#well. i'll have to experiment
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wait. ok. hold on.
#i wonder if my struggling to focus on books is part of my struggle with focusing on visual things#i wonder if maybe i should have been listening to audiobooks all along#this changes the game ?#well. i'll have to experiment#also. just maybe. if i'm lucky. fixing my vision problems might make it easier to write descriptions and draw settings?#i've always said i wasn't a visual person and now it makes so much more sense#another interesting thing the doc said was that my brain showed signs of hyperactivity even though i don't present any at all#she posited that i might be channeling all that extra energy into making up for all the other shit my brain tries to pull#since i scored well on persistence#if we can fix this maybe i'll have energy#i love this doctor sm she's so confident that this is something she can fix#she talked about how important it is to her that she's able to help all her patients#that she put a lot of her own money into making sure her services are affordable#i am in good hands. i truly believe this.#dear diary#anyway if u have audiobook recs u can leave a comment :3
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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟
#pan draws#pan designs#zine#risograph#i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline#i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently#anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in#but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they#actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye#tdov#trans day of visibility#<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you#xines
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i listen to fog lake too much
#falls through the ceiling with a mighty crash hello#it's been what...8 months?#I was too busy w uni and being mentally ill#thank u everyone so much for the tags on all prev posts.. i re-read them oaccasionally 💗#they make me v happy thank u for giving me a moment of ur time#that means so much#anyway! vashwood!!#i hate them so much#i want to eat them#i want to ugly cry#i want an ideal world where they could've had something for a little bit#im eating drywall and pacing around the room in a cold sweat#so trimax-atypical overt intimacy it is#more coming...in maybe another year#It's a big project!#to me. yeah#my dream is to be put in a terrarium for a while#if only u knew how many wips I have w vashwood..#maybe i'll get tired and pile them into one post all unfinished and no less ok for it yk#whatever u r doing doesn't need to be perfect to make someone happy#didn't u experience a positive little zap from my imperfect colored doodle rn?#what a speedrun of a drawing that was#(<spent 10h on it. that's the minimum for anything ever)#hope today is treating you well! so long stranger!#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trimax#trigun#tzarrz
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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i had the most splitting headache during frostyfest tonight that all i could do to channel my thoughts about it was draw big man snow angel
#splatoon#splatoon 3#splatoon fanart#big man#big man splatoon#splatfest#my art#id in alt#we are better now... i'll probably get some games in by tomorrow!!#team experiences yaaaay :] (mind the yapping below)#frostyfest is genuinely my favorite special splatfest type. mostly because of really fun memories (hence why i picked experiences LOL)#and it's cozy too... quite true#back in 2 in family vs friends there was a wonderful team i queued up with where we got up to i think a 14 winning streak#(it was 8 or 9 when i joined) and when we had swept so hard seconds before a match ended i just remember squid partying with someone#who is still in my friends list today! i hope they're doing well out in the world. hopefully#i just remembered having a lot of fun that splatfest. the special intro AND shifty station was a blast to play on.
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Had the dumbest conversation with my sister and it reminded me of these two. Sending a resume including SCUBA ocean diving certifications without context while applying for a job seems like something Wind would do.
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:)
#difkdifnsofkou resumes are hard#I love my sister imagine opening your little sisters resume she asked for help on and she's fucking listing shore dives#I'm glad I can ask her for help :)#linkeduniverse#linked universe#Lu wind#Lu legend#I almost forgot to put my freaking. college degree on there#also I swear the performance stuff made sense it's for show diving and they wanna know I can perform and do public speaking#but yeah the music wasn't relevant but made it even more perfect for wind#modern au style where he asks legend for help applying for a job in the most kid-way possible#legend is basically my sister so this was pretty much our exact conversation#wind matches my level of dumbassery on adult things well I think#idk if I'll get the job but applying for a diving one seems like a good opportunity#I have lots of experience. the ocean's a good place.
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So, about that one AU that's been marinating in my mind for years
#'second canvas will be just simple sketches' *half cleans sketches* *adds base color* *adds shading* *adds bg* WHY AM I LIKE THIS 😭#anyway- you know how the flower that gave Rapunzel her powers (and also the Kingdom) is associated with the sun?#well. here it's the opposite bc Deeva is moon coded! :]#Gotta love the fact that her wings emphasize the bird in a cage symbolism....#Ofc she doesn't have much experience flying in this AU since Mother Gothel forbid her from going outside#Talking about Mother Gothel... it's Azul HGSAHD#at first I thought maybe Vil or Crewel? but since the character later kinda makes a deal w the twin thieves it fitted him more(?)#Also yes. Cater's alias is Cameron Mägi bc... Mägi Cameron..... Magicam.... 💀💀#it doesn't sound as cool as Flynn Rider but honestly I didn't know what to call him LMAO#I'll be back w this AU someday! I still haven't drawn the iconic lantern scene!!!!#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland oc#twst oc#twst cater#deeva twst#cateeva#my art
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*drops all of my experimental/unfinished B10 art* ALIEN TIME!!1!
#yo! been a bit#these are from the last 7~ months or so.#sorry for going MIA again- I was sorta rotting#i'll prolly be even more busy this autmn/winter... But I really appreciate you sticking around#still have other fandom stuff in stock as well. i'll post them whenever (*´ -`)#many of these are very silly goofy... i miss experimenting with cooler comic book stuff but i do not have the brain capacity atm lol#bye for now. have a lovely day everyone <3#art#digital art#doodles#doodle dump#fanart#ben 10#ben 10 fanart#ben 10 omniverse#ben 10 alien force#ben 10 aliens#there's the *tiniest* andalite cameo so might as well tag it too lol#animorphs#andalite#alien#alien art#end my suffering
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When i use kin as a verb i use it in the same way i use introject as a verb and it's just weird and upsetting when ppl insist kin can never be both an action and an identity. I can say I introjected Valentino and nobody says shit but then I say I kin Valentino and suddenly it's a big problem of language misuse and implying that kin is not an identity?? Is my fictive identity somehow not real if it has an element of action to it? It happened in the back of my brain while I wasn't looking, but it was nevertheless an action, and we experience our kin identities in the same way. Why the hell do people accept system experiences so easily but then purity test the exact same experience if framed as kin
#i mean people easily accept system xps in alterhuman spaces because i know they absolutely do not accept them outside those#BUT IT'S WEIRD THAT A LOT OF THE TIMES I HAVE TO BE LIKE WELL IF I FRAME THIS EXPERIENCE AS KIN I'LL GET A LOT OF SIDE EYE AT BEST#BUT IF I FRAME IT AS SYSTEM THEN EVERYONE WILL ACCEPT WITHOUT QUESTION#unhinged and unwell#fictionkin community#kin as a verb#fictionkind#fictionfolk#fictive#fictionkin#actually plural#otherkin#otherkin community#alterhuman#alterhuman community#introject
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"The kid seems scared.
Tip had always been a little nervous. Or at least that was the reality when the two had met.
It was fairly obvious for everyone that met them that the child had not been treated well by their formar guardian and in a way that Elphaba sadly recognized still seemed to afraid of facing the same pain and rejection again.
Still lately the kid seemed more relaxed and open, treating her with the same easiness and earnest they did Jack. More determined to learn than eager to please. Following her around with questions and vibrating with excitement as she turned wooden sticks into dolls and toy swords alike. It made her think of Nessa in a very bittersweet way.
She failed her sister and she would not allow herself to fail another young person she became responsable for.
That's to say Tip's strange turn to the same scared kid she met soon after leaving her behind and being declared and enemy of Oz scared her.
"Miss Elphaba, I have something very serius to tell you."
Maybe they want to leave. They are not in fact different in the same way Elphaba is. Tip is a normal if deeply magical child who just ended up in the care of a horrible woman. Being her aprenticce is actually the only thing turning them into a dangerous and hated figure.
"I understand."
The kid takes a deep breath. Elphaba tries to think on the best words to explain that of course they can leave if they want to and that they can take as many provisions as they need. Tip will never again be a prisioner.
"I don't think I am a boy? Wait no. I know I'm not a boy. Like the idea of it is still a bit scary because it seems like it will be a big deal but I'm fairly sure I'm a girl actually. I just never though about it before but Jack called me she accidentaly and it just makes sense. I am still the same Tip and please let me keep being your aprentice." She says in a single breath.
"What?"
The girl looked scared. "I'm a girl." She says. Than in a smaller voice. "I can try to be a boy if you want?" It does not appear to be something she wants and the fact she still sugests it breaks Elphaba's heart a little.
"Oh! Oh. No, no, that's fine. Do you want to be called something else?"
Her eyes go huge and she stops deep in thought before answring.
"Uh. I guess so, but I'm still thinking on it. I don't mind Tip for now."
"Okay, tell me when it changes?"
"Will do."
"Anything else?"
Tip looks a bit shy for half a second before a excited smile covers her face. "Could you let me borrow a dress?"
Elphaba laughts.
"You are too tiny for my dresses, kid. But I can help you magic one for yourself. "
Her eyes shine. "Cool!"
[...]
"Morrible says you'll marry some prince soon." Dorothy says making a face.
"I don't see why you are soo distraught, my dear, I'm pretty sure she'll find me a great prince." Glinda says with false cheer.
"I doubt it. Princes are all very dull."
"Met many princes did you?" She jokes lightly, trying to find a way to change the subject. She loves the kid dearly and for all it's bleak consequences will always be glad the tornado ended up bringing the girl into her life but she would preffer not to discuss those subjects. Specially not in her own bedroom in a rare moment of relaxation.
"Well no." The girl pouts. "But most boys are dull and I can't imagine liking to marry even the ones that aren't. I guess I just thought you were the same? I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize. And I sure hope marriage is unimaginable for you, you are way to young for it."
The girl smiles a tiny bit before frowning.
"I can imagine myself marrying a girl one day."
"Oh!" Is all Glinda says.
"I told Aunt Em once she told me to never say it again, she told me I was too young. But I'm ten now and I feel the same. " Dorothy rarely talks about home, sometimes Glinda tricks herself into beliving it is because her the kid just loves Oz better, that she forgot all about it, but she knows deep down that Dorothy will always miss Kansas, always miss her uncle and aunt and Toto, she just accepted home as a place she'll never return to. In the good days Glinda knows Dorothy would also miss Oz, would miss her munchkin friends and mostly would miss being Glinda's apprentice. In the better days she thinks about bringing Dorothy's family here. After all Kansas always seems sad and hungry. "Girls don't marry each other in Kansas." She continues. "But I though maybe they did here. "
"I think they do everywhere, Dorothy, is just some people pretend they don't because the different scares them."
"Like the Wizard and the animals?"
Glinda had only recently convinced Dorothy to only speak her very dangerous beliefs on the Wizard in private and even there she sometimes corrected the kid. But right now it felt too much like liying to Elphaba she couldn't do it, not when she knew Dorothy to be right.
"Yeah. Just like that."
And after a second she adds.
"Between us, I would also like to marry a woman".
Dorothy smiles, just a little bit.
[...]
She knows she should not be here.
But it's fun, she likes the dancing and the food and the small chance of going back home with something that can actually help Elphie. Maybe a magical item or even just some usefull information.
Besides the girl she is talking to is very pretty and fun and smart and she is not open about it but she's definitivaly not the biggest fan of the Wizard either. Oh and a great dancer.
"I'm sorry" the girl says "but I think I did not catch your name?"
Now it's the moment to say something clever like 'i never gave it to you' or maybe just invent some fake name. She can't say her name. It's too easy of a conection to make. But she doesn't need to lie. After all it was never really her name. And she has a name now. Has had it for days and just keept it a secret in some weird form of fear. But it felt like time. She would tell it to Elphie and Jack when she went back.
"Ozma. I'm Ozma. What's yours?"
[...]
Dorothy had never had so much fun at a party before. Her new friend was the most beutifull girl she ever met and the funniest and cleverest and it had never felt so easy to talk to someone before. In fact the only thing Ozma didn't appear to be was a good dancer but Glinda had teached Dorothy well and she found herself leading the other girl steps into the best dance she ever had.
She noticed Ozma did not gave any surname but it was not her place to pry. She just hoped to mert the girl again.
"Dorothy." She says and takes the hand. For a second she considers continuing in the way she was instructed to (Dorothy Upland at your pleasure and a kiss to the hand) but while she loves Glinda that's not really her. And she somehow trusts Ozma enough to be honest. "Dorothy Gale." She shakes the hand just like Uncle Henry used to.
#this is silly#please someone that can actually wrote do something with it for me#wicked au#dorothy gale#ozma of oz#wicked#elphaba thropp#galinda upland#glinda the good witch#elphaba the wicked witch#glephie#ozma sees elphie like an older sister#while Dorothy sees glinda as a mentor#they are not really parents even if sometimes they fill the role#glephie are in their early to mid 20s and they migh want to be parents but they have no skill#in my head when they met Dorothy is ten and Ozma is eleven#and elphaba mets Ozma at eight while Glinda meets Dorothy at seven#so there was 3 years after the end of act one act two would be 5 years after when Dorothy is 12 c#i wrote Ozma based on my own experiences#but i am a trans man so if any trans woman finds Ozma to not be well writen please tell me and I'll try to correct it#the wizard of oz#also i just re read to try to somewhat beta#and this is NOT anti fiyero#i love him#he is not part of the ship dinamic but him acting as dorothys dad is an hc that lives rent free in my head#the princes are dull conversation is not an attack on him#is just how dorothy as a young child from the 30s that had heteronirmativity forced into her sees the world#she didn't even met fiyero at this point cause Glinda tries to avoid contact with her old class as to not think about elphie#jack pumpkinhead
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thought we had it all, thought we had it all, thought we had it all...
- So Much (For) Stardust - Fall Out Boy (i/n/sp)
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#well y'all#somehow hit another follower milestone#and in my disbelief and appreciation may have made a set with enough layers to carry the weight of the world 🤣💖#couldn't love them or any of you more for what an amazing experience spending time on here has become#so just unbelievably happy these gifs turned out in a way which hopefully reflects that and our time collectively shaking and sobbing lol#will also be taking gif requests to celebrate if anyone's got some in mind so just let me know and i'll do my very best 🥰#that goes for all my fandoms btw even if lokius taking the lead there is the understatement of the century 😅#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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"Allies should be okay with hearing hard truths that we have been suffering through for years, because if a child has to experience it, they as an adult can take the time to understand it with their adult brain and their adult emotions, and if they cannot handle that, I shouldn't have to be okay with handling their feelings gently."
and
"Sometimes we go too hard on allies because they're the only person who benefits from the problem who will listen to us, and the anger that we have carried from being wronged for years should not be put solely put on the shoulders of people trying to help us, and they should not have to be okay with being mistreated with the same hatred that people have aimed at us."
Can and should coexist actually.
#cat chats#it's all about context#if someone you care about makes an insensitive joke about your experience#you should be able to tell them it's not okay and they should be able to be like 'sorry i'll do better'#but if all the butt of your jokes are about their experience being a majority#and they say 'hey this is starting to get heavy'#and your response is 'well you can just deal with it because i have to deal with people who are like you every day'#or 'well obviously i'm not talking about you because you're one of the good ones' when you openly condemn people like them#maybe take a step back friend#some jokes are better between people with your lived experiences especially when you're venting frustrations#i don't expect my allo friends to listen to all my aroace jokes about allo people because some of them only hit right with aroace people#especially the 'imagine having to have sex to feel human' or 'nobody knows how to be friends anymore they gotta make it weird' jokes#but they should absolutely acknowledge that american society is designed for people in a relationship with two incomes#and people aren't looking for an end all situationship where they're both friends chilling in an apartment together with no romance or sex#because god forbid we touch each other platonically in any way or people will think we're dating and in love#or how most of american society views that you can't just be friends with someone once you fall in love with them because it's not the same#or how once you're in a relationship everyone else in the world shouldn't matter more than your partner or you're 'emotionally cheating'#and most movie plots that are like 'i don't do romance' always end up with someone softening their heart and giving them a romantic subplot#or that people can't have sex and have it mean nothing it always has to be a romantic thing#like tell them how it is but don't make them your punching bag ya know?
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lloyd 'survived on one meal per day for years' frontera would absolutely see sharing food as a love language and javier 'lived in the streets for months as a child' asrahan would be fluent in it
i do believe there is a point in their lives where they both heal from the trauma of going through severe food insecurity but neither of them ever quite really forget just how important food can be. and when the other shares their food with them, they appreciate it as the show of affection it was meant to be
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#i've talked before about food as a love language in tged which mostly affects the relationship between marbella and lloyd#but i do think it would bleed over to other aspects in lloyd's life#and there's a scene in the hell arc where javier figures out something is wrong because lloyd complains about the food#something javier notes he never does. no matter the quality of the food how plain or unpleasant it is lloyd never complains about it#and he explicitly calls it out as the way someone that had been starving for years and knew the preciousness of food would act#which if you then take into account that this is been said by a person that survived on his own as a five year old child in the streets#in the middle of winter... well. it sounds less like speculation and more like someone speaking from experience.#anyway. all this to say lloyd would peel an orange and then give half of it to javier and javier would absolutely swoon#and when they're on the road and they sit down to eat javier will always give the fuller plate to lloyd#and lloyd will have to swallow the knot in his throat before he can start eating#llojavi#yeah fine i'll tag it
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How long/how many pages long do you expect for the chapters to be on average?
...I have no idea....
I'm super duper close to finishing chapter one!!(maybe in like 3/4 updates more?) And it's been 36 pages of that so far!! So... uhh...hmm....
I think most chapter are gonna be the same length! (Except maybe chapter two...?)
SOOOO...maybe 50 pages per chapter average??? I GENUINELY HAVE NO IDEA
I guess we're gonna know when it happens!
In my mind, every chapter is a 22 minute episode........I don't think that's relevant but that's how I'm pacing the story lol
#honestly this is a big project...I should have started with something smaller😭😭😭#but oh well#at least I'll gain some experience#answered ask#hehe
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the thing about being a disabled grad student is that if you want even half a chance you constantly have to not only reveal but interrogate and explain your softest most vulnerable parts. while people around you act like this is just completely normal and actually that is not the softest most vulnerable part of you and actually you are exactly the same as all of them. so you feel like you are in disguise as exactlythesame while also completely exposed. and you just have to live like that. absolutely insane
#mod felix#general disclaimer that this is my experience and this is how i feel and not necessarily how everyone feels obviously#but . i feel this way . currently#well and i think part of it is that like... people act like the institution isn't actively hostile to like. any marginalized person really#i mean this post is about disability but i'm sure it applies to other people too#and if you read this and say 'this is also how it feels to be x' i see and support you#anyway. posting this here because like... i feel like as a blog with a relatively large (for tumblr) audience like.#i feel the need to be honest and transparent about my experiences in academia#because i know there are people following us who like. want to be in academia or who already are#and like . i really like the program i'm in and i'm learning a lot but it's also a very hard thing to do even if you're totally abled#which like. i'll be honest i think the sort of person who says 'i want to learn ancient greek for the rest of my life'#is unlikely to be totally abled#like i'm not the only disabled person in my program either. and most people i interact with like.#have a base level of understanding about disability#but it's still like... surreal to operate in like. an institution that puts pressure on everyone to act like disability doesn't exist#i feel like there's just like. constant dissonance
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#thing i forced myself to color#i think i just like . forced myself to do this thing in the first place#i don't feel really good todaY#i hadn't drawn anything for two days#and i was worried i would lose motivation again#it's just that i finished all of my ideas already#well not all of them but most of them are too complicated#god this is so boring . i need to start experimenting with colors but i don't really have the motivation for that rn#i really really miss vargas and it's driving me crazy#can we have a fanbase with more than 20 ppl PLEASE#i'd do anything for edgar vargas#i don't know what posessed me but suddenly i'm crazy for this man#btw . . . i created . . . a twitter spicy side acc . . .#if u want to know the @ . . . just dm me . . .#i'll let you in as long as you're not a minor of course#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#zarla s#okay fun thing#before i would like . draw edgar looking super grumpy and annoyed#which isn't wrong ??? but in zarla's drawings most of the time he just looks scared or confused#so i was like god is this too self indulgent#and i had to stop doing that kind of#but i just did it again here . i'm not saying sorry i don't feel good okay .#sunny's art
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