#what an un-fucking-serious bunch

[mxtxfanatic]

I agree that Shi Shanyan went a little overboard, but y’all not serious saying that he should have spared the life of the person y’all paid to kill him just because that person said “sorry.”

[mtkay13]

WenZhou x Memes! and, of course, some thoughts. More memes below + explanations! (Very Long Post)

You know other men?

The first one above was based on a famous "you know other men?" meme, that Bichen suggested we take part in (in the TYK community). I wanted to make ZZS smile at WKX's antics because it makes him laugh, ofc, and because he's quite fond of that wife act WKX enjoys playing so much.

The Barbie meme

Interestingly enough, this one has sparked quite a bunch of discussions online. When we had talked about making the meme for TYK!WenZhou, both Moose (@butleronice) and I thought that having ZZS as the serious one felt a bit strange. I feel like TYK!ZZS as I know him is rather goofy and would be more likely to make fun of the situation and the authorities that he doesn't take seriously.

WKX, besides in ZZS' presence, in the book, tends to act very cold and not necessarily civil--especially if you think those would be Jianghu authorities. Not saying the reverse wouldn't work, of course! But for my conception of the characters, it felt off. However--on twitter, we both received more comments than necessary saying: "This should be the opposite." "WKX should be the fun one--", etc. I have to confess that this left me worried regarding ZZS' reputation, considering that more often than not, when I make him to be the goofier, more stupid looking one, I get surprised reactions. I wonder what exactly has given him these... serious, un-fun vibes for many people.

The way I see it, in the book, ZZS is quite fun, overly civil and polite in a fake-smiley way, gets himself in absurd situations and WKX comments on him as being ridiculous and goofy. Of course, in ZZS' presence, WKX himself acts in a very extra way, but overall, in the book, WKX is quite closed-off and cold towards others, and doesn't give those vibes of being fun, extra or goofy to me. (I won't lie, I do blame the first and most popular translations for that, as they make ZZS quite stiff in the dialogs and I feel like this doesn't help...) I don't think it's a problem if people see them differently, though! But it was upsetting to see how some people did (quite rudely in some case) allow themselves to tell us how wrong we were, especially considering the time and care we both put in our decision to characterise them this way (and work on their expressions).

I recommend going to check Moose's version on her twitter as well (@butleronduty)!!

Equal strength

This one was based on a meme posted by Choco (@kwehxing) on twitter; about how this dialog would be fun for WenZhou.

I, once again, considered that yeah, maybe the default would have WKX turn any situation into a reason to fuck--but at the same time, I wondered: is it really his style? Isn't he having plenty of situations in which he can bring that up, already? I like to read ZZS as having a certain competence kink, and I think he gets off of sparring and feeling WKX's strength. I thought it fun to imagine him getting really worked up from sparring and using that as an excuse to demand fucking because OBVIOUSLY what else. I guess that to me, this is a reflection of how his mind is working.

The Tintin parody

My friend Angel brought a tintin parody comic from the @tintinades account on twitter and instagram. Here is the original. I thought it could be really fun to adapt it for WenZhou with a little twist at the end. Of course, mastering qinggong, WenZhou probably don't really need the ropes--although I think that ZCL isn't able to safely cross the road yet which is why they wanted to make a way. However, WKX clearly got distracted and went on ahead, hehe.

The distracted BF

This one was suggested by Bichen again--a classic, which worked really well and was actually quite funny when using Hoboxu.

He wants to order

This was the first meme I ever drew for WenZhou, following the "he/she wants to order" pattern. Pretty self-explanatory!

[ariadne-mouse]

For the serious version of this poll, go here.

[spitefulverse]

Unprofessional / Miguel O’Hara

Summary: You notice Miguel treats you better than others, it’s all hints, he can't take it anymore and uses you over your very own desk.

Warnings: Smut, cussing, bad Spanish, size kink, praise, dirty talk, breeding kink kinda, short fic. NOT PROOFREAD 2k words, All spanish phrases are translated, pet names are not, they are pink, they can mean many things, up for interpretation.

There he was, the man, the myth the legend, standing way too confidently in the circle, doing god knows what with that way too advanced tech, one hand resting on his hip as his face contorted in focus, cheeks defined and eyebrows furrowed. His red stare suddenly landing on you, one brow quirking as his lip curved into a small smirk. Fuck, the sense..tingle, thing. Too many different names for it now.

He trudged over to you, not feeling the slightest bit threatened as you tried to scurry away, his pace staying the same, catching up with you anyway. "Y/n" He placed both of his hands on his waist, his usual stance, his crimson gaze sauntering over your frame, making you feel so much smaller than you actually are, but fuck, he was huge. You stopped in you tracks, sighing.

"o'hara" You nodded, trying to not acknowledge how tight his suit was, like who seriously decided spidermen would wear spandex.

"Hm, i need to see you later, could i just come by or are you busy at all? No estás ocupada, ¿verdad, guapa?" (t:You aren't busy, are you pretty?) He considered you high up in his ranks of workers, you had your very own office, a door and everything, you were one of the ones he would occasionally entrust with his tasks while he did important things. Sometimes, you thought there was a chance you were special to him, but you never let that thought get out of hand

"Well, I'm helping someone at one, so you can come before or after" You stated, breathing in and straightening your back, trying to keep composure under his deathly intimidating gaze.

"How about two then?" He asked, crossing his thick arms over his chest, leaning onto one leg and looking over your figure subtly. "could you-" you started.

"Cool, thanks cariño" He cut you off, web slinging back onto the circle and instantly getting back to work, not one for procrastination, you huffed in light annoyance and walked to your office like an ordinary citizen, swearing his eyes were on you again.

At two on the dot, a knock sounded on your door, luckily just as you finished up with the task at hand, you sat up, tidying up your desk a little as you responded "Come in!"

The familiar man stepped in, ducking under the door before shutting it behind him and glancing around as he wandered over to you. Never a minute late, you thought.

"O'hara" You greeted and he nodded, that stern face of his the same as usual, pupils seeming a little larger as he looked at the seat opposite you before looking at you. His eyes flicked between the two before he decided on standing, looking down at you, seeming an even more unfair height difference as you sat, looking up at him with accidental doe eyes.

"So, i needed to get updated reports on earth 616, and a few more, also, i need you to fill in the graphs for the earth 138, i saw a bunch of mistakes when Hobie did it..Es un idiota, no puedo… honestamente no puedo…" (t: He is such an idiot, i cannot- i honestly cannot..) He explained, his tone serious, as usual, his look worse, his eyes boring holes into you, except when he mumbled about Hobie, his focus shifting.

"Couldn't have sent that in an email?" You asked and he rolled his eyes "Unless you need something else" You stood up, gently striding over to your own printer with confidence, brushing your shoulder against his side. A month or tow ago, you begged him for your own printer, sick of sharing, weirdly, he complied. He argued 'it will speed things up, you do most of the work around here anyway, they all just print off spider memes' but again, you hoped you were just special to him.

You bent down lightly to grab the paper that printed, not knowing how crazy you were sending him, he cleared his throat "Like what?"

"Just wanna spend time with your fav coworker" You teased, glancing over your shoulder, smirking playfully, he shook his head and looked away from you, leaning on your desk "Thats funny, Angelito"

"Ah don't lie, Mig'..you enjoy spending time with me" You walked back over, heels clicking gently, you placed the papers on the desk, leaning on it beside him.

"Do I? Yeah?" He Snickered, tone sarcastic, you smiled, knowing deep down, he did. "Ah, you know you wish you could hide out in here" You shrugged and he turned just slightly, tilting his head so he could see you, your gaze facing forward.

"Hm? really?"

"Yeah, i mean no one bothers me, i can do whatever, i could get away with murder, especially with the way you treat me"

"Hows that Princesa?" He squinted, licking his lips, you found yourself growing nervous under his gaze again, facing him. "Don't lie Miguel, You treat me different"

"So what? Say i do give you the special treatment, pretty, what does that mean?" He asks, the nickname making the air feel thick, lifting a large hand to brush under your jaw, his scarlet stare almost burning as he lifted your head with just his forefinger.

"You tell me.." You mumbled, barely above a whisper and he glanced at the door once before mumbling "mierda" and smashing his lips to yours, his soft lips moving perfectly against your own, like the connection that had you had both needed, an exasperated sigh escaped you into the kiss, your hand pressing against his muscular chest, nails digging into his suit slightly as he hummed, his other hand sliding to the curve of your ass.

He squeezed the plush of it before lifting you onto your desk, his other hand keeping you as close as possible until you pulled back, breathless, he looked at you, his ruby orbs scanning over your frame as you looked at him in slight shock. He reached his hand to your shirt and quickly unbuttoned the material, flinging it off your shoulders, his tan, rough hands gently cascading over your shoulders.

He leaned down to gently kiss over your skin, lips brushing over the skin of your shoulder, teeth touching at your bra strap before he sucked at the skin of your collarbone, a whine falling out of you. His scarred hands sliding to your back to undo your bra, it popping off with ease as he carefully removed it from your body like you were artwork. He licked a stripe over the skin he had just abused, blowing cool air onto the mark, making you shiver, whimpering lightly at the feeling. He moved back to admire you "Dios, tan caliente.." He bit down on his bottom lip, looking up to meet your view. Your cheeks felt hot as you looked at him, his hair falling over his face messily, eyes half lidded, lips plumper than usual.

"Wanna take you here, right here princesa" He grinned slightly and you nodded eagerly, leaning to pepper kisses along his jaw as he clicked at his watch. His head tilted back ever so slightly in pleasure, giving you more access to his neck, gently sucking and biting at it, hoping to leave a mark as easy as he did. With a click or two his suit grew loose and he hummed in pleasure, leaning back from your mouth "I'll get carried away, muñeca"

You nodded, smiling shyly, helping him pull down his suit, making sure to brush your fingertips over the skin of his arms, abs and legs, noticing the goosebumps that appeared on his tan skin. Fuck he was toned, like everywhere. He stood in just black boxers and you couldn't help yourself, fingers tracing his abs. He chuckled in amusement "Mm, while that feels good baby, we can't waste time" he took your hands in his, kissing both before placing them at your sides.

You were about to pull down your skirt but he was quick to stop you "Ah!-ah, keep it on, it's barely a skirt anyway" He teased, standing in front of you, veined hands gliding over your thighs, pushing your skirt up and smirking "fuck, cariño, when you bent over, it was so hard not to slam you against the printer right then and there" His words sent a shiver down your spine and you smirked.

"I was hoping it'd have that effect" You kissed his jaw and he tutted, gripping at the plush of your thighs "So unprofessional" His large hand slid between your legs, pushing your thighs apart "Gonna get you ready for me, yeah?" He reassured and you nodded eagerly, biting down on your lip as you felt his thumb rub a gentle circle into your inner thigh before pushing your small panties to the side.

"Fuck" He cursed under his breath, his middle finger sliding down your slit "so fucking wet, perdóname" (t:forgive me). He circled your clit with his thumb, applying pressure to the sensitive nub before pushing his thick finger into you, you gasped quietly at the feeling, eyes fluttering shut. He watched you with deep eyes, finger pushing in an out of you, curling to meet your g spot in heavenly ecstasy, before adding another the second he felt you were ready. "mierda..can't take it baby, bend over" he pulled his fingers out of you, wiping your slick on your thigh.

Instantly, you did as told, bending over your desk, arching your back slightly so you were on show for him, he groaned at the sight and pushed your skirt over the plump of your ass, tugging your panties down to your thighs. You could hear him sorting out his boxers and the anticipation built up more and more with every second, you found yourself wriggling against the desk, squeezing your thighs together. "Such a pretty sight baby, you that desperate huh? want y cock that bad?"

"mhm" You whined, clenching around nothing eyes screwed shut in desperation, he moaned softly at the sight and nodded. "yeah?"

"yes! Miguel, please!" You whined and he snickered, his hand smoothing over your ass, the other helping line his cock up with your hole "Good girl" He commented, pushing his tip into you before grunting "This tight cunt gonna fit me baby?"

"yes..miggy, yes please, promise it will" You mumbled, words barely coherent, grinding against him, he chuckled, pushing into you, the pressure new, never being filled so deep, a high pitched moan left you as his hips met your ass, his hand soothingly rubbing your waist "That's it, good girl, take me so well..tan hermoso" He spoke, sounding kind but choked, as if he himself was struggling to hold back. After a moment, he began to move, his hips snapping back to meet yours with every thrust, filling you each time, one hand slid under you, pressing at your lower stomach with enough pressure to angle you more, his thrusts hitting your g-spot perfectly.

He seriously knew how to please a woman, his other hand rubbed at your clit, his body meeting yours at a quick but powerful pace, squelching noises filling the room as you both grew hot and sweaty, not once had a man ever made you feel so good and no one would ever top this. "santa mierda" He groaned, if you could see him, his eyes are shut, mouth agape, moaning out in pleasure, head back, neck exposed.

"Mig- I'm..I'm close" You panted out, gripping at your desk as your stomach tightened, the feeling so familiar yet new. He nodded "Same, princesa, coño..Cum, cum on my cock baby" He pumped into you a few last times, his finger rubbing roughly at your overstimulated clit, making you gush all over him, moaning out. He groaned in reaction, bucking his hips once or twice as he came into you, filling you with his cum. Both of you were breathless, he pulled out after a minute and finally sat in that chair that was offered a while ago.

You looked to him before collapsing onto his lap, his arm wrapping tightly around your waist, panting and leaning your head into the crook of his neck. "Fuck..Miguel your amazing" You choked out, looking up to kiss him with a sheepish smile.

"I know, you feel fucking amazing baby" He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead "keep that cum in there, s'hot" He mumbled, looking between your eyes and lips, like he couldn't decide. You nodded and he hummed "Your beautiful, mi corazón..I have to get back to work, but come see me when i'm finished hm?" He asked and you nodded, both of you rushing to get ready and clean up, trying to act normal.

As he stepped out the door he turned to you "No me hagas esperar, I'll see you at seven, y/n" He winked, leaving. (T: Don't keep me waiting)

--

Im honestly sorry this was rushed, could this maybe be a two parter? not a clue.

[slamminslamminmcgill]

dropped an ask then had a lightbulb moment so you get to hear it. what do you think about a reader with a Nacho n Lalo sharing situation? Lalo going a bit rough one time [thinking the dacryphilia one!!!!!!!!!], Nacho hearing n coming in n mediating, trying to give the reader comfort by petting their hair or murmuring to them through it, but Lalos busy using them to get off saying “pshhhh it’s fine” n having his way til they’re overstimmed, sobbing into Nachos lap until Lalo finishes, all of them knowing the reader doesn’t get to come even if Lalo goes for round 2 […but maybe Nacho will fix that later ;)]

NACHO GIRLIES I PROMISED I WOULD FEED YOU!!!!!! haven't written him AT ALL since jefe (and he was just There 🧍‍♂️) so this been a long time coming 😌 hehe cumming giggity

this ended up being really long so i put it under a cut. i actually wanted to keep going w/ this so i may add on to it and put it on ao3 later 😳

combining w/ this ask

warning: dacryphilia, degradation, orgasm denial, dubcon

anatomical terms: cunt/dick (reader's), coño/cunt/cock/verga (nacho's), dick/cock (lalo's)

Lalo had invited you and Nacho into his home, welcoming you with open arms. He gave you the grand tour, proclaiming that you both would live like kings in your time with him, and you could see why. His house practically was a heavily guarded castle; only thing missing was a moat. He had introduced you to his staff, his people, and they all were so excited to have you. They seemed like a genuinely nice bunch.

You wondered if they could hear you right now.

They probably could. You weren't exactly quiet, quite the opposite, actually. You were wailing and blubbering as Lalo pounded into your cunt, his coke nails leaving indents in your skin as he gripped the back of your knees.

You were choking back tears, snot, and your orgasm as you begged for lenience. “Lah… *sniff* Lah-loh… Lalo, Lalo, Lalo... Too… *hic* Too much… I can't..."

"Yes you can," Lalo answered for you, "You can take it. You wanna be a good boy for me, right? Then you have to wait for me to tell you. We're not done yet."

You whined and moaned as he continued his onslaught. You were loud. Loudly sobbing and sniffling as he thrusted into you. Loud squelching and skin slapping reverberated around the room. You remembered all those kind people he introduced you to today, and you prayed to God that they were all asleep. You wouldn't be able to bear the humiliation otherwise.

Luckily, they all were. But someone else wasn't.

Nacho couldn't get a wink of sleep. First from anxiety, and then because he heard something. Something that sounded serious. Stupidly, he went to go investigate. He rubbed his eyes, blinded by the light as he cracked open the door to Lalo's room. “Hey, is everything alright? I thought I heard someone cry-" Once he took his hand away from his face, he was then blinded by the traumatizing (to him at least) sight of Lalo Salamanca's bare ass. "Oh my GOD, dude, really?!”

You yelped and buried your face in your hands, embarrassed to be so exposed. Lalo didn’t care. He didn't slow down. He didn’t even turn to look at Nacho. “That’s what happens when you don’t knock, cabrón (asshole)!” He laughed.

“Shit, man, I thought I heard someone crying and…” Nacho got a better look at you and stopped short. Someone was crying. You were crying. What the fuck? What the hell was going on? Was this even consensual? Had Lalo been violating you the whole time you three had worked together? He gulped in fear and tried in vain to question his boss, “Aren’t you going too hard, you think?”

“Nah, he’s fine. He can take it. He likes it rough.” Lalo grunted. He hoisted your legs up onto his shoulders, and used one of his now free hands to reach behind him and beckon Nacho over. “Debes venir aquí y míralo. Verás que lo quiero decir. Él es un putito sucio, no te preocupes. (You should come and watch. You’ll see what I mean. He’s a dirty little slut, don't you worry.)” Lalo stopped moving his hips and pulled your hands away to get your attention. “Look! Say hi to Nachito!" He made you wave at him. "He’s gonna come watch for a bit. You must've been pretty loud to make him worry about you, eh? He just wants to make sure that you’re okay. Can he watch? Just for a little while, nene (baby), I promise.”

Your cheeks were bright red and boiling hot, tears bubbling down that did nothing to quench the flame. You looked over at Nacho, who had a look of genuine concern on his face, and then back up at Lalo, who looked cheery as ever. You sniffled and stuttered your answer, "O-Okay..."

Lalo cackled. "Alright! Now it's a party!" He glanced over his shoulder back at Nacho. "C'mon! Get over here. I won't bite! Well, not you at least. Unless you want me to." He winked and clicked his tongue at him.

Nacho sighed, really regretting his decision to be the hero right about now. Had he just chosen to mind his own business, he could’ve been lying in his room, maybe even asleep and oblivious, getting some decent fucking shut-eye for the first time in his goddamn life. Instead, his big mouth had bought him the brilliant responsibility of babysitting his batshit crazy boss’s bedroom behavior. He could rob the Patrón distillery and it wouldn’t get him enough alcohol to drink this memory away. He approached the bed begrudgingly, arms crossed over his chest. "How do you want me?"

Lalo's hands snuck around your waist and lifted you up, pressing your chest against his own. He spoke to Nacho as if you weren't even there. "Sit behind him. I’ll put him in your lap. And be nice to him, okay? He’s sensitive."

The irony of that statement was not lost on Nacho. He rolled his eyes as he climbed onto the bed, sitting down behind you criss-cross applesauce, y'know, as you do in a completely normal situation like this. Lalo laid you down gently so your head could rest in the other's lap, just like he said. Nacho brushed your hair out of your face, and as your eyes met his, his expression went from frustration to trepidation. At least, that's it looked like upside down. He didn't want to risk making things worse for you, so he mouthed the words: Are you okay? You nodded, and that seemed to relax him a little.

"See? There we go! Everything's fine." Lalo cooed and caressed your cheek. "Are you ready, conejito (bunny)?"

Nacho cringed at the pet name, but you loved it. "Mhm..." you whispered.

Having gotten the green light, Lalo took hold of your thighs, pushed them up to your chest, and got back to work, recklessly pistoning his hips into you like you were nothing more than a hole for him. Like you were a sex doll, a tiny little thing that he could manipulate however he wanted, however would make him feel the best. The new position let him reach even deeper, making you cry even harder. "Ah! Lalo! Lalo! Mmh! F-Fu- *sniff* Fuck... Fuck me! *sniff* Fuck me!"

"I am, sweetheart!" Lalo smiled at you, then Nacho. "See how much he likes this? I told you he's a slut."

As much as he hated to admit it, Nacho was fascinated by this, by you more specifically. There was no doubt in his mind that you were enjoying yourself, but you were crying, practically howling like you wanted it to stop, like you were in agony, but it wasn't agony. It was ecstasy.

For you, at least. For Lalo, it was business as usual. He was definitely enjoying it, but he was eerily calm about the whole thing, barely even breaking a sweat. He could even crack a joke at Nacho's expense. "Si tu coño sea la mitad bueno que esto, tal vez deberé probarlo después, ¿verdad? (If your cunt is half as good as this, maybe I'll have to try it out later, right?)"

Nacho ignored him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of a response. He just gazed down it you, almost in awe. He gently stroked your hair, making you nuzzle into his touch as you sobbed. "Does it feel good?" he asked you.

Your eyes slammed shut as you moaned, "Yes! Yes, god, yes! Ah! So *hic* good! So good! *sniff* God... *sniff* it's... *sniff* so... *sniff* good! Fuck me! Fuck me more!" You weren't sure who you were talking to anymore.

Lalo assumed it was him. "Dios mío, muñequito (My god, doll), you are shameless!" He teased, "Now, just because we have a guest doesn't mean the rules change. You can't cum until I say so." He spanked your ass to punctuate his statement, before attempting to engage Nacho in conversation again, "Está tan necesitado. Siempre me está rogando que le deje a venir. Es una lástima que no tengas una verga, si no dejaría tocarte el turno en él. Es lindo, ¿verdad? (He's so needy. He's always begging me to let him cum. It's a shame that you don't have a cock, otherwise I'd let you take a turn on him. He's cute, right?)"

"S-Sí, él es... (Yeah, he is...)" Nacho responded, his eyes not leaving you as you writhed in his lap. Maybe if he stared at you long enough, his eyes would blur out everything but your face, and Lalo and his dick would fade into obscurity.

But they didn't. Lalo's presence only got more intrusive as he neared his peak. "Mierda, estoy cerca... Tan apretado... (Shit, I'm close... So tight...)" He groaned, "Acá, agarra sus manos. Voy a venir dentro de lo (Here, grab his hands. I'm gonna cum inside of him.)" Nacho did as he asked, taking your wrists in his hands, holding you down so Lalo could have his way with you. Lalo sighed in approval at him, "Good boy," and then at you, "You too. Such good boys, the both of you." He stroked your cheek and wiped your tears with his thumb. "I'm gonna cum inside you, pretty boy. Doesn't that sound nice? Gonna be so... ngh... so nice and full... fuck..." Lalo gave a few more hard thrusts before he buried himself inside you, humming as he filled you to the brim with his cum. You trembled and whimpered underneath him, squirming against Nacho's grasp, your dick painfully hard and untouched, longing for attention.

Lalo pulled his cock out, hissing in delight as he watched his cum spill out of you. "Oh, look at that. Gorgeous." He tapped your cheek again so you could open your eyes. "You stay right here. I'm gonna go get us all something to drink, okay?" Lalo kissed your forehead and climbed off the bed, directing his next line to Nacho, "Don't try anything funny, you hear?" He laughed as he cloaked himself in a silk bathrobe and left the room, heading for the kitchen, leaving the door wide open. What? His house, his rules.

You and Nacho stared at each other awkwardly, your chest rising and falling as you worked on stabilizing your breath. How the fuck do you start a conversation after that? Nacho cleared his throat to make an attempt. "So, uh... he doesn't let you finish?"

You shook your head. "N-No... Not until he says so..."

Nacho frowned. "That's not cool..." He listened intently for a second, sighing when he heard movement downstairs. Lalo was gone. Now was his chance. "Here..." He took your neglected dick between two fingers and started to stroke you.

"...Let me help."

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 113

A five hour episode? Oh yeah, that means it's gonna be a serious one. I'm already nervous ...

What the hell is this? Oh dear gods this is bizarre ... Sam, you are a strange one ... okay, I'm sorry, watching Robbie through this bit is SO WILD ... his expressions are always so priceless ... and suddenly it's all like THIS ... weird shit ... that one was ... just ODD ...

Critmas music? Interesting ...Sam: "SOME of us can sing!" Yeah ...

"Secrets in your boxers?" Please, I never have to hear that line uttered ever again. Like EVER. Please ...

So we're still in the company of Vox Machina? Okay, then ... wonder if this might be their very final adventure together? It worries me, knowing what they're going up against ...

Meanwhile Scanlan has to let his current crew down easy ... wait ... YOU DID WHAT, Scanlan? O.O Samuel Tiegle, DO NOT do that to us ... we know this gnome is a little bit of a wrong-un, but he's never been THAT wrong ...

"Keg"? Oh, so we're introducing a character JUST to send them off? Interesting ... yeah, I figured Grog would probably like Kent ... wow, this bunch are just a bunch of frat boys, ain't they?

Who gave Sam coconut shells? Ye gods ...

Good point ... IS THIS the new Scanlan Shorthalt? Is he staying like this? Would it be easier for him to change back, or is there time for him to change back?

Now we're having a conversation about Scanlan pooping. I love these people so much ... XD

He has ZERO Dexterity? Hmmmm ... maybe we should rethink this after all ...

Grog can make him some horse boots? Oh, that sounds like fun ...

Yes. Time to go. Going through a tree, then. Back to Vasselheim. This is getting to be a second home for them now, isn't it?

Checking in for the night, then. Okay ...

Catching up, then? Oh, Keyleth and Percy ... I mean, yeah, these two have been together the longest, haven't they? The best of besties, I've missed this ... but yeah, also ... very heartfelt, of course ... they do need this ...

I love how Percy calls Keyleth "an investment in their children's future" ... that could sound a bit weird coming from anybody else. With these two it's just CUTE ... :3

Trinket? Oh, okay ... WHICH one is this? Is it the original? Oh my gods IT IS ... O.O ... poor ancient bear ...

Ah ... yes ... the Vax situation ...

Only Vex could wish ill on the Matron and actually GET AWAY with it ... XD

Awwwww ... sweet old bear cuddle-buddy ... I imagine he's quite stinky, but it's still sweet ...

Oh my gods ... is Scanlan trying for a booty call? With GROG asleep in the room? This could be interesting ... oh, okay ... wow, yeah, she's just LETTING HIM HAVE IT, isn't she? Don't go easy on him, Pike! He doesn't deserve it!

Meat Man Imports & Sexports ... snort ... LOL

He's being relegated to AN EXTRA BED?!!! Oh my ...

Grog pretending to sleep fools NOBODY. I love it.

Boy, that is an AWKWARD sleeping arrangement for a centaur, clearly ...

Wow, Cerkonos is kind of a secret Scanlan superfan, that's hilarious. "the Scanman"? Oh my fucking gods ... LOL

Early morning arrives ... okay ...

Travis just rolled a lethal death roll for Chetney! O.O But he's GROG right now ... does it count? Somewhere on Ruidus Chetney just felt a chill run down his spine like somebody walked over his grave, I swear ...

The various preparations of the arrayed forces, getting ready for the day ahead ... hmmmmmmmm ...

Nice, so the Pale Guard are basically like Sharp's Rifles? That's pretty cool, I can't deny ...

A summons for Kiki? Okay, then ...

Massive brass-scaled dragon? Oh yeah, awesome ...

The Stratos Throne? Really? That's a big deal ... O.O ... AND Aeshanandoor? Don't those guys HATE each other right now? Interesting they're playing nice for the effort ...

Oh yeah, EVERYBODY'S here right now ... it's a big deal all right ...

Lieve'tel? Oh ... OH, a guest? OH OKAY!!! LIam's back! So THIS is who he's playing ...

Nice ... so we got a real badass super-goth elven dominatrix type helping them out in this one, then? Nice ... yeah, this is a great one for Liam to play, definitely ...

So she already knows Bertrand's gone? Yeah, okay ...

Yeah, so please be aware I haven't had a chance to get round to The Search For Grog or The Search For Bob yet, so I'm NOT familiar with this particular character ... but she seems REALLY COOL ...

Wow ... yeah, she's just REALLY INTENSE, isn't she? Like I said, I'm really liking her already ...

Judicators? Oh, okay then ... nice to have them on OUR SIDE for once ...

Ophera? Cool ... yeah, she's really cool too ... and THIS is a very neat trick, too ... yeah, she's definitely a whole lot better at big entrances than Keyleth ...

Celestials? SERIOUSLY?!!! Holy fuck! O.O Oh yeah, this is just ALL the big guns right now!

Oh okay ... Keyleth's turn to make a fancy speech? Hmmmm ... PLEASE roll good for this delivery, Marisha ... Matthew, you are NOT doing anything for our girl's confidence right now ... oh yes, nice going, Vex ... that's JUST what she needs right now ...

Yeah ... okay, that's a strong start already ... yes. YES. Nice. That's it. Be a woman for the people. And ... "FUCK SHIT UP!!!" Oh boy ... XD ... yeah, that's more like it ... THAT'S our girl. :3

A single raven? Oh my gods ...

Inspirational Leader? Nice ... oh yeah, that is REALLY nice! Way to go, Kiki!

Nice to have a broomstick handy for running speedy errands ...

And now it's a massive SILVER dragon ... okay ... O.O

Allura! Yay! Always nice to see her! :3

Oh, so they're going in via skyship? Cool. I wonder which one THEY'RE gonna ride in on? What are the chances, hmmm? Or might that be a little TOO on the nose?

Well yeah, I mean Grog would've been FINE with just jumping headfirst into a crazy suicide attack like that, but ...

Yeah, probably best to leave Trinket behind for this one ...

Speak With Animals! Yay! Awwwwww ... and OF COURSE he still wants to go with her ... he's so sweet ... and yeah, he's still tough, of course he is ... all right, let the ancient bear come ...

Thank fuck Sam isn't ACTUALLY drinking out of that horrific looking thing, that is UNSIGHTLY!!! Travis: "It's like melted plastic mixed with decay!" Sweet fuck that is NIGHTMARE FUEL ... Sam: "I mean it's been cleaned, like, A LOT, but it hasn't worked!"

"Battlestar season 3"? Okay ... yeah, so they're all just going STRAIGHT INTO that shit, then ... so a retroactive Heroes' Feast is probably a good idea, then ... yeah ...

Wow ... yeah ... D&D maths ... always fun ...

Oh ... so Cerkonos LIKES Lieve'tel? Okay, then ... so no matter what, Robbie's just DETERMINED to romance Liam's characters, clearly ... XD

Fucking hell ... Grog has around THREE HUNDRED HIT POINTS right now? O.O Sweet fuck ...

Archivist Seth Domade? Okay, then ... yeah, this just got interesting ... I mean OF COURSE he's curious about what's happening with the Nein AND the Hells ... oh yeah, our boy is FLUSTERED right now ... Essek, be cool right now, boy ...

Holy shit ... HOW LONG did it take them to realise that this is Essek in disguise? DEAR FUCKING GODS, people! LOL You do know you spent TWO WHOLE SESSIONS traveling with this guy ...

Verin Thelyss? Oh, interesting ... are they related? THEY ARE?!!! So this is Essek's BROTHER? Intriguing ...

Oh, so he's a little bit of a geek? I like that. That's quite adorable. And I think he might be a little sweet on Vex ...

Ah, poetry... yeah ... LOL

Allura informs us the Nein and the Hells are now IN POSITION on Ruidus ... okay, then ... time to make a move, then ...

Matt: "The symbol of war has been triggered." Oh my ...

Fuck ... PLEASE let Percy and Vex get back alive to their kids.

The hoof boots? And somehow Travis rolls a 24 on his performance for their construction ... holy shit ... apparently they're completely PERFECT ... O.O

More Percy and Keyleth cuteness ... :3

Power Word Fortify ... and Death Ward? Lieve'tel bestows MASSIVE magical gifts upon Kiki and Vex ... and then she just goes RIGHT AHEAD and makes the first move on Cerkonos. Awwwwwww ... and he HAS to make it awkward. But she likes it ... XD

I fucking knew it ... OF COURSE they're riding with Xandis. LOL ... I love this ridiculous tiefling so much, I swear ...

So ... a fuckton of arcane portals, then ... this is it ...

"Majestic as fuck" ... Grog's awesome cape ... in his own words, of course ... XD

Awwwwwww ... Bertrand, we miss you still, you fantastic old bugger ...

So ... through into clustered shadow ... all right, what have you got in store for us, Matthew? O.O

Oh okay, that's a dramatic mess we're flying into ... and that's it, the first shots come in ... yup, that's it, it's all kicking off ...

Strength saves all round? Okay, first real rolls of the night! Roll good, guys! 33? Holy fuck, Grog ... he's stupid strong even now ...

Three crooked winged creatures coming out of the sky? Oh boy ... FUCK Vex is still a thoroughly EVIL shot ... Hunter's Mark that shit, girl! Yeah!

So Scanlan and Grog are the most prominent targets? SHIT ... I mean OF COURSE Grog succeeds his strength check, but Scanlan is now being CARRIED OFF by one of these things! Shit! O.O

Percy: "Drop the horse!" And yeah, No Mercy's still just as lethal a shot as the Missus ... BOOM!!! And the centaur is free once more ...

Path To the Grave? Fuck, Lieve'tel is a bit SCARY in combat ...

Kiki tries a Whirlwind attack on them ... yup, that proves impressively effective ... fuck, that thing just got PUMMELLED ... right into Grog's reach ... he swings his Bloodaxe TWICE ... and just SHREDS the beastie ...Oh yeah, that's TOTALLY the HDYWTDT ... fucking hell, he just EVISCERATES this thing ...

Oh yeah! Silver Dragon for the WIN!!! Nice one ...

Keyleth tries to take a look over the side and just gets BLINDED by flying dust ... yup, that's a bout right ...

Ah, so ... still a way to go, yet ...

Shit! DODGE!!! QUICK!!!

Well that was close ... and sounds like it could've been SERIOUSLY HAIRY if it had hit ... and then we see it hit another ship ... and it just NEUTRALISED the brumestone? FUCK!!! That's SO FUCKING BAD!!! Yeah, don't let ANY of THAT shit hit you, guys!

Air Ashari FLY!!! Oh, and Cerkonos can do that too? Oh, he can do ALL the elelments like Kiki? Sweet! So he's going too, then ... go help! Quick! Save who you can!

Yes! Save Verin Thelyss! Quick!

Oh nice! That's some SEXY FLYING there, Vex!

Okay, looks like this might be working ... and SOMEHOW they BARELY miss taking another hit ... get them off as fast as you can, guys!

Inspire THEM, not HIM! Pronouns, Scanlan! And somehow Sam makes a really embarrassing (and very classic Shorthalt piece of work) strangely inspiring for Xandis ...

Yeah, that's some pretty sweet flying, you spectacular tiefling!

Wow ... that was just a BEAUTIFUL save ... yeah, they got 'em off safe, just in time ... meanwhile the faling ship goes down SPECTACULARLY ...

Time to get ready to JUMP? All right, then ... GO!!!

Blessing of the Dawnfather? Oh, that's pretty sexy too ... I didn't even know Vex had that one in her! O.O

Thank fuck for Featherfall ...

Grog and Pike are getting SHOT AT?!!! Fuck ... O.O ... Word of Radiance? Yeah, that's a nice save, Lieve'tel! JUST too late, but still ... so Pike manages to dodge, but Grog takes a full-on HIT ... crap ... but he's Raging, so it's not TOO BAD ... but that's STILL a whole lot of Force damage even so ... and that's one ROUGH FUCKING LANDING ...

Oh, so it's already ALL GOING OFF in this place? Okay then ...

Cerkonos shows he's as much of a badass as the others as he comes down ... and yeah, that poor bastard is impaled and INCINERATED ... meanwhile our boy achieves a perfect superhero landing ...

Wait ... so the gunner is LITERALLY PONDERING THEIR ORB?!!! XD

No Mercy Percy strikes again!

Touchdown, then! They're on the ground and taking in what's going on now ... oh yeah, this is just pure fucking CHAOS right now ... the batle is just full-on KICKING OFF ... and THIS is where Matt chooses to call a break ...

Holy shit ... that is a MASSIVE Battlemap this time round ... yeah, the appreciative gasps and roars as they wander mback in to take it in are duly ENTHUSIASTIC, and rightly so ...

Setting up where everybody is ... and it's all just pure CHAOS right now, clearly ...

Oh, so now Keyleth's a FIRE elemental? Matt scrambles to acquire ANOTHER figure to represent her ...

So it's time, then. ROLL INITIATIVE!!!

Vex kicks it all off, then ... she casts a 4th Level Hail of Thorns, with her Blazing Bowstring and Sharpshooter ... wow ... that's a monster combination if ever I heard one ... so she goes for a Reiloran Juggernaut! Nice ... fuck, that's a lot of damage, plus it definitely rings his bell for him ... meanwhile all the regular guys surrounding him are just ANNIHILATED ... ouch ... so she takes ANOTHER shot ... oh yeah, she is SUPREMELY fucking this guy up ...

Scanlan clops up on his coconuts and Inspires Cerkonos ... with a bit of Chappell Roan? Nice ... :3 ... Reverse Gravity? Oh, that's DEVIOUS ... Out of the whole group only ONE manages to make a save so now there's a whole bunch of guys just FLOATING UP INTO THE SKY!!! Holy shit ...

Wow, those Kryn fighters are just BADASS, they're cutting folk TFU ...

Percy steps over the wall and encounters his first Reiloran ... oh, that's nice, so his walking stick turned into a brutal little MURDER BATON ... he shakes off the attempt to fry his brains with psychic energy and slashes them up ... it's hurt, but it's TOUGH, looks like this one's going to take some work ... oh, but his sword has A GUN IN IT ... Matt: "Go go gadget Pepperbox!" POW!!! Now the Reiloran is BURNING!!!

Grog charges up to the guy who's trying to hang on ... and manages to get HIMSELF caught in the spell? Shit! Somehow he manages to catch hold of himself, at least ... and takes a few big hacks at the other guy ... Great Weapon Master? Oh boy, here we go ... oh yeah, Grog kills the guy ON THE SPOT and then he just pinwheels up into the air spraying his insides all over as he goes! Ye gods! O.O

Keyleth jumps from one platform to the next, starts laying about with her fists, the burning Reiloran instantly incinerating under her pummelling onslaught! Oof ... then she runs off in the direction they need to go, setting another attacker on fire as they try to strike at her while she goes.

Lieve'tel summons a Planar Ally, specifically a massive white three-headed raven (literally Holy fuck!), then Tolls the Dead, aiming for the Juggernaut ... and that's a wrap on the big guy! HIs head essentially EXPLODES inside his helmet ... fucking hell ... so she just goes riding off on her big birdy, going to hover over Keyleth.

Oh great ... Scanlan is now being SWARMED by Slithers ... O.O ... oh yeah, they're just GNAWING on him right now! Fuck ... thankfully only TWO of them do any actual damage, but still ...

Crap ... what's this? Oh, I get it, that mut be one of those hive-mind psychic mothers ...

Meanwhile those poor bastards spinning in the air just CONTINUE to spin in the air ... XD ... crap ... now Keyleth is as well, unfortunately ...

Pike chucks a 5th Level Guiding Bolt at the Ball ... okay, this is it, then ... 22 points of damage? Hmmmm ... it CRACKS, but it's still definitely very INTACT ... nuts ...

Cerkonos screams: "Scanman! NOOOOOOO!!!" leaps into the air and casts Wall of Fire around Scanlan, torching the Slithers attacking him. Three of them are reduced to cinders, and the rest are at least SEVERELY charred ... then he just BAMFS next to Pike ...

Vex takes a shot at the Ball, using Sharpshooter ... NAT20!!! Yes! Crit that bitch! Oh, that's a whole lot more cracks in it now ... but she's just got herself directly MARKED by whatever that force is overlooking it ... but her SECOND shot SHATTERS the Ball on the spot! YESSSSSSS!!!

Scanlan casts Thunderwave as 2nd Level, trying to bash some of the Slithers off ... he turns two of them into jelly on the spot! Meanwhile he drops his spell ... and everybody up in the air too! Grog manages to avoid getting crushed, while all but two of them just go SPLAT when they hit the ground around him. Meanwhile Scanlan disengages, trying to use Cutting Words to get rid of the remaining Slither still grappling him ... and breaks free! Phew ...

Fucking hell ... what fresh hell is THIS?!!! O.O ... a battle vidulch? Oh my gods that is fucking TERRIFYING!!! Oh shit, TWO OF 'EM?!!! Shit! They start laying about and IMMEDIATELY start doing major damage to friends and foes alike ...

Shit ... in a single turn, the attacking vidulch manages to COMPLETELY DESTROY Keyleth's Fire Elemental form ... O.O

Percy opens fire with Animus on some of the Vanguard, only for his gun to blow up in his hands! Ouch ... repairing iton the spot, he starts firing again, wiping out one in the process.

Grog uses his Boots (not BOOBS) of Feral Leaping to mount the nearst vidulch, then starts swinging blows into it with his axe ... oh yeah, he's just CHOPPING CHUNKS out of this thing! It's trying to shake him off but he's definitely cutting his way into it already.

Oh no, bad ideas are never REALLY bad ideas ... Keyleth attempts to Dominate the vidulch in front of her? Holy fuck ... O.O ... that's the question, IS IT a beast or is it a MONSTER? She can't tell ... so she tries a Firestorm instead! Oh boy ... whoa, SEVEN D10 of Fire damage? Holy shit ... 48 Fire damage? Wow ... it hurts the vidulch, as well as incinerating a bunch of Reilora and Vanguard. Unfortunately she also takes out three Kryn soldiers with friendly fire ... oof ... then she transforms into an Earth Elemental and burrows down under the ground, coming up on the other side of the vidulch.

DEVILS? Seriously? Is this good or bad? Wait ... who's this ... holy fuck is that OPAL?!!! Fucking hell, my girl you're terrifying but also pretty awesome right now! She doesn't do any real damage, but she's still laying into the vidulch with some serious SAVAGERY!!!

Lieve'tel holds onto a Bless, waiting for her opportunity, aiming for Opal, Keyleth and herself.

Okay, now Grog is having a scrap with the Juggenaut on the back of the vidulch ... unbelievable! Oh hell, this big boy is definitely laying into him HARD right now ... and it has a Telekinetic Combo? Shit ... Grog hangs on, but it definitely batters him about ... so he just starts giving right back just as hard as he's taken ...

Pike chucks a Guiding Bolt at the vidulch at 4th Level, blasting it hard with a good chunk of Radiant damage. Staying put, she's immediately swarmed by a bunch of nasties, but she just batters them all off ...

Cerkonos, impressed by Scanlan's actions, turns himself into a Fire Elemental and funnels himself INTO THE ARMOUR of the nearer vidulch, setting it on fire FROM THE INSIDE!!! Holy shit!

Vex coasts over and starts peppering Pike's attacker with her arrows, wiping him out on the spot. Then she turns round and starts taking potshots at the vidulch, taking some of its legs out from under it.

Scanlan rushes up to the aid of the nearest angel, talling them: "I'm here to help!" before VOMITING Lightning at the nearer vidulch! O.O

Brass wings? Oh sweet! Here they come! Beautiful! Devossa strafes the devil and the vidulch with their fire, but since they're both immune to fire it does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ... hmmmmm ... somewhat inticlimactic ...

Grog takes a big swing at the Juggernaut and just ANNIHILATES the fucker on the spot! Then he leaps off and goes for the Reiloran instead, using Great Weapon Master ... oh yeah, here we go ... yeah, he just SPLITS THE GUY IN HALF!!! He yanks out the spine from the bisected corpse as he walks away ...

Oh, okay ... yeah, due to retrospective thinking, Grog also manages to finish off the vidulch just before he jumps off ... okay, yeah, there we go, then! Meanwhile Scanlan congratulates CERKONOS for doing it? Hmmmm ...

Keyleth Calls Lightning at 4th Level, landing it right into the remaining vidulch ... oooh, dice math ... 27 points of Lightning damage ... yeah, it's looking pretty messy now ...

Okay, looks like everybody's just trying to kill this thing all together ... meanwhile more Vanguard are arriving! Shit ...

Oh, so Pike just got rescued by a demon? That must be weird for her ... especially when it growls: "Go, small god!" at her ...

Yeah, Opal just becomes TERRIFYING as she jumps on the vidulch, webs it up and then CARVES IT TO PIECES ... O.O ... holy shit ...

Time to book, then? Okay ... they all bundle together and rush into the centre of the fortress, heading for the Malleus Key ... and that's it for the night! Yeah, that's a good place to stop. I was getting pretty exhaunsted, that was a HEAVY SESSION ... but also a very satisfying one ...

[bucketspammer4life]

☆ the boxers at a escape room ☆

did this because i felt bad about not posting, will post a weekly update during the weekend + some art hopefully, ive had this on my shoulders for a while, this is so cringe fail

Build-Up

Okay so i made up lore for this escape room:

It's an abandoned hotel, decorated all fancy, theres old couches, fake rotary phones and a bunch of weird symbols used later in the puzzles.

It's really colorful but the theres barely any lightning because the vibes need to be settled, theres a lot of puzzles, including: puns, math and the weird symbols mentioned

The lore starts as a hotel shutting down after a serial killer takes over & goes on a massacre, theres a time limit of 2 hours, when the time is over the game is done & a dude with a really bad voice effect says "the killer has got you" Before the doors open

When theres only a few minutes left, a buzzing sound effect plays

Theres a lot of "fake" spiderwebs with cryptid texts too so enjoy that

Glass Joe

- struggling with the puzzles, his brain is melting

- "we have to turn on the TV for clues i think"

- "or a baking show"

- "either way im watching"

- hes not taking this seriously, at all

- keeps using a prop phone like its real & talking on it, ended up getting into a argument with the air

- laying down on the decorative couches "draw me like one of your french girls.." style when hes tired

- "we're gonna die, is the killer hot at least?"

Von Kaiser

- complete opposite with Joe, hes taking this seriously, too serious

- "I WILL NOT LET THEY EVIL HOTEL MAN KILL US ALL. NO!"

- acting like the evil hotel man will actually get him

- doing really good with the math puzzles, hes a natural

- dialing 911 on the fake rotary phone

- runmaging through everything, no chair left un-thrown, no couch left un-turned, no drawer left closed

- when the 10 minutes notice ringed in he screamed like a goat

Disco Kid

- Just bored, he got dragged along and doesnt feel like doing anything

- "does the TV have anything interesting on it"

- "Disco we are being chased by a evil serial killer i dont think you should be so calm"

- escape rooms dont have enough charm for him like haunted houses

- doing cartwheels across the room, accidentally knocked over a bookshelf and revealed a clue

- hes already done with this shit, let him out

King Hippo

- doesnt have any idea whats going on, hes just confused

- doesnt know whether to help kaiser or laugh with Joe

- thinks the argument between Joe and the air is real

- hes so lost

- "mom i frew up" pose while watching everyone do the puzzles

Piston Hondo

- calmly trying to do the puzzles

- trying to help kaiser calm down

- laughed at disco toppling over the bookshelf for a solid 20 minutes

- hes SLAYİNG the puzzles

- "Joe did you take your meds?? You're arguing with the air"

- "wait i got too caught up"

- He isnt taking this seriously but isnt fucking around like Joe either, hes doing his best to have fun, not too much fun

Great Tiger

- also messing around with Joe, both of them are hysterically laughing at everything knowing damn well they dont know whats going on + cant solve a puzzle to save their lives

- "whens the baking show coming on??"

- reading the books on the bookshelf disco kid rko'd

- He could be helpful but he refuses to because seeing everyone go batshit is hilarious

- keeps tripping over the carpets

Bear Hugger

- him & hondo are peacefully doing puzzles while everyone else is going apeshit, hes having fun

- re-organized the bookshelf disco kid slammed down on, he knows damn well they dont get paid enough for this bs

- cheering Joe on his fight with the atoms

- cleaning up behind everyone because hes a decent person

Don Flamenco

- very confused, he thinks theyre all stuck in a silly room for nothing, cannot do puzzles & cannot be silly at all

- Just wandering around & looking for clues

- hes concerned, not only for the boxers but the employees

- thinks the decorations look great, taking notes for his room

Aran Ryan

- doing his evil gremlin thing, chucking stuff, sneaking around, rolling on the floor, hes simply thriving

- scaring people for fun

- hysterically laughing at everything because the lightning is shitty & that makes everything funnier for him

- saying the dumbest shit

- got inspired by disco kid wrecking the bookshelf and decided to throw a couch across the room

- laughing at the wall

Soda Popinski

- Really confused along with King hippo

- hes just following everyone around like a sick puppy

- sad that he cant bring his soda but understands because he has spilled soda multiple times on his stuff and suffered the consequences

- awkward shrugging anytime someone asks him whats going on

Bald Bull

- also hysterically laughing with aran, bad lightning with cheap horror music fits too well for him

- him & aran are cackling at kaiser knowing damn well they both need therapy

- Just having fun

- He doesnt give a shit about anything right now, this is one of the only times he can maniacally laugh at thin air and not get stared at

- was the one to convince disco kid to do a cartwheel

Super Macho Man

- pretending to understand whats going on, Just as confused as soda

- Really bored

- not much to say, hes just.. neutral

Mr Sandman

- Really calm & carrying the entire team

- concerned for aran & bull since he was the only one to notice them maniacally cackle at thin air

- suprisingly not ready to punch someone out into orbit

- extremely worried for disco's bones because no one throws a entire bookshelf onto themselves and walks away fine

- brought a camera to get some real gems

- keeps coughing like hes on life support because of the ridiculous amount of dust

Extra

They made it out suprisingly thanks to hondo & sandman (barely)

Don realized he has some problems with his lungs after that trip because holy shit he was fighting for his life

Sandman convinced aran & bull to go to therapist (somehow)

Joe enjoyed taking out his anger out on a cheap fake rotary phone

Disco needed to go to the hospital after the bookshelf incident, no one is letting the fact that he broke his back thanks to a bookshelf go

Piston Hondo & bear hugger do sudoku together now since they realized they both enjoy math puzzles

Great Tiger still laughs about the bookshelf incident at night when trying to sleep

[mamawasatesttube]

“When you laugh like that, it just — you’re so beautiful, you know that?” for the ficlet prompt pls !! love your writing so so much ❤️

Tim is a very serious guy, busy doing very serious work.

"—still don't know why anyone would write this! Actually, who the fuck paid them to write this?! Is this the state of journalism in today's world?" Bart flails a hand at his laptop screen, laughing so hard he's turning red. "Someone—someone got paid to write—to write this?! This is a self-help article?!"

"I just don't—why would you—" Kon stares at the screen, too, fingers steepled and pressed to his lips in deep consternation. "I can't even finish my dramatic reading! Why would—why would—who even wants to phone a friend in the middle of doing an enema?"

Tim is a very serious guy, busy doing very serious work, by which he means playing Minesweeper while listening to his very un-serious friends read a how-to guide on, for some reason, coffee enemas. It happens. He really did mean to get work done, but sitting in the common room was a mistake; he's just been listening and swallowing laughter for the past ten minutes.

"I can promise you this. If any of you ever phone me with anything up your ass, we are not friends anymore," Cassie says, sounding disturbed.

That does it. Tim's finger slips and clicks a bomb instead of a safe tile as he wheezes with sudden, explosive laughter.

All three of them whip around to look at him; Bart is the first to crack into giggles, too, then Kon smothers a chuckle into his hands, and finally Cassie slumps back onto the cushions behind her, cackling. Tim really, truly does try to get ahold of himself, but it's a losing battle at this point.

"Where did you even find this article, Bart?" he manages, grinning breathlessly. "Send me the link." It sounds like a great way to harass Dick, and Tim needs to do that yesterday.

"Why?" Bart shoots back immediately. "Feeling inspired?"

"You better not call me when you try it out," Cassie wheezes.

Kon, meanwhile...

Oh. Wait. What's up with Kon? He's still grinning, but it's a softer look than before; his eyes sparkle with warmth as he looks at Tim, perching in the bay window. That's a very, ah... fond? Yes, fond. A very fond look for someone whose companions are currently losing their shit about a self-help article about coffee enemas.

Tim meets his gaze and quirks an eyebrow. Kon blinks at him, seeming surprised; did he think Tim wouldn't notice him gazing over like that?

"Sorry, sorry," Kon says, though he certainly doesn't sound particularly sorry. “When you laugh like that, it just—man, you’re so beautiful, you know that?”

Tim's face immediately flames. That's rich, coming from the most beautiful guy in not just the room, but the entire city. Country. World? Yeah, world. "Uh."

"Oh my god, shut the fuck up, you're so sappy!" Bart groans, smacking Kon on the shoulder. Kon, because he's Kon, just preens at his complaints. "Stop being a cheese before I kick your ass!"

"Be careful that it doesn't have coffee in it!" Cassie snickers into her hands.

Normally, Tim would join in on the ribbing. Right now, though, he's still a little stuck on Kon just casually calling him beautiful for laughing. What the fuck. They've been officially dating for two weeks! He can't just spring that kind of thing on Tim! And the worst (best) part is, because he's Kon, Tim knows he's being completely genuine about it!

Why did this have to happen during this, of all conversations?

"Now, Bart," Kon says, and aggressively ruffles Bart's hair. "You know Tim is the only one here with the rights to touch my ass, kicking or not."

Bart blows an obnoxiously loud raspberry. Tim drops his face into his hands.

Yeah, he's a serious guy, alright. Real serious about... starting a new game of Minesweeper and listening to his friends continue to be a bunch of comedians.

♥ soft sentence starters ♥

[ruddykite]

Rabies pride as a concept is so fucking fun to me. It's so incredibly un-serious while still being able to resonate in a meaningful way to me and so many other ppl in my community and I-

There is so much value in genuine enthusiasm no matter how silly the concept may be.

For those not in the know, rabies pride was coined by a group of trans + neurodviergent ppl to reclaim these ideas of being too loud / too much and being treated like you're contagious and icky and unsettling. It was used by a bunch of joke blogs on here like the infamous rabidloving account and other rabiosexuals and I honestly just think that the absurdity around the whole concept is what makes me love it so much. It seems so strange and foreign to NT / cis ppl and I think that that is excellent.

[rpedia]

Hello, I have a question about combat roleplaying. Is there anyway to counter someone trying to wipe your character from existence? I have a character whos high 1-A, just wondering.

I cannot tell you how wild of an ask this is because of how much of it must be entirely contextual to your current situation. A-1 means nothing to me, this isn't a universal term in RP, but after some looking around it seems to be a categorization used in the vsBattle fandom to allow people to rank character power stats against each other like classes of heavyweight versus lightweight. And it seems to have been very thought out by a bunch of people who are very very serious about it, so it's a well-thought out thing. So, I'm assuming if this is the right power ranking to go off, your character is an "High Outerverse level" character similar to God/Death in some series.

Whew, back in my day we just had Marvel Mutants being Omega class, or Naruto Ninjas being S-Rank... Looks like you're in somewhere with a lot more math and intensity than I'm used to considering I just had to read "structures with a number of dimensions equal to the cardinal aleph-2" with my own two delicate innocent baby boy eyes. This means whatever advice I am about to give you is unlikely to be useful, but fuck it, I'm game.

So, you're getting wiped out of existence...

Your character is, as far as I can tell, able to manipulate all of existence, including every multiverse, hyperverse, and whatever-the-fuck-have-you because they can fuck with but infinity times infinity, except they're a step below the ultimate Boundless, and one step above the guy who can mess with infinity times three. Really getting back to the playground "infinity plus one" argument. You must be going up against someone who is going a little faster than you or doing better than you to have them cockblock your entire existence. I think I have the scenario broken down for more feeble minds like me can figure out what the hell this means.

Logically, the answer is you can't do shit. Guy is faster/better/more tactically sound, so he wins. He's managed to outdo you on every level, and made your existence just stop, you can no longer be who you are, you're a never-was similar to Cul from the Thor comics. Absolutely buckshit wild stuff here. This suggests to survive, someone has to remember you, which may be a way through if there's space where you still exist while you don't exist. How does time work in your universe? What's the standards here for how to change existence? Is there a ripple effect, or is it impossible to change the timeline? Are you forced into an alternate universe where you DID exist, and how is the other guy handling the obvious issue that if you never existed, he would never have gone back to erase you, and shit— we've got either a figure eight loop forcing us to repeat these two states of 0 and 1 endlessly, or a paradox.

So go for the throat, make them explain the paradox. Make them fix the paradox, which can paradoxically never be fixed because that's what them boyes do. You might have to live one step ahead of them in only alternating universes for the rest of existence and be satisfied with that. Or, I suppose, find someone bigger and stronger than old Jokey-poo here who is putting you in the un-birth grave, and have them de-powered or something to end the rigamarole. Maybe you have a good trap for them set-up where the state of your birth is a fixed point, and them entering it makes time stop entirely so they can never reach the point at which they actually delete you.

But this is all just Watsonian fuckery, stuff from within the perspective of the story. If you go Doyalist, we can ask the question "What kills a vampire?" and come up with the answer "Whatever satisfies the narrative." because those blood thirsty bitches be fictional. This is all fictional. You are imagining a story. The only truth of a story is the satisfaction of those who write/read it.

Therefore, if you are happy with the end of your character, and you feel like it's been given weight and meaning, and you like the outcome. You win, you finished the story, they are gone.

If you are unhappy, you can make up whatever bullshit you want because it's all in your head anyways, and suddenly your character survived going over the falls due to some vague handwaved plot point far in the misty difference that is really an in-universe cover to 'they made me write Sherlock after the Reichenbach Falls was supposed to be the end of the damn serial'. It all comes down to what you're happy with as a player and a writer.

You think any Shonen writer had the good sense to end their series after the bad guy seemed all-powerful? Absolutely not, these other guys had trickery and even more power beyond the power that is infinite power to call on, and they sure did win because they said so. Same thing here. As long as no one is upset, you can do whatever you want. "Blue fairy said I could come back." "Some Boundless Character found me beyond the universes and pulled me back into this world." Seriously, make shit up, it's all you've been doing anyways.

I recognize at this point it's more of a thought experiment, kind of a highbrow push against the mundane realities of our existence. It's where philosophy meets story. Making something that really sticks to the bones of your story, and gives you something to work off can be a huge ask when it gets to these extremes. You're working with a framework outside our actual existence, a thing we can comprehend only because we've pushed so hard against the limitations of this world we've given concepts like infinity not only a limit, but a word for when that limit is breached and repeated.

Being able to truly understand what you're asking, and whether there's any rules to it is more than a simple roleplay help blog can give you. You're bending rules that aren't even confirmed to exist, that have been developed to create a framework by which people can enjoy fighting tiers to simplify things that are wildly imaginative and unusual. Certainly you are at the moment asking me if I can conceive of a situation in which literally Death themself, if they were a character, could be erased from existence by something just as powerful or even more powerful than themselves, and then get around that somehow. It's mythical. It's entirely a toy that you, yourself, are defining the rules for play with. I can simply say "this Roleplaying Blog is actually a Boundless level character and has rebuffed that attack" and it would be equally true because the canon of this blog now says so.

So you can do whatever works for you.

Just make sure it's satisfying, so you can do it again next week and relish it all over. The point of RP is to be fun. Keep having fun. You do you, in whatever style makes you happy. Even if it's a lot of math and now I know there's a term for approaching the infinity after Real numbers run out of integers because someone made their character so powerful they ran out of numbers for them and somehow this is the same power level as Those Who Sit Above In Shadow, which means Loki's punked their ass plenty of times in-comics by saying he's the Storyteller who tells them into existence anyways. God damn Beyonder ass...

But you're the Storyteller now, so write something true to your heart, and see how far you can take it. See if your character can manage to break reality one more time, and level up to becoming Boundless themselves. You have the power, because that power is imagination. The true Boundless power.

[kuwdora]

Top 5 Most Underrated SF shows/movies you think everyone should watch and why

Top five most underrated SF shows/movies you think everyone should watch, and why :) --from destina

Okay a million years ago (more like 2 and a half months) destina asked me about my top 5 most underrated SF shows/movies I think everyone should watch. I have three shows and two films that I’ve really enjoyed over the last few years and I'll try to break down why I'm loving them.

This gets kind of long so I'll put it under a cut. The shows/films include: Moonhaven (AMC), Avenue 5 (HBO), Humans (AMC/BBC), Life (2017) and Prospect (2018).

Moonhaven is a new AMC show (1 season, 6 episodes) that is rather high concept on the sociological side of the scifi spectrum. They’ve built a utopia on the moon, guided by an AI that has spent a century learning from the human colony there in order to learn how to build better technology and solve the environmental/social ills on earth. This colony of humans have been cut off from the Earth and they’re about to send their first batch of humans and tech back to the planet when there’s a Murder that happens.

The main character is Bella Sway who is a cargo pilot/smuggler and who is also a war vet of sorts who gets accused of committing a crime while she’s on the moon and there’s a lot of mystery/intrigue to unravel.

Now this is very very serious and interesting set-up but what the trailers for this show did not highlight is how strange and wacky the character dynamics are. Because you’ve had a socially isolated human colony (Mooners) now interacting with a bunch of Earthers and— it’s hilarious and strange and eerie. Most of the time the Earther characters are baffled as fuck by the mooners who sound like they’re in a group therapy session that’s performing on stage. The mooners have high emotional IQs and love art and culture and are so touchy feely that the contrast with the hardened Earthers is amazing.

The show also is filmed in Ireland so you get to see some new filming locations that you don’t ordinarily catch in genre shows. AND of course has Dominic Monaghan who looks like he’s having the time of his life.

Emma McDonald plays Bella Sway and she brings such an incredible amount of nuance and depth to her character that 6 episodes just haven’t been enough for me and I’m really excited to see more. I try not to get my hopes up with new scifi shows these days because it’s too easy to get my heart broken but I have REALLY enjoyed this show. It’s doing a lot of interesting thematic exploration about nature vs nurture and the role of technology in people’s lives and how different groups of people see the purpose of technology differently.

It has SO MUCH WORLDBUILDING - including polyamory and partner dynamics within a family, fascinating birth/death rituals that have evolved on the moon, and some rather questionable ways mooners have altered child-rearing responsibilities to circumvent tribalism and prevent violence in their society.

What the trailer and reviews for this show mostly fail to capture is also just how fucking funny and strange the cultural differences are between the Mooners/Earthers. The Mooners LOVE to dance out their feelings.

There’s a conspiracy plotline that I’m not sure how it’s going to shake out but I’m really gnashing my teeth happily on these characters, the worldbuilding, and the technology.

Avenue 5 is an HBO scifi/comedy (2 seasons, somewhat cancelled but maybe not cancelled according to some sources, seems to be a bit of a Schrödinger Cancellation) I am not sure I really recommend for most people because it is hilarious in that dark satire kind of way that not everyone wants to stomach (for good reasons). It’s by the same fellow who wrote/produced Veep so the humor is dark. I described Ave 5 as looking at our current dystopia through an un-funhouse mirror and laughing in horror.

The premise of the show is a space cruise gets thrown off course and it’s going to take years to get back to earth and the ship is full of tourists and incompetent people running the ship. It also features Ethan Phillips playing an obnoxious Martian astronaut character in a GIANT NOD to the hilarity of Star Trek Voyager.

The biggest (and most delightful) surprise of the show is Hugh Laurie’s character is queer and poly (he had two partners back on Earth). The show veers into shenanigans throuple territory (that I 100% need to write some fic for because the show is reasonably cancelled and I need MORE).

This show has some of the most hilarious and obscene dialogue that I’ve heard in years. I love it and have watched every episode several times because humanity is terrible and I kind of like laughing at their pain and awfulness rather than the real world. It’s extremely self-aware and has Lenora Crichlow (of Being Human UK!!!!) and Hugh Laurie being ABSOLUTE TOP OF THEIR FUCKING GAME.

Humans (UK) is the AMC/BBC take on the Swedish show with the same name. On the surface this is a “we’ve created robots to do all of our work for us” premise (they’re called Synths here) and features a Colin Morgan as a scruffy fellow on-the-run with his fellow Synths that he was raised with as a child because his dad programmed the Synths with intelligence. This also has GEMMA CHAN!!!!!! As one of the main leads and she is EXQUISITE as Mia.

I watched and loved the original Swedish version but the British version did a fantastic job of building the family dynamics. It follows the Hawkins family who purchases a new Synth (Mia) and Mia has had her memory temporarily wiped to be in hiding so she doesn’t know who she is yet. The mystery in the beginning season is great but in the later seasons it really builds out the Hawkins mother/daughter relationship as well as letting Laura use her legal background to explore what kind of autonomy and protection she could advocate for Mia and her Synth family.

Mattie is a teenager who has an interest in programming and she’s adrift like many others her age who are facing a future with little job prospects and just getting yanked around by the world- and I just loved her arc in the show so much, especially as she gets involved with helping Mia and her family.

Colin Morgan is really great, too but I really fell in love with Gemma Chan’s depiction of Mia who slowly learns who she is and then is trying to find and keep her family safe while also protecting the Hawkins who are trying to help her.

I found this to be a very solid show — and one that I wish I had vidded already — with great character arcs and was very mindful in the way it was exploring these age-old questions about personhood and outsourcing work to machines and how you treat these machines.

Life (2017) is a horror/thriller film inside a sci-fi setting. Scientists on the International Space station find a new life form that they picked up from Mars to study and Things Go Bad. Pretty great cast- Rebecca Ferguson, Hiroyuki Sanada, Ariyon Bakare along with — for some reason — Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds.

The life-and-death tension and anxiety of being trapped with something scary in the vacuum of space is spectacular. Really enjoyable film.

Prospect (2018) is hands down one of my favorite indie scifi films. Low-budget, INCREDIBLE ACTING, masterful storytelling. The stakes are emotionally and physically high for our characters and had me on the edge of my seat the whole time.

The premise is a girl and her dad (Jay Duplass) go to a remote alien moon to try to mine some minerals to make it rich and start a new life. They get a contract that goes tits up in a bad way and end up face to face with the locals and scoundrels. INCLUDING PEDRO PASCAL. Pedro Pascal and Sophie Thatcher are the fucking stars of this and absolutely captivating. And yes this is part of the Pedro Pascal Multiverse Dad Canon so put it on your list to watch if you need more Dad Pascal.

This movie is INTENSE and raw and absolutely 10000% highest recommendation from me. The writing, the characters- the acting. The set/wardrobe design. A+++++

Everything about this movie is so detailed and internally consistent in a way that makes me wriggle with so much fucking joy.

I even trawled through YouTube to try and find out more about it and fell in love with a behind the scenes featurette. They filmed dust motes in a basement and transposed the dust over the outdoor scenes of the alien planet rather than doing CGI for it. And the work they spent designing the space suits is so great, too.

[ravenbloodshot]

Hi ravenbloodshot! Nice to meet you :) I just came across your page because I typed Lee Soo Hyuk into tumblr. I recently got into him because I've seen his drama, you can imagine I was incredibly drawn to him! It was nice coming across this reading you did: https://www.tumblr.com/ravenbloodshot/709342946115354624/lee-soo-hyuk-love-languagehow-he-acts-in-a but also pretty scary!!

I feel a bit sick to my stomach tbh 😞 I think I was attracted to him because I accidentally trauma bonded? He sounds like my ex completely. It's actually really scary 😟 My ex is a narc and this is verbatim what he's like. Lately I've been trying to work on myself and do a bunch of shadow work, so I've been seeing where I'm going wrong and all of the unhealthy patterns that I'm trying to undo but I get so upset because I tend to be drawn to similar men? My dad is also a full blown narcissist and for my own sanity and self-love, I've completely cut him off but my heart sank a little here not gonna lie, I can't believe it translated onto celebrities as well, that's how serious this shit is?

I was magnetically drawn to this guy and I didn't know why, I've also come across another reading on him where a reader says he's a cold partner and will leave you unhappy and unfulfilled. I feel as if I can't pick out anymore what men are normal and which aren't, it's almost like I lack discernment and I hate it because I never used to be like this until I met my cunt of an ex. It's completely put me off dating until I get healthy because I cannot go through what I went through and I want to learn how to un-condition myself from these types of toxic people and men and with my toxic empathy and conditioned self thinking I can change them and seeing hope in them, hell nah. I do not want to see me like this anymore.

It's so crazy because idek this actors real personality and I've been able to be so drawn to him while he was playing another character? Imagine the narcissism peeking through at moments like that too and I absolutely don't have any concept of him during his "real" interviews either, I feel cold and he confuzzles the shit outta me? INSANE! I couldn't understand why it felt so intense and thank god that I analyse everything with my Virgo ass (yes including my emotions) it didn't make sense why I felt so fucking strongly but well here I find myself trauma bonding and being drawn to yet another ass!

I'm trying my best and I know I'll get there! I'm actually afraid to look at him now and I feel repulsed because I was so infatuated with him, I wanna run and hide, he scares the shit outta me 🥺 May I ask you a question? I don't know how you feel about this but just this one? Are my gut instincts right on me feeling he's a narc? I'm trying to calculate which patterns I'm drawn to in men and pick up on and "find appealing", so I don't have to go through this all the time and stop in my tracks before it becomes too late!

It may be different than other request, I'm not sure but I was pulled to this reading for this very reason! At this point I'm just trying to brainwash myself into liking healthy "patterns" the way I do "negative" and "unavailable" ones. If you have any tough advice or life lessons to share from personal experience perhaps that would be awesome too, I'm trying to connect to see how I can overcome these things! Thanks 🙃

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with discernment in men/ppl, I hope you can learn to see through the mask of others (it takes time and patience but it's possible).

But.....I think you are wrong about Lee soo hyuk being a narcissist (it's a personality disorder that I'm not too keen on ppl throwing around so freely), he can be cocky, materialistic and controlling but hes no narcissist. I actually sense an underlying insecurity and lack of a personality in him, surprisingly. The man is so damn mutable that if he doenst know who he is now, he will soon not know. Also, his energy is very nervous/unsure especially in relationships, hes definitely out of his element when it comes to love. And that's what creates a bad individual to date, that unsurity of his, that I dont know what the hell I'm even doing here energy, leads to all of his insecure and weirdo behaviors in a relationship. And its something he needs to work out (or he could choose to remain a bachelor forever 🤷‍♀️). And those personal issues of yours will need to be worked out as well before attempting to return to the dating scene or you may continue the cycle of bad relationships etc....

[f0xd13-blog]

Specially coz they make it seem like the options wasn't chosen by them literally planted by them so wtf are we the public even choosing ? So silly

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Well it's ok music screwed it so it kind of had to heal it also... idk why i was crazy enough to think wrestling would solve this. Anyways turning th entire roster a bit of me works as much for understandment of my identity as robalia and madonna did... the ddumbsters still have to be displaying fascist overtones within their politics... it be like communism of an identity facepalm instead of being themselves and finding one person to be the romany noooo they had to share a dna between themselves because that makes sense and it ain't just confunsing people and taking into account native americans are being used to replace us that really really helped ... gotta be from the rocks mind or cm punk wtv they are all the same... fascists never know they are fascist anyways they believe they have the right mindset right? So explain it to me how in the hell are you gonna prove we are all on the same level if you need to turn eveyboy into me? Crickets

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Stupid hippies

This people arae just those sort of hippies i thought it was over long time ago... pseudo narure shit and then it's just self centerism... they go to one natural resource and thing it is the shit! Babes brasil has more natural resources than away and you bet those corals you are putting don contribute shit compared to amazonia... so how stupid are you? It be pure hippie shit but make patriotical and not in a good way.. it's like "we havee nature tooOOOOooOooo pls care more about it or i'll make youuUuuU" bunch of children!

Anyways the wrestling is even worst coz it legit would take them one minute to do a charlie chaplin montage and add the detail of it being romany.. since he was the 1 ever stunt worker and wwe is all about that they would only win!!! But no... didn't even need to make a romany star... but the thang is they have INFERIORITY COMPLEX! They ve destroyed their own natives and once again whos to blame? The gypsies and the attention they get of course... so they have to make stars that are clearly associated with natives and expect me to work with that againts fascism... of course i still think it's purpose in fact. Disgraceful un important people not for who they are but because of how they behave and disney is ashamed of your behaviour obviously because have you seen him not distinguish pocahontas from esmeralda you wackos?

Do you want me to do a movie about jewish pocahontas killing arabic babies? Coz it's on my plans... revenged will come

Want disrespect? Lez go jewish trash

And what i'm gonma do is now reality so think bout it coz most of you legit be native killing palestinians, people from suddan and congo it ain't like that LIE that gypsies aree jewish andd behaving like us

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Hmm so lez see what native american serious catastrophe or massacre/genocide can i change the reality of or invert roles... hmmm...

Know the difference... joker wasn't technically killer but a robber ;)

Original G's most be like fuck.. wtf did they do to the meaning of eveyryhing around wrestling? You put those payos and jews thinking they can think and understand other peoples struggles and then it's this... complete disrespect! Just wait and see what i will do to your indigenous nexxt.. actually let me just grab negative history about them coz i bet there is... like the way they used to kill people just for being white... lez do a movie or a story bout that perspective

Oh what you the storyline ??? The thing is jews are you fam and i need to deal with them because of it even tho that is completely disrespectful... but you made peace with them for us WHILE THEY STILL BE KILLING US soooo whitties are my family also, they are includedd into romany culture so now i'm going to give native characteristics to an indo european and make them the victims that they also was because some of them only immigratedd there right? That didn't stopped natives from killing them so lez make a story about that with white people dressed as natives getting killed by natives dressed as white people... y'all GONNA LOVE IT

They'll only understand it when it starts hurting

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Oh your jews can"/ even be heel? Ok babes... my white people can't as well coz they be my fam you know so wait for the amount of media i'm going to create with native americans as the baddies and indo europeans as gwed people... wut??? You gotta see inddivirduality babes! And we are fam!!

So my movie will be like this jews kill muslims than natives get like wowwwww we primates and smell blood so they go there and also kill them and indo europeans be like "no wtf??" And save us

oops i'm actually not lying this legit happened i can't even do dis hold on let me think..

So indo erupeans are like in europe and then native americans come to destroy this continent after awhile jews got disgusted by the unhuman ways they was killimg white people so they came and helped us be free from nasty native americans.... yups this is better... more innacurtae than ever before, more offenssive than it could ever be... luvs it.

Oh then i'm going to use my native american identity to include white people irl.... so they can all dress like them in fact i will be doing a clothing line wity yoour iutfits and say it is romany

Like wuuuuut my G? That shit is romany not native american "what the fuck are you talking about 💀???"

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See i even have similar outfitsthat can prove it

Then i'll start a music industry of native american music but say it is chinese... it will get really big then i'll include white people as our version of your jewish family and say they invented it of course... everything native american was invented by europeans, while the wrestling your nazi friends destroyed in europe rises also i'll also put muslims dressed as jews and saying eveything jewish is actually muslim so the kippahs and those already stolen outfits will get re stolen again and the arabic people will all be jew just in theory because their bible or wtv the name is will be the quran anyways of course... then we will have indians replace native americans and aftter all all their culture is hindu... like the ideas babes? I think it's secsy and we are all the same right? So...

Don be sad!! At least my movies and media is going to be watchable not like the cinematic trash you pull out nowadays

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Imagine being online for one year to try to get rid of fascists and they only pocket shit like even the judgement day was my idea

HOLD ON!! they've just denied sasha big money that they are giving to punk and roman? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 no shade to roman every shade to punk but sasha is bigger money... se how they put this facada they are super feminist and than still create this sort of differences just coz of racism and mysogenisisticssss ... PUNK IS BRINGING MORE MONEY TI THEE COMPANY? really? Ahahah

When you also be a monke, and a white monke be like

Thanks for proving wwe wouldn't exist without gypsies... without me

You've created an enemy forever... now for each post one of your bland "superstars" specially the jews will get a comment

Back to having to read this. The world and celebs are reading this... you see what this makes? Now i'm getying called crazy again and making shit up right "heros" monke face seth rollins is fucked!!!!

Insane people joking around serious stuff being racist af!! And then using my ideas for monke faced jews andd anoretic women... while i be literally with no money for months just living out of what my mother can help me with. Insane!!!

Actually this just gave me an idea... what about if i go be a wrestler someone else and usee this robery as storylines? Pretty embarrasing

[dmwrites]

“Wait wait wait wait. You can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious.”

“There’s no way.”

Bdubs stared at Impulse with papers in his hands, and Impulse stared right back, pointing at them.

“Hey guys what’s up?” Pearl came walking into the dwarven keep. She had intended on stealing all of Impulse’s granite, but something about the two mens’ expressions made her walk over to them instead. “What’s that?”

“Uh, nothing!” Impulse grabbed the papers out of Bdubs’ hand and held them above his head. Unfortunately, Impulse forgot he was a short king, and Pearl simply reached up and took the papers out of his hand.

“Marriage certificate… what?” She gave Impulse a puzzled look.

“It’s- okay, so, you remember double life, right?” Impulse’s face was red as a beetroot, and Bdubs had his head in his hands.

“Yeah?”

“Well, me and Bdubs here were super excited about, you know, being soulmates and all that, and so naturally we got married on that server. You know, newlyweds and all that.”

“I remember. Most annoying couple on the whole server.” Pearl replied.

“Well, apparently, marriages don’t… end when you go from one server to another…” Impulse said haltingly.

“Wait…” Pearl stared down at the paper again. “So you’re saying you guys are still married?”

“Don’t you dare laugh.” Bdubs looked up from the safety of his hands to glare at Pearl.

Pearl looked back and forth from Impulse to Bdubs, and then burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she fell to her knees and coughed. “Oh my god! No fucking way! That’s so- oh my god I have to tell Gem! GEM!” Pearl screeched, tears running freely down her face.

“Oh geez! Come on Bdubs, let’s get out of here.” Impulse grumbled and both men took off, leaving Pearl to her laughter.

——

“So, how on earth do we get this, what, annulled?” Impulse glanced down at the certificate as they flew aimlessly through the sky. “I mean, listen man, I love you to death, but I have like redstone and buildings to do- no marriage can keep me from the craft.”

“Same.” Bdubs said. “Well, okay, let’s think. Who married us? Scar. That scoundrel.”

“Maybe that’s who we need to find.” Impulse said hopefully. “If he married us, maybe he can un-marry us? Is that a word?”

“Better question- how on earth does Scar of all people have the authority to marry people? Don’t you need like a license to do that or something?” Bdubs adjusted so he was flying towards Scar’s amusement park- Impulse moved to follow him, putting the papers away.

“Scar is very talented, I dunno man. I bet he has a bunch of random talents just waiting for the right moment to be used as a prank.” Impulse sighed.

——

“You’re kidding.”

Scar looked like a kid who had just discovered that he could steal from a candy shop. His signature smirk deepened to an almost giddy expression.

“Nope. Got the certificate this morning.” Impulse handed the paper to Scar. Scar read it and burst out laughing.

“That’s the second person to laugh!” Bdubs raged. “Scar! This has to be some kind of prank, right? What did you do?”

Scar sighed, wiping a tear from his eye and giving the paper back to Impulse. “Unfortunately, you newlyweds, that’s all real. I forgot I got that training to marry people a while back- I guess the marriage council caught wind of me marrying you two lovebirds on the riverside of double life and made it official! Congrats!”

It was Impulse’s turn to put his head in his hands. “Well, how do we get it annulled then?”

Scar gasped, offended. “Excuse me! I married you two so well and you just want to get rid of it! How dare you! Leave my sight! They weren’t kidding when they say love looses!”

——

“Uh, congrats?”

“No, Xisuma, we want it annulled.” Impulse said.

Xisuma pulled his glasses down to look at the two hermits in front of him. “You want it annulled.” He repeated tiredly.

“There has to be something you can do! Xisuma, it’s hot girl summer! I am supposed to be out there, booty shorts on, living it up!” Bdubs cried, throwing himself across Xisuma’s desk. Impulse grabbed him by the back of his mossy robe and pulled him upright, fixing the papers on Xisuma’s desk for good measure.

“I mean you could always just cheat. How sound are your morals?” Xisuma joked. No one laughed. He sighed. “I’m kidding, it’s all good, there’s just extra paperwork I have to do to get the marriage annulled.”

“Really?” Bdubs and Impulse asked.

“Yeah, there’s been a few hermits over the years who have drunkenly gotten married for the memes and had to get me to annul it for them. It’s fine.” Xisuma thought of all the paperwork that would have to be done and almost burst into tears.

“Woo! Thanks X!” Impulse smiled. “Bdubs! We’re gonna be bitter ex’s now!” The two high-fived and took off.

“Okay, we’ll there are a few pages for you to sign and initial- oh they’re gone”. Xisuma pulled out a few papers and stared blankly at the tiny dots that were Impulse and Bdubs. “Guys, you can’t get divorced unless you sign these!” Xisuma called, none too loudly. He just couldn’t be bothered. He put the papers away again. He’d just wait for the dumbasses to realize their mistake and come back. Until then, they were still married. Oh well.

[princessphilly]

Call Me Jake Part 2

CW: adult language, PTSD, character using derogatory language towards herself that can be triggering to differently abled people, references to kinky shit

WC: 3226

Tagging: @wildbornsiren @withahappyrefrain @writercole @wombtotombx @fuckyeahhangman @hangmanapologist @sebsxphia @kryptonitejelly @gretagerwigsmuse @callsignhurricane @callsign-phoenix @iguana-braces @lorecraft @chara-hugs @mikkorantanev @andrei-svech @dempy @starshine-hockey-girl @himbos-on-ice @hockeynshit @babeekakes @hockeywocs @trippedmetaldetector @bluecruz97 @blue-aconite @ellabellabus07 @smokey102 @therebeccaw @the-hottest-lieutenants @mayhem24-7forever @marvelousmermaid @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @tallrock35 @shanimallina87 @ratcatcher2world @hoe-on-the-range @assmanselke @hope-love-equality2 @callsign-valley @littlebadariell @atthediscowithoutpanic @seasonsbloom @a-reader-and-a-writer​

Jake always knew he was the golden child. It wasn’t necessarily fair but that was how it was. He was the apple of his ma’s eye, pa’s favorite, even his older sisters all adored him. Ma claimed he came out of the womb charming and with a wink that had the nurses all swoon. But Jake’s favorite person was Gramps Seresin.

Gramps had earned a Purple Heart and a Distinguished Flying Cross in World War II. But Gramps always said he did his duty with a twinkle in his eye. Much different than Pa who bragged about how many commies he shot down in Vietnam whenever he got a chance. Jake noticed that Gramps always looked tense when Pa got drinking and started bragging.

“Jake, my boy, war is serious business. Taking life isn’t easy and is nothing to brag about. The most important thing I am proud about is as Commander, my whole team made it home after serving in the Pacific. Duty and Honor, that’s what matters the most, Jake,” Gramps had said while Pa was bragging to his friends.

Even though Jake was cocky, arrogant, and very sure of his skills as he made it through Annapolis, Flight School, SERE, and Top Gun, he kept those words from Gramps in his mind. After going through air strikes in Afghanistan and Iraq, he wouldn’t now, not with Maverick and Rooster still there-

Jake sighed as he sat up in bed, the sheet falling down to his waist. The nightmare was back again. It only happened occasionally now but when it did, it was with a vengeance.

The nightmare was always the same: Admiral Simpson didn’t give the okay, Jake flew off anyway, but he didn’t make it in time. The enemy got Mav and Bradshaw and Jake watched them die before the enemy took advantage of his indecision to take him out too.

Reality was much different but there was always that what if lurking in his mind, ready to torture him at night.

Groaning, Jake got up, opening his blinds. It was a new day and he had a bunch of Fucking New Guys (FNGs) to corral on this shore tour at NAS North Island. For some reason, Cyclone thought he would be a good mentor to some newly winged lieutenant junior grades before they joined their squadrons. Not that he cared; Jake had a plan for his future and stuff like this was part of it as he made his way up to lieutenant commander, commander, to one day being Admiral Seresin, air boss and future Fleet Commander.

Pulling on a pair of shorts, Jake made his way to the bathroom so he could take a leak. Right after he washed his hands, there were several knocks on his door. “Fuck off,” Jake yelled.

“Can’t, you fucking douchebag,” was the answer. Jake shook his head before brushing his teeth, making the person wait. After several minutes, he strolled through his apartment to the front door.

“Bradshaw, as I live and breathe. Why the hell are you at my front door?”

Rooster snickered. “I was checking to see if Dot was here, Hangman. You two got kinda hot and heavy the last several nights.”

Jake gritted his teeth. So, he had put the moves on the only person to beat him at pool at The Hard Deck. She flirted back but in un-Hangman-like fashion, he didn’t seal the deal that night or the other night. “Actually, she’s not here. Why?”

Rooster furrowed his eyebrows, suddenly feeling concerned. “I hadn’t heard from her since Wednesday.”

Jake’s expression went from mocking to concerned. That was about three nights ago. “I’m sorry, but I haven’t talked to her, Rooster, not since she turned me down and got in her car.”

“At least you saw her get in her car. Alright, I gotta go.”

Curious, Jake wanted to know where Rooster was going because he was feeling worried himself. He didn’t even really know the damn woman, he didn’t know why rooster came to his place, but fuck, he cared.

Slamming his door closed, Jake’s ambivalent mood turned sour. Dorothy Kazansky was hot, she had a mouth filthier than the average aviator, and legs that went on forever. Also, every time he flirted with her, the glares from Mav and any other old timers there were worth it. Plus, that ass would look amazing bent over for him to spank and bite.

Brewing himself some coffee with a stove top percolator, Jake went to his fridge to take out breakfast. This week, it was protein overnight oats with chia and flax seeds for breakfast, quick and easy. Grabbing a spoon, Jake took a bite while waiting for his coffee to finish brewing. It seemed like Dot was probably more trouble than she was worth but Jake had enough experience to tell when someone had sub tendencies. Dot definitely had sub tendencies and Jake wasn’t above teasing her to poke at them. Grinning to himself, Jake decided that he would stop flirting with her to get her in bed for now. But the entertainment that came from teasing and flirting with her wasn’t worth giving up, yet.

****

Some nights were better than others. Some days were worse than others.

Dorothy sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes. The past two days had been hell on earth. Her head hurt, her body hurt, but worst was the phantom pain from her right leg.

Dorothy’s right leg shouldn’t hurt, it was a complete prosthetic leg below her knee. But whenever the nightmares about the crash returned, the phantom pain came back with a vengeance. It was so bad, it hurt to move.

The pills were looking at her from her vanity, mocking her. Percs 10, enough to kill the throb, make it go away, but also make her feel like a zombie. It would make all the pain go away, including the grief for Dad, her career, everything. It had been two years since Dad passed away but whenever the pain was this bad, Dorothy felt fresh new waves of grief. The last time she saw Dad, she was at NMCSD after being transferred from Walter Reed. Dad saw his only daughter crippled in her bed, right leg gone under her knee.

Dad had written her letters and sent her texts, telling his Dot that she was going to be fine. But Dorothy didn’t feel fine, she felt horrible and she was ready to leave home again. Then an image of a sun kissed man with sea green eyes filled her mind and Dorothy cursed, “Fuck.”

Hangman Seresin was going to be a fucking problem.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

Dorothy was out of water too. Grumbling, she finally got herself out of bed. Unfortunately, water was a necessity. Grabbing a bottle of water, Dorothy chugged it before grabbing an energy bar. Biting it, she dropped it as she heard footsteps outside her room. They were faint but getting stronger and Dorothy thought of her options as she clocked her potential weapons next to the bed. Then the door was flung open and Rooster came in.

“Good, you’re alive.”

Dot pulled a hand over her face as Rooster flicked on the light. “What the fuck, Bradley?”

Rooster moved quickly to Dorothy, pulling her in his arms for a quick hug before letting her go. Then he pulled the chair from her vanity and sat down. Dorothy sat back on her bed and looked at Bradley expectantly.

“You went incommunicado for long enough that we got worried. Be happy it’s me and not Mav or your mom.”

Dorothy bit back what she was going to say. Rooster was right; she didn’t want her mom or uncle Mav to see her like this. Instead she watched as Rooster grabbed a bottle of water and one of the pill bottles on her vanity table. Then he came over to her bed and sat on it. “Here Dot, it’s a Perc 5. You need it, I can see how much you’re in pain, princess.”

“Fuck you,” Dorothy grumbled as she took the pill and the water from Rooster. Swallowing the pill, she downed half of the bottle of water as well.

Dorothy felt a sense of shame as she fell back against her pillows. Before the crash, she had her life together, as an Air Force officer and with the help of Kevin. Now, she was a hot mess and if Kevin was here, he would be completely disappointed in her. So disappointed that the punishment would be straight up punishment, not funishment.

“You know, Dot, you’re miserable. You gotta stop beating yourself up and making yourself miserable for what happened,” Rooster started.

“That’s easy for you to say—”

“Dorothy, Kevin left me a letter that explained somethings that went on between you two that he told me to open a year after he passed.”

Rooster felt extremely weirded out; Dot was basically family, like a little cousin. The letter from Kevin basically said that he and Dot were in a consensual dom/sub relationship and that if Dot was still spiraling a year after he passed, Rooster should encourage Dot to join a kink community and possibly find someone to replace Kevin.

Rooster really had no idea what it all meant but given how Dot was starting to withdraw more often, he decided it was time to say something.

Staring at the ceiling, Dorothy bit her lip. “Kevin did tell me in his last letter to me, that I had a year to mourn before he would start to get me together.”

Bitterly laughing, Dorothy turned her head to look at Rooster. He wouldn’t understand, none of them really did; the only people she told were her parents. Kevin was a fellow officer; they had met the first time Dorothy was sent to Afghanistan. Within a week, they knew they were meant for each other. After a year, they went from a vanilla relationship to a BDSM one with power exchange. It was bedroom/home only but it gave the reckless Dorothy the structure she loved and gave Kevin someone to take care of. Then the crash happened and Dorothy was honorably discharged from the Air Force.

Kevin stayed in the Air Force but he got shot while on leave. Exactly thirteen months ago today, he passed away. Dorothy looked at the date on her watch and she sucked in a breath.

Rooster gave Dorothy a hug. “Remember, we are here for you, Dot.”

****

If you had asked Jake a week ago if he would have enjoyed dealing with a bunch of FNGs, he would have laughed in your face.

Becoming an instructor at a Fleet Replacement Squadron (FRS) during this shore duty hadn’t been part of his plans. Jake was still assigned to VFA-151 but on loan to the Dagger Squadron out of San Diego. But they had just finished their latest classified mission and most of the other members had rejoined their previous squadrons. So far, it was just Jake, Rooster, Omaha, Payback, and Halo still left.

VFA-151 was not up for deployment for at least another year and Jake was in no rush to go back to Lemoore. So getting his flight hours with boys who were set to go to VFA-154 and 192 was worth it for him. Now, the workday was over and he was headed to market because his ma had raised a man who could get himself his own groceries. Then he was going to something called a munch.

Jake hadn’t even planned to mention anything about looking for something more permanent to Coyote. He was Hangman; women were never an issue. Shit, the boys in Lemoore were glad he was still in San Diego. Better chances for all of them. But it had come up while Coyote came over for beers before flying back to Oceana.

”So, do you think you’d have a problem if I got back with Phoenix,” Coyote asked while staring out into the San Diego night.

Hangman snorted. So he had messed around with Phoenix a couple of times and so had Coyote. It hadn’t taken long for Hangman to realize that two dominant people like him and Phoenix couldn’t coexist in anything outside of a platonic relationship. Part of him was surprised that Coyote was talking about getting back with Phoenix but Hangman wasn’t going to judge. “No issue at all. She’s not my type either.”

“Please tell me you’re not saying she’s hot-“

“Phoenix is a smokeshow but I like my women submissive and willing to do whatever I want them to do.”

“Ohhhhhhhh.”

There had been a companionable silence before Coyote finally said, “You know, Hangman, you can try something like a munch to meet someone willing to do that for you. That’s how I ran into Phoenix.”

“Oh wow… okay, I had questions but they are now answered, Yote. But what is this?”

Now, Jake was headed to one later, in civilian mode. DADT had been repealed but this was still something he had to be very careful about. But if it was a bunch of bronies and neckbeards, Jake was going to leave immediately and take all of Coyote’s money at pool for the next year.

After changing into a black tee, some jeans, and flip flops, Jake got into his truck and made his way there. It actually wasn’t bad; there were a couple of neckbeards but it was mostly people his age who lived in the area. There were a couple of people Jake knew from base but they all politely ignored each other. It was easy as Jake used his middle name, Chandler; easy to remember but still not his first name or call sign.

However, Jake found his composure shaken when Dorothy walked in. She wasn’t new to this as a bunch of people yelled hi.

“Ohhh, you need to meet Snow White,” the woman to Jake’s left said. He already forgot her name but she had sweet brown eyes. “Snow White hasn’t been around in a while but I have a feeling you two are in similar fields.”

Jake wasn’t paying attention as he watched Dorothy greet everyone else. She hadn’t even realized he was there until the woman called, “Hello Snow White! Over here!”

Dorothy turned around, her eyes blinking in surprise as she recognized Jake. But the woman bounded up to her and gave her a hug. Jake slowly smirked as he realized that Dorothy was Snow White. This night was definitely looking up.

****

Rooster had told Dorothy to tell him no details when she told him she was going out to a kink community event but she felt like he would want to know how this happened. Hangman was sitting next to her and she wanted to snuggle into his heat. But then, Rooster would probably want to haul her back into the house.

Uncle Mav had told her that Hangman got around when he found out that she had been flirting with him. Her mom had helpfully said that Hangman was a younger version of Mav which had made everyone laugh at Sunday dinner last week. Dorothy was far from a virgin but she had needs and she didn’t think the cocky asshole could meet them. Then tonight happened and she was thrown for a loop. She had found Hangman very attractive that first time she played pool with him, but now, she wouldn’t say no if he asked if he could come over.

The munch was coming to a close and Dorothy reluctantly stood up. It felt good to be out and about again but the real world was calling. “It’s good to see everyone again,” she called out as she got ready to give out hugs.

“Snow White, wait for me,” Jake drawled. The slight Texas drawl to his voice definitely had an affect on some of the other people there, to Dorothy’s annoyance. But she just nodded as she finished giving hugs and saying goodbyes.

After finishing, Dorothy turned to Jake, motioning for him to follow her outside. Once outside and over by her car, Dorothy sighed. “You’re the last person I thought I would see here, Hangman.”

“I’d say the same except everyone knows you. But I’m new to this.”

Playing with her keys, Dorothy paused for a second. “New to this?”

“New to actually coming out in public. But to this… no. Just the longest I’ve been stateside.”

Jake closed his mouth as he realized he was starting to ramble. Steeling himself, he moved closer to Dorothy to where they were close but not touching. “Not going to press you but the last time we were at the Hard Deck, you said you’d think about letting me take you out. I know it was a joke but I want you to honestly think about it.”

“Why should I think about it,” Dorothy questioned as she put her hands between herself and Hangman. His cologne smelled so good and the whole vibes, this was so fucking different than pool at a Navy bar. Maybe it was pheromones from something else, something unexplained going on. But Dorothy looked up into Jake’s eyes and those green eyes were like emerald fire.

“I may not have done anything in public before but I can tell there is a good girl inside you looking for someone to tell her what she needs to do.”

Jake brushed a hand over Dorothy’s hair before leaning closer. “When you’re ready, you know where you can find me.”

Straightening up, Jake smirked as Dorothy took in several deep breaths. “Whatever,” she finally muttered before she opened her driver’s side door.

“Get home safe,” Jake instructed before Dorothy gave him the finger. Chuckling to himself, he made his way to his Ford F-150.

****

A week passed since the last time he saw Dorothy. Hangman from a couple of weeks ago would have cut his losses. Jake, however, was willing to wait a bit longer. According to Rooster, Dorothy had VA appointments and other shit that was just a bit more important than him. But Jake was very close to becoming impatient. Then the doors to The Hard Deck opened and it was Dorothy in a pair of sinfully tight blue jeans and a pink tee shirt. Licking his lips, Jake put a toothpick in his mouth as he watched Dorothy make her way over to him.

“Hi darlin’.”

Dorothy rolled her eyes as Hangman checked her out. He looked absolutely delicious in his summer whites, a marked difference from the usual service khakis they wore. Then he stood in front of her, sunglasses hooked on his shirt, pool cue in hand. “Missed you yesterday.”

“I had something more important to do than hangout here,” Dorothy teased. It was true, she had her therapy appointment and it had gone well.

Jake smirked, his green eyes twinkling. “Something more important than me? Sugar, you just hurt my feelins’”

“So dramatic, Hangman. Anyway, I thought about your offer.”

“Ohhh?”

It was just one word but there was a lot of meaning in it. Dorothy bit her lip, noticing how Hangman’s eyes followed her action. Moving closer to him, she whispered in his ear, “Pick me up Saturday at 6 and you’ll know my full answer.”

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

Can you do a 21 year old Felix and a 20 year old pepa fucking on the couch and i’ve been thinking about it and I just had to come to my favorite reader to do it for me ?

I've done one or two of this before, but we love some couch fucking, so??

(Also thank you??? I love hearing that you guys love my work)

Husband. That was a word she never thought she'd say when talking about Félix. But it was true, he was in fact, her husband. Her man. And, hopefully, the soon to be father of her children. But that didn't matter, not yet. Right now, she had to focus on his cute ass on the living room couch, fast asleep. Ugh, he was so cute, sleeping like a damn baby, you could just swaddle him. She put the bags from her shopping trip down, but pulled out the case of beer she bought specifically for him. She sat down on the couch next to him, and pressed one of the cold bottles against his exposed chest. He jumped up quickly, and of course, immediately looked to her in suspicion.

"Hijole- that was my good nipple! You better have a good reason for waking me up!"

"I got you your favorite beer."

"...okay that is a good reason."

She chuckled as she opened the bottle for him, and waited for him to sit up, before cuddling his side. They've been married for barely a month, and the honeymoon phase was still in full affect.

"Why do you always call that one your good nipple anyway? What's wrong with the other one?"

"Nothing, I just trust this one more."

She snorted, and from the grin on his face, she could tell that was his goal.

"Are you saying your other nipple is suspicious?"

"I'm just saying I don't trust it. Do we need the FBI? Maybe."

"FBI?"

"Federal Boob Investigation, very serious stuff."

She snorted even harder, lightly smacking his chest in the process.

"You are SO stupid. You make me laugh."

"And THAT'S why we're married. Aside from the fact that I'm pretty damn guapo~"

"Ugh, you are. I saw the most handsome man in all the Encanto, and I just snatched him up. Him and his weird nipples."

"Hey don't start that shit, they're not weird, they're suspicious, different."

He just wouldn't stop making her smile. She un did one button on his shirt, trying to look casual about it.

"I could just inspect them, you know."

"Oh well praise you for taking on such an important job. Is this you hinting that you want this off?"

"God yes, please take it off."

He finished his beer in a quick swig, and took off his shirt, handing it to her to do what she wished with it. She took it from him, smothering her face against it.

"I've never met a woman so obsessed with shirts."

"Not shirts, just you."

"...Pepa, I think I REALLY want to kiss my wife right now."

"I THINK she'd let you~"

He was stupid romantic, cupping her face as he enveloped her lips with his own. His hands were so big and so strong, it made her feel just oh so safe. She reached over during the kiss, letting her hand roam his stupid sexy chest hair. He grinned a minute into his, his stupid, dreamy eyes meeting her own.

"Think she'd let me do something else?"

"Depends. What'd you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking about fucking her tight pussy, right on the couch."

"Blunt. She likes it~"

Panties were peeled off, dresses were pulled down, and her absolute favorite part-

"I know something else she likes. You want me to do the thing?"

She clapped her hands excitedly, nodding in excitement.

"Just once! You're SO good at it!"

"Who am I to tell my wife no?~"

He pulled our his belt from his pants loop, bunched it up in his hand, and let it SMACK against the nightstand next to the sofa. It was so loud and exciting, it made her squeal like a little schoolgirl. And of course, he loved HER sound, making him pull her right against his clothed boner.

"I HATE that you do that! You do it all loud! You did it from the other room yesterday, you made me drop all the clothes!"

He made her keep her chin up, lightly clicking his tongue.

"Mami dropped Papi's clothes? That sounds like something I should punish you for~"

The leather in his hands brushed against her bare ass, and it made her just oh so excited, she swore she was shaking.

"You're such a mean, mean husband, Félix Madrigal."

"GOD I love my new name. I think THAT was my favorite wedding gift. Not nice enough for me NOT to punish you-oh my god you are DRIPPING right now. You like that belt thing, don't you baby?"

She felt him swipe a finger over her folds, and sure enough, his finger was absolutely drenched in her arousal. She whimpered, biting into her nail at the very thought.

"Could you just. Do it one more time? I swear that's all I need. Please, for your wife?"

"Aw, you're begging. And do I get to pound that pussy after?"

She nodded quickly, and that was enough for him. He gripped onto the belt in his hand, letting her get a good look at it, before he yet again, with much more force this time, SMACKED it against the wooden furniture. It was louder than even her angriest thunder, and it was too fucking much for her. She smashed her lips against his, and after angrily freeing his cock from his clothes, she sank onto him. He was so thick, how he fit into her little pussy was an absolute feat, even with how sopping wet he just made her.

"Follate a tu esposa, follala ahora!"

He dropped the belt, for the sake of letting both his hands grip onto her ass, and help move her in order to properly fuck her. It wasn't just the thick cock inside of her, it wasn't just the fact that they were on the couch, it was looking into her husband's eyes as he fucked her, properly and roughly. He stole a few kisses from her, stealing what little breaths she had in between the very hot and humid air surrounding them. They were dreamy, they were trusting, she wanted him snf only him for the rest of their days.

"Come on, you've got that fucking tongue, give it to Papi."

She kept her tongue out for him, letting him sloppily taste it in between their loud, lust fueled kisses. It was primal, it was messy, and like the fluids gushing from between her legs, it was everything she wanted.

"Félix please, please please, finish inside of me, please please!"

"You think I'm NOT gonna stuff MY wife's pussy? Pepi, it's like you don't even know me. You just gotta so one little thing for me first."

She knew what he meant. Knew that she HAD to cum before him. She didn't have to try really, not with his cock hitting just the perfect spots, not with his giant man hands digging into the flesh of her ass. What finished her off? One good, hard, smack to her ass. She felt her head toss back as she came all over the poor man. It was so jarring, so sudden, she swore lightning struck the damn house. Then. Oh then. He growled right into her fucking ear like the manimal he was, and came. His cum was thick, not, and she swore it was just as good as another orgasm. It seeped into her sensitive walls, it filled her, just how a proper wife should be filled. They sat there for a moment, sweaty, panting, absolute messes. Pepa chuckled as Félix, a bit roughly, tossed her to the side of the sofa. She chuckled at him, her heel gently nudging his sensitive cock.

"Félix?"

"Pepa please, at least let a man count to ten here!"

If she really wanted to cum again, he'd find other ways to satisfy her, but his dick was too damn sensitive to do anything at the moment.

"No no, idiota! I have a question."

"The answer is yes, I'd absolutely love another beer-"

He caught her scowl, and chuckled nervously, lifting her foot up to kiss it in apology.

"I'm sorry mi vida, go on."

"I'm wondering, now that we're married...can I stop taking birth control?"

She'd wanted babies ever since she was sixteen. But she promised him she'd take birth control, and marriage didn't automatically change their agreement. He seemed to mull it over for a second, distracted by rubbing her foot for her.

"You don't think we're too young? And we haven't been married long."

"I know, I know but. You'd make such a good Papi. I just know it."

He sighed a bit, genuinely giving it some thought.

"I appreciate you not getting off of it the second we got married. It really shows how much I can trust you. Alright. You want babies, let's have babies."

"You...you mean it?"

"Si. Course, this means we're going to have to...keep trying~"

He was suddenly crawling on top of her, and she giggled as she accepted a few kisses.

"I'm never scared of a little...hard work~"

A few more kisses, a few inappropriate touches, and she was ready to finally start trying.

"Hey guys have you seen Julieta's herb basket? She-OH I'M SORRY!"

Augustín was suddenly in the doorway, covering his face at the sight of them. Félix snorted, more amused than embarrassed.

"You'd think the humidity would be a hint, bro."

Pepa sighed, not finding herself embarrassed either.

"It's upstairs in her room, on her dresser. And if you keep this a secret, I won't tell Julieta you didn't cover your eyes right away."

"W-i was in SHOCK!"

"You still saw my tits. Deal or not?"

"Okay okay, deal. Imma just. Go."

Pepa chuckled as she kissed Félix's cheek.

"Shouldn't you help him get there? He's not uncovering his eyes."

"Eh he's got it. Bro, there's beers if you want any!"

"Thank you!"

He was about to fuck her again, when a crash was heard in the distance. Félix sighed, and slowly got off of her.

"I'll go help him."

Félix was going to make a wonderful father.