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myownwholewildworld · 3 months ago

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wherever you go (a joel miller's ff) - chapter 5

chapter 4 | series masterlist | main masterlist | chapter 6

pairing: outbreak!2003!joel x f!reader. (it's actually 2004 now)

summary: after what happened a couple of months ago, you are ready to move forward. joel? not so much. he might need a little... prodding.

warnings: 18+, mdni. internal and verbal discussions of feelings, trauma and past relationships. some jealousy (if you squint very hard). porn with plot or plot with porn (however you wanna look at it). again, absolutely filthy smut because i don’t know any better (sorry not sorry). fluff. voyeurism (you spy on joel). masturbation (f and m). oral (f and m receiving). finger sucking. unprotected piv. praise kink. sir kink. size kink. cum eating. a bit of cum play. multiple orgasms. overstimulation. squirting. dirty talk. you are very needy in this one and joel is very possessive over you. soft!dom!joel. aftercare. pet names (darlin’, sweetheart, baby, honey). i'm sure i'm forgetting something lol. reader is female, no other description given. reader is mid-late 20s, joel is 36. no use of y/n. joel’s and reader’s pov.

a/n: hiya! first i want to thank you all for the positive feedback this series has gotten! [: i started writing this for myself mainly, and decided to post it here thinking that if a couple of people liked it, it'd make my heart happy. also, i have taken some licenses with joel's past, as neither the game nor the tv show gives many details (you'll understand what i mean). anyways! after the last chapter, our two protagonists (you!) deserve a bit of calm, peace and quiet... right? 😈 as always, thank you all for engaging. i do appreciate any comments, reblogs and/or likes you may want to leave! even asks/requests/side stories if you want to! take care lovelies <3 x

w/c: ~6.3k (sorry?).

tags (let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list pls!): @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @pedrospurplerain @missladym1981

August came around relatively quickly. Tommy had proposed you got closer to civilisation, which meant long trekking trips while the sunlight was still up. Joel agreed reluctantly, as he still thought that was dangerous. You just went along with it, letting them decide ― you didn’t really care where you ended up as long as the Millers were by your side.

Well, one of them especially.

At daytime you barely had time to yourself. However, the story was completely different at nighttime. The second you closed your eyes, snippets of what had happened two months ago flooded your memory. For the first few weeks, the nightmares were unbearable. You would wake up in the dead of night, sweaty and shaking.

And every time you woke up, Joel was by your side. He would hug you while you both laid on improvised beds, no matter how uncomfortable it was. Neither of you would talk, you would just cry in silence while your panic attack subsided ― Joel holding you throughout the whole episode. He had truly been a rock you could hold onto in the middle of a sea storm.

It got to the point where Tommy had started to realise that something was up between you two. Neither you nor Joel denied nor confirmed anything, although Tommy never asked. He would just look away when his brother would attend to you if you fell behind or would offer to do the first night shifts so Joel could be by your side at bedtime.

You were somewhat sure that Joel really cared about you. The way he would look at you… it sent shivers down your spine. The intensity in his eyes was hypnotising ― sometimes you would find yourself lost in his brown orbs, unable to look away. You also really cared about him.

You didn’t want to put a label to your feelings, mainly because you were not sure how Joel would react. You had come to understand that the man was prone to evade any topic about his feelings in general ― physical, emotional or otherwise. You could still not get him to tell you whenever he felt off. Since the blow to his head a couple of months back, Joel had been suffering with horrible headaches, to the point where he had fainted in a couple of instances.

The man was such a closed book you found out about his deceased wife the same way you knew about Sarah ― through Tommy. You assumed he had one or at least a partner at some point in time before the outbreak. The younger brother didn’t give you many details though, not that you asked either ― some wounds were better left untouched.

You liked Tommy a lot. He was a godsend ― so very different to Joel, but so similar in many ways. He was talkative and filled in long silences with stories about how they would cause mayhem at home when they were kids. You didn’t know if they were true or not, but they were entertaining nonetheless. You were under the impression that Tommy was the one who got into sticky situations and Joel was the one who had to fix them.

“I’m gonna go to the lake for a bit”, Joel told you, derailing your train of thought.

“No worries, I’ll get the fire going. Poor Tommy is always the one setting up camp”, you replied with a slight smile.

“Yeah, poor me, relegated to such unsignificant tasks”, said Tommy with a chuckle.

You smiled back and then looked in Joel’s direction. He was frowning at both of you, but quickly controlled his face expression.

“I’ll be back soon”, Joel crouched to look through his backpack, grabbing a couple of towels.

Something inside of you twisted. But you pushed the thought to the back of your head. You had already volunteered to start the fire.

You really tried to focus on the bonfire. And after a few attempts, you finally got it going. Joel had not come back yet from the lake ― it had only been ten minutes, but you were slightly worried in case he had lost consciousness again while no one was around.

“I’ll go check on him”, you told Tommy.

He looked at you with a sarcastic smile.

“Sure thing”, he replied while he started to skin a rabbit.

You rolled your eyes before you left in the direction Joel had gone.

You walked the hundred metres that separated the camp and the lake. The brothers had ensured the area was completely devoid of human existence before they decided to settle there for the night. You were now in Mark Twain National Forest, near St. Louis. You had checked out Kansas City a week ago, but both Tommy and Joel had deemed it too unsafe. So Chicago was your final destination. None of you knew what you would encounter there, but it was worth a try. The wilderness had not proven to be any safer.

Before you got to the bank of the lake, you spotted Joel in the water. He had his back towards you, your eager eyes checking out his broad shoulders, the water level up to his hips. He ran his fingers through his hair, slicking it back.

You stopped walking, somewhat mesmerised, your head slightly tilted to one side with curiosity. In the last two months, you had discovered a new side to Joel you didn’t know he had.

You guessed that what happened that night also affected him in a different way it did you. After he almost decapitated that man, you saw guilt in his eyes when he looked at you ― you still sometimes caught a glimpse of it to this day. As you found out later, that culpability was because he felt responsible for what those men did to you ― he really thought he could have done more. And he did in a sense, because for the next couple of days he hunted down every man in that group until there was no one left to hurt you. Apparently, that was not enough in his eyes, although it was in yours. But as much as you tried to explain that to him, it just wouldn’t sink in. He was so stubborn it made you go crazy sometimes.

Although Joel had been there for you emotionally, he had not touched you for the last two months. You managed to steal a few kisses from him and that was it. He had been extremely cautious with you in that respect. You were relieved he was as you tried to come to terms with what had happened, but after a few weeks it started to feel… frustrating. You were not broken and despite what he thought, you still had needs.

He suddenly looked over his right shoulder, offering you his side profile ― to you, he was gorgeous. Feeling like a child caught causing mischief, you quickly hid behind a tree. Joel looked around, eyebrows touching in confusion, but then he shook his head as if he was imagining things and proceeded to cup his hands in the water to wet his face.

You couldn’t not watch. You instantly realised that was the first time you saw him naked. The last ―and, regrettably, the only― time you two had sex, he was fully clothed. There was something very intimate about seeing him washing up.

You were so transfixed on the picture in front of you it was like the world had disappeared around you. Joel rubbed his skin with a hand towel ― his strong arms, his chest, his back, his lower stomach… Your breath quickened a bit, your heart picking up a pace. Everything about him invited you in ― it wasn’t only his rugged appearance that appealed to you, but also his character.

You started to feel hot. Had the temperature suddenly gone up? It seemed like it. Joel put the hand towel on his left shoulder. When you saw his right hand disappear below the water in front of him, your mouth went dry wishing it was your hand. You wanted to help him clean his manhood so badly ― memories of his delightful cock rocking you into a trance short-circuited your brain.

Before you could stop yourself, you placed one hand on your belly, biting your bottom lip. You finally gave in to temptation, pushing past the edge of your panties. You dipped two fingers in your slit, doing circular movements around your clit. Your eyes, albeit halfway closed in pleasure, could not leave Joel as he kept on freshening up. You pushed down your fingers a bit more, sliding one of them in your needy hole.

You closed your eyes, a half-smile showing on the corner of your lips. That felt so good. If Joel was going to do nothing about it ― fine, you would. Still behind the tree, out of sight, you held on to the bark with your free hand, upping the rhythm of your wet fingers, your thumb rubbing that tight knot in your fold. Then you slightly opened your eyes again ― you wanted to stare at Joel while you came.

But he wasn’t there anymore. You frowned, confused, but you were too busy to worry about that right now. So you closed your eyes again to fully focus on the task at hand. You leaned your forehead against the tree, feeling your orgasm wash over you with intensity. You pressed your lips, suppressing a moan as to not alert Joel of your presence.

“Am I interrupting?”, his soft voice forced you to glance in his direction with starry eyes.

He was on your righthand side, just half a metre away from you. Entirely naked in all his glory, an erection creeping up on him. You were speechless, partially because you had been caught spying on him and partially because you were still feeling the last remnants of your climax, your inner walls crying for something to choke.

“I―I…”, you really tried to excuse yourself, but your voice faltered when your eyes checked him out from top to bottom.

His body was chiselled, his muscles somewhat defined, especially around his waist. He had a pronounced V line with a hairy, happy trail which you avidly followed with your eyes until you were gifted with the sight of his veiny cock. You unconsciously licked your bottom lip.

Your fingers were still dunked in your warm pussy. Joel grabbed your wrist and took your hand out of your underwear, raising it to eye level. Your digits were sticky, covered in your own cum. You should feel ashamed, but you definitely didn’t. Not with him. Joel looked into your eyes, and, without breaking visual contact, he brought your slick fingers closer to his face. With no hesitation, he opened his mouth and pushed them into it, licking them clean. You felt your cunt gushing, eyelids half closed. You could have easily come again for him, but he released your fingers far too quickly for your liking.

“You naughty girl”, he whispered as he pulled you from the wrist to get you closer to his chest. “You taste even better than what I imagined��.

“I didn’t think you were…”

“Aware of your presence? Always, darlin’”, he finished for you.

Your cheeks blushed when he freed your wrist and lifted your chin up. His thumb caressed your bottom lip, his mouth just an inch away from yours. You bowed to kiss him, but he backed up a little, denying you.

“Are you sure you wanna do this, sweetheart?”, he asked, you could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

You nodded vehemently.

“Yes, please, Joel, I really need to feel you, to have you fuck me senseless”, you emphasized, short-breathed.

He seemed to consider your words for longer than what was acceptable. You saw his eyes flying between yours and your lips.

“Please?”, you begged.

Your prayers might have been heard, because he leaned forward, brushing your mouth with his.

“Then go down on your knees, darlin’”, he whispered against your lips.

You silently gasped as your clit pulsed at his words. You were delighted to follow his command, and so you kneeled compliantly.

When your knees touched the grass, his cock was at eye level. You couldn’t help but marvel at the sight. His dick was as big as you remembered, the memory of it filling you up still haunted you. It was so erected now that the tip touched his belly button. Joel looked so strained you thought he had to be in pain. And you were more than willing to help him alleviate it.

You moved your hand forward, but before you could try to wrap your fingers around him, Joel stopped you.

“No, with your mouth”, was his order.

You intertwined your fingers on your lower back and inclined your heard towards him. You gazed up at him, his jawline very tense. You let your tongue out and shyly tapped his glans with the tip. Joel closed his eyes immediately and grumbled loudly as his cock twitched in front of you.

That was all you needed to spur you on. You widely opened your mouth to house his manhood and sealed your lips around the head, the tip of your tongue trying to push open the slit on his foreskin. You played with him for a bit while your jaw relaxed. Then you started to push him in further and further down your mouth, as far as you could take him. His glans pushed past your uvula, you could barely breathe, just as you had imagined a few months ago ― a dream come true. You bobbed your head back and forth, feeling him in your throat, your eyes watering. But you were still not close to have his dick entirely in your mouth ― he was so damn big.

Joel growled in ecstasy as he looked down to you. The sight of you on your knees with your mouth stuffed, bright beautiful eyes, your tongue maliciously inciting him… He just couldn’t believe how giving you were.

“Look at you with your mouth so full”, he said placing one of his hands under your chin. He could feel his own cock expanding your throat. “You look so damn pretty, baby”.

You leaned back a bit, releasing most of his erection except for the tip. With the help of one hand you started pumping his shaft, the other gently massaging his balls. Joel eyed you intensely while you ate him up like a lollypop. His salty flavour inundated all your senses, your eyes pinned on his.

His fingers clenched in frustration.

“Shit, stop, I’m gonna come”, he mumbled as he pushed back to free his dick from your wicked lips.

No way in hell, you thought. He was not about to deny you that. You had been thinking about this moment for fucking months, you wouldn’t let him take that pleasure away from you.

You grasped him by his ass, your palms firmly pressing on his buttocks to take his cock even deeper. You then gave him head as best as you knew how, fastening the rhythm when you felt the pulsation coming from him.

“Fuck, baby―”, he moaned your name as he came in your hot, wet cavity.

You felt his spent hit the back of your throat. It was so tangy and musky. You swallowed all of it. Ah, delicious, you thought gleefully. You let go of his ass and released his dick from the prison of your lips.

You placed the palms of your hands on your knees, still on the ground, and glanced up at him innocently with a sweet smile painting your face. You then opened your mouth, sticking your tongue out to show Joel you had eaten all his cum ― a bridge of spit connecting the tip of your tongue to his glans.

He dropped one hand to break off the arch of saliva between you and him with his index, and fed it to you ― you gladly accepted, sucking his finger clean.

“Did I do good, sir?”, you asked with a small voice, looking for praise.

“Good? You did fucking splendid, sweetheart”, you beamed with the compliment and got up to your feet when he offered you a hand.

He took your hand, walking behind him as he headed towards the lake. He turned around to face you and kissed you slowly, his tongue caressing your palate. He then took a step back. The sun was setting on his back, the orange and red lighting reflecting off the waterbed. His brown eyes, bearded jaw, hooked nose, his hair curling at the nape of his neck… He looked like a roman God ― Mars, you thought. Joel looked like a man about to fight for his life and yours on the battlefield.

He sat down on a massive flat rock one metre away from the bank of the lake, which was approximately two metres wide in both directions.

“Now undress for me, baby”, he instructed.

You did not hesitate ― all your clothing fell to your feet, piece by piece, while Joel eagerly watched the show you put on. He wetted his bottom lip while he readjusted his cock on his lap. You stood there with dreamy eyes, awaiting. He motioned one hand towards the rock he was sat on, an invitation for you to join him.

Once you were sat on his right, he placed his left hand around the front of your neck ― a very slight touch that forced you to flatten your back against the rock while he positioned himself on top of you. He bit your chin while his left hand put a sweet amount of pressure on your throat. You could tell he was controlling himself.

“My turn”, he whispered, coming off you.

He got off the rock, kneeling on the ground in front of you. You put your elbows down on the rock to lift your torso and be able to look at him, your knees bent, the sole of your feet against the cold surface of the rocky platform. Joel grabbed you by the hips and scooted your ass over to the edge of the rock. Your legs were firmly pressed against each other, trying to hide your quivering cunt ― suddenly you felt shy.

“Spread your legs open for me, darlin’, lemme see”, he commended you with his hands on your knees.

You couldn’t say no to him, you didn’t want to. So you obeyed, dropping your legs to the sides, offering him your dripping fold. He traced your slit with his index, and you moaned.

“You’re so fucking wet already. So receptive, aren’t you?”, he asked looking at you dead in the eye, his finger sinking in between your legs, looking for the entrance. “Who gets your pussy so wet?”, he pushed his fingertip in your hole, and you groaned loudly. “Who, darlin’? Use your words”.

“You, only you, sir”, you gasped.

“This is mine”. He pushed in the second phalange.

You closed your eyes, trying to control your breathing.

“All yours, yes”.

His finger got completely sucked in down to his knuckle, stroking your g-spot. You harshly pressed your lips.

“Exactly, don’t you dare forget that”, his tone was so serious you looked at him enigmatically, not really understanding where that sudden possessiveness came from, but you loved every bit of it. And you were more than happy to put his doubts to rest.

You nodded frantically.

“I would never, sir, I swear my pussy is all yours”, you really meant it.

“As it should be”, he added a second finger as he leaned forward and kissed your mound.

You sighed, eyes teary, and flattened your back against the rock again, as Joel made out with the fatty skin above your clit. He introduced a third finger, all of them rubbing your anterior wall. Then his mouth dropped and sucked in your clit. Your knees trembled while you held both of your breasts, playing with your nipples and biting down your lip to stop your wanton screams. He insisted with his kissing until your wet cunt started fluttering around his fingers, a clear tell you were about to come. He stroked your clit with his teeth, very lightly, sending shivers up your spine. Your legs pressed against his head, tension building up. And then, finally, sweet release. You came so hard on his mouth, and he drank it all.

He unburied his head from in between your legs and glanced at you with a sufficient smile.

“You taste even better directly from your creamy cunt, baby”, you were glad he was so talkative during sex, especially if it was to praise you.

Joel placed the palm of his hand over your mound, his fingers covering your damp pussy, and rubbed with just the right amount of friction. You exhaled slowly.

“I’m gonna make you come again”, he promised.

You pursed your lips, your cunt palpitating at the prospect.

“I don’t know if I can―”, you uttered under your breath.

He raised an eyebrow, almost as if he was offended. Joel grabbed your thighs and pulled towards him; the back of your knees placed on his shoulders.

“Don’t doubt me, of course you can. I said I’ll make you”, his mouth was so close to your moist pussy you felt his cool breath on your damp skin.

You whimpered when his tongue swept your entire slit unhurriedly, from your perineum to your clit, his hand climbing up your body to squeeze one of your breasts firmly. Joel repeated that move a few times ― and your brain chemistry would be changed forever after that. He briefly pinched your nipple while he paid special attention to the core of your pleasure. Joel smothered your clit with his lips ― you closed your eyes while placing a hand over his on your boob.

Joel’s tongue stopped torturing you for a second. He nudged your clit with the tip of his hooked nose and then inhaled your sweet smell. That scent was making him go wild with lust to the point where he started fisting his cock, the tip already leaking with precum. He flattened his tongue against your swollen lips, wiggling it through the slit to touch your needy hole. He could not believe you were this wet for him ― if he had the chance, he would drink from your seeping fold every single day. This was how ambrosia tasted like ― he was damn sure of it.

He placed his hands to each side of your puffy flaps to spread your pussy open, while the tip of his tongue slipped inside of you. Your free hand flew to his head, fisting a handful of hair. Your toes clenched as he started to fuck your hole with his tongue. You felt your whole uterus contracting so hard it was almost painful. Your cum started to ooze out as a new orgasm hit you with full force, yelling his name. Joel did not waste any of it, licking it off you shamelessly.

What just happened ― that felt like sin, the most beautiful sin you had ever experienced. Your breathing was so irregular you thought you were going to have a heart attack. Then you heard Joel snickering as he got back up to his feet.

“See? Told ya”, he said smugly as you placed the elbows on the rock to lift your chest and glance at him.

He was jerking off, his cock ready for you again. You sat back up and leaned forward, your hands on his muscular thighs as you kissed the slippery tip, the shaft, then his balls. You showered pecks all over his manhood, worshipping it.

“S-sorry, sir, can I ask? Is your cock only mine? P-please?”, you asked in between smooches, almost panting, looking at him with puppy eyes.

Joel’s irises were swirling with desire, his hips slightly slanted forward towards your mouth, his dick visibly spasming while he caressed your cheek.

“All yours, yes”, he replicated your exact words, your heart fluttering with contempt.

You smiled at him before licking his testicles again ― your hand pushing his shaft against his lower belly to give you better access. Your eyes never abandoned his as your saliva covered his soft ball sacks.

This time he did step back, and you let him.

“I need you inside me, please”, you murmured.

His jaw was so tight he didn’t dare to speak. Joel could feel his heartbeat on his cock, all because of you and your wanton mouth. You looked so damn beautiful ― on your knees, staring at him through your eyelashes, patiently waiting. He knew you very well by now, fully conscious that as sweet as you were acting now, that was it ― an act. And he loved every bit of it. He liked the way you replied to him when sex wasn’t involved, taking no shit from anyone, your snarky remarks driving him crazy.

Joel sat down on the rock and motioned for you to join him on his lap. You joyfully obliged, sitting atop of him. Your knees to each side of his waist, your bust against his, skin to skin. Your nipples grazed his chest, becoming harder at the electric contact. He cupped both of your boobs and pushed them up, so he could kiss them tenderly. You sighed, your mouth against his ear. Still holding your breasts, he unattached his lips from your nipples to peck your chin.

“Fuck me, darlin’”.

You looked down between you two. His erection was so prominent you knew it was hurting him. And you could ease that pain for him. Heaving, you lifted your hips up and grabbed his dick. It was hard but soft at the same time, velvety, very warm and beating. So sensitive to the touch he groaned ― music to your ears. You hugged his neck with your free arm as you guided his tip to your leaking entrance.

With a sudden drop of your hips, you impaled yourself harshly ― his bollocks kissing your tumid lips. You circled your hips against his, very slowly, which made you both moan in unison. Then you raised your body, his cock slipping out completely. Holding him from the base, you came down on him sharply again.

Joel was close to losing his mind. If you did that one more time, he wasn’t going to be able to hold it for much longer. You seemed to understand that, because you started to rock your hips back and forth, up and down. He kneaded your ass, feeling your rhythm, spurring you on. His fingers squeezed the skin under them while he kissed your collarbone. His mind was completely blank ― he could only focus on your sweet pussy hugging him, choking him. His dick felt so wet, so hot, throbbing for release… You kept on riding him, your movements growing erratic as you both were close to climax.

You surrounded Joel’s neck with both arms, pressing your breasts against his handsome face, your hips flushed with his, as your cunt angrily convulsed around his erection in blissful liberation. Joel held it together while you recovered, his hands still on your ass cheeks, fingers so clutched they were close to dislocating.

“Baby, if you don’t get off, I’m―”, pain smeared his tone. He was really fighting for his life right there and then.

“Oh, sorry”, you said with a small voice, still feeling your own pleasure. You elevated your hips, so his manhood popped out with a squelching sound.

You were not going to leave him hanging, obviously. So you kneeled before him, in between his strong legs, and kissed his tip. Joel sighed loudly when you closed off your lips around him for the second time today and pumped his shaft fast and strong, milking him dry. A minute later, your throat was clogged with his spent. A drop of it trickled down the corner of your mouth.

Joel leaned forward and caught the cum off the corner of your mouth with his thumb before rubbing it on your lips. Then he kissed you wetly, devouring you. He could never have enough of you.

“Thank you, sir”, you whispered with a smile when he was done assaulting your mouth.

He just smiled back. A genuine smile, the first you had seen from him. It tugged at your heart a little.

You were still feeling restless. Although you had orgasmed four times already, your pussy lips were so inflamed you thought you were on your way down to hell. Still on your knees in front of him, you softly massaged your sensitive clit. It was burning ― you suppressed a sob as you glanced up at him, lips slightly parted.

“What is it? Is your tight pussy still gushing, sweetheart?”, he asked you, cupping your chin.

You nodded, tears of frustration blurring your vision.

“I need more, I can’t ― my pussy is on fire, sir”, you muttered, feeling sorry for yourself. You were in a heightened state of sensory overload.

“Let me help you with that then”, you almost cried of relief at his words.

You quickly got up and kneeled on top of his lap again. He slipped a hand in between your bodies to caress your core. Your flesh trembled at the touch. Suddenly you realised you desperately needed to find your own rhythm ― you didn’t have to communicate it, Joel understood it in a second. He stopped and let you do what you had to do. You placed the palm of your hands on his shoulders and started rubbing your pussy against the side of his still hand. You slid your cunt further up to his elbow, and then returned back to his wrist. Your clit greedily welcomed the tingling sensation of the hair on his forearm against your wet slit.

You kept on rocking your hips back and forth on his forearm, pressing hard against it, sliding, rubbing and causing as much friction as you could, the heat in your belly flowing down to your crotch. You buried your fingers in his wet hair and tilted his head backwards so you could rest your forehead against his. Your inner walls contracted extremely hard and then you let go, squirting plentifully for a few never-ending seconds on Joel’s forearm. Your overstimulated cunt was leaking on top of him as if someone had opened the tap of your pleasure and couldn’t close it. When the last wave of your climax abandoned you, you looked down to see how it all trickled down from his forearm onto his lap.

You closed your eyes, content, when he gently tapped your pussy a few times. You breathed in deeply, feeling completely satisfied, finally at peace. Then you pecked his lips with gratitude.

“Better now, baby?”.

“Yes, infinitely better. I―I’m sorry I made a mess”.

“Don’t you apologise for that”.

You both remained in that position for a few minutes ― his now relaxed, wet cock warmly lodged between the flaps of your still dribbling cunt. He hugged your waist to bring you closer to him, his mouth brushing yours in a moment of calmness you had not experienced with him yet.

When his lips released yours, you placed your cheek against his right shoulder, your fingertips tracing the scar on it. Silence ensued, neither of you felt the need to fill it with words.

As much as you fought against yourself, you had feelings for Joel. Although you probably didn’t know all his faces, you knew enough about him to love him. The way he would have you on your tiptoes with his sarcastic comments, his bluntness, his rudeness, the way he would snap back at you when you pressed his buttons ― but also his kindness, his caring side, his softness, how he worried about you making sure you were okay, his demanding sexual needs, the way he made you feel when his hands mapped out your skin.

But you were not sure what he thought about all of this. In some respects, his mind was inscrutable. It was part of his charming personality, you guessed. You kissed the scar on his shoulder as he buried his face in your hair, inhaling your scent.

“I love how you smell”, he murmured.

“Is that the only thing you love about me?”, you couldn’t resist, the words just slipped out of your mouth. You wished you could take them back, but it was too late for that.

Joel slightly froze in place at your question. He couldn’t deny that he had started to develop feelings for you. The way you looked at him made him want to be a better person. Although you drove him crazy sometimes, you made his days bearable, a shining beautiful light amongst so much darkness. You were his lighthouse, guiding him to shore. He just needed to learn how to surf through the violent waves before he could safely approach the coast.

Knowing how close he had been to losing you had opened his eyes to a new, unknown reality. He would literally kill for you if he had to ― he had already done it and would do it all over again without blinking. No regrets whatsoever.

But he had some unresolved trust issues when it came to romantic relationships. Joel married Sarah’s mother, Charlotte, when they were both twenty-one years old, as soon as they knew they were expecting. The first two years were very hard on them both, parenthood was not a piece of cake. Resentment had grown between them, to the point where Charlotte had accused him of robbing her of her fun years, which led her to cheat on him. They tried to salvage their marriage for the sake of Sarah, but they never did ― Charlotte died in a car accident while on a heated, angry phone call with Joel.

He locked away those thoughts ― it wasn’t the time nor the place to dwell on the past. Not when he had you with him.

“I… well, no. I love everything about you, sweetheart”, he conceded.

Your heart skipped a beat with joy. No, it wasn’t a love confession, but it was much more than what you were expecting of him. You turned your face against his neck and placed a kiss on his Adam’s apple.

“C’mon, let’s freshen up, I want to clean my mess off you, I do feel a bit bad”, you said with a chuckle.

You got off his lap, the cool breeze touching your sweaty skin. You offered him a hand, which he took, standing up behind you. Without letting go of his fingers interlaced with yours, you guided him to the water. It was cold, but you ventured inside with Joel following you. When the level was up to your waist, you turned around in Joel’s embrace.

You proceeded to wash off your cum and his off his cock, his lap, his forearm. When you were done, he kissed the top of your head. His left hand did the same to you, his fingers caressing your pussy, cleaning the proof of your shared pleasure. He did so not in a sexual way, but in a caring, intimate way. A minute later, you both disappeared beneath the water to emerge a second later, to wash off all the sweat. You found yourself in his arms again, your cheek against his chest ― you could hear his heart beating loudly but steadily.

“Joel, I―”, you didn’t know where to start. There were thoughts you had been wanting to put into words for a while now. “What happened to me sucks and I still die a bit inside when the memories come back at night. But none of it was your fault, nor mine. I do not want those bastards to win, to ruin my life. And my life with you. And I know it will take time to heal that part of me, or maybe it will never heal, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you. I want you so badly, Joel, but what I do not want is you walking on eggshells around me. I’m not broken, I want to move forward, not get stuck in the past. Do you understand what I mean?”, you asked, your cheek still against his chest, looking up at him.

His eyes were focused on yours. His heart shrunk a bit, sharing your pain. If he could, he would take it away, all of it ― the fear, the panic attacks, the agony, the memories, the nightmares. But he couldn’t change the past. So, he nodded.

“I do, honey”, he whispered as he bowed down to place a gentle kiss on your lips.

You both stood there for a few more minutes, hugging each other in silence. Then Joel grumpily ended the embrace.

“We should get back, Tommy is going to kill us”.

You laughed because it was so true. You both got out of the lake, towelled down and got dressed. You started walking towards the campsite besides him ― your hand in his, fingers entangled. When you saw the tent and Tommy’s outline against the fire, you got ready to release his hand. But he didn’t let go when Tommy turned around to look at both of you.

You tried to hide a soft smile ― and failed.

The younger Miller noticed you holding hands but made no comment about it. But he did smile. A very wide smile.

“Well, about damn time, dinner is almost ready”, he said with amusement, pointing to the rabbit impaled with a stick roasting on top of the fire. “If you took any longer, the rabbit was going to come back to life and run away”.

“Always so theatrical, Tommy”, you chuckled.

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justagalwhowrites · 2 months ago

Text

The Savage and the Sanctuary - Ch. 2: Teenagers

You and Joel adjust to each other as you struggle with Ellie. A continuation of The Savage and the Sanctuary, a no outbreak TLOU story, from the prologue through chapter 1 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

CW: Mild suicidal ideation. Mention of grief and child loss. Mention of parent loss. No use of Y/N. Whole fic will be explicit so minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 13.4k

A/N: For some reference because I haven't explicitly stated their ages, Joel is turning 42 in this chapter and was about to turn 37 in the flashback at the start of this chapter. Reader is 36 (meaning they were the same ages when their kids were born.)

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

“Dad, please!”

Joel sighed, leaning against his counter and sipping his coffee, his 16-year-old daughter standing in front of him with wide, pleading eyes.

“It’s a school night, baby girl,” he said. “We both gotta be up early tomorrow and…”

“And we could play hooky!” She said. “Celebrate your birthday, go to Waffle House…”

“I don’t like waffles.”

“Those are for my benefit,” she replied. “You can get your smothered hash browns and see if they’ll put candles in them so you can celebrate being an old man.”

“I can’t just call into work because it’s my birthday tomorrow, kiddo,” he said. “And your friend should have her party on the weekend…”

“But her birthday’s today!” She said. “It’s sweet 16, please! Everyone’s going, basically no one is going to be at school on Thursday because of it, please Dad!”

He sighed again, Sarah still looking so hopeful in front of him.

And then, her face shifted.

“We could go see the new Curtis and Viper tomorrow,” she smirked, brows raised conspiratorially. “We’ll probably have the theater to ourselves so we can make fun of it.”

Joel clenched his jaw to keep from smiling.

“Come on, Dad,” she said. “You worked so late on your birthday last year that we didn’t get to do anything. Please?”

He sighed.

“What would you miss at school tomorrow?”

“Basically nothing!” She said quickly, eyes lighting up. “I have exam review but I got As on all my homework in that class so I don’t need it and…”

“Jesus, you’re a bad influence,” he muttered, taking a sip of coffee. Sarah squealed, slamming into him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” She said, her voice muffled by his shirt before she pulled back at looked up at him, practically beaming. “We’re going to have so much fun tomorrow!”

“Somethin’ tells me you’re more excited about having fun tonight than hanging out with me tomorrow,” he shook his head but smiled all the same. “Who all’s goin’ to this thing tonight? There gonna be boys and drinking and shit?”

“Dad,” she gave him a look.

“You can act all grown up all you want, baby girl, but you’re still a kid,” he said. “Want you to have fun but don’t want you doing anything too dangerous…”

“My friends don’t drink…”

“You say that now,” he muttered.

“…and Brit’s parents will be there so while there will be boys, nothing’s going to happen with the boys.”

“Alright,” he sighed. “But you gotta promise me you’re gonna be safe, no gettin’ in the car with someone who’s been drinking. Even just one beer is too much and you call me if you don’t have another way home, I’ll come get you, you won’t be in trouble and…”

“I know, Dad,” she rolled her eyes but smiled a little. “Don’t worry so much. I don’t plan on getting drunk anytime soon. Maybe inject heroin under my fingernails but…”

“Your fingernails, huh?” Joel teased.

“Well yeah,” she said. “Gotta hide the track marks.”

There was a honk from the driveway and Sarah grabbed what was left of her coffee - more creamer than actual coffee but Joel still liked to humor her - and chugged it.

“That’s Emma,” she said, rinsing out her favorite mug, the chipped one with the owl on it that she’d been drinking hot cocoa out of since she was so small that it was more like room temperature cocoa, and setting it beside the sink. “I’m going to go to her place after school to get ready for the party since you’ll probably be at work, anyway.”

“Yeah, should stay late and try and wrap up as much as I can since apparently I’m not workin’ tomorrow,” he smirked. “Home by midnight, OK baby girl?”

“Yup!” She said, giving him a quick hug. He gave her a squeeze, pressing a kiss to her temple. “See you tonight!”

“Be safe!” He called after her as she grabbed her backpack and headed for the front door.

When she looked back over her shoulder to wave goodbye, he didn’t know it would be the last time he’d ever see her smile.

***

Thursday, September 26, 2024

It was still dark outside.

Joel wasn’t sure what time it was but it was still dark outside so it was OK. He didn’t need to be aware of things like time or hunger or your safety when it was still dark and he was in his daughter’s room.

He jerked awake not too long after midnight, just like he’d done every year on his birthday ever since Sarah died. He wasn’t sure why he even bothered trying to sleep in his own bed, as though anything would be different. Why would it be different? The only thing that mattered was gone, it couldn’t be different.

He stared at his ceiling for a while, waiting to see if he’d be able to fall asleep again, if he could shake the feeling of phantom blood on his skin in the red glow of his alarm clock but he couldn’t. So he did what he always did on the morning of his birthday: he went to his daughter’s room.

Joel rarely went to Sarah’s room now. Maria, his sister in law, probably spent more time in there than he did, coming by every few months while he was on a job to dust and run the vacuum so it didn’t fall to ruin. She was careful to not disturb things when she did, the t-shirt Sarah had worn to sleep in still draped over the back of her desk chair and the book she’d been reading still face down on the page she’d stopped at on her nightstand. He turned on the lamp and sank onto the bed - still unmade, like she’d left it that morning - staring at the poster-covered walls.

The posters were old now, the sun fading them in the five years that had passed since his daughter had left him behind. It made the room seem like a relic, as though this space was a museum and not a place where someone had lived once, and it set Joel on edge.

Five years. Half a decade without the most important person there’d ever been or ever would be. She’d only been 16 when she died and five years had passed so quickly. Soon, she’d have been gone as long as she’d been here. Soon, to the sun-bleached posters and peeling soccer trophies, it would be like she’d never been here at all.

He found himself looking at the poster of you more than he remembered doing before when he’d been in this room before. It was strange, knowing you existed outside of this liminal space now. You were real, corporeal, a human being with thoughts and feelings and not some imagined thing with an almost disturbingly perfect face someone had invented and put on paper.

It had been a three days since Joel had seen you last, spending 11 days working with three days off in between. Tommy had been hesitant to schedule him back on duty today of all days but Joel had all but insisted on it. He needed the distraction. More than that, he needed to keep out of trouble. He needed something to keep him from trying to find the person responsible for his daughter’s death and killing them himself. Protecting you was a good enough distraction.

Yours was the first contract like this Joel had taken on, one that was longer and more involved. Typically, people who needed someone on hand 24/7 didn’t live in Austin, Texas. They passed through and Joel’s job was done in a week, two at most. You were more complicated.

Part of that was the nature of the job, of course. Working in such close proximity and in such risky situations made shit complicated.

He’d had to establish rules with you that first day after dropping Ellie off at school. He ground his teeth as you went by a small local coffee shop on your way home, you giving a fake name at the counter as the barista all but stared at you.

“I’m so sorry,” the girl smiled sheepishly. “But has anyone told you that you look just like…”

“Oh yeah,” you waved her off. “I get that all the time. Not sure why, I think she’s way prettier.”

Joel resisted the urge to snap at you until the two of you were back to the car, you still refusing to let him drive as you sipped your overpriced coffee with a contented sigh.

“Can I help you?” You asked him, brows raised, as you watched him over the rim of your cup.

“You tryin’ to get yourself killed?” He said.

“Didn’t realize the coffee shop was so dangerous…”

“You know what I mean,” he snapped. “You’re bein’ reckless.”

“I get coffee all the time back home and -”

“And you got yourself a fucking stalker, didn’t you?” He cut you off. “S’why you’re stuck with me, spent too much time runnin’ around doing whatever the fuck you wanted and now you’re payin’ the price.”

“No, I’m paying the price because the studio is overreacting,” you said, condescension dripping from your voice. “Pretty sure I’d still be sitting in my car sipping a coffee if you were off promising to take a bullet for someone else.”

You held his gaze as you took a drink, as if to make a point.

“I don’t know why this is fuckin’ news to you, but you’re one of the most famous people on the goddamn planet,” he snapped. “That shit comes with problems. If you didn’t want to deal with those problems, maybe you shouldn’t have become fuckin’ famous.”

You looked at him, like you were trying to hold back a laugh, eyebrows raised so high they almost disappeared into your hairline.

“You think I chose to become famous?” You asked. “You think I wanted this?”

“Ain’t that why people become actresses,” he said more than asked.

You just looked at him for a moment, like you were examining him.

“You don’t have many friends, do you?” You said after a moment.

He ground his teeth.

“Got as many as I need,” he said. “Let’s get you home before I have to take a damn bullet because you’re stubborn.”

“Yes, I’m sure the woman driving that minivan is packing,” you said wryly but putting the car in drive all the same. “Very dangerous.”

“It’s Texas,” he said, voice flat. “She probably is.”

But instead of going home, you drove to Whole Foods. Fucking Whole Foods.

Joel was almost positive it was to piss him off but you completely ignored him as you went up and down the aisles, filling up your cart as he tried to watch for whatever threats might be at a goddamn grocery store while you acted like your goddamn baseball cap made you invisible to whoever might be looking for you.

“I know you got people for this,” he muttered under his breath, putting his body between you and as much of the rest of the store as he could as you meticulously selected an apple. “Should fuckin’ carry you out of here…”

“Yes but that would cause a scene, wouldn’t it?” You said, smug. “And that’s even MORE dangerous, right?”

He narrowed his eyes at you and moved to respond but cut him off.

“What do you think of this apple?” You thrust it under his nose. “It smells good, right?”

“It’s a goddamn apple.”

“Yes, but I need to try to get a teenager to eat it,” you sighed, impatient. “I need it to be appealing. Would you eat it if you were a teenager?”

“If I tell you yes, will you shut the fuck up and get out of here?”

“Maybe.”

“Then yeah, I’d eat the goddamn apple, let’s go.”

You smiled a little, satisfied, and got several apples and added them to the cart before taking your sweet time going through the rest of the store.

Eventually, you finished your shopping trip and actually got ready to go home. The only person who seemed to recognize you at the store was the cashier, who gaped at you as much as one person could gape at another while they rang up their items.

“That will be $267.48,” she said and you went to put your credit card but then she jumped. “Oh, wait! I can put in my discount…”

“You don’t need to do that,” you laughed. “But you’re sweet to offer!”

“But…”

“How about you put that discount in for someone else who comes through your line today,” you smiled.

“OK,” she smiled a little hesitantly. “Sorry, I’ve just never had someone famous come through my line before.”

“First time for everything,” you winked, putting your card in the machine.

The cashier kept staring at you.

“No one is going to believe I met you,” she said eventually. “I wish I had my phone so I could take a selfie…”

“Want an autograph?” You asked as the machine chimed. “Don’t need a phone for that.”

Instead of answering, she scrambled to get some blank receipt paper and a pen and Joel could tell you were trying not to laugh. You wrote on the paper quickly and handed it back before giving the cashier a smile.

“You have a great day, Mina,” you said.

She looked up from the paper with wide eyes.

“How’d you know my name?”

You smiled a little bigger and nodded to her name badge.

“See you next time,” you said and she beamed.

“Shit like that is stopping,” Joel said once the two of you were safely back in your house, behind the gate and fence that surrounded your property. “You got no damn reason to take risks like that…”

“Yes I do,” you said, defiant, arms crossed.

“What,” he demanded. “What’s your damn reason.”

“I want to take care of my kid,” you stuck your chin out. “That means going to the grocery store sometimes. I’m sure that’s a new concept for you since I’m sure you subsist exclusively off fast food and have never thought about looking after anyone but yourself…”

Joel tightened his jaw, trying to keep the sharp stab of loss from showing on his face.

“You don’t need to go yourself,” he snapped. “Send someone.”

You stepped closer to him, close enough that he could smell your skin, sweet and soft and he resented it.

“I want to take care of her,” you said. “Me. She lost her mother, the person who used to do shit like make her dinner and pick out her snacks. I want to do that for her. Me, not someone I pay. So you just need to accept the fact that I’m going to go to the store because I’m not stopping.”

“Fine,” he snapped, not about to admit that what you said tugged at him a bit. He remembered going to the store, looking for things that he thought Sarah might like. Things to put in her backpack so she had a snack for school when she got hungry between her afternoon classes or to have waiting for her when she got home. He remembered her favorite foods and how she lit up when he made burgers the way she liked or brought home her favorite cereal. He remembered how lucky he felt to be the person who got to know her in this way, to know her favorite things and be the one to get them for her. “But we’re doin’ it on my terms. This will be a whole lot easier on both of us as soon as you get with the program because I’m not letting you get us both killed because you’re stubborn. Got it?”

He laid out the rules: You were to never leave the house without him or whoever was filling in for him on his days off. You needed to run your proposed schedule for the week by him so he could make necessary changes - varying your comings and goings as much as possible so you would be unpredictable. You needed to give him full access to your property and any existing security infrastructure so he could check for possible weaknesses. And you needed a code name, one that would be used for the whole team so when there was a handoff or a situation that required additional security, communication was short and easily understood.

“That seems like overkill,” you rolled your eyes. “It’s not like I’m the fucking president…”

“When it’s a shit situation and we need to know who has you, we need it,” he said, harsher than he needed to. He was hard pressed to care, though. “We don’t need people stumbling over your name, not knowing if we’re using your first or last, and we really don’t need ‘em announcing your damn name where the wrong person could hear it and learn where you are.”

“Fine,” you said. “What are the rules for picking a code name then.”

“There aren’t any,” Joel said. “Yours is Siren.”

“Siren,” you looked at him, incredulous. “Seriously? I don’t get any say in this at all?”

“No,” he lied. “We pick for you and it’s Siren.” Your jaw twitched and Joel fought the urge to smirk. “What, don’t like it?”

You squared yourself, defiant.

“No, it’s perfect,” you said. “Derivative and dull, just what I’d expect from you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have real work to do.”

And with that, you stalked off to some far away corner of your massive fucking house, leaving the woman who’d answered the door for him that morning to show him around.

Joel tried to hide the almost spiteful sense of pride he got from getting under your skin. Because, fuck, if he had live with the reminder of that goddamn show then you had to, too.

He’d Googled you after he’d met you the day before, his chest tight the whole time. He saw your more recent film history and learned that you were older than he’d realized - you must have been in your 20s when you were playing a teenager on TV. He also learned that you didn’t talk much about the show that Sarah had loved so much and had made you a household name. He wondered if you loathed it as much as he did, if you got the same stomach churning feeling inside yourself when something made you think of it, the same one he got whenever he looked at your disturbingly perfect face.

Siren was the name of that goddamn show and the almost mocking nickname the male lead of the show had given your character, both of your characters fighting to make it as musicians in some bullshit story that was dramatized to hell and back. Joel recognized the guy, too - he was some fucking country star now, the kind who played bullshit instead of real country music - and he could feel, when he picked that name, that you’d hate it.

Normally, the person he was protecting got to pick their code name. But you didn’t know that and he needed to feel some sense of power over you. You loomed too large over him. He needed you to feel the way he did, a little helpless, a little out of control.

And you, stalking off in a huff over that damn name, made him feel better than it should.

Over the next week and a half, he was keenly aware that none of this, really, was your fault. It wasn’t your fault that you were tied so closely with his dead daughter. It wasn’t your fault that being around you was like living with an open wound, something tender and aching on him that he couldn’t seem to heal because you were near. It wasn’t your fault that he had gone through so much of the last five years numb to everything and now was almost shockingly aware of the constant pain that had been lingering below the surface.

But you were there and you were so much easier to blame than himself. He knew that, too. But it didn’t make him stop doing it, almost like he was watching himself make your life difficult without having any control over it.

He had to stay in your home to be available at all hours so he started getting up early to take your keys before you had a chance to make it downstairs in the morning so he could drive when taking Ellie to school. He made a habit of finishing the coffee when Esmo was busy elsewhere in the house and he knew you’d be coming back for another cup. He never accepted any kindness you offered, taking disconcerting pleasure in saying no lattes when you insisted on stopping for a coffee and telling you he didn’t want whatever food you offered him, choosing instead to eat frozen dinners alone in another part of the house away from you and Ellie and Esmo, too. He found a strange satisfaction in these small harms, as though they were earned in some way. You, embedded so deeply in the trappings of wealth and fame, surely deserved some inconvenience in your life. After all the pain you’d inadvertently caused him, it seemed like it was owed to him. He tried to ignore the fact that he didn’t like being the kind of person who took pleasure in hurting someone else who didn’t deserve it, even if it was only small hurts. He tried not to think about what Sarah would say if she could see what he was doing now.

Being away from you, though, made him more aware of it. The strange poison of wanting to make your life harder was further away when he was home and it was easier to see through it. You were probably dreading his return as much as he was dreading returning. He didn’t like who he became when he was near you and here he was, going back to the sphere of your influence to let it swallow him and turn him into a worse version of himself again.

Joel should tell Tommy to take him off this job. He knew that but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was never supposed to be this way with him and his brother. Joel was the older one, Joel was the one who had practically raised Tommy when their parents were gone. Tommy was never supposed to be the one to take care of him. He was never supposed to be the one to give him a fucking job or make sure he didn’t lose his house in the months after the death of his daughter. He owed his brother so much now. How could he tell him “Sorry, this simple job is just too much for me, find someone else.” Tommy asked Joel to protect you so he would.

Even if he hated it.

Dawn was just starting on the horizon when Joel decided to indulge himself for a minute, lying down gently on his daughter’s bed. He was careful to not disturb the blankets, he didn’t adjust the pillow. He let himself sink into the softness of her lavender sheets and twin-sized mattress, to be in the exact place she was the last morning of her life. He stared at the side of her nightstand - stickers she’d placed there starting to peel - and let himself remember what it was like to have someone as good as her love him.

He stayed there until her room as filled not with the artificial glow of streetlights but the unflinching light of day and got up as carefully as he lay down, going to the door and taking a last look at his daughter’s room on the morning of his fifth birthday since he’d stopped being a father, closing the door softly behind him.

The drive to your house went by too quickly for his liking and he pulled into the driveway at the same time you did, Seth - the guard who’d filled in for him while he had a few days off - laughing about something with you as the two of you got out of the car.

“Joel, good to see you man,” he said, still smiling as the two of you met Joel near your front door. “Ready to take over?”

“Don’t think I got much choice,” Joel said wryly.

“Good morning, Joel,” you said, your tone oddly cool. He just gave you a nod as Seth put the call in to dispatch.

“This is Cook,” Seth said. “Transferring custody of Siren to Big Miller.”

“Big Miller?” Your eyebrows shot up, looking between Seth and Joel. Seth covered the receiver on the phone.

“We got two Millers, he’s the older one,” he said, before going back to the call. “That’s correct…”

“Big Miller,” you smirked at Joel. “Oh there’s so much I can do with that…”

“Jesus,” Joel muttered as Seth handed him the phone. He confirmed he was taking over and ground his teeth as Seth hugged you goodbye like the pair of you were old fucking friends.

“Don’t let this asshole push you around too much,” Seth winked at you. “Deep down, he’s a big softie.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s a big something,” you said. Seth laughed. Joel glared. “See you next time.”

You watched Seth leave before heading into your house without another word. Joel followed you inside, trailing behind you as you otherwise ignored his presence, going to the kitchen to get a bottle of water before heading out back.

“Hey,” he called after you and you stopped at the edge of your pool, slowly turning to face him, brows raised. “The hell you goin’? I need your itinerary for the week, you know the drill.”

“No you don’t,” you said. “I decided I’d rather talk with someone who isn’t a huge fucking child so I gave it to Seth. Get it from him, Big Miller.”

You kept going, toward the pool house and Joel ground his teeth, jogging to catch up with you.

“Look,” he snapped but you rounded on him.

“You lied to me,” you said. “I could have picked my own stupid name, you just had to get the one up on me for whatever reason and now I have to deal with being called that stupid, goddamn…”

“If you and Seth are so cozy why didn’t you get him to change it for you, hm?” He cut you off.

“Because I’d rather not look like a fucking idiot to your entire company, thanks though,” you snapped. “If you hate me so much, why didn’t you just ask someone else to do this job?”

“If you hate havin’ me around, why didn’t you ask someone else to take over?” He countered. “Looked cozy enough with fuckin’ Seth!”

You laughed.

“Oh I’d never dream of giving you that satisfaction,” you said. “You want to torment me? Fine, two can play at that game. Just wait, you ain’t seen nothing yet, Big Miller.”

You stalked off toward the pool house again before turning back to face him.

“We’re leaving at noon,” you said. “If you want to know where to, better call fucking Seth and find out since you don’t have the people skills to get your charge to cooperate.”

He grit his teeth as you went inside and he stared at the door you’d disappeared through for a moment, half expecting you to come back out and rip into him again. But you didn’t and he went inside, finding Esmo in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast.

“She’s in a fuckin’ mood,” Joel muttered, going to help himself to a cup of coffee.

“It was not an easy morning,” she said, holding a plate with a biscuit out to him. He took it with a frown. “Ellie’s a teenaged girl but even so…”

“What happened?” He asked, settling in at the breakfast bar.

“Not sure what set her off,” she sighed, putting the last pan in the drying rack before crossing her arms and leaning back against the counter, watching Joel. She reminded him of his mother, he realized, something grounding and sure about her. “But before they left, Ellie yelled that she wasn’t her mother. She didn’t say anything back but I could tell it hurt.”

Joel flinched, looking out the window at the back of the kitchen, toward the pool and pool house. Toward you. He and Sarah had rarely clashed, especially that badly, but she was still a teenaged girl who grew up without a mother. She still lashed out about it and he was still the one who had to weather her rage. He knew her pain was misdirected but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I know you two don’t…” She paused, like she was searching for the words. “Get along. But she is just as human as you or I, Mr. Miller. Go easy on her today.”

“Told you, you can just call me Joel,” he said, dodging the rest of what she said. “I ain’t your boss, not gonna make you call me Mr. Miller…”

Esmo barked a laugh as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

“What?” He frowned.

“Do you think she makes me call her ma’am?” She asked. “Mr. Miller, she is my employer. I am not going to call her by her first name, regardless of what she asks. Right now, the same goes for you.”

He looked toward the pool house again. He’d assumed you’d told Esmo to call you ma’am, that you’d insisted on bullshit that put you on a different level than everyone else. Apparently, he was wrong.

That didn’t mean he had to like you, though.

Still, he almost felt bad for you as he got settled back into the room at your house that had become his. You’d been thrown into parenthood head first, none of the gradual build up that raising a child from birth provided. Instead, you were given a fully-fledged teenager with a chip on her shoulder. Anyone would struggle with that, even spoiled movie stars.

His patience wore thin, though, as noon came and went and you still hadn’t come in from the damn pool house. He wondered if you’d told him noon just to piss him off, to make him feel like he had to spend his morning biding his time until it was wasted only to do nothing but sit at home until the time came to pick up Ellie from school.

Eventually, he got tired of waiting for you and he stalked to the pool house, damn near ripping the door off its hinges as he went to find you, his eyes widening in surprise when he did.

Joel wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find there but it certainly wasn’t this. You were there, back to the door, headphones covering your ears as you swung again and again at a punching bag hanging from the ceiling.

“Hey!” He called but you either ignored him or couldn’t hear them, continuing your clumsy barrage on the bag. You clearly knew fuck all about fighting, your form rough and disjointed. Any punch you landed would be ineffectual at best, damaging to you at worst. It’d be comical if it wasn’t happening to someone whose safety he was responsible for.

“Hey!” He tried again. Nothing. He clenched his jaw and stalked over to you, hand closing around the band of your headphones to pull them off your head and you spun, breathless and shocked, to face him.

“What the fuck?” You reached to snatch the headphones back but he held them behind his back, out of reach. “Gimme those!”

“You actually got some place to fuckin’ be this afternoon or not?” He snapped. “Because I’m tired of waiting for you to get your act together…”

You stopped reaching for the headphones, still breathless, and checked your smart watch.

“Shit,” you panted, drooping a little. “I lost track of time… Give me 15 minutes, then we’ll go.”

He held the headphones out to you and you snatched them back roughly and Joel watched you stomp off toward the main house, sweat dripping down the nape of your neck and he tried loathe the way your leggings hugged every curve and arch of your legs and ass as you did.

You were ready to go in just 15 minutes, though, and still more beautiful than Joel was comfortable with you being. You smelled fresh, clean, some floral fucking body wash on your skin that was covered by more skin-tight athletic wear that revealed your shape to him, all the places that - were you any other woman - he’d want to sink his fingers into to pull you close. He clenched his jaw and he went to the driver’s seat but you stopped in front of him, staring him down.

“Not sure where you think you’re going,” you said.

“I’m driving,” he said. “You know the drill.”

“Oh, so you called Seth?” You asked, brows raised. “Know where we’re headed?”

He narrowed his eyes and you smirked.

“Didn’t think so,” you said. “Step aside, Big Miller. Maybe you can drive home.”

Joel considered, for a moment, fighting you on it. But, today of all days, he didn’t have the energy. He just stalked around to the passenger side of the car, trying his damndest to ignore the little smirk you got when he did.

He stared determinedly out the window as you drove, the odd, raw feeling he got in his chest when he looked at you a little too sharp today. He focused on the cars around him, watching for any kind of pattern, anything unusual, trying to lose himself in the work of keeping you alive. At least, then, he was still good at something. At least, then, there was still some purpose for him being here. Even if he didn’t want to be. The scar that had been at his temple for nearly five years itched.

He was so lost in it that he was almost surprised when you pulled up in front of not some insufferable coffee shop or unnecessary grocery store but an overpriced looking nursing home. You reached between Joel’s legs without a word and got your worn baseball cap from the glove box, tugging it down low over your face before grabbing your keys out of your bag and dropping them on Joel’s lap.

“Get comfy,” you said. “I’ll be at least an hour, probably two.”

“Hold on,” he said, but you ignored him, getting out of the car and heading toward the door. He caught you quickly, grabbing your arm and pulling you around go face him.

“What is your problem?” You snapped. “You’re always an asshole but Jesus you’re worse than usual today…”

“You really think I’m just gonna let you go do some photo-op alone?” He asked. “Not about to just wait in the car…”

“It’s not a photo-op,” you snapped. “It’s private, you don’t need to be involved…”

“The hell I don’t,” he snapped back. “Your ass dies and it ain’t private anymore. I’m going. Deal with that shit now.”

“Too bad for you,” you said, trying to pull your arm back from him but he held firm. Your clumsy little fight moves from the pool house earlier hadn’t done you any favors.

“You can either listen to me or I’ll put you over my shoulder and make you listen,” he said. “I don’t much care which it is.”

You stared him down, almost like you thought he wouldn’t do it. He was about to prove you wrong when you apparently decided instead, huffing indignantly.

“Fine,” you snapped. “You can sit in the lobby.”

“Fine,” he snapped back before following you inside.

A woman rushed to meet you at the door, speaking to you in hushed tones that even Joel, standing so close to you, had a hard time making out. She directed Joel to a comfortable looking room that reminded him of his grandmother’s living room as a child, the one that no one was allowed in to “keep the furniture nice.” There were no such concerns here, the arm chairs and couches looking comfortable and inviting if overly ornate, neat stacks of magazines on the antique coffee table in the middle of them. He ground his teeth, watching as the woman led you away.

You’d be out of sight. That made him uncomfortable. And he couldn’t trust you to actually call for help if you needed it. That made him more uncomfortable.

But… this wasn’t an especially public place. There was security keeping people out and the residents in. Chances were, there wasn’t anything that could really get to you in here. And if this wasn’t some bullshit media thing, it was probably fine to leave you to your own devices. At least for a little while.

So he settled on the couch, keeping an eye on the front doors while he absently picked up a magazine, some kind of trashy tabloid that Sarah used to flip through at the grocery store. It used to make him roll his eyes and tell her that she was rotting her brain and now he’d give anything to go back in time and buy out every newsstand he passed if it meant he got another 20 minutes waiting in line for to pay for groceries with her.

He wasn’t paying close enough attention to the magazine he picked up, though, and then bam, there you were yet again. Your picture was blurry and you were wearing sunglasses that were a little too big for your face and there was an iced coffee cup dangling from your hand.

Bombshell breakup the headline under your picture said. Hollywood’s brightest star back on the market!

Joel looked at the date, from almost a year ago now, and flipped to the pages about you. There were pictures of you walking with a woman who looked something like an older, red-headed version of Ellie and he realized he was looking at her mother. Your arms were crossed tightly over your stomach and your face was drawn, Ellie’s mother’s face concerned. It was strangely intimate, seeing you like this. It wasn’t like other paparazzi pictures of you he’d seen, the ones that looked somewhat staged or like you’d at least known you were being photographed. This seemed like an intrusion, something he wasn’t supposed to be seeing.

He looked at the pictures of you and Ellie’s mother for a while. He wasn’t sure how long, not really able to look away, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

“Yeah,” he said gruffly when he answered.

“Hello Mr. Miller,” Esmo said, her tone still uncomfortably formal. “I apologize for just reaching out like this but I know she’s visiting her mother right now so her phone is off and we just got a call from the school…”

“Wait, what?” Joel cut her off. Your mother? That couldn’t be right.

“Yes,” she said, sounding impatient. “The school, apparently Ellie was in a fight and she needs to be picked up, can you please tell her and take care of things?”

“She OK?” Joel asked, trying not to overthink the sharp little stab of fear in his chest at the thought of Ellie in a fight. He tried not to think about getting his hands on whatever little teenaged prick decided to fight her, either.

“She’s fine,” Esmo said. “At least, that’s what the school said. She just needs to be picked up. Can you go get her?”

“Yeah,” he said after a second. “Course, I got it.”

“Thank you,” she said, relieved. “I appreciate it.”

Joel’s jaw tightened as he dropped that old magazine on the coffee table before stalking off in the direction he’d watched you go before.

It didn’t take him long to find you, tucked away in a small and private visitation room, deck of cards sitting on the table between you and a woman who looked a lot like you, some of the cards fanned out in your hand.

“Do you have any fives?” The woman - your mother - asked.

“You asked me that before,” you said, an oddly tense but gentle edge to your voice. “Why don’t you ask about another one?”

“Oh,” she frowned at her hand. “How about… tens?”

“Damn,” you said, handing her a card. She smiled.

“You shouldn’t curse, you know,” she said. “It makes you sound dumb.”

“I’ve heard that,” you said, arranging the cards in your hand. “Any eights?”

She paused for a moment, examining her cards.

“What was that again?” She said after a moment.

“Eights,” you repeated.

“Go fish,” she said and you got a card from the top of the pile. “You know, you remind me of my daughter…”

“Do I?” You said, your tone oddly even.

“She’s an actress,” she nodded. “She’s only a teenager though, a lot younger than you. She’s pretty like you, though.”

“An actress, hm?” You said. “Does she like it?”

“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully. “But she’s good at it. Not sure she can handle the hard parts, though.”

“You’re probably right,” you said. “She can’t.”

“Hello,” your mother said, looking up at Joel and lowering her cards. “Are you here to play, too?”

You noticed him then, your back going stiff, shifting uncomfortably in your chair when you did.

“Fraid not,” Joel said. “Just need to talk to… my friend here.”

You looked back at him then, frowning but he just jerked his head toward the door. You, at least, didn’t question it, just setting the cards face down on the table and joining him.

“Can I help you?” You asked, brows raised expectantly.

“Now, I already asked and she’s fine,” he said, which made your eyes go wide but he held up a hand. “Ellie got in a fight at school, we gotta go pick her up…”

“Shit,” you swore, fishing your phone from some hidden pocket in your leggings at the small of your back and turning it on. It took a moment but you groaned. “Fuck, I have six missed calls…”

You stashed the phone again and went back to the table, your mother frowning at you as you gathered up the cards.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am, but I have to go,” you said. “They’ll have someone come bring you back in a minute.”

“It’s very rude to just take off on someone, you know,” she said sternly.

“Been told that, too,” you said. “You have a good day.”

She grunted, crossing her arms and turning away from you. You didn’t take the bait, just going for the door and quickly leading the way back to the car. But, for a change, you went for the passenger side.

“What?” You said. “You do know the way to the school, don’t you?”

“I know it,” he muttered, getting behind the wheel.

“Good,” you said, buckling in. “Then drive.”

You checked your phone, shaking your head, before just staring out the window.

“So,” Joel said eventually. “That’s your mom.”

“In the most technical sense,” you said, not looking at him. He nodded slowly anyway. “I don’t really think of her that way.”

“Why’s she in there?” Joel asked.

“Why do you care?” You said, incredulous, finally looking at him. He glanced at you and then shrugged and you sighed, the sound heavy. “Early onset Alzheimers. She’s 67 now, it started about five years back. I try to see her once a month or so.”

“Don’t you got the money to get her a nurse or some shit so she could stay with you?” He frowned.

“It’s really not any of your fucking business, is it?” you snapped before sighing, pinching the bridge of your nose and wincing as Joel pulled into the parking lot of the school. “Please don’t mention of this to Ellie. She doesn’t know anything about my mother and I’d like it to stay that way.”

You didn’t give him a chance to say anything else, all but leaping out of the car the second he put it into park and going quickly for the front door of the school. Joel had to run to catch up with you, barely catching you as the two of you were buzzed into the building where the headmistress met you.

She greeted you the same way Esmo did and Joel could tell, now that he knew you didn’t like it, that it put you on edge. It made him stiffen at your back, narrowing his eyes at the prim and proper woman in front of him, assessing her differently now than the last time you’d met. She was a threat now, she’d upset you, she’d opposed Ellie and he was oddly comforted that he knew he could easily overpower her if he needed to.

He frowned ever so slightly.

Why would he need to? She was a fucking teacher. And why should he care so much that she pissed you off?

“Ms. Stark,” you said, giving her a firm nod. “Where’s Ellie?”

“In my office,” she said. “Please, follow me.”

She led the way, setting a brisk pace, her back ramrod straight, but you kept your head high as you kept pace alongside her.

“What happened?” You asked. “This is very out of character for Ellie.”

“I’m not so sure it is,” the headmistress said and Joel could have sworn he saw the hint of a self-righteous smile on her lips and he clenched his jaw. “She’s… aggressive…”

“She’s strong,” you said sharply. “But she wouldn’t pick a fight without a reason.”

“Well, she has yet to tell us a reason,” she said, smug. “Maybe you can find one. This behavior may have been accepted at other institutions but we hold our students to a higher standard here…”

“I’ll talk to her,” you said. “I’m sure we can figure this out.”

Joel was half expecting you to make him wait outside the office like you had at the nursing home but you didn’t and he followed you, the principal’s office looking disturbingly more like a luxury hotel than a school.

Ellie was sitting on one end of a small row of chairs in the office waiting room, her arms crossed and her jaw set tight. A boy - about her age and far larger than her - sat at the other end, an ice pack clutched to his lower lip and blood dripping from his nose.

“Ellie,” you said, all but running for her, kneeling in front of her and brushing her hair back from her face. “Are you OK?”

She jerked away from you.

“Fine,” she muttered. “I just want to go home.”

“OK,” you nodded slowly. “Can you tell me what happened?”

She just looked to the side, tightening her arms around herself. You stood and sighed, still watching her but Joel looked to the boy sitting at the other end of the row. He was determinedly staring straight ahead but his eyes kept darting over to you, a deep blush rising in his cheeks. Joel’s eyes narrowed.

“We can’t just permit students to attack other students,” the headmistress said. “Especially not unprovoked…”

“It wasn’t unprovoked!” Ellie snapped, her head whipping around to look at the boy. “He knows what he did.”

“Miss Williams,” the headmistress said sharply. “You nearly broke a fellow student’s nose.”

“Well, he’s a pussy!” Ellie yelled. “Not my fault he got his ass handed to him by a girl!”

“Ellie!” You scolded.

“What! It’s true,” she said, calming. “Lucky I didn’t do more…”

The headmistress looked at you, a small, self-satisfied smile on her face.

“Because this is her first offense, she’s suspended for a week,” she said. “But if it happens again, we will have to expel her.”

“We’ll take care of it,” you said before turning your attention back to Ellie. “C’mon, troublemaker, let’s go.”

She shoved herself out of the chair and grabbed her backpack sharply from the floor. The boy at the other end of the chairs watched her and she lunged in his direction before pulling back, making him jump.

“Yeah, better be fuckin’ scared,” she snapped.

“Alright,” you said sharply, putting your hands on her shoulders and steering her out of the room. “That’s enough, let’s go.”

Joel gave the kid a final look, one that was apparently enough to make him stare straight ahead again, shrinking in his seat as he did. Satisfied, Joel followed you and Ellie to the car, the girl throwing her backpack in with a little too much force.

Mercifully, you just went for the passenger seat, saving Joel the fight about driving. You immediately turned to face the disgruntled teenager behind you.

“Want to tell me what the fuck that was?” You asked.

“That was a fight,” Ellie said, the sass in her voice thick. “One I won, by the way.”

“Yeah, no shit,” you said. “Kid, you can’t just do stuff like that for no reason! What were you thinking?”

“It wasn’t no reason!” She replied.

“OK then what was the reason?” You said. “I’m dying for you to enlighten me because there had better be some kind of reason why you’d go after a classmate like that!”

“Why do I need to tell you the fucking reason?” She demanded. “You don’t need to know the reason, you just need to trust me when I say I had one!”

“I do trust you!” You said. “But that school doesn’t! They don’t know you yet! They don’t know how smart and kind and funny you are, all they know is that you refused to follow the dress code on day one and now that you beat people up when you don’t get your way!”

“I didn’t hit him because I didn’t get my way!” She yelled. “I did it because…”

Her voice trailed off, seeming to realize what she was about to say just as she said it. You gave her a minute to say it, anyway, but she didn’t.

“Tell me a reason, Ellie,” you said gently. “Because there has to be a reason. God, I sure hope there is because I’d rather not have to donate a library to some stuffy school every time you decide to throw a tantrum…”

“Oh, yeah, because you’ll just use your fucking money to fix everything,” Ellie snapped. “But you didn’t use it to save my mom! No, you just let her die.”

Joel caught a glimpse of your face at that, looking less like you’d been yelled at by a teenager and more like someone had slapped you.

“I tried, honey,” you said gently. “I tried so hard to save your mom, I helped get her the best doctors, I helped get her into the best facilities but sometimes it’s just beyond what we can do as people.”

“Whatever,” Ellie snapped as Joel pulled into the driveway. She jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind her and you followed after her.

“Is that what this is about?” You asked. “Is it because you miss your mom? Because I get that, I miss her too, so much that sometimes I want to burn something down, but…”

“But she was your friend!” She rounded on you. “And she was my fucking mom, stop acting like you know how I feel because you don’t know how I fucking feel!”

“Ellie,” you said gently. “I know it’s hard, and…”

“No, you don’t know!” She snapped. “Stop it! Just leave me alone!”

She started stomping off to her room but you stayed close behind.

“We can talk about…”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” She yelled. “I don’t want to look at you or talk to you or do anything with you! I wish it was you who died instead of her!”

You froze where you stood and Ellie took advantage of your stillness to stomp off back to her bedroom, the door slamming in her corner of the house.

“Yeah, me too,” you said, so quietly that Joel doubted that you knew he could hear you.

He was quiet for a moment, staring where Ellie had gone, hoping she’d come back for both your sakes. But she didn’t.

“Teenagers are hard,” Joel said eventually. “Sure she didn’t mean that…”

“Oh please, I know you’re just loving this,” you said harshly. “I don’t need your fake pity, Joel. I have interviews, stay out of my office.”

You left without another word, the click of your door much quieter than Ellie’s had been.

“That went well,” Esmo sighed, catching Joel off guard.

“Sure it’ll pass,” Joel said gruffly. He wasn’t sure why his chest got tight as he looked toward your office. He didn’t care about you beyond needing to keep you alive and he only needed do that because of everything he owed his brother. Besides, you were just some spoiled, pampered celebrity. Surely you could use something pushing back on you for a change.

“Dinner tonight is roast chicken,” Esmo said, heading toward the kitchen.

Joel frowned.

“Why are…”

“I know why you don’t usually eat with us, Mr. Miller,” she said, looking back over her shoulder at him, her eyes narrowed. “She won’t be joining us, her calendar is full until after 10. Don’t pretend that you enjoy those freezer burnt blocks of garbage you call food more than a home cooked meal, I don’t like liars.”

She disappeared to the kitchen, the rattle of pots and pans following not long after and Joel sighed, settling in on the couch to kill time instead of disappearing to his room on the other side of the house.

But, to his surprise, Ellie emerged just an hour later, in jeans a t-shirt instead of her uniform now, creeping into the living room like she was expecting someone to jump out at her.

“She ain’t here,” Joel said, making her jump. “Sorry, kiddo, wasn’t tryin’ to scare you.”

“It’s fine,” she sighed, coming in and flopping on the loveseat. “Where is she?”

“Doin’ interviews in her office, I guess,” Joel said. She nodded slowly, staring determinedly at the coffee table.

The two of them sat quietly for a moment before this strange tug at the center of him to take care of her - something that was so foreign now but still so familiar - made him clear his throat and break the silence.

“Want… want to talk about anything?” He asked.

“Like?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Like why you decided to beat up some boy at school,” he shrugged. “Or why you decided to say something that mean to one of the only people who really cares about you. Because that didn’t seem much like you.”

She scoffed.

“What do you know?”

He shrugged.

“Enough to know that you act tough but that you ain’t an asshole.”

“Ain’t isn’t a word,” she said.

Joel just shrugged again, going back to his phone.

Eventually, Ellie sighed heavily.

“That fucking boy,” she spat the word as though it were curse word, not the f-bomb she’d dropped a second earlier. “Figured out who she was. Saw her dropping me off at school earlier this week and started talking about shit like ‘your mom is so hot, why aren’t you’ and when that didn’t really bother me started saying shit like ‘I’ve seen your mom’s tits’ and called her a whore and I just… he fucking deserved it, OK? And I’m not about to apologize to that fucker just because the fucking school….”

“Alright,” Joel said gently, cutting her off. “I agree. He’s a jackass. You probably did the right thing.”

She looked surprised for a moment but it passed quickly.

“That’s why I couldn’t tell her what happened,” Ellie said. “Because do you know how fucking creepy it is, knowing that every guy in your stupid school has probably jerked it to your aunt? It’s fucking gross. I don’t want to talk about that shit with her.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“So, what, you decided to take it out on your aunt when you got home?” He asked.

“No,” she said, defensive. “I just… I know she loves my mom… Loved my mom… So why didn’t she… I don’t know, just… why didn’t she fix it? She has all this fucking money and knows all these fucking people, why didn’t she fix it? She can do everything else, why couldn’t she do that one thing?”

“You really think she didn’t try?” Joel asked gently. “Look, I don’t really know her but I can tell she loves you something fierce and I’m guessin’ that’s because she loved your mama something fierce, too. Just… sometimes, there’s shit that money can’t fix.” Without meaning to, he remembered holding his daughter as she bled out in his arms. He remembered begging whatever god might be listening to do anything to fix it. That he’d give anything, do anything, to fix it. It hadn’t made a damn difference. “Trust me. Sometimes power and money just don’t mean shit.”

She shrugged and picked at some unseen thing on the couch.

“Not my business,” Joel shrugged. “Just seems like you’re making her miserable because someone else is bein’ an asshole.”

“Think she’s mad at me?” Ellie asked quietly, looking over at him, her dark eyes soft.

“If she is, she’s not actually mad,” he said. “Just hurt. You said some shitty stuff, kid.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed, looking toward the hall that led to your office. “I fucked up.”

Joel shrugged again.

“Everyone does.”

She looked at him, her eyes narrowed.

“What are you doing out here, anyway?” She asked. “Don’t you usually hide in your room when you’re not following us around?”

He didn’t want to admit to hiding from the visions of his daughter that so often plagued him on his birthday, so he just shrugged instead.

“Well, I got this new video game while you were off,” she said. “Want to kill some zombies and shit with me?”

“Don’t you got homework or something?” He asked, brows raised.

“I’m suspended, remember?” She said.

“You really think either of them are gonna let that stand?” Joel asked. “Between your aunt and Esmo, you’re gonna be back in that school before you know it.”

She snorted.

“Probably right,” she said. “Still. Wanna play?”

He examined her for a moment, the hopeful look in her eyes as she watched him in return.

It had been so long since anyone had wanted something like this with him, some kind of connection, some kind of approval, some kind of emotional investment. It made his chest get tight and his first instinct was to tell her no, to stalk off to his bedroom and close the door and keep himself far away from anything like that… but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when she so clearly needed it.

“Yeah, alright,” he said. “Gotta get all that shit set up, though, don’t exactly play a bunch of video games…”

She scoffed.

“I’m sure you don’t, old man.”

Ellie gave him a controller and, as the two of them ran through some virtual desert to collect supplies and shoot zombies, he had the fleeting thought that making her smile made this the best birthday he’d had in more than five years.

***

“Thank you for having me!” You smiled brightly, hoping it still reached your eyes after faking your way through this for hours. Fuck, your Oscar should be for this shit, not your film roles. “It’s been so fun. Hope to see you at the movies!”

“See you there!” The spunky entertainment reporter on the other end of the connection said before the stream cut off. You let the smile slip the moment you knew no one but Quinn was left on the screen, grabbing your water bottle from just out of sight and chugging half of it.

“You did great,” she said, looking at notes on her end. “Hit all the big talking points, great lead in for the main junket kicking off soon.”

“Can’t wait,” you said wryly. Quinn gave you a look and you just shrugged. “What? I don’t get paid to act like I enjoy this shit with you, just with all the reporters.”

“Well, it looks like you won’t be flying solo on at least the LA portion of this junket,” she said and you frowned. Quinn answered the question before you had a chance to ask it. “Looks like Chris Reese will be with you…”

You groaned.

“Seriously?” You asked. “I have to be in LA and I have to deal with that jackass?”

“Have worse chemistry with him and then you won’t have to do shit like press with him,” she said. You glared at her. “What? I get paid to spin shit for the reporters, not for you.”

“Ha ha,” you said and she smirked.

“It’s not so bad,” she said. “Just two days of interviews. And they want you to do a few of TikTok trends for promos…” you groaned again. “Going to pretend like I didn’t hear that and just say that you’re looking forward to reconnecting with your costar.”

“Oh yeah, can’t wait,” you rolled your eyes.

“Also,” Quinn said, steadfastly ignoring you. “I just emailed you part of the script for Savage Starlight, they want you to do some chemistry reads while you’re out that way. They think they have a casting choice for the young version of yourself and you’ll have one dream sequence scene with her that’s going to be pretty important to the story, I guess… fuck if I know. They want to make sure the two of you fit well. They’re also looking at a few guys for your love interest… couple unknowns, Ryan Smythe and Chris Pine are all in the mix.”

You nodded slowly.

“Ryan’s not bad,” you said. “I haven’t worked with him but we’ve met a few times and I like his work. Surprised he’s drawn to a project like this…”

“I’m surprised you’re drawn to a project like this,” Quinn said.

You shot her a glare.

“…But I wouldn’t mind working with him,” you continued like she hadn’t spoken at all. “Pine is a shock, I think he’d have gotten enough of playing second fiddle to a woman superhero after Wonder Woman.”

Quinn shrugged.

“Maybe he’s just in his big time feminist era, not arguing with that. Plus, he’s good.”

“Oh, he’s great,” you said. “The best of the Chrises. Unlike Reese…”

“Oh, suck it up,” she rolled her eyes. “He’s not that bad.”

“He’s obnoxious,” you said. “You don’t have to deal with him like I do.”

“No, but I have to deal with his manager,” she replied. “I’ll trade you. At least Reese is nice to look at.”

“Yeah, he knows it, too,” you said.

“When you’re out here, we’ll have to have to have lunch,” she said “You’re my favorite client, I miss you.”

“You say that to all your clients.”

“Yes, but I lie when I say it to the rest them,” she smiled a little. “OK I’m going to let you go get some sleep. I’ll send you an itinerary for your trip out here and I’ll share it with the security outfit, too. Speaking of which, tell that bodyguard of yours happy birthday.”

You frowned.

“It’s his birthday?” You asked. “Wait, how’d you know that?”

“Come on,” she scoffed. “You know I ran a full investigation on the man I knew would be protecting you. I’m not stupid. Anyway, tell him happy birthday for me and take care of yourself, OK?”

“Will do. And you, too,” you said, hanging up and letting your forehead droop to your desk with a groan.

You were exhausted. Even before the Ellie shit you’d been exhausted and all you’d wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep all day.

Of course, you didn’t get to do that. Instead, you listened to the most important person in your life tell you that she wished you were dead before you had to go give the same goddamn interview to a dozen different broadcast outlets.

You’d closed yourself in your office and let yourself cry for a while before you forced yourself to stop long enough to do your hair and makeup and make sure you looked at least somewhat presentable before the first interview. And then you faked a smile for hours, talking about the last movie you made before your best friend died, trying not to think about leaving set every day to go see Anna in hospice, always afraid that it would be the last time you’d get to see her.

Esmo had sent you texts while you were stuck in interview hell, telling you when Ellie had eaten, done her homework and gone to bed. She’d also reached out to the school to discuss bringing her back sooner and said she would tell you what she’d gotten out of them the next day.

You weren’t sure what you’d done to deserve her but, in that moment, you felt like you owed her your life. Because someone needed to look out for Ellie, even when she wouldn’t let you do it yourself.

At least, now that it was late, the main part of the house should be empty. Esmo had gone home, Ellie was asleep, Joel liked to avoid every part of the house where he might run into people unless he absolutely had to be there. The last thing you felt like doing was getting into it with your niece or faking a smile for Esmo or putting up with Joel’s shit.

Your bodyguard exhausted you. He’d seemed to make it his own, personal mission to get under your skin. Sure, maybe you hadn’t given him the warmest welcome - you still weren’t thrilled about having to have a bodyguard in the first place - but that hardly seemed to warrant the degree to which he’d been poking and prodding at you in the two weeks he’d been working for you.

Joel had figured out quickly that he had a lot of power over you, somehow keenly aware that you weren’t about to complain to his boss about him or try to get him kicked off the job. What you didn’t get was why he seemed to be so fucking miserable to be assigned to you to begin with.

It’s not like he’d never been a bodyguard before, it’s not like this was new fucking territory for him. He just seemed to hate you personally.

You’d tried to change that for the first week or so. Yes, you’d gotten off on the wrong foot and you could take the blame for that. You were willing to give him some time to get it out of his system. You tried to reach out, to see what food he liked so you could update the dinner menus to his liking or to buy him coffee when you insisted on stopping to get one - much to his chagrin. You tried to even go along with some of his demands so his job was a little easier - things that wouldn’t have you losing as much of your autonomy, at least - but he didn’t seem to appreciate any of it. And then Seth, the other guard, was with you and you realized just how much Joel must absolutely loathe you.

Seth was much easier going. He let you drive without argument. He had dinner with you, Ellie and Esmo every night. He smiled and laughed and mentioned that he was surprised you picked Siren of the name options for you. You’d managed to hide your surprise at that, not wanting to give away just how much his coworker seemed to enjoy humiliating you.

Of course Joel had to come back on what had quickly devolved into the worst day you’d had since Anna died. Of course he’d seen just what Ellie said, of course he had some new way to make you feel like shit. Happy fucking birthday to him.

The pinch of tears had returned to the back of your throat but you swallowed them. You needed to eat something. You needed to go take off all this fucking makeup. You needed to actually sleep in your own damn bed because sleeping anywhere else would be strange and you couldn’t give Joel more ammunition to use against you or give Ellie any reason to feel worse.

So you forced yourself to go to the kitchen to get the plate Esmo had made for you out of the fridge, your feet heavy, the house dark. The light was on in the pool, the reflection from the water casting lines over the ceiling of your living room and you considered, for a moment, just how easy it’d be to go outside, jump into the water and let it swallow you. But you couldn’t do that. Ellie needed you, whether she liked it or not, and there was a whole staff of people who relied on you for their livelihood. Giving up wasn’t an option. Not for you. So you kept going, like you always did.

The kitchen was dark, too, but the smell of coffee was fresh and strong as you opened the fridge, the light oddly bright compared to the darkness of your house. You found the plate Esmo had left you, a chicken thigh and roasted broccoli piled high. You pulled the plastic wrap back, bumping the fridge closed with your hip as you did.

“Should pay more attention.”

You yelped, jumping and looking around before you realized that, at the end of your breakfast bar, was the hulking figure of your bodyguard, sitting in the dark.

“Jesus Christ,” you said, heart pounding. You set the plate on the counter and stalked to turn on the lights before rounding on him. “What the fuck are you doing, sitting here in the dark? Just lurking to try to fuck with me in some new way or what?”

“No,” he said and there was something so honest in his voice that you couldn’t help but believe him. “Didn’t feel like sleepin’, so…”

He shrugged and you just nodded, going to put your dinner in the microwave.

“Well, you can have the kitchen to yourself again in a minute,” you said, leaning against the counter and facing Joel, your arms crossed over your stomach.

The frustrating thing was, if he wasn’t such an asshole, Joel would be an attractive man. He was handsome, unquestionably so, in a way that would be sculpted out of marble in a bygone time. He was handsome and tall and broad and there was something about his presence - no matter how antagonistic he seemed to get - that made you feel safe. It was something that you thought went past the fact that he was paid to protect you, something in you that said that, while he was here with you alone, while he could easily overpower you, you didn’t need to be afraid of him. He was safe.

Of course, maybe it was better if he was a dick. If he was kinder, you’d probably end up half in love with him, a recipe for disaster since he was your bodyguard.

“S’your house,” Joel shrugged. “I can go if you want space.”

“I don’t mind,” you said.

He just nodded, twisting his coffee mug in his hands.

“You alright?” He asked after a moment of quiet with nothing but the hum of the microwave between you. You raised your brows at him. “Just… you know… whole Ellie thing.”

You watched him for a moment, head cocked. Was he asking because he actually cared? Was he asking to try to find some new way to make you miserable? You weren’t sure.

“She’s a good kid,” he said when you’d been quiet a bit too long. “She didn’t… I know she didn’t mean what she said, she’s just bein’ a teenager, and…”

“How do you know?”

He frowned.

“Know what?”

“That she didn’t mean it,” you said. “How do you know?”

The microwave beeped and you got out your food. Joel, much to your surprise, pulled out the chair next to his at the breakfast bar before gripping his mug again, his fingers tight and strained against the ceramic. You took the seat, grabbing a fork and knife from the silverware drawer on the way.

“I talked to her a bit,” he said once you settled in next to him. He wasn’t looking at you, staring straight ahead instead. “She was… she was upset about other shit and took it out on you. Don’t make it right but… at least explains it.”

“What was she upset about?” You asked, cutting into the chicken and taking a bite. Even reheated it was delicious. God bless Esmo. “Was it the fight at school? Because she was in a mood this morning, too, and…”

“Yeah, think that fight’s been simmerin’ for a few days,” Joel said, taking a sip of coffee before glancing your way quickly.

“What was it?” You frowned. “Did she tell you? If it was a good reason, then…”

“She told me,” he cut you off, actually looking at you now. “Look… I’ll tell you, but I think it’s best if you keep it to yourself. I get why she’s pissed.”

You frowned.

“OK…”

“That fuckin’ kid she beat up,” he said, like he was choosing his words carefully. “Well… guess he recognized you…”

“Shit,” you sighed, dropping your fork to your plate to press the palm of your hand to your eye. Of course you were the root of this problem, too.

“Sounds like he thought you’re her mom,” he said. “Started askin’ her why she’s not as good looking as you and, when that didn’t get enough of a rise out of ‘er, started saying… other shit.”

You gave him a second to continue on his own but he didn’t.

“Other shit like what?” You asked. He flinched and looked down at his coffee cup. “Other shit like what, Joel.”

He sighed.

“Other shit like he’d seen your… chest,” he said, his cheeks getting red. “And he called you… well, somethin’ you don’t call a lady.”

“Jesus,” you slumped down in your seat. “Well, at least that explains why she was begging me to not be the one to drive her to school in the mornings anymore…”

“Sorry,” Joel said, his voice rough.

“I don’t blame her for taking the bait,” you sighed. “Lord knows I would have in her shoes… God, it must be embarrassing for her…”

“Like I said, she’s a good kid,” he said. “Don’t take one blow up too personally. Teenagers are… well, they’re teenagers.”

You watched him for a moment.

“Why do you know this stuff?”

His jaw tightened for a moment.

“Just do,” he said.

Something told you that wasn’t all there was to it but you didn’t pry. Instead, you ate your dinner in silence next to him, trying to think of ways to talk to the school to get Ellie back in without bringing up what she’d told Joel. You liked that she had an adult she apparently felt like she could talk to. She needed that, desperately, in her life. You’d prefer it was you - it had been you, once upon a time, back when you weren’t responsible for her - but you’d take what you could get.

“Can I ask what that punching bag out back did to piss you off?” He asked eventually.

You laughed a little.

“Nothing much,” you replied. “Wait… you sighed an NDA for this job, right?”

“Yeah,” he frowned, looking at you again. “Why?”

“Because this isn’t public yet,” you said. “But… Well, I’m trying to prep for a role.”

“A role,” he said. “What role?”

“You ever heard of the comic series Savage Starlight?” You asked. He nodded. “Well… I’m Starlight. Or, I will be. They’re going to officially announce it in a few months, once the rest of the main cast is settled. They’re starting me with a trainer to learn fight choreography in six weeks but I’ve never had a role with fight scenes like this one, I’m trying to make it so I’m not starting from scratch so I don’t look like a total idiot.”

“That don’t…” Joel paused. “Doesn’t seem like your kind of movie.”

“It’s not,” you said. “But Ellie loves the comics. They’re her favorite thing and… well, if I’m her favorite super hero, I can’t be all bad, right? So I just… I want to get it right.”

“Well, you’re doin’ it wrong,” Joel said. You narrowed your eyes, about to argue with him on it, but he cut you off. “Not trying to be mean. Your form was just… I can tell you haven’t really thrown a punch before. Nothin’ wrong with that. Or, well, there isn’t until you need to start fighting. You just need to be careful is all, otherwise you’re just gonna hurt yourself.”

You laughed a little.

“Of course,” you said wryly. “It only makes sense that I’m shit at that, too.”

“Not shit,” he said. You raised your eyebrows. “What? You’re not. Just not trained. I… I can help. If you wanted.”

“Really,” you asked, incredulous. “You’d help me train to fight.”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “Not like I don’t got the time. Besides, figure my job just gets harder if you’re in a damn cast because you busted your wrist throwin’ a bad punch.”

“Fair enough,” you said. “Thank you.”

“Sure,” he said, the two of you falling silent again. You picked at the chicken, not much of an appetite.

“Do you think,” you said, trailing off for a moment before looking at him again. “Do you think you could take Ellie to school when she starts back? I’m going to talk to the school again tomorrow, try to get her back in next week, but I don’t want to cause her more problems and…”

“Sure,” he said. “I… I don’t mind. She’s a good kid.”

“She is,” you agreed.

You finished what you could of your dinner and slid off the seat before cleaning up your dish, Joel frowning and watching as you did.

“What?” You asked. “You’re looking at me like I’m… I dunno, an alien or something.”

“Don’t you have people who do shit like clean up after you?” He asked. “Ain’t that part of Esmo’s job?”

“I mean, yeah,” you shrugged. “But I’m not about to leave my dirty dishes sitting out overnight for her to deal with when she gets here in the morning. I’m not an asshole.”

He seemed to process that as you loaded the dishwasher and chugged a final glass of water before putting the glass in the dishwasher, too.

“Well, I’m going to bed,” you said. “Been a hell of a day. Want me to turn the light off so you can sit in the dark with your coffee again?”

Joel just shrugged.

“Don’t really matter,” he said. “Good night.”

“Night,” you said, turning to go before you remembered what Quinn had told you. “Hey, actually, why didn’t you mention that today was your birthday?”

He flinched, the movement so fleeting you almost thought you imagined it, and you had the strangest desire to comfort him somehow. You just didn’t know why.

“Don’t like my birthday,” he said after a moment. “Not a lot of reasons to celebrate so I just don’t. Besides, don’t really like being the center of attention.”

You laughed a little at that.

“Yeah, I know the feeling. But… well, happy birthday, anyway. Thanks for looking after Ellie.”

He nodded slowly.

“Thanks,” he said. “It… it was nice.”

You wanted to say something else but you couldn’t think of what so instead, you turned out the light and left him there, drinking coffee from your favorite mug alone in the dark.

Next Chapter

A/N: So sorry for the eternity between chapters. I've just not been able to keep up with things lately. I hope you enjoyed it, anyway.

I'm really enjoying their dynamic! Some active antagonism based in misunderstanding of motives, some mutual attraction, a lot of similar life experiences that they don't fully grasp yet. I just really love these two and I'm so excited to share where they're headed! Thanks for being here.

Love you!

Taglist: @christinamadsen @eff4freddie @brittmb115 @copperhalfcent @r3dheadedwitch @pedropascalsbbg @lovelyjess69 @yopossum @moel-jiller @picketniffler @lilyevanstan1325 @reluctanthalfwayoptimism @wintersquirrel

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #The Savage and the Sanctuary

134 notes · View notes

ducktoo · 17 days ago

Text

Syncing Dream [Aespa x M!Reader]

Side 1. Goal to fame with Giselle

Note: ik the poll was Karina….but it’s Gigi’s birthday sooo she won today 👍

Anyway, Side stories begin!

Masterlist here

This took place after Chapter 36

It was one of those usual breaks. Y/n walking on Giselle's room to ask if she needed some snack. However, he was met with a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

“So,” she began, locking her gaze on him with a grin that could only mean trouble. “Today’s the day you finally embrace your inner Gen Z.”

He raised an eyebrow, glancing at the TikTok app she had open. “Is that supposed to mean anything specific, or…?”

“Obviously!” Giselle laughed, pulling him closer. “You’re officially getting a crash course in TikTok. I’ve been meaning to teach you anyway, and the fans are practically begging for more manager content since last time. Time to boost that ‘cool factor’ of yours.”

“My cool factor?” Y/n feigned offense, crossing his arms. “Ya, I’m already the coolest person since-”

“-elementary school? Got it,” Giselle said with a smirk. “But I’m here to make you even cooler. I mean, you’re already dating Minjeong. You have to live up to those expectations, right?”

“Oh, so you’re doing this for her sake?”

“Ehhhhh… also for my entertainment,” she shot back, tapping her phone to set up the camera. “Now, let’s start with the basics. We’re going to do some trending TikTok dances.”

“Great,” Y/n said, rolling his eyes but smiling. “An ex-trainee now being tutored to become a TikTok influencer.”

Giselle shot him a look. “Ya, Y/n, we all have seen you dance, and, well… you’ve got potential. Let’s just say that.”

“Gee, thanks.”

With the camera positioned and recording, Giselle began demonstrating the dance. She moved fluidly, breaking down each step as she went. “Okay, so you just hit this beat, and then you pop your shoulders like this. After that, we do a little wave… Now, let’s try it together!”

Y/n did his best to follow along, but his timing was off, his arms flailed awkwardly, and his attempt at the wave looked more like a mime act gone wrong. He glanced over at Giselle, who was valiantly trying to keep a straight face.

“Y/n, you look like you’re doing the robot at a disco. Loosen up a bit!”

“I’m trying!” he protested, laughing despite himself. “I'm not used to this!”

Giselle burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. “Alright, alright, let’s move on to something simpler. Here, let’s do a lip-sync. All you have to do is mouth the words on time. Easy enough?”

She queued up a short clip of a popular song and handed him her phone, nodding encouragingly. Y/n took a deep breath, squinting at the words as the track played.

“What’s the song supposed to be?” he asked, his expression a mix of concentration and confusion.

“It’s a classic,” Giselle grinned. “Now, go for it!”

Y/n attempted to lip-sync, mumbling words here and there, his expressions overly dramatic. He missed the timing completely, but he nailed a ridiculous eyebrow raise that made Giselle double over in laughter. She was practically on the floor, clutching her sides.

“Oh my gosh, that was so bad,” she gasped, wiping tears from her eyes. “But in a good way!”

“Bad in a good way?” he repeated, grinning sheepishly. “That sounds in brand for me.”

“Definitely.”

Giselle set the phone down and shook her head. “Alright, I’m going to teach you how to do the full ‘Supernova’ dance. You know, the one that made you famous?”

“Yeah, because that’s not a lot of pressure,” he replied sarcastically, remembering how he had accidentally gone viral for the dance cover. “What if I mess it up again?”

Giselle waved her hand dismissively. “You won’t. Just follow my lead, and this time, add a little charm. Think of Minjeong cheering you on.”

One certainly couldn't refuse when your girlfriend was on the line.

“Okay, okay,” he relented, trying to channel all the confidence he had when performing with Aespa. As Giselle demonstrated the moves, he mirrored her, his movements a little less stiff this time.

“See? You’re getting the hang of it,” she said, nodding in approval.

“Yeah, but you have to admit, it’s easier to look cool when you’re not the one leading,” Y/n replied, sweat beginning to form as he concentrated on the routine.

“True, but we all know you’ve got the moves,” Giselle said with a wink. “Let’s do it again, but this time, you need to add a little something to your performance.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Like what? Should I throw in a wink or something?”

“Exactly! You need to give the people what they want. Think: you’re the main character!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “Ready? One more time!”

After several rounds of practice, Y/n finally started to feel like he was getting it. The energy between them was electric, and he couldn’t help but enjoy the fun of it all.

As they took a break, Giselle leaned against the couch, catching her breath. “Okay, next lesson. I need you to learn some Gen Z slang before we record the next TikTok. First up, ‘slay.’”

“Slay?” He thought for a moment, then answered confidently, “Like… when you kill it at something. Like you did an amazing job.”

“Not bad, not bad,” she said, nodding approvingly. “Alright, next one: ‘no cap.’”

Y/n scratched his head, looking puzzled. “Uh… does it have to do with hats?”

Giselle burst out laughing again. “No, no! It means ‘no lie’ or ‘I’m being serious.’ Like, ‘That dance you did was terrible, no cap.’”

“Oh,” he said, pretending to be offended. “Thanks for the honesty, Giselle. Real supportive of you right there.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for,” she teased. “Alright, last one. If I say something is ‘low-key,’ what does that mean?”

“Uh…” He squinted, trying to decipher the term. “Like, low effort?”

Giselle clapped her hands, shaking her head. “Not quite! It means something you’re kind of downplaying. Like, ‘I’m low-key obsessed with that new show.’ You’re interested, but you’re not making a big deal out of it.”

He nodded slowly. “Wow, okay. You guys have a whole other language. How am I supposed to keep up with this?”

“Lucky for you, I’ll be your translator,” she teased, patting him on the back. “Now, let’s try one more TikTok. Maybe we can redeem that last performance.”

Giselle set up the camera for a final challenge, picking a funny, quick lip-sync that even Y/n couldn’t mess up. This time, they did it together, playing off each other’s expressions. Giselle’s energy was infectious, and Y/n finally loosened up, letting himself get swept into the silly moment. They played up the scene, trading exaggerated glances and goofy expressions. By the time they finished, both of them were laughing uncontrollably.

“Okay, I’ll post that one,” Giselle said, her thumbs tapping rapidly as she uploaded it. “Trust me; it’s gold.”

They didn’t think much of it—until a few hours later when Giselle’s phone blew up with notifications. She stared at the screen, eyes wide.

“Uh… Y/n?”

“Yeah?” he replied, glancing up from his laptop.

“You went viral. Again.” She showed him the video, which had already racked up thousands of likes and comments.

"Again?" He blinked, stunned. “Wait, seriously? Why? We didn’t even do anything special.”

“That’s the beauty of TikTok!” Giselle laughed, scrolling through the comments. “‘Manager Oppa is iconic,’” she read aloud, snickering. “‘Y/n just gives off that energy.’ Oh, and look—‘Is he single?’”

Y/n’s face flushed. “Alright, alright, maybe this TikTok thing isn’t so bad.”

“Wait, I have an idea!” Giselle exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “What if I try to seduce you on camera? You know, as a funny prank?”

He chuckled nervously. “Uh, Aeri, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“Relax! It’ll be hilarious!” she insisted, already turning on the camera. “Just play along.”

“Okay, but if I get embarrassed, it’s on you,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Just trust me!” She approached him, leaning in closer with an exaggerated pout. “Hey there, Y/n,” she began, her voice dripping with faux seduction. “What’s a manager like you doing in a room like this? Shouldn’t you be busy managing Aespa’s hearts?”

Y/n tried to stifle his laughter, but it came out as a snort. “Seriously? And you tell me I'm bad at pick up lines?”

“Just go with it!” she laughed, pushing on. “You know, I’ve been watching you dance, and I have to say, you’re the best dancer I know. How about you take me out sometime? Just the two of us?”

Giselle swirling her hair with her hand certainly didn't help with Y/n's composure.

“Wow, Aeri, I—”

“Don’t get me wrong,” she interrupted, feigning a dramatic gasp. “I’m totally not trying to steal you from Minjeong, but, like, can we just appreciate how good you look while dancing?”

Y/n burst into laughter, waving his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay! I get it, you win! But please don’t tell her I said any of this!”

Just as Y/n thought the prank was over, Giselle's mischievous grin told him otherwise. “Wait, maybe I should!” she declared, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“….oh no” he groaned, his stomach sinking slightly.

“Let’s record a mini-TikTok right here in front of the other girls! Just imagine the chaos!”

“Aeri, no-"

“Too late!” she interrupted, already dragging him toward the living room where the other members were lounging. Karina was scrolling through her phone, Winter was snuggled up with a blanket, and Ningning was playing a game on her tablet.

“Hey, everyone!” Giselle called out, her voice bright and bubbly. “We’re doing a little TikTok challenge! I need you all to witness this moment of pure seduction.”

“Uh-oh, what are you planning now?” Karina asked, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Just sit back and enjoy the show!” Giselle said, positioning Y/n in front of the camera with an exaggerated flourish. “Ready, Y/n? Time to seduce me!”

"…like that Kabedon incident?" Y/n glanced at the others, his cheeks flushed. “This isn’t going to end well…”

“Don’t worry! I’ve got your back!” Giselle said, leaning in closer to him, lowering her voice to a sultry tone. “Y/n, you know I’ve always had a thing for managers like you…”

“Oh boy,” Winter muttered, trying to suppress a giggle. "In front of my salad?"

Karina pulled out her phone, already recording. “This is going to be gold! Keep going, you two!”

Giselle winked at the camera, flicking her hair back dramatically. “So, Y/n, do you want to take me out on a date? I know all the best places!”

“Uhh…” Y/n fumbled for words, glancing helplessly at Winter, who looked amused and slightly exasperated.

“Do you even know how to flirt?” Giselle teased, leaning even closer, pretending to bat her eyelashes. “Come on, show me what you’ve got!”

Ningning, now paying attention, burst out laughing. “Why does oppa even got more flustered now?!”

“Right?” Karina chimed in, pointing her phone at Y/n. “C’mon, give us your best pickup line!”

Y/n cleared his throat, desperate to salvage his dignity. “Um, how about… ‘Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears?’”

Winter laughed, but Giselle immediately replied with an over-the-top, “Wow, so smooth!” She placed a hand on her heart as if she were swooning. “Is it hot in here, or is it just Y/n’s incredible charm? Maybe is that bod of yours?”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough!” he laughed, trying to step back, but Giselle grabbed his arm to pull him back in.

“Don’t run away! We’re just getting started!” Giselle grinned, her playful demeanour infectious. “Alright, let’s switch it up. I’ll pretend to be shy and you can be the confident one.”

She turned away, pretending to shyly brush her hair behind her ear. “Oh, hey, Y/n. I didn’t see you there… You look really good today…”

“Uh, thanks?” Y/n stammered, glancing nervously at Winter, who was watching the scene unfold with an amused smile.

“Oh, come on, Y/n! You’ve got to act like you’re actually into it!” Karina chimed in, trying to keep a straight face.

“Yeah, show us that ‘confident manager’ side!” Winter added, smirking. "You did that to me!"

"Ya, Jeong, that's because it was you-"

"Whatever, this is fun!" Winter chanted. "Action!"

Y/n took a deep breath, trying to channel whatever charisma he had left. “Well, Aeri, you know I’ve always had a thing for strong women like you. How about we grab dinner together?”

Giselle spun around, pretending to fan herself. “Dinner? With me? Oh my gosh, this is so exciting!”

“You’re really getting into character,” Y/n said, shaking his head with a chuckle.

“Why wouldn’t I?” she replied with a playful grin. “But wait—what if I get butterflies when I see you, huh?”

“Then I guess I’ll have to be your calming presence,” he shot back, laughing.

“Y/n, you’re killing it!” Karina cheered, already thinking about the TikTok edits in her head. “This is going to be the best video yet!”

Giselle leaned in closer again, her voice a mock whisper. “I hope you can handle all this charm, because I’m not just a pretty face, you know.”

The other members burst into laughter, and even Y/n couldn’t help but join in, shaking his head. “Okay, I’m officially mortified.”

“Mortified, but slightly enjoying this?” Giselle smirked, giving him a playful nudge. “This is character development!”

“Character development? More like a character assassination!” he replied, playfully rolling his eyes.

"Speaking of character development." Karina turned her head towards Winter. "Our Mindoogie here looks fine over here."

"Hm?" Winter swallowed her food, still having that innocence on her. "Ahhh…nah, I'm ok with that."

"Huh?" Ningning gasped. "Unnie? You're fine?"

"Of course!" She leaned forward casually, looking at Giselle and the others with an innocent smile. “But you know, Aeri-unnie, you might want to tone it down a little. Y/n’s already got a pretty serious relationship, and besides… we’ve already, uh, done the deed.”

For a moment, there was absolute silence.

And then—absolute chaos.

“WHAT?!” Ningning practically screamed, her hands flying to her mouth in shock. Karina dropped her phone, her jaw on the floor, while Giselle’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“KIM MINJEONG!” Y/n spluttered, his face turning an impressive shade of red as he looked around at the girls, who were either screaming, laughing, or staring at him in horror.

“No way!” Karina shrieked, leaning forward, eyes wide. “You and Y/n—seriously?!”

“Don’t tell me it’s true!” Giselle gasped, covering her mouth but looking gleeful as she stared at Y/n, whose face was buried in his hands.

Winter shrugged with a mischievous smile, giving Y/n a sidelong glance. “What? You guys were teasing him enough, so I thought I’d, you know, raise the stakes.”

“Oh, stakes raised, alright,” Ningning said, shaking her head with a laugh. “Y/n-oppa, you’ve been holding out on us! This is, like, prime tea!”

“Alright, alright!” Y/n finally exclaimed, trying to regain some sense of composure. “It’s not—”

He glanced at Winter, who was still grinning. “Okay, yes, we’re together, but that part is just… Jeong's idea of a joke, right?”

Winter winked at him, laughing as she leaned back. “Guess we’ll leave that up to the imagination.”

The girls burst out laughing again, unable to let go of the idea, each one tossing in comments and making poor Y/n turn even redder.

“Y/n, you’re never going to live this down,” Karina said, wiping away a tear from laughing so hard.

“Guess that won't be on TikTok then” Giselle added, smirking.

Winter leaned in close, her voice a whisper only he could hear, “Don’t worry. I’d never actually spill everything about us—just enough to keep them on their toes.”

He shot her a glare, though he couldn’t hold back a smile. “Thanks for almost ruining my life.”

She just shrugged, chuckling. “What are girlfriends for?”

“Well….,” Giselle cleared her throat, glancing back at her. “Since you’re the official girlfriend and all, would you be open to, you know… loaning Y/n out every once in a while?” She winked dramatically at Y/n, who looked like he might just disappear into the floor.

Winter crossed her arms, tilting her head with mock consideration. “Hmm… I don’t know. Y/n’s a pretty hot commodity these days. What exactly do you need him for?”

“Oh, you know, moral support, lifting heavy things, taking gorgeous TikToks,” Giselle replied, grinning. “And maybe the occasional pretend-boyfriend duties?”

“Pretend-boyfriend duties?” Y/n exclaimed, shaking his head with a laugh. “I think that’s asking a lot.”

“Well, you’ve already gone viral twice with your dancing, and you’re super supportive of us all. So basically, we’re just sharing the Y/n experience.” Giselle batted her eyelashes dramatically. “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll have him back by 10 p.m.”

Winter chuckled, giving Y/n a playful nudge. “It’s a tempting offer, hon. She might even pay you in dance moves and insider Gen Z knowledge.”

Y/n put his hands up, laughing. “Alright, alright. I’m already Winter’s dance practice buddy, TikTok lab rat, and apparently, life advice hotline. How many jobs can one person have?”

“Oh, but think about it!” Giselle laughed. “The real prize is in the title: Borrowed Boyfriend Y/n. Imagine the potential!”

The group erupted into laughter again, with Y/n just shaking his head, his face a mix of exasperation and amusement.

Winter shot him a cheeky grin. “Guess you’re in high demand, huh?”

Y/n sighed, smiling at all of them. “You all make my life feel like the ultimate side quest at this point."

"Thanks, Y/n!" Giselle cheered.

#aespa #aespa x reader #kpop #aespa giselle #aespa karina #karina #aespa ningning #aespa winter #ningning #giselle #aespa x you #aespa giselle x reader #aespa x male reader #aeri uchinaga #giselle x reader #ning yizhuo #yoo jimin #kim minjeong #x reader

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princessleechan · 4 months ago

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"You're the man!" Chapter 36 WRITTEN CHAPTER (18+)

Masterlist

⚽Chapter tags: MDNI, she’s the man au, revenge au???, cross dressing!reader, reader identifies anything but male, sports au, queer themes, university au, love-whatever the fuck kind of shape, dry humping, longing and lusting, smutish/suggestive

⚽Tag list: @90s-belladonna @the-boy-meets-evil @lirtha97 @hipsdofangirl @justineasian @kwanisms @multi-kpop-fanfics @pantumin @wooahaeproductions @mayashu @shuasdraftsalt @lone-lone-ranger @headlockimnida @horanghaezone @haolistic @porridgesblog @jeonjungkaka @luchiet @ujimatchaaa @skzdesi @cheoliehansolie @vlbii @myghobi @sisterofsomeone @joonsytip @gyublues @alltheshineofthestars-blog @randomworker @isabellah29 @savgogh @too-many-kpop-hubands @shingsoluvely @kamabokogonpachro @skittlez-area512 @seccdlurv @chisskaa @mochiteez @theyluvfrankocean @lllucere @thomawifey @middle-of-the-earth @okiedokrie-main @itsokaytobedumb00 @humankimbap @zezedoesshit @teenyfinds @jeonghansshitester @aaa-sia @heyitz00 @silvsie

It’s the second time you’ve decided to stay over at Soonyoung’s place, but things feel different than it did the first time.

You set aside your emergency duffle—something you've made a habit of carrying ever since you started impersonating Yeonam—next to Soonyoung’s couch. Your feet touch Soonyoung’s apartment floor, and you take in the comforting scent of Soonyoung’s lived-in space.

Yep. You’re losing it. Or are just insanely horny with the right person at the right time.

"Make yourself comfortable. Don't be shy. Nothing you haven't seen before."

"Thanks." You follow him to the kitchen, the soft hum of the refrigerator filling the silence between you. He opens the fridge and pulls out a cold bottle, condensation forming on the glass as he turns back to you.

"Water?" he offers, extending the bottle toward you. As you reach out to take it, your fingers brush against his, a fleeting touch that sends a trail of electric currents through your skin, pebbling goosebumps. His touch is warm and lingering–like a gentle summer breeze on beach-kissed skin–sending delightful shivers down your spine and sending flutters to your chest.

You manage to hold his gaze, a soft smile playing on his lips as he watches your reaction. "I hope I'm not making you nervous," he says, his voice low and reassuring, "at least not in a bad way."

As you take a sip, you peer at him curiously, letting the cold water wet your lips and flood your already dry throat. "What's the good kind?"

He grins. "The kind that makes you want to share a bed with me again."

Your heart does flips, and you press your lips together, trying to hide your smile as you nod. "Then maybe you do. The good kind, not the bad kind," you clarify, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Good,” He shuts the fridge, talking a leisure step towards you. “I never want to put you in a compromising position."

"I know you wouldn't."

"Well, unless..." he trails off, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

You wait for him to finish but his eyes look away from you, subtle flush decorating his cheekbones. You lightly nudge him, eyes wide in tease. “Unless…?”

Your eyes lingered on each other, the tension thick, the already fragile ties of chastity between you tempting to snap. Soonyoung chuckled softly, deciding to restrain himself by walking away, the temptation tingling in his fingers as he clenched and unclenched them. "Nope. PG tonight. I can't have you throwing me off my literal game. Sharing a bed is as far as I'll risk it."

You roll your eyes, finishing the bottle before tossing it in the recycling bin. "Then, I'm gonna get ready for bed."

Soonyoung winces, biting his lips to suppress a tempted grin. "You say that like there's more to it."

"We'll have to see, won't we?" you reply impishly, retrieving your bag and heading to restroom.

Soonyoung can't help but trail behind you, his eyes tracing your every movement with an almost magnetic pull, captivated by each subtle gesture and shift. "I like you," he confesses, leaning casually against the bathroom door frame. His hands reach up to effortlessly embrace the door frame, a subtle display of restraint that somehow fails showcasing the veins bulging against his biceps that begs to be caressed. His grin is playful yet sincere, revealing more than just his intentions, even the ones he doesn't mean to. "But you're gonna have to keep your hands to yourself."

You scoff softly, a trace of skepticism lacing your voice. "I'm not the one you need to worry about."

Soonyoung lingers behind the closed bathroom door, his ears attuned to the sound of water flowing from the showerhead. A slow smile creeps across his face, reflecting a mix of satisfaction and anticipation. “I know,” he whispers under his breath, his fist tightening with excitement. He quickly dashes off, driven by the surge of anticipation to meticulously double-check the cleanliness of his room.

Meanwhile, you stand under the shower, letting the cool water cascade over your face. Each drop feels like a gentle relief against your burning skin, tense and taut from the thoughts racing through your head. You take a deep breath, feeling the rest of the stream rushing down your body in brisk anticipation.

You have no idea what tonight might bring, how far things could escalate, or how much you're willing to reveal in his presence. Tonight holds the potential for change.

Tonight, you might finally tell him the honest cold truth.

You exhale deeply, letting the air rush out, cleansing every corner with the soap lathered in your hands—even those usually shielded from the sun—preparing yourself for any scenario. Soonyoung may be aiming for nothing for the evening, but that could shift in an instant, leaving both of you more drained than anticipated before the game the following day.

After finishing your shower, you step into the bedroom designated for tonight. Soonyoung is already there, lounging invitingly on what appears to be freshly changed sheets, his smile welcoming as he looks up at you. "There you are," he says warmly, patting the spot beside him. "Get comfy."

You can't help but return his smile as you approach and hop onto the mattress. The air carries a trace of his freshly applied cologne, attempting to mask but somehow enhancing his natural scent, creating an intoxicating blend. As you settle in, his arms envelop your back, guiding you snugly against him. The closeness allows you to feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the warmth of his body seeping into yours with barely enough distance to admire his features as he does yours.

He begins tracing the shape of your eyebrows, the bridge of your nose, and then the curve of your lips, all with his eyes. It's as if he's mesmerized by your features, finding familiarity and beauty in every line. You feel a flutter of discomfort, wondering if he's scrutinizing you too closely, afraid of being caught off guard so early in the evening. But before you can ease the tension, Soonyoung seizes it, firmly pulling you closer to him, his nose brushing against yours.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you," he confesses in a single breath. "You and your beautiful face, and long tangents.”

You let out a chortle, covering your mouth timidly as you drew closer. “I can’t help those.”

“It’s a compliment. Speak your mind all you want.”

“You have the attention span for it?” You lightly nudge.

He tenderly knocks his forehead against yours. “You could go on about paint colors and you’d still have my attention.”

“I won’t put you through that misery.” Your hand combs through his hair, blown dry and sleek at the touch. Your fingers wander where they want to and massage into his scalp, watching his eyes delicately flutter shut as giggles leave his pretty lips.

His fingers wrap around your wrist, and the pads of his fingers caress your skin. “Don’t tease a guy.”

“I’m just playing with your hair.”

“It's not just my hair you’re playing with.” His hand slides down your back, following along the curve of your spine.

Your heart plummets, loosening the grip of your fingers before you reclaim his gaze, mischief playing a heavy hand. “Touchy, are we?”

“You started it.”

You muse back at him, melting into his touch, melting under his tender watch. “Soonyoung–”

His nose brushes against yours once more, tracing the bridge of your nose, his lips dangerously close. The single point of contact feels charged with a palpable ache, and you can't quite tell whose longing is louder. Your hands cup his cheeks, feeling the intense heat radiating from his skin against your cool palms. The only sounds now are the soft rustling of bodies against the bed, both of you struggling to get even closer, despite being already so near. “Why do I have a feeling there is a lot more to talk over DMs than in person, right now?” You hummed.

“Does that bother you?”

You shake your head, your nails lightly scraping against his skin. “I’ve got a good distraction.”

Your hips crushes against his, his presence of arousal brushing against your thigh, and you hear the sound of Soonyoung’s breath being hitched in his throat as you dig against between his legs. “Hey,” he utters breathlessly.

You let out a lethally soft moan, your flustered breath fanning Soonyoung’s face as you embrace the taut figure through his clothes, and gently grind against his arousal, feeding the voices in your head that call out to him.

He claims your waist, gently gliding down to your hips, and rides high with you, taking every thrust and grind with stride. The bulge in his pants takes a newer, bigger life and whether you like it or not–which you definitely do–you could feel every inch, dragging you down deep and deeper to succumbing.

You levy yourself on top of him, looming over him before squeezing his torso between your thighs. His gaze flicks up to you in soft confusion, but his hands follow seamlessly, tracing over your body delicately and feeling every bump and crush of him against your body. You’re vibrating at his size, moaning from his touch, no doubt feeling your arousal soak through your clothes.

“Slow down,” he gasps, “You’re gonna kill me.”

“Is that what you want?” You drew your lips to his ear. “Really?”

He shakes his head, clawing up your body as his other hand cups between you both and feel the heat of your cunt radiating on his palm. “No. Not at all.”

Your lips would hover over one another, touching but not kissing, as if testing each other’s patience. Few words pass between you, both of you consumed by the assertive touch of each other's movements. Soonyoung has to have everything in him not to take the plunge inside you right now but he knows what sex does and that’s warp his mind.

For a long time, he’s let sex take over his life, make it his reason to wake up, worm its way to every wrinkle of his brain, leading him to believe that it’s the solution to all his problems. And like any medicine, once you swallow a pill, you are done with that dosage. He can not let that happen to you. Not you. Never you.

But his urges are overpowering his desire for a deeper connection, one that he’d shame himself for hours later. He is nothing but weak in your presence and at the moment he craves you. “Please,” he begs helplessly.

“Please, what?”

Soonyoung fists around your clothes, bringing you closer as his thrusts grow frantic, voice brimming with plead and shame. He is overwhelmed with his lust and need, he can no longer deny himself of gratification, even if the clothes had to stay on. “Don’t stop…”

You can feel the sweat, the desperation, turmoil you’re going through. This feels good. Soonyoung feels good. You can only imagine what he’d feel like bare to his bones. How full he’s feel inside you, how slick it’d sound of him pushing in and out of you, how harsh the snaps of hips are as your skin collide. The thought alone–

“Oh my god, I’m close,” you give out. “I’m really fucking close.”

“Shit,” Soonyong replies, anguish tantalizing in his voice, “That’s so hot. I’m not even inside you yet.”

“Fuck you,” you chuckle, grinding deeper, his clothed erection practically poking hole through you.

“I may be on the same boat,” he admits, his thrusts losing their control. “I just never thought you’d be first to say it…I could cum here right now with you on top of me.”

“Soonyoung…”

“I mean it.”

There is another word that needs to be said as it quickly takes a turn. He’s toppling over you. Nothing gets in your way, and Soonyoung makes it clear that it goes the same for him, that he’d show no mercy. Through the fabric of your clothes, you explode against each other. Through fits of want and greed, you embrace everything, breathing in pants and sweat like they’re life forces, until finally, a shot lands right in its goal.

Soonyoung clutches you fervently, his jaw slack as his release drowns his briefs then his sweatpants, thrusting his final jerks against you. You lay satisfied underneath him, in a daze from your own orgasm, only able to process and think about the look on his face: how perfect he truly looked above all. How natural he feels against you, you’re maybe the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been in a very long time. In that moment you realize, what more can you want?

“Fuck,” he sputters with a smile. “Now I have to change.”

He beams at you with a wicked smile before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Why don’t you head to the bathroom while I freshen up the sheets again?”

“I don’t mind a little sweat and grime,” you reassure him, moving closer.

“Please do as I ask, or you’ll make me want to tire myself out even more for the big game when it’s already,” he glances at his bedside digital clock, “one in the morning. I’ll make it up to you afterward, hmm?”

You let out a defeated sigh before planting a kiss on his cheek. “Fine. I’ll clean up, and maybe I can clean up you,” you say, brushing the dark stain on his sweatpants, “after.”

“Tempting,” he hums with intrigue.

You peel away from him, lifting your shirt slightly to cool off the perspiration on your skin, revealing just enough to tease Soonyoung. The effect is immediate—he leans back, eyes lingering appreciatively on the enticing sight. “I’ll be back,” you say with a playful glance.

“And I’ll be waiting.”

Soonyoung watches you leave with a contented grin, settling into bed in a state of deep bliss, savoring each calming breath. In this peaceful moment, a chime interrupts the tranquility—a sound that demands attention and brings focus to itself. For Soonyoung, who is basking in his happiness, this chime is unexpectedly out of place. That wasn’t what his phone sounds like.

His gaze follows the chime, landing on a phone on his dresser that seems oddly out of place yet vaguely familiar. It’s the phone you inadvertently left behind when you joined him in bed, seemingly forgotten in the moment. Intrigued, Soonyoung picks it up, curiosity growing as he notices the screen cluttered with an array of messages. The names flashing across the display are unmistakably familiar, each one sparking fleeting flashes of recognition in his mind.

As Soonyoung sifts through the flood of texts new and old, a sinking realization dawns on him. What has he done?

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flyingwargle · 6 months ago

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bokuaka fanfic recommendations!

i am uncharacteristically nervous about posting this haha i read a lot of fanfic and always enjoy looking at other people's recommendations, so i thought, why not share some of my favorites?

all these recs are sfw!

oneshots!

banana bread by leuralo_1 gen. 2.1k words. bokuto pov. bokuto and his roommates have too many bananas and akaashi takes the train overnight to make banana bread with it. that's it, that's the fic. it's so cute, i'm begging you to read it.

spending all, spending all my time (loving you) by hyeyu gen. 3.4k words. bokuto pov. akaashi is a dimension traveler and gets nailed in the head by bokuto's serve, so he stays until he fixes his dimension travel device. one of my first bokuaka fics that i read, very cute and the pining is palpable.

in the same room, at the same time by quel_nightmare teen. 21.5k. alternating pov. marriage proposal fic! i read this all in one sitting and my heart was ready to burst by the end. very cute, i won't spoil anything other than that <3

astronomy in reverse (it was me who was discovered) by flumes teen. 22.1k. akaashi pov. a non-linear narrative about akaashi pining over bokuto from high school to the future. very poetic and lyrical, with the boys discovering their feelings for each other in the end. i also read this all in one sitting.

longfics!

background check by ghostystarr gen. 2 chapters, 8k words. msby4 changes bokuto's lockscreen picture for fun since he doesn't lock his phone, but the game changes when he changes it to a picture of akaashi. a very fun and cute fic with the msby4 gang helping their bro out.

truth is such a violent force by inaminute teen. 8 chapters, 41k. it starts with akaashi's 1st year at fukurodani and explores his dysfunctional family, growing relationship with bokuto, and deals with homophobia. i love the fukurodani boys in this, and how supportive they are of one another. there's also a sequel that is just as heart-wrenching as this one! (both have happy endings, don't worry)

flightless owl by volleydorkscentral teen. 31 chapters, 57.6k words. bokuto gravely injures his leg and has to sit the rest of his third year out. this fic focuses on his recovery, his relationship with akaashi developing, and overcoming the pain of his injury. has a happy ending, as well!

the way you look at me by mocaw teen. 36 chapters, 79.2k words. bokuto sees train guy every night on his commute after practice until he decides to take the first step and introduce himself. this fic is the reason why i ship bokuaka. it's slowburn, deals with anxiety and ptsd, developing relationships, and is just beautifully written (i am also extremely biased because this shaped my undergrad years). please read it, i'm begging you.

the death of our hands by bershlate teen. 25 chapters, 109k words. this longfic explores akaashi's ocd, his dysfunctional family, and an amazing oc older brother, along with his relationship with bokuto. i read this recently and finished it in a few days because of how gripping the story is <3

i'll let you shatter me with your pain by kuromantic teen. 23 chapters, 160.4k words. akaashi is an empath and when he brushes against bokuto, he gets the biggest shock of emotions of his life. this fic is very heavy, dealing with abuse, malnutrition, trauma, and homophobia. it has a happy ending, and our boys do get together <3

i'll reblog this from time to time to add more recs as i keep reading! of course, feel free to check out my own bokuaka fics >:3 i might post more?? for other pairings and general recs?? and for genshin too since i have a lot there haha okay enjoy bye!

#text #fanfic recs #haikyuu fanfic recs #personal #if you can tell what kind of fics i like to read based on my recs #its a lot of angst and fluff #i like to make sure both boys suffer equally #since they're in love and all #also i don't like reading about too dark themes #there's enough suffering in the world #let our boys be happy #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #bokuaka #fukurodani

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lovelyladyabsinthewrites · 9 months ago

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Pairing(s):Edward Cullen x Wolf!Reader, Jacob Black x Witch!OC

Warnings: this will be the second to last chapter of this series, some spanish (i know a little but thanks to being extremely white washed i still had to go to google translate 🙃), really sorry this took so long :(, i'll try to get the last part out in a timely manner but no promises

Words: 3842

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38

Screams coming from Sam's home has your paws picking up speed and Evita's hands tightening in your fur so that she could hold on. The others were at your heels, uneasiness clouding the pack telepathy and only thinking of the worse. Surely, today couldn't get any worse, right?

Once in the backyard, no one cares that you three wolves are stark naked. Evita didn't bat an eye having grown accustomed to the pack's frequent nudity.

Nearly ripping the backdoor off it's hinges, all of you crowd into the kitchen and rush through to the living room where Bella and Nadege are screaming, but not in pain in horror. Their outburst is one of pure delight when you catch the sight of a perfectly made ward clutched in Bella's hand.

Tension flees from you and you too pull Evita forward as both of you squeal in delight.

"You did it!!" Sliding onto your knees in front of her, you beckon for Bella to show you the ward. Evita's curls bounce with excitement as she says something in Spanish to Nadege.

Bella's eyes are large and there's the telltale sign of glossy tears that are on the brink of following over her bottom lashes. You'd never seen her smile that wide. Her hands are trembling when she hands it over to you for inspection.

"All the wards are finished." Evita gleefully announces to the others in the room that had gone unnoticed in the moment.

Seth, gleaming over Nadege's shoulder, rises to his full height to address Jacob. "Sam?"

Difficult to pull his attention away from Bella's ward, he reluctantly looks up at Seth and Emily who lingered near the hallway. "He'll be at the Cullens for a while. They have Irina there under some sort of sleeping spell."

You catch the younger wolves grumble about missing it but one silencing glare from Leah, they settle down and merely fold their arms. Quil and Embry, sitting next to them, are grateful that it's not them for once on the receiving end of Leah's deadly gaze.

"We need to disperse these wards as soon as possible." Evita says while searching through her backpack for a rolled up piece of printer paper. Inked on it was a map of the Forks-LaPush area. "They don't have to be placed at these exact coordinates. Just as long as they're in the general area."

"I'll go get the other wards." Emily nods and retreats to the bedroom she shared with Sam, deemed the most secure place in the house.

Back and laying out the rest of the wards on the coffee table, there's the question of dividing the pack into groups to scatter them in their appropriate locations.

And much to your shock, their eyes all turned to you.

It takes you a moment to realize everyone was staring at you. You were still congratulating Bella while the others spoke.

When you find their attention solely on you, it causes your face to warm. "What?"

"Well. . . since the older members of the pack are at the Cullens. . ." Jacob takes the lead since no one else was saying anything. "And you and Sam have been spending a lot more time together-"

"You're the closest thing to an alpha we have at the moment." Leah finishes for Jacob since he appeared to be struggling with an explanation.

Nadege and Evita possess toothy grins as they glance from you to your packmates.

"Me?" Voice squeaking, you feel your palms grow clammy.

Embry's warm eyes happens to calm your nerves as he gives you an encouraging grin. "Well, alpha?"

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. "Okay."

Ideally you'd want to wait for the sky to darken a little more to better hide the massive wolves moving through the woods (and even having to cross a few public streets) to get to their given pinpoints.

You and Evita stay behind as you watch the other duos disappear in the weaving web of the forest trees. Brady and Embry to one direction, Quil and Colin, Seth and Leah; the only pairing you questioned slightly was Bella and Jacob. Perhaps they could use this time to make up as well (not like you were one to talk. you had yet to even mention what happened to him). Nadege would take the last one and shift to her bird body. She much preferred an aerial view opposed to you and your packmates navigating by scent and memory.

Phasing back to your superior wolf form, Evita easily swings herself onto your back. Her fingers slightly pull at your fur as she makes sure to get a good grip. The first time she'd been a passenger on you, she'd fallen without much help staying on you. Learning her lesson, she now used your fur as handlebars, being as gentle as she could while also affirming that she would not be flying off.

You and Evita would be the group to go the furthest out. You'd have to travel to the border of where Forks meets the Elk Creek Conservation Area. Doing your best to keep away from the public eye and keeping to the wilderness.

Trying not to stumble, you realize you're impatient to get this whole thing over and done with. No more of the black overbearing cloud that were the Volturi looming over your heads. Irina was subdued. Victoria was long gone. The Volturi were your only obstacle left. And then. . .

You might be able to have a chance to finally breathe and enjoy your budding relationship with Edward. Live a life of a young lady in love. Was that too much to ask for?

Awkward was not quite the word Jacob would have chosen. Tense, perhaps cringe inducing were the more appropriate terms. Instead of shapeshifting like the rest of his pack, he chose to use his motorcycle and have Bella on the back of his seat. Her hands cling onto the front of his shirt from behind. Jacob had noticed the lack of strength as she gripped onto the fabric. He'd overheard from Dieufel how using magic could drain one's energy. Especially those who are just beginning in the practice. Making that ward must have taken a lot out of her.

Irina had destroyed much of his garage including his beloved Volkswagen. But his motorbike survived.

They drove in silence to the northern most part of Forks.

Actually, not complete silence. Thanks to the slight auditory enhancement he possessed with his human body, Jacob could hear the rapid fluttering of the cardiac muscle that resides in her chest. Swore he could even feel it too against his back as Bella clung to him.

While he felt incensed for what (y/n) had down in spilling the beans, he knew he'd omitted the truth to Bella and ultimately was the cause for her hurt feelings. He'd wanted to apologize before hoping onto his bike, but time was crucial more than ever.

"This should be good enough." Jacob says once the engine of his bike is silenced.

Bella pulls off her helmet and puts it in the spot behind Jacob. She looks around at the barren area where they'd stopped at. Nadege instructed her that all Bella was required to do now was simply dig a small hole and bury the ward. The witch doubted the Volturi would even be aware of what the ward was if they came across it. Better safe than sorry.

From the small backpack, Bella grabs the two necessary items for their mission: the ward and a small handheld spade.

She couldn't mess this up.

She wouldn't mess this up.

Her fingers have a stranglehold on the items in each of her hands. Jacob watches her curiously while scanning his eyes around their surroundings every so often.

Dirt flies as she makes a hole deep enough to properly cradle the stone smooth ward. Covering it back up, she flattens the earth back into proper alignment to not draw attention to what is buried underneath.

"Done." Her smile is hopeful when she walks back to Jacob. Her helmet is almost on her head before Jacob interrupts her.

"Wait, Bella. . ."

Hesitantly, Bella lowers her arms along with the helmet and arches a slim brow up.

"I'm sorry about what happened the last time we hung out. I'm sorry about a lot of things, actually. I should have at least told you about the imprinting. But, I was in denial about it. I didn't want it to be on someone I didn't know. I always hoped that you would somehow be my imprintee." Jacob chews on his bottom lip. "You didn't deserve that though. You're my friend. Probably one of my best friends but don't tell the others."

"I just wished you would've let me be there for you like you've always been there for me, Jake. I can't imagine what you were going through all that time. Didn't understand why you were acting like an-"

"Asshole?"

"Yes."

Both laugh.

"I forgive you." Bella says with a smile still on her face. "How are you feeling about the imprinting now? Still in denial?"

That has his expression sobering up. "Can't really deny it anymore. Plus I feel better knowing that Leah's imprinted on that Dieufel dude."

"Wait- really?"

Jacob nods. "Yup. Neither Dieufel or Evita know about it. Sam instructed the pack not to let the witches know of the imprinting until after this ordeal with the Voltur is finished with."

Their gaze lingers back to their buried treasure. Bella encouragingly tells him "Well, that day may be sooner than you thought. If she's worth the wait, which I think she is, then you just have to bear through it."

Bella holds his hand. it wasn't even that long ago where this kind of contact would have him getting butterflies in his stomach. Now though he sees her as a sister.

That's when he sees the exhaustion on her face. "You tired?"

"Magic, as I am now learning, is a lot more energy draining than I imagined." With the weariness was contentment though. She glowed thinking of all that cramming paid off. "This makes me feel like i can right some of the mistakes that have come from my involvement with Edward"

"Want me to drop you off on the way back?" Offers Jacob.

She declines. "No. I want to see this thing through."

"Quit moping." Leah scolds him through pack telepathy.

The skin of Seth's muzzle furls into an ugly snarl that shows his front teeth. "I'm NOT moping. Why didn't you tell me you imprinted? I wouldn't have judged you for it or anything! I'm your brother-"

She turns to snap her jaws at him. The pouch that hung around her thick neck swings from the sharp movement. There lay their ward that they are to bury. "I didn't want ANYONE to know. I wished it had never happened!"

Seth flinches away, ears flattening against his head and tail moving between his legs.

Taking her temper down a few notches when she feels the hurt radiating from him, Leah internally sighs. She shouldn't be picking fights, especially not with the pack. Enough fighting will be ahead. There shouldn't be any interpersonal fighting within the pack.

She loved her brother and since losing their father, she didn't want to lose anyone else in her small family.

They begin walking again though Leah noticed Seth was further behind.

"I was scared, Seth. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. I panicked. . ." Hating admitting that she felt fear, Seth acknowledged her apology as genuine.

Quiet passes for a few minutes until Leah could feel Seth beside her once more; his paws emitting gentle pitter patters over small twigs and crunchy leaves. "No. . . it's alright. . . from (y/n) and Jacob. . . imprinting doesn't seem like a good thing."

"Hopefully when you imprint it won't be as complicated." Leah adds with a small lilt to her thoughts that makes it sound like she's smiling.

Doubt crept in. He hadn't seen anyone positively impacted by their imprinting thus far. Even Sam and Emily started on a rocky start. Imprinting became something terrifying to the younger wolves. He'd spoken with Brady and Colin, neither happy or looking forward to finding their soulmate. In fact they continuously hoped that it would never happen to them. Being a wolf was hard enough.

To change the subject, Seth goes about finding an appropriate dig spot when they reach their destination. His long claws are useful pulling up dirt.

Leah's back in her human skin, pulling at the chord around her neck to open the pouch. She holds the stone in her hand. Warm to the touch. Waiting for Seth to finish, her attention is completely enraptured by the small rock that would ultimately save so many lives. They were putting all their faith in this thing.

She heaves a heavy sigh, placing the stone into the ground, murmuring a silent pray she wasn't sure anyone would hear.

"Do you think anyone else from the pack will imprint soon?" Brady once again asks Embry and he has to refrain from groaning. The leather pouch strung around his neck bobs as he merely shakes his head to emote his ire. "I wish I had imprinted on Nadege. She's so hot."

If he were in his human body, Embry certainly would have rolled his eyes. "Focus Brady. This is important and we can't fuck it up."

The younger wolf whines. "I know it's important. I just want to lighten the mood. Everything has been so. . . life or death lately."

Embry felt for Brady. He really did. Poor kid was the youngest in the pack. Not even fifteen yet. Brady wasn't allowed to act like a kid his age normally will thanks to this whole werewolf shit.

Reading his thoughts, Brady flicks an ash brown furred ear. "I'd rather be a wolf then some boring teenager."

"You think that for now." It had been all fun and games for Embry too until (y/n) imprinted on Edward.

Thoughts are interrupted by the loud screeching of a bird from overhead. Brady's body lowers to the ground, lips parted in a snarl as his eyes shoot upwards. Embry too digs his nails into the ground, preparing for any kind of air assault that may come their way. This bird didn't sound like any they'd encountered in the wild before.

Familiar colored feathers flurry around in a storm when a giant falcon dives to the ground. Nadege is flushed, panic striking her eyes. "Bury the ward and get out of here. I just saw two cloaked figures traveling down the mountainside. They must be your Volturi."

She returns to her hawk form, allowing the boys to pick up speed and hurry up all while shooting the message down the pack telepathy.

"Stay calm you guys." They can hear Leah's voice. "Just get it down and get out of there. Like Nadege said."

"Evita said once the last ward is in place, the entire thing will activate." (y/n) says. Since Embry has known the girl since childhood, he picked up on the nervous tremor of her thoughts. She was rightfully worried about them encountering members of the Volturi so soon. "We've already buried our's. Evita got a text from Bella that they've buried their's as well."

"Our's is buried too." Quil replies.

Nadege follows them from the sky, partially leading them to the area they were supposed to be in.

"Maybe if Brady hadn't been mooning over Nadege-"

"Shut up Colin!"

"Both of you shut up!" Leah and (y/n) command in unison.

Phasing, Embry yanks open the pouch hastily while Brady starts to dig a hole with his giant paws.

Another ear splitting cry from the treetops, cutting through the forest. Nadege. The Volturi were even closer, uncomfortably so. Her bird body lands on a branch, sharp talons piercing the bark for support. Feathers ruffled in agitation.

Kicking dirt back into the hole, Embry successfully grins. "Done!" He pivots to Brady. "Lets get the hell out of here!"

Brady wasn't looking at Embry though. Frozen to the spot and fur spiked up, slowly his snout furls into a snarl. Nadege releases a high-pitched whistle, sharp and penetrating scream.

"So, these are the wolves Irina told us about."

Without his heightened wolf sense, their scent had passed by him. Embry feels sweat prickling at the nape of his neck despite the chill in the air.

"Turn around, boy."

A throaty growl rumbles from Brady who dared to take a step closer to Embry. Embry simply tried to shoot him a look that hopefully read 'stay where you are' or 'don't move'.

He does so, knowing the rest of the pack was on their way. And that the wards were in position. To test it, all the Volturi had to do was try and pass over it to get to Embry and Brady.

Embry holds his breath, staring into two pairs of blood red eyes. Eery and reminding Embry of the newborns they'd faced off with two weeks prior.

One of them chuckles. "He's nothing but a mere child. The other also seems like just a pup himself."

They creep closer and Embry has to resist glancing down at the ground at the fresh pile of dirt that hid the ward. Instead he waits while his heart is ramming against sternum, threatening to break free from it's confines. These two. . . they felt different from the newborns he'd faced off against.

"Where are the others in your pack?" The taller of the two cock their head to the side. His foot steps over the threshold, a few inches away from Embry. Immediately there's a sizzling sound before the Volturi guard shoots back as if electrically shocked. He hisses in pain, scarlet eyes glaring at Embry. His companion eyes him questioningly before Nadege swoops from her perch and in another flurry of feathers switches back to her human form to protectively stand next to Embry.

He hisses "A witch. More unnatural creatures."

Recovering from his pain, the other one bares his teeth. "Aro will be pleased to know about this. He'll enjoy wiping all of you off the face of the earth."

"I'd like to see him try." Nadege fiercely barks back. Her height matched that of the taller Volturi member. She was a commanding beauty who wouldn't back down. Not when it meant the lives of those she had befriended. "You Volturi are ignorant of the world around you. If you truly aim to rid the world of other beings like us, you'll never achieve it."

That statement outrages the vampires.

Not more than the thundering of large paws that makes the earth tremble. Back up had finally arrived.

A horde of snapping jaws and snarling faces. Bella is seated atop of Jacob's russet brown wolf while Evita is atop of (y/n)'s back. The human girls glare at the ruby eyed vampires. Bella recalling their identities with a scowl.

"Miss Swan."

"Demetri." Her pale lips spit out. Fingers curl tighter into Jacob's fur.

Demetri's companion hisses. "Traitor. You have gone back on your word."

"The situation has changed."

Edward, flanked by a newly returned Carlisle and Jasper, emerge from the trees on the side of the Volturi guards.

"Explain this heresy." Demetri turns to them while Felix keeps his wicked gaze on the wolves. "Why have you allied yourselves with these beasts? Not telling the Volturi of their existence would be considered the highest of crimes."

"Like Edward said, the situation has changed. They helped us fight Victoria's newborn army. They are not the werewolves which the Volturi exterminated throughout Europe centuries ago." Carlisle simply explains with that calm demeanor of his. Perhaps Jasper was using his ability on their side to soothe the tempers of Demetri and Felix as the rigidness of their posture slackened.

"One of those wolves just so happens to be my mate too." Edward proudly announces which only sends disgust through Demetri and Felix.

Felix laughs bitterly "So you traded in a human for a mongrel?"

The wolves growl in indignation for their packmate. (y/n) simply flicks an ear, uncaring for what they thought.

"Easy there." warned Carlisle. "Right now you're trespassing on their territory. I would change the tone if I were you. If you'll just follow us back to our house-"

"What and talk it over a nice cup of tea?" Demetri lightly mocked. "No, this can't be resolved that simply."

"Demetri, please-"

"You've aligned yourself with these savage animals. Not just them, but mortals who possess the powers of a supernatural. They have no place in our world."

"Que hombre tan tanto. (What a stupid man)"

Evita's eyes round at the two newcomers entering the forest. A fearful tremor in her voice. "Mama?"

As if taking a leisure forest stroll, Alice and an older woman stand side by side. Alice looking so petite and pale compared to her companion whose dark, wild curls had strands of silver that would catch on the light. A burgundy shawl is wrapped around her shoulders, covering the cream colored blouse she wore.

Evita's mother scowls at her daughter on the other side of the ward's protective embrace. "Evita, estas en un gran problema. ¿Aquí es donde has estado? (Evita, you're in big trouble. This is where you've been?)" Her eyes, while being the same lovely color as Evita's, had the tell tale signs of aging. Also much like Evita when the pack first met her, there's that tangy scent of magic that wafts through the air that clung to the older woman.

At the slight threatening tone in her voice, Evita pales.

Switching from Spanish to English, Annalisse huffs and turns to address Demetri and Felix. "You two feel like big men? Threatening children?" They open their mouths like their about to protest, but Annalisse silences them with a slash of her hand. Whether that was due to magic or just her intimidating air would be a mystery. Either way it did the trick.

Almost comedic how they shrank away from her as she struts straight up to them despite Alice and the other three Cullen males trying to stop her. This woman was fearless and had the pack staring at her in admiration. Witches were made of much stronger stuff than the regular human. Even Nadege almost leapt into action once the Volturi duo arrived.

"If you want war, the only losers in it would be the Volturi. Only a handful of your kind possess special abilities. Unlike us. You think immortality will save you? That your massive coven will be enough? You're outnumbered even now."

A few quiet seconds pass, Demetri and Felix exchanged glances, a hint of uncertainty flickering in their eyes. They were used to asserting dominance, but this woman exuded a power they hadn't anticipated. Reluctantly, Demetri spoke up, his tone begrudging. "Carlisle, show the way."

Please let me know what you guys would like to see in the final chapter :) I'm interested to hear how you want things to end.

TAGLIST: @saltedcoffeescotch , @dangerouslittlefairy , @burn-crash-rqmance , @casedoina , @avadakadabra93 , @daryldixonstorm , @blue-aconite , @xanniestired666 , @esposadomd, @godinho11 , @alexizodd , @melaninsugarbaby , @lyeatoalinatoheaven , @ronwownsme , @itsmytimetoodream , @afro-hispwriter , @mutandis-extremis993 , @hxgemxscles , @nightly-polaris , @corrodedcoffin-slut , @ellesalazar , @itgetzweird08 , @crybabyatthediscooffandoms , @sassyandclassyx , @scarlet2007 , @theroyalbrownbarbie , @jennyamanda8 , @stevenandmarcslove , @biancaindaeyo , @loversjoy , @turningtoclown , @vixorell , @xxthackerybinxxx , @daredevilonmyheels , @dumbbitch-juicee , @southern-bell-give-hell , @nat-the-gemini , @imdoingathingmom , @emmettcullenswife , @yoong1c0re , @daddykylokenobi , @minjix , @magical-spit , @krismdavis , @arin-swear-rose

#reader insert #reader insert fanfiction #twilight fandom #twilight fanfiction #the twilight saga #twilight saga #twilight #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen fanfiction #edward cullen imagine #edward cullen fanfic #edward cullen

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angel-sweets666 · 5 months ago

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Running away!

guard könig x princess reader

könig is 36 while reader is 18-25

chapter 3!

Chapter 2 here

a/n ITSSSSS HEREEEEE! Hope you guys love it!

Guard König and you strolled through the royal gardens, the air filled with the scent of blooming flowers and the soft murmur of distant fountains. Despite the serene surroundings, König couldn't shake the tension that coiled within him like a tightly wound spring.

"So, how are you finding the gardens today, König?" you asked with a warm smile, breaking the peaceful silence between you.

König glanced at you, his expression carefully neutral. "Lovely as always," he replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil within him.

You continued walking along the winding path, the gentle breeze rustling the leaves overhead. König stole glances at you, his heart heavy with unspoken words. He had long harbored feelings for you—feelings that went beyond his duty as your guard. But the weight of his station, the boundaries that separated you, kept him silent.

You tilted your head, studying him with concern. "You seem troubled, König. Is everything alright?"

He hesitated, grappling with his inner turmoil. "Just… thinking about the security arrangements for tonight's banquet," he offered vaguely, knowing it was a poor excuse but unwilling to reveal his true thoughts.

You nodded understandingly, though a flicker of disappointment crossed your features. "It must be difficult, always having to think about such things," you murmured, your gaze drifting to the vibrant blooms around you.

König swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his unspoken desire pressing down on him. He longed to tell you—to confess his yearning to escape with you, to leave behind the constraints of your roles and forge a life together where he could love you openly. But the words remained lodged in his throat, trapped by duty and fear of rejection.

As you reached a secluded bench overlooking a tranquil pond, König finally spoke, his voice tinged with a mixture of longing and resignation. "Your highness… there are times when I wish…" He trailed off, unable to find the courage to finish his sentence.

You turned to him, your eyes searching his face with gentle concern. "Wish for what, König?"

He glanced away, his jaw tightening. "Nothing, just… idle thoughts," he replied evasively, his heart sinking with each passing moment of silence.

You reached out and gently touched his arm, your touch warm and reassuring. "König, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?"

He met your gaze, his heart racing. In that fleeting moment, he saw understanding and kindness reflected in your eyes—qualities that only deepened his love for you. But still, the weight of your respective stations kept him bound in silence.

"I know," he finally managed, forcing a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Thank you for your concern."

As you sat in the quiet beauty of the gardens, König's heart ached : he wanted nothing more than to whisk you away from the confines of palace life, to a place where you could be free to love each other without restraint. But for now, all he could do was cherish these stolen moments and guard his heart, hoping that someday, somehow, he might find the courage to reveal his deepest longing to you, the person he secretly adored.

you furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand him, tried to get him to spill just what was in his head “könig please. Tell me what’s wrong! As a friend tell me what’s wrong!” You whined, grabbing his arm and trying to get his attention. König grumbled a no, you sighed In frustration. You really didn’t want to do this to könig, especially since he was someone you considered to be a lover or a friend with benefits.

“könig as your princess and 2nd in line to the throne I command you talk!” you yelled, stomping your foot like a child. König gulped and looked sheepishly at you “w-well…” he muttered “I’ve been thinking… what if maybe.. just maybe… you’d like to run away with me.. run off and live in the forest with me in my cabin.. I know you hate being royal.. and I’d like to be able to call you my lover at home.. have someone to go home too. Of course I’d understand if you say no…” he asks with a nervous tone layered ontop of his Austrian accent

your face lit up “OH MY GOD YES OF COURSE! OF COURSE ILL-“ könig covered your mouth with his large hand “they’ll hear you… and I’ll get executed” he murmurs. You quietly settle back down “so.. is this a proposal to marry me?” You asked softly, könig looked at you for a moment then blinked, exhaling softly. “once I have a ring worthy enough for a princess I’ll get on one knee for you shatz” he grinned under his mask to you. You could tell he was smiling because of the way his blue eyes wrinkled under his mask.

later that night

The night had fallen softly over the palace, wrapping everything in a blanket of serene darkness. In the quiet solitude of König's chambers, you found yourselves nestled together on a plush couch by the crackling fireplace. The flickering flames cast dancing shadows across the room, creating an intimate sanctuary away from the world outside.

König's arms were wrapped around you, holding you close as if he never wanted to let go. His touch was warm and reassuring, a comforting anchor in the uncertainty of your escape plan and the tumultuous emotions swirling between you.

"You know," König murmured softly, his breath warm against your ear, "I never imagined finding this kind of peace amidst the chaos of palace life."

You smiled, snuggling deeper into his chest

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his lips lingering as if savoring the moment. “This is nice shatz," he admitted quietly, his voice tinged with vulnerability. "Just being able to hold you like this, without the weight of duty and expectations."

You traced circles on his chest with your fingertips, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your touch.

In the warmth of his arms, surrounded by the soft glow of the firelight, time seemed to stand still. There were no guards, no palace walls—just the two of you, lost in each other's presence and the promise of a love that defied the boundaries of their world.

König shifted slightly, adjusting so that you could rest more comfortably against him. His touch was tender yet possessive, a silent declaration of his desire to protect and cherish you. "I won't let anything happen to you," he murmured, his voice filled with determination. "Not now, not ever."

You tilted your head up to meet his gaze, seeing the sincerity and love reflected in his eyes. "I trust you, König," you whispered, your words carrying the weight of your unspoken feelings.

With a soft smile, he leaned down to capture your lips in a gentle kiss, a silent promise of his devotion. The kiss was tender and lingering, slowly you pulled away and smiled at him. Using your index finger to ‘boop’ his nose

as the night went on you and könig thought of ways to escape the palace

you settled into his embrace, the fire crackling softly, you looked around the chambers that he had currently been staying in to be closer to you while you two planned to escape.

As you nestled in König's arms, the warmth of the fire casting a soft glow over the room, the conversation shifted to more practical matters—their escape plan. With a quiet determination, König began outlining various strategies, his Austrian accent lending a certain charm to his words.

"We must be cautious," he began, his voice low but resolute. "The guards are vigilant, and any suspicion could screw us over”

You nodded, hanging on his every word as he laid out the details of their plan. His accent added an air of authority to his instructions.

"We'll need to move under the cover of darkness," König continued, his gaze intense as he met yours. "The courtyard will be our best chance of slipping past the guards unnoticed. But we must be sneaky and silent."

You listened intently, absorbing every detail as he spoke. There was a sense of urgency in his voice, a silent acknowledgment of the risks they faced and the importance of their mission.

"We'll gather our supplies tonight," he said, his tone firm. "Food, water, and anything else we may need for the journey ahead. We'll pack light, only taking what is absolutely necessary."

As he spoke, you couldn't help but admire the strength and determination in his demeanor. Despite the challenges that lay ahead, König remained steadfast, his resolve unwavering.

"We'll leave just before dawn," he concluded, his hand tightening around yours. "With any luck, we'll be long gone before the guards even realize we're missing."

You nodded, a sense of excitement building within you as the reality of their escape plan began to take shape. With König by your side, you felt a surge of confidence, knowing that together, you could overcome any obstacle that stood in their way.

As the fire crackled softly beside you, casting dancing shadows across the room, you leaned in closer to König, the warmth of his embrace enveloping you like a protective shield. In that moment, surrounded by the flickering firelight and the comforting presence of the man you loved.

#könig x reader #alpha könig #könig fanfiction #könig fluff #könig #könig cod #könig call of duty #Call of duty fanfiction #cod fanfic #call of duty fanfic #cod fluff #König x reader fluff #He’s so cute #könig cod fluff #Cod au #cod mw2 #cod modern warfare #call of duty

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clubdionysus · 6 months ago

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[BAD DECISION #36] DENIAL

warnings: drinking, star lovers (the drink), star lovers (the people), v wholesome! v lovely! loverboy jjk, the bday chapter

a/n: just one tonight 'cause im a bit pressed for time :( I'll upload some extra ones tomorrow hehe

wc: 9k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"Stay," Jeongguk lazily whines into his pillows, hair a tousled mess, skin clammy and glowing in the dusky haze of an early spring morning.

Light pours in through his unclosed curtains, the city intruding on your peaceful state of slumber, stealing you from the sanctuary of shared dreams. His arm is looped around your waist, your back to his chest.

He's keeping you close. Doesn't wanna do anything, just doesn't wanna be alone. More specifically, he doesn't want to be without you.

Is paralysed by a new fear, it would seem; one in which you leave.

He wants to keep moments like these bottled up. Safe. Unbreakable.

An empty bed is really nothing to fear, but he's had a taste now of you with someone else. Has seen you with another man. Has met your ex. The guy you once thought was your forever .

Jeongguk isn't sure that he's capable of thinking that far ahead, but he has watched The Notebook upwards of a hundred times with Jimin. When he thinks of Noah, he thinks of Allie, and when he thinks of Allie, he thinks of you.

See, Jeongguk is more than capable of thinking that far ahead.

It's just that he was trained by the girl who used to hold his heart that forever was a silly concept. It's a slow process, but gradually, he is unlearning it. He didn't ever get his heart back from her; instead a new one bloomed in his chest where the empty space once was. It's armoured, this time. Little squares of silver glass act as a protective casing.

If it were ever to break, the pain would be catastrophic. He might just die.

And so Jeongguk would like you to stay.

As much as you'd like to, you know you can't - Danbi and Hoseok have pre-booked you in for a 'friend date.' Under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to bail on it, even if it does mean leaving an incredibly sulky Jeongguk to survive his hangover alone.

You're not sure at which point last night you both decided that sex wasn't on the agenda. It was never discussed. Just never happened.

Instead, Jeongguk had kissed you.

Again, and again.

Until your lips were numb, and yet you could feel every deliberate coming together of your bodies. Soft declarations of affection, reserved only for the gentlest forms of love. Something of which you know better than pretend you could have with him.

It's well established, now, that Jeongguk is simply breaking down your intimacy boundaries. Is showing you that you can do all these things you deem to be intimate, without them actually having to mean what you think they do.

In theory, it's working. Kissing Jeongguk doesn't scare you.

In practice, Kissing Jeongguk does terrify you.

Not for the act itself. You do that willingly. Wantingly.

But for the fact that you're unable to think straight when you look at him, these days. It's not working. You can't separate the intimacy from the act, but you're so far gone now that it's almost impossible to go back, so instead you're stuck in this limbo.

You never want anything to change, but you're doing this all because you're trying to encourage change. It's fucked. Utterly, undeniably fucked.

These two entities - who you both are during the daytime, and who you both are when the sun goes down - are converging at rapid speed. It's getting harder to distinguish which is which.

All that's certain is that two orbiting stars will eventually, always, inevitably crash.

It's a countdown. Celestial union, or blackhole. Both feel equally terrifying.

Much better to pretend as if it isn't happening.

Easier.

"Can't," you whisper. Reinforce boundaries that have long since been broken. "Told you, I'm a busy girly. Book me in for a friend-date next time you wanna see me."

The phrasing is deliberate. A reminder of where you currently stand with one another, as declared by him more times than you care to remember.

"We had a night out," he sulks. "It automatically is a two-day affair. Always is."

"No, it's not," you softly laugh, getting out of his bed and finally putting your clothes back on. Your outfit from the night before is pretty basic, so you don't need to steal one of his shirts to protect your dignity. Disappointing .

You're out the door by midday, leaving Jeongguk to fester in his hangover pit alone - of which he does. For hours .

It's partially the hangover. Mainly the fear-induced paralysis that has overtaken his body. All he can do is stare up at the birds and wonder how the fuck it got to this point.

By the time Taehyung shows up at Jeongguk and Jimin's place that evening, Jeongguk's wearing clothes. Has managed to go a whole thirty minutes without complaining about his hangover. It's a record. Jimin knows. He's been counting.

It's bad. Skull-splitting, eye-dehydrating kinda bad. A hangover he wouldn't wish upon his own worst enemy.

This is a lie.

He wishes Seokjin nothing but hangover headaches for the rest of eternity. Scowls when he thinks about Seokjin. The tension of his muscles further exacerbates his headache. He knows it serves him right for thinking such negative thoughts - but as far as he's concerned, it's just another to be annoyed at Seokjin for. Prick.

Throughout the day, you've sent him pictures of your incredibly sorry state - glitter everywhere, hair piled on top of your head. Kind of matches his hair, of which is still tied in a scrunchie that you'd put him in the night before.

The last picture you'd sent through had dropped into his inbox fifteen minutes ago. Was read immediately.

Carrying a soda the size of your face, you're with Danbi and Hoseok, as promised, heading into a movie theatre downtown. He can't remember what you'd said you were seeing. Some superhero movie, he thinks, that he knows he'd care way more about if he didn't feel like such ass.

In fact, Jeongguk thinks he'd rather die than be at a movie theatre right now - but he also does like the idea of a dark room right now. Perhaps you aren't entirely insane.

Jimin had insisted on something 'healthy' to get Jeongguk out of his hangover slump, which is why, as Taehyung chucks his coat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen, he's stuffing his face with a chicken teriyaki wrap.

"Fuck me," Taehyung laughs. "A little worse for wear?"

Jeongguk just grunts. Hair all over the place, still haphazardly half-tied up by one of your scrunchies, he's covered in glitter.

There's no mistaking who he spent the night with - not that he cares to hide it. Can easily explain that you put the glitter on him, if anyone asks. The scrunchie, too. And if they don't? Fine. Let them assume what they like.

"How's DB?" Taehyung follows up, stealing a little lettuce from the chopping board, before plonking himself down next to Jeongguk - which earns another groan.

"Fine," he says through a mouthful of chicken and tortilla wrap. It really is not his finest hour. "Said she wanted to die just before they got to the cinema, so I'm sure she's gonna have a great time."

Funny, how those little phrases and intricacies of your identities seem to weave together these days. You're apparently constantly on the verge of death, and he's perpetually covered in glitter. Quite the pair, you make.

"S'pose that's what birthday weekends are for, aren't they?" Taehyung shrugs, not really thinking much of it, and not noticing the way Jeongguk seems to freeze.

Mouth full, wrap in hands, he almost chokes.

Jimin just asks, "It's Danbi's birthday? Why didn't you mention it? We could have-"

"Oh, no. It's not," Tae says, narrowing his eyes in confusion. He tilts his head. Why on earth would Jimin assume that?

The confusion is contagious. Not a single one of them understands exactly what's happening.

"Danbi's birthday isn't until the summer," Tae continues, a little caution in his tone. Has had it in his calendar since the first date. Is already planning a trip away for them both. Looks at Jeongguk, who is still frozen in position, like a frame in a cartoon that the animators forgot about. And then, he realises. "Gguk..."

"Oh, fuck," Jeongguk says. It's a miracle he doesn't choke, mouth still half full, even if he has tossed the rest of the wrap back down onto his plate.

The penny drops slowly, and then all at once.

"Oh, holy shit," Jimin says, getting to his feet, 'cause apparently the shock is that severe.

"You didn't..." Taehyung gasps, not finishing his question. "Gguk!"

"I didn't!" Jeongguk insists, swallowing down the bite of his wrap that had been suspended in his mouth for far too long.

And he really didn't - didn't forget , that is.

You've never told him your birthday. He's never asked.

"Fuck."

"Fuck," Jimin parrots.

"Fuck," Tae also echoes, but adds, "Dude... what the fuck?!"

Jeongguk stands. Begins to pace. Moves his hands in bizarre little motions as if he's trying to piece everything together.

Not once have you ever told him your birthday, he thinks.

"I swear, she never mentioned it," Jeongguk whines.

And he's right.

You haven't.

It's not without reason.

In a few short weeks time, it'll be a year since your first purple starfucker.

Though it was Hoseok's break-up you'd been commiserating, your own hadn't long since passed. The wounds still stung and it was better to lick salt off the back of your hand before a tequila shot than it was to sprinkle it in your emotional damage instead.

Drowning your sorrows had led you to Dionysus, your heart break just as fresh as the lemon that followed the tequila shots. The bitterness of the fruit didn't compare to the bitterness in your heart.

Hardly a surprise, though.

Break-ups are never easy - just like forgotten birthdays are always sad.

When your boyfriend asked to reschedule dinner plans and then showed up to your apartment at just gone midnight with no apology? No realisation of what he'd done so terribly wrong? A little ruby red rouge on his earlobe that you both knew came from the lips of someone else?

Oh, it was tragic .

Counter arguments of 'if it meant so much to you, why didn't you remind me?' frustratingly cursed in the dead of night, and pleas of 'I shouldn't have to beg you to give a shit about me' framed your demise.

And so Jeongguk has never experienced your birthday. Can't forget it, if he never knew it, you theorise. Not like Seokjin should have done.

Jeongguk doesn't know the flavour of cake you'd pick, or if cake is something you even choose to have on your birthday. He doesn't know how you do your makeup, 'cause he knows most girls go for glitter on their special day - but by that metric, every day would be your birthday.

You're thankful to have not had to discuss it. Part of the reason you like spending time with Jeongguk is the fact that he lets you forget ghosts of the past - and this time last year does still, regretfully, haunt you.

It's not like you properly celebrated Jeongguk's birthday with him, either.

Granted, it had been a boy's night - and a pretty quiet one, at that - but still. It was six months ago, though. Longer, in fact. So much has transpired since then.

The entire fabric of your friendship has been embroidered and embellished to the point of it being unrecognisable. What once was cheap tulle is now layers upon layers of glittering, sequin-emblazoned material, stitched with the finest of threads. There are constellations in your hems, and stardust between the seams. One of a kind. Impossible to replicate. Many will try; all will fail.

"Was it today? Yesterday?!" Jeongguk frantically asks Taehyung, 'cause he seemingly knows more. This acknowledgement pisses Jeongguk off. He should know this shit. Taehyung shouldn't. "How do you know?!"

"There's a bunch of birthday cards in their apartment-"

"Fuck," Jeongguk groans.

"Was literally yesterday-"

"YESTERDAY?" Jeongguk shrieks. Stops dead in his tracks.

If the Rock, Paper, Scissors battle had gone a little differently, he'd have known.

If he'd have insisted on taking you home, he'd have known.

So many tiny, meaningless decisions had led you back to his place last night. If he'd have been wiser or smarter, maybe he'd have realised. Maybe you had been giving him signals, and maybe he had missed them all.

And then his mind is jumping from conclusion to conclusion.

Did Seojoon know? Had he gotten you a gift? Oh, God. It's all so fucked.

But then he's thinking about Seokjin. Has seen white roses and a calling card on more than one occasion. Not for a while, granted, but he also saw the look on Seokjin's face when he'd insinuated that you'd moved on.

"Roses," he panics. Looks at Taehyung with such horror in his eyes, that it's a miracle he doesn't burst a blood vessel. "White roses. Were there any at their place?!"

"I don't think so?" Taehyung guesses, trying to remember what the apartment looked like when he last left. "I mean, I don't remember noticing any."

Jeongguk nods. Puffs out a breath from his marshmallow cheeks. Holds his knees as he keels over a little, body ravaged by a stress he doesn't quite understand. He resumes his posture a little too quickly, the pain of his hangover shooting straight back to his brain.

"Right. Shit," he curses. Then curses a couple more times. Pushes his hand back through his hair and then looks at his friends.

Though they're both well aware that missing a birthday is never good, Taehyung and Jimin are surprised at just how badly Jeongguk is taking this.

Feeling bad is one thing. Looking like he's just committed crimes worthy of jail time? A little excessive.

As Jimin smirks, Jeongguk snaps, "What?"

"Nothing. You're just acting like-"

"Don't," Jeongguk warns.

"-You're in love with her, or something."

He doesn't deny it.

Just rolls his eyes. Doesn't have time to waste debating the true nature of his feelings right now - especially not when he knows Jimin would never believe his denials, regardless.

"She never told me," Jeongguk steers the conversation away from matters of the heart. Wants to focus on logic instead. "Was with her all evening, and she literally didn't mention it once."

He explains the night before. Leaves out the part where you were his favourite date of the evening. Also leaves out the part where he held your hand on the entire cab ride home, and the way he'd kissed you once you were finally in the confines of his room.

There were no expectations; no illusion that it would lead to anything beyond a kiss.

And it didn't.

He'd kissed you just to kiss you. Slowly. Intentionally. Kept his dick well away, 'cause he knows how often the pair of you escalate things beyond the point of no return.

It had confused you at first. Made you worry a little - but the way he encouraged you back in whenever you pulled away let you know just how deliberate he was being.

"Shut up," Jeongguk had smiled into your lips when you'd given a small hum of perplexion. "Just kiss me."

And now he's standing in the living room, stroking at his bottom lip as if he's trying to remember the way you felt; if the poutiness has been from pleasure or disappointment.

"Okay. So?" Jimin just shrugs. Really does think Jeongguk should chill out a little, but knows that he won't. "She must have not wanted you to know."

Jeongguk doesn't like this. Scowls. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Some people just don't like birthdays," he shrugs again.

"Nah, Danbi baked her a cake," Taehyung interjects. Laughs to himself. Is disgustingly fond. "Danbi is great at many things, but baking is not one of them. I don't think she would have gone to all of that effort if DB doesn't like birthdays."

Just one look at you is enough to know that you're the kind of girl who enjoys birthdays. Of course you do. The pomp and pandemonium of party poppers? How could you not enjoy such occasions?

"Fuck," Jeongguk curses as he begins to pace once more.

On the one hand, it's not the end of the world - but on the other, he feels awful that he didn't make a fuss. Didn't get you a present.

But then there is also the worry - what if you had told him? What if he's just forgotten? What if the only reason you didn't mention it was because you wanted to see if he remembered?

The aching lull of his hangover subsides. Is overthrown by the stress of failure.

Jeongguk is uncertain as to whether or not you like surprise parties - but he does know the effort you went to for his final exam celebrations. Knows that what you did for him is likely the sort of thing you'd like to be done for yourself.

After all, people show their love in the ways they wish for it to be reciprocated. You're both acts of service kinda lovers. Nothing is too much trouble. Anything to make the lives of the people you care about easier. Better. Happier.

"Okay," Jeongguk eventually sighs as thoughts begin to formulate. "We need to do something."

We ? They think, but don't voice. This is not a group project. This is a Jeongguk thing.

"Yeah," he thinks out loud, totally in his own world. Jimin and Taehyung watch on as he triumphantly nods to himself. "Do something. Okay. Fuck. Do what? What would B like? Fuck."

And then he groans. Throw his head back. The motion is a little too fast. His hangover pounds, reminding him of his fragile state - so he reaches for the chicken wrap he was half-way through demolishing when Taehyung dropped the birthday bomb on him. A little bit of brain food will surely do him good.

"You know her better than us, mate," Taehyung shrugs. Knows what he'd do for Danbi, but also knows Danbi is the type to arrange her own surprise party. "You're the best judge. You and DB are basically attached at the hip these days."

"Okay, one - no we're not," Jeongguk scoffs.

"Yeah, you are," Jimin objects through a mouthful of chicken. Is glad he's not the only one who's noticed. Yoongi's been so busy with wedding preparations recently that he's not been around to shake his head in despair at you both.

"We're not," Jeongguk insists.

"Danbi reckons you are-"

"Oh my god, let me breathe," Jeongguk whines. Rolls his eyes. " You're the one who's always with Danbi."

Taehyung smirks. Raises a brow. "Yeah? She's my girlfriend, Gguk."

The silence that follows is left vacant by Jeongguk. There's no response he could possibly give that would convince either of his friends that he doesn't feel a certain type of way about you.

It's written all over his face whenever you walk into the room; how Jeongguk fucking glows in your presence, glitter sparking on his once pristine skin. You've corrupted him, and he hates to imagine life in which he doesn't notice specs of glitter on his skin in the early morning light. He's a better man for knowing you. He thinks his friends would agree.

Undeniably, they would.

"Whatever," he eventually dismisses. Sighs. "How the fuck do you throw a party for the living personification of a disco ball?"

"Maybe you don't," Jimin suggests. "Maybe she is the party."

Jeongguk isn't sure what Jimin means by this. "Huh?"

"I don't know," Jimin admits. "Just thought it sounded cool. Disco balls are, like, the centre of everything, right?"

He's not wrong - at least not in a party setting. The disco ball you'd been gifted for Secret Santa is proudly hung up in your bedroom, and whenever the light hits it right, the walls are dappled in the most glorious of sparkles.

You really are the embodiment of one, Jeongguk thinks.

And as if he's just been hit with a dozen speckles of refracted light, Jeongguk gets an idea.

"Tae, have you got the code for their place?" He frantically asks, to which his friend nods.

Jeongguk has your door code, too. Knows it from the times you've invited him over and told him to just let himself in. Doesn't want to admit to that, though, which is why he asked Taehyung.

"Okay, text Danbi," Jeongguk says. "We're breaking in."

"We?!" Jimin exclaims. "I'm not breaking the law just so you can get your dick wet-"

"Jimin!"

"What?" He feigns innocence, as if he's not airing Jeongguk out like a freshly washed load of laundry.

"This is not about getting my dick wet," Jeongguk says in disbelief. "We don't even fuck-"

"Bullshit."

"-And shut up, she's your friend, too. We're all breaking the law, because that's what friends do for one another."

"We literally all know you fuck. You've got an incredibly warped sense of friendship, Jeongguk," Jimin assures him. "And committing crimes definitely doesn't fall under the dictionary definition of it, either."

"It's not breaking the law if I've got the code," Taehyung interjects, though if he's being honest, he's not really sure of the law. Just assumes it's fine. "What are we doing, though? Why are we breaking in?"

Jeongguk declines to answer. Instead, says, "Text Danbi. Tell her we're going there. They'll easily be another, what, two hours? At the cinema, right?"

Shrugging, Taehyung supposes that the timeframe is probably accurate.

"Okay," Jeongguk nods, head down, brain trying to order things succinctly. "Let me just shower really quickly. How far out is the place you get your art supplies from, Tae?"

"About forty minutes," he explains. Jeongguk's been with him a couple of times. It's always been Taehyung driving on those occasions though, so he doesn't really remember the location. "It's on their side of the city."

The plan is beginning to formulate in Jeongguk's head. Dots are connected. One big idea is trickling down into achievable steps.

"Alright. If I give you a list, can you run there and pick some things up? Jimin, you good to come with me to their apartment? To set things up?"

He doesn't elaborate on any of his plans. Will just waste time if he does - and the boys know not to delay a frantic Jeongguk. Will just make him even more irritable, and he's unbearable enough with a hangover.

"You didn't throw me a party," Jimin huffs - but is reminded that Jeongguk did in fact pay the bar tab for a night of extremely heavy drinking in Dionysus, instead. A week's salary? Pissed away. "Yeah, fair enough."

"Anyways," Jeongguk adds. "This isn't gonna be a party. Just us three and those three, I think. It's a bit too last minute for anything big."

"What about Nabi? Hayun?" Taehyung innocently asks - but the glare thrown his way by Jeongguk for even thinking to ask such a question says everything he needs to know. Eyes wide, a soft smile on his lips, Taehyung holds his hands up. "Hey, was just asking!"

"Well, don't," Jeongguk offers.

There's an ambiguity to Hayun's place in Jeongguk's life, these days. A couple instagram reels sit unopened in his inbox from her, 'cause he doesn't care to entertain her. The last time he'd seen her was at the surprise party you threw after his exam. The same one he left early, 'cause you weren't there and it made him feel all funny inside.

On occasion, he wonders if he's being too harsh. Wonders if maybe he should just talk to her; explain that he's not the guy he was. No better, no worse. Just different.

"She said you've been ignoring her," Taehyung adds. Doesn't doubt it.

"We've just got nothing to talk about these days." Jeongguk shrugs. He's in no mood to even so much as think about Hayun. This weekend is yours. Thoughts about her aren't welcome. "Anyways, doesn't matter. She's not Byeol's friend. There's no need for her to be there."

Taehyung pushes it no further. Respects Jeongguk's reasoning.

"Right you are. Give me your list before your shower," he says, wanting to get a head start on whatever it is Jeongguk's got planned. Doesn't wanna be the reason it fails. Knows Jeongguk seems to have a lot of emotion riding on this, and he wants his friend to succeed. Thinks it's about time a little happiness came his way.

Just like Danbi thinks you deserve it, too - which is why she insisted on going straight home after the cinema. The plan had been to go for a drink, or grab food - but Taehyung's slightly ambiguous but very desperate texts were all she needed to see to change the plan.

"Careful," Danbi laughs with you as you meander up the stairs to your apartment, a little uneasy on your feet because you're still feeling a bit rough. Popcorn tub in hand, you've barely touched it - which is unheard for you. No matter how large the serving size is, you nearly always finish it before the films even started.

You just couldn't hack it today. Put it down to the hangover. The sweet scent of the popcorn usually has you salivating, but it made you feel slightly sick today.

"If you don't want it, I'll have it," Hoseok offers, not wanting it to go to waste. He's already demolished his own popcorn and half of Danbi's. Just loves it. Think it's the closest thing humans have got to magic.

"Not so fast!" You say. "I will eat it - just need my stomach to settle."

It's the only big symptom of your hangover that's still lingering. Usually, it's your headache that is the most stubborn - but the surround sound of the cinema bullied that right out of you. Showed no mercy. Forced you to confront it head-on.

"If you let it go stale before you let me have it, I'll end the friendship," he warns - and you do know he'll absolutely be a baby about it. Will most definitely have a little tantrum, but nothing that would serve to end your friendship. He might just not share his own food for a few weeks.

"I won't," you insist. "And hey - it's my birthday weekend. You can't be giving me ultimatums like this, Hobes. Totally unfair. You should be, like, worshipping the ground I walk on."

Danbi checks her phone as you and Hoseok babble nonsensically, tailing just a little behind you to make sure you don't see her message thread. Sends one to Taehyung.

Home soon x

It's reiterated to Jeongguk and Jimin, who quickly get into formation - which is really just a straight line blocking the view of the coffee table.

Nibbling down on his bottom lip, there's really no need for Jeongguk to feel such anxiety - it's just that he knows he shouldn't know about your birthday. Knows he shouldn't be in your apartment right now. Knows you won't be expecting this. Knows that he runs the risk of upsetting you, just in case there's a more substantial reason as to why you withheld your birthday from him.

"Fuck," he whispers, hearing the three of you amble up the stairs. "Do you think we should go?"

"Gguk," Taehyung deadpans. "It's a bit late for that."

"I know but-"

"Shush," Jimin laughs, as the sound of your conversation grows closer. "They're near."

Nodding, Jeongguk does as he's told, bottom lip kept stable beneath his top row of teeth. Tongue toying slightly with his lip ring, he doesn't even know how to explain what you're about to walk into. Decides it's better to just simply stop thinking at all.

The beep of your door code being entered echoes the thump of his heart, until the lock clicks. Bolt retracts. The door is pulled open, and Jimin counts a quiet, 3, 2, 1.

The way in which all three of them - Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung - burst into a chorus of 'happy birthday to you' is comical - all singing at slightly different tunes, volumes, and tempos. It's a jumbled mess, and they all refer to you by different names - but as you stand with a bemused smile by your door, Jeongguk knows it's worth it.

And finally, he begins to smile, too.

The anxiety and nerves are replaced with the unadulterated joy that comes with seeing you - and given the way you had said goodbye to him earlier that morning, he's glad that you seem equally as pleased to see him.

It's not that you'd had an unpleasant goodbye. Not in the slightest. If anything, it was too pleasant.

Jimin hadn't yet woken. The pair of you had been standing in his doorway; you fully dressed and ready to go, Jeongguk in a pair of sweats and nothing else, save for the scrunchie of yours still in his hair.

The pair of you had been a mess of giggles and 'go,' despite him pulling you back. 'I'll text you later' and knowing nods, but then 'wait, come back.' Grabbed waists and stolen kisses that neither of you had any business taking from one another. So many kisses. Pretty, dainty kisses, on his pretty, darling lips.

He'd held your hand as you walked away from him for the final time. Was a broken man when you eventually let it fall from your grasp, turning around with a coy smile as you headed for his elevator.

Glitter in his dishevelled hair, stars in his dark brown eyes, Jeongguk had been everything . Had been the boy next door, with his sweet giggles and appled cheeks. Had been the bad boy you know you should stay away from, with his messy locks and tattooed skin. Had been the mirror of you, with his glitter-covered skin and love-drunk gaze of adoration.

You'd spent a great deal of your time in the cinema fretting over it. Overanalyzing. Overthinking.

What if it was too much? What if he knew just how violently the butterflies had been swarming in your diaphragm? What if he'd just been reciprocating your actions because he hadn't wanted to make you feel bad?

Yet when you see him now, you know that none of those questions, nor their answers matter. Whatever is happening between you both simply doesn't matter.

You don't want clarification. Don't want to open yourself up to hurt. Just want things to stay exactly as they are.

Funny, really, how Jeongguk had been fretting just the same. Worrying that he had done too much. Is aware of how deeply intimate you regarded kisses to be. Should have held back. Should have fucked you last night. Should have done a bird. Stuck to the rules.

Instead, he had just kissed you.

Is well aware of the message it sends. Has been worrying that it perhaps isn't a message you wish to receive. Still doesn't know for sure - but knows that he'd like to keep things exactly as they are.

Just like you do.

Might be reading different books, but you're on the same page. It's like being in a mysterious book club. Just gotta wait until one of you decides to read aloud - but neither of you wants to be the first to go.

"What is this?" You laugh, utterly confused by everything in front of you.

Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung stand in a row, adorned in the silliest of photo booth props - party hats, feather boas, novelty glasses. The room around them is dressed to the nines - steamers, lights, bunting, things hanging from the ceiling - and there are half a dozen packets of polaroid film for your camera.

"It's your birthday party," Jeongguk says a little shyly. Looks behind himself, as if to check it's all still there. Smiles when he looks at you again. "You really thought you could get away with it, huh?"

Puffing your cheeks out with a little air, you scrunch up your face, surprised that he's scolding you - albeit very playfully - in front of other people. Flirts like this are typically reserved for your time spent alone together.

"Don't know what you mean," you smile, as Danbi and Hoseok encourage you further into the room. Looking around, you can't hide just how touched you are by the chaos surrounding you. There's something new, something different everywhere you look. "This is insane."

And it's only even more overwhelming when the boys part ways, and reveal the coffee table to you. On it are a dozen different papier mache shapes - Roman letters for your initials, ambiguous animals, and different-sized spheres - and what must be thousands of tiny mirrored squares. There are adhesives in abundance. Everything you need to make your very own disco balls - or some sort of iteration, at least.

"Guys," you say softly, appreciation lacing your voice. Have stars in your eyes, not just around them. "What is all this?"

When you pout in their direction, hands over your heart, Jeongguk thinks it looks like you might cry. Hopes you won't. Fears you will. Pulls you in for a hug to remedy it. The rest of your friends talk amongst themselves. Greet one another. Enthuse over the state of the place. Give you guys a second to one another.

"What the fuck?" You laugh softly into his chest. "Gguk, you didn't have-"

"Shut up," he smiles. Presses a kiss against your hair. Is discrete enough that no one notices. Smiles. "It was your fucking birthday , B."

"So?"

"So," he emphasises as he pulls away, holding your shoulders. "Birthdays aren't about the birthday person. Not really."

"No?" You laugh.

He beams. "Nope. They're for the people who love the birthday person."

It shouldn't come as a surprise that your best friend loves you. It should be expected. Shouldn't make you feel the way that it does. Oh, it's all so beautifully fucked.

"Kinda like a funeral," Jeongguk ponders out loud, not dwelling on the unintentional mention of love. "They're a time to show appreciation for the deceased. Birthdays are just the same."

Laughing, you shake your head, and let him manhandle you a little further into the room to have a better look around. "I don't think birthdays and funerals are that similar."

"Well," Jeongguk says. "You didn't tell me about your birthday, and I doubt you'll be the one telling me about your funeral, either. So they'll be similar in that regard."

Cringing, your shoulders tense slightly. Jeongguk simply rubs them, easing your awkwardness. "You've got a point."

"I know I do," Jeongguk laughs. Drops his hold on your shoulders to grab you a glass of the premade drinks. There are six of them. Long, not short. Purple. Raising your brow as you accept it, Jeongguk nods. Confirms your assumptions. "The long version of a star fucker. Star lover, I think we called it."

Fitting .

Joining your friends to sit around the coffee table on the floor, music humming from the speaker, you're lost for words.

There are no actual words that can be used to express your gratitude, you think. Nothing you can say to articulate how much this means to you.

"How did you even plan all of this?" You laugh, unable to contain your happiness.

"Don't look at us," Jimin laughs right back. Nods over to Jeongguk. "He's the mastermind, over there."

Glancing across to Jeongguk, you can't help but let yourself indulge in the nonsensical idea that his starry eyes are reserved for you, and you alone. He shrugs.

"You didn't give me much choice," he asserts.

"Wait," Hoseok interrupts, finally piecing it all together. Had just been in a bemused state of 'what the fuck' since arriving. Looks at you with horror. "You didn't tell him it was your birthday?!"

Awkwardly scrunching your face up, you shake your head. "I just didn't wanna be a bother."

It's not entirely a lie, but it is also an incredibly superficial explanation. There are layers to your reluctance to share your birthday with Jeongguk. Reasons. Past disappointments. Ones that Hoseok and Danbi are well aware of.

Even though he thinks of it, Hoseok doesn't mention last year. Doesn't reiterate his opinion of Seokjin being a heinous asshole for what he did.

Instead, he accepts your answer. Does tell you that you're an idiot, though.

"Hey," you whine. "It's my birthday weekend. You have to be nice."

"He's right, though," Jeongguk backs him up.

The smile he gives you is fond. Could call you the nastiest names he likes, but with a gaze like that? All you'd hear is a sweet melody reserved just for you, sung only by him.

Laughter echoes around the room as the evening settles in. All opting for slightly different shapes, your disco balls are truly an embodiment of who you are. Danbi is decorating a T, and Taehyung is decorating a D. It's all very vom-inducing - but they're too sweet for you to take the piss.

Jimin does it enough for everyone, anyway. Tells them that they're the most disgusting couple he's ever known.

Funny, how this attestation makes Jeongguk glance in your direction. Wonders what he'd think of you two as a couple. Knows that he'd probably also think you were disgusting if he saw how the pair of you behave together, sometimes.

Hoseok has gone for one of the animals. It's just the head. Can't decide if it's a cat or a dog, but decides it doesn't matter. Tells everyone it's definitely a squirrel. Nobody else can see his vision.

Jimin was going to do a J, but upon seeing Danbi and Taehyung's couple letters, opted for a cube instead. Disco balls go against all of his interior design desires, but he'll make an exception for you.

Traditional in his choice, Jeongguk is painstakingly trying to perfect an actual disco ball. Chose the second biggest size. Wanted to do the biggest one, but also wanted to use this as a practice run. Maybe he'll make a hobby out of restoring broken disco balls.

Beside him, you're also doing a sphere - just a much smaller one. Cuter. Daintier.

"That's so unfair," Jeongguk pouts when you finish your first row of mirrored squares. He's barely even begun. Wishes he'd set his sights on something smaller.

"Go big or go home," you remind him - then head to the fridge to get the jug of Jeongguk's special cocktail. Topping up everyone's glasses, you know exactly how this night is gonna go - and you couldn't be more pleased.

"You're trying to get me drunk," Jeongguk grins when you finally reach his glass. "Trying to sabotage my disco ball making skills, aren't you?"

"I'm doing nothing of the sorts," you assure him - but honestly, you think the imperfections, if any, would only add to the charm. "You made the drink. It's on you if you can't handle it."

"Oh fuck off," he laughs, challenged. Takes a sip. A really fucking big sip. Nearly finishes it. "I'm a bartender, baby. I can handle it."

Laughing, you pretend to have not heard the way he just called you baby. He was just messing around. Didn't mean it.

"Sure you can," you tease, filling his drink back up. And so he repeats it. Half-flirting, half-competing against nobody. And so you top his drink right back up again. "Someone's got something to prove."

A second night of drinking in a row isn't what you'd been anticipating, but you welcome it. Think that you need a couple of drinks to handle the confusion of how you're feeling.

As the disco ball construction descends into chaos, and no one is quite able to get the spacing or positioning just right, you realise that this is the magic of a disco ball; how the broken can still be beautiful.

Yet when you look at your small creation, you're pleased. Sure, the lines are a little uncoordinated. There's a wibble wobble here and there - but it's yours .

Danbi and Taehyung manage to make theirs look pretty good, and Jimin's isn't too bad either.

Hoseok protests. Say they had it way easier.

"You chose that shape," Jimin laughs. "Don't blame us!"

For all of his artistic talents, disco ball crafting is not one of Hoseok's. It might also be that he's had six of Jeongguk's little cocktails.

He's had to remake the cocktail twice already, given how frequently you're all topping up for glasses from the jug. It's gonna be a messy night - but for once, there's no uncertainty over whether or not Jeongguk will be going home with you, for he's already here.

"It's my day off," Jeongguk jokes on the third remake. "Should be paying me."

"I'll make it up to you," you quietly promise him with a smirk, out of earshot from your friends.

He looks at you with inquisitive eyes as if to question what on earth you could possibly mean by that - and decides he's better off not questioning it. Will revel in the ambiguity of whatever the fuck is going on between you. Enjoys the flirt too much, especially when he's a little tipsy.

"Wait, wait - a little to the left!" Danbi instructs Taehyung as they begin to string up the makeshift disco balls in the meantime.

It's a labour of love, but it's worthwhile. Eventually, one by one, all of the creations take their rightful place, haphazardly tacked to the ceiling with tape that's a fair amount stronger than Jeongguk's washi tape. The sunset lamp you and Danbi rarely use is turned on. Pretty pink and peach reflections cascade all over the walls, dappling you all, too.

The clandestine touch of your hands as you pose for pictures is hidden from your friends.

There's an awareness that the way in which you're behaving is not normal of friends; that the lines between who you think you are, and who you truly are, have become blurred. There's a giddy silliness to it all, and it's why neither of you want it to stop. Childish, and stupid, it may be - but it's freeing, too. A farewell to the expectations that have kept you both in boxes for so long.

By the time you've drunk home bar dry, Hoseok is already asleep, and Jimin isn't too far behind. They're crashing in the living room, so you fetch their duvets and bedding, while instructing Jeongguk to go to your room.

"I can sleep out here," he offers. Doesn't wanna make things awkward for you - but you shake your head.

"Always save on the heating bill when you're here," you tell him. It's not a lie. It's also not why you want him in your room, either.

Thing is, you're both fucked. Jeongguk's mixing was getting stronger and stronger with each new pitcher. There's nothing either you can do to fight the drunken sleep that takes over as soon as you're beneath your sheets.

It makes it even more shocking that when you wake up the next morning, you're without a headache. If anything, you feel worlds better than you did the morning before and it worries you. Likely means that you'll crash later on in the day.

Jeongguk's not awake, so you slip out to grab water for you both. It's still dark, curtains drawn, but you can see light seeping in through the cracks. There are no curtains in your living room, and your phone is dead so you've no idea of the time. Dread to think of how long Jimin and Hoseok might have been awake.

"Oh, holy shit," you whisper in surprise as you walk into the living room, greeted by Jimin, sitting on your couch like a meerkat, posture perfect. He's wrapped in a soft blanket, face puffy from last night's lack of water and abundance of vodka.

"Mornin' DB," he croaks, channelling his best ET. Keeps his eyes glued to the television - where Allie and Noah are talking about birds.

"Notebook?" You ask, not that he needs to answer. You've watched more times since you've met Jimin than you have in your entire life.

He nods. Croaks. "You got any paracetamol? Dunno what Jeongguk put in those drinks but I think he might have been trying to kill me."

Before you can answer, a sleepy and dishevelled Jeongguk emerges from your room, shaking his hair out with his hand. He yawns, and says, "I was."

"Knew it," Jimin groans, flopping down to lie on the sofa. He's really not made for hangovers. "What were we even drinking?"

Jeongguk comes to stand beside you, hand on your hip as he reaches around to grab the phone charger plugged into the socket by the toaster. Speaks to Jimin as if he's not driving you insane. "Star Lovers."

He cements the name. Gives it delineation. A place in your life. Squeezes your hip as he says it. Wonders if you notice. If you're aware of his intentions.

You are - you just tell yourself he doesn't realise what he's doing.

"Tae and Danbi up yet?" You ask. Jimin just grunts. Is obviously feeling just like Jeongguk did the night before. "Where's Hobes?"

From the bathroom, you hear another grunt.

"You good?" You laugh, calling through to your fallen friend.

Another grunt.

"Put you down as a maybe," you say, but get him a Powerade from the fridge regardless. Pass it over to Jeongguk. "Can you give him this?"

Jeongguk looks at you with a little confusion.

"Don't wanna walk in on him if he's got his cock out," you say. In the past? Probably wouldn't have phased you. Now? Still wouldn't - but you don't wanna have to witness anyone else's cock right in front of Jeongguk, for some reason.

"Well, nor do I!" He protests, and passes it right back.

"Cock's not out," Hoseok whines from the bathroom. "Gimme fuel."

You narrow your eyes at Jeongguk, then proceed to deliver Hoseok's drink, only to nearly fall over laughing at his sorry state. He had somehow managed to retrieve his disco ball in the night, and is now hugging his ambiguous animal head tight to his chest, curled up around the toilet bowl.

"Think you killed our friends," you tell Jeongguk when you retreat to your bedroom, toothbrush in your mouth.

Jeongguk sits on your bed, shirt off, duvet pooled around his waist. Hair a mass, a lazily lopsided grin on his face, he's sin in the most heavenly of ways.

He shakes his head. Declares innocence. "They did it to themselves."

Now you shake your head. "You assisted."

"You're alive," he says. Is chancing his luck. Looks ever so pretty as he does so. "And I'm pretty sure you drank just as much as they did - so it's their fault. Not mine."

Humming some sort of disagreement, you leave the room to go and spit out your toothpaste, hopping over a still half-alive Hoseok.

When you return, Jeongguk's looking through some of the polaroids from the night before. You've no idea how many were taken - but imagine most of the new film is ruined with extreme closeups of Jimin and Hoseok's faces. They were doing that for, like, maybe ten whole minutes.

"Look at this one," he smiles, passing it over to you. "You should keep it safe."

It's one of you and Danbi, caught off guard, giggling about something. You rarely have pictures together - spend your time enjoying the moment instead of preserving it - so to have such a candid moment is precious.

Joining him on the bed, you don't really think much of the way you're sitting; staddled over his legs, looking down to where the pictures are on his lap.

"Hello," he says quietly.

"Hi," you whisper back.

"Come here often?"

"More than I should," you smirk, the double entendre dangerous for you both.

And yet Jeongguk licks his lips. Looks down to yours. Is shameless as he says, "Not enough. You should come here all the time."

"Well it's not like I 'come' anywhere else," you shrug, then cheekily correct yourself. "Sorry, not like I 'go' anywhere else."

Jeongguk is about to flirt back, but is thrown off by the way your body suddenly jerks a little.

Sucking air between your teeth, your hand presses against your abdomen. The swift pang of discomfort isn't unusual. You have ovaries. They don't always play ball. It's not the end of the world.

"You good?" Jeongguk asks, cocking an eyebrow. Strokes your hip. Wants to soothe whatever is wrong.

Nodding, you sweep aside his concern. "All good."

He doesn't buy it. "What's up?"

"Nothing," you insist - and you genuinely mean it. A skipped month here and there really comes as no surprise. Your body isn't a machine. Sometimes it doesn't do what you expect it to, but for the most part, you're fine.

It's not until Jeongguk's brows furrow, head tilting, that you think perhaps you should be concerned.

"When did you last-"

"It's fine," you dismiss immediately, not really wanting to discuss your menstrual cycle as a form of foreplay.

Your body just does this occasionally. Nothing feels out of the ordinary. The pain was a little sharper than usual, granted, but you were also drinking the night before. Your liver is probably throwing a tantrum.

"B, don't fuck around with shit like this," Jeongguk says, his tone not one you're used to hearing. It's direct. Stern. A little sexy, if you're being honest, but the look on his face would suggest now is not the time for a little flirt.

"I promise," you say instead, giving him a soft smile, hands cupping his jaw. "If I thought anything was wrong, I'd be the first to freak out. Just a couple days late. No biggie."

Jeongguk nods. Is seemingly soothed by your touch. Knows that what you're saying is likely true. Knows that you'd have already been to a pharmacy by now, if you had any reason to believe your skipped period was the result of his cock.

"If anything happens..." Jeongguk starts, but trails off. You wait it out. Let him gather his thoughts - of which he eventually does. "Just let me know when you get your period, m'kay?"

With a nod, you promise you will. "If it's not here within a day or two, it'll probably mean I've skipped this month. I can take a test if it will make you feel better?"

Without hesitation, Jeongguk nods. "Why not just do one now? Get it over and done with?"

"Because if I do a test today and get my period tomorrow, I'll be annoyed," you laugh. A single day really doesn't make that much difference in the grand scheme of things. "Plus it's a Sunday."

"So?" Jeongguk laughs.

"Lazy day," you smile. "I don't wanna do anything that requires heavy thinking - and let's not forget how much alcohol I've had in the past 48. I've definitely killed off any lingering pests."

Jeongguk scoffs. "My sperm aren't pests."

"Pests are annoying," you say. "And you are also annoying. Do the maths."

"You're literally sitting on my lap," he shakes his head.

"You can be annoying and sexy."

"You're unbearable," he tells you, but the softness of his smile and the dimples in his cheeks would suggest that he doesn't think that in the slightest.

Nudging your nose up against his, you smile. "And yet you're holding onto me for dear life, aren't you?"

His grip only tightens. Hikes you further up his lap. Reaches down to discard the polaroids. Gets you right where you belong. "Think your blood alcohol content is high enough to kill pests, still?"

"So you admit it?" You tease, ignoring his question. "Your cum is an annoyance?"

"I'll admit it if you stop begging for it every time we fuck."

"Let's try now," you whisper. Let your nose nudge a little further against his. Don't kiss him - but you could . It drives him insane. "Let's see how I do."

He's about to lift the hem of your shirt. About to retrace the steps of a dance you know by heart at this point. Is about to disregard any and all of his initial panic of the morning - but then you're both distracted by a subtle thud.

Glazing over to the wall between yours and Danbi's room, it doesn't take a genius to work out what's happening. There's a second thud. A third. Fourth. A sound that is a little different, but incredibly human.

"Oh, fuck," Jeongguk laughs.

Whatever is happening in Danbi's room is exactly what was going to happen in your room.

"Oh my god," you laugh along with him. "Shit - Jimin."

"Let's go," Jeongguk taps on your thighs for you to get off, and you do so without hesitation.

The flirt had been fun, but it's not worth the humiliation of Jimin finally hearing you fuck. Jeongguk adjusts himself. Only has a semi, so it'll go down fairly quickly. Nothing to worry about.

"Oh thank God," Jimin hisses when you get to the living room. "Thought it was you guys."

"We don't fuck!" You both say in unison, and then look at each other as if you're offended by the quick denials.

"Right, yeah," Jimin mocks. "Totally believable. Good job, guys."

"Shut up," Jeongguk laughs, coming to rough house with a very delicate Jimin. They're as boisterous as brothers; testament to their friendship formed before they were tall enough for roller coasters. Gets him in a headlock. Jimin bites his arm. "We're just friends."

Jimin says something, but is still biting Jeongguk's arm, so it's completely muffled. With a big grin on your face, you just turn the TV up and plonk yourself down beside them. "Grow up."

And just like your denial earlier, Jeongguk and Jimin pull apart to look at you with great offence, and both say, "You grow up!"

You're certain that the boys will never outgrow how childish they are, and it worries you that the same could be said for you and Jeongguk.

Looking up to the disco balls in your living room, you notice the small swirl at the bottom of Jeongguk's mirrored tiles forms a small heart, and wonder how intentional it was.

He'll never tell you. Will keep it a mystery.

The world's worst kept secret: how much Jeon Jeongguk adores you.

A silly little thought to have. Implausible. You've seen him around girls he's loved. Don't think you into that category.

The most stupid thing at all is that you're even thinking about it. Why would you care to be loved by him? Why would you want your favourite person in the whole world to adore you? Why does it make you feel all nervous and yet remarkably calm all within the same second?

And when you look over time, and catch his eyes, why does his smile make your heart hurt?

But then your ovaries act up again. Give you a little pinch to remind you they're still there, even if they're not doing their job properly.

That must be it, you think. Just heightened hormones from your cycle being out of sync.

A knock at the door startles you from your thoughts, but Jeongguk offers to get it. You let him. Watch on with great curiosity as he takes a second to assess what's been delivered.

He looks down. Shakes his head. Scoffs. Lets out a laugh that sounds anything but humorous. Pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

Is bitter - jealous - as he simply says, "It's for you."

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

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d1xonss · 10 months ago

Text

Desert Rose

Chapter 36 ~ The attack

✧ Paring : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 3

✧ Word Count : 6.4k

In this chapter ~ The following day wasn't any easier as the group needed to have a plan for if the Governor returned. It all led to a pretty big argument, everyone having a different opinion about what they should do. But none of their ideas or plans could've prepared them for the sudden attack they were faced with. However, nothing else seemed to prepare them for the familiar faces that had returned just in time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ROSE POV *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning finally rolled around after a long night of restful sleep, Glenn wasting no time gathering everyone together in the common room for some type of meeting. He began to question Carl about where he found Tyreese's group, knowing that if there was a blind spot somewhere, we had to find it. We weren't going to risk anymore walkers getting in that way, but more importantly, The Governor and his men if they planned to come.

I stood up against the wall as I watched Glenn draw out a map on the ground with a piece of chalk, going on and on about the spaces we needed to fill. His voice continued to bounce off the cement walls as he couldn't stress enough about how important this was, but I couldn't help but tune him out after a while. Ever since he had brought up that he eventually spilled where we were located to The Governor, now talking about how easily they could get in, I couldn't help but stew over it for longer than I intended.

A figure stepped up next to me then, bumping their shoulder with mine and I looked up to see Michonne, tilting her head towards me as she silently asked if I was alright. I only nodded my head and turned my attention back on Glenn, but I knew I didn't convince her.

"Why are we even so sure he's going to attack? Maybe you scared him off." Beth spoke up.

Michonne then quickly shook her head, "He had fish tanks full of heads, walkers and humans. Trophies. He coming." she said seriously.

"We should hit him now." Glenn said.

My eyes snapped back to him at the suggestion, "What?" Beth asked.

"He won't be expecting it," he continued, "We'll sneak back in and put a bullet in his head." he spoke, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. As if it were that easy.

"We're not assassins." Carol said bluntly.

He ignored her comment as he got up from his crouched position, moving closer as he spoke to Michonne, "You know where his apartment is, you and I could end this tonight." he attempted to convince.

But Michonne stayed silent for a while as she looked at him with almost uncertainty, "I'll do it myself." he tried.

She eyed him for only a moment longer, seeing how serious he grew about this, before silently nodding her head.

"No," I spoke up, grabbing his attention, "This plan is too risky, you haven't thought this thro-"

"Believe me I have." he cut me off.

"He didn't know you were coming last time and look what happened. You were almost killed, Daryl was captured, and you and Maggie were almost executed." Hershel said.

He turned back to face the old man, "You can't stop me."

"But I can." I piped up.

His head then whipped back towards me, and he got closer to my face, "No you can't."

"Is that a challenge?" I asked with anger lacing my voice.

The room instantly grew silent as my voice echoed around the space, everyone watched intently what we would do next. I would never hurt Glenn, but if he tried to leave and do this, I wouldn't hesitate to tackle his ass.

He didn't say anything as he swallowed thickly, so I did, "I'm not going to let you get yourself killed over a stupid plan you barely put any thought into. We wait, and come up with a better one."

"He could be gathering his men to come over here and attack right now!" he yelled in my face.

"Well then he wouldn't be in Woodbury waiting for you to kill him now would he?!" I yelled back, "And there goes your big plan."

I was a bit taken aback that he was here screaming in my face, not liking what this whole situation was doing to him. But I wasn't going to back down, I wasn't about to let him be as reckless as he wanted to be and get himself killed somehow trying to do this just because he was angry.

I could easily tell by his face that he wasn't expecting me to yell back, to stand up to him and get in his way, but I would do a whole lot more than that if he kept it up.

It was almost like a face off as we stared at each other for the long passing seconds, before Hershel's voice cut through the intense silence, "Rick would never allow this."

Glenn then turned towards Hershel and took a few steps away from me, "You really think he's in any position to make that choice?"

"Like Rose said, you need to think this through clearly. T-Dog lost his life here, Lori too. The men that were here. It isn't worth any more killing. What are we waiting for? If he's really on his way, we should be out of here by now."

"And go where?" Glenn asked.

"We lived out on the road all winter." Hershel pointed out.

Glenn sighed, "Back when you had two legs, and we didn't have a baby crying for walkers every four hours."

"We can't stay." he said calmly.

"We can't run." Glenn countered back.

I stayed silent as I watched him continue to argue with Hershel, his arms flailing all over the place just to prove his point, I almost couldn't believe how he was acting. He had every right to be upset for what happened to him and Maggie back there, for everything that asshole did to them, but he had no right to take it out on us.

He eventually concluded that we would stay put and fight for the prison and moved down to continue to tell Carl the plan about checking the tunnels again, but then he stopped in his tracks.

"Who's on watch?" he snapped.

No one said anything, causing him to get up quickly as he cursed under his breath, but I stopped him before he could fully walk out the door.

"No, don't worry princess, I got it." I assured while pushing his chest back a little.

Without another word, I left the common room and let the heavy door slam right behind me. I was so pissed off at his bitchy attitude, he was being so stupid it almost blew my mind. I understood that he wanted revenge, but this isn't how we do it. We had to be careful not to lose anyone else, and the fact that he was going around acting like he didn't care who we lost, made my blood boil.

Feeling relieved as I was finally up in the watchtower with a sniper in my hand, I needed some air, and a break from his stupid tantrums.

About two hours had passed in what felt like a flash as I sat myself near the bars of the tower, keeping an eye on the trees surrounding the place for any type of threat. Though there were many walkers that seemed to pile up a little around the gated fences, it was nothing new. Just the same old shit that we had been fighting since the beginning, no sign of The Governor or his people, not even a sign of anyone alive for that matter.

Though when Michonne made a comment about how he would come, I believed her. She knew how this man thought better than the rest of us did, expecting him to return with rage and destruction. But I never imagined we would get here. In a place where we were suddenly at some kind of war with a man and his community, one that we barely even knew. It was a lot to take in.

The door below began to creak open slowly from behind me and I rolled my eyes as I adjusted the gun in my lap, "Go away." I said in a sing-song tone.

"It's me." Maggie's voice called out, and I turned around to see her standing there with a solemn look on her face, "You want me to leave you alone?"

I pretended to think for a second before shaking my head, "Nah, you're the only exception."

She slightly smiled, "Thanks babe."

I nodded and gestured for her to come over and take a seat next to me, and she moved upon see in my silent invitation. We both sat down while the gun I had now rested in my lap, continuing to gaze out at the tree line just a couple yards away.

She stayed quiet from beside me but I knew she had a lot on her mind, she just didn't know where to start. I could feel her eyes on me as she tried to find her voice, opening and shutting her mouth a few times in hesitance. I didn't want to push her, but maybe if I lightened the mood it would get her talking.

"So, did you come up here to talk, or just stare at my pretty face?" I asked, glancing over at her with a smirk.

She let out a chuckle and looked down at her hands, "Both." she replied reluctantly, getting me to laugh along with her.

"What's on your mind?" I asked as I turned better to face her.

She hesitated for a moment before making eye contact with me, "Nothing, I just... kinda snapped at Glenn." she admitted, sounding a little ashamed.

I scoffed, "Well, apparently I was one step ahead of you on that one today."

She laughed with a shake of her head, "Yeah, I guess so...but I'm kind of glad you did. In my opinion I think he was way out of line, with you and my dad." she said.

I nodded my head, "He was. The Governor shoved a stick so far up his ass and now he's taking it out on all of us."

She silently agreed, beginning to nervously pick at her nails as she spoke the next dreaded words, "He's just mad about what Merle did to him. And...what The Governor did to me." she admitted quietly.

My eyes widened, but she answered the question before it even came out of my mouth, "No he didn't. He just...made me take off my shirt and bra, and...pushed himself up against me. He didn't do anything really, it was nothing...just scared me real bad."

I shook my head, "That's not just nothing Mags." I argued.

"It could've been worse." she said quietly.

"...It could've," I agreed, "But that doesn't mean you should brush this off like it was nothing...that must've been so traumatizing...I'm so sorry."

"Thanks." she nodded in appreciation, her voice coming out practically a whisper, "I'm just having a hard time processing it I think, and Glenn keeps avoiding me because of all of it...well until just a few minutes ago."

"What happened?"

"He...he came into our cell to check on me, but I didn't feel like saying a whole lot to him. But he almost pushed me to tell him what really happened while we were separated, what happened with The Governor. I didn't want to relive it and go into detail, but he kept asking...so I told him. And then I yelled at him...I think I'm just pissed he pushed me to tell him more about it. But...that's probably a stupid reason to snap at him huh?"

I shook my head, "No it's not, you weren't ready. He should've waited until you were comfortable enough to tell him about it yourself."

She nodded her head in agreement and looked down, "You want me to beat him up for you?" I asked.

I heard her laugh a little but she shook her head, "No, that's okay, I just needed some time to cool off. I'll talk to him later."

I nodded, showing her I understood completely before moving forward to pull her into a hug, which she gladly returned. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. And don't you think for one minute that we won't make him pay for what he did."

"I know we will." she whispered, still holding onto me tightly.

We stayed in each other's arms for a little while, the gesture and comfort being something she really needed before we finally broke apart, silence taking over once again. This time however, the silence wasn't tense as it seemed to be before. It felt peaceful just sitting with each other instead of both of us being by ourselves with our racing thoughts. I enjoyed the company even though I originally wanted to be alone, she somehow truly was an exception.

But I could then feel her eyes on me again after a few moments of her thinking, and I just knew the things she wanted to say. It was almost as if I read her mind, just by briefly seeing the one saddened look on her features.

"You don't even have to say it." I muttered.

Her frown stretched even further, "But I want to...we haven't talked about it."

"There's a reason we haven't." I brushed off, "It's over. It's done."

She sighed to herself, looking at me with furrowed brows and saddened eyes, "I'm sorry about Daryl." she said softly, so softly I almost didn't hear it. Though a part of me wished I hadn't.

"Maggie-"

"No," she cut me off, "You're hurting, I can see that. I just didn't want you to think that you couldn't talk to me about it. I'm always here to listen."

I shook my head, "I don't need to talk about it because there's nothing to talk about. He left. And I...didn't follow him."

"Do you regret not going with him?" she asked.

"No." I said instantly, "...Yeah? I- I don't know." I muttered in defeat.

"Hey," she whispered, placing a hand on my shoulder to get me to actually look at her, "I don't want you to think you have to put up this front like you're okay, because I can tell you're not. Just...let it out."

I shook my head, "I have, trust me. I just do it alone, I don't want anyone else seeing me like that." I said with a sarcastic laugh, before pausing upon seeing how serious her face had become. Maybe I had been putting up a front, more than I even originally realized.

And then it happened, he entered my mind again like he always seemed to do. "I miss him." I admitted quietly.

She sighed in sympathy before bringing me in for another hug, as I tried desperately not to break down in front of her. "I know you do," she whispered, "But it'll be okay, everything will work itself out." she promised, rubbing my back lightly.

Tears built up in my eyes, ones that she couldn't see. I couldn't bring myself to speak in fear that my voice would crack at the first word that left my lips, so I only nodded. Not fully knowing if I could believe that, but yet wanting to more than anything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* DARYL POV ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My feet trucked heavily through the woods as fast as I could, ignoring Merle's quick steps from behind me as he yelled, trying to keep up to really rip into me. His reason for being this pissed was stupid, getting all fired up at me for stopping him after he wanted to rob an innocent family we came across. They were fighting off a small herd of walkers when we found them, leading to us making a beeline over towards their direction to help take care of the rest. Merle's actions honestly surprised me...until they didn't.

As some type of "payment" for saving them he wanted to pick through the supplies out of their car, shouting at them and threatening them however he pleased. But I had already had enough of his dumbass, aiming my crossbow at his head to finally get him to stop harassing these people we didn't even know.

I told the family to just drive, get away fast while I had stopped him for the time being and right when I saw they were far enough away, I turned around swiftly to avoid the confrontation, heading back towards the forest. I should've expected this from him, his old tendances resurfacing, but I guess it was something I didn't think about when it came to taking off with him again. But everything he did, everything he said, was starting to piss me off more than I could even describe.

Ever since the first night when he brought up Rose the way he did, trying to convince me of things that weren't true, I was even done with him then.

"The shit you doing, pointing that thing at me?!" he asked harshly while still following close behind.

"They were scared man." I said, not slowing down or stopping.

He scoffed, "They're rude is what they were. Rude and they owed us a token of gratitude."

"They didn't owe us nothin." I grumbled, thinking back to how they were struggling to protect themselves on their own, all while also trying to keep the baby they had safe. Helping them was the least I could've done in my mind.

"I see you, helpin people out of the goodness of your heart? Even though you might die doin it. Is that something your little girlfriend taught ya?"

I stopped in my tracks once he said that, whipping back around to look him in the eye, "There was a baby." I snapped.

"Oh, otherwise you would have just left them for the biters then?" he questioned, and I knew exactly what he was implying.

I shook my head, "Man, I went back for you. Ya weren't there. I didn't cut off your hand either, you did that. Way before they locked you up on that roof. Ya asked for it." I said.

To my surprise, his face formed into a smile as he started to chuckle a little to himself. "You know what's funny to me? You and sheriff Rick are like this now." he crossed his pointer and middle finger together, "Right? I bet ya a penny and a fiddle of gold that you never told him that we were planning on robbing that camp blind."

I paused for a moment as I thought back to our plan we discussed a long time ago, long when we first found the group to begin with. "It didn't happen."

"Yeah, it didn't cause I wasn't there to help you." he spat.

I took a step closer to him, "What like when we were kids? Huh? Who left who then?"

"What? Is that why I lost my hand?!"

"Ya lost yer hand because yer a simple-minded piece of shit!" I snapped.

Upon hearing that, he began to yell things that I couldn't bring myself to listen to anymore as I turned away from him, my eyes widening once I felt him grab the back of my shirt to pull me back, hearing it rip. My knees buckled and hit the ground at the amount of force he used, feeling his eyes burning at the spots on my back that I didn't want him to see.

I felt like I was melting under his gaze, practically feeling his eyes widening as he eyed every single one lining my skin. The feeling that came with his realization felt awful. Fearful even. But when I showed Rose, ashamed and scared, she kissed over them with such love I had never felt before, making my fear instantly disappear. Hell, I felt like I fell even deeper in love with her in that moment alone.

But here I was now, fully exposed to my brother who now suddenly was at a loss for words when normally he didn't know how to shut the fuck up. I quickly tried to pull my shirt back up to cover them out of embarrassment, but I felt it was too torn. So I quickly took my backpack instead, shrugging it on my shoulders to hide them once more.

"I-I didn't know he-"

"Yeah he did." I interrupted him, "He did the same to you, that's why you left first." I muttered almost bitterly.

I meant for my tone to come out loud and intimidating, but when I spoke all I could hear was insecurity in my voice.

"I had to man, I would've killed him otherwise." he told me.

I only scoffed towards him, not even looking him in the eye as I stood back up to my full height, walking away from him through the woods, "Where you goin?" he called after me.

"Back where I belong." I snapped.

"What? Back to your little girlfriend? Besides I can't go with ya. I tried to kill that black bitch, damn near killed that Chinese kid."

My blood boiled at his racism, "He's Korean." I corrected.

"Whatever! Doesn't matter man I just can't go with you." he replied.

I took a breath, "Ya know, I might be the one walkin away, but yer the one who's leaving...again." I spoke, walking away from him for good.

I should've known from the beginning not to go with him and leave everyone else behind. Leave Rose behind. But that was a stupid mistake, and all I could think about now was finally getting back to her. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her and how she never once left my mind, how I was constantly trying to find a way to come back to her.

And now I was.

My feet couldn't take me nearly as fast as I wanted to go, harshly pushing through the branches in my way as if that would somehow get me there quicker. To finally get back home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ROSE POV *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Maggie left a little while ago to go back to her cell to have some time by herself, while I stayed on watch for a little while longer. No one else had offered to take over for me whilst I had been up here for hours, but I honestly didn't mind. In a way it gave me some peace of mind that no one remained out in the distance watching us. Seeing for myself that there truly wasn't a threat, even though I continued to double and triple check.

But my attention was pulled away from the tree line once I saw a brief glimpse of Glenn getting into another argument with Hershel just outside. I caught myself almost stepping down to yell at him for flipping out on the poor old man again, but he was already making his way to a truck before I could say a thing.

My eyes slightly widened, "Glenn Rhee, don't you dare get in that truck!" I yelled down to him.

Everything was screaming at me, telling me that I knew exactly what he was doing. He was going back, and he was going back alone.

But like a child, he just made dead eye contact with me, slightly glaring, while slowly getting into the driver's seat anyway.

"Glenn!" I yelled again but he quickly started it up and drove off, stepping further on the gas and out of the gates before anyone had a chance to stop him. I cursed under my breath as I watched the vehicle disappear further into the distance, leaving only a smoke cloud behind.

The man was being so goddamn stubborn, and he was going to get himself killed. Tossing the gun I had on the ground, I turned to make my way down from the watch tower to talk to Hershel about what was said between the two of them, but something else in the distance caught my eye.

There was a person lingering towards the woods, wandering around the outside of the prison gates. In a split second, I had picked the weapon back up, looking through the scope to spot the figure clearly, but stopping completely when I saw it was Rick. He was looking left and right repeatedly as if he was looking for someone, and I lowered the weapon with furrowed brows.

I didn't hesitate then to get down from the watchtower, exiting through the gate before jogging across the field to talk to him. I was growing more worried about him with each passing day, watching him slowly lose his mind as his eyes spotted things that weren't actually there. His movements only reminding me of what happened the other day in the common room, staring up at the balcony before breaking out in a cold sweat as if something was watching him.

By the time I made it up to the fence, he had walked a little further into the woods as he continued searching, making me have to call his name multiple times so he would acknowledge my presence. After a few seconds, he finally heard my voice, turning back slowly to walk over up to the other side of the fence.

Once he was close enough, I spoke, "You know I wouldn't have ran my ass all the way down here if it wasn't important." I tried to joke, still slightly out of breath.

A soft smile crossed his lips, "When are you coming back? I love Glenn but that man is really starting to get on my nerves. We need you." I said.

"If you're worried about him leading this group, then you lead." he said seriously.

"Hilarious." I deadpanned, briefly looking around behind him, "What are you doing down here?"

He paused and looked away from me as he stuttered, "I've- I've been, I've got, stuff out here. Stuff..." he trailed off suddenly.

"Stuff." I repeated with a slow nod of my head, "Well...how much longer does this stuff need?" I asked, my concern for him only growing.

He shrugged, "I don't know."

"Rick, you know you can talk to me. Why are you out here?" I asked softly.

He stared at me for a few moments, wanting desperately to tell me what was on his mind but something was holding him back. Maybe it would sound crazy, maybe he felt that no one would believe him, but the truth was I would. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on with him, so I could know how to help him.

"I saw something..." he finally said, "Lori. I saw- I'm seeing Lori...I know it's not really her, but there's got to be a reason. It's got to mean something you know?"

I nodded my head as I saw him finally confiding in me, "Do...do you see her now?" I asked cautiously.

He looked around for a moment before shaking his head, "I don't think you're just seeing her...I think you're looking for her." I stated.

"I'm waiting." he corrected.

"For what?"

"I don't know, something. There's an answer. I know it doesn't make sense- well it does, it can make sense, I think in time it will make sense-"

"Rick," I sighed to stop his rambling, "When was the last time you slept?"

He shook his head, "I...I don't know." he admitted quietly.

"You need rest." I told him gently.

He didn't reply, just looked down at his feet as his mind clouded with more thoughts, "Do you remember last night when you told me not to blame myself...for what happened to her?" I asked.

He slowly looked up at me and nodded his head, "The same goes for you." I spoke, "Don't blame yourself...it'll destroy you. Especially when it wasn't your fault." I repeated back to him.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but then looked over my shoulder as if he caught a glimpse of movement. At first I was fearful to turn around, not knowing if there was going to be an actual person behind me or not, but I slowly managed to turn over my shoulder to only see Hershel hopping his way down carefully towards us. Thank God.

When he caught up with us, he placed a hand on my shoulder, "Mind if I talk to Rick for a moment, dear?" he asked me and I nodded, glancing back to Rick once more before heading back up towards the prison to give them a second alone.

As I was walking across the long field, I spotted Michonne standing by the abandoned bus in the grass, giving me a small wave once our eyes locked. Raising my hand up to wave back, I slowly made my way over to her instead.

But right as I was finally close enough to speak, opening my mouth to say something, I didn't even get a chance as she quickly reached out and pulled me back with a thud against the bus. Her hand was placed firmly on my shoulder as she kept me behind the hunk of junk, peering around the vehicle with widened eyes.

My brows furrowed as I tried to ask what she saw, but not a second later, I heard a single gunshot fire come from the trees. Then a loud, shocked scream came from just inside the prison gates, whipping my head over to see it was Carol as a body collapsed on top of her. It was Axel, a bullet piercing through his head and his blood splattering over the side of the watchtower.

My eyes got wide as I scanned the area for where the shot came from, spotting a single car in the distance with a few people surrounding it. It didn't take a genius to know who it was, and I quickly became furious. That son of a bitch really came back here.

After I spotted him standing still, far enough away from our gates, I quickly loaded the gun in my hands. That's when more gunfire started coming from all around us, and I peeked out from around Michonne just in time to see Hershel dive to the ground to avoid the flying bullets. I pushed past her lightly and began shooting at the men standing behind their vehicles in the tree line, firing at the ones who were the closest to him.

My gaze then spotted a stranger standing near one of the watch towers, shooting at Carl and Beth as they were trying to take cover. I quickly moved my aim, firing right at the man and instantly watching him go down with a single headshot. Not even hesitating as I whipped back to my original spot and kept firing just as before, in hopes it would buy the older man some time.

But then it very quickly grew silent, everyone stopping their actions suddenly. But once I listened more carefully, I could briefly hear the engine of a car coming our way. I hoped to God it was Glenn, but my face dropped even more when I saw it was some type of white van coming straight at our gates and quickly barreled through them without a second thought. It rushed past the bus Michonne and I were still hiding behind, feeling her hand quickly pull me out of the way so I wouldn't get hit.

It came to a stop in the middle of the field, leaving us all waiting in anticipation for something else to happen. Then all of a sudden, a man popped out of the driver's seat and headed towards the back, ducking and avoiding all the shots our people were trying to fire at him. He opened the back doors quickly, letting walkers spill out of the van and onto our land.

I immediately panicked once I saw how close they were to Hershel, attempting to run over and get to him but Michonne pulled me back again, seconds before someone began firing right at the spot we were hiding behind.

"Hershel get out of there!" I yelled.

I saw him pull out a small gun and start firing at the walkers, while trying to crawl away as best as he could, not being able to get back up without help. The Governor's people all started to make their way back to their vehicles to make a run for it, leaving our group to spread out further to kill all the many walkers they had just released. Fucking cowards.

I saw the van start back up, beginning to turn around and beeline it out of the field right as Glenn's truck pulled back up through the broken gates. Oh, I wanted to kill him right now.

He made his way over to Hershel the second he caught sight of him, and I began to run alongside of the truck so we could help get him in and get him the fuck out of here. Michonne was killing off walkers around us as we ran, and I finally made it to Hershel who was still laying on the ground, putting one of his arms around my shoulders, helping him up and back towards the truck.

Glenn then hopped out of the vehicle only seconds later, rushing over to the two of us to help him move faster on the other side of him. Hershel jumped as fast as he could as we guided him over to the passenger side, glancing behind us to see Michonne still stalling the walkers away from us.

Once he was in safely, I slammed the door shut and watched Glenn get back into the driver's seat, starting it back up again. Michonne turned back to jump in the back, kicking her legs over to make it in safely and reached a hand out for me to take. I ducked out of the way of the walker's grasp, trying to make it over towards where she was reaching, but I was quickly cut off as more of them caught sight of me in the middle.

I pulled out my gun again to try and shoot at them, but it clicked. Fuck.

"Rose!" Glenn yelled from the driver's side, knowing he couldn't wait much longer with the amount coming at him.

"Just go! Get them out of here!" I screamed.

He hesitated for a moment before groaning to himself, driving back up towards the prison where everyone else was watching. I got my knives out and began to throw them at any corpses coming my way, backing up slowly so they couldn't corner me. Many of them had now caught sight of me alone, and I looked over to see if Rick was still outside the gate, but I couldn't spot him anywhere from where I was placed.

But the second I caught an opening through the small herd of walkers, I booked it through the space in attempts to make it back up to the prison on foot. My curly hair bounced wildly as I pushed myself to run as fast as I could, the wind momentarily blowing it towards my face to a point where I couldn't see anymore. I moved my hands to get it out of my face the second it was in my vision, but it was already too late as I missed the walker coming at me from my right.

It collided with me and I fell to the ground harshly. I was so close to the gates that I could hear everyone calling my name desperately, hearing them try to make it over to me. I groaned and struggled with the walker on top of my chest, catching it trying to claw at my shoulders. But then it fell limp against me just as quickly as it tackled me.

My eyes looked up to see a bolt sticking out of the side of its head, piercing through the entirety of its skull. My breath caught in my throat at the thought, but he left. He couldn't have come back, right?

As soon as those thoughts echoed in my mind I looked up and my eyes widened. There he was. Side by side with Merle and Rick as they fought off the many walkers that got too close, firing repeatedly at their skulls. I finally shoved the walker off of me and stood up immediately, nodding back towards the gates without a second thought so we could actually make it out of this thing alive.

"Come on!" I yelled at them, and the three quickly followed me the little distance we had left to go, Maggie rushing to open the broken gate before slamming it shut behind us.

The moment I knew we were safe, my eyes connected with Daryl's from the space between us. I didn't hesitate before I was running towards him quickly, watching as he stayed firmly in place, opening his arms up for me to crash into. I practically tackled him in a hug with a gasp and my legs immediately wrapped around his waist, feeling him hold me up in place while burying his face into my neck. I felt myself begin to tear up at the familiar feeling I had craved so badly, his grip on me never loosening.

We held onto each other for what felt like forever before he leaned forward a little and set me back down to my feet, his arms still glued around my waist. I pulled back to get a look at his features, seeing his perfect blue eyes again and I sighed to myself as I placed my hands on either side of his face, bringing my lips up to his cheek to kiss him multiple times.

He chuckled as he brought me into his chest once more, hugging me tightly again as if he never wanted to let go. I couldn't even begin to explain the emotions I was feeling right now, but all I cared about in that moment was that he was here. He came back. I couldn't bring myself to care about anything else at the shock was still so evident that he was truly here standing right in front of me.

As we finally pulled apart, he quickly placed a kiss on my forehead before looking back down at me. "You're here." I whispered.

"M' here." he repeated, "I ain't goin anywhere else, m' here." he said softly while taking his hands and wiping away the tears that somehow managed to escape my eyes.

I laughed, unable to contain my happiness as I pulled him in for another hug, our intertwined bodies rocking from side to side. I took everything in as I held him close, glancing over his shoulder momentarily to see Merle standing off to the side with an odd expression on his face. Though I couldn't tell what that expression was for, nor could I tell what was going on in his mind. But I didn't linger on it for very long as Daryl pulled away slightly again.

"I'll explain everythin later. But right now..." he trailed off as he glanced back to Rick.

I turned to look over my shoulder, following his gaze to see Rick standing there with his eyes on the field, looking about ready to burst into flames with how angry he had become. But the man didn't utter a word. Not a single word as he just nodded back towards the prison, expecting us all to follow behind him.

This should be fun.

~Thanks for reading!

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nonagesiiiimus · 2 months ago

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eden's tlt reread: GTN, chapter one (pgs. 15-24)

before i really get into it, there's a few things i'm going to try and track throughout this reread (with some color coding, ooh): for right now, i'd like to start with words i had to look up, references to threes or other significant numbers, physical structure of the settings, and foreshadowing. i'll probably add some more things to track as i go.

interlude: on the Ninth House's layout

briefly, i want to talk about the description and structure of the Ninth house. we get some descriptions on pgs 15- 17, and 23 in the first chapter, with more peppered throughout the book. Gideon says that "this late in the equinox no light would make it [to the Ninth] for months", which puts the Ninth on the far reaches of the solar system (pg. 15). based on the rest of the description: no atmosphere of its own, rocky, freezing cold, it's easy to say this is Pluto. there's a quote later in the book when they are on the First and Gideon is confused by the nighttime that confirms this: “Griddle,” she said, “this planet spins much faster than ours.” At Gideon’s continued blank expression: “It’s night, you tool” (pg 86). one day on Pluto is equal to a week on Earth, so it makes sense for her to be confused about this new circadian rhythm.

now, for the structure of the ninth: it's pretty straightforwardly a tunnel down the center of the planet, with offshoots and balconies facing inward of the tunnel: "the Ninth was an enormous hole cracked vertically into the planet's core, and the prison a bubble installation set halfway up into the atmosphere where the living conditions were probably a hell of a lot more clement" (p. 23). clement = mild, merciful. there seems to be a first floor/ main bottom layer, where the "cold white doors of Castle Drearburh" are set (p. 16). we can assume as well that the tomb is also in the Castle Drearburh, along with the church. there seems to be different tiers cut into the tunnel that are living quarters and other rooms, and a splitoff point that leads out towards the landing pad: "Leaving her cell and swinging her pack over one shoulder, she took the time to walk down five flights to her mother's nameless catacomb niche [...] then came the long hike up twenty-two flights the back way [...] heading to the splitoff shaft and the pit where her ride would arrive" (p. 15). they must be pretty significant structures built into the surrounding walls of the drillshaft. this is emphasized by a later quote that says "They hadn't managed to cozen [Giden] inside Drearburh for a good two years", meaning Gideon must have had no reason to go into Drearburh for all that time- her living quarters and spaces are all separate of the castle (p.36). the landing field for the shuttle seems to be up the splitoff shaft really high up, on a terrace above all the living quarters (but not above the snow leek fields, which must be on the highest terrace?)

back to regularly scheduled c1 thoughts

~ chapter one ~

a wee bit of foreshadowing here: "Gideon never ran unless she had to", first appearing on the very first page of GTN, only to reappear later when Dulcinea/Cytherea faints at Canaan House!

the use of would instead of could in this quote: "her mother hadn't been in there since Gideon was little and would never go back in it now" (p.15): idk if this is anything, but to me it emphasizes Wake's willfull spirit.

first mention of frontline titties of the fifth on pg. 18 in talking with Crux!

the interaction with Crux is so sick and twisted and gross but also some of the first we get to see of Gideon's banter and personality. i also personally love the descriptors tamsyn uses for Crux's speech: bubbles, croaks, gurgles. it's gross and perfect

Crux says, "one day we will use your parts for paper" (p.19). this brings up one of my biggest and most longstanding questions: what is flimsy, and what is the deal with organic material in the Dominicus system? tamsyn muir has confirmed that flimsy itself is an oil-based paper akin to a plastic film, but this topic is deserving of its own post later on because i have a lot of thoughts. however, harrow later has a journal that has a cover of "tanned human leather" (pg. 146). yuck. maybe both are used? maybe the oil that flimsy is made of is derivative of humans fat? ew.

"You talk so loudly for chattel, Nav" (p. 18). chattel= n enslaved person held as the legal property of another, a bondsman

"Gideon was home free. Gideon was gone" (p. 20). this made me laugh because of a joke from HTN: when Augustine tells Harrow that if he wants Ortus the First to go, “he’ll be giddy-gone", which i unfortunately don't have the page number for but is funny to me here when reflecting. gideon, giddy-gone!

"[Aiglamene] simply backhanded Gideon the way you might hit a barking animal" (p. 21). this line breaks my heart every single time. gideon is striving so desperately for agency in this moment, and is so discounted even by the one person who she feels might be slightly looking out for her. aiglamene asking "will you disgrace me?" right after this also stings Gideon and stings me- it's an ask for obedience that i just despise on contact.

"sin of perfidy": perfidy = disloyalty, deceitfulness, a deliberate betrayal of trust. the highest sin in Aiglamene's eyes.

another quote that rips my heart out: : "Nobody had ever loved [Gideon] in the house of the Ninth" (p. 22). brb, crying my eyes out.

FIRST COMMANDER WAKE MENTION! pg. 23 tells the story of Wake tumbling down the drillshaft and landing brain dead in a hazmat suit, with one-day old Gideon in a bio-container plugged into the suit. there's a fabulous quote here that says "she was too far gone by the time the exhausted nuns had tethered her by force, as though death had been the catalyst for the woman to hit the ground running, and they only got one word out of her: she had screamed Gideon! Gideon! Gideon! three times, and fled" (p. 23). not only do we see the foreshadowed antics of Commander Wake's spirit here, but we also see one of our first references to the number 3. threes become pretty important and reoccuring in this book, for reasons that i think require their own post.

one other number thing: this is gideon's 87th attempt at escape. 87 could also be a significant number, which may requires its own post on my part. harrow is the 87th reverend mother, there's gideon's 87 attempts. maybe this is a thin thread, but someone posted in this reddit thread that it could be a reference to Judges 8:7:

Then Gideon replied, “Just for that, when the Lord has given Zebah and Zalmunna into my hand, I will tear your flesh with desert thorns and briers.

it makes sense with Gideon's name referencing the demise of someone else, as Tamsyn helpfully addended, but it might be too thin of a theory.

this concludes my thoughts on chapter one! super excited to keep rolling on this deep dive.

#gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #eden's tlt reread #harrow the ninth #tlt #tlt spoilers

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crescent-dreams · 5 months ago

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SessKag Summer Flood 2024

@flowingsakura

For the Dancing and the Dreaming (chapter 9-12) When Kagome goes missing after accepting a mission in a neighboring city, Sesshomaru's pack make their way to find her. The mystery of her disappearance unravels around them as well as secrets hidden deep within the heart of the priestess. For the second time in her life, Rin sees her lord cry.

@ladydanitar

Influenced Sesshoumaru happened upon Kagome's social media account by chance and his interest quickly turned into obsession. After 500 years the demon finds himself in an awkward position once he finally has the chance to speak with his woman who has consumed his mind for months.

@lynnnexus

Ground control to Lord Sesshoumaru The gummies were to help her sleep, Melatonin didn't work so now she's using this. Turns out a certain Inu demon has a sweet tooth and When presented with soemthing that smells like candy, well he'll replace it for the Miko... Sure you will Sess.

Sleep Solutions Kagome can't sleep. After listening to her issue, Sesshoumaru is pretty sure this will help. Kagome is absolutely willing to try just about anything... And really, a little stress relief may well just do the trick. He's even being a gentleman about it!

@matsuharuu

The Addict (chapter 2) He's addicted to sex. She's a psychologist. He wants her... She wants to help him...

Kagome's Will (chapter 21) Kagome and Inuyasha couldn't remember how long they had been friends. She had secretly been in love with him for a long time, but she always hid her feelings to avoid jeopardizing their friendship. One day, she discovers that Inuyasha has started a relationship with Kikyo, a classmate of theirs. Determined to forget Inuyasha at any cost, Kagome unexpectedly finds herself in the arms of a stranger who will drastically change her life and awaken her deepest desires.

We never change (chapter 9) They met in kindergarten. They will meet again. They will discover each other. They will never change.

momstable (Ao3)

An Intimate Moment Interrupted Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to

Caught on Tape Ouch, adhesive.

Family Game Night (chapter 17) Thursday night is family game night in the Higurashi family, but this Thursday, she's in the past.

@noprobllama92

inertia (chapter 38) Kagome may think she's built a life in the modern era, but she's just going through the motions as her heart remains in the past - until a familiar face lights that spark of hope once more.

@rainandyarn

Knit Me Sesshomaru doesn't particularly care for Kagome's favorite hobby. He finds ways to distract her.

What Happens In Vegas (chapter 167) One drunken mistake. Two silver rings. And divorce is not an option. They must stay together until the proper paperwork is filed. But what if it hadn't been a mistake after all.

@sereia1313

The Proposal (chapter 36) It was a marriage of convenience, nothing more. He wanted to keep the harpies away from his home, she wanted to keep the loneliness at bay. Neither of them realized their friendship would bloom into so much more.

Security (chapter 129) Kagome takes great pride in running the shrine passed down to her by her family. However, she is not the only one protecting it, and when fate steps in, her path will forever be altered.

A Sweet Reprise (chapter 9) Secrets finally revealed, Sesshoumaru promises honesty from that moment on, but their story is not yet finished.

@valentineheart14

Eternal devotion to his Miko (chapter 40) Approaching the age of twenty, Kagome has matured both in body and mind as she has worked hard to improve her skills since the disappearance of Naraku after their last confrontation at Mount Hakurei. In the two years since then, Kagome has caught the eye of the Great Dog Demon.

Under the Veil When the Shikon Miko is promised to marry a young Demon Lord to ensure peace for demon and human kind, however there are those who wish to live in chaos.

X-box out the balcony (chapter 1) Kagome reflects on her relationship with her boyfriend that started when she had tossed an x-box out the balcony and nearly killed someone.

Yours forever A young maiden who lives near the edge of the dark woods encounters an old demon in the woods who has been enamored by her for years.

Thank you to everyone who made this flood possible! We had 20 fics updated/posted and took up the an entire first page of Ao3!

#crescent dreams #sesskag #sesskag flood #sesskag fic #sesskag fanfic #sesskag fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 takeover #prepare yourself #can't stop us now #kagome #higurashi kagome #kagome higurashi #sesshoumaru #sesshomaru #inuyasha

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cheesybadgers · 9 months ago

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Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 24)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 3,440

Summary: It's been 15 years since Horacio and Javier brought down Gacha in Tolú, and now they're back where their story began.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Brief allusions to period-typical prejudices/politics/legislation, very brief sexual references, smoking, swearing, all the fluff.

Notes: Well....I feel like I should post this with a fanfare or something (just imagine there's one playing), but oh boy, oh man, oh god. I did it. I flipping did it 😭 It's only taken 36 months, copious amounts of blood, sweat and tears, a deranged amount of research, the last shred of my sanity, and probably a fair amount of back/neck pain from sitting at my laptop for too long to get here. But hey, if I don't write a self-indulgent novel-length fix-it fic for a criminally underrated rarepair from a defunct TV show, WHO WILL, I ASK THEE? 😂

I can't fully explain the journey this fic has taken me and my writing on, or the deep love I have in my heart for this ship and the OHDH universe that has lived constantly in my head these last few years. Even when I'm not actively writing, so many things remind me of these two everywhere I go. They got me through the darkest days of the pandemic and somehow became my comfort ship, despite er, certain canon events we don't talk about in this house.

Anyway, I think you've all heard quite enough from me for the time being. So, I will just say thank you so, so, so much to anyone who has read, commented, kudosed, reblogged, liked, sent me messages, made me things, suggested music recs, generally been incredibly supportive and kind ❤️

And thank you to anyone who may stumble across this fic in future. Please never be afraid to leave a comment, even if you're reading several years down the line, I will always love to hear from people about this story.

There will also be some moodboards and playlists posted on my Tumblr at some point (and *maybe* some new - much shorter lol - fics eventually) once I've caught my breath back a bit.

For the final time (unless I randomly think of anything I've forgotten, which is more than likely lol), I’ve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested.

Chapter 24: Suerte (Epilogue)

Early evening rays painted the pastel horizon, their last act of the day transforming the shimmering ocean into an inky palate of fuchsia, violet and saffron, the golden sands at the shore still warm to the touch hours past dusk.

Come the weekend, Colombians would travel far and wide to descend on the many beaches, bars and restaurants that dotted the waterfront. Or if they were feeling adventurous, they would birdwatch, dive off the Islas de San Bernardo, or canoe amongst the mangroves.

But it was mid-week and mid-December – when most locals were at work and school or preparing for Christmas. So, for now, Horacio and Javier had the place to themselves.

There was the added bonus of the coastline turning into a dense forest of palm trees just along from their beach house, civilisation a mile or so away on either side of them, so even at peak times, they remained secluded. It had become a daily ritual to luxuriate in the peace and quiet; a pre-dinner swim with no trunks required followed by entwined limbs and sand in their hair as the sun went down.

Today was no exception, the gentle lapping of the waves around them and their shallow breaths the only sounds to be heard, the taste of salt and scent of sun lotion heavy in the air and on their skin as Horacio rocked into Javier, slow and deep, their chests and foreheads drawn together.

It was almost dark when Javier switched on the shower taps, cascading soothing jets over his head, neck and shoulders. As he soaked his hair, the lights from inside the beach house sprung to life, illuminating the outdoor bathroom with an ambient glow. It was a feature of the premium accommodation they had splashed out on, a rare treat away for a special occasion.

The outside space was a mix of wood, tiles and natural stone for the walls and floors, encased by tall plants and trees for extra privacy. A double shower stood on a platform at the end of a walkway, with a large hot tub branching off in the other direction. On their first night here, they had opted for the tub, surrounding it with candles as a belated ode to Día de las Velitas, lost in each other beneath the bubbles and the stars.

A sturdy embrace enveloped Javier from behind, a position they had found themselves in every morning by the shore before breakfast, looking out to a tranquil sea and a kaleidoscopic sky. The day jobs kept them both on their feet and in good shape, although there was more softness around their stomachs, and Javier was stockier than in his younger years. But his upper body was even broader with muscle now.

He was no gym fiend, but he had accompanied Horacio in some of his strengthening training, wanting to keep his stamina up as much as possible. Not just for the obvious but because he was sometimes required to carry the heavier supplies at work and didn’t want to be shown up in front of his largely youthful team.

It was a welcome development to Horacio, whatever the reason. Not that he ever had any complaints before, but watching Javier blossom as he aged was a wonder to behold. Not to mention, there was more of him to enjoy now.

As for Horacio, aside from the sloping curve of his midriff, he was sheer jaguar strength. Not only in the noticeable places, but his core muscles were in peak condition, the daily horse riding improving his posture and taking him back to the drill commands of his cadet years. His skin was more weathered, and his days of being meticulously cleanly shaven at all times were long gone. But Javier assured him – a lot – the ruggedness was part of the appeal.

Javier wasn’t one to talk either, stubble being a more regular feature alongside his moustache nowadays. But that was mainly due to lack of time in his busy schedule rather than preference, so it wasn’t unheard of for Horacio to do the honours for him. For some reason, Horacio delicately scraping a razor blade across his jaw from the comfort of his lap was far more appealing to Javier than doing it himself in front of the bathroom mirror.

Their hair contained more grey patches, especially around the temples, which was easier to hide when they grew it longer. That wasn’t practical during the sweltering heat of a Texan summer, so they kept it shorter in the hotter months. But in the winter, they could run their fingers through choppy waves and coils of curls to their hearts’ content. And luckily for them, their anniversary fell in December.

“Can you believe it’s been 15 years to the day?” Horacio asked, scattering kisses across Javier’s back.

“This doesn’t even feel like the same fucking place, to be honest.”

“Tell me about it.”

Horacio let out a huff as flashbacks of leading his men on a fleet of raiding crafts towards Gacha’s hideout collided with memories from merely days ago of him and Javier island hopping in a hire boat along the same waters. They had taken a platter of fresh seafood and fruit, exploring the remotest beaches and lagoons, where their only company was the local wildlife.

He could still remember the sensation of the blood at his temple as he lay disorientated on the sand in the aftermath of the explosion, a stark contrast to dozing together under the shade of a palm tree or reading aloud to each other the words of Lorca, Gaitán Durán, Arbeláez, Neruda, Paz, Castellanos and Mistral.

“Although, I did notice signs for the barracks towards Coveñas when we were driving here,” Horacio added with a nostalgic smirk.

“Oh yeah? You didn’t want another night there for old times’ sake?” Javier tilted his head until he found Horacio’s lips with his teeth.

Horacio hummed and put up no resistance, his wet hands sailing with ease down Javier’s body, finding purchase at his hip bones. “It was tempting. But I figured you’d want to make the most of this before Christmas.”

“Damn right.”

They took turns massaging shampoo into each other’s scalps, lathering the suds through thick spirals, tenderly pulling at strands until they purred, thoroughly indulging in the sensation whilst they had the chance. And then they did it all again, rinsing off the soap, floating away on the meditative pressure of the faucet and their fingers.

“We could always see if Alejandra has more spa freebies if it gets too much, though,” Javier suggested through the haze of steam now cocooning them.

“I like your thinking.”

It had been a while since they last used such tickets, their previous visits not dissimilar to how their current vacation was playing out. But despite the chaos that would no doubt ensue, they were looking forward to catching up with Horacio’s side of the family. Between expanding businesses in Texas and Manizales and the oldest half of the brood living and working elsewhere now with the twins staying at home studying, they didn’t get to meet up as much as they would have liked.

However, Elena visited Laredo several times, swapping life stories and recipes with Chucho and joining Horacio and Javier in San Antonio one spring for the Fiesta. Her last holiday outside of Colombia had been before Alejandra and Horacio were born, so she was determined to take advantage of having family abroad before age finally caught up with her. There had even been discussions of a trip to Madrid if Horacio and Javier could arrange cover at work the following year.

“Pops is flying out on the 20th, right?”

“Yes. Marco and Raúl are covering the ranch and animals until your father’s back on the 28th. And Jorge is covering the farm until we’re home from Miami in the New Year.”

No one was keen to leave Luna, Sol and Leo, who had long since retired from ranch duties, but between work and Christmas commitments, Connie taking a full-time job in a different hospital, now Olivia was a teenager going on 30, and the earlier-than-expected arrival of Felipe’s and Juana’s second child – Óscar, a little brother to Claudia – New Year was the only time everyone’s schedules matched up.

These days, Luna, whose main residence was the cottage now, Sol and Leo spent most of their time nestled on furniture or looking for treats in the kitchen whenever food was prepared. However, Luna would sometimes still ride in the back of Horacio’s truck and keep him company in the lower fields.

Kira and Fuego had become old pros, showing their younger siblings, Cielo and Tierra, the ropes, not as replacements to the trio but as a new team with their own quirks and personalities. Thankfully, the dogs and Coco had taken well to the pair of barn cats, Churro and Tamale, who patrolled the outbuildings and dealt with any rodent intruders.

Meanwhile, Chucho showed few signs of slowing down, except one summer when he twisted an ankle, and even that was hard work to get him to rest. But he had been happy to step back from some of his more physically demanding responsibilities in recent years, trusting that the ranch and farm were in capable hands. With their expansion plans a resounding success – plus some new ones up their sleeves – he had become more involved in the business side of the operation alongside Miguel.

And, of course, he was always happy to offer Horacio advice whenever needed. But for the most part, he left him to it since Félix’s retirement, preferring to arrange for the guesthouses to be refurbished or to deliver fresh batches of cooking to aid workers and exhausted arrivals alike on the frontline of the border.

“Bet Jorge was as thrilled about that arrangement as my team.”

“Well, we can always delegate to our deputies whenever necessary. One of the perks of being promoted.”

It had taken Horacio five years under Félix’s watchful eye – and decades of experience – to be granted the title of farm manager. Then, Félix had retired the previous year, satisfied he had picked the right man as his successor and Jorge as deputy.

Horacio still had plenty to learn and likely always would with the constant conveyor belt of change to farming methods and technology that landed on his desk each month. However, there was a sense of familiarity with certain parts of the job, like the meetings, the paperwork, and the budget constraints. Except, this time, it all came without the funerals, the upper echelons of the CNP breathing down his neck, and the crushing weight of a country’s future on his shoulders.

“And a holiday on the Caribbean coast was necessary, was it?” Now that Javier’s hair was free from sand and shampoo, he turned to face Horacio, their lips almost touching.

Horacio nodded sagely and closed the gap. “A critical business need.”

------------------------------------------------------

Once dried off, they lay in a hammock in matching white towel robes under the thatched porch of their beach house with a perfect view of the sea, moon and stars.

“So, you like it here?” Horacio asked after a comfortable silence.

“It’s beautiful. I’m glad we came back – to see it how it’s meant to be.”

“Me too. Although, I fear violence will always be a parasite latched onto Colombia. Just when you think it’s gone from one place, it rears its head again in another. Or even the same place twice if you’re unlucky.”

Horacio remembered the stories he had heard from Trujillo in the last couple of years – particularly about Operation Orion. Officially, the incursion on Comuna 13 had been a success by the Colombian military against the likes of FARC. Unofficially, however, there were rumours of a leaked CIA report, disappeared individuals, and collusion between an Army General and none other than Don Berna’s subordinate. It was hard to keep faith that Medellín would ever be free from its past when history had such a predictable habit of repeating itself.

“I know. It feels like one step forward and two steps back in the States, too. Terrorism might be the new bogeyman, but re-branding to ICE and throwing a shitload of money at the DHS hasn’t stopped the drugs and the people finding their way over the border.”

Javier had heard directly from Steve about the shift in his job role since 9/11. Overnight, Steve’s whole department was removed from their current caseloads and signed up for every counter-terrorism and narco-terrorism course under the sun. It was now customary for DEA agents to be redeployed to the FBI as intelligence analysts if resources required. And if their eyes and ears were pulled away from the drug traffickers, it didn’t take a genius to figure out the consequences.

Meanwhile, in Texas, if anything, people only took graver risks in the wake of a beefed-up Border Patrol. Javier had spent a lot of the past year helping to set up new aid teams in Arizona and New Mexico, the inhospitable conditions of the desert not enough of a deterrent to stop families trying their luck or handing over their life savings to coyotes who didn’t care whether they made it across alive.

“But small things can add up to change. Bit by bit,” Javier added. “And at least they can’t arrest us for fucking in our own home anymore.”

“True. Not that the law stopped us before...” Horacio nuzzled against Javier’s neck before making a move to get up.

They may have joked in the here and now, but it wasn’t a change they took for granted. In fact, Luz and Carla had even persuaded Javier to attend a protest or two and pay bond and legal fees for those who had been arrested. After all, he’d had plenty of experience exchanging money for people’s freedom.

When news of the Supreme Court decision spread, it was another weight off their backs and one less reason to look over their shoulders, a chance to permanently put to bed memories of being spied on during such unguarded sacred moments. It was the final line to be drawn under those dark years, not to erase them because that was impossible. But it was, at least, closure.

Their cigarette was almost done, and Horacio had left the opened pack on the kitchen counter. Once retrieved, he took out another and leaned into Javier across the hammock, pressing the tip of his unlit cigarette against the lit one until it sparked.

“But you’re right,” Horacio continued, holding Javier’s gaze between exhaling a plume of smoke. He balanced on the edge of the hammock, just enough to stop it tipping sideways. “Things can change. But only if we want them to.” He perched their new cigarette between his lips as he reached into the pocket of his robe.

Their first cigarette was little more than a stub, so Javier stooped down to the ashtray on the floor to extinguish it. Once he sat up again, a small cubed box was presented into his spare hand.

Javier stared at the black box and blew out remnants of smoke, eyeing Horacio with an unreadable expression, an unspoken question and answer lingering between them and the mist of tobacco.

He prised open the box to reveal a ring of plain silver. Or, so he thought at first glance. But as he raised it towards the moon, the iridescent light caught on the inner band to reveal an inscription.

Suerte que encontré a mi media naranja.

(Lucky that I found my soulmate.)

“Fuck, Horacio…” Javier’s voice was strained, and his words came out as little more than a whisper. He held the ring between his thumb and forefinger, letting the ethereal reflection from above capture each word.

Horacio watched every shift in Javier’s face with bated breath and a dry throat, his limbs lead and weightless all at once.

“The world’s changing around us,” Horacio said at last; swallowing his nerves and summoning his courage. “But no matter what the law or courts say in any state or country, this can mean whatever we want it to mean.”

Javier’s jaw worked back and forth, his teeth clamping down on the inside of his cheeks. But it was no use, and he let out a trembling scoff, an attempt to distract from the shining pupils he finally confronted Horacio with.

And then a broad smile crept across Javier’s features, his palm connecting with Horacio’s cheek before he plucked the cigarette from his fingers and took a drag. “Pass me my jeans.”

It took Horacio a moment to process Javier’s request. Of all the responses he had prepared for – the good and the bad – that hadn’t been on his list, funnily enough. With narrowed eyes and pursed lips, he complied and fetched the jeans that had been flung over a sun lounger when they stripped off to swim earlier. Apparently, regardless of how humid the climate in Tolú became, denim remained a reliable staple of Javier’s wardrobe.

“Check my left pocket.”

Whatever Javier was up to, Horacio was torn between intrigue and irritation at Javier’s temerity to issue orders despite leaving him hanging. But he did as he was told, and in an instant, everything made sense.

“I can always take it back if you’d prefer…”

But Horacio was already opening the near-identical box, and any teasing faded to white noise as he came face-to-face with the gold equivalent of his own proposal.

“Hold it up to the light.”

The night sky was brighter now, making it easier for the inscription to be revealed.

Mi amor, mi vida, mi hogar, mi vaquero. Siempre tuyo.

(My love, my life, my home, my cowboy. Yours always.)

It was Javier’s turn to observe, and it didn’t take long for Horacio to raise a brow in his direction, shooting him a look of feigned exasperation that only came with the territory of a relationship as enduring as theirs.

“What?” Javier said with disingenuous innocence and a vulpine smile.

It was a contagious kind of smile, one that reminded Horacio they were equals in this and that he shouldn’t have been surprised Javier had the same idea.

“I take it my mother showed you her ring?”

“On my first visit to Manizales. It was beautiful. And so’s this.”

“As is this.”

“I like to think I put my own spin on it.”

“You did.”

They sat side-by-side on the hammock, legs facing towards each other with the rings held in their outstretched hands.

Javier’s thumb slid across Horacio’s left palm, tracing patterns over new callouses born from hard labour rather than war. He circled his wrist, waiting for the familiar rhythm but finding a beat that was, unsurprisingly, drumming quicker than usual.

After subduing with his touch, Javier retrieved the gold band, gliding it carefully onto Horacio’s ring finger, easing it over the knuckle until it rested snugly at the base.

They sat transfixed, marvelling at the light dancing across it as Horacio’s thumb ran back and forth over the curved surface in fascination.

Horacio repeated the ritual of mapping Javier’s left hand, lacing their fingers together as a tangible reminder of their bond. Their devotion. Their vow. Their choice. Whether the law honoured it one day or not.

He picked up the silver to his gold, shimmying it along Javier’s ring finger and passing beyond the slight resistance at his knuckle. Not too much force, but firm enough for it to sink perfectly into place.

With palms connected and fingers interlocked, their foreheads met, chests rising and falling in tandem.

“Te amo tanto, Javier.”

“Yo también te amo. Tanto, Horacio. Tanto.” Javier whispered, over and over in Horacio’s ear like a prayer – their prayer – before brushing his lips above Horacio’s brow, the bridge of his nose, both cheeks and down to his mouth, creating their own sign of the cross with each kiss. A new beginning and a welcome home.

They untied their robes and collapsed onto the hammock in a tangle of limbs, silver and gold melding at their chests and hands; their past, present and future as inseparable as their hearts, bodies and souls.

With one smooth motion, Horacio pinned Javier’s arms down into the netting of the hammock, a dark, hungry gaze passing between them as cool metal fused with hot skin.

15 years and several lifetimes may have gone by. But when Horacio had the man he loved, the man who loved him, his media naranja, underneath him, only one word ran through his head. Mine.

Old habits die hard, he supposed.

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