#what a joy was it to have it as required reading in high school again

[divinefeminine-card]

What requires your immediate attention right now?

Today, in this general reading we shall know what requires your immediate attention right now. Please, take what resonates. Choose the card or cards which appeals to you the most or jumps out to you the most, or any other method if you do one.

Please like and reblog if this pac resonated with you in any way!

Good Luck 🤞🏻🍀

Pile goes from left to right.

1-2

3-4

5-6

Pile 1

Hello Pile 1!

Let's get into your reading~

Cards: The Lovers, 10 of Cups, 10 of Pentacles.

I believe your immediate attention is required by your personal life. Your relationships. I am not even saying any specific one. It's for all. Your romantic relationship, your friendships and your family relations and every relationship which you adore. This needs your immediate attention. Maybe you have been ignoring this due to workload, stress, anxiety and what not. Please try to refocus on your personal life. You will get some clarity for good. And some much needed rest from all the chaos. Your people are there for you pile 1. No matter the actual relation, your people are your family. There are two 10s, so I believe your personal life sort of completes you~ (whatever you perceive it to be 💕)

All the very best 👍🏻

Pile 2

Now onto my pile 2!

~~

Cards: 9 of Pentacles, 5 of Pentacles, 10 of Wands, King of Pentacles.

My pile 2, the energy I got from you guys was a scattered one, a stuck one. I feel like, you guys are badly out of touch with yourself. You might need to seriously reconnect with yourself. Even with nature. Do you like animals? Perhaps. You might get significant joy from being in blissful solitude with yourself. Take some time out. Go somewhere, anywhere, even a simple walk will help you. I am getting this again. Do you guys have pets? If yes go with them. Pet, animal energy is very strong with this pile. I believe your spirit guides are looking out for you. Trust in them and have trust in yourself love! You are good, you are gonna do good.

Have faith in yourself 💕

Pile 3

Hello my lovely pile 3~~

Cards: 2 of Pentacles, Page of Wands, 9 of Pentacles

What I am getting is, your immediate attention is required by your work life I believe. You might have several tasks at hand. You might be juggling between them so much so that there is a great disbalance in your life because of that. Your mind is so occupied with all the work you have in your hands that you might not be even giving as much as you want to, to your work and even life circumstantially. The thing you need to do is, clear out your mind. Try to organise anything you can. Take small steps and start from there. Then, maybe the daunting and never ending may not be so horrifying. Balancing is the key here. Take only how much you can do. Might have to say no to a few offers.

You can do it pile 3! 💕

Pile 4

Hello my pile 4 🤗

Cards: 8 of Pentacles, 8 of Wands, 7 of Cups, Death ♾️ Rebirth.

This pile is giving me high school, college, any educational or vocational institutions vibe, AND anyone in a transition phase of their life regarding their career.

So as I said, your immediate attention is required by your studies, decisions and skills. For most of you I sense, you all are working hard and burning the midnight oil lamp. And I am so proud of you for that. I also, sense you might have many options on which way to go. It's just all too confusing. I connect with you deeply on this. What I suggest is, you can and will be awesome at whatever you are passionate about. Like listen, if you like something you are willing to work damn hard for it, you know passion ignites the flames so high and beyond in you all!! This transition phase will prove crucial to you. Think and think thoroughly, calmly.

Wishing for the best 🤞🏻

Pile 5

Hello my pile 5 :D

Cards: 6 of Cups, Ace of Cups, Ace of Swords, 8 of Swords.

My pile 5, you guys might be feeling, very much out of control I think. Might as well be feeling very very much suffocated with everything going around you. You know when the present comes to bite you, sometimes retreating back to older times, to where your heart lies is the best deal you can do/choose. And that's what you need to do. People from past, from whom you haven't talked to in months, years. Seeing photo albums, physical, online. Reminiscing about the past and thinking about the good times might be what you just need to do. Go deep in your mind and unlock the golden memories, who knows you might be in more in tune and control than you think.

Your heart is supposed to be in tune with you ❤️

Pile 6

Hello my lovely pile 6~~

Cards: 7 of Pentacles, Page of Swords, 3 of Wands, 8 of Swords.

My pile 6, have you been getting distracted from your path? I understand, it can get difficult and lonely while carving your path with patience meticulously. But, no one knows better than you on how much this all means to you. No one knows better than you on how hard you have worked for this, and how far you have come with so much resilience. I saw 11:11 right now, this might be the confirmation. Your brain, mind and intelligence will take you far and wide. Have trust in them and in yourself. You are a warrior. Like really, I am getting the vibes. The one who knows all the tactics and looks at the obstacles with eyes of determination. This is what you are. Keep working and going ahead, rest once in a while. You will do good, you will get better. Nothing can stop you now.

I believe in you ❤️

Thank you everyone who saw and participated in this pac reading! Mind you, this was my first pac. Please, any kind of feedback is always very very appreciated!! Whatever resonated, didn't resonate or anything you might want to say with this. My ask box is open.

[just-a-random-dead-thing]

~Lost and Found~ (Larissa Weems x Student!Reader)

The reader is 19 in this fic!!! The show makes it clear they have students well above the age of consent.

My undying love for this woman and her actress mixed with the honesty concerning lack of fics for her character has finally compelled me to publish something. This fic is completely self indulgent and probably not worth your time but if you for some reason feel compelled to read on, thank you and enjoy!

Chapter one (1k words)

Be warned this is very shitty angst and do not expect it to get better as I continue on. If anything expect it to get worse. Nothing for this chapter but please be warned moving forward this fic will discuss some triggering topics which will be made clear at the start of each chapter they appear. Also eventual smut you have been warned...or teased?

Finally thank you to my friend who edited this because it's the only reason it is semi-readable, they're the best <3

The rain drops raced down the cold slabs of glass, through which I watched the students running late to their classes. They sprint across the courtyard with books above their heads, sacrificing their notes for the sake of keeping themselves dry.

I hear a faint ringing. Noises blurring into high pitched radio waves as I tune back in, slowly coming to the right frequency to hear the disgruntled voice of my teacher calling my name. I say nothing in return.

Dragging my attention to the front of the class, where my teacher is writing something on the board pertaining to- werewolf procreation? Vampire sex ed? I can't keep up with the 50 different (and equally boring) lectures this man gives.

Once again I find my mind wandering off to far away places. Anywhere but this grey box, which traps me within its walls like a glass traps a spider. I have given up on any hopes of understanding today's topic of useless information, so instead I retrieve my book from my school bag and begin to read. The Outsider by Albert Camus, ironic and meaningless when you're in a school for outcasts.

I am half way through the chapter when my teacher's grating voice once again bursts any sense of joy I am experiencing in his class. This time I just can't be bothered listening to the lecture on the importance of whatever the fuck he's teaching so I get up and walk out. He continues to get louder the further I get out the door, so I flip him off for good measure. Come on, seriously! How are you that bad at your job I can't figure out the topic of today's lesson even when I put the effort in to try? If I require this much to even figure out what to put as the title of notes then your teaching certainly isn't important enough, and you aren't good enough at your job to keep me in that room any longer.

I slowly make my way through the empty halls of the academy, continuing to read as I venture back to my dorm. Thankfully, I don't have to share a room. If I had a roommate, they'd probably be dead within the week. Probably not on purpose, but you never know - I could have just been having a really bad day, and thought a light spot of murder would cheer me up.

I bang into something large, falling over my feet onto the cold stone ground. I reach to pick up my book, but before I can reach it, it’s plucked from the ground by a hand, which my eyes follow up to a very disapproving Principal’s face. Oops? What am I meant to say, sorry? It was an empty corridor, she could have easily walked around me.

She's always needlessly difficult for no reason.

"Y/N..." Weems says seething, scowl firmly fixed on her face. God, the annoyance is really seeping into her tone and body language today. Normally she at least keeps the plastic smile up, while passive aggressively giving you a lecture on how you've disappointed her, harmed the school community and destroyed its image. Hmm... the board must have cut her budget for the semester.

I meet her eyes, nearly breaking my neck in the process since she's over a foot taller than me. I smirk as I address her. "Headmistress...I didn't see you there, out for a morning stroll?" She scrunches her nose briefly at my coy attitude before replying, her words like venom.

"No Mx/Mr/Miss L/N, I'm actually coming to find you because once again you've managed to piss off the teaching staff, and I have to deal with the repercussions of them complaining about you."

Honestly, I only processed one thing she said, and that was Weems swearing. She's never done that before. Hot... definitely hot.

I chuckle with a reply. "Well looks like I've out done myself this time. I've got you in such a state that the perfect facade has fallen and you're even swearing, that's not very school appropri-"

I am interrupted part way through my gloating by a sudden sharp pain in my back. I come to realise I have been slammed against the rough wall of the corridor, causing the air to leave my lungs and leaving me helplessly gasping for air.

She leans in close with an almost deadly expression as she whispers, "This is my final warning. Make light of this situation again and I'll have you in detention with me every lunch, free, and evening for the week on top of whatever I am going to have to arrange for your other grievances.

“Skipping class and disrespecting the teaching staff - not to mention, myself - with your snarky comments and nonchalant attitude when it comes to your studies. You refuse tutoring despite being seriously behind on control of your powers - do you even know if you have any? You certainly haven't displayed any thus far throughout the two years you've been at this school.

“Sometimes, I seriously question why you chose to transfer to this school, and why I even accepted your application. It had nothing Nevermore looks for in a student and you've clearly shown you don't intend to work on that."

Listening to her words as they become increasingly more personally, tears prick the corners of my eyes but I do not allow them to fall. I refuse to show weakness towards this woman who knows nothing about me. My brief sorrow turns to anger, as I respond with possibly my last words whilst I'm alive, "Go. Fuck. Your. Self."

I desperately try to escape her grip, but just like a fly in a spider-web, it is hopeless. She is a foot taller than me and twice my weight. Her arm presses harder against my chest, air struggling to get in and out as the carbon dioxide begins to drown me. Blurred darkness slowly eclipses my view of her.

I mean, there's worse things to see in your dying moments.

[cowboyjen68]

this might seem some stupid teenage problem to you but how do i deal with my friends having boyfriends and girlfriends while im just depressingly lonely as hell? i mean we still talk but im just scared that they'll just pay more attention to theie boyfriends and girlfriends coz they did that the last time we went to our friend's house for karaoke. its not a bad thing to pay attention to boyfriends and girlfriends but sometimes i just feel left out. plus my friends used to joke abt me being single when i already feel like shit because im single and the only relationship i had was with a boy that i literally regretted to get together with bc he wasn't even a decent person to me. they don't make jokes like that anymore when i had enough and told them to stop it. idk if im being clingy at all but its like i just feel left out coz last time we went to have karaoke at my friend's house some of them just straight up pay more attention to their boyfriends and girlfriends and idk i just feel left out mostly bc it kinda feels like i have no one to talk to atp. again im not saying it's a bad thing but how can i stop feeling left out? and why's being gay kinda hard? most of my friends r in hetero relationships and they had it easy. the only relationship i had was with my toxic childhood friend who wasn't a decent person. plus everytime i like a girl, either they're lgbtq+ but just like boys more, straight or a piece of shit. why's it so hard for me to have a girlfriend? is it because im ugly? awkward? too introverted? or maybe the fact that i kinda suck at socializing bc i literally dont socialize alot? everything always goes wrong for me in my love life while my friends have it easy. im sorry if its too long

Forgive typos. I’m on my phone. And tired.

First. Big butch mom hugs to you. Take a breath and read this.

You are not by any means alone. And even in adulthood. Those of us grownups who are single often find ourselves lamenting the “loss” of a friend who is in a néw relationship. That friend is still our friend but her time is suddenly drastically limited. My best friend who was single for 12 years was my constant companion. Now she’s finally found love and two years in I’ve spent a total of maybe 6 hours with her. And it’s never just her and I. It’s only in group gatherings. It’s sad and hard to say the least. It’s feeling lonely even as I try to let other friends step in. The space she occupied will always be hers.

High school. College. Youthful friend groups tend to be much wider and less static. A constant refreshing of new love interests and I do remember those who dates feeling very intense emotions both at the start and end of such couplings. When you’re the single one you never the priority to others because they are expending so much time and energy to the mostly futile attempt to make fleeting romances work out. You don’t require energy since they assume (albeit unconsciously) you will just be there. Which is not fair. Friendship requires attention.

Sometimes we just have to toss ourselves into our own joys. Go to things you love alone. Have coffee. Enjoy a meal. Don’t sequester yourself to the internet to find connections. Be okay with you. Eventually others wil come in your life.

Do not date just to not be alone. Being miserable in a relationship is worse than just staying single and loving time with yourself.

I won’t lie and tell you loneliness will just abate. But I can say it won’t be forever. And friends will evolve and shift your entire life. You take all the good things. And bad from each one into the next and learn who and what enhances your life the most.

[yellowocaballero]

please tell me about untitled document gravity falls transcendence au. what?

The minute I saw this from Ami I was like "omfg of course you can have it queen <3" and the minute I saw it from you I was like "wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy."

Anyway, I really loved the Transcendence AU when I was younger and looking back it really was (and still is! people still write for it!) a beautiful thing to exist. The setting itself was so expansive and ripe for worldbuilding. The basic rules of the universe were so simple - 'the near future, with supernatural creatures and demons and magic!' - and opened up so much room for creativity and fun. The timeline was on such an expansive scale literally everybody could have an OC and they didn't even need to rub shoulders. Reincarnation topics meant that everybody got to write their favorite character AND make them an OC. The big creators made such great OCs that they became part of the universe and lore of the series. And for me, specifically, it was SO GEN and very family and worldbuilding oriented with almost NO shipping. I think at least some of the mods were ace and it was just the most ace-friendly fandom I'd ever seen. Haven't found that again lately.

I reread 'Return Rebirth Rewrite' and got nostalgic. I always had a mental image of how Lionel's deal with Alcor went, and then I decided to experience the absolute joy of finally having the skill to put to paper something that's always been in your head.

If you HAVE read RRR it's been a while, so TL;DR in a way that preserves the fun of the story underneath- RRR is about a normal twelve year old kid Dipper living with his reincarnated sister and loving father and discovering that he was actually a demon named Alcor in a past life.

Very short transcendentally self-indulgent fic under the cut. Hey, as it turns out, Alcor is FUCKING HARD to write.

Was it fate?

One class taken to satisfy a college requirement, chosen because it didn’t conflict with his Book-Binding class, spiraled into a certification. A high school ex-boyfriend that bought her cigarettes and induced a lifelong habit. Parents were dead - nobody to talk him out of it. Maybe it was a storm of factors that blew one decision into motion, a decision that would have stayed unmoving and silent if he’d taken the nurse’s advice and gotten some rest. Or maybe Lionel was just the sort of person who would always end up here, crouched in a motel room far from home, summoning a demon. Maybe he was weak.

Maya would have said that the love was too strong. But Maya was gone, and an oak tree grown too large collapsed under its own weight.

Lionel bought the supplies from the occult store in a daze. The past two hours had been a blur - he barely even remembered making the decision. A certification to archive the occult meant that he’d read dozens of books on demon summoning. He could do it in his sleep, and was practically doing so. He chose the best demon for the job with a distant, unaffected logic, and borrowed the motel office printer to print out a reference picture for a summoning circle. 

This was the stupidest possible thing to do, but he wasn’t stupid. It was a good summoning. He chose the best demon. An informed insanity. The only thing he didn’t do was write down his script for the deal. No need. It wasn’t exactly complicated. And writing it down would have made it real, and he couldn’t afford for anything to be real right now, so the resolution would have to stay in the making.

The summoning circle was drawn with a steady hand. The candles were lit with a decisive lighter tab. The summoning invocation was recited in a clear, firm tone. Passive voice. Dr. Gomez would have taken points off this essay. Would have taken points from his brain. Was he insane? Was he going insane? Was this insanity?

Lionel only really snapped back to reality once he was confronted with it. The candles flickered, then extinguished. Shadows bubbled and rose, snapping free of their outlines and leaking forward in pure blackness. Sulfur blew into the room on a gust of cold wind, as if standing by the shores of the sea. Lionel opened a portal and brought a demon into reality, and brought his own mind with it. 

He only properly realized what he had done once Alcor the Dreambender loomed before him. Maybe that was the first cruelty of a demon. Now he was going to bargain away his soul knowing exactly what he was doing.

Alcor was black and gold, a humanoid figure of shadow latticed with blocks of gold thread. Imprints of wings patterned the motel wall behind him, extending his presence in the room until he was almost crowding out Lionel. The top hat floating above his head was, incongruously, a regular top hat. Maybe? Lionel had only read about the top hat. Was that what top hats looked like? Why not a powdered wig? 

“Who dares summon Alcor the Dreambender?”

A desperate man, Lionel thought frantically. But he couldn’t exactly say that. 

Power stances, seem in control, take a stand. But Lionel wasn’t in the mood to pretend he was fooling everybody. His legs gave out from under him, and he slumped to his knees. Alcor angled his head downwards, somehow visibly unimpressed and bored. 

He should have prepared a script, but he would have forgotten it instantly. Lionel ended up speaking from the heart. The books said Alcor liked that sort of thing, but it wasn’t really a calculated move. He didn’t know how to do anything differently.

“Maya’s dead,” Lionel said plainly. “Maya’s - she’s my wife. Dead. Um - the baby.” 

Alcor’s unimpressed air tripled. Lionel couldn’t even muster shame. 

“The baby’s not going to make it. Respiratory distress syndrome and pulmonary hemorrhage. Respiratory failure, soon. I need - I need your help. Alcor. Please save my baby, Alcor.”

Alcor was unmoved. He crossed his arms and sighed, like a particularly exhausted doctor who had seen one too many desperate patients that day and honestly couldn’t give a shit anymore. “Another day, another little sob story. Let me guess, you’ll do anything?” His tone turned a little nasally and mocking. “You’ll even sell your soul, Mister Demon, just save my special little baby?”

The pointless mockery jolted Lionel back down to earth. Every piece of literature warned about demonic games and cruelty. Was this cruelty? It just sounded like somebody who didn’t even care. 

“Yes,” Lionel said. He wasn’t the kind of person who took the bait. Used to drive Maya mad during arguments. “Heal my baby. Make her strong and healthy and never sick. And - let me live the rest of my natural life, then take my soul. That’s my terms.”

Bored, Alcor said, “I can give you ten years of life before taking your soul.”

Lionel’s head snapped up, and he met Alcor’s eyes for the first time. At a certain point, the demon had crossed his legs and began floating in midair, one elbow propped on a folded knee and chin buried in his hand. His shadows had lightened somewhat, and now he appeared only like a man covered in shadow. “I can’t do that. Ten is too young to lose a father.”

“That’s your issue?” Alcor tilted his head, dark eyebrows arching upwards. “Not ‘thirty five is too young to die?’”

“Am I here because I give a shit about myself?” Lionel cried. Wasn’t that obvious? If the worst moment of Lionel’s life was tedious to Alcor, shouldn’t this be obvious? “I can’t leave her without anybody to love her. She won’t have anybody else. Please, come on - I know you don’t - don’t understand, but I can’t leave her alone.”

“Trust me,” Alcor said, flat and bored, “if there’s one thing I understand, it’s parents abandoning their kids. See it all the time. Your little girl would get along fine without a father.”

Demonic negotiations weren’t supposed to go like this. Lionel was too emotional, too confused. And despite Alcor’s boredom and distance, the topic seemed oddly - personal? Could that possibly be correct?

“That’s not what I want for her! I’m giving up my soul for her life, I want - I want it to be perfect. I want to tell her how much we wanted her every day. I want her to grow up with a dog. I want swimming lessons and birthday parties and vacations and - and all of it, Alcor. I have to be there.” Lionel took in a deep, shuddering breath. “Thirty years. That’s the maximum I’ll give. The life I want for her needs me in it. It’s already missing Maya. I won’t take any more from her.”

Alcor was silent for a second, long enough to make Lionel’s heart leap in his chest, before he finally sighed. “You’re one of those people who loves too much, aren’t you? People like you always lead unhappy lives.” He straightened, dropping down onto the floor and walking forward. The shadows slowly receded, and a man’s face began to emerge within Alcor. “Fine. Let me see the baby first before we shake on anything. An angelic act like this takes up a lot of energy. I’m not being hard on the price just to be mean, you know.”

Lionel stepped backwards. He knew that binding circles didn’t work on Alcor, but it was another thing to see him casually step outside of it. He was wearing the same antiquated clothing as in the illustrations, like a mannequin from a museum come to life. Like a haunted piece of the history Lionel loved so much, pulled from its rightful place by his sheer desperation.

He looked like anybody else. A complexion like Lionel’s own, mud brown hair gravity defying and framing a young face. He looked as old as Lionel. It put his exhaustion into sharp perspective - not an ancient demon wearing the form of a human, but just an old man seeming much younger. Or a young man grown too old.

It was even worse to look up at him now, and Lionel scrambled to his feet. He looked around the hotel room, as if the baby was about to roll out from underneath a bed. “She’s not here. She’s in the NICU. Please don’t teleport into the NICU, you’ll cause a panic.” 

“Bossy. Don’t worry, this is perfectly safe.” Alcor held out his hands in front of him, like a child waiting for a treat. “And…tah-dah!”

Lionel’s baby dropped from midair into Alcor’s arms. He almost screamed.

They said she’d die without intubation. Her tiny presence in Alcor’s arms should kill her. But Alcor quickly pressed a blunt finger onto her forehead, and a warm blue glow wrapped itself around her body. She slept soundly, swaddled in thin blankets, so tiny and skinny and red that she could barely be mistaken for a human baby at all. Lionel looked at her and saw a premature animal that would never grow up and become a person - a life form that would never even wake up. Seeing her in Alcor’s arms was stressful, but in a sideways way she seemed to fit.

“Let’s see the damage,” Alcor muttered to her. Bizarrely, he held her carefully and well. “You’re like a can of beans, you know that? Few hundred years ago you would have been DOA. Now look at you. Wrinkly cutie -”

Alcor halted. The last of his shadows fell away, and his eyes widened.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Alcor whispered.

The only thing worse than a premature baby at death’s door was a premature baby at death’s door that surprised a demon. Lionel stepped forward, hand half-outreached. “What? What’s wrong?”

Alcor didn’t respond. He just stared at the baby, eyes wide and frozen still. His lips mouthed something, but Lionel couldn’t make it out.

“Alcor?” Lionel asked hesitantly. “Is there something wrong with her?”

That jolted Alcor back into awareness. He looked between Lionel and the baby several times, shoulders drawn back, almost with new eyes. Suddenly and strangely, he seemed a lot more human. “Do you believe in fate, Lionel Sterling?”’

There was only one way to answer that question truthfully - with any sort of certainty. “If this is fate, I must have done something horrible in my past life.”

“Not how that works.” Alcor’s eyes were locked on the baby, as if he couldn’t tear himself away. He seemed almost dizzy. “Lionel. You really want her to live a long and healthy life?”

“I - of course.” 

“You’ll be the best father you can?” Alcor held the baby a little closer to his chest. “She’ll be the happiest kid in the world?”

“That’s what I want,” Lionel said helplessly. “I want that more than anything.”

“How nice.” Something heavy and frantic was churning in Alcor, and Lionel began to have the worst possible feeling. “I’ve been bored, you know. So bored. So bored I’ve been pretty depressed. Things just seem meaningless, you know? My last friend died years ago. I’m not really close with anybody right now, not even family. I’ve been wondering what to do about it. When I get bored I get a little weird. Maybe I’m a little weird right now.” Alcor looked up at Lionel for the first time, and Lionel realized with a cold shock that his eyes were just as wild as Lionel’s. “I feel so far beyond weird right now it’s almost funny. But it’s not boring, so it feels like a good idea.”

“Can you give me back my baby?” Lionel asked quietly.

“New deal.” Alcor’s face split into a grin, wild and insane and light. “I’ll heal your baby. Perfect health guaranteed. And! She will have certified, bona-fide Alcor protection her entire life. Nothing lethally unfortunate will ever happen to her or to you. Protection for both of you and good luck for all. Double and! You’ll keep your soul. Hell, you’ll definitely live longer.” 

For a second of complete stupidity, the deal seemed fantastic. The deal sounded amazing. Any deal that didn’t include losing his life or his soul was better than their first arrangement. But Lionel was desperate, not stupid. “What’s the catch?”

Alcor looked down at the baby, rubbing his thumb against her forehead. Quietly, he said, “I’m going to reinvent reality to give her a twin brother. Your end of the deal is to take care of him like you take care of her. Raise him as if he was your own son. That’s it. Easy.” Alcor paused a beat. “Well, not that taking care of kids is easy, and I can guarantee that this one will be a bit of a brat, but probably easier than dying. Dying’s pretty easy too, actually -”

“Like a changeling?” Lionel asked, alarmed. “You’re not taking her away, you’re just - adding a child?”

“Yup. Like a buy one, get one free sort of thing. I guess it’s like a changeling!”

“That’s it?” That still sounded too good to be true. “Will the child be evil or anything? Will it hurt the baby? What species will it be?”

“Who cares! This is a sweet deal and you know it. You can’t afford to say no and we both know that too.” Alcor shifted the baby into one arm and extended his other hand, wreathing it in blue flames. “So do we have a deal?”

Alcor was right. The extra child situation was bizarre, but two sets of diapers was infinitely better than a ten year lifespan. This was probably the best deal anybody had ever gotten for such a big favor. He couldn’t afford to press it.

“Is this going to fuck me over?”

“Lionel,” Alcor said, and for some reason he seemed dead serious, “I’m trusting you here. More than I’ve trusted anybody in hundreds of years. You’re a good person. I promise you’ll only regret this a little.”

And Lionel knew that was the best he was ever going to get, so he reached out and shook on it.

The blue flames enveloped him, a brief second of white-hot chill, before they extinguished. Lionel shuddered, and he felt something strange deep in his soul - as if something and hooked a chain around it, or bolted it to a surface and let it squirm. 

Alcor unceremoniously tossed the baby in the air, letting her blink out of existence and hopefully back into the NICU. He clapped his sparking hands, grinning maniacally and remarkably human. 

“Time to wrap up my affairs! Better write a goodbye note to Mike, leave a few emergency charms for little Alice - oh, give them Lucy Ann’s contact information for emergencies, let her know where I’m going too. She hovers. The Flock bleat and bitch if I don’t tell them where I am, so I better elect a president or something and let them self-govern. This is going to be fun! And bizarre! Don’t worry about a thing on your end, Lionel. Get some rest, and your reality and memories should be completely rewritten by the time you wake up in the morning.” Alcor reached out and clapped a reassuring hand on Lionel’s shoulder, as if the reassurance would actually make him feel better instead of a lot worse. “Trust me, you don’t want to remember this. It’ll make your life a living hell. Unless you like that sort of thing?”

Inanely, Lionel could only say, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.” 

“Really? I’m a Dream Demon, I can help! I want to be nice to you.” Nobody who actually wanted to be nice to somebody said that. “Here, close your eyes. I’ll knock you out. You’ll sleep right through the restructuring of the universe, promise!”

“Wait,” Lionel said, “on second thought, I really -”

“Night night!”

A soft index finger pressed against Lionel’s forehead, and all went dark.

[electricshoebox]

Unsolicited Lore Dump

That is such a fun title for a meme.

Thanks to @bardic-inspo for the tag!

Do you make your bed? Nope. It's just extra time I'd have to budget for in the day and I'll just undo it again after a whole day of not getting to appreciate that it looks nice, so... nah. I'll make it if company's coming.

Favorite number? Always liked 4. No idea why.

What's your job? I've been a phlebotomist with a plasma donation company for many years, and also did a lot related to training and managing training requirements. Around 3 years ago, my company created a position I was the first to step into where I travel between ~10 different locations across 4 states and help improve their training departments, keep them compliant with standards and regulatory (government/legal) requirements, and develop their training supervisors. I also lead a core group that trains supervisors using a class I got to create. It's a big mix of things I love: traveling, helping people build confidence in their skills, and creating.

If you could go back to school would you? I just don't think I could, mentally. Not to get personal, but I drove myself to a bad mental breakdown in college. There were a lot more factors than just school itself, but still. There are things I wish I could get a degree in, but I don't think I should try, at least right now. Maybe some day!

Can you parallel park? I'm not great at it, but I have to do it more often where I live now, so I'm getting better. I have a backup cam now and that helps a lot.

Do you think aliens are real? I think it's highly probable, but not in the mainstream, Hollywood, little green men way. I think statistically the universe is so vast, there has to be life somewhere. But I think it's likely so far beyond anything we could comprehend, and so deeply different from the entirety of human experience, that we'd be highly unlikely to be able to make contact or meaningfully communicate. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a good alien story/game/movie!

Can you drive a manual car? Nope. I barely understand cars as it is, I'll stick with automatic.

What's your guilty pleasure? I try really hard not to feel guilty about my pleasures, but I guess I have to echo Megh a bit and say fanfiction, just because it's still something I'm not comfortable being open about unless I know the person understands fandom or shares an interest. But honestly, college kinda destroyed my love of reading, and fanfiction is really what brought it back. It's such a joy to see the stories others come up with, and it's so fun to explore worlds I love through writing.

Tattoos? I don't have any but I want them very badly! I know at least 3 I want for sure. One is handwriting from my mom and my two best friends using song lyrics that are important to me and connected to each for me. Two, a shared tattoo with one of my best friends/roommate to do with our cat. Three, a Watership Down tattoo that incorporates "All the world will be your enemy... but first they must catch you."

Favorite color? Purple, and slate blue. Very fond of teals and deep pinks as well.

Favorite types of music? I've started to joke that music is my love language. I love so many genres. I always come back to alternative, though. Very fond of indie rock as well, and folk. But you can still get me with a good pop song.

Do you like puzzles? LOVE puzzles. I don't have a lot of room to do them where I currently live, and I also go through them too fast to make buying them often worth it, but I could do them for hours.

Any phobias? I have unfortunately discovered I am very afraid of roaches. I can typically handle bugs okay, but those absolutely terrify me. I'm also pretty uncomfortable with heights. Not so bad I can't look out a window a few floors up, but definitely can't look over the edge if I'm on a rooftop or super high balcony or something.

Favorite childhood sport? I'm not sure if this is asking my favorite childhood sport to play or just sports I enjoyed as a kid. For the former, I was not a player of sports, but I did love to swim, and I loved playground games. For the latter, I grew up going to baseball games with my dad and I do have a lot of fond memories of that.

Do you talk to yourself? Oh for sure. I do it the most when I'm trying to work out a conversation in a scene I'm writing (so I just have it with myself out loud and see where it goes) or if I have a scene idea I want to try feeling out in conversation. But I'm not above having little therapy talks with myself when I'm alone, if I need to. Oh, and I'm also a big conversation practicer if something I need to talk to someone about is making me anxious.

What movies do you adore? Oh man, how much time do you have? Definitely the Mummy (Brendan Fraser version), and the Matrix (just the first one, but that one was incredibly formative). The LotR trilogy is always going to be very important to me. Song of the Sea and the Secret of Kells are both deeply beloved for me. And then the Lion in Winter (Katharine Hepburn version). Probably the most influential dialogue-writing inspiration movie for me of all time.

Coffee or tea? Iced tea. Unsweetened. I basically have to have one every morning or I will die. (Okay fine I won't die but I'll get a migraine and be very unhappy about it.)

First thing you wanted to be growing up? I genuinely can't remember what was first because I wanted to do like 7,000 things. I wanted to be an author very early on, but also a singer and a figure skater and a gymnast and an artist and I could go on. Writing has probably been the most consistent thing, though.

Tagging (no pressure): @amanita-jack, @lioness-calanthe, @galaxy-starheart, @mercurymiscellany, and @molliehaswords

[looosey]

Tech and the City

Long time no write. To get you onboarded: this summer, I've been code-monkeying as a software engineer intern at the AI music startup I wrote about earlier in my posts. This past month has looked pretty routine: show up before 10 and leave after 5, code-code-code. But on Thursday and Friday, I pushed the backend and frontend of my feature into the product for the first time!! My hands were cold, and I sat right next to the senior engineer, reading my Github "Files Changed" tab over and over again, nervous as heck about my manual merge, and I clicked Merge... Screams of joy in my head!!

I realized recently, I want a return offer to this job, because... I enjoy it.

For the first time in my life, I've enjoyed my job itself. I like the focus it requires, the challenge to engineer and design and clean and improve, the mentorship I get from brilliant engineers around me. The pace of it, as a startup. The tight-knit, rapidly growing team. So I'm greedy to be a part of it for a bit longer.

This got me thinking though, about what it takes to be at the caliber of coding that would guarantee me any position I wanted. It was as if I was back at college applications, wondering if I should become a spikier applicant and put in hours and hours into programming, to become an undeniable pick. Spikiness... an athlete's dedication to her sport... an artist's whole investment into their craft... is brilliance and I deeply admire it in other people and find it a pleasure to be surrounded by people who dedicate their lives to one thing.

For example, there are my friends who dedicate their college lives to becoming better freestyle or choreography dancers. There is my professor who dedicates his entire day to perfecting the craft of rap. There is my co-intern who spent 8 hours a day after school coding his own personal projects all throughout high school.

And then there is me, who cannot make a decision between her interests in engineering, dance, music, and content. For this summer, I have adopted the mindset of not forcing any of my "hobbies:" to do something only as much as I enjoy it. Is it possible for this to still be a satisfying life?

After Friday 10 a.m. standup (i.e. tech companies typically have these short, regularly-scheduled meetings, where team will update each other on what they're working on), I was waffling around the corporate watering hole (i.e. the coffee machine) when another coworker stopped by and helped me use the terrifyingly complex Xbloom. After a bit of talking about our favorite roast, I found out she was extremely interested in coffee, so much so that she was writing a book! This girl can code, play piano, make coffee, design/draw, and write?? And with the drive needed to write her own book?

This interaction reminded me of my Software Design professor, who told me to go write a book: it's very fun and surprisingly easy to self-publish. He was very good at programming. And also teaching and also photography..

Which makes me think there is another model of brilliance that is not as obvious. A world where it's possible to achieve satisfying qualities in different areas of interest. Fueled by the belief that as long as you are true to yourself: because you as a body of cells and celestial dust exists, a narrative of your interests too can be summarized.

I think, I'm going to schedule Thursdays of every week to think about this a little more.

Anyways it's 1:30 a.m. and I need to be at work at 9 tomorrow. Good night!!

[mizutoyama]

Here's some fanfic writer asks for you 🎢⛔💖😬

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I'm not sure if it's for the one that I think is the wildest to read or the one that was the wildest to write. Because I can think of two for the latter, and I got that ask twice, let's go for the latter. So, the first story that was a wild ride to write was "A Momentary Lapse of Duty", in which Alice and someone else's OC go to a Pink Floyd concert. Did I know who Pink Floyd was before? Yes, though only by name and that prism illustration that's on nearly every Pink Floyd t-shirt. So to write this fic, which took place at a concert that actually happened, I not only had to do a shit ton of research, but also listen on repeat to the songs Pink Floyd performed during that set. I also managed to find a recording of that show on YouTube... I have never listened to so much Pink Floyd in my life. It was on repeat. I would take notes as I tried to figure out how Alice would react to the various songs and the overall concert experience. To me, this was one hell of a wild ride. And I haven't listened to any Pink Floyd since.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

If we're talking about a solo fic I started to write but never finished, no, at least not yet. If we're talking about a fic series I started but eventually scrapped... sorta. The Quidditch series is not entirely scrapped, but with this new OC I'm planning to include in Alice's story, I'm planning to rewrite the whole thing. Most likely with the game's characters and my own OCs.

💖 What made you start writing? 

Oh, I feel this requires a multi-part answer.

What made me start writing fics: Wanting to help out my best friend in high school with her English and the fact she was so enthusiastic about my silly little story. This was the very first fic I wrote in the HP fandom, set in the main HP time period. It was written entirely in notebooks. Found them again during the pandemic... Let's just say my English skills have improved since 😅

What made me start writing HPHM fics: Anyone who's played HPHM since Day 1 knows the joys of waiting for a new chapter. The first time I had to wait, that's when I decided to write my first HPHM fic here on Tumblr. Figured writing about my own MC would help me wait for new chapters. Ended up joining the fandom and found great people in it.

What made me start writing for HPHL: Ok, I haven't published anything related to Astraea just yet, still planning (and writing one crack fic), but what made me want to write her story is basically a bunch of "what if...", of "hmm... I don't agree with that", and "that's not how it was during the Victorian era".

TL;DR: I usually start writing because I want to share the story that pops up in my head when I'm exposed to something that makes me think "what if...".

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

All of them? I don't really talk about my fic writing pastime to people in RL.

Thanks for the asks!

[ragewrites]

hello miss lianna! happy holidays :) just wanted to pop in here and tell you i deeply adore your writing and it has served as snippets of joy in my otherwise fast-paced high school student life! i especially love your haikus! but i want to ask if haikus in general have a structure to them (like 5-7-5 syllables,) or if it's alright to go beyond them? i started writing them everyday as a challenge but i also want to learn more, if that's alright. i noticed your writing doesn't really follow a strict structure which is why i like them so much

Hi darling <333 Happy holidays to you, too. ^^

To answer your question: in English, haiku is generally understood as a poetic form characterized by its specific 5-7-5 syllabic structure, yes. But this is not the case in Japanese.

There is a certain expectation of symmetry when it comes to the length of the lines—traditionally, haiku follow an A-B-A format, with the first and third lines having the same number of characters—but this expectation is not necessarily a requirement. Nor is it a requirement that the poem come out to 15 characters exactly (or 15 syllables, for the foreign speaker.)

Take this famous and much-parodied poem of Bashō’s, for example:

古池や 蛙飛び込む 水の音

furuike ya kawazu tobikomu mizu no oto

Three lines, arranged 3-5-3, totaling 11 characters.

This length was perhaps the most common. The A-B-A format was likewise already considered traditional, but deviations were by no means rare, even then.

Another example, also by Bashō:

五月雨の 降のこしてや 光堂

samidare no funokoshite ya Hikari-do

Three lines, arranged 4-6-2, totaling 12 characters.

Really, while the length of a haiku should be brief, as far as the lines are concerned any distribution is possible. A-A-A, A-A-B, A-B-A, A-B-B...contemporary writers depart from three-line arrangements altogether, on occasion.

See, in English ‘poetic form’ tends to imply a certain structural rigidity. Only, while it isn’t wrong to define it as such, it is perhaps more apt to think of haiku as a species of poetry, the way a novel is a species of prose. The shape of the poem is secondary to its contents.

The essence of haiku is a reverence for the natural world and for the mundanities of everyday life. The practice is an attempt at capturing glimpses of this brief, extraordinary beauty which surrounds us.

Traditionally, a haiku will use kigo—words and phrases which are specific to certain seasons of the old Japanese calendar. The thought process behind each writer’s choice of kigo is complex, of course, as they can and do double as symbols, but their first and most practical function is to anchor the poem in time.

Taking Bashō again as an example, the kigo in the haiku I quoted above are ‘frog’ (蛙 kawazu) and ‘May rain’ (五月雨 samidare). Thus we know that the first one is a Spring scene—frogs are an all-spring word—and the second one of Early Summer. Indeed, another way to translate samidare is ‘early summer rain’.

As haiku moved into its modern period and began to expand and transform, the usage of kigo became less of a requirement. They are still considered a major trait of the form, though. And this despite the fact that they aren’t exclusive to haiku, but rather characteristic of the entire spectrum of Japanese poetry.

Personally, I’m rather fond of them. (Huge understatement.) Romania’s seasons are different from Japan’s, so I’ve had a lot of fun over the years, coming up with seasonal words of my own...

...I went on for very long there, didn’t I. ^^;

TL;DR—it’s 100% fine to structure your haiku as you see fit; line breakage is decided by cadence, more than anything. 9~21 syllables is a nice range. :]

(If you decide to submit your haiku somewhere, though, read the guidelines carefully beforehand. Unfortunately many editors only accept poems which follow the 5-7-5 format, as that is, by and large, what a haiku is understood in English as.)

[myevilmouse]

For the deep fic writer asks:

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

Thank you 🤗

Ah thank you so much for these asks tonight!  So much fun to think about this stuff.

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

I love this question because it is an awesome thing to think about.  For me, the best thing about writing fanfic is rediscovering my love of writing in general.  English was always my favorite class in high school, and I wrote short stories and things in creative writing that I loved back then.  It was really fun.  Hobbies should be fun and positive, and if they aren’t, they aren’t really hobbies but chores.  Writing is a great outlet for me, escapist and challenging.  I love to make  things happen that didn’t happen before thanks to a story.  It’s so rewarding.  Luke/Mara sex pollen?  Sure.  Thrawn/Pryce in quarantine?  Sure.  #itdidntexistsoiwroteit is one of my favorite tags.

Apart from the stories themselves and the act of writing being enjoyable, I have made a lot of wonderful friends in this community (and others!).  One of my first online fandom friends I met for the first time at my wedding reception hahaha and the small group of my fic buddies are invariably supportive, encouraging, and sympathetic no matter if the topic is real life madness or characters refusing to obey the almighty author.  My tumblr friends are awesome, and everyone who takes a chance to read my stories are simply gifts to me as a writer.

Also I really do enjoy reading my own stories.  I am not shy or modest about this.  I LOVE MY FIC because if I didn’t why would I write it?!  That is super fun for me to revisit and reread and be proud of something that didn’t exist until I wrote it 😊

This may be a good place to mention that if writing is NEGATIVELY impacting your mood or mental health, you should step away, take a break, consider what is having that effect.  For any writers struggling to feel that joy again (due to lack of engagement or toxicity or whatever), I suggest you write a fic and don’t post it, keep it just for yourself (personally I think everyone should have at least one fic that’s “just for you”—it’s like a secret indulgence and a great reminder of why we should be writing—for ourselves!).  I mean, I play piano as a hobby.  I definitely don’t want to share my ivory tickling on youtube or whatever, that would add pressure and misery and suck the joy out.  So remember it’s all about the joy.

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

YES actually.  What an interesting thing to think about!  I had forgotten but polled some friends and remembered a few…. These are minor controversies though, nothing like fissures in the space/time continuum or anything, more like hiccups in the tumblrsphere…

Back in 2019, I wrote a Luke/Ahsoka fic (I think it was the first one for the ship on Ao3, or one of them) and I got some tumblr hate which was fun to smack down.  People outed themselves as ageist and misogynist and, well, you can read my response here. 

I had a similar reaction to my Luke/Mon Mothma fic.  Basically, I am militant that fanfic is for fun and you should write whatever the fuck you want.  I have no obligation to conform my stories to anyone’s expectations and refuse to do so.  Also Luke/Ahsoka is a GREAT SHIP you can’t change my mind haahah as is Luke/Mon, why can’t she get some Jedi loving?!

More recently, I understand there was some fandom kerfuffle around my Thrawn/Sabine story.  Again this had to do with age differences and the idea that professors/students is verboten blah blah blah. 

All I have to say to that is if you see a rated E fic tagged “hot for teacher” and you want to complain to the author that it’s about a student banging her teacher, you have issues requiring addressing that are beyond my expertise.

me @ the negativity

Thank you so much for these asks tonight @guestiguess!  I am enjoying them immensely! Hope you enjoyed the answers!

[khashanakalashtar]

A few months ago I would've reblogged this with no addition, maybe left a #felt or #mood in the tags, but in the meantime I've had my meds switched out.

The thing I was on before was great at making me not suicidal, I was on it for like seven years, I would have told you I loved it. The first sign that it had stopped working?

Was not being slightly dissociated literally all the time. Which was leaps and bounds a better place to be than miserable, but I had straight up believed real wonder and awe were something I had simply grown out of. I did not think I was capable of those emotions anymore, the kind that lets you stare at a grasshopper and go, "fuck, this EXISTS, look at it!" The mindful kind. If anything, I thought those were emotions reserved for people not living in a world falling to pieces around them, people who had real-life friends and partners and job satisfaction, people who made it to the gym and took walks and ate well-rounded meals.

My meds stopped working and I got back highs and lows, both, I got back wonder and awe and feeling alive and I got back lying in bed using all of my strength not to hurt myself. A whole range of emotions I thought I didn't have anymore.

The first thing they tried me on muted the highs and lows again, but it did nothing for my executive function, and I straight up told my psychiatrist, the amount of sugar I'm having to eat to get myself to do anything is not sustainable. Honestly I could probably handle the bad days if I could function on the in-between days, but I can't make dinner or take a shower or get through a workday without eating handfuls of chocolate, even if my mood feels fine. And I pointed out to my psych: My old medication was a dopamine/norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. So she switched me to something with epinephrine in it.

Y'all, someday is now.

Someday I'll read this book, someday I'll paint that picture, someday I'll start job hunting, someday I'll schedule an eye doctor appointment--it's now. I'm doing it. I can do it.

I read a YA novel in one sitting. I haven't pulled that shit since high school. I can do more than one thing in a day now. I've scheduled like four things, done the household chores before they started gaining sentience, tried to visit the cobbler and an art exhibit, gotten my mother's Christmas gift, refilled my meds, made serious progress on three pieces of art, applied for several jobs, read that book, planned my Halloween costume, and voted within, like, the last week.

Because, now? I can decide to do a thing and just do it. There's minimal arguing with myself. It doesn't take effort to move from the "fine I'll do it" stage to actually doing it.

I keep cycling through a couple repeating thoughts. "Is this what it's like to be neurotypical?" "It was never supposed to be this hard?" "I've actually been disabled for my entire adult life, in the legal sense of significantly impairing my ability to do things in several areas of my life and not just the 'mental illness counts' sense?"

And also, "Every time I thought, 'Is this really all there is?' the answer was no?"

It's not perfect. Brain still requires more rest than I want it to. Couldn't leave the house today, or spend the daytime working on art or applications, but I took a shower and did the laundry, including the ironing, and that's more than I usually get out of days like this.

(And you know what, it's a lot easier to get exercise or eat balanced meals or clean your shower before it molds or do activism if you don't have to fight yourself about it for hours. It's like the opposite of a negative spiral. It's easier to maintain friendships and develop new ones and consider career paths and find things that give you joy and purpose.)

You know how we're always telling suicidal teens that they don't know what their life is going to be like yet, that they can't begin to imagine how different adulthood is going to be and the person they're going to become? I think we need to stop forgetting that this applies to every stage of life to some degree. Teenage Kieran had no idea what life was like, because they had only experienced a piece of it, but early 20s Kieran and late 20s Kieran also had no idea what life was like, and they would never have believed Kieran today existed. I can only assume that I still have no idea what life is like in my 30s and 40s and after. The idea that "you never know what the future might hold" has actual meaning to me now.

I don't want to imply that all of you just need to get on better meds, I know that's not the answer or even feasible for everyone. I just want people to know that it isn't a platitude when I say you never know what the future might hold. You might get to practically-30 and have the hopeless grind of a life that you can't look too far in the future of without depressing yourself suddenly look like an opportunity.

Also that "not actively suicidal" is a fine first goal for an antidepressant, but maybe don't stay on it for seven years without at least considering raising your standards.

Someday might come.

i thought my suicidal late teens were the hardest years of my life but nothing could’ve prepared me for my 20s waking up everyday with no purpose, feeling so lost, unable to keep up with friendships, watching everyone move on with relationships and careers and being unable to catch up. and I’m such a “life is not a race” type of person but damn I’m losing so hard rn

[avocodas]

This is a long ass post.. I don't if i am back as my senses for joy are paralyzed. But I wanna thank you for each like, reblog, or reach out message💖 If you read this, ily

Where am I?

I am in my 20s crisis... that's what is fueling this anguish post.

But i wanna point out first how, lol, how soothing opening this hellsite again.. All the memories played back like my skin cells are giggling bro.. how pathetic haha

Now for my crisis.. I left my job

No i wasn't laid off, i didn't resign at once .. but some of you caught up with my random thoughts, you knew I worked as a teacher. From grade 1 till grade 10...... that's 10 classes at my first fulltime job and I will spoil you it was a terrific experience and i mean that in two directions. So i asked to be a part-timer ( since i was teaching 2 subjects) and stay the Design teacher for Middle Schoolers- and High schoolers ( younger kids are nightmare) . A month and a half the HR and my line manager sat and a meeting and informed me that my request isn't in the prestigious-expensive-only-rich-fams-register-their-kids school's budget. So I politely quit! My health withdraw, the psychopath manager i had to work with, the unpaid overtime, last minute meetings, the whole chaos weren't the reason to quit. I quit because i don't wanna stay in the same classroom telling a kid to quit licking the mouse for 40 years straight.

I got a chance to work in Qatar, despite I didn't wanna go i accepted to go to the interview *after mom scolded me too lol *, and everything went great till the interviewer learned I don't have a teaching diploma which is a mandatory requirement in Qatar.. Another piece of crap paper that costs-lots-and-adds-no-values, is once again controlling my life..

I didn't want teaching or the "safe" job title to be my prison for my abilities and for my ambitions...

Right when I quit, an initiative to teach 2D animation opened for applications, it was a full year program from 9-5 ( unpaid lol) but you are gonna learn from local artists who worked internationally and who wanna revive Lebanon as a creative hub for digital productions! the only downside that they accept only 5 students, and you have to be a good in digital art!

and guess what this girl is at least great at? splashing colors on pixeled canvas!

So I applied, waited a month and a half for applications to close and another 15 days waiting for a shortlisting email for an interview which was in couples of days!

I arrived before 20 minutes, scanned the greeny, clean, prestigious, occupied by western-woke locals neighborhood, till my interview starts in 6 minutes!

I tried to stay calm, but my heart was beating fast from this random jogging around the neighborhood haha, one of the juries approached me and said " don't worry, they are monsters inside *wink wink*" and jokingly replied " Ohh no, i was a teacher, so ig i am too a monster myself haha" and we shared the laughs..

In the interview.. they asked the typical questions why i wanna learn animation, have i tried, bla bla bla and i basically repeated my cover letter and shared my experience with students when we learned to storyboard and film simple stop motion animations...

" But why haven't you created your own universe?"

Excuse me ?

The founder himself, along with the children book illustrator asked me this question.

Folks, my portfolio consisted of variations of work, from commissions, to studies, to typographic illustrations and many many more.. at the end i put 4 illustrations from my KNY fanwork to prove my rendering abilities

Just to be asked why I don't have a concept.. an attribute that needs a lot of research and year of observing, experimenting and documenting to achieve.

I replied that i am indeed in my journey to learn and discover my concept, I kid you not drawing my favorite shows is what drove me to learn art, dragon ball helped me get through my parents divorce, i ve been drawing KNY for 2 years straight and there where my technical skills got honed.

But what do you wanna do? you were a teacher, game developer, do you see yourself a game developer? you did VR game, you drew comics, you studied CS at uni bla bla...

and I simply replied " I still in my journey to learn what do I actually wanna do for living, committing to a title isn't a wise choice for me as you stated I am good at multiple fields. I am applying to this program to add to my table and see how my past expertise would contribute into elevating the skills i am gonna acquire - if selected- here"

"But if you wanna give a title for yourself what it would be ?" asked the first juries that i met "A Digital Artist . As it joins the multidisciplinary fields in the digital medium in general"

and there where it ended. Do you know what shocked me the most? It is the skeptical looks on the founder of the program, and the weird vibes in the room itself as if i was brought here to be humiliated.

Because what didn't make sense at all, is asking why I don't have the vision of a 30 yo painter when i am still 24? I mean i am here to learn ani-.. well who am lying to...

the only reason I wanna get applied to this program wasn't just to learn animation purely, it was to work on the last project which is a 15 minutes movie.. I want to be seriously involved in a professional production of a movie where i finally can feel belonged to, and use my skills in concept art, visual development, narratives, designing and developing the storylines.

A week pass by, and it passed horribly. As my eyes were glued to the gmail app, and my ears waiting for the notification sound sat to important emails only. And just for my luck i got insomnia and i couldn't sleep well. What adds to it my mom cooked mjadara in both colors for the whole week.

On Thursday, When i was with my friends, I ordered a roasted potatoes from the Al-Turki restaurant, called the restaurant twice to confirm bringing changes so i can avoid unwanted tipping. Food arrived, my friends are jealous cause of my big fat potatoe while they got humble shawarma wraps which was also high in calories unlike my order.

Right when I forked the first hot, cheesy sweet and salty bite, the important-email notification knocked, so did the result..

"Bla Bla Bla

I am writing to let you know that we won't be able to take you with us for this year's program.

Bla Bla Bla. Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla 2025.

Bla Bla, Bla "

All the week of eating bland food and meals, and this appetite killing news came just after i paid 8$ for a delightful meal..

I did the usual, called my mom, she comforts me, tells me Allah knows the best, peeps in Palestine fought for 75 years and they still fighting and it will be free... maybe you might need a part-time job first so you can handle the transportations and don't feel less than others.. bla bla bla.. and don't cry

Yeah i didn't cry, I desperately wanted to, but my mom asked me to not.. even when my friends asked what's wrong I cracked jokes instead.. at the shower i wanted to cry but my eyes stayed dry..

Cause now I am lost, this what I visioned my year gonna be.. i planned to have my name travelling in the movie credits in the MENA annual festivals... and what went wrong is something i didn't have control over, i crafted my application perfectly, i contacted the first edition participants, and took their opinion. All what i planned and worked heartfully through just didn't blossom at all..

the seeds were rotten to begin with ...

Chin up, accepting faith and trying to move on... i am trying to apply to full funded masters program in CS, couple of programs opened and amma apply... Colleagues, friends and online strangers are saying a the perfect candidate and shower me with compliments ..

But at this point, does anything I plan to matters? I don't recall the last time i put huge efforts and got fair results..

Highschool? I was kicked off the team cuz my teacher misread the number 3 to 4.. and that was right after i did half of the project

University? Always were with the outcasts, the cool ones tho. Covid, inflation, stress eating me alive, Doctors opens the pandora box for unholy questions, effortless teammates, woke teammate, love triangles i was forcefully registered in...

Even After University, when i had an interview with an alumni to work online in his gaming company, he calls me at night and tells me he got me job as a teacher - a position he previously worked in- and he wasn't gonna pay for three months anyways so this better for me...

Only to have my views of whatever-positive-delusions-i-had crushed and turn on my survival instincts to escape this toxic-controlled-by-psychos-work place....

I really wanna stand by and watch where the waves of life throw me at. DO nothing at all, and see where Allah's plans throw me at... I have big faith in Allah but ... this wallah frustrating... soul crushing... i don't even know what job i can apply to now...

I am afraid to not get anywhere and be another story of those who faded in the morphine of corporate and safe redundant jobs.. or worse to end up as a beggar who couldn't move on, yet finds out that the market is already saturated and competitive too.

[rainbowywitch]

Hello dear🌹

I am Maria from Gaza I am an eight-year-old girl. I was waiting for her to start school, but the occupation deprived me of it. Please help us. Read our story in the link pinned on the page and share. Please, may God bless you.🙏

Hello, I am Etaf Al-Qataa,I'm from Gaza, Im34 years old ,and I am communicating with you with a heavy heart and on behalf of my family, consisting of seven members, including 5 children. We were trapped in the devastating situation in Gaza. We were urgently seeking evacuation to Egypt after enduring more than 200 days of displacement and hardship. I seek to help them urgently and provide them with the minimum requirements. The occupation demolished our beautiful home and took my husband’s job and his car. I was displaced and was able to escape the scourge of war to Egypt, after fleeing to Deir al-Balah in Gaza and tasting the bitterness of displacement and losing a lot. Today, I find myself in a situation I never expected. The conflict in Gaza has left my family in desperate need of help. And here I did not find any money for the family’s expenses after the occupation managed to take away everything we had and we went back a lot. This war took our livelihoods and our factories, and we are struggling to survive. This is our house that was destroyed by the occupation. It was a beautiful house that contained all our beautiful memories, me and my family. We put a lot into it. This is my husband, Youssef Islim, He is 38 years old, whose business was destroyed by the occupation, his merchandise was burned, his car was destroyed, and we no longer have any other source of income. His beautiful laughter was stolen and turned into sadness after this. This is my eldest son, Moataz Salim, and behind him is his brother, Moatasem Salim. They excelled in their studies, and had high grades and were among the top students in school. However, the occupation took away their money to complete their educational rights. We were living a happy life before, but the smile was taken from me and my family. These are my children, Maria who is 7 years old, Adam who is 4 years old, and Amira who is 3 years old. Maria was the first in her class and they had a beautiful life before the war, but the occupation took away their joy. We were from a very high-class family and the occupation wanted to destroy that in us, but we will not help the occupation destroy us and with your help we will rise again, and because you are a human being who helped me and my family to spend on their education and live a decent life like you and thank you to everyone who contributes to that may God reward you many times what you donate to us my dear ones.

[fromthehorriblemindofjanetgrey]

Poem's from Janet Grey- 8

Friendship

I wake up in the morning and get online

And mess around until the sun leaves the sky

My message count remains the same as it started

Zero, until I've departed

Friendship, what is that?

I think it's something I've seen on TV

It doesn't matter what I type

I doesn't matter if I've got the hype

It doesn't matter if I cry out for help

I doesn't matter if I give a pained little yelp

My message count remains the same

The only thing that keeps me company are these games

Friendship, what is that?

I think it's something I've seen other people do

People act like I just don't exist

And that I have to tolerate their attitudes just to persist

Why should I endure this pain

If there is nothing for me to gain?

And then I decide to take the initiative

My message count goes up

Friendship, what is that?

It is something fleeting

Something that I take the time to create

But the moment that I look away, it collapses

My message count remains the same

I know that I shouldn't do this to myself

My message count goes up

It's a painful joy

Like trading a bad thing for a slightly less bad thing

I'm just too lonely to stay away

Thoughts

When I in high school, part of the required reading was a certain book. I don't remember the name. In it, the protagonist has this friend. This friend that he noticed never goes to him to hang out with him. So the protagonist stopped going to his house and inviting him out. And they never hung out again.

I had a few friends in high school. Then I tried what the protagonist need. They never came to see me. They never worried if something happened. They never even bothered to wave if they saw me in the halls. After I stopped inviting them, we never hung out again.

Another one I wrote as a teenager. Ugh. If anything, I feel like it's MORE true now then it was then... why does it feel like the only people I meet are so shitty?

[love-is-all-you-need-13]

📕

I can’t tell if this is “what book has the biggest impact on your life and why?” Or “who is your all time favorite author, and what makes their writing so special to you?” So I will answer both.

The first one would probably be The Joy Luck Club. Reading it in back in high school when there wasn’t much representation for POC in my school’s required reading, it was nice to see Asian representation and read about their family’s struggles and how much that reminds me of how hard and how much work my family( we’re Mexican) had to do in order to make a better life for us here in America. So it holds a special place in my heart and I would love to reread it again.

Now for my favorite author and what makes their writing so special to me, I sadly don’t have one. I have a few at the moment but that’s because I’m either currently reading their books or just finished them like Taylor Jenkins Reid is one I like at the moment due to reading Daisy Jones and the Six last year because I bought it when I went to visit my intern friend for the first time and it was way before I found out they were making a show. I love how she wrote these characters to feel like real people to me and my love of music took over big time when I was reading it. Another author would be Morgan Rogers for her book Honey Girl. Which again she, like Taylor made her characters feel real to me; plus I love one aspect of the main character falling in love with her significant other through their late night radio show.

But yea no real favorite author. One day I will have one, I just need to find the right one.

[ikatsfromspace]

So I usually use the Tumblr app on my phone right? And I added the quick queue labs thing cuz I wanted to queue more posts and stuff, but now I'm trying to find the sweet spot where my queue isn't like 900 posts long and growing, but I'm also not posting 3000 times a day. And like. I'm thinking I should stop queueing things. Just go for it. Like the only posts i should queue are like scheduled posts. Like for the ides of march or like holidays like "taxes are due get your shit together" day. If people have opinions about my posting habits please tell me I never post anything on this app organically.

Or just say hi. I like a lot of y'all's posts and I'm too shy to initiate conversations on the internet. Like I'm in a Destiny server on discord and it took me like almost a year of being in there to feel comfortable posting literally anything (did y'all know i play destiny? It's not really one of my fandoms but i like the shooty space magic game). There was a time once in college where I was gonna post my swimming logs and that ended when I stopped swimming like the day after (did y'all know i like swimming? I fuckin love swimming it brings me great joy but i don't have access to a pool or the executive function required to drag my ass to the gym and swim there. Like i never know what to do because what i want to do is practice being a rock at the bottom of the pool (which is harder than it sounds for buoyancy reasons) but both lifeguards and lap swimmers don't like when you do that) and like I want to pick it up again but I feel like I can't do it (or most things tbh) by myself.

If it's not obvious i have like at least 80 HDs (ba dum tschhhhhh I'm not funny but that's my favorite ADHD joke) and like idfk i want more internet friends so I'm making one singular post because i make an effort to have an internet presence like twice a decade (Jesus Christ that makes me sound old but like ITS TRUE I DONT TRY THAT OFTEN AND THE LAST TIME WAS LIKE 5 YEARS AGO) but like anyway idk what y'all call me (my usual online nickname is "shoosh" or "shooshie" cuz Tumblr is the only place where I'm not Shushikat cuz I made this Tumblr back in high school before I had an established online identity) but anyway all this to say hi I want more online friends. If you want to be friends with me, please send me a message or something. I may or may not throw a captcha at you just cuz bots but like i promise I'm friendly.

God this post is so fucking long no-ones gonna read this far. What the hell am I talking about this is Tumblr I've read posts longer than this? Anyway how does one end a babble?

[yokelish]

book recs please

To Sleep in the Ocean of Stars.

The Plague.