#wellspacing

[helmerichpayne]

MODELLING THE ECONOMIC IMPACT OF SPACING UNCERTAINTY IN UNCONVENTIONAL LONG LATERALS DUE TO COMMON SURVEY PRACTICES

Finding an optimal lateral spacing is crucial to maximizing the return on investment for unconventional assets. The estimates regarding these lateral spacings were made for various plays; however, in a general sense, they assumed that the wellbores were precisely drilled and surveyed (Bharali et. al., 2014; Lalehrokh & Bouma, 2014).

Wellbore positions have potentially large uncertainties and recent studies demonstrate that these uncertainties are even larger than previously assumed (Love, et. al, 2020).This study combines the previous work completed on spacing uncertainty with a reservoir simulation model to better quantify the losses caused by positional uncertainty, while exploring the sensitivity of said losses in relation to the changing lateral length, well spacing and survey accuracy allowing for future optimal field development.

A previous method of simulating reservoir losses due to survey uncertainty, proposed by Maus & DeVerse (2016) and the major basins reservoir simulation using empirically derived positional uncertainty models generated by analyzing survey data from thousands of wells by Love et. Al., (2020) provided the framework for this study. The estimations for typical production losses due to survey uncertainty were produced from simulations and compared to similar simulations using industry standard error models.

In all cases, a baseline simulation was run, estimating production losses observed on historical wells alongside additional simulations to determine the sensitivity of losses on future wells against lateral length (5,000 - 15,000 ft), lateral spacing (220 - 880 ft) and employed survey management techniques.

To know more about us visit us: https://bit.ly/3MP99d7 or you can also contact us here: https://www.helmerichpayne.com/contact.

[slurpysacramentosluts]

https://ifunnyx.co/video/N5Sy66HOA?s=u

THE DOG FUCKING PALACE IS LOCATED AT

5930 24th St. Apt 82, Sacramento, CA

Yeah Jillian Knows Lucky & Shannon alright!! The ones the detectives asked her about in the BLUE ROOM & ALL THE DOG FUCKING SUCKING KNOTTING SESSIONS & THE NOTORIOUS BLUE ROOM!! The ROOM JILLIAN FEVERISHLY PAINTED & PAINTED OVER & OVER SO AS TO CONCEAL THE BLUE TOOM AT THE DOG FUCKING PALACE BUT WHEN WARRANTS WERE SERVED FORENSICS WERE ABLE TO ASCERTAIN THE BLUE ROOM WAS THE BLUE ROOM WAS & ALWAYS WILL BE THE BLUE ROOM AS DOGGYNuTCuMRuns were all over the walls & that DOG JIZZ LIT 🔥 UP LIKE BLOOD WITH Luminol!!

[thedogfucker]

The SACRAMENTO DOGFUCKER IS IN HOLIDAY SPIRIT REDTIPLIPSTICKDOGDICKDOGGYHEAT & will FUCK YOUR DOG TODAY -GUARANTEED!! Please KEEP YOUR PETS & FAMILY DOG CLOSE & WITH IN ARMS DISTANCE ON THIS CHRISTMAS DAY AS JILLIAN LEANN QUIST JONES USES THE HOLIDAYS AS A GREAT TIME OF THE YEAR TO BOOST & BUMP UP HER DOGDICK VIOLATION #’s as PEOPLE ARE BUSY & PREOCCUPIED WITH THE HOLIDAYS & the #SLURPYDOGPUSSY POUNCES ON THAT DOGDICK!!

Strategies For Change #JillianLeAnnQuistJones aka #SlurpyDogPussy The #DogDickAddictedAddictionCounselor accepting new #DoGFucKeR Clients just like herself! Call Today 916-473-5764 4441 Auburn Blvd Sacramento CA. #JillianLeAnnQuistJones VOTED #1 #MosTWorthLessFucKHole on a #DoGFucKeR in AMERICAN US HISTORY. Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones was convicted of Bestiality 286.5PC for fucking dogs while pregnant & has fucked 3000+ Dogs & Orally Copulated Another 10,000+ Dogs. BEWARE IN SACRAMENTO CA AS JILLIAN IS ON THE PROWL FOR #DOGDICK & in #MassiveDoGGYHEAT

Strategies For Change #JillianLeAnnQuistJones aka #SlurpyDogPussy The #DogDickAddictedAddictionCounselor accepting new #DoGFucKeR Clients just like herself! Call Today 916-473-5764 4441 Auburn Blvd Sacramento CA. #JillianLeAnnQuistJones VOTED #1 #MosTWorthLessFucKHole on a #DoGFucKeR in AMERICAN US HISTORY. Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones was convicted of Bestiality 286.5PC for fucking dogs while pregnant & has fucked 3000+ Dogs & Orally Copulated Another 10,000+ Dogs. BEWARE IN SACRAMENTO CA AS JILLIAN IS ON THE PROWL FOR #DOGDICK & in #MassiveDoGGYHEAT

[beardedmrbean]

TOPSHAM, Maine (WMTW) - The body of a 20-year-old woman was found in a parking lot near the Frank J. Woods Bridge in Topsham on Sunday Morning.

Topsham Police say the woman is from California and is a student at Bowdoin College.

Police were dispatched around 7 a.m. on Sunday morning after they received a report that a deceased person had been located in the parking lot located at 2 Main St.

The Topsham Police Department did not release the woman’s name as they want to ensure that her family has time to notify family and friends of her untimely death, however in a statement released by Bowdoin College President Safa Zaki, the student’s name is Qingyang Zhan.

The woman’s body has been taken to the Medical Examiner’s Office where an autopsy has been conducted, and officials are awaiting the results.

Police say the investigation is continuing but they do not believe there is any threat to the public.

Topsham Police Department said in a social media post, “Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of the deceased as well as the Bowdoin College Community.”

Below is the full statement released by Bowdoin College President Safa Zaki to the school’s community regarding the news.

To the campus community, I write with the very sad and upsetting news that our student Qingyang Zhan ‘25—known as K—died overnight off campus. We do not yet know the cause of death, which is under investigation. K was born in Shanghai, China, and has been living in the US since 2019. A graduate of the Athenian School in Danville, California, she also studied at Oxnard College in Oxnard, California, before matriculating at Bowdoin in the fall of 2021. Faculty members describe K as a bright and engaging presence, and many will remember her warmth and kindness. Her academic advisor, Jean Yarbrough—the Gary M. Pendy Sr. Professor of Social Sciences—described K as a student who was deeply interested in the most important theological and philosophical questions. K helped found Bowdoin’s Chinese Students Association and was also active in the Asian Student Association. A government and legal studies and Asian studies double major, she was a learning assistant for Asian Studies in the Baldwin Center for Teaching and Learning and a musician who played the piano and guitar as part of the Bowdoin Concert Band. K’s death is a devastating tragedy for her parents, her brother, other loved ones, and also for her friends, classmates, and our entire Bowdoin community. This news is very difficult to process, especially since we do not yet know the circumstances of K’s death. Please take care of yourselves and of others and take advantage of the opportunities to come together. We will hold space in Main Lounge of Moulton Union today, Sunday, March 31, from 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Counseling and student affairs staff will be present. Counseling will have extended hours for students this week through Thursday (9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.). Additionally, students may reach out to Tell us Health Student Support for telehealth counseling support. Wellspace@Work is available to faculty and staff seeking support. We will share information about a campus memorial service as soon as we can. Like so many of you, I am heartbroken and shocked. There really are no adequate words to convey how devastating this loss is for our community. I know you join me in extending heartfelt condolences to K’s family..

[slurpysacramentosluts]

Beware of The #Sacramento #DoGFucKeR!! No JOKE!! SERIOUS #BESTIALITYBITCH & WILL FUCK YOUR DOG IN A HEART BEAT!!! AND ROB YOU AT THE SAME TIME!! Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones aka #SLURPYDOGPUSSY was convicted of bestiality 286.5PC for FUCKING DOGS WHILE PREGNANT! ALSO Jillian has #HPVANALWARTS AND #VAGINALHERPES AND SPREADS HER STDS AND DOES KNOT GIVE PEOPLE THE CHOICE OR THE OPTION AS JILLIAN FAILS TO MENTION HER STD STATUS AND EVEN GOES SO FAR AS TO HAVE Unprotected SEX WHICH IS EVEN MORE EVIL AND OUTRAGEOUSLY MORALLY CORRUPT!! GOOGLE JILLIAN AND THE WORDS STDS #SLURPYDOGPUSSY AND YOU CAN SEE THE VIDEOS OF THE SACRAMENTO PROSTITUTE WHO USES THE NAME #VANNASWEETS AND THE VIDEOS OF HER LAUGHING ABT GIVING VICTIMS HER STDS , VIDEOS OF JILLIAN CALLING PEOPLE THE #Nword being a #RACIST #BIGOT , VIDEOS OF JILLIAN TALKING ABOUT #MAKENNAQUIST AND #ALLISONQUIST IN PORN ROLEPLAY VIDEOS WITH DADDY #RYANJEFFREYQUIST AKA #THEGREATHYMENREMOVALIST , VIDEOS OF JILLIAN ENGAGING WITH DOGS AND HAVING SEX WITH THEM, VIDEOS OF JILLIAN PHYSICALLY ASSAULTING AND ATTACKING INDIVIDUALS. BE VERY CAREFUL AND YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD AND ALERTED SO DO AS YOU DO. THIS HAS BEEN A COMMUNITY NOTIFICATION BROADCAST ALERT OF PUBLIC INFORMATION THAT IS ALL VERIFIABLE WITH COURT RECORDS OR VIDEOS SHOWING STATED INFORMATION THAT ARE ONLINE FOR PUBLIC AWARENESS. THANK YOU

Beware of The #Sacramento #DoGFucKeR!! No JOKE!! SERIOUS #BESTIALITYBITCH & WILL FUCK YOUR DOG IN A HEART BEAT!!! AND ROB YOU AT THE SAME TIME!! Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones aka #SLURPYDOGPUSSY was convicted of bestiality 286.5PC for FUCKING DOGS WHILE PREGNANT! ALSO Jillian has #HPVANALWARTS AND #VAGINALHERPES AND SPREADS HER STDS AND DOES KNOT GIVE PEOPLE THE CHOICE OR THE OPTION AS JILLIAN FAILS TO MENTION HER STD STATUS AND EVEN GOES SO FAR AS TO HAVE Unprotected SEX WHICH IS EVEN MORE EVIL AND OUTRAGEOUSLY MORALLY CORRUPT!! GOOGLE JILLIAN AND THE WORDS STDS #SLURPYDOGPUSSY AND YOU CAN SEE THE VIDEOS OF THE SACRAMENTO PROSTITUTE WHO USES THE NAME #VANNASWEETS AND THE VIDEOS OF HER LAUGHING ABT GIVING VICTIMS HER STDS , VIDEOS OF JILLIAN CALLING PEOPLE THE #Nword being a #RACIST #BIGOT , VIDEOS OF JILLIAN TALKING ABOUT #MAKENNAQUIST AND #ALLISONQUIST IN PORN ROLEPLAY VIDEOS WITH DADDY #RYANJEFFREYQUIST AKA #THEGREATHYMENREMOVALIST , VIDEOS OF JILLIAN ENGAGING WITH DOGS AND HAVING SEX WITH THEM, VIDEOS OF JILLIAN PHYSICALLY ASSAULTING AND ATTACKING INDIVIDUALS. BE VERY CAREFUL AND YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD AND ALERTED SO DO AS YOU DO. THIS HAS BEEN A COMMUNITY NOTIFICATION BROADCAST ALERT OF PUBLIC INFORMATION THAT IS ALL VERIFIABLE WITH COURT RECORDS OR VIDEOS SHOWING STATED INFORMATION THAT ARE ONLINE FOR PUBLIC AWARENESS. THANK YOU

#MeghanWilt aka #TunaTOASTBitcH #DoubleHamhock aka #MrsDaddyO aka #PipePrincess left her #MethPipe behind. Meghans #bff #JillianLeAnnQuistJones

FUCKS Meghans baby daddy #DaddyOmar #OmarMojaddidi behind 
Meghan’s back on the almost daily but Meghan looks the other way because she likes do doubles tandem partner doing their #doggyfuckfest and getting that #DoGDicK Meghan and Jillian are very well known in the Sacramento Region and very good at what they do as Jillian has fucked over 3600 dogs and orally copulated another 13,000 dogs and was convicted of bestiality 286.5PC for fucking dogs while pregnant and kinking out names of Makenna Quist Allison Quist and NOVALOU in kink roleplay porn videos with daddy Ryan Jeffrey Quist aka #ThegreathymenReMovaLisT

#MeghanWilt aka #TunaTOASTBitcH #DoubleHamhock aka #MrsDaddyO aka #PipePrincess left her #MethPipe behind. Meghans #bff #JillianLeAnnQuistJones

FUCKS Meghans baby daddy #DaddyOmar #OmarMojaddidi behind 
Meghan’s back on the almost daily but Meghan looks the other way because she likes do doubles tandem partner doing their #doggyfuckfest and getting that #DoGDicK Meghan and Jillian are very well known in the Sacramento Region and very good at what they do as Jillian has fucked over 3600 dogs and orally copulated another 13,000 dogs and was convicted of bestiality 286.5PC for fucking dogs while pregnant and kinking out names of Makenna Quist Allison Quist and NOVALOU in kink roleplay porn videos with daddy Ryan Jeffrey Quist aka #ThegreathymenReMovaLisT

[thedogfucker]

https://ifunnyx.co/video/klMr7wwLA?s=u

Meth TRAP HOUSE AS DUDE HAS TOILET PAPER IN ASS STILL AS HE LOOKS FOR JILLIAN LEANN QUIST JONES THE #SACRAMENTO #DoGFucKeR AKA #SLURPYDOGPUSSY SOCKS!!

[zoophiliapolice]

[sacramentodograper]

Sacramento Racist Bigot! Nword

#Sacramento #DOGFUCKER #DoGRaPeR with that #SLURPYDOGPUSSY MISS JILLIÀN LEANN QUIST JONES THE #1 #DoGGYSLUT and #iFunnyFanatics

Favorite #DoGDicKLOVER #BesTiaLitYBiTcH

as Jilliàn LeAnn Quist Jones is in a constant state of #MassiveDoGGYHEAT for #K9PLAY

https://pin.it/3ncpR3zVery bad experience. Violated ME as im in sobriety and my Therapist Miss Jillian Quist Jones at Strategies For Change aka WellSpace Health tried to get me to get high with her after a counseling session. Had no idea Jillian had intentions of trying to get me to break my sobriety otherwise i would NOT HAVE CHOSEN TO ACCEPT HER OFFER TO HANG OUT AND ULTIMATELY GO.TO HER HOUSE. BAD IDEA I KNOW WellSpace Health or known as Strategies For Change hired this bestialityMonger and violator of epic proportions as Jillian LeAnn Quist Jones kinks out the names Makenna Quist and Allison Quist name in role play daddy daughter kink porn with daddy Ryan Jeffrey Quist doing the deed and being TheGrEaTHyMeNRemovaLisT and Jillian aka SlurpyDogPussy aka Vanna Sweets the name Jillian uses to be known as when she is the known SacraMenTo Prostitute. Jillian was also convicted of bestiality in 2019 Sacramento CA for having sex with dogs while pregnant! JUST GOOGLE " SLURPYDOGPUSSY " AND YOU WILL SEE IT ALL!! ITS ALL OVER THE WEB AND YOU CAN SEE DOGGY SEX PORN VIDEOS REGULAR PORN DADDY DAUGHTER INCEST ROLEPLAY YOU CAN SEE JILLIAN VIOLATING THE OLD THE YOUNG EVERYONE IN BETWEEN REQUESTING FOR DOG SEX ON CRAIGSLIST YOU HAVE IT ALL IT'S ONLINE.

#MakennaQuist Mom The #Sacramento #DoGFucKeR #DoGRaPeR CONVICTED OF BESTIALITY 286.5P'C for RAPING DOGS WHILE PREGNANT. BEWARE IN SACRAMENTO CA OF THE #SLURPYDOGPUSSY JILLIAN LEANN QUIST JONES

[octg-network]

Spacing dynamics play a key role in developing sustainable free cash flow. Enverus' Bernadette Johnson presents the current trends and challenges. Stream her session, "Well-Spacing Strategy: Current Developments", and others starting Sept. 29-30! DUG Permian and DUG Eagle Ford. Two Plays, One Conference. Broadcasting September 29-30, 2020! Be sure to register from the link below and visit the DUG Permian website ASAP where you can submit your questions now for the speakers. Do not miss the chance to raise your concerns and ask questions! Complimentary Access: https://dugpermian.live/Oil-Country-Media Join us! Hart Energy Conferences #DUGPermianBasin #DUGEagleford #oilandgas #shale #hartenergy #permianbasin #eagleford #oilcountrymedia #wellspacing #energyindependence #oilprices https://www.instagram.com/p/CFa11oLDc2l/?igshid=x4o85tjbngt7

[balancewellspacedenver]

Discover the Power of Regenerative Care at Balance Wellspace Denver

Regenerative care is revolutionizing the way we approach healing and recovery. At Balance Wellspace Denver, we offer cutting-edge regenerative treatments designed to repair and restore damaged tissues, promoting faster and more effective healing. Our regenerative care services include advanced therapies such as platelet-rich plasma (PRP) and stem cell therapy.

These innovative treatments harness your body's natural healing abilities, stimulating tissue regeneration and reducing inflammation. Whether you're dealing with joint pain, tendon injuries, or arthritis, regenerative care can provide a non-surgical solution to help you regain your mobility and improve your quality of life. Our team of specialists will create a customized treatment plan tailored to your specific needs, ensuring optimal results. Experience the future of healing at Balance Wellspace Denver and start your journey to recovery today.

[thepropertylovers]

A Clean House = A Happier Husband

Even after six years of marriage, and over 11 years of being together, it’s always fun (interesting?) to learn something new about your husband.

Such was the case yesterday. To start off, our house is not the tidiest. Or the cleanest. Regardless of what you may or may not see on social media, our house lately looks like a tornado went through it. Despite my best efforts, I’m finding it harder to keep it clean on a day to day basis. It feels like the second I get one room semi-cleaned, it gets trashed again within minutes. Maybe even seconds.

Even when our house is technically clean, there is still stuff everywhere. Just stuff. Papers, mail, boxes, little toys here and there, paperclips, cups, books, magazines, etc. No one would ever accuse us of being minimalists, and I actually don’t mind the look of clutter in a controlled sense, but it has gotten out of hand lately, and we’ve both felt overwhelmed by the state of our house the last few months.

So yesterday after a somewhat heated discussion, and a resolution to do better, PJ decided to do something about it: as I prepared dinner, he went through the ENTIRE house and cleaned. He threw away a ton of trash, washed couch cushions, organized stacks of papers, rearranged items that have been in the same place for months (that never should have been there in the first place), put toys away, cleaned our desk that has been a mess for a while now, and deep cleaned our bathroom (even behind the toilet!). Phew. I’m getting exhausted just writing all of that.

PJ is a machine. If you’ve been here a while, you know that when he sets his mind to something, he does it, and he does it quickly. I’m a little slower (read: a lot slower) in that department, and it usually takes me a while to finish cleaning. I get distracted and off task easily, so while my intentions are good, it just takes me a bit longer to reach my goal. Thank goodness we have each other, right? 😂

Anyway, while cleaning, PJ shared with me why he gets so frustrated when the house is a wreck. It’s no secret that he has anxiety; PJ’s been very open about his struggles and has even discussed it in a few of our YouTube videos. He informed me that, a lot of times, a messy environment affects people with anxiety because, at least in his case, he needs a certain amount of control in his life in order to feel safe, to feel normal, and when the house is messy, there’s no sense of control. Everything is all over the place and it causes his anxiety to heighten, leaving him upset and, in many ways, disoriented.

In a blog post for the site Scary Mommy, Wendy Wisner, who has an anxiety disorder, shares that, “Cleaning up clutter is not just another thing on the to-do list like packing my kids’ lunches, changing the car’s oil, or making my next dentist appointment. It’s a full-on ragey kind of panic.”

She explains further, “It’s the feeling that I literally can’t breathe with all the clutter that’s filling our house. It’s a feeling that the world is a chaotic place that I can’t control, and all of that chaos is represented by the loud, unruly, angsty wreck that is my living room.”

It’s proven that the state of your home, of any of environment really, has a profound affect on your overall mood, for better or for worse. A home that is in disarray can cause you to “feel mentally overloaded, drained or lacking control- unpleasant sensations that are all too familiar to people living with anxiety,” says a recent article on HuffPost.com.

The article quotes Kim Strong, a licensed clinical social worker at Wellspace SF: “For many people, their home is a sanctuary away from the overstimulation of the world and its daily operations. A messy or disorganized environment at home can be a tangible reminder of this chaos and may cause a feeling of being out of control or anxious. Looking around at a messy room can be a reminder of a long to-do list, unfinished tasks or, in general, can make moving around and finding things one needs more difficult.”

The few hours PJ spent cleaning last night weren’t just good for the look and functionality of our home, but for his mental health as well. I feel sad to say I never knew that about him until now. I never knew that, when our house is unorganized and messy, it causes his anxiety to rise and go into overdrive. We talked last night and he shared with me his tolerance level when it comes to how disorderly the house can get before his anxiety kicks in, and we both agreed to work harder at it. Our preferences might be different, but the goal of us both having a healthy mental state, and doing whatever it takes to achieve that, is the same.

Marriage, and life in general, is about working together towards a common goal, listening to the other person and taking in, really taking in, what they have to say, and making the appropriate changes if needed. After six years of marriage and over 11 years of being together, it’s always fun and interesting to learn something new about your husband.

Especially when it helps him lead a happier life.

[compassionthreads]

Real Apologies

Someone asked how to deliver real apologies and how to grow out of behaviors that hurt others and here is what I can offer under the read more: 

Why it can be hard to apologise  

So why do so many people struggle with admitting their mistakes, electing instead to play the ostrich-head-in-the-sand game? Often masquerading behind stiff facades and a determination to shift blame (often onto the hurt party), and to save ego and skin, it’s a dangerous place to sit long term.

Owning and admitting mistakes of any kind can feel like a loss of power and a declaration of weakness. This is a phoney fear in reality as taking responsibility and apologising takes great courage and strength.

Studies also show entrenched non-apologists grapple with deeper psychological conflict around apologising as it elicits fundamental shameful feelings (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid.  

Sue Parker wrote for SmartCompany: 

For clarity, I’m reflecting in this article on the commonplace (but still harmful) mistakes that are made in our lives and businesses — as opposed to those of the monumental, historical, government, institutional and or royal commission kind. -SUE PARKER AUGUST 14, 2019

So, given that humans make mistakes, be they intentional or inadvertent, why is admitting and apologising with remorse often akin to pulling a decayed tooth from a tiger? What prevents people stepping out to take responsibility and remedy? Mistakes that are not addressed can be set in stone causing ongoing commercial and human damage.

“It’s never too late to put things right. It’s never too late to say sorry and mean it.”

A genuine apology can shift mountains of despair, alleviate hurt, elevate self-esteem and purpose, encourage honesty, build partnerships, foster trust and most importantly allow situations and relationships to really repair, grow and succeed.

An apology:

Is simply the right and decent thing to do;

Works to repair and re-establish relationships and trust;

Helps restores dignity and wellbeing to the other party who has been hurt;

Minimises conflict and gives the space for business creativity;

Strengthens self-respect and values 

Minimises feelings of deep remorse that can impact you physically and emotionally.

-SUE PARKER AUGUST 14, 2019

Apologies are definitely “crucial conversations,” and the book gives good insight into the win-win potential a real apology creates:

…an apology isn’t really an apology unless you experienced a change in heart. To offer a sincere apology, your motives have to change. You have to give up saving face, being right or winning in order to focus on what you really want. You have to sacrifice a bit of your ego by admitting your error. But like many sacrifices, when you give up something you value, you’re rewarded with something even more valuable — healthy dialogue and better results.

According to The Power of Remorse and Apology by Hershey H Friedman an apology is structured in the next manner: 

What does an apology entail? O’Hara (2004), synthesizing the literature on apologies, states that an effective apology has the following four elements:

(1) Identification of the wrongful act; (2) Expression of remorse and regret for having committed the act; (3) Promise to forbear from committing the wrongful act in the future; (4) Offer of repair.

There can be an apology without remorse. Indeed, this is usually a failed or pseudo-apology, an apology that does not heal and may make matters worse. Lazare (2004, pp. 85-106) describes various types of apologies that do not indicate true remorse, for instance:

An apology that minimizes the offense or implies that the victim was not really hurt. 

A conditional apology such as “If anyone has been hurt by my actions, I am sorry” does not usually indicate remorse. 

On the other hand, there can be remorse without apology. Remorse usually indicates that there are psychological pain and suffering on the part of the wrongdoer. They wish they could go back in time and undo the bad deed. Many people regret past misdeeds and think of them often but may, however, never apologize to their victims. 

Remorse without an apology may mean that both the victim and the offender suffer an entire life; there is no opportunity for healing. 

Engel (2001, p. 12) observes:

When we apologize to someone we have hurt, disappointed, neglected, or betrayed, we give them a wonderful gift that is far more healing than almost anything else we can give. By apologizing, we let the other person know that we regret having hurt him or her. Just as important, we let this person know we respect him, and we care about his feelings. It becomes one of the most effective tools for mending a relationship.

Therefore this begs the question what constitues then, as a Non apology? 

According to Zahra Barnes (JUL 21, 2015); A non apology constitutes of Five core signs that the aggravator does not mean what they say.

1. They Don't Seem to Understand Why They’re Apologizing

After actually saying "I'm sorry," comprehending what they  did wrong is the bare minimum for an apology. "Sorry on its own is like a balloon without a string," says Greer. "It needs to be tied to them  explaining how they  hurt you."

If they’re not showing an awareness of why what they did wasn't okay and how it affected your feelings, they probably doesn't get that they did anything wrong in the first place. "The apology is just the beginning," says Greer. "The first thing it needs to be packaged with is an explanation of what exactly they’re apologizing for."

2. They Make It All About Themself

Empathy is key for a successful apology, but it needs to be done the right way. "When someone brings in their own experience, he runs the risk of trivializing the intensity of your feelings," says Greer. Instead of making it sound like they know exactly how they hurt you, they could have tweaked the language and settled on something like, "I'm sorry I created some backlash that was upsetting for you. I've been through some myself, and it wasn't fair to help put you in that position." (On a social example.) That way, it doesn't make it seem like they think they're in the same exact situation.

3. They Make a Show Out of It

So about that whole getting-on-his-knees and apologizing to (social circle or media) thing. "That's television, so it makes more sense there, but if a person is falling all over themselves just repeating that they’re sorry, it may not be sincere," says Greer. Without an explanation of how they plan on changing any hurtful behaviors in the future, dramatic apologies can fall flat. "An apology should include some sort of intention about how they’re going to change going forward," says Greer. That's one major way you'll know they care about not making the same mistake twice.

4. Their Actions Don't Mimic Their Words

Following a person’s stated resolve to do better, they need to actually, you know, do better. "You have to give it time to play out because what people say in the moment can only be supported by what they do in the future," says Greer. Otherwise, a lack of change shows they can't take ownership of the apology. 

5. They Expect You to Get Over It ASAP

If a person does all of the above, they could still undermine what would otherwise be a good apology by expecting you to go back to normal in an instant. "That's more about them wanting you to get on with it without fully understanding why you might need more time," says Greer. Instead, after explaining that they knows how they hurt you and what they’ll do to make sure it doesn't happen again, a person who's truly sorry will get that it might take some time for you to heal.

Given this information it’s understood that the structure of the apology needs to be characterized by giving a victim space, understanding, empathy, and giving oneself personal introspection and reparation. 

But to be more exact, how do you say you don’t mean something, and/or how do you avoid saying the wrong thing?

Kelsey Borresen (04/12/2018) has a good list of things Not to say during apologies that are representative of nonapologies:

1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Even though this phrase begins with the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ it is not a real apology. It does not take ownership of any wrongdoing. It does not communicate remorse for your actions, and it does not express any empathy towards the other person’s feelings. Instead, it may imply that you think the other person is being irrational or overly sensitive. Try to understand and take responsibility for how your actions or words hurt the other person, saying something like, ‘I’m sorry that I canceled our plans at the last minute. It was inconsiderate of your time and I understand why you are angry at me.’” ― Gina Delucca, clinical psychologist at Wellspace SF

2. “I’m sorry I said that, but I never would have if you hadn’t behaved the way you did.”

“Again, we are hearing blame. ‘Look what you made me do.’ This is not an apology for one’s behavior but actually a maneuver to hold the other person responsible for one’s behavior. In other words, ‘You caused me to say this to you.’ We are all responsible for our behavior, no matter what the other person says or does. A heartfelt apology is to recognize the pain we cause and own our behavior: ‘I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did and upset you.’” ― Carol A. Lambert, psychotherapist and author of Women with Controlling Partners

3. “I was stressed out!” (or tired... or hungry... or in a bad mood...)

“This makes a recurrence of the offense almost inevitable. Always connect the apology to the future. For example, ‘The next time I feel that way (whatever triggered the offense), I will remember that I love you and that our bond is so important to me,’ or, ‘I’ll make sure I get centered in my values so I don’t act on impulse.’ The subtext should always be: ‘I’m sorry that I hurt you and harmed the bond between us.’” ― Steven Stosny, psychologist and author of Love Without Hurt

4. “I said I’m sorry already, why can’t you just let it go?”

“Blaming your partner for not immediately accepting your apology, forgiving you and moving on is unrealistic and unfair. For an apology to be effective, it must be clear that: 

1) You accept full responsibility for your actions and inactions; 

2) You are sincerely sorry for anything you’ve done to cause pain and

3) That you want to remedy the situation by giving your partner what they need to feel safe in order to move on and forgive you. 

Not all apologies lead to immediate forgiveness. It may take time. And it may take apologizing more than once. Start by asking what your partner needs in order to trust you and feel safe and then do it.” ― Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

5. “I was reacting to...”

“This is an excuse, not an apology.” ― Stosny

6. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“This is an example of a conditional apology that doesn’t truly acknowledge any remorse or personal responsibility. By using the word ‘if,’ you are communicating that the problem isn’t really about what you did, but is about how the person reacted to what you did instead.

Essentially, this type of ‘non-apology’ places the blame back onto the person it’s directed at. Simply remove the word ‘if,’ and your apology can take on a whole new meaning: ‘I’m sorry I offended you. I will make sure to be more considerate and careful with my words in the future.’” ― Tara Griffith, marriage and family therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF

7. “I may have done this, but you did that!”

“Try to avoid keeping score and bringing up times when the other person was in the wrong. An apology is about you acknowledging the wrongfulness of your own actions and making amends; it is not about pointing fingers at other people as a way to justify your actions.” ― Delucca

Here are six words that can sabotage your apology in no time flat delivered by 

1. You

There’s no better way to apologize without actually apologizing than following an “I’m sorry” with this three-letter pronoun. “I’m sorry you … [feel that way/think that/misinterpreted things/anything else].”

If you’re sorry, be sorry for your actions. Don’t imply that the recipient was wrong to feel upset or hurt.

Of course, context is important. If it applies, then feel free to throw in you at other points, as in the always appreciated expression “You were right, and I was wrong.”

2. But

This little conjunction may be the ultimate apology annihilator. You never know what will come after it, but whatever it is, it’s bound to steer your mea culpa away from sincerity and down a road of excuses and exculpations . Best to leave the phrase “I’m sorry, but … ” at the door.

3. If

Such a short little pronoun, but its passive-aggressive power is massive.

“If it came off that way …” “If I hurt you …” “If you think I was wrong …” If you were wrong there should be no ifs about it.

4. I

It’s obviously OK to start an apology with I, as in “I am sorry,” but if the rest of your apology is filled with “I this …”  and “I that…” then there’s a good chance you’re making it all about you, and not about the person you hurt. Be mindful of how you incorporate this term, and whether what follows is a line of defense, or something more earnest and useful.

5. Blame

While the rain (cue Milli Vanilli), tequila, or anything else may have something to do with your actions, saying, “I blame it on … ” sucks the sincerity right out of an apology. It implies that you’re holding someone or something other than yourself responsible, and it sounds more like an explanation than a plea for forgiveness. Plus, we all know that it can never really be the tequila’s fault.

6. Not

This mighty adverb can come in handy in all kinds of heartfelt apologetic phrases, but the tired “sorry, not sorry” isn’t one of them. Enough with the sarcastic sorrow. Can we please just banish this phrase already? Either be sorry or don’t be sorry, and if you’re not, then words like unapologetic , impenitent, and obdurate have a much nicer ring.

Then if it is this easy to own up, apologize and move on, how come so many people cannot do this? 

Why Apologies Threaten Non-Apologists, by  Guy Winch tells us that for non-apologists, saying "I’m sorry" carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:

Admissions of wrongdoing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.

Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can instead open the door to shame. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes non-apologists feel bad about their selves—who they are—which is what makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.

While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.

Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability. If arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.

By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct. 

However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case) will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.

Looking at the barebasics of the psychology behind non apologists, and what a non apology may look like, is it possible to implement an apology as an abuse tactic? The short answer ? Is yes, it is. And it is extremely common in familial and romantic relationships with toxic and or unhealthy people who do not know anything about emotional maturity. That and by abusers. 

Emily Desanctis’s article for the Writer’s Corps tells us What “I’m Sorry” Means When it’s Used to Manipulate You:

1. A declaration made out of selfishness

Synonym: I don’t want to feel guilty anymore

I feel guilty because of what happened, and guilt isn’t a good feeling. I’m saying that I’m sorry to make myself feel better, not you.

2. A means to end a dispute that the apologizer would prefer to avoid, often for lack of caring

Synonym: This conversation is over

I’m tired and bored with this disagreement so I’m using these words to end it. I probably don’t believe it or don’t care enough to get to the real issue and so I’ll say this, so you’ll stop pressing for more. It may seem that I’m submitting to your point here, but in fact, I’m using this phrase to avoid doing so.

3. A method of appeasement to control another person

Synonym: I’m in control

I’m telling you what you want to hear not because I mean it, but because I know it will appease you and then allow me to pull your strings as I desire. If I don’t say it, there’s a high likelihood of some outcome occurring that I don’t want to happen—maybe you’ll stop talking to me or leave me home alone while you go out with your friends or break up with me for good. “I’m sorry” is simply a tool I pull out from my toolbox to prevent these things from happening.

4. A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”

Synonym: you should be sorry

I wanted to hurt you and I did exactly what I knew would do so. But you started it—like always, you did something to make me upset: you weren’t where you said you’d be, you smiled at that stranger in an overtly flirtatious way, you took too long to respond to my text. Even though you might pretend that you didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that’s a lie. This is really your fault; in fact, you should be apologizing to me.

5. A means of furthering the test of how far the apologizer can push the other person’s boundaries and get away with it

Synonym: I’m testing you

I know what will hurt you and I do it with pleasure. I’m testing you to see what I can get away with—to see what you’ll put up with and what you won’t. “I’m sorry” is just something I say before I do this again—maybe the same exact way, or maybe slightly differently. Don’t worry, over time you’ll become desensitized to this; it will simply be “normal,” and so I’ll continue to push further so I can provoke you to react and keep myself entertained.

The hidden meaning behind any disingenuous “I’m sorry” is the same: I’m not really sorry because you deserve it. This is the lie that manipulators who lavish false apologies spread.

In short, a sincere apology can be seen in 3 parts: “I am sorry . It's my fault .What can I do to make it right?”

And how can a person show that they are becoming better?

Respect boundaries. Respect people’s intrincasies or walk away if you cannot coexist healthily. Communicate, constantly. Everything and Anything will be misinterpreted. This is not a joke, it is a common human matter.

Surround yourself with people who will be ready to openly critcize, hold you accountable and/or call you out on your unhealthy behavior, not those that will simply not along to your actions or look the other way when someone is being hurt by you. Yes men are not a ways to grow up, they are enablers who will hold you back on your path toward becoming a better, healthier person and who will allow you to walk all over them regardless of their own feelings and opinions.

Cultivate Gratitude. Yeah. You’ve probably heard it a million times, but keeping a gratitude journal of what you’re thankful for can have a big effect on your mindset. Research has shown that incorporating gratitude into your daily life can help ward off stress, improve sleep, and cultivate more positive social relationships.

Anna Hennings, MA, a mental performance coach in sport psychology, recommends using the acronym GIFT to help you identify what you’re grateful for.

When thinking about things you’re grateful for, look for instances of:

Growth: personal growth, like learning a new skill

Inspiration: moments or things that inspired you

Friends/family: people who enrich your life

Tranquility: the small, in-between moments, such as enjoying a cup of coffee or a good book

Surprise: the unexpected or a nice favor

The next time you find yourself feeling incompetent or overwhelmed, try telling yourself:

“I know this change is going to be challenging, but I’ve put a lot of meaningful thought into it and have considered all the options open to me [fact], so I feel confident I am doing the best I can in this moment [optimism].”

Being kind to others can help give you a sense of purpose and make you feel less isolated.

Try doing something nice for someone at random:

Pay a compliment to a stranger.

Buy lunch for your colleague.

Send a card to a friend.

Make a donation to someone in need.

“You’ll notice your mood lift a little when you do good for the sheer joy of it,” says Roantree. (Studies Trusted Source) show that simply counting acts of kindness for one week can boost happiness and gratitude.

Allow the other person’s experience to be what it is, without trying to dismiss their pain. Work to extend true empathy, as you strive to understand their perspective. There may be a time to teach them a life lesson; for now, offer your love and care instead, which validates their experience.

Before offering your opinion or guidance, think carefully about how it’s likely to be received. For example, that critiques of one’s parenting are almost never welcome. You might also take a closer look at what’s driving the pattern of criticism, and discuss with the recipient how you intend to change your behavior.

Be honest with yourself about the feelings you have that lead to the behavior. If you’re unhappy about something and it’s worth addressing, find a time and a way to do it directly and honestly.

Take a close look at your patterns in relationships. Look into information on “attachment style” (like this book), which is how we tend to connect with other people. You might also address this issue in therapy.

Think about the people you’re close to and who is going through a hard time. Let them know you are there if they need anything. Put reminders in your calendar to check in with them regularly. And remember, it’s much better to support someone imperfectly than to be absent, even if you don’t know “the right thing to say.”

Share more openly with the people who need to know. This will probably be painful at first, but it will spare you and others pain in the long run. It is also likely to lead to more support than you otherwise would have had, and perhaps to a solution you hadn’t thought of.

When you listen and ask more, you are better able to learn and understand others. Compassion and empathy are learned emotions and behaviors.

When you people please, it’s not genuine. And people can definitely feel that and can tell. It doesn’t benefit anyone. The person who is on the receiving end feels uncomfortable and like the other person is acting out of obligation.

Have you ever met someone who was super nice to you, but rude to workers and waiters? Or they were always complimenting you, but always had something mean to say about everyone else? Or they showered you with gifts and ‘love’ only because they wanted something in return or to manipulate you? This is similar and these people may very well be people pleasers. They just want everyone to like them if it serves them.

This is not most people pleasers though. People pleasing often stems out of fear and anxiety, fear of rejection and low self-esteem which results in lower standards, letting people walk all over us, and being afraid to say no.

You should never try to be generous for the sake of being liked. That’s not generosity. It’s people pleasing. And people will often see right through it.

One should learn from other’s mistakes. This is one of the best way to become a better person. People around you - Parent, sibilings, cousins, friends make mistakes. Its always wise to learn from their mistakes, and avoid it in your life.

One should accept their own mistakes. This is first step toward improving yourself, if you don’t accept your mistakes, you are never going to improve. If someone think, he is always right, then in reality he is doing something terribly wrong.

Be humble and avoid ego. There is always someone, who is better than you, so having ego on something is never going to work.

And most importantly don’t pretend that “because it was (x time) ago” it does not matter or that the person / people you have harmed have to “get over it” or are “holding old shit” / “against you”. 

Hurt is hurt whether you like it or not. And when you cause it, change needs to come from within, it needs to be a personal decision and choice. 

Ask for introspective opinions and constructive criticism. Seek professional guidance and help. Sort your own shit out. Move on if you’re told to move on by your victims. Don’t cling. 

Sources: 

O’Hara, Erin Ann (2004). Apology and thick trust: What spouse abusers and negligent doctors might have in common. Chicago-Kent Law Review, 79(3), 1055-1089.

Lazare, Aaron (2004). On apology. New York: Oxford University Press.

5 Signs His Apology Is Bullsh*t

If You Say This During An Apology, You're Doing It Wrong

5 Reasons Why Some People Will Never Say Sorry / Twitter @GuyWinch Copyright 2013 Guy Winch

What “I’m Sorry” Means When it’s Used to Manipulate You  

You’ve stuffed up, now what? Why the power of a genuine apology can move mountains

Writer’s name needed: https://www.dictionary.com/e/words-that-ruin-an-apology/

Lastly: Administrator’s personal imput. 

[thedogfucker]

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Miss me!!

Addiction Counselor at Strategies For Change aka WellSpace Health in Sacramento and is not a great addiction counselor as she is rude and never lets you talk even though Jillian ask questions she never lets you answer and it’s about her her her and I’m the addict going to see her as my therapist!! Then like 2 weeks ago Jillian asked about dogs and hinted around about dogs and sex and it was super creepy. I ended up googleing her name and the facility and wowwwwww the place is awful as it hires criminals such as ………..Please GOOGLE AND SEE FOR YOURSELF! Beware in Sacramento CA !!

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