#well this just became a whole essay lmao i'm sorry about that

[gumy-shark]

okayh okay HI you said you wanted to know about the freedom/passion dichotomy thing? ive got the graph and i am going to do my best to explain this to you despite me barely having a grasp of it on myself. THIS IS VERY LONG IM SORRY.

so the first thing you need to know is this just started as a way to split my ocs and help me make character arcs and motivations, and it became a little bit of a habit to categorize my favorite characters this way as well. its is in no means a perfect dichotomy, and im constantly looking for ways to refine it, but for now the best way ive found to illustrate it is this:

basically its which think they represent most... or what they value the most? idk its kind of a case-by-case basis and is dictated by Vibe. like I said THIS IS VERY FLAWED so bare with me pls

when i first started watching lmk i sorted all of the characters i knew into either category. this was within the first four/five days are watching so some of it might be.. off? but i think its still worth something as my first impression of the characters, and it'll probably help illustrate what i mean

Wukong -> Freedom Macaque -> Passion Wukong and Macaque have this thing where one has too much freedom and is learning to temper that with passion (wukong) and the other has too MUCH emotion and is trying everything he can to gain true freedom (macaque) (this is true even when he isn't under LBD's control but is esp prevalent then). they each value the opposite thing they stand for and are trying to be more like the other, without even realizing it. MK -> Freedom Dont get me wrong! He very much has passion! He holds a lot of emotion in that body! but a lot of that passion is the passion for freedom. he just wants to be able to be himself and hang out with his friends, he doesn't do well with all this responsibility :C Mei -> Passion Does this need defending? High sense of duty (mainly towards her ancestors and her friends), and so incredibly passionate. and impulsive. She spits fire when angry! Nothing more to be said honestly. Red Son -> Passion Is a really good parallel to Mei, has too much passion to fit in his body. [In the original notes, I noted that he was 'scared of true freedom, but doesn't know that yet. I'm pretty sure this references his relationship to his parents? Smth smth he's too scared of making them angry so he doesn't explore who he is outside of his relation and loyalty to them?] Pigsy -> Passion this man doesn't need freedom when he as his passion for food. what does he need to be free from? he has everything he wants HEART EMOJI! Tang -> ...Its complicated The thing with tang is that he kind of gets like a character arc with like. Responsibility and his care for his friends? He goes from low passion/high freedom to low freedom/high passion over the course of the show. please note that i am insane about him and if i really wanted i could write a whole essay about him. Sandy -> ??? ONCE AGAIN ITS WEIRD. I WISH THE SHOW FOCUSED MORE ON HIS CHARACTER AND BACKSTORY BC I CANT GET A READ ON HIM.

okay thats the main cast, and HERES THE ALIGNMENT CHART ACCORDING TO THAT. WITH OTHERS AS WELL.

theres not a lot of people without any value of freedom and passion at the same time so the grey area is pretty empty LMAO.

ANYWAYS. I BROUGHT THIS UP TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE OF THE CHARACTERS WITH EYE SCARS TRIFECTA!!! Basically i see them all of how i described macaque earlier. He's trapped in a situation that he doesn't want to be in, whether it be LBD's control or his situation wiht wukong or his own creepy and standoffish persona/his trust issues making it hard to make real connections with others.

(in contrast wukong loves doing his own thing and just Hanging Out and never stopping his own momentum, but he also has trouble caring about... a lot of things actually. he's just soo easygoing! responsibility harshes his vibe!)

But anyways, macaque's problems are very similar to quackity and tempest's, i feel. Quackity constantly feels trapped by physical threats like techno or dream, and also his own circumstances and trauma (a lot of it from schlatt and manburg). a lot of his actions are him trying to reclaim the freedom he used to feel when he was younger. tempest felt she couldn't be truly herself without her horn, but in trying to get it she got herself in a really bad situation where any wrong move could get her killed.

The passion part comes in play in different ways for them all. Quackity tried not to care about people for a while, but still can never stop being extremely loyal and protective of his friends. Tempest had lots of rage inside her and was so intensely driven to get to her goal. And Macaque canNOT stop obsessing over wukong honestly. All three of them are very passionate, and all three of them are constantly trying to gain more freedom.

This is a super long ask, but thank you for inviting me to ramble about this lmao. I think everyone represents freedom or passion in their own way, and this dichotomy really only matters for characters BUT I THINK ITS FUN. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK!!!!!

i had a whole Thing written out and i was so proud of it and then my phone decided to delete it before i could post and not save as draft. but yeah im putting this chart in the microwave and then eating it and then putting it in the fridge so i can keep it overnight and microwave and eat it again. this is so fucking Good. in their attempts for freedom macaque cquack and tempest all disown the people they were when they Were free, bc they want to be unbound entirely, but they Feel too deeply for that to ever be a possibility for them. so they do the next best thing and try to pass those "lessons" they've learned on to others OUGH it makes me sick!!!

[leapingtitan]

The Final Season - Episode 1 Thoughts

I've watched the first episode around 3 times on my own and over a dozen times from anime-only live reactions on YouTube. Those are always something to have a field day with every season, and are part of the whole enjoyment post-watching the episode on your own.

Obviously I'm only reviewing this based on the first episode, so it's way too early to judge The Final Season as a whole. However, I will say that my strategy to keep my expectations low definitely worked. I was very hyped, don't get me wrong, but after Season 3 Part 2, I realized that production and scheduling has never been this show's strong suite and things behind the scenes were always chaotic. And it was my mistake to realize it this late and have unrealistically high expectations of the manga's adaptation.

But enough about that. I'm just gonna say it right now. I absolutely loved this episode and was completely blown away by it. It was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish and boy, the staff wasn't kidding when they said the first episode was like a movie. It definitely felt like that, and it went by in a flash. Now, on to the individual points.

Story/Adaptation

Flawless. Everything was executed perfectly and went beyond my expectations. The thing that stood out to me the most was how many things were changed from the PV in terms of scene construction, camera angles, and overall storyboards. There was only one shot that we reused from the PV, namely the one with Zeke and Reiner inside the airship where they're referred to as the spear and shield. Everything else was redone, which was a huge surprise. Wit was always very faithful to the original manga panels with how they used them as a big reference for most of their cuts, but this one changes them up a lot. Personally, I am 100% fine with it and as someone who has read these chapters in the manga dozens of times over the past few years, seeing them like this was a pleasant and very welcome surprise.

The anime-only additions here are notable and also quite welcome. Falco's line in the beginning in particular stood out the most in the long-run, but the addition of the Eldians' terror being shown as well as the scene before the ED was very welcome. I would like to assume that this was Isayama's doing as whenever the anime usually adds/changes up things, it's his request to do so. He sort of considers the anime to be the "definitive" version of the story that he, for one reason or another, couldn't do in the manga himself when that particular chapter came out. Season 3 Part 1 (The Uprising Arc) is a prime example for this. Once again, I'm very content with what was done here and I trust MAPPA will do the story justice.

A small but very neat thing is the fact that we got to keep the title cards and the info eyecatches mid-episode. Really added to the whole sense of consistency.

Animation

When the initial trailer came out, many people were concerned about Shigeki Asakawa (Director of Photography)'s odd and excessive usage of blur filters on top of the scenes and were wondering if they would remain in the final product, given her track record with other shows like The God of Highschool. Luckily, that is not the case here as the scenes look very clean and the minimal blur on top adds a bit to the muddy/gritty atmosphere of what's going on. Personally, I don't mind it at all and I barely notice it anyway. MAPPA's biggest strength to me is the usage of effects like blood and explosions. You feel the impact of everything and with such an action-packed episode, it made everything so much better.

The usage of 3D CGI for the Titan Shifters has been the biggest controversy surrounding this first episode. When I first watched it, it didn't bother me at all. Personally I care more about a model fitting in the action sequence rather than how it looks for the most part. Right now I would say I'm neutral. It's not the greatest CG ever conceived in anime but it definitely does not look out of place and is pretty decent. For the Jaw Titan, I couldn't tell what was CG and what wasn't for the most part. For the other Titans it's more obvious, but it's not too jarring. Obviously, if it was up to me and the production committee/NHK didn't push their scheduling shenanigans onto MAPPA, I would have gotten every Titan in 2D, but you can't have everything. If they choose to focus on more important scenes later on and cut corners in this first episode as a result, that's understandable. I can live with it. And again, even then, it's not that bad in my eyes.

Now, the character designs are just absolutely stellar. In multiple interviews, it’s been stated that they wanted to stay true to Kyoji Asano’s designs at Wit while also being consistent with Isayama’s style in the manga. And boy did they absolutely nail it. It’s exactly what as they said. Tomohiro Kishi could not have done a better job with the characters we’ve seen so far and I am beyond impressed with his work. I look forward to seeing the rest of the characters in this arc.

Sound

I've been following Kohta Yamamoto's works for a few years now, ever since he started working with Sawano (and being mentored by him to an extent) in early 2017. Although he's been involved with AoT before, particularly with the character songs in Season 2, whenever those two would collaborate on a project it would usually be because Sawano is too busy to compose a full soundtrack. So what usually happens is, Sawano does one track and variations of it (think ShingekiNoKyojin, ThanksAT and T-KT), and nothing else. Meanwhile, Yamamoto handles the rest of the music for the show. On top of that, Yamamoto's style as a composer is different from Sawano's as he comes from a rock/guitarist background as opposed to Sawano, who is a pianist and is classically trained. My biggest concern for The Final Season was that we would get a similar case as with the other shows where Sawano doesn't put in too much effort, while Yamamoto essentially becomes the main composer. Although it looks like this is in fact the case after this first episode, let me explain why I don't think it's a bad thing.

After the premiere of the first episode, both Sawano and Yamamoto tweeted that it was in fact Yamamoto who is handling the majority of the Marley Arc's music. And after this first episode, I have to say I'm impressed. His initial track that he made for the PV was a bit off-putting to me because it sounded like every epic blockbuster Hollywood trailer background track ever, but after the way it was used in this episode alongside a few other tracks, I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. It fits what's going on, and overall delivers a fresh sound to the show that is very appropriate given the massive change in narrative. Back during S3 Part 1, Sawano stated in an interview that he was already burned out and had trouble coming up with new music for AoT given how many tracks he had already composed for it. Given how few new melodies were in S3 Part 2;s music, I think this should be clear. Especially now that we're going into yet another season. To summarize, I think Yamamoto's work here is a result of three conditions that just happened to line up perfectly. The change in narrative, which the new composer style reflects. Sawano being busy. And Sawano being burned out with AoT. Now personally I still believe we're going to get at least one new original Sawano track with variations of it for the big climax moments this arc, and he may compose more music for the 2nd half of this 16-episode season, since that's technically a new arc. But we'll see. As a whole though, I'm satisfied with what I've heard from Kohta Yamamoto in this first episode.

The last point to make in regards to the sound is Masafumi Mima who, apart from Sawano, the voice cast, and some freelancers, is the only one from the previous seasons' staff members to return here. And once again, his work here is absolutely phenomenal. The mixing and usage of sound effects in this episode was stellar and truly felt like I was watching a war movie. It enhanced the action tenfold and I could not want it any better. Music usage is something that goes through the director (Yuichiro Hayashi), but ultimately the sound director is the one who implements the track (instrument layering/stem editing) and does the mixing. The usage of Kohta Yamamoto's music here was very well done, and although the track from the PV repeated quite a bit, it didn't get repetitive at all. Also, the sound director remaining consistent here means we got to keep things like the titan transformation sound effects, which may be a small thing but was very welcome and added to the whole consistency.

Opening/Ending

I'm gonna wait until Shinsei Kamattechan releases the full version of the opening in a single or album to fully judge the song, but boy do I love this opening. Although I'm not sure if the TV-size version is my favorite AoT opening yet, I have to say that it's without a doubt the most fitting OP this show has had until this point. It perfectly showcases the themes of war that this arc focuses on and has this lowkey disturbing eerie vibe with the dissonant chords and mixing of the vocals that feels just as "mysterious" and "tense" as the show itself. I love it so much, honestly. Now, Isayama was a fan of Shinsei Kamattechan prior to them doing the S2 ED, and was the one who got them on-board to do it. Although that song isn't really my thing it's also a perfect fit, which leads me to believe that Isayama himself most likely chose the band again, namely to do this OP. And it's fantastic. I love the song. The visuals also have a very distinct style with all the colors and white backgrounds and I love how it's more metaphorical and symbolic (I guess "abstract" as well?) rather than flat-out just spoiling everything like the last arc's OP did.

The ED by Yuko Ando is fantastic. The first time I listened to the full song on its own I couldn't stop getting chills. Love the production aspects of the song and it's just really nice altogether. The visuals are quite interesting especially towards the end and I also like them a lot. Not much else to say about the ED. It's amazing. Go listen to it.

Conclusion

As a whole, I kept my expectations extremely low prior to the premiere despite my hype. As a result of that, not only were they exceeded, I was absolutely blown away by this first episode in pretty much every way. It may still be too early to judge, but from what has been shown here so far, I am absolutely looking forward to see MAPPA adapt the rest of this amazing story, or about as far as they can get with 16 episodes.

[matthewkniesys]

15 from angsty prompts! With the boy of your choice <3

Juraj it is (for @lam-ila (she requested juraj) and thank you @hischs-hoes for the idea cause I was really struggling lmao)

15. “Don’t look at me like you’re sorry. You’re not sorry.” (this isn't angsty...well not in the way you'd expect)

Your glasses had always been you biggest insecurity. Kids used to tease you for them when you were in elementary school so who could blame you. When you are alone is the only time you ever wear your glasses, like right now. Currently you were sitting in your dorm room working on an essay.

Someone knocks on the door of your dorm and you quickly take off your glasses setting them down on your bedside table and walk to the door. When you open it you see your best friend and the boy you had been hopelessly in love with for the last 3 years, Juraj, standing on the other side.

"Hey?" You say as more of a question than a statment.

"Let's do something" exclaims Juraj.

"I can't I've gotta study."

"No, please just a 1 hour break" you can see the pleading in his eyes "or at least let me come in and help"

You could never say no to those puppy dog eyes "fine you can come help as long as you aren't being a pest, deal?"

"Deal." You shake hands and invite him in. He walk slightly in front of you and when he sees your bed he stops in his tracks.

"What?" You ask, genuinely very confused.

"I've known you for 5 years and you never once told me you wear glasses... I feel betrayed." You can tell by Juraj's tone of voice that he's joking but you feel sick. Tears were threatening to spill down your cheeks. What if he thought your glasses were hideous? What if he made fun of you like everyone else did? You couldn't handle that from Juraj, but in a way you knew you were being stupid because deep down you know he would never.

He walks over to your bed and grabs them. He starts to inspect them. You go over and try to grab them. He holds them above his head. Obviously there is no way you can reach them since Juraj is practically a giraffe.

"Give them back." You whine.

"Tell me why you didn't tell me about them." He shoots back.

"No."

Soon you start chasing each other around the room. You end up falling back on your bed. Juraj still has your glasses.

"Now, will you please tell me why, y/n?"

The tears that had been threatening the whole time all of a sudden begin gushing down your face.

"Hey,hey,hey what's wrong?" Juraj asks extending his hand with the glasses in it to you. You grab your glasses with a shaky hand and shove them on you face because as much as you don't want him to see you in them, you are half blind right now because you weren't wearing contacts and hadn't been the whole time.

"It's just- I just" you're trying your hardest to get the words out but you just cant. Juraj comes and sits on the bed. He grabs your hands and starts rubbing small circles on your back.

"You can talk to me about anything you know. I'm always gonna be here for you." He says quietly.

"When I was younger i always used to get teased about my glasses. Because of that they became a huge insecurity for me. I hate wearing them and I only do when it's just me." You take a deep breath. It felt nice to finally get that off your chest.

"I'm so sorry y/n, I didn't know."

"Don't look at me like you’re sorry. You're it's not sorry" you laugh "but all jokes aside its okay, how could you."

"For the record I think you look really pretty with your glasses. I actually think you look really pretty no matter what" you can feel your cheeks heat up after Juraj says this.

"Really?" You ask.

"Of course"

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[sentfromwolves]

HELLO I AM INTERESTED.

(is any lifetime lived a true failure? how fucked up are these guys)

SCREAMING SOFTLY SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER I WROTE A WHOLE ESSAY AND THEN LOST IT BUT UGHHH YES I am always here to tell people more about my reincarnated celestial gods... some might recognize them from my currently shelved project CARVE THE STARS aka that damned space novel.

It's on the docket to get a whole rewrite because it's my baby mammoth and it's always going to be getting rewrites until I'm happy with it... try number 5, baby! but I think it'll be good either way and I could write them forever tbh... ANYWAYS!!!! Putting this all under a spoiler because it is A LOT

There is actually a whole group of them--Wren, Marek, Juno, Marsden, KB, and Yeongbi--who comprise the latest cycle of reincarnation. To them, a lifetime lived is a failure when they end up fucking the universe up more than they already had when they got into the current iteration.

See, the thing about them is that they are the children of the twin Creator Gods who gave birth to the whole universe and made everything within it at the very start of...well...existence, as we know it. And don't get me wrong here: the Creator gods don't really have any sentient care or understanding of mortal emotion, right and wrong, law and justice. For a few hundred millennia they floated around the void, watching atoms do some funky stuff, lifeforms begin to toddle around on distant planets, early early alien civilizations begin to form.

But then something, something that had been in the pitch black of nonexistence before they'd come along and said "alright, let there be light" or at least, lmao, something in that vein, started eating everything that had come into creation since then. It nibbled on the outer edges. Then it ate stars. Then it started swallowing whole planets and species. That's when these gods decided to create something to combat that--again, not out of any sense of moral justice or protection. Like gardeners, they just wanted to introduce something new to the sprawling ecosystem of the universe to prune out the filth seeping in along the corners, through the roots.

They planted seeds of their magic into mortal bodies--magic that was connected back to them, even when they left the physical plane for another to avoid the dark entity trying to eat everything that had sprouted up where it had once slept. That's how their children, celestial gods, came to be. Three from each progenitor god. Because their whole reason for existence, seeped into their very core, was to "prune the garden" so to speak, effectively fight off the malevolence snuffing out stars and eating asteroid belts, at the start of their existence, their lives were pure and simple and easy.

They were drawn to the work. It was natural instinct for them, and so early on, it was easy. Save a planet, coax a star back to life. But through early cycles of reincarnation, the rest of the galaxy was evolving too. Culture budded, religions formed, and often enough, because of what they did and where they went, they came to be at the center of those faiths. And eventually, that became a problem--despite the natural draw of them to their work, because they were also always half mortal, they stoked their prides, they grew their own ambitions, and they lost sight of their purpose.

All the while, that throbbing darkness they were trimming back over the centuries was learning. After all, it didn't just eat things. Like rot, it could get inside of them, weaken them, devouring from the inside out. So eventually, it got smart enough to get inside of these celestial gods too.

There's a single god of this group that could not be corrupted by this entity--Gaia, the Verdant King, who's current iteration is Yeongbi Seo. There's an insidious nature to the rot--unknown even to the celestial gods, it can seep into the soul, follow them through iterations. Some shake it off, like a body naturally purging a toxin, because they're more stalwart and less likely to be corrupted. Ira, who's current iteration is Juno, has been corrupted before, but became self-aware of it and killed himself to stop it from taking over him in that life cycle and harming the rest of the universe.

At first when this all began too, none of them knew they were being corrupted. They thought mortal folly was at play, and in some iterations, it got so bad that they were on opposite sides of galactic wars, destroying entire planets over each other. For as much as they were revered as deities, they also began to be feared too, and inside of that fear, rebellious planets began to grow in a desire to separate from the religion that put these violent gods at the heart of worship and obedience. When these rebellious planets began to rise up... well, something really bad happened.

In fact, it was so bad that the souls of the knights were damaged. The memories that carried through each life cycle degraded as time went on with the souls in effective purgatory, unable to regenerate into new mortal vessels. A thousand years passed until they finally grew strong enough to try, and by then, they were barely embers of the cauldron fires they once had been.

The thing about the cycles of reincarnation too is that there are parameters to how they work. The first is that generally speaking, all of the new vessels will be of the same species, and physically close to one another (within a star system). The second is that one specific gods new vessel has to awaken before the others can--that's Soheil, who's current iteration is Wren. All of them will feel an incredible intrinsic pull toward each other until that happens. It will literally feel to them like a destined fate to be together, and go against their own innate desire to be apart.

CTS takes place as soon as Wren awakens as Soheil, and realizes that the celestial deity inside of them has been gone for over a thousand years. Not only that, they left the universe in ashes and ruin back then, and now what remains is determined not only to rebel against the celestial gods but to destroy them so that they can never come back.

Not to mention that of all of the celestial gods, the one most prone to the corruption is Soheil. And despite the terrible damage to their soul in those thousand years, the rot is still inside of them like a seed. Eventually, it'll start to grow again.

[wishlaced]

Your Zutara and Todomomo artworks are always so amazing and adorable!! I'm just curious as to what made you ship them??

oof good question!! i actually love answering these so prepare for a long essay. also, thank you very much for the compliment! 💘

for zutara, i think it’s because of the development of their relationship and those tiny moments between them. they once considered each other as enemies but the complete 180 at the end was something that amazed me in general. they understood each other and zuko was even willing to die for her. katara showing her “dark side” to zuko in the southern raiders episode and zuko not even questioning it. katara, whom he also “betrayed” yet forgave him, was the one to give him comfort when he was anxious that his uncle won’t forgive him for what he did. katara, who was so excited of showing off of what she thought of pictures of baby zuko, was so cute that you can see how she became comfortable around him even as a friend. they knew each other’s abilities as well that they were willing to work or partner in both their practices and the battle with azula without a blink. also, the betrayal in book 2?? the angst?? her thumb touching his lips when she was about to heal him in the crystal catacombs ??? thank you very much for the food. i could go on and on about this ship and i think i’m just repeating every single zutara essays out there. 😂 i just appreciate this ship a lot. thank you to dante basco and mae whitman for keeping this ship alive up to this day.

for todomomo, i think it’s because they’re each other’s number one fans without even knowing it. they’re like the smartest people in class but they also have one brain cell at times HAHA. todoroki voting for yaomomo as class president when most of those in class voted for themselves because he was amazed with her abilities and had been lowkey observing her, despite how people think of him as the Cool Guy.  he immediately chose her to be his teammate during the cavalry battle. “I was the one who voted for you! I thought you'd be good at that sort of thing!!” the impact of this line??? yaomomo has been known to look up (and trust todoroki) a lot, so getting that compliment was such a huge relief and happiness for her to get her confidence back. she has also been seen to look out for him (when he didn’t pass the hero licensure exam and his dad was fighting the nomu on tv). (s5/manga spoiler!!) todoroki hyping her up when she was against kendo in training. when she didn’t succeed, he hoped that she wouldn’t feel down. THEY WENT TO A FESTIVAL IN A DRAMA CD AND COMPLIMENTED HER IN HER YUKATA!! they even had a whole episode just for the two of them!! power couple!! also bless kaji yuki for also shipping them aka number 1 yaomomo stan. here’s inoue marina thanking todoroki for voting yaomomo in the character popularity vote. they’re the cutest. i did a lot of crumb research for this ship too tbh, but this post will be so long if i put all of them. it’s too cute idk why people call it bland. 😑 i’m done with all the drama so i just do my own art lmao. i miss this drawing them aaaaa

i guess that’s it?? i’m sorry i think i wrote too much 😅 i love them both. also your username just reminded me to continue drawing that wip i have for a certain manhwa.. coming soon. 😏😏

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

Sending you three characters because I can't just choose one

...Take a guess which three I'm thinking of 😬😶

Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn we might be clones but I'm not a mind reader (yet)

There's about equal chance between Victor and Henry, but probably the former, then definitely your corpse son anddd probably Ernest because who the fuck else would it be when it's me you're asking lmao

So yeah probably going with those three (if it's not them I'm sorry o.o')

First impression

Victor - outside of the basic knowledge of "Frankenstein was the doctor not the monster" (hah! doctor! he wished!) the first time I've ever really seen the character anywhere was the Birth To My Creation and Amen animatics. First thought - "oh no you look like a bastard, you're going to become my favourite character aren't you?"

Creature - wtf Blanchard stop making me have feels over a child murderer

Ernest - *sees a meme saying "where the fuck is Ernest"* I'll do you one better - who the fuck is Ernest

Impression now

Victor - stupid. bastard. idiot. dumbass. coward. has lot of pain. I want to give him a hug

Creature - I will write a 500 word essay about how everyone is responsible for their own actions but upbringing and taught moral code always has to be considered. Sad corpse child. Boy would use someone to brush his hair to feel better

Ernest - *points to my whole fucking blog that might as well be called ernest-appreciation-blog*. The true victim of Frankenstein. Media need to talk about him more. Massive untapped fanfic potential. Think about him for five seconds and realize his life, unlike Victor's, was a goddamn tragedy from start to end (end of the book at least). Son. Became the favourite character instead of Victor. Son. I love he. Son.

Favorite moment

Victor - literally any moment when he talks about Clerval. He loves this man so much it's unbelievable

Creature - the Mont Blanc scene when he took Victor to the little hut he lived in and made a fire to keep Vic warm while he told the story. Pretty sure he'd make tea if he had any. Boy has manners. Also the scene on Walton's ship when the two talk. I can't quite describe why but there is something about that scene. Might make an animatic or a comic one day

Ernest - the "it was about five in the morning" scene aka the only scene when Ernest has any "screentime" lmao. Just. Feels all over. Just the interaction between the two brothers. I prefer the 1831 version here because in 1818 Victor was kind of an asshole

Idea for a story

Victor - uhhhh dunno. Got a ton of short fic ideas. Mostly Victor's childhood/before he leaves to Ingolstadt. Vic and Henry meeting the first time at school. Vic and Henry learning about hot air balloons and dreaming of flying in one. Vic and Henry. I just love the two ok. And in general just Victor learning about all the inventions of the era he lives in. Also events and interactions with other students at Ingolstadt before he decided to create life. Especially considering the way universities were like in 18th century (pretty much just one big party). Vic would be seen as Nerd Supreme for actually wanting to study and not just drinking and pulling pranks with the other students.

Creature - what if Felix and the others arrived only fifteen minutes later?

Ernest - Frankenstein retold from his POV and What Happened After?

Unpopular opinion

Victor - probably that except destroying the Bride he was not really at fault for any of the events and the only way they could have been prevented is if he never made the Creature at all (or if he made him way, way later when he's got his shit together and had the maturity and life experience to pull something like that off and not fuck up like he did). On the other hand we do only ever hear the story from his side (for the most part) so who knows

Creature - probably that he should not be shipped. No matter how mature he behaves, he still has only 6 years of life experience at the end of the book and could very easily be taken advantage of

Ernest - literally anything about him is an unpopular opinion since he's barely ever mentioned anywhere. Dunno

Favorite relationship

Victor - Henry fckin Clerval. Victor himself literally says they were soulmates damnit. I have feels. Also him and Elizabeth chaotic siblings

Creature - :')

I'd have to use an AU here but that'd be major spoilers for when it's released

Ernest - (all of this headcanons of course) the Main Squad when they were younger, then Henry after Victor has left and Henry became Ernest's brother figure and a huge role model, then after Henry has left Ernest tried his best to be the same role model to William, and after his death he became incredibly close with Elizabeth as they helped each other stay sane and get over William's death and the guilt they both felt (Ernest never truly got over it)

There's more but I'd also have to use the AU here

Favorite headcanon

I can't tell what is canon and what is headcanon anymore

Again sorry if it's not the characters you meant

[luvdsc]

hey there bub! i was going thru ur masterlist and i saw in the "about" section that u made eye contact with taemin OMG how did that go AAAAA u got to make eye contact with THE lee taemin? soo lucky :") i bet this happened prob awhile back but how was the superm concert? i'm sure it was amazing n so much fun AAAAA sadly they didn't go here in my city :( but i was able to see NCT dream live during their dream show tour and i tell you WHEW GOSH those boys are so ethereal??? like they look so good in vids and in pics but they're 1000000x better in person??? like pictures don't do their beauty justice?? gosh i could write a full on essay abt this. until now i still cant believe i got to see the dreamies live?? its feels so surreal like a dream, its crazy. i remember the lights dimming and 'dear dream' started playing in the background and i just lost it lol i was shaking and bawling my eyes out n the show hasn't even started yet djkfkjn i first noticed jisung n when i saw him the first thing that popped in my mind was: "he is SO tall and he's soso cute dear lord :")" and the way he dances, a frickin dance king?? he's rlly such a born performer. AND OHMYGOD JENO, the man is rlly WOW, ngl he kinda looks intimidating with his sharp features and smooth dance moves but his eye smiles make my heart mELT. i remember during the encore stage, the show was about to end and the boys were saying goodbye to us, jeno's face was showed on screen, he was tryna eat the confetti LMAO. renjun,, i will never shutup abt this but renjun is confirmed to be a FAIRY!! the prettiest boy :") #RENJUNFAIRYAGENDA he has such sharp yet delicate features and his aura is just so warm n comforting like he just captivates u n lures u in, and when he sings, like u can feel the emotion, hes so talented. all throughout the show, hyuck was just GLOWING (lives up to his name, fullsun uwu) . he's soso pretty n he's my bias so i literally was just in awe when i saw him, i was speechless :') he was rlly entertaining to watch n he was also so attentive to the crowd esp when he saw some ppl that got hurt, he kept telling us to move back a little. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET NANA, jaemin was soo sweet n charming and the way his eyes lit up whenever he looks at the crowd gosh my heart was abt to burst he rlly adores czennies :") jskfvkds hes also super tall lmao hyuck was tryna lift his shirt up tho and of course chenle, ngl but all throughout the concert, my eyes just keep coming back to chenle. out of all the dreamies, he caught my eye the most. like,, THE POWER THIS MAN HOLDS IS CRAZY?? THIS MAN DIDNOT COME TO PLAY!! his stage presence is crazyy ohgod esp during 119 performance, and he looks like a prince in real life. he also played the piano and i remember everyone was just in awe as he played like the whole crowd had heart eyes for him. it was such a fun n amazing experience, the boys were so amazing n talented, they rlly know how to put on such a great show. they work tirelessly n they're so good, like their voices and dance moves, srsly amazing :") ++ it so memorable cus it was my first kpop concert hehe. buying tickets were such a pain in the ass ngl it was so stressful but SO worth it 🥺 i knew jisung was tall but i didnt know he was THAT tall, idk if im just small but they all rlly look so tall JKDFSDJVFF sadly mark wasnt there :( sorry if i made this long, i just got excited and i thought it'd be nice to share my concert experience w/ u as well hehe 😅 i hope you're doing great bub!! <3

- 🐼 anon

omg hi yes, i was lucky enough to score tickets to see superm last year, and i was right up against the main stage railing !!! 🤩 so ten made eye contact and smiled at me, baekhyun also made eye contact and smiled and waved at me (he’s my exo bias and i was like the heart clutching meme when he did that), i yelled “you’re doing great sweetie” when taeyong took a pause during commentary time and he said thank you 🤧, and god taem looked at me for a good 20 seconds smiling at me and i couldn’t handle it and had to blink and look away and he laughed at me 😔 akslhflakshdfla but oh my god, lucas is so goddamn attractive irl it’s insane, and ten is sooo so pretty like i didn’t even pay attention to what they were saying during the commentary time sometimes i was just staring at ten who was in front of me and i was the starry eyed emoji (baek and ten were right in front of me, lucas was next to them), and pictures don’t do taeyong justice at all like that man is absolutely ethereal ✨✨  also!!!!! seeing ten perform his solos, hearing taeyong and mark rap irl and of course BASS GO BOOM BY LUCAS BECAME MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE WHEN ARE THEY RELEASING THAT SONG??? and i was in tears when taemin performed right in front of me like 16 year old me would be shaking in her boots if she knew she would see god taem in the flesh. actually current me was shaking askdjfhalksjdf i cherish all the videos i took so much (i accidentally deleted the entire jopping video except the mark rap part when i was trying to snip it to post to my insta story and cried rip 😭😭)

YOU GOT TO SEE THE DREAMIES IRL OH MY GOD I’M SO JEALOUS 😭😭 I WANNA SEE THEM PERFORM SO BAD!!! i keep rereading your entire experience and i’m living vicariously through you now aklshdflakjsdhfda oh my god, i wanna see jisung and fairy prince renjun perform live so bad 😭 i got to see hyuck perform three times now with 127, and he’s absolutely amazing, i couldn’t stop watching him dance like he’s my number one favorite performer in nct and the way he dances is heavenly and wonderful and his voice is insane 💖 he truly was born to be an idol 🤧💞💞 i want to write a proper response to each of your description of the dreamies but right now i’m just like no thoughts head empty just heart eyes for every single one of those boys 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 aaaa thank you for describing them all, angel, i’ll keep this in mind as i write fics :’) omg and this was your first kpop experience???? you’re so lucky!!!! 💓 also i feel with the buying tickets omg i always have to get up early and keep refreshing on every device to get decent tickets and it’s so stressful askljdfhaksd but it definitely is so worth it in the end! my only regret is opting out of seeing skz last year and going to a party instead rip and omg no need to apologize!!! it’s really fun to hear about your concert experiences, sweetpea!!! 💞 thank you for taking the time to share that with me 💘  i’m doing wonderful and enjoying my weekend, and i hope you’re having a good weekend and doing well also, angel 🐝💛✨

[wonwoonlight]

awww im so glad i made you smile it means a lot to me :> and hey i hope you know that it's totally okay to feel mentally tired. some times it's just bad morning, bad day and it all will be normal but other times you tend to feel down for a looong period of time because of irl shitts i srsly dk what im saying lmao- but like youre still active out there, writing comfort wips and i think that's so great. i truly love it when people write stuff like that to "help" themselves (even if it's in some private google docs) because it's the emotions talking and making you express it in a way youre not directly mentioning your worries and all- if i continue like this i would be writing a whole ass essay about this pls TT (and im sorry if i didnt make sense i tend to write things without thinking yk) BUT YEAH, going back to the topic- omg i always thought you were like an older carat like from 2018 or smth aaaaaa i became a carat in 2020 too !! waiting for october and it would be two years :D and yes it would be great if i get some help with this song lyrics it says /You are watching my dream, I envy you/ and they also mention this 'man' here im wondering if theyre talking about themselves or smn who's with the person they like (?) i actually dont understand anything unlike other songs- TT - 🪐anon

Anon hi😭💙 thank you so much for saying that, it's something that I know alrd but hearing it from other people surely feels different🥲

Please don't be sorry about anything!!! I'm glad youre even comfortable enough to just say anything in my ask🥰

Tbh!! I think regarding that they're talking abt this other "person"; either the person they want to be but fail to, or some other person who's currently with "you"? Also, for the particular part you mentioned, I think it's a little hard to completely understand bc Korean often omits subjects from their sentences so translations can be different bc people see it differently 😭

But personally, I'd say the translation is something along the line of "I really wish you can see my dream" because the title is 좋겠다 (eng ver. I Wish) but people also use that word when they're expressing things they're envious of (which is why you found a translation that said envy).

But well!!! I'm not Korean either, just someone who's learned the langauge long enough plus I believe the song is meant to be vague so we all can find ourselves in it😉

[old-long-john]

(1/8)Oh my good golly gosh darn, Laura!!!! I would drown in your words if I could. That bit from your unfinished fic, I'm in awe. I am completely smitten with your interpretation of Silver. I wish I could articulate a response to your answers besides !!!!! (Also you're a saint for humoring me.) I could listen and talk to you about John Silver all day. You touched on some really good points in previous answers that I didn't acknowledge, so I'd like to address some of them now because wow.

You do such a good job unpacking the minutiae in each scene, but then I feel the need to further explicate your meta because you bring up so many brilliant points. 1.“Funny that Silver’s learnt so much shit from Flint, except that allowing yourself to be blinded to rationality and truths is a ruinous mistake.” God this ties in so well to our discussion of Silver believing his own bullshit. It’s almost as though he learned the wrong lesson from Flint and became more accomplished at lying to himself as the story goes on. Or perhaps those untruths just kept piling up. 

So very true. Honestly, I think so much of it is due to Silver letting himself get too comfortable in the little bubble he’d created for himself. And I feel so awful for him, because it was always going to have to pop in the end. He’s always been so good at reading people and at manipulating situations for his own gain, and he seemed to be incredibly honest with himself (and others) about his own failings and limitations, and those things are fine when nobody depends on you and you don’t depend on anybody else. But as soon as he developed loyalties and relationships, and with them wants and needs that he couldn’t provide for himself alone (love and friendship and respect), it suddenly wasn’t very convenient to be honest with himself about his own shortcomings or the things which the only two members of the John Silver’s People Club would value as more important than him. Because I completely believe he valued(/still values?) them more than anything else in the entire world. It’s such a horrible imbalance to face honestly and accept.

2.“Not much slips by Flint” lmao except a big cache full of gems on his own damn ship. Sorry I just had to bring that up. I feel like that was one of those leaps of faith the show expects us to take, and I just can’t. I still can’t believe Flint didn’t know the cache was on board the Walrus.

Mm, I know what you mean. Though I can make it work in my own head. Flint is such a micro-manager, but he has been far more relaxed this season in general. I mean, he went off on his little Fortress B&B break with Eleanor and trusted Silver to make everything work in his absence, with no plan given. But that’s part of the problem. Even if Silver was wrong about Flint’s investment in their friendship, and in his assertion that it was only a convenience insofar as it helped him to use Silver to have things done his way…Flint kind of still did that, a little bit. Flint loves him, I have no doubt, but he put so much faith in the idea that Silver would see his way as right and fall in line that it made him blind to the daylight that was growing between them. He was still doing it on that damn island when he was talking to Dooley. I can buy that he didn’t know the chest was on board, because he truly hadn’t made room in his head for the possibility that Silver would go against him in that way. So he let his plan fall into place, as his plans always fell into place with Silver by his side, without noticing that Silver wasn’t with him in the way he thought. Poor Flint. Like we said, speaking of masters of blinding oneself to dangerous truths…

3.“I wonder though how much he was motivated by pride in that moment, or anger, or even just vulnerability.” Honestly Laura just let me rEST. You have a Flint-like way of cutting straight to the heart of a scene or action. We (you) covered Silver’s vulnerability (god so vulnerable–remember when he left the hilltop when Flint asked about his past? He sounded SO young and broken as he went gosh. I’m pretty emotional over his emotions.) but I really want to address the others. Because I actually had some thoughts concerning his pride. He always made a point to set himself apart from the men and claim freedom from Flint’s influence (“You will account for me;” “I don’t believe in him”). I think once there was a break in their relationship (once daylight could seep between them) all Billy’s and Hands’s warnings fueled his determination perhaps to disprove them or maybe just to prove to himself that he can still hold his own with Flint and not be moved, even to the point of ignoring logic (John, why :’( ). And I’m thinking these conflicting, complex emotions feed into each other? Like maybe the anger also stems from the vulnerability, the perceived betrayal–is a reaction to being hurt. Anger is an easy emotion, and to someone who is new to emotions like Silver, I imagine it’s simpler to embrace. I mean, remember his face at the end of the episode? He’s so in love (romantic, platonic, whatever I don’t care); he’s in awe of this thing between them. This is his first (at least that we see) important relationship. The feelings are mutual, that’s what he says, and for him to feel like Flint broke his first foray into attachment, of course he’s going to be hurt. 

I suddenly have that scene from Pride and Prejudice playing in the back of my mind and it’s the worst. (”Perhaps these offences might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by my honesty…”, “My pride?”, “…in admitting scruples about our relationship…”, “…from the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realise that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.” *cue sexual tension so thick you could spread it on toast*) Oh, pride. You know, come to think of it, we were told right at the beginning of the episode that pride should not be a thing that ought to come between them at this point, and I imagine that wasn’t accidental. 

I think you’re completely right about the influence of Billy and Hands’s words. However that pride is framed (either being for Silver’s own peace of mind, or to prove the point to them), having that ‘mistake’ seen by them, and commented on constantly, must have had some effect on his impulse to prove he could even the score and show just how very invulnerable he really was to Flint. I think he’s probably almost as angry with them for pointing it out and making it ‘a thing’ as he is with Flint for giving rise to it. I’ve wondered a lot, actually, just how this season would have gone without the corrupting influence of Hands. He really has been an evil little snake, whispering the things that should only ever have been thought by Silver, not said aloud. I suppose that was his purpose really. To give voice to those things that we as the audience needed to hear, but which wouldn’t normally be spoken. He’s almost been as much a narrative device to show Silver’s state of mind as those S3 dreams were for Flint. 

What you say about Silver’s complex emotions feeding into easier ones, like anger, sounds exactly right too. I’ve been kind of viewing Silver as a bit of a teenager in a lot of respects this season, and that fits in with that view. Flint was totally his first foray into attachment, yeah, and Silver does definitely love him in his way - he’s basically experiencing his first break up, and it’s a brutal, world-shattering one. He’s so inexperienced with feelings (seemingly deliberately, as one of those suddenly inconvenient lines of defence - fuck do I empathise with him there), and so like a teenager his reaction to big feelings that he doesn’t know how to quantify or cope with is to boil them down to easier ones, like anger and hurt, and to express them through spite and cruelty and self-pity. He’s a goddamn mess, but I don’t think he’d know how to stop everything from spiralling, even if he wanted to. Flint might though, if he’d only stop raging long enough to listen to him. 

(And don’t even get me started on Luke Arnold and his freakish ability to de-age himself by about 10 years in the blink of an eye. He’s looked and sounded so young several times this season, and every single time it’s broken me. I could write a whole essay just on that.)

One final thought I had regarding the narrative of Flint and Silver’s relationship is that though they frame it as the war vs Madi, as soon as Flint took the cache, the conflict became him vs Madi. And the fandom had some compelling arguments that the writers weren’t going to be that predictable, but they really were and. That’s probably the most disappointing. Like I didn’t find the episode disappointing but this season as a whole, while not bad, has not been up to parr. Anyway sorry for the incoherent jumble. But I truly love how you process Silver. 

I’ve had this thought too. All of last week I was worrying that there would be no rug-pull and that their division really would be as simple as it seemed, and I was ready to be so disappointed by that…but then episode 9 was so damn good that I kind of forgot to be annoyed. And I still can’t quite find it in me to pick holes yet. I don’t know how it will all stand up to rewatches, but I agree with you, I think. In comparison to most tv, S4 has still been something special (in my eyes), but there have definitely been things that seemed a little rushed or contrived. I suppose the writers felt that they didn’t have enough story left for two more seasons, but what they had was still too much for just one. Perhaps a final season of 12 or 15 episodes would have worked a little better, and given all the storylines and relationships a little more space to breathe. As it stands though, the thing I’ve always loved most about this show is the characters, and I think for the most part they’ve been as well written and thoughtfully developed this season as in the past three, so I’m willing to overlook a few more bumps in the storytelling than normal. And I’m just so glad that the pieces have finally fallen into place for everyone else to ‘see’ Silver again too, because it’s started to feel a little lonely in the John Silver Defence Squad lately. 

This got ENORMOUS. But I’ve had fun answering it! I am not ready to let these pirates go. :( I think they’re going to live in my head for a very, very long time. (I’m at least 40% John Silver at this point. Maybe more.) Someone carve ‘Know no shame’ on my tombstone, please.