#well I did but that wasn't everything

[asexualone]

none of these words are in the bible

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

[bilaudad]

wing stuff!

experimenting with a more cartoon style, idk what i'm doing loll

tagging: @goodomensafterdark <3

[backpackingspace]

Odysseus with his head in his wife's lap, happily not paying attention to anything, humming one of athenas song and carving something

Some random guy: your majesty----

Odysseus: not bothering to sit up: whatever my wife decided is fine.

[mazken]

brush test slash rendering practice with ayem

[mourn-and-watch]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

[damngoodbabysiitter]

@giftober 2024 | Day 7: Helping

Juliette helps/saves Nick in his fight with Oleg Stark

[roots-symphony]

I had all and then most of you some and now none of you t a k e m e b a c k t o t h e n i g h t w e m e t

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I know that people are rarely their best selves at a funeral, but do you ever just watch your family move through the process of mourning the Patriarch and have a sudden and violent and vivid understanding of Why Everyone Is The Way They Are

[leo-artista]

Is it too early to say I'm very disappointed with the ending of Arcane

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[sairenharia]

Fic Prompt: “It’s a wonderful life” plot where Marinette enters a world where “Miracle Queen” never happened because she asked Chloe for help, and it turns out to be a better world.

Another night where the effects of Ladybiquity have caused Marinette's dreams to show her another world, another life.

Its a sight Marinette recognizes from a distance. She sees herself go to Fu. However, instead of the hesitation Marinette had felt that day with thoughts of Kagami, she had instead picked up the Bee without hesitation. It was the plan she had. The first plan. The plan that made the most sense, and she was off.

Chloe would be Queen Bee for her parents.

Fu was still found, still captured.

Chat Noir arrived later, while Queen Bee and Ladybug were fighting Heart Hunter. Who was determined to go for Ladybug with the most love. What Marinette didn't understand was Heart Hunter's lack of interest in Chat Noir compared to her. Chat Noir was always such a romantic, but he had seemed distracted this time around.

But they win once Chloe gets close enough for a Venom. Ladybug dropped her off at home and this time, Chloe hands over the Bee without being asked. And thanked Ladybug for the chance, even if her identity was a problem. Ladybug admits if her parents were in danger, it did seem silly not to.

Marinette can see she's still worried about Kagami and Adrien.

Ladybug tells Chloe to check on her parents, even though Queen Bee looks uncertain at first, but she's off before Ladybug can decide to ask anything.

Of course, this time, Hawk Moth's plan is interrupted. He had been counting on Chloe, with her need for control to either get him paralysis of Paris, to potential mind control if he could push her. But Ladybug had decided to depend on her, which messed up his manipulation attempts.

Its not the total victory Hawk Moth wanted, but he has the box and the guardian and if he can break the shield, perhaps Ladybug and Chat Noir's identity.

And unfortunately without the show, Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't as quick to act.

Marinette breaks down on Luka, takes comfort in him for a while, but then her concern for Fu finally takes precedent and she asks to be alone. She tries for a Lucky Charm to find Fu. What she gets is a key.

She searches for him until she finds the locker and the note inside. To protect Marinette and Adrien, Fu gave up his memories. He lost the Miracle Box, but he trusted them to find a way to figure things out.

Marinette does find Fu eventually, wandering the park, since Gabriel didn't have a use for him without his memories and he's not quite cold blooded killer yet, just takes away the turtle.

Its a defeat before the heroes even knew it.

Hawk Moth makes his announcement of victory. The feeling of dread. Ladybug and Chat Noir are on their own...

And the Bee Miraculous.

Marinette goes to Alya at first, because of course she does. Unfortunately, while Alya is a fantastic fox, she's not as good with a Bee. The Bee needs someone who gets into the fray and fast, can make a decisive action. And while Alya is good, she isn't as decisive. She needs too much direction from Ladybug.

Ladybug needs another like Chat Noir. Chat Noir is great with orders, but the reason Chat Noir is her partner is because he is good at intuiting what she needs and can act longterm on his own. He doesn't need extensive explanation. He doesn't need handholding.

Marinette sees Chat Noir make the suggestion. Chloe is many things, but everytime they have fought with her, she's never needed much direction. Told the goal and she went.

But her compromised identity is too great a danger now.

Until Chat Noir points out that Plagg says its possible too change the outfit, the person just needs to decide on a new persona.

Ladybug has such doubts. Marinette gets why. Trusting Chloe once and a while was one thing, but trusting her bully longterm with something so precious?

Chat Noir points out she wasn't akumatized when another bee showed up.

Ladybug gives her a chance.

And much to Marinette's surprise, Chloe declares she knew Ladybug would come. She TOLD Hawk Moth she would, goes on about how of course Ladybug would trust her, and he really should have stopped trying to akumatize her after the third time.

Its the first time Ladybug in the timeline, and Marinette who was Ladybiquity learns Chloe is able to reject Akumas even before akumatization.

Marinette does see Chloe deflate a bit when Ladybug explains the changed identity, how Chloe HAD to keep it secret this time, there wouldn't be another chance after it. At first, Marinette figures of course. Of course Chloe would want the glory. She's going to refuse now that she can't claim it for herself-

"I understand," Chloe said. Then she sighs dramatically. "But Queen Bee was such a good name? What am I going to use now?"

They decide on Honey Bee.

And...and its such an odd thing to watch.

Because she knew Chloe was a competent hero, train incident aside, but seeing her work with Chat Noir and herself...

Its like a second Chat Noir. Honey Bee is decisive. She's active. There are some fights she pulls a Chat Noir, leading hordes on a merry chase through town. She is quick to defend. Quick get into the action. She doesn't get underfoot. She slots into place like a well oiled machine between their partnership. She is good at provocation, if in a different way than Chat Noir. She puts on a sweet persona, until she throws in a bite. The hero of honey and vinegar, apparently. Chloe's overly sweet persona back by her ruthlessness.

Things are dire for a while, because Hawk Moth became Monarch so fast, but with Chat Noir and Honey Bee, Ladybug is able to keep things together.

...okay, she also had to admit, seeing Honey Bee versus Su Han was kind of satisfying, though it had taken him weeks more to find their transformed selves without tracking the Miracle Box. She respected the man had a job to do, but while Chat Noir was willing to listen to Ladybug, Honey Bee was quick to point out they were experienced and they were fighting a villain with over a dozen Miraculous and the man wanted to send either inexperienced fighters, or people who had been out of time for a CENTURY? It was ridiculous. It clearly threw him off until an akumatized Fu showed up.

Unfortunately, Monarch had ditched the box itself. So they had found it, saw it changed and saw that Fu had intended Ladybug to be the new Guardian, but there were no Miraculous. Su Han wasn't really for this, but he did have to admit, sending the inexperienced or lost may prove more detrimental, so he will be watching them as he speaks with the other Guardians to figure out a plan.

The real change, however, was explaining things to Honey Bee. As she proved herself a capable teammate, they explained things about Fu, and about the power ups, and why they came later and Honey Bee wondered about where they got the book so suddenly.

"Actually, I'm curious about that too, My Lady," Chat Noir commented. "You were talking to the Master for weeks before that."

"Oh." Ladybug hesitated.

"Why are you so secretive about it? If its another guardian secret, you can just say that," Honey Bee said.

"I mean...not really," Ladybug said, rubbing the back of her neck. She never liked outright lying if she didn't have to, but she also knew Chloe would have a reaction about it. At least, Marinette imagines that's the conflict.

But things were different now. As Honey Bee was acting longer and longer, Marinette saw it. Chloe wasn't exactly nice, but she saw that Chloe's bite was less about attacking people to make them feel bad and more biting commentary about the situation. She would do things like help people up and get things for them as more mindless actions. The way she would act to help to save people seemed to effect her in her day to day life.

Chloe was feeling the effects of being a hero. And that was likely what made Ladybug finally speak.

(And perhaps a warning about the danger of Lila.)

"My kwami saw it when this girl, Lila I think her name was, throw it away after she apparently stole it from Adrien Agreste. That was why I thought Gabriel Agreste was Monarch," Ladybug said to Chat Noir. "If he had the book, it made him suspicious. Even if we know now that his wife was a collector, it seemed reasonable," she said.

"Oh!" Chat Noir said with surprise, before nodding. "I could see why you thought he might be Monarch then. I had wondered..." He said, scratching the back of his head.

Honey Bee gasped, offended. "She's the reason why Adrien was almost banned from school?!"

Ladybug had to play dumb. (Chat Noir also had to play dumb.) "What about Adrien getting banned?" She asked.

"She-oh, forget it! Don't worry about it," Honey Bee said. "I can deal with the thief later," she muttered under her breath.

"Honey Bee, please don't fight a student," Chat Noir asked.

"Honey Bee isn't fighting anyone," she said. "Chloe is another matter."

"How would you even explain learning abou-" Chat Noir started.

"Wait. How do you know Gabriel's not Monarch?" Honey Bee interrupted. "Just because Auntie Emilie found it doesn't mean it can't be where he got the Miraculous?"

"Because he got akumatized. He can't akumatize himself," Chat Noir said.

"Why not?" Honey Bee asked.

They both paused. "Why else wouldn't he do it all the time then?" Ladybug finally said.

Honey Bee snorted. "Because being an akuma messes with your head. I might not remember being a full akuma, but I can remember the process of his failed attempts. I said no, but I really wanted to say yes. It was like...like..." Honey Bee paused, rolling a hand in the air. "It was like if Adrien asked me for a hug," she said. "I'd do it in a heartbeat. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to believe him. Everything he said sounded so reasonable and easy to do. I was holding on by the idea alone that superheroes don't work for supervillains. The logic had to be ironclad."

She picked leaned back on her hands. "And with how out of control Akumas are? No way Gabriel would volunteer for losing THAT much control on a regular basis," she said with a scoff.

Silence stretched between them.

"I mean...there's still no proof the butterfly CAN akumatize themselves..." Chat Noir said.

Honey Bee shrugged. "There's also Mayura," she pointed out. "Why couldn't she use the Butterfly?"

And suddenly, the notion that had been dismissed months ago was back on the table.

Marinette watched as they investigated the possibility, knowing what was coming. That whatever way it happened, Honey Bee had been right. Gabriel had akumatized himself.

Marinette realizes that she hadn't told anyone all the things from before. Even showing Alya the grimoire, she hadn't told her how she found it, hadn't told her about the Collector, had never told Chat Noir where she got the book.

...and isn't that the problem of it?

Marinette didn't tell people things. Rarely everything. Even when she opens up, she keeps secrets. Edits so much of herself that no one else knows all she does. Not Chat Noir. Not Alya. Tikki is the only one.

Would they have revisited the idea of Gabriel being Monarch when they learned of Mayura, would they have learned the truth earlier? Would he had ever gotten the Miraculous? Would she have been able to spare Chat Noir killing the man by mistake?

Zoe arrived to a Chloe who was on speaking terms with the class. With Zoe's nicer attitude, she was able to help repair the bridge that Chloe had incidentally patched up. The two don't fall out, bond as sister's. Zoe is a little more sarcastic, but she's bolder. Chloe's edges turn to a harsh humor, but more often, she uses her fire to deal with other bullies.

Chloe is a terror to Lila. Namely by throwing a party and getting Jagged Stone and several other musicians Lila bragged about knowing to perform there and didn't tell anyone in advance. Lila was scrambling to recover when none of them knew Lila, a point Chloe made obvious, and once the lie was discovered once, more doubt was easy enough to sew.

Marinette sees her other self less isolated at school, with her friends having often chosen to hang out with Lila over her. But even more, she sees Zoe and Chloe step up when she's struggling to keep up with her class representative duties and help out, with Zoe's fondness for Marinette pulling Chloe in to use her own experience.

The other Marinette and Chloe aren't friends. But after Zoe arrived and bonded with Chloe...

Its clear how much less anger Chloe had for Marinette for reasons she didn't understand.

(Chloe had family who loved her unconditionally. A jealousy quelled.)

A week and a half before Monarch would steal the Miraculous in her time, Chat Noir asks for a meeting, looking haunted.

He says he found proof Monarch is Gabriel Agreste. He had found a secret lair in the house. Found a body of Emilie preserved. Nathalie had been weak for weeks, and Mayura had been suffering fainting spells before she vanished, and the timelines matched up.

Ladybug wants to go confront Gabriel right away.

Honey Bee is the one who noticed Chat Noir was unsteady. Chloe's emotional awareness wasn't great, but she was very good at judging her partner's abilities to handle a fight. She saw Chat Noir wasn't ready to fight.

And that's when Marinette realizes the grave mistake she has made in her world in trying to pain Gabriel as a hero.

Chat Noir didn't need much pushing. He had been on the edge of break down. He falls at Honey Bee's prodding.

"I can't do this," Chat Noir said, curled up on the rooftop below him. "I can't fight him."

"Wha-what the heck, alley cat?!" Honey Bee demanded. "We can finally take care of this guy!"

"Chat Noir?! Are you okay?" Ladybug asked, concerned.

Chat Noir sobs and he looks at Honey Bee. "Chloe, its my father."

"What?" Ladybug and Honey Bee said in unison.

"It's my father. Its my father and...and his wish has to be to bring back mom, what else would he wish for and its...its my parents!"

"Oh my god," Ladybug breathed.

"Adrien," Honey Bee said, voice small. "Oh....oh, Adrien."

And like a switch, the ready to fight Honey Bee was kneeling beside him and pulling him to her, hugging him tight. "Chloe, I can't-" Chat Noir gasped.

"Shhh," Honey Bee hushed, holding him close. "Cry. Scream. You let everything out," she said, with a familiarity of someone who has done this before.

Marinette watched as the dread grows in her chest. Chloe had been Adrien's only friend. Who was there for him after his mother, but Chloe?

"I'll be here. I'll stay. I won't leave you," Honey Bee said, voice softer than Marinette has ever heard her speak.

And Chat Noir?

Wails. He cries and clings onto Honey Bee as if it was the only thing he could to keep from falling apart.

Ladybug watches in silent horror. Marinette can understand because she's going through the same emotions. Adrien was Chat Noir. Hawk Moth was his father. He had catacalysmed his own father. His father had chosen villainy than being a father and he knew it. Everytime Chat Noir had almost died because of his own father.

It had taken a minute before Ladybug moved to join the hug, to offer Chat Noir was comfort he could.

Luckily they were high on the Eiffel tower, too far for anyone to hear them.

They don't fight Monarch that night.

Chloe makes up as many excuses as she can to get Adrien out of his house, gets her father to ask Gabriel for an assortment of advertisements for political things and his hotel, to get Adrien outside of the house and allow Chloe to pull him away to spend time together.

The other Marinette watches from the distance. For about a week and Marinette decides this was it.

Ladybug tells them who she is.

"I had a crush on Marinette Dupain-Cheng this whole time?!" Chloe had wailed.

Not the most shocking revelation for Marinette this trip.

But still certainly another thing to add to the list.

Then Risk happened.

Despite Lila's shaky grounds in the school, Gabriel still had her as a model and the world tour was announced. Marinette doesn't see Adrien relent to Gabriel's face and immediately run away. Didn't see Felix being surprised at Adrien's actions. Didn't see Felix follow him to Chloe's home to look normal. Doesn't see the confrontation where Felix sneaks up pretending to be Adrien who had to run back to the car. Doesn't see him eavesdrop and hear them talk about Monarch.

Marinette does see when her other self is called and asked that Ladybug meets at Chloe's place and learns there's a time limit.

Because Adrien is a Sentimonster and Gabriel still had half of his amok, split between two objects. Felix could give half to Adrien, but it would just give him the ability to resist, it meant he couldn't fight. They needed the other ring.

Adrien knows where it is, but Gabriel likely still had the peacock on him.

"If I could offer him something for the peacock, I can keep him distracted as you get the ring," Felix said.

"But we don't have anything to offer him," Ladybug said.

"You have the Miraculous," Felix said.

"Absolutely no-" Ladybug started.

"Pollen, do you trust me?" Chloe, who had been quiet for most of the discussion, finally spoke up, looking to the bee kwami.

"Of course, my Queen," Pollen said.

Chloe nodded, reaching up for her hair comb.

"Chloe, you can't be serious! I've only met Felix and as far as I could tell, he was trying to make things worse for Adrien!" Ladybug protested.

"Oh, I don't trust Felix to be a good person," Chloe said, pulling off her comb. "But he wants the peacock to protect himself," she said, giving him a hard look. "The best way to do that is to get the peacock. He won't let Gabriel leave his sight until he has it. And I'm going to guess Gabriel isn't going to give in easily. He is a stubborn man," she said.

Felix raised an eyebrow. "A fair assessment."

"You don't let Gabriel leave until you have the peacock. Adrien will go with Ladybug to get his Amok. And I'm going to do the back up plan in case Felix outs Plagg following Gabriel to wherever he's storing his Miraculous," she said. "Pollen, I renounce you."

"Wait, you don't trust him?!" Adrien asked.

"Absolutely not," Chloe said as she held out the comb to Felix.

Felix stared a moment, and then he chuckled. "You did always know what my dark thought was," he said. "Not that I was going to this time."

"Sure," Chloe said, heading for the door. "Call me when you have the plan going," she said.

Chloe left and Felix looked at Adrien and Ladybug. "Adrien, I understand, but I'm surprised you took her on," he said.

Ladybug stared after the door. "...Adrien had a good point about her," he said. Someone who could act without her.

So the plan was Adrien would get the ring back from Nathalie, first with seeming curiosity about the heirloom. If that didn't work, Ladybug could force the issue. Felix, meanwhile, would use the comb to get Gabriel in a dealing mood along with a fake ring as extra leverage. He would draw it out until Adrien texted him they were good, in hopes Gabriel would go to where the rest of the Miraculous were with Plagg following behind.

The plan...well, it isn't entirely on the rails because Adrien has Risk on him. He pushes too far too soon, and Nathalie puts together the goal and Adrien isn't careful when she tries to escape.

Nearly goes over the balcony and Adrien, in a Risk mindset, calls for Plagg anyway to save her. Outing his own identity to save Nathalie, but he was able to grab his amok. The leash was gone, but Gabriel was a free agent and while Adrien found his mother, he hadn't found the Miraculous.

The fight breaks out.

Marinette is terrified. Is this going to be another Chat Blanc? Will Gabriel break Adrien like Marinette's love had done?

Nathalie is Akumatized, and with a prototype alliance ring, given the power to multiple along with the tiger's power and bull's immunity. Nathalie outs Adrien and Chat Noir demands to face his father and Monarch decides that find. If his son wants to fight, then he'll need to take him down for his own good and he turns to get the rest of the kwami's power.

Only to see Chloe holding the comb from where he put it down, and Markov having opened and released the rest of the kwami. Without the kwami in the capsules, the modified Miraculous aren't strong enough to pull them in. The sacrifice for making the remote effect of granting power.

With an insult to his outfit, Chloe jumps down the elevator that leads to the lair, kwami flying off behind her as she transforms with Pollen to regroup with the others. Nathalie still has a lot of powers and Monarch as a few, but there is Ladybug, Chat Noir, and Honey Bee to fight.

Along with Argos. He wasn't going to say NO to fighting his uncle.

The fight wrecks Adrien's house, but with Argos granting sentimonster aids, they have the ability to fight back and bring Gabriel to his knees.

"I could bring her back. To us. To you." Gabriel said, looking to Adrien.

Because while Adrien wasn't being compelled, there was no doubt he wasn't fighting as hard as he wanted. There have been missteps that Honey Bee and Ladybug had to make up, along with the sentimonster aids. Adrien had his will, but that didn't mean he was without his love and his wanting to be a good son.

"This...father, you have to realize this is...this is..." Chat Noir starts, gripping his staff.

"I did this all for you. Don't you miss her?" Gabriel pleaded, his one avenue for success, and his desperate wish.

"Of course, but-"

"You think she wanted this?!" Honey Bee shouted, stepping up beside Chat Noir, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Auntie Emilie was protective, the both of you kept Adrien locked up way too long, but you think she would have EVER approved of you hurting Adrien?! How many Akumas attacked him?! Attacked him ON PURPOSE?!"

"I-I didn't want-"

"Bullshit!" Honey Bee shouted, to the shock of Ladybug and Chat Noir and even Gabriel a little bit.

Argos just looked amused.

"Who do you think was there for Adrien when you were locking yourself away?! Nathalie was more concerned for you, and Gorilla just wanted to keep him safe, but who was there when he cried?! Me! I was! I watched him mourn his mother! I watched him wish you would be there! I'm the one who blackmailed the principal to get him into school because he was withering away because you were too selfish to be there for him!" Honey Bee shouted.

"Honey Bee-" Ladybug started and Marinette understands. This can't be helping Adrien. He's already suffering.

Honey Bee squeezes Chat Noir's shoulder and she steps forward. "You say this is all for Adrien?! That you did all this for him! Don't make me laugh! He might not see it, but I know who you are Gabriel. You wanted a perfect son, one who acted just as you wanted, to the point he twisted and morphed himself into what YOU wanted! Do you know he likes puns? Do you know his favorite stories are the ones where the power of friendship is what saves the day? That his favorite flavor is passionfruit, that he actually really hates cheese, but of course no one bats an eye when he's asking for it by the truckload. Do you know how lonely he was? Do you know how many times he wiped his face clean because he thought he was going to meet you for dinner?!"

Honey Bee closes the distance between him, a fire in her eyes. "Do you know the reason why Adrien and I love each other is partly because we get it, we understand that even though our parents are terrible, awful, horrible people who make us feel small, who make us feel less than nothing, we still love them!" She shouted, tears in her own eyes. "That even as she want to rebel and scream and tell you enough, we can't because we love you too much. But guess what?! Adrien can call my mother a bitch because he can just hate her and I can call you out for your hypocrisy because I don't care what you think about me!"

That actually startles Chat Noir out of his curling, vulnerable state with a surprised laugh.

"You attacked Adrien! You sent the girl he wondered if he could date after him with a sword! You had his stalker show up at his party! You targeted all his new classmates! You can't even throw him a birthday party so you akumatize his new friend to do it, its fine, its just a little mass kidnapping! You attacked his best friend and almost killed me more times than I can count and you tried to groom me into your little minion! Not to mention whatever is going on with Lila the Liar! You talk about how you have to protect him from people who would use him, so yeah, go on a world tour with a girl who does NOTHING, but use people, you can read people's emotions and akumatized her, you had to know she was a little psycho!" Honey Bee reaches out, grabbing his scarf.

"This. Was never about Adrien. This is about what you wanted the world to be, and it didn't matter if Adrien was hurt or miserable. As long as you. Got. Your. Wish," Honey Bee snarled.

Before snatching away the Butterfly and letting him go and turning to Ladybug.

There was silence as everyone tried to think of the best way to move forward. The fight was done. The good guys had won. The villains were there, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"And...it didn't have to be that way," Honey Bee finally said. She looked to Ladybug and then to Adrien. "When people hurt, when they are willing or...or want to hurt things because they can't deal with the pain...having other people around, to tell them its okay...it can make a world of difference."

Marinette sees the scene and she understand then, why Chloe is like this. Why Adrien had meant so much to her.

How lonely had Chloe been? How much had the pain of it made her the villain she had acted?

How much had Gabriel taken advantage of that and how much had Marinette enabled it?

Chat Noir met Honey Bee's gaze. Then he looked to Ladybug, face questioning. Looking for permission. Ladybug hesitates, before she nods.

Chat Noir takes a deep breath, and lets it out, looking to Gabriel. "We...we have to tell the police," he said, voice soft.

"Adrien-"

"Stop." Chat Noir's tone is firm, straightening his shoulders. "If you turn yourself in, then...then we can talk. We can talk and try to work things out. We can still be a family. Get some therapy. Let's be fair, we're...we're rich enough that you can probably get a cushy place in jail," Chat Noir said, some of his humor slipping in to try and deal.

Gabriel opens his mouth, closes it again.

"...please. Dad. I don't want to fight you anymore."

"But who will take care of you?" Gabriel finally asked.

"Nathalie and Gorilla. She's already sick. She won't be able to do any villainy on her own, and Mayura was only involved in a few incidents. She can keep our affairs in order. Gorilla will keep me safe," Adrien said. "To be honest, father, it wouldn't be very different."

Gabriel opens his mouth, looks like he wants to fight.

Before he deflates. He can't. He can't with Adrien looking at him like that.

The fight ends. Gabriel is arrested. Nathalie says she was coerced and given a sentencing as a mix of fines and community service.

The fight ended, Marinette was able to fix the Miraculous, and Su-Han congratulates them on solving the problem. Time passes.

Adrien mourns. He had bad days. But he has his friends. He has Marinette and Chloe. He has Plagg. He is given support, allowed to recover, and work with Felix to understand what it means to be a sentimonster.

But after a while, he is able to visit his father. The process is slow, but they start to talk.

Emilie is put to rest.

Marinette brings a cake to Chloe.

"What is this for?" Chloe demanded.

"To thank you. For everything," Marinette said. "You know, I wasn't sure if Honey Bee would really work out..."

"I guess it makes more sense why you were so stingy," Chloe muttered.

"But I'm glad Adrien talked me into it," she said, smiling at Chloe. "You had some rough patches, but...we wouldn't have gotten to the end without you," she said.

Chloe preened at that. "Well, of course! I knew I would be a fantastic hero!" She said. "Even if I...was...admittedly not so good at being a good person," she said. Something she wouldn't have admitted months ago. But she had grown a lot.

"No. But there was good there," Marinette said. "I also wanted to thank you, for letting me meet Adrien. For being there for him when no one else was. I think you always had the ability to be a hero. YOu just needed...a chance to shine."

Chloe blushes at that. "Well...I mean...it did make it easier. To shine. With you and alley cat," she said.

"You're really still going to call him that?" Marinette asked.

"You can't tell me the pout he does isn't cute!" Chloe shot back.

Marinette laughed. "Well...maybe a little."

A chance to shine.

Marinette sees the dream end and she wonders if maybe that's what she really needed to do.

Let people shine instead of trying to light up the world on her own.

[kaasiand]

first I designed japanese glyphs for comic sans

now I'm designing japanese glyphs for my own cool kickass font for my racing game Accelerogue. don't say Wip3out. I know.

(would love to hear opinions on this from native readers of japanese)

[redo-rewind-if]

Finally got that sneak peek for y'all! Most of what's redacted is just pronoun variables and the like except for that little part at the end. But surely that's nothing important right? 😇

[sol-consort]

we're back on ibuprofen boys

[raayllum]

The way he's not but then he looks at her, and sees that she's okay, so at least momentarily, he is too. His eyes / expression just getting perpetually softer. And this is, I think, the one time in the season other than the stargaze "head on shoulder" touch that Rayla initiates in the whole season as well

But like - of course, he's not okay

And the final hesitation before he takes his hands - unclasping them, now 'stained' more than ever - and hugs her back, because he won't refuse her comfort

After all, he did this for her:

AARON: But yeah, I think you're—you’re right in characterizing it as it’s certainly a more complex, you know, justification that is required to pursue dark magic. And there are some people who would not accept that justification. But what’s interesting about it is, you know, the questions, there are questions, you can you can come out on either side of it. You know, there are cases, you know, would Rayla have died if Callum hadn’t used dark magic? Yeah. I think she would have.  So did he have to? Are we thankful that he did? Thank goodness—well yes, we love Rayla! Well of course we needed him to do that. You know what I mean? Then there’s some kind of morality that sometimes is based on your attachment. Now if you said, should Callum use dark magic to save one person, knowing that he'll—he may be corrupted for the long term and his potential to be, you know, a hero in the future may be altered and his potential to be manipulated or you know, go down the wrong path, all that risk to save one person? Well, now you might say, “Oh no he shouldn’t—for one person?” But then if I go, “But it was Rayla!” then you go “Oh no, [laughs] yeah, he needs to do it!” [KUNO laughs] So I don’t know. But it’s also even that, right? It comes down to “well, in that moment, what did he do?” Well in that moment, he took like a—I-I think the ingredient is a piece of a snake rattle [...] “He didn’t even kill it, it was already dead, it was already dead man, what did he do?” Well, I don’t know. He supported the system, so it is complex. It’s worth arguing about, a bit. There’s not a clear right or wrong. There are risks. There are long term consequences. Those are baked into it. But I don’t know. When—when it’s your Mom in trouble, what do you do? You do the dark magic! You save Mom, right? I do.

—Hot Brown Morning Potion Podcast interview with Aaron Ehasz and Villads Spansberg