#werepire flip

[pupcat-catpup]

werepire age regressor (left), werepire caregiver (right)

werepire flip (left), werepire babysitter (right)

werepire pet regressor (left), werepire age/pet deamer (right)

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I got inspired by @zack-agere 's age, pet, and caregiver flags!!

[ravenstakeflight]

@werepires hey! this is the writing sideblog of fixation-central <3 i just,,, wrote a quick prose poem abt that concept and will probably write an actual fic later but i do need to get to going stuff-

he's twenty-two. he is twenty-two and he is in law school. he is twenty-two, and he's in law school, and he's learning about divorce negotiations and family structures in his required civil law course at standford.

and, well.

there's a flash of memory.

he's eight and tired from his first ever hunt. dad had left him and dean alone in their seedy motel, and dean had forced him to eat the little bit of on-sale salad and equally-seedy cheerios they'd had. he'd been exhausted.

when he'd been woken up by his concerned teacher, he'd apologized sleepily. "'m sorry, de. is dad back yet, do we need to leave?" and a yawn. he hadn't realized what he'd said until his teacher's face had fallen.

he still remembers the way that dean had pulled him close and hugged him, gentle and caring of the bruises from when they'd been sparring, after he'd had to do some fast talking to get them both out of trouble. and there's still a part of him that remembers his first few nights in stanford's dorms, the beds too quiet without the sounds of dean - either right next to him or in the other bed, if dad was gone - breathing, or drawing salt lines on the windowsills and doors, or flipping through some of bobby's old books.

... they'd both passed it off as a joke. at the time, his eight-year-old self hadn't understood why dean's eyes had been wet when his teacher had pulled him aside, when he'd come to pick him up.

but now?

he's twenty-two. he's twenty-two, and he's in stanford, and still he remembers how his dad hadn't really raised him.

it had been dean all along.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Since you’ve done a list of HR heroes ranked by how likely they are to get pegged, can you do the same for IAD heroes?

Ummmmmm yes lol. THANKS. I will leave out Cas and Mirceo from Shadow's Seduction, as they're together, have dicks, and enjoy fucking each other with them, so I don't think we need to clarify that.

Random one-off future heroes or just someone else:

Kristoff: sweeping prediction, if any IAD hero gets pegged on the page it's gonna be Kristoff because he's with literal valkyrie queen Furie

Heath the Werepire: he has lost his werewolfitude and ability to love... can his fated mate Kosmina teach him to enjoy a prostate massage again? Find out in Heath's book!

Thad: can't comment because even though he's thousands of years old, he's baby, and I KNOW he's tried to talk to Lothaire about some some feminist sex conference he's been to at his local university, and I know he was like "have you ever attempted to use a butt plug on yourself while attempting to understand the patriarchy Mr. Lothaire", and I know Lothaire broke his legs again

Rune Darklight, Sweet Ruin. Listen I've gotta say, Rune gets pegged multiple times a week, and anyone who wants to fight me can talk to the wall.

Murdoch Wroth, Untouchable. So Murdoch and Dani are into it, and I'm absolutely sure she pegged him with an icicle off-page in that book.

Cadeon Woede, Dark Desires After Dusk. Cade has been pegged often, he's into it, and Holly is down for it even if she has drink some margaritas beforehand.

Conrad Roth, Dark Needs at Night's Edge. Conrad and Neomi do it, they enjoy it, it's kinda therapeutic, they cry, and he for sure rips the strap off her and fucks the shit out of her. Every time. I can see how this would be written, and it is vivid.

Lothaire Daciano, Lothaire. NOT AS HIGH AS YOU WOULD THINK!!!! Obviously, Ellie pegs Lothaire, duh. But do I think it's a top priority? No. However, I also think that Ellie and Lothaire's sex life is very dependent on this idea that she's a brat and he just can't handle her and then he snaps, so like. There are OTHER acts that probably suit them more. When they do it, I imagine much blood is shed and sheets have to be burned.

Thronos Talos, Dark Skye. Obviously, Thronos was raised by the Magical Mormon Angels, so he has some religious conditioning to unpack, but Lanthe is about it and we know canonically that Thronos ate his own cum out of her on the reg so. I'm sure it's a regular thing.

Bowen MacRieve, Wicked Deeds on a Winter's Night. Bowen and Mariketa have one of the earlier sorta of semi-femdom scenes in the series, the first time they have sex when Mariketa uses tree vines to magically restrain Bowen while they're fucking because he's in Beast mode. I think EVERY werewolf has been pegged, because they're inherent pleasers. I think BOWEN has been pegged while the Beast is out, with the help of Mari's magic.

Nikolai Wroth, The Warlord Wants Forever. I think Myst has a pretty dominant energy, and I'm sure it's come up and been tried because Nikolai actually isn't that experienced. Do I think it's enjoyed? Yes. Do I think it's routine? No.

Sebastian Wroth, No Rest for the Wicked. UMMMM I think that's a yes. However, I actually don't think they do it often, because Kaderin is like... yeah, she chains him up and sucks him off while he's chained, but Kaderin is surprisingly into his big unexpected shows of dominance. So when it does happen, I think he flips the game on her and starts riding it.

Munro MacRieve, Munro. One of the least toxically masculine IAD heroes, for sure Munro was pegged before he met Kereny (because he was a slut) and he would be pegged after.

Sian Infernas, Wicked Abyss. Sian is someone who I feel like probably said something homophobic about pegging in the past, but he learned, got better, and is ultimately a simp.

Lachlain MacRieve, A Hunger Like No Other. I think that Lachlain is probably not SUPER into pegging, but I also think that what Emma wants, Emma gets. Like, Emma is def getting pregnant before this series is over, whether or not Lachlain wants to wait until after the Apocalypse. If she pegged him while drinking his blood, I think he'd be SUUUUUPER into it.

Declan Chase, Dreams of a Dark Warrior. I think DC has a lot of trauma and control issues surrounding that trauma, but I also think Regin is into it, he's into getting beaten up by Regin, and he'd probably be down if it was REEEEEEEALLY kinky. Like, restraints, blindfolds, gags, she's telling him an elaborate story during.

Uilleam MacRieve, MacRieve. Obviously, MacRieve has a lot of sexual trauma, and I do think he's very control-based, but once he finds his zen with Chloe he seems really loosey-goosey about sex, soooooo. I'm sure it's happening. Buuuut it didn't happen before Chloe, because I think it's canon that after he grew up, MacRieve only had sex doggy style in full Beast mode until her. He didn't even EAT PUSSY until Chloe. He was a LOST MAN. That's why all the other werewolves looked at him with SADNESS and PITY. He was the Rudolph of Clan MacRieve, but instead of being a red-nosed reindeer he was the one who had not performed cunnilingus with VERVE AND PANACHE.

Garreth MacRieve, Pleasure of a Dark Prince. OBVIOUSLY. OBVIOUSLY. Garreth has been pegged, and he will be pegged again, but I actually don't think he and Lucia do it often because like... Lucia is reeeeally subby with Garreth. And you can be submissive and peg someone, but I just feel like their dynamic is very "you're tired, I take care of you", and I don't think they do it much. Not because of a lack of desire, but I think that Garreth and Lucia have like, extremely passionate yet interestingly vanilla sex. But it's so weirdly emotional that it somehow seems kinky. Garreth and Lucia look into each other's eyes as they kiss, tongues and all.

Trehan Daciano, Shadow's Claim. Eh. I don't think Trehan is that adventurous, and I don't think Bettina's that curious. Give them a while.

Malkolm Slaine, Demon from the Dark. So Malkolm, I think, would be potentially open to it? But he's very very traumatized from the abuse he suffered as a child, and I think it would be too stressful.

Rydstrom Weode, Kiss of a Demon King. Yeah so Sabine is very much too lazy to do this, Rydstrom would never trust her to care for sex toys or lube so it's a lot of work, and I'll be honest, I looooove Rydstrom, he is a TOP hero for me, but lol, Rydstrom is NOT down for that.

[envydean]

Tagged by the wonderful @gayjensenackles

*Highlight your choices*

painting or photography // dusk or dawn // spring or autumn // movies or tv shows // chocolate or nutella // audiobooks or podcasts // card games or board games // fiction or nonfiction // cookies or brownies // dragons or unicorns // bath or shower // blue or yellow // rollercoasters or bumper cars // iced tea or hot tea // left side of bed or right side of bed  // zip-up hoodie or pullover hoodie // straight hair or curly hair // gummy worms or gummy bears // rain or snow // sneakers or flip-flops // bowling or mini-golf // pasta or pizza

the bed one tripped me up, it’s the right side as you look at the bed from the bottom :’) 

I’m tagging: @deansmultitudes, @werepires, @cr-noble-writes, @fangirlingtodeath513, @malicmalic , @hannahctwk, @destiel-wings :) no pressure :D

[dilutedmayowater]

HE WOULDa FLIPPED TF OUT

imagine we got a french mostake redo or part two where he meets werepire husbands and he just turns to sam (and mayhaps cas if he goes w em) like I TOLD YOU FUCKERS. SAY ITS WITH ME. WEREPIRE ‼️‼️‼️

rip dean winchester. you would love that you were right about the werepire

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Adventurous Eaters Club

I’m back! I’ve actually also got a post coming up for Onion Pie from this book, but that one is a lot more complex (friends how the heckles do I put videos up on this hellsite? Is it truly. just one per post?  Can I embed?  Send assistance.), so for now!  Let’s make what Misha and Vicki call:

(I call this Toad in a Hole.  Anyone else?)

Just as a reminder of how all of this works:

One hundred percent of author proceeds from Misha’s cookbook go to charity, including the following: 

The Edible Schoolyard 

The Garden School Foundation 

Whatcom Farm-to-School Fund

One week after each blogpost I do for this little adventure, I will count up the notes on that post and donate $1 per note to one of the above, or to @randomactsorg​.

If you make a donation to any of these (in any amount!) or buy Misha’s cookbook and send me the receipt in my asks I will match your donation AND you can pick the next thing I cook!

Let’s get brekky started, under the cut!

This is a pretty easy recipe, and a fun way to eat eggs.  It’s also great if you are low on supplies and/or funds because all it requires is: bread, butter, eggs, and salt.  

Because breakfast isn’t served here without the additions of onions and bacon, I added those and a few more seasonings.  You do not have to.

Start with bread.

Excuse whatever is happening with my cutting board, I promise its clean.

Also, OP why is the bread on a cutting board.  It’s pre-sliced, you say!

Ah, well it’s because we must now make the pirate eyes (or nests. or holes for the toad.  whatever you want to term them).

The book says to use the rim of a drinking glass, and I took this very seriously:

The Jim Beam logo denotes that yes, this glass truly is for Drinking.  Dean, sit down it’s not time for whiskey yet.

(also please excuse claw-hand.  shiver me timbers, etc.)

Press this into each slice to make a hole.

Not the prettiest I’ve ever seen but it’ll do, toad.  It’ll do.

Whilst rimming your bread, also preheat a cast-iron (or any other, but cast-iron is preferred always) skillet over medium heat and melt some butter in it.

Because I am awesome, I already had mine on to caramelize some onions.

Simply scooch them over to the side and place your bread and cutouts, browning on one side for about 2 minutes.

Flip em over and crack an egg into each one (I prefer to crack into a ramekin or small shallow bowl first but it’s not necessary.

Look at ‘em, gorgeous.

Misha adds a sprinkle of salt here.  I added salt, pepper, and a smidge of garlic powder.  Next, the book says to cover the pan and let the eggs set for ab three minutes, then pop it out and you’re done.

Because I was trying to get L to eat these, I actually flipped them over to get the eggs a little firmer (spoiler alert, he did not eat these bc “eggs are disgusting mommy” and therefore next time they will remain pretty and sunny side up).

Anyway, if you like them firmer, you can flip once you see the bubbles in the whites start to set, and the underside will look like this:

Once out - I topped with the onions and some hot sauce because we are refined here.

If you’re vegetarian, you can stop at this juncture of my modifications and dig in.

Werewolves, werepires, wendigos, etc. may add bacon.

(cooked on a sheet pan at 400 F for approximately 15 minutes while making everything else, then drained on paper towels and broken up into thirds.  I used 6 total slices).

I like to put the pirate eyes on top like lil’ hats:

aren’t they cute?! have a profile view.

and of course, Misha’s no-frills version which is also perfectly splendid in its delightful simplicity:

Happy eating!

[ponykidcurtis]

WEREPIRE WEREPIRE WEREPIRE WEREPIRE

this is half for u and half for an idea i started in whumptober and predictably never finished :) anyway buck gets taken by hunters and fucked up for multiple chapters it's gonna be fun (there's a third installment planned too that's slightly less evil)

a snippet for u:

And then he freezes. The scent hits him all at once, so strong he nearly chokes on it. Gunpowder, silver—it’s overwhelming. The added tang of mistletoe, faint but unmistakable, makes Buck’s stomach flip.

Instinctively, Buck steps in front of Eddie and Hen, throwing an arm up to keep them behind him. His drink slips from his grip and hits the ground. The lid pops off, spilled latte trailing down the station driveway as the cup rolls away. But it doesn’t matter because—because there’s a hunter, no denying that now, and they’re so close—

“Buck?” Hen asks, startled and concerned.

Buck scans the street, tensed and ready for a threat. The urge to shift crawls up his spine. His gaze sweeps over the construction at the corner and—there. Two men in vests and hard hats, looking every inch the part they’re trying to play, save for the fact that they don’t appear to actually be doing anything. The rest of the site is busy, but one man is leaning back against some scaffolding fiddling with something in his hands, and the other is staring at Buck.

His expression is flat, unreadable, but he locks eyes with Buck and doesn’t look away for a long, long moment. Buck thinks he might be sick.

[thelastspeecher]

No title, but here’s a short little thing in the Werepire Stangie AU that we discussed on the discord yesterday.  Enjoy.

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              “Thank you both for coming,” Ford said to Angie and Stan, opening the door to his study.  Stan raised an eyebrow.

              “Uh, you’re welcome?  I mean, we live here, so it’s not like it’s a big trip,” Stan replied.  Angie snorted quietly.  Ford ignored the snark and stood to the side so Stan and Angie could file in. “So, whattaya want from us?”

              “Now that we are on speaking terms, I have a few questions. Particularly pertaining your relationship.”

              “Oh, boy,” Angie muttered.  She rubbed her forehead.  “What exactly are ya askin’ us regardin’ our relationship?”

              “Well, first off, does Stan drink from you regularly?” Ford asked.  He walked over to his desk, flipped open his journal, and held a pen over a blank page.

              “No.”  Angie frowned at Stan, but the expression had no malice behind it.  “He says my blood tastes gross.  Which is awful rude.”

              “I’m just telling the truth,” Stan said, shrugging.  Angie rolled her eyes.  “All right, was that it?  ‘Cause we’ve got plans to-”

              “No, I have more questions,” Ford interrupted.  Stan groaned.

              “Great,” he groaned.  Angie elbowed him.

              “Hush,” she said.  She nodded at Ford.  “Go ahead, Stanford.”

              “Thank you, Angie.”  Ford cleared his throat.  “The second question I have regards your, ah, intimate interactions.”

              “…Care to clarify?” Angie said after a moment.

              “Sure.  Do you copulate?  And if so, how?” Ford asked.  Angie stared at him, slack-jawed.  There was a small ruckus from elsewhere in the house, but Ford ignored it.

              “What does copulate mean?” Stan asked.  Angie kneaded her forehead.

              “Stan, he’s askin’ ‘bout our sex life,” she whispered.  Stan’s face turned red.  Well, as red as it could get, now that he was a vampire.

              “Ford, what the fuck!” Stan shouted.  “Why the hell would you ask that, you perv!”

              “Look, if you do in fact, ah, engage in coitus, I’m curious as to how that occurs,” Ford protested.  “I mean, Stan, you don’t really have a heartbeat anymore, so therefore, any blood flow is minimal, including to your-”

              “Okay, bye,” Angie said, turning around and exiting Ford’s study.  Stan just stared at Ford silently.  Ford sighed.

              “I suppose I’ll have to hold off on the questions concerning her specifically.”

              “And what would those questions be?” Stan asked, crossing his arms.  Ford tapped his chin with his pen.

              “Actually, no, I could probably ask them of you as well.  Stanley, do you only have sex with Angie when she’s in heat?”

              “When she’s in-”  Stan let out an empty laugh.  “Holy fucking balls, Poindexter.”

              “Well?”

              “I’m not answering that shit.  Go read a book on werewolves or whatever, okay?”  Stan left the room and sniffed the air, then followed Angie’s scent outside. She looked over at him as he joined her on the back porch.

              “Hello there,” she purred.  Stan kissed the top of her head.

              “Hey, babe.”  Stan sat next to her.  “Ugh, sorry about Ford.  He’s the world’s dumbest genius, I swear.”

              “I get it.  Fidds can be like that, too.”

              “Yeah.”  Stan sighed heavily.  “It’s a good thing you left when you did, ‘cause you woulda punched him if you heard his next question.”

              “Oh, no, dear, I did hear.”  Angie pointed to her ear.  “Wolf hearin’, ‘member?”

              “…Right.”  Stan frowned at her.  “Why didn’t you go kick his ass into next week?”

              “‘Cause I don’t need to,” Angie replied, stretching lazily.  She grinned.  “Someone else’ll do it fer me.”

              “Who?” Stan asked.

              “The other person who overheard,” Angie said.  Her grin turned just the slightest bit vicious.

              “Stanford Filbrick Pines, what on God’s green Earth possessed ya to ask my lil sister those questions?” Fiddleford shrieked from inside the house. Angie chuckled.

              “Oh man, normally, I’d bounce to avoid two people who are dating having an argument, but I think this time, I wanna eavesdrop.”

              “Same,” Angie said.  She got up. “I think I might make some popcorn. This’ll be a real fun show.”

[janiedean]

The best way to enjoy TVD was to have minimal "Oh the pretty people are kissing? Nice" investment in ships because hardcore ship investment is a quick way to get your heart broken or to be deeply frustrated, and just enjoy the werepire/witch shenanigans and the characters bouncing off each other. And even though the later seasons were practically doing bike flips over the shark every week, I still maintain that the first seasons were Quality genre TV with pacing better than some prestige shows

oh 100% agreed like... I think the beginning of S1 was atrocious but since ric was introduced until the end of S3 it was a perfectly entertaining genre show which played its cards properly and didn’t assume it was anything more than what it was which made it work really well especially S2, then S4-5 had their ups and downs but they were still entertaining and then since S6 it was basically a continuous shark jump but like... that was what you were supposed to get from it, character interactions and the ships and ogling at whoever you thought was hot and whatever, if you hold tvd up to the standards you’d hold idk the sopranos you’re basically doing it and yourself a disservice bc some stuff isn’t meant to be the sopranos and that’s fine jfc

[xehanortsreport]

idontevenknowwhatthisis

ASDAFDSAF THIS IS SO FLIPPING DUMB ————————— “Why can’t you get your dad to do it? Isn’t he a vampire?” Josuke poked his head out from under his arms. “Are you kidding? He’s not JUST, a vampire, he’s also a Werewolf!” Koichi blinked. “So….he’s a Were..pire…?” “Yes! He’s a Werepire! And that’s makes him even more unbearable. I mean, he’s stronger, faster, his true form looks cooler then mine and…ugh…not to mention the thirst that man has… I tell you, NOTHING can quench it.” “Bro, what your dad needs is a good dirty mag. Has he tried reading "Morioh-Chorero”? It’s the best out there.“ Yukako whacked the back of Okuyasu’s head, while Koichi almost chocked on the juice he was drinking, leaving Josuke to almost fall out of his chair. "G-good lord Oku! That’s not what I meant by thirst!”

~~~~

IM LAUGHING IM OKU

[ponykidcurtis]

let the wolves come crashing through

this was gonna be a joke but i wrote 2k by accident. oops. anyway this is the werepire fic based off of that anon i got a while ago

“Buck,” Eddie says, “Halloween isn’t until next month.”

“Eddie,” Buck parrots, “I’m aware of that fact, thanks.”

They're at the station, settling down after a call. The crew is spread over the couches, taking whatever rest they can before the alarm rings again; and, as usual, that means they devolve into ribbing and jokes at the other's expense. Buck had just finished laughing uproariously at Hen's last quip when Eddie had cut in, and honestly, he's not entirely sure whether or not this is the lead up to a joke.

"Right," Eddie says. He lifts an eyebrow. "So what's with the teeth?" 

Buck blinks at him. "...the teeth?" 

"Yeah," Eddie insists, narrowing his eyes. "It looks like you're wearing fake fangs, or something."

Buck just looks even more confused. He opens his mouth to respond, and Eddie catches another flash of those sharp canines—unnaturally sharp. Like he's wearing some knock-off party store vampire teeth.

Buck gapes for a second, and then intelligently says, "Huh?"

"The teeth, man," Eddie repeats. "Why are they so sharp? What the hell are you wearing them for?" 

Eddie glances at Hen and Chim, and they're both just staring at him. Did they not see it? Why aren't they saying anything? 

"Eddie," Buck says slowly. He still looks so openly, adorably baffled. "...these are just my teeth." 

Eddie stares at him. He stares back. Neither of them blink. 

"I'm so confused," Eddie says finally. "Is this a prank or something?" 

Buck shares a look with Hen and Chim, tilts his head. Eddie looks back and forth between them. And then, suddenly, Buck sits up.

"Oh," he says, like he's just had a realization. "Oh my god, did I not tell you?" 

"Tell me what?" 

Hen snorts, and Buck shoots her a glare. Eddie has no idea what's happening.

"I thought you knew," Buck groans. "This is going to take so much explaining—" 

He cuts himself off and pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks up helplessly at Chim, then at Hen, but they both shrug. 

"You're on your own for this one, Buckaroo," Chim says. Buck sighs.

"Okay, okay," Buck says, and hops to his feet. "Come on."

He grabs Eddie by the wrist and practically drags him from the room, heading for the stairs. Hen and Chimney's laughter follows them from the loft, all the way to the bay doors, and Eddie is still hopelessly lost.

~~~

"Let me get this straight," Eddie says twenty minutes later, leaning back against his seat. "You're...a what?"

They're holed up in the back of the firetruck, for privacy, which is really mostly for Eddie's benefit—Buck knows most people don't react well when informed that their best friend is a so-called "creature of the night" and they didn't notice. It had taken a little demonstration to get Eddie to believe him, believe he wasn't just pranking, and now the poor guy is looking a little shell-shocked. 

"Werewolf-vampire hybrid," Buck explains again, smiling hesitantly. "Uh, the scientific classification is homo lycanthropus vampiris. Or something. Technically." 

"And you've always been that," Eddie says. 

"Yeah," Buck agrees. 

"And you're not just fucking with me," Eddie says again. He still looks unsure of the whole thing. 

"Definitely not just fucking with you," Buck agrees again. 

"Show me again," Eddie demands. Buck does. 

"Okay," Eddie says. He's still staring at Buck like it hasn't quite clicked, like he doesn't understand, but he's nodding. "Okay. I'm, uh—I'm gonna need a minute, I think." 

"Right, yeah," Buck says. "You want me to just…?" 

He gestures at the half-open door of the truck, already climbing out of his seat to head for it before Eddie can even agree. He hops out and shoots a look at Hen and Chimney, who are peeking over the railing of the loft to look down at him. Hen raises an eyebrow, and Buck just shrugs. He glanced back at Eddie, who's staring at his hands with a confused furrow to his brow, then backs away. The guy needs a minute. That's understandable. He needs to process.

And then the alarm rings. 

Buck hoists himself back into the truck on instinct, sliding in next to Eddie like usual. He cringes at the look on Eddie's face and offers, "Sorry." 

Then the others climb in across from them and they're off. They still have jobs to do—processing will have to wait. 

~~~

A few tense calls later, the crew piles back into the station for the end of their shift. Eddie had been quiet since his talk with Buck, and the others had let him be for a time—but now, as they're stripping their gear in the locker room and packing up to head home, he's looking at Buck like he wants to start asking questions.

"So you're like, half vampire, half werewolf, right?" Eddie asks, as the locker room empties out. Buck straightens up with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. 

"I guess?" Buck shrugs. He's not usually comfortable with all the questions, so he's a little on edge. But this is Eddie, so he'll deal. 

"Does that mean your dad was a werewolf, your mom was a vampire, or something?" 

"Other way around, but yeah." 

"So you were like...a werewolf vampire baby." 

"Yeah?" Eddie zips up his own bag and slings it over his shoulder, heading for the door. Buck follows. 

"I bet you had a crazy biting phase as a kid," Eddie says, flashing a grin. Buck lets out a startled laugh, because that's definitely not the direction he thought this was going to go. 

"Wait, is Maddie—" Eddie starts, and his eyes go wide again. 

"Yes," Buck says before he can finish, "We both are. Did you seriously just not notice?" 

"I'm not exactly the most observant," Eddie grumbles. He unlocks his truck and grabs Buck's bag from him, slinging it into the back seat alongside his own. 

Buck hops into the passenger seat, and it's quiet for another moment as they pull out of the parking lot and onto the road. He fiddles with the radio for a moment, trying to find a good station, but he can see Eddie fidgeting out of the corner of his eye, so he gives up and flips it off again.

"Alright, spit 'em out," Buck sighs, shooting Eddie an unimpressed look. "I know you've got more questions, and your fidgeting is annoying. What do you want to know?" 

"Uh, well," Eddie pauses, then starts again, "They're probably stupid." 

"They usually are," Buck deadpans. Eddie glares at him. "Ask them anyway."

"Fine, but if you laugh at me, you're walking the rest of the way." 

"No I'm not," Buck says, grinning when Eddie lifts a disparaging eyebrow at him, "but continue." 

"Okay, first of all, do you drink blood?" Eddie asks. Buck fights back a smile at the earnest and mildly concerned curiosity in his voice. 

"Sometimes," he answers honestly. "Not always. Bobby's cooking tastes better anyway." 

"Can you turn into a wolf?" Eddie asks, and it seems that now he's started, he can't stop—the questions keep coming. "If you can turn into a wolf, are you like, a vampire wolf? Do you drink wolf blood? Or do you still drink human blood as a wolf? Is it like a video game buff, where you stop being a vampire when you're a wolf? Or are they stackable, so you're both at once? Or—"

"Oh my god, Eddie," Buck cuts him off, unable to stifle his laugh this time. "Did you just compare my life to a video game?"

He was expecting shock, disbelief, maybe even anger, because those would be logical reactions to discovering the supernatural. But really, this response is just so Eddie. 

"Hey! I told you not to laugh," Eddie gripes half-heartedly. "Don't make me stop this car." 

"I'm sorry," Buck gasps out between bouts of laughter. "That's just—you're so ridiculous, I'm sorry—"

He dissolves into laughter again, and Eddie just makes a grumbled noise of indignation. They drive for another block before Buck gets a handle on himself again, enough to actually answer Eddie's questions.

"Okay, okay, I'm good, I'm done," Buck says, shifting in his seat and trying to compose himself. He sits up and holds his hand up, counting on his fingers as he answers. 

"Yes, I can turn into a wolf. No, I don't drink wolf blood. I mean, I guess I could? But I don't have to. I don't even know how that would work," he pauses and considers for a second, before shaking his head and continuing, "anyway, no, I don't drink human blood as a wolf either, but I guess I could do that too. If I wanted. And no, it's not like a video game buff, that's so—"

He snorts again, quickly covering his mouth to stifle another chuckle. "Sorry, sorry, I'm not gonna laugh again, I swear." 

"You can turn into a wolf," Eddie repeats. He's still looking at the road, but his voice is awestruck. 

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," Buck admits, "I'll show you sometime, maybe." 

Eddie goes quiet for a moment, and they're just pulling into his driveway when Buck speaks again. 

"And I'm not 'both at once' or whatever," he explains, "I'm a hybrid. It's like, a third option. An entirely seperate thing." 

"So you're..." Eddie thinks for a moment, "...a vampwolf."

Buck stares at him, face twisted into a mildly offended grimace. "Absolutely not." 

"A vampirewolf," Eddie says, turning to climb out of the truck. 

"No," Buck says. He follows him out, grabbing their bags from the back on his way. 

"Werevampire?" Eddie tries. He pays his pockets for his house key. Buck raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"No," Buck says, pulling the key out of Eddie's back pocket and handing it to him. Eddie smiles gratefully at him and moves to unlock the door.

"Wampire," Eddie says, and Buck just looks vaguely disgusted.

"What are you doing?" 

"Well I can't just call you a hybrid," Eddie tells him, "that sounds too clinical. It's weird. What am I supposed to call you?" 

"Just call me Buck, man." 

"Terrible idea. How about a...vaere-volf," Eddie puts on an over-the-top fake accent, sounding like a character out of an old Dracula movie.

"I hate you," Buck says, and steps inside. "Can we order a pizza?" 

"Yeah, I was thinking of trying that new sauce," Eddie agrees, "with the garlic and chicken? It looked good." 

"Sounds alright," Buck says. "You know I'll eat pretty much anything."

He flops onto the couch and grabs Eddie's laptop, pulling it towards him and flipping it open to make the order. He's just clicking onto the pizza place's website when Eddie suddenly looks up and says, "Hold on." 

"What?" Buck looks up at him. 

"Can you even eat garlic?" Eddie asks. He looks worried, suddenly. "I thought vampires couldn't have garlic? Dogs can't have garlic. Does that apply to werewolves too? Was I about to feed you something you're allergic to?" 

"Slow down, dude," Buck says, trying not to laugh again. "The garlic thing, about vampires, is a myth. I love garlic. I want so much garlic on this pizza. It's fine." 

The honest concern on Eddie's face is a little endearing, if Buck is being honest. He knows Eddie is just asking all the questions so that he can understand, and that's fine. It's nice, even.

"Okay, okay. As long as we're not ordering anything potentially dangerous for…" Eddie pauses, thinking, and then grins cheekily at Buck. "...a were-pire."

Buck just groans. "No."

~~~

Later, as they're finishing up the last slices of pizza and watching the end credits of a Marvel movie scroll across the screen, Eddie turns to look at Buck again.

"Just one more time," he says, "remind me this is really happening." 

"Definitely happening," Buck says.

"Remind me you're not just fucking with me," Eddie says.

"Definitely not just fucking with you," Buck assures him again.

"Okay," Eddie says, and seems to finally settle into the idea. "Can I see the teeth again?" 

AO3 | Ko-Fi

[thelastspeecher]

Werepire Stangie AU - Odd

I went through my Werepire Stangie doc today and discovered a scene that I had mostly written but never finished: Ford seeing his twin for the first time since Stan became a vampire.  So I sat down and finished it.  Enjoy.

(This is actually the third in a sort of mini-series of ficlets that take place shortly after each other: first is this, second is this.)

              “I don’t know what yer plan is, but I’d prefer if ya stay with me fer a bit,” Fiddleford said to Angie, who was sitting with him at the card table in the living room.  Angie shook her head as she braided her hair.  She seemed more alive now that she had showered.  Fiddleford glanced at Stan, looming in the doorway.

              Not sure about him, though.  The shower didn’t seem to liven him up much.

              “I can’t leave Stan alone,” Angie said.  Fiddleford rubbed his face.

              “Banjey…”

              “Look.”  Angie tied off her braid and flung it over her shoulder.  “I won’t leave town.  But I don’t think Stan would want to stay in his brother’s home, and I can’t leave him on his own.”

              “He’s a grown man.  I’m sure Stan can take care of himself.”

              “Okay, let me amend my statement,” Angie said irritably.  “I don’t want to leave him on his own.  He’s my boyfriend.”

              “Banjey.”

              “You don’t know him like I do!  He’s a good man.  He took care of me.”

              “Yer in such a vulnerable state, junebug.  I don���t know if yer judgement is very good,” Fiddleford said.  Angie glared.

              Are- are her eyes glowing? Before Fiddleford could look closer, Angie whipped her head around to stare at the front door.

              “Who is it?” Stan asked.  Angie narrowed her eyes.

              “Don’t know.  But someone’s comin’ up to the door.”

              “Prob’ly Stanford,” Fiddleford said.  Stan swallowed.

              “I’m just gonna leave through the back, then,” he mumbled.  Before he could take more than a few steps, the front door swung open and Ford strolled inside.

              “Fiddleford, I wonder if we might investigate those reports of werewolves in the next town over,” Ford said, paging through his research journal. “There was some sort of brouhaha last night.”  Out of the corner of his eye, Fiddleford saw Angie’s hands clench into fists.  Ford looked up.  He frowned at Angie.  “Um. You didn’t tell me you had a relative visiting.”

              “Turns out you have one visitin’, too,” Fiddleford said cheerfully, nodding at Stan.  Ford turned. He glowered.

              “Stanley.”

              “Stanford,” Stan said shortly, crossing his arms.  Ford stepped closer to Stan.  “Personal space, Poindexter.”

              “What are you doing here?” Ford asked.  Stan shrugged.

              “Dunno.  I was driving with Angie, and got this weird urge to come here.”

              “Almost like something was guiding you here?” Ford asked slowly.  Stan eyed him.

              “…Yeah.”

              “I see.  I see.” Ford reached into his trench coat. He pulled out a bag of jelly beans. Angie sucked in her breath softly. Fiddleford frowned at her.

              “Somethin’ wrong?” he asked quietly.  Angie bit her lip and didn’t respond, continuing to stare at Stan and Ford. Slowly and deliberately, Ford tore a hole open in the bag of jelly beans and poured them onto the floor.  Stan twitched.

              “Stan,” Angie whispered.  Stan twitched again.  Ford raised an eyebrow smugly.  Stan let out a noise between a groan and howl before diving to the floor.

              “One, two, three,” he mumbled, picking up the jelly beans one by one. Fiddleford blinked.

              “What’s goin’ on?”

              “My twin is exhibiting arithromania,” Ford said, watching Stan continue to count the jelly beans.  “One of the diagnostic criteria necessary to identify a vampire.”

              “A- Stanford, I know you have yer issues with Stanley, but accusin’ him of bein’ undead is a mite too far,” Fiddleford scolded.  Ford shook his head.

              “His skin is pale, he has enlarged canines, he’s as cold as stone. There’s nothing else that this could be.”  Fiddleford felt the blood drain from his face.

              “Banjey, you’ve been livin’ with a vampire fer months.  Oh, I’m so sorry.  And I’m so sorry ya had to find out this-”

              “You couldn’t have asked?” Angie burst out suddenly.  She glared at Ford with such intensity that Ford flinched. A low growl came from the back of her throat.  “You had to make him count all that?  Come on! That’s just cruel!”

              “You- you knew?” Fiddleford stammered.  Angie rolled her eyes.

              “Of course I knew, Fidds!  Like ya said, I’ve been livin’ with him fer months!  It’d be pretty difficult to miss all the times he knocked out someone fer lunch.”

              “Oh, Lord.”  Fiddleford made the sign of the cross.  Angie sighed.

              “Don’t blow this out of proportion.”

              “I don’t think it’s possible fer me to do that.  My lil sister has been an amnesiac living with a vampire fer months!”

              “Amnesiac?”  Ford looked over at Angie.  “Wait, is this the sister that went missing?”

              “Yes.  And apparently she’s been with Stan, not rememberin’ anything about herself.”

              “Hmm.”  Ford looked back at Stan.  “I haven’t heard of a vampire bite causing amnesia, but-”

              “Stan didn’t make me lose my memory,” Angie snapped.

              “What did?” Ford asked.  Angie huffed and crossed her arms.

              “If I knew, I’d tell ya.”

              “If Stan didn’t attack you, how do you explain those bite marks?” Ford asked, nodding at the scar on Angie’s right arm.

              “A dog bit me, genius.”

              “When?”

              “I ain’t tellin’ ya.  Not after ya insisted on testin’ my boyfriend by makin’ him count candy!”

              “Boyfriend?”  Ford looked back at Stan.  “You’re dating Stanley?”

              “Yes.  I am.” Angie jutted her chin out proudly. “And I don’t care what you or anyone else says.  I love him.”

              “Really?” Fiddleford asked softly.  “You love him?”  Angie turned to him.

              “Yes,” she said in the same tone.  “I do.  He’s saved my life time and time again, he took care of me when I didn’t know who I was, and he- he makes me laugh.  He’s a good man.”  Angie smiled. “A good vampiric man.”  Fiddleford sighed.

              “Stanford, I want Angie to stay here fer a bit.  At least until she can get back on her feet.”  Ford nodded.

              “Of course.”

              “But she doesn’t want to stay unless Stanley also stays.”

              “Out of the question.”

              “Please, Stanford,” Fiddleford said.  Stan finished counting the jelly beans and stood up.  “Stanley, will ya promise to behave if ya stay here?”

              “What counts as behaving?” Stan asked, shoving the jelly beans into a pocket.

              “Not feeding from anyone in the household, to start,” Ford said.  Stan waved a hand airily.

              “Eh.  Everyone here is O positive, and I prefer A positive anyways.”

              “Darlin’, yer not helpin’ yer case,” Angie said.  Stan looked over at her.  He softened visibly.

              “…Fine.  I’ll behave. I’ll make nice.  As long as I can stay here with Angie,” Stan said.  Angie smiled at him.  Ford looked away, frustrated.

              “You can stay,” he ground out after a moment.  “But only because Fiddleford wants you to.  And if you so much as look at anyone’s neck-”

              “I won’t.”

              “Good.  Because if you do, I’m going to revoke your permission to be here immediately.”

              “Figured.”  Stan stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.  He looked outside.  “Looks like it’s finally nightfall, so I’m gonna go outside and uh…do some vampire stuff.”

              “Be careful,” Angie said.

              “Don’t worry.  No one’ll even see me,” Stan said with a wink.  He rushed out through the front door.

              “He clearly wasn’t to eager to stick around,” Ford remarked.  Angie scoffed.

              “You triggered his arithromania.  Of course he won’t want to stick around when he doesn’t need to!  That was incredibly rude!”  Ford walked over to the table Angie and Fiddleford were sitting at.

              “My apologies.  I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said.  Angie continued to glare at him.  Again, Fiddleford could have sworn her eyes were glimmering eerily.  Ford frowned.  “May I see your dog bite?”

              “No,” Angie snapped, jerking her arm away from him.  She stood.  “I’m going to go outside and wait for Stan to come back.  Fidds, you can join me if ya want.”

              “I’ll be out there in a few,” Fiddleford said.  Angie left, slamming the front door behind her.  Fiddleford turned to Ford.  “Stanford, why’d ya have to go and do that?  Angie’s furious!”

              “Look-”

              “Try not to upset either Angie or Stan, at least fer a week or so. Please.  I need to find out what all happened to Angie while she was gone, and she won’t share if she’s in a mood,” Fiddleford said.  Ford sighed.

              “Very well.  I’ll do my best to keep it civil.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “But I should probably let you know that something about her dog bite seemed…odd.”

              “How many dog bites have you seen?”

              “…None.”

              “Exactly.  Nothin’ seemed odd to me.”  Fiddleford paused.  Ford nodded.

              “You saw her eyes, too.”

              “Prob’ly just a trick of the light.  You said yourself that vampires are cold, and she’s like a lil furnace right now.”  Fiddleford stood up.  “Don’t go around tryin’ to diagnose Angie with a case of some spookum disease, okay?”

              “But if she’s-”

              “Stop.  I don’t care. My sister is normal.  Or as normal as a McGucket can be.”  Fiddleford began to head towards the front door.  “Clean up the attic, would ya?  I think Angie ‘n Stan can sleep up there.”

              “Okay.”

              “Thank you.”  Fiddleford exited the house.  Ford immediately took out his journal and flipped it to the page he’d had open when he entered.

              “I’m sure I wrote something about glowing eyes in here somewhere…”