#what if i cast aside the novel and make him as god intended

[grinsgrimmy]

Ａ Ｇ Ａ Ｉ Ｎ .

ㅤᯓᡣ𐭩 𝖢𝖨𝖤𝖫 𝗑 𝖠𝖥𝖠𝖡!𝖱𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

HOW TO REJECT MY OBSESSIVE EX-HUSBAND

๋࣭⭑ֶֶֶָָָ֢֢֢𖹭 oneshot . (2064 words)

sum. ciel, haunted by the regret of his past life where he failed to love you, he showered you with affection in the second life, wanting you back.

ㅤㅤ like ciel? check out ciel/reader/jace drabble .

note : spoilers to the novel if you squint

ㅤ⪩⪨ m.list

“wife.”

ciel purred. he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, a serene and affectionate smile gracing his often cold face.

his nose pressed against the crook of your neck, you could feel him planting several kisses along your shoulder— as if he were worshipping you.

breathless his eyes gazed back at yours, sparkling with adoration. “talk to me, wife,” ciel pleaded gently, pressing a loving kiss to your cheek.

you could only remain silent, flustered. though a part of your being hated him to the core, you could not help but melt into his affections.

you refused to give him any ounce of reaction that could feed his excitement.

ciel was intentionally doing this. barging into your bedroom in the middle of the night, begging for your attention and guiding. when you refused, he opted to drown you in his affections, hoping to chop down that guard you put up.

there was an incredibly good reason why you refused to open up to him. even ciel respected that choice you made because he was aware of it himself.

in your previous lives, he never did love you the way he did in your second life. before, he was reserved, stern, and cold. he was flawed in many ways. he was restricted from loving you due to his circumstances.

though he loved you all the same and more when he lost you.

life really showed him how much he took you for granted when you were killed by a monster that one day. ciel could remember it clearly, haunted by it that memory.

ciel was not a part of that mission when you had profusely asked him to. he reluctantly had to refuse you since he was busy with other matters, unfortunately.

but how much he regretted refusing you that day.

everyone in your team returned safe. except you.

you, who was killed brutally by a monster after recklessly deciding to risk your life for another guide. the team came home with the devastating news that soon reached his ears.

the team did not bother to recover your body. they gave an excuse that your body was not recoverable. ciel refused to believe that.

he burnt down the entire building into ashes that day, out of grief and terror, killing himself and everyone in it.

when he woke up, he returned to his world. his original world. and in the past too.

regardless, he vowed to love you again if he found you in his second life. he thought he needed to go back to the other world to find you.

to his luck, you reincarnated into his world. it did not take him long to trace you.

how did he know?

ciel remembered you, you every being. from your expressions to the way you move, to your preferences, to your scent, the way your guiding feels— everything.

he is obsessed with everything about you.

at first, the reincarnated you gave tiny signs. you had expressions and a pattern of speaking similar to the past you, ciel noticed. then, it went to your talents and skills. eerily similar to you.

then, he was blessed to receive your guiding.

your guiding.

one of the reasons why he felt incredibly blessed to have met you, to have you as his only guide. undenying pleasure and comfort. that was what your guide did to him.

you became his home. his home that he took for granted. his home that he should have shown love despite his restrictions.

when ciel felt your reincarnated self's guiding, he knew it was you. his wife. his dearest wife.

as if the hollow soul of his was resorted, your guiding washed over him like the gentlest of waves.

he clung onto you ever since then, following you like a lost puppy. you never gave any confirmation that you were his wife from his former life, but he does not need any vocal confirmation from you.

your guiding proved everything to him. you two are still linked, even after death.

you refused to open up to him. he understood why. he was never a good partner, or a good husband to you.

ciel was utmost cold to you, to everyone.

though no words could excuse his actions, but his coldness stemmed from the fact that he was taken from his real home and was forced to become a lab experiment and soldier due to how strong he was as an esper.

he could not show his emotions.

you could be in danger because of it.

you were, in every way, his weakness. his only weakness.

you died before he could even show you an ounce of his true feelings.

regardless, that was his regret. his only regret. never loving you the way you deserved.

therefore, he wishes to love you properly then. with you in this world with him. no one to force him around, no city to save— he could focus on you and solely you.

but you refused him. for months.

ciel refused to give up.

you were guarded, only to him. the unspoken pain clung onto you, the one that was haunted by the past. the one that made you incredibly wary of him, unable to trust him.

since in two of yours' first lives, you gave him the world.

ciel did not return it back then. he could not either way.

but he wished to give you the world now.

he longed for you.

with your every denial, rejection, and refusal, it only deepened his longing. it stirred the fierce and fiery need within him to protect you and to make amends for all those moments he had failed and disappointed you.

even if it takes years. or the next life.

he wishes to love you just as you loved him back then.

ciel began to grow desperate— obsessed. he used any means within his power to string you back to him.

he is a duke in his world. he had every power to create a lot of obstacles within your life that could end you back to him.

was he crazy for this? absolutely.

but ciel never saw it as something incredibly wrong when all he wanted to do was worship the ground you walked on.

he showered you with gifts—anything your heart desires, he could send it to your front door in a matter of seconds if he could.

anything.

but ciel never got mad over your wary heart. only hurt. disappointed, but he respected it. wholeheartedly.

in a way, he knew he deserved it.

ciel should have, at least, shown you how much he truly loved you back then. but he was a coward, until the end.

he was not going to give up on the opportunity anymore. even if he was going to be called insane, obsessed, and crazy by you. he would not stop.

ciel knew your heart beat the same speed as his whenever you two were together.

he knew, deep down, you still loved him despite everything.

because it is you. the sweet person that you are. a woman he never deserved, but his lives were blessed for him to meet you. to have you.

“i love you,” ciel whispered lovingly into your ear. a giddish grin on his lips, his cheeks flushed red as he continued to plant kisses all over your neck, hoping you would react.

you did not budge. you refuse to.

but your heart skipped a beat when he proclaimed his love to you.

until he decided to whisper into your ear, “wife, i love you, truly,” he repeated again, kissing your jawline, reverring in your warmth.

you could feel his heartbeat pounding against your back, the rhythm mirroring the emotions he was expressing. each of his words was a thread woven with vulnerability, regret, and a depth of longing that surpassed lifetimes.

he held you close to himself. “i will love you now,” he muttered weakly, gritting his teeth. “as i now have a chance to love you freely without any shackles,” his saddened yet loving eyes slowly met yours.

“even if it takes another lifetime for you to forgive me, i will love you until the next,” a promise that transcends the universe.

he hoped to peel the layers of past misunderstandings, showing the aching remorse he harboured deep within since his first life.

your chest clenched. you knew what he said was genuine. his eyes said it all.

you had spent a few years since you got reincarnated to nurse the wounds of an unreturned love from your past life— only for the man who caused it to return to you, holding you like a lifeline amidst a storm.

the memories, the loneliness, and the betrayal lingered, holding you back like invisible chains. but yet, you ended up accepting his love.

he pressed desperate kisses onto your shoulder, your neck, your cheek, then your forehead, but he never leaned to your lips.

he knew that needed to be earned.

ciel wanted to earn it.

ciel let out a shaky sigh, resting his forehead on the back of your head. he was falling apart at the seams.

a part of him wished you never remembered your shared past life. he wanted to sweep you away and begin a fresh new start with you.

but that would be absolutely selfish of him.

he would have never redeemed himself if so.

“i'll never let you go again,” he vowed, kissing the top of your head. “i'll wait for you, i swear,” he left a sloppy kiss on your neck, desperate. he could feel tears stinging the corners of his eyes as he gripped onto you.

you never gave him an answer; you could not.

your heart thundered painfully in your chest. you were torn between the past and present. you yearned to lean on him, to believe things could truly be different as he promised.

but your memories of your unreturned love held you back.

“i can't undo the past,” ciel muttered brokenly, grasping onto you as if you would disappear if he let go. “but i want to show you the love you deserved now and then,” he murmured quietly with honesty.

for the first time, it was you who looked at him, letting his words sink in. his eyes were shimmering, no longer cold and dead as you once knew. the sincerity, it was almost overwhelming.

ciel was different.

you could feel the weight of his regret, the depth of his untold love, and the weakness he had solely for you. all bare and vulnerable.

slowly but surely, your hand rested on top of his—

contact guiding.

you willingly gave it.

you willingly gave your guiding to him.

ciel gasped, his cheeks immediately flushed red as he choked up in pleasure at the overwhelming comfort of the feeling.

his heartbeat increased, and his hands moved from your waist to grip yours. his longing eyes, filled with love, met yours. “m, may i?” ciel choked out, his entire face decorated with a bright colour of red.

you knew what he meant.

despite the shackles of the past, you nodded. you allowed him.

because in the end, no matter what he did, you still love him so. you were a fool like that.

at your nod, ciel quickly grabbed you by your hips to turn you around. his hands gently yet urgently cup your cheeks.

his eyes scanned your face, as if searching for hesistance, any ounce of rejection— there were none.

he dived down to your lips, locking his with yours. the kiss was tender, as if ciel was pouring every lifetime's worth of regret and love into it.

his lips trembled against yours, fearing you would pull away out of regret. he held you close, his touch spreading a gentle warmth through you.

you tried pulling away from the kiss, but he dived back down to your lips. he intertwined your fingers with his.

the chains of the past, one by one, were beginning to lift, replacing that guarded heart of yours with hope of something new.

you could never forget the past, but maybe.

maybe he could be the partner you had dreamt of him to be.

that night, he whispered words of love and devotion into the quiet night that belonged to both of you.

you allowed yourself to love again. in his arms.

and for ciel, maybe one day you will say you life him again.

he awaits for that day.

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[bestworstcase]

is there anything about rwby that you would have done differently as a writer? i.e. introducing certain ideas of characters earlier, complete wholesale changes, etc.

in terms of major narrative choices, adam attempts to assassinate sienna as in canon but her personal guard remains loyal, there’s a scuffle, and she’s able to escape wounded but alive, showing up at haven to pincer adam’s forces with the faction of the white fang that refuses to go along with his coup.

the albains are loyal to sienna but still weird and disliked – not for sinister foreshadowing but because sometimes people are just sort of weird and off-putting, and that’s a fun trait to give a couple of good guys who show the fuck up to defend an ally who’s hitherto been a bit distrustful and cool toward them when the violent splinter group tries to assassinate him; narratively the albains being like this while aligning themselves firmly with sienna also provides an opportunity to cast the belladonna’s alliance with and support of sienna into sharper focus and perhaps allows for blake to bounce off and talk to some guys in the “yes direct action and tactical violence, no whatever the fuck adam’s doing” camp to refine her understanding of the white fang and make it clearer how adam corrupted what sienna does and believes.

and the arc resolution is sienna reclaiming leadership of the white fang and preparing to clean house while ghira and ilia plan a second, separate but allied organization focused on advocacy with the overall point being that expecting one group to do and be everything is part of the problem.

i talk about this more here. the white fang arc really isn’t as bad as its frequently maligned but suffers from a lack of clarity in how it’s intended message is delivered; the point of sienna surviving and having genuine allies to represent her side in menagerie is to address that lack of clarity by articulating her philosophy and underscoring that the belladonnas support her and ally themselves with her because the objection isn’t “violence in bad” but rather “indiscriminate violence that materially harms the cause and violent infighting are bad.”

aside from that, i wouldn’t change anything significant presuming that i had to work under the same conditions as the actual writers (<- if they hadn’t lost those two episodes in v9, 9.10 wouldn’t feel so rushed and we’d have got that animatic as a full episode; if there hadn’t been budget issues in v5 mistral wouldn’t feel so empty; etc it’s very easy to fix problems like this in hypotheticals where you imagine you have infinite time and money, but in the real world if this were my story and i faced these sort of logistical challenges it would be to the detriment of the narrative in the same ways and i have no interest in pretending otherwise).

all that said

if i were the one writing this story and either i had more money or it was, like, a series of novels (<- which is what i’d be writing, realistically) – the religious layer of the story would be a lot more overt, not just in terms of the religious conflict with regard to the brothers but i would flesh out 1-2 other religions too. blake’s arc would feature wrestling with complicated feelings about god-of-animals-worship. ruby and yang would’ve been raised monotheistic light-worshippers; weiss would be a lapsed orthodox brother-cultist (in my head this is comparable to, say, the chasm between evangelical protestants and a lapsed catholic). oscar would be stolidly practicing some other religion that has nothing to do with the brothers, to ozma’s consternation, because that’s funny. salem would be still a polytheist but pointedly not worshipping Those Two, because that’s also funny.

<- this is not to “”fix“” anything i just think it’s important as a writer to be self-indulgent. and i like fantasy religions. bfrgscbk

[booksandwords]

Instinct by Sherrilyn McQueen

Series: Chronicles of Nick, #6 Read time: 2 Days Rating: 5/5

The quote: You were kind to me and I don’t believe in repaying kindness with cruelty. — Xevikan Daraxerxes

God Xev breaks my heart. A whole lot of the support cast in CoN are heartbreaking but there is something else about Xevikan that is just something else. He is pain, PTSD and power. “To give you an inkling, Gautier, I was the only ancient god born who could kill a Chthonian.”, look he is terrifying powerful and I adore him. I love Caleb I do but his inability to listen to Xev's side of the Liliana disaster makes me want to cry, slap him and then say 'what would Liliana say to you now'. Xev is tortured by that moment and we see it, I want to see more of it because there is trauma there that needs to understood. His reaction to Aeron says a lot. Oh and I'm so pleased with how we've met Aeron, I knew of him but not his story. Though there is something truly musing about seeing Xev as an Egyptian Mau nicknamed Mr. Fuzzy Boots., of course, Xev hates the name. Nick and Xev have one of the best relationships in the series. Nick is the only person who sees Xev. I know that was an unusual start, I needed to get it out of my system.

While Illusion helps the readers understand Kody and her parentage and family, Instinct deals as best as it can with Calebs. But Caleb's family is, at best, complicated. And this entire book is essentially done with Caleb absent due to the monster of the week. That monster of the week was someone I had not even thought of. I'm not sure entirely where this fits in. At times it feels like it follows on almost immediately from Illusion, at times it feels like some time has passed. But there is one line I found interesting "He’d only known it existed for less than two years." between Infinity and the end of Instinct is less than two years, and there is a year-long gap in there somewhere. There is a lot to digest coming out of this. All the characters in play, the changes in the world in dynamic and the new pieces of lore to deal with. The plot boils down to Nick working with his allies to save Cherise and Caleb and deciding whom he can trust. CoN books seem to have simplistic plots but the plot is not the point of them, they are character and lore driven. And the plot does well to display the characters in different lights. It gives some idea of where this might be going and Ambrose's shocking appearance was not a good sign. I really enjoyed this it moves at a good pace and doesn't try to do anything too smart. But I really wish there were family trees for some of these characters somewhere. That conversation between Xev and Mennie gets complicated fast even knowing the players. That said the ignorance is in line with Nick's knowledge base so it does fit.

All right have a dump of notes because otherwise, this review becomes obscenely long.

The six generals of the ušumgallu. Grim, Bane and Laguerre who live permanently earthside. The others who had to be called, Xevikan, Livia and Yrre.

The six primal gods. Those of the light; Razer, Cam and Verlyn. Those of the dark; Noir, Azure and Braith. Braith is complicated, while she aligns to the dark she is more grey. Two of the primary gods are missing; Razer and Braith. Verlyn was captured.

It wasn’t easy being Death. Made it hard to make friends. Harder still to keep them. No one was ever really happy to see you. Being around anyone tended to make them nervous and jumpy. Really sucked most days." — Being is Grim's head is something different. That is where we spend the prologue.

Braith got screwed by her siblings. I don't blame her from hiding from them for such a long time.

Zeitjägers. That's Germanic and German is a constructive language. Zeit is time. Jäger is hunter. Zeitjägers are entirely Sherri's creation as far as I can tell. But German is an interesting choice linguistically.

“Believe it or not, he can be quite charming when he’s not psychotic. And Hekate has always had a thing for bad boys.” — This about Noir. This is right after we meet Dagon, their son.

“That was you what done that with Zeus and them Arcadians and gots into all that trouble? Ooo, I remember that. That was so bad for you, but so nice for you to do! You the Simi’s hero.” — mine too Simi queen, mine too. Long story short Dagon helped Lycaon create the Were-hunters. I didn't know we knew him. And with his parentage, I'm not surprised he's willing to rebel.

Oh Noir, how did you get that body?  And can please gtfo so we can have it back?

I knew Aeron was going to be important but I didn't understand why.

“But be warned with that lineup, Malachai, you have chosen one of the most powerful groups ever assembled. Together, they could wield enough power to one day kill you.” — Damn Nick that is a smart play. It's an insurance policy. Also good choices, they are all super intelligent in their own fields too.

As an aside. I can't remember another character like Liliana. A character with a shattering impact who is never met. She feels like more than Caleb's wife at times, she feels like an anchor for him. As Nick points out other characters in Sherri's verses have this but we spend substantial time with them in flashbacks. That is not the case with Liliana.

Am I the only one reading this series that feels like there is a book missing? When did Nick find out about Mennie/Ma'at, Nashira, his brother, Monakribos (well his name), in some ways even the names of the 6 source? These aren't just important to Nick, they are important to US. While I do read the Dark-Hunter novels as well and am aware of some of the surrounding lore the primary intended audience of the CoN series would not be. The DH novels are aimed at adults and contain content as such, the CoN novels are aimed at those in their teens.

I want to add this too... this is what an Egyptian Mau looks like.

And when you know Xev has an attitude (for a reason) this is perfect.

[davidmann95]

For definitely no reason whatsoever, in response to nothing specific, can you rank the DC Multiverse Earths and tell us a bit about why each is in its place on the list?

Were this in response to an article, I could assure that I generally enjoy the writer’s output perfectly well from what I’ve seen and was absolutely baffled by the bizarrely selective research that went into it. Anyway, I hope you feel guilty enabling the amount of work I put into this truly ridiculous task by the end.

Cliff notes for the relatively uninitiated: that gorgeous monstrosity up above is The Map Of The Multiverse from the miniseries Multiversity, presented as a series of concentric circles bordered by the ‘Overvoid’ that all of reality is suspended in (and framed in such a way as to make clear it is the white of the pages comics are printed on). You go inwards from the borders of creation - moving moreso with each sphere from abstraction to the realm of the physical - to the Monitor Sphere in which once lived the near-omnipotent, now nearly extinct Monitor race that observed and maintained the multiverse, into the Sphere of Gods where the various beings of myth and divinity dwell, and into the innermost sphere where ‘we’ live. The 52 Earths you see within aren’t the whole of the multiverse but the ‘local’ 52 worlds, with infinite other Earths dwelling in their own dimensional pockets; all these universes actually exist in the same three-dimensional space at the same time but suspended in a higher-dimensional substance called ‘the Bleed’, and vibrating at distinct frequencies. Also there’s a ‘Dark Multiverse’ that’s cosmologically speaking ‘beneath’ the map, disintegrating half-formed potential realities that new proper universes are culled from. There’s a lot more to it than even all of that, but that’s enough to explain what’s up with these.

My ranking here is obviously subjective, but mostly comes down to a mix of ‘how cool is this Earth’, ‘how much would this Earth be worth using again’, ‘how well does it work in the context of being part of a shared multiverse’, and ‘do I seriously see creators unearthing any of this Earth’s potential down the road’. Also, Earths 24, 27, 28, 46, and 49 aren’t here, as they’re among the 7 Unknown Earths on the map that were left behind for future creators to define; 14 and apparently 25 have since been revealed.

64. Earth 14

A worthy bottom-place entry, Earth 14 is at the top of the Multiverse Map, and is shown as physically different from the other Earths, seemingly vibrating as if in two places at once; map co-designer and illustrator Rian Hughes suggested in an interview the intent was that this was where new universes entered the multiverse. Instead, ending up the first Unknown Earth to be revealed after the doors were opened to other creative teams, it was shown as a generic dystopian world home to a ‘Justice League of Assassins’ that were quickly dispatched by a generic cosmic threat. A monumental tribute to contextual ignorance and creative laziness.

63. Flashpoint

This is one of several Earths I’ll touch on that exist in neither the ‘local’ nor Dark Multiverse, but has directly crossed over or been framed in reference to the currently operating version of the DC Universe and so is probably worth a mention even if I’m not going over every Elseworlds and Imaginary Story DC has ever published. Another dystopian world, in this one an attempt by The Flash at fixing a change to history resulted in an Earth torn apart by war between Aquaman and Wonder Woman, where Cyborg was America’s greatest hero and Kal-El was held captive his entire life in a military bunker rather than becoming Superman. Aside from the prospect of a Thomas Wayne who became Batman when Bruce was gunned down as a child rather than vice-versa - resulting in him being pulled into a recent Batman run after this worlds’ destruction, the reason for this Earth’s inclusion - absolutely nothing of value came of this or the stories tied into it, such that astonishingly in spite of being the impetus for one of the biggest DC reboots of all time with theoretically an entire revised history to play with, essentially no one cares about this anymore.

62. Earth 1

The site of DC’s standalone, bookstore-market oriented ‘Earth One’ graphic novels. The incredible tunnel vision of marketing these for that purpose with titles that exist in reference to their multiversal structure aside, the Green Lantern book is the only one of those I’ve heard about being even kind of good; the rest top out at an interesting failure in Wonder Woman, with a standard forgettable failure in Teen Titans and truly flabbergasting misfires in Superman and Batman. Even Multiverse Map co-designer and writer Grant Morrison described this Earth in a blurb as having a history ‘in flux’, implicitly permitting the reader to believe it’s something else if they really want to, but as it stands in spite of the theoretical wide-open possibilities the foundations have already been built on salted Earth.

61. Watchmen

Home to the cast of characters of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ seminal miniseries. Crossed over with the DC Universe 30+ year later in Doomsday Clock, which clearly intended to set up this world as one ripe for future stories and development rather than a singular text, but instead misinterpreted, stripmined, and otherwise nuked essentially everything that might have had one interested in exploring it further in the first place (in spite of the source text’s very definitive conclusions to all major narrative threads and characters). The only reason this is not ranked even lower is the possibility that the upcoming, as-yet untitled Watchmen project by Tom King and Jorge Fornes might manage to dredge something out of this.

60. Earth Negative 11

The first of the Dark Multiverse Earths here, a gender-flipped Earth where Bryce Wayne generically altered herself into an Atlantean in order to do battle with Aquawoman and the forces of Atlantis. As the Dark Multiverse worlds we have seen thus far are described as being borne of Bruce Wayne’s fears, it’s odd that as opposed to the ‘want of a nail’ scenarios shown on all others, this includes the additional twist of making Bruce a woman, yet does nothing with that. Anyway, this is a very clear product of the Dark Multiverse’s debut in Dark Nights: Metal wanting an evil Batman to correspond to each member of the Justice League, and it’s the oddest, most perfunctory of the lot.

59. Earth 34

Home to the heroes of the Light Brigade, defenders of Cosmoville, this is an Earth meant to evoke the classic creator-owned superhero comic Astro City. However, as Astro City is itself made up of archetypal signifiers yet isn’t meta about its usage of them, being defined by its storytelling principles rather than the shared universe it builds up in the background, there are essentially no stories to be told here that couldn’t be told with the regular heroes of the DC universe. Which is a shame, those are some neat character designs.

58. Earth Negative 12

A Dark Multiverse Earth where believing Wonder Woman killed in a battle with the war god Ares, Batman took up the deity’s helm in hopes of redefining war, instead being corrupted by it and becoming an unstoppable monster. There’s basically nothing here.

57. Earth Negative 44

A Dark Multiverse Earth where a computer program meant to replicate Alfred after the butler’s untimely death, attempting to protect its charge, takes control of Batman by way of mechanizing him and turns Gotham into a digital nightmare. A little more on-point than the previous entry, but still not much here.

56. Earth Negative 22

A Dark Multiverse Earth where Batman is finally pushed into killing the Joker, but the Clown Prince of Crime secretes a particularly potent Joker Toxin upon his death that corrupts the Caped Crusader into a second Joker known as The Batman Who Laughs, who slaughters his way across his universe before ultimately making his way to the ‘main’ DCU. The prospect of a Batman/Joker combination is interesting, but an origin for the ultimate corrupted Batman ‘he got drugged into going bad’ falls short.

55. Earth Negative 32

A Dark Multiverse Earth where Bruce Wayne moments after his parents’ deaths was judged worthy of a Green Lantern ring, but having only his hatred of crime rather than the discipline and morality he would come to develop becomes the murderous terror of the underworld, with even the Corps unable to stop him when he manages to force the darkness of his heart through the ring into ‘dark constructs’. Another ultimately throwaway Earth, this at least illustrates the properties of the Dark Multiverse in an interesting way: the constructs he creates aren’t something that’s ever been indicated as being possible or even sensible with the ‘real’ Green Lantern, but as this is a world literally made of nightmares that’s irrelevant.

54. Earth 39

Home to the United Nations superspies the Agents of W.O.N.D.E.R., who operating using super-technology with eventually deleterious side-effects. A pastiche of the obscure T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents, it’s hard to imagine anyone with much to say about them wouldn’t simply wish to write an actual comic about them under the current rights-holders, though the concepts described in Morrison’s provided information are enticing.

53. Earth 41

A riff on several of the superheroes published by Image Comics over the years, they’re worth having around for the occasional heroes of the multiverse groupshots for your big crossover comics and Dino-Cop turned out to be charming, but it’s doubtful someone with a big Spawn story in them for instance would use Spore as their outlet.

52. Earth 9

All I know about this is that this is a ‘what if superheroes really changed the world’ Earth, and when those are a dime a dozen, the additional conceits of the names of the various characters not at all corresponding to their traditional backstories and attributes, and being the brainchild of creator Dan Jurgens, are far from enough to sway me. I understand there are some fans out there who may heartily disagree, to be fair.

51. Earth Negative 52

Another Dark Multiverse throwaway Earth, this time one where a Batman shattered by losing his various partners taps into the Speed Force so that he can finally be everywhere at once to stop all crime. This is distinct however in that he achieves this by defeating The Flash, chaining him to the hood of the Batmobile, and driving it so fast their atoms explode and merge, which is thoroughly rad and gets it big-time bonus points next to its contemporaries.

50. Earth 37

An Earth based on the DC works of creator Howard Chaykin, its conceit of being a world that progressed technologically far faster than our world but culturally remains decades behind us is interesting, but I’m not much of a fan of his work that I’ve read and most of what’s been drawn upon here doesn’t seem to have much of a following.

49. Earth 30

The world of Superman: Red Son, where Kal-L landed in the Ukraine and grew up to become leader of a global Soviet Union, before realizing he had deformed humanity’s development and faking his death. Leaving Earth in the hands of a Lex Luthor who while still very much a bastard found public approval in America for fighting Superman, Lex ultimately led Earth into a utopia that over time fell into complacency and became its universe’s version of Krypton, Jor-L (Luthor’s distant descendant) and Lara sending their baby back in time to survive and establishing a predestination loop. While several elements of the DC Universe are present in a limited capacity that could in theory be expanded on, Superman and Wonder Woman are the only superheroes of long-term note and both their stories are very much concluded, seemingly leaving little to do here except have the Superman with the hammer and sickle logo show up in event comics.

48. Earth 6

The world of the Just Imagine Stan Lee Created The DC Universe series, where the father of the Marvel Universe rebuilt several DC figureheads from the name and a few pieces of imagery up. The results were mixed at best, but a series of gorgeous artists involved in the projects mean the characters certainly look interesting even if it’s hard to imagine creators going back here in any meaningful capacity.

47. Earth Negative 1

A Dark Multiverse world where Superman turned on humanity for reasons unknown, and Batman deliberately infected himself with the ‘Doomsday Virus’ to gain the properties of the hulking monster and defeat his former friend. Now numbed to human emotion and vulnerability, this Batman hopes to spread the virus as to make humanity similarly indestructible, as well as shield them emotionally from what he has come to see as the false hope Superman represents. This Batman didn’t end up a major figure in the same way as The Batman Who Laughs, but the conceit is killer and I hope someone picks up on it one day.

46. Earth-52

A universe somewhere outside the local 52, a ‘remnant’ of sorts of the main DC universe circa 2011-2016 prior to cosmic revisions resulting in the current setup. A world where superheroes had emerged approximately 5 years earlier and home to lots of dudes in very dumb battle-armor, most fan-favorite stories from this era have been carried forward into the current history, and its unique version of Superman under Grant Morrison - a socialist crusader in a t-shirt and jeans who battled corrupt institutions and cosmic supervillainy in equal measure - was depicted as set loose from his world after 2016′s continuity changes as a defender of the multiverse. While a significant part of DC history both in-universe and publishing-wise, there wouldn’t seem to be all that much left here worth exploring.

45. Earth 2

A world where Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman alone represented the first wave of superheroes, they nobly fell in battle repelling an invasion of Earth by Darkseid. In time a new generation would emerge that were modernized, youthful iterations of the Justice Society of America, the superhero team predating the Justice League in DC’s publishing history. While the logline’s an interesting one and the successor to Superman Val-Zod debuted to some acclaim, for the most part this reinvention didn’t end up received well by either new or longtime fans, and a last-minute overhaul where this bunch was transplanted into a rebooted world without superheroes probably didn’t help. You still see them in crossovers and there are promising concepts, but this world seems basically dead.

44. Earth 50

When Lex Luthor ascended to the presidency and soon thereafter executed The Flash, Superman snapped, executed him, and took over the world alongside his allies as the Justice Lords, until they were ultimately overthrown by way of a parallel universe Justice League and a repentant Lord Batman. A Better World unequivocally rules, but given this is supposed to be those specific versions of the Lords rather than a new iteration, it’d be weird to see them up against any universe other than the DCAU. And, well...

43. Earth 12

The DCAU, currently world of Batman Beyond and a future Justice League. The DCAU, you may be aware, extremely rules, but is also somewhat redundant in this context - the ‘regular’ DCU already has all its core components without too much aesthetic differentiation, and there’s already frequently a Batman Beyond in the future of said universe. It has its unique attributes that make people love it, it’s cool that it’s here, but on the macro scale it’s too clean an adaptation to bring much to the table to crossovers and whatnot, and you’d never see any further stories told there otherwise as really being part of the DCU cosmic landscape so much as a comic tie-in to the TV show.

(Also it’s odd this is placed here with the Justice Lords Earth as if to go ‘it’s secretly been part of the 52 all along, you just never noticed when it only crossed over with the one other!’ when there were two other parallel universes in the DCAU.)

42. Earth 43

A nightmare world haunted by the once-heroic, now vampiric Blood League, the obvious potential would be for this world to function as DC’s equivalent to Marvel Zombies. Recently however DCeased has come to fill that position, and while this world in practice if not concept skews more closely towards that source material as the former heroes still have vestiges of their old personalities - in theory distinguishing it as its own spin worth keeping around - it’s hard to imagine most takes on ‘Justice League but monsters’ won’t come out under the DCeased banner for the foreseeable future.

41. Earth 40

A world of pulp villains made to oppose Earth 20, these guys are simple but a hoot.

40. Earth 35 aka the Pseudoverse

More analogues to analogues, this time of the Awesome Comics characters largely defined by Alan Moore in Supreme. This opens up the promising vista of ‘DC if it were designed by Alan Moore’, but in practice as demonstrated by his work with both DC and the analogues these mimic, that would just be...well, good DC comics, which you don’t need a whole extra universe for. The notion of this as a universe artificially created by Monitor ‘ideominers’ however both gives it a unique place in the multiverse, tackles its status as a pastiche in a unique way, and gets back to ideas of the power of imagination in both Supreme and Moore’s other works, so it’s likely there could be something to be done here.

39. Earth 11

A bit of a study in contradictions. This is seemingly a rather straightforward ‘gender swap’ Earth with Superwoman, Wonderous Man, and so forth. Also, its version of Star Sapphire implied it’s not subjected to constant crises in the same way as the main universe it mirrors, maintaining a greater degree of consistency in the process. At the same time however it’s mentioned that the Amazons rather than leaving Man’s World for Themyscira shared its technology and philosophy with the world, changing it forever, suggesting a far different world from what we’ve seen in glimpses here. Until it decides one way or another whether it’s a simple mirror to the regular DCU or a radically different take, it hovers in a state of uncertainty.

38. Earth-2 aka Earth Two

The original version of Earth-2, home to the DC Universe of the 1940s with aged versions of Superman and company and the original Justice Society of America. The first take on a DC universe that would progress in something resembling ‘real time’ rather than keeping the headliners as perpetual twenty-to-thirty-somethings, this was also the birthplace of heroes such as Power Girl and Huntress. I’m of the perhaps controversial opinion that this is a concept that was explored better in later takes: there’s a sense here that the largely forgotten follow-up generation eventually introduced, with the exception of the two heroes mentioned above, will never really matter in the same way as their still fully-active predecessors in spite of ostensibly taking over the family business, meaning you never quite actually get what you want here, which is to see a DC where things meaningfully change and move on - well into his middle age and his mentor’s death long behind him, Dick Grayson is still Robin. Add in the odd, ignominious demise of the original Batman and its Superman’s odd eventual fate - which slide from bizarre to intolerable if you accept the frequent implication that these are meant to be the original versions of them from the 1930s - and I can’t help but think the enjoyable high concept was never realized as well as it could be here.

37. Earth 4

The Earth of the characters of Charlton Comics who would go on to inspire Watchmen, this initially seemed like one of the most promising worlds after its debut in Pax Americana drew perhaps the most pronounced critical acclaim of any single issue in the past decade as the site for creators with something to say to work with Watchmen without actually touching that property. Now, however, Watchmen itself is in the mix: most wouldn’t reasonably go here while the material they’re truly referencing is now freely available (especially those simply wanting to draw fan attention by visibly playing with those toys, the way Earth 4 sidestepped) even though that world itself is now massively compromised past the original text, and with the ‘Watchmen Earth’ no longer an option and the characters themselves - if cleaned-up, more mainstream versions of them - existing in the DCU proper, this world’s role seems to have been largely stripped from it. I have to imagine there’s still potential here for those with the talent and commitment though.

36. Earth 44

A world where in the absence of natural superhuman beings, Doc Tornado created a Metal League of robot superheroes to protect the Earth. A promising concept definitely worth a few stories.

35. Earth 15

Once a perfect universe destroyed in a rampage by another Earth’s Superman, it was artificially reborn through the will of Countess Belzebeth - a cosmic vampire - as a copy of the Prime universe with the Green Lantern Corps replaced by Belzebeth’s despotic Blackstars, the uncertain and bitter heroes of this universe warped through the lens of Belzebeth’s perceptions of them had no chance against her forces. While its inhabitants are a bit samey what with all life having been subsumed into the diamond will of Blackstar Controller Mu, the idea of a conceptually weakened DCU being turned into an army against the rest of the multiverse makes for a terrific threat, and the prophecy of the ‘Cosmic Grail’ (a Green Lantern power battery lost somewhere in the multiverse) and that the First Lantern of the multiverse Volthoom hail from its original incarnation lend it some extra mythological weight.

34. Earth 32

A mashup world hosting the likes of the Justice Titans, Young Justice International, and the Doom Society. A world that’s home to Aquaflash will probably never have an ongoing all its own, but plenty of stories, miniseries, and even a brief line of comics have been based on mashup characters before, so there’s plenty of proof of concept for this being able to endure.

33. Earth 23

An Earth where Batman (naturally) is the only white guy on the Justice League, and Superman is not only President of the United States in his secret identity as Calvin Ellis, but the leader of the multiverse-spanning superteam Justice Incarnate. It reads like Morrison trying to do his idealized take on an ‘Ultimate DC’, a more diverse and politically engaged superhero landscape that doesn’t scale down its big ideas in turn, and if I were ranking it at the time it was introduced it would go much higher. The problem is that its version of Superman is modeled after Barack Obama, and that guy isn’t President anymore (and for that matter his legacy seems to grow more complicated by the year). As a result the vibe goes from triumphant to wistful mourning if not outright bitterly ironic, and that’s a needle that would have to be threaded before doing any substantial work here.

(Also, since several Justice Leaguers here rather than being made black are replaced with various black counterparts they’ve had over the years, that means Wonder Woman here is the 70s Amazon Nubia. And, uh, that name is something that would have to be...something.)

32. Earth 19

Steampunk superheroics; superhero period pieces are usually fun, and this is built on a foundation of pretty Mike Mignola art (though confession that I’ve never read Gotham By Gaslight), so sure, this one has potential.

31. Earth 18

Same as above but cowboys instead. This gets extra credit because cowboys mesh better with superhero conventions, and the additional twist of this world being frozen in history by the Time Trapper, forcing them to approximate modern technology with 19th century resources.

30. Earth 31

A post-apocalyptic waterworld where humanity is protected by Captain Leatherwing and assorted other pirate superheroes. Another ‘superheroes but in another genre’ setup, the post-apocalyptic, environmental twist makes it unfortunately more relevant than its peers, though I don’t think it’s quite the best end of the world as we know it on the list.

29. Earth 42

Home to the adorable, innocent world of the chibified Little League...secretly robots unwittingly enacting an endless stage play for the malevolent being known as the Empty Hand, running scenarios of his devising in preparation for a coming war with the rest of the multiverse. It’s a neat little multipurpose world, able to be played both as amusing contrast, or as parody whether light-hearted or cynical, in their endless ‘playtime’.

28. Earth 7

Formerly home to counterparts of the heroes of Earth 8, it was shattered by the Empty Hand’s forces and its desiccated cities made his throne, the zombie hordes that were once its champions his armies. The ‘Ultimate Marvel’ to Earth 8′s Marvel proper (and now Marvel Zombies), the idea of the broken remains of the cool version of the cool superhero universe as the lair of the ultimate evil has a certain appeal.

27. Earth 52

The last of the Earth 52s on this list, this newly added 53rd core Earth is home to Frank Miller’s Dark Knight books. Much as the reception to it over the years has become...mixed, at best (for my money Dark Knight III is the only one that’s not at least bad in a very interesting way, and even it still has its moments), the surprised generally positive reception to the most recent entry in Dark Knight Returns: The Golden Child suggests there’s still life in this oddball corner of the cosmos yet.

(Fun fact: this was Earth 31 in a previous version of the multiverse, and Morrison intended it to be included as such in Multiversity - hence why Earth 31 is made up of inky scratches on the Map - but Miller requested he not since he wanted to keep his domain separate from DC’s ongoing storylines. Instead he agreed later to Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s use of it in Dark Nights: Metal as DKR is famously Snyder’s favorite comic, bringing it in as Earth 52.)

26. Earth 47 aka Dreamworld

Where the Love Syndicate of Dreamworld dwells, baby: all is groovy. It’s incredibly specific in both era and theme, but a psychedelic universe with heroes to match invites tons of possibilities.

25. Earth 10 aka Earth X

It’s the Nazi Earth that sucks. It has superheroes who unnervingly are about as well-intentioned and effective as the standard set in the New Reischman, opposed by the few remaining dregs of the Freedom Fighters led by Uncle Sam; only their Kal-L, Overman, once Hitler’s weapon, truly understands the scope of the atrocities that led to their ‘utopia’, having grown a conscience too late and ever-aware that no feat in the present can ever redeem the oceans of blood on his hands. You can do horrifying introspective stuff with them as in their Multiversity chapter, you can tell Freedom Fighters stories like the recent miniseries, or you can just have the Justice League show up to fight the Nazi Justice League. A Nazi world is a standard one in multiverse stories for a reason, you don’t get easier targets.

24. Earth 5G

The DC universe that’s...sort of here and sort of not. Doomsday Clock and other upcoming stories appear to be shifting us over to this, but in most of DC’s line of titles the leap hasn’t taken place yet. As we haven’t seen the bench of successor heroes apparently primed to take over only so much can be judged, but the vast changes suggested by the new ‘official timeline’ that’s been leaked suggest a bizarre attempt at incorporating as many of their editorially-favored biggest hits as possible into a bizarre selective mishmash, without particularly serving the status quos any of the constituent characters said history is meant to bolster (with the exception of Wonder Woman, now framed as the first superhero, which would at least be interesting and a deserved bolster to her profile if there were any particular impression her new standing would be meaningfully followed-through on), while also not only reinstating the mutually destructive retcon of the JSA as preceding Superman, but taking the absurd extra step of actively presenting them as his inspiration. Of course we haven’t seen it in practice yet, and at the end of the day good stories will surely still be told here, but the foundations here are about as shaky as they’ve ever been for the ‘core’ DCU as a wholehearted capitulation to placing dotting all the i’s and crossing all the t’s over the actual narrative logistics of making a shared universe function smoothly.

23. Earth Negative Zero aka Betwixt

A world where those whose senses of self entire disintegrate fade away to seeking to feed on those still well-defined, this bears similarities to the realm of Limbo where ignored superheroes reside, but with just enough conceptual differences and a hellish, malleable twist that makes it the best thing anyone’s come up with to date to do with the Dark Multiverse.

22. Earth 48 aka Warworld

While its iconography is rooted of all things in castoff characters from Crisis On Infinite Earths and no-hopers from Countdown To Final Crisis, the actual conceit here of a world where literally everyone and everything is a superhero that operates by superhero rules, a world built by the New Gods as defenders of reality, is wide-open and tantalizing.

21. Earth 38

Another major shot at a DCU that aged in real time, this version has its own idiosyncrasies but far more of a sense of forward momentum and meaningful change, with the original Superman and Batman still leading the pack one way or another but successors to both them and the rest of the heroes truly stepping up. Also the predominant hero of the 21st century is Knightwing, the grandson of both Superman and Batman who has only partial Superman powers but also Batman training, which is just really cool.

20. Earth 3

The good ‘ol classic evil mirror universe, where strength is the only law, the forces of evil always win in the end no matter how bright the day may become, and thus the Crime Syndicate operates as it pleases. It’s never quite as interesting as you want it to be - its villains are largely one-note - but its warped societal and cosmic rules, and that each character has a handful of twists on the mythology of their counterparts rather than being an exact (if morally inverted) duplicate, means it could easily one day come to live up to its obvious potential in the right hands.

19. Earth 21

Here, most superheroes were forced into retirement after World War II by McCarthyist paranoia, but at the dawn of the 1960s the few remaining and a new generation are emboldened to step back into the light, spearheaded by the Justice League of America. DC: The New Frontier is a modern classic, with a direct standalone follow-up virtually out of the question; as it doesn’t quite lead into the world of the actual 1960s DC Comics either, its sole function in its capacity as a world in the multiverse is as a 60s ‘period piece’ Earth. Given that’s where most of the architecture of DC as we now know it was built however, that’s hardly a problem.

18. Earth 26 aka Earth C

Funny animals are fun, and in a superhero universe that means you get superhero funny animals, courtesy of Captain Carrot and his amazing Zoo Crew. What’s not to love?

17. Earth 22

While time has somewhat dimmed the acclaim that originally surrounded it, Kingdom Come and its tale of a Superman coming out of retirement alongside his allies to try and reign in an out-of-control new generation remains a landmark moment in the genre, and in many aspects still holds up. Unlike many stories of its stature this world has always played nice with the mainline universe in terms of guest appearances and crossovers, including works by the original creators Mark Waid and Alex Ross, and as the most iconic and conceptually expansive work to date set in a DC universe that has joined in the march of time, that makes it a prominent and useful one to have around.

16. The Antimatter Universe of Qward aka The Reversoverse aka the Anti-Verse

The original dark flipside of DC reality, this has occasionally also played home to the Crime Syndicate - and their best stories by far, to boot - but mainly serves as a home base to the Weaponeers of Qward and occasionally Sinestro. While largely unexplored it has a massively central place in DC’s cosmology and the birth of the multiverse, the glimpses of a society of pure evil in early Silver Age Green Lantern and JLA: Earth 2 are far more fun and interesting than anything seen in Earth 3′s history, it’s about to get even more room under Morrison to find definition, and as the ultimate mysterious Forbidden Realm of the DCU the possibilities could be essentially endless in the right hands.

15. Earth-1985 aka Earth One

The DC universe of 1956-1986, and the dragon an entire generation of creators have spent their livelihoods chasing as the ‘classic’ iteration, as evidenced by one of them flat-out confirming it still exists somewhere out there. While that makes it frequently redundant when the main DCU is trying hard to mimic its feel - a few divergent notes such as Maggin’s idiosyncratic take on latter-day Superman and its version of Jason Todd aside - the prospect of a DCU that remained in that mold forever to a greater or lesser extent even if time may have moved forward could, in principle, free the main universe to go off in wildly different directions, knowing this image of DC always exists in its own space to return to when so desired rather than actively turning the current status quo to face backwards.

14. Earth 17

The Atomic Knights of Justice quest across the radioactive landscape of Novamerika in a world decimated by nuclear was in 1963 in search of Earth 15′s Cosmic Grail, their only hope against the coming of Darkseid. A mashup of the Justice League with the protagonists of one of the most fascinatingly bizarre comics of DC’s Silver Age in the Atomic Knights, a mythic quest, and most relevantly “What if Fallout had superheroes?” leaves this feeling like it’s just waiting for its moment to shine.

13. Earth 8 aka Angor

Known across the rest of the multiverse as the protagonists of the Major movies and comics (as opposed to the sub-imprint Essential Major reflecting Earth 7), in actuality the non-actionable champions of Angor - the Retaltiators, the G-Men, the Future Family, and The Bug, among others - are as real as any other superheroes, and while they struggle under the weight of both mistrust by the general public and frequent in-fighting, they’ve thus far protected their world from threats global, universal, and multiversal alike. The Big Two having stand-ins for each other is a longstanding tradition for good reasons: it not only allows for crossovers where the legal stars don’t align (and adds an extra fun shock of recognition whenever the reader realizes what’s happening), but provides each of them an ongoing version of those archetypes to play with within the confines of their own narrative, whether as contrasts or bending them to fit the tone of a very different shared universe than they were originally created for.

12. Earth 16 aka #earthme

The world where every sidekick, super-son, successor, and short-lived ‘new generation - of HERO!’ at last seize their moment in the sun...in a world already saved by their predecessors, with little left to do but lap up lives of super-celebrity and wish for one, just one little alien invasion or immortal tyrant to justify their existences for them. The best of DC’s futuristic/what-if-time-mattered alternate Earths in my opinion, taking to its logical conclusion the notion as stated by Morrison in interviews that as the Justice League will stick around as long as there are evils that need fighting, the ever-present promise of the torch being passed could only ever truly, permanently take place in a world where the job was already redundant. Playing as it does with in-universe history, real-life publishing realities, celebrity culture, generational divides, and the question of what being a superhero even means sans the usual confrontational justifications, it’s by its nature only going to become more expansive and interesting a commentary as time goes by and the regular DCU goes through its cycles of reboots, rebirths, and returns to form.

11. Pocket Universe 54471

Exactly what you see: Superman made a little pocket universe a half mile wide to go fishing in and he was gonna take Bruce and Dick there for the former’s bachelor party, and he knows about and/or created at least 54470 others. It’s absolutely delightful not only in its own right, but as an opening of the door to what the multiverse can mean in DC comics as a sci-fi idea generator beyond riffs on existing properties, while still being presented with a distinctly DC sense of playfulness.

10. Earth 45 aka Earth 45™

The origin of one of the best Superman villains of all time in Superdoomsday - the Superman idea in a world without him brought to life but twisted by committee into a murderous living brand - a horrifying corporatocracy standing for all Superman and company are meant to stand against, and an enduring threat with the world still in shackles and those in power still able to dream to life whatever vision they please of absolute power to be wielded in their name.

9. Earth 36 aka Terra

Justice 9, the defenders of Terra - or I suppose Justice 7 now after the losses of Optiman and Red Racer, though how long does that matter in a superhero universe? - is the most interesting of the direct analogue groups for my money. Technically speaking they’re another twice-removed set like 34 and 35, standing in for the heroes of Big Bang Comics, but given my understanding is that there’s no major “Like the DC heroes, BUT” twist in that book the way Astro City and Supreme have other than a retro ‘good old days’ bent (which definitely isn’t the case here with at least two queer members), Justice 9 basically function as direct analogues for the Justice League...in the same comics as the Justice League. To me, that’s actually fascinating: one of the most useful elements of stand-in characters like this is the ability to tap into the iconic power of archetypes without the familiarity surrounding the actual figures, in the way Planetary for instance uses just enough distance from the source material to make a couple dozen decades-old pop culture touchstones feel completely new, and this implements that approach to the material to the DC characters with heroes who can actually themselves team up with DC proper. As many approaches as could be taken with that though, that potential alone probably wouldn’t be enough to shoot it this high up the list if not for a major additional factor: in the same way that in the old-school DC universe the heroes of Earth-1 had comics reflecting the adventures of the heroes of Earth-2 long before learning they were real in another universe, DC Comics are published on Earth 36. Aside from the neat trick of putting our leads in the same position as the Golden Age heroes, it means Justice 9 grew up with the Justice League as their heroes in the same way as us the audience before becoming heroes themselves, and then they grew up to learn they were real. These folks absolutely deserve to become multiverse standbys.

8. Earth 51

The Earth where all Jack Kirby’s ideas live as a single cohesive world and adventure. No further justification is needed.

7. Earth 13

A world of occult danger where DC’s traditionally superheroic magical figures such as Zatanna and Deadman are given the full Vertigo horror treatment, while the more intimidating and morally dubious figures such as Etrigan and John Constantine get logos and codenames. Not only an expansion but an offputting inversion of one of DC’s most acclaimed corners, this oddball bunch could bounce off of the capes and tights crowd as easily as your Shadowpacts and Justice League Darks, in ways no other team from any corner of the multiverse could.

6. Earth 20

Pulp champions of a 21st century that remains aesthetically moored in the early 20th, of the handful of Earths converting DC standbys into different genre territory in the local 52 the homeworld of the Society of Superheroes hits hardest, given the role the likes of Doc Savage and The Shadow played in that time shaping the conventions of superheroes as we know them. Add the wealth of concepts presented in their oneshot and the decision to hew away from the traditional Justice League riffs of parallel Earths, and of all the truly new worlds introduced in Multiversity, Earth 20 is the one that most feels like it could support an ongoing all its own.

5. Earth 29 aka Htrae

You gotta have Bizarro World. You just gotta.

4. Earth 33 aka Earth Prime

The in-universe representation of our very own pale blue dot. Whether it’s the birthplace of Superboy Prime where assorted DC creators had to deal with a visiting Flash and Superman throughout the 60s and 70s, meta games with the various incarnations of Ultra/Ultraa, a looming threat yet also victim in need of rescue through the eyes of Justice Incarnate, or the unwitting home of the ‘Superman’ or ‘Batman’ of Kurt Busiek’s off-center takes on the characters in Secret Identity and Creature of the Night, over the years DC has shown a decent amount of restraint in not going back to this particular well too often unless someone has a really clever tale to tell, and as a result it has maybe the single best batting average of all the ‘parallel Earths’ that have been regularly returned to by DC over the years. Give yourselves a hand, folks!

3. Earth 5 aka Thunderworld

Home not to ‘Shazam’, but Captain Marvel and the Marvel Family in all their glory, a technicolor world playing by the rules set down by Otto Binder and company where a superhero can literally battle planets and the most dangerous villain of all may be a very, very mean worm with glasses, a place of dream logic and childish innocence even by the standards of superhero comics. Captain Marvel at his best is one of DC’s most iconically potent players yet many seem to agree that much of his woes in recent years have come down to trying to find a unique space for him in the DCU proper. While I don’t know that it’s at all impossible to make that work, it’s certainly true that Marvel as he was originally presented doesn’t quite make sense in that world, whereas back in his own he keeps a flavor entirely unique to himself and his partners, whether for solo adventures or teamups with the heroes of the other worlds, playing it straight or examining some of the unsettling implications established by Thunderworld or finding a new way to make it work. Much like Bizarro World, it’s simply a locale the place doesn’t quite feel whole without.

2. Earth 25 (?)

While I’m a bit dubious on it definitely being Earth 25 in the core 52 based on interpretation of an offhanded line from Mr. Terrific (it has a multiverse all its own!), the fact of the matter is that America’s Best Comics came roaring out of the gate as proof of its own title, and basically didn’t stop until it ended. A couple after-the-fact Tom Strong miniseries (containing perhaps the most singularly cowardly hack move in the history of shared universe comics in undoing the end of Promethea) can’t detract from the core ABC lineup being made up of some of the most singularly clever, gorgeous, and heartfelt superhero titles to hit the stands, pretty much the platonic ideal of what you want books like these to look like. If this universe can hang around in any capacity at all until someone god willing picks them up again in a big way, it’s a win in my book.

1. Earth 0 aka Prime Earth

The extant version of the main DCU for at least a little longer, it really does feel like more than just about any version before it - at least for my money - they finally got all their ducks in a row, albeit right before blowing everything to hell. Most of the stories you really want to still have some sort of weight for the major characters are still in play to be built on, and most of the stories that clearly needed to be dropped are dropped. The cosmology’s fleshed out and expanding, the big names mostly work as they should ideally work while still heading into new territory, the JSA is mysteriously somehow around in the past without interfering with the primacy of Superman and the Justice League as the first known superheroes (a mystery that will never be resolved now due to the current reboot; damn shame) and the Legion of Superheroes have a new coat of paint, and there’s room for stories cosmically massive and intimately personal and utterly bizarre throughout the line rather than there being a single overriding idea of what these books should be. It may not be the perfect DC Universe by any means, but it’s a real, real damn good one, and of course without that thing, none of the rest of these universes would have been there in the first place.

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

So we've seen snippets of what a post-escape of your "BATIM x Undertale/Deltarune" AU looks like, but what about a regular BATIM Post-escape?

It’s late and my brain is mush rn, so I’ll just go through the cast’s fates. Formwise (with a few exceptions), they’re pretty similar to the ATDT AU, but due to the different time period, different methods of getting out, and a different journey, a lot of them are in a different place.

Everybody (sans Joey and Sammy) - Group therapy, the searchers and lost ones take over an abandoned ghost town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and Thomas and Allison get to work on various projects. You know how in the 50s food was fucking insane? The Ink creatures had nothing but bacon soup for decades and now they’re going buck wild with food tenfold and ignore any and all culinary rules and the concept of form. It’s chaos. Edible, disgusting chaos. The Ink Demon teams up with willing artists to design On Model Forms and or Updated Models for anyone and everyone who requests them. It’s not super popular at the moment, but in a few dozen decades or so the town of ink abominations turns into a town of living cartoons.

Henry - Happily reunited with his loving wife who thankfully doesn’t question why he no longer has pupils or irises or why his eyes glow bright yellow and instead is just relieved he came home in one piece as she was starting to get worried that Joey had killed him and stuffed his body into some weird magic thing. (She was not amused to find out she was right, but is glad he’s back home.)

 Linda - Happily reunited with her loving husband who brought home a teenage cartoon werewolf son and a teenage demon son who cries when shown affection. (He’s still getting used to receiving it.) The whole ink monster thing is pretty weird and kinda sad after learning the history, but being there for it and helping them out makes retirement a hell of a lot more interesting.

Inkwell “Inky” “The Ink Demon” - Loves his new on-model form and that he no longer has to live as a Bendy, off model or otherwise. He also loves genuinely being part of a loving family but he still has issues regarding how Joey and Thomas treated him so he’s still on guard and does occasionally lash out. He also feels guilty about how he himself treated the other poor souls in the studio, especially his former prophet as he can’t even apologise to him face to face as he has no way to get in contact with the musician. He honestly tries to make people happy with their new designs but he is really bad at figuring out a balance between designs that his clients want as well as fits their themes and story arcs and it doesn’t help that most of their requests are: “just fix me already.”

Buddy - has a lot of mixed feelings about the new situation. He actually enjoys living with Henry as it’s pretty familiar to him and does like Linda, but even though he can see that the Ink Demon is trying to be a better person and trying to fix what he’s done as best as he can, well, you can’t exactly undo years of being hunted down for sport in a single week and it doesn’t help that the demon’s design looks like a saturday morning cartoon villain, implying he still fully intends to be evil.

Sammy (Studio’s perspective) - The former employees have no idea where he is, what he’s doing, or how he is. Inky has tried to see where he is through his mask but the only thing he managed to see was the mask’s perspective of getting burnt to a crisp. The only reason why they know he made it out of the studio at all is because the former composer sent them exactly two letters. However, a lot of people think that one of them was either a fake letter or a venting letter that was never meant to be read as the two letters were sent at the exact same time and they have very wildly differing tones.

Joey - This, but with The Ink instead of voodoo magic.

And then after a while, he’s spat out of the well as a swollen searcher, the creature at the very bottom of the studio’s pecking order and thus the biggest jab to his pride and power he had ever endured. The only person who could kinda-sorta want to reach out to him at this point would be Inky, but Joey’s stubbornness prevents him from asking his ‘son’ for help. (Which honestly is good for the entire studio, as well as the poor demon...)

Thomas - Tom doesn’t like the fact he’s still a wolf, but they can’t exactly give him a humanish design when nobody remembers what he looks like, all written descriptions of him were destroyed, and there’s no pictures of him in the studio. But he’s happy that he can speak and he’s not a Boris anymore. Most of his current projects are currently SCP Foundation-esc reports, studies, and a list of treatments to help other ink creatures cope with their situation.

Allison - She and Thomas took Sammy’s 414 page, source-cited “This is why you suck” speech/powerpoint to heart (before he disappeared) and try to help Lost-Search Town as much as she can and as often as she can. But as a fair amount of the people there blame her, Thomas and Joey for the fact that they’re either inky abominations or cartoons and others just go along with the crowd, they’re not too keen on trusting them or even letting them near their little town. So she spends most of her time trying to help them in a search party dedicated to trying to find Sammy and bring him back in an attempt to win over their trust. (Even though both letters had strongly emphasized against doing this.)

Wally - Got a job as a radio host and his station is pretty popular due to his personality, his impressive ‘voice impersonation skills’, and the stories he tells. Over the radio, nobody knows that you have a tape recorder for a head. Although, during late night shifts, he does receive some pretty strange calls from listeners...

Susie - Due to some acute Angelophobia (not to be confused with Anglophobia) that she got from her experiences in the studio and a very unfortunate choice made in her design, she joins Grant in the “I freak out every time I see myself in the mirror” club. She’s hesitant about trying for a new model due to the fact both she and Malice fear the Ink Demon. But on the bright side, she writes some really fucking good horror novels.

Malice Angel - In spite of how poorly Malice treated Susie, the voice actress couldn’t bear to let the twisted version of Alice get destroyed altogether (she felt pity for the creature when she saw that she became a searcher without her. And besides, Alice was a part of her after all) so while she has been saved, she has also been demoted from main villainess to an Alice Angel lookalike shoulder demoness.

Jack - He’s doing pretty well, It’s not fun being a giant cartoon rat but it’s a lot more quiet and peaceful than being a swollen searcher. He and the rest of the music department tend to (metaphorically) stick together a lot because some of them kinda miss the hivemind in that “There is a fuck ton of change going on and even though it’s good change it’s still too many changes to process” way. He was thinking about getting his model sheet updated to a more human design, but sadly can’t find any pictures of himself to use for reference. Inky suggested an alligator design but Jack also doesn’t like that idea. 

Emma - Opened up her own dance studio in the town. It gives the townsfolk something fun to do and it’s pretty popular. She had never felt more proud of herself.

Norman - Now that he has his mind back, getting an updated model sheet felt kinda redundant to him. I mean, what will change aside from his art style? But do you know what he did do?

Change his fashion sense, this man has seen nothing but black and shades of yellows for god knows how long and he’s gonna wear all of the tackiest, ugliest, brightly colored button up shirts that he can find.

Bertrum - Is disappointed he ever got to beat Joey Drew to a bloody pulp with his mechanical limbs but happily goes back to working on and maintaining his existing parks. (He wishes that people would ignore the fact he’s a ten foot tall archangel animatronic, but beggars can’t be choosers.)

Lacie - Not a fan of being stuck inside the Bendy animatronic, but likes being able to move again. She’s willing to put up with being stuck in the machine because the alternative is the Ink Demon’s art shit and she can’t trust that noodily bitch as far as she could throw him.

Shawn - Local man won’t stop making toy-related puns, groaning onlookers wish he would fucking stop. In all seriousness, he’s doing a lot better than he was when he was stuck in that studio and while there are a few moments where he thinks “maybe approving the ‘human sized rag doll’ design wasn’t my best idea” but there’s pros and cons with every decision made.

Grant - Unfortunately wasn’t conscious enough to give any input on his form. He was arachnophobic before the studio shit went down and developed a fear of time during it. His design was a cartoon humanoid spider with a time motif. He got a service dog, a profuse amount of apologies from Inky, and in a few weeks when Grant stabilized enough to safely allow an updated model sheet, he gets a new design that looked more like a run-of-the-mill rubberhose skeleton in a suit. He practically cried with happiness when he saw his new reflection.

[retrauxpunk]

silicon valley grand finale recap: 6.07

everything under the cut, complete with spoilers :)

okay alec berg

okay

okay

you won me over as i suspected and hoped and wanted you to but i dared not hope too much because of what a clusterfuck 6.06 was in my opinion

i had low expectations as a defence mechanism

but i’ve just watched this magnificent 45-minute farewell behemoth of an episode and you know what? FINE. 

FINE

IT WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD and it’s good enough that i’m now slightly less mad about 6.06 because you know what OKAY the dumbass rushed-execution plotline about the AI — yeah okay now that the finale’s out, OKAY, YES, it was WORTH the russfest deus ex machina fucker to get THIS. 

a really good finale that i’m. HAPPY WITH.

i FELT THE EMOTIONS when i was meant to feel them! it resonated! it was brilliant!

oh man

i don’t know if i have too much to say because i’m just quite happy with it and now that the whole thing’s over, i no longer have the suspense? but okay let’s see

so firstly i woke up to a DM from some fucker (someone i’d intermittently chatted SV with on instagram after they reached out to me; someone who, prior to this, i would not have called a fucker) and all i saw were the notifications reading something like ‘have you seen the episode’ and ‘heartbreaking’ and i swear to god i was fucking livid because, like, i recognise that that’s not a spoiler DETAIL about PLOT per se but i’m one of those freaks who, when i really like something, i don’t want to know fucking ANYTHING! including the emotional reaction anyone has to it because then!! then!!!! i fucking start thinking about what happened! it’s giving me some kind of information that i previously did not have and which i did not want to have because i DO NOT WANT my experience coloured by other people’s reviews! because they give away SOMETHING

(if you were doubting the veracity of me relating to richard the most out of the characters. behold this petty rage and tell me i’m wrong)

(also i KNOW it could’ve just been saying ‘the show’s over now and that’s heartbreaking’ but the point is I DON’T KNOW THAT RIGHT because you only get a truncated view in notifications and it’s not like i’m gonna open the fucking chat to CHECK if it’s ACTUALLY A SPOILER at the risk of viewing S P O I L E R S)

(they don’t call me the richard hendricks bitch for nothing, that moniker has a new dimension now)

yeah so i blocked this guy (and then sent him a technically polite and civil but otherwise really fucking pissy DM in response after i’d watched the episode) and then went about my day

i had a good day, which was good. gotta be in the right mood to consume the final installment of my favourite tv show ever.

i started watching.

documentary, huh? this is. INTERESTING.

and it becomes clear that something’s fucked up. even without instagram fucker’s comment, it is clear. given the fact that richard looks like a lonely soul in a retirement home at the beginning of the documentary, with all the colours/backdrop and the weighty comments of how ‘everything was fine’

and then there’s the party ... hurray ... richard in the cake! love it. sometime do some fic/art of richard popping out of a cake in a jarrich context lol

monica’s gift of the text messages! that’s really sweet and i loved it.

THE DOT. HOLY SHIT RICHARD YOU EAGLE-EYED MOTHER FUCKER

also u fuckin nerd with the ellipsis comment........... tbh i get it, i appreciate that joke

(oh jared. dutifully laughing at all his jokes. LITERALLY LIKE HOW SOMEONE WITH A CRUSH LAUGHS AT ALL THEIR CRUSH’S DUMBASS JOKES HHHHHHH)

I really enjoyed when jared mansplained and got bitten by monica lmao i just ............ i’m not fully able to articulate why i liked it but i REALLY ENJOYED IT hahah

GILFOYLE!! appearing with the lock the doors comment and cliff bars and a gun ...... oh boy i love him ;_;

i enjoy that they explicitly(ish) mention that gilfoyle’s an alcoholic lmao

also, dinfoyle shippers, gilfoyle passing out in the men’s room after a rendezvous with dinesh? huh? huh? -aggressively nudges and winks-

...anyway

i love that it’s the combination of richard’s obsessive meticulousness and gilfoyle’s hardcore work ethic and security-mindedness that reveal this fatal flaw with pied piper. it’s a nice collaboration of sorts and it speaks kind of to each person’s greatest strengths (diligence, thoroughness) (i mean we know richard’s other greatest strength is the talent of his coding and gilfoyle’s other greatest strength is also his brilliance and also his being smoking hot but y’know i didn’t say greatest strength at the exclusion of others...)

OH MAN

YES GILFOYLE you have a strong moral compass and want to kill the monster!

laurie being in prison .......................for no clearly defined reason.....and her hair’s still perfect..... yeah i’m here for it. also she does strike me as someone who’d do pretty much fine in prison lmao 

i liked richard and jared’s rooftop conversation. i ..... i was annoyed with jared mentioning gwart because THAT WHOLE THING WITH GWART AND JARED LEAVING AND THEN COMING BACK AND THE I MISS YOU AND WHATEVER I DON’T CARE WHILE LITERALLY CRYING AND ALL OF THAT STILL FEELS LIKE AN ARC THEY STRAIGHT UP FORGOT TO CONTINUE/RESOLVE AND I’M STILL FUCKING MAD but aside from that i liked the conversation.

this whole series has been instance after instance of richard’s idealism and moral compass seeming to thwart his success because he refuses to do shitty things and instead chooses the harder but ultimately morally good path, and it’s ...... i love that this culminates in him making one of the most difficult/painful idealistic choices of all: let his dream of six years come to fruition and possibly (rather than certainly, at this point) ruin the whole fucking world, or kill his dream and really truly make the world a better place by SAVING THE FUCKIGN WORLD?

UGH YES *chef’s kiss*

love that jared’s agreeing with him/supporting him the whole time and you can fucking SEE richard calming down from his initial rage and seeing that, oh, okay, no, he has no choice, he Must kill the beast he has created...

and at that point screaming FUCK from the rooftop seems like a pretty sane response

love the cut to him in his i-mean-business blue hoodie (was it his blue hoodie? i can’t remember but i feel like it was?) being like ‘gilfoyle’s right’ lol

THE THING WITH DINESH’S CAR AND CRACKING TESLA’S ENCRYPTION

this was cool enough that i did not care about technological feasibility, Rule of Cool achieved

and dinesh’s speech about how he couldn’t be trusted! oh boy

like jared said, it was a magnificently courageous moment of cowardice. LOVE. IT.

(also i couldn’t help thinking, lol was this done as a response to kumail nanjiani’s schedule clashing with the others so they had to have all his scenes separate rom the rest of the cast? i mean either way they executed it stunningly)

oh BOY THE THING WITH GABE AND JOHN STAFFORD!!! and you know if gilfoyle had been friends with john stafford then maybe john would’ve fucking called gilfoyle and checked before fixing this shit!!

is this what they intended? i’m not sure. but it sure makes the gilfoyle chess subplot seem a lot less frustrating than the other going-nowhere-but-comedic-relief subplots that were in themselves fine but made me mad when i saw how rushed 6.6 was

gabe lmao

fuckin gabe

BUT GOOD ON GABE FOR LETTING DINESH KNOW JUST IN CASE!! THANK YOU GABE!!!

and OH BOY DINESH! YOU CAME THROUGH! YOU HAVE A GOOD CORE AFTER ALL! YOU COULD’VE DONE NOTHING AND BECOME RICH BUT YOU CLIMBED A SKYSCRAPER’S WORTH OF STAIRS AND SAVED THE FUCKING WORLD!

lmao i loved kumail nanjiani’s horrible wheezing as he opens the door and then despairs and then wheezes his way up the surprise additional stairs, i actually started laughing in my seat. brilliant physical comedy.

also loved gilfoyle’s ‘are you jacking off’ ‘did you do one push-up’ jibes lmao

brill

YES DINESH SAVED THE DAY!

AND GILFOYLE SAVED THE DAY! WHEN RICHARD (not entirely unreasonably) FUCKING FROZE AND GILFOYLE MADE AN EXECUTIVE DECISION AND TRUSTED DINESH AND IT PAID OFF! YESSSSS

oh and speaking of trusting dinesh. richard being like ‘dinesh you fucked us’ and then apologising and dinesh being all ‘you’re good, i’d think i fucked us too’ AHHH *chef’s kiss*

THE RATS? LMAO THE RATS? verging on maybe too ridiculous but I THINK I LIKED IT.

oh boy

CONAN

BILL GATES LOL

KARA SWISHER

PRESUMABLY MANY OTHER BRILLIANT GUEST STARS I MISSED

YES

oh man that convo on the roof! the only issue i had with that was jared being relegated to the seats behind them WHY ! WHY WAS THAT!! 

ok i’m gonna headcanon it as like, they were gonna make room for him but he was like ‘OH NO NEVER MIND I’LL SIT BEHIND YOU, I LIKE BEING ABLE TO WATCH OVER YOU ALL’ ok there i fixed it. it’s plausible and i fixed it.

gilfoyle drinking entire bottles of tres commas? man he’s so hot and alcohol-soaked i’m astonished he hasn’t spontaneously combusted yet

THEY SAVED THE WORLD ;___;

MY BABIES SAVED THE WORLD

oh and now the present day................ (of the episode) ......

gavin as a trashy romance novelist and denpak as his long-suffering ghostwriter/collaborator? LOVE IT LMAO yeah sure why not!! and that scene when they’re arguing but then have this breakthrough about their novel in progress? AMAZING HAHAHAH i hope they’re happy together

RICHARD IS THE GAVIN BELSON PROFESSOR OF ETHICS WHAT THE FUCK 

I MEAN OKAY FIRSTLY he is well-qualified to be an ethics in tech professor given his experience

BUT DOES IT NOT KILL HIM TO HAVE GAVIN BELSON IN HIS TITLE LMAO

maybe gavin made a hefty donation to stanford and bighead gave enough of that to richard that richard doesn’t mind

maybe at this point richard’s developed a good enough sense of humour to tolerate it because if he didn’t, he’d go fucking insane

he said he was happy .................... was he? i’ve no fucking idea tbh. what do you guys think? richard’s happy with a high-paying non-stressful job, or richard’s sad and despairing? ......i’m gonna go with the former. maybe wistful. maybe he’ll start another company one day. idek.

god when he said his best friend gave him a job ... for a second i thought it was jared. but oh well. OH WELL. OH WELLLLL.

LOVE that big head is president of stanford and it’s not addressed AT ALL how that happened and you know what? we had enough of him failing upward that we don’t need an explanation! this seems totally plausible! amazing.

and josh brener’s acting when they’re like ‘do they call you that because your surname is bighetti’ .......... amazing

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DINESH AND GILFOYLE STARTED A COMPANY TOGETHER AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH MY GOD 

hey i just realised is NEWELL ROAD the place where the guy who bought dinesh’s laptop from the office clearance sale lived where gilfoyle turned up pretending to be geek squad to punch a hole in the laptop????!!

okay i just went back and checked and that’s not it. BUT newell road is the street the hacker hostel’s on!

which is fucking adorable and i love it.

ALSO

ALSO

ALSO

AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED THEY FUCKING MADE DINFOYLE CANON BECAUSE LOOK GILFOYLE SAYS THAT THING ABOUT DINESH BUYING THE HOUSE NEXT TO HIS BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM AND DINESH HAS NOTHING TO SAY BUT ‘FUCK YOU’ AND YOU KNOW WHAT

YEAH THEY DID IT

THEY STARTED A COMPANY TOGETHER AND GOT MARRIED

i swear to god when they said there was a meeting i just briefly imagined the ‘meeting’ was them sneaking off to a supply closet to fuck or something

YESSS

so we didn’t get jarrich but WE GOT THIS

okay whatevs i’ll take what i can get *blows coolly on nails*

jared working with the elderly! that thing about having parents and being someone’s parents! that’s so beautiful and makes so much sense it works somewhat as a salve to the darkly comedic but ultimately not really necessary punch to the gut that was the discovery about his biological parents.

judy reading one of gavin’s romance novels HAHAH YES

oh boy! the reunion!

i swear to god when richard and jared walked up to each other IT STILL FUCKING FELT LIKE THEY WERE GONNA KISS

everyone hugging!

GILFOYLE LOOKING TO THE CAMERA WHEN RICHARD AND JARED HUG

to me, that’s him being like ‘look at these two. ten years and they’ve not realised they’re in love yet’ hahahha

oh and Monica working for the NSA? yeah i can see it hahahah

jian-yang’s crazy jungle empire? yeah fuckin checks out

(RON’S PANIC WHEN RICHARD STARTS ADMITTING GUILT AND HE HAS TO BACKTRACK LMAO love the law jokes/references)

dinesh referring to gilfoyle’s horrible corner hahaha it’s so clear they fucking love each other they wouldn’t have fucking started a company if they didn’t also THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR TO EACH OTHER WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT

at first i was like oh god did richard and jared not see each other for years??? but then there was that line about ‘i saw you last week’ and i’m so happy again. headcanon best friends (not to say that big head isn’t also a best friend of richard’s) and they catch up and love each other and then fall in love down the line (TIME TO WRITE A FIC LOL)

WHEN JARED HAD THE THING IN HIS BAG I GUESSED IT WAS THE ALWAYS BLUE THING AND WHEN IT CAME OUT I ACTUALLY PUT MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH AT ALL THE FEELINGS AND OH BOY OH BOY YESSSSS

<3333

richard losing the thumb drive. HA.

good. good setup

now the spinoff of sv is this apocalyptic hellhole because the thumb drive fell into the wrong hands and now pied piper have gathered to face/fight the apocalypse

i..... could write that fic. i could.

i imagine in that apocalypseverse jared has super surprisingly become a ruthless leader of a tribe, dinesh and gilfoyle are dual rulers obviously (or like, scavenger rebels on the fringes), monica has a terrifying tribe of followers or has made herself indispensable to another leader, richard is working as a tech slave for someone horrible (or is out in the woods after being stranded away from civilisation when the first attacks/clusterfucks occur) but then gets rescued by jared/the rest .............. yeah

OKAY ANYWAY

in short i really really liked it and i think the whole idea of them having to purposely fail to save the world from the terrible genius of what they’ve created is a fitting and deliciously bittersweet way to end this wild journey and i LOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING SERIES and i don’t wish it had ended any other way

except for richard and jared kissing and sailing off into the sunset of course

[pairup-squareup]

why r u ep 3 thoughts

gripes!

It hasn’t gotten worse but god I hope we are swiftly moving past the exaggerated over the top comedy fear of being gay. I think we are, but I need it to lighten up on that angle.

very poor directors choice to have Sun creepily watch a passed out Hwahwa. It’s not his character at all, it was clearly not intended, but the image of a dude who has feelings for a person moving slowly closer to them as they are unconscious from alcohol is incredibly predatory.

i do not at all believe that was the intent, but it made me wince.

i will note the pacing in this ep was the best it’s been. there was still some extraneous stuff we didn’t need, but its definitely tightened up.

CONTENT!!!

finally i am getting a hold of fighter and tutor. I’ve got a handle on their characters now. Fighter is bad at everything emotional, and can’t stop escalating instead of pausing and taking a breath. Also, monumentally bad at self reflection.

Tutor? He’s a bit of a bastard, honestly. You get thrown off by Saint’s sweet angel face, but the actual character is fast tempered, and kind of a dick. This is not a bad thing. This makes this combo more interesting to me. I’m not into extreme bully/victim stuff, I need people to be able to stand their ground, or for the bullying to be pigtail pulling, to be a failure of communication of intent, not cruelty.

It feels like, and I may be wrong, but it looks like Fighter hasn’t intentionally gone into a relationship with Hwahwa to use her as a beard. He’s just a reactive dude who wants intimacy with Tutor but doesn’t understand why. A fool, but not a malicious one.

His and Tutor’s kiss scene made me want to start a brawl, lmao. 

Fighter: *kisses Tutor aggressively, without consent*

Me: siiigh, but i understand its a trope

Fighter, with an implied threat: Don’t tell anyone about this

Me: :|

Tutor: * calls Fighter/liking men abnormal, suggests he will out Fighter*

Me: ahh, I see you are also a motherfucker

but throughout this episode, we see Tutor coming to the actual realisation of what is motivating Fighter’s truly weird behaviour, even if Fighter himself hasn’t come to grips with it.

As i was saying to @bloubliette I can get behind bastard idiot/bastard with the capacity for thought and reflection. 

Their end scene was cute, especially Tutor looking at Fighter and having a Kanye moment.

“I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle” 

but instead of a water bottle it’s Fighter.

 Saifah and Zon! My boys!

Love that we got to see more of Saifah this week, his character outside of his flirting and being gleefully irritating towards Zon.

He’s just a big puppy. Maybe because the actual actor is baby, he’s 19 (and still growing wtf the absolute size of this boy??) and it’s his first role, but they aren’t making him stretch beyond a more low key natural character, and it’s absolutely a good thing. He’s so goofy, and harmless. Even though the characters are the same age, Tutor was sort of herding him about. It’s cute. He’s lovely.

Again, I don’t feel any malice from him, and that changes everything about this story. Unlike Fighter, who is in a hell of his own making, Saifah isn’t stressed by why he likes getting reactions from Zon, why it makes him happy. And he immediately catches a fuckin clue. Smart puppy.

Zon. My heart. My dear. He’s so good. He is a comedic treasure. His expressions, his comic timing. Love a short boy going through a sexuality crisis in the dumbest way possible. Cannot wait for him and Saifah to start collaborating.

Even though there was as much extra cast as last time, I feel like they made them work much better then the past two episodes. Scenes didn’t feel crowded.

god this is a fucking novel. Alright, plus and minuses

+ zon getting bullied by his friends into doing the song. it made me laugh a lot. shouting high insoles at him? magic. brutal. also of note was him standing while everyone else hunched over or sat so he was tallest.

- homophobic moments with tutor lmao. i hope its a mistranslation but there’s a difference for me between the comedy bl panic and calling liking men ‘abnormal’. it probably won’t happen again, i take comfort in that

+(ish) look at least zol is asking people if they can be in her RPF, and blue was very enthusiastic

- immediately afterwards she is committing BL crimes. its half a step forward, a kilometre back with the RPF novel writing

+ there was this beautiful moment where Saifah looked almost afraid and said “you fall down easily” about Zon, after he caught him. Fear for his wellbeing? Potential jealousy that Zon could be someone elses? Self reflection? I don’t know what it is, but oddly it was the moment of the episode for me.

+ look i liked the dumbass bathroom mistaken sex bit and I won’t apologise. It was stupid and it made me laugh

- boners and the bare inkling of gay awakening aside, uncool of saifah to be like, i will dooo moooore while naked, and Zon feels trapped. i get it, i know the intent behind it, I know it wasn’t a threat, but its because their dynamic is loud Pomerianian has a Golden Retriever puppy fall in love with it, that it unsettled me.

- Sun better pick up his game, and Fighter better be more honest, because HwaHwa is a good kid, who just wants her bff and the boy she likes to get along, and instead she’s being fucked over.

Most coherent episode so far, character development, and the plot moves on, not too fast, or too slow. Almost despite myself, I like this show. It was satisfying. I hope they have more cameos though, I loved those.

[wild-aloof-rebel]

y’all asked for a recap of the austin up close and personal shows, so i’m gonna do my best to give that to you. it was pretty similar to the other shows (which already are similar to things you can find in other interviews) so there isn’t a ton of new info here, but here it is anyway. under a cut because it’s gonna be long (and my immense apologies to people on mobile for whom we all know this won’t actually include a cut):

the show begins with the recap clip package from before s5 aired. i was a little sad to see they hadn’t updated it to include any new stuff, but it’s understandable i guess. even though i’d seen it before, did i start crying as soon as it started playing anyway? absolutely. was it amazing to be in a room full of people cheering for david and patrick’s first kiss? fuck yes.

dan and eugene come out on stage first for some father and son shenanigans. eugene jokes that dan is a big longhorns fan, to which dan replies that he doesn’t know what that is. they laugh at both shows about various sections of empty seats, even though the theater is supposed to be sold out. eugene jokes that he came up with the idea for the show while dan makes Dan Faces at him. dan says that they’ve been drinking frosé at the hotel all afternoon. eugene talks briefly about how proud he is of dan, and during one of the two shows you can basically see dan trying to shrink back into his leather jacket and hide--it’s so fucking cute how badly he takes compliments. (also, inserted side note that dan looks incredible, as usual, and i have to commend his commitment to his aesthetic for wearing a leather jacket in 80+ degree weather). and then they introduce the cast--noah, emily, annie, and finally catherine, who for good and obvious reasons gets a standing ovation at both shows.

the discussion starts with eugene and catherine talking about filming waiting for guffman because it was filmed in lockhart, texas, which is part of the austin metro area. they talk about eating a lot of barbecue during filming, and catherine says that that restaurant had a huge mural of like, bloody butchers on the wall, which was of course horribly unappetizing. from there they move into talking about all the couples they’ve played. dan asks if they have a favorite aside from johnny and moira, and they both agree it’s gerry and cookie from best in show. during one show, eugene tells the story of how he and christopher guest came up with the two left feet gag, and catherine jokes that moira’s backstory is similar to cookie’s, in that she has a trail of ex-lovers who consider their time with her to be the best sex of their lives. then they sing “god loves a terrier”

next they move into audition stories from annie, emily, and noah. annie talks about the bad spot she was in before the audition (during which emily cracked up, as is tradition for telling this story)--house burned down, $500 in the bank, blown her first screen test, and considering changing careers--how she read and tested for both alexis and stevie, and how it took 2 1/2 weeks for dan to call her back after her screen test, during which time she of course came to the conclusion she didn’t get either part. and dan when he called, of course was... well, dan, and left her hanging for as long as possible before asking finally asking if she wanted to play his sister. (he defends himself by saying punk’d was popular at the time, and he thought it would be funny.) emily talks about her similarly bad spot before her audition--divorce, no jobs, $800 in the bank--and the rumor that she took her top off during it. dan jumps in to clarify that in reality, she had a great audition and instead of saying thanks and leaving the room at the end, she sat down on the sofa, pulled the collar of her sweatshirt up over her head, and began rocking back and forth saying “that was awful, that was so bad, oh god...” dan also points out that her taking her top off would have done absolutely nothing for him, lmao, which then leads to noah joking that the first thing he did in his audition was take his top off. (I LOVE THEM) dan says noah was “underprepared” for his audition, to which noah argues that he prepared a lot--learned his lines, thought a lot about the character, etc.--but he didn’t watch any of the show, for which dan apparently still holds a grudge against him. he says dan also gives him shit for not having seen paddington 2, and dan reveals the ultimate travesty that noah has also not seen pretty woman.

for the next segment, each actor talks about their character. eugene talks about playing the straight man for once and how that differs from all the other roles he’s played. emily, during the second show, feels the need to clarify what he means by “straight man” since there are other connotations to that phrase, lol. 

there’s a brief moira clip package, and catherine talks about the origins of moira’s voice/pronunciation/vocabulary, dropping into the voice to refer to it as “mementos of her world travels” that she “bestows as a gift on the less travelled and less educated [which has about sixteen syllables in it]” as “an amuse bouche of what it’s like to walk in her givenchy shoes.” she also jokes during the second show that it’s a good thing dan didn’t make her audition to play moira because if she had come in with that voice/inflection, they would have thought she was having a stroke. dan asks her if she has a favorite wig--she doesn’t because it would be like asking her to choose her favorite “bébé”--but she does talk about how much fun it is to wear them in ways they weren’t intended, including as a hat, a look she refers to as her “director’s beret.”

annie talks about the influences of the kardashians, lindsay lohan, and the olsen twins on alexis’s speech and mannerisms. she talks about her vocal fry and how it’s essentially such a “lazy fucking way” of talking, as well as the origin of the alexis hands and how it came from the way they all hold their handbags. (her thought process: what if there was no handbag? and what if i turned my hand over? and what if i added another hand?) she also mentions that someone recently contacted her on instagram very concerned for her health because apparently her wrists being like that could be a symptom of some terrible disease. (she clarified that she doesn’t have any of the other symptoms lol). dan says it looks more like she was in a horrific accident, broke both wrists, and just decided not to get them fixed. annie insists that it’s actually very relaxing and that we should all try it before we fall asleep at night, lol. then there’s a whole conversation about the popularity of “ew david” and all the places it’s popped up--lapel pins, doormats, needlepoint, license plates--and annie says someone pointed out on twitter recently that she only actually says it twice in the show. [that’s actually wrong, she says it three times plus an “ew, no, david,” but the point still stands that she says it far less than people think she does.] dan jokes about how he didn’t realize when they wrote that line that people would someday be yelling “ew” at him when he walks by on the street.

emily talks about her similarities to stevie, starting with how they dress, and how much she loves just getting to sit behind the desk playing sudoku and solitaire all day. she says sometimes directors will be like, what if stevie was dusting in this scene? “why?!” maybe she wants to make coffee. “not that coffee!” and so emily stays happy and comfy behind the desk all the time, calling it the best job she’s ever had, and eugene confirms that hanging out behind the desk is indeed pretty nice.

dan asks noah about what it’s like to play basically the only sane person on the show. he talks about how interacting with the roses is a bit like watching a tv show or a family of aliens--it’s entertaining and you’re always waiting for what reference is gonna pop up next to what celebrity they did what with. he says that the day david walked into ray’s, for patrick it was like “discovering a unicorn.” he also mentions that one of his all-time favorite lines from the show is “it’s a general store, but it’s also a very specific store.”

they cover some fan creations, including the taxidermied rats that dan talked about on james corden, a couple of dogs dressed up like the roses, a planter with eugene’s face drawn on it, a little crocheted david and patrick, and a romance novel cover-style manip of david and stevie “behind the scenes” of the turkey shoot.

they talk a bit about cabaret, which is the only part of s5 that really gets discussed anywhere. noah and emily talk about how difficult the dancing was for the “money” scene (dan jokes that it was particularly difficult for emily since it didn’t consist of sitting behind a desk), how they both watched the video of the professionals doing it and thought it looked easy but that it was not. they talk about dan sending them for vitamin drips, and noah demonstrates a bit of the dance that they had particular trouble getting and that led to the choreographer trying to get emily even to just walk rather than doing the move and she still struggled. (here’s a brief video of that bit.) annie also joins in the discussion to talk about “willkommen” and how the choreographer was always so upset that they weren’t nailing the moves the way he wanted them to (her kick toward the end of the routine gets a special mention there), and they would just use the excuse of “well my character wouldn’t be a great dancer” to cover up for the fact that they couldn’t really do it lol. dan laughs about the fact that he wrote himself out of alla that mess.

dan asks noah to talk about his version of “the best.” noah says he knew how much the song meant to dan (they joke in one show about how dan is the kind of person who would hear the original in a club somewhere and beg everyone around him like “okay, but actually listen to the lyrics...”) and how difficult it was to figure out how to take something that’s so poppy and far from his usual style and transform it into something that would work for him. he talks about how dan finally texted him to ask if he could hear it, and he played it in his bedroom 17 or 18 times before finally sending dan one run of it and then didn’t hear anything back for like 4 hours. he jokes that at that point he basically is assuming he’s been fired. and dan jumps in to say that in reality he’d just been sobbing alone in the dark after listening to it and that you shouldn’t just spring that song on someone when they’re sitting at home alone marathoning downton abbey. noah says that what he thinks makes the scene particularly great on the show, however, is dan’s performance as david reacting to the song. dan then talks about the moment when moira reaches out to touch david’s arm and how that wasn’t scripted but was such a beautiful and important moment of support from a parent for their queer child. eugene then jokes that the scene would have been even more poignant if johnny had been included in it, and they argue over why he couldn’t have been there (he was back at the motel with stevie. eugene: “he could have slipped out for ten minutes.”)

dan asks everyone about their most memorable day on set. emily (along with contributions from noah and annie) talks in both shows about filming the cabaret scenes and how it was so great because it was the last day of shooting for s5 and they were in an actual theater with a whole audience to watch them and so it felt like a real, actual theater performance. they were rehearsing it up until the last possible minute, and they only got three takes at it.

in both shows, they talk about the junebugs from the filming of “surprise party” and dan a) not initially knowing what a junebug actually was and b) having a fear of flying bugs. (per dan, “so does nicole kidman. sue us both.”) they talk about all the takes that were ruined because there were so many flying around and how eventually one flew down dan’s shirt and he freaked out, which leads to eugene doing a reenactment of dan freaking out, complete with “fuck this fucking shit!” (the actual version of which you can of course watch in the s1 bloopers) eugene says he wanted to get t-shirts made that said fuck this fucking shit.

in the first show, eugene brings up the golf scene with johnny and roland and talks about the director yelling at them because they couldn’t stop laughing, take after take (which you can watch in the s3 bloopers). he jokes about how it ultimately didn’t even matter because “it’s my show.”

in the second show, catherine brings up the scene of moira and david trying to sell the allez vous products to everyone and how she couldn’t stop laughing because dan looked “insane” with all his tanner and his [intentionally] bad acting (again, s1 bloopers are your friend).

after all that, they play the multi-season blooper reel (which is great because i do always enjoy watching dan say “i never said i was bright, guys, just really fucking pretty” lmao). during both shows, annie and emily sit on the floor to watch it, which is super cute.

then there’s the audience vs cast trivia game. annie picks five audience members to come on stage and compete against the cast. i don’t remember all the questions dan asked, but between the two shows there was at least what’s alexis’s middle name? what does alexis call the mennonites who they get the peanut butter things from on the way to heather’s farm? what was the gift that patrick gave david on their first date? who was the person moira decided to perform a show about for asbestos fest (and a bonus point for the actual name of the show)? what does twyla put in glasses of champagne? what was moira’s character’s name on sunrise bay? and my personal favorite since i got the acknowledgement from dan for knowing the answer, what was the name of alexis and david’s nanny when they were kids? emily hands out t-shirts to the five audience members who played, and the prize for the audience “winning” is of course noah playing “simply the best” and he jokes beforehand that he’s been working on an acoustic arrangement of “a little bit alexis,” which noah, please, actually do the thing. (here’s a tiny video of him performing.)

the show ends with just a few quick words of thanks from dan. in the first show, he mentions that they’re filming the “sixth and final season,” which uhhhhhhhh does not get the warmest of reactions, which is probably why he doesn’t really mention it in the second show.

aside from the discussion of cabaret, there was very little discussion of s5. i think they’re basically still running the script from the shows they were doing at the start of the season, so i guess that makes sense, but it would have been nice to see a little more talk about it. in one of the shows, dan does briefly bring up annie having done both the song and the choreography for “a little bit alexis” herself, and he says they have more footage of her dancing and that maybe they might release some of it as a treat. and then he kind of realizes what he said and goes, “well i guess now that i said it we actually are gonna have to do it...” so maybe we have that to look forward to?

also since there was no discussion of the engagement in the first show, i submitted a few questions for the second show to try to get them to talk about it (some questions more direct than others), and dan did somehow manage to pick one of mine to read, which was asking noah what it was like having dan carry him up a mountain repeatedly. (i know we’ve heard him talk about it already in some of the bts videos, but like i said, some questions were more direct than others, and that was my indirect way of being like, binch let’s talk about what happened on that mountain lolol.) i actually missed the first several seconds of noah’s response because i was too busy dying about dan reading my question (if someone else who was there wants to fill me in, please do, lmao), but i think he made a joke about dan actually carrying him allllll the way up the mountain, and then more seriously he did specifically say that it was impressive for dan to do it take after take because “i’m not a light man.” he also talked about how they got up there and started filming them looking out at the scenery, and that turkey vulture just swooped so nicely right into the shot and circled back out again and how auspicious that seemed. (there you go, @jcams88, confirmation just for you, straight from noah’s mouth, that that they did not edit in the turkey vulture flying around back there.) unfortunately there was no further discussion of the proposal from there, but hey it’s at least a bit more s5 talk than we would have had if i hadn’t asked lol. all the thanks to dan for picking my question and at least giving us this much.

one other random thing that happens throughout the show and made me laugh a lot is that when annie or noah talks about something dan has said to them, they say it in their best impersonation of dan’s voice, and after they’re done, dan’s immediate response is, “okay, first of all, i don’t sound like that,” in the exact same tone of voice they were impersonating. as a running gag, it was solidly funny every single time. i love them all SO much.

[maliciouslycreative]

So I’ve mentioned a lot of times over the years that I used to be fandom famous in a small anime fandom and I spent a lot of my time running damage control to an anti however I’ve never actually recounted the whole tale for you all. Buckle up and crack open a lemonade because we’re going on a journey (more under the cut).

The year is 2004, I’m 17, and in my final year of high school. I wrote a lot of fanfic back then, mostly for anime fandoms and around the time I joined Gaia I started posting my fanfic “Several Blows to the Head” which became unexpectedly extremely popular. But before I go forward I feel I should give some back story because some of you will probably get extremely confused very fast otherwise.  

For those of you who don’t know about gaia online let me give you some history. Gaia was pretty much THE SHIT back in the mid to late 2000s. It was an anime themed forum website where you had a little avatar you could dress up.You gained gold by posting, playing mini games, posting in polls, or even just browsing in general. There were hundreds of subforums and in each of them a tonne of active threads. Another feature was the guild system. Basically anyone could create a guild which was pretty much your own themed subforum that  the guild admin could decide the rules and who was able to join as long as they still followed Gaia’s ToS. 

The anime I was into was (Bakuten Shoot) Beyblade, which at the time was an ongoing series. For those unfamiliar with the series a bunch of teenagers use battling tops possessed with the spirits of ancient mythological creatures and even gods to fight each other. Let’s just say it wasn’t winning any awards for amazing writing but it was a lot of fun and I LOVED my small corner of the fandom. It was pretty much your average shonen series of the time which meant that it had a main cast of 5 male characters (with a female lead added in the second season) and then very few minor female characters. The only actual canon ship was only made canon in a post canon addition to the manga that was not even released outside of Japan. So I bet you all are coming to the same conclusion that yes, there was incredibly bad shipping drama. The breakdown of shipping pretty much looked like this

10% slash

70% canon male/OC

20% canon male/canon female

Now to resume our story. I joined Gaia and headed over to the anime forum and found the main Beyblade thread. I posted an introduction and in it made mention that I was a fanfic writer and I liked slash. This was when I met C. I’m not going to drag her name as all of this went down over a decade ago and I hope that she’s grown as a person since then. If any of you are REALLY resourceful I mean the threads still exist. You can go find them and see just how awful it got.  

C was a year older than me and apparently the authority in these parts on all things Beyblade. She was also a writer but in her own words did not write fanfics, she wrote and posted novels. She was pretty well known in the canon/OC circles and had a pretty enthusiastic following. 

So when I came in to that thread and introduced myself I opened a can of worms. I was told that we did not discuss slash ships in this thread because it was not canon and it made some people uncomfortable. And ok, I can see that. It was cool. I was there to have fun and chat with people. I mean anyone that wanted to chat slash I could add on YIM, MSN, or LJ. However, 2 things started driving the knife into the wound.

It was not ok to talk slash but it was perfectly ok for C to discuss in depth her fanfics because it was an OC and obviously did not contradict canon as the stories were post (a currently unfinished) canon

People kept recognising me because my fanfic was exploding in popularity. So people kept bringing up slash and I’d get dragged into it as my fic was usually a catalyst for discussion. 

To keep things from escalating us slash fans decided to make our own thread to talk Beyblade slash. Now, there was some divide in the slash fandom and people pretty much shipped only Kai/Takao or Kai/Rei but for the sake of everyone’s sanity we put our shipping differences aside in the thread and aimed to make it a positive space for everyone. I mean, most of us were multishippers so we tended to just be excited to read anything that wasn’t one of the 9000 OC fics we had to wade through to find any slash. 

Whenever people would come into the main Beyblade thread now if they happened to mention slash they would get an extremely cold message from C if one of us didn’t manage to intervene first and direct the new member to our other thread. 

The other crux of the problem was Kai. Kai was probably the most popular character in the English fandom and Kai was C’s favourite character. She had an extremely specific idea of how people should interpret Kai. If anyone came into the thread and made a post like “I LOVE KAI <3 <3 <3” she would be rather unkind to them making back handed comments about how the person only liked him because he was attractive or a “bad boy” or that if they didn’t have anything to add to the thread they should leave because we didn’t like spamming in the thread. If we ever started character analysis on Kai then C had to have the last word. After all she shared some characteristics with Kai and obviously that meant that she therefore knew him the best. 

You all can probably imagine how well conversations went in this thread. I did my best to kindly welcome people to the thread, redirect them when they needed to be, and tried to calm down discussions when they got too heated. And if things got too bad in the main thread we’d just move to the slash thread and be super excellent to each other. There were days where C became so unbearable that her friends that didn’t even ship slash would come into the slash thread to hang with us because we were just really nice. 

She was also extremely pushy with her fics. Whenever fanfics would come up shed be the first to suggest to anyone that they should read her novels. She even tried it repeatedly on the slash fans. Being completely fed up I one day made her an offer that if she read one of my fics I’d read all of hers. I didn’t even specify which fic. So she could’ve chosen one of my under 5k fics and I would have agreed to read like 200k worth of her fics. She never agreed to this in all the years of me dealing with her. 

The worst part of it all was we couldn’t even really report her for harassment or anything because she was friends with a lot of moderators. The last thing any of us wanted was to get banned over some petty grievance since we’d lose all our hard work to making our avatars look fabulous. 

If the whole mess in the forums wasn’t bad enough there was 1 Beyblade guild and guess who the guild admin was. The atmosphere in said guild could best be described as… tense. Anyone that wasn’t one of C’s rabid followers ran under the constant fear that they’d be booted for saying something that didn’t agree with her narrow view of things. My best friend and I were honestly surprised that she even allowed us into the guild. But she probably couldn’t afford to outright deny us as I was a pretty prominent writer in the english slash community then and my friend was also a prominent writer and artist. 

Eventually we got tired of walking on eggshells constantly so some of the other slash fans and myself pooled our resources together and I created a second Beyblade guild. Our message was simple, we were just there to be a safe haven for ALL fans of the series. We were expecting pretty much the people from the slash thread and then maybe a handful of other people to join.

The entire fandom on Gaia over the course of a couple days abandoned C’s guild and joined ours. Whereas before we created ours hers was on a steady traffic decline our guild was BOOMING with posts. 

Unfortunately the oldest mail I have is from 2007 on Gaia so I don’t have any screenshots of this but C was understandably upset that we’d sniped her entire user base. We did try to smooth it over with her saying that that was never our intention but it ended with her sending me a message that literally said “ok, you win” and this is something I still think about over a decade later. It forever shifted how I perceive antis. 

My whole time in fandom I’d just been here trying to have a good time. I didn’t intend to become fandom famous. I didn’t intend to be in charge of one of the most active Beyblade forums at the time. I wasn’t trying to change C’s mind or fight her. And this whole time she’d thought I’d been fighting against her because we had different views on the series. 

The last episode of Beyblade G Revolution aired in September 2005, her guild officially closed in 2006 and the fandom eventually started drifting into other things. I stayed active in it until probably 2008 when personal stuff drew me out of fandom and then officially took a leave from fandom in 2009 when my best friend passed away. I don’t know what happened to C but I know she was still writing her novels at that point. Whenever I see fandom drama brewing I always think back to her and how frustrated she used to make me and then I think of the “ok, you win” and I’m just left feeling sad for her and people like her. I just don’t understand how people can let their hearts be so consumed by hatred and self righteousness that it poisons their entire fandom experience. I guess that’s a conversation for another time.

One final comment that I would like to make here since I didn’t know where to fit it in above is that my one friend was completely DONE with C one day and we were talking to each other and she was like “she acts like her fics save lives in Africa!” and honestly this is the most perfect description of C’s attitude. Like good for her for believing in her writing but there is sometimes a point where you need to chill out with self promotion. 

[regrettablewritings]

How differently do they think of each other now compared to when they first met?: You thought of Clark as anyone who’d ever met him before did: He was timid, and something about his demeanor seemed poorly suited for the frame that actually portrayed it. However, he seemed harmless enough; nothing worth digging into. That was what you had made sure to take note of during your period as a mole for one “Mr. Knight.” (You really wished Mr. Wayne would’ve thought up a less laughable alias, but he wasn’t paying you to criticize. Only to keep your finger on the pulse of Metropolis by infiltrating the ranks of the Daily Planet). However, as time went on, that initial response seemed to shift somewhat.

It didn’t take long for you to notice his frequent disappearances during the work day. When you inquired about it, an apparent friend of his, Lois, explained that it had something to do with some “health concerns” or whatever story he was supposedly working on that week. You raised a brow at the matter but took note for future reference. Part of you wanted to believe that your job (your real one as a mole) had been made a lot easier by potentially having a link to finding out who the caped Kryptonian was. But another part of you was suspicious of the possibility; after all, that would be far too good of luck for that to be the case, right? Probably.

You would’ve been happy to have left it like that, had it not been for the brief but relatively multiple occurrences where you’d witnessed Clark be able to perform acts that would have required excessive strength such as moving a full file cabinet with ease, or gripping the edge of his desk enough to snap the pulpy wood it was made out of. It was perhaps in your need to justify everything that wound up being your downfall. You were on a mission – a very important one at that – and it wouldn’t do to constantly pester your boss about every strange thing that occurred in the area. (If that were the case, you would’ve had the Bruce Wayne lurking around the nightclub scene, intimidating every other person who could do a vape trick through a gaged hole in their mouth.)

In this case, you looked to the small file of Daily Planet workers that Mr. Wayne had provided you with, pleased to use Clark’s farm boy heritage as an excuse for his freakish strength (never mind that he supposedly had health issues that may or may not have a supposed effect on it). But perhaps also you just needed a reason to not have to be suspicious of him: He was, from what few interactions the two of you had had, a very nice guy. Not a Nice Guy™, but a man who appeared to be nice by nature. You sure as heck never met one back in Gotham!

Clark admittedly didn’t have much of an opinion on you for the first chunk of your time undercover. It wasn’t necessarily that you didn’t appear in his awareness enough for him to form an idea of you, it was just that with his self-appointed position as a sort of guardian of the Earth (or at least Metropolis), learning about new coworkers wasn’t really on the top of his list. Especially with this Batman nonsense beginning to spill over from across the bay. But from what he did manage to take note of, however, you were polite and dedicated, always seeing your assigned tasks to the end – which was undeniably something that Clark couldn’t always say for himself.

He didn’t expect the latter to come back to bite him in his nigh-on invincible ass, though.

It didn’t matter to you that he’d insisted that all was forgiven: The amount of guilt you’d accumulated after being tied up into his near-defeat just wouldn’t quit.

“Please,” you said, almost seriously, “punch my body backwards. Fling me into the sun… Lois mentioned you got a place in the Arctic, right? Drop me off there and leave me to fend for myself.”

Once again, Clark found himself laughing (albeit in an attempt to alleviate the tension).

“It’s okay,” he swore. A beat before shrugging. “Well, not okay … But it’s all said and done. You didn’t mean any harm –”

“This entire UC mission was to figure out who Superman was so my boss could kick the shit out of him.”

“… Well, you didn’t mean the extent of the harm, anyway.”

Even after you placed your two-weeks notice at the Daily Planet, thus ending your time in Metropolis, the apologies wouldn’t quit. Nor did your efforts to attempt proportionate compensation via expensive fruit baskets.

(“Wow,” Lois breathed, observing the intricate designs carved into a large watermelon. The great fruit itself had been converted into a basket that now held grapes and honeydew and all sorts of other natural goodies. “Somebody must really like you, Clark.” She smirked as Clark’s ears burned red. He cast his eyes downward, but he knew she knew.)

But eventually he must have gotten sick of fruit or acquired a compost pile too large for the likes of the city, because eventually he contacted you and suggested the two of you settle this in a more agreeable way: Having a nice dinner and chatting. Even though Clark insisted it was something he’d managed to pull together, the fact that the restaurant was practically bare save for the staff gave you the creeping suspicion that he had called in a favor with Mr. Wayne. You intended on asking Clark if this had been the case (aside from his alter ego, the man was pretty honest about everything else), but first: You had to talk about the fight that happened so long ago.

It was by no intention (at least, not of your own) that the discussion would diverge into other topics, which then turned into conversations all a world of their own. Things like how different Metropolis was from Gotham. Or your respective personal lives when not saving the world or writing for a flimsy paper or being a billionaire’s second righthand. Or favorite dishes to cook. Or favorite past times. By the time the night was over, you’d forgotten what the two of you had come together for in the first place.

Fast forward to now, when the two of you are a couple. You still think he’s a dorkish sweetheart, but really only when he’s in civilian mode. This is because you’ve since come to know Clark as being far more multidimensional than the stereotypical, sheepish lad he sells himself as. You respect his sacrificing attitude, nerve-wrecking as it can often be. It’s interesting how a man can seem so ideal yet struggle so much with the weight of what his abilities carry, and he lets you know about that weight often enough. He wants to be the best hero he can, but that’s just plain impossible. Nevertheless, he tries and sometimes he pushes himself too far in the attempts. He needs a lot more comfort and validation than he lets in on, of which you are glad to provide.

Clark is quite glad to learn that being ambitious wasn’t just a trait you wore for your time undercover – it was something that you had arrived in Metropolis with, and one that you carried out in everything you did no matter how big or small. Let’s be real, Clark’s always admired a go-getter, so it’s no surprise that that is perhaps the trait he’s most excited about seeing in you. He admires your openness to carrying out tasks, something of which he can’t quite do as often as he’d like due to who and what he is. However, he’s more than happy to support you because you’re his biggest cheerleader and have faith in him. Going off of this, he also appreciates your loyalty. It’s an impassioned sort, assisted by the aforementioned sense of dedication you display. Once your mind is made up, it would take either a lot or your own self to actually sway you off the course you’d set. No wonder he was able to buy you as a genuine journalist for so long!

What do their friends/family think of their relationship?: Given that he’s far less hostile towards Clark post-fight, Bruce doesn’t feel nearly as threatened about the relationship as he probably could’ve been. Of course, he’s still put off by it: He hadn’t expected his spy to come back dating the very man he’d been afraid of all these years. However, given that he’s grown to trust Clark as a person, all Bruce can do is sigh heavily and just let things happen. The both of you are grown-ups, he trusts nothing weird is going to happen.

“Besides,” he resigns, “at least the guy can protect you if need be.” Damn right he could.

Neither of you get the chance to even tell Lois before she figures it out (the woman isn’t an award-winning investigative journalist for nothing). Honestly, she thought the two of you had been dating long before you actually began (“I thought that the fruit baskets were little tokens of affection after the fifth week of it happening,” she said). However, she is quick to regard the relationship as something straight out of a cheesy romance novel and she’s absolutely living for it.

“Enemies-turned-lovers – god, can Clark ever be a part of something not cliché?” she giggles into her morning coffee the day she figures out the situation. Suffice to say she’s at least glad that the man is actually interacting with more people on a regular basis than just her. On that note, the League also soon finds out (because let’s be real, Diana could either see it in Clark’s features, or Bruce blabbed about it). With the exception of Bruce (who is exasperated about it), the League is predominately neutral regarding the relationship. Actually, scratch that: Barry bluntly comments about how strange the union is because “didn’t [Clark] almost die because of the information [you] got on [him]?” He doesn’t mean to come off in any negative kind of way, it just perplexes him at first. However, given that he and Clark are “speed buddies” and therefore share kindred, sprinted spirits, he trusts Clark’s decision and is happy for him.

When you finally videochat your family so they can finally lay their eyes on your boyfriend, you have to pray to whatever god is out there that the camera feed is too grainy for them to make out Clark’s features too well. When your sibling commented on how Clark looks vaguely familiar, your stomach took a plunge into your bowls. Thankfully, Clark was able to play it off as a joke about how he just has “basic white guy face.” It manages to get a chuckle out of your family. All in all, they think you’ve found yourself a “fine young man.” It’s your friends, however, you struggle the most with. It’s not that they disapprove of the relationship – far from it, in fact – it’s just that with them being physically present and far more social media savvy, it’s harder to keep them from recognizing Clark as the controversial Kryptonian. As a result, Clark kept his almost sheepish workplace demeanor, adding fuel to the image by always opting to wear clothes that are just unflattering to his figure. Nothing godawful, but definitely nothing to indicate at the 6’1” mass of pure muscle that he really was.

No neither side’s surprise, they bought it. Mainly because Clark was naturally very likable. Your friends boldly praise Clark for being “a rare breed of man”, and you for managing to snag him. It’s when they ask you guys how you met, however, that things had to be fudged a bit. As far as they know, you two met while he was interviewing you for a piece that wound up getting cancelled. You’re pretty sure they wouldn’t be able to handle learning you’re involved with espionage, much less that it was the reason you are now dating Superman.

How do their personalities/skills complement or contrast with each other?: While both you and Clark are go-getters, it’s really only in your own respective rights. For example, it’s in his nature to present it as tamer. He works in ways that, at their core, are meant to minimize damages to the best of his ability. (Whether or not this actually plays out, of course, depends on the circumstances.) This isn’t to say that you’re necessarily rambunctious but being that you were trained under and employed by a man with an “any means necessary” point of view, it’s easy to sometimes let your ambitions get the better of you. You both are also skilled in the ways of being elusive, with it being in your job description by the nature of the job, and with it being a necessity for him to be able to be Superman and Clark separately.

What is their favorite aspect of each other?: Even from day one, with what little you knew or cared about Clark, you had to admit: You admired his kindly nature. Depressing as it was to say, it just wasn’t a common thing to find in people, much less the men hardened by urban living. And your job and all its accompaniments hadn’t necessarily convinced you otherwise – you were just so used to seeing and reporting horrible, dark things about seemingly nice people that you had lost quite a bit of hope by the time Clark had rolled around. In fact, you honestly didn’t really by his willingness to help or his politeness – at first. But once he proved that everything about his efforts was genuine, you couldn’t help but admire those traits. A little too much so, in your initial opinion.

Part of you even questioned your own reliability, that maybe you took small, normal instances of him being a decent human and exaggerated them to godlike status to make your eventual romantic relationship with him more justifiable. But ultimately you clung to it: The universe was offering you a walking piece of Heaven, who were you to truly deny yourself that? Of course, it sometimes exhausted you to see him try to fulfill expectations that weren’t even necessarily there (especially with his Clark Kent alias), but more on that later. In healthy doses, his unselfishness was his strongest point.

Having been raised in a farming community, Clark grew up appreciating the value of working hard to get results. This has since bled into the real world where go-getters tend to gain some bit of admiration within him, especially those who use their determination to see a job through to a greater good. Granted, the situations wherein you tended to use this trait of yours are a bit controversial: Espionage, for all intents and purposes, was a shady business to get into, especially since his first awareness of your involvement in it required you to be a mole and feed your employer information, of which subsequently got Clark’s ass kicked. But you win some brownie points when he gets to observe that same diligence in you outside of work. If you set your sights on a project or something you wish to acquire, you’re going to see it through, from getting a recipe for a stay-in date night down, to attempting to fix the dryer despite knowing very little about handyman-ship.

Suffice to say, godly being loves a trier.

Do either of them have pet peeves about each other?: It may seem cold, but you hate that Clark blames himself for not being able to stop anything and everything. It’s ridiculous. He may be “godlike” to the eyes of many, but that doesn’t make him God, much less suggest that even God helps everybody. He just needs to accept to the vest of is ability that there are some (and by some, you mean plenty) of things he can’t do. That’s what makes him human. He doesn’t … take this bluntness too well. Yes, he knows you’re right, but the delivery of this type of sensitive subject doesn’t always flow sweetly through your lips. And that’s what he doesn’t like.

Your concern for his self-validation doesn’t always translate as being from a place of good intentions, unfortunately. Sometimes you just come off as cold and cruel. And that is probably when he dislikes from you: That despite being a very caring person, you seem to be a little more detached compared to him. You’re more so about people rather than for people, whereas he has built himself up as a figure for people and about people. As a result, he sometimes feels beside himself, thinking that your aloof nature shouldn’t be excused by what you’ve experienced and that it only contributes to a bigger problem as a whole.

The truth of the matter is that while both sides have valid arguments, the delivery of such concerns – especially when in the heat of an argument – can result in ill delivery of either impression.

The words “martyr syndrome”, “ridiculous”, “cold”, and “selfish” are likely to be thrown about until you either storm off or he practically blasts out of the apartment before he accidentally lasers the kitchen counter out of rage.

How would each reconcile with each other after a fight?: Cool down time is especially important in a situation wherein one member of the couple is capable of accidentally setting off a very dangerous super power when enraged. Clark would never hurt you, mind you; even when frustrated with you, he would never wish you ill in spite of what he may imply when blinded by anger. However, you make him pretty vulnerable, mind you. And sometimes, that vulnerability may mess with his ability to focus on trying not to smash a balled fist against the coffee table and turning it into toothpicks upon impact. And while you may not be anywhere near that strong or gifted with abilities that would allow you to destroy things with the same capacity, you still have plenty of anger to simmer down from.

Screaming into a pillow usually only does so much (mostly just making your throat and head hurt), so more often than not you’ll try to nap away the pain. If you manage to wake up before Clark comes back, there’s a slight chance you’ll be in a better mood. Maybe not a perfect one, but you’ve at the very least calmed down a bit. Depending on the situation, you may have even accepted that you can’t stay mad forever, let alone with him, and you want to just end this silly dispute and make peace. You wait up for him to return which, in itself, is a feat considering that his abilities allow him to literally travel all over the world in record time – which he has done in some cases under the duress of an argument. If you stay up for hours, even into the blooming light of the rising sun, he won’t even try to talk with you when he returns – he’ll just usher you back to bed and quietly say you’ll talk when you’re both well-rested.

When that time eventually comes, the keyword here is “softer.” Speak what you mean in softer language. Don’t sugarcoat it, but there’s definitely a better way to state your claim than, “Shit happens everywhere in the world, it’s not your job or even your ability to clean it all up, nor should you kick your own ass about it.” Clark will be patient and let you tell your side, nodding or furrowing his brows at certain comments, before telling his own side of the situation regarding himself. Then, when you’re ready, he’ll confide in you (in softer terms) his worry that you’re being too indifferent about the current state of the world and his place in them. He understands you don’t mean to come off in such a way, but it just concerns him that you’ve really given up on everything.

Of course, you haven’t. You just felt it was easier to cope with everything this way. He understands. Just like deep down, you understand that your beloved boyfriend just wants to bring to the world more peace than there was before he came. Neither part may necessarily agree with the others’ methods or how it may impact them (making you cold, making him filled with anxiety), but the most that you can do is be there for one another. Offer each other support and love and keep as much of a balance as possible. Because in the end, you keep him grounded and Clark lifts you up.

What would be their ideal vacation getaway together?: It’s hard to place where or even what vacationing with Clark would look like to be honest. Given who Clark is, he can’t always just up and decide to take a break. At least, that’s what he convinces himself. And it drives you absolutely nuts! Once Lois and Diana catch wind of this, they’re on Clark’s back like college students on free food, scolding him for “neglecting his boyfriend duties.” He only really gives in after Diana’s fifty-fifth insistence that the League can handle things in his absence. However, it then becomes a matter of where to go.

Given his abilities, he can and has easily traveled to other countries in very little time with few to no difficulties. But since he more often than not is not there to take in the scenery or culture, this makes it only a bit easier. However, you insist that on vacation he ought to act a little more normal so that he can get the full experience. This means you have to choose a vacation destination wisely, otherwise y’all have wasted money. Generally speaking, Clark’s nervousness about being too far from Metropolis is likely going to affect how far the two of you go at first, never mind how easy it would be for him to just fly back if the League truly did need him. However, enough nudging can result in a trip a little further from Metropolis than Clark would have expected to be besides Smallville.

He finds that he likes Yosemite Park. Not so much the crowds it tends to draw, but definitely the hiking trails and the potential picnics that could be had further away from the screeches of children and bellowing of their frustrated parents. Plus, his abilities make going further inward and elsewhere all the more easy, with getting lost or having to escape potentially dangerous animals being a thing of the past when Clark can easily fly above the treetops and back toward civilization if need be. Of course, he still tries to avoid being cocky and to keep his wits about him, but for the most part, Clark finds himself enjoying the vacation. Once he’s gotten through his hesitancies and potential guilt about relaxing, he practically collapses into a puddle of released stresses, his head warming your lap as the two of you enjoy the gentle breeze of the little patch of forest you decided to spend your little picnic for two in.

He dreadfully misses it when it comes time for him to resume his jobs as both a reporter and as guardian of Metropolis (and, furthermore, the world).

Think of a new way (AU, different situation, etc.) they could have met for the first time

The world was strange, and Clark wasn’t sure how much right he had to conclude that for himself. Because, on one hand, he was a flying, laser-shooting alien with unparalleled strength. But on the other, he was involved with a team composed of two technical demigods (both whose people were thought to be myths), a cyborg revived from the brink of death by a box, and a man fast enough to phase through solid material with just the proper amount of focus. This went without mentioning the fact that his enemy-turned friend was a billionaire who’d been dressing like a bat for the last three decades but, all things considered, that was arguably normal by comparison.

But, with the exception of Victor, you never would’ve assumed such oddities about any of them. Not at first glance at least. But that was the point: The world could only handle so much strangeness before people became too opposed to it for it to carry on. Which was why it made Clark a little more than on edge when things around Metropolis started to seem a little … odd.

It started off with little things: Black marks appearing in alleyways, cracking and booming noises often occurring before or after. “Not unlike thunderclaps,” witnesses would later say. TVs and other electrical devices going wonky or even outright snapping out of life. Fuse boxes would be blackened, the areas around them sometimes scorched. But the electric companies couldn’t find anything about the equipment that would suggest sabotage; and inspectors on the case found little to nothing that could suffice as evidence that there was purposeful vandalism. And with all the more obvious surveillance cameras damaged before any footage could be captured, there was only so much to go on. There was little rhyme or reason indicating a pattern to which areas got struck besides the fact that they tended to be in wealthier areas, but considering much of Metropolis was inhabited by the upper-class, it was nearly a moot note so the likelihood of a successful stakeout was remarkably slim – if performed by the average cop.

Bruce wasn’t a cop. But he also wasn’t the average detective. It had taken some time and a lot of surveillance, coupled with Lois’ own findings done on her own time, but by the end of a month and a half, they were pretty certain they had found their culprit. All that was left was to have Clark find them and bring them in, hopefully to join the League.

Why Clark?

“Pretty sure that if you get electrocuted, you’ll just register it as a tickle,” Bruce admitted. Blunt, but fair.

Still, Clark couldn’t help but think as he scouted the skies one night, maybe the rich guy who has plenty of time the next day to rest might want to go searching in the middle of the night?

But there was no use in arguing, much less at this point. Though some small part of him wish he’d put up a bit more of a fight beforehand. Normally, Clark was glad to have found the city experiencing little to no issues, especially at night. However, considering the added weight of expectations placed on this particular outing, there he couldn’t help but hold a little bit of anticipation in him –

VwwmmmmmpapapapKRACK.

It was faint, being in the distance, but it was nothing his hearing couldn’t register: The sound of fuse tampering and popping out of life. There, some odd three miles away: There was a glow swelling and slightly throbbing with diminishing power, crawling out of an alleyway into the night air.

Well, Clark thought somewhat optimistically. At least I won’t have to track them down based on looks alone …

+++++++++

Moving to Metropolis was supposed to be the start of something new. Something good and new, specifically. Not getting into a freak accident involving a weird, unnatural-looking cloud appearing just as you were checking out your apartment’s fuse box and waking up months later from a comatose state. That alone should have been enough of a cue that things weren’t going to go your way.

But, oh, it didn’t stop there. It would’ve been fine to have stopped when a majority of your clothes would stick to you regardless of the fashion; that was bearable. But it went on: From your phone exploding in your touch to your electronics following suit. It didn’t stop when the electricity in your building flickered with your rage; nor did it stop when, on a fearful whim, you attempted to summon as much voltage from as many transformers in a three-block radius as possible – and succeeded. Well, that is, before your attempts to return the acquired energy resulted in their sources exploding. You weren’t trying that again.

Not until you had a better grasp of it all… . But god, why was it all so dam hard to grasp?

You’d though it be best to practice in the richer parts of town – the electric company would be in a far bigger hurry to bring them their power back, the absolute bastards. But with how many generators and the like you were destroying, you were running out of practice space.

You groaned as you watched the circuit box before you begin to putter out of use.

“Greeeeat, (Y/N),” you told yourself. “You finally begin to get the hang of putting shit back where it came, you get a little too excited, and blam-o.” The all too familiar feeling of disappointment developed a sigh in you; you had long since passed feeling anxious about the destruction of property, and you knew you could do no good by trying to fix it. All you could do now was leave the scene, pretend to sleep peacefully, and try to figure out where to go next.

It had been nearly two months since you started your high-voltage, highly dangerous practicing; surely by now the cops were on to you, what with most of your “victims” being people of note. Logic said to shake them off your trail by moving to a type of location they wouldn’t have seen comic. But … that meant going to lower-income neighborhoods. And as much as you wanted to figure out how to stop blowing up electronics by touch, you really weren’t comfortable with doing it at the expense of those who needed the help more.

“Good evening,” came a voice, yanking you out of your nervous thoughts. It had taken your brain a moment to register it, but you could’ve sworn it came come from the sky: A type of voice dashing heroes in old movies would use; heroes with big, strong chins.

Superman did, of course, have such a feature on him, you came to find. But as he descending from the sky, into the alley (thus blocking your way out), you were forced to consider that every feature he had appeared to be big and strong: His towering height, his bulging muscles that the suit made no effort to hide, his … hands that would most definitely kill you if he so much as poked you with one finger.

That last thought alone, even in a hypothetical sense, was all it took for your fight or flight senses to kick in, your hands suddenly flying up in defense with fizzles of what electricity you’d collected springing in your palms.

Superman, however, did not flinch. He barely even regarded your sparkling, trembling hands (which did nothing for your confidence, both in your abilities and in your chances of getting out of this unmaimed).

“You don’t want to do that,” Superman stated. Simple as that. And he was right: You really didn’t want to have to “fight” him. But what else could you do?

On Clark’s own end, he could just feel the anxiety radiating off of you. He didn’t even have to listen for your heartbeat thundering in your chest. Honestly, though he hated to admit it, looking at you reminded him of seeing small, scared animals back in Smallville. Rabbits and mice found scittering about on the farm to be more specific.

On one hand, he was just glad you weren’t some hyper-powered hooligan willing to throw a punch in a fight they weren’t ready for. But on the other, he felt a little bad scaring you like this. It was probably best if he didn’t near you. For now.

“It’s okay,” he offered. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

You sighed and lowered your hands, your pitiful static fizzling to a halt. “Look,” you said quietly, “I promise I’ll go away. I’ll switch towns! I swear!”

At this, the man furrowed his brows. “I’m afraid that can’t happen …” Your heart plummeted before being slingshotted back into a revived desire to plea and flee.

“I swear, okay! Nobody was supposed to get hurt!” you insisted. “I don’t think anybody even really got hurt, per se … Just inconvenienced. But I promise, it won’t happen again – ” In the midst of your rambling, Superman took a step towards you. It was a simple movement, all things considered, but for you, in this moment of high stress, it might as well have been an outright threat. You couldn’t stop yourself from releasing a pathetic yelp, nearly stepping all over your own feet to take a few steps back.

Crap, Clark cursed. Okay, clearly acting serious and stern was helping nobody. At this point, you were probably going to run in the opposite direction and smack your skull against the dead end of the alleyway. To hell with this.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he suddenly said. He raised his hands in a weak attempt to show his change of demeanor. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” You had to admit, even in your moment of fear, the sudden shift in tone was not lost on you.

He still had hints of old school hero in his voice, but now there was something … more? It was hard to place (especially in your current jumpy state), but you were just able enough to pick out nodes of what his voice now held: Sunshine; apples; the type of voice a sweet man running a humble little bookstore or fruit stand might have.

It had to have been a trap. You weren’t one to disapprove of Superman, given all that he’s done, but being on the other side of him just wasn’t doing much for your ability to think straight. And Clark could sense it.

“Hey,” he tried again. “I’m sorry if I scared you.” You blinked, a brow slowly beginning to raise. “We – I’ve been looking for you, per a friend’s request, and – ” No sooner had he said it, Clark regretted it. The look of resumed discomfort of your face made him really acknowledge that.

“ ‘Friend’?” you demanded. “Who the hell is your friend? What do you want?!”

Oh, geez.  

“Listen, please, remain calm!” Clark pleaded. To him, in that moment, he’d thought he’d been sounding gentle enough. But as the nearby streetlights began to flicker, he knew better.

Once again, regret: If there was anything he’d learned working with Lois and Bruce, it was that telling someone on the verge of panic or in the midst of complete frustration to “calm down” in any sense was a bad, bad, bad idea. Saying so to a person who had powers, controlled or not, however? Absolutely terrible idea.

While your previous attempt at intimidation by way of summoning electricity had done little to impress Clark, he had to admit: You were a bit better at it now. The more the streetlights blinked, the more streams of electronic light appeared to gather towards you, specifically in your palms and feet.

“Look, buddy,” you hissed. “I’ve been dealing with a lot of crap leading up to this. I moved to a new city. I got goddamn electrocuted into a coma – ” At this point, Clark couldn’t help but notice thin streaks of static begin to make a beeline towards your eyes. Not promising, if his experience had told him so.

You gritted your teeth, increasingly glowing eyes narrowing. “Then! I wake up to these – these stupid, stupid powers! Powers I don’t have the first fucking clue of how to control. But do you see me running around, actively trying to kill people like every other goddamn psycho in this ‘city of tomorrow’? No! I’ve had to figure all this crap out on. My. Own.” The brights of your eyes increased, simultaneously illuminating the growing rage of your expression while also blinding Clark to being able to make it out in the first place.

At your feet, small currents began to sizzle against the crackling pavement. You were no longer trying to back away: You took a step forward, and it definitely made Clark feel worry.

“Could I have done it differently? Sure. Maybe. But don’t forget, Flyboy: I could’ve been so. Much. Worse!” Clark could hear the tingling rattle of lightbulbs struggling within the streetlights, trying to retain whatever power they could.

“I – ” But Clark was cut off.

“And you,” you growled, “have the audacity … To tell me to calm DOWN?!” In that moment, three things happened in the following order:

The first had been that your eyes, filled with so much fury, could no longer remain squinted; they widened, revealing themselves to be entirely white with pure energy at this point. The second thing appeared to be connected with the sudden snapping, due to it being how any lightbulb in a streetlight or artsy lamp within a three-block radius became overwhelmed – too overwhelmed to maintain proper form, in fact. They popped and shattered, leaving bits of glass to tumble to the streets below.

The third instance, however, had nothing to do with your powers: It was just Clark, getting a word in.

“I get it,” he said. Had there been any lightbulbs left, they might have shattered as well in sync with the snarl you gave the man.

“Quit lying!” you demanded. The wave of volts began to ripple all the more erratically. But Clark held his ground.

“I’m not lying,” he swore. He even placed one hand to his heart, the other upright. “Scout’s honor.” Unfortunately for him, the sincerity of a Boy Scout appeared to mean little to you. He went on, “I didn’t always have control of my powers. I didn’t have anyone to help me figure them out; I had to wing it!” You raised a bemused brow in reaction.

Okay … Clark thought. It’s … better than the glare, I guess? He swallowed. Dare to try one last time before things potentially get yucky?

“That’s, uh, actually why I’ve … come to find you,” he stated. “The friend? I swear he’s a good man. A little rough around the edges, but – ”

“You’re not helping your case,” you snapped.

“I’m a part of a sort of group, there’s people like you and me, and we think it’d be best if you joined – er, if you wanted to.”

“Ah. So, you want to basically make me into a weapon?”

“Nonononono, not that at all. I swear. It’s just – Look, even if you don’t want to join,” Clark bit his lip, “we could at least potentially find a way to help you get those powers under control so that you won’t keep breaking stuff.” A beat passed. “Well,” he shrugged, “it’s more like my friend will. He’s good with science and can definitely provide the right materials.”

To his credit, Clark did begin to notice an apparent lapse in the energy you were emitting. It was hard for the average eye to properly compute it but for him, the change was definitely there.

On your own end, you had to admit: The temptation was definitely lingering through his words. But then, perhaps you were just desperate and overwhelmed and looking for an out in this entire situation. But something still very much bothered you.

“How can I know I can trust you?” you asked, brow completely scrunched with uncertainty. The entire situation considered, it was still a bit of a shocker for one to not entirely trust the great and beloved Superman’s words. And, judging by his stumbling, it wasn’t a scenario he had been prepared to answer right on the spot.

“Uh – Becaaauussseee …” Another thing Clark had learned working with Lois and Perry Mason: The longer you stammer and search for answers, the less legit your word comes cross. His mind scrambled for something, anything that would win your favor over. But, in the end, there was only one thing that stood out. And, for the first time completely since landing in that alley, Clark felt just as nervous as you had.

“My … name …” He inhaled deeply, trying his best not to exhale chill winds. “My name … is Clark Kent. I work with The Daily Planet.”

You blinked. “… Pardon?” The voltage at your feet dampened.

Clark continued, “I’m a Kryptonian refugee, but I was raised here on Earth. The friend who sent me here is – ” He stopped himself short before deciding that Bruce could kick his ass about this later. “It’s Bruce Wayne.”

“Bruce Wayne?!” you interjected. Part of you wanted to call crap but the other part of you had to remember that the man in front of you was claiming to be a humanoid alien who worked at the local newspaper; who’s to say he really wasn’t acquainted with the rich guy across the bay? Judging by the hint of smile this Clark Kent guy let slip, you … honestly couldn’t bring yourself to really disbelieve him. The static at your fingertips dribbled into your palms before shrinking away.

“Yeah, uh … It’s a bit of a story,” Clark claimed, a bit of sheepishness in his voice.

The shift from mostly illuminated to just barely lit by the light of the moon was sudden and startling. But for Clark, it was a good thing. The ground immediately beneath you had been blackened by your doing, but you otherwise appeared perfectly fine, if a bit curious.

“Got proof?” you asked.

“I mean, I gave you my secret identity – that’s pretty trusting if I do say so myself,” Clark pointed out. As much as you hated to admit it, he had a point. And you were getting awfully tired. In fact …

In that moment, you had realized something: That was about the most power and damage you’d caused ever since getting these powers in one fell swoop. You were a little impressed. But you were also plenty concerned. Sure, you’d meant to be threatening in the moment, but the fact still remained: If the only other person around hadn’t been Superman, how easily could you have actually harmed another person in your moment of anger? The second you attempted to truly ponder it, a shudder threatened to ripple through your body; you did not enjoy considering those odds.

But how long until you got so pissed off that you pulled another one of those? How long until you actually did cause harm? That thought was even worse …

“Are you positive?” you mumbled, causing Clark to cock his head by an inch.

“I’m sorry?” he questioned.

You looked him dead in the eye and dared him to lie: “Are you positive you guys can, like, help me control my powers?” The smile he gave you alone would have been enough to convince you.

“We’ve trained with literal scientific anomalies and legends, Miss. I can assure you: You’re in good company with us.” The sweet, honey warmness of his voice did everything to calm the well of fear and guilt within you. It was more than enough.

“Okay,” you said with finality.

“Okay?”

“Mhm. Let’s do this.” Almost instantly, however, you raised your fingers to draw a point. “But I’m not fighting or anything. Just so we’re clear. I’m just coming along to get my groove in order, so tell your ‘friend’, Bruce Wayne, alright?”

The man didn’t even try to hide a chuckle at your stance. You were going to be just fine, he’d decided. And you? Well … the jury was still out on whether or not this was where your move to Metropolis would finally turn into a good, new thing.

[maquekenzie]

A D&D (5th Ed!) Character Survey!

Made because my WoD one doesn’t work well for D&D which is what I’m mostly playing now! I love doing these after I’ve played my character a few times as they let me develop them - and I love redoing them later to see how much they’ve changed. I imagined other people do too!

 The Sheet

What is your character's full name? Why did you choose it and does it have any special significance in or out of character?

Does your character have any nicknames or alternate names they go by? How did they get them?

What race is your character? How/Why did you choose it for them? Was it just for stats reasons - or was it because of the back story you had in mind? Explain it to us!

What class(es) is/are your character? How did they come to be that?

If you had to sum up your character in five words or less, how would you do it?

List your characters attributes, and then head over here and copy paste what each level corresponds to. 

Now, looking at above - would you say that matches how you think of your character in your head? Why did you choose to make your character's lowest stat their lowest stat?

List what skills your character has proficiency and expertise in. How did they gain proficiency/expertise in these skills? I don't mean like "I dunno, I chose them," they had to develop them at some point through their life, right? As an example: if they have arcana proficient - did they study with a wizard? Were they having to work with a lot of magical items?

What is your character's alignment? Why did you choose it? Head here and copy paste the description of your character's alignment. Does it sound fitting?

Before we continue on: have all these things always been the same for your character? Has their race ever changed due to a reincarnation spell? Did they always intend to multiclass? Have you altered their alignment? Don't explain thoroughly yet - just say yes/no, and if yes, note what changed, but not why.

Describe the realm in which your character's game takes place. Are you playing in a pre-made world like Faerun, is it homemade by your DM, etc. What's the area like? How’d your character get to where they are now?

Brawny or Scrawny

So earlier, you talked about your character's race. In D&D, races can age and die fast (half-orcs generally only last 50-60 years) while some last forever (elves can live centuries.) You can see the general age range of races here. So how old is your character? Do they look older or younger than their age? How do you indicate their age?

What gender does your character identify as?

How tall is your character? Is this tall or short for their race?

Describe your character's body type - slender, overweight, gangly, stubby-limbed, pear-shaped, stocky, etc.

Describe your character walking in three totally different locales: First, describe them walking in a place they feel comfortable and safe. Second, describe how they walk through a dungeon laced with traps. Third, describe them walking in a place where they feel extremely out of place - say a druid who hates cities in the middle of a city at a party, or a rogue who hates spotlight walking across a stage.

What's your character's skin color and general appearance otherwise - example: blotchy, ashy, covered in boils, etc?

What's your character's hair color/style/general appearance? If they vary it, give us some examples of styles.

What color are your character's eyes?  Do their eyes stand out in any special way (for the sorcerers out there!)?

Describe your character as purple prosey as possible - as if someone who considers them the love of their life has just spotted them across a room and is writing it in a romance novel.

Look, in D&D, most races don't stand out - like sure, dragonborn and tiefling are rare in most games, but people are still used to them so they don't cast a second glance. Thus: what is your character's most distinguishing feature, basic "well I'm an X!" aside? What’s the first thing someone notices about them?

Does your character have any scars, tattoos, or birthmarks? Describe ‘em, as well as how/why they got them.

Describe your characters general clothing style. What do they wear when relaxing and not on an adventure? What do they wear on an adventure? See if you can find some outfit examples.

What weapons does your character carry? Please note for our magic users, this means your arcane foci and pouches too!

Does your character have any magic items? What are they? What do they do?

Does your character have any other accessories they commonly wear?

Describe your character’s voice - what’s the tenor, is it scratchy like they smoke nine packs a day, do they have any specific accent? It's a fantasy world, sure, but that doesn't mean you can't add an accent. Also on that note - does it ever change? Example: some people have a customer service voice where things are suddenly peppy and bouncy.

Friends, Families, and the Jerks You Travel With

You're born to a family whether you love them or hate them - in most cases, anyway. In D&D you can have all sorts of starts to your life. What did your character’s family consist of as they grew older - and are they still around now? Describe each family member - or if they were orphaned, the people at the orphanage, or if they were adopted, that. Does your character miss them - hate them - love them - want to avoid them? Describe your character's relationship to them.

Who's in your character's party, and what are their real, honest opinions of them? If you're in a West Marches style D&D game - where you have a much larger group of 10+ and you travel on an adventure with whoever you can gather each week - just choose the characters who would make the ideal party for your PC here.

Are there any NPCs (Non-Player-Characters - those people the DM plays) who aren't part of the aforementioned party your character is attached to? What does your PC think of them, and why are they close?

Got any other - maybe not friends, but positive relationships aside from the aforementioned? What's your relationship with them?

All righty - in a D&D game you ALWAYS have monsters to fight - but who's the big bad, if you have one? Why does your character want to put a stop to them? Are there any smaller villains in your campaign your character wants to put a stop to?

So you may have mentioned a love interest or two before this point - if so, describe a little more about your character's relationship with this/these person(s), and how they became love interest(s). Does your character have any crushes outside of their love interest(s)? Why?

The Past

We know where your character's game takes place. Is this the same place they grew up - or some place they came more recently? What do they love or hate about it?

Does your character have any notable family history they have to live up to, or an infamous ancestor, or some sort of ancient legacy they have to take the mantle up on? Have they been gifted any sort of destiny super quest from their god of choice? Basically - has something extremely notable happened to set up your character? Are they going to follow it - or try to subvert it? If they don't have one - do they wish they did?

What was your character's childhood like? Was it traumatic - or happy? Pick three memories from their childhood and describe them in a paragraph - try to vary them.At least one happy and one sad. The third should lean toward how their childhood was - that is, if traumatic, make it sad, etc.

D&D games aren't rife with proper schooling, but there are mage colleges and towers and some countries have schooling - so what was your character's education like?   How were they in school, how much school did they complete? I don’t even just mean the academic side here, I mean, the social side. What were their cliques (as much as you can compare them to Modern Teen Movies, anyway), their stereotypes, etc.

What’s your characters vocational life like? Have they worked a bunch of jobs, or just one - did they intern? What’s their dream job, did they ever get fired, etc. Are they too young to have had a job?

I'm presuming you've been on this adventure for at least a little bit at this point. Let's go back to your party members. List each one, and then a short line referencing a memory or scene that cemented your character's relationship with that character - or a moment that defined their relationship. For instance, say your relationship with Horb the Half-Orc was fine - but you became friends once when he approached you while you were losing at cards and he subtly stood behind a guy and made him nervous, helping you win. Etc.

What have been your character's two happiest moments on the adventure?

What have been the two most traumatic moments on the adventure for your character?

What are two moments that had you - the player - laughing aloud during the adventure? Equally, have you ever cried? Was it at the traumatic moments - or something else?

So - earlier I asked if things on your character's sheet had always been the way they are now. Not counting feats/basic mechanical upgrades that changed things - what happened that caused your character to change? If they changed alignment, why? If they changed race, gender - what happened? Why did they multiclass?

What's Inside Your Heart

Give me six words that describe your character. Three positive, three negative. Adjectives or nouns work. Make sure your negatives are actually negatives. "Too nice :)" isn't a negative. Don't try to explain away anything. Just state it, leave it. Don't include "sort ofs." Sort ofs are BORING.

What's your character's sexual orientation? Romantic orientation? What is your character into romantically (by which I mean - what do they want out of a date and a relationship)? Do they have a TYPE?

How has your character changed over the course of the adventure? Have they changed a lot, or more remained the same?

Beyond the adventure: what are your characters dreams or ambitions?  After all is said and done, what sort of life does your character want to live?

Player, what are your goals for the character? These don't have to match the above - they can just be torture for your character to have to deal with. Are there any specific moments you want your character to have? This can be as general or as specific as you'd like - from "I want Jolly the Dwarven Barbarian to encounter his ex-husband and find out that his husband joined the Crusading Knights which sends Jolly into a spiral to join the villain's side and lead an army of wights! - to "I want a scene where my character meets the tsundere NPC and they have an angsty talk that results in them CRUSHING HARD."

What do you think your character's biggest strength is?

What do you think the others in your character's party would say their biggest strength is? Feel free to ask your party members to answer for you! It may surprise you.

What do you think your character's biggest flaw is?

What do you think the others in your character's party would say their biggest flaw is? Feel free to ask your party members to answer for you! It may surprise you.

Has your character's strength or weakness been defined in any particular scenes? Tell us about them!

Does your character believe in a higher power of any sort, or have any sort of specific belief or code they follow? Describe ‘em and how they feel about them.

Your character is in D&D so they've killed before. That said - what does your character find morally unjust? What kind of murder would they never commit - or would they kill without a care?

What’s your character’s view of authority? Do they not mind it? Do they follow orders? Do they want to be on top and panic at the sheer idea of anyone having status over them?

Does your character have any habits that someone may not notice at first blush?

How does your character react to being made fun of - or, less specifically, to failure in general? How would your character feel if they worked hard at something and it failed? I mean, obviously shitty, but any specific actions? Do they accept it, get defeated - etc.

Hey, I’m a lyrics dweeb, what’s up with you? Pick six songs with lyrics - link them and quote those lyrics, and then note why you think that song really suits your character be it for personality, their history, their general feelings…Feel free to point out specific lyrics or musical moments.

What would you say your character’s comfort zone is - that is, how do they feel with touching and physical affection, how do they feel with more squeamish matters like talking about periods or committing violence, etc.

What role does your character fill within their group - if they have one? If you need help here, check out the five-man band trope on TV tropes. But in general, how do they feel about this role, and what do they have to do to maintain it, and is there someone in the group who’d be better at it? Are they envious of anyone else’s skills?

Stupid Quizzes!

Take these as your character! First is the question, second is the quiz link, THEN your answer. Add as many as you like - I like to do ones about “What element is your character?” and “What Sailor Moon character are you?” etc - but I try to keep it short cause most people I know who actually use this  prefer fewer.

What Hogwarts house is your character? Do you think the one you got fits - or were you surprised? CLICK HERE

What D&D character would you be? Does the class match your class? CLICK HERE

What D&D alignment are you? Does the alignment match yours? CLICK HERE

What’s your character’s Myers-Briggs personality type? CLICK HERE

What is your daemon? (at the end of the first quiz, it will link to a second quiz that will make it more specific - don’t miss it!) CLICK HERE 

[lvtvr]

hey, i just wanted to. like. talk to someone? and you seem really nice ;-; i feel like sk relationship is going to go in a direction i won't like and that makes me uncomfortable (i.e romantic). i don't mind people shipping it but in the actual show it makes me very uncomfortable, is it bad that i'll feel disappointed if it happens? i'll live because it's a show lol but i can't help but feel like i'll be disappointed about that if it becomes true

“i’ll live because it’s a show but i’ll be disappointed” A PERSON BEING RATIONAL? ON MY TUMBLR? IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK... bless ur soul friend...

dgsjdgsdlgk jokes aside pal, you’re not alone in this!! i used to be fine w sk (and i still am totally okay with people shipping it) but after canon established certain things about their relationship i’m not really comfortable thinking about them together that way anymore. with that said, i truly do not think it’s being set up to be canon. part of the sk fandom has developed a weird, obsessive conviction that their ship will go canon, similar to That part of the kl fandom, so a lot of the content floating around tumblr is deliberately cherrypicked to make the framing seem romantic when it’s really, really not. not saying you can’t read romance into it -- they’ve got chemistry for sure -- but objectively, it’s just not in the cards.

here’s some reassurance for u why sk will Not go canon!

voltron is a show for kids aged 7 and up, which means there are themes that would be acceptable in a show for adults that are simply too mature for this material deal with. romantic sk would deal with a LOT of such themes.

for instance, shiro has been shown onscreen in an instructor/teaching position to a class keith was in, and has continued being a mentor/guiding light to keith even in current canon. while there are tons of YA novels and stuff where older teens get it on with their teachers/authority figures, it’s, um, not very common for the younger demographic. (inb4 “keith’s the leader now not shiro so he’s not an authority figure anymore”: take your navel gazing technicalities elsewhere and use some common sense bls.)

keith has referred to shiro as being “like a brother to me” and said “you’re my brother, i love you” (bc yes, people do in fact say "i love you" every day and mean it platonically, regardless of what the fandom tries to tell you -- “i love you” is not romantically coded lol wtf). while i absolutely do not condone shoving these lines in shippers’ faces to make them feel bad about their ship, they’re still explicit canon. we haven’t been shown anything that indicates keith’s saying it to deny his feelings in some way. like, by the time katara said aang was like a brother to her, aang had been shown to have a crush on her from day one. the set up is entirely different.

going off both the above points, krolia also thanked shiro for helping raise keith. now, obviously, shiro didn’t rear him from the time he was a baby, but he was the adult figure in keith’s life during his adolescence and formative years. i believe i’ve also seen word of god that confirms this. a young twenty-something seems very adult to a preteen/young teen. sending the message that the trusted adults around you will end up as your romantic partner one day is... probably not something the show intends to do.

voltron is a MAINSTREAM kids’ show. the mainstream is not tumblr. it does not -- and often cannot -- correspond to tumblr levels of progressiveness. the crew had to fight to get shiro confirmed mlm. they’ve mentioned they had to be adamant, no pun intended, to make sure adam was acknowledged as shiro’s boyfriend and not just his “roommate”. making one main character mlm is already a HUGE step. two characters would be nearly unheard of -- especially two members of the main cast in a relationship with each other. like, don’t get me wrong: i want to live in the world where we can have that. but we aren’t there yet. we just aren’t.

which btw is why NO gay ships between any paladins will be canon. any same-sex romance will be between a paladin and a side character, as we’ve seen with adam. and THAT’S the tea.

i hope that could help put your mind at ease!! now let’s hype s7, ship whatever we want, and remember that it’s just a show. have a great day <3

[bog-o-bones]

Kaiju Forecast - 2018

The new year is quickly approaching us and kaiju fans certainly will have their plates full next year. Here’s a list of some of the major movies, events, merchandise and more to look forward to in the coming year!

Movies

Obviously the main tent-pole film of the year will be Legendary’s Pacific Rim: Uprising due out on March 23rd. The sequel to arguably the forefather of the New Kaiju Boom has seen plenty of ups and downs during it’s development, including a terrifying “indefinite hiatus” stamp placed upon the film in late 2015. Thankfully, the film has marched on through production and features the return of fan favorite characters from the first film as well as a new team of Jaeger pilots, led by Star Wars and Attack The Block’s John Boyega. Although a few trailers and promotional ads have been released, kaiju groupies can probably expect a surge in marketing around February.

Second banana (no pun intended) to Uprising is New Line’s Rampage loosely based on the popular city-crushing game franchise. Another film that’s spent time in Development Hell, Rampage stars perennial popcorn flick favorite Dwayne Johnson and will be unleashed April 20th to theaters everywhere.

One can’t forget about the King of the Monsters either. The second installment in the anime trilogy will make landfall in Japan on May 5th, titled Godzilla: The City Mechanized for the Final Battle (whew). Initial details remain scarce bar the inclusion of Mechagodzilla (who can be seen in the poster above). International fans may also get the chance to view the first installment in the series on Netflix, although no details for that are available either, aside from a continuously fluctuating date on the film’s Netflix Instant listing.

Tsuburaya’s latest entry in the Ultraman franchise will be seeing it’s traditional theatrical film in the form of Ultraman Geed: The Movie. Abroad fans of the show will most likely have to wait for a fansub service to translate the film in order to see it, but it may also be subject to a small theatrical screening like it’s predecessors Ultraman Ginga S: The Movie and Ultraman X: The Movie, although those were released to coincide with the Ultra series’ 50th anniversary. Never give up hope, though!

Of course, one can’t also forget about the ever-so-secretive Cloverfield franchise, which supposedly launches it’s third film in the semi-anthology series on February 2nd. Tentatively titled God Particle, the film has been pushed back three times from its initial October 2017 release date, leaving some to speculate if it is even going to come out at all. The Cloverfield franchise is noted for its heavy use of alternate-reality games for its marketing, but God Particle has seen effectively nothing so far, even when we’re less than three months away from release. Only time will tell, however.

Not necessarily a kaiju film, but it does feature the 8th Wonder of the World and may or may not feature Ultraman and the third incarnation of Mechagodzilla, Based on a thoroughly bland and tasteless early teen novel, Ready Player One is basically this generation’s Who Framed Roger Rabbit only for “geek culture” (hard gag) and...you know, bad. Kaiju fans will most likely want to wait for the YouTube compilation of all the references instead of wasting $9.00+ on a movie ticket to see some giant monster action.

Also supposedly on the docket is a film adaption of the above novel, Steve Alten’s Meg which features a surviving prehistoric Megalodon terrorizing some form of human society (you can tell I’ve read the book, can’t you?). Yet another film stuck in development hell, although the production for this film is at least two decades old. Supposedly principal photography has been completed on this film, but who the hell knows.

Television

While Tsuburaya is most definitely working on the next main installment of the Ultra series, a short series in the style of Ultraman Retsuden or Ultraman Zero: The Chronicle will be aired starting January 6th. Ultraman Orb: The Chronicle follows the history of the titular Ultra’s alter ego Gai Kurenai. Unlikely to be picked up by Crunchyroll like it’s original show, Ultra Fans will most likely want to stalk fansub sites to view this series.

Another of Tsuburaya’s toku heroes will see an animated revival next year with Studio Trigger’s Gridman anime based on a short shown at the Japan Animator Expo in 2015. Titled SSSS Gridman, named after the original show’s Americanization Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad, the show will be released in the Autumn of 2018. Also related to Gridman, the original show is being broadcasted to nearly-impossible-to-document-channel Toku starting this December.

Aside from Ultraman and Gridman, I don’t know of any other kaiju-related television shows happening next year, so to not leave this section sparse, I should probably mention Kamen Rider Build, which while technically not kaiju based or a 2018 release, is tokusatsu-related and will be continuing into the new year. I know nothing aside from the basics of Kamen Rider, but according to the wiki it will be the last Rider show to be fully broadcasted during the Heisei era, as the next series will run into 2019 when Emperor Akihito will abdicate the throne to his son Prince Naruhito, thus beginning a new era of Japan.

Events

It would be heresy to discuss kaiju-related events and not bring up the quintessential annual kaiju con G-FEST! Next year’s convention looks to be an absolute banger and the entire guest list and schedule hasn’t even been announced yet! In attendance next year are Akira Takarada, best known for his role as Ogata in the original 1954 Godzilla film as well as his other roles throughout Toho’s library. Joining him will be Megumi Odaka, known as Miki Saegusa in the Heisei Godzilla series. This is her first G-FEST in over fifteen years, having attended back in 2000. Fans will most definitely not want to miss this event! G-FEST 2018 will be held July 13th - July 16th at the Crowne Plaza Chicago O’Hare in Rosemont, IL.

San Diego Comic Con has always been the number one hotspot for pop culture news every year, and 2018′s convention is definitely one kaiju fans want to keep their eyes peeled to. The highly anticipated sequel to Legendary’s Godzilla reboot has wrapped filming and it’s extremely likely that the film will have some sort of presence at next year’s SDCC. Whether this means a panel with the cast and crew or a trailer is anyone’s guess, but considering it’s the last major convention before the film’s release (with the possible exception of New York Comic Con in October), it’d be insane of Legendary not to promote the film here. San Diego Comic Con will take place July 19th - July 22nd at the San Diego Convention Center.

On a slightly smaller note, Monsterama is a convention in the Atlanta, GA area that seems like your average horror/monster fan convention. Of special note on the guest list to kaiju fans is Matt Greenfield, former president of ADV Films and current president of Kraken Releasing. Both companies are notable for releasing many kaiju films to DVD & Blu-Ray in the west. Kraken’s latest tokusatsu releases include The Return of Godzilla on Region 1 disc for the first time, and Garo, the creation of character and monster designer Keita Amemiya. Fans will want to keep their ears open for this convention as new information regarding possible new releases from the company could be revealed.

Merchandise

The S.H. MonsterArts line continues releasing highly-articulated and accurate representations of characters from the Godzilla franchise, including the first non-Godzilla Showa character in the form of Mechagodzilla. Reissues of the infamous Shin Godzilla figure and the sought-after SpaceGodzilla and Little Godzilla are also in the pipeline. And of course, the highly anticipated release of the 2002/2003 KiryuGoji design as well. Mechagodzilla has been licensed by BlueFin to see a stateside release, but the others will remain Japanese exclusives.

Continuing the theme of super-articulated figures, the S.H. Figuarts line will be seeing a surge of Ultra-related figures next year. On the docket are too many figures to list (see the Ultraman Wiki article) but of special note are the kaiju Antlar, Pandon, Twin Tail and Gudon (seen above). No release dates for any of the kaiju have been revealed, but it’s very likely these monsters will see release in the coming year.

In the world of vinyl figures, chances are Bandai will produce figures for the Godzilla anime sequel, but of special note are new releases in the Movie Monster Series line for 2003 Kiryu and Biollante! This marks the first vinyl figure of Biollante since the original 1990′s deluxe-sized figure. Despite the lack of pictures, the low price of only 1500 yen means collectors will not want to miss out on this one.

Pacific Rim Uprising continues to dominate off the screen with a highly anticipated line of figures from Bandai’s Robot Spirits line. All six of the film’s main Jaegers will be released for less than $40 each (and imported to America via BlueFin) and are easily available for pre-order from mainstream sites like Amazon and BigBadToyStore. Tamashii also plans to release an expensive yet extraordinarily accurate Gipsy Danger figure through its Soul of Chogokin line as well as vinyl representations of the kaiju enemies in the newly revitalized Sofubi Spirits line.

Alternatively, Diamond Select Toys is putting out their own line of Pacific Rim Uprising figures of the Jaegers and the kaiju. These figures appear to be more in-tune with what NECA released for the first film, so those who want similarly scaled figures have that option. DST is also releasing articulated kaiju, for those who aren’t satisfied with Bandai’s vinyl offerings.

Continuing with American companies, NECA has been hard at work sculpting new figures for their Classic Godzilla line. Nothing new has been revealed yet and information is reportedly coming at ToyFair in February, although NECA is notorious for not keeping their word on reveals for their non-80′s properties. Part of this has to do with Toho’s infamously strict licensing policies which resulted in NECA being only allowed to do Godzilla suits in their line as opposed to supporting monsters as well. NECA also revealed that they do not have the rights to create figures based on the 2019 designs of Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah leaving the likely scenario being similar to Pacific Rim Uprising’s toys, with Bandai doing S.H. MonsterArts figures of the three kaiju to be distributed in America via BlueFin.

In late 2017, Criterion secured the streaming rights to fourteen Showa Godzilla films, comprised of the films Classic Media released in their Toho Master Collection, Media Blasters’ two-film library of Destroy All Monsters and Godzilla vs. Megalon, and the out-of-print Son of Godzilla and Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974). The films are currently available for streaming on the FilmStruck service, but Criterion has implied that they are interested in a physical release sometime in the future. Nothing concrete has been revealed yet, so fans will want to keep an eye on Criterion’s monthly Future Releases updates to see if any of these films make the cut.

Finally, kaiju artist and fan extraordinare Matt Frank is drawing an officially licensed Redman manga! From the previews shown, it appears to be taking on more of a dark tone than the original show. No word on a US release yet (although it’s likely copies will be offered at his G-FEST Artist Alley table).

With each passing year, the kaiju fandom grows bigger and bigger and more and more kaiju-related media is being released every month. It’s truly a new age for the genre and definitely the best time to be a fan. Here’s to a happy 2018!

[anythingstephenking]

Out of Order with Under The Dome

It seems like a lifetime ago that I cracked the spine on Carrie and started this silly journey to read King chronologically. King Khongraphical kinda sounds like a lost Kardashian sister.

In reality, I read Carrie exactly 5 years ago. Somehow reading 54 King books in 5 years simultaneously makes me feel like a failure and a winner all at once. Impressive? Sure (?) Still pretty lame that I have ~20 books left to read. For sure.

Things that have got in my way:

-Bachman

-Short Story collections

-Nightmares about clowns

-Global pandemics

But I did read all 50-some-odd books as intended; in exact order of publishing date. I finished each and every one of them, even when I was sick of nazis, child abuse, school shootings or cocaine aliens.

Until now. Boo!

Anywho, technically next on my list is Just After Sunset, a collection of short stories, but I just. can’t. finish. it.

Throughout the pandemic I have driven from Tennessee to Minnesota twice to see my family. There’s only so much Taylor Swift one can listen to in the car, and 28 hour round trips called for a King intervention. So I picked up the Under The Dome audiobook and went back to Maine. I promise (to myself) I will finish up JAS before I get to my next read (and one of my true favorites), 11/22/63.

Ok, Under The Dome. Let’s do it y’all!

I read this book in high school and my lingering memory from then is one of frustration over the source of the dome being aliens. Turns out high school me (who also thought Holden Caulfield was the epitome of cool) was not a reliable narrator, because this book is certified rad.

It really has everything that folks love about King - Maine, lots of fun characters, a little love story, some cool kiddos, drugs, a hero, a villain. The only thing it’s really missing is a spooky house, but I guess the dome can count.

The premise is simple, if complex town-shaped invisible domes that can’t be penetrated can be considered simple. Our hero, Dale Barbara, is leaving on “Dome Day” but doesn’t make it out in time cause some hottie blonde in a pickup truck doesn’t stop for him on the road. Thems the breaks, Barbie. He is also, per King-hero usual, haunted by demons. But this time around, our hero is a short order cook, not an author. Steve’s really stretching here. Our villain is James “Big Jim” Rennie, a sleazy used car salesman (lol) and also a drug kingpin? He’s operating the country’s largest meth cookhouse, somehow in Maine, because that definitely makes sense? Why not.

What transpires is a pretty fun and epic ride through the initial dome discovery (planes crashing, chipmunks cut in half), subsequent WTF reactions of everyone in Chester’s Mill, an immense power struggle between the goodies and the baddies, meth, explosions, and at the end of the day, a whole lot of people deadzo.

So yeah, the dome is placed by alien children playing some fucked up game of RISK in their alien bedrooms ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ At the end of the day it’s not super important, as with all stories such as this one, the real bad guys are the humans, not the alien kiddos. If you’ve ever watched The Walking Dead, you get it.

Julia Shumway serves as our female lead, and King doesn’t really give her much to work with, but she does get to be a writer, so good for her! To Julia’s credit, she is the one that uses her female powers of empathy to appeal to said alien children and get them to take down the dome. Too bad like everyone else is dead by then. A+ for effort!

All jokes aside, this was a great story start to finish, and was a wonderful jump back into the King pond after almost a year away. There’s a lot to chew on with this one, a a true quintessential King. Kuintessential King Kardashian anyone?

I’m not much for audiobooks, but I felt for the guy reading this one. How do you come up with enough inflections and voices for all these characters? God bless him. I am genuinely curious how long it took him to record the 34 hours of audio and how much he got paid.

King had the idea for a novel about how humans would handle being cut off from society back in the 70s, and revisited the idea in an unpublished work called The Cannibals in the 80s, about folks trapped in an apartment building that, I’d guess, decide to start eating each other. Eventually the idea evolved into Under The Dome. In an interview, King said he was inspired by the Bush-Cheney dynamics of a post 9/11 America, with the guy who was really in charge (Georgie Bushie, played by Andy Sanders in the novel) as an incompetent buffoon. It’s worth noting that Andy Sanders eventually ends up hooked on meth and conspires to help explode the town and kill most everyone. Then you’ve got Dick Cheney (aka Big Jim Rennie) pulling all the strings, picking all the fights, taking all the power, murdering, and generally being a bad guy. So in case you’re wondering if King was a fan of the Bush years, I’d go ahead and say, uh, no, no he was not.

9/10

First Line: From two thousand feet, where Claudette Sanders was taking a flying lesson, the town of Chester’s Mill gleamed in the morning light like something freshly made and just set down.

Last Line: Pity was not love, Barbie reflected… but if you were a child, giving clothes to someone who was naked had to be a step in the right direction.

Adaptations:

Oh CBS. Please stop buying the rights to King adaptations. I will say I was not singing the praises of how they handled The Stand. But that’s a rant for another day.

This show ran for THREE seasons. I watched the premiere when it aired (they really went for the drama with the whole cut-a-cow-in-half thing, I’ll give them that) and revisited the finale for fun after I finished the book. I may have found the time to rewatch all of LOST but I am definitely not taking the time to watch three full seasons of Under the Dome. First of all, Barbie is a murderer? And he killed Julia Shumway’s husband?? WTF is that all about? Barbie is our hero. Fuck off CBS.

But we do get Dean Norris, aka Uncle Hank, in some superb casting as Big Jim Renny.

THEY’RE MINERALS MARIE!

I guess there was some alien mind control, some magical amethysts, and a lot of liberties taken from the source material on the show. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than an ambiguous ending on a cancelled show. Did the writers leave hopeful that someone would be so impressed by this that they’d pick the show back up for a 4th season?

Meanwhile, catty Stephen throwing shade on Twitter is always my favorite.

[chocobroobsession]

Just a Taste

Author’s Note: In honor of Friday the 13th and the Halloween season, I give you, Vampire!Ignis! I know, I’m not the first to think of it, nor will I be the last, but this is just my smutty take on it. Vampires are my favorite mythical creatures, after all, and Ignis is my favorite chocobro, so it was inevitable. Think of this as a Monster AU. There are mentions of the other guys as well, along with what creatures they are..but it’s mainly a vampire!Ignis x fem!reader fic. Word count: 8930. BTW, I guess a trigger warning would be blood? Not blood play, just...vampire feeding, I guess...

You hadn’t seen Ignis Scientia in months. One day he was at work, and the next day he wasn’t. Your boss explained that Prince Noctis had some urgent business to attend to outside of Insomnia and his advisor, shield, and best friend were to accompany him. No one was sure just how long the group would be absent, but the King of Lucis was adamant that the Prince was well taken care of and that the business they had was important and that they would all return safely in time. As suspicious as it seemed, you had no reason to question your king, and so you had no choice but to move forward.

You had worked in the Citadel since graduation. You were one of the junior members of the Council, training up to be a full-fledged member in a few years. This meant that you crossed paths with the Prince’s advisor quite often, seeing as how he attended most Council meetings in his charge’s place. You had initially just exchanged pleasantries, but eventually, the two of you struck up a friendship. Ignis was intelligent, handsome, and witty, but most only saw him as the stoic glorified nanny to Prince Noctis. You, however, always knew better. He easily (and most likely unintentionally) charmed you with his intellect and humor, and you counted yourself one of the few to be on the receiving end of his heart-melting smiles. And his eyes…oh, Astrals, his eyes! Those emerald pools could drown you with one look, but the way they reflected such joy when he spoke to you or smiled at you…you were a goner.

Ignis kept his private life, well, private, and so you never knew if he actually already had a significant other, but that didn’t stop you from dreaming that one day you could be lucky enough to be on the receiving end of his affections. Just when you had finally worked up the nerve to confess your feelings to him, he vanished. All courage went down the drain then, and heartbroken, you resumed your normal life of work, dreaming of the day you would see Ignis again, hoping that you’d have the chance to try again.

So when he randomly showed up at your door one night, you couldn’t help but be completely shocked and totally smitten with him all over again. You had been curled up on your couch, engrossed in a fantasy novel when the doorbell chimed. One look at the clock on the wall to your left told you this was no ordinary visitor. No one, salesperson, chocobo scout, or friend dropping by your part of town, would ever show up at such a late hour. You cautiously snuck to the doorway to peer through the peephole. You could barely make out a tall, lanky shape standing just on the edge of the light cast out by your porch light. Your hand automatically reached for the baseball bat you had propped up against your umbrella stand. You hadn’t played ball in years, but your dad had always suggested you keep it handy in case of an unwanted visitor. The door stayed locked whether you were home or away, so you knew this visitor couldn’t easily force their way in. You hesitantly called out, “Who’s there?”

You saw the visitor flinch at the sound of your voice. “Y/N?” they questioned, before quickly clamping a hand over their mouth. Before they could turn to go, you quickly unlatched the door and threw it open. You knew that voice instantly and all fears were cast aside the moment it pricked your ears. “Ignis!?”

He froze. He had been in the process of turning around, as if to flee quickly before you stopped him dead in his tracks. You couldn’t believe it. It had been months since you saw him, and yet here he stood at your very door. You let your excitement cloud your sense of judgment initially before reason finally caught up to you. You had started to step across the threshold, one arm outstretched towards the man when you stopped. “Wait. Ignis, why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be away on business with Prince Noctis? Or did you just come back?” So many questions swam around in your mind as you gaped at the man hidden in the shadows. It finally hit you that something was off about him, and fear gripped you, causing your flesh to break out into goose bumps and the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end. Something about this situation was very, very wrong.

Ignis remained in the shadows, but turned his body to face you. You could make out his face, but only just so. It was definitely him, but something seemed different, though you weren’t sure how. He was dressed in his typical black pants, boots, and purple dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His usual driving gloves were absent, and you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring the veins and muscles in his hands and forearms as he brought one hand up to rub at his forehead.

“Y/N, I apologize. I thought this house belonged to someone else. I’m so sorry I disturbed you. I’ll just be on my way,” he wearily explained before turning away from you once more.

“Wait!” You lunged at him then, ignoring every red flag that your brain threw at you, and wrapped your fingers around his wrist. Though you had never really touched him before, any accidental brushes or bumps against him were always warm and welcomed. His wrist, however, was like ice despite the hot summer night. You gasped and quickly released your grip, taking a step back into the light of your porch. Something wasn’t right. “Ignis, what’s wrong? What happened to you? Why are you here?” Your heart was racing. Adrenaline was commanding you to run back in the house but something else was keeping you rooted to the spot. Was that curiosity or just plain stupidity? You weren’t really sure at the moment, but you were confused. You were in love with this man, but why should he suddenly be here, right in front of you?

Ignis hesitated; he considered fleeing as he originally intended once he realized gravity of the situation he had accidentally put himself in, but he had always cared about you, and even though your wellbeing depended on him leaving, he didn’t want it to end like this. He felt he owed you a bit of an explanation.  He sighed and angled towards you yet again. Gods, you were still as beautiful as he remembered. You hadn’t changed at all in the months he had been away. Even standing there, unsure of yourself, questions swimming in your eyes, clad in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, you were as radiant as ever and it killed him to think about what he was almost willing to do to you. There was no way he was going to subject you to that, now that he realized this was your residence. It was one thing to do this to a complete stranger. There was no way he would go through with this with someone he knew, especially someone he had been pining after. Remaining in the shadows, he inhaled deeply before asking, “How long have you resided in this house? As I seem to recall, you had an apartment closer to the Citadel, did you not?”

Right. You just moved in a month ago. It was silly of you to think that he was here specifically to visit you. He was gone before you even got the house. He had no way of knowing. “Yeah, I did, but when my aunt passed away nearly two months ago, she left me her house. I’ve only been here about a month. But she had lived here for years. Did you plan on visiting her? She was a florist…what business would you or the Prince, for that matter, have with a simple florist?”

Ignis knew there was no way he would be able to truly talk his way out of this. You were too sharp. That and he didn’t relish the thought of having to lie to you or manipulate your mind. He was up to his armpits in secrets these days, and frankly he was sick of it all. Conflicted as he was, perhaps he could be honest with you without you laughing in his face or trying to murder him. He knew your father had insisted you keep a baseball bat by the door for your safety, and though it wouldn’t do much good to beat him with it, he didn’t particularly want to be bludgeoned that night. Throwing all caution to the wind, he decided to give you a taste of the truth.

“Truth be told, Y/N, I didn’t know who’s house this was. I was in need of something and this was the first house I happened to come across. I offer my condolences, by the way. As I recall, you always spoke highly of your aunt and the two of you were very close. She was still rather young, however, wasn’t she?” He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he saw you last, but being in your presence was relaxing. He had missed you—your smile, the sound of your voice, the way you always stood with one hip pushed out to the side, your arms folded across your chest like you had an attitude. He wanted to draw this conversation out as long as possible before arriving at the inevitable.

You looked away, suddenly filled with emotion. You hastily wiped a stray tear away before answering. “Yeah, my aunt was my best friend. She found out she had cancer. The doctors did everything they could, but it was already at such an advanced stage when she found out. She never married nor had any kids, so she willed everything to me. I spent so much time over here growing up, I couldn’t part with it, and so I moved in. At least she’s not in pain anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Ignis whispered. He wanted so badly to hold you, but he didn’t want to tempt himself, especially when he was so thirsty. He couldn’t bare it if he lost control for one moment.

You were temporarily distracted by memories of your aunt, but you realized something about Ignis’s story didn’t make sense. “Wait, you said you were in need of something. Ignis, are you in trouble? Can I help you? Why don’t you just come—“

“No!” he practically yelled. You flinched at his outburst. You had started to invite him in, but that was the last thing he needed. It would be all too tempting to give into his thirst in such a confined space with you. Ignis cleared his throat and spoke softly this time. “That won’t be necessary. I do not wish to intrude, especially at such a late hour. My problem will resolve itself in due time. I made an error in coming here tonight and as much as I would love to stay and catch up, I really must be going.” He was having second thoughts. There was no way he could confide in you. He cared too much about you and his thirst was growing by the minute. This whole night had been nothing but one blunder after another.

Something was definitely off. Ignis had always had an accent unlike any others you had heard, and you were easily wooed by his voice. The more he talked, however, the more it sounded like he had something in his mouth, interfering with his speech slightly. And the whole time the two of you had been standing outside, he had kept his face in the shadows, as if he was trying to conceal himself from you. Your imagination was running out of control, and yet, your flight or fight instincts were kicking in. But this was Ignis Scientia. The most brilliant man you had ever encountered. The Prince’s advisor and friend. A master strategist. What did you have to fear?

You took a step back, completely bathed in the yellow glow radiating from your porch. “Step into the light,” you dared him. Surely your mind was playing tricks on you.

As much as Ignis hated himself, he couldn’t just walk away from you. Obeying your command, he stepped forward, allowing the condemning light to wash over him as he looked you dead in the eye. You gasped aloud, taking another step backwards towards your house. He looked the same as he always did, only somehow paler, as if he hadn’t seen the sun in the entire time he was away. The green eyes you were so in love with were absent, and instead eyes black as obsidian stared back at you. He possessed hungry eyes, but not hungry with lust—the true hunger of a predator. “Ignis?”

“I told you this was a mistake,” he whispered. As he spoke, you caught a glimpse of his teeth. Fangs were present where his canine teeth used to be. This was impossible. You were tired. You had been reading a lot of fantasy novels lately. This was just your mind playing tricks on you. Right?

“This is crazy. You can’t really be…” you shook your head incredulously.

“Be what?” he raised one eyebrow. As impossible as it seemed, he was in your place four and a half months ago. He had no idea such a world existed within his own until everything went spiraling out of control. “Just say what you’re thinking. Please,” he begged. As much as it pained him, a piece of him just wanted someone to know the truth about him.

“A vampire?” You were almost too ashamed to say it. It seemed so ridiculous, and yet, you had no alternative explanation to offer.

“And we have a winner,” Ignis humorlessly laughed. “This is the part where you either run back into your house, lock the door, and pray to the Astrals for your protection, or you tell yourself you’re hallucinating or sleepwalking and you go back inside and pretend none of this ever happened. I wouldn’t blame you, either way. Both responses seem rather reasonable. I apologize for involving you in this at all. I never wished to hurt you. If you want, I could even glamour you into forgetting this entire exchange. The choice is yours, you know.”

You were speechless.  This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t real. Had it been anyone else, you’d say it was a nightmare, but this was Ignis Scientia. The man you had harbored a crush on for over two years. As much as your logic screamed for you to get a grip on yourself, you almost couldn’t deal with the situation. Part of you wanted to laugh it off, and part of you wanted to break into a fit of hysterics. When you opened your mouth, even you didn’t know what was going to come forth.

“Oh, so you really are a vampire? And next you’re going to tell me that I don’t really know the world that I live in. There’s a whole other world out there within our own. A world full of monsters! Vampires exist! And so do other creatures!” Yep, hysteria won out. And yet you were trying to quell it with your sarcasm. Smooth move.

“Are you making fun of me?” Ignis questioned. He wasn’t really sure what reaction to expect from you, but it wasn’t this. You had always been sarcastic, but he had a feeling you were still processing this information and trying to reason with yourself.

“Me? Make fun of a vampire? No, why would I be stupid enough to do that?” You shrugged, the hysteria slowly building, causing your voice to go an octave higher. “What next? You’re going to tell me that Gladio is a werewolf and Prompto is…what, part of the Fae?” you nervously laughed.

If Ignis had the ability to blanch, he would have done so then. Instead, his eyes widened as he stared at you. For someone who couldn’t get a grip on the situation, you were surprisingly accurate in your assumptions.

You took his silence as confirmation of your suspicions. You weren’t even sure if you meant what you said, but it came out all the same. “Wait…you mean to tell me that I’m right? Does that mean more people I know are…not actual people? Oh Astrals, this is too much…” You lost it then. You became uneasy, swaying on the spot. You would have crumpled to the ground had Ignis not stepped forward and caught you, gently lowering you to sit on the porch, propping you up against one of the posts.

“That’s the type of reaction I would expect from someone who just learned about this,” he shook his head and peered down at you, pity in his blackened eyes. You looked up at him, blinking, trying to make sense of the situation.

“So you really are a vampire?” you dared to ask.

“Yes, Y/N, I really am a vampire,” he grimaced.

“Have you always been?”

“No.”

“That’s what I figured. Is that really why you went away?”

“Yes. Part of the reason, anyway.”

You had so many other questions, but you didn’t know where to begin. Before you had time to ponder the situation further, Ignis suddenly spoke up. “You really should get back inside, Y/N. It’s late. I’m sure you have work tomorrow. I’d help you in myself, but I don’t think it wise. I’ve already done enough damage for one night and I don’t wish to subject you to more. Goodnight.”

“Wait! Please don’t go Ignis,” you practically begged. He hated hearing that tone from you. He didn’t wish to cause you any more distress than he already had, but there was a hurt in that voice that he couldn’t shake.

You thought a moment before everything clicked. Though you weren’t sure if any of the vampire lore you had been exposed to through literature had any truth to it, it was all you had to work with for the time being. “You can’t come in because I haven’t invited you. Is that it? That’s why you cut me off earlier when I started to ask you?”

Ignis dropped his gaze to the ground and his shoulders drooped downwards. “Yes, that is correct.”

“But why didn’t you want me to invite you in? What’s wrong with that? Especially now that I already know what you are?”

“All the more reason for you not to invite me in. At least you can rest assured that you are safe within the confines of your own home. No vampire may set foot over the threshold as long as you do not invite them in.”

You mulled over the information before speaking again. “But if you wanted to attack me, you would have done so already, correct?”

“Yes, but outside, there are other smells to distract me and to dilute yours. Inside, however…” he trailed off, not wishing to finish his thought.

“Oh.” Right. Inside the house, it would reek of your scent. And he’d be in a confined space with you. And based on what he said, he was a new vampire. Perhaps he didn’t have practiced control just yet. Still, as much as your sense of self-preservation begged you to run, the rest of you had other ideas.

“I don’t think you want to hurt me, Ignis,” you confidently declared.

“True, I do not wish to harm you,” he answered cautiously.

“So I don’t think you will, no matter how high the temptation.”

“I must say, I do not like where this is going. Perhaps this episode has caused a lapse in your judgment.”

“Perhaps,” you reasoned. “But all the same, I want an explanation. Please tell me what’s going on with you. I thought we were friends?” There were those feelings again. You never let go of liking him, and even though you should be afraid, you still wanted this man.

Ignis let out an exasperated breath. “Yes, we were friends, though I don’t see why you would wish to remain as such with the likes of me now, knowing what I have become.”

“Come inside with me. Talk to me,” you whispered.

Ignis couldn’t resist your request. Even with Noctis, Gladio, and Prompto around, he still felt quite alone throughout this entire ordeal. His desire for companionship outweighed his desire for blood at the moment, so he took you up on your offer. He offered you a hand and helped you up off the porch before leading you back inside.

Once you shut the door behind you, you grabbed his hand and led him over to the couch. The two of you sat, turning sideways, facing each other. You gestured towards him. “Tell me what happened. How you became this way.”

Ignis stared at you with pleading eyes, hoping you would understand what he had been through. What effort it cost him just to be in that room with you. Confined to that couch, staring at your pulsing veins, inhaling the perfume of your skin, resisting everything that he was in that moment. “Like you, I was unaware that such a world existed within our own. I did not learn of it until a few months back, when the incident occurred.”

He paused, checking to make sure you were still interested. You sat perfectly still, staring at him with questions in your eyes. “I didn’t know that the Amicitia bloodline consisted of a long line of werewolves. They had made a pact with the Lucian royal bloodline many, many years ago. They swore to protect them as their shields. Werewolves in their human form are larger and stronger than most humans, which makes them such better protectors than most. It made sense. The royal bloodline has their own natural magical abilities, so even though they are human, they are a step above the rest. Having werewolves on their side was quite an advantage.

“Vampires have never been part of the royal court. Niflheim has vampires within their own ranks, and so most of their kind, well, my kind, do not care for the Lucians. Other world politics still do not make sense to me. I still have much to learn, but that’s beside the point. Vampires are natural enemies of the werewolves, so that was another advantage to having them as shields in Lucis. One night, Gladio was set to guard Noctis at his apartment. King Regis never liked Noctis living outside of the Citadel, but he respected his son’s wishes to be more independent. That’s why Gladio was never too far away. But that particular night, Gladio became very ill and had to rush back to the Amicitia home. Iris was supposed to take his watch that night, but a vampire came and overpowered her. He kidnapped Noctis and made his way over the wall of Insomnia.”

You were completely invested in this story, despite knowing that the ending wasn’t going to be pleasant. “So what happened next?”

Ignis gulped. “I never knew about the Amicitias being what they were. Imagine my surprise when I made my way to Noct’s apartment only to find a young werewolf passed out inside and the place completely trashed. I summoned my daggers right away to do away with the beast, thinking it was just some overgrown wolf but it looked at me and then transformed into a battered Iris. I stood there in shock as she wheezed and tried to explain to me what happened. I didn’t have time to be horrified by what I was learning. I had to go after Noctis. I called Clarus as I made my way to the edge of the city. I drove out of the gates and must have gone many miles before getting out of my car and going out on foot.”

“How did you know where to go?” you wondered aloud.

“I didn’t. I just went into the situation blindly. I did not know a thing about tracking. I had no way of knowing where they were. I found some woods and stumbled around in there for hours in the dark, not even thinking about the daemons that might be lurking around before I came across the place where they were holding Noctis captive. There must have been about ten vampires there. I don’t know what I thought I could do. I was only a man with a set of daggers. They were full-fledged vampires. Monsters. Sadly, they had already turned Noctis into a vampire as well. I could tell by the way he hungrily stared at me from where they had him chained with silver to a tree. Turns out silver isn’t exactly tolerated by vampires or werewolves, but that’s another story for another time.

“I tried to fight them off, but it was fruitless. They had me beaten to a pulp in no time at all. Even though Noctis was thirsty and in pain, he still begged them to have mercy on my behalf. As they delivered the fatal blow, a pack of werewolves appeared—Clarus and some of his relatives. The vampires were soon vanquished, and Noctis was released, but I was a lost cause. No potion could spare my life at that time.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you realized what must have happened next. You hadn’t even realized you were crying until Ignis reached over to brush some of them away with a cold thumb. You shivered at his touch, but not just because of the coolness of his skin. You had always craved his touch, and in spite of all that was happening, that hunger did not cease.

“Noctis did the only thing he could think to do to save me. He changed me as well. Once the King found out, he sent us away, for our safety, and the safety of the kingdom. We needed to learn to control ourselves before we could come back. Noctis is a prince. He simply cannot just disappear. He has to come back into the public eye soon. Our nature didn’t change the pact between the royals and the Amicitias. Yes, it strains things a tad, but Gladio was determined to help us overcome this obstacle. Prompto agreed to come along as well, mainly for moral support for Noct.”

“But how does Prompto being Fae fit into all of this?” you quizzed him.

“Ah, that was just a fluke. Gladio knew from the beginning what Prompto was. He could sense it. But Prompto isn’t your typical faerie. He isn’t cruel to humans, though he is still quite the prankster, I’m afraid. He just wants to be loved, that’s all. He craves friendship, and a purpose in life. Gladio sensed no threat in him, so he allowed him to befriend Noct.”

You considered all of the information Ignis had laid out before you. “I mean, it kind of makes sense for Gladio to be a werewolf. He’s big, rough, and kinda hairy,” you giggled. “That’s why I suggested it in the first place. But I was just throwing it out there that Prompto was Fae. Shouldn’t he not look so…human?”

“Ah, well that would be his own personal kind of glamour. He uses some of his magic to hide the fact that his ears are pointy and he has this unearthly glow about him. He has other abilities as well, but again, that is another story for another time.”

Other pieces of the story were starting to come together in your mind. “You stayed away to learn to control your thirst for blood, correct?”

“Yes,” Ignis answered wearily. “What are you getting at?”

“You have to drink blood in order to survive. There is no getting around that, is there?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“So that’s why you came here tonight. You picked a random house to look for your next meal…”

“I was afraid you would arrive at that conclusion. Yes, you are quite correct. Noctis and I have improved immensely in terms of our control, but we do still have to drink blood to live.. Staying out in the country, we can get by on animal blood, but as you can clearly see, animals are not plentiful within Insomnia’s walls,” Ignis explained.

“So you came back to start making meals of people?” You were a tad horrified. If Ignis hadn’t known you, you would have been his supper…

Ignis started to reach out and reassure you, but he thought against it and dropped his hand back to his side. He didn’t want to frighten you more than he already had, but he wasn’t going to lie to you. “Once we learned more self-control, Gladio suggested we try to see if we could drink human blood without killing our victims. You see, blood is both a blessing and a curse to us. If we do not drink blood, we will perish. If we drink too much blood, however, we get violently ill. Our thirst is never fully quenched. We can only drink a little at a time. When first transformed, the bloodlust takes over and causes every feed to be a frenzy. We kill our prey and drink ourselves sick and then rise to do it all over again the next day. Only with practice did we learn to pace ourselves. We only feed when necessary and only a little at a time. Never enough to harm a person. It is still difficult to be around humans, though. Being near them for extended periods of time is equivalent to being in a kitchen, smelling warm food cooking. Eventually, you find yourself hungry, even if you were full before.”

“So, what, you just knock on doors and ask people to donate blood but you don’t specify that it’s to you and not a blood center?” you attempted to joke.

Ignis snorted. “No. As a vampire, I am able to glamour people into doing my bidding. I manipulate them into offering their blood, I drink a bit, and then I erase their memories. They wake up feeling slightly weak and they notice a bite on their body, but then they remember that it was an insect bite or they think they ran into something that punctured their skin, and then they go on about their merry way, never remembering that a vampire had them for dinner.”

You weren’t sure why you said it. It was a foolish thought, after all. But though your fears were erased as he told you his story, your attraction to him remained the same. You were alone in your house with Ignis Scientia. Yes, he was a vampire, but he was still the most handsome man, well, creature, you had ever seen. And his personality remained the same. You were still in love with this man, and you cared for him. Maybe love makes you say crazy things. “You came here because you were thirsty. You still are. That’s why your eyes are all blackened, isn’t it?”

“Regrettably, yes. I trick myself into thinking that what I do is okay if I do not know the person, but once I realized it was you who stood behind the door, I could not bring myself to ask you…” Ignis couldn’t finish his sentence. The very thought of exposing you to his monstrous nature pained him. Plus, the more he focused on his thirst, the more his fangs grew. As long as he wasn’t thirsty, they stayed retracted, but the worse it got, the more they showed.

“But you need blood to live. I have plenty of it. I wouldn’t mind if you took some of mine.”

Ignis was astonished. He didn’t want to subject you to that. He cared about you too much. What if his desire for you physically interfered with the desire for your blood? It was bad enough that he could sense your arousal. He had been oblivious to your attraction to him before. He was so caught up in worrying that you wouldn’t like him in that way hat he failed to notice you actually reciprocated his feelings. It wasn’t until he showed up at your door that night that he realized you had returned his feelings all along. He could sense it in you before the fear and confusion set in. But now, that sense of longing was back, and it terrified him. But the thirst was proving to be a driving force in his decision making as well. It had been over a week since he fed, and he knew he couldn’t hold out much longer.

“If you insist…” he reluctantly agreed. “Now that you mention it, I am rather thirsty.”

“I wouldn’t be a very good hostess if I didn’t offer you something to drink, now would I?” you smiled.

Ignis couldn’t hold back his chuckle. “I suppose you have a point.”

Your cheeks reddened as you tore your eyes away from him. “So, do you want me to just sit here and let you bite my neck, or how do you want to do this?”

The thought of being so close to you had Ignis dizzy, and that wasn’t his empty belly talking. His attraction to you was going to be the death of him. “Well, the neck is such a conspicuous place for bite marks. You once told me you hate long sleeves, so it would seem your wrist is out of the question as well. It’s easier to go for some particular veins. I’m told the thigh is the next best choice…” he coughed. He couldn’t look you in the eye. That was too intimate of a spot, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from suggesting it. What was he playing at?

Your blush deepened as crimson flooded your cheeks. “Oh,” was all you could mutter. While he had a point, you were embarrassed at the thought of Ignis seeing you without any pants on. You should be mad at him for suggesting such a thing, but instead you were turned on. You could feel your panties getting wet at the thought and you were angry with yourself. Here was a man just wanting a meal and you were trying to make it dirty. Oh boy. “Okay. Let’s do it then,” you declared. Where that surge of courage came from, you had no idea, but you boldly got up off the couch and slipped out of your sweat pants, nonchalantly tossing them aside.

Ignis stared at you incredulously. He attempted to avert his eyes from your delicious looking hips and thighs, but he was first and foremost a man. A man who hadn’t been with a woman in quite some time. A man who craved you, mind, body, and soul before he ever craved your blood. He got a grip on his inner fantasies and smirked. “I was going to suggest you change into some shorts, but I guess this is just as acceptable as well.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and smacked your forehead. “Oops. I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry. I can go get some if you want.”

“No, it’s quite alright. Believe me, I am not complaining about the view,” he stated.

You hid your face in your hands. “Do you normally play with your food before you eat it?”

“No. Forgive me. This is new to me. I’m not used to doing this to someone I know. I’m just trying to make light of the situation.”

You asked him how he wanted to proceed, and he suggested you sit on the couch and relax. You followed orders and shakily lowered yourself onto the plush seat. Ignis removed his glasses and set them on the coffee table, then stood up and moved in front of you. Even looming over you, predatory hunger in his blackened eyes, you were still attracted to him. You shivered in anticipation of what was to come in the following moments.

He knelt down in front of you and gazed into your eyes. “Are you sure you are okay with this? Do not feel obligated just because you know I thirst.” He wanted to make sure that you were fully consenting to such a vile act. He still hadn’t fully come to terms with his new nature, but he also knew this was to be his new normal.

“Yes, I’m sure,” you breathed. “I’m all yours.” You weren’t entirely sure how you meant that last part, and Ignis wasn’t sure either, but he nodded and spread your legs slightly, eyeing your inner thigh.

“This will probably hurt only initially. The bite, that is. But if at any point you feel uncomfortable, stop me. I have enough control at this point, I can cease drinking if you wish me to,” he explained as he opened his mouth and lowered his face to your thigh.

You watched with widened eyes as his fangs made their full appearance. He sunk them deep into your flesh and you let in a sharp intake of breath. As soon as they were in you, he had pulled them out and was sucking the blood that was gushing from the punctures. His eyes were closed as he gulped down mouthfuls of your blood. You should have been frightened or repulsed, but instead you were incredibly attracted to him. The way he gripped your calf with one hand and your upper thigh with the other as he fed had butterflies doing somersaults in your stomach. You watched his Adam’s apple bob as he drank and you couldn’t help but wonder how he would taste as you trailed kisses and love bites across his own neck. And what would it feel like to have that mouth on your own…

You were quickly snapped out of your reverie when Ignis suddenly ceased his actions. You looked back down at him as he lapped at the puncture marks with his tongue. The bleeding immediately stopped, the wounds clotting over. He licked his lips and sat back on his haunches.

“That was it?” you asked, almost disappointed.

Ignis offered up a lazy grin. “What, you were expecting more pain and gore? I told you, I can only drink a little bit, otherwise I get sick. Once I am finished, my saliva has properties that cause your wound to start healing itself. I couldn’t have you bleeding all over your couch, now could I?”

“I suppose you have a point,” you agreed. Your eyes locked on his, and you noticed a change. “Hey, your eyes are turning green again!”

Ignis cocked his head to the side. “They are? I guess this means I am satiated then. I can always tell I’m past due to have a meal when my eyes stay dark. The same can be said for Noct.”

The feed was over in the blink of an eye and Ignis had retracted himself from you. His eyes were green again, his fangs were gone, and he looked as he always did. Still, that longing in your belly wasn’t going away any time soon, and you already missed the feeling of him against your bare skin.

The sexual tension between the two of you couldn’t have been more tangible. The want was detectable in your eyes and Ignis felt a hunger he hadn’t felt in ages—one that had nothing to do with blood. He leaned forward and slid a hand up your bare thigh. You shuttered, the motion causing him to hesitate. He didn’t want to give in without your permission. “Don’t stop,” you begged, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve always liked you Ignis. Liked you as more than a friend. I wanted to tell you for so long but never gathered up the courage to do so. Once I finally did, you disappeared. I wanted to get over you, but I couldn’t. I longed for the day you would come back, so I could tell you, but I was still afraid. And even though you’ve changed, you’re still you. And I still want you.”

Ignis’s heart swelled. You returned his affections after all. You always had. It wasn’t just the unearthly beauty of a vampire drawing you in, the way it’s meant to. He ran his other hand up your other thigh and leaned his face closer to yours. “I have liked you for quite some time as well, Y/N. That’s why I hesitated tonight, once I realized it was your home. I didn’t want to subject you to the monster I had become. I didn’t want to risk hurting or scaring you because I care too much about you. But I also hated the thought of lying to you and hurting your feelings. Vampires may be horrible creatures and they tend to use their unnatural beauty to draw in their prey, like a moth to flame, but I could sense your attraction to me before you actually saw me. I now possess heightened senses, you know. So I could smell your arousal while I was down here…” He began planting kisses up one of your thighs and you let out a moan.

“Ignis,” you whined. He rose up and crushed his lips against yours. You sighed into the kiss and he took that opportunity to fully taste you with his tongue. You tasted a hint of your own blood, but you didn’t care. You cupped his face with both hands as your tongues wrestled for dominance. He finally broke away from the kiss and resumed kissing your thighs. He was dangerously close to your sex when he ran his fingertips along the hem of your black lace panties.

“May I?” he politely inquired.

You nodded, unable to speak, so overcome with lust and emotion. He pulled them off in one fluid motion and pulled you by the hips towards the edge of the couch. He spread your legs wide and his eyes bore into yours as he lowered his mouth to clit and sucked hard on the bundle of nerves. You threw your head back in a long, drawn out moan. Hearing your obvious approval, he began licking and sucking at your clit before moving lower to plunge his tongue between your folds. You bucked your hips into his face and reached out with one hand to grip the back of his head. Your fingers tangled in his tawny locks as you ground yourself into his mouth. Ever since developing your crush on Ignis, the only pleasure you found was from your own hand or your vibrator, so this type of attention was long overdue. You hadn’t meant to hold out for him, but no one else caught your eye the way he did.

Ignis continued his ministrations for some time, and you could feel yourself reaching the cusp of your release. He focused all of his attention on your clit as he slid two fingers inside of your dripping folds, pumping them rapidly. That was enough to completely undo you. You came with a cry of his name, releasing your hold on his head and falling back against the cushions. You breathed hard for a few seconds before rising back up to peer at Ignis. His pupils were dilated and he was completely focused on you. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand before rising up to remove the shirt you forgot you were wearing. You had also forgotten that you were braless that night as well. You were home alone reading a book, not expecting visitors, so naturally you were dressed for comfort. His eyes roamed over your breasts and he surged forward to take one in his mouth, groaning as he sucked and nipped at your rosy bud. He released you and went for the other and you moaned at the sensation. You thought you were spent from his earlier touches, but this reignited the burning desire inside of you and you wanted more of him.

When Ignis pulled away, you followed to kiss him, tasting a different part of yourself on his tongue now. You pulled him in close and began unbuttoning his shirt as you continued to kiss him. Once you had pushed the silky fabric off of his shoulders, he shucked it off and stood up. You looked up at him as he began unfastening his pants. He pulled his boxer briefs down with them and stepped out of them quickly. He offered you a hand to help you up, but instead you took one look at his hardened length and formulated a plan. With one hand on his hip and the other around his cock, you pumped him a couple of times before looking him right in the eye and taking him into your mouth. He moaned and ran his fingers through your hair, tangling them up in your tresses. He didn’t thrust into you or pull you onto him, but simply gripped you for balance as you eagerly sucked him off. You continued to pump his base, your fist meeting your lips as you bobbed your head, your mouth in tandem with your hand. You did this for a bit before releasing him with your hand and pulling him further into your mouth, nearly choking yourself on his length. Ignis groaned at the sensation. You pulled back and went to deep throat him again only to have him gently stop you with a hand on your shoulder.

“Darling, I will not last if you keep that up. Please.”

You nodded and rose from your place on the couch. You kissed him deeply as his arms wrapped around your body, his hands quickly finding your backside and giving you a squeeze. You didn’t even make a peep as he gripped the back of your thighs and hoisted you up; you just continued kissing him as if that’s all you wanted to spend the rest of your life doing. You wrapped your legs around him as he carried you off to the bedroom. How he navigated with you attached to his face, you never knew, but he found your room all the same, and lowered you to the bed.

You moved to the middle, head against the pillows, and beckoned him to join you, your finger curling at him in a “come hither” motion. He crawled onto the bed and hovered over you, planting kisses along your neck and chest. Suddenly he stopped and rose up, staring at you with fear in his eyes. You snapped out of your bliss and looked at him, face reflecting nothing but concern.

“Ignis, why’d you stop? Is something wrong?”

He looked away from you as he spoke, but when he opened his mouth, you could see why he pulled back. His fangs were once again visible. “It would seem that thirst for blood isn’t the only thing that causes my fangs to make an appearance. Apparently extreme arousal coaxes them out as well. I haven’t allowed myself such pleasures since I changed. Not even my own hand. So it’s not like I would have known this would happen. I’m terribly sorry, but I…”

You cut him off with a finger to his lips. “Shh, don’t worry about it, Ignis. The fangs don’t bother me. They’re part of who you are now. Just, try not to bite me too hard, okay? That is, if you still want to do this at all,” you looked away, wondering if he still desired you the way you did him.

Ignis still craved that part of you—to be inside of you—to feel you completely around his cock; he just didn’t want to get caught up in the moment and hurt you. “Of course I still want you. I just want to be careful with you, love,” he explained as he caressed your cheek with one hand.

“Well don’t be too careful. I’m not that fragile, Ignis. I need you,” you pleaded.

He lined himself up with your entrance and eased into you. You let in a sharp intake of breath as he filled you completely. He sat motionless for a moment, letting you get accustomed to his length. “Ignis,” you whispered.

That was all it took for him to start thrusting into you. You moaned as he set a rhythm and fucked you into the mattress. He had gripped your legs, looping his arms underneath them so he could get a better angle as he slammed into you. He hit that special spot over and over and your fingers raked over the front of his thighs as you scrambled to grip at him, at the sheets, at anything to keep you steady as he undid you. You could get fucked by Ignis all night and come a thousand times and still crave more of him. This was the best feeling you had ever experienced and you didn’t want it to end.

After a while, Ignis released your legs and leaned forward, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he picked up the pace. You could feel that tightness coiling in your belly and you knew your release was imminent. He jackhammered into you, and you could hear tiny groans slipping past his lips as he started moving more erratically, losing control of himself.

“Ignis, I’m gonna come again,” you moaned.

“Come for me, darling,” was his answer.

As if on command, you did come. You saw stars as you threw your head back in a loud moan. He chased his release soon after, coming with a roar as his bit down on your neck. You gasped but relished the feeling as he rode out his orgasm, your walls clenching around him, milking him for all he was worth. He finally collapsed on top of you, simultaneously releasing the grip his teeth had on your neck.

“Oh, Gods, I’m so sorry,” he apologized as he lapped at the puncture marks he made in your neck, staunching the blood flow.

You let out a tired laugh. “It’s okay, Ignis. Does it make me weird if I say it was kind of hot when you bit me like that?”

He chuckled against your shoulder as he rose up on his elbows to gaze into your face. “Only a little. Though I must say, I don’t want to get into a habit of doing that. I can’t have you walking around with anemia all of the time.”

You beamed at him. “So this means this isn’t a one-time thing? I was afraid you’d disappear on me again.”

Ignis shook his head and kissed the tip of your nose. “No, I do not wish for this to be a one night stand. As I’ve already stated, I do care for you. And here I thought my nature would put a damper on the relationship. I still thirst for blood, constantly, but we’ll figure out a way to make this work I swear to it.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m excited that you’re now a vampire, but I am happy that you’re alive and that you’re here with me. Does this mean all of you are back for good?”

Ignis rolled off of you and settled down beside you, pulling you in close so you were chest to chest. “Yes, we’re back. We were on our way back to the Citadel actually, but Noct suggested I feed first. I figured someone living near the wall would be a quick and easy meal, and yet look at where I ended up.” He flashed a smile, sans fangs, and still, it was the most beautiful smile you had ever witnessed. You were boneless from recent activities, and yet his smile had you weak at the knees.

“Can you go out in the sunlight?” you suddenly wondered aloud. “And do you even sleep?”

“Trying to figure out if all of the vampire lore you’ve read about is accurate or not?” he teased.

“Hey, this is a whole new territory for me. Can you blame me for being curious?” you stuck your tongue out at him.

“No, I cannot blame you. We have plenty of time to go over everything, but not tonight. Tonight, I just want to hold you and relax for the first time in months, if that’s quite alright with you. But to answer your questions first, yes, I do sleep, and yes, I can go out in the daylight, but only if I’m well fed. The sunlight isn’t entirely pleasant, but bearable. The longer I go without blood, the more sunlight bothers me.”

“Oh, well that’s good at least. It would be odd for our future king to only make public appearances at night.”

“True. While we are still figuring out how to approach this whole situation, it is nice to finally be back in Insomnia. And it’s nice to finally be with you.” He nuzzled his nose against your own and pecked your lips. “Sleep well, my love.” He leaned away to swiftly turn off the lamp, enveloping the two of you in darkness, the only light coming from the moonlight leaking through the blinds covering the window.

You yawned and nestled down against Ignis’s chest as he pulled the covers over you both. “Goodnight, Ignis.” You had no idea how it was going to work—dating a vampire, that is, but you were more than willing to go down that road and see what else this crazy world had in store for you.

[uglymanchronicles]

UMC:R Chapter 3: Reinstall

Exposition time!  This one gets a bit gory in places, so be forewarned if that sort of thing gets to you.

“Monsters exist.”

It was, by all means, a useless statement.  It sounded stupid.  It sounded like something a little kid telling a ghost story would say, or something one of those wannabe Banksy types would spraypaint on the side of a police station or something.  But, nonetheless, an electric shiver, so potent that it made his breath catch in his throat, ran through his body.  

Because it was him saying it to himself.  He knew his own tells, his own voice… he was being sincere. While it was possible this was all a trick, that password…

“I don’t mean that in a metaphorical sense.  You’ll probably eventually notice some big scars on your back. Those are from a wendigo.  Or is it pronounced when-dee-go? I don’t know, not the point.  Superhumanly strong cannibalistic former humans.  Tough, but they still die if you cut their heads off. Try not to freak out when you see the skull in the bedroom.”

“WHAT.”

“So yeah, there’s all kinds of really bad things out there.  I’ve kept notes.  But there’s also so many good things!”  Old Evan’s eyes lit up and he scooted forward on the chair.  “New things we couldn’t have imagined!  Things outside of physics!  New sciences!  Actual, real magic!  I saw a guy actually jump over a building! Superpowers exist! And here’s the best part: I’ve—shit, we’ve—got one!”

Evan felt his face slacken into an expression of incredulous confusion as the recorded Evan stood up and walked towards the camera. His form loomed over it and ate up most of the frame, but he held the fingertip of his right hand up in front of the lens.

“Watch this.”

From offscreen, a small knife appeared and Evan watched himself drag the blade across his own fingertip. There was an irritated-sounding hiss of discomfort—Jesus, he was cutting deep! His past self shook out his hand, then held up the wounded digit to the camera.

Evan covered his mouth in shock as he realized how bad the cut was. The other him’s bone was visible through the pooling blood. It would require stitches, at least! But…

He looked down at his own, present-time finger. Aside from familiar little cuts, calluses, and blemishes that had been there for years, there was no sign that anything was amiss. Even if this happened months ago, there would still be a scar from it, surely! But there was nothing new.

“Look, here it goes.”

His attention was drawn back to the screen by his own voice. The gashed finger was still front and center, but something was different.

The blood was barely flowing any more. The bone wasn’t visible. As Evan watched, the wound began to visibly narrow, the skin creeping along the edge of the cut like a time-lapse video of lichen growing on a rock. When the opposite edges of the cut grew closer, raw pink skin grew across the gap. Evan swore he could see fibers of skin reach across and connect to the other side. In less than a minute, all that was left of a pretty serious self-inflicted wound was some slightly discolored skin and a scab that looked like it was days old.

“I don’t know why I’m like this, but I don’t think it’s something new,” Old Evan said, sitting back in the chair and idly picking at the skin. “Remember all the times we got hurt and it didn’t seem as bad as it should have been? Getting gored and stomped on by that bull? Getting lost in the woods and finding our way out with that broken leg? The cancer surgery? All the shit Mary did to us? We heal! We heal fast! And from a lot of stuff, too…”

Vid-Evan paused, sounding slightly troubled. “Look, I’m not sure how strong this is yet, but… okay, if you haven’t yet, you’re going to notice there’s a gigantic, awful-looking scar right here on the left side of your…our…dammit, these tenses are fucking me up. Here.” He ran his fingers along his left side, a few inches below his pectoral… right where the mangled hoodie had been repaired.  “I can’t go into all the details, but someone I was hanging out with got…enchanted, mind controlled, something like that.  It didn’t work on me for some reason, but I’d probably have been better off if it did, because he came after me.  And he was a HUGE guy, plus he had superhuman strength, so... I didn’t stand much of a chance.  After he beat me down, he took this huge ax he carried around and…” The recording pantomimed an overhand swing.  “If I hadn’t rolled he’d have split me in half.  As it was, the cut stopped just a couple inches from my spine. Organs pulped, bones shattered… I was out in seconds.  I woke up about an hour later and, well, it still hurt and my shirt was ruined, and I got a MASSIVE scar from it, but…” he spread his hands in front of him.  “I was alive.  Breathing, blood pumping, the whole nine yards.  And that’s not all.  I’ve been shot a few times, stabbed, clawed, punched by things a lot stronger than people… it heals in less than a day.  I don’t know why some of them leave scars and some don’t, but… well, let’s just say we’re not gonna win any beauty pageants.  Sorry.”

 The image on the screen raised his hand to his cheek, and Evan suddenly felt a deep sadness coming from his doppelganger.  He could see something sparkling in his own blue eyes, and realized it was the backlight reflecting off his tears.  The recording took a deep, shaky breath, and continued.

 “Look, I have to get to the point.  There’s a lot of bad shit out there, but there’s a lot of good, too, and I want to be a part of it.  With all the things we know, the things we know how to do… with the right tools, we could really make a difference.  Save people from things they can’t protect themselves from.  But don’t just hunt things down if they’re not hurting anyone. Everything’s got a right to exist as long as they don’t impede on that right of others, right? And go out and make the world better, don’t just fight, y’know?  We’ve always had big ideas.  We’ve got money, we know how to fight.  And we were bored, just tooling around staying out of trouble.  Let’s put all our skills and talents to good use, yeah?  Um…”  

 Film-Evan’s gaze drifted away from the camera.  He pursed his lips and shifted his jaw, twisting his expression as he seemed to struggle with what to say next.   After a few seconds of silence, he reached behind himself and pulled something out of the back pocket of his pants.  He stared down at it for a few moments, then held it up.

“Just being able to heal fast won’t be enough to make a difference, though.  I’ve built some weapons and gathered supplies—there’s an inventory on this computer—but this is the key to us really making this whole thing work.”  

It was a small, worn-looking book, bound in faded leather with a cover decorated with several small inset beads.  It wasn’t much bigger than the average paperback novel and a little over an inch thick, and some of the pages were clearly made of different materials than others.  It had a distinctly cobbled-together look, but the man on the screen ran his fingers over the cover with something resembling reverence.  

“This thing’s had a lot of names, but in more recent times it’s referred to as the Book of Fate.  Kinda cliché, I know, but it’s the real deal.  This thing is both the instruction manual and a key reagent for a magical ritual that’s been in development for centuries.  No, make that millennia.  And, like, tons of cultures.  Most of this thing isn’t in English.  Some of it is later translations, but… anyway, a whole lot of people have been working on this thing for a very long time, but it’s never actually been cast.  Performed. Whatever.

“But what this thing is intended to do, as far as I’ve been able to decipher, is to give the, uh, ‘target’ probably isn’t the right word, but you get what I mean, right?  The target of the ritual.  It’s supposed to give them the ability to develop their own… powerset?  God, it feels weird to use that term to refer to a real thing, but that’s the gist of it.  It’s a bit vague on how, but… well, I always wanted to be the first one to try to do something, didn’t I?  We? Fuck.

“Anyway, I don’t have time to explain everything here, but I’ve got tons of notes and personal research stashed away on this computer, and there’s backups in the filing cabinet in the bedroom if something happens. I’ve gathered most of the ingredients for the ritual, and I’ve got all the steps written down.  Do it.  Go through with it.  And after that, well, don’t worry.  Trouble will find you.

“So why am I telling you this instead of you just remembering it? Well, I can’t go into any details beyond I learned something literally dangerous.  Just me having the knowledge in my head has the potential to make something very bad happen.  So I have to get rid of it.”

The recorded Evan stood up and pulled the cloth off the chair.  The chair was huge, made of dark wood, and clearly very heavy. The angle of the lens cut off the bottom of the legs, but Evan thought he could see angle brackets anchoring the bulky thing to the floor. There were straps, made of leather even more aged and ragged than the book’s cover, on the arms and legs of the chair. Attached to the top was a strange colander-shaped device studded with wires, lights, and glass tubes filled with several colors of liquid. Topping it off was what seemed to be the innards of a power drill, tipped with a strangely gleaming bit and angled to point straight down towards the top of the wearer’s head.

Evan suddenly felt a wave of nausea as the twice forces of confusion and understanding smashed into each other in his brain. He suddenly knew what he was about to witness. He realized why his head was so empty. He knew the path he’d set himself on and was, in a sort of giddy, manic way, excited about what he’d told himself. He knew everything he needed to know. But he couldn’t stop watching. He didn’t even realize he’d been squeezing Mr. Nex like a stress ball until his knuckles cracked from the force. He could hear himself on the recording: “blah blah combination of drugs and corrosive chemicals blah blah specially coated enchanted drill bit blah blah many calculations blah lots of expert help blah blah prevent regenerating brain tissue from retaining recent memories blah blah reset pattern of consciousness upon completion of healing process blah”, but Evan was focusing on very gently setting Mr. Nex out of his arm’s reach. If what he thought was coming was indeed coming, he was worried that he might accidentally pulp the stuffed giraffe between his fingers.

After setting his old friend well out of reach on the passenger’s seat, Evan sat back down in the kitchen just as his recorded self finished strapping himself to the awful machine. There was a small remote control clenched in the shaking fingers of his left hand, and his head had been fixed in place by several thick straps.  He locked eyes with the camera again.  

“I’ve been wondering if this counts as me actually dying, since this portion of my consciousness won’t be sustained.  I honestly haven’t come to an answer, but…” Decisively, he thumbed the button.  The drill began to whir.  Somewhere off-camera, something large and volatile crackled to life.  “Fortune favors the bold!” The vials on the helmet started to bubble and drain.  Already shaking slightly from the electric charge, Film-Evan reached out with his tongue and pulled a block of wood on a string between his teeth.  Evan watched his own eyes bulge and start to roll wildly. The drill had hit bone.  

Since his head was strapped in place and largely obscured by the helmet and bandages, there wasn’t much to watch.  The sound was the bad part.  The former Evan was screaming as the bit ground noisily through his skull, the gag doing little to muffle the sound.  The machinery, the screaming, the wet crunching of pulverizing bone—it all blended together into a nightmarish vomit of noise, and Evan realized he was screaming, too, a low, guttural scream, one of low volume and pitch but utterly panicked intensity.

 The background noise suddenly stopped and Evan found his scream lowering to a drawn-out groan. His digital counterpart had stopped screaming and the drill had gone silent; as he watched, the machine slowly withdrew the bit, dripping with blood and pink-gray pulp, from his own ruined skull. The other him groaned softly and spit out the gag, his eyes struggling to focus on the camera. Though blood was leaking from his mouth, he managed to grin. His lips trembling, he took a breath and slurred weakly:

“It’ll be worth it. We’re going to make a real difference. We’ll be a force to be reckoned with, I just know it. I believe in myself. I believe in you.”

He’d just taken another breath, perhaps to try to continue his inspiring farewell, but suddenly the lights on the helmet lit up and there was a soft sound of liquid sloshing. A split second of a sharp hissing was audible, then old-Evan shrieked as wisps of smoke began to rise from the top of this head. The scream was so sudden, so shrill, so agonized, and so ear-piercingly loud that it only lasted for a couple seconds before a hideous gurgling-tearing noise preceded the noise lowering to a hoarse wail.

Despite what he’d seen thus far, the scream took Evan by surprise. He involuntarily jerked backwards, the chair’s legs caught, and he toppled over backwards. Luckily, the corner of the kitchen counter was waiting to break his fall, and graciously did so with a tap to the back of the head. Pain surged from the impact, but was rapidly overtaken by surging, suffocating darkness.

Just before it all went black, Evan found himself thinking:

Well, I’ve had worse.