#what are you doing to contribute to the community hm?

[nottswitch]

people who complain about the lack of fics and demand new stuff from writers are usually the ones who don’t have a single fic reblog on their account. hm. how funny is that.

[rileyslibrary]

“You need to.”

“Need is a strong word, soldier; I need water, food, and sleep.” He states and points at the bunny costume you’re holding. “Now, this, I don’t need to do.”

“Come on, Lt., do it for the kids!” You beg.

He looks out the window at the funfair outside. Christmas, Easter, and Halloween festivities are held yearly at the local park, and the military base is expected to contribute somehow. Things like cooking and baking for example, or helping with the construction of the rides, and assisting with the general operations, were a few of the tasks you had to undertake. Apart from the famous egg hunt, the community has organized a variety of other activities this year, including egg and spoon races, potato sack races, and pony rides.

“Why don’t you put it on then if you care so much about the kids?”

“I’m on face-painting duty.”

“Why can’t I do the face-painting?” He asks, pointing at his black-painted, camouflaged eyes.

“We talked about this, Lt.,” you say and extend the costume to him, “you were the chosen one.”

The phrase ‘the chosen one’ was an exaggerated one but, in some ways, accurate. A few days before such events, the base held a raffle to determine who would perform as Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. This year’s ‘lucky’ winner happened to be Ghost. You never did that for Halloween though, since there wasn’t an official ‘mascot’ apart from the pumpkins, and according to the Captain, “you were all monsters anyway.”

“I bet Soap planned all this,” he snaps, pointing to the fair outside, “I bet he rigged the raffle and wrote my name on every single ticket: Riley, Riley, Riley, Ri-”

He stops upon hearing your long sigh. “Soap would never do something like that,” you shake your head.

“Oh, yeah?” he asks, peering out the window again. “Where is he anyway?”

“He’s helping the kids at the shooting gallery,” you admit and quickly regret it.

“I’d be great at teaching kids how to aim!” he yells, raising both hands, “why does he get to do that?”

“You’d be the star of the show, Ghost!” you encourage him as you wiggle the suit. “The Easter Bunny!”

“I don’t want to be a star, soldier,” he snaps, shooing the costume away, “plus, I hate dressing up.”

“Um, Lt., sir?”

“Hm?”

“You’re wearing a mask with a skull on.” You murmur, raising your brows.

“That’s for a different reason, and you know it.” He stiffens and narrows his eyes at you.

You must come up with a solution quickly. There’s no way to persuade an grown ass man, especially a frightening one like Ghost, to dress up in a fluffy costume and cosplay as an imaginary character if he doesn’t want to.

“You can’t go outside with that cover of yours, especially on Easter,” you explain. “Now, this, on the other hand, comes with a full mask on...” You say and lift the bunny costume by the shoulders.

He groans and rolls his eyes. That’s his way of contemplating the idea.

You shrug and look at the costume. “I’d consider it a deal, to be honest.”

He looks at the costume, then back at you, takes the costume from your hands without saying a word, and goes to the toilet to get changed.

A short while later, he returns, this time in the form of a 6.5-foot-tall, fluffy, white bunny with pink ears. His hands—or rather, his paws—are hidden in the costume’s pockets, and he diverts his masked face away from you.

You swallow your laughter and nod vigorously in response.

“So, what do I do now?” he asks defensively. 

“Just act like the Easter Bunny.”

His ears and whiskers wiggle as he turns to face you. “How does the Easter Bunny act, soldier?”

That’s an excellent question. See, the Easter Bunny is cheerful and quite energetic. Ghost, on the other hand... well, let’s just say he’s doing a pretty good job on Halloween at the House of Horrors.

“J-just wave at the kids, Lt.,”  you shrug and hand him a basket full of Cadbury creme eggs, “and blow the occasional kiss.”

“Like this?” he asks naively and pats the mask’s buck teeth with his paw.

“Yes sir,” you reply, looking down at the floor to hide your smile, “exactly like this.”

[earthytzipi]

hm. gotta be honest, i don't understand why people characterize donnie as hiding his emotions in fandom. I feel like, maybe it's just a misunderstanding of autism in general? so here, have an internet-speak version of a character analysis:

first, you guys need to know that alexithymia makes it so you're not processing your emotions. which can fool you into thinking you don't have them at all, even if you're actively demonstrating emotions. and this can contribute to flat affect, especially if you only have a flat affect on occasion.

I would not say it's common for people with alexithymia to be deliberately hiding emotions. I'm not even sure it's possible for a lot of us, honestly. if all I can identify is "bad," at best, how am I supposed to smoothly hide my emotions behind an inscrutable expression? if that happens, it's not on purpose.

donnie definitely has alexithymia. see:

donnie has never once in canon tried to hide his emotions, at least to my knowledge. he never shows signs of being embarrassed by genuine emotion- surprised, maybe, but not embarrassed. hiding them is not something someone whose: "oh, uh, I'm really... sad?," the best he can do to mimic an emotion he's not feeling, would be able to do. he's canonically a terrible liar, too: "what??! I said mystic-free!!"

if nothing else, "I don't normally feel things but that one got through" should be an indicator that he's not hiding his emotions. it's, again, not that he isn't *having* them (he so is) but that he's not *processing* them as emotions.

I'm not sure if this is just another "allistic and autistic people have a serious communication barrier where both sides fail to understand the other," or what. I would just love to stop seeing that characterization in fandom 😅 also GIFS! to prove my point. a character who was unfeeling/deliberately hiding their emotions would not be like... this whole situation:

[feefymo]

Abt the game of the fic combination pls

Character: Pre-Cult Kai Anderson

Kink: pegging

Word: first time

(c) Lee

WARNINGS! WARNINGS EVERYWHERE! My dear anon, hi! Well, it wasn't easy. It was my first time writing for Kai (an insidious and deeply controversial character for me) and starting from his pre-cult version represent a great and exciting challenge! I'll be honest: the plot is thin compared to the smut but I hope you'll like my choices relating to the sexual sphere of "that Kai"! Have fun!

"Ssssure, bro. Squeeze those brains properly." Vincent, Kai's older brother, had appeared at the top of the basement stairs to remind him of a weekend commitment. For his part, Kai had closed the laptop in a snap, rolling his eyeballs in his skull before giving his relative a kind of formal smile. A grimace, on which his eyebrows pressed impatiently. "Sooner or later he'll realize that I can't stand him." the boy stated monotonously, reopening the computer and then stuffing a Cheetos into his mouth. You leaned over to lick the thumb of his hand that remained in mid-air, thus regaining all of Kai's attention in an obsidian gaze. "He's already noticed. You said it yourself: he's a shrink."

You and Kai Anderson had met on a dating app through which you discovered you lived on the same street. Neither of you were ever too excited about the idea of ​​going out, which is why you had never met before. In short, you had started dating without commitment but by now it had been going on for about six months and there were those who labeled you as a couple of real freaks. Winter, Kai's younger sister, never failed to tease you, begging you to dump her weirdo brother if you cared about a decent future. However, as much as you wanted to make sure it wasn't anything serious, you spent most of your time together. Symbiotic in your strangeness, you spent hours and hours in that basement surfing the dark web, smoking, sharing long silences or fucking. And, oh yeah, you two fucked a lot.

“Have you ever heard the story that Walt Disney got himself frozen like an Eggo?” the keyboard stopped ticking so Kai could ask the question. He curled up on the sofa, resting his chin on one knee with his enchanted gaze on a fixed and indefinite point of the screen. "Mh-mh." you nodded at him as you downed a couple of antidepressants with the now lukewarm beer. “Such… fl4tty_h3arty91 says she has the photos.” it was as if Kai was debating whether or not to be skeptical about it. He had been sailing all afternoon, in the most unpleasant and disturbing meanders of the internet, but his dissatisfaction increased along with his morbid, senseless searches. At another moment you would have been enthusiastic to indulge him but then and there you remained staring at him as he stared into space before him. "Let's look at them later, Walt won't thaw anyway." Slowly, very slowly, Kai turned his head in your direction to try to understand why you weren't interested in something tasty like that. Then he understood and a sinister smile, vaguely sedated, began to illuminate him like a power plant gradually coming into operation. "What are you doing? Are you going to suck me a little, Disney villain? Hm?" he hung onto one of your braids with his fingers still dusty from corn snacks and tugged on it playfully. He rolled it around his wrist, immediately becoming serious again but no less attracted by what your body communicated. On the other hand, you were wearing his t-shirt and a pair of his boxers and that alone helped to turn him on. Although your clothes were loose, Anderson could perfectly see your body moving sinuously towards him. Without having to worry about tying your hair back, like a feline, you got down on all fours from the sofa and then positioned yourself between Kai's thighs and caressed them. Scratching the thick fabric of the jeans that covered them. In the background, a playlist of electronic music that had been repeating itself on a loop for too long, contributing to both of your anguish. Making both of you as dangerous as thunderbolts.

“Yummy…” you whispered sarcastically with a cheeky expression as you unbuttoned his jeans. Your mouth hung limply open on the last vowel and your tongue emerged from there. A lapping on the stretched fabric of his boxers. Two, as Kai traced the parting on your skull with an index finger. "Mmmh, hungry?" he asked you, yawning, not because he wasn't involved but because, in a certain sense, he was relaxed. Accustomed to and, at the same time, fibrillating at the idea of ​​cumming thanks to you. When your response resulted in repeatedly slamming the tip of his cock against your inviting lips, Kai swallowed dryly, arching his back. He sat back with a sigh, his neck tilted back. The cell phone rested between his dilated pupils and the ceiling. He scrolled it aimlessly, lazily matching the rhythm of the blowjob. He was enjoying it when a vulgar snap signaled the end of the games.

"You know what? I had something else in mind." you pondered in a loud and hoarse voice, as if you hadn't already planned everything to your liking. Confused, a little irritated, Kai watched you with his eyebrows noticeably raised. "What the… ? Y/N, before you got out so you could finish the job." but you wouldn't listen to Kai's complaints because, with your back to him, you were busy dragging your backpack close to you. "Maybe you've forgotten, maybe you're hoping that I've forgotten, and then I'll remind you: we made a bet on Monday and you…?" poisonous as ivy, you started climbing on top of him, and he reached into the t-shirt you were wearing and grabbed your tits. He groped your boobs firmly, moving his thumbs over the nipples as if they were joysticks. No, he hadn't forgotten and you could see it on his face worthy of slaps. He inhaled theatrically through his perfect nose, trying to appear like a sphinx in your eyes. "Lost. I lost it." you nodded, pleased like a mother and then involved him in a voracious kiss. Hypnotic. "So? What are your intentions? You're missing what you need." Kai added quite sure of what he was saying, lifting his pelvis so that his erection would pass through your pussy from the outside. You exhaled an excited laugh which was enough to disconfirm the certainties of the young slacker. "You don't… have it in your backpack, do you?" you preferred not to say a word, in fact, you took all the time in the world in rubbing yourself against him and then climbing over him and pulling out the harness. "Oh, shit. You really have it." "When I tell you to take me seriously, you have to take me seriously." “What if I don't want to do this anymore?” "But you want to do it. I know it… I feel it…"

Kai snorted, hitting a brown strand with his breath. He couldn't resist you, he was horny by now and you were making his life difficult. You spoke to him like a mermaid from the depths and, in the meantime, you slowly took off your boxers to reveal to him the nakedness of your cunt. You ran your fingers through it under Kai's greedy supervision, "I suppose I can't just jerk off while watching you." so you, stoic, shook your head: one leg after the other, you put on the harness to which you had applied the dildo. When you masturbated it as if it were real, Kai moaned something. "Okay, you win: stick it in my ass." he pretended to be disinterested, but instead he was subjugated by desire and nervousness. In a series of snaps he stood up and abruptly pulled down his jeans. He let them stay at his ankles, giving you a gesture, as if to say: "here you go, happy?"

"Where should I put myself. What the fuck should I… ?" "Ssh, sssh. Come on, it's normal to be nervous the first time. Lie down, sunshine." with clenched teeth, Kai scanned you before you returned to his mouth: you began to massacre it with kisses and bites while you accompanied him in a supine position on the sofa. "So we're looking at each other?" he ventured with a start of breathlessness, his hand positioned on the crook of your neck and his thumb pressing on the center of your throat. "You don't want to? I'll stand behind you if you prefer. But that way you risk feeling less of a man." but Kai, with a well-defined pout, glossed over your smirk as a proven provocateur. He hung onto the fake cock and then placed his index finger on the tip and made it bounce slightly. "Nah. You're… sexy. Very, very sexy." your eyebrows furrowed as you reached up to grab the lube. "Oh yeah? Am I sexy?" you reiterated, moving further forward and pushing the dildo between Kai's lips. You were pulling the string. You were taking risks and Kai had never been the patient or predictable type. Speaking of which, he bared his teeth and bit the silicone with a very disreputable face. "Relaaaax yourself, Anderson. Be a good boy, come on…" you invited him in a conciliatory and mellifluous tone. You pulled off the huge shirt and pressed down on the lubricant dispenser so that it dripped on you. On the boobs, between the boobs, along the abdomen. Promptly, Kai began spread on your skin until it glistened. Part of that shine stuck to his torso, already naked, when you lay on his all-nerves body. Your slippery fingers drew doodles between your bodies until they became less discreet. "No, no, no: don't tense up, baby. I'll be gentle, don't worry." something never fully expressed bubbled in Kai's armored stomach. In his spirit gangrenous and gagged for years. On the one hand he lent himself to the game but, on the other, he hated that sense of submission. At the same time, that indefinite form of hatred excited him to the point of pushing his hips upwards, effectively making it easier for you. After massaging it externally, you ventured with the slow insertion of a finger and Kai growled. He gave you a hot, tarry look, grabbing your braid and pulling without half measures. In response, you moaned in pain that didn't fail to immediately wet your pussy. Now, Kai had you by the neck in a more than tolerable but alarmed grip. "I don't… like it. I don't fucking like it, Y/N. Fuck!" "Kai, wait! Wait, give me time…"

You wanted to make the experience as less traumatic as possible and you were eager to get to the good part but you knew that the debut would create some problems and, if you didn't find a way to transform it for the better, you would be strangled. Armed with calm, you added more lube and waited for Kai to stop moaning about the second finger. Having found the right spot, you began to test Kai's reactions, whose suffering and piqued grimaces first froze, then gradually dissolved. "Oh, o-oh fuck… shit, fuck…" "What's up, baby?" "Okay I guess… a-ha! I guess… do it again." "How, like this?" you curved your fingers and it was as if Kai Anderson's body was pervaded by a light but widespread shock. A sharp groan cracked like a whip and his eyes rolled up to study his skull. Lips softly parted and jaw hanging as the hand holding your neck softened into a vehement massage. "Now yessss. Yes, yes, yes… so… holy shit, that's the most… don't stop. Don't try to stop, Y/N!" Seeing him reduced to that state makes you shattered. You're soaked, you're anxious as if he were penetrating you for the first time and you stare at him, plundering him with all the erotic details he's giving you without knowing it. Suddenly, abruptly, he clings to the back of your neck, breathing violently through his nostrils and scrutinizing you in turn with a grim look. One, two, three seconds and he kisses you vehemently in a mixture of tongues ​​and verses. "Stick that thing up my ass. Now." Kai ordered you between clenched molars, used to dominating but too high on desire to escape. He hits you with a weak slap on the cheek and then spontaneously decides to get off the couch and walk around it with weak legs. He leaned back on his elbows, bent at a right angle with his head tilted forward. The brown waves of hair following the chasm as you lubed up the strap-on and licked your lips eagerly.

"Are you sure?" “Now, Y/N.” "You're a fucking dream, Kai Anderson." and so saying, you allowed yourself to prepare him a little more with your fingers before sliding the dildo between his buttocks and starting to press the tip against the desired area. Kai dug his nails into the sofa, suppressing a hoarse and prolonged moan, but when he felt full, he stopped breathing for a moment. His back arched noticeably and tears moistened the corners of his closed eyelids. "WOAH!" Luckily, no one but you was occupying the house - no one alive, at least - because, when you started to move your hips, Kai let out a full-blown scream. A lustful scream that accompanied a feeling of dizziness as he abruptly brought his right hand to his cock and tortured the base. It was such a mix of sensations that Kai was already on the verge of orgasm. "Do you like it, angel?" you asked breathlessly and vaguely pleading, holding on to his hips to stabilize your thrusts. "It… drives me crazy." he retorted, so overwhelmed that he drooled onto the pillows. A shiny thread of saliva vibrated in tandem with his continuous cries. Now, his touch insisted on the congested glans while you, in the meantime, kissed the most accessible vertebrae.

"I know you're about to come… I wish I could feel it on my flesh…" "Yes, fuck. I can't-, oh Jesus Christ, anymore!" with his free hand, Kai blindly searched you for any form of extra contact but had to give in to yet another wave of intense pleasure. "And who's stopping you? Who's stopping you from cumming right away?" you tempt him, pronouncing the words well and showing him how much the idea excites you. Kai shudders, letting out a sigh which is followed by a gesture: he begins to masturbate the entire length with implacable ardor. "No one. I do as I please… ah! Harder, Y/N! Yes, yes, more, faster, ye-ees! Talk to mh-me, break me… FFFFUCK!" he wished he had the strength to stop everything and turn around to cum on your face. In your throat. He could not and did not want to interrupt that erotic delirium that fully seized him by reaching an overpowering climax. Spurts of hot sperm abundantly decorated the furniture against which he pressed his erection at its maximum hardness. He no longer saw anything and, convinced he was fainting, he collapsed into a kneeling position, unable to catch his breath. You, visibly drenched along the inside of both thighs, looked him up and down as if in the presence of a blasphemous deity. You dropped the sex toy on the floor. "Kai… ?" "Give me… give me a break. And I won't give it to you tonight."

[russellsppttemplates]

If you let me show you (Charles Leclerc)

Years later, your's and Charles' hearts are still longing for eachother and, perhaps, it was meant to be all along

Note: english is not my first language.

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated, and while I'm not actively taking requests, I am writing some blurbs when I can so if you have any ideas or concepts that can be written in a small amount of sentences and you want to share, feel free to do so!

Tw: past breakup

"As usual, thank you for listening to the podcast", you began closing off the recording for you newest episode of your podcast, taking your headphones off once you were done and your editor gave you her thumbs up, "That was really good, Y/N. I think people will enjoy it a lot", she said as you smiled, proud of how far you got. The idea of creating your own podcast while you finished your degree was just something to keep your mind off of school, despite it being about what you studied since it was something you enjoyed, but it had quickly grown to join other people who, like you, enjoyed the topic. You had gathered a small community that you were very grateful for, especially when it allowed to go to bigger events like TedTalks and sit and talk, as well as meeting them.

Checking your phone for your e-mails, you noticed a new one from someone you had never received anything from before, "what is this...?", you muttered under your breath before letting your finger tap the screen to open it, revealing what looked like an invite to an event, looking at the top to see that you had been sent it a few days ago and, scrolling down, finding out that you had to confirm your attendance until that afternoon, "did you get this?", you showed it to your editor, "nope, but I've heard of other people who come here to record that they've been invited too", she smiled. "Are you plann-", she was interrupted by the sound of your phone ringing, an unknown number calling, "yes?", you said, "Hi, this is from Fondation Prince Albert II de Monaco. How have you been, Y/N?", a seemingly kind man on the other side of the line, "Hello, I've been good, and you?", you said as you looked at your editor, "sorry to bother you during the day, but we've had some issues with our communication channels and are not receiving the confirmation from the people who are attending, and we just wanted to confirm wether or not you are joining us for the evening", he said as you panicked opened the e-mail again, checking for more details about this event, "Oh, you're also allowed a plus one, I don't think your e-mail said that due to the glitch we had", he offered as you looked at your editor one last time, her showing you a dinner she had with family on that night, "yes, I can confirm my presence. Just me, no plus one", you said as you heard him type, "Good, thank you! Since our communication channels are not working properly, is it okay if, in case of any new information, I contact you through here?", he asked before you confirmed, bidding eachother a good day and goodbye before ending the call, "this is a very surreal thing", you heard your editor said, now propped by your laptop as she look at the e-mail, telling you all about why they had decided to invite you, your contribution to spreading scientific knowledge in a simple way and accessible to everyone bring the number one reason, "who knew, hm? My weird little podcast about academia getting me t-, oh, wait, this is a red carpet?", you looked further, noticing their dress code advice section, "what did you expect from the Fondation? Some burgers and fries?", she teased you, "I thought it was, like, an intimate thing, small thing. If I'm going to this, who else is?", you mused while your editor only snickered.

.

After having your friend help you pick a dress worthy of the event, you dropped it at the dry cleaners, which is where you found yourself in the morning of the event, ready to pick it up while the lovely lady went to get it outback when a younger employee asked "I'm sorry, but you are Y/N, from the podcast, right?", she asked as you nodded, "I've heard your voice through these so many times I recognised it almost immediately", she said as she pointed to her earbuds, "I'm very happy that you listen to it", you said as you noticed your dress, clean and ironed being set on the counter, "may I ask what this is for?", she said curiously before who you figured was her grandmother set the bill for you too, "dear, that's not nice for the costumers, sorry about my granddaughter", she half scolded her, "no, don't worry. I'm going to an event tonight because of the podcast", you explained as you paid, smiling before leaving the store and bidding goodbye.

Arriving at home, you tried your best to remember and replicate how Pascale taught you to do your hair, the curls coming out looking like you were from a different era, silently praying they would drop while you fid your makeup. You put one the dress and added your accessories before shaking your curls, moving to put on your shoes and coat just in time for the car they had sent to pick you up and go to the event, "is this your first time?", the driver asked, "yes. Do you notice it that much?", you giggled, "not at all. Just I know I would have recognised you otherwise", he explained, "do you know anyone who is going to be there? It is a big help, so I've heard over the years", he offered, "I don't think so", you mused, "I'm not sure who's invited to be honest", you giggled again, nervous that you should have done your research, "usually actresses and actors, singers too usually, people from non profits, other members of TV shows. Oh, and how could I forget, some drivers usually go too", and it hit you. How did it not hit you before? Charles could be there too, and you not seen him in person in the longest time. Last time you saw him was a few months after you broke up, and it pained you to be in the same room as him, and while you did nothing but be polite to eachother, you couldn't deal with that, somehow always managing to avoid any gathering where he would be. Did you watch his races? Yes, every weekend one had been on you'd take your time no watch it, never breaking your promise and supporting him whenever you could, however you could. Knowing how it would bother you stayed out of anything related to his personal life, only knowing little bits you picked up from interviews and, since he was pretty private, there hadn't been anything related to his relationships, so were you about to know something more? Was he bringing a plus one with him? "Don't need to get nervous, dear, from all my years of this, people are usually very friendly and before you know it, you're already friends", he smiled sweetly, oblivious to the actual relationship you were worried about.

A woman dressed in black guided you on what to to once you arrived, telling you when to stop and pose for some pictures, despite your insistence that 'I'm here for my voice, I don't think people will need to see my face really", giggling and comforting you until you felt comfortable enough, "See?! Stunning, chérie", she smiled before her phone beeped, prompting her to tell her colleague, "Charles is arriving just now, could you go to him, please?", before helping you to the other spot where you would do an interview with someone who also had a podcast that, despite being a bigger creator, treated you with the utmost kindness, "thank you so much for taking some time and giving us your story on getting to where you are today", he said as you shook his hand one last time, thanking him before walking back to the carpet, spotting Charles posing too. And then your heart started doing somersaults, almost like it never stopped doing then anyway.

Charles followed the woman in a black suit as she told him where to stand, smiling in almost all the directions someone called him from before he noticed you, sitting in a high chair with a pair of headphones on your head. Were you here? Your podcast was successful, he knew that much since he contributed, but he did not expect you to be here. How long had it been? Two, maybe three years? You had managed to go to his F2 celebration, just as friends, before, as he now recalled, never setting his eyes on you in another form other than pictures on Instagram or your voice from the podcast episodes.

He was about to head to you when a young fan, who happened to be attending with his parents, asked for his autograph and a picture, "whenever we are home, me and mama and papa watch all your races, you're one of Monaco's pride!", the boy who was no older than ten said excitedly, prompting Charles to open his blazer's button before crouching down to pose with him. Getting up and wishing everyone a good night and event, his eyes looked for you in your emerald green dress, now finding a gentleman in the chair you were sitting previously. Heading inside the venue, he greeted some people before he noticed you looking at something on your phone and confirming it on the indicating plaques, looking a but confused before you looked around and your eyes locked in his, "h- Hi, Charles, Hi!", you said as you greeted him, your movement so automatic that you didn't even think about hugging and pressing a kiss on each cheek of your ex-boyfriend, thankful that he seemed to want to do the same, "Hi, Y/N, how are you?", he said as he looked at you properly. And you looked even more beautiful, despite looking like the same girl he had fallen in love with all those years ago."Are you here alone, too?", you said and immediately wanted to take it back, feeling like you had nothing to do with it, "I'm on my own, yes. C'mon, let's go through here", he said as he guided you on the other way you were thinking of going, leading you to the big room where all the tables were and finding out that the table you'd be sitting in was next to his, "if you need anything, call for me, yes?", he said as he looked for reassurance, "you're going to do great, I just know it".

The evening was beautiful, getting the opportunity to listen to all the projects and ideas people were developing and over all having a good time, and while you enjoyed it, you needed to get some air, excusing yourself from the group and heading to one of the outside gardens, a glass in hand as you took in all that had happened for you to get here. You had never dreamt of this opportunity to come from something as simple as you sharing your thoughts outloud, finding people on the receiving end interested in what you had to say, and to be here was something you still couldn't make out, "may I?", you heard a familiar voice you could recognise anywhere, seeing Charles coming to sit next to you on the stone bench, "it's amazing how many inspiring people are here today, no?", he began, really not knowing how to approach you. You were here alone, so it wasn't like he was crossing a line, he hoped, remembering some conversations he heard in the last group gathering where one of your close friends admitted that you were single still, "and somehow I ended up here, too", you mused before looking at him, his eyes never failing to calm you down and rile your heart up at the same time, "of course you did. Your work is amazing, it's only fair they recognised it", he let slip, "how do you know that?", you quirked your brow as you took a sip from your glass, "I listen to it. Every Thursday I go and look for the new episode", he admitted, "I still don't understand half of the things you defend and explain, but you make it so engaging and, and I miss your voice. I miss you", he said as he looked up at the starry sky before he let his hand crawl along the light stone and nudge yours, your pinkies lacing eachother. You looked at him, a small blush on your cheeks, "thank you, I- I watch all your races too, even the ones that are broadcasted at daft o'clock in Europe", you said before sighing "you know why we did it that way it was", you said, remembering the day you and Charles decided it was for the best that you should go your separate ways.

"I love you so much", Charles said as he held your hands in his, "I love you so much and it is why I think we should do this", he reasoned, although the tears in his eyes, matching your own, reflected the genuine hurt you both knew was dawning on each of you, "I never want to be the one making you hurt, not in a short time or not in a long time", you sniffed, squeezing your eyes further to slow down the tears, "I love you with my whole heart and I'd never want you to hurt, either of us to hurt", you finished as you gave him one last hug, relishing in the feeling of having his arms around you, "you'll always have my heart, Y/N Y/L/N", he said kissing the top of your head, "and it will always be yours to keep".

"Was it really though?", he said, snuffling closer to you while still not touching you more than before even though his skin longed to feel yours, "I don't know, Charles, I really don't know", you said. You didn't like to admit it, but every now and again, you would entertain the thought of what could have been if you had stayed together. How your days could have been if you had him to come home to, or having to travel to races to see him, hear his laughs in person instead of through a screen. It would have been like you had predicted, crazy schedules, long periods away from eachother, but the effort to make it work would have been worth it to have him with you. As you were about to say that to him, you heard heels clicking on the floor, "sorry to interrupt, but the fireworks are going to go off now, I thought you might like to see them", one of the ladies that had helped you in the red carpet said as you both got up, "thanks for letting us know, we'll be up shortly", Charles offered before she walked away while you two followed her, "Would you be willing to come to my place tomorrow?", he asked as he finally laced his fingers in yours for a few seconds, parting when you reached the door, "okay", you said before you were ushered to different places in the crowd.

Arriving home later that evening, you were taking all your makeup off when your phone pinged, seeing a text from Charles, surprised that after all these years he, like you, had kept your number, "Even though we did not spend that much time together today, I know for a fact that I missed having you around and being near you. I hope you have a goodnight's rest", could be read on your screen.

.

"Thank you for coming here. I would've gone to your place but I didn't know if you wanted me there, and besides, I don't want all the attention that it could draw that way around to you", he said nervously, "No need to rub it in that you're more famous than me, Charles", you teased slightly, wanting to clear up the tension in the room that your nerves were not exactly helping, "I mean it. Thank you for agreeing to come and talk", he said before taking a big breath, "yesterday sparked something in me, and I'm not sure it was a spark again moment, I think this has always been here", he admitted, looking qt you in the hopes of getting you to speak about your take on it, "I-, I felt the same", you gulped, "but can we do this? I think so b-", you were interrupted by him, "all those years ago, we said we wanted to focus on our careers, grow and not have to worry about it. And, while I think it could've been good, there's no way to know that the success we have it due to that. Can you imagine having me next to you on your graduation? Signing your contracts? Because every weekend I imagine you sitting in that hospitality, working on your laptop before coming to watch me race and congratulate me, or be the only person in my driver's room to calm me down after a bad race", he admitted, "I know you don't owe me any of that and if this is one sided then I don't want to make you feel guilty about it, but I needed to let you know", he finished as he looked at you. Sighing, you launched your hand to meet his, "I miss you, and I want to have you with me, to get home and see you there, even if it is only every now and then. But I don't want you to feel guilty that you're not here, or that I feel like I'm not enough", you said and he giggled, "Mon ange, you are more than enough. And I'll be the luckiest man alive if you let me have you in my life again. We'll take things slowly, but please, let us go back to how we were", he pleaded as he saw you smile, "mon coeur, we are going to be better than ever".

[circinuus]

two people caught in silence, one kills the hush.

ayatsuji yukito x gn! reader. 1.6k words

as another agent assigned to monitor the special first-class dangerous ability user, you sure are an odd duck.

[this loosely follows the gaiden LN]

❥ my contribution to the ayatsuji enjoyers community. i lack sleep, rip. this isn't the best. but at this point i'm just desperate to write something for this man ('A`) no beta we die like my sleeping hours 👍

In this world, there are two types of people.

One is those who aren't fortunate enough, or perhaps haven't worked their brain hard enough to match the lines of thoughts of people like Ayatsuji Yukito. That much, The Homicide Detective knows well. Sometimes, these people's naivety and simple-mindedness can serve as his harmless amusement. While some other times they genuinely irate his thinning patience. Ayatsuji has met many of these kinds of people.

The other type is those who do not ask stupid questions and are apt enough to follow simple observations and deductions from people like Ayatsuji Yukito. The detective, unfortunately, has only met (mostly heard) very few of these kinds of people; they comprise terrorists, murder instigators, criminals, and what seems to be only one or two actual detectives.

And yet, the person sitting in front of him appears to possess the worst traits of both categories. Ironic, considering they're as obedient and agreeable as a doll—the one thing he finds more intriguing than people.

Case Report One: Ayatsuji Detective Office/ Morning/ Overcast

"This is not bad," The titular detective hums against the warm rim of his coffee-filled cup. "Have you ever considered being a maid?"

If one looks at the window, one will see how the day shows its aquamarine bleakness. Spring is already peeking from the horizon, but the remnants of winter still render the air frigid and the sky cloudy.

Your eager presence—another Special Divisions Agent—is as misplaced as a fully-bloomed spring flower at the quarter end of winter. Much less when your supposed 'target' is trying to trick you into making a cup of morning coffee. Two brown sugars, and no milk.

"Sure, if the costume's cute," you merely give him a derpy smile. "Regardless, I don't mind. It's just a cup of coffee."

Two people, strangers by then, share a moment of silence. Ayatsuji eventually deigns to look up from his erudite-looking book. Golden eyes meet your undeterred stare.

"What're you looking at me for? If so, then go change. Your outfit's over there."

Case Report Two: Marshland/ Afternoon/ Partly Cloudy

Four bamboo leaves and six purple stones.

Two people on the side of an old well by a small river

Ayatsuji Yukito normally couldn't care less for any poor agent sent to accompany his investigation excursions. After all, he's the government's lap dog forced to work with nothing less than obedience, and whoever is sent to him is only the leash that is supposed to keep him at bay.

But his eyes inevitably deadpan at your crouching self. He exhales a long sigh on his kiseru as he watches you observe the base of "the well that grants evil."

(Ayatsuji has clearly underestimated your dedication to displaying your lack of dignity. Your sleek dress suit is a contrast against the frilly maid costume you wore—as you made him coffee and whatnot. As much as he finds amusement in your nonsense, the Homicide Detective had to put the buffoonery to an end before he gets another off look from Tsujimura, or before words about him being an unsightly creep begin to circulate).

"Hm. This reminds me of that 'curse' thingy from Kojiki."

"What a surprise," said he, "You have the capacity to use your head."

And yet as always, Ayatsuji only sighs when you respond to his quip with a proud thumbs up. Perhaps you're just that much of a fool, regardless of the quick observation.

"Like the green bamboo leaves that’ll wither," your voice starts to ebb along the steady stream of the quaint river, chanting the passage from the olden literature. "May you also be green then wither someday. Like the salt tide that surges and ebbs later, may you also surge then ebb away. Like these stones that sink in the water, may you also sink down all the way..right?"

"Excellent work. Now you just have to look for the salt."

Two people, acquaintances by then, exchange empty glances. You look hesitant, attention pacing back and forth between the muddy bamboo and Ayatsuji's orange lenses. The detective is quick to break the silence.

"Go on. What good is your tongue for? Lick it.”

Case Report Three: Ministry of Justice Main Building/ Morning / Clear Skies

Ayatsuji Yukito is convinced something is wrong with your head.

Your nose had scrunched up when you bit the bullet and taste for any existing sodium chloride on that muddy—clearly full of bacteria—bamboo leaves. With a spry motion, Ayatsuji's gloved hand was quick to reach for your shoulder before you can go for another inspection.

"It is salty. Let's just have the forensics examine it to make sure."

"... Are you stupid?"

Your head snaps in his direction, right before you reach for a water bottle to rinse your mouth.

"But Ayatsuji-sensei was the one who told me to taste it!"

Ayatsuji Yukito is convinced something is clearly wrong with your head. On the bright side, fools can't catch colds.

"Sensei," your voice cuts through the detective's solemn reverie, taking him back to the present. "This 'Sorcerer,'... What if he appears alongside 'The Engineer' we're trying to capture?"

"Don't worry," with relaxed shoulders, Ayatsuji assures. "Kyogoku is the instigator who's closely related to this series of murder cases. We definitely won't deal with him soon."

For once, the detective feels retaliation oozing from your being. From the corner of his eyes did he catch your silent protest, mouth slightly taut and eyebrows creasing at his sarcastic remark.

Though it was short-lived as you soon nod to yourself, muttering a determined, almost relieved, 'Roger that.'

Two people, colleagues by then, are now drowned in their own's mullings.

"Good grief," Ayatsuji breaks the silence for the nth time. "I'm starting to wonder whether they made a good decision to station you in this case."

Case Report Four: Ayatsuji Detective Office/ Morning/ Sunny

"What are you doing?" Ayatsuji eyes you sharply.

The case wasn't completely closed, per se. But the dust had settled, and with it, you are back to your usual routine as the watchdog for another dog of the government.

"Making myself a cup of coffee of course," you chirp.

Ayatsuji didn't bother to point out how you arbitrarily used his kitchen supply to make yourself comfortable. Instead, his expression slightly winces as he gets a taste of the beverage you handed to him.

"Four cubes of sugar? I'm surprised you haven't caught diabetes."

"Oh! That one must've been mine!"

His black cat, like a slinking dark shadow meows against your ankle; his calico cat blinking languidly as if its judging your mistake. You make careful steps to set down their master's supposedly correct cup, before deflating like a balloon to the chair in front of Ayatsuji's working table.

"Sorry about that, sensei," your laugh is sheepish, gingerly pushing his untouched no-milk and three-brown-sugar coffee. "But you're right. I'll consider laying off the sugar since you're already sweeter than any-"

"... Go on."

"... No." you solemnly close your eyes as you reach for your overly sweet coffee from his hands. "I have sensed I made a mistake of some kind."

The smell of pleasant coffee beans and cream wafts to your senses, promising a warm and energizing wake-up call from the haze of the morning and the remnants of your fading painkillers. What you have are mere grazes on the leg and a couple of broken bones, really. It doesn't matter as long as your responsibility is safe and sound.

"Ah. (Name)-kun, that's-"

"Whoa there! Wasn't that an indirect- AH that burns!-"

Ayatsuji, once again, sighs into the warm rim of his cup - the correct one, this time.

Translucent rays of the morning sun peek through the blinds of the well-decorated room. You're no longer in a maid dress, nor are you currently, stupidly doing whatever absurd request Ayatsuji dares you to do.

But you do resemble a doll, like this. dust particles floating around your eyelashes, you sitting prettily with a teacup in your hands. Have you been this pristine in appearance? Ayatsuji finally took the time to observe your features, curious as to why this slipped his attention for the weeks you stepped into his agency.

What prompted him to start looking, however, was the miscellaneous gauze littering your face, bandages slightly peeking from your sleeves.

His face ever so subtly sours.

"(Name)."

"Yes?"

"Look at the person you're talking to when they're speaking."

"Says you," your empty cup lands with a gentle thud against the wooden table, attention now transferred to the stacks of reports Ayatsuji should be doing for the day. "Say, do you need help with anything? I need your reports done by this afternoon so-"

The sensation of cold steel presses against your skin, startling your speech into silence. It tilts your chin up as it commands attention.

You know Ayatsuji's trusty kiseru too well. But not with this.. almost demanding gesture. Have you not looked longer, the Homicide Detective's sharp gaze will be reminiscent of the deadly one he procured when he faces those he condemned. But,

"You're awfully obedient and trusting towards me," he iterates, emphasis slow and tone deep—as if reciting the 'curse' you once sang to him beside the well.

"Agent (Name), have I perhaps attracted you in some way?"

"And so devoted," said he, turning your head as to appraise the 'battle wounds' —as you like to say it— that you took in his stead.

Two people, now unsure of what they are, are caught in silence. One decides to kill the hush. With the same derpy smile, you took the chance before Ayatsuji could open his mouth.

"Well, you are the detective here, Ayatsuji-sensei."

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE

♡ @ashthemadwriter

[vulturejuice]

[Image ID: A 13-panel comic which depicts two furry characters, a cougar and a stoat, in an argument about political lesbianism. It is coloured in the palette of the lesbian flag, with the cougar in pink colours and the stoat in orange colours. End ID]

This is a comic I made last December as a final project for a Communication and Sexuality class! It was super fun to get to use my OCs for a school project and the research for it was super interesting and meaningful to me as a lesbian myself.

A full transcript of the comic, as well as a list of citations, is available below the cut!

Transcript and image descriptions:

Panel 1: The cougar sits in a chair reading a book.

Panel 2: The cougar turns a page and the stoat enters the frame without the cougar noticing.

Panel 3: The stoat speaks very close to the cougar’s face, startling her. Stoat: “Whatcha readin’?” Cougar: GAH!

Panel 4: The cougar holds the book up to the camera, revealing the phrase “POLITICAL LESBIANISM” on its cover. The stoat looks at it with her hand on her chin. Cougar: Oh... I was just reading this book about POLITICAL LESBIANISM Stoat: Oh hm

Panel 5: The cougar reads from a stack of papers. The stoat puts her hand to her cheek and closes her eyes. A thought bubble comes from the stoat which depicts women standing in a circle holding hands while two men look on angrily. Stoat: That’s that thing from like the 80s, right? Where feminists thought all women should be lesbians? Cougar: Yeah, the Leeds Revolutionary Feminists put out a paper detailing as much in 1979. 

Panel 6: The cougar shrugs, holding the papers out towards the stoat. The stoat grabs for them excitedly. Cougar: Basically, anyone who associated with men was the enemy! Stoat: Hey, sounds good to me! Who needs ‘em, right?

Panel 7: The cougar puts her hands on her hips and glares at the stoat. The stoat holds the papers and frowns. Cougar: Oh, come on! Gender essentialist much? Not to mention their focus on the penis as a tool of oppression... Where does that leave pre- and non-op trans women?

Panel 8: The stoat’s eyes widen and she points at the paper. The cougar throws up one hand in exasperation. Stoat: Wait! It says here that a political lesbian is a “woman-identified woman.” Shouldn’t that include trans women? Cougar: Not what that means!

Panel 9: The cougar turns to the camera and raises her finger in the air. She pulls a new stack of papers up from outside the panel. The stoat looks between the papers she is holding and the new papers in confusion. Cougar: In their 1970 manifesto, the Radicalesbians ask that women craft our own identities by relating to each other, not men’s ideas of what we should be. They’re not really talking about gender identity the way we do today.

Panel 10: The stoat puts her hands on her hips and throws her head back, holding her papers to her side. The cougar puts out her hands in protest, and the papers she’s holding fall. Stoat: Right. I guess you think everyone was transphobic back then. Cougar: Hey, I never said that!

Panel 11: The cougar lifts up a small record and smiles down at it. The stoat glares at it as she tucks her papers under her arm. Cougar: Take the radical feminist lesbian separatist music collective, Olivia Records! They supported and even bodily defended their trans sound engineer, Sandy Stone, when her role at the collective was questioned and she was threatened with transphobic violence.

Panel 12: The stoat crosses her arms and tries to interject. The cougar keeps talking as she throws the record away behind herself. Stoat: Sure, but- Cougar: No, it’s so-called gender critical feminists who spit in the face of trans women’s contributions to our rich lesbian history. Our love of women and rejection of prescribed sex roles is what brings us together - not out hatred of men!

Panel 13: The stoat turns away from the cougar in anger. The cougar smiles and puts a hand on the stoat’s corner. Stoat: Oh, whatever! I don’t want to talk about it anymore if you’re just going to tell me I’m wrong all the time. Cougar: Look at it this way... we’re just taking part in the storied lesbian tradition of pointless arguing!

Citations

Ahmed, S. (2016). An affinity of hammers. TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly, 3(1-2), 22-34. https://doi.org/10.1215/23289252-3334151   

Enszer, J. R. (2016). “How to stop choking to death”: Rethinking lesbian separatism as a vibrant political theory and feminist practice. Journal of Lesbian Studies, 20(2), 180-196. https://doi.org/10.1080/10894160.2015.1083815   

Love your enemy? The debate between heterosexual feminism and political lesbianism. (1981). Onlywomen Press.

O’Donnell, K. (2019). The theological basis for trans-exclusionary radical feminist positions. In N. Banerjea, K. Browne, E. Ferreira, M. Olasik, & J. Podmore (Eds.), Lesbian feminism: Essays opposing global heteropatriarchies. Bloomsbury Academic & Professional.

Thurlow, C. (2022). From TERF to gender critical: A telling genealogy? Sexualities. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/13634607221107827   

Weiss, P. A. (Ed.). (2018). Feminist manifestos: A global documentary reader. New York University Press.

Williams, C. (2016). Radical inclusion: Recounting the trans inclusive history of radical feminism. TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly, 3(1-2), 254-258. https://doi.org/10.1215/23289252-3334463

[blaiddllodi]

TOA Anniversary Munday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

(Previous answers here on Raven's blog. Thanks for putting this together Neffi!)

Name: tches!

Pronouns: she/they

Birthday (no year): 22 Dec

Where are you from? What is your time zone? From Germany, but I live in Colorado

How long is your roleplay experience? A few years in 2005, and now my tenure here

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? Uhhhhh probably Yahoo chatrooms if I'm honest, but I spent most of my time in Livejournal communities

How were you introduced to TOA? I found it scrolling the Raven tag and I saw mirae's drop. Didn't join at this time. Then Elf advertised in a mutual server and I was like Hm. Maybe I will.

Do you have any pets? The server knows my beloved Coriander my baby my light my heart. I also live with two GSDs, Ursa and Solo.

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) I love you winter, I love you snow, I love you December, I love you.

What is your IRL occupation? Handwaves IT. I'm helpdesk at my current place, but I've begun learning network infrastructure stuff recently.

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? I like languages and history, esp Meiji Japan and Mughal India. I used to be a lot more active, and I still generally enjoy yoga and rock climbing, but I've accrued some injuries which prevent me from doing this as much as I'd like. Sadge.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Final Fantasy, Pokemon, Ace Attorney, Assassin's Creed, Dragon Age, Bloodborne, Witcher, Kingdom Hearts.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: Ice or Dragon I think; and Gyarados my beloved my friend my partner (although Delibird is a very close second I love that little dude)

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! (Optional bonus challenge: if you filled this out last year, try not to repeat what you said back then!) One time a drunk driver scraped my ex-husband's car pulling out of the bar and while he was so flabbergasted that it had happened, me and a friend who had just gotten out of the Navy broke into a sprint to chase the girl down for three blocks before she left the neighborhood.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? My father and I were in the PX and I grabbed Blazing because it had just come to the States and it looked interesting.

What Fire Emblem games have you played? All but Archanea and Tellius. I started Path of Radiance, and put it down at chapter 15 when I got busy. I'll pick it back up again I promise :sob:

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: First is Blazing and favorite is...probably Blazing still. Elibe is just home to me. I really really like Three Houses and Shadows of Valentia though.

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Oh gosh. Raven number one forever, and Dima and Berkut are up there. I'll list five who aren't my roster, in no particular order: Hubert, Hector, Lyon, Priscilla, Lachesis.

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! Wil. Wil was my first favorite, followed by Matthew. I genuinely loved them so so much my first playthrough I gave them everything.

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 Jeralt can still get it.

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?- Awakening: Another accidental Chrom victim - probably Lonk or Freddie Fates: I genuinely don't remember if it was Kaze or Jakob - Probably still Kaze Three Houses: Claude - Hubert is my favorite S support he's really good Engage: I literally hard swerved from Diamant the moment Pandreo came on screen I don't think anyone's taking his crown.

Favorite Fire Emblem class? I just really like the Merc-Hero line 🙈But I also love wyverns

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? Infantry sword. I hate to say I'd be a Navarre archetype but I honestly probably would be. Middling strength and con but workable with attention, decent speed, absolutely ridiculous crit stat. Surprisingly high resistance. I'd be a good candidate for Dancer or Mortal Savant.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Unaffiliated civilian, but can be swayed to join a cause after some effort. I tend to keep myself a bit at arms length, and it can be difficult sometimes to get my genuine loyalty.

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Boons: Sword, Bow Bane: Flying Budding Talent: Heavy Armor

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? No lie, probably Brodia. My family is full of soldiers on all sides

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?) Depends on the flow of the sentence. Sometimes toe-ah, sometimes T-O-A

Current TOA muses: Raven, Dimitri, Berkut

Past TOA muses? Sigurd, Igrene, Saber, Petra, Beowolf, Lyn

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Raven my heart my forever. If he hasn't been pried from my grasp for the last twenty years, I can't imagine what might.

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? I like it when grief and love carve someone into a weapon. I love rage and deep, boundless sorrow. And I occasionally like when they get a little slutty, I'm not a monster.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? 🤔Hard to say. I like to think my range is pretty good. I've been writing for long enough that I don't really wish - I just do it. I think anyone could write anyone if they genuinely put their heart into it.

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I like when the narrator is a little unreliable. I like when there's so much emotion that everything becomes just a little bit fuzzy an indistinct, like they're suddenly underwater and haven't realized they're drowning. I like when the narrative is circular and I can call back five posts, or when I can bookend things - dramatic irony my beloved. I love miscommunication, especially when one person takes something and runs with it (RIP Sigurd you were the king of this and your never-shuts-up).

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? I've been in an AU mood lately. I want more AUs - coffeeshop AU, horror movie tropes AU, cross-fiction AU. There was an idea that I had that I'd like to build up a bit more that I may drop a call for 🙊

Favorite TOA-related memories? All of Raven's threads with elysia's Priscilla and kanoesa's Lucius 🤲I hold them like this. And unrelated to my muses I to this day can't get over And Now All Of TOA Knows You Tried To Kill Ryoma.

Present or past tense? Past. I use present tense pretty sparingly, and almost exclusively for one-off asks. Feels weird though.

Normal size text, small text, no preference? No preference. I use normal size out of laziness. The most formatting you'll get from me is italics for emphasis or for thought patterns.

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 One day I will app Sommie and everyone will have a heart attack. You think I'm joking? You think this is a game?

[suzyq31]

A note to fellow Harmony readers/writers

Hello everyone,

I feel the need to say something about recent events. A post on the Harmony subreddit has given a platform for people to air their grievances about a particular story. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this happen and have been on the receiving end. And it really sucked. I’ve let myself believe that is part of being in this fandom, having your work ripped apart publicly and regularly.

I would like to ask the moderators of these spaces to please consider changing their stance on this. Adding in a rule that prevents posts like the one mentioned, among others. Again, this really isn’t meant to cast blame on any particular person. There was a comment about how writers need to stop acting like their god's gift to writing or the fandom, and to simply get over negative criticism. I want to clarify I don’t think that I’m special, or that my voice matters because I happen to write fanfic.

I’m no god, but I am a human. One who is dealing with their own pain as best they can. There are real problems that are much larger than fandom. Which makes it all the more difficult when I do choose to escape the horrors, only to find more negativity. I don’t expect the internet to always be a ‘safe space', but I do think fandom spaces can be more focused on positivity.

All of this has made me reevaluate my own role within fandom. I’m giving myself time and grace to make a final decision on how I want to move forward. In the meantime I would encourage anyone who cares about the fandom community to please reach out to the team at HMS Harmony (with kindness, they are also humans with feelings and lives.) If you feel inclined you could ask them to consider adding some caveats on how fics are discussed on public spaces such as Reddit and discord.

On another note, I myself haven’t always been as kind as I would have liked. If I’ve ever said something that’s upset anyone, I’m sorry. I regret some of the ways I’ve shown up in fandom over the years. I’m personally working on my own anger that I wrestle with, in real life and on the internet. Overall I would love to see if we could all think more carefully in how we discuss things, especially people’s creative work.

If you are a reader, there are so many positive ways you can contribute. The number one way is to reach out to those authors whose work you adore, especially those who don’t receive many comments. Tell them what you love about how they write Harry and Hermione, let them know their work matters to you. I promise it will make their day and encourage them to keep going. When you participate in fandom, focus on discussing the stories that make you go hell yes! Make fandom friends, who you can privately talk more in depth about works or what doesn’t work for you in a fanfic. Discord can feel private! But when you have over 5k members it isn’t and discussions that veer into complaining about an author’s choices it can start to come across as a pile up. I know hearing about how my own stories are discussed has left me discouraged.

To quote Albus Dumbledore-"Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” There is collective power in how we engage. I’ve personally adored this pairing since I was a young child. To this day I still remember some of the storylines that I would play over and over in my head. I took solace in the magical world when I was bullied and I spent my lunch hours hiding in the library with my copy of PoA. As an adult I’ve turned to writing fanfic while trying to manage grief and the overwhelm of figuring out this next stage of my life. What has stayed consistent is my love of these characters.

It took me 22 years to start writing down my ideas, and I’ve found a lot of joy in doing so. I know many other writers have to. There really is nothing like getting a story out of your head and onto the page, even better? Getting to share it with others who love those characters too. We should think of ourselves as lucky that there are so many different stories out there to choose from. And that so many people choose to share their creativity with the world. I truly think we have more in common than we may realize, readers/writers/moderators etc.

I’ll leave you with this poem, because I find poetry always expresses things better than I can.

All the best,

Suzy.

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 40 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

SilverVixen: I assure you, I am almost ready.

FlameHairSavior: Almost as in minutes, hours, or days?

SilverVixen: Days.

FlameHairSavior: Fine.

Icarus: MY part is ready. And if we had gone with my plan, we would be done by now.

ADMIN [Zo]: Please stop bringing that up.

Icarus: Just because you are too immature to accept necessary sacrifices does not change the truth.

ADMIN [Zo]: This isn't even about your actual plan any more, you're just being annoying.

HIMBO: YEAH, WHO'S IMMATURE NOW?

FlameHairSavior: Still you, Erend.

DIVINER: Aloy, what are you doing right now? I thought you had more things to do?

FlameHairSavior: I'm almost done exploring a Cauldron. I didn't want to start something else again if we're ready to go.

ADMIN [Zo]: Which Cauldron?

FlameHairSavior: Iota.

ADMIN [Zo]: I don't have that on my map.

[FlameHairSavior] has sent a [MAP LINK] to ADMIN [Zo]

ADMIN [Zo]: Thank you.

FlameHairSavior: It was tricky to get in. The main entrance didn't have anything I could override. Had to find a crevice entrance.

DIVINER: Why wouldn't it have an override??

HIMBO: YOU KNOW, NOW THAT I THINK OF IT, WHY DO ANY OF THEM HAVE OVERRIDES? GAIA NEVER INTENDED THESE THINGS TO BE USED BY HUMANS.

DIVINER: ...huh. You know, that's actually a good point!

HIMBO: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ACTUALLY?

Icarus: It's an insult.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Do you have anything productive to contribute at this point, or are you just going to continue sniping at everyone?

Icarus: Unlike some of you, I can multi-task.

SilverVixen: I notice that Alva isn't denying it being an insult.

DIVINER: I'm not what?

DIVINER: But anyway, I'm still curious about Erend's question! I wish GAIA was still here!

ADMIN [Zo]: Actually, I did speak to her about this a little.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I don't recall seeing anything like that in the chat.

ADMIN [Zo]: It was in person, not in the chat.

ADMIN [Zo]: Anyway, the Cauldrons are at least generally human-traversible and human-safe due to the fact that humans have wandered inside before. GAIA also anticipated the possibility of humans needing to come in to help with maintenance one day, or perhaps to shut down a malfunctioning Cauldron.

DIVINER: Which I guess is basically what's happening!

ADMIN [Zo]: Exactly. She also said something about the "barest minimum of oasha's safety protocols," whatever that meant.

SilverVixen: Do you mean OSHA?

ADMIN [Zo]: Possibly. This was an actual conversation, not a text, I don't know how to spell it.

SilverVixen: OSHA was the American safety regulation and administration board. They made sure factories were as safe as possible. Warning signs around dangerous machinery, clear lanes of passage, and plenty of safety railings. That sort of thing.

FlameHairSavior: Well, the Cauldrons got the clear lanes of passage right, but they forgot about everything else. This one is damaged from an earthquake or something, but none of the others have been much better.

SilverVixen: I have never actually read OSHA regulations, so I don't know which parts GAIA would be able to ignore or circumvent.

HIMBO: REALLY? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D LOVE READING A BUNCH OF DRY REGULATIONS. ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU DO ALL DAY?

SilverVixen: What do you think I do for fun?

HIMBO: YOU STARE AT REALLY OLD PAINTINGS AND RAMBLE ABOUT THEIR HISTORY WHILE DRINKING WINE.

SilverVixen: ...

SilverVixen: I scanned you when I first entered the Base.

HIMBO: OKAY?

SilverVixen: Judging by your current alcohol consumption, I can tell the exact day your liver is going to give out.

SilverVixen: But I'm not going to tell you.

HIMBO: THAT'S JUST PLAIN UNNECESSARY ALL AROUND.

FlameHairSavior: ANYWAY, Zo, did GAIA say why the Cauldrons have override points for humans?

ADMIN [Zo]: Hm? Oh, that's simple: She didn't. The overrides were intended as emergency access for her own machines, if a Cauldron was cut off from the network or otherwise failing to listen to commands. GAIA could directly control a machine designed for maintenance and have it open the way.

HIMBO: YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SEEN A TINKER MAKE SOME GUN THAT SHOOTS LIGHTNING OR WHATEVER, BUT THEN IT OVERHEATS AFTER THE FIRST SHOT AND THEY CAN'T EVEN GET THE CASE OPEN TO FIX IT.

FlameHairSavior: Huh, Tallneck.

DIVINER: What does that have to do with anything??

FlameHairSavior: Sorry, still in the Cauldron. Looks like it was building a Tallneck and got interrupted by an earthquake. You don't see these being made a lot.

ADMIN [Zo]: Looking at the map, that explains why there isn't one in the area.

FlameHairSavior: Uh oh.

ADMIN [Zo]: What is it?

FlameHairSavior: Rollerback.

SilverVixen: I have not heard of that one.

MARSHAL Kotallo: It is a machine based on a pangolin.

SilverVixen: You know what pangolins are? I don't know if they were part of the basic terraforming package, but they shouldn't be native to this region.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Sylens directed me towards some nature documentaries.

HIMBO: REALLY?

Icarus: I'm rarely interested in them myself, but they can be quite fascinating.

DIVINER: Um, should we really be bothering Aloy while she's fighting a rolling death machine??

FlameHairSavior: It's fine, I killed it.

SilverVixen: Rolling death machine? Pangolins are tiny.

FlameHairSavior: Well, rollerbacks are huge.

FlameHairSavior: I just have to finish up this Cauldron. One or two more overrides should do it.

HIMBO: YOU KNOW, THAT THING ABOUT THE OVERRIDES EXPLAINS WHY ALOY DOESN'T GAIN FULL CONTROL OF THE CAULDRON AND CAN'T JUST HAVE IT SEND OUT AN ARMY UNDER HER COMMAND.

ADMIN [Zo]: Correct. It's a maintenance function, not enslaving the entire Cauldron.

HIMBO: TOO BAD.

Icarus: I will admit I was hoping for a personal Cauldron the first time I used an override on one. Many of my plans would have been much simpler.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I am curious, would you have ignored Regalla and the Tenakth entirely, or would you have given Regalla more weapons?

Icarus: It would have depended on several factors. I almost certainly would have needed human support somewhere along the way.

MARSHAL Kotallo: Of course. I should have known.

DIVINER: Aloy! Not that I'm trying to change the subject or anything, but are you out of the Cauldron yet?

FlameHairSavior: Uh, no. Things got weird. It's broken, remember?

ADMIN [Zo]: If you're texting while fighting again...

FlameHairSavior: No, no, the normal exit was blocked so I have to go under the Cauldron and follow a weird path. Bunch of moving parts and things.

FlameHairSavior: And now I'm above the chamber. Guess I have to fix it.

SilverVixen: Do you really believe you can fix a broken factory made by an ancient AI, which hasn't been able to solve the problem in however many years it has been since the earthquake?

HIMBO: NAH, SHE DOES THIS SORT OF THING ALL THE TIME.

MARSHAL Kotallo: In the Grove, she literally brought the lost Visions back to life.

Icarus: I watched her fight a state-of-the-art war machine and come out on top. Note that this was after she fought through about a dozen of those war machines that were already heavily damaged by wear and time.

DIVINER: She's a saint in at least two religions!

ADMIN [Zo]: Maybe three.

DIVINER: Oh? The Utaru are that grateful for what she did with the land-gods?

ADMIN [Zo]: There's been some discussion.

SilverVixen: What exactly do you expect her to do?

FlameHairSavior: Maybe they expect me to ride the Tallneck head along the conveyer belt, shooting hostile machines that try to stop me, let the head reattach, detach a construction arm, and then ride the completed Tallneck up the elevator and into open air?

SilverVixen: ...

SilverVixen: Please tell me you recorded all of that.

DIVINER: I'm already making a compilation video!

Chapter 40 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[fandomsandflyingstingrays]

My contribution for Acolyte Week day 4: Wisdom/Ignorance!

PIP-0604, known by close associates as Pip, had spent fifty-two thousand, five hundred sixty hours with the human female Verosha Aniseya, known by close associates as Osha. As such, by logical reasoning, he knew her better than any of her organic companions. He was accustomed to her mannerisms and expressions, the contours of her face and the styles of her hair. The human female that knelt before him now checked all of those boxes.

Except that the ends of her hair were singed.

Except that her eyes were harder than he had ever seen Osha’s.

Except that while Osha had thrown him to the umbramoths, she had told him she loved him before doing so. He had determined that her voice had held the emotion that humans called devastation, and his analysis of the situation indicated that Osha had made the only choice that allowed her and all of her organic companions to survive. If the human looking at him now had been Osha, she would have greeted him much more warmly.

The only explanation, then, was that this was Mae-ho Aniseya, known by close associates as Mae. Osha had spoken of her often, an experience that had always been confusing for Pip. Her tone was that which humans typically reserved for those for whom they held a deep affection, but her words did not compute with such emotion. It had been Mae who destroyed the commune Osha had grown up in. Mae who, more recently, had terminated two beings whom Osha had also spoken of with warmth.

These actions, Pip decided, overruled Osha’s tonal indicators. There was only one thing to be done. He activated his spout, spraying oil into Mae’s right eye.

Mae cried out, seizing Pip from his charging station. “What if I reset you to factory settings, hm?”

A jolt of fear pulsed through Pip’s circuits. He protested, loudly, but Mae was unyielding. The world went dark.

A few seconds later, she came back into focus.

If Pip had been re-set to factory settings, he would not have recognized her.

It must have been the Tynnan called Bazil, who had rescued Pip from the forest floor. He had done a few unnecessary repairs that Pip had been unable to identify a cause for. One of them must have disabled Pip’s reset feature.

But if Bazil could do that, Pip was confident Mae could undo it. It would be wise to act as though the reset had worked.

Mae reattached Pip’s head to his body. “Can you run a check on the power system?” she asked.

He replied in the affirmative.

Once he had determined that the system required a five-minute reset, Mae engaged the procedure and went to report to Sol. Once he had been updated, Sol engaged in typical human regret procedures over the numerous organic terminations on Khofar. Then, to Pip’s surprise, the human nodded at him.

“You found him. Your PIP droid.”

“Yes. He’s okay now.”

“I noticed the way you take care of him. Talk to him. You love him, even though he’s just a machine.”

Pip protested loudly at that— just, when used in basic, was usually a derogatory modifier— but neither human paid him any mind. They conversed until the ship’s power returned, and as soon as it did, Mae made a run for the communications console.

“Hello? Is anybody there? Can you hear me?”

“Identify yourself.”

“My name is—“

Mae’s voice was drowned out by a pulsing sound, and a bright blue beam of light passed over her and Pip. Pip’s functionality did not change, but Mae collapsed to the ground. It had been a stun weapon, then. Bazil knew, as Pip did, that Mae was masquerading as her sister. It was logical that he would wish to put a stop to the charade.

But the organic who picked Mae up from the floor was not Bazil. It was Sol.

“Oh, Mae,” he said.

“Master Sol. The rescue team is on their way. Leave your transponder on—“

Sol switched it off. A second later, the ship entered hyperspace. Pip had only spent one hundred ninety-two hours with Sol, but that was long enough for him to know that these actions were incongruous with his previous ones.

Sol picked Mae up from the floor and brought her to a bed in the ship’s living quarters, strapping her wrists down on either side of it. He then took a seat across from her, evidently intending to remain there until she regained consciousness. He didn’t acknowledge Pip.

When Mae finally awakened, it was with the same thrashing, panicked movements that her sister made when coming out of a nightmare. To an organic, it might have seemed that she settled when she caught sight of Sol, but Pip could tell that her muscles were still tensed.

“I have no intention of harming you, Mae.”

“Then let me go.”

Sol crossed the room to stand next to them. “I will, believe me. We have a lot to do. We need to find your master. We need to save Osha. But first, you and I are going to talk. I’ve had sixteen years to think about what I would say to you if I ever got the opportunity. So you’re going to listen.”

Mae’s current position gave her little opportunity to do anything else— and Pip decided it was in his best interests to listen, too.

Sol’s story went against everything that Osha had told Pip. And yet, logically, it made more sense. Osha had spoken of Mae with affection because the willful destruction of their home had not been in conjunction with her sister’s characteristics. It was, however, in keeping with what Pip had observed from Sol. The man who treated Osha with such care could easily have let those emotions override his rational judgments when contemplating her future. The man who had strapped Mae down in an attempt to make her think he was in the right could easily have killed her mother out of a misplaced confidence in his own judgment.

Sol’s story came to a close just as the ship emerged from hyperspace, and Pip began to craft a plan. Above all else, his primary directive was to fix. To make pieces fit in the way that they were meant to. His secondary directive— a self-determined one, admittedly, but it counted to him— was to protect Osha. Freeing Mae would accomplish both.

He nudged her finger, gently, and she began to talk, holding Sol’s attention while inching Pip towards the cuffs. He unlocked his electric prod, piercing the cuff with it and sending a pulse into its wiring. As soon as it released, Mae lunged forwards, and Pip sent a jolt of electricity into Sol strong enough to make him collapse. Mae ran down the hall, but it was clear in her hesitant steps that she had no idea where to go.

Pip called out, indicating the opening for the escape ship, and Mae glanced down at him. It was more ingenuity than a model running on basic settings would show, and they both knew it.

She took him into the ship anyway, making sure he was secure in his place at the console before putting her helmet on.

“Thanks for the assist,” she told him. “I never knew a droid could be such a good actor.”

Pip hesitated, unable to tell if she was being genuine or facetious.

“Don’t worry,” she said, pulling the escape ship away from the main one. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Osha loves you. And you know I love her too now, right?”

Pip agreed, and Mae gave him a quick grin. “Then you and I are on the same side.”

They wove through the asteroid field above Brendok, with Pip offering suggestions and observations as fast as his processor would allow. It didn’t stop them from crashing to the surface, but Mae was on her feet almost as soon as the ship had stilled.

True to her word, Mae plucked Pip from the wreckage before anything else, running with him towards a fortress that Pip inferred must have been her and Osha’s home. As she got closer, however, her pace slowed, and by the time they went inside, she was barely moving at all.

“It was the Jedi’s fault,” she whispered. “But you want to know a secret, Pip?”

He gave a hesitant affirmation.

“I will never forgive myself for starting that fire.” She brushed a hand along a wall, and her fingers came away caked in ash. “If I hadn’t tried so hard to scare Osha into staying, she never would have believed I was the one to kill our family. If I hadn’t fought so hard to keep her here… well, she would have left. But the rest of us would have stayed.”

But then, Pip pointed out, she would have been with Sol, who had proven he was not to be trusted.

To his surprise, Mae understood. “That’s true,” she agreed, patting his head. “I guess you and I will just have to do what we can to look out for her now to make up for it, huh?”

Pip agreed. But another idea occurred to him. It was contrary to his set objectives, but he had a hard time letting it go.

Who was going to look out for Mae?

Osha refused to listen to Mae when she arrived. She fought her, kicking and screaming. And when she yelled for Pip, he told himself he was doing it for her own good as he sprayed water in her eyes, allowing Mae to gain the upper hand. That his attack was only to make her listen, because once she did, she would be happy.

But when another Jedi ship came out of hyperspace and Mae fled the room, Pip didn’t call out to Osha.

When Osha heard Sol confess his crimes, when she killed him, Pip found himself just as glad that Mae had proved her innocence as he was that Osha could at last make sense of what had happened.

When the two sisters reconciled at last, his relief for each of them was equally strong.

And when the human who had introduced himself as Qimir approached, Pip didn’t know what to think. He seemed to no longer be a threat towards either twin, at least, and Pip agreed with his assessment that the Jedi Order would likely not show Osha mercy for what had taken place. But he wanted to reset Mae to factory settings. Having been so close to the same fate, it didn’t sit right with Pip.

Mae agreed to it, just as Pip had agreed to be taken by the umbramoths. They were a team, as Mae had suggested, their directive to keep Osha safe and well.

Only, Osha had a new protector. Mae did not.

Only, Mae had protected Pip, while Osha had sacrificed him.

Only, Pip knew all too well what Mae was about to go through— and he was confident he could help.

So after Mae’s reset, when Osha plucked him from Mae’s belt, he protested.

“You… want to stay with her?”

She had protected him.

Pip was accustomed to Osha’s mannerisms and expressions. He could tell it was guilt that settled on her face now, and as much as it hurt to see her feeling negatively, it made him feel a little better, too.

“I think that’s a great idea, Pip,” she said, placing him back at Mae’s side. “Look out for her, please.”

He intended to. If Pip could come back from a reset, it stood to reason that an organic could, too— and Pip would be ready to fight at Mae’s side the moment she came back to herself.

Until then, he would hold the memories for both of them.

[womaninwinter]

Writing vs Visual Art

Prompts from @insidethekaleidoscope: if you both write and make visual art, how would you compare the experiences?

Have you always done both or is one a more recent hobby?

I've always been doodler and a storyteller, but it's only recently that I started thinking of them as Art. When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be a writer. When I was a teen, I thought I was going to be an artist. And now I'm writing again.

2. Do you prefer one over the other? Why?

I am a better (more practiced) writer than artist, so I am generally happier with the results of my writing than my drawing/painting. At the moment I'm on a writing kick, but there was definitely a long period where I preferred visual art, and I think this also had to do with the online spaces I was hanging out in. When I'm in fandom spaces, the primary way I can contribute is writing, so I tend to do that. When I was not into fandoms, and was just more generally into Insta art communities, I was seeing a lot of art, so I was doing a lot of art.

3. Are you drawn to the same themes in both?

Hm. Now, I never thought of myself as having Themes in my visual art, again because I'm not that good at it and thus I don't have a great deal of control. However, there are definite stylistic commonalities. My thought process tends towards gothic/intricate/exaggerated/intense and both my art and my writing have those characteristics.

4. Do you see them as connected practices?

This is funny. I've never thought about them as connected, mostly because I only seem to have the time/energy to do one creative hobby at a time. The times when I produce a lot of art are the times when my writing is fallow and vice versa. That said, I think that producing visual art sometimes helps unstick me in my writing, but then again, so does writing longhand on paper, so possibly it's just easier to be creative when I'm not taking psychic damage from the screen.

5. Do you feel more confident in one than the other?

As is probably obvious from my answers so far, I'm much more confident in writing than drawing/painting, but this is mostly because I've had more practice and training in writing. I've had almost no formal art lessons (until a couple of years ago when I did a life-painting class, which did actually rule), but writing was part of my education all the way up, and then it became part of my job, as a translator. Wish I had more time to practice/learn art, but alas, the brain worms are dead set on writing right now.

6. Do you do both at once or do you have periods of time where you only write or only make art?

Also mostly already answered. I can do both, if I really make a conscious effort to build it in, but it takes a lot of discipline and I don't have much of that. I really wish I had the brain space to do both, because I love painting and I miss it. But I do still make art in that I doodle constantly - all my notebooks have little scribbles in the margins, of castles and funny little people and flowers. My work diary is stuffed full of little scraps of paper like this.

7. Does one come easier than the other?

I would be tempted to say writing, but it really depends on what type of art or writing I'm doing. I doodle without thinking or even meaning to. If I have a pen and paper, the difficulty is stopping my hand from drawing. But a big writing project (like a chapter of a fic for example) comes more easily to me than an artistic project.

8. Do you feel more invested in one than the other?

This also varies over time and I think is hugely influenced by what I'm getting more feedback about/what forms part of my social life. At present, my social circle really revolves around writing to a great extent, so I'm super invested in that. But up until very recently, my answer would have been 100% the other way around. I have a drawer full of sketchbooks that I was so so painfully proud of.

9. Does one medium feel more true to you or representative of who you are as a person?

I don't think so, although I think I do tend to be more surprised to see myself coming out in my art. I'm often very conscious of what I'm doing in my writing, and I'm usually aware of a lot of what I'm revealing about myself in it. Because I'm less in control of my art, it's always a surprise to see how specific it is to me, that unbeknownst to myself, I was drawing an experience that I was having.

10. Do you decorate your house with your art and do you reread your writing?

I was going to say 'no' to decorating my house and then I looked up to the right at the massive portrait from my life-painting class stuck up on my wall and rethought that answer. So yes to the art, but not a whole lot. I do tend to reread my writing until I'm sick of it. And then I leave it a few months and come back reread it and think "oh hell ya, this girl knows my tastes exactly." (Actually, maybe this is why I'm less happy to decorate with my art. I'm not really good enough to cater to my own tastes there.)

11. What do you find the experiences have in common?

Flow state I think. It's been a long time since I reached it for either medium (creativity's always in bits and snatches with me, because that's generally all I have time for. It's easier for me to write 100 words though then it is to do a 10-minute sketch.) but the sensation of being totally absorbed, of not noticing time passing, and the burning pride and joy when you produce something good is the same in both cases.

All done! Thank you Mo for this very interesting and much needed exercise in self-reflection. I think I'll draw something now!

[kaisooficpodcast]

1st Anniversary of KFP

Ladies and gays and of the like, listeners of the kaisoo fic podcast show, I am extremely pleased to share that this is the one year anniversary of the kaisoo fic podcast!

I am joined together with John Doe who will be my cohost for this episode. 

Hi, I am John Doe. I would like to congratulate you, Alexio, on the first anniversary of your podcast about kaisoo?

Alexio, so one whole year doing the podcast. You're always the one asking questions, maybe this episode we get to know more about the ins and the outs of the podcast. 

Let’s start from the very beginning. Why or rather how did the podcast idea start?

I read fics, that is obvious. I am a very passionate person and I feel emotions very strongly. So when I am deeply moved by a fic, I will express those emotions to my friends. And i think there was a point when i was expressing my emotions for the fics, that i saw the look of boredom on my friends faces. And to me, i realised that “ok this is not the target audience i should be sharing this to”. But I still needed a place where I could cathartically express my intense emotions and feelings for the fics. And one day i was like i want to talk about the fics with people who share similar sentiments. So what i did initially was to type it out, to post on tumblr. But it was not enough. I wanted to converse with someone, to bounce off energy with. Then one day I was like hm podcast. And the rest is history. 

I see, so it started from a personal need, then it grew to needing space. You wanted to talk about kaisoo fics. And talking is a social thing, so you need to talk about it WITH people. It seems very hopeful because since you could not find a space, you created one for yourself. And with the freedom of having space, it is possible that other people understand the kasioo fic vision you have. They support as listeners and contribute as guests on the show as authors, artists and readers. 

Thank you for saying that, and I believe that is true as well. The moving force of a lot of the episodes is the need to honour the guest. To give limelight to authors by having episodes that I call author sessions, where we talk about their journey as a writer, their inspiration and caring for their work. 

Why do you feel the need to honour authors?

I do that for many reasons. Firstly, why I honour guests is because they are under appreciated. When writing, you put yourself out into the ficdom vulnerably. Fic writers write for free, have active social and work lives on the daily, yet as an outlet, take their irreplaceable time to write for us. As compared to authors who have books with publishers, fics writers do not have the luxury of promoting their work. What I mean by promotion is by having book launches and seeing their works in bookstores. Instead, fanfic promotion has fic writers relying on word of mouth in the twitter world, the masterlists by kaisooficrec and the search bar on ao3. Appreciating authors in this manner is the very least I can do, hence this being one of the moving forces of continuing on with the show. 

And I am very much relieved that it had also been acknowledged by rainepaige on our first episode together. That episode will always be very meaningful for me because that was the first episode I had with a live guest. Raine in her ending comments expressed her gratitude on how the podcast showcases different writers, and for her as a writer it becomes a rewarding experience to be able to put on a spotlight by a reader who actually loves their fics. That gave me a confidence boost because that was the moment that made me realise that this is my contribution to the kaisoo community. 

Wow, the first episode with a guest was meaningful. That being the first of many, how does the very first author session develop into the later authors session?

The biggest thing I learnt actually was the importance of building a relationship with the guest. The thing about podcasts is that you are usually having a conversation with another person. This is a person you meet online, so listening to their voice might be a bit awkward and unexpected at first. The thing i do now for sessions with guests after learning from Raine’s episode is to have a proper pre-recording chit chat. For Raine it happened about half an hour before the actual recording. With that, it took longer to ease into the momentum of the episode. With that, I realised I really needed to have a proper relationship with authors by familiarising both myself and the guests to each other’s voices. To learn the way we speak, to recognise the way tone changes at a particular comment or how with feelings of excitement we get into natural tangents. I do that in all the following episodes that feature guests. Apart from Raine we had Inari, Haqiyin, Yu and Jie, Lyn. I scheduled a zoom session with them and we just talk, get to know each other a bit about our backgrounds, a bit on professional life, weather, and then we go on talking about the flow of questions. 

Importance of having a relationship with guests and making time to schedule open communication. Towards the end you mentioned that you also discuss the flow of questions. In the episodes, authors have mentioned they appreciate the questions asked. So let’s talk about that, how has your ability to listen and bounce back questions improved over the span of… wow 12 episodes with 7 different unique live guests?

I will talk a bit on 7 episodes with non live guests. Non live guests are basically the authors i DMed and they were either too busy or too shy to get their voices out publicly. So authors like at1stsoo, maokun, melings, jokkomi, kiki, bunny and yeolimerent. For these 6 authors plus kiki the artist, I sent them a google document with questions. First few episodes with the first few authors were very… transactional? Like I would ask questions and they would reply then end of story. So in terms of ability to bounce back questions, not much, especially in those few episodes. Those episodes to listeners may sound very unnatural and from there things needed to change. So from that acknowledgement, the skill to listen and bounce back questions changed, but not without help from a real life friend. She is also a kaisooists. We met on twitter about 3 years ago. We meet regularly. She is my confidant and importantly for the podcast, she beta reads my episodes. Dudu, thank you very much for all that you have done for me, kaisoo related or not, you are a true friend. 

Have you just learnt about that?!

What was the biggest thing that Dudu helped you identify?

Many times I tend to hyperfocus on things that may not necessarily be of importance. Dudu helped me literally highlight the points. To identify the direct answers for the questions asked, then the minor details that the author brings up. 

We talked about the skill needed in listening and giving it back to the guest and you shared the help you’ve gotten from your friend. What other sources do you take for inspiration and format?

I take from a lot of sources. 

When I’m doing brainless stuff, meaning my hands need to move but my mind need not be present, I try to regularly listen to BBC Radio 4’s podcast titled ‘Books and Authors’. I’ve taken examples from that podcast in terms of how the host signposts to the next question or how to graciously ask questions. Biggest thing as well is to get the author to read an extract of their work.

If I’m looking for inspiration to do lighthearted stuff for the podcast, I listen to a pair who reviews Harry Potter fanfics, titled ‘Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them’. The title is brilliant and it honestly captures the essence of the Harry Potter series.

For more technical problems like formatting and structure of episodes and for editing audio tracks with GarageBand, I look on YouTube. 

This is a simple question but a loaded one. Firstly I note that there are four different types of episodes of the kaisoo fic podcast show. 

Firstly there are the Trailers slash Teasers basically a sneak peak into an ongoing fic.

Then we have a lot of Author slash Artists sessions where you interview the creatives in the kaisoo fic community.

Sessions with Readers where keen kaisooists come on board to appreciate the fic that have been read individually to talk about it together. 

And miscellaneous promotional stuff like to launch the discord.

Am I missing anything else? 

Actually not at all, thank you for identifying the four types, very observant! So yes, the simple question is?

Ah yes. My question is: Now knowing the help you get in terms of looking to other shows for inspiration, motivation from a friend and having a confidence boost from your guests, my question is: How do you plan for an episode?

Thank you for starting off with identifying the several types of episodes because it makes it easier to think through how I go about planning one generally, rather than going through each and every episode we have had so far. 

So to answer your question, the way I approach an idea for an episode for an author’s session. I actually look at the writers who are active and responsive on twitter. I used to read a lot. Funnily enough after the podcast I have had less time to read but anyway back to my point. The authors that I follow, not many are as active anymore because of life commitments and that Jongin is in the military. Usually if I see an author on my timeline, I will DM them. 

What happens after getting the attention of the author?

Upon gaining the authors interest in participating, I will draft an outline on what I want us to talk about, arrange for a common time slot to schedule the pre-recordings and actual session.

Ah ok so outline. Generally there is a tendency to ask similar questions. Why do you think it is important to ask these set questions?

It is important because we have an array of writers who come from different backgrounds, upbringing, life experiences, cultures and beliefs. By asking them similar questions, we get to see how diverse yet united fic writers are. With that said, I do tweak the flow of questions based on my personal takeaways from the past episode published for the following episode.

What are the things you have learnt about these diversely united fic writers?

One of my many favourite questions to ask authors is Do you ever tell people around you that you write fanfiction?

I asked this to Raine, Inari and Haqiyin. Raine and Haqiyin are regional neighbours and possibly because of the cultural similarities, the two authors do not tell people in their personal life about their writing hobby. For Raine mainly because she mentions her family is more traditional while Haqiyin, is more private and does not talk about her skills, but rather shows them. 

Inari on the other hand, interestingly enough, tells people she writes, and when asked, she is transparent about it. But in addition to that, she is also working on original novels and children’s books. So people who find the topic of fanfiction odd, linger on her other works. Inari has people in her life who read her fics and her cousin Macks has been editing her works since 2015. 

Another question that gets unique responses is one I like to ask about what their writing process looks like?

Those who write SNS aus like bunny and raine, We see there is a significant amount of research needed just to look for kaisoo and exo look alike photos. How to make it interactive because it is in the format of twitter and imessage. 

Other guests who write on ao3 and answered this question as well. Regular podcast listeners will know for a fact that there is no one set and fixed way for an author to write. There are really many ways you can express creative writing. 

Generally a common thing I find, for example Raine and Inari, they have a start and an ending in mind. These two moments don't really differ from the final draft of the fic, but in between the start and end, a lot of things change halfway for Raine, outlines for Inari are always subjected to change. With the everchanging outlines, Inari also mentions that she finds herself hopping between scenes and having it nonlinear. As a reader and a listener, it is an eye opener because for me the last time i did any creative writing was in primary school or elementary years, what i remember is that we are always taught to plan plan plan. But there is really no one way to do things. Inari hopping between scenes for me was an eye opener, but when it came to yeolimerent’s Pride, I was shocked.

First few questions I asked yeolimerent was I asked that question thinking the answer would be something along the lines of wanting to hook the attention of the reader and from there she would bring us along with what she had planned. That was what I thought. But I was very happily shocked when yeolimerent said the climax of the plot was the very first scene she came up with. The high intense conflicting emotions, the reminiscing, the anger, the shock, the pain Kyungsoo felt was the first scene she came up with for Pride. With that starting scene, she wanted readers to have a sneak peak into kaisoo’s dynamics and ask “what could’ve happened between them?” and “where do we go from here?” so it is the perfect prologue for the story. I genuinely thought I could not be anymore shocked, but I was proven wrong.

She mentioned that she was not much of a planner while writing Pride. Every chapter came randomly, no outline, just a vague idea of what she would want to see happen in that chapter and how to wrap it up. What I love about this, and why I have a deeper appreciation for her Pride after going through the episode, is because readers are exploring kaisoo in Pride as she is writing. Yeolimerent was just exploring and exploring, seeing where our two beloved characters may end up. Very intense, and yeolimerent acknowledges the fic was so long because she could not control the way the plot unfolded. 

Now these questions were for author sessions, what about Fic Trailer Episodes?

Another type of episodes we have is for ongoing fics. We have had two authors now giving us a sneak peak to the fic they are in the process of writing. 

Maokun for instance in the episode for her ongoing Private Matters, we talked about the tags that have yet to come out in the chapters, specifically on Kyungsoo’s character development and childhood trauma.

Dear mao, if you're listening, we are very eager to know how the fic progresses. But, as always, at your own pace.

The second trailer-like episode we have is very recently with rainepaige08. Raine is rewriting her complete tweetfic and posting it on ao3 titled Chasing Summer Skies. For this specific episode what is unique is that we already know the plot, but because it will be rewritten, Raine will be developing certain scenes, provide deeper insights to the perspectives.

That is very… it just goes to show the range of writers in the kaisoo fic community. And these are just four authors you properly interviewed. I notice you don't really reference the birthday season episodes and earlier. Is that deliberate?

Not really deliberate, i think the first few episodes i did i was just starting out and so i had not really found proper footing yet. I am talking about in every aspect from the audio quality, the duration of the episode (which reflects the type of questions asked), post recording editing. Actually I think what I did really well was the episode cover art.

Could you talk more on the podcast cover art? What moment of the fic do you usually choose to illustrate? 

I genuinely love all my episode cover art pieces. Doing the podcast cover art is as important as fixing an outline for the script. I take a lot of pride in doing it, it is not the best, but with the limited skills and tools i have, i do what i can. 

For how i choose specific stills for episodes, basically upon reading the whole fic, i try to identify what are the most unique points of the fic. The episode on meling’s Blue for example. It is a sad fic, Kyungsoo is vulnerable in the fic and hence seen crying in the illustration. He angrily vocalises his insecurities to Jongin, and Jongin embraces him. This particular still i got the silhouette from pinterest and just traced it out. To me this picture captures the essence of blue (hold onto me everyday) by melings very well. Another similar experience I had was with Inari’s susceptible to you episode cover art. The moment I saw the two hands, one with fresh cuts and bruises and another healing with plasters, it reflects kaisoo’s relationship in terms of their troubled backgrounds and their hope to build a future together.

Which podcast cover art took the longest to do?

It is between bunny’s episode with the family portrait and low quality spazz with dudu for jongnugget’s american football. The process of getting body posture references for the portrait, then ensuring each jersey number would be seen on the uniform.

At what point do you reach out to EXO illustrators for commissions?

I keep a look out for the artists I follow. In the event they open commissions, I will definitely reach out to them. The keyword for when I reach out is when artists themselves open commissions. 

First commission done was by kiki, peachypeptide on twitter. The time of when she opened commissions was the perfect time because it coincided with the kaisoo birthday season. I will forever be grateful to kiki for helping me have my abstract sketches come to life digitally. 

You had two other commissions right?

Which two are you referring to?

Haqi episodes and Pride episodes.

Haqi’s was not commissioned, but rather the podcast was granted permission to use it. And I am very grateful she did, because it is an episode featuring Haqi and a Haqi drawing would be appropriate to have. 

Lyn was the second person I commissioned and I sort of knew better what to do and expect when commissioning someone. With Lyn we went through a lot of revisions, details, colours, backgrounds. She’s been very patient with me and also gives suggestions that add value to the final drawings. 

With the artist session episode with Lyn, I was pleasantly relieved that she found my guide outline very useful to churn out her creative energy. Lyn mentioned that with a detailed breakdown of what I wanted to see, it helped her guide her drawing. 

That actually reminds me that one of my questions to authors is on their inspiration.

In addition to being a writer, Haqi draws and is a graphic designer by profession. So specifically for her Swap AU she took a lot of photoshoots, concepts, pictures and events and content to be able to write and be inspired. 

Another author who took inspiration from photos and venue images is at1stsoo in her ‘In the Clouds With You’. Lizzie the author eagerly responded with how she took influence from real life kaisoo during the War Press Conference back in July 2017. Lizzie is the kaisoo historian that wrote the compendium of kaisoo’s journey. So with that already written, when she saw them in the beautiful outdoor venue, it sparked this proposal in a oneshot. In the fic, Kyungsoo pops a ring into Jongin’s pocket just before they appear on stage. And it all stems from that image of the venue plus how their suits looked like wedding suits and not forgetting the green carnation kyungsoo wears on his lapel… like… the symbol of doing that was popularised by Oscar Wilde to indicate men being attracted to other men. I wish i was making this shit up but… kaisoo is real everybody. 

Another writer who uses other forms of art to complement their writing is Inari. When Inari hears a song and a film plays in her head. It helps in evoking emotions and the right emotions through the use of instruments and melodies, rhythms, lyrics. Inari says it wonderfully in her episode, do give it a listen.

Raine’s inspiration starts with prompts and Haqiyin comes from dialogues. Haqiyin’s my dear was constructed based on a beautiful line she imagined Kyungsoo saying. Do check out the episodes with haqiyin to know what the actual quote was, its quite moving.

How different would an outline for an author's session look like from a session with readers?

For the episode with Dudu i was planning to think through more details, but because i had limited time at her house, we were just like “fuck it let’s just spazz about the fic” hence the title of the episode. Super low quality, recorded it on my phone and I think you can hear a person shifting pots and pans. But I think it would have been slightly better if it was more thoroughly planned, but the unique point of the episode is the low commitment aspect and I had lots of fun.

But to answer your question of how different an outline for an author's session compared to a session with readers, a good comparison would probably be the two episodes that talked about Pride by yeolimerent. So for Pride we had readers Yu and Jie to discuss the fic. Being amongst readers, we see that it is slightly more candid, more playful, literally as well because we had an ice breaker game segment so we were slightly more comfortable with each other. We played it twice actually, one pre recording the another during the recording itself.

For author yeolimerent, it was more of a typical authors session. I ask questions and there was a response, and we went back and fourth about twice. 

How have you improved over the past year?

I would like to believe I have definitely improved from where I started to now.

In all aspects, in terms of the sequence and type of questions, in terms of editing, taking out the filler words. All of which I am no master at, there is really so much to improve on, but I’m getting better. Of which some are also things like the quality of the questions asked to include more plot based questions apart from writer's journey and the flow of the episode to make it more conversational rather than obvious moments for questions and responses. 

Any other points you would like to make before we end the episode today?

When an author is writing, they are writing for the plot. It is not a full reflection of the author’s conviction in kaisoo in real life or as idols or whatever. It is seriously just to bring across a tasteful and intricate story that has human flaws and human complexities that make the characters have conflict.

Look at it this way. There is no fluff without angst, and there is no angst without fluff. So you need the points of contrast. 

I see, like a natural juxtaposition - day night, rain sunshine.

More importantly: kaisoo vs other ships

We may disagree with what the characters do, which is a good thing because it shows that we care for the characters, but the choices they make, be it being a misstep or a deliberate choice, is in the writer's hands, and we have to respect that. 

I want to go on a slight tangent, because it is related to what we are talking about, this idea of kyungsoo being shipped with another person other than Jongin. There are two realities of shipping, one for idol life and another for fanfiction. Since this show is a fanfic show, we will talk about fanfics because idol life is a whole other conversion all together. I hope this is not a controversial take, in fact I think it should be a universal common sense because to be completely honest it is appalling to me that some people have the capacity to hate on a writer, that is one. And two, to express your anger by writing a hate comment. Because seriously, how low can you get hating on a person who has done so much for free. Who has taken time and courage to express their creativity, then bare their work to the twitter world or the ao3 audience hoping readers will see kaisoo through their eyes as wonderful as it has been conjured up in their minds. It is a skill that demands mastery. And in the kasioo world, i see many who have obtained that skill.  

Dear readers and listeners, we are very blessed that we have a whole history and archive of literature for us, we have to celebrate that. We cannot let misery fog our want to read. I mean, this is all for the plot. The author is the one with creative choice, and we respect their direction. If you dont like it, you can literally scroll away. This fanfic reading is on a device, usually on your phone, just scroll away if it is not your cup of tea… there is really no need to leave a hate comment.

Sorry I just feel very passionate about this topic.

And before we end, in the discord during our monthly fanfic reading club event, lunar_frequencies or dia spoonie passionately mentions that fanfic writing, is a starting point. It is a place where writers start and test out the flow of narration, how characters and conflict work together and kickstart a love for writing. 

An aside, it is important to support writers. Not to shame those who are not writing up to a particular personal standard. We do not want to diminish the enjoyment of the craft because we want to support one another and help each other. 

Alexio any other final comments for this episode?

Ok i would like to end off with saying there is something just so exciting as the kaisoo fic podcast host. To get to know a bit more about an author that I personally like to read from. 

As readers we are given so much, and we should give back. It is only right for us or me, my purpose now is to use the podcast and discord platforms to bridge the gap between authors who write for the kaisoo ficdom, and the perception that readers have of writers being just a username that churns out fics. Authors are more than just their username that writes. Authors are real people who gain inspiration from who they are and what they experience and tapping onto their creative minds. 

All in all dear listener, thank you for your attention. Dear writer, if you would like to have your fic featured, do feel welcome to drop me a DM on twitter! Listener if you feel strongly for a fic and maybe you would like to talk about your favorite fic with me, do come on board onto the kaisooists discord community server and i would be open to discussion.

Specifically for at1stsoo maokun melings jjokkomi bunny and yeolimerent, i would like to thank you for your time in replying to me. If you are keen we can arrange for a sit down recorded zoom session and we can talk proper instead of just through a google document. 

For authors, Haqiyin Lyn and Raine, Inari and readers Dudu Yu and Jie, who have been on the show with me, I really cannot thank you enough.

Thank you dear kaisoo fic podcast listener, may we have another good year with kaisoo fics. Stay tuned.

[kaydens-agere]

Do u think you could write a lab rats x reader with diapers fic

If this makes u uncomfy in anyway pwease let m know

^*^ :D

Ofc!! I'm glad I can contribute to the Lab Rats agere community 🦅 (theres like 3 of us) I hope everyone likes it!! I'm ngl this one was hard for me to write cuz I don't use diapers myself so I hope i did it justice :) (below the cut)

💻Chase Davenport x Reader with Diapers🧪

Having Chase as a caregiver was incredible. No matter what happened, he'd always be there by your side and help you through your regression.

This meant a lot of talk about comfort and boundaries. The subject of diapers did eventually come up, and while you were initially embarrassed, he let you know that he didn't mind in the slightest.

Chase gently strokes your hair as you lay in his lap, you're in the living room peacefully watching Bluey. This arrangement was very typical for you both whenever you regressed, Chase enjoyed snuggling up with you while watching whatever TV show you wanted to watch that day. It was routine at this point, and you both liked it this way.

As you both keep watching, you realised that you've used your diaper. Even with all the reassurance, you feel your cheeks burn in embarrassment and shame whenever this happens, and this time it's no different. You start to quietly whine.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks gently. "Are you hungry?"

You shake your head, you break eye contact with him as he looks down at you. He furrows his brows for a moment, trying to figure out what's going on. He eventually figures it out and sighs gently.

"Oh, do you need a change?" he wraps his arms around you tightly.

You hesitate but give him a small nod, hiding your face in his chest.

"Hey, it's alright, baby." he soothes, kissing your head. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, little one."

Chase gently rubs your back with his hand, you sniffle as tears start to well in your eyes.

"Oh sweetheart... it's not a problem, I promise you. I know that you might feel like it's weird, but trust me, coming from someone who lived in a basement for 14 years and saves lives for a living, this is the least weird thing I've seen. I mean come on, have you seen Adam's armpit hairstyles?"

You giggle when he mentions that, Adam's armpit hairstyles were pretty odd. Even when you're feeling upset, he always knows how to make you feel better and how to make you laugh.

"Awww, look at that." he coos. "You're adorable when you laugh, little one." he pulls you into a tight hug and you bury your face in the crook of his neck. "I love you so so much, baby. And nothing in the world will ever change that, I promise."

You give him a little kiss on the cheek as a thank you.

"Oh! Thank you, sweetheart." he runs his hand through your hair before swiftly scooping you up in his arms to take you to the bathroom. "Now, let's get you changed. Can't feel good sitting in that diaper, hm?"

You shake your head. He was right, it was starting to feel pretty icky. He kisses you on the head once more as he walks you his bathroom to get you changed.

Once you're in the bathroom, he gently puts you down on the edge of the bathtub to grab the supplies. He grabs your diaper bag from the corner and pulls out a diaper, baby wipes, baby powder, a trash bag, and a lollipop. He was so grateful that Mr Davenport had given him and his siblings their own bathrooms, that way Chase could keep your diaper gear at his house just in case.

He moves you from the tub to the floor, putting you down on a pillow to make it more comfortable. He lets you know what he's doing before he does it and takes it at your own pace. He gently takes of your diaper and puts it in the trashbag, giving you a kiss on the head for reassurance. He then wipes you down and puts on some baby powder, making sure to praise you as he does. He grabs the fresh diaper and gently puts it on and lets you know how well you did. Over the few times he's changed you, he's managed to get his speed and efficiency down pretty well.

He sits you back on the tub, washes his hands, then gives you the lollipop. You smile as a thank you and put it in your mouth.

"You did such a good job! I'm so proud of you, baby." he gives you a quick kiss on the nose, earning a giggle from you in response.

"Now, let's get back to Bluey. Being in this bathroom isn't much fun, is it?" he grins playfully.

You shake your head as he gently lifts you up, booping your nose as he does. He carries you out of the bathroom back to the living room, and places you on the comfy couch. After he sits down himself, you snuggle up to him, your eyes starting to feel droopy.

"Are you tired, sweetheart?" he tilts his head and looks down at you.

You nod and yawn.

"That's alright. I'll hold you while you sleep, okay?" he said gently, wrapping his arms around you.

You nod as you slowly close your eyes and drift to sleep.

"Goodnight, little one."

[safetycar-restart]

So he can’t be teased!! No no no!! He knows he’s a stupid little bunny, he knows!! So you can’t tease him about it, you have to help him!!

mhm. he's stupid. he has a little, peanut sized brain. no thoughts in it. he just wants mommy and pierre to think for him. himbo. poor, sweet himbo charles.

what gets me is the fact that he KNOWS he's a stupid little bunny. he acknowledges it, and he accepted his fate. he is stupid. he knows and he embraces it, actually. when he can't form a sentence, and instead he tries to communicate with you through his facial expressions, you'd tell him "poor bunny, can't even form a sentence, hm? so pretty and dumb for mommy." and he just nods. yes, he's pretty. he's gorgeous, actually. and yes, he's dumb. why would you have to be smart if you're pretty?

and he LOVES when you point it out. but he doesn't like you teasing him about it 98% of the time. he's okay when you tell him so in bed, but when he's having an actually hard time? oh god, please no! your poor baby bunny! he'll be in tears! the sweet thing cannot handle that, he needs your help and your cuddles. when he tries to help, tries to think of something and come up with something good, he actually tries. because he wants to help, he wants to make you happy. so it's not exactly nice being told you're dumb when you're trying to be helpful. so you don't do that, instead, you help him and try figure it out together. your bunny tries his best!

(himbo!charles is my everything he is so bbg i love himbos)

- 📓

Right I have two things to say. Firstly, himbo!Charles is now a tag because I love it and I need more. Secondly, I cant believe you sent me this masterpiece and then immediately sent me an ask saying you haven't been inspired or writing well. Because uh... THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT I LOVE IT?? FUCK OFF WITH THE NOT BEING ABLE TO WRITE THIS IS A MASTERPIECE.

Anyway, lets move on to the actual content of this ask.

Charles has never been the quickest of thinkers, but that gets so much worse when he's with his Pierre and his mommy. The moment he's alone with you and Pierre, he just relaxes so much and his little braincell turns off because he doesnt need to think with you and Pierre around.

He's your little bunny!! Little bunnies dont have to think!! Little bunnies just have to listen to their mommies and their Pierres and be good!!! That's it.

He loves when you and Pierre call him out on that during scenes, because it just makes him feel so safe and subby? It's never framed as a bad thing, and you and Pierre always make it very clear that you're going to look after Charles so that he doesn't have to think for himself.

Charles truly feels so happy and loved!! The happiest dumb little bunny in the world.

However, it's not the same outside of scenes.

Because Charles genuinely does struggle sometimes. He has to put so much effort into speaking sometimes, because it's so much easier to just let you and Pierre take control.

Normally, he has no problem letting you and Pierre make all the decisions for him. But when he actually tries to make a contribution and struggles to do so, then you can't tease him. He'll start crying if you make fun of him, will feel so bad and so stupid and useless.

He needs you to help him then, to hold his hand and tell him you believe in him and give him all the time he needs. He can be a smart bunny! Really, he can!

But he gets so overwhelmed and scared so easily when he tries to make his own decisions, and so he needs you or Pierre to help him calm down. Give him some forehead kisses and cuddles and help him make some slow, deep breaths.

Of course he gets so much praise when he does manage to say what he wanted to!! He did so well!!

Though the praise just turns his little mind to mush and he ends up whining and squirming in your lap.

[batsplat]

Kind of a weird question but I was wondering if you have ever watched the motogp documentary shows, I think there are two? I've never seen anyone talk about them before so I'm assuming they're not very good. I was just wondering what your thoughts are on them. Also, if you have watched them or if you haven't watched them I was wondering if there is a specific reason for that or just generally your thoughts on sports documentaries like these ones or the F1 one or the tennis one.

I really love reading all your posts on motogp and tennis, thank you so much for contributing so much to the community!

thank you, that's very kind!! and yeah, we've had one season of 'motogp unlimited' and two seasons of 'there can only be one'. (every single time I try and remember the name for the second one, my brain goes 'and then there were none' before remembering what the actual title is. very different vibe.) I have watched them, for which the main reason is... uh. curiosity, ig? I'm interested in how the sport presents itself, interested in what they're doing for fan engagement, even when I'm not necessarily the target audience. I actually got into f1 in a slightly dumb way because they'd announced a tennis version of drive to survive and I was curious what that'd look like, so me and my flatmate decided to watch drive to survive. then some of the actual races, and it just sort of spiralled from there

which is probably the only new fan of anything that tennis show created - don't bother checking it out. absolute drivel. I know about the issues with dts and I am obviously more aware of the inaccuracies by now, but the main sin of the tennis version is that they never figured out how to make the sport remotely compelling. they made a show called 'break point' without explaining what a break of serve is. the central narrative tension of a tennis match and they just squander it. dts obviously doesn't engage all that much with the sporting side of f1 - but it does very early on provide you with the concept of a pit stop, this moment of direct interaction between the team and the driver, how suddenly the fate of the driver is completely dependent on the team etc etc. it's such a simple thing but it's immediately engaging... I get that it's a fine balance to strike between focusing on the characters and giving information about the actual sport, but I cannot emphasise enough how easy the drama of the serve/return dynamic should be to get across. I had a similar rant about this with the challengers film earlier this year actually... and again, I am fully aware I'm not the target audience here, I just think that when the actual sport hands you such neatly packaged drama, just... take advantage of what's already there? idk. call me crazy

ignore the bits about the tennis threesome and it's basically the same issue. like I watched most of the matches featured in that series and they didn't even try to capture the stories of these matches!! this feels so basic come on I am begging someone to do this right. 'break point' basically tells me a player lost a set 2-6 and then won a set 6-4 because they tried really hard and believed in themselves. I promise promise promise you can make the actual SPORT more compelling than that. the rhythms of a tennis match are so well-defined and clearly laid out... it should not be so hard to tap into this

compared to that baseline, the motogp shows are... hm... well, they're better than the tennis one for sure. just more watchable. it has admittedly been ages and ages since I've watched motogp unlimited, and I do remember liking some bits. just in terms of like... behind the scenes drama we didn't see at the time. I enjoyed the vinales/yamaha drama, I've obviously professed my love for marc's psycho look at mir, I thought the marc sachsenring segment was pretty well done. I can't... actually massively remember anything else, which is probably an issue in itself. from memory, I feel like a lot of my issues with 'give people a reason to care about the sport' still hold with this one. which tbh really shouldn't be that hard to do with motogp, like they're racing motorcycles, it's inherently conceptually a cool thing to be doing. I'm not a massive fan of 'hitting the apex' - but even though I feel it's a bit too style-over-substance-y, that's exactly what unlimited could have used a bit more of. the opening few minutes of that film where it cuts between the little kid and the motorcycle racers figuring out how to take the fastest line around the circuit... not massively a fan of pitt's narration throughout the film but it works here, I also think the music is doing a lot of good work. the whole thing does just do the job

like it just makes you feel the sport. I feel there's sometimes a bit too much of a wariness of making these sport shows feature too much of the sport... but if you're trying to make the sport compelling, you will actually have to figure out how to show the sports bit in a compelling way. you're so terrified of losing the casual viewer you're losing sight of what you're making a documentary of - when the whole appeal of a good documentary is to lose yourself in a world you might only be passingly familiar with. HAP leans into this emotional element from the start because it's also just some guys wanking off to the concept of motorcycles going fast, but you do need a little bit of that! the final product is a bit too sentimental and self-congratulatory for my tastes, but again. you need that core of genuine affinity for the sport

I do actually agree with the documentary that the process of taking a corner is what I'd lead with when introducing the sport to the new viewer. the lean angle of the rider and motorcycle is the most immediately striking visual angle - it looks quite jarring if you're unfamiliar with the sport, like the physics shouldn't quite check out. motogp really likes its corners, you've got plenty of specific ones associated with specific historically specific moves - your assen final chicanes, last corner jerez and catalunya, laguna corkscrew, etc etc. the instinctive terror of braking into some of them... mugello's main straight and turn one are infamous for a reason. these are things that easily tap into the character of the sport, but are also easy enough to sprinkle in for the casual viewer. the corner is where most of the overtakes happen, it's moments of direct engagement between riders - which, again, is probably what you want to be focusing on out of the gates. how this has evolved over the years - the contrast between the sport two decades ago and now is so easy to spot even for the layperson, and in large part that's because of how much more excessively they lean now. again, this is just very basic stuff... but as a starting point, surely you've got to try and tap into some of this shit. this is what your first-time viewer will be thinking about anyway when they're watching bikes go around track, so tap into that and explain why it's even more exciting than they think. sometimes motogp also leans in a bit too much for my liking into the whole 'they're gladiators who have broken every bone of their bodies!!' angle... yes, it's an unavoidable reality of the sport, but it makes the whole thing feel quite grim and morose. it's not what I'd lead with, let's but it that way

I'm aware this ask was not asking me to give my thoughts on how I personally would make a motogp documentary series lol. but yeah, idk, motogp unlimited as I remember it was 'reasonably fine but also a bit dull'. if you're already a fan of the sport, it swings between interesting tidbits I'm glad we got to see and telling you a whole lot of things you already knew, without particularly engaging framing and trappings. if you're a newcomer of the sport... I'm not convinced this show sells you on why you should actually care. and, idk if this is a controversial opinion or not, but I personally prefer... ffs what was it called. there can only be one. well first off, change the title - this one's a mouthful and just feels quite generic and half-arsed, which I suppose is appropriate. idk if they're doing it again this year... I thought the second season was a clear step-up from the first so I kind of hope they do. I don't actually think this is 'good' in that I wouldn't really give this to a new viewer and I'm not entirely sure who the target audience was - but it was basically fine for what it was. a glorified highlights package with a few extra behind the scenes tidbits to get you hyped for the new season. I liked the process of whittling down and introducing new title contenders and then the thing of turning off the light when they leave the chair once they're out of contention. it just feels like something that's quite nice to have as a bit of a summary of the season. it's a bit more like what they used to do in the 2010s, where they often made a documentary of the title winner and just a bunch of interviews with them and their team chucked in. the best one of these imo is the very first one they did for jorge in 2010, which includes some lovely childhood jorge footage and that segment where him and his team made it obvious how pissed off they were at valentino's catalunya 2009 celebrations lol, stuff like that. just some nice little details for the narrative!! those provide a bit more insight than the quite surface-level show we have now but... y'know, I don't hate it. fine to accompany you washing the dishes

anyway, yeah. that's my thoughts on both of those. I'm not massively enamoured with any motogp documentaries, though I do appreciate how at least there are a fair few. from the ones that exist, my favourite one is probably marc's all in thingy - had plenty of issues with it, but of its subject at least the issues were sometimes revealing in and of themselves. mostly I do just think the best way to understand the sport is to... go and watch a lot of races. older ones too. which I get is more time-consuming, but quite frankly it does feel like a more rewarding process. sometimes you have to piece together the narratives yourself