#well and also to see Murata again of course

[only-lonely-www]

Warm up sketches I did of my favorite demon and human designs from KnY. Special shout out goes to Kokushibo who I didn’t draw because I didn’t feel like it and I like Rui too much

[the-nysh]

if you had to pick a general aesthetic for Garou if he had kept going down the route of evolution his spiral form had begun (or i suppose in the same vain, for his true strength whenever he reaches some kind of self actualisation), what would you wanna go for?

The whole white-black/yin-yang balanced duality theme was honestly quite inspired (though criminally short-lived) from a design standpoint--right down to his clothes, and reflected his strengths in martial arts as well. Of course, anything also referencing his wolf theme is also fun, so a big yes to him keeping his sharper teef too~

But really, what matters most (to me) is that he's still genuinely Himself--embracing his own strengths, his own agency, his own choices--representing the authentic Him. (Not masking, armoring, or repressing his real self while trying too hard to perform and/or become someone he's not, and definitely not when it ceases being him entirely so you probably already understand which 'form' I did not approve of conceptually, once it stopped being Him; complete faceless destruction of the self.) So any growth that can naturally and faithfully encompass that, I'm game for. :'3

But this I feel is where his post-arc comes into play, towards the more honest route he chooses next. Where he figures out how best to come into his own, almost starting over again more (self)constructively this time from a reverted state. So whether he chooses to still closely take after Bang (like a son/successor)--from his xeroxed clothes to his (short?) hairstyle, or expresses more individuality cause lol manga Garou's 'wolf ear' hair appears be to a permanent identifying feature :P even down to distinguishing/perfecting his own fighting style the next time we see him, remains to be seen. But I DO like that his post-arc self kept the facial scar~ So I'm glad Murata kept that visual change!

[theomnicode]

OPM 180 spoilers: Dragon-level disasters

Sheesh, ONE and Murata-sensei aren't painting a pretty picture.

That civilians and their buildings are just getting absolutely and violently murdered on the streets by casually appearing dragon-level monsters which are no joke even for S-rank heroes and becoming more and more common...and the civilians who have to live outside HA are always in this kind of danger and only by being rich, can you actually buy safety because they also relocated a bunch of the able heroes into the headquarters to guard rich people.

Sheesh. OPM world is being setuped for some kind of civilian uprising and unrest and some kind of revolution. This kind of shit is happening once a month too according to Crescent Eyebroll, which is just absurd to think.

This level of destruction makes all the abled heroes who can solo dragon level monsters even more valued but are they really valued by HA? Ofc course not, that would imply competence. Who's gonna protect the civilians if the heroes cannot? The only option left will be themselves, in any ways they can.

(Not so much different from irl now is it? Sigh...) (Now it really makes you think about if Saitama was relocated to HA because someone figured out what a true asset he is)

Oh well, least we have Saitama making a point and destroying corporation buildings like a bullet.

That poor indie company Small Video though, collateral damage.

RIP VHS tapes, you will be missed. *salute*

I distinctly recall all those early demon+dragon level monsters Saitama casually took out (unfortunately city b was collateral) and now that he's a bit too busy with a sassy lost child, we're seeing a direct effect of Saitama being unable to do much to help, instead he's being thrown around like a ragdoll and getting too emotionally incensed and invested in versing Tatsumaki that he's not caring much about demolishing stuff either.

Unfortunately...our poor man still can't fly and Tatsumaki seems to be using so much power that Saitama can't stop being ragdolled that easily. He'll need his footing first, but psychic powers seem to be like this man's achilles heel.

But then again, corps being demolished means less goods for the civilians, so as funny as it may seem, all this will come back to bite the innocent civilian asses too, when goods rocket in price due to no availability and greedy companies on the other side.

[someuncreativi2]

[] What the Alia Fabula AU Archons do after the game ends []

(Spoilers for first four chapters of Genshin Impact)

As we can see throughout Genshin Impact, the archons change along with their respective nations. This makes me think of all the ways they can change and what they might do at the end of the game. So, including my own fan made archons, I have set out what they would do after the end of the game.

Firstly, Venti. To me, I see him changing the least; he probably still drinks his wine and plays at taverns and protects Mondstadt and whatnot. After all, it worked as well this time as every other.

Next, Zhongli. I have no doubt that he will continue to protect Liyue, but considering he’s given up the position of Archon, I see him trying to blend in with humans more- adapt to their modern customs, fit into societal norms, et cetera.

For Raiden, I think her arc is characterized by accepting change; Inazuma changed, meaning her ideals have failed, but ultimately, she is fine with that. It is still Inazuma, no matter what. For this, and also the Archon quest in general, I see her as trying to be more laidback- not hands off, but she’s trying to let Inazuma run its course.

Nahida is a unique case. She doesn’t have respect like the other Archons, and she doesn’t actually know much about being an Archon, seeing as how the Akademiya locked her away for her whole life. Personally, I see her trying to widen her horizons as much as possible, not only because she is the god of wisdom, but because she has a genuine interest in learning more about the world and its inhabitants.

Then, there’s Marione. In this AU, Focalors is someone else completely- Sandrone impersonating the Archon for her own gain. In this time, Marione was lessened to just a servant of Focalors without any free will of their own. After the game ends, after Sandrone resigns from head of Fontaine, I imagine that Marione would go around and try to regain their lost respect; meeting with the other Archons, restoring Fontainian nature, and rebuilding their own reputation.

Murata, like Nahida, is an interesting story. In this timeline, her and the previous Archon had a friendly rivalry going on, that is until the Cataclysm made her the only Archon of Natlan. Out of rage, she waged war on everyone and anyone who she saw as responsible for her friend’s death. Her chapter would be summarized by self-reflection- no individual was responsible for these happenings, but most people don’t realize that because they haven’t given themselves time to process. After this, Murata would put her war-prone tendencies to rest, focusing on trying to give not only her people the care they need from their god, but also herself the time to emotionally heal.

Odelayo is, to me, one of the only Archons that might legitimately give up the title of leader for their own selves, next to Zhongli, of course. After hundreds of years of living in fear and isolating herself from the world, desperately trying to shield herself from being hurt again by someone she wants to love- whether that be her family, her people, or even Pierro- she realizes, through the other Archons, that she doesn’t need to continue thinking that love, the concept she holds dear, is anything but good. Whether it be self-love, friendship, romance, or what have you, yes, you have to be vulnerable, but love has its place, and love can help us realize a lot about our world and ourselves.

After the game, as I said, she’d resign from being the Archon of Cryo (truth be told, she never actually wanted to be a god, much less the patron deity of Snezhnaya). She turns to trying to enjoy her life with those she cares about, traveling the world to see it for the good it has to offer rather than the bad.

In relation to these ideas, I drew a quick (well not quick cuz it took 4 hours somehow) piece of Odelayo traveling around Inazuma in a boat because fun

Oh btw Raiden isn’t here because she’s like sight-seeing in her own city and not because I didn’t have room for her lmao

[larkawolfgirl]

Show Me What Love Looks Like (Murayuuram)

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M, Multi Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou! Relationships: Wolfram von Bielefeld/Shibuya Yuuri, Wolfram von Bielefeld/Murata Ken, Wolfram von Bielefeld/Murata Ken/Shibuya Yuuri Characters: Shibuya Yuuri, Wolfram von Bielefeld, Murata Ken, Conrart Weller, Gwendal von Voltaire Additional Tags: Dom/sub Undertones, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Fluff and Smut, Riding, Cuddling & Snuggling, Tickle Fights, Secret Relationship

Summary: (Final fic in the Tell Me That You Want Me series).  Conrad said to act like he was in love. Yuuri still wasn’t sure if he knew how to do that, though. However, he thought he was getting better at it.

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Conrad said to act like he was in love. Yuuri still wasn’t sure if he knew how to do that, though. However, he thought he was getting better at it. He kissed both of them, a lot . He had begun openly calling Wolf his fiance, which seemed to make Wolf happy. He figured making them happy was the best place to start. But still, shouldn’t he be doing more than that?

He should call Murata…something. If Wolf was his fiance, what did that make Murata? His mistress? Just the thought of that word made Yuuri blush. His side hustle? He wasn’t a job!

He was more like a boyfriend. But that seemed too insignificant compared to Wolf. Wasn’t Yuuri’s whole point before that he didn’t actually care more about Wolf than him? If he was acting like he was in love, it had to be done equally to both of them, right? But they couldn’t both be his fiance. That would be ridiculous! Unheard of! Not to mention illegal!

Then maybe he was his l–love? That was..far too embarrassing to say out loud. Never mind out loud, it was practically too embarrassing just to think.

So, his only choices then were boyfriend or partner.

Yuuri made a face. Maybe he’d ask Murata to choose. Not that he could even use the term in public anyway.

He couldn’t, right? That would be too…abnormal, right? How many people had multiple partners? Especially kings.

Actually, now that he thought about it, he knew of a lot of kings who’d had mistresses and affairs. Wasn’t the king over the law?

What was he thinking? Yuuri wasn’t one of those high-and-mighty kings. He was a good, law-abiding citizen. At least, he was until his life had somehow gotten so complicated. When exactly had that happened again?

He sighed and stared down at the stack of papers that he had not even begun working on. His head already hurt just from thinking about his love life. He didn’t need other people’s problems on top of it.

Wolf should be finishing up his drills soon anyway. He should just go meet with him.

As soon as he stood up, though, he received a glare from Gwendal who had taken up residence at the opposite desk in the office.

“What do you think you are doing?” asked the first son.

Yuuri gave his best innocent smile. “Going to see Wolf.”

Gwendal didn’t look impressed in the least. His head was resting on firmly folded hands. “As impressive as it is that you are actually rendezvousing with my brother, your work is still substandard. Did you even sign a single document?”

“Well…” Yuuri hesitated not meeting Gwendal’s intense glare. “I can’t focus, so it’s better if I just get back to it tomorrow.”

Gwendal gave a heavy sigh. “This has to do with my brother, I take it? Do you think that seeing him now will give you better focus tomorrow?”

Probably not. “O-of course,” he said.

Gwendal unfolded his hands. His fingers stretched out before the palms of his hands came down onto the table. “Fine. Go. But tomorrow I expect you to get through twice as much work to make up for it.”

Yuuri rushed out of the door before he could change his mind. Sheesh. He’d never be able to get through that much paperwork even if he could focus. There was no way one evening with Wolf would fix his lack of focus either since this was also about Murata. Not that Yuuri could tell Gwendal that.

To be honest, it was a bit disappointing that he only ever had limited time to see Murata anymore. Too bad he couldn’t just go see him whenever he wanted. Tomorrow was definitely out now. But maybe he could send him a request to come to the castle.

Yeah! Okay, he’d ask Wolf about it.

Yuuri wasn't surprised to find Wolf sweaty after his training. That didn't make him any less sexy. A siren went off in the back of his head, but he ignored it. He could find Wolf sexy. He should find Wolf sexy because they were in love.

Yeah.

"Yuuri?" Wolf picked up a cloth off a folding table and used it to wipe the sweat off his brow.

Yuuri kind of wished he was that cloth. Or better, he could just walk up and take a swipe with his tongue–

Too much, Yuuri!

That was fully worthy of a siren. He should get sent to horny jail for that thought.

He shouldn't sexualize him just because he wiped some sweat off. Wasn't that like objectification or something? Like he could only sweat for Yuuri?

Besides, they were in public!

Luckily, Wolf's men were already disbanding, so Wolf was really the only one who noticed his floundering.

The athlete-pinup-worthy blonde gave him a questioning look. "What are you worrying about now?"

"Huh?" Yuuri blinked. "N-nothing…"

Wolf didn't look satisfied. He tossed the cloth back down onto the table. "Sure." He turned toward one of the men still loitering around. "Jaques, take care of these."

The redhead stiffened at being addressed. He bowed before answering, "Of course, Sir."

Content, Wolf turned back toward Yuuri and they started walking down the castle corridors. "You're done with work a bit earlier than usual today."

"About that…"

"You ran out, didn't you?"

“No,” he denied immediately. “I got permission.”

Wolf still didn’t look convinced. “I’m not buying that you impressed him with your work ethic.”

They turned a corner. “Don’t worry about it. I might have to stay late tomorrow, though.”

Wolf stopped and glared at him. “What did you do, wimp?”

“I sorta…” Yuuri wrung his hands, “didn’t get any work done today.”

Wolf sighed and started walking again. “You’re more of a wimp than I thought.”

“Hey!” Yuuri hurried after him. “It’s because of you I couldn’t focus.”

Wolf stopped again and whirled around. “What did I do?”

Yuuri looked down at his feet, suddenly feeling shy. “N-nothing.”

“Oh, no, you don’t.”

Wolf gripped onto his shoulders and pushed him back against the stone wall. He pressed in close so that Yuuri couldn’t get away. Not that Yuuri wanted to. Right now, he wanted very badly to lean in and kiss that scowling face. And maybe miss his lips the first time so that he could get a hint of leftover sweat.

“You can’t just use me as an excuse to get out of work.”

“I’m not. I just…” His eyes fixated on his downturned lips. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Wolf sucked in a breath and his hands fell away from him. Yuuri felt a little disappointed at the loss of contact.

Yuuri continued, “I mean, I still don’t know if I’m doing this right or not.”

“Doing what right?”

“L-loving you.” It still felt awkward to say.

“I hate that you can be so cute.”

“No way!” Yuuri yelled. “You’re the cute one.”

Wolf smiled. “We’re both cute. Anyway, I think you’re doing fine.”

“Yeah, but…” Yuuri dropped his eyes. “Am I actually making you happy?”

Wolf lifted Yuuri’s chin up. “Yes, so stop worrying.”

“But–”

Wolf cut him off with a kiss. Yuuri sagged back against the wall. His hand found Wolf’s and entwined their fingers.

Wolf pulled back when Yuuri let out a moan.

“Hold that thought,” Wolf said.

Yuuri whined, which only made Wolf smirk.

“Don’t worry, we can have fun back in the room.”

The rest of the walk felt extra long, especially since all Yuuri could seem to think about was being taken against the castle’s stone wall. In hopes of easing his sudden arousal, he asked in an almost casual tone, “Do you mind if I invite Murata over tomorrow? It sucks that I can’t see him very much.”

“Didn’t Brother say that you have to get through all the paperwork? You won’t even have time to see him. It would be better to invite him over the next day and use that as motivation to actually get through your work for once.”

Yuuri swallowed. “M-maybe he could spend the night.” He must be hornier than he thought to actually suggest that.

Wolf fell silent.

Yuuri breathed rapidly waiting for his reply. It felt like such a taboo question. It could have been innocent, but they both knew it wasn’t. Yuuri was asking if he could stay in their bed. He was panicking that he upset Wolf. But hadn’t he let Murata stay over that one night? But maybe things were different now that they were in love. Maybe he should apologize and just forget about it.

“Okay,” Wolf answered in a steady tone.

Yuuri swallowed again. He couldn’t believe that he had agreed and so easily. “Realy? You’re sure you don’t mind?”

Wolf turned and cradled his face in his hands. “You’re still mine alone tonight.”

Yuuri shivered. That was true. He wondered what he had in mind. After nodding, he resumed walking. He didn't even realize how fast he was walking until Wolf chuckled.

They crashed against each other as soon as the door was shut behind them. Yuuri nearly knocked them over in his hast to press his body against his fiance’s.

They had messed around some, but they hadn’t gone all the way since his emotional breakthrough. He still wasn’t sure what made “making love” different from regular sex. What was Wolf wanting from him?

They made it to the edge of the bed. Yuuri broke their kiss, running his hands down the muscles of Wolf’s arms. “How, uh, should we do this?”

Wolf sat down on the edge of the bed. “You want me to give orders?”

Yuuri looked away from his beautiful face. If he kept looking he’d say yes in a heartbeat. “I just want to know what you want.”

“It doesn’t always have to be about me.”

“I know that,” he said, looking intently at the tiled floor. “But you want to make love, so…”

Wolf took his hand which pulled Yuuri’s gaze back to meet his. “I never meant to put so much pressure on you. Just be with me, okay?”

“Yeah, but…” Yuuri felt like that had to just be him compromising yet again. He didn’t want that.

Wolf sighed. “Okay, how about I make love to you instead? That way you don’t have to think about it.”

That sounded perfect! But wasn’t that another form of avoidance? “I shouldn’t.”

Wolf sighed again. His other hand cupped his face. “I’m not telling you not to think. I’m telling you to let me take care of you.”

Yuuri nodded instantly. He could do that if that’s what Wolf wanted.

Wolf undressed him slowly. It was as if he was doing it with pure tender loving care. It was a bit overwhelming.

“Undress me too, wimp.”

Yuuri tried his best to imitate the way Wolf did it, but his fingers fumbled over the clasps and buttons. He hoped the care showed through his actions, though. It was strange. He felt like he was playing the role of an actor, yet at the same time what he was trying to convey was real. He knew that he cared about Wolf, so maybe all he needed to do was learn how to show it better.

As soon as they were both undressed, he pulled Wolf in close to him to try to do that, but Wolf pushed away. He frowned at the face Yuuri made.

“I’m just getting the lubricant, wimp.”

Yuuri watched Wolf’s beautiful form as he got the item. The effect of his artistry was mellowed due to Yuuri’s realization that he was in fact a huge wimp. Why was he so worried about rejection? If anyone had the right to worry about that it was Wolf. He let out a loud sigh.

Wolf came back over with a frown. He flicked Yuuri right on the forehead. “What are you worrying about now?”

Yuuri stared down which gave him a lovely view of Wolf’s exquisite thigh. He wished he hadn’t sighed so that he could be touching it right now. “N-nothing.”

Wolf sighed at his denial. “Fine, but you better not be holding anything stupid in. I’m holding you to this relationship 100%.”

Yuuri figured he could touch his thigh now, so he did. Wolf sucked in a breath at the contact. “I want to be.”

Wolf’s hand covered his own. “You like my thighs, don’t you?”

“Uh…” Yuuri could feel his cheeks heating. “I like all of you, so…”

Wolf grinned. “You really are too cute for your own good.”

“Shut up! It’s not like I try to be.”

Wolf pressed their foreheads together. “That just makes you even cuter.”

Yuuri groaned. “You’re cute, too.”

Wolf just grinned wider. “I know.” He ran his other hand down Yuuri’s arm. “Are you sure you’re okay with me topping?”

Yuuri nodded. He kind of preferred that actually. It felt safer.

Wolf exhaled through his nose. “Okay. Get up on your knees. It’ll be easier to prepare you that way.”

Yuuri crawled up onto the bed on all fours and stuck his ass out. He felt a tinge of shame roll over him, but it sent a jolt of arousal through him as well.

Yuuri couldn’t see him, but he could feel Wolf move up onto the bed behind him. Wolf cupped his right ass cheek, then kissed the left one.

Yuuri swallowed around his arousal. “Have you ever done it before?” he asked. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his own horrible first time screw up.

“Not besides myself, but I know how to do this. Anyway, I was there during Murata’s fingering lecture, wasn’t I?”

If Wolf practiced on himself, he probably had a lot more practice than Yuuri did. The mental image of Wolf spreading his legs and fingering himself was so sexy, he was surprised he didn’t get an instant nosebleed. He hoped he got to see it one day.

His mental image dispersed at the cool feeling of his lubed finger prodding at him, His body jolted a bit on reflex, but then he relaxed as the coolness faded. Wolf’s finger slid in slowly. He was a lot more careful than Yuuri had been. It made him feel cherished, but also remorseful. Wolf had deserved better from him.

He remembered how sure and calculated Murata’s fingers had been the first time. If they hadn’t and Yuuri hadn’t been running on pure lust, he would have had a complete meltdown. He should have treated Wolf the way he wanted to be treated. He should have cared about him more than his own defenses.

"Sorry for before," he said.

"Sorry for what?" Wolf asked while adding another finger.

Yuuri planted his face into the mattress in hopes that it could give him more courage. "For hurting you before.”

“What?” It took a moment, but then Wolf continued. “Oh, that? It’s fine.”

Yuuri rolled over to face him. “No, it’s not. I should have taken care of you, too.”

Wolf gave him a sweet smile and cupped his face. “You’re trying your best, and that’s all I can ask from you.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No! Tell me to go beyond. You deserve it.”

He could see a flicker in Wolf’s eyes at his words. He obviously noticed how Yuuri twisted the context from asking to telling. “Are you telling me to be more selfish?” Wolf teased.

“Yeah,” Yuuri answered resolutely. He shouldn’t be the only one being selfish.

Wolf’s hand came down and gripped Yuuri’s erection. “Then, let’s get on with it.

Immediately, Yuuri nodded unconsciously. Rolling back over took a bit of work, though, because his body didn’t want to give up that sweet touch.

Wolf chuckled at the groan he made when he did manage to roll back over. “Just a second.” He reinserted his fingers and added a third in short order. “Alright, I think you’re good. Lay back against the pillows.”

He did as instructed, and Wolf closed in on him right away. Yuuri wasn’t sure if he liked seeing him above him or under him better, but right now, he was most caught by the realization that he could fully wrap his limbs around him. It was ironic somewhere in the back of his mind that he used to complain about Wolf doing the same thing unconsciously in his sleep. The forefront of his mind, however, moved his body to wrap him up and pull him in close.

Wolf kissed the edge of his hairline. “Didn’t I say to get a move on?” he said without any real annoyance.

“I just…want to feel you close.”

“I could be even closer if you let me move into position.”

Sighing, Yuuri loosened his limbs. He couldn’t stop his thoughts wandering as he watched Wolf coat himself with the lube, though. “If you’re fine topping, why didn’t you just take control before instead of asking Murata to help me?”

Wolf placed the bottle of lubricant down on the far side of the bed, cheeks blazing a beautiful shade of red. “Because I wanted to get pounded,” he nearly whispered.

“Do you still want to?”

Wolf let out a tiny laugh. “Do you still want to pound me?”

The answer was out of Yuuri’s mouth before he could even think about it. “Always.” Then more consciously, he added, “But I like getting pounded, too.”

They shared a laugh over how silly it sounded. Then Wolf sobered. “Are you ready?”

Yuuri bit his lip but nodded.

It had been a while since he’d been able to do it with Murata, so he expected the stretch when Wolf pushed inside of him. It was…different. It wasn’t better or worse, but every nerve of his body was reminding him that this was Wolf .

Yuuri clung to him again, which pushed him deeper inside. Wolf huffed at the movement since it disrupted the slow and steady slide he had begun. Once he bottomed out, Yuuri forced him into a kiss.

Wolf breathed heavily through his nose. He was trying to keep a slow pace, but with each thrust, he was losing the battle. Yuuri rolled his hips up, wordlessly spurring him on.

Wolf broke the kiss, speaking with broken words, “Sorry, I…didn’t mean to do it like this.”

Yuuri held onto the space where Wolf’s neck and shoulders met. “Don’t worry, I like it rough.” He could feel his cheeks heat as soon as the words are out, but Wolf drove into him harder which made the embarrassment worth it.

“Good,” Wolf forced out. “I wanted to show you how special you are. But it’s…harder than I thought.”

Yuuri kissed his words away. He didn’t care about that, especially when he hit that spot inside him. His head fell back with a cry.

Wolf grunted with focused effort and hit that spot again.

Yuuri kept his head back but clutched onto his biceps as he thrust in again and again.

His orgasm found Yuuri sooner than he would have liked. His head was spinning like the whirlpool of the star tours. Words fell from his lips unbidden.

I love you.

Wolf stilled momentarily, just staring at him in shock. Then he started moving again, movements broken and fast-paced. “Yuuri!” he cried out.

Wolf’s crumbled onto him as his breathing steadied. When they had both recovered from their orgasms, he leaned back up and kissed Yuuri’s face. “I love you too, wimp.”

Yuuri’s chest fluttered. He hadn’t meant to say that, and definitely not right now when it shouldn’t have sounded genuine, but for the first time, he knew it was the truth. Maybe it was his mind and body and heart responding to Wolf’s own emotions being conveyed through the act, or maybe he had just finally stripped all his layers away, but Wolf seemed to understand, so that’s all that mattered.

The realization was strong and comforting, like the weighted blanket his mother used to put over him to calm him down as a child. He felt that he should say something else to Wolf, but he didn’t want to break the moment.

When he looked down at his face which had fallen back onto his chest again, he realized he didn’t have to. Naturally, Wolf had fallen asleep already.

Yuuri smiled and placed a kiss on the top of his head. Apparently, Wolf was like this regardless of his role in the act.

Yuuri ran his fingers through his silky hair, then down his back, and tried to catch some sleep himself.

Yuuri woke up earlier than usual but felt surprisingly well-rested. He savored the pleasant feeling in his chest before expertly wiggling out of Wolf's embrace so as not to wake him up. After getting dressed in his running gear, he sat down to write his letter for Murata since there was still some time until Conrad showed up. It took him a few tries to finally figure out what to say. Now that he finally knew what love felt like, he knew that he really did love both of them. Short and simple was best, though, he decided. A love confession should be done in person.

Right after he rolled the parchment up for sending, a light knock sounded on the door.

Conrad was smiling as usual when Yuuri answered the door. "Good morning, Your Majesty. You look like you are in a good mood this morning."

Yuuri smiled back. "I am in a good mood. But it's Yuuri, remember."

He shut the door behind him and started walking down the hall alongside Conrad. About a minute into the walk he waved the letter. "I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to send this off before we run."

"Of course, Yuuri. Who is it for, if you don't mind my asking?"

Yuuri gazed down at the letter. "Just Murata. I haven't seen him in a while."

Conrad's smile didn't waver. "It's nice to have such good friends on your side."

Yuuri looked anywhere but at his face. "Yeah."

Wolf was still asleep when he returned. He didn’t want to just head off to work without even saying good morning, but he figured that was the best thing since he had to get all that paperwork done before he could see Murata. His head hurt just thinking about looking at that many papers. After changing into his day clothes, he looked again at the peaceful face of his sleeping fiance. On a stroke of genius, he realized that he could write Wolf his own letter. Short and simple, he decided again. Smiling triumphantly to himself, he set the letter down beside his sleeping fiance on the bed and left their chambers once more.

Wolfram woke up feeling more content than he had in a long time. Yuuri said he loved him! Sure, he had said it a handful of times by now, but this was the first time he had seemed sure of the words. Wolfram knew Yuuri might still stumble, but he felt assured at last that Yuuri really did want this relationship rather than just wanting to make him happy.

His arms stretched across the bed. He was disappointed but not surprised to find it devoid of his fiance. He was surprised, however, to find a note.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes so he could focus on the words. A small smile spread over his face.

Morning, Wolf,

I figured I should head to work bright and early today. I wanted to say hi first, though, and let you know that last night made me happy.

Wolfram set the note down and made himself presentable. Dressed and ready to head down to the dining hall for a quick brunch before his drills, he picked the note up and tucked it into his jacket pocket. It felt childish, but he wanted to keep a bit of Yuuri close to his heart.

Yuuri actually seemed to be taking his work seriously, since Wolfram didn’t see him at lunch. Figuring that he shouldn’t be disturbed, Wolfram instructed the guards to inform him instead of Yuuri when Murata arrived. He still hadn’t been contacted by the time he was finished with his drills, so he headed to take a bath.

It was still pretty early in the afternoon when he finished up, since drills were dying down due to the weather growing colder. He would have loved to take a ride on Roselind, but he had to stay within the castle’s perimeter to meet their guest, so he instead headed to the library and read up on ancient elemental practices. It was nearly an hour later when he finally received a summons.

Murata smiled when he saw Wolfram approach. “Lord Wolfram,” he greeted with a bow.

Wolfram wasn’t sure how to feel about the gesture. They had not really had a proper discussion since that day back at the shrine when Murata had propositioned him. Wolfram still wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about that, but he figured by allowing Yuuri to invite him over to spend the night , he had kind of already agreed to that proposition.

“Thank you for coming,” he greeted back. After a moment, he added, “for Yuuri.”

Murata grinned at him. “Of course.”

“He’s still working.”

“I figured,” Murata said. “His letter said he might be late.”

“For now, you’re stuck with me. Unless you’d rather do something alone until then.”

Murata’s hand found his upper arm. “Now, why would I do that when I could spend this lovely time with you?”

Wolfram almost complained about the unsolicited physical contact but then he remembered how he was the one that told Murata to “do what he wanted.” He wasn’t ready to paint himself a hypocrite.

Trying to dispel the slight unease at being touched, he folded his other arm over his torso. “Well, then, what would you like to do? I take it you are not much of a rider.”

“No, not really.” Murata gave a self-mocking chuckle. “My body doesn’t really appreciate it the way some of my last ones did. Although I wouldn’t mind visiting the stables if you would like to tend to the horses.”

Wolfram shook his head. “No, that’s okay. We might as well stay inside so Yuuri can find us easier. I was just reviewing ancient elemental practices, if you’d like to join me in that?”

Murata’s eyes sparkled. “Ancient elemental practices? Like, alchemic crystallization and ambient kinesis?”

Wolfram smiled. “You know about it?”

Murata crossed his arms over his chest. “Of course! I know about all of the ancient mysticisms as well.”

Wolfram’s eyes widened. “Even those not detailed in the ancient texts?”

The Great Sage smirked. “Of course. I remember the time before those texts were written, you know?”

Wolfram grabbed the Sage’s hand and dragged him off to the library.

Yuuri heaved an exaggerated sigh when he finally finished signing the last piece of paper on his desk. He picked the paper up and slammed it down hard onto the completed stack. “And finished!” he cheered toward Gwendal, who was resolutely still working as well to make sure that Yuuri did as instructed. Yuuri actually felt a bit bad for keeping him longer than usual because of his own antics. But, oh well, it wasn’t really his fault, was it? No one told Gwendal he had to stay late with him.

Gwendal looked up from his own paperwork. Yuuri hadn’t exactly expected a smile or a “good job,” but he had expected more than an utterly blank expression.

The eldest son dismissed him with a wave of the hand. “Get going with you, then.”

Yuuri wondered if something was troubling the man, but he wasn’t about to dawdle later than he needed to, so he fled from the room without another word.

He checked his chambers, even though he had doubted he’d find his fiance and “partner” there anyway. He assumed Wolfram was not the sort to bring someone back to their room to “chill” even when the implications of what tonight would be were clear.

He felt a little guilty again thinking about that. Wolfram really was too good to him.

Next, he checked the dining hall since they would need to have eaten dinner. Still no luck. Knowing they both enjoy reading, he went to the library. What he found were the two of them huddled near each other glancing down at a single book. They were whispering between themselves as if afraid of getting caught by a stern middle-aged librarian. It made Yuuri smile.

Feeling a little bad about breaking the scene up, he cleared his thought and lifted his hand in a wave. “Hey.”

Murata’s eyes darted up first. “Yuuri!” He pushed the book onto Wolfram’s lap and ran over to hug him.

Yuuri stumbled back a little with the force but chuckled and returned the embrace. “I missed you,” he answered honestly.

Over Murata’s shoulder, Yuuri could see Wolfram shut the book and set it down on the seat cushion. “Go on,” Wolf said. “I’ll stay and read for a while.”

Yuuri frowned and pulled away from Murata so that he could face Wolf head-on. “Please stay–or, come with us, I guess. I didn’t mean to kick you out of our room by inviting him over.”

Wolf looked from Murata’s eyes to Yuuri’s. He wore a bittersweet smile. “I know. Don’t worry about it. I’ll,” he looked down at the cover of the book, “catch up in a while.” He looked back up at Yuuri. “I promise.”

Yuuri still felt odd about the situation as if he was doing something wrong by leaving him behind, but he decided to trust him. “Okay.” He looked at Murata and took his hand. “Let’s, uh, go then.”

Murata looked ecstatic over him holding his hand. He began walking out with Yuuri immediately, but when they reached the doorway, he called over his shoulder, in a strangely inviting tone, “See you later.”

Yuuri wondered if something was going on between them that he didn’t know about.

They were mostly silent all of the way to the royal chambers. Yuuri would have continued holding his hand the entire time, but he figured he shouldn’t when the guards could see. He sighed sadly when he had to let go.

Murata craned his head over toward him. “Yuuri?”

Yuuri startled. “Oh. I, uh, just…” They were almost at the door by now. “Let’s get inside.”

He practically pushed Murata inside the room. Luckily the guards were posted a bit down the hall. They could hear shouts but shouldn’t be able to hear other things that went on inside the room. Still, Yuuri wasn’t dumb enough to believe that the guards weren’t beginning to suspect that he and Murata had something going on after he had visited their room this many times. At least, he told himself, different guards were probably posted each time, and without proof, they couldn’t really spread false rumors. He could be inviting Murata to their room for purely innocent intentions.

But, of course, he wasn’t.

As soon as they were safely within the confines of the room, Yuuri pulled Murata close to him against the door. “Push me against the wall?” It was a poor imitation to any of the orders they had given him, but it did the trick.

Murata instinctively knew exactly how Yuuri wanted it. He pushed him backward by the shoulders while grinding their clothed groins together.

Yuuri let out an extremely embarrassing sound. Murata grinned at the reaction, though, and gave him a kiss as well.

“Are you going to answer my question from before, or we’re just going straight at it?”

Yuuri blinked to regain his focus. Oh, yeah. “I just,” he couldn’t meet Murata’s eyes, “didn’t want to let go of your hand.”

“Well, then.” Murata moved one of his hands down to grasp Yuuri’s.

Yuuri breathed out a short laugh which ended up turning into a moan. “I just want to feel you, ya know? And after last night with Wolf, I, uh, want a night with you…” He started to push Murata back. “But you’re right, it isn’t fair to call you over here just for sex.”

Murata held his ground. “I didn’t say I wasn’t into it.”

Yuuri huffed and shook his head. “You’re too much sometimes.”

Murata smirked and kissed the corner of his mouth. “You love it.”

“Yeah,” Yuuri said shakily.

It took a moment for the depth to dawn on Murata. He actually allowed space between them, although it still wasn’t much. “You actually sound like you mean it.”

Yuuri swallowed. “Y-yeah…You know how I didn’t understand what love was exactly? Well, I sorta figured it out last night.”

Murata snorted. “Which means you’re telling me you loved me for a while, right? Typical Yuuri behavior.”

Yuuri smacked him playfully on the arm. “Hey! It’s not like I did it on purpose.”

“Just like how you don’t do anything on purpose. Such a typical Yuuri move.”

“Yeah? Well, then…” Yuuri frantically tried to think of something he could do that wasn’t “Yuuri behavior.”

He launched himself at the other double-black. They both fell to the ground with Yuuri on top of him. Murata tried to cry out in surprise, but Yuuri’s lips smashed down onto his. One arm wrapped around his neck while the other traveled down to cup over his growing erection. Murata let out a groan at the contact which made Yuuri smile.

“See? I can be unpredictable!” he argued.

Murata laid all the way back against the rug. “That was uncalled for.”

“Yeah?” Yuuri asked defiantly. “Calling me nothing but predictable was also uncalled for. Talk about rude.”

Murata lifted his eyebrows. “You want to see rude?” saying this, he flopped over with all of his weight.

Caught unsuspectingly, Yuuri was helpless to the change in position and landed right on his back with Murata towering over him. It wasn’t a bad position at all, but from the gleam in Murata’s eyes, he knew he wasn’t in for anything good right now.

Murata’s fingers jabbed into his sides, armpits, and neck unrelentingly. Damn, Murata for knowing all of his weaknesses! Laughter bubbled out of him on impulse. His body attacked back defensively, trying in vain to knock him over or work past his arms to hit his partner’s own weak spots. Even though he was failing miserably in whatever game this had become, he couldn’t help the real laughter intermixing with the automatic. It felt nostalgic to be scuffling on the floor again. Years back, they had more wrestling and less tickling, though. So much laughter came out, Yuuri’s cheeks and sides began to ache.

“Okay!” he screamed out through the laughter. “I surrender!”

Always a good sport, Murata’s assault ceased instantly. Still, he smirked down at him. “What do you surrender, Your Majesty ?”

The way he said his title only made Yuuri smile harder. “My dignity.”

“Er! You never had that.”

Yuuri rolled his eyes at that. “My body?” he offered with a hint of sarcasm.

Murata just shook his head, looking far too high and mighty. “Wrong again. You already gave me that.”

Shit. Shit, shit…Yuuri needed out of this tickle fight, but also he really wanted to kiss that look off of his face, so he had no choice but to tell him what he wanted to hear. Right?

Yuuri turned his head to the side so that he wouldn't have to watch the look of triumph he knew would take over his partner’s face. “M–my h–heart?” He hated that it came out stammering.

Murata didn’t seem to mind, though. “Ding, ding, ding!” the double-black hollered happily. “We have a winner.”

Yuuri still wasn’t looking at him. “If I’m the winner, then what do I get?”

“You get to decide how we fuck tonight.”

Yuuri finally looked at him. He wasn’t smiling anymore. “That’s not right!” he pouted. “I’m supposed to be making love to you tonight, or whatever.”

Murata’s eyebrows lifted. “And what exactly does that entail?”

“I guess it means going slow and treating you special.”

Murata let out a short laugh. “You don’t have to go slow to treat someone special. Besides, I’ve always tried to treat you special anyway.”

Which meant Murata’s always been making love to him. Actually, wasn’t Wolfram always doing the same? His heart felt like it might explode out of his chest.

“And now I know that you’re treating me special,” Murata continued, oblivious to Yuuri’s possible cardiac arrest. “So, it’s fine. We don’t have to do anything different.”

Yuuri could feel heat in his cheeks. “What if I want to do something different?”

Murata smirked at him. “Yeah?” he asked suggestively. “What’s that?”

“For you to pin me to the wall again.”

Murata’s eyes danced. “I can, but the best you’re gonna get that way is a good grind. I’m definitely not strong enough to lift you up and fuck you against the wall.”

“Oh.” Yuuri couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of disappointment. But maybe Wolfram was strong enough to do that.

Focus! he yelled at himself in his mind. What else did he want to do?

“Lie back on the bed, then.”

Murata looked a little skeptical. “Should I undress first?”

Right. “I’ll do it!” he offered quickly. They stood up and Yuuri intently began to remove each of his items of clothing. He paid extra physical attention to each bit of skin he exposed, too.

Murata was giving him a look.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he complained. “Like I said, I’m showing you you’re special.”

Murata chuckled. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“I’m done, now, so you should get on the bed. I’ll get the lube.”

Murata climbed onto the bed while Yuuri undressed and went around the bed to get the lube out of the drawer. When Yuuri joined him on the bed, Murata reached out for the vial.

Yuuri shook his head and held it close. “No. I’m doing it today.”

Murata lifted his eyebrows. “Really, now?”

Yuuri could feel his cheeks flush. “Not like that. I’ll, uh, prepare myself. Although, I, uh, wouldn’t hate that…If you wanted it.”

Murata sat up and wrapped an arm around him. “You’re really cute when you get shy, you know that?”

Yuuri didn’t know exactly how to feel about that, so he pushed him back down and straddled his lap. “Okay. I’ll get started then.”

He clamped his eyes shut as he did the work of preparing himself. He wanted to show Murata that he was willing to put in more effort, and he figured Murata was enjoying the show since he sure enjoyed Wolf’s show in his imagination from yesterday, but he still couldn’t help feeling super embarrassed about it.

As soon as he felt stretched out, he pulled his fingers out and moved over Murata’s now thick erection.

He finally met Murata’s eyes which were dark and staring into him so intensely Yuuri wondered if he could see his soul.

He licked his lips and swallowed. “Are you ready?”

“Gods, yes,” Murata sighed. His hands gripped his hips, pushing him down more which caused the base of Yuuri’s balls to slide along his shaft.

Yuuri bit his lip at the sensation, then shifted so that he could line the tip of Murata’s dick into place. He lowered himself down slowly until he was fully impaled. It was a familiar sensation by now, but it felt different being this in control of the situation. Murata helped his movements but didn’t try to guide them. For the first time, he felt in charge.

It was oddly empowering.

After a while, Murata’s hand found his dick and started pumping him. Yuuri threw his head back, really feeling it now. He panted, riding wave of pleasure after wave of pleasure.

His chest filled with each upswell of pleasure. Finally, it was too much for Yuuri to bear and he had to arch himself over to kiss him. It was messy and fervent.

Murata did guide him some now. He encouraged him to speed up and to angle a bit lower.

Yuuri broke their kissing to cry out when he hit that extra sensitive spot inside him. Murata leaned up as best he could to reclaim his lips. Yuuri wanted to take his face in his hands and kiss him senseless but he needed his hands to hold himself up. He rocked up and down until he couldn’t even think anymore.

The next thing he knew the world whited out. When he blinked his eyes open, he was curled up beside Murata in the bed. Murata must have wiped them both clean.

“Back with me?” Murata teased.

“Yeah,” Yuuri said with an embarrassed smile.

Murata placed a kiss on the top of his head. “That was definitely special.”

“Really?” Yuuri asked hopefully.

“Yeah.”

Yuuri sighed in relief. “Oh, yeah, I wanted to ask you something. Since Wolf’s my fiance, what do you want me to call you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like…” Yuuri rubbed the sheets between his fingers. “Are you my boyfriend or my partner or–”

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

Yuuri smacked his chest. “I’m being serious.”

“So, am I.”

Yuuri sighed. “I just want to show that you’re more special than a friend.”

“You already did that, though.”

“Still,” he continued defiantly, “I can’t have a fiance and a friend. I need a fiance and a partner.”

“Okay. Then I’ll be your partner.” He was smiling as if it wasn’t a totally huge deal.

Yuuri sighed trying to tell himself it really didn’t have to be. “Okay, partner.” It felt weird coming off his tongue.

Murata was still smiling, so it probably didn’t sound as weird.

Yuuri was still clutching onto Murata’s chest when the door opened. It took his brain a second to process that it was Wolfram returning. When it did process, he sat bolt upright which naturally caused him to wince. “Wolf!” he called out in an uncharacteristically loving tone.

Wolfram smiled at his greeting, but his eyes darted over to Murata who was still naked beside him. Yuuri could see the way his eyes took in all of his attractive details. Yuuri couldn’t blame him, Murata was hot!

When he didn’t come over immediately, though, Yuuri whined and stretched his arms out for him. It was a crime that he still hadn’t been able to kiss his fiance yet today.

Wolfram chuckled and came over to his side of the bed. “You’re acting like a child,” he said before giving him the kiss he wanted.

Yuuri just sighed and sagged against him. “I don’t care. I told you you didn’t have to leave.”

“It was only right to give you two a bit of privacy.”

Murata had never seemed upset watching him and Wolfram have sex, but maybe Wolfram would be upset watching the two of them instead.

However, Murata didn’t share his concern and teasingly asked, “What about me? Don’t I get a kiss?”

After an extended moment, Wolf leaned over Yuuri and did kiss him. It wasn’t exactly a chaste kiss either.

Yuuri was dumbfounded. He pointed an accusatory finger at Wolfram and then Murata. “I knew it! Something is going on between you two.”

Immediately, Wolf flared up in denial. “Not really.”

Murata smirked. “We were up in the air, but I guess we’ve landed.”

Confused, Yuuri looked to Wolf for elaboration.

Wolf groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “A while back before your whole breakthrough, we kissed.”

“We could have done more,” Murata said in a sing-song tone.

Wolf glared at him. “Like I said before, we had to sort things out with Yuuri before anything else.”

Yuuri nodded trying to put the picture together. It felt like he had jigsaw pieces that wouldn’t quite fit together all the way. “What does that mean exactly?”

“I don’t know,” Wolf answered with more emotion than necessary.

“It means," Murata cut in," that Wolfram needs to figure out what he wants and you need to tell us right now if you have some weird hold-up about us doing anything together. Although considering you orchestrated this little sleepover, I highly doubt that.”

Yuuri’s brain was shooting sparks off. This was weird and shouldn’t be happening, it said. But Yuuri took several deep breaths and tried his best to douse the reaction. It might be weird, but there was absolutely no reason it shouldn’t be happening. He was over here claiming them both and wanting to see Murata more often and wanting him over to sleep with them. It would be better, wouldn’t it? Different, sure, but wouldn’t it be better?

He looked at each of them and felt the unique way his heart fluttered in response. He realized that it had always been there but he had somehow just not noticed.

Taking in one more deep breath, he took one of each of their hands in his. “I want this to work.”

He could see Wolf swallow. “Okay.” The blonde’s eyes met Murata’s seriously. “What exactly are you wanting, though? You never made yourself clear.”

Murata shrugged. “What are you offering?”

Wolf groaned. “That’s not what I asked. Don’t act dismissive. I told you to be selfish, didn’t I?”

Murata hummed in thought. “I suppose I’d just like to see what happens. No pressure.”

Wolf pursed his lips in thought. Then, he nodded. “Okay, I can work with that.” His face hardened a bit, though. “But I’m not putting out right now! It’s late and I’m tired.”

Murata smiled. “I wasn’t asking you to.”

Yuuri smiled and kissed the crease on Wolf’s forehead. He was being way too cute. “I take it you’re ready for bed, then?”

“Duh. It’s past my bedtime already.”

Yuuri chuckled and pushed him up off the bed. “Get ready, then.”

Wolf huffed but headed over to the closet. Yuuri got up and started to follow his lead. Only after he had finished putting on his pajamas did he realize that Murata didn’t have anything to change into. “Oh my god!” he panicked.  “You don’t have anything to change into, do you?”

“Can I wear one of yours?” Murata asked in a pitiful tone.

“Sure, no problem.” Yuuri passed him a purple set of pajamas. He couldn’t help but stare as he put them on. They looked really good on him.

When the attractiveness of the sight diminished somewhat he realized something. “Hey!” he yelled, pointing a finger at him. “You knew you were staying over. Why didn’t you bring clothes?”

Murata smirked, not even trying to hide that he had planned this. “I wanted to sleep surrounded by your scent.”

Yuuri made an unintelligible sound.

Wolf was the one that managed to respond with an actual counterargument. “The whole bed reeks of us.”

Murata was still smirking even though he lifted the collar of the shirt up and took a giant whiff. “I know.”

Yuuri sighed in defeat. “Whatever. Let’s just get some sleep. Maybe I made a mistake. Being around both of you is tiring,” he complained as he climbed into the middle of the bed.

Wolf huffed loudly. “I’m tiring? What did I do?”

Yuuri waved his hand. “Nothing, just come to bed.”

Wolf groaned but did climb in behind him. His arms tugged him back against him. “Tell me or I won’t let you go.”

As if Wolf would let him go during sleep anyway. “Really, nothing.”

“Tell me.” This time Wolf spoke directly into his ear and it made his toes curl.

“You didn’t do anything today. I was just thinking about the future.”

Wolf’s arms held him closer instead of releasing him as promised.

Murata settled in on the other side, face-to-face with Yuuri. “The future, huh?”

Yuuri could feel his face heating and tried to hide it in the pillow. “Yeah. Is there a problem with that?”

“Not at all.” Murata sounded really happy which made Yuuri happy.

Yuuri’s arms wrapped around Murata as best as he could. He felt…a lot. Safe. Protected.

Loved.

The last thing he remembered before the void of sleep took him was the thought that he loved them. Whether he spoke it aloud or just thought it was unclear, though.

Yuuri woke up feeling hot and smothered. He groaned and opened his eyes to see Murata in front of him.

Oh, yeah.

He couldn't help but smile.

It was crazy to think about how different he felt just a few weeks ago, even more so a year ago. It was like he was an entirely different person from who enrolled in college or even the person who was pulled into this strange land.

And even though Wolf played a major role in the change, he really owed it all to Murata.

He was still hot from the covers, but it was more important to show his appreciation.

Murata startled awake from his kiss. "Yuuri?" he asked.

"Morning," Yuuri practically chirped.

"Morning. You sure are happy to be up this early."

Yuuri gave a cheeky smile. "Well, I'm always up this early to run with Conrad. I wanted to hurry and thank you before he got here."

"Thank me for what?"

"For daring me to kiss you."

“You shouldn’t thank me for that. I was taking advantage of the situation.”

Yuuri stood firm. “I don’t care. Deep down, I wanted you to.”

“I shouldn’t have made you kiss me the second time.”

Yuuri shook his head. “You never made me do anything.”

Murata’s face contracted. Yuuri might have thought he was close to crying but he had never actually seen his friend cry before.

Yuuri brushed over his cheek. “I’d never have gotten here without you beside me.”

Murata closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. Then he smiled back at him. “Thank you for saying that.”

“I mean it,” and Yuuri did. He said before that he wanted to keep Murata beside him, but he doubly meant that now. He didn’t just need him because he took care of him, he helped him grow. Besides, Yuuri wanted him beside him.

Yuuri took his hand in his, and they fell into silence.

Eventually, Murata started to sit up. “I should leave so you can get back to your work.”

“No!” Yuuri cried. Expertly, he unwrapped himself from Wolfram’s octopus limbs and straddled Murata so that he couldn’t escape. “I wanted us all to have a picnic or something. I don’t want you coming all the way over here just for sex.”

Murata smiled. Yuuri could tell he appreciated that. “You still have to get your work done. Being Maoh is pretty important.”

Yuuri pouted. “I still deserve a day off every once in a while.”

A knock sounded at the door. “Your Majesty?”

“Crap!” Yuuri jumped off the bed and threw the blanket over Murata’s head. “Hide,” he whispered.

As soon as he opened the door, he stepped out of the room and shut it behind himself.

"It's Yuuri," he complained out of habit.

Conrad gave him an amused look. Yuuri probably reeked of sex and looked like it too. Conrad definitely knew what he had been up to.

Okay! Yuuri could handle that! He already told his godfather that he was going to "act in love," so this shouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, it was fine. Yuuri didn't need to have a freakout. But he would have a full-on panic attack if he found out he was getting freaky with Murata in there in addition to his baby brother.

"Can we run this evening instead?" he asked.

To his dismay, Conrad smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. He probably thought Yuuri was anxious to get back in there to have another round. Yuuri assumed he wanted to congratulate him on this development but thought that might be too much too soon. If only he knew how long this had actually been going on.

"Of course," Conrad agreed.

“Thanks,” Yuuri said before sliding back inside his chambers.

“Phew,” he sighed.

Murata was sitting up and smiling at him. “Nice diversion.”

Yuuri scowled. “I didn’t lie or anything.”

Wolfram’s arm stretched out. He grabbed a pillow and threw it blindly. “Shud uup, bof ohf yu. Tarying ta slaep.”

Yuuri smiled and went over to kiss the top of his head. “Sorry to wake you. But, since you’re up, let’s go have a picnic.”

Wolf groaned and sat up. “You can’t just take off work,” he said in a much clearer tone.

“But why not?” Yuuri whined. “I worked really hard yesterday.”

Wolf scowled. “That was all catch-up. You wouldn’t have had to do all that if you would have just focused in the first place.”

Yuuri crossed his arms with a pout. “I don’t see you spending all day working on paperwork.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not the Maoh.”

Yuuri hated that he had a point. “But it’s the weekend. I deserve a day off every so often.”

Wolf scowled deeper. “What’s a weekend? Anyway, you take off more than every so often.”

“Yeah, but today is special. Murata’s here.”

Murata chuckled at that. “He’s right, though. You shouldn’t use me as an excuse.”

“But that’s not fair to you!” Yuuri argued. “Wolf gets to see me all the time.”

Wolf sighed in defeat. “Fine. I'll help you with your work since I don't have drills today.”

“Really?” Yuuri asked hopefully. He’d rather not do any paperwork, but that was better than nothing. “Thanks, Wolf.” He wrapped him up in a hug which Wolf readily returned.

When they broke apart, Wolf looked to Murata. “But if I'm helping, so are you.”

Murata lifted his eyebrows. “Am I?”

“Yep.”

“I didn’t think I was the one that took orders around here.”

Yuuri could feel his body heating up at that statement.

Not noticing the effect on him, Wolf just leaned back on the bed. “Maybe it’s about time you started.”

Murata smirked. “We’ll see.”

With the three of them splitting up the work, they managed to get through all of the paperwork in only a few hours. Yuuri felt more relieved than ever to be finished with the stack. “You should help me every day,” he suggested.

Wolf shot him down right away. “No way.”

“Aw, but why not?”

“You’d get spoiled.”

Yuuri pouted. “What am I, a dog?”

Wolf smirked at him. “I don’t know. You sit when told to.”

“Hey!” Yuuri jumped up and tackled him. They both fell onto the floor in a laughing pile.

They stayed there wrapped around each other laughing for a good while. When their laughter petered out, Murata came up and stretched his hands out to help them up. He was also smiling. They each took a hand and he helped hoist them up.

“You two really are a good match.”

Yuuri glared at him. “So, are we.”

Murata gave a short laugh. “If you say so.”

Yuuri put his hands on his hips. “I do say so. I also say that we get out of here.”

“Yes, sir.”

Wolf nudged Murata with his shoulder. “Looks like you are taking orders.”

“Who knows? Maybe we all like taking orders every once in a while.”

They had a picnic. They had several picnics. And a horse ride (with Murata riding behind Yuuri because he’d rather not be in control of the horse, thank you). They went to Earth, too. They gorged themselves on pizza and ice cream and showed Wolf all the cheesy movies Murata and Yuuri used to watch together. They even read some manga together, some nostalgic and some new pieces that ended up being…enlightening.

Overall, they did a lot together, and Yuuri realized more and more each day how incredibly lucky he was to have met both of these wonderful men.

It wasn’t a cakewalk and Murata and Wolfram didn’t just fall in love as if it was nothing, but, well, Yuuri wanted it to work, so they made it work.

He liked to think they were all happier for it.

None of them could really know how things would have worked out any other way, but anymore, he could see more shared smiles than not. As long as they were all happy, he liked to think they had finally figured things out.

Sure, it took a bit of maneuvering, especially in the bedroom, but that was manageable, too. Murata seemed to take pleasure in the challenge of it anyway, and Wolfram, well no one could deny that he enjoyed himself.

As it turned out, they really did each enjoy following orders every once in a while.

[astrophelstella]

The Phoenix Soars Over Liyue

Genshin Liyue Character x Strong!God!Reader

Characters: Xiao, Zhongli, Baizhu

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Some angst

Another idea that had been floating around in my head. I wanted to do another one for the Liyue characters. SFW. Reader is the dominant one and in a position with a lot of power and experience. Not something commonly seen in a lot of reader fics. First time writing for these characters, sorry if it seems OOC. I did my best. Warning: I'm a Zhongli simp

Monstadt ver.

You as the reader are known as an Adeptus in Liyue. One of it's most well known. The Phoenix. Though, it's much more complicated than that. You were originally from Natlan. The nation of Pyro. When the Archon War began and gods started battling over territory and power, you decided to leave. You were a phoenix, the last of its kind. A creature that continues to reincarnate after their flames dies out only to return brighter than ever. This made you a dangerous competitor in everyone's eyes. But you were also a creature of healing, peace and harmony. Perhaps this was why you were the last of your kind, the ongoing violence prompting your kin to leave this plane of existence. But that was the past. You fled your home, not really having people to worship you (though tales speak of the Murata people's red hair being a connection to you). Then the scorched lands of Natlan turned lush and green as you fly, with tall mountain peaks perfect for a bird of legend like you. This was Liyue.

Of course, before you could build your nest and settle down in this new land you had its inhabitants to deal with. Most of the Illuminated beasts were wary of you but left you alone otherwise. It was fine until this bratty god came along. At least, he was a brat in your eyes. A war god. You thought you had seen the last of those. Despite your attempts at diplomacy, his head was stubborn as stone. A fight ensued and while he thought he had defeated you, he was shocked to see you reform again. This time even stronger. The fight was only stopped by another god, this one much more pleasant and agreeable, who lectured the one that attacked you. She turned to you and had a proper introduction. In the end, if you wanted to stay in Liyue you had to make a contract. Promising to come to its aid and protect the land from dangers. You wanted to escape fighting but at least this was fighting to protect something. From then you made a great friend in the kind god, 'Guizhong' was her name. Not so much with 'Morax' but you had all the time in the world to build some trust.

Fast forward thousands of years later and you were now wandering through Liyue Harbor, on its rooftops. You were a common sight in Liyue. The Phoenix was the friendliest to humans, not necessarily running things but being a warm presence with lots of wisdom to share. You made a point not to interfere, knowing it was best mortals learned on their own. People still admired the sight of you. Taller than most mortals, glowing eyes like fire, the beautiful gold and red markings on your skin and the vibrant exotic clothes you wear. While you found a home in Liyue, you still retained some of Natlan's clothing style. You were as mesmerizing as you were dangerous. Moving atop rooftops elegantly, barefoot. The light jingle of your jewelry the only sound you made.

When you were not in Liyue, you simply napped in the wilds. Your peers saw you as lazy. All this power condensed into a slothful being. You shrugged it off, they aren't the ones who have to reincarnate every so often. Plus, you were practically retired. All that fighting, you just wanted to spend your time being idle. So you let a lot of things go, like decorum. If only people were more lax like you, and not sticking their nose up at other people. It was a much more fulfilling existence. Still, no beings were willing to cross you.

Despite everything you lived a rather solitary life. With a few exceptions...

Xiao

"Y/N are you still napping? Hn, you can't just..."

He had a lot of respect for you. Being older and stronger than him, he spent a good chunk of his immortal existence watching you fight. People called you lazy but he remembered back in the day were you left battlefields covered in blood, all your enemies defeated on the ground.

You would not only help the Yakshas in training and combat, but took care of injuries. Your flames didn't just burn things, they could heal too. Whatever wounds he had were gone as he felt your fire graze his skin. He would shiver, feeling warmth instead of scorching hot. You were truly a being of life.

A favorite hobby of your was to nap anywhere in the wild. Even the strangest of places. It made you hard to find. Not for Xiao. Whenever he wasn't protecting Liyue, he would go out and find you. You've woken up many times to Xiao standing over you.

It was cute, how he followed you around. It was like a feral cat bonding with someone after being fed and trailing after them. You convinced him to rest and value the more mundane things in life.

With memories of being consumed by darkness, he appreciated your bright flames. A source of warmth and light. He was drawn in like a moth, uncaring if it could burn him in the end.

Verr Goldet was familiar with you. There was a room in Wangshu Inn that was basically the attic and yours since it had the fluffiest bed paired with the best view. It was also easy for Xiao to enter through the window and hang around atop the rafters.

There were many nights were he would come back from patrol, still buzzing from combat. As soon as he was in your room, his muscles would relax and he'd feel a little bit at peace. You would tend to his wounds, large hands brushing against his skin along with your beautiful flames washing away the worst of the karmic debt.

With him being so short, he barely reached your waist. The size gap was enormous. He'd turn red you backed him to a wall because his face was right next to-

He'd fluster whenever you beckoned him to sleep next to you. But you didn't know anyone else who would nap with you. You were the best cuddle buddy, being a source of warmth and a large frame that could make anyone feel safe being encased in.

You would sometimes be in your Phoenix form and Xiao in his Adeptus form as you cuddle in your nest. Your next consisting of the fluffiest of blankets, pillows and mattresses along with a few shiny trinkets you would pick up and bring home (you were a bird after all).

Your large wing would be covering him as he had the most peaceful sleep in a long time.

"The nightmares-" he began.

"Won't come near. Not when I'm around Xiao. Sleep." He slept close to you, curled in a fetal position. For the first time in many years, not a single nightmare troubled his sleep.

Zhongli

"I've been waiting for you. Liyue Harbor seems more tranquil this morning. Oh, here, your tea. Just how you like it."

Now there's a lot of history here. He was the first person you actually met since arriving to Liyue. That encounter seemed like lifetime ago. Many things had changed. Including your relationship.

While you didn't get along at first, Guizhong was your common friend. When she was gone, you mourned with him. From then, there was a quiet understanding that you would watch out for each other and honor her memory. It helped he grew out of his more stubborn thinking (for the most part).

He sought out your companionship. Centuries fighting by his side built a trust stronger than the earth itself. Internally, worried he'd lose another. He didn't want it to be you. Not after everything. Tales grew in Liyue about the Dragon and the Phoenix. Eternal companions.

During quiet times he grew melancholic because he couldn't remember her face, you drew him to your side and described her the best you could. When you fell into periods of weakness just before reincarnating, he refused to leave your side. He hated seeing you like that, snuffed out of your flame but he consoled himself knowing you always bounced back.

Other times he'd seek you out when he had troubles leading a mortal life. Despite being a bit older than him, you actually kept up with the times. Like when Childe fed him his special dish, a weird seafood bowl that had tentacles sticking out of it. Zhongli getting terrible flashbacks took one bite, then up and ran to you.

You rubbed his back as he washed out his mouth with water. You made sure to serve him some traditional food later and wash his clothes so it didn't retain the scent of seafood.

Still being new to having a mortal body, he forgot certain necessities. Like eating. He never needed to do it consistently before until his stomach made an unusual noise. He placed a hand on it, confused. Adorable, you thought and reminded him he needed food.

Sometimes he'd skip meals, having work to do at the funeral parlor. You disliked such a habit and would shove food to his face, chopsticks close to his mouth. It confused him why you feeding him made him feel strange but not unwelcome. He would always keep a special pair of chopsticks with him, the one with the dragon and phoenix on it. Funny what mortals come up with. (Liyue citizens be shipping hardcore)

Oh? He bought his own home in Liyue to better assimilate his mortal life? Is there a bed? You're already asleep on it. Zhongli took one step in and saw your large form snoring in his room. He hadn't even told you where he moved in.

Honestly he wasn't surprised, you lazy bird. (Some part of him already knew. It was why he subconsciously picked the largest bed, even if it put a dent on his funds.) You were staying at his home more and more until the neighbors actually thought you were both married.

He tried to explain it to them but his face grew warmer as the neighbors gushed how devoted you seem coming home everyday before dinner with groceries. You two were the couple. To his surprise you laughed (in your human disguise) and didn't correct them, only wrapping a hand around his waist to pull him closer.

This misunderstanding seems to have extended to the rest of Liyue Harbor. He doesn't know how until his boss explained it like it was obvious. What were the locals supposed to think when they see you with a hand on the mysterious funeral consultant's shoulder or lower back, taking long walks around Liyue. He would be his usual self and trying to buy things he didn't have the money for but you pay for it anyways without thinking.

Eventually, it happened so much that merchants and shop owners would turn to you automatically after Zhongli made a purchase so you could hand out the money. In restaurants they knew to give you the check. Some people were jealous how much you pampered him. (A lot of breakups and divorces happened as people's standards rose.)

HuTao made fun of him for having a sugar daddy/mommy but told him not to mess up the relationship because it meant less funds missing from the funeral parlor.

The next time you two went on a walk he was now now more hyper aware of the large, warm hand pressed on his lower back. It felt natural when you first did it but now he wondered what this could mean. Or maybe it was a long time coming.

"Y/N care to make a contract with me?" He asked, there was something different about his expression. He seemed unsure. You were both watching the sunset over Liyue Harbor. In the distance you could hear a storyteller weave a tale about the arrival of the Phoenix to Liyue.

"Oh, what would that entail?"

"After I give up my gnosis, after I retire as an Archon... stay by my side, forever, until the end."

A pause. "We don't need a contract for that." You pulled him closer until he could feel your breath. After all, the Phoenix knew they would spend every reincarnation with their precious dragon.

In the distance, you hear the storyteller finish the story with "... the Phoenix soars over Liyue Harbor and sees a cor lapis born from the earth. It was so radiant and enchanting the sun that was its heart grew captivated. They vowed to stay in Liyue for as long as the cor lapis was theirs."

Baizhu

Its a wonder how the two of you could have met. A mortal healer and an immortal phoenix. The answer was: Qiqi

You were being your lazy self and napping in the wilds when a zombie child approached you. She was looking for herbs but got distracted when she saw you, in your vibrant clothes and shiny jewelry just laying across a bed of flowers. You recognized the the child, remembering the Yakshas' remorse. Still, you were in the middle of soaking up a sunbeam and tried to shoo her away.

This kept happening as the days went by. Until she ran into some treasure hoarders. You, admittedly, had started keeping an eye out for her even as you 'napped'. Before they could even lay a hand on her, your warning came in the form of a flaming tornado. In the end, the scum were sent running and you told the child to be more careful as you walked her back home, her tiny hand grasping your pants so she doesn't wander.

Reaching the pharmacy, the herbalist manning the desk greeted Qiqi with a smile until he paled at the sight of you. He immediately bowed. You waved it off, looking around curiously. You had never been in a place of healing. Mortal medicine was never concern being gifted with innate healing abilities. Then a voice called out, asking about the commotion.

You watched as one of the prettiest mortals you've ever seen walked in. Qiqi let go of your pants to stay near him. He seemed happy to see her until he saw you. Qiqi told him what happened earlier. His usual charisma returned to him and he thanked you for keeping his precious Qiqi safe. You didn't ask for anything in return but wanted to stick around and learn about the place and him. Mortal medicine had peaked your interest.

The following days Baizhu had you sometimes looking over his shoulder. You weren't obnoxious or interrupted his work but you were always there, learning about herbs and watching medicine being made. It's not like he could tell a powerful Adeptus to leave, especially when they weren't doing anything. Plus, you attracted customers.

But sometimes he wondered if your eyes were really on the medicine when he felt someone watching him intently. He'd look to you but you were already chatting with the herbalist. Changsheng would tease, seeing him hesitate around you. To prove her wrong he offered to show you in person how he healed people. That snake was already on your side, after you heaped compliments on them during your first meeting.

Now your closer. It was probably due to your biology but standing next to you felt like being next to a fireplace. He wasn't one to get flustered so easily, coyly asking if you understood what he demonstrated. You had been leaning forward to focus on it, his face a bit too close to your ear. Your eyes would glint a golden light meeting his and he'd shiver at the look. The serpent met its match.

Besides the thick tension between you two, there was a lot of wholesome moments with you babysitting Qiqi. For all your devil-may-care attitude, you took care of her and made sure nothing ever bothered her. HuTao ended up being tossed out like a cat by the scruff when she tried to bury her again. The zombie cowering behind you.

While you didn't interfere with his work, he did ask you to heal his patients sometimes when there wasn't any solution. When his illness got the better of him, you would use your flames on him too. It had a revitalizing effect. His days were much more pleasant now that you were around. Instead of payment, you asked to be around him more. Now you go on outdoor walks or picnics.

You understood what he was going through. As someone who always reincarnated, it meant experiencing times of severe exhaustion. It would be days feeling your body die on you. So with everything you had, you would help him with his.

"Oh? Qiqi hasn't taken up too much of your time Y/N?" he asked, watching the girl fiddle with one of golden chains on your person.

"No. She seems rather attached." you dangled one of your feather pieces and she tried to catch it. Sprawled across the ground, you looked impossibly eye-catching. Eventually, she noticed a butterfly and left to observe it.

He took a seat next to you. "Things have been much more manageable with your presence honorable Y/N. Be careful, or you might be stuck here. " he made it out to be lighthearted but in truth, he meant it. Watching you dote after Qiqi despite your 'uncaring' attitude was unfairly endearing.

Changsheng spoke up, "He's a greedy man. Leave while you still can or it'll be torture working for him." She slithered off his shoulders and on to your stomach, your warmth being too comfortable to resist. Traitor.

He drew a mock offended face. "Why I would never-"

"I don't mind." You looked him in the eyes and smirked. "It's a torture I'm coming to enjoy."

Not for the first time around you, he had no words. How dare you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

School finally lightened up which means time to get this done. Not a lot of characters to choose from. Ningguang or Beidou didn't seem like submissive types and everyone else was too young. Does this one feel a little more fluffy? Anyways, I did my best to get the characters down.

[magicpotatoobsession]

GIVEN | Ugetsu Murata Character Deep Dive

Ugetsu Murata is one of my absolute favourite characters out of any anime and manga because as a composer and musician, I can relate to his struggles on a spiritual level. I thought it might be kind of fun to really see how much we can try and understand this beautiful and flawed individual who is still very very deserving of love and a happy ending.

Ugetsu's Personality

Nonchalant and aloof exterior but extremely sensitive interior

Pivots between being a bit needy and dismissive, hot and cold

When it comes to the topic of music, he is extremely honest, sometimes a bit brutally honest.

Finds it hard to verbalise his true needs and wants - constantly self-sabotages.

Basically a walking human contradiction

Ugetsu and music is a matter of SURVIVAL

Let's first talk about Ugetsu's relationship with music. Ugetsu is an exceptional violinist deemed by others as having bestowed with genius talent. Everyone, including Akihiko and later of course Mafuyu when they go and attend one of Ugetsu's concerts are absolutely mesmerised by the way he plays and connects with the music. Everyone is so incredibly moved by the way he plays because

Ugetsu can be his authentic himself when he plays the violin.

For those few minutes on stage, Ugetsu doesn't need to hold back and can show people his emotions, his sensitivity, his overwhelming vulnerability and feelings for the world, he can let it all out because holding it in, would have probably killed him.

When Ugetsu says that he wanted to be with Akihiko but he's in love with music. What he really means is that music is his source of life, without it, he simply can't live. As an artist, I can actually really relate to that. Sometimes the overwhelming feelings of emotions need to be turned into art or music, there needs to be an outlet, it's unhealthy to actually keep it all in. We must understand that for Ugetsu, playing music is a matter of SURVIVAL otherwise his emotions all become a bit too much.

Ugetsu as we have established is an incredibly sensitive person. He knew that the relationship with Akihiko was suffocating the both of them because he realised how much his playing held back Akihiko as a person. Akihiko consciously or subconsciouly began to dedicate himself entirely to Ugetsu's happiness and lost his own drive and passion as a person. Ugetsu picks up on this so he began to also hold back (consciously or subconsciously) on how freely he could express himself with his music, which I believe became terrible for his own mental health. Music for Ugetsu is a form of therapy.

While he continued to provoke Akihiko to take music seriously again, he could tell when Akihiko was not confident in his playing knew he had to put an end to it. He knew it was bad for the both of them.

Ugetsu and the loneliness of the Genius

While music is just naturally a matter of emotional outlet and survival for Ugetsu, other people put him on a pedestal. Overwhelmed by the intensity of his emotions and playing, the audience cannot see him simply as a human being but as a genius. This is why, Ugetsu although admired by all and envied by all, we don't really see him get any sort of emotional satisfaction from winning a competition or playing well at a concert. It's just something he has to do and the consequence is that others idolise him and isolate him from their normal day to day interactions.

Although this is something that was sort of pushed on him, he himself fuels this victim mindset of 'loneliness' as well. @morievna explains it so well in this post about Ugetsu being stuck in the Ni-Ti loop, I'll leave it here.

I find it absolutely brilliant where through watching Mafuyu perform, Ugetsu also identified him as a genius. He not only means that Mafuyu has talent, but music perhaps is a matter of survival for him as well. Mafuyu communicates better through music than any other medium. I think there is so much weight in this line because Ugetsu I think predicts that Mafuyu is dealing with some level of loneliness as well and therefore is able to give such an outstanding performance.

Ugetsu is honest when it comes to music

Ugetsu also is not only incredibly perceptive but incredibly blunt when it comes to music as well. We see that he doesn't hold back on harsh feedback when Mafuyu comes to visit and play for him. He tells it as it is because music is easy for him to understand. Music doesn't lie.

But it seems like Ugetsu is only ever honest when he's playing music. Anything outside of that, he struggles to be vulnerable. Akihiko actually has a really hard time with that because he is getting two different versions of Ugetsu, one of authentic Ugetsu when he's performing and one of nonchalant hurtful Ugetsu who seems to not care about Akihiko at all.

I cover how this musically manifests between Akigetsu in much more detail in my blogpost the extraordinary link between Akigetsu and Tchaikovsky's violin Concerto in D.

Ugetsu's Love Languages

Ugetsu does sort of follow a bit of the genius stereotype a bit in the sense that outside of his music, he acts like a bit like a foetus. Of course, post-breakup in his New York apartment, we definitely see an improvement on his independence (makes me very happy).

1. His top love language is acts of service. Multiple times throughout, we see Ugetsu asking Akihiko for coffee, to be fed breakfast or dinner as a means of getting attention, love and care. In Chapter 21.5, it is revealed that his father was a diplomat and grandfather a politician and he's kind of just thrown into this concrete basement as a young adult. I think he can't help but continuously return to the Tender-Loving-Care that Akihiko provides that he so desperately lacked as a child due to his absent parents.

2. Second love language would be physical touch. I think more so than sex, he just wants to be held sometimes. I literally don't think Ugetsu enjoys sex all that much but more so the feeling of being truly desired by someone. That's why I believe he always has such a hard time saying no to Akihiko's advances even after they broke up. Everytime Ugetsu sleeps with someone else, it's actually a very conscious attempt to break things off with Akihiko.

Quality time just doesn't seem possible with being a renowned violinist and honestly, as a musician, I really relate to that. Dating is hard for artists because schedules and performances are all over the place.

Words of affirmation I don't think is even a thing between Akihiko and Ugetsu. Ugetsu communicates through provoking Akihiko to try and get him to be more confident and serious in his music. But anything outside of music, Ugetsu cannot be honest. The two actually insult each other more than they give each other compliments.

Least favourite love language is probably receiving gifts, as shown with Ugetsu slapping away the mug that Akihiko got for him. It seemed like an overly dramatic moment at the time when I first watched the Given Movie but I think in all honesty, I think it was a good representation to show how Ugetsu began to take Akihiko and his TLC for granted after a while and the moment the mug broke, it was a metaphor for him realising how much he was hurting Akihiko and taking advantage of the Akihiko's overwhelming love for him.

Ugetsu has Anxious Avoidant Attachment Style

According to psychologists Nicolas Favez and Herve Tissot, the researchers behind the 2019 study from Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, these are some of the traits of the Anxious Avoidant Partner:

Severe difficulty regulating their emotions in relationships - 100% he is always pivoting between hot and cold

Responding poorly or inappropriately to negative emotions - because Ugetsu is so sensitive, he actually internalises all of Akihiko's insecurity and pain while at the same time hurts Akihiko to break things off, which in turn hurts himself even more, it's a vicious cycle

Negative view of themselves - actually admits that he is the "lowest son of a bitch towards Akihiko"

Perceiving other people and their support negatively - doesn't trust Akihiko's sacrifice of wanting to be with him

Less commitment and satisfaction in romantic relationships - well, this point explains itself.

Higher likelihood of showing violence in their relationships - well, point explains itself.

Having a very high number of sexual partners - point explains itself

More sexual compliance (when asked for sex, you're likely to say yes) - everytime Akihiko makes any advances, Ugetsu accepts.

Elevated anxiety - everytime Akihiko leaves, Ugetsu is just emotionally completely going crazy hoping he would come back. The basement is completely in disarray.

Fear of intimacy or fear of relationships - He loves Akihiko to death. On one hand he's doing it for Aki's mental wellbeing. On another, he's self-sabotaging.

People like that often say:

I want to get emotionally close to my partner, but I worry about them hurting my feelings.

I want to feel close to my partner, but I also don’t trust them to want to be close to me.

I can’t live without my partner, even though being with them isn’t working.

I don't know about you but that sounds very much like Ugetsu. Ugetsu self-sabotages and it's because as a child he's been neglected for so long, he wants to be loved but he also craves to be alone. He is always so anxious whenever he pushes Akihiko away and hopes that he will come back.

So how can Ugetsu heal?

I think Ugetsu is well and truly on the path of healing. A period of independence will actually do him a lot of good in New York. Ugetsu needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet as an adult and practise proper hygiene and self-care without being completely reliant on music as a way of outlet and therapy.

Ugetsu if he is to find the right kind of partner, they need to have a secure attachment style and have lots of patience with him. Someone who initiates conversation and actually asks and says,

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you doing this? What is the actual meaning behind your actions?"

Someone who holds him accountable whenever he tries to self-sabotage. Ugetsu needs to then step forward and start practising and noticing his new partner's love languages and meet in the middle, rather than have one person in the role of the caretaker and one in the role of the child.

He probably shouldn't date anyone in the music industry is my honest opinion, or date someone that's in a completely different field of music than he is.

HAHAHA the person that actually comes to mind is Iwaizumi from Haikyuu because I can't help but see some similarities between Oikawa and Ugetsu. Iwaizumi definitely seems like that type to be able to call people out on their bullshit while also being able to be a bit goofy and fun as well. Yeah I ship it.

Also, Ugetsu needs to spend more time working on building genuine, strong platonic friendships. I think he is actually doing well in that department, replying to Mafuyu's congratulatory message straight away. Ugetsu needs to take risks and put himself out there a bit more and become less codependent and enmeshed with other people's feelings. Harder done than said but I believe in him :)

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Masterlist of my Given Metas

If you like what you read, all I post is Given analysis content! Give my blog a follow to be notified of new posts! #metapotato

[scary-senpai]

It's good to see this come up in the manga, because this is something I'd been wondering about/concerned about since I dipped my toes into the OPM-verse: what it means to be a monster, both figuratively and literally. (Well, I guess "good" is the wrong word, but you get what I mean).

I wrote this on my main blog awhile ago (OG post is here), but I think the point still stands, so I'll say it again:

Monster has a funny etymology — it’s an antiquated term for all the things we didn’t understand once upon a time, because we didn’t know any better.

Those bones belong to a dinosaur, not a dragon — and that terrifying, strange and mysterious creature has always been the same animal — even if we called it something else for centuries, that doesn’t alter its core components. But the words we choose influence the sentiment surrounding a thing and that’s why some people see a monster where others just see a Precious Wolf Boy.

The stories we tell take on a life of their own — growing into myth and lore; misunderstandings that we can feed or even dispel, if we’re so inclined to enlighten others. This is why, as an avid reader, nomenclature — an artist’s rationale for picking one descriptor over another — has always fascinated me. And also I worked in a linguistics lab for awhile, that ruined me for anything else.

Today, the word “monster” survives mainly as metaphor or hyperbole. Going back to my earlier example — if I refer to a dinosaur as a “monster,” you might take umbrage with the accuracy of my terminology but you’d understand the subtext behind why I chose it & the emotions I intended to evoke.

Nowadays, people would more readily apply the word monster to other humans — humans that kill indiscriminately and strip away the rights of others — than any unexplained phenomena in the natural world. Essentially, what's happening to Psykos here (and possibly Garou in the future, and definitely Amai Mask in the WC).

The point that ONE/Murata make is a worthwhile one: if you support the right to something, then you have to support those rights for everyone--even people you don't like. Once you draw a line in the sand, it won't stay put.

“no rights/no assets because monster!” is literally something out of the propaganda books (and unfortunately from not-so-recent history).

Anyway, I think it’s interesting that ONE specifically mentioned rights and asset forfeiture. I can’t speak for the author, of course, but it’s an unusual (and very specific!) aspect of world building. It’s a heavy thing to touch and never revisit again.

Given that OPM is fundamentally about subverting tropes, I always read the monsters as neutral beings — and I will point out that ONE goes so far as to frame them as a public health issue (because anger / dissatisfaction cause people to transform) or environmental (pollution causes the water/earth/animals to transform). And fighting monsters inadvertently causes them to evolve and become stronger — which seems like a case against fighting them, and a good reason to focus on the root cause.

This post peripherally inspired by: an episode of throughline where one of the guests more or less said: “we get all high and mighty about the concept of ‘humanity’ and 'human nature’ but in reality no other living creatures are as cruel as humans. you don’t see penguins rounding up and torturing other penguins.”

Anyway just putting that out there as a thought, and also sharing the whimsical imagery of penguin strife. Here's the OG episode; this is one of my favorite podcasts: https://www.npr.org/2021/03/15/977526130/chaos

[pyrodigy]

pls talk more about dawn,, also diluc's hawk!! I'm just curious about them both.

with pleasure !!

i've actually been meaning to make a whole post about dawn with doodles for reference, but since i've never gotten around to the doodling bit i only have this to offer right now

the gist of it, if it's not obvious, is that dawn grew up alongside diluc. she was just a baby phoenix chick when he first got his vision (diluc probably first summoned her by trying to make his flames take specific shapes, with birds of prey being especially familiar given theyre a family symbol). she went from the size of a hawk to the size of a giant condor throughout his teenage years. of course, giving up his vision meant parting with her as well, so it was quite the shock to summon her again years later and seeing how much she'd grown.

that's also when diluc acquired a better understanding of what she really was. before then, she'd always been a very friendly presence, enthusiastic, intrepid, eager to please. diluc simply figured he'd been blessed with an elemental companion (think of oz, or razor's electro wolf - although i doubt either of those had their visions back then already, i assume it wasnt completely unheard of). however, dawn was very different from how diluc remembered her when they reunited - not only bigger, but also much more fierce and standoffish, not unlike the vision-bearer who brought her to life.

for dawn is not just a companion but a reflection of diluc himself, an embodiment of his soul brought about through the element he's so attuned to. think of daemons in the golden compass/his dark materials - dawn is much like that ! she can reveal diluc's state of mind or how he might feel about the people he's with, for example - which is part of the reason why he only calls upon her in battle nowadays. they share a very strong connection; diluc will feel it if she gets hurt (also why she's only summoned briefly in battle when she is), just as he will feel it if she's praised or dotted on.

of course, keeping her ignited takes energy in and of itself, though it can be worth it in certain situations (like wanting to keep warm or intimidate), and certain circumstances (like having her out for very long or flying away very far) makes it more demanding. notably, keeping her out and about in the rain is very unpleasant for the both of them, you can actually see her flames are more scattered and not as bright

as for diluc's bird,

this was actually the first headcanon i ever posted on my original blog. the gist of my theory being that it's vennessa. to reprise the main points making up this theory:

vennessa reincarnated into a falcon that looks very similar to the one in diluc's idle animation. she's also one of the four winds, 'the falcon of the west', and would be the only one of the four winds we still haven't seen in-game for some reason if she wasn't the bird in diluc's idle.

in the manga, venti see her after waking from a long nap and says something along the lines of 'oh she's still watching over mondstadt', implying that she very much is still around and keeping watch after all these years, in spite of what people may think.

there’s a number of hints that strongly imply diluc is vennessa’s descendent; the several bird symbols associated with the ragnvindr family, the hair color, the connection to pyro (children of murata), etc. which would explain why vennessa would check on him regularly

perhaps less relevant, but the dawn winery area is the westernmost region of mondstadt, so it would even make sense if she kept an eye on this area especially.

the idea behind diluc's first encounter with her is similar to that of dawn's, in that he was very young at the time and didnt really catch on to her true nature until years later. i like to think she would have approached him out in the wild, and being already familar with the basics of falconry (thanks dad) diluc simply offered an arm as a perch and never questioned why a wild falcon would already be trained. again, they eventually got wind (eheheheehe) of her identity over the years, but her secret is safe with him.

(the new idle is legitimately the first thing to make me doubt this theory, although it made a lot of sense up until this point, i dont think the spirit of vennessa would serve as diluc's personal messenger bird - not unless it's to dive into another potential theory that she specifically watches over him because he defends mondstadt on her behalf, but that's much less likely. i really hope we actually get a bit of lore on that front with the new outfit so i can decide whether or not to adjust my interpretation sdfjhfsdh)

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Chapter 147 Review:  Toxic

Story: Preview to a catastrophe

I’m going to do something a little unusual.  Rather than give a summary of what happened, I’m going to save everything else that happens that for the meta and focus the story itself on just one thing.  Garou’s return.

For a guy of many many words, Garou here is wordless, a creature of instinct, rage, and an unstoppable desire to put down any hero he encounters. Social niceties be damned.

no, Fubuki, you don’t belong in this battle

Bomb realises very quickly that this isn’t going to be a fight that he can afford to not engage fully with.  He wastes no time unleashing his trademark long-range offensive move, although he’s no slouch in close- up fighting either.  I love how the panel below superimposes several snapshots in time in a single image, as if the cameraman hasn’t enough time to separate the action into individual frames. It sells the speed and fury of the fight better than many blurry images.  Also Murata is flexing on us with regards to his portrayal of fight choreography, he’s allowed. :)

For his own part, Garou flows effortlessly from conventional to unconventional in his fighting, bending improbably out of the way one moment, parrying in an orthodox manner the next.  Eventually the seeming balance between the two breaks inexorably in Garou’s favour, leaving Bomb marvelling at the former’s incredible evolution.

Nothing for it, there’s no choice but to kill Garou if possible. Bomb hides a hand behind his back as he readies his iron-cutting fist one last time.  It’s unfortunate that Garou has long since intuited how to do the same when he faced off against the Monster King, half a day ago ( I know, it’s been years for us), and does exactly the same, matching up timing and intensity perfectly with Bomb’s, thus cancelling it out.

Bang finally catches up to where the two are fighting to find his elder brother defeated.

Just as at the end of chapter 83, master and disciple face off.  But the atmosphere between the two could not be more different, and the stakes are about as high as they could possibly get.

What new awakening will come from the next fight?  Portents are dire.

Meta: Elsewhere

What doesn’t kill me has made a tactical mistake

For a story whose big schtick is that surviving what should have killed one makes one stronger,  it’s surprising the amount and variety of mileage it gets out of that idea.

Making light of the idea, we have Genos literally rocketing back to his feet and casually dusting himself off after being smashed into a hole in the ground by Black Sperm.  After being thrown into or through so many bits of masonry and earth, getting up with elan is nothing to him.  Damn, he’s become tough! Awesome.

On the opposite side, making dark of the idea, we have Fuhrer Ugly, whose strength of hatred and rage is such that he keeps continuously reforming despite being continually digested by Gums’ digestive fluids... and has turned that into a new ability, able to melt anyone who touches him, kill with his spit, and reform after being cut.  Terrifying.

And on the other other side, a perfect hypotenuse of awesome and terrifying, we have Garou.  He has disinterred himself from the remains of the Monster Association base and while apparently fighting more by instinct than reason, his moves reprise everything he’s learned to date through his life-and-death fights with incredible fluency.

And of course, there’s Tank Top Master whose tank top seems to have magically preserved his life.  I wonder what Fubuki has in mind for Pig God to do to help her help Tank Top Master.

Anyway, talking about serious injury...

Let’s talk about gore, baby

I’ve said before that I’m tired of all injuries accruing to either Genos or Zombieman and wanted some flesh-and-blood to be mangled.  I don’t take that back: share the pain, baby!

But even for my evil heart, hoo, the brutal suddenness with which Fuhrer Ugly ended Zambai’s life was yikes!  Heroes may never die, but those next to them have no such protection.  I’m sorry man.  You paid the highest price for supporting a hero.

Heroes may never die but that doesn’t mean they can’t suffer horribly.  If Tank Top Master being turned into a human patty wasn’t grisly enough, finding out that SuperAlloy’s famously resistant shine isn’t chemically resistant is enough to give one a shudder of horror/disgust:  his hands have been defleshed down to tendon and bone.

Never mind fear; it’s going to be a while before  SuperAlloy *can* fight at all. And with his chest being burned as well, I think that he will be lucky not to come away with disfiguring scars.  He might start wearing a shirt after this...

  ONE, have some mercy for your heroes or half of them will never work again. But not too much mercy, they’ve had it too easy for too long.

There’s more to help than rescue

If you’d told me that this day would see Genos earning the trust and respect of the heroes he has called the bitch and the witch respectively, and that feeling would be mutual, I’d have told you to stop fantasising.   I’ve spent enough words talking about the unexpected compassion he showed to Fubuki when the latter was beside herself with worry for her sister.

Tatsumaki has internalised the advice Blast gave her so thoroughly that she’s come to think herself as being beyond help.  But there’s more to help than haplessly accepting rescue.   Help can also be someone intervening only when you most need it, respecting that you can generally take care of yourself.  Help can be sharing the burden, enabling you to achieve more, more easily.  Help can be having your back so you can fight without fear of ambush.  All of these forms of help Genos has provided to Tatsumaki from the moment the battle pitched high into the sky.  And she’s had his back too.  Seeing her consciously acknowledge that and lean into it was an amazing gift I didn’t know I needed. 

from allies in name only to comrades-in-arms, what a fearsome pair!  Gambatte!

Of course it can get worse

The heroes’ situation seems to be getting worse and worse.  Their number is being whittled down to size: Tank Top Master is out for the count, Bang is tied up, Superalloy Darkshine is maimed, Atomic is out of his main weapon, Child Emperor is lost somewhere and Puri Puri is looking for him, Zombieman and Amai Mask are still pulling themselves together, and Tatsumaki and Genos are standing more by spite than strength. 

On the other hand, the monsters aren’t out of monster by any means.  There’s still lots of Black Sperm, Evil Natural Water is surely sloshing around somewhere,  Vomited Furher Ugly is a pungent threat, and Homeless Emperor is watching proceedings with an amused eye.  I called the monsters the sundew monsters for a reason -- they waste heroes by outlasting their efforts.

The standing heroes are going to need respite, or a diversion, or reinforcements pretty soon or they’re going to all die for real.   Preferably all three.  We’ll take two out of three.

Further notes:  The Cyborg is Listening

The first thing Kuseno says to Genos when the latter comes back after a bruising encounter with a monster is ‘are you alright?’  That we know.  The second thing has to be ‘did you bring me good data?’  Everything that happens to Genos, everything he touches, everything he sees, everything he hears, all that information is recorded for later recall and distillation into useable data.   We’ve been admiring how capable and tough this new upgrade has proven to be.  It’s all hard-won insights, built one on the other.    Does that mean I’m discounting what Genos does?  Hell no.  It’s his extreme courage and willingness to step into the most hopeless situations that has enabled this valuable data to be gathered in the first place.  And it’s his using these wonderful upgrades to push as hard as he can despite the risk that makes it worth Kuseno’s while to stay up late to craft them.  Now I’m super-interested in finding out what new insights the pair will glean from today’s fighting.

...polite engineer for ‘fuck you’

Sure, like many serious things in One-Punch Man, it initially appears as a gag,  but if you’ve not been paying attention to date, hear this: good data is like gold dust in this world.   And people will kill for it.   As we watch the dissipating contrails where Drive Knight was as he carries his precious samples home, don’t way you weren’t warned.

[x0401x]

Given Movie: Animate Times Interview

Interviewing Nakazawa Masatomo-san, Eguchi Takuya-san and Asanuma Shintarou-san | What is this “being in love with someone irreplaceable” thing that the three of them talk about?

“I used to think that love was something softer, sweeter, gentler.”

“I like him so, so much that I can’t help myself – I want to stay close to him... but it’s painful.”

There is no mistaking that such bitter and heated love will make your chest tighten in “Given the Movie”, which was finally released on August 22nd (Saturday). The TV anime that aired from July to September 2019 was about the romance of the high school members of the band, Uemoyama Ritsuka and Satou Mafuyu, but this time, the one being depicted is the heartrending love between the adult members, Nakayama Haruki and Kaji Akihiko, plus Murata Ugetsu.

Thus, we have carried out an interview with the voice of Nakayama Haruki, Nakazawa Masatomo-san, the voice of Kaji Akihiko, Eguchi Takuya-san, and the voice of Murata Ugetsu, Asanuma Shintarou-san. What did these three people from the casting feel in regards to this “adult romance” of falling in love with someone irreplaceable...?

The character named Ugetsu, whom he made sure not to play too theatrically.

——Firstly, tell us your impressions when you read the script and the new appeal of the characters.

Voice of Murata Ugetsu, Asanuma Shintarou (henceforth “Asanuma”): Ugetsu didn’t show up much in the TV series, but despite having few appearances, there were key scenes where one could get a glimpse at what kind of person he is.

It’s because Ugetsu is a genius that he’s indifferent to anything other than music and people presume upon him, like, “If this person says so, then I guess it can’t be helped”. Sometimes, although he says harsh things aloud, he actually really appreciates the other person deep down.

The TV anime portrayed him as feeling sympathy towards Mafuyu and having interest in him, but when I read the script of this movie, I sensed that Ugetsu was pulled in even further by Mafuyu’s charm. As Ugetsu met Mafuyu, I feel that, during the parts where he had a frank talk with Mafuyu and spilled onto him the honest feelings that he absolutely could never tell Akihiko, the two geniuses took one more step forward at being drawn to each other.

It’s exactly because they’re similar that a side of Ugetsu that he doesn’t show to other people incidentally ends up coming to light. I felt once again that Mafuyu has a mysterious power, which enables others to be sincere.

——This one is about a painful romance between three people, including Ugetsu, but what was your impression of this work in regards to “Given”?

Asanuma: Ever since the TV series, I felt it was a show that portrayed the most detailed parts of human emotions very sensibly. There’s also the fact that it’s my first time taking part in a BL work, so I thought a lot about how to perform.

——Ugetsu in particular has a delicate heart and spirit unique of a genius, so I believe you must have had to be very cautious in terms of acting.

Asanuma: That’s right. I was very careful not to be too theatrical. It’s exactly because he’s portrayed so sensibly that, if I wound up being too theatrical, this meticulousness might have turned out purposeful.

——Next, Nakazawa-san, please.

Voice of Nakayama Haruki, Nakazawa Masatomo-san (henceforth, “Nakazawa”): In the TV series, the character I played, Haruki, had been thinking, together with Akihiko as the supporters of the high school duo, about what to do for the band to succeed, from a point of view that was different from Akihiko’s. It felt like Akihiko would cause the action to happen by using a detonator and make good things out of it, but in Haruki’s case, he would conduct himself calmly, making sure that everyone would be able to do things as freely as possible.

The dealing methods and ways of thinking unique of these two were present in the TV anime, but I think that after experiencing the live concert of “Fuyu no Hanashi”, everyone in the adult group was influenced by it and a change happened, as Haruki began to feel his own loneliness very keenly. Moreover, he watched Mafuyu, who at first had no idea how to play a guitar at all, blossoming his musical talent and steadily learning the ropes, so he started having a complex about being an extremely ordinary and average person.

The things that were under the surface until then began to appear on his face, and there was a part where one can get a glimpse that Haruki also feels these kinds of things. Until now, Haruki had been doing his best to conceal his feelings for Akihiko so that they wouldn’t show... still, they were clear as day (laughs).

All: (Laugh).

Nakazawa: In that sense, there are also feelings that end up being conveyed without words, and I think this can be said not just for Haruki and Akihiko’s relationship but also Akihiko and Ugetsu’s.

There are things that get conveyed even if you don’t put them into words, and also things that are conveyed for the very first time when you use words. I felt this part of it a lot in the script when I read it.

——Eguchi-san, what did you think when you read the script?

Voice of Kaji Akihiko, Eguchi Takuya (henceforth, “Eguchi”): This is a part of the story where the feelings of the adult members speed up and their hearts start moving, so I myself was looking forward to it as well. When I read the script, of course, I found that there was a big number of lines for each of us.

In Akihiko’s case, you can see parts of himself that weren’t shown in the TV series, so I began from destroying the sculpture of him that the TV anime had cemented. There were the usual monologues and narrations in the script, and at the recordings, I discussed with the direction the balance of up to what point they would be monologues and what point they would be narrations. In that sense, I was able to have all sorts of fun and do all sorts of tricks, so it felt worth it.

——About the point of breaking the sculpture of Akihiko in order to show a new side of him, was there any “fear” in that?

Eguchi: In the end, when I was told that I shouldn’t throw in the things I had thought out, I could only accept it with a “yes” (laughs).

Nakazawa & Asanuma: (Laugh).

Eguchi: But this team drew out the wish to give it a try and made me want to create good things together with them, so I trusted the people around me and managed to take on challenge with a “guess I’ll tackle that one”.

——Was there anything about Akihiko’s appeal that you were able to feel anew?

Eguchi: There were parts where I thought, “He was that compassionate!?”. Akihiko gives off quite the cool vibes, so I was wondering, “Where would the things that move his heart be?”. I thought he just couldn’t take a step forward because he was scared of changing the “now”.

But the movie did the work of making him properly face many things and rethink over something that seems to be his true intentions, so in a way, it put an end to them. A realistic part of him came to light. Until now, we were able to get glimpses of childishness in his adult side, but in the movie, this childishness appears in a realistic manner.

The romance of the adult trio, in which countless types of “like” are mixed up in complicated ways.

——The TV anime portrayed the light romance of the high schoolers, but this movie is about the painful love of the adult trio. Regarding the point of “falling for someone that can’t be replaced”, what did you feel that the adult trio’s romance was?

Eguchi: I think “falling for someone irreplaceable” is the same for any kind of romantic love.

Asanuma: Indeed.

Eguchi: I believe it’s exactly because no one can be replaced that there are things we won’t understand unless we try to face them. I think, if your love was requited and you became lovers, dating each other isn’t the goal and that life is about discussing it with each other so that it will become something certain.

I feel like the adult trio took this decision too. They muster out their true feelings after they start facing each other, but in contrast, it’s exactly because those are their true feelings that they didn’t come out before. There were things about this conflict that I felt empathy for.

Asanuma: There are things you end up realizing through your accumulated experiences precisely because you’re an adult. This is linked, for example, to inferiority complexes and to the feeling of not wanting to get in the other person’s way.

Nakazawa: It’s also something slightly different from kindness.

Asanuma: You might just be scared of what you’ve come to know, but things such as withdrawing yourself due to loving the other person too much aren’t something that you’d even think about when you were a grade schooler (laughs).

Nakazawa: True (laughs).

Asanuma: There are many sorts of “like” out there, which surge in complicated ways.

Nakazawa: I also think that being able to break up properly is one of the final forms of adult love. That not clashing each other’s opinions by going, “I can’t deal with you anymore” and breaking up, but instead putting each other’s circumstances side-by-side and concluding that “it might be better for us not to be together anymore” is a form of love.

I believe that if you arrive to a different answer, such as, “Then, how about we live together this way?” after learning about each other’s situation, that in itself is also adult love. Unlike the kind of romance where you simply convey the feeling of liking someone, the things you have to rethink about in order to realize the thought that “we can’t live together”, which lies beyond being in love with each other, are what adult love is.

Asanuma: Haruki, Akihiko and Ugetsu are called the “adult trio” but they’re not adults at all.

Nakazawa: That’s right. There’s a part of them that finally grows up after the movie.

Asanuma: Additionally, there’s the “unconditional love”, which you don’t learn unless you grow up. Even I, who am in my 40’s, haven’t found my way to an unconditional love yet.

Eguchi: Unconditional love is difficult...

Asanuma: It might be a form of love that won’t happen unless it’s between parent and children or towards pets.

Eguchi: We actually have no idea what our pets are thinking, but we’re like, “I’m taking care of them so I guess that’s okay”.

Nakazawa: We might get really sad if we knew what pets truly think (laughs). Maybe they wouldn’t say anything other than “Food! Food!” (laughs).

Asanuma: If it were just that, it’d still be okay! They might think it would’ve been better if a different family had bought them (laughs).

Eguchi: Ahahahaha.

Nakazawa: That would be so painful~ (laughs). In Akihiko and Ugetsu’s case, supposing there was nothing left undone between them, both of them had music, which might have become the reason why things turned sour, I think. Even when you take the other person’s wellbeing into consideration, you can’t bring yourself to step back at all.

Asanuma: We often hear that “rather than thinking, ‘This person is my inspiration!’, the feeling of being able to respect the person’s essence is more important”, but Akihiko and Ugetsu weren’t doing well at all even though they respect each other.

Eguchi: That’s the difficult part. There might be something like... “the more you respect each other, the worse it gets”.

Asanuma: There’s that too, which is why I think no one can give the correct answer regarding the right way to begin a romantic relationship.

Eguchi: At the end of the day, there are things we can’t say exactly because we are close to the other person, even though we like them. There are also words that people don’t or can’t say when there’s distance between them.

Maybe it would have turned into a different relationship if said words had been conveyed, but... I guess the real deal is when there are words that don’t come out exactly because of that. Thinking this way, I believe that human beings are truly complicated.

Asanuma: We’re indeed complicated, so I’ve decided that I’ll definitely be a dog if I ever reincarnate (laughs).

All: (Laugh).

Asanuma-san, who clads himself in the air of a genius, Nakazawa-san, who is tolerance incarnate, and Eguchi-san, who gives off a sense of security.

——Please tell us what each of you felt through this movie, in terms of acting and whatnot, as part of the cast.

Nakazawa: (Looking at Asanuma-san) He has a silent intensity.

Asanuma: Eh!? I don’t~!

Nakazawa: When he’s playing Ugetsu, he has a sense of presence and I feel a quiet pressure from him.

Eguchi: Asanuma-san is far too skilled at putting on the air of a genius.

Asanuma: It’s just “putting on”, though, right? I can quickly take it off (laughs).

All: (Laugh).

Eguchi: That’s what being a pro is. “The way he clads himself in the air of a genius is genius!” is what I thought. Your splendid push-and-pull acting is just wonderful.

Asanuma: Really!? I have this thing where I try to explain everything with my voice no matter what. Before, in a different recording, the sound director told me, “The animation is already doing the explanations, so you don’t have to try to explain it with your voice so much”.

That’s exactly why I make sure not to be too theatrical with characters such as Ugetsu, for the subtleties of their emotions are extremely detailed, and was all the more conscious of not trying to make it seem special, since this is a love pattern that can be found anywhere.

——In your eyes, Asanuma-san, what is Nakazawa-san’s appeal?

Asanuma: Nakazawa-san is tolerance incarnate.

Nakazawa: Thank you very much (laughs).

Asanuma: This tolerance of his is Haruki entirely.

Eguchi: He gives of a superb mom vibe. Same in the recordings.

——Even in the short time span of this interview, Nakazawa-san has been transmitting an air of calmness.

Eguchi: Nakazawa-san himself is soft, like, you can feel the tolerance from him.

Asanuma: Nakazawa-san might disagree with this, but “looking troubled” suits him.

Nakazawa: I disagree~! (Laughs).

Eguchi: Ahahahaha.

Asanuma: So it feels like there are people around him who want to try and give him trouble (laughs).

Nakazawa: This rings a bell with one person. Someone named Tamaru Atsushi (laughs).

All: (Laugh).

——Then, Haruki is the perfect role for Nakazawa-san!

Nakazawa: That’s right. I myself basically accept any one and any kind of comment.

Asanuma: But you have to let it out every now and then, y’know?

Nakazawa: Yes. I vent every so often.

——From Nakazawa-san’s viewpoint, what is Eguchi-san’s appeal as the voice of Akihiko?

Nakazawa: (Looking at Eguchi-san) He has a fine sharpness.

Asanuma: That’s like the appeal of a beer (laugh).

All: (Laugh).

Nakazawa: His low-pitched voice gives off an imposing impression, but his acting is extremely sharp. There’s a decisive fineness to him as he gives birth to a detonator within Given and tries to set a little fire to anything that seems inflammable. He also firmly takes ahold of the essential points while performing as-is, so it draws out our motivation and gives off a sense of trust.

——Asanuma-san, what about you?

Asanuma: He (Eguchi-san) gives me a sense of security. Ah, not because his body is big, okay?

Eguchi: (Laughs).

Asanuma: He feels like a spiritual bodyguard. “Given” was my first participation in a BL series, but when I was told that “the other party is Eguchi-kun”, I thought, “Ah, it’s going to be okay.”

——Ooh!

Nakazawa: In contrast, I thought, “Is it really okay to be me?” (laughs).

Eguchi: Ahahahaha.

Asanuma: To me, Nakazawa-san is tolerance and Eguchi-kun is security.

[todoroki-waifu]

Tanjiro x GN!Reader x Murata (one sided) 

Final: Tanjiro x Reader

Scenario: Murata asks Tanjiro to help him get to know the reader better. He specifically wants Tanjiro to find out if they’re single and their likes/dislikes. Of course, being the nice friend he is, Tanjiro agrees; however, he didn’t expect to fall in love with the reader as well.  

Word Count: 6518

Genre: Slight angst, drama, and fluff. 

Warnings: Gender neutral reader, cursing, love triangle, and some mentions of blood. 

“I can’t believe I’m tired already and we still have the rest of the afternoon. I hope I can make it.” You pout slightly, settling down on the outside porch of the Butterfly Estate. All the lower ranks were to train with the higher ranks and Pillars in order to prepare for the battle against Muzan. You and Tanjiro just finished training with Uzui, now waiting for the rest of your group to meet for lunch.

“I’m sure you can make it! You’re strong and I believe in you!” You slightly blushed at his words of encouragement, now feeling that you would regain your strength after your short break.

“Thanks, Tanjiro-kun.” You reply back as you look up at the sky, watching the clouds as you both sat there in silence. Tanjiro eyes you from the side, remembering his promise to Murata. He knew the boy wanted to know if you had a significant other, but it was hard for Tanjiro to bring it up. So he decided to start with smaller questions.

“Hey, __(y/n), I don’t think I ever asked you this but what’s your favorite color?” He asks and you turn your attention to him.

“You and your random questions. I hope you’re not collecting any data to use against me.” You laugh jokingly as he stutters slightly.

“O-of course not. I’d never do that to you. I-I’m genuinely curious.” Tanjiro hopes his cover isn’t blown.

“I’m just kidding. I know you won’t. Anyway, my favorite color is __(color).” And that simple question opened up a discussion of different topics. You noticed Tanjiro asking you random questions for the past two weeks, but figured he was just a curious guy. You actually enjoyed it since you loved his company. You met at Mount Natagumo and ended up seeing each other more often. The trio plus Nezuko basically added you to their group, seeing how frequently you were paired with them for missions. You didn’t mind. You got along well with them. 

“___(y/n)-chaaaan!” You hear a familiar thunder user’s voice. “Save meeee! I’m gonna diiiiie!”

You and Tanjiro turn your heads towards the entrance of the Butterfly mansion, the dark red head’s eyes widening slightly at how fast Zenitsu was running. Zenitsu was sprinting to you with wide arms, whining about how mean Sanemi was and how his tough training was killing him. Tanjiro reacts quickly, grabbing the front of your uniform and pulling you towards him. You froze at the sudden pull, your hands unconsciously latching onto Tanjiro’s chest. 

“Z-z-zenitsu!” He grabbed you just in time, watching the yellow orange haired male hug the air and fall beside you. “You have to be careful! You were running way too fast and could’ve hurt __(y/n)!" 

"But I’m going to diiiiie.” Zenitsu pouts as you hear Tanjiro scold him some more. Your heart was racing not only from being potentially tackled, but at how closely pressed you were to Tanjiro. He ignores Zenitsu’s complaints as he glances down at you, both his arms now encased around you. 

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Y-yes, I’m fine. Thank you, T-tanjiro.” Your nerves were twisting and shaking, causing your voice to break during your sentence. Tanjiro couldn’t respond right away, his own heart racing at the proximity. He suddenly becomes aware of how __(color) and alluring your eyes were. 

The way you stared up at him, the way your lips were slightly parted, and how your hair frames your face; Tanjiro is only now appreciating your beauty. He felt a few degrees warmer as his breath was trapped in his lungs. He didn’t understand why his heart was pacing so quickly almost as if it was chasing something… or someone? 

“I-I-I’m so sorry!” He immediately releases you from his hold as he scoots back a bit as if to return your space. “I didn’t mean to just grab you like that. That was so rude of me, I truly apologize!”

Before he could bow, you held onto his shoulders, reassuring him that you were just fine.

“Don’t be silly! I’m glad you did that. Otherwise, I might’ve bumped heads with Zenitsu-kun or he might have squished me." 

Tanjiro laughs sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head as he hears Inosuke and Murata at the entrance. Ah, and that was another thing you noticed lately. Murata has been hanging out with your group a bit more often than usual. You assumed he probably felt like he wanted to connect more with all of you or that maybe his circle of friends were split up during training sessions. 

"Hi Inosuke-kun, Murata-kun.” You greet the boys with a smile and wave.

“The great Inosuke-sama has completed his training! Now I’m hungry… let’s get food!" 

"H-h-hi, __(y/n)-chan! How was your morning?” Murata instantly blushes at your smile, butterflies swarming in his stomach. 

“We should go see if Aoi-san needs any help! C'mon, guys.” Tanjiro gets behind Zenitsu and Insouke, pushing them to the kitchen area.

“We should go, too.” You tell Murata, but Tanjiro stops the both of you.

“It’s okay! We’ll be quick. We’ll come back if we’re not needed. You guys just…just stay there!” He immediately rushes his two friends as you tilt your head to the side slightly.

————————————

“Why are we hiding? I thought we were going to the kitchen?” Inosuke grumbles with his arms crossed.

“Oh, good! They’re talking.” Tanjiro lets out a small sigh, peeking out the window, careful to not be seen. He stopped pushing the boys once he was at a safe distance from you, checking if Murata was taking the opportunity he had given him. 

“He still hasn’t confessed?” Zenitsu knew about Murata’s dilemma, surprised that the black haired boy still made no move. “If it was me, I would’ve just asked ___(y/n) to be mine." 

"You already do.” The flame and water user rolls his eyes. “Murata-san is just really nervous. He wants to make sure he confesses to them properly." 

Zenitsu eyes his friend in the green and black checkered haori, blinking curiously when he notices Tanjiro’s gaze focused on you. When your laughter echoed in the courtyard, his sensitive ears picked up the quickening rate of Tanjiro’s heartbeat. Before he could question, Aoi found them lounging in the middle of the hallway, scolding them to hurry into the lunch room. 

That night, the three boys were getting ready for bed, laying out their futons on the floor. 

"You stupid boar, move your futon! That is MY spot!” Zenitsu yells, glaring at the mountain boy who laid right in the middle of the room. 

“No it’s not! It’s mine!” Inosuke grabs his pillow, ready to defend his territory.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping closest to the door! And you’re not even lined up properly!” Zenitsu was starting to get cranky, tried from today’s training and the dreadful feeling of knowing he had to do it all over again. 

Tanjiro ignores the bickering, concerned about his missing sister. He hasn’t seen her since dinner and she was usually with them around this time. She wasn’t one to wander either. He gets up from the floor, neglecting his half folded bed to search for his younger sibling. 

“Nezuko!” He calls out to her, careful with how loud his voice was so he wouldn’t disturb the other Butterfly residents. Tanjiro stops momentarily, picking up a sweet and joyful scent. It made his entire being warm with happiness, a smile slowly stretching his lips. He even felt like laughing, but held back the idea when his eyes caught two familiar beings. 

There you were, in the middle of the courtyard with his sister, jumping and spinning wildly. The two of you were dancing in the rain, giggling at each other’s movements. Nezuko noted a huge puddle forming to her left and immediately bounced both her feet into the water, creating a small series of waves around her legs. 

She made a noise to catch your attention, grabbing your hand as she pointed to another puddle. She stops in front of it, never letting go of your hand while she looks at you then to the water then back at you. The hand holding yours begins to slightly swing as if readying the both of you to dive into the miniature pond. You nodded, agreeing with her proposal and counted to three so that you both leaped at the same time. 

Nezuko cheers happily against her bamboo muzzle, raising her arms in excitement as you laugh, also holding your arms up. Your arms were stretched out horizontally, spinning around a few times and stopping just before you felt dizzy. Nezuko continues to hop into every puddle she sees as you stand for a moment in the rain, tilting your head up and allowing the water to wash over you. 

————————————

“Where is everyone?” Zenitsu realized that he was left alone with Inosuke, wondering where their third member went. As he passed by a few rooms in search of Tanjiro, he didn’t see you or Nezuko either. The yellow and orange haired male can hear a sequence of loud thumps, his feet following the sound until he finally reaches its source. 

“Tanjiro?” He says quietly, catching his friend standing on the engawa and looking out to the open space. Zenitsu’s eyes quickly traced to what had him so entranced. He finds you standing there, head slightly tilted back as you continue to be doused with water. You gave off a relaxed aura as you breathed in and out deeply. And there was Nezuko in the back, busying herself with the multiple puddles littering the courtyard. Even Zenitsu’s heart did a small jump at the sight of the warm scene before him. 

“What are they doing? Are they training?” Inosuke’s rough voice makes Zenitsu jump in surprise.

“What? No! They’re just play-”

“I’m gonna fight them! Let’s fight!!” He roars loudly as he zips towards you and Nezuko, causing the both of you to yelp in surprise.

“I-inosuke! Stop! Be careful!” Tanjiro is finally released from his daze, stepping down from the porch to stop Inosuke from chasing after you and his sister.

“You dumbass! Why are you bothering my sweet Nezuko and __(y/n)?” Zenitsu joins the spinning circle. 

————————————

“Gah!” Tanjiro accidentally slips on the wet ground during the chase and you quickly rush to his aid. Tanjiro’s fall momentarily stops everyone from running while Zenitsu immediately appears next to Nezuko, checking to see if she was okay and of course, complimenting how cute she was. 

“Are you okay?” You hold out a hand for Tanjiro to use as a leverage off the floor. 

“Yeah, I am. Thanks. I managed to break my fall a bit so I didn’t land too hard on the ground.” He takes your hand, accepting your help as he is finally on his feet. 

“I’m sorry about us playing in the rain. I didn’t mean for us to be out too late. And I also didn’t mean for Nezuko to get so soaked.” You hoped he wasn’t too upset with you for allowing Nezuko to be out in this type of weather. You were outside first and all of sudden, Nezuko appeared and begged you to let her join you. How could you say no? 

“I-it’s okay! No worries at all! I’m just glad you guys are okay. It was really nice of you for letting my sister play with you. I could tell she was having a great time, so, thank you for making her happy." 

"It’s no problem at all. I love your little sister. She’s wonderful to be around with.” You look to where the others were, smiling as you see Nezuko returning to her original task with Inosuke competing with her on who can make the biggest splash and Zenitsu telling him to let Nezuko be. 

Tanjiro stays silent as his gaze is focused on you again. You note his lack of words and you turn your head to the burgundy haired slayer, tilting your head at his staring. His eyes take in your cute and confused form, your drenched hair adhering to your face closely.  Before you could question his silence, the rain came down harder. 

“Oh wow, I thought it would stop soon.” You say as you find Tanjiro’s hair now falling to the front, almost blocking his beautiful, deep magenta eyes. You raise your hand up to his face, using your fingers to comb his hair back and securing them behind his ears. You smile once you get a clear view of his eyes, the boy’s cheeks burning a bright red. 

“There, now I can see your pretty eyes better.” You tease as Tanjiro’s face glows brighter. 

————————————

Ba-dum. 

‘There it is again.’ Zenitsu turns his attention to the two of you. 

Ba-dum.

The rhythm starts to get faster again.

Boom. 

’Now he’s making a different sound.’

Boom.

'Why does it sound like it’s getting closer?' Zenitsu frowns at the change of tone, trying to decipher the sound.

Crraakk! 

“Kyyaahh!” Zenitsu screeches at the new sound, recognizing it as thunder. A flash follows the rumbling, Zenitsu immediately recalling the time he had a very close encounter with lightning. He clings onto Nezuko, big tears dripping down his face as he now begs for everyone to go inside. Nezuko blinks at her frightened friend, patting his head gently as she is reminded of when Ryouta used to cry during thunderstorms. 

“I’m not afraid of any storm! Come fight me, thunder!” Inosuke shouts to the sky. The loud clap forced you and Tanjiro to gather the rest of the group inside, finally getting yourselves settled for the night. As Tanjiro lays on his futon, staring up at the ceiling, he thinks back to where you were dancing in the rain. 

You looked so beautiful spinning around so carefree and happy. He remembers your fingers adjusting his hair to its usual style and how you light and gentle your touch was when he felt it graze against his cheek and ear. Your touch and gaze sent a chill up his spine while his heart began beating against his chest. He quickly changes his position, laying on his side as he tries to focus on sleeping.

————————————

A few weeks pass and it has been the same between you and Tanjiro. Him asking questions or simply sitting beside you either on the engawa or in the middle of the forest during breaktime from training. It was something he looked forward to everyday. When you went out on a mission, he became slightly distracted and a bit more mellow for those three days you were gone. However, when he learns of your return, his demeanor is suddenly lifted.

That is until he hears you’re admitted to the Butterfly Estate for a head injury.

“Tanjiro!” He turns around to the source of the voice, recognizing Murata as the one calling him. 

“Hey man! Good thing I caught you. I need you to give this to __(y/n), please. I’d give it myself, but I feel a bit guilty since I was on the mission with them. I got too distracted by the enemy and I wasn’t there when they needed me. But anyway, please tell __(y/n) that I’ll see them later. I have to give the report to Oyakata-sama.” Murata hands him a small bouquet of flowers, turning towards their master’s home. 

“Wait! But…is __(y/n) okay?” Tanjiro was worried about your current state.

“Yeah, they’re fine. When the medics came, they said it was a minor concussion, but they still needed to be admitted and monitored. Anyway, I really gotta go. Thanks again, Tanjiro!”

“Y-yeah. You’re welcome! Good luck!” He tells Murata as he stares down at the flowers. Tanjiro also starts to feel guilty for not presenting a gift and feels slightly inferior to Murata. He immediately shakes that thought out of his head, almost forgetting his secret mission. He wasn’t supposed to feel competitive towards his friend. He promised Murata to help his feelings reach you. 

————————————

“Tanjiro-kun!” You beamed at him, your heart happily leaping that he is your first guest and the sight of flowers in his hands. You tried to calm yourself, not wanting to look too gleeful at the assumption that the bouquet was for you. 

“__(y/n)! I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry to hear about your concussion. Is it painful?” Tanjiro continues to eye your bandage. 

“I had a massive headache earlier, but I got some medicine from Aoi-chan, so, it’s much better now." 

"That’s good.” He almost forgets that he is still holding the flowers. “These are for you." 

"Aw, Tanjiro, thank you! These are so nice.” You gladly accept them, inspecting and admiring the flowers’ beauty. 

“They’re actually from Murata-san. He was really worried about you and wanted you to have these. He wanted to give them to you right away, but he said he has to meet with Oyakata-sama." 

"O-oh! I see. I have to thank him later.” You were both surprised and disappointed that it didn’t come from Tanjiro, but you were still grateful for the small gesture. You just wished it was from the boy who you had a crush on. “Well, thank you for delivering them." 

Did Tanjiro only visit to give you the flowers as instructed? You thought he was here on his own and that he was truly concerned. Maybe he was, but it did seem as if he was here only for Murata.

"You’re welcome. So, what exactly happened on your mission?” He starts the conversation, but suddenly, you’re not in the mood for visitors at the moment. Yet part of you doesn’t want him to go away. 

Before you answer, it was as if someone else decided for you and a knock was heard following the sound of the door opening. It was Aoi with a small tray of tea, medication, and bandages. 

“Sorry, Tanjiro, but __(y/n) needs their treatment and rest. You can visit them later." 

"Oh, right. Sorry about that.” Tanjiro stands up, putting his chair aside as he smiles at you. “I’ll see you later? I hope you feel better soon." 

"Thanks, Tanjiro. See you later.” You wave a hand to him before he exits the room. 

That evening, Murata had visited you as promised, updating you on what had happened before you lost consciousness during the mission. He apologizes repeatedly, even getting on the floor to show how guilty he felt for not protecting you. You reassure him it was okay and that you were not mad at all.

Then the conversation turns into a very different subject. Murata begins to confess his feelings to you and how he had asked Tanjiro to help him scout information on you. Murata tells you everything, again feeling guilty for using Tanjiro as a middle person instead of him going directly to you. He was too shy and afraid of your reaction and thought that the plan in his mind would work out. 

However, cupid’s arrow decided to go a different route and Murata knew to not stand in its way. Another reason why he decided to bring this up now was due to his curiosity. Though he knew his chances of being with you was low, he knew he’d regret it if he never asked. 

Unfortunately for him, his assumptions were right. You couldn’t return his feelings, but he was happy you weren’t too upset at him for what he did. He also begged you to not be angry at Tanjiro, solely taking the blame on himself. You again reassured him that all was well and that you were not upset at anyone. Instead you apologized that you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings.

Once the awkward tension disappears, you’re glad that you still have a friend. You have a quick and light conversation with him and before he leaves for the night, you make sure to thank him for the flowers. Once you’re alone, you sigh loudly to yourself, slightly shocked at what you learned.

Tanjiro was only talking to you for Murata and not because he wanted to get to know you. You knew you couldn’t be angry at anyone, but you definitely felt different with Tanjiro. You’re so upset that your crush didn’t want to get close to you willingly. You sigh again, mentally yelling at yourself to not think so much about it and that it was to be expected that Tanjiro might not feel the same as you. But that thought definitely made small cracks in your heart. 

————————————

“What? You told __(y/n) everything?!” Tanjiro exclaims, surprised at Murata’s bold move. He was so frightened to even talk to you yet here he was telling Tanjiro that he finally confessed to you.

“Yeah, I did. I felt too guilty and it was definitely wrong of me to make you be the middleman. I should’ve had more courage in the beginning instead of involving you. So, I’m really sorry for the trouble." 

"It’s no trouble at all. I’m not upset. I’m just shocked you told them the truth. Were they mad?" 

"No, not one bit. __(y/n) actually apologized that they didn’t like me back, but I told them it was okay. We’re still friends, but I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t suck.”

“I’m really sorry about that, Murata-san.” Tanjiro places a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s fine. I mean, I had a feeling it wouldn’t work out, but hey, I think you have a good chance with them!" 

"Me? What makes you say that?” Tanjiro blushes at the mention of you and him potentially being lovers.

“Well, I’m gonna be honest with you, another reason why I decided to tell __(y/n) the truth was I started to notice something. The way you look at them and when you talk about them, your facial expression and tone become different. And different in a good way. You get super excited and happy, which isn’t a bad thing! But that means you totally have a thing for __(y/n), right? And I’m not gonna be mad or jealous at all. If anything, you guys have my blessing! I can see how much you really care for ___(y/n) and I don’t think I’m the right match for them.”

“Hold on, now I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to take them away from you. I hope I didn’t seem that way.” Tanjiro frowns, confused at Murata’s sudden disinterest in pursuing you. He really had every intention of helping his friend!

“God no! I know you’re not that type. I’m just saying, the way you look at __(y/n) and the way they look at you…there’s definitely something there and I’m not gonna get in between that." 

"Y-you really think so?" 

"It is so obvious, even the other three know it.” Murata was referring to Zenitsu, Inosuke, and Nezuko. They bid each other good night after a while, the Kamado boy smiling to himself as he felt relieved that he didn’t have to play matchmaker anymore. It also felt good to finally admit his feelings for you to himself. 

————————————

You were off of bedrest for a while, but decided to avoid the Kamaboko group for a bit. You were confused and conflicted after Murata’s confession and decided you wanted to either be by yourself or with a different group of friends such as Genya and Kanao. You were glad that this week you were paired with Genya for training, but trying to start conversations with him wasn’t the same. He either didn’t say much or he froze up.  

While you were on break from training, you decided to sit out on the engawa where you and Tanjiro usually sat at the Butterfly Mansion. You shook your head to clear your mind of the memory, focusing on meditating and total concentration breathing. You and Tanjiro were in different groups so you had assumed your breaks wouldn’t overlap. 

“___(y/n)!” Ah, what timing. Normally, you’d love to spend time with Tanjiro, but you were so disappointed that it hurt to think about him.

“Hey, Tanjiro.” You smile slightly as you stand to greet him.

“It’s been a while. How is your head?” 

“Much better. I’m all healed up and was cleared to practice my sword and techniques.” You tried to be polite, but deep down, you just wanted to leave.

“That’s good. I heard you’re in a different group this week. How has it been? Are they treating you well? We all miss you, you know. Me, Zenitsu, Inosuke, and Nezuko.” 

“Tanjiro…you know, you don’t have to keep hanging out with me.” You felt like you were going to explode if you didn’t get the burden off your chest.

“What do you mean?” Tanjiro frowned, shocked at your response. 

“Murata-kun told me everything. From how he likes me to how you tried to help him. I’m not mad, I’m just a bit surprised.“ You avoided looking at him, your eyes moving from the clouds, trees, and the ground. "So, you don’t have to force yourself to spend time with me anymore. I know you have a busy schedule so I wouldn’t want to take that away from you. We can still hang out, like all four of us when we have a bit of extra time, but you know. . .you don’t have to go out of your way to get to know me anymore either. I wouldn’t want you to do anything you didn’t want to." 

Why did it hurt so much telling him that? If he was only being around you for the sake of his friend, that wouldn’t be fair to him. You didn’t want to be selfish, but not seeing him as often as usual was going to be a bit. . .lonely. 

"But __(y/n), it’s reall-" 

"Tanjiro, really, it’s fine. Like I said, I’m not mad or upset. But anyway, I actually have to go. . .so. . .see you around.” You bowed your head slightly at the male before walking towards the exit, telling your heart to be strong and to not let your emotions on display. You didn’t want Tanjiro to feel like he had to comfort you. You were done getting your hopes up. 

“Wait!” Tanjiro was too slow to respond, too stunned and panicked to get his thoughts organized. You were already gone, but Tanjiro caught a scent of sadness from you before you left. He could feel his heart unhappily thump against his ribcage, causing a small pain as his eyes watered more than usual. 

————————————

The rest of the day and the next week was difficult for both of you. You were used to the routine of spending a few minutes of alone time, but now, your alone time was spent, well, alone. You tried to nap during down time, but it was hard without thinking about Tanjiro. 

The checkered haori slayer was the same, thinking about you and wondering how you were and if the both of you were going to have normal conversations again. He sighed, trying to speak with you, but was always interrupted either by you saying you had something to attend to or busy with missions and training. While Tanjiro thinks of a way to communicate with you, his thoughts are now directed towards his crow flying above him. 

“Caw! Caw! Kamado, Tanjiro! Here are your orders. Head to the Takayama village and hunt the two demons terrorizing the village. The two demons have raided the neighboring towns and continue to spread their chaos. You will be with a team of four, who you are to meet at the front gate now. Prepare yourself well! Caw!” The black bird flies away and Tanjiro gathers his belongings and Nezuko before heading to the meeting place. 

He sees you standing by the gate, bidding your ___(bird) farewell as it flies away. Once his footsteps catch your attention, you turn to greet the person. You freeze slightly, recognizing Tanjiro and you couldn’t believe your luck. Your heart was pounding and you were slightly nervous, remembering how awkward it was between the two of you.

“Hey, Tanjiro.” You politely greet him, giving him a small wave.

“Hey, __(y/n).” He replies back, stopping a good distance from you. His heart was also racing, feeling the tension swirling around you and him. But this was his chance! The rest of the group wasn’t here yet.

“__(y/n), I really need to talk to you. I know that we haven-" 

"Alright!! Let’s go kill some demons!" 

"Why do you look so happy?! Don’t you know we’re gonna die?” Zenitsu begrudgingly walks to the front gate with Inosuke in front of him. 

“Hah! As if! I’m gonna kill them first!” Inosuke replies back. 

“Oh, Inosuke-kun, Zenitsu-kun! It’s been a while since we’ve been on a mission together.” You mentally let out a sigh of relief, happy that you didn’t have to engage in an awkward conversation. Tanjiro frowns at the interruption, his heart growing a bit heavier as he can feel any hope of you two patching things up slowly disappearing.

The five of you head towards your destination, reaching near the village by nightfall. Most of the people in the town were hiding in their homes, not a single soul was out in the streets. They have heard rumors about their surrounding towns being attacked by demons and became frightened of becoming victims. 

“We should split up. If there are two demons, we can find them faster if we’re separated.” Tanjiro suggests.

“I can look for them by myself!” Inosuke unsheathes his swords. 

“No, you won’t. Don’t underestimate them, Inosuke. Your safety comes first, not competing on who can kill who faster.” Tanjiro advises as the boar man stares at him with a giddy expression. “Anyway, I’ll go with Inosuke. Zenitsu, you go with __(y/n)." 

You were a bit surprised he didn’t try to pair himself with you, but you figured now wasn’t the time to ponder too deeply into it. The four of you head into the woods, splitting into different directions with your partners. 

————————————

Zenitsu screams loudly as a figure shoots out from above, attempting to pounce on you both. 

"Perfect! I’ll be ahead of the game once I eat you two.” He shouts, opening his mouth wide to dip his fangs into your flesh. Zenitsu runs behind a tree, trembling in fear while you go to swipe at the demon’s face. He immediately dodges your swing, but quickly attacks again. 

You learn that the demon was competing with the second one and they were playing a sick game on who could consume the most by the end of the night. Because of how much he’s been eating consistently almost every night, his strength was difficult to handle. 

Zenitsu watches in horror as the demon slashes at your back and arm, soaking your uniform with blood. After exchanging a few blows, you and the enemy are pushed back onto the ground, just a few feet apart. Your partner whimpers loudly when the monster crawls to you and grabs your ankle tightly, his sharp nails puncturing through your skin and muscle. He roughly lifts you up, spinning you a few times before throwing you against the tree the thunder user was hiding behind. 

“You’re next.” He laughs, slowly walking towards Zenitsu and you as you momentarily lose consciousness. 

“__(y/n)!” Zenitsu is by your side, panicking at the damage you received. He scolds himself for not participating in the fight and thinks how lucky he was to have a friend like you to tolerate his cowardly behavior. He also thinks of Tanjiro, knowing he would be so disappointed and angry to allow you to get hurt. 

“Run, Zenitsu. . .” You knew how hard this was for him. “I got thi. . .I’ll catch up, I promise.” You struggled to get up, but your injured ankle sends a sharp pain up your leg and through your spine, causing you to momentarily be paralyzed. You calmed yourself, readjusting to the pain. You look at Zenitsu, telling him again to hurry and leave.

“I. . .I won’t!” He refuses as he unsheathes his sword, blocking the demon’s attack. You argue back that you could handle the demon by yourself and you’ll find him once you are finished. 

“Zenitsu, listen to me! I told you I got-”

“No, __(y/n)! I can’t just leave you! I won’t let the person who Tanjiro loves die! He’ll be heartbroken if you’re gone. I don’t want him or any of us to go through that!”

“T-t-tanjiro. . .loves me?” You stare at him with wide eyes, shocked and in disbelief at the indirect confession. "Wait. . .what? Why? And how? How do you know he loves me? Did he tell you?“ 

"He didn’t have to tell me! I could tell by his sound. . .there’s this noise his heart makes and it’s been there for a while and it gets stronger everyday!" Zenitsu explains quickly as he runs away from the demon’s attacks. 

"Are you sure? Like are you really sure?” Your heart was pounding quickly but it wasn’t from the battle. 

“Yes! Of course! He’s been falling for you since the beginning but he was holding himself back to give you away to Murata because Tanjiro knew that Murata had feelings for you!" 

"Really? Does Tanjiro still have the noise? Do I have the noise? Does Inosuke and Nezuko know about this, too?”

“Should we really be talking about this right now!?” He screeches, becoming distracted by your torrent of questions as he almost misses blocking a set of sharp claws. You apologize quickly, forcing yourself to stand up and refocus on your mission. 

However, as soon as you stood up, Zenitsu was thrown to you, knocking you to the floor once again. The demon charges to your direction, licking his lips in anticipation. Before you could switch spots with your partner to take the blow for him, a third person emerges from the trees. 

“Found you!” Inosuke yells, but his twin swords miss your assailant. “Huh? You’re not the demon we were just fighting.”

“__(y/n)! Zenitsu!” You turn your head to Tanjiro’s voice and frown at the injuries on his person. Taking a deep breath, you concentrated your energy and mentality on the battle. You thought of multiple moves and plans to secure victory, sharing your ideas with the others. The second demon that Inosuke and Tanjiro were targeting found them, but instead of teaming up with his competition, their greed cost them. 

They argued constantly on who was going to eat who, which you and the others took advantage of whenever their attention was elsewhere. It definitely was not easy defeating the two, but it made things easier with your team. It took hours to defeat them which left you all panting on the floor from exhaustion, but you were grateful for another successful mission. 

————————————

You were the first to recover during your three day stay at the Butterfly Estate. Thankfully, your injuries were only mild, but the other three were recovering a bit slower than you. You were okay to return for training and missions tomorrow so you were planning on making the best out of the rest of your day.

“May I sit here?” You look to your left to see Tanjiro standing a few feet away from you.

“Oh! Hey Tanjiro, did Shinobu-san medically clear you also?” You gently pat the empty seat beside you, indicating for him to take the spot beside you.

“Yeah, just a few minutes ago.” He answers as he situates himself on the engawa. 

“That’s good. Now we wait for Inosuke and Zenitsu." 

"Yeah.” Tanjiro says softly, looking at the ground in front of him. He doesn’t wait too long to give you the opportunity to leave like before, needing to release the heaviness on his chest.

“I-I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” The burgundy haired slayer shouts suddenly, almost scaring you from the sudden burst of noise. “I know you’re upset with me because of what happened with Murata. I’m sure you must have felt angry and sad and you kept that to yourself all this time just to spare my and Murata’s feelings. You went through a lot because of my carelessness. I shouldn’t have agreed to help Murata-san had I known I was going to fall for you, too. But __(y/n), you’re wonderful. You’re kind, sweet, selfless, strong, funny, beautiful, and you make me feel so. . .so happy. So please, please know that I don’t regret or feel that the time I spent with you was a waste. I loved every second of it. It was the best part of my day and I always looked forward to it. I’m really sorry, __(y/n). I know I don’t expect you to forgive me right away or not be upset, but I miss you so much. I miss your company. I miss laughing with you. I miss sharing memories and secrets with each other. I just miss us being okay." 

You gently lift his shoulders from the ground after watching him bow lowly to you. 

"Tanjiro, of course I forgive you. I was never going to stop talking to you. I just wanted some time for myself. I know I might have seemed upset at you, but I was more upset about the situation." Your chest has a tiny knot from hearing him express how he felt. "I can’t be mad at you if you didn’t have feelings for me and wanted to help Murata. I was just confused and felt extremely dumb because I liked you, but when he told me everything, well I definitely felt embarrassed and disappointed.”

“I’m really, really sorry, __(y/n).” His heart would have done a happy leap when you mentioned your feelings for him. Instead, he was thinking of all the 'what ifs’ scenarios. Would things be different if he admitted his feelings earlier?

“Do you regret. . .falling for me?” You ask quietly, afraid of his answer, but curiosity would not let you hold back. 

“No, not at all! Never! I’m glad that my heart chose you. I just wish the situation could have been different. But like I said, I truly enjoyed getting to know you.”

“I enjoyed your company and your 21 questions.” You chuckle slightly. “Do you still have feelings for me?" 

"Y-yes, I do. They haven’t gone away.” Tanjiro looks down shyly, but his head shoots up quickly when he feels a pair of soft lips make quick contact with his own. 

“Me, too.” You send a small smile, scooting a bit closer to him. Although the kiss was short, he was left speechless, almost as if he was questioning if it truly happened. You start to get a bit nervous at his silence, looking at Tanjiro meekly. He responds back with a swift peck on your lips as well, both of your faces now painted with red. 

When you both finally have the courage to face each other, you share a laugh as you feel confident enough to snuggle into his side. You rest your head on his shoulder, snaking your arms around his. He, too, is feeling bold as the arm that was being held takes your hand and holds it firmly. You and Tanjiro say nothing, letting your hearts do the talking with the sound of their beating. 

[the-nysh]

what do you think about the saitma vs orochi redraw compare to the original a what makes you think now (the translation is out)

Ah! :O So Murata finished, let's see~

Oho, we get an Olympic themed cover featuring Mizuki's gold metal spirit! That's both relevant to current events and well deserved for her character so I like it! :'3

Rover wakes up with a new half-lidded groggy panel (which is kinda cute) and similarly runs away, but from a differently drawn angle from before.

And...oh! Orochi's motivation upon meeting Saitama this time is considerably different. :O Instead of acknowledging him as the perfect match and/or worthy opponent (ie same old repeat stuff we've seen before), now he senses Saitama is the perfect sacrifice for his own ascension/rebirth into a higher, god-like being. (So basically we're dropping all the cliche power speeches that bored Saitama before, in favor of more...'god' lore. 👀) And he...removes his mask (face plate)?? That's new! Not that there's anything really recognizable underneath beyond a formless knot of dark snake-like tendrils (hmm but the 'brows' kinda resemble the uroboros Psykos wears...) and ah! He brings Saitama down with him to the ancient mural altar!! 👀 So yes, we are getting more insight on what that thing represents!

Here we see the new double spread, where Orochi looks conveniently just like the creature on the wall (which the narration deliberately lampshades) also what the heck, Orochi even mentions his parents D: but also...so there is molten lava down here now. 👀 (My mind - simultaneously seeing what might connect, either thematically or aesthetically, to Garou’s appearance later.)

We're also led to speculate what purpose Psykos may have created him for, thru all these countless experiments and sacrifices. 👀 Orochi, happening to find this mural by chance, as he buried deeper into the earth in search of more energy, can (somehow?!) read it and assumes the destined message is all about him.

So interestingly, we see how he was not just a blind puppet or pet for Psykos, but chose to obey her while biding his time, growing in power to follow thru with this will on his own. 👀 Hrmm~ this makes sense, and gives him more of a concrete goal (with his own choice in the matter) to eventually work towards completion one day.

Which now, err....SAITAMA!?! D8

Oh my god, he’s...ahaha meanwhile thru all this exposition, he’d stripped himself to literally bathe in lava. I just...I can’t- well, I certainly did not expect this, but it’s also so idiotically him - nothing can faze him, so dipping in molten lava!? x’D What he hell, why not; it’s no prob~ Even Orochi’s like wtf.

Alright, alright, so Orochi’s getting on with it, pulling up some literal earthen core energy + volcanic shenanigans (again, I’m thinking gee~ what visual things could Garou possibly do in comparison, with even these earth cut-aways and all, so keep everything we see here in mind for later~)

And I’m so....................lmao, of course. :’D

Utterly unsurprised at classic Saitama. (Oh but hey, he’s jumping around all n4ked much like in that one Saitama vs god fancomic~)

He retrieves his neatly folded clothes on the rock banks (I was wondering what happened to them), scolds Orochi for ‘misbehaving’ in the tub :P and...leaves him with a goodbye ‘thanks’ for the refreshing bath without even killing him. :O Gee, I wonder what leaving things unfinished will cause~

As Orochi scrambles up the crumbling altar in desperation, which falls apart to reveal the full picture showing OOooooOOOOhhhh 👀👀

I see now, cause doesn’t THAT look suspiciously familiar. 👀 More hints leading towards the advent of ‘him’ look like they’re falling into place. There’s also kind of a hubris lesson here, where Orochi assumed he was the ‘god’ spoken of in the mural, but he was really....just another sacrifice. (Ohh, fate’s cruel twist~) Then that means....!!! That Psykos probably created him for this purpose after all :O (Did she, or did she not know? She had the ‘third eye’ power of foresight after all...) To produce a strongest being (as a perfect sacrifice?!) to summon the power of ‘god’?? D: Oh boy...then this would explain his (and Blast’s) upcoming appearances, as Orochi’s not dead yet (but he will be, offered on this very altar...) And, I’m unsure what other ripple effect of redraws this update will cause, but I’ll say I’m so ready to see Garou’s now appropriately named God-Slayer Fist get some practical use in his upcoming debut. 😤

[runolllo-fanboygirl]

is mizuki still a queen when murata sexualises her to the bone?

Short answer: Yes, Mizuki is still a Queen in those cases. I will continue to tag her as #Queen, consider her an icon, and continue to like her even if I hate the couple of so called “sexualized Mizuki to the bone” drawings Murata made of her (which I never posted here in the first place). A couple of sexy pics don’t erase what a legitimately great character she is. It’s kind of rude to come rain on my parade with whatever point you wanted to make when I was so excited to see her again in today’s chapter and being completely innocent about it.

Long answer: (someone help me write a tl;dr please OTL) 

I’m too tired, the whole “bla bla sexualization” thing is very complex, I don’t have the time or energy to answer properly... and I don’t like trap questions like this because there is no right answer and I feel put on the spot. Maybe that wasn’t your intention, so I’ll answer in good faith. 

In the context of official OPM things, it’s my opinion that a few instances of her being sexualized don’t change the fact that she’s still very amazing, fun, hilarious, corageous and powerful. You’re allowed to dislike her, but it’s not fair to invalidate the rest of her character and her fans because you didn’t like the author making certain decisions here and there. We fans have a right to like characters even if later the author does things with them that we don’t agree with. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but characters are just that, characters, and it’s up to the author’s intentions AND the point of view of the fans to give meaning to them.

We’re still allowed to love Mizuki and see her as an iconic character, in special fellow women, I feel. We’re starved for variety and representation and Mizuki is a super good hearted, strong gal. It’s not every day you get a 2m tall sportwoman character like her, in special in contrast to Gearsper who is instead a tiny guy with noodle arms. I’m very excited about all the different kinds of ladies that OPM has now, YES EVEN IF most of them have been put in a bikini at this point, which is kind of sad and ridiculous.

Now, of course, we’re not stupid. It’s not like you can’t tell when Murata is using literal p0rn as reference to draw, lmao. It’s not like we don’t know he’s h0rny as f*ck. Still, OPM is a seinen series and we should expect adult content. It’s also true that for being the kind of seinen it is (parodying shonen series and all) it’s quite the surprise that we get a fair amount of male eye candy as well, even though lately I don’t think it’s balanced with the ladies fanservice anymore (but it used to be).

Also, I’m a woman who likes other women, so what do you want me to tell you? I loved that cover of Mizuki taking her shirt of /// THIS ONE /// I’m a big fan of soft fanservice like that! Although, I personally prefer just a bit of eye candy occasionally... I DON’T want fanservice to be all over the place for no reason, in special of the ladies, because it just looks unprofessional and stupid when the point of this series is not to be some h0rny har3m anime. Sexy drawings can be very interesting and appealing from time to time but I don’t want Murata to use so much time on them instead of on other more interesting stuff, and it also creates bad vibes when a whole a s s chapter is about two guys bonding but the cover is another Fubuki with her Fub00bs out. Don’t think I don’t get disappointed (even angry) at this kind of bullshit. I do, friend. I would lie if I said I don’t love the Fub00bs... but we don’t need them all over the place all the time in special in chapters where she’s not even present otherwise.

On the same note, I actually hate the uncomfortably-close-to-p0rn kind of fanservice like that disgusting sequence where Mizuki squishes that watermelon head monster with her inner thighs (which, on the other hand, was HILARIOUS and empowering in its own way, except that I know Murata was not drawing those scenes with empowerment in mind, of course... but still, all the more power to fellow ladies who find that empowering, reclaim it from the h0rny boys!). But anyway, I can only consider Mizuki to have been “sexualized to the bone”, like you put it, that one time with the watermelon. Everything else has been very tame fanservice.

It really depends on what you think is “too much” for an adult series like this that doesn’t focus on romance or s3x. The only other instance in which I felt like it went too far, is when Psykos seemed to be starring some weird tentacle p0rn as Orochi tried to absorb her ;P and I personally dislike Monster Princess a lot because everything about her is just Murata being h0rny and there is literally nothing else about her character, her “personality” is being a representation of Murata’s kinks, but even then, many fans find her legitimately empowering too.

Lastly, I just want to quickly say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with sexy things in general, the problem is the context in which they are usually created and presented, and that’s when sexy goes into “sexualization turned objetification” territory, which is what can get really wrong. Otherwise, you can find someone sexy and still appreciate everything else about them, it’s just one more thing you like about them. 

Anyway, it’s all a lot more complex than this, but that’s my answer for today. Now, if I may ask: are Flash, Sonic and Garou, who are sexualized through the whole series A LOT, not amazing anymore just because we get a lot of blatant fanservice of them? Have you ever thought about them in the same terms you are asking me about Mizuki? 

[brabe]

WHAT IF... MURATA UGETSU HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

“Murata Ugetsu was by no means detached from life- nor was he free of worries and grief, he had feelings too- the same as anyone else... But, unlike ordinary people, his heart and his emotions were overflowing.

While I listened to Ugetsu’s music that day—to the sudden flood of music-feeling that was amplified so many times more than usual, I found myself wondering — how... just how was this child prodigy able to live...?

Be it joy, or sorrow, or suffering, Ugetsu lived with feelings which were much more complex, and exponentially larger than those of ordinary people- just accumulating it all within himself.” (Chapter 17)

Murata Ugetsu’s introduction struck a chord with me right away because I recognized the feelings described all too well. So, I asked myself, what if?

 After finishing the anime, I read all the chapters of the manga mainly because I wanted to know more about this intriguing character, and I only kept finding clues that reinforced my initial assumption.

 I am hyperfixated on mental health issues, in part wanting to find characters to relate to, so here is my reading of Murata Ugetsu. I wonder if anyone came to the same conclusion as me.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behaviour. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships with other people. A person with borderline personality disorder may experience episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from a few hours to days. In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how they think, perceive, feel or relate to others.

“People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” (Marsha Linehan, Professof of Psicology, who has BPD herself and developed the most effective therapy to date for this disorder).

There are many categories of symptoms for this disorder and I reckon Ugetsu manifests the following:

A pattern of unstable relationships swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation):

The most glaringly obvious one is, of course, the relationship with Akihiko. 

“Right after Ugetsu has been away from home for some time, there is a honeymoon phase which lasts a few days. It’s as if we have returned to the past... And then out of the blue, it happens—as if he’s saying, yes, this is a great chance—let's take this opportunity, quit being together and break for real this time. Like he is in a rush... Like I am not needed. Like—he is forcibly shutting me out from his world.” (Chapter 19)

“Him and I... We have been causing each other nothing but despair for almost two years now.” (Chapter 17)  

It’s also notable the lack of other relationships. When Mafuyu asks him, why Ugetsu was confiding in him, even though they were virtually strangers, Ugetsu replies: “Because I don’t have any friends! Perhaps, I really just wanted someone to understand... Just a little bit is enough.” (Chapter 17)

He is actually really kind towards Mafuyu, opening his home to him, freely helping him with music anytime Mafuyu wants even though he is a world-renowned musician and even letting him practice at his house while he is not there. We know he does that because he recognizes the genius in Mafuyu, but still, I think he actually would like to have friends; he probably just doesn’t know how to. We know that Akihiko was his first friend and evidently years later still the only one close to him.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, often followed by guilt and shame:

Ugetsu gets suddenly physically violent with Akihiko two times (and a third one is implied when Haruki first saw Akihiko and he had a bruised cheekbone). He throws a glass on the floor when Mafuyu visits him because Akihiko still hasn’t come back home. He seemingly inexplicably smashes the mug Akihiko gifted him: “Around the time we had just started to live together, when he brought me my first present, somehow... I hated that very much, and I refused it saying—’I don’t want it!’ Even though it was only a mug. Back then, I should’ve just said—’I’m happy. I want to be with him.’” (Chapter 17)

I believe the last one was a dissociative episode, another symptom of BPD, a trance-like state in which one is disconnected from their own mind, body and surroundings. Then the switch turns back on and Ugetsu suddenly starts crying, crouching on the floor, staring blankly at the broken pieces and picking them up, asking himself why, just why did I do this?

The guilt and shame aspect is also shown, when after having recounted his history with Akihiko to Mafuyu, Ugetsu leans his head on the steering wheel of his car remembering everything, clearly in grief, and thinking to himself: “Really... He is a good guy, isn’t he.” (Chapter 17). Here I want to indeed praise Akihiko and underline how well he dealt with Ugetsu’s dissociative episode. He didn’t freak out and lash out at Ugetsu, calling him crazy, but instead he tried to diffuse the situation, laughing and helping Ugetsu to pick up the pieces of the broken mug. As if to say, ‘it’s okay.’

Desperate efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:  

One way of doing this is leaving the other person before they leave you, which is exactly what Ugetsu does or tries to do. He is terrified that Akihiko will leave him definitely one day, but at the same time he actively tries to make him leave: “I’m the lowest son of a bitch towards Akihiko and I guess he resents me, y’know... But I love him to death.” (Chapter 17)

“I’ve been pushing him away but he hasn’t given up on me at all. I’ve been trying to leave him every chance I get. But it seems like I’m still not good at doing that, so... I’ve always been waiting for him to let go of me.” (Chapter 17)

“What if he never came back, just like that? I’ve thought about it countless times. Yet, I’m still not able to imagine it. Tomorrow, he might come back all of a sudden? Or maybe he won’t? But, just the same, I want this suffering to end. But on second thought, I don’t really want that. All the stuff that’s in this room right now, the thought that everything might disappear... Will nothing... Not one thing remain?” (Chapter 27)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self:  

It’s fair to say the core obstacle in his relationship with Akihiko. Ugetsu’s whole existence is ingrained irrevocably in music. It is what gives his life purpose and the outlet with which he deals with his too intense emotions. Which leads me to wonder what would happen if for some reason he lost music. And I am not positive he would survive that.

“After we graduated from high school—at the time, when I was actively performing as a musician... one day all of a sudden I realized, the existence of the other—was the one thing we both chased after the most in this world. As long as Akihiko is with me, I’ll be unable to become free with my music.” (Chapter 17)

Ugetsu felt as if he was losing himself and his music in his love for Akihiko, which brings to the unstable sense of self. This terrified him. Love is messy for everyone and anyone but with BPD emotions are plugged into an amplifier and dialled up to the maximum (“But for my heart to be touched like that”). He can’t deal with all of this and the fight-or-flight response is triggered and “Let’s end this already.” (Chapter 17)

Black-or-white thinking:  

People with BPD often struggle to see the complexity in people and situations and are unable to recognize that things are often not either perfect or horrible, but are something in between. This can lead to "splitting," which refers to an inability to maintain a cohesive set of beliefs about oneself and others. Ugetsu seems to be obsessed with perfection and probably to be a world-renowned violinist you need to be to a certain degree. But for example, when asked by Akihiko to come to the band’s first live, he replies with: “Is it at a level that you can show me? Ah... it’s not at a level where you can reply to me right away... then, I won’t come. There’s no point watching a performance if the performer doesn’t have the confidence to do it well.” (Chapter 8)

Ugetsu doesn’t exist in the in-betweens. There is pefection or worthlessness, love or hate, music or Akihiko.

Depression:

Ugetsu manifests many symptoms of depression.

He is either practicing the violin or sleeping. 

He seems to undereat. Almost in every panel in which they are at home, Akihiko worries about whether Ugetsu has eaten or not, and always offers to cook for him, implying that Ugetsu wouldn’t bother if left to his own devices.  

He is untidy and careless to some degree. At the violin concerto where Ugetsu is the soloist, Akihiko exclaims: “Again? That idiot... His hair is a mess.” (Chapter 15) implying that it isn’t the first time that Ugetsu appears somewhat shabby at a formal event, in which furthermore he is the star. This fact in particular surprised me because I had the impression that Ugetsu was vain.

This neglectfulness also reflects in his living space. Once Akihiko leaves, the house is in complete disarray. When Akihiko comes back to say he will move out, the debris of the glass Ugetsu smashed when Mafuyu visited are still there.

Last but not least, Ugetsu lives in a soundproofed basement in semidarkness, a fortress of solitude of sorts from the outside world.

Suicidal thoughts or threats:  

“Well, when I was a kid, I used to go to some unknown old man’s plantation on my own, and I enjoyed killing bugs by squishing them with my right hand, y’know... Then, on one clear sunny day, I happened to listen to some music playing on that old man’s radio. It was ‘In the flow of time’ by Paul Simon... Yet even though I was only a kid, I thought, wow... I want to die... It’s a good day, isn’t it? Well, there were other things too, but somehow, I wonder If I’ve basically been chasing that feeling of dying from back then...” (Chapter 21.5)

Well, this passage speaks for itself. In some capacity Ugetsu has been pondering on death, has been chasing it, since he was a small child. I think this can be linked to the BPD symptom of chronic feelings of emptiness.

Impulsive, self-destructive and sensation-seeking behaviours:  

In this category I think we can include the sleeping around in which Ugetsu engages. While not a harmful behaviour in itself, I think the motive is. Ugetsu has been systematically sleeping around for two years not because he actually wants to and it makes him feel good, but he does it to spite Akihiko and as a coping mechanism to try and get over him. This wouldn’t do good to anyone’s mental health and self-worth.

“Ugetsu and I fought all the time, even after we broke up. That... was because of his timing when it came to finding a new man... It was as though he was doing to spite me.” (Chapter 19)

Intense and highly changeable moods:

Simply, all of the above.

This is all for now. I will edit this list if future chapters will shed more light on the mind and heart of this character that I have come to care so deeply about.

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 12/9/21 stream translation Part 12

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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(t/n: ** means translation may not be accurate.)

C: From your perspective, are editors someone who nurture (mangakas)? Are they gonna continue to be a presence who shape a part of you?

I: Nurturing? I don’t even aware of it at all. I think that applies to each other. I think both shape a part of each other as the relationship deepens. The editor gives feedback and the writer fixes the story based on the feedback. That’s how a work is created. I think both are shaping a part of one another. The writer and the editor becomes that kind of existence to each other and that’s how they both grow and change on their own accord. I don’t think they help writers grow though. To me, helping a human to grow is presumptuous/stupid.

(t/n: The word ‘okagamashii’ means both presumptuous and stupid. I’m not sure which one of them was he referring to in this context. You can interpret it as you like.)

I: Is the next Choujin X gonna be release soon?

I: Yeah. I forgot how to draw it in the middle of drawing the draft, so it took me some time.

*Ishida mentioned that he’s finding time to do both choujin x and animal rap, as well as drawing JJ’s illustrations.

C: I’m happy there’s a lot of streaming videos lately.

I: There’s not a lot lately, since I went away for a while. Maybe the duration was actually shorter than I thought it was.

C: Let’s stream until noon.

I: Well…it depends on the situation. I do think of that. I can’t help but do my work during streaming. Just like what I’m doing currently. If I play games, I’ll just play and then when it’s over, I can just end the stream. But when I’m doing my work, I don’t know when I should end it. I’ve no choice but to finish my work. In other words, I’ll be streaming until I’m done with my manuscript. For me, doing that is good because my work can progress. It’s like I’m being monitored. For a period of time, OPM’s artist, Murata sensei did that before but he quit for few reasons. I think it’s good to feel like you’re being monitored. Hamada Yoshikasu sensei did that as well. He pretty much streamed him working everyday. I’m not sure whether he’s still doing it.

C: Do stream every night.

I: That’s a bit…This is also difficult for me to do. I like making plans on what I should do. For example, “what I should do for this and that day?” or “what if I do this with this pace?”, but to actually follow the plan is hard. You’d feel lazy on the very day you had a plan. People who thoroughly follow their plans are admirable, aren’t they? It’s not like I have the need to follow it. But then, I wish to be able to do that.

C: If you get bored drawing the background, I want you to stream while you’re working on it even if it’s on irregular basis.

I: For the background, I must finish doing them all at once, if not it’ll take a few days. There’s a limit to what kind of work I can stream. I don’t want really wanna show me working on the latest chapter. It’s the latest chapter, after all. I’ll show the chapter after I’ve drawn it properly. This one is basically me fixing the chapter 2, so it’s fine.

C: It’ll be nice if there’s a notice before the stream on the day itself.

I: I see. It’ll be easier to watch if there’s a notice. You can arrange your time. But then, it depends on my mood. I‘d feel sorry if I suddenly don’t wanna stream, but you guys are already excitedly waiting for it. So, I’ll just do it randomly.

C: I can prepare some sweets if there’s a notice beforehand.

I: Well…Maybe I’ll at least give notice on that very day. If I really wanna stream, then I might let you guys know beforehand.

I: The 30,000 commemoration. I might not do anything for it. But I’ll keep that as a memory. Even someone like me can have that amount of subscribers with this kind of content. I’m thankful for that.

C: I turn on my notification, so it doesn’t matter if you tell us beforehand or not.

I: Oh, really? Then, I’ll do it as I like. It’s better If there’s a notice. Well, I’ll do it if I feel like it.

C: This is random, but I only turned on your tweet notification.  

I: Sometimes, I forgot to update on my twitter though. I update it when I’m streaming.

C: 30,000 subscribers is amazing! It’s more than the number of people in my home town.

I: That’s true. If you think about it that way, then 30,000 is amazing.

*Someone wanted Ishida to stream the drawing of the Choujin X’s volume’s cover, but he said it’ll be hard to do that.

C: For me, I like for the cover to be a surprise.

I: Hm…I probably think so too.

I: For me, regarding choujin x, I want everything about it, such as the drafts, to be a secret. If I got to do another manga, then I might…ah, but that probably wouldn’t be possible due to my personality. I do kinda want to be monitored when I’m drawing difficult stuffs. It seems to be efficient for me that way. It could make me feel motivated if you guys watching me draw them.

*The adult comment came back.

I: Can I do something about it? It’s probably just random comments. Report or timeout? What’s timeout for? Should I try time it out this time? Did it time out?

*The comment finally gone. It’s troublesome though. I have to do something about the comment every single time. I should leave it to the dark moderator.

I: It did!

*Ishida mentioned that he’d timeout this one fan if they commented something unpleasant.

C: That could be a reward itself.

I: What? Me banning that person? That’s already a stalker attitude. You mean it’s because I noticed them, right? There must be such people. But what a pitiful person if that’s the only way for them to be noticed by others. Doing what the other party dislikes, then seeing their unpleasant reaction. Being happy just by the fact that the other party reacted to them is already a lost cause. Don’t wanna be that kind of person, right?

C: It’s amazing how you can have a phone call with someone everyday.

I: It depends on the occasion. Like when you really feel the need to talk or when you’re having a tough time. I too had times when I randomly just called someone because I couldn’t concentrate working. When I thought it’d be good for me to work while conversing, then I’d call someone. But the other person also has their own life, if this happens continuously, even if they say okay, they must be actually enduring it. I mostly speak to my work-related friend.

C: Being a mangaka is a lonely job, isn’t it?

I: Yeah, you’re right. This is also another difficult issue. It might get harder to confront my work if I spend more time with others. So, especially, recently, I tried to get myself more motivated. I’ve isolated myself around until the end of summer, but as I thought, working with people is easier for me, mentally speaking. I have somebody to listen to me and I feel less pressured, that is, they give me some kind of advice and I can apply them.

C: Do you consult with the editor in charge when you’re at loss?

I: I think I do. I did consult with Mr. Matsuo at the beginning. But then, I think it’s important to resolve your problems on your own. I do think I have a lot of people I can consult with, and that’s totally fine, but I don’t want to do that. I want to find the answers that I’m completely satisfied with by myself. So, I hold myself back from seeking others’ advice. I did ask Ms. Towada about stuffs on JJ when I had some questions since she gave good answers.

I: Well, I wanna work on this manga randomly. And by ‘random’, I don’t mean sloppily. I wanna work on this manga in a way that’s appropriate for both the work and I. So, I thought it’d be better for me to seek less advice or opinions from others. I’ll do differently if this way isn’t working.

C: You’re a wise person.

I: Obviously. Hahaha. Of course. It’s because I keep thinking about things like this. I hope you find my words useful.

*He then mentioned that he preferred the way of doing things randomly, but it might not be suitable for certain people. However, it’s okay to seek advice.

*Ishida recalling the conversation he had with Ms. Towada regarding Hoshi Sandek.

I: “Hoshi and Arima look similar, right?”.

T: “Have you seen how Arima Kishou looks like?”.

I: “Yes, I have… They look similar, right?”

T: “You mean their characters’ overlapped?”

I: “Not that.”

T: “Hmm….”

I: Hahaha. What do you guys think? Do Sandek and Arima look similar?

C: Are you a TG bandwagon fan?

I: Hahaha. I might’ve never read it properly. But I legit did read TG recently. I’m not kidding. I took a look at it again. I’m thinking of accepting TG. It’s not that I don’t. I wanna accept it more. All said and done, I’m really glad I wrote TG. It’s good that I have something to leave behind. It’s definitely a good thing.

C: Have you ever played Red Dead Redemption 2? (comment in eng.)

I: Like I said, short time. Short time? Little time. (Speaking in eng) I wanna play it though. I wanna play more, but I’ve no time. Too busy.

C: I think Hoshi is actually what Sui looks like. (comment in eng.)

I: She’s saying Hoshi looks similar to me. Are you kidding me?

*Ishida looking for another page to draw.

I: Please take a look at this version of the chapter in the magazine. This will be in the comic as well, probably. They’re both the same.

C: Sensei, are you gonna sleep after this?

I: Nope. I’ll probably check whether Hitman’s already downloaded after I end the stream. After that, I’ll eat and then finish up my upcoming work. I need to add colour for the pages. And I kinda wanna draw an illustration. Have you guys seen Itaewon Class on Netflix? It’s from a Korean webtoon. It’s been made into a drama and I was super addicted to it.

C: Park Saeroyi? (The name of the drama’s mc)

I: Yes. That one. He’s really cool. That hairstyle. I wanna draw Park Saeroyi, if can. There’s this sassy kinda girl in the story, right? That girl is a total beauty. Yi Seo. (t/n: Yi Seo is the FL’s name.)

I: I wanna draw real humans. I’ve been drawing them lately, not that it’s a problem, since I’ve been drawing manga only.

C: She is pretty!!

I: I know right. She’s gorgeous.

I: I read a little bit of the original work, and it pretty much the same as the drama, so I thought the original work was amazing. But then, the Japanese version changed it into Roppongi Class. It’s a different vibe… Does it really matter if it’s in Itaewon? They changed it to suit Japanese readers. Was it the Line Manga or was it not? I don’t remember, but they did that. Just let it be in Itaewon or Korea. I was like “Don’t f*** with me!”.

C: Marunouchi Class.

I: Haha. I’m drawing that. Marunouchi Class. (t/n: Marunouchi is a commercial district in Tokyo.)

I: Itaewon is better. There’s no such place in Roppongi. I’m not familiar with Roppongi though. It may have places like this, but it’s better to showcase the vibes of Korea. Itaewon is a place packed with foreigner. It’s a miscellaneous street. It’s close to Roppongi now that I’ve put it that way. But still…Those who subscribe to Netflix, I recommend you to watch Itaewon Class. They only shot scenes that were important, so it’s really easy to follow the story. Such a beautiful drama. There were quite a lot of cliché moments, but there were also some unexpected twists in those moments, so it pulled you in. Korean entertainment is far ahead.

*The assistant guy finally went to sleep.

I: Oh, you’re gonna sleep now? You definitely can’t oversleep. Don’t mention my name as well. Haha. Do your best as an assistant. Okay, after he left, everyone takes a screenshot. I’m gonna send it to his boss.

C: Sensei, do you read the manga “This is Good”?

I: I don’t. Is it an ecchi manga? Is it the one in Tonari Young Jump? Is it the one with beautiful drawing probably? I wanna try reading it. I need to cultivate (?) and boost the popularity of Tonari Young Jump. I’d like to take on that mission.

I: Has Mr. assistant slept already?

C: I won’t sleep then.

I: It’s okay 2x. Please sleep. Don’t worry 2x. Nothing’s gonna happen. If you’re worried, you can watch it later.

I: I just thought of the number 1 prank he shouldn’t do. I wanted to ask him to draw shit on the manuscript. I wanted him to leave my mark on the background. But that’s definitely a no-no. It’ll be a problem. However, that kind of assistants do exist. Not a lot, but there are assistants that play around.

Part 13