “Hmm...like what?”Topper asked.Thank god Kelce was an optimist, the rest of you would be absolutely fucked without him. “Like….coloring, reading or….I dont know, thinking.”Kelce suggested, going quiet soon after. “Read what?”Topper asked.

He had never liked reading.Back when you guys were still in school he would refuse to read anything, tossing his homework down as you and Kelce tried to do yours.You usually had to harass Rafe for hours to do his work when all he could focus on was you.He would purposely annoy you just so you’d talk more and get all mad.

Between him and Topper you never got your work done, having to read to Topper so he would get some of his work done. “I could read you the Harry Potter books, ive got them downloaded to my phone.”You replied, a small grin on your face.

Toppers face became red, wanting to protest but deciding that he’d rather have you read to him than continue with the upsetting conversations. “Yeah, okay.”He answered, closing his eyes as you began to read.Kelce was smiling as you read, making comments every once in a while. 

“Wow, what a bitch.”He muttered about Vernon.Rafe squeezed your waist, resting his head against your back.It was some time in the afternoon when the nurse came in to check Toppers IV and give him some more medication. “Theres food available in the cafeteria, a warm soup or something soft would be best for your friend here.”She gestured towards Topper before leaving.

She had given you all a weird look, trying to figure out why a patient’s girlfriend was sitting on the lap of his assumed brother.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, hearing his stomach rumbling. “Alright, well im going to the cafeteria. (Y/N), can you come with me please?”He asked.

You sighed, shaking your head. “Im not wearing pants.”You answered. “Can you stand up for a minute?”Rafe asked.You huffed, getting off of his lap, eyes widening when he pulled off his shorts and handed them right over to you.

Kelce wasnt even surprised, just hungry.You awkwardly pulled up the shorts, tying them tight around your waist and following Kelce into the elevator.Everything was going smoothly until it came to a stop. “What the hell?”Kelce asked, hitting a ton of buttons at once. “Kelce!Stop that!”You smacked his wrist, screaming when the elevator moved slightly, coming to a stop again. 

“What should I do?Im pressing the red button!”He exclaimed as he pressed it again. “I dont know!Press it again!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm. “Oh my fuck-shit dammit!Now we’re gonna die!”You exclaimed. 

“We’re already in a hospital, we’ll be fine.”He answered, pressing the button again. “Kelce!It’s gonna fall!”You exclaimed, holding onto him so tight you were starting to shake. “No its not, its fine.Just wait for someone to come fix it.”He spoke, pulling you onto the floor so you were sitting against him. “It’ll be fine, just wait.”He repeated.

“Im sorry, man.”Topper sighed, looking over to Rafe.THe brunette simply shrugged, not really bothered by it anymore. “Apology accepted.”Rafe replied.Topper let out a sigh of relief, glad that the tension wasnt as strong.

 “But like, can you be honest real quick?”Topper asked, waiting for Rafe to answer. “Yeah, yeah okay.”Rafe replied, dreading what Topper would ask. “Did you guys do anything?”He asked.Rafe frowned, not knowing what to say.

He didnt want to tell Topper something that you werent okay with him knowing but at the same time didnt want to lie. “Yeah, yeah we did.”Rafe replied, holding his breath.Topper simply hummed, letting out a breath through his nose. 

“Were you careful?You know she doesnt….hasnt done those types of things.You didnt hurt her though, right?”Topper asked.Rafe was a bit confused, thinking that Topper would get all jealous and grumpy. “Yeah, yeah I was….she was fine, like she said she was fine and I told her she could….ya know, stop me.She didnt though, I was careful.”Rafe’s cheeks were red, trying not to go into too much depth.

Topper nodded a bit, sighing. “Thats good...so like, are you guys dating now or whatever?”Topper asked, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach.Rafe gulped, not really knowing the answer himself. “I dont know….its all complicated I guess.”He replied, feeling guilty now that he was actually talking about it.

 “Okay...hey, do you think she knows?”Topper asked, hoping you wouldnt walk in at the wrong time.Rafe laughed at the comment. “Damn, man.I dont even know.Like, she obviously knows I do.Ive made it pretty obvious but like...you’ve made it pretty obvious too at this point I think.I feel like she doesnt think anyone would like her like that no matter how obvious we make it.I dont know, I feel like right now wouldnt be a good time to talk to her about this though, lets just not say anything to her.”Rafe muttered, realising he had promised you that he wouldnt tell anyone what you two had done last night

. “Hmm...you know whats fucked?”Topper asked, blinking slowly.Rafe hummed, waiting for him to continue. “I lost my two year streak with her.And you.”The blonde smiled, wiggling his toes carefully.Rafe laughed, pinching his nostrils. “Yeah, thats fucked.”He agreed.

“Nobody’s coming.”You huffed, holding on to Kelce’s hand as you leaned against the elevator wall. “You dont know that.”He replied, not sounding genuine at all. “I dont know….do you wanna talk about something?”You asked, thinking of ways to pass time while you guys were trapped.

He sighed, nodding. “What do you wanna talk about?”He asked, flicking at your fingertips. “I dont know...how are your cousins?”You asked, realising that that’s where he had come from.He chuckled, shaking his head.

 “Alec would not stop complaining about sushi, I guess her favorite restaurant closed and now shes all pissy about it.Shes really fucking tall now.”He sighed, kind of glad that he was able to leave the house.You nodded, trying to think of something else to say.

Alec was his 17 year old cousin, she was nice sometimes but she could also be a lot to handle from what you had heard.She was pretty cool though, always commenting on your instagram posts and hyping you up.It kind of gave Rafe a little competition since she always commented before him.

 “What about Jax?Is he still an ass?”You asked.You had met Jax a total of two times, both times he had called you hot and stared at you.He was 17 so it was kind of weird of him but you hadnt had to deal with him in a good six months.

Kelce shrugged, not having much to say. “Yeah, I dont think hes ever gonna change.He tried to download porn to my phone.”Kelce replied, biting the inside of his cheek. “Hey, is it true that Rafe kissed you?I mean, he told me but I figured he probably just dreamt it.”fuck.

Now everything was coming unraveled and you’d have to figure out how you wouldnt hurt anyone. “Uh...yeah, he did.”You answered, biting your bottom lip.He was silent.That was scary if something was so shocking that Kelce had nothing to say.

 “Alright...so how do you feel about it?”He asked, keeping his voice calm and steady.He was tired of not knowing what was going on, not understanding the new tension between you and Rafe.There had always been something there but recently it seemed to get a lot more serious.

But then again he had noticed the way you held Topper, how you’d sigh whenever the blonde kissed your forehead or when he’d hug you.He didnt really want to say anything, figuring that when you wanted to date one of them you would.

Now he sounded exactly like Topper, you were pretty sure those were the exact words that he had said to you. “Um….yeah, I dont really know.I guess that like im not mad about it but I just...I dont know how to feel.”You answered, knowing that it sounded stupid.

Kelce nodded, understanding. “So do you like Rafe?LIke, you know.”He asked, pulling at the sleeve of the hoodie out of boredom.You shrugged, not knowing the answer. “(Y/N), come on now.I see the way you look at him...its a little bit of something.”He pushed.

You knew he was right but you’d rather die than admit it. “I dont know, Kelce.Its just weird, I guess.Like we’ve been friends for like...eight years and now all this shit is happening.”You answered.

He nodded, trying to think of the best advice to give you. “Alright, well life is too short for shit.If you like Rafe then I think you should go for it.All that matters is that you’re happy and if he makes you happy then you should be with him.”Kelce squeezed your hand, waiting for you to speak.

Of course Kelce would say that.That was the most Kelce thing you had ever heard him say. “Yeah, but I dont think I want to be with him.”You muttered, not knowing how to explain what you were feeling.Kelce was confused, trying his best not to show it.

 “Okay….but why?Do you like someone else at the same time?”He asked, trying to piece everything together.The elevator began to move again, scaring you both. “Shit.”You sighed, holding on to his arm as he helped you up. 

“We’ll talk about this later.”It sounded like more of a question.He had never been great at being assertive.A few staff members apologized, explaining that a patient had went roaming around and they had to stop the elevators to prevent them from leaving the hospital.

Kelce held onto your hand tight as you made your way to the cafeteria.None of the food looked particularly appetizing, eventually deciding on a small container of mac and cheese for yourself, a turkey sandwich for Rafe and finding a sealed bowl of potato soup for Topper.

Kelce had grabbed a few sodas and a gatorade for Topper, reuniting with you as you both went to the line, paying for the food.You two had decided on just taking the elevator again, figuring it would be difficult to walk up the stairs with so much to carry.

Luckily it didnt come to a stop this time, the two of you completing the trip successfully and walking back into the hospital room.Rafe and Topper were laughing about something, Rafe sitting in his boxers.It was quite funny.You all ate in a pretty much silence, having to help Topper elevate the upper half of his bed so he could eat properly. 

“I hate hospital food.”Rafe sighed, biting into his sandwich while keeping you balanced on his left thigh.He tried to ignore all of the thoughts he was getting, figuring that the lack of caffeine in his system was making him horny.

That first night in the hospital had been the hardest.You were the only one who was allowed to stay while Kelce and Rafe had to go home.You had given Rafe his sweatpants back.

He decided that he needed to talk to you, taking your hand and getting far away from the room where the trauma patients were seperated from the elderly. “How are you?”He asked.You kind of wanted to punch him.What the hell kind of question was that?

 “I just...im fine.”You forced yourself to grin, not wanting to be rude.He licked his lips, looking around. “Thats...not what I meant.”His face flushed a bit, his ears pink. “oh-oh....um, yeah im fine.”You repeated.He hummed, hands ending up in the pockets of your hoodie.

 “Thats good....im sorry that I went so fast, I know you wanted me to be gentle.”He apologized, kissing your forehead. “Its fine, Rafe.”You answered, hugging him.He huffed, accepting the hug. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I can stop by your house and grab you some clothes.”He offered, staring down at you.You nodded, accepting the offer.He leaned down, kissing you gently, feeling himself get weak.

You pulled away after a moment, kissing the tip of his nose before standing on your tiptoes to kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”You grinned, kissing him gently. “Alright, text me the clothes that you want...do you want one of my shirts?”he asked, smiling when you nodded. “Alright....okay, tomorrow.”He repeated, finally letting go of you.

You ended up staying up for a majority of the night, holding Topper’s hand as you read to him, switching from Harry Potter to short stories.He had moved over in his bed ever so slightly, groaning in pain, staring at the small empty space he had made.

You took the message, hesitantly laying next to him, becoming stiff when he wrapped his good arm around you and let you rest your head on his shoulder. “You’re cold.”He mumbled, holding you tighter.

The nurse came in to wake him up every hour and a half since sleep was bad for concussions.You barely got any sleep, more focused on listening to make sure his heartbeat was steady.

Rafe and Kelce came at seven in the morning with coffee and donuts, a container of chocolate flavored yogurt for Topper.Rafe had stuffed one of your backpacks full of clothes, grabbing whatever he thought would bring you comfort.

He had grabbed you a new shirt from his closet, a mint blue and purple striped polo that was pretty long on him which meant it would fit you like a baggy dress, spraying it with his cologne.

He grabbed your facewash for you, a hairbrush, some hair ties, some socks, soft pants and some loose fitting shirts.He felt a little guilty for looking through your bras and underwear but he knew he couldnt just not bring you some, grabbing a few random ones and stuffing them in the bag.

He grabbed your polaroid camera and a few of your photos, thinking that you might show them to Topper.You were glad to be able to change into some pants, thanking him quietly and slipping in the bathroom to change, sighing when you noticed how wattery and irritated your eyes looked, changing into the shirt that you had seen Rafe wear a couple of times, sniffing it and feeling a calm sensation run through your body.

You sat at the foot of the bed, pulling your knees to your chest as you drank your coffee, taking long, slow blinks.That had been your first day without sleep.It wasnt until the third day that Kelce and Rafe were becoming really concerned.

It had began to rain outside, Kelce and Rafe were trying to convince you to leave and go home. “No.”You answered, sitting in one of the chairs.Topper was asleep.“No-no, you.We’re going home- dont give me that look.You can come back tomorrow but tonight you’re going to sleep in your bed, okay?”Kelce asked, not really giving you any options, picking up your bag.

 “No.”You repeated, wanting to scream when he grabbed your arm, bringing you outside the room. “(Y/N), you havent slept in days.Just come home.”Rafe tried to convince you, going on to explain that you could ride with him or Kelce and then tomorrow the three of you would go into Rafe’s truck and Kelce could drive your car back to your house so you didnt have to worry about it.

You agreed eventually, going back into the room to say bye to Topper, kissing his cheek. “Hey, dont worry about me.Got it?If I find out you were worrying about me im gonna break all your flower pots.”He threatened, a small grin on his face.

You had decided to drive with Kelce, holding his hand as he drove on the wet roads.He was careful to drive slowly so he wouldnt freak you out, informing you that Rafe was going to go stop at a Papa Ginos to grab you guys dinner.

Your house felt foreign to you, the couch not comfy anymore.Kelce frowned, noticing your discomfort. The anxiety felt like it was eating away at your brain.Kelce tried to think of a way to help, the thoughts not coming so easy to him anymore.

The stress was building up inside of him, the stress from dealing with everyone elses problems combining with his own. “Come on.”He grabbed your hand, bringing you upstairs.

Your legs were tired from being held to your chest or bent at uncomfortable angles so you could lay in the hospital bed.He opened the door to your bedroom. “Lay down.”He told you, hoping his voice hadnt come across as creepy.

You raised your eyebrows, not understanding why he was telling you to do this but going along with it anyways.He got onto the bed next to you, wrapping an arm around your toso, one of his legs resting across your thighs with his head directly under your chin.

 “What are you doing?”You asked.You couldnt deny it, it was quite a comfortable position. “Im trying to help.I saw this thing on Tik Tok the other day that if you lay on someone its like a weighted blanket and helps with stress.”He explained, pulling your comforter up over your bodies.

It only took you a matter of seconds to fall asleep, Kelce grinning.The feeling of cuddling someone helped him too, a small sigh escaping his lips as he closed his eyes as well, falling asleep before Rafe pulled into your driveway with a pizza in the backseat.

@sweetlittlegingy    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway  @one-stella @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602  @sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @wldflwrskyee @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm  @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @teenagekook​  @multifandombabies @i-love-scott-mccall​

Comment with a star emoji if you’d like to be added to the series taglist.

[botanyshitposts]

How early in life do you realise you're interested in botany and want to be a botanist? I found your interest in it somewhat endearing to watch. - Love from Borneo...

omg to get this ask right after publishing that ask about stealing wisconsin fast plants in the 6th grade.... i know ive told this story before but its been a while since my last ‘how did i get into this’ ask so:

okay. always knew i wanted to get into biology. was dinosaur/paleontology kid, then veterinarian kid, then zoology-but-not-too-passionate-about-anything-but-wolves-kid, and then it was in like, early high school and they sent out this thing about an opportunity for unpaid internships through the local community college. like. ‘help out the community/check out various job opportunities’ type stuff. at this point i kind of half-heartedly told people i wanted to be a pharmacist and that was my vague future plan, but for this they had us pick 3 options and one of the openings was for a person to help at a family-run retail greenhouse in town. got the internship. cool. 

i mostly did manual labor around the greenhouse, but i also got taken behind the scenes where they showed me like, how they get these plants from corporations. the dude who ran the greenhouse showed me the catalogs they got from these giant companies and showed me seeds in test tubes sent to them and all this stuff, and plants started to unfold for me as a science. like. these companies were doing jurassic-park type stuff with these plants. it occured to me that the plants that were being sold were literally created to look pretty for us, or to grow big fruits and vegetables, etc etc, and it was like...it kind of freaked me out. this was also a little after when USDA APHIS and several related international government plant regulation branches found out about a ton of GMO petunias that were being sold to the public without the proper testing and documentation by several large seed companies; they let the retailers keep them, but ordered the companies to literally incinerate, bury, or destroy any and all illegal seed and plant matter. 

this was very fucked up, so of course i was fascinated and i started seeing plants as a whole in a very different way. i’d come home every day and tell my parents about whatever crazy shit i learned, which they got tired of pretty quickly, but i wasn’t stopping there. i wanted more plant information. i built a big wooden tray thing and started growing random plants in my room, not really with any sort of scientific goal aside from watching them and wondering about... whatever. eventually, this kind of general hyperfixation made me generate the question of whether or not plants generated heat, which i googled and was not satisfied at the answers for: they can, and plants that can are called thermogenic plants, but none of the pop science articles i read could explain exactly how it worked, and like, i was in it to see all the details, baybee, and i ended up reading scientific journal articles with absolutely no idea of how scientific journal articles are set up, how to read them, or what any of it meant. and i loved it. 

so that was my first dive into that, and it was around that time that i started this blog to contain my ongoing passion to stop boring my parents, and then i just...well i did more stuff and worked some other plant jobs that i’ve talked about before on here, some which involve more wild stuff than others, but long story short, that was how i ended up accidentally stumbling into this interest/career path via the very specific question of how plants that heat up Do That Thing. 

also: borneo! yall have some fantastic pitcher plants. some absolutely amazing carnivorous lads. like, congrats 

[tempestuous-cosplay]

just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.

[dreamsafterhours]

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: III (donghyuk's pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: mark+my/n (fem), donghyuk+dy/n (fem), platonic!mark+dy/n, platonic!donghyuk+my/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college bf warning: some swearing

masterlist

or click here to meet your soulmate, eng lit!mark!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

III: 별빛이 내린다 샤라랄라랄라라 (2+2=4)

the meeting of two souls: donghyuk & dy/n

welcome! back and to the next part

in which things actually happen! yay

so. up until this point

it’s been quite obvious i hope

that this is the one where The Soulmates Meet™

and this one right here is the one where donghyuk meets his future wifenew best (not) friend

dammit this is a set plot with SET relationships

yeah

major spoilers for future parts but hey :) y’all know it i know it let’s just.

let’s get to it!!

that day you accidentally sleep in after a late night and walk into your lecture looking pretty trashier than you would normally a few weeks into the first sem and you’re already tired it’s okay bby aww

and mark suggests skipping the next lecture and going for coffee instead

you’re like ok lmfao free coffee for me yay thanks marcus i owe you one

and to make up for the lecture he suggests he join you and your roommate with his own roommate in the library later that day to study the material you’d missed out on

so you’re like sweet study group hell yeah and apparently his roommate is also in biomed like your roommate? hey they might get along pretty well it’d be nice to have roommates in the same faculty hey

little do you know you little cutie you uwu

mark takes you to a cafe to buy you your favourite drink and a croissant bc you skipped breakfast again and he cares about his friends ok plus he was eyeing that donut next to the savoury menu in the glass cabinet and he would have felt bad if he got something to eat and you didn’t

you sit down, sipping your drink at the window seats and wishing your fatigue away

laughing with mark about what you slept so late for

my/n had been ranting about her love life again or perhaps lack thereof,,

don’t worry tho

after you’d gotten her to sleep, you’d gotten major feels for an essay question that you’d been tasked with due in a week but you hadn’t touched it until last night

staring at the prompt for at least half an hour trying to get your head around it and wondering what the hell you’d write about

but like they say

starting is half of it

so when you start spinning your words and getting into the writing mood

you accidentally wrote an entire draft without realising

albeit being full of loose ends and points you need to refine, etc., it was a decent body of work that you’d tackle for a few more nights before turning in

a skeleton, you’d called it

“a skeleton?”

“yeah. next thing i need to do is.. flesh it out”

“.. literally”

cue mark’s small pause

/inhale/

/MANIACAL LAUGHTER/

you know how mark’s laugh is very how do i put this into words hm dictated

you can HEAR each HA and they’re separate syllables yet sometimes they can vary in tone and length right it’s usually the more consistent HAs before he kinda loses it and starts throwing himself around

it was that laugh

honestly man finds everything funny his laughing threshold seems so low

and no matter how unfunny you are he WILL laugh at anything you say

and you’ve been doing it a lot lately

you could say literally any random thing and he’d already be ready to laugh (see Figure 1.1)

Figure 1.1

you: /snort/

mark, already giggling: “what”

you, still sniggering: /touches his elbow/ “arm knee”

mark: /inhale/ gotta live and breathe that oxygen

mark: HAHAHAHAhahAhaHAHAhahAhHa (decrescendo.. cRESCENDO)

^ that but looped, with intermittent slaps to your arm

anyways you never fail to make him fall out of his chair in laughter

but enough of that. dy/n is donghyuk’s y/n for a REASON ahEM

so after you finish up your breakfast at the cafe you go back to your dorm to take a power nap and recharge before your library session you were going to stay awake but mark forces you to take a nap and you’re like bro you just fed me caffeine now you want me to sleep??

then he tells you he ordered your drink decaf

you turn to him real slow

“.. you sick traitor. how dare you besmirch my name so. you scorn my forefathers and our dependence on the holy bean’s juices. betrayal runs rampant in your soul and mine stands at the mercy of your choices, them informed by the devil himself”

mark: /shrug/ “placebo effect yeet. hey, it worked for a bit. now you should really go home and get your sleep”

and he drags you back to your dorm and waves you off before going to his next class

you’re lowkey grateful for it tho when you take a shower and collapse onto your bed, falling asleep in what you think could be half the time you usually take

dreaming about losing your airpods and mark yelling at you to be more careful and then you two fighting bc you’d just lost your $300 bean sprouts but you could have sworn he took them

then police sirens went off out of nowhere and both of you were being arrested for assault and thievery

why you were the one being arrested, you had no idea but it’s a dream nothing follows the guidelines of hard reality anyway

just as you’re about to be handcuffed, you think to yourself, nope. i have a library session to attend. ain’t nobody got time for this shit

and you just

wake up

but the sirens are still continuing?? so you’re like ? is my building surrounded

they’ve come for me

even though you haven’t exactly broken any laws or have you

and you realise it was the alarm you’d set in time to get ready for your library session

so you grab your stuff and leave for the library, double checking with your roommate over text to make sure she was on her way

her lab class was taking longer than usual so she tells you she’ll be 10 or so minutes late

so you tell her you’ll be saving a seat for her and call mark to let him know you’re on your way to the library

“oh i’m already here lol. alright, i’m waiting for you outside”

and sure enough, you see him leaning on the wall of the entrance, eyes on his phone

you consider calling out to him but before you actually do, he glances up and spots you walking over tf do you have psychic spatial awareness mark

smiles and takes his corded earphones out

“you seriously need to upgrade those”

“they work fine”

“nop i’m getting you airpods for your birthday”

“dUdE thEy’RE tOo ExPEnSiVe. nO dUDE NoO”

“nOP. i’m GOING to buy you EXPENSIVE BEAN SPROUTS for your LIFE DEBUT ANNIVERSARY and you CAN’T STOP ME”

at this point i should just put /MANIACAL LAUGHTER/ and you should know what laugh i’m referring to

/MARK LEE’S MANIACAL LAUGHTER/

/MLML/ for short

nvm it’s fine it’s kinda fun to type /MANIACAL LAUGHTER/

literally mark laughs in bolded italics i’m just sad i can’t underline it on tumblr unless it’s a link lmfao

n e ways

i digress

you shush him because you’re about to walk into the library

“qUIET DOWN marcus” turn that sh down for quiet new dawn

the library is almost full for the day but after a minute or two scouring the building you find an empty four seater in the middle of nowhere it’s CRAZY you can NEVER find a MIRACLE like this life couldn’t get better

i’m sorry

you speed walk to claim it even though there was no one else in your vicinity to threaten your territory

mark laughs at you trying to get to the table as fast as you could without all out running

getting out your things, you send a photo of your seat to your roommate and tell mark to send it to his roommate as well so they know where to find you

you start watching the lecture online while taking notes and since you’re not in the lecture theatre you can talk more audibly with mark not that you don’t talk in the actual lecture too,,

maybe you do text a lot,,, during class

mark usually says things like “.. implications of what now?? interpretation of huh?” to which you reply “i want cheese when i get home”

and he has to stifle his laughter while you keep your straight face and continue writing your notes he admires this ability ngl

and so while you’re watching it on your computer

you can say things like “fuck. i want pickles”

and mark will /throw himself back/ and cackle and probably say some shit like “DIDN’T YOU HATE PICKLES??” between his giggles

and you’re like “yeah. fuck pickles but like. fuck. pickles”

he almost falls off his chair at this point

but when he balances himself again he spots someone down the corridor and wave them over

“oii! over here dude”

you turn to glance at them to expect his roommate, but you see your own roommate talking to someone and wave her over as well

“heYY my/n”

you see the other person turn to your roommate and tell her something, , then she says something back

which is apparently shocking to them, because he glances over at mark and then at you

and then he looks again when your roommate points straight at you

to which you’re like ?? hi? y u look me

and then they both start laughing

you wonder if they were laughing at you or smth until mark’s like “tf is that idiot doing”

and u look at him like ? what idiot

“that idiot. the idiot roommate i told u about. the one who called u a homewrecker”

and you’re like

wait

[info clog]

wait

[error]

“wait”

“what”

“that’s your roommate?” u point at the boy next to my/n, who r both still laughing at something going all “wOW r u KIDDING” he has a loud voice

and mark’s like “? yeah”

and you go

“.. the girl next to him is my roommate”

mark: “wait what”

that’s what she said

at that point they’ve made their way over to the table, still trying to hold in their laughter

you start to introduce your roommate to mark, who’s still confused by the situation

you: “mark, this is my/n, my/n this is mark”

my/n: “nice to see you again mark”

you: “wait. again?”

mark: “yeah we’ve met. hi my/n”

you: “what”

mark: “yeah”

my/n: “yeah”

his roommate: “yeah”

you:

you: “i feeling like i’m missing something here”

turns out

surprise surprise

that one friend that my/n had made in her biology class was mark’s roommate oh my god they were roommates

whose name, you are told, is lee donghyuk

magical moment

us watching: heh 🤤

u can’t help but do a lil body scan from head to toe bc he a fine piece of cake we all know that

honey skin, oversized white t shirt, black pants, sneakers and lighter brown hair that looks fluffy the type of fluffy that makes u wanna touch it

yes he’s good looking. yes

yaaaaas

then mark tells him your name

“she’s the one i said reminded me of you”

“r u talking abt me behind my back marcus??”

donghyuk laughs and holds out a hand for you to shake

“what kinda coincidence is this?? i adopt your roommate, you’re dealing with mine”

“oh you’re gonna have to get in line to adopt her, i’m her legal guardian, sorry donghyuk”

to which he goes

“lmfao then we’ll both be her parents”

“k but i’ll keep her on the weekends. you see her on the weekdays”

then he wipes his smile off his face and he’s like “who said we’re split”

mark and my/n are doing the /MANIACAL LAUGHTER/ at this point

mark: “so ,, seriously what are the chances”

you: “this quartet,, it’s fate guys it’s fate there’s no way about it”

yes it is. yes. it is

even that four seater table was free because of fate

donghyuk: “this calls for drinks later. we all free? no 9am classes tmr?”

my/n: “we have a physics prac at 8:30 dingus”

donghyuk: “ah shit”

you barely got any notes for that lecture for at least an hour because you end up talking altogether throughout the session but once you remember you’re in a library to study you request a ceasefire and agree to study for a bit which,, you gotta admit ,, isn’t really productive because you’re so excited to meet someone new

but the best part about the day was when you notice how many times mark is glancing at your roommate while she’s reviewing her notes, completely oblivious

donghyuk complains that he’s hungry after another hour or two and you suggest you all have dinner together

donghyuk leans back in his chair in a stretch, his jumper lifting up a little over his jeans and showing a bit of his belly “ah i’m craving chinese”

you perk up, “mE TOO”

so you all go to your favourite chinese place just outside campus where you find out that mark and my/n have the same taste and so do you and donghyuk

he points and u and goes “oH?”

“jjAMPPONG? U TOO?”

“the ONLY DISH EVER”

mark and my/n: jjajang is fine : )

you and donghyuk: “JJAMPPONG IS SUPERIOR”

give him a bro five with the shoulder bump and everything

the boys walk you and my/n back to your dorm afterwards

donghyuk and my/n end up walking in a pair and mark walks alongside you

mark mentions how it’d be fun if you made a group chat together

you: “do it”

“i don’t have your roommate’s number tho”

you’re smiling wickedly at his reaction “?? ASK HER FOR IT”

“dude what?? no u make one and i’ll add donghyuk to it”

“bRO JUST ASK”

“wHAT NO U DO IT THEN”

so u go

bet

and you call out the two biomed kids walking in front of you

“hey donghyuk! give me your number i’ll make a group chat”

“sure lol” and you open up a new contact to let him type his number into your phone

he saves his name as hot boi hyuk ✌🏻

which you just leave bc you’re busy making the group chat

mark is still astounded that you asked donghyuk for his number so easily

you: hi hello good day

my/n 🌸: yeetus meetus

hot boi hyuk ✌🏻: bow before me

you: here before me lie the beginnings of a new era

you: one born from blood and stone

my/n 🌸: tf is she saying

hot boi hyuk ✌🏻: idk but lets go with it

you: together we rise from the rubble and sort through the debris

hot boi hyuk ✌🏻: yas queen

my/n 🌸: i hate this gc already

you: and we WILL REBUILD THIS EMPIRE

read by marcus the fool 🤡 at 8:21 pm

safe to say you stay up for a good while talking on that group chat while mark just sits idle,,

you honestly don’t know if he’s consciously reading or not maybe he just left his phone on the chat

and thus our quartet is complete,,

and they all lived

happily ever after

but this isn’t the ending tho is it

wink wonk /waggles eyebrows/

this is but the epilogue to the prologue

that doesn’t make sense but n e ways

our quartet has not yet become two pairings

y’all just don’t know what the future has in store for you :)

click here to meet your soulmate, eng lit!mark!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

taglist: @lavellanfriendliness​ 

shoot me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

[dancinginadaydream]

ANGSTY DRACO AND HARRY HEADCANONS ((TW))

so im writing this with caution. these are some *really* sad and possibly TRIGGERING headcanons for some. but they've been bouncing round my head for days (i fckn thrive on angst and sad shit) so i wanted to share.

triggering themes to be aware of before reading ARE:

alcohol abuse

drugs; cocaine misuse

eating disorders; anorexia

self-harm; cutting

suicidal ideations 

imprisonment 

hints at abuse

rough sex

if any of these topics trigger you, i urge you to use your own judgement and exercise caution. please do not read these headcanons if you fear they will trigger you and/or you cannot read things like this. i have given you all these warnings so they don't just appear out of the blue. I have added the keep reading option so that nobody sees them accidentally. The last thing I want is for people to be triggered by even having to scroll past and catching a glimpse of it. Please take care of your mental health! 

most of these are headcanons for draco because i just fckn love draco and think about his life more than any other characters. 

ive put a lot of thought into these. ofc i accept constructive criticism and would be happy for healthy debate if anyone disagrees with any of my hc's!  

DRACO MALFOY:

draco suffers from anorexia. as a slytherin, he desires control over situations (particularly his own). however, his entire life has essentially been mapped out for him and he has lost a lot of his control over his life. as a result of this, when he was around thirteen and had a little more control over his outward appearance, draco started to obsess over his body image. nothing was every quite right. he decided to take control over that and make it to his vision of perfect. so he didn't eat unless he absolutely had to, or he was in important company and his father told him he had to keep up appearances, and even then he would go for a jog and feel ultimately guilty for it afterwards. this ended up worsening during his sixth year of school. all draco wanted was to have some control and often it felt that the only control he truly had was his body image,

draco was imprisoned in azkaban for a year following the trials and the war. it doesn't sit right with me that the malfoys got it lightly, they still did wrong. but draco was only imprisoned for a few months to a year to set an example and to teach him a lesson. he then spent two years on probation/parole. of course he knew that he'd done wrong, he accepted the punishment and it nearly destroyed him,

following his imprisonment in azkaban, draco pretty much changed his entire perspective- he smeared the feared malfoy name according to his father. draco became an activist for muggles and muggleborns, supporting hermione in securing more rights for them. he had intense amounts of guilt for what happened and his imprisonment made him realise that. he had a lot of time to reflect on the man he knew he should become,

after azkaban, draco essentially looked like machine gun kelly. he got a nose piercing, he covered himself in tattoos (mainly to distract from the dark mark on his arm) and he tended to kick about in muggle clothes (like a baggy jumper, hoodies, skinny jeans, doc martens, converse etc). of course that would all settle down as his anger towards his father and family settled. it was an initial act of rebellion to what his family stood for that he didn't agree with,

despite trying to do good in the world and support hermione in her multitude of causes, draco was still haunted by the ideals he grew up with. so he turned to drug abuse, namely cocaine, to distract his mind and still feel a buzz instead of depression. the cocaine addiction also becomes part of his anorexia, leaving him without food because he feels he doesn't need it,

throughout school, draco was a self-harmer. he would cut his thighs to have some form of relief. the reasons for this were almost always depression, but were triggered by individual events such as; not getting a perfect score on an essay (fear of punishment from his father), the issues with his body image, the forceful nature of his parents, the rise of the dark lord, dealing with his sexuality (i see draco as exclusively gay, but tries to be heterosexual for his family's sake and that has a lot of issues within itself). the self-harm subsided after azkaban and when he'd discovered the effects of cocaine (which could be argued that his addiction to coke was in itself an act of self-harm).

basically, no one punishes draco more than himself for his role in the war

HARRY POTTER

harry's never had a normal, easy life. he's either been abused by his aunt and uncle, or he's been fighting the dark lord and his goonies for the entirety of his school career. so after the war, things are settled for him. he's famous, he's being handed things for free, he's got the job he wanted, but he's not happy. because most of his formative years he was constantly fighting to make the wizarding world a better place, the sudden calm and quiet post-war has caused him some major depression issues. this it not to say harry wasn't depressed and anxious before, it's merely been amplified post-war. after the war he experiences feelings of worthlessness and paranoia. he's both ready and not ready to fight again. the world isn't the same and he's not settling well into the new way of living, the calm. his feelings of worthlessness accumulate and harry's friends and family are essentially on suicide watch for a few years post-war. they're worried that harry is going to kill himself. not only is harry suffering with feelings of worthlessness, he has survivors guilt. so many people died in the war and he blames himself. he should have been the only death, in his opinion. he's stubborn so won't believe any of his friends when they say that it's not his fault they died. he's attempted suicide a few times when the survivor's guilt gets too much and due to this he cannot live alone, his friends always have someone with him,

harry becomes an alcoholic post-war. its his way of dealing with things. he rely's heavily on alcohol for the feeling of numbness. it started out, in his opinion, as harmless fun but he became reliant on it. it becomes a problem and on top of his  suicidal ideations, his friends are unbelievably worried. they eventually manage to get him into rehab and he becomes sober, but then he turns his self-depreciation onto something else,

sleeping with draco began as a way of releasing anger and sexual tension. they started sleeping with each other after meeting at a wizarding club - draco was coked out and harry was drunk (probably on something too). their sex started in club bathrooms, anywhere dirty and messy because they just didn't care. then when they eventually went somewhere with a bed (hotel room, one of their flats), the sex became angry and was extremely rough (choking, spanking, scratching, slapping, hair pulling). the type of sex they had was bordering destructive as a result of their pent up anger at the world and each other. but after both of them became sober from their addictions, they continued seeing each other and it blossomed into something special and caring. of course they still had rough sex, but they had plenty of aftercare instead of a rough fuck and go,

not entirely related to the headcanons, can be separated or go hand in hand, but transgender harry potter. imagine harry growing up known as "the girl who lived" and it caused a lot of dysphoria growing up in a world being reminded that he wasn't cisgendered. he came out and the majority of hogwarts was accepting (even draco, he may be a dick but not that much. he would stop bullying harry using she/her pronouns and then use he/him). imagine harry constantly being reminded that he was the girl who lived. after the war, they started coining him as the boy who lived, but there were still pockets of people who refused to accept him as trans.

basically, the reasons i have these headcanons is because i don't think draco or harry would be entirely okay afterwards. they suffered a lot of trauma in the years leading to, during, and post war. that would have massive effects on their mental health and there's no way they would continue being arrogant and cocky - internally at least. they could be that way externally as a result of their trauma, anger at the world, and the need to make people believe they haven't been affected as much.

[intricate-oeuvre]

say it before you run out of time || B. Hardy || part II

part I  part II  part III  part IV  part V  part VI  part VII   part VIII  part IX  part X  part XI  part XII part XIII

Word count: 2k

Summary: Ben and the reader have been friends since childhood. And along the way reader falls in love with him. But it might be too late when another girl shows up claiming that she’s his girlfriend.

Warnings: none, horrible writing tho, puppy overload

A/n: huge thank you to all of you who enjoyed the first part! <3 sorry from answering from my main (@saint-hardy) . also tell me if you want to be tagged into future chapters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girlfriend??? It rang in your ears.

“Pardon, what?” You tried to compose yourself as lump formed in your throat.

“We have been dating for two months now. Well, he doesn’t want to label it just yet nor to go public about it, but I feel he wants more.” She smiled and looked around. That didn’t sound like Ben.

“Oh, really?” Your voice cracked. Were you too late? Thousand thoughts were running through your mind at the moment. You looked around as tears gathered in your eyes, but you didn’t let them fall.

“Yes. He’s really amazing man… He told me a lot about you.” Nina said the last part with distaste while putting her bag on the living rooms sofa and taking a look around the room.

“He did mention that you might swing around sometime.” Nina said while she checked the photos on the wall. Some polaroids and printed pictures with friends, family, his dog and even you.

“And..?” you asked, feeling that something was coming.

“Nothing. When are you leaving?” Nina turned to you with serious look on her face.

“Tomorrow. Why?” You asked, carefully assessing her. Feeling that you might need to go back to the dorms.

“No reason. Don’t you have like dorms to go and studies to do? Homework? Something?” Nina asked. You could feel that she was not the friendliest type of people.

“I have enough time to do those.” You crossed your arms. Trying to calm down.

“Ben gave you a spare key?” You asked nodding towards the door.

“I wondered the same thing. Of course, he did.” Nina said looking you up and down. The fact that Ben had given you his spare key made you felt special, but not anymore as it seemed.

“I’m here to surprise him when he comes here tomorrow. Show me where is his room.” Nina said looking pass you.

“I’ll better show you guest room.” You said with distaste.

“So, you can take his?” Nina scoffed.

“So, you don’t make mess before he arrives.” You could bite too if you wanted to. And sofa in the living room didn’t look too bad.

“I would advise to watch your tongue before I call him and ask you to leave.” Nina said as she went in the guest room you had showed her.

“Sure. You do that.” You mumbled so she couldn’t hear.

Rest of the evening was silent between you two. She seemed like really possessive person. And jealous of you. She had occupied the guest room as her closet and migrated to Ben’s room to watch TV. You were sure she was planning on staying in both rooms. With slight roll of your eyes you reached under one of the sofas and pulled out a blanket and a pillow. Slipping on Ben’s sweater over your head you nestled on one of the sofas. Too lazy to push the glass coffee table out of the way and pull out the sofa, you tried to fall asleep. 

But the only thoughts that filled your mind where those of Ben and all the good time you two had shared. You stared at the ceiling, hoping that your mind would stop running in circles. Tucking the blanket around your chest you reached for your phone. Checking your IG, your dating apps that you hardly used and only usually checked when you were drunk. And you scrolled through your messages. Your group chat Booty Hunters 69/420 with Maddie and Rose seemed appropriate.

y/n: You guys up?

mAdDie: What happened?

y/n: Ben has gf…

mAdDie: WHAT

mAdDie: THE

mAdDie: ACTUAL

mAdDie: FUCK???

ROSAlinda: what? i’ll beat his stupid ass for real

After that you didn’t answer the texts, just let them roll in and shush your friends that you’ll somehow manage. Then you scrolled list and looked at Ben’s contact. Tapping on his name you let your fingers hover over the keyboard. This wasn’t the first time you had been staring at his contact like this. Letting your fingers slide across the screen you started typing.

y/n: im sorry if this wakes you up. But its 1:34 here and all I can think about is you…

You glanced at the text and instead of hitting send, you deleted it, and throwing your phone on the ground, went to bed.

You woke up some time later from someone’s whispers and shuffling near the front door. You quietly sat up, still covered by blanket and glanced behind the sofa to make sure that it wasn’t Nina walking around, but both bedroom doors were closed.

“Shhh… You’re going to wake up Nina, Frankie…” you heard a deep voice whisper near the door. Then the small lamp near the front door lit up. Emitting small glow around the door area. You fucking knew that voice everywhere.

“Ben?” you asked, your voice still full with sleep. He wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow afternoon. Did you accidentally hit send to that message?

Upon hearing your voice, Ben froze.

“Y/n?” your name escaped him in a small gasp.

“Am I dreaming?” you mumbled to yourself as you rubbed your eyes.

“Why are you…? If I had known… You’re not dreaming. Hello.” He seemed puzzled but then softly greeted you, stepping closer. You furrowed your brows for a second, munching on what he said. Shit, it was him!

“Ben!” You gasped, jumping off the sofa and sprinting to him, just to crush your body to his.

“I fucking missed you!” you mumbled as your hands wrapped around him.

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” Ben said fondly as his hands went around your waist and picked you up from the ground to capture you in bone crushing hug. For a moment both of you enjoyed each other’s closeness. Stealing that feeling of home that you associated with each.

He gently let go of you and in that moment, Ben realised that you weren’t fully decent. You were only wearing panties and sweater. Without a bra. HIS sweater. Looking you up and down, he tilted his head while biting his lip:

“Lovely number you have going on here.” He grinned.

“What?” you looked down at yourself.

“Shit! Fuck!” you rushed to your bag to grab some shorts.

“Relax. And besides, it looks better on you anyways.” Ben was referencing the sweater and chuckled at your frantic movements. So, he totally knew it was his sweater. Cool.

“Someone wants to meet you, y/n.” Ben said when he heard small whine behind himself. He had finally taken his pup with him. And you were too excited to finally meet the beagle girl he talked so much about.

“She’s here with you?” You smiled like child.

“Of course.” He turned around and urged Frankie to come closer to you.

“Oh, god! She’s so lovely!” you couldn’t stop laughing as the pup gave you kisses.

“Look, she likes you.” Ben smiled and kneeled beside you two.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Both of you heard tired voice from the hall.

“Nina.” Ben was up and looking at her. If you were allowed to guess then you would say that he didn’t seem so thrilled to see her here.

“Boo? You are here?” Nina’s voice turned into unnatural squeak.

“Hey, Nina.” Ben smiled at her as the named girl rushed to hug him and give him kiss on the lips. Awkwardly clearing his throat, Ben pulled away from her.

“It seems you two have already met.” He said looking from Nina to you, but letting his eyes stay on you.

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl. And it seems you have brought your little pet too.” Nina said with smile, looking at Frankie who was excitedly wiggling her tail next to you.

“Yeah, I know you’re not a fan of Franksta here, but I couldn’t leave her behind.” Ben said apologetically.

“Nonsense. It’s alright until she sleeps in different room.” Nina smiled at him and laid her head on his shoulder. With small nod he agreed.

“Come to bed, boo. You must be tired.” Nina pulled on his arm.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a second.” He kissed her cheek.

“Don’t make me wait.” Nina winked at him and went down the hall.

“Sorry about that.” Ben shuffled awkwardly.

“It’s alright.” You smiled and looked down at Frankie. Still trying to process the fact that he had a girlfriend now. You had no idea how to bring this up. What do you even do in such situation?

“Why are you sleeping here in the living room, I have a perfect guest bedroom that you have never turned down before.” He gestured to the back.

“That’s Nina’s.” You said and petted the pup.

“You know you could just sleep in mine then.” He leaned back against the back of the sofa.

“That’s Nina’s too now.” You said straightening. Ben furrowed his eyebrows.

“Guest room sort of is her walk-in closet now. And I think she sleeps in yours.” You shrugged explaining.

“You could have just said something to her.” He smiled.

“I don’t think that she’s a fan of me either.” You sighed, looking at Frankie with whom you now had something in common.

“Don’t be silly.” Ben’s smile faltered.

“It’s alright, Ben. Your expensive sofas are enough.” You reassured, patting his shoulder.

“I think there might be a horny girlfriend that waits for you.” You tried to joke and not sound hurt. For you it hurt more than it made you laugh.

“Don’t even start. I rather stay with you here that deal with that.” Ben said and walked around the sofa to sit.

“Tired, huh?” You whispered.

“Jetlagged as hell.” He corrected.

“Ben?!” Both of you heard Nina’s voice from bedroom. With roll of his eyes, Ben sighed. You rested your forearms on the back of the sofa and looked at Ben. You quietly admired how he looked even if he was jetlagged. His messy hair, the dark hoodie, the way he sat with resting his elbows on his knees.

“How did- How did you meet—You know, the girlfriend Nina thing...?” You somehow tried to word it, but it only came out as weak whisper. You leaned down, now resting your chin on the sofa’s back.

“At one dinner after shooting. Somehow, she stuck around.” Ben sighed and leaned back, his head laying close to yours as his eyes bore into the ceiling, just like yours couple hours earlier.

“What about it?” He asked turning his head to look at you. His breath hitting your cheek now. You didn’t answer, feeling that your voice would give away how you truly feel, so you only shook your head.

“There’s something wrong.” Ben said as his eyes flickered around the side of your face.

“Is there?” You tried to sound uninterested.

“Yeah.” Ben sat up straight and turned to you.

“Don’t want to talk about it.” You said and walked around the sofa to pet Frankie and distract yourself.

“Is it about Nina? Because I know-” Ben started, but you interrupted him with a hiss:

“I said I don’t want to talk about it! Not now, please.” At the end you seemed almost desperate. With small nod, Ben didn’t say a word.

 “Can I leave Frankie here with you?” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Of course.” You scooped the pup in your arms. The dog nuzzled the sweater with her nose.

“Even she knows it’s my sweater.” Ben chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Sorry, I’ll give it back.” You apologized.

“Nah, keep it.” He stepped closer and pulled the collar of the sweater on your nose.

“Goodnight, y/n.” Ben said with tired smiled. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Frankie’s head, keeping his eyes locked with yours.

“Be good.” He said to his dog and left you there with his sweater over your nose and his dog in your arms. Only now you realised how much the sweater smelled of him.

“Goodnight, Ben…” You whispered and readied to the bed again. Mentally saying to yourself to get to sleep because he wasn’t even thinking about you.

~~~~~~~~~~

tags: @brianandthemays @queen-turtle-boiii @rogahloveshiscar @radiob-l-a-hblah @scarsout @sara-1705 @babydazz

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

[todays-jeremy-heere]

Recap Post

So I’ve had a couple requests for what the fuck has happened so far from newer people to our dandy set of blogs, here it is! Keep in mind this is all mostly improv so if it’s a bit all over the place then oops lol rip. (Older people and other today blogs, feel free to yell at me if I miss anything.) 

NOW INCLUDING LINKS TO CERTAIN IMPORTANT THREADS

The three not main characters in the bmc group are:

Madeline, Thalia (George’s character from Smartphone Hour), and Dustin Kropp

Let’s start at the beginning, a very good place to start :)

So the first activity of these blogs is nothing special, just silly conversations, teasing each other, and because no one is together yet, flirting. But eventually, people pair up so those people are...

Brooke x Rich, Michael x Jake and Dustin x Jeremy

Thalia asks Jeremy and Mr Heere if she can move into their house because she has an abusive father she wants to get away from, they say yes and now she lives with them. Sometime after this Thalia pairs up with Madeline. 

Jake and Chloe keep having childish arguments because they are both still salty about thier past relationships. Jake brings up how Chloe sexually assaulted Jeremy at the Halloween party last year. Tension happens between Chloe and Jeremy where they both think the other hates them.

After a bit Thalia and Madeline break up, this causes Thalia to spiral and she gets a Squip. She is very clearly not ok and whenever anyone tries to reason with her she says she doesn’t need help because she’s perfect. Then, of course, it goes wrong because it always does and she starts threatening to murder Jeremy, whenever Dustin tries to scare her off she does the same to him. There’s a massive completely improvised fight scene at Jeremy’s house (we were all freaking out on the mod discord lol), in which Chloe gets a concussion, Rich nearly gets murdered and Thalia tries to force feed Jeremy Mountain Dew Green...

When everyone wakes up the next day you have some cute shipping junk between some of the couples since their SO was nearly killed. Chloe and Jeremy realise they both don’t hate each other because they actually TALK TO EACH OTHER TO FIGURE SHIT OUT.

Meanwhile, Chloe and Madeline have clear romantic chemistry and everyone can see it but them, they ‘fake’ flirt and go on ‘fake’ dates while saying ‘I cAn’T POsSibLY sEE HoW ShE cOUld LIkE mE’. It’s cute, we all love it.

But it goes wrong when Chloe says that Madeline should keep some distance from her because she’s scared of whatever’s going on between them and that obviously hurts Madeline because they have become really close friends since the blogs started. Madeline spirals like Thalia did and gets a squip, but this time only Chloe is there to help her. Dustin was going to help but Jeremy keeps saying that he can’t go and he’s scared and he doesn’t want ‘this’ so being a good boyfriend, Dustin tries to help him. Jeremy just tells him there’s nothing wrong and Dustin should go help, Chloe. Dustin doesn’t like being left in the dark so he goes (unhappily) but he doesn't get there in time to help Chloe (I SWEAR THIS IS IMPORTANT LATER, https://todays-jeremy-heere.tumblr.com/post/179026525980/jeremy-whats-going-on-why-are-people-saying-i). So Chloe and Madeline have a fight scene and Squip!Madeline loses. (https://todays-chloe-valentine.tumblr.com/post/179030653474/listen-up-you-tic-tac-bitch-chloe)

When Maddie is in the hospital with her you get some really cute lesbian time with Chloe talking to a sleeping Madeline and what not its cute. https://todays-chloe-valentine.tumblr.com/post/179068636659/14102018

Eventually, the two of them (FINALLY) get together <3

Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mental state is getting obviously worse (posts with crossed out text, talking to ‘himself’, stuttering more, ect ect.) but whenever anyone tries to see what’s wrong he gets very defensive to the point of being kinda rude.

Dustin tries to get him to open up one final time, Jeremy says some stuff he shouldn’t have and Dustin breaks up with him, https://todays-jeremy-heere.tumblr.com/post/179194061640/101818 (Note, Dustin was completely justified and not an asshole, Jeremy was hurting both of them. https://todays-dustin-kropp.tumblr.com/post/179194994713/seriously) This sends both of them into a bad place where Dustin is pretty empty and Jeremy is panicky and defensive (and it's very obvious his squip has reactivated, https://todays-jeremy-heere.tumblr.com/post/179216021025/this-is-your-fault-n-no-he-deserves-better-than ).

Chloe and Dustin are good friends so she and him help each other out with their shit its sweet.

Whenever people try to help Jeremy he lashes out and gets very defensive. It’s very obvious at this point that during the fight with Thalia he was squipped, he talks to himself and flinches at nothing, but whenever anyone accuses him of that he adamantly denies it. He refuses to drink mountain dew red.

Chloe tries to talk to him but he yells at her and when she calls him out he starts stuttering an apology and she goes ‘Jesus stop stuttering like that.' This is the wrong thing to say to someone who spent almost a year of their life shocked whenever the speech impediment that they cannot control showed itself. Jeremy gets fucking pissed, obviously. (https://todays-jeremy-heere.tumblr.com/post/179285070845/hey-uh-ive-checked-up-on-dustin-but-how)

Madeline sends him a ‘not so friendly suggestion’ to not shout at her girlfriend. When Jeremy says how she commented on his stuttering Madeline mocks him with a fake stutter and is no help whatsoever. She says she’s sorry that they care enough to ask him what’s wrong. Jeremy has asked multiple times that they treat him like they usually do, even when he’s going through a bad time because he wants one constant thing so he says ‘If you cared about me you’d leave me alone.’ (https://todays-madeline-monroe.tumblr.com/post/179286238797/hey-unfriendly-demand-dont-fucking-yell-at-my)

Jeremy gets worse, anons try giving him an intervention, doesn't work. Chloe tries apologizing but she accidentally makes Jeremy have a mental breakdown which is always fun.

Meanwhile, Thalia finds out that a guy from her English and PE classes got her pregnant. Her mum also died, Chloe is very supportive to her and lends her a dress for the funeral. She generally isn’t having a very good time right now but everyone she knows is being so nice to her and she’s very grateful. (https://todays-thalia-mcarthy.tumblr.com/post/179404119923/hey-i-need-to-borrow-a-dress-for-my-mothers)

In preparation for Jake’s party, Dustin lets Jake know that he’s allergic to red food dye so that it isn’t in any of the food and Dustin doesn’t need to go to the HOSPITAL.

Jeremy and Chloe made up, Jeremy apologises for yelling and Chloe apologises for commenting on his stutter. They end up hugging and Chloe lets him know that even though he wants to be left alone she’s still there for him, when Jeremy starts replying with an explanation of why he can't really talk about it his squip shocks him. Rather than freaking out Chloe calmly deals with it and Jeremy indirectly confirms that he does indeed have a squip. They establish a code so that they can talk about it, green = its talking, yellow = it shocked me, and red = help. Madeline (who acted a lot worse) still hasn’t apologised and Jeremy is still mad at her. This is the post where this goes down >>> (https://todays-chloe-valentine.tumblr.com/post/179403825299/h-hey-i-im-sorry-for-s-shouting-at-you)

Chloe finally gets Dustin to open up about how he’s feeling because up until this point Dustin has just been taking care of everyone but himself. Dustin accidentally implies he’s a murderer to get Chloe to not call him an ‘egg’ but they resolve it. He isn't a murderer (probably). Chloe is everyone’s mother. (https://todays-chloe-valentine.tumblr.com/post/179437193524/someones-been-anonymously-flirting-with-your-ex)

Chloe encourages Dustin to talk to Jeremy and sort their shit out but it goes wrong when Dustin kisses Jeremy twice and Jeremy, who did not consent to that, yeets outta there because he was not ready to do anything like that with Dust bin again and he goes to Chloe’s house and he is obviously upset and he says he feels ‘gross’.

Chloe mother is having none of that shit so she goes to yell at Dustin, she told him to talk to jeremy not to kiss him. Chloe is very mad and not thinking straight (me neither chlo) so she kisses him to try and do a tase of your own medicine type thing but Dustin is just like ‘ew im gay’. Everyone is annoyed at Chloe for this because WHAT THE FUCK CHLOE DO NOT KISS A GAY GUY WHEN YOU ARE A GIRL ESPECIALLY WITHOUT CONSENT.

Madeline, her gf, says that she is terrified of how easily Chloe can hurt people like that and she breaks up with Chloe.

So now Chloe is kinda spiraling but she doesnt get a squip because she’s not AN IDIOT.

Jeremy and Dustin kinda make up, Dustin is obviously extremely sorry and Jeremy gets the circumstances and is way too forgiving in general but yeah. It’s unspoken that they are ok with eachother but they boht kinda silently agree to forget that ever happened and to move past it.

Thalia in general isn’t very mentally ok and she tries to kill herself by jumping off a bridge but Dustin saves her.

AND THAT’S WHERE WE ARE NOW FUCKERS HAVE A NICE DAY.

[teashadephoenix]

11 Questions

I got tagged by @pomegranate-belle <3 I'm sorry this took for fucking ever?!!??

I’ll tag @lioness--hart @fox-in-the-library and @whitegodiva if you guys want to do it? And anybody else, obvi <3

1. How long have you been writing?

Actually sitting down to type stories out? Eight years old. I've been making shit up since I could talk. I have it on good authority I am entertaining to listen to.

2. What are the major themes of your current wip(s)? LONG ANSWER

omg I really dont know. I spent several hours over several days banging on this question in my head both in front of the computer and away from it only to come to the horrified realisation that I Don't Know. *gay panic*

I know the things I like to write about. I like to write about free exchange of culture, of mutual respect and fraternity with your fellow humans (which leads to themes of unity, unconditional love not only of people but of the world, and the gray area of what it means to protect those things without giving in to hate, indifference and intolerance. THE GRAY AREA IS WHERE I THRIVE.)

I like to write about intergenerational relationships (which leads to themes of obsolescence, changing of the guard, and how people, in general, not individuals, never really change. Like, there's For a Good Time graffiti on the walls at Pompeii. That is HILARIOUS.)

I write a lot about family, both born and found. (Everybody has a place and everybody is loved.) I write about mental illness and being queer (which all by itself leads to themes of not knowing your place in the world even if you have one. Frequently comes up against the previously mentioned theme)

So yeah. I don't know. My big WIP, the Aalee Rise series, is about a young woman on the cusp of adulthood going out into the world for the first time. It's her idealism vs reality. The other main characters in that cast are all foils re: various facets of societal structure and ideologies. One challenges her idea of government, another her idea of religion. She falls in love, her loyalties to her brother and parents are tested, she makes mistakes, she fights monsters and saves the world. A lot.

tldr; It's my sandbox and I just wanted to build castles in it. I don't really know if the castles will mean anything when I'm done. I hope they do.

3. What do you want people to take away from your story once they’ve read it?

My greatest ambition is that I could ever write a hero as beloved as the heroes I read about growing up, figures that reminds not to give up hope, to get back up when we're down, that the dark times ahead of us will come to pass.

At best, if I've done that, I'll be ecstatic and satisfied.

At worst, as long as you had a good time, if you didn't throw the book across the room in disgust, I'll take it.

4. Would you be excited if people write fanfiction about your wip(s)?

YAAAAS. I would literally never read it because Im terrified of accidentally absorbing someone's ideas and making them my own bc Christ alive that's a legal nightmare, but yes that would make my life.

And you can have my firstborn if you send me fanart.

5. What’s your go-to writing beverage?

Tea. Really strong and sweet. I make a fresh quart each morning and usually go through it by the end of day.

6. Who is your favorite oc? Tell me about them!

OMG ALL OF MY CHILDREN ARE PRECIOUS. (it's Aalee.)

Aalee Dering is the eighteen-year-old protagonist of my Aalee Rise series.  When we meet her in volume one (Worldwalk) she and her twin brother are setting off on their coming-of-age journey around the country. Her people, the Noruahai, have defended humanity for generations from unearthly creatures called asmic, and if she wants to become a licensed Marshal like her famous mother (and wow, she really, really does) she'll have to prove herself on her Worldwalk.

Aalee thinks with her heart first and always. She loves beautiful things, and all things are beautiful to her. She's quick to cry and struggles with anger, as well as distraction; she has trouble keeping focus. Good for getting into trouble. Not so good when it comes to being a responsible adult.

It would probably be easier if she wasn't of two minds on every single decision she has to make. She empathises with everyone, which can be paralysing-- how can she fight someone whose point of view she gets?

7. Do you feel that mistakes are important learning tools in the writing journey?

Mistakes are learning tools of life, darling. In writing they generally aren't the types that will destroy friendships, health, financial status, etc, which means they're generally easier to bounce back from. Unless you commit career suicide in some way...

8. Rank your ocs by their capability in a footchase (either running after or from smth, your choice)

1. Fall from the Aalee Rise series. He's a complicated human. Without getting into the context of the world he's from, he's hard to explain; but the short version is he's half-ghost so he can basically turn himself into the wind.

2. Rosie Frey from Color of the Stars but only when she's a lion. In her human form she's pretty normal.

3. Lynn Blythe (or any of the other vampires) from Echoes of Eden, because they're cheating cheaterfaces who use mystical vampy powers to be stronger and faster than humans

4. Sendmarshal Henley from the Aalee Rise series. Probably the fastest regular human. Imagine the most beautiful, tall, leggy black woman you can, all lean muscle and elegant grace, and now imagine her scooping you up and zipping out of danger with an easy smile on her face... *fans self* I stan.

5. When running headlong into danger to save someone? Aalee Dering. When running away? Frustratingly, satirically slow. She's one of those idiot heroes who stops to make sure everyone got away okay so Fall's always running back to grab her ("MOVE, IDIOT" "But that little old lady--" "FIRE-BREATHING MONSTERS. MOVE.")

9. Does your wip have romance? tell me about it!! if not tell me about a friendship/important relationship in your wip!! MORE LENGTHY BLAH

Relationships are the driving force of my writing. How one loves or is loved by other people, how they relate and engage with others, is how one grows, in real life and in fiction. There are a number of relationships in all my series that I'm fond of for various reasons. (For instance, even though she cannot STAND him, I'm eager af to write Eden and Lynn's relationship in Echoes of Eden because of how complicated it is.)

And as a rule all of my characters are queer or questioning unless otherwise stated, and I ship everybody with basically everybody else, and almost everybody has a love story in their history. (at least, their parents certainly do because I am a gross vile romantic and these fuckers came from somewhere.)

That having been said, for the sake of brevity I'll stick with Aalee Rise and limit myself to the Big Three: Aalee and her brother Elles, Aalee and her best friend Norah, and Aalee and Fall.

FAMILY: Aalee and Elles are twins. Born together and never separated, which stands out in a world where families are broken up by chaotic circumstances and random death on a regular basis. Aalee is easily distracted and has difficulty communicating her thoughts, so she tends to act on impulse; Elles is forever the cool head and the hand grabbing her by the back of the shirt to stop her from walking into danger. And after eighteen years of this... he's tired of it. He loves his sister, but he longs to see the world on his own terms, walk his own path. And Aalee doesn't share that sentiment. Not only doesn't share it, but is blown away when it comes into play. Her partner in crime wants to break away, and she does not take it very well. The first volume (Worldwalk) explores how their relationship suffers, grows, and changes due to this break.

FRIEND: Aalee's best friend of ten years is Norah. They met as little girls in a monster-ravaged town; Norah was entertaining the youngest orphans with a story and Aalee joined in. The pair of them spent a long night keeping civilians from panicking while Marshals battled asmic beyond the walls of the bunker. They exchanged addresses and became penpals over the next few years, since both of their parents travelled and they were rarely in the same place at the same time. That changed suddenly when Norah lost her father. Since then, Norah's family and Aalee's have lived in the same town. Norah is her warm hand in the dark, her shoulder to cry on, the first person she tells any good news. for Norah, Aalee is the only person (at the beginning of the story, anyway) with whom she can be her real whole self. They love each other no matter what.

ROMANCE: And then there's Fall. Aalee meets Fall when she rescues him from being murdered in a back alley-- except, oops, turns out it was a sting operation to catch the killer because he's not actually the helpless filthy vagabond she assumed he was; he's actually a powerful Marshal who was on assignment. Stuck together for various reasons, he becomes a mentor to her on her worldwalk, while she blatantly digs into the mystery of who he is, which turns out to complicate their lives, the lives of their friends and families, randos they happens across, their enemies, and also God's. To say they fall in love with each other is an understatement of cosmic proportions. They choose each other.

10. Do you believe in the advice kill your darlings?

Yeah but I take the advice as intended; which is not, as most assume, kill your fave characters, but to get rid of that which does not work, even if you love it. That pearlescent line of dialogue, or that golden bit of allegory? Doesn't matter how much you love it and how proud of it you are, if it does. not. work. it HAS. TO. GO. (save it in a new file to reread when you feel down and scrap that shit from the main file.)

that said re: killing characters, in my youth I was very much of the George RedRum Martin camp of "KILL THEM ALL" but as Ive gotten older my main focal point has been "What purpose does their death serve?" Death is not the only sacrifice worth writing. So while I am not afraid to kill my characters, I do take the nature of their deaths in the writing very seriously. There has to be a point.

11. Do you prefer plotting or worldbuilding? Why?

WORLDBUILDING MANYEXCLAMATIONPOINTSGOHERE! Plotting is like the maths of writing. It's measurement, it's brickwork, it's demolition when the wall you put up last week is three feet too long and now you have to scrap it and start over. Vital. But not my favorite part.

Worldbuilding is the art. It's the music your OCs hum and the stories that they treasure and the faith that holds them up when the crap you throw at them might tear them down. It's the story behind the jacket they wear and it's the reason they nod to the altar when they enter a place of worship and it's the meaning of their names. It's the magic. How the world works, the little details that make it real to the reader because it's real for your characters, is my favorite part of writing.

[stillcian1675]

scrapped; i am you, you are me

This is a Woohyun-centric fic that’s kind of crack. Male idol Woohyun meets female judo/weightlifting female Woohyun (Woohee). It’s terribly cliché with shoujo manga tropes lol. It’s not impossible to continue but I guess it really is quite cliche to the point where I don’t feel like investing more time to write it. And uh, I don’t know, I feel like I unintentionally created a potential love line (or hints of it) with how Woohyun and Woohee stumble into each other and I’m not sure what to do with that.

This is probably like the 3rd Woohyun/Woohyun type (ish) fics I’ve written but this is meant to be platonic? Like Woohyun and Woohee are supposed to just help each other figure out their lives and work through their insecurities, which manifest themselves differently in both of them since they have different circumstances, but which are inherently the same type of insecurity anyway. But given how much words were invested into just how they met each other (1.1k ish below), it would take a long time to get to them knowing each other well, let alone learning of each other’s insecurity and helping each other get through those. So yeah. But I still kind of dig the whole male Woohyun being a little more vain/caring of his appearance while female Woohyun is the other way, she cares too much about proving that she’s strong and cool. But deep down they just want to prove themselves while working against society’s perception of them agggdjlkajkldf I don’t know. I have feels for the premise, not sure what to do with the fic itself.

---

I am you, you are me

I.

To be fair, Woohyun should have realised that something was weird when the shopkeeper of the secondhand shop kept coaxing him to take the mirror by the corner of the shop, even giving him a huge discount for it. Unfortunately, he doesn’t because the lady behind the counter suddenly giggles and then shyly calls him “Woohyun-oppa” behind lowered lashes and he thinks the discount is just a fan trying to be nice. So he takes the mirror, discounted price and all, and brings it home because he’s been meaning to get a full-length mirror for his bedroom anyway. This is how it starts.

  Woohyun’s out of the shower, a towel tied around his waist, hair still dripping when he walks past the mirror. Reaching over to his bedside table, he gets a cotton pad, dousing toner on it and begins his nightly routine. As he moisturizes his face, he glances occasionally at the new shiny surface in his room. Over the last year of living alone without a mirror in his room, Woohyun’s gotten used to doing this without a mirror, but now he stares at his reflection as he pats the serum onto his face, because why not? He has little dark smudges under his eyes, he notices, a consequence of writing music and lyrics late into the night and he lightly traces a finger on his puffy undereyes, sighing a little. Figures. He digs out the eye cream he’s gotten lazy with using and dabs on yet another layer of product. After what seems like forever, Woohyun’s finally done, and he’s putting all his little bottles back into his drawer when he suddenly catches sight of something strange.

Was that…something white in the mirror?

This. This is why his mum has told him never to put a mirror in his bedroom, and Woohyun had thought her superstitious but now he’s beginning to sweat a little.

It’s not a ghost, don’t be stupid. Just look up, and you’ll see it’s something lame, maybe a shirt hanging behind, Woohyun mentally chides himself, but he still takes a while before he finally gets the courage to look up. And he immediately startles himself, because –

What the fuck?

He doesn’t fall off his bed, or scream or anything like that, but it’s close. Because, instead of himself reflected in the mirror, there’s someone else. Sure, that someone else has the same face as him, and their eyes are about as wide as his probably are at the moment, but that’s about where the similarities end. Because, that large white t-shirt on their body? Not his; no, he’s in just a loose flimsy towel and nothing else. But that’s not even the weirdest bit. The weirdest bit is, get this – the person in the mirror that looks like him? Has boobs. Boobs. (Boobs which are rather sizable, if you ask him, but maybe that isn’t what he should be focusing on at the moment.)

Woohyun definitely doesn’t scream (he really doesn’t!) but if you ask his neighbours whether they hear a weird strangled cry that night, they’ll tell you that they did.

  II.

The first thing Woohee does when she realises the face in the mirror isn’t hers – well, no, it looks like her, sort of, but thinner, more gaunt, with darker circles under the eyes – is to punch it. Granted, that’s not the smartest move – breaking a mirror is seven years of bad luck, or at the very least, a heck lot of cleaning up – and she counts herself lucky that her fist doesn’t reach the reflective surface of the mirror.

(She’s kind of scared to touch the mirror right now anyway.)

The person on the other side of the mirror flinches, as if expecting to be hit, and she blinks, taking a moment to feel bad because she genuinely doesn’t mean to do anything – it’s just a reflex, to punch, if an unbecoming one – and she almost immediately bows in apology until she realises this is a mirror she’s facing.

A mirror that isn’t showing her her own reflection, but some mostly naked guy with a towel around his hips and whose face looks like her, she reminds herself. It sounds like a bad dream.

…wait, dream? On a whim, Woohee pinches herself, yelping in surprise when it hurts, and she stares harder at the mirror – the guy doing the same, curiously – but it doesn’t say anything about why the new mirror her dad got for her is showing something that is distinctly not a reflection of herself or her room. Still in a daze, Woohee reaches for the mirror before she realises what she’s doing.

  III.

One moment Woohyun’s staring at the mirror, wondering how it’s even possible that he sees a girl with his frigging face in it, and the next moment he suddenly has an armful of something warm falling onto him. He doesn’t fall with his back to the ground but he does stagger a little, before he realises –

“What the actual fuck?”

The girl is standing in his bedroom. And she’s in his arms. Against his chest. She looks as stunned as he is, eye whites visible around her iris and he steps backwards involuntarily, hands up in the air in defense, as if he hadn’t already touched her accidentally (caught her, okay, prevented her from falling flat on her nose), but apparently he’s not fast enough because he still gets a blow in his jaw.

“Aw, what the hell?”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry –”

“Do you punch everything you don’t understand?”

The girl looks at him, mouth opened in a look halfway between apologetic and uncomfortable, and Woohyun suddenly realises his towel has dropped in the midst of everything.

Great.

  IV.

She tries to avoid her gaze, but it’s kind of hard when the guy has a nice body, lean and muscled.

Nam Woohee, get a grip, now’s not the time.

She clears her throat, getting the guy’s attention, and now that he’s looking at her again, she’s not sure what to say.

“Uh.”

A raised brow, a look passed between her and something behind – right, the mirror – and Woohee turns. There’s a mirror behind her, nothing like the mirror in her room save for the fact that they’re both full-length and it takes her a while to realise that something’s wrong.

“This… is not my room.”

The guy frowns at her like it’s obvious. “Of course not, this is my room. So w-who are you and how did you get here –”

“Did I …pass through the mirror?”

The guy stares at her like she’s crazy. “Are you serious?”

Woohee looks down at her bare feet, realises with a start that she’s wearing only a large t-shirt and shorts because she had been about to sleep. She crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, no I don’t know,” she gets out, slightly annoyed now, “All I know is one moment I was in my room, and then suddenly I’m here.” She pauses. “Where am I anyway?”