#what do you do? who do you become? what choices do you make?

[quarterlifekitty]

Gaz who frequents your flower shop

I think he’s a big believer in getting ephemeral gifts. Things that are so so good that have a short window of time to enjoy. Fresh fruit, freshly baked breads, flower bouquets.

So he’s at your place for almost every occasion. Promotions at work, birthdays, holidays— even if it’s just a single rose, fresh flowers always brighten things up, don’t they? He thinks it’s a tradition that needs to make more of a comeback.

Anyways, one Valentine’s Day, one of your busiest days (full of rush orders from rude people whose romantic relationships apparently hang in the balance, and probably for good reason), you see Kyle coming in around closing. For anyone else, you’d say you’re afraid you’re closing up for the day, but for him? You can stay open a little while longer and do a quick arrangement.

Only he’s already got flowers in his hands. Beautiful ones. You recognize the work and the signature filler— it’s from an extremely nice shop. Not a competitor— because it must be at least a 3 hour drive from yours.

The bouquet is dwarfing the little teddy bear that’s got its arms wrapped around it, backdropped by the satin ribbon on what looks like a beautiful chocolate assortment. You smile, a little puzzled.

“I’d ask for your order, but it looks like you’re already kitted out for the holiday, hm?”

He almost looks a little nervous.

“Well, I— these are for you, love. I figure you spend the whole year making romance come alive for everyone else, I wondered if someone thought to get you a little something…. Then again, maybe you have a boyfriend and I look like a right prick right now,” he says with a little smirk, realizing he kind of just assumed you’d like the gesture. “Or maybe you’re a bit tired of flowers, hm?”

You take them gratefully from his arms into yours, the sound of the cellophane and tissue gently crinkling. “I… I don’t remember the last time someone got me flowers.” You look closer at the arrangement. Smell them. Bleeding hearts— an appropriate choice, but not very popular in the arrangement world. “Would you… would you want to come back to mine? Help me pick a vase to put these in. In my line of work, you tend to accumulate them, and it becomes so hard to choose. I can make coffee,” you offer hopefully. He sighs in what can only be described as elation and relief.

“I was hoping you’d say something like that.”

[robertsfloyd]

his girl

an alpha that hadn't yet claimed you. your first time in the hard deck. his flirty superior. what could go wrong?

technically a part two to military issued, but it can be read as a standalone

Bradley Bradshaw was in love.

he held you close, nuzzled against your neck as you sat in his home. your home now, too, you supposed.

you didn't have a choice in the matter. when your first met, you were adamant you'd made the wrong choice in becoming a military omega. but Bradley's alpha scent was in your nose. his big, strong hands were on you, your brain melted.

you couldn't help it. your omega brain switched on, and you nuzzled against him, trying to get as much of his scent on you.

you wanted to drown in it, get drunk off of it. your alpha. your big, strong Alpha that you couldn't get enough of.

his lips nipped at your neck and you released a giggle. he hadn’t claimed you, yet, waiting for your heat. that was the proper way to do it, how the military wanted it done.

he now had a reason to come home.

***

it was weird, walking around with an Alpha that hadn't claimed you. you held his hand as he led you from the Bronco and into the bar.

the hard deck. a cute name, considering the little bit Bradley had told you about naval aviation. "ready?" he asked you, lifting your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it.

you swallowed the lump in your throat, but the way your moustache tickled your skin had you giggling. "ready," you answered.

meeting your alpha's friends was a big deal. even when you tried to pretend it wasn't, it was a big deal. his friends. the people he worked with. the people that would make sure he came back to you. his squad were important to him.

they were important to you, too, now.

this was something this should have waited until you were mated, until you had his claim on your neck and yours on his. but you were completely covered in his scent, and that was the next best thing.

the hard deck was a cacophony of shouts and jeers and music from the juke box. shouts of those trying to be louder than the jeers, jeers from the group playing darts. noises from the pool table too, cues hitting balls and balls hitting each other.

he led you through the hard deck, past the bar and over to a group of people in khakis. "hey, rooster!" one of them called as the two of you approached.

mostly alphas, you noted as you looked at them. two betas, no other mares in sight.

"guys, there's someone I want you to meet."

Bradley pulled you in front of him. his hands rested on your shoulders as he introduced you, gave his friends your name.

"hi," you said abd swallowed the uncomfortable feeling in your throat. too tight, lump in your throat too big.

shoving the pool cue into the hands of the spectacled man, the broad, brown haired an strode over. he looked tall, until he got close to Bradley.

beta, you realised once you breathed in.

"hangman," bradley mumbled, his moustache twitching as he pulled you closer. like he had anything to be worried about. you were well and truly his.

"who's this pretty little thing?" he asked, looking you up and down. a beta raised by alphas, you decided.

you patted your alphas chest. "this is Bradley," you said and smiled up at him. "he really is a pretty little thing, isn't he?"

red cheeked, hangman laughed at you. no, not at you. with you. "I'm jake," he said and held his hand out to you.

"nice to meet you, jake."

one by one, you met all of Bradley's friends. they were all lovely, but your favourite was natasha. she was maybe the second sexiest Alpha you had ever seen (behind Bradley, of course). not only that, but she was lovely. friendly, but she could easily hold her own. if they were a Pack, more than friends, she would have been their leader.

sat in Bradley’s lap, you listened as his friends told you stories. what they could of their time in the Navy. none of the horrible stuff, none of the traumatic things they had been through. instead, the moments they found themselves... enjoying.

no, enjoying wasn't the right word. but it allowed them to feel like they belonged.

as you listened, your glass became empty. you shook it, the ice cubes clinking together, before you drank them, too.

"I'm gonna get another," you said to Bradley and kissed his cheek.

he tightened his grip on you, not letting you off of his lap. "hey," he said quickly, his eyebrows raising.

rolling your eyes, you pressed a kiss to his lips. you pulled away, giggling as you made your way to the bar.

"same again?" the woman behind the bar asked.

"please," you said and she began making it for you.

you pulled your card from your purse, but someone placed their hand on top of yours, stopping you.

not Bradley, you would have recognised his scent immediately.

you looked up at the man, also in khakis. his dark hair was greying at the sides and there was something about his smile that put you off, like he wasn't used to the action. "I got it, darlin'," he said and opened his wallet.

you shook your head. "I'm good," you said and grabbed your card again. "thank you, though."

"c'mon, put it away," he said, trying to sound light. "a pretty 'mega like you shouldn't have to pay for your drinks."

a smile split across your face. "you're right," you said and tucked your card back into your purse. "lemme go and get my Alpha real quick."

you made your way back over to Bradley, grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "what're you doing, angel?" he asked, hands on your waist, pulling you into him.

he looked at the man beside you. "cyclone."

he fucking knew him!

oh, this was too good.

cyclone cleared his throat. "Rooster," he said as Bradley pulled out his wallet.

"have you met my Omega yet?" he asked, paying for your drink. you sipped it, practically glowing as your alpha protectively stood up for you.

he leaned down and kissed your exposed shoulder. "go sit down, Angel," he whispered and sent you on your way. you went willingly, sitting beside Nat and watching as Bradley spoke with cyclone.

"I didn't know he knew him," you muttered and sipped some more of your fruity cocktail drink.

natasha released a laugh. "knew him? that's our superior."

your mouth dropped open. your alpha. sticking up for you. in front of his superior.

you were so in love.

I'd loooove some more abo/hybrid!au top gun requests!

[i-am-countess-olivia]

This isn't some novel thought, but for me Fitzier begins in ep2, when Silna's father is brought onto Erebus

(a long-ish, GIF-heavy scene breakdown follows)

I won't cover the violations of Silna's beliefs, feelings and bodily autonomy which happen in these moments - they are of course terrible and very important. Instead, I want to focus on how the scene kicks off a new dynamic between Francis and James, how it lays a foundation for their subsequent closeness and how it changes our view of who James might be as a person.

Let’s begin.

Sir John and James arrive in the sick bay to join Stanley and Goodsir. Stanley says: "nope, not touching this one". Goodsir asks for leave to save the shaman's life. Franklin, already looking deeply disturbed by what's happening, hesitantly agrees.

Francis arrives. The operating table divides him from Franklin, Stanley and James — he is literally not on their side. All three men glare up at him as one: How is this maudlin MF going to make this horrible situation worse for us?

But while the three of them just stand there, Francis puts himself in charge. With a bit of help from McDonald, he takes hold of a distraught Silna and tries to explain what is happening, who they are, that they're not trying to do harm. It is in this moment that James becomes the only one on the opposite side of the table to step forward (to help Francis control the situation or at least to do something). He looks compelled to action but cannot act.

Okay... so here we see that maybe this guy isn't just Franklin's poodle (we saw a bit of that earlier in the episode - more on that later).

Meanwhile Franklin, as soon as Francis takes control, BUGGERS OFF. Of course this can be justified by him already having given his orders and no longer needing to be involved, but we know that a) he sneaks off when the situation is clearly fraught and Francis is clearly better suited to handle it, knowing Inuktitut among other things and b) he actually ends up hiding out in his cabin, freaking out while listening to the howls of the dying man. This is too strange, too awful for him. Not to mention: oh god, I'm stuck in the ice, I've just lost a lieutenant, I keep losing men, what are they going to think of me?

While Sir John is off having a lil meltdown.... James' eyes are firmly on Francis.

We don't even see him acknowledge his captain's departure.

But why is James there? The obvious answer is: to report back to Sir John, to make sure things don't get weird and that Francis doesn't do anything stupid on THEIR ship. After all, let's remember the last scene before this one where James is focused on Francis:

Here he was describing Francis as if he's got him pegged: he's a disappointed man, Sir John, he was no one's first choice etc etc.

I know what he is. Do you now, James?

(interesting framing the above scene, btw - James standing, active, Sir John focused on his creature comfort, the pipe, and questioning himself. James speaking in firm tones to his commander: "I will not allow..." — James is literally being reframed as a leader.)

Anyway, back to where we were.

While Goodsir sets about trying to remove the shot, we get a little glimpse of James: he looks frozen, uneasy, swaying in to stare at the wound (Oh Tobias, the actor that you are). Can we say flashbacks to the Chinese sniper? This must be seriously triggering for him. Something is shifting.

(Another aside: James is standing next to Stanley, the man who dug out the shot when he was hit by the sniper. That same man is now refusing to help. Hm.)

Next, Goodsir says: I can't save this man. Here something important happens: James and Francis share a look.

This is Francis, for the first time, acknowledging not just James still being in the bay at all — but that the two of them are in this moment together! Francis' eyes saying to James: I'm about to tell this woman her father is going to die and James acknowledging in return how awful that is. He presses his mouth, drops his eyes.

The little flash of connection doesn't last. When Silna starts to plead with her dying father, James once again reaches out across the table to Francis: what is she saying? But it's maybe too pushy, too "I need to be told what's going on" so Francis ignores him and it's McDonald who answers.

Next, Silna launches herself at her dying father. Here, once again, James tries to take an active role, to "help" by following Francis' cues on what to do.

James has been watching, learning, asking questions and now looks desperate to be part of the solution to this awful situation: to be in this with Francis. Look how similar their gestures are, how James looks to Francis for direction.

---

STOP - DOOM HAMMER TIME

The VERY first scene in which Francis and James become partners, take action together to keep something from happening, they effectively set in motion one of the biggest causes of their doom: Silna's father doesn't die as he should, Tuunbaq is not bound to anyone. Oh man. That's a whole other essay.

---

(Back to the scene....)

While they're wrestling with Silna, James, clearly emotional and upset by what is taking place, reaches out again, perhaps this time more sincerely: Look at me, Francis, I'm trying to help, at least tell me what's happening? This time Francis acknowledges him — actually SPEAKS to him for the first time.

In response, James looks particularly vulnerable and distraught.

Silna's father dies. We see how different James' reaction is to Francis'. Poor James. Maybe he wants a little bit more from Francis in that moment, one more shared look. Francis doesn't give it to him.

Aaaaaand here we are, it's almost over. Franklin swans in, the really bad, bloody stuff having already been dealt with. He re-asserts his command by giving an order to James to escort Silna off the ship. James… doesn't exactly spring into action. In fact, he doesn't even acknowledge the order verbally, unlike Stanley. What's going on in his head? What does he think about Francis in that moment?

Anyway, let's wrap up.

So much of this scene is about the shift in James’ perception of Francis. He suddenly sees a man who is hands-on, who can take charge, who doesn't walk away from a terrible and unusual situation, even when it's clear there's no good outcome. And of course he knows Sir John skipped off at first opportunity.

Francis, meanwhile, only briefly appears to acknowledge James —but only as far as we can see. Francis of course knows that James was there, that he stayed behind, that he tried to help, that he tried to understand.

This knowledge and this changed dynamic become apparent immediately, in the very next scene.

LOOK HOW THEY ARE FRAMED!!!

Sir John is already receding into the background. James and Francis sit — still opposite sides of a table but in essentially the same pose. They are partners, mirrors, leaning into each other. The few glances here, small as they are, are NOT at Sir John, but between James and Francis.

Anyway, here you go, that's me done. I fucking love this show.

[scentedluminarysoul]

SOMETIMES IT'S ON PURPOSE OKAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED BUT SOMETIMES YOU REPEAT THE SAME WORD OR PHRASE ON PURPOSE IT'S A STYLISTIC CHOICE

Ahem. Also. You don't need to thesaurus every word. It's fine if you call a table a table multiple times

Honestly, writing has become so complicated and everyone's a critic and don't you DARE use the same word twice or start a sentence with "he" twice in a row!

Can we go back to actually caring about SUBSTANCE? About what it's trying to tell you?

I'm currently reading Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" from 1939. It's written so SIMPLY and yet it's so good and just effective in what it does.

Do you know how often it says "(character name) said:" and then just the dialogue? That's the vast majority of how her dialogues work. Simple, easy to understand, no confusion as to who's talking.

It's not fancy, and yet she's one of the best writers to have ever existed

I mean, look at this:

It's just a simple dialogue that keeps going like that.

One of the most repeated writing advices you read is "make your dialogue interesting", like give characters something to in between tags, etc.

But lads—this dialogue is interesting in and of itself. It's intriguing. Why would they also need to juggle chainsaws or low the lawn or whatever?

And the dialogue tag Christie uses most often is "said". Simply "said". Because it doesn't need more.

Here and there are a few hints as to how the characters are feeling ("angrily", "dryly", "after a minute or two"), but it's your job as a reader to UNDERSTAND and INTERPRET them, to THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE READING.

And I think that's the big problem nowadays: people don't want to think about it anymore. TikTok girlies brag about reading 3 books a day, but they don't UNDERSTAND them. That much is clear when you listen to them talk about books

And this is also what people mean that you should read when you want to become a writer. Because you can read all the writing tips ever online, but that will only make you go insane and insecure.

READ and you will see how they're applied. Or not. And even then the book is still good

And no book is perfect or even good from start to finish. There will be dull moments, or misses in even the best books

And you need to see those flaws in order to become a writer

I forgot about that myself.

The key to writing well isn't to use the best and most interesting words perfectly

It's to use the words you have effectively.

Sorry OP, didn't need to rant

But sometimes all these clever "writing tips to become a better writer" are really missing what's truly makes a good writer:

The heart

Of you only count how many times someone used the same word in a paragraph, instead of trying to understand what that paragraph is telling you, you don't care about the art of writing

Actually you CAN use the same word twice in the same paragraph. The same sentence even. If it's funny, if it's for emphasis, if it's harping on a theme, if you're sexy and you do whatever you want forever. Write on

[utilitycaster]

Would you be willing to share more about this campaign playing into the weaknesses of Matt, Marisha, Laura, and Liam. I guess specifically, what are the main weaknesses youre seeing and how do you think the campaign exacerbated them?

If you’ve answered this already sorry!!!

In short:

Matt is extremely good at following his players' instincts and making the world feel like it is continuing to spin even when the characters aren't focusing on it. He is actually pretty bad at guessing what the players will do until quite late in the game (sorry man you should have realized the Augen Trust plot was dead from like, at the latest, episode 12, and it's WILD that you didn't anticipate Keyleth being on speed dial would be like, a factor) and at longform railroading (especially when that requires him to bypass the long digressions a character-focused arc), and he is VERY bad at saying no or bringing down the axe. It's always good to be a kind person, and it's frequently good to be a nice person in real life, but niceness in storytelling sucks ass. So he tried to run a very heavily plotted campaign without putting a heavy enough hand on the scale, failed to handle a very aimless party, and pulled pretty much every single punch.

Marisha tends to have pretty loose character concepts. This isn't bad, but it does mean that they need to be either very driven, or for the narrative to force them to be driven, for them to be interesting. Keyleth has her Aramente and her need to become a leader. Beau's mentorship from Dairon and her close relationships with the rest of the Mighty Nein and her general curiosity led her to get involved with all kinds of messes, even though the actual backstory of her plot was largely handled without her (again, another way to look at this is C1 and C2 played to these people's strengths). But she often has these gaps that feel like she stopped character development midway through. Laudna is obviously the most egregious (the ten years in the desert is honestly hilarious in how bad it is) but think about how Patia was so utterly defined by family position - and did a good job with that! the scene where she addresses her grandfather is a highlight! - but Marisha never once had even the barest outline of her parents designed. Like that's a pretty massive oversight for a character you describe as a Kennedy! Her whole deal is who her family is! And so by making a go with the flow character but also giving that character a horrible traumatic backstory that she was not, ultimately, really over, she made an incoherent mess.

Laura excels with quiet background development and a lot of room to play with character dynamics without necessarily being in the hot seat. She is, by her own admission, afraid of making the wrong decisions in the D&D game. This is not how D&D works. You make choices. If you fail to make choices it will be boring. Vex can choose to join Saundor or not, but neither of these is The Right Choice, it's just a choice you make that has (here is the word that much of the fandom is too stupid to understand) consequences, as all choices do. If she joins with him she gets a boon, but also a drawback. If she doesn't, he attacks her viciously both physically and emotionally. So anyway Imogen was put in a position of having to make a lot of decisions but without a real time pressure either, and Laura's hesitance to do this as a character positioned as The Chosen One meant that the entire story was just a slog of a bunch of idiots with no plan or philosophy other than the basest self-interest. Imogen's introversion and unwillingness to branch out especially early on is also true to the character but really goes against Laura's own strengths with the more outgoing and gregarious Vex and Jester (or even characters willing to say weird or mean shit like Arlo, the Matron, Sweetpea. and Bethany).

Liam is also at times too nice for his own good and won't go against his friends (Caleb in particular was a great example of the character concept canceling out Liam's weakest tendencies; just as Bells Hells in many case played to people's greatest weakness, though in Laura's case it was not her fault, the Nein played to many of their greatest strengths). To be clear: being a hostile asshole at the table is bad, but if you have clearly said for a hundred odd episodes that you won't let people go forward with this plan, then when they go forward with this plan, stand up and fight. If you have said that service to the Raven Queen and an acceptance of death is important, then frankly, your friend wishing their character had a happier ending is a valid thing to feel but you are not obligated to sacrifice your own meaningful ending to give them theirs. I don't know what happened behind the scenes there, but it certainly doesn't inspire faith.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Okay you know what, the more I think about it I think a role reversal au of canon-era OFMD might go really, really hard.

What would've happened if Ed hadn't killed his dad, maybe if things had just gone a little sideways and his dad had died by complete accident first? Ed's fully planning on doing it and watches his drunk dad just slip right into the stormy waters at the pier? He'd still feel guilty, he'd still worry he was a monster for thinking it, but suddenly there's a degree of separation between him and the death. Suddenly it doesn't define him. Suddenly little Ed Teach ends that night by going back home instead of sneaking onto some dingy pirate ship.

And Stede...Stede has such a simmering undercurrent of anger and resentment in him towards the people who have hurt him and made him feel lesser his whole life. I could absolutely see a childhood bullying situation going too far, or his father threatening him with the miserable future canon Stede has ahead, and little Stede not setting out to kill anyone but acting the same way adult Stede did in the pilot, with "pathetic" playing over and over in his head as he finally makes the choice to fight back.

So Stede runs away from home, of course, and becomes a pirate at the same age canon Ed did. And he's good at it in the same way canon Stede is, once he finds his footing, because he's clever and quick-thinking and full of fake-it-till-you-make-it confidence. Meanwhile, Ed is so fucking smart and brilliant, he'd have made it eventually. I have no doubt about that. I can just so see him as this brilliant young professor, tutor to all the rich kids in town, rolling his eyes at all the people who still look down on him for being a poor little brown boy but knowing that he's clawed his way into a better life.

And it's different but they're still not happy by the time they hit their canon ages. Stede's traded the stifling aristocracy for piracy, and he quickly builds up this reputation as this brilliant madman, able to take down rival pirate captains armed only with his brain and the power of just being really emotionally intelligent, and he feels important and respected but he's bored. Everyone sees him and expects the genius madman, and he's trying to build community around him but he worries he's set apart, because there's still this voice in his head telling him he's a soft-handed lily-livered rich boy and he's never been able to shout it down. And Ed's feeling stifled too, because he's successful but he's made a lifetime out of biting his tongue and making himself so small in order to get ahead in this life. He barely knows who he is anymore because he's sanded down all the parts of himself that are playful and enthusiastic and too brown and too earnest so he can be palatable to the rich white circles he's in. He can't be too loud or he's violent and aggressive, he can't make a joke or he's only a joke, and he's made himself dull, he thinks.

Just so fun to think about what they could've looked like in a universe just a bit to the left. And when Ed accepts a research position on a ship traveling across the Caribbean and he's quite sure that's a pirate's flag on that ship in the distance...

[baphometsss]

I'm also going kind of insane over the romance description for Solas in the customise Inquisitor section of the CC. Like what do you mean 'even the Dread Wolf did not know what it would mean to fall in love'?? I'm frothing at the mouth!!!!

I mean, now it's had a few months to stew, it actually makes perfect sense. Solas doesn't seem to forge relationships in the same way as an elf as he did as a spirit. We know he loved Mythal and Felassan, but his relationships with both had rather different dynamics. Mythal had known him for the longest, and understood his spirit nature better than anyone. They spent a long time reflecting each others' spirits back and forth. Felassan we can assume was another Wisdom spirit (going by his eye colour), which once again tracks because Solas seems to connect with other Wisdom spirits very intensely. Nonetheless, there's a distance between them; they need each other and they share a common cause, and although Solas loved Felassan dearly, he was still able to kill him in The Masked Empire.

However, the thing that these two relationships have in common is that they both relate to Solas's spirit-self. All the dynamics are some kind of echo of how he behaved and related as a spirit. The person he is at the beginning of DAI is who he has been for a very long time. He is, despite everything, a little stagnant.

With the Inquisitor, he literally doesn't have a choice but to change, to connect not just as a spirit but as a man. Prior to that though... remember how spirits are asexual, like Cole is if you don't make him more human? Yeah. I don't doubt that Solas had physical relations with others after manifesting, but I think the feelings would've been absent as he doesn't connect romantically with them; a legacy from his spirit self, which he clings to dearly.

Weirdly enough, I think that this lack of romantic or relationship experience is what the romance in Inquisition actually hinges on. He's only able to take that chance specifically because he doesn't know what romantic love feels like. He may be a manifested Wisdom spirit, but this is something that must be experienced to be understood. He takes the chance in the end because he doesn't know how deeply it will affect him. Also as Wisdom, he can't help but be curious anyway. Clearly he underestimated how much of an impact it would have on him. He didn't expect to be known and loved so fully for who he was, after a life of being forced away from his purpose, who he truly wanted to be. To be given the space to exist as Wisdom is one thing, and certainly it would've been enough for him to maintain his love for his friends in the Inquisition alone, but to be loved for it? To be able to express these new, very earthly and yet somehow still spiritual feelings of love? Everything lining up, singing the same? Things he could never have experienced as a spirit? It's a union of the spirit and body that he likely never felt before. That has to have been overwhelming, a beautiful gift he never expected to receive. 'In all Thedas I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the Fade'--quite literally, 'I never thought I would want such an earthly thing'. I'm not surprised he almost threw away his plans for it. It's like a whole new world opening up.

It also makes his 'I would not have you see what I become' line more poignant. He doesn't want this beautiful, unique thing he's found to be marred by the actions he will take. He doesn't want his heart to see the wounds in his soul. So when the Inquisitor says they want to join him, it literally stuns him. When he warns them that he's got a lot of terrible things waiting for him in the Fade, it's his last, weak attempt to make them reconsider before they see the wounds on his soul laid bare. By responding that it won't be so bad if they're with him, the Inquisitor is also saying that being together will heal him, that those wounds will not be so terrible when shared.

That line from the elven poem Trick wrote from Solas to Lavellan: 'do not be sad, my heart, our love's endurance is a blessing, our love will be our joy' everything is so new to him brb crying :'<

[andromeda-collective]

i have multiple and im going to mention all of them but im starting with THIS FUCKER HERE (blade from honkai star rail) AND I HAVE A VERY STUPID REASON FOR IT

there was an minigame thing with a character named march 7th (dont ask) and there were little events you could encounter throughout it and one of them was that you had to choose between a red and blue pill (or the third option of giving a nonanswer) and since my choice didnt matter at all i went with the red pill because i know that the matrix is a transfem allegory and i also hc march as transfem but then another character made a little comment that blade would ALSO pick the red pill which completely makes sense for his character but since i was still on the transfem allegory mindset i had the thought of "wait does this make blade transfem??" so shes transfem to me now 👍

estrogen would NOT save her. not even REMOTELY. he's a suicidal immortal who physically cannot die because of a ritual his old friend-with-romantic-implications tried who he now wants dead more than anything else. hes basically possessed by evil plants that revive him every time he dies and he goes fucking feral. hes a mass murderer with a bounty of over 8 billion. nothing can save him. but transitioning might make her miserable life slightly more manageable? plus i mean.. throwing your old name away and being a new person? obviously a metaphor for being trans /j

boothill! this is slightly for shipping reasons (turning a het ship wlw for funzies) but mostly projecting my gender-nonconforming transness onto the only southern disabled character i know of. are we different kinds of southern? yes. are we different kinds of disabled? also yes. do i care? absolutely not. (also because butch southern women make the world go round)

also sampo because the idea that this fuck is a cisgender ANYTHING is laughable. this is a nonbinary transfem boymoding for shits and giggles who randomly switches to the girl voice when talking to someone JUST to fuck with them because nobody else would believe them and the person would think theyre losing it. typical masked fool stuff. gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

and then from genshin impact: zhongli. who has CANONICALLY used shapeshifting to become a woman. and has likely done so on more than one occasion. this guy is CANONICALLY GENDERFLUID WHETHER PEOPLE LIKE IT OR NOT. and you can obviously be genderfluid and transfem at the same time so why the hell not :D

most other characters i hc as transfem i dont have much of a reason for, but im gonna list them anyways cause hell yeah

argenti (hsr) - she can have a little estrogen as a treat

dr. ratio (hsr) - no reason i just think it could work

sunday (hsr) - something something religious-trauma-and-giving-into-what-you-once-believed-to-be-sinful

diluc (genshin) - fanfiction on ao3 changed my brain chemistry

kazuha (genshin) - also no reason i just think it fits

sebastian solace (a game on roblox called pressure) - im gonna be honest with you op, i just like putting this fucker in situations. and i would love to see the struggle of medically transitioning when you've been forcibly had your body and dna altered to the point of no longer being human. even ignoring for a few seconds the thought that maybe hrt wouldnt have the same effect (or any effect at all) due to the experiments, how could you will yourself to alter yourself medically in any way after the horrific trauma you've experienced? its between fucking with your already fucked up body or having the dysphoria kill you from the inside out. i am rotating her in my mind even harder now.

p.ai.nter (from same game) on the other hand? a lot simpler. make the ai with guns a girl. also just a funny idea: you know that "put eyelashes on it to make it obvious that its a girl" thing? yeah. painter doing that.

^ TELL ME SHE WOULDNT.

i would apologize for the essay but you did say i was legally required to share so this is your fault /lh

anyways i hope you enjoyed the women

If you see this post you’re legally required to tell me at least one trans woman headcanons you have for a canonically male character, I never get to see transfem headcanons like that, give me them, and for equality of my own please know estrogen could have saved Insector Haga and Dinosaur Ryuzaki I will not elaborate, also Yuya.

[zwombiekochan341]

♡ SUGURU GETO & SATORU GOJO AS YANDERES ♡

Suguru Geto as a Yandere

- Obssesion & Love -

Geto isn’t the type to fall in love instantly. His obsession develops gradually, rooted in admiration and a sense of possession rather than infatuation.

At first, he sees you as an exception—unlike the “monkeys” he despises, you’re different, special, worthy of his attention.

His love is deep and unwavering, but it comes with an almost god-like superiority. He genuinely believes he knows what’s best for you.

Over time, this love twists into obsession, but Geto doesn’t see it that way. To him, it’s just natural—why wouldn’t he protect and claim the only person who truly matters?

- Possessiveness & Control -

Geto is extremely possessive but hides it well. He doesn’t lash out immediately—he manipulates situations so that you become dependent on him.

If someone gets too close, he doesn’t waste energy on petty jealousy. Instead, he orchestrates subtle sabotage—ruining friendships, isolating you, and making sure he’s the only person you can truly rely on.

He wants your world to revolve around him, and he does it so gracefully that you don’t even notice until it’s too late.

“You don’t need them. You have me. Isn’t that enough?”

- Manipulation & Mind Games -

Geto is a master manipulator. He doesn’t need brute force to keep you by his side—he uses guilt, logic, and persuasion to make you stay willingly.

He subtly rewrites reality, convincing you that the outside world is cruel and only he can keep you safe.

If you ever try to leave, he doesn’t panic. He simply smiles, speaks calmly, and twists your emotions until you start doubting yourself.

“I’m disappointed. After everything I’ve done for you, you’d really leave me for them?”

If manipulation doesn’t work, he shifts tactics—subtly making you fear the world beyond his grasp. He lets you believe it’s your choice to stay, when in reality, he’s eliminated all your other options.

- Violence & Darker Tendencies -

Unlike a reckless yandere, Geto doesn’t act out of impulse. Every action is calculated. If someone threatens his hold on you, he removes them efficiently and quietly.

He never harms you—physically, at least. But his emotional grip is just as suffocating.

If you truly defy him, he doesn’t lash out. Instead, he makes you regret it—not through pain, but through psychological torment. He isolates you until you crawl back to him on your own.

“You made a mistake. But I’m forgiving. Come back to me, and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

- Devotion & Worship -

Despite his possessiveness, Geto’s love is genuine. He worships you in his own twisted way, seeing you as the only person worthy of standing beside him.

He wants you to believe in his vision, to see the world the way he does, to belong to him in mind and soul.

He expects complete devotion, but in return, he gives you his undivided love and protection.

“You are mine. And I am yours. That’s how it should be, don’t you agree?”

- Kidnapping & Captivity -

If it comes to this, Geto does it with grace and patience. He doesn’t need to chain you up—he simply makes it so that leaving is no longer an option.

He ensures your comfort—your prison is elegant, a place where you have everything you could ever want… except freedom.

He speaks to you with kindness, making it seem like he’s doing this for your own good.

"This isn’t a cage, my love. This is a sanctuary—where the world can’t hurt you. Where you’re safe. With me."

- Endgame: Can You Escape? -

Escaping from Geto isn’t impossible, but it’s nearly so. He’s too smart, too calculated, always ten steps ahead.

Even if you somehow break free, he will find you again. And when he does, he won’t be angry. Just… disappointed.

And that’s the worst part—because he’ll welcome you back like you never left, making you question whether you ever should have.

“You must be tired. Running, struggling. Come home, love. This time, I won’t let you go.”

Satoru Gojo as a Yandere

- Obsession & Love -

Gojo doesn’t fall in love easily—he’s used to people admiring him, fearing him, or wanting something from him.

But when he falls, he falls hard. His obsession with you is intense, all-consuming, and nearly impossible to escape.

Unlike others who might struggle with their feelings, Gojo embraces his obsession. He finds it thrilling, like a new challenge to conquer.

“You? Leaving me? Pfft, that’s adorable. As if I’d ever let that happen.”

- Possessiveness & Control -

Gojo is extremely possessive, but he masks it behind teasing and playfulness. He acts like your overprotective boyfriend, but the reality is much darker.

He loves knowing everything about you—where you go, who you talk to, what you’re thinking. It’s not even difficult for him; his power makes stalking effortless.

He casually interrupts your plans, ensuring you spend more time with him than with anyone else.

“Oh? You were supposed to meet someone? Too bad~ I need you more.”

- Manipulation & Mind Games -

Unlike more brutal yanderes, Gojo doesn’t need force—he plays with your mind and emotions until you’re completely dependent on him.

He gaslights you playfully, making you question reality until you start seeing things his way.

He weaponizes affection, overwhelming you with love one moment, then pulling back just enough to make you crave it.

“C’mon, don’t be mad. You know I only do this because I love you, right?”

- Jealousy & Violence -

Gojo doesn’t get jealous—he gets amused. He doesn’t see anyone as a real threat because, in his mind, who could possibly take you away from him?

But that doesn’t mean he won’t eliminate the competition. If someone gets too close, they simply… disappear.

He never lets you see his darker side, but if you ever found out, he’d just grin and say,

“Oops~ guess I got a little carried away. But hey, now it’s just you and me, forever and ever.”

- Devotion & Worship -

Despite his insanity, Gojo adores you. To him, you’re the only thing that makes his world bearable.

He spoils you rotten, making sure you’re comfortable, happy, and completely reliant on him.

But make no mistake—his love is suffocating. You are his, and nothing will change that.

“You don’t need anyone else. Just me. Always me.”

- Kidnapping & Captivity -

If Gojo ever decides to take you away, it’s game over.

There’s no escape—he’s too powerful, too smart, too in love to ever let you slip through his fingers.

But he makes it fun. He keeps you entertained, showered in affection, acting like nothing is wrong.

“Awww, you look so sad. Don’t worry, you’ll love it here! After all, you’re with me~”

- Endgame: Can You Escape? -

No. You cannot escape Satoru Gojo. Not in any lifetime, not in any universe.

If you try, he finds you. If you resist, he breaks you—gently, of course.

In the end, you always end up in his arms, because there is no world where he lets you go.

“Silly thing. You’re mine. Forever. Accept it.”

Whew… and that’s a wrap! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) This was my first time writing something like this, so I hope it turned out okay~! I had a lot of fun, but I’d love to hear what you think! Did you enjoy it? Was it yandere enough? (¬‿¬)♡

Feel free to leave your thoughts, but please be kind! (⺣◡⺣) And if you liked it, maybe stick around for more? Who knows what other obsessive little tales I’ll come up with next… fufu~ (♡ >ω< ♡)

Thanks for reading, and see you next time~! (✿˶˘ ³˘)♡

[hiiragi7]

Educationism

Here's a word I learned recently that I want to share with tumblr. Educationism is the word for discrimination against less educated and uneducated people as well as the biases that higher educated people have against less educated and uneducated people.

Educationism is something I have experienced for a long time (first as a SPED kid and then as a highschool dropout with no diploma or GED) but never had the words to talk about and that really frustrated me a lot.

Educationism is something I wish more people would talk about. It's something that comes up all the time even in casual conversation, and even moreso in more heavy or discourse-y conversations.

Often I even see people trying to be allies especially to queer or trans or intersex folk and they end up engaging heavily in educationism - which is really draining for me as a queer, trans, intersex person who is not formally educated. (For example - "I bet TERFs didn't even pass highschool biology", a statement which both fails to acknowledge and hold accountable that TERFs make an active choice to be bigoted and frames not passing a class in highschool as the reason why TERFs exist, which gets tiring very fast as someone who very much did not get good grades or pass classes in highschool and yet is very much not a TERF.)

Being less educated or uneducated is constantly used as an insult and education is used as a measure of how much worth a person has and how good of a person they are, I am constantly put down for not being formally educated. Being formally educated, especially on a college level, also provides value to one's words and thoughts - Nobody wants to hear what a highschool dropout has to say, because they assume we simply aren't worth speaking to or hearing out.

When others learn that I am not formally educated, immediately they assume that I am lesser of a person than them, that I am lazy or simply don't try hard enough to become formally educated, that my life does not matter as much or is not as good as theirs, and that I am not to be taken seriously.

Additionally, I don't think higher-educated people really realize how little rights you have when you are not formally educated. It doesn't matter how much I actually know in practice, how much I read and study, how much unpaid labor or volunteer work or community work I perform, because I do not have a highschool diploma or equivalent the amount of things that I am allowed to do is severely limited.

Many areas of life, including large ones like getting a job or going to college, are largely not accessible to me because I do not have a highschool diploma or equivalent.

I also have to deal with quite a massive amount of social stigma and discrimination, and it feels isolating to not see anybody in my communities talk about it, especially in communities which are otherwise very welcoming and accepting and anti- various forms of bigotry.

So, here's me putting myself out there a bit in hopes that educationism as a term might be picked up and passed around more and maybe others might discuss it and learn something about it.

[ambiguouslady42]

Pairing: Latina! Fem Reader x Nanami Kento (they're in their 20's)

WC: 3.3K

CW: Fluff. It's a meet-cute after all.

Summary: You travel to Japan after finishing school. You're homesick and journey to find tacos, as they're your reminder of home. You get lost, and the dashing Nanami Kento is there to help you. Soon, your worlds collide and it becomes a memorable meet-cute.

Note: I made an honest effort with the accents and the Spanish language. If you see an error, no you didn't. <3

Dividers from @/saradika-graphics

You recently graduated from university. From the minute you walked that stage, you wanted to live on your terms; you chose to study the degree of choice, despite the protests from your family. “Que vas hacer con tu vida?” or “Hace lo que te de la gana” were the common phrases you heard within days of having your diploma in hand. It would sting your heart, but at the same time, you’re in your 20’s. The best days of your life are ahead of you.

While you were in school, you took a number of odd jobs to have money for food, coffee, or textbooks. Whatever money you had leftover, you would put it in the “Japan Savings” jar. Unfortunately for you, you took a little longer to finish your degree than most of your peers, but the silver lining is that you had two extra years to save for your trip. Your mom told you that you’re out of your mind when you told her that you’re going to Japan. “Y con permiso de quien?” You gave her a look that you swore screamed “redrum”, but she knew that she couldn’t hold you back from doing what you wanted. “Bueno, ve a ver a tu Naruto o lo que quieras. Yo no te voy a impedir.”

Just like that, you were on a plane to Japan. You couldn’t sleep during the long flight. Your best friend who had gone the year prior told you where to start your trip. They warned you in advance that Tokyo might be overwhelming for your anxious heart, so they told you to land in Tokyo, but make your way towards Osaka or Kyoto. You had no idea what to expect from this trip. There was an excitement for new experiences, an understanding of a different culture outside of yours, and most of all, just have that adventure you worked so hard for. 

You spent time in Osaka for a few days, absorbing the sights like a sponge. You read that Osaka was more down to Earth and it was also known for its food. You tried okonomiyaki and takoyaki at Shinsekei. The sights felt nostalgic to you from reading the history of the place, but above all, you’re pleased with the texture and flavours. You embrace how food connects you to the culture and it made you want to attempt to talk to people. You carried cards in your bag that had phrases that would be helpful like “where is the nearest washroom?”, “which direction towards the train station?”, and “i’m allergic to shellfish.” You spoke to locals with the very little Japanese you knew, but there was still a certain disconnect that you felt. You wonder if what you’re feeling is loneliness, as you have no one to share this adventure with. However, you march on as you still have a whole journey ahead of you. 

After 4 days in Osaka, you move towards Kyoto to visit the temples. You’re not typically a praying person, but you felt it appropriate to pray towards something. There was a calm in the air whenever you took a step. Yet, that lingering emotion you felt in Osaka followed you here. You didn’t know if you should pray to meet someone or really pray to find a job immediately when you get back home. It wouldn’t hurt to meet someone, but at the same time you didn’t travel thousands of miles to find love. You just didn’t anticipate to feel lonely throughout this trip. 

At the rate you progressed, a week had gone by. You ate various noodle dishes, sushi, and the onigiri from the convenience store; you felt homesick. You long to taste something familiar to home, but you have no idea if you’ll find it here. Your travels through two cities felt easy compared to your time in Tokyo. However, the idea that you must have something familiar to home grew like a weed in a garden.  

Using your phone, you made the choice to search for tacos. You felt silly, but you knew this is what would comfort you and make you feel better. Searching and scouring the internet for 2 hours, you decided on place. After resting comfortably in your lodge, you went out that evening looking for home. The only problem, you’re not good with directions sometimes.

You made your way to Shinjuku, but you were walking in circles. What you didn’t notice as you walked around was that you had caught the attention of a blonde. You weren’t aware of him because your stomach grumbled as you kept running in circles to find this location. After maybe the third time walking to the samep place, the blonde couldn’t ignore you any longer. You clumsily bumped into someone as you weren’t looking up. When you felt the thud against your chest, you apologize and bow your head, when you look up. 

He knows right away that you’re a foreigner, so he asks you, “are you alright?” 

“Y..yeah…i’m sorry about that. I should’ve been paying attention.” you shyly say. You start your circular journey again when he interjects, “Do you need help getting somewhere?” 

Your face beams up as you look at him, “Yes, I do! Wait, I apologize for being so excited. You’re just…nevermind! I’m actually looking for…a taco spot.” 

His brows furrow, looking at you as if you’re telling him a lie. “That’s not possible to find that here.” 

You proceed to frown at him and show him your phone. “This is what i’m trying to find. Can you please help me find it, or I’ll be moving on.”

He notices a switch in your temperament and is quick to apologize. “I’m sorry about that, it wasn’t meant to sound accusatory. I just never really had…tacos.” 

“Well, if you help me find the place, it’ll be my treat.” You look at him with earnest eyes. “I’m sorry about my tone, sometimes… I can have a short fuse.” 

There is something refreshing in the way you act. It’s not everyday that he runs into someone who is immediately very bubbly, but also with a temper of a firecracker. There’s a small curve that develops on his lips. You notice it right away. 

“Is…that okay? If not, you can just point me in the right direction and…”

“It’s fine, i’ll just take you there. Besides, I guess I could eat”, he cuts you off.

You giggle and wait for him to assess in which direction you’re going to walk in. He hears you, and it tugs at his heartstrings. “Is she usually this bubby?”, he thought.

He motions to walk in a specific direction, and you follow. You observe that he’s very tall in contrast with your height. You try to keep up with his pace, but you fall behind. “Excuse me, but could you slow down, please?” He quickly notices that you’re trailing behind him. “Oh, my apologies.” 

“I know you’re probably eager to get away from me, but could you at least wait till we get our food?” 

“That’s preposterous. I wouldn’t be walking you to your location if I didn’t want to”, he retorts.

“Oh, sorry”, you suddenly tense up and remain quiet. 

“No, I just felt I had to defend myself…”, he stumbles on his words.

“Could…we start over? We never even introduced ourselves and it’s just two strangers struggling here.” You stop walking and look at him. You tell him your name and extend your hand.

He bows out of politeness and extends his hand to you. “Nanami Kento, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

His handshake is firm and you try to match yours. Due to the lack of human contact on your trip, there is a blush that develops. He is quick to notice it, but tries to not give attention to it to further avoid any mishaps between the two of you. 

“So why do you want eat tacos?” he asks.

“Long, story short, I’m really homesick. I felt if I ate the food i’m familiar with, it would make me feel less of that. I know i’m going home soon…but.” 

“Oh? How long have you been here?”

“Well last week I was in Osaka, then moved towards Kyoto. I’m finishing the trip in Tokyo to make it easier on myself to go home.” 

He takes a moment to process what you just told him. People come and go all the time to Japan, but it’s not often that he gets to interact with a tourist. At this moment, he is enjoying your company. He just had a long day at work. He can tell by the way you open up to him that you’re not afraid to tell him about yourself. He’s hopeful that he can continue to keep talking to you. 

“I see. What do you plan on doing during the last leg of your trip?” he questions.

“Well, I know there’s Tokyo Tower, which reminds me of this anime I grew up watching, and…maybe walk around Shibuya. I didn’t really plan this last part out well, if I’m honest.”

“Oh, which anime?” 

“Promise not to laugh at me?” you ask with a giggle.

He chuckles. “I promise.” 

You mumble, “Sailor Moon.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he asks.

“Sailor Moon. There, I said it.” Your face feels hot suddenly, as he looks at you. You can feel his gaze on you as you try to look away. 

“Ah, I see. I didn’t watch that growing up.” he says flatly.

“It’s not for everyone” you shrug. 

There is a silence that now looms between the two of you. Suddenly, you smell something familiar. You smell grilled meats and onions. There is no doubt in your mind that you’re close. 

“We are close!” you state.

“How could you know?” he asks you.

“I recognize this smell. It reminds me of a place near my block at home. It really does feel like home a little,” you express with joy. You’re smiling now and he can’t really ignore it. He wonders what he could say or ask that will make you smile like that again.

You reach the location. When you enter, your eyes light up. You notice that the menu is in a language that you recognize: Spanish. Interestingly, the menu has it in both Spanish and Japanese. You feel your heart light up as you feel a small pocket of home here in Japan. Nanami does take notice of how your face changed. You quickly go up to the counter and he soon follows.

“You can get whatever you want, like I said, it’s my treat.” You beam up at him.

He just looks at you, unsure of what to get. You boldly take his hand and guide him what to get. Your heart starts to race, but you try remain confident. “Well, you could get the asada, it’s a good safe choice, but suadero is really good! OOH! You could get carnitas.” He sees stars in your eyes, but it doesn’t answer his question on what he should get. You attempt to let go of his hand, but his grip tightens as you attempt to let go.

“Oh…I wasn’t sure you’d like that.” 

“It…doesn’t bother me.” he expresses.

The person at the counter starts to speak in Japanese, assuming that Nanami was going to place the order, but then you interject in Spanish. 

“Buenas noches, podría ordenar…” 

Suddenly, the man at the grill looks over and starts talking “Hablas Español?”

“ !Si! Bueno, no a lo máximo, pero lo que yo pueda!” 

“¿De dónde eres?”

You tell him shortly where you’re from, and he' s all smiles at this point. “¡Qué bueno! ¿Qué te gusta hoy?” 

“Me comería todo aquí. Voy a ordenar cinco tacos. 1 de asada, 1 de suadero, y 3 de carnitas.” You turn around and Nanami just looks lost. He continues to notice how you beam and smile. The man switches to Japanese, and you see a look of relief on Nanami’s face. They seem to be having a conversation, and you have no idea what they’re really saying. The mood changes when Nanami begins to laugh. It’s a deep laugh, and then you notice they’re looking at you. You turn to look at Nanami with a slight frown, and he just smiles at you. “I’m not laughing at you, but we are talking about how I ended up here and met you.” 

“Oh.” There’s that warmth on your face again. It’s kind of difficult to hide now in the well-lit room. Nanami completes his order, and just as you’re taking out your wallet, his arm extends out in front of you.

“Hey! I said I was going to get it!”

“Nonsense, it’s not very polite for a lady to pay.” 

You shrug and start to walk towards the grill. There’s a comfort in watching someone prepare your food, as it’s familiar to something you know. 

“¿Dónde aprendiste a hablar Español?

“En un pueblo en México. De ahí es donde aprendí cómo preparar tacos y decidí abrir mi propia taqueria.” 

“¡Qué bueno! Me da felicidad verte. Nunca creí que iba a encontrar un lugar así.” 

He goes on to explain that there are a lot of tourists that come from various places, but a lot of them have that same sentiment that you do when they want to have something familiar or that reminds them of home. You feel comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. He hands your food over and you start to walk towards a table. Nanami follows after you. You decide to sit outside on a bench. 

At this point, Nanami watches how you prepare your tacos. You like to pinch the lime all over them and proceed to add your salsa generously. 

“You can just sprinkle the lime and then you can just add the salsa to your heart’s content.” 

You take a big bite before you realize that there’s a man sitting in front of you. 

“Oh shit! I mean, crap. Sorry, I didn’t mean to let you see that side of me.” You quickly grab a napkin to wipe your face. 

He chuckles again, “It’s okay, you really must be hungry.” 

“Is it that obvious?”

“Well, yes. It makes sense. Without me, you’d be lost.” 

“Hey! And without me, you wouldn’t have known about this place. Remember, you didn’t even think it could exist.” 

“That 's true.”

You proceed to eat in silence, but this time, you try to be mindful of the fact that you cannot inhale your food. You feel self-conscious that a man is looking at you. Your bites get smaller to show him that you can be a lady. 

He observe a change in your behaviour, so he decides to be bold and eat his taco in one bite. You suddenly start to laugh.

“Why did you do that?” you question him.

“I’ll be honest, I'm just as hungry too. Besides, eating with your hands is never meant to be neat.” He eats another in a single bite.

“I never expected you to be able to eat in one bite.” 

“I just don’t do it often,” he states.

There is an air of silence as you eat. You fret that your night with him is coming to an end. You assume that you’ll likely part ways after your meal. 

“What are you going to do after this?” he asks. 

You look at the time. It’s 9 pm. “I’m not sure, probably head back to the hotel I'm staying at.” 

“If you don’t mind, I'd like to walk you there.” 

He also feels a sense of wanting to keep trying to talk to you. He is often very methodical in what he has to say, but you bring out something in him that makes it difficult to think about everything he has to say.  Although, right now, he is enjoying being playful with you. 

“Do you feel less homesick right now?” he quizzes.

“I do, actually. Although, most importantly, I feel less lonely. This is the most I've spoken to anyone on this trip.”

“Really?” he ponders.

“I could’ve easily called my parents, but my mom can be overbearing, so the most I do is send her a quick message where I’m at, and then she leaves me alone. I’d really rather have the space to think about my next steps.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I just finished school and then I used my earnings to come all the way over here.” 

“Ah, I see. So this is a reward for you?” 

“It is. I felt it was in my best interest now to come explore here, and then when I get back I could focus on finding a job.” 

“Do you know what line of work you want to get into?”

“Not really. I’ve never seen myself as a corporate person, if I had to be honest.” 

There’s a slight change in his expressions. “He’s wearing a suit, so he might be a businessman”, you think to yourself. “I’m sorry, I wasn't trying to insult your profession. I just feel very…lost right now.”

“No, no. I understand. I didn’t have much of a choice in my career track. I just went and studied business and economics, then just got a job at some corporation. To be honest, sometimes it feels grueling.” 

“I’m sorry, that sounds challenging.” You’re sympathetic , but you cannot connect with him further as you feel you’re yet to have a real job like he does.

“This is actually the first time I’m able to talk about it. I was pushed to get on this track to study this degree and get this job. I was told that I'd be happy. Sometimes I feel miserable.” 

“Well, if you could choose to do anything you want, what would it be?”

“If I really had an option, it would be to operate my own bakery.”

“I think that sounds wonderful. I know a thing or two about baking, but I'm not the greatest sometimes.” 

“You bake too?” 

“Yeah, from time to time, when I'm allowed in the kitchen.” 

Your conversation continued to the point when the shop began to close. “We should leave”, you motion towards the street.

You clear the trash and start walking towards the street. “Hey, wait for me.” he scolds you.

He walks alongside you as you stroll back to your hotel. You’re walking slower than usual as you don’t want this night to end. He matches your pace, but he knows that he can change the trajectory of your trip without hesitation.

The sights start to look familiar and you fret about your meeting with this man.

“Well, Nanami, this was really nice. Thank you for dinner earlier.”

“It’s Kento, you can just call me that instead.”

You two look at each other and stare in silence. 

“Well, good-bye then.” you start to walk inside. “Wait, actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you,” he boldly blurts out.

“Yeah?” you stare at him.

“About Tokyo Tower, if you’d like, I could take you and maybe, do a repeat of tonight.” 

He sees stars in your eyes as you smile earth to earth. “I’d love that.” You turn around and walk towards him. You tippy toe yourself to find his cheek, but you stumble, and your lips stumble to find the corner of his lips. You are mortified.

“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t trying to do that, I was actually going for your cheek.” Your face is in pain.

He says nothing and leans down to press the softest kiss on your lips. He often isn’t this bold, but this is something new; he doesn’t know where it will end, but he knows that right now, you do make him feel excited. 

“I’ll meet you here at 6 pm.” he says cooly. “Don’t be late.” 

“I won’t.” 

Suddenly, you don’t want this trip to end.

[leviathan-supersystem]

hey @objectivistnerd , quick question. what are your thoughts on this?

remember "people who didn't vote aren't uncaptured democrats"? remember "earn my vote next time"? what happened to that?

remember "one more reason libertarians generally prefer allying with conservatives"?

remember "democrats are fascists"? because they "make laws about things you can and cannot do"?

one might think committing genocide is more fascist than making a law about "what you can and cannot do" (I believe that applies to all laws) but hey what do I know.

oh this is a fun one:

remember when you used to condemn progressives for claiming to be anti-war, and yet voting for warmongering dems? remember that? interesting how now that progressives actually are taking your advice and ditching the democratic party you're still not happy.

now, of course, all this was a long time ago- but I find it really funny how after having spent so long rejecting both parties yourself, you've turned around and have so much condescending contempt for people who do the same thing now.

if someone had said the argument you used in this thread against you back then, would you have bought it? *should* you have bought it? if it had convinced you to vote, would you have voted for the democrats?

I think if younger You met current You, they'd think current You is a sycophantic lackey for politicians who hate you and only care about preserving their own power. I'll leave open the question of whether younger You would be correct.

I disagree with younger right-libertarian non-voter You on a lot of things, but you were right to say that parties need to earn your vote and that abstaining from voting if both candidates are repugnant to you is a reasonable choice. and you were right to be anti-war- apparently these days though you think we should funnel limitless tax dollars into azov battalion neonazis. if anything, by becoming a democrat you seem to have pivoted rightward, somehow.

I think you need to either be more kind and less shitty to people who can't bring themselves to vote for democrats, or be more humble and apologetic about your own political past. I'd prefer the first one, but it's your call.

I'm sure many people have already shared this here, but I think it's important that people here on Tumblr need to see this.

"I disagree with Kamala's position on the war in Gaza. How can I vote for her?" by US Senator Bernie Sanders

[bwat5-blog]

Saying Goodbye: Arcane's Songs Of Grief

**Spoilers For Arcane**

Working on a Jinx post the other day it occurred to me I'd never really delved too much into the music even though it is SO IMPORTANT to the story. This is less critical analysis and more just something that interested me so if you don't care I don't blame you! But I get something out of it every time I get to spend time thinking on and digging into this show, so maybe you will to. This won't be too long as quite honestly I feel that-

A: These are fairly self-explanatory

B: I don't have the mind for lyric/poetry analysis and never have

1. Vi's world falling apart

Goodbye: song by Arcane, Ramsey, and Riot Games Music Team ‧ 2021

So this is the song that plays at the end of season 1 act 1 when we were all collectively saying something to the tune of "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!?"

It was a beautiful and tragic moment in the show and seriously set the tone for the rest of the story. I see this song as Vi's perspective as her world is completely falling apart around her.

Vander is dead

Mylo & Claggor are dead

Her possible last interaction ever with her little sister was deeply traumatic for the both of them, leaving her with crushing guilt over her loss of control and hurting Powder

She has literally been kidnapped and imprisoned in an adult prison without cause or trial (there is no pit of hell deep enough for you Marcus)

"I can hear the sound of a heartbeat before it goes out Won't ever leave my memory of bloodshed all around, And I can see a tear on my father's face before it falls out" :

Vi is hearing Vander die and telling us she won't ever be able to shake the memory of all this death and pain. And that comes back around unfortunately...

"Oh, my enemy, how could I have ever let you down?

Oh When all these trees saw us grow Cut our teeth and make our bones right here We'd play with shields made of stone Share our dreams and sit our thrones":

I see this as all about Powder/Jinx and Vi's crushing guilt over how they were parted. The trees watching them grow and the place where they played and dreamed of better days clearly being Zaun. But the line that is so indicative of Vi's trauma here is "how could I have ever let you down". As her guilt over how things happened will go to impact the course of her entire life.

"Be still, 'cause I see smoke up ahead and I got steel in my hands We will return like warriors, I swear, that we'll find glory up ahead Tell me

Where is my home? I don't recognize the faces anymore, no Where is my friend? The one I've known since I was only just a kid

I think it's time to say goodbye Goodbye, goodbye Goodbye, goodbye, woah":

This entire last section speaks to Vi's future when she returns to Zaun. Her entire world has changed. Powder has become Jinx. Ekko is a rebel leader and a warrior. The demon (don't yell at me Silco people I'm talking Vi's POV) who took her entire world away from her sits in her father's house. And when Vi returns she returns with fury and steel aiming to reclaim what she lost. Until she has no choice but to admit the world she knew is gone. Which takes us into our next song.

2. Jinx loses everyone

What Could Have Been: Song by Ray Chen and Sting ‧ 2021

I'd call this the song that captured the world's attention from Arcane. I mean having Sting alone was huge but this whole sequence was once again so beautiful and horrifying at the same time. Vi spends the whole show trying to get through to Jinx up until this point and you want to believe she is going to pull it off. Jinx is recognizing what Silco took from them, and the Council is starting the vote for Zaunite independence.

But it all falls apart. Silco is dead, and Jinx feels like Vi cannot love her anymore and feels rejected by her after everything that has happened. And this song begins, taking us into Jinx's POV as she lashes out in this moment of terrible grief and loss and angry. I'm not going to do the lyrics for this one like I did above because they are all pretty clear and direct. As Jinx makes the long walk to her destiny and fires the weapon that will destroy her people's chance at independence, she is telling Vi, Silco and the world how they have wronged her.

But the trick with Jinx is to remember she is an unreliable narrator. So when we are with her in this moment seeing it through her eyes we have to remember we cannot take everything at face value. So even though throughout the show we have seen Vi's guilt over what Jinx has become driving her, and after Silco's death Jinx essentially seems to blame Vi for what follows because she cannot "love her like she used to" because they are different. Where does that missile actually go?

I am the monster you created You ripped out all my parts And worst of all, for me to live, I gotta kill the part of me that saw That I needed you more

I hope you know we had everything And you broke me and left these pieces I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play what could have been Oh, what could have been

Why don't you love who I am? What we could have been

I am your ghost, a fallen angel You ripped out all my parts I couldn't care what invention you made me 'Cause I, I was meant to be yours

I hope you know we had everything And you broke me and left these pieces I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play

I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play What could have been

3. Death touches Caitlyn Kiramman

I Can't Hear It Now: Song by Arcane, Freya Ridings, and League of Legends ‧ 2024

This song takes us into Caitlyn Kiramman's POV as she is plunged into the darkness of her mothers death at the hands of Jinx. Once again visually and musically it is a stunning moment. There is a notable difference to this one compared to the other two that I wanted to mention.

Vi's song-"Be still, cause I see smoke up ahead and I got steel in my hands, We will return like warriors, I swear, that we'll find glory up ahead Tell me"

Even with all of the loss and grief and pain in the rest of the lyrics there is a moment of hope. A promise of justice and righteous return

Jinx's song- "I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play What could have been"

Full of anger and blame and hurt . Nothing positive but A LOT of emotion.

Now let's look at Caitlyn's lyrics:

There is an ocean so dark down below the waves Where you watch while these dreams gently float away And there is a silence so soft it's only memory Like the way your voice always sounds when you sing to me

But I can't hear it now Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning I don't know if I could I watched the door close for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open

I just watched as the door closed for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open

Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning I don't know if I could I watched the door close for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open

Vi and Jinx are full of emotion and pain and loss but they are expressing it, even if it is misguided or negative. Caitlyn is drowning in her grief but trying to force herself to keep going and failing, and blames herself.

"But I can't hear it now ,Just tell me how to keep breathing while pretending I'm not drowning"-

Caitlyn so badly wants to hear her mother's voice again but she cannot. And she is trying to go on, be the new head of her house, testify before the council and everything else while maintaining her composure when inside she is completely and utterly destroyed. I mean for gods sake, revisit the moment she finally is alone with the person she can show vulnerability with:

it's like she barely makes it to Vi before her legs give out...

"I watched the door close for good 'Cause I couldn't keep it open"-

These are the last words of her goodbye to her mother. Not a lament of how the world is changed and she has to say goodbye. Not an angry accusation at those who wronged her. But blaming herself...

Conclusion:

Anyway! I hope you get something out of this. I did by writing it. I love the music of this show, and as a life-long band nerd and music lover seeing a show weave it's music into the storytelling in such an original way was truly special to me. Thank you for reading and take care!

[trulyradicalactivist]

Love Is Never Wrong.

Imagine being told that something as natural as your own heartbeat is wrong. Imagine waking up every morning, knowing that simply feeling love could make you a target for violence and hatred. That it could put your life, your job, your relationships, and your health at risk. For millions of people around the world, maybe even more than that, this is not just a nightmare, it is their reality. It is what they deal with daily. They are hated and punished simply because of who they're attracted to. They are treated as if love were a crime instead of a fundamental part of human existence. But love is not a crime. And no one, absolutely no one, deserves to be hated or persecuted for something as natural as their attraction. This applies not only to those who are gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, or so forth. It also applies to paraphiles. It applies to anyone and everyone with an attraction seen as abnormal by the society we live in. A society that forces normality down our throats and insists that we cannot and will not love who we love.

Love is one of the most powerful and universal human experiences. Not just romantic love or sexual love either. Platonic love, familial love, love between partners, unlabeled love of all kinds. It brings people together, it gives many people a purpose or a reason to continue when that big fight they fight begins to wear down, and fills our hearts with joy and warmth. Love, in all its forms, has been celebrated in poetry, music, and art for centuries because it is one of the most beautiful things about being alive. So why is it that some people are told their love is wrong? Why are some forced to hide, to fear, to suffer simply because their heart leads them in a direction others don’t understand?

Love, whether a choice or something given the day you were born, whether you have very little or so much it spills from your soul, whether it is romantic or it is platonic or anything between, is as natural as the color of your eyes or the sound of your laughter. To hate someone for their attraction is to hate them for something that is simply a part of who they are. How can that ever be justified? How can you justify hatred of that extreme?

The reality of this form of persecution is heartbreaking. Families turn their backs on their own children. Friends become strangers. People are denied opportunities, stripped of their rights, and, in the worst cases, harmed or even killed, just because of who they love.

The emotional toll of this hatred is devastating. Imagine a child growing up with the weight of secrecy crushing them, terrified of being honest about who they are because they fear rejection or violence. Thinking that what they are growing into, queer or para, will make them a monster. Imagine someone longing to hold the hand of the person they love in public, but instead, they lower their eyes and keep their distance, afraid of the stares, the whispers, or worse. Maybe that person is of the same gender or sex as them, maybe that person is of their same blood.

This is not just unfair. It is cruel. It is unjustifiable. It is bigoted.

Hatred, discrimination, and violence leave scars, both visible and invisible. They push people into loneliness, depression, and despair. They rob people of the right to love freely, to be themselves without fear, to speak their truth in a way they feel comfortable and safe doing so. No one deserves to carry that pain simply because of who they are attracted to. The world does not need more hate. It does not need more judgment, more rejection, or more suffering. What the world needs is more love. More compassion. More understanding.

If we want to live in a kinder, more just world, we must reject the idea that anyone’s love is worth less than another’s. We must reject the thought that a love could be taboo or unnatural. We must open our hearts and stand against hatred in all its forms. Because in the end, the only thing that should matter about love is that it is real. That it is honest. That it is freely given.

And that it is never, ever something to be ashamed of.

[unholywriters]

You Can't Escape From Me

╰┈➤ Summary: Johnny has twins who you used to babysat for a while when he needed help, but he didn't keep you then because he wanted you to branch out and chase after your dream job before coming back. Years past and he got an invited to a gala with a mystery bag from the one person he wanted to see

╰┈➤WC: 11.8k

╰┈➤ Parings: mafia Johnny x male reader

╰┈➤Genre: non-idol au, mafia au, 18+, smut

╰┈➤ Warnings: unprotected sex, mentions of blood

╰┈➤ Ratings: 18+

╰┈➤ Taglist: @xomakara

╰┈➤ Network: @ksmutsociety

╰┈➤ Credits: @aaagustd for the banner <3

Being in the mafia with kids is almost never fun, because you want them to have fun with their lives, living the best normal life you might give them before anything else, but sometimes things happen, there isn’t much anyone can do other than try. The father of twins, he always tried his best to make sure his twins felt loved and cared for. He didn’t dare think of hurting them or dropping them off at people when he was busy, he just had to figure out a way to make sure that they were loved, cared for and given the best he could do without making them scared of him, or if they got worried if they would ever be taken. The man was known as the Blood Spade, he always left a spade card after doing his job. Whether it would be a simple shot, or after terrifying people, he was born into this lifestyle and he was prepared for all of it. But he knew he had to ease his kids into when they got to the age, he made them a deal, when they become juniors in high school, he will explain his dangerous work and give them a choice, they can either stay with him and learn their own places in the mafia, or they could start their lives with different names so no one can trace them.

He loves his kids more than anything and wants them to know he will never drag them into this life if they truly don’t want to. Because there’s no sugar coating the life he was living, but that never stopped him from giving his kids the best he could when he could without spoiling them too much, but he knew they needed someone to stay home with them when he was gone, someone he could trust to talk to and someone who could watch his kids for the time he needed to leave for work, often staying late to handle business and make it look, more intresting for someone to find since he loved leaving messages, but with his kids being older now, it was harder to find someone he could trust enough to watch them when he was gone, sure he could trust them to stay alone, but he kids felt lonely when he was gone, knowing that calling him during work was dangerous but they needed someone to stay.

There was someone Johnny missed to trust to watch his kids, but knew they were living their best life, something he always hoped for when he first got to meet them again. His twins were younger, more hyper and trying their best to make their dad proud. He invited you to stay with him, paying you a hefty sum of 300 a week, letting you stay in the guest room while he used this to advance his empire. Making sure he secured more people and tied loose ends to make sure his kids were safe, making sure no one could see their face to tie them back to his empire. He would come back home after what felt like forever and see you bonding with them, his favorite two favorite moments, walking in to see the three of them all baking cupcakes together, it was for their kids class for someone’s birthday, and the kids wanted to be nice, making extra to keep at home as a snack. He walked in tired and the sounds of laughter got him curious, seeing the twins trying to put frosting while getting the frosting on their faces and noses, he walked in just as you got a picture. He smiled during it.

Getting pulled into the chaos by his son who was more excited to see him, leaving some cupcakes for him and you to decorate for later, he just went along with it, he got plenty of pictures. He saved them and had them framed in his office, he was one of all three of you just smiling, frosting on your cheeks and the brightest smile he ever saw. The second picture he had was on his phone, he came home worried because it was quiet and the house was dark; he was quiet when walking in since he thought it was a trap, walking through the rooms slowly only to find all three of you to sleep in his bed, you had a book in your hands, all three of you were in your pjs, and sleep in your own blankets. His heart melted at the sight, he quietly got himself dressed for bed and just laid in bed, holding the three of you as close as he could, he never wanted to let you go but he had to. You had your own dreams, but you kept the promise of staying in touch with his kids, something that makes them happy when they get a message from you.

But their responses have been slow since they’ve started school and have taken turns trying to study, which is why Johnny didn’t know if he should introduce them to this life, because he is rooted down into this life. But if he could get them a better life, he would get it.

“Appa, come on! We got an invitation to this place and we should go! It looks great.”

“Did you finish your homework and actual studies? If we went to it, we’d need to hurry and pick out some outfits. How do the two of you propose we get those in time, hm?”

Johnny had his kids move into a slightly bigger house, Each of them having their own rooms and bathrooms now to take care of, Johnny doesn’t hire too many workers, he only hires someone to garden the place and occasionally to clean some places of the house they can’t reach, if they use the pool they usually hire someone to clean the floors of it, often using it to practice swimming, since they don’t host parties at their main house, not like they ever planned on having parties here, since that would mean Johnny would have to be worried if an enemy child was here, not wanting his kids to get into this life too early. That and he didn’t want to watch other kids try to have some fun in some of his guest rooms or leave it to be a mess. He wasn’t about to be dealing with all of that.

“Well, about that!”

His son cheered, pulling up the three gift bags in hand, Johnny having a confused look on his face while slowly being handed a bag. It was silver, but it seemed to be heavy, whoever got him this, he was curious about it. DId his kids get to it? Were they planning this ahead of time just in case he was worried or would tell them no if they didn’t get to go, but he was curious, did they get this in advance? Did someone give it to them or was this a trap? If it was a trap, should he really risk going there? Letting down his twins who were well into their adulthood, not entirely but they were both 18, almost 19 soon and on the way to graduate early if they wanted to, it was their choice was he was ready to support whichever one.

“Where did you two get these from?”

“That’s a surprise we can’t open till 8! You’ll love it.”

“You better not peek either, we have to be surprised just like the rest of us!”

“Ah so you two know who sent it?”

“You’ll love it!”

Looking at his kids, his daughter, who was more excited about the outfits than his son, held his hands up and gave a soft sigh, but he still had a smile on his face as he did so. Agreeing to not look until it was time for them to get dressed and ready to go, it made him wonder how they were already prepared for it to happen. But he was happy to see them so excited to go, they had about 3 hours to get ready so it was unlikely they could not go; they seemed to have it all planned out from the start it seemed, but as promised he made sure to never peak while he listened on the place they were planning to go. Curious how they heard about this and not him but it makes sense that his kids were listening in on the fashion world. After all that’s where you were, attending places to achieve your dreams while the kids cheered for you from afar, Johnny just hoping the best for you and that your dream adventures go well and that someday he can meet you again. Not in any bad way but he wants to see you, maybe one day.

For now, he was just glad that his kids were safe and happy, plus he got to catch up with some of his old friends to make this work even more for him. Maybe he would see them at this event, but he knew he had to be careful, what if he saw someone he didn’t want to see, could he trust the security of the place to be sure? Would he be able to keep his kids safe and get out in a safe manner? Would he be able to stall for longer for them to get out before he needed to get out himself? Was he thinking too deep into this? Was he that paranoid about the kids' safety he didn’t want them going places where he didn’t have men there? OR where he knew the layout? He didn’t even get information about this place till just now, unless the place slipped his mind when he was being too busy about something and he needed to figure out what he was gonna do about it. Here he was, two teenagers who were growing up, getting ready to choose whatever dream they wanted to and still he was still worried about them.

He figured he should call someone, or his friends because he wanted to be sure. He wanted to call you, he truly did but figured you would be busy and didn’t want to distract you, so he ended up calling another fashion friend of his, Xiaojun. Someone who would often critize him for most of his outfit choices since sometimes he never looked like he could rip you apart with his own hands if he tried to, but he could and would if he ever had to. But that was a story for another day, and another time. Sitting in his office chair, softly tapping his black pen in his free hand, he scrolled to his friends' contacts, stopping just to look at the picture of you. Having a bright smile on your face since the picture was when he walked in on you having the time of your life baking like there was no tomorrow.

But he scrolled past it, calling his friend knowing they would answer it within a couple of rings and soon enough he was right. After two rings he heard his friend's voice on the other line, sounding like he just got done doing something but he was also trying not to laugh.

“Yes Johnny? Do I need to run another fit check on you and you’re calling me to give you tips, again?”

“Funny, but no. It’s about a gala that’s today, do you know anything about it? My kids seem to have this planned out since they gave me a bag with an outfit I can’t open for another two hours. What’s this about?”

“Oh my gods, Johnny I told you this a week ago so you could tell me what I Could make for you! There’s a new fashion icon, as they say, joining and I invited all three of you! It’s important since there will also be members who want to reach out to join you for alliance reasons. And since Junseo he might run into some business partners of yours and try to get other tips, you won’t tell him yet. DId they tell you who the bags were from?”

“No, there’s a note on it but Sojeung won’t let me even look at the note till it's time to get ready. So with that being said, can you tell me about the place itself? If we need to bring extra guards, is Yuta in charge of drinks and food this time? He always checks before serving food to guests.”

Turning in his chair, looking out his large office window as the sin began to set, he was looking for the building it was taking place in, since he can see it from his window. It was close to the heart of the town, maybe that’s why traffic was altered, there were setting this up and making sure no one uninvited could come in without permission. He knew he could trust his friends, but it everyone who seemed friendly was, he wanted to be sure. But since he had a while till then, he could plan this out if he knew the layout, and knowing Xiaojun, he would have pointers for each exit he could take and where to have his car move by a driver, since he planned on having one take him there anyway, even though his kids could very well drive on their own, he was having a driver take them and calling it a day.

“Do you know if…y/n would be there too?”

There was a silent pause on the other line, almost like he wanted to say no, but he heard a soft chuckle on the other side, coming from his friend which always meant something. He knew he was being teased about it, but he just wanted to see, because if that were the case he would try to change his plans some.

“Yes Johnny, that is all I will tell you, the rest is a surprise for you to learn and see for yourself.”

“Oh, come on man really? That means even if you have something planned!”

“I do. Of course I do but telling you would ruin the surprise, now figure out your escape plan though I highly doubt there will be any conflict. But anyway, have fun. Don’t get too lost in your memories now, unless you want me to tease you more in the future.”

“You are no fun, you know that?”

Johnny got ready an hour early, since this would be the best time so the traffic wasn’t too bad and he had a feeling most who were invited got to arrive early before crowds tried to make their way in when seeing all the cars before trying to take pictures of them and post them online for everyone to see. He made sure his kids were actually getting ready first before he walked to the silver bag, bringing it to his bathroom, slowly opening it and seeing the note first. He was nervous about it, when he used to get notes they would always tease him about trying to come for him or his family, which would never end well and he enjoyed it. But who would send him something? He was questioning this till he saw the handwriting, and couldn’t help but smile at it.

“Hey Johnny! It’s your favorite bookworm. If you got this, it means I finally became a fashion designer and wanted to make you something! I had to call xiaojun for measurements because I wanted to surprise you and the twins! I tried my best and if you don’t like it I understand since I didn’t just want to do the classic white and black suit for you and Junseo. I wanted to add flair, and since the kids will be there, yes, there’s a shirt, if you choose to come to the after party which I hear is always filled with gossip so I might not go, you can just wear the jacket, I hope to see you there!”

Looking at the note, Johnny smiled wide. Truly happy and smiling as he read the note slowly, making sure he skipped no words or lines, just hearing your voice as he read. You made him an outfit, of course he was wearing it regardless of how it looked. And then he would make sure he was taking great care of it properly. Like he would ever let any of your works get destroyed. He was nervous, what was he about to see? But he was also excited.

He walked over to the suit and slowly pulled out the hanger since it was carefully folded in with one. It came in this beautiful,midnight blue long coat that had a little trail behind him. A slightly loose vest with the matching satin slacks. He could pick teh shoes but the outfit was simple, but with how Johnny would style himself, it would make him pop even just a little. He was so glad he took a shower before looking at this, making sure he looked great. Having some of his hair tucked back to his scalp, with some of his hair sticking out on the right side of his face. He was careful when getting on the outfit, standing back to see himself in the mirror. Oh he loved it, slipping his hands in his pockets, he loved it. He knew just the earrings, necklace and bracelet to put on for the moment.

He was careful while he looked in the mirror, smiling to himself while he fixed the coat, he didn’t have all the buttons closed since that was just the way he was with them. He picked out his shoes and sprayed his favorite cologne, checking himself in the mirror one more time before leaving to check on his kids. He was beaming with a smile that never seemed to leave while he walked down the large circle stairway, seeing Junseo matching with him though his trail was barely there and he understood why. He didn’t want to trip or get it caught, but he was more formal with his, tucking in the vest and making sure no unwanted skin was showing with his dangling earrings.

“You saw the note too right!”

He beamed, so excited to see his dad’s reaction to getting something from you after all this time not being able to see and being too nervous to call you. Which made him a little sad because he always promised to call you whenever he couldn’t want you to think he had forgotten you, because he never truly could.

“Yes Junseo, I got it. Did you know it was coming from y/n this entire time?”

“I didn’t but Sojeung did, she made me promise not to tell you since she wanted all of us to be surprised with them.”

He heard heels clicking, turning to the staircase to see his daughter walking down in what he thought was a ball gown. It wasn’t too long to where her shoes would get caught, but it covered them to make it look like she was gliding on air. The sleeves were fluffy, ruffled even, but they covered her shoulders which was something johnny would still make sure wasn’t too bad, the center of the dress had a little heart in the middle of her chest, she paired it with a matching heart necklace, and since she always loved red dresses, this one made just for her. His smile grew more than he possibly thought that it could. He wanted a picture, but he wanted one with all of them in it and knew he needed to wait before he got the chance for that to happen.

“These are all amazing! I knew Y/n was gonna be great!”

“Look at Appa! He’s smiling and we haven’t left yet.”

“Let’s go pick a car, who texted the driver or did someone text Uncle Xiaojun for this part.”

Crossing his arms, he saw his daughter smile before walking over to the closet door. This meant Xiaojun had a driver come in a different car, something he knew he was gonna use by the end of the night. He playfully rolled his eyes while walking outside, opening the doors while making sure security knew not to let anyone in until he returned. Following behind his kids, he saw the xiaojun sitting in his car with the window down, his driver having a car behind him with no one else inside of it, but just in case. His main car was a white Mercedes Sedan, he loved this car.

The inside of the car had black leather seats. Some had extra cushions to make you feel more comfortable for longer rides, the consul in the middle of the back seats having a spot for chargers, glasses of any drinks really and a spot for phones and snacks. The floor mats feel soft but also easy to clean. The front had a different middle console connecting to the dashboard that had its own touch screen for the music and everything with seats with their own warmers and coolers in the chairs with plenty of room for their legs. The kids got in the second car; it was all planned out beforehand; it was planned from the start, leaving Johnny in the dark but it was for a good reason this time. The kids would take the extra car while xiaojun drove him. Then again, this would be for private talks and the kids didn’t need to hear them tonight.

“You’re glowing more than the kids were, I take it you got the note?”

“Jun I’m more excited to see them, Is that why you have a second car and whatnot?”

Xiaojun had a smirk on his face as he began the drive, softly humming and pushing the hair back from his face, chuckling softly as he drove down the dark street only being lit up by headlights and car lights. Johnny leaning far back in the chair with his seatbelt on, looking out the window trying to cover his smile.

“Exactly why, how could I not? You never attend those after parties, and the kids planned on staying over with me anyway since I promised them a deal, if you agreed they could stay at my place, if not I would set up a meeting with the two of you. Besides, y/n would’ve been mad at you.”

“Shut up, I can’t wait to see what y/n made for themselves, have they gotten into any trouble that you know of?”

“No, as far as I know no. But we know better, if anything y/n would tell you alone with no one being there. I can imagine you taking them back home, so I made sure you had a second car to take them. I already have clothes for the kids.”

“DId all of you truly just plan this from teh start minus me and y/n knowing?”

“Yes, Johnny we did.”

Rolling his eyes in a playful manner, everyone had arrived at the venue before the camera's barged in, security was already waiting and a checklist to make sure no one tried to ruin it by coming in, or making a scene. Johnny walked inside with his kids, looking at the large room, it had a photo station along with a walkway to show off your outfit and pose with people you enjoyed. The tables have spots reserved with names, each having their own little theme to them and a mixture of the colors each party would wear. The lights weren’t too bright, but not too dim where it was hard to see. The flowers hanging from the ceiling. It was like walking into a fancy garden with tables and places to show off.

He slowed down his walking, looking around to see you before getting to the table, looking around but trying to keep his hair out of his face. He looked to see his kids hugging you, and seeing you made him smile at the sight. You were wearing one of your own designs; it hugged every part of you just right, not too tight but not too loose. Even in the lighting you were glowing in his eyes, he didn’t move; he wanted to see his kids enjoy this moment while he pulled out his phone and took a picture. Looking down for a minute at the picture, he saw you looking at the camera when he took it, which made him look up to see you walking towards him. He watched you walk with power in each step, slipping the phone in his pocket before opening his arms to embrace you in the tightest hug, nearly picking you up even. He was always known to give tight hugs when he missed someone close to him.

“Goodness, you look absolutely stunning. You made these yourself?”

Softly setting you down with a questioning look, his arms resting on your shoulders, slowly going down while he stared down into your eyes, his smiling shining with yours. Your hands holding onto his arms with joy and excitement in your eyes, it made him want to just hold you even more because he wanted to know what else you had to say.

“I did! Do you love it? I remember you almost never button up your vest fully but loved the flare.”

“Are you kidding me I love this, I feel like superman with how I’m walking. You know unless it’s a formal event I’m keeping one of these unbuttoned. You even made the kids glow and they look so amazing. God, even you look amazing! I hope I didn’t mess up anything.”

“You didn’t, I wanted to do simple outfits this time, but I love making expensive gowns for evening get-togethers or even wedding gowns!”

“Ooo, will we see some of those tonight? I’d buy them right now, the gowns at least, Sojeung doesn’t need to see those and try to rush into marriage yet.”

“Yes, you will and no you can’t buy them all, Though knowing you, you’d pay me more than I was charging.”

“You’re so right, come and sit with us, I’m pretty sure I saw your name there anyway and you’re right next to me.”

Pulling out the chair for his daughter, then for you, he sat down next to you while the gala now started. Everyone got to choose their drinks, Johnny making sure no liquor was given to his kids or even you for that matter, while listening to you talk about your adventures with fashion, it was something everyone was curious about since you rarely posted anything on socials since you were so invested in your career. But even while everyone seemed to be attached in the story, Johnny was staring at you the entire time. A smile on his face while he made sure you had his entire attention unless someone tried to get his attention. But for now, everyone seemed to make their own plans before the main event where to start. Sojeung had more questions but he was just staring, his chin resting on one of his hands with a soft but bright smile on his face.

But soon you had to leave to make sure the gowns were ready for show, he didn’t want to leave you, but he knew people were going to use this time now. His kids wanted to ask questions but Xiaojun stayed near them just to be safe and no one was trying to take advantage of them, but he had more mafia talks in the works. Some even begged for help or to forgive debts, he didn’t know, but you were peeking to see him working, how his pure happy expression changed into a dark and serious one. He gave each of them the same attention span, some had more of an easier time, some were left to scramble. He got his name for a reason, he wouldn’t show it now, but if he saw someone he would show why people feared him. But when he saw you walk on stage, the darkness faded away and the light came back in his eyes.

He watched you make a quick speech, his legs staying crossed while blocking out people who weren’t his kids, seeing how each design was showing, he knew his daughter wanted to study under you when she graduated, and he could see why she would. He never talked till the end, waiting for you at the door just to congratulate you on everything, everything looked amazing, it wasn’t too bright but not too dim on the models. Some were taking notes on the choices that they were seeing, even while you stood to the side and watched the models walk, waiting for the last one before walking out, your smile was glowing in the light while waving to everyone, blowing a kiss to Junseo and Sojeung and a wink to Johnny, who slowly took a sip of his wine, his true first sip of the night while he listens to you giving the ending speech, more than happy to join the fashion world with those close to you and learning more tips, making new friends and collaborate.

But the night just started, Johnny has plans, but he also wants to see what you have planned, after all you two have many things to talk about but some might not be at the to talk about in a place as backed as this one is. But he also would not take you away this fast after all the kids missed you more than anything, he could just sit here and watch, and for a while he did that, till someone carefully walked up to him and kissed the golden ring on his finger, the mafia ring his father gave him to make sure his role stood out when people looked at him. If they wanted to ask a favor or talk to him, they would have to kiss it before talking. Johnny looked away and down at the kneeling man, he was in the darker spot of the venue. But for some, it just made his gaze look more terrifying to them most.

“Mr. Spade, it’s a pleasure to see you here, I’ve been trying to reach you for a while regarding the debts I’ve been trying to pay off.”

“Your name, there are several of you that have debts to pay off to me, and most of you are falling behind on those and not all of them are going to live to get it.”

His voice stayed calm, something some found more scary while he moved his hand away, grabbing the cup and fixing himself to face the person, the older man who looked to be in his 50s. His suit was as nearly fixed as he could get it, trying to look at ease while he sat next to Johnny in a different chair. His legs were crossed with his wine glass slightly twirling, he was curious what the approach was this time and why should he let this man walk away debt free. He was there for a reason; it was an easy lesson. Though some always say that he’s unfair or being too harsh, there are always two sides to a story, and a coin.

“I was thinking, most debts like this are often paid off in a marriage.”

“My children. Are off limits. Mr. Kang, and no, I am not marrying anyone you even try to offer. Now, do you have a different approach or are you going to ask for an extension?”

His voice went colder, his smirk showing a dark twist as he stared at the man in the eyes. He wanted to stab the man’s hand but his kids were here, you were here. Too many people were here and he would not overshadow your event with his business for the time being. He refused to, and that so many people were trying to use this spot to do so we're making him mad. If anything, he just wanted to sit here and watch your smile glow, thinking about the times he wished he could see it closer like he was just standing there in the distance just to watch you glow even more.

“You know y/n, yes? They only sent out personal invitations. I’m their uncle, I can give-.”

Johnny shot him one more glare, his smirk was gone, his face was cold and stern. With a threatening look that could kill anyone if possible. He set down the wineglass and leaned closer, his arms resting on his knees before tilting his head in a dangerous slow turn.

“If you ever use y/n against me like that again, I will make sure you feel every gun shot before I cut your head off and put it in front of your business for everyone to see. Y/n cut you out for a reason, and I can see why. Now go back to paying your debt till you die, when that happens, I’ll forgive your debt, if anyone still stands by you on your deathbed. Now leave my sights, or this place will be the last place anyone ever sees you again.”

Letting out a sigh, he watched Mr.Kang scramble to leave the area before he truly was about to die, but he was still angry. He knew you never liked your uncle, always asking people to pay off debts so much that he got himself into trouble, it got to where it was affecting you so you just left with the clothes on your back so you could start on your own. He was so mad he didn’t hear you walking over, he only turned his head when he heard the chair move closer to him, but then he saw you and he couldn’t help but smile, putting his hands down and relaxing while turning his whole body to you. His head tilting to the side with a smile on his face.

“You did amazing up there bookworm. I loved those gowns, the wedding dresses I know for a fact Sojeung is going to buy one from you regardless of the price.”

“She was telling me that before deciding they should go with Xiaojun back home, I almost didn’t see you till now. You looked annoyed talking to my uncle, let me guess, was he trying to ask you for money?”

“He…owes me money. I did him a favor a long time ago, before I even had the twins, he only now panicked. He took a lot from me.”

He had a soft chuckle, leaning back in the cozy chair while giving you his full attention. He could see the confusion on your face while the dots were connecting. It was something he wasn’t ready to fully talk about, but knew he needed to, though he wasn’t sure if he should do it here or somewhere else, where he can do it without worrying about others trying to ask him questions. Though he was used to it by now, he still found it to be annoying even after getting used to it by this point.

“He always said his biggest debt was to a mafia member, he always had some nasty things to say about this..Spade guy. I wanted to ask you about it but never could.”

Johnny gave you a soft look, but it wasn’t entirely just a soft look, it was something dark while he flicked his wrist and held up a spade card; It was the same one he always had when he was visiting people or having to deal with debts. He saw the look on your face, and he was happy at this point his kids were gone, he knew xiaojun gave him the spare key to the car he took earlier, so now he had a use for the kit.

“Follow me, we have things to talk about and being here would make it…hard to stay serious and on topic if people keep asking me questions, and clearly you have questions I need to answer in a more…quiet setting.”

His manners never once changed despite him seeing the questioning look written all over your face, this wasn’t how he imagined your first reunion back, but he knew at some point that he needed to get this out of the way and out in the open just so he can talk around you freely without having to worry. And besides, his kids know at least something about his work, just not the full story. He held his hand out to help you out of the seat. He didn’t move while he watched the look in your eyes, how they were slightly moving around, probably to see if he was joking but he sadly wasn’t. He was being the same serious Johnny who was also careful with how he acted; he didn’t want to scare you, but he also didn’t want to lie to you, not anymore about the darker side of his life.

Holding you hand in his hands, he walked to the spare car; he kept you close but not too close enough to where it felt like a threat. He even opened the passenger side door for you, knowing sitting in the back would be more difficult but this way it felt more personal. Since it would be just the two of you and he could easily give better answers, especially since he planned on taking you back to his place since that would have more proof and records of everything Mr.Kang owned him and why. He always wrote it down and had the person sign it, even with video proof in case someone thought it was against their will or even if it was fake. He always came prepared for situations like this for family members not wanting to believe what was happening, but he never enjoyed lying to people, especially those who were kept in the dark about everything.

“If you need proof, I have an entire notebook and video proof if you want to see why he has to pay me back, since I can imagine he’s tried to use you for his debts several times.”

Starting the car, Johnny stayed focused on your reaction, you were coming back from your thoughts, but he was still careful, he didn’t start driving but it was getting dark, and he knew the drive would’ve felt longer if you weren’t talking the way he knew you wanted to say and he needed to see and make sure that you could still talk, to react without hurting yourself or making him crash the car somehow. Slowly blinking, your seatbelt clicked before giving him a sharp turn, one leg crossing over the other and it made him think of the lunch times where you knew he had something interesting to say, and you wouldn’t ask for it out loud, but you’d give him a look and a pose, meaning you wanted to know everything top to bottom even if it wasn’t relevant to the story.

“Pick where you want me to start and where we’re going, I could start anywhere and still go right back to the start, bookworm.”

“Your new house since no one told me you moved and of course from the beginning. How in the world did you become the bloody spade when you hated getting a cut knee in the gym!”

Starting the car, he tried not to laugh when he knew you were, because it was true, he hated getting hurt in the gym and would act dramatic if he were to get hit with a ball or touched during any games of tag, basketball or anything in that nature. He would lay there and hope to be sent to the nurse's office just, so he never had to do it, but the teacher would just laugh and make him get back up and run laps alone so he couldn’t talk to anyone anymore instead of taking part in the lesson for the day, then again there were times he would get hurt and needed to be taken to the nurses office just to be safe, since some kids took gym way too seriously.

“Well, it was summer break of Junior year and I got told, not a choice, but told. I was taking over my father's spot, and he pushed me harder than any gym teacher ever could. He told me to pick a card and whichever one I got, I needed to make a name. He was Spiked king, My mom was the Ace, and I got Spades, but since he pushed me so hard I would… torture someone till they bleed, or if someone were to beg me for information, it would get to where they were bleeding. Hence why the name Bloody Spades.”

“How did my uncle get mixed up with you? He only needed help when I graduated.”

“Ah easy, he had a secret business he didn’t want any of you to know of because it was tied right into the mafia, helping create secret houses, managing the shipments, but he needed help. He wanted my Appa’s approval, but he needed mine so he asked for a favor, and I told him if he wanted my help he needed to prove it, and he was struggling for a long time. By the time you graduated, he wanted to marry you off to me to get out of the debt, but I always declined. And he’s been pushy about trying to get out of it, when you came over he tried one more time to marry you off, which was stupid because it would not work, now he just has a target on his back for even trying it.”

“I mean we did always warn him he was gonna mess with the wrong person and clearly, it was you. But do the kids know? Junseo always said he wanted to be like you, Do they know?”

“They do, not entirely, but they know I do some dangerous and deadly work, they have a choice, they can either stay with me and learn about it, or since I’ve made only their teachers know their faces, they can go out and do whatever they want and no one will ever be able to trace them to me. I won’t make one of them or the both of them stay, unless they want to because I also told them my help will be limited, since they would have to learn for themselves.”

The drive wasn’t too dark; it was just the same Johnny who was easy to read like a book but would never hurt a fly unless he truly needed to. But with you, he never could hurt you even if someone made him. Even now, driving you to his new house and parking the car in the much wider garage, there weren’t that many cards, but he had it split to where the kids had their own cards now and sections. But he's still stayed closer to the main door, it was just one of his rules and he knew which cars were his. Neither of you had gotten out of the car yet, he turned his attention back to you while he was explaining, seeing you get curious but you had a smile on your face. It made hom curious why you were smiling.

“Those kids really kept you sane didn’t they?”

“That and the two pictures I have of you three, seeing you smile when baking with them truly made me want to cry, it was just the cutest moment.”

“You always wanted a family, Johnny.”

“And the kids always saw you as their mom, y/n.”

His voice was softer, his eyes having a loving look while he just stared at you, even when sitting in the car he never wanted this moment between the two of you, but he knew the two of you needed to. The kids always saw you as their mom, he wanted to ask you to stay with him that day, to just move in and stay with them before slowly trying to marry you, he knew exactly what he wanted but he never wanted to push that into you, so he never made a move on it. Yet here he was, his kids were all grown up and could go anywhere they wanted, and there was truly nothing more stopping the two of you from staying near each other, unless you didn’t want to stay in the life he was in. Since it would mean if something happened to you, then blood would be shed regardless of how it happened.

“I know they did, when it was time for bed they never let me sleep in the guest room. They always made me sleep in your room, saying eomma should sleep in Appa’s bed.”

Johnny slowly got out, opening the passenger side door, holding your hand and walked inside of the different house. The living room was more larger, connected to the dining room and larger kitchen, that also had a bar display of his favorite drinks and cups to use when he wanted to, often being when the kids were fast asleep and he could sit on the couch or even in the larger backyard, sitting on one of the lounge chairs just near the pool. Watching you look around and feel around the new pieces of furniture in different ways. While he slowly walked into the kitchen, watching you through the openings and the dim lights.

“Can I interest you in a drink, hm? I’m sure you have more questions.”

“Hm.. Maybe, but does your room have a place we can…drink those?”

Johnny raised a brow slightly, looking at the bottles and cups before seeing you slowly walk over, examining each bottle to see which should be taken upstairs. The shoes were off, but he still looked amazing in his outfit. The way his hair was poking out, yet he still looked like a model who just got and was ready to come home and relax.

“How about we take this bottle? It’s my favorite wine.”

“You’ve become a wine taster too? This is sweet.”

“It’ll help me ask more…questions.”

Johnny gave a ‘right” look while grabbing the bottle and two small cups before walking up the spiral stairs, looking back at you, he just loved seeing you look curious now, the place felt the same but it was entirely different, the hallways were longer, the rooms were bigger with more views of the city, but it wasn’t loud anymore, it was the peaceful quiet. His room was larger than before, the black wooden floors with a large floating bed, it was closer to the door, but it also had the closet connected, but the large windows would slide open to the balcony, overlooking the large backyard and some of the other houses, though Johnny wouldn’t sit out there during the day unless someone wanted to see him in his robe and underwear. But that was for a different day, another story.

The lights were dim, and his tv was on with you having the remote to have some background noise if you wanted to, or even if you wanted to play some music just to play into the mood even more. Sitting on the bed, holding the cup, watching him pour some, but not enough to fill the entire cup. Laying on the other side of the bed, crossing one leg over the other and leaning on one arm, leaning slightly closer to you while taking small sips from his own cup. Whatever questions you had for him, he would answer honestly with no hesitation, unless he needed to find the words to make it make even just a little of sense for you.

“If you work just the mafia part, how do you cover it up? Surely people would’ve found out who you were by now.”

“Business men do anything to keep their stocks, some venture into the darker side and end up meeting me. Of course I never show my face, unless it’s during the day and they find me at my business, which needs a fashion designer in the works.”

“Did you seriously sneak that in just so I can stay near you during work?”

“I absolutely did. But those who find out my face don’t know about the twins since I don’t have them tied to me yet. But I have eyes everywhere, people everywhere who oversee a lot of things that some might not think I have.”

“Did you ever have men watching me?”

“No, if I did you would’ve figured it out sooner by now, I wanted you to enjoy your dream choice without worrying if I was being weird, I wanted to call you so many times, but knew if I did I would’ve lost it, that wasn’t gonna be fair to you.”

“So you waited for me here, for that long? And you wonder why I used to say I wanted a man like you.”

“The only way you’re getting a partner like me is by dating me, y/n.”

“Looks like the kids are getting their eomma back, hm?”

People always say Johnny would pounce on someone like a lion if he wanted to eat them alive under him. Like claws trapping you underneath him but his kisses would feel like a fiery poison that would keep you coming back for more, like there truly was no escaping him no matter how hard anyone tried to get you off. The cups were on his nightstand; the curtains were covering the windows just to make it more personal. And his lips were devouring yours like a staring animal. He slowly crawled on top of you, his lips never letting go of yours while your hands traveled up to his shoulders, pulling down the coat to his shoulders. And here he was trying so hard just to suck on your tongue, testing the wine but enjoying every second.

Leaning his head back at the feeling of you tugging his hair back, he didn’t want to let go, but he did, a string of saliva, his soft eyes were no longer there, his eyes were filled with lust and hunger. He stared down at you, his tongue slightly sticking out. He was looking at you like he was about to take a bite out of a feast, being starved all day and he could finally get a bite out of something he's been dying for. Even of all it was just a kissed, he could see your lips getting swollen the way your eyes were fluttering opened and shut just to stare at him, he made you feel small, trapped under him knowing there was no getting out, but that he was also going to take care of you beforehand.

“This is not how I wanted to be asked out on my first day back home.”

“You’re not about to be walking out of this room by the time I’m done with you, Doll.”

His face being pressed against your neck, letting the breathe just send shivers down your spine, sitting up slightly just to slip the jacket down with the vest being left, the one time he got to keep the vest on, but it was taken off in a careful manner, after all this was made by you, how could he just ruin it this fast on a special night like this? But given the lightning in the room, it was like a subtle glow on his face and chest. The way he was staring down at you, like he could just eat you whole and alive and there would be no one there to stop him from doing so.

The way his hands carefully took off the top of your outfit, tossing it down to the floor next to his own before his lips went back to your neck, sucking on one side with your head tilted to the far side, breath hitched while your hand traveled up to his broad shoulders, feeling his back muscles, his hips brushing against yours like he was rocking you two back and forth like a rocking chair. But his hands were rubbing against your chest, both hands going up to your nipples just to squeeze and pull them, hearing the shock and slightly louder moans coming from you. It was making it enjoyable for him and he loved it, if anything he would’ve recorded them in case he was alone, and missed hearing you beg for him.

His kisses were like little sparks, they didn’t stay in one spot, but he was also leaving hickies, enjoying the way your hands ran through his hair while he enjoyed feeling you, leaving kisses and marks before quickly pulling away from your collarbone, holding your sides and flipping you two over quickly.

“Suck me off. I want to See how desperate you can get for me before I ruin that pretty cunt of yours.”

His voice was low, almost like a growl while he watched you, the way your hair was already flying everywhere, your chest was heaving while he could see all the marks he left on you. It was something interesting for him, seeing all the marks while watching you scramble down to the lower parts of the bed, both pair of pants were flown off, resting against the window, a surprised gasp leaving your mouth while seeing the size of him, he could barely fit in your mouth, how was that supposed to go in your ass? he wasn’t joking when he said you weren’t walking out of this room, even if you did your legs would be wobbly and there was truly no way of getting out without some form of help from him.

“How the fuck…does this fit in anything you wear! My Hand alone needs help just to wrap it around!”

“You flatter me, doll, but you can find a way, or if I have to do all the work, you won’t be doing anything for a while.”

His hands messing with your hair, he was always gonna take you through it, making sure you took everything just the way he pictured it, but he also would not push you to do it, making sure if anything you felt confident enough to try anything with him. The way his soft hand stayed on your face, watching you lick the tip like it was ice cream, gods he was excited. He kept his full attention on you and only you. Come on Doll, you can do it.

He whispered, watching you with anticipation while you sucked on the tip, at least one hand wrapped around the rest with the other one messing with his balls, he gasped while trying to stay still, making sure no sudden movements scared you or made you jump. He wanted to stay still enough for you to keep trying, to get used to it and not choke on him. But fuck, was that hard with your soft touches along with how wet your mouth was. His breath hitched while he watched you slowly take in the rest, moving your mouth slowly with your eyes closed, finding that to be the easiest part while feeling his hungry eyes stare at you, it was like he was falling in love with you all over again.

“Fuck doll, just like that.”

He had to grip the sheets since he didn’t want to tug too much of your hair, but he was trying to keep himself from moving, staying as still as he could without bucking his hips, which he found to be harder than he thought. God, he wanted to fuck your throat; he wanted to see tears run down your face while he kept your head still, but he would do nothing without your permission to. He watched you take it all in, he could feel your tongue moving around while all he could do was bite his tongue, letting out groans now and then. But what made his knuckles white was when you pulled away with a soft pop.

“Fuck my throat.”

Quickly said, panting with your tongue sticking out still, saying it again while trying to breathe. God if he did that how were you going to breathe? He wasn’t small enough to try so he wasn’t letting you nearly faint from sucking him off alone. He was gonna drive you crazy, and sucking him off was just the start. But, Johnny gives what he asks. He waited till you took him back in slowly, enjoying the feeling of your wet cavern before holding your head down, his arms flexing as he bucked his hips up, letting g the tip hit against the back of your throat, he was in love with your muffled sounds, seeing your hands run up to his thighs to squeeze them, practically digging your nails into them to leave marks only you would see when this would happen again. But, how could he let the fun end here?

He pulled your head away just as he was twitching; it was torture for him. His muscles shook while he stared at you, seeing you pant with your tongue sticking out, his hand in your hair he pulled you closer to him for another sloppy and heated kiss. One hand still in your hair and the other rubbing your ass with a nice hard smack. Just to add some sparks to it while he squeezed it in his hand. Pulling away he watched your reaction to his hands never leaving your ass alone. But he wasn’t gonna use that, he flipped you over on your hands and knees, letting you hold onto a pillow while rubbing your sides, leaving random kisses on your back just to leave some more because he could. He needed to stretch you, but he had to be careful with it.

“Squeeze that pillow and tell me if it hurts okay? I need to stretch you before you start to cry.”

One hand spread your cheeks apart with his other middle finger slowly went inside, he didn’t move them too much, feeling you squeeze around him to keep his finger still while watching you, seeing your shoulders tense around his one long finger before he twisted it around slowly, watching your hands grip the pillow while your head was turned just so he could look back at you. He slowly added another, but tried his luck with three. He wanted to watch you shiver under him while he kept you under him, leaning down to your ear just so he could whisper in it. He enjoyed it, he watched your hands grip the pillow with as much force as you could, whimpering some even while his fingers went in and out in a quick manner. Softly nibbling on your ear lobe while one hand had a firm grip on your side, the other making sure you stayed stretched while your body was pressing back against his.

“Fuck…Johnny…Johnny!”

“Oh? No wonder that felt good. I found it and by the looks of it, I’ve teased you long enough haven’t I?”

He slowly pulled his fingers out, licking them clean before rolling you on top of him, he wanted to watch you bounce before he ended up truly making sure there was no leaving the bed the next morning. He wanted to watch you shake on top and under him, and that’s exactly what he was getting. Seeing you slowly sit on the tip before sitting on the rest, your sounds were loud and filled with pleasure, the way your mouth parted, opened, trying to close but the feeling made more moans escape. Your hands resting on his chest and leaving scratches down. Even though he was low, he was moaning at the sight, though they were covered up by you.

He didn’t mind it, after all he was getting the best show of his life, his hands resting on your sides to help you bounce, oh it was something new and he was loving every second. His hands were leaving bruises with how hard he was holding them, he tried to help you bounce but nothing was hitting the spot you needed it to, he could tell despite the pleasured look on your face. He pulled you down closer to him, flipping you over so you were on your back, moving one leg up to his shoulders and keeping the other one around his waist while moving his hips quicker than he thought. He watched your hands reach to his chest to leave more scratches while tears were streaming down your face.

He was hitting every spot like it was nothing, even with the sweat dripping down some of his hair, he was determined to make you scream, shake even under him. He was enjoying it; he was loving it.

“Johnny…Johnny Johhny Johnny!”

“That’s my name doll, the more you say it, the harder I’m getting.”

He breathed out, letting go of one of your legs to squeeze your neck, not enough to restrict the airflow completely but it was enough to drive you crazy while the sound of skin slapping down there got louder. He was getting sloppier, quicker even and there was no stopping him even if someone swung that door open and tried to make him. He was close; you were close, and he was making sure you were seeing the stars by the time he was done. Watching as your arms wrapped around his back, scratching down as you released on his stomach the same time he made sure you were filled. Tilting his head to the side some, panting some while holding you.

“My face.. I want some on my face…”

Hearing that caught him by surprise, you already looked like you were going to pass out in his arms. Yet the fact that you still wanted more was a shocker to him. But who was he to deny you the pleasure that you were asking for? Watching you use your shaky arms to move down, wrapping your hands around his still throbbing yet silk covered cock as fast as your hands could go. He was sensitive after the intense release, but that wasn’t stopping him from twitching in your hands still. Watching your tongue stick out and just lick the tip like a thirsty hamster.

One hand keeping him sitting up, the other hand running through your hair as a way of comfort. His head leaned back, letting out quick breaths with soft moans coming. He was getting there, he was still there and trying to stay as still as possible despite his thighs looking like they were shaking, with little crescent nails still present on his thighs. 

“Shit…y/n I’m close. Shit!”

His hips sputtered up while his head leaned back, his arm shaking and nearly causing him to fall while you tried to catch what you could. Some landing on your face with the rest landing on your tongue, licking the rest clean while looking up at him. Seeing his chest rising with a nice layer of sweat covering him and shining with the dim light hitting him just right. Slowly rolling his head back to lock eyes with you, he wanted to kiss you. But he also wanted to enjoy the moment he was seeing. He loved it. 

“Let me get you a towel to clean you up, that’ll dry up if we’re not careful. Then in hte morning we can take a bath since I have a feeling standing for you would be a challenge for you.”

He teased, picking you up and laying you on the bed, kissing your forehead before walking to the bathroom. Grabbing one of the soft towels and ran it under some warm water, making sure he ran it out good enough before coming back over to clean you up. Being careful in the main area that would hurt the most with how red it looked. He wasn’t exactly gentle when it came to the thrust. Watching you try to stay awake despite knowing you could fall asleep, he would keep you safe from anything in this moment and made sure you got to sleep comfortably.

“Looks like I’m the most protected person in seoul now hm?”

“Yes Doll, you are. Now get some rest, you look and sound so tired.”

Johnny was a man of his word that day, he truly didn’t let you walk away after that, but he helped you around the house carrying you after helping you take a nice and relaxing bath, letting you wear some of his clothes while his kids had returned, questioning what happened since your shoes were still there only to find you two softly kissing in the kitchen, johnny trying to cook breakfast since he knew everyone loved his home made pancakes and today he had a whole other reason to make them. After all this was a family reunion, what better way to bring that together and celebrate other than everyone's favorite breakfast, but he had to carry you, but that was how the relationship took off.

Though he never brought you or the kids into his dangerous life, making sure none of it ever made its way to the front steps of his house and he refused to even talk about it when asked questions because he wanted his home to be a safe place, knowing that there was no way anyone could ever try to take that away for no reason. But his kids wanted to stay with him, stay with the family that made them enjoy waking up every day and even when leaving the house just knowing they had a safe place to come back to, but you still often helped with outfits that his daughter was making, enjoying to see her work so hard just to make sure that everything looked just the way she was envisioning it. But like he warned them, he would not be that easy on them like he was with everything else.

He was harsh on them outside of the house; he needed them to be ready for just about everything and he taught all that he could, but once the three of them would return home, all mafia talk was gone. Making sure you had eaten something and Johnny would even twirl you around when he would first get home sometimes.

“Eomma, Appa, you two should have a date night!”

“Oh yeah, and why are you two? Trying to keep us distracted by something?”

“Yah! We can do something nice for you two!”

Junseo shot back in a playful tone, seeing Johnny hold you from behind and leaving a kiss on your cheek. He enjoyed the kids trying to set up little dates for you, but he knew he didn’t want to go somewhere else today, he wanted to sit and even watch a movie with you, but he knew the reason. It’s been months by now, and you two always fell in love when looking at each other for what felt like hours but it was minutes just staring at each other.

“And if we don’t feel like going anywhere else today? A movie date is always a fun thing to do.”

“Do you two actually watch the movies to the end or is there something else happening?”

“That’s for only us to know Sojeung, none of you will ever know.”

“I don’t mind watching another movie in your room, the living room echos my laugh!”

Johnny loved your laugh, it made his heart flutter just by seeing teh happiness in your face while holding you. That is why he loved crappy movies, he got to see your pure reaction and there was nothing better than seeing that. He let you pick a movie while walking over to his kids, Junseo handing him the small box with a smile on his face. Johnny opened the box slowly to peek before smiling at the sight, the ring he had commissioned was finally ready and it looked beautiful. He knew you would love it and he couldn't wait to see that.

He wanted to marry you from the moment you got back, but knew that was jumping too far so he waited but he couldn’t wait any longer, he wanted to call you Mr.Suh with him, to see that glow on your face every time you looked at that ring and he loved it, so he wanted to wait till the kids were in their room’s because they would give it away, though they promised to stay hidden and quiet because they wanted to see the reaction you would have to a ring box he wanted. Though he had an entire idea, what better way to surprise you when you're relaxed and truly happy. And thus, movie night began with the two of you sitting on the large couch, you laying across his lap while he held you close during the entire time. He waited for a certain scene knowing when the male lead would also propose; he wanted to time it from the moment he saw the movie that was picked.

So he leaned to your ear and whispered Your reaction would be the same if you saw the ring. He saw how fast your head turned before looking at his hands, his daughter still in hiding while holding the camera to record it all. Seeing the look of disbelief on your face before covering your mouth, seeing his bright and genuine smile while seeing you quickly nodding your head. Squealing at the sight, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug while he was holding you close, letting out a happy laugh before the hug turned into a group hug, he always said you could never escape him, after all, why would you want to do that now?

After all, look at you now, the kids loved you like their own mother and you had the best husband you could’ve asked for. There was no leaving him, even if someone tried their hardest to.

[carisa-ironfell]

If you're going to church just for the "sermon" and want to get pissy about getting "lectured" instead, you're not actually listening to what's being said (or your pastor isn't saying the right things) and you definitely aren't going to church for the right reasons. It's just autopilot at that point, just a pointless ritual that doesn't mean anything. And I know this from experience because that's WHY I stopped going to church. I wasn't getting anything useful out of it, and the environment was taxing my mental health instead of helping me heal. I wasn't growing, I was just miserable and angry and bitter.

The point of church, as I've always understood it ever since I was little, is to connect with the other members of your community and help each other learn and grow and continuously become better people, to follow Jesus' teachings and LOVE people. You go to church to LEARN, and when needed, to be guided back to the right path by your pastor and/or your peers. That's literally their job. For example, most of Paul's writings. (Paraphrased: Y'all are acting crazy, stop doing that. Here's how to fix it.)

You don't have to agree with others' choices in order to love them, and something that a LOT of Christians seem to miss is: if you're not getting through to someone and you can't change their mind, let it go. The seed is planted, and there's a chance that years down the line, God will speak to that person and they'll be ready to listen. Shouting in their face (literally or figuratively) is only going to make them get defensive and shut down and push that time further away.

Anyway. No one who claims to be Christian or any kind of servant of God should be rejoicing in mass slaughter. And I've had to listen to "Christians" rant about how great and amazing the nightmare in Palestine and other Middle Eastern conflicts are, and it makes me sick. Whether you agree with them or not, people don't deserve to die like that. And if there's a member of a church who tries to implore the president to do something positive about that whole disaster, don't get pissed off with them, because they seem to understand the teachings better than you do.

I don't really consider myself Christian. I want nothing to do with that (generalized) group of people, because I have yet to meet any of them who make sense to me and can help me grow. I believe in God, I do my best to act in ways that reflects Him, but until the church starts shaping up and actually behaving with love and compassion instead of hatred, I'm not involving myself with them. It's dismal to watch and it makes my heart ache. And I can only imagine God probably feels the same way in a lot of cases.

I wasn't expecting to say this much ._. Uhh, sorry if anyone actually reads this lol Be safe and well! With love, Reggie 🤍

The lack of self-awareness is truly astounding.