#well not really endings but yknow what i mean

[askthefamous8]

Even if I haven't been very active lately, 9 years is still pretty significant- happy birthday to the blog!

So like Percy up there I'm gonna do so dome reflecting. This blog's where I've often done that for some reason, but here's the tl'dr for blog related stuff.

• I would like to keep drawing stuff but feeling generally unsure in myself, and I'm wondering if all the years of fandom harrassment have caught up with me • I have one big project in mind, I've been dipping my toe into what I'd need to do it. No spoilers but it was one of the first things I played around with this series, so do with that what you will • If I can keep myself drawing, I want to use more of the original source material since I'm struggling with original ideas. So stuff like redraws, hOpEfULlY even animatics, just like what originally got me so into trains yknow? Because that's fun and sparks joy. And that always goes down a treat with you guys so bonus • As always I appreciate you guys not coming after me for being so inconsistent

The rest of this is me doing what Percy's doing in the drawing and reflecting, as there is indeed much 2 think about. It's also a little sad and venty so, there's your warning there.

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Ok so obviously a busy year, we moved into our new house that we actually own, I spent most of the year planning our wedding, and then got married. Big stuff. Also! I came off antidepressants in the summer. I've been on them for...basically as long as this blog, 6 months after I started it I think. Which also means I'd been on antidepressants my entire adult life. Feels like a big deal and I guess I'm still adjusting.

Another big thing, but sad, is that my dog died about two weeks ago. If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen her but she did make an appearance here a few Halloweens ago

I got her when she was 13 and had her 8 years after that. So that's been difficult. Unrelated to that (probably), but I just feel...really mediocre. And before you point out the obvious, this has been present even before I came off antidepressants. But yeah just... mediocrity. In myself as a person, how I look, what I draw, my whole life really (barring my marriage thankfully). What have I achieved? I'm 26, I'm not working, I don't feel well, my art isn't good (I don't think so anyway- like yeah it's technically fine I guess but it's not, and has never been, very stand-out or impressive). And lately art doesn't bring me the same joy it once did, and I'm wondering if all the years of harrassment from this fandom (mostly the twitter side, tumblr's been pretty good to me) has finally caught up with me and put me off the whole thing. Or worse, that I just don't have as much of an interest in it anymore. I don't think I'll ever be like "ok yep I'm officially done with this blog" because I'm so stubborn but idk. I want to make things and be creative, I want to make more train art, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't know what's wrong. What do you listen to? What you want vs what you feel? I still enjoy train stuff, I love going to Awdry Ex every year. It's been like this for awhile. It's not even like I have a strong feeling of what I'd rather be doing as far as careers go. And even if I did, oh yeah I'm sure my two degrees in animation will be very relevant in another field (sarcasm). I feel adrift. My sails are open but there is just no wind. Planning my wedding gave me something to do and work on and just, feel useful but now that that's over I feel lost again. Losing my dog, who had become the center of my life because of how vulnerable she had become, hasn't helped.

On the more creative side of things, I also don't really know what to do with this blog's story either. The show's ended as far as most people are concerned, and I kiiinda wrote myself into a corner because once Thomas turns 18 he's going to leave for university, and that sets off this whole arc with James but basically the problem is it involves characters leaving and for some reason that feels like a no-no here. Don't get me started on the timeline lol. But Thomas works on a railway on Sodor, that's how it has to be...right? I guess I'm sort of at a crossroads of, ok do I want this to be close to the source material, and thus easily digestible to newcombers? Or do I want to make it more and more my thing and distanced from the source material? I doubt there's many new people coming since the series ended. And even then, there's a lot more humanization artists around now than when I started, so it's not like I'm filling a niche anymore. Just to be clear it's fine and also good that there's more humanization artists, variety is good, I just don't feel as "needed" anymore (which is 100% in my head and not an actual role that belongs to me or something). I started this blog when I was 17, so my interests and what I relate to have changed obviously. The character designs certainly have. It's never followed a super rigid story plan, but the core of it has always been the central cast doing things on Sodor. I however have always had a scene/project/animatic/whatEver in mind for when this 'series' would '''officially''' ''''end''''. But then what comes after that? I've always tried to run this blog like they are Real People that You interact with. But in real life there is no ending to the story, there's always more stuff to come. You get married, and it's wonderful, and then life goes on. The credits never roll. So maybe that's what I'm having trouble coping with...the progression of time. Ah, my old nemesis. I've always had trouble with letting go of things. There's nothing to say that I couldn't still draw stuff after the series "ends". I guess any story after Thomas leaves could be like... a sequel series or a spin off or something. Spin-off of a spin-off. Famous 8 All Grown Up. Famous 8 Qurter Life Crisis. Who knows. I certainly don't.

I've also been really into an original project unrelated to this but those don't get as much attention and while I'd like to do something with it one day, I don't feel very confident in being able to make that happen right now. But you know... as far my as art not being super spectacular goes... I think my individual talent has always been is my ideas, like the writing side of things. And then brought to life with my art, which normally isn't anything to write home about but is good enough to convey the idea and be not-awful to look at, lifts both of them beyond what they were individually. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

So....idk. Idk what I'm doing but I'm trying to be gentle on myself and just let myself continue to drift, to heal from this heavy loss, and then in the New Year I'll try and pick myself up. Then there will be no more big once-in-a-lifetime events coming up, no more just-moved-into-a-house-and-oh-no-there's-a-bunch-of-things-that-need-attention-NOW scenarios, and no more big holidays for awhile. I guess we'll see.

If you read all of this I am so sorry but also thank you for reading my ramblings. And thank you for being around, whether that's been for a few months or for several years, but especially if it's been several years

[mouthpoisons]

Something I want to see a lot more of in post-canon fics is Viktor not turning back to human, and still being stuck in full Arcane Harbinger form.

The main reason is for the angst and the drama: the damage is done, and he can't go back to human. He has to navigate his newfound romantic relationship with Jayce while also coming to terms with his transformation-as well as having a LOT of Identity issues and Body Horror-related trauma. (The "mask" literally split his face open. I imagine he probably gets a lot of unpleasant sensations from that.) He also has to learn to curb his newfound Control Freak tendencies and that it's Not Okay to try to turn people into walking soulless automatons just because they were rude to Jayce. (In Viktor's defense, the guy was an asshole who no one would miss.)

Not helping is that Viktor still has some of the unsettling Arcane abilities he developed. They've been greatly weakened, but he still has a limited version of them-and it really only hammers home his lack of humanity.

(Of course, that begs the question: will Viktor come to accept his current form, or will he begin to pursue a more... Cybernetic path in order to feel like himself again? Regardless, Jayce is with him every step of the way-and he'll help in any way he can.)

oh absolutely yes i love this angle so much... i think on the whole, postcanon stuff is hitting a lot more for me if him processing what he did and that dark place he went to also means processing what happened to his body and being comforted through it by jayce (and yknow what, both of their bodies, jayce spent a whole episode in a torture nexus and has been irreperably damaged too and he hasnt really had a moment to sit with it yet). i appreciate a pure fluff magical fix-it and people are drawing such sweet art of them reemerging and vibing in different universes as essentially pre/early show versions of themselves but also theres so much potential for infinite interesting and complex thematics here and i hope people will see the value in exploring The Entire State Of It All. you guys better not forget the message that imperfection is lovable

we have no damn clue what happened to them at the end there and the options truly are limitless. a beautiful fanfic for every possible mood and every possible needed genre of catharsis is hopefully gonna come out of this and i will be Sat and Reading. i want them both to wake up in a meadow just like the one wizard viktor teleported baby jayce to. i want them cosmically entwined in space forever. i want them covered in magical scars and they have matching bad legs and shards of crystal embedded in their hands and they get to adore every inch of their mangled selves and grow old together. i want viktor remaining a cosmic horror with half his face blown off and jayce still showing him infinite unconditional adoration and care

also just insanely potent monsterfucker potential lol. jayce get the hell in there and keep telling him how beautiful he is!!!!! chop chop!!!!!!!!!!!

[lunieloon]

Samuel and Lillian brainrot persists. Time to info-dump!!!!!!

(Under the cut! As usual >-<)

Samuel Lex and Lillian Clementine. The first immortals. The last people to remember the original Earth. Their only chance at freedom became a prison of a different kind. One that they couldn't escape from.

But they had each other. For nearly a million years, they stood at each other’s sides. Living countless lives together, meeting countless people. They fell in love seeing what wonderful sights different planets had to offer. They stayed close to each other because no one else could ever possibly know the burden of being alive for as long as they have.

But being alive forever means witnessing the destruction of planets time and time again. Realizing that humanity will never learn their lesson until it's too late.

Samuel stayed loyal to the government who saved them when they were both sick kids on Earth. Even though he knew it wasn't right. Even though he knew that these weren't the same people who wanted to save humanity as the ones they knew at the very start of it all. He didn't want to make them upset. He didn't know why. They couldn't be killed. They couldn't even be wounded. But Samuel feared punishment. He feared making trouble, a habit he still had from when he was mortal.

But Lillian couldn't sit by and do nothing. She knew why humans kept destroying their planets. She saw the patterns. How corruption and greed spread. Despite the many times people tried to start over, the roots of the trouble remained. She wanted to get rid of it. She wanted to tell everyone to stop destroying themselves over stupid things like money or status. Having already forgotten how important that is to mortals. She caused trouble. She was loud. She started revolutions. She started wars. She had the best intentions. She just wanted to make sure humans didn't drive themselves to extinction. But the way she went about it wasn't the best.

Samuel refused to help her at first. But Lillian persisted. When new immortals were made, she would recruit them instead. But more people meant more chaos. Some thought they should save the people who wanted to be on their side. Lillian adopted the mindset that the only way to protect humanity was to rule over them. All of them.

Samuel didn't want to rule over anyone at all. He didn't want to play god and save only those who would agree with him either. He tried to slow down. Work with the people in power already. This has never worked for long, though. Once he had won over the government, they would die and be replaced with new people he had to win over again.

But it was the closest way that worked. Lillian never liked it, though. She would still go out and try to gather people in her quest to protect the world by ruling it.

It wasn't until D-Earth- the 4th planet humans have lived on since the original Earth- that something changed. Lillian snapped.

She brought together the largest revolution yet. Samuel was mortified. The government stopped listening to him when the fighting broke out. They sent out their troops to take out hers- despite knowing that they could never take out Lillian even of they did catch her. Thousands died- and with the total population only being 3 million- that was a devastating blow.

Lillian's side almost won. It looked like they would win for a long while. But they didn't. Eventually the entire resistance was killed. Lillian and the other immortals with her were taken back to the spaceships that were about to take off and leave this planet behind- it was no longer suitable to keep living on it after all the fighting was over.

The immortals were told that they would be kept in strict isolation. They wouldn't be allowed out again. Not until they were sure there wouldn't be another revolution like that. It didn't matter what side they were on. All of them were to be kept on a different ship, away from mortals. Never to see the outside again.

Samuel was appalled by this punishment. Half of them didn't do anything wrong! But it was no use. At least he would still have the others and Lillian, right?

Lillian was even more distraught by this. Having already lost all the people she was friends with in this last revolution. Knowing the other immortals would blame her for this punishment. She did the only thing she could think to do.

Before the doors closed, as the ship took off, she jumped.

The last face she saw for many years after that was Samuel, who was reaching out to stop her before the door closed fully. The last voice she heard was his too, a haunting scream that replayed in her head for decades as she drifted aimlessly through space.

Samuel wanted to die in that moment, but he couldn't. He still tried- but he got tired. They were all in isolation. The others apologized to him. They told him he was right. They should have found another way. They made him the leader of the immortals. But he wanted none of it.

For centuries after that, he stayed in his room. Mourning. Lillian wasn't dead. There was no way she could have died. But he would never get to see her again.

[deoidesign]

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[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

[waywardsalt]

tbh i might go ahead and put dungeons in as a part of the bellum x linebeck fic's plot since like. 1) struggling to actually figure out a main plot and having dungeons as sort of bit points to hit and be little bits of fitting exploration and bonding and 2) i do kinda want to do dungeons. i like thinking of them and again i do think its fitting.

[polkadotpatterson]

okeydoke as I have not had much energy for working on stuff lately (but lots of motivation) I'm not gonna do proper NaNo with a wordcount or anything, BUT I am gonna make it a goal to get some amount of work done on a writing project every day (at least until I go away on the 24th). Main priority blaseball projects are, in no particular order:

Fic about the ending

Abner fic

Simon's Quest

secret fic(s) :)

get the Talkers exchange set up

Aside from that, I've been poking at more non-blaseball stuff, which is a good excuse for me to plug my writing blog @cyndakip! All my fics get posted there, so if you're interested in my writing beyond just blaseball (especially if you like pokemon), I recommend following me there, since I don't post non-blaseball fics here.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

Zombabe

paranormal YA set in a small town in 2003 where weird things happen that mostly get ignored

a boy is resurrected by his best friend after dying just before graduation. but he’s maybe a zombie now and if he ignores his hunger for flesh an ancient evil might start causing bigger problems

thankfully one of his friends’ aunt is a cop who has no problem helping get rid of some of the local nazis

queer teen friend group, m/m

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

[chrismcshell]

why must i work today when i could be getting another ending in 999

[yume-fanfare]

i need the next climax already i have to draw conclusions about the songsss <-is going to make this about tori

[be-good-to-bugs]

OH SHIT. my dad fuckin died today uh. rest in pieces dickhead 😘 time to CELEBRATE 🎉

[gibbearish]

yknow i hadnt really processed how much the adderall weight loss has changed my face shape but then i found this slightly older selfie

<== old now ==>

like. aww look at ur cute lil squishable cheeks:3 i can see why bf did that so much i would too

[dbphantom]

Thought process: wow I have so many tabs open on my Firefox what the hell was I do-

Carry on.

[iamthescalesofjustice]

idk if anyone has done this before but da2 au where you think at first its a both twins lived au and then find out bethany died and thats actually non-warden amell posing as her. something something escaped with jowan maybe, found her relatives in lothering, sought refuge with them and when bethany ended up dying it was way lower profile for amell to take the place of her cousin than try to get in to kirkwall with them as a non-immediate family member (especially given that leandra is publicly coming in as an amell and theres a resemblance and its known revka had mage kids taken to the circle and im sure theres a bulletin out or whatever for an escaped apostate matching amells description). points if people comment on how ‘bethany’ clearly takes after her mother. leandra is not normal about it. aveline knew the real bethany at least in passing bc of living in the same town and treats this as a reason for her distrust of hawke and co and one of the reason she sabotages carvers application with the guard. 

[snekdood]

hey pro tip, if you smoke weed, save the ashes so you can put them in the soil for yer native plants. maybe you can't do controlled burns where you are, but you can at least fertilize the soil the same way 🤷