#what a colossal character writing failure

[agenericplaceholdername]

Hearing mixed thoughts on this "destruction" thing... is it bad? Or good if it means Lloyd suffers?

[doctorprofessorsong]

Hello! I recently watched The Winchesters and had a question, which I figured you could answer/discuss?

I'm aware that the show takes place in an Alt Universe, and that Spn's John never fell into the hunting life earlier, so he never knew Carlos personally. But still, it's still him — and he is not homophobic towards Carlos who is canonically bi. It can be argued that he just does not know, like he did not know about Carlos serving the Navy, but then what about Anton? We know Lata knows, of course. But has it been explicitly stated that Mary & John know too? And it's not like Carlos hides himself; he's open about his interests and that's amazing, but John is never portrayed as a Hater, no? Not in this sense in the show.

But we, as a fandom, have concluded that John is the reason for Dean's suppression of his own feelings — in general, and about being into men — but then... Carlos.

Did Dean assume his father would never approve? Because he never does of anything that has to do with feelings; it's always hunting and more hunting and revenge, of course. Is that what happened, rather than John actually being homophobic, he was a colossal failure of a parent who "just" pushed away his son(s) emotionally to a level where potential abuse and discouragement were more realistic than anything else? Does this also mean that when Dean does come out to John he would be supportive, at least, of this?

It's just been bugging me, is all.

Hoo boy. Throwing me an easy one before coffee, huh? :)

As a fun aside, there is a scene where a Carlos is mentioned in the mothership. It's not established to be the same Carlos in SPNwin, but the SPN episode was written by Robbie and he has acknowledged they are in his mind.

That doesn't get us to an answer, but it's nice to know that Dean and Sam possibly knew a version of Carlos.

Leading with the short answer to the actual question: what you have described regarding canon is a lot of assumptions and headcanons, which are fine and can absolutely be read as "John was just different in the different universes,' but I personally find that to be the boring answer. I think this fandom tends to write John as the evil bad dad, when a complex gray John is far meatier, so I'm often inclined to go deeper.

The answer I feel works better is the possibly unpopular opinion that we don't actually know John is homophobic at all and it's very possible Dean’s relationship with his father, while fraught with expectations in any number of ways, may not actually be driving his choice to live in the closet and/or his delayed realization of his sexual orientation. It's extremely possible John isn't homophobic at all. Dean may have read him that way or he may have felt pressure from external sources. These days my preferred reading tends to actually be something else entirely: that Dean knows he is queer and simply doesn't reveal it because he is of an era and a world where queerness is often not open and obvious to outsiders.

This is gonna be a long haul so I'm gonna pop in a courtesy cut and jump in. Don't worry. There WILL be headings and bullet points. Regret asking me yet? 😆

Is John homophobic?

Canon support

There isn't a ton of canon support for the homophobic John reading. That's not saying it isn't a valid reading. It's just that it's an interpretation and not fact. Here are the things I have seen or remember:

Martin and Tara - taking these together because they are a similar pattern. Both tell Dean his dad would be disappointed in him for running around with this male shaped monster (boyfriend). The textual reading is that John wouldn't want him running around with monsters. There is a subtexual reading that John wouldn't want him to have a boyfriend which is super valid. It just doesn't tell us much about John because 1. We know he was very black and white on monsters, 2. neither of these characters knows John that well. Tara got ghosted by him. It's possible this is a reflection of the larger hunter community (though possibly not even that). The point is it's canon evidence that can be taken either way.

Lee? A lot of people write that scene as John finding in them in a compromising position and I get it because Christian Kane and Jensen Ackles looked like they were about to sneak off to the bathroom, but the actual story is "You remember that time he caught us wasted on a Hunt? Hm? He was so mad, I-I thought he was gonna have an aneurysm." We know that John is really hard on Dean and Sam specifically because he chooses preparation for monsters over all (including their mental health) so this is absolutely consistent with his character regardless of any romance between them.

The nuns - this is not technically canon, but there is a story about John sending Dean on a solo hunt on his birthday to chase after queer nuns. First and foremost, I am noting this is sketchy from a canon/non-canon evidence perspective. It is something written and endorsed by SPN in the same way as the cartoon and the upcoming graphic novel. It's not fan fiction, but I would say it's not truly canon canon. But taking the evidence for what it is, it's interesting to note that in the journal John doesn't actually say anything homophobic. He describes the hunt as "Simple salt-and-burn mission. Nuns in love with each other, then discovered. Killed themselves." There's no commentary. No slurs. They were "in love." The real meat of the homophobia here is that he sent is queer son alone on his birthday to deal with them and it could be read as a message. That doesn't mean it's intended to be one.

That's all I can think of. It's not a lot and it's not definitive. It's perfectly valid to read it as support for homophobic John AND I think there may be some writer intent in the same way that monsters are often an allegory in the show and in media for queerness.

But it's also not a smoking gun. It's more of a unloaded gun with bullets next to it. So why do people think John is this super homophobic person?

Non-canon support and factors

There's a lot that goes into the interpretation of John that lies outside of the text.

His age and upbringing - He was raised in a time and place where acceptance of queer people wasn't exactly the default and then he went into the military which is also not exactly known for being particularly great for queer acceptance.

Classism - I say this gently to the fandom, but there is this idea that people who aren't in urban areas, and especially in poor rural areas must be homophobic. This comes up a lot in the Sam went to Stanford and is educated and therefore is a better ally headcanon. It's worth considering whether that is a factor here.

He raised his kids with military precision when he was around - there is no doubt that John was a hard man who treated his children like soldiers. A lot of people group gender and sexual orientation, especially when it comes to the gender aspects of masculinity where "be a man" and "be tougher" is frequently aimed at queer men. There's a lot of masculinity reinforcement for sure in the text and subtext of the show.

He's a bad dad and we're a bunch of traumatized queers with daddy issues. I know because I'm not only the owner, I'm a member.

I'm simplifying some of this, but there are a lot of factors that contribute to this reading and they are real and valid reasons. They just aren't textual and in some cases they are absolutely based in stereotypes. That's fine! Stereotypes aren't always incorrect. But they can be and it's worth wondering whether or not they are true.

There are plenty of people like John who are either not homophobic, or of the nature of it's fine if I don't see it variety of homophobia (which would actually be fairly logical to read into given the time and place of Dean's upbringing and the risk being openly queer presented especially for John who's priority is physical safety and preparation).

Personally, I find the lack of text to be fairly compelling, especially when we look at Dean's other behaviors, but that is my interpretation. I personally think John would have a problem with a monster boyfriend because of the monster bit, but doesn't give a fuck about the boyfriend bit except to the extent it may draw danger. I don't actually think John fits the rural strict father homophobic stereotype very well. He's not particularly religious. He doesn't seem to care what his kids do as long as they are safe and in the family business. He doesn't quiz Dean about where he was or who he was with.

I grew up in the South and have known a lot of homophobic parents in my day (including my own! See above). The pattern is often a parent who wants their kid to meet a certain social standard. Don't be gay because it will reflect bad on the family and you will go to hell. John shows negative interest in that arena.

He shows some of the don't be gay because it isn't manly aspects of that type of parent, but I also think a lot of people conflate masculinity with sexual orientation in this analysis. I say this specifically nodding to the Krikpe quote about umbrellas which in no way mentions being gay, but does mention being tough hunters not scared of demons. The text of that tweet and the story the fandom tells are two very distinct things.

It's very possible that those aspects of John's personality are part of why Dean performs tough het male so hard and that would be an aspect of what you are describing. I will also say however that Dean cries a lot. He's very open with his emotions and with caring for people. He's very good with people. Hes always been openly a caretaker. So he isn't performing masculinity so hard that those pieces of him are erased or hidden.

Why is Dean Like That if it isn't the daddy issues?

Let's look at this as if John wasn't openly and particularly notably homophobic. That is to say he had the casual homophobia of the 80s and 90s combined with a friend group of hypermasculine beer and bourbon drinking dudes with guns, but he wasn't, say, abusing Dean if he caught sight of potential gayness. Just to analyze the other question which is Dean's suppression of his feelings or denial of his queerness.

The fandom is not a monolith and I think there are lots of fans with lots of differing analysis in this arena, so I just want to again reiterate, this is all interpretation and headcanon! It's fine to fall anywhere in this spectrum.

Dean is Like That because he assumes he knows how his Dad would react

It's possible John talked about this idea that he has to get to an apple pie life long enough and made assumptions about the gender of his future partner, or that he was so neglectful or abusive, or that he made enough comments about being a "man" because he was worried about Dean being a victim, that Dean assumed his father would not support him. It's possible the canon events above where never intended to send a message to Dean that he still believed and read into them. That's not a criticism. We all interpret the things that happen to us. We are the ones who put meaning to an event, and that meaning may not match with the other person's intent. It doesn't make it invalid.

As you say, it may be a failure of parenting.

Dean is Like That because he grew up in the 80s and 90s

As someone who was born between Dean and Sam, I can say with the authority of experience that the 80s and 90s were a rough time to be queer. Like a really rough time. There were a lot of cultural things happening. Not to mention Dean had a rough upbringing.

HIV/AIDS - There are greater and more knowledgeable sources than me about this topic, but growing up during this time I can say that people were absolutely fucking awful about HIV/AIDS. We had school assemblies full of misinformation. Scores of people were dying and being told they deserved it. A lot of queer kids were internalizing the idea that queerness was a death sentence. I cannot actually come up with a good comparison in modern day. It was absolutely awful for the community, and the messages being delivered to kids was: "if you choose to be gay, you will die."

Casual homophobia - Remember when Misha used the f-word and people lost their fucking minds even though he was talking about lived experiences for most of us of a certain age? Yeah, that outrage was unimaginable to me as a kid. The idea that people would ever get to a point where the use of the word in a non-slur posture would even register. Slurs were thrown around all the time. People and things were "gay" and that was bad. Dean spent time being thrown from school to school and it would have been a massively important for him to come in performing cool masculine untouchable guy who enjoys women.

Dean lives in a transient space - He's constantly alone and in charge in places where someone might take advantage of him or Sammy. Being noticed and assumed weak is dangerous.

Counterpoint: Dean's upbringing may support more comfort rather than less with queerness, but it encouraged secrecy

To fully contradict myself, Dean was in transient spaces. That means he would have been interacting with more queer people than the average suburban or rural teen. He's in truck stops and no-tell motels. That boy met queer people. But he met people who were living in the shadows. This isn't unusual for that era. Queerness to dean was cruising and truck stops and one night stands in seedy motels. Something to be done but not to be seen.

Dean's reaction to queer people in canon supports this reading. He's never disgusted, but he's often surprised specifically about open and public displays of queerness. He tends to react to openly queer people with surprise and longing, but specifically most of his oh right there are queer people faces are reactions to open displays of queerness.

Even HIV/AIDS may have hit different in the hunting community. Dean didn't expect to live to an old age. I say this mainly because the lack of blood squick.

Consider a reading that he knows

We have so many lovely coded moments of queer Dean. The bathroom he disappears into. The way he gets clocked and doesn't deny it at times. Any denials he makes can be read to be situations where he doesn't know what the other person will react like.

I think it's very possible he isn't repressed at all! He just uses the closet as a shield or he doesn't share that information with people unless he wants to/trusts them/feels it's relevant to them.

PS DM me if you want to chat more and also I may have a discord of interest.

[wingsofhcpe]

yeah now I see why everyone's saying Netflix ruined the Witcher story in s3 and why Henry Cavill hightailed it the fuck out of there.

They ruined Dijkstra by making him a coward and a drunken fool by the end. They ruined Philippa by making her a "sexy dominatrix" cardboard cutout instead of the calm and collected mastermind powerhouse she's in the books AND it seems they'll give her secret magic meetings orchestrator role to Yennefer because fuck any female character who isn't her or Ciri, I guess. They changed Cahir's story for.... God knows why, actually. They FUCKED UP Fringilla and Fransesca and the emergence of the Dol Blathana kingdom, seriously I don't even know where to begin when it comes to these two.

And worst of all, the one thing I will absolutely never forgive them for: Tissaia.

My brave, strong, arrogant Tissaia, brought so low for a man. Making mistakes not because of her arrogance or her immense power and her belief that she was protecting what she treasured, but for a fucking love interest. Oh, but he turned her soft, she finally trusted, she was finally happy, she's better for it per Yen's literal words. And she gambled and lost not because of her unwavering beliefs, but because she was shagging Vilgefortz and he manipulated her.

The lightning scene and her hair turning white? Yeah, that was fucking badass. But since they went through all that trouble to keep her around longer/have her do more things, I don't understand why they had to kill her in the same way as the books in the end. With the path they chose for her, she should have died during the lightning spell. That would have been okay. But no, they had to do that part like the books, I imagine for shock value. And somehow, that made everything even worse.

CW for self-harm and suicide under the cut.

In the books, Tissaia taking her own life was not a dramatic, prolonged scene. It wasn't an emotional decision she took by smoking drugs and writing farewell letters. She made a mistake because of her own arrogance: not because of men or love but because she truly believed herself to be powerful and infallible and trusted herself to protect Aretuza. And so when she gambled and lost, taking her own life felt like her acknowledging her colossal mistake and not cowering at the face of consequences, but instead delivering those consequences herself, which only strengthened her image as a powerful, self-sufficient mage; she didn't even need someone else to point out her failures and deliver punishment, she did it herself. And to be clear here, I am not glorifying her act; suicide is no "proper punishment", nor should it be regarded as something admirable. All I'm saying is that it was very much in line with Tissaia's character and thematically fitting. This is fiction, not reality. Let us not confuse the two.

In the show, however? They dragged it out, they had Philippa rubbing her mistakes at her face, humiliating her in front of the other sorcerers. And the last straw for me was her conversation with Yennefer, because it really came off as Tissaia accepting that her living and staying strong and leading them would be the proper way to atone for what she did. It came off as Tissaia accepting responsibility, recognising the truth in Yennefer's words, and actually trusting in them. Then, the moment Yennefer looked away, she got high, made a callback to season 1 for... some reason with the rock and flower trick, and killed herself.

In the books, death felt like her righteous punishment that she accepted for her mistakes. Here, it felt like running away, choosing the easy way out and, ultimately, doing it all because of Vilgefortz.

And I am never, ever forgiving the show writers for that. Tissaia was my favourite character in the books, and they absolutely destroyed and humiliated her, and for what? For shock value and to prop up Yennefer. Because God forbid this show has more than one badass woman character in the lead. If yall wanted to change Tissaia's character you could have done that by keeping her alive, having her stand by Yennefer, maybe having lost her powers after thar spell but still being there to guide the new generation of sorcerers as they rebuilt their home- that would have been what book!Tissaia would have done as an alternative to dying. But no. You just had to make her a pathetic little coward whose actions were mostly because of her relationship to Vilgefortz. Taking away her strength and agency in every possible way.

I'm glad Cavill left this shitty-ass production and I honestly hope s4 flops SO bad you'll have to cancel s5 even if it's already renewed. Fuck this shit.

[chaifootsteps]

if you want an alternate universe where viv wrote bojack horseman, then i want an alternative universe where raphael bobs waksberg made helluva boss/hazbin hotel. the art and animation probably wouldn't look the same, but could you imagine all the writing potential for these characters actually being reached?

We'd be sitting here talking about the colossal failure and abysmal waste of potential that was BoJack Horseman, but we'd do it in between gushing over what a masterpiece HH/HB was. Win some, lose some.

[saintsenara]

What are your least favourite types/pet peeves when it comes to characterisation of Tom Riddle?

thank you for the ask, @sarafina-sincerity!

a lot of what follows is expanded upon elsewhere in my writing, above all, in three other metas: voldemort as a character archetype; on writing voldemort; and what does dumbledore get wrong about voldemort. these three pieces look at pet peeves i have with how voldemort's relationship with the genre conventions of the series is misunderstood - as well as at what i think his political beliefs are, what he's doing in the wars, and what his best real-world analogies are - in more detail.

this will focus more on personality traits and aspects of voldemort's appearance which unjustifiably annoy me. obviously, i recognise that none of this is as deep as i may appear to be making it - and readers should enjoy and writers should create what they want - but i'm about to be on call; i deserve a little overthinking about a fictional man. as a treat.

the first - and probably most significant - aspect of voldemort’s characterisation which i dislike is when he’s written as a sociopath or a psychopath. this is, i fear, something which deserves a deep-dive into - and i’m already planning the ten-thousand-word meta in which i bore you all to tears with an examination of what we understand about the genetic factors behind sociopathy/psychopathy, how these interact with environmental factors, whether voldemort meets any of the diagnostic criteria for either condition [the answer is a lot more complicated than you’d think…], what other explanations there could be for his behaviour [lots! most of them completely treatable!], and so on.

but here, i’ll just say what i’ve said before: i think it’s incredibly boring for voldemort’s role in the series to be reduced to him being a sociopath/psychopath, above all, because the conditions are widely understood to have a genetic cause and widely considered to be incurable.

the central theme of the harry potter series is the value of choice, under which umbrella comes the fact that it believes that anyone is capable of redemption. but understanding voldemort as sociopath/psychopath is basically shorthand for saying that he cannot ever truly access either of these central themes, since he will always be fundamentally remorseless and fundamentally incapable of empathy.

which is not what the series thinks it’s saying…

i think it’s much more interesting for the reader - and much more challenging for the writer - to have to confront the idea that voldemort’s villainy is a decision actively made, and that it has more complicated and multifaceted motivations than simply a predisposition towards remorselessness and cruelty. i loathe the idea that he was simply born bad [and especially the implication in the fanon - which, to regrettably have to defend her, is based in something which jkr never said - that the circumstances of his conception caused his inability to understand love; children conceived through rape are not broken]. 

i also loathe the implication present in the idea of him as innately sociopathic that his childhood trauma merely props up traits which were always there - rather than that his childhood trauma could, if anybody bothered to help him with it, be explored and treated. the failure of the state in his early life, and dumbledore and the rest of the hogwarts staff’s colossal missteps in dealing with the facts of his childhood are ignored by the text - particularly in the fact that the ways in which harry differs from voldemort in his response to his own childhood experiences are considered a demonstration of inherent goodness and ability to love rather than that harry is an enormous anomaly, who, unlike most other children in his position, experiences his neglect as character-building.

i’m always critical of the fact that the harry potter series prioritises only one type of love - love as suffering and sacrifice - and i think that voldemort’s rejection of this specific form of love makes perfect sense and isn’t - in and of itself - the moral failing the narrative treats it as. i prefer to think of his rejection of love as deliberate and understandable - that is, that he is somebody fundamentally capable of it [as he also is with remorse and empathy], but that his issues constrain his ability to allow himself the vulnerability of loving or being empathetic or being sorry. i just think he’s a more interesting person that way.

thinking about voldemort’s childhood also intersects with a couple of other fanon characterisations which peeve me. firstly, when he is portrayed as being extremely traumatised by the second world war. voldemort is at school during the blitz, the main periods in which children were evacuated from london, the bombing campaign of 1942, and much of the bombing campaign of 1944. he clearly feels no emotional attachment to the orphanage, he has nobody in london he’s inclined to worry about, he would have no shame in freeloading off of one of his friends if his childhood institution were destroyed [plus, they’d definitely have to let him stay at hogwarts then, which he’d like], and his disdain for muggles as crude suggests that he regards the war as unsophisticated and futile. he clearly isn’t that worried about grindelwald either, seeing as he is apparently incapable in deathly hallows of remembering what the magical world’s equivalent to adolf hitler looks like.

[my headcanon is, though, that he’s quite concerned by the atomic bomb - dropped on hiroshima and nagasaki when he’s nineteen - because of its ability to wipe out wizards too unless muggles are brought under magical control.]

secondly, when he is portrayed as being traumatised by his first meeting with dumbledore. i’ve written about this in detail in this meta, in which i note that dumbledore makes a lot of missteps in their first encounter, but that these are rarely the ones which end up being discussed in fanon around voldemort.

above all, the young voldemort does not care about dumbledore setting his wardrobe on fire. he gets over it the second he realises that he could use magic as dumbledore does - to frighten, destroy, and control. similarly, he immediately gets over dumbledore making his stolen possessions rattle - and, as we know, dumbledore’s attempt to teach him a lesson has no effect whatsoever on his criminality.

indeed, while the adult voldemort hates dumbledore, the voldemort of chamber of secrets treats him as a mere annoyance, whom he talks about carelessly. in the meta linked above, i think that voldemort’s indifference towards dumbledore transitions to hatred after the fake job interview we see in half-blood prince - but that, while he’s at school, he considers him largely irrelevant.

i also dislike the fanon that voldemort was bullied at school or was unpopular in slytherin. it seems to have become accepted that the young voldemort would have been bullied by his housemates for his secondhand possessions and because he could be initially assumed to be muggleborn.

but this fails to note, i think, several things about voldemort’s character: that he is a chameleon and that class in britain depends just as much on performance as background [severus snape may remain identifiably working-class into his late teens, but voldemort is probably aping his classmates’ accents, mannerisms, and references the second he’s on the train]; that there are poor purebloods and half-bloods, and his shabby possessions won’t matter given that he can pass as from a wizarding background; that he is a shameless flatterer; that his looks and talent immediately elevate him to a prime position in slughorn’s social network; and - crucially - that he can prove that he’s descended from slytherin. i am sure that dumbledore is inadvertently right when he speculates in half-blood prince that voldemort finds out slytherin was a parselmouth the night he arrives at hogwarts, and that he uses this to immediately establish his importance in the ecosystem of the slytherin common room.

outside of hogwarts, especially in au fics, i tend not to vibe with things which show him as extremely politically-minded or wanting to work for the ministry. voldemort turns down slughorn’s job offers because he wants a job he gets himself, and he clearly has no interest in even pretending to respect or conform to the patronage networks which define wizarding society. i think his job at borgin and burkes suits him far more than many of the fanon careers he’s often given - including being a teacher, since hogwarts is the sort of ivory tower detached from the reality of the world that voldemort seems inclined to chafe against.

the other main au theme i dislike is things which change his background and expect his personality to remain the same. pretty much everything about voldemort comes down to the fact that he’s an orphan and that he was raised in an institution - if he’s rich, socially important on the basis of a family name, or raised by one or both of his parents, he’s going to be somebody entirely different.

connected to this is also the fact that i’m peeved when authors don’t take his mammy issues into account. voldemort’s grief over his mother is something i’ve written about in this meta - and dumbledore’s spectacular mishandling of it in this one - but the tl;dr is that it is the driving factor for a huge number of decisions he makes, and it’s often not drawn out as much as it could be in fanon.

then, and i’ve written about this in more detail in this meta, i hate with a passion the fanon that his horcruxes make him insane. this seems to be mainly influenced by the films - in which voldemort is, let’s be frank, deranged - but it is directly refuted by the way that the series understands the soul as something which exists separately from the will. the damage voldemort inflicts on his soul through dark magic has no effect on his cognition - and the canonical voldemort remains lucid, methodical in violence, a brilliant tactician, and someone with the upper hand in the conflict throughout the entirety of the second war. after all, he very nearly wins.

he certainly changes after his resurrection - he seems to become more superstitious, paranoid, secretive, crueller to his minions, and less inclined to take advice -  but this is because he’s pissed off at the death eaters for leaving him in a tree in albania for fourteen years. which, to be fair to him, i would be too.

when it comes to other of his personality traits which seem to be left out of a lot of fics, i dislike things which don’t recognise that voldemort is incredibly funny [there will never be a line harder than him telling wormtail he’ll get a task "my followers would give their right hands to perform"], which portray him as being preternaturally emotionally controlled [the canonical voldemort is feral - he’s extremely emotionally demonstrative, he has a really expressive face, he needs no prompting to start spilling his secrets, he isn’t austere in the slightest, he seems to be interested in sensory pleasure, and he is desperate to be perceived], which portray him as inflexible [voldemort can obviously be obsessive - and he has a clear tendency towards hyperfocus, which he shares with harry - but he’s also extremely adaptable and pragmatic, and is often shown in canon as pretty introspective], or which don’t take his weird sense of honour into account [his dislike of liars and hypocrites seems to be pretty sincere, he admires courage and daring and loathes cowardice, and he has no respect for anyone he considers disloyal - especially wormtail, whom he berates not only for being disloyal to him, but to the marauders as well]. i also dislike things which portray him as very culturally sophisticated, since i just think it’s funnier if he hates being forced to go to fancy dinner parties with his death eaters because he wants a plate of beans on toast and a night at the pictures.

in terms of his appearance and demeanour, one of my pet peeves is when he’s written as being very masculine. on the basis of his canonical description, he’s actually quite effete - and far too few fics lean into just how camp he is. more petty - but it really does bother me - is that i hate when he has brown hair. jet-black only, i beg.

and, of course, the slash-related one - i loathe it when voldemort won’t bottom. enjoying getting railed doesn’t make you any less capable of being a terrorist.

[5targrrl]

⸺⠀🕯️³ 5TARGRRL / WRITEBLR INTRO.jpg

Hey babes! The name's ALEX (she/her) and I'm an 18yr old P.R. lesbian located in the U.S. (gmt-5). I'm a indecisive, hot mess of a writer who's been writing for around seven years now. Which is an embarrassing fact considering I have yet to finish a first draft *sobs*. I write in multiple genres but tend to gravitate towards darker content, dark academia? Horror? Thrillers? sign me tf up, I'm drooling. I love me a good trope and some of my favorites include found family, enemies to lovers, mutual pining and emotionally constipated characters who are secret softies.

⸺⠀MY PROJECTS.txt

" WE WERE LAMBS  -  adult  sci - fi  surrealism horror novel.

WHEN DORIAN STAROSTA   is arrested alongside three of his old childhood bestfriends for the murder of his mother, Dorian's world begins to crumble all around him. After being sentenced to life in prison, the four are given the opportunity to participate in a brutal virtual-reality game. If won, their criminal records will be wiped, but if they lose? They are guaranteed to die a slow, tortuous death. With nothing left to lose, they begrudingly accept. Dorian Starosta is many things but a murderer is not one of them, and he is desperate to prove that.

" IDLE TOWN  -  ya contemporary romance novel.

THE  SUMMER  OF   1998 for Vincent Callaghan is already what you would call a colossal disaster. but the news that his ex - bestfriend Jude Navarro will be returning to Harmont for the annual surf camp, the very camp Vincent’s been forced to help run, is the perfect, rotten cherry on top. Battling the stress of upcoming graduation, his band, and dealing with Jude’s attempts at rekindling their lost friendship, Vincent is ready to sign this summer off a complete failure, because there's no way this can turn around, right?

⸺⠀ENDING CREDITS.txt

Thats all folks! Thank you for so much for reading. I'm always looking for new friends so totally don't hesitate to reach out / interact. Have a great one <3

[emersonfreepress]

Sorry if you've answered this already but, what does the nerve stat mean? What lowers/increases it? Will there be any consequences if it's too low or high? Cheers :)

I don't think I have! Honestly, it's still a bit of a work in progress, along with the Remorse, Stress, and Thrill stats. I think going over them all should give you an idea of what I'm trying to do with them, but they're very subject to change.

Stress - pretty straightforward: stressful shit increases Stress 😆 High Stress can fuck up your execution of certain choices and will be noticed by other characters in day-to-day life. New Kid's Stress goes down when they engage with their hobby, when something good happens to them, or in positive social interactions with the ROs or their family.

Remorse - also pretty obvious: feeling bad feels bad! Expressing guilt or regret over your crimes and immoral actions increases Remorse. Compassionate MCs can gain more Remorse than Cutthroat MCs over certain things. I think this stat will also be relevant if I decide to make all action choices available during Missions... like instead of blocking off a particularly cruel choice for MCs with high Compassion, they would still be able to do it but they'd take on a bunch of Remorse. I haven't decided all of the situations that Remorse on its own can impact yet, but I imagine the success of attempting some out-of-character monster shit when your Remorse is already high would be a disaster 🥰🥰

Thrill - Relishing in your crimes and manipulations. This one's very much in development (like, in the earliest prep portion lol I don't even got the seasoning out yet) because it needs to be included, but I'm not interested in writing a colossally destructive or gleefully violent killer MC. Thrill is meant to relate to all actions that significantly go against the law or societal expectations. So obviously your Thrill can increase due to how you react in Missions but doing shit like sneaking out to a punk show with Rupan/Rohan (one way you can spend Halloween 🥰) would also increase it. I once had it as an opposing variable with Remorse, but that doesn't feel right since Thrill doesn't have to be directly tied to cruelty and evil.

Nerve - Finally! It's the ability to successfully carry out difficult or complicated actions despite external distractions or personal feelings. High Nerve is great if you are, for example, trying to get your Compassionate MC with High Remorse to do something terrible. You would still be able to try with low or decent Nerve, but with a chance of mixed results or failure. However, having high Nerve in a situation where all of the normal people in the room are freaking the fuck out? It's not necessarily a bad thing... but it does stand out.

These kinds of variables could probably be applied to things like artistic or academic performance too, but so far I really want to stick to applying them to social interaction and criminal activities only. Keep it consistent with the game's stakes. There should be no debate about the New Kid's talent, but their morality should always be in flux.

ok i talked way too much about this bye!!

[worldweary-walker]

So the very first panel of this does something that the game is very fond of- understandable, because it's an excellent writing technique: Kim (or someone else) says something that is, itself, fairly straightforward, despite how much you can read into it: "Hell does not exist." This is followed by something more philosophical, but still straightforward: "Only you exist." The third line, the punchline, is just that- a punch to the gut. "Verdict: Hell Is You."

Though it starts the comment, our understanding of the characters leads us to believe that Kim's statement is in response to something deranged that Harry says. In the art, Kim has a very present halo- a halo that surrounds him distantly, is fractured. That might only be to frame him as distant, imposing, an artistic choice that works damn well- but you can read something more in it. It looks, in that panel, like Kim is bleeding on his chest, and around his eyes.

In the second panel, I don't recognize the first half but centered is the fan, and hanging down from it is an iconic character from the game- a Horrible one. The necktie, in the image, is colored like blood; so are the letters. The impetus is clear: a tie (heh) to Harry's self-hate.

"It is real because you are," the third panel says. The box obscures Harry's face. The text is the color blue, blue is the color of grief- Harry's grief is real because he is. It is the cause, philosophically speaking, of his memory loss. His loss is his cope with his grieving.

The fourth panel, the second comic, is practically a poem on its own. I especially like the phrase "a man unlacquered." Harry DuBois has lost his shine; Harry Dubois has lost the coating of transparency that shields him. Saltwater has a corrosive effect on the finish of wood. I don't know about alcohol, but that probably isn't good for it either. The meaning, of course, is obvious- Harry has stripped away the shielding in himself, has stripped away himself, in a wash of alcohol and seawater (and, possibly, the Pale.)

There's a second meaning, too, however- Harry has stripped the shine of him away, but it turns out there's Harry that remains. "Spat back out in its whorl." The tide did not consume him. He could not kill himself with alcohol. The sea, metaphor and literal (recall the motorcarriage?) could not kill him. He abandoned himself, but has found himself stuck with the body. "A tidal-colossal nucleic rejection." (I'm probably missing something in the meaning of that phrase.)

Third comic, fifth panel! I have no idea what's happening in the background. The main part is clear enough though- Harry bemoaning his failure to commit suicide. (The necktie is Horrible for a reason. It was hanging from the fan. It's a damn good thing Harry couldn't stand up straight.)

Fourth comic, panels 6-8! Lot of blood in this one. "Hematic fluid," "Primordial pit to primordial pit," really emphasizing the themes of loss and forgetfulness. The text isn't subtle about it either: "a puncture of color against the whiteness of snow." The memories that Harry has lost, the ones that he recalls, mean very little against the vastness of the Pale. (I can't comment on the significance of "Dolores Fucking Dei," unfortunately.)

Fifth one, single panel- Harry is weeping. He has many such breakdowns in the game, he is a weeping man of habit forced to rediscover what he's lost. The significance of this one is that he is not alone. He weeps, for what he's lost, again and again and again, he offers to leave first so his partner isn't hurt by it. Kim will have none of it- he says, "I'm here." He is. He's holding Harry.

It's really poignant and sad and I don't have as much to say about it because it's not as symbolically dense as the others but asbdu asbuiheicuuiwhvuichewuivb. Agh. Good comics.

The last comic... just like in the first one, Kim is haloed. The halo is not fractured and imposing, this time: it is an anchor, solid around him. He's looking up, the halo's spiked as in surprise- but it is Kim, and the halo seems warm rather than threatening. The red is prominent. The text says "do they glow as her innocence did?" This disguises a double meaning. Her Innocence is Dolores Dei; she, the innocent one, Harry's ex-wife, he speaks of often. Dolores Dei was said to glow, specifically her lungs- and, at times, there are implications she was a robot. Halogen glow. Kim is someone holy to Harry- he does not have a halogen glow. "Instead, a sunrise." Kim smokes, just once a day, at the end of things. Meeting Kim is the beginning of something new. Smoke goes in the lungs. "Instead, a sunrise." His hands, something that Harry comments on, are prominent.

ASJDKHHSAS JFHAFH this art is so cool and I've covered everything I noticed about it but I'm sure there's a lot more bc I do Not have a good head for lore and I've tried to draw connections where I can but this is so dense with symbolism I'm insane about it. The artist is incredible, the poet is incredible, this is incredible and damn good work. Props to them, props to y'all, I'm gonna go scream about it.

tw topics of suicidal ideation. self harm.

[billconrad]

A Writing Setback

You may recall a recent article discussing a YouTube video that trashed the movie Men in Black International. I chose to write about this criticism not because I disliked the movie but because the review revealed a significant plot problem in one of my books.

What about the people who were part of that movie? I bet they were not impressed with that YouTube video. But it was not always that way. They were optimistic at the film’s launch and felt crushed when it did not perform. The YouTube video added to their anguish by explicitly describing the film’s failures. To add insult to injury, the video generated a profit for the YouTube creator, but the movie failed to make a profit.

   Well, everybody involved in the film moved on. Hopefully, they will learn from their mistakes, and their following projects will be better. In life, the painful lessons are often the most important.

    In another article, I confessed that writing these articles is a form of low-budget therapy. So… Time to eat some crow. This article is going to be “open therapy.” Four days ago, I received edits from a professional editor. They included a detailed report on several issues. I have severe plot, character, logic, and grammar problems. To make matters worse, they were fundamental issues that were difficult to fix without a total rewrite. To further pile on the pain, I now know these flaws were also present in my other books.

    This mountain of criticism was a lot to confront, and I stopped self-editing for a few days to reflect. I was depressed, and it is now challenging to write this article, and editing has become a miserable chore.

    I again viewed the Men in Black International YouTube video and wondered what the people who were part of the movie thought about the criticism. I suspect having flaws publicly pointed out was much worse because the result was very public. Having my flaws pointed out by one person was the only bright spot in my sea of self-pity.

    I have had many setbacks during my writing adventure and even considered closing this chapter in my life. (Ha, a writing joke!) I often remind myself that a primary life goal is to start a business, and writing takes much away from that effort.

    Looking in the mirror and seeing the face of failure is difficult. “Your best is not good enough.” Of course, it is easy to deny my problems. I do not have an English degree; writing is not my career, and I went into this project knowing I would never be able to compete with the great authors.

    That’s enough self-pity. How am I going to salvage this situation? I have failed many times in my life and unquestioningly developed a recovery technique. I will gather all the information, analyze it, and form a plan. Sometimes, I talk to people about the issue but typically hunker down and work on my problems in solitude. Hence, I took a bike ride today. Yes, it helped.

    For this problem, I will fix what can be fixed and ignore the other issues. The main criticism concerns my weak characters and plot. There is not a lot I can do about that. Learn from my mistakes and try harder in the future. After all, this is life, and it is reasonable to expect issues, failures, and colossal setbacks.

    An author writes the story they want to tell. It might be pretentious, arrogant, weak, and unrealistic. However, my story came from my heart, and I based the characters on people I have met. On my bike ride, I came to a conclusion. After all that stuff the editor pointed out, I still like my plot and characters. They mean something to me; if I can make that happen with only one other person, I have succeeded.

    I certainly appreciate my core flaws. The identified flaws will take a lot of work to fix, but I never give up on a dream without a fight, even if the dream is unrealistic.

    You’re the best -Bill

    November 01, 2024

    Hey book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

    Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.

[goddamnwebcomics]

Reply

I talked about this before, but it still feels blatantly disingenuous. I mean, Jon tried spinning it to him having a realization about the seriousness of writing a bully character and its affects on his audience back then, but I called bull to that (not directly since I was being nice about it) considering he spent a decade writing one (you already know who I’m referring to) as a primary bully antagonist before deciding to put her on an actual redemption story. Like, this guy should already know the “attachments” people get to bully characters portrayed in media. He’s a victim of bullying himself, so it’s not like he didn’t know this already.

No. It became pretty clear to me that Tracy’s whole bully persona that Jon wrote and planned for originally had become an inconvenience for him when he decided to make Peter & Whitney, with the mouse being reintroduced with the personality actually based on the real-life version of Tracy. But he was still getting negative comments around her in both comics due to her first appearance in Peter & Company, so he decided to softly but abruptly end that part of her in both comics to save his own butt and “convince” others that she’s redeemed.

Yeah, it bears repeating but the way Tracy has been handled has just been a colossal failure in both comics. I don’t know what else to add to that what you just said.

[letterstobojack]

Letter to Bojack with Love - Emma Trussant - France

Hey Bojack...��

(Sorry If my english sucks, I'm a frenc frog soooooo...)

How can I express myself without doing too much? It’s really not easy. What can I say, if it’s only a big thank you, I’m talking to Bojack, but I’m also talking to all the creative teams behind who have done a crazy job. We spent time together, it’s funny to think that I know you, Bojack, but you don’t know us. The world is so beautiful and cruel at the same time. It is so difficult today to find its place. We’re looking for each other and somehow you helped me find me. I cried, I laughed with you. Thoughts so deep, sometimes stupid that you and your friends might have had, it’s funny because we have them all. Today I am studying in the audiovisual sector, to be behind the camera. You are totally involved. I’ve always loved to create, I draw, I sculpt, I make music and singing and when I saw you, I wanted to touch another, larger universe than cinema. I don’t care if I’m famous or not, I don’t care if I’m struggling my whole life maybe and not making a lot of money. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to be able to do what I love. Without realizing it, you were one of the most decisive years for my future. The loss of my father, those moments of loneliness that made me a lonely person, who was partying too much and getting lost. But I felt like I was finding you and your friends (well I don’t have your success and I didn’t create as many disasters as you) but my life almost became one. I loved you and I hated you. Maybe because you made me think too much about the worlds around me, has this feeling of loneliness but sometimes happiness. Waow. Just Waow. It’s a strange feeling though when a character behind a screen breaks a barrier in someone’s heart and becomes so real. You are not a horse with no name, you are Bojack Horseman. The person who managed to convince a horny young girl that yes in life must make sacrifices, that we go through periods where life is a hell but that deep down we must do what we love and not let the word happiness make us shit, only to find ourselves again, don’t lose sight of who you really are.

You’ve been afraid of failure your whole life, you’ve hurt a lot of people maybe but you’ve done me a lot of good and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I would also like to convey to all the teams behind you a lot of love and a deep respect for this colossal work. Maybe someday I’ll have a bojack to work with, a bojack to shine a thousand lights, like it makes you shine. Thank you for proving to the world that the art of animation, of cinema, of writing touches and will always touch the world.

Thank you again, Bojack. I love you very much.

I consider you a bit like the borderline dad that I may have had and that I miss. You comfort me and soothe me. Thank you.

[constantvariations]

I can't help but feel we're somehow having very different conversations. I'm very aware of the many issues regarding the writing of RWBY as a whole and the White Fang in particular, so for that to be your goal is rather odd and, frankly, annoying

Also, I must ask when was the last time you watched RWBY because you keep getting things mixed up, like claiming Corsac was the brother killed when it was actually Fennec or quoting Cinder saying Glynda sealing the breach as a "colossal failure" when her actual words are, "All in all, I call today a success." I've avoided correcting these because it's pedantic and unnecessary, but it's not exactly lending you any credibility

It's in the white fang meeting, that's how he convinces them to listen to him cause they weren't willing to listen otherwise- and then the volume 2 commentary confirms it. They literally state his reason- the commentary states it as well He literally says "he didn't sigh up for that and it wasn't the same"

Once again, I am not taking writer commentary into consideration. That's what death of the author means (and, no, it does not absolve them of their racist intent). If they wanted people to interpret a scene a certain way, they should've written it that way

Unless your copy of RWBY is radically different from mine, you're misremembering things because I've watched that White Fang rally multiple times this week not only for this discussion but for my own project. Not once does he mention a tower or robot opposition. Watching Tukson's scene right now and he does not state his reason. In fact, Emerald is the one to inform the audience that Tukson is running to Vacuo right before she goads him into attacking

Blake speaks of something that happens offscreen- if we're to take that at face value then we also need to take Pyrrha saying that they joined team RWBY and battled murderers during volume there where they're chilling by the ramen stand I'm taking what they write with a grain of salt, I'm still waiting for weiss's "they been at war with my family for years" bit to be true

Reading comprehension seems to be selective here.

You also have a habit of cherry picking when to listen to characters despite you earlier saying, "So I defer to the character... cause when I'm watching a show I normally don't assume they're lying." I also don't believe Weiss when she says this considering we spend several volumes in Atlas and not once does it come up, but either we take characters at their word or we need to scrub the series for evidence, not both

Another discrepancy is your willingness to let faunus get away with doing bad things because they "can't consent if they're nonexistent mouthpieces" yet you hold all of humanity accountable for their actions against the faunus. Which is it: are we to let actions slide because fictional characters can't consent to the things they're written to do or are we to judge them for both action and inaction within the story?

You can't jump from Doylist analysis to Watsonian when it suits your narrative. Ideally, you use both to balance and bolster your claims rather than one or the other

Unwarranted and not appreciated.

I can't help but notice you missed the entire last section of my response, so I'll put it here for convenience's sake

We aren't discussing if Remnant is worth saving or how the humans are worse. The question is: does the label of terrorist apply to the White Fang?

Whether they're being manipulated into it or not, even if their goal of faunus liberation is an objectively good one, the result remains the same: indiscriminate chaos, destruction, and death that spreads fear to the public at large in the name of a political agenda

Aka terrorism

Weiss's line "Not every story has a neat and tidy ending" is an absolutely buckwild thing to say to someone freaking out about how they don't know what the true goal of the people who just let loose a horde of grimm on a civilian city

Girl, this ain't about a messy ending to a fictional tale, this is about a terrorist attack wtf!!!

[sonofthesaiyans]

Most USELESS AOT Character

I already said my piece on the alliance this week, and there’s a lot of reasons to hate it for the fact that we have the series’ original protagonists aligning with and forgiving the worst war criminals in the story, the ones who caused Eren to initiate his cataclysm upon the world. And I’m sure the reasons for why the alliance is so heavily mocked don’t there. 

But the dishonor of being the most useless member still goes to Gabi Braun. 

Literally the ONLY thing Gabi does for the goddamned alliance, something that only became “necessary” in part due to her own actions in provoking Eren. 

Yeah, Gabi shot Floch. Possibly the only character to have fewer fans, I might assume. But for someone who is the subject of all those tacky “FAZE” memes on Twitter and elsewhere, the little shit didn’t make it count in the ONE moment where she actually was justified in shooting a gun. 

Isayama was never shy about his malicious intentions or his many, many plot contrivances and this is just another instance of such. Gabi shot Floch in defense of the ship carrying the seaplane. Which may have bought the group time to escape, but her failure to land a fatal shot on the son of a bitch still resulted in him sabotaging the plane in his suicidal assault on the alliance, which in turn led to Hange Zoe senselessly sacrifcing herself for time the plane didn’t have anyway........Making this little bitch indirectly responsible for Hange’s death. ON TOP OF SASHA’S. 

I cannot comprehend why people enjoy Isayama’s writing, if a guy needs to produce that many coinciding moments between characters and subplots to move his worthless final arc forward, maybe he’s not what he’s cracked up to be. Gabi just very coincidentally hits Sasha after boarding the blimp shortly after their first encounter, she just HAPPENS to run into Sasha’s family, which is still an enormously offensive subplot by the way......she just HAPPENS to miss the second-worst Yeagerist when she’s never missed before......And boom, she’s got the blood of not one, but TWO of the show’s best girls on her hands. 

And it doesn’t get any better for Gabi after this, Falco is the one pulling all their weight between the two of them and Gabi is still the worst equipped to fight Eren or the Colossals under his command, because one fucking rifle ain’t got jackshit on people trained specifically to kill Titans, even less on the Ackermans who are practically bred for that purpose. Not to mention the other Titan Shifters, Falco included. 

So all of this buildup with Gabi and a very ill-advised “redemption” arc just so she could shoot the second biggest douchebag on the show and miss. We lost Sasha just so she could continually screw up repeatedly in her attempts to stop the Rumbling. 

Sorry, but shooting Floch is NOT enough to validate all the focus on Gabi. And it is nowhere near enough to redeem her of her crimes. At this stage, CONNIE FUCKING SPRINGER was more of an asset to the team than this little shit. Yeah, I went there. Quote me on that if you like. 

And let me be straight up with you people, even in a series about child soldiers, do you honestly take the image of a twelve-year old with a sniper rifle twice her size in her hand seriously? Are we supposed to rally to her side, is that supposed to be badass? 

There’s no debating how overpowered Gabi is when lined up with everyone who has years on her combat experience. There is no way she should have walked away so cleanly when she repeatedly threw herself in the path of death. 

And if you are still not convinced of how insulting her actual role in this story is, here’s a tidbit from those morons on CBR.com. https://www.cbr.com/attack-on-titan-gabi-best-sniper/ TOTALLY NOT A SASHA REPLACEMENT. Except even CBR thinks she is, and yeah. That seems to be the only reason she’s here. And I’m not fucking okay with that. There’s no valid reason why Sasha isn’t here for the final act. 

Instead of giving Sasha her all, Isayama gives it all to some nobody from out of nowhere who never even receives the Armored Titan she was banking on getting. That at least would be something but no, we just got a twelve-year old given bullshit excuse after bullshit excuse for why she shouldn’t die in a story where she causes a disproportionate number of problems for the main cast. 

She simply doesn’t do enough to make up for her most infamous action. And nobody is really willing to acknowledge her part in Hange’s own death. Girl who “never misses” until the moment where her skill, SASHA’S SKILL, needed to count for every shot. Literally. 

So sorry Hajime Isayama. but after all this time you spent building up Gabi as the ace in the hole, I’m NOT buying it. 

There is no Attack on Titan without Sasha or Hange. 

Also, we need an “anti snk 132″ tag. Someone please make one official. 

[dustjacketmusings]

R/hys not telling f/eyre about the baby is such a colossal failure by s/jm on multiple levels. It's just so dumb.

It has gross anti choice connotations. Books do not have to mimic real life, but we live in a time where the pro life vs pro choice rhetoric is very loud. So regardless of whether pr/ythian believes in a women's right to choose or know about her body, s/jm is making a very pointed message by including that plotline for a modern audience. And even besides the knee jerk reaction of how awful it is for female readers to see a man keep health info from his wife in 2020, s/jm having her female character willingly and gladly bear a child that will absolutely kill her has disgusting implications for every real life woman who might prioritize... idk living over giving birth. Or even prioritize having multiple children over one that kills her. No, fe/yre absolutely should prioritize that foetus that she'll orphan and never be able to hold over actually raising her child.

It destroys the idea that R/hys got a happily ever after. Fans of Rh/ys have defended his actions by saying that he was buckling under the trauma of war and realization that his mate was going to die. Which could be interesting, I suppose, if that were the point of the book. Except that R/hys has had three books for his character development and generally speaking he should be better off than before. There is a particular brand of betrayal here. S/jm gave a happy ending and then messed it up. She said "look how happy they are after the war. They're so much better off! New beginnings! Oh but wait R/hys will absolutely crack under the weight of leadership and I'm not going to fix that because his books are done (:" the purpose of books is to give characters an arc. To achieve something. What was his arc if he's just going to crack like a walnut under pressure like that? How unsatisfying for fans to have an author give them a happy ending and then undo that one book later, with no effort to fix it.

It also undermines f/eyre's position and threatens their relationship. Yes, fe/yre was likely gonna die and that must have been horrifying for R/hys to think about (cry me a river). But there is an inherent dismissal of f/eyre as a resource that irritates me given that she's his wife and also co-ruler (and the problem solver of pervious books). S/jm is telling me that R/hys went to multiple information sources and never considered that his wife, cursebreaker, the unique creature with the power of seven high lords, defender of the rainbow or whatever titles she's got, might have a solution? That f/eyre herself might be able to figure it out? No! Her knowledge is inherently useless, only everyone else can figure this out. And! He's going to die too! So, when the chips are down and his court is under threat... R/hys trusts his advisors to help him (and even that's suspect) and not his co-ruler. When presented a problem he doesn't know how to fix, he does not lean on his other half for support, he hides it from her. This is supposed to be a healthy relationship that I'm supposed to find endearing? I don't think so. But wait, wasn't this exactly the relationship issue that they supposedly sorted out earlier in their relationship? It is! In fact they had supposedly worked past R/hys issues with keeping secrets. So his choice to keep this from f/eyre also undoes that relationship progress - he very quickly reverts to his old ways. It turns out that they never did learn to communicate, now they're just married and co-dependent. Relationship goals (sarcasm).

It's just sad that s/jm's really willing to undo the majority of her previous books in terms of relationship progress and character development so that she could write what has to be one of the most horrific pregnancy plotlines I've ever read. If she's gonna go through all that effort, make it interesting and not just pregnancy trauma porn. Lord.

[mojjisxng]

when reality blows up in your face (literally)

chapter 1- ‘that damned potion’

member- heeseung

word count- 1.1k

warnings- none

a/n- I’VE FINALLY WRITTEN IT AFTER A MASSIVE BREAK FROM WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it’s not very long and probably horribly written. this is my first scenario in my fairytale au ‘series’; i’m very excited for this. the first scenarios for each member will be setting up their character and their situation, and later scenarios will get into their actual journeys. well i hope so anyways ahaha. so anyways, i hope at least one person enjoys this <333

in which heeseung is an apprentice at Wendlyn’s apothecary; he’s good at everything, well almost everything. he just can’t seem to perfect one particular potion, which leads him on a journey to discover his true abilities...

KABOOM!! electric blue explosions seemed to pause the dreary weather for half a second, before the granite clouds continued their miserable performance, as pitiful rain came back into view. at the back of the quaint apothecary, a frustrated and slightly singed heeseung sighed in defeat, as he loosely held the remnants (literally one shard of glass) of a conical flask in between his thumb and forefinger which was dripping in blood. it had failed again; another one of heeseung’s attempts at making that damned reality shifting potion, which was meant to be a swirling bright blue liquid, usually allowing people to teleport to different realities when ingested. in heeseung’s case, the potion merely exploded, shaking every shop on the main street. every. single. time. the poor boy was sick and tired of his failure, yet hope still managed to bloom in his chest that he may succeed even after countless attempts. after all, the explosion was the right colour this time, much to heeseung’s bewilderment. however, as quickly as the feeling of joy flashed into his heart, it was swept away just as fast, by the remembrance that he had to clean the entire shop as well as the insane amount of mess he had created.

eventually, an exhausted heeseung gave the swinging sign above the doorway, which read ‘the hidden universe apothecary: helping with your aches and ailments since 1346’, one last lick of paint, before he could clock off for the day without a scolding from his younger yet surprisingly professional boss. the young apprentice snatched up is bag and tattered cloak, locked up the apothecary and set off trudging to pay for the light damages to baker’s across the street, which had been hit by the colossal explosion just a couple of hours earlier. after the awkward yet fairly friendly exchange with the kind baker boy, heeseung traipsed back to the cramped two-bedroom house he shared with his mother, who sold woven goods from their home.

as soon as the lanky boy stepped a foot onto the flagstone of the dimly lit living room, his mother looked up at him over the brim of her rounded spectacles and chided with a slight eye roll, that heeseung did indeed see, “i’m guessing by the smell of burning emitting from you and the ash all over your face, that you failed that potion yet again.”

“it was the correct colour this time though,” heeseung retorted, turning his nose up, “a blinding electric blue in fact.”

“well at least there’s been some improvement to your efforts, but what would your grandfather say if he saw you struggling so much to perfect the reality shifting potion that he mastered at the age of twelve. then again, it’s his absence that has meant you have gone without proper training for so many years.”

“if he would be that disappointed, it’s a good thing he’s been buried for god knows how many years then isn’t it?” heeseung snapped, as his mother gave him a disapproving scowl. she knew how hard it was for her son to try to live up to the name of the great merlin, his grandfather; and it irritated her as much as heeseung, that he could not grasp the manufacturing of the ancient potion. “i’m sorry to nag all of the time my son, but you’re an absolute ace at everything you’ve ever set your heart on doing, so it hurts me to see you struggle so much,” she exclaims apologetically. at hearing his mother’s sweet words, heeseung approaches his mother and bends down to engulf her into a tight hug, just like he did when he was a child. “i’m sorry mother, i guess all of the added pressure has got to me, but i’m going to succeed. i’ll try with all of my might. in fact, i’ve been planning to seek out some of my grandfather’s friends, both students and teachers of his, in order to improve my magic skills. if you would let me of course.” the middle-aged woman in front of him blinked, trying to process what her son had proposed, but after a minute she spoke up again, “of course you can go sweetheart, but you have to be careful, there’s a lot of evil out there, just as much as there is goodness. so if you’re setting off on this important yet dangerous journey, you will have to keep this around your neck at all times.” heeseung’s mother then produced a gleaming chunk of black jade threaded through a thin silver chain. ‘ahhhh…black jade…it helps to protect me from evil and negativity on new adventures,’ heeseung thought, as his mother roughly shoves it over his head, in turn, tousling his brown locks.

about an hour and many shed tears later, heeseung waves goodbye to his mother from the end of the garden path up to his house, promising her that he will keep safe and eat regular meals. his first stop however, is to slip a note into the apothecary to notify his boss of his plans, hoping, actually more like praying, that his boss understands, even though deep down, he knows his boss is too kind to scold him and will appreciate the apprentice’s efforts further down the line.

with that job over with, heeseung weaves his way through the streets, swinging his battered old suitcase to the beat of the wind, withhis head held high. “i’ll show everyone that i’m no dithering fool. i can master this potion and so much more. i can do this. just be confident, just be confident, JUST BE CONFIDENT,” he muttered to himself, yet the slightly crazed mantra actually rose to a yell, earning him some confused stares by some concerned villagers. gradually, he reached the entrance to the great enchanted woods which stretched out for kilometres, covering the ground with gigantic looming trees, shrouding the nearby city from both the wonders and horrors held inside. upon peering through the bars of the intricate golden gate that guarded the pitch black woods, heeseung couldn’t help but to feel a strange concoction of fear and wonder creep up into his chest, making him smile at the new adventure ahead of him.

whether the grin painted across his face was genuine or just there to mask his growing terror, he did not know, but he was sure he would be finding out soon enough.

[ourmondobongo]

Idk if it's because I got late into Tumblr - and probably Hanji's analyses are many chapters/years ago to go research for it -, but I've got the slight impression we don't talk enough about Hanji Zoë...

Like, Hans is more than just some captivating "crazy" character in AOT. Hans is more than a replacement for Erwin, or worse, a"failure" shadowing him. And more than a source for any ships' content...

What I meant is that, yeah, I know I've got here late, and I know I've lost many cool stuff people definitely must have written about Hans (and I'm looking for them and I know it's my own problem lol). But I'm being genuinely sincere when I say I would like to see more Hanji, only and solely Hanji material more frequently...

And idk if it's because the more I myself write about her, the more I suffer remembering her ending...

It's just that... I miss Hans a lot. And, God, this hurts.

So If you read this and have any indications of analyses, metas, and blogs only or mostly focused on Hanji's character, I would really give you a colossal virtual hug if you could put links in the comments (or even reblog the answer in this)!!!

Thanks in advance to whoever may respond to this!