#what does vicariously mean anyway?

[legionofpotatoes]

I played Season over the weekend, which if I had to condense "thematic meandering" into a videogame is probably what I would most closely end up with; but it was still a cozy chill time that targeted my very specific niche of robust cow petting mechanics. Followed by journaling the heck out of them.

I do think cute indies living and dying by their sincere desire to paint the human condition should never ever ever fall into the temptation of obtuse and nebulous worldbuilding that desperately needs to explain itself so it can function as an aesthetic blanket for their vignettes. Just keep it loose and metaphor-heavy, fellas.

Cause if you're not extremely, painfully specific about your intention with a story that centers ignorant tourism and historic preservation, you're gonna beef it, bud

[skitskatdacat63]

The indoctrination was successful guys, I just showed my dad a bunch of Seb clips and he said he's now his favorite

[riality-check]

The eagerly awaited part 2 of the DILF!Steve concert saga is here!! Part 1, in case you missed it.

"You're not going."

"Come on! I haven't thrown up in an hour!"

"The drive to the venue is an hour and a half."

"Steve-"

"And if you throw up in my car-"

"Oh my God-"

"I'll kill you."

Steve doesn't need to see Dustin's eye roll in order to feel the full force of it through the phone.

"I'll just kill you. You'll have a headstone within the week that says Here Lies Dustin Henderson: Rightfully Murdered for Puking in Steve Harrington's Car," he continues as he packs Capri-Suns into the cooler for the car ride.

He doesn't remember ever being that thirsty as a kid, but if Anna wants strawberry kiwi, Anna gets strawberry kiwi. It helps that it's Steve's favorite flavor, too.

"I'd need a big ass headstone to fit all of that," Dustin snaps.

"Your big-ass ego would demand no less, shithead," Steve shoots back.

"Swear jar, Daddy!" Anna calls from her room, across the house because while she doesn't listen to Steve when he's right in front of her, she can hear him break the swear jar rule from halfway across the world.

He zips up the cooler, fishes a quarter out of his pocket, and throws it into the half-full soup can next to the stove.

(A quarter doesn't mean much, but Anna doesn't know that. The day Steve teaches that kid about inflation is the day his pockets become permanently empty.)

"Did she just swear jar you?" Dustin asks from over the phone.

"You baited me into it."

"I did no such thing."

Steve rolls his eyes. "You're not coming, though, are you?"

Dustin sighs, and, for all his teasing, Steve does genuinely feel bad. "I still feel like if I breathe wrong, I'll hurl, so, no. I don't think I'll manage the car ride, nevermind the actual show."

"Sorry dude."

"Don't be. Some dickhead will live stream the whole thing on Instagram, anyway. I'll live vicariously through them."

Steve snorts and picks up the cooler. He got Anna dressed beforehand, so it's just a matter of getting her to stop playing with whatever toy she dug up - Play-Doh has been the fixation of the week - in her room so they can go.

"Besides," Dustin continues, and Steve hates where this is going. "Anna loved the show, and you've got a reason-"

"Nope," Steve says, knocking on Anna's door. "Don't finish that sentence."

"All I'm saying-"

"I know what you're gong to say, which means you know my answer. I don't date."

Anna opens her door. From the little Steve can see inside, there are at least three containers of Play-Doh open and strewn across the floor. He thinks her Barbies are involved in it somehow.

"Time to go," Steve says, and he thinks, Please don't let there be Play-Doh in the Barbie hair.

"Five more minutes," Anna tries.

"Nope. Clean up and roll out."

"Hi, Anna," Dustin says through the phone.

"Uncle Dusty!" Anna shrieks, and she starts jumping up and down. "Are you comin', too?"

Dustin sighs, and Steve can't tell if it's at the nickname or if he's still cursing the universe. "No, but you and your dad have a great time, okay?"

"Can you, can you tell Daddy I should get five more minutes?"

Steve raises his eyebrows at her. Anna, to her credit, ignores him wonderfully.

"If you clean up," Dustin says, because he's actually Steve's favorite person right now, "you get to do more headbanging at the concert."

Anna gasps like Steve didn't already tell her that earlier today, and she gets to work on putting her toys away. Steve helps, of course, and he finds that there is, in fact, Play-Doh in two of her Barbies' hair.

Fun. They're going to turn into Buzzcut Barbies when Anna goes to sleep because he can already tell that they are the furthest thing from salvageable.

But that doesn't matter right now. What matters is getting Anna in the car, deploying the first two of many strawberry kiwi Capri Suns from the cooler, and making the drive to the venue, which Steve does with minimal road rage and accompanied by the Disney radio station.

Success by all metrics, really.

Dinner might as well be now, so Steve shells out a truly disgusting amount of money for overpriced chicken nuggets and fries at the venue. Anna will only eat half her portion but say she's hungry later, but that's what the snacks and water Steve smuggled in via his jacket are for.

They get to their seats, dinner finished up, just as the lights go down for the first opener. Steve looks to his left, half-expecting Eddie and his friends to be there before remembering that they won't be.

He tries not to feel too disappointed. He fails miserably.

The seat next to him, however, isn't empty. There's a note taped to the back of it, one addressed to Steve and Miss Anna, so Steve feels alright taking and opening it.

At the top, there's a messily scrawled phone number. Underneath, it says:

Here's my number. Probably a bad idea to call with all the noise. Texting works, though you should do that after the show. I'll be a little busy until then.

-Eddie

Steve puts the note in his pocket, puts Anna's ear defenders on, puts his own earplugs in, and looks at the stage, where-

Hang on.

He squints at the stage, where four guys have started playing a song that, frankly, sounds too much like literally all the music Steve listened to yesterday for him to care about all that much. The drummer is pretty small, with wild, curly hair. The bassist looks familiar. The lead singer, who is very talented but not to Steve's personal taste, also looks familiar. And the guitarist-

No way. No way in hell.

It's a total coincidence. Lots of guys have long, curly hair and heavy jewelry and big eyes and are wearing formal wear, for some reason, and catch Steve's eye, and-

"Thank you for such a great welcome!" the guitarist says, and his smile totally isn't doing anything to Steve, thanks very much.

Anna stops moving, where she's standing next to Steve, and climbs up into his lap to get a better look at the stage. She looks out, then back at Steve, then out, then back at Steve, making a face as confused as Steve feels.

Some days, he thinks he ended up with a clone, not a kid.

"I'll get off the mic in a second. I only do the talking because Jeff," the guitarist points at the lead singer, who ducks his head, "is really shy."

Jeff. That name is definitely relevant, but Steve is a permanent resident of denial.

"We fought about what song we were going to include next in our set list, so much so that we didn't decide until yesterday and had to consult a tiebreaker."

Okay, maybe Steve is a less permanent resident of denial than he thought.

"So, thank you to Miss Anna, who did great at headbanging for her first time-"

Anna whips around so fast, her forehead nearly collides with Steve's jaw.

"And to Steve, who's a big fan of American Psycho."

At the song name, the crowd loses their minds, and if Anna wasn't sitting right in front of him, Steve would join them.

Because what the fuck is happening right now?

His question isn't answered. In fact, about five more questions pop up in its stead when, during the bridge of the song, Jeff puts on a clear rain jacket and picks up a prop axe.

Please, God, don't let this traumatize my kid, Steve thinks.

Anna, thankfully, doesn't get scared. When Jeff brings the axe down, again and again, Steve's weirdo daughter fucking smiles. And giggles. It's kind of cute, actually.

When the song ends, she turns back to Steve.

"That's Eddie onstage," Steve says, and saying it, somehow, makes it real.

"I thought so!" Anna says, and she turns back to watch the show. Steve puts an arm around her waist so she doesn't fall off his lap when she bangs her head to the music.

The rest of the songs, in Steve's opinion, are better than the opening song. They're more melodic, which Steve can definitely get behind, and each of them has a gimmick onstage, all based off of various horror movies. It's ridiculous, but also really, really cool.

And Eddie, onstage, because it is the same guy who flirted with him and was so sweet to Anna yesterday, is really, really hot.

Steve has never had a thing for guitarists before. He's never had a thing for musicians before. Hell, until a year ago, he didn't realize he had a thing for men.

Eddie is. Uh. Yeah. Really doing it for him.

Steve doesn't know whether it's his enthusiasm, or the way he moves, or seeing his hair tied up, or the fucking dress pants and suspenders, or just his hands, but he does know he has to get himself in check because this is an all ages show and he's here with his daughter.

He already knows he can't add these songs to his grading playlist, not when they're accompanied by visuals of Eddie playing his guitar.

Sweet Jesus.

"Alright, that's our set!" Eddie says. "Thanks, y'all, for sticking around for us, and let's give it up for the next act!"

The crowd, including Anna and Steve, cheer as they exit and the lights go up.

Steve fishes his phone out of his pocket, fully intending to add Eddie's number to his contacts, and is greeted by not one, not two, but sixteen missed calls from Dustin Henderson.

Naturally, Steve calls him back. "Who died?"

"What the fuck?" Dustin yells, and Steve just puts the phone on speaker to save the rest of his hearing. "Did Eddie fucking Munson just personally thank you from the stage?"

"Swear jar, Uncle Dusty!" Anna says.

"Sorry," Dustin says. "But Steve. Answers. Now."

"How do you even-"

"Instagram live. Is Eddie the guy you were telling me about yesterday?"

Steve takes his phone off speaker. Prior experience tells him that this conversation has a less than zero chance of staying PG, nevermind PG-13.

"Yeah," Steve says. "He is."

"The one who flirted with you, and you forgot to ask for his number."

"Well, I have it now."

"What?" Dustin shrieks, and Steve is incredibly thankful that he didn't take his earplugs out.

"He left me his number on the seat."

"Text him."

"I was going to, until I saw that you called me sixteen times."

"Jesus Christ, Eddie Munson was flirting with you."

Steve rolls his eyes and hands a pack of gummy bears to Anna when she taps his arm. "He could have just been nice. I don't even know if he's into guys."

"Have you looked at him?"

"Wow, Dustybuns, I didn't know you were homophobic."

"I think it's the complete opposite of homophobic to try to get you laid."

"Hanging up!" Steve shouts because a part of him will never see Dustin as any older than thirteen, and no thirteen year old should ever say that.

"Text-"

Steve hangs up the call. "Can I have a gummy bear?"

"No," Anna says, mouth full, in her seat, legs swinging.

"I bought them."

She shrugs. "You gave them to me. Mine now."

Steve stares. She stares right back.

He sighs and opens a new pack of gummy bears.

With his mouth full of sweet Haribo corpses, Steve takes out the note and adds Eddie to his contacts. Before he can overthink it, he sends him a message:

I guess I don't have to ask you what you do for a living. Just so we're even on that front, I'm a teacher, and Anna's full time job is preschool.

He tucks his phone back into his pocket and focuses on making this a good experience for Anna, who somehow wormed her way into a conversation with the intimidating-looking couple sitting next to her.

Because it's totally not like a literal rockstar is going to text him back. Right?

Part 3!!

[misc-obeyme]

Wait a minute, Barbatos listens to heavy metal? In which of the games is the sacred chat that included this juicy little fact mentioned? Is it a daily chat or is it obtainable from a card?

Affinity with heavy metal suits him very well, honestly.

I absolutely love when a character's personality is founded on a particular 'theme,' a specific range of generally interconnected interests, as well as a determined set of qualities—only for an unrelated/unexpected trait, quirk, hobby, talent or interest to sneak up and add a quaint pop of entertainment and relatability to their person.

Barbatos adores tea, likes cleaning, and tends to tiny demons, which are all things that give a sort of serene, domestic tinge to his figure. Yet, he indulges in the genre of heavy metal. And I think that that's such a satisfying, realistic shade to his personality palette because the truth is that one individual can hold so many differences within them, and some of those differences may at times be starkly opposing. And that is so intriguing.

Except in this case, I don't think Barbatos's appreciation for heavy metal is 'unrelated' to him per se or even a difference at all; in fact, it's woven with his being and who he is. Because of course, despite the calmness, fondness for tea, and intricate skills in making all sorts of sweet and savoury delicacies—aspects that craft an almost soft, meditative aura around him—he's also a thinker with a sense of wisdom and a badass who displays a multitude of talents while appreciating a musical genre famous for its loud intensity (which at first glance 'opposes' his general calm image and eloquent manner of speech).

So this is where I point out that this very 'difference' is perfect, since it's also a core similarity in and of itself; after all, Barbatos is intense and thoughtful, just like heavy metal itself (even though the genre has this unfair, unfortunate stereotype of being 'aggressive noise only'). What I mean to say is, this preference Barbatos has is merely an extension of his self and a representation of the parts of it that are not immediately apparent. It may seem startling at the beginning, but in my opinion, it makes so much sense that he would appreciate heavy metal.

He has lived for a very, very long time and that existence came with thousands upon thousands of experiences that shaped his mindset, temperament and wisdom, as well as gave him depth. I assume he found that heavy metal resonates with him in some ways. Perhaps it is not only admiration for the deep lyrics or relation to them, but also how the intense volume might help him vicariously express certain emotions.

In all honesty, it would be nice to see what young Barbatos was like. Now it's just rats that make him lose his marbles and go from 0 to 100 in the course of a millisecond. His anger is often pretty much covert otherwise. How interesting it would be to catch a glimpse of his wild days of youth—Barbatos being outwardly wrathful, spitting out what's on his mind without restraint, immediately resorting to violence, and even getting jealous because he's still young and hasn't yet attained the wisdom and maturity all that experience has to offer.

This is way longer than I intended it to be, but the subject piqued my interest, I love rock and admire the depth of thought in it and heavy metal, and overanalysing and overthinking are best friends of mine lol

The chat is from OG and I'm like... 99.999% sure that it's with the group The Fantastic Three. I remember Lucifer apologizing for Asmo who decided to perform some heavy metal at an event or something. And Barbatos was like, actually I like heavy metal. And Lucifer and Diavolo were both like ???

But for the life of me, I cannot find it. I thought it was a daily chat, but I can't find it. Maybe it's from a card? Does anyone know exactly which chat that is??

Anyway, I agree with everything you're saying. I very much headcanon that Barbatos has a lot of depth that we simply don't see. This because he hides it deliberately. I think he does this because he feels he has to have a certain demeanor, not just as Diavolo's butler and as a role model to him, but also because he feels he was too wild in his past. He wants to project that image of perfect calm and competence.

Despite all that, Barbatos is still a being with emotions and I really like the idea that heavy metal in particular speaks to him. Listening to it allows him to sit with some feelings that he normally represses. It helps him work through them instead of letting them fester.

I also think an indication of a well written character is when that character has unexpected traits. It's impossible to make a character as nuanced as a real person, but you can create the illusion of it by giving them depth. Barbatos feels like he has so much happening beneath the surface, so many pieces to him that we haven't discovered yet. It's one of the reasons I love him so much.

Who is he when he lets himself go? I have spent too much time thinking about that.

And how interesting it would be to see how he was when he was younger...

[animentality]

Never assume that female authors can't be misogynistic.

JK Rowling literally wrote the most appallingly embarrassing and vapid female characters known to humankind, and she's a woman and supposed "feminist." Every female character she had fell under 4 categories:

1) Dutiful and devoted mother

2) vapid girly girl who's a bitch because she's girly and she's hot and pretty but empty headed and hates books

4) a fat villain, whose main physical attribute is that she's fat, and also she's evil.

3) cool girl who's not like other girls because she's nerdy and/or a jock.

Then you have Stephanie Meyer. Who has insisted she isn't misogynistic because she would've written Bella as a flat and boring character even if she was male...and then when she wrote a gender bent twilight, she immediately gave male Bella an actual personality.

Like.

It's sad but.

But you know.

Women can be bad writers, lol.

Women can see other women as not people too. Women can be so vicious about other women, in fiction and in real life, maybe even more judgmental and harsh and callous than they'd ever be towards a man.

I kind of laugh at it because think of it like this...

Why did JK Rowling write from the perspective of a boy?

Because she probably grew up with the idea that she wasn't like other girls.

She had a working brain and didn't chase after boys all the time, like those other dumb lipstick wearing ninnies that were popular and cool and made fun of her in school.

So she wrote from the pov of a boy because she secretly thought I'm like the boys!!! I have thoughts!!! I wish to live vicariously through a protagonist who's a boy, and has his opinions and feelings heard.

Which is also hilarious in hindsight, because of how anti trans she now is. Like JK, my girl, my dude, what are you doing? You can't be a boy, silly.

And Stephanie Meyer is a Mormon, but let's say the reason she can't write female characters, or more specifically, a protagonist, is because she also frames the male as being the interesting one.

Neither of those authors could shake off the feeling that all women are bland and vapid and uninteresting, and men are the main focus.

And this was with vaginas, you know?

Shockingly...having a vagina does not immediately guarantee that you'll have any sympathy for other vagina havers.

Anyway.

This wasn't about anything, I was just thinking the other day of how female authors can be so violently misogynistic and it's really sad.

I admit I was also thinking about lizzo.

Being a woman...doesn't mean you support other women.

And when you are a woman, and you don't support other women...you're just awful.

[hplonesomeart]

Hi! I’m so sorry if this is random for me to send here, but I saw your tags on my art post (the SMG4 college AU one) and I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH??? I was scrolling through your tags with the widest smile imaginable, it genuinely means so much that somebody took the time to really notice all the little details I added 😭💖 i seriously appreciate you taking the time to type all of that out. I hope you have a great day!

- @jovialoddity

AAAAA WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!! HELLO FELLOW PUZZLE ARTIST WE MEET YET AGAIN (but this time more officially I guess? No clue how “official” meetings work on Tumblr since everyone kinda drifts around the same community/close proximity and glances at each other from time-to-time but never truly meet? But still sorta know by association? Does that analogy even make sense at all? I don’t know ignore this part jksjsksp)

HIIIII no worries about random timing we live for spontaneity around these parts. No thank YOU for dropping bye and letting me know that my goofy words were received well!! I find it funny whenever people mention the tags because at it’s core it’s just me yapping about my internal dialogue lol. I used to be very selective with how much I engaged with people online/what I said, but nowadays if I see something that’s cool I gotta express it somehow. Thanks for taking the time to read it all and I’m extremely glad it made you smile :))

Also is that Will Wood music I hear faintly in the background of this hypothetical conversation….? Absolute banging music taste you got we respect that fr. My personal favorite (I may be biased as it was my first introduction to his music) is The First Step—I love how crazy & desperate the vocals get near the end, feels like I can release some pent up emotional frustration by listening to it vicariously. Although 2econd 2ight 2eer is also high on the enjoyment list alongside Euthanasia (but that one is so sad narratively…tugs at my heartstrings until they collapse out of my chest). Good stuff

ANYWAYS you’re a rather cool person I’ve been shyly admiring from the sidelines—I’d ought to get around to following you! Thanks for giving us the elderly wrinkled man Puzzles representation we needed to see in this world. Decided to doodle him for the hell of it! (also SMG3 since ya mentioned the AU once more teehee)

Okay I’ll stop making an idiot of myself now hope you have a nice day/night too :3

[badlydrawnbabydirk]

Robro what does the note say please tell us 🙏

[ The paper feels like it’s about to crumble in your hands. Sections of it are smudged and broken from water damage. It’s hard to decipher parts of it, (the beginning is practically all faded out), but you try your best. ]

Dirk,

[_______________________________________________________________________]eparating you guys. [__]se says its for the best though, and i trust her. something about keeping you ‘self sufficient’ whatever that means. but she did at least agree to leavin yall a lil present. hopefully mine can provide for you if [__] not around. which im startin to think is more and more like[__]. R[___]’s got a feelin that its the end of the road for us. shes never been wrong before—

—it was really only a matter of time after the stunt i pulled. [____] was on my ass for days. shit was embarrassing. for her of c[__]rse. striders dont break a sweat. anyways, i should probably start preparing for the batterwitch. with your apartment finished and all the [____] thing left to do is wait. pretty grim but i think its what ive been doin all my life. just sucks that i wont get to see fruit of it all. you.

thats what [__] present is for though. maybe my ghost can live vicariously through metal me. who is hopefully reading this letter to you right now. dont even know why i left this considering itll be years before you can understand it. i don’t even know if youll care about this note. me. whatever. but if theres one thing you get out of this yap sesh, let it be that whatever comes, whatever hap[___]s to me, will be worth it if it means youre safe. all of this was for you. remember that.

— D[___] Strider

[nyc-pizza-rat]

ik s13 (alt universe having an alt heaven and thereby tying the existence of both heaven and hell to that of the earth) & s15 (chuck saying: all the other versions of you did what they were told) refute the possibility of this, but I do like the idea of heaven existing like a gaussian cube around all the earth planes. i also love the idea of heaven/chuck doing soul energy laundering. and their placement being most conducive for that.

anyway. all this to say. i am thinking about a ficlet — set somewhere around s10, but like. de-escalated conflict s10 or dean is going to die and has accepted it s10. idk. thinking about them talking about it, and they're not together yet, but Dean's thinking about it bc he's been thinking about a lot of things lately. and i think maybe he wonders out loud about if there's a world where he's normal. and cas says sure there is. there's infinite earths and there's infinite versions of you. and then dean like has to process that bc everyone thinks about this but having confirmation about it is CRAZY. and then he's like. huh. and then he's like. so there's a world where there's nothing wrong. where monsters, ghouls, demons, it's all not real. and cas is like. well. demons exist in creation but yk. sure. there are worlds where they don't have access. and Dean's like what about the rest of it? and cas is like infinite does mean infinite, dean. and Dean's like. you ever. he gets fidgety and stuff and he does that thing where he drags his palm over his mouth. you know that thing. and then clicks his tongue. goes. heh. he's getting such a good grade at being casual. he says. is there a world where — you ever think — what it would be like if we met like normal? and cas is like. bird tilt. question mark ❓ and dean is like. you know. if you didn't have to drag my ass out of hell. if there was none of this — bullshit. and cas is like. well. there are infinite versions of you because you're a human being. but I'm an angel. I'm an angel in all these worlds. and im always just me. and dean gets real sad i think. i think he goes oh. and then he just gets real real sad about it.

okay okay i do think! i think maybe it's like that thing where you are split across so many worlds and then you are truly conscious in the one that is important you know? like one of those sci-fi things. idk I'm just thinking about it.

idk why Dean's sad but maybe it has sth to do with how he has this complicated relationship with these other versions he's now picturing right. like they are him so he's living vicariously through imagination but also he's sooo jealous he could eat his bed about it.

and cas is like. well. it's not that simple. bc he can tell dean is in his head about this. and Dean's like yeah no sure. and cas is like what are you even asking? and dean goes quiet and he says. i was thinking. and then he has to swallow bc he's NOT going to cry that's SILLY and GAY and SAM-LIKE. he says like. i don't know. i think we'd be real good friends. if you weren't all god's favourite angel. if you were one of us. and cas is like we ARE friends? and Dean's like I mean. not like that. i mean if we grew up together. and cas is like yeah okay. and Dean's like if you were human and if we were normal. and cas is like. chewing. thinking about it. thing about him, he does not understand what this loser goes on about. but he also GETS him like very few people do. so he's kinda circling the point. and he goes fuck it and is earnest about it as per usual. he's like. well. any version of me that exists would be glad to have your attention, would be sad to go through life without your companionship. and Dean's like o_o you said what and cas is like you're my best friend. and dean's like. clears throat. heh. yeah. yeah, i know, cas. and cas is like. and I'd like to think that would be true even if I were born human. and dean's like. yeah okay yeah. right. and then cas up and leaves bc he has things to do (wants to save dean/etc/will go stare at the sea about this/idk) and dean just sits there like fuck. he's the luckiest sob in the world who is also the unluckiest sob in the world. bc you know. no version of him gets to have what he really wants (to have grown up with cas, all normal, fallen in love like people are supposed to, been young and stupid together, etc.,) but this version of him still *gets* to have *a* cas (guy who is so so so good to him so niceys to him who just told him he was his best friend.) and then he stares at his ceiling and cries about it.

anyway. I'm just thinking.

[dxxtruction]

"You think I need to be coddled, hyped up, lied to?"

This could be taken a few ways obviously but one of them is that these are things Louis does for Armand because he needs them. And he probably throws this out because he knows Armand well enough to know he has a habit of assuming others think and want exactly the same things as him. If the interview wasn't a clear example Armand's too insecure - about himself and their relationship - to just sit with the harder truth, or take the truth from others. Vulnerability is very hard for him. Him revealing himself at all at the end of season 1 is based on an assumption of his that Louis is the same way. That Louis needs, or wants, exactly what he needs, or wants. That Daniel should be ashamed of mocking Louis pain, because he wouldn't want that for his own. (And to an extent that's not a terrible assumption, but to override Louis own feelings on it, when he wants to be confronted with the hard truth even if it is in a mocking way, it is kind of ... yeah.)

To explain this? He's adapted so much to what others want and need of him to be, he probably still thinks he's adapting to it, or needs to, so doesn't quite get these aren't his own wants and needs being expressed. He does a lot of projecting, and also, by caring for Louis he almost lives vicariously through him as sort of a measure for his own self worth. (This can be incredibly suffocating.) Armand does a lot of based on assumption thinking, and I want to say this stems from a disorganized attachment. With uncertain caregivers you have to be prepared for everything changing at a moments notice. So, will need to make assumptions and future predictions to protect yourself from that uncertainty.

But anyway like, if he's not coddled in those, seen perhaps more favorably than he deserves, and more over, allowed to think a lie for the both of them, its at which point it's him who acts out given how insecure in himself he is. If torturing Daniel isn't a clear enough example. And I think Louis tries to indulge this because he sort of understands Armand's just very broken and feeding his insecurities unnecessarily isn't going to help much. He knows Armand was always around for him, and stuck by whenever is was him acting out instead (Even if Armand was always at the root of why he ever was acting out). Max level of empathy Louis strikes again. But draw a line where a line needs to be drawn. Louis will just not compromise for Armand on everything, and will not accept a flat out lie being told if he's not also in on it.

They both know this relationship, by all means, was not supposed to ever work. And the fact they tried at all is almost a lie in itself. A tell yourself something till it's true, situation. But in this instance it can't ever become true, because one or both of you can't actually let it or get to that point honestly.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey I have a possibly another, better..? idea👀 it's a Slenderbeing reader! but they like to travel the world, a LOT. and usually in their human form. but they are so in depth with their magic's capabilities it's almost near impossible to detect any magic sauce from them, it's like they are truly a regular human being. until they reveal themselves and give everyone a heart attack😂

The slender reader is also like a runt, they hate the height difference compared to average Slenderbeings, but low-key likes the attention :P

Any characters! Have fun n take your time!! :D

Various characters with a slender-being reader!

Again so so so so sorry for taking so long to get to this :(

I've kinda been mostly checked out mentally this week and the past 4 days spiderverse has taken over my brain and

Sobs

Anyways! Most of these are platonic leaning, but that's mostly because I couldn't think of anything explicitly romantic <\3 these also may be

Short since I'm kinda

Dry brain

No gifs for each character since it lags my phone and I ain't dealing with that rn <\\3

Slenderman:

Head tilt

Of course he knew he and his brothers weren't the only slender-like.. beings in this world

But he didnt expect to see another (that wasnt splendor or trender) enter his woods... that and he also. Never really left his woods save for a few occasions.. never really met another creature like him outside family

Huh

Hes curious, of course! He himself can only talk so much about his day to day life, being more or less binded to his forest.. so hes willing to let you talk his non existent ears off

Likes making crafts for you that remind him of your stories

Doesnt particularly favor one form over the other; though with that said he almost offed you when you first waltzed in, disguised as a human

Makes him realize he... doesn't know how to do that..

Splendorman:

Oooh how cute! You're so tiny!

On the flip side, hes met dozens of slender-beings, due to him bouncing around just about everywhere

Doesnt make fun of your height, bullying isnt cool!!

You both exchange stories about places you've been and things you've done

Sits down and looks at you with so much interest when its your turn to speak

Finds both of your forms adorable

Laughing Jack

"I didn't even know they made them this size!"

Ljs already a little shit, but hes going to be even more of a little shit around you being a runt

He'll try not to take it too far, but hes definitely got a problem with his filter

Due to him being bound to his box and being passed around Lj only has so much experience with different kinds of people

So even though he'll crack jokes and interrupt, he's willing to listen to a story or two

You can still be taller than him and he'll still tease about your runt status <\3

Eyeless Jack

"Oh.. huh.. you're like.. that one guy,"

In my au he lives in the same woods as slenderman but they hardly interact and when they do it's barely civil

Both are very possessive of their areas so... yeah

Asides slender you're the only slender-being hes met; he wont even know you're a runt unless you bring it up

If you do he'll just

Not care, I mean hes short too so??

Has a weird.. vicarious thing going on with your story

Hes condemned himself to being a hermit due to his curse, so he ends up naturally.. doing that with your stories and makes small suggestions on where you should go next

What having your normal life snatched away does to a mf

Masky & Hoodie

"Mini boss?" "Mini boss"/j

Masky is.. well my take on him hes a little.. funky.. bro is likely watching you from a distance and not really.

Interacting

Kinda freaks out when you reveal your true form

Hoodie is a little more tame and open than masky, kinda just

Signs and asks questions but he isnt too social

"Why are you so short??"/j

Honestly I feel like these two would take a long time to warm up; they're already distant enough with slender

Idk, I really dont have any ideas for these two 💔😔☝️

[kmclaude]

writing: like an angel

pretty sure this was a prompt from @idalwaves with the theme of vicarphilia/getting off vicariously. anyway found a half-finished thing so I finished it. Annemarie/Jehan, afterlife AU, Jehan's a little messed up...

---

"You know," Annemarie says idly, chin resting on Jehan's bare shoulder as he leans against her, propped against pillows, "when Em was little, I used to hold him in my lap like this."

"Naked in bed with your hand between his legs?"

"Nah. Well. That came after." She giggles. "So did he."

Jehan groans in response: a roll of his eyes and soft ugh that quickly turns into a gasp as Annemarie presses her nail against his slit.

"Only time he never complained. The holding part. This,"—she pumps Jehan's cock, once, twice—"God he'd bitch. But his little cock would get sooooo fuckin' big an' hard, you know?" She pauses, her hand still jerking him off. "Oh. Right." A sneer. "Of course you'd know."

"Anne—"

"Oh don't you start bitchin' too. I'm right an' you know it: he has a nice cock. God you have no idea how happy I was when puberty really fixed him up—made him tent his drawers at the drop of a hat too. One time I woke up to his cock digging into my back while he was out cold. I ever tell you 'bout that?"

"No..."

"Mm.” She twists her fist ‘round the head of his cock, watching his thighs tense to keep from thrusting back up into her hand. “But suddenly I’m the bitch for fucking him, like he wasn’t just humping my spine. What a lying little brat."

“Anne, I—”

“Any time we fucked though he'd always beg me to let him cum—fucking adorable, really—yeah, yeah, I know you only knew him as a geezer but honey he was so cute...and the little sounds he’d make…fuck…"

"I’d really rather not hear about how cute the man who raped me was when he was little, thanks.” Jehan hopes that his request comes out something approaching authoritative, but considering it was more or less one singular shaky breath, he isn’t entirely shocked to feel Annemarie’s warm breath on his cheek as she laughs.

“Why not?” Her lips graze his ear. “Does it turn you on?”

“No!”

“Your cock twitched.” 

“...that doesn’t mean anything—you’re touching me!

“So? Stop me, then. ” She snakes her free hand around his chest, holding him tight to her as her other hand pumps his cock faster. “Betcha won’t, though. Betcha like me talkin’ ‘bout him and touchin’ you. Betcha you’d’ve loved to fuck him when he was half your age, too, wouldn’t you?” 

The no didn’t quite make it past Jehan’s lips.

“You would. It’s okay. He looked like an angel. All babyfaced and skin’n’bones…hair splayed out like a halo…ready to take anything you give him…”

Jehan groans. It’s a heady thought. Arousal. Revenge. Morbid curiosity even. Disgust somewhere in the back of his mind, sure, but terribly drowned out.

“You wanna give him your cock, baby?”

He can feel the warmth of her cunt against his backside as she strokes him, faster and faster, legs spread around him, and as much as he likes being inside of her…

“Wanna push your big, hard cock inside his tight little hole?”

He does.

“Wanna fuck his brains out?”

He does.

“Wanna fill him up with your cum?”

Oh God, he does.

“Please…”

“Stop?”

“More.”

She nips his ear and strokes him faster, all the while telling him in a soft, low voice how beautiful her brother was, how good her brother was, as she raped him, until finally Jehan comes, spilling all over her hand and his thighs. She laughs and wipes her hand off on his stomach before shoving him out of her lap.

“Pervert.”

[scruffyssketchbook]

RAMBLES OF A VERY TIRED AUTHOR CHAN #I lost track bro

Kind of random post, sorry!!! Might delete later 😋 idk

I originally said here that this wasn’t a vent post but it might be one after all oops. (I’m sorry I’m an over-sharer and this is my ramble blog.)

(Trigger Warning- grooming? Pedo behavior?)

So I think I mentioned this here before (like years before, idk), but there is this guy who has been stalking me for forever now or whatever. Like, he’s basically the reason I don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know on Discord and made it so only friends can message me, cause this man would pretend to be other people to talk to me. Anyways, on one of his MANY alts that he uses to send messages to me, he basically admitted to grooming me in the Pedo way when I was a minor!!! Fun 🥰🥰🥰🥰 (this is sarcasm)

But like, that literally explains SO MUCH OF THE THINGS IN SSEC, LIKE WHAT????

Like obviously I am not going in detail of the things that were in SSEC cause it makes me uncomfortable, but it does explain a lot of it, and seeing how afterwards I proceeded to get groomed by 2 other people back to back to BACK, LIKE. For one thing

I definitely feel like the tonal shift in the series was due to all of these events. Of course, I’m not going to get into every bad thing that happened to me due to being a naive girl making a stupid pokemon webcomic (sadly it’s a lot lol), but like, I didn’t even realize that I was groomed by multiple people until I was in my 20’s. (I mean, I am in my 20’s right now, but you know) and I literally was not aware that stalker man was being a pedo towards me when I was a minor until he admitted to me that he was being one- RECENTLY.

I do feel like how SSEC ultimately turned out was due to all of this. For the longest time, I was just surrounded by a lot of negativity. And, I kind of just kind of have the natural inclination to help people or be kind to people, and that ultimately just caused people to see that and use me over and over and over again, causing both the tonal shift in SSEC as well as me closing myself more and more off to people, which- really sucks honestly. (And only now I realize that that is literally the same thing that happened to Vay, wtf)

Like- I want friends. Nothing Romantic, no strings attached, no weird power dynamics, just PLATONIC friends. But I’m extremely shy and awkward, and ofc, extremely closed off ^^;;; So it’s pretty hard for that to happen, I guess.

But I suppose that is why I like/obsess about Box 31 so much.

Box 31 is basically just wish fulfillment for me.

Because, like. The only thing I’ve ever really wanted, the thing I have been looking for, for years, are friends. And, the whole story of box 31 are outcasts making friends, and supporting each other, and growing together, and that makes me very very happy.

Living vicariously through my characters!!! I want them to be happy, I want them to smile, I want others to smile too!!! I don’t want to keep drawing sad things, yeah I like drama, there will be drama in Box 31, but in ssec it’s just so endless. I always wanted the characters to be happy at the end, but where is that end if there is an endless sea of issues?

Idk. I just remember me being freshly 18, crying on the ground (cringe ik) to my way older roommate that I just wanted friends, and I wonder if things would have been better if someone just took my hand and became the friend I needed at the time instead of me becoming totally isolated and the stalker using that to get closer to me.

Idk 😋 as I said, might delete later 😋 just kinda a bit cringe lmao

I just wanna keep drawing my Stupid Silly Eeveelutions~ la la laa

Oh. Speaking of that actually.

[the-everqueen]

Definitely curious about the genderflip Sandman fic 👀

SAME. as in, this is only a concept on the back burner of my brain because i haven't really worked out a satisfying answer to the central q of the thing which is: what does a gender flip DO to these characters?

because here's the thing. i think 99.9% of the time a genderswap au is unnecessary and boring. (not to mention essentialist as hell.) boys have pussies, girls have dicks, people of all genders are intersex, etc. some of us notgirls and failguys just want to vicariously experience our fave getting his clit sucked or her prostate massaged. i personally hate fics that go "but what if these [cis] dudes were [cis] GIRLS" and then proceed to strip the characters of everything that makes them compelling, that makes THEM, because at that point you might as well just flesh out your OCs and maybe interrogate your internalized misogyny and transphobia while you're at it.

anyways.

in the case of sandman, i am (transparently, obviously) curious about what happens if the Corinthian is not designed to be (read as) a man. in the comix, he very much embodies the fears and risks associated with gayness in the 90s (the AIDS epidemic, the dual violence of the closet and/or being outed, the culture around cruising, intersections of race and class with queerness in U.S. urban areas, etc). in the show that's subtly shifted to be a broader umbrella of queerness as well as a very 21st century anxiety around surveillance/public vs private that also taps into a cultural fascination with serial killers. in both cases, him reading as white, middle-aged U.S. man is a CRUCIAL part of what he signifies. he looks like (and takes advantage of being) someone with a lot of social privilege, across multiple categories. no one is going to question why he's in a fancy hotel, a conference room, a seedy bar, a suburb. OBVIOUSLY that changes if any one of these categories changes. i'm thinking about how and also what that means.

(the dreaming spinoff comix tried to do a Thing with a female Corinthian: while Coco spends a year as a real boy, a trans woman named Echo takes his place in the Dreaming. the spinoff handles Echo...really poorly. [i wrote a whole paragraph here trying to distill her arc but it's tangential to this post so suffice to say: it was Bad.] Echo is posed as this "femme fatale" type because i guess if the Corinthian is a woman, she'd also have to be sexy and alluring to the (heterosexist) male gaze. imho this was a cop-out, but then again...what about that spinoff wasn't.)

on some level i'm not sure the Corinthian could ever be anything besides the Corinthian, if that makes sense. as in, if you change anything about him, maybe then he ceases to be the Corinthian and becomes something else entirely. Dream can take different forms (and Overture has a femme!Dream) because stories can take different forms across cultures and times and species. but the Corinthian is intrinsically tied up in humanity and its biomythic nature. and what we think of as Human, as Sylvia Wynter reminds us, is very much tied up in narratives around identity including race, gender, and class.

at the same time my id absolutely wants a butch lesbian Corinthian who uses he/him pronouns. mostly because lesbian and wlw sex STILL gets dismissed or sanitized or erased or pathologized, even though queer women remain subject to state, police, and domestic violence at higher rates than their straight and/or cis counterparts. (also yes i'm counting my trans hermanas y primas, t*rfs can fuck right off.) but also because i'm a fagdyke with religious trauma who relates very hard to god's failed masterpiece.

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

I have no idea how long this will be I have like infinite thoughts it’s been hours and I keep coming up with more mean girls stuff and now I wanna draw concept art aahhh

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[thetarttfuldickhead]

if the team played monopoly, who would gravitate to which piece?

Let’s assume they’re playing with the latest set of tokens (which I have googled for your edification and mine, gentle nonny), which gives us eight pieces and this highly scientific analysis of our players’ choices:

Colin selects the race car, which elicits (good-natured) boos and questions of his sanity, like fucking really, mate? Colin reasons that this is a car he can’t crash, right, and if he somehow did anyway, it wouldn’t matter ‘cause it’s super tiny! No one can argue with that logic. Live vicariously through mini metal motors, Colin! Safest for all, really.

Isaac gets the top hat, becaue he’s a top dog and also he can rock them costumes, yeah?

Jamie opts for the dog ‘cause he just passionate about dogs. Petting them. Loving them. Rubbing their bellies. (If he can’t choose the dog because Dani already beat him to it, he goes for the rubber ducky, due to its sexual connotations. What are those sexual connotations? I have no idea, but Jamie Tartt will know.)

Dani wouldn’t have minded playing the dog, but will happily settle for the penguin because it is such a happy and majestic animal even though it lives in difficult conditions. (Unless he’s somehow playing for the Mexico in the Monopoly World Championship, which apparently does exist: then he’s selecting the battleship and he’s going to fucking sink you.)

Bumbercatch will not play if he cannot play the thimble, which is one of the original pieces and symbolizes the poor (together with the now retired boot and iron, and in contrast to the top hat, battleship, and canon, which originally symbolized the rich according to the potentially accurate but potentially sketchy online sources I found). He will also never fail to explain the true meaning of Monopoly and its inherent criticism of capitalism.

Sam is inclined towards the cat because he admires the creature’s independent nature and insistence on going its own way, as well as its grace and ability to always find a sunny spot to rest in.

Coach Beard (who might not hang out with the team a lot in general but who will always show up for team board game night) is a rubber duck man, for self-evident yet mysterious reasons. Some things we are not meant to understand, merely to accept.

Jan Maas plays the battleship because it’s the piece left unclaimed after everyone else have chosen theirs. Jan Maas doesn’t care which token he gets, because the token doesn’t actually affect the outcome of the game, so it really doesn’t matter which one you play with. No one else accepts this perfectly correct but also horribly incorrect statement.

[mandy4ever69420]

elaborate on your last post?

i've actually been marinating on this more or less nonstop! like how to phrase it and stuff. i have, like, notes.

& part of this is i had some spoilers as to who mickey WAS before i watched the show because he was what was dangled in front of my face like a pie in a window to get me to watch shameless. but the thing about mickey is like every thing you learn about him CAN absolutely be traced to his behavior in s1. mickey's one of the most consistently and unrelentingly himself characters in the show (the other is debbie). everyone else has like personality crises.

you can fit a shitload of development into someone like mickey being aggressively himself the whole time because he has every reason to be afraid of the consequences of his personality w/out actually being insecure or not knowing himself. so we as the viewer get to know him w/out any of the information being startling in any way from the jumpoff of s1. it's insane that i'm pretty sure he was meant to only exist in season one i just know he'd be haunting some psyches.

he like never apologizes for his personality. which is i think easy to attribute to "confidence" as a sort of nebulous concept but i think he's just kind of a realist. everything he hides has a very straightforward reason behind it and when the reason disappears so does his hesitance to just be that. & i think a lot of what reads as confidence comes from disinterest in other people's opinions & a pretty intense pragmatism and get-shit-done-ism. mickey kind of sorts people into "who gives a fuck" or "useful" & eventually he expands his "people who matter" category enough that even people he doesnt gaf about in the main cast he at least doesn't want to piss them off.

another thing about this is i've seen sometimes people who over-relate (very understandably) to mickey sort of take very seriously how much he must've been hurt in end of s5, end of s7. which is. i mean i will be honest i KNEW it was coming and watching love songs in the key of gallagher RUINED MY WEEK. which is a good thing. because i am out of my mind. but i think sticking on "well, ian should've been more sorry, or said something nicer later" out of feeling bad for mickey misses a little the point where what i really see in mickey is a "it hurt. obviously. extremely badly. fucking anyway" sort of angle.

this ^ isn't something i know how to explain very well. there's kind of a difference between going "well that was horrifying and i need to throw the fuck up" and moving on, and the sort of therapy-speak adjacent urge to linger over how everyone should be looking at their feelings about it. not mickey's language IMO. so mickey's pretty in tune with what's going on in ian's head so when ian hurts his feelings on purpose he's like mad that it worked, you stupid jackass. and then ian's guilt is sitting right there and he's like well you were so mean but it's more important to me that i can be around you than that my feewings are made much of. mickey's pretty steadily uncomfortable with touchy-feely validation or anything. this interpretation is also a me thing. obviously everyone's reads are going to be informed by their life experience but this is what makes sense to me.

1 of the biggest things i've noticed rewatching is how FAST plotlines start moving when mickey decides he's getting something done. which is interesting because he's also one of the least ambitious characters in the show.

mandy and ian both really believe they can get something nicer and safer and better (&fancier) out of life. mandy has the strongest drive out of them to grab something nice for herself (like.. even vicariously through lip, she's always trying) mickey is kind of right that it's not realistic for everyone to get something better than where they grew up. it's depressing as fuck to be resigned to but especially with a criminal record it's pretty predictable under capitalism that you would just get stuck. these things happen to people

it's very sweet to me that ian keeps dragging mickey along to like nice places and optimism while mickey is like be so for fucking real. weird enough this is the most mickey has in common with lip - the "steal it or scam it" observation that lip makes, but mickey is chill with breaking more serious laws and being arrested for it. & lip also doesn't go for ambition the same way other people in the show do because he has noticed these patterns. he aims for a nebulous "more" jump up in the class system ONCE specifically because of mandy.

fiona is the opposite to all this ^ naturally. in the way that her ambition keeps coming back to bite her way harder than anyone else, because she gets caught up in her ideas of how to expand and do better and bigger really fast. funny enough both lip's "well it has to be a scam and you can't ever actually get anywhere" and fiona's "i bet if i just played my cards right i could make a million bucks rn" philosophies are frank traits.

BUT ANYWAY i also really like how mickey's pragmatism sort of lands him to being a very romantic person. because once he has reason to care more about someone else he decides to put all his eggs in that fucking basket. contrast -> ian is A Romantic. he wants to believe in like a soulmate and he pretty obsessively pursues validation through means of romance. m/while mickey never plans to be in a relationship and commits really hard when he decides that that's where he's going.

which comes to mickey's impressive skills at reading people. when he's not just completely disinterested, he can predict people really well. which is obviously like a survival technique but is also the only explanation of why he'd come back twice after getting written out. maybe it wasn't supposed to be the way his character played out but it can be traced back to s1 with the information we have and is the only way that his actions make sense.

& in like. the completely fucking insane way that mickey is as gentle as he is. you even see the intent here in his introduction. sure, he's showing up in a violent way to enact revenge. which being into prison abolition i don't necessarily agree with. but it's sweet! like, i know the revenge mob is kind of a THING but with everything that he does following it also seems very personal. so he shows up and the first thing he really wants is someone to look after. ian gallagher you may not believe you need a fucking caretaker but you literally snatched up the single person most desperate for someone to take care of

-> wrt gentleness also: i cant get over how fucking bonkers it is to be a violent teenager having a Massive mental breakdown and that mickey refuses to start the physical side of the "you love me and you're gay" confrontation. not a hand until ian shoves him multiple times. even though ian showed up explicitly as an attempt at using mickey to punish himself for something he really thought was his fault! what the fuck!!

um but anyway with mickey's fucking anger going on also i was personally very touched by him as a fantastic way to represent irritability and anger as an anxiety response. because anger is really fucking like that. again, visible from his intro to the end. ya habibi...