#well young men yaoi here but you get it

[lordcastaway]

forty years of inseparables in one picture. so accurate that you can use this picture in academic writing, i certainly will–

[barblaz-arts]

I know you've been making a lot of art of it lately, but out of curiosity, what's your opinion on Hazbin Hotel in general? I'm referring to both the show and the fandom here. Just curious.

God. What a loaded question. Are you ready? Bcuz I'm fresh from Vaggie discourse on twitter and I have a lot to say.

I think that Hazbin Hotel seems worse than it is for people who know the fandom but haven't actually watched the show. Honestly, I think it's a fine show. It isnt super incredible and I'm not gonna sing praises about how deep and thought provoking it is or whether it's an artistic masterpiece. It never tried to be that and was never advertised as such(to my knowledge) anyway. I just had a lot of fun. Like, yeh sure the cussing in the dialogue can be a bit much, especially in ep 1, but there are different writers in other episodes, so it gets better. It can be super crude yeh, but I grew up watching things like the Scary Movie franchise and other dumb american movies (yes, i was too young for them. yes, i still watched them), so it's pretty tolerable for me. It also helps that Charlie is the main character. That's one of the main reasons why I watch HH but dont watch HB. It's probably a fun show, but without a sweetheart like Charlie to balance things out, I'd just get tired of the sex jokes and mean jokes.

Compared to my last hyperfixation, I think I have more things to love about Hazbin Hotel, believe it or not. With Netflix's Wednesday, I had already been an Addams Family fan for a while and hung on because I loved the family and eventually Enid and wenclair. The show itself was honestly meh... so far! I'll give season 2 another shot.

But with Hazbin Hotel, it catered to a lot of things I've always loved. Found family with a bunch of misfits? We didnt get to see it much bcuz of the fuckass 8-ep per season format we have nowadays, but its fine its there! The juxtaposition of a kind hearted woman in a harsh world? Love love Charlie for that, I watched the show in the first place because of her. A canon lesbian lover with a "fuck the world cuz my world is you" type of love for the protag? Fuck yes. How very Pearl-from-Steven-Universe of Vaggie. And the music? The music is soooo good. I didn't know the songwriter prior to watching, so I was nervous about the songs, but I knew most of the theater actors they cast(still cant believe Jeremy fucking Jordan is Lucifer) so I figured even if the songs are mid, at least the performances would be topnotch. And they were! But the songs were a pleasant surprise. Sam Haft did real damn well. I still listen to the soundtrack to this day.

The fandom, however, is probably the worst one I've been in. And I've been in a lot in my big age... Just... lacking media literacy, and based on the replies I get when I say something on twitter, it seems a lot of them lack reading comprehension and just plain emotional intelligence too.

There's a lot of criticisms about this show that I honestly think is fair. Pacing, character design, overuse of the F word, whatever. But in my opinion, claiming that Hazbin is a male-centered show is an unfair misconception that is mostly the fault of the fandom.

Bcuz, sure, the male characters are uber popular. Alastor, Vox, Lucifer, Angel Dust and the many web of ships they're involved in went trending every few business days. But come on now. How often does a fandom even have their main protag as the most talked about character? This has been going on for ages. Just because the boys have the most merch and fics and fanarts and thirsty fans doesn't mean that they had the spotlight for most of the show itself. It only meant that they were the ones the viewers paid attention to, in a fandom filled with people drooling over the next tumblr sexyman and toxic yaoi ship of the month.

But if you actually look back at what the show gave us so far, the boys didnt outshine the women. I actually think the women got to do more and be more as characters than the men did. Let's take a look at the male characters.

Alastor was not in all the episodes. In fact, he was MIA in two out of the eight episodes. In all the episodes he was in, he was a mere side character. His purpose in season one was to stir the pot and be the intriguing mystery that occasionally quips. But he was not the one whose deeper thoughts were explored and whose character and goals was challenged THROUGHOUT the show, merely alluded to at the VERY END of the season, which is hardly him taking the spotlight away from Charlie. If you merely looked at the fan content of him, you'd think he were a father figure to Charlie(or a love interest. whatever) and that he has developed a soft spot for the Hazbins deep down in that cannibal heart of his. But if you pay attention to the show, he never had even a meaningful one on one conversation with the Hazbins. The only time that happened is when (a)he threatened Husk's life (b)when he constantly mocked Charlie while she was down in the dumps and used this as an opportunity to manipulate her and (b)when he told Niffty watching the crew sure can "make one sentimental", even tho he had taken no prior opportunity to bond with them! There's no foundation for all the fandom's claims that he could be redeemed bcuz of a budding fondness for the group, but that's all you see of his fan content(aside from the horniness). I dont have any problem with his lack of an actual relationship with the Hazbins bcuz I believe redemption for him is not what the show is going for, but it's frustrating to see people interpreting it that way BUT not seeing how horridly developed it would be if that is the case, meanwhile they turn around and say that Vaggie and Chaggie as a ship "had terrible development".

Then we have the male Vees. Vox was only ever in episode two, and was essentially a youtube reactor in episode 8. He was in ep 4 but had no speaking lines. We only know of his obsession with Alastor and the toxic relationship he has with Val. Val, meanwhile, is merely shown as the sex obsessed fiend behind Hell's sex industry and Angel's abuse. They did what they needed to do with minimal screentime. It was fine, but that's IT. Despite what little CANON gave so far, you have hundreds of people writing essays and fics and fanarts about them being complicated characters. But to reiterate, this does not mean that they are bad characters or that they don't deserve the fame. But to say that these men are better written within canon than the women is such a bold statement when most of the depth they knew of these characters were lore drops given before the show and their own speculations as they dug into the shallow soil of what the show has so far.

I'm not gonna speak about Angel and Lucifer. Because I think they were characters who were legitimately well-explored so far.

Now onto the women. So many of them were given the opportunity to have their characters challenged or given the agency to push characters and the plot forward or give you intrigue about implications of what's to come for the characters and the plot. I've talked a lot about Charlie and Vaggie. So let me talk about the other, terribly underrated women of Hazbin.

Velvette and Carmilla were the ones who advanced the subplot in the war against Heaven. Because of Carmilla's love for her family despite being a demon, an angel was killed. It gave Heaven the excuse to escalate things, but it also gave Charlie hope later on in the season that they're not powerless. Carmilla was also the first demon shown to make selfless actions that is contrary to what is expected of demons, making it proof that Charlie's belief that demons deserve a second chance isn't unwarranted. She's an interesting character, as an overlord who hangs on to power but clearly has morals. But how often do you see people writing essays about her? Eating up the fact that she's a powerful overlord but would sacrifice anything for her daughters? If Carmilla were a man, hundreds of girlies would be drooling over the crime boss who has a soft spot for his daughters.

Meanwhile, Velvette got to demonstrate why exactly she's an Overlord despite being the youngest demon in there. She's calculating and observant. She gives off a haughty vibe and constantly boasts about how she's young and fresh, but she isn't naive. During that meeting, she paid attention to Carmilla and Zestial's relationship. In order to find out who killed the angel, she riled everyone up, and when she got the feeling it was Carmilla, she mocked Zestial so that Carmilla could slip up. By playing these Overlords who are older and more experienced than her, Velvette showed what exactly her asset was to the Vees and why she's a threat, something that Vox and Val have yet to be given the opportunity to do when they were busy eye-fucking Alastor and literally fucking Angel. But in fan content about the Vees, Velvette is almost treated as an after thought to the boys...

Then we have the Seraphs. Not only were their designs gorgeous, their dynamic and presence as characters had impact to the plot and main characters.

Emily is a much needed character to show that this story isn't meant to tell you that Heaven = bad; Hell = good. There is good and bad in both, and it is so important for the protags to know that they have an ally in Emily who represents the true virtues that heaven is supposed to uphold. And I love the confrontation she had with Sera when her own view of what's right and good was challenged. We got to see the strength of her character and started the seeds of what could be heaven's acceptance of Charlie's goals.

Sera is such an interesting character to me. She was also important to show that not all angels were sadistic like Adam and Lute, but not in the same way Emily was. I have no idea so far which direction this show would go with her. But I'm intrigued by the fact that she seems to be driven by fear, unlike Adam and Lute's cruelty. She knew Lucifer and was there when he was cast out for his disobedience. Whether everything she's doing is to prevent that from happening again remains to be seen, and I'm looking forward to this kind of subplot for her.

And then Rosie! I really really look forward to seeing more from her. Spoilers aside, something I barely see people talk about is how interesting it is that Rosie is every bit the leader that Charlie hopes to be. Rosie is able to be a respected overlord in her own faction without needing to sacrifice her love for showmanship and music and her positive disposition. When we were officially introduced to her, they show how she seems to care about actually taking care of her people, not JUST ordering them around, by talking to them personally and giving advice. That's exactly what Charlie wanted to do for her people, isn't it? The hotel to Charlie was what the emporium was to Rosie. They have a lot of similarities that could set up for Rosie to be the one to teach Charlie in becoming a leader. Now whether that's a good thing or a bad thing remains to be seen, but it is rather compelling.

So yeah! With all that said, I really dont think this show ignores its women at all. Just because a bigger part of the fandom gravitated towards the men doesn't necessarily mean its a misogynistic show so far. But if certain people are claiming that the women are badly written, then I hope they also own up to the fact that their blorbos are just as shallowly presented within the show, maybe even more so. Which wouldn't even be a bad thing! Since when did a show or character have to be amazingly written for a person to like them? That's just no fun at all. All I'm saying is... Fuck this fandom's double standards, hiding behind claims that it's the writing's fault when the problem is they couldn't be bothered to think about the women.

[whatsagoodusername]

I just woke up a week ago and became obsessed with Greek Mythology.

...

..

.

THE ORDER OF THE BEST GODS ARE

1 HERMES

2 APOLLO

3 ATHENA

4 GANYMEDE (Ok so technically he's not a god but he did get immortality and eternal youth by Zeus so I'm counting him)

5 ARTEMIS

6 HEPHESTUS

7 HERA

And that's all folks, those are the only one's with rankings, tell me your favorite Greek god, Percy Jackson, or Epic the Musical character in the comments below.

Also by the way this is supposed to be Ganymede if you've never heard of him. Basically the gist of his kidnapping across the various versions is that he was a son of Tros (A ruler or Troy). He was tending to his sheep when all the sudden Zeus as and eagle OR Zeus' eagle (Depending on the version) kidnap him. Why you might be saying? Well duh it's 'cause this immortal 1000+ year old man thought he was the most handsome mortal ever. Then Zeus basically said "Well you're really hot and handsome and I love you so you can be our cup bearer instead of Hebe (Goddess of Youth) because, well, like I said you're really hot." For all my non-ace's in the audience I tried to find an attractive depiction of him and I think this one might be it but most of the time he just looks like this...

Here are some more funfacts about Ganymede.

Ganymede and Zeus' relationship as stated a bit above is ....weird to say that least. Right? If you didn't say yes you've been reading way to much old men Yaoi. Well unfortunately this was a very common practice primarily in Japan (Specifically amoung Samurai) and ancient Greece. This practice was called Pederasty. Which was when a young man and an older man well... they did it (Dear all fanfiction writers this is weird don't write old men yaoi about this) I believe that this tradition comes from this so like Zeus didn't even know about this process and just said it was ok.

This one's for my astrology girlies and guys who just love space so much! The largest moon in our solar system is also named 'Ganymede' being 3,273.5 mil across ( 5268.18758km I looked that up BTW) is orbiting Jupiter. Jupiter is the Greek name for Zeus, I assume you know where this is going. It was fittingly named for their relationship with each other. The funniest part of this whole thing is that Hera, you know Zeus' wife AND SISTER! Isn't one of his 4 moons Ganymede, Lo, Callisto, and Europa. That's just tragic.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/750548921882918912/i-know-this-is-insanely-politically-incorrect-of?source=share

From what I've seen, the cis queer boys who pull the "ewwww, fujos" thing tend to be ace/aro, not gay.

Ace boys* have a lot in common with trans boys. They are both only nominally welcome in any queer space that isn't expressly made for them and them only, and they are both told that their identity isn't real, isn't acutally queer, and just generally isn't valid. They both often end up in places (like Tumblr) where being a boy or man of any kind is considered immoral and dangerous to women and "real" queers. And they are both told that being the kind of boy they are is antithetical to masculinity, and that this is a good thing.

Asexuality is considered inherently soft and weak and feminine, and ace boys are told that this makes them Better and Purer than "real" men, in much the same way trans boys are told that their bodies make them both not actually male and morally superior to cis boys and men (and whatever other identities are getting lumped in with cis men this week, usually trans men who pass too well or trans women who wear cargo shorts, but that's another rant).

It's not surprising that someone who is marginalised and invalidated within their own communities, at an age and life stage where they're only just figuring themselves out, would be the sort who would fall for this stuff.

***

So how it's shaped is there's a group (Tumblr queers) you want to earn recognition and acceptance from, but they don't like you and tell you you're not good enough for them. The group claims that XYZ random thing (yaoi) is inherently harmful to a third party (gay men), and that thing is kinda squicky to you.

And you see a path to acceptence and group membership shining clearly. Reject the yaoi! Make a huge scene about how it makes you (a more socially acceptable and morally pure version of "queer man") feel weird when you think about the dirty terrible other people who enjoy yaoi! They'll see that you aren't a filthy fujo with a woman's sexuality OR a gross and ugly queer man, you're a pure and wholesome and soft and nonthreatening boy. They HAVE to accept you now!

***

Which is all a very long way of saying that marginalized and ostracized boys tend to fall for purity police traps because they don't have the experience and context to know any better and because they're desperate for validation and community.

*I'm saying "boys" because I'm specifically talking about young people here and not talking about adult trans and ace men.

--

[enihk-writes]

[at the end of a burnt wick]

pairing: tang bo x afab!she/her!reader

NOT exactly an x reader because i didn't want tang bo and reader's relationship to be romantic, tried to make them platonic / co-workers like ah-duo and the emperor from the apothecary diaries + implied tangchung because all roads lead to old men yaoi

summary: anthology of a married pair

content warning: archaic wedding practices mentioned (i.e. having to consummate a marriage against the will of both parties) // stillbirth and child loss (disconnect with traditional expectations of parenthood)

word count: 6.66k

author's note: my roman empire lately is about how i used to audition to nijisanji and only niji at least 3-4 times (didn't even pass the first stage lol) before i got really fixated with rotbb.... maybe one day i will try my hand at vtubing and streaming again... for now it's fanfiction time ragggghhh!!!!! fictional men 4ever!!!!

[PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY TRIGGERS CAUSED BEYOND THIS LINE]

═══════════════

FIRST MEETING

the first time the young tang bo met her, was when he was a little over fifteen.

she was also just as young as he — a wee lass that had yet to lose the childlike roundness of her cheeks, round eyes that seemed to sparkle in wonderment at all the grandeur around her. tang bo didn't understand what was so special about the surroundings, he'd grown up here all his life and had already seen most of anything money could buy. this girl was weird.

he didn't find out until much later that this was the first time she had ever left the four walls of her room, much less her own home.

he thinks that it was no wonder she had looked so amazed with everything she saw back then. he can't imagine a life where he had to live constrained to one place, going through the same routine everyday would have bored him to death.

he wasn't looking forward to future conversations with that girl — he was certain she would be utterly dull and boring.

═══════════════

ENGAGEMENT

tang bo was furious that the elders had went and signed off the engagement contract without even asking for his approval. he had been meeting with countless hopefuls for a few years by now, and he'd been able to fend them all off by acting in ways that had all these well-bred ladies huffing and puffing in indignation. crying to their fathers that they would rather die than marry a man like he.

so who was it that agreed to this!

tang bo mutters under his breath, teeth gritted, fists clenched. he had to see with his own two eyes the woman who was stupid or desperate enough to let herself be wed to the likes of him.

elder!

the young man throws open the doors to the main hall, not caring one bit about the guests sitting inside. the elders and the patriarch in question frowned at his behaviour, biting their tongues from chastising him in front of strangers.

his gaze lands on a familiar face, a little older and a lot less naive, but familiar nonetheless. he didn't know that a person's demeanour could change so drastically in a few years.

tang bo's hands fall to his sides, he shuffles towards the end of the table, plopping down on the empty spot across his soon-to-be betrothed. he eyes her figure, chewing on the inside of his mouth, trying to come up with something to insult her with.

tang bo—

the patriarch didn't even get the chance to finish his sentence when the young man scoffs at the girl's face, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a sneer.

really? her?

tang bo glances over at the heads of his family, finger pointing rudely in the girl's face. they all sigh, knowing what was about to come from the impudent boy. they could only hope this girl wouldn't take his jabs to heart.

hey you.

he juts his chin at her.

all my other candidates looked prettier than you. hey, did you even bother to put in any effort when coming to meet me?

she ignored him, sipping on her tea serenely. the girl's guardians shift in their seats nervously. ah, this young master has yet to face their mistress' infamous anger.

tang bo clicks his tongue.

oi, did you even — hey!

he didn't expect her to splash the remainder of her drink onto him. the warm liquid splatters across his face and drips down his now damp hair, even the front of his robes were now soiled from the tea.

he looks over to the elders of his family in surprise, hoping that they'd stand up for him but none met his eye. he felt betrayed when he catches some of them trying to hide the twitch of their mouths suppressing their laughs.

they all thought that it was about time someone put this boy in his place, talented and intelligent as he may be.

needless to say, the rest of the meeting went on smoothly. and it ended with the confirmation of the two's engagement. much to tang bo's despair and the girl's indifference.

═══════════════

FIRST 'DATE'

he really tried his best to drag his feet that day. the elders had arranged for an evening dinner in the newly established inn downtown with his bride-to-be and tang bo really did not want to go. he was kicking up a fuss with his clothes, this one was too dull, that one is too bright, it's too rough, it's too short... and so on. but when he finally ran out of excuses and the attendants tiredly managed to dress him appropriately — the sun was beginning to set.

tang bo perks up. perhaps he didn't have to go out with her after all!

he steps out of his room, surprised to see that there was no one in the courtyard. he shouldn't have felt a jolt of worry then, but he did, and he wondered if something was wrong.

where is she?

he asks to no one in particular, heading to her room three doors down from his, footfalls heavy on the lacquered wooden planks of the corridor. he hears panicked voices muffled behind the doors and throws the doors to her room open.

she sat in the middle of the room in nothing but her undergarments, surrounded by the tang estate's maids and piles of unworn clothes. she had her back facing him, and all he could see were the maids hurriedly hiding away the containers of makeup all shying away from his scrutinising gaze.

out.

the maids didn't have to be told twice. they all scurried out of her room like mice, tails between their legs and faces pursed in anxiety at being caught in the middle of something they probably shouldn't be doing. tang bo sighed heavily. to think the woman he was to marry was getting bullied, by mere maids too? he felt ashamed on her behalf. he didn't like people who were fine with others taking advantage and stepping all over them. he hated that they didn't have a backbone to stand up for themselves.

kicking off his shoes, he entered her room — nose scrunched up instinctively at the suffocating dust in the air. he looked around to see all the windows shut tightly, there were no gaps for even a sliver of light to shine inside.

how has this girl been living so far, for her to be fine with this treatment?

tang bo coughed, stumbling over to open the windows, lightheaded from the lack of breathable air. he waves his hands to chase the dust outside, coughing even harder when the little particles get all up in his face.

he hears her giggle. much to his growing annoyance, what was so funny anyway.

he sits in front of her, letting the pile of unworn clothes cushion him from the hard floor. under the orange glow of the setting sun, he sees her for the first time today, all dolled up in the most garish makeup that would have certainly humiliated her, and had he not barged in she would have had to go around in public like that.

you look uglier today.

she chuckled and hummed in response, she looks around in search of something. grabbing a rag from under the clothes, she proceeded to wipe off her painted face, only to have tang bo take it out of her hands with a soft, let me.

he holds her chin between his fingers, rubbing off the white powder that contrasted starkly against her skin, making her look sickly. he rubs off the crudely drawn-out eyebrows and the thick rouge that sat on her lips. he can't help but notice the way her lashes fluttered as she tried to keep her eyes closed. maybe his fiancee was a little cute.

with her face now bare, the girl lets out the breath she had been holding. but tang bo wasn't done yet.

where are you facing. turn back here.

he ordered pointedly, and she couldn't help but to go back into her prior position. lips and eyes squeezed shut, much like a puppy getting told off for misbehaving.

picking up a brush out of the many lying haphazardly over the vanity, tang bo dipped it's tip into the little porcelain jar left ajar. it was lipstick in a shade deep red, the type that would have looked lovely especially on her.

he holds the girl's now bare face in one hand, the brush in the other, outlining the shape of her lips with the new rouge. the feathery touch of the brush tip was ticklish, moreso with how tang bo had been holding it in an uncharacteristically gentle way as though he were a potter painting intricate patterns on a cup before he sent it off to the burning fires in a kiln.

he pinched the brush, smudging the tint against his fingers and drawing faint circles at the outer corner of her eyes.

tang bo leans back to admire his handiwork. he couldn't help but feel proud of the results. not only was he good at martial arts and medicine, he had an amazing eye for aesthetics too? where would anyone find a better husband then he?

the girl opens her eyes cautiously, her gaze meeting his. he looked pleased, boastful even.

hmph. you look more presentable now.

he hands her a mirror, and as she looks at her reflection against the shiny bronze surface, she had to agree. her fiance had done a good job with her face. maybe he wasn't all that awful.

thank you, young master tang.

the girl smiled, her eyes crinkling upwards in a smile. tang bo scoffs and looks out the window, hiding his embarrassment at her sincere words. thinking back now, this was the first he'd heard her speak, wasn't it? maybe he should pay more attention once in a while.

heh. of course you should be thanking me.

the sky and grown dark. lucky him, he didn't have to go out to that dinner with her after all.

═══════════════

THE FIRST REAL DATE

tang bo felt a little irked that she had been walking behind him even when he had slowed down to match her pace. it's almost like she had been deliberately hanging back.

you.

he grabs her wrist and pulls her towards him. she stumbled over her feet and falls over with a startled squeak.

you're my fiancee. so stand proud and walk beside me.

he declares with a hand on his hip, the grip on her wrist with his other not once loosening. he walks again, just as slow as he had been earlier, feeling a little happy that the girl no longer lagged behind.

he'd started to warm up to her, no longer seeing her as the stranger living in his house, one day to become his wife. she was more akin to a little sister he'd have to babysit.

no, actually she was more like an apprehensive kitten left on his doorstep that he'd grown to like taking care of.

buying her sweets and spoiling her with accessories she might not even have a chance to wear just because he thought she'd look cute in them has been one of his favourite hobbies these days.

why was he so anxious about getting engaged before? ever since she became his fiancee, he didn't have to go out and meet with any more annoying noble ladies clamouring over each other trying to win over his affection. the best part was that she kept to herself, and minded her own business unless it was time to visit the elders and the patriarch for afternoon tea — which he didn't mind since having her as his own personal walking event reminder has really saved him from getting scolded even more by the old farts.

ah! look! they're selling meat skewers over there! come on, let's go get some! i'm sure you'd like those too.

tang bo giggles and drags the girl over to another street vendor. ah, lucky him. he's hit the jackpot with the whole engagement game — a tolerable and cute wife-to-be, could a boy ask for anything more? guanyin-ma really was looking over him after all.

═══════════════

FORTUNE TELLER

after two seasons of living under the same roof, the heads of the tang clan decide that it was time for the two to meet with the fortune teller. set up an auspicious date through the tung shing, and be wed on the right phase of the moon and the best placement of the stars in the sky.

the young master is lucky to have found someone this compatible. it is hard for children born in his year to find a suitable partner. they say snakes rarely get along with the other zodiacs.

says the old eccentric woman who proclaimed herself to be the best fortune teller in sichuan and the one who had been checking the birthdates of all the potential brides that had been introduced to tang bo thus far. the boy felt the urge to get up and fight that hack, respecting his elders be damned, so she was the one sending him all those insufferable girls his way.

he feels a hand grab at his arm. fingers digging into his flesh enough to keep him seated. he looks over at the girl sitting next to him, expression unchanging, her body angled to lean a little closer to his.

his hand reached over discreetly to peel her fingers off him, bringing her hand down to hold his under the table, fingers intertwined. she seemed to relax a little, tense shoulders falling ever gently, her jaw growing slightly more slack.

to the untrained eye, the girl's expressions were the same. but to him, he's watched her long enough, even if it wasn't every day, to spot the subtle changes whenever she expressed herself. tang bo pats himself on the back for being such an attentive fiance.

his attention shifted from the conversation between the fortune teller and the elders to the girl's hand. they were soft and smooth, as expected of a lady of noble birth. his on the other hand were calloused from training, the tips of his fingers were starting to turn darker from the constant exposure to poisons. shit, he might have to start wearing gloves.

the girl hadn't been paying attention to the conversation going on either, spacing out until the elders called on the two. stifling their startled gasp, the two youngins stared at their elders, a confused expression painted on their faces, not one bit guilty for ignoring everything that was being said.

ah, it's good they are getting along well.

the fortune teller chuckled with a knowing glint in her eye trying to suggest something, but both tang bo and the girl didn't seem to catch her drift, the old woman's point flying over their heads.

the elders soon turn back to their discussion, talking about the best days that would suit the two.

look here, since they are both born as snakes, their auspicious numbers are two, eight and nine. i'd suggest we hold the wedding...

tang bo nudges at the girl.

hey.

she looks up at him. he leaned down next to her ear, wanting to ask her about her birthday, too embarrassed to ask about it outright in front of the elders. he didn't want to seem like an incompetent fiance to his future bride.

she hides a growing grin. it was nice of him to start paying attention to her. little steps, little steps. she wriggles her hand out of his grasp and writes down the date with her finger on the surface of his palm.

good thing their hands were under the table, or people would know about the cause of the redness dusting the back of his ears.

the meeting dragged on until late in the evening. it ended with the agreement that they were to be wed on the eighth day of the eighth month on the eighth year of the emperor's reign.

truly the most auspicious day for a union.

═══════════════

A BRIDE-TO-BE'S DRESSING ROOM

the long-awaited day came by later than expected. the previous emperor passed before he even got close to the eighth year of his reign. not wanting to change the numbers of the date, the elders decided to push the event back until the current emperor had reached his eighth year.

by then, the two had grown into a man and a woman, a lot older than the common age to be wed. but it was no matter. who would dare speak up against the tang clan's young master and his wife-to-be?

the day, hell, even the night before had been hectic. tang bo slipped past his attendants to take a peak at what was going on in her room. traditions be damned, who cares about the groom not seeing his bride until they were at the altar? that was so outdated!

what are you doing here?

she had been left alone to rest from the non-stop preparations since before dawn. tang bo walks in, careful not to make too much noise as he slides the door shut behind him.

why? can't i visit my wife?

i am not your wife.

yet~

his teasing voice moved behind her. he picked up the brush to comb out the knots that were all tangled up — the maids had put on extensions to lengthen her hair. she hadn't been able to grow them to the expected length, much to the annoyance of the maids. they hadn't been nice when attaching the accessories, she could still feel the burning sensation on her scalp.

there was no need to kick up a fuss at this point. especially in front of tang bo. this guy would have kicked out all the attendants who had been treating her poorly, but that felt like too easy of a punishment. she wanted to deal with them herself when the time comes, sorry for that, young master tang.

the leather gloves he wore were cold, and the feeling of his fingertips scratching against her scalp was soothing, enough to draw out a quiet purr from the woman. much to her shocked embarassment.

oh?

she leans away from him.

...please ignore that.

but how could he?

my wife... how can you be so cute~!

i need you to shut up right now.

═══════════════

WORLD'S MOST BORING CEREMONY

if it was any consolation, the two had agreed that this whole affair was a pain in their ass.

wife, do you know when this will end?

what makes you think i have the answer to that?

tang bo thinks his bride was lucky to have that red veil over her face. if she wanted to shut her eyes and sleep, none of the guests nor elders would be any wiser. poor old him. they should have made a veil for the goom too, which smartass decided otherwise anyway? if he ever met that person, tang bo promised he would pummel the other to the ground.

wife.

she hums in acknowledgement, bowing her head at a guest who had come up to the front to pay their blessings to the pair.

wife.

tang bo called out again, his tone getting a little impatient. wincing when he felt her pinch the skin between his thumb and index finger. he tried to smile at the strangers passing them by, feeling drained and completely spent from the day's activities. it didn't help that the noisy chatter of everyone around them was making him feel worse.

wife, you should tell the elders that you're tired and want to rest for the night... i'm sure they'd listen to you.

why me? you go!

huh? me? nuh-uh, you go!

the back and forth lasted for a bit until they both agreed to ask the elders together. after all, having a partner-in-crime to take the fall together with you was way better than facing backlash alone.

perhaps the atmosphere of a wedding had put the elders in a carefree mood, perhaps it was the result of a dozen empty wine bottles. they think it might be both, but no matter, they received permission to get out of there.

the best news either had ever heard today.

scurring away quickly, the newlyweds giggle amongst each other like kids up to no good even as they were well into their twenties. the guests and elders cooed in amusement, talking about how nice it must be to be young and in love.

though that second part was so far from the truth, when the two talk about it again in their later years, it had grown into a funny story they liked to reminisce about over a midnight drink.

═══════════════

THE FIRST NIGHT

tang bo glanced over at his wife, carrying the same grimace as she did. it was hard not to cringe at the overtly crude decorations in their now shared room.

right. that was how it was in these parts. they were now husband and wife so the elders are probably expecting the results of the two carrying out their marital duties within the next year.

i don't want to do that...

me neither...

now sitting across each other on the floor, they discuss how to trick the maids who would certainly check the bedding the next morning. if nothing happened tonight then they would be under more scrutiny. but who's to say that there won't be any surveillance after? ugh! this was all so annoying!

tang bo watched as the woman before him let out a big sigh, dropping her head into her hands. he felt sorry for his wife, it must be hard living as the new daughter-in-law of his family.

should we get this done and over with?

he suggested finally, after exhausting all their options. his wife makes a face at that, but she can't argue.

awkwardly he hands over a vial, an all-purpose antidote of sorts, in case she gets accidentally poisoned while coming into contact with him. the head had passed it to him sometime during the ceremony earlier, tang bo had been hoping he didn't have to use it, at least he held himself back from throwing the whole vial at the wall when it was given.

he didn't say it at first, but he could hear the eyes and ears surrounding them grow careless every few moments, revealing their presence by accident with an unintentional movement or sound. how uncouth of them to be watching the two newlyweds like this. it seemed she'd also noticed their presence, with how she'd glance out the windows whenever a small rustle was heard.

i'm so sorry.

he murmured an apology as he kissed her cheek — he didn't have to look to know she had a faint look of disdain, directed to no one in particular yet still stung through his heart.

it's not your fault.

so she says. but it might as well be. to him at least.

the consummation wasn't a pleasant process. neither could look at the other in the eye. the knowledge that people were standing outside the room to listen in on the completion of their marriage made this whole ordeal so much worse.

wife...i...

tang bo feels his hips stutter, his face burns in shame as his hoarse voice tries to speak.

her hands reach out to brush his hair out of his face, fingertips lightly smooth out the crease of his furrowed brows. she'd resigned herself long ago, knowing this whole process was inevitable from the time she reached adolescence. to think her own husband did not...

she felt a slight twinge of pity. the young master tang was a lot more sheltered than she had thought.

when it was all over, they scrambled to get away from the other, each sitting at the furthest end of the bed — letting what had conspired sink in. how many more times would this have to happen in the future?

she was the first to collect herself. getting up, she shuffles over to tang bo, her hand reaching out for his.

my husband, we should go and clean up.

he nodded, taking her hand in his wordlessly as she led him to the tub hidden behind the partition. after dipping the dry towels in the now warm water to wipe their bodies clean, slipping into clean nightgowns and peeling off the soiled bedspreads to throw them aside, they finally crawl under the covers, yawning tiredly.

sleep came over easily, surprisingly enough.

═══════════════

DIAGNOSIS

the questions that hung around in the air at this time of the year were all about babies, children, the next generation. everyone wanted to know which of the wedded members would be expecting soon.

most eyes were turned on tang bo and his wife.

unfortunately.

their marriage had happened over five years ago, almost ten, and all this time their other relatives who had gotten married later than they were popping out one offspring after another — yet none were to be seen for the young lord and his lady. the elders often lamented on the silence of their side of the estate.

rumour has it that their relationship was on the rocks, with how neither shared a room nor did they spend a night together like all the tang spouses — save for the occasional times they'd go to visit the other's quarters every two to three months. to scratch an itch as one might say. after all, they were still young and quite healthy, so such urges were still common occurrences. might as well do it with someone familiar rather than do that with a stranger.

the relationship between tang bo and his wife was actually far more amicable than anyone could have guessed. it was hard to describe the solace they'd found in each other's unspoken commanderie within the household. they'd been living together long enough to know virtually everything about each other, yet there was always a line drawn between them to keep the distance.

today, she wasn't here for any of their usual arrangements. tang bo had came back to find his wife nursing a cup of tea in one hand, resting it on top of a propped-up leg. she had set out a game of weiqi on the table, next to a steaming teapot and array of snacks.

looks like someone's got news.

his teasing voice called out to the woman, settling down on the seat across her. he hums in thought, contemplating his move as she places down her white bead on the board.

your uncle came over to see why we weren't having kids yesterday. he's given me the results this morning, right after you left.

the woman holds out the folded paper, a little crumpled from being kept between the layers of her robes. tang bo takes it, opening it to read what his so-called uncle had diagnosed his wife with. talk about elder butting into a youngster's business for no good reason.

this...

he says that i'm barren.

she looks down with a small smile,and it looked a little bitter. of course, how could she not be? after all that had happened those few years back?

to say that she's unable to carry a child after all she had gone through back then was such a cruel prank from the heavens. he knows his wife wanted to be a mother more than anything, to give that little baby all her love in the world or along those sentiments — as did he. so if that's not going to happen... then, what now?

they were silent as they moved their beads across the game board. contemplating their next moves and what to say to the other.

there's crab stick snacks here, you should try some.

as always, she breaks the silence first. grabbing a few sticks of the salty treat to nibble on before handing the container over to her husband. tang bo reached for the food mindlessly, thinking about how nice it'd be to have these with some sweet wine.

ah, but his wife wasn't much of a drinker so that's a bummer.

═══════════════

ONLY CHILD

he should have heard the cries of the baby.

it was quiet inside, and out where he was waiting too. the nurses and maids walked out of the room with buckets of soiled, bloody rags with their heads down and mouths drawn into a thin line — something was wrong, something had gone terribly wrong.

tang bo felt his feet move, walking towards the bedroom where the doors were still shut tightly. he weaved past the attendants trying to hold him back, all telling their young master to go back and wait.

wait? why did he have to wait when he didn't know what was happening to his wife right then? she needed him. and she needed him right now.

the midwife slides the door open just as he was about to open it himself. they both take a step back in surprise.

young master... the lady is alive and well. she is waiting inside.

the older woman bowed and scurried away from the scene to join the others in the courtyard outside.

his wife lay on her back on top of fresh bedsheets and a clean nightgown. she had a sickly pallor, lips were chapped dry with red marks of blood from where the skin ripped open. hair that was riddled with sweat stuck onto the sides of her face, the untied tresses splayed over the top of the bed. her eyes were unfocused and blank, staring straight up at the wall, mind elsewhere. her cheeks were still stained with the remnants of her tears, the evidence of what transpired within these four walls.

wife...

tang bo called out cautiously. she didn't respond, barely even moved an inch to acknowledge his presence.

next to her on the bed was a small swaddle, the stillness of what was supposed to be alive unnerved him. the child's dull skin, probably in some shade of grey, eyes that were never to open, oh.

he sits by her bedside, back facing her. he too, did not know what to say to her at that moment. he was the last person that could have possibly comforted her. well, it was his child too but they were both not lovers so this was an offspring born out of necessity rather than a genuine want. and at this point in his life, tang bo wasn't actually too thrilled about the prospect of fatherhood. not that he would resent that kid, it's just he might not have loved them like he should.

his wife, she's mentioned her anticipation of motherhood but once in a while, he'd catch glimpses of the unreadable expression she had when no one was looking — all while she rubs her growing belly. it made him think that perhaps she wasn't always telling the truth.

once there was a patient who had came to the tang estate to treat the growing tumors in his intestines and since he was a rather important guest, most of the members of the main family, the two of them included, had dropped by to greet him and wish him well for recovery. tang bo could never forget the intensity of her absent gaze at the patient's stomach, her balled fist tightening over her shawl ever so slightly.

perhaps it's good that she's dead.

tang bo feels his eyebrows rise up in shock.

you're not too keen on fathering a child either, are you?

he shakes his head.

well, that makes the two of us. the heavens must be looking out for her, keeping her away from parents like us who can't give her the love she needs.

his wife sighed deeply. her tired face falling to the side to look at him, a lopsided smile making its way onto her lips as if to ease the heavy tension of her words away. she might be right. perhaps, it was better this way. tang bo closes her eyes with his palm, patting her to sleep the way one would with a feverish child.

their daughter would later be the two's first and only child.

═══════════════

SWORDSMAN

the woman wondered how one-sided her husband's relationship with his friend was. the man was a rather expressionless fellow — his sentences were short, curt and straight to the point. her husband didn't seem to mind, with now he was almost always all over that man. ah well, she's just happy tang bo has an actual friend.

rather than worry that he was drunk off his rocker out on the streets past midnight doing who-knows-what in who-knows-where, at least now he's causing trouble with someone she could easily track. apperently, the man was a troublemaker in his own home too.

the first time she met the older sect brother of her husband's friend, they shared a look of silent understanding. ah, so you too have an oversized child to deal with.

watching tang bo come home staggering on his feet together with the man, leaning on the other for support used to riddle her with worry but now she just ushers them both into a spare room prepped with the necessary herbs to concoct a hangover remedy and hope for the best. her husband was a capable man, he would never let himself falter and die in a ditch.

in hindsight, she might have been too confident in his abilities.

the swordsman was the best thing to have happened to her husband. and it was not an exaggeration by any means. not when he looked at his happiest for the first time since she'd known him. even if they were both past their fifties and sixties.

how nice. she thinks to herself whenever she spots them together. to find your other half, your kindred spirit in this word before you died... it must be nice.

she can't find it in her to be bitter. really.

═══════════════

FIRST CHIPPING

if he were to look at what society deemed as a bastard husband, then that requisite would have had his face plastered as a prime example. the type of husband that any aspiring groom should not ever become.

though for those who were in the know, mainly his wife and himself, there was more to their marriage than what everyone saw. it didn't take long for either of them to recognise that this union had been a discreet way for them to hide away from what kids like them were supposed to act like in this rigid society.

they've stuck by each other as the only people who would have understood each other the best. so now that tang bo was finally finding the happiness he should have sought after all this time, he was always feeling the guilt of leaving her behind on her own in that house that had always been too big for just the two of them.

she has yet to utter a word of displeasure to him. that's how she was — the quiet one who kept to herself, letting things happen until the worst had passed over. it was one of the little things he detested about his wife.

he can't bring himself to really hate her. there was a time when he had opened up his heart and confided in her about some things he's been scared to come to terms with. the type of realisation one has from a very early age and has buried deep within themselves to fit into society and the expectations people had of him.

his wife had held onto his hand wordlessly, squeezing it ever so often to assure his nerves. he's never been this vulnerable before. he never thought things like this could be so frightening.

she had something to say too. but not right now. this was his moment, she's not so tactless to take it away. she can't stop thinking that if they'd been more honest earlier, then perhaps they wouldn't have hurt the other unknowingly all these years.

the walls they'd built between them were starting to come down a little — who would have thought they'd find out something new after decades of marriage.

═══════════════

COMING TO TERMS

she couldn't really understand why her husband was loudly crying into her shoulder. her good robes were getting wet from his tears and snot. how did this almost seventy-year-old man have no shred of shame — in front of the attendants no less?

she had given him her blessings earlier today, and he was now free to pursue the swordsman so why was he not going off to sweep his beloved off his feet and ride off into the sunset or whatever those romance novels say?

wife, you know you aren't obligated to be bound to me any more right? if you wish, you are also free to love someone else...

tang bo managed to say between sobs.

...thank you for your consideration.

she hesitated. what did he mean by her being free to love someone else? she can't think of a time when she'd ever felt that kind of emotion, at least not the one that every person around her was chasing after, even back when she was in her youth.

there was always a disconnect whenever the other wives she'd corresponded with ranted and raved about their husband's infidelities or little annoyances. they were always on the verge of hysteria, driven to that point out of love for their husbands they said. and she'd think about how foolish it was.

thank goodness her relationship with tang bo had not been built on a foundation that flimsy. rather, it was one based on mutual respect. which was far better—

ah but. he must have felt trapped in this marriage. not everyone in the world was like her. not everyone had been born with the inability to be like everyone else and it was unfair how they all just instinctively know what romance and lovers-love is. so to have held him back in this loveless situation for this long was a cruel thing.

the good wife, the understanding wife, the kindhearted wife. it's all that she's been the majority of her life. she doesn't know what else there was to her now that she's let-go of these titles. she's free to do what she wants. but what does a caged bird set free know?

she had packed lightly, the clothes on her back were lighter and less showy, the stark opposite of what she used to wear as the daughter-in-law of the tang family. there was not much hesitation as she donned the weimao — it's white veil falling past her knees. she looked at the darkened courtyard of their estate.

she's received enough goodwill in this lifetime. she prayed at the ancestral shrine one last time, asking them to look after everyone now that she's going off.

═══════════════

MORNING AFTER

tang bo awoke to the frantic bustle of the maids outside his room. turns out his wife had gone missing overnight without anyone noticing. he walked out of his room, wandering around the family estate until he reached the main halls where it was quieter. no one was allowed in here outside of events except for the elders and the main family.

he picks up the tattered note that had fluttered to his feet — eyes widening as he takes in the words written on it.

tch, that woman could still pull some tricks at her old age huh. he didn't think she'd still know how to surprise him. the paper was burned away on a candle flame. he wonders if he'd see his wandering wife on his travels with his taoist-hyung. would they all share a drink at the teahouse when they do? oh he hoped so. there's not much things to look forward to at this age, so at least give him some stories and a meal.

ah. he should let his taoist-hyung know about this too. before it slipped out of that old head of his.

[birkinist]

i have only been consuming jesse spencer media for the last few days. here is me, ranking from 1-16 every movie/show he has been in.

this does not include:

- any theatre he has ever made

- the script & queer fish (couldnt find them to watch)

- voice acting (will do a separate one for that thing)

16th:

blue heelers — lee cruickshank

minor role only. show wasn’t particularly interesting either and to be completely honest i don’t even recall seeing him once

15th:

skum rocks! — david lockhart

another minor role. also a documentary and those are not my favorite

14th:

tell-tale — lover

minor role pt. 3

13th:

time trax — young billy

felt like i was watching cp when this came on. plot is interesting but there is no good reason for having a 15 year old naked half of the time and a goofy voice.

12th:

winning london — lord james browning jr

i didn’t enjoy this solely because it’s based around chasing british boys 😭 not my type of movie

11th:

lorna doone — marwood

slight minor role but he does fine to be fair. doesn’t appear much neither is importantly and the show is boring to be honest

10th:

neighbours — bill kennedy

classic 👍

9th:

curse of the talisman — jeremy campbell

this was cute, even though it does not have great quality i liked jesses role in this

8th:

chicago fire; etc — matthew cassey

i absolutely despise this show but i gotta give it props for how much jesse appears in it

7th:

this girl is in trouble — nicholas feinstein

it was okay. i like his acting here mostly but the movie isn’t very great

6th:

uptown girls — neal fox

having him compared to morrissey is the funniest shit ever. props for this

5th:

stranded — fritz robinson

i would probably like this movie more if i didnt watch it in 360p

4th:

swimming upstream — tony figleton

really REALLY well produced movie and great acting from him. absolute banger sortof shit youd see winning an award

3rd:

flourish — eddie gator

absolute masterpiece, although i think people dont get it. having him be delirious and american will be hilarious forever

2nd:

death in holy orders — raphael arbuthnot

crazy queerbaiting between him and peter. literal religious yaoi. jesse so pretty and gay he acted out a role in which the character is described as pretty and appealing to men three different paragraphs (book).

1st:

house md — robert chase

cant complain about eight seasons straight of jesse. first media i watched from him too so it will always have a special place in my heart.

—

of course i could go into detail but i dont really think none of you wanna see me talk about that. besides movies i consumed an insane amount of interviews and info about him. call me the #1 jesse spencer fan (he would hate me)

[thygoddessouijathicc]

Old Man Yaoi May Not Be So Old

So there’s a segment in the DSaF fandom that beleive Dave and Jack are visibly old men. I’m fine with it, I used to, and in fact love the designs especially because there’s seems to be an almost taboo of drawing old people to a point and it’s homely really great that people here are doing it, but I don’t think that’s actually true canonically like I used to. I must stress though DRAW THEM HOW YOU LIKE. They can be old or not it doesn’t concern me.

Both of them are corpses. In terms of age, yes, they are quite old, but corpses don’t tend to age. And we see this in DSAF with the Phones not aging visibly, perhaps it’s just that it’s stock photos but Harry, despite being Gen 1, is physically not old. Why? Because Harry isn’t alive. None of the phones are. The phones are just well preserved and act like living creatures.

You know what else isn’t alive but acts like it? Dave and Jack. While they’d be in terms of numbers, old, in DSAF 3, given their ages at which they died it’s unlikely they’d physically get any older. And don’t say some kinda magic thing because we know for a fact that both behave like corpses, especially Jack. Jack paints himself orange to look alive (a weird colour choice but I digress), he does this because his body is rotting, likely turning black or purple (this also means any cursed colour swap between the two, the Jack side may just not have put on his makeup yet lol). Jack is rotting, definitely not alive body behaviours. Dave also does not behave like a living person. How many of those do you know that can do what he does. There seems to be a consensus that Davetrap is rotting but Dave is too nothing happened to Davetrap to kickstart the process that would mean Dave could not have before, it’s likely the pests just got in because he was stationary and likely far slower.

Let’s also talk about their behaviour. It’s not great to go off of but Jack doesn’t act like a mature adult and neither does Dave, they act like they’re rather young adults still figuring themselves out. Jack especially is quite childish, as if he never got a chance to mature. You could bring up Dee, but Dee’s situation is far different. It doesn’t seem like Dee has actually mentally matured so much as she has been put in a position in which she has no choice but to take on a more mature role and tries to fit that, she has no reason to mentally age, and none of the other children have meaning if she actually got older there would have to be more to it. Dee is as old as she always was, any maturity added is not due to age but due to her situation. Dave and Jack are immature people, and with this in mind it paints a somewhat grim picture of the fact that they never got to mature.

One could mention the ending in which Jack dies of old age… but the phones also have beards here and Jack is actually established to be semi immortal so dying of old age just doesn’t make sense, he can die, but it seems like he gets back up. So let’s be real the beards are fake, and Jack probably ate something weird, and will be fine in like 12 minutes. The game probably ends when you die because it would be weird if it didn’t even if you do get back up.

The only time I’d say Jack permanently dies is when he’s burned. Which leaves no body behind, which by the same principle as the others, means there’s nothing left to come back which sucks for him because oops no soul either.

Jack can also get rabies but… this also doesn’t feel like a sign he is alive.

Dave actively does rot in the game as Davetrap, Jack rots constantly, it’s safe to say their bodies do not work like human ones especially considering not having organs is not something that kills Dave. At least not that we know.

With all of this in mind, yeah. They are corpses. And as I’ve said before, corpses do not age in DSAF physically or mentally, even Blackjack is incredibly immature if you actually look at his behaviour. He’s also an asshole who never gets character development but that’s a story for another time.

It actually makes more sense if they don’t age given the very little change in their behaviour or character between games even after a massive Timeskip nothing seems to have changed at all which makes sense logically too, because why would Fredbear give Jack the ability to age? Let’s be real here if Jack can age eventually that will become a problem given that he is immortal seemingly as long as he has a body to return to. There’s no reason to give him the ability to age and plenty of reasons not to.

Now that’s not to say their bodies don’t change, they do. And if you realistically want to draw DSAF 3 Jack in his most canon possible form… which I doubt many do… Jack doesn’t age he rots he’s probably just a lot worse for wear if he hasn’t found a way to stop rotting yet. Him being an old man is unlikely, but a very decomposed zombie? More likely than you’d think.

And before anyone brings up the tapes, Dave may just look like that, pretty much every piece of art in that game is by a different person who is not Doggo, while Dave seems to be a bit older Jack does not. The tapes are in the past if we are saying that is Dave’s age in DSAF 3, sorry no.

DSAF 3 has incredibly inconsistent art to a point I’d say fans can largely disregard it but that’s an essay for another time just know art in that game isn’t as canon as people seem to think it is. At least not by my observation.

Dave and Jack are old men in age, but not in body. No in body they are most likely the age they died at which seems to have been pretty young for both of them like we know Jack was in his early 20s and Dave is a few years older but also died at the very least a few months before Jack. They aren’t old men, at least not canonically.

I must stress I mean they probably are not canonically old because honestly the DSaF fandom needs to take a chill pill and stop being angry at people for making their own designs, literally do what you want as long as it’s not illegal or like super fucked up. Don’t make Jack 12 and Dave 60 and ship that, but if you want to draw them old be my guest. This essay was just my observation of the idea that the fandom calls them old men and people seem to think they are canonically but it just seems unlikely.

[mymreaderlibrary]

Hey buddy, gotta say, fucking LOVE your old man yaoi post with price and reader. It's also one of my favorite things and shit if you'd like could you write more about them? Like I need these two old men to finally own up and kiss damnit 😭

I wanted to get this out way earlier but ANYWAYS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT AAAAGHHGH I honestly wanted to write about it a lil more but I wasn’t sure. I hope this is good, no beta cause I’m a looney toons of a writer who’s stubborn as hell.

[old friends to lovers, slight angst, injury ment, laswell is so fuckin annoyed by being the only smart person, use of y/n though they’re kinda treated more like an oc sorry, the ramblings continue]

[length: 1324 words]

|

|

|

They didn't speak of the night before, but they honestly didn't have to. Y/n and Price could tell their feelings were mutual, or at least stronger than a typical friendship, but instead they chose to be stopped by an invisible road block.

For y/n it was the feeling of lost time. They weren't young anymore, they didn't have the energy nor time for things like relationships and... well he wasn't sure if Price would want to be stuck with an old fart like himself. Price aged in a way that'd make any man jealous meanwhile y/n? Not so much. He was greying, his bones ached more often than not, he spent half of his time drinking shitty liquor that made his teeth reek, and, as much as he hates to admit it, he's just not handsome anymore. Price deserved to be with someone who still had life to them. Maybe a spunky military gal who could keep him on his toes or private operative with an infinite list of missions to complete. What he didn't need, however, was someone who already had their chance and wasted it. Y/n should've told him just how much Price meant to him, how much he envied the people who got to stay by his side. He should've searched for him, got on his hands and knees and begged to come with. Convince whoever had them separated to change their mind. He didn't care if he still went through the same pain he did when he was alone, if he had to amputate his own damn leg again, or deal with the loss of his parents one more time. As long as he could've done it by Price's side he would've been happy or at the very least satisfied. But that was the past and the current y/n could never catch up to the man Price had become.

However for Price it was guilt. He remembered the days that y/n and him felt invincible. Like every little thing was just a stepping stone in their grand journey to glory. No matter the pain they persevered, found solutions where others would've given up, made names for themselves amongst crowds of soldiers all baring the same purpose. Too bad those names couldn't stop them from being split up, from losing their friends, their families, from being sent all across the world with no way of knowing if the other was even alive. Those names couldn't stop y/n from losing his entire calf... (Price hated that he only knew of his friends injury due a rumor involved with y/n's discharge). Y/n shouldn't even be here, his time in the military was over, he paid his penance, he should be at home watching tv on a leather couch with a beer in hand. Nothing on the mind but whatever sore loser couldn't figure out tonight's Jeopardy categories. But no, Price had to go and drag him out from retirement, right back onto the front lines. Straight back into trouble. Even if he wasn't on the field that didn't mean he was away from risk. His mere association with the 141 planted a target on his back that wouldn’t be removed by simply walking away. Price didn't feel he deserved y/n's affection not when all he ever did was put him in danger.

So they both stayed like that, infinitely stubborn, hellishly avoidant, and not nearly as sly as they thought. The 141 didn't have a full understanding of what was going on between the two, but they could tell there was some unfinished business. Gaz thought maybe one of them slighted the other and neither have taken the step to apologize for it. Soap thought y/n perhaps betrayed Price and that's why he's missing part of his leg. Ghost had... almost the right idea, thinking there was a strange tinge of romantic tension between the two though he assumed it was from something like a love triangle. Maybe y/n and Price loved the same woman and had some unfinished rivalry? Regardless, it was not his problem so much as it didn’t effect the mission.

Laswell however, she knew. She wouldn't have the position she did if information like this just flew past her radar. She knew of their history, she saw how they reacted to one another. Laswell wasn't blind for god's sake, in fact she felt like the only one with eyes at the moment. She wasn't so crass as to demand them to make up and get it over with, but having no one to complain to was definitely testing her patience. Instead she stuck to subtly, casually chatting with Price about y/n and dropping questions in regards to their past missions together and how close they were, hoping to make some wheels turn in his rusted head. She wasn't gonna do more than that however, they were two grown men and if they couldn’t figure it out that was their problem. Could they just be a little more subtle though?

It took until a, quite literally, explosive scenario for them to finally get it together. A bullet had gotten lodged into Price's shoulder after an enemy made a lucky shot. It was far from the worst thing the Captain had faced but it still wasn't great, hurt like a bitch for one. And secondly it seemed to send y/n into a spiral. He was practically fuming when Price got back, going on some sort of rant about hygiene and wound care. Y/n demanded to be the one to dress Price's shoulder with a tone that had the others knowing they were not invited to watch unless they wanted to join in on the incoming lecture. And lecture he did, through the whole process Price could barely get a word in. Y/n paced and raved, threw his arms in the air and even knocked over supplies on accident. He was a complete mess and it wasn't until y/n was literally out breath that the Captain could finally speak.

An explanation of what happened was given, it was just luck (bad luck in regards to Price) that he got hit. This wasn’t overly common and the team knew how to deal with these wounds. Everything was okay, it was going to be fine. This just came with the job, risks were inevitable.

They were quiet, looking at each other and letting the silence permeate the room. Price reached his hand out to touch y/n’s but was caught off guard as the other man suddenly leaned it. Knocking his head against Price’s good shoulder and breathing heavily, y/n shuddered a silent cry. A plead for Price to be safe. Whatever false version of safety he could promise, just please don’t die out there.

The Captain raised his outstretched hand to cup the back of y/n’s head, running a thumb over the stubbled hair. Letting his hand slide to his face and pushing him back just an inch.

Another moment of silence. Hearts beating like rabbits.

“You gonna actually do something or do I-“

Price shut him up as quickly as he could. It was clumsy, a bit shaky, and definitely desperate, but the moment their lips touched it felt like pure ecstatic relief. Relief that this was finally happening, relief that the invisible barrier they built around each other was so weak, but mostly relief that those moments, all those touches and lingering stares weren’t for nothing.

They breathed in each others scent, something they’ve come to know so well and yet in this moment it felt brand new, and infinitely stronger. The spice of a cigar, the sting of sweat, and- oh right, sterile wipes. Price was left to chuckle awkwardly and y/n backed away. Any childish excitement felt would have to wait but at the very least they had this.

[thecoolerliauditore]

third time getting this ask deleted, i don't think the universe wants my thoughts on fem grian out there :(

i don't even actually have any problem with this interpretation. it's just both very interesting and silly to me. there is a non-insignificant amount of fanwork that emphasizes grian as having a small, thin waist and general petite frame. nothing wrong with that, but deeply amusing as someone who generally doesn't see the c!lifers' human builds as significantly different from their irl counterparts. starting to suspect people don't share my love for middle-aged guys who look like middle-aged guys... maybe i watch too much british comedy.

ultimately i do agree that it's due to grian being more uke-viable than the other two in mumscarian. which is interesting, because you could argue that mumbo shares a lot of the same "effeminate" traits (higher-pitched voice, not a hulking brute force, sneaky and conniving, young, skinny?) which just proves the power of the Guy with Suit and Moustache branding. exceptions to this are when mumbo gets to have a nice long dress, but i still think the way grian gets feminized is different to that.

something else i find interesting is that grian's deception and manipulation (and power?) is sometimes the sole reason for his feminization getting pushed from generic twink to femboy/literal woman. which is something that i don't think i can do justice pontificating about. i mean this less in a "that's kind of misogynistic way" (well, sort of) and more like, ok what kind of psychosexual game of telephone is happening here. martyn or scott don't really get this treatment, despite (imo) both being valid contenders for evil womanification.

does any of this matter? absolutely not. men shipped in yaoi pairs will get interestingly gendered one way or another. it just so happens that a very specific domino effect lead to grian getting hit with the twinkification beam at a disproportional rate to the others. the only factor that is unique to grian in getting twinkified and feminized is the 3px skin. all others are shared (gremlin-ness, shortness, voice, cuteness, youth, being evil?, sneaky, manipulative) ergo it really is the 3px skin difference. thank you for your time.

also sorry if it seemed like i was assuming you were a grian fan, i legitimately wasn't lol i just sent it to you because of aforementioned gender mentions and you general Goodness in talking about fandom meta.

last thing i'll say is i mournfully agree with the menswear section. i do wish that we could combat more against the "men's fashion/design is boring" sentiment in general fandom. character involving menswear is such an untapped treasure trove that it's baffling to me. alas.

oh please don't worry I was just trying to clarify I wasn't knowledgeable on grian, I love discussions like this! I just didn't want to like. yap a whole bunch and then hit you with the "ok so I don't actually watch Grian all that much" (like I genuinely had completely forgotten about Mother Spore)

"psychosexual game of telephone" is very real and I think I'm going to adopt that into my vocabulary from now on. Scott's name being here is interesting because I actively try not to bring him up in every discussion nowadays, but I do think he is also feminized in fanon but in a way very different to Grian.

My Scott design at least I think you could make that argument for since I based alot of him off of my favourite pretty boys/bishounen, with the eyelashes visible and whatnot, but I tried to at least make it somewhat clear that he is a Man. He even kind of got hit with the detwinkification ray the more I drew him.

And idk fanon Scott is like. It's own brand of fascinating to me because I used to see a lot of people claim he was a "fem gay man" and I was like???????? is he???????????? I suppose his masculinity is a very queer brand of masculinity but it still very much reads as masculinity to me. Very "cis gay man" as he says himself. When I see the words "fem gay man" I am not imagining Scott Smajor, that much is for sure.

There's also just not that many Scott artists relative to the rest of the characters but what art I do see of him tends to lean either anime twink. Weight and body type is also a factor here I think is worth exploring but aughhhh shutting up about Scott. Point is I do think he gets his fair share of feminization but it's complicated with him cus you have to factor in him being The Gay One (and the associations people have with that) and his whole persona being very Cute 🌺

But yes yes anyway I do think Mumbo's moustache does him wonders, as does the CC's reputation for being a giant.

And while none of this Really matters I also don't think any of our lives Really matter and I think these trends are interesting so. We may as well have fun studying them. It's times like these where I wish I could have the brazen-ness to just yoink people's art and put them next to their takes about the character to really, really get in there but I'd feel rude 😔

FTR re the whole nothing wrong with it thing I agree! And you can look at this silly thing I drew for April Fools for my opinion on fanon designs and body types. I am a massive hypocrite in a lot of ways and I think sometimes you do just gotta break down the biases that make you view a certain set of traits a certain way and go. Wow okay that's interesting. and just kinda leave.

My Pearl design for example has some misogynistic implications -- hell, all of my designs for the women lifers are on the shorter side. My Pearl is shorter than my Bdubs and Joel who have entire gags surrounding them about being short! CC Pearl is very much not cute moe anime girl, I turned her character into cute moe anime girl. And I'd do it any day. Minus one point for me in the feminism and body positivity categories 😔 and I'd do it again.

It's whatever man. Humans have biases built on millions of years of history and people also have their own individual beliefs and preferences influenced by that history. and I think seeing that show through people's minecraft youtuber designs like little bits and pieces of worldviews is REALLY COOL. and while I'm also a biased human being who has my tastes I genuinely do think this is really fascinating.

Ok sorry this really got away from me can you tell I like this topic lmao. I just think it's really cool when you get unlimited perspectives on a certain set of traits applied onto a very interpretable design like a minecraft skin

Fist bump on the menswear btw. Makes me wanna draw that self-indulgent idea I had awhile back where I just use the lifers as my fashion dolls. Idk I just think Etho would kill in some Japanese techwear

[manorpunk]

Are you writing a book? Or which story format are you aiming to publish your story with?

WELL WELL WELL FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK

I’ve spent this year bouncing several different ideas in my head (Manorpunk: The Rock Opera?) but lately I've been focusing on an outline for a novel, mostly because once the central idea got in my head it wouldn’t leave, and the ideas around it and related to it have been cohering well and I like how it’s developing. Let’s start with the one-sentence pitch! 

Manorpunk: To Seize and Hold - In a balkanized future-America, a small-town gay kid (in the adult sense) catches the affections of an eccentric military commander and becomes a pawn of the vtuber-president’s political schemes.

The Kid is Liam Hessian - Having suffered the thousand cuts of growing up gay in a conservative small town, Liam has become withdrawn and disaffected, retreating into a rich inner life where he may or may not be haunted by an wealthy ancient Roman woman named Leona. Beneath his aloof and disaffected shell, he struggles to maintain a sense of compassion and justice in a world that seems so cruel and nonsensical.

The eccentric military commander is Jacob Martin Rider - after leading a ragtag army to victory during the Quebec War, Jacob retired to a life of luxury, larping as a vainglorious Victorian dandy and living in a mansion full of strapping young men dressed as maids. His relentless charm and confidence hides a cruel, selfish, and cunning side - the sort of person with a smile so bright it makes you forget that he’s killed people. He takes a liking to Liam and sweeps him out of his small town and into a life of delirious indulgence.

And the vtuber-president is, of course, Sunny Roosevelt - the president of Usonia, who has cultivated an image as something of a tutelary deity, a ‘nationsona’ if you will, a bubbly cloth mother in public and a bratty child-empress in private. She has access to all manner of methods for hijacking electronic devices, appearing on people’s screens at a whim. She contacts Liam in private and ‘asks’ him to keep an eye on Jacob for her, to make sure he isn’t doing anything too irresponsible, given his reputation and previous experience.

I like this trio, not just because they’re my OCs and therefore they are my evil stupid babies but also because (I hope) they are thematically rich - each of them are a different take on the theme of one’s public vs. private persona, and each has a sort of historical resonance - Liam has his ancient Roman ghost-buddy, Jacob has his 18th century dress and demeanor, and Sunny’s avatar is a piece of future tech which also hearkening back to an age of patron saints and town protector-spirits (and Sunny is naturally quite happy to be perceived by her fans as something like a demigod).

It also (again, I hope) gives the story a sturdy backbone to build off of. “Oh no, I like you but also I’m supposed to spy on you (and also I’m not sure if I actually like you)” gives the story some stakes to support all the pondering about the fall of American exceptionalism, the goofy Pynchonesque names, and the yaoi.

Right, I haven’t even mentioned Webersberg yet! That’s another big plot thread. Actually, that’s a handy way to transition into an overall plot summary. 

We open on Liam Hessian in his hometown of Webersberg, in the year 206X. 

Back during the Polycrisis - the period in the 2030s when the US federal government collapsed - Webersberg was a mall-fort run by a local gang of bandits, but now it’s an isolated little farming town (the joke here being that bandits are the larval stage of landowners). The initial exposition is justified by having Liam sit up too fast after getting too high, based on personal experience. Liam works at the local Denny’s managed by his father, Roy Hessian, where he waits tables for a handful of bit-characters who help flesh out the setting: local schoolteacher and wine mom Aubergine Poot, affable black-market goons Liquor & Gusto, and the Tractor Samurai, the fourth-best tractor salesman in Manistee, none of whom are deserving of bold text.

We are also introduced to Remington Weber, the boss of Webersberg - calling him a governor in any capacity would be giving him too much credit, he’s in charge by virtue of having a cadre of large adult sons and a monster truck with a gun rack; we also meet Liam’s friend and pseudo-intellectual stoner Solomon van Gekkenhuis.

But, as tends to happen to small towns in the beginning of stories, everything is about to change. All the internet-connected screens in Webersberg are suddenly hijacked to announce the inauguration of president Sunny Roosevelt, who’s here to put America back together again in the form of Usonia, an EU-esque union of independent states There’s a 25% off sale in her merch store to celebrate. The unanimous response to this news is “wait, there was an election?”

Yes, there was an election, but Webersberg was never officially incorporated into the Great Lakes Republic, despite selling their produce all over the state. (I once heard that fascism is ‘the frontier coming home,’ taking techniques of colonial governance and applying them to the imperial core, and I’ve been chewing on the idea ever since. Unrelated, but also there’s an annual fee for ‘citizenship subscriptions,’ and if you have a Platinum tier subscription or higher you get one free hit-and-run a year.) Thus begins a spree to finish centralizing and consolidating the territory within Usonia, which brings us to Bogdan Comprendo, governor of the Great Lakes Republic. Bogdan meets with Remington to discuss the options for town’s future, and the big catalyst ‘things are happening’ scene is their meeting in the Denny’s, which includes this exchange that I’m rather proud of:

“Are you at all familiar with how the construction sector operates, Mister Weber?” Bogdan said, precise and punctilious with a hiss of the s and a click of the t, “the construction sector employs millions of people across every economic stratum, from day laborers to architects to investment bankers, and consumes vast quantities of steel, timber, concrete, rubber, copper, glass, and aluminum. This hunger for raw material creates entire industries which exist just to fill its needs - scores of miners, loggers, refiners, manufacturers, purchasers, and distributors, each industry employing more and more millions of people. If construction were to stop, not only would those construction workers be out of a job, but the demand for all of those raw materials would plummet, causing the price of those materials to plummet as well, ruining the profit margins of those industries which depend on the construction sector's demand. Businesses would go bankrupt. Unemployment would skyrocket. The economy would collapse. There would be chaos and riots. Construction must continue… but there is only so much land to build on. Do you know the best way to ensure continued employment in the construction sector, Mister Weber?”

Bogdan folded his hands and rested them on the table. Remington leaned back and folded his arms and smiled, looking rather satisfied with himself, like a mouse who was so excited to find an unguarded piece of cheese that he hadn’t noticed the cage hovering right above his head.

“By getting my permission to build some shiny new development here, isn’t that right?” he said.

Bogdan flashed a thin, poison-tipped barb of a smile.

“No. The best way to ensure continued employment in the construction sector is to find some shithole, bomb it to the ground, and rebuild it from scratch. That is option A. We are here to discuss option B, Mister Weber.”

Needless to say the construction begins shortly afterwards, giving Liam a glimpse into the new amenities of 206X, first in the form of the NomBox: a vending machine which dispenses fully-cooked meals in conveniently edible box shapes, like a naan cube stuffed with butter chicken or a spaghetti cube stuffed with bolognese sauce. Also, it won’t dispense your food until you say “baby wants a treat.”

On a slightly less whimsical note, Webersberg also gets an Aivrcade cafe - it’s the future, so VR is finally good now, finally, and Liam immediately gets sucked into playing Eternal Frontier, the massively popular fantasy VR MMO. Liam has finally escaped into a comfortable but stagnant routine of working at Denny’s, playing Aivrcade, and sleeping, but Bogdan’s gunboat diplomacy has wounded Remington’s ego, and he won’t take it lying down.

+++++

Whew, that’s a lot, and Jacob Martin Rider hasn’t even shown up yet. Felt good to get this all out, I’ve been rotating these shapes in my head for months and now I get to see it all pay off. Stay tuned for act 2!

[gaywizardzone]

deliriously in love with your dgm fanart. i stumbled into a full course buffet. exquisite, splendid, 10/10 no notes. do you have any DGM fic recs, bc i have suitcases full of DGM recs,

ok first of all thank you so much!! dgm is i think the thing i've drawn the most fanart for in my life cumulatively? in many bursts of insanity over the years. lol. so i have a lot of fun drawing it and i'm very honored that you like what i've made so much. also re: your other ask my worstie and collaborator ozwuv and i are working on it together since you sent it to both of us (we made a joint google doc to combine our perspectives lol) so the answer might not come from me but you'll get one!

second of all i am kind of an old livejournal era hag in terms of my taste in fanfiction in general and my history with this series in particular, so there are exactly three things in here that are less than a decade old and two of them are from 2016. naturally this means that a lot of it is now divergent with some details of how the plot and characterization and etc has actually gone (sorry to everyone back in the day who thought kanda was looking for some missing sister or something. one truly could not have possibly seen all of that coming). that said they still hold up to me in terms of general character dynamics and being fun and well written and such. recommendations also depend on what you like! i will generally not put that much shipping in here because there aren't that many of those i've read and would recommend in the first place (no hate to our strong and beautiful yaoi warriors, i used to read nearly anything back in the day, it's just that not too much of it has stuck with me) but there are some things that are so iconic to me that i could not in good conscience not include them. lots of this is kanda-centric because i like him :) putting it all below the cut

Hard Living by metisket - the aforementioned ship fic that's too iconic not to include. changed my brain chemistry when i first read it many many years ago. i seriously considered making it the only thing i put on here for a second just for the bit. To Me this is actually such a classic that it transcends shipping. the humor is very sharp and funny and i'm so in love with the concept of dying young for them meaning getting old early first and having to deal with it all together. they're so damn hilarious. it should happen to them. it does in my dreams. it never will but in my head there will always be a world where it does <3 i love to draw fanart of them as old decrepit men at 35 and maybe i'll post some of it someday. obviously it was written pre-alma so you just have to accept that it's wildly inaccurate in that regard. anyway pretty much anything this author has written for dgm is really good, i will put a few more metisket favorites on this list but check it all out even if i didn't include it. also this particular one is the inspiration for my most favoritest kanda fic <3 below

Blooming From the Mud by zarinthel - this is not just me shilling fic by someone i know. i am an absolute kanda diehard and this is really THE fic for me in terms of like hitting all the things i love about him. zar number one kanda understander. incredibly funny and compelling i don't care if you don't know anything about bleach (i don't either i haven't read it since middle school) or that you haven't read the fic it's inspired by (though you should) or that it's unfinished. you all should and in fact must read it. kanda's life is both so sad and so hilarious because of how sad it is and his pov here is just so excellently funny because he really is such a funny individual. also not a slash fic though it does really highlight how close and kind of insane his and allen's relationship is in a way that i find extremely delightful and accurate and just wonderful. they make me sick (positive). really good. so if you're a non shipper but you care about them you should read it and if you're a shipper you will also certainly enjoy it anyway so you should read it. truly for everyone!

Chimera Obscurant by moonsheen - i tend to struggle with most kanda/alma fix-it fanwork i've encountered despite loving them dearly because i rarely feel like anyone evokes the way their relationship is both strong and a bit unsettling (at least to me) without swinging around into being too edgy (i fully admit i have not explored super deeply because i get frustrated easily so i'm sure there are things that would appeal to me that i'm missing). this is one of the very few things i've read for them that i've been like yes i think this is beginning to get at the kind of atmosphere i want to see. if i remember correctly this was written before kanda came back to drag allen into accepting support and friendship so i'm just like "oh whatever" about its incompatibility with that. fanwork for ongoing stuff truly creates divergent timelines in my head. anyway this is the most nsfw thing that will end up in here and it's not particularly explicit, but heads up that it is there in case you're averse to that

In his Heart by harukami - another kanda/alma but just kanda technically. i read this and was so delighted that i made a :D face in real life. i've assimilated this into my worldview like i think this is something he would do. he's crazy like that.

Economies of Scale by liketolaugh - last kanda and alma one but this one's here less for the romantic aspect and more because i'm so endeared by the idea of fresh out of the lab kanda being so angry and miserable but also completely blindsided by all the stuff there is in the world. ten year old who is learning about so many new animals. really funny and cute and sad.

siblings, probably by scarlet666 - this one's for the kanda and lenalee enthusiasts. the best friends lovers. i love them so dearly i put the level of energy people usually put into shipping into their bestie-isms so naturally this was for me. huge shoutout to this person for writing 20k words about them if nobody else in the world has my back i know they do. i have the memory of a goldfish and this is long enough that i can't really scan quickly to refresh my memory and make more detailed comments but i know it deserves a spot on here. my note from when i bookmarked it just reads AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH but i never leave a comment in that field at all usually so that speaks volumes i think. life is so beautiful sometimes. peace and love on planet earth <3

Welcome Home by metisket - for the rest of this list i am about to hit you with the metisket beam. the author whose work i most fondly remember from my youth by far, which means that's what's stuck with me and what half of my recs will be. i love this one dearly because i love a normal person perspective in insane anime settings type of fic and reever is so delightfully normal and longsuffering and also funny as hell. love how his relationship with komui is in this. not a ship fic and am not recommending it as such but it did make me in the back of my head go "komui/reever is almost like roy/riza without the war crimes for people who are cringefail mad scientist enthusiasts." sane responsible second in command type slash babysitter who is devotedly loyal to crazy irresponsible boss but also wants to kill him a little bit. they're so great to me

Growing Up by Accident by metisket - just so kanda and allen and the way their relationship is. having the exact same feelings about something but approaching it so differently that they want to attack each other. love them 4ever. the way metisket writes allen's internal voice is also delightful to me (like not JUST here but in general). he's so jaded and funny. probably my favorite allen to read out of anyone who writes him ever. and kanda is always just so...kanda.......<3

Sand Castle by metisket - (smiles and blood leaks from the side of my mouth) i love you allen walker. i love this look at allen's growth pre-series from cross' perspective and how he managed to become the hilarious twisted convoluted wonderful little freak that he is. allen is so.....everything to me truly i would never have it any other way. really kind of darkly funny but also like agonizingly emotional. delightful

Mask and Mirror by metisket - love this take on what the inside of lavi's head is like, and also the way all the character dynamics shine through even in such a short thing, they're all so wonderfully cute and funny. the sense of humor is really great. lenalee didn't even make a real appearance but even the brief mention of how she and kanda are had me giggling.

in the circus series by metisket - certified classic. i love timcanpy pov and this whole thing is just so emblematic of my fond memories of old dgm fanworks. i love anything that highlights the way they're all just so immensely fucked up to the point that it's actually incredibly absurd and funny. i'm pretty sure metisket's LJ has more mini outtakes from this series but i'm too lazy to dig through the dgm tag right now so i'll just link it so you can do it yourself if you're interested.

lastly if you're looking for someone to share your recs with you're free to! i am on a personal level picky as hell and my taste in styles and approaches to fanwork was forged in the livejournal mines and has not evolved with the times LOL but i also don't judge <3

[dustbunnylair]

Killing Stalking and How Media Has Affected The Manhwa (SPOILERS FOR KILLING STALKING!!)

TW: Mentions of r*pe, m*rder, CSA, SA, being m0lested, incest, homophobia, fetishization of gay people, romanticization/glorification of abusive relationships, Stockholm syndrome

If you are going in on this without knowing what Killing Stalking is, then let me explain. Killing Stalking is a psychological horror and thriller manhwa from South Korea written by author Koogi, it ran from March 3rd, 2016 to March 22nd, 2019. The Manhwa is about two men, Yoon Bum, is described as a frail, feminine gay young man with a round or baby face, with dark circles under his eyes, implied to be eyebags, when reading the story, even if it’s simply the first chapter, you will find out that Yoon Bum is the “stalking” in Killing Stalking. Then Oh Sangwoo, is described as a handsome, charismatic, straight young man, he resembles the “killing” in Killing Stalking. The manhwa has been quite popular since it came out, but it became popular on social media, such as TikTok, in 2019-2021. Unfortunately, this manhwa wasn’t getting popular for being a well-written psychological horror but instead was being watered down to a Yaoi. If I were to go over the entire Manhwa, we’d be here all day, so if you do want to look into it, go ahead.

The two main characters of Killing Stalking have mental illness representation, which plays a key part in the series. Yoon Bum struggles with hypersexuality, Stockholm syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and derealization. Sangwoo is a sociopath/has Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD) and a narcissist.

Both Yoon Bum and Sangwoo had very traumatic lives as kids, Yoon Bum’s parents died when he was young so his grandma and uncle took care of him. His uncle would beat him with a belt, starve him and even eventually rape him. 

Sangwoo’s dad was neglectful, and meanwhile, his mother took care of him, what was seemingly an innocent and wholesome mother-son relationship, would take a dark turn for the worst. His mother killed his dad when Sangwoo was a teenager and helped her hide the body, she ended up gaslighting him into believing that Sangwoo killed his own father, not her. He and his mother got closer, she would call him “babe” which she would call her husband, Sangwoo was obviously uncomfortable with it but never directly told her, yet he did confront her, asking “You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?”. His mother tried to kill him just like she did to her husband. He ended up passed out, waking up tied up in a basement. This basement led to his SA by his mother when he woke up. Sangwoo ended up breaking free in which his mother would sob and say she was sorry, it is implied that she killed herself, stabbing a knife into her neck. Sangwoo’s trauma played a huge part not only in the Manhwa but also in the fandom. 

Moving onto the romanticization and glorification of the relationship between Sangwoo and Yoon Bum, and how the reasoning behind their relationship is foreshadowed. Sangwoo says in one of the last chapters that he should’ve killed Yoon Bum from the start and he regrets not doing so. The reason Sangwoo kept Yoon Bum alive is for sexual pleasure and the fact that Yoon Bum resembled Sangwoo’s mother, Eunseo. This is foreshadowed multiple times within the series, as shown below.

If you don’t believe it because of the foreshadowing, then maybe the final Q&A of Killing Stalking will give you an answer, screenshots shown below.

Honestly, I feel like someone will tell me that no one has ever shipped Yoon Bum and Sangwoo, nor has anyone liked Sangwoo or labeled the Manhwa as a Yaoi/Bl, but I do in fact have evidence:

Killing Stalking, in my opinion, is genuinely well-written for a psychological horror. I hate to see it be watered down to a Yaoi, even when the author said it wasn’t. Not to mention that Killing Stalking claims to have a live adaptation someday. To be honest, as a “fan” of Killing Stalking, I really don’t want it to have a drama made about it. It will just make the fandom rise again and I personally feel that any time a K-drama, anime, Donghua, etc. gets popular, especially among Western countries like America, it gets overly popular in a bad way. Take Squid Games, My Hero Academia, Jujutsu Kaisen, and many more shows as examples of that. Not to mention that in Korea it is extremely hard to get lgbtq+ characters on-screen let alone get r*ped, have intercourse, or touch each other in any sexual or romantic way.

I’d also like to make it clear that I am NOT upset that it’s a gay ship, I am upset that it is an abusive/toxic relationship. Popular ships in shows (specifically in Asian media) are a topic for another time, thank you if you read this far throughout my yapping. Have a good day, and do not live in delusion like Yoon Bum and Sangwoo shippers lol

Where I got my information:

https://killing-stalking.fandom.com/wiki/Oh_Sangwoo

https://killing-stalking.fandom.com/wiki/Yoon_Bum

https://killing-stalking.fandom.com/wiki/Killing_Stalking_Wiki

+ Killing Stalking the Manhwa itself, you can read on Lezhin Comics or Mangago

[thelovelymissbigbadwolf]

Here's my personal HC for the Fair family tree

Grandma (M) / Grandpa (M): Mom

Grandma (D) / Grandpa (D): Dad

Dad / Mom: Zack

Grandma (MD) : 💀

Grandpa (MD) Old man Yaoi

Yes I HC that after their wives death, both of Zack's grandparents got together since they were childhood friends and also war colleagues who secretly loved each other but never acted upon it and only did so once they were old.

Mom accepted and figured it out first. Dad took WAY too long to understand what was happening, and when he did went like

"WAIT— WHAT— WHEN— HOW—" Bluescreen.

Zack himself took WAY too long to find out about his grandparents because his parents had no idea HOW to touch the subject. I mean, his mom knew, but his dad always interrupted the subject, fearing his son's reaction. Even though both knew his kid would accept it. Until

Zack: Uh, mom, what's up with dad? Why's he acting like that whenever I ask about pops?

Sara: Oh, because—

Jack: WHOWANTSPUMPKINPIEIWANTPUMPKINPIEZACKSONGOFETCHUSSOMEPUMPKINSWILLYA???

Zack gets weirded out, but does so anyway, fetching an axe and out for the pumpkins field.

Sara: JACK FOR FUCK'S SAKE IT'S NOT EVEN PUMPKIN SEASON!

Jack: I KNOW I JUST-AHWJCWKHCWJJCKW YOU GET WHY I DID THAT, SARA!

Sara: NO I DO NOT!

Jack: What if his reaction is bad??

Sara: Jack you know our son and knows even though he likes girls, THERE ISN'T A SINGLE STRAIGHT BONE IN HIM. NO HE WILL NOT HAVE A BAD REACTION!

It takes Zack a total of three hours searching for a ripe pumpkins to realize something— it's winter, it's not pumpkin season. He walked back home and just went to a general store to buy some pumpkin jam instead and heads home.

Zack: Dad, I think you mistook the season, so I got—

He looks up and sees his grandparents and immediately goes to hug them and they talk about how his life on the big city's been. He talked about his friends, about his girlfriend to them. And how he's going to live a beautiful romance with her just like his grandparents did. Sara giggled along with both grandparents and Jack shushed them. Zack didn't get it. Were they laughing at him?

Zack: I... Don't see what's funny, why are y'all laughing?

Sara: Oh, nothing sweetie, it's just—

Jack: YOUJUSTMETHERHOWDOYOUKNOWSHESTHEONE

Sara glared at Jack. Zack frowned at him.

Zack: Well, how did you know mom was the one for you?

Sara: Zack, your dad didn't want to—

Pops (M): Eh, don't worry Bloodhound, we can take it from here.

Sara nodded and dragged Jack out of the room. Jack was eating his nails while waiting for the scene to be over, not knowing what his son's reaction would be. (Also I will be calling them Raph and Crowley for practicity purposes)

Raph: We both have something to say to you, squeaker.

Zack: What?

Both the old men held hands in front of Zack. He looked at it. The two parents were having a distinct reaction, Sara calm and Jack freaking out. Zack looked confused and just shrugged.

Zack: Well?...

Raph: Uh... Alright, uh... You know when... Two people love each other?

He pointed at their held hands. Zack shook his head, still confused. Sara now started to freak out.

Sara: Oh my god.

Jack: DO YOU GET WHY I'M LIKE THIS?!

Zack's fraternal grandfather (Raph) began to stutter, not knowing what to do or say. Zack's maternal grandfather (Crowley) rolled his eyes and just grabbed the other's face and pulled him for a kiss. THAT is when it finally hit to him.

Zack: O H

Jack: DO YOU GET NOW?!

Zack: H O W

Sara: ARE YOU SERIOUS??

Zack: W H E N

Raph: He's young! How did he not catch the clues?!

Zack: W H O

Crowley: You forget he's your grandson.

Zack: HO— wait, what?

Raph: ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?!

Zack: ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?!

[davesteeth]

Headcanon nellis all you have!!!

omg i’ve been meaning to respond to this i’m so sorry it took me literally forever..

but omg.. here’s me talking about nellis (kinda nsfw..)

- so basically in my lil l4d universe ellis and nick become a thing by finding alcohol in an abandoned house and getting sloshed almost immediately (empty stomach plus everything else the apocalypse sucks out of you) and well one thing led to another.. two wasted men who haven’t had sexual relief in a very long time.. sloppy gay things were just bound to happen

they wake up jumbled over each other, half their clothes off and just lookin rough. they put two and two together, freak out at first, but lowkey realize they feel better in some weird natural way

realizing they need to get a nut out every now and again, they will secretly venture off and get drunk and fuck

outside of this, they act like nothing is up. treat each other how they usually do, it’s like nothing is going on.. but because to them it really doesn’t mean anything

but.. when you’re intimate with someone, let alone in such an environment, and that person’s life is in your hands daily.. it’s natural to develop feelings

and that’s basically what happens to them. as time went on in the apocalypse, protecting and saving each other, being vulnerable in multiple ways, etc.. add in sticking their dicks in each other, of course they’re gonna fall in love smh

BUT.. it’s not that easy to admit nor accept. they’re dumb men

so they just.. continue their apocalyptic lives with this newfound family, trying to survive

- i don’t see ellis as the typical naive kid. is he immature and dumb? yes.. BUT he’s a young southern man.. he isn’t innocent

i bring this up bc throughout the years the overall nellis trope has been nick being solely a mysterious jackass and ellis solely a childish shy boy. very yaoi-esque lol

ellis is a rough and tough born and raised southern boy! just cuz he got choked up on his words with zoey doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be confident in anything else (and i mean it’s zoey… who wouldn’t fumble their words)

so i just don’t see the “nick pushes ellis against the wall and he’s all blushy and shy and doesn’t know what to say”

he would either be like oh hell yea right on brother i’m down for this.. or he would punch nick in the face

- ellis definitely brings out the goofball in nick. it took him a minute to crack those old walls but once he did he realized nick actually can be a fun normal human being

- nick is definitely a gossiper and surprisingly so is ellis (but yet not that surprising bc he is from the south lolol) (ALL 4 OF THE L4D2 SURVIVORS WOULD BE BIG GOSSIPERS IMO LOL)

- it actually took them a very very long time to actually have penetrating sex. they never had been with men before, so they were virgins technically. for a while all they did was oral, handjobs, etc. they had to slowly make their way to third base lol.. and when they did i think that would be where the genuine feelings truly blossomed between them

um um um i have way more headcanons but i have 2 brain cell so if you wanna hear more i would need to get asked like.. specific topics LOL

[thefairykingssword]

alright, I believe it's been long enough, show us the cast

The cast is not yet complete, but I'll share what I've got of the human cast!

Edmund. He is a Mage Lord, which is a Lord version of the Mage Knight class. He is well studied yet headstrong. High Intelligence low Wisdom basically.

Meriadoc, the Paladin! He's a sweet old man and loyal to a fault. He also deeply believes in the good in the heart of everyone.

Magaidh, the Heavy Cavalier(Cavalier that can promote to Great Knight or Paladin)! Butch lesbian and childhood friend of Edmund. She has yuri with the pegasus knight(Who I will not be showing here as I am not yet happy with her portrait.) She is very protective of Edmund and her buddy Lachlann, perferring to do the fighting for them.

Lachlann, the Light Cavalier(Promotes to Paladin or Dark Knight)! He is Magaidh's counterpart, and is a very gay twink. He gets yaoi with the Wyvern Knight Sergius. He's pretty happy to let Magaidh forge ahead, but he certainly can hold his own. He is very shy around other men.

Ulysses, the Thief! A young grifter who gets caught up with Edmund's party. He's snarky and tries to get his scam on as best as possible, even in the middle of war.

Cryann, the Mage! She is the child of one the members of the Triumvirate of Finnidas, with Finnidas being the most northerly nation of Skotika. She's on the run after one of the Triumvirate overthrew the other two, and is working to defeat him and reclain her birthright the Fimbulvetr tome.

James, the Myrmidon. Nonbianry icon. They don't have time for anyone's bullshit. They're here for cold hard cash. They have some deeper lore but it is spoilers.

Adnamantia, the Monk! She has been fleeing from the nation of Fragia with her daughter Brianna and the traitorous Fragian general Sergius, and are seeking out Edmund with an important message. She also has major lore, and it is also spoilers.

Brianna, the Dancer! She's Adnamantia's daughter, and is fleeing with her mother and Sergius.

Sergius, the Wyvern Rider! He is a former general of Fragia, who decided to defect and join with Adnamantia and her daughter. He is stern and secretive, and is gonna get Yaoi with Lachlann.

Godric, Edmund's elder brother, and a Sage. He has been disinherited, and is very unhappy about that. He actively tries to undermine his brother at times.

Prince Godfrey, son of King Dagult of Ekata. He's a good friend of Edmund. He has been practising with the sacred lance Ekstar, but he still rather clumsy with it.

And finally, Sparteth, a mysterious Myrmidon woman who Edmund encounters throughout his journey. She harbours a great secret, one that will be rather important.

I omitted some, for various reasons. You can meet them when the hack is finally done. It will be awhile.

[megumar]

i translated 鶴子's oldtakak doujin because i need me some old men yaoi before this year ends!! (🔞 R-18/NSFW 🔞)

i had such an EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER translating this-- it went from wholesome > shocking > funny > frustrating > wholesome and funny again > frustrating again > sentimental > horny > shocking again > horny again > and then sentimental again… this took me almost a week LOL i hope i did this right---

the translations might not be 100% correct (i used google translate), also this doujin was supposed to take place on christmas day but that day is obviously over so… happy holidays then! ✨

pg.1

❤️ 40 years old JoKa fabrication warnings ❤️

❤️ JoKa in their 40s who are married and living together. ❤️ A romantic comedy about Jotaro who goes back to when he was a teenager. ❤️ I want to dress these old men in school uniforms! This is that kind of book. Merry Christmas! ❤️ R-18

pg.2

(on a snowy evening…)

pg.3

J : *enters house* Kakyoin, I'm home. Sorry for being late… K : *off screen* Welcome home, Jotaro! J : *looking around* Kakyoin? K : Please wait just a bit… K : I was taking in the laundry! Great job today. (woah, it's so cold~) K : I've finished preparing the bath and dinner, too. What will you do? K : Ah! Or, do you want to do me first? ❤️ Dr. Kujo is naughty~ ❤️❤️ (just kidding~ ❤️) J : Well, that's not bad either. But before that… J : Lend me that. K : The laundry? I'll clean them up. J : No, I went to the beach the other day, so most of it must be mine.

pg.4

J : I'll be the one to clean them up. You must be tired from work too. K : No, it's fine. I'll do it, you can just rest, so give it to me! J : No. (hmph…) K : Alright… Then let's do it together. J : Mm… K : But thank you for helping me, Jotaro. *smooch* K : After cleaning up, shall we take a bath together? K : (i'll wash your back too~ ❤️ just kidding~) (later…) K : ……

pg.5

J : *folds the laundry* K : … Noho~ Hohoho~ J : … What is it, Kakyoin? Is my way of folding really that strange? K : No, sorry. K : The image of the world's greatest Dr. Kujo folding laundry… I've always thought you were kind of cute. J : … I don't get it. K : Don't you think it suits you in a good way? Though it feels weirdly mismatched. K : Didn't you help out when you were a student? At Mrs. Holly's, I mean. (H : here ❤️ Jotaro ❤️ your change of clothes~ ❤️) (J : ……) J : … Well, I was a kid, after all. K : Nohoho! You've matured enough to admit it! Look, just give me a little smile. J : ? Why. K : Come ooon…

pg.6

K : You look even older when you're silent. (oh no~) J : ! J : I don't care about appearances anymore, but I'd hate it if you hated me… Kakyoin. *smiles warmly* K : Aaah~~ I love you, Jotaro~~ ❤️❤️❤️ *nuzzle nuzzle* J : Hey, hey. Easy, Kakyoin, easy. K : Nohoho… You laugh in a way I can't imagine from you when you were really young. J : Is that so? Does that mean the old me is better? K : That's not what I meant… The old days were good, but now I'm satisfied enough. K : …… K : … I don't know if you're satisfied though.

pg.7

(*stares at each other*) K : *sweats* Eh? What is it now… Jota- J : I have no complaints. I'm so satisfied that I'm satisfied. J : … It's just… K : I-It's just…? *badump badump* J : … No, there's nothing to say now. *stands up* I'm going to take a bath. K : J-Jotaro…? K : *grips Jotaro's arm with HG* Jotaro, wait!! Did I do something--

pg.8

(Jotaro tripped over the laundry bucket and falls) K : !! JOTAROOO!! (later…) (Jotaro wakes up) K : Jotaro…! Jotaro!

pg.9

K : Aah, thank goodness! Sorry, I grabbed your arm all of a sudden… It made a lot of noise, but does it hurt?? (HG : i'm sorry---) K : Jotaro? J : …… K : I made it into an ice pillow, but I wonder if you'll catch a cold if I let it get too cold… Are you cold? Are you okay?? K : Ah, I'll bring a regular pillow if you don't mind. Would you like to drink something anyway? Can you get up? K : I never thought you'd hit your head so hard that you would faint… J : … K : It's my bad habit to get Hierophant out right away… K : … Hey, Jotaro… K : Why don't you say anythi-- NGH!? J : *grabs Kakyoin's mouth* So noisy.

pg.10

J : Shut up, you idiot. You're so loud. K : !? J : … Hey, you look a little different, but you're Kakyoin… right? K : *thinking* This tone… No way-- J : I see… That's what it's about. J : I must be around that age, too… Tch… Shit. I can't remember anything. K : Th-Then, what do you remember? J : AH? K : Ah? What… J : … I'm a student now. As long as I remember, you were also wearing a school uniform. K : H-Huh… J : Good grief… Did I just went back to being a student only on the inside? How unlucky. *scratches his neck* K : *thinking* This rude tone and the way he sits… K : *internally* As I thought, he went back to when he was a student! K : *thinking* It's kind of fresh…

pg.11

J : … What is it, Kakyoin? K : *thump! ❤️* Eh? J : Don't stare at me like that. K : A-Aah… Sorry! K : It must be so hard for you to not have any memories, even if it's only partially… J : Keh! J : Says the person who caused the fall. J : *smirks* You'll take full responsibility, so get ready. K : *kyun kyun kyuuun ❤️❤️* Y-Yes… Please be gentle… K : *internally* This might be… Pretty bad…!! (Jotaro, a while ago : *warmly* Kakyoin…) (Jotaro, now : *grumpy* AAH?)

pg.12

J : By the way, the hell's with these tasteless clothes? K : Nohoho…! That's the ones you chose for yourself. *pat pat* J : Is this a hobby of mine? Unbelievable… I wanna change my clothes quickly. K : In that case, I'll take out your school uniform and give it to you. J : Oi… I can find it on my own. K : What are you talking about? K : Even you, the usual one, probably don't know where it is, so it's the same thing. Please wait a moment. J : …… (later…) K : Wow… You can still wear it enough, right? J : …… K : I'm glad I took it out for cleaning. 🎵 J : Isn't the tanktop too clean? Moreover, I can't wear it unless I move the belt hole. I need to train myself properly. K : Fair enough… You're much younger than the average forty year old.

pg.13

K : Besides… Yeah. *puts on Jotaro's coat* K : As I expected, you still look good… In that uniform. K : Aah~ How nostalgic. 🎶 *cuddle cuddle* J : … Oi, Kakyoin. Don't stick around me too much- K : No~pe… You've always been really cool… K : You're quiet, but you're strong and kind. I feel like I'm falling in love all over again now. J : … Tch. *blushes* J : Don't say embarrassing things like that. K : Fufu… Sorry. K : I can't help but want to tease you. Maybe you're shy, Jotaro? Ah, you're younger now, so I guess you'll be Jotaro-kun-- J : *annoyed* I said don't stick around me too much.

pg.14

K : You look so cute when you're embarrassed~ *smile smile ❤️* J : Tch--- J : Don't call a man cute!!! Stop clinging to me like you're a woman!! J : It's so annoying!!! K : *startled* K : … I'm sorry. Looks like I got a little too carried away. K : *internally* It's the first time Jotaro called me annoying… ❤️ *kyun kyuuun ❤️❤️* (i've always wanted to be told that~) K : Sorry, I won't say it again. J : …… *sweats* K : *internally* Moreover, he wanted to apologize for yelling, but he seemed to be having a hard time saying it now~~ (nohohohoho~ ❤️❤️) K : *thinking* Maybe it's not so bad to be treated coldly once in a while. K : Uniform alone is not enough. K : I'll bring some other clothes. 🎵 J : … Oi, Kakyoin. J : What I just said is true. K : *thinking* Eh? K : Do you mean don't call you cute?

pg.15

J : Don't get too attached to me. There are times when I won't let go of things that I would normally let go. J : You don't understand what kind of condition I'm in right now. K : Does that mean that… If I touch you… K : … You'll lose your patience? J : Don't tease me, then. K : *hugs Jotaro* J : Oi, there… Kakyoin. K : It's okay. Your memory will likely come back if we treat each other the same way we usually do.

pg.16

K : So we'll do it like we "always" do, then maybe you'll remember. K : Look… *pulls Jotaro closer* K : Come here more. J : This guy lost his soul. People change as they get older. J : *smirks* He turns bright red just by holding your hand. K : Sorry… I'm not saying it's anyone's fault though. *badump badump* K : *internally* In that face… It's unfair to give me that look… K : *thinking* I wonder how will you kiss me now? *leans in to kiss*

pg.17

K : *internally* How will you… hold* me…? (*as in "dominate/topping") (*boing! ❤️*) K : Whuh? J : … Jeez. J : They say it's a shame for a man not to eat set meals, but I'm younger than him now. *puts his hat on Kakyoin* J : It seems like you would rather be attached to someone younger than him. I don't know which one is more embarrassing… K : !

pg.18

J : … Eh, Kakyoin-san? *grins* K : *thinking* He dodged it-- (hmph…) (HG : too bad…) (usually) (J : anyone who says that is punished. *carries Kakyoin to bed*) (K : nohoho~ help me~ ❤️) J : Well, I'm going to bed now. I have a headache and I'm sleepy. K : Hm… K : What about dinner? J : … Sorry, I don't need it. K : What about the bath? J : … When I wake up, I'll go on my own. K : Then, I'll guide you. J : I don't need that. J : I really don't need that kind of care. I can find the place by myself. K : Ah… K : Okay. Then I'll put the futon on first. J : … First? K : Eh? K : We always sleep together, after all.

pg.19

J : Sleep alone. *yeets Kakyoin out with SP* K : What the hell, Jotaro! Where am I going to sleep-- J : The sofa, I guess. K : My body will hurt! (HG : how mean! *huff puff*) J : Y'know, Kakyoin… J : You're just a little too much for me. J : You and I aren't kids anymore either. K : …! J : Good night.

pg.20

K : Good night… Jotaro. K : *thinking* Too much, huh… It's true that when I was a student, I kept my distance even more. K : *internally* Even though you were the first to jump over that distance… *flashback* K : *blushes* Aah… I just remembered something strange… I've had enough--!

pg.21

K : I take back my words about how it's not so bad to be treated coldly… J : ……… (Jotaro remembering the almost-kiss) J : … Tch! J : What does he mean by "always"? Good grief…

pg.22

(the next morning…) K : Fuah… Good morning, Jotaro. J : Oh… Morning. J : Sorry, is it bad to smoke? K : It's okay, it's your body, do what you like with it. It's been a while since I saw you smoking. K : I'll take your tiger's cub* too. (*Tiger's cub (Tora no ko) is a term that refers to something so precious that you cannot let it go.) J : So you smoke like this too, don't you. K : *puffs* Nah, I don't normally smoke. K : At some point, I learned to imitate you. K : Hey, Jotaro. Until your memory returns… K : I'll be careful not to close the distance between us as much.

pg.23

K : … So, could you please stay by my side without being too cautious? J : … Ok. K : Alright! K : Well then, I'll use it as a starting point to bring back your memories. Would you like to play a game with me? J : A game? Are you still doing things at your old age? K : It's one of my few hobbies. Actually, I've wanted to compete with you ever since we were students! J : Hm. Then, let's bet something. K : Whoa, that idea is nostalgic too. J : Aah? (then both of them play games together)

pg.24

K : Ah! Eh?? Wait, Jotaro, how did you learn that trick!? J : What. By playing seriously, I guess. K : Really? You're not cheating?? J : I'm not… I swear. (later…) J : It's my rise again. K : Hey you… You're really not cheating, are you? You didn't see my cards, right? K : Did you use your Stand?? J : I didn't see them. J : So what should we bet next? How about the loser has to prepare dinner? K : Alright, let's compete again! (later…) K : I guess I'll make it again, after all. You're absolutely cheating. J : No, I'm not. Don't be too suspicious. J : I won the arm wrestling with my pure strength. K : That's true, but come on… K : It's frustrating because I can't always win. Let's try again later.

pg.25

(later…) K : Aah… That was fun! J : Well, you'll get tired if you play games all day long. On top of that, you even drank alcohol. You've became this drunk. K : I'm an adult, so it's okay! J : Let me drink too. K : (nohohoho~) You're still a child on the inside, so it's no good! Just in case. J : Don't act like a grown-up here. J : Games and cards… You were just playing around like a kid, but you never get tired of it. K : Hm… K : My bad, but I had fun. Because… K : Actually, it's something I wanted to see you do when we were students. Cards, games… and all that. K : I don't want to see you skipping class, though. (nohoho~) J : … Kakyoin. K : Hm?

pg.26

J : You've learned to smile like that. It's rare to see that wide mouth moving. J : You look good. K : !! *blushes* K : R-Really? (image of younger Kakyoin pouting) J : You always wore a deadpan Buddha face. You rarely smile or just lift the corners of your mouth… (K : ah, the alcohol-) (J : here.) K : I didn't realize it myself… But if you say so, I guess it's true. J : Fuh! J : It's all thanks to me, so I'll do it too. K : *stares at Jotaro chuckling* J : Jeez… I'm angry at myself for not remembering. K : *leans on Jotaro* … Don't be jealous of yourself, Jotaro.

pg.27

(……) J : I told you not to stick to me… *moves away* K : …… J : …… K : … Are you avoiding me because I'm old? J : Ha? K : You don't like me becoming an old man, do you? K : You remember me who was still in high school, so it's only natural that you're disappointed, even though you're old too. J : Kakyoin, you misunderstand. I-- K : So what do you want to say!?

pg.28

K : *stands up* Speak clearly! Anything is fine! K : Or do you think I'm a sissy who gets easily hurt!? K : Don't underestimate me, Jotaro!! K : ... It's true that I'm different now compared to before. I'm older. K : I want to cook for you, take care of you, sleep with you, cuddle with you, touch you… K : I-It might make me seem weak, and I may not have a visible trace of masculinity… K : But I'm not ashamed of it. I've changed because I was with you… K : … And I couldn't be alone anymore. J : Kakyoin… *grips Kakyoin's wrist* K : … It's partly your fault, after all.

pg.29

K : You reached out first. *flashback* K : I don't have any interest in girls anymore. Even when it comes to sex, I've only ever done it with you. K : As you grow older, you become more and more attractive. *weeps* I wanted us to be more happy, so I did a lot of things. K : The only masculine part I have left is my penis… J : PE--!? What did you just say--? K : What!! K : You've said even more obscene stuff! (like **** and ****!) Don't you remember!? Stupid!! J : Well, I don't remember. K : AARGH--! 💢 (Jotaro pulls Kakyoin down and hugs him) K : ! J : It was… My bad.

pg.30

J : I've been curious about it for a while. J : You look like a housekeeper. You prepare food and bath, and take care of me… J : I felt like a big brat, or even a lord. J : That's what "always" happened. Is it normal now for you to do everything for me? J : When we were students, we walked shoulder to shoulder. J : Is the adult me forcing you, a man, into a role you don't want to play? J : If I had treated you like that, I feel like punching myself. K : Jotaro…

pg.31

K : You've never forced me to do anything. Partly because I was at home a lot… K : Please don't be so angry. J : … But I really don't like being overprotective. K : Yeah… I understand as much. J : … Also, you said something that I shouldn't ignore. J : You… Are you worried because you're getting older? K : W-Well, a little… J : It's because your skin is a little sagging, but those laugh lines can be profitable. *lifts Kakyoin's chin* K : Jo… taro… J : I'm in love with you, Kakyoin-san. J : Ever since I wore my school uniform.

pg.32

(*kiss*) K : …! J : Even the kid me can see… J : That you'll always be beautiful. (*kiss kiss*) J : *lifts Kakyoin's shirt up*

pg.33

K : Ah… W-Wait, Jotaro… (haah) J : What… We don't need a bath. K : That's not it--! K : I'm kinda bothered because now you're the same person as you were when you were young, so it should be the opposite… K : No- Usually it would be me-- Um-- Well--- J : AH? 💢 K : It was always up to me, so it's kinda different-- Uhmm--- K : … What should I do… K : What should I do best… K : Normally, I would have had more time to give you a little something… K : But, because you're like this… K : I feel embarrassed… I still don't know how to hold you… K : What should I do, Jotaro…

pg.34

J : *flicks Kakyoin's nipple ❤️* K : Ngh… J : Kuku… I don't want you to be that scared, Kakyoin. K : Ah… Ah-- J : I'm getting more excited. Hey… Let's go to the futon, shall we? K : … (haah) J : I want to hold you quickly… K : … Jotaro, um… J : ? K : After that, I have… A request… (later, at the bedroom…)

pg.35

(both of them wears their uniforms) J : This is such a bizarre feeling. Is this "normal" for adults too? J : It's like sexual services… Kakyoin-san. K : C'mon… Don't say anything mean, Jotaro… K : I thought you were more used to seeing this… K : I guess it doesn't suit me after all? J : Nah… It suits you. *unbuttons Kakyoin's uniform* J : But you're the one who's most excited, huh. *sucks Kakyoin's nipple through his shirt* K : …! K : Wait-- The shirt--- J : If it bothers you, just turn it over yourself.

pg.36

(Kakyoin's shirt has unbuttoned) J : What a cute color… Do you want me to touch you directly? K : Yes… (haah) K : I want you to touch me… Ah--! J : *bites and licks Kakyoin's nipple* K : Nngh-- ❤️❤️ J : *rubs Kakyoin's dick* Does it feel good…? K : Mmm… It feels good… (haah ❤️) J : Really? It's still half erect… Is it always like this? K : No… That's not… (haah) J : Tch… It's because you drink alcohol.

pg.37

K : No… I'm… fine with this, so… (fuuh) J : *bites Kakyoin's ear* …? J : What do you mean? *his bulge pokes Kakyoin's ass* K : …! K : S-So… It feels good when I ejaculate, but… I'm already used to going inside… K : *internally* Jotaro is… Getting really hard… J : Seriously… You're amazing… *stroke stroke* K : Noho… Because I'm an adult now… K : That's why, Jotaro… *strokes Jotaro's bulge* J : !

pg.38

K : The messy foreplay… I don't mind skipping it. (fuuh ❤️) K : After all, you're a hot-blooded boy right now, aren't you? J : … It's going to be hard for you. K : Thank you, Jotaro… But… *turns around* K : You want to insert it here quickly, right? (haah ❤️) J : …… *caressed by HG* K : I don't need any patience or consideration that I'm not used to. I'm also a man, so I'm surprisingly sturdy.

pg.39

J : You… It's dirty of you to invite me like that, but don't say you don't like it halfway through. *pins Kakyoin down* K : Ngh… ❤️ No way… I won't say that I don't like it… (haah) K : Because you're always so kind to me, I'm okay with being treated badly sometimes… J : *unbuckles his pants, still caressed by HG ❤️* K : No matter how embarrassing my words or actions are, the only one who sees it is you, right? (haah) K : Even if it hurts a little, it's fine if it's from you. (haah) J : … Keep it quiet. You're so eager to take advantage of me, aren't you. *rubs his cock on Kakyoin's ass* K : Ah-- Ah… K : That's not true, Jotaro--

pg.40

K : I'm that kind of man, so sometimes I want to be rolled around in your palm… (haah) J : I see… *inserts his cock* K : Ah-- Hn-- ❤️ J : Then let me do as I like. *pounds Kakyoin's ass ❤️❤️* K : Ngh-- AH! Jota-- KHA--! GHAH-- ❤️❤️❤️

pg.41

(they proceeds to fuck, but Jotaro slowly pulling out for some reason)

pg.42

K : *looks back, panting* No…! I don't want it to be shallow, Jotaro-- K : Please, Jotaro--- (haah haah) J : I said let me do as I like, so shut up. *pulls out* K : Ah- ❤️ Nha-- ❤️ J : Not you shaking your hips while wearing a school uniform. You're such a lewd old man. *tongue kiss* K : S-Sor… ry-- Hngh~~ ❤️❤️ J : Don't apologize. I like you like this. *kiss kiss* K : Ngh… ❤️❤️ Jotaro-- I like… it too… ❤️

pg.43

(they proceeds to fuck again ❤️)

pg.44

J : Hey, Kakyoin… I can cum inside you, right? (haah haah) K : Ah- What is--- (uwah!) J : How many times can I cum? J : Can you show me once? *smirks* K : Eh--? Ah… Th-That face-- Don't… look at me… with that face-- Jotaro---! J : My face~? That's rude. K : That face is no good-- (haah haah ❤️❤️) J : *pang!* …? J : Even if you say my face is no good… Aah, I see. J : Maybe it's because it's different from "usual"… Did I also refer to myself as "me" (watashi)? *pats Kakyoin's head* K : Yes… You're… (haah) K : Very mature… and kind… J : Hmm…

pg.45

J : … Do you miss "me" (watashi) that much? Kakyoin… *nuzzles* K : Eh--? Eh…? Could it be that you've… returned-- *panting* J : Were you lonely because you couldn't meet me? I'm sorry for the inconvenience. J : I was lonely, too… *smooch* K : Hn… ❤️ I'm so glad… Jotaro… J : It's alright now. *smooch smooch*

pg.46

J : *twitches* Nh… Hah… Aah, it feels so good inside you… Kakyoin. J : You… ate me so deep… (haah) K : *kyuuun ❤️* …! ❤️ K : Ah… K : Jotaro… Somehow, I-- can't… (haah haah) K : When I see your face… I want to… cum right away… ❤️ *thump thump ❤️❤️* J : Fuh… You can cum as much as you like.

pg.47

J : I'll pay attention to everything. *pounds Kakyoin's ass again ❤️* K : Ah- AH--! ❤️❤️ Hah-- Fuuh--- ❤️ K : Jo… taro-- J : Kakyoin… *grips Kakyoin's wrist*

pg.48

J : That's… Round one. *grins* K : Ah… No… As I expected… I thought it was strange-- Pretending to be back… J : Thanks to you, I was able to see some good stuff. It must have been quite a show. K : Jeez-- You are… K : Being yourself… So it's only natural… that you can do it-- *slaps Jotaro with HG* J : Ow-- Even though you're going to cum just from that. K : It can't be helped--! 💢 *slap slap* J : Your voice is so loud that you really sounds like a woman. K : *sits up* What's up… With you--

pg.49

K : Haa… *bounce bounce* K : Do you know… Who is making you feel…? K : Looking at me like I'm a girl. K : Even though I'm aroused… J : … The condescending face isn't bad either… How erotic. K : Stupid-- (haah) K : Next, it's your turn to cum-- J : I'm glad that you're willing to straddle me… *grope grope* J : If I can, I don't want to cum just yet… K : Eh…? J : … My head has been hurting really bad for a while now. K : … On the part that was hit? J : Yeah… K : … I see…

pg.50

(*kiss kiss*) K : … Are you still thinking that you don't want to go back yet? J : … I'm thinking of having sex with you two more rounds. K : Nohoho… Your body won't keep up. J : You don't get it, do you… *bites Kakyoin's nipple* K : Oh--!! Hn… ❤️ Don't knead it too much… K : Good boy, good boy… *pet pet* K : You're really cute…

pg.51

K : Ah-- Sorry, I said it again, out of habit… J : That's okay, I don't really care. *pout* K : *thinking* … This face, it looks like it's not good at all… K : *internally* When he looked at me like this, I thought he was angry and I apologized, which made him even more angry… *flashback* K : *thinking* … Now that I think about it, was he sulking…? K : Ngh…? K : Hey, what are you… K : Jotaro…? Hn-- J : *marks Kakyoin's chest* K : Wait, it hurts… J : Shuddup. J : Be quiet and I'll come back, so let me do what I want a little more. K : Hnn… (haah) J : Here, look at me.

pg.52

J : If being cute to me is your habit, then this is mine. J : … Now, you won't forget me for a while. K : … (haah) K : Jotaro… J : Let "me" (watashi) know when I get back, about whether I was a cute or a bad boy. K : D-Don't tell me you're competing with each other? J : …… J : *thinking* Ah, should've stayed silent. K : I'm happy, but… This congestion won't go away anytime soon, because I'm not young anymore… J : What are you saying? I told you it's okay. K : Ng…?

pg.53

K : What do… you mean… K : *thinking* … Huh-- What… Jotaro's… face… is-- J : Unfortunately, right now my body and head are in disarray. J : It's making me look pathetic and ungainly, but… J : My desire for possession hasn't changed. J : Even if it's just for now… J : You're mine. *caresses Kakyoin's body*

pg.54

K : *turns on* Jotaro… ❤️ K : *bounce bounce! ❤️* Fells… so good-- ❤️❤️ J : Mh… Do you like riding me? Kakyoin… K : Haah… Yeah-- ❤️ I like it… I like iiit-- ❤️❤️

pg.55

J : Really… *sits up* J : Which is better, me (ore) or "me" (watashi)? K : D-Don't ask me… that-- Ah-! No-- (don't… rub it--) J : *rubs Kakyoin's dick* Tell me. K : *clings* I love both-- I love both, so… Ah-- Please, let me go-- (haah) J : Hahh… Even though you're an adult, it's luxurious… There, just a little more… Be patient. *pound pound! ❤️❤️*

pg.56

(they've reached their climaxes and FINALLY CAME ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ////////)

pg.57

J : … You-- (haah haah) J : Fuck… I don't wanna go back… *kiss* K : Mmh… Jo-- ta… ro… ❤️❤️❤️ *kiss kiss* J : Kakyoi--… J : *wide-eyed* …!

pg.58

J : … Kakyoin? K : !! K : J-Jotaro…! Did you came back?? Has your memory returned to normal!? J : Yes… It seems like that… I'm sorry. K : … Ah. J : ? K : You… Did you really, reaaally came back to normal…? J : Hm? Why are you so suspicious… J : *sees Kakyoin's body* … Aah… I see.

pg.59

J : It seems like he had a lot of fun while it wasn't me… But I don't think students should be too rowdy. K : Ah--! Th-This-- *covers himself* J : It's fine, don't hide it. J : From what I saw, it didn't look like you were forced to be intangible, and since it was you, he probably handled it well. J : It was a bit too stimulating to see for the first time after I noticed it… But I'm glad you seemed satisfied. K : …… J : …… K : Um… Jotaro… J : Hm? K : The student you told me, that I care too much for you, and you… don't like it when I do that to you. K : Before you fell, you were about to say that you were satisfied, but… It was just that. J : Just that?

pg.60

K : The reason why I care about you so much… In the end, is because of my own self-satisfaction. (image of younger Kakyoin) K : I wonder if what you're really looking for… is the sense of distance we had back then. K : Was what I "always" did… too close to you? J : …… *strips* K : ! K : J-Jotaro…? J : Kakyoin.

pg.61

J : C'mere. K : … ❤️ *nods* (*cuddle cuddle ❤️*) J : Is what I just did strange? K : It's not strange… I'm glad. J : But it's probably not a manly behavior. If I were the old "me" (ore), I wouldn’t do it. K : That's right… But, I like you… the way you… are now…

pg.62

J : Me too. *smooch ❤️* (*flashback*) J : The distance between us back then was certainly nostalgic, but it can't stay the same forever. J : Someday, when our journey ends, I'll be away from you. J : I thought we would grow up in a place where neither of us knew each other. J : … But for some reason, my hand reached out to you. J : Am I making you worry in the first place? Did I force you, a man, to be on the passive side? I was in agony all the time. J : I thought I had done something wrong. J : During that time, you changed into an ordinary man. J : It would be rude if I didn't respond to that resolution. J : We are here now because of your resolve.

pg.63

J : Before answering whether I'm satisfied or dissatisfied with our life, I had to say thank you. J : I'm sorry for making you anxious. *caresses* J : I'm grateful for your "always"… Kakyoin. *embraces* K : *bluuuuush* K : UUUUUHHH~~ Jotarooooooo~~~ ❤️❤️❤️ *hugs tight* J : It's a good change that you're more tearful now. Good grief. K : Uuh… Sorry for being so effeminate… *sob sob* J : What… You don't remember what you said a long time ago? K : Eh…?

pg.64

(*flashback*) J : When we were on the trip, on a whim, "I" (ore) asked you… J : What you would do if the person you fell in love with was of the same gender. K : … It's not that important whether you're a man or a woman. K : I think both masculinity and femininity are subjective, and you can do whatever you want. K : Gender doesn't diminish a person's humanity. K : Since you chose that person, they will also see the "human" that you are, right? J : I was surprised when you told me that, and I thought you were so handsome… J : That I fell in love with you even more.

pg.65

K : *blushes* Did… I said that…? J : Yes, while you were licking that cherry. (that was shocking) J : *strokes Kakyoin's inner thigh* K : Ngh-- J : After that, I was the first to make a move, but… J : Your attitude was also one of the reasons… K : No… That was… not my intention-- (hn ❤️) J : Well… If you say so, that's fine. *bites and licks Kakyoin's nipple* K : Ah-- Hyah-- K : C'mon… Jotaro… ❤️ K : Noho-- It… tickles… ❤️

pg.66

J : I'm overwriting the marks that "I" (ore) left behind. *sucks Kakyoin's nipple* K : O-Ow…! K : If you suck it that hard-- It hurts--- J : Liar. You like it when it hurts a little. K : No- AH… Auuh-- ❤️ J : *rubs Kakyoin's dick ❤️* K : Hnn~~ ❤️❤️ I-I'm sorr-- ❤️ K : Haah… K : Yeah… I like the pain… K : There's nothing I don't like when you do it to me… Jotaro… J : *inserts his cock* … You're really good at rolling me over. *smooch ❤️* K : Hn… ❤️ *strips* J : You're a nice guy, in both personality and body.

pg.67

(they proceeds to fuck yet again ❤️❤️) K : Nh-- J : …! J : … Fuh… J : Kakyoin. K : *sucks Jotaro's finger* Haa… Ng… What…? K : Jotaro…

pg.68

(*flashback*) J : In the past, I used to think… J : About how I would roll you in my palm if I had you, but… J : If your hand feels so comfortable… J : It wouldn't be a bad idea to roll me over yourself. J : Am I holding you or are you holding me? I don't understand… K : … ❤️

pg.69

(later…) (Jotaro sleeps and Kakyoin went to take a shower)

pg.70

K : Uh… It hurts… Maybe I pushed myself too hard… K : *looks in the mirror* …… (*flashback*) J : What would you do if the person you fell in love with was of the same gender? K : *thinking* … If you were asked something like that, wouldn't you have high expectations?

pg.71

K : I can and will say, that gender doesn't matter. K : And I can't let go of the hope that maybe it might be me. (flesh bud scene flashback) K : I'm sure I was the first one… to fall in love with you. K : I threw water at you and saved your hand, but I cowardly let Jotaro tell me what to do… and didn't say it myself. K : … I feel embarrassed every time I think back on it… K : Whether it's before or after, what's the point of escaping… Jeez… K : *thinking* I'm sure you know… that I have that kind of habit.

pg.72

(Jotaro wakes up) K : And you understand that you'll roll in my palm. Isn't that right? Jotaro… K : So in order to be with you… K : Whether I act as a woman or bend over to a man…. It's a trivial matter. (flashback of the two hugging each other, with Kakyoin smiling) K : … Well, no one will listen to the worldly words of an unfaithful man. K : … Except you.

pg.73

(Kakyoin smiles, and turns off the shower) (end.)