#well not really an oc but hey that’s the tagging system

[valentronic]

finally made a persona im happy with :] just in time for valentines season too <3

[moonylantsovs]

Heyyy can u plz write a season one Bellamy blake x reader griffin/Kane SMUT where they are enemies and leaders of the 100 but don't see eye to eye on anything but have too much sexual tension and attraction towards each other and decide to give into their desire for one night cause they think if they screw each other they get their attraction out of their system?

Invisible String [B.B]

summary: hating him was easier than loving him. especially when clarke went through so much trouble to keep them away from each other. but for some reason, her attraction to him was much larger than her dignity

pairings: bellamy blake x caroline griffin (oc) a/n: the oc has no description, so feel free to imagine whoever you wish, I just write better when the main character has a name

tags: (18+) wells jaha lives, cursing, the nickname "princess" cause it's kind of cringey but fits their dynamic, SMUT; hate sex, (kinda) dom!bellamy, dirty talk, hate sex, hair pulling

Hating Bellamy Blake was almost too easy.

He was too cocky for his own good and was even worse at listening to orders than Caroline. He had been tormenting her, her sister and Wells since they landed.

But a long time has passed since their first days on Earth. The camp was functioning well and Caroline and Clarke found a way to work with Bellamy. After a kid died and Murphy was banished after being accused of killing some privileged kid, they formed a truce. Bellamy was the one leading the hunting trips and watching over the delinquents who were building the wall, Clarke was in charge of keeping the peace with the Grounders (the liberty of her having a thing with their Commander) and Caroline decided who got which job and worked with Raven to make radios and get in contact with The Ark.

She was not that thrilled about her mother coming down because, before she got arrested, she was not exactly mother of the year. Still, she felt guilty about the innocent people who were dying up there while there was a safe planet waiting for them.

Caroline let out a sigh and stood up, instantly drawing Raven’s attention to herself. She wiped her sweat off of her face with a rag and placed it down on the table, before saying, “I think that I’m done for today. I have to discuss some stuff with Bellamy.”

Raven snorted and raised an amused eyebrow, her tone taunting. “Oh, I bet. So much for staying away from him.”

The Griffin rolled her eyes at the reminder of her sister’s warning and wordlessly walked out of their work tent. Bellamy was very blunt with his flirting when they weren’t spitting insults at each other and when he wasn’t sleeping with half of the camp. Caroline was slightly annoyed and brushed it off quickly, but Clarke was down-right pissed. Her protective older sister was on and she was quick to tell Caroline how bad of an idea getting involved with Bellamy was. Her lecture was at least five minutes long but Caroline did not listen to a word that she said. She was not stupid. She knew that even flirting with Bellamy was a bad idea, but she was not planning on it. She liked to believe that she had standards.

“Hey, Princess.” Bellamy greeted her when she entered his tent without knocking. “You’re early.”

“No, you just slept in.” Caroline deadpanned while scanning his bare chest with a blank look on her face while he sat on the edge of his makeshift bed. “Some of us have been up and working for hours.”

Okay, yes, Bellamy was an asshole. But he was a hot asshole. If you asked her, she would say that the fact that he was annoying only made him more attractive. But that might just be her daddy issues talking.

He furrowed his eyebrows and asked, “Shit, is it really late?”

“Yeah, it’s almost lunch.” She shrugged and walked across his tent to grab one of his shirts. She absentmindedly threw it on him, silently telling him to get dressed. “I told Wells to let you sleep. You were keeping guard pretty late last night.”

She told herself that it was because he needed his eight hours of sleep if he was going to function properly. He was even more grumpy when he slept for only two hours.

Bellamy’s lips tugged into a grin and then fell open as he let out a dramatic gasp. “Was that you being nice?” She rolled her eyes and he was quick to add, “I’m sorry, I only ever saw you being nice to Clarke and Wells. Is it snowing outside?”

“Shut up.” Caroline muttered, her eyes involuntarily flickering toward his hands. “Just get dressed. We have work to do.”

He grabbed the blue shirt that she gave him but made no move to put it on. He simply raised a knowing eyebrow. “Are you sure that you want me to do that? You don’t want to keep checking me out?”

Caroline felt heat rushing to her face. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but no words came out and she was desperately trying to find something to say. A couple of seconds later, she simply blurted out, “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not that good looking.”

His smirk only grew. “Oh, so I’m not that good looking?” He stepped closer and she wished that the ground would swallow her whole. “I knew you liked me, Princess.”

“You wish,” She shot back, but made no move to step away from him. His scent was intoxicating and she could not look away from his face. His dark eyes were flickering between her eyes and her lips and she swore that they only got darker when her breath hitched.

Bellamy lifted his hand to brush some of her hair away from the face and he licked his lips, an action that only made her stare at his lips longer. He pushed his face closer to her own and just as he was about to lock their lips together, Wells’ voice rang through the air.

“Bellamy, did you take my─” He cut himself off when he looked up from the ground to see his best friend standing inappropriately close to the guy that she hated for months. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and he silently looked back and forth between the two of them for a couple of moments. He swallowed and awkwardly croaked out, “I’ll come back later. Or never. Probably never.”

Caroline watched the place he was standing at a couple of seconds ago in shock. She quickly stepped away from Bellamy and cleared her throat. “Get dressed and meet me in the map tent.”

Bellamy watched her leave the tent in a rush and chuckled to himself the second she left.

-

Caroline wished that they could simply work in silence, each on their own side of the tent. After what happened earlier that morning, the last thing that she needed was to spent the next couple of hours before lunch with Bellamy. Especially because he seemed completely unfazed. If anything, his amusement only grew every time he would catch her staring at him which would lead to her having to look away or narrow her eyes into a glare to seem annoyed rather than flustered.

He saw right through her. That might be the reason why she hated him so much. She had always tried to keep her walls up as high as possible because she was afraid of letting people in. But Bellamy could read her like an open book.

“We should move Jasper from the gate and get Miller there.” Caroline suggested as she leaned over the map of their camp. “I love him to death but he runs at the first sight of danger. There is no one better than Miller. I trust him to stay there more than anyone.”

Bellamy surprised her by shaking his head. Her eyebrows furrowed. Was Miller not his best friend? “Guarding the gate is a big responsibility, yes, but it’s also dangerous. The guards there are usually the first to go. We have to put someone disposable there.”

Caroline let out a humorless laugh and looked at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? No one in this camp is disposable. We put the most competent person there, no matter how much either one of us cares about him.”

The Blake shrugged. “I don’t know if losing him is worth it.”

“And losing someone else is?” She retorted and stepped away from the table and scoffed. “I cannot believe you. You talk shit about The Ark, Jaha and the privileged for sending us here and labeling us as disposable but you are not any different. For some reason, those kids out there trust you but you are willing to sacrifice any of them if it means saving your ass and the two people you care about.”

Bellamy clenched his jaw, his eyes flashing with anger the second that she compared him to the monsters that killed his mother and locked up his sister. He stepped closer to her and glared down at her. “Stop pretending that you know me, Princess. You can’t psychoanalyze everyone in your life just because of one decision they make.”

Caroline glared back at him, not intimidated. “And you can judge people based on who their parents are? That’s ironic. I would not be surprised if you were planning to tell me that I should guard the gate since you clearly hate me so much. Putting me there is the easiest way to get rid of me, right?”

“Maybe I do hate you?” His words made her falter in surprise. “How can I not? You always have something to say about every decision I make. You take every opportunity to argue with me. Whenever I think that we are starting to see eye to eye, you do another thing to drive me crazy. And I hate myself for it a lot more than I hate you because despite you being everything that I’m against I still…” Bellamy did not finish his sentence and simply stared at the clueless look on her face. After a couple of seconds of silence, he muttered, “Fuck it.”

Caroline stumbled back in surprise which led to her sitting on the desk. Before she got the chance to kiss him back, he pulled away. His breath fanned across her lips and he stared at her, trying to find any hint of disgust or hesitance. He did not find any. But this time, she was the one that kissed him. She gripped his shirt to keep him closer while one of his hands tangled in her hair. Her breath hitched when he used his grip on her cair to pull her head down in order to reveal her neck. He did not think twice before he messily started placing open-mouthed kisses over her exposed collar bone.

She moaned and spread her legs so he could comfortably stand between them. His other hand found her waist and she ran her fingers through his hair, pulling on his curls lightly to spur him on. He pushed down her shirt to reveal her bra so he could keep sucking hickies down to her breats. The hand on her waist squeezed it and he paused, squeezing his eyes shut to get it together.

“Did you─ did you ever have sex?” Bellamy asked,his dark eyes practically piercing through her soul.

Caroline’s eyes almost softened at the genuine worry in his voice. He was grounded enough to ask the eighteen year old, who spent the last six years of her life locked up, if she was a virgin or not. Luckily, after Clarke broke Wells’ heart, she was more than fine with being his rebound to keep her mind off of other things.

She rapidly nodded, tugging at his shirt so he could get back to what he was doing before.

“Words, Caroline,”

Caroline. Not Princess or Baby Griffin. Just Caroline.

“Yes.” She breathed out. “I had sex before. Now stop being so uncharacteristically considerate and kiss me.”

Bellamy did not need to be told twice. He leaned back down to kiss her and her hands quickly found their way around his neck to pull him closer to her despite them already being chest-to-chest. His tongue slipped into her mouth and easily won the short battle for dominance.

Caroline placed her hands on his chest to push him away. He gave her a confused look which disappeared when she pulled her shirt over her head. He smirked and then copied her actions, exposing his chest. This time, she shamelessly checked him out.

Bellamy was pleasantly surprised when she reached down to pull his pants down along with his underwear. Her hand wrapped around his dick and started to slowly move her hand up and down, almost as if she was teasing him. He let out a low groan and leaned his hands on either side of her. He rested his forehead against hers and kept his eyes on her as she jerked him off.

“Fuck, Princess.” He cursed, his breath hitching. He was ashamed of how close he was just from her jerking him off.

He pulled her hand away and just as she was about to ask him what he was doing, he pulled her off of the desk in order to pull her hands down. He wrapped his arms around her thighs to place her back on the table and she gasped in surprise when his fingers slipped between her legs. His fingers teased her opening until she was whining into his mouth.

“Don’t tease.”

He chuckled and dipped one of his fingers inside of her. “Patience.”

She did not argue and simply leaned back, letting him pump his fingers in and out of her while he rubbed her clit. She moaned his name lowly, aware that if they were too loud, the others outside could hear them. Bellamy almost moaned at the sight of the girl squirming and trying her hardest to stay quiet on the table. The girl who never kept her mouth shut and was a force to be reckoned with was completely at his mercy.

Before Caroline could finish, he pulled his hand away. She panted and gave him a weak glare. “You’re a dick,”

“I didn’t hear you arguing when you were moaning my name.” He shot back and cupped her ass to bring their bodies closer together. He wrapped one of his hands around his dick and slid inside of her. He let out a deep groan and she let out a high pitchen moan due to his lack of patience. Bellamy placed one of his hands over her mouth and whispered, “Be quiet for me, Princess. You don’t want the rest of the camp to hear how much you hate me, do you?”

She shook her head and her eyes rolled to the back of her head when he pulled out and roughly pushed back inside her. He was no better than her. He was cursing and groaning as she rolled her hips back into his own.

They spent a couple of minutes like that, soaking in pleasure and the thrill that they got from the fact that anyone could walk into the tent at any minute. “I’m close.” He muttered and used the hand that was not covering her mouth to rub her clit in order to get her closer to the edge.

Caroline’s nails dug into his shoulders and the moaned against his hand, almost reaching her peak. He groaned at the pain and only snapped his hips against her faster. Her vision blurred and her eyes squeezed shut when she finally fell over the edge and came around him. Her walls squeezing him like a vice was what pushed him over the edge and he was quick to pull out and finish on her stomach.

Caroline panted and leaned her forehead against his chest when his hand fell from her mouth.

"So much for hating me, huh, Princess?"

She groaned. "Clarke is gonna kill me."

[littleroaes]

( 🌷 ) ❀˖° — ‘ ACQUAINTANCES ‘ — a list of my MOOTS ( writers and non ) who I have interacted with and fic RECS.

( 🌷 ) ❀˖° — AUTHORS NOTE : a list of my acquaintances here on tumblr! as I’m very timid, I don’t have too many interactions with some users. but the net of people here is very sweet and sincere. please please give them love!

I will update it as I get to know new people, read past works/ new works!

• LAST UPDATE : oh my god! it’s done! I think I have gathered all? don’t feel afraid to comment or something else if I missed you! It’s pretty rushed at parts, but I’ll improve on it, for the time being, I’m released it’s finally up!

➵ @blue-rainydays 💙

➵ @cloverdaisies m.list personal rec ➤ HEY CHAT! ∩^ω^∩ ↳ no one loves this fic like I love this fic! reread it a lot because it genuinely makes me so happy! i wrote it in my reblog but im so sad this yn and hj arent together lol. i would be the biggest minecraft fan if they were real →

➵ @cupidjyu m.list personal rec ➤ he’s hopeless! ↳ the fluffiest fluff that has ever fluffed! kicked my feet all the way through! juyeon's character is so entertaning to read! → other: detention for romance

➵ @everynewiee m.list ( @adorablehyunjae ) personal rec ➤ Honey - Dew Cat Cafe ↳ so cute! juyeon wears an apron and owns a cat(do I need to say more?) their pet bring them together!au !!! →

@floatingpluto

➵ @from-izzy m.list personal rec ➤ this summer… ↳ hyunjae is so patient! real love im telling you! that giddy feeling of when you feel special! It's what it gives! I wish to have someone like this hyunjae →

➵ @haet-sal m.list personal rec ➤ Cinderella Boy ↳ really creative fic! i loved the concept, had me in my seat the entire time! youre gonna feel so bad for juyeon though →

➵ @heemingyu m.list personal rec ➤ Serenade ↳ so feel good! I absolutely adore eric's and sunwoo's dynamic in this one! eric is down so bad, and i love it! → other: Rainy Days

➵ @hyungseos-cafe m.list personal rec ➤ the thought of you ↳ love this series! very easy to read since all of them are pretty short, but each one is so distinct and cute! I especially like changmins and erics! →

➵ @juyeonszn m.list (@fawnieszn/ @jungwonszn @yeonjunszn @eunseokszn )

personal rec ➤ BLAH BLAH ↳ I feel like there’s a lot of coincidences between me and this fic lol. but I do truly love it. jacob is 🫠🫠, basically all fawns fics make me feel 🫠🫠 lol →

➵ @kimsohn m.list personal rec ➤ polaroid & hearts on your sleeve ↳ polaroid is such a cute one! makes me want a jacob for myself even more! hearts on your sleeve is heart-aching, but I find it so creative! →

➵ @kpop17

➵ @leaz-kpop-life

➵ @onceuponabloom tag system! personal rec ➤ taste your lipgloss ↳ I’m so bad at describing things! but kicking my legs! very typical flirty, oops, heart fluttering vibe but I love it! →

➵ @o-onikix m.list personal rec ➤ Enchanted ↳ was some time since I read it, but I remember enjoying it! First time I wish to end a relationship with hyunjae →

@seolboba m.list personal rec ➤ 8:36 AM ↳ not tbz, but very cute! I really like rin (oc)! though I’m a kevrin stan, I really like Felix and her in this one. chans immediate leadership/ family ship is amazing! →

➵ @sungbeam m.list personal rec ➤ ain’t no romeo ↳ listend to it in speechify! a fic with so much to explore! there's so many good dynamics between characters and different elements! from humor, cutesy, fluttering and mysterious! →

➵ @winterchimez m.list ( @midnightfantasiez ) personal rec ➤ Make or Brake ↳ love changmin childhood friends to lovers! he fits it so well for some reason. really feel good fic! → other: criminal,

➵ @zzoguri m.list personal rec ➤ of linked arms and bruised hearts (you are the reason i keep on going) ↳ a long one, but the ending is so satisfying. every moment feels well-earned! again, changmin fits f2l so bad! I love their friend group, and jacob lowkey broke me lol →

[jeskoholic]

A Little Piece of You Chapter 16: A Coffee Date

This is a chapter from an on-going series. If you missed out on the previous entries, you can check my masterlist.

Previous chapter: Boy Talk

Word count: 5,811

Tags: Male OC, College Friends, Jisoo and Nayeon, Coffee Shop Date

Enjoy

---

---LATER THAT EVENING---

Before the thought of Dawn’s so-called master plan could even flush naturally itself out of my system, I immediately moved to bring Ningning on top of my head the moment I parted ways with both of my friends. I haven’t solidly thought of a good enough reason to approach her, especially now that things have gone differently ever since we last conversed. It certainly felt weird that I would just message her out of nowhere not soon after the whole Soyeon-situation… or maybe it was just me being really awkward towards her and absolutely thinking too much out of a normal situation. After all, Ningning and I began to be friends because of United Kwangya, and now that most of the chat has been in shambles since then, I figured there was some sort of barrier that I had to jump to get to her.

It could probably be just me.

However, the thought of that conversation when we were at Yeouido was the debating point, as well as what happened in Valentine’s Day. Somehow that provided me enough leverage to talk to her not merely as someone I shared on the chat with. Ningning and I shared something that connected us away from just United Kwangya.

I don’t even know why I’m making this much of a big deal. I just need to talk to her for the sake of Hyojong, right?

After what felt like minutes of staring at her chat tab, right at the comfort of my own room, I finally managed to input the first couple of characters that ought to take her attention.

Yoon Jae-in: Hey, Ning?

I paused for a bit, hesitating for a bit whether I should continue on or not. It was definitely awkward seeing our last exchange of messages to be inclined with Soyeon. At this time, I really do not want to be involved in any sort towards her; not until I’m comfortable enough to be around her again at least. Also, Ningning always had her chat tab offline so I really don’t know if she’s here or not.

Ningning: Yeah, I’m here. You need something?

Oh, she’s online. I guess that’s convenient.

Jae-in: Actually yeah… I want to talk to you about something.

Ningning: Is this about Soyeon?

Jae-in: No… please don’t get the wrong idea. It’s completely unrelated to that. Well, maybe not entirely but hey. This actually is just between both of us and what we’ve talked about back at Yeouido. I remember having a conversation with you about photography right? I was just wondering if you’re interested on doing it this time around.

Ningning: What the fuck, Jae-in… Are you telling me that you want to do the photography thing now because you’ve finally separated ties with Soyeon? Is that what you mean? >:)

Shit, I forgot how that conversation went… she’s already getting the wrong idea.

Jae-in: No! It’s totally not like that. This is actually for Dawn. He’s told me that he want his picture to get taken and asked if I knew someone who had at least a good experience with that. Of course, having that talk back then, I figured you’re the first person who popped up in my head. What do you think about that?

Ningning:  Really now? Why not Kino? He’s clearly into these types of things a lot more than I am and I’d say he has far better experience than I do. It’s just a hobby for me, unlike him who literally had a wedding shoot entirely on his own.

Jae-in: He’s quite unreliable though and Hyojong kind of agrees with that. At least I have an assurance that you’d do it once you agree. You’re less likely to back out from that once you’re in, as well. Are you interested on doing it? Dawn’s really looking forward to it.

Ningning: It’s for a girl, isn’t it?

Jae-in: Maybe; you can ask him yourself if say, you agreed to it.

Ningning: Well, that’s a good tactic to bait me into it, I’ll give you that. LOL

Ningning: I suppose I won’t mind. It’s amazing how that convo back at Yeouido stuck with you. Normally most people would just forget.

Ningning: Just don’t expect something extravagant with the outcome. I told you that I’m more into sceneries more than anything, okay? Don’t keep your standards up because I’m really just a novice.

Jae-in: Don’t worry; I’ll ask him to find a place with a good scenery as well, in that way you can make the most out of the trip. Yes, it’s for a girl by the way. Also, I think Dawn’s willing to cash in, otherwise he would not be asking me to look for people.

Ningning: That won’t be necessary but damn… I never expected that of all the people in United Kwangya, it was Hyojong who’d be simping this early on; what in the actual fuck?

Ningning: I’ll just message Dawn how things would go. We’ll settle the schedule for good.

Jae-in: Thanks Ning, I owe you one.

Ningning: Hey, if this works out for him, don’t y’all single bitches go looking for me for you pictures, okay? LMAO

Jae-in: Don’t worry; the favour you gave me is already for Dawn. I have no interest of trying it now. I’m too busy.

Ningning: Maybe you should.

Ningning: On second thought, maybe not. I prefer it when you’re single Jae-in. LOL.

I stared at her message.

Huh?

What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?

Ningning: Well, I got to go. TTYL

---SOME TIME LATER---

It never occurred to me that the university’s following week was busy as it could have gotten, at least for the subjects that I was taking up, anyway. Major subjects were still schedule for the following semester and yet I could already feel the dump of school works coming my way. It’s a good thing that I still have that one little summer semester break to serve as a breathing room before the great responsibilities came.

To make it short, Dawn’s small favour literally flew off of my head as soon as I arranged him with Ningning. I guess I had it coming to me; I figured that muting United Kwangya could lessen things up for a bit and let the less-awkward members interact within that chat. Soyeon showed no signs of her presence, so I figured I should match her for the time-being.

Once all was said and done, the next level of Dawn’s master plan finally unveiled itself. I didn’t even notice the overhaul of his entire profile; that the arrangement I did for him actually worked and that he’s progressing already behind the scenes. It’s more impressive that he and Ningning, along with some help from Shinwon and probably even Hongseok, managed to fit all of that in one single week. All it took was one busy NLIU day and somehow the date for Jisoo and Dawn was already up in the air. It’s crazy.

It’s like I blink for five minutes and now everything’s set.

It was one Friday afternoon perfectly aligning with the university’s sports events, effectively leaving Shinwon and the rest of United Kwangya free from classes. At least Hongseok’s ‘playboy’ tendencies worked out well for Dawn here. Anyway, that day I received a private message from Dawn directing me towards the mall placed beside a known city cathedral. Port Skyview was this large commercial complex situated beside the busy streets of the city, leading straight towards its rival, Metro Station mall. The hilly and sloped topography of its lot allowed the topmost floor of Port Skyview to be situated right beside the foot of the church, while in turn justifying its name as it gave a breath taking skyline view of the entire city night life at sundown.

A couple of minutes after 2 PM and I found myself perched on the rail of Sky View’s own terrific sky terrace, with the unexpected company of Hongseok leaning on the rail beside as well. At this rate, the pharaonic view of the City’s proud hills as well as the virgin skies were testament to how beautiful the city was whether you’re in Metro Station or here.

I initially thought that this would be awkward with Hongseok considering the last meeting, but thankfully he’s a very social person. All my doubts were lost with a curt nod as soon as we met in front of the café. It’s like nothing really happened.

Dawn’s message led both me and Hongseok into a coffee shop situated right above the beautiful landscape; it’s cubic glass architecture enabling natural amounts of light to illuminate the beautiful and modernized interior. On its façade, a huge sign written mostly in neon red and violet minimalist letters: Neverland Coffee. The majorly white aesthetic inside reminded me so much of Joohyun-noona’s overly-tidy taste.

I wonder if she’d been to this café before. I really should consider inviting her here one day.

“Should we get in and get our orders ahead of them?” I asked Hongseok after sensing the void of words between our conversations.

“That’s a good idea. We’re not even the heart of the party anyway.”

Thankfully, the said coffee date was once again held on an unconventional time. Ordering would not be such of a huge chore considering we have the shop pretty much to ourselves, which was very much what Hongseok and I would have wanted. As much as the really simple design of the café was already captivating from the outside, the simplistic approach of its modernized interior was a perfect touch. Given the breath-taking view it had on its second floor (which awkwardly reminded me of the mezzanine back at NLIU Library), Hongseok and I agreed to select the best seats in the house; eventually settling on the far end of the second floor.

This was just the beginning of an interesting day. I do hope this would turn out in favour of Dawn more than anything else.

---

Hongseok was the one who volunteered to fetch their orders once it was already available. To Jae-in’s surprise, he returned back up the small, terrace-like second floor of the place accompanied with five new figures three of which Jae-in immediately recognized. Ko Shinwon’s tall stature walked beside a smaller girl, dressed in an all-white med-school uniform giving off a wide smile; marking the first time since Skylight’s first drinking session that he would see the girl named Yeri. Then, right behind the couple was Kim Hyojong wearing a knitted vest over his shirt coupled with a small hat to compliment his blond hair. He immediately supplied the seated figure of Jae-in with a smile the moment that their eyes met.

Then, right behind him were two girls that Jae-in recognized to be Im Nayeon and Kim Jisoo from the photos not that long ago. Jisoo wore a simple black dress with a matching bag, yet it did more than enough to emphasize her beautiful presence. Her friend, Nayeon, stood near her wearing a beige coat over a white blouse as well as high-waist pants. She supplied each of them with a wide, bunny-like smile the moment she set her eyes on Yoon Jae-in.

“Look who I found ordering below,” Hongseok said as he moved to take the seat beside Jae-in. He then placed the tray having both of their orders while gesturing towards the other table. “We ordered ahead, so sorry about that. Jae-in and I reserved you the best seats in the house, so anyone can seat with us if you’re interested.”

“Well, before all of that, let me just introduce you to them,” Dawn said giving a short nod. “Guys, let me introduce you to Nayeon and Jisoo. Girls, these are my friends, Jae-in and Hongseok. You’ve already met Shinwon and Yeri a while back, so there we go.”

The four new comers exchanged nods and smiles, with Hongseok offering to give them a hand to shake. Fortunately, the newcomers Nayeon and Jisoo were fond of the gesture and returned the action. Pressured to do the same, Jae-in awkwardly stretched his hand and shook after his friend, with his eventual contact with Nayeon taking longer than usual, much to the interest of Jisoo’s friend.

“I think it would be better if you and Jisoo would sit there,” suggested Yeri as she pointed towards the other table bearing a reasonable distance from their own. “That way, we won’t hear you if you’d talk. You’ll get some privacy that way. You can sit with us, Nayeon-ssi, if you like.”

“Oh I’d love to,” Nayeon replied, pointing a finger towards the chair. Her question was met with a mutual gesture from both Hongseok and Jae-in almost at the same time. “You guys don’t mind me sitting with you, right?”

Given that mutual agreement between them, Jisoo and Dawn politely excused themselves from the rest of the members as they went on off ahead on a separate table. Nayeon, on the other hand, took the chair opposite Yoon Jae-in without hesitation, with Yeri following suit beside her and Shinwon sitting next to them.

“So, Nayeon-ssi,” Hongseok said, clearly taking charge of the conversation immediately to loosen off the awkward barrier. Jae-in always knew him to be the type who’d do that. “Welcome to our friend group. It’s nice to have someone new to talk to. Please don’t be awkward with us, but I don’t think you have that aura with you, right?”

Nayeon nodded with a wide smile. “I’m happy to be here. If you guys want to ask me some questions, feel free to do so. I do have an aura that you all have something to ask to me in some form, am I right?”

“Well, you’re not just pretty, you’re really smart too,” Hongseok said after taking a sip from his drink. He leaned in closer to the group and dialled down his voice. “I’ll cut it with the chase then, Nayeon. I’m quite interested how this entire thing happened with our boy Dawn over there. I heard that things were quite unusual, no? Is it true that he first talked to you?”

Hongseok does as he does best; skipping the formalities and hitting everything straight to the core. I’m glad that he’s invited here.

“I’m curious as well,” added Yeri. “I’ve only heard things from all of you through Shinwonnie here, and I’m more than surprised to even know that you and Dawn actually knew each other, Nayeon-ah.”

“Yeah, I found things really interesting as well. I certainly was not expecting a familiar face to see in a date like this; especially a former Middle school classmate such as Yeri here. But then again, the world is such a small place and things like this are bound to happen. It’s exciting that way, don’t you think?”

“So, I heard that you’re the one that made everything possible,” said Hongseok to Nayeon. “From what I’ve been hearing from Dawn there, you were the one who introduced them to each other, is that right Nayeon? I’m surprised that you and Dawn did not end up being the ones in the same table on this date; how come that was not the case?”

Nayeon smirked.

“Well, as much as Hyojong there is a pretty nice person to talk to, I guess we both mutually did not feel that sort of spark towards each other. Beside I’m just interested on…”

She shifted her gaze towards Jae-in, who was busy mixing the pearls of his bubble tea lodged on the bottom of the cup using the straw provided.

“…I’m interested on different kind of guys, so I guess we just didn’t click on that aspect. He’s not just for me, per se.”

“I see, so that’s the case. Well, it’s good that somehow this worked out towards Hyojong in the end. At least now that he has someone to talk to, he would no longer have to wait and…”

Whatever happened after Hongseok took charge of the conversation was quite thrown out of the window. Jae-in spaced out the moment that Nayeon joined their table, viewing it to be really awkward considering the last time he shared a table with a girl did not really end well. Unintentionally, he had that isolated feeling as Shinwon, Yeri, Hongseok and even the newcomer Nayeon shared their conversations as if he was the one who was new. There was no real particular reason for it; it’s just that he felt really left out all of a sudden.

It was certainly not because he was sad or anything; he’s sure that he’s not by any means. Jae-in had that sense of losing enthusiasm being around the friends he felt so far off at that time. Even during his spacing out, his eyes danced towards the figures of Jisoo and Dawn talking at the other table. He could not help but admire how picture-perfect they were framed along the glass-panels of the said café, with their figures etched in an amazing painting amidst the soft skies beyond. Their conversation was inaudible from where he was seated and yet he could see the genuine smiles that emanated from them both. The fact that all of this was a result of a collective effort of a good amount of people from United Kwangya… the results were just beautiful.

Of course, given that state he could not help but wonder how he and Soyeon would have turned out had things worked for both of them.

Would they be having the same kind of date as Hyojong and Jisoo are having now?

There was also another, completely unrelated question with that…

If Ningning made all of these possible, she’s supposed to be the first person to show up. Where is on earth she?

“Hey, Yoon Jae-in…!”

The sound of Shinwon’s voice immediately brought him back to the coffee shop with the rest of them. Jae-in didn’t even realize how long he was staying in silence, merely staring at the blank space of the cup’s dews formed on the outside surface. He didn’t even realize that the rest of the orders were already served and that everyone had their orders with them.

“Y-yeah…?” he remarked with a stutter, returning the obnoxious gaze that the rest of the table gave him. “Sorry, what was that?”

“You’re spacing out. You seem to be lost in so much thought,” Hongseok replied, tapping his back here. “We’re just about to tell you how rude you are for leaving Miss Nayeon there and not engaging on a conversation.”

“Yeah,” The girl, Nayeon, said with a smirk. “Your friends are talking about selling you to me in exchange for more drinks. You’re cute when you’re spacing out, though, I’ll give you that.”

What?

“Excuse him please. He just actually came from a break-up that’s why he’s like that,” blurted Shinwon, with Yeri beside him slapping his arm in retort. “Woops, it slipped out. Sorry man.”

“Oh, I’m sorry… I was just joking, by the way,” Nayeon said. “I didn’t know… but at least we know that you’re single.”

“You know what, now that we’re all here… well most of us, but anyway… can you just shine the light up on us on how you and Soyeon broke up anyway?” Hongseok said once again, taking command of the conversation like he did before.

“Why… why are you bringing this up right now?” asked Jae-in.

“Hey, if you all are going to talk about his past, I don’t think I should be here. I can just wedge in between Dawn and Jisoo’s conversation and make the guy a third wheel,” said Nayeon.

Jae-in shook his head and raised his hand to stop Nayeon on her tracks.

“No, no, it’s fine… you don’t need to leave. It’s… I really don’t mind.”

I doubt that she knows me or Soyeon that much to the point that it would matter that she knows anyway.

Plus, I really don’t mind. She seemed cool, so…

“Well, not only good looking but also really polite,” Nayeon remarked once again. “Alright, I’ll just pretend that I’m one of you. That doesn’t seem too hard to do.”

“Great then, so, what happened, Jae-in? Could you please enlighten us on what happened between you and Soyeon?”

“I’m curious as well,” Yeri said in agreement. “You two were so sweet from what I’ve heard, so this really came as a huge shock, especially since Soyeon’s been telling and updating me on what’s progressing between both of you. I certainly did not see this coming.”

She did that?

“I-Umm, well it’s complicated, but to cut the story short we never really worked out so we just decided… well, I decided that it’d be better if we went our separate ways… She didn’t entirely take that positively so, she’s mad at me I guess.”

“It turns out that Jae didn’t like Soyeon since the beginning,” Shinwon informed, causing Jae-in to eye him in shock as he clearly not expected him to blurt it out blatantly like that. It did not make it less of being true, however.

“Yeah well, that too. I’m kind of just struck with the alcohol when she confessed so I guess my reactions weren’t exactly… me, so to speak. Hongseok knows about this and I’ve talked about Shinwon pretty much has a good idea what I had in mind, because we already talked about it back then…”

“I got that right… I certainly won’t forget that,” Hongseok said with a teasing tone. “Well, that’s in the past. I already learned my lessons from that even in Sizzlers so we’re good. Let me ask: is it really over for the two of you? Is there zero chance of you ever talking to her again?”

“On terms of a romantic thing… I would say yes... maybe. However, I would definitely not close doors on her if the opportunity would give us a chance to be friends again. I kept on thinking that we started off on the wrong foot anyway, so we are bound to start talking again at some point, I hope.”

“I guess it makes sense now why you were so hesitant towards her, man… You know if you just told us that you didn’t like her in the first place, Ningning and I could’ve just told Soyeon and all the fuss didn’t happen. Maybe not tell her of everything but at least give her some hints that the impact would not be this troublesome. You are, I think, the first ever guy that rejected Soyeon’s advances, an act of which owes a huge respect on my regard. It’s hard to do that.”

“It might be my pride that’s not letting me do that before, but trust me: that’s what I’ve been planning to do all these times even before we had that talk. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it until I just did it out of pure desire to tell her the truth. I didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be, but things could’ve been worse. You know, it is what it is. I’ll just have to deal with the outcome.”

Hongseok smiled. “Do you miss her though?”

Their table went awfully silent with the rest of them anticipating for Jae-in’s answer.

“I’d lie if I say I didn’t miss her. I think that’s a pretty normal thing to say.”

Yeri nodded, and due to the ensuing silence, Jae-in continued.

“Soyeon’s really very caring and is really relentless on showing her feelings, but sometimes it’s just too much. Maybe that’s what caused me to feel a bit strangled and obliged to do the things she does; pressured to return the same level and grade of affection towards her to be even. Not to mention, we have a lot of uncommon interests. Shinwon already had a hint that we’d not work out for that long.”

“If given a chance though,” Yeri asked. “Would you still date now? It doesn’t have to be Soyeon, let’s say a new person comes up at a much unexpected time, are you even up for it? I’m sure those things are not really that impossible right?”

Shinwon nodded. “That’s a good question. Things like that really do happen especially when you’re not looking for it.”

Nayeon, on the other hand, shifted on her seat as she waited eagerly for Jae-in’s reply. The young man was about to reply when he shook his head, effectively breaking free of the invisible spell the group unintentionally cast on him.

“Wait a minute, why are you all ganging up on me now, hmmm? I answered things because I thought that it would be just a one-time thing, how come we’re bringing my life onto the table all of a sudden? I thought we’re supposed to be here for Dawn?”

“I mean, given that, but you really can’t deny that it’s an interesting question,” said Hongseok from his side. “You have a tendency to go missing from the chat, especially after you and Soyeon broke up.”

“I don’t do that, man.”

“Actually you do, Jae-in.”

“I want to know as well…” Nayeon seconded, her face showing a hint of shyness this time around.

I really don’t get why Nayeon is so into this. We literally just met. I do hope she’s just kidding because it feels… suspicious.

Gearing up for an answer is so stupid for this. I never thought that I’d be brought upon the hot seat.

“I… I never really closed my heart for things. It would feel like a crime against nature to go against it. If a destined person comes, I’m sure that I’m going to feel it so… I’m not closing doors. If she comes, she comes.”

“Say Jae-in,” Hongseok asked after taking a sip from his tea. “If there’s someone out there who’s like Soyeon, but not Soyeon, would you go for it?”

“What the fuck is that question? I don’t really have standards on people anyway and you know of that. I have preferences, but I’m not pigeonholed into just those things. We’ll work out if we do, right?”

Silence erupted between them after a unison of ‘oohs’, with only the soft exchange of voices heard from Dawn’s table, followed by the soft laughs coming from Jisoo. Surprisingly, the very first person to break the silence barrier was Nayeon. She began her query by clearing her throat.

“Since I’m into this anyway, can I ask you a question as well?”

“Uhh… sure, go ahead.”

“Are you currently looking for someone or even eyeing a person right now?”

“Ehh… not really…”

“Is that true…?” Shinwon interfered. “Even though you never really developed legitimate feelings for Soyeon, you never thought of liking anyone else? Come on, North Line has a lot of pretty girls, I’m sure at least you’ve met someone that caught your eye.”

“That’s not the case. I’m… I guess I was just too busy enjoying life with you guys.”

“Why don’t you try looking for people if that’s the case?” Yeri asked.

“As much as having someone is really nice, I’m… I’m not into it. Not now, at least. I just want to focus on myself, clear things first. I’ll have to stand by what I told Soyeon; otherwise I just broke us up on the premise of a lie.”

“You’ll never really know that, Jae-in… I’m pretty sure at the time you’re going to meet your ‘one’; you’ll eat up every single word and promise you wrote in the air. Feelings do affect that much and it’s crazy when you think about it.”

“Well, if that does happen, then at least there’s one less sad person in the world. Cheers to that.”

It may have been a weird action to offer a toast with bubble teas, yet it was the one thing that Jae-in could think off to bring himself out of the situation. The conversation had reached a point that it was starting to be uncomfortable to everything that he was hearing. That seemed to be the safest, most polite way of getting out of the conversation and he merely grabbed it the first chance he saw. It worked out perfectly in the end.

---

I do not exactly know what helped ease the transition there, but I trust that maybe Hongseok caught up with the spell and immediately understood what was going on. If I did not know better, maybe he got flashbacks from what happened to Sizzlers that he got careful in his words; which I do appreciate. It was not the intention, but I’m glad that it worked out in the end.

We stayed on the café for about an hour or so, shifting the topic from my personal love life to other things that Shinwon could bring into the table. Things slowly started to fade away into the distance as Hongseok began to be the centre of the conversation. Time has passed and we didn’t even notice Dawn and Jisoo’s request to join tables into one huge, conversation for the new comers. Thankfully, the atmosphere started to be a bit friendly to me that I was able to join into the conversation further, but not with the occasional teasing coming from Nayeon. Even Jisoo seem to support on whatever her friend was doing.

But like all dates, at some point it had to end.

Among all of the members that joined the little get-together, it was me who ended up joining Dawn as we walked with Jisoo and Nayeon. Shinwon and Yeri seemed to have another date of their own, while Hongseok insisted of heading off home earlier because of prior commitments. The skies have begun to darken, with the soft patches of purple appearing on the once-blue sky, signalling the entrance of twilight onto the impending evening.

Dawn, Nayeon, Jisoo and I were all walking side-by-side, crossing the pedestrian lane towards the busy street where we would eventually part ways. Jisoo and Nayeon already agreed to head on off to Metro Station, on what I would imagine to talk about Dawn and what follows next. Hyojong, on the other hand, asked me to come walking down with him perhaps thinking of the same exact thing for Jisoo.

“So… I guess this is where we finally split paths,” I heard Jisoo say as she and Nayeon turned in place to face us. “We had fun. It was nice to meet all of you, and your friends are really fun to be with as well.”

“You forgot that they’re good looking as well,” added Nayeon, followed by an awkward eye-contact towards me.

I really don’t know what else to do so I just smiled.

“I’m happy that you had that impression. I had fun, so… it’s good-bye for now?” Dawn asked with a wide smile. Jisoo replied by nodding and eventually giving the two guys short bows. Nayeon immediately followed her gesture.

“Well, please take care heading home. I’ll see you around, and maybe out on another one like this… I hope that this won’t be the last, Hyojong-ah.”

“I’ll see you around school, Jisoo, Nayeon… thank you.”

“I have a reason to thank you too, so we’re even,” she replied.

I smiled and bowed, copying what Dawn had done to maintain consistency as well as courtesy. We gave our farewell waves to them both and proceeded to head down the long road. However, before we could even reach a good amount of distance, I heard Nayeon say my name.

“Good bye, Jae-in…!”

I turned my head towards her, about in perfect time to see her run a finger behind her ear and then proceeding to give me a teasing smile. I could only do so much but nod and smile as I resumed walking beside Dawn on a rather awkward and unexpected situation, probably made worse with a teasing chuckle from my friend.

“Would you look at that; Nayeon seemed to be interested in you, you know.”

“I think otherwise, man. I feel like she’s just teasing me, so I never made it a big deal even though she’s like that throughout the date.”

Dawn chuckled, which I really did expect to come from him.

“She’s always like that. I don’t even know if she’s sure half the time.”

“Yeah, but enough about me; congratulations, man; you really pulled this off and managed to bring her out on a date. Next time, it would just be the two of you and that’s going to be the start.”

“Man yeah I’m really looking forward for what’s ahead of me. I won’t waste everyone’s effort and I’ll truly pursue her.”

“I’ll just be supporting you. I’m sorry that I got really busy last week; I didn’t even know that you already finished the overhaul and managed to get a good impression. Shinwon told me about everything. It seemed that you never stopped working even after we had that convo. I’m proud of your achievements Dawnie boy.”

“Things got a bit fast, but at least it all went well. All I have to do now was to not fuck this up.”

“Yeah sure… like that’s going to happen…”

“Of course, I do hope that things like this would not only happen to me. I want all of you to be happy as well, especially you, Jae-in. I know that you just broke up with Soyeon, but I’m positive that you’re going to get your girl soon. On that note, why don’t you try my method out?”

I grinned.

“Ah, I know that it might be really effective but I’m not interested in looking for people just yet; not until Soyeon’s still fresh inside my memory. It would be a while ‘til I get comfortable going out with someone.”

“I guess I can respect that, man… I guess you really did not like her, huh?”

“Well, among a lot of things, yeah… it is what it is. Can’t force myself unto someone I’m not entirely into, right?”

Dawn and I paused for a moment as we continued walking down the path. The skies have now completely darkened as stars finally shone in the distance. In turn, the first batches of street lights as well as establishment illuminations were a discrete sign that evening was fast approaching.

“Have you… Have you told Soyeon of the real reason why you broke up with her, though?” I heard Dawn ask after we passed by a well-occupied cake shop.

“I did. I told her of everything. I even got slapped for it, remember?”

“Did you tell her, like EVERYTHING?”

“Hmmm…? What are you going at?”

“Did you tell Soyeon that you broke up with her because you already have a girlfriend?”

---

Next Chapter: The Ideal Girlfriend

[prismatoxic]

(ID in alt!)

hey there! my name is tox and I'm a 29-year-old gay trans man who loves writing, drawing, playing video games, and thinking about fictional men kissing.

writing tag art tag original text posts/post additions tag promises to keep tag (in case that's why you're here)

my current main fandom is dungeon meshi, and my main ship for that is chilaios. I'm caught up on the anime and have read the manga; my spoiler tags are #dunmeshi spoilers (for general major story spoilers and things the anime hasn't gotten to yet) and #dunmeshi anime spoilers (for details specific to new or imminently upcoming anime episodes).

some other fandoms you may see from time to time are the legend of zelda, persona (mostly 4 and 5), fall out boy, gravity falls, cult of the lamb, star trek (mostly tos and lower decks), dragon age, and a random collection of others I'm also into. I typically tag for fandom (especially if it's one likely to show up again on my blog), as well as ship if applicable. I'm also massively into OCs and have many of my own, several of which are shared with my partner, @/captainfkingmagic. you'll see those a lot.

I also reblog a lot of general stuff, from queer discussions to fandom discourse to stuff I just find funny. I have an organizational tag system and I also add commentary tags to a lot of things. (sorry for clogging your notes with those if I reblog from you a lot.)

generally speaking, I don't really do the DNI stuff, but that said: my blog is 18+ and I will block minors who follow me or message me directly. I'm also profic as you can see in the above image and my blog description; this means I believe everyone should have the freedom to depict and enjoy anything they want to in fiction. I do not condone irl harm of any kind (unless it's consensual, I'm pro-kink too!). if you are someone who hates "illegal ships" or has "proship DNI" in your bio, you won't like it here, and I'll block you if I notice you in my notes.

to wrap this up, I am forgetful and shy but I do really love engaging with people, so I'm generally happy to answer messages if you're not being a dick (I will block you if you are). anon asks are on at present and will stay on unless people use them to harass me; feel free to send me stuff! I'm always open to being corrected/given additional info for anything I post or reblog, as well, so don't be afraid to send such messages as long as you're polite. my ask box is currently closed, i'll open it again at some point in the future. feel free to send me DMs though!

other places you can find me:

ao3 aethy twitter buzzly my chilaios discord server, which is also where I post updates and behind the scenes stuff for my fic promises to keep! (make sure to fully read the rules!)

[bellysoupset]

How I organize this blog.

This is a post specifically for writers and kink-writers. I'm gonna be talking about how *I* organize my stuff and a system that I feel works well.

It doesn't mean my way is the only way, but it IS a way I've found manageable and as someone with 200+ fics, being easy to navigate is my number 1 concern.

Under the cut 👇

Tagging system

This is my touchstone, my everything in this blog. I have three "categories" of tags I use.

Character Tag: So I tag my sickee in every fic. JUST the sickee/whumped charcter. I try to use the full name (Lucas Atwood) or the nickname that is easier to come to mind (Vince Monacelli).

Why is this important? One day you're going to get an anon saying "hey I'd really like to read all your fics with John". And then you'll have to go and hunt for all your fics with John. One day you'll be writing something and be like "is Mary allergic to peanuts?" and then you'll want to go back and read just the Mary fics. This WILL happen and you'll be glad you can just click the "Mary" tag and go through all your Mary fics.

Organization Tag: I use #mywriting for every single fic I write, tiny or large. Other tags I also use #myocs for all questions I get regarding them and #ocsfaces for everything I've ever posted regarding their appearance. I also use #meta for everything regarding the act of writing.

Why is it important? Sometimes you'll want to reblog other creators' works or you'll go on an answering asks spree and then suddenly, if someone was to stumble in your blog, your writing is actually in page 3 or 4. This is why #mywriting is important, so people can go straight to that, sorted by the most recent piece. Also, updating your masterlist is a pain in the ass, but tagging is easy. You WILL get asks about your OCs eye color, height, whatever, this is the reason for the other two tags.

Please Notice Me Tags: Well, I write sick fics, so everything is tagged #sickfic, #emetophilia, #flu... etc etc. This is just so other likeminded people will find your stuff in the tag! It can also serve as an organization tag if you remember that you always tag "#stomach flu", but I sometimes flip flop between how to tag each illness so in my case is not for organization, is more for marketing reasons.

Why is it important? Well, you put time and effort into this! You want people to read it <3

-

Pinned Post

This is already common practice around these lands, but here are some things I think are important.

Add your tags (character and organization, only. Not the marketing tags) to your pinned post, so you can easily find them. My pinned post has every character I have tagged, because its easier for ME to navigate my own blog this way.

Please, for the love of god, assign a name to yourself. It doesn't have to be your name, hell it doesn't have to be even A name, it can be "Book/Seven/Cool Dog Name", it just makes it so much easier to interact with other creators when I don't have to call them "kinkmasteremeto102" every time I reblog from them.

Either have your masterlist under a "read more" in your pinned post or add a link to it. I recommend having a link to your masterlist, it has worked to me and this way you can reblog the masterlist without having to reblog your pinned post with more personal info every time.

If there's something you absolutely don't write, don't want requests, this is the place to put it! Make it clear from the get go to avoid exhausting interactions.

In my case I know people mostly come to my blog for emeto, so I mark my fics that have no emeto with **, but that's just personal preference, it doesn't actually make my life easier.

-

Archive

One day, maybe next week, maybe in six months, another tumblr scare "the website is going down" will happen. And then you'll freak out and cry, if you're like me and doesn't wanna lose your fics in case this website goes up in smoke.

I HIGHLY recommend saving your fics elsewhere, as well as tumblr. Not to have a reader base there, just for safety. Here are some options:

Archiveofourown, tagged as original work: it's a fucking hassle to put up, but if you're starting to post works, it's actually very easy to maintain. In my case, with 200+ fics it didn't work bc I didn't have the patience to upload all of them there, but as a creator who still has a small number and working your way up, I think this is a good one!

Google Drive. Scary, I know, because Google is watching over you, but this is the method that worked for me. Here's how I do it: have a google account JUST for my kink stuff, that has no ties whatsoever to my real person. Not the security email, not a similar password, nothing. Only use it in an anonymous tab and then you can use the entire Drive Suite to upload your fics in a big document, your OC info in a google sheet, etc etc.

Waybackmachine. I haven't actually ever used this one, but I know its an internet archive and you can take "snapshots" of your blog, so they're saved there forever. Unsure how it works, though.

----

Oh ANOTHER thing. Always tag your anons if they sign their stuff. I know it's common practice already, but doesn't hurt to reiterate.

If you get an ask signed as - 🙈anon, tag the fic/request/answer with "# 🙈 anon" as well, this way the anon can later easily find their question in your blog. 💛

If anyone has a question regarding this in specific, my askbox is always open.

[masked-and-doomed]

NEW ME NEW INTRO!!

Hello, I'm Kat/Kats (or Yomotsu), welcome!! I am so normal about my boyfriends.

Please feel free to ask me about my OC, UG!! Hell, even cooler if you do it in a roleplay kinda way.

Other places you can find me:

@katsdoodles - art blog/archive.

Discord: thatonekats

👆 just in case. Tumblr explodes. Talk to me if you wanna ig (I am not good at conversing. So. Keep that in mind.)

Ao3: ThatOneKat2

👆 Might as well have it here. I've been more in a writing mood this year.

Twitter: @ThatOneKats

I have a twitter now I fucking guess. A bit of bonus content there (a little bit more of unhinged thoughts) but you're not missing much if you don't go there.

--

Suspected BPD, have been diagnosed autistic. I will feel things very intensely either forever or feel nothing about it in the next hour max. You may see vent posts. Every now and then. Check the tagging system to block em out.

I am deeply in love and sickly affectionate for my 4 darlings. They're my boyfriends, girlfriends, besties- our relationship? Is uhh whatever man. It's love. It's love. (Also not the best fathers but hey I take what I can get)

First two being Yomotsu Hirasaka (pfp), and Takao Hiyama. They are my most intense hyperfixation of 2 years.! They are from Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. An anime/manga which I don't really like.

The next beloved is Pocketcat! He is from Fear and Hunger. He's. A silly :) There's so much intrigue of him aaaghhh ough he is so sad.

Last one !! Faust. From Guilty Gear. He's a. He's somebody. Got him on Valentine's Day. He makes me a different kind of ill. Alas, this doctor cannot cure me.

They're 💙 just like me fr. I love them. URL is them btw. Masked men, doomed.

(comfortable with sharing and gushing together with everyone. I don't mind if you send or @ me in stuff that has Faust shipped with someone, (I like appreciating art of Faust in any form :] ) just know I'm uncomfy with all (canon x canon) Faust ships except Happy Chaos, meaning that I won't talk about them (eg., fau.slayer) together.)

I am. Also obsessed with my lambs as well. (The Conclave, consisting of Axus, Libraria, Baldias, and Chronus) They mean a lot to me. I wish to give them happiness they didn't have the time nor place for. You will see me reblog lambs and tag it as them. Feel free to send me lamb pictures, effectively beaming Conclave to me.

NOTE! I do sometimes post about needing my darlings to kill themselves, or wish great harm upon them. I will not always have positive things to say about them. I am a hater as much as I am a lover. (Not the "I want him dead" (lovingly) (though I do have sadism and would enjoy killing them for the fun of it), I have genuine hatred towards them all (Libraria the least) and I loathe their existence.

(if I had to guess, this is the bpd doing its thing)

--

Yayaya tagging system time!

#ah rambling - general yapping tag

#[MN/funger] rambling - ramblings of MN or funger

#[MN/funger] bangers - memes/shitposts of that fandom

#oc time - posts about the little OCs I have (currently empty. DW about it)

#unnamed girlie - posts about my self insert. (UG for short)

#UG spoilers - in case you wanna go through the UG tag but not be spoiled about the endings and such.

#guy in my head - headcanon posts

#doodle tag - stuff not high effort enough to put into my art blog goes here

#reblog moment - reblogs! So you can filter them out

#lovesick - yandere / obsessive behaviour

#gatito - kitty tag.

#belalang beloveds - grasshopper tag. Belalang is grasshopper in Malay :)

#art save - images I wanna draw (typically memes I wanna draw with my guys)

#art reference material - reblogs of posts with helpful art stuff

#general reference material - reblogs of posts with whatever that isn't art. Not really 'general' perse but I don't have another word

#epic meowtual art - art by the meowtuals!

#ask game - reblogs of ask game posts

#ask game answer - answers to asks abt the ask game

#hello asker - ask tag

#tag game - reblog of posts that are meant to have you tag other ppl to continue the chain

#negative. And #/negative are used for vent posts. Make those sometimes.

#hxrny aroace on main - (mind the x) epic posts where I feel feelings for some characters (carnally)

#fanfic shit idfk - posts related to fanfics I'm reading (or something like that)

#girl what you on?? - posts where I'm in some sort of delirium, talking to my beloveds. And being ill about them.

#shit I send to fictional guy - posts I'd send to fictional characters. Will prob have their name tagged too.

#unnamed oc core - wow it's just like him fr. Many things will be tagged this btw. They are not okay. (Same person as UG jsyk)

#pocketkitty - for posts I don't want in the pocket.cat tag or reblogging posts that are like pocket.cat. (only applies to him everyone else gets tagged with their name in posts that are like them)

#robot nephew - similar to pocketkitty just that it's. Mr robo.t K.y

#silly doctor man - I fell into gui.lty g.ear and now I'm in love with this bozo. When I don't want it to be in the main tag. Yes like pocketkitty and robo bo.

#mister omelette - guy that asks which came first the chicken or the egg. Answers himself, it's omelette.

#mask quartet - fucking stupid masked bitches trying to save humanity gone wrong

Liveblog tags:

Guilty gear: #pride in my gears: sign, #pride in my gears: rev, #pride in my gears: overture, #pride in my gears: strive

--

Tag me in stuff you think I like!! I don't mind! Or like tag games.

There's also a *cough cough* side blog. For degenerate thoughts of mine. If you want it just give a DM ig.

--

Pictures i want here

(This applies mostly to Faust. Sorry not sorry Faust. I will give you the worst horrors.)

(This is me any time someone mentions Conclave. I wish I could say I was exaggerating. I'll just say that Conclave has spiked my libido and I've been the fastest to draw suggestive art of them and write smut of them than of any other character I've fallen in love with. I need them carnally. And I tell you, it is a need.)

[fischerfrey]

a psa regarding the upcoming release of hogwarts legacy:

disclaimer: the following is not targeted towards anyone in particular

this has been said a billion times and i’m getting kind of tired of saying this: no, buying and playing the game does not immediately make you a bad person or a transphobe.

however, if you do buy the game, you’re not being an ally to trans people. being an ally requires giving up things you don’t want to give up. it’s recognizing that your entertainment is not more important than the dignity and rights of trans people and the dignity and rights of jewish people, since the story seems to lean heavily on antisemitic tropes.

i really don’t want to hear your justification for why you buy or play the game, that’s your business. but if people don’t feel comfortable engaging with your content anymore, or have an opinion to share that makes you uncomfortable, then i want you all to know, from the bottom of my heart, it’s not trans or jewish people tearing this community apart.

i say this all as a non-binary person who is obviously still creating content for hphl era (and the hp universe at large, but that’s a whole other conversation). i got into hphl not really knowing any of the game’s context. i should’ve looked into the background more, but i saw people creating ocs for late 1800s and i ate that shit up.

i chose to be a part of this fandom. i chose not to drop harry potter once i realised what kind of person jkr is. that was my choice and everyone is entitled to make their own. but choosing to support this particular game, even after everything that has come out about it, is going to affect this small corner of the hp fandom that we have all created together. there’s nothing to be done about that.

however you feel about this issue, i don’t condone hate or harassment. there are discussions to be had here but i really, really hope we can have them in a respectful manner.

i love my hphl era ocs, and i’m not going anywhere. i might start using a different tag for my legacy-adjacent content though, since my story lines really have nothing to do with the game anyway.

i wanted to play this game so badly. i wanted it to be good. but i’m not buying it, even if the story line ends up not being as antisemitic as the trailers made it out to be (doubtful, but hey, it could happen). i strongly encourage engaging in some good, old-fashioned piracy if you want to try it out.

please watch this video, or at least the part about legacy itself (starts at around 2 hours and 13 minutes), if you have the time:

undefined

“i know many people say and feel like ‘well capitalism makes us all complicit in one way or another. why bother fighting this fight? why not buy this game if it makes me happy? rowling’s gonna rowling anyway, regardless of what i do.’ and it creates a cognitive dissonance in people. they realise jk rowling is causing harm but they don’t wish to feel like a bad person if they want to play the game. they want to be made to feel okay.”

“but what discourse like this does is try to comfort those who want to buy the game, to make them feel like they’re still good people if they support a system that causes harm, because they can’t fight it anyways. yet it ignores that you do actually have power. it tries to make you forget that you don’t have an obligation to buy the game. you don’t have to give it your attention.”

to reiterate: i don’t think everyone who buys and/or plays this game is a terrible person, but i do disagree with those saying that buying the game is a non-issue.

finally, there are so many good games out there that don’t support a terf or subscribe to antisemitic tropes!!! i know you all fellow gamers have loads of unplayed games on your devices or libraries just waiting for you to play them. maybe try those out instead. 

[sealrock]

what do the emojis mean on your post?

hey anon, if you mean my blog in general I use emojis as a tagging system for my characters since it's easier to keep track of because I'm usually on the app

they're linked in my pinned post but here's a breakdown of who's who and the symbolism (or lack thereof) behind them. gonna put this under a read more since it's gonna be long:

roster emojis:

🍃 = paris. a lively leaf floating through the wind with no sense of direction. paris and hector share the same motifs as being leaves that fell off the tree and how far they've traveled

🍂 = hector. a dried up rotten leaf that stopped drifting in the wind, very fragile and brittle. it will crumble under the slightest pressure

🥀 = andromache. a wilting rose. the tatlongharis have a flower motif so I wanted to keep up that symbolism with andi being a dying rose with no water (aka emotional support)

💀 = kirke. a skull. it's kinda funny because this emoji is used in comedic situations but it represents kirke's undead state and her not truly being alive as a cloud of nanomachines. decay is a common theme for her

⚰️ = yves. a coffin and a leftover from yves' earlier characterization as an undead, or half-dead, void knight. I may end up changing this once I finalize his new lore since it doesn't fit his aesthetic anymore (less immortal aether vampire being and more psycho mantis mgs mixed with alma wade f.e.a.r.)

🎐 = tauvane. a stationary wind chime. I actually couldn't find a nice emoji for her in the beginning since the newer ones don't display correctly on web browsers (at least for me since I'm still on win10). it doesn't really fit her current lore but her and achille share weather motifs

🌻 = evander. a bright sunflower that falls in line with the tatlongharis flower theme. it represents happiness and a good life, which is the total opposite of evander's backstory and personality

🌼 = patroclus. it's a white daisy (but it looks like a yellow flower on mobile) and connects him to the tatlongharis. daisies symbolize innocence and purity, just like him

🌪️ = achille. a tornado to symbolize his turbulent emotions and now retconned weather powers. back when I started developing achille he was supposed to have sea/water motifs because tauvane was originally a pirate

romantic emojis:

💐 = hector/andromache. a bouquet of flowers that's meant to symbolize their previous relationship when everything was good and quaint

🌤️ = achille/patroclus. a sun and a cloud. patroclus is the sun (bright and warm) and achille is the tiny cloud (meant to be his hidden desires slowly becoming seen)

⛓️ = yves/kirke. a link of chains. their relationship is more violent and toxic to contrast hector and andi. they're chained together because they're drawn to each other's dark desires and impulses

platonic emojis:

🌿 = hector & paris. it's technically an herb but I see it as a plant farther along in growth compared to paris and their mom. despite their own issues, paris and hector got along well until the end

🌱 = andromache & paris. a sprout or seedling that struggles to grow. keeping with the general plant/nature theme with the tatlonghari x wormwood families, the relationship between parent and child is slow going, but there's a chance for it to bloom

🌧️ = tauvane & achille. a sad rain cloud. this is also a leftover from their previous characterizations but it seems to fit their current stages of development since tragedy is a motif shared between mother and son

🏵️ = tatlonghari family. a golden rosette that I imagine as their family crest. this is a catchall emoji for the npcs and parts of my ocs that are affiliated with the family; familial trauma is a major theme here

[francis-talbot]

“well hey there!! anything ya lookin’ for? y’know I AM the spiritual type!”

asks = open

main = @cenri-monpi

main info :

this blog is for my dialtown oc Francis C. Talbot! a character from the fangame i’m developing !!

he is the classic snake oil salesman , scamming innocent people with fake crystals, dyed water and random plants he found with claims that they can head ya! he also do tarot readings / fortune telling if you ask but it’s most likely to get you to buy sm else form him

but as a remnant past with the mayor , he does do advertisements ! honestly he’ll do any gig as long as you pay him well !!

he is pretty two-faced , got a god complex and is a bit of a whore- as for his true personality but usually he is pretty loud and pushy when it comes to it.

got a little adhd and maybe autism !

currently he is single ! but mayyyy change ;3

aka just spamton g spamton , patrick bateman and monika from ddlc as one guy

here is his reference sheet !

rules :

sexual and/or romantic asks are allowed! just don’t take em too far and don’t aim em at mod pls !

same sort of deal with threats !

i would very much appreciate that we stay kind to each other too !! so don’t go harassing other askers pls

role play is really hecking cool and allowed!! encouraged even !

please don’t spam my inbox! if i don’t answer right away i’m most likely thinking of an answer or just busy !! so please refrain from spamming or i will block or just not answer at all

basic dni criteria

((if these are not respected then you will be blocked))

other info :

will use the same colour system as dt !! but he’s associated with the colour orange mostly !

anything with lore will be tagged accordingly!! but may not give too much away due to spoilers for my own game ((if ya wanna see more off this fella pls go ahead n follow the development))

with that all out of the way! SEE U ALL SOON !! :3

[harringtonstilinski]

Always The Babysitter - Chapter One: The Vanishing of Will Byers ; Teaser

Author: @harringtonstilinski​ Characters: Steve Harrington x Olivia Henderson(OC) (eventually) Word Count: 178 Warnings: none A/N: Hi, friends! It’s been a while, and I know I’ve left you hanging and I’m incredibly sorry about it. For it being Steve’s birthday, I decided to give y’all a teaser for Chapter One of ATB. I hope this makes y’all excited for this series. If you are, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox. As always, read at your own risk and enjoy 😊

“I really hope you’re being careful with her,” I said. “She doesn’t need to have the reputation like all of your other cohorts. She isn’t like that.”

“Liv, I’m not–”

“You better not be. Don’t forget, I know where you sleep.”

He smiled a little, knowing I was right. I guess he decided to have some weird lame-ass comeback ‘cause he said, “Clothes get a little darker there, Henderson?”

When he looked over my head, I realized why he said that. Tommy H. and Carol.

“Yeah, well, I’d rather dress in dark clothing than dress like the ultimate geek,” I said. Turning to face Tommy H and Carol, I really didn’t want to waste my breath on them, so I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

“That’s right,” Carol said. “Walk away.”

Turning to walk backwards, I said, “Hey, Carol. Why don’t you stop being a bitch? Maybe then you wouldn’t have to beg for friendships from people that dress like nerds.” I walked straight to class, not thinking about them for the rest of the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N 2:  hi, friends! i hope y’all liked this, and it got y’all excited for always the babysitter. i’m working as hard as i can on it. again, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox.

Additional Note: i know that some of y’all are waiting to see your requests, and i promise i’ll get to them. the writer’s block hit really bad with them. atb is the only thing i have motivation to write for at the moment. once i receive my ged, i’ll have more time to sit down and write them.

~~~

Forever / Everything Taglist: @stiles-o-dylan24​​​ @stixnstripesworld​​​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​​​ @quanticobae​​​ @mischiefandi​​​ @kellyashcroft​​​ @lauren-novak​​​​

Steve Harrington Taglist: none yet!

If you’re tagged and didn’t want to be, please let me know.

~~~

*Please don’t post my writing anywhere else without my consent. The author of this work will always and forever be @harringtonstilinski​.

All characters, story lines, and plot aside from y/n and her storyline & plot, are all of the work of The Duffer Brothers.

*These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

Posted on April 29, 2023 *Happy Birthday, Steve Harrington!*

[catsartwoah]

Artblog Masterpost!!

Woaahh... somebody scribbled here... ------------------------------------------- Hi hi hi!! This is My (Cat's) side blog for all muh art and junkie junk! If you're lost (L) and looking for my main (W), it can be found at @my-catsface ! ------------------------------------------- Like the description said, I DO take art requests, though these will probably just be little pencil or pen sketches. If you're interested, I DO take commissions! I'll probably edit this post with a caard link or something when I work all that out... for now just dm me if interested I suppose? ------------------------------------------- Tagging System (I add stupid extra tags all the time. These will be consistent)

#catsartwahoo - What ALL of my art will be tagged with! I will probably ramble here about my OC stuff so thats what'll be excluded from this. Use this if you want to only see art and not the blarg!

#digital art - All my digital art! I'm mostly a digital artists so this will be used... a lot...

#traditional art - I do a LOT of school sketches and little doodles, so that's what this will be used for most likely.

#sculpture - Hey hey hi!! I sculpt too!! Really really big polymer clay user, and it's a really fundamental part of me that makes me happy! I probably won't use this one as often as I'd want to, but it's still important and I want it to go here!

#fandom art - This stuff will probably be tagged with separate tags relating to the actual fandom itself tbh #requests - Requests I've taken from others!! #commisions - Ooooo commission time!! This is where you can see all the commissions I've done for other people! I'll make sure to link/shoutout/mention the OG character owner and whatnot on these as well. #cats ocs n worlds - Ohhh the big one. This one might be used a lot too. I am BIG into my own head and my own nonsense, so most of the stuff here will probably be about my own stuff. I'll use this both on the ramblings AND the art of my ocs so use this one if you want both art and text stuff. The current tags that are related to this one are #tales from the Aether RP server and #legion of heroes RP server

-------------------------------------------

[jev-urisk]

Heeyyy :> I would like the biggest infodump on Kazimier you have pls. All the details.

A 💋Kazimier💋 infodump?!? Oh goodness, where do I start 😵‍💫 (Also thank you for asking!). I'm going dump a few favorite things, if I try to dump it all in one Imma be typing instead of feeding myself today 😂

(He's tagged #7c kazi on everything I've posted on him so far if you're somehow thirsty for more after this)

💋Who:

Kazimier (Kashj-meer), an OC for my story 7 Circles

He's not sure what his parents named him, but as a kid he had this Cashmere sweater that acted as his safety blanket and eventually 'brat in the Cashmere sweater' became 'hey Cashmere'. He decided on the spelling when he learned to read/write.

💋What:

Shapeshifter Incubus Hybrid.

Genderfuid (pronouns based on appearance).

On the asexual spectrum.

Just shy of 6 feet tall.

Very likely autistic.

A bastard.

(Feel free to hit me w/specific what questions cuz this can get real outta hand)

💋Where:

He's not sure where he was born, but he's been in Du’Preve as long as he can remember.

Du'Preve is the 4th and final district of the Halkyon Empire. It's a place that's big and abrasive like New York, full of sleezy entertainment like Las Vegas, and is a trashy dupsterfire like the Jersey turnpike.

Du'Preve is home to vampires, gorgons, gargoyles, litches, and hybrids. Collectively they're called Du'Preve'd, darklings, 4th class, nightcrawlers, or just 'lowers'.

But recently he got caught by the govt system and shipped out to District 1 🫶 sucks to suck.

💋When/history:

I don't want to give up tooooo much. 🤔Hmm. He's almost 300yrs old. No clue who his parents were but was a cute kid who found means to shelter himself. A couple centuries and a lot of trauma later and he's a calculating distrustful member of the criminal underground willing to do whatever it takes to avoid revisiting the past.

💋Why (did I make him?):

The thought for my wip 7 Circles began during quarantine 2020. I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and when my school semester ended my skin was crawling with creativity that didn't have an outlet. So I gave in and downloaded tiktak.

Im a drag persormer/cosplayer and ended up on the side of the app where folks collaborate on settings and interact in-character as their ocs to create a story. I joined as my OC Kazimier and not long after, I began interacting with the charming, dark-eyed OC, 'Klaus Calvaire'. We started messaging to plot story collabs.. then started messaging just to say hi.. then messaged our lives to one another.

This witty, handsome, well-written person was flattering me enough by collaborating so much with me- then they fell in love with me, moving 1000s of miles to live life alongside me. I'm humbled every morning that I'm dating the mind behind my internet crush, and we share whispers about our ocs as we hold one another each night.

The og tag group splintered, the clock app is no longer great for my brain, but Kazimier and Klaus are still going on adventures alongside me and my unlikely lover, 4yrs and over 100k words later. ❤️

💋How (did he come to be?):

Personality was originally based on what I thought would be interesting to write, but then I accidentally added chemical X (my truma) and ended up with a bastard.

As for his looks.. they're based off my drag performance style/makeup🫣. Like.. he was a cosplay before he was really a character. It's embarrassing and strange and delightful all at once that this mf kinda looks like me. 😳

Soooooo, Yeah! He's my most developed blorbastard so there's a lot more, but I'll leave the rest for more asks. If you have further q's feel free to send them!

Hope this wasn't too much of an overload lol if you made it this far thank you so so much, I hope the muses bless your wip 🙏

[andlatitude]

Hey! I've been wanting to do this for awhile, but I could never figure out how to say what I wanted to. I've come to the conclusion that I probably never will, fully, so I'm gonna take a stab at it— it's long, please bear with me.

I don't usually follow blogs like yours; most of the art you post is of OCs or fandoms I'm not a part of and I generally find it hard to be invested in original non-concept art (I really enjoy world-building concepts, but individual characters are harder for me). OC art tends to be snippets, bits and pieces; the random points of a developing character which makes them difficult for me to connect with even when I like the concept or design because they are often smatterings on a page that maybe even the artist doesn't fully comprehend yet.

Your art always connects.

Something about your way with expressions and body movement weaves so much intent into your work; every character conveys so much emotion and personality that I'm immediately drawn in. I can't accurately describe with words how much your art moves me, I don't know how. It sounds so silly, but the best I've come up with is that your characters look really People. They look alive in a way that I haven't quite experienced in art since the 101 Dalmatians era of Disney sketch animation, where the linework always made it feel like the characters were moving even when they were standing still; like they could breathe.

I look at your artwork and I feel the characters in my chest. You did a piece not long ago of two of your OCs sharing a microphone and I felt the awe; that feeling of the world melting away except the other person onstage— that feeling like maybe they are singing the song just for you.

Your art captures the casual intimacy of people just being; scenes like painting nails and other normal, quiet moments that only show when someone feels safe, comfortable. Your work makes 'nothing' moments have weight; there is an artist I discovered recently, Francine Van Hove, who specializes in these types of scenes and some of your work reminds me of hers.

Of all your works though, my favorite is the truth-or-dare comic and it's sequel. The smug satisfaction of calling a bluff, the casual scoff of dismissal of the dare, the confusion then realization, the weight of anticipation— the build-up, the inevitable conclusion. Whenever I see you pop on my Dash I go look through your recent work then hunt through your OC tag for those comics. It doesn't matter how many times I see them, I get hit with the same level of emotion every time.

Whenever I see your work it speaks to me; it makes me think that this is what art is supposed to feel like. I felt like you should know.

God help me if you ever draw a character from one of my favorite shows.

Hopefully this gets through okay; I've been on Tumblr since like 2012 and I still don't really trust the Ask system not to toss messages into the void haha. I hope this message finds you well and that you have a great day.

-Milli :)

Hello!! I really hope it’s okay that I post this. I want to keep it. This means a lot to me, I think it’s way more praise than I feel like I deserve as someone who just draws silly self indulgent stuff for fun. However over the years, the most important thing to me with those drawings has always been conveying emotion. For me it all comes from a place of wanting to express myself and how I feel rather than wanting to “be good at art”.

A message like this telling me that everything I’ve been pouring into my stuff all these years has come across to someone I’ve never met is huge, and incredible, and I don’t even know what to say. I’m really passionate about having that “life” in what I draw, it is what drives me to keep creating, and doing so is such a huge part of who I am. Thank you so much for noticing and for telling me this and for caring about it.

I think those little human moments are the most beautiful, I’m glad I could begin to do a few of them justice. Stuff I make speaking to someone else in any way is the biggest compliment I can get.

Thank you again, I hope your day is wonderful!

[sunset-unbound]

hey 👀 i saw that post you reblogged abt wanting asks about your ocs! i've been seeing you tag stuff with 'pactology' (i think that's what it was? correct me if i'm wrong!), that's one of your original stories, right?

if so: i would love to hear about it! based on the posts you tag for it, it seems really interesting!! i love supernatural stories :D ps.

a lot of the posts you tag for that story i tag for mine aksdjnjaksd

hehe that's a fun coincidence :]

and yes! pactology is one of my stories – sort of. it's less of a story im developing and more of a setting im worldbuilding/creating ocs in! it's basically urban fantasy, in which i adapt various common magic creatures and such to fit the magic system i made + make a fun and (hopefully) refreshing take on them

There's PLENTY i could say about different species and how i classify them + their connections to magic, but explaining how the whole magic stuff works is a bit of a boring intro to it, so i might as well introduce the OCs i focus the most in!

Sun, Nathan, Fern and Lucas! they're a gay friend group/polycule/figuring it out who all live in a coastal town Sun and Nathan recently moved into. (Sun uses it/any, the others use he/him)

Sun is (sort of) a half-demon & Nathan's boyfriend/witch familiar. they run a lil shop with Nathan in the front of their house. he became part-demon rather than being born as such, and is currently trying to get used to life like this, especially because he isn't exactly stable yet

Nathan is a witch who moved away to live alone w Sun to find himself. He opened up a shop for magic herbs and charms to work with what he knows and loves. his studies of magic focus on trying to synthesize different kinds of it based on older, less studied forms of magic.

Fern lives in their neighborhood with his aunt, Lucas and 4 dogs. he does odd jobs around town to help his aunt pay for stuff and is a sweetheart. also he's packing massive amounts of raw magic he never learned to really control and he's one meltdown away from collapsing a house :]

Lucas is a hyena/maned wolf kobold (which in this world means furry), he's been living with Fern ever since he got in bad terms with his family (he's trans. the rest is history). he's a good cook, loves hiking, and helps Nathan with his research

[ditzydisaster13]

Dizzy Decisions for DiNozzo

Each chapter will be formally summarized through a repeat of the title and a series of tags.

Any OCs will be mentioned prior to the story, and my personal comments will look like this:

«Hey», and timeskips will be written " NCISNCISNCIS ", finally summations of the chapter and the actual will be separated by a line like this

the rest of the information for the chapter will be listed below,

[Falling on my 6: NCIS, slight angst, Anthony Dinozzo, Tony, Tony comes out, coming out, kind Palmer, Palmer already knew, NCIS team, team finds out, Gibbs is super chill, scared to come out, about season 5, bi, bisexual character, bisexual Tony, mentions of past relationships, headcanon where Tony likes the secondary colours/ purple is his favorite colour, Ziva is weirdly proud, more]

…………………………………………………..

Life is like a carousel, where you just go around in circles of the same old thing every day all the while riding on the horse named expectations and just watching the people on the outside who are also waiting and watching. And you can't help but wonder if your stuck on this ride without escape and that this is truely your fate, or it's the actual maddens of life is the park the ride is placed in but your stuck in one place just waiting to walk down those stairs.

Tony Dinozzo often felt this way. Hoping he could change his ticket for a different outcome. But sometimes he's able to recognize that maybe it's him who keeps feeding the damned machine with coins and that he's the problem of his problems. The stem of the plant and the root of the tree. The stupid thing that keeps it turning. Life is a pattern of circles. Dizzying circles. And after last week, he's absolutely ready for a change of at least the horse he views the rest of the park from.

After last week, another messy break up of his love life, which typically consists of one night stands and sec because he apparently has loyalty and commitment issues, Tony was thrown into feelings of sadness. Not exactly depressed, but dissatisfied and disappointed.

Tony had been well aware of his issues when it came to maintaining relationships for a while.

It's not like he wanted to get scared. But his childhood was pretty flippant in regards to loyalty and romance.

Gibbs was aware that Tony wasn't close with his father. Not since the man cheated on his wife, or Tony's mother, and not since his mother died so his scared of loving a younger human being father remarried about 4 times with many girlfriends in between. And half as many dates with the women he married. Always married not long after meeting. And certainly not after his father sent him away to boarding school until high school age. Anthony paid for most of his life anyways. In cash, or with a system of rewards and punishments. Reminders and patterns. He paid, never mattered how, but he paid.

The days following that one event had and have felt more exhausting than the last. Until yesterday. He was somehow over it earlier than usual. Now, that could just be because of his better loyalty to the job; he often worked overtime just so he could be alone in a familiar place, if alone at all. And the others knew he stayed back sometimes. But only Ziva really had a guess as to why he stayed so long. Not that she never teased him for it. But those were elevator conversations anyways.

That morning, he got into work early. Only because he woke up early. He had barely slept. But he woke up around 3 in the morning, after only having fallen asleep at midnight, and felt weirdly refreshed. It took him all of an hour to shower. Shaving and cleansing himself. Breakups left him unkeen towards hygiene. So he was in need of a shave, and one of the haircuts he typically gives himself. He watched it all swirl down the drain.

The shower continued. He had removed all the scruff from his face and then used the small mirror that was suction cupped to the slipper enclosed walls of his shower to snip away at the tallest hairs on his head. Using scissor and comb that were kept in a small cup next to the mirror. Combing upwards before a cut around the sides of his head, and cutting closer to the comb closer to his ears. He had multiple mirrors for a reason; not just because he’s vain, never really was, but also because he needs to see the back of his own head.

Finishing up with washing and scrubbing and removing everything else that made him feel gross, he stepped out of the warm downpour and patted himself dry. The shower was off now, and he needed to pick out his clothes. He quickly dressed in a pair of formal-ish jeans, a purple turtleneck, and a large black jacket that matched his jeans. He whipped out the pair of dark grey converse he had purchased with his formal lover, a sad reminder of some of the fun things he allowed himself to do. Hopefully wearing his favorite colour would help.

Purple typically helped when he was in one of his moods anyways.

Things would go up and down and spin him around and around till he back on the carousel and ready to puke. But today, as he walked into the office, he had a decision to make. He skipped out on breakfast cause he knew he wouldn't be able to stomach the food. Instead opting for a highly caffeinated drink. Just so he wouldn't pass out and piss off Gibbs.

He walked out of the elevator earlier than normal. Having finished his morning routine in a record time, even with some added minutes for extra hair removal, and skipping out on reruns of the movies that were always on in the morning. Somehow, he just knew that getting some work done before even the boss was there, would be helpful. Tony was starting to understand why his boss, Gibbs, practically survived off of coffee.

Tony's stomach was still doing somersaults, and his breathing threatened to hitch. He made it into work just after 4 am. And it was nearing 8am. It was also a Sunday, so they didn't always have work. But when they did, it was case file after case file and forever. Sundays did however allow coming in as late as 9am, and earlier leave at 2pm. As long as there wasn't a case. Tony prayed there wasn't going to be one. Otherwise his whole plan would be ruined.

Gibbs had walked in about five minutes ago without so much as a word to the agent already in the office. Gibbs had his own coffee a couple of inches in front of him as he stared at something on his computer. Tony decided to go back to looking at the screen that was on his own desk. Referring to emails, and past notes he had entered down into the computer. From his brain to the fingers that typed, it was always nice to see the words he thought appearing on a screen in front of him.

He very well might have just stayed in bed. Another day with little sleep and no taking care of himself. But work always managed to inspire him in some of the weirdest ways. Sometimes good, sometimes bad; but typically just weird. He was excited being the first one on Gibbs "golden team" to be in the office. It was bizarrely refreshing.

Ziva walked in next. Tony figured the only person who had possibly beaten him to the NCIS building would've been ducky. That's typically how it works. But the director advised him some extra sleep on Sundays. He wasn't even permitted in the building before 6am. Tony had made his own way into the building before then, thankful the director seemingly hadn't caught onto him just yet. Ziva seemed just barely surprised at the Anthony DiNozzo junior already being sat behind his desk. Tony knew she was genuinely surprised. But she didn't express much emotion anyways.

Tony knew Ziva could tell he hadn't slept behind his desk. They had done it sometimes as a team. And occasionally one would head in early. Or just stay really late. And wake up in the same clothes they technically dressed in the day before. She appeared surprised and confused; Tony thankful for his ability to read faces.

Even Gibbs. Which was an accomplishment in itself. He knew a few things about Gibbs that Gibbs had no idea he even knew. Tony took a chance and made a move to glance over at Gibbs, but his attention was corrected and directed in the general area of the elevator.

Ducky was getting off. Huh. So DiNozzo was right. Damn. His stomach decided to do a double jump when he saw McGee getting off of the lift alongside Dr Mallard. Even following the M.E. and continuing whatever conversation they had going on before. It looked like this time, one, or both, of them was going to speak up about Tony's early arrival.

"Wow, uh, Tony," McGee started with an audible swallow. "You're in early."

"Couldn't sleep provide. So I decided to come into the office." Gibbs seemed to perk up at that. So did Ziva and Ducky. Abby was most likely at the office by now, but in her lab. And Palmer would arrive any minute.

"DiNozzo. How much sleep did you get?"

Started the boss. DiNozzo slumped a little in his seat. He was getting restless. Eying his own coffee, he glanced over the cup at Gibbs, and Gibbs seemed to have noticed the coffee.

"A few hours boss. Nothing terrible." Palmer had popped out of the elevator by now. He gave the group a wave. Tony gave him a smile, but didn't return the wave. Gibbs would be on his ass if he strayed too long.

"Let me rephrase my question. What time did you go to sleep?"

"Midnight. Tony shrugged. That wasn't bad.

He's done it before. And the barely sleep with cases piling up anyways.

Gibbs sighed. "And what time did you wake up?" Abby had appeared out of nowhere, and Tony felt way too many pairs of eyes on him.

"Like- three? I think?"

Why did gibbs care now?

"One more question Tony. How long have you been here?"

"A few hours. I got here like 4. And I've really only left for more coffee or bathroom breaks."

"Damnit DiNozzo! You've been looking like hell all week. Depressed even. And not to mention today was originally scheduled as our day off. " Gibbs gave the impression that he was upset.

And he was. Tony took the chance to chug the last of the coffee he had in his cup. He was on the last few drops when Abby stole it from him. So that was why. He apparently looked bad. Or something. For the whole week. Was he really in that bad of a shape?...

"I'm fine, guys. I just-" Palmer decided to cut into the conversation with a heavy walk and an accusatory point.

"No you're not! You're wearing purple!"

Ziva looked confused. "What does him wearing purple have to do with anything?" Everyone else seemed to have the same question. Jimmy looked almost upset.

"You guys have been friends with Tony longer than I have! So why am I'm the only one who seems to know that his favorite colour is purple?!" He was met with only silence. "Wow.

Okay- um. How many times have you seen him wear purple?" another round of silence, mixed with glances between ziva ducky and McGee.

Gibbs was still staring at Tony. "So not often I'm guessing. Okay, cool. Purple is Tony's favorite colour. And his happy one. Something has recently happened in the past week that has him upset, and depressed even as you say Gibbs, and now he's trying to make himself feel better so he's wearing purple."

Palmer took a breath. The others didn't seem to care all that much so he was gonna try and take up upon himself to not only figure out what was wrong, but also a better way to help his friend.

James looked for any physical sign he could find. He didn't need to make Tony give him a clue just yet. The purple meant that DiNozzo had been upset, likely by an event. Work events don't typically trigger purple. Not unless it has to do with people. Oh no. Jimmy had a guess now. He decided to search Tony's eyes for anything that could tell him he was right. But he begged he was wrong. If the two had broken up-

Anthony seemed to have caught on to what Palmer was thinking. He gave the younger man a nod followed by tapping his middle finger with the index finger of the same hand. A motion the two of them have assigned to betrayal. Specifically by a person. It basically meant they got screwed over. And there was his confirmation. Oh, poor Tony…

Jimmy knew that DiNozzo wasn't out to the team yet. Or most of the team. There were those that teased without looking deeper, and those that might have already guessed. Palmer himself had found out on accident. Jimmy and his current girlfriend had run into DiNozzo on a date in the same restaurant. In a date with a man. Tony seemed sorta scared. But Jimmy just shook the other man's hand who he was a moment later introduced to as Ethan McClyde. He was a decent looking man with a skinny yet broad frame, chunky glasses, an undercut with longer hair on the top, slight bangs, and a new-York accent that Jimmy could tell was fading away. The man had most likely moved states.

Tony seemed shocked at the acceptance from the autopsy gremlin. But he was faced with a look from Jimmy that told him the younger boy already knew. Or already guessed. Anthony prayed he wasn't that obvious. But then again... it takes one to know one.

Tony snapped his neck to once more look at Palmer with a shocked expression. Jimmy gave him some darting eves and a sharp nod. But the smile on his face only remained gentle. Tony figured out the man was in some sort of questioning of his own sexuality. The two of them left with parting words of work and talking later. And they each went back to their own separate dates.

Ever since then, which had been almost a month by now, the two had had a closer friendship, one with less teasing, and more full actual conversations. It was nice. Each of them having a person to talk to about relationships and sexuality. Jimmy recalled the past week had been super quiet on Tony's part. He now understood why.

"Anthony," Dr Mallard broke in, "we should like to help you, but there is no way we can if we do not know what is upsetting you my dear boy." Tony squinted at Jimmy. Ducky seemed aweful calm and Tony was spectating whether Palmer had said anything to the good doctor or not. But the younger man wouldn't go against his trust.

Tony knew that much was true.

"I know.." Tony sighed. "But I also have know idea how to say it. I mean-" he rubbed at his forehead, " I could just come right out and say it- but I'm honestly scared."

"Doesn't matter DiNozzo," Gibbs started.

"We've asked you what's wrong, and I want an answer. It not gonna change much of anything if at all DiNozzo. Now, tell us."

Tony looked over to Jimmy. Jimmy Palmer only shrugged with the short reply "Well, they did ask." The quip ended in a shrug. And a sigh escapes from Tony once again.

He was terrified. He wasn't even sure if he would be welcomed at work anymore. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" exists for a reason. When he worked for the Baltimore Police, the same rule stood. But it was put way more into effect when he was working with specific military personnel and peoples who protected navy lives. It made the whole secret way more personal. And much more difficult to tell.

His stomach was like a roller coaster doing loops and twisting upside down inside of him. He was sure he wasn't breathing normally and that he was actually not breathing at all. It felt like he was holding his breath anyways. He knew he was probably sweating too. He felt his own eyes looking in every direction besides his team. It was scary. And he had no plan anymore.

He felt like he was ready puke. He was going to choke on his words. And maybe throw up a little too in the process. The nausea crawling up this throat preventing him from even saying anything anyways. It was clear his body didn't wanna come out to the others. He felt screwed. over. His eyes were looking anywhere but his team. He was sure he looked pale by now. Ziva was giving him a disgusted look. He might as well have turned green in her eyes.

It was exhausting being so nervous. But every time he tried to speak he felt dizzy like he was back on that carousel. Around and around in loop after loop after loop. And every time he passed those faces he felt like puking again. He couldn't face his team. Not just yet. He needed to excuse himself. Or he might just have a panic attack. Anthony nearly fell out of his chair when he tried to get up. Jimmy helped him. And also prevented what could have been a nasty concussion from hitting his head on his desk.

It was a nosedive of nerves. A tumble of terror. A falling of fear. An Ariel dive of anxiety and death. Like it was all walking over his back and keeping his chest on the ground. Suffocating and overwhelming to the point he was sure his breathing was erratic and shaky. Maybe he wasn't even breathing.

If he looked up, he was sure to see the worried faces of Timothy McGee, Ziva David, Dr. Donald Mallard, L. Jethro Gibbs, and Abigail Scuito. But Anthony didn't wanna see their worry. Or their pity, their disappointment at his weakness in the fact that all he had to say was he dates men sometimes. Tony took a chance, just a brief glimps of their faces. He hadn't said that out loud. Good. When he was on his way to look back down, he felt his shoulders being shaken. His blurry vision was full of Jimmy Palmer. A refreshing sight at first. But then pooled with worry in those dark brown eyes.

It was now that he was sort of okay with looking at people. They still spun in his vision. And he would still have to walk away so he wouldn't have a panic attack. But he was sure if he asked, that they would give him a moment. He hadn't been this nervous since he came back from boarding school and was living with his father again.

The man had always been ignorant and drunk. But he had gotten worse by the time Tony was eight. Because of the mother's death, the father acted like a dead man. Tony had basically been in charge of keeping himself alive. And it worked that way for years. They never had maids or cooks in their house; so Anthony learned to cook meals for himself and his DiNozzo father.

And he also got pretty good at cleaning. That actually never left. He liked to keep his space clean. Always his bedroom, and then the kitchen of course because you eat in there and the living room where he often fell asleep watching his movies. Everything else was done about once a week, depending on when he was home. He didn't have too many rooms in his apartment anyways.

But a bedroom, a bathroom, a decent sized kitchen, and a living room area in the front. He also had three closets. One at the front where he just hung his coat and shoes. He never used it anyways. One for his vacuum and other cleaning supplies, all piled well and out of the way. It was the smelliest closet one might ever encounter. Then a much larger one in his bedroom where he kept towels and toiletries on the right side as it was next to his bathroom door, and then the side closet to the edge of his bed was for coats and his clothes.

As strange as it was for most, Anthony actually enjoyed cleaning. It made him feel less dirty. He always did his best to keep his desk organized.Couldn’t stand for it any other way. He liked the control cleaning gave him. And sometimes control was all he ever hope for in his life expectations.

Thinking about cleaning helped to calm him down too. He was now much more relaxed. And when he escaped his head a little more, he had taken into recognition that Palmer had carried him away from the group of people likely still at their desks, and they were now behind the stairs that went to MTAC. Tony looked up at the ceiling while he listened to a watered down version of Jimmy's voice tell him stories. Tony escaped his thoughts of cleaning products and vacuuming up stale popcorn from the night before. Jimmy had a calming voice. And they met each others eyes.

"Is everything okay Tony?"

"I'm much better now Autopsy Gremlin." Jimmy smiled at the nickname. "I'm still a tad nauseated, and I'm probably gonna try and fix myself a little in the bathroom. But I feel a lot better. I just had to think about a few other things besides coming out."

"Good. And I want you to know, that I'm pretty sure Dr Mallard already has me figured out, and that he's fine with it. He doesn't care about my sexuality or anything. And Gibbs is probably sceptical. You've said some pretty strange things before. I bet you have no idea how much he's even heard. And I know you're kinda bad and being private with your phone calls, no matter how hard you try so-"

"James." Anthony started. They rarely used first names at work. More or less nicknames or shorter versions of their names anyways. Jimmy had the nerve to look guilty.

"I hope you realize that you're not really helping, dude. I was doing pretty good before all that."

"I'm sorry. I didn't wanna give you any more anxiety. I was just-"

"You were just trying to help. That's okay. I get it. I know what you mean. I think- but like, you're pretty sure I'll be fine and nobody will care. But all the same, it's a scary thing in general. I haven't even come out to my dad. I mean you found out on accident. And it's not like I don't like women, so I was never really lying. I just left out some of my life. I'm just worried that that won't be appreciated, you know?"

Jimmy only shrugged. He did also nod, but it was lighter than usual. So it was clear he didn't completely understand. Jimmy wasn't the type to talk about every single one of his relationships. And he wasn't close with other people like Tony was. He wasn't as social.

Tony sighed into his arms. Curling up in on himself and trying to make himself smaller. As small as possible. Maybe if he shrunk down, he could squeeze out all of the negative and nervous energy. The thing was, for the whole day, that energy had been squeezing him and trying to turn him inside out. So many Tony could right all the wrong he's feeling. A soft whimper hushed past his lips despite him willing it not to. He could still feel it in his throat.

Jimmy turned to look at Tony with concern, placing a gentle hand on the older man's shoulder. "Everything okay?"

"I don't know..."

"You don't know?" Palmer took on a look of great concern.

"I can't stop. I can't stop shaking. Or thinking. I can't stop thinking of Ethan. I miss him. So much."

"And that's okay. Blake and I are still kinda on and off- but I'm pretty sure she's gonna wanna break up soon. I might even just break up with her. Which is gonna hurt. But I know that we each have reasons to stay or split with our partners."

Tony stuttered at what Palmer had just said.

Thinking about his form boyfriend's reason for ending the relationship.

"It's just- damn. Just really frustrating. I feel almost- empty I guess. Like, I didn't just get high. But I got addicted. And now it's not just the person that I'm missing. It's every little thing. The touches and the kissing. I wish I had Ethan back. Just some part of him to breathe in. And maybe that would make me feel better. But it could also just make this all worse. I wish I could just come out and say it. But I don't think that's gonna work. At least the way I planed it. Because I screwed that up. I've got to be a man about this and try again. So I'll try- to try again. I think."

"Are you absolutely sure? I'm sure Gibbs and everyone else will understand if you wanna wait till another day."

"I don't know if you're right about that Jimmy.."

"If it's causing you this much stress, then waiting is always an option. Don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with."

Tony only groaned out in response. Pulling his legs away from his chest and sighing. He let his calves touch the carpeted floor beneath him, listening to his own evening breaths.

"You know what? I think I'm ready to go. I think I'm ready to tell them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think so. There's a chance I might puke on my own shoes when I've said everything. But otherwise I'll be okay."

"Then let's get you off of the ground Tony. I'm sure the others are worried."

"You're probably right about that Jimbo" Tony said with a look over his shoulder. He had a corner to run back to if he needed it. Staircases and elevators also as easy access. And he had legs to run on if he wanted to run away. He had multiple ways to escape of it all went bad. He supposed his boss wouldn't put a bullet in his foot just for liking men sometimes. But he wouldn't put it past the man.

Tony's brain was practically mud. Not mush. But mud. Thick and slimy watered down remains of the dirt and filth that was pouring and sanding through every nerve in his body. Shivers ran down his spine more than once on the walk back over to his desk. And a few time he had to stop because of nausea and general dizziness. It was a horrible situation to be in. But he dealt with it.

The moment he was standing behind his desk again, Abby was rocking on her heels with something behind her back. Her face donned a shy smile. One that was hopeful and kind. It wasn't as loud and happy as her normal grace, but it was just as bright. Sometimes smiling quietly says so much more about a person's happiness than the amount of teeth they show.

He didn't wanna see the guilt and worry that was probably drawn out all over his face. In his frown and in his eyes. In every downturned wrinkle on his face. A sob lodged its way in Tony's throat at the thought. He hated making people worry for him. Even when sick or injuried it was always someone else before him.

Anthony returned Abby's small smile with a petit curl of the lips of his own. He hoped that the expression would do something to lesson her concerns. A brief glance told him many of the others felt the same way as Abby.

"What d'y'a got Ab's?" Tony said in his best Gibbs impression, trying to lighten the mood.

The second B this time standing for brave, instead of bastard.

Abby smiled a little wider. "I got you a water." But her voice was still soft. Tony took notice of the pigtail buns she wore that day. Long black pants, a long sleeve red shirt with a low collar, and then her platforms and spiked accessories like always.

"Thanks Abby. A lot. And- uh. I'm sorry for worrying you guys. But I've been dealing with something that's been really hard for me lately. I thought I was over it. But I guess not."

"That's perfectly fine Anthony."

"NOT- Not if I planned to explain myself to you guys. Not if that plan was ruined by me being a pissy weak baby. I'm sorry. I think I still need another second." He breathed heavily through his teeth and looked down at his desk. When he looked back up he was met with gentle nods and a small series of thumbs pointed upwards.

Tony turned to look at Palmer, who despite having been in his vision more than once, had not been given a good enough look. Tony enjoyed looking at peoples outfits. Palmer wore a pair of grey running shoes and some loose jeans. Or which were not held up by a belt. The dark grey t-shirt amplified just how casual Jimmy's typical attire really was. Even on double dates and when the two would spend time together; Palmer always dressed comfortably. He even stole one of DiNozzo's hoodies. Tony laughed to himself, and settled down in his seat. He could judge while sitting anyways.

Then there was Ziva. Her hair was slick back, and held behind her ears with a dark pink bandana. Her shirt was also a low cut long sleeve like Ziva's in a hot pink colour. Her shoulders were covered by a cropped tan jean jacket, and her legs were curtained by brown low waist cargo pants. She also had on some soft neutral toned half-boots. She looked nice.

Tony turned his head slightly to get a better view of Dr Mallard. The man was basically the therapist of the makeshift family. A family it crime solvers. Specifically military related crimes. The good doctor was painted in a lovely palette of strong blues with his usual bow tie with a splatter of colours. Ducky's button up was a pale blue, maybe a watery blue, made up of what looked like a thick and comfortable material. His suit jacket and suit pants were the same shade of dark royal blue. The brown belt around his lower waist was the same leather colour. The bow tie was white with almost paint splatters in blue yellow and orange.

Tony had an idea. This would hopefully help him a little too. He began formulating a slideshow, much like they make on cases. He would make it a short one, with a couple photos and definitions. Pulling out his phone and connecting it to his computer, Tony split his attention between the next person's outfit he would be silently judging, and the mix of screens in front of him.

McGee. And Tony's camera roll. Short, dirty-blonde hair paired with watery green-blue eyes. Scrolling through past memories and past dates. A striped brown and tan shirt with a red neck tie. Wavy black hair with slight stubble, brown eyes, and pink lips he can't kiss anymore. A red zip up jacket. The mango-raspberry-kale smoothies that Ethan used to make before his morning runs. Matching brown suit jacket and suit pants, with sleek brown leather shoes. Looking the part of an author mixed with federal agent. And a New York accent that was getting more distant from his ears despite how he wished it wouldn't. Timothée McGee was dressed in warm colours. But all Tony felt was alone and cold.

Tony sighed, finishing gathering the photos of his now dead relationship. It was definitely dead. It's been over a week. And with guys, breakups were always more difficult. From the probably 30 dinners they had had as a couple, 25 of them dates. 20 of the 30 going to a little restaurant Tony had thought they both liked. Maybe it's because the place was always busy. So if they split, like they recently had, then it wouldn't hurt as much going back. Damn it. Ethan had probably planned this. Well, maybe not. But it still hurt.

Tony bit his lip as he dragged and dropped the definition of Bisexual onto the beginning of the slideshow. He even managed to find a colourful flag in his search too. Shrinking it down to the corner so it wasn't as obvious. He quickly inserted. The rest of the images. Breakfasts. Kisses he managed to sneak onto Ethan's cheek or anywhere on his face really. Tony puffed a sigh through his teeth and across his frowning lips.

Tony felt sorta like an alien as he uploaded the slideshow to the flatscreen. Swallowing thickly as he watched the small white bar fill with blue. It was uploaded now. And fully accessible on the tv if anyone knew what he was doing and grabbed the remote. It was like a crowd of people was singing and chanting into his left ear that he shouldn't do this. His right ear blurred waves almost of encouragement. Telling him all the 'ifs' and that he should run in the case things font work out. If he finds himself between a rock and a hard place.

He decided to analyze Gibbs before he forced himself to puke. He was definitely feeling a lot better than before. And at the same time, like he was drowning. It was up to his ears but his ankle was chained to the ground. Oh god...

Gibbs hair looked normal; grey with pepperings of white, and an undercut with a middle part. A white t-shirt showing slightly underneath. A light grey button up on top. With clear buttons all the way down the torso. His pale and watery Blue eyes piercing against the dark midnight blue of his matching suit jacket and pants. His shoes of black leather; just like the belt around his waist.

Gibbs had been assessed. And now Tony was ready for his stomach to flip upside down and then turn inside out. Waiting for it to bounce down into his feet before playing ping-pong with his rinçage before finally lodging it way on his throat. Reminding him he was alive. Reminder of him being almost alone. Even despite the fact that he was surrounded by people. He would have rather been back at boarding school for the moment.

Gibbs had been assessed. And now Tony was ready for his stomach to flip upside down and then turn inside out. Waiting for it to bounce down into his feet before playing ping-pong with his rinçage before finally lodging it way on his throat. Reminding him he was alive.

Reminder of him being almost alone. Even despite the fact that he was surrounded by people. He would have rather been back at boarding school for the moment.

It starts in his feet. The nerves. The nerves again. He wishes he could flood it out with a few too many drinks. Forcing himself to sober up with a mad hangover that's causing him to spill his guts into a bowl in some hotel bathroom that he doesn't remember checking into but somehow still seems familiar. And there's a stranger in his bed and an Advil in his cold yet sweaty hand and his eyes look everywhere but still can't see straight. But that's okay because he's still oblivious to what he has to do anyways. But that's okay because if he can't walk or sit or sing, then he'll choke and crawl and cry like the poor pathetic baby that he is. Riddled with anxiety. Riddled and rhymes and rules and why's filling his head like the shivers that tickle his skin with nerves and nausea and an ocean of "what will I do after this goes wrong?' crashing over him in waves that pool and churn and lick up to his chest that's no longer taking in air when all he has to do is breathe.

Breathe. And look up. Breathe, and speak. Spill his guts. Confess. Get it all out. Out of his chest. So it doesn't churn or burn like cigarette smoke; like a chimney of a house, like faded dreams and hopes. So it doesn't wallow and wash him away like a storm where the wind picks him up and throws him around. Because all he has to do is let the name fall off his tongue. Say what his heart says when there's a pretty boy. But the future isn't always so pretty.

It starts in his feet. Then rumbles through his chest. Till it's sifting through his head like a poor man mining for gold. And it's exhausting. Telling himself every possible outcome when the fact stands that he can't even open his eyes and breathe. He can't even look ahead of himself and past his own fear to simply just say what could set him free.

He finally decides to speak to the room. One he doesn't know if it's watching or listening. Or if it even cares.

"I can't really start with an apology. I've been out of it. Whatever. Deal with it. I have a right to behave according to how I feel. We've all been there." a short him was heard from someone in the room. It was a more throaty-hum than a chest-hum. So probably Ziva. "I'm about to explain why.

"If you could please look at the board." Tony clicked on the remote. The first slide showed a rule that was becoming old and outdated. Thankful for that, Tony cleared his throat. "Don't Ask, Don't tell. A saying and a rule by this point. If you're homosexual; leave it out of your job. That is, unless you're asked."

The group looked at Tony expectantly. He was the big brother. The eldest son. "And, you guys asked." Tony stood up from his desk chair and paced towards the flat screen. Not brave enough to look at his teammates yet. "So you're getting an answer. Not an apology. But information. Because I have nothing to apologize for. Besides. Rules 6." The unspoken "never say sorry, it's a sign of weakness' left to hang in the air.

"So. Here's your answer. I'm bisexual. I like boys and girls. Or Men and women should I really say. I love them on my good days, bed them on my bad days, and date them on my best. I'm sure you all remember how rough I felt after the whole ordeal with Jeanne... and maybe that I've been acting like that again lately. Like the whole thing. The whole lovesick part. And then the sick to my stomach part."

Tony paused to sigh as well as to click to the next slide. This time it was a photo Tony had managed to take sneakily. It was a blurry selfie of Tony holding the hand of a man with brown eyes framed in glasses, and wavy black hair styled in an undercut with a middle part. Only slightly longer than Gibbs hair. There was slight stubble on the sides of his face and a distant smile almost etched on his lips. The photo was soft and happy. Even a little romantic. It looked like Tony's partner had been in the middle of telling a story. Probably hadn't caught Tony taking the photo. Yet.

There were decorative rings on his finger. A lion on the one visible pinky, and a green eye on the index finger. Tony was in his usual turtle neck with suit, both in shades of grey along with shoes and a belt in black leather. But the other man wore something more casual. It was easy to tell he had some muscle on him. Lean, but broad shouldered. Like a mix between Palmer and Gibbs. He was wearing a dark grey long sleeve shirt with a vertically striped black and white button up t-shirt on top. Black Jeans were layered plainly under the grey shirt, plus a pair of slightly heeled ankle boots.

They looked adorable. "His name is Ethan. Ethan McClyde. And he was technically mine. Until he wasn't. We broke up around two weeks ago. I know the exact date; but I would rather not remember right now. And the break up happened after we had been dating for a month. I didn't waste time by taking it slow, or holding off on "I love You's" until it was nearly too late. The only problem is, that those three words are still on the tip of my tongue. And I don't have Ethan to say them to anyone."

Abby tapped over. Her platforms barely brushing against the ground as she basically tiptoed with speed over to Tony. Her footsteps soft despite the weight they held. She stood before Tony with open arms. The silent question of whether she could hug Anthony DiNozzo Jr or not ringing faintly. Tony decried he needed a hug. Grabbing her with an arm and pulling the science goth into his side. Palmer took his duty as Tony's best friend and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

It sorta hurt. Seeing all their surprised faces. They didn’t look necessarily homophobic. But like Tony himself was the person they least expected to be any sort of queer.

“Back when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was pressured more, especially with Gibbs every time I made a damned joke, it made me really scared to tell anyone. But I was also hoping that me making the jokes in the first place would have given you guys some sort of hint. I don’t go on dates. I oversexualize myself because I’m lonely. I tease Ziva and Abby with queer jokes when they hang out because I want them to ask me why I do it. But you only ever seem annoyed.”

Tony sat on his desk, after moving a pencil holder and his mighty-mouse stapler. He had come into work today with almost full confidence. Hoping to sort out whatever he needed to with his friends.

“I dont come into work looking to make you all annoyed with me and hate me. I come in with an attitude that I hope is infectious. A smile I hope spreads. I come I to work prepared with jokes and movie references on the top of my head to relax everyone. But all I get are huffs and sighs. Head slaps and extra work. You guys wonder why you never actually know about my personal life, despite all the falsities I tell you. Well there’s your answer.”

The dirty blonde man with green eyes, lost the brightness in his eyes and picked up his backpack. He was tired. He zipped up the bag and grabbed the one folder he had been given. Pretty much all of it was on his computer anyways.

“Call me if we get a case. Or if you wanna tell me that you’re okay with me being a bisexual.” Tony paused and looked at his boss,” Or maybe to fire me. Otherwise, I wanna be alone.” and he left the building.

……………………………………………………………

This wasn’t exactly the ending I was planning on. But I do have a different story planned that I need to start on. So this is finished without as much as I originally wanted.

Lmk if you want like a second part to the ending.