#what did i do as a kid that was so bad that i deserved being sexually abused and raped for over a year and a half

[themiserablechick]

Pumpkin

mdni

Age Gap (dbf! Art), degradation, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap.) Arts also kinda pathetic

a/n I have never posted smut on here and this isn’t edited so….also it’s so much longer than the first part I got carried away I guess. If this is bad please tell me. I also have a lot of smut that’s just sitting in my drafts so if y'all want that…

Part 1

Art told everyone he’d sleep in hopefully to avoid your hand sliding down his thigh at breakfast, when he did come down to the breakfast at the hotel everyone was pretty much done eating and you were nowhere in sight. When he asked where you were your mom said that you hadn’t felt well, you’d come down later.

“Oh well I can bring her breakfast,” Art was a stupid man

When he reached your door a breakfast plate in hand and knocked you shouted “Sorry I don’t need house keeping,”

he scoffed “It’s me.”

He heard shuffling and you opened the door in your underwear and a t-shirt. Art cleared his throat

“That’s how you answer the door?”

“It’s you,” you said obviously

“Right well-uh, this is for you.”

You eyed the plate and then him “You brought me breakfast?”

Arts's face feels warm, he feels stupid or like a little kid. He has to remind himself he’s older than you. “I-yeah, your mom said you didn’t feel well.”

“Oh-“ you grab the breakfast plate

“I just wanted to sleep in, maybe sneak off to the pool,” you shrugged and looked back into the now empty suite you shared with his daughter, you turned back squinting at him. “Do you want to come in?”

His face reddens more “oh probably not-“ he saw visions of you wrapped in cigarette smoke enveloped in blue light from the pool “I think they’re waiting-“

You quirk a brow “it’s vacation no ones waiting”

You left the door open and sat on the bed he stood in the hallway for a second before closing the door behind him. He stood a good distance away from the bed like you were contagious

“Good to know you were thinking of me.” He chuckled “oh I wasn’t—“ he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I don’t know why you’re so set on denying yourself pleasure.”

He blushed slightly he felt like a high schooler “Why do you say stuff like that?”

“Because you know it’s true,”

“Your dad is a nice guy you know? He doesn’t deserve-“

“To have such a slut as a daughter?” You cut him off, setting your breakfast plate to the side

“That’s not what I was saying.”

“It’s what you meant.”

He looked down and you got up to stand across from him “why did you come up here?”

He didn’t answer.

You intruded his space your chest bumping his

“Tell me you didn’t come up here to fuck me.”

“Jesus—“ he looked to the side

“Look at me.” He turned his head and your faces were impossibly close. You leaned up to kiss him pressing your lips to his. At first he stood perfectly still his hands at his side but you took his hands in yours and guided them to the plumpness of your ass. He moaned at the feeling of his tongue running at the seam of your lips begging for entrance. His hands slid up to your hips and under your shirt at your waist.

He walked you back till your knees hit the back of the bed and you fell backward. He took off his shirt and you saw a glimpse of his face he looked pathetic like a kicked puppy. You laid back and he climbed between your legs. He kissed you like he hated you really hated you. His pumpkin. A nickname you eventually outgrew. You were born before his daughter 2 years older, and he always considered you as his own. He felt so gross. His hand reached between the two of you his fingers feeling the wet spot on your underwear.

“Are you always this wet?”

He sunk his fingers into you he felt warm,wet and tight, you whimpered at the feeling.

“I’m sorry” he said into your skin, he wasn’t apologizing for making you whimper he was apologizing for being there in the first place, for the hard-on in his pants

“Fuck- I’m sorry” he pumped deeper he moved his head under your jaw “why’d you make me do this??” He reached for the button of his pants shucking them and his boxers off “fuck why’d- you make me do this?” You just laid there unraveling he took his fingers in his mouth and sucked them clean like it was nothing

He aligned himself with you and bullied his cock into your tight hole “You’re such a slut,” his hips rocked “making me fuck you.” He talked about you like you had powers beyond him and he couldn’t help himself. You were so warm and you sucked him right in and he couldn’t remember the last time he actually fucked his wife.

“M’sorry.” You mewled clinging to him“wanted you so bad.”

It made him think about all the times he’d carried you when you were younger clinging to him— whining when he left

Art pressed his lips to yours urgently, and he reached between the two of you searching to roll your clit between his fingers. You whined and bucked against him he was already coming

“Fuck feel so good, so tight.”he dropped his head to your shoulder he sped up feeling you tighten around him “I’m gonna-fuck” he groaned he tried to pull out but long legs wrapped around his hips

“Want you to come inside.” And just like that he was gone, you felt him come inside you. Warmth spread all over. He still moved his hips urging you to finish and you did not long after. He collapsed on top of you.

After silence he spoke up “I didn’t mean to call you a slut.” He said into your shoulder

“I know.” You ran a hair through blonde hair

He leaned up and kissed your head “Love you pumpkin.”

[mattsobvimyfav]

roommates (matthew sturniolo)

pt 26 -

a/n - im so sorry for whats about to happen.

Back at school, everything had that familiar mix of chaos and routine. After settling in, Charlie, Chris, Matt, and I decided to hang out in Charlie’s dorm to unwind after the first week back. Charlie’s room was small but cozy, with twinkly fairy lights draped across the walls and throw pillows scattered over the bed and futon.

Chris was sprawled on the futon, scrolling through his phone. “Your dorm is better than mine,” he said, squinting at the lights. “I can’t believe you actually put effort into it”

Charlie rolled her eyes from where she sat cross-legged on the bed. “That’s because I’m a teenage girl and you’re a straight man. We are not the same.”

Matt sat on the floor with his back propped against the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him. I was next to him, leaning against the bed frame. “You’re both insane,” he said, tossing a small pillow in Chris’s direction. “A dorm is a dorm. Who cares?”

“You say that because you’re boring,” Chris shot back, dodging the pillow and smirking.

“Boring?” Matt raised an eyebrow, leaning forward like he was about to argue.

“Boys, stop,” I cut in, laughing. “We get it. Interior design is a heated topic. I cant imagine how it would be if you guys ever got a house together.”

Chris glances over at Matt momentarily, quick enough that I almost missed it. But then Charlie laughed and nudged me with her foot, distracting me. “Right? Now, does anyone want snacks? I have popcorn and some chocolate.”

“I’ll take chocolate,” I said quickly, and Chris immediately followed with, “Me too, but only if it’s milk chocolate.”

“You’re such a kid,” Charlie teased, getting up to grab the stash from her desk. She tossed a chocolate bar at Chris, who almost missed it.

As everyone started snacking, the conversation turned to plans for the semester. Chris was trying to convince Charlie to come to one of their hockey practices, and she kept pretending to weigh the pros and cons.

“Just come,” Chris said, leaning forward. “We’ll even let you and Y/N sit on the bench.”

“Do I look like a coach to you?” Charlie quipped.

“More like a really bad mascot,” Matt muttered, smirking as Charlie threw a pillow at him.

The room filled with laughter, and it hit me how much I’d missed this—us all being together, no stress, no big plans, just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. 

Matt and I were curled up in bed, mindlessly watching some show we’d both seen a million times before. His arm was draped around me, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on my shoulder. It was quiet, comfortable—the kind of moment I lived for.

Then, suddenly, the door burst open. Charlie stood there, tears streaming down her face, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

“Charlie?” I bolted upright, sliding out from under Matt’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer immediately, her eyes wild and red. “Did you know?” she screamed, her voice cracking.

I blinked, panic rising in my chest. “Did I know what?”

Before she could answer, Chris came rushing in behind her, his face a mix of frustration and guilt. “Charlie, stop. Let’s go. We can talk about this later,” he said, reaching out to grab her hand.

“No!” she yelled, jerking away from him. “She deserves to know! Did you know, Y/N?”

“Charlie, what the fuck are you talking about?” My voice was sharp, but I couldn’t help it. My mind was racing, trying to piece together what could possibly have her so upset.

“Get the fuck out,” Matt barked from the bed, sitting up straight now. His jaw was tight, and his eyes were blazing as he glared at Chris and Charlie.

“Matt, stop!” I snapped, turning back to Charlie. “Charlie, tell me what the fuck is going on!”

For a moment, the room was frozen in chaos. Charlie’s sobs filled the silence as Chris stood there, his hand half-reaching for her, while Matt looked ready to jump out of bed and physically remove them both.

“Y/N,” Charlie choked out, her voice barely above a whisper. “I—”

“Charlie, don’t,” Chris interrupted, his tone desperate now.

“I deserve to know!” I yelled again, my voice breaking this time. “Someone tell me what the fuck is going on right now!”

Charlie’s sobs filled the room as I stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. She wiped her face with shaky hands, her breath catching. Then, with a voice full of anger and heartbreak, she screamed:

“They’re moving to LA next week! They’ve been planning this since they hit a million. When they went to LA, that was to buy their house! Not meet with their stupid fucking manager! They lied to us!”

My heart stopped. The words hung in the air like a slap to the face. I froze, not even noticing that my breathing had quickened.

“CHARLIE!” Chris’s voice erupted, louder and angrier than I’d ever heard before. His face was red, his hands clenched into fists. “Stop it! Just fucking stop!”

But I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Matt. He wasn’t saying anything—just staring at me. His face was unreadable, a mask of guilt and frustration.

I turned to Chris, who looked just as guilty, his shoulders slumping as he avoided my gaze. Then, back to Matt.

Matt opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but no words came out. He just stared at me, his jaw clenching as he swallowed hard.

I didn’t yell. I didn’t cry. I just sat there, silent, the weight of Charlie’s words pressing down on my chest. The room felt suffocating, and the two people I trusted most had nothing to say.

I didn’t say a word. My chest felt tight, and my hands shook as I stood up. Without even looking back, I grabbed Charlie’s arm and my keys off the desk. She followed me, still sobbing, and together we bolted for the door.

“Y/N!” Matt’s voice rang out, desperate and panicked as I heard him jump off the bed and chase after us.

I didn’t stop. I didn’t even look over my shoulder. I couldn’t.

“Y/N, wait!” Matt yelled again, his footsteps growing closer.

But then, another voice cut through the chaos.

“Matt, stop!” Chris shouted, grabbing his brother by the arm just as we hit the end of the hall.

“What the hell are you doing, Chris? Let me go!” Matt barked, his voice frantic.

“No. You need to give her a second,” Chris said firmly, his tone unusually calm. “Just give her some space.”

I didn’t turn back to see if Matt listened. I couldn’t. All I could hear was Charlie’s sniffles as we ran out of the building into the freezing night air, my mind spinning so fast I thought I might collapse.

I drove in silence, gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turned white. Charlie sat beside me, her sobs the only sound in the car. The headlights cut through the darkness as I drove aimlessly for twenty minutes until we reached an empty parking lot. The coldness of the night seeped through the car windows as I put the car in park and stared ahead, the weight of the situation suffocating.

Finally, I broke the silence. “What did Chris say to you?” My voice was barely above a whisper, trembling with restrained emotion.

Charlie sniffled, wiping her face with her sleeve as she tried to calm herself enough to speak. Her voice cracked as she started. “He—he was ending it with me,” she choked out, her tone filled with anger and hurt. “He said they’re leaving next Thursday… to pursue their YouTube career full-time. They already bought a house when they went to LA.”

My heart sank as she continued, her words spilling out in a wave of pain.

“They’ve been planning this for weeks, Y/N. Weeks. And they didn’t say a goddamn thing. Chris told me they’re starting to pack on Monday and that they’re withdrawing from school before they leave. He… he just stood there and told me like it was nothing, like we were nothing!” Her voice broke, and she buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

I sat there in silence, the weight of her words pressing down on me like a crushing force. My mind raced, but I couldn’t find the words to respond. What was I supposed to say?

My phone buzzed incessantly on the console, Matt and Chris’ name lighting up the screen over and over again. I reached over and silenced it, my chest tightening with every missed call.

Charlie glanced at me through her tear-streaked face. “Did you know? Did you know about any of this?”

I shook my head slowly, my voice barely audible. “No… I didn’t know.”

The tears I had been holding back finally spilled over, and I wiped at my face furiously. The silence between us grew heavier, broken only by our quiet sobs as we sat in the car, two broken hearts lost in the cold, empty night.

After what felt like an eternity of sitting in that dark parking lot, the silence between me and Charlie was deafening, only broken by the occasional sniffle. My phone buzzed again, Matt’s name lighting up the screen like it had been doing nonstop for the past hour. I stared at it, my finger hovering over the screen, hesitating.

Finally, I let out a shaky breath and answered.

“Y/N,” Matt’s voice came through immediately, tense and urgent. “Come back. We need to talk.”

I swallowed hard, my voice quiet but steady. “Okay.” Without waiting for anything else, I ended the call.

I turned to Charlie, her face still red and tear-streaked, but her expression now tinged with exhaustion. “We should go back,” I said softly.

She nodded wordlessly, wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath. I started the car, the engine humming to life as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the school. The drive was quiet again, both of us too drained to speak.

The weight of what waited for us hung heavy in the air.

When we pulled back into the school parking lot, I turned off the car and looked over at Charlie. Her face was pale, her jaw clenched.

“Before we go in,” I said, my voice low but firm, “grab a bag. Pack it. We’re going to my house for the next week… until they’re gone.”

Charlie blinked at me, her lips trembling before she gave a small nod. “Okay,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

We walked inside together, but when we reached the hallway, we split off—Charlie heading to her dorm and me walking straight to mine and Matt’s room. My stomach twisted with every step, dread building in my chest.

When I walked into the room, Matt’s head shot up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked wrecked—like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Y/N,” he said, standing up immediately, his voice desperate. “Please, let me explain.”

I didn’t say a word, walking straight to the closet and grabbing my duffel bag. I tossed it onto the bed and started pulling my clothes out of the drawers, my movements quick and precise.

“Y/N, stop!” he exclaimed, stepping toward me. “Can you just give me five minutes? Please?”

I ignored him, grabbing my toiletries from the bathroom and shoving them into the bag.

“Y/N, don’t do this,” he pleaded, his voice breaking. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how. I was trying to figure out the right time—”

I whipped around to face him, my chest heaving. “The right time? You were going to leave in a week, Matt. A week. When were you planning to tell me? The night before you got on the plane? Or were you just going to ghost me when you got to LA?”

He flinched like I’d slapped him. “I wasn’t going to ghost you. I swear. I—I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Well, you failed,” I snapped, my voice trembling with anger. “You didn’t want to hurt me, but you let me sit here for weeks, clueless, while you planned your whole future without me.”

“I wasn’t planning it without you!” he shouted, his own frustration boiling over. “I was trying to figure out how to make it work—how to make us work.”

“Bullshit, Matt!” I yelled back, dropping the bag onto the floor. “If you wanted to make it work, you would’ve talked to me. You would’ve let me in on what was happening. But instead, you made the decision for me.”

He ran his hands through his hair, pacing the room like a caged animal. “I thought I was doing the right thing, okay? I thought—I thought maybe it would be easier for you if we just ended it.”

“Easier for me?” I repeated, my voice filled with disbelief. “You think this is easy for me? Watching the person I thought I knew plan a whole new life without me? You didn’t even give me a choice, Matt. You decided I wasn’t worth it.”

“That’s not true!” he shouted, stopping in his tracks to look at me. “You are worth it. You’re worth everything. That’s why I didn’t want to drag you into this. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“Hold me back?” I said, my voice cracking. “You’re not holding me back. You’re leaving me behind.”

Silence hung between us, thick and suffocating. I picked up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder.

“I hope LA is everything you want it to be, Matt,” I said quietly, my voice filled with pain. “But don’t pretend this was for me. This was your choice, and now I’m making mine.”

“Y/N, please,” he said, his voice desperate as he stepped in front of the door, blocking my exit. “Don’t go. Don’t leave like this.”

I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. “You already left, Matt. I’m just catching up.”

He reached out like he wanted to touch me, but I took a step back, glaring at him through my tears. “Move,” I said firmly.

For a moment, he looked like he might argue, but then his shoulders slumped, and he stepped aside.

As I walked out of the room, I heard him whisper, “I’m sorry.”

I didn’t look back.

I stormed down the hall, my bag still slung over my shoulder, my blood boiling. I didn’t bother knocking when I got to Chris’s door—I just shoved it open. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, scrolling through his phone, but when he saw me, his eyes widened.

“Y/N?” he started, standing up.

I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else. “How could you?” I shouted, slamming the door behind me. “How could you do this to Charlie? To me?”

Chris blinked, caught off guard. “Y/N, I—”

“No,” I cut him off, my voice trembling with anger. “You don’t get to explain. Do you even understand what you’ve done? You lied to me. You broke her heart. And for what? To chase some dream in LA? Was it worth it, Chris? Was it worth hurting everyone who actually gave a fuck about you?”

“Y/N, calm down,” he said, holding up his hands like he was trying to defuse a bomb.

“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down,” I snapped, stepping closer to him. “You knew what this would do to her. To us. And you still did it. You didn’t even have the decency to tell me yourself. You let Charlie find out and blow up her entire world because you’re too much of a coward to be honest.”

Chris’s jaw tightened, and he looked away. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he muttered.

“Spare me the excuses,” I spat. “You didn’t want to hurt us? Well, guess what? You did. You and Matt both. You’ve been lying to our faces for God knows how long. Pretending everything was fine when you knew you were leaving. And then you just decide to break her heart and expect what? That we’d all just be okay with it?”

“Y/N, it’s not that simple,” he said, his voice rising. “We didn’t want to hurt you guys, but this is our chance. Do you get that? This is everything we’ve worked for.”

“And what about Charlie?” I demanded. “What about me? Do we not matter? Were we just placeholders for when something better came along?”

Chris’s face twisted with guilt. “It’s not like that,” he said quietly.

“Then what is it like, Chris?” I shouted. “Explain it to me, because all I see are two selfish assholes who didn’t care enough about the people who loved them to be honest.”

He looked at me, his eyes filled with frustration and pain. “I care, Y/N. We care. But we can’t stay here forever. This is bigger than us. Bigger than you or Charlie.”

I shook my head, laughing bitterly. “You don’t get it, do you? It’s not about you leaving. It’s about how you did it. The lies. The secrets. The way you’ve treated the people who have been there for you every step of the way. You burned every bridge on your way out, Chris. And for what?”

Chris didn’t have an answer. He just stood there, his shoulders slumped, looking like he didn’t know what to say.

I turned toward the door, my chest heaving with emotion. “I hope LA is worth it,” I said coldly. “Because you’ve destroyed everything else.”

As I walked out, I heard him call my name, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t look back. I was done.

Charlie and I sat silently in the car for most of the two-hour drive home. The weight of everything that had just happened hung heavy between us, but neither of us had the energy to unpack it yet. Every now and then, I’d glance over at her. She was staring out the window, tears still streaming silently down her face. I wanted to say something—anything—but I knew she just needed space right now.

When we finally pulled into my driveway, I felt a small wave of relief. At least we wouldn’t have to deal with anyone else for a while. My dad was on a business trip, so the house was completely empty. No questions, no interruptions, just us.

We carried our bags upstairs to my room without a word. Once inside, I dropped my stuff near the closet and turned to Charlie. She sat down on the edge of my bed, her hands gripping the edge of the mattress like it was the only thing holding her together.

“Do you want water or anything?” I asked softly, breaking the silence.

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” Her voice was hoarse, barely audible.

I nodded and sat down beside her. For a few minutes, we just sat there in silence, the only sound was the faint hum of the heater.

Then, I reached for my phone, my hands trembling slightly as I opened Nick’s contact. My thumb hovered over the keyboard for a moment before I typed out two words.

“Fuck you.”

I stared at the message for a second before pressing send. There was no hesitation, no regret. I didn’t care if he responded or not. I just needed to let it out.

I showed the text to Charlie, and she let out a bitter laugh. “Good,” she muttered.

“Block them,” I said firmly, locking eyes with her.

She didn’t argue. She pulled out her phone, and together, we scrolled through our contacts, blocking Matt, Chris, and Nick. It felt final, like shutting a door we’d never open again.

When we were done, I tossed my phone onto the nightstand and leaned back against the headboard. “They don’t deserve us,” I said, my voice hard.

Charlie nodded, tears welling in her eyes again. “No, they don’t.”

We both knew it would take time to heal, but for now, all we had was each other—and that was enough.

The week passed in a blur of emptiness. Charlie and I leaned on each other, both trying to ignore the ache in our chests. But as the days ticked by, the reality of what had happened settled in. Now, it was time to go back to school, and the thought of returning to that room without Matt made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.

The drive was quiet, the car filled only with the sound of the playlist Charlie had put on. When we pulled into the school parking lot, I forced myself to grab my bag, plastering on a brave face for Charlie’s sake.

“Text me if you need anything,” she said, hugging me tightly before heading toward her own dorm.

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “You too.”

As I walked into my dorm room, the silence was deafening. Everything felt wrong. His side of the room was stripped bare—no posters, no clothes, nothing. It was like he had never been there. My chest tightened as I stepped further inside, scanning the space. That’s when I saw it.

A folded piece of paper lay on Matt’s bed, my name written on the front in his handwriting. My hands shook as I reached for it, and for a moment, I couldn’t bring myself to open it. But I had to know.

I unfolded the note, and his words stared back at me, hitting me like a tidal wave:

Y/N,

I don’t even know where to start. How do I put everything I feel into words when none of this feels real?

Leaving you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You are my home, my comfort, my safe place. But I’m not good for you—not the way I wish I could be. You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart, their whole life, and I can’t do that while I’m chasing this dream.

I know you’re angry. I know you’re hurt. And I hate myself for being the one who caused it. But please believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you. I thought maybe I could figure out a way for us to make it work, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how selfish that would be. You deserve someone who is all in, not someone who’s split between you and everything else.

I hope you know how much you mean to me. You’re not just the girl I love—you’re my best friend, my anchor. I don’t know how I’m going to do this without you, but I know you’ll be okay. You’re strong, stronger than I’ve ever been, and you’ll keep moving forward even when it feels impossible.

Please don’t think I didn’t love you enough. I loved you too much to stay and hold you back.

You're my best friend, I’ll love you forever.

-Matt

Tears blurred my vision, and I clutched the letter to my chest as I sank onto my bed. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

I wanted to scream, to rip the note apart, to yell at him for leaving me like this. But at the same time, I understood. It didn’t make it hurt any less, but I understood.

“You're my best friend, I’ll love you forever.”

The words echoed in my head, over and over, as I curled up on my bed, clutching the letter like it was the only piece of him I had left. And in reality, it was.

Tag -

@namelesssav @christmastreecake @mattsturnii @sturnrc @larnieboox88 @izzylovesmatt @tbfaptbfae @2muchofaslvt @sturnioloshottiekay @rockstarchr1s @simply-a-simper @realuvrrr @sophia-77n @christophersstar @mattscore @whoisthisdiva1

editor- @ch0llies

[lowkeyerror]

Congrats on Your Divorce

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Notes: Requested, fluff & smut, librarian!reader, divorced!Wanda, smut, fingering, thigh-riding, cunnilingus

Summary: You befriend Wanda, a regular at the library you work at, after learning about her divorce. The friendship becomes something more one day when you come over to help her with her sick kids. As your relationship progesses you even talk about buying a home together, which leads to a physical manifestation of how much you love each other.

An: It took me awhile because I got a little carried away. I hope I did your request justice 🙇‍♀��.

Masterlist

You enjoyed the mundane lifestyle that came with working at the library. There was a comfort that came with knowing that you worked in something of a community center. Being able to provide a service that for some was the highlight of their day. In this day and age having regulars at the library was a rarity, especially the adults. Kids would come after school for homework or for research purposes, but the adults were few and far between.

Technically it may have been weird that you had a favorite but you couldn’t help yourself. There was a woman named Wanda, she’d come once a week ask for a recommendation and sit there the whole day and read it.

She’d always make a comment or two on the book on her way out and it made you smile. It was good to know she appreciated your picks. Though there were other staff members she only really asked you.

When she missed one week, you found yourself discouraged. One week turned to two and so forth until it had been a month since you saw the woman.

“Y/n, it looks like your regular is back. She might need a little assistance,” one of your coworkers approaches you.

“What are you talking about?”

They give you a look that says ‘seriously’, “Ms. Recommendations, she’s in the non-fiction section looking a little worse for wear.”

You nod and make your way over to the section. There you find Wanda. Your coworker was not exaggerating. She looked so fragile as if she was just waiting for the tears to fall. She was staring at the books, but it was easy to tell that she wasn’t really reading anything.

“Looking for anything in particular,” you say softly, trying not to startle her.

She seems to snap out of her trance enough to try and answer you, “No, not today.”

It felt like she was speaking on autopilot. If it were another guest, you would’ve let her be, but this was Wanda. Perhaps it was a bit para-social but it felt like you knew her better than the average customer.

“I- I don’t mean to overstep, but are you alright?”

She lets out a tired sigh, “That obvious?”

You attempt to back track, “No… uh it’s just I haven’t seen you around in a while."

She looks away for a moment, “ Yeah, I um got a divorce. So I’ve been a hermit as of late.”

“Oh, congratulations.”

Wanda can’t help but laugh at your words, “Most people have been saying they’re sorry to hear, but congratulations? It’s kind of refreshing.”

You shrug, “Well I don’t think divorce is always a bad thing. It’s hard for sure, but it’s better than staying in a situation you don't deserve.”

“What if I was in the wrong?’ Her eyes are glued to the floor as she speaks.

“I may be overstepping again, but I doubt that's the case. You don't seem like the kind of person,” your tone doesn't make her argue, instead a look of relief crosses her face.

“I'm not,” she says taking a deep breath.

You smile at her, “Then it’s their loss.”

She smiles back at you, “I guess you’re right.”

Glad to have made her feel even a little bit better, you begin to leave the aisle she's in. You dint get far before there’s a gentle tug on your wrist. You turn back to stare into Wanda’s warm green eyes.

She’s nervous as she speaks, “I don’t know if I’m too old to be doing this, but fuck it. I could really use a friend right now and I was wondering if you’d be open to getting coffee or something, whenever you’re free.”

You stare at her for a few seconds before nodding, “I’m off in about 15 minutes, there’s a café a few blocks over that I think everyone should try at least once.”

Her excitement builds up in her features. She clears her throat to hide it, “I’ll wait for you by the YA novels?”

“Sounds perfect.”

From that day on Wanda wasn’t just a regular customer anymore, she was your genuine friend. She was also one of the sweetest people you had ever met in your life. She was unbelievably strong too.

The details of her divorce were quite messy. A touch of infidelity here and there, mixed with a custody agreement was a recipe for disaster.

You always offered to be there in any way you can’t for. She usually turns down your more serious offers for help, and sticks to fun small outings. You can tell that she’s somewhat embarrassed by her situation, but you don’t think there’s anything she should be embarrassed about.

“Y/n, I know I said I was free to go out today, but Tommy is sick and Billy isn’t doing that great either, can I give you a rain check?”

She called you and you could hear the tiredness and distress in her voice, “Let me come over and help you, Wands. Two sick kids is rough work, I know you could use a hand.”

She’s silent on the line, but the coughs and sinus filled conversation doesn’t stop.

Wanda sighs, “Okay, do you think you can bring me some medicine? I’ll text you some ingredients I need for soup too if that’s alright?”

“Whatever you need, I’ll see you in a bit,” you say simply.

You follow through on your word picking up various cough, cold, and fever medicines along with some cough drops. You nearly forget about the stuff for the soup, until Wanda texts you something she left off the ingredient list. After picking up everything you head to her house.

You’d been to her house before, but never when her kids were there. You had seen them with her a few times at the library, but back then you didn’t quite deduce that they were her children. It feels so obvious now, but Wanda was definitely a young mom in your opinion, or at least she looked like one.

You rang the doorbell and waited with the groceries in your hand. It took a moment but eventually the door swung open revealing Wanda. Though your hands were full, she’s the one who had bags under her eyes. She looked as though she would fall over any second.

“You’re a godsend Y/n,” she tries to take the bags from your hands but you don’t let her.

“And you’re sick too, here I figured this would happen,” you rummage through the bags and pull out a medicine that’s for adults.

“It’s drowsy.”

You nod, “I know, I figured you need the rest anyway, let me handle its.”

Wanda shakes her head, “Are you crazy? You think you can handle my two kids and me on your own?”

You smile at her, “You underestimate me, Maximoff. Let me show you what I can do.”

“We’ll see, but first come meet them properly.”

You sit the bags down in the kitchen, opting to take the medicine upstairs with you. She takes you to their room.

Tommy is propped up in his bed watching as Billy plays videogames from his spot on the floor.

“Tommy, Billy, this is my friend Y/n. She’s going to help us out today,” Wanda introduces you.

“The library lady,” Billy sounds congested as he speaks.

You nod your head enthusiastically, “ Yep, that’s me. I heard you boys were sick, so I brought some stuff to make you feel better.”

Tommy gags, “Ew medicine.”

You sympathize with him, “Ew is right, but it’s worth it I promise. In fact, I’ll sweeten the deal, you guys take your medicine, and I’ll make you the best soup of your life in return.”

“Better than mom’s?” Billy questions.

“ 1 million times better,” you egg him on.

Tommy is more hesitant, “I don’t know.”

You get closer to him, crouching so you can meet his level, “How about when you’re feeling better, we go out to the arcade and get some ice cream too.”

That seems to be enough for the boy, “That sounds awesome.”

While you’re chatting with them Wanda starts to prepare the medicine cups for the boys. They take the medicine with all the dramatics that children do.

“Ok, we’ll be back to check on you guys, shortly. Billy, get some socks baby. Tommy stay under the covers sweetheart."

The both of you exit the room and head back down the stairs. Wanda moves to start unloading the groceries, but you stop her.

“If you’re not going to fully rest, at least sit. I can make the soup,” you point to the barstools she has in her kitchen.

“Are you sure? I can help-"

You block her from opening the next bag. She looks into your gaze, which holds no feeling of malice or resentment. Instead she finds a warn and tender look behind your eyes.

“I’ve got it.”

She listens to your directions and takes a seat

She watches as you prep the ingredients, ever so often asking where she keeps certain things. Otherwise there is a fluid motion to your movements in the kitchen.

“You know you don't have to take them to the arcade just because they took the medicine, right?”

You pause slightly from chopping vegetables to look up at her, “I probably should’ve asked if it was okay with you first, but I don’t mind taking them. They seem like good kids, which isn’t a surprise at all considering they’re your kids.”

She beams at your words, “They’re a little more docile in this state, but they can be a handful at times. We haven’t really had a big outing like that since the divorce, I’m sure they’d appreciate it.”

“Then consider it done, as soon as they’re better let me know. We can all go out and have some fun.”

Wanda can’t help the feeling she gets hearing you talk so nonchalantly about going out with her kids. It’s something like a spark, that she hasn’t felt in a long time. She takes this time to really look at you, you’re stunning. Truth be told Wanda had always found you a little attractive, but she wrote it off as you just being conventionally good looking. However now, with you standing in her kitchen cooking for her and her kids. She’s starting to think it’s more than that.

“Do you like children, Y/n?”

“I have a soft spot for kids, it’s partially why I chose to work at the library. I had kind of a rough upbringing as a kid. It was just me and my mom, and money wasn’t all that great, but I remember her taking me to almost all the community events they hosted at the library. We spent a lot of time there. When I was old enough to go on my own, it was rare that I didn’t go. The library is such a haven for kids it’s one of my favorite things about it.”

Wanda felt herself melting under the sincerity of your words, “That’s really sweet.”

You start cooking down the vegetables before you answer, “Yeah, if I wasn’t so crazy about the library, I would’ve been a chef. I actually applied to a few culinary schools in high school, pretty ambitious but I had won a few competitions. I had offers and full ride scholarships to some of the best schools out there, but I chose to become a librarian instead.”

Wanda tilts her head to the side playfully, “So you weren’t just talking shit when you said you’re going to make a soup 1 million times better than mine.”

You laugh, “Technically I’m using the ingredients that you told me to get, so it’s more like our soup. I’m just tweaking a few measurements and cooking it a little different. It’s like a group project, if you will.”

Wanda laughs even harder, “You’re so full of shit.”

“Language, there are children present.”

Wanda rolls her eyes, “They’re upstairs."

“Children have super good hearing Wanda, trust me, I’m a librarian.”

She shakes her head with a small chuckle. She watches as the soup comes together a lovely aroma fills the kitchen, her mouth waters at just the smell.

“It smells delicious.”

You motion her over to the stove next to you. She scurries over, which makes you smile. She looks utterly adorable and ethereal at the same time. You began to notice it over the last few times you had hung out. Wanda was simultaneously the cutest and the most beautiful woman, you think you’d ever met in your life

“Taste,” you hold a spoon full of soup up for her.

She hesitates a little, but decides to just eat from the spoon while you hold it. Her eyes close as the flavors dance on her tongue. She lets out an involuntary moan, that has her blushing as soon as it leaves her mouth.

“Oh my god, that’s the best soup I’ve ever had in my life,” Wanda stares at you in awe.

“I hope the boys think so too.”

Wanda helps you fill the bowls for them, “They’re going to love it.”

True to her words the boys devour the soup going as far as to ask for seconds. Neither of you can deny them another bowl. Once they eat, you can see the food working in tandem with the medicine to tucker them out. Before they’re completely out of it you and Wanda get them ready for bed.

It feels more normal than either of you expected. By the time you’re done, both twins are now in bed. The tv plays something at a low volume, but you and Wanda are both aware that the kids will likely be asleep as soon as you leave the room.

When you leave you head back to the kitchen fixing 2 more bowls of soup for Wanda and yourself. You eat amongst each other with small chatter, but it’s comfortable. When you’re done, you almost have to fight Wanda to allow you to do the dishes.

She pouts, once again sitting at the barstool watching you clean.

“You haven’t let me help this whole time,” she whines.

“I’m here to help you, not the other way around,” you remind her.

Wanda places her hands on her hips, “But if you’re doing everything, what am I supposed to do?”

“Just sit there and look pretty,” you say without thinking.

Wanda feels her face heating up, losing track of how many times it has happened today alone, “Look pretty, huh?”

You can feel your ears heating with embarrassment, “oh I- well.”

“Oh my god are your ears turning red, that’s literally adorable. Are you flustered, Y/n?” Wanda teases.

You glare at her with faux-anger, “My ears? Your cheeks are just as red.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about?”

You wash your hands, quickly drying them before approaching her. You keep walking until there is virtually no space between the two of you. You look down at her, you don’t stop your eyes from dropping to her lips.

“Oh really?”

She looks up at you, her cheeks indeed, red like you had mentioned.

“And if they were?”

“Maybe I’d say that it’s adorable,” you use her words against her. “Or maybe…”

“Maybe what?” Her eyes dart to your lips.

You look back into her eyes, “Maybe, I’d kiss you.”

“I’d like that.”

That was all you needed to hear. She met you halfway and, in an instant, you were kissing. Your hand rested on the small of her back, while her hands locked around your neck. It was cliché but it was cute. The kiss itself was respectable, but still filled with a feeling of longing.

Wanda’s hands drop from your neck to lightly push you back, “I’m divorced with two kids Y/n-"

You stop her before she can even rant, “I know, Wanda. I’ve been here, maybe not the whole time, but most of it. I don’t care that you’re divorced and I’d love to get to know your kids. I’d love to get to know you better.”

“I feel like you already know me, Y/n. We’ve been friends for over a year now. We’ve spent so much time together, I’m just surprised you’re not tired of me yet.”

You take her hands in yours, “I could never get tired of you. I’m quite literally asking for more. Let me take you out some time.”

“Are you sure?”

It’s bold, but you place a quick kiss on her lips, “Positive."

From there things just seem to fall into place. You kept your promise to the boys, taking them out when they recovered from their sickness. Wanda was impressed by how well you mingled with them considering her ex always seemed to struggle to relate. However you, had no problem tapping into that childlike like amazement that the kids felt.

Soon after that outing, you and Wanda went on your first real date. You took her out to a nice restaurant. It was an upscale establishment, the prices weren’t even on the menu. Wanda tried to fret about how she didn’t know if she deserved this kind of treatment, but you always reassured her.

You believe she deserved the best and as long as you could give it to her you would.

It only took 4 dates before you asked her to be you girlfriends, not being the best at waiting. Luckily for you she agreed and truth be told if you would’ve asked her on the first date she probably would’ve said yes then.

At this point you’ve been dating for a little over a year. The twins are with their father for the weekend, and Wanda is staying over at your apartment.

The two of you are on the couch. She’s resting in your arms as you watch tv, “Wanda.”

She looks up, “Yes, detka.”

“How attached are you to your house?”

Her eyebrows furrow, “Why?”

You hold her gaze, “Is it crazy if I say that I want us to live together?”

Wanda plays with your fingers, “No, I don't think so.”

You kiss her forehead, “It’s just a thought.”

“You want to buy a house?”

You nod curtly, “We don't have to leave the area, I know the boys have school and I wouldn't want to pull them away or make them start fresh or anything, but I’ve been looking at some homes in the area. Something a little bigger, Billy and Tommy could both have their own room and a huge backyard. Maybe a dog, in the future.”

Wanda cups your face gently, pulling you down to kiss her, “I would love to buy a home with you Y/n.”

“Really?”

Wanda kisses you again, “Really.”

“I love you,” your eyes softening as the words fall from your lips.

“I love you too.”

Your lips are connected again, this time neither of you break the kiss. Instead Wanda shifts in your lap to straddle your waist. Her hands playing with the tiny hairs on the back of your neck. Your hands start at her thigh but end up sliding up to her hips, and soon your fingers are in contact with the cool skin of her stomach.

You aren’t able to stop yourself from kissing down her jaw. She moves her hair and cranes her neck to give you more access. Your teeth sink into her neck only for your tongue to soothe the skin. You suck the spot tenderly, causing little whines to emanate from Wanda.

“Y/n,” your name is breathless on her lips.

She doesn't have to say anything else for you to stand up with her still in your arms. You carry her to the bedroom. Once you’re in there and her feet are on the floor, you pull her shirt off. Yours follows after.

Wanda feels herself getting wet under your gaze. The way you take in her bare chest, eyes blown with want. While you stare she gets rid of the rest of her clothes. You eagerly do the same.

You pull her flush against your body. Skin heating upon contact.

“You’re perfect,” your thumb toys with one of her nipples.

Your head dips to take it into your mouth. You suck lightly, ever so often slowly fanning your tongue over the nipple. You do the same to the other nipple, while your hand cups her warmth. You moan at her wetness.

“ I need you,” she whispers.

You kiss her tenderly, backing her onto the bed. You’re gentle as you ease two fingers into her. She arches her back slightly, and her kiss becomes sloppier.

You’re in no rush as you slowly build pace. Her finger nails dig into your back.

“More please,” she buries her head in your neck.

You begin pumping at a faster pace, using your thumb to stimulate her clit. Her ragged breaths in your ear only turn you on even more.

You jolt as you feel her hand in-between your legs. Her fingers play through your folds and you hear her gasp in your ear.

“All for me baby?”

You nod, “All for you, Wands. Can I taste you, baby?”

“Fuck,” Wanda murmurs.

She pulls her fingers from you, signaling for you to suck them. You take them in your mouth, swirling you tongue around the digits, high off of your own taste.

Once her fingers exit your mouth, you maneuver down her body. You momentarily take your fingers out of her. She doesn’t have time to complain before you’re sucking on her clit.

“Holy shit,” she entangles her hands through your hair.

You keep eye contact with her as you lick, suck, and slurp her pussy. She throws her head back, taking her lip between her teeth. You can see sweat illuminating her body.

Soon you add your fingers back and you can feel her approaching her edge.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” she keeps repeating the mantra as she reach her peak.

You don’t stop when she cums on your tongue, only slowing your motions, to help her come back down.

“You did so good for me baby,” you say kissing up to her lips.

She shifts so her thigh is against your dripping cunt, “Your turn, my love. Use me.”

You see her flex her thigh, which causes you to moan, “Fuck, Wanda.”

Your hands rest on her shoulder as you begin to grind down on her. Her hands are on you, but the movements are all yours. Wanda watches with blown eyes as you fuck yourself on her thigh. Her hands climb up your sides to massage your breasts. You bite your lip as her fingers play with your nipples.

Wanda sits up slightly, just enough to get her mouth on your body. She sucks on near the top of your breasts, trailing hickeys across.

“I love it when you make a mess on my thigh, cum for me, moya lyubov.”

You cum all over her thigh. Her arms wrap around your midsection holding you steady as you shake. Her head rests against your chest, listening to your wild heart beat return to normal. She places a delicate kiss on your shoulder.

“I love you.”

You kiss the top of her head, “I love you too.”

Once you’re both cleaned up, you settle in bed for the night. You’re start out as the big spoon but soon Wanda turns to face you.

“I was so scared before you came into my life,« she admits.

“Wanda-"

She shakes her head, “Let me finish. I was so lost, I didn't know what to do, if there was anything I could do to feel like myself again. There were so many days I went through thinking I was unlovable. Then you show up, and all of those feelings and thoughts just leave. I’ve never felt so cared for. You make me remember all of the things I love about myself. You make love seem so easy, it feels obvious when you’re with me. I’ve never experienced a love like you’ve given me and I need you to know I love you too. I’ve never felt what I feel for you with anyone else.”

Wanda starts out loud and sure, but by the end her voice is quiet. She doesn’t break eye contact, fighting against her insecurities.

Her words make emotion swell inside of you. Your voice cracks when you speak, “You are the love of my life. I was doing alright before, but you and the boys are truly everything I’ve been missing in my life. Getting to be with you, a part of your family, it means everything to me Wanda. Thank you, for letting me love you.”

There are no more words shared between the two of you. Wanda kisses you with everything she is feeling and you return her fervor. She pecks you again before burying her head in your chest. You hold her tightly in your arms wondering how you ended up being so lucky.

[cc-cobalt-1043]

Hiding Food:

Requested by @sky-marbles

Knuckles and Tails had been staying at the Wachowski house for a couple of weeks now and Maddie couldn't help but notice a few off things about Tails.

For one he was incredibly skittish and quiet, he also behaved absolutely perfectly doing absolutely anything to not get into trouble, Maddie and Tom were both concerned by this, Tails' good behaviour may seem like a parents dream but it worried Tom and Maddie, kids his age were supposed to energetic, boisterous and talkative.

Yet Tails one none of these things, he hardly ever engaged with anyone outside of the family, he was very quiet often just sitting in the background and hardly ever piping up with his own opinions.

When they'd eat Tails always complimented and ate everything he was given, yet he never allowed himself to have seconds no matter how much he seemed to like his food.

More than once he seemed to want seconds but when he was asked he politely declined saying "he didn't need more" instead of "I don't want more" two similar phrases but very different meanings.

Additionally he startled extremely easily, only a couple of days Knuckles knuckles dropped a plate and he let out and braced himself as though he was waiting for some kind of telling off even though he hadn't been doing anything at the time.

All of these signs gave Tom and Maddie cause for concern about how the fox kit had been treated by his peers, from the little Sonic had told her he'd been ostracised from his village for his extra tail but even Sonic wasn't sure just how bad it really had been.

They'd both talked about trying to get Tails to open up about his past but weren't sure how to approach it.

The final straw however came after a month of Tails and Knuckles moving in.

Maddie had been cleaning Sonic and Tails' now shared bedroom when she noticed something strange

Looking under Tails' bed she saw several bits of food, food that had strangely disappeared from the pantry a couple of days ago.

Confused about why Tails would need to hide food under his bed she put it back where it all originally was and finished tidying the bedroom.

A couple of hours later laughter filled the house as Sonic and Tails came back from one of their bros bonding walks.

Maddie walked over to them smiling warmly.

"Hey boys, have fun?" Maddie asked.

Both boys nodded smiling.

"Glad to hear." Maddie smiled.

She knelt down to their height.

"Tails sweetheart, can we talk upstairs for a moment?" She asked.

Tails nodded nervously, his tails dropping nervously behind him.

The two headed upstairs and sat down on Sonic's bed.

"Tails, I've noticed you've been incredibly nervous lately, I thought you were just acclimating but I'm really worried now sweetheart, also I was tidying your room and I noticed several bits of food under your bed, you don't need to hide food honey, if you want a snack you can just tell me." Maddie said.

Tails bottom lip bobbled and suddenly the fox burst into tears.

"Tails, pumpkin what is it?" Maddie asked scooping the fox kit into her arms, rubbing circles on his back.

"Why are you calling me what, why are you being so nice to me." Tails hiccupped, looking at her with glassy cyan eyes.

"Because you love being called pumpkin, because you deserve to be treated with kindness, just like Sonic and Knuckles." Maddie said.

Tails wiped his eyes trying to stop the flow of tears but they just continued.

"Tails, I know you probably won't believe me when I say it but I do care for you, we all do, if there's something bothering you all you have to do is say so." Maddie said soothingly stroking his back making the fox deflate as he cuddled into her.

"I'm sorry for hiding food here." Tails sniffed.

"It's alright butterscotch but why, if you wanted something all you had to do was take it from the pantry or ask me." Maddie said.

Tails frowned before speaking in a hushed voice.

"Sonic already told you about my village didn't he?" Tails asked.

"He did." Maddie nodded.

"Well, I often had to store food because it was hard to get out in the forest near my village, and whenever I needed food from the village they'd chase me out saying freaks like me didn't deserve their food." Tails said a couple of muffled sobs escaping him.

Maddie hugged the fox tightly.

"Oh pumpkin I had no idea, but you don't need to worry about it that here, if you want food all you need to do is ask, and you can take whatever you want from the pantry too, that's free for you boys to use whenever you want." Maddie said.

Tails nodded and looked up at her.

"What about seconds?" Tails asked nervously.

"Off you can have seconds if you want them honey, in fact I encourage it, growing boys like you need a lot of food to grow up big and strong." Maddie said.

They sat in silence for a moment before Maddie spoke up.

"I'd better get tea started, how does Spaghetti and meatballs sound pumpkin?" She asked.

"So great!" Tails exclaimed his tails wagging in delight.

Maddie chuckled and got up still holding Tails in her arms.

"Cmon pumpkin, let's get tea ready." Maddie said heading down to the kitchen with Tails.

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[hauntingblue]

Alucard becomes a father, belmont dies and hector and lenore have a tragic ending???? Alright

[hearts401]

raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."

people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!

[maximusboltaqon]

ok picture this. an ahura luna leer petras alecto comic set during/immediately after doti where the kids are like. Huh Haven't Heard From Mom In A While. n they gotta go figure out why gorgon isnt returning their calls and then get swept up into the Holy Shit bc they get to attilan somehow and see how completely destroyed it is. i havent thought of it much past that but cue the looking for dad typical comic. and thats whag i want for the inhumans rn. i crave a 2nd gen (? if the kids can count as that) centric comic so bad :(

[running-in-the-dark]

a short list of 'fun' things my mother has done, for the next time I forget what she's really like

the one time she was supposed to pick me up from a friend's house (less than 20 minutes away), my friend and I were a little late getting back to her place because our train was late. I would've been 13 or 14, and I couldn't call my mother because neither of us had money/credit on our phones. when we arrived at my friend's house, her parents told me that my mother had been there and waited a few minutes, but then said she had a toothache so she left. we were maybe 20 minutes late. it was a Friday but we had school every second Saturday, so it was a school night.

I was supposed to go to her friend's wedding with her when I was 11 or 12. she was supposed to pick me up at my dad's place where I lived, and I was alone, so I walked our dog before she was supposed to be there. I was in a hurry, so I forgot my keys, but I thought it was fine because she was supposed to be there any minute. she showed up three hours later. it was winter, there was snow. I think I eventually broke a small part of a window at the back of the house so I could get in because I got really worried about my dog - that was right before she showed up though, so we'd been outside in the snow for hours and it was already getting dark by that point.

her, my brother and I were on the way to a dentist appointment, I think I was maybe 13. she stopped somewhere to run an errand. my brother got out of the car and kept shaking the car really hard the entire time she was gone. he didn't stop when I asked him to and eventually I got upset. when she came back, I told her what he had done and that he wouldn't stop. she told me to be quiet and stop being difficult, I was upset and said that's not fair, she slapped me in the face. my lip was bleeding. we were driving through the village where my dad and I lived, but she refused to stop the car and let me get out. I refused to go to the appointment because my lip and shirt were bloody.

didn't take me to a doctor when I fell on my head and most likely had a concussion

didn't take me to a doctor when I twisted and probably sprained my ankle falling down some stairs and couldn't walk for over a week

once pretended she left me and my brother behind in a small town because we were walking too slowly (we were maybe 3-5 years old) and actually got in the car and drove off (she came back after a few minutes but it still terrified me)

yelled at me when I didn't immediately understand how to knit when she tried to teach me (I was about 6)

made me copy 4 pages of text into the about me section of my friendship/poetry book (that you let your friends write stuff in) because what I wrote wasn't good enough

explained to me that I didn't need to be scared of airplanes because of crashes because those are rare - no, I should be scared of them being kidnapped by terrorists instead (I was 4 or 5)

immediately after that: explained what prostitution is and that it's important so that men don't rape women and children (again, I was like FIVE. the news were on the radio and I didn't know what the word meant so I asked.)

one time my art teacher told her at a parents evening that she (my mother) was just jealous of me because I was young and so different from her and that's why she treated me that way and didn't like me. she thought that was hilarious and immediately told me about it when she came home. she just found it sooo funny and ridiculous. I'm still not sure if she made it up, but tbh both options (it really happened or she made it up) would be weird as hell.

[notetaeker]

Wow I was so unappreciative of my own accomplishments when I was in college. I'm trying to put together a portfolio and it turns out I wrote 5 whole news articles for the school paper ???

[lloydfrontera]

mmgghh imagine julian having a zoe murphy from deh style breakdown as he tries to reconcile the brother he remembers, the one that abused him for years and years on end, that never brought him anything but pain, that would beat him up for the slightest provocation, with the one that meets him at the academy, the one that saved a city, the one that is working relentlessly to save their family from ruin, the one that defends him from bullies and tells him it was never his fault that others harassed him

just. julian getting to express the rage and confusion and conflicted emotions that would come with the person that abused him for years changing completely out of nowhere and turning into the older brother he'd always wanted.

so don't tell me i didn't have it right don't tell me it wasn't black and white after all you put me through don't say it wasn't true that you were not the monster that i knew

[itsalwaysdark]

and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do

[trust-over-love]

The conversation sucked but was so what I needed. I was asked to respect his decision to move on. & I asked for the respect to not have sex anymore. Because I love my husband & it makes it harder for me to move on. I was being cordial, not trying to fight. But instead of saying okay & ending the conversation I get shit talked about me. Like what?

I want to move on peacefully as well, just as he requested & not having sex with someone I love who no longer loves me back makes me wrong? So much negative things being said to me. When the convo could’ve been so short. Just crazy. Proves me how toxic he truly is.

But the conversation was needed for me to understand that I am not the only one who messed up. I was lied to & made to believe we’d always work through it & always get stronger through our downfalls. I mean I literally got all the proof of his betrayal, but to him it was nothing & I’m the bad guy. He told me to stay when I should’ve left & now he denies it lmao Okay. We both messed up. Take accountability as I have. I was willing to always try & you lied about never giving up & always trying & that divorce was never an option. Thanks for showing me your true colors. Even showing me how much of a snitch he is by threatening me with law enforcement like really. Thank you for the push. I’m with our kids 85% of the time cause you work a lot & that’s okay I understand that but you threaten to try to get me in trouble with the law. Fake AF. So unbelievable but it’s okay. Thank god I didn’t decide to go back to that place when you asked me to for our kids. I knew it wasn’t gonna be a good idea & I’m so thankful I stuck to my gut feeling.

& he’s mad I use this app to vent instead of talking to people & posting on apps where people know us. Don’t nobody know me here. Don’t nobody even care. You left me, you can’t dictate how I heal myself from being fooled. Crazy how the truth unfolds when things get rough.

[autumnrory]

not enough people write stucky being married/having kids tbh

[butiknowiloatheyou]

the isolation is really really getting to me like reaching out to the few friends i have to distract myself/not be alone/remember that it’s not still happening/etc etc and getting no response. i want to be put down.

[timeisacephalopod]

Ended up calling CAS (Canadian CPS Americans) and I did not expect to have complicated feelings on such a thing because it's not as if the call wasn't needed years ago if I'm honest, but I typically do not like involving myself in such things especially when so many people make frivolous calls to cops and agencies like this. Seriously, child abuse is the crime that receives the most false accusations and of course I'm not talking out my ass, but I also don't want to disrupt a bunch of kids lives over their mothers bullshit.

On the flip side me messing around with their lives at this point is probably the best option for them and that's not something I say lightly, I told the guy twice I was making that call with a heavy heart but what little I know is deeply disturbing to me. And specified that I believe my oldest niece is the primary victim in part because she's a vocal kid, good for her. But that's done, I can at least know I tried for those kids and did what I could to make myself sound credible and give what info I know even if I made it clear that I don't know probably anything really. But I'm tired of waiting for change from someone who isn't capable of it. Those kids need better, it's not like I didn't wait 13 years for her to do better by those kids. It's not like I said anything untrue to anyone involved either, so complicated feelings or not know I didn't just run around making nasty frivolous phone calls. I'm genuinely concerned my oldest niece will end up dead and that the only thing done about it on shitheads end will be protecting my nieces murderer and if I did nothing about that I'd never be able to live with it.