#well alright that’s all I have 2 say
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mollotovm · 2 days ago
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i think i listened to beware by death grips around 86,000 times while drawing this. as lore inaccurate as it is because I’m ironically really new to true batman enjoyment, i just really liked batgirl #1. its a nice little comic. she’s very cute to me.
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vampiricsheep · 8 months ago
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Don't think I've seen this question make the rounds before, so:
Do any of your OCs hunt/fish/trap? Who taught them, and why do they do it? Do they have preferred gear or quarry?
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hauntingblue · 6 days ago
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
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MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
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#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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lusalemaart · 4 months ago
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Boy King AU | Vettonso + Martian | 1.3k
There's something about putting the future emperor of the Holy Realm on his knees like this. About how easily he goes, how willingly, how obediently. What would his adoring public think if they could see him now. If they saw their beloved king pressed down like this, in the cramped space between Fernando's legs. When they realized their little boy king took it like he was a little concubine instead. 
Fernando's bitterness is lifted away in moments like these, like taking off a heavy cloak on a winter's day. It was hard to feel humiliated about his own situation when watching Sebastian debase himself like this. 
He always gives himself up so easily. When Fernando threaded his fingers through his thick curls. When he pulled them, and then when he pressed his face down further down into the vee of his legs.  Sebastian rubbed his cheek into the coarse fabric of Fernando's breeches and blinked up at him. Fernando had to smother an embarrassing sound; he was just like a little cat!
Sebastian quirked his lips up into an odd little smile and slightly rose up on his knees, "What's funny?" Fernando swallowed lightly and schooled his face back into being impassive, "Nothing. As you were." Sebastian simply smirked at him and let himself be pushed back down by the fist clenched in his hair. 
Fernando scoffed internally, there was only so much pleasure in putting the other man in his place when he instead acted like this, this degrading action, was his birthright. He took to ruling and indulging in carnal pleasures as if they were of equal gravity. To be privileged to hold such high station and also let himself be taken apart like this…Fernando felt embarrassed for him.
He is dragged away from his musings when Sebastian moved to settle his hands in Fernando's lap, clutching his hips over the fabric and slightly squeezing; Fernando fought against the urge to shiver. Sebastian pushed up the skirt of Fernando's waistcoat and smoothed his hands over the opening flap of his breeches.
His eyes darted up at Fernando again, a daft smile on his face. Fernando scowled at him, "What?" Seb's grin sharpened, "You could stand to be a little more gracious. This is your future emperor, and future husband might I add, kneeling for you on this dirty, depraved, derelict- ah–" Fernando tugged on his hair again and hissed, "Well then, why don't you show me how eager you are to perform your marital duties?" 
Seb licked his lips, completely unconcerned by Fernando's annoyance, and unbuttoned one side of the closure to Fernando's breeches and moved to open the other–
The door to the carriage flew open, arrival announcement dying on a wheezing breath as the servant took in the image the two kings made. One splayed across the seat, exuding power, the other kneeled, debauched, between the former's legs. 
One would be hard pressed to determine which was higher on the totem of power and titles. 
There was something gratifying about this to Fernando, about being caught. He had been humiliated enough throughout the entire courtship, what was one more thing? And, certainly, what was one more thing if he could drag Sebastian down into the dirt with him. 
"Oh Mark, don't act so abashed! It's nothing you haven't seen before, in fact, we have been in this very position not even a fortnight ago!"
Oh. Yes. That. 
It was hard to be completely pleased when he remembered how Sebastian had already spent years prior to their engagement sampling the palace's ample selection of fellow high-born men. And how all those men seemed to be completely and utterly wrapped around his little finger.
Fernando released his hand from Sebastian's hair as if it had burned him. He did not understand why he felt ashamed with Mark looking in on them like this. Fernando was the one marrying Sebastian, not Mark; Mark was just a lowly courtier who had the esteemed duty of spending practically every waking hour with the brat…something he himself was decidedly not looking forward to. 
Sebastian stayed kneeling, staring impassively up at Mark, still fiddling with the clasp on Fernando's breeches. Fernando gritted his teeth and looked up from where he was watching Sebastian's clever little hands; Mark stared back at him placidly. 
Mark's indifference made the entire situation worse. Fernando now felt as if he was not doing anything unique, not doing anything particularly new. How many other men had Mark caught Seb with in this exact position? Fernando felt like he was just another plaything of the boy king, soon to be boy emperor, except his position was forever, permanent. He was the "Kept King", the king who only kept his throne due to the whims of a boy who doesn't even understand what power is.
Mark coughed, "Well," he says, "Your Majesty, I do believe you have a meeting to attend." Seb pouted at him and whined, "We were just getting to the main course," but still braced himself on Fernando's thighs and got up off the carriage floor. 
Seb pranced down the steps Mark had placed next to the carriage, miming tripping sown the stairs, snickering when his action made Mark reflexively reach out to grab him, and then playfully skipped off the final step. 
Fernando couldn't help but stare as Mark made the weirdest grimace in response, and he inexplicably felt all his mortification seep away from him. Huh. Maybe Mark is-
Seb then turned around and frowned at him, seemingly disappointed, but his eyes are deceivingly sharp, "Fernando, I regret to inform you that I have other duties I must attend to, you will simply have to wait." He then grinned up at Mark next to him and giggled as the other man stiffened when Sebastian looped both of his arms through Mark's. 
He leaned all his weight on the other man, Mark not so much as shifting his weight, "Oh Mark, won't you carry me back to the palace? I'm so very tired after all the horse riding," Seb looked up at him imploringly.
Fernando observed as Mark rolled his eyes and shrugged off the man, though notably not pulling his arm from Seb's grasp, and he got the distinct feeling that this exact scene had been played out countless times before. 
Fernando clenched his jaw as he watched Seb turn and saunter off, Mark trotting alongside him like a loyal dog. Fernando was supposed to be the unaffected one in this partnership, the unflustered one, the unconcerned one. And yet here he stood, in broad daylight, in a foreign kingdom, on the steps of a carriage with his breeches half unbuttoned and his cravat in disarray. 
He heard a cough from beside him, jolted and looked to the side. Sebastian's loyal Horse Master stood there, lounging against the side of the carriage. Fernando had forgotten who had even been driving the carriage in the first place. After Seb has let himself be pushed down, his hair still windswept from their ride together, everything else seemed to fade away. His thoughts were reduced only to how he could mess up the younger man's hair further. 
Jenson grinned at him wolfishly, and casually crossed his legs,  "First time?" he inquired. Fernando glared at him. The other man laughed openly at him, "What? He's a busy man with big prospects. You're not his majesty's only conquest, you know. Now your throne on the other hand…"
Fernando seethed, it was one thing to be humiliated by the future emperor, but to be patronized by the king's horse boy? No. It would simply not do. He closed his eyes in annoyance, pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaled, and prepared a speech about how he was not about to be talked down to by a man who didn't even have a throne to speak of! 
But when he opened his eyes again and opened his mouth to begin his tirade, Jenson was already wandering away to tend to the horses. Dios mío, Fernando was not mentally prepared to spend the rest of his life with all of these impertinent morons. 
#i love how i kept saying to people: no no i shant write any fic for this. only art.#me like two weeks later: hey guys :)#this is just: i was sitting in class and had a drawing idea but then im obv not drawing *this* in class so my brain went into narrative mod#not exactly 'baby's first ficlet!!!' but moreso ive not written in a while so i hope its alright???#but aaahhh this was actually pretty fun!! idk i think it was bcs i was also being brainrotted by the image of seb kneeling....#maybe ill draw it. but it felt like something that needed the context of narrative and not just oo here is a drawing!#anyways you can always ask me for a directors cut-(PLEASE PLEAE BEGGING PLEASE)#see this is why im not cut out for writing fic#its not like i dont think it can speak for itself. more that im just an overly reflective person who wants to explain all my thoughts#if i wrote fic itd really be just: chapter 1. chapter 1.5 chapter 2. chapter 2.5#anyways i think its pretty obvious but this is before their wedding and just like peak bitterness.#well not peak. peak would be the first year- first few months of their marriage#but this is fernando who is only just realizing how naive all his expectations of seb were and getting a glimpse of his future#but mostly: mindgames and power play and: whos actually really winning?#also my god jense is literally the best chara in this au. he is vibing and basically just witnessing ye olde reality tv#mark and fernando are always in a weird powerplay with seb(even if seb isnt even consiously doing so) and jense is just free from it all#hmm now how does one go about tagging fic#vettonso#f1 fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1#formula 1#martian#sebmark#also idk why im always so concerned abt tagging when im basically just writing this for my little boy king following i have somehow formed#hahaha! it is art to me!:#catie.art.#boy king au
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mikansei · 3 months ago
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so i found a picrew and made some questionable life choices and a couple henchmen
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henchman no.1: conway
been working for aventurine since he first became a stoneheart, Used To This Shit™
level-headed, calm & collected, considers himself stoic (lol)
wears his collar unbuttoned & combs his hair back to look cool (he's actually just sweaty)
real into the "mook extra in a mafia film" schtick despite being high rank now
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henchman no.2: korman
transferred to aventurine's dept at conway's recommendation years back, STILL not used to this shit at all
anxious chihuahua of a man, always at least a little worried (his boss being who he is does NOT help)
wears his hair & suit normally (conway calls him boring for it)
more competent than he looks, gets the job done but complains the whole time
and they're gay married to each other b/c that's how i roll 💕💖✨
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hana-bobo-finch · 1 month ago
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ohhh wait Halloween exists doesn’t it
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fettery-fetterie · 4 months ago
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GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET
ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life
#it's like that one image i saw#under read more too bc i don't wanna get jumpscared#anyways i wanted to say#one thing is that I've been kinda into hlevpeka (how do you even call that?) for like. 2 years? 3?#it's just that it kinda fell off for me once i started thinking about the possibilities of hlevteo (which was around the end of 2023 so)#but ig the myth hunt trio as a whole is kinda making me pick it back#definitely the most underdeveloped out of the 3 tho. i have no idea what could lead to the same guy have weird shit going on with himself#well probably it is a want to learn about himself or something#they were separate for a good while so ig they wanna pick things back and learn together#what makes them them and what they like for themselves#and who can know you better than yourself (?) idk it's weird i need a good excuse still#anywayyyyys#I've also been thinking about something for hlevteo#like bc i want it to have significant differences over teopeka (healthier ones at that) and i think one of them would be like. transparency#and sincerity and “truth” (if you really wanna tie it back to myth hunting)#bc i feel they'd reach a point where they like. can be open with each other right#and i feel that'd amount to like. knowing stuff nobody else does#like teo would tell hlev like. oh yeah me and peka have been around for almost a decade now. yeah it was a very weird thing for those times#i think the reason why im even here with you is bc you remind me of him. ig i just gravitate towards you#and hlev would be like yeah dw it's fine. y'know you also kinda remind me of someone. of like- oh that's gonna be weird to explain#and then he explains to her the whole. Thing. about being a protagonist#and she'd be like “oh huh well alright. that's one more existencial crisis for me. anyways what does that have to do with anything#and he'd be like “yeah ok so the reason why i think im also around you is bc of the power dynamic(?) we have#like you're my boss still and i honestly like that? I think all those years of feeling helpless and powerless have kinda taken a toll on me#and she'd be like “oh huh alright i guess that makes sense. that's kinda sad tho”#(heavy projecting there with That Man™ but it's whatever)#anyways what im trying to say it's that like. it's not that the motives behind the attraction are healthier?#it's moreso the fact they explained them at length to each other that kinda is? bc then they can work from there right?#like they can like. at minimum make them not devolve into something obnoxiously bad
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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woodlandscab1n · 1 year ago
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Lethanfield about to kill me right now like what the fuck
I cannot even begin to explain 😭 the utter fuckery happening here, i know crumb is all silley with this ship but DOES IT KNOW. DOES IT KNOW WHAT IT JUST CREATED
I rlly like the idea for my own nefarious reasons tho . :] (IS GOING TO IGNORE EVERYTHING AND JUST THINK OF THEM ACTUALLY JUST HAPPY)
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago
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I THINK I DID OK ON MY FRENCH EXAM???????? HOURRA!!!!
#LIKE THERE IS NO WAY IM GETTING A 1 KIND OF OK. 3 IS FEASIBLE 4 IS POSSIBLE 2 IS ALSO POSSIBLE. ALRIGHT!!!!!#the multiple choice had me stabbing and clawing at my legs the whole time it was AWFUL i couldnt tell what they were saying at ALL#but i think i was able to fake it decently well we'll see#the email response was alright (though i didnt close elegantly oops)#and the essay was surprisingly good??? i fully didnt do half the essays we were assigned (sorry madame </3) but i finished before time was#up. and it was pretty ok too as far as little french essays go#i fully didnt respond to like 3/5 prompts in the conversations task lol. that's a 1 for sure and i knew that going in#not my best but pretty comparable to most of my performances on the task prior. me when audio processing#AND THE CULTURAL COMP WAS ON ONE OF THE ONLY TOPICS I COULD CONFIDENTLY SPEAK ABOUT LET'S GOOOOOOOO#i was SO excited when i saw that lol. yes thats MY topic of choice hehehe#waaaaaaahhh im so happy it's over!!! i was so scared!!!!! plus it was like 4 hours long which is fucking bonkers to mr#i thought the mcqs would be like 60 mins but no. ig bc of the audio prompts#sheeshhhh i can barely even feel scared about The Problem from earlier today bc im sooo happy (<- this will have consequences later)#anyway the writing tasks in particular made me feel like i knew a lot more french than i thought. makes me wanna continue it even though#my incentive's gone :))#and i mean. we'll see ig. but I'd love to get better at it. the hope is that im gonna sunk cost fallacy my way into fluency basically#anyway hellll yeahhhhh#mwah mwah#etc
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jabeur · 2 months ago
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whenever i'm with large groups of people i have at least one moment of Oh God. People Think I'm Either A Man Or A Woman. it's like getting shocked every time lmao party meme but it's they don't know i'm nonbinary
#he looked scared! like i might think badly of him or treat him differently!#i have many gay friends!#i did? kind of come out? to my coworker?#but i mean she already knew i'm gay lmao it's so obvious when you assume i'm a man that i'm not straight 😭😭#i did have to make a split second decision to say either bi or gay and i said gay 😭 i do use both interchangeably personally#bc i use gay as like an umbrella term for not straight#but i know people tend to think of only homosexual and heterosexual lol bisexual people don't exist <3#but really i didn't feel like doing a lesson on what bisexuality is if it was needed so 😭😭#my coworker was cool with it i was like i mean you probably know already but i'm gay lol and she said yeah i knew but it's your business#but um she was kinda outing our ex coworker? and i know she told me bc i'm obviously gay myself but.......#it's not cool to tell me when he only mentioned his bf to her and she said he looked scared that she might judge him.... like it's not cool#to tell period but especially since it was clearly said bc he trust *her* with the info#if they're openly out and the person already knows well ofc whatever you can talk about it but it wasn't like that so#but the thing IS....... that i only really realised she was outing him afterwards? my bad truly. i was uncomfortable in the moment#but for some reason it didn't click why til later#bc like at first i thought it was bc she said something like 😭😭 girl. how should he know you'd be cool with it. we live in This Society.#so i was uncomfy like uhhh. and i said well i mean you probably know already but i'm gay too and even if there's a p high chance that peopl#will be okay with it in this day & age (i didn't say but. bit different for trans ppl. i'm not out as trans) we can never know#so it makes sense to be scared to say it!#and she was like yes! but i am okay with it and he looked so scared! i truly know so many and i love them even more than others!#😭😭😭😭😭 she means well but seriously HOW SHOULD HE KNOW ALL THAT 😭😭😭😭 it doesn't work like that girl.....#i mean ? *i* never told her i'm gay 😭😭 and i've known her for 2 years and a half almost. this guy worked with us for like a few months#anyway i wish i was quicker to realise bc i would've told her out on it like...... really not your thing to tell other people 😵‍💫😵‍💫#still. i am glad i said it. even when it's obvious and wouldn't need telling#it's NOT easy to like. know that everyone knows. not for me at least. especially with the added layer of being trans (AND nonbinary)#bc i don't think ppl i haven't told know that. i think cis ppl are quite bad at like.. knowing transmasc ppl exist lol#so i go by he/him only in italian (no other options lol) and i'm. not really completely masc and don't “pass” super well but when#i present myself as nico and talk abt myself w masculine words ppl just either ignore that and go she! :) or think alright. (cis) gay man#and at work it's the latter after i've worked there for over 2 years. like i'm not out as trans so ppl draw those conclusions#i don't think it'd shock ppl if i said i'm trans but simply put cis ppl at least cis italian ppl dont know shit abt trans men and transmasc
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asyourshadowfalls · 10 months ago
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ode to the 8 year old who has had running away on her mind all day. this is where such an insulated life really sucks. is your life perfect, kid? no. but considering your reasons (everyone in the house is annoying /fair i agree but alas everyone is annoying with too much exposure) that is not an issue you can avoid, and it certainly won't be missing in any family you move in with. that best friend is gonna be your enemy real quick (especially since youve already told me she's a bully to her little brother and has been rude to you) the interactions you hate are the ones that result from your own choices. they will only change when you start listening and thinking before reacting. it ain't easier but the more you practice it the better you'll be. and man do i wish you had any experience with sleepovers at other peoples houses or hell even just observing how other families interacted with each other in private because honey, you aren't even yelled at in this house,barring when someone is in imminent danger from your actions. and the family you want to live with has a giant confederate flag in their window so best not have that as your guardian
#this morning after she stated her runaway plan was a genuine surprise#but also a great tidbit for her to jump in with honestly. like look kid youre annoyed by your siblings and they are with you#that's kinda the way it goes especially when none of you have learned to be more kind than not#oh and during one of the convos during her calm moments i asked her what would make this house like her dream house#and she said it'd be fun; with painting and arts and crafts#so i relayed the information that she knew already#misremembering) is not boosting peoples trust in you#personal#children#the fact that her younger sister who cant go more than 5 minutes without being near her said#this is rambles cause obviously theres a limit to what i can say to her#i do not miss being this age#when they came home she was trying to not walk into the house (she had said this morning she was gonna run away)#so i figured alright lets change things up we are all walking to your friends house#(made it clear she's not gonna go inside or anything)#but i wanted to know if her friend was even in walking distance and if so know where to go if kid does run#it all went fine! came back home went inside all well and good#but every transition period since then has gotten her back to angry and yelling about running away#like what the hell kid no one even looked your way why the flip in 2 seconds??#she's going through a lot#i mean life in general at that age sucks but her beloved teacher left and so that's been hitting her hard#but she really has not grasped that what you do impacts how others react to you#and lying or we can trade this E in for the little E at -#daycare! I bet she'd be nice you could be painting right now if you just cleaned your room -#your dad told you that like 4 days ago" to which i got no response but i think she understood that point cause she moved on from the convo#also just remembered ~I~ had just told her we would do an art project next week for her dads birthday lmao
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago
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#hello darkness my old friend. I have insomnia again#it seems i wont get back to sleep. making this the 4th night in a row of 4 to 5hrs sleep. woof#is it insomnia or am i on the bleeding edge of hyp0mania? idk its weird. i can feel the strain in my head#my thoughts dont connect as well. its like im being pulled in two directions. my brain becoming spaghettified. growing thin around the#middle. but im not as tired as one might expect. ive been pretty productive and optimistic but anxiety and internal restlessness are up#like im tired but also i need to get up and pace around. maybe jump up and down. maybe run in circles.#the energy comes in waves. sitting in lectures or sitting for the extended addition of l0tr has been somewhat unbearable#bc im so contained. i would not ever get up and walk around while those things were happening but i desperately wanted to#ugh. whats my problem? who's to say. could also b the medication. i see the psychiatrist next week and i think ill beg to b put back on#lam1ctal. just bc when i was taking it on a super low does i had a week or feeling the most normal i think i ever have in my life#anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been#like i think under normal circumstances i just have a low capacity for joy. at most i feel neutral. like i was telling my friends how i#might do some field work in winter and they were enthusiastic abt it and i kno y bc it sounds cool but idk i just dont feel anything abt it#i cant see past the pain it will take to get there. and i mean mood wise i feel alright on 4bilify like in a nutral way but stable isnt#the same as feeling happy. but maybe its all just in my head. 25mg lam1ctal shouldnt b enough to b effective#but idk i think im just sensitive to the chemicals in my body. including hormone fluctuations. idk. i hope she lets me switch.#itll b a pain in the ass to readjust in terms of going off what im on now and it might not work#but theres literature on retrying lamicta1 and they say to avoid inflammatory reactions in the first 2 months. which i did not do. oops#not that i was trying. i didnt think abt it until id had a million holes poked in my skin and was experiencing a mild tatt00 allergy#ugh. anyway. tbh id prefer this being hyp0mania vs insomnia bc then at least i can continue to function a bit during the day#ive never done anything that wild while hyp0manic aside from injure myself from over exercising and make bad choices in how i spend time#ie become insane abt something and not b able to think abt anything else. ugh. and i guess at this point ive tentatively accepted the idea#of being bip0lar. so i swear to christ if i was misdiagnosed ill b so mad. its just that if i fill out an 4dhd and bip0lar checklist. i#get a way heavy positive with bip0lar and the 4dhd is meh. so i think i just have overlap in symptoms due to dyslex1a and 4utism#ugh. me and my collection of diagnoses. so it goes#unrelated
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amphitritebaby · 10 months ago
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crazy rambling incoming
#i submitted my post botox survey yesterday and god. like im fucked. it was like list ur symptoms and what % theyve improved and every single#one is 0%#like its joever#and while yes i am happy that 1 its submitted and its over and now i can finally schedule a fucking meeting about sugery like. ahhhg i feel#like my symptoms Have improved in my head. like the oh its not actually that bad ur fine. (as i am typing this my symptoms are flaring up#when they normally dont lol) and like. im just so scared that i'll get to the doctors and theyll say well botox worked a lil bit.#but not a lot. so u can do more botox and extend this process#or u can get surgery which is faster but also SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE#and i'm absolutely Not complaining about having a choice obvs im very grateful that 1 my doctors are nice enough to not push me into the#more expensive option just because#and 2 im lucky that this isn't a more pressing issue#but god. with all of the ingrained self doubt and oh ur exagerating and the tough i out mentality i have#and with the fact that i'm not in Constant pain#its just in certain positions and stuff. i'm just so scared about having to make a choice between surgery and Not sugery because i Want#the surgery so bad if it fixes me but i just dont know if i have the confidence to say definitively Yes. I Want Surgery. when its such#an ENORMOUS financial burden on my parents. like a life-ruinning financial burden.#not like it would be life-ruining for my family#like we would be alright... just... i don't want to add that to their plate especially when they get all sad when i pay my own med bills#idk. anyways that was a huge rant and if u see me complaining about this on anon to my mutuals no u didnt
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r4di0h3ad · 2 months ago
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just practice
paring! bsf!jj x reader
in which! you have a date coming up and you still haven’t lost your virginity, so you go to your best friend in the hopes he will help you out and save you from embarrassment
warnings! smut. loss of virginity. oral sex (f. receiving) pnv sex. unprotected sex.
part 2
you find jj at the chateau, laying in a hammock on the porch with his shirt off and a joint between his fingers. you could smell the scent of weed before you even made it to the door and jj gave you a smile when he noticed you.
“hey, j.” you greeted, now standing in front of the bench. “you busy?”
“what’s it look like?” he took a long drag from the joint and exhaled. you couldn’t help but grin at his glazed over eyes and his genuine, high smile.
you glanced into the screen door, looking for john b, or anyone else, but couldn’t see well from the smoky haze.
“anyone home?”
he shakes his head no.
“kie and pope are working, think john b’s out with sarah.” he says. “why? you okay?” his eyes soften and you notice his look of concern.
“yeah,” you smile, “everything’s fine, just need to uh- talk to you.” you had no idea how you were gonna go through with this without making it incredibly awkward. you already felt sick to your stomach at the thought of him rejecting you and never seeing you the same way after this.
jj nods and stubs out his joint. he stands up and opens the screen door, motioning for you to enter first.
“after you.”
you smile and step inside, but you soon begin to feel ill at the fact that you were really going to ask him this. you wanted this to happen, but you were terribly nervous.
you lead him to his room and close the door behind you. he sits on the edge of the bed and you follow, sitting crisss cross, facing him.
“you sure everything’s fine?” he asks, obviously questioning the fact that you wanted to speak to him in his room, and that you were silent.
“i told you about that guy i’ve been talking to for a few weeks, yeah?” you start, not wanting to make eye contact with the boy.
“yeah.” he nods.
you try not to pick at the skin of your fingernails.
“okay, well, he asked me out.” you say. “the date’s tomorrow.”
he furrows his eyebrows in question, noticing that you sounded kind of disappointed about something that was supposed to be good.
“well that’s a good thing, right?” he scoffed. “i mean, i cant remember the last time you went on a date.”
“shut up.” you nudge him. “yeah, it’s a good thing… i like him- i think.”
“alright, well, that’s all you wanted to tell me?” he asks. “you don’t need dating advice right? because i can’t help you in that department.”
you fight a smile at his remark and shake your head no.
“okay, here’s the thing.” you sigh before you force out your next words, absolutely dreading his reaction. “i don’t know if he’ll wanna sleep with me eventually, and, well he’s kind of experienced with girls and all that, and i’m kind of…. not.” you cringe at your choice of words, already regretting coming to jj out of embarrassment. you glance at him momentarily and he seems to be studying you, waiting for you to keep talking. “what i mean is, like-“ you sighed. you knew you sounded like a complete idiot, but you didn’t want to back out now.
“you know i’m a virgin, right?” you didn’t even want to look at him after the words came out of your mouth.
he smiled a little.
“i, uh, i figured.” he scratched the back of his head awkwardly and cleared his throat.
“don’t be a dick.” you shove him once again and he chuckles, which allows you to lighten up just slightly. “i’m saying that i don’t know what i’m doing - y’know, with guys and all that. i don’t want to embarrass myself in front of him.”
“so you want… sex advice? from me?” he asks, raising his eyebrows with suspicion.
you nervously bite the inside of your cheek and your face grows hot.
“well, i thought maybe a little more hands on.” you said before you could even stop yourself. you knew you had to just come out and say it or you would’ve backed out and nothing would ever come of this situation. you searched his face for a reaction.
he looked confused, but he didn’t seem whole heartedly against the idea. the silence between you both was becoming awkward and you felt the need to explain yourself, hopefully making the situation sound less like you were coming on to him and more like a friend just asking for help.
“i mean like, because you’re a guy and all, you would know what guys like best, i guess?” you said, as you watched him cross his arms over his chest and lean against the headboard of the bed. “and i was thinking about the fact that i’m going on a date for the first time since freshman year and now there’s a very high chance that i’ll sleep with him in the coming weeks, and it just- i don’t know, the idea of losing my virginity to someone i’ve known for a month didn’t really sound good to me.” you we’re rambling at this point to try and defend your case. “i would rather do it with someone i know, and trust.”
“you want me to take your virginity?” he asked, blatantly. “that’s what you came here for?”
you nod, probably chewing a hole into your cheek now.
“if it’s too weird for you, you don’t have to do it at all, it’s okay.” you said. “you were just the only person i felt like i could ask without it being awkward.”
“no, no,” his expression softens and he shakes his head, pulling his arms from his chest and taking his back off the headboard. “i’ll do it.”
“really?” your eyes light up because you expected this to go far south.
“yeah, no big deal.” he shrugs, even though in his head he knew it was a huge deal. he was going to be your first time and if he screwed it up, there was no telling what would happen between you two. “but, this won’t change anything between us right?” he asked. “like i just don’t want it to be awkward afterwards.”
“i swear.” you said, although you didn’t entirely know if that was the truth. “you’re just helping me out, right?”
“alright.” he responds. “you, uh, you wanna do this now or..?” he clears his throat again, visibly getting nervous, but your fears seemed to be disappearing now that you knew he wasn’t against the idea.
“the sooner, the better.” you said.
jj gets up from the bed and flips the lock on the door on the off chance someone were to come home.
“just a warning though,” you start, “i’ll definitely be really bad at this compared to the other girls you’ve been with.”
“that’s all right, you gotta learn somewhere.” he says, walking back to you and stopping right in front of where you were sitting on the bed. your heart started to race as the reality of what you were about to do started setting in. he sits down next to you and you could smell salt water and weed on his skin. “i’m gonna start with kissing you, is that okay?” you searches your face for confirmation and you nod, giving him the okay. “and you’ll tell me if i’m taking things too fast or if you wanna stop, right?”
you giggle a little at his attention to the matter.
“yes jj.”
you see a very slight smile appear on his lips before he slowly leaned in and connected them with yours. he tasted like weed but in the most perfect way as he skillfully moved his lips in sync with yours. his tongue softly swiped your bottom lip at the same time his hands found their way to the sides of your face and he held you there gently. you took him touching you as a sign to occupy your own hands with his body as you brought your hands around his back, feeling his bare skin.
his kisses started leading down your chin, and further down onto your neck where he connected his lips with your skin. you shivered at the new feeling of someone kissing your neck as he went lower still, reaching your collarbone. he pulled away and tugged at the him of your shirt, asking for more access to your body and he helped you out of the fabric.
“you doin okay?” he asks.
“totally fine.”
he connects his lips to your collar again as he carefully lays you down onto your back. he fights the urge not to leave any hickeys on you, knowing you had a date tomorrow.
you scoot your body up until you’re in the middle of the bed so that he can easily get on top of you. he continues kissing your body, getting lower and lower and with each passing second, you could feel yourself getting hotter and your arousal getting stronger. his mouth reached the waistband of your jean shorts and he looked up your for permission to take them off. you nodded and he unbuttoned them before sliding them down your legs and tossing them somewhere on the floor.
jj kissed the curve of your hipbone and you mindlessly rolled your core up towards his mouth, to which you could feel him smirk against your skin at your neediness.
“i’ll get there princess.” he said against the space under your bellybutton. you practically lost your breath at his words and your cheeks flushed out of embarrassment.
he continued kissing you even lower, placing his lips over clothed core and hooking a finger underneath the hem of your bikini bottoms.
“can i take these off?” he asked.
“please.” you nod, almost sounding too desperate.
he pulls your bottoms down your legs, leaving you exposed to him. the first time anyone had seen you like this, and you were thankful it was jj and not some random boy who didn’t know the first thing about you.
“you still alright?”
“jj,” you giggle. “i’ll tell you if somethings wrong, okay?”
“just being courteous.” he joked.
he brought his hand to your now bare core and used his thumb to swipe a line from your entrance up to your clit, making you whine from just one touch. he spreads your wetness around your clit, his pants growing tighter at the sight of your arousal. as he rubs painfully slow circles, he searches your face for signs of enjoyment, but your eyes were shut tight and your lips were parted, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth.
“just relax, okay?” he said, to which you nod eagerly. you were totally not relaxed at all. in fact you were amped on adrenaline from the way he kissed you.
and then before you could register what was happening, you felt something new touching you. you opened your eyes and looked down at jj’s face in between your thighs, seeing his tongue swirling over your clit. it felt better than any time you had ever touched yourself. his eyes met yours for a second and you wondered why you never asked him to do this any sooner even though you pictured him going down on you many times before
your hands found their way to his blonde locks, your fingers tangling into his hair as you threw your head back on the pillow.
“oh my god, jj” you moaned, to which he picked up the pace a little. he gripped your thighs firmly, holding them apart, occasionally rubbing circles into your skin with his thumbs to relax you.
his lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked, making you jolt your hips up in pleasure at the new sensation. your legs were trembling under his grip and jj didn’t think he could get any harder, but he was, in fact, getting harder by the minute.
“jj,” you moaned his name, “please don’t stop!” you were pulling his hair tighter, trying not to be too loud in case anyone were to come home, but it was impossible to keep your mouth shut with the way he was eating your pussy. “feels so good” you cried.
your hips were rocking back and forth, rolling in the same rhythm as his tongue, practically riding his face. he knew you were close based on the fact that your moans were getting closer together and your legs were shaking harder. he suddenly switched the direction of his tongue, now going side to side and occasionally sucking on your clit, swallowing your juices.
your back was arched off the bed, your hands flying to the sheets for something to hold on to as your high approached in small waves. you moved one hand to cover your mouth, trying to stifle your moans, but jj immediately reached up to your arm and pulled it from your face, not stopping his movements.
“need to hear you cum” he said against your clit before harshly sucking on it.
“fuck” you moaned, his words alone almost leading you over the edge.
he snuck two fingers into your entrance and slowly moved them against the sweet spot inside you. the mixture of his mouth expertly lapping at your clit and his fingers pushing into you had you coming undone.
“fuck- don’t stop- please- don’t st-“ you couldn’t even get the last words out as you felt yourself completely lose control. you didn’t know how loud you were moaning because all of your senses had faltered as the tidal wave of ecstasy crashed over you.
he kept licking until you had fully ridden out your orgasm, and even then, he continued, his grip still tight on your legs as they trembled. you pushed his head away from the overstimulation and then lay limp, your chest rising and falling as you came down, your eyes still closed.
“need a second?” he asked, mockingly, his hands running up your torso and to your still covered breasts. he felt your nipples harden under your bikini top and he desperately wanted to get you out of it.
you wrap your arms around his back and pull him on top of you, connecting your lips with his again. he immediately kisses you back and reaches behind you to undo your top, which quickly comes off and jj’s eyes land on your breasts. he takes them both in his hands and leans over you to suck your nipple, making you shiver.
you occupy your own hands with his belt, fumbling with the clasp until it’s undone and pulling it through the loops.
he pulls himself away from your tits and starts undoing the zipper before his eyes meet yours.
“you sure you’re okay with this?” he asks.
“i wouldn’t be fully naked in front of you right now if i wasn’t.” you joke.
he gets up from the bed to take his shorts off and look around the room, presumably for a condom.
“john b’s gotta have some around here, hold on.” he says, opening up the top drawer of the dresser and rummaging through the pairs of socks and underwear.
“you don’t have to, jay.” you say, but he doesn’t listen, still looking inside the dresser for any small, silver packages. “i’m on birth control.”
he turns around cocks his head at you.
“what?” you question. “makes my periods lighter.” you shrug.
“i’m still pulling out though.” he says before he walks back to the edge of the bed and slides his boxers off, revealing his achingly hard cock. you visibly got nervous at his length, swallowing the saliva in your mouth. jj notices the redness in your face and gets into the bed, pushing hair out of your face with his fingers. “i’ll stop if it’s too much, just tell me.” you nod, anxiously and he positions himself on top of you, stroking his cock a few times before you feel his tip at your entrance. his eyes meet yours for confirmation and you give him a nod.
his cock slowly pushes into you, not even an inch as he doesn’t want to hurt you. you shut your eyes hard, preparing for it to hurt, but you feel barely any pain. he kisses your neck and pushes himself in a little farther.
“this feel okay?” he asks against your skin.
“feels good, j.” your hands find their way to his back again.
once he bottoms out, you feel a slight pressure at your cervix before he slowly starts moving, giving you time to adjust to the feeling.
you hear jj moan in your ear from the painfully slow strokes he was taking, trying to keep himself from going too fast for you. his cock rubbed against your g-spot and you kiss the area in between his collar and neck.
“i’m okay jj.” you reassure him. “faster, please.”
he picks up the pace and continues kissing your neck. your nails dig into the skin of his back.
“you feel so good” he moans. “doin’ so good for me- fuck.” he didn’t even realize what he was saying, but you enjoyed the hell out of it. his praises added to the pleasure of him inside you.
he was going fast enough now that you could hear your skin hitting against each others as your hips connected. every thrust was stroking your sweet spot and you were pretty sure you were leaving scratches on his back, but jj felt too good to even notice.
he leaned back a little so that all his weight was on his knees and his back was straight as he grabbed one of your legs for support and used his other hand to rub your clit at the same time he was fucking you. the double stimulation illicited a loud moan from you that encouraged jj to keep going, almost nearing his end.
his thrusts were getting sloppier and his breathing was heavier but he wanted to make you finish before him. your chest heaved, feeling the new sensation of him filling you up at the same time as his fingers worked on your clit. the pressure was building up and you knew you were close. you suddenly pulled him against you so that your chests were pressed against each others.
“fuck- jj” you moaned. “m’so close.”
his heavy breathing sounded like heaven to you as he started to fuck you even harder, his cock sliding perfectly in and out of you.
“sweetheart” he moaned into your neck. “m’not gonna last much longer.”
almost immediately after he said those words, you felt the band in your stomach snap as you came around his cock, squeezing and pulling him deeper inside you. you cried out his name as he fucked you through your second orgasm.
“fuck, baby-“ he pulled out of you and stroked his cock that was slick with your wetness. you watched his face contort in pleasure, his eyes barely open and his lips parted, his eyebrows furrowed. his cum shot onto your stomach and tits.
he tried not to stare too long at the mess he made of you, realizing almost as soon as he finished that this was a one time thing he may never get you like this again.
he got out of the bed and grabbed a shirt of the floor, which he cleaned you up with and tossed it.
“you okay?” he asked again.
you rolled your eyes.
“how many times are you gonna ask that?” you scoffed. “i liked it, j. don’t know how my date’s gonna top that.” you joked.
then, jj remembered that this was all practice for you to go and have sex with another guy and he suddenly felt sick. he pulled his boxers back on and picked up your articles of clothing from the floor and tossed them to you.
the truth is, you didn’t even want to go on that date anymore. not after the way jj took care of you.
“hey, jj!” a voice, john b’s, ripped through the chateau and both of your eyes widened, looking at each other with panic. “you home?”
you swiftly put your bottoms and shorts back on in under 30 seconds and shrugged yourself into your flimsy shirt while jj was putting his belt back on. you quickly exited john b’s room before he could see where you both came from and you nervously greeted him in the living room to see that sarah and kie were home as well.
“heyy, jb.” jj said, awkwardly.
“what have you two been doing all day?” john b asks.
kiara walked over to the kitchen to grab a beer and when she turned around, she noticed the marks on jj’s back. she paused in her steps.
“jj, what’s with all the scratches on your ba-“ and then she realized. her face contorted in disgust. “ewwww, are you guys fucking serious?”
your face grows hot with embarrassment and you wanted to dig a whole to die in, but john b seems barely faced as he walked past you, saying something near you.
“at least you made that boy’s dreams come true.”
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