#what i do from 8-9pm (dinner time)

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

Daily reminder: Be so fucking radical your mom's boyfriend is scared to talk about politics at dinner

[noosayog]

004 logical

✧ wc: 2.5k

✧ warnings/content: oikawa toru x reader, no gendered pronouns used but please lmk if I missed any! sfw, angst to fluff, another breaking up making up fic, long distance relationship

✧ GUTS masterlist, regular masterlist

divider from @/cafekitsune

“I don’t think this is working out.” 

When Oikawa hears those words, marred by phone static, he drops the remote from his left hand and his fork from his right. 

“Baby,” he says cautiously, disoriented. “It’s just a few more days.” 

There’s a moment of silence. Oikawa picks up the phone and presses it to his ear. 

“It’s not just that,” you say quietly. “How much longer are we going to do this – not seeing each other, missing calls, postponing flights? Even when we’re talking, we’re not fully focused on each other.” 

“That’s not true,” he immediately protests. 

“Yes, it is. Were you not just watching a game and eating right before this?” 

“That doesn’t mean I’m not fully focused on you.” 

“Yes, Toru. It does.” 

He has so much to say, yet none of it seems to come out. Nothing seems appropriate. 

You sigh again. “Just… stay, Toru. Stay there. You don’t have to fly back to Japan for me. I know volleyball’s important for you.” 

When he says nothing, you go on. “But I hate the way this makes me feel. Like I’m asking you to give up what you love to fly across the globe just to see me for a few days.”

“You’re not. I want to-” 

“Toru.” 

His mouth clamps shut. 

“Last time you came back to Japan, you missed a last-minute practice match with that coach you’ve been wanting to work with. Last time I came to you, I spent 2 of the 4 days I was there alone because you had another last minute volleyball thing. Even when we invest the time to see each other, we’re not really… there.” 

Oikawa knows; he knows. 

“So let’s just… not.” 

He knows, but that doesn’t mean he wants to… not. 

“Just hold on a couple more days, okay?” he asks, trying his hardest not to beg and whimper. “Just a couple of days, and I’ll be back in Japan and we can talk, figure something out.” 

“Toru…” 

“Please, wait for me.” 

“I don’t know if I have that in me anymore.” 

The coldness of your words seize his chest. 

Hearing nothing more from him, you sign off with finality, “Good bye, Toru.”

And the line cuts off. 

–

Today is Friday, the beginning of the 3-day long exchange scrimmages with the visiting Brazilian and Chilean pro teams. Duffle bag tossed on the floor by his feet, Oikawa flops on the couch, downing the remainder of his protein shake. The bright screen of his laptop stares back at him, email confirmation of his flight change there to reprimand him, remind him. 

Your Flight AE344 to Haneda International Airport for Thursday, February 8th has been canceled. 

You’re booked for Flight AE267 to Haneda International Airport for Monday, February 12th! See you soon! 

After you had hung up, he gave you a call back. You didn’t answer. He tried again an hour later, then 2, then 12. He had listened to the line ring, for exactly 20 seconds, 8 rings, before banishing him to your unset-up voicemail. 

Shutting the laptop screen, he picks up his duffle and is out the door. After all, if he didn’t show up to the scrimmage, what would this have all been for? 

–

Friday night arrives, and despite how tired he is, physically from all the exercise and mentally from all the socialization with the visiting players, you wander through his mind. He supposes this is hardly surprising, given you’ve always been his place of rest, regardless of the physical distance, sheer kilometers between the two of you. 

Almost afraid to look, he checks his phone and immense disappointment and an increasingly familiar emptiness fill his chest when he sees nothing from you. 

He tries your phone again. It rings, rings, and rings and there’s no reward, your voice waiting at the other end.

He showers, eats a quick dinner, and meal preps for Saturday’s scrimmage. Busying himself works momentarily, but at 9PM, his phone alarm goes off, reminding him that it’s time to call you. For the past year, his routine has been talking on the phone with you every night at 9PM. No matter where he is, at a bar with teammates, at dinner with friends, or late night practice, he always takes at least 10 minutes to talk to you. 

When the two of you first established this, the agreed upon time was 10PM for him, 10AM for you. The two of you used to compete to see who could call who first. The first night, you called the exact second the clock struck 10. So the next night, Oikawa called at 9:59. Then the following night, you called at 9:58. And it went on until the two of you begrudgingly came to a truce that you’d alternate nights. 

And tonight is your night. 

Five minutes after 9, Oikawa knows the call isn’t coming. 

–

Late Friday night – or technically early Saturday morning – Oikawa lays awake in bed wondering how the hell it all went down the way it did. It hasn’t even been a full year since the two of you started to do long-distance. And he’s still confused. He’s confused because he thought the two of you were doing the best you could be. He’s confused because he’s never even thought about the possibility of not being with you. 

He twists over to lay on his side, facing his phone screen, open at your contact. His thumbs hover over your name for the nth time that night, only for him to flop back on his back, turning now to the other side, your side. It hits him then that he can’t even remember the feeling of you in that bed, the last time you kissed. If he had known that would be the last time, he would've savored it all the more. He’d burn the memory into his nerves, just so he could remember the feeling. Volleyball was all muscle memory; he never thought he’d need to commit you as well. 

Before he knows it, morning arrives. He starts to get ready. 

He brushes his teeth, packs his gym bag, and starts to eat breakfast. 

His legs shake, knees bouncing up and down in a nervous tick that hasn’t shown itself since high school. His laptop screen is up again, the flight ticket once again flashing bright. 

It’s a reminder. Now he knows that when it’s not reciprocal, the distance between the two of you is so much more than 18,000 kilometers and 12 hours. There’s no phone line, no facetime to shorten that distance, even if just by perception. 

Then, it’s a striking thought: a realization that postponing a plane ride those few days could cost him a lifetime.

He dials your number again. 

It rings, and rings, and rings. 

“... Hello?” 

“You picked up,” he hears himself say. 

“Sorry I missed yesterday, Toru.” He knows what you’re referring to without you saying it. “And I’m sorry I hung up… like that.” 

There’s a lot to say, but he can’t do it like this. So he asks, “will you wait for me to come home?” 

“Toru…” your voice breaks with the syllables of his name. He hears the reluctance in your tone. 

“If you want to break up, if you truly want to stop being with me,” it takes monumental effort for Oikawa to even speak of such an event. “Then say it to me in person. I have to know.” 

You’re silent in response. He’s glad you aren’t refusing, saying that the flight, the cost, the time isn’t worth itt. He’s glad that you agree it’s still a worthwhile conversation to have in person. He’s glad you haven’t given up. 

“Wait for me, okay? Please.” 

It takes a few simple clicks and a significant chunk of his savings to do what he does next. 

– 

For the entirety of the flight to Haneda International, Oikawa’s knees bounce, colliding uncomfortably with the seat in front of him. Even with what little affirmation you gave him by simply picking up his call, it brings him little comfort as there’s absolutely nothing he could do for the next 28 hours but sit tight. 

When the plane lands safely in Tokyo, local time of 9PM Sunday, Oikawa charms his way into getting off the plane first. He flashes a weak smile at all the people still in their seats of the plane, before rushing off with only his carry-on in tow. There’s no time to wait for a bus, so he shoves his way to the front of the taxi line, reciting your address as if it hadn’t been over 4 months since he’s been there. 

Every passing moment does little to ease his nerves, exacerbated even up until the moment he arrives at your door. The seconds pass in loud silence, the hollow sound of his knocking ringing in his ears. 

All the white noise fades, though, when the door opens and reveals you. No matter that your eyes are red and swollen, no matter that you’re wearing one of his old ratty Seijoh sweaters, no matter that the two of you are supposed to be breaking up.

“Toru,” you breathe. Oikawa forgets you’re supposed to sound like this, not the distorted, muffled imitation of your voice he hears through the phone too often. Yet another addition to his growing list of realizations. 

“What are you doing here?” 

He doesn’t know where it comes from, but a single heave of a laughter bursts from his chest. “I told you I wanted to see you, didn’t I?” 

“But… your flight wasn’t supposed to arrive until Wednesday.” You’re cautious and he hates that. He wants you to be uncaring of the emotions you show around him, to jump into his arms and forgive him. He wants it back. 

“I changed my flight.” 

“But volleyball…” 

“That’s the thing,” he starts. “I think that’s probably one of the things I never made clear to you.” 

You look at him, confused. 

“Can I come in?” 

It stings when you instinctively fold your arms over your chest protectively, eyes briefly leaving him to look at the ground. 

 “Will you let me in?” he tries again. 

You look back up at him, moving to the side to let him in. 

When the door clicks shut behind him, the first thing Oikawa does is wrap you up in his embrace. His arms engulf you. He forces his hold to be gentle, on the chance that you push away. You don’t, so he holds on tighter and tighter, until you squeak from the pressure. He thinks he mumbles an apology, but he’s not really sure because all he registers is your arms coming up to grab his sweater. 

It’s not enough. 

You let him just hold you, for how long, he doesn’t know, until you finally squeak out his name. He reluctantly pulls away and starts talking, as if he wants to get the talking part over as fast as possible so he can pull you right back in again. 

“The thing I wanted to tell you,” he continues from before. “There’s no comparison – between you and volleyball, I mean.” 

“Toru, you know that’s not true.” 

Yes, it is,” he insists. “I’ve never seen volleyball as something that takes away from time that belongs to you. Every time you come to see me, or I go to see you, or when I push a flight, I’ve always seen that as just a… postponement of our time together, never that it would take away from it.” 

“Toru…” you push further away. 

“But, I think I get it now. I get that phone calls, video calls, text messages can’t be a substitute. I know because I almost forgot how your voice sounds outside of a phone and because I can’t accept us breaking up through a screen. And even more so because I can’t live off of the memory of how you feel.” 

When your gaze softens, he knows he got it right. It only took all this time for him to understand what you meant when you said things weren’t working; it was never about a postponed flight. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get it.” 

Your palm comes up to cup his face. Your thumb brushes a wet spot on his cheek. “Oh, Toru. I would never make you compare, I thought you knew that.” 

“I know,” he says. I know. And he does. 

“Sometimes, I just need to know you miss me as much as I miss you. I know you love volleyball,” 

“I love you,” he interrupts. 

“I know you love volleyball,” you continue. “And I would never want you to feel like you had to give any of it up for me. I just need to know that you feel what I feel too.” 

His hands at your waist squeeze, like he’s reassuring you that he does. 

“I know that you won’t be playing in Argentina forever. I was prepared to deal with long-distance for as long as it takes for you to be ready to come home. But-” 

He shakes his head like he doesn’t need you to say it. 

“No, let me say this. But, sometimes it felt like you were settling for how we were. Then… when you postponed the flight, I guess I was just bummed because I was so excited to see you. But you acted like it wasn’t a big deal.” 

Yeah, he did, didn’t he. 

“It felt like you would be just fine substituting me for the sport.” 

“Yeah,” he agrees. 

There’s so much to explain and he’s afraid it would take too long. He needs to tell you that’s not how he feels and that it’s not true at all. And perhaps he’s become self-aware of his ability to grow numb to things like homesickness and he tried to apply that to you too so that he wouldn’t be crippled by the sheer magnitude of how much he truly missed – misses – you. And how appalled he was when he realized he was associating you with memories and nostalgia, as if you were a had-been and not a still-is. 

But you seem to understand because your hands are still gentle on his face and your gaze is affectionate. 

“Stop crying, you baby.” 

“I’m not crying!” he denies. 

“If you don’t stop crying, I won’t kiss you,” you tease. 

He clams up, biting on his lips to stop the hiccups. His eyes roll upwards to the ceiling, willing any tears to stop overflowing. 

You laugh lightly at the sight, voice still clearly weak from your crying marathon. 

He has a lot to apologize for, doesn’t he.

You lean upwards for a kiss. It catches him off guard to this day, how much you can express in your gentle affection. It’s another thing he can’t feel through a screen. 

With each kiss you press on his lips, he counts the things he has to apologize for, but more importantly he counts the things he needs to tell you he misses and loves about you when he inevitably puts the 18,000 kilometers between the two of you again. 

And he’ll do it. Every day. Until the day he finally comes home.

[ch3rriiii-bunn]

Hiii! I was really hoping you could do an nsfw / fluff Kokushibo x fem! Reader and Kokushibo comes home after a long day and he was feeling like he wants to relieve stress by having sex with his wife. (aka the reader)

I really hope this made sense to you because I’m not the best with words.

Btw I really liked the Overstimulated/praise (I think is what it was) with giyuu!

After hours

Paring: Kokushibou x Fem!reader

Synopsis: taking his and your stress away

Content: Modern day au, husband Michikatsu, ceo husband, assistant wife, mention of drinking wine but no one is drunk. just a buzz, light fluff, sex on the couch, praising, spurting, light aftercare, pussy drunk Michikatsu, mating press

Word count: 2.1k

A/n: AHH THANK U!! yall have no idea how much I giggled writing that giyuu fic🤭

Working in the same company as your husband was great. You both made good money, had great positions in your field of work, and had the support of staff members in the company when you announced your engagement years ago. Although, some suspected the relationship between you two would escalate since it's common for a ceo to have a thing for his assistant

You and Michikatsu, of course, learned to keep your personal life separate from work life. However, life always has its ups and downs, and for these past couple of months, work has been piling up more than usual. Work was stressing you both out lately, especially Michikatsu. The number of projects and overtime you both had to do definitely delayed any personal time. Luckily, you finished your work early on a Friday evening, and you told Michikatsu.

He frowned. That means you were able to go home now that you've completed your work, but he was reluctant to let you go. "Can't you stay a bit longer?" Kokushibou firmly said, trying to stay professional, but he just couldn't. He wanted you to stay longer and tried to find some reason for not leaving him just yet. You raised your brow with a soft smirk on your face.

"I didn't know you've gotten so attached me to at work. We're supposed to keep this professional, Mr. Tsugikuni," you teased. Michikatsu's eyes softened at you, along with his facial expression. "You're my assistant. Yet you're also my wife. Is it so bad I'm attached to you, even during work hours, Mrs. Tsugikuni?" Michikatsu replied with his brow raised at you.

You chuckled. "It's not bad, my love. However, I do want to go home now. I love your company, but if I stay in this building any longer, I'll scream," You sarcastically say, but you needed to take this chance and go home. "You should hurry up too. We've been basically living here in this building with the amount of overtime we've been doing," you grinned and gave Michikatsu a pleading look.

Michikatsu stayed silent for a moment before letting out a sharp sigh. "Okay. I'll try and finish early. See you when I get home," Michikatsu leaned back in his chair, stretching before getting back to his room after exchanging his goodbyes with you. His eyes watched as you left, admiring you, his beautiful wife, but then his eyes watched how your hips swayed as you walked, especially in the black shirt and your black tights hugging your legs.

"Fuck... okay okay, back to work. No more distractions," Michikatsu said to himself. Hours went by, and Michikatsu was done. It was 8:30pm when he finished and then arrived at his shares home with you at 9pm. "I'm home," Michikatsu announced his arrival as he came inside the house, taking off his shoes and coat. "Hi! Come in the living room." You peek your head from around the coner and gesture for him to come towards you.

Michikatsu made his way to the living room, tired out of his mind to argue, and then, his eyes lit up a bit. He wasn't expecting a dinner since you and him ate before at the office. However, he wasn't expecting you to have this romantic setup. You had some candles lit, they smelled like vanilla, and you had two glasses of wine set on the mini table in front of the couch, next to a bottle of wine.

You smiled at Michikatsu. His lips curled into an upside, and he made his way towards you. His hands reach out to your waist and pull you close to him and give you a peck on the lips. "You know you could've taken my card to buy the wine," he reminded you, but you shook your head. "You spoil me. So let me spoil you tonight." You smiled at him. Michikatsu got a bit flustered, and you even saw how his cheeks started to turn pink. Now, having a small blush on his face.

"I should go shower-" "no~ come stay here with me. You're acting like you're all sweaty or something," you playfully sniffed Michikatsu, and he chuckled. He placed his hand on your head, petting you for a moment before sitting down on the couch. Once seated, you poured wine for you both and then handed Michikatsu his glass.

You both did a cheers and sipped on the drinks. Michikatsu wasn't one to always start a conversation. He only spoke when needed and always let you start and carry the conversations. He felt the buzz in his body from the wine, and he sure you felt it too since you seem more relaxed instead of being hyper focused like you would at work.

Michikatsu put his arm around you, listening to you speak, but his eyes just wondered your face. From your lips, cheeks, nose, and all over, he just couldn't get enough. It's like his mind was somewhere else. You continue rambling about date ideas. You suggest multiple date ideas for future days off and even suggesting kokushibo to try out new hobbies with you.

You pause midway through your sentence and raise your brow at Michikatsu. "Are you listening?" You asked, holding your half empty glass and paying more attention to his gaze upon you. He was so close, and it felt like you were about to have your first kiss all over again just from his gaze, looking like he wanted to kiss you right now.

Michikatsu nodded. "Uh huh... yeah, painting sounds nice to do on the weekend," he said as his tone got slowly. He had to think to himself while staring into your eyes. How long has it been since he was this close to you other than sleeping next to you in the bed and besides kissing you Good morning and goodnight.

Work really held him back from you, and he realized that. "Everything okay, Michi.. ooh," his name faded slowly from your lips once his hand moved its way to your tit and cupped it in his large hand gently. Michikatsu was so close to you now. His touch and this tension was enough to make it feel like the room got hotter. Michikatsu gave you tit a squeeze before letting it go and placing his hand on your back.

"You're beautiful," he said, putting his wine glass down and cupping your cheek with his other hand and having your body lean back a bit on the couch. "You picked a good night to wear these shorts. You have such pretty legs," he said seductively, pushing you down light onto the couch to be above you. "Michikatsu~" you whispered, closing your eyes as you feel his hand find its way to your inner thigh and grabbing your flesh.

"Even at work. You wear the same office uniform but to see you in your skirt and tights today? It took everything out of me to not rip them off and have my way with you on my desk," his deep voice whispered against your ear. You hold onto his shoulders, feeling your body heat up and bit your bottom lip, holding back a moan once his lips made contact with your neck.

His kisses her so soft for a few moments until he really started to get into it. His breaths become heavier, and you gasped once you felt his lips apply more pressure with each kiss kiss. "I want you, i need you," his voice rasped and restrained himself from continuing until you answered him. "Can we do it? I want to make you feel so good on my cock" Michikatsu's hands hold onto your hips as he slowly grinds himself over your clothed cunt.

"Mhm~ mm," you nod quickly, rolling your hips up to match the rhythm of his grind. "No. I need words, love. Tell me you want it~" Michikatsu said between hitched breaths as he grinded his growing election harder. "I want you. I want you, Michikatsu~" You looked at him, your eyes half yet looking at him with such need. "Good girl." Michikatsu grinned and went back to kissing your neck while having his hands go up your top.

"Careful with the biting, you'll leave marks," you warned Michikatsu with a soft whine, but he only chuckles. "Are you worried others at the office will notice them? Fine. I'll leave my marks where no one but you and I can see them." he smirked, lifing up your shirt over your tips and stopped at your collar bone. "No bra? It's like you wanted me all a long, haven't you, babe? " Michikatsu licked his lips and helped you take off your top and throwing it to the side.

Michikatsu pulled your shorts, along with your panties off, and brought his lips to your tit where. His lips captured your hard nipple in his mouth and began to swirl his tongue around it lightly before sucking on it. Your back arches from his tough, and you moaned with some grunts mixed in once his mouth sucked on random parts around your tits, biting and sucking until the spots turned a deep purple.

"Open your legs for me, sweetheart." Michikatsu pushed his hand between your opening legs, placing three fingers on your pussy and began to rub your clit in big, slow cirlces. "I've kept you pent up, haven't I? You're already this wet for me," Michikatsu hummed as he went to suck on your other nipple. "Michikatsu, Michikatsu~" you moaned his name with heavy breaths as your hips roll in circles to his touch.

"Easy baby. You'll have me soon enough. Be a good girl and cum for me frist" Michikatsu's fingers begin to move in faster cirlces and applying more pressure. "Cum for me and I'll give you this cock you've been so hungry for" Michikatsu said as his jaw clenched, feeling your wetness on his fingertips and your thobbing clit.

You've grown so sensitive from the pent-up sexual frustration that you were close already. His words alone were enough to push you over the edge. Just the thought of having your husband's cock inside you after so long drove you crazy and had you cumming in seconds. Michikatsu's fingers rubbed your clit faster until you were holding onto his muscular biceps and your mouth hung open with loud moans as you cum.

"That's it. You did so well, so proud of you. Ride it out on my fingers, baby." Michikatsu slowed down his finger motions until you calmed down from your orgasm and placed a sweet kiss on your cheek. Michikatsu quickly moved his hand away to hurry and unbuckle his belt and to free his hard cock from his pants, not being able to take his pants tightening around it anymore.

Once his cock was free, you saw it stand tall with its usual curve and looking even bigger then you last remembered. Michikatsu already had pre cum oozing from the tip and he grabbed his cock and smered his pre cum around on your pussy. He wasted no time, he watched you as he put his tip inside and then thrusting his hips forward to yours to get all of his cock balls deep inside you.

"Holy shit- fuck" Michikatsu let out a shaking, deeply moean once he was inside and gripped onto the back of your thighs tightly. He leaned forward, making his pelvis press down on yours. You cry out in the overalwhelming pleasure already, but Michikatsu kissed your lips. "Are you ok, my love?" He asked, refraining from thrusting his hips, but instead, he gives thigh thrusts, humping you softly and waiting until you're okay for him to move.

"Yeah~ keep goin'," you whined, and your head falls back onto the pillow. Your arms wrapped around Michikatsu's back and your nails digged into his dress shirt as he thrust his hips, moaning with each thrust from his big, curved cock hitting your gapot repeatedly. Michikatsu couldn't even wait to undress himself fully. He needed you now. He wanted to fuck you, he needed too.

"Come here," kokushibo muttered and leaned in for a sloppy, heated kiss. Hearing kokushibo's deep moans and his whimpers in the kiss and his tounge, French kissing with you made your pussy throb. Your pussy clenches down on his cock and Michikatsu slowed down his thrusts for a moment and pulled away from the kiss, having a thin line of Silvia connecting you two for the moment.

"I got too carried away and didn't realize how these clothes are restricting my moments," Michikatsu pulled down his pants and almost ripped off his dress shirt off his body. You admire his musclar physique and even caress your hand over his pecs. "Hold these for me, sweetheart. I'm going to fuck you harder" Michikatsu pushed your legs back and then grabbed your hands to put them on the back of your thighs.

He wanted you to hold your legs back for him and before you could fully processes anything eles, he had already put his cock back inside you and immediately, his thrusts were much faster and much more rough. You moan loudly, his skin was slapping against yours and you heard the sounds of your wet pussy every time Michikatsu's cock thrusted in and out of you.

"Oh listen to those sweet moans. Moan for me baby, scream for me. Let the neighbors here just how good I'm fucking my pretty, sexy wife. Fuucckk~ your pussy feels so good. So good~" Michikatsu's said as his moans slowly turned into whimpers from how good your pussy was making him feel. He brought a hand to your pussy and used his thumb to rub your clit while fucking you and his other hand gripping onto the couch cushion.

"Kokushibo! I'm gonna~ haa" you announced your close, you look down to see your slick coated on Michikatsu's cock and had your mouth hung open with loud moans. "Yeah? Cum. Now," he demanded, clenching his jaw and watching how your tits bounced with his powerful thrusts. "Let me feel it. Get me soaked in your cum" Michikatsu grunts, spitting out more of his dirty words at you while rubbing your clit faster and his heavy balls slapping against your hole.

He lets out a loud groan as he feels you clenched even tighter, almost not letting him go. You squirted, you whimpered, feeling your juices leak down your hole, and some even get on Michikatsu's thighs. "Yeah~ that's what I wanted." Michikatsu pushed your hands away from your thighs and held your legs back in a V shape, caging you in as he put you in a mating press position and pounds his cock inside.

"So close. Oh fuck baby, Gonna fill you up. Gonna, You. Up- fuck, fuck aaah!~" Michikatsu choked on a moan and whispered loudly as he slams into you, making his tip kiss your cervix as he releases his thick load inside you. There was a lot of his cum spilling inside. You catch your breath with Michikatsu and moaned as you feel some of his cum leak out, even with him still inside.

Michikatsu catches his breath, his musclar thighs even trembling after finally cumming and pulled out slowly. Kokushibo watched as you legs rest and he leaned down to give each of your knees a kiss. "I'll clean the mess up." He said and you both had a small laugh. Kokushibo grabbed some tissues to help clean you up down there so not so much of his cum would leak out as he picked you up and began to head upstairs.

"I could've walked up the stairs to take a bath, Michikatsu." You rest your head on his shoulder and have your arms wrapped around him. "Who said we were done?" Michikatsu asked, and you tensed up. He wasn't done? He wanted more? You looked at him for a moment and then saw him take you to the bedroom.

"I got us an off day tomorrow. So let's keep fucking until we pass out" kokushibo smirked and shut the door behind him.

[rennsugrpop]

i never, never want to go home

MINGI X READER

Summary: he was there one second, then he wasn’t. he was sweet like caramel coffee on cold nights but the next time you see him, he was the cold night, freezing and unforgiving. was he serious about you? or were you just another college fling?

Bags. Boxes. packaging tape. flight tickets.

Bags. what’s for dinner? packaging tape. Bubble wraps.

Boxes. I think I need more boxes.

One more exam then i finish college and go back home next week.

One more paper…. Then boxes, bags, packaging tape…

 That’s all you could think about all month. Brain fogged up with worries and responsibilities, anxiety and melancholy at the same time. Your three years worth of university life is going to be over soon. You can’t wait. Can’t wait to finish this degree and start a new chapter. but of course there’s the part of melancholy. The part where you think you’re going to miss this so much. The amazing friends, the parties, the fun, the drama, the late night adventures, the unlimited booze on weekends, all of it. This was the big city experience you always wanted. This was the unreachable sky you once dreamed of as a kid from a small town. “oh I’ll definitely find my first love in college and I’d marry him! You’ll see!” you were 8 back then. Childhood was so precious. You crave for the youth they show on the TV having you wish for the same, until it actually comes and passes by in a blink. But you don’t have time to think about that. You still have one exams left. Finals, sadness, and moving out, these thoughts were practically plaguing your brain.

And then there was him.

He was there one second, then he wasn’t. he was sweet like caramel coffee on cold nights but the next time you see him, he was the cold night, freezing and unforgiving. As hard as it was to understand him, he was never as hard on you as he was on others. No really, when you had first met him along with a group of art major students in the middle of your second year, he had seemed pretty chill. They all had a English history class with your professor who had been your course supervisor. You still remember how your supervisor had asked you to “please help these art kids out with the history” as she promised you help with your research paper in return, how could you say no? as a literature student, basic English history was easy for you, of course you go ahead with it. and you were later glad that you did. Because since that day, you had never once been separated from this group of art students who knew exactly how to live life. they had adopted you basically, and you had loved every second of it. Wooyoung was the one with the sudden late night plans, San being the one who made these plans legal and safe. Seonghwa always got the booze, Hongjoong always brought at least 3 orders of coffee to class, Yunho was the designated one with a car and daddy’s money. Jongho and Yeosang were the ones who joined only when they needed free booze, or a fun time at the end of every semester.

And then there was him. Song Mingi.

He had been the one who knew Yunho the longest. So for you to have been good friends with Yunho only meant he would always be around. And he was. Whether it’s the tutoring, the parties, the usual hangouts at the philosophy building’s terrace, coffee runs. As far back as you try to think about your time with all of them, he had been in even the farthest memories. When San first suggested you should hangout with them, he had agreed with everyone. When Wooyoung invited you to the party at his and San’s place he had been the one who offered to pick you up along with Yunho. When you had to do a grocery run at 9pm and you were worried the shops would be closed, he had been the one to tag along so you wouldn’t be alone. So when you had been stuck alone at the library studying for mid semesters while it was raining heavily outside, you pretended not to care about the loud thundering that came with it. Every flash of thunder had you nearing to tears, but you denied to show it. what’s worse is that you had left your earphones with Yunho the other day, so ignoring the loud sounds was your only way out. Out of all the things you had expected to happen, a mingi struggling with an almost broken umbrella at the library door was not one. He had acted like he just happened to need a book this late from the library. And he just happened to bring his headphones with him.

“but it’s raining so hard. No way they’re waterproof?”

“maybe they are? You wanna check if they’re still working?”

At that moment, he had looked so dreamy. Short wet dirty blond hair sticking up as he runs his hand through it in hopes of fixing it, half wet jacket that he took off and placed on the back of his chair to let it dry, now leaving him in a black tee, looking down at you with the softest eyes, holding up the headphones.

Another loud flash.

You body jerked at the sound and he had immediately grabbed your hand. You hate thunder. You hate it so much. you’re holding onto something. Oh shit it’s mingi. But he doesn’t seem to mind? He’s now making you wear the headphones, plugging them to his own phone. The Smiths started playing. He’s a Smiths fan? Your brain is now fogging up with thoughts of him and only him, the man in  front of you giving you the softest smile you’ve ever seen.

As the rain slows down and eventually turns to a low drizzle, you two decide to share the umbrella as he drops you off to your building.

“mingi, what about the book you needed at the library?” it had completely slipped your mind that his real motive to be there was this book he said he needed. “oh don’t worry, I’ll get it later” he still has that stupid smile.

“but you said-“ “do me a favor y/n, keep the headphones with you in case it rains again tonight.”

Oh he looks so beautiful. This moment. This exact moment when you look up at him, he feels safer than a warm blanket. But wait, how does he know that. You may have stared at him for a good minute cause as soon as you open your mouth to ask what he meant, he hits you with the “I’ll see you later, yeah?” and jogs off.

 One new message

Yunho: shit I just found your earphones in my bag.

Yunho: U alright? It rained pretty bad..

The next day as Yunho walks up to you right before to return your earphones, he stares at the headphones on your neck.

“hey where’d you get those from? Mingi has the same pair! That’s weird because I saw him run off outside with them last night in the rain and he didn’t even tell me where he’s going…..” he tilts his head now as if he’s arranging all this info in his brain because the pieces aren’t fitting together.

“oh yeah he came to the library last night for something, let me borrow them. Dude where’d he get em from cause it’s noise cancelling, I need a pair hello??”

You joke around but Yunho has a full question mark on his face. Then it looks like a light bulb went off over his head.

“SO THAT’S WHY HE RAN OFF LAST NIGHT!”

“what?”

“y/n. hear me out. When it started thundering, I remember myself saying, “oh it’s pretty bad today. Hope y/n will be fine” he asked me what I meant by that and I mentioned you not liking thunder and it looked like his brain went static for 2 seconds and then he immediately bolted with an umbrella and these headphones in his hands.”

He ran in the rain for you.

It hadn’t even occurred to you yet. He had ran in the rain for you all the way to the library.

You had thought it would be awkward now. But it wasn’t. because he never implied anything. You had returned his headphones and you went back to being friends. But he was always extra attentive of you. a little more noticing, little more caring that he is to others. And by the end of the year he would be the one you hung out with the most. Now it was you and mingi who were the pair. If they looked for mingi they knew they had to call you. if you’re invited at a party, of course mingi’s the one picking you up. he’s doing a coffee run? you’re right behind him. Though as friendly and platonic as it seemed, it was never just that. There had always been something more. Him holding your hand while walking you back to your place. Laying your head on his shoulder during your movie marathons with everyone, wearing each others clothes to classes or outside without a care in the world because it doesn’t matter who thinks what. You didn’t care. He was just always …. there. Unmoving. unwavering. It was just around halfway through the last (third) year where you had wanted a little more.

You had been acting like a couple, in public and in private. You had been sitting on his lap at parties, holding hands in campus, if anyone had dared to ask mingi the dreaded question, “are you guys dating?”, you could feel him grow cold again. He never said anything. He would just give them a smile that would make them run off like little kids. He never said anything.

So when you were cuddling on the couch while watching a random Netflix show, you had looked up at him, memorizing his face, his features, everything because you know in six more months, you might never see him again. He had noticed you staring.

“I can hear you thinking y/n”

“no I’m not. I’m just looking”

“you’re staring”

“okay and what if I am?”

He now stares right back at you. you don’t even move. You could see some sort of restraint in his eyes. Like he was trying to hold back. But he can’t anymore. Fuck it, it’s been long enough.

He dived right in and took your lips by surprise. It was soft at first. Testing the waters, going as slow as possible. And it was so so sweet. And passionate. His hand holding the back of your neck and other hand gripping your waist. Your own fingers playing with his hair. You had wanted this for so long you don’t even pause for air. And because you wanted him like this for so long, you don’t stop.

Things didn’t change much. you were now a couple but you were never the type to say much of your relationship. He was so on and off, cold and hot at times it confused you. but it didn’t affect you all that much. he had always been like that. He will be the sweetest boyfriend for a week, helping you cook, posting pictures of you on his social media, holding your hand in his pocket when its cold outside. But he will also disappear the next week, only texting you to tell you where he is so you don’t worry. He had always been like this. caring but cold. Distant but so close. He never opened up, never said anything sweet, no ‘I love you’s, or “hey you look beautiful today”. He would just smile so wide and give you a kiss so you would know exactly what he meant. He was in no ways a terrible boyfriend. You just wished he would talk to you more. Like “hey I love you. what are your plans after the year ends” or “hey I love you, please stay in the city for me” or even “hey, if you’re wondering, I won’t leave you after university ends”. What you had was enough for you now, but you wished for him to be with you in the future too. Would you be too clingy if you asked? Is this relationship just something casual? It won’t be that big of a deal if we break up before I leave right? hell, does he even know I’ll have to leave? You were gonna have to go back to your hometown with all of your things. Before you could start looking for a job, your family needed you back for a few months. You weren’t even sure where you would go next, but before that, you will have to go home. And you’re not even sure if he knows that.

You had accepted that he did like you enough to be around you all the time. You knew he was not fooling around, he was only yours. You knew his friends from the art department knew you as ‘his girl’. You knew and everyone knew too. So you didn’t ask for more. So now as you were running around trying to find a pair of jeans and a shirt to run to the campus for your last final, it had been 2 weeks since he had spoken to you properly. It had always been like that during exams. He would go completely MIA to study and rarely ever meet or speak to you. you didn’t mind it as you needed your time and space too. He would still text you good morning and good night and the usual “did you eat?” or “eat well ok”. It was only that this time that you wanted him here with you. you would be leaving next week and he doesn’t even know the amount of things you have to do and arrange all by yourself. You had been panicking all week with the packing foam, bubble wraps, moving boxes, trolley bags, along with managing to study for finals altogether. You had felt like crying. You had been so okay with everything but you wanted him to be serious now. Why wasn’t he serious about you? you really need him right now. You don’t even know if he would just break up with you when you leave. You had mentioned having to go visit your parents after finals but does he not realize what that meant? All the reaction you got from him was just a nod. You were still in denial, still trying your best to not think about it and just giving your last exam. So you rushed to the venue as fast as you could and didn’t bother asking if your friends or even mingi had reached yet. You just went to your assigned room exactly as the bell rang and after 3 long hours, it was over. Finals were over. Your university life was finally over. As much as you wanted to be relieved, you could feel tears threatening to spill. You had been so frustrated the whole week it was insane, so as you walked out of your classroom you find mingi waiting for you right outside.

Don’t cry y/n

Don’t cry

Don’t cry

You can’t cry. Not right now. Not in front of the entire campus.

“how did it go?” he asked.

“pretty good. And yours?”

“same as you.”

That same beautiful smile, his fingers slowly intertwining with yours, and him guiding you outside as if you were now entranced by him, not even being able to think for yourself, let alone walk. You soon realize he’s taking you to the philosophy building’s terrace, the usual hangout spot. Everyone’s there. Hongjoong and Wooyoung with cigarettes in their hand, the others just chatting. They greet you warmly, ask you how did the exams go, the conversation was smooth. But mingi was not beside you. as soon as he brought you through the terrace door he went off the smoke with Wooyoung and hasn’t even looked at you since. Seonghwa now asks you about your plans while he and Yunho sit around you. you say how you’ll have to be back home for a few months and that nothing’s really decided yet after that. You mention your flight being next week and Yunho immediately asks, “does he know?”.

You fall silent for a second. You know what he means. He means that mingi can be distant and off the grid and he can be painfully cold at times, but he does love you. he does care for you. he always has. So Yunho means to say that his best friend could be an absolute dumbass but he deserves to know. You say how you haven’t really talked to him about it. he knows about you moving out, and he knows about all the stress from it. but he never reacted. You doubt he knows your flight is next week but you know he won’t be surprised to know.

You say you’re going to head back because you had some errands to run and mingi doesn’t say anything, again. He just nods. Okay maybe it is casual for him. again, you ignore it. you leave. You walk down the stairs. You’re just about reach the bottom floor as a notification sound breaks your attention.

One new message

WOOYOUNG’S BITCHES:

Mingi: 10 cardboard boxes. 4 rolls of packaging tape, 10m bubble wrap roll, Thursday 4pm train for sending luggage, Sunday 11am flight. NOBODY be late. Jongho and yeosang will help with the furniture btw. Some 5m rope as well. Who’s bringing dinner?

San: ME ME ME

Mingi: done. y/n’s place. Just us, bring booze.

Hwa: ay ay captain

He knows everything. He planned everything. You wanted to hit him in the head for being like this, but now you’re just smiling like an idiot. He does love me. he’s such an idiot. There’s footsteps from the staircase and then there’s a 6 foot man crashing onto you from behind, hugging you tight.

(first person pov)

Turning around I crash into him, I crash into him like I had never before. I hold him tight and sob into his shirt, hard. He’s holding me tight, stroking my hair gently. I feel him kiss the top of my head before I look up to him. “why didn’t you speak to me properly?”

“I’m so sorry baby”

“I’m leaving, mingi”

“don’t leave.”

“……”

“please don’t leave. Or do leave but come back to me. I do love you. I’m aware I don’t show it like others do. Why do you think I’m not serious about you? I’m consumed 80% by you and everything about you. I know your flight details. i know the grocery items on your list, I know it when your favourite moisturizer runs out. I know the perfume you wear, yes all three of them. I know when your wifi goes out and I know all of your period cravings. You say I don’t communicate, but why do you never ask?”

“…..”

“because you’re scared of love. But y/n I love you and I’m not scared to show it. no matter where you go I’ll still love you. I’ll run to you baby. If I can’t run, I’ll walk. If I can’t walk, I’ll crawl. But I’ll always make it back to you. that’s why I don’t care that you’re leaving for a few months. Because it’s either you coming back to this city or I go wherever you go. It’s simple.”

I’ve never been this silent. He’s never spoken so much. I feel the burn on my chest like someone’s ripping my heart out. I’m so in love with this man and it never hit me as hard as it does now. He’s still holding me, arms around my back and waist. He waits for an answer. I think he knows I was fully prepared for a breakup today. I don’t know if he hurt me or I hurt him anymore. But what I do know, is that I’m not going anywhere. Or that I’ll go but I’ll come back to him.

“you never said you love me before”

“is it too late?”

“it’s not, mingi”

It’s not too late. It’s perfect timing.

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Negotiations

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~4k

Summary: You sneak out one night

A/N: Sorry y'all, I'm in an angsty mood

Warnings: Angst, relationship troubles (distrust and such), sneaky behavior.

You’re trying to ignore how sweaty your palms are, and you quickly reach for your drink to try and hide it. The condensation from the glass of course makes it worse and you hold back the urge to curse as you check your phone for the time.

It’s 8:15pm.

Usually at this time of night you would be at home with your wife and dog finishing up dinner, or more likely sitting on the couch in the living room. After dinner you walked the dog before settling beside your wife to cuddle while watching something mindless on TV. If Wanda got her way, it would be a sitcom with a laugh track that you hear in your sleep sometimes, but if you’re lucky, you’d start to doze off to a nature documentary before Wanda drags you upstairs.

You would much rather be at home with her, but you had something you needed to take care of first.

You are only a few seconds away from checking the time again when you feel a cold hand on your upper arm, and you have to stop yourself from bristling from the touch.

“Y/n Y/l/n. I didn’t think you would show.”

As you turn to greet the woman who’s been on your mind and the bane of your existence for weeks, you fight the urge to grimace. It had been a mistake to get involved with her, and you knew it from the very beginning, but you were desperate. One of your character flaws was that you were damn stubborn, and when you wanted something badly enough you couldn’t help but go for it.

You try to offer a sincere smile, but you’re tense and she can tell as she sits down on the barstool beside you and reaches out for your drink. You don’t mind that she’s finishing it because you don’t even want it, but you don’t like the message that it sends. You’re trying to be as incognito as possible with this arrangement. You waited to meet until a night that you knew Wanda would be working late, and then you’d left the house under the guise of going grocery shopping. You then ditched Bucky by sneaking out the back of the store and walking three blocks to this hotel bar where you’d agreed to meet.

You hated lying, but there really was no way around it. If anyone found out what you were up to, you’d be in deep shit and you didn’t want to deal with that. You couldn’t explain why you were being so needlessly reckless except for maybe to blame your determination.

This had to work.

You only take a moment to glance at the blonde’s outfit before you sit up a little straighter and offer an only slightly forced smile.

“Rosalie. Thank you for meeting with me. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

Wanda sighs in exhaustion as she arrives home to a dark house a little after 9pm. She stifles a yawn as she rolls into the garage only to do a double take when she sees that your car isn’t there. She quickly reaches for her phone to call you, but by the time she walks into the house you still haven’t answered. When Boone comes up to greet her, the call’s gone to voicemail and Wanda just hangs up with an annoyed huff. She scratches Boone for a second longer as she glances at the clock to confirm that it’s way too late for you to be out.

Bucky responds almost immediately and Wanda’s hand stops mid-scratch as she reads his message.

She went to the grocery store near Glendale but she’s been in there for an hour. I’m going to check on her.

Wanda has no idea why you would drive so out of your way to go shopping so late at night. Admittedly sometimes you had weird cravings, but this was odd even for you. Despite often losing track of time in a grocery store, Wanda figures that at such a late hour you would be in and out for whatever you wanted.

She decides to wait until Bucky finds you to respond, and she heads toward the kitchen to find some leftovers to eat. She hopes to be able to claim to have eaten dinner by the time you get home so you won’t get upset with her. When she has late nights like these, sometimes she forgets to eat and she comes home without having eaten for over 14 hours.

She can barely focus on dinner as she tries to patiently wait for Bucky’s response. She can imagine him finding you wandering around aimlessly as you try to figure out what food you’re craving. She’s had to drag you from several grocery stores when you’ve done this for over 30 minutes, and she’s almost wishing that you’d waited so she could have done this tonight.

Twenty minutes later, Wanda’s only had a couple of bites to eat before her phone rings. She sees that its Bucky, and she doesn’t hesitate to answer it as she takes a deep breath. She’s sure he’d found you roaming the candy aisle.

“Hey Bucky.”

Bucky is near sweating as he speed-walks up and down the aisles of this too cold grocery store. He’s looked for you for nearly 20 minutes, and he’s run around the store like a lunatic to the point of worrying that someone is going to call the cops. He’s tried calling you only to have it go to voicemail, and he doesn’t know what else to do. He stops by the ice cream for a moment before pulling out his phone to call Wanda. He has a feeling that you aren’t here, but he’s not sure if he believes that you’ve been taken. There was no one suspicious here except him, and after speaking with a disinterested cashier, he figures nothing sketchy went down.

As he waits for Wanda to answer, he tries to figure out what the hell you were up to.

The smile you receive in return makes you wish you’d said anything else, but it’s too late to take it back now. You decide to ignore your discomfort and get right down to business because you’re sure this will take a while. Wining and dining someone takes tact and patience, neither of which you are in possession of tonight. After leading Rosalie from the bar to a secluded booth in the back, you wait for a waiter to take your next drink orders before taking a deep breath.

“I really do appreciate you being here, Rosalie. I’m not sure what I would do without your help.”

Although you know that you’re feeding her enormous ego, you have to kiss her ass to get her to agree to your proposition. You know that under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have been this successful in your campaign. That said, your chance meeting with this woman who was capable of making you so happy was something you couldn’t overlook or take for granted. You aren’t even sure that she knew who you were before flirting with you, but that was of no consequence to you. If anything, it helped your chances.

You’re reminded of this as the blonde not-so-subtly, looks you up and down while you wait for your appetizer. You take a deep breath behind your glass when she’s distracted, and you pray that this all works out.

When Rosalie offers you a near-predatory smile you realize that you’re going to have to take it up a notch.

“What can I say? You made a very appealing offer, Y/n.”

When Bucky had called to tell her that you weren’t in the grocery store, Wanda had been opening the app on her phone to track you before he could even ask. For safety reasons, you and Wanda had your locations turned on your phones. Wanda had insisted and despite arguing that you never went anywhere other than work, the store, or home without her, you acquiesced. You’d had nothing to hide and you did sometimes check and see where Wanda was occasionally, only to wonder what she was doing on late nights away from home.

Wanda’s frown deepened when she’d realized that your phone was turned off. The last place it had been on at was the store, and now Wanda was oscillating between pissed and worried.

What were you up to?

“Oh really? You must have the cutest pictures!”

You smile widely because you really do and you’re already reaching for your phone to find some when you remember why you’d switched it off.

While you and Rosalie ate dinner, conversation had luckily transitioned to your work and more specifically your patients. This was something you were comfortable talking about, and honestly you could go on and on about your adorable patients. That said, you hesitated long enough for Rosalie to notice, and her brow furrows slightly in question.

“What’s wrong? Do you have other photos on there that you don’t want me to see?”

You can’t help but blush, and you poorly conceal it with a cough as you shake your head and turn on your phone. You’ll make it quick before powering it down again. It will be fine.

You reach out for your fork to take another bite before you shake your head with small smile.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

After showing off the last few adorable patients you’ve seen, you steer the conversation back to the reason why you’d invited Rosalie to dinner in the first place. You try to push down your discomfort of asking for something from someone, but you think about the puppies before you meet Rosalie’s expectant gaze.

“So have you thought anymore about my proposition?”

After checking continuously for nearly half an hour, she jumps when your blue dot appears on the map. She watches it move not far from where it had been earlier before she calls Bucky back. He’s been searching nearby buildings while she waited impatiently, but now she was going to look for you because she was beyond angry.

“Bucky, I found her.”

Wanda pauses as she zooms in on the map for a precise location. When she sees where you are, her breath catches in her throat and she just stares for a few long seconds.

“Yeah? Where is she?”

Wanda still doesn’t answer right away. She’s trying to come up with a logical reason for you to be where you are. Anything but the worst-case scenario. Wanda clears her throat before shaking her head and speaking through clenched teeth.

“She’s at the hotel off of 5th. I’ll meet you there.”

You’re taking another bite of cheesecake, blissfully unaware of the storm that’s headed your way as you and Rosalie share a companionable silence.

She’d agreed to your terms and you were near giddy with excitement. That said, you were still aware enough to remember your manners, and you slide the plate toward the blonde with a teasing smile before setting your own fork down.

“Please. Eat the rest. I think you’ve more than earned it.”

Rosalie smiles and only tries to argue with you for a moment before she gives in. You could eat this slice and maybe three more, but you realize how late it’s getting, and you’re almost certain you’ll barely beat Wanda home. It’s nearing 11, but the fact that even Wanda’s early ‘late nights’ are rarely before 1am is enough to relax your nagging nerves.

It only takes a few more minutes for you two to wrap things up. You foot the bill because it’s the least you can do, and then you’re going your separate ways. You wait until Rosalie is out of sight before you near run to the exit. You don’t dare turn on your phone, but your watch is telling you that you need to hurry.

Wanda’s staring at the sky trying to calm herself down when you come running out the front doors of the hotel. She’s settled on the steps out front, sitting on one of the stone banisters as she tries to understand what she’s feeling.

She and Bucky had arrived and it had only taken a few minutes to spot you. When Wanda had seen you sharing dessert with a woman who was smiling at you adoringly, well she almost lost it. She stared at you for just long enough to convince herself that she wasn’t mistaken, before she stormed back outside and planted herself in this spot.

She had sent Bucky back to your car to make sure you didn’t sneak by her, but she figures it’s unnecessary. She mostly did it to be alone and shed a few tears without him watching. She had a feeling you’d walk right out the front door, and then she’d confront you. She just had to figure out what to say.

She almost misses you fly by her and her gaze snaps towards you with a vicious glare that’s wasted on you. She ignores the fact that you’re getting further away and she stays exactly where she is as she calls out to you.

“Hurrying home to someone?”

You think you’re hallucinating when you hear your wife’s voice when you’re halfway across the street. You stop in your tracks, stiffening in surprise before you dare to turn around to confirm your suspicions. You’ve never had any luck at keeping secrets from your wife, so you’re not sure why you thought this time would be different.

Despite being over 20 feet away, you’re sure Wanda can hear your audible gulp as you turn to face her.

“Needlessly it seems. You’re already here.”

Now despite your actions tonight, you’re not an idiot, and you know what’s about to happen. You consider how you’d feel about seeing Wanda in your shoes tonight. It might be slightly different because she has more of a reason to meet random, beautiful women at hotel bars, but for a moment you suspend your disbelief and consider how angry you’d be at her. At least half as angry as Wanda appears to be with you now. You walk deliberately towards her, and do your best not to flinch at her furious expression. You nearly startle when she jumps down the stairs and meets you on the sidewalk with a scowl.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You can’t help but flinch and you think it makes Wanda even madder because her glare honestly makes you want to run and hide. You can’t remember the last time she’s been mad at you, actually mad, but you’re sure this is much, much worse. Unfortunately, in your infinite wisdom you dare to shrug before providing the worst answer possible.

“I was meeting someone.”

Wanda’s eyes flash as she remembers the beautiful blonde that had been looking at you like she wanted to take you upstairs. Her words come out as a snarl and you actually start to sweat as Wanda steps toward you.

“No shit. Who the fuck is she, Y/n?”

You realize, belatedly, that maybe this hadn’t been the best plan. Sure, you’d waited for an ideal night, or so you’d thought, but there had to be a better way. Clearly. It had to be possible to have pulled this off without getting caught. Right?

You sigh in defeat before you realize that there’s no way to lie yourself out of this one. You know Wanda’s going to be hurt, but you just have to say it. What was the point of dragging it out any further?

You run a hand through your hair and nearly roll your eyes at the fact that your ring snags on one of the knots. Figures.

“Her name is Rosalie Evans. She’s a donor who’s just pledged $10 million to help renovate the animal shelter.”

You and Wanda stand in silence as you let your wife process what you’ve said. You can tell by the look on your face that she’s trying to decide if she believes you, but after a near agonizing three minutes in silence, she just shakes her head. She walks past you with a huff, and you’re equal parts relieved and disappointed that she barely says anything in response.

“Come on. We’re not talking about this here.”

Despite Wanda’s desire to storm back into the hotel and find the blonde you’d been with; she knows there’s no point. She has a feeling the blonde is long gone, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to have Bucky look into her right this second.

The trip home is made in separate cars and it’s silent for both of you. You’re lost in thought and Wanda’s waiting to get confirmation from Bucky that you weren’t just lying to her face. It comes only minutes from arriving home, but still the news that you’d been out with a rich, beautiful, animal lover didn’t sit well with her.

She slams her car door so hard the house almost shakes, and she waits impatiently as you pull into your spot before getting out as slowly as possible without ticking her off more.

She storms into the house, and you just have to follow her as she ignores Boone and immediately heads to the deck. You scratch your dog a few times as you trail behind your wife, but you leave him inside as you follow Wanda back out into the dark.

“Were you on a date just now?”

Despite expecting the question, you still can’t stop your initial reaction at the mere thought of doing something like that to Wanda. You would admit that you had been selfish and that you’d used Rosalie, but dammit if you weren’t desperate for the money.

“No, Wanda.”

You barely say her name before she spits her next question with such disgust that you instantly feel like a horrible person.

“Did she think it was a date?”

It never ceases to amaze you how smart your wife is. She’s always so many steps ahead of you that it would be embarrassing if you hadn’t already accepted that she was a genius. It’s only times like these, when you’re in trouble, that you truly regret this fact.

You don’t really know the answer to this, and you don’t take long to consider it before you shake your head. Wanda’s still facing away from you, and you can’t help but feel ashamed by this. She’s so angry that she can’t even look at you.

“I don’t know. It didn’t come up.”

This was technically true. That said, you would have let her believe that it was a date if it had gotten you the money. Is this what a gold digger did? Suddenly your self-respect tanks further at the thought.

Wanda doesn’t respond immediately as she considers all of her options. She’s still plenty mad at you for this, but she has to admit that by seeing this woman, you didn’t technically do anything wrong. That said, the way you went about it had been sketchy as hell, and she wants you to know that she doesn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“Why did you go behind my back like this? Why not just tell me what you planned on doing?”

Wanda’s trying not to be angry about the fact that you’d snuck out of the house on a night that she’d specifically told you she would be late coming home. How you ditched Bucky to sneak away and make sure nobody was the wiser. She rolls her eyes at the thought of you pulling this off.

You have sat down at this point because you’re exhausted and you’re tired of staring at your wife’s back. You huff in frustration before you shake your head with a groan. You’re such an idiot sometimes.

“Because I didn’t want you to know what I was doing.”

You knew what question was coming next, so you tried to beat Wanda to it as she finally spun around to face you. You’d wished she’d stayed facing away from you instead. You would have preferred it to the glare she was shooting you.

“Of course not! You were practically on a date with this woman, and for what? For-?”

“For money!”

You’re back on your feet as you rip out some of your hair when your hand gets stuck again. You squeeze your eyes shut before you take a deep breath and try to calm down. You meet Wanda’s suspicious gaze and you feel your shoulders drop.

“I needed her to agree to the donation. I’ve only been trying to convince her for weeks. I-I needed the money, Wanda.”

Your wife simply scoffs before she crosses her arms and levels you with a look that hides how hurt she is. If you’d needed money so badly, why hadn’t you just asked her? Why had you needed to literally grovel to this woman you barely knew when she could have helped you easily? She asks this and your face says it all. Wanda almost wishes, for a millisecond, that you’d been having an affair instead.

“I couldn’t ask you Wanda. It couldn’t come from you. I needed the donation to be public. For campaigning purposes.”

Wanda suddenly realizes why you’d gone to so much trouble to keep this from her. You both often donated to various causes that you felt strongly about. Unsurprisingly, number one on your list was animals. You’d given countless donations to shelters and other rescues in the areas so they could keep helping stray animals. That said, sometimes you knew that an anonymous donation just wouldn’t cut it.

When the projects were larger and they required the help of many donors, you wished that you could be one of them without causing suspicion. Despite making good money at work, no one would believe that you could give $3 million without batting an eye. It just didn’t make sense. You also knew that since everyone thought you were married to someone named ‘Linda’; you couldn’t have Wanda donate either.

That and the fact that she’s a known criminal.

That wouldn’t go over well.

So you’d tried to go behind her back to accomplish your goal of getting money while sparing her feelings. She’s still mad at you, but she seems to deflate when she feels the familiar pang of disappointment that accompanies moments like this. Sometimes she thinks she’s failed you. Sometimes she desperately wishes that she could have had any other occupation as long as it was legal. At least then she would be able to support you more readily, more publicly.

She doesn’t realize she’s stared off into space berating her past self for her career choices until she feels your hand on her shoulder. She blinks before realizing that you’re standing right in front of her with an apologetic look. She suddenly feels exhausted, and she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. She doesn’t want to think about beautiful blondes or not being able to help you with your selfless pursuits.

“I’m sorry, Wands. I should have told you.”

Wanda shakes her head as she sighs in defeat and walks past you toward your barking dog. She ignores the frustrated tears that are streaming down her face, and she hopes you can’t hear them in her voice as she lets Boone run past her so she can sneak upstairs while you’re distracted.

“It’s fine, Y/n. I get it.”

Wanda disappears up the stairs as you chase after Boone to get him to come back inside. It’s far too late for this and you quickly steer him back in the house before locking up and heading up the stairs. You need to follow Wanda and try to convince her that she shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. You’re the one who went behind her back. You thought that it would be worth it, but even the thought of $10 million doesn’t make the idea of trying to make amends with your wife any less daunting.

Masterlist

[soobnny]

summer strike — hwang hyunjin.

trope. strangers to lovers. found family. comfort fic. heavily inspired by the kdrama

synopsis. having had enough of your life in the big city, you head to a small town where you meet a local librarian who feels a lot like love

word count. 23k words

warnings. drinking alcohol, curse words, mentions of loneliness

note. it’s out it’s out! this kdrama might be my favorite and means a lot to me so i just had to write something inspired by it. it’s basically the written form but condensed with a few changes so credits to the kdrama. i’d rly appreciate any feedback :)

one.

It happened without warning.

As you stand behind the glass doors of the building you work at, rain splits before your eyes. Drip by drip, and then a downpour. You suppose you should’ve checked the Weathers app before deciding to work overtime tonight.

You ponder over waiting it out, but there is no place to go but the train station before it takes its last trip. It’s urgent to get back to your empty apartment where it isn’t rainy and it isn’t windy and the world isn’t ending. So, you run towards the only direction you know in this city, even as rain pours over the streets.

Your soles feel heavy by the time you arrive, but you don’t allow yourself the moment to rest as you swerve through the crowds of people to get to the train doors before it closes. You wish to see a time when silence ghosts the usually busy station, but you don’t have the time. You never do. Always rushing. Always tired.

The watch on your wrist reads 8:21, and it’ll only be a few minutes before a wave of office workers litter the narrow space of the train. When they finally do, the first thing you discern is their terrible body odor—dried up sweat with a tinge of alcohol. It no longer surprises you, so used to the fuckery that is your life.

Instead, you plug in your earphones to drown out their voices, listening to the kind of music that drags you back to a childhood memory. It sounds like popsicles, like wind blowing through your hair as you’re being pushed from the swing, like running on concrete barefooted, like the laughter of someone you love.

Now, you live in a city of strangers.

On the next stop, an old woman walks in. No one makes a move to give up their seat—too tired, too selfish, looking anywhere but the old woman. You think of how small humanity really is as you get up and gesture for her to take your seat instead. She has gone through too many years of her life to stand stuck between the terrible stench of office workers.

She holds a sweet smile as she thanks you. You don’t remember the last time someone smiled at you like that. Silver linings.

When you finally make it home, it’s nearly 9pm. This is what working 9-6 is like in the city. You live off your co-workers taking advantage of your work ethic, your boss’s bad breath yelling into your ear, and never coming home on time.

This has happened yesterday. It will happen again tomorrow.

It’s always the same. The same routine, over and over without progress. You feel like you’ve messed up somewhere. You used to have ambitions, but now you’re just a fragment of the person you used to be. The city was supposed to lead somewhere. It was supposed to be promising. But, the same tired eyes walk down the same path everyday in a dead end.

You don’t know where you went wrong.

You lay in your bed, still soaking wet, with a painful cry waiting to erupt from your throat. You hate that there’s no longer time to create happiness. It’s too late, and minutes from now, you will be asleep.

You stare at the ceiling, as you do every night before you fall asleep, and the only sounds that accompany you are the loud honks of the cars outside and your stomach grumbling. No one calls you to dinner. No one holds you to keep you warm.

It’s so lonely here.

The feeling of a hug is something you don’t see yourself remembering so you press your back further against your bed to mimic the feeling of an embrace. It doesn’t feel right, but it’s the closest thing you can get after the mistake you made of thinking you were made for the city.

Though, as you keep staring at the ceiling, you start to feel sick. You don’t think you can handle this rotting anymore. You refuse to believe this fate is by design, not when you feel like this. With tears you didn’t even notice dried up on your cheeks, you make a decision. There is nothing else you can do here, and this will be your last night in the city. So, you do something you have not done in years, you pull your backpack that’s been collecting dust and throw in as much clothes as you can.

You feel you’ve been cruel to yourself for allowing this to happen for years. The next day, you don’t wake up at the usual time. You spend the night in, and you quit your job once they call. They don’t deserve you there.

As for your belongings, you decided to only keep what could fit in your backpack. Cleaning up the house, you realized that you bought a lot of things; mugs you bought on a whim just because they were pretty, dishes that you only used once to host a house welcoming party, clothes you forgot even existed. The selection process was much more difficult than any job interview. Useless items got sold as soon as you posted them online.

You let go of your apartment and jump on the first train out, leaving behind the bustles and the buildings of the city. Seoul is too much for an unemployed person like you.

The sound of the train pollutes your ears as you step in, the voice of the intercom telling passengers to let people out first before walking into the train. And as the train moves away, you watch the city grow smaller and smaller. You don’t bother looking back.

The little town you're heading to is unfamiliar, but the path before is even more so.

There’s a heartbeat.

two.

Nobody ever visits.

In the city, you learned early on that it was a dog eat dog world. Your kindness can only go so far until it becomes the perfect tool to take advantage of you. They liked to call it survival of the fittest, the Darwinian evolutionary theory. It’s something that’s taught early in high school, often forgotten the year after, yet it’s a theory you continue to use long after everyone else has moved on to other things in life. You’d always found it interesting how it flawlessly captured Seoul’s mechanism of natural selection—the one most adaptable to change is the one that survives.

Nobody knocks on your door to greet you there. Nobody wishes you well. For as long as you can remember, you’d always had to fight, always aboard a ship on rough waters that you’d almost forgotten how a quiet shore sounds like.

You suppose this is why there was no warning when a knock sounds on your door. You hadn’t expected anyone at your door.

The morning was spent carving out a new life for yourself in Angok, running away from the sounds of the city and exploring the place you’d soon call home. There aren’t many establishments here, most of them run by families who have been here far longer than you ever have. You take note of the small convenience store just where you live in case you were feeling too lazy to run to the farmer’s market just by the town center. Small things first, afraid to hear the bustle of buildings follow their way to where you are.

By 2 in the afternoon, you had retreated back to the small apartment you’d rented out. Outside, the wind was getting stronger, making the waves collide harshly with the shore. You think you’d have stayed out longer if the gust of wind hadn’t flapped your clothes around violently. Two in the afternoon, with nothing left to do, when the door knocks.

Knock, knock.

Your heart rate speeds up at the sound. Could the city have followed you all the way here?

With heavy feet, you fight against the voice in your head to greet whoever is at your door. By best case, they’d probably mistaken your quaint apartment for someone else’s.

You twist the doorknob carefully, door creaking when it opens and you’re met with the sight of someone with the most peaceful face and the most perfect set of teeth. His eyes are welcoming as he waves at you in greeting, hair messily swept back with a few strands falling on his forehead almost as if they were designed to be.

“Hi!” You squeak out, eyes nervously wandering back and forth between the man and what you could only assume was his parked truck just by the front of your apartment. “I think you have the wrong apartment.”

“Oh! My apologies. Is this not where (Name) lives?” Your heartbeat picks up its pace again, and your hand around the doorknob starts to feel a little clammy for the fear of his intentions.

“It is actually. Um, how do you know my name?” You try to mask the fear in your tone, but the man easily picks up on it. And if it wasn’t for the situation, you think you would’ve laughed when he comically takes long strides to back up a little bit. He looks silly with his widened eyes and parted lips.

“I’m sorry, that must’ve sounded really creepy. I’m Chan! I live just around here, and my mom just rented you this house? The previous owner ran away with all the furniture, so I brought some so it doesn’t feel so empty.”

Chan flashes you a bright smile, angling himself a little so his truck is in full view.

It solicits a sigh of relief out of you, gripping hand on the doorknob dropping as you feel a little safer. You’d been ready to shut the door. Almost defensive. Almost letting his words fall into mumbles.

“I apologize again. I didn’t mean to scare you.” His tone is soft, genuine even as he scratches the back of his head and bows a little. It’s a strange sight the man with the kind smile. Strange that it only occurs to you now how long you’d gone without seeing a smile so soft in a long time. After all your years in the city, you had almost forgotten the sight of genuineness being directed at you.

“It’s alright. I’m just… a little…” The words fall on your mouth. Frankly speaking, you don’t know how to explain your own behavior. Nervous? Afraid? Defensive? You don’t really know. You feel like a stranger in your own body.

Chan is quick to dismiss it when it seems that you don’t have the intention to finish your sentence. There is no pressure to come up with an excuse here. “Come in. The wind must’ve been harsh on you.”

Pulling the door back a little wider, you invite Chan into your empty apartment, and after asking you twice if it was okay, he finally obliges. As he makes his way inside, he takes the furniture he had brought with him—back and forth, and back and forth from the truck until everything was inside.

He doesn’t even let you lift a finger.

“Sit anywhere.” You make your way to your kitchen to grab him a glass of water, emptying the bottle you had just bought down to its last few drops. You try to take as long as you can in the kitchen in nerve of the small talk that was bound to happen when meeting strangers. Though, your walls start to look at you reproachfully, and you realize you’d been gone far too long to be called disrespectful.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” You hand him the glass, sitting adjacent to him. He simply shakes his head, thanking you instead as he takes the glass from you with both his hands, careful not to touch you in case it makes you uncomfortable.

“I hope this is enough.” Chan motions over towards the pieces of furniture he had brought with him—a couch, a few chairs, and a table for now. “I have some more, but it didn’t really fit in my truck.”

You allow yourself to smile at him, though your eyes fail to meet his for more than five seconds. You don’t know what to say, and something akin to an itch starts to eat at your brain the way a caterpillar does with leaves, one bite then another, pressuring you to say something to satiate the silence.

Chan saves your brain from being chewed away.

“I hope you don’t have a hard time settling in.” He finishes the water you’d offered him before he continues, “I live just 2 apartments away if you need anything. I’ll see you around?”

You nod your head, following him out of the door, and you can only hope you hadn’t scared him away already. You manage to meet his eyes one last time as you move to shut the door, polite smile on your face as he turns back one last time.

“Ah, before I forget… I noticed you had a lot of books with you. There’s a library just a few blocks away in case you were interested.”

“Oh. Thank you. I’ll be sure to check it out.” With one last bow, you gingerly close the door behind you as he finally drives off.

Chan. He feels comfortable despite only knowing him for a few minutes, almost like a caring older brother you never had. You hope to know him more.

As you turn back around, you look at your apartment a little more closely this time, inspecting how the pieces of furniture look, decorating what once was an empty space. It looks more like a home now. You should’ve thanked the man more, you fear you didn’t say it enough.

You brush the thought off and spend the rest of the day cleaning.

three.

It takes you almost a week to go to the library Chan had suggested.

You had promised yourself to finish the book you brought with you first, before committing to new stories and new horizons. Though, it proved difficult as you have always been the type to take more than you can bargain for—purchasing books after books only to leave them behind on a dusty shelf.

But, new places call for new habits, and you vowed to leave that inclination behind.

When you step outside, a wispy curtain of clouds cover the skies. It’s a lovely weather to be outside in, with the summer breeze floating about. Not too cold. Not too sticky.

The air in the city has always been tangled with some form of pollution. Dirty and suffocating. It’s nice to have a change in pace. Being kind to nature, you find, has you reaping the benefits of basking in its beauty. They don’t litter her land with buildings here.

On the way to the public library, you pass by the market where a multitude of people line up, selling more than you can name—fruits and vegetables, homegrown plants, fish, textiles of clothing, brooms, almost everything.

The old and young gather alike, children running around to help their parents, office workers taking a break from their job to buy street food from the vendors. It’s colorful and vibrant, almost fiesta-like that only the people of Angok can radiate.

“(Name)?” A familiar voice has you ripping your eyes from an array of freshly baked cookies, turning towards the origin of the sound to find Chan waving at you.

“Chan, hi!” You reply shyly, yet a little less reserved than when you had first met him.

He looks the way he did a few days ago when he showed up on your door, though more sweaty as he puts down the final box of fruits they had loaded up on his truck. He’s dressed in a loose tank top, you assume to be more efficient in his job, and the beads of sweat glistening on his forehead are more visible the closer he gets to where you’re standing.

Chan definitely stands out with his height, and the way he smiles so easily.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, hands wiping at the side of the shorts he’s wearing.

“I’m actually going to the library… the one you talked about. Though, I’m not quite sure I’m headed the right way?” You try to mask your embarrassment with a short laugh, and his eyes brighten at the way you had taken his suggestion.

His stature lights up in the same manner, clasping both his hands together and replying, “Ah, if you can wait a minute, I can walk you there. I have to deliver a box of oranges there, anyway.”

“Really? I’d really appreciate that actually. Thank you.” You smile politely, and he gestures for you to follow him back to his truck where a man is waiting for him.

The stranger is carrying way more than he should be, about to jokingly boast about his strength to Chan when he takes an abrupt step. An earthquake rumbles in the way a box falls from his shoulders, hitting the pavement and bursting open—almost in slow motion as apples and oranges roll out.

“Shit!” He exclaims with his whole chest, and he immediately bows in apology at the elders around him who look disapprovingly at his choice of language.

“Ah, Jisung.” Chan mumbles, jogging forward to grab the fallen fruits that are still rolling on the pavement. A few onlookers help, much to the embarrassed boy’s dismay, and you quickly bend down to grab at the ones nearest to you.

“Sorry.” His tone is abashed, loading fruits back in the box and setting it aside. Chan simply pats him on the back in fondness.

“Wait, who’s this?” It’s only now he notices you, standing behind Chan with a few fruits in your arms which you hand to him. “Wait, wait, wait. I know, wait give a second.” He continues.

You can hear a faint chuckle from Chan.

“You’re (Name)! Right? You recently moved here?” The sheepish grin on his face is quickly replaced with a look of interest tangled with excitement, forgetting about his ordeal with the fruits in favor of greeting you.

You wonder if news travels as fast as his expression changes in this little town.

“Woah, easy Ji. You’re gonna scare her.” Jisung takes a step back, suddenly aware of how much personal space he’s taking away from you.

“I’m Jisung, Chan’s super handsome and cool friend.” His enthusiasm makes up for his clumsiness, waving at you before suddenly grabbing a plastic container from a big blue cellophane sitting by the side of the box he had dropped. “Here, my mom’s taking up an interest in baking lately. She’s not very good, but please have it as a welcoming gift from me.”

You take the container from his hands, bowing in thanks before meeting his crinkled eyes. Does this boy ever stop smiling?

“Thank you, really. I’d introduce myself but, it seems… you already know my name.”

His unwavering kindness takes you by surprise, just like everyone else in this village. And you’re about to thank him again when he excuses himself to help who you assume to be his mother, who is grumpily carrying a new batch of her baked concoctions.

“So, the library?” And then it’s Chan’s smile again. This time, he has with him a small box of the oranges he told you he’d deliver. You snap out of your far-away look to follow him through the streets.

It’s a short walk, brisker than you thought, and Chan sets the box down on a wooden table just outside of the public library where a young man waits for him—impatience clear on his face.

“Finally. Took you long enough, old man.” The boy opens the box, grabbing an orange from the pile and inspecting it before letting out a satisfied hum when it seems to have met his criterion.

“What do you even need all these oranges for, anyway?” Chan inquires, looking down at the crouched figure of the boy.

“Oranges have vitamin C, which plays a major role in preventing age-related mental decline.” He states matter-of-factly, standing up from his previous position. “Something you can’t relate to, obviously.”

The older boy doesn’t take anything to heart. Instead, you find the same fondness on his face, the one he wore when Jisung had dropped that box earlier.

“Well, I’ll get going then. Will you be okay here?” Chan looks back at you, a huge question mark of an expression decorating his features to ask if it was alright for him to get back now and leave you there.

The younger boy is long gone now, having retreated back into the library with his oranges.

“Oh, yes, yes, of course, sorry. Thank you again.” You smile, and he continues to wave goodbye until he’s no more than a distant figure.

The building is three stories tall, and you have to walk a flight of stairs to get to the library on the second floor. But it’s quiet, and you liked the change of pace from the vibrancy outside to the sudden tranquility inside.

It provides a safe barrier for when you want to be alone with your thoughts, something you never had in the city.

The inside of the library is cold, but the sun reflects through the panels of the windows just right so that it isn’t freezing. It’s as inviting as it is outside, and you’d go as far as saying the friendliness of the library was similar to that of Chan’s warm welcome for you. It isn’t the biggest room, and its run-down nature was particularly striking, but it isn’t something you mind. The cheap furniture and the slight discoloration of wood gave the place a character of its own—like this library has stood for generations and has protected centuries worth of knowledge from the books it holds.

It reminds you of a scene from Avatar the Last Airbender, when they find a lost library with all the knowledge in the world. And the boy with the obsession for oranges can be Wan Shi Tong, the giant owl spirit who’s tasked with collecting information and protecting the Spirit Library.

The door sounds and the floor beneath you creaks as you walk through the room. Though, it isn’t loud enough to catch the attention of the boy you had seen earlier, or as you liked to call him, Wan Shi Tong. He simply calls out an obligatory “welcome”, before going back to the book he’s reading.

The closer you got to the shelves, the more it smelt of books. It’s a nice addition to the ambiance, the scent of pages roaming around and escaping past the ventilation.

You go through the bookshelves, hand moving along their spines. So many books and every single one you wanted to read, even those in foreign languages.

You like this place, you decide. It’s filled with a quiet that allows breathing space, not simply an absence of noise, but a comforting stillness that isn’t easy to replicate. You might come here more often, make it part of a new routine you’re crafting for yourself.

Back in Seoul, you woke up at 6am like clockwork. You shower, eat when you can, go to work, overtime, and go home. Repeat. It’s to the point of exhaustion that the first time you slept in felt like your body was catching up on all the rest it’s been denied, and now it’s being given a space to breathe.

Reaching the end of the shelves, you’re subjected to the sight of broad shoulders and long black hair, standing still as the figure moves to return some books into their slots. They must work here. Should you inquire about how to make a library card? They already seem way friendlier than Wan Shi Tong.

“Excuse me miss?” They give no sign of having heard you. “Miss?”

When he turns around, you’re thinking of all possible ways to move out at this very instant. The boy, whom you had mistaken for a woman, looks at you with slightly widened eyes as if not having expected you to have spoken to him. While that isn’t reason enough to warrant your sudden thoughts of running away, his beauty surely is.

He’s hypnotizing, a beauty that Aphrodite must’ve blessed upon him, the kind that leaves a lasting impression. You’ll meet him once and never forget about him. His hair falls perfectly just above his shoulders, and a mole sits on his face like it was always designed to be there.

You’re embarrassed—if calling him miss wasn’t enough, you’re unsure if the staring did anything to help. Without another glance, you bow and mutter a quick apology before turning to walk away from where he’s stood.

“I’m sorry.” You say, for extra measure even when your back’s already turned from him.

Wan Shi Tong it is.

“Hello.” You speak quietly, and the boy once again looks up from his book. He looks like he’s studying for something.

“How can I help you?” He doesn’t have that false customer service voice, the one that’s overused and far from genuine. Instead, he speaks to you with a sort of passive tone—but it’s not too much that it sounds condescending.

“How do I make a library card here?”

He puts down his pen. “You need an address in Angok for that.”

“Ah, I do have one.” You smile, a little shy, yet relieved that your sudden intrusion of their village hasn’t spread to the entirety of the population yet.

“Did you move here?” He inquires, to which you nod your head in response. “Hm, alright. Hyunjin will help you make one. I’m Seungmin, by the way.”

“(Name).” You introduce yourself back, thanking him for his help as you turn around to only be greeted by Aphrodite’s son, though, you suppose you now know him as Hyunjin.

You can do this.

Hyunjin quickly makes his way behind the desk on the seat next to Seungmin’s so he can hand you a piece of paper you assume you have to fill out for the library card. Though, he still doesn’t say a word. He only points at the parts you need to fill in before going back to another one of his tasks behind the computer screen.

It’s hard not to look at him, and you’d lie if you said you didn’t feel anything when he looked back at you. Though, the feeling is overpowered by the embarrassment of possibly causing him any form of discomfort. You don’t want it to eat away at you until you’re avoiding the library.

You don’t want to avoid the library.

“By the way…” You start suddenly, keeping your voice down. “I’m sorry again for… earlier.”

Silence greets you, as he panics to grab the tiny camera for your library card. “And thank you for helping me right now.”

You seem to only be digging deeper and deeper into your own grave when he still doesn’t respond to you, simply stares as he bows his head slightly to acknowledge you. And it seems that awkwardness spreads like a virus when Seungmin’s head peeks from his book to witness the funny exchange before him. He looks like he’s trying his best to not laugh at whatever the hell is happening.

Then a shutter sounds as you’re filling up your paperwork, unaware he’d already taken your picture. You can only let out a nervous laugh to try and mask the silence that suddenly feels a little suffocating under the prying eyes of Seungmin.

“Here you go.” You hand over the piece of paper, and Hyunjin gives you a printed out library card in return. “Thank you.”

You suppose you can come back the next day to actually start reading. Meeting four new people and embarrassing yourself on top of everything is a little taxing, and you know the weather outside and the pretty cherry blossom trees will help put your mind away enough that you’ll feel better by tomorrow.

The bell rings as you leave, just as it did when you entered and you find yourself smiling at the breeze and the possibility of new friendships.

You told yourself to live a life you won’t regret.

You can do it.

There is excitement when you think of what will happen from now on. Time is all you have now.

As you walk outside, you map out where Chan had led you earlier to make it back to your rented home. If you were gonna come to the library on most days, you might as well have the path memorized until you can guide yourself there blindfolded.

You feel something fluffy just by your legs before you see it, eyes too focused ahead to only now realize you’re being followed by a long-haired Chihuahua. A chuckle escapes your mouth as you bend down to greet the dog. “Hello there, who are you?”

A bark follows, but not a threatening one.

“Come here.” He follows, little paws jumping up to rest on your bent knees with a wagging tail. Almost immediately, you coo at the sight, supplying him with all the head rubs he could possibly ask for.

“Where did you come from, hm? Why are you all alone?” The pitch of your voice is definitely higher, speaking to the dog with a tone similar to one you’d use when talking to a baby. “So cute.”

“I’ll get going now, okay? Go back home too!”

Four padded steps continue to follow you, and the culprit is exactly who you think it is.

“You can’t follow me around. You have to stay here!” Phony scolding, to try and get the dog to stop following you. You don’t want their owner to worry.

“Hey, stop following!” You laugh, starting to jog away from the chihuahua, but he refuses to listen. Instead, he starts running to keep up with you. “Stop it!”

Turns out, it’s hard to convince a dog to stop following you. Especially when he’s made his way into your own home, walking with you for the entirety of your path. The little dog doesn’t have a tag, no owner to contact, and it’s nearing night that you don’t feel safe letting him sleep outside in the inky dark. So, you invite the dog inside who walks around like he owns the place.

You sigh, though never one of indignation, as you sit down on the couch Chan had lended you, and the chihuahua quickly follows to lay himself on your lap. Curled up. Safe.

“What should I call you? Hm? You’re pretty stubborn.” You look down at the dog who’s looking back at you as if having understood anything that you’re saying. “Berry? No?”

It takes you a couple more tries before deciding on Kkami—when the chihuahua’s tail starts wagging aggressively and he attempts to lick your face at the mention.

“Okay, Kkami then. You like that? Hm?”

Your night routine doesn’t change much, there’s just an addition of a curled up Kkami sleeping beside you on your bed. But, you find that you don’t mind it one bit. It’s less lonely like this, and it’s nice to have some company.

four.

You return to the library’s stillness the next day after finishing up some chores—the laundry, the cleaning, everything. Washing your clothes was something unfamiliar to you, as you’d always just sent them to the laundry services near the place you stayed at. There was never time to do them yourself.

It’s a totally new experience when all you have is time now. You keep burning the food you make, but eat it the same. And hanging up your wet clothes outside took forever, but you manage. You just have to remind yourself there’s a book waiting for you in the public library.

The walk to the library is easier now, but the commotion you’d caused yesterday still echoes in your head. It engraves itself even as you make it to the door, hand hovering over the handle. But, there’s no point in delaying. You’ll be here most days so it’s best not to avoid anyone. So, without another thought, you open the door and step into the quiet of the library.

The bell rings as it always does.

“Welcome,” is what Seungmin says, just as he did yesterday. You greet him back, smiling politely as you make your way to the shelves. The room is almost empty. There’s only one other person in the library, a book with black hair on his own table, and he seems to be in his own world.

Hyunjin is also seated at a table, books and paper plastered on the wooden surface as he repairs torn pages. An uninterrupted routine he’s probably grown accustomed to.

“Hello.” You decide to greet the boy as you pass by the table he’s occupying. His hair is swept back today, and it looked like it smelt good.

His eyes light up when he sees you.

“You’re hello again.” He tilts his body so he can look at you, bowing a little. Though, his words come out croaked, and you’re unsure if you heard him right.

“Sorry?” Hyunjin doesn’t repeat himself. Instead, his face grimaces at how he had failed to utter the phrase he had practiced—hello, you’re here again.

But it isn’t his choice of words that surprises you, it’s that he spoke to you at all. His tone is soft, and completely unexpected after the silence you had received the day before. It’s the first words he ever tells you, and you find yourself smiling at the small progress.

A voice in your head tells you that you want to know him more.

So, after a few days of fleeting eye contact and small smiles from afar, you decide to come back to the library.

The afternoon air outside is beautiful, as it always has been when you walk outside, and there’s a mental checklist you go through in your head. Forgetting is so easy, so you try not to.

Buying Kkami dog food was first on the list of things you have to do on your way home from the library. The little chihuahua doesn’t seem to mind being left behind. In fact, Kkami loved his little space on the couch. Though, you still promise to be back as soon as possible, wanting to walk him outside while the sun is still up.

Hyunjin is seated at the same table as he did when he first talked to you, books and pages neatly plastered again when you walk into the library.

Today, you’ll try your second attempt at talking to him.

“Do you… repair all the books yourself?” You ask, looking down at the multitude of pages he’s tending to and the stack of books waiting to be repaired in a trolley parked at the side of his table.

“Yes.” He smiles upon answering, and it’s one that radiates pride in the work he does.

Your lips quaver slightly, trying to find words to say to him. You wonder if it’d be okay with him if you wanted to help out. The work looks interesting, and a little soothing. Would that make him uncomfortable?

Fiddling with the ends of your shirt, you stab your hesitance straight in the chest. “Can I try too?”

His mouth falls agape, and then he’s nodding his head, gesturing for you to take the seat adjacent to him. Hyunjin grabs an extra spatula, passing it to you before smiling shyly down at the books and pages.

“You take the spatula, and spread the glue evenly.” Hyunjin looks up at you before grabbing a page and his own spatula so you can mimic his gestures. “Then, you place the page at its original location.”

He closes up the book he’s working on, patting down at the spine so the glue sticks well. “That’s it.”

“Oh.” You look at his work with fascination, smiling as he sets the book aside. “You’re kind of like a doctor. It’s like you’re applying medicine to the books.”

He grins at your words, eyes averting from your eye contact as he shyly grins. You know he has pure love for what he does, and it warms your heart. It’s a sentiment you wish you had for your job back then.

“I think…” You fix your gaze to your hands that are propped on the table, intertwining your fingers together. “I’m in love.”

Hyunjin’s inability to look you in the eyes seems to falter the moment you speak. His mouth falls back into an ‘o’, and the tip of his ears are awfully red.

“Wait, sorry. What I mean is… I think I’m in love with the process of fixing up old things.” With slightly widened eyes, you gesture at the book he had just fixed cartoonishly, chewing on your lips a little embarrassedly.

The boy in front of you nods, fingers pausing over his task; you turn to look at him, and you’re relieved to see his smile returning.

“I see.” He chuckles, grabbing onto the pages that still need to be glued and grouping them together, tapping them lightly on the table so they align.

“Let me help you.” You reach out to the remaining pages, and Hyunjin looks at you with an expression you don’t quite recognize, but you know has no ill-intent. He always looks this way. Always natural, never forced.

As you quietly work on the task, Hyunjin can’t stop himself from looking at you from time to time. He thinks it’s to monitor your work, but does that excuse the way he stares at the small smile tugging on your lips?

“Has anyone told you how you resemble Aphrodite?”

“Me?” He asks, eyes darting you and the book he’s working on. You grin at him, nodding your head.

“Yes. Goddess of Beauty in Greek Mythology. You know her, right?”

“I do.” He smiles back easily, willing the blush that’s obviously creeping on his cheeks away.

“When I first met you, that character came to mind.” You mumble as you stare at the page in your hands, furrowing your eyebrows as you try to match it to its proper book. You pause, catching yourself before you can misplace the page, and Hyunjin looks up at the sudden silence.

“Which one was this again?” Sheepish. You think you’ve embarrassed yourself more times than not in this library.

You don’t notice Hyunjin leaving his seat, sauntering over to where you’re seated so he can peer at the page and at the books in front of you. “May I?”

His tone is kind, and it didn’t seem as if he were upset that you didn’t know where to put the page. On the contrary, he made you feel as if it was okay that you didn’t know. Quick to reassure.

“I don’t memorize all of these either. I only remember the names and places in the books, and I like drawing to keep an image of them in my head too.” He’s arranging the pages now, putting the corresponding paper atop the book they belong to. “Why don’t you try this one?” The way he says it is so full of expectation, leaning down to hand you a page and you can only smile up at him.

“I’ll give it a try.” You sputter out for words to say, taking the page from him gratefully.

Seungmin watches from a distance, lifting an eyebrow in curiosity as he observes his usually quiet friend speak more words than usual. Though, the observation makes his heartstrings contract.

It goes on like this for a while, silence engulfing the pair of you as you work to repair the books together. Hyunjin showed no signs of you being a bother to him, even reaching out to help most of the time—appreciative of your time. No sound follows, just the beating of your hearts and the rustling of paper.

Until a loud bang rumbles in the sky, interrupting the four of you in the room (even the freckled boy at the corner table who is at the library again today).

Your reaction is instantaneous, jumping back in surprise at the sudden interruption of silence, but a smile replaces the initial shock when you see the gentle pitter patter of rain from the windows.

Hyunjin slips himself out of his seat, rushing to close them so the books don’t get wet as Seungmin goes to help, all while you stare at the drizzle.

You’re reminded of the last day you stepped foot in the city.

“Oh!” You suddenly exclaim when the sound of the rain increases in volume. The burst of rain as the sky splits open reminds you of your laundry and how the initial heat they absorbed must’ve been washed off by the rain.

“I have to go.” You quickly excuse yourself from the boy who has just returned from closing the windows, smiling for the last time before rushing down the stairs to start heading home. Though, you falter in your step. You don’t have an umbrella with you. Should you just make a run for it? You think the jacket you’re wearing can help at least a little bit.

You sigh, about to step into the rain when a hand reaches for your shoulder. Warm and gentle, almost feather-like even. You spin around, only to be met with Hyunjin’s goddess-like features.

“Hyunjin?”

He clears his throat, pulling out his umbrella before handing it to you. “Use this. You’ll get sick.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I can just use my jacket!” Hyunjin doesn’t seem to budge at your rejection, simply smiling as he places the umbrella in your grasp.

“I think an umbrella will do a better job than your jacket.” You laugh a little, not knowing he was capable of teasing. It was cute. He was cute.

“Thank you! I’ll give it back to you tomorrow.” You don’t know why your heart is thumping so fast at the small gesture, but you reason it’s because you’re worried about your laundry. Though, a voice in your head is telling you that’s not quite the answer.

He disappears back into the library, and you shield yourself with his umbrella as you sprint back home to tend to your now wet clothes. The rain smelt acidic as you put away your clothes, setting them aside as the sun seems still so far away in the distance. You’ll hang them back outside when the heat returns.

“Did the thunder scare you?” You pick up Kkami in your arms, cradling him as you try to shield him away from the sudden loudness of thunder and lightning. “I’m sorry I couldn’t walk you out in the sun today.”

The rain is louder in your house, and it’s only when your own stomach grumbles do you remember you were supposed to buy Kkami dog food on your way back home.

Forgetting is so easy.

“I’ll go buy you some food, okay? You must be starving.” You rub the back of his ears, setting him down on the couch before grabbing the umbrella Hyunjin had lent you once again. Though, thankfully, the downpour stops just as quickly as it had started. You’re already inside the family-run convenience store near you when the sky clears out and the sun starts to peek behind the clouds again.

“What can I get you?” You turn to find a shorter man emerge from the back of the store, warm smile etched on his face as he pads his way to where you’re standing.

“I hope the rain wasn’t too hard on you.” He continues. His tone is kind as he waits for you to reply.

“Ah, it was okay.” Though initially caught off guard at the sudden presence, you return the smile gently. “I was wondering if you had any dog food?”

“We do!” He heads to a corner, and the way he grabs the bag of dog food punctuates his arms that you can only now see how big they are. His jawline is sharp too, noticing it the moment he turns that his side profile is visible to you.

He leans down to scoop up the bag in his arms, before heading back to you. “You’re the one who recently moved here, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?” You hand him your payment before taking the bag in your arms, hugging it so the weight isn’t as heavy.

“Chan mentioned. I’m Changbin.” Changbin takes your payment, returning to you the change. “I hope we can be good friends.”

“(Name). It’s nice to meet you. I’ll… get going now!” You motion at the dog food in your hands, to tell him you still had a pup to feed at home before waving goodbye as you hurry back to your house.

There’s almost no rain now, the only sign that it had even drizzled was the acidic smell, the puddles that had formed on the concrete overtime, and the gentle trickle of water from one leaf onto the next.

Kkami is waiting for you at home. No one used to wait for you before.

five.

You come back to the library the next day, just like you said you would. This time, Kkami walks with you to make up for not being able to take him out under the sun yesterday. Though, you don’t expect the handwritten “temporarily closed” sign to be the first thing that greets you as you head for the door.

You place Hyunjin’s umbrella just by the handle, almost in an awkward manner as you continue to peer at the piece of paper taped on the door.

“They both went to Seoul for Seungmin’s test.” A voice behind you averts your attention to the same freckled boy from yesterday.

“Ohh…” You respond, nodding your head in understanding as you walk over to where he’s seated just outside the public library. “I was just gonna return Hyunjin’s umbrella.”

Felix seems surprised, but it only triggers his smile to grow wider than it already is.

“I’m Felix.” You blink slowly, shaking his hand when he stretches it out for you to take. When your hand meets his, he pulls you down to sit next to him. “And who’s this little boy?”

“This is Kkami.”

Felix is a nice guy, pulling Kkami up to cradle him in his arms. The first thing that catches your attention is his freckles—like constellations in the night, littering his face like stars do the sky. You love the stars, though, you don’t see much of them in the city because of the polluted air and the abundance of lights from the buildings that line up.

The boy resembles the very comfort you find in the cluster of stars, a calming quality in him as he smiles down at your dog.

But, just as much as he resembles the stars, he smiles like the sun. Perhaps it's the way his eyes form crescents and the way his lips curve that trigger the sight of the sun. But he’s blinding in the most calming way possible.

“Do you have somewhere else you need to be?” He asks, shots of espresso in the way he speaks. Deep and reverberating. How fitting the way his voice wakes you up like the sun.

“I think I’m just gonna walk Kkami around.”

“Do you mind if I walk with you a bit?” Felix puts your dog down, tilting his head to look at you that radiates so much friendliness. “I don’t really know what to do with the library closed.”

He offers like he’s already your friend.

You knew it was an exaggeration to call him a friend right away, but for you it was just that. Especially when he walks by your side, laughing and talking to you as if he’d known you forever.

“You know, it’s nice to hear Hyunjin talk more.” His lips curl into a lovely smile as he continues to accompany you and Kkami in your walk.

“What do you mean?” You ask, eyes trailing down to Kkami who’s padding ahead of the two of you.

“He doesn’t do too well with strangers, doesn’t even talk a lot with me. I think he’s only ever truly warmed up to Seungmin, so it’s nice to just hear him more.”

You blink in surprise at his words before lifting your hand to where it was staring at Kkami in favor of looking at Felix instead.

“Oh.” You don’t know what to say or how to respond to the sudden revelation he’s laying down on you, and he throws his head back in laughter at your speechlessness.

“Don’t worry, I just felt the need to tell you. You don’t have to say anything.”

It goes on like this more—Felix initiating conversation and talking about almost everything until he has to go home. You end your walk with an exchange of numbers and a promise of ice cream the next time you come to the library together.

When you get home, it’s already 6pm. Kkami falls asleep almost right away, and you’re left to do the little chores you have left for the day. You wonder what you’ll have for dinner.

You’re in the middle of preparing a meal when your phone buzzes where you left it.

Ring, ring.

Your brother never calls anymore. So when you receive a call, you weren’t expecting to find his caller ID on the screen. You thought it was gonna be Felix who forgot to tell you something.

“Hello?” You’re the one who speaks first.

You're a ball of nerves wondering why he’s calling you right now.

“Hey (Name). Are you doing okay?”

“Hey, is something wrong?”

“Hm? Can’t an older brother call his sister to check on her?” There’s a scuffle in the background of his end.

“You never call.” You say quietly, picking at the ends of your shirt as you stare at nothing in particular.

“Oh, hah. Well, the thing is… can you lend us some money? You can sell the ring mom gave you. Itt’s just… our son, all his friends are studying abroad every vacation, but he never went.”

Your brother sounds shameless in his request, as if your mother hadn’t given him everything when she passed. All you have left of her are pictures in your head and the ring she had gifted you. You’ve never worn it, but you kept her going-away present. It’s the only thing you have left of her, and it hurts that your brother even thought of selling it just so his son could go on a trip abroad.

This ring meant something to you. Something more than a trip to him.

“Is this your wife’s idea? Does she want me to sell the ring mom gave me?”

“That’s not it.” He sighs exasperatedly, and you know he’s running a hand down his face at how this conversation is going. “Don’t you feel bad that your nephew is losing confidence because he’s never been abroad before?”

“Hey…” A lump forms in your throat, the familiar hands of pain wrapping around your neck to strangle you into tears. “Do you even… know how I’m living right now?”

Your voice cracks, choking on your own words to know that your brother only calls when he needs something. He doesn’t care. He never has. A sob is brewing in your throat.

“I do! But…” He’s getting defensive now, voice raising so he can try to get his non-existent point across. “My family is short on money right now.”

Family. The word is unfamiliar. It left you the moment your mother passed, replacing itself with loneliness. With emptiness. The unfamiliarity makes your face scrunch in the way it does before a hideous sob leaves your mouth, but you will yourself to get yourself together. Just for another minute, while you’re still on the call with him.

“Am I not family?” You mumble almost incoherently.

You don’t think you can handle talking to him any longer, not when he treats you like a bank account he can solicit money from anytime. Not when the first call you receive from him in years is that of asking you to sell your mother’s ring, not even to ask if you were alright, how you were doing.

The strangers in Angok treat you far better than your own brother.

You hang up before he can say anything else.

He has already caused you unbearable pain, and the reminder of how alone you’ve been. You want the pain to go away, you’ve worked too hard only to let it come back in full force. And there is only one way you know that can take it all away, even just temporarily.

It’s how you find yourself at Minho’s small restaurant, two bottles of Soju empty, and a disoriented haze of the place around you.

Minho doesn’t make it a habit to stick his nose in anyone’s business, but when your wobbly legs attempt to grab a third bottle of Soju, he’s hurrying by your table to stop you. “I’ve just made up a non-existent rule that you can only have two bottles.”

He takes it away from you, and you immediately pout when he does, a whine brewing in your throat. You try to imitate the way Puss in Boots looks, when he widens his eyes to get what he wants, but to Minho—you just look absolutely ridiculous.

“I’ve never heard of that rule before.” You mumble dejectedly, staring at the Soju bottle that Minho’s whisking away and putting back.

“It exists now because you’re piss drunk, and I don’t know how you’ll be getting home.” He says, tone softer than it was when you had first walked in ordering your first bottle, as if not wanting to startle you.

“I’m not drunk!” You blink rapidly, abruptly getting up to which Minho sits you back down so you don’t topple over your own clumsy feet. He mumbles something about getting you water.

“Everything just looks funny right now.” Your words come out in a slur as you look at your surroundings with a curious eye. “But I’m not drunk.”

When he returns, you have your head rested on the table, cheek mushed against the surface as your eyes droop a little in sleepiness. Though, there’s an addition of someone new in his shop. Hyunjin looks at you confused, before he fixes his gaze on Minho as if asking him why you were moping around at one of his tables.

“Don’t look at me. I don’t even know who this is.” Minho says in mock surrender, though, it doesn’t take long before his features mimic that of a Cheshire Cat. “You’ll take her home safely, right?”

Minho quickly ushers the pair of you out, waking you up and pushing you in the direction of Hyunjin who holds out his arms in case your feet decide not to cooperate with you. He needs to close his shop.

“Are you okay?” His arms are still hovering around you, not quite touching you, but prepared to if you ever fall forward.

“Hyunjin? How did you come to find me from so far away?” Your eyebrows furrow together as you stare at the boy beside you, as if there was no way he was real and with you right now.

“I’ll walk you home, okay?”

“I’m a bit drunk. I’m a little bit drunk right now.” You mumble, head still hazy as your eyes blink blearily, feeling the need to inform him. Your legs feel extra wobbly.

“Right. Are you okay?” He pulls you back to his side when you stumble a little too far away, soft tone never changing. He looks at your puffy eyes in curiosity, frowning as he thinks of all the possibilities as to why you had been crying.

“Goodness.” You exclaim in your half-conscious state when you almost trip on something, immediately reaching to what’s nearest to you—Hyunjin’s arm.

“Hyunjinnieee…” You start to sway where you’re walking, clearing your throat as Hyunjin is left predicting what your next move is going to be (on top of wondering why your eyes are red and stingy).

Though, he most definitely doesn’t expect you to start singing.

“Why do you appear before my eyes whenever I’m drunk?” It’s loud, uncharacteristic of the you he’s met, and your arms are flailing around as if to act like a conductor in your own orchestra of sounds.

“You’re going home now, okay?” Your smile is loopy as you nod at his words, continuing to sing the same one line over and over again while skipping in your step.

Hyunjin is attentive to where you’re walking, scooping up a potted plant and setting it aside when you’re about to walk into it. “Careful.”

You tell him all sorts of stories as you head home—how you fell in love with the library, how you never thought you’d own a dog, how you’re glad you’re far away from the city.

He listens. To every single one of your stories, all while making sure you get home safely. He looks both sides before crossing the street, hand outstretched to an incoming car to slow it down as you carelessly walk across without so much as a glance.

“Hyunjin.” You suddenly stop in your tracks.

“Hm?” Hyunjin ushers you to keep moving, hand hovering on the small of your back as you start giggling in your dazed state.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you.”

“Okay.”

“Is it okay if I ask right now?”

“Sure.” He replies, arms dropping back to his sides.

“Do you think you can like me? I don’t think anyone likes me.”

A silence settles between the two of you right after you get the question out. Hyunjin pauses in his actions, staring at you as you keep marching forward to where you live.

He allows himself to ponder over your sudden question. He couldn’t quite explain how he felt about you, but he knows it’s good. He has surprised himself time and time again for willingly continuing conversation with a stranger, but Seungmin has stressed it was good for him.

You emit a type of radiance, one of comfort. Maybe it was the way you smile at him, so softly when people look at him strangely for not being able to speak to them right away. He has only spoken to you once, but he knows he wants to talk to you more.

He wants to get to know you more.

He gives you a fond smile as he catches up with you once more. Hyunjin doesn’t know the connotation behind your question, and he doesn’t know what premise his answer falls under either.

Still, he says, “I already do.”

“Oh, we’re here!” You yell out and immediately quiet down when you realize everyone around you must be asleep right now. “Sorry.” Now in a whisper as you look around sheepishly.

“Can you get in safely?” He questions, worry still eminent in the way he speaks, even as you nod your head to answer his question.

“Don’t worry about me. Bye bye!” When you slip into your home, you immediately fall face first on your mattress and fall asleep. Drinking can be so draining when the world around you spins.

You don’t think about the splitting headache waiting for you the next day.

six.

You're fucked.

This much is clear as you finally finish vomiting in your toilet, images from the night before flashing in your mind— the giggling, the stumbling, and poor Hyunjin. You can still hear his voice in your head, telling you to get in safely. You can still feel the way his hand hovered over your back to make sure you don’t fall over.

Well, shit. This is way beyond anything you’ve ever done, moving up to the number one spot of the list you liked to label ‘embarrassment’. Calling Hyunjin miss and forgetting which pages go to which book moves down a spot at the sudden entry of your drunk ass.

“Kkami, what do I do?” You groan, head falling back against the wall of your bathroom as you stare at the ceiling. Will a letter of apology suffice for the way he had to take you home last night despite his exhaustion of driving to the city?

“This is so embarrassing.” Kkami consoles you by curling up by your side, paw resting on your thigh before his whole head drops to lay atop your leg.

Hyunjin is so pretty too. He’s enchanting in the way he speaks, and the way his eyes sparkle naturally when he does the things he loves. He’s unstinting with his kindness too, never losing patience even as you took a long time to repair the books you had offered to help with. You don’t even know if you helped much, but he never made a move to stop you even as time passed and you were making little progress.

It’s easy to fall into your embarrassment, which is how you find yourself with a notebook in hand, thinking of how the hell you were going to apologize to him. You don’t think you have it in you to go up to him face-to-face and have to recall the events of the night.

You might as well write something.

“About what happened last night…” You look at your notebook with critical eyes, immediately scratching it out to think of a better way to start your note.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I don’t know how to say this.”

The second candidate is just as bad as the first one.

With your chin on the palm of your hands, you rack your brain for every possible way to say sorry. It’s not like apologizing was anything new to you, it’s even become a habit in your work life for the past few years. Always doing something wrong. Always apologizing. Even if it was never your fault to begin with. Though, this time, you want it to be genuine. You don’t want to imitate the phony way you’ve said sorry before.

Your eyes are glazed as you stare at the piece of paper.

Hyunjin has a routine fixed, so you make it a point to reach the library at noon when he’s busy pushing a trolley full of books to return them to where they belong on the bookshelves. He only hears the bell ring when you walk into the library, like you always do.

Peering over the shelves, he finds himself smiling to himself when you wander inside the library. He peels his gaze away for a few seconds to return a few books to their spots, though, apparently that’s also the time it takes for him to hear the bell ringing again, to indicate that you had left just as quickly as you had walked in.

Tilting his head, Hyunjin backs away from his work to check his desk where a small note sits.

“I’m sorry…” with a small drawing underneath.

It looks like the work of a child, but Hyunjin could tell instantly that it was a portrait of you and him from the night before. It prompts a smile on his face, eyes flicking from the note to the door. He keeps the piece of paper in his drawer to think about later.

Hyunjin has never had the courage to strike while the iron was hot, but he finds himself walking out the public library in hopes of catching you before you’ve left.

He finds you seated on the bench outside, eyes trained on the screen of your phone with your legs outstretched.

“Excuse me.”

You almost drop your phone when you hear him, immediately standing up to greet him. He looks good, as he always does. His complexion shines even prettier under the sun. The natural lighting highlights his hair in that it looks more dark brown than black. And his smile. It’s a little less shy now, and more open.

“Thank you for the note… and the drawing.”

He sounds like an angel too. You’ve always found his voice pretty, in a different way from Felix’s deep ocean voice. His was gentle, soft, and way nicer than you remember it being.

You try to think of the right words to say, sputtering over whether you should bring back what had happened last night or simply accept his thanks.

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. “You’re welcome.”

Hyunjin has his hands clasped together in front of him as you speak, rocking himself back and forth on the heel and soles of his feet.

“You must’ve come in safely, then.” You laugh a little at what he says, and it only makes his smile brighter.

“Yeah. I’m sorry again.” It makes you cringe when you think of your behavior, but Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind at all when he puts his hand up as a motion for you to stop apologizing.

“Not at all. I’m just glad to know you’re okay.”

The statement has your cheeks warming up, staring at him and the bag of ice cream you had initially brought for you and Felix. He had texted you earlier saying he couldn’t make it, and promised that he’d be the one to buy the ice cream next time.

Ice cream can be a good peace offering.

Grabbing the bag, you lift it up and smile coyly at the boy. “Do you want some ice cream?”

Hyunjin’s eyes form into crescents at your offer, lips curling up into an easy smile as he makes his way to sit adjacent to you. It feels nice like this, sitting outside in the breeze with only the two of you as you hand him the ice cream flavor of his liking, the tree just behind you doing a great job at shielding you enough that the sun’s heat isn’t too hot, but is still there.

“You know, I prefer cone ice creams over popsicles.” You mention suddenly, looking down at your cone and peering at the popsicle he had chosen for himself. He hums at the information, eyes softening when you ask him the same thing, like his opinions matter to you. Like you want to get to know him too. “What about you?”

“I’m not a big…” He catches himself before he can continue. Hyunjin isn’t the biggest fan of ice cream, but he finds himself unable to reject your offer. It’s an opportunity to sit in this moment with you.

He’d eat ice cream over and over again if it meant being able to stay in this moment.

“Well, ice cream does taste good, but the apple flavor…” He finds that he has a hard time answering your question, pausing to ponder over his words. It has you giggling. He looks cute thinking his options over.

“You don’t have to answer me.”

“But this one is good.” He lifts the popsicle in his hand, taking a bite out of it to show that he was being truthful with his words.

You laugh this time.

“You know, I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing when I first got here. But, I found myself falling in love with the library.” Hyunjin looks at you when you speak, unlike his previous inability to maintain eye contact with you.

“You’ve actually told me that already.”

You tilt your head in confusion. “I have? When?”

“Back then.” He’s gesturing something with his hands, and you continue to stare at him to try and decipher what he was acting out. Though, it’s pretty quick to figure out once he pretends to drink out of a shot glass, and your eyes widen at the realization of when he was referring to.

“Back then?” You repeat, and he chuckles at the way you roll your head back in embarrassment.

He hums in confirmation.

“What else did I say? When I… you know…” You trail off, looking at him for answers, but not quite wanting to repeat the words. He takes the hint well.

He laughs, before shaking his head. “It wasn’t so much talking, but rather singing.”

“I sang?” You stare at him dumbfounded as you try and recall what exactly happened. “I actually sang?” You laugh out loud this time, and you fail to notice the way his entire face lights up at the sound.

“What did I sing?” You look shocked and confused, yet there’s a smile of amusement on your features when Hyunjin actually starts singing the melody you had the night before.

“Why…” He clears his throat. “Why do you appear before my eyes whenever I’m drunk?”

“Wait, stop! Oh my god. Please stop.” You reach forward, resting a hand on the table and leaning forward to get him to stop singing.

“Can you please forget about that entire night?” You bring your hands together almost begging, and he can only laugh in amusement at the way you’re reacting.

“I don’t really think about it that often—“

“You even sang the song!” You interrupt.

“That’s because you asked.” He lifts a hand to scratch at the nape of his neck, bashfully smiling.

“This is so embarrassing.” You hang your head, a wince of an apology soliciting itself from your throat as you swing your feet back and forth to physically cringe at yourself.

Seungmin arrives at that very moment, his own complaints spilling out and drowning yours out. He pauses when he finds Hyunjin outside with you, squinting his eyes suspiciously before letting it go in favor of complaining once again.

“They’re so annoying! They think they’re so high and mighty.” He drops at the seat next to Hyunjin, and you offer him the only ice cream you have left in your bag. You have no idea what he’s talking about, but it seems Hyunjin knows all about it.

“They won’t do it?” Hyunjin asks, and Seungmin all but sighs as he starts peeling the wrapper off the ice cream.

“I mean, I guess it’s not easy to come down here to listen to old people talk.” Seungmin takes an annoyed bite, throwing his head back. “They might make me write the article, too. And I have to do it tomorrow. Can’t someone else do it?”

An idea forms in his head.

Hyunjin looks at you gingerly, and Seungmin visibly perks up when he follows the boy’s line of sight. You clear your throat, suddenly breaking eye contact and looking anywhere but the two boys.

“Will you please do it?” He grins wickedly, whole body tilted to face you as he reaches out to grab your attention.

“Well, you see…” You mumble. “I only proofread when I was working at a publishing company.” You point out sheepishly between each bite at your ice cream, doing your best to not look at Seungmin.

“The fact that you proofread means you’re familiar with writing.”

"Still…” You trail off with your words, not knowing how to defend yourself any further when Seungmin is clasping his hands and begging you to help them do the work. “I’m just not very confident.”

“(Name).” Hyunjin calls, and you look at him in hopes that he has a plan in mind to save you from Seungmin’s request.

“Why do you appear before my eyes…”

Your mouth drops at his words.

“What did you say?” Seungmin questions, and you look back at the boy to subtly shake your head, as if trying to get him to stop. Instead, he smiles a little mischievously.

“Whenever I’m…” You wince, immediately putting a hand up to stop him. Fortunately for Hyunjin, you’ve been begging him to forget about the night before, so you feel as though you owe him something.

With your head hung lightly and a look of defeat on your face, you finally agree to Seungmin’s request.

seven.

When you arrive, Hyunjin is already waiting for you with a camera slung around his neck. He looks so pretty with his hair falling messily over his shoulder. He’s wearing a white shirt and some jeans, though, what catches your eye the most is the huge knitted sweater he’s wearing.

“Hello, good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon.”

You fail to notice his own reaction, too busy admiring his beauty to realize he’s doing the same. Opposite you, Hyunjin’s jaw-dropping reaction to what you’re wearing is staring at your face with a small smile playing on his lips. He’s fiddling with his camera now, eyes traveling from the clip you’re wearing on your hair to the cherry lip balm you’d applied just before leaving.

What colors was he using painting you in his head? Pastel hues with a tinge of vibrancy.

“Shall we go then?” Suddenly, he can’t look at you, eyes trained just behind you as he asks.

“Okay.”

It doesn’t feel like a far walk with Hyunjin next to you. In fact, it barely takes 15 minutes before you reach the house of the person you’re supposed to be interviewing.

The outside of her home is beautiful, and an older woman you don’t recognize greets you and helps you both inside. Her home is surrounded by a wide expanse of grass, the view of the sea beautiful from a distance. The house itself is built with wood, and the row of vegetable plants lining up behind the low-standing table outside provides a breath of fresh air.

“Good afternoon. We’re here for an interview.” You inform politely, and she nods her head as if finally remembering why she’s letting two strangers into her home.

“Sit down, sit down.” Her tone is welcoming as she urges you to sit down, allowing Hyunjin to set up the camera on the camera stand he brought with him. Never imposing as she asks if you need anything else.

“You’re dressed so nicely.” You smile, the full view of her garden behind her accentuating her features. You’re sure she was quite the heartbreaker when she was younger.

“Just relax, and imagine you’re having a chat with your daughter.”

The interview goes smoothly. You ask her of things big and small—her age, her family, her history with Angok, anything you can think of. Seungmin didn’t give you any specifics to ask, just that you would write about her life. In this way, you’d be getting to know her.

She speaks of her children and grandchildren with so much love, that it almost makes you envious that you don’t have a grandmother figure to lean on. You’re all you really have left.

When you look over at Hyunjin, he gives you a toothless grin, as if to assure you you’re doing a great job. It lasts around an hour, and you’re just about ready to go home when she stops you and Hyunjin from fixing up.

“Oh, goodness.” She doesn’t need to ask for Hyunjin to hurry his way to her, grabbing the huge platter of food she grabbed from inside her house, settling it where you had sat earlier.

“I had no idea it was time for food. You guys must be hungry. Come on, let’s eat.”

“Thank you for the food.” You both say, and she only smiles as she admires the young couple in front of her.

The food is cooked with care, having just the right amount of seasoning. There’s a variety of vegetables which you assume to have been freshly picked from the garden she has. Hyunjin seems to mirror your thoughts, immediately praising her for the food.

“The food is delicious.”

“Really?” She finds pleasure in the way you’re enjoying your food. Perhaps, she was trying to catch a glimpse of her children in the two of you.

“Are you two married?” You and Hyunjin pause from eating, staring at each other before looking back at the older woman.

“No, we’re not.” You answer for him, laughing a little at the accusation she had just made. “We’re not married.”

“Oh, too bad. You guys would make a great couple if you were to marry.” She says light-heartedly, staring directly at the boy who’s refusing to make any eye contact at the sudden topic change. Hyunjin nearly chokes on the lettuce he’s eating, coughing a little as he mutters a string of apologies. She only smiles knowingly, offering up some water to the poor boy.

He swallows down his food, putting on a cordial smile directed at the old woman.

The rest of the time plays out without any more questions as to what the relationship is between the two of you, which Hyunjin is more than grateful for. He’s afraid of tripping over his own feet when you’re mentioned as his girlfriend one more time, as if choking on his food wasn’t enough already.

At some point, while you’d been talking, the sun had started to set which prompts the older woman to send in a flurry of farewells as she ushers the pair of you to get home safely.

Looking at you now, while the orange hues of the sun falls on your face, Hyunjin concludes that he feels something for you, evident in the way his heart starts beating a little faster and his palms start to sweat when you’re around. The awkward atmosphere between the two of you is long gone, and he finds himself hearing the gentle undertone of your voice in his head before he falls asleep.

He’s even more floored after today, after having seen first hand how you treat people with so much kindness—even Seungmin, who’s the number one enemy on everyone’s list in this small village. He admires the way you smile at strangers, and your eloquence in conversations even with the little words you say.

It’s only been a while of knowing you, yet he finds himself thinking about you all the time. From the first day you met that muggy afternoon, to how you helped him with repairing the books, even that drunken night where you had sang for him, and the morning after when you shared ice cream with him. He finds himself repeating these moments with you over and over in his head, like sifted sand, until they’re properly engraved in his mind.

“You know… all I really did today was listen to her stories, but my heart feels at ease because of it.”

Hyunjin looks at you as you walk side by side each other, the sunset’s glow falling on everything around you.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

When the wind blows, leaves from the trees lined up near you float around you. From time to time, you’d hear the crunch of crushed leaves as you step on them. All the while, Hyunjin is walking close to you, watching you and listening to you.

“Thank you for working with me on this.” Hyunjin suddenly says, words softer than expected as he locks eyes with you. He wants you to know he’s genuine in his gratitude.

“I hope you’ll like my writing once you get to read it.” You smile nervously, keeping eye contact with him, and you don’t know how pivotal this moment is for the boy. How your kindness is pulling him deeper and deeper into you, everything about you—your sweet smile and your bright eyes.

“I will.”

Talking to you feels easy and natural.

“You will?” A small smile creeps onto your face at his response, and he nods his head in confirmation.

Silence passes.

“I hope we can keep working on this together.” Hyunjin surprises himself with how straightforward he can be with you, with how easy it is to tell you he wants to keep spending time with you.

“If you buy me dinner tomorrow, I’ll think about it.”

The whole world stops in this pocket of time. While everyone goes about their evening, Hyunjin is stuck on your words. Your eyes glisten with a certain type of glow no one can replicate, and he thinks he’ll always remember your face right now, smiling fondly at him, lit by the setting sun.

“Okay. Dinner tomorrow.”

Heat continuously rises to his face the more you look at him, but Hyunjin supposes he can blame it on the sun for now.

eight.

It is exactly 6:36 in the evening when you meet Hyunjin at the library to grab dinner with him.

When the bell rings, he can’t help the smile on his face when he realizes it’s you that’s walking into the library. He never used to smile this much before. But it can’t be helped, not when it’s you.

“Hello.” He’s the one who speaks first.

“Hi.” You reply, mimicking the smile on his face. His eyes are glossy when you meet them.

“Shall we go to dinner?” He lets out a small breath, hovering just in front of you.

Hyunjin looks like a bundle of nerves. You don’t know that, in his head, this feels akin to a first date. One he hasn’t gone on in a long time. So, on the outside, he’s perfectly composed, eyes dropping on the wooden ground. On the inside, however, he’s sweating and twisting and turning and screaming that he’s about to have dinner with you.

“What? Are you buying dinner?” Seungmin’s nosy ears perks up at the mention of dinner, immediately moving from his place behind the desk to join the two of you. “I was just starting to get hungry. Come on, let’s go.”

While Hyunjin wants to be upset at the sudden third wheeling of Kim Seungmin, he finds that he isn’t.

As funny as it sounds, he’s kind of grateful for the sudden interruption. He’s too afraid that if you were to have dinner together, alone, and his fried brain was convincing him it was a first date—his feelings would become too real. He knows he likes you, but he doesn’t want to act on it too soon. He doesn’t want to scare you off, doesn’t want to scare himself off.

Hyunjin has way too much of a feeble heart, that even walking beside you right now, with your hands slightly brushing against the other, he can already hear his heart beating in his ears.

He has always thought of himself as patient, so he doesn’t understand why there’s a growing irritation at the back of his head for the inability to hold your hand in his. It’s even more confusing as he knows he’s never been the type to crave for skinship, never eager for physical touch. So, what’s changed?

“Yah, Lee Minho!” Seungmin’s voice is loud as he walks into the restaurant, though, a much younger boy greets him.

“Innie, where’s Minho?” Jeongin gestures at the kitchen, immediately setting off to find the older boy at the request of Seungmin.

You hide behind Hyunjin the moment Minho appears from the kitchen. You’re sure the memories from that night are still fresh in his mind, and he’d been the first to witness your drunken, hazy state. When he sees you, his lips tug into a lazy smirk, but he chooses not to say anything.

“We went to interview that old lady yesterday.” Hyunjin feels the need to inform Seungmin who’s smiling, pleased with his ability to coerce you into helping them out.

Everyone finally settles down into their seats, Hyunjin cooking the meat silently as conversation starts. Jeongin joins you not long after, asking if it was alright. Your food sizzles behind the chatter around your table.

“What interview?” Jeongin asks.

“A writer didn’t show up, so (Name) did the interview instead.” Seungmin informs the table, and Jeongin nods in pretense of understanding the situation.

“How did you know how to do that? Where did you work in Seoul?” Minho’s the one to ask this time as he refills your meat, setting down a plate of raw pork just by Hyunjin’s arm.

“She worked at a publishing company.” Seungmin says with a mouth full of food.

“I see. Then you must’ve had a lot of boyfriends.”

You tilt your head at Jeongin’s sudden proposition, like he’s trying to fit two completely different puzzle pieces. There’s absolutely no correlation between working at a publishing company and having multiple boyfriends. It seems Seungmin is wondering the same thing, cogs turning in his brain at Jeongin’s stupid question.

“How are those two related?” He deadpans.

“I’ve always found well-read girls charming and attractive.” Jeongin simply shrugs, shoving down another piece of cut-up meat in his mouth before chewing. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

You fail to notice the way Hyunjin suddenly leans closer to the table, suddenly finding interest in the topic when he had been absent for most of the conversation.

“Oh, I used to have one. But we broke up.” You laugh a little nervously, quietly thanking Hyunjin who sets a few cooked pieces of pork on your plate so you don’t run out while eating.

“Why? How long did it last?”

Jeongin and Seungmin seem to have a lot of questions, and you can see Hyunjin sending them a side eye from your peripheral vision at their rather invasive question.

“Quite a long—“

Hyunjin concludes he doesn’t need to know anything about your ex-boyfriend. He smoothly interrupts the conversation by stuffing food in Seungmin’s mouth. “This is about to burn, you should eat it.”

He glares at the boy viciously, but even the scowl on Seungmin’s face couldn't crack Hyunjin’s persistence in cutting the conversation short. He doesn’t know if it's jealousy, never having felt it before, but he knows he doesn’t want the image of you kissing another boy imprinted in his mind.

Thankfully, Jeongin moves on to another topic, speaking about how he’s in the last year of college and how much he hates it. All the while, you and Hyunjin share small smiles from across the table.

You both let Jeongin and Seungmin carry the conversation. You were never good at keeping the flow of one going anyways. So, instead, you play the listening role. The one you’ve always been good at.

Throughout dinner, Hyunjin does little things for you. He refills your empty glass of water, he puts meat on your plate so you don’t run out, and he constantly checks up on you—to see whether you were overwhelmed with the loudness of the two boys.

He does so by looking at you with an endearing smile, light dimples on his cheeks as he chuckles when you smile back at him. It’s a quiet conversation between the two of you, even if it’s just communication between smiles. Hyunjin is like a breath of fresh air from the crackling volume surrounding you.

He offers to walk you home after the four of you finish up with dinner, telling you that he couldn’t allow himself to simply let you walk alone in the dark. You respond with the crinkling of your eyes and a soft ‘thank you’.

Being with Hyunjin, alone, is quite possibly the purest form of comfort you will ever know. He’s tender and gentle and attentive, like he knows what it’s like to have the peace you value being breached constantly. Though, lately, you find that the quiet you crave for isn’t necessarily complete silence. It’s the comfortable and uninterrupted calm you feel when you’re with Hyunjin—whether at the library or walking home together from dinner. When he’s with you, warmth always makes an appearance.

There is no demand to make conversation.

You let your gaze veer off to the sea and how the waves crash along the shore. There's a breeze softly wafting through your hair, and you smile at just being able to view the ocean anytime you want. A pleasure you’ve always been denied off back in the city.

As your simple house comes into view, your shoulders fall at knowing he would have to leave now. You stop in your tracks, biting at your lips, and Hyunjin waits for you to say something. Never demanding. Always patient.

“Do you wanna meet my dog?”

His mouth opens in response, before a toothless smile forms in his features. “I’d like that.”

Kkami’s wiggling body with his wagging tail is the first to greet you when you open the door. You crouch down, arms open so he can jump onto you just the way he likes. “I’m back. I’m sorry to keep you waiting all this time.”

“Come in, come in.” You urge Hyunjin to get in, resuming your standing position so you can close the door behind him. “You can keep your shoes on if you’d like.”

He refuses, immediately taking them off before crouching down to greet the long-haired Chihuahua. They get along right away, Kkami constantly tapping his paw on Hyunjin’s knees to get his attention.

“I’ll get you something to drink.” You disappear into the kitchen, grabbing him a glass of water before hurriedly returning.

His hand brushes against yours when he reaches to take the glass from you, and you hate how fumbly the simple gesture gets you. It makes you feel like you’re back in high school, helplessly crushing on the boy who’s way out of your league.

“I think he likes you more than me now.” You crouch back down, looking at the way Kkami nudges his head on the side of Hyunjin’s thigh.

“I think he’s just a friendly dog.” He reassures you, though, he can’t help but feel a little pride that your dog immediately warms up to him. He’s always wanted a dog too.

When Kkami starts to give his attention back to you, Hyunjin calls him back. “Come here. There’s food here, can’t you see?”

His false bribery has you laughing.

“Now you’re just lying to my dog.”

He’s unfazed, continuing to lie to your poor dog about the invisible food he has in hand. “I have food for you, come here.”

“Wow, my dog left me and chose you because of your fake food.” You pout when Kkami successfully sits himself on Hyunjin’s lap, barking in glee when the boy rubs the back of his ears.

He sets the empty glass on a table nearby, careful not to drop it with Kkami still on him, gaze falling on the ring around your finger when you take it so it’s safe in your kitchen sink.

“Your ring is really pretty.” His compliment is genuine, and you can’t help but smile as you look down at the metal band your mother had given you, the one you started wearing since your brother called.

“My mom gave it to me. It has the number 220 engraved on it, apparently for bravery.”

“Suits you very well then.”

“I was really afraid when I first moved here, you know. I had no idea what I was doing. I thought I’d fallen into defeat.”

You recall your uncertainty when you had left everything you’d ever known in the city, following the heartbeat in the town of Angok.

“Men are not created with defeat in mind. We may fall at times, but we’re never defeated.”

“That’s a good line.”

“I stole it from a book.” He says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “Wanna know something cool?”

You nodded your head, sitting with your legs crossed on the floor in front of him.

“Your ring has the number 220, right? Well, back in college, I used to play sports. My jersey number was 284.” You don’t know where he’s going with this, but you listen anyway.

“They’re both amicable numbers. The sum of factors of 220 is 284, and the sum of the facts of 284 is 220.” He says with a smile, hands smoothing down your chihuahua’s fur. “These numbers are linked together by some fate, like your ring and my jersey.”

Hyunjin is a quiet surprise, sputtering about amicable numbers and mathematics to you. It’s almost endearing, how he had found something between the two of you and connected it to something he knows.

Your ring and his jersey. Amicable numbers.

There is so much to Hyunjin, so much you still don’t know and want to learn.

“That is pretty cool.” You think back about it in your head, how rare these numbers are, and how they found themselves to the both of you. Maybe knowing Hyunjin has always been written in the stars, and maybe you’ll know him in every lifetime after this one.

At the same time, Hyunjin is grinning to himself. He’d always thought love was far off, but it looks like it’s been in front of him this whole time, smiling back at him. He knows what he’s feeling, this overwhelming warmth, and he knows it’s real now more than ever.

In this moment, there is nothing else but you, him and Kkami and the knowledge that he’s falling in love with you. Right here, right now, all he sees are your eyes and your smile and the way your hands are brushing as you lean down to scratch Kkami’s ears.

Hyunjin feels like his heart is about to burst, and he has to clear his throat and put Kkami down in some poor excuse of needing to get home. He has to before he does something he might regret. The tides of the waves are pulling at him to make a move on you, and he’s afraid he might never make it to shore at the sheer overwhelmingness of his feelings for you. Could it be possible that you made a move instead?

“I think I have to get going now.” He whispers, and you nod your head, moving to stand up when he does. “Thanks for coming to meet Kkami. You should say goodbye to Hyunjin. Say thank you for visiting! Goodbye!”

You move Kkami’s paw to imitate waving.

“Goodbye!” His smile is wide as he bends down to wave back at your dog, taking small steps backwards until he’s by your door.

“I’ll write up a story about the lady we interviewed and send it to you.” You mention, fumbling with the knob to open it for him.

“Sure.” When you don’t make a move to say anything else, he turns his back to start walking away.

“By the way…” Hyunjin immediately turns back around, both hopeful and hesitant at what you have to say to him. His eyes hold yours, waiting for you to continue. “Are you free—“

“Good evening!” Chan’s booming voice interrupts what you were able to say. “Sorry it took me so long. I’m here to help you with the water leakage?”

You’d almost forgotten. You had called Chan earlier this morning to ask if he could help you fix up the issue with your sink.

“No, it’s okay. Hi, good evening.”

“Weren’t you about to say something?” He asks, and you suddenly feel too shy to ask if he wanted to hangout with you soon. The Little Mermaid live action was coming out soon, and you’d been excited to check it out. You thought, maybe it would be fun to watch it with him.

“Ah, it’s nothing.” An unidentifiable emotion flickers in Hyunjin’s features when you suddenly double back on what you were supposed to say—of dejection? You can’t say for sure, especially when a small smile returns to his face and he’s waving goodbye at you one last time.

“Chan, come in.” In your head, you’re still bruising yourself over cowardly backing down from asking Hyunjin to eat dinner with you tomorrow, hopefully with just you two this time.

Your water leakage problem doesn’t take too many steps, but it does need a few tools that only Chan has. When he finishes, you tell him to sit down a little, finding something to offer him for fixing up what had been broken under your sink.

“What’s going on between you and Hyunjin?” It catches you off guard, the unfiltered way he suddenly asks the question with obvious teasing dripping down his tone.

“Nothing.” You say too quickly, shaking your head.

“I was kidding. You don’t have to tell me.”

“Aren’t you gonna pry?” You’re not used to anyone not prying. Back in the city, you barely could keep anything a secret. Always forced. Always fidgety with the way they ask you questions, only to use that information against you later.

“No. As long as you’re happy, and both of you don’t get yourself hurt.”

His considerateness is breathtaking, and it almost has you tearing up the way he treats you better than your own brother. Chan doesn’t need to hug you for you to feel safe, he just has to smile and look at you with his eyes round of warmth.

He feels familiar, like… family. You think this is what family should feel like.

“Thank you, Chan.” You breathe, and he breathes with you. He reminds you he’s only one call away, and your heart feels like it’s being stripped until it’s bare.

This is family. Chan is family.

And Hyunjin quite possibly is love.

nine.

The epiphany you had posed to yourself the night before proved to be almost as difficult as the one you had when you had left the city. Inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it scared you less. Uncertainties often make you feel vulnerable, and what is love but a thread of uncertainties waiting to be untangled?

You can’t focus in your little rented space, the four corners tend to look smaller and smaller when you’ve trapped yourself long enough in your head. It’s terrifying, to feel the walls closing in on you. So, you might as well take Kkami out on a walk where you aren’t encased in liminal space.

The breeze outside is the kind that takes all the weight off your chest, leaving you to start anew in your train of thoughts. When you try to find the beginning of when you had started to see Hyunjin differently, you lose the thread and find yourself empty-handed. No one has told you how difficult it is to tend to the knotted spool of love.

Was it in his kindness which he showed in the smallest ways, barely noticeable but there when you look close enough? He doesn’t smile in large amplified ways, but the way he looks at you with intention leaves such an impact.

Everything he does—on purpose and by choice and intentionally. From the way he constantly checks on you, and the umbrella he had offered, and the patience that never seems to run thin. He smiles and talks to you by choice, and he gets to know your dog intentionally. You’re enamored with the entirety of Hyunjin, with the way he’s passionate about his job, and the gentle way in which he helps those around him whether that’s driving Seungmin to Seoul or treating Jeongin to dinner. He’s beautiful as he listens, as he shows that he will always listen.

It’s a lot to handle, and it’s a huge epiphany to admit to yourself, so you walk without destination. Nature and the beauties of Angok, you find, can take your mind off of anything. Just like that day you had escaped the city.

There are birds singing from the trees, accompanying the wind with their tunes as they whistle. The breeze carries it everywhere, the sound of their whistling, the crashing of the waves bathing the seashore. Had you really existed in a time before you’d known the salt of the ocean breeze and the sun shining the entire village with a glow?

Everything is beautiful here. There’s nothing that isn’t with the flurry of color bursting in the town of Angok, with the gentle chatter of generations of people who live there, with Hyunjin’s back walking a little ahead of you.

“Hyunjin?”

Maybe you don’t really care about the multitude of ways you can unravel the knotted spool. Maybe the only thing that matters is this moment with him, and every other moment with him.

He turns around immediately at the recognition of your voice, lifting a hand up to wave at you before greeting Kkami. You shoot him a smile, speeding up a little to catch up with him as he stands planted on his spot. Kkami runs faster than you do, already barking by Hyunjin’s feet and jumping up to get the boy’s attention.

There is no overthinking in the way he smiles back at you so easily. No thread to think about.

“Hi.” His gaze never falters from yours, even as noises stir around from a distance.

“Hello. I was just walking Kkami.”

“If we’re going the same way, why don’t we walk together?” He offers.

“Okay.”

A heartbeat passes.

“By the way, what are you doing out here? You know… instead of being in the library.” You ask inquisitively, not used to seeing him outside so early in the day.

“Seungmin’s been a bit anxious over the next part of his exams, so I went to buy him some food. It always calms him down.”

It’s only then you realize the bag of food he’s holding, and the sight only melts your heart further.

“You’re a really good friend.”

“I just do good upon others as I wish the same for myself.” How lovely, how he wants to make the world so painfully beautiful that people want to live in it.

“Well, the world isn't as cold and gloomy because of you.” You smile, and Hyunjin can’t help the way his words jumble up in his mouth at the kindness you utter. He’s wordless, all tangled in longing and flustered-ness.

You make him feel like he can hold sunlight in his hands.

“I’ll be going this way now.” A point in the opposite, and Hyunjin can only frown in disappointment of your time cut short.

“Take care.” He says, standing his ground as he watches you and Kkami start to walk away from him.

Static is zipping through the air, louder than ever. Hyunjin’s fiddling with the straps of his pants, contemplating and contemplating and contemplating—

“(Name)!” The sound of your name on Hyunjin’s lips makes your head instantly turn back.

“Yes?”

Hyunjin’s fumbling with everything he’s ever known, eyes falling to his own hands before back to yours.

“By any chance, are you going to have dinner—“ Hyunjin pauses. No, that doesn’t sound right. “I mean, are you busy tonight?”

“I’m not.”

A knowing smile on both your faces.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“I’d like that a lot.”

The thread is long gone.

ten.

Hyunjin has a profound ability of surprising you every time. He’s almost unpredictable in his kindness—showing up when you’re drunk, refilling your plate with meat, and now handing you a bag of dog toys for Kkami.

“I thought he might like this.”

“Oh, thank you.” You take the bag gratefully, smiling at the selection of chew toys inside before looking back up at the boy. “I haven’t gotten him anything nice, so thank you, really.”

“I also have this for you.” He brings out more shyly this time—a necklace beaded in shells. You look down at it, the necklace. No one’s given you anything in a long time. “You always have this look on your face when you look at the beach. So, it just… reminded me of you.”

You lift it up carefully, almost feather-like as you stare at the simple necklace.

“Hyunjin.” The way he’s looking at you is so powerful, yet so vulnerable at the same time, eyes tinging in hope that you’d like the little present he had gotten you. It’s a look you can feel inside. “Thank you.”

He helps you wear it when you attempt to wrap it around your neck yourself. Wordless, you don’t have to say anything as he gently closes it to encase it around your neck.

“Do you like it?” There it is again. That vulnerability.

“I love it.” You smile, hand lifting to fiddle with the necklace. “I’m never taking it off.”

Hyunjin’s eyes soften, features glowing under the streetlights as you finally resume your walk to where you’ll be eating dinner together.

He had called himself out multiple times as he was pondering over whether to buy it for you or not the moment he sees it, telling himself he was too obvious with the way he feels for you, and yet the thought of the sincerity in your face when you receive it overpowers the voice in his head. He finds himself getting it for you. He was always gonna get it for you the moment he saw the necklace.

“Then, do you want some chicken and beer?” Hyunjin asks as you reach a crossroad, multiple intersections splitting the road into separate parts of the village.

“Chicken and beer?”

“Mhm. Last night, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted chicken and beef before Seungmin tagged along.”

“Oh?” You smile at the thought. “That sounds good actually. Wait, let me search a place up.”

You barely even unlock your phone when Hyunjin starts speaking again.

“Well, if we go that way,” he motions to the first intersection. “There’s a really old place that sells amazing fried chicken. And there’s a place down that way where the interior is nice and spacious, but the chicken doesn’t taste as good.”

“And down that way,” he continues, pointing towards the other intersection. “There’s a place with outdoor tables known for its refreshing beer.”

“You’ve really done your research.” You grin, fiddling with the phone in your hands as you look at Hyunjin who has his shyly behind his back after he has finished speaking.

“Yeah.” He exhales, smile still on his face. “Just in case.

Just in case he got enough courage to ask you out is the continuation of his sentence, though he chooses to omit it for now.

“I…” You ponder, recounting the options in your head before forming a number 3 with your fingers. “Choose number three. Beer tends to vary more in taste than chicken.”

“I see.” He nods his head, taking your words in as he thinks about the numerous times fried chicken had tasted the same to him. “Well then, let’s go that way?”

A silver of the moon shines on the two of you as you settle down the table, arriving 10 minutes after you had pondered over your choices at the intersection. The night breeze is pleasant, blowing in between the two of you until your stomachs are full from the food.

“This is so refreshing.” You praise after having taken a chug out of your beer, leaning your head back to savor the taste longer. “Whoever thought of eating chicken and beer together is a genius.”

He listens, hanging on to every single word you say as he takes a bite out of his own piece. The sight has him wondering if you were free tomorrow too.

Similarly, you’re thinking if you should try to invite him to watch Little Mermaid with you again.

“Are you also busy tomorrow?” His sudden question has your cheeks heating up despite the cold of the breeze and the beer.

“Why? Do you wanna see a movie?” It comes out fast, blurted, speeding from your mouth.

“A movie?”

Oh, shit. You didn’t even realize how you’d suddenly sprung up the topic on him without so much as an introduction.

“What I meant was… there’s just this movie I really wanted to see, and I think it’s out in theaters already.” You laugh a little at your own slip up, hoping to have clarified it better.

The sound makes Hyunjin’s smile widen.

“I see.” He takes a sip out of his own beer.

It’s silent for a while. A second blending into a minute, until you decide you can’t take it any longer.”

“Do you want to come with—“

“Should we watch—“

You make eye contact the moment you speak over one another, and it’s enough to trigger the laughter that’s bubbling in your throats at the sheer coincidence of asking each other out at the same time.

“Only if it’s okay with you.” He says once the pair of you stop giggling, tone significantly softer..

Always putting your comfort at the top priority.

“I’d actually really like that.”

It’s all smiles as you pay for your meal, and you don’t quite notice the slow pace in which the two of you are walking home, as if never wanting the moment to end. As if the great sense of contentment is too much to let go of right away.

Your footsteps fall in with Hyunjin’s, and your smiles never leave your faces on the rest of your way home.

eleven.

Hyunjin spends two days in Seoul to accompany Seungmin as he finishes up the final stages of his Civil Licensure exam.

The first day away from the library is spent just at home, cleaning and finishing up on chores you’ve been meaning to do—putting away your clothes after doing laundry, feeding Kkami, sweeping the floors, and even dusting some shelves because of the abundance of free time. It’s therapeutic, the way you’re able to hold your own time and decide what you want to do for the day. In the afternoon, you walk your chihuahua outside, exploring more of Angok than you could’ve dreamed. It’s a beautiful village, and you find you don’t mind the lengthy walk. If it means you get to be with nature leisurely, you don’t have anything to complain about.

There’s so much time for happiness here, unlike the dark of your room in the city.

When you pass by the library the next day to continue mapping out Angok, you’re surprised to see the hunched over figure of Felix by the benches. You wonder what he’s doing here.

“Felix?” You speak cautiously, tentative even as you walk to his side.

The closer you get, the more you hear his sniffles. An alarm sounds in your head, and you immediately reach a hand over to rub his back as gently as possible. “What’s wrong?”

The words he mumbles are unclear, incoherent as they come out jumbled and stuttered. When he finally lifts his head up, the sight physically hurts you. Who could dare hurt the sun?

You move some of his hair out of his face, sitting down next to him. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Instead of answering, he lunges forward, jumping in your arms to seek comfort in your hug. It catches you by surprise, not because you’re uncomfortable, but because it’s only now you realize how long you’ve gone without a hug. You didn’t grow up from an affectionate family, and your time in the city knew of no comfort. This feels far better than pressing your back against your bed.

Snapping from the initial shock, you wrap your arms around him and pull him closer which only seems to let him release a louder sob. It seems he really needed this.

“I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.” His words are deep and choked, head still buried on your shoulder as he soaks up the shirt you’re wearing.

“You could never disappoint anyone.” You run a hand through his hair, the other hand running smooth circles on his back.

You don’t know how long you hold him like this, but after a while, his tears finally subside and he moves to pull away from the embrace. “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Reaching out, you swipe away the tears on his wet cheeks, smiling softly. You’re relieved when you see him return the gesture. It seems he doesn’t want to talk about what happened, but you find that it’s okay. He likes that you just listen without demanding him to tell you everything.

“Wanna go eat something at Minho’s? My treat.” You whisper, afraid to startle the poor boy, and his eyes seem to brighten at the suggestion.

“Would that really be okay?”

“Of course. Come on.” You walk with him to Minho’s little restaurant, making small conversation about anything he wants to talk about. If it means he’ll forget about whatever hurt him, you appease any topic that spills from his mouth.

“Ah, good afternoon (Name), Felix.” Minho waves when you enter his space, and you wave back at the boy.

He finally knows your name.

The ten minutes it takes to wait for the food is apparently the same time it takes for Jisung and Chan to stumble into the restaurant and greet the two of you loudly. They drop at where you’re seated, adjacent from you and Felix as they ask you questions of how you’re doing and what you two were up to.

You’re keen to stay as Felix’s emotional support, looking at him first before answering the two boys. It seems he feels way better now, in the presence of people he considers home.

“Look what I have.” Jisung brings out another tupperware from his bag, opening it up to reveal some cupcakes his mom had probably baked again. He excitedly takes one for each of you, babbling about how he can’t finish it all himself or else he’ll suffer from high blood pressure. “I’m glad I bumped into you guys. My mom’s been going crazy with the baking.”

“Felix likes baking too, right?” You turn to the boy next to you, and he nods his head as he recalls the conversation you had earlier on the way here.

“I’ve been trying to make some brownies.” He’s proud as he speaks, hands moving animatedly as he explains to them the process. The three of you listen carefully, immediately demanding him to bake some for you guys to which Felix says he will in his free time.

“Jeongin’s on his way.” Chan nudges Jisung who suddenly stands from his seat. He grabs a cupcake from the container, and you think he’s about to give it to the younger boy when suddenly, the icing crashes on the unsuspecting Jeongin’s nose.

“Are you nuts, Jisung?!” He exclaims, peeling the cupcake away from his icing-stained face.

“That’s what you get for rejecting my kisses.” Jisung smirks mischievously, though it’s quickly wiped off when Jeongin swiftly grabs a chunk of the icing and slaps it on the older boy’s cheek.

Minho’s voice is booming as he says, “Hey, don’t get the floors dirty!”, though there seems to be a hint of fondness on his features as he watches everything unfold before him.

“Oh my god.” With a hand covering your mouth, you can’t help the giggles from spewing it as Felix snorts from beside you.

“Come here, let’s wipe it off.” You get up from your seat, guiding Jeongin to the seat next to yours as you grab a pack of tissues from your bag, moving to wipe the smeared icing from his nose, cheeks, and eyes.

“What about me?” Jisung pouts, and Chan all but laughs as he pulls the boy down to start doing the same thing.

“Are you guys okay?” Felix’s voice is way steadier now, more than it was earlier, and it even holds laughter in it. Your heartbeat calms down at knowing he must feel better. At least this moment can take away what pained him, even for a few hours.

“You have a death wish, Han Jisung.”

“Not the government name.”

Though, Jisung only laughs at the threats spilling from Jeongin’s lips, proud of his work.

When Minho brings the food, Jisung successfully pulls him down to eat with all of you. It’s polarizing how you used to hate meal times, used to hate thinking about what to eat, or the fact that you’d be eating alone. Now, with laughter roaring from your table, you find yourself excited.

People are calling out for you to eat.

You spend hours there, listening to their stories. Before you know it, night dawns upon you, and Felix offers to walk you home.

“(Name)?”

“Hm?” You turn your head to look at Felix who’s already looking at you with a smile on his face.

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything, though.” You laugh, and Felix shakes his head as he maintains unwavering eye contact.

“Thanks to you, I feel happier now.” There’s a toothless grin on his face, though, it’s threatening to grow even wider by the second.

He genuinely looks happy.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Felix’s words stay stuck in your mind even as you lay down to sleep. For a brief moment, you were able to make him happier. You don’t think you’ve ever felt more accomplished than this very moment. There are no words to describe how beautiful the feeling is of being the cause of someone’s smile.

The rest of the night is spent thinking, and it’s only when your phone buzzes is it interrupted.

hyunjin (10:48pm): hi, are you asleep? i hope i’m not bothering you

yn (10:49pm): hello! not asleep yet :) you’re not bothering me at all

hyunjin (10:51pm): seungmin’s exams ran longer than i thought

yn (10:51pm): tell him i said hi !!

hyunjin (10:52pm): is texting a bother? do your wrists hurt when you type?

yn (10:52pm): just a little

He calls you suddenly, and it’s enough for your heart to jump straight out of your chest. Pressing the phone to your ear, you finally speak. “Hello?”

“I hope your wrists don’t hurt anymore.” You can hear the mumble of cars honking in the background, but his words tune them out.

“I guess this will do.”

Hyunjin pauses for a moment, allowing himself the moment to soak up the warmth of your voice and how two days is far too long to be away from your sweet voice.

“It’s nice to hear your voice.”

You swallow hard, shutting your eyes as you bring the phone away a little to let out a suppressed scream. You feel like a schoolgirl, kicking your feet and giggling over his words.

Calming yourself down, you reply, “But, don’t you have to sleep now?”

“Hmm, not yet.“

“Well, what do you wanna talk about?”

“Everything. I wanna know everything about you.” He breathes from his end of the line, running a hand through his hair.

You can hear the sincerity from his voice even if you can’t see him.

“Oh.” You murmur. There’s a blush playing on your cheeks. How is he able to make you feel everything all at once?

The conversation lasts almost 2 hours, until he has to let you go so you can sleep before the clock strikes one in the morning. He feels slightly terrible for keeping you up, but he’s selfish in that it doesn’t bother him that much. Hyunjin missed you, missed the lull of your voice, and he’s happy to have heard it before going to sleep.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? For the movie?”

“Okay. See you.”

You can almost see him, open-mouthed smiles as he speaks. It’s always so evident in his voice when he does.

“Goodnight.”

“Sleep well.”

Hyunjin drifts off to sleep, and it’s the best one he’s had since yesterday.

twelve.

You tug at the dress you’re wearing as you wait outside the theater building. It’s a simple sleeveless white dress that goes down just above your knees, yet you’re still a little nervous whether you’re underdressed or overdressed. Your hair is down as it always is, a little messed up from the wind, and you had worn lip gloss after Kkami had barked once when you’d asked him.

It’s a simple theater for a simple date. You’re not even sure if you could call it a date, yet you were both ecstatic to finally watch the movie and to watch it with Hyunjin.

Smoothening down the creases of your dress that aren’t even there, you finally catch sight of Hyunjin from afar. He looks so handsome with his white sweater and denim pants, hair tucked behind his ears as he wears a pretty-boy-but-is-unaware smile.

Aphrodite’s son.

He’s waving at you, cheeks flushed in a warmth you fail to see as you try to suppress your own grin.

His knee-jerking reaction to you is open-mouthed staring, eyes moving from your eyes to your lips to your hair to your dress all in the span of a second.

Hyunjin isn’t as relaxed as he thought he was. He had prepared himself to see you again after two days, prepared to watch a movie with you and possibly brush hands as you reach for the popcorn, though he wasn’t quite prepared for the white dress you’re wearing. His brain short circuits, and he’s malfunctioning.

“Shall we head inside?”

He’s not able to respond right away. You’re pretty, and he’s nervous, and you’re pretty, and his palms are sweating, and you’re pretty, and words are failing him, and you’re pretty, and you’re shifting your weight back and forth, and you’re so pretty.

“(Name).” Hyunjin’s finally able to say. “You look beautiful."

You look up at him and he looks away. You can only blush in response as you thank him, fiddling with the necklace you’re wearing.

“I’m wearing this by the way.” If Hyunjin thought he couldn’t smile even more, he was wrong, especially peering down at the necklace he had gifted you. The one you’re wearing.

It was nearly seven o'clock when you finished watching the movie. You’re still excited over seeing one of your favorite Disney princess’s on the big screen, but you’re starting to feel a little tired.

The crowded bus was too much for the both of you, so you decide to walk back together. Thirty minutes might sound like a long walk, but Hyunjin begs to differ if it meant being separated from you at the end of it.

Thirty minutes is way too short to walk with you.

“The movie was fun.” He breaks the silence, and you nod your head in agreement with a huge smile on your face. You can still picture Ariel in your head, yet what stuck out most to you was the panicked way Hyunjin had been when he first walked in before completely relaxing when he was seated next to you.

“Hyunjin.”

“Yes?”

“You seemed like you’ve never been to a theater before.”

“It is my first time.” He looks down at his feet, a small grin tugging on his lips at how he’ll forever be able to hold the memory of watching a movie for the first time in theaters.

Especially when it was with you.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“That’s amazing.” It comes out as a whisper, genuinely shocked that Hyunjin hadn’t bothered coming into theaters at all. There’s so much to him, and you want to learn them all.

“Why don’t we kill some time by playing 21 questions?”

“Okay.” He replies a little too quickly for his liking. He can’t hide his eagerness at getting to know you and everything about you. Like that phone call last night.

“Okay.” You repeat, smiling while nodding your head as you think of a question to ask. “Hmm, what’s your favorite fruit?”

“Apples are my favorite.”

“Wow, you answered so quickly.” A quiet chuckle escapes his lips at the realization. Though, you should’ve made the connection when he had mentioned apples back when you had offered him some ice cream.

“Mine are strawberries!” You point excitedly at the black crochet bag you always carry with you, a big strawberry in the middle.

“Strawberries.” He keeps in mind, looking back at you as you keep talking, asking him one question after the other.

You are so lovely, Hyunjin thinks. The sort of person puts a smile on everyone’s face when you walk into the room. The way you quietly speak and the humble way in which you treat everyone has Hyunjin thinking that you must be unaware of how much of an impact you actually have on the people around you.

Seungmin is thankful for you, admiring your hard work. Hyunjin has caught him rereading the article you had written multiple times, praise leaving his lips when he thinks no one can hear.

Chan sees you as a little sister, so fond of you in such a short amount of time. He thinks he’d do anything to keep that smile on your face.

Felix thinks of flowers when he sees you.

“Oh, the moon looks so pretty tonight.” You suddenly mention, staring wondrously at the bright moon and the way the stars litter the sky.

“Do you wanna sit down for a moment?”

“Can we?” The excitement in your voice is hard to miss as Hyunjin guides you over to sit on a block situated at the side of the street. It’s the perfect spot, offering you a view of the sea and the pretty night sky.

You close your eyes to listen to the waves crashing clearer, to feel the breeze better, to smell the salty scent of the sea.

Your thoughts drift everywhere; to your escape from the city to the first time you met Hyunjin and the way he hadn’t spoken a single word to you. It’s always been at the back of your head, but you never so much as spared it any time to resurface. Though, now was probably the perfect time to ask him about it.

“Can I ask one more question?”

“Of course.”

“When we first met, why did you not talk to me?”

Hyunjin thinks back at the time, almost letting out a small laugh in embarrassment when he remembers the way he had greeted you with nothing but silence. It was only a matter of time before you’d ask him.

“Actually…” He looks down at his hands, carefully folded on his lap. “I have trouble talking to strangers.”

“Does that mean you feel comfortable around me now?” Oh, his stomach doesn’t feel so great at the way you’re looking at him right now. He has never felt such violent butterflies in his stomach.

“Yeah.” Blink and you miss it, the way his eyes flicker to your lips before frisking them away to stare at the moon instead.

You stretch your legs out, swaying them back and forth as you lull your head back to stare at the vastness of the sky. The waves and your subtle breathing are the only sounds that accompany the stillness with Hyunjin.

How long had that same peace transferred from the library to the boy seated beside you?

This moment feels nice, though, it seems to only be a catalyst at making you realize how real your feelings are. Hyunjin really is starting to feel like love.

He looks at you as you’re too busy staring at the little things nature had sent to keep you two company.

“When I’m with you, it’s nice that I don’t have to talk so much.” You say suddenly.

His eyes never once leave you as you speak, and it only has his heart beating faster when he realizes that the look in your eyes is something so similar to the way he looks at you. It’s the same one he gives you when you don’t notice him looking at you. The stripped back and bare softness he shows even when he doesn’t try to.

“It’s the opposite for me.” He speaks with a smile that he doesn’t even notice has grown brighter and brighter. “When I’m with you, I tend to talk more.”

Lovestruck is the only word to describe the way his words slip out of his mouth, and no level of words can possibly describe the softness in his eyes.

“Ever since I was young, talking to someone… always felt like a burden to me. It’s never felt that way with you.”

The way you’re looking at him only encourages him to speak more—your naturally dusted cheeks, gentleness swimming in your eyes, and the wind blowing through your hair. How can you sit there and be so unaware of how beautiful you are?

“This is a little selfish of me but…” Midway through his sentence, he breathes out a little. As if to help him in saying what’s burning on the tip of his tongue. “I hope you don’t leave.”

You lean forward to hear him better.

“When you first came to the library to make a membership card, when we spent the afternoon repairing books, when I took you home when you were completely wasted… when we had ice cream together on the library bench, when we went to interview the old lady together, and when you let me meet Kkami the night we had dinner together…”

What was happiness before he knew what your smile looked like and what your voice sounds like? Hyunjin’s voice gradually softens with each memory he recounts.

“I was happy. I’m truly happy that you came to Angok.”

There's a stifling silence on the other end, as you process his words.

You never stood a chance. You were gone the moment you had set eyes on him, when you had accidentally caused a small commotion in Angok’s public library. You had signed over your heart the second he had uttered his first words to you—“you’re hello again.”

His eyes flicker from yours down to your lips, and there’s a hitch in your breath as you breathe in. It feels as though your heart could explode at any moment.

Hyunjin reaches out to brush a hand against your cheek, tentative as he draws himself closer to you. His hand is warm against the night breeze, and you find yourself leaning against him unconsciously.

“So I really hope you don’t leave.” He whispers, and you breathe at the overwhelming sincerity.

His eyes drop back down to your lips, face hovering over yours. Almost hesitant. It’s like he’s waiting for you to make a move, waiting for you to show you won’t leave. You push your lips in his, and he’s still for a second, as if unable to believe you’re kissing him at this very moment.

When he’s finally able to recover, he keeps a hand cupped on your cheek while the other travels around your waist. He holds you against him tightly, but his lips couldn’t be any more gentle as they move against yours. It’s soft, unmoving even. Your heart flutters when his lips chase after yours after you pull away for a second to catch your breath, and you’re kissing again.

Again and again and again until all you can think about is him. You had always been afraid of seeing the city in his eyes and feeling it in his lips, but you never did.

His eyes struggle to stay open when you push your foreheads together, finally breaking away from the kiss. There’s a small smile on his mouth, the one he always wears with you, and the look of fondness in his eyes.

“I’m not gonna leave.”

A shooting star spears through the dark. You both wish to stay like this forever.

thirteen.

A few days after your silent confession, Seungmin passes the Civil Licensure exam.

The boy had apparently been trying to hide his success from Hyunjin, yet was unsuccessful when he forgot he had given Hyunjin the log-in credentials to the site when he thought he’d be too nervous to view it himself.

So, you and Hyunjin plan a surprise celebration.

If Seungmin hadn’t been so caught up in trying to hide the secret you had already known about, maybe he would’ve noticed the way Hyunjin disappears from the library sometimes only to reappear, and the way you’ve been on your phone way more often than you normally are.

Getting Seungmin to the rooftop of Chan’s home was easier than you had expected. For someone who asks a lot of questions, Seungmin had simply stared at Hyunjin suspiciously when he had suddenly expressed the urge to watch the night’s constellations at Chan’s roof. Yet, feeling like he owed the boy for driving and staying with him in Seoul, he complies.

The surprise had taken a while to plan, yet everyone was willing to help after hearing the news. Everyone sits on the roof to wait, antsy when they hear Seungmin’s blabbermouth complain about accompanying Seungmin as he gets on the stairs. You all see Hyunjin first, who’s subtly pointing at his back to signal that Seungmin was coming in hot.

When he finally emerges from the steps, all of you jump in a chorus of “Surprise!”

There’s a small tarpaulin with Seungmin’s name and a congratulations tied between two makeshift posts, and the boy hides his face in embarrassment when he spots a poorly photoshopped picture of him on the side of the printed paper.

“It’s nice to celebrate this good news with everyone.” Hyunjin says, and while Seungmin’s continuing to blabber about in mock irritation, all of you know he’s grateful by the way he looks at how the rooftop is decorated in awe. Fairy lights are hung around like additional stars, and everyone has bright smiles on their faces as they all go in to wish the boy their individual congratulations.

“Congratulations on making it to Seoul!” Chan’s voice is booming as he hugs the boy. While Seungmin naturally recoils from any form of skinship, he finds himself returning most of the hugs given to him.

“Make sure you eat a lot.” Minho smiles as he looks proudly at the food he had brought, all set on the table as he prepares to cook some beef to serve as all of you eat.

“Thank you for the food!”

“Is it good?” Minho’s grilling meat on the side, continuing to prepare food as everyone around him eats satisfyingly. Sometimes, Jeongin would get up from his seat to feed Minho a piece to make sure he was eating too.

“It’s so juicy.” Changbin exclaims in pure ecstasy, and Chan can only laugh at his exaggerated response. “Your beef always tastes good, Minho.”

Jeongin’s walking around with a platter of cooked beef to serve for everyone, like he does at Minho’s restaurant. Lovely chatter echoes from the roof, laughter prominent as Jisung is on fire with his jokes. All the while, Seungmin is roasting the poor boy.

“This is the good stuff. Look at the marbling on this meat.” Minho boasts as he sets down the final platter on the table, taking a seat next to Jisung as he finally starts digging in. “Jeongin, come and eat.”

“This is so good.” Your mouth drops after you swallow the piece of beef you had grabbed. Minho just laughs fondly at the praise as he keeps eating.

As your eyes travel around everyone on the table, you can’t help but think of something your mom used to tell you — a home isn't always the house we live in. it's also in the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

Home is the gleeful playing of instruments from Jisung and Changbin, it’s baked in an oven and served fresh as brownies from Felix, it’s grateful smiles from Seungmin, it’s Chan trampled with fondness, it’s the grilled beef Minho is cooking, it’s Kkami barking in happiness as Jeongin plays with him, it’s the hand holding yours and the gentle smile on Hyunjin’s lips as he urges you to eat more.

“Oh, before I forget. I have something for you.” Said boy brings you back to reality, and he pulls out a magazine in his hand, smiling widely as he looks down at it then at you expectantly.

“What is it?” You take it from him, flipping through the pages.

“Youth of Angok. It was released yesterday.”

“No way!” You look for the article you wrote, skimming through the pages before smiling at the photo of the old lady you had taken. “Wait, hold on. Don’t tell me you read it already.”

“No, I haven’t read it yet.” Hyunjin has a fair share of tells when he lies. One of them is in the way he can’t look at you, like the way he’s avoiding your eyes right now. “It was great by the way. You write so well.”

You laugh, giggles blending with Jisung’s music. “Thank you.”

Changbin’s booming voice interrupts all the ongoing conversations, abruptly getting up as he grabs a box he had hidden to the side. “I have a surprise now that we’re all full. Sponsored by Seo’s convenience store, you’re welcome.”

He hands each one of you with sparklers, and it’s absolutely beautiful when he lights them up and pushes everyone to get up and dance to Jisung’s guitar accompaniment as the fireworks glow from everyone’s hold. Like everyone is capable of holding fire in their hands.

Music from your childhood plays in your head, the same one you never thought you’d hear again as Hyunjin tugs on your hand to pull you to where everyone is dancing, a sparkler on the hand that isn’t intertwined together.

“This is so pretty!” Felix exclaims, waving it around as the lights spring out of the stick in his hand. Jeongin’s carrying Kkami now, dancing with him in his arms.

“I’ve never done this before.” Felix looks to you with so much happiness radiating off of him, dancing around as he stares at his sparkler fireworks.

“Me neither.” You reply with the same excitement, looking to see Hyunjin already looking at you with a smile on his face. Pure, unadulterated happiness.

You thought about what happiness is.

You’ve looked it up in a dictionary once—it is a state of being pleased, fulfilled, and content in life. You think that definition is too long.

Happiness. The state of being sufficient.

Happiness. This moment right now.

Hyunjin’s arm snakes around you, pulling you closer to him as the wind flows between all of you, whisking your hair and ruffling your clothes up as happy singing falls in your ears.

“Hi.” He whispers, caressing your waist. It makes goosebumps erupt, and you know what he’s about to do as he presses a short kiss on your lips.

Sometimes, there doesn’t have to be thunderstorms. There’s no need for the sticky swarm of office workers, or the silence of dinners. You don’t have to think of the city. Sometimes, love is tucked away in a little town you least expect to find it. Sometimes, there is time to make happiness. And sometimes, family can be regained.

Your life is sufficient.

You’ll live this life.

[sturniyolos]

𝖼𝗋𝗒𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗒 - 𝖼.𝗌

It was no secret that you and Chris loved each other. You guys were happy with one another— key word were. It all went crumbling down when the three month mark hit. Every day, every night, dusk till dawn, all that was heard was arguments on arguments. Fights that started over the smallest things— from him coming home late without telling you, or you not cleaning up the house when that was your task for the day. Chris knew deep down you hated arguing, as it hit close to home with you. Living in an emotional household, crying and yelling to each other about bills that needed to be paid. But the more you guys fought everyday, the more he started to forget how it made you feel.

——————————————————————————

Tonight, you had nothing planned but you wanted to do something special for Chris. You wanted to show him how much you appreciate him, through thick and thin. After a few months of saving up, you got him Lil Skies’ tickets as well as a silver chain he’s been saving up for, and a few of his favorite snacks. You also decided to cook your guys’ favorite comfort meal— which was pasta.

As the clock strikes 8pm, Chris should’ve been on his way to your apartment already. You just finished cooking and now you were just washing the last of dishes, setting up the table for tonight, and lighting up a few candles.

The clock strikes 9pm, still sitting in your designated dinner spots, waiting for Chris to walk in the door. You sent him a few texts before seeing where he was, but got no response in return.

The clock now striking 11pm. You were tired from today and decided to just head to bed. You put a plastic cover on both of your guys’ food, dissembled the designs on the table, and blew out the candles. But as you blew out the candle, you hear keys jingling outside your front door.

As you look up, you see Chris in a state of exhaustion. His eyebags popping out more than usual and his posture was telling you everything you needed to know.

“You’re home.” You say, as you slightly smile at him.

He ignores you as he takes off his shoes, places his items on the couch beside the door, and heads upstairs. He leaves you downstairs, staring blankly at the front door. You storm upstairs, furious of what just happened.

“What the hell was that?” You say, barging in your bedroom.

“Look I don’t want to hear it, I’ve had a hard day today.” He says, taking his shirt off getting ready to shower.

“Why don’t we just talk about our days over dinner? It’ll make us feel bett-“

“The last thing I need right now is yappin’ for the next hour and a half.” He says, walking past you and getting his towel. He’s about to close the bathroom door, until you hold it open.

“Just cause you had a shitty day doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me.” You say.

“I’m not trying to take it out on you, you’re doing that yourself.” He says, running his hand through your hair.

You stare at him in disbelief— not believing one word coming out of his mouth.

“You know what, nevermind then.” You say, getting teary eyed and walking away from him.

He sees you walking away, and that’s what gets him even more pissed. You sat on your bed and as you look up all you see is Chris staring at you.

“I was supposed to end at 8:30pm today but Matt fucking forgets to press record. So we had to refilm the whole video, and then Matt and Nick were arguing the whole time so I don’t even know if it’ll be a good video. While that’s happening, you’re blowing up my phone asking what time I’ll be home when I don’t even know what time I’ll be finished.” He says, basically screaming at you at this point.

You refused to look up at him since tears start pouring down your face. He stops talking,

“Look at me.”

You look up and he’s met with you crying. He scoffs and says,

“The fuck are you crying for? I’m just telling you what happened.” He says, looking down at me.

You stood up, “Can I not be sad? Can I not be upset at the fact my boyfriend is mad at me for wondering where he is? Can I not be-“

He cuts you off, “Yes, obviously you can be fucking upset but right now you’re just being dramatic.” He says, bluntly.

You were sniffling, still in shock of what was coming out of his mouth right now.

He scoffs again, and walks away towards the bathroom. Then, he whispers under his breath,

“Such a fucking crybaby.”

You hear him, and turn him around.

“Repeat what the fuck you just said.”

“You. Are. A. Fucking. Crybaby. You get worked up over the smallest shit and you have to go cry it out. You have to get some thicker skin.” He says, yelling at you.

You stood there, not saying anything. You just stared at him, and he was waiting for a response.

You looked up to your right, and you see a backpack. You grab it and start grabbing all your shit, even though it was your apartment.

“The fuck you doin’?” He asks, following you around.

“I’m done, I’m not doing this shit anymore.” You say walking past him, grabbing your necessities.

“Y-you don’t mean that, cmon.” He says grabbing your wrist, you snatch it back breaking the contact.

You grab your phone charger, your pre-rolled joints, and your portable. You grabbed a few sweaters, making sure none of them were his.

“Cmon baby, l-let’s talk it out.” He says, on the verge of tears.

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Fuck outta here.” You say going downstairs. He follows you, as he starts to get teary eyed. You pull out the box that contained his gifts from the back of one of the couches, and you throw it at him. Unable to catch it, it falls against his chest and all the contents fall out. He looks down, but doesn’t have enough time to look at it as you start talking.

“Go eat your cold ass food with your shitty ass gift. I hope you enjoy it, Christopher.” You say walking past him, opening the door and grabbing his keys.

“Baby please, I-I’m sorry please don’t l-leave.” He says crying, holding your wrist before you can leave.

“Yeah? Who’s the crybaby now?” You say, as you get out his grip again, and make your way to your car. You enter your car and as you drive off, unaware of where you are off to.

——————————————————————————

Hi this was just a filler story as I’m working on the Chris one from the poll a couple of days ago :-) hope yall enjoyed 💕💕.

[starrysan]

trivia 承: love

masterlist

pairing: boyfriend! seungkwan x girlfriend! reader

prerequisites/warnings: seungkwan crashing out, crazy pre valentines day, jeonghan, dokyeom, minghao cameo, jeonghan to the rescue!!, not proofread

a/n: my valentines day fic :) lowkey switched the title/idol/concept at least 3 times but.. shh its okay enjoy!!! <33

[1.3k words]

third person pov:

seungkwan sat in his apartment in peace. one day till valentines day and he had everything set. restaurant reservation secured, gifts bought, roses to be delivered the morning of, chocolates in the fridge, it was all perfect... till he heard the phone ring. it was the restaurant he made reservations for. "hello?" he says as he picks it up.

"hi" the hostess says in the sing song customer service voice she had when he first called to make the reservation. "I just wanted to call to apologize.. we overbooked and double booked our reservations and yours was one of them. we can have you guys at 9pm? or on another day" she says apologetically.

seungkwan started to panic but tried to keep his composure. "well we were hoping to have dinner at 7 so we could do other things after" he replies. "I'm so sorry on behalf of the restaurant we didn't realize how busy we'd get" she says. "I mean.. 9 is pretty late. put us down for now but we most likely won't be going to you guys at 9. ill call to cancel later if I need" he says before getting a confirmation from the hostess and hanging up.

"shit" he mutters scrolling through his google maps to find another restaurant. "what's wrong?" his roommate jeonghan asks, walking into the living room, snacking on some chocolate. "the restaurant called and pushed back our reservation" he sighs, he keeps scrolling before looking up slowly and realizing what jeonghan was eating. "jeonghan.. what're you eating?" he asks nervously.

"chocolate" he says not realizing what he was doing even offering seungkwan one. "jeonghan.. did it never occur to you that they were in a heart shaped box with y/n's name on it?" he says to which jeonghan's eyebrows shoot up. "shit seungkwan i'm so sorry I was so hungry I didn't even realize"

seungkwan holds his face in his hands trying not to freak out. "can you please go out and get more chocolate?" he sighs as jeonghan nods, grabbing his jacket and heading out. seungkwan calls maybe 8 restaurants trying to get a reservation. of course no place had spots this late in the day and so close to valentines day.

he sighs taking a break not wanting to give up but being absolutely exhausted. he gets a call from the flower company telling him that they ran out of roses. "how?!" he asks genuinely utterly confused. they apologize and he sighs before hanging up.

jeonghan texts him saying he wasn't able to find chocolate and seungkwan texts to keep looking. he starts to panic already running out of restaurants to call. he sighs and is about to call the restaurant telling them to give them the 9pm reservation when jeonghan comes back home empty handed to seungkwan's dismay. seungkwan fills him in on what else had happened.

jeonghan saw how frustrated seungkwan was and got an idea, leaving the house quickly phone in his hand. unknowingly to seungkwan, jeonghan was out calling in favors. seungkwan always had jeonghan's back no matter what the situation was. forgot his lunch? seungkwan venmoed him money, car broke down? seungkwan raced there. it was time for jeonghan to pay back the favor. thank god he knew so many people.

he first went to dokyeom who was luckily a chocolatier. dokyeom worked fast and had already finished his valentines day order when jeonghan had come running in. "hi jeonghan" dokyeom says with a smile. "hi dokyeom I need a box of chocolates, asap. as fast as humanely possible. its for a friend"

dokyeom looks around before agreeing. one thing you should know about dokyeom? he works fast, especially under pressure. "if its for a friend then sure. come back in an hour." he says. "perfect. thank you dokyeom you're a life saver" jeonghan says before running out. he runs to his friend minghao who owned a flower shop.

"minghao?" jeonghan says, completely out of breath from running to his store. "hey jeonghan what's up?" minghao asks, flowers surrounding him as he watered his tulips and succulents. "can I get a bouquet of roses delivered to xxxx street tomorrow morning?" he asks. "yeah I got you" minghao says. "red?" he asks to which jeonghan nods.

while in his panic, seungkwan realized jeonghan had left again but he paid no mind knowing jeonghan wandered. he thinks for a bit and goes to his absolute last resort. he knew y/n didn't love eating out all that much anyway and decides to try to make you dinner at home. he finds a place to do delivery tomorrow night and things start to look up a little.

jeonghan swings dokyeom's place, picking up the chocolates. they looked even better than the ones from the stores. "you're a godsend." jeonghan says before thanking him and running back to his apartment. jeonghan finally gets back to the house, absolutely out of breath but with a box of chocolates in hand. "seung..kwan- I got you your chocolates" seungkwan looks in confusion. "what happened?" he asks.

"don't worry about it. did you figure out dinner?" jeonghan asks, putting the chocolates in the fridge. "I just decided to do dinner at home. y/n dosent love eating out anyway. im deciding between cooking or ordering out. I'll probably order out for her sake." he says to which jeonghan chuckles. "perfect I'll go to seungcheol's place then and you can have the apartment to yourself" jeonghan nods.

"oh you dont have to-" seungkwan starts but jeonghan stops him. "don't worry about it. the apartments all yours." he smiles. "thanks jeonghan you're the best." seungkwan replies. "I just wish the roses would deliver" to which jeonghan giggles a bit. "what?" seungkwan asks his head tilted. "oh dont worry about it just wait till tomorrow" jeonghan says before leaving the room to go to bed leaving seungkwan even more confused, but he nevertheless goes to bed.

the next morning seungkwan wakes up to a call from y/n. "kwannie!! thank you for the roses they're so pretty" she says, her smile being heard through the phone. "oh im so glad" he says looking at jeonghan in confusion. jeonghan just smiles, walking to the living room. "I'll see you tonight right?" seungkwan asks to which y/n hums.

jeonghan reminds seungkwan of the chocolates in the fridge, seungkwan nods taking them out. "holy shit? jeonghan these are gorgeous where'd you get them?" he asks in surprise. "dont worry about it. have fun on your date!" jeonghan ruffles seungkwan's hair before retreating to seungcheols apartment. seungkwan was left in silence for no more than 5 minutes before he hears the doorbell.

he opens it to see y/n standing there in the prettiest pink dress he had every seen. "hi" he says. "hi" she giggles. "you look so pretty" he says, making y/n blush. he quickly pulls out the chocolates. "wow! they're shaped like flowers!" y/n exclaims, seungkwan nods. "I hope you like them" he says. "like them? I love them!" she says hugging seungkwan and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

seungkwan pulls out the last thing, a little box. "sorry its not much but.." y/n opens it pulling out the prettiest pink heart necklace. "its perfect" she smiles as seungkwan helps her put it on. they come to the table as if on cue, the takeout arrives. as they eat y/n just had to ask. "seungkwan this is perfect thank you so much" she smiles. seungkwan smiles back before sighing.

"to be honest.." he starts. "this day was supposed to be so different I- booked a restaurant you liked but they cancelled our reservations and- the chocolates were in a better box but- jeonghan ate them by accident and the roses shouldve been better-" he rambles, y/n quickly stops him. "seungkwan it was all perfect" she giggles. "dont worry about a thing it was all absolutely perfect" she continues. "thank god" seungkwan sighs in relief. y/n brings him in for a kiss. "thank you kwannie" she says with a smile.

"happy valentines day" she says.

"happy valentines day" he replies.

tysm for reading! if you have any requests pls send them my way!!

if you enjoy my writing and would like to be tagged for future things please fill out this taglist form!

permanent written fics taglist: @coffeewwithdrawlheadaches @xh01bri @cosmicrecs @kwonhs96 @phenomenalgirl9

[dollfaceksj]

NO FOREPLAY IS SICKKKK I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

🤭🤭 here you go then!

can’t afford love | myg (m) #3

⋆ TAGLIST ⋆

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“he needs to eat dinner at 5pm and his antibiotics are in the little pocket on the inside of his bag,” you ramble as you hand your mother your son. “he had breakfast at 8, lunch at 12. he–”

“yes, yes,” she says as she swats your hands away and takes her grandson. “oh, my baby. sick and tired, aren’t you, baby?” she coos, snatching jun’s bag from your hands.

“i’ll pick him up tomorrow evening, alright?” you say with a deep sigh and rub his back while he hugs your mother

“yeah, that’s fine.” she kisses his cheeks and turns to you. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“mom,” you whine, “don’t give him too much sugar and put him in bed by 9pm. i’m serious!”

“yeah, yeah, yeah.” she dismisses you with a wave of her hand

you sigh quietly and give one last kiss to jun before giving your mom one and then waving, heading back to your car

you wave at jun from your car and get into the car before driving back home

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

you take an everything shower, scrubbing all nooks and crannies, getting rid of body hair

not that yoongi ever cared

you do it for you.

you dry your body and do your hair

apply some light makeup

you wear a black teddy with a buttoned crotch for easy access and wrap your body in a silk bathrobe before you start cooking

you’re not sure if he’ll have eaten by the time he gets here

and you also need to eat!

so you’ll cook for YOURSELF.

of course… no other reason

time is so damn slow

but by the time you’re finished

7:30pm

you take your time tidying up around the place

applying perfume

applying some cuticle oil to your cuticles, checking your manicure

soft nude square nails

you brush your teeth

trying to do anything to pass the time

and then

your phone buzzes

your heart is beating out of control

you check

text message

from: yoongi

‘Be there in 5.’

AH.

why are u nervous?

chill

you’ve done this before.

just

CHILL.

you impatiently wait on your couch, staring at some random show that’s playing on your tv

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

it’s been 10 minutes since he sent that message, that piece of sh–

and like a gag in a sitcom, the doorbell rings

ah shit.

SHIT.

you take a deep breath and rise to your feet

chill. just RELAX.

you walk up to your front door and take another deep breath before opening up

and there he is, grey sweatpants, grey hoodie

the hood of his shirt over his head, hiding his black locks

fuck he looks good

you stare up at him, swallowing your nerves

“hey,” he quietly says

“hi.” you step aside to invite him in

he walks in and kicks his shoes off, looking around

“so, how have you b–”

“i didn’t invite you over for small talk,” you mumble as you close the door behind him and start heading down the corridor into your room

an exhale escapes him but he quickly follows close behind you

you walk into your bedroom and suddenly start getting more and more nervous

“you just wanna jump right into it?” he asks, uncertain

you turn to look at him, watching as he closes the door behind him and glances at you before tugging the hood off his head and revealing his beautiful hair

“i’m just doing what i think is best,” you mumble as you untie your bathrobe to reveal some of your body underneath but leave it on

his eyes instantly drop to your body, eyes staring at the strip of your lingerie and body that you’ve decided to reveal to him

your body is set on fire under his gaze

until he chuckles

what the fuck?

“what?”

“nothing.” he shrugs his shoulders. “just didn’t think you’d wear lingerie for me.”

fuck

you scoff, “i didn’t wear it for you.”

be serious.

he laughs this time as he starts closing the distance between you two and it all shoots a tingle right down your core

“no? why did you wear it, then?”

you almost choke as you try to moisturize your dry throat by swallowing quickly. “for me. feeling sexy turns me on.”

he slowly nods and moves his hand up to your arm, slowly tugging your bathrobe off one shoulder. “so, you didn’t wear this piece because it’s my favorite, then?”

fuck

“is it?” you glance down at the black teddy you specifically wore because it’s his favorite. “that’s coincidental.”

you’re a shit fucking liar.

“hm,” he hums and plays with the fabric of your bathrobe, his eyes glued to his fingers. “and you also didn’t do your hair cause i like it like that, right?”

you huff. “you’re delusional.”

😂😂😂(youtotallydid)😂😂😂

his lips twitch and you can only describe it as him trying to stifle a smirk. “if you say so, baby.”

you scowl at him. “what did i say about sweet talking?”

he chuckles and tugs your bathrobe further off your shoulders, letting it drop to your ankles. “i just called you ‘baby’, relax. scared to realize you never fell out of love with me?”

“you fucking wish,” you mumble as you instantly cross your arms over you chest, a subtle attempt at hiding your body from him

he leans down, face closing in on yours and just as you think he’s about to kiss you, he buries his face in your neck

“you still smell so fucking good.” his lips graze the skin of your neck and it sends a shiver up your spine

he knows how much you love neck kisses

damn him.

“i thought i told you no kissing,” you mumble but make no efforts to stop him, on the contrary, you tilt your head to the side to give him more access

he starts pressing soft kisses to your neck. “i’m not kissing you, i’m kissing your body.”

you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes

“will you let me touch you?” he asks, lips now grazing your earlobe

“yeah,” you let out in a breathy tone, sounding desperate as fuck

his hands find their way to your waist as he turns you around

the simple touch of his hands on your waist electrifies your entire body

you continue to press your arms into your chest, hiding your body

he doesn’t seem to notice as he starts pushing you back towards the bed

once your calves hit the side of your bed, you plop down and look up at him through your lashes

he tilts your chin up to look at him with his index finger. “i’ve missed this view, you have no idea.”

he really needs to stop talking before you pathetically beg him to come back home

you were serious when you set up those rules

“stop talking.” you move further back on your mattress. “and get rid of those,” you mumble as you point at his clothes

he simply chuckles as he rids himself of his hoodie and sweatpants, leaving himself standing there in his boxers

your eyes rake over his body

the strength you need to fight the urge to stretch your arm out and slide it down his chest to his stomach could be used to split a cliff

he reaches for the buttons holding your teddy together at the bottom, snapping them open which causes you to gasp quietly

he glances down at your exposed pussy, a frown creeping on his brows

“what?” you mumble, thighs clenching as you try to close them

suddenly feeling

extremely insecure

he keeps them open using his hands and glances up at you. “you don’t look prepared at all.”

fuck

he’s right

you were so busy getting ready, doing your makeup, shaving, showering, doing your hair that you completely forgot to prep yourself

“i,” you pause. “it’s the nerves.”

he sighs and glances down again. “i can’t stick it in like this, y/n, you know that.”

you stay quiet, silently staring up at him.

“i know you said no foreplay but–”

you cut him off. “and i meant it.”

he sighs silently and rubs his forehead.

he moves your teddy further up your stomach but you instantly stop him from exposing any more of your skin

he looks up at you with a frown. “what are you doing?”

you shake your head and tug the fabric back down to cover more of your stomach. “nothing.”

he stares at you and lets out a sigh of exasperation. “y/n, i’ve seen and memorized every inch of your skin. why are you hiding it from me?”

you grunt in response but he’s clearly not budging without an answer

“just because, okay? i just don’t want anyone to look at the scars and the stretch marks, they are just–”

“scars and stretchmarks?” he hunches over to stare at you head-on. “the scars and stretchmarks that are there as proof of you sacrificing your body for my son?” he asks. “the c-section scar that exists because you got sliced open to bring my child to life?”

you have nothing to say

you just stare at him for a while in silence, a slight pinch between your brows

and instantly, you’re reminded of the complications during jun’s birth

jun had stayed in the womb too long, he was overdue

didn’t want to come out

to the point it had gotten dangerous for him

you were told you needed an emergency c-section

or else jun could pass away in the womb due to the lack of oxygen supply

staying in your womb too long messed with his immune system and it’s the reason why jun is sick so often

yoongi climbs onto the bed, settling in between your thighs

“you think i give a single fuck about that?” then, he snatches the teddy further up again, exposing your body to him. before you can protest, he lowers himself even more and kisses the skin on your stomach

you slightly squirm under him, especially since he’s dangerously close to your exposed sex

but your thoughts are erased when you realize he’s kissing

your

c-section

scar

and your heart almost shatters in your chest

“my wife or not, you’re still the mother of my child. i’ll kiss the fucking ground you walk on as thanks for giving me my son.” he shakes his head as he glances down at your sex. “scars and stretchmarks,” he scoffs. “absolutely insane.”

you huff in response, hiding your eyes by draping your arm over the upper part of your face

it’s quiet for a little while

until you hear him sighing

“will you let me eat you out?” he asks, hand gently stroking up and down your thigh

“uh,” you mutter, palms starting to get clammy

fuck

well, what do u do now?? you said no foreplay and you were serious but….

“hey,” he calls out to you.

you look down to meet his eyes.

“we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but i’m not going to hurt you by being hasty or because you’re stubborn. i’ll just get up and leave and we can try again tomorrow.”

FUCK.

you know damn well it’ll only be a matter of time before you’re head over heels for him again if you start breaking those rules you set up

what now?

to be continued.

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[strxbrymochi]

melting an ice heart | lmk

08. id card

masterlist • previous • next

pairing: lee mark (nct) x fem!reader

genre & tropes: smau, mostly enemies to lovers but a little bit of fluff too don’t worry, sports au (hockey player x figure skater), grumpy x sunshine energy, chaotic friend energy

chapter warnings: swearing, a lil glimpse into what she dealt with as a child, but i don't think it's too deep, just mentions of abuse but indirectly

synopsis: he’s the life of every party, the team heartthrob and mvp while she’s the stone cold ice-princess who will stop at nothing to get things her way. but when an accident intertwines the two more than they had hoped, will his fire be enough to melt the ice facade she’s built up or will they continue to clash and end up in ruins?

updates: mwf 8:00pm gmt+8 // 11:00pm gmt+11

taglist: open!

words: ~1.2k

"fuck." you curse out loud as you hit your fist on the ice. you've been here for around 2 hours now, your training ended at 9pm and here you are again, at 2am, skating, in a supposedly closed rink.

you've been coming in after hours for about a couple years now, well since you started at suwon at least. your parents had said they paid off time for you to skate anytime you wanted, and so you did. at first it seemed as though they never wanted you to rest-- not that you were complaining, but over time you saw of it as your safe space. the rink was more a home to you than your actual house. it was your solace everytime something went wrong. it was where all your pent up anger and stress was released on to. your emotions displayed through the way your skates glide smoothly, but aggressively, in the ice. as you stand back up and skate around to shake it off and try your routine again, memories of your childhood flood your brain.

"again." your mother would shout at you from the bleachers.

back when you were younger and skated near home, your parents made it a point to watch you at every training. refusing to let you go home until they thought your run was spotless.

your mom is a skater too, so she understood what it was like. well, was a skater. she wouldn't really tell you the details other than the fact she says she pushes you to experience the things she never got to. as a good daughter, you followed through, no questions asked.

you stand up from the fall, and brush your hands off your leggings. it felt sticky, and something stung. you look down on your hands to see scratches and a bit of blood from your now 12th fall in the last hour and a half. you pull your jacket sleeve over to cover it up and silently wince in pain. you move back to position and make eye contact with your coach, standing next to your mom. she nods at you. "come on now, we haven't got all day have we?" your mom shouts, arms crossing.

you take a deep breath and try again, you gain speed and you leap. you spin once, twice, thrice, and extend your leg to land, and you do. only it was too late and you tip over to the edge and fall; hearing a small snap.

"for goodness sakes, i did not go through all that to raise a FAILURE." your mother shouts. "stop being dramatic and get up. again."

you look over to your knee which gave way in that landing. you stretch it to test how bad the pain was. wincing, you do your best to stand up.

"maybe we should stop for today..." your coach tells your mom cautiously.

"she'll stop when she gets it right." your mom snaps back. "do you hear me y/n? we aren't leaving here til you get that jump right."

and so with another deep breath, you try to forget the pain on your knee and try again. hoping, praying, that's the last time.

you get home after practice and your mother immediately sends you to your room with no dinner. your mom believes in meal times and anything after 9pm was a big no for the digestive system, makes you gain weight apparently. so here you are, sitting in your chair, trying to do your homework, on an empty stomach because you got home at 10:30pm. all because you couldn't get a jump right. you glance at your foot, red seeping through the bandages from the cuts from your skates. you sigh. this was going to be a long night.

the lights in the rink suddenly turn on. what the fuck? no one has ever come in the rink at this time of night except you. cleaners maybe? no, they would be asleep. no one knew of your parents arrangement and if anyone were to find out you'd be in serious trouble.

you hear footsteps. shit. you skate your way to the entrance and quickly put on your skate guards, grab your training bag and run out. you had no time to change your shoes. as you run out, you hide behind the building, breathing silently, making sure no one caught you. as you reach down your training bag you freeze. your id card. you close your eyes and curse silently. it must've fallen out as you were running. you couldn't go back in, not when you didn't know who was in there. you'd just have to hope they don't find it and you can get it tomorrow.

you quickly change your skates for shoes and run off into the night before anyone else catches you.

back in the rink, mark makes his way to the entrance. huh, why are there skate marks? he was certain they cleaned off the ice after the last practice. come to think about it, he did hear glides as he entered the rink. didn't sound like a hockey skate, maybe a figure skater? he'd probably ask his uncle tomorrow.

as mark laces up his boots and gets into the ice, he moves around. just in a circle, letting the wind hit his face and calm him down. he was on the ice for as long as he could remember. it was his mother who introduced it to him, and it was his distraction when she got sick. lucky for him his family owned a rink, so it seemed only right he'd pursue it. now that he moved to suwon, his uncle allowed him unlimited access, now he can skate whenever he needed to, if he wanted to clear his head or if he just needed a break. and that's what he was doing tonight. the move wasn't exactly easy, but he's been adjusting well. he has friends, he's well-liked, hockey's doing good, but it's different. well, maybe it's because his mom isn't here for any of it.

"mom? you there?" he calls out as he skates around. he probably sounds stupid but his mom always told him she would always be watching over him, every single time he touched the ice. "it's been a while, the move's been crazy, i haven't really been able to skate freely like this but thankfully samchun's been great about letting me do now, so hopefully i'll get to talk to you more. anyways, i had my first game the other day and we won." he says. "i got mvp, pretty neat. school's been good, classes aren't as hard and i have friends. i think you'd really like them." he continues to tell her how he's been going, letting the way the air hits him serve as a sign she's listening.

he finishes his run and skates over to the bleachers to change his shoes. as he walks to the exit he hears a crunch. looking down, he sees an id card. weird. he thinks, bending over to pick it up.

huh. he thinks, flipping it over. y/n l/n, he says to himself, the girl he bumped into at reverie. now he had some sort of leverage to find out more about her but wait, what was the ice princess doing in the rink this time of night? was it really you he almost caught? questions circled his mind. only one way to find out he thinks, holding your id card as he makes his way out.

💌; @leefullsun @defzcl @ncityzenz @keemburley @syzavxy @doejaejung @softieluvsyou @leep0ems @nae-vm @hizhu @haechanielove @chezziy @excalibur-gone-missing @bluedbliss @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @planetkiimchi @swimmingismywholelife @cloudmrk @clean-soap @prettyrenjunn @yyangj3lly @kittydollzz @seunghancore @aerivrs @thisisnotjacinta

[taleweaver-ramblings]

I am once again running up against the fact that I really should be more physically active than I am, and I am basically out of ideas about what to do about it.

About 10% of my problem is time. I have an astonishingly busy life for someone who doesn't do much: an 8-hour work day, a 45-minute commute on either side of that, family dinner, and then grad school, writing, and miscellaneous tasks until it is 9pm or I have accomplished everything that needs to be done (whichever happens first), at which point I now get to do some gaming before bed because it's fun and good for my mental health. On weekends, I fit in writing, grad school, gaming, and chores around Bible study, church, two D&D groups, and family activities.

Now, I could fit something else in, if I really wanted to. But the other 90% of my problem, I know, is that exercise for the sake of exercise bores me. I know it's good for me. I know I will feel better if I do it. But I will not feel noticeably better than if I use that same amount of time to, say, write something or work on a class assignment or get some crocheting done, even before you get into purely fun things like D&D, gaming, reading, etc.

I have tried saying "You can watch shows while walking on the treadmill," and that just means I watch fewer shows (I don't need to be watching them anyway, my brain says, that's unproductive). I have tried multi-tasking by getting a treadmill desk so I can walk while I work on class assignments, write, or play D&D, but it's one of those cases where multi-tasking means I don't do either thing very well. Also, the treadmill is in the basement, and it's cold down there.

I have tried going for walks outside, which used to work really well when we lived in a neighborhood with nice paths and a couple routes that looped very nicely so I wouldn't have to get to a certain point and then turn around. Unfortunately, now we live in an area where my options are "walk to the end of the road and then turn and walk back" or "struggle through the woods (it's all steep hills BTW, have fun, try not to fall or get covered in ticks and mosquito bites)," and honestly, most of the time, I'd rather bore myself to death on the treadmill.

There's yardwork, when it's in season. Unfortunately, when it's in season is also when allergies and mosquitoes are in season, and it's really hard to motivate oneself to go pick up sticks from the yard when the end result will be that I spend a couple hours grumpily quoting Ecclesiastes to myself (namely the "everything is meaningless" bits) and about a week itchy and sneezing.

I like dancing — it's fun, and I don't feel bad about being clumsy or having trouble following because it's a Skill that must be Learned, and of course I'm going to struggle when I'm starting out. Unfortunately, I have yet to find any place to go dancing or learn dancing that's inexpensive and not 45+ minutes away. I have tried just learning line dances by myself at home, or having solo freestyle dance sessions, but that requires privacy and a good bit of space.

I'll exercise if it's part of Learning a Skill; for a while I took self-defense and swing dance classes in college (offered for free at the university gym), and that kept me reasonably consistent. Unfortunately, this runs into the same issue as finding somewhere to go dancing — classes are expensive and tend to be located a significant distance away from me.

I know that I have the most success with regular exercise when there is an outside force providing both accountability and reward. But people kind of stop offering anything like that once you're no longer a kid or teen.

At this point, almost the only way to go is up. The trouble is finding a path that works and doesn't make me constantly think that I was doing just fine at the bottom, actually. And I am rapidly running out of possible paths.

[aching-tummies]

True Ache: Time Delay

Experienced another 'true stomach ache' last night. The kind where my stomach aches seemingly for no reason. Like…it wasn't over-full or urging me to use the washroom or entirely hungry--it started to ache without a known direct cause.

So…last night was the end of three back-to-back-to-back full-day shifts for me at work--we're talking 8-9 hours of paid labour + 3 hours (total) of transit-stuff per day. Normally, it's hit-or-miss whether or not I'm hungry at the end of such shifts. Lunch breaks are usually scheduled for 2PM or so and I don't get home until 9PM if I am lucky (closer to 10PM if the bus fails to cooperate). I know, 7-8ish hours without a proper meal seems like I'd be starving when I get home…but after 12 hours of being on my feet all I really want to do is shower and sleep until the next one. Coming off of 3 consecutive days of this nonsense means I'm wiped and on the brink of just keeling over and sleeping on the long walk home from the bus stop (20-40 minute walk depending on direction and whether or not detours are necessary 'cuz some shady character is following me or someone decides it's the right time for a massive construction project tearing up sidewalks).

I was wiped last night. I'd thought ahead and had grabbed coffee from work for the road--knowing that without it I'd be dead on my feet for the way home. I was wary of having coffee so late at night, but more worried about falling asleep on the bus or halfway home vs. worried about being too wired for bed.

When I got home, it was to find my housemates/family cooking a huge dinner. That's what it looked like on the surface, but once things got to the table the truth came out. The three couldn't decide on what to put together for dinner and we needed to make room in the fridge 'cuz there's too many forgotten leftovers in there. One person made a gigantic wok full of re-fried fried noodles (combining the 'leftovers' fried noodles from 3 different tupperwares in the fridge), another insisted that fried noodles in Chinese restaurants are often paired with congee and they decided that they'd clear the pesky frozen chicken carcasses from the freezer via tossing them all into a pot of congee (3 carcasses into the pot -_- normally, we only use the one). The last guy decided that he wasn't a fan of noodles and congee so he decided to bake a frozen pizza + the entire contents of a bag of frozen takoyaki I had been saving as a treat (I usually only make myself 3-5 at a time so a single bag of the stuff last me a month or three).

All three of them were beyond pissed off at the massive amount of food they'd generated and the fact that everyone had cooked 'meal-sized' portions for everybody rather than side-dish portions for everybody. There was no way any of it was going to fit in the fridge because they'd all cooked too damned much. So what I walked home to was 3 people livid about the food situation and shoving 3 entire portions of what they'd put together at me and snapping at me to eat it all 'cuz there was no room for leftovers. They all got mad at me when I suggested that we'd have to throw a lot out if we couldn't store it 'cuz I wasn't up for eating a full plate, much less three with my body as exhausted as it was.

Leftovers always do a number on my stomach--particularly the miscellaneous, 2-4 day old mix of noodles one person threw together hit-or-miss whether or not it beats a hasty exit or if it decides to linger and cause problems in my tummy for however long. Congee has always upset my stomach. It's mostly liquid so I guess my tummy doesn't know what to do with it and it always goes through me like it's in a NASCAR race or something. Frozen pizza is pretty filling and the kind we have often upsets my stomach (frozen and then baked peppers on pizza tend to do that). Takoyaki is great…but there's a reason I keep portions under 5 pieces--because it's pretty filling. Most of what I was given ended up making its way into my tummy over the course of two hours. My stomach was already feeling a bit off from the dairy from the coffee I'd drank on the way home.

I ate what I could last night before retreating to my room. I guess my guts were just as exhausted as the rest of me because it chose not to hang on to dinner and let most of it go. By around 1AM, I was alone and trying to sleep. My stomach was starting to twinge with hunger--but it was all being drowned out by an ache coursing through my intestines. There wasn't enough from dinner left inside of me to send me to the washroom but it was like the usual upset-ache that would have accompanied backed-up guts had lingered with a time-delay to keep me up all night.

I laid in bed for a couple of hours, rubbing and prodding at my stomach in hopes of quelling the aches. Stethoscope didn't catch many gurgles, but what I heard told me that my guts were pretty upset despite not having enough physically present to upset them. It was like the aches and upset were a delayed reaction--stuff already left my system, but it left before my guts could generate the accompanying indigestion. My upper stomach--around my ribs--was twinging with hunger pangs, but my intestines were cramping up with indigestion. I guess it was mostly gas in there because it didn't feel like there were solids or liquids enough being pushed along anywhere. Honestly, I felt like a game of "Labyrinth"--that old game where there's a maze and a (usually)steel ball and one has to tilt the entire thing to guide the ball through the maze? I was tossing and turning quite a bit and the air in my intestines was moving about in every direction in my intestines.

I ended up dozing off some time around 5PM. Had about 4 hours of sleep. Woke up to a sharp ache in my guts and lots of sickly gurgles. I've burped exactly once in the 2-3 hours I've been awake. I never burp, at least, not audibly. This one was audible--sharp-sounding…and actually sounded like a belch. It was small, as far as belches go though. Like 1/4th of a handful of air decided to escape violently. My tummy is gurgling--it's still upset. There's lots of gas bubbles squirming around in my guts--trying to find the exit to the maze. My tummy is hurting but not in a way that urges me to the washroom. Hunger pangs are a little stronger than they were last night, but the upset is still winning.

Honestly, last night I was craving some more caring, gentle touches to my tum. My imagined lover was the caring sort trying to soothe my upset tummy enough for sleep. The idea of a sadistic lover intent on prodding my guts to a bigger ache is tempting though. I may post an RP-Starter inspired by this. See what bites.

[progressblog]

16th February 2025

Operation 66 day 1:

I planned on writing this post around 11 then I forgot and started doing house chores and now that I remembered i will finish this and then only get up from my seat. I tried posting this 3 times but unsure what kept happening I guess tumblr being tumblr but the post would just disappear? Anyways if the same post shows up later 2 more times you know why 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lately, I have been resting a lot and even with all this resting I don’t feel it’s enough.

I went through my calendar and sorted all the due dates in one place to find out a lot is due this week 😭 at least im aware now and still have some time to do it.

Tomorrow I have health psychology class test. It’s of 10 marks and due to syllabus being bio heavy I will study from textbook and make fresh notes in reference to the ones I made in class so I need at least 8 hours of study sessions today. The syllabus is first 3 modules but the 3rd module is my main focus that I’ll study from textbook.

Although it’s 1pm im sharing the time table for the entire day that I have followed so far -

7-9 morning routine

9 - 11:30pm brain storm/self reflect

11:30 - 1:30pm house chores

1:30 - 2:30pm lunch

3 - 4pm nap

4 - 8pm study session 1 (module 3)

8 -9pm dinner

9 - 10pm shower/night routine

10 - 1am study session 2 + some caffeinated beverage (module 1 + 2)

Yes I also did set alarms to keep myself accountable.

I would be skipping any forms of exercise today because I did do some exercise yesterday.

[whentherewerebicycles]

I am worried that this is going to sound judgemental / passive aggressive and I really really really do not mean it that way, I am just confused and curious - what is it that keeps parents of newborns so busy? I thought they didn't really... do much until they got more mobile? I know you have to change the diapers and clean the bottles etc but what actually takes up your time on a daily basis atm? needless to say I have zero experience with newborns lol

I also wondered this!! but it turns out it’s really more all the other Stuff that takes up so much time + the fact that you only have very short windows of time to do that stuff before the baby needs you again. like here is an average morning and early afternoon right now:

6:30-7 wake up, take dogs out, get pump parts out of sterilizer, grab breakfast to take upstairs if he’s not already screaming

7-7:35 feed baby (babies are such slow eaters I’m told they get faster but for the first three weeks it would often take him an hour to finish a bottle and you can’t do anything else while he’s doing it)

7:40-8:20 pump and hang out with baby (I have to pump for a long time bc my supply is so low)

8:20-8:30 put milk away, change him, get him dressed (a battle of wills but I’m bigger)

8:30-9:45ish he naps if I’m lucky! race around the house cleaning out all the bottles from overnight, mixing new formula for the day, emptying the dishwasher, doing any other house chores

9:45-10ish he’s awake again and HUNGRY!! try to distract him a bit to determine if he’s actually hungry or just cranky/gassy

10-10:35ish feed him again

10:35-11:45ish he’s awake and wants to be held and entertained so I hang out with him or try to do stuff one-handed while carrying him around the house. also often I have to change him again.

12-1ish longish crib nap if I’m lucky!! try to shower, take the dogs out again, maybe start laundry bc babies make SO much laundry, do anything else on my list. sometimes he skips the nap and just decides to spend that time screaming. sometimes he wants to nap but will only do it while being held in which case none of the above stuff can get done

1-2 feed him! but this time he’s gassy and grumpy and refusing the bottle or sleepy and refusing the bottle so it takes forever and I have to burp him a bunch or do stuff to wake him up more so he’ll eat

2-2:40 whoops I forgot to pump again and I’m leaking everywhere gotta do that while I hang out with him

2:45-3:45 try to walk the dogs with the baby while he naps in the stroller except I have to walk the dogs separately bc I can’t handle them both + the stroller so we do two 20-30 min walks with a cooldown break to change him at home & make sure he’s not too hot

3:45-4:15 whoops I forgot to eat lunch but now he’s screaming for no reason that I can discern so I gotta walk around bouncing him or do skin to skin time to help him calm down

4:30ish time to feed him again! I’ll never eat lunch but I have high hopes for dinner maybe like a poptart around 9pm!

etc etc

[ajokeformur-ray]

Okay, so here's the routine I have been following and want to make permanent:

Wake at 3am

Get out of bed at 4am (the lost hour is for more sleep / x reader fanfics to help me mentally prepare for the day)

4 - 6.15am study (coffee machine & fridge both come in handy here, so I can eat breakfast/snack & caffeinate to my heart's content)

Leave for work at 7am, arrive 7.50am for shift at 8am.

Shift finishes 3pm, get home at 4pm.

Cook dinner/reheat leftovers, do the dishes and other small maintenance chores, shower, brush my hair - takes me to 5.30 - 6pm depending on energy levels/if I cooked or reheated.

6 - 7pm study some more

7 - 8 or 9pm - answer DMs/asks, do some writing, watch TV curled up in bed

9pm - bed.

This is what I stick to as closely as possible. Sometimes after work, I'll go grocery shopping, and if that's the case, then I won't study for that extra hour at home since that will put me 'behind'/I wouldn't get my writing time in the late evening. I also won't study in the evening if I have therapy, though I'll be discharged in a few weeks so I'll be able to drop that from the routine and take up another hour of studying.

On a day off, which I get 2 - 3 times a week (2 if I do overtime, 3 if I just do my contracted hours), then I get up when I feel like it (usually by 7am), and just study and write all day in alternative hourly chunks until I go to bed 8 - 9pm.

I think...? I can sustain this. I think. The studying in the evening is an edition you all helped me with a few days ago and I've been trying it out, but everything except that has been my routine for the last month. I'm eating more, sleeping more, and I don't feel too stressed at the moment?

I think maybe I can sustain this, but I wanted to ask for opinions since someone else might pick up on something I'm missing.

This is hard, but I'm doing my best, I really really am. And if anyone wants to tell me that a fictional beloved would be proud or that you are proud, then please feel free because honestly, I'm hanging by a thread and they're getting me through and so is everyone here.🥺

[fazcinatingblog]

Funny times I've grocery shopped:

Several times after footy games in 2023 wearing Collingwood scarf and Collingwood guernsey with number 8 on the back like some kind of Trent idiot

9pm on a Wednesday night coming home from a comedy show

8:15am Woolworths before work because it's empty (good for grabbing a few non perishables that can stay in my bag while I'm at work)

Every night after work because I'm disorganised af

Walking to the supermarket in the rain

Oh that time I had covid and went to molevern Woolworths because my mum said I needed Panadol and could do that

Two days later going back to Woolworths for other things

After eating dinner at Fasolo pizza, walking through Fitzroy/Collingwood at night to the nearest Woolworths (this was with a friend but the location and time puts it in "funny times")

Walking up to Coles Richmond after a morning Collingwood training session and then getting a Messina ice-cream afterwards

Buying Chobani flip yoghurt and a KitKat at the Hawthorn Woolworths between classes at Swinburne

Oooh what about getting to a footy game early, deciding to go to the toilet, realise your black and white outfit resembles that game's opponent St Kilda and having to pass out of the ground, dash to the tiniest 7/11 ever near Jolimont station and grab two of the four overpriced sanitary items on the shelves and running back

Buying a big m at Hawthorn Woolworths before class at Swinburne

Stay tuned for Sophia's list of normal times to grocery shop