#well. i deserved that after 3 months of unpaid internship

[arnold-layne]

well. im now officially an Adult with a Job™️

[di-daynamic]

Part 1 of 3

Adrinette April: Day 8

“And the winner of the first prize is. . .” The anchor paused, and everyone in the auditorium collectively held a breath. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng!”

Marinette smoothed her skirt down as she stood up to head to the stage. Her heart burst with excitement. Alya whistled, and her parents and Juleka applauded enthusiastically.

The trophy was heavy in her hand as she held it up to rousing cheers. Two months of mind-bending work now felt absolutely worth it.

“As you all know, the prizes include a cash sum as well as an internship opportunity. . .” The anchor continued. “And we are proud to announce that Mlle. Dupain-Cheng will get the chance to intern at Gabriel!”

Marinette gaped in amazement. She heard the four other winners gasp and mutter in envy. Gabriel was notoriously exclusive with its internship opportunities. Marinette wouldn’t have any trouble getting into an art school after an internship there. She hadn’t even finished lycée. This was something out of a dream.

“Way to go, girl!” Alya laughed, hugging her as she stepped off. “Gabriel! That’s ridiculous!”

“Also a callback to our college days,” Juleka muttered, and then smiled at her. “Congrats, Marinette.”

Marinette couldn’t pretend her mind didn’t jump to Adrien every time Gabriel or the name Agreste was mentioned. A mix of nervousness and excitement caused her stomach to turn as she considered the prospect that she might be seeing Adrien more regularly. Then she shook herself out of it. Adrien had always hated being associated with his father’s company back in college, and there was no indication that that had changed.

“Thanks, Jule,” she said mildly as her parents swept her up.

“We’re so, so proud of you Marinette!” Papa said, beaming.

“Congratulations! Gabriel is such a prestigious posting! You certainly deserve this after all your hard work,” Maman said, taking up her hands.

“Thank you!” She laughed.

“Hey, Mari, I see some people you’ll be wanting to talk to,” Alya said, pointing at the stage. Marinette turned and gasped. Alya was right. There were several CEOs and fashion business and modeling agency representatives.

“Right! I’ll see you later. Come on, Juleka.” She dragged her protesting friend over to the people laughing and chatting by the stage.

“Ah! Mlle. Dupain-Cheng!” Alessandro Lesatz smiled at her, and Marinette just about died on the inside. “Congratulations on your win. I saw your portfolio, and I must say I wish to steal you from the Agrestes.” He noticed Juleka as Marinette blushed and thanked him. “Ah. Your model?”

“Yes,” Marinette nodded, “This is Juleka Couffaine.”

“Luka Couffaine’s sister!” Mlle. Rivera scrutinized the girl. “Well, you do good as a model. Would you like an interview some time?”

As Juleka stammered out a stunned answer, Marinette began to schmooze. She got half a dozen business cards and scores of compliments on her work, and even a few critiques. She hoped she took them all with a grace befitting someone about to intern at the most famous fashion company in the city. A couple actually gave her constructive feedback about something to improve on rather than just derision, which was useful even though disheartening.

“I’m so happy for you Marinette!” Tikki giggled, zooming out of her purse as she climbed up the trapdoor to her room after a celebratory dessert with her parents.

“Did she win? Did she win?” Pollen demanded.

“Right here, Poll,” Marinette smiled at the kwami. “And yes, I did. First prize!”

“Yipppppeeeeee!” Mullo and Kaalki screamed.

“Congratulations, Master Marinette,” Wayzz said sagely. “Didn’t you say an internship was also part of your prize?”

“Not just any internship, an internship at Gabriel!” Tikki said excitedly.

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Xuppu squealed.

“And romantic!” Added Ziggy.

“What? Why is that a big deal?” asked Longg.

“Aren’t in-interm-internships unpaid work?” Sass asked irritably. “It’s unfair and degrading – why are we celebrating this?”

Marinette laughed as several of the kwamis began to explain over one another, over the squeals and the begging for details Tikki was happy to provide. She was used to this chaos now.

She leaned back in her chair, considering her trophy. When would the internship begin? According to the anchor, the winners would receive emails near instantly. And Gabriel Agreste – or Nathalie Sancoeur rather – had always been scarily efficient.

Sure enough, when she clicked on her unread emails, she caught one from the Gabriel company, titled CONGRATULATIONS.

There was a list of instructions and rules after the typical congratulatory message and the attachment of the Non-Disclosure Agreement and Internship Contract she and her parents would have to sign. Marinette read through them carefully. To her immense shock, they said that if she managed to create a piece or a portfolio of pieces in the duration of her internship, whether for school or for competition or – she supposed – one of Jagged’s commissions, they would help and possibly put forth a model of their own and release it as part of the brand, with her name attached!

Marinette was speechless. These were excellent terms for an internship. Then again, the competition she had won was rather prestigious.

She began on Monday, right after lycée.

Nerves began to take over the excitement as Monday approached. Alya greeted her cheerfully after dragging her out of bed as they headed to school. “Internship first day today, huh?” Her friend asked. “Are you nervous?”

“No,” Marinette denied. Alya raised an eyebrow and she relented. “Fine. Maybe a little.” It wasn’t much more than the anxiety always swirling in her stomach – just the feeling of pins and needles, clamminess and a deep sense of dread.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Alright. Want to rehearse what you’ll say to Adrien if you run into him?”

“Alya!” Marinette exclaimed, and the girl tossed her head back and laughed. “That was years ago! I’m fine around him now.”

“Just joking, girl,” Alya smirked, putting an arm around her shoulders. “Did you finish the English homework?”

The day seemed to speed by and yet crawl inexorably. Practically before she knew it, she was standing in front of the Gabriel office – a building spanning twenty-two floors.

“ID?” Asked a bored voice.

Marinette jumped. “Er. .  .” She started tentatively. “I – I don’t have one.”

The security guard frowned. “You don’t—”

“She’s our new intern,” interrupted someone Marinette knew very well. She turned to see Adrien smiling, walking forward with a purpose he hadn’t had back in college. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng? She should be on the notice given out to you.”

“Y-Yes, Monsieur Agreste,” the guard said, fumbling with papers. “You can go up, Mademoiselle. Please visit the office to get your ID and submit the signed papers and meet your supervisor.”

“Great!” Adrien beamed. “By the way, how is your daughter? Recovered from the flu?”

“Yes, she’s well now, thank you for asking,” The guard replied, clearly put at ease by Adrien’s easy demeanour.

“That’s good,” Adrien said, “Come on, Marinette. I’ll show you to the office.” Thanking the guard, she hurried after him. “Congratulations on the win! I’m glad you’re the one who’s going to work with us.”

“Us?” Marinette interrupted. “Last I heard, you weren’t at all interested in your dad’s company?”

And that had been only three weeks ago, at Luka’s concert. She didn’t see how things could have changed so quickly.

Adrien turned sheepish, ruffling his hair. Marinette pushed down the flutter of her heart at the motion. “Well, two weeks ago the winners of your competition were announced to the industries, so that they could say if and whom they wanted as an intern. And as much as I’m pleased you won and Father actually decided picking an intern was worth it, the lecture I received about deciding my path and focusing on my career now itself wasn’t very fun. He knows we’re friends, see, so he thinks I should be following your example.”

“Sorry about that,” Marinette laughed.

“Helping out in the business side of things made Father decide my modelling engagements are cancelled for the time being, so please, don’t be,” Adrien insisted.

“I remember you really hated modelling,” her voice softened with sympathy. “I’m glad you don’t have to do it anymore.”

Adrien smiled at her, and it was like sunshine. “I am too! It gives me some free time, too. At least business has a fixed number of hours. Modelling doesn’t. I’ll be able to attend Rose’s birthday party after all.”

“Oh, she’ll be so happy!” Marinette exclaimed. “She was hoping that all our old classmates could make it.”

“It’ll be fun to get together,” he agreed, and pressed an arm to hold the elevator. “After you, mademoiselle.”

Marinette giggled as she stepped in. “Such a gentleman.”

He smirked. “Glad my manners haven’t faded since college.” The elevator closed with a ding. Marinette felt a blush rising. She’d imagined various scenarios in college that included this: her and Adrien alone in an elevator. The only thing needed to complete the fantasy was the elevator to get stuck.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Gabriel had higher standards in elevators.

“The office is just to the left,” he stepped out of the elevator, pointing at the sign that listed various locations on the floor, including the office.  “M. Ducasse should be there. He’ll probably be the one to do intern orientation.”

“Alright,” Marinette smiled up at him. “Thanks so much, Adrien. I’ll see you at Rose’s party?”

He hesitated, looking for a moment younger like he’d been in college. “I’m – uh, I’m hoping before that?” She could only blink at him, taken aback. “C’mon, Marinette, this place and the business is boring enough. Really boring, if you promise never to tell my father or Nathalie I said that. Having a friend around would be fun. You always make things better.”

Marinette felt heat pool in her cheeks. In an effort to remain nonchalant, she turned away from him, towards the sign, “Well, I’m certainly not opposed to having one of my best friends keep me company in my first internship. I’m sure us running into one another would be complete coincidences.”

Adrien grinned. “See you around, then. I have to go, I’m already late.” With a wave, he strode to the staircase.

Marinette waved back until he was out of sight, sighing in hopeless, unfading love.

“You are Marinette Dupain-Cheng?” M. Ducasse asked as she stepped inside the office. 

“Yes, M. Ducasse.” She replied, taking out the documents signed by her and her parents.

“Very well,” he said, comparing her profile to the photo on the ID. “Please hand over the NDA and employment contract, and take the ID card. This will give you access till the fifteenth floor. Your supervisor is Mme. Oppenord. She will decide the days and timings of your internship, as well as discuss other details.”

“Okay. Thank you,” she took the ID card and pinned it to her blouse. “Where can I find Mme. Oppenord?”

“She should be here any minute now,” he responded. “Have a seat. There’s some orange juice in the jug.”

She did so, marveling at the décor and the professional hospitality. Then again, there was a reason Gabriel was the most popular company in the design industry. The receptionist was right; her supervisor arrived within three minutes, and took a seat opposite and briskly introduced herself.

The next half an hour was a discussion regarding the responsibilities, duties, duration and timings of the internship. Marinette would apparently be mostly working in the clothes design and PR departments, which pleased her. She asked if she could help out in jewellery department as well, and was warned that going beyond coffee and typing jobs would perhaps be regarded as rudely overstepping by some, but that she was welcome to try.

“Onto the final matter,” Mme. Oppenord seemed like the type of efficient which got things accomplished in the snap of a fingers and left disorganized messes like Marinette staring after them in awe. “The unusual portion of the contract, if I may say so. You are promised help in any ongoing or future projects, including but not limited to a reasonable amount of resources, publishing, selling, modelling, wardrobe. . .?” She trailed off in a question mark.

“Er, yes,” Marinette answered, not sure what the woman was looking for.

“Very well. Do you have anything ongoing?” She couldn’t read Mme. Oppenord’s tone. Tired of this, or just the methodical need to move on to the next thing?

“Well, Jagged Stone has commissioned a few designs that I’ve only just completed,” she said slowly. “And usually, I post them on my website so my followers can get the ‘scoop’ of sorts – the things that the famous rockstar will probably, you know, start a trend with.” She finished weakly and winced.

“If your name is going to be associated with the Gabriel brand, you will have to make a few modifications to the process,” she commented, furrowing her eyebrows. Marinette bristled at that, but had to concede that she had a point. “And – Jagged Stone is okay with you publicizing his commissions like this?” She asked severely.

Marinette wasn’t sure if Mme. Oppenord actually hoped she was committing a crime. “He’s … known me since I was a child, and hence I think was rather indulgent when it came to contracts. He says it’s my designs, so I can do as I wish.” Jagged had always been like the brash, spoiling uncle to her. There was also the fact that Penny had a soft spot for her.

“Hmm.” That apparently garnered a raised eyebrow. “Very well. Bring me your finished designs – I’m your supervisor, dear, I can assure you I won’t be blabbing or copying,” she added when Marinette opened her mouth in instinctive indignation. She blushed, and the woman continued. “And I’ll see what I can do with regards to modelling and publicizing. I’ll have your contact with Jagged Stone as well, and your usual model—”

“I … don’t really have a contact?” Marinette said sheepishly. “I usually just call Penny.”

“As in Jagged Stone’s personal assistant?” Mme. Oppenord seemed a woman of few reactions, and Marinette wondered what it meant that she was giving so many only in their first meeting.

“Erm. Yes.”

“I suppose you’ll have to be there when I call then. . . And your model?”

“Juleka Couffaine.”

Mme. Oppenord stared at her. “The famous Luka Couffaine’s sister? Jagged Stone’s daughter?”

“. . . That’s the one,” Marinette said feebly. It really was a start to remember how well-connected she was. She certainly hadn’t though much of it back in college.

The older woman shook her head with – again, Marinette couldn’t read her expression. Which was frustrating. As Ladybug, she was used to dealing with akumas by reading their emotions and body language.

She was sent off to work soon enough. She spent the next couple hours brewing coffee and typing and sending e-mails, with one exciting excursion to the wardrobe department to help in an ongoing shoot. Mme. Oppenord told her that when she came on Thursday she would be helping organize the wardrobes used by the designers with the other interns, and that she could eat in the cafeteria before she left.

She sat down with two girls only a couple years older than her called Juliet and Andy, who were very friendly. She’d texted her parents that she would be home by eight-thirty, so she had half an hour before she had to leave. The girls were amazing sources about future schooling: Juliet went to university while Andy pursued jewellery making in a specialized school. Marinette had to consider her own options after lycée, so it was helpful.

“Oh my God,” came a squeal, “Oh, God, look! Everyone, look!”

 There were instantly several other screeches and a hushed, “It’s Adrien Agreste!”

Sure enough, the blond was at the door, frowning as he looked around. When he caught her eye, she waved tentatively. His face brightened and he headed straight there.

“Why is he coming here?” Andy asked, voice reaching a previously undiscovered pitch. “Marinette, did you just wave ADRIEN AGRESTE over to our table?”

“You know him?” Juliet asked, sounding impressed but not as slavish as the others. Marinette had barely nodded when Adrien beamed at her, sitting next to Juliet.

“Hi, Marinette! How was your first day of work?”

“Good,” Marinette smiled back at him – it was pretty much impossible not to. Adrien always had a way of making her fluster and smile. “How was your day? As boring as you expected?”

“Pretty much,” he replied, making a face. “Except I had the prospect of seeing you to tide me over.” His eyes sparkled and her face burned. Adrien flirted with everyone, apparently having gained confidence after he entered lycée. Thankfully more lowkey than Chat Noir, though her partner had stopped declaiming his love to her recently.

“What exactly do you do here anyway?” She asked, putting her head on her chin to consider him. “Oh, and this is Juliet and Andy by the way.”

“I remember you helped in the jewellery in my last shoot,” Adrien said in recognition to Andy. She gulped, looking like she was about to faint, and nodded wildly. “Nice to meet you, Juliet.”

“You as well,” Juliet replied politely.

“As for your question,” he turned to Marinette. “I usually just shadow Nathalie, though Father has been coming here to show me the ropes.”

“Gabriel Agreste is outside the mansion?” Andy gasped, dropping her fork. “Here?”

“Right?” Adrien said enthusiastically, clearly not understanding the fangirling. “It’s a miracle! The last time he came out was nearly five years ago, during that fashion show. . . The one where I wore the hat you designed, Marinette.”

“Oh right,” she laughed sheepishly. “The one inspired by Mr. Pigeon.”

“That was inspired by Mr. Pigeon?” Adrien laughed too. “Right, the feather in the hat. Literally,” he winked. She giggled. “My father really did admire your work, especially the signature. I remember he called it ‘masterful’.”

“That’s a feather in the cap of any designer,” Juliet said, smiling, looking between Marinette and Adrien with shrewd eyes.

“Definitely,” Marinette agreed. “I think that competition was around the time when Mr. Ramier was first Akumatized.”

“You … know his actual name?” Adrien blinked in surprise.

“Well. . . The poor man’s been Akumatized enough times,” she joked. “I help him feed the pigeons sometimes.” She felt sorry for the man, as Ladybug and as herself. It was a bit of a joke, but loving pigeons that much to get Akumatized even with the charm she gave out? That was some commitment. Adrien’s face softened, looking at her.

“Nearly seventy, I believe,” Andy laughed.

“Seventy-three,” Both Marinette and Adrien corrected together. They grinned at one another.

“If you’ve already had a Gabriel model,” Juliet gestured to Adrien, “Then doing it again shouldn’t be much of a problem, should it?” Marinette hadn’t known her long, but she was fairly certain that wicked glint in her eye meant nothing good.

“What do you mean?” He frowned.

 Marinette cleared her throat. “There was a clause in the internship contract that any ongoing or future projects while I’m interning here will be supported by Gabriel, including but not limited to—”

“Modelling,” he finished.

“Right. And she has one now,” Andy said, nodding. “Mme. Oppenord told you to bring your sketches in next time you’re here for deciding the model and everything?” She and Juliet exchanged a glance and then looked at Adrien. . . expectantly?

“I can do the modelling for you,” Adrien offered instantly.

“What?” Marinette gaped unflatteringly at him. “Adrien – you hate modelling! You really don’t need to do something like this for me!”

“No, really, it’s no problem. I’ll talk to my father about it. He knows we’re friends. He’ll probably be glad I want to model at all. In fact, he may thank you on bended knee,” he said, smiling crookedly.

“Well, that’ll be the day,” Marinette joked. “And a sight worth seeing. But you don’t have to.” She said again, feeling speechless at how unhesitatingly he offered to do something he hated for her sake.

“I’m happy to,” he replied. “Mme. Oppenord’s your supervisor? I’ll get Nathalie to tell her—” his phone rang. “Speaking of which. I have to go. I’ll see you?” He added hopefully.

Marinette wasn’t sure why he wanted to, but she would never object to seeing Adrien. If she did, the people around her ought to check for Akumatization or something of the sort. “Of course.”

Juliet and Andy pounced on her the moment Adrien left the table. “You didn’t tell us you were dating Adrien Agreste!” Andy cried.

“I’m not,” she protested. “We went to college together, and our best friends are dating. We’re just friends.” The words didn’t give her pain as they had back in college. Yes, she still loved Adrien, but he didn’t have to return her feelings. She liked being friends. It was fine.

“Didn’t look like it,” Juliet said, her eyes glittering. “But okay. Looks like we have a matchmaking job, Andy.”

Marinette crossed her arms. “Don’t you dare,” she scolded.

They dared.

When the son of the owner of the company requested something, things apparently moved rather fast. The very next time she went to her internship with her designs, Mme. Oppenord had frostily declared that an appointment with Adrien Agreste for modelling her designs had been set. She’d been rather hurtful about the fact that she clearly thought it was nepotism and not talent until she took a look at Marinette’s designs. Then she gaped, and behaved much nicer.

She was also pretty supportive. Marinette had stocked and organized the wardrobe, making friends with a couple of the interns helping, though some had looked down on her, all of them obviously being out of lycée. Mme. Oppenord had also let her select the colour palette of decoration of somebody’s party (with plenty of criticism, of course, but it was the thought that counted).

Adrien had met her at the cafeteria once more, this time walking her down to the gate. Andy had giggled and pushed her at him once.

After all these years, you’d think she’d be used to pushy friends shoving her at him. But nope.

He caught her by the waist, and just laughed while she stammered in apology and embarrassment. “Don’t worry about it, Marinette. After all these years, I’ve kind of grown used to it.”

“I really am madly clumsy,” Marinette tried to laugh it off. An odd look passed over his face.

“That can be an endearing quality,” he said softly. She nearly had a heart attack. Did he mean to call her endearing? Did he--? But no, he couldn’t. “I’ll see you Saturday evening for the shoot?”

“Why is it so soon?” She frowned, glad to get off-topic from her ‘endearing’ clumsiness.

Adrien smiled ruefully. “Father’s overjoyed, like I said he would be. He’s taking the opportunity to start the new advertising campaign he wanted me to star in. He wasn’t very happy with cutting down my modelling, even if it was for learning about the business instead.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, unable to think of anything else. At this point, as bad as it sounded, she was used to the way Adrien’s father acted with him.

He ruffled his hair. “Well, at least it’s for a good cause. Can’t wait to wear something of your design again,” he winked and headed back to the building, leaving her blushing.

“And she says there’s nothing romantic between them,” Juliet giggled.

Marinette scolded her all the way to the train station where they were leaving Andy and walking home.

Somehow, Juliet and Andy weaseled their way into the photoshoot. Andy was there helping with the jewellery anyway, but Juliet winked at her, rushing after the photographer in an effort to ‘assist’.

Marinette loved her new friends, but really.

Adrien had been right that one time: photoshoots and modelling were long and boring. Although assisting with the wardrobe, and exchanging glances and smiles with Adrien, and making sure her pieces were done justice and were right for Jagged and her website and glaring at Andy and Juliet made them less so.

The photoshoot went well enough, despite a couple hiccups and Vincent’s despairing that Adrien had had such a long break from modelling (exactly two weeks) and would continue taking a break after this (indefinitely).

What Juliet and Andy did afterwards though? The. Last. Straw.

She was going to kill them. Painfully. Despite Tikki’s admonishments about Ladybug having to be a model for good behaviour.

And now she was facing a celebratory dinner date with Adrien.

Great.

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Seven. Cooties, Discall, and Flirting

warnings: swearing, also I used the word “flirt” so many times it no longer holds meaning so beware word count: 4k 

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: putting it up here this time!!!! i liked this chap so i hope you do too!!!!! if you didn’t see the missing dms from part 3 (which are now actually in part 3), bugsy agreed to a minecraft date with dream in exchange for karl touring her on his smp!! anyway, enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**********

The frosty air bit at Y/n's skin as she hurriedly shut the car door behind her, starting up her car in an attempt to find warmth as quickly as possible. "Why do I live here?" she asked through chattered teeth, causing Naomi to laugh.

"It's not that cold!"

"I don't know how you're okay with this."

"Do you want me to drive? You're so stiff you'll crash,” Naomi offered as she looked at Y/n.

"I'm fine, I just need to warm up for a second," Y/n assured as she rubbed her hands together in front of the heater.

Naomi giggled and took her hands, rubbing them to help heat them up.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Now hurry up, I have a work meeting in like 30 minutes."

"What?" she gasped, quickly putting her gloves back on. "Why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have spent so much time looking at Christmas decorations!"

"I'm just kidding. But Karl will be mad if he has to wait for his food any longer."

"You're seriously the worst." She smacked Naomi's arm and started driving, much less panicked than a few moments prior.

"You love me."

"Whatever. How's your internship going by the way?"

Naomi sighed. "Good. It's really hard to be motivated to go since it's unpaid but it's the last thing I need to graduate so I have to do it."

"But you enjoy it, right? I mean it's what you want to do."

"Yeah, no, I love it. I just wish I was getting paid so I didn't have to work at the grocery store too. I wish I could get paid to play video games like you."

Y/n deflated slightly. She hated when people put it like that, it made her sound like it wasn't a real job but it was challenging in its own way. "I'll teach you how to pvp and you'll be on your way to the top."

"Maybe then I could actually meet George myself instead of waiting around for you to do it."

"Wait!" Y/n gasped. "Did I not... did I not tell you about the other night?"

"Uh... I guess not? What happened?"

Y/n squealed. "Dude! Make a Discord account right now. Get your phone out and make one."

"Why? What is that?"

"It's the thing we all use to voice call during streams and in private and stuff. Come on!" Y/n used her right hand to urge Naomi to grab her phone. "George said you can't have his number but you can have his Discord."

"Wait, really??" Naomi gasped. "Wait, what does that mean!? I can talk to him on it!?"

Y/n laughed. "Yes, yes! You can text or voice call or even video call but I don't suggest that right away. Don't scare him away."

"He really said he'd add me back? Wait, when did you talk to him about me?"

"On Dream's stream. After the movie, I went and talked to them for a few hours."

"Is that why I heard you giggling at four in the morning?"

Y/n felt her cheeks heat up. "Okay, well, that was just with Dream. George and Sapnap left the call around one and two."

"Date."

"Sounds to me like someone doesn't want GeorgeNotFound's Discord..."

Y/n saw Naomi cower shyly. "Sorry. Please give it to me."

"I don't know it off the top of my head, silly. So be nice for the rest of the car ride and I'll get it when we get home."

"Is Karl meeting us at our apartment or his?"

"Ours. Can you tell him we're almost there?"

"I don't know if I have the strength to... talk to someone who's such good friends with... my love..." Naomi started with a dramatic sigh, "it just reminds me of the pain I go through daily... without him..."

"If that were true, you couldn't talk to me. I'm also good friends with Mr. Not Found."

Naomi threw her head to glare at Y/n, who just laughed. "Come on, text Karl. Please. His food will get cold."

Y/n watched as Naomi typed away on her phone. Soon, the two pulled up to their apartment complex and headed upstairs. Y/n turned the corner and walked down the hall to see Karl standing at their front door.

"KARL JACOBS! WE HAVE FOOD!"

He looked up quickly from his phone and beamed at them. "My heroes!"

"What are you doing outside, silly?" Y/n asked. "Don't you have a key?"

"Naomi made me give it back after I pulled that prank on you guys last month," he explained as Y/n unlocked the door.

"Well deserved. I still find glitter everywhere."

Y/n set the food on the counter and the other two crowded around. "Thank you, mother, for lunch," Karl joked and kissed her cheek loudly, his love language of physical touch jumping out of him. Y/n grimaced playfully as she wiped her cheek on her shoulder.

"GROSS!!! COOTIES!"

Karl pouted. "I thought we were best fwends, Y/n . Best fwends don't have cooties."

"You do. You're a boy."

Y/n's phone lit up as Karl started going on a joking rant about how Y/n  always is so mean to his affections and he can't help wanting to show his friends he loves them and how she's so mean and, "Y/n you're not even listening to my complaints how are we supposed to be best friends when you're too busy talking to your boyfriend all the time and—"

"Boyfriend?" Y/n looked up quickly, worried he had seen the text from Peter that she just read. He was still trying to convince her to talk to him even after she bluntly told him no and why.

Karl walked over to the couch with his food and sat next to Naomi. "I was just joking... why, is there someone?" he giggled. "Dreeeaam maybe?"

Y/n shook her head, and her lack of defensiveness made Naomi and Karl look at each other. Normally she turned bright red and stumbled over her words when they joked about anyone being her boyfriend, but she was stone cold silent as her phone continued to illuminate her face.

"Y/n... What's up?" Naomi asked. "Is it Peter again?"

"Peter?" Karl's eyebrows raised and his food almost fell out of his mouth. "He's been texting you?"

Y/n sighed, locking her phone and sliding it in her pocket before finally joining her friends on the couch. "It's nothing."

"No, it's not."

"He wants to talk," Y/n mumbled.

"What?" Karl asked genuinely.

"I said he wants to talk."

Karl just stared for a few moments before looking at Naomi, who nodded, then back at Y/n. "You're not going to, right? Right? You've got to be kidding me, Y/n, he's a selfish dick and he's just going to keep hurting you. Why do you keep giving him the benefit of the doubt when he's proven time and time again that he's nothing but a fuc—"

"Karl!" Y/n interrupted. "I'm obviously not going to talk to him."

Karl's face flushed, probably embarrassed that he had assumed the worst and ranted. He sighed, exasperated. "Why don't you just block him already?"

Y/n shrugged. "He's harmless now that I don't let his words get to me."

"I'm just glad you finally decided not to meet up with him," Naomi said.

Y/n  shrugged like it was an obvious choice, but deep down she couldn't help but think about the exact reason she had come to that decision. Besides all the pain he had caused her, how could she consider getting back together with her ex when she finds herself giddy about talking to someone else over Discord? Simple: she couldn't. The possibility of liking Dream briefly crossed her mind, and she knew that in the few weeks she had talked to him, the faceless man she had never met in real life made her feel better about herself than her ex-boyfriend ever did in the two years they dated. She wasn't sure quite what that meant, but she knew it was something.

"Can I have George's Dis...call or whatever it's called now? Please?"

Y/n laughed at the failed attempt at remembering the name of the application and pulled out her phone, directing Naomi on where to add friends and listing off his name and hashtag. Naomi then gave Y/n her name so she could tell George who to add back. "There, now leave me alone about George for the rest of your life."

Naomi giggled giddily before going to her room, eyes glued to her phone for the moment he would add her back.

"I'm sorry for being so bossy when it comes to Peter," Karl muttered.

Y/n shrugged and cuddled into the couch, hugging a pillow to her stomach. "I get that he was awful, but you have to trust me to know what to do."

"I do! I promise I trust you but..." Karl paused to groan, "but he just makes my blood boil. I've never hated anyone in my life but I would love to slice his head off if I ever got the chance."

"Thank you for being protective, but I promise I can handle myself."

Karl looked at her sadly. "Why did you stay with him for so long? Even after he cheated on you and said all those horrible things?"

She shrugged shamefully. "I had no one else."

"You had me and Naomi! Y/n, you've never been alone."

"That's not what I mean, Karl. I love you guys so much but it's not the same as dating someone, you know?"

"I guess..." he sighed. "But wouldn't you rather be alone than with someone who's so possessive you're afraid to tell him about your real job?"

Y/n dropped her shoulders. He had a point. She really shouldn't have stayed with Peter as long as she did. He was scary. "Yeah."

A scream from the other room snapped them out of their serious conversation. "HE ADDED ME BACK!"

Y/n laughed and Karl shook his head. "Poor George. He's about to regret so much," she predicted.

"Noooo... I'm sure he and Naomi will get along great," Karl argued. "They'll be friends at least."

"Maybe. Hey, any updates about cameragirl?"

Karl blushed immediately and Y/n smiled.

"Is that a yes??"

"I... may have... finally spoken to her. Y/n, she's so cute. Like, she's so nice and I want to protect her from everything."

"What did you guys talk about?!" Y/n gasped, sitting up quickly.

"You're going to be so disappointed in me..."

"Did you talk about Sonic the Hedgehog again? Karl, I swear—"

"No! But I only said like two words."

"What two words?"

"Um, I said hi, and then she asked how I was and I said good."

"KARL!"

"I know!" he said as he buried his face in his hoodie sleeves. "I'm the worst! I don't know how to talk to her! She's so cute!!!"

Y/n laughed endearingly and pulled his hands away. "My offer still stands, I'll teach you how to flirt if you want."

"No, I still don't believe that you can actually flirt."

"I totally can, but fine. Ask Naomi to help you if you don't trust me. She'd teach you if you want." Y/n looked down at her phone as it lit up with notifications from Twitter.

As if he knew by the smile on her face who it was, Karl challenged, "Flirt with Dream to prove you can."

"I have nothing to prove to you," Y/n mumbled, standing up. "But he wants to call me so I'm going to my room. You're welcome to stay here or go home since Naomi's still in her room too."

"Mkay," Karl said. "I'll just stay here for now. Thanks again for the food."

"No problem, dude." Y/n disappeared to her room and opened Discord on her computer, waiting for Dream to call her. She answered when he finally did.

"Hi, Dream," she smiled into her headset.

"Hi, Bug. What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I was just explaining to Karl how good I am at flirting because he doesn't believe that I'm good."

"I don't either."

"What?" she laughed. "Why does no one think I can? Have you seen all the thirsty people flirting with me on Twitter? You included."

"Yeah, but you hardly flirt back. You just insult us."

"I can flirt when I want to."

"Prove it."

"...I don't want to."

"Why? Because you can only flirt with your boyfriend?"

"Are you trying to get me to admit I have a secret lover?"

"Yes."

"Well too bad, I don't."

"Interesting... so you," he paused, careful with his words, "so you decided... not to listen to whats-his-face?"

"Mhm," she hummed, not trusting her voice to stay steady. Why was she nervous? She crossed her fingers hoping that he wouldn't ask how or why she came to that conclusion. She didn't have a lie ready to hide the fact that it might have something to do with Dream.

"Then there's no reason you can't flirt with me."

Y/n sighed dramatically but still smiled. "Why did you call me? Just to make fun of my flirting abilities?"

"No, I called because I'm bored."

"Wow, so I'm just a backup when GeorgeNotFound and Sapnap are busy?"

"Actually, I called you before I tried either of them."

"Interesting..." she mocked him and he scoffed.

"Stop changing the subject and flirt with me!!! Give me your best pickup line!! Why won't you?"

"How about because I reserve flirting for people who deserve it?"

"Oh, it's that good, huh? You have to be on a VIP list to be flirted with by you?"

"Yeah," she laughed, completely joking. "It's life-changing."

"How do I get on that list?"

"Why do you want me to flirt with you so bad, you weirdo?"

"Because you said it's life-changing! And because I just don't believe that you're good at flirting."

"Why? What about me screams that I'm an awkward mess?"

"Everything!" he laughed. "Every time I've witnessed anyone flirt with you you just get all embarrassed and change the subject. Or on Twitter when we flirt with you, you almost always just reject us outright. People like that aren't smooth."

"Fine. I'll flirt with you, Dream. Not now but when you least expect it and it'll leave you so speechless that you'll never question me again."

"Good. I'm excited."

She snorted lightly and shook her head. "You're ridiculous."

"Oh, hey, you know how I said Sapnap, George, and I wanted to do a big hangout thing with everyone?"

"Yes! Is it happening??"

"Yeah! We still don't know exactly when but George mentioned he thinks New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are stupid holidays so we want to get everyone together in person for that to prove it's a great holiday."

"I mean... I'm kinda with George on this one," Y/n agreed.

"What?! How? It's the start of a New Year! It's an excuse to kiss someone and you start the year with all your friends and loved ones and-"

"It's literally just another day. The only thing that changes is people accidentally put the wrong year when they write dates down for the first month."

Dream laughed. "That's stupid. No. It's a good holiday."

"Whatever. You'll just have to prove to me that it's good."

"I will."

"And the thing you said about having an excuse to kiss someone is stupid. If you wanna kiss someone, just kiss them."

"That easy, huh?"

"Yes."

Dream hummed thoughtfully, a mischievously playful tone to it that made Y/n change the subject slightly to spare her heart from beating too hard.

"So he's coming for New Years'?"

"Okay, yeah, so he doesn't know exactly what date but we're trying to get as many of our friends as we can to come so we have to plan around everyone. Also obviously you and Karl and Naomi are invited."

"Oh, Naomi too? Good, because I think they're talking to each other right now."

"They are," Dream laughed. "George texted me when she added him and he panicked because he doesn't know how to talk to girls."

"What?!" Y/n gasped in offense. "That's his and my thing! Why didn't he text me panicking??"

"He said he was going to text you but since it's your friend he felt awkward."

She grunted. "Fine. I guess that makes sense. Except, I know her better than anyone so I'd be waaay more helpful than you."

"You saying I don't know how to talk to girls?"

"I mean, you've used so many pickup lines on me on Twitter and I'm still not wowed, so yeah, I'd say you aren't as smooth as you'd like to think."

"Bug! What?! I'm totally good at talking to girls," Dream tried to defend, pulling excuses out of his ass. "I just haven't used my best tactics because you're easier to scare away than most. As I said, you can't dish it or take it so I have to use special moves."

"They still haven't worked." The quick beating of her heart and shaking of her hands informed her that that was a lie. Every time he replied to her tweets, the painful grin on her face proved it was a big, fat lie. Maybe she was a little impressed at his "special moves" but she wasn't going to ever admit that to him.

"Whatever, you liar. Anyway, we were thinking of renting a cabin on a lake or something like that for everyone to stay in."

"Oh! Yes, that sounds so fun! I love lake houses so much."

"Good. I'm gonna talk to George and the other brits and see if that's doable. It's gonna happen. I promise. I'm tired of not seeing my friends."

"Wait, how many people are you guys thinking? I'm still nervous about showing people my face..."

"It's a rough list but basically Sapnap, George, Quackity, Karl, Wilbur, Niki, um, Tubbo, Tommy, who else.... I think that's it right now. We'll make sure you know them and are comfortable with them so you don't feel pressured to show strangers who you are."

She nodded to herself. "Okay. I could also just not come if I'm not comfortable with someone—"

"What?!" he asked loudly, genuinely surprised. "Wha— no. We just wouldn't invite them."

"But—"

"I'd way rather have you there than anyone else. Hell, I'd kick George or Sapnap out if you didn't want to show them your face."

"Wait, really?"

"No pressure but I really want you to come and I want to make sure your comfortable."

"What if I don't want to show you my face?"

There was a long pause and Y/n knew he was trying to control his voice so she didn't know he was disappointed or slightly offended. "I mean... I don't know. I guess I... wouldn't go."

Her heart cracked at the sadness in his voice.

"I really don't want you to be pressured into—"

"Dream," she said. "It's okay. I'm probably most comfortable with meeting you over anyone else."

"Really?"

She didn't trust her voice not to sound too sappy and giddy. She didn't trust it a lot when she was around Dream. "Mhm."

"I'm glad," he said happily but softly. "It will be fun. Also, give me your phone number."

"So forward of you, Dream."

"Shut up, I wanna make a group chat."

Y/n laughed and told him her number. "I'm really excited now, Dream! I haven't hung out with people in so long and it sounds like a fun little vacation."

Dream laughed at her excitement. "I just want to hug the shit out of George."

It was Y/n's turn to laugh loudly. "Have you met him in real life yet?"

"No."

"I doubt he'll even let you touch him. He doesn't seem touchy."

"I don't think he is but I don't care. I am very touchy so he won't have a choice but to hug me."

"Ugh, another touchy person. Gross."

"Are you not?"

"Not really. Karl is the touchiest person I have ever met so he's kinda rubbed off on me a little over the years I think, but in general no."

"Oh, yeah, he's already threatened to kiss all of us as soon as we meet," Dream said with a laugh.

"Best to just let it happen. He pouted earlier because I wiped my cheek after he kissed it."

"That doesn't sound like something someone who can flirt would do."

"Because I'm not flirting with Karl!" Y/n groaned but a laugh was behind her words. "What is with you guys?"

"You just can't be on Karl and my level of flirting if we don't see it! Can't be in the gang if you don't show us your skill."

"Just you wait, Dream. You'll see."

"Wait, what about our Minecraft date?"

"What about it?"

"When we do that, you have to flirt with me!"

"No, I don't," she protested with a loud laugh.

"Um, I'm pretty sure it's very rude to not sweet-talk your date. You have to flirt with me then."

Y/n giggled. "Oh yeah? And what if I don't?" She hadn't meant for her voice to come out laced with something suggestive, but if Dream noticed, he thankfully didn't show it.

"Well, we'll just have to keep going on dates until you do."

"Pretty sure forcing someone on dates is illegal, buddy."

Dream laughed. "You agreed to it!!"

"I agreed to the first one," she corrected. "I agreed to one date in exchange for you letting Karl tour me around your server. One."

"Don't worry." Unlike Y/n's, Dream's voice was purposefully laced with something suggestive as he told her, "after our date, it won't take much for you to agree to more."

"Oh whatever," she scoffed, trying to cool her face down with her icy hands. Even they were no match for the heat on her cheeks. "When are we doing this stupid thing anyway?"

"Ah, the smooth talking has begun, I see."

"Dreeeamm..." she whined, growing increasingly tired of the butterflies in her stomach. Why did she suddenly feel so nervous around him? It's not sudden, she told herself.

Dream's cute laugh interrupted her thoughts. "What about tomorrow?"

"I'm streaming Among Us tomorrow."

He groaned. "You never make time for me."

"I cannot stand you," she joked, laughs slipping through her annoyed voice and blowing her cover. "You're the one who said you were too busy to join my lobby. So really you don't make time for me."

"No, no, no," he protested. "I'd make time for one-on-one time with you, just not a game where I hardly get to talk to you."

"Oh my gosh." She rolled her eyes. "How did you turn this around to sound cute again."

"Aw, Bug, you think I'm cute?"

"You ruined it by asking. What are you doing tomorrow anyway?"

"I have to finish a plug-in by tomorrow night so George and I can test it. There's still a lot to fix so it'll probably will take all day."

"Oooh," she cooed. "What's it do?"

"It changes the world every time we take damage," he explained with a hint of pride in his voice.

"What the! That sounds awesome!"

"Thanks," he said shyly, proudness gone now that he was being complimented. "Anyway, George is really busy next week so we have to test it tomorrow night so we can record the next day."

"You probably should finish it then."

"Or you could cancel your stream and we could go on a date."

"Dream!" She laughed. "No! How about next week. Between you editing the video you record, we go on a Minecraft date. How's Thursday?"

"I guess I could fit you into my schedule..."

"I hate you."

His cheeky grin could be heard through his stupid words. "Keep telling yourself that."

PREVIOUS | NEXT

A/N: *sniff* *sniff* yall smell a hater in those twitter screenshots?? hmmm..... 

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[xxrainstormxx]

Save it Lover Boy. Spencer Reid x Reader (Save it for the Doctor Part 2)

(A/N: In this story it’s been a few months. I’m not great at focusing on the Romance part but there is a little more than there was last time. I really hope you guys enjoy!) Word count: 2,405 Part 1 (edit: my pleas for requests for stories are not reaching people so I will beg here. If you want a oneshot I’ll write it. Prompt or no prompt.)

After the incident with my sister, my life was flipped around for the better. I began to date Spencer, the team being unaware. I finished college and thanks to a few strings JJ and Aaron had pulled I was now the BAU's personal assistant. Granted, it was a unpaid internship so it was not very glamorous but it got me the experience I need, especially if I want to be apart of this specific team. I was the one who got coffee, filled out unrelated paper work, helped JJ set up stations and boards. I still hadn't quite gotten used to that sinking feeling when the phone rings. Or when JJ approaches your desk, or the photos. You never get used to not sleeping in your own bed, the hotels, no moments of privacy, the monsters, families loosing each other. Or the pictures, it's disgusting. I especially never got used to how numb all my friends were numb to it all at the end of the day. Especially Spence, he'd been through utter hell and yet he was still sweet and managed to smile. It worried me sometimes, how relaxed they could be at the end of the day. 

So, JJ and I were setting up everything on the board. I frowned at the woman on the board. Only one, we caught it just in time for it to become a murder. It made me sick to think there was a possibility we could save the 25 year old, but instead we were called in after it became a bigger problem which made me feel sick. How easily someone gets away with something until they commit the actual murder. This woman was a very lively person. She clearly didn't deserve what she had gotten. "Samantha Burkly" JJ said softly "Poor woman." She said and left to talk to the others leaving me sitting in the conference room just tapping away at the laptop provided. I was also little Miss Penelope Garcia's assistant so I was stuck digitizing files she didn't want to, and it fucking sucked dirty dick. Yeah, let that sink in. Anyway I felt a few pairs of eyes on me only to look up and see the team staring at me through the cursed window of the room. "What?" I rose a brow causing a few to look away Spencer's eyes lingering, he was waiting for something. I don't think either of us knew what so I blew him a kiss and a subtle wink making him look away turning pink. That same shade of pink when he found me innocent and began what I would come to know as a very normal rant. His epiphanies, or what I called "braingasms" (which he absolutely despised), would strike a chord 99% of the time, and the other 1% could be brushed off as "Reid being Reid" which kinda upset me. He was a damn genius and yet no one seemed to want to listen. Sure I hadn't been around as long a the others but I would sit and listen to Spence talk for hours when on dates, I would nod, as questions and get very thoughtful and honest answers. Sure they weren't always what someone would want to hear, but did anyone ever tell you it would be good news. Reid and I could also have a very thoughtful debate. Now was that normal for couples, no, probably not. But at least he had facts to back up his opinion, making it a real debate and not just some senseless argument that fell into pointless attacks on the other person leading to a fight and rough makeup sex. Which I wouldn't mind but it'd only been a few months, and didn't wanna make an uncomfortable situation we could easily talk through anyway. What was I doing? Right, paperwork. 

As I ended my very long side rant and staring into space while also staring directly at Spencer's ass, I turned to my computer. "You shouldn't stare at people baby cakes." I heard causing me to jump out of my damn seat. "I was staring into space. Jesus Derek you scared the shit out of me!" I cursed glancing to the man with his nose in a file I was digitizing, "Sorry hun. But we need a fresh pair of eyes" he said gesturing to a new less dusty file on the table in front of my computer. I recognized the face on the front as the same woman on the board. Her name written on the front clear as day. I knew what was inside and I was proud to have not seen it but now it disturbed me that my eyes were being referred to as "Fresh" in that way. It made me feel dirty and violated in a whole new way. "Why? You guys know this case inside and out. I'm just the intern." I said and snatched the older file out of his hand. I knew this poor case inside and out by now. Decapitation and sexual assault of the esophagus. Real nasty shit ya know? The woman was 22 and then a man was found two weeks later with the same thing. But the case went cold 7 years ago. It was sad. The woman's mother had killed herself and the man's father disowned his son assuming he was gay because a man did that to the literally gaping hole in his neck. It was one of the bigger case files full of dead ends. I had become intimately aware of all the details of the case, even the signature, something overlooked by the police because they thought decapitation and violation of the hole in the neck was it, and while rare that wasn't the case. It was a soft lipstick mark left on the victims hands next to the stamp of the club they went too. It was pink so very easily missed. "Because baby, you're gonna need to get used to this if you ever wanna be promoted. You can't react like you did back in January and vomit on the floor." Derek chided me softly "Fine, But you have to stop calling me baby, we aren't together. Also stop touching the files they're in alphabetical order and you're fuckin it up" I hissed smacking his hand away from another file at the bottom of the stack. "pissin me off Agent Moron" I wailed as he laughed at the new insult. I could literally feel Spencer's jelousy from the next room. It was honestly kind of cute but I could not be thinking of my boy's sweet face at the moment, I was about to see what really happened to poor Samantha Burkly. I took the new file off the table and opened it to the pictures and I was hit with a familiarity. "Derek this isn't funny. I was just looking at this file" I declared nonchalantly as I lobbed it back onto the table going back to the laptop "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked "that's a brand new file" He said "A red headed woman decapitated with semen in her esophagus and a pink lipstick mark on her hand next to it? That Hellen Barsly not the Burkly girl" I stated "You leave out Jason Green to make it more realistic?" I muttered never once looking up "Pin lipstick mark?" he questioned grabbing the file "I'll be damned there it is. You barely looked at it. That woman is Samatha Burkly" he blinked "Har har Derek" I hissed snatching the file and opened the file as Spencer walked in to listen. I barely acknowledged him because I was pissed at this point.

"I know the Banshee Hunter of West Point case better than my own fucking computer history" I said and held it up to the picture before being shocked as I saw that the decapitated woman was in fact Samantha. Right next to her living photo. "The what?" Reid asked, clearly never having heard of it. "Oh my god. OH MY GOD" I yelled and ran back to my seat pulling out all the files related to The BHWP case, I knew full well that this case was bigger than it seems. "Penelope has me on digital file duty and these cases caught my attention for some reason. The case went cold 7 years ago." I mumbled pulling up all the files that were back at the office in my desk as I'd finished them. I had a whole folder for all the connected cases, even ones where the M.O and victimolgy had changed. "The first murder dated back to 1970. A woman by the name of Jenny Boil had disappeared, she was 24 years old. Found decapitated in the middle of the highway her esophagus had been sexually assaulted. She had red hair with a soft pink kiss mark on her hand and her mouth had been stretched open like a banshee. And because her hair was red along with numerous victims leading up to the sudden coldness of the case. There are cases where the victimology changed completely or the M.O so the police never connected them or assumed they were copy cats" I rambled as I quickly set up a time line that ended with Samantha "and now hes back with the latest victim" I hit enter and the time line stretched across the screen victims all over the screen. "the pink lip stick marks. Originally they were thought to be remorse but I think this guy has some kind of fucked up chivalrous attempt" I squawked and pushed my chair to the whiteboard standing on it feeling eyes on me. I didn't know or care how many. I heard frantic flipping and click me. "This guy has over 100 known victims only 12 of them not red heads. Only 11% of his victims don't fit the victims and only 3 don't fit the M.O of the others making that 2%!" I yelled as if I was Spencer. I could feel my face turning red with adrenaline. "Now all of these cases 100 percent all have a kiss mark on the hand, same brand and color of lipstick, A frosted pink lipstick, 67 Peach Pink from the brand Nestacia" I wrote that down "And all these cases I noted have three different overlapping suspects" I said pushing Spencer out of the way of my computer and printed up their pictured and grabbed them hanging them up "Now!" I continued slapping the board "This man right here is no Biological male! His name is Tyler Grant a 59 Year old trans man! He couldn't have done it but that doesn't mean he couldn't have helped" I said noticing the whole team in the room. No one tried to interrupt because I assumed I looked batshit insane. 

I was right cause I caught my refection and my hair was everywhere now, I was sweating, and my pupils were shaking. I didn't care I was on a roll. "There is no plausible way the semen belongs to him!" I said "These also can't be a copy cat killer-" I began before being unceremoniously interrupted again "But how do you-" he began before i loudly shushed Spencer. "Save it lover boy! I'm getting to that! Lemme talk your turn in over" I said making him smile just a little "As i was saying, it can't be a copy cat killer because there was also another unnoticed factor! The strange shape of the lips! No one draws on their lips this way but the pallet is larger on one side than the other. The killer has a cleft pallet, which cannot be a coincidence!" I said "and as you can see! This man right here! Leston Nikolia has a cleft pallet. But because they never had proof he'd done it due to the overlooked lipstick marks he walked free!" I yelled circling him "And we don't talk about Henry for the simple fact that he is Impotent and was in jail during the last 7 murders before Samantha and he's dead now!" I finished and took a large inhale and sat down "the lip stick is enough reasonable suspicion to bring him in for questioning. He's a coward. He cannot face people head on and most likely has high anxiety and is easily paranoid it wouldn't be hard to get a correct confession." I panted "Reid! Is this what it feels like when you solve a fucking problem? I feel like my brain just had 7 orgasms" I wished sitting back "It was always circumstantial but now that there a new victim sitting in front of me I'm sure it was him" I wished taking more deep breaths "I'm going to call Garcia and see if I can get a fact check on everything." Aaron began making my heart sink, please please don't discredit everything I just gave you. "JJ can you get us a location? Reid get started on a warrant the minute JJ gets it, Derek get a game plan together, Prentiss and I will do more investing on this Nikolia guy, and (Y/N)." he finished turning to me. "Keep going over every file you have and see if you can connect anymore of these murders. Good work" He said and the team began to work. "Holy shit" I gasped and Spencer smiled at me "You might have just solved this case." He said kissing my forehead "and I'm so damn proud" he whispered. I was still riding my knowledge high, the adrenaline still pumping so not caring that we were at work, I kissed Spencer straight on the lips. He froze because we were still in a work setting but slowly kissed back. His lips were soft, we hadn't had a proper first kiss, just forehead kisses, cheek pecks, and occasional pecks on the lips if Spencer was feeling sausey. I just giggled pulling back "That was... so much at once. How does your brain do that all the time?" I asked "Mine's been doing it a lot longer. See you after work okay?" he whispered and went to do his job "Right. Work" I whispered and sighed turning to my laptop cracking my knuckles doing real work for the first time in my internship. Who knows, maybe me and Penelope could do this kind of thing together!

[cancerbiophd]

hello! i was looking through your career stories tag and was inspired to ask for some advice of my own. lately i've been feeling very lost in undergrad. in high school, i was super successful, had goals and stuck to them, and had a path in mind. however, i ended up revising that plan a million times, and now i feel super behind in comparison to my peers. i feel like i lack a ton of skills and that i'm not where i should be (1/2)

(2/2) do you have any advice? and do you/your followers have any stories about people who were successful, got stuck in a rut, but found their way back? i keep reading stories about people who didn’t do well in school then found a successful career, but i never hear about people who were successful in school, got lost, then recovered, and it makes me wonder if there’s hope for me

Hi anon! (Thanks for sending in that 2nd part again after tumblr ate it the first time round)

I fee like I took a similar path to you, and before I launch into my story, here’s my advice on some things you can try:

Break the bad habit of comparing oneself to others. We are all unique, with unique pasts, presents, and futures. To compare two people’s achievements or lack of achievements is unfair. That’s giving an experimental treatment to a sick person and another to someone already healthy and then comparing the results directly to each other. Not a good scientific study huh. Well, we should look at our lives like that too. It’ll take time and practice and a lot of active thinking, but let’s all try our hardest not to compare ourselves to others. We are all carving out our own paths. 

Talk to others with experience and get their insight. Talk to your professors, your counselors, your parents, your parents’ friends, and even older students (like me!). Ask them for advice. Ask them what opportunities you have. Ask them what career choices one can make with your interests and goals. Basically, broaden your knowledge of what’s out there in the world so you can find a niche to fit in. I really wish I had done this because I was very myopic in that “interest in biomedicine” = “clinical doctor or bust!”. I didn’t know that I could go to grad school to study cancer research and then go work in a biotech company (my current path and goal). 

Once you find a career path that interests you, try to experience what “a day in the life of” is like. Because something that sounds great on paper may not be a good fit in person, and vice versa. Options for this include: volunteering, internships, entry-level jobs, shadowing, informational interviews (where you talk to someone in the field in a casual setting and ask them what their job is like), and well-rounded research. Doing things like working in the field or even shadowing also gives you the benefit of learning transferrable skills that could help you on your next step. And that brings me to:

Take a gap year (or a few) if you feel like you need it, especially if you need to gain more experience in a certain field. It’s also a great way to give your body and mind a well-deserved break after decades of school! I took a gap year (well, 2.5 years) to work and get lab experience and it was the best. 

Do not give yourself a timeline. This sounds… counter-intuitive, but what I mean is: do not set goals like “dream job at age 30!!” “a house at age 31!!” because they may be a) unrealistic, and b) could set us up for disappointment. Also, we need to realize that we don’t know what the future will bring, and that it’s also ok to take one’s time. We’re all gonna live until we’re 70-80 anyway right? So let’s just take things one step at a time. We’ll set goals and work towards them, yes, but let’s not set deadlines for ourselves. We’ve had enough deadlines in school already! 

Don’t give up. Things will be ok. I know it’s not.. super helpful for me to say this, but it’s a real point to make. No matter what happens, keep trying. We can’t reach the light at the end of the tunnel if we stop walking forward, yeah? 

I hope those points are helpful. If you’d like more detail, or have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

Alright, now to my story, because I feel like I may have gone through the same thing you’re going through right now, so I want to let you know that times may get tough like it did for me, but if you keep going and trying, things will eventually be ok:

Just like you, I was pretty darn successful in high school, also did well in college (like good grades, had goals and met them, etc). I always knew my path was going to lead me somewhere amazing, because that’s how I was brought up my entire life. Then I got stuck in a rut because my original plan A (med school) turned out to not be right for me, and then plan B also turned out not right either (pharmacy school), and then I got straight out rejected from plan C (physician assistant school). I even had to change my major 3 times because of my change of plans (well, one change was because the US recession hit and my college had to cut my original program ugh), so I had to really cram my classes into the summer. I graduated college with a degree that wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to (B.S. in Microbiology, and jobs were still hard to find because of the recession, and basically nowhere to go. I had no job and had no idea what to do (or what I really wanted, really). So I moved back home with a feeling of emptiness that no end in sight. 

My plan was basically to find a job that would open doors for me in the biomedical field. I even got my pharmacy tech license, and I was applying to receptionist positions at clinics. It got to a point where I was so desperate I interviewed to be someone’s personal assistant and they were like “you are way too qualified for this I can’t hire you”. 

And I was so confused as to how I could’ve ended up on the wrong path. I mean, I knew what I did wrong (I didn’t do those point of advice I gave earlier because I didn’t know I had to do them). But I didn’t know how it went so wrong. How did I go from straight A/B’s and proactive student leader in a bunch of clubs to unemployed with no concrete plan in sight? I was bright. I was a hard worker. A fast learner. I knew I could be good at anything I did. This rut I was in wasn’t really supposed to happen. And all the while my friends were going to grad/med school or starting successful careers–a fact my narcissistic and emotionally abusive mother would remind me of every. waking. moment. She would scream at me every day that I was an embarrassment, a disappointment, a “poor investment”, etc. The look of pure hatred she would give me–I have never seen that on another person’s face ever. I couldn’t even see my friends because she essentially put me on house arrest as “punishment”. 

It really was absolute hell. I was cleaning some old storage boxes recently and I found my old diary from that time, and inside was a note. It was a note of despair and resentment and an ending that may have happened… I don’t remember how I got the strength to keep going, but I think I had conjured up the slightest sliver of hope that night, put down my pen, closed the journal, and went to bed. 

So, I kept at it. I studied for the GRE, I looked up grad school programs, and I kept applying to jobs in the biomedical field. I got picked up by a temp agency that was hiring out contract workers to local science companies, and even interviewed for a few available positions. Things were looking a bit better. 

Then I saw a job ad on craigslist looking for a research tech at a lab at my old college. I applied, interviewed, and was turned down. Bummer. Then my mother (in a rare moment of helpfulness) asked a friend of a friend who was a PI in a research institute in Florida if they wanted a totally free unpaid intern. I had a skype interview and they accepted, and I was getting ready to move halfway across the country to be a volunteer with a Bachelor’s degree when I got an email from another new PI at my old college. She had gotten my application from the first PI who I had interviewed with and wanted to meet to see if I could be her research tech. And then literally a week before I was supposed to move to Florida that PI told me she wanted to hire me. Oh thank god. I had graduated in May, and got hired at this position in October. Even though it was only 5 months, it felt like forever for me to finally find my way out of the dark cave and back into the light. 

This PI did research on cancer biomarkers. Working in her lab was one of the best things to ever happen to me: I got the lab experience I was missing, I found a love for cancer research in particular, I applied for (and got into) grad school to study Cancer Biology, and I met a coworker who eventually became my husband (and you betcha we invited the PI to our wedding and asked her to give a speech lol). 

I graduate (hopefully) next semester with my PhD in Cancer Biology, and my husband and I plan on moving to Seattle (a biotech hub) afterwards. I plan on getting a post-doc position at the Fred Hutch Cancer Center, then a scientist position at a local biotech company, and then see where that takes me. Life is good now. Things really did turn out ok. 

I’m so glad I never gave up. 

And I hope you won’t give up either, anon. I pray you don’t have to go through anything as tough but! Yes there’s still hope for you! There is always hope

[whatistimeeven]

“I feel like there’s someone who’s supposed to be in my life who’s not here yet.”

Watching this video right now means a lot to me. I started watching these videos because they were bizarre and I kept watching because I related.

Thoughts on why this dang video struck me so hard (besides the quote above being too real for this moment):

Depression, anxiety, insecurity, and low self-worth are difficult enough.

But feeling ashamed for suffering, and that it’s impossible to reach out to anybody, makes all of that pain exponentially greater.

Right after I graduated with my master’s, I stayed in my apartment for three whole months, barely even leaving my room. I only left my house twice. Once was to go to IHOP at like midnight, and once was for my sister’s birthday. I didn’t even go out to buy groceries. I just ordered food. I didn’t leave my apartment because I was hiding from something. I was hiding from feeling like a failure. I was hiding from fear of not being able to do the career I have worked years towards and put myself into so much debt for. I was exhausted from working an unpaid internship and a part-time job, frequently from hours 12-14 hours a day. I was exhausted from being in school for so many years. I was exhausted from absorbing the trauma of others. I was exhausted from not having time to take care of myself. I felt ashamed for needing a break. I felt ashamed for falling apart.

The fact that I had to hide my suffering from my then-partner should have been an indicator that things weren’t going to work out. I didn’t tell them that I was basically becoming agoraphobic.

Anyway, I maxed out my credit card and ran out of money in my bank account before I finally forced myself to go back to work.

When I came back and everyone at work asked where I had been, I was honest. I told them, “Oh, you know, I wasn’t on vacation. I was just in a pit of depression.” It took away the power that depression had held over me for those months. I even laughed about it. (I even reveled in the fact that people missed me in my absence.) And then just got to work.

I’m still embarrassed every time I explain to someone why I’m not currently using my hard-earned master’s degree. I am still embarrassed thinking about the fact that I did absolutely nothing for months and that I still do mostly nothing during the times that I’m not working. But I am doing something manageable so that my mental health doesn’t spiral completely out of control, and that’s okay and that’s enough for now. I will get to where I need to be when I can get there.

I just wish I didn’t feel so needy when I have to reach out to people. I wish I didn’t feel like such a bother for wanting to talk to or spend time with people. I wish I didn’t assume that nobody wants me around. I wish that I didn’t have such a massive confirmation bias every time someone leaves and I tell myself, “Why aren’t I good enough?” And seeing someone else crying and saying those same words especially fucked me up because I felt a lot for her and then I felt a lot for myself, and that if other people don’t deserve to feel that way because they are enough, then maybe I don’t deserve to feel that way because I’m enough.

Also watching these videos where she’s going on dates or going out to party for the first time in years also makes me reflect on how much in life I miss out on because I’m scared. I have this concert coming up that I was invited to that I’m terrified to go to (and another one the day after for a band I actually care about lol) but I know it won’t be as bad as I’m building it up in my head.

I just want to remind myself that even though I stayed inside for 3 months this summer, in August I dragged myself to work, got all my bills paid, went to three parties and one game night, and took a breakup relatively well. So that’s not nothing. I’m getting through it. I’m living. I’m okay.

“The cure isn’t other people. The cure is me.”

“I am more than the worst things I think about myself.”

[broadwaydork23]

Okay, I’ll also just want to go through a quick list of accomplishments from this year because it was a damn hard one and I’m proud as hell for making it to the other side as easily as I did.

-Okay first of all...I GRADUATED COLLEGE. I HAVE A FUCKING DEGREE. It feels like it was something that was always expected of me since both my parents have Masters, but like...sometimes I forget what an amazing thing that is. I got through it and had an amazing time.

-I applied to 52 fucking internships. That alone is amazing. Even if I only got into 3 and all of those were unpaid...that’s still something, right?

-I got into grad school. I never expected to get another degree but I found a program that’s perfect for me and I GOT IN. Sometimes your story has to change and that’s okay. That’s why we make new plans!

-I completed a really difficult and prestigious internship this summer! I was miserable for a lot of it, but it put me in the mindset for what I want to do and it definitely taught me that I don’t want to be an SM forever.

-I joined EMC! I may only have 6 weeks, but hey! I’m on my way to becoming equity!

-I realized something that I should’ve figured out a long time ago...I want to be a musical theatre historian! And I took my first steps in that direction by picking my grad program and meeting with Jen Tepper. It’s something that will definitely take some time, but I think inside I’ve wanted to do this for a really long time.

-I FINALLY finished my melted crayon art. That thing has been like 2-3 years in the making and it looks FANTASTIC.

-I was okay with ending a toxic relationship instead of trying to hold on like I usually do. I learned that not everyone can be saved and I’m also not the one that always has to save everyone. Some people are better off not being in your life and that’s okay sometimes. Shitty people don’t deserve my friendship.

-I need to grow up and be who I am now. AT helped me realize that and get more comfortable with who I want to be as well as strengthen my actual voice. I’m constantly growing as a performer and the last 6 months have been some of the best work I’ve ever done.

-I survived major phone and laptop crashes within 2 weeks of each other. No one should EVER have to do that shit and I handled both pretty seamlessly.

-I worked my first professional theatre gig that I was paid to do and did DAMN well if I do say so myself! #fringe2016

-I survived summer sunburn 2k16. UGH.

-I started taking the NYC subway! I was way too scared to do that before but it’s not so scary anymore...

-I saw 26 Broadway shows this year. That’s a goddamn MIRACLE.

-I saw every musical this season that was nominated for a Tony. (Except On Your Feet....I’ll get to that.)

-I saw Hamilton. Yeah. That happened. It was the most expensive ticket I’ve ever bought/ever will buy again.

-I saw Lin twice. And he signed my grad cap one of those times.

-I did my first Instagram takeover! #adventureswithSamantha :D

-I was FINALLY in a mainstage at Temple. I may not have ever SMed one, but I got to be in the cast and it was nothing short of incredible from start to finish.

-I learned how to contour my makeup! Woo I can actually do things now!

-I took a dance class again for the first time in a very long time. Hey, tap is fun!

-I sat front row at a late night TV show taping! Colbert was a blast and it was fun to be on TV!

-I was on TV AGAIN, but this time is was for falling flat on my ass. Aka, my video that I sent into America’s Funniest Home Videos a million years ago finally aired! My 3 seconds of fame :D

-I went to a political rally for the first time! #FeeltheBern

-I helped plan the first ever APO formal. Just sayin, we looked great.

-I finally saw all the historical sights in Philly! After 4 years of living here...

-I finished an entire set of LOB showcards! My Spring ‘16 set is actually complete and I feel amazing about that! Now Autumn ‘16 is only 8 cards away from being complete... 

-I found roommates who actually respect me as a person and love living with me. It’s nice to not always be the butt of the joke, ya know? 

-I had a perfect birthday. That’s kinda rare these days but this year pretty much nailed it.

Okay, that’s all I can think of right now, but I’d say this is a pretty bomb-ass list! I’m proud of the strides I made this past year and ready to take on my new year’s resolutions for this year.

[joronomo]

4 Dreamers Who Deserve To Be Deported For The Crime of Being Brought Here By Their Parents

New Post has been published on https://joronomo.com/4-dreamers-who-deserve-to-be-deported-for-the-crime-of-being-brought-here-by-their-parents/

4 Dreamers Who Deserve To Be Deported For The Crime of Being Brought Here By Their Parents

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You may have heard the recent announcement by the Trump administration that they plan on removing the protections of DACA – the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals – a policy implemented by the Obama administration that allowed individuals who immigrated to the United States illegally as minors to receive protections from deportation and become eligible for work permits. The program was enacted to offer protections to individuals who were largely raised in the United States and could not be held accountable for the actions of their parents – and because it would be cruel to tell someone who was brought to the US as an infant that they had to leave for nebulous immigration law reasons, particularly since they were simply people raised in the US, indistinguishable from legal citizens except for their immigration status.

On top of that, there are strict guidelines for DACA – it must be renewed every two years, you must be in school or have graduated high school/gotten your GED, and cannot have committed any felonies or serious misdemeanors, so the individuals who qualify for DACA have significantly lower crime rates than the rest of the population.

Still – they have committed the most heinous crime of all: NOT TELLING THEIR PARENTS THAT BRINGING THEM INTO THE UNITED STATES WAS HIGHLY UNETHICAL. 

1. Here comes the story of a true CRIME INFANT, now going by the pseudonym “pcaedus” on Reddit, who left this damning admission of their criminal choice to remain in the country with their parents, instead of dutifully exiting the United States as a 4 year old by themselves:

DACA recipient here. Came here at 4 from the Korea, 22 years of age now. Grew up through the US education system, never left the US. Graduated last year with a Nursing degree and managed to land a full time nursing gig in a great hospital in the city.

I pay taxes, I have my own place as of last month, got a bunch of great lifelong friends and a fantastic GF, but now I can only legally work and stay here until 2019 when my DACA stuff expires. Then I’m forced to say goodbye to everyone I’ve ever known and start a new life with my skill set somewhere else.

It’s easy to demonize us, say how we don’t belong here, how we should go back where we came from. I’ve had PMs telling me I should kill my parents, others saying how I should spite them, how it’s their fault and I should hate them for it and blame them for their actions. My point is every one of us DACA kids have our own stories, our situations are different. We did come here legally. My parents were sponsored by a corporation in the UK. They screwed them over by cancelling their work visas after. At that point they had already settled here and had investments that tied them down.

At the end of the day they gave birth to me and yes, what they did was unlawful but it’s also because of them that I was the first in my entire family to graduate college. My parents worked hard to give me my education. They scrapped by with cash jobs. We’ve lived in basements and now they’re business owners. It’s hard to understand from my perspective but I’m not going to hold it against them after all they have given me.

The truth is some of us DACA recipients give back so much to US society, we’re new graduates, we hold prestigious degrees from ivy’s, we’re Doctors and Nurses, firefighters, engineers, architects… some of us are even in the military.

I was planning to continue my post-bach education here but unfortunately this is the harsh reality for us if Congress doesn’t do anything in the next 6 months. I’m fortunate for all the experiences I’ve gained here in the US and the memories I have from here will stay with me for a lifetime.

Look at this REMORSELESS admission of crime – it’s almost as if they don’t regret self-deporting themselves as a 4 year old and instead building a wonderful life in the so-called “land of opportunity”! Disgusting.

2. And then we have Jesus Contreras – who was complicit as a 6 year old in his mother’s crime of illegally immigrating to the United States JUST for “a better life” and “to escape a horrible and dangerous situation at home.” And what’s he up to now? ILLEGALLY acting as a paramedic and saving lives in flood-ravaged areas around Houston:

Jesus Contreras, a Houston-area paramedic, barely slept this week. There wasn’t much time for rest after Harvey started pummeling southeast Texaslast Friday. Too many people needed his help — diabetics, cancer patients, elderly folks trapped in their homes.

Contreras camped out at a fire station when he wasn’t rushing around in an ambulance. He didn’t make it back to his house in Spring, a suburb north of Houston, until Thursday afternoon.

Contreras arrived in the United States with his mother when he was 6. They had come from Nuevo Laredo, a city in the Mexican state of Tamaulipas, where their lives were strained by a “violent situation at home.” The promise of a new life in America was partly about “getting away from my dad and the things he was involved with in Mexico,” Contreras said.

He came of age in Houston, working hard through high school and college while volunteering at his local church. He earned his paramedic certification at a community college last year and soon got to work — something that would not have been possible without DACA.

Imagine the gall – saving TRUE AMERICANS as someone who LEGALLY should not have even been there in the first place. If it were me drowning in Houston, I would have said “no thanks” to his illegal attempts at saving my life and died like a REAL PATRIOT.

3. Excuse me while I hold in my vomit – meet Larissa Martinez, the admitted CRIME LORD who confessed in front of everyone that she was UNDOCUMENTED (in her valedictorian speech, because she represented the best of us – someone who strove for her goals and fought to achieve all she could. Also, she’s heading to Yale btw):

This is what happened after a Yale-bound valedictorian in Texas revealed she is an undocumented immigrant:t.co/YamQEsiKjt

— Mic (@mic) June 9, 2016

Terrible – she committed a grievous crime of coming into a country she wasn’t born in just to work for a better life. Unlike us real TRUE Americans, who went through the effort of being born here already.

4. Juan Escalante is your classic ultra-criminal with no redeeming qualities whatsoever – he and his family came into this country WITHOUT ALL THE PROPER PAPERWORK IN ORDER and then he went on to study hard, get a Master’s degree, and work as an immigration advocate. In other words, this guy is pretty much John Dillinger but even worse. Here’s what Juan “Crime-Doer” Escalante wrote in a Medium post:

Imagine being 11 years old, and after living in the United States for over ten years, you are consistently reminded that you would not be able to accomplish much due to your immigration status. That you wouldn’t get a job, go to college, or be accepted in the country that you grew up in due to your immigration status. That is, of course, after graduating from high school, trying to navigate the country’s broken immigration system, and paying taxes.

Then, years later, the U.S. Government comes along with an opportunity for you to pay a fee, undergo a background check, meet particular requirements, and surrender significant amounts private information in exchange for the ability to temporarily shed your fear of deportation, work, and drive. This is exactly what the DACA program did for me, and countless others, give us an opportunity to contribute back to the country that saw us grow up.

Knowing full well that DACA could not give us legal permanent residence or U.S. Citizenship, hundreds of thousands of Dreamers like myself spent the last five years working across the United States. Thanks to DACA, Dreamers have been able to build their lives, go to school, and invest in the economy by buying a home or a car.

And then later was profiled by the New York Times (although maybe it should be called the New York CRIMES, am I right?):

I was working an unpaid internship in 2012 when I caught word of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) announcement via Twitter.

I ran to the office lobby, turned on the TV, and immediately knew right then that life would not be the same. I called my mother in tears and proceeded to tell her that my brothers and I would be able to benefit from a program that would temporarily shield us from deportation while allowing us to work and drive legally. I understood DACA was a temporary program that would not cover parents, but it renewed my commitment to fight for relief for the rest of the immigrant community.

Since that day I have taken every opportunity to grow, learn, and contribute back to my community. In 2013, DACA allowed me to re-enroll at Florida State University and pursue a Master’s degree in Public Administration. By 2014, I was in the middle of working a job in Tallahassee, Florida, studying for my master classes, and advocating at the Florida Legislature for a bill that would allow undocumented students to obtain in-state tuition at state colleges and universities. In a rare display of bipartisanship, the bill passed and was signed into law by Florida’s Republican Governor, Rick Scott.

I graduated with my Master’s in 2015, full of hope and energy that I would be able to put my education to good use. With degrees in hand, I was able to obtain a job as a digital immigration advocate – putting my years of experience and passion to good use. Simultaneously, and thanks to the new in-state tuition law in Florida, I was able to help both of my younger brothers enroll at Miami Dade College and Florida Internation University – they are currently pursuing degrees to work in business and communications, respectively.

The government NEEDS to focus on getting rid of the REAL CRIMINALS – people like Juan, who came here in their youth and have done everything in their power to become productive members of society and work harder than everyone else.

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[dreamingaboutcountingstars]

2016 Year in Review

This is super late in coming but I haven't found time earlier to sit down and process everything that has happened in this past year (also, leaving my laptop at home, D's apartment not having wifi yet and then getting sick hasn't helped lol). According to a lot of people, 2016 was a mess. More or less, I feel a similar way. But I also wanted to sit down and think because this has been a big year for me in a lot of ways. Without further ado, all the little ways my brain has been trying to convey everything that can happen in a year: Places visited: * 2 countries * 5 states * 10 cities Big events: * (Sort of) lived abroad for a few months * Got into 3 Top Ten graduate schools * Ate at Blue Bayou and Carthay Circle at Disneyland * Worked my first (and second) political campaigns * Got my first promotion to a lead position * Broke up with my boyfriend from UCLA * Met my current boyfriend * Published my first (paid) essay * Became an assistant dance teacher at Filipino Cultural School * Became the first female black belt in Doce Pares Los Angeles * Got into a car accident and totaled my car * Moved to D.C. * Started graduate school at AU * Was awarded a graduate research assistant position for a professor working in Gender and Development * Got an unpaid internship working for an environmental nonprofit focusing on conservation and sustainability in the Eastern Arc * Got a paid fellowship in DC working in environment and politics * Published my first poetry chapbook * Published one of my poems online * Received my first mention in acknowledgements for working with a former professor on his memoir * Booked and flew my first domestic flight alone (back to LA) * Was published in a literary Zine * Went to New Jersey and New York with my former roomie * Realized that although grad school is supposed to be a trial run for professional life, some people still suck and are immature as well as secretly sexist masquerading as intellectuals * On a related note, made and unmade my first friend in grad school * Received As and A-s for my first semester * Organized the first PTSP 13-14 board reunion * Went to Six Flags with my family Highs: * Getting into 3/4 grad schools I applied for, all ranked Top Ten in their international affairs/development programs * Visiting Batanes, Philippines * Visiting Palawan, Philippines * Working on political campaigns * Meeting and dating and being in a relationship with D * Getting my first paid publication * Becoming a program lead consultant for the Southern California and Central California regions for Mirus * Getting four publications out for my writing and poetry * Going to the Philippines and receiving my black belt (and being the first female black belt from my school's chapter) * Going swimming with the whale sharks in Cebu * Going to grad school and making the right decision to go to AU instead of Johns Hopkins (it was really hard to turn down Johns Hopkins) * Getting half my grad school paid for at AU with a research assistant position * Getting a paid fellowship (apparently super rare in DC) for the CAC working in climate change and politics * Getting my first poetry chapbook published * Flying back to LA on my own and going to Disneyland * Going to New Jersey and New York with R * Got As and A-s for my first semester while holding down two internships and a research assistant position * Finally having a PTSP reunion with my board * Having my cousins from Texas spend the holidays with us * All the adventures with D this year, from Griffith Observatory to the Americana to The Grove to Disneyland Lows: * Dealing with my anxiety and depression in the Philippines, without medication and without my support systems in the States * Breaking up with my long-time boyfriend from UCLA * Dealing with politics in the Philippines with my martial arts group * Getting into that car accident and totaling my car * Moving to DC, away from my friends and family and bf * Spending my birthday alone and stressed out from school * Realizing my so-called first friend at AU was a sexist, immature jerk This year was hard. One of the hardest I've gone through so far but it was also full of amazing things. While I may not have accomplished everything on my bucket list, I feel like I accomplished a lot. I reached out to old friends and renewed friendships, I reached out to my old PTSP board, I went swimming with the whale sharks, visited Puerto Princesa and saw the longest underground tunnel in the world, went swimming and exploring in El Nido. I paid for my own trip back to the Philippines to get my black belt and swam with the whale sharks. I got into almost all the grad schools I applied for and they were all top ten; I got $20,000 a year to go to one of the best schools in the nation and a really good fit for me ideologically, which is amazing. I was also published four times! Not in academic writing, which is my next goal, but for poetry and an essay. I have my very own poetry chapbook out and I am humbled by the support and feedback I got from the people who bought copies from me. I was paid to have a personal essay published online. And all of these things are things I couldn't have imagined actually happening to me growing up. Being a published writer seemed like a pipe dream almost so thanks are in order for the people who spurred me on to submit my work and try to make this happen. Without the influences, good and bad, I wouldn't have ever thought to try submitting my writings for publication. I also moved all the way across the country for grad school after getting my black belt. I literally left behind almost everythingI knew: my family, my friends, my boyfriend, etc. I also got into a really bad car accident literally the day before I flew out. I totaled my car and spend the rest of the day at the ER basically. I flew out the next morning. And the day after that, I had orientation for AU. I'm still processing how badly that accident left me. Everyone said I was lucky to be able to walk away but I'm left slightly traumatized by the experience. When I drive on the freeway now, sometimes I have moments of panic that my car won't stop in time again and I'll crash. I hate changing lanes and I can feel my anxiety spike whenever someone mentions it. This year has definitely been a fight for my mental health. From holding back panic attacks from someone sending me horrible text messages to struggling with anxiety from politics, to depression from moving away to repeated cycles of both for other causes, I constantly have to fight against mental and emotional exhaustion as well as the depression and anxiety while juggling with my everyday commitments. The Philippines was rough because of my depression and then coming back was rough because I knew my ex and I were not going to work out and I didn't want to hurt him. The breakup sucked. We were both not okay for a while, but I have to be grateful for the friends I made who supported me when I was in that dark place and for him and my other friend who told me I needed to be alone for a while (given how that was the reason I wanted to break up in the first place and my depression and anxiety were getting really bad but I was such a mess after we broke up, at my lowest I wanted to get back together). Because even though I should have ended it way sooner and I tried, he really was my support system while I struggled in the Philippines for three months and I am grateful for that. Even though we don't talk anymore, for I think a variety of reasons, I am grateful for the love and support we had in our relationship. And the friends I've made because of him. And I met D. Even though I didn't plan it and actually wanted to be single and alone until after I moved to DC, it turns out life doesn't work the way you want it to at times. 😂 So even though I struggled with the timing of it all (in more ways than one), it taught me the difference between falling into a relationship and actually actively wanting to be in one. I had forgotten what that felt like to be attracted to someone and have that kind of chemistry. It also reminded me of what a relationship should start with: a connection, friendship, and attraction. No trying to convince myself against my better judgment (and desire) to go out with someone, no falling into a relationship by going with the flow. I guess there's a lot to be said about choosing your partner with open eyes and that spark of attraction. I am grateful to have D in my life and the universe for bringing us together. I am grateful for the friends who told me I deserve to be happy and to move on and who reassured me that it was okay, regardless of timing. I remember being stressed out and anxious about my jobs. It was hard working from home and being glued to my phone for my brand ambassador work. But I was handling things: I got promoted and I had regular brand ambassador work and preferential treatment for gigs, which is more than a lot of people can say in that industry. At one point I had three different jobs and I was really stressed out and looking forward to moving to DC so I could quit my jobs. I kept it together long enough to move to DC. And then I moved to DC and the search for internships and ways to support myself began. I accepted a volunteer internship with an environmental nonprofit working for sustainability and conservation in the Eastern Arc because I was afraid I wouldn't get any other positions. Everyone told me how competitive it was to get an internship in DC, let alone a paid internship. But I was lucky. I heard back from the climate change and politics fellowship (paid) I wanted and was offered the position. I also heard back from a few other places, including one for a national think tank (unpaid) but turned it down because I couldn't handle three internships, a research assistantship and full time grad school. Honestly, at points I didn't think I could handle the two internships, and one was only a couple hours a week. But at least my mental health was never so bad I couldn't force myself to get up and get through the day. Somehow I made it through and even though I didn't get straight As like I wanted to my first semester, I got As and A-s. Still there's a lot to be grateful for. I'm grateful for school, and the experiences I've had this year. I'm grateful to my friends and the people in my life, I'm grateful for my boyfriend and I am also grateful for my family. Despite the worst fights we've had this year (and they have been bad), I guess family still has your back when things get tough. I may not have the perfect family, or even a normal one, but I am still grateful to have them in my life despite their flaws and awkwardness and problems because I know they love me and I hope they know I love them. And I hope we have many more years with annoying and loving each other. Bye 2016. You were rough but were good to me a lot of times. May 2017 hopefully be better as we move forward!