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We're Gonna Burn Masterlist
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
Warnings: Smut, Sex Pollen, Non/DubCon (because sex pollen), enemies to lovers, emotional aftermath.
Summary: An exposure to a strange powder makes you feel as if you're burning to death, your only relief is in the person you hate the most. When the dust finally settles, will you be able to move past this stranger encounter or will your own emotions cause you to burn out?
A/N: Special thanks to my beta reader @whisperlullaby
Part 1 - September 5, 2024
Part 2 - November 7, 2024
Part 3 - November 17, 2024
Part 4
Updates and taglist: Due to the unreliable nature of tags, I no longer keep a taglist. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction and turn on notifications for updates. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when a new part or story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!
#bucky barnes#bucky#marvel#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes x reader#avengers#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes x you#captain america#sex pollen#bucky x female reader#were gonna burn#trope#masterlist#fatws#sebastian stan fandom#sebastian stan#james buchanan barnes#the winter soldier#winter soldier
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(late) kinktober week 6: dilf zukka + strip pai sho
just in case you’re wondering how the spacedilves from mercy of magpies will be spending their honeymoon
#HELLOOUUUU#KINKTOBER WRAPPING UPPP#thank you all so much for the contributionsss for putting ur big brains to the causeeee#and thank you nene for pushing me into finishing this one in particular#staring at u with eyes so big from across the room 👁️👃👁️#and they’re dilves bc u know. i’m on dilves mode for the foreseeable future#like if you’ve been keeping up with spacedilves. this is how they end up.#discostang. embarrassing. cringe. L + ratio#sokka#zuko#zukka#my art#also yeah many beautiful pai sho tiles were harmed during the making of this piece#but no worries zuko is gonna buy him prettier ones 😌😌#(and burn them again)
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(guy who has never played cotl) haha au time
#this started as a design exercise bc i couldnt get sphinx/devon rex narinder out of my head#but the whole time i was thinking man imagine if the lamb brings him in as a follower but nobody knows he was actually. you know#and the followers are like haha wow our leader channels the power and wisdom of the one who waits almost as if they were them#would that be cool or what. anyway heres narinder reassuming his pre-bishop form and everything his flesh remembers before godhood#ok now im gonna ramble abt design notes#the singe marks were inspired by fallen angels like how some ppl say they burned while falling from heaven. i wanted smth like that when#the lamb is resurrected by nari.. their outfit is inspired by papal cloaks while narinders is based on crusader armor#the lambs name 'bellwether' is also a term used for sheep that wear a bell and lead the flock and i thought that was cool#idk what the thuribles do yet but i do have smth in mind where theyre linked together. and ofc the lamb has a shepherds staff#very proud of nari's little devil tail!! and it was hard to see bc its so dark but he has wrinkles around his forehead to conceal his#third eye. even he isnt aware of it (for now)#idk where im going with this au i just have a bunch of ideas?? basically the lamb is keeping nari's identity a secret from him so he doesnt#go down that path of powerhungry destruction. smth like trying to lead him down a better path but feels guilty lying to do that#also theyre in love with each other and theyre stupid pining idiots abt it. mwah#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#the one who waits#cotl the one who waits#narilamb#art#au#myart#my art#character design#cotl au#false prophet! au
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#just a wizard gentleman and his butler 🪄🎩
#mobius#loki#lokius#victor timely#loki spoilers#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#wasn't gonna make this set until later in the week and we all know mobius is calling the shots BUT#even though it's not the same thing i can't get a slow burn valet au out of my mind and it's driving me insane please someone write this 😭#the way mobius is constantly supporting and hyping everything about loki they were taught to push aside... never getting over it...#and just because it needs to be said i've been crying over owen in that victorian fit for days now god is he beautiful 😭😭#loki s2 spoilers#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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OK but I really love how unhinged Neil comes off in other people's POV cause looking back at the first three novels he was so damn weird
Take what happened in Colombia
Imagine what Andrew was thinking
Holy crap this binder WTF?!?! OK he's sus as hell I've gotta test him, I'm gonna mess with the tags when I refold his clothes but like...I doubt even he's THAT crazy
*Neil barges in and starts shouting in FRENCH*
OK so he IS that crazy (and French?!)
OK I'm gonna spike his drink and get some answers in a minute just gonna leave him with Aaron and Nicky for a sec while I satisfy my Gay panic this runaway has inspired in me with Roland and then I'll just...WTF DID HE JUST PAY A GUY TO KNOCK HIM OUT?!
OK I'm gonna pick up some breakfast and when I get back to the house I can interrogate the....OK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THIS DUBIOUS TWINK CRAWLED OUT OF THE BATHROOM WINDOW?!
OK so he's not around let's get back to Palmetto he probably got a ride from one of the upperclassmen
OK he didn't...did he run away? I guess that makes some sens... OK wait he HITCHHIKED?! THE FUCK?!
OK THIS ASSHOLE SPEAKS GERMAN TOO?!
OK he's on the run from the mob...there are a lot of holes in this story but at this point I'm gonna take his word for it that he's isn't a danger to my people cause I don't have the energy to continue to pursue this anymore. This fucking guy is more unhinged than what I was prepared to deal with this weekend.
#aftg#all for the game#tsc#the sunshine court#neil josten#andrew minyard#andrew was more tired than Neil was after that weekend 🤣#you won the batttle kind of andrew but neil won that war#not to shade nicky and aaron but wingus and dingus were not the ones you should have left neil with TWICE#also its cracker dust not truth serum it was a weird plan to start with and nicky and aaron were more high and more drunk than neil was#they were not the ones who should have been left in charge#also by letting neil out of sight for all those hours he hitchhiked let him come up with a plausible lie#that held up until BALTIMORE#like my dude you had the binder you should have hid it and threatened to burn a page wverytime neil lied#cause if the money was from riko paying neil to be a mole he would NOT want it burned#and what hes gonna go to the cops about his ill gotten cash and fake ids? you could have had him andrew#ps i imagine neil saying all of this to Andrew when that first time in Colombia is ever brought up#just critiquing his methods#andrew isnt one for regret but neil picking holes in his plan and pointing out what HE would have done makes him feel pretty damn close#he probably finds it annoyingly attractive too tho
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They are forever in their honeymoon era ����
#my art#sulemio#gundam witch spoilers#gwitch#suletta mercury#miorine rembran#ericht samaya#I love eri being a little hater#she did NOT turn into a portable keychain that can easily be put anywhere just for her to witness her sister and in-law doing pda#like she’s had enough of that as aerial like it was unavoidable how were they gonna move her???#just put her in another room damn she sick and tired#ALSO ALSO ALSO here is my miorine can cook agenda#yes she’ll burn down a kitchen or two tryinv to learn how to cook#but with the power of loving her wife sm onher side she actually becomes a very decent cook at some point#with a lot of begrudging help from chuchu and not so begrudging from the other earth house crew :’)
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THEE audiodrama disguised as podcast
#sherlock and co#s&co#sherlock holmes#john watson#mariana ametxazurra#Ive been thinking abt these design SO much lmao. even while doing other things#decided to take cues from acd/granada more. hence sherlock's headband to mimic slicked back hair#and I went with Colors bc. well first of all Im a clown. but second of all I recall some stuff abt victorian fabrics and uh. the wonder of#arsenic green etc#they were enjoying the colors I can commit to some#and. okay Im so real with u Im also a long haired john truther bc he has a podcast of course he'd have long hair but#I think its gonna take a Hot minute. currently this is still like the slightly-grown-out regulation cut#john's jacket is bc he and sherlock are 90s kids. this was a moment of enlightenment to me. I can give john every windbreaker on earth#mariana gets the jean jacket bc I like to imagine she's a y2k kid#(sherlock I think is only 90s kid in year of birth that man's childhood was skipping class to burn shit in the wood)#(but he canonically sews which I fucking love so much. he has not bought new clothes for almost a decade#if a shirt's disintegrating no it isn't. not on his watch)#a lil sad I cant figure out how to give them hats lol I feel like thats the most victorian thing there is. a stupid hat#I can at any moment give one of them a beanie. but I refuse#there are. like a Hoard of other scribbly sketches I did to get used to drawing them. but those are for me those are not for the public#and also theyre in my sketchbook and Im too lazy to scan them#happened mostly during lunar new year lol. I was getting Hard whipped then thank u s&co for carrying me thru#ok I do other things now. have this for a while ok? thank u#have a good night lads. enjoy motion
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I have a lot of pictures in my 'random stage plays' folder. So here's some stuff from Moriarty the Patriot. Cause I can. And yes. I am avoiding my colouring responsibilities, but lineart is so much quicker~
:)
#moriarty the patriot#william james moriarty#hehehe#sebastian moran#i think#its been a while#since i watched this#but it was cool#definitely gonna do some other stuff from this at some point#but that depends on how much time i have#other things have been consuming my brain~~~#:D:D:D#moriarty the patriot fanart#moriarty fanart#YEYE#HEH#there were some moments in the stage plays#that had me dyin-#there was this whole 'watson don't burn the house down yet- adler's onto us-'#which watson completely misinterpreted-#it was Hilarious.#XD#dunno the actors names#but this is from one of the stage plays#:)
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Your au takes place in the 1920’s. I know your au has rarijack, are there any issues because of them being lesbians or is that not really a problem (the general existence of cadence may have caused people to be more accepting sooner idk)
Not really a problem. This AU's supposed to be fun, it wouldn't be fun having to write 90% of characters and settings as vehemently and violently anti-gay. At the very least, bigotry still exists, but social progress is more similar to the 2010s, where queerness is more normalized.
#but also don't forget that the 1920s was extremely queer#especially in europe and france#so if you're gonna @ me about historical revisionism remember this era was very gay#there were same-sex kisses in movies in 1922 then 1925 then 1927#one of the most popular songs in the 1920s was called “masculine women! feminine men!”#chalk it up to magic existing ig everyone's just more chill#ask me#tana-draws#but yeah it wouldn't be fun to have to navigate rarity and aj's relationship and also have everyone in the town hating them and#trying to keep them seperate under god's watchful eye lest they're condemned to burn in hell forever as sinners
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getting back into mlp by making a pony based off the unreleased episode 'Number Fish Fan', where discord finds out he has a very dedicated fan.
#art#mlp#mlp:fim#my little pony#discord mlp#mlp discord#these are just really messy doodles#im stealing the concept of the episode its mine now#i love and missed drawing discord#and i have gotten very invested in this within the past 24 hours#like i already have a whole backstory and plot for this dude#its cringe i probably wont get into it in public#i was gonna clean these up but if i stopped to do clean lines then i will get too burned out to draw more on this#so all were getting are mess#my art
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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We're Gonna Burn (Part 2)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
Word Count: 3K
Warnings: Smut, Sex Pollen, Non/DubCon (because sex pollen), enemies to lovers.
Summary: When an exposure to a strange powder makes you feel as if you're burning to death, your only relief is in the person you hate the most. Now dealing with the aftermath makes you question everything.
A/N: Hi friends! Thanks so much for your patience. We lost my mother-in-law last month and it's been a difficult time. But, I've got part two up and have got a good head start on parts 3 and 4. Hopefully updates won't be so far in between. As always, I have to say a special thanks to my beta reader @whisperlullaby who is also my hype princess and most darling friend. I hope you enjoy!
We're Gonna Burn Masterlist
In the two days since you returned to the compound, you had rarely left your room. Your body was incredibly sore the first day but it had started to lessen. You were glad the medbay kept a supply of morning after pills. Dr. Miles, your most trusted doctor, had examined you after the fact and said that you should be fully healed in a few days. The examination was a necessary requirement but it had felt like yet another invasion.
Your emotions were a mess and the doctor had suggested a visit with a counselor to help you work through them. Now, you were starting to wonder if she had been right. Compartmentalizing wasn’t working, you had strange dreams, and your mood was all over the place. You had avoided everyone while you were off-duty to heal. The thought of facing any of them, especially Bucky, made you sick. By now, you were sure they all knew what happened. Bucky had probably gloated that he had-
You couldn’t even finish the thought and shake it away. When you filled out the mission report, you had simply stated that there was an exposure to an unknown substance that had caused a short-lived fever. Quarantine and a battery of tests had cleared you to return home to the compound. The only person who knew what happened was Dr. Miles and Bucky, of course. Your gut clenched whenever you thought of him, which was often now. Hell, it had always been often. You had been enthralled by his story and excited to join the team. Unfortunately, he had proven to be nothing like you imagined. He seemed to hate you from the moment you were introduced. His comradery with your other teammates was fun and friendly, but with you, he was always scowling and defensive. You had given up after a few attempts at striking up a conversation. He had shut you down and moved away every time.
And now, you’re a notch on his belt. Not that either of you had chosen it. It was just horrible luck- or was it? Had he purposely led you to that lab? Had he known what was there? What would happen? No, you stop yourself from spiraling. Even if he was a jackass, he wasn’t that kind of person. He had been just as surprised and affected. The thought of how affected he had been made you clench. You hated him but, fuck, that had been the most amazing sex of your life. You wondered if it was the drug or that thick-
Stop it! You hate him! You yell at yourself in your head. You felt concurrently turned on, ashamed, and angry. It was frustrating and eating at you.
Thinking of eating, your stomach rumbles. It was late and you thought it would be safe to make a quick trip to the kitchen. You had exhausted the supply of snacks in your room and needed some real food. Peeking into the hall, you find it empty and quietly make your way to the kitchen. You make yourself a plate and raid the pantry for more snacks. As you were tip-toeing back to your room you saw Bucky coming out of his room at the other end of the hallway. He froze when he noticed you and watched as you made a mad dash for your room. Inside, you try to calm your rapidly beating heart. Tears streamed down your face for some reason you couldn’t pinpoint. You set everything on your desk and crumpled into a ball on the floor. You rocked as you tried to calm yourself while also berating yourself for your weakness. It was just sex. It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t like you wanted it or even asked for it. It was just a mutually agreed upon need.
All your rationalizations did nothing to stop the surge of emotions taking over. So, you decided that maybe Doc was right. You needed to talk to someone. Someone to help you sort out your own feelings. You just hoped that you could feel normal again because, right now, you are not yourself.
–
Bucky stared at the space you had occupied a minute ago. He hadn’t seen you since you’d returned from the mission. You hadn’t been able to look at him in the small amount of time you were together during exfil. You’d both been put through quarantine and testing. He had no long lasting effects from the exposure but he knew you had to be bruised and sore from the experience. He felt immensely guilty about that but he could no more have stopped what was happening than you could. Sometimes he wondered if he could have even if it wasn’t for the pollen, it was the best thing he’d felt in seventy years. You were so soft, wet, and perfectly tight.
Berating himself as he felt his body react to the memories, he reminded himself that you hate him. You had good reason to. He had been an absolute ass since you joined the team. Hethinks about his terrible behavior. He didn’t like new people to start with and then, out of seemingly nowhere, you were put with the team. It roused his suspicions and he viewed you as a potential threat. So, he had questioned your every motive, idea, and process. He wanted to hate you but the more he saw your work with the team and interactions outside of it, the more he found you intriguing. Rather than apologizing or correcting his behavior, he had doubled down. He couldn’t explain it but some small, stupid part of him had hoped that this incident would create an opening for him to reconcile with you but now you couldn't even look at him.
Who could blame you after the way he had treated you? Both before and during. He had been lost in the feeling and had stopped fighting the effects of the pollen the first moment he entered you. Hell, he hadn’t really fought it from the beginning. He had burst into that bathroom as if he had every right to enter it. You had to hate him even more now with what he’d done. He felt the need to talk to you, to apologize, to ask you to forgive him. He hadn’t told a soul what happened and had been deliberately vague in his mission report. He hadn’t wanted to make it any worse for you.
Retreating to his room, Bucky paces trying to figure out his next move. Should he approach you or wait for you to come to him? He shakes his head. You wouldn’t approach him. Not the way you, no doubt, feel about him. You probably never wanted to see him again. What did you think? Did you hate him even more? Most likely. Did you think he had done this on purpose? That he had taken advantage of you? The drug had taken both of your ability to really consent. Did you feel… What are you feeling? He couldn’t stand the thought that you hated him even more or that you thought he hurt you purposely.
He grabbed the doorknob, determined to speak with you but his hand slipped from it before he could turn the knob. You needed more time. He shouldn’t push you. He’d wait until you were at least healed. That was a better idea, he decided. It wasn’t that he was chickening out, he was just waiting until the wounds weren’t so fresh. That was the best thing to do, wasn’t it?
–
You nervously bounce your legs as you wait for the office door of Dr. Victoria Montesi to open. Dr. Miles had gotten you an appointment within thirty minutes of messaging her that morning. You wonder if she already had Dr. Montesi on standby. It wouldn’t be surprising with how well Doc seemed to know and anticipate your needs medically.
When the door opens, you turn to look at the woman smiling softly at you. She was lovely with dark hair and eyes, and she radiated a calm demeanor that immediately put you at ease.
“Hi. I’m Vicki Montesi,” she introduced herself.
Giving a polite smile, you give your name but don’t extend your hand. Touch was too intimate a thing to do currently and Dr. Montesi seemed to instinctively understand your body language. You felt so weak and hated it. You had been through major disasters, espionage, a host of events that would fell another person. Why was this the one thing that affected you so deeply?
Dr. Montesi motioned for you to follow her and closed the door behind you softly, “Sit wherever you like. Do you mind if I take some notes?”
“Uh, no, that's fine,” you shrug.
She grabbed a pad of paper off her desk and took a seat across from where you had settled on the couch. You fidgeted with your hands, glancing up occasionally. You knew she was waiting for you to start but two could play at-
“What brings you in today?” She interrupts your train of thought.
“I, um,” you stuttered, thrown that she hadn’t followed the pattern you expected. “What did Dr. Miles tell you?”
“That you needed someone to talk to.”
“Oh…” you trail off suspiciously.
“Your privacy is tantamount to both of us as your doctors,” Dr. Montesi says gently.
“Right. So, I, um, we, I,” you stop yourself. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you begin again, “I was on a mission with a teammate. We were exposed to a powder that… forced the need for, for. Fuck! It made us burn up with fever and feel intense pain unless we were actively having sex. It felt like we were dying if we weren’t fucking. And of all the people in the fucking world it had to be with Bucky fucking Barnes. I can’t stand him and knowing that we- goddammit.” The words had become rushed and your frustration grew as you tried to explain.
“So, you were put into a situation you had no control over, and your only relief was provided by someone you don’t like? Am I understanding you correctly?”
“Yes and hate. I hate him. He’s such a jerk, He’s probably told everyone who would listen.”
“Why do you think that?” Dr. Montesy probes.
“Because he always undermines everything I say, anything I bring to the table. What better way to knock me down a few pegs than to tell everyone that he got me in bed?” You explain.
“Have you spoken with him since it happened?”
“No, I haven’t really spoken to anyone since, ya know.” You look down at your hands.
“And you feel that Bucky has after what happened?”
“Why wouldn’t he?” You scoff.
“Do you think the situation was different for him?”
“Yes! No, I… I don’t know,” you look away for a minute gauging what he could possibly be feeling. In your mind you think through your prejudices towards him, realizing many were sexist assumptions of what men are supposed to feel and others never took his past into consideration. Most of your thoughts had centered only around the hatred you felt for him and his constant attitude towards you but underneath all of that was a real person who was probably struggling with aspects of this as well. You admit in a near whisper, “Probably not.”
“It’s good that you’re able to look outside yourself. Can you tell me how you feel about the situation aside from him?”
You nod, taking a moment to assess that yourself, “It sucks to not have control over a situation to not have any good choices. I didn’t want it to happen but it’s part of the job. Sometimes you end up in these situations where no matter what you do, you’re going to come out on the other end with regrets. This one was just much more intimate than most. I want to blame someone and I keep blaming myself. That I couldn’t control myself, that I led both of us straight into that trap, that I used him and allowed him to use me. I just feel ashamed.”
“That’s common in situations like this but you did the one thing you were supposed to do. You survived.”
–
You saw Dr. Montesi again a couple of days later. She was helping you process and you appreciated it. She had a way of pulling things out of you that surprised you. Like when you continually called him Barnes rather than his first name and anytime she said his first name, you corrected her immediately.
“There’s something more here. What is it about his name that bothers you?” She asks.
“He… made me say it during,” you shrug, looking away.
“Why does that bother you?”
“I never call him by his first name. It's always Barnes or asshat. Never Bucky.”
“And he made you call him Bucky?”
“Yes. He wouldn’t, you know, um… let me-”
“Orgasm?”
“Yeah, until I did. It felt… awkward,” you finish softly.
“Just awkward?” She pushes.
“Infuriating. Like a violation, another way control was taken from me. I mean, why? Why would he do that? What possessed him?”
“Well, the pollen for one thing, but have you considered that might have been the way he found some control in the situation?”
“So, you’re saying I shouldn’t take it personally? It wasn’t about bringing me to heel but about him finding a modicum of control? But should that negate how I feel?” You ask, confused.
“Not at all. Your feelings are valid but what I want you to understand is there is a why for him that may have had nothing to do with you. Do you understand?”
“I think so.”
“Why have you never called him by his first name?”
“Because I hate him,” you shrug.
“Can you elaborate on that?”
“It’s like I told you before, he treats me like a subordinate. Like I didn’t earn my place and I don’t have anything to offer.”
“Even after you’ve worked together for the last several months?”
“It lessened after a while I guess but he still acts like an ass all the time.”
“How have you handled that?”
“I tried to be friendly, to prove myself, and then I gave up. Why waste the energy?”
“Is it a waste? There’s no hope?” Dr. Montesi tilts her head.
“I mean, I don’t… I don’t know. I just… I don’t know,” your voice trails off as you think back over all your interactions with Bucky. What if you had missed an opening? Was there some point when he tried to let you in but you had closed yourself off and delivered only sass and smartass remarks? But was that your fault? Was it all up to you?
“It’s okay to not have an answer but it is something you might think about until we see each other again.”
–
You saw her again early the next week. Each time it helps you see more clearly and feel more like yourself. Her guidance through your feelings and assumptions both good or bad, right or wrong without judgment or censure allowed you to explore more than just the situation with Barnes. It was the question she had posed about his motives that had stuck with you.
“I think I'm ready to talk to,” you pause as your stubborn nature still fights against you calling him Bucky, but Barnes seemed even less apt now. You finally settled on just using the noncommittal, “him.”
“Oh?” Dr. Montesi waits for you to elaborate.
“I feel like I need to know his motives and feelings,” the last word was hard to push past your lips. You hadn't considered his feelings ever really. At least, not since he had proven himself to be a royal jackass. There was still a part of you that loathed him but somehow concern for his reaction to all of this had wormed its way into your mind.
“What do you think that will do for you?” She asks, tilting her head.
“I don't know. I read his mission report on what happened. He was even more vague than I was on the details. Whether he was protecting himself or me, I wasn't sure but,” you take a deep breath before admitting the next part, “then I went through the other reports for missions we had been on together. He's always succinct but never fails to highlight others' contributions to the outcome. Even mine. It was obvious reading them that at some point he had started to see me as an asset. So, I guess, I think it'll give me some closure. Either we can start building a more respectful comradery or that's never going to happen and it's time for me to think about moving on.”
“How would that make you feel?”
“Disappointed but I want to be part of a team that has mutual respect for each other. If he can never give me that respect, I don't want to work with him. I'm not asking to be friends, just teammates. Preferably ones who can hold a conversation without all the snark.” You paused for a moment as a feeling of pride suffused through you. You were stronger than you realized and you were ready to find happiness and fulfillment on your terms. You smiled to yourself and then looked up to share it with Dr. Montesi. Maybe you were imagining it, but you felt you could see it in her eyes, too.
When you left her office a little while later, you pulled out your phone and sent a short text.
You: Hey. Can we talk?
It was only a few minutes later that your phone dings.
You let out a little laugh. That was probably the most civilized conversation the two of you had ever had. You started feeling the nerves in your stomach. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation but you needed it to happen. It was time to face this head on. As you make your way, you practice breathing techniques and make mental notes of what you wanted to say and ask. You even jotted a few down to help you remember when you know you're going into an emotional situation.
Barnes: Yeah. On the phone or do you want to meet up?
You: I’d prefer face to face.
Barnes: Where? I can come to you.
You: I’m on my way back there. I’ll come to you.
Barnes: Okay.
There is still the confusion in your own head of what to call him. Such a simple thing but rife with emotion for you. Barnes was what you called him because you hated him and now you weren’t sure you did. James is his first name but no one calls him that. Bucky felt too friendly and intimate especially when it triggers reminders of that night every time you even think about it. Sergeant was too formal and felt harsh and rigid. Asshat was fitting when he was being one but you could hardly call him that all the time. You think back to what he calls you but, in just the way you have, he calls you by your last name mostly. You don’t ever recall hearing him say your first name. Occasionally, your designation and more than a few times he’s referred to you as “pita.” His way of calling you “pain in the ass.” You let out a scoffing laugh when you think of that and then shake the conundrum away. Maybe after this talk, you’d figure out what to call him or you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore if you decided to move on.
Part 3
Updates and taglist: Due to the unreliable nature of tags, I no longer keep a taglist. Updates for series will be made on Sundays Central Time Zone. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction and turn on notifications for updates. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when a new part or story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!
#bucky barnes#bucky#avengers#bucky fanfic#marvel#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#captain america#were gonna burn#sex pollen#pollen trope#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes reader insert#bucky barns fanfiction#bucky fic#bucky smut#bucky x female reader#bucky x y/n#james buchanan bucky barnes#james bucky barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#mcu bucky barnes#bucky barnes series#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x female reader
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As mentioned (I think?), new spinal/pain care doctor is switching me from a steroid to not a steroid so I can have a big steroid in two weeks for a pain block. This is my first day making the switch and I am dizzy and loopy and not allowed to post on the internet until I’m more lucid. (Oops.) My queue is a mess, don’t know what’s on it. Might wake up and reblog a ton, might sleep all day, nobody knows.
Remember that wreck my mom was in two months ago, because another driver was rubbernecking a DIFFERENT wreck? For a minute she was afraid her arm had a hairline fracture as pain emerged over time, but x-rays have said she’s good. That said, yesterday the repair shop has finally pronounced her car totaled, insurance is about to stop covering a rental, and so she’s got to run out today and use what insurance is giving her for the old car to finance a “new” (used) car and my point is, I’m just sacked out with my dog hoping that I’m not having a reaction to this Very Different Non-Steroidal Medication. idk, telling people “I’m concerned about this” tends to cosmically inoculate me against it happening. Here we are.
Side note: Hello, new followers! It’s just chaos like this all the time honestly! In 2022, a shit ton of workers descended upon my street one day and dug up all our yards and broke the street’s water main and cut down somebody’s tree without even asking (they brought a crane) and flooded my basement with sewage and we had to gut all of it. Turns out it was a rogue internet provider that was cramming their fiber optic lines into the public easement part of everyone’s yards. Our city works rep told them “uh no you’re paying for the damage,” so within about a year, we were through repairs okay (Internet Provider fucked up the sewage pipes so bad that we had to get an entire new driveway by the time the plumbers were done digging under it). That is kind of the pattern: we get through crises okay, but it sure is a roller coaster to get there!!!, she said with wild-eyed laughter.
But then. Yesterday, my mom came home to discover our front yard marked up with spray paint and tiny flags. They had the logo of a rival provider. It Is Happening Again. So I’m just like. Please do not let me have a reaction to meloxicam while I’m home alone. I don’t need this right now. I don’t need this ever, I didn’t need a second herniated disc at all, but I don’t need this right now.
#listen I’m not even gonna get into how we discovered our 20 yo electrical breakers were mismatched incompatible and a fire hazard last week#‘yeah your house is gonna burn down��� the electrician said cheerfully#so we uh we got that fixed#it’s fine#this is fine#me for some reason#health#tribulations
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Fanfiction is so goated actually
No monetary incentive, just writing in one's free time. Some incentive for like kudos and comments, because who doesn't want to hear that someone else enjoyed what they wrote. Just writing a story that is good and/or enjoyable, no real-life pressure to keep it going because god forbid you and other people are depending on it financially.
Writing a story because you want to write a good story, so you can write what they want the way you want, at a pace that is realistic for you, with exactly the plot pacing you want there to be.
#c*rny posts#thinking about this after the my h*ro academia leaks lmao#i have read barely a few chapters of the manga and then kept up with it through tumblr osmosis#i was interested in how its gonna end#and after reading the leaks i was like 'well its up to the fanfic writers to write a good ending now'#cause. it was kind of underwhelming. like some stuff made sense and some things were just done badly#which is realistic considering h*rikoshi is apparently burned out to hell#and i was thinking. man. if i had to write AND illustrate a story for like ten years straight. because its my bread and butter#and there are other people depending on the story doing well to make money#it would 100% get to me. i would rather end it all lmao#which is why i think fanfic is so great#just writing a story that you want. that makes sense to you. that has elements you want. that is exactly as long as you want.#and there isnt even a possibility of really monetizing it so there is no drive to make is 'succeed' or make it as long as possible#this could be applied to just writing a 'regular' story also that is not intended for publishing#also kinda makes me think about h*ikyuu#i kinda do feel the timeskip and the ending were a bit rushed#but like. if it was me. i would have rushed it too lmao#after so many years of working on one thing and one thing only i would have been so done. just so done#and h*ikyuu ending to me wasnt even bad. it was good with good resolution of everything. with characters evolving and achieving their dreams#not necessarily volleyball related (like tenma)#the progress made realistic sense#but it did feel a bit rushed#anyway#fanfic and writing for yourself is great#and manga authors face way too much pressure from people dependent on them. from fans. even from society in general
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#I just finished playing swh2#im not okay. this game is so fucking good#Im insane about it#gonna post a whole lot of swh2 content hopefully#might even write a fanfic if the motivation keeps up#for now tho expect to get a lot of memes from me#implied wesway#seriously WHAT IS THEIR DEAL#i need to know how they met#these two. i need to know more#they keep referring to each other as old friends. they were already together before the game started. hotchkiss was already loyal to quincy#hotchkiss always believed in quincy even at his lowest point. what the fuck is their deal#these two are also so dad to the entire crew#wesway#steamworld heist 2#steamworld heist ii#wesley hotchkiss#captain quincy leeway#quincy leeway#the fire burns#the fire crackles with joy#memes#shitpost#steamworld#swh2#swh ii
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haii!!! time to be tortured by another comic for @shepscapades DBHC AU!!
i need to point out, this scene is ✨~NONCANON~✨ to the au, and is kinda just. well i really wanted to create a hypothetical 'what if' scenario to torture shep, honestly. That scenario being, in this case, "hey, what if when Doc and X reboot etho on s9 after the moon crash and he wakes up Wrong and Angry and Bloodlusty, he gets loose on the server before they can shut him down?"
so uh. yeah ^_^ also, look below the cut for ✨fun bonus facts!!✨ (because they got too long to put in the tags)
NUMBER 1!! it got hidden by the text bubble, but in the first panel bdubs is holding his phone. this is because, well, when etho gets out, doc and x immediately start warning ppl. sending messages in chat basically saying 'etho awake, he got out of the lab, something's wrong, he's glitched, he's dangerous, if you see him tell one of us immediately, and BE CAREFUL' and bdubs, of course, processes up to "etho's awake" before dropping everything and going to look everywhere for him. because that's his buddy! etho's been down for repairs for a while he misses him!! he's going to go see his buddy!
2!! in dbh (the actual game), when an android's stress level gets too high, they pretty much start looking for a way to terminate themselves. of course, i'm sure this holds no bearing to the comic! definitely no relation with etho throwing himself into pvp as his stress level skyrockets...
and 3! there's a couple of ways this can end. either, doc and x arriving and one of them having to hold bdubs back as the other deactivates etho, or, option 2, well... at least bdubs will respawn far away and not have to watch :) i'm sure this won't be traumatizing for either of them ^_^
#one more time just bc i don't want shep to get a bunch of confused asks;#this is NOT CANON this DOES NOT HAPPEN in the au.#in canon etho does not get out of X n Doc's lab (or wherever they were working on him)#hermitcraft#dbhc#dbhc au#ethoslab#bdoubleo100#bdubs#art#fanart#comic#hermitcrap#tw panic attack#i hope thats the right format for trigger tags#a few more smaller facts as well;#etho was originally gonna be burning smth down but uh#well none of grian's early s9 builds are flammable aufdhgkjh#so explosives it is#etho definitely got all the materials for that as well as his sword and probably more from rifling through chests#good ol theft baby!! that's the life series mentality for ya#also. i very nearly used the splatoon font for that last text bubble. honestly you should all be grateful it's not comic sans#oh yeah i originally colored everything in pink instead of red btw. definitely added smth to the panic attack lmao#last one; my discord icon is now etho in the last panel of pg1 ^_^#spreading torture and violcence heehoo#ok i've been workign on making this post for like an hour take it away from me
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