#well hopeful endings at least

[tartarusknight]

I don't know what you're hunting. It's not me, it's something else. - 1/10

SUMMARY:

Steve looks over her face, “I'm not having any of you at my place. Did you see the map, no way?” He states and it's one part of his reasoning but not the main reason.

“Then come stay with one of us,” Robin says and it feels more like a plead than anything.

He shakes his head and she looks angry now. “Stop whatever the fuck this is! We care about you! Let us in! We're safer in groups.”

The words don't hurt as much as he thinks they should. “Not that much safer.” He spits back out and she blinks. “Max is as good as dead. Eddie is dead. And guess what! We were in groups!” The shouting makes his throat burn but he can't calm down.

Chapter 1: Truth is like blood underneath your fingernails

Steve couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by everything. Spring Break was a nightmare. Max was in the hospital, the Sinclairs refusing to leave her side. Eddie was dead, left in the Upside Down no doubt to be eaten by the monsters that called that place home. Dustin was limping around with more than just a broken foot from the loss. Robin was throwing herself into helping at the school right beside him, keeping the two of them as busy as possible. The Byers, Wheelers, Hoppers, and Argyle were at the cabin trying to fix it up so Hopper and El could stay there. And it all just felt useless.

The military was there once the ash started falling from the permanently gray sky. They closed Hawkins down, all roads barricaded. Steve wasn’t sure if they were trying to contain the Upside Down or study it though. It’s not like they were stopping the people from disappearing. No, they just made it so no one else could run. They were all trapped in this Hell, forced to hear about another person who didn’t make it through the night. Monsters who have been coming out during the night and picking the surviving townspeople of Hawkins. Mornings of people finding their door with claw marks, or blood on the streets.

It was safe to say everyone was on edge. Steve wasn’t letting that stop him though. He was at the school every day with Robin and sometimes Nancy. Steve liked it when Nancy joined them. It meant that Robin wasn’t worrying about Steve. He was already dealing with the looks people gave him because of the red mark around his neck. His back and sides were in constant pain and it kept him on edge. And this time felt different.

They hadn’t won. They failed and someone died because of it.

He knew that Nancy was holding onto the guilt as well, but Steve was too. He didn’t know Eddie well, but the death had hit him hard. He felt like every waking moment was filled with things that would remind him of Eddie. His personality, his last moments, the feeling of pain and teeth. He knew what it had felt like but he had been saved. Eddie hadn’t had the same luck. No one had killed the bats attacking him. He was torn apart to the point where he couldn’t hold on. It made Steve sick.

It made him hyper-aware of his own injuries that he had slapped gauze onto after a shower each morning. The black ooze that leaked from his body made him sick to his stomach, unable to keep any food down. And if he let Robin in, she’d know. She’d see through him and know that something was wrong. It felt like poison in his veins. Like he was dying. Like one of these nights, he wouldn’t wake up. But he kept waking up. He kept picking Robin up and heading to the school. He kept dropping her off. He kept going home alone, putting up a barrier between him and Robin. He kept falling asleep earlier and earlier in the night, too exhausted to do anything else. But he kept waking up and that’s what mattered.

Not the black blood that he’d sometimes choke on. Not the way he barely could keep anything down. Not the fear he had of failing them. Not the fear of dying. Steve could handle this and they could focus on what really mattered. He’d drop Robin at the Wheelers where she’d spend the night with Nancy because her parents would never let her stay at Steve’s. He’d pick her up and he’d continue to help at the school.

Where he could lose himself in the repetition of making food or helping bandage some of the people up. Each day seemed to merge together. The sky grew darker and the constant rain of ash in the air made it all dull. The grass was dying out, and piles of ash gathered, making it feel like Fall all over again. Steve was sick of it, but indoors, you could almost pretend that everything was alright.

Well, if you ignored the way it seemed to get into everyone's lungs lately. How people came in with bandanas over their noses and mouths. If you ignored how unnatural it all was. Steve did his best, but the coughing around the gym forced him to remember the issue.

“Hopper was hoping we'd go over soon.” Robin appeared at his side and he flinched. He hadn't even heard her approach.

He glanced over to see if she noticed his unease and wasn't surprised to see the worry on her face. He placed the shirt he finished into the correct pile and glanced towards the windows. You could barely tell that it was daytime. “Want to go grab Dustin? I'll meet you at the car,” he murmured and Robin nodded. However, she didn't move. “Robs,” he said softly and she backed down. With a squeeze to his upper arm, she headed over to Dustin.

Steve rubbed a hand over his face, feeling like he was one open nerve lately. The longer he ignored the pain in his body, the more places began to hurt. His jaw aching for no other reason than to piss him off. He headed to the doors, opening the gym to the apocalyptic world outside. As he slid into the driver's seat, the door to the school opened and the other two hurried over to his car.

They covered their mouths until they got into the car, Dustin in the back, Robin next to him. He pulled out of the parking lot, going much slower because of all the damage throughout Hawkins. The other two didn't force conversation, letting the radio play instead. Before Spring Break, it would have worried Steve.

Dustin and Robin were always talking about something and he was used to it. But it was harder to fill the space now. Steve glanced in the mirror at Dustin who looked older than he had just a week ago now. It made his chest ache but he didn't have the right words to say. None of them had the right words anymore.

It was impossible to say that the group didn't break after their loss. Everyone was taking it differently and Steve wanted to claim that he did what he always did. That he looked out for the kids and made sure everyone was alright. But he couldn't. He hadn't been able to say a single word about any of it.

The car came to a stop outside of the cabin and Steve glanced at the clock, showing it was past 4. But the world around them looked darker. Like the sun had set already. He watched Robin and Dustin get out. Dustin's hobble was evident as they both covered their faces from the Upside Down ash raining from the sky. Steve didn't even bother. Slamming the car door shut and heading to the cabin.

Only as he got to the stairs did he reach out to the other two. Helping Dustin up the steps on one side as Robin took the other. Dustin's leg was healing but the stairs were still hard on Dustin. Steve lets go the moment Dustin's up the steps and hates the way even a small touch makes his skin tingle.

Before Robin, Steve often felt like that. His days were lonely and he only ever reached out to ruffle Dustin's hair or went on a meaningless date. Robin had held him for both of their sakes after the Russians. She had soothed that piece of him. But now, he felt like it had been months since someone last held him.

And Robin would hold him if he asked. She loved him more than anyone had ever loved him but he couldn't. He couldn't explain the way he backed out of a hug from Robin or moved out of Dustin's reach. His skin felt not his own. Their touch reminded him of Eddie's lifeless body.

Steve ignored the look Robin sent his way and opened the door for them. Dustin didn't look at him as he passed through but Steve didn't expect him to. Robin moved to go sit by Nancy but she stopped when she noticed him staying by the door. And like his own personal guard dog, she stayed by his side instead.

He tried not to flinch out of her reach as she tried to take his hand in hers. But she noticed, she always seemed to notice. Her hand dropped and Steve didn't dare to see the hurt on her face. Instead, he looks over the party. At the exhausted, worn down faces of his friends.

Hopper had maps of Hawkins up on the wall. Red pins mixed with black ones all over. Big jagged lines were drawn on the map to show the way the town split apart. Steve didn't understand how they could stand to look at it every day. But maybe they were all better at compartmentalizing. Maybe they were able to keep moving forward. Onto the next battle.

Joyce moved over to him and Robin, in her hands were two cups. Steve knew not to turn her down, taking it even if he didn't think he'd be able to stomach a single drop. “You two doing okay?” Joyce asked quietly and Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“As fine as we can be,” he promises and she looks over his face like she doesn't believe him. Instead of calling him on it, she gives his wrist a small squeeze.

As she walked over to where Dustin joined Will and Mike, he subtly shook out his hand. Joyce's touch made his skin crawl. “Steve?” Robin's voice was quiet and he looked over at her. She looked over his face and must not have liked what she saw because her face dropped into worry.

“Let's get started,�� Hopper says and the room falls quiet. As if they were all just soldiers waiting for their next order. “I've been working with the police and military the past couple of days. This is what I've gathered,” He gestures to the board.

Nancy took over easily, “After the earthquake , there were many missing people. The police did their best to get a rough estimate, marking down who was and wasn't accounted for. It was a little hard with half of Hawkins running but, they did their best. The black pins are for the bodies they've recovered.” She nods to the map and Steve feels sick at the amount of pins on the board.

“The red is for the people who were accounted for after the earthquake who disappeared. Showing the... well the scene were all being foreced to get used to. The bodies they've rediscovered are torn apart which is only more proof that monsters are coming out of the gate. Henry hasn't made his move but the Upside Down isn't quiet.” Nancy states and Steve looks closer to the map.

“They're going after the area around the lab,” Joyce says. Her eyes go over everyone, slowing on Steve, but not stopping. “But we want to make sure no one will be alone.” She says and Steve tenses up. He can feel more eyes on him and knows that they are talking about him. Everyone else had paired off. Even Robin was at the Wheelers. She tried to fight to stay at Steve's but her parents didn't allow that and Steve knew she'd be safer with Nancy.

His jaw clenched as he looked away and instead at the map again. The pins that were all so close to his house. A sick part of him wondered why they couldn't just kill him to get it over with. “Steve?” Robin said and she felt like a broken record at this point. Instead of replying, he turned and went back out the door.

Everything inside of him told him to get out of there. He didn't want to be babied. He was still alive, wasn't he? “Steve,” Robin called after him and wanted to laugh at how wrong it all felt. “Don't make it a big deal, just- we care.” She promises and he looks over at her.

No one else comes out after them, but they all know that Robin, Max, or Dustin are the most likely to get Steve to something. With Dustin not speaking much and Max in a coma, it was left to Robin. Steve looks over her face, “I'm not having any of you at my place. Did you see the map, no way?” He states and it's one part of his reasoning but not the main reason.

“Then come stay with one of us.” She says and it feels more like a plead than anything.

He shakes his head and she looks angry now. “Stop whatever the fuck this is! We care about you! Let us in! We're safer in groups.”

The words don't hurt as much as he thinks they should. “Not that much safer.” He spits back out and she blinks. “Max is as good as dead. Eddie is dead. And guess what! We were in groups!” The shouting makes his throat burn but he can't calm down.

He sees the way the words hit her and takes the moment to get into his car. The car squeals out of the driveway and he doesn't bother to look in the review mirror. Steve felt a tickle in his throat and tensed. He let out the first cough, just a short one. But it soon developed until his eyes were watering.

He glanced away from the road for a moment. But as he looked back up, there was a tall figure in the road. Steve swerved on instinct and choked on a shout as the car's wheel caught on the loose dirt on the side of the road. It swung violently until it crunched against a tree.

He couldn't catch his breath as he felt like he was choking. His door was ripped away and a long-taloned creature pulled him from the safety of his car. He was tossed like a ragdoll away from the car and he felt oddly calm about it all. Even if his bat was in the car and there was something between him and it.

He groaned as he choked on another cough. It felt like there was pressure on his lungs making them burn. His cheek hit the pavement and it felt like he was choking on blood. Another cough had black liquid spilling from his lips. No matter how much he coughed, the black splattered across the ground.

The thing crept closer but it had yet to attack, just watching him gag on black goo. It tasted like the Upside Down. As he spit it out, he remembered biting a bat in the Upside Down. He remembered the feel of their blood in his mouth. How he had tried to spit it all out but it felt like it had coated his mouth. Like he'd never truly be rid of it. Looking down at the small puddle on the road, it looked like the bat's blood.

He rolled over, startling as he noticed how close the creature had gotten. He could feel the burn of the bites from the tension in him and it was overwhelming. The creature let out a low growl before Steve was hit with a sharp pain. He squeezed his eyes shut, head smacking back to the concrete. It felt as if tens of teeth were tearing into him.

He felt tears run down his face as realized he was too far away from his bat. Too far to grab the walkie and call for help. The pain grew worse and the creature roared. Steve's throat felt raw as the pain had him screaming.

The devil's right there, right there in the details (Looking too Closely - Fink) Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

The title is from My Hallelujah by Autoheart. The chapter title and endnote are from Looking Too Closely by Fink Also on ao3 You were all interested :) @ellietheasexylibrarian @nburkhardt @artiststarme @flowers-that-sing @juleswashere3 @indiearr

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[tyttetardis]

Finally managed to record a bit of David at curtain call 😍

Brilliant seeing this incredible production once again - and getting to see what's different and what isn't 🥹🥰

(Please don't repost ☺️)

[spookberry]

"cubs and all" 😭😭😭

[deskatt]

It's a sickness at this point

[giddlygoat]

i thought it would be funny if turbo tried to take over tron first, but after very nearly getting mortally obliterated on day 1 he decided to cheese it outta there fast af

[puppyeared]

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

[shorelinnes]

The sky is still blue, but why is everything blurry? Within my blurred vision I can only see you clearly

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Names revealed and returned. (context)

[First] Prev <--> Next

[measurelessdreamer]

Part II of my musings about my scogan kid fic idea (read part I here)

It’s very delicate. And Logan doesn’t deal with delicate. He can deal with force and dangerous and what-doesn’t-kill-you-makes-you-stronger. A four-year-old girl calling him “dad” is nowhere near any of these things.

And Summers must know how much of a deal this is because he’s quiet the whole time they walk to his office to talk, for which Logan didn’t ask but Scott offered anyway, without the typical stoic composure Logan was used to seeing on him.

Then they get there and neither of them can really sit down or start because where do you start after seeing something like this? After apparently living in a universe where time-travel is possible and it happens to be your damn luck that you have to live with its consequences?

And Logan realises that Scott could ask first. He wasn’t there when Logan talked about his timeline with Charles and as far as the little girl goes, calling Scott “papa” is on the same spot of “urgent” as calling Logan “dad” is.

But Summers speaks in the end and, surprising no one, he decides to be unselfish and asks Logan what he wants to know. Logan gives him a look that must speak for itself because Summers clenches his jaw but still waits and Logan hates him but not really and so he asks, “The girl. Who is she?”

And Scott says that her name is Kayla (because I happen to be a big fan of Wolverine: Origins and I always have been ever since I saw it when I was, like, thirteen, and despite all the sad stuff about Kayla, I loved the message of her words to Logan that he’s not an animal and I think it would be nice to have that message survive in a little girl who at some point learned to love him enough to call him dad because if that doesn’t say he’s not an animal, then I don’t know). It might warrant a reaction from Logan right away. He might know what the name means, the Logan of this timeline probably didn’t (but it’s possible he doesn’t know either).

So he asks who gave her that name, to which Scott replies that he chose it and Logan asks why they would let him and Scott says because he was the one who found her. There is something Summers isn’t saying, though, and although Logan can tell, he lets it go this time.

Found her? he asks next and Scott says I assume you’re familiar with the name “Stryker”, to which Logan lets out one of his claws, the middle one, akin to all those years ago on the Liberty Island and he doesn’t know what he expects, but the soft smile that graces Scott’s face before it is squashed down by the cold calculated look was definitely not it.

Then Scott reaches under his desk and unlocks one of his drawers and pulls out a thick file with the huge red stemp of “classified” written over it and he pushes it closer to Logan. It says “Weapon XII” on the front and Logan bristles and almost lets out all of his claws.

He doesn’t reach for the file and Scott probably didn’t even expect him to because he goes on, unprompted, and says that the project was meant to be a continuation of the previous one, of designing a mutant who would be able to hold and control multiple abilities at the same time. The previous project made them aware they could change one mutant. Now, they wanted to know whether they could fully create one and raise them to be their perfect soldier.

For that, they needed a suitable collection of DNA from mutants they knew existed because it turned out that not every ability was compatible with the rest of them.

When Logan asks how they found out, Summers says it’s in the file and then clenches his jaw when Logan just says he’s not reading it. Then Scott says there were multiple test subjects that were biologically engineered in different ways so they knew where to push their limits. At the time, Kayla was being referred to as “12.9” and she was the only one they found at the facility. The rest were defined in the file as “failed” and “closed” and Logan really feels slashing through something right now.

Scott says she was merely six-months old when she was found by them. They didn’t know who she was but the following days were a bit self-explanatory when she teleported a meter away right in front of their eyes and shot red beams from her eyes at a toy she didn’t particularly like.

Her powers were meant to manifest early so Stryker’s people knew if she could harness all the powers they engineered her with without dying. It was a long process of deciding which ones she had to have and which ones she didn’t. All of the children had Logan’s, though, and as much as there indeed is no adamantium in her body, it was the plan to put it into her once she grew up. Putting it into her now would prevent her from her natural development and result in her death. Logan says, “Don’t tell me they found that out the hard way,” to which Scott replies, “What do you think?”

So, what, is she a clone? Logan asks after Scott explains the rest and Scott says, Yes, in a sense.

What do you mean? She either is or she ain’t!

Clones are usually of “something” and are meant to resemble that something to perfection. She has so much of other people in herself that no one would be able to pin point what she is a clone of.

As much as it clears up a few things about her to Logan, there is a lot Scott doesn’t mention that day or the ones that follow. He doesn’t say that it was actually the two of them together who found her and not just Logan. He doesn’t reveal that her first days here were a pretty accurate depictions of hell and that Logan’s healing factor came especially in handy and she also sort of seemed to cry a lot less when she was in Scott’s arms compared to everyone else’s. And he doesn’t say anything about the fact that, yes, as much as her DNA is comprised of DNA of other mutants, the percentages vary and there are two sets of DNA she has more of than from others and there is a reason why her eyes are so blue and why she purposefully has weaker versions of all her mutant abilities aside from her healing factor and heightened senses.

Part III

[saphflare]

If I had a nickel for every time a SMP server was ending due to unprompted circumstances and the characters were all being doomed by the narrative to tragedy, but Philza Minecraft the man he is, somehow scourged up enough to give his cubito a happy ending despite the circumstances, I would have two and thank god the streamer decided to give something hopeful considering how miserable everyone else is

[absenthearted]

FIC: BEFORE THE ENDING, A DANCE the quarry | travis/laura | work-in-progress | pacific rim AU

The day after the kaiju attack on Anchorage, Laura Kearney has her first drift compatibility trial with her partner. It doesn’t go well.

Seven years after the apocalypse begins, Laura Kearney enlists in the Jaeger Academy on Kodiak Island. There, she meets Travis Hackett, her instructor and a retired Jaeger ranger. To achieve her dream of piloting a Jaeger, Laura must find a drift-compatible partner. It's just not as easy as she thinks.

[doodleodds]

Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.

Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.

anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[spookyxsprinkles]

if there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i’ll follow you into the dark [chapter 1/?]

hayakawa aki × shy fiend f!reader

-> safe for work (for now) // 4.9k words // AO3. -> warnings: smoking, blood, cheesy, friendship, romance, discrimination, fluff, angst, pining that may or may not be mutual, soft aki, protective aki, eventual smut, eventual romance, canon divergent, fic will get into darker topics as the story progresses but i'll update the warnings as i go, chainsaw man part 1 spoilers.

Devil hunters use devils to kill devils.

The irony was never lost on you. This was a use or get used world, after all.

In the distance, your ears picked up the sounds of a fight. Explosions, rubble falling, metal crunching. It sounded far enough away for you not to worry about closing the convenience store early (not that your boss would’ve let you), but it was still close enough for you to stay alert as you stood on a flipped milk crate, stocking the fridge. The situation seemed to have settled by the time you finished and you allowed yourself to relax.

You were behind the counter reading a romance novel when the smell of dust and blood assaulted your nose, making you look up at the source. The sliding doors let out a melodic chime as a tall man with a top knot dressed in a black suit entered the store, walking straight for the freezers in the back. Your eyes stayed glued to the sword strapped to his back until he was no longer visible from where you stood.

You took a sip from your water bottle before returning your attention back to the book in front of you. Two pages later, you realize you weren’t actually processing the words on the page and, with a sigh, you flip back to try again. You struggled reading the same paragraph over and over until the sound of aluminum cans clanking against the counter top startled you. The man with a top knot (with a sword strapped to his back) had placed canned coffees and an apple in front of you.

“Cigarettes, too.”

Before he could finish pulling out his wallet, you set a white box down on the counter between the two of you. He stared down at the box of Mevius One KS cigarettes with a furrow in his brow and his eyes moved to meet your own.

“I-I have a good nose.” You anxiously look away from him and quickly scan his items, placing them neatly in a plastic bag. “That’ll be ¥4,570.74.”

The man eyed you for a moment, as if studying you, then pulled out his card to insert it into the machine until he noticed a sign with messy handwriting stating that the card machine was out of order. He returned his card back into it’s place in his wallet before pulling out cash and placing it into your outreached hand, his cold fingers brushing against yours as he did so.

“You’re good,” he says quietly.

You suck in a breath at his comment and nod, feeling unsure of how else to respond so you simply thank him for shopping at the convenience store and to have a nice day. You watch his dark form disappear down the street before letting out a sigh of relief as you adjusted the crochet beanie on your head.

+

Two or three times a week, he would come in to buy canned coffee and cigarettes. The two of you never spoke much beyond pleasantries. (“hello,” “good afternoon,” “have a nice day,” “you too.”)

Currently, he was in the back of the store by the freezers. You tried to keep your attention on your book as you absent-mindedly fidgeted with the sleeve of your over-sized cardigan.

It had been a few short months since you started working here, since you first noticed him. The convenience store wasn’t the closest one to the Public Safety office in Tokyo, but it was still frequented daily by people who worked there, including other devil hunters.

Every now and then you’d stop seeing a face come by the shop and determined that they must have been killed on the job. It wasn’t a secret that devil hunters didn’t have very long lifespans, it was the nature of the job. However, you recently found yourself feeling relieved whenever he stepped over the threshold of the sliding glass doors and greeted you in return.

You weren’t entirely sure why you felt that way. He was obviously attractive, though you doubted that was reason for your feelings.

Still, relieved as you may be, you found it difficult to focus whenever the two of you shared the same four walls.

To you, devils had an acrid smell. The stronger the devil, the more offensive the smell was. You were sure the devil hunter was human, but the scents that lingered on him were the strongest you had smelled in quite a while. The smell was stronger on him than it was on most of the devil hunters you encountered.

He must have worked closely with strong devils and the thought of that frightened you. You once heard a group of devil hunters mention a special division in Public Safety that made devils work for them without free will.

You cautiously cast glance his way as he flipped through a magazine, and you wondered if this devil hunter (your devil hunter) was involved with something as awful as that.

+

By now, he must have noticed the way you always avoided eye contact with him. You're sure of it.

You try to read but you simply could not focus and you found yourself looking in his direction every few minutes. He walked around the shop, aimlessly browsing, rather than going straight for what he came for like he usually did. You’re tempted by the opportunity to strike up a conversation with him, to get to know him a little (for better or worse), but you bite your tongue.

You wouldn’t know what to say. The majority of your social skills were learnt through reading books.

You notice that sometimes, when the store gets empty, he stares at you for a few moments, as if he wants to say something, before thinking better of it and exiting the store, leaving you to watch him from behind.

+

You felt your hands shaking more than they usually did whenever he was around. You hoped he didn't notice, though when you looked up at him, you could see him watching you. Your eyes briefly look over at the sword on his back before returning your attention back to the monitor and reading him his total.

You took his money and shakily hand him the receipt, which he takes. You quickly look away and feel his lingering gaze, followed by the small intake of breath. You get the impression that he's about to say something.

You do your best to look busy organizing your space behind the counter. Your hands were trembling, causing you to knock over a candy display. Rolls of mints clattered around your boots and you bend over to pick them up.

You hear the chiming of the sliding doors as they opened and closed and you peeked over the counter to see that he was gone.

+

A few days later, you’re stocking the freezer with drinks. Despite wearing your cardigan and beanie, you shivered as you struggled to reach the top shelves. You forgot to grab the milk crate from behind the counter to help you reach higher, but with the devil hunter in the store earlier than usual, you decided to quickly wrap up stocking so that you could get back to the counter.

Large, pale hands grasp the can from your hand, making you flinch in surprise. You look over your shoulder and see the devil hunter helping you place the remaining drinks on the top shelf. You swallow hard and avert your eyes from him.

“Thank you...” He nodded then went on his way to continued his shopping. You walk back to the register to wait for him. You felt his gaze on you but you didn’t dare look up away from the register you were pretending to clean. Your head hurt from overthinking.

You checked out his items when he brought them over to you, faster than you usually did. You were eager for him to leave so that you could focus on anything other than him right now.

"A box of Mevius One KS, please."

You were too distracted with your own thoughts that you forgot to give him his cigarettes. You apologize and turn in a hurry to reach for them on the shelf, stepping onto the milk crate, but in your haste you lost your balance. You yelped as you fell onto the cold tile, boxes of cigarettes raining down on your head.

The next thing you knew, he’s behind the counter kneeling beside you, scanning you for any injuries before returning his gaze to yours.

“Are you okay?”

You couldn’t help but notice the concern in his voice. It was a stark contrast to the stoicism he usually exuded whenever he was in the store.

You nod, feeling your cheeks heat up with embarrassment as you looked up at him. You look away again, sitting up despite your butt aching from the fall. You ran a nervous hand through your hair and realized your beanie had fallen off and the devil hunter was staring—right at the pair of fluffy ears on your head.

“You’re…” he pauses, looking at you in a way that was hard to read.

You panicked. You grabbed your beanie from the floor, clumsily hopped over the counter, knocking over the candy display in the process as you ran out of the store.

“Wait! Come back!”

He continued to call out after you, his voice growing more and more distant until you could no longer make out the individual words. Your feet feel like they’re going to give out from underneath you as you sprint along the sidewalk hoping to never see him away.

+

The following day was your day off, but your boss called you in. He fired you for leaving the store unattended and withheld your final paycheck. When you timidly tried to stand up for yourself, telling him that he couldn’t do that, he said he could because you had no human rights as a fiend.

There was nothing you could do about it.

You managed to find another job in a grocery store on the other side of town. It was farther away from your home, but safer since it lessened the risk of running into the same devil hunter again.

A few weeks later, you were working the register when you recognized his scent. Your eyes widened in horror when you realized he had found you. The two of you stared at each other.

His expression was stern and focused. There’s no trace of the gentleness he’d shown last time. A depressing reminder that this man wasn’t just a man and you weren’t just a woman.

He was here to kill you, or worse.

You were frozen in place. It’s only when he begins to approach you that you remember to breathe. You trembled fearfully as he stood in front of you.

“Hey—”

“P-Please don’t hurt me,” you sputtered out from behind the register.

His expression softens, but his eyes are steady, resolute. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s trying to convey some sort of message to you.

“I’m not going to kill you, don’t worry,” he replies calmly. “I’m not here to harm you in any way.”

"But you're a devil hunter... are you here to capture me and force me to work for Public Safety?"

"No."

You don’t believe him and flinch away when he pulls something from his inner suit pocket.

An envelope.

"I realized you were probably scared of being hunted, so I didn’t chase you. I went looking for you back at the convenience store the next day. Your boss said you were fired. I found out he illegally withheld your final paycheck, so I've been searching for you to return it."

Your brows furrow as he places the envelope on the counter. You weren't sure if you could trust him or not. His eyes never left your face as you looked down at the envelope then back up at him. You're not sure what to say or do, but his quiet, patient composure is a stark contrast to his intimidating presence earlier.

He gestures towards the envelope. “You can open it. I’m not trying to force you to join Public Safety. I’m simply making sure you get what’s rightfully yours. You can’t exactly sue him.”

The fact that he seemed so confident that this was going to change everything, that you're going to trust him, sends your brain into overdrive. You don't know what to do.

“Open it," he says quietly. Gently.

You hesitantly reach for the envelope and open it, finding the money your former boss denied you of. You expect him to demand something from you in return, but he quietly walked out of the store.

+

A couple of weeks later, you pick up his scent again as you’re stacking a table with cans on sale. You noticed he was accompanied by two others with inhuman scents. Both strong and familiar smells that you’ve smelled on him in the past. Devils. In the grocery store? Their casual-wear made it seem like they weren’t on official business and based on the way they were acting, the three of them seemed close.

You were nearly finished with stacking the can display, when the devils accidentally ran their cart into the table, knocking over the cans. The devil hunter turned at the sound and came over.

You’re on your knees, picking up cans and placing them back on the table to get them off the floor. The devils snickered, until the devil hunter scolded them.

"Can you two knock it off and help pick those up?"

For some reason that makes you feel embarrassed and you tell him that it’s okay. “It was an accident. Don’t worry, it’s my job to do this...”

His gaze meets yours.

“Hey," he says quietly as he approaches the knocked over cans. After taking a quick glance at you, he begins to clean up the mess while the devils continued to bicker and argue as they stacked, making a competition out of it. The way they carried themselves, like bickering siblings. Not that you would know personally, but it reminded you of siblings in the stories you’ve read. You were wondering how old they were when you realized just how tall the devil hunter actually is; he seems to dwarf the other two.

"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at the fallen cans lying on the floor. You could feel his eyes on you, looking over you as though checking to see any sign of injuries. You sneak a peek at him, noticing his eyes glancing at the beanie on your head. The beanie that covered your devil ears.

You nod, your timid and nervous nature getting in the way of the moment. He scolds the others and eventually gives them the task of doing the rest of the shopping and offering them a snack reward. They run off excitedly with the cart as he helped you stack the cans. The two of you worked quietly.

He continued helping you for a bit longer, his presence soothing rather than intimidating like before. Then, once you finish stacking the cans on the shelf, he steps back for a moment as though hesitating.

You glance at him nervously, nodding as you chewed on your bottom lip. You wondered if it’d be rude to walk away right now. Probably.

"Are you busy after work?"

Your eyes widen, and you can feel your heart beginning to beat faster. You can hear the others laughing in the distance, clearly not paying attention to the conversation taking place.

"Yes," you lied.

He made a face, as if he could easily tell that you had just lied from your tone and nervous body language, but nodded anyways. He offered to buy you something to eat as an apology for the cans and for being the reason you lost your previous job at the convenience store.

"Will I... owe you?"

"No."

You weren’t sure whether or not you should trust him. So far, he seemed to have your best interests in mind, though you knew that could also be a trick. You decided to take a leap of faith.

"Apples. I like apples."

His expression remained stoic and you felt vulnerable under his watchful gaze. People who knew you were not human treated you differently, saw you differently. To them, you felt invisible and disposable. Like something to be used and tossed away when it became too much trouble. The way this devil hunter looked at you now was different than how he used to look at you when he thought you were a human like him, but it also didn’t feel like he thought of you as something less than him. The way he was looking at you right now made you feel like your heart was in your throat. You try to swallow it back down.

“Apples?” He gives a small nod. "Then I'll buy you some.”

+

He buys you a bag of apples.

It becomes routine.

Whenever he stops by the grocery store, he would leave you with a bag of apples.

It was the kindest thing a human had ever done for you.

You craved speaking with him, not really getting much positive attention from others. You felt lonely and wondered if he could tell. You didn't trust humans but you wanted to trust him. You really wanted to trust him.

So, you tried talking to him a little bit. It was awkward and you were as clumsy with your words as you were with your body but in a few months, the two of you were able to have casual small talk. You were so happy to be able to joke with him, even just a little bit.

Your relationship with him grew over time with these simple interactions, these little moments of kindness that he showed you.

This is a stark contrast to the way devil hunters and civilians had treated you in the past. Their disdain for devils would get in the way of your interactions, but you didn’t have that problem with your devil hunter. Seeing him with his devil friends gave you hope.

You looked forward to his visits. His presence is a quiet one. He doesn't expect anything from you, nor does he ask much about you yet here you are, talking almost like... friends.

"Th-Thank you, Mr. Hayakawa." You speak his name for the first time, a bit timidly. You learned it a couple of months ago when he asked to be signed up for the grocery store’s rewards program, but you never said it out loud until now. He had just bought you apples again and you wanted to thank him.

His expression was as gentle as his voice. "Just Aki is fine."

The way he holds himself seems to have loosened up considerably. His shoulders, once stiff and tense, now hang loosely by his sides. He no longer seems quite as intimidating. And you're not sure how exactly, but it almost seems as if his presence becomes... softer.

You nod, feeling your face heat up. "Sorry, th-thank you, Mr. A-Aki..!"

You can't tell if there's a small hint of amusement in his eyes, but then again, he's hard to read.

"Why 'Mr. Aki'?" He asks you curiously.

"Did I say something wrong? Would you prefer a different title?" You nervously fiddle with your fingers.

His eyebrows knit together slightly, as though thinking. “It’s not really needed, I guess. You don't need to call me by any title or honorific. Aki's enough..." He trails off.

"O-Okay... A-Aki..."

You felt your face heat even more from being allowed to refer to him so informally. You have never spoken someone's name so casually before. You distract yourself by stiffly scanning the rest of his items.

He eyes the bag of apples sitting at the end of the register’s moving belt. "Did you want anything else?" He asks, his eyes looking back to you. Your eyes widen and you shake your head furiously, knocking your beanie off balance, slightly revealing the bottom of one of your fluffy ears. Aki eyes it, wondering if you’d notice it in time to fix it before anyone else saw it.

"No, no I'm okay! Really! The apples are good. I love apples. I-I... Thank you, Aki."

"Are you sure?" He asks and from the way his eyes were staring at your cheeks you knew he was aware you were feeling very flustered right now.

Aki’s eyes return to your visible ear. You were beginning to feel self-conscious when he leaned over the counter of the register and adjusted your beanie. “Your ear was showing. Sorry.”

You flinched at the sudden contact and as he pulled away, you grabbed his wrists without thinking. You hold onto him for a moment.

The air around you seems to heat up slightly, the intensity of your gaze rather palpable. You feel a shiver run down your spine at the closeness of the situation and notice his eyebrow raising in confusion. He seemed a little surprised by how close you are to him, but he doesn't back away. The sound of someone sneezing snapped you out of your daze and you released him.

You back away from the register, avoiding his eyes and mumbling a series of apologies before making up some excuse about needing to unclog a toilet.

(Aki watched you run off towards the back. He could still feel the warmth of your hands around his wrists as he left the store).

+

The next few times Aki went to the store, you weren’t around. He asks the manager about you and she said that you took a few weeks off.

Aki wondered why and if it had anything to do with what happened.

+

As the days passed, his curiosity over why you weren’t around grew. He doesn’t know if your last encounter with him had anything to do with that, but he hoped that it didn’t.

Your absence brought about a certain sense of loneliness, and though he’s never admitted it to himself, he starts to miss you and the moments that you’d shared with one another.

+

You return a month later, avoiding Aki's eyes as you scanned his items. You were quiet today.

As you return to your old routine, you feel Aki’s eyes trailing you. He keeps to himself and gives you space, but he’s still observant as you worked. Something had changed in your demeanor. You're being polite but distant, keeping your distance from him and not speaking unless absolutely necessary. You’re not like yourself at all. He doesn’t know why and it makes his curiosity grow even more.

"Is something wrong?" He leans forward a bit, wondering if he'd done something wrong.

"No..." You say quietly as you handed him his change, careful not to touch him.

The way that you speak makes him certain that there is something wrong; he's known you long enough to tell. Your avoidance is what catches his attention however.

You bag his items and another customer sets their items down on the belt for you to scan. There are plenty of people lining up behind Aki, so you turn your attention to the next customer as you bag his items.

“Is this about me?” He asks, once the customers have cleared the line-up. He’d been watching you interact with the other customers and noticed that you weren't behaving this way with them. Only with him.

"Yes," you say hesitantly, "But you didn't do anything wrong. It's me that's the problem..." Your face burns red. "Please don't worry about it."

"Well, now you've got me worried," he replies, his usual stoic expression giving way to genuine concern. "You've been acting a bit strange. Like something happened."

"It-It doesn't feel appropriate to say, so I'd really rather we didn't get into it." You say as you fiddled with your fingers. "It's nothing worth worrying about. Nothing bad happened and I don't think ill of you, Mr- I mean, Aki."

If he wasn’t so worried, he would've quietly laughed at your little slip up. Aki watches you as you fiddle with your fingers, a bit more concerned now. He doesn’t like not being able to figure out what’s been on your mind this entire time.

You’re keeping things vague, and it’s driving him crazy.

"So, this has nothing to do with our last interaction?" he asks you, genuinely curious.

Your face reddens even more, "It... it may have something to do with that..." You look at the clock on the wall before timidly looking at Aki. "If it's okay with you, can we talk about it after my shift ends in 20 minutes..?"

He nods, still trying not to let any emotion appear on his face.

"That’s fine. I'll be waiting for you outside if that’s okay.”

+

Fifty minutes later, you run outside, panting heavily.

"S-Sorry for taking so long. You didn't have to wait." Your hands squeezed at the strap of your cross body bag.

"I don't mind," he tells you. You notice the way his eyes scan your face, as if he's looking for something in particular. Like he's trying to figure something out. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be okay. Thank you, Aki." You chew on your bottom lip as you look at him. It all suddenly feels too real and you look down at the ground again. "I-I'm not being weird because you did something wrong. I've been acting strangely because I've recently realized my... my feelings. I'm sorry." You say quietly.

"Ah..." Aki replies softly, his attention glued to you as you nervously chew on your lip. "Can I ask you something?"

You nod. (In your head, you were mentally preparing for him to tell you to work at a different store so that he never has to see your devil face ever again.)

"You said that you've recently realized your feelings, but..." he pauses. "How long have you actually liked me?" There's a teasing smile playing on his lips.

Your ears perk up on your head, shifting your beanie slightly. "Not long! I swear, I promise it's only recent. It wasn't until I went home after the last time I saw you, when you were fixing my hat, that I realized there might be some feelings from my end. I promise I had no ulterior motives during the last ten months."

"Just how recent are we talking?"

"...Actually, maybe I did have an ulterior motive. No, not maybe. I did have one."

Your ears moved under the beanie, knocking it off of your head. Your ears lay flat against your head, like if you did something wrong.

“Really?” Aki raises an eyebrow, "What was your ulterior motive?"

"I…” You spoke quietly while staring down at his shoes. “I wanted to be your friend."

There’s a long moment of silence.

“...That’s an ulterior motive?” he asks, a hint of amusement returning to his voice. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

"Of course it is..! It was something I wanted that you didn't know I wanted. That's the definition, right?" Your face is red and your ears twitch but remain flat. "You were always so kind to me and whenever I saw you and Power and Denji behaving so familiar with each other I-I wanted that too." Your voice cracked and your eyes welled with tears.

Aki’s kindness meant the world to you and you wanted to be a part of his world, too.

He picked your beanie up off of the ground and dusted it off before placing it back on your head, carefully covering your ears for you.

“It is technically an ulterior motive,” Aki admits. He looks away from your eyes, to the ground between the two of you. “Is that really the main reason you kept talking to me?”

You nodded while trying to make yourself look at his face,

"I like you, in both senses of the word, but the platonic meaning is what I value the most. You've treated me with kindness and patience, even when I pretended to act like I was bad at my job just so I could have a few extra seconds of time with you."

Aki's expression softens.

“Do you want to come over my place for dinner?”

“Huh!?” Your eyes nearly pop out of your head at his sudden question, “Where did that come from?”

“Denji and Power will be there, too...” He trailed off.

“No, it’s okay. Thank you for the offer, though. I appreciate it but I don’t want to impose.”

“You won’t be imposing.”

He walks you to his car and when he unlocks it, you open the door to the backseat. He says you could sit up front if you wanted to. So you do. He helps secure your seat belt since you weren’t doing it quite right.

“Sorry. I’ve never used a seat belt before.”

“Never?” He asks as he maneuvers the car around the parking lot.

“Never.”

He stops, waiting for a chance to safely enter the street and takes that moment to glance at you from the corner of his eye. “You can open the window, if you want.”

Your ears perk up, pushing the beanie off of your head and onto your lap. Aki tells you which button to press and soon enough, your window was all the way down.

“Thank you, Aki.”

He nods, making a noise of acknowledgment as he turned the car onto the street. You stuck your head out the window to feel the wind whipping at your grinning face. And as Aki drove the two of you to his home, he had a feeling that he wouldn’t mind getting used to this.

[dracimexidae]

"What's your favourite Langston Hughes' story?" "Poem. This is for the kids who die. Black and white, for kids will die certainly. The old and rich will live on awhile, as always, eating blood and gold, letting kids die." "You're a very interesting man." "Interesting is a liability these days."