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narwhalandchill · 4 months

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spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

#tonia will call him a perfect brother and ppl take it at face value is so.#dude NOBODY in that fuckimg family is in the place to say jack shit abt whats healthy familial dynamics n whats not #now like. do i know that theyll most likely never Truly let ajax experience teucers righteous rage at the betrayal #and instead brush it off where hes like youre still my brother i love u #Yes. unfortunately. but god he doesnt fucking deserve any of that like he SHOULD lose teucer forever #teucer should go full scorched earth no contact the entire family like its r/relationship_advice addressing mild drama #and theyd all deserve it. even as i understand Why they did this.and sympathize with it .#this is why he and the narwhal deserve each other btw hes just kimda fucking terrible sometimes #yes i had to make this about them too #genshin #rambles #childeposting

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world-of-wales · 5 months

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The Indian PM is asking for votes in the upcoming election by saying that voters shouldn't support the opposition leaders coz they eat........Non-vegetarian food.......

This isn't him relating environment problems and veganism/vegetarianism, but rather him campaigning that in a secular country only his party is the best because they follow the moral and vegetarian majority religion. Which is funny in itself since, except for North India, the rest of the Hindus in other parts consume all kinds of non vegetarian food items.

And to most people outside India, this vegetarian vs non-veg debate might seem foolish, but here it is proving to be the main election agenda now. A lot of people may think oh he's advocating for being vegetarian, that's great. But unfortunately not in this case coz his party which is filled with upper caste Hindus mostly use this argument of food choices to demonize minority communities in the country, they deny protein to poor children in the meals provided to them by the state in public schools, their supporters go and harass & have in many cases k-worded innocent people in name of 'Cow protection', force butchers who come from low income backgrounds to shut down their stores making them unable to earn even the meagre ammount that they do etc etc. So veg/non-veg in the case of Indian elections rn is so much more than just a debate on dietary choices.

So, no talks of education, health, economy, jobs etc this election season but rather cheap and completely nonsense topics during campaigning. And I wish I could call it satire, but unfortunately this is what the so-called largest democracy has come to.

This issue is just the tip of the iceberg of all the things that need to be changed in this country to take it back to where it was before this train wreck that the past decade has been and to start rebuilding it brick by brick.

The reason I'm posting this today is that, I want to request anyone who's eligible to vote in India to PLEASE GO VOTE! exercise ur right. Don't let anyone tell you that your voice doesn't matter coz it does. And it's never been more essential for you to make use of Article 326 and cast your vote. It is ur fundamental right.

I don't think there could be a more appropriate time to ask you for this, as it is the 133rd birth anniversary of Dr. Ambedkar today, the father of the Constitution. The man who fought all his life to make sure everyone in his country had democratic fundamental rights. He gave you that Constitution that protects you and your interests and rights. The tip of his pen changed the world you live in today for the better. So please don't let that the sacrifices made by him or of all those in the Constituent Assembly, of all those who came before you go to waste. They gave this country their all, so you could have all the freedoms that you do today. They gave you a constitution based on liberty, equality, fraternity, secularism, socio-economic democracy etc to protect you, the citizens. And now, as these rights slowly get encroached upon, it is more important than ever before for you to assert these rights.

Go read the election manifestos of the parties and learn about the candidates fighting elections from ur constituency. Please make an informed choice. Don't go and vote for people on the basis of religion, caste, etc. Go and vote for that person who actually talks about the on ground issues you face, who has plans to make ur life, and the society you live in better. Who promises to give you the basic rights that you deserve, someone who promises not to infringe upon the fundamental rights as enshrined in the constitution, the one who talks about creating better employment, creating a robust health system, making sure every child in this country has access to quality education, someone who wants to create a safe space for women not just out in the world but also in the private sphere, someone who promises to work towards dealing with the problems of inflation & other economic problems you face, someone who wants to work towards dealing with the vast enomic disparities that exist across the board. Someone who wants to work towards providing safeguards for the most vulnerable people and communities, etc etc.

Go on the website of the election commission, check out the dates of vote casting in your area, mark that date, wake up that morning take ur voter id card and please go push a button on the machine at the particular booth you fall under.

Don't let people tell you that you are young, you don't know what you need, you shouldn't be jumping into political discourse, don't let them discourage you from exercising the most important right the constitution has given you. TRUST ME, YOU DO KNOW WHAT YOU NEED, POLITICS AFFECTS YOU TOO, THE GOVERNMENT POLICIES AFFECT YOU TOO, SO YOUR VOICE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT IN THESE UPCOMING ELECTIONS AS THAT OF THE OTHERS!

YOUR VOTE MATTERS. IT'S NEVER MATTERED MORE!

#psa

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acidsaladd · 6 months

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incoming rant abt a possible ninjago atla au u have been warned

the gist of the au and what i have in me head is that lloyd is the next air avatar but for some reason the air nomads are skeptical/afraid of baby lloyd so misako takes lloyd and skidadles far away from the temple. because of this, lloyd grows up as a regular kid with no air benders around to teach him air bending And no knowledge that hes the avatar (and therefore that he can bend the other elements)

fast forward to when hes like 9?? 10? wu finds him, surprise ur actually the avatar its training time something something big spiritual evil that might be related to garm something something then wu Leaves and so the training bit falls onto the ninja. which. none of them is an airbender mind u and lloyd Still doesnt know airbending. so they teach him the other elements and Hope that he somehow learns air by proxy

i have a very small and not rlly thought out idea for what an equivalent of the aging tea could be but this is basically it in terms of bg and going forward its just ur usual avatar and ninja shenanigans

ok. now. i have a couple ideas for why the air nomads could be wary of lloyd. one is that they know garmadon is his dad and garm has been cursed by a Particularly Evil spirit and so they think evil dad equals evil son and they dont rlly wanna deal with that so they r like we must get rid of the child he will reincarnate either way its no biggie which,,, uhh yea lets not

the other one is that the nomads have discovered that lloyd is going to be the first avatar that is a direct decendant of the first ever avatar (the fsm) and so they want to like?? harness his power or smth idk.

(the only problem with these ideas is that it kinda relies ok the air nomads having kind of violent and evil solutions to problems so i stil. dont rlly know 😭)

the point is!! one way or another, misako starts seriously fearing for lloyds life and the fact that he might not ever have a choice over it as his own so she takes the baby and Runs.

[abt the fsm, raine lowkey gave me this idea entirely so shoutout raine hello but i was thinking that theres two of them. like. u have the FSM, the first ever avatar, all plwerful godly being. and then u have the dad, the f in fsm stands for Father, this guy is just wu and garms dad. i dint have much else thought out for him just. yea]

now. if i want to talk abt the possible aging tea equivalent i need to talk abt garm. soo augh idk abt garm but i think rhe gist of it is that hes been possessed/corrupted by a spirit bc of a deal he made or for messing with a spirit when he was researching things. the point is hes known as this being that brings chaos and stuff but then wu and misako reveal to lloyd like, thats ur dad actually, and misakos being researching ways to bring him back and lloyd stumbles on this research and decides (not so smartly) that if one qants their dad back one must do it himself so. he manages to contact the original spirit that garm annoyed

so they talk and the spirits like "well i Would give him back but he kinda made me lose my time and energy on him for like,, 4/5 years so unless u figure out a way to give me rhat time back i aint giving him to u" and lloyd goes bet take does from me no biggie

so then lloyd makes this deal not rlly knowing what hes doing and he goes back to the real world and suddenly he has a brand new dad and also abt two whole heads more in height woops

(this all happens post training arc starting so lloyd already knows the ninja and has been living with them for a while)

OK NINJA TIME

so ive been Rlly debating whether i should do the Usual thing and just stick em in the element rhat they have in the show. OR (and this is the idea im leaning more towards) i go with vibes. obviously the vibes are still informed and consider their element in the show

ok first kai and nya. i want them both to be fire nation buut idk if i should make them both firebenders or make them have their usual elements. i do wanna let nya be a waterbender, However since they do live in the fire nation (most likely in a more rural town far from the mainland) nya would be a waterbender that uses mostly firebending styles and techniques. i just have always found this type of mix and match they do with aang and zuko specifically SOO COOL i love it so im gifting that to nya

cole is an earthbender obvi. i havent rlly thought much abt cole bc i immediately decided he would stay an earthbender and didnt question him further.

NOW HEAR ME OUT HERE. i kinda rlly want to make jay earth kingdom and leave him as a non bender. why??? bc the Vibes man. i want to rlly focus on his engineering and tinkery side. i think he would still be rlly involved with bending and stuff and he tries to find different uses to bending outside of fighting. maybe him and cole are childhood friends and jay is always bugging cole to try some of his projects with coles bending.

and finally zane!! hes water tribe but i struggled to settle him on either tribe. i think the northern tribe could fit him in the future but i do think he's originally from the south. i feel like the south gives him more potential to be the specific brand of Peculiar that zane was in the beginning of the sbow. and since this is situated pre war, the southern water tribe would be bigger and better off than how we see them in atla so it would be cool to explore that

so im picturing him as the weird son of the local medic and whatever else dr julien gets up to . so maybe dr julien is teaching zane stuff and he gets Rlly Rlly good so they send him to a bigger settlement with better teachers and eventually he decides to leave the south pole to continue learning and stuff.

i do have ideas abt how wu gathers them together but ive ranted way too much so i will make another post on that if i remember to

#THIS GOT SO LING #LONG #I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I HAD THIS MUCH TO SAY #i didnt plan this to be an Actual au its just an idea #but i Do want to mane designs so ??? maybe???#ninjago #blabbering #should i make a tag #i will #spinjitzu? more like avatar state #thats it. thats the tag

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elleashling · 11 months

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so i watched the fnaf movie and i have some thoughts. mostly not good but certainly some thoughts!

(FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ BELOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT THEM)

unpopular opinion but the fnaf movie was frustrating to me because i didn’t feel like it followed the lore at All. like i appreciated all the references (kicked my feet and scream whispered in the theater to my mom when i saw the racing game print on the shirt of the guy who dies in the kitchen) but like the overarching plot made no sense to me. here are some rambling points. long post incoming

Plot Fails IMO

why did afton kidnap garrett (who is nonexistent in the games afaik) from a Campground? this is completely unrelated to the typical afton kidnappings and seems like a major stretch

why is vanessa his (afton’s) daughter? this feels like they tried to smash steel wool lore and scott cawthon lore together and failed worse than steel wool failed at making security breach have a point

why do we care about the mike schmidt namedrop if it isn’t an alias for afton’s son like in the games? why does afton recognize the last name and specifically get mike to work the job, then say he didn’t want mike to even get involved. my brother in christ YOU INVOLVED HIM

yet another piece of media where afton randomly dies. except Different. i don’t understand what is going on here this isn’t how it happened it’s a literal rewriting of the canon lore

the drawings thing was also very odd. the whole point of the animatronics coming to kill you originally in 1 and 2 was BECAUSE they knew an adult had killed them and they thought mike was william. there was no special drawing mind control. felt once again like a steel wool lore transplant, extending control over vanny (vanessa) to the animatronics

Springtrap For Fanservice™️. god im so tired of this stop jamming him in places he wasn’t in to start with

when would this take place even? i estimated somewhere between 1 and 3, clearly fazbear’s shut down but it’s obviously not to the point of fnaf 3 yet? why do they need a guard then? idk

abby schmidt? who

Other Odd Stuff

there was a weird split between horrifying fates and drawn out gore and people being cut in half in impossible ways and….. cutting the tension in half by building a table fort and tickling a child to death. really? every single climatic buildup in this movie felt like it was followed by comedy

my mother pointed out watching this movie that it continues a trope “autistic child provides key help through special connection with main plot problem, and then is immediately cured”. i have to say i kind of agree because why else call her mentally ill at the beginning? go out of the way to show her being by herself drawing (which is FINE! it’s OKAY!!) and then socializing with other kids after the ghost deal is over?

mike schmidt dream plotline. why

what was the point of aunt jane???

vanessa throwing the pills away was probably illegal in multiple ways lmao

sigh… as a long term fnaf fan i really wanted to like this movie but it came off as a whole lot of fanservice and diluting the story for mainstream while blending the new owner’s lore in poorly. i liked fnaf when it ended at fnaf 6!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaahhhaggagah!!!!!!

if you want to contradict anything i said here (or if ur another big fan and you know smth i said is wrong lol) absolutely feel free i love lore and talking about it and if you love lore like me come chat and talk abt this w me!!!

tldr don’t get me wrong i enjoyed it for the references and the little details, matpat and cory and the living tombstone made me giggle, but i really thought they messed up the plot a Lot..

might add more in reblogs as i think of it

yeah anyways ill probably make another post rambling about all the references and stuff lol

#fnaf #fnaf movie #review #criticism #? i guess #five nights at freddy's

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itrin · 1 year

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damien's character questionnaire!

so i did the character questionnaire thing following wisteria-lodge's post for damien because I thought it would be fun and it was!!! love this guy he's got so many issues!! I encourage all damien brainwom sufferers to also do this and throw ur own hat into the ring!

anyways:

What is the character’s go-to drink order? black coffee, and damien likes to make it himself because the routine of it lets him pretend, at least for a few minutes, that he can be a person. he doesn't really care about blends or the roasts, usually just grabs whatever off the shelf; if the place he's staying at only had a kettle, he'll take instant coffee. (damien would never admit this on pain of death but: he has a massive sweet tooth too, and if he gets a barista to add whipped cream or cold foam to his coffee, then that's his business. and if u saw damien with a frappe, no you didn't.) he opts for black coffee because he thinks that's what he supposed to drink -- that's what his persona, crafted over years, is supposed to drink. he saw something on TV that said "adults drink black coffee."

What is their grooming routine? he has none lol. he has none. no one talked to him about it, no one told him about any of it. he cuts his own hair with a shitty pair of dollar store scissors when he feels like it because he can't stand the intimacy of a barber. he hacks at his hair in a shitty bathroom somewhere, and he showers with whatever soap set the hotel/motel provides.

What was their most expensive purchase/where does their disposable income go? uh.

Do they have any scars or tattoos? there's a very faded burn scar on his wrist from his first time cooking for himself, after his parents left. he learned how to properly handle a hot pan that day. he has a nick somewhere from the first few times he's had to shave, before he knew how to angle a razor. a little indent on his ear, minuscule really -- the first time he went to a barber and he just kept running his hands through his hair and damien wanted him to keep doing it because it felt good then freaked out about it and violently flinched away, making the barber nip him on accident.

What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? he does not cry easy, he hates crying. he thinks it's a sign of vulnerability, of humanity, and he is not human. robert was human, robert cried like a baby, and robert was thrown away, but. damien doesn't cry... mark left, though, and he closed the door behind him when he walked out and damien slid to the floor and.

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? only child.

Describe the shoes they’re wearing. fucking ratty, worn, filthy things because damien already has to wash his clothes in the laundry, why would he put in the effort of cleaning his shoes?? they're for the ground, they're meant to be dirty.

Describe the place where they sleep. wherever he can. his childhood bed in an empty, dark, silent house. during damien's first years out in the world, he would sleep in whatever car he was driving, and sometimes it was a luxury one with heated seats. then as he got more control, he slept in california kings in mansions and penthouses, bed and pillows so soft with down and silk that he could almost sink through them. as he got more experience along with that control, he usually went for understated but nice condos where he could convince the landlord that he'd already paid. blending in was safer. damien hates sleeping beside windows, the sun rays always woke him up too early no matter how tightly he closed the curtains and blinds.

What is their favorite holiday? he tells people it's halloween because he thinks that's what he's supposed to say; it fits with his vibe, his persona, right? but really, he feels detached from all holidays -- all the kids going out with their parents and groups of friends laughing together on the street. every holiday required someone else to celebrate with, and damien couldn't stand any of them. he hated christmas, out of all of the others. he liked fourth of july and new years, though; he would park his car on a high cliff and watch the fireworks, dazzled by the sky).

What objects do they always carry around with them? phone, but really, what would he need to? he has nothing. and can get anything. post-canon, damien gets a wallet, small and worn and ratty but it does its job.

#damien gorham #damien the bright sessions #damien tbs

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whichcouldmeannothing · 2 years

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hanahaki!hangman

its no secret that i am working on a hanahaki au for tgm.. and its been a journey. i would like to share a snippet and if the reception is good ill probably finish it as a Christmas present

anyway angst stuff incoming! cw he does throw one up here so if ur uncomfy pls don't read!

He hears Rooster and his blood freezes.

Everything sounds like he's underwater. He tries not to look at him, but he knows his face betrays the worry he feels. Through the fog permeating his brain, he catches that he’s on reserve. He clenches his jaw, trying to keep anything else from spilling out. It invites no strong emotion in him because all he can think about is Bradley.

The rest of the day, two different sides of him fight. Rooster is a capable pilot, someone who can lead and who has the ability to pull the stupid shit Maverick does. He’s just as good as Hangman, but Hangman would be better suited for a decisive fight if they encounter any enemies. Jake has less to lose.

Bradley leaves the room after their briefing and doesn’t wait for anyone to talk to him. Jake looks on, a twisting feeling taking over his insides. Bradley, who has a habit of going slow, and who is going to go up against quick and ruthless fifth-generation fighters.

Bradley is a good pilot, but he can’t die like this.

They get the day off after that, and Jake pounds it at the gym. Hopefully, the physical pain overpowers his inner turmoil.

By evening, he can’t take it anymore. He leaves the lockers, walks the rounds and sees the lights on in one room. Jake slows down.

It’s the cool-down room for the pilots before they head up or after they come down. It’s covered in photos and memorabilia. So, when he sees someone in a black shirt with messy brown hair staring at a photo, he stops.

He only sees Rooster’s back, but he hears what he says. “Talk to me, Dad.”

Something pangs in his chest, and he runs off.

“You can’t send him on this mission.” There is no room for argument here. Maverick is sitting at his desk, tapping away on his tablet. Jake has half the mind to pick it up and smash it to the ground if it would get his point across. The metal door frame he’s leaning on is cold, and Mav’s stare is even colder as he looks at him.

“Lieutenant, I’m not changing my decision.”

“You have to.” Jake marches into the room. He stands tall and his face is set, and you could never guess that he spent ten minutes hunched over a toilet, tearing his throat raw. He can still taste the blood in his mouth, but he straightens himself. He can’t let Rooster do this.

“Lieutenant, this is grounds for insubordination.” And now Jake has to stifle a laugh because of the stories he’s heard about Maverick. He’s the fucking poster child for insubordination and he’s lecturing him? Jake stifles a cough.

“Captain,” he searches for the words. “He hasn’t learnt from anything, he’s the same guy, you can’t send someone like him up there!” The desperation leaks in his voice, and he feels sick, light-headed. Maverick clasps his hands together, too pissed to fake looking over his documents. He presses his lips together and is about to launch into a tirade, but Jake repeats himself from days ago.

“You know he isn’t ready, you know this.”

“Lieutenant, my choices are made with the mission’s success in mind, and he is one of the best pilots we have.” There’s a hint of anger under Maverick’s voice. That only adds to why Rooster can't fly, he chose Rooster for the mission because of their weird history. Emotions have no place in an active battle, you need gut reactions, not anxiety. He can’t go on this mission.

“But-” And he can feel it, crawling up his throat.

He coughs, but it goes from quiet to something that sounds painful. He covers his mouth, and he feels the tell-tale softness of a petal. He has to choke it down because he knows more are coming. He has to force this down. He puts another hand over his mouth, pressing it tight against his face.

Maverick’s anger fades into concern. He makes a move to stand, but Jake steps back. He tastes something metallic in his mouth.

He tries to swallow it down because he has to make Maverick listen, he has to save Bradley from this. His cheeks are filling up, and he can feel something that's definitely not a petal move up his throat. They feel like mini stalks, leaves tickling his throat.

"Lieutenant!" Maverick moves towards Jake. Jake shakes his head, but the movement lets petals fall from his mouth.

Bright yellow, tear-shaped petals fall to the floor. They contrast against the cement and Maverick stills, looking at them and back to Jake. His mouth is agape.

Jake can't come back from this. He accepts surrender.

He slowly removes his hands from his mouth, and more petals fall out, their colours going from yellow to their more iconic orange.

Horror dawns on the captain's face, turning him pale and his eyes to grow wide. Something catches in his throat, something much bigger than the petals, and with a hand on his neck, Jake coughs it out.

A full flower, with stalk and leaves, falls slowly to the ground. Its yellow petals are tinged with red blood spots.

Recognition fills Maverick's face. Jake closes his eyes.

guess what flower hangman is throwing up and u win my eternal love and respect and my soul also

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iminthetunnels · 1 year

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hey Bella, so I'm at the point in my life where I have a decent income and afford to have a child...but I'm so terrified at the state of the world. I know from experience in the school system being "different thinker" can get you shunned and alienated. Being alienated in middle school can cause you to be targeted by your teachers and peers Even at college level you mention something that's not x social media trend or materialistic bc and you get I met with an npc stare. I would love to be a parent but I feel like deep down I'm not enough to combat the bs in this world. Also hate the way girls are groomed at a young age from Instagram and social media. Like sometimes you cannot fully choose who is your extended community and it's impossible to control what messages kids consume 100% of the time.

i understand u so much. and i have had this discussion before. i still get freaked out by the way people act and how society runs. but i have lots of confidence that my child gets it… if that makes sense? i have a younger sister, she’s 15, and it scares me some of the things she tells me. because you’re right, you can’t control what your child is going to come across, and that’s another hurdle of parenthood. i may be the odd one out, bc of being abused, it causes me to be more cautious without even trying. someone asked me “doesn’t that raise a child up to be scared” and i don’t think so, i believe u can teach ur child the dangers, and the way the world is by just being open. letting them know they have a safe place to be. the world is scary to me, imagine how scary it is to a child.. idk i try to be calm and collected while also advocating for my child and myself. ur brain will change when u have a child, too. children are a huge blessing. in my mind, that’s how u would keep the world safe, and teach them how to nurture the land, and everything else worth while, u know???? does that even make sense. have children, teach them the beauty in the world, teach them to be brave and confident, teach them to advocate for themselves and advocate for them as a parent.

i also think if you’re thinking this way, i’d assume you’d be a great parent. very aware and wise

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chronicparagon · 1 year

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does harmony love envy? asking since ive seen it in Ur blog

Anonymously ask my muse a question about any of their relationships you've seen them in on this blog.

"Of course, I love Envy!" Harmony exclaims with her eyes light up with the warmth she has for him. "I fell for him quickly. I love his quiet nature, how he smiles when he sees me...his smiles are gentle...most of the time. I love how passionate he can be. It's almost like he will sweep you away when you least expect it! His kisses take my breath away every time! He is a wonderful listener. He never seems to mind when I sing or ramble about my day and thoughts. He can be very romantic dancing with me under the moonlight."

Harmony sighs softly as she thinks of the good times, "Envy is special to me in every way. I even dream of marrying him and having a family. It's something I want." Her heart swells with pure love for the Little Killer as she continues.

"I also have a thing for fangs, but he can be rather rough with them. Not that it's always a bad thing! It's just..." Harmony lowers her head and her shoulders lower. "I love Envy so...but love is not always about romance. Love is also about pain....Pain, confusion, and fear. Sometimes, he scares me. He can love a little too much. I'm not against Envy being protective of me. He saved my skin and I will always be grateful for that...But he can hurt other people who get too close or flirt. I wouldn't leave him for anyone else. I never dreamed of it! I love Envy and only Envy. No one else." She shakes her head as she speaks from her heart. Those incidents aren't common but when they do, she fears the worst for the unfortunate souls who even look at her.

"I love holding his hands and having him close to me, but he's cold to the touch. Even his lips are cold, but his tongue is warm. I don't know why. His eyes, too...They're always unsettling. People say eyes are the windows to the soul, but...I don't see his soul when I look into his eyes. They are black, solid black. I don't see joy, sorrow, or fury in them. They are just...empty." Harmony's silver gaze shines brighter, a silent warning of incoming tears.

"Some things happened to him. I know little about what he's been through. I know a bit about one incident when he was a child. He told me one night..." Harmony sniffs, her voice is a bit higher in pitch now. "But everything else...I don't know. I want to know more about Envy." Her body quakes as she forces her sobs to stay.

"I want to understand him! I want to understand why he can be so scary. Something...S-something is very wrong with him. Darkness keeps him prisoner, but I don't know who or what it is. He-He isn't a bad person deep down! I love Envy. I want to be part of his life and be a part of mine. I-I" She heaves a deep breath, but her attempts to stay calm falter. "I want to help him, but I...I d-do-don't know how. I wish I did...I'm scared...Very scared...I don't want to lose Envy."

Finally, tears fall and roll down her face. "I don't think my heart can take it."

@s-talking

#Anonymous #Anon #answered #thank you!!#s-talking #s talking #tagging you since it mentions Envy #Harmony loves him with all her heart #but she is also scared for him and wants to help him #forever bound to darkness (envyxharmony)#but yes #Envy is wonderful #Envy and Harmony are one of my favorite ships #and the Mun is a great friend who deserves the best #Harmony loves Envy #and I love Envy #I’m an Envy fan

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ram-de · 1 year

Text

[read] white trash warlock

idk when I'll be continuing good omens and evelyn hardcastle im sorry christian apocalypse and murder time loop... I'll get back one day

ANYWAY

After reading extraordinaties, and then all of us villains (and demise) I think I'm growing fond of the fantasy as a genre. I've read several pjo books and I think Harry potter in my teenage years but my English comprehension wasnt as good as how I am right now (writing is a different thing) so I think I missed a lot of clues and all lol there's always stuff I get confused and read back. I wondered what the hell happens at some points. I've read more contemporary dramas the past few months. BUT... Damn fantasy opens up a lot of interesting scenarios... And... I crave for more👉👈 good thing there's a basically infinite supply of fantasy stories

What I know about this book? White trash warlock... Is well, it's an urban fantasy. Meaning, as far as I understand it, a lot of fantasy tropes are implemented in the more usual contemporary setting. Did I get that right? I dont know.

The premise is... Some peeps can see through The Sight, a different kind of dimension(?) that dwells and live in basically the same place. The main protagonists are this guy Adam and his brother. They were estranged until one day Adam's brother asks him for help.

-----((++-------

Alright. COOL LIZARD PEOPLE... I can't really image what the hell cue is. My English comprehension isn't as good as I thought💀 alright. So theres this stuff that a guy made out of like, magical peeps creatures remains to make some kind of magical items. Cues? And Adam is pursuing the guy making these things. He's also been thrown away by his family simply because he has an affinity with magical entities, albeit weak.

His brother Robert is a guy with a wife whose unable to have child for like three times. And she's... She's nursing a blob of magical creature... Uh... Why am I doing a summary... BACK TO THE PROGRAM...

Ouu I like myself some groveling plot, asking for help after you kicked your brother out is low. I expect some good asking for forgiveness... Lmao

_-_---------------

There's gonna be a lot of angst isn't there sghsgshsh like family drama

So people just powers up (Sight) randomly from genetics?? Witch > warlock > whatever Adam is. Living with someone that can predict the future must've sucks like dont spoil me old lady💀

Why does the story gave me the shivers im lowkey scared it's making me think of my own future shzgshhs fiction is supposed to be an escape stopppp

Oh bobby is an ass screw him I'd call him another slime but he's probably gonna have a redemption one way or another and I know it's gonna be good

_--------_______----

I didn't miss that Aunt Sue didn't promise him anything when he asked if she'll be there when he returns. This lady can see the future (tho idk if it extends to her own's) OH SHE'S GONNA BE DEAD...

The Liberty House is some kind of a conversion therapy esque kind of school? oh the mom and the bro is shitty fr SLIMES YOU ALL

Adam my skilled ghostbuster son🤲 (I've never watched ghostbuster) ((he's older than me))

I don't actually know if I can read through this estranged distant painful family drama (for Adam, screw his mom)

Ouu... That's a bit chilling. WORLD BUILDING... LORE... APOCALYPSE INCOMING...

Bob guy irritates me as he should. Excellent characterization! I want him eradicated!

Is this an insta-love trope um😭 not too fond of them but dhsgshjehd ill muster through...

Idk bob sending ur brother to something akin of a conversion therapy just because he had something akin of a mental illness (it's not mental illness it's magic though I'm sure with how it affected Adam that much it'd get him some) (even if it's mental illness, do you really send them off and never check up on them?...huh... Wait some people do that?😭)

----------------

One thing that I thought in stories is, in this modern age of cameras and CCTV, there's no way strange occurrences can be kept hidden to the rest of the world. What do you mean reaper came in the form of human host that awoke when someone is gonna die? Wouldn't someone bat an eye for public death if a stranger suddenly grew and turned their pencil into a schyte... In the broad daylight? He'd be the killer, then! (technically not but also, that's how grim reaper reap souls?) but what if it's just an accepted normalcies... If so why is this guy Adam thought as if it's a hidden secrets only witches knows. This felt like a nitpick😭 im sure there's like an in-world answer idk why this one stucks lol

Also Adam is a witch that's good to know

OUUU time stopped for the mortal side. I see. I'm stupid.

Nitpicking is fun because I act like I'm a better writer than wrjtert who put love and sweat into their creation, in the product of their world building and lore. Im sorry😔 So the next nitpick is, does the non-mortal magic creatures speak English?

Oh their dead is a cheater AND a deadbeat I NEED HIM TO PERISH

Ok not a cheater (yet, idk)

Adam and Bobby seems OK-ish during their childhood who wanna bet it's something with their dad that made them estranged

Imagine waking up with a stranger memories damn Adam this is why you don't tether your life to another... ARE THEY BASICALLY SHARING A BRAIN NOW

That's some body horror right there like whatever you thought about the other guy knows too and nothing to hide or nothing to keep to yourself no personality whatsoever and also no individuality LIKE... Maybe it's good if they're like a good person but what if they're doing it to rob your bank account or steal whatever

So they're like fated mates now ok ig

Bob my even if you think sending your bro to a mental institute is "the best" thing to do, why haven't you reached out to him after, like all this time.

I like that Adam kept reminding Bob of how much he hated him, like yea deservedaushhshsushsh the elves are such cool creatures argent is a queen silver is a king and yes. What question? Uh, any. Yes.

This guy hasn't moved on from his ex😭 get over it smh

Bruh I though he's offering his own car lmaoo Adam you're such a menace and elves are car thiefs!!

Is this a meet-cute? I don't know if it's a meet-cute but I liked it. I'm eating. I'm thriving so much. Vics accepting magic just like that contrasting to how Adam's bro and mom denied it all his life😭 augshsh

WAIT THIS IS CUTE I'M SOLD.... WHO CARES IT ITS INSTA LOVE ITS INSTA CUTE and I love cute things except real people's. Real life kinda sucks. But this... This is soft and fluffy😭

Bobby's reluctance and Adam's attunement to magic reminds me of kids stories. I mean, like Peter Pan, maybe? I don't know, I haven't watched Peter Pan. Like this one kid movie about a kid that have monster friend in the forest. They're like a big monster doll. I forgot what the movie is called. Or like this one show where a kid (human, live action) can visit his animal friends (cartoon, animated). Or like Narnia. Um... What's my point. What I'm saying is that fantasy is just a temporary thing, and how kid grown out of them after they're an adult. Bobby wanted Adam to have a /normal/ live, despite magic and magical world present and real and exists. In a way, Adam is stuck on his affinity with magic (and partly that's because his family rejected it in the first place. When he's scared of it, they put him to therapist and give him drugs, diagnosing it of something he's not rather than listening, helping him in a way that would accepts him too.) and contrast that with Bobby who's just over all of it (partly because his father, deadbeat and abusive, also have an affinity to magic)

Vic is a cutie😭

Hm... Silver can't be Perak, can't he? W. DNDHSHS WTF. UM. UMMM.... WHAT IN THE TRANSLATION IS THIS. UM. Silver is literally Perak in Indonesian😭 like that's the word translation. UM.????

Ojh my god A LOT OF LORE DROPPED

Huh... Wait. That's weird. Silver is Argentum in Latin...😭 Okay, that's three. A pattern. What does this means. Does elves names themselves after a variation of the word 'Silver' in several languages. Is Silver and Argent the same person? WHAT IS HAPOENDJNG

So Perak is just a different guy and elves just named after Silvers ooooookay

Oh there is it is I have zero skills for implied clues haha😭

Bruh the King is mad stupid for locking the single practicioner left alive to fought the spirit😭 like my man that thing lolled elves and humans and there you have a guy willing to fight for it, and you locked him and your son because they had a thing in the past?

31----- AHHH soft soft and fluffy my heart is warm

I think I'll explode if Adam ended up with Silver, dont pursue the immortal/mortal angst PLEASEEE vic is good, no, GREAT even

Vicente... Dreamy

So all this time Bobby's doing is just an influence of a higher being? Aw that's strangely unfulfilling, now the groveling doesn't seem justified and I'm not excited for, if it'd happen, anymore. That's disappointing.

Surely Argent isn't going to be ded right..

This flashback is painful😭 I can sorta get why Bobby would send Adam to the house but really he's sending him for another years of hurt. Adam:( His dad is abusive. His mom is passive. And his brother no longer protects him.

Okay... So it's not necessarily a higher being puppeteering Bobby, sort of give him a way, leading him into it. That makes it better. Because what Bobby had done is still horrible.

AAH it ended. It's a HFN, definitely. And I'm... Why do I felt like I expected more of an ending? It doesn't really tie up a lot of loose knots. like his family problem (which is fair, since it's taken a lot of time.) I DID NOT SEE ANY GROVELLING, HMM? even the sorries felt lackluster like it's just unsaid and they just accepted it for what it is. Which is also fair, since they've been through a lot. but ALSO... the thing with Vic. Like... We don't even see him in the last chapter😭 and this guy Adam is going to go again to look for the warlock. UM. DO I READ THE SEQUELS...

Yes. Yea I will be. But I'll pace it out... I can do self-restraint (I can't)

#readingrams #white trash warlock

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violentviolette · 2 years

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even MORE FANDOM related questions because I cannot get enough (really loved how you put the whole "hero vs villain" structure of bnha and also the todoroki family dynamic into words, really well said genuinely). what are your thoughts on dabi's and hawks' dynamic? I'll admit, I'm not too knowledgeable on hawks' character beyond him growing up in a hero institute(?) and endeavor being his favourite hero since he was a kid (crazy connection there). would you say that you have a relationship akin to their dynamic (whether fanon and/or canon) irl? going outside of the bnha universe, what other characters would you say hit home for you as closely as dabi does (they can be anime or not) and other pairings you would say align with some irl relationships? I'm assuming chuuya is a top anime character for you, and if so, would love to hear your thoughts on his silly lil' self. IF you were in the bnha or bsd universe, what do you believe your quirk/ability would be, or what would you LIKE your quirk/ability to be? (you can tweak pre-existing ones to form something new or claim/combine pre-existing ones if you'd prefer). not too sure how much you know about pokémon, but if you were in the universe, which town/region would you like to grow up in? and if you were a gym leader, what type would you be and what would be the main quirks and colours of your gym outfit be? (if you want to go as far as listing the main pokémon you'd have as well, I'm all ears) Hell, you can be a gym leader of five types altogether for all I care. or create your own type (like a 'trans' type) and list pokémon you believe are trans as your main. non-related fandom question but you've reblogged posts about writing previously and I was wondering if you had somewhere you posted things (fics or smth) unless it's purely a journalling side-hobby or similar. anyways, hope all the noise in life has dialled down and that your father dies of his illness soon !

OUGHH anon listen. listen. i fucking love hawks with every fiber of my being that little bird boy has me by the *throat* i am SOOO NORMAL about him under a read more to save all ur dashboards

i genuinely love hawks so much i think he's an amazing character and he's so deeply intertwined with the todoroki's i very much consider him one. him and dabi both having father issues over the same man is genuinely so fucking funny to me. like imagine u meet a guy there's definitly something wrong with him and he's highkey got daddy issues and then u find out he's got daddy issues with UR DAD like aljksdhjkdsklasdjkhaksldj fucking gold but no on a serious note i ship dabihawks so hard. i think they're such great mirror images of eachother. they're the same and different in so many ways but their core ideologies are so different it makes for such a great push and pull between them. hawks comes from a deeply abusive household where he was neglected and beaten and then essentially sold off to a goverment agency to be trained as their super soldier. the hero commission i think is such an amazing concept that horikoshi absolutely squandered and did nothing with

like, the hero commission is introduced to us as this force for good, in the public eye theyre an agency that works with the top heros to keep everyone safe. but they're shady af, they ""adopt"" an abused and vulnerable child from a low income family, then abuse him further and train him as a disposable tool. they use him to kill in the name of the "greater good" and have him take the "unsavory" commissions, doing the dirty work that no one wants to publicly admit to in secret, always saying its the right thing to do, but is it? is any of that moral or right or just?? is any of that worth it? worth the countless people like lady nagant and hawks whose lives are stolen from them as children and are forced to become murderers for the state?? does their humanity not matter? how many people must be sacrificed for "the greater good" before its not worth it anymore? how is the commissions grooming of children to become murderers any different than all for one's grooming of children to become murderers? the only difference between dabi and hawks, is which side got to them first. all for one takes, abuses, and grooms dabi from childhood to become a murderer in order to create his ideal society. the hero commission takes, abuses and grooms hawks from childhood to become a murderer in order to create their ideal society. and yet one of these men is the number 2 hero and the other is a terrorist. what is the different? where is the line? have they not both suffered under the hands that guide them? are they not both irreparably broken by a system that swears its meant to protect them? are they not both failures? and hawks' internal struggle reflects this!! we see that the guilt of all the things he's done, the people he's killed, everything he's lost, and all he's sacrificed for the commission weighs on him. we see how it eats at him, how he doesnt consider himself a good person anymore, how he hates himself for every life he's taken, how he resents the commission for essentially enslaving him and caging him. how desperately he wants to be free and how the commission exploits his desire for a peaceful world by pretending everything he's done will be worth it for that goal. and he just keeps telling himself that over and over again, that it'll all be worth it one day, no matter how much he knows deep down that its a lie i think after his and dabi's original fight, it would have made much more sense for his character development for him to have defected or at least stop siding blindly with the heros. after the fall of the commission horikoshi essentially just stops giving hawks any development and stagnates his character after having learned absolutely nothing and their being zero consiquences for the heros. like dabi showing hawks murdering twice SHOULD have caused the public opinion of him to shift and for people to turn against him and for him to have to actually face and confront the person the commission turned him into and how much he hates that person and that should have been the tipping point for change but instead there's zero consiqunces, no one cares, hawks just doubles down on becoming endeavors new adopted son and just continues to follow him blindly and become a sexy lamp. it's so annoying and infuriating and one of my major gripes with the canon. hawks deserves so much better. he deserves to break

as for having a hawks of my own, that would be ryo LOL him kinning hawks and me kinning dabi was originally how we got to know eachother. we met in a cluster b server and he had a hawks pfp and was running a gore channel called hotel transylvania and i instantly fell in love with him LOL turns out we have like, multiple kin pairs in common which i just think is really funny. we have maimed and killed eachother in so many lifetimes <3 true love right there

as for other kins i have a few but not too many. rin okumura from blue excorcist, catra from she-ra, Akira from devilman crybaby, nezumi from no.6 and a couple others i do love chuuya!! he's my baby, i dont fully kin him but he is big me energy. i dont have too many in depth thoughts cause ive been avoiding the manga and spoilers cause ive liked watching the anime fresh but his and dazai's relationship is everything to me lmfaooo love some bitter ex's who still unconditionally love one another and who work so flawlessly together and compliment eachother so well and can just jump right back into things as if no time has come between them. also love the unshaken and unquestionable trust that comes with letting something destroy u knowing the other person will save u before its too late. soukoku is just *chefs kiss* and dead apple is SUCH a good arc for them

im terrible about inserting my current self into those universes to pick a quirk or gift tho cause like, in my mind i already exist there lmfaoooo so i can never actually pick a different thing than what my kin already has. like cremation is 10000% what my quirk would be and i would absolutely not be a gifted but actually be the current embodyment of an ancient summoned god LOL

as for pokemon i'd probably end up a water gym leader cause i always end up with a water team whenever i play lmfaoo i just cant help it i love the soggy wet little dudes. but personality wise id probably be a dark/fire type trainer. or i'd have like, nothing but dog and fox pokemon. my favorite as a kid was ninetails because ofc it was lmfaoooooo now it's vaporeon tho i love that little water fox so much

i do have an ao3 but i post there very very rarely. im not great at writting and so i just kinda dabble in short little stories when i get a real itch or have an idea i cant let go of. right now there's only 3 on there but ive been working on another dabihawks one but its taking me 90000 years a;lksdjjahsdklajsd

but thank u anon i really appreciate the kind words and questions and stuff!! im glad u enjoy my ramblings about how normal i am about anime men LOL

#jack.speaks #anon #thank u so much for all of these ur genuinely too kind <33333

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enchantedpendant · 3 years

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i feel like my extended family and even some family friends tend to overrate me way too much. like, no, i hope your child doesnt turn out like me.

#just bcs? what? i graduated school early?#i did well academically relative to how little i cared?#bcs i take freelance jobs while still being in med school (that continues to drain my energy and soul and will continue for years? lol)?#nah man i dont think these people know me #academic achievement is overrated #even then damn bruh i did nothing in school🤷🏻 i graduated early bcs i hated it there #i skipped and slept through a LOT of my classes man #why not aim for your child to... idk? constantly be rank 1? win all kinds of competitions? whatever man?#instead of aiming to be someone like me: the eternal number 2 at best who does the bare minimum bcs they just cant wait to get outta there?🤷#and bruh jobs?? what?? im just?? tryna deal w the fact that i wont have a stable income #until i finish residency which could possibly take another 10 years max #bcs indonesia doesnt pay their residents and infact residents pay tuitions????#even the money im making aint much🤷🏻 it just helps me eating out w less guilt #dont even get me STARTED on my personality #i am a lil shit LMAOOOO #dont pls dont want ur child to be like me #i am a disrespectful piece of shit #im a liar #not a good person #only does the bare minimum to fit in #with lots of issues that hinder my capability to emotionally and socially function #lots of em i cant even describe #i may like myself the way i am but i also have the self awareness to know that i suck #this episode on dani’s random thoughts: eid edition #some of em go as far as enrolling their children to the same schools i went to #like nah man u just dont know the way that school sucks and/or how they didnt help me much #like i still turned out shit🤷🏻

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kodaiki · 2 years

Text

[9:41 A.M.]

it’s the pounding headache you have in addition to the chirping birds outside your hotel room’s window that wake you up. you groan at the feeling, bringing a hand over your forehead, int attempt to soothe the pain by rubbing at the spot just behind your eyebrow.

how much did i have to drink last night?

when your massage doesn’t work, your throw your hand off to the side, expecting the soft, plush comforter to be what your hand hits but on impact, it’s a hard surface; a little squishy, but mostly hard.

with furrowed brows and squinted eyes, you turn your head and just about yelp at the sight beside you.

miya atsumu snores peacefully, rolled over facing you, curled up into a pillow as he sleeps soundly. your sound doesn’t make him budge one bit and neither does the nudge you give his shoulder.

you blink a few times, in attempt to wake yourself up further, as if this could’ve just been some figment of your imagination - or by the doing of your pounding head.

after a few seconds, you realize that miya atsumu is indeed in your bed and you have no clue how or why.

“atsumu, what the hell are you doing in my bed!?” you chant the question like your life depends on it as you pull and shake his arm. your sleepiness has worn off completely at this point and all you’re left with is a pounding headache and feelings of horror.

“shhh,” atsumu shushes, half asleep, “let m’sleep.”

“not going to happen! get out of my bed!”

“last i checked, iss’ my bed,” he slurs sleepily, never moving a muscle, except to curl further into the plush pillow under him.

you blink at him, looking around your surroundings and to your surprise , he’s right. this isn’t your bed. hell, this isn’t even your room!

it’s an honest mistake since nearly every hotel room looks just about the same in this building but still! what are you doing in the same room as this man!

from what you last recall, you attended the formal banquet with the team you managed, the msby black jackals, for their usual sponsorship and endorsement scouting in addition to the several interviews some highly classified paparazzi you oversaw and organized.

you remember bokuto having a fit about his suit and tie not fitting right, hinata wondering if other players were also attending, sakusa avoiding every surface like the plague, and atsumu pouting and trudging around like a bored child at a wedding.

you remember eating the hors d'oeuvres - only because they were those spinach puffs you could never get enough of - and sending off to ur team in different directions to chat up with businesses.

the last thing that seems somewhat fuzzy to you is someone offering you a drink? making a joke? complimenting you?

you can’t remember.

“you’re going to tell me what the hell happened last night after the banquet or so help me god, i’ll beat it out of you-“

“always the charmer,” he mutters into the pillow. “‘s this what ‘m s’pposed to expect for the rest of my life?”

you scrunch your eyebrows together at his question.

“what’s that supposed to-” your voice falls in your throat when you smack his shoulder again, only to see what’s adorning one of your fingers; the finger between your middle and pinky, to be specific.

there, twinkling in the light coming from the hotel room’s window, is a beautiful band studded with an equally beautiful rock of a diamond probably worth more than your income. your lips part at the sight and a gasp escapes your lips as you take a closer look.

“atsumu,” you mumble and it’s the seriousness in your tone that finally gets him to wake up.

atsumu’s eyes peel open and at the sight of you staring hard at your hand, he gradually moves to sit up against the headboard. “yeah?”

when you don’t answer, he rolls his eyes. “don’t tell me I got’ya the wrong size. i asked ‘ya like a million times what size ring y’were.”

“what?!” the loudness of your voice makes atsumu wince and he reaches to rub his temples wit his forefingers.

“jeez, what is it?”

“what happened last night.” it’s a question but your tone makes it sound like a statement as you glare at the man beside you.

atsumu gives you a long look, almost in shock that you don’t know. “jesus, how much did you drink last night? y’seriously don’t remember? i get that we were drunk but-”

“atsumu.”

atsumu sighs, now fully aware you have no recollection of the last twelve hours.

“we got married.”

657 notes · View notes

enthusiasticharry · 4 years

Text

The Secrets You Keep

summary: you're a stripper, and you meet Harry off shift. what happens when he finds out?

request: hiiii would you be able to do something like stripper y/n? not where they meet at the club or anything but something natural like at a cafe or something but she keeps it from him bc she thinks he’ll leave her? then he has a guys night at the strip club and sees her perform? but he loves it and she’s a bit embarrassed? idk but that kinda vibe if ur up for it! X

word count: 8.3k words of fluff, smut and angst if you squint (and i really mean squint) also not proofread, sorry!

masterlist | asks

It never occurred to you that once you left full time education you’d end up becoming a stripper. It wasn’t the occupation you had envisioned for yourself, but it was the one that paid the best money and even though it shouldn’t be — money was the thing that you needed the most. You lived in a small, one bedroom flat that you shared with your Grandma who had no income and little pension meaning that you was the only source of income for the two of you. Obviously it was hard upon you, but your Grandma had done so much for you when you were younger that you wanted to help her as much as you possibly could. Granted, finding a job as an eighteen year old that was enough to help pay the bills and for the treatment your Grandmother needed wasn’t the easiest, and that was how you stumbled across the club and the jobs there. Your Grandma didn’t know how you received your income, and you planned to keep it that way for as long as you physically could.

“Have you got any private dances today?” Jocelyn, also known as Sapphire amongst the people in the club, asked as she started fixing her makeup in the mirror next to yours.

“I don’t know.” You sighed, spraying a small amount of hairspray upon your curls, “I haven’t spoken to Elliot yet.”

“Apparently some big shot businessmen are coming in tomorrow.” Ruby adds from the other side of you, applying a lipstick that matched her name to her lips.

“Ugh.” Sapphire groaned, “That means old men with small dicks wanking to us instead of being with their probably very lovely, loving wives at home.”

“They lust after the taboo.” You add, applying a small amount of lipgloss to your lips, “They want what they can’t have, and brag when they get it.”

“They have money though.” Ruby shrugged, “Haven’t had many tips this week. I’d probably do anything for a couple hundred quid tomorrow.”

“Not anything Ruby.” You turn to look at her, shaking your head at the younger girl, “Stand your ground. Don’t let them take advantage of you.”

“I won’t.” She smiled, “I learnt from the best.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

As a fresh eighteen year old, just as Ruby was now, you could’ve only hoped for someone to help you and guide you through the trails and tribulations you endured at the club. That’s why you sort of took the younger girl under your wing and helped her as much as possible.

It wasn’t a lot. Granted, with what they did the majority of it was on their own upon the stage or in a private dance but you wanted to make sure she had small tips to help her handle herself in any situation that could occur and that she someone to talk to if she ever needed it.

“Are you working tomorrow, Emerald?” Emerald was your stage name.

“No.” You sigh happily, “It’s my day off.”

“Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.” Ruby smiled.

You certainly did.

The next morning, after helping your Grandma get ready and to the hospital, you make your way towards the small café you usually went to during your Grandmother’s chemo sessions. They usually lasted around three hours, and whilst you offered to stay with her, she usually forced you to leave and spend some time on your own, claiming she didn’t want you to see her at her worst.

The spring days had just started to warm up, so you dressed yourself in a summer dress you had picked up for cheap at a charity shop. You carried your tote bag with your book in over your shoulder as you pushed past the people on the street.

It wasn’t usually this busy, and looking around you saw no free tables but a few free chairs dotted around. Your favourite table, tucked away in the far right corner by the window had been taken by a man sat reading, just as you would’ve been. You toy back and forth with the idea of going to sit over there as you walk over to the counter.

You order your usual, a peach iced tea, and wait for the kind barista to make it. Your free days, usually, landed sporadically. They normally occurred when your grandmother either had chemo or a hospital appointment and that’s only because she can sometimes be really ill after them and needed you to look after her. Even though Elliot was not a good person by any means, he understood your situation and did help as little as he could.

“Excuse me.” The man looked up from this book at you, “Is this seat taken?”

“Uh. . .”

“It’s fine if it’s not!” Your quick to add, “There’s just no other seats.”

“No.” Your smile falters, “No! I mean that the seats not taken. It’s yours.”

“Thank you.” You drop your tote bag down on the floor, holding your hand out to the man, “I’m YN.”

“Harry.” He shakes your outstretched hand.

There was something oddly familiar about him, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on why. He dressed quite casually, a punny t-shirt that said something about health on it and you didn’t want to seem too weird and bend down to look at what he had on his bottom half but you suspected it was something just as interesting.

You take your book out of your bag and place it on the table in front of you, flicking through the pages until you found the page you had left off at.

As a child you loved to read. Your grandmother always read you a bedtime story before bed and it lead to English being your best subject at school. Whether it be the creative writing aspect, or the analytic — you were just good at it. It was your highest grade at GCSE, an A, and your highest grade at A Level, a B.

You didn’t exchange any more words with Harry the entire time you were there. Periodically you looked up at him, and somewhere deep down you hoped that he did the same for you but you couldn’t be too sure. The book that he was reading seemed interesting enough, something about watermelon, you had noticed. You had a slight suspicion that it wasn’t about watermelon but you could never be too sure you supposed.

A whine almost escaped your lips when you realised that you had to go pick up your Grandmother and your book had just gotten interesting. That was the problem when you read, you could sit and do it for hours and not even look up. It was something so interesting to you that you could immerse yourself in a world different to the one you lived in and slip out of reality for however long and return back to normal as though nothing had happened.

“Thank you for letting me sit here.” You smile as you pack your bag up, “Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

You left feeling sort of fuzzy inside. You hadn’t spoken to the man at all really, but he was kind and certainly handsome with his tousled brown hair and gentle smile. That was probably going to be the last time that you saw him, and you probably should’ve asked for his number at least but you didn’t and that was why you walked away with him laying heavy upon your mind.

The next day, you wanted nothing more than to leave in the middle of your shift and curl up on the sofa. Instead, you were stood in a private room in the back of the club swirling your hips for a man sat upon a chair in the middle.

“You’re fucking fit.” He moans, and you almost throw up in your mouth.

“Thank you.”

You move yourself so you’re hovered over his lap, twisting your hips to beat of the sultry song spilling out of the speakers. If you didn’t need the money, or have a bills to pay you certainly wouldn’t be doing this.

“Fucking sort.” That’s when his hand drops down upon your behind, squeezing the flesh harshly.

You stand up, flipping around so that you’re looking at him, “Hands off.”

“Babe.” He throws his head back, “C’mon I’ve paid bags for this dance.”

“And you pay for a dance, and the rules state no touching.”

He holds his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry. Won’t happen again, babe.”

“Better not.”

It does, and that’s when you get up and leave. He still has to pay, which is a plus but it just isn’t the best feeling. The job you do isn’t one that people necessarily respect you for, but there are rules in place to help with that. You and the other dancers within the club were human beings and deserved the rights that any other person has.

“You okay?” Ruby presses her hand to your shoulder as you powder your under-eyes, “I heard he was touching.”

“Yeah.” You smile at her through the mirror, “Started behind and they he just full on groped me.”

“Men are pigs.”

“I second that statement.” You laugh, “But you know what they’ll say.”

“That we teased and antagonised them to do it.”

Throwing her a deadpan look, you nod. It was something that you had dealt with for the past six years of your life and even though you did hate it and wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you up every time it happened — you had gotten used to it.

“Did you have a nice day off yesterday?”

“I did thank you.” You smile, “Read a bit. Spent some time with my Grandma.”

“Sounds lovely.” Her face then twists into one that you can’t quite pinpoint, “You didn’t miss much here.”

“The businessmen not up too much?”

“No they paid well.” She nodded, “We just had to watch them wank their micropenises at us.”

You curl your nose up at the thought, “That sounds pleasant.”

“Totally.” She snorts.

“Emerald. Ruby.” Elliot sticks his head into the room, “Get your asses back out there.”

Ruby rolls her eyes and you laugh. Your job certainly wasn’t your favourite but some of the people around you made it more pleasant.

Two weeks later you find yourself sat in the corner of the café down the road from the hospital, your book open in front of you and a peppermint tea sat upon the table in a pot. Your Grandmother’s second round of chemo was slowly coming to the end of its stint and even though you wanted nothing more than for her to be back to the epitome of health, you would miss spending time at this small café.

“Hi.” You lift your head up to see Harry stood there, slightly breathless, “Is this seat taken?”

“It’s yours.” You smile, watching him drop his book on the table.

This time you could see his entire outfit. A white t-shirt with some writing on that you missed, a floral shirt over the top paired with red corduroy flares. You were right the last time that you met him —he did have an amazing sense of style. You, however, bought whatever was the cheapest or on sale that seemed acceptable to wear in public.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay.” You smile, “You?”

“Good, thanks.” He scratches the base of his neck, “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh.” You have to stop yourself from smiling too much, “I only come when my Grandma has an appointment and they’re usually two weeks apart.”

“Ah.” He nods before his face curls, “I’m sorry if that seemed creepy.”

“It didn’t.” You can’t help the butterflies that erupt within your stomach, “I just thought I wouldn’t see you again.”

“Couldn’t let that happen.” Heat rises up your neck as he beams.

“No complaints about that from me.”

“That’s good.” He rests his hand upon his chest, letting out a deep breath, “Thought I was punching a little over my weight.”

“You’re not.” You cheeks hurt from smiling, “It’s cute.”

He looks down at his book. He seemed so shy, as though he had a confidence to talk to people but once they complimented him or something to do with him it completely changed. It was intriguing. He was already nicer to you than most people you’ve met of the opposite sex in your life and you’re let to learn anything about him apart from the fact that he reads Bukowski and likes black coffee — it certainly wasn’t much to go on.

“How long do we have until you have to go back to your Grandma?”

“Not long.” You sigh sadly, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I understand, it’s okay.” He flashes you a small smile, “Can I walk you back to the hospital?”

You ponder his offer for a second, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

You walk back to the hospital brushing arms with one of the nicest people you’d ever met, and you couldn’t be happier.

“Has your Grandma been having treatment for long?”

“It’s her second round.” You explained, “They originally removed the tumour and it went away but it came back. They caught it quickly and she’s back in bay 11 for three hours every two weeks.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, “That must’ve been tough.”

You shrug, “She’s a fighter, I know she is.”

“I don’t doubt she is.” He smiles, “She’s got an amazing granddaughter to stay alive for.”

The walk to the hospital isn’t long enough in your opinion. You speak about a few things, and you learn he does music and that’s when you put two and two together and realise that he’s actually Harry Styles from One Direction. Harry wished he could’ve recorded your reaction when you realised.

Harry had never met someone like you, and he had met a lot of people in his life. You were sweet, and kind and so gentle but also confident and held yourself in such a strong way that he couldn’t help but want to know you, the real you.

“This is it.” You stop in front of the entrance closest to the chemo ward, “Thank you for walking me.”

“It’s no problem.” He smiles, “I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but can I get your number?”

“Uh. . . yeah.”

“Great.” He beams, “At least now I won’t have to hope you show up at the café.”

You swear you felt your heart burst.

During your shift a couple of weeks later, you don’t notice your phone light up a message. You actually don’t notice at all until you arrived home that night. You had already checked on your Grandma, who was sound asleep in bed, and that’s when you allowed yourself to drop down upon the sofa with a sigh.

Seeing an unknown number pop up on your screen at first had confused you, but once you had looked further into it, your palms started sweating.

Hi YN. It’s Harry. I know it’s been a while but I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. I hope you and your Grandma are well.

Your heart starts to beat faster. The message you had awaited for weeks was here and you had no idea how to act, never mind what too reply back with. The only thing that spiralled around within your mind was that he had been thinking about you.

In your head, you imagined him pacing around in his large house trying to figure out what to send you, just like they do in the movies. You at least hoped that was what he had been doing over the past couple of weeks.

Hi Harry! It’s lovely to hear from you, sorry it’s late. I’m okay, Grandma’s getting there. How are you?

You throw your phone down on the sofa next to you, trying not to giggle like you did as a schoolgirl whenever you were messaging boys. You nearly cried whenever you phone ran out of credit and you’d end up having to run to the store to get a top up in the morning with your spending money and explaining to them what had happened. You were thankful that your upgrade didn’t need that.

I’m okay. Glad to hear about your Grandma. I know this is probably really weird and totally out of the blue, but are you free this weekend? I’m leaving next week for a little while and I really want to see you before I do.

In your head, you ignore the end of the message about him leaving and focus on the fact that he wants to see you. Harry Styles wants to see you. You hoped it was a date, everything pointed it to be a date but you didn’t want get too ahead of yourself.

You haven’t had a boyfriend since your first year of Sixth Form, and the first date you were going on since then was going to be with Harry Styles of all people.

If you pull some strings, work an extra long shift on Saturday and please some of Elliot’s special clients — you may be able to get Friday night off. It was a maybe, but over the next two days you could make it a yes. You hoped that you could make it a yes.

You’ve never, in your six years of working at the club, missed any of your shifts for anything other than your Grandma suddenly falling ill, and those were on rare occasions. You certainly deserved this day off.

I’ll have to check with my boss but I think I could do Friday night? If that’s not a problem for you.

You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from internally freaking out.

Sounds perfect. How about I pick you up at 8?

You wince. It wasn’t as though your were embarrassed of where you lived because you weren’t. You’ve worked hard to be able to pay for the flat and everything in it but there was something about showing it to someone who you’ve only just met and had no intention of explaining your situation to wasn’t on the top of your priority list.

Is there any chance I could meet you somewhere?

Of course. Where do you fancy eating? Italian? Thai?

Italian sounds good.

Great. I’ll send you details over.

Thank you :)

See you then, YN. Sweet dreams.

Night, Harry.

You slept well that night.

“I just don’t think I can spare you Friday.” Elliot sighs, “I’m sorry YN.”

You have to stop yourself from wanting to cry. You don’t use up all your holiday days, and you work way more than you should or that you’re paid for but you don’t complain and you just get on with it. The one time you ask for a shift off, his stubborn ass says that he cant do it.

“Please, Elliot.” You sign, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear, “I just need this day off.”

“And I need my best girl on the floor. Need the best of the best.”

“There are plenty of other better girls than me working here.”

He shakes his head, “You’re the favourite, YN. Need you to be there.”

“Elliot.” You sigh, leaning forward in the uncomfortable seat you were sat in, “I’ve worked for you for six years and I’ve never asked for a day off like this before.”

“Yeah but—”

“—and! I’ve never asked for a day off apart from going to the hospital and you know that.”

“I couldn’t exactly say no to you—”

“I’ve worked every shift you’ve ever asked me to, covered for people when you need it.”

“Stop it!” He holds his hand up to silence you, “Just shut up for a second.”

You clamp your lips shut. If you didn’t need to stay on his good side to get Friday off you probably would’ve said something about how rude he was being. He’d always been rude, but he paid you and the rest of the girls so you all chose to ignore it.

He ponders, and you know the cogs are turning within his brain as he scrolls through his laptop, typing a few things. He takes his glasses off his face and drops them dramatically down on the table in front of him.

“Ruby will cover your shift.”

You let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you!”

“Don’t be thanking me too quickly.” He points his finger, ��I need a favour from you.”

“Anything. Well not anything.”

“In a few weeks times there’s a big birthday party coming in.” He explains, “I need you to be the star of the show, do private dances and all the good things like that.”

“Just that?” You ask, knowing that it could be a trap knowing Elliot’s track record.

He nods, “Just that.”

You look at him sceptically, “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.” He holds his hands up, “A few big names are coming, that’s all. A list celebs that have asked to use the back exit.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Let me know the date and I’ll do it.”

You stand up, happy that you’ve managed to get your shift tomorrow off and that you can go on the date you have been excited for since you met Harry and was introduced to the world with him in it.

“Have fun at your thing Friday.”

“Thank you. . .?”

You don’t think you like Elliot being nice to you.

Friday night rolled around quickly and you were thankful for that. After helping your Grandma with her own dinner and into bed, you start getting ready. You curl your hair, brushing it out until its in what looks like effortless waves but are actually quite hard waves to achieve. You do natural makeup, something completely different to makeup you usually wear in one of your shifts. You try to keep all of your features soft, different to how you usually look on a day to day basis. You dress in a long white polka-dotted maxi skirt, paired with a thin long-sleeved jumper that would keep you warm due to the ever changing British weather.

You had done a little bit of research on the restaurant Harry had sent you the address for and learnt that it wasn’t the most expensive restaurant ever, but one that was way out of your price range. It meant that you had to dip into the fund that you keep for occasions where you need a little extra money or you will use in the future when you eventually move out and busy your own place.

The tube was crammed, seeing as though it was a Friday night and the majority of people were either coming home from work and stating to go out for end of the week drinks. You knew that the club would start to become heaving as the night grew and a part of you was thankful that you didn’t have to work today, and you were given a small break from the hell that is working at a strip club.

The restaurant, when you arrived, definitely looked fancier than it had online. The bar stood against the corner wall, the right hand side of the restaurant had booths covering the walls whilst stand alone tables scattered around the rest of the room.

You were surprised when you saw Harry, already sat at the booth in the far right corner. He lifted his hand up in an awkward sort of wave and you couldn’t help but beam at him. He had a shirt, an expensive looking white shirt with a yellow and blue jumper over the top. You hand felt so excited to see someone since when your Grandma went into hospital for her tumour being removed and you couldn’t see her for a few days.

“YN.” He sighs, “Hi.”

“Hi.” You smile, slipping into the booth across from him.

“Was starting to think you wasn’t going to show up.”

“I’m sorry.” You tuck your hair behind your ear, “I underestimated how bust the tube was going to be.”

You can tell he wants to pry but instead he says, “It’s okay.”

His nails were painted yellow, a few of them painted lilac as well. There was something so simple about his nails that you just loved, and if it wasn’t weird you probably would’ve stared at them for way too long for it to be acceptable. You knew he had tattoos, and you could see the cross on his hand and the the anchor peaking out from underneath his shirt and you wanted to see more.

“I like your nails.” You smile, running your own fingers over your own nails underneath the table.

“Thanks.” A blush creeps up his neck, “I did them last night. Sort of calmed me down, I was quite nervous.”

“Nervous for what?”

“This.” He nods, “I haven’t been as nervous for a date in a long time.”

“You don’t have to be nervous.”

In your twenty four years of living, you’ve never had someone say that they were nervous to see you. You’ve been nervous to see and do many things in your life and you hoped that somewhere along the line it would’ve been the same for somebody else and yourself but you had the slight suspicion that wasn’t the case. Hearing those words out loud, coming from someone who you’d never expect it too was special, and you were going to keep that for as long as you physically could.

“I did.” He looks down at the table briefly, “I’ve never liked a girl as much as I like you before.”

“You don’t really know me.”

“I’d like to get to know you.”

That’s what you do. For the rest of the date you don’t stop talking. Even though you’re starving and could eat your fist, it takes you the longest you’ve ever taken to eat your food because of how much you spend it talking.

You’re just about to dig in to your desert when your body physically halts, “Why didn’t you want me to pick you up?”

“I, uh, I—”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t what to! I know I can be pretty invasive sometimes.”

“No, it’s fine!” You take a sip of your drink to swallow down the dryness within your throat, “I don’t live in the nicest building, or in the nicest area and I guess I was embarrassed.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“But I was.” You drop your eyes to the plate in front of you, “I know I shouldn’t have been and that it was stupid but I just didn’t want you judge me before you truly knew me because of where I live.”

“I hope you know now that I wouldn’t have done that.”

“I do.”

You let Harry drive you home. Even though you would never admit it to his face just yet, you really liked him. He was kind, sweet and funny and everything you could ever want in your person. You haven’t said this in a long time but you love the person you are around him and you wouldn’t change it for the world if you didn’t have to.

He stops in the car park outside the building of flats you live in and you can tell he’s thinking deeply about something but you try to not concentrate on that too much.

“I would invite you up.” You laugh, “But I don’t think the sofa in the middle of my Grandma’s flat whilst she snores in the next room is the most romantic.”

He scrunches up his nose, “I can’t say that it is.”

“I’m sorry.” You drop your head to look at your hands that are tested on your knees, “I really wish I could offer you something. Anything.”

“It’s okay, YN.” He uses his finger to move your head up so that you’re looking at him, “I don’t expect anything from you. I hope you know that.”

“I know.”

He hesitates for a moment, and you can feel the finger that was rested upon your chin move upwards so that its upon your cheek. You flicker your eyes closed and just mask in the feeling of his touch against your cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks.

You eyes open as you nod your head, letting out a shaky breath at the sheer surprise you feel at his words.

“Want your words, darling.”

“Please kiss me.”

You close your eyes again and you feel his lips touch yours. It's light at first, but you can’t contain yourself and you end up pushing closer to him, relishing in the feeling of his lips upon yours. Your fingertips grip the collar of his shirt, trying to pull him closer without hurting himself too much on the centre console. Even though you both don’t want to, you pull away as you start to loose breath.

“You okay?” Your chest heaves up and down as he speaks.

“Never been better.” You sigh, resting your forehead against his.

“Good.”

You kiss again, this time its more passionate and you can’t help but let out a small whine as he pulls away. The smug look on his face after hearing that sound was enough to send your stomach doing flips.

You really didn’t want to do this, but you had too: “I have to go.”

“It’s okay.” He smiles, “I understand.”

“Okay.” You reach for the door handle.

“I have to go away for a bit.” He sighs, “I’m writing some music over in America but when I get back, do you want to maybe go on another date?”

“I’d love to.”

He presses one last kiss to your lips and you leave the car, muttering a small, “Bye.”

You feel giddy. As though you’re sixteen again and just come back from your first date with your first boyfriend. It was something you hadn’t felt in a long time and in all honesty, you had no idea how to handle those feelings. You certainly wouldn’t admit that you screamed quietly into your pillow in excitement that night.

You couldn’t wait for him to return home.

Two weeks. Harry was away for two weeks and even though you had only kissed him once, twice if you actually count how many kisses there were, you missed him more than words could explain. You weren’t one to usually message first, so you did end up waiting until Harry had a spare moment to message you which wasn’t as often as you would’ve liked but you couldn��t complain.

You almost felt as though you had been drip fed this new life with Harry in, only to have it taken away quicker than you could blink. It wasn’t forever, and that was probably the thing keeping you sane. This had all happened in such a short amount of time but you wouldn’t change it for the world.

The only thing that limited how far you could take this was your job.

Harry had obviously been curious and during a text conversation in the first week of his week being away — he asked what you did. After having a small freak out you decided to say that you worked in a bar. It was a small, white lie and you hated yourself for it but telling him that you were a stripper just didn’t feel like the best thing to do at that time.

You just weren’t ready to tell him, and that was totally okay.

Speaking of your work, tonight was the night of the big party that Elliot made sure you could come to. The club had held celebrity parties before, so you weren’t entirely nervous but every time someone mentioned it you could feel your heart speeding up slightly.

“Emerald.” You turn to look at Elliot who’s trudging towards you, a bag in hand, “Here’s your new outfit for tonight.”

“New? I thought I’d just wear the one for special occasions.”

“This is a special, special occasion Emerald.” He dropped the bag down in front of you, “Wear this.”

Taking the material out of the bag, your mouth dropped open at the sight of the emerald green lingerie in your hands. It was delicate lace that you feared you’d rip if you weren’t too careful. Putting it on, your breasts slightly spilled over the lace, and whilst your front was covered, the thong back of the lingerie left your ass on full display. It was beautiful, you couldn’t dismiss that but you just hadn’t ever worn something so skimpy before. You pulled your black silk robe over your shoulders, fastened your black heels onto your feet and made your way towards the side of the stage.

The skimpiness of the new lingerie did send more butterflies to the pit of your stomach than you were originally hoping for but it was only another hurdle for you to get over which you knew you’d be able to do.

You heard the music start to play, you slipped your hand through the gap in the curtain and opened it, revealing yourself to the room.

Here goes nothing, you mumble to yourself.

Harry’s jaw dropped at the sight of you on the stage. It certainly wasn’t his usual scene, a strip club, but it was a friend of a friends birthday and he had kindly been invited and he wasn’t about to turn it down. He wasn’t in the band anymore, and certainly didn’t have to hide that he went to places like this anymore, even though they weren’t his favourite.

He couldn’t bare his eyes off of you. The way your body moved to the rhythm of the song, your darkly manicured nails pushed the robe of your shoulders, exposing the delicate lingerie you were wearing. Harry would be lying if he said that his cock didn’t start to stir at the sight.

You. The girl who he thought spent her days reading, and looking after Grandma had a secret persona that he only wanted to explore more.

“My word.” One of the men in the group spoke, loudly so that everyone could hear him, “She’s fit as fuck.”

“To get my hands on her.”

Harry clenches his jaw, and his fist that rested on the arm of his chair. If he wasn’t in a very public place where people could record him, he’d give that man a piece of his mind. He probably would but he’d do it when nobody was around so the man could truly understand what he was saying to him.

“Do you think I could get a dance with her?” The birthday boy asked.

“It’s your birthday.” The dickhead with no morals spoke, “She might give you something special as a present.”

“The rules say no touching.” The words slip out of Harry’s mouth before he can stop them, “So I highly doubt that.”

“I’m sure you’d be saying something different if you were in his position, Styles.”

Harry rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on the stage, watching as you seductively bent down to pick up some of the tips that had been thrown on the bottom of the stage. The song was slowly finishing and Harry couldn’t help but feel a little bit of disappointment bubbling within him.

Harry watched your lean legs as you strutted towards the side of the stage, flicking the long wig on your head over your shoulder, seductively running your tongue over your bottom lip as you pulled the material of the lingerie down from your breasts.

Harry bit his lip, his leg bounced, he ran his hand up and down his thigh. He tried to do everything in his power to distract himself from the rousing within his trousers but he just couldn’t do it. The flimsy material dropped to the floor, your red painted lips curled up into a smirk and you made your way behind the curtain, not showing any of your truly bare skin.

If you hadn’t been imprinted on his brain before, you certainly were now.

You could hear the grunts and groans of happiness, and a few cheers whilst on stage but the lights were so bright that you couldn’t see anything past the first row or so. The tips you had received were good, and you were pleased about that.

You received your robe and bra back from the stage and pulled them back onto your body. Your solo dance was always a hit for Elliot, and you supposed that was why he’s kept you on for so long and if you were honest, they were the easiest to do. Private dances always made you too uncomfortable, and in the six years you’ve worked there there had only been a handful of people that made you feel comfortable when it came to private dances.

“Emerald.” Elliot walks in smiling and you assume everything is swell on the floor, “They fucking love you.”

You nod your head, muttering a small and awkward, “Thank you.”

He hums, “You’ve been requested for a private dance, and he’s promised to pay you accordingly.”

“Really?”

Another hum, “Room Two. I think he’s already there.”

“Thanks.”

He leaves the room, a bounce in his step. You suppose that this is a good thing and he’ll finally get off your back for the time you took off for the date with Harry. You at least hoped.

You checked yourself. You made sure your makeup still looked flawless, your breasts sat perfectly within the material and your arse looked good. You brush through the wig once and make your way towards room two, the smaller of the three private dance rooms which helped it be more intimate.

You smiled at the bouncer at the door, Gerry, a man who looked as though he could kill someone with a single punch but was actually a massive teddy bear. He was good at his job of keeping everyone safe and making sure that the bad eggs that came in left just as quickly.

Watching the door slowly open, Harry felt his heart stop. He had been pacing up and down the room ever since he had walked in, and only just stopped when he heard the creek of the door. He couldn’t believe that you were in front of him, and you certainly couldn’t believe that he was in front of you either.

“YN. . .” He sounded breathless.

“Harry?” He could see your chest rising and falling at a quick pace, “What? How? I thought you were in America.”

He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “I got back last night.”

“Why are you here?” He can hear the lump in your throat as you speak, your eyes glossing over.

“A Birthday party.”

“Yours?”

“No!” He’s quick to interrupt, “A friend of a friend. It’s not mine. Mine’s in February, and I certainly don’t think I’ll be having my party here. Not that there’s anything wrong with here! It’s lovely! You’re lovely! I’m rambling.”

He was so gosh darn cute and if you weren’t in the middle of a break down, you probably would’ve laughed or at least reacted to his little word vomit. It was probably the quickest you’d ever heard him talk, not that it was hard.

After a few minutes of contemplating what to say, you sigh, “I’m sorry.”

His voice is soft, his features falling, “What are you sorry for?”

“Lying to you.” You drop your gaze to the floor, trying to suppress the tears, “I didn’t want to.”

“Hey, hey.” He walks over to you, placing his finger underneath your chin just like he had done in the car weeks ago, “No need to get upset, I’m not.”

“You should be.” You bottom lip quivers, “I lied to you and I had no intention to retract that just yet.”

“YN.” He rests his palms on your cheeks, “I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I just want to know why.”

“I was scared.” You admit, trying to do anything but look up at him, “I didn’t know what you’d think or if you’d change your mind.”

“Change my mind about what?”

“Wanting too, you know. . .?”

He shakes his head, “I wouldn’t. There’s no reason for me to.”

“I’m a stripper Harry, it gives you full reason to not want to be associated with me.” You lift your hand to wipe your under-eye.

“I’m not judging you, YN, I said I wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t be upset if you did.”

“YN.” His voice is stern, more so than it had been, “I don’t care that you’re a stripper.”

“You don’t.”

“No.” He smiles, “I don’t.”

“Fuck.” You let out a breath of relief, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“I don’t mind.” He shrugs, “If you didn’t want to, you didn’t have to.”

You had never met someone like him, and no matter how many times he surprised you that was just fact. Granted, you hadn’t had time to date anyone with looking after your Grandma but another reason you didn’t was because of what they would think of you.

You knew that not everyone would be was understanding and lovely as Harry had been, and that was just because of the lovely person he was inside and out. That was the reason you didn’t tell him, because even though you had an inclination that he was accepting but you didn’t know whether that was just a façade or he was like that in real life. You loved that he was like that in real life.

“Can I be honest?” You nod, “I enjoyed it.”

You bite your lip to suppress the smile that threatened to cross your lips, “You did?”

He hums, beaming a smile at you.

“If you wouldn’t mind.” The corner of his lips tugs upwards, “I’d still love to get that private dance.”

You roll your eyes and thwack his shoulder playfully, “If you must.”

“I’ll wait for you.” He nods, “Until your shift is over, if you want.”

“Please.”

“I’ll see you then.”

You hadn’t even made it completely into Harry’s house before his lips were on yours. He pushed you up against his front door before he’d even shut it properly, his lips falling upon yours with a hunger you hadn’t felt since you last kissed him.

Maybe it was his hands rested upon the small of your back, your fingers threading through the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Can I offer you a drink?” He smirks against your lips.

“Not the priority.” You reply, not bringing your lips away from his.

“Noted.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Upstairs?”

“Upstairs.”

You follow him up the stairs, your hand rested firmly in his. You’re too distracted by the man in front of you to take any notice of the house or where you were going.

Harry had kept true to his word and waited for you. You secretly wished that you could have recorded the group’s reaction as you walked towards him, a small smile on your face. After bidding them goodbye, the two of you jumped in a taxi that Harry had ordered and made your way to his house, or what you expected to be his house and you weren’t disappointed.

The second you step into the plushly decorated room, you’re kissing again. His hands slide down to rest upon curve of your ass, his ring-clad fingers immediately squeezing the flesh. You groan lightly into his mouth, allowing his tongue to slip through her parted lips. You grip his bicep as he leads your backwards into the room, your calves hitting the bed as he does so.

Your lips part, you fall back onto the bed. You look up at him through your eyelashes, your fingertips reaching to pull the shirt he was wearing over his head. You almost swoon there and then at the sight of the tattoos littering his skin. You lean forward and place a kiss on his lower stomach, just before his happy trail that slips into the band of his trousers.

You bite your lip, grinning up at him.

“What are you planning?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug, “What do you want me to be planning?”

He groans, “Anything at this point.”

You reach forward, taking the button of his trousers in your fingers. You look up, “Is this okay?”

“More than okay, baby.”

You unbutton his trousers, wrapping your finger in the waistband and pulling them down. You can already see the tent in his boxers. You wondered how long he had been like this, you wondered if it had been since your dances.

You blush slightly as you hook your fingers now into the waistband of his boxers, looking up at him. You can’t handle the look on his face, the slight blush but the boyish grin mixed with his curls that had fallen forward upon his forehead. You pull the fabric down, exposing his hard cock. You watch as it hits his stomach briefly, the tip swollen. You lift your hand up, wrapping it around him before giving him a few pumps. His stomach quivers as you do so, a groan escaping him as you wrap your lips around his tip. His eyes flutter closed as you start to bob your head, his fingers reaching forward to grab your hair into a ponytail.

“Fuck baby.” His hips involuntarily buck forward. You sink further down, going as far as you could.

Harry couldn’t believe how good he felt. It had been a while since he had been with someone, and it was worth the wait. You pulled away too soon in his opinion, but the sight of you, all teary eyed and sloppy sent his mind spiralling.

“God.” He bent down and wrapped his arms around your thighs, lifting you up so he could move you further up the bed, “You’re fucking killing me here.”

“Good.” You giggle.

He’s quick to remove your shirt, allowing you to pull your jeans down at the same time. He didn’t expect you to still be in the lingerie from earlier, and if it was physically possible, he swore his cock hardened even more.

“Fuck me.”

He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours again as his fingers fumble with the latch of your bra. You bite your bottom lip as he wraps his around your nipple, flicking it with his tongue. He uses his hand to knead the other one. You can’t help but grind your hips forwards, a feeling bubbling deep in the pit of your stomach that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Harry.” You moan, withering under his touch.

He kisses down from your lips, to your jaw, down your neck until he’s littering them all the way to the band of your underwear.

“Is this okay?”

“More than okay.” You whine as he lets out a breath upon the thin material.

He pulls your underwear down, teasing you by placing kisses across your thighs and pubic bone. He’s so close, yet so far from the place that you need him the most. He licks a stripe across your centre, until he wraps his lips around your clit. You can’t help the moans that escape your parted lips as he nibbles and flicks your sensitive nub, her thighs starting to shake as he coaxes her closer and closer to her orgasm.

“Don’t stop.” You thread your fingers through his hair, “God! Harry.”

He pulls away, and you let out a shaky breath as he does so.

“No fair.” You whine.

“Life isn’t.”

“Just shut up and get a condom.” He does as you request, placing a small peck to your lips as he reached over to grab a condom from the drawer beside the bed.

You watch as he rips the packet open with his teeth, pulling the rubber down his length. He presses another kiss to your lips, catching her eyesight once more.

“Are you sure?”

“More than okay.”

He hovers over you, rubbing his tip up and down your wet folds to coax a moan out of your lips. He groans into your shoulder as he pushes in, biting down briefly to suppress the sound.

“Don’t.” You moan, scratching your nails down his back as he starts to thrust in and out of you, “Let me hear you.”

“Fuck.” You squeeze him slightly, “Do that again.”

He speeds up, catching your lips as your hips meeting quicker, the only sound in the room being your skin slapping each others. You slip one of your hands between the two of you, your nimble fingers rubbing your clit.

“Where have you been all my life?” You can’t help the pleasurable giggle that escapes your lips.

“Feel so good, H.”

After a few more thrusts, a couple more circles of her clit and she’s comes around his cock, squeezing him tightly as she did so.

“Fuck, shit, oh god.”

He continues to thrust in and out of you, coaxing you through your orgasm and towards his. He seems to go deeper and deeper until he’s spilling inside the condom, his moans louder than any you had heard before.

“God.” He collapses on top of you, taking a few seconds to collect himself and let you collect yourself, “Haven’t felt like that in a long time.”

“Glad I could be of some assistance.” You push the hair that had matted to your face off.

“You should keep secrets from me more often.’

“I’m never doing that again.”

“Good.” He pecks your lips.

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