dont-look-at-me-u-u

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i think i’m getting better, i might just be on the road to recovery 🎉

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sad boi hours (<- experiencing withdrawals from breaking the 12 day call/movie night streak with one of their friends)

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worst part about falling for someone who’s been rapidly becoming one of my closest friends (but who i know has sights set elsewhere) is that i just keep falling harder.

i can’t call it surface level. i can’t brush it off. i know them too well. spend so much time with them. i just keep going “wow i adore this person” and almost everything i value in them as a friend becomes a double edged sword because i’d value it in a partner too.

every day is literally just a reminder that they’re an amazing person who i know for a fact i love in a friend capacity, and who i'm struggling to suppress a crush for

i don’t want how much i love them to be in any way tied to romance. i don’t want to keep having to remind myself that’s not how this goes. i want to be able to appreciate them as the wonderful person that they are without having to feel my heart crack a little because of a stupid silly crush

as weird as it sounds i keep hoping that they just finally get with the person they like so i can have some concrete evidence to shut down my delusions and get some closure.

and because i want them to be happy. kinda that above all.

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when the crush is crushing your emotional state into a million tiny pieces 😭😭😭

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chat, someone slap me. someone knock some sense into me. someone take away my copium. these hopes were never meant to fly this high, and i’m afraid they’ll break my heart when they inevitably fall

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if i have ONE MORE GOD DAMN DREAM with my crush in it where my brain paints us as anything more than friends I might actually spiral into a fit of rage. because chat i cannot handle that copium.

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call this a crush the way i want to brutally crush these feelings into a billion tiny little pieces using a sledgehammer so they can disappear forever!

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Things I Have Done that you should Absolutely Not Do if you have a Crush but know they like someone else

A(n) (in)comprehensive list that I have so thoughtfully fact-checked firsthand for all of you, because I hate myself apparently and like to string my own heart along.

✅ call them darling (verbally and over text)

✅ call them honey (verbally and over text)

✅ send them your own custom cheesy minecraft pick up lines

✅ fake (lol) flirt with them

✅ remember their favorite minecraft flower and then unprompted in-game crouch in front of them and give them the flower while you stare up at their avatar’s face

✅ almost cry when they immediately stop what they’re doing to go look for a pot so they can display the flower in your shared minecraft house and watch as they put the pot and the flower on the kitchen counter

✅ read too far into the nonexistent signs and think this means anything at all when the truth of the matter is that they’re just one of the sweetest kindest people you know and would react the same way if they were put in the same scenario(s) with someone else

✅ feel encouraged by the reception of the FIRST flower and go pick up another flower of the same kind and then go out of your way to look for a lily of the valley because you remember them saying they liked that one too

✅ almost cry again when you later spot the two flowers in their own pots next to the front door of the minecraft house

✅ have dreams about them (hard/impossible to control but so so bad for your mental health to wake up happy from a happy dream only to be immediately crushed that it was just a dream and then follow that up with chastising yourself for feeling sad it was “only a dream” because you were SUPPOSED to be trying to crush these feelings not encourage them, dammit.)

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yo my bad i did NOT mean to add that much text to the last two i guess i needed more words to describe it that i thought 😭

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when you love and you love and you love and you’re screwed and you’re screwed and your screwed and someone gave the butterflies in your stomach tiny little knives so maybe your other organs can bleed just as much your heart </3

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darling

🪻⭐️🪻⭐️🪻⭐️🪻⭐️🪻

I keep doing stupid things

Like telling you how much I care

And calling you darling

I keep doing silly things

Like smiling down at my phone

And laughing at your cheesy jokes

I promise I try to keep you out of my mind

But it’s like you found a secret passageway

When my heart paid you a visit

I never thought

That it would want

To stay

Darling

I’m sorry

I know my chances

Are stuck in the clouds

With my head

Darling

I’m so sorry

I know you want

To just be friends

Instead

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i looove having a crush. it makes me feel fuzzy feelings like wanting to throw up when i think about them and overwhelming anxiety at the thought of being perceived 🥰

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watching dash and lily right now was NOT the play i forgot how easy it is for me to get emotionally invested. I also forgot that this show made me cry last time i watched it.

horrible timing considering i started watching it to take my mind off of my own heartache and troubles. the hopeless romantic in me keeps having fuel added to the flame which is NOT what i needed

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someone save me from myself i keep doing stupid things like calling my crush darling and admitting i have an infinite social battery with them to their face im a hazard to my own well being

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Dear Diary, I’m fucked ^_^

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WE’RE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS- (<- realized the only two people they could reasonably argue they’ve had a crush on have the same fucking name)

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*to the tune of laufey’s “Promise”*

I MADE A PROMISE

TO DISTANCE MYSELF

TOOK ONE NIGHT

I REALLY TRIED

HONESTLY, I DIDNT THINK ABOUT

HOW I HAVE SUCH HORRIBLE IMPULSEEEE CONTROL

IVE ALREADY FAILED

I JUST SENT A MEME

WITHOUT THINKINGGGG