#well whatever nothing i can do about it and it evens out bc i dont spend money on literally anything else shoutout recluse lifestyle ! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rearranging-deck-chairs · 11 months ago

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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here

#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness #(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so #lets see how that develops you know #also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it #not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but #im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing #to complain abt it anyway #the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy #maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness #i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character #in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now #like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains #in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think #or maybe you can! but i'll find that out #i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh #always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do #bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really #but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all #remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe #saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post #all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story #whos Other is story #where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story #ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe

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phagodyke · 1 month ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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swagging-back-to · 6 months ago

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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))

#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no #she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early #childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav #the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is #can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my #choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in #highschool #anti college #college is a scam #not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how #im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt #and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.

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risingsunresistance · 6 months ago

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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao

#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy #dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people #ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free #you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao #btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell #i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far #throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG #i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood #a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement #when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore #the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy #i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao #the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw #if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao #it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement #would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever #some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this #idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors #could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that #the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun #but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason #when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been #work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat

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snekdood · 3 days ago

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i feel weird even claiming my family used to be considered "rich" bc a lot of yall immediately jump to having summer homes, 20 yachts, and enough money to save a country

#not gonna act like we weren't well off... ofc we were but like.... we werent on THAT level nearly at all #more of a country club... goes on a lot of vacations.... has a decently sized house with a pool... kinda rich #which is still rich dont get me wrong but i promise i wasnt living like fucking. kim kardashian or whatever ok #we didnt have a fuckin walk-in-fridge or 20 unused empty rooms #i say this bc ppl end up surprised when i tell them im not anymore like 'how' well its a lot of things like the housing market crash #my parents getting a divorce my dad being the one with the job that my moms dad gave to him that was making him all the money #and my grandpa passed not long after i was born so when they split up we were just going off of whatever he left really for a while #had to move etc etc.... now im low income and rely on food stamps and ssi ✌️ but thats mostly bc im disabled so #kinda necessarily low income bc the govt only wants to pay the very bare minimum that they can.#its also- not my money! i dont get to decide what happens to it and i dont get to decide i get nice things or whatever. that all hinges #on if my mom or gma wants to.#so technically even if you wanted to consider them rich still- its not part of me atp bc its not even my money and im an adult #whos not legally dependent on them anymore. i think it only counts if its *your* actual money or if your parent is okay with dishing #out like a 1000 dollars a month like its nothing. completely unfazed by giving it to you.#its not rich if its conditional ok like... children of rich parents arent rich and i will die on this hill. why do you think so many of the #end up fucked up? not only is it bc they've had ppl basically doing everything for them their whole life so they dont know how to take #care of themselves they're also entirely dependent on the parent for money. when you feel controlled like that- even if your parent isnt #necessarily abusive about it- just the fact everything you do hinges on the approval of your parent- kinda fucks you up and makes #you feel like you're stuck being a forever child. not great for people who probably want to go out in the world and date to feel #like you cant escape being dependent on your parents

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girlcockholmes · 5 months ago

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now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off

#exploding and killing even. WHO GIVE A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!#ESPECIALLY since our AC is fucked up rn and my office is the only fucking one thats still hot #hes like oh you can work in [other girls] office shes out this week!!! like omg thank youuuuu thats a perfect setup for me 🥰🙏🏻#working in someone elses office doing work i can do exclusively at home because you think i should be in here even when you and nobody else #is. or you are but its not like we’re even seeing each other. awesome!!! 😁😁😁😁😁❣️#i dont know why hes doing this now. he literally hasnt given a shit before like he said verbatim when i joined the lab a YEAR AGO that he #doesnt need us to be in here all the time if we dont have anything in-person that we have to do. as long as we’re getting our work done.#AND I AM BITCH. SO WHY. THE FUCK. ARE YOU THROWING A LITTLE PISSY FIT ABOUT IT NOW. KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#okay whatever. i really like him and hes a lot better than some other PIs that have their students coming like 8-5 even if they have nothing #to do. like literally to the point where theyre playing cards and watching movies and shit. so it could be worse #but i dont know why he is MAKING it worse. when we literally had a perfectly fine lab dynamic going on. WHATS YOUR DEAL!!!!!#ugh whatever. its probably just bc its summer and hes like why the hell am i in the lab if nobody else is!!!!!#well man sorry to say it but you have kids. so im sure if you need work done you have to come here. but i dont have shit so i CAN work from #home with no problem. okay whatever rant done im not even that upset im just annoyed as fuck and idgaf if he said we should be here usually #9-4 my ass is leaving at 2:30 today to grocery shop and go the fuck home so i can actually get work done KILLS PEOPLE

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toytulini · 5 months ago

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wish my fucking brain worked

#toy txt post #feel like im pretending to function by using everything i have to accomplish Some of my Basic Everyday Chores or whatever #but anything that requires the slightest bit more and its just. i got fucking nothing #i need therapy. guess what. sorting through therapists on that little website takes So Much. figureing out what id need to discuss and #address. is So Much. emailing a therapist or 2 to try to see about seeing them? thats fucking insurmountable. i cant do this.#i cant fucking do this. i cant apply for jobs i dont think i can make it thru an interview rn even if it was something well within my #capacity to actually do which is also feels like Not Much i feel like im fucking Rotting #everything takes So Fucking Much and the only way i can do anything is to not think about anything bc that will get me #crying and spiralling and using precious fucking energy that couldve maybe gone to executive functioning for basic tasks #used up to cry about something which doesnt help feels bad hurts uses an annoying amount of tissues makes it impossible to talk and fucking #exhausts me and for fucking what. for what. i dont feel better. i dont feel like ive let go of or released anything or addressed anything #i think im gonna have to do online therapy cos im gonna be cryin so fucking much and i dont wanna cry into a mask every session

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

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sodrippy · 7 months ago

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bro how much is everyone spending on groceries/month i know im spending waaaaaaaay too much but also if i dont mealkit i will not eat anything so i guess ill just explode myself

#my fault for rounding down when summarising costs #and then being confused when the total in my head and in my credit card statement were WILDLY different 😭#quick google search told me that in 2023 the avg. monthly grocery bill for one person is. SO so much less than what i spend helppppp #well whatever nothing i can do about it and it evens out bc i dont spend money on literally anything else shoutout recluse lifestyle !

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aropride · 2 years ago

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like what the fuck am i supposed to do

#tw transphobia american politics etc #like. in terms of meeeee its all about me all the time. whatever.#like my state currently isnt looking super bad legislation wise & im very lucky & very grateful #but we've seen how fast things can go downhill #and it's like . i dont know what the fuck i'd do if things get bad in my state #like. where would i get t. bc there doesnt seem to be any resources for it online because it is a felony . & ppl will be all 'oh just diy i #' as if resources for diy hrt for trans men Exist or are nearly as easy to find as those for trans women. Which they arent because it is #a FELONY !!!!!!!!!!!! for trans men. But even if i were able to get t and start t whatever #if things got bad after that. idk. ive made my peace with probably never passing in no small part due to nvr pass by she her hers #go stream . but that would make me a very obvious target & there is Nothing i can fucking do abt it bc that is just how my body is #and i dont know. if my state passes anything like mo just did. im fucked man like completely fucked #but im not gonna not transition out of fear. But its like what would i do.#Anyway in terms of not-me. How am i supposed to help people in other states Like theres no real material way i can help other than #sharing information but its like am i even accomplishing anything if i cant provide a way to help as well. but i dont know how to help.#and things just keep getting worse in my country & around the world & i cant help & i cant fix it & i dont know what to do #Anyway. whatever #text

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apathyfairy · 17 hours ago

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someone who is good at reading too much into nothing pls analyze my dream

#i had this weird dream where i was looking for an apartment like always and i went to this one that i guess was a townhouse #but it was a whole house but it was attached like an apartment and had a hallway and everything but i went the first time #to see it and i was like holy shit bc it had 4 bedrooms and it was literally like 4000 square feet and it was 1300 a month #and i was like well yeah of course i want this but the vibe feels so off ? but idk why so i went to some others and whatever but #i was like it's stupid not to take that one when it is literally bigger than a house and so i went to see it again #and i was like the vibe is still so off but it's such a nice place :( so anyway i kept walking around and i was leaving and there were #other people there touring it too and i was like does anyone hear that ? and the realtor was like yeah it's the downstairs neighbors again #theyre always fighting and it was literally 2 people screaming their lungs out at each other but she didnt care she just started stomping #and i was like girl i do not think that's how you solve that but ok. then i was like wow it's like my old haunted apartment irl where #my neighbors would quite literally throw each other into the walls at 3am and then i was like omg that's why the vibe feels off #and then i remembered i had researched the place and found out two little girls died there and i was like ok yeah. i dont want this #so i kept walking to find the exit and then i saw 2 little girls ! climbing up the stairs and like flickering in and out of the light #like movie ghosts and i was like OMG there they are and they were talking to me and i was like How is no one else seeing this but #they were talking to ME directly and i was like pls stop talking to me like i was so scared and what they were saying to me was like #we're yours now like we're staying with YOU and then they walked up the stairs and out the door #and i was like oh great now i have ghosts attached to me and i was sooooo scared i dont even know why and then i went outside #and i was talking to these two people i had met inside the place and i was suspicious so i was like where are you from ?#like what country ? bc i figured no one who was a ghost could answer that for some reason lmaooo and they couldnt answer and i #was like yeah i knew it youre ghosts and they were like yeah we are and so i was like What the fuck is going on then i remembered the girls #and i was like where did they even go #anyway then i went back home to wherever i was living and surprise surprise the ghost girls were there and i was like i literally #cannot do this and i was so scared again and like they were just normal little girls but i was so scared and anyway they were like #you have to help us find out who killed us and then we can leave you like ok how very ghost whisperer but i was like ok i will help you #and then i remembered if i help them then i will get to see one person i know who died. which i guess was just a rule or something.#and then i was like oh yeah my husband died. if i help them then i can see him again #then anyway i had to leave bc work was calling me and then i got in my dead husbands incredibly small car which i couldnt even see out of #it was so small and then i was driving on the pch ? and there was so much traffic and i had to make a u turn and i fell off a cliff. the en #the thing that's so strange about it is how scared i was like irl i was breathing so hard when i woke up and literally had goosebumps like #idk i feel like it was a warning but for what lmao #i did go look at apartments this weekend and i did find one that is fine but it's not haunted at all the vibe was nothing u know

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vaguenotions · 7 months ago

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Oh, yes, I just love your unannounced sleepover where you both come back from the bar after carefully avoiding telling me that's where you were going, and also neglecting to tell me when you'd be home! I definitely do not want to knock you on your ass and take a bat to your dome! That would be rude and unnecessary :)

Oh yes, please do start talking about shit amongst yourselves and make me feel isolated and othered in ny own room! These moments are what I live for, of course. Naturally. Who would ever have any issues with this arrangement at all?

#txt #might delete this later but i also might not because my irritation and rage is real and i shouldnt have to so constantly discard it #i am so tired of constantly putting it aside #i want your blood in my fucking teeth. and it's your fault i want it there- certainly- because I TRY. I try so hard not to feel this way #but eventually you get tired of those little games too #okay I drafted this for a minute bc idk if this fucker is actually spending the night or not i just know he took off his belt. BUT THEN ONE #+ OF THESE FUCKERS DECIDED TO START TALKING ABOUT SPIDERS. A THING THAT I HAVE A VERY BAD PHOBIA ABOUT. I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU #thinking of killing and maiming and maiming and killing and killing and shredding and tearing and killing and-#seriously though what. the fuck. you even go ''oh they're not gonna like this'' THEN HOW ABOUT YOU DONT FUCKING SAY IT #ohh and now you're sitting here making plans for when you go out without me next! I'm going to make you a bloody smear on my fucking floor #i am going to Dissect you. I'm going to rip you apart and feed you to the local strays and csrrion birds.#not even getting up and leaving right fucking now would assuage me. i wish i wasn't so full of fucking hate but you just keep adding fuel +#+to the fire #im so tired. I'll come back with a ''im fine now'' if he fucking leaves but im going to seethe now. im so fucking angry.#how do you fucks continually just bounce between the topics that makes me feel Most Violent Towards You? literally how do you not realize i #+ want you dead at this point? how do you not realize the grave you've dug for yourselves in my mind?#i dont fucking mask it that well. i know i dont. and still you fucking do this #((part of why it being a bar specifically that bothers me besides the very deliberate and careful avoidance of mentioning it to me is that #+*one of you is at serious risk for becoming an alcoholic. why the fuck are you being enabled this way?*))#((if i was dating someone with a genetic predisposition of alcoholism i would make your regular dates nights- idk- NOT THE FUCKING BAR +#+ DISTRICT. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM? DO YOU? This fucking boils my god damn blood.))#(ultimately its their decision if they want to fucking drink yeah sure whatever YOU DONT NEED TO REGULARLY AND READILY ENABLE IT. BASTARD.)#(If they want to drink so fucking bad- if they push for the bars- JUST BUY SOME ALCOHOL AND BRING IT FUCKING HERE. It limits how much they+#+can have for one- and it would isolate me from you two less! just as an added fucking bonus! but no very unreasonable of me. what was i +#+thinking? clearly not about them 🙄)#i might be a little out of line here. i can admit that. but if anyone spent a week in my fucking shoes back when they first got together +#+and then now? you would fucking understand.#and they just. keep. talking. to eachother. no attempts to include me. not even glances my way. like always.#''oh nothing will change'' IT FUCKING CHANGED. I want to hurt you so bsdly for that lie with ever passing day. do you even know it was a li #do you? anyway was abt to post this and noticed a gif i have of a woman ripping her shirt off so im going to stare at that until im calm ig.

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the-cooler-king · 7 months ago

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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl

#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching #I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry #This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying #All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up #If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man #I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole #And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it #That's the end game truly #I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena #But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way #Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time #He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing #So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it #Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang #But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand #how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him #And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life #He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows #I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever #I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end #Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall #Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch

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snekdood · 1 month ago

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ig my problem with the whole bullying thing is that so many of the leftists who do it self identify as communists of some type or really emphasizes community.... but clearly doesn't care about actually cultivating an environment where everyone in the community feels safe and welcome..........

#i kinda dont think you care about community at all and your only issue with america is that *you're* not in charge #i kind of think you're trying to heal your social trauma of being bullied yourself by wanting to gain control of everything and be #the queen bee clique leader this time instead. so YOU can be the one to socially shame and punish people finally #which is just... such a loser ass thing to do lmao. i promise whatever you've gone through doesnt justify inflicting it on others.#i get how you might think it will fix things- sometimes when im really angry and emotional i feel that way too- but be realistic here #you're literally doing nothing but continuing the cycle of abuse. dont you want to be the one who breaks it?#if you care about community so much why dont you know basic conflict resolution skills or how to communicate without making fun #of someone or try to be fair and unbiased or understand that punitive justice is bad or stop fucking bullying people like a fucking child #or how to be democratic or literally ANYTHING that ACTUALLY requires caring about the well being of people that would #also require you to retire being a bully and change for the better #on the note of communication- do you even *know* how to effectively communicate things? and are you sure you do?#bc i assumed i did until i went to therapy and was taught. you have to make the other person feel seen and heard #and i dont mean just *feel* it i mean you do have to actually see and hear them out if you want to come to a compromise or solution #i just really dont think a lot of yall care about community as much as you say and just want a social safety net #which is fine to want just dont then go and pretend you also care so so much about community when you're clearly fine with #dividing it all up

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soobnny · 5 months ago

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dating him | bang chan

❝ have i told you how beautiful you look this morning? ❞

chan as ur bf wow congratulations

it’s giving strangers to lovers if i’m being fr

u just meet on a random tuesday like nothing out of the ordinary

conversation is made and for SOME reason, chan always feels the cogs in his head stop turning when he’s talking to u

like it feels like he’s constantly on the run all the time so how come with u it’s so different

what did u do to him

well wtvr long story short, he FELL

fell hard

now he’s ur bf

ok hear me out

perk #1: unlimited supply of his hoodies

he’d love it too .. when u wear his hoodie

doesn’t even try to act upset or bothered that u’re stealing his clothes

sometimes he’s the one to even put it on ur bed so u can wear it after u shower

or when u’re coming home from the dorm and when u open ur bag .. oh! his hoodie!

“ah, i must’ve misplaced it 😅😅😅”

yeaaaaaaaaah sure

sure u misplace the hoodie in ur very pink bag instead of his black bag

u’re not very slick christopher bang

u don’t mind tho

his hoodies are always xxxxl in size and it smells like him

perk #2: u have ur own man wife

that man knows how to do everything

he can fix ur sink, build u a table, put oil on ur doorknobs so they don’t harden, can clean, like what can’t he do

have u seen hometown cha cha cha? he’s giving very Chief Hong in his skills

(minho does too but we’ll talk about him in his post)

oh, did i mention he can cook too

one of his favorite little mini dates is when u just go thru cookbooks together

and then … cook

i’m sorry this man is a sucker for domestic things like this

and cooking together means u also grocery shop together

a fun challenge he made up is where u pick up random ingredients and try to make something decent out of it

maaaaaan he’s just giving husband

anyways back to cooking

imagine him in the kitchen right

and he’s tasting something new he made

ofc u’re curious too cos wow whatever the hell he’s making smells and looks good

when you try to ask him if you can taste it, he’d KISS you

“how do you like it? 😏😏😏”

😳😳😳😳

he’s getting bold

he does strike me as shy at first in relationships

and then when u’re together for long, u’re like damn this man kinda freaky

perk #3: his dog

berry loves u

like sometimes even more than chan

(it’s bc u give her extra treats when u can)

u walk his dog together early in the morning

it’s kind of become routine

u’d just get out of bed with messy hair and still in ur pajamas while chan is perfectly ready bc he loves waking up early when he can

u don’t even care that u look like a mess

bc chan always reminds u how beautiful u are every morning

so … messy hair and pajamas … putting the leash on berry and walking outside

it’d just be quiet mostly on the walk

there’s no need for conversation with chan sometimes

chan would say he finally knows what peace means after meeting u

his favorite scene ever is coming home and finding u asleep on the couch with berry

he has a million pictures of that on ur phone

like different days, same scene

sets it as his lockscreen even

on nights u can spend together, u enjoy watching cringy christmas movies w him

cue recreating the scenes

except it’s a massive failure bc both of u just can’t stop laughing

u especially love those christmas movies one

“I DONT HAVE A TWIN WE CANT RECREATE THE PRINCESS SWITCH”

u end up just falling asleep together

ofc not without cuddling and intimate kisses

chan finds he sleeps easier bc of u

he used to always find it so difficult to fall asleep before

so how come it’s as easy as closing his eyes now

btw u two most probably have promise rings

and he most probably wears it as a necklace

and he loves hugging u from behind

chan loves being able to nuzzle his cheek on ur back and hold u

he’d probably do that thing where u’re unaware and then BAM a pair of arms around ur waist

his chin on ur shoulder

oh Wow….. wow i just made myself crazy thinking about that

he’d lean in to kiss ur neck or ur chin bc it’s closest access

and he’d just look at whatever the hell u’re doing

chan loves looking at u

does that sound creepy

he just loves observing u ok !!!!!!

esp when u’re doing something u love

his heart goes 💗💞💕💕💝💘💖💞💓💓

bc that’s his baby

he just adores u tbh

u could just be standing there and chan’s looking at u with heart eyes

anyways whatever CONGRATULATIONS

u guys will probably last forever bc he’s whipped and so in love

he’s giving me the More In Love vibe

like when he falls, he FALLS

happy 4 u

note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy

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toytulini · 6 months ago

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thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.

#toy txt post #i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism #whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how #and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection #and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it #and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends #but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of #course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on #offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably #accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put #any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be #the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least #(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about #a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs #i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about #and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for #her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to #explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not #decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional #characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons #sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it 👍 idk. much to explore. much to think about #also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does #so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun #anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing #also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like #probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just #funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. ♡#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr

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