#well maybe not in the trenches
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dont you hate it when the overused cheesy advice (go exercise) is helpful (stopped me from wanting to curl into a ball and sob)
#things are rough rn…#my emotional and mental state have been#well maybe not in the trenches#but they’re stuck in a decently deep hole rn#i keep trying to throw them ladders but i keep also accidentally dropping them#anyways i’ve decided to take up journaling bc lord knows i need it rn 🫠#if my thoughts stay in my brain any longer i might mysteriously disappear into the woods never to return
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this'll hurt you more than it'll hurt me
#heart art!#adventure forward#af2#cyalm#celesteal#verfection#YAYYY I DIIDDD ITTTTT#no background cause i nono wanna but YAYYYYYYYYYY#i really love this. im very proud of it dawg#ill be so honest. i do not think i would've like vain revival if it came out.#the idea of not only bringing back cyalm n then also making their evil deeds an unwilling action so that they can be redeemed is. so stupid#but the ideas presented by verfection....... mmmmm#im glad they arent canon bc i can give them so many problems man#insert like an essay on why verfection/2ss is the best character in adventure forward here#maybe a 'stratos verf blueband and voixer are like realy fucked up quadruplets. please listen to me im only stretching a little i prommy'#essay as well#and a 'adventure forward wouldve been better if they just fucking Talked to Eachother a Little Bit More and maybe kiss but idc abt that'#essay as a final desert#im trying real hard not to turn my tags into a 10000 word essay again#so please imagine those essays for me instead. do the hardwork for me#anyways immmm noraml about guys that arent actually real. and that are definelty not just like an oc in a trench coat (silly)#ok i need to stop talking enjoy freeaks byee
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tonight i felt like drawing various eso npcs who canonically only appear in two books :D
#ok well saer actually appears before you but he‘s undead and a also lich and his name is zelvraak now for some reason so he doesn‘t count#tes#tesblr#elder scrolls#the elder scrolls#eso#elder scrolls online#graven deep#druids of galen#tes art#tes fanart#digital art#tiredelart#idk what it is but the graven deep lore has me DEEP in its trenches HAH-#(sorry)#i have an exam tomorrow maybe that‘s why i got an inexplicable urge to draw lol#btw i know proportions are weird but it‘s almost 3 am and idc
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vld wc au again. swiftflight meets his clone for the first time (but doesnt even know what a clone IS lmao. my guy is experiencing uncanny valley for the first time in his life). still figuring the timeline out so dont think too hard about when exactly this is happening or how, i just wanted an excuse to draw these two meeting for the first time...
#vld#vld wc au#my art#sorry for trashing character tags with my stupid warrior cats au. maybe i should stop doing that#also this was a good opportunity to try my hand at a comic again#i think it went surprisingly well! considering my track record#also dont treat this comic as a Canon Event set in stone pls im still very much in the trenches#i dont know what im doing
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i was trying to draw my sona in Ns coat, didnt really work out, but at least i got a pretty good looking N-Jacket out of it
#art#my art#digital art#zoyo's art#firealpaca#firealpaca art#murder drones#murder drones n#Ns coat#coat#kinda weird to just be posting a sketch of a jacket#meh#oh well#maybe someone can use it as a ref#its kinda long for Ns jacket tho#hes got like#a thigh cut jacket#i drew this one to where it goes down to like#just above the ankles#such a dress of a trench coat
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no i don’t think it’s right that whenever someone from the us says something stupid or something bad happens over there people make jokes about school shootings or the price of healthcare or obesity or whatever. however i have not seen a single usamerican break down over this that didn’t end up with the person reverting back to using racist stereotypes to counter whoever’s making jokes so i don’t really care 🫶🏻
#it’s just like hehe school shooting stop fucking selling people guns maybe. well YOU’RE a MONKEY who LIVES IN A JUNGLE!#kind of hard to be in the trenches for yall idk what to tell u#also#i don’t necessarily think it’s right to joke about tragedies or whatever but it’s def worse to be racist saur
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Ooo Sollux you want this weirdo who isn't even canon to the webcomic you're from to think you're cool soooo bad ooooo
#mari erebos#sollux captor#marisol#homestuck#limestuck#fantroll#oc#oc x canon#doodles#maybe my idea of Sollux being down in the trenches with how bad he has it for Mari is ooc but oh well it's funny as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#he wants this weirdo to think he's cool so bad
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Im so mad rn like gold fish are the most common fish, but they haven’t made a gold fish emoji yet >:(
REAL
#well goldfish arent the most common fish#maybe the most common pet fish tho#but there should totally be a goldfish emoji#the pigeons have someone to talk to??#three pigeons in a trench coat
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in the (marianas) trenches rn ….
#i have not listened to ever after in maybe ten years but it remains seared into my brain#fall out and b team bro …… stop#I KNOW YOU’RE FINE BUT EHAT ABOUT MEEEEE#thinking of the bestie i knew for the one week i went to tim hortons camp as a child who shared my love for marianas trench#if you’re out there abby i hope life has been kind to you#NEVER SAY YES BUT NOT QUITE NO#YOU SAY JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE ME NOT GO#YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFUL VOICE IN THE END IM NOT YOUR FIRST CHOICE#DO YA REMEMBER YOU PLAYED IT WELL COS VICTIMS SELL#HOW I FELL FOR IT I JEVER FELL BEFORE#marianas trench
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Ugh i totally have a crush on this guy i saw in the bus earlier. He looked good, but not that special that i would’ve noticed him normally, but he was so nice to everyone and just had a very smiley and positive vibe, even though it was super busy and everyone else was kinda grumpy lol.
I do feel like he was kinda looking at me (or maybe past me?) and we made eye contact a few times. He came from the same university campus as me, but i don’t know what he studies or in which year, so the chance i will see him again is kinda low (though not zero as he does study at the same location)
#i’m generally bad at recognizing faces but i do think i would recognize him again because of his leather jacket#and maybe he would recognize me as well considering i was wearing a light green trench coat which i don’t see often around here#i also had my hair in two braids so maybe i should do that more often#ugh i was literally only on the bus with him for like half an hour and we didn’t even really interact#yet i have been swooning over him all evening#will update you guys if i see him again
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talking abt the ways one relates to dean is easy. talking about the ways one relates to sam however. ouauoaugh hundred thousand knives to the gut
#that specific brand of punitive self-loathing...#a hunger for perfection as self-annihilation#emotional dysregulation king who bottles up everything inside and implodes spectacularly#you want to escape your family you want to escape yourself#maybe your desire to be normal is the real Lucifer in your mind's cage flaying you alive#maybe if you die enough times you might reemerge as good and strong enough. someone different.#you stay the same. you grow older. perhaps you don't want to be so cruel to yourself anymore...bc it's tiring and you're so tired#a part of you will always be a bit insane but you learn to accept and ignore it every time it tells you to jump in the fire#going thru it again in the Sam trenches.#well back to work#j.txt
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(( i long for this kind of character dynamic actually
#ooc || the worms crawl out#(( TRENCH IS V MUCH SQUIDEARD GOING FOR THE CHEESE#well ok they cant process dairy so maybe not cheese
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queued 30-something succposts 👍 i had to stop because i went far enough down my "x" tag to crash my app but i remember where i was so unfortunately i will continue sometime tomorrow. i don't know how a queue works so. i'm sorry in advance for the dribbling and constant stream of succession posts to come. just block the tag "succmas," you don't have to unfollow me, please, i'm begging you. 🙏
#i was so..#happy/sad/passionate just emotive. period.#i'm not like that about anything anymore#i forgot i had ever been like that#👉👈 i think i might be balls deep in a sexy little depressive episode rn#talking about.. like 6+ months deep#and before that i was in the trenches of grief which i still am tbh#think i might've locked down pretty bad recently because i'm no longer going to therapy so it's just like oh well the healing is over#and there wasn't a lot of it#so i guess i will just be an open wound now#which simultaneously isn't true#but is very fucking true actually#i probably shouldn't have pursued cbt last year#bc it's bad to look at a year's worth of weekly therapy appointments and think 'what was accomplished'#but then again maybe it was really the difference between me killing myself and not idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#adam talks too much
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the only thing getting me through academic hell (aka immuno) are the fun little clips my prof will put at the end of lectures of like. macrophages eating antigens while intense orchestral music plays, or eosinophils nuking parasitic worms while elevator music loops in the background. queen shit
#sar.txt#i so so wish i could share and yet Tis Not Allowed#i'm convinced this prof is an undercover comedian tho#maybe this is only funny to me bc i'm In The Trenches. oh well.
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i'm so glad you're "whimsy", though
#really making it clear how much this situation is impactingyou hhahahahhahahahahhahhahahahahahaa#i'm the only one in the trenches about it#“boo hoo poor guy i'm sorry i hurt him”#“but also >.>”#i know you i know you don't mask that well for that many hours at a time when you're genuinely upset#or you know what you're right#maybe we never were that close to begin with hahahhahahahahahaha#so hilarious#vent
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Trying to focus at work while the decongestant I'm on is fucking with my head is fun
took the day yesterday, took some meds today to get work wrapped up before the holiday break. mostly all functioning up there, but some thoughts are taking a more scenic route to connect today.
I'm a little sad at myself for being excited about getting my slack notification number down. this is what my life has become this year. my inbox is a whole other beast unfortunately. i'll get that handled over the christmas break though.
Starting 2025 with a vague understanding of what we're all doing here.
Prepared to be confused by February though
#we've had a lot of acquisitions and mergers over the last couple years#we're about 5 or 6 companies in a trench coat now#everyone does things differently#but hey maybe next year is smoother#who fucking knows#we continue to survive somehow#well some of us survive#the always looming specter of layoffs is never fun#and the quiet sniper shots around the company aren't great for morale either#but still pulling a paycheck for now#and with how bad the white collar job market is currently#i will take that win for what it is
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