#what if i tried to write more in august and september

[ellies-enrichment]

ok going to bed with that unusual creativity that hits when my head hits a pillow and what if i tried to write more in october?

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Of claws and waffles

I'm preparing to write the rest of the Steddie Angsty August during my vacation at the end of September, I want to enjoy the rest of the prompts and not be stressed. But in the meantime...have Steve cosplaying as Wolverine, a very judgmental Deadpool Eddie, and maybe a small X-23 too?

"Ugh, can you believe that?" Eddie gestured towards a guy in his mid-thirties dressed as the Wolverine. "Another jock jumping on the bandwagon without knowing anything about the comics. Saw it once in the movie theater, thought the costume would do wonders for his arms, bought it on ebay. I'm gonna be sick in my mask."

Even through the limited visibility of his Deadpool mask, Eddie saw Chrissy roll her eyes at his theatrics. "Go ahead. At least you'll wash it after the convention. By hand, because as you told me, the fabric is sensitive."

He just grumbled. She was right, as usual.

"You are so full of self-righteous fury, Eddie, but even through the mask, I can see you staring at that man's ass. And shoulders. And everything."

He threw his head back, almost howling. "Now you're just being mean."

"Plus," she continued, disregarding her best friend's whining, "You're not exactly being fair. You don't know him."

Now he rolled his eyes, but of course she couldn't see him. "I know his type. He's the high school sweetheart who spent most of his time in the gym or practicing moving his godly body or something."

 Chrissy smiled at him, that overly beaing smile that told him in an instant that he'd said something stupid. "Ah. So like me."

"I..." he gulped, "I think I'm just going to shut up now."

He tried looking around for something, anything to redirect the conversation. Suddenly, a perfect topic changer appeared in his sight. "Okay, but that's the cutest thing I've ever seen," he nudged Chrissy and pointed at the scrawny girl, twelve or so, dressed up as X-23. "Her parents must be amazing."

Chrissy's laughter rang in his ears. "Oh, I agree," she said. As if she knew something he didn't.

He choked on his words when the girl ran back to THAT Wolverine and took his hand. "Oh for fuck's sake."

"You said it," she nudged him. "Amazing parents."

As if that wasn't humiliating enough, before Eddie could find a shovel to dig a hole to disappear into, the girl noticed him and her face split in a wide smile. "Dad! Dad, look! Mr. Pool!" She started leading him to Eddie and Chrissy through the crowd.

Oh cool. If only Eddie could do something dignified to avoid the meeting, like faint or vomit, that would be awesome. But he couldn't disappoint the girl. She had a look of absolute joy in her eyes, and he'd be damned if he was the one to make it disappear.

So instead, he leaned into the character.

"Look at you, aren't you the cutest little clawed thing I've ever seen!" he announced to the whole world. "The deadliest tiny creature, very ferocious! Yes, you are!"

He knelt down to her level and even through the consistent noise of the convention, he could hear her giggling. "I am!"

"Come on, tiny terror. Give me your best Wolverine-y growl!"

To his delight, she crouched, imitated the battle pose of X-23 and roared at him like a dinosaur. Then, in a more quiet tone, "Was that good?"

"Good?! Only good?! Do you hear her, bub?" he addressed the Wolverine who hovered over both of them. "You, little lady, were absolutely amazing! 10/10, no notes, this is your calling in life."

He felt someone move behind his back, and of course it was the traitor, ahem, Chrissy, approaching them with a camera. "I'm sorry to disturb you guys, but you make such an amazing group. Can I take your picture?"

And okay, maybe Eddie misjudged the Jockerine, because the guy ruffled X-23's hair and told her, "OK, just this once, you can say it. Swearing permitted. Ready?"

They pulled Eddie to them, and as he unsheathed his katana replicas, the Wolverine and his daughter crouched, roared at the camera, and said together, "Let's fucking go."

Eddie's traitorous mouth said exactly what he was thinking. "Oh my god. Are you single?" Which was objectively a stupid thing to say even to someone he'd met longer than two minutes ago.

The Wolverine blinked at him.

X-23 giggled and said: "dad is single. Maybe he doesn't have to be now?"

To the guy's credit, he didn't seem offended. He just laughed and ran his hand through his absolutely majestic hair that was perfectly stylized into Wolverine's. Shit. The hair. First the body, the face, and now the hair. "Now, El. Mr. Pool here probably doesn't want to be matched with the first Wolverine he sees."

And maybe it was the costume that made him so brave, but the guy was hot, nice, and his daughter was adorable, so Eddie wasn't to be blamed for what he said next, okay? "Uh, actually," he raised his hands, "you're perhaps my tenth Wolvie or so. And clearly the superior one. Having this absolutely adorable - and terrifying! - young lady by your side is also a plus. So...and feel free to stab me, or maybe just tell me no, but - I saw a really nice waffle stand outside. Let me treat you and...El?" The girl nodded, beaming at him. "...to a waffle? Or coffee, water, your choice."

El tugged at the guy's arm again. "Waffle!" she whispered so loud even Chrissy heard it.

He smiled at Eddie, and fuck. Eddie was a goner. "I think that's a yes."

...

Chrissy had ditched them to go hang out with her girlfriend, so Steve, Eddie and El were on their own.

They were sitting outside, Eddie slurping his bubble tea through a straw, mask still in place except for the bottom of his face, Steve - as the guy had introduced himself - sipping his coffee and diligently watching El chatting with other kids, nibbling on her waffles.

"So, is this your first convention?" Eddie asked. "Your kid is amazing, man. She's so happy to be here and she makes an amazing X-23."

Steve smiled and peeled his eyes from El for a second. "Yeah. I promised to take her this year, but after she saw Logan and the third Deadpool movie, she begged to go in a costume. And I just couldn't say no to her."

"She saw..." Eddie coughed. "Steve, sorry to question your parenting, but isn't she a bit too young for those movies?"

"Oh, she is," Steve snorted. "And she shouldn't have seen them. But we live alone, so I usually watch movies at home when she goes to sleep. If she goes to sleep. As she should."

"Are you telling me-"

Steve nodded. "Yep. She's incredibly sneaky. I found out the hard way when I finished the latest Alien and went to check on her in her bed. She wasn't there. I almost had a heart attack, turned the house upside down. I was about to call the police when she peeked at me from behind a curtain that I checked at least twice, and she was asking me if I was mad at her. So...uh. We discussed quite a lot from those movies afterwards, but there's no stopping her if she wants to do something."

Eddie laughed so hard he almost breathed in a tapioca pearl. "Oh wow. But good parenting! Not that I'm one to judge."

Watching El share waffles with her new friends, Steve pressed his lips together. "Yeah, I don't know about that. I'm just doing my best here, but I'm constantly terrified I'm doing something wrong. I adopted her, you know. From...a very bad situation. She couldn't properly talk or anything. So when she saw X-23 on screen, I think she related to her somehow. I've never seen her so excited about anything, so the costume was a must have. She's looking forward to going next year as well, when her hair finally grows long enough. Wig," he added at Eddie's confused silence.

"I mean, I get that," said Eddie as he set down his empty cup. "Cosplaying can be therapeutic. It's actually what my therapist suggested when I got...uh. Injured. And also how I got into cosplaying Deadpool."

"Injured?" Steve didn't sound judgmental, only curious, but Eddie had been in this situation before. Time to rip of the bandaid. He pulled off his mask and forced himself to meet Steve's eyes. "Uh. Yeah. Injured."

He knew he wasn't Deadpool kind of disfigured, but he was well used to the stares in his daily life. He kept the hair, which, hooray, good for him. But he had ugly bite scars on his neck and jawline, some going even to his cheeks. A chunk of his ear was missing too. "It was a dog when I was a kid," he said so that Steve wouldn't have to ask. "Plastic surgery is an option, they say, but it's expensive. And I don't really feel like having my face cut open again, so...yeah." 

"Wow. I'm sorry."

Eddie took a deep breath. "Well, yeah. Not great. Listen, Steve. I'm super confident behind the mask, and thank you for humoring me. But this," he pointed to his face, "is usually a deal-breaker for people. So if it is for you, that's fine."

"It's not."

Eddie blinked. Then again. That wasn't how it had usually gone. "Huh?"

"I mean," said Steve, and shit, he laid his hand on Eddie's knee, when was this his life? What was happening? "I'm sorry it happened to you, but I don't get why it should matter."

"Uuuuh...because you're like, super hot? And you might want someone like that next to you?"

Steve snorted. "Bold of you to assume I don't have my own gnarly scars. I was just more lucky in their placement." When Eddie stared at him, he added: "I'm a paramedic. It happens. I rarely have time for anything, not to mention dating, but when I see a cool and funny guy give my daughter the ultimate Deadpool experience - by the way, waffles are her favorite food - and then he asks me out for a coffee? Hell. I'd be stupid to refuse."

Oh. Eddie suddenly felt a bit like crying. He forced himself to speak up, to have that final confirmation. "So, uh...this," he pointed at his face, "isn't a problem?"

"Nope. And, if you'd like a sort of quote from the first Deadpool movie with that..." Steve laughed, and Eddie knew what was coming even before he said it, "After some talking and getting to know each other...it's a face I'd be happy to sit on."

Eddie grasped at his chest. "Oh wow. You truly know the way to a man's heart."

He laughed and winked at Eddie. "This is the part when you ask for my number."

Eddie had never pulled out his phone faster in his life.

..

Much later, after Eddie showed El around the convention, after many pictures and wonderful memories, Eddie ran into Chrissy again. He was about to introduce her to Steve and El properly, but Chrissy smiled at him - once again that all knowing smile, why?! - and waved at her girlfriend.

"So, Eddie. I see you've met Robin's best friend, Steve."

Robin snickered and pressed a quick kiss against Chrissy's temple. "See? I told you they'd be a great match."

And, before Steve or Eddie could say anything, Chrissy picked up her camera and captured their disbelieving faces. They would keep the picture forever - Steve's mouth hanging comically open, Eddie just staring blankly into the camera, and El happily chewing on the last bite of her waffle.

[hugshughes]

betty C. Bedard

Connor Bedard x fem!reader

synopsis - senior year starts, and Connor tries to fix everything after you were left torn to shreds after rumors all summer spread through your small town that Connor had a fling with someone all summer. a fling that supposedly began not long after the messy and unclear "end" of your relationship with him.

wc - 5k

contains - based off of Betty so... <\3. but not that bad because it's less James (Connor) being a douche and more teenagers love to spread rumors and misinformation!!!! crying, sadness, anger, shouting :( but also!!!! touching, hugging, kissing, making out a little bit. reader is 17, and her birthday isn't exactly clear but it's in september. Connor is a jealous teenage boy, and reader is a jealous teenage girl <\3. OH also my high school was 4 periods with over 2000 students and home room was just first period??? i know others are obvi different but that's just what im going off of!

an - hai!!! me when i cut lyrics like this when they don't exactly match how im writing the fic >_< i missed u people. i'm very genuinely sorry i've been gone but i genuinely have had one of the best summers of my life. IM SORRY A CHORUS GOT CUT IT WAS GONNA MAKE THIS HAVE TOO MUCH FILLER OKAY I DID THIS FOR US.

-

betty, i won't make assumptions, about why you switched your homeroom. but, i think it's 'cause of me.

Second day of senior year, you prayed it would be better than the first.

Yesterday, August 27th, you'd walked into homeroom, and your heart had dropped. Connor sat at a table in the back, laughing at something with his friends. Your Connor. You couldn't even call him that anymore. He wasn't yours. Apparently, he was another girl's, now. A girl from your town's rival school, Augustine, or something.

You sat through first period financial literacy with a weight in your chest. You sat at the very front table with a few friends, trying to smile and converse with them. They could tell something was wrong, and when your teacher said Connor's name during attendance they'd realized what.

You went to second period, feeling a bit better. Then, during lunch, you sped to the guidance office, begging your counselor to change your schedule. She was skeptical, having a feeling it had to do with something social, which she didn't believe called for a change. But when she noticed the tears that welled up in your eyes, she just smiled and clicked her mouse a few times, handing you a brand new paper for the classes you'd start the next morning.

To say Connor Bedard noticed you when you came into homeroom yesterday was the understatement of the year. The boy's smile dropped, his eyes locked on your figure as you shrugged your backpack off, smiling at your friend you sat next to. Yes, this class would be his chance to reconnect with you, fix and explain everything.

He walked into day 2 with a plan, a plan to somehow talk to you in first. He sat in the same seat he had yesterday, talking with his friends while his eyes never left your chair. He waited, and waited, and waited for you to walk in. You never did, you were in another classroom, first period AP Spanish, laughing with your best friend as you did icebreakers.

When the bell rang, he stopped the girl you sat next to the day before, awkwardly calling her name. He asked her where you were, and your friend faked confusion while she fought off laughter.

"Oh, she had her schedule switched, she has like Spanish now I think."

He nodded, mumbling a thank you as he swiftly exited the classroom, his friends shouting at him from the doorway.

As the school day went on, your day got significantly better while Connor's did the opposite. He got in his car after the final bell had rung, sitting in silence for just a minute before his friends piled in. Of course they'd all lived in your neighborhood, it being the most common one for your high school.

betty, one time, i was ridin' on my skateboard. when i passed your house, it's like i couldn't breathe.

He dropped them off at their respective homes, turning down your street to exit the neighborhood. He slowed down as he passed your house, your car was already in the driveway, you must've just got home. Last year Connor drove you to and from school almost every day, he missed that.

You two had broken up, if you could even call it that, in late May. The two of you were arguing about something both of you would now call dumb and you'd stupidly blocked his number after an angry phone call. Connor took that as you ending it, you took it as you were sick of arguing and couldn't speak to him in the moment. You were an emotional wreck when Connor had started ignoring you, still believing it was just all stupid misplaced emotions that needed to be talked through. You let him give you the silent treatment, knowing you were both still very upset.

About two weeks later, still nothing was resolved. School had been over for about a week, but you were miserable. Everything went to shit when you were tapping through Snapchat stories one night. One of your mutuals from school had posted a photo of her and her boyfriend, Connor, and another girl sitting next to each other on a bed in the background. They weren't cuddling, but their thighs were touching while they both looked at something on Connor's phone so basically your life was ruined.

You had over a dozen girls send you the story, asking what the fuck had happened. You had to tell them and yourself that you were broken up.

you heard the rumors from inez, you can't believe a word she says most times. but this time it was true.

It was extremely embarrassing for you once people that you barely even knew were telling others your business.

Connor knew he was royally fucked whenever a random girl he knew you were friends with had come up to him at a party during the summer and asked him about Augustine.

"Is she your new girlfriend?"

"What? No. I don't have a girlfriend."

"That's not what she thinks."

He almost asked who, but he knew who she was talking about. You. Everything was you. He couldn't get you out of his mind no matter how hard he had tried.

the worst thing that i ever did, was what i did to you.

Augustine didn't mean anything to him. His friend had tried to set him up with her because of how sad he'd been. But, he didn't have eyes for anyone but you, so she was just a friend of his.

All summer, he'd tried to find ways that put you two in the same place at the same time. Your town's annual Fourth of July fireworks? You were at the beach with family. Your mutual friend's huge 17th birthday bash? You were at young life camp with friends. The one time it could've worked was when you hosted a party, it was an open invite, but of course, it was the weekend Connor had his biggest hockey camp of the summer. It's like the universe wanted him miserable.

but if i just showed up at your party, would you have me?

You tried to erase Connor from your mind, but it was too hard. Living in a town where everything reminded you of the blonde boy sucked. And even if you were gone, you couldn't get away from him online, either. He was the guy to be watching for next year's NHL Draft. He was amazing, but he was also a very young and socially dumb boy.

You and Connor had gotten together towards the end of freshman year. It'd been about a month since your two year anniversary when the whole miscommunication and breakup took place. He was your first boyfriend, and you were his first girlfriend. Everyone at school knew about you two, even the people who didn't know you at all. It wasn't because you two were grossly comfortable with PDA at 8 am on a Wednesday.

You two weren't at all comfortable with your relationship being too on display to anyone, but the small and subtle things that made people silently root for the two. People saw just how you looked at each other, and how your moods changed with and without each other. They watched you two together at every event. Saw you as the loudest girl in the student section at hockey games. It was just sweet.

would you want me?

Connor was fucked. Although he couldn't confirm it, he was convinced your disappearance from first period was due to his presence. You changed your schedule to get away from him, that's how much he'd hurt you.

would you tell me to go fuck myself?

He wondered what you'd do if he just showed up at your house, or came up and asked to talk to you at school. Would you tell him to fuck off? Would you agree to talk, and listen to his apologies?

or lead me to the garden? in the garden, would you trust me, if i told you it was just a summer fling?

Connor had to speak with you, he couldn't contain himself any longer. When the final bell rang he sat in his car and waited for his friends, driving them home, through your neighborhood once again. He passed your house, only your car was in the driveway. He parked on the street, closing his car door gently behind him as he trekked up your driveway and to the front door.

He knocked softly, stepping back a few feet to wait. After thirty seconds the door opened a third of the way, your body coming into view. You were already in comfy clothes, you hated when your outside clothes touched your bed, Connor remembered. Your eyes widened, your brain sending panic signals through your body, your limbs freezing up.

"Oh my God. Uh, hi?"

You had no clue why Connor would be standing awkwardly on your front porch at 2:38 pm on a Tuesday.

"Hey. You can tell me to fuck right off and I will but, can we like, talk?"

i'm only seventeen, i don't know anythin'. but, i know i miss you.

You blinked a few times, the words taking a moment to register. Connor wanted to talk to you? About what? Did he need real closure after all the dumb shit that happened between you?

"Oh, yeah, sure. Come in."

You led him to your room, you weren't sure why you didn't just go to the living room, silently cursing yourself halfway up the stairs. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Was it clean? Were there clothes on the floor? You were now mortified by the idea of Connor seeing a bra on your bedroom floor, something that wouldn't have crossed your mind five months ago.

Your room was fine, only some socks and a sweatshirt on the ground. You sat in the cushy chair in your corner, pulling your knees to your chest. Connor sat cautiously on the end of your bed, he was always the one person you'd let wear outside clothes on your bed because you didn't care as long as he was laying with you.

It was eerily silent for a few moments before Connor spoke up, your head snapping to him.

"Um, I've been wanting to talk for a really long time, seriously."

You nodded, your eyes leaving his, the air too tense.

"Me too."

Connor's eyes widened at that, seriously? You wanted to talk to him? That was what he'd been hoping for months.

"I can't really think of a better way to say this but, uh. I miss you, a fuckin' lot. And I know I royally fucked up but I really just want you in my life. I hate the tension and the fuckin' like, uncertainty between us."

What? You were so confused. He missed you? But you had people all damn summer nothing but happy to fill you in on all of the Connor and Augustine news. Connor took your silence as you expecting more from him, so he filled it.

"And I know that everything that happened was because I was being a jealous asshole. I'm really sorry and I will show you that."

betty, i know where it all went wrong. your favorite song was playing from, the far side of the gym.

Ah, yes, the fight that ruined it all. See, in May, Connor and the Regina Pats were fighting through the playoffs, and he had one of the biggest games of the season on the night of prom. It was your first prom, and you'd been so excited to go with your boyfriend, so you can imagine the disappointment when he told you he wasn't going to be able to make it. You were crushed, to say the least, and sulked the entire time.

i was nowhere to be found, i hate the crowds, you know that.

The only few minutes you had fun the whole night was when a group of your friends had gotten you to dance after hours of begging, and a photo was taken of you with an arm innocently and extremely appropriately around a guy friend of yours' shoulders. It was platonic, even another girl friend of yours was on the other side of him and had her arm over yours.

It was really not a big deal, but Connor had seen it and was extremely jealous, and felt guilty. He was envious but also beating himself up over not being there.

plus, i saw you dance with him.

"Connor, that wasn't all your fault. I was a crazy bitch and blocked you, even if it was for like forty minutes. I shouldn't have done that, it was stupid. All of it."

He nodded, both of you unsure of what to say next.

you heard the rumors from inez. you can't believe a word she says, most times. but this time, it was true.

"And, I don't know if you care or not. But, I know all sorts of people have been saying stuff about me and Augustine. I promise you that I hung out with her that one time with Adam and hated it. I told her that and we were just kind of friends I guess. I only saw her one other time all summer. I wasn't already moving on from you, 'm still not."

He'd be the death of you, you were sure of it. Did he know how badly you needed to hear that? Even if you were skeptical if it was true when it first came from his mouth, the moment of silent eye contact between you two spoke volumes. He wouldn't lie to you, he was the most honest person you ever knew.

"I think it's stupid for us not to be friends, Connor. We were best friends before and while we dated. I miss that with you."

the worst thing that i ever did, was what i did to you.

You also missed kissing him, and cuddling, and whispering sweet nothings, and holding hands under the table at dinner.

You might as well have dangled Connor's heart on a string in front of him then decided to stomp on it. Friends. That would have to be how it was, he knew he couldn't have none of you, and some of you would always be better than none of you.

"That'd be really good."

You both smiled, although in your minds you both wanted more, you were too scared to say it. You stood up, Connor right after. You just looked at him close up for the first time in a while and sighed happily. You hugged him without caution, arms around his waist and face in his chest. His came around your shoulders, squeezing tightly if only for a few seconds before you let go of what had to be a friendly hug.

You both walked downstairs, Connor opening the front door and stepping onto your porch.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Connie."

"Yeah, okay."

You shut the door with a smile, immediately freaking out as Connor did the same on the other side. You had no desire to be only friends with Connor, but it was the safest route to having him in your life without getting hurt.

i was walkin' home on broken cobblestones.

Connor sat in his car, staring through the windshield. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind. He finally had his favorite girl back in his life, but not the way he wanted. That would have to be enough though, some of you would always be better than none of you.

He snapped back into it when he realized he'd been parked outside your house for multiple minutes and drove off. He went home and then later to hockey practice, and you never left his mind.

just thinkin' of you when she pulled up, like a figment of my worst intentions.

The next day at school you smiled at Connor in the hallway. He was teased for the rest of the day by his friends at the blush he possessed after it happened.

For the next month or so, you two danced around each other. You talked often and hung out together in group settings. At school, you'd talk and laugh, all of your friends demanding they could tell you were still in love. The both of you would insist that you were now just friends and happy about it, even though both of you were yearning to be so much more than that.

she said, "james get in, let's drive." those days turned into nights. slept next to her,

Your birthday was approaching, your 18th. You insisted you wanted something small, a dinner party with your favorite people. You'd invited over a dozen of your friends, receiving RSVPs of yes from all of them. There was still one more blonde boy you wanted to ask, though.

When the final bell rang, you ran out of school like every other teen with a car. Instead of going to yours, you found yourself walking up to Connor's black jeep, one you were oh so familiar with. He was on his phone but noticed you immediately as you were walking up.

He rolled his window down, a grin gracing his face.

"Hey, what's up?"

You lent your elbow against the window sill, resting your cheek against your hand.

"So, my birthday's on Saturday, and I'd really like if you came. It's just a small dinner party at my house, nothing crazy. You might be the only guy attending but I'd love if you could make it. I totally get if you can't though, it's a bit short notice."

Connor's eyebrows raised in shock. You wanted him at your birthday? This felt more intimate between the two of you than any other moment in the past couple weeks. Connor wasn't gonna let you down like he had at prom.

"I'll be there. Can't wait."

Connor wished he didn't love how your eyes instantly brightened, the corners crinkling to match the grin on your face.

"Great, awesome. I'll see you there Connie."

You brushed your hand over his shoulder as you said bye and turned to trek to your parking spot.

"Yeah, bye. I lo-"

I love you. Connor cut himself off before he could say he loved you. Holy shit, why did he almost say he loved you? He prayed you couldn't hear it, the way you kept walking didn't make it look like you did, but he couldn't see your face.

Your jaw dropped, hearing the first two syllables out of his mouth before he caught himself. Oh my God, Connor almost just told you he loved you. You kept on to your car, waiting until you were alone to freak out. Of course, you'd said it all the time while dating, but he hadn't told you that in months, you assumed he didn't feel that way about you anymore.

Connor had told you he couldn't wait for your party, and it was the truth. He had never been a patient boy, and waiting to see you all day on Saturday had him fidgety. He was wearing jeans and a navy Ralph Lauren quarter-zip, a white t-shirt peeking out from the unzipped section. He was wearing his cleanest sneakers and held a small gift bag in one hand, flowers in the other.

betty, i'm here on your doorstep. and, I planned it out for weeks.

He knocked on your door at 7:02, having been sitting in his car outside your house since 6:57, telling himself he could do this. You opened the door quickly, a gorgeous smile on your face. Your eyes widened when you saw what was in Connor's hands, wrapping your arms around his neck in what was too close to be a friendly hug. He wrapped his arms around you, careful to not dishevel the flowers.

"Hey, Connor. Thanks for coming."

"Wouldn't miss it. Happy birthday."

You pulled away after what felt like not long enough, leading Connor inside. He handed you the flowers, a moment of tension between you. Your mother greeted him, hugging him and taking the flowers from you to put in a vase.

Connor was first to arrive, followed shortly by your best friend, who silently made fun of you for how flustered you were. Everyone was in your house by 7:18, and you talked and mingled until around 8 when you decided it was time to eat. You sat next to Connor at your big dining table, earning a few teasing looks from your girl friends.

Dinner lasted a while, everyone talking and laughing. A little over an hour passed by before your mom came through the entrance of the room, holding a stand with a cake, 18 golden candles stuck in the pink and white frosting. Everyone sang as you awkwardly laughed. You closed your eyes and wished for Connor, he was all you could think of. You blew your candles out and everyone cheered, clapping and laughing.

You hung out for a while with everyone, another hour and a half passing before people's curfews started falling. Of course, Connor was the last person there, he'd always been the last one there when everyone else had gone.

but, it's finally sinkin' in.

You two sat on the couch, still awfully close even though everyone else was gone.

"You gonna open your gifts?"

You turned and looked at the small pile of boxes and bags, shrugging.

"My mom always said it was rude to open gifts in front of my guests."

"Am I just a guest to you?"

You laughed, shaking your head. You stood and grabbed all the gifts, laying them on your coffee table before you began opening things. Every gift was thoughtful and sweet, you left things in specific piles so you knew what to thank people for later. Connor's gift was last, and his stomach twisted when you grabbed the bag.

betty, right now is the last time, i can dream about what happens when, you see my face again.

Shit, this was when he was gonna tell you everything. You pulled at the neatly placed tissue paper, you could tell Mrs. Bedard had helped Connor out. The first piece came out and you saw the envelope sitting on the side of the bag. You grabbed it and Connor gently grabbed your wrist.

the only thing i wanna do,

"Can you read it after? I wanna see your reaction before."

"Okay."

Your eyebrows scrunched, but you didn't think too much of it. You pulled out the next piece of tissue paper and your jaw dropped. A small teal box sat wrapped in a bow. The color was unmistakable, the bow too. You looked up at Connor with wide eyes, already feeling tears prick your waterline.

"Connor you didn't."

is make it up to you.

"You don't even know what I did. Look at it."

You grabbed the box, pulling it out and gently untying the bow. You slip the lid off the box, your assumption proved correct, a beautiful white gold necklace lying pretty and perfect in the box. Two heart-shaped white gold pendants hung down, shiny and polished to perfection. Your eyes watered, no one had ever done something so kind for you.

"Connor, I can't even accept this. 'S too much."

"Well I'm not gonna wear it, and I'm not returning it either."

You lightly examined the necklace, light reflecting on the second heart causing something to catch your eye. You held the box closer to your face, squinting for just a second before your eyes widened. There was a small 98 engraved in the heart, your jaw dropping slightly.

so i showed up at your party. yeah, i showed up at your party.

"I've had it since June. I'd tried to order it for our two years but it took forever to ship."

You couldn't help but set the small box down and throw your arms around Connor, a huff of surprise leaving him at the impact. His arms wrapped around you, squeezing tightly.

"I love it, I love you."

You took a leap of faith as you pulled back just slightly and kissed your ex-boyfriend. His arms around you tightened, kissing back immediately. Your hands held his face as you kissed fervently. You were practically pulled into Connor's lap by the time you pulled away to catch your breath, chest heaving as you stared at each other. Connor grinned, extremely happy his girl was back in his arms.

yeah, i showed up at your party.

"I love you."

You giggled and leaned your forehead against his shoulder, still taking in what had just happened.

"Missed you so much."

You turned your head and left a kiss on his neck in response, your boy was back in your arms.

"Missed you more. You don't even know."

"I do know, all summer fuckin' sucked."

"Yeah! And your ass had dating rumors two weeks after we 'broke up'!"

"The key word there is rumors."

You both laughed, Connor kissing you again. You both smiled and giggled into the kiss, tingles running through your bodies.

"Hey, sweetheart! Did everyone leave?"

Your mom had gone upstairs to bed after cake, you thought she'd be asleep by now. You shushed Connor's giggling, pushing yourself off his lap and pulling him up with you.

will you have me?

"Almost mom! Connor's still here, he's leaving soon!"

"Alright, well goodnight you two!"

You both called goodnight to her, turning and smiling at each other.

"I guess that was you demanding I leave."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down and pecking him a few times.

"Shut up! If I had only said that you were still here she'd probably be down here in her pajamas making sure we aren't getting at it on my couch."

Connor just laughed, kissing you again. You two sat back down and just sat together for a while. You both had missed just existing together so much. It was nearing midnight when Connor told you he had to go.

"I have practice at like 6 tomorrow."

"Connor! You're only gonna get like five hours of sleep. Go home."

He stood up, pulling you with him. You walked him out, very quietly opening the front door. Connor's arms wrapped around you again as you stood on the front porch of your home. You laid your head in the curve of his neck with your arms wrapped around his shoulders. You stood in silence for a few moments, before you interrupted the quiet.

"You know what I wished for?"

"No. What'd you wish for?"

"You."

will you kiss me on the porch, in front of all your stupid friends?

He grinned, kissing you sweetly. He held your face as your hands gripped at his quarter-zip. After a few moments, you pulled away, giggly and drunk in love. You didn't know but your Ring Doorbell was catching the whole thing on camera.

You two stood on your porch talking until ten after midnight when you cursed at yourself and insisted Connor needed to go get some rest.

"Walk me to my car?"

"Fine, princess."

if you kiss me, will it be just like i dreamed it?

He failed to fight his laughter as he told you to shut up. You held hands as you walked down your driveway, Connor's jeep parked on the side of the road.

Connor leaned you back against the driver's door and kissed you real good. You almost forgot it was nearing 12:20 am and you were in the middle of your street making out with your technically still ex-boyfriend.

will it patch your broken wings? i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything. but i know i miss you.

You snapped back to reality and pulled away from Connor.

"You need to stop kissing me while I'm trying to get you to go home."

He climbed into his jeep, rolling down the window and leaning his arms against the window frame. As much as you wanted him to go home and get some sleep, you also loved and missed him too much to give up this moment.

"You love it, though."

standin' in your cardigan.

You rolled your eyes and sighed playfully, tilting your head and giving him a smile.

"Might be a crazy question but are we together now?"

"We were never broken up in my mind."

"Cut the poetic shit Bedard. Am I your girlfriend or not?"

He laughed, that was his girl.

"You wanna be?"

You gave him a legitimate eye roll that time, he just laughed again.

"Yes, you're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend."

"Perfect, awesome. Have an amazing night. I will text you tomorrow morning whenever I wake up. Which is not gonna be around 5:30 like you."

He groaned thinking of morning practice but was back to smiling at you in less than a moment. You leaned forward, kissing him one more time.

kissin' in my car again. stopped at a streetlight.

You pulled back with a sleepy smile, your whole heart content.

"I love you, Connor."

"I love you."

“Drive safe.”

Connor watched you all the way up the driveway and into your house, waiting a few extra seconds for you to lock the door before he sped home.

Once you closed and locked the door, you were smiling and giggling to yourself. You put on your new necklace and cleaned up from your party.

The two of you slept soundly, you knowing you finally had your person back, and wouldn't lose him again anytime soon. Connor would've been okay with 20 minutes of sleep if that's how long you kept him. His girl was finally his again, and he wasn't going to lose her again.

[adverbally]

We Gotta Hide What We’re Doing

Written for the @steddieangstyaugust prompt “‘I’m not going to beg you to love me.’” | wc: 1,161 | rated: T | cw: period-typical homophobia, fears of violent homophobia (mentioned only) | tags: physical touch as a love language, feeling rejected, heart to heart car conversations, happy ending | title from “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany

And with this prompt, August is over! I’m so proud to have kept up with the challenge all month and filled all 31 prompts. Thank you to everyone who has read along and been so kind and friendly. I definitely plan to write more Steddie, so keep an eye out for my Smutty September entries if you’re into that. If you have a request or a comment to share, feel free to message me or send me an ask. I hope September treats you well! 💕

———

Steve has always been an affectionate person. Clapping his hand on someone’s shoulder, ruffling the kids’ hair, sitting too close, reaching out for comfort— he’s just a tactile guy. It’s no different in his romantic relationships, always clinging with an arm around his partner’s waist and sprinkling chaste kisses wherever he can reach. He shows his love through touch.

That’s what’s so hard about being with Eddie.

In private, Eddie is almost as touchy as Steve is, quick to drape an arm around Steve’s shoulder during the Party’s movie nights and leave the room with a peck on the lips. He loves to come up behind Steve and hug him around the waist, swaying them and nuzzling into the crook of Steve’s neck. They sleep cuddled together so closely that Steve wakes up damp with sweat when their shared body heat gets to be too much.

Their regular amount of physical contact makes it all the more startling when they’re in public together and Eddie keeps a solid three feet of space between them at all times.

It might not be that obvious to anyone else, but Steve notices how deliberately Eddie avoids touching him. He steps out of Steve’s reach when he brushes the small of his back, he dodges when Steve tries to hold his hand, he’ll stand up and switch to another seat if Steve dares to sit directly across from him at the diner.

Steve isn’t dumb; he understands the need to be cautious. They’re two queer boys in small-town Indiana, and he’s not trying to get his ass kicked by some asshole who thinks men shouldn’t be able to touch without bursting into flames. But he sees Eddie horsing around with Dustin in the aisles of Melvald’s and giving Gareth a piggyback ride down Main Street and he has to wonder… Is it me?

Would it be different if Eddie was dating someone else? Would he be comfortable with a subtle back rub or a brush of pinkies if it didn’t come from Steve? Maybe he’d feel more secure with a tougher looking guy, someone more metal, a jock with a more imposing physique, someone who’s not so fastidious about their hair or keeping their sneakers clean.

Maybe Eddie is just ashamed to be seen with Steve.

The thought is totally unreasonable, but it lingers. It’s there when he and Eddie stand in line for the ice cream truck, so far apart that they get separated by a family of five. It’s there when he watches Eddie drape himself over Jeff‘s back after a long rehearsal, their cheeks practically touching where Eddie’s chin hooks over his shoulder. It’s there when he watches Eddie drag Dustin around the comic book store with a hand wrapped around his forearm, pulling him through the shelves until Steve loses track of them.

It’s that evening that Steve finally has to say something. He’s driving Eddie home after dropping off Dustin, half-listening to Eddie thinking aloud through new campaign plots and song ideas, but all Steve can think about is how he hasn’t touched his boyfriend all day, even though they’ve spent the last seven hours together.

The next time they stop at a red light, Steve reaches for Eddie’s hand where he’s drumming his fingers over his faded black jeans.

Eddie pulls away so fast it’s like an honest-to-god flinch.

“Okay, we need to talk about this,” Steve declares as he turns the corner and maneuvers the Beemer into one of the parking spaces off the main drag. “Why won’t you let me touch you?”

Uncharacteristically quiet, Eddie fiddles with the distressed knee of his pants. He doesn’t look up when he says, “We’re in public.”

“We’re in my car after midnight on a Wednesday, there’s nobody around,” Steve points out, gesturing at the empty streets surrounding them.

Eddie sighs, “Steve—”

“It’s like you’re a totally different person when you’re out with me. At home, I practically have to pry you off me to get anything done. With the Corroded Coffin guys and the kids, you goof around with them like your usual handsy self,” Steve explains, staring straight out the windshield at the old brick facade of the building before them. “So maybe you can see the conclusion I’m drawing here, when it’s just me, in public, that you seem to have a problem with.”

“It’s not like that.” Eddie’s voice is flat. It sounds nothing like him, which makes something ache in Steve’s chest.

“Then what’s it like?”

Eddie erupts, “I’m not brave like you, okay? I’m fucking scared. I’m always worried about somebody trying to start shit because I dared to look at another man in front of them.”

“But with the other guys, you—”

“It’s different. Because I don’t want to touch them like I want to touch you.” He sniffles, gaze still trained on the rings he’s twisting around his fingers. “With you, I… sometimes it feels like I can’t stop, you know?”

Steve does know. He thinks of Eddie kissing him hello in the doorway when Steve gets home from work, how one kiss becomes several and they end up stumbling up the stairs to Steve’s bedroom, never taking their hands off each other. He thinks of lacing his fingers between Eddie’s while they watch a movie, how it turns into massaging the sore spots in Eddie’s wrist and kissing the back of his hand in a chivalric gesture.

“So it feels safer not to touch you at all,” Eddie concludes. “Then I can’t get carried away.”

Steve is quiet for a long time, letting the weight of Eddie’s confession settle, before he says, “I’m sorry.”

Eddie glances at him out of the corner of his eye but hides the motion by wiping his face with his sleeve. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you just wanted to know what was going on.”

“I could’ve been less of an asshole about it.” It only feels fair for Steve to share a vulnerable feeling of his own. “It’s just, I’ve been with people who were embarrassed to be with me, or who were ashamed of their feelings or whatever. And it sucked, trying to convince them that I was worth their attention.” Steve lets out a long breath through his nose. “I’ve done it before, but I’m not going to beg you to love me, too. I’m glad I didn’t have to.”

Eddie’s smile, when he finally raises his head and turns to look at Steve, is small but genuine. “You’d have to beg me to stop.” When he holds out his hand with a wiggle of his fingers, Steve takes it.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve looks around the empty streets exaggeratedly. “It’s just you and me, and we can be back at my place in less than five minutes if you can’t contain yourself,” he teases.

“You’re pushing it,” Eddie warns with a raised eyebrow, but he leans in to meet Steve’s lips anyway.

[verstappenf1lecccc]

Random ass fic DONT even know where this came from I dreamt of this and now i am writing it. Around 10K words!!

She didn’t even know when or how she ran into Max, but the fact that she did run into him meant that this was the end of her freedom. Her parents always told her to be careful when choosing her friends, but they never warned her about friends' older brothers. It was late August, almost early September.

She was almost dozing off in class while her friend complained about her toxic relationship. Seeing as her friend was not even supposed to be in one, she knew any involvement from her side would result in nothing but trouble. She had planned to help her friend run away, far away from her family and her toxic partner, just far away from everything. It was a foolish idea, one that she should have known would get her into trouble.

Alas, she just wanted to help. They fled from the university campus, her friend came from good money, meaning they had so much money they could afford having 16 cars lined up just for security. They made the mistake of trusting one of their other friends, Daniel. In short, she got caught, and her friend swiftly disappeared, leaving her to deal with this mess all alone. What seemed like good fortune quickly turned around once she kneed the guard to run free back into class.

Her hair was messy, eyes erratic, and breathing even worse. She tried to blend into the classroom of around 100 students, opting to sit right at the back behind the projector. She was praying to whoever was listening that no one would find or even recognize that she was involved. Alas, no one must have listened to her prayers because not a second later, the closed doors banged open, and she meekly raised her head at the sudden intrusion.

That’s when she felt her blood run cold; she had eyes on her from everywhere. She played it cool and hoped that they were there for someone else. They were not. In a blink of an eye, rough hands were on her, dragging her away from where she sought shelter. No one around her even dared to raise their heads in protest or curiosity. She was doomed. No amount of screaming or crying seemed to affect the men who held her in a tight, bruising grip. It was almost as if fate was trying to mock her and give her the slight chance to run away. A guard slipped up and accidentally let his grip on her falter.

She took the chance and ran as fast as she could, not bothering to check where she was running to. Her body hit something hard and muscular, her eyes quickly took in the person in front of her. If she thought her luck was horrible then, well, she was in for a hell of a ride now. In front of her stood her ex-best friend's brother, she had never met him in person, only seeing him in pictures she was shown. Max was handsome, tall, and had the most beautiful eyes; his eyes, however, currently showed nothing but anger and hate.

If she thought his guards were being rough, she had no words for his grip. "Where is she? I know you know where she is. Just tell me, and you can get yourself out of this, or else," or else what? she rebutted, an ugly snarl raised on his face, one that screamed don't provoke me. She really did not expect what he said next. A light chuckle left his mouth before his grip on her hardened even more. “You will take up her place,” meaning? she questioned before being pressed up against his hard chest. “You will be my prisoner, her freedom for yours.” Her eyes shuddered and tears automatically leaked from them. She would never have understood how or why the universe hated her so much, but to give up her own freedom for her friend seemed idiotic.

As she was being shoved into the car, she kept on uttering her defense and how she genuinely didn’t know what or where his sister was. It all fell on deaf ears. Her tears kept flowing; her direct thoughts were to jump off his car regardless of the consequences. But it was almost as if he could hear her thoughts and was two steps ahead and had locked them away before. Frustrated, overstimulated, and overall miserable, and drowning in her tears, she ended up fainting right as he stepped away from the car.

She laid there unconscious, almost as if she was dead; it was the unfortunate symbolism of her freedom dying away. She was rudely awakened by his firm grip on her face, shaking her awake. That invoked her nausea, urging her to rush towards a bathroom.

He must have seen that she had something wrong with her and let her go and run towards the bathroom, not before letting her know that there was no way out of here. After emptying out her stomach, she lay still on the cold bathroom tiles.

Only then did she realize that she had her phone on her and attempted to call her father; on the last ring, he had picked up, but while she shakily tried to let him know the situation, he simply ended the call, not before saying that this was the actions of her consequences. Her eyes yet once again watered up; she wasn’t giving the peace of crying alone as the bathroom stalls door was kicked open, revealing another guard who simply called his boss in to assess her situation.

He was annoyed with the amount of tears she was wasting; it was as if she was trying to make him feel bad for his decisions. He didn’t feel anything, unfortunately.

It wasn't long till they reached the mansion, and she was thrown towards what seemed like a herd of maids, each one of them having inquisitive looks on their faces.

From there, she was being dragged to what seemed like endless salon services, each of them making her eyebrows rise higher and higher. She went through everything from a hair pampering session to having her body waxed, all of which she didn't consent to.

After what seemed like ages, she was finally left alone in a rather large room, to finally sit and ponder at what was going on.

She was thankful on one hand for the opportunity of finally being alone but was concerned as to why her salon treatments seemed to be as though she was being prepped to become a bride. Her eyes once again watered at what her father had told her.

Here she was dying to somehow escape and reunite with her family, and yet her father simply didn't bother to even ask how she was doing. Everything seemed so messed up and painful, her perfectly manicured nails came up to tug her perfectly blow-dried hair. She felt suffocated and she didn't even know how long she was going to be his prisoner.

The thought of being far away from him did calm her down, but her being locked up in a room with nothing but a wardrobe seemed rather anxiety-inducing.

Just as she was getting comfortable with the silence and her thoughts, he walked in, loud and proud, his perfectly polished boots smacking the floor alerting her of his presence as if his cologne didn't do enough.

Max spoke rather quickly, but slowly but surely crashing her whole world down with each word. "Why are you looking at me like that? Did you not enjoy your salon services?" She shook her head, which resulted in him chuckling. "Why am I here?" She asked him. "Oh, you haven't figured out," he smirked. "I was under the impression that you were rather smart, but alas, we are to be wed," he stated, a statement that made her head feel heavy and light at the same time.

She was to be married to him, the monster who took her away just because his sister and left the same man who refused to listen to her justifications. She was to be married to that same man.

Her legs gave out, and she almost landed on the ground, his strong hands helping in breaking her fall.

"And listen, I like my women in red. Make sure you tell that to the maid when she takes you to the lingerie store."

with that, he left her to collapse and shrink away from his touch, something about even getting to the stage of him seeing her lingerie made her want to throw up.

She was stuck with no way out and with someone who had no idea of letting her go.

[msmk11]

mk’s mad dash

All of August, one x reader fic a day.

A/n: School is coming up faster than I'd like, so I want to do a little mini end of summer writing extravaganza before September hits. I'll be posting one short fic a day, and by the end of the month I will have at least one fic written for EVERY character I write for! Happy reading!

8/1 - Johanna Mason- ‘A Moment For Yourself’

You show Johanna a kindness she hasn’t felt in

weeks.

8/2- Tangerine- ‘Not a Lady’

Tangerine meets his match in cursing.

8/3- Natasha Romanoff- ‘A Way to Relax’

Natasha’s been stressed lately, so you come up

with a way to help her relax.

8/4- Remus Lupin- ‘Aftercare’

Aftercare with Remus.

8/5- Lucy Gray Baird- ‘Wrapped Up In a Bow’

You buy Lucy Gray a present.

8/6- Mary MacDonald- ‘Distraction’

You don’t want to watch a movie with Mary.

8/7- Fred Weasley- ‘Sixth Love Language’

You prank Fred for the first time.

8/8- Coriolanus Snow- ‘Maybe’

The death and birth of hope.

8/9- Peeta Mellark- ‘I Made You A Pie’

You and Peeta get into your first fight.

8/10- Hermione Granger- ‘Whatever You Say, Dear’

You hate airports. Thank God for your girlfriend.

8/11- George Weasley- ‘Serenity’

A peaceful summer afternoon at the Burrow.

8/12- Regulus Black- ‘Trou Noir’

Mourning your husband, Regulus Black.

8/13- Katniss Everdeen- ‘A Tiny Favor’

You ask Katniss to braid your hair.

8/14- Dorcas Meadowes- ‘The Barista’

The most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen is a

barista at your local coffee shop.

8/15- Haymitch Abernathy- ‘Wish You Were Sober’

We don’t always get what we want.

8/16- Finnick Odair- ‘Five More Minutes’

“Five more minutes.” A phrase you’ve said many

times but only now really mean.

8/17- Ron Weasley- ‘I Love You First’

Ron’s used to being second.

8/18- Sirius Black- ‘The Infamous Wings’

You catch Sirius trying on your eyeliner.

8/19- Ginny Weasley- ‘What The Flying Fuck’

Your girlfriend tries to teach you how to fly.

8/20- Tigris Snow- ‘Don’t Call Me Baby’

Tigris has been taught to assume the worst.

8/21- Harry Potter- ‘Pretty Boy’

You love to make your boyfriend blush.

8/22- Marlene McKinnon- ‘Oblivious’

You never notice when boys flirt with you.

8/23- Poly!Marauders- ‘This Is Fucking Stupid’

In which you all try and share a bed for the first

time.

8/24- James Potter- ‘Rumor Has It’

There’s a rumor going around that you and

costar!James are dating.

8/25- Lily Evans- ‘Rounds’

You are assigned Prefect rounds with your rival.

8/26- Peter Parker- ‘Its Not A Costume’

You mess around in Peter’s suit.

8/27- Wanda Maximoff- ‘Are They Gone?’

You and Wanda on a mission together.

8/28- Tony Stark- ‘Never Ever’

CEO!Tony Stark doesn’t take people out to lunch.

8/29- Sejanus Plinth- ‘I Know’

Your boyfriend is a walking, bleeding heart.

8/30- Peter Pettigrew- ‘Say It’

Peter is nervous to ask you out.

8/31- Yelena Belova- ‘This Thing Called A Date’

You take Yelena on her first ever date.

[deepcreekvulture]

Spencer Reid's College Timeline

So, I was chilling at my local Library and decided to use my very extensive free time to write out Spencer Reid’s College timeline (or at least how it makes the most sense to me).

There’s probably going to be a lot of inconsistencies and possible contradictions in this, but please give me a little grace. I don’t go to college, and I'm just silly. 

I did try to be as accurate as I could, but there’s only so much I can do with my little brain and 10 mgs of Adderall. 

I also tried to be as realistic as I could, especially with considering how Diana’s condition would affect his education. But, again, it's not going to be perfect. Feel free to share your thoughts.

What we know:

-Spencer Reid graduated from a Las Vegas public high school at the age of 12 (01.18 “Somebody’s Watching”)

-He went to Caltech. I personally like to think that he also went to MIT (Breen Frazier has admitted that Spencer saying he want to MIT in 07.04 “Painless” was a continuity error, but I think it is possible that he went to both, just not at the same time.)

-He has 3 PhDs in Mathematics, Chemistry, and Engineering (04.08 “Masterpiece”)

-He had 3 Bachelors degrees in Psychology, Sociology, and Philosophy  (04.08 “Masterpiece”)

-Joined the BAU around July of 2004 at the age of 22 (05.16 “Mosley Lane”)

Spencer is talking to Sarah Hillridge and mentions that he’s been with the BAU for “5 years, 7 months, and 19 days...” doing the math puts it around July of 2004.

-Spencer was born in October of 1981

There is some confusion about whether his birthday is October 12th or October 28th. I believe that his birthday is October 28th 1981, Emily Prentiss’s birthday is October 12th 1970 (04.14 “Cold Comfort” & her headstone)- and it is very unlikely that the two of them would share a birthday and it not be mentioned. (It also gives some more insight to why Spencer loves Halloween so much- it’s right after his birthday!)

So, assuming he started kindergarten at 5 years old, Spencer was in grade school from around 1986-1994. It is likely that he could have finished grade school faster, but a lot of the time public school systems want to keep students from jumping too many grades in order to not stunt their social development. 

I am taking the liberty of assuming that Spencer received all 3 PhDs before joining the FBI- so from age 12-22 (Over 30 years of schooling for three PhDs in the span of around 10 years, wowza).

Someone as smart as Spencer would’ve definitely gotten a 36 on the ACTs, so prestigious universities would be banging down his door to get their hands on his geniusness. BUT, Spencer loves his mom, and he wouldn’t want to stray too far from her. He also says he was drawn to Caltech because of certain professors in an article written about him.

We know that Spencer went to Caltech and would bike to classes and such. He was most likely able to stay at the dorms for free and given financial support from his scholarships. It is unclear how Spencer could’ve balanced having his mom in Nevada while he was in California, but there are buses and public transit to and from Las Vegas to Pasadena (ranging from 4-7 hours for a one way ride, so 8-14 hours round trip). William Reid, despite leaving Spencer and Diana, most likely maintained providing money to them due to paternal obligation and guilt.

There are, of course, ways for Spencer to care for his mom even all the way in Pasadena: Neighbors could’ve checked on Diana regularly/daily, Spencer could’ve called daily to remind her to take her medicine, etc.

To make Spencer going to both Caltech and MIT make sense, I figure Spencer would get his PhDs in Mathematics and Chemistry from Caltech then after Diana is institutionalized Spencer enrolls in MIT for engineering. 

The University term dates are loosely based on the academic calendar they provide on their websites.

(Rough) Caltech term dates:

Spring term: April to June

Summer term: June to August

Fall term: September to December

Winter term: January to March

(Rough) MIT term dates:

Spring term: February to May

Summer term:June to August

Fall term: September to December

I know that in the U.S. you don’t have to have a Masters degree to get into the PhD program, but Spencer likes to learn and I figured he might want to get the most out of his time in college- or it might be a little contingency from the University so he’s still pacing himself and they can still see his growth and all that good stuff.

NOW ONTO THE TIMELINE.

At Caltech, Spencer would most likely have more freedom to complete his schooling faster and they would’ve worked with him to create a good plan for him to complete things at his own pace while also following whatever school protocols they have. 

Spencer stays in Pasadena from the Fall term (Begins around mid September), through the winter term, and until the end of the Spring term (Ends around end of June), he goes home to Las Vegas during the summer term and winter/spring breaks.

Beginning of Fall 1994- Starts college @ Caltech studying Mathematics– Age: 12 turning 13

End of Spring 1995- Finishes his Bachelors in Mathematics– Age: 13

Summer 1995- Home

Beginning of Fall 1995- Starts Masters in Mathematics– Age: 13 turning 14

End of Spring 1996- Finishes Masters in Mathematics– Age: 14

Summer 1996- Home

Beginning of Fall 1996- Starts PhD in Mathematics & starts Bachelors in Chemistry– Age:14 turning 15

End of Spring 1997- Finishes Bachelors in Chemistry– Age: 15

Summer 1997- Home

Beginning of Fall 1997- Starts Masters in Chemistry– Age: 15 turning 16

End of Spring 1998- Finishes PhD in Mathematics & finishes Masters in Chemistry– Age: 16

Summer 1998- Home, Diana suffers a bout of bad psychosis and Spencer cannot return full time at Caltech during the Fall term. Due to his mother’s condition, Spencer contacts the school board and they work out a plan where Spencer can work on his Chemistry PhD in Las Vegas with the use of public Library computers and occasional trips to the campus for exams if possible. 

Beginning of Fall 1998- Works on his PhD in Chemistry, living in Las Vegas– Age: 16 turning 17

Spring 1999- Works on his PhD in Chemistry, living in Las Vegas– Age: 17

End of Summer 1999- Finishes PhD in Chemistry, living in Las Vegas– Age: 17

Spencer starts making arrangements to move Diana into a facility when he turns 18. He also applies to MIT to start their engineering program, manages to work out a plan to enroll in their Fall term but only move to a dorm at MIT after he gets his mom institutionalized (around October/November 1999)

Beginning of Fall 1999- Enrolls in MIT’s fall term on scholarship, starts Bachelors in Engineering– Age: 18

End of Spring 2000- Finishes Bachelors in Engineering– Age: 18

Beginning of Summer 2000- Starts Masters in Engineering– Age: 18

End of Fall 2000- Finishes Masters in Engineering– Age: 18 turning 19

Beginning of Spring 2001- Starts PhD in Engineering– Age: 19

Summer 2001- Works on PhD in Engineering– Age: 19

Fall 2001- Works on PhD in Engineering– Age: 19 turning 20

Feeling immense guilt for having his mother institutionalized, Spencer splits his attention between his Engineering studies and studying Schizophrenia independently. At the end of the Fall term at MIT, Spencer starts corresponding with a professor at Harvard University and is invited to help with a study on understanding Schizophrenia and the effects of different medications. He takes off both the Spring and Summer terms of 2002 in order to do said study.

Beginning of Spring 2002- Independent study– Age: 20

End of Summer 2002- Independent study– Age: 20

Beginning of Fall 2002- Resumes working on PhD in Engineering– Age: 20 turning 21

End of Spring 2003- Finishes PhD in Engineering– Age: 21

Beginning of Fall 2003- Starts Bachelors in Psychology at MIT– Age: 21 turning 22

Spencer goes to a seminar hosted by the BAU (Most likely with Gideon and Hotch), he’s very engaged and vocal during the seminar and catches Gideon’s attention.

Spring 2004- Spencer starts at the FBI academy– Age: 22

FBI academy is 4 months.

Summer 2004- Spencer joins the BAU after graduating from the academy– Age: 22

After joining the BAU, Spencer transfers his credit hours from MIT to a University in Washington D.C. to continue going to school part time.

End of Fall 2004- Finishes Bachelors in Psychology– Age: 22 turning 23

Most of Spencer’s attention is on his work in the BAU, so he slows way down on getting his degrees, and gets a degree in sociology both because it interests him and also because it’ll help with work.

Beginning of Spring 2005- Starts Bachelors in Sociology– Age: 23

End of Fall 2005- Finishes Bachelors in Sociology– Age: 23 turning 24

Beginning of Spring 2008- Starts Bachelors in Philosophy– Age: 26

End of Fall 2008- FInishes Bachelors in Philosophy– Age: 26 turning 27

Again: Breen Frazier has said that the line in 07.04 “Painless” about Spencer going to MIT was an error. I actually think it might be another way to show Spencer’s guilt over putting his mom in the psychiatric hospital- being so close without visiting might’ve made him feel even worse so he wanted to run away to a school across the country. 

Also I feel like Spencer having all these degrees shows that he didn’t really know what he was supposed to do with his intellect so he was just doing whatever interested him at the time until he met Gideon.

We are shown two articles (that I can remember) about Spencer college time frame:

There's one from 1997/1998, we are shown an article written about Spencer getting a Bachelor's degree, this would make him ~16. I’m not sure if it lists that it’s his first Bachelor’s degree- but I’m going to say that it’s just about the one he got for Chemistry which was his second Bachelors based on my timeline.

I don’t think it makes sense for Spencer to have done ~3/4 years of college before getting his first bachelors and then the other 6 or so years cramming the rest of his schooling? Eh, I don’t like it.

And there’s one in 04.08 “Memoriam” we are shown an article about Spencer receiving his first PhD at the age of 17. In my timeline he finishes his first PhD at the age of 16- which isn’t too far off so I’m choosing to believe that it’s a typo in the article (I know it’s kinda cheating but whatever).  

I had his PhD programs take around 2 years to complete because research and dissertations take time, no matter how speedy Spencer is.

If Spencer wanted to make any extra cash on the side, he could help with tutoring, work at the campus library, help coach any collegiate sports teams at the college, etc.

A lot of the things I added in this are just things that I thought of and don’t have any sources from the show (ex: Spencer doing school from home to help his mom, and the independent study thing from Spring 2002 to Summer 2002).

Again: a lot of this may be inaccurate, if there is anything you want to add or correct, feel free to do so. I spent only around 5 or so hours on this, it’s not perfect.

I love Spencer Reid. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. 

(if anyone is curious about how I write Spencer, my writing blog is @deepcreekvultures-writing )

[animauxing]

The Roof Leaks Over Me

In a short amount of time, I have lost pieces of significance.

My beloved Stank, has passed away on August 30, 2023.

As you may know, my friendship and love for my dog is something that inspired many of my comics. I am in pieces over Stank's passing, and there has not been an hour where I have not grieved.

Stank has been around me for so long, I forget there was a time we were not together. In the darkest times, I held onto Stank for life. Now, I am lost at sea without the one who could save me.

September 6th is Stank's birthday, and I hope you are able to think of Stank on that day. If the presence of my art, writing, and stories have reached you in any way, please know that you have Stank to thank for it. I owe a lot to my dog, and I could only hope that I gave it all I could in the times we were together.

In our last moments, we tried almost everything to save Stank, from vet visits, medication, lab tests, to ER visits, but ultimately, it was less cruel to let Stank sleep.

Stank passed away on a sunny day in the arms of people who loved it most. After that day, the sky has been cloudy, and I spend my day trying to preserve what little we have left of Stank's presence.

We are left with a heavy burden of our grief along with the financial responsibilities in the wake of Stank's passing. If you are able, we appreciate all the help you can spare our way. If not, I hope you can keep Stank in your memory.

The second bad news more related to this blog is that my original ACNL cartridge that holds CODEC's Limbo has gone missing along with the original ACWW that introduced me to this series.

It is a small loss compared to what I've been through, but it is still a loss knowing how much this game, its content, and the friends I've made through it meant to me. Maybe one day, I will get another cartridge and reconstruct the town, but for now, there is not much I can do in the midst of chaos.

I've had several losses of family and friends in 2023. All I hope is that the love I've been given will help me through this insurmountable grief.

Thank you for your support all these past years, it's been instrumental to me giving Stank a wonderful life. I only hope that was enough.

[d4rkpluto]

i've returned to post about a particular subject i've been fighting to or not to post, because i used to consider this person the closest person in my life and i even considered her as a best friend and a sister.

and we have fallen out and apologised to each other many times, but perhaps whenever we argued it was life telling me that she is not supposed to be in my circle. and you could be wondering why am i bringing this up and telling tumblr this but im telling tumblr this to be aware of @couerardent and her scamming behaviour.

couerardent also known as MYSTIICWINTER OR MYSTICWIINTER.

talk about WORSE SERVICE I HAVE EVER GOTTEN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[other people have come to me and spoke about how bad her services were, but i tried to overlook it because i really cared for her, lessoned learn]

i have always been empathetic towards ardent and her money situation, but there are moments when excuses turn into reasons to not do something. on august, i sent alex money because she needed it, but she also said in return she will give me 4 packs she usually gives her clients and she told me she would give me my money back.

first pack is "tell me your story."

second and other packs she hadnt told me what they were but she informed me that i'll be receiving them weekly since august, and now its november.

at first i was empathetic, since i used to be close to ardent, i knew she went through a lot of stuff at home, so i was patient. until august turned into september, and september turned into october and then october turned into novemeber.

and slowly i became annoyed, [as i should] because her services arent even long or good, as someone who gives chart readings to other people that consists more than fourteen pages, the effort to write that would take long, but ardent doesnt even give five pages for her services, three at most, so why is it taking her so long?

previously, she has joked to me about scamming other people, but would put the blame on them and not want to take accountability until they start using threats to expose her, i think she deleted the making fun of scamming them but here is some of it:

and when i would message her for updates about my reading because it'll take months, she would ignore me and even change her pfp on tumblr or discord, until i reach out to her on more platforms to get her attention.

and what would annoy me even more is that she would talk about how she never has something to do or would focus on other stuff knowing she needs to get my reading done lmao and this would be like 1-2 months after i was supposed to receive any of it lol.

worrying about the layout for almost 3 months PLEASE.

i have received 1/4 readings, and that was now almost 2-3 weeks ago, we should've been on my 2nd or 3rd reading by now, the only reason i have received 1 reading is because i did threaten to expose her if she didnt send the money or reading my way, because even i had some issues because living in london has gotten really difficult and i have been trying to support my family as much as i can, but im doing better right now.

its all about the principle. and she has none of that. and even attempted to victimise herself and behave like she was in distress whenever she got called out about her behaviour.

she lost track of time, the time being 3-4 months lol.

and when i was speaking to her she ignored me for a bit again ha, it was almost comedic. for almost two weeks she didnt try and check what i was speaking about.

she has gotten ill, but this was still months after.

and i have remembered, she has used much of her earned money to fund for her nose job but also uni, but during the moments it was best to pay me back was at the job she said paid her well, she informed me that when she gets paid by her job she'll pay me back, and she never did and ended up quitting the job.

[the unfairness i was speaking about is how uni her country dont do student finances, she's from romania, because they do in the uk it was just a surprise].

i asked her recently on how i was supposed to receive a reading but she didnt reply but change her pfp on whatsapp and discord, again.

if there is any confused people comment please because i did this half asleep lmao

[throneofsapphics]

A rowaeling x reader where she's been mysteriously sick for months and is getting weaker and weaker and they can't spend much time with her because of their duties the one day she calls for them because she knows she's dying?! Like she dies in their arms?!🥺

Love your writing and sorry for any mistake English is not my first language🥰❤

no time left to waste

Rowaelin x Reader

Summary: you keep a deadly secret 

Warnings: angst, death 

A/N: thank you for the request! please don't apologize

They were busy, the Queen and King of Terrasen, for gods sake. You couldn’t bother them over a small stomach bug, something that would get better in time. The times you did get to see them, it wasn’t worth bothering them about - not when you have so little precious time together.

“What’s this?” Rowan asked, snatching a small empty bottle. Something you’d experimented with, some new herbs you found in the library that could’ve helped. 

“A return,” you gave him a small smile. You do run an apothecary. Not really a medical center, you weren’t a healer but you could make small potions and tonics for people. 

He sniffed it. “It’s different.” 

“Trying something new,” you hedged.

“Is that safe?” Aelin asked from your couch. 

You let out a low laugh, “I’ve been consulting healers over it.” You’d been referencing healing texts so far, but not the healers themselves. It was close enough to the truth they didn’t pick up on your lie. Your answer satisfied them and Rowan placed the bottle back down, tugging you over to sit next to Aelin instead. You fought your exhale of relief. 

-

It was getting worse, even you could tell. The few friends you had did too - but you played it off as a small bug and settled on visiting them less. The further you pulled away … if anything happened, that would hurt them less, you tried to reason to yourself. After a few months, you finally visited a healer, a close friend of yours - swearing them to secrecy. Several times a week, she would drop by to check on you - Ella insisted she come visit you instead. 

“It’s nothing contagious,” she’d said - to your relief. “We’ll keep monitoring your progress.” Grief shone in her eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell anyone?” 

“I’m sure.” Your voice was more confident than you felt. Her mouth curved into a frown, and you grasped her hand - realizing how pale your skin had grown. “Please,” you didn’t need to explain what. 

“Not without your permission.” 

-

All of your strength was saved for their visits, putting on the best front you could. 

“You’ve been busy,” Rowan remarked - a line of vials on your sink. You cursed yourself, you meant to clean or hide those earlier. 

“Winter sickness is hitting early.” 

August, normally it wouldn’t pick up until late September. He didn’t question it. You almost wished he would. 

After they left, it settled into you that you likely wouldn’t see another solstice. Wouldn’t make it to your twenty second birthday. Tears streamed down your face and you debated calling them. Two weeks, they’d said - it would be another two weeks before you could see them again. So much could happen in that time. But, you’d dug your own hole and maybe ripping it off like a bandage would be better. 

Ella came by the next day. “If,” you swallowed - fighting the tightness in your throat. “When,” her face fell. She knew the truth as much as you did. “It happens, tell them it was sudden. Please.” 

“I can’t lie to them,” she whispered. It’s the truth - they’d pick out the lie no matter what. 

You reached for a paper, and started writing. Tears still on your face, you sealed it. Ella took it wordlessly.

-

Aelin, just finishing a meeting - received an urgent summons. She rolled her eyes. Everyone seemed to be urgent today - everyone wanted a piece of them. The last week and a half had been grueling, and she and Rowan were looking forward to seeing you. She regretted not being able to visit more, but they did come by as much as they could justify without neglecting their duties. 

A month or so ago, she’d brought up you moving in with them - but you’d denied her offer, explaining you needed your space for your business. Maybe she could ask again. 

Rowan spoke quietly to the messenger. A slight panic, only one she would recognize, showed in his eyes as he turned to her. Y/n, her healer friend sent a message - she’s severely ill. 

Aelin snatched the paper. Severely had been underlined - three times. The hell with the rest of the day, you had never called on them before. She’d leave Aedion to make an excuse for their absence. 

-

You’d finally given the go ahead to Ella, and she rushed to find a messenger - a strongly worded letter in hand. She was panicking, regret rushing through her mind. Why had she let out convince her to keep it a secret? You’d been friends for longer than she could remember - childhood friends. Now, you were on the brink of death and there wasn’t a damned thing you could do about it. Torre healers would be too late - but she’d trained there, and knew there wasn’t anything else to be done. Still, she’d combed every text she could get her hands on over the last few months, consulted with all sorts of healers and nothing. 

She held the door open and the Queen and King rushed her, her knees trembling slightly. The Queen rushed right to you, a faint smile on your lips as you laid out on the couch. She watched as she fell to her knees before you, hands gripping the sides of your face in panic. 

“What happened?” The King asked her, and she told him everything - handing the letter over. He tossed it on the table, not reading it yet, and she slipped out to give you some space, and get herself out of the direct line of fire. 

-

Rowan relayed what happened to her, not daring to speak any of it aloud. Days at the most, the healer had said. How had he not noticed? All of the experiments going on, how you grew weaker. You looked so small, so much tinier than he could remember. Your face had lost some color, eyes more hollow. 

“Why?” he asked. 

“I … you had too much going on.” She said, teeth digging into her bottom lip. He couldn’t find the words to reply. 

Aelin started rushing out words, about bringing different healers over - places they could take you, but you held up a hand. 

“We’ve tried everything.” Everything - over several months. Gods, it hurts. That you thought they would think their work and duties were more important than you. More important than  spending time with you, being there for you through this. He should’ve known. 

Aelin tried to argue with you, but he laid a hand on her shoulder. “I believe you.” He said - and relief flooded through you in a massive wave. Aelin glared at him, but he fixed her with a look; if we only have days, don’t waste them fighting. Aelin’s eyes widened. She was still upset - angry, might be for a while. Gods know he was, but he’d be angry later. Not now, that’s not the memories he wants you to have of them. 

-

“I’m not immortal,” you said - and they both stiffened, “it would’ve happened eventually.”

Aelin only picked you up - wrapping one arm under your knees, the other around your back, and carried you off to your bed. 

They spent all the hours left tucked into bed with you, holding you close - tears falling from all of you. 

You knew exactly when it was happening, and the shuddering breaths tipped them off. 

“No no no no,” Aelin chanted, running a hand over your head, “not yet, please” 

Rowan was a silent and steady presence. 

“It’s time,” you managed to croak out. 

“I love you.” Aelin had never said the words before. Rowan repeated it. So did you. 

It was a prayer and chant on the Queen’s lips, a deathbed declaration - leaving any regrets behind. Rowan ran gentle fingers through your head, Aelin brushed her hands over your cheeks. 

You let your eyes close as you drifted off, a smile on your lips and your last words - three you’d wanted to say for years. Better late than never.

-

Two months later, Rowan and Aelin managed to open your letter. Rowan took extra care, cutting the seal as delicately as he could. He didn't want to damage it, to risk destroying anything of this last ... gift, you'd left behind for them.

I’m sorry. I insisted to keep it a secret.

I know you’re angry and hurt. 

If I didn’t get to say it, I love you with everything in me. 

The text grew shaky at the end - like writing this was difficult enough. She did, her handwriting and her scent lingered. He brought it to his face, breathing in you. Aelin laid her head on his shoulder.

[jinhyun]

hellooo, my lovies!

as you may have noticed i haven't updated either of my ongoing series since september, and before the year ends i would like to clear things up and set things straight when it comes to them.

back in june i began this mandatory 6 months long apprenticeship in order for me to get my law degree, and tbh i got exploited the hell out of me, to the point that i would only think about work 24/7.

up until like the beginning of august i would still daydream and stuff and i came up with back to december way before that and i was so excited for it, but then i just got more and more work in the middle of august and from then on it never stopped. i was in a constant state of stress and anxiety, and i reached a point i had only once in my life before reached, in which i no longer daydreamed lol. i still don't really daydream anymore nor do i make up scenarios before going to bed like i always used to. i finished the apprenticeship in december 7th but there's still paperwork i'm turning in and my mind is pretty much numb at this point, idk how to explain it.

the thing is, although i've tried to take off from where i left the stories since i'm not working anymore, i can't bc i feel nothing. i no longer feel that spark or get excited about writing. sure, drabbles and those silly ot8 texts i've posted i'm okay with and genuinely enjoy writing, bc they're simple and don't require me to get as emotionally involved as a series does. but when it comes to watercolor and back to december i try and try and i just can't.

regarding watercolor, i haven't decided what to do with it yet but i think it's no news that i lost my excitement about it a good while ago. there's only one part left and then the epilogue, but if i'm being completely honest i'm considering just leaving it there and maybe write the epilogue right away.

as in for back to december, i'm putting it on hold indefinitely, mainly bc i don't know when i'm gonna be hit with the inspiration i used to have again and i don't want to keep you guys waiting. i've tried to finish the third part but it's been months and i only get frustrated when the words won't come to me like they used to, so it's not good for me either. just think of it as if it was discontinued but if i ever feel like writing for it again i will.

i know these are very shitty news but i can't keep pushing myself when i don't feel the joy i used to when it comes to writing stories. i hope it goes away soon though bc i do love writing and it's been my escape from reality my whole life, so this is hitting me really hard lol.

i may come back to btd in the future or i may come back with a whole new story i'm excited about, but for now i'm gonna stick to drabbles (or one shots if i feel like writing something longer idk) and fake texts.

i'm really sorry. i used to be really excited about both stories but life happened, and i thought you guys needed an explanation. i hope you understand<3

[vickyvicarious]

Dracula Declarations of Love

There is so much love, and so much talk of love, in this book. It's extremely hard to pick a favorite, but let's give it a go (or just get emotional over a bunch of quotes lined up together).

I tried to stick mostly to declarations/talk about (rather than acts of) love, primarily to focus on specific quotes and help me narrow it down to just twelve (still a big challenge). Before anyone asks, no, "I too can love" is not on here because Dracula's version of love doesn't stack up to the others for me in terms of emotional impact. And these were definitely chosen by my personal preference of specific quotes; there are a bunch of other great words of love that didn't make it in. Also, important note - this is not exclusively romantic love by any means.

The whole quotes don't fit in the poll, so please read below before you vote.

Full Quotes:

11 May, Lucy: "Oh, Mina, couldn't you guess? I love him. I am blushing as I write, for although I think he loves me, he has not told me so in words. But oh, Mina, I love him; I love him; I love him!"

24 May, Quincey: "If that other fellow doesn't know his happiness, well, he'd better look for it soon, or he'll have to deal with me. Little girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that's rarer than a lover; it's more unselfish anyhow."

19 August, Mina: "I have cried over the good Sister's letter till I can feel it wet against my bosom, where it lies. It is of Jonathan, and must be next my heart, for he is in my heart. [...] I must write no more; I must keep it to say to Jonathan, my husband. The letter that he has seen and touched must comfort me till we meet."

24 August, Jonathan and Mina: "Then he took my hand in his, and oh, Lucy, it was the first time he took his wife's hand, and said that it was the dearest thing in all the wide world, and that he would go through all the past again to win it, if need be. [...] Well, my dear, what could I say? I could only tell him that I was the happiest woman in all the wide world, and that I had nothing to give him except myself, my life, and my trust, and that with these went my love and duty for all the days of my life."

24 August, Mina: "Lucy dear, do you know why I tell you all this? It is not only because it is all sweet to me, but because you have been, and are, very dear to me. It was my privilege to be your friend and guide when you came from the schoolroom to prepare for the world of life. I want you to see now, and with the eyes of a very happy wife, whither duty has led me; so that in your own married life you too may be all happy as I am. My dear, please Almighty God, your life may be all it promises: a long day of sunshine, with no harsh wind, no forgetting duty, no distrust. I must not wish you no pain, for that can never be; but I do hope you will be always as happy as I am now."

7 September, Arthur: '"What can I do?" asked Arthur hoarsely. "Tell me, and I shall do it. My life is hers, and I would give the last drop of blood in my body for her."'

17 September, Mina: "Jonathan asks me to send his 'respectful duty,' but I do not think that is good enough from the junior partner of the important firm Hawkins & Harker; and so, as you love me, and he loves me, and I love you with all the moods and tenses of the verb, I send you simply his 'love' instead."

30 September, Mina and Arthur: '"I loved dear Lucy, and I know what she was to you, and what you were to her. She and I were like sisters; and now she is gone, will you not let me be like a sister to you in your trouble? I know what sorrows you have had, though I cannot measure the depth of them. If sympathy and pity can help in your affliction, won't you let me be of some little service—for Lucy's sake?" [...] "I know now how I suffered," he said, as he dried his eyes, "but I do not know even yet—and none other can ever know—how much your sweet sympathy has been to me to-day. I shall know better in time; and believe me that, though I am not ungrateful now, my gratitude will grow with my understanding. You will let me be like a brother, will you not, for all our lives—for dear Lucy's sake?"'

3 October, Jonathan: '"Nonsense, Mina. It is a shame to me to hear such a word [unclean]. I would not hear it of you; and I shall not hear it from you. May God judge me by my deserts, and punish me with more bitter suffering than even this hour, if by any act or will of mine anything ever come between us!" He put out his arms and folded her to his breast; and for a while she lay there sobbing."

3 October, Jonathan: "To one thing I have made up my mind: if we find out that Mina must be a vampire in the end, then she shall not go into that unknown and terrible land alone. I suppose it is thus that in old times one vampire meant many; just as their hideous bodies could only rest in sacred earth, so the holiest love was the recruiting sergeant for their ghastly ranks."

11 October, Mina: "You are nearest and dearest and all the world to me; our souls are knit into one, for all life and all time."

31 October, Mina: "We are truly in the hands of God. He alone knows what may be, and I pray Him, with all the strength of my sad and humble soul, that He will watch over my beloved husband; that whatever may happen, Jonathan may know that I loved him and honoured him more than I can say, and that my latest and truest thought will be always for him."

[inlovewithl3vi]

Helloooo!! I loveee your writing and I wanted to tell you an idea I had!

What do you think about a teen MC who was homeless or comes from a bad family? So they're not naive, they had to grow up from an early age and they know the ins and outs of things

Thank you sm for sharing your writing with us, please remember to drink water and have a good day/night 🩶🩶🩶

Oh my god I’m so sorry that it took me this long to respond to this !!!

This was sent in at the beginning of August… it’s now September.

…anyway! Sorry if this isn’t the best, I wasn’t really sure how to write for this since personally I’ve never experienced this myself. But I tried anyway!

Lucifer definitely knew about your situation, I mean he literally looked through your whole life when trying to pick someone for the exchange program.

He knew you weren’t naive and that you could definitely handle yourself, so he picked you.

Mammon would definitely think you were a stupid kid when you came to the devildom, he also hated the fact he was gonna have to keep you out of trouble.

But when you weren’t stupid and didn’t get killed he started to like you a little more. He definitely tried to scam you too, and when you didn’t fall for it he secretly became a little bit proud of you.

Oh and that whole Belphie trying to trick you thing? Yeah you knew what he was trying to do. I mean you immediately felt that he was kinda off, but you had already made a pact with mammon by the time you figured out that he wanted out of the attic for his own gain so you decided to go with it.

I mean the brothers would protect you! And you have a pact with them! So it’s all good… right?

Yeah no he still kills you (plot development)

Anyway, after that whole thing and just living in the devildom in general you’d probably learn a whole lot more.

Lucifer would definitely like you too, since you were more mature than most of his brothers and that you wouldn’t get yourself killed.

Ngl, the brothers would hate this sometimes. Only because they can’t hide anything from you, you always seem to know when they hide something and you always figure out what it is.

Like when they tried to throw a surprise birthday party for you, you immediately figured it out somehow.

Though they sometimes don’t like the way you always know when they hide things or when they’re up to no good, they actually wanna keep you around more and don’t want you going back to the human realm.

Only because they want you to have a good life, and be able to act like a normal teenager. So you can expect them to keep you in the devildom as much as they can.

[miwhotep]

THE JACK THE RIPPER CASE IN YUUMORI AND IN REALITY

One of my favourite arcs is the Phantom of Whitechapel because it adapted the real Jack the Ripper case quite well and the story was full of elements what actually happened. I wanted to write a little about the similarities as recently was the anniversary of the first murder.

The Jack the Ripper murders or Whitechapel murders took place in 1888 in the East End of London, the infamously poor Whitechapel district where the underclass people lived. Lot of women here earned their money for the living from selling their bodies and a serial killer, Jack the Ripper started to target them. The number of the victims is unsure, the police accepted five murders to be surely connected to Jack the Ripper, they are often referred to as the canonical five. The women got murdered by their throats being cut away and some of their inestines were also removed from their bodies.

The first victim was called Mary Ann Nichols whose body was discovered at 3:40 a.m. on 31th August. She was last seen alive by a woman she lived with in a lodging house. These all are very similar to how Moriarty the Patriot described the murder details, except that there, the victim's name was Melanie Nichols and she was seen with a blond man.

The second victim was Annie Chapman, her body was found at 6 a.m on 8th September and she was last seen half an hour ago in a company of a dark-haired man. The details shown in Yuumori are again similar, just the victim was called Adeline Bergman.

(Interesting addition to here - just like you see, the fan translation uses the victims' real names while the official gave them fake ones. In the original Japanese, also the fake ones are what are used.)

When it comes to the later murders, Yuumori's story deviates from the historical events, since here, the last three victims of the canonical five was just a stage-play by William who tried to catch the killer(s) with setting up a fake Jack the Ripper. In reality, two of the victims, Elizabeth Stride and Catherine Eddowes were found on the same morning of 30th September - the Morigang placing two of the dead bodies at the same place so they get discovered at the same time must be a reference to that. The last victim, Mary Jane Kelly was discovered in the room where she lived on 9th November - her murder was the most gruesome out of the five, what I think Yuumori also referenced with Jack's show who pretended to kill a woman brutally on the roof.

Several letters signed by Jack the Ripper were sent to the newspapers. The media, especially the Central News Agency where some of the letters arrived, also overexaggerated about the details when they wrote about the murders, spreading a lot of misinformation just to sell more papers. In Yuumori, the group of people responsible for the murders who committed them to cause fear in the public and make a revolution by the Whitechapel Vigilance Committee and the police forces collide, hired Milverton to create the Jack the Ripper agenda with the help of his media power and he also manipulated the public opinion. The quotes shown from the letter sent to the Central News in the Moriarty the Patriot manga are from the first letter (called as Dear Boss letter) signed as Jack the Ripper what was also sent to Central News in reality. The real letter was longer and Jack the Ripper threatened to send the lady's ears to the police instead of her organs (however, with one of his later letters, Jack truly sent one of his victims kidney to the police), otherwise they are the same.

The Scotland Yard, just like in Yuumori wasn't really on the top when it came to solve the murders what resulted in riots and conflicts with the Whitechapel Vigilance Committee in reality too. And just like Chief Inspector Arterton was removed from his position in Scotland Yard - tho, for a slightly different reason - for not solving the Jack the Ripper case one of the police chiefs of London back then was also fired. In Moriarty the Patriot, a doctor was wrongly arrested and sent to prison in order to silence the raging public and in real life, lot of doctors were suspected to commit the murders.

In Yuumori, the identity of Jack the Ripper was solved by both Sherlock Holmes and the Morigang - who killed them - but it stayed unsolved for the public. In reality, the identity of Jack the Ripper either remained unsolved or not - few years ago, there was a DNA test what was said to determine the killer's identity, but lot of researchers believe that the test was incorrect and don't accept the answer.

I adore this arc for how well the series merged reality with fiction and it was especially exciting to read knowing the details of the real Jack the Ripper case.

[ask-the-critters-survival-au]

So anybody feeling rather nosy today?

Well I finished Kickin’s entire diary a few weeks ago, and since Hoppy never really got the chance to read the entire thing, I thought I’d share it here!

Please note, on the following dates

November 4, 1997

March 10, 1998

September 4, 1998

Kickin does write down some s*icidal thoughts, that may be triggering to some people. I’d advise you to skip past those if they are triggering for you. I’ll mark them with bold text so you know.

Diary is under the cut! Have fun snooping!

August 26, 1995

I found this notebook by one of the kids’ beds. He didn’t use it at all so I figured it was alright to take it! Not that he is here to stop me anyways. I decided to start writing stuff in here! Just whatever I’m thinking, whenever I feel like it, I guess. Whenever I feel like it. God, that is a WEIRD sentence to say. Or write. But it’s true! It’s my life now! Whenever I feel like it! No more stupid employees here! Haha, get wrecked! Losers. Oh, Hoppy’s calling me. I’m gonna go! I’ll write in you again later! I promise! Wait, why am I promising a notebook that I’ll do something?

October 2, 1995

Okay so I kinda forgot about this thing. Oops! Anyways, I’m getting bored. The soccer ball is starting to deflate and we can’t find the pump. This SUCKS dude. Like, I get the prototype is busy doing whatever, but if he’s all powerful like he says can’t he give us some entertainment around here? Like sheesh! There’s nothing to do. I’m so bored.

October 16, 1995

I’m thinking of growing my hair out. I mean, Crafty is doing it! And it’s getting annoying constantly cutting it. It grows back really fast. Maybe I’ll go for a mullet type look! Just maybe though.

October 29, 1995

DogDay’s missing. We don’t know where he went. We tried searching for him but CatNap told us not to. It’s always what CatNap says. Stupid. I’m going to keep looking anyways. I’m gonna find him.

October 30, 1995

Never mind.

January 1, 1996

Hey, new year! It kinda sucks though. We did absolutely nothing to celebrate. Also, big problem. Bobby found out about my secret crush. Oh I hope nobody ever reads this thing. Don’t tell anybody, but I think I like-like Hoppy. She’s just so cute and pretty and funny and spunky and cool and I love it when she talks about outer space it’s so interesting!!! She’s so fast too, like crazy fast! I think she’s too fast though. She beats me at literally EVERYTHING. That’s okay though! I’m gonna keep getting better until I can win! But yeah. Bobby found out. I’m terrified for my life.

January 23 1996

So we’re starting to run out of food. Catnap said to trust in the prototype and that he’s gonna save us and stuff. I call bull. We need food, not a savior! But he said the prototype has a plan, so I guess we’ll be fine. Still though, I’m getting tired of eating moldy salami.

February 6, 1996

Crafty’s starting to lose it. She started nagging me nonstop because she keeps running out of red marker. I’m gonna avoid her from now on. Her drawings are getting weird. Really weird. Like borderline creepy stuff. She’s going bonkers man, I’m telling you.

May 16, 1996

We ran out of food. Woke up this morning to Picky scoring through the rest of our god damn supply. I swear I am going to SCREAM DUDE!! So what if she’s always hungry?! She’s not the only one who needs food to survive! Unbelievable. What the hell are we going to do now?

May 17, 1996

So that was CatNap’s back up plan. Oh my god. I don’t want to even think about what I’ve done today. I recognized him. Who I ate. He was there when I first woke up. Taking notes in the corner of the room on his clipboard. I feel sick to my stomach. How long are we going to have to do this for?

June 2, 1996

Today feels special. I don’t know why. It just does. Also I’m sorry I haven’t been writing in you as much. I’m just scared of getting caught writing in this thing. What if someone reads it? What if CatNap reads it? Will he get mad at me for what I wrote a few months ago about the prototype? Maybe I should erase it. No I can’t do that, I wrote it in marker. I’m going to keep this thing hidden inside my zipper pocket for now, until I find a better spot.

July 22, 1996

There was a freaking execution today. I’m so disturbed right now. It was one of the tiny DogDays. I’m not really sure what he did, but CatNap made us all watch as he ripped the poor guy apart. He said that’s what happens if you are a heretic. That’s what happens if you speak out even the slightest against the prototype. Bubba told me that he thought one of the other minis had tattled to CatNap about what that tiny DogDay did. That’s insane. I can’t imagine any of my friends doing that to me. Would they do that to me? No, I’m being an idiot. They’d never do that. Regardless I can’t let him find this thing. I don’t want to end up like that mini.

August 8, 1996

It’s officially been a full year since the Hour of Joy. It’s weird to think about. How many full humans have I eaten by now? Maybe eight? Ten? Twelve? Twenty? I lose count. I don’t feel anything when I eat them anymore. It’s easier to imagine them without faces. I always cut off the head so I don’t have to see it. On the bright side, we finally found the pump for the soccer ball. Hoppy and I can finally start playing again. I don’t really think either of us want to though. At least not right now.

September 12, 1996

Hoppy and I had another fight today. I’m writing in this thing because Bobby made us separate. I don’t like being mad at her. I want to apologize but I’m scared to approach her right now. I miss DogDay. I don’t write about him much but I miss him. His name is kind of forbidden to even speak nowadays. Picky thinks he abandoned us. I don’t think he did. He’d never do that. But if he did I want him to come back. Everything’s falling apart without him.

January 12, 1997

I’m sorry it’s been awhile. I don’t really know what to write about today though so I’m gonna end it off here.

February 7, 1997

Sometimes I wonder if I should name this journal something. But I’m not very creative when it comes to names. Crafty is though. She’s been really different lately though. She’s gotten really cheerful for some reason. But say the wrong thing and suddenly you’re on the ground. I’m scared of her. I don’t know what’s going on with her but if she doesn’t get that fixed soon she’s going to get herself killed. Or kill someone else. Either of the two. Maybe even both.

April 25, 1997

Nothing to write about today. I’m just not going to. I don’t feel like it. My hand hurts. I think I’m gonna go back to sleep.

June 2, 1997

It’s the weird day again. The one that feels like it should be special. I don’t know what that feeling is. I asked Bubba about it. He knows a lot, I thought he’d probably know that too. He didn’t though. He said he got that feeling too, sometimes. But neither of us knew why.

June 19, 1997

We ran out of food. I didn’t even know that was possible. There were so many humans working in this factory, how did we run out of them? The entire Playcare was in panic today. CatNap calmed us all down. He said not to worry, because the prototype always has a plan. Okay. If the prototype always has a plan, what is it? Because I’m tired of this whole stupid mess! I want to know what it is! Why can’t I know what it is? This is so dumb! The prototype is so dumb! It makes me want to tear all my feathers out!!!!

September 19, 1997

IM SO HUNGRY SO HUNGRY SO HUNGRY SO HUNGRY I DONT KNOW WHAT TO EAT THERES NOTHING I HAVENT EATEN IN SO LONG I NEED FOOD I NEED FOOD. IM HAVING THESE SCARY THOUGHTS NOW I WANT THEM GONE! I DONT WANT TO HURT ANYONE BUT I NEED TO EAT I NEED TO EAT I NEED TO

September 19, 1997

I did it. I needed to eat. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Picky told us how to find food. There’s plenty of it in the Playhouse. Like livestock, just waiting to be slaughtered. CatNap was so mad. But we have food now. And we all know he’s been eating them too. I feel like a monster. They were like us. But Bubba told me it was necessary. We were all going to die if we didn’t. I’m still sorry though.

November 4, 1997

Bubba got gassed. Badly. I’m so worried about him. We don’t even know why, we just walked in the room and there he was, laying on the ground with scratch marks all over him. How could CatNap have done such a thing? He’s sick. Just sick. I’ve been taking care of him now. I don’t want to leave his side. I’m worried that if I leave for a moment that something will happen to him. Hoppy’s been making me stay active. Sometimes she’s the only reason I keep going on. It’d be so easy just to end it all. She’s there for me though. I love her. God, I love her. I never want anything to happen to her. But I know something’s going to happen to her. That something’s going to happen to all of us eventually. When it happens to her though, it’s gonna happen to me next. I promise it will.

November 14, 1997

I found a boombox today. It’s really cool. I’ve been playing it for Bubba recently. He’s still asleep. I hope he wakes up soon. Did I ever mention in here that I like to dance? It’s really fun. It makes me forget about everything that happened. I lose myself in the movements. I don’t really even know how I know how to dance. I never learned it as a toy. I think I’m gonna go do it now though.

December 3, 1997

THAT JERK! THAT HORRIBLE STUPID DISGUSTING DUMB JERK! I HATE HER! I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER! HOW DARE SHE DO THAT TO BUBBA?? WHEN HAS HE EVER BEEN ANYTHING BUT NICE TO HER???? BUT NOOOOO, I GUESS KINDNESS MEANS NOTHING IN THE EYES OF PICKY PIGGY! ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS HERSELF AND HER APPETITE! I WOULDVE RIPPED OFF SOOO MUCH MORE THAN HER EAR IF I COULD! BUT THEN HOPPY AND BOBBY HAD TO COME IN AND RESTRAIN ME! STUPID! STUPID STUPID STUPID! IM GOING TO KILL HER WHEN I GET THE CHANCE! AND ITS GOING TO BE SLOW AND BRUTAL AND ITS GOING TO HURT!

January 1, 1998

Yay. New year. Yippee.

March 4, 1998

Something bad happened today. I knew it would happen eventually. I think we all did. Crafty finally lost it on the wrong person. She attacked CatNap and then he ripped off her hands as punishment. I could hear every. Single. Agonizing second of her screams. I thought I was used to screaming by now. I guess I was just telling myself that. I hope she survives. That was a lot of blood.

March 6, 1998

What do I do. What do I do. What do I do. Hoppy’s leaving. She just told me she is. Hoppy, Bobby and Crafty are leaving Playcare in a week. They can’t leave. They can’t. CatNap’s going to kill them. He’s going to kill them brutally. And even if he doesn’t, who knows what’s outside of Playcare? Plenty of toys who would be willing to hurt them for food. Hoppy told me to come with them. I can’t go with them. I don’t want to die. But I don’t want them to die. They can’t leave. I don’t want them to leave. But I can’t change Hoppy’s mind. She’s leaving with or without me. How could she do that to me? Just leave me here, all alone with Picky? Bubba’s still asleep. She’s the only one I’ll have to talk to. I don’t want to talk to her. I’m scared. I need to stop them.

March 8, 1998

what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done

March 9, 1998

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so so sorry. I messed up I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry please forgive me. I keep seeing her. She talks to me in my head now, telling me she won’t ever forgive me, no matter how much I grovel and beg. Sometimes I don’t even think it’s in my head. Am I going insane? You don’t deserve to stay sane. You’re right. I don’t. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.

March 10, 1998

The blood won’t come off. It stained my hands. Maybe I deserve that. You do deserve that. You’re right. You’re always right. I deserve it. I haven’t moved from my bed since it happened. I’m hungry but I don’t want to eat. I don’t deserve to eat. Bubba needs me though. At least if Picky tries eating him again there’s nobody to stop me from making her pay this time. I don’t know why I don’t just give up. I should. I made a promise that I would once Hoppy went. Maybe it’s Bubba. Or maybe I’m just making excuses. Maybe I’m just too scared. I’ve never felt so alone before. I deserve to feel alone.

March 24, 1998

I’ve been seeing her a lot lately in my dreams. Always the screaming and then the ear. And then she tells me it’s my fault. I know it’s my fault. But I still don’t understand. Am I selfish for not understanding? Yeah. Probably. But all I ever wanted to do was protect her. I don’t understand why this happened. I don’t understand. Picky’s been avoiding me. That’s fine. I don’t want to see her either.

April 12, 1998

You know what? No. I’m done. I don’t care if CatNap catches me going into the Playhouse. I need to see what’s inside. Maybe she’s inside, and that’s why we aren’t allowed in. I’m going to find her. I’m going to make things right with her. I refuse to believe she’s gone.

July 16, 1998

July. It’s already July. I took that long to recover? Seriously? That was three whole months. Well, I guess loosing an eye will do that to you. I’m still surprised that Picky took care of me while I was hurt. I tried to ask her why but she didn’t respond, so I guess that was that. That doesn’t matter though. He’s alive. He’s alive. DogDay’s alive! He’s been here this entire time, sitting right below our noses and we had no clue! If I can just figure out a way to get him out then he can save us all from this mess! I know he can! I just need to find a way.

July 20, 1998

Bubba woke up. He finally woke up! Oh my god, he finally woke up! It’s been how long, eight months? I’m so thankful. He’s really scared though. He must’ve been through hell. I know from experience the nightmares that stuff gives you aren’t pleasant. I can’t imagine going through that for a whole year. Poor guy.

July 21, 1998

Bubba’s been having trouble walking lately. His legs give out whenever he tries. I guess that makes sense. He hasn’t used his legs in a while. I wish I knew how to give him the proper treatment he needs. Actually, there’s an idea. I should check inside of the school. I’m sure there is something in there about comas.

July 22, 1998

OKAY SO THAT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA. Not only did I find absolutely NOTHING, but I almost got my head bashed in with a freaking mace! That biology teacher has gone wack. Completely wack. Then again, she’s not the only one. I still hear Hoppy. She still visits me. I’ll be in the middle of something and then I’ll just see her. I think I’m starting to hallucinate. I know that’s really bad. But I enjoy seeing her. Even if all she does is cuss me out. It gives me hope. Hope that she’s not Never mind. I shouldn’t be thinking about that. Bury that nice and deep along with the other scary thoughts. She’s not dead. She’s not dead she’s not dead she’s not dead she’s not dead.

August 8, 1998

Third year anniversary. Or is it the fourth? I don’t feel like doing the math. Bubba can walk again now, but all he does is sit against a wall. It feels like my effort was wasted, if I’m honest. He doesn’t like eating. Or sleeping. He hates sleeping. I tried to give him some books to read that I stole from the councilors office, but he ignored them. Some days he refuses to sleep so badly to the point where I have to knock him out for him to get a little shut eye. I feel bad for him. He doesn’t deserve this. If I could take his place I would in a heartbeat. Maybe if it was me instead of him I wouldn’t have messed up so horribly.

September 4, 1998

It’s one of those days where the hallucinations are bad again. Sometimes I wonder if it even is a hallucination. Am I actually seeing her? She’s looking over my shoulder right now. Watching me write. She looks so real. And the stuff she says feels so real. I want her to be real. I want to hold her in my arms. She just told me if I ever try to do that she’s going to push me off the cloud I’m on. I think she knows I wouldn’t save myself.

September 18, 1998

Bubba’s been getting better. He’s started talking again. Only sometimes though. And he never says much. It’s a start though.

November 10, 1998

I think I just saw Picky chasing Hoppy away from the councilors office. I must’ve just been hallucinating again. She was carrying something though. It looked like a computer? I’ve never seen that before. Probably just another hallucination.

[meichenxi]

Hanzi update (+accidental trauma talk)

tw illness, trauma, vomiting, weight loss, recovery. I didn't plan to write about this but because of what happened in the last year I can't really write about how I studied Chinese without talking about it. so. but it's mainly about hanzi lol

I've been learning how to write traditional characters with the vague idea that I'd go and study in Taiwan, and also that if I want to write Classical Chinese or Japanese they're far more useful - but the program I want to go to Taiwan for requires HSK7, which I DO not think I can achieve and have the results of before March. Who knows! Perhaps within me lies untold brilliance and dedication!!

...well, I wouldn't rely on it. (I am also busy with a job, a partner, studying an A-level course to begin tutoring it in September, and writing the second draft of my novel.)

And even if I ended up going to Taiwan with my absolutely fantastic HSK7, there's no way I could handwrite all of those words within a year. If I learn 10 characters a day, that's like 3650 characters in a year, but realistically that will never happen - and you still have to actually remember them.

I also know from my last experience where I learnt a stupid amount of characters very quickly (about 800 in two weeks) that I can technically do it, I have a very large swollen brain, but then the brain, being very large and very swollen, promptly burns out. And leaves me to not do any Chinese again for like two months. So basically - completely pointless, because after those two months of rest I had forgotten most of them anyway. I will not be doing that again.

This time around I have been slowly, very slowly, learning things on Skritter. I have about 400 characters so far. I'm not doing words but doing characters, which is a bit slower, but I figure it'll be more useful in the long run. After I have the first 1000, I'm planning to then systematically go through the HSK and TOCFL lists and check I know how to put characters together and which 'jing' is used in 'yijing' etc.

This approach is only really going to work because I know a lot of vocabulary and can read a lot of stuff already - otherwise I wouldn't recommend to anybody without that backbone of vocabulary to just learn random isolated characters, unless you're masochistic or much harder-core than I am.

As I have said in a lot of posts before, I had a very difficult experience in China last August and have basically taken an entire year off studying because in all honesty I just couldn't bring myself to face the language again. Every time I tried I had this crazy grief and nightmares and stress response. What I went through was so stressful that during those two months in China that I lost seven kilograms, as I couldn't eat much without vomiting it back up due to stress and fear, didn't sleep, and ended up having to leave for Thailand pretty severely malnutritioned - which then made me susceptible to illnesses there and I spent the next two months after with awful health, vomiting and weak and generally sick. Luckily I was with friends and I gained the weight again and my period and digestive system sorted itself out.

And I never expected that a language itself could carry trauma? Like. Nobody died, it wasn't like that, I wasn't abused or assaulted or anything but still...for just under a year, every time I spoke or heard or read Chinese I couldn't help thinking of those two months. Even now it's still hard. I'm finding my way back to it but, to be honest, I didn't expect how hard it would be. I thought I could just - move past it, because I'd already had so many great experiences in China and Taiwan and with Chinese, that they would cancel each other out or at least be aided by the huge amounts of love that the language has shown me. Alas, it was not the case.

Anyway. All of that to say - I have only managed to do about 400 characters in a year, because I essentially gave up studying completely.

Now I've just finished reviewing and re-remembering those 400 characters on Skritter, so I'm ready to start again! I don't know what's changed, I guess just time - I feel more positive, I feel curious and interested about the language again. I don't know. I'm not going to question it too deeply. But for these past two weeks, I've been having a lot of fun :)

I'll update everyone on my progress as I go! Next post - 500.