#what changed my mind is that i picked a hobby as a career and college ruined any and all fire i had in me. i don't wanna know what a job

[eerna]

at 16 I saw Yato's "don't stress about picking the perfect career because doing something you don't wanna do is part of having a job" and felt comforted, at 19 I was like "man, he has no idea what he's talking about, if you pick a hobby for your career you won't work a day in your life!!" and now at 24 I am back to the first one but in a "YEAAAAH DON'T DREAM OF LABOR SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACKKKKK" way

[kiefbowl]

so happy you're changing careers, i always hoped you'd be able to do something more exciting :) i admire how these things don't seem to intimidate you, because to me the job market is terrifying lol

if you don't mind me asking what did you go to school for, and would you have picked something different nowadays?

Film and Video, and maybe I would have. I think my time at college was not well mentored, a realization I had throughout college as I met more people who had parents, teachers, etc. who helped prep them for their time in college (for better or for worse) and as the vision of what I was "supposed" to be doing in college came into clearer focus. When you're six months from graduating, kind of terrifying if I'll be real! But I'm 1000% positive my story is not unique. If I had been better prepared to be a student trying to gain experience to enter the job market, I would have probably studied something else OR I would have used my time better in my degree to actually prepare for that career. I probably could have been happy doing video things, it's just by the time I was close to graduating, the idea of hustling when I never really hustled before terrified me out of trying. In retrospect, I probably could have done it with more support and, as I said, mentorship. There's also so little of the world you know, that sometimes the things you learn you could be doing, it's the eleventh hour in your second semester senior elective. How was I supposed to know people could study classics and launch that into a career of teaching or museum curation if I'm just learning about it now studying greek and latin roots in my etymology class for funsies?

I think we send kids off to college much much much too soon. I wish we had a culture, infrastructure to allow under 25 year olds to do odd jobs while building their social circle and prioritizing partying, traveling, having fun. In my dream world, a 19 year old could work part time as a barista, pay for an apartment with a roomie, spend time doing whatever weird theater/art/music career they think they want, have time to get into politics at a local level, and start putting money away for retirement, and just doing fuck all so that they can think about what they want to do and experience some real life decisions. They can learn "oooh I like customer service but I hate retail" or "oooooh music is something I want to do as a hobby, and playing shows sucks assssss" or "oooooh this internship at my mom's work isn't so bad, I'm not afraid of an office" or "ooooooh this intership at my mom's office sucks asssssss and I wonder what life on a boat is like" or w/e.

Then when you understand the value of money a little better, have a clearer idea of how you want to spend your life, you can go to college if it suits you.

[alarnasubs]

RANT

(i’m basically using this app as a journal lmao)

I have way too many things to think about as a 41🔄 year old girl. Tell me why society expected me, at 13 years old, to pick GCSE options that align with my future career path, or to even know what my future career path is. I’m lucky that i’m still interested in what i chose, because most of the people in my classes are long bored of them.

Coming from a relatively poor area too— actually, not relatively, it IS poor, it’s a lower-class area. I have so little opportunities to actually do something with my life, and all the kids around me seem to have given up on theirs, and I as an individual have to find a way to work around it, to still make the most of the hand I’ve been dealt.

I have no allowance, so I need a job to save money for my future, or to simply spend it on things that I want that could improve my fitness or my school work— the only two things i care about. And I have even less money, since i’m not the only one that bloody spends it.

My brother’s nicked at least £20 off me, without telling me or anyone, and my mum’s took another 20 quid off me too, to pay for parking, or something. I don’t really care about my mum spending my money, because she pays me back but my lying, snivelling cunt of a little brother doesn’t make any money, therefore can’t pay me back. he’s my half-brother, we don’t live together, see him like once a week and we’re not even that close. anyway, I haven’t seen him since i found out he’s stole money.

However, ignoring my woes of thievery, I haven’t got a job. I’ve begged and i’ve begged my mum to help me look, because it’s seriously important to me that I get one, but my mum is constantly busy, and she never has the time for anything I want. Not that I blame her or anything, I just wish that she’d spend time looking at stuff for me, instead of making me beg until she starts yelling at me— but that’s the only way she ever remembers, if i’m constantly telling her. I tried looking myself, but I need to contact my council to see what jobs are available in my area for people my age, and honestly I couldn’t do that myself if i tried. My mums busy with my brother though, because the spaz can’t look at colleges or internships himself. God, at least I tried looking for jobs, my brother just leaves it all for my mum to do, and it pisses me off, because he’s not only inconveniencing my mum by doing it but me, because it’s not like he’s the only one that needs things done. And he likes to act like he’s got everything planned out, but he doesn’t seem at all serious about his future when it actually comes to it. I don’t know what kind of fantasy land he lives in, but if he doesn’t get his shit together soon he’s going to be too late to apply for the colleges he wants to get into.

I want to look for fashion internships myself, and I’ve been planning to, but i forget anything ‘non-academic’ that I don’t set a reminder for.

Besides that, I also want to transfer schools, into a grammar school. my current school, situated in the shittiest area I’ve honestly ever visited (although to be fair, all of my old friends were well off, so all their areas were pretty fancy), if you can imagine, just isn’t the best place in the world, so I want to change to somewhere where i believe that people will hold more similar values to me academically, and hold students to a higher standard, as even the top sets in my school seem way too easy now. i’m honestly bored out of my mind. That’s going to take more begging from me, as my mum is the only one that can do that, again. The restrictions of being a minor are painful.

And obviously, I still want to do hobbies. Like ballet and figure skating, mostly.

So all together I’ll have to somehow balance studying, hobbies, work and possibly seriously adjust my sleep schedule since i’ll most likely be having to get up at ungodly hours to get to school on time when transferred. Although, that won’t be some huge, transformative adjustment since I already wake up at 6 am anyway.

Rant over. this feels like it should be privated.

[ortegajasmin]

Blog Post #1

Hi, my name is Jasmin Ortega and I am an 18 years old. I am hispanic as is the rest of my family, my mother was born in NYC as well and had lived there her whole life while my father was born in a small village in Mexico, he eventually moved to NYC in his early teens where he met my mom. My name origin is extremely basic and unoriginal and does not have a specific or meaningful origin, my parents just chose it because they liked the sound of it and thought it was nice. If I had the chance to change my name to a fictional character I would probably pick the name Diana, taken from the fictional superhero Wonder Woman, Diana is Wonder Woman's real name. The reason why I would choose this name is because of how important Wonder Woman is in the DC, she is one of the titular characters in the Justice League being one of the founding characters alongside Batman and Superman. 

High school was a bit of a blur for me. I remember that my first day of high school was very anticlimactic and nothing like the movies. I went in extremely nervous to be in a whole new world with a lot of older kids and honestly speaking the first day was a little overwhelming by how many people there were and how big the school was, but after the first day I got used to it and was pretty bored by it. I actually did not go to school on the last day, I had graduated the day before and I decided not to end up going on the actual last day. On my physical last day of school I did not do much but get ready for graduation and say goodbye to my favorite teacher one last time. My favorite moment of high school would usually be when whenever I had gym on specific days and was able to go out with the class and meet up with my friends in the other gym class, it always made the class period that much better.  My least favorite moment would have to be when I had a falling out with an old friend from middle school, leading us to never speak again. If I could do it all over again I would probably go about it by putting myself out there more and trying to make more friends and by also trying for more extra curricular activities. 

 Currently, I am in my freshman year of college, in my second semester and my major is Psychology. Truthfully speaking, I chose this major because of a crime tv show called Law and Order: SVU. The show is about detectives solving cases revolving sex crimes, occasionally on the show they would have a psychiatrist come on to the show and give his professional opinion on the cases and criminals to help solve the crimes. Watching this show and the psychiatrist work to identify motives and reasonings behind a criminal and their crimes was fascinating. This essentially led to my interest in true crime and the way criminals' minds work, it also led to my interest in the human mind as a whole and why we do what we do or feel the way we do. With this major one specific career path I am interested in is of course a criminal psychologist, the other career path would be a child therapist. What essentially inspired me for both of these careers is my want to understand the mind and how it works for specific groups of people as well as helping those who need it. 

I unfortunately do not participate in any recreational activities, I never got into them when I was younger and so I never gained an interest in them when I got older. For my interests and hobbies I would say I have pretty basic ones like reading, playing video games, spending time with my family, listening to music, and watching movies and shows, but if I had to pick a semi interesting interest it would have to be taking pictures of the sky. I never miss the chance to take a photo of the sky, day or night, when it looks pretty and memorable. The main reason for this is because I think it is something that is nice to look at and look back on. 

The last movie I watched was Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones and the last show I watched was a rewatch of Cobra Kai. For movie and tv show recommendations it would be The Boys on Amazon, That 70s Show, Teen Wolf (mainly season 3), Back to the Future, Ready Player One, and Scott Pilgrim vs the World. My favorite film and show are both from my recommendations, The Boys and Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Both pieces of media have great stories and comedy in my opinion and the latter has amazing original music. My least favorite show would have to be a netflix original called Ginny & Georgia, I am just hate watching it at this point, but I would be lying if there weren't moments that absolutely had me laughing. There has not really been anything I have created, no original pieces or nothing. And if I were to pick my last meal to have on my last day on earth it would be tortas. Tortas are some of the best sandwiches my mom has made, they usually include beans, mexican cheese, ham, eggs, hot dogs, and breaded chicken. Now reading it may not seem appetizing but trust it is absolutely amazing and I would absolutely want nothing more than to have a torta as my last meal. 

[ijwrff]

Sorry if it's kinda personal, but what's college like?

Oh I don't mind, hun! I feel like a lot of it will depend on the college, and your interests! Most colleges have a ton of clubs and teams for sports and hobbies! It's not 100% about school, even though (obviously) that's the main reason everyone goes. Finding the right college for you is always the most important, so visiting any in the area and asking questions about what benefits they have there is really important!

For me, I went for the language degree. So there were things for German after class as a club called Kaffestunde, which is basically just a club where you all drink coffee and practice your German with a tutor or grad student! There's stuff like that for most majors I think :0 for example a friend went for programming and game design, and there was a video game club (not exclusive to the program majors though).

I kind of had a love hate relationship with college? I was forced to go. I'm glad it's over, but I could have saved myself thousands of dollars by doing my major from home and taking the fluency exam when I was ready (you do have to pay for that particular exam but thats fine). My mom was huge on forcing her kids to go to college, and I personally think that's the wrong approach.

You can meet amazing people there, but college shouldn't be forced. Especially when kids are just out of highschool, because how are they supposed to know the career path and degree they want to shape the rest of their lives XD some do know, but most don't. One of the good parts about college though, is you can experiment. If you don't wanna pick a major right off the bat, or you're unsure of which degree you want to choose from the ones you like, you can still go to college and take the required courses and dabble in an intro class for each of the degrees you might want to choose.

There's some people who take 3 years of course for a major and decide to switch it last minute. It's ALMOST never too late to change your major, so if you decided you really didn't like what you were taking courses for, you just talk to an advisor and get something else worked out!

But as I said, be sure that you want to try college because it's expeeeeeeeeensive. I know people who owe over $100,000. If you want to go, get a little more settled in a job or apartment that you want! Because going into college without having a job and hoping financial aid will cover everything is hit or miss. Saving up can save YOU a lot of trouble later. I'm not telling you, or anyone DON'T GO TO COLLEGE, I'm saying "Be PREPARED for college and the struggles you'll need to overcome."

It's tough, I won't lie. I was in college for 6 years, when it was supposed to be 4, because I kept failing classes. My health (mental and physical) made it hard for me to do anything, and I spent a lot of that time jobless because of it. College is a time to learn about yourself and what you want to do later in life, so experiment! If the standard 4 classes is too many, try 2-3. If 2-3 isn't enough and you think you can handle another, add it to the schedule! Your advisors? Your best fucking friends. They'll help (or they should) when you need to add or drop classes and help get you the degree you worked so hard for!

I feel like this was a very long ramble, I am so sorry XD all this is fresh in my mind cause I JUST finished. I'm proud of what I've done, but personally I regret going to college. If it wasn't for the pressure from my mom, I wouldn't have gone because I WANT to be a writer and translator. You don't necessarily NEED college for that. It could be fun to take a class for it here and there, but I just feel like I wasted a lot of time that could have been spent catering to my mental and physical needs without having tens of thousands of dollars in debt because it was hard to hold a job when I was so sick.

Overall, do what you want to do. College courses? Sure! Full time courses or part time? Go for what you can handle! Don't need a degree for the job you want? Save some money, and get the degree if you want to and have time to do so!

Be kind to yourself, and do what's best for you!

[artistic-intrxvert]

!!TW: vent (you can keep scrolling, I just needed to put this somewhere where I will forget about it after I get it off my chest and it will make me feel better)

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be right now if I had gone against certain decisions, you know? I’m almost always certain about something once I think about it for a while but it’s always after I make said decision that I feel like I continue to make more mistakes. I’m indecisive and I cannot understand how my own mind thinks, yet others read me well. I want to be able to go back and fix my mistakes but we all know that’s impossible. Even if it was, it wouldn’t mean that everything would be totally fine now. For instance; a simple decision of coming out to my parents. I am happy I came out, but also at the same time I wish I never said a fucking word. Sometimes I wish I never even bothered talking to people about how I felt about my identity. I don’t even know how I want to present myself anymore because of how overwhelming gender dysphoria is becoming for me. There are people I wish I told them I loved them and some of which I wish I never said anything. There are times I wish I never went skiing in the first place in 2020, otherwise my dad wouldn’t have nearly died. I wish I could go back stop myself from ever being friends with certain people. I wish I could go back and prevent myself from being yelled at as a child. There are so many things I wish I could do…But even then, life is just going to end up being shitty as always for me so what’s even the point of wondering what I could’ve changed? I’m always quick to move on from things but the second I think I’ve moved on I break down realizing I shouldn’t have even thought about giving up certain hobbies, interests, etc. sometimes I just wish I had someone that was someone I could actually get along with and be able to see all the time. I want a sibling that’ll be there for me rather than tease the shit out of me when I slip up or make fun of me for something that’s out of my control. I want a mother who is accepting instead of one who has made me afraid of expression. I want a father who doesn’t pick favorites and loves his children all equally. I want a friend group who can’t judge me for liking certain hobbies or shows or movies. I want someone who can understand me and whom I can understand in return. But no matter how hard I try to connect with people to heal myself and others, I always end up screwing it up. I want to be a good friend, a good sibling, a good son, a good grandchild, a good nephew…But because nobody has ever been able to show me how to understand things instead of stressing me to figure it out on my own, I haven’t been able to process my own choices or thoughts or feelings. This is why I feel so upset whenever I need to make a choice for something as simple as what I want for dinner. I want to be a great artist but I can’t help but compare myself to others. I want to be a great significant other to someone but I can’t help but always feel like a burden to anyone I ever get close to. I want to be a good son but I can’t ever agree with some things my parents believe or choose to follow in life. I want to be able to pass high school and be able to get a sustainable job and career but how can I even do that when the public school system blames students for not understanding material that they don’t teach? How can anything be fair? Because that’s what it’s like to be a human teenager. You have to do things on your own or you’re not going to survive in the “adult world”, you have to have a passion for something that’s actually worth going to college for rather than what you want to go for, you have to be able to understand people despite not ever knowing yourself at all…

I wish I could take back all of my painful or horrible decisions but unfortunately I can’t do that. I want to be someone that isn’t as over emotional about stupid things such as forgetting something that I was asked to bring with me for some place to telling someone the wrong thing.

If you can relate to this at all, you’re not alone. I, too, am struggling heavily. I may not be able to take the pain away, but I can stay with you as we both go through the pain of living life.

[atinylittlepain]

ohhh what about ❤️🎮☺️🤍 for Andy?? (if it's a lot just pick your faves ndjdk)

hiiiiii non thanks for asking :)))))

❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc's positive traits?

Andy will do literally anything for the people she cares about - she's the friend you call when you have a flat tire on the side of the highway and you don't know how to change your tire and you're stressed about calling a tow - she doesn't know how to change a tire either, but she has no problem meeting you on the side of the highway and figuring it out in real time lol

She is deeply, deeply passionate about the work she does, which is largely around feminist liberation and philosophy studies and research - it makes her a great professor when she gets to that time in her life, her "women and madness" class fills up easily every year and always has a waitlist

Andy is a free-thinker and has no problem voicing her beliefs and opinions - regardless of the context or the people she's talking to, she's going to stand up for and speak up about what she believes, and I think that's pretty rad :')

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

andy really likes cooking when she has the time for it - she'll put on a Carole King album on the weekends and make something fancy and involved, even if it's just a solo dinner for herself - she likes the meditative process of it

andy loooooooves music - she checks out tapes at the library every week and she jumps on any opportunity to see an artist live (is this a hobby? i consider this a hobby lol)

andy is a journaler and always has been - nothing fancy or aesthetic, she buys the college-ruled composition notebooks in bulk and writes in them most mornings, still in bed, as a way to just dump out her thoughts - she keeps all the notebooks over the years, even though she can barely read her own handwriting

😊 SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES — what are your oc's career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life?

Andy is an academia girlie, she's climbing that ladder and shooting for tenure lol - but truthfully she just wants to do what she's passionate about and teach others about what she's passionate about - she grew up in a pretty hectic family with all sorts of agendas, and she definitely takes a much more simple and laidback approach to that stuff - she just wants to surround herself with people she loves, and she happens to love steve enough to want a family with him :')

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

hmmmm okay

on time is late for Andy, she needs to be at least fifteen minutes early for everything, and she makes it everyyyyyyone's problem lol she just gets stressed if she's running behind, her mind is always working those fifteen minutes early - Steve calls it ~Miranda Central Time~

if they're not hers, Andy doesn't really like babies lol, she will go out of her way to avoid strollers on the sidewalk, and the answer will invariably be no if a friend asks her if she wants to hold their little bundle of joy - they freak her out, again, only if they're not hers

she is a pineapple on pizza truther :)

come ask me a Q about my OCs if you want to

[biggestdev]

Sup, intro post time.

Hmm, it's funny, I've never actually wanted to post anything online before! Turns out, when you subconsciously hate everything about the way you look and sound, one ends up wanting to hide from the public eye! Weird coincidence 🤔. After starting to transition, I began feeling those cool things I heard that other people have. You know, pride in the things I do, liking the way I look, and, weirdest of all, wanting to tell people about it!

So if you don't mind, lemme just dump this all out here:

So I figured out I was trans at 28, and it was an odd feeling to say the least. Once I got over my panic attack, I have never in my life had such a clear goal as transitioning. Everything I did before that: hobbies, college degree, career, was all picked out for me, in a sense. I went along with what others suggested, because I never had a clear idea of what I wanted, ever, my future was just a grey haze. I asked other people what I should do, and did that.

After starting transitioning, I found that I started caring about what I did. I realised I actually really like my job, and that I'm proud of my little hobby projects, handcrafted things with love and care put into them, as opposed to just a means to an end, tools to solve a problem, which is honestly why I picked up some of them in the first place.

And so that's what I'll be posting from my own life. Mostly pictures of things I make or do that I think are cool.

Tangent: My job is, in broad terms (stalker no stalking!) a service tech for communication infrastructure, on towers and in cars, buildings, random shacks by the side of the road, everywhere. Part IT tech, part system engineer, and part automotive upfitter, means nearly every day at work is different from all the others. Sprinkle that with a little ADHD for seasoning, and I've got probably the best job I could ask for! It translates well into my hobbies, which are ham radio, self-hosting internet services for myself, keeping my shitbox car running, and hobby electronics. Now that I actually want to share stuff with the world, I'll probably mainly post about all that.

Part of the reason I like my job so much is sometimes I get to play the "fixer", in the sense of "you went for the lowball price from our competitors and got shit for fuck. Thankfully you've realised your mistake and came pleading to my boss to come in and make it actually work". I like that feeling of satisfaction after fixing a problem for someone, which is why I have asks open for tech questions on top of normal asks.

... Back on topic, I guess? Occasionally maybe I'll post some pics of myself (no not like that), if I think I got a really good one. Lemme start with these. Which one do you think is better, hair up or down?

Once I figured out I was a trans woman, getting on hrt was the most obvious thing in the world to me, I have been for a year and change. Thankfully, being an adult in the US (New England) made that very easy for me. Aside from the occasional "am I trans enough?" worry (and now the ever-present low level dread of "will I be un-personed after the next election"), I've never experienced such a powerful feeling of "this is what WILL happen, come hell or high water". It was refreshing to feel that way about something in my life, finally. Like, I'm not just coasting through life to the grave any more!

I recognize that I'm very lucky as far as access goes, I went from egg crack to staring HRT in probably 3 months, thanks to informed consent in my state, and a halfway decent health insurance plan. I also found a local laser tech to zap my beard hair that is REALLY good, and doesn't gouge on price. Honestly, the hardest thing to deal with has been my voice, I was "blessed" with a pitch and inflection only a little less over-the-top than that movie trailer guy, so changing that has been... a journey.

I'm also lucky in the total lack of resistance on the personal side. None of my friends, family, or even co-workers have fought me on my transition, everyone that I care about has been accepting of me so far. From what I see posted here so often, I'm in a rare situation, and I deeply appreciate all the people IRL that support me. ❤️

Identity-wise, I'm still up in the air a bit, mostly because I haven't dug into what all the different labels mean in detail. I'm definately all about women, but I'm also some flavor of ace, so I guess only romantically? I think that nets me the L, T, Q and A in LGBTQIA+, though tbh I don't really keep a hard list of identities for myself. I'm not one of those weirdo transmeds, I never had overt disphoria before my egg cracked, everyone is valid in their identity, regardless of their dumb-ass takes (pickme's, lookin' at you).

So, intro post done, thanks for reading!

[imanunit04]

Personal Statement for uni-

I have a big imagination since I really love the world of fiction and things that do not exist in reality. I like anything that shows off creativity and a unique sense of individuality to show what goes on in your brain and who you are. Currently I am studying Graphic Design, but I am also interested in pursuing UX/UI Design in the future. The reason behind why I would like to do this is because I have a great interest in creativity and technology. Ever since I was a young child, I've always loved being creative by drawing and making things. I have also always been drawn into anything technology related. It's something that has fascinated me and made me glad that I was born into a generation that is blooming with technological advancements. It allows me to make the most of using and enjoying technology whenever I can. That is why I want to be part of that world by helping to create digital things, while also letting my creative side take control too. I believe that letting these interests help decide my career path will make me enjoy my career choice as much as I possibly can. I also believe I'll really enjoy doing my best when I try to market my product, looking at statistics and how it will psychologically work in the minds of the consumer. I find that to be really exciting and a great journey with satisfying results. I really would like a career where I can create, but also successfully market my creations. When it comes to my passion for my favourite hobby of art, I love experimenting a lot with this. Whether it may be using markers, paint, pencils, on paper, canvases or even digital art. I like exploring all sorts of new methods, finding what I enjoy and what works for me. I also enjoy anything related to food (I love good food) or surfing the web and finding new corners of the internet. My creative process is starting off by looking into what I want to create and finding existing work that I can use as research to generate my own ideas. Then I'll likely sketch it out and pick my favourite idea. Afterwards, I would get straight to creating what I have in mind. I have learnt to work both on a Mac and PC, so I can adjust myself to work on whichever one is presented to me. I am also learning to use Adobe software and I have found that I adapted quickly to any software that I am newly introduced to. I often am able to use the internet to learn new techniques I can use whenever I am struggling. My skills are artistic things such as drawing and making artwork. I have technical skills in software, such as Adobe, Microsoft and other computer related things, involving creating things such as posters, magazines, and also moving images. I know how to navigate my way around the software. I would consider myself to be creative. Inside of art, I admire artists in media who have an interesting stylised art form. One of the people who's art I admire is Roy Lichtenstein who is an American pop artist from the 60s who created graphical, expressive artwork. I also enjoy creating these types of art myself during my free time. They are what inspire me to be creative, alongside animation, and give me inspiration to create art. I wish to one day have the high level of skill that they hold. I want to be a designer who is able to work both under any circumstance. I want to become independent in what I can do. I am taking a College course in Graphic Design, and have spent time during my first year of College doing industry placement work for Birmingham Updates from the Nonsensical Agency as a photographer (including photo editing for my images) while balancing my regular assignments at the same time. I have hopes that taking further education will open new doors and opportunities for me, changing my life for the better.Once I gain experience working, I have hopes of being able to do freelance work for more flexibility and to be my own boss, and perhaps go the extra mile by starting my own agency or business whenever I am able to do so, as a leader.

[orbmanson7]

I have to add my two cents to this, as someone who has actually read the book, because you may be onto something here!

Something that may be relevant from the book and something that is often discussed amongst my friends who very much enjoy their Logan Angst™, is the sense of imprisonment Logan may feel due to his circumstances.

While this could easily apply to all of Thomas' sides, it's notable for Logan in particular due to how his character operates and the purpose he serves as Thomas' logical center, necessary for decision-making.

The sides are all metaphysical beings, confined to Thomas' mind. They must show up when Thomas calls, but they can never truly be gone, as they are merely processes within his brain, processes that Thomas has attributed with wardrobes and multi-faceted characteristics to flesh them out, giving them personalities, likes, dislikes, and even personal issues of their own.

Is this Thomas' way of avoiding some of his own major issues, by throwing his own imagined sides into turmoil that he can then focus on instead of his own worries? It's very likely.

And by granting so much livelihood and humanity to his sides, the sides have essentially become akin to real people, caricatures or otherwise. This is a problem because they are NOT real people, they are metaphysical manifestations of the processes in Thomas' mind. They could believe they are real human beings all they like, but they're not, and that means they would be people unhappily confined to Thomas' mind, unable to explore the real world or their own interests and hobbies, simply because it's not feasible unless it's something Thomas wills himself.

This is why it's so often discussed when talking about Logan Angst in particular, because Logan's interests are not so easily aligned with Thomas' own, not in the way the other sides' interests are. Are there a few moments here and there where Thomas enjoys some trivia or watching Doctor Who or reading a mystery novel? Sure, but these are not fully-explored, especially not to a level that Logan clearly wants. These pale in comparison to having an acting career or incorporating cartoons and even voice acting for cartoons into that career. And it doesn't help that Logan's overall purpose has been waylaid for years ever since Thomas left college, leaving him to now simply pick up remedial tasks where he can and try to keep some semblance of order for Thomas' mind.

He's been effectively relegated to live out his existence in a cramped corner of someone's mind, made to believe he is his own person despite knowing this is not true, and feels things that he shouldn't feel and desires things he cannot have, with no chance of ever leaving or escaping. He cares about Thomas and that will always keep him there, as it is his duty, but Thomas has less and less respect for him and his opinion by the day.

If Logan isn't given something in return for his effort, it will eventually feel more like a life-long jail sentence (if it doesn't already), and he'll only become more and more resentful towards the others for their ability to thrive in such an environment despite it being the very same as his own.

A quote from the book that is mentioned by many people is "if a man does not master his circumstances, he is bound to be mastered by them." While this could absolutely be said about Thomas himself handling adversity with his mental health and some difficult decisions in the plotline lately, it could also easily refer to Logan's situation, where he feels trapped, all that he enjoys has been stripped away from him, and he simply has to live with the knowledge that he can never have what he wants and he can never leave or ever change his situation. Such circumstances would make just about anyone lose their mind or wish to end their life, but if he can find a way to better handle it, despite being unable to change anything, then he may manage to be happy after all.

...I don't know, it's just an interesting choice of an easter egg to throw into that video, but it could mean anything, really.

Hm

Not the easter eggs for plot? Hm. Maybe, maybe. Maybe it's saying that Logan managing to control all this anger stuff, who knows. Or this is about Thomas himself after all this stuff that happened in this few months.

[actiaslove]

Here we are again.

I first made this tumblr blog around 4 years ago. I was early in my college career, and I had told my crush about my unrequited love for him. Despite knowing that he did not return my feelings (he was in a committed relationship), I felt that I had to tell him to move on. It hurt so badly, hearing the answer I knew I would get. This tumblr was made as a place for me to vent about that experience. I have not really used it in almost 3 years, because 6 months after I talked to my former crush I got into a relationship with her- the love of my life.

My relationship with her was my first and only relationship. I remember being so scared that I would be hurt again, scared that it would end up being a mistake, scared that I wasn’t actually over him and would end up harming the both of us. But our love bloomed so beautifully and passionately it blew every feeling I had for him away. Her love, her beauty, her kindness, her laughter eveloped me and my life, and I knew I would love her to the end of my days.

Our life together felt perfect. We never fought. We loved cooking for each other. We did chores the other didn’t like doing as acts of service. We ate ice cream together at night more often than not. We had fun doing things together whether it was watching a show at home, painting, going somewhere new, or going on one of our many walk routes around town. Whenever I was without her I thought about her. When I was having fun somewhere without her I would think of bringing her there one day so I could share the joy I felt with her. In May it will be 3 beautiful years together.

After May it will be over. We’re going to grad school, and we were unable to get into the same ones. She told me recently that she’s been feeling like she needs space, time to figure out what she wants from her future and to figure herself out. She told me that she needs space, and that she can’t be in a committed, long-distance relationship while she did that. We are still together, still living with each other, until the school year is up and it is time for us to go to our new institutions. She told me that she still loved me, but that she does not neccessarily see our future with each other anymore, at least not until she figured herself out. She told me that despite how she currently felt, she meant every word of love and commitment over the course of our relationship when she said them.

I have never felt such despair. I cannot see a future for me without her. I don’t know exactly what I wanted from my future, but I knew that I wanted to experience life with her. I feel as though in her searching for her life’s purpose she’s destroyed mine. I’ve lost all passion and ambition for everything. I don’t know if I want to go to grad school anymore. We share the same academic field, and I imagined us chasing our dreams together. The thought of the subject that was once my life’s passion makes me feel a little sick right now. None of the things I normally enjoy give me happiness anymore.

She is my most important person. I have good friends, a family that I love and get along relatively well with, but they mean nowhere near as much to me as she does. Everything was going well for me, I had hobbies, a social life, friends, a career I was passionate in persuing, I made enough money to get by, and I had my love. If we thought of my life as a healthy body, everything was in perfect working order. But now my heart is getting ripped out, and there’s no point in everything else being fine if there is no heart.

And so here I am again, stuck in this feeling of heartbreak. I never thought I would need this blog again. Until just about a week ago I thought that I was with the woman I would marry and cherish forever. I still have some hope, that maybe she’ll change her mind by the end of May, or that maybe in the future, if she still loves me and she’s figured out what she needed, we’ll reconnected and pick back up where we left off. But right now I want to dissappear. I dont know if I’ll be able to make it after May. I don’t know if I can make it without her. I don’t really want to.

[m0tel6mxzzy]

to add to what u said, I also think that many people with 9-5s and other more secure jobs dream of pursing more artistic jobs because they're more fulfilling for ur soul than a 9 to 5 but they can't take that leap because there's no guarantee an artistic career like acting, modelling, singing etc will work out and they can't afford to fail and have no job. repo babies don't need an income so they're free to take whatever leap because if they fail it doesn't matter

yeah definitely anon i get u!!! i remember in high school wanting to be an artist, and just being very upset with the fact i would have to pick a “real job” bc the arts tends to only be a financially secure job for the already rich and famous. i have a feeling if my parents were loaded rich, art would’ve been seen as something i would not need to be 100% able to monetize in order to have as a career, but rather a hobby i can go to school for just for fun.

essentially career in the arts was made w rich kids access in mind. i took up chemistry this semester bc of that. i was so desperate to have a “real job” only to realize i wasn’t prepared for the math. i tried to force myself to like chem, but i’m doing psychology next semester. literally if i was some sort of nepo baby, i could just quit college and not at all feel guilty abt the thousands in student loans my parents are helping pay. like, you know those rich kid youtubers who are financially well off and say college is useless when many of us don’t have the luxury of leaving w/o negotiating a career change or adjustments to continue it?????

literally if i’d been born to some famous supermodel or big name director/actor that would not cross my mind, i would never have felt inferior and guilty abt “wasting” money if my parents had an abundance to begin w and college wasn’t a necessity for me, but rather an option. i could’ve just as easily moved to la or something and my last name getting me jobs or whatever. that seems like an incredible privilege only nepo babies have yk????? normal ppl don’t get that, most of us have to be “realistic” and actor/model isn’t the first thing that pops into our heads, it’s usually a dream bc nepo babies just have that handed to them and those traveling expenses for shoots/scouting/flights cost money.

i also have a friend who’s a film major, and expressed to me how hard it is breaking into that industry and how she has marketing as a backup. literally so many of my friends who are arts majors also have some sort of major determined to be a little more secure as a back up, bc the prospect of their primary concentration not securing them a job will always be an issue. whereas nepo babies can walk into auditions and shoots and immediately land jobs, having no worry abt the travel expenses these entail unlike most actors/modes/etc who usually need backups.

[pascalscenarios]

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE (Ricky Hauk x Reader)

Just The Way You Are

Scenarios Series

Ricky Hauk x Reader

Summary: Ricky feels as if he needs to change to keep up with your lavish life

Warning: Mentions of an abusive parent, social classes

Words: 1982

Author Note: Based on a scenario from my twitter. Ricky Hauk is so cute ugh! Enjoy! - K 

You first met Ricky when your car broke down on the side of the road. You managed to get to a payphone and look up in the yellow pages to see if you could get a tow truck down to where you were located. The first number you found was for Al’s Service Station.

After calling and waiting for 20 minutes, Ricky had come with a tow truck, wearing a mechanic jumpsuit and a red baseball cap worn backward.

“Hey, I’m Ricky” He greeted you quickly, then went straight to hooking up your car.

You give him a sweet smile introducing yourself.

“Thank you for coming- I don’t know what happened. One minute I was driving, next thing, my started smoking and stopped running”

“Don’t sweat it. I’ll take a look when we get back to the shop”

You thought Ricky was SO cute. He had gorgeous brown eyes that you ever saw.

On the car ride to the shop, you tried your best to make conversation with him. He didn’t say much. He was quiet and reserved. A man of few words.

You and Ricky had different upbringings. You have a perfect life. You came from a wealthy family and live in an affluent part of town. You could have anything you wanted. Ricky on the other hand had an abusive father growing up who is no longer in his life. He and his younger brother Joey were raised by a single mother and they struggled financially. They lived off paycheck to paycheck. Unlike you, Ricky couldn’t have the things he wished or dreamed for.

Ricky was hesitant around you. He knew how rich people were. One wrong move, or if you ended up saying something they found offensive, its cuffs slapped around his wrist.

He was already in a shitty mood and didn’t feel like talking. He got his two-week notice from Al that he was being laid off and his mom was still pretty ticked off at him thinking about the possibility of college, leaving her and his younger brother joey behind to fend for themselves. He didn’t need any more tension in his life.

Getting to the shop, he got to work on figuring out what was wrong with your fancy convertible. He popped open the hood of your car, looking around and fidgeting with different parts.

“Sometimes wrong with the engine. It’s gonna take an hour or two to fix. You might wanna call someone to come pick you up and come back later” he states.

“I’ll just wait, no biggie” you shrug.

He cocked his eyebrow at you. Were you serious? Why would someone like you willingly want to stay in a run-down part of town he thought. “You sure? We got a phone by the register-” he motions towards the desk

“I’m sure. I don’t mind waiting” you smile.

“Alright, suit yourself” turns his back towards you, crunches his face in confusion. He thought you were strange for deliberating staying.

You could have called someone to pick you up, but the truth is, you waited to stay to get to know Ricky and you weren’t in a rush to get home.

...

Ricky started to warm up to you after a while, making conversation with you as he worked on your car. You were sweet and you seemed different from the normal rich people he dealt with and he liked that. You treated him as an equal, not as someone who was below you.

After talking about anything and everything random things, you left him to focus on fixing your car. You probably irritated him. You wandered around the shop, exploring the different parts, tools, and old materials stashed around the garage.

Under a pile of greasy rags, you noticed a black leathered book. You opened it up to find writing inside. They were poems. Beautiful yet heart-wrenching poems. You were amazed by each one as you continued to flip the pages.

“Alright, your cars- hey!” Ricky quickly pulls out the rag from his back pocket, whipping the grease from his hands, and walking towards you.

He takes the books from your hand, closing it shut.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean- did you write those?”

He signs looking down at the book.

“Yeah… I did”

“They’re amazing! Do you like poetry?”

He nods. “Yeah, I love it.”

“I love writing! I’m majoring in journalism at Redding. My parents don’t see a future in it though. They want me to have a ‘real career’, whatever that means” you roll your eyes.

“Poems and writings are more of a hobby…I was thinking about taking a writing course down at Redding University. I went to go check a class out but I don’t know… thinking about it.”

“If you love and are passionate about writing and poetry, go for it. That’s what my grandma used to say. You’ve got a gift, Ricky.” You smile.

He changes the subject ”Uh your cars done- we should start it up, see if it’s running” he tosses the book on the side on top of an old crate and walks with you over his car.

You slide into your car, putting the key into the ignition, the engine roaring again.

“Ah! Thank you so much!” You get out of the car and hug him tightly. He was taken back by your hug, but he smiled and wrapped his arms around you.

“Here,” You said handing him money.

“Thanks,” he stuffed it in his pocket.

“It was nice meeting you, Ricky” you smile.

“Drive safe, if you have any trouble, just come by” …

“Ricky!” You shout coming back a couple of days later. He was laying on a creeper and rolled himself out from underneath the car he was working on. “Hey!” he sits upright, grabbing a towel from his pocket and wiping his hands. He gets up walking towards you.

“You alright? Your cars not giving you any trouble is it?” He says, continuing to wipe his hands.

“No, I came to see you actually.” You start blushing slightly.

“Me? Can you see me?” he points to himself in disbelief.

“Yeah, I wanted to bring you this” you hand him a book. “As a thank you”

He stuffs the towel back in his pocket, taking the blue canvas-covered book from your hands.

He brings it to flip through the pages, noticing they were filled with poems.

“It’s a book of poems. I’ve had it since I was little, but I wanted you to have it”

“What?- No I can take this-”

“It’s inspired me a lot, maybe it will spark something in you”

“Look this is nice in all, but I-”

“Don’t argue with me and just take the book!” you laughed.

He smiled “Alright, alright…” he chuckled. “Thank you”

“Bye” you waved towards him walking back to your car.

“Wait! Before I go-” he is getting a little shy now. “Do you maybe you want to hang out sometimes? We could go catch a movie or something do else- or if you don’t wanna hang out that's fin-”

“Are you asking me out?” you cocked his eyebrow at him

“Y-yeah…if that's okay”

A giddy smile appeared on your face, you took the pen from the front pocket of this jumpsuit, taking his greasy stained hand, and scribbled your number down.

“You better call me, or I'm just going to have to come back here and find you” you laugh.

And since then, you and Ricky have been inseparable ever since.

…

You and Ricky were friends at first, but eventually the more the two of you started spending time together, you both started falling for each other.

You had brought him home to meet your friends and family. They were disapproving of you dating a guy from the wrong side of the tracks, but you didn't care what they thought about the two of you. Under the tough and hard exterior that protected him from outsiders, he was sweet, loving and protective towards his family, thoughtful, hard-working, and intelligent.

After meeting your friends and family, Ricky realized who he was and where he came from wasn’t going to be good enough for you… or in this case your friends and family. He was so out of his element and stuck out like a sore thumb in your world, and everyone noticed. And it wasn’t just the fact he was underdressed, but the fact they have accomplished so much, and here he was financially unstable, not going to school, and jobless. He needed to change if he wanted to keep up with you and the people in your life.

You didn’t even have to try with his family. Just like Ricky, his mother and brother had to warm up to you first. His mother wasn’t sure of your intentions, but once she saw how you two were together, you gained her trust and she welcomed you with open arms. Joey liked you from the moment you told him that you loved macaroni and cheese.

After Ricky had met your friends and family, you saw a change in him. You had no idea what was going on. He was like a whole different person, acting like the snobby people you grew up with.

You brought him to another family event. He was dressed up fancy, which he looked very handsome but it wasn’t him, that wasn’t your Ricky and introduced himself as Richard?

The whole night you watched him not lie about himself and laugh at jokes you knew he didn’t find funny.

This wasn’t your Ricky.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah sure, excuse us” he smiles at your parents' friends.

You walk outside to the garden and turn to face him.

“What the hell is going on?” you question.

“What do you mean?”

“For the past several weeks, you haven't been acting like yourself. That’s not you in there. I don't know who the hell is standing in front of me, because surely this isn’t my Ricky. Where’s the guy I fell in love with? A mechanic who loves and has a passion for poetry…”

He noticed how upset you were. Tears forming in your eyes. He thought this would make you happy.

He sighs. He couldn’t keep up his charade. “I just..” he pauses. “After meeting your friends and family…I realized I’m not good enough for you. I don’t belong in your world. I’m from the opposite side of town, I’m from a single-parent and low-income household. All these people see right through me...they see me as nothing- I just thought if I changed-“

“Ricky” You cup his face in your hands. Your thumbs stroking his cheeks.

“You don’t ever have to change who you are for me! I see you! I know who you are, I know your heart. I don’t care about your past or where you come from. Who you are as a person means way more to me than your upbringing and how much money you have. I love me just the way you are.”

“You mean that?”

“Of course...With every fiber in me...I love you” You kiss him softly.

You both pull away, your foreheads resting against each other. “Let’s get out of here, please,” he says.

“Where do you wanna go?” you asked.

“God anywhere but here” he laughed. “How about dinner near your place, the one you took me to on our first date,” you asked. “I feel like eating a greasy burger, fries, and a milkshake.”

He laughed, “alright”

“Okay, we better hurry up before my parents try to stop us” you chuckle.

“They’re going to kill me...they don’t like you being out on my side of town so late,” He says, taking your hand as you quickly exit, using the side gate.

“They can get over it and besides I’ll be okay because I'll be with you.”

MT // @wifeofdindjarin @icanbeyourjedi @sara-alonso@greeneyedblondie44 @hb8301​  @alberta-sunrise @spacenerdpascal @ryleyrooroo @reader-s-cantina

[miekasa]

hellooo ms mie so i was just curious to know how you chose your course for college. bc im currently in my final years of high school and im still in a dilemma on whether i want to do something which i love (which in this case is music) or do something that could give me a sustainable life with a stable financial income since its quite obvious that its not really guaranteed that u can get a well paying job when working in the music field unless you're some really renowned figure in the industry 🤒 but at the same time im also scared because i dont want my passion for music to be taken away? bc u know how the things u love can gradually turn dull over time when you're playing by the book and constantly following rules.. and its not much reassurance but a lot of famous artists nowadays have grown so much despite not studying music but then again ig its different for everyone right ? hm but then again music schools are just so expensive and i wouldnt wanna burden my parents by making them pay that much money for me to study something where a proper paying job isnt warranted yk 🙁

hhh sorry this turned into a rant 😭 its just that every time i tell myself that its gonna be okay even if i dont study music i suddenly see people on the internet who do study in music schools and it just looks so fun yk?

Hellooo my dear!! My response/advice got kinda long lol so I'll put it under the cut, but as for me, I kind of always had a general picture of what I wanted to do? Even tho I've graduated, I'm still hovering on just the right course, but I know I have time to figure it out. All decisions about and in college seem so final and stressful and it sucks, esp since you're in some of the most difficult and important (developmental) times of your life; but there's a strange kind of comfort in that too--know that college isn't final and you don't have to peak in college, so you don't have make the "perfect" choice right now, and you can always change your mind <33

Firstly, as I was saying, regardless of what you choose to do in college, you can always end up choosing another path later in life, or even right after if you feel like it's not the right fit for you! If you choose music in college and for whatever reason find that it doesn't live up to what you envisioned, then you can totally find a new route; and vice versa--if you choose something more traditionally financially stable and it just reinforces that music is the path for you, then you can 100% go into music after uni. Even tho it's chalked up to be a scary and important decision, you're, essentially 18 or 19 when you sign up for your initial major; no teenager can possibly predict what they'll want to do forever with certainty, so don't stress if you pick something and wanna switch it up later!

From the depressing capitalist perspective, I totally understanding wanting to pick something stable over something uncertain and it's such an unfair choice for anyone to have to make. However, it's plausible to do both! You can pick a major you're still interested in that you think might work better financially in the long run and for your parents' situation, and still do music as a hobby, or even a minor at some schools. Your passion doesn't have to be your career; and hobbies and personal ventures are just as valuable, as are people who do art/music full-time!

Whichever choice you make, remember that even tho it feels final for right now, it doesn't have to determine your whole life; and I wish you the best on your college journey!!!! <333

[elskamo]

I promise I’m trying to find time to chill out and play Sims, college and my apprenticeship are just super busy right now XD

I figured now would be a good time to try and play a few sessions of Sims 4 again, especially with the new wedding pack coming out this week! Hopefully I can grab it and play another game soon, for now here’s what the TD Sims have been up to…

Playthrough: 

- Heather arranged an adults only vacation for all the TD Sims at the Lakeside Retreat in Granite Falls, Bridgette tried getting everyone to hang out together at the campfire but all the guys ran away to get coffee.

- Bridgette and Courtney began bonding at the campfire, as did Heather and Jo. Eventually it led to both pairs flirting after Heather got jealous of Bridgette and Courtney being blatantly affectionate in front of her.

- Bridgette snuck inside with Courtney so they could flirt alone while Heather and Jo continued to flirt at the campfire. Eventually Bridgette and Courtney shared their first kiss... as they were coming back outside onto the porch in front of everyone!

- Brick and Scott had noticed their significant others flirting but stayed well away from the girls and didn’t confront them, Heather on the other hand slapped Bridgette and kept trying to pick a fight with Courtney.

- Heather asked Jo out on a date in the forest but it turned sour when the two continued to argue due to Heather’s bad mood.

- As soon as they got back Heather sent all three girls home, eventually cutting the vacation short altogether when Duncan managed to set himself on fire inside!

- The next morning when all the Sims were home Jo asked Heather out on another date but things continued to remain awkward between them.

- Brick began arguing with Jo when she came back their house; Brick was really upset about her cheating on him but the only thing Jo cared about was losing the argument with Brick.

- While Jo was at work Brick spent some time bonding with the toddlers and reading to them, he and Jo stayed well away from each other that night and focused on building the rocket and working out respectively.

- Back at the Campbell household, Courtney and Scott were avoiding each other completely until they went to work. Courtney got promoted to Senior Manager at work and left immediately after she arrived home so she could take Bridgette out on a date, things began to heat up immediately and they made out in the park until Bridgette fell asleep on the bench.

- As soon as Courtney got home she started buttering up Scott and woohooed with him even though he was still upset about her cheating on him during their vacation. They became deeply connected and Courtney got pregnant again!

- In the Burromuerto household Duncan took care of Petey and upgraded his rocket before going to work in his new career as a Lab Technician. He got to know his coworkers, found a new element, and invented a momentum conserver.

- At home Alejandro finally started having some success parenting Carlos while Duncan struggled. After Carlos went to bed the two of them focused on their own hobbies; Alejandro self published a children’s book while Duncan went to space in his rocket.

- On the weekend Heather hosted a weenie roast and invited some of the neighbours; Alejandro, Carlos, Courtney, Jo, and Kate all came over to join the Suoh family.

- Bridgette realised Courtney had gotten pregnant but didn’t seem to mind, the two of them continued flirting in front of the other guests. The two of them snuck upstairs to woohoo before becoming girlfriends. As the guests left Bridgette failed to reconcile with Heather and the two got a divorce.

Side Notes:

- I haven’t changed up the households yet so they’re currently the same as usual:

Bridgette and Heather live with Damien, Farley, and Kristin.

Courtney and Scott live with Albertha and Kate.

Alejandro and Duncan live with Carlos.

Brick and Jo live with Elliott and Lawrence.

- A lot of the sentiments and relationships changed during this playthrough, this is what they look like now:

Brick and Jo are still engaged but see each other as just good friends. Brick feels deeply wounded by Jo however Jo still feels deeply connected, she is also still grudging from their fight.

Bridgette and Heather are now divorced! Their relationship is described as a bad romance and they both feel saddened and deeply wounded.

Courtney and Bridgette feel deeply connected towards each other, Courtney also feels smitten and closer from happy memories. The two are now girlfriends.

Courtney and Scott feel deeply connected as well; they are still married despite Scott previously being upset about Courtney cheating.

Carlos and Kate feel deeply connected.

Duncan feels closer from happy memories with Alejandro.

Heather and Jo are now classed as awkward friends, they don’t have any sort of romantic relationship together or sentiments.

Kristin feels closer from happy memories with Farley.

Charts:

The relationship charts continue to be one big mess XD Courtney has relationships with both Bridgette and Scott as she hasn’t broken either off. Bridgette somehow still hasn’t met Kate despite attending the same event and hooking up with her mom! Duncan’s relationship with his son Carlos has also deteriorated.

As Courtney’s still pregnant her child isn’t named yet on the family… tree? Circle? Whatever the hell this is! XD

[petri808]

@ktdkvalentines​ for Syd on Ig Valentines Exchange

Bakudeku College Au. TW: panic attack, anxiety, some angst w/happy ending based on the request.

Izuku Midoriya was in a great mood that Fall morning as he arrived at the college campus. His first day of his first year away from home, ready to start the next leg of his journey. He’d chosen this university for its good reviews and psychology program. He wanted to do something good in his life and what better way then helping others who’d suffered like he had. Not that he’d had a horrible life but growing up in a single parent household created some attachment issues and bullying when he was younger left him with anxieties. All through high school he’d worked extra hard to get to a point where he could function most of the time, and he was proud of how far he’d come. That growth is what led him to pursue a career in psychology, to take his negative experiences and turn them into a positive one.

So, he wasn’t ready when he walked into the dorm room and saw the familiar blonde hair and red eyes of his nightmares looking back at him. 

Oh, this couldn’t be happening! Izuku swallowed hard, a mantra of calming statements flooding his brain as a silent staring content ensued. Neither man said a word, but the longer this went on for, the voices in his mind slowed and were replaced with questions. He was starting to realize... did the blonde even remember him?! He couldn’t tell if it was confusion, or maybe pain on the man’s twisted features, but it certainly wasn’t the angry boy he’d grown up with.

“Wow, Izuku is that you?” The man spoke with no malice in his tone, even rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Been a long time, huh?”

“Yeah... about 7 years I think.”

“H-How you been?”

“Okay, I guess. A bit surprised to see a familiar face.”

The blonde’s shoulders dropped slightly, and he averted his eyes to the ground, “probably not who you’d hoped to see again...”

“I didn’t say...”

“No, no, it’s okay.” The man waved his hands to stop him. “I— I owe you an apology Zuku. And I’m not looking for forgiveness cause I don’t deserve it, but I hope we can, I don’t know like start off fresh, I guess, since we’re stuck in this room together.”

Izuku blinked in confusion, what had happened to Katsuki Bakugou in these past 7 years?! He was certain it wasn’t all arouse, or that the man was trying to bring his guard down, because Katsuki sounded genuine. Until the age of 2 or 3 they were actually really close, but for some reason by the end of their first year of primary school, he’d started picking on Izuku, or taking out his anger on the smaller boy. He had no idea what triggered it, but in the end, he was left emotionally scarred. Now, the man standing before him exuded a broken version of that 3-year-old child he once knew.

“You’re right. I lost count of how many times I ran home in tears because of you. We were best friends and it really hurt when you started picking on me and being mean to me.” The pain evident in his voice rang out into the small, shared room. “I don’t care why you did it. But,” Izuku continued with a sigh, “you’re right, I don’t wanna rehash the past either, so if we can just start over and put up with being roommates, we’ll see how it goes.”

“I’d like that. A-and I know it might not mean much but am sorry Zuku— about how I’d treated you. I promise, I’m not that guy anymore.”

“I believe you.” And he did, for now. Deep down, Izuku always tried to stay positive because if he didn’t, and allowed the irrational thoughts to fester, it could pull him right back into an episode. He didn’t fully trust Katsuki yet, but if was serious about going into the counseling field, he also knew it was important to continue moving forward. That didn’t mean divulging all of his secrets, or telling Katsuki about his own struggles, but he’ll stay alert to make sure that at any sign the man was slipping, he’d get out of there.

As the first two months crept along, the roommates went about their own business with very little interactions at first. It was a bit weird to Izuku, to be in a shared room where their beds were literally just a few feet from one another’s, yet they were lucky to go beyond a good morning or hello. In comfortable situations, he was a bubbly person who genuinely enjoyed talking to people, so the stillness of their room was unnerving. Of course, this was better than feeling fearful around Katsuki, but how are they to move forward and maybe become friends again, if they weren’t interacting?

So, because they weren’t talking, Izuku did the next best thing and observed. One thing that had not changed about Katsuki, was being meticulous. The blondes side of the room was always neat and tidy, books or stationery on the desk stacked perfectly, clothes in the closet organized by color and type, even the bed was always made with crisp corners. Early to bed and early to rise, the man had a ritual of sorts. If he wasn’t studying at his desk, he’d be on his bed reading or listening to music. Even the way Katsuki ate was curious to Izuku, constantly wiping his hands or face of any residue. There were a few things the blonde requested of him, no scented candles or strong, smelling fish type meals, and to leave his side of the curtains closed, something about the sunlight bothering him. They were simple enough requests to acquiesce to.

The man rarely left the room except to go to class and as far as he could tell, Katsuki had only one other friend on the campus who’d occasionally drop by. A nice guy, very friendly named Eijiro Kirishima. Well, he assumed they were friends because most of the time, his roommate stayed quiet while Eijiro did the talking. Izuku was pretty sure he spoke to the man more then Katsuki during these visits. They seemed unlikely friends really, one happy-go-lucky, and one anti-social... kind of reminded him of their once friendship now that he thought about it.

Izuku could appreciate the idea of sticking to familiar surroundings. Their dorm room was a sanctuary for him as well. He avoided large, crowded areas as much as possible, and if he didn’t know anyone, did his best to be inconspicuous. But within their room, with just the two of them, it should be a comfortable experience. Before coming to the school, he’d wondered what his roommate would be like or imagined making friends, so it was a little disappointing. By the third month it was a close friend of Izuku’s that suggested he make the first move to engage Katsuki in conversations. Start out simple, maybe learn any hobbies, what music he listened to, his major, etc. Forget the fact he knew the man and pretend as if he’s trying to make a new friend. Ugh, he hated making the first move. Izuku preferred being engaged not initiating it because it drove his anxieties up. But they were right. ‘Think of it like practice,’ Izuku reasoned with himself, ‘pulling a difficult client out of their shell.’

It was a lazy Sunday around midterms when Izuku decided to make a move. As he sat rested on his bed similarly to Katsuki, with his back against the wall and a textbook propped on his legs. Every few seconds, he glanced over the book’s edge, side-eyeing the blonde who was also nose deep into a chemistry textbook. Should he say something? But the man looked preoccupied, and Chemistry is a difficult subject. Maybe he shouldn’t bother Katsuki? He didn’t want to be annoying or anything and it wasn’t important really. Then again, the guy was always preoccupied with something or other and if he waited for a perfect moment, what if it never came? Would he wait forever? No, this was as good a time as ever.

Izuku lowered his book. “H-How’s the studying going Kacchan?”

The blonde turned to look at him briefly. “Fine.” Then returned to his reading.

“Oh, that’s good.”

Ugh! It was always so hard to get a read on Katsuki! His affect and tone were flat, no anger, amusement, nothing, just his common one worded response. It was rare for the blonde to give or maintain eye contact, so at least the man looked at him this time.

He tried another question. “I noticed your chemistry book, is that your major?”

“Yup.”

“Um, what do you do with a chemistry degree?” Izuku asked genuinely.

This time Katsuki surprised Izuku when he stopped and put his book down before engaging. “I’m fascinated by the chemical reactions of fire and combustion. How it works, why it occurs, how it can be manipulated, stuff like that. And I don’t know, I could be a scientist, or maybe do pyrotechnics, just work somewhere I don’t have to talk to too many people.”

“Wow! I mean I was never good at math and stuff to understand, but it sounds pretty interesting.”

“I guess so. What’s with the questions all of a sudden?”

“W-Well,” Izuku shifted his body to face the man completely, “we’re roommates. I don’t expect us to be full-on friends, but I figured it would be nice to talk sometimes.” Katsuki’s silent reply of nothing forced him to make a decision to continue talking, because he assumed if the man wasn’t interested, he would have turned away. Silence wasn’t exactly a normal response, but maybe the blonde really wasn’t sure what to say next. “I don’t expect you tell me super personal stuff— just small talk. Like, um, what kind of music do you like?”

“Alternative.”

Izuku’s eyes flashed with surprise at such a quick response. Okay, so Katsuki was fine with answering. “I like that too! Well, some,” he giggled. “Though I mostly listen to pop now. What about movies?”

“Horror films.”

“Oof,” Izuku cringed. “I can’t handle those they scare me too much!”

“I remember. It gave you nightmares.”

Bouncing on the bed, Izuku’s legs moved to hang over the edge in his excitement. He was really surprised in a good way that Katsuki remembered something so mundane about him. “Wow! You still remember that?! Yeah,” he laughed, “I’ll stick to sci-fi or action. Plus, I’m not fond of theaters anyways so, I just watch stuff on my laptop.”

“Why not? You used to be the outgoing one.”

That made Izuku flinch because he wasn’t ready to tread into that territory with his former bully. “Oh, you know, it’s always crowded, and you have to deal with parent-less kids causing a racket in the place. I rather just enjoy my movie without all that.”

“Makes sense. I don’t care to go to places like that either.”

“Yeah, I noticed that— is there anything you do like or hobbies maybe?”

“Just exercising in the early morning, by myself, except since Eijiro inserted himself, I tolerate him.”

So, that confirmed what he’d already suspected. Katsuki kept his body in really great shape and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Izuku. But since he wasn’t much of a morning person, he didn’t notice what time Katsuki left the dorm, only the man’s return, showered and refreshed. Needless to say, the blonde male with wet hair was nice to look at and smelled good too. “Oh,” his face heated up at the thought of it, but he needed to play dumb. “So, that’s what you do in the mornings. I wondered about that.”

Things between the roommates settle into a comfortable routine. As another month passes by, Izuku still needed to start the conversation, but at least Katsuki would respond amicably or engaged with him, and to his delight with the help of Eijiro, they’d even managed to get the man to go out to dinner once. Those years of dread and angst were melting away, and soon enough Izuku looked forward to spending time with his old friend.

He still couldn’t get a full read on Katsuki’s demeanor. The man’s emotionless responses made it difficult to tell whether or not he was even enjoying anything. So, Izuku could only assume that by participating, he didn’t mind. The old Katsuki would say whatever he was thinking, good or bad, and while he got the sense that he would do so as needed, such as letting him know about the scent issue, it would be really nice if it didn’t feel like a guessing game all the time. Regardless, the progress they were making to rekindle any sort of relationship was a win in Izuku’s mind.

“Here.”

Izuku looked up from his desk to see a plastic shopping bag held in Katsuki’s hand. “What’s this?” He took it tentatively.

“I saw it at the store. You still into this stuff?”

He opened the bag and pulled out the latest action figure of his favorite comic book character. It was a figurine he’d been saving up his spare money to buy. “Kacchan,” Izuku looked back up curiously at the man. “Is this for me? How’d you know?”

Katsuki just shrugged. “Just remembered you were obsessed with the guy.”

“Thank you, really, but I can’t except this gift, it’s not even my birthday.”

“Just take it. Think of it as an I’m sorry gift if it makes you feel better.”

As Izuku sat there stunned, the blonde simply went back to his bed without another word and picked up a book as if nothing significant had just occurred.

“T-Thank you, Kacchan.”

“Yeah, no prob.”

His face heated up and a smile took over as he stared at the action figure for a few seconds before staging it prominently on his bedside table. Izuku had left all of his collectibles at home, so it was nice to have something in their room. But even more important, was again, Katsuki remembered something about Izuku from their childhood and took the time to get this gift. Despite their long rocky history, this small act meant the world to him. It was the first true moment to make Izuku think, maybe they really could be like they once were.

Finals were approaching in barely two more weeks, and some students were already stressing out. The anxiety in the air felt palpable to Izuku. He could feel it practically oozing off the other students. Of course, everyone dealt with stress in different ways. Some went inwards, the pressure fueling them to work harder while other’s went the completely opposite route of goofing off and procrastinating. Other’s might stress eat, binge caffeine drinks, and friends banded together in study groups. But then there are the ones who took out their frustrations and stress on others.

Bullies. The bane of Izuku’s existence.

Most of the time, he could easily avoid their type around campus. He’d developed a sixth sense for such individuals which his therapist explained as a heightened sense of energy levels. It’s really not as mystical as it sounds, rather that, those like him that suffer from a high level of anxiety, are sensitive to other people’s emotional outputs. Being bullied or harassed himself certainly sent his anxiety’s skyrocketing but seeing it could also trigger a problem depending on the severity.

Hence his current predicament...

It was the end of the day for Izuku and he was ready to just get back to his dorm, eat something, and dive into his studies. One of his teachers had released the finals study guide early, so he thought it best to get a head start. But as he made his way past the row of dorm buildings, Izuku spotted something that sent a cold chill down his spine. Three men cornering a fourth. They were at least 50 yards away and he couldn’t hear everything they were yelling. Something about a group project, pulling weight— One man had grabbed the victims shirt and was semi-lifting him up while the other two men just watched and egged him on.

Oh, this was not good! Izuku’s memories started to replay and his experiences were brought back to the forefront. The men’s faces were so close... he could almost feel the hot breath wafting over, spit hitting his face, or the smell of the bullies breath. It made him sick to his stomach. Izuku’s heart raced, his throat began to close up, and breathing grew erratic. He needed to get out of there! The red piercing eyes of his nightmares took center stage in his mind’s eye... all those times he was harassed and battered by Katsuki rushing back like a wave to toss him against a wall of sandy hair.

‘Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths!’ Izuku screamed in his head, ‘calm down, calm down, get back to my room! It’s not you, it’s not you... it’s not him! It’s not him!!’

Izuku picked up the pace, a fast walk over a running sprint to avoid being noticed. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself and risk becoming the new target. He dug his nails hard into his arm to force his mind towards a physical distraction, but it wasn’t working.

A deep voice screamed, cursing at the top of its lungs, and filling Izuku’s mind, just like that long ago day. The worst attack, the one that finally pushed his mother to move him to a different school. All the fear coursing through his veins rush back, heart pounding against his rib cage. Katsuki had grabbed him, hand fisted into his shirt as he pushed Izuku up a wall and off his feet. He could still feel the cold stone wall behind him juxtaposed to the pain from his hot throbbing lip and swollen cheek where he’d been struck.

He burst through the dorm room door, stumbling, spilling his bag onto the floor as he fell to his knees, gasping for air because his jaw felt locked up and he couldn’t get enough air. All of his muscles were tensing up, imagined or not, it felt like he was suffocating. His body was shaking, sweating— he wanted to puke.

“Whoa, Zuku, what’s wrong?!”

Katsuki had rushed over and dropped to the floor, grabbing Izuku by the shoulders to hold him up and steady. But he couldn’t answer the man in words. Tears were streaming down his face as he did his best to focus and answer the man, but it was tough, fighting against the rapid assault of images in his mind and cursing blaring in his eardrums.

“Fuck, um, allergic reaction?!”

Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Choking?!”

Again, Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Panic attack?!”

Izuku now adamantly shook his head, yes!

“Okay, okay, shit, panic attacks, um, it’s been awhile, what do I— oh, right, okay, okay, d-don’t move!” Katsuki stumbled back to his feet and ran out of the room, coming back within a minute with a cup of ice cubes from the common kitchen. He takes one, two, three, shoving it into Izuku’s mouth. It took a bit of effort to get the man’s jaw to open wide enough to shove it in. “Close your mouth all the way, try to get the ice to touch the roof of your mouth.”

Seconds after the ice touched, it sent a brain freeze from hell shooting through Izuku’s pain receptors. “Ahhh!” He spat out all the melting cubes as his hands fly up to his head, cradling, squeezing to counter against the physical pain, “cold! Cold! Cold!”

At that statement, Katsuki slumped back onto his haunches in relief. “Oh good, it worked.” He then took Izuku’s hands with an even soft tone. “Look at me.” Once the man complied, he continued. “Focus on your breathing, inhale when I say to, exhale when I say to.”

Izuku struggled against the embers of irrational thoughts coupled with the brain freeze coming down. His breathing stayed haggard, jagged as he fought his own mind to follow Katsuki’s instructions. But every time he’d start to struggle, the man would refocus him back to the breathing by pressing his thumb nail into the webbing of Izuku’s hand. Not very hard, but enough of a sting to bring back his focus on the physical. It took about 15 minutes until he could breathe in time with Katsuki’s words.

Be it the overwhelming sense of release or sheer exhaustion, Izuku collapsed on to Katsuki’s chest. His panicked breathing whittled down to silent sobbing. The blonde didn’t move or flinch and held the man up, simply keeping his arms around his back without a word. Minutes dragged by as the tears finally slowed.

“Thank you, Kacchan,” Izuku breathed out. “How’d you know what to do?”

“Let’s just say, I’ve had my share.”

Izuku sat back, rubbing away the moisture drying on his cheeks as he looked at his roommate with new eyes. “You? W-When? I-I mean if you don’t wanna say, it’s fine, I’ll understand. We probably both have a lot a secrets.”

Katsuki thought for a moment. “If I tell you what happened, you gotta come clean too.”

He hadn’t expected that, but after what had just occurred, perhaps it was time. “Okay,” Izuku nods.

“In middle school I was sent to a therapist because of my anger issues and diagnosed as a high functioning autistic. Frankly, I don’t know how much to believe in that, but in the end, the therapist was a good thing.” Katsuki leaned back against a desk leg. “The short answer, I learned the reason I’d started bullying you was because I was getting frustrated with myself which lead to anger, and I wrongly took it out on the closest person to me.”

“Why were you frustrated? I thought we were fine...”

“It had nothing to do with you. It was me and I don’t know, I just started feeling different, I didn’t like being around people, didn’t understand or even care about anyone because I couldn’t figure out how to fit in. Yet I’d watch you make friends so effortlessly and I got mad. There’s a lot more to it, even blamed my mom for some of it, but I just didn’t know how else to get it out except through anger. It took a few years to learn to control myself. That’s one of the reasons I got into exercising. If I start feeling frustrated, I can take it out that way now, burn off the excess energy I guess.”

Izuku was a little taken aback at the idea Katsuki’s been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The man didn’t seem like he had a mental disorder, but the clues were there. The aversion to certain stimulus, social apathy, his fixations on certain elements. “Wow... I had no idea. It doesn’t excuse what you did, but I’m glad you’ve come this far.”

“So, what about you?”

“I don’t think it was just the bullying that started it all. After my dad left us, I was already vulnerable, it’s why I latched onto you so quickly. So, when you started— I-I felt extremely hurt. You were my first friend, my best friend Kacchan and when you started hurting me... I don’t know what was worse, the physical pain or the mental ones. By the time I moved schools, I’d developed anxiety and depression, and it got so bad my mom finally took me to a therapist where I worked all through high school to get it under control. I do really good now, but sometimes things trigger me.” More tears resurface to cloud Izuku’s eyes, but he kept them from spilling. “Today, on my way here, I-I saw a guy being harassed and it brought it all back again. Nothing was working, so I just thought if I could just get to safety, a-and I don’t know, I figured I could get it under control once I was alone. But I’m glad you were here, because I don’t think I could have. You really, saved me today Kacchan.”

“It doesn’t make up for anything. I’m the asshole who made you like this.”

He snorted a laugh, “that’s for sure, but the cause became the cure.”

“What?”

“You caused this, but today you cured it. That means a lot to me because I do want to forgive you.”

“No. I don’t deserve a second chance. I’m content that we’re at least on speaking terms again and I could make amends somehow.”

“Kacchan, everyone deserves a second chance.” Izuku’s smile returned. “We were kids. You didn’t know better. And you’ve changed, that’s the important thing. I think we’ve both changed.”

“How?”

“Well, it’s those experiences that helped me to find a new passion in life to help others— people like us who are struggling with something. Turn a negative into a positive.”

“How the hell do you do that? You just had a panic attack and you’re already sunny smiles again. I mean you were always like this, and it’s me, I just don’t get emotions, but if you wanna forgive me, I guess I can’t stop you.”

Izuku shrugged. “Nope you, can’t,” he smiled wider. “Right now, this is probably the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.” He stood up and extended a hand, helping Katsuki to his feet. “Dinner, my treat.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“I know,” Izuku smiled. “I’ll order in.”