#what a deep dive for a Monday morning

[machveil]

..Pierced and uncut I say

okay okay okay I am listening and writing

CW: genital piercings

for König? hear me out… I originally thought he’d get a Prince Albert, but with further consideration I think he’d have a pubic piercing right on the base

maybe he got it in his early twenties because he thought it would be cool Virgin!König or maybe Inexperienced!König, he has a high pain tolerance so he figured ‘why not’. the experience wasn’t that bad for him, it still hurt and felt weird for a while, but it was manageable

it doesn’t matter if it’s oral or he’s sinking into you, his eyes are glued to where his piercing meets you. hips involuntarily stuttering when the piercing is snug, right against you - and he’s big, the entire sight of you taking him to his piercing has his mind swirling and brain oozing out his ears

for Simon “Ghost” Riley? nipples pierced too perhaps? uncut, rocking an ampallang. I see a lot of talk about him having a Jacob’s ladder, and I get the appeal for sure, but an ampallang scratches my brain right personally for Simon

gets it in his early thirties, maybe a birthday gift to himself after some mental debate. methinks Soap and Gaz joked about him getting his dick pierced and how ‘the ladies would love it, L.T.’ - definitely did not influence his decision

personal opinion, when Simon asks for ‘just the tip’ he means it - my man has restraint. he’ll lazy rut his tip against you, eyes half lidded as he fucks his tip into you. jaw slack as he watches the piercing dip in and out of you, sloppy streaks of cum painting your thighs when he pulls back a little

[whiskeynwriting]

Good Soldier

Captain John Price x Female Reader

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Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)

Age gap (20ish years - it’s so delicious), secret relationship, alcohol consumption (Price is drunk), dirty talk, praise kink, daddy kink, brief spitting, mentions of oral (m receiving), vaginal fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, squirting. 

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A/N: Drunk daddy Price babyyyy YESSS

Also, ty SO much to @thesleepingmusicneek for proof-reading this. I wrote this at 3am on a random whim and it was embarrassing how many errors it originally had🥲😂

Also also, I completely forgot to post this on Monday 🙃

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Captain John Price Masterlist

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It’s early in the morning when he wakes you, rough hands pawing at the covers and soon your chest. At first, you’re not sure what’s going on; all you can feel is the weight of his body on top of you, the rough scratch of his facial hair rubbing over your face and neck. His back arches forward, curling around you, arms strong in their embrace. 

“Price?” Your voice is quiet and wispy, rough from sleep.

“Don’t call me that.” Comes his immediate response. “You know my name.”

And you smile at that, a sinister little smirk he can’t see through the darkness. He’s too busy pushing his lips against your cheek to notice it, anyway. 

“Sorry, sir.” That smirk is everlasting, body resting against the mattress as John works his way to your bare skin. “Didn’t realize it was that kind of moment.”

“Why the fuck else would I be on top of you?” He’s snarling, finally ripping your top from your body so he can grab a fistful of your tit. Breathing heavily, his mouth hangs open beside your cheek before closing with a deep inhale. The entirety of his presence is clouded with the smell of cigar smoke and whiskey, nothing you’re surprised by. And you’re not sure if your body is so limp and pliant because of your sleepy state, or your unwavering desire for him. 

“Wish you came tonight.” He then says in a rare moment of sweetness, almost cuddling into your body. 

“You told me not to.” Finally turning your head toward him, your noses meet, brushing over the other’s. “Don’t need your boys seeing us interact…” 

He frowns at this, your repetition of his earlier words. You’d wanted to go out with him, with all of them, but John was getting paranoid. He already felt like all eyes were on him when it came to you. Every chance he got, he went easy on you, gave all the hard paperwork to the other recruits, let you take as many breaks as you’d like during training, even made a habit of calling you into his office one too many times throughout the day. 

Reaching forward, John grabs your jaw, fingers pinching into your cheeks. That authoritative tone then makes an appearance as he demands slowly, quietly, “Behave.”

And that makes your cheeks run hot, a girlish little smile forming on your lips. Innocently, you reply with a whisper of, “Just repeating your own words, sir.” 

“Christ, you’re a sassy little thing.” With one quick motion, the hand on your face dives down to your thigh, squeezing its softness before moving to your ass. But even though he sounds genuinely annoyed, he’s still pulling on your panties, and it’s now that you realize he’s without his shirt. His chest presses down against your own, firm and full of hair and fuck if that didn’t turn you on more than anything. 

“Say my name,” He requests, mouthing at your neck. John is beyond sick of hearing that title, specifically when it came from your lips. He liked giving you this piece of him, liked creating this intimate space. 

Burning in the best of ways, his beard scrapes against your skin, soothed by the soft press of his lips. John seemed to be entranced by your entire presence, in the way you smile, the way you move. He’d never felt a sensation so ravenously delicious before he met you, so intensely carnal. 

Dropping his head down, John’s lips find your chest, mouthing at your soft slopes. It’s now that you fully give in, hands rising to either side of his face while arching into his touch. Both of those strong hands come up to grab you, too, molding your tits to fit perfectly in his palms. 

“John,”

“There we go,” With a broad smile, he praises you. “There’s the good girl I know.”

Those words make your head spin, make your center pulse and your body run hot. He knew what words like that did to you, even in the most mundane situations. You each had your triggers, particular words or phrases that made you weak in the knees and absolutely dumb in the head…

John liked to be called captain on the field, and when he heard you address him by said name, he had to fight the hard-on growing in his pants. But in bed, he liked John, he liked giving you that piece of him. And you, you fought for his attention, for the reward that made your eyes shine like stars in the sky - his praise. There have been too many times where John commended you for your hard work, even in front of the others, speaking words so innocent that no one but you could interpret otherwise. Good soldier, strong girl, even his favorite recruit. 

Days with extra praise ended with John pulling you into the locker room, bodies sweaty and sore but desperate for the other’s touch. He’ll lift you against the lockers, cold and rough against your back but it’s hard to notice when he shoves his cock between your legs. Heavy breaths and deep, quiet moans fill the smaller space, John’s sweat dripping onto your body. And you cling to him, too, with every limb you have, face burying into his neck to kiss and lick his sweat-slick skin. It happened often, way too fucking often. 

Other days, when he wouldn’t see you as much, that’s when he’d call you into his office. Little is said when this happens, John’s strong arms manhandling you over the side of his desk. He’d yank your cargos down and spit on you from behind, rubbing his fattened tip over your delicate lips. 

At times, he’d take you in the shower, too, his strength preventing you from slipping. Sometimes it’s up against the tiled wall, but more often than not, he took you from behind. Your cheek would press up against the cool tile, John’s front pressed firmly to your back. Shower sex was usually a more sensual experience, John’s hands roaming your body with an incredibly loving touch, lips obsessing over your jawline and neck. You’d sway back against him, feeling him throb inside your body while steam filled the room. You only got away with this when it was late, when no one else was in the room. 

But fucking in your room, this is new. 

“Perfect fucking tits,” He’s nibbling on your nipples now, wrapping his lips around them and sucking harshly. 

As if it’s your natural instinct, your hips rock up toward him, your blood rushing with excitement when he finally moves to settle his pelvis between your legs. It’s clear that he’s completely wasted, his movements both erratic and sloppy, but that’s never stopped him before. If anything, it makes everything that much more enticing to you. Even in his inebriated state, he wants you, he finds you. 

“Gorgeous girl, my gorgeous girl.”

With an intrigued grin, you return with, “Yours?” 

And that’s when his head shoots up, face inches from yours when he declares, “Mine.” Grabbing your jaw in one hand, he stares into your eyes as best he can with the darkness surrounding him. 

“You think any of those others boys will fuck you like I do? Think they’ll take care of you like I do?” His head tilts as he asks you this, free hand dipping to the space between your legs. “You’re my girl…” And then, his eyes are drifting down, watching the pad of his finger trace the damp trail on the center of your panties. “My good little soldier…”

“John,” The whimper that comes out sounds helpless, and he likes it that way. Lifting his head alongside a sweet smile, John leans in, finally reuniting your lips. He’s got you now, and he knows it. 

It’s been a few days, nearly an entire work week since you’ve last had each other. John was out with the task force for most of it, using tonight to celebrate a successful mission. And while it’s amazing he’s able to do that, amazing that he led another successful operation, to say you missed each other was an understatement. 

The hardened muscles of John’s chest press into you, pelvis grinding between your legs while he kisses you breathless. The hand on the back of your head keeps your mouth against him, his eyes closed in bliss. And when you moan, that liquor-soaked tongue takes advantage, shoving its way into your mouth and he’s moaning when you reciprocate the action. 

“Let me fuck you.” That raspy voice says, hands already on his pants. Looking up at him, you nod, no longer feeling like the fearsome soldier you know you are. With him, you can be soft. 

His own words prompt John to lean back then, undoing his belt and side-stepping out of his jeans. It’s quite the sight, watching this large, muscular man undo his jeans while towering above you. The bed dips with his weight, and you feel a brief chill in his absence. But it’s not for long. 

He doesn’t even bother taking your panties off, just slides them to the side before cramming his fingers into you. It makes you moan, makes you shriek when he curls them. And then you’re grasping at his shoulders, scratching over his freckled skin. Your captain doesn’t start slow, it’s quick and firm, the way he fucks you with two digits. 

“J-John, baby.” 

“Hush.” Is all he says before quieting you with his mouth, moaning into your throat when he finally tastes your tongue. “God, you’re so good like this.” Taking a breath, he shakes his head, scissoring his fingers into your dripping cunt. “Such a good fucking slut when you’re like this.”

“Fuck me,” Your eyes are rolling back, earning a proud grin from your partner. Is he your partner? Has it grown that deep? 

Before your sleepy mind can even comprehend it, he’s replacing his fingers with his cock, his head popping in. At such an early hour, it’s almost impossible for you to have a single coherent thought in your pretty little head, other than the sensation of his girth filling the space between your legs. It’s heady, and he’s heavy, throbbing against your warmth when you release such a cute little squeak. 

“Christ, just give it to me.” He grumbles above you, the scent of liquor and cigar smoke wafting through the room. That scent just does something to you, especially when you watch him smoke. Late at night, you often fantasize about blowing him while a cigar hangs from his mouth; maybe another time. “Ngh, just lay there while I take this tight little pussy.”

It fills you so completely, his warmth consuming your being. Every time you take him, it’s a perfect stretch, not enough to hurt but just enough to sting. Your hands don’t leave his shoulders, either, clinging to him and urging him down, closer to your skin. Happily, he complies; he’s been waiting for this all night. 

“Fuck, I wish you were there tonight.” John repeats, feeling you bite into his neck. “I really do.”

He tries desperately to keep his composure but he can’t, not when you’re squeezing him so sweetly, warm walls wrapping around him so tightly. It’s mere seconds before he’s moving his hips, not allowing you to take in the full sensation of him. 

“What if the boys see me?” Your question is breathy, lips kissing the hinge of his jaw and whining when he sinks back into your heat. 

“Y’know, sometimes princess…” Leaning back, John grabs onto both of your hips, staring down at you. And the window allows you the perfect view, far off street lamps illuminating the room. “I wish they would.” 

It’s then that he’s pulling your body back and forth onto his pelvis, forcing you to meet his movements. He can’t help but pound into your soft body, sinking in as deeply as he can. And wouldn’t you know it, the old man is already panting, blue eyes staring down at you with voracious desire. 

“Fuck, it’s so good. You make me feel so good, so fucking good.” John’s words, his moans, they’re louder than you’d anticipated they’d be. And honestly, it feels amazing to be able to do this to him; to be such a young woman and have this captain’s attention. 

“Baby…” Whining quietly, your hands reach back, holding onto the pillow beneath your head. It’s all you can do, really, while your body rocks against him with every thrust he gives. And John didn’t just plow into you, no… his hips swayed, plunging deep, hitting hard. “Please.” 

“Taking it so good for me, lovie.” You’re practically on display for him. With your arms raised, it leaves your entire torso vulnerable, presenting your body, as if to say use me, use me however you want. 

“Bragged about you today, princess.” 

“W-What?” The way your hips rut against him forces a groan from his throat, brows furrowing. 

“My good little soldier,” He explains, breathless, running a gentle hand down the skin of your stomach. “How well she’s done, how strong she is…”

“They’re,” Laughing briefly, you sigh. “They’re gonna figure it out.” 

“It’s like I told you… I don’t know if I care anymore.” Glancing down at your chest, John watches the way your tits bounce with his movements, the way your nipples harden when he leans in to spit on them. “Perfect fucking girl…” 

“Baby, please.” You don’t know what you’re begging for and John knows it’s just because he’s fucking you dumb, hitting that delicious spot deep inside your cunt. “Please, more.” 

With all your strength, you manage to wrap your legs around his waist, watching the reaction it pulls from him. Letting go of your hips, he lays both palms flat on the bed, dropping down to your chest. The moan that comes from John’s mouth is deep and needy, resting his face between the slopes of your breasts. He was such a sucker for that move. And that, combined with your sweet begs for more, please, John’s picking up his speed. The bed begins to rock from it, your hands leaving the pillow and finding the back of his neck and head. 

“Gorgeous fucking thing,” He says, kissing your nipple. “Sweet little girl… all for me.”

The way he moves is utterly devastating to your body, your nerves alight with that wonderfully erotic heat. Every time felt like the first with him, so passionate and erratic, quick movements and forceful kisses. He just wants you, wants to fuck you full until he physically can’t, to mark you from the inside out. 

“I fucking love it, I love this, baby.” The way your nails scratch down his back makes him shiver, strong legs supporting his body as he plunges between your legs. “You’re right.”

“I’m right?” John immediately asks, heavy breaths damp against your cheek. 

“You, you take care of me.”

And that fills him to the brink with pride. He really does try to, he always has the best intentions in mind when it comes to you. 

“Yeah, I do… because what am I, sweetheart? Who am I?” 

Fuck, you knew he’d bring this up. You fucking knew it. Of course he held onto that, your slip up from last week, before he left for the mission. But honestly, you haven’t been able to let go of it, either. The name left your lips in quiet pleas throughout the week, playing with yourself and imagining it to be him - in bed, in the shower, after workouts in the gym. And you wouldn’t have even thought of whispering that title if it hadn’t spilled from your lips the night John left. 

“I asked you a question.” He demands, punctuating it with a sharp shove. 

“Daddy.”

“Fucking Christ.” It punches out of his chest, the muscles in his body flexing to their limit. Both hands find your skin then, one securing to your hip, the other holding the back of your head. Leaning in, John rests his face against your neck, moaning freely. 

“Again.” 

“Daddy, please.” Your fingers rake through his hair, stinging his scalp when you pull on the shorter strands. “Please.” 

Tossing your head back gives him perfect access, his teeth digging in. Here, John sucks on your skin, rutting his hips against yours hard enough to slap against your ass. It rings throughout the room, alongside your collective chorus of pleasure. And he drinks in every little noise you make, every cute whimper that slips from your mouth. 

“Daddy.”

“I love it,” He can feel you sucking him in, can feel the way your slick drips down his shaft. “Oh Christ, I love that. I take care of you, yeah?”

“Yes, yes and,” Swallowing dryly, you sigh. “I wanna take care of you.” 

Together, your hips grind against each other, forcing him in as deep as he can get. Here, he pauses, breathing against your mouth before biting at your lower lip. 

“Yeah?” John questions, hand lifting so he can pull at your bottom lip with his thumb. “And how’re you meant to do that, hm?”

Moving slowly, your captain trails his facial hair along your cheek, your jaw, breathing airily against your neck. It runs a flurry of shivers down your neck and chest, arousal curling tightly in your abdomen. 

“I want you in my mouth.” Finally, you admit it. 

“Oh,” His surprised chuckle makes you feel hot in the face, sheepish. “What an offer that is. But… it’s not gonna happen, not tonight.”

“Why?” It’s a full-on whine; you can’t help it. With how wonderful he feels inside your cunt, you can’t even imagine how delightful he’d feel on your tongue. His heavy girth filling your mouth, leaking down your throat. 

“When I’m inside you, princess, feeling you raw,” Now, that ravenous pace returns, that broad body leaning back again to grab at your waist and ass. “I’m not pulling out, not until I’m done with you. And you want daddy to cum, don’t you?”

“Yes, baby. Yes…” 

Releasing a harsh grunt, John continues his movements, rutting into your core and throbbing against your welcoming warmth. 

“Can feel you dripping down my dick, sweetheart. You wanna cum?”

“John,” Arching up toward his body, you release a high gasp. “Yes! I want more, daddy, please. Please, I want more!” 

“Oh, god, you just love it, don’t you?” Snarling, John runs his nose up the column of your neck, taking in your scent. “My lovely little girl wants my dick, doesn’t she?” 

He’s whispering in your ear now, listening to your shrill cry of yes while your hand is grabbing at his ass, pulling him further into you. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, he’s grabbing your face and shoving his mouth over your own. It’s rough, mostly tongue and teeth, feeling overcome by his desire for you. 

John can feel every twitch of your velvety inner skin, can feel the way your slick drips down his balls. Christ, you get so wet for him, so wet for such an older man. 

“So sweet for me,” John huffs beside your cheek, kissing your soft skin obsessively. “Tight as a fucking virgin, aren’t you?” 

In the darkness of your room, your body rocks against the mattress, feeling John’s weight keep you down. All you can hear is his voice, his grunts and groans. All you can feel is the firm warmth of his body, his hot breath, his skin damp with sweat. 

“Cum for me,” Comes your small whimper, wanting to feel him inside you, wanting to know he’s inside you. “Please, John.” 

“No, I need you.” He insists, reaching down between your bodies. Here, his fingers toy with your clit, circling it, squeezing and rubbing it. “C’mon, princess.” John requests, lips beside your ear as he groans. “Cum on this fucking cock.”

“Fuck,” It comes out as a whisper, eyelids pinching shut with your lips falling open. 

“Feeling my little soldier… squeezing around my cock.”

“John, John.” The way he touches you makes you see fucking stars, a delicious little heat burning up through your belly. 

“Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” John can feel the way you spasm around his length, the way your breathing becomes shallow and erratic. “C’mon, lovie, be good for me. Cum on my cock, cum like you're supposed to. Just make a mess on me.” 

“I’m gonna,” You reply, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. Then, your body relaxes, hips jerking up in an involuntary act. And when John feels it, that hot rush of liquid on his pelvis and lower abdomen, he all but loses his goddamn mind. 

A groan punches from his chest, stuttering out through his mouth. Your girlish shriek forces his eyes back, feeling you tear skin with how hard you’ve scratched him. And he can’t wait for the boys to ask, he genuinely thinks he’ll tell them this time. Because… it won’t be the first time they’ve inquired about the marks on his back. 

At this point, he can’t hold back, he’s grunting into your neck while he absolutely floods your heat. Every spurt is accompanied by a sharp jerk of his hips, his body tensing and flexing and he’s doing everything he can to keep from falling on top of you. His arms hold you, squeeze you, rubbing the hot slick of your cum over both your bodies. 

“Mm…” He’s groaning, laying lightly over your chest. Your wetness has bathed his lower stomach and pelvis, the sight and feel and smell driving him mad. “Baby…” 

Gently, lazily, he kisses your neck, eyes closed in contentment. And for a moment, you wonder if he’ll stay. You’ve spent nights together before, parting in the morning to fulfill your separate duties. But will he allow himself to leave from your room? To allow the possibility of someone seeing? 

“You’re so warm.” Caressing his back, you sigh, drinking in the intimacy of this moment. He’s still inside you, flaccid and just resting. Your combined slick begins to drip from your folds but neither of you seem to care enough to clean it up, not yet. 

After a few minutes pass, John releases a saddened breath, muffling into your shoulder, “Should I go?” 

“No,” Instantly, you’re tightening your hold on him. “Stay.” 

A cocksure grin forms on his face from that, eyes drooping with exhaustion. “You want me to stay?” 

“Yes,” It comes out as a small giggle, fingers now running through his hair. “Stay, John.”

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

After my conversation with Dawn, I decide I need to talk to Ash as soon as possible. Mostly to take advantage of the clarity and confidence boost while it lasts, but also because I really don’t want to deal with yet another awkward Monday morning. I rush into the apartment to shower and change, and am back out again within twenty minutes.

During the walk to his apartment, I rehearse what I want to say, mumbling to myself as I navigate the quiet streets of the Spice District, trying to figure out the words now so I don’t get stuck and stumble when I see him. Finding the balance between being honest without having to dive into the entirety of my fucked-up past is more difficult that I expected. Almost as though, once I open that door, everything wants to come crashing out like a cartoon closet where a mountain of junk has been stashed in order to make a room appear clean and organized.

When I arrive at his building, step off the elevator and stand in front of his door, I stop, realizing I’ve shown up completely unannounced. “What am I doing?” I mutter, “Why didn’t I call first?” I start pacing anxiously around the hallway, trying to decide whether to knock or whether to leave and text him and then come back. I don’t know if he’s home, or if he even wants to see me. Does anyone even answer the door if they’re not expecting anyone? I don’t.

It takes me at least ten minutes before I finally decide to just knock. If he doesn’t answer, then I’ll text him, but I can’t leave now that I’m here. I walk back to the door, whispering to myself, “Ready… 1… 2… 3.” And then I knock.

It’s Lex who opens the door. She understandably looks surprised to see me, “Hey. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, I just need to talk to Ash. Is he here?”

She gives me a concerned look before nodding, “Yeah, he’s in here.”

She escorts me down the hall to the living room where Ash is laying back on the couch looking tired and despondent.

“Hey,” I greet him anxiously, trying to gauge how he feels about my showing up.

“Hi,” he doesn’t give me much, but he does seem curious at least.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure.”

Lex takes the cue to leave us, pointing back toward the hallway, “I’ll just go hang out in my room.”

Ash nods a thank you to her as I walk over and sit next to him on the familiar yellow sofa. His feet are up, and he lets them come to rest against the side of my leg. I don’t know if the gesture is intentional or not because his eyes stay down, watching his fingers as they pick at the polish on his nails, but regardless, the contact gives me the courage to start speaking.

“I’m really sorry, Ash. It’s not fair, the way I’ve been treating you.”

“No, it’s not,” he says pointedly, “but go on.” He sits up and crosses his arms defensively, but his eyes are soft when he looks over, encouraging me to continue.

Taking a deep breath, I turn to face him, “Okay look, aside from Dawn, I’ve lost everyone who’s ever been important to me. And I've developed a bad habit of shutting people out, keeping them at a distance. I guess I thought that by not dating you, I could keep from getting too close. As if it would prevent me from losing you too, or maybe I thought it would hurt less if I did. I’m not sure. But refusing to date you because we worked together just felt like an easy way to keep a distance that felt safe. It all backfired though. I fell for you anyway. And it hurt like hell when you walked out on me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been stupid, and I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” he says softly, giving me a small half-smile but still looking apprehensive, “So, where does that leave us?”

And here it is, the moment I usually freak out and tell him we should just be friends. Even now I have to fight back the part of me that wants to shut down and push him away, that is convinced it’s better to be alone. Perhaps that part of me did keep me safe once, when I was young, but Dawn’s right, it doesn’t anymore. We left that place a long time ago, and for good reason, but I’ve continued to carry it around with me. I need to figure out how to let it go because I’ll never have a future if I keep myself stuck in the past. So, for the first time, I tell him the truth about how I feel, “I really care about you, Ash, and the connection we have, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare the hell out of me, but I don’t want to run from it anymore. To be honest, I don’t know the first thing about being a good boyfriend, but I’d like to try. With you. If you’ll still have me.”

To my surprise, I feel lighter. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t this. A weight lifts from my shoulders, and I feel almost giddy as he looks up at me, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“You really want me to be your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Do I still have to quit my job?” he asks.

“No,” I laugh, “please don’t. I really like working with you every day.”

“Good, me too,” he says with a smile, his body finally relaxing as he leans over to kiss me.

We both laugh as he tries to keep his lips on mine while he turns and climbs onto my lap. Once he’s settled, he wraps his arms around me in a tight hug, burying his face in my neck, his soft kisses sending a chill down my back and causing goosebumps to raise on my arms.

“Is that a yes?” I ask.

He pulls back, draping his arms across my shoulders and resting his forehead against mine, “Oh, it’s a hell yes. Will you promise me something, though?”

“What?”

“Always be honest with me. If you get overwhelmed or scared, if I get too intense or piss you off, if you’re struggling for any reason, whatever it is, you can talk to me.”

“I know. I will, I promise. Can I ask you for something too?”

“Of course.”

“When I inevitably screw things up, if I disappoint you or upset you, will you stay and talk to me? Don’t storm off and leave me.”

“I do love a dramatic exit when I’m angry, but for you, I can definitely do that.”

“Thank you.”

“See, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You’re a great boyfriend already.”

I laugh a little, tempted to make a self-deprecating joke, to assure him I will indeed let him down eventually, but then decide I’d rather kiss him instead.

Even if I am destined to lose him in the end, I at least want to enjoy every minute we have together in the meantime. And who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there’s a chance he could love me the way that I love him.

He stops then, and for a split second I worry he heard what I was thinking. The way he looks down at me makes me wonder if he was thinking it too, but instead he asks, “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Um, I have to let Lex come out of her room.”

“Oh shit, Lex.”

“Yeah. So, I don’t know, maybe we can all watch a movie or something.”

“What if I want you to myself tonight?”

“Then, you’ve got me,” he smiles, “We can just hang out in my room.”

“Sounds good.”

“Okay. You go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.”

He enters the room quietly, closing the door softly and leaning against it, watching as I look over the artwork on his dresser and on his wall. “I just realized I’ve never been in your room.”

“What do you think?"

"I like it, it's very you."

He smiles, pushing himself away from the door, "Can I ask you something?"

“Sure.”

“When you say you lost everyone, what do you mean? What happened?”

“Uhh,” I sigh, unsure if I’m prepared to dive into all that tonight. “If I promise to tell you, can we save that conversation for another day?”

“Yeah. We can do that.”

“Thanks.”

“So, what do you want to do then?”

“I’m sure we can think of something.”

Prev // Deja vu // 18+ // Next

[dancingtotuyo]

drabble. love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears

Woman | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: some days, the fear still lingers.

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (13/14 years). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, panic attack, hurt & comfort

Notes: yeah I saw that picture too and it sparked a bunch of inspiration.

Words: 787

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

Peace is hard to come by in this world. Even within the protected walls of Jackson, it alludes you with ease, but you manage to find small pockets of it. As your life has changed, as you’ve grown these past couple of years, it’s easier to come by. Joel’s hand in yours on your evening walks. Mornings spent in his arms. Pancake breakfasts with your kids. Ellie’s continued fascination with everything new. The rise and fall of Carter’s chest as he sleeps, limbs spread like a starfish. Willa’s head on your chest. Joel’s soft snores. It’s so easy now, lulling you into a false sense of security. 

It hits you without warning from time to time, the fear of losing everything again. You can be standing in the kitchen laughing at a joke and that little voice echoes that it’s only a matter of time before the hundredth shoe of your life drops. Sometimes you can push it away, diving back into the moment, but not always. 

Joel seems to sense it if he’s around, the tense of your shoulders, the glaze of your eyes, and the way you still. That’s what happens tonight with Carter chatting on at the kitchen table as he colors and Willa cooing contently as she plays with her newly discovered hands in a laundry basket as you chop vegetables. 

Joel’s hand covers yours, guiding you to safely set the knife down. His callused finger traces your hairline from forehead to your ear. “What do you need, Sweetheart?” 

You feel his warmth so close, yet giving you the space you need. Your mouth’s gone dry. You repeat the words in your head. You need to get outside. You need to move. You need to be alone. “Walk,” is all you manage to get out. 

“Alone?”

“Yeah…” 

“Go. I’ve got things covered here.” 

You nod, moving instantly toward the front door. You hear Carter ask where you’re going but you feel far removed from it all. 

Only once you’re at the farthest point from the houses, at the edge of the cattle fields do you slump to the ground, surrendering to the panic in your body. Tears race down your cheeks, chest tightening with each breath as you ride it out. 

The sun is set when you enter your home. Carter is practicing his reading on the couch. He offers you a smile and a hug when you come in. Your body is exhausted, but it helps soothe you. 

“Daddy took Willa upstairs.”

You smile, running your hand over his head and kissing his cheek. “Thank you, buddy.”

He beams at you before returning to his spot on the couch. You’re halfway up the stairs when Joel’s singing greets you, pulling you in like the ocean tide. The room is dim, the only light coming from the open door. 

Joel sits in the rocking chair, his head tipped back against the headrest and eyes close. Willa sleeps soundly against his shoulder as he continues to sing a slowed, softer version of Fleetwood Mac’s Monday Morning. You lean against the door frame, watching them in this quiet moment. You’re not sure when he decided that would be the best lullaby for your infant, but oddly enough, it works. 

You’ve never been able to track down a copy of the band’s self-titled album, and it tugs at your heart to hear it after two decades. Then, Joel makes it to those last few lines of the chorus. 

I don’t mind. I’ll be there if you want me to. No one else that could ever do. 

His voice is so soft, a deep baritone that coats you in warmth everytime you hear it. Accompanied by the slow creaks of the rocker, it tugs you further into the room, closer to him. 

Got to get some peace on my mind. 

You rest your palm on his shoulder. Joel’s eyes flutter open slowly as if he was singing himself to sleep. He offers you an easy smile, free hand wrapping around you, settling against the side of your lower hip. He shifts Willa up on his shoulder more, making room as you slide into his lap, nuzzling into his opposite shoulder. Your legs rest over the arm of the rocker. You are positive you’re cutting off circulation in Joel’s legs, but he never complains. 

You lay a hand over Willa’s back. Joel kisses your forehead as he starts to rock again. The slow creak of the floorboards start again as he sings the chorus over, but this time it feels like he’s singing to you.

I’ll be there if you want me to.

No one else that could ever do.

Got to get some peace on my mind. 

Taglist: @pedrotonin @amyispxnk @joeldjarin @ilovepedro @justagalwhowrites

@missladym1981 @jessthebaker @annieispunk @ashleyfilm @moel-jiller

@eloquentdreamer @lizzie-cakes @hiroikegawa

[analogwriting]

The Other Side of Paradise

Chapter 6: Season 2 Episode 3

Killer x gn!reader word count: 3.1k first|next a/n: i swear that's a song title

As the party began to wind down, you found yourself on the couch in the garage. Dive was sleeping with her head in your lap. Killer was next to you with his arm around you. You were fully leaning into him, trying not to fall asleep yourself. 

“Killer, come do one last shot with us! Close the night out.” There were people scattered about, passed out in various places already. Some people were keeping the party alive and going.

He looked at your half sleeping form, shaking his head. “I think I'm good.”

“You should do it, babe,” you mumbled, sitting up and pulling away from him. “This is gonna be the last time you see some of them for a while.”

“But I'm also leaving you, too. I want to-”

You kissed him softly, smiling. “Yeah, but you still have all of tomorrow and Monday morning with me. Go. Have fun with your friends.”

He looked at you for a long moment with fondness in his eyes but otherwise an unreadable expression. “God, I love you. I don't know what I did to deserve you,” he mumbled, kissing you again before getting up. 

“You were born. Now go. I'll be fine.” You waved him off before settling back into the couch and falling asleep. 

--

The next morning, you wake up pretty early despite being up so late. It was always like this. No matter when you go to bed, you always wake up early. A blessing and a curse.

You yawned, moving a bit before realizing that Dive was still in your lap. You wiggled out from under her, trying not to wake her up and celebrating quietly when you succeeded. You do a few stretches, yawning. Your body feels stiff, probably from falling asleep on the couch in a weird position with someone in your lap.

People were passed out all over the place. You moved strategically, trying not to step on anyone or bump into them, picking up some trash as you went. You knew you had a whole morning of cleaning ahead of you. As people woke up, you’d probably have them help if they didn’t have anywhere to be immediately.

“What are you doing?” You jumped, turning to see Killer standing in the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Cleaning up a little bit.”

The two of you were always the first ones up - as always. 

“You should be resting.” You rolled your eyes at his words, waving him off. “Oh hush. I'm just fine.” You threw away everything you had in your arms before grabbing an empty trash bag. 

Killer came over, pulling the bag out of your hands. You looked up to protest but his lips found yours immediately. You had gasped slightly, giving him a chance to deepen the kiss. You couldn't help but moan into him as your arms found their way around his neck. He pressed you into the counter slightly. 

Before it could get too far, you pulled away from him. “Hold on, babe. People could wake up at any moment,” you mumbled against him. 

“It's still early. We're fine. Besides, I still need to punish you for telling Hop and Bubblegum the news beforehand.”

You couldn't help but giggle a little as a shiver ran down your spine the lower his voice dropped. “But that's not my faaaault.” You fake pouted, unable to suppress a grin.

He kissed you one more time before finally letting you go. 

“Fine. I'll get you once everyone leaves.” You bit your lip, unable to contain your grin. “Promise?”

Then you took the trash bag back from him. “Promise.” He shook his head, letting you go start picking things up. 

As the morning progressed, people slowly woke up, helping you clean up the massive mess that was left over. You’d probably do some deep cleaning after everyone left - if your boyfriend let you, that is. Might have to wait until he leaves. After all, you’re going to need to give yourself something to do to distract yourself.

 Killer was already working on making a huge breakfast for everyone. He knew that everyone would be awake by the time he finished cooking. His food could honestly wake the dead just from their aroma.

Once you have enough people picking up trash and the house, you head outside to get the tables all set up once more. Hop joined your side, helping you. The two of you made idle chit chat as you did so.

It wasn't long before everyone was outside once more and dining off delicious food. It was noisy, which isn't a hard feat; not when there were so many of you. There were so many different conversations going on. 

Slowly, people made their way out. Some of them right after breakfast, some stuck around to mingle. Your boyfriend was mostly busy saying goodbyes. He had tried to stick with you again but you'd waved him off. 

You two would have plenty of time for goodbyes later. 

--

Finally, most people are gone. Heat and Wire head out as well, both needing to start packing their things. You were cleaning up breakfast when you felt Killer lift you up into his arms. You yelped, falling into laughter. 

“Now we have some alone time.”

“Not completely. Don't be gross and loud,” Kid shouted from the living room. 

The two of you laughed. “We're just going to rest. Don't worry.” Killer headed up the stairs with you, Kid just grumbling something neither of you could understand. Probably calling a bluff or something along those lines.

Killer tosses you onto the bed and you fall into fits of laughter as he crawls in after you, kissing you before collapsing next to you, pulling you in close. 

“Now we're alone,” you mused, turning to him and kissing him softly before resting your heads together. 

“I'm going to miss you,” he mumbled. 

Your heart hurt a bit, but you let out a pained smile. “I'm going to miss you too, love,” you said, voice low. 

The two of you laid like that for a moment, just enjoying each other's company. Who knew when you’d be able to just…coexist together again.

“I'm going to fly you out as soon as I'm able.”

You look up at him, chuckling. “Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I gotta finish up my degree anyway.”

“I can provide for us. You don't have to worry.” He frowned. 

“Well, even when we get to that point, I'm going to get bored just doing nothing. I might as well get a job. Give myself something to do when you're touring and stuff.”

“You'd come with us at that point.”

“You don't ha-”

“But I want to.” 

You looked at him for a long moment, observing the determination in his eyes. Your own expression softened.  “Well, someone has to take care of the house, especially if it’s a mansion like Kid wants.. And you need time with your buds. And I think Kid wouldn't allow it anyway.” You snorted, listing off the reasons on your fingers.

“He cares about you more than you think. He was also incredibly bummed he couldn't bring you along initially.” 

Your face warmed up. You knew your own cousin cared about you, that was a given. It was still weird to hear aloud though. It was also nice, knowing that you were cared for.

“You're our honorary fifth band member, after all. And Kid still wants you to sing for us.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “In his dreams.” You just couldn't stand the idea of being on stage in front of thousands of people. 

“Maybe one day,” he mused, rolling over and pulling you on top of him. 

You sighed, yawning. Killer said something else but you couldn't make it out as everything caught up with you and you immediately fell asleep. 

-

You woke up some time later, seeing that several hours had passed. You noticed Killer wasn’t in bed and you grumbled for a moment, feeling the bed for him as you processed that he was missing. You were also struggling to properly wake up - still mostly asleep.

You heard movements, looking over to see Killer at the closet. Ah, he must be packing. You slowly sat up, stretching. You didn’t realize just how hard you had slept; you were pretty sure you even drooled a little. 

“Have a nice nap?” Killer’s voice made you jump as you were wiping up the dried drool from your face. You looked over to him as he was folding up a shirt, setting it in his suitcase. You stared at him for a moment, processing once more. 

“I should probably check everyone’s luggage,” you mumbled.

“Huh?”

You scrambled out of bed, tangling yourself in the blankets and started tumbling to the floor. Your boyfriend caught you with ease. “Slowdown there, partner. What’s the big rush? You’re not even awake fully yet.”

You mumbled something that you weren’t sure of and with the look on his face - he wasn’t either. You took a moment, just sitting there in his arms as you adjusted. Waking up and immediately going after napping that hard was apparently a bad idea.

“I…” You looked up at him, smiling. “Am going to double check everyone’s suitcases. Just to make sure they have all the essentials. I don’t trust any of them as far as I can throw them.” 

Killer stared at you for a moment before laughing. He nodded. “Alright. Sounds good.” He kissed your forehead, letting you bound out of the room.

You stopped at your cousin’s room, seeing his suitcase opened and things haphazardly tossed in, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. “Tungsten?” You called - no answer. Huh.

Curiosity had the best of you, making you walk in to check his suitcase. “Hey, the fuck are you doing?” You nearly jumped out of your skin as Kid came into his bedroom, pulling his headphones off. 

“Making sure you’re packing decently.”

“I’m not a child.”

“The last time I let you pack your own bag, you didn’t pack any underwear or a toothbrush.”

“I was younger then!”

“Tungsten, that was literally last month.”

He went quiet, narrowing his eyes at you. “Who needs underwear,” he mumbled.

You rolled your eyes, looking through his clothes. “Fair point, but you still need to brush your teeth at least.” 

He walked over to you, watching over your shoulder as you went through his things. Everything was dumped out, for starters.

“Hey-”

“Don’t backseat pack. If you’re gonna hover - zip it.”

Kid grumbled, folding his arms and pouting like a child; living up to his name. As he did so frequently, but so did you. Truly related.

You resumed what you were doing, folding things and putting them in the bag neatly so more could fit inside of it. “You need to make sure you’re folding things nicely. You’ll fit more that way.”

“Now, go grab your toiletries, I see you have forgotten them again.”

“I can just get new-”

“Go get them.”

“Alright, alright. Fine.” Kid grumbled, mumbling things under his breath as he left the room once again. You continued to pack his suitcase, making sure he had plenty of outfit combos, his important accessories, and once Kid came back, his toiletries.

Kid looked at the bag once you finished opening his mouth when you held up a hand. “Use the smaller suitcase I have for your tools, alright?” He immediately closed his mouth, pouting slightly because you beat him to the point. You knew he wanted to take his tools as he loved tinkering and building things in his downtime. Whether it was his car or their instruments, it didn’t matter. That’s why it was important he took his tools.

They’d be able to get more things once they get settled in, but you weren’t sure how long it would take for them to be able to do that. That’s why you were determined to make sure they had adequate packing. You knew Killer would be fine, but it was mostly just Kid you worried about. Maybe Heat a little bit, but he’d survive.

Now that you thought about it, last time the four of you went on vacation, Wire had only brought his knitting things. Maybe you should just check everyone’s - just in case. Haha…like suitcase.

“What are you grinning at?” You looked over at your cousin, shaking your head. “Nothing.”

You closed everything up, looking at him. “Well, it’s all good to go. Guess I’ll double check and make sure you have everything in the morning.”

Kid looked at you for a moment, his expression softening slightly. “You sure you don’t wanna join the band, Bigs? You’d be able to go with us.”

Your own face softened at his sudden change of mood. “I’m positive. Stagelife isn’t for me, Tungsten.” You put your hands on your hips to face him. “You just work hard and get that big house and then I’ll move in and we’ll be one big happy fa-”

You were cut off as he suddenly hugged you tightly. You patted his back awkwardly for a moment before returning the sentiment once you fully processed what was going on. He wasn’t exactly one to show affection like this, but you weren’t about to embarrass him about it. This kind of thing could be hard.

He pulled away, sniffling and turning from you. “I’m gonna go back to cleaning out the van. Don’t bother me.” With that, he put his headphones back on and headed out of the room.

--

Heat and Wire came over a little later with their things. You checked their luggage as well, scolding them and sending them back to properly pack. Heat had barely brought anything at all and Wire had forgotten to include pants of any kind.

How they were going to survive without you - you had no idea.

You were in the garage, double checking that the equipment was properly packed up when you felt Killer slide his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Everything checking out, manager?” 

You rolled your eyes, grinning at his little joke. You turned around, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him softly. “I’d say so,” you mused. 

“I checked everyone’s luggage, the equipment, and made sure that Kid will actually have the van cleaned out by morning. Everything is going as scheduled.”

“Good. That means-” He stopped, picking you up and carrying you inside. “It’s time for bed.”

Once more, you fell into fits of laughter as he picked you up and carried you to the bedroom. It wasn’t long before the two of you settled down.

“I almost don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to miss a moment with you.” He looked at you as the two of you laid in bed, brushing his knuckle on your cheek. You smiled at him, taking his hand and kissing his palm.

“You’re always so sweet, Killi.” You shook your head. “But, you need to get plenty of rest. The lot of you have a lot of driving to do. I know Kid is taking first shift, but someone has to make sure no one gets lost.” Kid would take way too many detours and it would take them a week to get there if someone didn’t keep him focused.

“I know, I know. We’re going to try to do it all in one go. With the four of us taking turns driving, it should be relatively easy.”

“Call me as soon as you get there?”

“I’ll probably call you as soon as we leave the driveway.”

You laughed, flattered by his response. “As much as I would love that, I know it would annoy the boys. And you’re driving through plenty of dead zones, so I doubt your service will be reliable in the least.” 

He sighed, frowning deeply. “That’s true. But I’m going to text you every chance I get.”

You smiled up at him. “And I’ll answer whenever they come in, okay?”

After a few more reassurances that everything would be fine, the two of you fell asleep together for the last time.

--

The next morning, everyone was up just as the sun was peeking over the horizon. It was early. Killer was already making breakfast, you were helping everyone else pack everything into the van. It was like tetris, which you were amazing at. Everything fit like a glove when you took charge of it.

“Breakfast is ready!”

All of you headed inside, eating the hearty breakfast killer made. They needed their energy for their trip and you were just hungry.

After breakfast, you did one last check, making sure everyone had everything and everything was packed. It wasn’t like when they did shows an hour or two away and you could run something to them and they could do without. They were going to be across the damn country.

Everything was packed, loaded and ready to go. As you all walked outside, Bubblegum and Hop pulled up. They knew everyone was leaving and you were about to be alone in a large house for the first time ever so they were there for support. 

You were at the passenger side window where Killer sat, doing one last verbal checklist. “Alright, Bigs. We got everything. If you check one more time, something will end up missing on purpose.”

You held up your hands. “Fine, fine.” You looked at them, smiling. “I’m so proud of you boys, don’t forget that.” Killer smiled, gently taking your face in his hands and pulling you in for one of the most passionate kisses the two of you had ever shared. Probably the best, honestly. 

You pulled away, breathless and everything was spinning. “Make sure you call,” you mumbled against him before pressing another kiss to his lips. You felt the car begin to move, jumping back, startled.

“Tungsten!”

“Sorry, but if I let you two keep going - it’ll never end!”

You rolled your eyes, waving goodbye to them. “Drive safe! Love you! And good luck!”

Killer was leaning out of the passenger side window, looking back at you and waving as the van headed down the street. The two of you waved at each other as Bubblegum and Hop joined your side, shouting until they were out of sight.

NEXT

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

getting shit together~

day 1/50 productivity challenge

26/august/2024 - monday

no school today so yay! i don't really have anything urgent to "catch up" on but i've fallen severely behind on my own study plan. considering i don't go to any extra tuition/coaching, i need to be disciplined in my time management and hold myself accountable to the reasonable plans i made for myself. i'm not in too deep though so all i need to do now is get back on track.

🕒 10:00 a.m.

morning skincare

extended duolingo streak

cleaned out email + photo gallery

practiced playing keyboard

enough is enough with my procrastination towards studying. i mean i even watch study motivation videos on youtube instead of studying! so i just made a cup of coffee and dived straight into work.

studied psychology ch-1: what is psychology?

something to say: the ncert psychology textbook is actual nonsense. thank god for my teacher, he actually explains each concept mentioned in the textbook and so much more. if it wasn't for his classes, i don't think i would have understood literally anything in the textbook. the fact that he's most probably leaving next year is kinda making me anxious because what if the next teacher is absolute shit. this is a subject that involves lots of theory and long lectures. my current teacher is very animated in his discussions and he also involves us students too. it's never a boring class. but if the next teacher is boring i will literally start hating the class, and i don't want that to happen considering i love this subject and am actually planning on pursuing it in the future.

also akjsdfhkjashgdjkg sigmund freud, that man, istg, is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.

it really grates on my skin if my room is dusty. and that easy annoyance combined with being a maximalist who loves trinkets is not a good combination. the universe decided to make me a walking contradiction, in many areas of my life. i make it a thing to clean my room at least once every week.

cleaned my room

did a workout video (when the workout leaves you sore>>>)

i like to do the dusty and sweaty work before taking bath so that i feel clean for the rest of the day. also thank fuck my periods ended yesterday, i hate them so much ugh i never even want to be pregnant.

took bath

prepared for seminar for psychology

basically us students have to learn the 6th chapter and "teach" it to the teacher. since we're only 3 students, our teacher told us to divide the topics amongst ourselves. we're supposed to start tomorrow but my topic is probably not tomorrow since i'm doing the second part of three. i still want to start preparing. presentations always make me nervous but i know that if i'm prepared i don't do bad at all.

night skincare

🕒 12:30 a.m.

will probably get around 6 hours of sleep.

also, random warning/tip but don't trust the ai generated summary of answers that comes up first when you search anything on google. it just uses whatever phrases it can to make a coherent set of statements. but a lot of the time, it doesn't summarize correctly at all. click on the results of a legit website to at least quickly cross-check. do not take info solely from the ai tool.

[buckysforeverprincess]

Sneak Peek...

Engineer!James Bucky Barnes x Admin Assistant!Reader

Warnings: Language, angst... lots of angst

A/N: This is my first fic diving back into writing. I've got many chapter written so here's a long preview of chapter 1. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated. Please let me know what you think!

(Divider by animatedglittergraphics-n-more)

Walking into the office, you set your things down on your desk and turn on your computer, watching it slowly come to life like it has not a single care for your urgency or desire to get a jump on the day ahead. When it’s gone through its process and the apps appear you quickly pull up today’s schedule, making sure the first appointment is still set for nine, which gives you plenty of time to head downstairs for your usual order of coffee and muffins, ready to get the day going. Your boss was counting on you to make his day run smoothly and fuel was a must if you were going to keep James Buchanan Barnes afloat.

Being the Administrative Assistant of the head of engineering at Stark Industries was a dream come true, but could be at times brutal and frustrating. Thirty four year old James Barnes was a very focused but fair boss, and it was your job to keep things running smoothly behind the scenes so he could focus his energy on keeping Tony Stark happy. You loved your job and all the perks of working side by side with the man you were secretly in love and sleeping with for the past two years. 

Like all things, sleeping with your boss wasn’t anywhere on your radar and started as a ‘see what had happened was…’ kinda thing; the two of you working hard on a project, putting in late hours, both sexually frustrated with no outlet. His ruffled appearance and normally short brown hair had grown out and was dangling in his face as he looked down at his desk at the stack of papers trying to figure out the missing equation. James was a hot mess and the moment his eyes left the papers and met yours, you knew you were totally and truly fucked. Literally.

What you thought was a one time thing was anything but. James pulled you aside the next day and wanted your thoughts about having a benefits type of relationship. Neither of you had significant others and we’re both devoted to your careers leaving no time for dating or relationships. His argument made sense so you agreed and is why you’ve spent the past two years being his assistant by day and his fuck buddy by night. Such an illustrious life you lead at the ripe age of twenty-eight.

“Morning,” the deep voice says, alerting you to your boss's arrival.

“Morning, Mr. Barnes,” you politely reply from your desk, eyes watching him as he makes his way to his office. He looked good in his black suit and tie, his face sporting some stubble making him absolutely delicious. For a moment you questioned if you had forgotten to lay out his razor on your way out of the bathroom but remembered today was Wednesday and you hadn’t stayed over the night before so today’s appearance was all on him. 

There was a schedule in place for the nights you kept James company, in more ways than one. Monday, Wednesday and Thursdays were the evenings you came over and spent time with him, ultimately staying and leaving together the next morning, the man driving you both to work. Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday were the ones Barnes liked to have to himself and do whatever it was James Barnes did to keep himself happy. It was a shame you’d never find out what it was he truly found pleasure in. He was good at playing things close to his chest.

Once James was in his office, you walked over and leaned up against the doorframe, silently watching and keeping your distance while he got himself situated to begin his day. 

“Something on your mind?” Barnes asks, never once looking up from the monitor on his desk, knowing you were steadily watching him. 

Shrugging, you smile and move off the door, taking a step into his office. “I’m gonna head down to the coffee shop and grab some breakfast. Want me to get you anything?” You politely offer in your very best morning voice. 

James' blue eyes move from the screen and meet yours, his brows furrowed in question. “Didn’t you eat what I made this morning? I left you a plate when I went to shower.”

“I-uh… last night, I was-uh… at-uh my place,” you stuttered out uncomfortably. 

The brunette appeared lost in thought for a moment, his gaze fixed on you and never waivered. After what felt like minutes but were really only seconds, the man nods slowly and turns his attention back to his computer screen. “Guess there’s an uneaten plate of food on my counter then,” he says dryly and begins tapping away at his keyboard.

Sighing heavily at the apparent dismissal, you shake your head and turn around. “I’ll be back shortly,” you call over your shoulder and walk out of his office, leaving your boss to whatever had gotten into him this morning. It was too early for his shit and you could tell it was going to be an extra large coffee and two chocolate chip muffin kinda day.

🍷

“Did R & D send the file over I asked for?” James is hovering over your desk, eyes shifting through the mountain of papers, looking for said file.

Your hand gravitates to your face and pinches the bridge of your nose, the tension already building, your body responding and knowing exactly what’s about to take place in a few short seconds from now. Couldn’t he have waited until after lunch to have this conversation? Something had this man out of sorts today and knowing him, he wasn’t about to divulge to you the inner workings in his head.

“No. They said it would be ready on Friday, remember?” 

James scoffs and rubs at his face in frustration, looking more like a pouty child than a full fledged adult. “I told them I needed it by today! I have a presentation to give on Friday and we need to make sure everything is presentable to the board ahead of time!” 

Closing your eyes you inhale a sharp breath and let it out, trying to calm yourself. You know James was told he’d have the file on Friday by R & D. Hell, you even reiterated Friday when he asked you again on Monday. So, why in the love of all things holy, would he be upset about the file not being here today when he was told Friday several times by different people?! What the fuck suddenly crawled up his ass and died?!

“Mr. Barnes…,” you calmly said, standing from your chair so you can be face to face with your boss, “...what would you like me to do?” 

James’ eyes bug out and he gawks, looking like he can’t believe you even had to ask. “I want you to go fix it! You’re my assistant… assist!” 

Shaking your head you start to laugh, clearly this man has lost his mind and you weren’t about to stand for his assholish behavior. “And what, pray tell, am I supposed to do, walk down there and make them pull a file from their asses?! They said Friday. Why did you have Pepper schedule a board meeting for Friday when you didn’t have all the materials in hand prior to?”

Barnes places his hands on his hips and glares back at you, his body reeking of alpha dominance. “Are you questioning what I do?”

You opened your mouth to speak but thought better of it, quickly shutting it before something rude and snarky came out. You couldn’t add fuel to this already blazing fire, given the mood James was in he’d enjoy it and you’d get burned in the process and put a strain on your benefits arrangement.

“How ‘bout I head down to R & D and see if I can speed them along?” You give your best fake smile hoping to appease the ball of fury standing in front of you.

“Oh? You finally ready to do your job?” He cocks his head and crosses his arms to his chest. 

“What?” You look at him stunned. You never thought he’d say anything like that to you.

“I know you’re not hearing impaired so I’m pretty sure you heard me.”

Scowling, you can feel the anger building inside you, your breathing becoming faster and your face heating up. If looks could kill, James Barnes would be a dead man standing. This time his mouth has gone way to fucking far.

“I’m leaving!” You yell and storm off, needing to put some much needed distance between the two of you before things were said that couldn’t be taken back. 

“Oh!” You stopped far enough away and looked back at your asshole boss. “When I come back, whatever made residence in your ass needs to go because I refuse to put up with holier than thou Mr. James Barnes any longer!” You spun on your heels and headed for the stairs, purposely avoiding the elevator.

Stepping in the stairwell, you came to a complete stop and took in a few deep breaths, trying to regain your composure. Barnes and you had a very interesting work relationship. For the most part he was a very laid back boss, the two of you joking throughout the day, intentionally getting on each other’s nerves, sometimes acting like the two of you couldn’t stand to be around each other. Some employees actually thought you two were enemies, only tolerating each other at Stark's insistence but that wasn’t the case. The two of you got along exceptionally well and it’s why you were able to carry on the benefits relationship. You both were experts at separating work and extracurricular activities. 

Today though, today James was off. He’d forgotten you hadn’t occupied his bed last night and dismissal of you earlier this morning already had you seeing the warning signs screaming something wasn’t right. Top it off with his performance at your desk, and you knew there was something eating away at the man like acid. 

Whatever it was, he’d better find the remedy before you told him where to stick his ninety-nine problems while you enjoyed a container of Oreo mint cookie ice cream on your couch alone.

Not the end of the chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it. I appreciate all feedback. I promise there’s more to come!!

[primordialsoundmeditation]

This week’s astrology forecast: April 8th to 14th

Message for the week:

The Total Solar Eclipse in Aries, exactly conjunct the wounded healer Chiron, occurs Monday—the Aries hero myth is being eclipsed and wounded. This can bring a healing crisis to a head—will you focus on what you have lost and feelings of loss of potency? Or will you allow the cosmic eraser effect of the eclipse help you clear your energy field of that which is stagnant, no longer vital in your life? The Solar Eclipse is a New Moon, and in Aries, is a time for fresh beginnings—clear what needs to be cleared and get going!

The planets are bundled together within four consecutive signs, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries and Taurus. This compression of the planetary influences intensifies the felt sense of energy. Mars, the planet of initiating action, is conjunct restrictive Saturn this week. Although you may feel like you are driving with the brakes on, this is very supportive of purposful self-discipline.

Some people may wake up with a heavy feeling for no particular reason—Pisces is susceptible to collective emotions and the is a heavy time on our planet for many. I have a practice I call “Feel it, Bless it, Release it” when I feel collective pain and suffering. Compassionate people feel the suffering of others, but it is not healthy to carry it. Crudely said, two drowning people aren’t better than one. Thus, feel the heaviness in your gut, pull it up to your heart and be compassionate for all the suffering in the world—and then release it with a blessing through your crown chakra. Its like being a psychic emotional laundromat for the world!

Monday: The Total Solar Eclipse in Aries occurs at 11:21 AM PST. This Eclipse is exactly conjunct Chiron and Mercury Retrograde. This can bring up old wounds that need to be eclipsed to move forward with the Aries, “just begin again” fresh energy.

Tuesday: The Moon enters strong willed Taurus, and you may feel a stubborn resistance to jumping into the day, with an agitating square to shadowy Pluto in the early morning. However, with no other aspects throughout the day, a smooth day unfolds. You should be able to tend to things at your own comfortable pace.

Wednesday: Mars (action) is conjunct responsible Saturn today, excellent for focused, disciplined activity, but not favorable for pushing at life. The Moon is in determined Taurus sextile to this conjunction, while also forming a triple conjunction with Jupiter and Uranus. This could be a hugely productive and fortunate day.

Thursday: A mentally bright, engaging and stimulating day with the energizing Sun conjunct Mercury (the mind). The Moon also enters mentally active Gemini in harmony to both deep-diving Pluto and friendly Venus, adding magnetism to this day for getting together with others and exchanging ideas.

Friday: You may feel like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed with the Moon in an irritating square to the Mars/Saturn conjunction this morning. However, a lively and engaging day unfolds with the Moon in curiosity-driven Gemini and moving into harmony with the triple conjunction of the Sun, Mercury, and Chiron.

Saturday: You may feel a little dazed, confused, or just plain spacey, with the Moon starting the day in a distracting square to illusionary Neptune. You will settle into yourself by midmorning when the Moon enters deep feeling Cancer—time to drop out of your mind and honor your gut feelings.

Sunday: Your sweet tooth may be activated this morning with the Moon in yummy-loving Cancer activated by sugary Venus. The Moon moves into a supportive trine with the Mars/Saturn conjunction, making for a good day for projects around the house.

May the stars be with you!

David Pond in Reno May 17th - 22nd

For a talk and Astrology consultations

I will be in Reno next month, giving a talk at Laura Benedict's and available for astrology readings while I am in town.

Upcoming Astrology Cycles: 2024 and Beyond Saturday, May 18th 6:00 - 7:30 $20

626 Humbolt Street, Reno

Call Lorna at 775-322-7438 for reservations

Consultations. If you would like to schedule an astrology reading, while I am in Reno, call Laurie at 360-918-8411, or email her at dpond11@gmail.com and she will help you make the arrangements.

Hope to see you soon!

David

Donations: Although these weekly updates are free, if you would like to support the newsletter with a donation, go to my website and click the “Donate” button on the menu. You can donate in increments of $5. You can also donate through Venmo: David-Pond-17 If you would like to send a check, contact us for our mailing address. Thanks for your support!

Consultations: I am available for consultations if you would like to see how your astrology chart can help you connect with your true self, explore your life’s purpose, better understand relationships, find your right vocation, or to align with current astrological influences. Contact us by email, phone, or through the “Services” tab on our website, to set up a session.

Email: Dpond11@gmail.com

Website: Davidpond.com

Phone: 360-918-8411

[whatiwillsay]

🚨SURPRISE IT'S LISTENER APPRECIATION WEEK🚨

Good morning WIWS Nation, I'm excited to announce today is the launch of our second annual listener appreciation week!

"What is listener appreciation week?" you might ask. As a sign of my undying appreciation to the listeners of this podcast and members of the WIWS community, I like to do a surprise week once a year or so to flood you guys with TONS of extra content and other fun promotions during the week! I am so immensely grateful that you guys have enabled me to foster such a wonderful space for nosy gays that sometimes I just have to show you guys with a big bang! Here are some details you need to know!

First things first! I am opening up the Secret Sessions Discord to Ashley Avignone Patrons and up for the week! We have had to close it due to some trolling for the past six months and it's getting so big keeping it safely modded has become a bit of a concern. But we're going to open it to Ashley+ Patrons for the next week and let you guys get grandfathered into it before we close it for a while to keep the size of it under control. It *will* probably be opened up again sometime in the future but it may be only open to higher tiers to again keep the population under control and able to be safely modded. If you want to join it during this special open period simply link your Patreon account to Discord by following these directions.

Secondly HUGE FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENT! Not to bury the lead sorry I didn't want anyone to miss the discord announcement BUT ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND GABRIELLA ARE STARTING A PODCAST AND IT LAUNCHES TODAY! It's called Stay at Home Girlfriends and it's a podcast where you can listen in to get advice from your cool gay aunties! Episode 1 is up NOW and you can listen on Spotify! (More apps coming soon)

and follow our socials here:

Instagram

Tiktok

Tumblr

OK BUT FOR REAL THOUGH HERE'S THE AMAZING CONTENT SCHEDULE FOR THE WEEK!

Sunday, August 27th (LIVE NOW!) - Cara joins me on the Patreon for a State of the Gaylor Union. We catch up on all the latest Taylor news including some more convo about Karlie at the Eras Tour, the latest Toe gossip we've heard, and go through all the ships with a brief update on how we feel about them.

Monday, August 28th (LIVE NOW!) - Gabriella joins me on the main pod to go through my original Swiftgron master post! That's right! All this week and into the next couple weeks we'll be covering the best timeline of them all!

AND (LIVE NOW!) Gabriella also joins me on Patreon to do a juicy oversharing Q&A about our relationship!

Tuesday, August 29th - Torry from Ready to be Petty joins me on the Patreon to deep dive into the dark world of Jon & Kate Plus 8!

Wednesday, August 30th - Gabbie joins me again on the main pod to continue our trek through the Swiftgron Timeline!

Thursday, August 31st - Jenna from Date Card Pod joins me on Patreon to catch up on pop culture and check in and see how we're doing with our 2023 pop culture predictions and 2023 resolutions!

Friday, September 1st - Gabbie joins me again on the main pod for more Swiftgron Timeline goodness!

Saturday, September 2nd - Shannon from Fluently Forward joins me on Patreon to catch up on Taylor, Gaylor, and pop culture hot takes!

Sunday, September 3rd - The discord community will remain linked to the Patreon until midnight on this day!

I hope y'all are as excited as I am for THREE main pod episodes and FIVE Patreon episodes this week!!! And I genuinely, truly hope you guys feel the love from me! We have our ups and downs and nobody is perfect, certainly not me. But that doesn't stop me from being SO HUGELY AND IRREVOCABLY GRATEFUL, THANKFUL, AND APPRECIATIVE to all of you for being a part of this weird but amazing little Evidence Based Gossip community!

Remember! You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. 💙

[contentment-of-cats]

I take a deep breath because I can.

Edited: They have found a debris field near the Titanic.

Mortality is never far from a cancer patient's mind. We all die, cancer or no cancer, fairly or unfairly. The universe is the universe and keeps on going whatever the big, beautiful, horrifying, and deadly universe keeps on doing. It's not my mortality that I've been thinking about the past few days, though it's never far from my mind. It's about five people I didn't know.

People hate death. It gets in the way of the happy endings that we've been spoon-fed over decades. We want to see happy endings, see absolute miracles, so much that we won't agree that there is a line where Happy Ending Land stops and reality begins. The media is complicit and people dwell in denial to the point where it's psychosis.

CNN is my case in point this morning.

If that submarine did not have a catastrophic hull failure on Sunday morning, there are now five bodies on a garage-built unclassed, uninspected, 'experimental' submarine on the floor of the ocean. The iar is gone, the battery power is gone, they are breathing in each other's carbon dioxide, hungry, thirsty, hypothermic,in the absolute dark. Billionaire hatred aside, I cannot think of a more horrible way to die nor anyone I would ever wish it on - the same way I would never wish cancer on anyone. I am walking the measured mile, these folks were locked in and dropped down. The fact that people signed an extensive multi-page waiver to board this thing makes me scream in horror.

One thing nobody wants to talk about on TV is the very real probability that one hour and forty-five minutes into it's dive, the sub experienced catastrophic hull failure and crushed down to something the size of a Weber kettle grill. All the air would have been pushed out of every component, including the humans inside. It would have taken a couple of seconds at that depth, just fifteen minutes from the bottom and the wreck of the Titanic. Apparently losing contact with the sub happened often enough that it was not reported until eight hours later. That is the best case scenario. A better case would be that they find it, bring it up to the surface, and show people the actual real consequences of hubris and stupidity.

Worst case is that they hung on in the dark, in the cold, hearing rescuers above them as they died this morning.

Their friends are saying that they could still be alive. These men were experienced adventurers, they would know how to conserve oxygen. The FFS section of this post begins below with OceanGate's co-founder talking to CNN.

While life support supplies are now believed to be running low, a co-founder of the company that operates the missing Titanic submersible says he believes the crew's expertise will extend the "window available" for rescue. Guillermo Söhnlein made the comments in a statement to CNN. He specified her was speaking on behalf of himself and not the company, OceanGate. He said OceanGate CEO and co-founder Stockton Rush — who is aboard the sub — and the rest of the crew would have "realized days ago that the best thing they can do to ensure their rescue is to extend the limits of those supplies by relaxing as much as possible." Based on the crew members' expertise, the "window available" for rescue is longer than "what most people think," Söhnlein said. Thursday will be a "critical day in this search and rescue mission," he added. "I continue to hold out hope for my friend and the rest of the crew," Söhnlein said. "I would encourage everyone to remain hopeful for getting the crew back safely."

This is fucking nutty. This is denial. Nobody wants to think that corporate hubris killed five people including the co-founder, engineers deal in reality. These people are dead. You can't spin dead. You can't wish away dead. Dead is the hardest, coldest fact of all and one of the hardest to live with, whether it's yours or someone else's.

Side note. On Monday it will have been a month since my mom's death. I knew it was coming either from dementia or COPD. The stroke moved it up. Nobody, including her doctors, saw it coming. There was no high blood pressure, her vascular health was excellent. With directives in place, she was as comfortable as possible. I remind myself that hemipaleigic, with dementia, and COPD would have been the ultimate cruelty. I still get the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I can't. Death is the hardest reality.

Next is a friend of two of the men in the sub.

“I know that the adventurers on board are experienced, very experienced,” said Per Wimmer, an adventurer who was previously signed up for two canceled trips on the Titan. Wimmer is an acquaintance of Hamish Harding and Stockton Rush, two of the five people on the missing vessel. He said Harding, a British businessman and trained jet pilot, and Rush, the CEO and founder of the company leading the voyage, are both very experienced adventurers who would know to conserve oxygen. “They would no doubt know what it means to slow down, take it easy, and use as little oxygen as possible, and therefore extend the potential timeline as much as possible," he added. Wimmer said that the presence of OceanGate CEO Stockton Rush on board the vessel is helpful, as he knows “the ins and outs of how this submersible works.”

Again, the Bulletproof Fallacy is at work. "I have never been shot, therefore I am bulletproof."

They've deployed a medical team with a specialty in dive medicine and equipped with hyperbaric oxygen chambers. There is hope, yes, and then there is acceptance that the ocean is as merciless as space. It is hostile to our life form in that if our artificial environment is breached, we can't continue to live.

They've found a debris field. It may or may not be part of the 1912 wreck.

[moonpiemoonshine]

Don’t be Sorry pt.2

(A iron claw fanfic)

Time seemed to slow for Kevin. He would run up to her fence post every morning hoping and praying to see her. But he never did. It was always some random man he had never met taking care of her horses. Not getting to kiss or even see Hazel in the morning made it seem like his day never started. The long slow days turned into long slow weeks and led into long slow months. Kevin kept his mind occupied with wrestling. Diving head deep into the training and matches.

Kevin found comfort in his brothers. They provided him with a good enough distraction from Hazel. Kevin never wanted to forget about Hazel. Even though that is what his brothers and parents wanted him to do. Kevin liked to think he was just waiting for her to come back from a vacation. He kept hope because after the first month Hazel was gone she had sent him a postcard. This made him happy because it solidified the idea of her still thinking about him.

Every day Kevin prayed for a tour in California. He didn’t care if it was a beneficial match or not. He just wanted to see Hazel's face. But unknowing to Kevin his father avoided the California matches like the plague. It was a late night and it was just David and his father talking in the kitchen.

“So there was a guy in Cali askin’ to wrestle Kev. You gonna take him up on that offer” David asked, his mouth full of food. His father scoffed at the question and answered.

“God knows that boy doesn’t need to be goin’ to California” his answer made David cock a curious brow.

“What do you mean? It’s not like those boys down there ain’t no good” David was curious about his fathers response leaning in closer to his dad.

“If he goes down there he’ll be looking for that girl. She’s not good enough for my boy. She’ll only hurt him” he grumbled and spoke in a low tone as to not have any eavesdroppers overhear.

“What! She was amazin’ dad. Didn’t you like her? I’d think seein’ her would put our Kev back in a better position” David tried to argue with his fathers claim. Now in disbelief that his father would say such things.

“She’s not loyal. She had the choice to stay here with Kevin and she didn’t. Why should he stick around for her if she ain’t gonna do the same” he started to get more and more riled up the longer he talked about her.

“Dad. You’re bein’ unreasonable. She gotta take care of her family. If Kevin was in that situation he’d do the same thing” David protested trying to reason with his father but this reply sent him over the edge. Jack slammed his palm onto the table and barked at David.

“She had a good-for-nothing brother that would have cared for her! She abandoned my son! End of discussion” he stormed off into the deep emptiness of their home.

David sat in awe. He didn’t know his father felt this way about Hazel. He wanted to tell Kevin but he knew this would cause a rift between his brother and father. David sat at the now empty table conflicted. Decisions battling in his head, he wanted the best for his brother but also the best for the family. David thought for the time being he’d keep quiet. It’d be sooner or later before Kevin found out the truth.

Kevin had started to rely on the mailbox. Every Monday evening he’d check the mailbox. Hoping and waiting for a letter or postcard. It would be his new routine. If she wasn’t in the pasture in the morning there was hope for something in the mail.

Hazel had only sent postcards once a month. She’d write very little. Just that she was okay and that she missed him. She’d never give him updates on her mother. Slowly once a month turned to once every other month, then once in a few months, to only on the holidays.

After about two years of her sending postcards and letters she had just abruptly stopped. Kevin didn’t want to think the worst so he just believed she was too busy and something had come up. With her lack of communication Kevin started to go full time wrestling mode with his father now that he was out of highschool.

Kevin’s brothers were there to be his net. They kept him busy. They fully leaned into him being the caretaker brother. Letting Kevin step in and take care of them and their problems. Kevin slowly through the course of time kevin had ever so slightly started to forget what Hazel acted like. Then he forgot what she sounded like. Then finally he had forgotten what she looked like. He had busier himself so much with his family and wrestling. Giving himself a busy schedule and distracting lifestyle he slowly etched Hazel out of his thoughts. Think of her as a small fleeting girl that he had a small fling with.

“So Kev. You hear from you know who?” David asked while driving out to a party with Kevin. They all seemed to change their mannerisms about Hazel. Trying to not get Kevin’s hopes up by saying her name. They treated her like a taboo word, a thing too controversial to even utter its name.

“Oh no. She must’ve just moved on, living her own life there now” Kevin replied quietly. He was still in the stage of acceptance about it. But she still is a tender topic to him.

“Have you moved on brother?” He asked his question being much more sincere, wanting to try to break through to his brother.

“Me. Oh yeah. It was just a fling. No need for me to get wrapped up with a girl I only knew for a few months” Kevin said, masking his doubt and sadness with a tone of confidence and composure.

“Well brother there’s a load of girls here who’d kill for a chance with you. So don’t linger on the past” David cheered putting Kevin in lighter spirits.

It had been around three years since Hazel stopped writing and five years since she had left. There was no sense of lingering for her anymore to Kevin. She was just a faint memory, a ghost in his past. Even with this he had made the habit of always running by her post but he never thought of her anymore when running by it. He checked the mail but thought of doing it for his family instead of her.

It has been the start of spring. It was still cold in the morning. There was a small fog in the air but even with these conditions Kevin went out on his run. He followed his usual path. He had made a habit of putting his head down when passing her pasture so as to not get his hopes up. He knew he was close to the fence post because the grass seems healthier by her pasture. It was a quiet morning. All he could hear was his heavy breathing, feet stepping on the grass. His thoughts were clouded with thoughts and plans of the day. But as if everything had come to a stop, it was silent and all he heard is a soft.

“Look at you, such a pretty girl” the voice was tender and loving. Because of the distance it was quiet. He hadn’t thought of her voice in ages. But the moment the last syllable escaped her lips he finally remembered whose voice it had belonged to.

Kevin stopped dead in his tracks and turned to the fence post he had refused to look at for years. Through the fog he almost hoped it was that man who had been there but it wasn’t. Through the faint fog he could see her. Hazel standing and holding her horse's head in her hands. She had changed. Her hair was lighter from the sun, skin tanner and she was brown taller. Kevin couldn’t believe his eyes. It was really her. She seemed almost like a myth to him. For the first time ever his legs shook from his run. He stumbled to the fence post. He looked out at her like she was a rare animal at a zoo. He just observed.

Hazel knew Kevin was there. She could hear him running past. She was surprised he kept up running by her pasture. She almost hoped he did stop. She never thought she’d get this far. Hazel was scared to look away from her horse. She didn’t wanna believe it was real. After what felt like hours she finally turned her head to the side to glance at Kevin.

When they locked eyes it was like they both turned into deer in headlights. They didn’t know what to do. They each waited for the other to do something. After a few minutes Kevin finally thought of something to say.

“You’re back” is all he could muster, his voice quivering.

“Yeah… I didn’t think I’d be gone that long. Hazel's voice is small and quiet. Guilt wrecked her entire being.

“What. What did I do wrong” Hazel wanted to cry, hearing the hurt in his voice. She had finally broken from her closeness to her horse and stumbled herself to the fence.

“Nothing!” She accidentally cried out but quickly dropped her head to hide her sorrowful face, and continued more composed, “you did nothing wrong Kev. It was just- it was all me. My-“ Hazel choked on her words. She felt so guilty she felt like she was gonna be sick, “my mother died… and I just- I just couldn’t leave her.” Kevin was frozen. He thought this was the outcome, but he was still saddened knowing now how true it was.

“Hazel. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you went through.” Kevin was understanding and he wanted to reach out and comfort her but he didn’t know if he could.

“I’m sorry Kevin. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you” Hazel started to break. She kept her head down to hide the tears. Kevin was quick to tell she was crying and was crippling with guilt.

“No, no, no Hazel please. Don’t be sorry. You did nothing. It’s alright” Kevin lifted her head to face his. He rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs trying to reassure and comfort her.

“I abandoned you… I promised I’d come back” Hazel had shut her eyes not being able to face Kevin.

“And look at you. You came back” Kevin said softly and sweetly, causing her to flutter her eyes open to look up at Kevin. Seeing a soft genuine smile on his face causes a little smile to creep on hers.

To Hazel it felt like old times when looking at Kevin like this. Even though things have changed so much. Kevin was much taller and bigger muscular wise. His hair was shaggy and better kept short. His skin had been much more bronze then the last time she saw him. She wanted to kiss him so bad, but she knew it wasn’t a good idea. After calming down after a while she pulled herself away from Kevin.

“Thank you for understanding Kev. I’m happy to see you again” she said softly with a smile.

“You don’t understand how much I missed your voice. I’m glad you’re finally home” Kevin’s voice slightly shook. He softly caressed her face. She was pulling him in, just like the first time he saw her.

“I am too. I missed you Kev” she whispered leaning deeper into his touch.

“I missed you too Hazel. You don’t even know” Kevin replied and was slowly leaning closer to her. He wanted to kiss her so bad but he didn’t know if it was okay to do.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” She started feeling the distance between them. She so desperately wanted his lips on hers but she’s almost scared to.

“You won’t. If you’re not gonna leave again you won’t. Please Hazel I want you back” Kevin whines quietly. He couldn’t help himself. He was overrun with emotions. He couldn’t bear to even think about being angry with her.

“I’m not going anywhere” she ended with a small smile.

This was all the confirmation Kevin needed. He was quick but gentle when first kissing the girl. He couldn’t help but be needy while kissing her. He had needed and pleaded for her to come back to him and in this moment she was. The kiss was long, almost like they didn't need to breathe. Not feeling close enough she broke away from the kiss momentarily and swiftly climbed over the fence. Kevin had quickly wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as possible, continuing the kiss. A giggle started to escape Hazel's lips. Every time she tried to break away from the kiss Kevin would just pull her back in. Her laugh soon infected Kevin and he let out a small chuckle of his own

(Stay tuned for part 3 🥰)

[noa-ciharu]

Hi (again 😂),

Since you seem to know TB/X characters well, maybe you could do a deep dive psychological personality test kinda thingy as to how a person is like depending on their fav TB/X character 😄

Hi :D idk how to make a quiz rly but I can do this:

What your fave TB/X character says about you:

Kamui - you see a cat on street and lose all braincells

Good boy Fuuma - no.1 fluff BL fan and I want 2k essay on desk by Monday morning

Subaru - you eat angst for breakfast and have water sign in sun or moon

Yuzuriha - you're either most cheerful person ever or most gloomy person ever that could use some joy. Alternatively no.1 dog lover would fight a cat lover on street

Sorata - biggest fan of crack fics and/or would kill for bf like that

Arashi - you're fan of shojo cold girl gets a cheerful bf trope and slow burn. Alternatively you're gay and want her to step on you

Kanoe - you're definitely gay and want her to step on you

Hinoto - please stop lying to yourself

Karen - you have a great taste and/or aspire to be wine aunt one day

Aoki - X is probably your first clamp manga so you latched onto dude with stable relationships and common sense

Keiichi - big fan of good guys score sometimes

Nataku - you aren't cis and defo want their gender

Kakyou - no.1 Kakoyin fan

Kusanagi - no.1 dilf fan

Toru or Tokiko Magami - no.1 milf fan

Antichrist Fuuma - all your favorite pieces of media are on hiatus older than you are. Also you have good taste

Hokuto - you're a hardcore seisub shipper

Kotori - you noticed how girls get treated in shonen and haven't recovered ever since. Alternatively you want her style like I do

Satsuki - you're a loner and forever lamenting there's was no sexy 3some in X

Yuuto - you're kinky and forever lamenting there was no sexy 3some in X

Seishirou - TB vol7 shattered your soul in pieces and you've been trying to recover ever since by prying this man's mental gymnastic apart but in process realized he's just a dumbess and thought that was cute

[n0t-1nt3r3st1ng]

Vulture!Wednesday AU Part - 10

Monday morning arrived, and as Wednesday Addams reflected, she realized a grave mistake had been made. People were watching her, whispering behind her back when they thought she couldn't hear, and sometimes even when they knew she could. Strangely, not all the whispers were negative, which added to the intrigue. Deciding to brush it off, she carried on with her day, though it was frustrating to deal with the opinions of the remaining club members about what had transpired.

Xavier continuously pestered her about her well-being and advised her to stay away from "Normies," while Beany Boy complimented her, finding her demeanor "cool." Eugene, thankfully, had remained silent, sparing her from yet another unsolicited opinion. Little did she know that the magnitude of her error would soon be revealed during Bianca's shift.

"Good morning, afternoon, or evening, dear listeners, depending on when and where you are tuning in! Welcome to 'Undercurrent Trends', the radio show where we dive deep into the mysterious depths of what's trending. I'm your host, and together, we'll explore the currents shaping our ever-changing world," Bianca presented her program. "Today, we have someone truly remarkable joining us – you might have already seen her, as she made waves on the Internet. I'm talking, of course, about one of our fellow students here at Nevermore, Wednesday Addams!"

Wednesday's eyes widened, her heart sinking as Bianca gestured for her to come forward. If looks could kill, the glare Wednesday shot at Bianca would've wiped out her entire bloodline. The siren smiled as Kent brought a chair and a pair of headsets for Wednesday, who reluctantly put them on.

The setup for the studio was simple. A table, microphone, a couple of chairs, and a console in the middle connected to the DJ's table near them.

"Thank you, Bianca. It's good to be here," Wednesday replied, trying to maintain her composure.

"Wednesday, let's get right into it. You claim that you were acting in self-defense, but many believe your actions were extreme. Wouldn't you agree at least that you took it too far?" Bianca inquired.

"I claim nothing," Wednesday replied firmly.

"Well, you might not, but the response to the video of your attack has certainly divided the public's opinion," Bianca continued. "Some are calling you a criminal, others are saying you didn't do enough. What do you think?"

"Considering the seriousness of the threat, I calibrated my response accordingly," Wednesday replied, choosing her words carefully.

"Did you?" Bianca took out a piece of paper and began reading. "A broken kneecap, injured throat, second-degree burns, and a shattered ankle, how did you assess the level of force used?"

"I based myself on the experiences I, as an Outcast like yourself, have endured."

"And that's how you justify those injuries? Aren't you worried how this might be seen by the rest of the city or how it might reflect on the rest of your schoolmates? Schoolmates who can, in turn, take your actions as a sign that it's okay to injure the rest of the citizens?"

"If any student or teacher in Nevermore had ever felt the urge to attack a Normie under any circumstance they would've done so already," Wednesday replied firmly. "In the same way some of the Normies have already done so to Outcasts over the centuries."

"So you say we're better then."

"I say this: me and two other schoolmates decided to go to a cafe, one owned by Normies and operated by them. The trio who came didn't come for us but for the barista, a fellow Normie," Wednesday explained, her voice steady. "When one of my schoolmates decided to step in to help, the trio attacked their prey. I have encountered this behavior before: predators toying with their prey. For the sake of my schoolmate as well as the barista and the rest of the patrons, I disarmed the situation. Whether you believe my methods were too extreme or not, I don't care. My schoolmates were safe, and the barista was spared any more damage to himself."

"How magnanimous of you."

"You think this is about my ego, but it's not. Personally, I'm indifferent about the relation between the two groups. My actions aren't a reflection of every Outcast who exists, but my own," Wednesday continued, her tone resolute. "What mattered most was that someone, regardless of their background, was in distress and required help. In those critical moments, my schoolmate and I instinctively responded to the situation. We didn't contemplate the potential repercussions or the opinions of others."

"And yet, opinions have risen. Why don't we listen to a few of our callers?" Bianca replied and Kent cut the microphones and started playing some music.

"What are you planning?" Wednesday asked as the music began.

"I'm giving people what they want, discussing the hot topics of the day... business as usual," Bianca offered a smile so sweet it could have been mistaken for genuine. "Now pay attention, the phones are ringing."

Wednesday rarely regretted her decisions, but right now she had two: setting up the radio to transmit online and to receive phone calls. Proficiency in one's job shouldn't be punished, at least not her.

"Hello and welcome to 'Undercurrent Trends,' what's on your mind?" Bianca pressed a button on the console, and a middle-aged man's voice sounded in their headset. Wednesday steeled her resolve; whatever game Bianca was trying to play, she refused to be a part of it.

"Yeah, I just want to know what gives you the right to use your powers on a bunch of kids being kids," the man said.

"My powers aren't of the physical variety, and those 'kids,' as you called them, are old enough to know assault is a crime," Wednesday replied before Bianca had the chance to start.

"Bullshit!"

"If your scale of power is based on bone fractures, it's a woefully limited perspective. What I did can be accomplished by any human being without the help of supernatural crutches," Wednesday replied.

"Yeah, right, why don't I go to your school of freaks and test if you break too, freak?"

"If you're as strong as you're articulate, I'll have to clear my schedule for the rest of the month. Next." Wednesday pressed the button on the console, and the call ended.

Bianca stared at her with a mix of surprise and amusement before pressing another button.

"Hello and welcome to 'Undercurrent Trends,' what's on your mind?"

"Why do you people have to go around causing trouble?" This time the voice belonged to a young-sounding woman.

"What you call trouble is the fight of those who don't fit in the definition of 'normal' by a small minority in positions of power who have the delusion of being the arbiters of what's good and bad based solely on their feelings. Focus on living your lives, and we'll do the same. Next." Wednesday ended the call.

"'Undercurrent Trends,'" Bianca said as she left the call to continue.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" This time the voice was younger, almost prepubescent.

"I took lessons. Next."

One by one, Wednesday attended to every call, countering any hostility with a composed and brief response. Bianca eventually relinquished her active role, opting to relax in her chair, radiating smug satisfaction as she enjoyed the show. Despite her intentions, Wednesday's patience was gradually eroding due to one insidious question after another.

"Why do you people run around like you deserve to be here? You don't contribute to society, just walking around asking we make exceptions for you. My family has served this country for years, ever since the First World War. What have any of you done for us?" The voice of a middle-aged man barked at her.

"We don't advertise ourselves because until the product of the Strategic Scientific Reserve known as Captain America came to be, using our abilities tended to attract mobs of ignorant, overzealous cretins who'd kill them or worse. Even though vampires assisted the Allies during the second world war."

"What?!"

"Next time you go to celebrate your heroes, ask Captain America about the alliance with the Kingdom of the Night to protect the allies from night raids. The government didn't just make deals with the mafia at the time." Upon hearing the answer, the man made a vague noise. Even Bianca was left with her mouth slightly open in surprise.

Wednesday smiled as she stared into Bianca. Her hand slowly reached the button as she savored the moment.

"Next."

"What's the difference between Outcasts and superheroes?" A small child asked.

"We were here first. Next," came the reply.

"If you are such good guys, why don't you help with all the supercrime? Like with the Spider?" The speaker's voice lacked clear gender markers, leaving me guessing whether it was a man or a woman speaking.

"Super crime, as you so eloquently put it, has been a bunch of criminals getting their hands on technology derived from the alien invasion. And as for this, what did you say, Spider? What crimes have been committed that have you crying for justice?" Wednesday replied.

"She's a vigilante!" the voice shouted.

"Has her actions brought any damage to everyday people? Granted, I'm not one to indulge in the cesspit that is social media, but I have yet to hear a single thing about this 'vigilante'. Bianca, you know more than me about this, what has the Spider done lately?" She turned to see Bianca as if suddenly pulled by an invisible string, straightened her back, and sat with newfound composure.

"Oh, uhm." Wednesday didn't even try to hide her satisfaction as Bianca struggled to get her phone and scrolled by the news. "The Spider, she... just stopped the robbery of an armored truck."

"Good for her," Wednesday shrugged.

"So the outcasts are with the heroes?"

"Why not?" Wednesday replied. "Captain America isn't a member of the army anymore, Iron Man certainly isn't. Hulk and the other two who were there when the invasion started? If to support them is to support vigilantes then, yes, we are."

"That's not the same! I'm from San Francisco and everyone knows the Spider paid the people who robbed those places to appear as the hero!"

"Then give me evidence. Hard evidence. Give me the confession of one of those robbers in court, under oath, claiming such was the case. Can you provide that? Or give me a link to where I can see and hear the person confessing their affiliation?"

Silence.

"Then stop wasting my time and everyone else's. Next."

But no new call came, instead music began to play. Both girls turned to Kent but instead found Weems, panting and puffing, sweat glistening on her forehead as she tried to calm her breath after what seemed to be a vigorous run.

"My office. Now." Weems panted.

And so, Wednesday and Bianca trailed Weems all the way to her office, the bustle of students scattering in their wake. Despite being unable to see her face, it was evident that the Headmaster was not in an amicable mood. With a forceful gesture, she ushered the pair into her office and slammed the door shut. The sharp sound made Bianca flinch, but Wednesday noticed something peculiar – the landline phone on the desk appeared to have been torn out, not by a bladed instrument, but by sheer force.

Weems sat behind her desk, attempting to create the illusion of inner peace, but her facade was visibly cracking even before she spoke her first word.

"Well, that was quite a segment you two made, didn't you?" Weems struggled to keep her composure, resisting the urge to scream at them with every word she uttered. "It certainly brought some attention."

Wednesday replied.

Weems lips pressed into a small line it almost looked as her mouth had disappeared.

"Headmaster." Bianca began but Weems raised a finger at her and she shut up.

"Why did you think revealing the fact the government already knew about us and the deals made in history was a good idea?" Weems asked, her eyes going from one girl to the other. She continued before any of them could reply. "Do you have any idea the number of phone calls I received after you said that? The number of conspiracy nuts, the reporters from those little newspapers no one buys claiming 'an alien stole my husband's skin'? Or perhaps the one from the Black Court from Wallachia itself?"

"I was trying to help defuse the situation, Headmaster." Bianca smiled nervously. "I had no idea she would hijack the show!"

"If by 'defuse' you mean left me to answer phone calls without asking for my consent, then yes, that's what you did." Wednesday replied without sparing a glance at Bianca. "You're missing the point."

"And what, pray tell, it's the 'point'." Weems fumed.

"You said it before, Normies hate us. They hate us because across their history we've been the unknown, the thing they threaten their children to behave with. It's a mathematical equation: a subject not fully understood plus fear of the unknown leads to panic, mistrust and violence." Wednesday replied, her tone became more intense with each moment.

"You revealed, on air, that their government has lied to them. You cannot imagine the repercussions this will bring onto this school" Weems leaned over her desk as if she was about to jump at Wednesday's throat.

"Then let's use it to our advantage. They know the story their government told them, now you can tell them our side. You could bring representatives and give lectures to all the Normies who want to hear and they'll spread their views to others. You can make us more 'human' in their eyes"

Weems seethed in anger and slammed her fist on the table.

"You just pulled that out of your ass." Weems pointed her finger at Wednesday. "You can call it whatever you want, try to make it sound as logical as you want but I know this wasn't why you did it. Why either of you did it. Lucky for you, not all calls and messages were cries to kill us on sight. Some were actually interested in what you said. Not many, but some. So your little idea you just did might have some use for the school."

Wednesday smiled satisfied.

"I want a full proposal on my desk by the end of the week. Now get out."

Knowing not to kick the hornet's nest anymore, the girls left the office as swiftly as they could.

"Did you really just come up with that?" Bianca asked as she closed the office's door.

Wednesday ignored her and walked back to the tower, only stopping when a buzzing on her pocket told her Thing had sent her a message. She took her phone, a small flip phone from a company that still produced them and looked at the message.

She had a schedule now. Once every two weeks, the cars would move back and forth between those tracks carrying their precious cargo.

Her only two distractions were a proposal for Weems and a stream at the Weathervane. Easy enough. But first, she'd have to gather information on how to rob a train. It was time to perform her first séance in her new home.

[relationshipreboot]

Introduction Picture this: It's Monday morning, and your inbox is exploding with emails. Meetings are stacked back-to-back, and you're already feeling the weight of your responsibilities. Amidst the chaos, you realize that your mind is racing, your heart is pounding, and you're struggling to focus. Sound familiar? This is a common scenario in today’s fast-paced professional environment. Many executives and professionals find themselves overwhelmed, unable to connect with the present moment. The key to overcoming this mental clutter lies in mastering executive mindfulness—a powerful approach that fosters clarity, focus, and resilience. In this article, we will unravel ten effective tips that will help you cultivate executive mindfulness. You’ll learn practical strategies to enhance your focus, manage stress, and improve decision-making—all while fostering a deeper connection with yourself and those around you. Understanding the Core Issue Before we dive into practical mindfulness strategies, let's unpack the core issues surrounding executive mindfulness. What is Executive Mindfulness? Executive mindfulness refers to a heightened awareness of thoughts, feelings, and surroundings as they arise, allowing leaders to respond rather than react. Why Is It Important? Stress Reduction: Mindfulness can lower stress levels, which is essential for effective leadership. Improved Decision-Making: Mindful leaders can evaluate their options more clearly. Enhanced Focus: Mindfulness training increases overall concentration and clarity. Statistics to Ponder: According to a study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, a mere eight weeks of mindfulness training can significantly reduce stress and improve overall psychological well-being. The American Psychological Association reported that mindfulness can lead to a 23% reduction in anxiety. These findings underline the importance of incorporating mindfulness into your professional repertoire. Now, let’s explore ten practical tips to help you master executive mindfulness today. Practical Tips and Strategies 1. Start with Your Breath Overview: Your breath is a powerful anchor for mindfulness. Actionable Tip: Regularly practice deep breathing exercises. A simple technique is to inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. Example: Set a reminder on your phone three times a day to take a minute to focus on your breath. This can help center your thoughts and reduce anxiety before diving into a crucial meeting. 2. Create a Mindful Morning Routine Overview: Routines set the tone for the day. Actionable Tip: Begin each day with a brief mindfulness practice. This could include meditation, stretching, or simply sipping your coffee in silence. Example: Consider Sarah, a marketing executive who struggled with morning anxiety. By dedicating the first 15 minutes of her day to meditation, she now enters her workday clearer-minded and more focused. 3. Practice Active Listening Overview: Paying full attention during conversations fosters connection. Actionable Tip: Make a conscious effort to listen without formulating a response while the other person is speaking. Example: Mark, a project manager, found that when he actively listened during team meetings, it not only helped him understand his colleagues better but also fostered a culture of openness. 4. Schedule Mindfulness Breaks Overview: Taking breaks is essential for maintaining focus over long periods. Actionable Tip: Set aside time throughout your day for brief mindfulness breaks. Just a few minutes of stretching, walking, or meditative breathing can make a big difference. Example: Consider Jack, an operations director who carved out 10 minutes after lunch each day for a walk around the block. This small change re-energized him and improved his afternoon productivity. 5. Embrace Mindful Technology Use Overview: Technology can be a double-edged sword; use it wisely.

Actionable Tip: Limit notifications on your devices and designate specific times to check emails and messages. Example: Lisa, a tech startup founder, turned off push notifications on her phone. As a result, she experienced less distraction and became more engaged during her work hours. 6. Cultivate Gratitude Overview: Gratitude fosters positivity and reduces stress. Actionable Tip: Start or end your day by jotting down three things you're grateful for. Example: Tom, a finance executive, began a gratitude journal and noticed a significant improvement in his outlook and interactions with his team. 7. Engage in Mindful Eating Overview: Food can be a mindful experience. Actionable Tip: At least once a day, take time to savor your meals mindfully without distractions like phones or screens. Example: Rachel, an HR director, used to rush through lunch, often leading to feelings of fatigue. By taking a 30-minute break and consciously enjoying her lunch, she found herself recharged and ready to tackle the afternoon. 8. Develop a Mindful Workspace Overview: Your environment plays a significant role in your state of mind. Actionable Tip: Organize your workspace with calming elements, such as plants or inspirational quotes. Example: After rearranging their office space, the team at Ben's consulting firm reported feeling less stressed and more connected, significantly impacting their productivity. 9. Reflect on Your Day Overview: Reflection is an essential part of mindfulness. Actionable Tip: Dedicate 10 minutes at the end of your day to reflect on what went well, what didn’t, and how you felt throughout the day. Example: After implementing daily reflections, Anne, a sales manager, noted improved emotional clarity and the ability to navigate challenging situations more effectively. 10. Seek Continuous Learning Overview: Mindfulness practices evolve, and so should you. Actionable Tip: Attend workshops, read books, or follow mindfulness experts to deepen your understanding. Example: When Barry, a C-suite executive, started attending mindfulness training sessions, he discovered new techniques that transformed how he approached challenges. His leadership style became more compassionate and insightful. Real-Life Examples Case Study: A CEO’s Journey Let’s take a closer look at Eric, the CEO of a mid-sized company that was facing declining morale. Eric was overwhelmed and struggling to connect with his team. After participating in a mindfulness workshop, Eric embraced practices like breathwork and reflection, which changed his approach to leadership. By modeling vulnerability and authenticity, he fostered a culture where employees felt safe to express their thoughts. As morale improved, so did productivity. The company saw a 30% increase in team engagement scores, leading to enhanced performance across the board. The Team Transformation In another instance, a project team led by Michelle was stuck in a cycle of constant conflict and miscommunication. Michelle introduced a weekly "mindfulness hour," where teams would gather to meditate and focus on listening exercises. Within a month, the team's dynamics transformed. Members reported feeling more heard and understood during discussions. The reduction in misunderstandings led to a 25% decrease in project delays and a more collaborative atmosphere. Overcoming Challenges While mastering executive mindfulness offers significant benefits, it’s not without its challenges. Here are some common hurdles and how to address them: Challenge: Time Constraints Problem: Many professionals feel they don’t have time for mindfulness practices. Solution: Integrate mindfulness into existing routines. For instance, practice mindfulness while commuting or engage in mindful breathing during short breaks. Start small; even three minutes a day can yield benefits. Challenge: Distracted Environment Problem: In a busy office with constant interruptions, it can be difficult to maintain mindfulness. Solution: Find quiet corners or schedule moments of solitude during the day.

Noise-canceling headphones or using apps that promote focused work (like Forest) can help create a mindful space. Challenge: Skepticism Problem: Some individuals may be skeptical about the effectiveness of mindfulness. Solution: Introduce simple techniques gradually. Encourage team members to try brief mindfulness practices before meetings. Collect feedback on experiences and encourage open dialogue about hesitations. Conclusion In today's whirlwind work culture, mastering executive mindfulness is not merely a luxury; it's a necessity. By adopting these ten powerful tips—starting with your breath and culminating in continuous learning—you can reshape your professional experience and improve your overall well-being. Mindfulness doesn't have to be a daunting task. By taking small, manageable steps daily, you'll cultivate awareness, improve focus, and ultimately lead with more clarity and compassion. Are you ready to transform your approach to leadership? Begin your journey toward executive mindfulness today and witness the profound impact it can have on your professional and personal life. Remember: mindfulness is not about perfection; it’s about progress. Welcome to your empowered, mindful self.

[thelowkeygeek]

Check out the latest LOWKEY GEEK #youtube video! THE ROCK Star Power Is Fading | The Morning After Noon LIVE #redonemovie by LOWKEY GEEK! Good afternoon and Happy Monday! After a well needed hiatus, I'm back to talk about movies and the latest in pop culture! Today, I'll be breaking down the box office and discussion the current status of The Rock in Hollywood. Also, there's a lot of Star Wars news and I need to deep-dive into what's really happening here. Great ways to show support to the channel is by donating during the live stream in the following ways: TTS is ON at $5+ Super Chats & Donations - Get your messages read out loud! Donations: https://ift.tt/a31gSvQ Become a friend of the channel for just $1 a month. Join a membership TODAY! 🔔 Consider Subscribing: https://ift.tt/8RAcKME 🎧 Listen on Spotify: https://ift.tt/UPQiWRx 🎧 Listen on iTunes: https://ift.tt/K0RiVl2 ► The gear used on this channel: https://amzn.to/3L79c1Y ► Fever events and experiences: https://ift.tt/UxS7AjY ► 80s Tees: 30% OFF with code WINTER30: https://ift.tt/zmwVF60 Other Great Content ---------------------------------- ► Movie Review & Out of Theater Reactions: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YH2jORSfkqtudOJX2KFFJkK ► The Trailer Park: Trailer Reactions: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YETuoR2B2Y1ulc_TfFKkyGZ ► The MovieTime Podcast: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YFrFx7-xandmlAgLWoUwIhc ► The Talking Talk Podcast: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YG3kXuSkEzu2PGgnjvU70Kc ► Special Events & Travel: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YGUo9x5FHnbideFkmHV_lAM ► Japan WOW Now: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YFX48uPJl5FwipHSTGis9Qy ► LOWKEY GEEK Gaming: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YHHmgt_YpmNFEbOi0d52hic ► One-Shots: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsH8u5sKE6YGDDThqnXOa9FOLYtvAjFNK Follow Us --------------------------------------------------- Twitter: https://twitter.com/the_lowkey_geek Instagram: https://ift.tt/aCOLfIn Follow me on Letterboxd ----------------- https://ift.tt/LEqAbZn Chapters ----------------- #beetlejuicebeetlejuice #live #themorningafternoon #podcast #movienews #morningafternoon #headlines #entertainmentnews #moviereviews #moviereview #headlines #boxoffice #weekendboxoffice #moviesof2024 #movies2024 #trailerreaction #movietrailers via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbCyt4woKUE

[kilosch]

Journal Entry: 10/07/2024

Morning Meetings & CTC Referrals: It’s Monday, and I managed to motivate myself enough to attend two meetings—one at 8:30 a.m. and another at 10 a.m. I felt like I was masking my feelings around my coworkers, trying to hide how down I’ve been lately. After the meetings, I finished six referrals for the CTC. I finally spoke up and said I needed help with the workload, and Ruby started to help, but in the end, I ended up doing the work myself. I need to be more patient when it comes to asking for assistance.

Catching Up with Nate: The morning dragged on, but I caught up with Nate, my best friend from Alaska. We talked about Zach Bryan’s Lucky Enough poem, which I had posted earlier. His comment, “If I’m lucky enough, I will become the version of myself I really like. Just keep loving, man,” made me smile. He’s right. I am lucky to have someone like him in my life. I also told him about my police academy plans and that I wanted him to attend my graduation in 2025.

Family & Mental Health Struggles: Mentally, I feel like I’m sinking. I miss my family the way we used to be. It’s like the wellness we once had is falling apart, and I can’t hold it together anymore. I miss the days of Pasko (Filipino Christmas), being young, eating my mom’s cooking, and just feeling whole. I broke down today, crying and wondering how I can make it stop.

Work Conversations & Nessa’s Message: Had some chit-chat with Ruby and George, my fellow EMTs, mostly joking about how boring meetings can be. I slipped in some dark humor, and everyone was laughing. I also talked to Christina, an RN, about the CHWs' scope of practice. I told her I didn’t know the full scope, but basically, they’re going to take over some of my responsibilities. Christina was surprised to hear I’d be leaving soon and made some bittersweet comments about it. I reassured her that I’m not leaving immediately, just preparing.

Nessa messaged me today, apologizing for not responding on Friday. Honestly, I didn’t care—everyone’s busy. She asked how my weekend went, and I told her it was crappy, as usual. She had a good weekend, which made me happy because she deserves it. For some reason, I told her I feel like a ticking bomb. I didn’t want to dive too deep into that, so I changed the subject and told her I’d be in the office tomorrow for CHW training. She said she’d be there too, and I joked, “If you need a driver to ride a county vehicle, I can get you one,” which was my attempt at a corny joke.

Dinner & Jealousy Over CA-TF2 Deployment: For dinner, I decided to take my little brother out to Chick-fil-A. It was one of those nights where I didn’t feel like cooking, and honestly, I just needed to get out of the house for a bit. While we were eating, I scrolled through social media, and that’s when I saw the post that hit me hard—California Task Force 2 (CA-TF2), my old team, is deploying to Georgia for Hurricane Milton.

Immediately, I felt a wave of jealousy wash over me. It’s not like I regret choosing to focus on myself and the upcoming police academy, but seeing the team gearing up for another mission brought back so many memories. I used to be part of that, getting ready for deployments, the adrenaline rush of heading into disaster zones, and the sense of purpose that came with it. Now, I’m sitting here, feeling like I’m missing out on something I loved doing.

What makes it even weirder is that CA-TF2 isn’t just firefighters from the LACoFD; it’s filled with civilians like me—people with specialized skills in Urban Search and Rescue (USAR). We worked alongside firefighters, but it was more than just a job. It was a community, and I felt like I belonged there. Knowing that they’re out there preparing for the hurricane, while I’m stuck here, made me feel…disconnected. It’s like a piece of me is still with that team, but I’ve had to move on.

I know I made the right choice, though. I need to focus on the police academy and my future in law enforcement, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that I’m missing out on something important. There’s a part of me that still longs for the action, the camaraderie, and the sense of making a difference during those deployments. It’s a tough balance—trying to move forward while still feeling a pull toward the past.

After dinner, I couldn’t stop thinking about the team, wondering what it would’ve been like if I had gone with them to Georgia. But at the end of the day, I have to remind myself that I’m on a different path now. Hopefully, this path will bring the same sense of fulfillment, even if it’s in a different way.

Wrapping Up the Day: I’ll be waking up tomorrow to drive into the office and train the CHWs. I really hope I wake up in a decent mood tomorrow. It’s been hard lately, and I could use a day where things feel even just a little bit lighter.