#well not really endings but yknow what i mean
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Samuel and Lillian brainrot persists. Time to info-dump!!!!!!
(Under the cut! As usual >-<)
Samuel Lex and Lillian Clementine. The first immortals. The last people to remember the original Earth. Their only chance at freedom became a prison of a different kind. One that they couldn't escape from.
But they had each other. For nearly a million years, they stood at each other’s sides. Living countless lives together, meeting countless people. They fell in love seeing what wonderful sights different planets had to offer. They stayed close to each other because no one else could ever possibly know the burden of being alive for as long as they have.
But being alive forever means witnessing the destruction of planets time and time again. Realizing that humanity will never learn their lesson until it's too late.
Samuel stayed loyal to the government who saved them when they were both sick kids on Earth. Even though he knew it wasn't right. Even though he knew that these weren't the same people who wanted to save humanity as the ones they knew at the very start of it all. He didn't want to make them upset. He didn't know why. They couldn't be killed. They couldn't even be wounded. But Samuel feared punishment. He feared making trouble, a habit he still had from when he was mortal.
But Lillian couldn't sit by and do nothing. She knew why humans kept destroying their planets. She saw the patterns. How corruption and greed spread. Despite the many times people tried to start over, the roots of the trouble remained. She wanted to get rid of it. She wanted to tell everyone to stop destroying themselves over stupid things like money or status. Having already forgotten how important that is to mortals. She caused trouble. She was loud. She started revolutions. She started wars. She had the best intentions. She just wanted to make sure humans didn't drive themselves to extinction. But the way she went about it wasn't the best.
Samuel refused to help her at first. But Lillian persisted. When new immortals were made, she would recruit them instead. But more people meant more chaos. Some thought they should save the people who wanted to be on their side. Lillian adopted the mindset that the only way to protect humanity was to rule over them. All of them.
Samuel didn't want to rule over anyone at all. He didn't want to play god and save only those who would agree with him either. He tried to slow down. Work with the people in power already. This has never worked for long, though. Once he had won over the government, they would die and be replaced with new people he had to win over again.
But it was the closest way that worked. Lillian never liked it, though. She would still go out and try to gather people in her quest to protect the world by ruling it.
It wasn't until D-Earth- the 4th planet humans have lived on since the original Earth- that something changed. Lillian snapped.
She brought together the largest revolution yet. Samuel was mortified. The government stopped listening to him when the fighting broke out. They sent out their troops to take out hers- despite knowing that they could never take out Lillian even of they did catch her. Thousands died- and with the total population only being 3 million- that was a devastating blow.
Lillian's side almost won. It looked like they would win for a long while. But they didn't. Eventually the entire resistance was killed. Lillian and the other immortals with her were taken back to the spaceships that were about to take off and leave this planet behind- it was no longer suitable to keep living on it after all the fighting was over.
The immortals were told that they would be kept in strict isolation. They wouldn't be allowed out again. Not until they were sure there wouldn't be another revolution like that. It didn't matter what side they were on. All of them were to be kept on a different ship, away from mortals. Never to see the outside again.
Samuel was appalled by this punishment. Half of them didn't do anything wrong! But it was no use. At least he would still have the others and Lillian, right?
Lillian was even more distraught by this. Having already lost all the people she was friends with in this last revolution. Knowing the other immortals would blame her for this punishment. She did the only thing she could think to do.
Before the doors closed, as the ship took off, she jumped.
The last face she saw for many years after that was Samuel, who was reaching out to stop her before the door closed fully. The last voice she heard was his too, a haunting scream that replayed in her head for decades as she drifted aimlessly through space.
Samuel wanted to die in that moment, but he couldn't. He still tried- but he got tired. They were all in isolation. The others apologized to him. They told him he was right. They should have found another way. They made him the leader of the immortals. But he wanted none of it.
For centuries after that, he stayed in his room. Mourning. Lillian wasn't dead. There was no way she could have died. But he would never get to see her again.
#angst time#original character#oc brainrot#oc#lunierambles#infodump#like fr fr infodump#Hahahaha what if i told everyone Samuel and Lillian werent the first immortals at all and there was actually 3 before them#but that's irrelevant to the story rn sooooo#ur honor these ocs are like stress balls to me#angst value thru the roof with these two.#dont worry they get happy endings#well not really endings but yknow what i mean#they learn to be happy again and that's what matters#lunieverse spoilers
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."
But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ���️
So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to
And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to
Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!
#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this#i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry!#i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc-#-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to#but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)-#and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult#and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back??????#we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro....#and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP#NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL#i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess#this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed#and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end)#but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ#he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT#not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ#i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider)#wizard101#wiz101#w101#text posts#duncan grimwater#im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us
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the first sonic movie is on and I'm just looking over at my mom like "hey you wanna hear my fan theories"
#the only theory i have that i care about is 'commander walters in the movieverses version of abraham tower'. i have thought this for#Two Whole Years now i am SO certain about this. listen to me It Makes Sense. minus the heterochromia he looks So Much like abraham. hes in#a similar role in G.U.N to abe. at the end of sonic 2 when the lady mentions a 50 years old project he asks what the project Was.#but once she describes it a research facility that was very well-hidden. he's the one who mentions project shadow by name. he recognizes it#hes shocked about it but when he hears 50 year old research facility that was very carefully hidden he INSTANTLY identifies it as project#shadow. mix that with him being the G.U.N commander? with him looking a lot like abe?? IT ADDS UP. IM TELLING YOU IT ADDS UP#ALSO THE DIRECTOR OF THE MOVIES DID CGI CUTSCENES FOR THE SHADOW GAME SO THERES *NO WAY* HE DOESNT KNOW ABOUT ABRAHAM TOWER#if when sonic 3 comes out they do not reveal walters to be a film version of abraham i will literally Lose My Mind do you Hear Me#(i mean Not Really but yknow dfghgf)#<- hi this is what one year straight of sonic fixating and shadow thoughts and what-not gets you
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finally decided to start watching s2e17 of ii
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#there are spoilers in the tags for like 17 and 18. not much since i havent actually seen those (at least not much) but beware#i am about to implode!#(not because of any opinion i have of the finale so far i just started watching it)#why did i start watching now? i was hearing Things about the finale (not really much spoilers_ just that the note 17 left wasn't a happy -#- note [since it seems to be the darkest hour. yknow. general 3-act stuff] and that people weren't really sure it was the last episode)#and i remember thinking “either i don't watch until act 3 comes out or until it's been long enough to know act 2 was the last episode”#i also have a tendency to do this with ii episodes_ i'll wait a couple of days to watch it#in the case of the ii s3 finale i literally only watched it because s2e15 came out#i dont really do this with other shows? and by other shows i mean BFDI i can't think of any other i watch regularly like II#well not regularly . yknow what i mean. to watch to completion like that ?#anyways another reason i didn't was probably bc of not knowing anything about the finale#yknow. didnt want it to end on a bad note but especially not something that like takes away the characters'... whats the word... agency tha#'s it. i think it would have felt weird to me if the ending was like everyone dying or smth in a way that interferes with that#but i feel slightly reassured since the characters do seem to come back to life i think from what i've heard#so yay!!!#i think hearing some mild spoilers about the ending of ii did help me mentally prepare for watching the finale#getting spoilers doesn't necessarily have to ruin your show-watching experience. i dont think id like having it all spoiled but having some#spoilers don't really hurt me_ and sometimes actually helps me in the experience (as in. gets me to actually watch something or lets me wat#-h without like... worrying about something needlessly? or at least maybe its like a detriment to my watching experience)#i dont really like all the suspense. some is good but sometimes i cant handle it or dont want to so a little spoilers helps me have my mind#- at ease yknow? i do remember as a kid id be worried about possibilities (like quite worried) that authors don't tend to do (because it'd#- be a bummer) and it hindered my enjoyment of shows then. obviously now i know shows dont tend to do stuff like that so i reassure myself#- “they probably won't die_ fail_ etc. they'll win in the end” (obviously not all shows but like kids shows and that stuff probably)#i think with most shows i could handle that possibility but i think i'm more attached to ii so_ while i could probably handle that_ it woul#like... be harder for me to like watch and handle and that stuff#anyways enough rambling on about that! wow they really ARE his OCs aren't they /JOK#(i don't actually believe they are his OCs_ since that removes their agency and i Dont Like That and i think that goes against II's themes_#but WOW drawing the ideas of them on paper... that's so OC-creator core of you mephone)
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tbh i might go ahead and put dungeons in as a part of the bellum x linebeck fic's plot since like. 1) struggling to actually figure out a main plot and having dungeons as sort of bit points to hit and be little bits of fitting exploration and bonding and 2) i do kinda want to do dungeons. i like thinking of them and again i do think its fitting.
#bellum x linebeck fic#albw fucks thats where i got the idea. i mean dungeons are a general loz thing but albw is rlly good with a bunch of dungeons#the deal now is like. why are they doing dungeons (beyond. linebeck likes treasure and adventure and bellum likes doing stuff with him)#it doesnt really need to be an endgame thing if that makes sense. a mid to late story plot as smth extra for them to do to interact with#the world and ig the issue is that i cant figure out what they'll get out of these dungeons. considering theyre a bit morally fucked. so#i'll have to think on that. will prolly do only a few bc. yknow. or could do some other kinda of like. major points to hit. but tbh dungeon#do fit in since ppl go exploring a lot and ive been playing with the idea of a fantastical system that like. refills dungeons if theyre#influenced by certain magic or w/e. i like the great sea having a lot of magic kinda just. existing around the world unchecked#it def gives a lot of opportunity for worldbuilding and like. things to do and have exist in the great sea setting. anyways#need smth for bellum and linebeck to do other than play a weird dating sim with each other as their endgame picks#honestly the actual plot side of things is the messiest fucking thing abt this and im trying to keep it from getting out of hand#i have the actual romance set up well enough and i really ought to focus on the romance in chapter planning before trying to#string together a main plot between all of it yknow#salty talks#thinking more on it it might not even need to smth where theyre fully successful bc its like. idk. maybe they just want to do some stuff#cuz there is no world threatening thing (thats bellum's role.) so like no sages or pendants but maybe some fucking mcguffin#part of me thinks. oh. triforce! but thats uh. a lot. i might just leave the dungeon stuff as like. bellum wants him to clear them out as#as like possibly places for bellum to hide out in since he's afraid of being threatened and killed. like hes looking a smth like a base#i like that ig. cuz it could end up with them being like. hey i like being around this person that i think i have feelings for#oh. this might be good to use in development of romance too
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okeydoke as I have not had much energy for working on stuff lately (but lots of motivation) I'm not gonna do proper NaNo with a wordcount or anything, BUT I am gonna make it a goal to get some amount of work done on a writing project every day (at least until I go away on the 24th). Main priority blaseball projects are, in no particular order:
Fic about the ending
Abner fic
Simon's Quest
secret fic(s) :)
get the Talkers exchange set up
Aside from that, I've been poking at more non-blaseball stuff, which is a good excuse for me to plug my writing blog @cyndakip! All my fics get posted there, so if you're interested in my writing beyond just blaseball (especially if you like pokemon), I recommend following me there, since I don't post non-blaseball fics here.
#I'm in a weird place rn where the end of blb is coinciding with me finally feeling ready to get back to nuzlockes#and I very much want to keep writing blb fics! it's just complicated by me getting smacked over the head with pokemon motivation#and separate from that I think it's just been hard for me to work on blb fics knowing that it's over#writing the ending fic in particular means confronting that. and I definitely haven't fully processed it yet and idk when I will#I really truly do want to keep writing blb fics for a long time but I worry there will be not much of an audience anymore#and I know that doesn't matter. I'm gonna write what I want and I know some people will still read it. but yknow. it's rough#also my relationship with pokemon and the nuzlocke community has been really fucking complicated these past few years#to the point where I stopped engaging altogether bc it was stressing me out too much and I had lost all confidence in my writing#this happened to be right before I got into blb. which came along at the perfect time and gave me the community & confidence boost I needed#now it kinda feels like we've come full circle. blb has changed me and now I'm ready to go back with a whole new attitude#I just don't want these two things to be mutually exclusive! I want both! but that's easier said than done#especially bc I haven't had enough energy to work on much of either lately! I want to say things are getting better on that front but#it's complicated. you know how it is with human bodies. treacherous things#the thing is I don't want to waste this. I feel ready for pokemon again and god I missed it and I'm gonna ride this wave of motivation#if I had more energy this would be less of a problem. ah well#gonna get all this done sooner or later#talking moistly
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2023 reads // twitter thread
Zombabe
paranormal YA set in a small town in 2003 where weird things happen that mostly get ignored
a boy is resurrected by his best friend after dying just before graduation. but he’s maybe a zombie now and if he ignores his hunger for flesh an ancient evil might start causing bigger problems
thankfully one of his friends’ aunt is a cop who has no problem helping get rid of some of the local nazis
queer teen friend group, m/m
#zombabe#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i.s. belle#lgbtq books#i loved this!!!!!!#the like. 3rd person omniscient (i think) in a modern (ish) setting works really well actually?#and its one of those books that has little snippets of various side characters yknow what i mean.#it’s kinda slow building up until the end when it happens very fast#i have no idea where the next books will go????#I also really liked that like. while obv there's homophobia in the world (& the aforementioned nazis very much bully them up for being gay)#there's not any internalised homophobia or anything like that. and like even tho the nazis like threaten to kill them I guess-#you never feel like the actual threat and danger of it from the narrative. you know the bigots are just gonna die lol#is my intense fixation on wanting to bite my best friend a zombie thing or is it just the gay yearning i’ve been trying to ignore#I already made a post about this but tentatively comping to in the flesh.....zombies....slightly anachronistic small town people who#turn a blind eye to stuff..dark with a bit of humor...kind hearted quiet blonde gay boy MC....#I will say that ITF is a lot heavier re: mental health and like systemic oppression and stuff#(.....because I just rewatched it again. prompted by reading this book)#I will also note that; while I don’t think this is reskinned fanfic; the author used to write a lot of It movie fic#so if ur into that you might like this apparently it has similar vibes#nz author
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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why must i work today when i could be getting another ending in 999
#ray speaks#video james#ive gotten 2 endings so far. both of them bad ends wheeee#junpei has died twice. sad! oh well; back to the flowchart we go#i feel like ive barely scratched the surface of the Mystery... my 2nd route gave me more pieces of the puzzle but What Does It All Mean#I Need To Find Out#i feel like the payoff is gonna be so good when things really start coming together; yknow? im looking forward to it
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i need the next climax already i have to draw conclusions about the songsss <-is going to make this about tori
#because what if they're all in the same vein as parallel maze and crazy anthem#by which i mean softer (?) songs#you know like anime endings#but at the same time a vibe like this does fit rinne and tomoya specifically so maybe it's just a coincidence that both have been like this#because yeah rinne used to be a more orthodox idol and tomoya. i think parallel world really suits him#but for fine. for tori center were it not a climax i wouldve gone for a more general cutesy vibe like koi wa primavera but More#because yknow it's tori#and fine centers so far have fairly diverted from the usual fine style yknow#but maybe no maybe they Are going for a more traditional fine vibe since it's the climax#but slow/lighthearted like say hajimari no fantasia ¿#(n tori's voice is Amazing for those slower songs tbh so it'd still be great)#but i would still have liked a cute faster-paced song 🤔#but well we'll see#something like that can of course still be cute but hummm we'll see we'll see#mar's midnight rambles
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yknow i hadnt really processed how much the adderall weight loss has changed my face shape but then i found this slightly older selfie
<== old now ==>
like. aww look at ur cute lil squishable cheeks:3 i can see why bf did that so much i would too
#n like i know its not an extreme difference by any means but idk its interesting jenfksnfksn#selfie#origibberish#i think my jawline is where it shows most#given that i like. have one now?#like obv its still the same shape but its def a bit more pronounced now#it has been very weird having pronounced collarbones again though i dont know if i especially like that#and esp my thighs have downsized a lot which is a bummer#bonus however is some of it seems to have come out of my honkers as well bc i dont even really need a bra anymore much less a binder#idk its a mixed bag but yknow. ive never really been in charge of what weight my bodys at nor have i cared to change it#i just let it wander as it will#shit we didnt even have a scale for like. four years#altho i have to weigh myself more often now to make sure its still holding steady bc my doctor didnt believe me that i was still eating the#same as i normally do KEBFKSNDMSN#but like before any of the meds my body would generally had a 40lbs fluctuation range that it would just wander back and forth through#and now ive dropped an extra 20 off of the lower end of that and bottomed out like i knew it would once it adjusted to the legal meth#so. get dunked on emily LOL#/weight loss discussion#/weight discussion#also i hope it goes without saying but if any like. proa blogs or fatphobes touch this post i will kill you so very dead.#weight loss and weight gain are both morally neutral and just part of how the body works and you shouldnt force it to be any one specific#size and people should be able to discuss both without it being a whole Thing. do not touch.
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Thought process: wow I have so many tabs open on my Firefox what the hell was I do-
Carry on.
#The other 7 tabs were also H2O related. Namely Max and Gracie's pages as well as Charlotte's#I also had a really funny page open that described mako island completely incorrectly? Describing lost ruins from a bygone civilization#Scattered across the island. Which I guess could technically be from Mako Island of Secrets (with the merman chamber) but like...#The images they attached were of old decaying bridges and temples so I don't think so!#This fic has been a journey and a half#Season 2 is suddenly at least 5 episodes longer#In my defense I really think it'll be worth it for the payoff at the end. I hope.#I'm giving the girlies (me) everything they've (I've) ever wanted#Cruddy rambles#... It is essentially just the show but Lewis is a fish now#I love all the other merman Lewis fics too but they do tend to deviate from canon a lot. Which isn't a bad thing!! Just not what I'm vibing#With atm so I'm writing what I want#I mean it is a whole rewrite so deviating from canon is implied but y'know what I mean? I just want s2 but with a few tiny details changed#A lot of them tend to be removed from the '[generally] slice of life but with mermaids' style of canon#Which is what I'm really vibing with atm as I'm currently in a tumultuous period of my life#So like absolutely no hate to those styles. I fucking adore them (and am heartbroken one author who posted recently never came back after#I posted a comment on their work talking about MA Zewis 😭😭😭) because holy shit their stuff slaps hard as hell and I love all of them#I'm the number 1 merman Lewis fan#I Stan every single person who has posted art or writing for that style of au#Just to make it absolutely fuckin clear that I mean no hate whatsoever. I just wanna throw my own hat into the ring yknow?
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idk if anyone has done this before but da2 au where you think at first its a both twins lived au and then find out bethany died and thats actually non-warden amell posing as her. something something escaped with jowan maybe, found her relatives in lothering, sought refuge with them and when bethany ended up dying it was way lower profile for amell to take the place of her cousin than try to get in to kirkwall with them as a non-immediate family member (especially given that leandra is publicly coming in as an amell and theres a resemblance and its known revka had mage kids taken to the circle and im sure theres a bulletin out or whatever for an escaped apostate matching amells description). points if people comment on how ‘bethany’ clearly takes after her mother. leandra is not normal about it. aveline knew the real bethany at least in passing bc of living in the same town and treats this as a reason for her distrust of hawke and co and one of the reason she sabotages carvers application with the guard.
#gamlen has fights with leandra about it and both of them are uncomfortable with the situation in their own ways#if amell ends up recaptured and taken to the gallows cullen is obviously a massive threat to her#im thinking ignore the dai retcons of his character and actually yknow. look at what his creepy dao characterization and position in the#kirkwall templars would reasonably amount to in a person and have him threaten that he can have her exposed as amell instead of bethany any#time he feels like it (and thus get her made tranquil or executed) so its up to her to try to make sure he doesnt feel like it#by doing whatever he wants her to. this is actually slightly more cunning than you would expect out of this guy but he has plenty of#other kirkwall templars to ape this particular kind of plan/behavior from. it would fit really well with a bunch of the canon stuff we see.#and much in the same way that the bethany you end up with as a non-mage hawke is fundamentally a different character than the bethany that#had another mage sibling to grow up with and thus was not as isolated and in a position to blame herself for#i think an amell that ends up in this situation is not the star student of the first enchanter. i mean she couldnt fight well enough to#affect the ogre or heal well enough to save the real bethany. and she wasnt brought on the expedition despite not having leandra's 'leave#your baby sister out of this dangerous trip' happening bc as weird as leandras relationship to a#amell is its still one where if amell could be doing something to try to prove herself useful to the family she would#if she was straight up escaping kinloch with jowan i think she had reason to believe she was more unsafe than usual in the circle#and lacked the 'safety net' of the first enchanter giving a shit about her. so. probably at risk from cullen. hah wow this is a much darker#au than i first anticipated which given the initial concept is 'emotional problems from posing as her dead cousin' centric says something
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hey pro tip, if you smoke weed, save the ashes so you can put them in the soil for yer native plants. maybe you can't do controlled burns where you are, but you can at least fertilize the soil the same way 🤷
#gardening#native plants#native plant gardening#idk i just notice that whenever I ash in one plants pot a lot it starts growing really well so 🤷🤷🤷#i mean. ig this goes for all kinds of ash. I was just thinkin about weed bc obviously I was and thats what i end up producing the most#ash with :|#idk about cigarette ash tho. maybe if its just tobacco. but if its got all that other weird shit in it its prolly not good for the soil#buy cellulose filters n roll yer on ciggs#lika a MAN#or not if ur not a man. but yeah#i should sleep.#bc tobacco is a native plant technically so its fine yknow#i wonder about incense tho. that should prolly be fine right??#less bad than ciggs w/ all the weird ingredients ig sdhvgdsvgh#nope i looked it up and you should also not put incense ash in your soil#idk i'd say just stick w/ things you know are wholey organic yknow like herbs n sticks n leaves n stuff#and paper maybe too ig#maybe not heavily dyed paper
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