#what au you gonna use to fix it or make it more relevant to you

[planetsnakes]

Hey guys bbc merlin ended in 2012 you know why the fandom is still around?

Because we have a hella cool community that is still going strong, welcoming to new fans and ridiculously supportive whenever anyone makes something for the community.

Fandom is so different now and it’s becoming un-fun with how quickly shit moves.

I just want to enjoy things. I don’t want to have to play a game of Artist-Race that seems to be afoot lately.

Ya’ll eat up fandoms, leave artists and writers bone dry and then move on so fucking quickly then fucking wonder where all the Good Fandom Stuff is.

Idk Maybe cherish some things for longer. Reblog stuff. Interact with people. Comment and share.

Fandom is Capitalism now and I’m not being nuanced.

[oh-cosmia]

12, 17, 19 <3

hiiiii alex <333

12. a trope you’re really into right now

haha well im gonna interpret "right now" as something i got into recently... dragon romance (YOU KNOW). also doomed friendship/friends-to-enemies arcs. does "the banality of evil" count as a trope?

17. talk about your writing and editing process

**OUGH**

okay so uhhhh for fic specifically its like. if its a new fic or a oneshot i write down a really rough summary like, i just ramble in my word doc as if i was telling someone this outline. sometimes if i already rambled about fic ideas in someone's dm's ill just copy paste it and use that as an outline. this was basically how me and mal wrote the outline for wedding fic, and also i did this with me and liz's dms when i first drafted solo au. and then i just start writing and keep fleshing out the outline till its done.

if its a chapter in a longer or ongoing work, like db:

prewriting; i need to know what main events happen in this chapter and also what key information is dropped. in chapter 11, something big happens, the steward shows up! thats something thats gonna build up to something in future chapters, so it was necessary to introduce it now. another big thing happens, when min encounters a denizen whose suffering he was complicit in. those are the big things that Have to happen, but then also in between that i want to drop some pieces of information that will become relevant in later chapters. when i get an idea for something gay i will find a way to work it in-- like, i didn't Need to make min kabedon ryan in ch11, but i had a vision. i had a dream. i did that for ME

writing; okay so first i lay down . then at 9-11pm i write in stimuwrite and then copy it into a word document later. then i lay down some more. if im REALLY feelin wild and i get into a groove i just keep writing till i pass out at 2 or 3 am. sometimes i go to my favorite cafe if i need to Lock In. writing is just mostly cleaning up and expanding on my outline. when i know generally what the trajectory of the chapter is and what stuff i need to make happen, everything else i kind of make up on the spot, like, the car settings and denizens are based off of whatever ideas or images were interesting to me recently. if i see an opportunity for fun banter or interactions i'll just throw it in. if i think of something funny or gay i'll put it in too. idgaf

editing; most fun part. so first i lay down. then i get up and look at a random scene of the wip. i edit it a bit. then i lay down. then i review the whole thing and fix any obvious #cringe moments or typos or fucked up syntax. then i lay down. then i edit some more until i can bear to show someone else

peer review. i show my trusted friends the fruits of my labors. they tell me if the vibes are off. they leave comments on my docs and reactions that help me gauge if my intentions/tone came through the writing. also frankly showing my friends a wip is nice bc the writing process can be very lonely and its a good motivator to show people and get amped up to finish

illustration; i've probably been sketching ideas up till this point, but i usually pick scenes if they're either important enough to the plot that i want to give an extra "oomph" to the moment, or if i just really have a strong image in my brain during a scene.

publish it. lay down again. sleep for a week. start thinking abt the next chapters

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

Pls tell us more about ur house foster ducklings au. Literally anything bc I'll eat up anything about this au

🥺🥺🥺 anon I'd die for you.

(here's the foster ducklings au post for reference)

So this au starts around season one-ish and the background plot is p much the same except it's not rly relevant since it's about the foster ducklings and not medicine and it's sped up a bit so it's not over the course of years. Except the season two finale, when that guy shoots House.

This is where the timeline starts to diverge, bc Chase, Thirteen, and Kutner are visiting in the office when the gunman shows up. Somehow (still working on it) they manage to get the gun away from the guy before House is shot. And bc House is never shot, his leg never gets temporarily better, and his addiction doesn't get as bad as it did in season 3 since he isn't afraid of the pain coming back bc it never left.

And then in season three, Tritter comes sniffing around and he's still a major asshole and Wilson doesn't make his deal with the devil bc House isn't spiralling like he was in the canon timeline and also Wilson doesn't want House to lose his kids, but House and Wilson still fight about the faking prescriptions part. This does all culminate in House still having his overdose except, you guessed it, the kids find House choking on his own vomit instead of Wilson finding him.

So House ends up in the hospital, and has this like. Hopeless realization that he's not good for the kids and he should let them go. So he agrees to let them be removed and it's fuckin devastating bc the kids loved and trusted him and he overdosed on his drugs and sent them away and now they're being split up and it's all super emotional.

And House is his bitter self for awhile until Cuddy talks some sense into him about fixing his own damn problems for once. So House basically speedruns his sobriety arc from the later seasons and petitions and fights and bitches until he gets the chance to get his kids back. But only if they want to come back.

And House is like well I'm fucked they're not gonna want anything to do with me. And he's right that they're pissed at him. Chase watched his mother drink herself to death, Thirteen's dad put her in foster care and she lost contact with her brother, and Kutner of course saw his parents die in front of him. So the incident was super triggering for all of them. And worse than that, he left them. He sent them away with no warning and barely a goodbye.

But they love the cranky old fuck. And that doesn't just go away. And they somehow believe him when he says he's sorry and wants to try again. So they agree to come home, even Chase who's 18 now and a legal adult with his trust fund his parents left and could tell House to fuck off. They all move back in and it isn't always smooth sailing, but they're family and that's what matters the most.

[blorbologist]

Hello yes I would like to know more about your Fullmetal Alchemist AU because that was amazing. The Ashari doing alkahestry, *chef's kiss*. Delilah as Envy, genius move. Saundor as Lust, perfect casting is perfect.

Vex with the title of Sewing Life Alchemist, much better person than the original holder of the title. And that Truth took part of her heart, oh that's good.

!! Thank you so much! I love this AU but it has so many moving parts it's hard even for me to juggle them sometimes pfft.

God there's so much to talk about uhhhh:

It's a super complicated AU in part because I'm including Campaign 1 PCs as the older cast (Vex, Vax, Percy, Pike and Grog are all in the military, Keyleth gets a bit of Scar and Mei's roles, Tary is Somewhere) and the Campaign 2 PCs as the younger (Beau and Caleb fill the role of the Elrics, Jester is probably Winry-ish with some Mei elements, Veth is a chimera, idk what Fjord is up to, Yasha is likely Ishvalan, Essek gets to be Ling <3, idk what I'm gonna do to Molly and Kingsley. Probably terrible things. He might be Hoenheim/Father/idk. Maybe he'd fit better as Ling then Greed but I Like Essek Best Ok). Which is complex enough on its own (I can get conflict between the kids and their military babysitters with Beau and Percy butting heads), but what makes it extra dicey is the homunculi. I want to try and ensure that the main villains have a good balance between CR1 ones and CR2's, but whereas many of VM's antagonists are connected (Vecna/Sylas/Delilah/kiiinda Ripley, all the Conclave), the M9's are very disperse - and with all these enemies it's hard to unite them under one goal. Do I include the Conclave? What about the Iron Shepherds? Lucien's group? Avantika? So for the oneshot I just said fuck it and narrowed in on the most Perc'ahlia relevant information (and had Keyleth there instead of Jester, to stick to the C1 cast).

I've shuffled around a lot of the alchemical signatures of several characters due to what fits and what doesn't - for instance, though Vex neatly fills a lot of Roy's role, she is never associated with fire. Caleb, however, is, so the Ed-equivalent gets to be the Flame Alchemist. As a Ranger, Vex is very difficult to make fit into the State Alchemist system, so I made her role more research-focused (while still keeping with the terrible guilt and shame that Roy has that I think fits Vex nicely as well). As the Sewing Life Alchemist, she can be a more successful Shou Tucker: I figure she stumbled on Trinket (an early state-made chimera), tried to learn how to fix him, and so ended up roped into that research division to keep her from blabbing. A lot of her research focused on healing and accelerating growth, and she has a knack for using every ounce of power offered by Equivalent Exchange; as a result it was easy enough to slot her in with the team creating viable human-animal chimeras - the people who originally fucked up Trinket. By that point, it's too late to get out. So she has a lot of Guilt <3 Elaina died either to plague (like Trisha Elric) or got burnt in one of those staged conflicts to get souls/blood for the nation-wide array. Vax gets to snipe up bits of Hughes, Havoc and Nina's roles in the story: I'm unsure of if he's been used to keep Vex in line before, but he certainly gets fucked up by Lust. I'm unsure if the military then steal him away and turn him into a chimera, or if Vex is forced to do that to her own brother to keep him alive. I really want to include some thematic nod to 'take me instead you raven bitch', though, so. Help?

Nixing the up-and-coming Colonel being the Flame Alchemist also impacts Percy's role: I knew I wanted him to be tattooed with secrets like Riza (if you cant tell from Get your hands dirty, I love the concept), but without Flame Alchemy, what could be worth hiding? After some fanangling, I decided that the de Rolos have a decent lineage of military service, especially as State Alchemists, and though Percy never showed the knack for the magic aspect he grasps the theory very well (and instead tinkered with guns). So, as the spare, he offered to get the family's research tattooed on his back. Least he could do - until the estate was swarmed and everyone was killed by some fuckers and Percy was tortured for the code to the notes on his back. Envy (Dewiwah) and Dr.Ripley were behind most of it, with Delilah taking on the faces of people Percy knew both to get her foot in the castle and to torment him. He joined the military in an attempt to protect himself, only to slowly start figuring out that they were the ones who ordered the hit, at which point he stages a lab accident and has Vex heal his back juuust enough to maintain functionality but otherwise ensuring it scars. I'm suspecting the secret was either that his family stumbled on the nation-wide array or something that put Father's plan in huge hot water. Cass is probably a hostage-ward of the Briarwoods and might not know Delilah is responsible for anything given her changing face :D

[stoppit-keepout]

untitled, unfinished, les mis~

the document is called “i'm not gonna write pregnancy fic but” so uh, let that be your guide. :) Relevant tags... modern AU, ciswoman!Grantaire, unplanned pregnancy, and if i end up speed-writing more then there’ll definitely be some nebulously-requited crushes

It seems like Grantaire notices that Enjolras is walking towards her before he himself realises what he's doing. Her eyes catch on him and dart back to Eponine; she's just finishing a sentence as he gets into earshot, stepping out onto the patio of the restaurant they'd gathered at post-meeting.

He nods to them both, then when neither says anything, does his best to continue where they left off. "What's a nightmare?" he asks.

Eponine, now that he can see her face, looks furious. "Might be none of your business," she says.

Grantaire shrugs. "I'm trying to make a decision about how something should go." She has a habit of fidgeting with garnish and straws from her highballs when she orders them; right now she's tying a little paper straw into a soggy knot.

"Anything I can help with?"

"No," Eponine answers for Grantaire.

"Well," Grantaire says. "Talking it through might help."

Some people have said that Enjolras is oblivious to social cues. He's aware that he can sometimes be unaware, but Eponine is not exactly being subtle: he's not precisely wanted here right now. However, for as long as Grantaire keeps propping the door open, he'll do his fucking best. "Is it a plot thing, for one of your comics?"

"Yeah." Grantaire nods slowly. "Just having trouble picking a direction."

"Sounds tough," Enjolras says. "But I'm all ears if you want to talk." Grantaire and Eponine trade an impenetrable look. "Or not, I can just head back inside."

"No, no, you know I love your opinions." When Grantaire smiles like that, sardonic, her one misaligned tooth just barely catches Enjolras's eye. The little bit of asymmetry is weirdly compelling.

"I'll head back to the table then." The words are declarative, but Eponine looks almost like she's asking permission, an impression that's reinforced when she waits for Grantaire's nod before eeling back in past where Enjolras had just emerged. "We'll talk later," quiet.

The lull that comes upon them when Eponine leaves would be enough to make Enjolras feel self-conscious, if he weren't so used to feeling on the back foot with Grantaire. "I didn't mean to interrupt," he says.

"We'd been talking ourselves in circles," Grantaire says. "It's good you're here."

The warmth in Enjolras's gut doesn't need to be examined. "What can you tell me?" he asks.

"Okay, so this one's about a fuckup," she starts. She picks up speed as she talks. "Kind of a self-insert, I guess, just some woman on the verge of thirty who doesn't have a solid life: insubstantial job, insubstantial relationships, insubstantial prospects."

The middle member of the list makes Enjolras squint, but he's loath to interrupt her this early in proceedings. 

"She wants something more solid at some point, but she hasn't made any moves towards creating that foundation." Grantaire's eyes fix back on her straw knot. "Probably a lot of exposition blocks for establishing some of this, I guess. Anyways, she makes bad some bad choices and has ill-advised sex with an ex, and in her drunken state falls back into old habits of contraception–"

"Oh no," Enjolras says. "Are you worried that's kind of cliche?"

That shocks a laugh out of Grantaire. "You know, I wasn't before, but now I am."

"Sorry," said with a wince. "That wasn't what you were asking for help with."

"It wasn't, but it's making me think that I can guess what you're going to say about the main question."

"'Does she keep it?'" Enjolras predicts.

A slow nod.

"Well yeah, I guess that is kind of cliche. But it also makes it," he searches for a word. "Relatable? Relevant?"

"Sure," Grantaire says.

Enjolras doesn't know if he's the right person for this conversation. He isn't creative in the same ways that his friends are, capable of spinning strange and endless yarns that follow some rules of narrative that he's learned but that don't come to him naturally. Jehan would probably give Grantaire better advice. "I'm too pragmatic for this kind of thing," he warns.

"Humour me," she says.

"Okay," he says, as he's been saying more and more to her lately. "I guess the first thing is that I need more information. What's her relationship with her ex like? Are they in the picture?"

"Not remotely."

"Is she going to tell them?"

"Oh," Grantaire says. "Right, I didn't say. It was one of those things where she was the other woman, and he has a whole family—wife, kids, whatever. She tells him, and he wants nothing to do with it."

"Asshole," Enjolras mutters, and Grantaire laughs.

She drags her thumbnail over a crease in her little straw knot, flattening it completely. The paper looks like it should be falling apart in her rough hands, but she's moving very carefully. "She knew what she was getting into."

A brick of ice drops into Enjolras.

Grantaire looks up and immediately away.

"Grantaire," he says. Glacier water in his guts.

She bites another grin at him. "Cliche, huh?"

"Oh my god," he whispers. Nobody's ever confided this kind of thing to him before. Grantaire's never confided anything to him before. He feels vaguely divorced from his body.

Who– there had been that old professor of hers, he thinks blankly. They'd had a thing after she'd graduated, and Enjolras had been horrified but she'd said that he should loosen up, and it wouldn't seem so creepy to him when he was as old and wise as her.

She'd stopped talking about him years ago. She'd had an exhibition last month. The pads of her fingers look white through the glass she's holding.

He frowns. "Is that…"

Grantaire follows his gaze to her empty glass. He hadn't realised how open her face had been until it slams shut.

It doesn't close in time to fully catch the hurt.

"Empty? Yeah," she says. "I should get a refill."

His brain catches up, too late. "That was misogynistic," he tells Grantaire's departing back. "I–"

She's already halfway to the bar, Eponine already falling into step beside her. She must've been waiting for them to finish talking.

"Fuck," Enjolras whispers. Cloying shame slows his thoughts.

Eponine's eyes burn into him. Her hand grabs at Grantaire's sleeve.

Knowing society works to indoctrinate people into stupid, sexist beliefs is one thing, but that first thought… Grantaire's her own fucking person who can made her own fucking choices.

(Something inside him whispers that Grantaire isn't known for moderation. He wouldn't trust her with a child, would he?) 

Eponine is gesturing at the bartender, getting a second one of whatever Grantaire's having.

He doesn't even know if she's keeping it. He doesn't even know how many people she's told. He doesn't know anything.

He shakes his head and finally gets his legs to answer him, carrying him through the doorway and between tables and up to Eponine—

Something splashes onto his face, an instinctive flinch too late to shield him from the fizzy liquid. He only succeeds in getting it on his sleeve too. An ice cube drips down his curls into the collar of his shirt. A gasp, a shock of cold.

Combeferre, Joly, and Musichetta were still at their table on the other side of the restaurant, but one of them must've noticed, because they're getting up and coming over.

Grantaire's at the bar. Her mouth is tight.

"This is her shit," Eponine advises in a whisper. "Don't make me lose any more respect for you."

"I didn't mean— I wasn't thinking," he says.

"Start now."

She turns on her heel and ushers Grantaire upstairs and out of sight. Combeferre's asking Enjolras what happened while Joly gets a bundle of bar napkins and starts cleaning up the floor. Enjolras accepts a couple and starts swabbing his face clean of (and he can't help noticing, he's not trying to know that it's) soda water.

"I said something stupid," Enjolras eventually manages. "Don't worry about it."

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Honor in Crisis

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, NTT, Titans, JLI, Arrowfam, Flashfam, GL Corps, Infinity Inc

Summary: Every chapter will focus on one character specifically and then I'll update their statuses in order.

This is a no powers au/fix-it fic for Heroes in Crisis. I wanted to focus on the characters and their healing. I decided that'd be easier to put some of these characters in a fic like this and work on it more from a real-world perspective. I DO want to say that I do not believe healing is linear so don't plan on a clear-cut happy ending. I'd say (and idk for sure) we're gonna eventually get a bittersweet ending for certain characters but nothing tragic.

Chapters: 7/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Kole Weathers, Lilith Clay, Eddie Bloomberg, Michael Carter, Michelle Carter, Rani Carter, Charley Parker, Grant Emerson, Roy Harper, Grant Wilson, Joseph Wilson, Thaddeus Thawne, Bart Allen, Helen Claiborne, President Thawne, Todd Rice, Alan Scott (DCU), Damon Matthews

Relationship(s): Damon Matthews/Todd Rice

Additional Tags: No Powers AU, Canon Divergent AU, Fix-It Fic, Angst, TW // Self Harm Mention , TW // Suicide Attempt Mention

Chapter Seven: Resurface (Joseph Wilson's POV)

Joey picked at his bandages. "Joseph," his therapist whispered. Joey placed his hands flat on the man's desk. He knew it was a warning from how his therapist looked at him. His therapist was gentle, mouse-like, and clumsy. It almost brought a smile to Joseph's face how cartoonishly sheepish the man seemed. "Thank you, Joseph... Last week we spent a lot of time discussing the note you wrote to your friends and family. Were you satisfied with where we left things, or would you like to expand on your feelings about it in today's session?"

Joey shook his head and drew his hands back. He planned on going out quietly in his apartment, surrounded by his final work. He'd planned things down to the last moment, his last breath. Things still went horribly wrong, even then. He screwed up, taking in alcohol with pills, and combined with the blood loss he endured, he ended up answering a phone call. He wasn't even sure who had called him. Everything was a blur. The only thing he remembered was pain. Cracking ribs, an immediate withdrawal, pressure on open wounds, blinding lights, blaring sirens. It was an assault to all the senses, and he couldn't speak for himself with his hands bound. He winced at the memory of it.

Now that he could tell his therapist everything, he couldn't gather his thoughts. Everything played in his mind at once. His childhood, his adulthood, his failed relationships. Everything was messy and impossible to grasp without falling apart entirely. He found himself doing that a lot lately. Drifting far away with his thoughts, forgetting the present. That wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't so difficult to return to his body afterward. He used to do it on purpose as a child. It was the best way to remain positive and shut out the worst of what went on around him.

"Joseph. Please don't pick at your bandages," his therapist whispered. Hearing his first name like that called him back to his body.

"Sorry," Joey apologized, "I went away..."

"Joseph, are you aware of how long you—. You said you went away... Where did you go?" his therapist asked.

"In my head... It's like when you're swimming and fully submerged in the water... Except you don't ever have to come up for air," Joey answered, "I used to do it when I was younger when my parents argued."

"It sounds like you spent a lot of time in your head as a child," his therapist replied. Joey nodded. "Can I ask you when you started doing this?"

"I don't know... I've done this for as long as I can remember. I can't control it anymore... It just happens," Joey replied. His therapist took off his glasses and wiped them clean. He opened his mouth to speak before Joey recalled something relevant to the question. "Wintergreen... He's my father's friend. I remember he told me I could make it go away."

"It?" his therapist asked.

Joey chewed his lip. "The noise... The arguing and fighting. Most of it had to do with moving houses or my dad taking dangerous assignments," Joey replied, "It was unbearable... But Wintergreen said I didn't have to hear anything I didn't want to. I could make all the noise disappear... In my mind." Joey frowned at the memory.

Usually, the doctor was a man of few words, but Joey noticed something bubble to the surface. "I want to leave you with a question: Were you going away to protect yourself... Or were you trying to protect mom and dad?" the therapist whispered. His therapist said mom and dad the same way all the adults said it to him growing up. It wasn't patronizing. It was something else. The words were softly cushioned as if it would've been painful to hear their names. Joey appreciated the man's gentle nature.

"What do you mean?" Joey asked.

"Children can often minimize their needs when they see their parents struggling... Expressing basic needs might feel overly demanding. There might not be any fear of punishment, but there might be a hint of guilt. Do any of those feelings apply?" his therapist questioned. Joey let out a breath as if he'd been punched in the gut. He wasn't sure how to answer.

"See you next week?" Joey asked. His therapist nodded and thanked him for coming. Joey rushed out of the office and returned to his room.

His roommate sat on the bed, struggling to write something in his journal. He looked up at Joey when he heard footsteps. "Therapy kick your ass today?" his roommate asked.

"Yes... You okay, Charley? Do you want to talk?" Joey asked. Charley scratched his head. Joey wasn't in a rush for an answer. Charley understood ASL, but it took him a little longer to piece the sentences together.

"Oh, yeah. I'm alright... Well, no. No, I'm not okay," Charley replied as he flopped back on his bed. Joey sat on his bed and cocked his head. "But aren't you tired of people dumping their crap on you?"

"Dump on me, and I'll dump on you," Joey replied. Charley chewed his lip. "What's wrong?"

"Oh... Well, it's about you. I don't want you to take offense, though," Charley whispered, "Listen, I like you and everything, but I think it's fucked up what you're doing to your brother."

Joey knit his brows together and lifted his hands to reply. "No, no. What's up? He comes to visit every day, and every single day, you turn him away," Charley chastised him, "I wish I had family that wanted to see me. I've got nobody."

"You don't understand... My brother abandoned me—."

"But he came back... And he saved your life," Charley blurted out. He covered his mouth.

"Charley, say that again," Joey commanded. Charley shook his head.

"Joe—."

"Who said you could speak to my brother?" Joey asked. Joey wasn't mad at Charley. Not really. Joey knew Charley was right, but he was in shock as well. How could Grant have gotten there in time? Why was Grant there? What could he possibly want? He hadn't seen Grant in years, and he definitely didn't want Grant to see him like that. Weak, broken, pathetic. Joey wasn't in the mood to be ridiculed.

"I didn't mean any harm... He bumped into me when I was visiting my lawyer," Charley explained, "And he looked like you, so I just assumed—."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry... I don't want to see my brother, but not because I hate him. I love my brother, but he's hard to get along with. We're so different," Joey replied. Different. That was an understatement if he ever heard one. Charley tapped his pen on his journal.

"That's not what's wrong with me, though... You know I'm working through some stuff about my anger?" Charley asked. Joey nodded. "Where am I gonna go if I get out of here?"

Joey sat up straight and frowned. "Charley, I'm sorry... I didn't know—."

"Yeah, I didn't really think about it, but this week's been good... What if they make me leave... And I've got no place to go?" Charley questioned. Joey frowned. "I shouldn't be putting this on you... I should talk to Doc Morton."

Joey took a deep breath and lay down. He wanted to shut everything away and sleep, but there was still more to do. Soon it'd be time for dinner and group. Everything would keep moving. He would keep breathing and thinking and feeling... And he didn't want to.

[jetiisyandereclones]

Hi I absolutely love your content! But it does rise the question what if somehow one of the Jedi escape? Like completely off world or something? How would the clones react? As well as what would they do?

Hi! Thank you so much. And I really appreciate the ask, I get so excited to expand on my AU!

I actually had to think about this one for a bit.

So. When coming up with the Yandere clone family au, I was thinking, how are these clones gonna pay for all this? I decided that there was going to be an untapped natural reserve under the ocean that isn’t really valuable to any of the planets the kaminoans interacted with so they never thought to use it. But on one of their hunts for the Jedi the clones come across a planet where it’s nearly invaluable.

So they begin doing trade. This natural resource from Kamino, for manual labour, food, infrastructure, supplies and credits. It makes Kamino and the clones rich financially, and in resources, and due to the high value of their export, they don’t have to mine a lot of it at once, meaning they can sort of just scratch away at huge reserves, get what they need out of it and them some, have plenty for future generations and still have it keep its value. (Step 1 for any of my Yandere au’s, make them rich somehow). I like to think of this as the Wakanda/vibranium fix.

This is relevant because it means that there is at least one ship coming and going from the planet on a semi regular schedule.

This leaves the Jedi a few options.

Stow away on the clones ship

Try to steal a ship

Try to send for outside help

Stowing away on a labourer/merchants ship

Waiting to be trusted to find other Jedi and run when they leave the planet

Stowing away on a clones ship isn’t going to work.

The clones were prepared for this happening. Their Jedi are free spirits, and selfless ones at that. They were expecting them to try and get back to the cruel galaxy. If one did somehow manage to get past cameras, guards and a biometrically guarded hanger that can sense the dna of people who weren’t clones (the clones take samples of dna to store into their security system so the scanners can identify them as soon as they get into, or even near certain rooms), then they’d have to get past the scans the ship makes for life forms every hour. Any stowaways are immediately brought to the bridge, which has a holding cell (with something to sit and lie on) where the clones can keep them in eyesight, and a inhibiter cuff ion their wrist until, they get back to kamino.

Trying to steal a ship (at least alone) is just as hopeless. It’s not just the hangers that are biometrically guarded, but the ships also. Only clones can start them. So no clone, no ship. The only theoretical way to get around security measures and alarms is to force a clone to accompany you, either by physical means, or force suggestions. But you better get it right the first time. Mess it up and they’ll never trust you again. Love and adore you yes, but you’ll be kept on an extremely short leash for the rest of your life

A slightly more plausible way to get off Kamino is to send for outside help.

This would be a favourable solution for the more tech savvy amongst the families. Jedi and civilians who are familiar with communications systems may be able to figure out how to send a signal strong enough to reach another planet.

But that’s a gamble, the tech clones are always watching for unusual signals, and can intercept and spy on one easily, so you’d have to think of a way to encrypt it well enough to get past even techs scanners.

If you do manage to do it, there’s no telling who may receive that signal, or if they’ll even come. What’s worse if a Jedi does come to their side, they’ll either get shot down or captured. If they are captured the ones who sent the signal will be punished, but not too severely as it brought another family member home. If the Jedi is shot down and killed, then the one who sent the signal I’d executed. It’s absolutely the last thing the clones want to do, but they are prepared to defend their family. The one who sent the signal got another Jedi killed, therefor are a danger to the rest of them. This isn’t acceptable, and, no matter how much the clones love them, and how much pain it will cause them, the clones will put down the sender. When this happens, the senders assigned clone will often die soon after themselves, consumed by guilt and unable to live without their lover/ad’ika.

Stowing away on a trade ship could work. They aren’t biometrically guarded and the Jedi and civilians often help to load/unload the ships. If they do make in onboard, they’d better hide themselves well. The merchants are loyal to the clones, not willing to risk their trade relationship. If they find a stowaway from Kamino, it’s stun on sight and they are kept under until a clone can retrieve them. If they do make it to the merchants planet they’ll have to lie low for a while. Due to the remote nature of it, there isn’t much off world trade and most of it is done with the clones. A person could be waiting months for a ship to Coruscant, Naboo, alderaan, or corellia. By that time the clones will defiantly be hunting for you, and looking off planet.

The safest option for everyone is to play the long con. Gain the clones trust, be their good little lover/child and make a run for it when they let you go off planet. But this could take years. They have to try not to get attached to the clones themselves. They’ll love and love and love the Jedi, and the Jedi may start to break to their affections. If the Jedi does get away on a trip to retrieve a youngling, they’ll have to run far and fast, often times taking the youngling into hiding with them. If they are caught it’s game over. They’ll never leave Kamino again, never be fully trusted again.

In terms of punishment, I want to make it clear that the clones will never maliciously (in their minds) harm their family (I personally won’t write that) they don’t want to torture their family, they want to love them. Keep them sweet and warm and soft. The clones and their family have seen and experienced enough cruelty during the war, they won’t allow it to be brought to their doorstep now. Any clone found to be abusing their family is executed immediately.

The only time the clones will personally and intentionally harm a Jedi, is when they have to put one down for being a danger, and they do it quickly and painlessly. And as stated before, the assigned clone usually follows their family into the force soon after, not being able to bear being without them.

If the loved ones only make one attempt to escape, and they fail, they are taken back to the cells with an inhibitor cuff on that has a tracker. They then get a few weeks of rehabilitation and family bonding, cause if their precious family were trying to escape then they must’ve felt unloved and unwanted and that’s just not true. The clones treat this as a one time fit of desperation, a cry for help, and treat it as such, giving them undivided attention in their holding rooms, with the cuff on, of course, but it’s pretty much the same routine as when the Jedi are first brought in.

Repeat failed attempters are taken straight to an isolation cell. No company, no distractions. Just them and their cuffs turned up to an unbearable level. They are kept like this for as long as it takes for them to beg to be let out. Then the clones step in to comfort them, again becoming associated with care, love and relief. Often times when the wannabe escapee is first let out of isolation they are very weak, very emotional and vulnerable and absolutely cling to their clones. Shaking and crying while the clone holds them close, whispering and cooing reassurances as they bring them to a much nicer room to recover and spend time with their clones. They nap and watch holos and just relax and heal. The cuff however, will be replaced with a permanent fixture that will never allow the Jedi to use their full powers again, forcing them to become permanently weakened. If the Jedi is showing any signs of becoming accustomed to the lowered state of power, the cuff is turned up. These escapees are never really alone again. Escapees who aren’t jedi get the same treatment just no cuff. Because they don’t have any force sensitivity, they are more mentally vulnerable and often times don’t re attempt escape after their first trip to isolation.

Family members who make it off Kamino and are brought back get the same isolation treatment as repeat offenders. However when the cuff is replaced with a permanent fixture, one more thing is added. An internal tracker that feeds directly into their clones HUD 24/7. This tracker also includes a shock function. Should the wearer go outside the borders of Tipoca, the collar will shock them into unconsciousness, and send an alert to their clone, telling them exactly where they are.

The clones hate seeing their family in pain, but it’s the only way they can keep them safe. Their Jedi don’t understand that they don’t have to put their neck out for an ungrateful galaxy anymore, they keep trying to go back to the fighting. The clones won’t allow this to happen. Their family deserve to be happy and safe and the only place where that can happen is with them. If that means having to physically restrain them to keep them safe in Tipoca, then so be it. One day they’ll learn that they don’t have to leave their sanctuary.

Though it hasn’t happened very often, when Jedi or family members escape, certain clones are sent out to find them. If the Jedi or civilian wasn’t particularly skilled in stealth and surviving on their own, then their own clone will go after them to bring them back.

However if the Jedi or civilian has shown particular skill and talent for escape and evasion the clones will send out more specialised teams.

The squads you don’t want to have on your tail are the Wolfpack, the Bad Batch and the Alpha clones (alpha 17 and captain Fordo) They will hunt you down relentlessly to the end of the galaxy if they had to. They will not risk your safety out there on your own.

Once they find you, your immediately immobilised and tranquillised. By the time you wake up your in isolation with a cuff fitted.

@jazzthemusician

@icouldntfinditsoiwroteit

[glowingbadger]

Okay folks, get ready for a Modern Au Fluffy Megapost~

Firstly, Sylvain and Dimitri have gotten a fluff post already that you can see here if you like! I'll think about whether I have anything to add that would be relevant to a Modern AU for them, but their sections are gonna be shorter as a result.

Yuri, Felix, Ashe x GN Reader

Fluffy relationship headcanons - SFW

Yuri:

- At first, it's not really in Yuri's base nature to be soft and gentle towards a lover. "Delicate" in the cunning, teasing sense, perhaps- but vulnerable and kind? Less so. Which is why it's a bizarre feeling for him when he finds himself wanting to be softer to you- wanting to comfort you and hold you and protect you. He doesn't really know what to do with this new-found tenderness at first, but it will start to manifest in how he treats you despite himself. His tone is completely different with you, he smiles to himself whenever he checks his phone to see you've messaged him, he starts saving songs you mention to listen to later- he simply can't help it.

- He won't let on that he's got quite a lovely singing voice for some time (he intentionally doesn't audition for musicals)- but one night, as your head rests on his lap as he reviews a script for the next play on campus that he's performing in, he starts quietly humming to himself. He stops as soon as he realizes you've noticed, but you carefully say, "I'm... pretty sure I recognize that song- how does the rest go?" He indulges you, humming the rest, even peppering in some of the lyrics. But by the end, he smiles with a quirked eyebrow and pokes your cheek playfully, "Don't think you fooled me with that line earlier- you couldn't repeat a single note of that song, you were just goading me into singing it."

- After this though, he does treat you to a song or two whenever you're upset or not feeling well. He knows that, with all of the complex and duplicitous relationships he's left behind him, it's a relief to finally have something he can give you that he's never willingly given to a partner before. So when you're sick or stressed or dealing with a mental health issue, he'll stroke your hair and sing softly to you, the quiet smile you wear tugging sweetly at his heart.

Dimitri:

(most of my thoughts are in the link above)

- Dimitri loves doing boyfriend tasks for you, like carrying heavy things (really any things) for you, reaching the top shelf, opening jars (he has broken one or two), and so on. He's the type to make sure to hold the umbrella over you even if it means he gets rained on.

- He's a clumsy texter, and his messages to you are always full of type-o's and ridiculous auto-corrects. He also has every voicemail you've ever left him saved on his phone and will listen to them when he hasn't seen you for a while.

Sylvain:

(once again, he's in the link up there)

- He sends you stupid memes of animals with "this is us" typed below. Most of his signs of affection are dumb and cute but goofy like that, and getting him to actually level with you and express his genuine love and care for you can be pretty rare.

- Sylvain secretly likes romcoms, like, a lot. He tries to brush it off, saying, "Oh you know, I've just seen a lot of them on dates." but his encyclopedic knowledge of their plots and cast suggest otherwise. Once he fesses up to you though, he refuses to meet your gaze and mutters, "it's just.. nice sometimes to think that a relationship can actually be like that, y'know?"

Felix:

- He's so bad at being soft, but he wants to be for you, but also doesn't want to be because ew feelings. Which he has a lot of. This is why the main way he expresses his affection is through physical contact. It's mostly in private, where he can be super cuddly with you- but in public, he'll still find times to lightly brush his hand against yours, or an excuse to "fix" your hair, mumbling, "It's flying all over the place, hold still-" even though it's really not that out of place, he just wants a reason to touch you.

- Felix is a funny one to bring your problems to. He's actually a surprisingly good listener for someone he cares about, so he's happy to just hold onto your hand and listen to you vent about whatever's bothering you. If it's an interpersonal problem, he'll probably offer to confront or straight up fight whoever is giving you trouble, which might at least get you to laugh, even though he fully means it. But for a more serious problem, he'll quietly wipe away your tears and remind you, "Hey, listen- you just... keep living your life as you, okay? You can't be anyone else, and I don't want you to be."

- He secretly loves it when you play with his hair. While he's studying or gaming, he likes to lean back against the edge of his bed or a couch and have you sitting behind him brushing out his hair, or even braiding or pulling it up for him if you like. He finds your touch incredibly soothing, and there have even been times when he's spaced out a bit and completely forgotten what he was doing because he was just enjoying your nails along his scalp and your fingers through his hair. Honestly, it's a bit like scratching a cat's ears- he'll even subconsciously lean against you if he's not careful.

Ashe:

- 'soft' is Ashe's default state in a relationship, and it is just the cutest. He wears his affections openly on his sleeve, and if you're upset or unwell, his concern is completely obvious. When you're sick, he'll immediately start looking up your symptoms and any possible solutions, and he's always got extra pillows and blankets to lend you. He knows your favorite snacks and movies by heart, and always has them on hand for off-days.

- He loves cooking for you, and cooking with you, if you're into it. There's something so intimate and domestic about making and enjoying meals together, and he has an uncanny way of making the best of even a crappy little college dorm/apartment kitchenette. Though, you're going to have to set some strict boundaries with your friends about date nights, because if you let them, your friends and his will swarm to his cooking and mooch off of the fruits of your labor- and we all know Ashe is too nice to say no.

- Ashe absolutely wants to own a pet with you. Perhaps even before moving in together, he'll help you select a small, low maintenance pet, and he'll always be delighted to come visit it and help you take care of it. If you're living together, he definitely wants a cat or a small dog, and he's a total pet-dad about it. He'll give them cute little bandanas to wear, experiment with which brand of food they seem to like best and so on. He gets a bit shy if you tease him about his doting, but ultimately, he'll just kiss your cheek or forehead and say, "I just want to take care of you both as best I can, that's all."

[aquato-family-circus]

You said you'd be down for an au ideadump? I'm sorry but you're gonna have to slog through this now; the floodgates are opened /lh

I see all these people like "AU where Raz is made into a second maligula" like. y'all missing the obvious?

AU where AUGUSTUS is made into a second Maligula. Massive spoilers to follow, but here goes.

-He's mostly isolated with Norma throughout the game, and Norma goes to Truman when she sees something suspicious with Raz and Nona. If she was asked "Can you get that tall circus dad here for me to talk to him" then she might actually do it.

-Adding on my "Augustus and Gristol were childhood friends" idea makes it even more painful! because Gristol is the one to break all those memories to him like "Yeah uh that's your aunt." "No that's my mom?" "That's your aunt. Are you stupid? I think you're stupid."

-Also, to Gristol, he thinks "Of course my old friend would want to help me take over Grulovia again! He's my best friend, obviously his complaints are just the Psychonauts messing with his head!"

-It adds on the element of the cycle repeating itself again with a new Gzar manipulating another hydrokinetic person in that family.

-The psychic 7 all working together! Using their own powers, working in unison, like they always used to. And adding in the interns as well!! It's a very clear "Everyone you helped coming to help you" moment

-Nona gets to help her old friends!!!! HOLY FRICK YEAH!!

-I personally spread the story out over a few days so that there's time for Raz to realize his dad's gone missing, admit it to the other interns, get some quality "oh god the kid's crying -> We'll all help find him" bonding. As well, Norma realizing "Oh god wait I might've messed up a lot more than I thought" and trying to fix it before she should ask for help and admit what she did.

-Additionally, Raz going into Augustus's mind! That'd be an awesome parallel to the Meat Circus, except this time, it's the Drowned Circus. Heavy rains pelting the place, Grulovian echoes everywhere-- It's clear that he's hurting, but he's doing his best to hold back as much as he can for his family, even though Gristol's basically broken him.

-The ending is still mostly the same. Augustus gets a group hug. Lucy gets a group hug. Raz gets a group hug. Everyone gets a good ol' hug.

-Lucy and Augustus sit and talk post-ending. admitting they're both still scared, but... They've still both been invited to a big celebration for the new junior agents. They're still treated kindly.

TL;DR: I may just really relate too much to Augustus but i want more plot relevance for the dad man

MAN

I don't think I can adequately express how much I think this idea whips.

Like god, of course, Augustus is in such a vulnerable position with his own memories being messed with and him only just recently coming into his own with his psychic powers. Having the news broken to him by a person like Gristol would be such a cluster fuck and that's some tasty juicy drama.

Speaking of drama I already told you this in another message but the idea Gristol and Augusuts knew each other as kids is so fun as an au/canon-divergence. It's 100% plausible! Augustus himself said The Aquatos did perform for the Gzar! What a wild wrinkle in the history that'd be...

I'm gonna be thinking abt this the rest of the night ty for sharing

[mayday505]

Mafia boss yosano headcanon??? I need??? To know more??? Ur doing so great!!

AAAA HI !! AND THANK YOU THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME :(( Okay so i've p much said most about the mafia and Yosano that i can in other asks, so im mostly gonna focus on the ripple effect of her absence in the ADA on this one!!!!

So because in canon, the ADA has the ability to face off with the mafia with little to no consequence because of Yosano's ability (sans Dazai) its a reeeaaaallly interesting concept to think about the ramifications of basically the whole plot and how the ADA functions if she wasn't there to constantly patch them up.

In this AU, Dazai, after his encounter with Yosano and Mori, is found on the streets by Ranpo and Fukuzawa, who take him in. So essentially, the ADA is less of a physical powerhouse, and more of a cunning/intelligent organisation in the au.

(once again forcing my hcs on you. I want competitive siblings Ranpo and Dazai okay?)

Fukuzawa, at Dazai's request, when he's a bit older, teaches him how to fight. But other than that, up until Kunikida joins, they are severely lacking in physical power and as such take on much smaller jobs, focusing on intelligence gathering and things that do not require engaging powerful enemies. As they get more staff, and Ranpo and Dazai get older, they start taking more jobs which involve engaging physically with an enemy, because Dazai knows how to fight and Fukuzawa trusts him to retreat if things get bad.

From very early on there is a deadset rule in the ADA, to never under any circumstance, engage with the mafia. They are made aware of all known members and ability users within the Mafia (however, Fukuzawa is still under the impression that Mori is alive and does not know about Yosano, since Dazai refused to tell them what happened before he was taken in) and are told to avoid them at any costs, because well. They can't exactly fix bullet holes anymore or face off against ability users without the real threat of death, even though Dazai has his nullification.

The emotional stakes are much much higher (mhm angst potential im totally not gonna use this in the future /j) as if one of them gets injured it is much more serious because there is no way for them to be healed and they'd have to get whoever was injured to the nearest hospital (which this rlly isnt relevant but from Yokohama Port the nearest is about a 20 minute drive so.... whoever be getting shot gonna dieee hahahaaa)

They take mafia matters much more seriously than in canon where its often shrugged off because of Yosano's presence. Another thing, is that because Yosano is in the mafia, the mafia is stronger and has a reputation for being almost unkillable, which makes it even harder to fight them, whilst knowing that even if they fatally injured someone, that person may well not die.

However they did agree that it is better to be AWARE of what is going on in the house of commons the mafia and to be aware of their plans, and as such the ADA has connections/informants within rival gangs that are associated with the mafia or oppose it. This allows them to avoid serious injury whilst investigating a crime related to the mafia (for example if the police call them in to investigate a murder and that murder turns out to be mafia sanctioned) and avoid running into their ability users and starting terf wars. Dazai is in charge of meeting informants and building relations with the other gangs in the Yokohama area adjacent to the port mafia. He's basically in charge of damage control and anything else relating to mafia matters. Which comes into play later for bigger things ;)

When Tanizaki and Kunikida eventually join, they have the capacity to engage more, but the methodology of "avoid the mafia (or at least certain ability users) so you dont fucking die" still stands even then. It's also important because the mafia is more ruthless under Yosano's leadership than it ever was under Mori's, meaning they would shoot to kill not to maim.

Fukuzawa basically keeps a much quieter presence with the agency in the AU, out of fear of losing his kids and workers. However obviously for plot reasons I'm chomping at the bit to write them interacting with the new dynamics.

Ranpo and Yosano, instead of being best friends, are now mortal enemies, and Dazai is somewhat mentally stable (well not really but a little bit more than canon aha). He's much more similar to Ranpo too (people will tell them they act like twins) because i adore the hc that Ranpo is how Dazai would've acted had he had a proper childhood.

ANYWAYS the post is getting too long but I looove talking about this so thank you for the ask!!! I hope it was something you enjoy reading!!

[wormstar]

i was going thru ur blog and u have good posts about ableist aus and i was wondering - what if in the aus the requirements for warriors were different? Like instead of having to fight jay only hunts? Would the muddling of roles still be ableist? In a Tree-like situation?If its not presented in a "work super hard to get what you want" and more in a "yeah they can decide what he wants to do". This is mostly for jay (and cinder) specifically because they had desires to be warriors yet were forced to be medicine cats because of ableism (ig this can apply to briar but i just truly cant remember oots that well and i havent read her death). I am asking because i am still trying to unlearn the ableist mindset that i grew up with. Feel free to ignore this ask and thnx!

hey yeah thank you for asking! took the opportunity to write up more general thoughts on rewrites as a whole and i went over why exactly theyre ableist hopefully that provides a better perspective

i think the major thing to keep in mind is that the structure of the clans is very abled centric and overly ignorant of inner community work (for example dens are only solidified or altered when either the area takes damage/the clans grows wrt population) theres a fixation on marking territory and starting fights and whatever with other clans which is whats expected of most warriors to partake in. to fix those implications in any fanwork youve really gotta knead into them and understand the nature of their ableism....its not just a problem with cats being barred from being warriors its the whole occupation and the standard its held to, so to speak (+ that fits into general clan society being flawed but eh thats another thing and also its easy to branch out into thought about)

going to stress other disabled people might have other solutions to how disabled cats are received this is just how i like to think of things

first i think its kind of interesting to examine discrepancies between disabled cats in canon as somewhat of an indicator of clan attitudes and leaders and whatnot. like i think you could get something interesting by regarding lets say deadfoot in windclan and cinderpelt in thunderclan who both have bad legs yet had different experiences with them in clan life. if you wanna go a step further comparing generations like lilywhisker and deadfoot or cinderpelt and jayfeather (+ the consideration of how congenital disabilities are regarded) can also make things interesting and just give you an idea of what to do. having the clan systems stray from a clear-cut common attitude both gives you more freedom for different approaches + adds to worldbuilding anyway. imo boiling down clan society to perfect utopia just gets boring but you can have imperfections in the system that depict the disabled experience just fine. just be careful with them and the way they come across yeah?

(real quick as an in between. god just dont refer to cats/their injuries as crippled. it still happens somehow)

im a little ambivalent on the idea of creating a ‘special role’ for disabled cats to be thrown into. cause then thats a repeat of canon medicine den really. its like ‘oh youre disabled youre instantly discarded into the x role pit’ i think just adding substantial in-universe changes to the warrior rank itself (vagueness is fun actually) or expanding on ‘warrior types’ rectifies the othering angle. ‘othering’ as a whole is just as bad as the ‘exception’ archetype people run for most warrior aus i want to state that clearly. effectively if youre gonna introduce roles that dont depend on fighting or hunting or both make sure theres abled cats who have them too. like say you want a camp-based role where a cats job is to fix dens or one where they help in the nursery, its far easier for a cat who cant run to manage those but also have some cats who are physically capable of doing other ‘tasks’ do the same thing for personal reasons

the tree comparison is interesting honestly cause i guess you could just give a cat a particular thing to do as a nonfixed position. and roles accordingly being made for a cat to fill until they cant and the positions done away with afterward. but youve gotta do it carefully so you dont fall into othering as ive said. id avoid something like that personally i just dont like the quality of ‘well theyre not a warrior (the most noble/useful concept in cat society) theyre actually some other thing’

in general giving disabled cats agency and choice is the best thing you can do. whether this means them deciding on tasks they can do themselves or picking a certain kind of warrior to be or asking for an assistant to help them out when they do stuff. the way you wanna pull it off again depends on my first question of “how does the relevant part of your warrior cat world treat disabled cats already”

very important point, the majority of the ableism also comes in the form of character narratives and not just the structure of the world itself. like think for a bit why the writers decided jayfeather shouldve been forced to be a medic or why briarlight got killed off early etc etc. characters ‘wanting’ to be like the abled ideal and still being bitter about not fulfilling that years down the line are just part of the ableist storylines. if youre abled id literally say just do away with those sadstuck ‘i wanted to be a warrior!’ moments. if you really want to id say pull a cinderpelt or a shadowsight where a cats time in the medicine den started their fascination with medicine and they switched to that path due to personal intrigue. id say a more interesting and realistic angle to it is having a disabled cat who found fulfilment in doing something else besides being a warrior becoming bitter about their entire clan ‘mourning’ how theyll never fight again or giving them the pretence of being a warrior being the best thing you can do.... it depends on the character really

this is just a very basic disability thing but stray from the whole ‘useless/dead weight’ way of regarding disabled characters. like dont place their worth on how well they service a clan or not theyre still deserving of shelter and whatnot. you dont need to justify a cats existence or usefulness by going ‘well they may be blind but their sense of smell is excellent so we keep them around’ or whatever its just no good

last thing i can think of is like. dont disregard how a cats disability affects them. like its fine that briarlight cant fight (or even hunt major types of prey) she doesnt need some convoluted method that lets her do that. there are like a dozen other warriors hunting and fighting and theres present value and enjoyment in the stuff she does around camp. she doesnt have to be brightheart 2 its ok

[fakecrfan]

hey so I was thinking more about the Jongerry possesion (WHICH I LOVE) and, not to derail, but this would be such a funny setup for Jongerrymartin???

Picture: It's season three, Martin definitely has a crush on Jon and Jon probably has some sort of feelings for Martin that he refuses to think too much about. I get the sense that with their fusion, Gerry is the only one who speaks (with Gerry's voice, not Jon's) while Jon only communicates through his thoughts. What if Jon wasn't able to filter them so well? They're thoughts after all. So as Jon relays relevant information on people around the institute, Gerry can instantly tell that he's a bit sweet on Martin.

But Gerry is also a bit of a prick. And still pissed at Jon. So when their fusion finally meets Martin, Gerry's like "Ahh so this is the famous Martin, huh? I can see why you like him, Jon ;)"

Martin meanwhile, who naturally assumes that this is some circus bullshit, screams, pulls the knife he's started carrying since Peter's first visit, and stammers out a demand to tell him what the hell he is and what he did with Jon. It's oddly charming. Gerry was mostly just trying to aggravate Jon earlier, but Martin is actually quite cute, isn't he? Hm...

(Gerry probably takes too long to answer and Martin throws a nearby mug at their head. Ouch. But it's better than being stabbed and Martin even helps them ice it, later.)

-Lighthausen

Why do I even BOTHER making AUs I’m always gonna be shown up by the people in my inbox. That’s it. I’m retiring. Everyone go follow @lighthausen instead.

Okay, that aside, time for me to Expand on this. (cracks knuckles)

So Martin does pull out the knife and threaten him, but also this is season 3 Martin and something has happened to Jon so he’s also probably crying and shaking and his voice gets high pitches and he asks “What happened to Jon?” in a way that wrenches Jon’s heart, which is very annoying because Gerry also feels a pang in his chest as a result. To which Gerry grumpily decides to reach out to Comfort and goes “hey… Jon is alright. We’re planning to fix--”

But Martin takes advantage of his guard being down to grab him in a very amateur wrestling hold that Gerry nonetheless can’t get out of because Gerry is a weak bitch who never studied BJJ or anything, and Jon is like half Martin’s weight. 

“I’m going to bring you to the others and tell them!” he says. 

Jon immediately gets a pang of fear because we have a murdercop back in the Archives, worse than Julia and Trevor, we’re going to die. Gerry quickly tries to parse this panic and weaponize it

“Wait! I--urgh. If you tell them, your, um, Daisy? Definitely going to kill Jon along with me.”

Martin stops. Gerry coughs.

“But you know, I was already looking for ways to um, get out. This whole possession thing was an accident. Jon made a stupid mistake,” --I was SAVING you from them, ingrate!-- “And we’re looking to fix it. So, if you keep our secret and help out, you can still save Jon!” 

Martin lets go. He’s glowering way more fiercely than Jon believed was possible on him. “Fine. Let’s talk then.” 

Gerry shuffles around a bit, thinking before he smiles. “Why don’t we talk over, uh, coffee?”

The sensation Gerry gets from Jon is something akin to a record screech halt.

NO. 

“Coffee?” Martin asks, warily.

“Yeah, I could really use one right now,” Gerry says. 

YOU’VE NEVER LIKED COFFEE IN YOUR LIFE. I SEE YOU, LIAR.

“I mean, you know,” Gerry says, “It would help us cool off a bit, get to know each other in a nicer setting…”

“I don’t think we need to get to know each other,” Martin says. 

“I mean, you will have to know what the deal is and how this happened,” Gerry says, gesturing to the body he and Jon are currently timesharing. “But I mean, I guess Jon already has let me know a lot about you.”

DON’T YOU DARE TELL HIM ANY OF THAT! CEASE!

“Here, I’ll show you where Gertrude used to go for her morning brew,” Gerry says, gesturing. “We can talk all about you, me, and Jon there!”

NOOOOOOOOO

But Martin grudgingly follows, and that’s how he becomes the secret keeper and helper for the duo.

[hekatekun]

The metanarrative’s grand narrative: Osomatsu-san’s characterization throughout the franchise

The growing cynicism throughout the entire Osomatsu-san franchise shows itself in season 3 with more prominence than anything prior. I think that’s pretty common amongst any “long-running” gag comedy - replacing a plot with spiteful commentary that’s admittedly pretty hit or miss at times. However, it invariably creates a negative but pretty funny character growth, and I love the way the show (I’m including the movie too as “canon” material considering season 3 has referenced it way too many times for me to disregard) has set up this metanarrative across seasons. Long post ahead.

Obviously, Osomatsu-san is self-aware and has a casual relationship with itself. No linear plot (though S3 seems to be trying it out and I’ve enjoyed it - I love that they’re willing to experiment), rather a collection of unrelated skits; and so it points out its own metanarrative because of this “lack of consequences.” With comedy comes impermancy and Ososan AND -kun will always bounce back from that week’s insanity. From the Oxford Dictionary, a metanarrative is “a narrative account that experiments with or explores the idea of storytelling, often by drawing attention to its own artificiality.” Basically: a story about stories.

On top of this, is what I’m calling the “grand narrative,” which is often used interchangeably with metanarrative, but here I’m making a distinction to make it less confusing. Of course, Ososan is a story about stories, but with that comes a story it’s not directly telling, which is where most of the (little) character development is taking place. This is what I’m going to call the grand narrative of a show whose premise is being a meta-aware comedy. I’ll admit I’m by no means an expert on these subjects, but storytelling methods are something I enjoy trying to analyze. As a media format, Ososan really utilizes the fact that it’s a tv show.

Right off the bat S1E1 makes it clear what to expect: Nothing. Not a damn thing. But, the show had already been cleared for this first season, so it has to be produced. This same episode’s preview is done by Osomatsu, which I’m just gonna quote instead screenshot because there’s too many.

“...we plan on properly starting the anime the next episode.” “...you ended up with an extra minute, so you need me to do something to fill it?! Actually, is this anime going to be okay with episode one being like this? I’m getting worried about how the rest of this is going to be...” “There, I used up a minute! [EPISODE ENDS]”

Episode one is not only batshit referential, but downright mocking the state of anime in 2015. Which, truthfully, I don’t have much to comment on in that regard, as I’m not an avid anime fan. However, it does this under the premise of being indecisive about what kind of anime they wanted the Osokun reboot to be. 

They’ll do just about anything to stay popular and relevant considering that is, quite literally, all they have going for them as characters in the series and just being characters in general. They may be pieces of shit, but they’re likeable pieces of shit. The dynamics they’ve built upon to be entertaining is encouraged, and they’re basically just roleplaying different skits and fucking around.

All the AUs! All the skits! They’re just playing! They’re just fuckin’ around!! They couldn’t come up with any interesting plot nor could they “graduate” from being anime protagonists and join the real world, so they just fuck around and make a gag anime!

Even if we follow both as the audience, the show makes a difference between the what’s them in their “normal life” (crazy begets crazy, no?) and what’s their “show.” But, really, that’s just one way to look at it, as they don’t really follow any rules as a show. I could say the Joshimatsus are separate characters from the sextuplets, and it’d be a “correct” interpretation. It doesn’t really matter - I’m choosing to examine it all as being the six of them just running around and playing, because being entertaining and having fun is all they know as characters. Besides, having it blended together beyond recognition reinforces how it prioritizes entertaining us, the audience, above logic. Storytelling doesn’t need to make absolute spatial-temporal sense for it to be enjoyable to fans.

In any case, that mentality really seems to be what pushes their character development negative, as they look to reinforce habits and rituals despite them being really detrimental for them in the long run. They know they’re popular characters as is, and with really everyone from staff to fans encouraging this behavior further, so they see no point in fixing what isn’t really broken.

I found this 4 year old article from Manga.Tokyo discussing the Ososan phenomenon in Japan because while the craze died off pretty quickly in American anime circles (which deserves a whole other post), Japanese fans went fuckin’ nuts.

This portion caught my attention, as it makes sense that entitled and enabled asshole children would grow up to be entitled and enabled asshole adults. The article also goes on to compare them to idols (even beyond the F6 spoof) and that they are rooted in being comfort characters above all else. 

It’s worth a read, especially because Japanese fan response is what drives majority of the content post-S1, and, inevitably, ties into their character development. 

They know that they’re Characters, particularly Protagonists. You know what happens to protagonists? Everything works out. Just about every single story created has stuff working out for protagonists. In fact, we have a whole genre made that separates stories with bad tragic endings from our Normal Stories. Ososan is a comedy, not a tragedy, so surely there’s gonna be some payoff somewhere along the road, especially as the seasons and other content are still being pumped out. To a self-aware, entitled, enabled protagonist, assuming everything is just gonna work out for you isn’t that far off from your narrative truth.

However, Ososan is a gag anime, and a lot of gag content (like 4koma mangas) is dropped for other projects before any emotional cathartic ending is provided for characters and fans alike. So, three seasons and a movie later, nothing has happened. It’s a great idol cash cow with a Family Guy filter, and the characters (and writers) don’t even bother to hide it anymore. And I know I’m being hypocritical concerning my definition of “canon material” but I think this portion from one of the drama cds “Choroplex” basically summarizes my point:

CHOROMATSU: Wait, don’t make this into a gag! You don’t even care about becoming employed, right? KARAMATSU: There’s no way that could happen... CHOROMATSU: What kind of future are you imagining? Is it nothing but this? [HUGE PAUSE BEFORE THEY MOVE ONTO SOMETHING ELSE]

They’re parodies of themselves and are running out of ideas. Stagnation and decay is normal, if not unavoidable, at this point in time for them. They’re just 20 somethings who’ve hit a wall but they’re too scared and insecure to bring about permanent positive change. It’s easier for them to fall back into normal patterns and joke off the rest.

They have an antagonistic relationship with expectations. They can’t handle a single iota of expectations, or responsibilities. They’ve never needed to worry before, so why bother now? Once the biggest hits on the block, now they’re just guppies in the ocean, and there’s nothing they believe themselves to be able to accomplish to keep up with this big brave new world. This is epitomized in S3E15, where old man Osomatsu tells a bastardized version of the Tortoise and the Hare, blatantly projecting his feelings onto it. Again, too many screenshots so let me pull more quotes (bolding for my own reference):

“The place that the tortoise thought was the goal was not actually the goal. His journey down the road of life still continued on. The tortoise was quite tired, but he continued running anyway.” “No one actually knew who was in front anymore. There are too many people above you.” “After the tortoise found out how society worked, he thought, ‘So this is the difference in talent? No amount of hard work is going to fix this. All right. I’m done competing with others.’”

S3 has left more questionable endings than its counterparts. The last 2 skits I referenced don’t even a gag to them, and the marriage skit doesn’t play music for the entire second half of S3E5. There’s more involved too. I haven’t even brought up the rice ball twins becoming actual entertainers in their universe, or how they introduced this whole AI subplot only to reject it because All Six Of Them aren’t interested in expanding their little corner of the world. Here’s a transcript of the ending preview from S3E1:

“Hey, hey, Osomatsu here. I thought we were saved from being replaced, but I guess we get new characters next week. Man, we’re busy. New encounters, changing surroundings... We’re NEETs to begin with because all that is a pain. I guess a lot can happen after three seasons. [EPISODE ENDS]”

The sextuplets’ mindsets are extremely self-centered, which is also an environmental thing (the parents don’t even really care that they’re NEETs, for one) and an understanding of what they ought to be (epic successful protagonists). They also have a very black and white mentality, all or nothing. They’re extremely sheltered, and once they realized where they stood in society at large, they just gave up. To them the world is divided between winners and losers, and somehow, “inexplicably,” they found themselves to have fallen from grace. But they’re protagonists, that has to count for something! Everything’s gonna end up okay, right? Well... what this show has told them: No, not at all. They are consistently compared and warned of Iyami, and are perfectly aware of this fact, and have come to internalize it as a truth rather than a reversible self-fulfilling prophecy.

Too many screencaps, taken from the S3S5 marriage discussion:

JYUSHIMATSU: I wonder if we’re gonna get married someday, too. CHOROMATSU: Well, I mean... probably? I’m not exactly sure, but... TODOMATSU: What? You’re gonna get married, Choromatsu-niisan? CHOROMATSU: Huh? Well, yeah... someday.

Surprise! They have commitment issues! The same group that couldn’t commit to a fucking plot! Though their personality issues have several factors involved, I can’t overlook the theater motifs abound. Life’s a stage, and they’re performing entirely unscripted and it shows.

Do I think all of this is 100% intentional on the writers’ part? No, probably not. There’s also an extra layer here regarding contemporary Japanese commentary that I’m not familiar with, so I just ended up focusing on the characters. I can’t be in the writers’ heads, but whatever decisions are being made by executives regarding censorship and “compliance” are reflected in these character changes that result in being significantly more bitter and defeatist.

In the all or nothing, winner-take-all mentality, the only way to save face at this point, in their minds, is to own up to it - act like it’s what they wanted all along. And, hey, it’s funny to watch, right?

“Why is Osomatsu all my examples”, you might be asking. Well, he’s the damn blueprint for it all. The leader of the bunch, the first personality to grab your attention, has had all his issues projected and ricocheted in their echo chamber.

Ultimately, my point here is that you could think their “canon characterizations” (though canon means nothing in a show like this) as being intertwined with the nature of their self-aware existence. They’ve shown you all their tricks, the smoke and mirrors are getting boring, and they’re stalling long enough the story seems to be moving on without them - in spite of them. And when something genuinely threatens their way of life, they don’t know how to respond.

You can play it all straight, of course. Remove the meta jokes and all the same plot points can be hit, but, as a slapstick comedy, it’s able to easily add this additional layer in that I appreciate. I’ve said it in my last post and I’ll probably say it in more, but with comedy comes sincerity - the caveat of all the cartoon violence is that, on some level somewhere, this is how they really feel.

[clumsyclifford]

ok hello i absolutely love all ur fics, you’ve just got a certain quality in ur writing that is just… mmm. yeah so anyway, do you have any advice on how to improve or just how to write?? (especially fic cause personally i struggle with that more than original stuff??)

hello!! that is very kind of you to say thank you <3

advice on how to write. oh boy. oh man. well i can try. i will do my best. i will also try to be brief but we all know how that song goes

update from having finished answering this: alright. okay. this is not only long, but decidedly english teacher-y. i’m sorry that i am the way that i am. this is what you get for asking a leo for writing advice. am i joking? maybe. maybe not. anyway. this post got away from me in a big way so here’s a read more. warning: LONG post under the cut.

1. study your characters. for RPF like the band stuff i write, that literally means watching interviews, watching them perform, seeing how they interact with each other, picking up on their mannerisms (behavior) - what they do with their hands, if they repeat themselves or stutter when they talk, the quality of their voice when they're talking about different things, and so on. also keep track of things they mention a lot in interviews especially about each other - for example jack has mentioned before that alex has an annoying habit of twirling his hair when he zones out. that kind of thing. IMPORTANT NOTE!: you don’t have to use all of this information. just like studying for anything, you collect all the information you can and then you parse through it and use whatever you think will contribute or be relevant to your story.

2. remember that characters are people. or at least they’re representing people, which is an important distinction (see #3). still, considering that your characters are people can be a helpful way to get out of your head. see, characters are supposed to be archetypical, and fulfill a role, and say certain things in certain ways and never really deviate from that. but people are highly unpredictable and behave in random ways for random reasons and have thought processes that are unfathomable. people will just do fuckin’ whatever. if you’re worried that your characters aren’t behaving in a believable way, keep in mind that you’re trying to make your characters represent people, and people’s behavior is justifiable any number of ways. people just do shit.

3. remember that characters are not people. sike! no but seriously, this is just as important to remember. unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, characters are never going to be people. that’s a good thing for stories, though. characters can pick up on nuance in senses that people can’t - they can distinguish between different facial expressions, different smells, different sounds - BUT ONLY INSOFAR AS IT MOVES THE STORY ALONG. in other ways, characters are ridiculously oblivious. you can use this to your advantage. in fact, a lot of the time, you have to. if your character notices right away that someone is flirting with him, then you can’t write a 30k slow burn, for example. characters don’t do that thing humans do where they go “what?” but then halfway through the re-explanation they register what’s been said. pretty much everything characters say has meaning. (by this i don’t mean semantic meaning, i mean significance - characters don’t really just say “what?” because they didn’t hear what someone said, they say “what?” because they can’t believe it or they don’t understand it or they refuse to understand it. characters never seem to run into the didn’t-hear-them problem. must be nice.)

characters can do whatever you want or need them to do, because you’re in charge of them. (sometimes this doesn’t feel true - mine do all kinds of shit and i just have go “well alright then” - but it is true.) they are gears in a story. you decide when and how they turn.

4. dialogue is your friend. i am super super biased here, because i looove writing dialogue. if you talk to sam about this i’m sure she would say that description and narration are the ways to go. but you came to me, so i get to say that dialogue is god. i don’t want to say that dialogue is the only method of communication (i know nonverbal communication is real), but dialogue is the fastest and most effective method of communication, and by extension, the most effective way to advance relationships between characters. now. obviously there are exceptions. if characters are kissing, they’re probably not doing a lot of talking. if they’re trying to be undercover or discreet, they’re more likely to rely on gestures and facial expressions than speaking. if you’re writing a very peaceful scene, you might not want to undercut it by adding a lot of chit-chat. but i maintain that dialogue is the best way to move a story along, for a few reasons. 

first, at least for me, too much description is just tiring. depending on how skillful the writer is (sam), i can read a fair amount before i hit my limit, but unlike in mean girls, the limit DOES exist. you don’t want to over-describe the world (see #5). second, i find that dialogue is a really really good indicator of a person’s character. this is especially true and relevant in fanfiction, which is a lot more character-driven than original fiction in many ways. also, in a sec i’m gonna talk about showing [not/and] telling, which is every english teacher’s bitch, but dialogue is a really good way of showing who a person is and also a good way to establish facts about the universe. you could just narrate and be like “Jack hated waking up early,” and that works and in many cases it’s perfectly legit. but you could also do something like this:

“What the fuck,” Jack mumbled, still half asleep. “You better have a really fucking good reason to be waking me up this early. Like someone better have fucking died.”

and sometimes that’s just a more fun way to say it. (for the record you can also show AND tell here! there’s no reason why you can’t have this line of dialogue and then a line in the narration confirming how very much jack is not a morning person!)

the last reason why i am particularly fond of dialogue is because i am also particularly fond of communication, which is a preference thing. let’s face it, guys: characters aren’t gonna communicate if they’re not literally actually talking to each other. dialogue means talking to each other. talking to each other means solving problems, fixing (or creating) conflicts, understanding each other better. i love communication, ergo, i love dialogue. And You Should Too. 

5. describe the world, but don’t over-describe. i opened this fic earlier and it was like “jack was excited to wake up to go to his first class at the university of baltimore” and i just. i was like is this really relevant. do i really need to know this. and i never found out because i closed the fic but in my defense it was on wattpad and i had only opened it out of curiosity. look. there are three ways to use details in fic. (a) introduce them right away (b) introduce them when they become relevant or (c) don’t introduce them at all. let me give you some examples. 

(a) say your character A (i’m using jack because i’m used to him) wakes up. he’s in his room in his house off-campus. character B (rian) walks into the room. this might be a good time to explain that rian is his housemate. to that point: “show not tell” is a good rule, but sometimes “show and tell” is just as good. e.g.: 

Rian walks in, holding Jack’s Green Day shirt and looking irritated. That’s really nothing new; Rian looks irritated at Jack roughly once a day. Being housemates for a year will do that to a friendship.

boom, now you’ve let everyone know they live together without throwing it in their face, and you’ve also told everyone that these two guys are friends and have been friends for at least a year but probably longer. you showed it by having rian walking in holding jack’s shirt - usual housemate behavior - but you also told it in a subtle way that established the relationship and some kind of history between these two. well done.

(b) sometimes you want a certain detail to make an impact. this is the kind of thing you hold onto and don’t specify, and in certain cases you leave the reader wondering, “well what about x?” and then when you finally explain x they go ohhhhhhhhhh. yknow. the italicized oh. consider the following:

(A)

“Alex is in my bio class,” Rian says, referring to Jack’s ex-boyfriend of last year.

Jack frowns. “So? Why should I care?”

“He’s my lab partner,” Rian says. “I have to spend a lot of time with him.”

“I don’t care what you and Alex do,” Jack says. “But you should know he sucks at bio.”

Rian gives Jack a look. “First of all, that’s not true, he’s incredibly smart. And second, I’m telling you as a courtesy, because I thought you might not want your ex-boyfriend hanging around our house after he broke your fucking heart.”

(B)

“Alex is in my bio class,” Rian says.

Jack frowns. “So? Why should I care?”

“He’s my lab partner,” Rian says. “I have to spend a lot of time with him.”

“I don’t care what you and Alex do,” Jack says. “But you should know he sucks at bio.”

Rian gives Jack a look. “First of all, that’s not true, he’s incredibly smart. And second, I’m telling you as a courtesy, because I thought you might not want your ex-boyfriend hanging around our house after he broke your fucking heart.”

the only difference between these two excerpts (which i just wrote lol they’re not from anything real) is that the second one doesn’t explain who alex is right away. that makes it way more interesting when rian reveals who alex is a few lines later. magic.

(c) take this college au that we’ve established here. where does it take place, you ask? easy answer: it doesn’t matter. you don’t need to say what school they’re at. this will make your job easier, because then no one can fact check you, and it also means you don’t have to decide what school they’re at. but even if you do decide, it’s not usually necessary to say. believe me, you can go thousands of words without ever needing to specify what school they’re at. you know why? because it doesn’t matter. and no one cares. and as soon as you specify in canon that they’re at a particular school, you are bound to be accurate to everything that school does, and that makes your job way more difficult than it needs to be. as hazel once said, work smarter, not harder. 

6. adverbs are also your friend. (yknow, words that describe verbs, typically ending in -ly, like “loudly” or “angrily” or “smoothly”.) ESPECIALLY when it comes to dialogue tags. (dialogue tags are the things you add to dialogue to say who’s talking and how they’re talking - like “he said” or “he whispered” or “he earnestly explained” or whatever). a lot of the writing advice you’ll see nowadays will usually guide you away from overusing dialogue tags other than the classic “says/said” and i STRONGLY concur with that advice. things like yelled, cried, mumbled, snapped - these are very good in moderation, when you’re really trying to emphasize the way a person is speaking. the more you use them, the less impact they have. in most cases, a simple “he said [adverb]” will do. instead of “he snapped” consider “he said curtly/sharply/coldly.” instead of “he mumbled” consider “he said quietly/clumsily/softly.” I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THESE ARE NOT DIRECT SYNONYMS. every word has a nuanced and slightly different meaning and that is the BEAUTY of the english language!!!! all i’m saying is that in many cases, a verb can be replaced with an adverb to achieve roughly the same effect, without making the reader feel like they’re scanning a thesaurus.

and speaking of a thesaurus: it’s not cheating to use outside resources like thesaurus.com to help you come up with words. i fuckin love thesaurus.com. i use that shit all the time for everything. i use it when i’m writing emails. i used it just now to write that last paragraph. thesaurus.com is your BEST friend.

7. grammar. (and spelling but that’s really a given.) unfortunately if i tried to teach you all of the essential rules of grammar this post would exceed tumblr’s previously-nonexistent word count limit. so i’m not gonna teach you any of them. this is just a general point to suggest that if/when you’re writing, have someone you trust, with a good grasp of grammar, look over it. of course it doesn’t have to be perfect or AP style or anything like that. readers will overlook a certain amount of grammar mistakes and every reader has a different threshold. but in general, as a grammar geek and former journalism editor-in-chief, i have a duty to my grammurai code to preach the importance of grammar in writing. good grammar does not necessarily mean good writing and vice versa, bad grammar does not necessarily mean bad writing, but bad grammar makes good writing a lot harder to read, and in some cases will even obscure your actual meaning. so please, have someone read it. for the record this is me offering up my services. i am very good at fixing grammar. i have lots of weaknesses in writing but grammar is one of my strengths. please prioritize grammar. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

***

okay so now that i’ve said all of this shit and pretended to be an expert and embodied everyone’s tenth grade english teacher, let me add one very important disclaimer:

none of this is always relevant.* writing is an art, not a science. you are never going to be following all of the rules, all of the time. you shouldn’t. it’s good to know the basics of constructing a plot, establishing a character, showing and/not telling, moving the story along. but a lot of this advice is really subjective and heavily influenced by my writing experience and habits and tendencies and preferences, and those are simply not generalizable to the world. i am a sample size of one and science dictates that that means my results cannot be statistically significant. i am just some guy. earlier i said you don’t want to over-describe the world. but maybe you do! maybe you’re really into worldbuilding and you want people to know what they’re getting into. maybe you’re like sam, and you just don’t feel as confident in your dialogue skills but you love painting word pictures. i said that adverbs are your friend, but maybe you just prefer to use verbs. maybe you don’t want ANY dialogue tags and you want the reader to interpret the dialogue based on context and content. i said that characters aren’t people and they won’t behave like people, but maybe you’re trying to write hyper-realistic characters. maybe you’re just going for believability over narrative. WHATEVER. the point is, rules are made to be broken. no one is going to have The Answer for How To Write Good because there isn’t just one answer. every single writing rule has exceptions and you can be that exception as many times as you want.

*except grammar. grammar is fucking always relevant.

i hope any of this advice was helpful to you, even though i english teacher-ed the fuck out of it. and for what it’s worth, i approached this as if you were a relatively novice writer, but i know absolutely jack shit about your writing prowess and experience and habits. so maybe you already know all of this and none of what i’ve said is helpful at all. if you have a more specific problem, i would be happy to try and help. if you’re hoping for more specific feedback, i’d have to read something of yours first - but again, happy to try and help. i don’t know if you can tell but i loooove writing and english and grammar and all of this shit and it would be my honor. i have now spoken so long that james madison himself is begging me to shut up so i’ll stop here but thank you for coming by and giving me the opportunity to expatiate a shit ton. and GOOD LUCK i forgot the most important advice of writing which is HAVE FUN LOVE WHAT YOU WRITE AND WRITE WHAT YOU LOVE OKAY BYE

[high-petroleum]

You gonna talk more about this AU you mentioned?

The Arty-Mike AU? Granted the name is still pending but sure! It’s essentially a rewrite or atleast weak schematics of a rewrite that gives off the scenario of what if Arty wasn’t Arty but someone that (at the time) was recently revealed to be an integral part to the lore. For me, Arty was heavily under utilized, he was introduced in the beginning of the story, eventually forgotten about, only to come back to say something douchey after Charlie died and yeah he could’ve been used multiple ways but I also obsessed over what if Michael was involved in the books— like what I’ve observed was that the only afton kid that was involved in the trilogy was Elizabeth and I was like “That seems strange, if Elizabeth was involved; wouldn’t the other kids be as well or at least mentioned or made a cameo?” So I went with the idea of involving Michael into the story as someone who does cause legit conflict within the group but does mean well as a person , the anti-dave. by the time that the second book came out? Michael was a recently relevant character, his cutscene was still sort of fresh and adding him in would’ve made him more involved, more impactful to the story. After I thought of this, I started mapping out a path of how this Michael got to point A to point B compared to his games counterpart, eventually having the idea of making him, Arty. Once I did that, I started mapping out events and how would differently if Arty was just Michael under an alias’. I even started mapping out things he probably did before then like he might’ve been at the ceremony in the silver eyes, He might’ve been watching them this entire time, especially when he notices that one of them is a girl that was supposed to be dead. I wanted to make Michael someone who’s been investigating this for years, like he probably dug up dirt that not even Clay would’ve gotten his hands on (such as Original Charlie’s Disappearance, How Henry wasn’t responsible for the missing kids, Clues that might’ve actually lead to the real killer etc.)

Michael would essentially be a somewhat involved character from the start; it would also go hand in hand with his canon counterpart who also was trying to follow his dad, pick up the peaces, clean messes and eventually, help stop the real killer. It also would give the idea that not all aftons ended up being shaped into a twisted monster like Elizabeth. That even out of all the evil in the world, out of all the evil in one family that came from one man— one of his own ends up aiding the good.

The AU has it’s quirks and I do intend to fix them but thanks for asking!

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

Into The Dark Side pt 1

So I wrote this a few months ago, and I wasn’t gonna post it until it was finished, but it felt kinda relevant after yesterday’s episode so here, take it

No Spoilers!! I didn’t add anything since yesterday (except for like fixing some grammar mistakes) so none of it was influenced by the ep. It’s an AU either way

Word Count: 2400

Rating: Teen

Pairing: gen

Warnings: swearing, suggestive language, threats of violence (Remus stuff)

~~~START~~~

“I want you to make me a Dark Side.”

Deceit raised an eyebrow at both the odd request, and the fact that the other Side thought he could just barge into his study without knocking. “Excuse me?”

“I know that you control the separation between the so-called ‘Light Sides’ and the ‘Dark Sides’. I want you to turn me into a Dark Side.”

“Indeed,” Deceit replied thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair. He was hoping to come off as casual and aloof, but on the inside, he was completely lost. “I definitely follow. Light Sides ask to become Dark Sides all the time, it’s never the other way around.”

“Thomas frequently asks for my opinion, but once I have given it, my opinion is ignored. I believe my function would be performed more efficiently if I were working behind the scenes, so to speak.”

“Yes,” Deceit leaned forward, steepling his gloved fingers under his chin. “Because Dark Sides are known for being listened to and respected.”

“If my opinion is not going to be listened to, then I would prefer everyone stop asking for it.”

“Hmm, very well. I won’t fulfill your request, but just know, everything in life is free. There is never a price to pay.”

“I do not care. I shall pay, whatever the price.”

Deceit smirked at the other Side, and held out one hand. “Then won’t you shake a poor sinner's hand?” He purred, watching the other Side closely.

He took Deceit’s hand without hesitation and was immediately engulfed in a blinding yellow light. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was Deceit muttering “transformation central.”

~~~

“-you to make me a Dark Side-”

“-definitely follow-”

“-opinion is ignored-”

“-never a price to pay-”

“I do not care.”

Logan woke up in his bed, glasses still on his face. His room looked exactly the same except everything was in black and white.

Odd. Do all Dark Sides see in monochrome or is this some sort of practical joke played by Deceit?

He was scanning around the room, trying to decipher whether or not Deceit held up his side of the bargain, when he noticed that the lights were off. A glance at the clock told him that it was 5:30 am, much too early for him to be able to see anything more than vague outlines without a light on, let alone the most minute details on his periodic table poster.

Extremely odd indeed.

Cautiously, Logan made his way across the room to the light switch. He flicked the lights on, and suddenly all the colors of his room returned.

Interesting

Curiously, he switched the lights off again. Everything lost color immediately, but not clarity.

Very interesting. Perhaps Dark Sides can see in the dark. Further testing is required.

Leaving the lights off — he could see perfectly well in the dark so why waste electricity? —Logan headed to the bathroom attached to his room to begin his morning ablutions. He didn’t make it very far, however, because as soon as he caught sight of his reflection, he realized why he could see so well in the dark.

Ah, this is what Deceit must have meant when he said there was a price to pay.

All Dark Sides had animal traits. Deceit had snake scales covering random parts of his body, as well as a single snake eye and a forked tongue. Lust - while technically a Neutral Side - had black markings around his eyes, as well as having swan-like wings that jutted out from his back. Apathy also had black marks around his eyes - though his trailed down his face while Lust’s swooped back towards his ears - as well as an overly-large fuzzy sweatshirt that’s sleeves extend well past the tips of his fingers. Greed had intermittent scales like Deceit, though his were larger and shinier, and sometimes smoke came out of his mouth. Jealousy had opposable toes and a prehensile tail. The Duke had tentacles. And Anxiety… Well, Anxiety hid his animal traits well, but Logan was sure that he had some somewhere.

(And then of course there was Malice, Pride, and Rage, but while Logan was aware of their existence, he had never seen them before, and therefore did not know what animals they were represented by, nor how their traits manifest.)

Logan now had animal traits too. His glasses were now round with thick frames, and while his prescription hadn’t changed, they were now magnifying his eyes, making them look overly large and round. His eyebrows had gotten bushier and seemed to be permanently downturned, making him appear to be perpetually glaring. And worst of all, his hair no longer lay flat in a simple, professional style, but rather created two spikes on his head that seem to line up with the angle and trajectory of his eyebrows.

He was an owl. A great horned owl to be precise - and while owls were not known to be any more intelligent than any other type of bird, Logan understood that Dark Sides’ animal traits came from Thomas’ perception of animals, rather than from the actual behaviors of said animals.

This shall… take some getting used to. Still, it’s hardly a great price.

After several minutes of trying - and failing - to get his hair to lie flat, he gave up and decided to just start his day like he always did - with a strong cup of coffee and a nice, healthy breakfast.

Perhaps the hardest part of getting to the kitchen was that, other than his room, everything in the Dark side of the mindscape was a mirror image of how it was in the Light side, though, the fact that there were significantly more doors, and a good number of extra hallways that Logan — even with his more enhanced night vision — could not manage to see down didn’t help. It took him longer than he’d like to admit to make it to the kitchen, and when he got there, he was surprised to find he was not the only one awake.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Anxiety was sitting on top of the fridge, eating chips right out of the bag, and staring down at him.

Logan bristled a bit, which unfortunately meant his hair and clothes flared out like feathers on an agitated owl.

Unfortunate. I should make a note of that for the future.

Thankfully, Anxiety didn’t laugh at him (he wants to, though), instead he just continued to stare at Logan expectantly.

“What’s with the owl getup?”

“Ah, that. I made a deal with Deceit to become a Dark Side.” Logan answered, trying to regain his dignity. Anxiety stiffened at the answer.

“What was the price?” Anxiety demanded, gaze scanning quickly over the room, resting for a moment on a dark hallway that didn’t exist on the Light side, returning to Logan only when he found nothing to be out of place or unusual other than Logan himself.

“This, I presume,” Logan stuck his arms out to show off his unfortunate shirt-feathers. “I’ve become part owl. A bird characterized in popular media as being exceptionally smart, though in reality is of average intelligence for avians. A more accurate choice would have perhaps been a crow or a parrot, both of which are not only considered smart for avians, but for animals in general.”

Anxiety began shaking his head long before Logan finished his rant. “The animal traits are part of the gig, teach, not the price. What did Deceit ask for in return for making you a Dark Side?”

“I, uh, do not know,” Logan admitted slowly. In his haste to become a Dark Side, he had brushed off Deceit’s mention of a price, and now he was faced with the fact that he didn’t know what he paid.

“You don’t know?” Anxiety asked incredulously. Perhaps Logan should have been a little more like Anxiety. Anxiety would have never made a deal if he didn’t know exactly what the deal was, his overly cautious nature was what made Thomas double check the locks in his apartment before going to bed.

“No… I do not.”

“For being the smart one, you sure are a clueless moron.” Anxiety jumped off the fridge in one fluid motion, landing lightly - almost silently - on his feet in front of Logan. “C’mon, we’re gonna go ask Deceit what you paid.”

There was no room for argument as Anxiety grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the kitchen. Anxiety didn’t appear to be thrown off by the mirror image layout, or by the mysterious extra doors and hallways, but Logan supposed that was to be expected.

He has always lived here; he would know his way around much better than I. In fact, he would probably describe the Light Side as being a mirror image, despite the fact that it has the same basic layout as Thomas’s apartment.

“What are these extra hallways?” Logan asked curiously as they passed by two, one on either side. “And there appear to be a great number of extra doors.”

“Don’t go down hallways you can’t see down, and don’t open doors if you don’t know where they lead,” Anxiety ordered sharply instead of giving a proper answer.

“Why?” Anxiety let out an annoyed hiss, and yanked Logan to a stop.

“Just. Don’t.” He released his grip on Logan’s wrist and turned to the door that they’d stopped in front of. “We’re here.”

Anxiety rapped on the door three times. Nothing happened.

“Dee!” He called, knocking again, louder. “I know you’re in there! Open the d-”

The door flew open suddenly, banging loudly from its impact with the wall. A tentacle shot out of the impossibly dark room, wrapped around Anxiety’s wrist, and yanked the Side into the abyss before Logan could even process what was happening.

Barely a second later, another tentacle wrapped around Logan’s wrist, and yanked him into the room as well. The tentacle let go of him, and the door slammed shut again behind him, cutting off the only source of light in the pitch-black room.

“Anxiety!” A voice chuckled. “You never come to visit me! Oh I’m so touched!”

“Get off of me, Duke!” Logan could hear struggling a few feet away where both the Duke and Anxiety’s voices were coming from - as well as an interesting squwelshing noise. “I’m looking for Deceit, why are you in his room?”

“Oh, emo, you’re so funny!” The Duke laughed. “Deceit’s gone.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh yeah, seems he made a trade with a certain, discontent Light Side. I came across this empty room this morning and though it could fit sooo many butts in here, so it’s mine now!”

“Though I loathe to place myself in the middle of this conversation,” Logan interrupted. “Why can’t I see anything?”

“Cuz it’s not your room, dipshit,” Anxiety snapped.

“Now, Anxie, be nice to the nerd,” the Duke cooed. “He’s not from here.”

Suddenly, the lights flickered on, allowing Logan to take in their surroundings for the first time. The room was empty other than for himself and the other two Dark Sides, with nearly pristine white walls and carpet - though a splattering of… interesting colors littered the area around the Duke’s feet. Logan was about a foot away from the door with a tentacle reaching past him towards the light switch.

The Duke was standing in the approximate center of the room, about five feet away from Logan. His two human arms were wrapped around Anxiety, trapping his arms to his sides, lifting him off the ground, and clutching him to the Duke’s chest, while two of the Duke’s tentacles are wrapped around his legs to keep the anxious Side from kicking.

“Great,” Anxiety commented sarcastically. “Now lemme go you slimy-“

The Duke’s final tentacle wrapped around Anxiety’s head like a gag, cutting off whatever expletives were about to come out of his mouth.

“That’s better!” The Duke cheered. “Oh! My my, Anxiety, I didn’t know you were so kinky!”

The words spurred on another round of struggling from Anxiety, but the Duke held fast.

“Now, Archimedes,” the tentacle that had turned the lights on then wrapped around Logan’s wrist and pulled him closer to the conversation, though it was considerably gentler than when it had dragged him into the room - less like being kidnapped and more like having a child excited to show him something. “You can’t see in the dark in other Side’s spaces, it’s rude! You can only see in the dark in your room, and the common spaces.”

“What about all those hallways I couldn’t see down?” Logan asked, ignoring the silent glare coming from the trapped Anxiety.

“Oh those?” The Duke leaned in close enough that Logan could smell his foul breath. “Those are where the Darkest Sides live. The ones that give poor wittle Morality and Anxiety nightmares.” The Duke punctuated this by licking Anxiety’s cheek. “The ones that Deceit keeps under strict lock and key because even he’s afraid of letting them out.”

“Pride, Rage, and Malice,” Logan guessed.

“And me, of course.” The Duke dropped Anxiety in order to pose dramatically, arranging his tentacles around himself menacingly, but artistically.

Definitely Roman’s brother.

“But as I’m sure you know, Raerae, Octopi can fit through any opening they can get their beak through. All Deceit’s horses and all Morality’s men can’t keep me in the darkness forever. Every now and then, I get out and share all my fun ideas with Thomas.”

“Your ideas aren’t fun!” Anxiety hissed from the corner where he’d retreated to as soon as the Duke had released him. Logan noted his defensive stance, darkened eyeshadow, and involuntary hissing, and wondered if Anxiety’s animal traits were perhaps that of a racoon. “Now let us out!”

“Sorry, Tickle Me Emo,” the Duke giggled. He reached a tentacle out to open the door, but instead of the dimly lit hallway Logan and Anxiety had come from, beyond the door was pitch black. “I can’t open doors to the Dark Side unless someone lets me — like you did earlier when you knocked — but since Jay Jay the Jet Plane’s flown the coop, ~no one’s gonna come looking for you,~” the Duke advanced towards Anxiety, his posture and tone becoming less friendly and more menacing. “It’s just you, me, and Pigwidgeon here.”

~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~

To be clear: Lust is a swan, Apathy is a sloth, Greed is a dragon, and Jealousy is monkey

Ten points if you guess Virgil’s animal traits

Twenty points if you guess what Pride, Malice, and Rage are

General Taglist: @royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple