#well not that he had to learn to be his own person per se. more that he needed to learn that he had value just bc of who HE is not bc of his

[westwiiind]

i feel like ppl who don’t like the hidden world because all the dragons left have never experienced grief ever

[kaidasdesires]

"Still Monster."

☾ grouping: dom! vampire/incubus jay x switch! vampire jungwon x sub! human afab reader

☾ rating: 18+ explicit and mature content, smut and angst

☾ wc: 6.8k

☾ content warnings: vampires, jay is also an incubus, aphrodisiacs, tentacles ♡, lots of cum, seriously like so much cum, breeding, voyeurism, mutual masturbation kinda, technically has anal / anal play, orgasm control, slight degradation, very minor a/b/o themes

☾ summary: Jay catches Jungwon getting off in the middle of the night. He cant wait to get his hands on him and on you but he's got a special way of getting you both involved. Jungwon's angry and doesn't understand why you seem to be attracted to Jay all of a sudden. You just want someone to touch you already.

☾ author note: This story is fiction and does not reflect the personalities or desires of those it is written about. This story has some scenes that may be uncomfortable for some readers, read at your own discretion.

Today was just like any other time that you stopped by your boyfriend Jungwon’s dorm on a weekend. Except this time some of the boys returned home to see their parents over the long weekend. You had stopped in to find yourself alone with just Jungwon and Jay. You were comfortable with all of his bandmates but your boyfriend tended to be a little shy around them when it comes to PDA. You decided it would be good to just watch some TV with them both until Jay decided to go to bed and then you and Jungwon could be alone. Jungwon was always more comfortable and cute when the two of you were by yourselves. 

When you think back to the times that you've spent with Jungwon and his bandmates, you recall the few times that the boys had gotten just a little too drunk and you had learned that they were all monsters. Not bad monsters per se, but they weren't human. 

Your sweet boyfriend was a vampire. He had been turned not very long ago so he still runs into many more hardships than the others. Sometimes he can't control himself well and the boys have to send you home for your safety. Jungwon would never hurt you, but they never wanted to take any chances when he hadn’t recently had an opportunity to feed. 

Jay, the boy sitting on the lounge chair on the other side of the room, was also a vampire. However, he had been a vampire for a long time and had learned how to control himself and his powers so much so that it was originally impossible for you to guess what he was. 

You hadn't figured out what all of the members were yet, though you had some ideas. Some of them thought it was a fun game to see how long it would take for you to figure it out. You only knew that you couldn’t come to the house on full moons and that you should regularly bring snacks or presents otherwise your things might start to disappear. 

Jay had been worked up for days. Any time he was anywhere even relatively close to Jungwon he could feel his face flush red with arousal and embarrassment. He couldn't stop his eyes from wandering down the younger boy's slim figure. Especially if Jungwon was walking around shirtless. Jay couldn’t help wanting to run his fingers down the boy's abs and vlines. He couldn’t stop his eyes from getting stuck on the tent that Jungwon’s cock created in his sweatpants. 

He shook his head trying to stop himself from having these lewd thoughts of his bandmate, yet he still couldn't stop his imagination from wandering about what the younger member had looked like when Jay had heard him whining. 

He couldn't stop replaying that night over and over in his head. It consumed him, it was almost like he was addicted to the memory.

That night all the members were gone except for Jungwon and himself. He was in bed trying to sleep when the other came into their shared room for the night. Jungwon had called his name quietly, trying to see if the older boy was awake. For some reason, Jay decided not to answer fearing Jungwon would just pester him to take him somewhere for snacks or beg him for “just one round of a video game” with him. If that had happened Jay knew he wouldn’t be able to say no to the younger boy's sparkling eyes and pouty lips. Jungwon had gotten settled into his bed and played on his phone for a while. Jay had finally started to drift off to sleep until he heard a soft whimper from Jungwon’s side of the room. Concerned at first, Jay’s eyes shot open, but as he listened for a moment he realized that his first impression was a mistake. He could hear the younger boy's quiet moans and the gentle movement of his body against the bed. Jay’s senses automatically heightened in the dark so he could hear every whine, every gasp, every time the younger boy would whisper “Hyung.” into the pillow. 

“Hyung.” 

Jay’s cock twitched and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck.” he mumbled. Quickly falling silent to make sure the younger hadn't heard him curse. He sat and listened but it wasn’t long before Jay couldn't control himself anymore. The older boy's cock was pulsing in his pants painfully. He couldn't stop himself when he started rutting his cock against the bed. He rutted slowly at first just trying to ease some of the pressure. Unfortunately for him, the pressure only got worse as he got more aroused and he suddenly found himself fucking into his hand. He couldn't help imagining the younger boy underneath him, his hand vaguely mimicking the feeling of what he imagined Jungwon’s hole would feel like wrapped around his cock. He couldn't believe he was getting off to his bandmate like this, but fuck it felt so good. He wanted to cum, he wished he could cum inside Jungwon instead though. He chased his orgasm, rutting slowly but harshly and squeezing his hand firmly, still trying hard to be quiet so the younger wouldn't hear him. 

“h-hyung I- I'm going to cum.” 

Jay’s hips stuttered. Jungwon was getting off to one of his hyungs? Jungwon was into guys? So many thoughts flew through Jay’s mind before they were interrupted by another moan. 

“Jay Hyung…” 

Jay’s eyes shot open in disbelief and shock. He covered his mouth with his other hand, he didn't want Jungwon to hear the way he was panting now.

“Hyung please… please don't stop.” 

That was all Jay needed. He thrust into his hand roughly and shook as he rode out one of the strongest orgasms of his life. He pressed his face into his pillow to keep his noises silenced. Listening to the sound of Jungwon cumming only made his orgasm stronger, the aftershocks shaking him to the core. Jay felt his cheeks burning when he realized what he had just done, the feeling of his release dripping down his leg. 

He listened as he heard Jungwon cleaning himself up. His roommate must have kept wipes inside his bedside table or something. Then Jungwon quietly got up to go to the bathroom and when he came back it wasn't long before Jay could hear the snores of the younger boy. 

Jay followed these actions similarly, except he couldn't wipe himself off, so instead he did a walk of shame in his stained pants to the bathroom. In this moment he was thankful that it was just him and Jungwon at the dorms. If anyone caught him like this it would cause a conversation he wasn’t ready to have yet. 

After that day, Jay had a hard time controlling his powers around Jungwon. While Jay did have heightened senses like every other vampire, Jay was different. He was a mixed breed. Half-vampire, half-incubus. He was bitten at a young age and had learned to manage both parts of his breed. His specialty was that he could make anyone feel the sensation of tingling anywhere on their body just by being in the same space as them. He could control the sensation even without seeing the person. His bites were like an aphrodisiac, which was common among vampires, but being half incubus made his bites so much stronger than normal. He could also knock people unconscious with his bite, rendering them immobile for a short time.

But there was one thing that made him the most different. The thing he had been nervous to share with his bandmates, and a conversation he wasn't sure he was ready to have yet. He was afraid that his friends would make fun of him or think he's weird. Jay had tentacles. They were black and smooth, all of them varying in size. He could control them, but they also had a mind of their own, hungry for sex twenty-four-seven. Jay would occasionally have what you could call a rutt or heat, suddenly getting an overwhelming desire to fuck and breed someone. Usually, he would simply just find someone at a club to take care of his needs and then leave them unconscious in a hotel with a fuzzy memory. He didn’t like doing that, it made him feel a little gross, but at least that always seemed to do the trick for him. 

So here he was. Sitting in the same room as you and Jungwon, two lovebirds who wanted nothing more than for him to leave and give them alone time. The pheromones dripping from you and your boyfriend caused Jay to be on edge. His cock gets aroused at every new wave of smell. He bites his lip as you adjust your body, your legs parting under the bottoms you wore. He could smell your arousal too.  

Truthfully, you couldn't help but be aroused, not only was Jungwon wearing grey sweatpants and a tight-fitted shirt allowing for his slim figure to be on display but when you arrived at the dorms Jay had just gotten out of the shower. Towel loose around his waist, skin glistening, abs on display, and hair wet. You couldn't help but blush at the sight when you almost ran into him. Jay was so undeniably pretty—perks of being an incubus of course. 

Jay had had enough of this. He decided he wanted to have some fun. The pheromones of lust and arousal were overwhelming. He wanted nothing more than to fuck you and your boyfriend senseless, and he knew just how to do it. 

You smiled at Jungwon as he wrapped his arm around you on the couch. Your boyfriend was so warm and he always smelt so good. You snuggled into his side as you watched a movie with him and his roommate. Jay sat across the room, occasionally glancing at the two of you. You noticed this small detail but didn’t think much of it. 

You were focused on the movie, comfortable and warm by Jungwon’s side. That was until you started to feel this strong tingling sensation traveling slowly from your fingers up your arms and around your shoulders and then down onto your chest. The sensation traveled around your chest until it was fully focused on your nipples. Your face turned pink. What the hell was going on? Why were your nipples so hard and sensitive all of a sudden? It felt like someone was running their fingers across your nipples over and over and occasionally pinching them. You wiped your hands down your chest causally, trying to not draw attention to yourself but also trying to stop whatever this sensation was. However, the feeling still didn’t go away.

Jungwon peeked down at you when you moved and was aroused at the sight of your hard nipples poking out of your shirt. He quickly looked away, trying to keep himself from causing a problem in his sweatpants. You cursed yourself for not wearing a bra today. Although, you honestly never really did because you knew these boys in the house wouldn’t mind, and of course Jungwon wouldn’t deny the view. 

The feeling slowly rose until it was around your neck causing your breath to hitch. It felt like someone was choking you, but not enough to hurt you. It felt as though someone was teasing you. Tightness around your neck just enough to make you breathless but not enough to make you whine. Once again you, albeit hopelessly, adjusted your jewelry in the hopes of getting the feeling to subside. 

Then the feeling traveled down to your thighs nice and slowly leaving a trail of heat as it went. 

Jungwon could feel your body warming up. He watched you curiously out of the corner of his eye not sure what's gotten you all worked up.

When the tingling was tracing your heat you couldn't help but begin to squirm a bit. The feeling was running along the outside of your panties and then over your clit. Teasing at your entrances one at a time and then back up to your clit. Despite how tightly you closed your legs the feeling just wouldn’t stop. 

Your face was red as you moved around next to Jungwon, trying to get more comfortable. 

Jungwon, despite being a younger vampire, had many powers of his own, most of them common for vampires. His senses were heightened, especially in the dark. His bite had a strong aphrodisiac ability as well, and he knew this because of an incident involving another band member. Jungwon is also particularly good at noticing changes in pheromones, smells, and small temperature changes. And right now, he was almost drowning in the smell of your arousal. But, it wasn't just you. He could smell it coming off of Jay too. 

Jungwon didn't know what Jay’s powers were. All he knew right now was that here you were next to him, pouring out pheromones while Jay was smirking and radiating heat like crazy. 

It makes him jealous. Jungwon knows Jay is up to something. Especially when the older one looks over and Jungwon catches the golden glint in his eyes. Jungwon looked away when their eyes met, his jaw clenching on its own accord.  

Jungwon was pissed, he didn’t understand why his bandmate was messing with you like this and why you were so responsive? Was there something going on between you two? 

Suddenly, Jungwon stood up and grabbed your arm. “Come with me,” he said quietly but sternly. Then your boyfriend was pulling you harshly towards the bathroom. He pulls you through the threshold of the door and closes it before he lets you go. The red in his eyes frightened you but you knew that he wouldn't hurt you. Well, Jungwon had never let you be around him when he was hungry and unable to feed, but you're sure that that's not what this is. You had never been bitten by him before, or at all for that matter. The red in his eyes you had seen before, but this color… was a little different than normal. You could tell he was upset. 

Jungwon however, can't control himself too well considering the overwhelming smell of arousal. His cock was already straining against his boxers. 

Before you even had a chance to ask him if he was okay you were being pushed up against the wall Jungwon’s hand grasped your chin tightly before tilting your head to the side. His breath was heavy, he was almost panting against your neck. 

“Won?! What are you doing?” You squeaked out, his tongue already gliding across your neck. The sudden sexual act catches you off guard and sends a chill through your body. 

“Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you, baby. But God damn, if you want to fuck him so bad, then maybe you should!” he hissed. You were speechless. You didn't realize that he was able to tell how aroused you were but, how did that have anything to do with Jay? Your thoughts were racing but then the sudden realization of Jungwon’s words hit you. You only had enough time to grab onto the sides of his shirt and close your eyes before his teeth sunk into the soft flesh of your neck. 

He bit you.

It hurts at first. It hurts to the point that you whine and attempt to push Jungwon away trying to get him to stop, but he’s too strong. Especially when he's angry like this. He only tightens his grip on your chin as you feel the pain shooting through your body. 

The pain is followed quickly by a coldness that sends a chill through your body. It feels like your blood is icing over. The chill frightens you, worried he’s going to drink too much. That you’ll pass out. That he won't be able to stop. “J-jungwon.” you stammered.

But then there was no more pain and the coldness fades, and then… heat. Jay’s tingles are no longer touching you but this heat that is starting to radiate throughout your body is almost worse. Your skin is on fire. Slowly burning from your neck to the tips of your fingers and around your body until your whole body is on fire. The heat pulses through you. Almost in what seems like an instant, you want nothing more than to start rutting against Jungwon. 

The heat reaches your pussy and you whine, again you tried to pull away from Jungwon. It feels as though someone has placed a vibrator on your clit, in your pussy, and in your ass all at the same time. Strong enough to keep you on edge but not enough to make you cum. The feeling slowly built you couldn't stop your legs from shaking underneath you and you bit your lip to keep yourself from moaning. Then Jungwon releases you, turns around, and walks out the door. 

You stand there confused. You’re not sure what’s going on and still not sure what any of this had to do with Jay. All you know is that you had somehow upset Jungwon, and now you were ragingly horny because of his bite. You needed to get rid of this feeling before things get out of hand. Why did Jungwon biting you turn you on so much? Why did he just leave you in here all alone like this? You stood there for a minute trying to gather yourself, the vibrations and arousal so overwhelming that you needed to just stand for a minute to adjust, maybe throw some water on your face. 

When Jungwon goes back out to the living room, Jay sits beside him, and the older boy looks concerned. “Is everything okay Won? Are you feeling alright?” He asked. 

Jungwon rolls his eyes at him and doesn’t answer, the ground becomes much more interesting than everything else. 

That’s when Jungwon feels it. The tingling down his spine and up his thighs. The feeling caused his cock to start to throb in his pants. 

The younger boy shifts in his seat starting to break a sweat. Did his bite backfire? How could that happen? Jungwon’s heart starts to race now too, confusion lacing his brows. 

The tingling feeling reaches his cock and travels up to the tip causing Jungwon to let out a small squeak. Shifting again he tries to adjust himself, leaning over briefly. Jungwon is partially aware of the fact that Jay is still sitting there waiting for an answer. 

Now the feeling is traveling slowly up and down his cock mimicking the feeling of his hand when he's alone. Then a second feeling reaches to a place he’s never really explored before. His face is red and he squeezes his eyes shut, his hands gripping tightly on his sweatpants.

Jay can only smirk at the scene in front of him. Watching his work on his bandmate with satisfaction. Jungwon was cute so flustered like this.  

“Wonie? What’s wrong?” He asks, playing dumb to the situation he very well knows that he is causing.

“Hyung I just.. I don’t..” Jungwon can’t even get a sentence out. Jay thinks it's pathetic, but he likes it this way. Jungwon’s cock is growing harder by the second and he tries to cover the tent in his sweatpants. He’s embarrassed and ashamed by how hard he is with Jay sitting right next to him watching him. 

Suddenly, he remembers everything that had just happened when the smell hits him again. The whole reason he had gotten up in the first place. His head shoots up just to meet Jay’s golden eyes and pretty fangs only visible because of the stupid smirk plastered across his face. 

“H-hyung?” Jungwon stutters looking at Jay with wide eyes. 

The tingling feeling abruptly goes away as Jay gets up and walks away into the kitchen. Jungwon's cock, however, is harder than ever. 

Jungwon notices you coming back into the living room. Your face is flushed and you're barely able to keep yourself up.

“I need to get some water.” You say quietly when you catch Jungwon’s gaze. The heat between your legs and the friction of your shirt against your nipples causes you to get wetter and wetter with every step. 

 As Jungwon watches you turn into the kitchen he finally realizes what’s going on. Jay is doing all of this. He’s the one working you both up. 

Jungwon has never done anything sexual with Jay. Sure they had kissed once or twice and sure there were stolen glances but nothing other than that. Why was Jay doing this? What was his goal? 

Jungwon's cock throbs again at the idea of Jay purposefully turning you on. The idea of Jay’s teeth pressing into your neck. The idea of Jay’s teeth pressing into his- wait. Jungwon shook his head trying to shake the thought away. He shouldn’t be thinking of his hyung like that. 

A vampire can’t drink from another vampire to feed. But.. would his powers work on Jay? Does the older boy have more powers? Could Jay make him feel the way Jungwon made you feel? 

Jungwon shuddered at that thought. Why was he thinking like this? 

He gets up and walks toward the kitchen but comes to an abrupt stop when he finds Jay with his body pushing yours against the wall. Jungwon froze, eyes wide and unsure how to process the visual in front of him. Jay’s mouth is on your neck, but he wasn't biting you, only kissing your collarbones gently. However, that sight was enough to cause Jungwon to let out a tiny whine. 

You on the other hand. Didn’t want Jay to stop. You wanted his body closer to yours. You wanted his mouth on your neck, on your chest, everywhere and anywhere. You wanted him so bad and you couldn’t control it. Your knees were buckling underneath you as desperate whines and gasps fell from your mouth. He continued to kiss and lick your neck, and you could feel the shit-eating smirk on his face the entire time. 

You weren't prepared when Jay’s teeth sunk into you. But unlike the pain that Jungwon’s bite gave you, you felt nothing but pleasure this time. So much so that you felt so fuzzy and hot and there were stars in your vision. You grabbed onto Jay’s arms to try to keep yourself upright, and he pulled you in tighter supporting your weight. After another moment your ears started ringing and your vision faded to black. Then heard nothing but the sound of your heart and you felt yourself falling. 

Jay turned to face Jungwon, his eyes completely changed from his regular brown color. Jay licked the blood from his lips as he stared at the younger boy. Jungwon immediately got chills, he had never seen any of his bandmates completely “unmasked” like this. 

Jay was now carrying you. He carried you past Jungwon saying nothing to him as he took you into their shared bedroom. He laid you down gently on his bed before turning back to Jungwon who had followed quietly. Jungwon was taken aback by the scene and a little nervous. He wasn’t sure if Jay was angry. Honestly, he wasn't sure what was going on at all. He had no idea that Jay was this capable with so many abilities. 

“Hyung…” Jungwon said again, “What… why are you doing this?” 

Jay chuckled, walked up to Jungwon, and turned the younger boy’s head up to look at him. Jungwon looked him in the eyes and nearly collapsed when he felt Jay's hand press against his cock.

“I just wanted to play with these two pretty little toys and I’m honestly I’m tired of watching you two flirt and you not getting laid already.” Jay shrugged. “Plus, I wanted to show you how you made me feel the night you came saying my name while you thought I was asleep.” 

Jungwon's face was red and burning with embarrassment but he was so hard and it took everything in him to not rut against his hyung’s palm. “You heard me?” he said quietly, not sure if he wanted the answer. 

“Every. Single. Word.” Jay whispered back, purposefully annunciating his words into his roommate's ear. 

Jay grabbed Jungwon and pushed him onto his bed. The same bed where Jungwon moaned his name and begged him to cum. Jay was on top of him before he could process what was happening. His wrists were pinned above his head with the weight of Jay’s body. He pushed against Jay but Jungwon was much weaker than him.

Because of his arousal, Jungwon accidentally bucked up against his bandmate while he was trying to push him off. At that moment, Jungwon felt how hard Jay was too. Jay’s cock was rock hard, and his cock pressing against his Hyung’s cock created an intense desire to continue to hump against him. 

Jay leaned down, his breath tickling Jungwon’s ear. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Do you want me to make you feel the same way you made y/n feel? Do you want me to turn you into nothing but a fuck toy? A useless fleshlight where you won't be able to cum without my permission and I can use you as long as I want to?” 

Jungwon could only stutter, the older boy's words causing his head to spin. Everything was happening so fast. Jay licked Jungwon’s neck eliciting a moan that he had only had the pleasure of hearing once before when Jungwon thought he was asleep. 

All Jungwon could think about was how hard he was, how badly he wanted to fuck you senseless, and how badly he wanted Jay to fuck him too. Anything to relieve this pressure. He was so hot and so horny he didn’t know what else to say other than a pathetic “please hyung” in response. 

Jay smirked against Jungwon’s skin, “Good boy Wonnie. This will only hurt for a second. You trust me, right baby boy?” 

Jungwon nodded before he even realized what he was agreeing to. When he understood what the older boy meant, it was already too late. Jay’s teeth had already started to sink into Jungwon’s skin. 

The pain was excruciating. It was worse than anything Jungwon had ever felt. Jungwon let out a cry in pain as he gripped Jay’s arms his nails digging into the skin. Jay let go of one of the younger boys' wrists to gently stroke his cheek. It was reassuring to Jungwon as he knew that Jay didn't mean to hurt him. 

It was his cry that awoke you from your bite-induced slumber. You looked over in your half-dazed state to find your boyfriend and his bandmate on top of each other on the other bed. You whined at the erotic sight but you couldn’t move. Jay’s bite had rendered you temporarily immobile. But it had only made the heat in your body 100 times worse if that was even possible.

Jungwon felt tears picking at the corner of his eyes as Jay’s teeth tore his skin. Jungwon never thought getting bitten as a vampire by another vampire would hurt this bad. He just wanted it to stop, he was starting to panic from the pain. 

Jungwon was quickly distracted from the pain when he could feel his sweatpants being removed. But how? Jay still had one hand on his wrist and the other running through his hair. 

His sweatpants hit the floor. That's when he felt them. Heavy, and damp, dragging lightly across his skin before reaching around the hem of his underwear and beginning to pull.

Jungwon started to panic again, this was all becoming so overwhelming. His flight or fight caused him to push against Jay again to no avail. What the hell was touching him? What was going on? But he couldn’t move. At this point, Jay’s bite had started to affect him. The cold damp lengths dragging along the skin on his legs felt hot and his cock felt as though it was getting harder with every second to the point where it was almost hurting. 

He felt a tightness starting to coil up in his abdomen that made him feel desperate. He couldn't help it when he started to rut against Jay, losing all of his self-consciousness and just chasing release.

Jay smirked again before pulling off of Jungwon's neck. Jungwon was dizzy, everything was hot and the walls were spinning. “Take your time, you’ll get your share when you can get up,” he said.

Then Jay was gone. 

The older vampire had made his way back to you. “Look at you pretty girl, so worked up and desperate for me.” He cooed at you for looking so needy on Jungwon’s bed.  

Jay was shirtless now, his body glimmering because of his sweat. He was only in his boxers and fuck you wanted him so bad. You could see how hard he was and how badly his cock was leaking and you just wanted him now. 

You were able to move now with the help of Jay assisting you. The first thing you decided to do was kneel in front of Jay. Surprisingly you did so without any nervousness about Jungwon. At this moment you just wanted to please Jay. You just wanted something, anything. You pulled Jay’s underwear down in a hurry and you can hear him hiss at the temperature change. 

But when you place your lips around his cock you could hear him curse in satisfaction. “Fuck, baby. What a good girl.” he sighed in contentment. Then he placed his hand on the back of your head and slowly started thrusting into your mouth. You were worried about choking but you didn't care. It felt so good. You just wanted to please and be pleased.

While Jay fucked into your mouth you felt something reaching up under your shirt. It was cold, and damp as it rubbed up against the skin of your stomach, inching slowly higher and higher. 

You jumped, but Jay’s grasp was too tight for you to go anywhere. Not that you wanted to anyway. 

“I won’t hurt you. They won’t hurt you.” Jay said quietly, slowing down his thrusts as he looked down into your frightened eyes. His eyes were sincere. Then you saw them. Several slender black tentacles reached from around Jay’s back. 

You were still scared but you trusted him not to hurt you and you couldn’t help but want to keep feeling more as the first tentacle slipped around your nipple. Pinching it ever so slightly, and then rubbing against it over and over again. 

Then you felt another, gliding along your leg, up your thigh, and under your skirt until it was playing at the hem of your panties. It teased you, causing you to spread your legs open wider. You wanted it to touch you. 

You whined on Jay's cock, causing him to groan and thrust into your mouth harder.

Jay wouldn’t be able to last much longer, and he knew that since he had gotten himself so worked up just from arousing the two of you. 

You felt the one tentacle slip into your panties. It traced your heat up and down, you felt how slick it was but were unsure if it was from yourself or the tentacle. 

Jay gripped onto your hair and started to thrust hard and fast. You started to choke a bit, tears running from your eyes. You wanted to brace yourself on Jay’s legs but found your wrists suddenly trapped behind your back. Tentacles twisted around them keeping them tightly in place. You whined again. 

“God, fuck-” Jay cursed. The tentacles distracted you from the uncomfortableness of choking, causing you to tremble at the overstimulation. 

Nobody had noticed Jungwon had gotten up. He was watching as Jay fucked your throat. Jungwon’s cock was dripping with pre cum. 

Jay didn’t realize he had gotten up. Jay didn’t hear Jungwon come up behind him and he shouldn’t have cum as hard as he did when Jungwon whispered into his ear. 

“Please Hyung.. cum for me Hyung” 

But he did. Jay came harder than he ever had, thrusting into you harshly as you gagged on his cock. He groaned and let his head fall back as his cum ran down the back of your throat. 

When the older boy came to a stop, it was only a matter of seconds before he picked you up and placed you back onto the bed. Your panties were practically ripped off as soon as your back hit the sheets and Jungwon watched in awe while Jay's tentacles started to work on your body. One length was teasing your nipples, pinching and flicking before going to the other one. One immediately teasing your clit, slowly circling it to keep you on edge. Two more pulling your legs open to keep you from closing them even if you were overstimulated. 

You whined as one tentacle slowly teased your entrance. It pushed into you nice and slow, going deeper inch by inch as it released its own lubricant. You felt so full already. Your whines echoed through the room as the overstimulation from the tentacles caused that coil in your stomach to tighten. It still wasn't enough, you wanted more. You needed more.  

Jungwon couldn’t wait much longer, he thought he might cum untouched just watching the scene in front of him. 

So he got onto the bed, crawling between you and Jay, and got on top of you. He seemed completely unfazed by the tentacles as he leaned down to kiss you. His kisses were passionate and sloppy. Jungwon’s tongue acted as another tentacle as he pushed his tongue into your mouth. Jay’s tentacles still worked on you underneath him, unbothered by the smaller boy’s weight. A tentacle instead found its way to Jungwon. Teasing at a place that Jungwon had been too shy to adventure in on his own.

He was flustered, but he let the tentacle adventure. He trusted his hyung as the tentacle slid around his balls, and then pressed gently against his rim. The foreign feeling elicits an erotic moan from your boyfriend. Jungwon whined into your mouth and you whined back, running your fingers in his hair and pulling gently.

The tentacle inside of you felt so good. Not big enough to make you feel fucked out but enough to make you want more. You wanted more. Jungwon wanted more. Both of you so caught up in insatiable lust. 

“Fucking hell baby girl.” Jungwon cursed at the sight of how already gone you were. Jay’s tentacle removed itself from inside you and it was quickly replaced by Jungwon’s cock. 

There was no pain as he slipped right into you because of how wet you were. And as soon as he was sure that you were okay, he lost all control. He fucked into you harshly and didn’t hold back. The tentacles that had wrapped themselves around your legs, pulled them up so Jungwon could fuck into your deeper. Another tentacle found its way to your asshole and began to fill you up inch by inch from there. 

You began to feel so full that with every thrust you felt yourself getting closer and closer but not close enough. 

Jungwon was shaking. The tentacle had lubricated itself and found its way inside Jungwon, teasing and prodding around inside of him. Jungwon had never felt this feeling before. He trembled at the fullness as the length pushed in and out of him with every thrust. The tightness in his core built quickly too.

Jay was hard again, a tentacle jerking him off slowly as he watched his work. 

Jungwon was fucking into you relentlessly, and so deeply too. You moaned over and over as you found yourself being taken in both holes. Jungwon’s cock and the tentacle taking turns ruining your holes. The sight of your boyfriend so sweaty and desperate to please you but also to cum himself was euphoric for you. He looked so incredibly beautiful like this.

It was when the black length found Jungwon’s prostate that the younger boy started cursing. His stomach was so tight. He was so on edge. He was cumming… but he wasn’t… he wasn’t cumming… he was stuck, right on the edge. 

And with those thrusts and his noises and the tentacle rubbing your clit you found yourself in the same position. The coil in your stomach is as tight as it could go. But you couldn’t get over the edge. 

Jay reeled in the pleasure of watching you both chase your orgasms that wouldn’t come without his permission. 

Then Jungwon remembered what the older boy had said before, he wouldn't be able to come unless Jay permitted you. 

With tears in his eyes, he cried out desperately “Jay hyung please let me cum, please.”

Jay’s eyes rolled back into his head as he neared his second orgasm. His tentacles began to throb alongside his cock. He had entered a rutt without realizing it. “Fuck.” Jay cursed. 

Jay was going to have to breed you or else his rutt wouldn't go away. He bit his lip as he allowed his tentacles to take over. 

“Jay please,” you whimpered, a quiet beg for release alongside your boyfriend.

And with that, Jay no longer had any control. You squeaked when the tentacle that had been playing with your nipple suddenly found its way into your mouth. It fucked deeply into your throat keeping you quiet. Then you felt warmth traveling down your throat, the tentacle was cumming down your throat. Then there was heat as the length in your ass started throbbing, and suddenly you felt it filling you up too. 

Jungwon was experiencing the same thing as you as his own tentacle began to breed his ass, filling him with cum. The tentacle began to hit the younger boy's prostate causing him to cum with a moan. Jay had let him finally cum, and you couldn't help but blush at the feeling of your boyfriend's cum inside your cunt.

You suddenly felt a wave rush over you as Jungwon cried out in pleasure. You were so close to cumming, shaking, and grabbing onto him as you neared your release. He moaned your name as he fucked into you, but as soon as he was done and you felt him slip out only to be replaced by one more tentacle. 

This tentacle was a bit different, it was thicker and ribbed and you could feel it pulsing. You looked to Jay who was watching you as he chased his final release. 

Jay bit his lip and you watched as he came all over the tentacle who was jerking him off. That was all you needed to finally reach the edge, but as you were orgasming you felt a heaviness and fullness that you had never experienced before. Your ass was full of cum, the tentacle in your mouth had filled your stomach with cum and now, you were being filled to your limit. Jay was breeding you. His cum mixed with your boyfriend's filled your abdomen leaving you leaking all over the sheets. You cried in pleasure as the heaviness took over. 

You don’t remember much after your orgasm. All you remember is Jungwon carrying you to a bath and Jay washing your hair before bringing you back to bed. You were pretty sure you saw Jay washing Jungwon as well but you weren’t 100% sure because you were in such an almost high state of euphoric bliss.

When you woke up the next morning you found yourself being spooned by Jungwon while laying in Jay’s arms. You looked down to find that your stomach was no longer full… there’s no way that was all a dream right? You pouted slightly at the lack of fullness. 

You heard a small chuckle and looked up to find Jay looking back at you. “Don’t worry pretty girl, I’ll breed you as many times as your little body can handle it.” 

You blushed, embarrassed that he had caught you pouting. 

“But for now, let’s rest more. I’m enjoying these cuddles.” He said and he smiled and closed his eyes. And with that you felt Jungwon’s grip on you tighten as you fell back asleep feeling safe and comfortable in your boyfriend's arms. Maybe when you wake up again you'd have two boyfriends instead of one. 

[ddarker-dreams]

BRILLIANT fucking idea: SR reader insinuating/offhandedly admitting… she has never been intimate. everyone hearing it like 🧍🏾‍♀️ how do you mean. idk j the flustered bashfulness of suddenly being like “wajt wait if im her bf ,,, im her first love”

SCREAMINGGGGG

[Scarlet Ribbons index]

Giorno

Giorno is a bit strange because he almost wishes he had a predecessor to analyze (and completely outshine). He isn’t disappointed per se, he’s not that weird, but having more study material never hurts. Positive relationships are foreign to him, since he’s been distant from others most of his life. He got along with people well enough — he just preferred his own company. Now that he’s had a taste of your company, he’s keen on making it a lifelong occurrence. Overhearing this admission has him wondering if traditional courting methods don’t do much for you. Or, more realistically, that they go over your pretty head. He's witnessed you interpreting the gang's flirtations as platonic. Consequently, he gives considerable thought to ensuring this isn't a fate that befalls him. Corny as it sounds, his new dream is to stand beside you as your husband. He's chasing this goal without abandon.

Bruno

Bruno feels immensely guilty for eavesdropping on a conversation involving something so personal, but he couldn't help himself. An immense weight feels like it's been lifted from his shoulders upon learning you haven't gotten romantically involved with anyone before. This relief is followed up with sharp self-condemnation — as your leader, he shouldn't get involved with your personal affairs. Maintaining any professional distance is difficult though, especially when you're so likable. People are naturally drawn to you and he's no different. That's why this revelation comes as a surprise, albeit a good one. He tells himself he'd be happy for you if you loved someone else... however, deep down, he knows the regret would eat him alive. He struggles to concentrate the rest of the day. His mind keeps wandering back to thoughts of you, specifically, finding solace in one another’s warmth. The most innocent thoughts make his heart flutter, the man is smitten.

Fugo

Fugo almost renounces his atheism — perhaps there is a God after all. Then he's reminded that you're completely out of his league, submersing him back into the Nietzsche headspace. His self-esteem isn't the best, so the way he looks at it is if no one else was good enough to catch your attention, what chance did he have? It's a miracle you even put him with him. He's blunt, stubborn, and easy to agitate, yet you're one of the few people alive who don't treat him like a ticking time bomb. When his initial pessimism dies down, he fantasizes about you getting flustered by things like a first kiss. It's a cute mental image. Would you fidget? Accidentally bump heads and apologize? Get sweaty palms? Before he knows it, he's invented an entire storyline in his head. It's mushy enough that he struggles to look you in the eye the next time he sees you.

Mista

Mista pretends he knew it all along, as if the Pistols hadn't kept him awake multiple nights, speculating over your relationship status. The little fellas held full-blown debates. Since he's a chill, go-with-the-flow type of guy, he wouldn't have turned green with envy had he learned you former lovers. If they brought you happiness, who is he to hold it against them? Regardless, he can't deny his budding excitement. Should you reciprocate his feelings, you'll experience all your firsts with him. Those initial milestones are the moments that stick with people throughout their life. It's your first kiss in particular that he'd like to have for himself. He intends to sweep you off your feet — literally. It's got to be like those old Hollywood flicks he grew up watching, or what's the point?

Narancia

Narancia has to stop himself from audibly cheering. The multiple abandonments he underwent in the past has him latching onto the few people remaining in his life. This includes you, naturally. You've brought him so much joy, the risk of losing that, losing you, it's a fear that eats away at him. He worries that if you had exes, you might compare him to them and determine he's subpar. Then he'd be cast aside like trash as he had been multiple times before. These insecurities nourish his possessive tendencies. Learning that he has no exes to fend off is a great relief because he would've defended you viciously. It isn't until later that he daydreams over the more innocent implications, like being your first (and only!) boyfriend. He gets so preoccupied by the thought that he walks into a few walls.

Abbacchio

He's actually surprised to learn about this. He considers using Moody Blues so he can hear the entire conversation, but decides against it, believing it to be an intrusion of your privacy. Abbacchio's of the opinion that to maximize your happiness, you should find love outside of Passione. He wants that for you, and yet... his heart physically aches whenever the possibility crosses his mind. What's the alternative, then? Would he make for a suitable partner? He finds the mere possibility laughable. Your brightness would be engulfed by the gaping maw that is his existence. He considers this an empirical truth, not some 'woe is me' sentiment. Ultimately, anytime your love life (or lack of one) is brought up, he distracts himself, so as not to fixate on his shortcomings.

[trippinsorrows]

ltye + sick days

authors note: oneshot inspired by this wonderful ask . this is purely canon and actually takes place a lil bit into the future. not too long after chapter 23, so let's say a couple weeks after solana has been home from the hospital.

might or might not have one or two things sprinkled in this here one......

gif by @romanreigns

warnings: none, really. just roman being roman.

words: 4.3k

masterlist +story playlist + taglist request form

It started with irritability. More so than usual. Not towards her, per se. Never towards her. Just in general. 

An increase in snippy comments, harsher gazes, and more yelling that traveled from the confines of his office and soon made its way to the sanctuary of their kitchen, often fighting with the music Solana usually had playing. 

And then there was the fatigue. Solana has always thought Roman doesn’t get enough sleep, for a variety of reasons. But, rarely does he lag. Does she visibly see the difficulty he’s having in seizing the day. And for the most part, he does a phenomenal job, making it, pushing through as he kisses her cheek and leaves for the day.

But, she sees it.

And finally, when she’s awoken by a set of hoarse, painful sounding coughs. Solana just knows. Not the specifics, just the general, overall consensus.

That Roman is sick.

Not that he wants to believe or acknowledge that anyway.

Hand to his forehead, she doesn’t need a thermometer to know that he’s burning up.

"What’s your doctor’s name and number?" Solana moves to grab her phone off the bathroom counter, unlocking it and looking up at Roman expectantly. "Well?"

Of course, he only rolls his eyes and slips into a state of avoidance. "Solana, I don’t need—"

"Roman, you’re sick. You’ve been sick the past couple days, and it’s not getting any better." She reaches for his hand, turning it over, feeling on his palm. She then moves her two fingers to his wrist, eyes closing for a good minute. She then places her hand over his heart and asks, "are you having any pain in your chest? Sharp pains? Shortness of breath? I’ve noticed the fatigue and obviously the cough and fever. Any chills?"

"Solana—"

"I’m trying to see if you have any symptoms of pneumonia. Could also be the flu."

"Or, a cold."

"Maybe, but I want to find out for sure." Her expression softens, lips moving downward into a small frown. "The doctor, Ro…….please."

And she’s certain it’s that last 'please', the way her voice dips into a different level of concern that wins him over. That gets him to give her the requested information, Solana arranging it so that his doctor is over at the house in a little under an hour.

Dr. Michaels examination is a matter of minutes before he’s sharing with both patient and patient’s wife. “Yup. It’s definitely the flu.”

Roman looks annoyed, meanwhile Solana is a combination of relieved and worried. She shifts into protective mode, asking, “so antiviral medications, right? Probably Xofluza? Less side effects. Single dose. Unless it counteracts with his high blood pressure medication?”

Solana’s unexpected medical expertise takes both Roman and Dr. Michaels by surprise, the latter cracking a small smile as he asks, genuinely curious, “you in the medical field?”

Her eyes widen a bit. “No. No. I–my mom was, and she taught me a lot, and I just—I’ve read a lot.” More than the average person. Solana would spend hours on end reading medical journals, watching online lectures, finding free online courses on various medical topics.

It also became a bit of a necessity when her father stopped taking her to the hospital, and she had to learn to tend to her own injuries.

But that.....that doesn't really need to be stated.

Shawn chuckles. “You should be.” Roman doesn’t say anything, but he agrees. “You know more than some of my students.” Solana’s cheeks redden as she looks down, clearly unsure of how to take such a compliment as Dr. Michaels returns his focus to Roman. “The Mrs. is right. I’m gonna call you in some medication, Xofluza, as she stated. And again, like she said, it’s a single dose, which means you only have to take it once, which with you, makes it more likely for you to actually follow through with taking it.”

“He’ll take it,” Solana chimes, nodding to both herself and the two men before. “I’ll—I’ll make sure.” 

Again, the doctor looks impressed, smile widening. “I like her, Reigns. Don’t fuck it up.” Roman looks increasingly irritated, as Shawn hits Solana with an unexpected question, “you wouldn’t happen to have a guess as to what dosage I’m prescribing, do ya?”

Solana is obviously taken back for a second but doesn’t skip a beat as she thinks back onto all of her reading and research. “He’s an adult, and because of his weight, the 80mg?”

The doctor makes a sound, shaking his head as he types on his tablet. “Tell you what, you ever decide to enter the field, let me know. I will personally assist you with anything you need.” Solana doesn’t know what to make of that, doesn’t know how to take an actual medical professional, someone who has an abundance of accolades and degrees behind his name speaking so highly of her, someone with only a high school diploma. It’s flattering, to say the least. 

“Thank you.” She clears her throat, shaking her head, getting back to the main issue at hand. “He needs to rest, right? Lots of liquids. Motrin or Tylenol, if he needs it.”

Dr. Michaels closes the cover over the screen of his laptop, directing his comment to Roman. “You’re definitely in great hands, Big Guy.”

The Tribal Chief doesn’t disagree with that. Doesn’t disagree with that at all. 

—------

Roman has always noticed Solana has a caretaker type of personality. That she cares about others and likes to help when and how she can. Truthfully, it’s one of the many things he loves about her. Her heart. She’s the most empathetic person he’s ever met.

But, what’s new for him is being so deeply on the receiving end of that caretaking. He’s experienced it with her patching him up after War Games and the night he attacked her father and brother. Maybe even in the way she stays tops of him with his high blood pressure medication, but never to this extent.

Starting with her actually stipulating shit.

He’s in the room, dressing himself when she walks in having returned from the pharmacy with his medication.

She suddenly stops and asks, "what....what are you doing?"

“Getting ready for work,” he answers it so simply, so easily, like it’s the most basic thing he could ever say. “Just have to—”

“Roman, you can’t go to work.”

He turns to look at her, having just pulled his shirt over his head. With a chuckle, he gently replies, “baby, I have to.”

Solana places the bag on the bed, crossing her arms as she walks over to him. “Ro, you have the flu. Not only is it highly contagious, but you're in no position to work.”

“Sol, I’ve been working through sickness my whole life. I’ll be fine.” He always is. “And if it’s that contagious, I definitely don’t need to be around you. I don’t want to get you sick.”

“I don’t care about that.” Her dismissal is quick and sharp. “I care about you and taking care of you until you feel better, which starts with you staying here, so I can watch you." Solana makes a face, something similar to indignation as she shakes her head. “You’re staying here.” 

Roman sighs, loudly. “Baby—”

“No!” She raises her voice, quickly and rapidly saying something in Spanish that he can’t make out but doesn’t necessarily need to to know that she’s not happy. Taking a deep breath, she asks in a calmer manner, “please?”  She steps toward him, grabbing onto his forearm. “I’ll just worry about you all day if you leave…..”

Roman’s gaze is knowing, as he asks, “you know I don’t like you worrying about me.”

She nods, eyes almost mischievous as she confirms, “so you’ll stay?”

He can’t help it. He has to laugh a little. It’s such a different side of her, seeing Solana almost be manipulative, playing upon the fact that she knows he hates when she spends her time worrying about him. “Today.”

“This week,” she counters. 

That’s absolutely not going to happen, but he doesn’t want to argue with her. “Fine.” Solana looks relieved and a part of him feels bad lying to her. He knows she means well, that she only wants to help him, but the truth is that he can’t afford to be out of commission for a whole week.

Or maybe he can, and it’s just his naturally controlling personality that makes him feel like he needs to stay in the loop. Regardless of that fact, he’ll just let her have this for now.

Emphasis on for now. 

Solana nods, clearly pleased with this win. “Here.” She moves to grab the bag of medicine, ripping it open and reaching it to him along with a water bottle. Where the fuck did she even grab that from? “Take your medicine. I’m going to make you some soup.”

Roman scowls at that. “Soup?” He loves Solana’s food. She truly can cook her ass off, and while no soup she’s made has ever been bad, it’s not his favorite thing. “What about—”

She lifts up a hand silencing him, at the same moment a nasty set of coughs leaves his mouth. Stupid fucking flu.  “Only soup for the next few days.”

His eyes widen a bit at that. “Days?” How the fuck is he supposed to live off fucking soup for the next few days? “Solana—”

“Yes, soup.” She pouts, crossing her arms and waiting for him to swallow the pill before she continues, “we need to keep fluids in you, so that means lots of soup, water, and juice.” 

This shit just keeps getting more annoying and stressful, as Roman tries to help her understand his side of things here. “Baby, I’m 6’3, almost 300lbs. I need more than just soup.”

“I’ll make it hearty.” She shrugs, but that doesn’t do him much good, cause she always does. And he always ends up wanting more, both because it’s good but also because he has a massive appetite. “Now take off those clothes and change into something comfortable, but  keep your shirt off.” The last part definitely catches his attention, and Roman has to bite back a chuckle as her cheeks redden. “Not ... .not that.  I picked up some Vicks Vaporub to rub on you.” Again, his eyebrow goes up and again, she gets even redder. “Roman, please. I’m trying to help you.”

“I think I need a different kind of help.” When he goes to grab her and pull her into him, she jumps back, lifting her hands to stop him. 

“Get changed,” she redirects. “ I’ll be back in a couple minutes.”

—------

Solana is a patient person, much more than most, but she’s also human. Compassion and empathy can have limitations. And in a twist she never saw coming, she feels that to a certain extent with her big, strong husband who’s not much different from the kids she reads to when they come in for reading time feeling not the best.

Roman is a horrible patient. He’s stubborn and borderline obstinate, Solana constantly having to remind him that he needs to rest and resting does not including cussing people out over the phone which has happened more often than not in the past three days since he’s been out sick.

Which was a whole other thing. She’s found it practically impossible to convince this man that he can afford to take a couple days off, that the Bloodline will not collapse and cease to exist if Roman Reigns takes a couple days off.

Except that seems to be exactly what he thinks. 

Solana is in the kitchen, whipping up another pot of Caldo de pollo when Dulce comes sauntering in, stretching her short little body, tail wagging.

Placing the lid over the pot, Solana smiles and moves to pet her puppy when a thought crosses her mind. Dulce was in their bedroom sleeping, as was Roman. Dulce typically only gets up at movement. 

Which means…..

Sighing heavily, Solana mumbles to herself, “este hombre.” Walking with purpose, Dulce right on her heel, following with naive excitement as Solana starts with his office. When that’s a dead end, she goes to the only other place he would sneak off to despite her orders for him to stay in bed and rest.

Sure enough, Solana finds him changed into workout shorts, no top, phone in his hand. She snatches a brief second to take him in. Roman doesn’t look bad—she’s not sure he could ever look bad even if he tried—-but he doesn’t look amazing either. It would be obvious to anyone looking at him, the paleness of his complexion, the ruddiness of his cheeks, the cough that’ll probably be the last to go, that he’s sick.

If only he could accept that.

“Man, R! I literally told you 789 Little Street!” Solana recognizes Jey’s exasperated voice on the other end of the call. “How is it every time you mess this up?”

“I thought you said 987 Little Street!” There’s another voice present, one Solana doesn’t recognize. 

“I told you to stop letting his dyslexic ass handle shipments!” Jimmy’s annoyed voice sounds, and Solana watches Roman pinch the bridge of his nose.

“That’s—that’s on me. My—my bad. Imma make it right though!”

“No,” Roman’s baritone voice, even deeper with his sickness, cuts through. “Jey, have Jacob handle it. I don’t have time for these types of fuck ups.”

And at that, giving Roman enough time to issue a clear order, Solana makes her presence known, arms crossed, a scowl on her face.

Roman looks briefly surprised followed by a quiet, “fuck.”

“Roman, you are literally worse than a child. How many times do I have to tell you to rest?” She more or less rants in Spanish, well aware of the fact that he can’t understand her. It’s preferred. She doesn’t like fussing at anyone, let alone him. Marching over, Dulce right beside her, she extends her hand. “Give me your phone.”

He looks at her with disbelief. “What?”

“Aye, Soso, is that you?” Jimmy asks, clearly recognizing her voice. “Look, I know Big Dog sick and shit, but if you cooking, can you leave some food outside or something? I can swing by and pick—” The request is cut off by Roman’s finger jabbing the end button. 

“I just need to get a workout in, Solana.” Roman explains, running his hand through his hair. “It’s been two days. I feel like shit because of it.”

“No, you feel like shit, Roman, because you have the flu and because you refuse to actually rest,” she counters, hand still extended. 

“I can rest when I’m dead,” he deadpans. 

Solana winces, scowl dropping into a frown. “Don’t say things like that.” She steps toward him, dropping her hand and instead placing it on his chest. His skin is warm to her touch, most likely to the fever that still hasn’t broken. “That—that’s why I’m trying to help you. Take care of you.”

Something flashes in his eyes, something akin to compassion. “And I appreciate that, baby. I do, but you’re too worried. You took off work this week, check on me every hour on the hour, cook even more than that—”

“And I’ll keep doing it, because it’s what you need and because I love you, and that’s what you do for the people you love.” She explains, taking full advantage of the way Roman seems briefly distracted and possibly moved by her kind words to snatch his phone away. It shocks the both of them. He’s definitely sick, because there’s no way a non-sick Roman would allow her, even with her speed, to get away with that. “Now come with me in the kitchen. Food’s almost ready.”

Roman goes to protest when Dulce jumps against his leg. One look down, and she’s essentially growling at him. 

He starts to say some smart shit when Solana giggles. “See, she agrees with me. You need to rest.”

“Yeah, because that’s all her biased, lazy ass does.”

“Don’t be mean to her,” Solana scolds and moves to hold his hand, tugging slightly to get him in the right direction. The one opposite all the equipment that will cause him to expend energy he really doesn't have. “It’s almost time for your next Tylenol dosage.”

Roman doesn’t try to stop her from guiding him, but he does groan at her latest statement. “All this damn medicine.”

She shakes her head, Roman easily finding a much better thing to focus on in the sway of her ass in the short, little gray nightgown she has on. It’s mesmerizing and distracting in the best kind of way. 

“It’s only going to help you feel better……” She says more, but again, his attention elsewhere. No workouts. No real food. No sex. This shit is fucking torture. Roman is so caught up in his overall dissatisfaction that he’s briefly taken back when they’re in the kitchen, and he’s sat down at the table while Solana moves over to the stove.

His gaze falls on her, not even her ass. Well, not entirely. Just her as a person. To be fair, he knows he hasn’t been the easiest person to deal with. He never is, really. And while he hasn’t done the best job showing Solana his appreciation, his gratitude is immense.

Years. He’s spent years feeling alone. Following that night, Fetu has only been present since he was 21, but that’s not consistent. He can’t see her as much as he’d like, can’t spend time with her to the extent he would prefer. He’s limited, and that limitation doesn’t do anything to quell loneliness. 

For so long, he’s been on his own, taking care of himself, looking out for himself. It’s such a new experience to have Solana. To know she cares for him as much as she does. For her to love him like she does.

He’s not sure he could ever admit it aloud, but it can be overwhelming. Having someone like her love someone like him.

Undeserving, almost.

“Here ya go,” Solana announces, placing his tray in front of him, consisting of the soup, a spoon, napkins, and his drink. “Let me know if…...what’s wrong?” Before he can answer, she feels his forehead. “No chest pain, right?”

He shakes his head, not quite sure just what is the best thing to say or even how to say it but doing what he can. “I’m not…..I’m not used to anyone taking care of……taking care of me.” It’s usually the other way around, Roman having to handle everything for everyone around him. “I’m sorry for….making things harder on you.” 

And, he is. He knows that he’s a dick. Beyond that at times. But, she’s the one person in his life he never wants to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior. Especially when all she wants to do is help.

Solana’s smile is soft and gentle as she moves into his lap. That’s another thing he hates. Her being around him so much. He doesn’t want to get her sick, something she seems almost completely uncaring about. 

She strokes his beard. “You don’t have to apologize, Ro.”

“Don’t do that shit.” His tone is firm, but the delivery is patient and truly apologetic. “I’ve been difficult, and you don’t deserve that. You deserve an apology, and you don’t have to dismiss it.”

Because one thing he’s always been and will always be adamant about is helping her know what she does and does not deserve. She’s been done so wrong by so many people in her life. He refuses to let anyone else be added to that list, including himself. 

Solana chuckles, her gaze on him warm and loving. “You might be the only person in my life I don’t think I’d ever want an apology from, Roman.” He doesn’t necessarily agree with that. Not at all. She thinks so damn highly of him. Too highly, maybe. “I love you, and it’s like I’ve said before, I’d do anything for you.” She leans over and kisses his temple, teasing, “even put up with you being a big baby about being sick.”

He scowls a bit at that, unable to hold in his clarification. “I’m not being a baby. I just don’t like being sick.”

At that, Dulce barks, sitting down on the floor in front of them, watching the entire scene unfold.

Solana giggles. “No one does, baby.”  She pouts for a minute before her expression switches to something more serious. “And I can help you get better, but that means you have to listen to me….okay?” He sighs, Solana adding, “even if you don’t necessarily like it.”

“I don’t like any of it.” Roman is many things, and brutally honest is near the top of that list. “Especially the not being able to fuck you part.”

As expected, she starts blushing at his raw admission, but it’s followed up with one of her own too. In her own Solana type of way. “I—I miss that too, but—” she shakes her head as his eyebrow goes up. “—your health comes first.”

It seems like everything comes first when it comes to him for her. Again, he’s torn on that, but another conversation for another day. 

Climbing off his lap, she lightly squeezes his bicep. “Now get to eating.” Roman moves to slap her ass, Solana squealing and shoving his hand away. “Behave, Roman.”

Dulce barks again, Solana directing her to follow her out the back door. “I’ll be right back,” she informs, closing the door as soon as the puppy is outside. 

Roman chuckles to himself, staring at the tray laid out for him so thoughtfully by his wife. His best friend. 

His everything. 

—------

It's a long week and a half, most of which is spent Roman doing his best to follow his wife’s orders but also struggling to not fall into his normal routine. He definitely earns a couple of Spanish scoldings as well as some low growling from her pocket pet, but when all is said and done, Roman comes out on the other end starting to feel more and more like himself.

Enough to where he’s ready to actually see beyond the inside of his home. 

A necessity, as he was most definitely teetering on the verge of going stir crazy. 

Roman is prepared to head out the door in a little under twenty minutes, already having a line of meetings awaiting him, all coordinated by his Wise Man.  

But, he has to do something first.

She’s in the kitchen, washing up some dishes, humming to herself when he comes up behind her. 

Solana jumps a little, a small smile falling on her face that morphs into confusion when he lowers his hands in front of her. He hears her gasp as he places the diamond necklace on her neck, moving her hair to the side to clasp the hook. “Roman…..” She reaches for a towel, drying her hands and looking down, fingers carefully grasping at the nearly 100k gift. “This is beautiful. You didn’t have to—”

“Of course, I did,” he dismisses, moving his hands around her waist, kissing the side of her neck. “You took care of me all last week, and you didn’t have to. I appreciate that. I appreciate you.” He watches her continue to admire just a small token of his gratitude for her and everything she does for him. “And you know, Michaels was right. You’re smart as hell, Solana. You ever thought of trying to go to school?”

At that, she turns to him, eyes set with slight confusion. “M–me?”

Roman chuckles, gently squeezing her cheek. “Yes, you, baby.”  He continues, seeing she could use a bit of affirmation and encouragement. “The fact that you know and have self taught yourself so many things, even without a college degree just shows how smart you are. How good you’d be at that, whether nursing, a doctor—”

“A doctor?” She interrupts in a small voice, Roman enjoying the smile that’s gradually growing. “Do you really……” And there it goes, he can see it, the insecurity sweeping in as she shakes her head. “Roman, I’m almost 30. I’m too old for that now. I–I missed my oppurt—”

“Hey.” He cuts her off, firm but still patient. “You can do whatever the fuck you want to do, Solana.”  He gently palms her face, making sure she understands he’s fully behind her. No matter what. “You want to go back to school? I’ll make it happen. You have my support in whatever you want, baby.” She’s visibly moved by this, and he’s grateful to at least see that spark return. “Just think about it……okay?”

She nods, agreeing in a quiet voice. “Okay.” Roman kisses her forehead, moving to step away when he catches the change in her expression. As she briefly covers her mouth. Like she's about to throw up.“What’s wrong?” 

Solana looks up and shakes her head, explaining with a shrug after a few seconds of clearly gathering herself, “I've just been kind of tired the past few days. Nauseous too.” 

At that, Roman tenses and curses. “Fuck, did I get you sick?” He knew that shit would happen. She was around him too much. Interactions and touches exceeding what was appropriate. “I’ll stay—”

“No,”  she cuts him off, turning to face him as she places her hand on his chest. “I don’t think it’s that. I’ve—I’ve had the flu before. This feels different.” That doesn’t help him feel much better either, but she seems determined. “I’ll be fine. If I still don’t feel good at work, I’ll just come back home.”  She shrugs guessing, “probably just a stomach bug or something.”

He’d rather her not leave at all, but a part of him also wants to see her out of the house as well. A change in environment. “Okay, but if you come home early, let me know, alright?” Cause there’s no way in hell he’s going to let her be sick all by herself. Not when she spent a week and a half off work tending to him. 

“Okay,” she agrees, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I love you.” 

Roman doesn’t stiffen at the words, doesn’t feel torn or conflicted, just an intense amount of reciprocity.

“I love you too, baby.”

[booksandmate]

On understanding and other things

I think part of the reason why that final talk is so painful is because it shows that they don't know each other as well as they wanted to believe. Both of their ideas about who the other is and what they want are based mostly on what they want the other to be and not on who they really are.

They both want to be together, but in different ways. Aziraphale wants them to be on the same side, on the side of heaven. Crowley wants them to be on their own side, one apart from heaven and hell and everything they know, one where they can be themselves as Crowley and Aziraphale, not as angel and demon or even angel and angel.

And I think the reason they want such different things has to do with a number of things that could be summed up in their different life experiences and, consequently, their views on idealism and big changes.

Aziraphale never got over who they were in the beginning. I think for both of them that might have been one of the most beautiful moments of their lives, because they were still together, on the same side, simply in awe of the beauty of creation and unaware of the problems that would arise in the future. It is the only part of their history where they could be on the same side without breaking the rules, so it is only natural that Aziraphale remembers it as the best of times. But it ended with Crowley being unfairly cast out, so it's only sensible that he has a completely different perception.

And Aziraphale still believes Crowley to be an angel. He interprets his rejection of evil and his pursuit of goodness as a remnant of the angel he used to be and his desire to be one again. And actually, this interpretation makes sense, but it’s just not the correct one. Crowley has again and again denied his demon nature, doing everything in his power to do as little evil as possible without his head office noticing, yes, but not because he wants to be an angel.

Crowley has given up the idea of heaven as fundamentally good a long time ago, as it has proven, in more than one ocassion, to be capable of as much cruelty as hell itself in the name of an imagined greater good. Crowley's experience as an angel was good only at the very beginning. Once he learned that heaven was more about following rules than doing good, his idea of it was lost.

In short, Crowley doesn't want to be a demon any more than he wants to be an angel. It is not a matter of which side, but of the existence of sides per se. He does not like the system and does not want to be part of it from either side.

That is why he is hurt, because after so long, Aziraphale misunderstood his true nature. Crowley wants to be good, yes, but not in an angelic way. He doesn't want to go back to the place where rules and great plans matter more than real goodness. He just wants to be himself, outside of preconceived ideas of good and evil.

And so Aziraphale's offer to return to all that comes to Crowley as a disappointment. To realise that after all these years the one person you can consider a friend doesn't really understand you, the one person who has stood by you, listened to you, protected you, and done everything that no one else ever did. That even that person can't understand what you are, well, it must have felt like a stab in the chest.

And the same is true the other way around.

Crowley wanted to think that after the events of s1, Aziraphale had finally accepted who he was and what he (they) wanted. In the same way that Crowley hasn't been good at being a demon, Aziraphale hasn't been good at being an angel, and Crowley thinks that puts them in the same place. But it doesn't, because although Aziraphale is not just a clueless angel who silently follows the rules, neither has he been let down in the same way that Crowley has.

As I mentioned earlier, their difference of opinion is based (not entirely, but largely) on their different experiences of heaven. Aziraphale has been let down by heaven a couple of times throughout history, but none of them could match what Crowley had to go through when he was cast out. Aziraphale knows this, but he can never truly understand it.

So even when they both understand that heaven is not ideal, one of them approaches it with exasperating idealism, while the other doesn't even try anymore.

[sunny-mercya]

Water Fright

Laxus Dreyar x Male Reader

Fandom -> Fairy Tail

Masterlist

Whenever it begun to rain—the droplets of water pitter-patter downwards from the dark stormy brewing cloud filled sky and splashing onto earth below and showering them with refreshment—you felt a sense of dread in your bones.

It wasn't really dread per se, but more a feeling of heavyweight—something which pulls you down and makes you want to stay in bed, curled up in the blankets, all day long—such kind of feeling it was.

Being at home or the Guild, you had long learned how to drown out the sound of rain—busying yourself with whatever you could find and sometimes you even would let the gramophone play, just to have something much pleasant to listen to.

Natsu—bless your brother for being out of the house before the rain even had started—despite being an cheerful, carefree and kind person would only have laughed at you, saying something like that you're just being sentimental again—and although Natsu knew the truth behind it, he only means it well.

»[Name]! I'm finished with folding laundry!« exclaimed Happy, flying out from the small room and over to you—saying his thanks, when you had giving him a treat for the well done job.

Since you're not an active guild member at the moment—besides the few occasional tag alongs with your brother—you're always glad whenever Happy, since you don't have an exceel Cat of your own, decides to stay with you behind and help you around with your tasks.

»Is this the new coat for Laxus-san?« Happy, after having munched his fish shaped snack treat—tasty treats, with real fish inside, which you had personally baked for him—settles down on your head and patting his paws on you.

»You think he will like it?«

»Yeah! This new coat looks so good!«

A small smile graced your lips—as you caressing over the smooth material, turning the coat over and looking at the stitched in, albeit clumsy from you, guild sign on the inside—truly hoping Laxus will like the gift, after all his old coat looked so scruffy and worn out nowadays.

In a few days—although sort of, as you're still not completely sure what relationship you have with Laxus now, because it wasn't neither exactly broken off but nor a stable one, more something like a hold off or short termed break—would be your fourth anniversary with Laxus and a coat is the only proper gift you could think of, which you knew he would like or being fond of.

You flinched—phantom jolts of pain chorusing through your hip and all the way up to your waist, leaving a uncomfortable ache behind to linger with soon blossoming pain—when thunder boomed and a strike of lightning flashed through the sky, making you reminiscing in the past memory of last year.

While it had been a year already since Laxus fall out with the Guild—the fights you had with him during that time and his excommunication—and even though all is being forgiven now, there are still things which can't be forgotten nor fixed with an simple apology.

Because getting electrocuted—marked forever with burning scars—by your own Boyfriend, then being thrown off a cliff, falling onto a small platform—dislocating and breaking your hips and leg in the process—falling into a river (minds hazy to even take proper notice of the water below, which you feared despite the element being part of your magic) with strong currents afterwards, when Gray tried to help you and almost drowning and then, on the brink of unconsciousness, still having to perform high magic—wasn't something so kind to remember.

Happy—when you shuddered out a deep breath and hands curling up in a tight grip on the coat—had moved from your head, down into your arms—giving you cuddles, it's his duty (having being ordered by Natsu) to comfort you when Natsu himself isn't here or someone else you're comfortable with and Happy, as your friend and part of the Dragneel family takes his task very seriously.

»If Natsu brings Gary and Lucy as dinner guests, then we need to start preparing. Anything specific, besides fish, you getting some fish no worry, you want me to cook Happy?«

It's random rambling by now, to distract your mind and yourself from the sounds of stormy rain and when Happy was about to answer, the shrill sound of the doorbell took your attention away.

Standing up, Happy still in your arms, you ventured out of the living room and into the small hallway towards the front door—opening it and greeting whoever it was.

»Oh, Nokka, hello.«

~~~•~~~

»Laxus-san! Laxus-san!«

It's rare for Happy—who had came flying into the Guild in such a panicked rush and fur drenched from the heavy rain—to shout for Laxus, when it's normal Natsu's name (and occasionally Gray), when there's or might be something wrong with you and the guild knows, if in any case Laxus name being shouted by Happy, it must be something serious then.

»Now, now, Happy, how about you calm down and tell us whats wrong. What got you so worried?« Mirajane dries her hands on a rag, walking towards the blue cat—who looked really like a panicked child right now—but Happy only shook his head, flying in circles and calling out for Laxus once more.

»Dammit Cat, what's gotten into you? Watcha want?«

»Quick Laxus-san! This Nokka guy has [Name]! Forced him out in the rain! Quick!«

Nokka was a guy—an wandering guildless mage—who had set his eyes, hungry like preying wolf on a hunt, on you after Laxus and you had a sort of distance in the relationship and it's a openly known fact how the whole Guild—especially Laxus, Natsu, Gray and Mirajane—disliked Nokka with visible frowns and lowkey hostility.

Well, well, Mirajane thought, finally a reason to have Nokka punched.

»C'mon Cat. Tell me which way.« Laxus grabs Happy by the tail and walking out.

~~~•~~~

Ridiculous, Nokka thought—annoyance rising in him—absolutely ridiculous how a first generation Dragon Slayer and mage of the element water is terrified of what he's supposed to be. It's truly ridiculous, isn't it?

After almost two years of watching you—you're a wanted and highly priced object on the black market—and finally getting to interact with you socially and physically since last year, the disappointment Nokka feels—when seeing you so cowardly sitting on the riverbanks and crying like a child—was like a bucket of ice being dumped onto him.

»The fuck you mean you can't?! Huh?! You're a Water Dragon Slayer! You're a powerful source! And now you seriously wanna tell me, that you, a goddamn water mage, is afraid of water?!« Nokka screams at you, gripping your wrists tightly and shaking you as if this would make you understand what he's saying.

It was already a hassle to drag you outside through the rain and now—and gods, does Nokka wants to hit you and perhaps he might do so soon—you're being so damn difficult, when he simply asked you, to cast a mere tiny spell.

»You can't be fucking serious! I've wasted two years with a disappointing liability like you!« Nokka throws you, after pinning you onto the muddy ground—slapping your face red and bloody—into the river and while the river isn't deep, it's still deep enough that the water reach your chin.

Nokka didn't seemed to realise that the increasing of rain—once soft and light, now hard and prickly like needles—comes from you, just like the up building puddles of water which merges into a rising wave now and towering over Nokka and the riverbanks.

You hated water, hated it so much that just the thought of having to use your magic makes you even more sick than your motion sickness itself—it's paradox, you knew it is, this fear of your very own element—but after what happened, all these years ago when you were a child, it just traumatised you so much that a mere sight of even bathing or just a bucket of water sends you into a panic.

You're aware what laughingstock you must be for everyone and what shame you bring to Fairy Tail—the disappointment Natsu must always live thru with a brother like you, what liability you are in any fights and what utterly useless human and pathetic Dragon Slayer you are.

»That high price for you on the black market is ridiculous. Why do they even wanna sacrifice someone like you even?« a second after Nokka's angry muttering—which you barley registered to listen to, but the sole word “sacrifice” sends you into a new deep rooted panic—and the up building wave crashed onto him like a wall of loose bricks and the next wave was already read to come.

»Hey, Asshole!« when Nokka turns, to cuss out whomever just said that to him, he was meet with lighting and a fist hitting his face—sending him a few feet away and crashing to the ground.

»Hands off from my Boyfriend.« Laxus scoffed, sending with a snap of finger another strike of lightning towards Nokka, before turning his attention to you.

Walking into the River and standing before you, Laxus puts his coat—completely soaking wet though—around your shoulder, letting first the high towering wave crashing down onto the both you, before picking you up and making his way back to your house.

~~~•~~~

A whine, full of exhaustion, escaped your lips as Laxus tugs you out of your drenched clothes—creating a soggy pile on the bathroom floor—and guides you towards the bathtub and although you're clearly exhausted—more mentally than physically—upon seeing the water, horror struck over your face.

»Hey, I know you don't like water, but if we don't take a good hot bath we're both going to get sick. C'mon love, I hold you.« Laxus tried to ease you into the water, coaxing you with sweet words, but even in locked up fright you could be rather stubborn—so Laxus had no other choice, but to plump you into the tub in one go and getting in himself just as quick.

Once the steaming hot water—something Laxus noticed quick, was the only temperature (either warm or hot, but no cold) in your house and Laxus wants to curse your brother for this—engulfs you whole all the aches, cramps and tension you've felt seemed to leave your body at once—sighing out in relief, leaning against Laxus' chest as he had wrapped his arms around you.

„If [Name] is sleeping, let him be Natsu. Let me just wash my hands real quick and then we can–“ Lucy stopped mid-sentence, when entering the bathroom, coming face to face with a rather intimacy scene of Laxus and [Name].

»Hey, Lucy.« it's a short, nonchalant, greeting from Laxus—who only spared Lucy one glance—while [Name] remained unresponsive as if he hadn't taken notice of her.

»I'm sorry for interrupting!« Lucy almost screams it, her face erupting into a red of embarrassment, slamming the door shut—shaking you out from your slight dozing off—and shouts something along the lines of;

„We're having dinner at the guild! We're gonna sleepover at the guild! C'mon boys! [Name] needs some alone time!“

»Is Na'su home?« you asked, remembering that you still have to make dinner.

»Not anymore.« and you only hummed in response.

~~~•~~~

Sitting naked on your bed, you watched how Laxus, clad in only way too tight boxers, rummages through your closet—grumbling about not wanting to wear tiny sized and old worn out clothes from Natsu, because that's what most of your closet consists anyways—searching for some fitting clothes for the both you.

»Aha! I knew there are some shirts of mine in there as well!« Laxus exclaims it proudly, turning around to show you his finds with a small smile on his lips—dressing you in it, before getting onto the bed as well and pulling you into his arms.

While you snuggle into him, Laxus moves his hand from your thigh, under your shirt and over your hip and waist, where the scars are—scars he had given you, scars which still would throb in pain on some days and being a reminder of what heinous acts Laxus had done to you, the person he loves the most—caressing gently over your ragged skin.

Laxus leans down towards you, capturing your lips in a long overdue kiss and ghosting more kisses over your face and neck—gods, did he have missed it, to have you this close in embrace again.

[waitmyturtles]

I LOVE 4 MINUTES.

I love it! GAAAAAHHH, I love it. While Be On Cloud’s KinnPorsche was so BL-referential, I just love this juicy Dr. Sammon-mystery genre that takes us out of trope-land. Queer murder mysteries, my beloved.

I have no theories, per se, about where I think this show is going, but I am going to jot down some observations for my own posterity and memory. After reading some theories on Twitter (including one that Dr. Sammon herself retweeted), I went back and fast-forwarded through all the episodes so far, so here are my notes (and these VERY WELL may have been repeated in the tag, so I apologize if I’m just pooping what we’re already assuming here).

1) This Twitter account noted that Tonkla saw his cat in episode 1, after what-we-assume-to-be present-day boing with Korn. Tonkla sees this AFTER Korn rushed off after getting off the phone. After this week’s episode, we seem to be informed that said cat had died in the past.

We also know that Tonkla has a habit of lighting up after sex and during times of duress.

There might be more than just tobacco in those cigarettes he’s lighting up, I’m not sure, but we also know he hits the shabu, pipe-wise.

Besides Great being in what I assume to be, and what I call, a fever-state, or better phrased, a cardiac episode, I am assuming that Tonkla is transcending his own lines of reality through drug use.

1a) [(A quick aside: I just wanna say that I will be VERY. CURIOUS. as to how Tonkla’s drug use is positioned alongside his predilections for unprotected sex, and if I think there will be public health commentary in this. Drug use is, of course, generally not recommended by medical professionals, and at the same time, it’s a culturally important element of many facets of queer culture that many physicians who work with LGBTQ+ patients are trained to be aware of; for example, using poppers to ease the process of preparing for intercourse. I don’t know if the show means to indicate that Tonkla, vis à vis being on PrEP and meth at the same time, is an automatically unsafe person…but he also might be a murderer… so yeah, I will be curious about this underlying public health messaging.)]

1b) (Speaking of public health, yo, we needed those Durex bottles in episode 4, YOWCH.) (😬) (ANYWAY.)

2) So, speaking of Great and Tonkla living in their own realities, I also want to posit that Tyme has created his own sense of delirium by literally not sleeping.

Homeboy is on his shifts, he’s working out, he’s solving mysteries, he’s kicking literal ass, he’s investigating and courting Great, he’s following Korn. He’s doing a lot! We haven’t caught him sleeping yet, again, literally.

I wonder if this may be Dr. Sammon commenting on the culture of insanely long shifts for doctors, which impacts their mental and physical well-being. We’ve also separately learned that Tyme is driven by revenge, and by a need to support his grandma and save Nan. But how can he do all of that, if he’s physically depriving himself of the ability to rest? I don’t know if this is going to go anywhere, but I do notice the camera work, whenever Tyme is scrubbing out of a shift, re-centering from a tilt, which makes me wonder about what these shots are telling us about his mental state (and we saw comparable camera work when Tonkla thought he saw Dome).

(I’m also not forgetting that the show shows him stabbed at the very start of the series, and I’m constantly wondering about that.)

3) Finally, I want to offer that Korn, Great, and Tyme are not out. At least for Great and Tyme, does that contribute to a delirium mindset (and maybe even Korn, too) by way of the stress of holding in secrets? (Please note that this linked article is from 2004 and does not have fully updated terminology.)

I don’t know if this theory holds for Great, because a popular theory for him at the start of the series was that he may not have realized he was gay until he met Tyme. I don’t know that I saw that in my very-fast rewatch except for his surprised looks during the stitches moment in the hospital. Great’s comfort with Tyme in the car after the claw machines makes me think he knew more about his sexuality, and his physical separation from his family at the dinner table in episode 1 also makes me wonder if he realized his preferences were always going to separate him from his nuclear family. I’m not sure, but I’m chewing on this.

4) So, where I’m gonna go entering into episode 5 is that there isn’t a centered or accurate “present day” for anyone….mayyyybe except for Korn, who is certainly living his own fever dream of being stuck in a reeeeeeally bad job, but maybe isn’t being subjected to mental delirious psychoses (just, you know, the general stress of hating your work thoroughly). But I could be wrong there, too, because we know that Korn is driven by greed, filial piety, and a desire to take over the family business. So maybe that’s creating a delirium of his own, one that takes him away from his boyfriend for weeks at a time.

4a) (By the way, isn’t it interesting that we are not seeing NC scenes with Korn and Fasai? I know, I know, Be On Cloud does queer/BL content, but. I think it’d be interesting if the show ran the gamut of intimacy. Just a thought.)

Anyway! This show is so good, it’s making me babble. I absolutely love it, and it is the comeback that Bible Wichapas deserves.

[anyasathenaeum]

NSFW Trigun Headcanons

A/N: I felt inspired to just kinda punch these out before I start tackling requests. So yeah, please enjoy these LOL my first NSFW writing ever (PLEASE BE NICE)

Warnings: MINORS DNI, nsfw writing, mentions of cunnilingus, penetrative sex, marking, rough sex, etc. etc.

Vash the Stampede

Somebody who absolutely focuses on his partner's pleasure over his own

Like, Vash would absolutely be the type to straight up cum in tandem with his partner when he's been pleasuring them.

He's eating you out/sucking you off? You better believe he's humping into the bed or whatever surface is beneath him as he does so, making his cock leak precum all over, especially hearing your moans and cries of pleasure as he does so

WOULD ABSOLUTELY MOAN INTO YOUR PUSSY/ON YOUR COCK no doubt about it

His noises? THE PRETTIEST

Vash would be the type to cover his mouth with his hand in an attempt to stifle his sounds, because you draw them out of him constantly

"Mmph, (Y/N)... y-yes, like tha-ah!"

You'd absolutely have to pin his hands down to hear those noises more, I lowkey imagine Vash is a little embarrassed at just how noisy he can be

"Now, now, I wanna hear you, Vash."

The blush on his face is unmatched, his whole face red and his blue eyes all shiny as he looks up at you

"O-Okay! Hah-, o-okay, nngh!"

Whines, whimpers, even slight sobs, they're all sounds you'll hear escaping him

As well as calls of your name and passionately proclamations of his love for you

Sex with Vash is always a loving affair, so filled with tenderness and care. It's rare for it to be rushed or purely lustful

Vash would have a hard time leaving marks on you, he doesn't like the notion of hurting you, even at the height of passion

Of course, if you insist, over time, Vash will learn to leave a mark or two on your skin, wherever you'd like him to - your chest, your neck, your thighs

He'd be!!! so!!!! gentle!!!!

Caressing your skin constantly with both his real and his prosthetic, enjoying the feeling of you in his hands

I definitely think he'd cum even if you didn't touch him, especially the first few times you have sex with him

Over time, once you and Vash become more comfortable, there would definitely be moments where you two have rougher rounds

Or, maybe not rougher, per se, but more desperate, less careful

Maybe after Vash has almost lost you or something has almost torn you away from him, he'd be tearing at you desperately, clutching onto your skin, kissing you and marking you freely, tears going down his cheeks as he thrusts into you, savouring the feeling of your skin against his, a reminder that you're still alive and still with him.

"(Y/N), o-oh... (Y/N)... I love you, I- ah! Pl-please don't leave me..."

Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Sex with Wolfwood starts out more as just a purely physical thing - an act you both partake in, but it slowly becomes something more

Wolfwood would lowkey use you as stress relief

He's had a bad day? You'll know by how hard he thrusts into you, his skin slapping against yours, his grunts and moans echoing off the walls of the empty room you two have snuck off to

"Yeah, take it, (Y/N), just like that. Take it!"

This man? Dirty talker extraordinaire, can straight up turn you on with very few words

He takes flustering you and turning you on as a personal challenge, trying to keep you on your toes all the time and see how red he can make you

If he sees you rubbing your thighs together in desperation, in need, or crossing your legs, your face heating up, Wolfwood takes it as a win

He rewards you for taking his teasing all day by giving you one of the best fucks of your life

What's surprising though - he doesn't actually have all that much experience

I actually can't imagine Wolfwood sleeping around a lot before you, despite all his confidence and his smugness in bed

So, when he actually starts sleeping with you, at first, Wolfwood knows the mechanics of the act of sex, but he doesn't understand the small things

With time, Wolfwood becomes softer with you, learning how you like to be touched, what you like to hear, all your preferences

"Does that make you feel good? Yeah? Lemme hear you, sweetheart. Yes, just like that... good."

Marks you up SHAMELESSLY - will leave hickies wherever he feels like it and he doesn't give a damn who sees because you're his.

Will smirk when he sees other people eyeing the marks on your skin

P O S S E S S I V E - he gets jealous easily, even if he doesn't admit to it, and when he's jealous? Goddamn, RIP you, you're not walking for the next few days

Will also not hesitate to fuck you wherever he feels like it - in the bathroom of a saloon? Check. In an alleyway, not too far away from the main street where people are walking? Check.

The thrill of potentially getting caught makes it all that much more exciting for Wolfwood

Not a huge fan of cuddling after sex when you first start seeing him, but after a while, he softens and doesn't want to let you go

Basically, at first, sex isn't an emotional thing with him, but it becomes one over time - it changes as your relationship with Wolfwood changes and becomes deeper, more intimate, more romantic.

And you know what? Wolfwood wouldn't change it for a thing (though he'd rather die than admit it to you or anybody else)

[fumifooms]

Namalin

Namari x Falin

Easy short rarepair spotlight post for prosperity~ This one I didn’t think of on my own for once, I don’t know if it’s just I forgot the decided-on ship name or what but I remember seeing really nice art and a couple posts about it that I can’t find again 💔 Namalin warrior you are out there and not forgotten ty for making me see the light

I like that Namari’s critical of Falin! I have a whole character analysis on Falin if you’re interested, but it’s generally well noticed that people around Falin idealize her a lot. Laios, Marcille and Toshiro all put her on a pedestral of ultimate goodness in the world, a saintess if nothing short of perfection. Sounds like Chilchuck felt sort of creeped out by her vibes, uncomfortable because he couldn’t read her, so unlike Namari it seems he preferred steering clear of her rather than debate opposed ideologies like he usually does. Makes sense if unlike Namari his issue is with her cryptic aura rather than the stances she does show. "… The dungeon is no place for soft hearts" my ultimate namalin scene <333 It’s fun because while this scene is there to show us a lot of things, mostly to establish Falin’s characters better as it’s the first flashback of her we get, the conflict in it is more than anything else Falin vs Namari in how they contrast and clash and approach situations differently. Namari wants security in swift effective violence and thinks Falin too soft for her own good when she prefers a pacifist approach and promotes compassion even for the "undeserving" in Namari’s eyes. Falin steps between the battle ready Namari and the ghost, fearless. Falin effortlessly gently exorcises the ghost without one step back, quickly. Falin proves someone wrong. Falin proves someone wrong.

I love thinking of Namari being surprised when she learns new aspects of Falin. I like Falin having the power to shape people’s views on her. With Falin ships the most fun part for me is usually that point where Falin/the relationship becomes a clean slate: the person realizes they haven’t been seeing all of her, realizes there’s more of her they hadn’t noticed or that she hadn’t shown, that there’s change, a shift in the views on each other and the dynamic a bit.

Namari often feels like an external view looking in to me… I need to make a proper analysis on her but like. I made a lamari post once (analytic more than personally invested rip sorry) and I go with the same Namari take here, I think she’s someone who tends to have an outsider view on people and relationships if that makes sense, she’s a coworker before anything else and she’s content staying at a distance, she’s not objective per se but she tries to keep feelings out of her choices and how she sees people (her lil arc on not staying to save Falin despite the existing camaderie but in the end asking to work for the Flokes more because she wants to stay with them). She’s serious no nonsense on the job but friendly off the job and likes having casual friends, but she’s not… She doesn’t really feel connected to the group. She’s so focused on doing her job, even if she does get impulsive and passionate and too assertive for her bosses’ tastes, so focused on working her reputation and life from the ground up that that professionalism and attitude limits her social life. It doesn’t help that her reputation makes her widely judged, so she probably enters social spaces on the derensive. The closest person she was to pre-canon as far as we knew was Chilchuck and even they have a very "coworker I get along with" dynamic more than friends, with a similar sense of boundaries, humor and world view. Also like canon says a few time, the party didn’t really try to get to know each other well pre-canon, didn’t hang out after work often no one knew where Marcille was from and no one thought that was weird (also how no one had the instinct to ask about Senshi’s past) etc, the notable exception is we’re shown Namari and Chilchuck hitting taverns together and having a grand time. Everyone’s fine with things as they are, they get along decent even if not everyone considers each other friends exactly. Where I’m getting at is that to me, it feels like she tries keeping emotional distance. Emotional distance from people in general being something which in my interpretation of Falin is also present, which would make it a theme and common thread interesting to explore imo. But yes like, Namari looking at Falin, and how everyone treats her, and being more skeptical, seeing her for what she is a little more, maybe even uncharitable. "Why is everyone treating her like she’s all that? She’s gentle sure but seems like a doormat to me" and then one day she comes running up with her mace ready to cave in someone’s face to protect Laios. So yeah… Keeping her distance but one day Falin offering her some gentleness that feels very too personal for someone who’s not used to being genuine and simply showing that they care… Them talking a bit which leaves her stumped and mindblown in a quiet way when Falin defies her expectations. Namari growing on Falin when she stays and decides to open herself up more, or when Falin ends up reading her really well like she’s shown to do with her parents and Marcille’s worries. She’s very attuned to worrying and why and when different people do it especially when it comes to when they worry for others, perhaps because she does a lot of that too, so I think she’d nail down how Namari does care for the rest of the party and it’d make Namari feel seen both in a warm validating way and in a scared naked way.

We see in the tentacles chapter that she’s someone’s who’s very protective and looks out for her peers in a tough love way. She’s overbearing but it’s because she wants everyone to have the best chances. I like that she’s very confrontational and somewhat pushy and rude, but it’s tough love, it’s protective care: asserting herself to better protect and defend. The opposite of Falin’s type of care, quiet and self-sacrificial devotion. They’re barbarian x healer but they’re also bodyguard x bodyguard in their attitude and role. … What I want for them is slow burn slice of life of being coworkers and slowly getting to know each other better, pretty fluffy, but god, put this way they’d have the potential to be such a hot layered mess of insanely mutually devoted codependence… Falin taking a hit for Namari and Namari being scarred by it forever, lots of arguments about it, my god.

I like that she’s the fighter to Falin’s healer. I looove thinking of scenes of Falin healing Namari, necessitating touch and like, a moment of slowing down and sitting together in silence, too intimate, the perfect opportunity to connect that neither truly want to take until one day they do. I love how onesided I imagine the relationship would be at first. Again, as per my interpretation of Falin, I think Namari would have all these little observations and opinions on Falin meanwhile Falin really doesn’t think of Namari much at first. So Namari thinks a lot about Falin and thinks she’s got her pinned down but hasn’t (not that she’s fully wrong, she’d have credit and confront Falin on some of her flaws like the doormat thing), while Falin is very passive about Namari and doesn’t think deeply about her or anything but she read Namari’s insecurities and logic well. Not unlike how Laios was the one who seemed to understand Namari’s way of care the best in the party in the tentacles episode, and how he was very understanding of her choice and reasons. In Falin’s case it’s more like, the objectivity of passivity… She cares about Namari less than Laios who generally seeks to form bonds, so her lack of investment allows her a neutral perspective. In that way another parallel with Namari that I’m drawing, except Namari lets feelings from her opinions seeps in more… Onesided beef my beloved. I’m going insane save me this post was a mistake. I think Falin takes the crumbs of friendship and love where she can without expecting or asking for anything more than what’s offered, and I think her relationship with Namari (or anyone really) would start out the way it did with Marcille: the other takes the initiative and they end up spending time together, Falin is friendly but unattached until the bond gets gradually and wordlessly strenghtened through regularly spending moments together. So! I think Namari would need to take a lot of the first steps, which since again she’s confrontational & argumentative and doesn’t hold herself back on that front that could spark a lot of conversations I think. Ooor since Falin cares about Namari less than Laios and Marcille she allows herself to be bolder herself lol. Or also circumstances force them to spend time together like dungeon party getting separated shenanigans.

I think their personalities match cutely, I think falin would try to protect namari like she does others but also Namari simply doesn’t need protection, just support. And I think they’re complementary in that way that Namari’s friendly but also won’t sugarcoat things, and I think if she takes an interest in Falin it could go from there and she could develop some understanding of her and idk like an intrigued crush….

Namari wants stability & security & to, like, not be judged and rejected and exiled lol, to find her nest her pack the place where she feels good and wanted in. I think having a fitting partner would help in that (similarly to how the found family with the Flokes seemed to. Oh another parallel, Falin’s top priority is protecting Laios her brother and what Namari are a family figure) and I think Falin would fulfill that cozy protection and that warm ‘being seen and not judged’ feeling. But also Namari would run up to her and yell about her trying to sacrifice herself ever.

Another fun thread to explore: post-canon guilt for not having gone to save her. Sure, they weren’t close, but they had some nice memories, didn’t they? Namari cares, and it stings despite herself when it feels like people think she doesn’t. Oh it wasn’t a lost cause after all, oh it’d have worked out, oh I could have stayed loyal and it wouldn’t have compromised myself in the end. Wanting to apologize to Falin, or just ahnging out with her and sharing a moment after she wakes up. And tangent but that’s interesting to think about… Narratively, I think the purpose of Namari and Toshiro in the story, beyond strenghtening the theme of "seek to understand what is different from you and promote unity despite them" and fleshing the cast and worldbuilding, is Toshiro’s purpose was being a foil & tool in Laios’ arc (trouble connecting with people) while Namari’s was being and a foil & tool in Marcille’s arc (standing up for ideals without being out of touch with harsh realities and needs). They are the conflict that push our protagonists to grow— and they explore different ways of dealing with a situation or topic, different ways of growing into themselves on that end: Laios needing to listen to others more and Toshiro needing to focus on voicing himself more to be able to connect, Marcille needing to learn ideals sometimes cost too much and Namari needing to internalize that ideals are sometimes worth risks (not only to be able to find a reasonable but fulfilling life balance, but also to get in touch with their compassion: Namari restricts her own too much and Marcille is too harsh on people she deems to be breaking values, like Namari not risking her life and career for a friend with no promise of success, or even like how Namari is harsh on Falin’s way of doing things : too gentle, too soft, too idealistic) (similarly to Chilchuck’s arc with Marcille too, and he also plays a hand in advancing that arc in the Namari chapters). We are getting far from namalin sorry ummm preview for future analyses like Toshiro’s contrasting approach to grief and accepting loss.

More post-canon namalin! Thinking about a timeline where… Namari is fond of Falin finding herself and going off to do her thing. "Finally!" she thinks. If she’s still for hire, maybe Falin would want her to come along, either as guide or bodyguard <3, she knows Namari has a lot of good avice on a lot of things to give, plus they’ve worked together before. She hires Namari and they travel for a bit. Travel would do Namari good too I think, even if her end goal is to settle and I think Falin’s would be too eventually. Seeing sights that light her wonder for the world and going places where people don’t know her story, don’t recognize her face or her name. Them, feeling free. Finding a companionship that feels uplifting instead of stifling or charged. Namari having been too in her head about reputation and social games and money that they hit the roads and spend time in nature and it’s like, woah. I’ve been living in a small world with made up rules.

Ahh yes romance, Namari and Falin kissing after 3 years of not really knowing each other despite seeing each other every day then 2 months of wanting to spend more and more time together until they’re an inseparable duo! Workwives. I want them to stand next to each other during campire time and Namari cracks little jokes and Namari laughs. I want Namari to gift Falin a bug caught in amber and for it to be their wedding/promised to each other thing.

TLDR

Rowdy but levelheaded barbarian x gentle healer that will also cave your face in with a mace I like it…… They’re an interesting duo of mixed stuff. Protection being your purpose and what you’re worth for, literally being a meat shield (Laios, Tansu), finding your individuality recognized and validated through a growing bond with the other. Sticking around as a love language. Also bug immortalized in amber and it being beautiful.

Nevermind this wasn’t short. Um! Anyways.

[joelswritingmistress]

You Scare Me, Professor: Chapter 7

Summary: The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible.

Pairing: Professor Joel Miller x f!reader 

I would never be able to walk into Dr. Miller’s classroom and look at anything the same way again. When Tuesday finally rolled around after a weekend of reliving the most invigorating sexual experience of my life, I couldn't help but walk sheepishly in through the door.

Before I crossed the threshold of the lecture hall I could almost hear my professor’s primal groans that had echoed off the walls of his office the week before - a result of his intense climax as I ‘returned the favor’.

I would have been more anxious and unsure if he hadn't slipped a piece of paper with his cell phone number on it between my cleavage upon our walk to our respective cars that evening. That - and the fact that we had exchanged an overabundance of racy text messages back and forth. The very thought made me blush.

Trevor was up at Dr. Miller's desk when I rounded into the room and I almost snickered from the subtle, annoyed look on his face as he humored his over-enthusiastic student. When his eyes met mine I knew my eyebrows raised and felt a new rush of red form on my cheeks.

He's wearing glasses. Fuck, I was a hot mess.

“We’ll discuss it Trevor,” I heard him say amongst the background chatter in the room, shooing him away like a fly in the most delicate of ways. 

Our eyes locked again as Trevor vacated the area at the head of the room and Dr. Miller sat back in his chair, resting his hands behind his head. The smallest smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth and I smiled to myself as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

That position - his feet widened, the same brown dress shoes, hands behind his head, eyes on mine. Fuck, he was in the same exact posture as he had been in the other night in his office chair. It made my body twitch with satisfaction as I took my seat.

I wanted to focus on the subject matter. I wanted to engage in conversation. I wanted to learn more about the topic Dr. Miller had sent home in the reading the previous week. I simply couldn't concentrate.

I was thankful that he didn't call on me to answer a question. He must've known I wasn't paying attention the way I ordinarily did. My hormones were in overdrive and my typical sound mind was a ticking time bomb of lust.

“Aren't all killers.. bad?” A voice from the crowd asked.

My attention was pulled back to the discussion at hand. The girl on campus. I hadn't even thought about it since the fantasies of my own little world had manifested Thursday night.

Dr. Miller slid back to sit on the edge of his desk and moved his arms out to the sides. “I don't know. What do you think?”

“Well.. yeah.” I spotted the voice coming from a male in a blue baseball hat near the front left side of the room.

“Well,” Dr. Miller went on, “Let's define ‘killer’ first. Is it anyone who has killed another human being - a soldier, someone who has acted in self defense, a drunk driving accident, the man who put the lethal injection into Ted Bundy’s arm.”

A silence fell over the classroom and I began to ponder the question. When I raised my hand Dr. Miller's dimples highlighted a wide, genuine smile. He ran a hand across his trim, salt-and-pepper beard.

“Ms. (Y/LN),” he addressed me and folded his arms across his chest. “What do you think?”

Most of the students had turned their attention on me and so I cleared my throat. “I would say if it was part of a job, like a soldier or the person who is responsible for lethal injections, that it wouldn't make the person a killer per se, or evil in any way.”

“And why do you say that?” Dr. Miller removed his glasses and slipped the end into his mouth. It distracted me for a half-a-second though I quickly went on.

“Well.. I mean.. in some way they're protecting us. They aren't choosing to kill for pleasure, or targeting innocent people. It's not a crime of passion or revenge or pure insanity; or even because the person is a psychopath.”

“So, you would say in this sense killing is.. acceptable?”

I gave a little shrug. “I guess I would.. yeah.”

“They're getting rid of the scum,” the student with the blue hat added.

“Well, what if they got it wrong,” a blonde-haired woman with glasses shouted down from the back. “What if Ted Bundy was innocent and-”

“Ted Bundy wasn't innocent,” blue hat cut her off.

“I meant someone like him,” she shot back in a slightly annoyed tone, “Let's say in theory Ted Bundy never killed anyone. What would you say about the lethal injector now?”

Dr. Miller gave a hearty laugh from the front and nodded in approval as he hopped down off the desk and set his glasses down on top of it. “Now this.. this is what I love. Debates.. critical thinking.. digging a little deeper.”

“I think it all has to do with the reason behind the action,” another student chimed in.

“Yeah but we can't just go around killing people who did terrible things like.. The Purge or something,” the blonde added again.

“How about this?” Dr. Miller took a piece of paper he had on the corner of his desk and crumbled it into a ball. “I had a whole different assignment planned for this week but I like where this is going. I'll send this in an email to everyone more formally, but I'd like you to write up a short paper on your opinion on the questions presented. What defines a killer? Are all people that take a life.. bad?” 

“Do we need sources?” The blond shouted down.

“I'll send out a formal email with the requirements by tomorrow at noon and I'll extend the due date to Friday.” He added, “Though I would like to further this discussion so if you have it done by Thursday's class I'll give some extra credit.”

On that note, the class concluded.

“Trevor, (Y/N),” Dr. Miller called the two of us to his desk as the rest of the class began to exit the room. We both smiled for different reasons.

Maybe a repeat of the other night? I secretly hoped.

Dr. Miller rounded his desk and placed his hands flat on top of it as we both approached.

“I'm glad you attended the office hours Thursday night,” he said, glancing at Trevor first and then holding my gaze for just a second or two longer. “It made for a great discussion today and a new assignment I haven't done with my classes before.”

I took a deep breath and smiled.

“That's all,” he added with a grin, “Just.. keep up the good work.” His eyes shifted toward the door when the last person filtered out and then back to the two of us.

“Thank you, Dr. Miller.” Trevor’s nasally voice was far more tolerable.

“Thank you,” I echoed.

“Alright,” he looked to Trevor, “You can go. I know everyone has a job to get to tomorrow. Go home. Sleep on it. We’ll talk in a few days.”

Much to my surprise Trevor looked at me and smiled, “Good job.”

“Thanks Trevor.” I smiled cordially and watched as he skipped happily away without a thought of whether I was the last one in the classroom or not.

Dr. Miller reached for his glasses and placed them back on. He folded his arms across his chest again and nodded at me with a sense of approval. “You should speak up more, ya know. You could generate some damn good discussions in here.”

“I know. I should, I just-”

“Have some confidence. You've got a lot going for you.”

“Thanks.” I smiled softer now. There was always something about direct compliments that made me uncomfortable.

Yet his hand down your pants didn't make you uncomfortable..

I had to accept that this thing, whatever it was, would never completely make sense. I wasn't making sense. But I was, ultimately, okay with that.

“What're you doing now?” Dr. Miller asked. He ran a hand through his hair. It was short, though it began creeping over the tops of his ears. It suited him.

“I, uh..” my eyes shifted toward the open door and then back to him. “I don't know.”

He gave a laugh, apparently already knowing what I had in mind. “Lots of people are still hanging around the building tonight.” Dr. Miller quickly squashed my idea of an encore though reached into his pocket for his car keys, “You up to go for a ride?”

Of course I was up to go for a ride. When I smiled he scrunched his nose and chuckled. Despite the subtle grays in his hair and some crows feet by his eyes, there was something very boyish in his features. It wasn't often when someone could pull off such an intense sex appeal while being equally adorable. It was all part of Dr. Miller's charm.

“Come on.” He nodded, “I'm going to use the stairs. Go up the elevator, pull your hood up and meet me at my car.”

The sneaky nature of our borderline devious behavior added to my addiction; to my infatuation with my professor and every taboo act we committed together. I agreed without hesitation and felt, again, like I was flying so high as I entered the vacant elevator.

I couldn't wait. Even though it would only be a minute or two before I saw Dr. Miller again I couldn't wait until I was beside him in his passenger seat without a care in the world for where we would end up.

We could have driven five minutes or five hours. I wouldn't have questioned it. There was nowhere else I would rather be.

The cold nipped at my cheeks as I exited the building but it was a welcomed contrast to the heat that had made a permanent home on my face. I exhaled a puff of white air and eyed the lot, immediately spotting the Mercedes amongst the thinned out crowd of vehicles. 

Dr. Miller was waiting there already. He stood beside the car and must've hit a starter on his key ring because the car suddenly roared to life as I approached.

I was waiting for some, ‘come with me if you want to live’ line but he simply smiled and ducked into the driver’s side and so I followed his lead and joined him inside.

“Hungry?” He asked.

“Very.” I smiled. And thirsty.

“There's a good, little place up near Woodstock. Might not be a bad idea to get a little distance from this place.”

Woodstock was at least a forty minute drive. I knew those forty minutes would fly by, and it sounded like a little slice of heaven to be stuck in a car with Dr. Miller for that length of time.. and then back.

“I'm up for the drive if you are.”

He knew I would say yes. Being with Dr. Miller felt free and easy while contradictory, nerve-wracking and tense. I wasn't sure where on the scope of inappropriate our relationship fell but there was a part of me that knew it shouldn't have been happening. Acknowledging that certainly wasn't a deterrent. It was the exact opposite actually.

“So, what are your thoughts on the topic in class?” He asked. “Should everyone who has ever taken a life be branded with the same term?”

I was surprised when our talk began with what was happening within the educational setting, though it pleased me. Dr. Miller was honestly interested in what I had to say. It gave me.. hope.

“No,” I said, shaking my head as he glanced over for a brief second while he drove. “I think sometimes people are forced to act.. like in the self defense example. For others, they do it to protect the rest of us.”

“Like someone in the military.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “Or even the people in charge of those lethal injections.”

Dr. Miller glanced over at me again, staring as long as he could manage safely before looking back out the windshield. “Why don't you elaborate on that?”

“Well.. someone has to do that job. I'm assuming those that do have some kind of thick skin and can handle it. Maybe that makes them just a bit..” I searched for the right word in my head, “..darker than your average Joe but I feel like they have to believe they're doing a good deed by eliminating some truly awful people from the world.. ya know?”

Dr. Miller was tense again. I almost thought something I said might have angered him from the way his hand tightened against the wheel. It was so much so that a squeak edged out from beneath his palm against the leather.

“I'm sorry. I mean.. maybe not.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“You obviously feel differently.”

“I don't,” he stole another quick glance and let out a relieved laugh. “And even if I did you should never apologize for voicing your opinion.”

“Okay.”

“And..  I'm glad you finally put your social media on private,” he added, smirking when I whipped my head in his direction. “I almost wish I hadn't advised you of that.. for my own selfish reasons.”

I laughed lightly now. I loved knowing he thought of me in his private time. The details of how or why didn't matter to me in the least. I was on his mind - at least to some degree.

“What was the original assignment going to be?” I asked him. “The one you crumpled up.”

“Just some generic paper on the topic. This seemed a lot more interesting to me.” He added, “I'm eager to see what you come up with.”

Dr. Miller’s approval was something I craved. For only knowing the man for a short period of time it shouldn't have been like that - at least not to the extent I felt it. 

In the bouts of silence in between our conversations I snuck glances at him as he drove. I had been told over the years that I had a knack for reading people. It was mainly something I did quietly and, most of the time, without judgment. There was something there inside Dr. Miller that made my brain ache for discovery.

The man appeared as cool and calm as he did tense, at times. It didn't make sense. I knew it wasn't just some type of forbidden attraction toward me - though I would have been perfectly okay with that. He could have pulled the car over and taken me right there in the passenger seat and both of us knew I would have happily obliged. There was something else; something bigger.

I toyed with the idea of calling him out on it, not in a disrespectful way; but a part of me wanted to take him off-guard again like I had in the bar the week before. At the same time, I didn't want to say the wrong thing and shatter the night into a thousand pieces for me to pick up. For that reason, I played it safe and kept the tone light - for now.

“Ever been up to the Catskills?” Dr. Miller asked as he took an exit that led down a wooded back road.

“I went skiing a few times up this way,” I told him with a nod, and then added, “Never been to Woodstock, though.”

“Too bad it's dark,” he said, glancing over at me as his blinker led us down another dark road, “There’s a nice view of the mountains down this way.” 

“Have to come back during the day some time.”

“In the fall it's even better.”

The way the two of us conversed felt oddly normal. While my blossoming crush on him left me feeling a bit overwhelmed at times, the communication between the two of us flowed naturally. There wasn't anything that felt forced.

Finally, beyond the arboraceous route that we’d been on since exiting the highway, a quaint downtown street emerged, seemingly out of nowhere. Beyond it I could see the outline of the mountains Dr. Miller was speaking of.

The Mercedes eased into a parking spot on the side of the road where a collection of other vehicles were parked. He turned and looked at me for a second and then motioned to a little restaurant on the corner.

“You know the old saying, ‘you could at least take me to dinner first'?”

I chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah.”

“Well, I'm sorry about doing this backwards.” He smiled and it made me feel content - like something more than just sex was on his mind. I hoped that was the case, because I was already set on jumping in with both feet.

The interior of the place had a warm feel to it. A fire burned in the back corner and gave off a pleasant, cozy aroma immediately as we entered. The wait staff was eager to tend to the two of us and, much to my liking, sat us at a little table not far from the fireplace.

“I can see why you wanted to make the drive up here,” I said to him, taking in the surroundings.

“I live out this way,” Dr. Miller confessed. “About fifteen minutes in the direction back toward Woodbridge.” He glanced up and thanked the waitress as she brought our menus, while offering us a moment to look them over.

“So what is it about a half-an-hour ride to work for you?” I asked, trying to sound casual though the thought of possibly going back to his house made my thoughts spin in circles for a moment.

“More or less.”

I cleared my throat and glanced at the menu, taking a deeper breath than I must have realized because Dr. Miller smirked to himself and his eyes fleetingly landed on mine.

When the waitress returned I ordered the stuffed chicken with roasted potatoes and a glass of red wine. Dr. Miller requested a surf and turf meal, along with three fingers of bourbon. And then his attention was fully on me.

“What are you looking for from this?” He asked point blank, folding his hands.

Shit. The question had caught me off-guard and now I was the one who was disarmed. I knew exactly what I wanted; but I wasn't at all prepared to lay it all on the table. I didn't know what to say.

“I, uh.. I don't know,” I said to him. “I don't even know what this is.” The second part was true. The first part - not so much.

“Well I'm an open book,” Dr. Miller went on, “Talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

I opened my mouth and then shut it again before biting down on my lip as I began to think of a way to word what I was truly feeling. When I failed to respond he spoke again.

“How about if we start with a different question,” he suggested.

Yes.. please. “Okay,” I agreed with a nod, thankful for the opportunity to go in another direction.

“Would you be jealous.. or hurt.. if you thought I was fucking someone else?”

Had my chin just hit the floor? Because I couldn't control the reaction I felt forming on my face. This question wasn't any more subtle.

He's not a subtle man, I reminded myself.

“Would I be..” I began and he finished the sentence that trailed off in my mouth.

“..jealous if you saw me here with someone else.” He toned down the vulgarity in his rephrase of the same question.

“Yes,” I responded honestly. It triggered what felt like a jolt of electricity through my body.

“Were you okay with what happened the other night?”

“Yes.” That one was easier.

“Good,” Dr. Miller replied. His eyes lifted as our drinks were set down in front of us and he reached for his glass. “Now.. I just need to know what you're looking for.”

“What does that mean?” I couldn't even sip my drink though I watched as his lips connected with the short, whiskey glass.

“I think we have a connection,” he told me, keeping the drink between his hands now. Dr. Miller swirled the glass and glanced down at the liquid as he did. “And it makes me want to get to know you a whole lot better.” His eyes burned into mine now, “You have something that I want.”

I swallowed extra hard and looked at him, shaking my head. “What do you mean?” Did he mean sexually? Emotionally? Did he think I stole his family’s fortune? It was such a vague, obscure statement.

“I want you,” he said now.

In the midst of the honesty that he was bestowing upon me, however confusing, I blurted out my truth. “I want to be with you. I want to try having a relationship. Not just.. something casual.”

It was me who was hiding behind my wine glass now. There. I had said it. Is that what Dr. Miller wanted too? Could I even be with a man who I couldn't even address by his first name?

The lie detector in him was out in full force. I could tell. His eyes shifted to every part of me he could see as if he was, quite literally, reading me like a book.

“Why?” He asked me.

“Because I feel it too,” I told him. “The connection. I felt it the first time we spoke that time after class. I felt it at The Library. I feel it now.”

Dr. Miller's hand abruptly reached out and latched onto my wrist with a force that made me jump. He pulled his hand back immediately and then looked at me in a way that made me shudder. It was almost as if the man I had just been speaking with was replaced by a dark replica.

“I'm sorry,” he sighed and sipped his drink before composing himself enough to address me again. His first question had me confused.. again. “How many sick days have you accrued this year?”

“Huh?”

“Sick days.” His voice was slightly impatient now.

“I, uh.. I don't know. I took one day in the fall when I didn't feel good-”

“Whatever app or website your school system uses, take a sick day.”

“I, uh.. what?” I was fumbling on my words. I knew Dr. Miller was becoming frustrated but his delivery wasn't at all making sense. I was trying to read between the lines, or connect the dots, but I felt like I was lost in a puzzle.

The tables had turned. I noticed a shake in his hand as he lifted the bourbon glass to his lips. Only I knew it wasn't nerves. He was angry.. or so I thought. 

“I'm sorry,” I said immediately. “I don't know what you want me to do.”

He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I want you to take a sick day tomorrow.” He added, “If you don't mind.”

“Okay.” I blindly agreed. His demand had purpose. I was sure of that. I even had a haunch as to why he had hit me with such an adamant request - one that was lined with emotion and angst from the inside out. 

“I'm sorry,” he apologized now, “I'm not trying to control you.”

“Yes you are,” I shot back immediately, prompting his eyes to lift and meet mine with a hint of surprise. “And I'm okay with that.”

When Dr. Miller's hand grabbed mine this time I didn't jump. His grip was just a little too tight, his eyes a little too.. savage. Still, I felt this unmatchable attraction as he looked at me in a way that I imagined the Big Bad Wolf might look at Little Red Riding Hood. There was a part of me that felt afraid, though at that moment I knew the intensity of his feelings matched mine.

I had sought him out in our days apart. I had driven around town in search of his car. I had entered his name in every search engine I could think of. I had looked at the handwritten phone number he had so lewdly slipped in my bra the night after our on-campus rendezvous. I was just as crazy as he was.

“Call out sick,” he demanded more adamantly now. “Take out your phone and send it in to your school.”

I did as he demanded. I put in for my second sick day that year and I could only imagine the punishing prize that was in store for me for obeying such a request.

When I clicked on the ‘submit’ button my eyes lifted to meet his. “Done.” I knew why, but I wanted to hear it from his lips. “Can you tell me why you wanted me to do that so badly?”

“Because..” His nostrils flared. His jaw clenched. His hand tightened around the glass of bourbon. “We’re going back to my house tonight.” 

Dr. Miller wasn't asking for permission. He was giving me an order. The second order of what I hoped was a laundry list of more. I didn't care if it was twisted or weird or wrong. I didn't care what anyone in the world might think if they knew. All I cared about, right then, was that he wanted me in the same animalistic way that I wanted him. We were on the same page in the same book.. and I couldn't wait to get to the next chapter.

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

@untamedheart81 @suttonspuds @cesspitoflove @michilandcof @amyispxnk @grogusmum @morallyinept @akah565 @brittmb115

[moonesaiky]

Good morning!! Anon coward here back with more ✨️ haha

You've mentioned Ford and Stanley being "fatherly" in their own ways, and before that Will takes a more "motherly" role. Basically the ask is details, and what are the twin's attitude towards all this? 👀

Hello again lovely Anom! 🌺 As a reward for being so kind and bringing such nice questions for me to answer, here's a bouquet of flowers!

This is a fun question, but first let's explain more about why Will is such a “motherly” figure:

I study psychology, and the concept of mother is much more complex for theorists than just “a woman who gives birth to a baby”. What makes me love the concept of the “breast” is how anyone can be a mother figure if given: Food, warmth and support, and that's what Will did, he looked after the Twins babies.

The fact that Will didn't exactly want to take care of the Twins in the beginning, being forced to because Ford didn't want to do manual labor, and Stanley was afraid of doing something wrong, so, GREAT IDEA, let's leave the 8-month-old babies to an INTERDIMENSIONAL DEMON.

In a way, it worked…. Will ended up getting attached to the twins and really seeing them as offspring

So, unlike the general idea of Reverse Falls, the twins actually really respect Will because they really see him as a “mother”, even though he's still seen as a butler. It's complicated, and that comes now from Ford.

Ford was always there, not in an affectionate way, but he was always there at Will's side watching and managing what Will did. He was more active when the twins started talking and walking, following them around and judging them, teaching them words and how to act, and as Ford is an ignorant and arrogant, the twins kind of copied that. But when the twins treated Will the way Ford did, he got angry and threw a serious tantrum (he's a terrible person).

Despite everything, Ford was always admired by the twins, always following him around and trying to please him, like a little competition between brothers to be the favorite son. And Ford only encouraged that rivalry, embittered by his relationship with Stanley.

Speaking of Stanley, let's find out more about him!

Stanley is much more of an “uncle-father” than a “father” per se, since he wasn't there when they were babies. He's like the fun responsible one but still a lot a father figure. When Mason and Mabel entered pre-adolescence Ford and Will left them to deal with the portal and plans, and Stanley decided to pull them into the Tent to help with the work and well, they have a lot of fun doing it, so it's closer to the twins.

But the Twins already had their personalities formed, Mabel being a mini Ford, arrogant, greedy and self-centered, but still able to be sweet and enjoy fun things like sequins and sewing.

Mason, on the other hand, had more of Will's personality, being stubborn, not liking the public very much and being more sentimental. He regulates the risky situations that Mabel gets herself into. But he's still a curious and fair-minded boy, who just wants to be something bigger.

Together with Stanley's apprenticeship, they've become quite manipulative and con artists, although they've also learned more about being friendly and sociable. In other words, I've taken great care in this family relationship of the Gleefuls so that it fits in with what they've seen and learned/taught, I hope you like it!

[hauntingofhouses]

I was wondering, what do u think Taigen reaction to finding out about Mizu being a woman will be? Although I don’t think he will have a bad reaction I wanted to know what u thought about it?

OOH I like this question because the thoughts on this have been swirling around in my brain for a while and I don't think I ever properly talked about this, outside of maybe this post (which is barely coherent imo). There, I compared Mizu/Taigen to Mizu/Mikio, as well as to the main romantic couple in the movie Yentl. Then from both those comparisons, I tried to speculate on Taigen's reaction to Mizu's gender reveal, based on what would make the most narrative sense.

However, I didn't really analyse Taigen himself in that post, and neither did I ever come up with a concrete conclusion to what his reaction may be. So this ask gives me a good chance to speculate even further and hopefully come up with a proper and more in-depth answer.

Similar to you, anon, I don't think Taigen will have a bad reaction per se, though I guess it depends on what you'd define by bad.

Because this is Taigen we're talking about, I don't think he'd exactly be chill about it. He's very much a drama queen, especially around Mizu, as he's never afraid of stepping on her toes, and thus will vocalise his feelings to her whenever he's feeling them. That, combined with his short temper and his brashness, means that there's almost certainly going to be conflict when he finds out the truth. He will be shocked, and because he's immature, he'll be angry and upset because of this shock. Simply because he doesn't know, and hasn't yet learned, how to deal with his emotions in any other way besides getting angry.

So I think that will definitely be his first instinct. To get upset.

I don't think he'd immediately know why he's upset. Maybe only after a few minutes of angry questioning (think something along the lines of "Why are you telling me this now?!" and "You've been hiding this all this time?!"), he'd finally come up with some tangible cause for his anger.

What would the cause for his anger be then? Well, it could be several things.

Possible Reason #1

He feels "betrayed" because Mizu didn't trust him enough with the truth even after the two have grown close, and after Taigen has put his life on the line for her numerous times.

Possible Reason #2

He feels "cheated" because Mizu is not the man he'd believed she was, thus making it feel like their entire friendship was a sham. This is because the basis for their relationship, in the way he'd related to her, bullied her, envied her, admired her, allied himself with her, and eventually grown attracted to her, had been entirely based off the premise and belief that Mizu is his fellow man, his peer, comrade, and fellow samurai. Thus, discovering that Mizu is not a man would, initially, feel like all of that has been ripped away from him. And this is actually related to the third possible reason.

Possible Reason #3

This is a big one, and the reason everyone, including myself, is putting their bets on: misogyny.

Essentially, Taigen would find out that this whole time, the person he'd been envious of and struggling to beat in every single fight, is not a man, but a woman. And as far as he knows, even if women in feudal Japan could once be warriors (see: the Onna-musha), perceptions have since changed by the time of the Edo period. Furthermore, even if women could fight, men were still expected to be stronger, because men are supposed to protect women.

However, I believe that Taigen's particular flavour of misogyny is a little different, in that he does not view women as "inferior." Because remember, his fiancee was Akemi. This was a woman who took no shits! She was snarky and playful and intelligent, and moreover she was a princess, superior to him in every way, and he knew and respected all of that, and respected her as an individual who could make her own choices. When she'd told him the news of their engagement, Taigen asked her, "He's [your father] sure? You're sure?" And then, when she tried to seduce him in Ep 2, he asked her, "Akemi, are you sure?"

His respect for her is the only reason why Akemi had been so desperate to marry him in the first place. She did not love him, but knew he would be good to her. Because she could not guarantee that any other man would treat her nicely as he would.

Thus, with that being said, I don't think Taigen is some "alpha male dudebro" who thinks women belong in the kitchen etc. Instead, I think Taigen simply believes women are just... different from men. So it's not that women can't or shouldn't fight, it's that they just don't. It's not that women can't or shouldn't be friends with men on equal footing, it's just that they aren't. You get what I'm saying?

It's like, imagine your whole life, you're told, and fully led to believe, that a lamp can't light up. They're just meant to be in your house as decoration. And then suddenly, you find out that your lamp lights up! And you're like, "OMG a lamp is lighting up! How is it doing that?! I thought light only comes from candles and the sun! This can't be right, I thought lamps never light up! Isn't that a fundamental part of their design?"

Now, put aside that this is a pretty bad analogy because it's 1am as I'm writing this and I can't think of a better one atm, but I hope the point comes across, in that this is clear-cut misogyny (I'm comparing women to a piece of furniture here on purpose), but the lucky thing about this particular flavour of misogyny is that it's rooted in ignorance, and is not inherently malicious. It can be, but it isn't necessarily.

Ignorance can be undone through learning and educating oneself. And luckily for us, my friends, educating oneself out of ignorance is the entire point of Taigen's character! He represents the uneducated masses who blindly follow the flow of the fucked up system. This is in contrast to Mizu who has never had a place within the system to begin with, Akemi who has spent her whole life struggling to go against the grain of the system, and Ringo who has always tried to follow the system, but due to his disability, is denied full access to it.

Thus, we've already seen him take the first steps to unlearn his xenophobic and racial prejudice, and we've also seen him start shedding his massive ego and desire for glory, which are both used to mask his own insecurities. If Netflix gives us all 4 planned seasons, then we have 3 more seasons for Taigen to fully grow out these backwards mindsets and finally reach his full potential to become—not a good man—but a great one.

THEREFORE, whatever the reason for his upset at discovering Mizu's gender, I firmly believe that Taigen will get over himself in the end, regardless of whether his anger stemmed from his misogyny, hurt, confusion, or whatever else.

Because Taigen's short temper and emotional immaturity is born from him spending his whole life on the move. Unlike Mizu, who is always alone with her thoughts and meditates constantly to try to cleanse herself of her restless emotions, Taigen is used to surrounding himself with people (see:him in the Shindo Dojo) and ignoring his emotions completely (see:him trying to forget Kohama). Which is why, when he does feel anything, it's overwhelming, and he doesn't know what else to do with it except let it out, usually in an angry outburst. Only when given the proper chance to reflect in Kohama in Ep7, does Taigen finally go through some substantial growth and start feeling remorse over how he'd treated Mizu.

Hence, I suspect something similar will happen when he discovers Mizu's gender, in which he will get upset and shocked and confused first, but then he'll reflect and regret and try to make up for his past behaviour.

And this is what I meant earlier when I said that I don't think he'll 't have a "bad reaction."

Essentially, it is my belief that his reaction will not follow in the footsteps of Mikio's, but instead, directly oppose and subvert that. This is related to the points I referenced in the post I linked above, but also, more importantly, because Taigen and Mikio are narrative foils.

Thus, where Mikio had betrayed Mizu and left her for dead, I believe Taigen will, at the end of the day, remain loyal and continue to fight by her side until the very end.

Because the thing about Taigen, as a person, outside of all the attitudes and prejudices that have been ingrained into him, is his relentless devotion. He gives himself into everything he does, puts in his all, and does not do things halfway. That's what makes him such a good soldier. He does not lead, but follows. He is inherently self-sacrificing and driven by a desire to protect, and we see this in how protective he is of Mizu to the point of enduring torture for her and telling her to use him as a human shield; how his first instinct upon hearing Akemi had been dragged off to get married against her will, is to get up and try to go to her; and how, when hearing the shogunate is in danger, he immediately goes straight to Edo palace to try to warn the shogun, even if it might get him killed in the process.

I could go on about why I think this is what makes him so good for Mizu (because Mizu's arc, especially in Season 1, is literally about accepting help and opening herself up to others) but this post is already atrociously long, so I'll just leave it at that.

So, anon, I hope I answered your question! I'm sorry I can never give short answers though, but I think at this point, it's to be expected from me lol. Thank you for the ask btw! And on that note, my inbox is always open for more 👀

[bubblesxo]

(harvey bullock in the batfam)

okay, so this post is to elaborate on something i was talking about in tags the other day etc. etc.

so basically, my whole point was that bruce is a little chaos gremlin. he has so many bad habits and does so many illegal activities completely nonchalantly that it sometimes can make people question his mental state.

of course, this all originated from his childhood and the way that he was raised. we know from the gotham tv (which this post is specific to) that bruce was close with his parents, though his father did have secrets that eventually killed him. nevertheless, bruce was raised well for the first 12 years of his life. very well, in fact. he was rich, he had a butler and two loving parents---he had a good life.

and then his parents were shot in front of him.

12 years old and bruce is reborn. bruce after isn't the same person as bruce before. after the shooting, bruce has a purpose and a meaning to life. he knows what he needs to do---protect gotham and her people. make a difference. (though i won't get too ahead of myself.)

it starts out small. thomas wayne (bruce's dad) made alfred promise to never bring bruce to a psychologist if he and his wife were killed. alfred kept this promise and never did, even though that was definitely what bruce needed at the time.

bruce coped badly, especially at first. he had no appetite and stopped eating. he started burning himself, cutting himself, and holding his breath underwater so he could "test himself" and "overcome fear" (which is actually a recurring theme in the show). he went to the roof of his house and stood on the ledge to make himself not fear heights.

it was obvious then that bruce needed help, but he didn't get it. instead, he got alfred (who i love!!). however, just because i love alfred doesn't mean i can't acknowledge that he is one of the main reasons bruce ended up the way he did.

it's no secret that bruce is a little messed up. we all know that, right? anyway, alfred did a lot of crazy stuff in his time taking care of bruce, which is understandable, because he wasn't expecting to one day be going about his day and suddenly find himself a single father. he was definitely going through it with guilt and despair after his bosses were killed. didn't help that he had to find a way to care for their son.

anyway, alfred is also a bit odd. he has a strong opinion on what it means to be strong and also a strong opinion on bruce being safe. once, bruce sprained his ankle hiking and alfred let him crawl up a hill for half an hour. however, he followed that up with honoring one of bruce's prized family traditions. alfred frequently was a bit rough when teaching bruce to fight, which, admittedly, bruce didn't seem to mind, but he once did punch bruce in the nose after purposefully distracting him to make a point about him not being ready.

i don't think learning to fight is harmful, of course. i just think that the way those two went about it was... interesting. and pretty cool. they have a great bond and i love that for him.

anyway, alfred never pushed back against him. thomas also told alfred to let bruce choose his own path like all waynes did, which is why bruce has way too much control over his own life way too early. (again, not blaming alfred per se. the man was grieving and following the order to the letter.)

this led to bruce doing more and more reckless things over time and learning way too much for his age. his gets involved in vigilatism around the age of 15 (i do believe? my timeline there is fuzzy) and, while alfred makes his disapproval known, he doesn't stop him.

alfred teaches bruce that he needs to be strong. he teaches him to always expect the worst. he teaches him to always be on guard and to never give up when facing opposition. these are not necessarily bad things.

then, there's jim gordon. jim was the first person to really talk to bruce after his parents were killed, and he promises bruce that he'll find the man who was responsible. over time as this is revealed to be much more complicated than expected, jim does not grow apart from the family. if anything, it just seems to make them all closer togehter. their lives are completely linked.

now, when jim talks, he has the crazy ability to make persuasive speeches. it's one of his things, a motif of his in the show---he always gives speeches, especially when motivating people. now, as a kid, freshly orphaned, bruce needed motivation. jim tells bruce a lot of things that could be misinterpreted and come back to hurt him. he also, however, draws him in closer to the mess that is gotham and it's crime world. this encouragement only makes bruce more determined to get involve over time.

now, i made a post saying that these two basically coparented bruce, and i stand by this. alfred did all of the day-to-day stuff and helped really form bruce as a person, but jim was the one who really imparted his morals and hope on bruce.

jim taught bruce that everyone can be redeemed, and anyone can be saved. just like batman believes.

jim and bruce talk about darker and more complicated things as time passes. for example, they once talked about how you sometimes need to let go of your own pride in order to take care of other people (which ended up with a lot of bad results)

this leads to jim killing someone and bruce's brain being changed. he gets most of his morals from jim most likely, and jim is not necessarily particularly "good" often. he violates police procedure and the law frequently to help people.

now, jim's partner is harvey bullock. while he and bruce aren't the closest in the canon material for the show, they did have a few notable interactions and i believe that we can really extrapolate here.

before, i said that harvey would freak out at the realization that he's old. i stand by this. however, harvey also knows that he's getting older and will eventually need to leave the force in jim's hands.

harvey is a very blunt man. he knows how to lie but he doesn't really ever do so unless his life depended on it. when he talks to bruce, the two of them really click. despite harvey having committed so many crimes and broken many, many departmental policies, it is shown that he is still a good man deep down.

harvey tells bruce stories all the time. he talks to him about the legal AND illegal things that he has done both on and off the job, and bruce picks up on way too many of him. he gets /ideas/. he has the money, after all. he can learn how to do that stuff.

bruce really just wants to make life better for the others tbh. that's like his life goal. harvey basically teaches bruce how to emulate the more gritty parts of batman---torture in interrogation, breaking and entering, gathering information, how to break the law without getting caught, etc. etc. of course, some of his terms really rub off on bruce.

i'm imagining bruce calling someone "putz" as an insult. it's just so funny to me

i was falling asleep while writing this so i'm gonna snooze now and maybe add more later bcuz that was a bit lacking in harvey sorry!!

[eybefioro]

Weekly fic rec, by yours truly...

The wind stills ruffles our hair, still shakes the leaves of the trees. The world keeps on spinning. People still walk on the streets, still keep on their routines. We share old stories, old photographs, old memories. We offer each other a hug, even if it can only do as much as wave the cold away. Sometimes, that warmth is what we need to sooth the aching lump in our throats. Sometimes, it just makes it hurt more, but we need it all the same.

I was living my life like normal, until I saw this post. I wasn't prepared to have the ground shattering beneath my feet.

The Ordinary World, by Anti_kate

Rated E, ~24,8k words

My tags: intense, cathartic, beautiful

Summary:

He couldn’t quite remember what Aziraphale smelled like anymore, the particular combination of fresh bread and sea salt and cedarwood, the caramelized sugar of crème brûlée. But even though he couldn’t remember the scent precisely, he knew the bookshop didn’t smell right. It didn’t smell like Aziraphale. It was as if he’d never been there at all. Aziraphale disappears the night of the bookshop fire, and Crowley is left alone and grieving. But death is not always the end.

Hm. This fic spoke to me in such a level. Cut me deep and dissected my feelings in such a way that I didn't expect -- so I'm sorry in advance. This will get a bit personal, and I don't know to which extent everyone can relate to this story, and to which extent is me projecting my own experiences.

So, this can be a particular experience of mine, but I don't see many stories dealing with grief. In the movies, TV shows, books, etc. that I've watched and read, it's an uncommon theme. I find that interesting because even if it is different for everybody (and if every time it hits differently), everyone experiences grief. In the same way that everyone dies, everyone also feels the pain of grief.

We see characters dying and characters suffering for it, but the grief per se is uncommon. And I think that's because it happens a lot in one's head, it's not a linear process, it's complex and painful, and it's never the same. It doesn't even end. We never really stop mourning. We go through our days, and the grief is with us. We work, and it sits by our side. We laugh, and it warps its arms around our shoulders. We cry, and it constrict our voices. We eat, and half of it goes to its belly. We walk, and its weight slows us down. We learn to live with it, we grow around it, but that hollowness is always there, never fulfilled again.

And this story taps into that so well (for me, at least). It describes so well the sense of loss, the sense of emptiness, the absence that lingers. How everything hurts, how it feels for the world to end, and nothing changing. For it to end and people still being the same, doing the same things. For it to end, and for you to confront the fact that it means nothing, really; you still, somehow, have to keep going, you, somehow, are still alive. The world ended, nothing changed, and you still have to breathe.

All that is left is your memories, and they aren't even the same anymore. You can't exactly remember them, but your body does. You get assaulted by them. You get haunted by the ghosts of the people you lost -- you can hear their voices on the back of your mind, you can feel them on their words, on the things they owned, on the things they did. You listen to a song and BAM! there is their ghost singing those lyrics, hoping to that rhythm, a memory that you didn't know you still had. Their ghosts haunt you. But they're gone. They don't exist anymore, only being alive in the past; only still in the memories, in memories that, more often than not, will die with you and cease to exist when all that's left of you is the memories on other people's heads.

We see Crowley go through that. We see him hurting like we (maybe *I*, lol) hurt. We see his suffering upon losing Aziraphale, and how he hurts himself trying to stop hurting, and unfortunately, the hurt is inescapable. He sacrifices a lot to get answers, to try to get close to Aziraphale again -- and what wouldn't I sacrifice only to be able to hug the people I lost ome more time...

But the good news is that he can get Aziraphale back. And he does. The plot is amazing. The descriptions of how he does that and the twists are amazing. This fic is so poetic, and the ending is so beautiful. Reading Crowley getting Aziraphale back was incredible, especially after seeing (experiencing, really) the hurt.

I love how the author wrote this story, their prose is beautiful. Haunting. I loved every bit, and I felt so seen, hugged by Crowley's hurt; he getting back something that I will never be able to was great. It comforted me a lot, even if it hurt (and it did hurt a lot lol I still have a lump on my throat and did cry yesterday because of it, but it was a good type of cry. One that makes you feel good after).

This fic made me feel a lot, and I'm so grateful for it (@antikate I'm sorry for tagging you I just want you to know that I loved your fic so much, and I for sure wasn't able to get that across by my comments there. Rhank you so much for this story) It's so beautiful and... aaa alright time to end this rec. I babbled a lot and said almost nothing, I feel like. Just go read it (not for everyone, I know, but yet...).

This fic is like drinking a too-sweet beverage to try to swallow a too-bitter med. Like making popcorn when you feel sad, because that's what they did when they felt sad.Like keep on living and laughing, because they would like you to.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I wanted to give my own quick interpretation of the scene where Atsushi... imagines? hallucinates? all those people while conflicted over what to do in the most recent chapter, because idk I haven't seen people talk about it that much?

See, the whole conflict with Atsushi in this arc is that he's replaced the constant demeaning of the orphanage director in his head with encouragement from his mentor, and he can control the tiger, and he supports the people around him... but Kunikida makes a point of saying (before everything went to shit) that while Atsushi's tiger is strong, he himself is still weak.

I don't think this has to do with Atsushi's character per se. I think it more so has to do with his still very simplistic views on people or the world - things are very black and white, good or bad. And when faced with a problem without a simple solution, Atsushi's unfortunate tendency is still to freeze up. This is not surprising - he may be 18, but he's a very... how do I put this... a very young 18. He hasn't had anyone teach him these things or guide him. He very much craves support and encouragement from others. He likely also didn't see much of the world outside the orphanage before he was kicked out either. And let's not forget how absolutely shot his self-esteem is. The fact that Atsushi functions and believes in the best in people as well as he does is testament to how kind-hearted and resilient of a person he is.

But here's the problem: Atsushi's self-confidence hasn't done much developing.

What Atsushi has learned throughout the story is how incredible the Agency as a whole is, and as he grows to learn and care about them and realize that he has been given a place to belong, he grows to support them in turn; pulls his weight in a number of increasingly badass ways (he caught a bullet with his teeth. GODDAMN). But all that confidence goes away the moment he is left alone. Atsushi has confidence in his own strength in a group - and only in a group.

Unfortunately, the Agency, though I believe well-intentioned, kind of enables this mentality in him. We see Ranpo, Kunikida and Kyouka in turn, who echo things they have said and would say to this situation.

"Don't you even know that?" Ranpo would ask this, rhetorically, and then solve it himself. Atsushi would not have time to come up with an answer of his own.

"Failure is unacceptable." Kunikida would say this and then act, no matter what. Atsushi would be left to follow what he does.

"You don't have to do anything." Kyouka would protect him. Atsushi wouldn't have to do anything because she would grab his arm and take over from there.

See what's happening here? These are no longer demeaning words from the headmaster (in fact, I want to reiterate that I believe they are all well-intentioned), but they still insinuate that Atsushi is incapable on his own. And indeed it's interesting that Atsushi sees these "visions" of Dazai guiding him all throughout the hunting dogs, sky casino and decay of angels arcs. I, for one, think this is just Atsushi's imagination and not a real vision (unless we get some evidence to the contrary in the future) but for now, it implies that Atsushi's self-confidence is still so abysmal that he has to imagine someone giving him advice and advising him on what to do - instead of being able to consciously admit these ideas are his own.

And then Fitzgerald shows up - "No one expects anything from you." Looming over him, a symbol of power and status over the panicked, conflicted form of a boy who feels eternally powerless without support.

And then it gets interesting.

Akutagawa shows up in Atsushi's mind, for the first time in a guiding role, not a demeaning one. And there's a definite reason for this - when Atsushi was all alone, when he admitted to himself he had no idea what to do and was terrified to be left to fight with no one else with him - who showed up?

Akutagawa. Akutagawa, who in spite of everything, fought by his side and was reliable. And the thing is, Akutagawa cannot take over, not in their kind of plans, or they just won't work. They have to work together. They have to be equals. And on some level, I think this part shows Atsushi's realization of the rather surprising amount of trust Akutagawa had to have placed in him - and him alone. I find it rather heartbreaking that Atsushi appears to have just now started to realize this after their plan failed due to a lack of trust (mostly on his side I'd say) and Akutagawa died.

So, Atsushi receives guidance from Akutagawa, and of course, from Dazai, the person he is extremely grateful for as a mentor. They don't tell him what to do. But still, Atsushi is guided into looking - "get out of your head" and moving - "the door is right there - do something about it". These "visions" still spur Atsushi into action, but the action itself? It's Atsushi's alone.

Atsushi still needs to justify his actions by imagining others giving him support, but this is definite progress for him restoring a sense of personal... agency (see what I did there?) within himself.

And yes, his eventual course of action is to find Fukuzawa and have him make the final decision on the matter - but really now, he's just been told something that apparently has Teruko (who I am certain is older than much of the cast and likely a former soldier from the war) drained and tired and seemingly conflicted herself - this isn't really the kind of issue you want to be deciding on all by yourself. Also, admitting you don't know what to do but moving forwards anyways to actively ask for advice or help is very much still making a decision and moving forward. Actively asking someone what they think about a complex situation is very different from being passive while others take control around you.

Atsushi made the decision to walk out that door into uncertainty. And I am convinced he's going to have to pick a course of action anyways - as of right now, Fukuzawa is out of commission, as are Dazai, Akutagawa, Ranpo and Kunikida (we don't know where Kyouka is yet).

It's been a long time coming, but this is serious progress for his character.

[orchidbreezefc]

edgar woe.begone: low empathy, high masking

THESIS: my reading of edgar woe.begone is that he's a low empathy autistic who has no innate intuition for social cues and has had to teach himself everything about social interaction from scratch, which is an interpretation that i think explains a lot about him.

now, i am very critical of edgar as a person. i think he's a less than good person and a bad boyfriend. but let me be VERY clear right off the bat: these symptoms don't make anyone a bad person. these symptoms aren't even bad per se. theyre all disabling symptoms that make social interaction more difficult for the person who has them. like any symptom, they have to be managed and compensated for.

some people under the neurodivergent/mentally ill umbrella, as with any group of people, are bad people. being a bad person flavors one's approach to their mental illness, and mental illness in turn flavors the manner in which they're a bad person. the mental illness isn't what makes you bad, but it does affect how your shittiness manifests.

disclaimers done, a good place to start is the way edgar speaks, especially with jeremy's performance. edgar always sounds very reasonable, approachable, and agreeable, and there is never an ounce of genuine emotion in his voice. he talks like an autistic person with zero innate intuition for social interaction who has taught himself to speak in the way that he's learned will get the best response.

edgar's customer service voice is the only one we hear and likely the only one he uses if he can help it. we know edgar's a tactician, a persuader. why use any other voice than the one he's carefully fine-tuned to make people like him and be receptive to what he's saying? this isn't even necessarily cynical: what do you want him to do, talk in a more uncontrolled, emotional way--that he's not used to managing--that will make people like him less?? what good would that do?

edgar likes control. he's more comfortable when things are in his hands, and only his. propagation definitely factors in here--if [link: my theory] that propagation is what solidified the certainty of edgar's death is true, it's no wonder he wants to control and limit the spread of information. edgar prefers to be in charge of making the plans, ideally alone.

this is part of why mike is perpetually out of the loop, even regarding decisions that concern him--which is pretty damn paternalistic. but there's a more wholesome aspect as well: edgar genuinely thinks he's doing mike a favor.

edgar knows mike has undergone and is undergoing a lot, and that he's terrible with plans and a major blabbermouth. if edgar can take care of a problem without mike having to worry his pretty head and perfect eyebrows about what to do, without knowing it ever existed, isn't that so much better? that's edgar being a good boyfriend, actually. he's helping!

it probably doesn't even occur to edgar how much this limits mike's agency, how much it hurts mike that edgar refuses to let him in, how this puts them on unequal footing, how fucking patronizing it is to not let your boyfriend make his own decisions about his own life. oh, how the tables have tabled since him originally telling mike that keeping the story of woe.begone from him didn't protect him, it impeded his ability to make informed choices.

here's where the low empathy creates problems--edgar doesn't have that innate intuition for how mike's feeling, and he doesn't (effectively) manage or compensate for it, and he definitely doesn't communicate with mike enough to know how he's affected by this shit (avoiding too much information sharing is good, remember?)

and mike certainly isn't going to tell him! mike is a goddamn simp. he's not going to establish boundaries. he's not going to put his foot down and demand better treatment. as if he fucking deserves that in the first place, pshaw. the only time he pushes back is in season 10 when he doesn't remember their relationship, and edgar is deeply shaken.

edgar is devastated to learn he hurt mikey, because he does genuinely adore that man. he would get lasso lessons from michael and rope him the moon if he could. his low empathy and efforts to manage everything himself keep him from realizing that mikey, a hyperempathetic mess who gets sentimental about pens, seriously suffers from being shut out like this.

edgar's thought process must be equally inscrutable to mikey, who just figures it would be asking too much to be an active and equal participant in his own relationship and life. edgar's perfect and great, so if mikey deserved that, he would already be giving it to him. if mikey's unhappy with any part of their relationship, no he isn't. he's lucky he has edgar at all. he's lucky he has anyone.

recall michael's agonized admission that "everything is about rugby, dammit" 10(++++) years and edgar's literal death later. we can only guess at how bad his rugby was, but we do know michael never talked it through with edgar. he tells mike this was him 'letting it go' actually, when the fact that theyre having this conversation at all is proof that he extremely hasn't. this is what 'letting it go' looks like to michael: burying an issue forever and giving up on ever getting closure.

so yes, edgar does authentically deeply love his mikey-bear. unfortunately, if you never establish the communication to bridge the differences between your own methods of operating and that of your partner, love will only get you so far. and the first time around, where it got them was michael fighting back tears in an apartment in latvia over a wound from edgar that he suffered in silence until the day he died.