#we're talking psychological wounds

[mindsafe]

❰❰ MEDIC ❱❱ sender bandages receiver’s wounds / for annie & reiner

@chaoslulled || from [ X ] || CLOSED

THE FEMALE TITAN was a project, handcrafted with versatility in mind // it is only fitting that annie should be its last inheritor.

a bittersweet farewell; a curse lifted. annie is free of the invisible noose that would gradually tighten around her neck. going forward, this life belongs to her, && her exclusively.

she will have to adapt.

she cannot go home. the brick && mortar holdfast that once contained her was reduced to rubble && ash; her beloved woodland haunt was consumed by fire && smoke. in time, nature would heal, && the sun would smile upon new growth. songbirds would return to make their nests && raise their young. annie cannot wait that long.

she will have to adapt.

THE LONE WOLF ( defanged, declawed, deformed ) finds her place among the rest of the survivors: ackerman, arlert, kirstein, springer, && some others. regardless of past loyalties, they ( mostly ) accept her as one of their own. much like herself, their hands have been defiled by war. those same hands, including her own, would chart an uncertain future.

she will have to adapt.

her inheritance abides like a phantom limb. THE FEMALE TITAN is no longer a part of her, yet its pervasive presence continues to haunt her: there is an instance where a common housefly encroaches on personal space, flying too close to the nape of her neck. muscle memory dictates the motions of her hand - reflexes have dulled, she notices; more recently, annie nicks herself peeling potatoes for supper. even in times of peace, she somehow ends up with blood on her hands. the laceration is shallow. if there is pain, annie does not register it. she waits patiently for flesh to mend, as it always has. it doesn't. an unstinting reminder of what it means to be more than HUMAN: she was once harder than diamond // now she is more fragile than glass.

she will have to adapt.

it is reiner who finds her in this state of vulnerability, coming to terms with a newfound lack of purpose. annie looks over at him, glassy-eyed. there was a time where she hated him; && she was certain the feeling was mutual. but if lived experiences have taught her one thing, it's that hatred is exhausting.

❝ do you know where the first-aid kit is? ❞ annie feels stupid for asking; she feels stupid for feeling stupid. she half-expects an unfunny joke at her expense, for failing at something so simple. for being careless ( how ironic ). for anything. but that version of reiner was one of many casualties.

just like the version of herself that possessed the will to fight back.

[devondespresso]

(found this bad boy in my drafts and honestly i loved reading it again so we're gonna post it. wahoo)

my personal canon for post-starcourt stobin is that they're actually inseparable for the first month or so

im talking steve taken to the hospital for his injuries and the staff having to force them apart and call security. im talking they have to drag robin kicking and screaming to a different room because last time Steve left her sight he was dragged back lifeless and presumably dead (i firmly believe they intentionally used physical torture for steve and to use his condition for psychological torture for robin)

and steve waking up half-present in a cold plain room alone? might as well be back in the bunker. and if theres doctors trying to run tests and examine his wounds? might as well be Russian soldiers standing over him and touching his injuries. hurting him again. possibly planning to hurt Robin next.

and now hospital staff are trying to deal with two screaming desperate teenagers who keep begging for the other in between rambles of nonsense and they can't run tests or do their jobs or even get answers from them because all these two seem to care about is the other teen

so they don't really have any practical choices other than moving them to a combined room. and they still freak out every now and then but having the other in the room keeps these outbursts much shorter and doctors are able to actually run tests and help these kids as long as they're close together. And when Robins blood tests and everything come back ok and shes able to be discharged, shes given special permission to stay in the room at all times

and the two little kids that came in with them? they're not exactly freaking out quite like the teens but they're certainly not making things easy either. Ericas testing the willpower of any doctor or nurse she can speak to and both kids stay as close as they can at all times and refuse to leave the hospital. visiting hours over? they're in the waiting room, even convinced a couple to move so they can have seats closest to the hall that teens room is in. try to call their parents? good luck getting a full name or number out of them. once their parents do come get them they're showing back up in an hour, bikes lodged in the bike rack and back in their seats. they've been stopped for sneaking in several times and caught hiding under one of the teens beds even more often. eventually staff just gets tired of spending half their shift wrangling two middle schoolers and it becomes an unspoken agreement to just ignore them hiding in the room.

And once Steve is discharged its the same thing all over again. Robins parents were worried about her spending all her time in the hospital with the boy from her summer job, but given the cover story about the fire and the pair getting trapped inside they convinced themselves its reasonable to want to stay by your friends side while they recover

but now that hes out, shes asking if she can spend the night at his house? and his parents won't be there? absolutely not. except robins in no mindset to accept leaving him alone for this long let alone overnight so she tried sneaking out to bike over to his before he can get the dumb idea to drive over in the middle of the night post-concussion. but the buckleys notice shes gone either because she makes too much noise sneaking out or they notice the severe lack of Robin-trying-to-be-quiet noises into the night (robin my tism queen definitely has bump-into-shit syndrome in the middle of the night but she also doesn't make any noise sneaking around the base with scoops troop so i think it's a 50/50 weather she can use the adrenaline to sneak out to see steve quietly)

so they put two and two together and drive over to the Harrington house. steve answers the door and calls robin over, both of them looking sheepish but not exactly guilty. they talk on steves couch (yes Steves there too) and stobin does their best to explain their separation anxiety that gets the severity across without getting them sent to a mental hospital all while making sure not to break any ndas (which ends up being a long conversation with stobin trying to translate their experience in the bunker to fit the cover story well enough, which is very different when the real story is kidnapping and the fake one is a building fire)

eventually they reach an understanding of "we're worried this is kinda unhealthy but its clearly more stressful to try and separate you right now and we're definitely not going to be able to stop you" so they compromise to let steve stay at the buckleys for a little bit so they can at least keep an eye on them. at first they try just letting steve sleep on the couch (which they agree to because steve worried about overstepping as the guest in their house) but one or both of them have nightmares the first night and robin ends up on the couch with him anyway.

after a few nights they get the gist of the stobin dynamic: attached so strongly its concerning but nothing... flirty. anything they do is always completely innocent. hand holding with no heart eyes, banter with no tension, hell even sharing a bed they resemble little kids in a sleepover pile more than lovers. and especially after nightmares they'll find robin holding steve like hes just one of her old teddy bears.

of course theyre still cautious and have their suspicions that theyre secretly dating and just really good at hiding it, they're paranoid parents after all and robins never shown this much attention to a boy ever. but they do relax a bit with it as they're more confident theres no... funny business.. going on. or at the very least nothing thats going to leave robin hurt. they'll have their talks and robin will promise its "nothing like that", but they've grown to like steve so they're sure robin will come to them when shes ready.

now if only there was a reasonable explanation for the middle schoolers that keep showing up. apparently they were also trapped in the fire with robin and steve which helps make some sense of it, but they also sat with them in the hospital. surely if they're having nightmares about the fire they'd go to their parents? they hadn't really talked much with the sinclairs but they seemed like very loving parents and robin follows steve to his little dinners with mrs Henderson pretty often so its not likely that they can't go to their parents about nightmares, but they seem to prefer going to steve specifically. like ringing the Buckley's doorbell at 1 in the morning asking if steves there. and of course they'll let them in and show them to robins room (after calling their parents first, do they even know their childs run off?) where steve was sleeping in a pallet on the floor but is now a glorified blanket pile robins hugging. on her bed, of course. because god forbid theres 2 feet of space between them.

and the kid just joins them in their sleepover pile, dustin usually clinging to steves other side like a baby koala and erica usually finding a spot leaning against robin or occasionally making room in between them

and so more often than not the Buckley's have not one, not two, but three extra children in their house that isn't their daughter, all of them sleeping in a pile on robins bed like theres nowhere else they'd rather be

[the1northlanderprincess]

And in the Darkness, bind them...Pt 2

Welcome back, folks. We're going to pick up after Sauron is done shifting figures.

Sauron finally has been able to gain the upper hand on Galadriel after she is knocked to the ground. Then he starts monologuing as he prowls around her. He says he can see her mind. When she gets up he faces her, and he tells her that the door is still. Look at this face. He's so sure of himself, hopeful, and maybe even a little prideful.

But she says it's shut, and kicks him in the face, which felt a bit out of style for her. Maybe that's the point. He comes at her more aggressively than ever before, and he actually lets out a yell in anger, which I honestly think needed to happen. Sometimes it just feels good to let it out. It was kind of hot, too, not gonna lie. And yet, when Gal regains her confidence and strikes his face yet again, he hangs back and waits for her. She charges, and he immediately returns the favor. He again shoves her against a wall, but she's trapped this time. He stabs her with the spike of his crown. Gal is stunned. Then we get this face from Sauron.

Devastatingly beautiful expression (or is it the other way around?). He honestly looks (again) like he'll cry. As he tells her he wouldn't have rested until everyone adored her, he sounds breathless again. He is completely remorseful at what he's just done. Him dragging her over is...something else. It's twistingly intimate. Especially with how he raises his chain towards her; getting close to her but pulling it back. It's calculated, and a tease.

Now, if Sauron was a little less crazed (like he clearly shows as he waits for her to retort), I could have ALMOST seen him replace his left hand on the crown with his right, and then use the left to grasp her shoulder to make more of a connection to what he's saying.

I have to talk about Galadriel's emotions for a minute. Before she speaks, tears escape. She's in physical pain, that's for certain. However, I want to say that she's feeling inner turmoil, as well. Like, how could you do this to me? Aside from her outbursts of anger, it's the most emotion she's shown over this whole thing (since the S1 finale).

I don't know much about elven psychology and the like, but, I feel that Galadriel needs to really allow herself to fully mourn the hurt of his betrayal and the love she felt. This all goes back to why it's important to have actual emotional conversations between the couple, no matter where they're at in the relationship.

It's time for the moment you've been waiting for: the cliff!

Okay, so, Gal has fallen to the ground after Sauron releases her. He prowls around, then he speaks to her telepathically for the very first time. He's a little stern and demanding when he asks for Nenya. When Gal rises, he asks her again, but it's a little softer. Yet, his eyes are so piercing. Sauron really wants her to hand the ring over to him willingly. Do we think if she actually did, would he have healed her wound, or leave her alone? It's something we should discuss more.

When Galadriel takes off her ring and throws his question back at him, seemingly seeking truth. This is his answer. He looks positively overjoyed, and he even starts tearing up. Not only does this convey that he believes she's starting to get it, but it's also a common expression you see in the face of a person being told (most of the time it's a woman) they are everything. For Sauron, it would certainly be everything if the lady elf he loves understands and accepts his grand vision.

Then we get that line. Sigh.

Anyway, as Galadriel falls back he is stunned, and possibly terrified. Tell me he isn't afraid of what will happen to her.

There has been some controversy over whether or not he was reaching for her or the ring. In this still, I think she has already fallen. If he was truly concerned about the ring, would he have this utter terror on his face or stretch out his hand to save her even if it was too late? Yeah, I don't think so.

One thing I would like to point out is the music as Galadriel steps off. Now, it is most likely part of Gal's motif, but there is a similar scale in the intro to Halbrand's theme. Is it a coincidence? I'm not sure, but I do know composers like to use motifs multiple times, especially if they want to tie things together.

Finally, we're at the end. Sauron just stabbed Glug after being debriefed. He had been pacing by the edge of the cliff, looking down at where Gal fell. After glaring off an orc, he turns back with a solemn, far off gaze, and I think in the subsequent shots are obvious that he's using his supersight to check up on her.

Another music-related thing I'd like to point out is the slow, melancholic variation of her theme when we first see Gal laying on the ground in Sauron-vision. It's like the scene in The Swan Princess when Prince Derek finds a dying Odette.

Again, it's probably just the shipper goggles talking, but I feel as if there's a significance that we're hearing this lovely music as he's looking at her from afar, probably wishing that things were different and she makes it out all right. Because, although he may have forced her to touch the darkness, I don't believe he'd really want all of her light extinguished from the world, no matter how mad he is.

[eldritch-spouse]

Belo my lovely silkie chicken I just wanna collect his fur and make a nice cozy sweater with it 💕

also I was going through your world building post and one thing I noticed is that Saiders are very heavy with punishments: humans who practiced magic without their say so, angels who had big disagreements, etc would all get severe punishments what would that look like?

[Belo sweater would be the most comfortable thing you've ever worn in a while and probably help when you're going through health/mood lows.]

Siadar are extremely heavy with punishment, regardless of who or what that punishment is targeted towards. They're harsh with angels, they're harsh with humanity, they're harsh with their own kind and they continue to be harsh elsewhere, to their newer projects.

The top of their hierarchy will find a million and one ways to justify the intensity of their punitive force, so it's not as if the siadar themselves see their actions as cruel. Neither do angels, as beings with very defined purposes instilled into them since birth (and no real biological or psychological reason to break them). In fact, humanity itself, devoid of any moral compass created by its own species, absorbed the moral compass of siadars for practically the entire duration there was interlevel contact. So many humans understood and accepted the punishments they saw happen or were subjected to as normal.

Now, humanity isn't very magically inclined by default. The species was designed to have less "magnetism" to that type or energy, to reject it, so the humans that are out there practicing it in that period of time are already deviants in some form or another. This means we're probably talking about a collection of "infractions" already committed by the humans in question. Death is a very likely outcome here. Or, at the very least, the removal of reproductive abilities, so that this particular human -If they happen to biologically be more attuned to magic than they should be- Cannot spread that ability to any descendants.

The sight of a particularly magically talented human is reason enough for siadar authorities to investigate other highers in charge of monitoring human populations, in the effort of judging whether or not a human was directly tampered with in forbidden ways.

Angels are a very organized species, to say the least. Out of most non-humans out there, these would be the individuals that are least likely to ever question their place in life, to ponder on concepts bigger than their routines and duties, or even seriously entertain intrusive thoughts. They're a lot more likely to report their own perceived defective symptoms to assigned siadars than they are to attempt to act on them. It's worth noting that angels also monitor each other, especially the ones of Worshipper rank, and will easily report suspicious behavior. They aren't malicious in this evaluation, but they're unwilling to cover up serious situations.

Big disagreements between angels, although rare (until the time Betrayer seeded doubt into the minds of some celestials), aren't very likely to escalate into angel-on-angel physical violence. In spite of any bubbling emotion, they're still practically hardwired to respect rank differences and have internalized that harming another angel is harming their kind altogether. These disagreements can entirely halt the productivity of many tasks if the celestials involved have equal standing in terms of authority. In these instances, both will eventually request the opinion of the nearest unoccupied siadar.

Angels are a self-punitive species as well. They'll perceive their failures -Even if not directly their fault- as punishment worthy and will inflict wounds on themselves or deprive themselves of participation on anything until they are "forgiven" by their highers. Celestials can and will die simply from feeling that they are consistently failing, becoming lethargic and weak until they simply perish.

[drawbauchery]

Yeah, I've noticed there tend to be two general ways of doing Izuru -- one of them is as a plural sort of situation with him and Hajime, which is probably what those people who are asking where he is are talking about; but the other one, which I'm guessing is closer to what you're doing, is that Izuru wasn't so much a separate personality as he was a wound, the product of whatever the hell the Hope's Peak people did and sheer trauma making Hajime completely detach from himself psychologically. I'd say the Hajime we're seeing here isn't so much two personalities in one body as he is a synthesis of his pre- and post-Izuru states of being (the thesis and antithesis, if you will). They are now one and the same.

THIS!!!! THIS THIS THIS

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. Hi ! I sincerely thank you for this blog and love it 💖. For the next itmf can you please recommend a) some modern world fics where either wwx / lwj come out to their families and are met by homophobia ( outright or passive ) and the other comforts them ? Bonus points if they confront the homophobic family members and make them see sense .

b) Hi! For the next itmf can I get a rec where wwx gets some closure regarding Jiang yanli's death ? Like it's her ghost or some dreams or some gods interfering? As i see her death was still an open wound post canon even so it will be really nice . It can even be jyl resurrected or something along those lines but it should be like after wwx resurrection .Thank you ! @beingdesiandqueer

1A)

a new kind of silence by deliciousblizzardshark (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, Autistic LWJ, Communication Disorder, Trans LWJ, Protective WWX, Pregnant LWJ, Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Soft WangXian, POV WWX) That's also one where WY opens the door and lz is there in the rain because lq reacted badly to him coming out and they later have to go get his stuff but I can't find it or the title I'll update if I find it

Caught Up In All This Bitterness by thunderwear (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, LQR’s A+ Parenting)

Mad about the Boy by TriviasFolly (M, 62k, WangXian, 1950s America, Greaser WWX, Historical Smoking, Historical Viewpoints, Angst, Internal Struggle, Pre-Relationship, Historical Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, sexual awakenings, Sexual exploration, small town gays, Self discovery journey, Self love journey, gay acadamia, Song fic, teenage dramatics, smoll angst)

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

1B)

is fan comic sufficient? Its not exactly a closure but more WWX trying to deal with his past

Discontented series by LaivineNinuiel (T, 85k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, JC & WWX & JYL, Night Hunts, Demonic Cultivation, Changing POVs, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Pining, Bloodbath of Nightless City, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Case Fic, yunmeng siblings reconciliation, Getting Together, Love Confessions, First Kiss)

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2. Hi🌸 Do you know any fics where the cultivation world find out about wei ying beimg captured and in the burial mounds and his no golden core. They realise they musjudged him?

I'm Sorry & Thank You by Iamnotawriter (T, 12k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Golden Core, Canon-Typical Violence, lqr's epipheny, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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3. Olá, tudo bem ? Você tem uma sugestão de Fic numa dinâmica beta e ômega? (Eng translation using translate.com: Hello, how are you? Do you have a suggestion of Fic in a beta and omega dynamic?) @silvanagomes87

sacrifice by quillifer (E, 9k, WangXian, light pain kink, Heat/rut, A/B/O Dynamics, A/B/O, light mythology insp, canon setting au, Slight Dirty Talk, very minor pregnancy kink, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Omega LWJ, Beta WWX)

A Sword With No Hilt by Deastar (E, 17k, wangxian, rape/non-con, canon divergence, ABO, beta/omega, omega LWJ, beta WWX, Qíshān Wēn Indoctrination, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, I wouldn't say we're quite in dead dove territory but this is a heavy one so proceed with caution, Guilt, Shame, Psychological Trauma, Non-Consensual Humiliation, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, this universe's version of rape culture turned up to 11) this one contains a lot of sexual trauma but it is VERY good and shows how they try to heal together in the aftermath

The Dare by Deastar (E, 16k, wangxian, ABO, beta/omega, omega WWX, beta LWJ, canon divergence, two self-sacrificing idiots go on a journey of self-discovery through the medium of marathon sex, unapologetically a fix-it, Post-Sunshot) This one is also a LITTLE angsty but mostly very sweet

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4. For the next intmf post your favourite 10-20k getting together fics? Modern or canon era ! (Preferably top!lz)

And Yet Here You Are by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Cloud Recesses, settling down, Separation Anxiety, Teacher WWX, very light angst, Chief Cultivator LWJ)

The Fault in Our Stars by Vamillepudding (T, 17k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Romantic Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Misunderstandings, the title makes it sound like a cancer story, it's not a cancer story)

I'll meet you coming backwards by ilip13 (E, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, Time Travel, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Mostly soft fluff though, First Meetings, Mildly Dubious Consent, Blow Jobs, the mortifying ordeal of waking up and discovering you have a husband)

heart like a haunted house by Sanguis (E, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, casefic, Witches, Haunted House, Magical Realism, Mild Gore, Pining, Getting Together, Explicit Sex)

simple love | 簡單愛 by auberjing (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Strangers to Lovers, Caretaking, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Grief/Mourning, Smut, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Nude Photos, Nude Modeling)

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5. Thank you so much for your hard work! I have a request for an ITMF but I don't even know if it exists! I'm hoping for some sort of time loop/groundhog day fix-it type WangXian fic. Any ideas? @greywake

Wearing Down Every Bone by CSHfic, VSfic (E, 30k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Pining, Getting Together, Time Travel, Night Hunts, Hurt wwx, Mystery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Use Your Words, Mutual Pining, Depression and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gratuitous use of empathy)

Respair by donutsweeper (T, 9k, WangXian, Time Loop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Night Hunts, Resentful Energy, Post-Canon)

the cycle of regret by KouriArashi (T, 14k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Wearing Down Every Bone by CSHfic, VSfic (E, 30k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Pining, Getting Together, Time Travel, Night Hunts, Hurt wwx, Mystery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Use Your Words, Mutual Pining, Depression and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gratuitous use of empathy) haven't read this one yet but have heard good things!

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6. Hi! ITMF supportive/protective Madame Yu? She doesn't have to be outrageously kind and sweet and ooc, but I would love to see her take on a bit of a helpful motherly role to WWX, JC, and JY, and I would LOVE to see her teach them to fight or protect them.

some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending) she isn't the focus and just a background character in this one but i loved the scenes she had with wwx

❤️ the thing with feathers by RoseThorne  (G, 43k, wangxian, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Fear, Recovery, Sharing a Bed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Sexual Tension, Arranged Marriage, Grief, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect)

A Mother's Love by FirefliesNLightningBugs (M, 168k, WIP, WangXian, ChengQing, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Mostly combo of the Untamed and MoDaoZuShi timelines, Unreliable Narrator, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Miscommunication, Family Feels, PTSD, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Political Intrigue, Mystery, POV Multiple, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Genderbent WWX, Intersex WWX, not a/b/o, POV Original Character, Expanded Universe, Unplanned Pregnancy, Golden Core Reveal, WWX Has No Golden Core, YLLZ WWX, Getting Together, MXY Lives) kinda does this, tho madam yu is definitely influenced by her own motivations, rather than just kindness of her heart

Therefore, You Should Get To Know Him First by FlorQuinnUwU (G, 41k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Out of Character, For reasons, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Family Feels, Family Bonding, Sunshot Campaign, Good Sibling JC, Good Sibling WWX, Good Parents JFM and YZY, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels)

Zephyrs Blowing Below the Violet by Comfect (T, 64k, FengYuan, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Bad to Good Parenting, cursing, Anger Management, No Golden Core Transfer, Bad Parent YZY, Good Parent YZY, POV YZY, YZY Learning and Adapting, Not Everything Ends Up Sad, Happy Ending, YZY & JFM Live)

Sun Stained Lotus by MidnightLightHowlite (T, 70k, wangxian, YZY&WWX, good parent YZY, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, miscommunication)

🧡 Heaven Has No Rage by flipfloppandas (M, 51k, WWX & YZY, JFM/YZY,  implied wangxian, WWX/WC, WWX/others, rape/non-con, modern, hurt/comfort, protective YZY, good parent YZY, hospitals, medical procedures, vomiting, trauma)

The Spider and Hound by Alexirose (T, 29k, YZY/WRH, wangxian, JC/LXC, JYL/NMJ, canon divergence, slow burn, Likeable YZY, Motherly instincts and love, JFM is confusing, YZY badass mother, YZY scoldings, Good Parent YZY, Angst, Cultivation World DRAMA, JGS Bashing, Changed WC, WLJ Bashing, Shy WX, WRH Redemption-ish, Hot WRH, Blood and more blood, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Dry Humor, YZY & WZL friendship, intimacy, YZY pov, Hurt/Eventual Comfort, Trauma, Protective YZY, JFM & YZY argue, Psychological Trauma, Psychological Drama, Hallucinations, POV WRH, New Cultivation/Magic, WIP)

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7. Hello! Thank you for finding all these different fics it makes my reading experience much better! I've been wanting to find found family-esque fics of wangxian (or just lwj) raising or taking care of or being parental figures to Sizhui AND Jingyi! Thank you once again for this page and all that you do <3 @elymansss

Seen and not heard by eatmyass (E, 51k, WangXian, Case Fic, No Sunshot Campaign, AU in canon setting, Kid Fic, dadxian, Strangers to Lovers, Found Family, POV LWJ, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Falling in love in metaphors)

and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Angst with a Happy Ending)

oh, these are real things by typefortydeductions (E, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, The Porn Is the Plot, Kink Negotiation, Under-negotiated Kink, Safewording, Light BDSM, Dom/sub, Fisting, Sex Crying, lil bit of gender stuff, Panic Attacks, Top Drop)

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8. hello! for the next itmf, do you know of any fics where Wei Wuxian's habit of fainting (presumably into LZ) comes up? id love it if it was a plot point, but ill take any fics where he does faint

The most dangerous thing is to love by KatAnni (E, 113k, wangxian, JYL & WWX & JC, WWX & WQ, JYL/JZX, JC/WQ, golden core reveal, fix it, everyone lives au, angst w/ happy ending, hurt WWX, found family, implied/referenced torture, implied/referenced cannibalism, PTSD, golden core transfer Fix-It, major character injury, WWX has a new golden core, asexual JC, whump, marriage proposal, wedding night) addresses in an AU sort of way

to the river of rivers by haysel (T, 27k, wangxian, post-canon, character study, pining, dissociation, getting together, misunderstanding, trauma, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort)

梅花开放 | the plum blossoms bloom by doubletan (E, 6k, WangXian, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Established Relationship, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Post-Canon, Anal Sex, Kissing, Crying, a lot of crying)

Not What We May Be by brooklinegirl (E, 29k, wangxian, post-canon, pining, bed sharing, case fic, hurt/Comfort)

Talismans by brooklinegirl (E, 10k, wangxian)

~*~

9. hii!! for the next itmf, im really struggling to find modern or canon fics where wx have some kind of secret, like that they hide from their families and friends?? honestly, the problem is that i dont really know how to explain if, but secret relationships, some secret job, secret identity. it would be nice if both of them were into the secret. im sorry if no one can understand this request, though im fine with whatever you find!! thank you <33

Hiraeth by cherrywhiskey (E, 155k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff & Angst, Friends With Benefits, Pining while Fucking, Falling In Love, Separation, Getting Back Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, Second chances, food as a metaphor for love, canon-typical Jiang family dynamics, fighting, Bottom LWJ, Switching, Versatile WangXian)

Always Be Closing by betts (E, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, America, Office, Kid Fic, Drunken Kissing, Semi-Public Sex, Sexting, Divorce, Falling In Love, Bank Robbery, Secret Relationship, Co-workers)

In Which They Are (Not So) Secretly Married by panda_desu (T, 99k, wangxian, canon divergence, fem WWX, secret relationship, secret marriage, implied sexual content, implied dub con, fluff, everyone lives au, no sunshot, intimacy, childbirth) if you dont mind reading fem!WWX i think this fit the criteria?

Post-war baby! by like_a_bird_that_flew (E, 24k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Mpreg, Secret Relationship, Relationship Reveal, ooc probably, Domestic Fluff, Good Uncle LQR, A-Yuan is Wangxian's son, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, brief mention of the Lan parent's dubious marriage, Weddings, Wedding Night, Eventual Smut, Established Relationship, petnames, Non-Graphic Depiction of Childbirth, Happy Ending, Pregnant WWX, Unplanned Pregnancy)

~*~

10. ITMF WWX's golden core reveal in a big shocking scandalous way! The more dramatic the better!

~*~

11. For the next ITMF, a) where are the Wen Ruohan redemption fics? Sami mentioned it in some endnotes and now I'm curious!

b) I'm rereading Sami's masterwork series, but I'm also craving more Lan Zhan is not a Lan fics (ever or anymore). Any recs? @mreisse

11A)

Communal Child-Rearing and Other Diplomatic Necessities by Elpie (Horribibble)

To the Heavens and the Earth by IsilmeLasgalen (E, 77k, WangXian, NingSong, XuanLi, MingXu, ChengYu, WWX is a Wēn, Marriage of Convenience, Accidental Marriage, Implied Mpreg, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cultivation Sect Politics, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Good Person WRH, Immortal WangXian, POV LXC, Mpreg, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Emperor WWX, Emperor LWJ, Past WWX/Other(s), Everybody Lives, Fluff, Angst, Smut, LWJ is LJY's Parent)

there r a few wrh fics in the vein of 'wrh finds out wwx is actually his long lost son/grandson and wants wwx to join the wen/like wrh both for personal and practical reasons' and so puts his plans of domination indefinitely on hold. So u might find a few under 'wwx is a wen' type tags.

nirejseki on ao3 (@robininthelabyrinth) has some

11B)

no step had trodden black by Stratisphyre (T, 32k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, madam lan lives, past rape, golden core reveal, hurt/Comfort, referenced to attempted suicide & suicidal thoughts, canon-typical violence)

The Best I Can by Zephyr (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 26k, LJY & WWX, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Light Angst, Drama, Recovery, Coming of Age, Secret Identity Fail, Friendship, Rogue Cultivator LWJ, Road Trips, Sort Of, POV Multiple, Happy Ending) In this fic LWJ became a rogue cultivator not long after WWX death but the focus in this fic is not on LWJ but on LJY and WWX. There are LWJ POV too

lost no more series by hamlets_ghost (G, 43k, WangXian, LXC/NMJ, Angst, mention of imprisonment, hurt little comfort, child LXC, child LWJ, this does not have a happy ending im sorry, LQR tries his best, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, alcohol mention, Rogue Cultivator LWJ, LXC POV, LWJ POV, Pre-Relationship, WWX POV, pre- cloud recess arc, Pre-Canon, some violence, NMJ POV, Light Angst, mention of intention of punishing yourself (see chapter notes), madam lan left with lwj as a child AU, LXC deserves a hug not lan elder friendly, this is not how to raise a child, So much angst, Isolation, Loneliness, Hurt/very little comfort, LXC centric, wangxian is very cute and domestic, mention of punishment Gusu Lan style, Burning of the Cloud Recesses)

~*~

12. I know this is more ITMF but any fic where LXC and LWJ relationship (as siblings) is explored like it could be strained or complicated specially after JGY or WY or just in general? Or it could be LXC bashing but I really wanna see the sibling dynamics 👉👈 --This one was moved from the last FF post to this one ~Mod L

Turn Left by kianspo (M, 193k, WIP, WangXian, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, eventually, references to child sexual abuse, not main characters, Neurodivergent LWJ, Slow Build, Lán Family Feels, specifically, Twin Jades of Lán Feels, lwj-centric, Twin Jades of Lán Dynamics, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies)

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics) I think the "twelve moons and a fortnight" series on ao3 may have some of this, it definitely has some EPIC post canon lxc processing/reacting to canon events scenes (link in #16)

~*~

13. Hie! I'm in the mood for a fanfic where wangxian adopts a baby/toddler (but no age restrictions really) [a-yuan exists and has the age he has now]. Please no calling Wei Wuxian a mom and it'd be nice if it had a more serious tone. @rkivees​

Little One by arcadenemesis (E, 8k, wangxian, post-canon, accidental baby acquisition, rated E for Everyday, case fic) probably not exactly what they had in mind, but “Little One” by arcadenemesis fits the bill and is really good. (WWX is called mom in a scene)

~*~

14. Hi!!! ITMF for time travel fics but it's the juniors who go back to the past! :D I've read "The Stuff of Legend" by pupeez4eva and I really liked it!

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

How Much Love Has the Inch Long Grass by Vainwyrm (M, 12k, WIP, WangXian, ZhuiLingYi, XuanLi, Time Travel Fix-It, Permanent Injury, Disability, Canon Disabled Character, Physical Disability, Non-canon disabled character, Self-Worth Issues)

~*~

15. Hello! I’ve been craving some wholesome junior quartet fics. More specifically I’d like it to be about the kids in the Gusu-lectures. If not any I’m fine with some post-canon junior shenanigans. Thank you in advance. @itstheinfamoushogwartsjaguar​

Grim Grinning Ghosts by Theladyofravenclaw (G, 3k, Junior Quartet, Ghost City, mxtx crossover, WWX's Birthday, the juniors shenanigans, Gambling, slight mention of gore once they enter the city, but nothing very graphic)

Lan Sizhui's Got a Crush! By Theladyofravenclaw (T, 46k, Junior Quartet, LSZ/OFC, Humor, Fluff and Crack, Case Fic, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Body Horror, Mild Gore, Post-Canon)

~*~

16. Hey for the next itmf can i get any fics where yunmeng brothers reconcile but Jiang cheng is the one who apologises? Like genuine remorse over his actions . Or a fic where lan qiren / lan xichen apologise. I don't know something along those lines because i have been feeling how I just the first siege was and i need the cultivation clans to apologise see the product of their actions and so on ...

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics) "twelve moons and a fortnight" series is EXCELLENT. There's an EPIC scene with lxc reacting to everything post canon in the main fic. There's also a marvelous side story in the series set during wwx's death where jc gets invited to Lan sizhui's courtesy name ceremony (which is how everyone learns this Lan heir even exists). And jc realizes he's his brother's kid and gives him "the bow of a dead beloved shixiong" - only sect bro older than jc was wwx, but no one living remembers. Greatwriting

~*~

17. Hi there. So I'm currently in the mood of reading wangxian AU or canon divergence fics. If possible the fics shouldn't be a short story, and I really, really just want WangXian, other characters may appear or mentioned, but I'm not in the mood of reading other chara's self importance appearance, so yeah just wangxian.

E.g a canon divergence when LWJ took WWX to an exile after the bloodbath in Nightless City, or a scenario where they were in the run, or the post 13 years WangXian just run away and don't give a shit about the revenge drama NHS and JGY are having about, anyway, it must be 90% of the fic, should be about wangxian.

To be more specific, perhaps some canon divergence where wangxian just don't give a shit about the cultivation world? Either before the First siege happen, or post 13 years, but preferably before wwx dying because I think it's a pity for a fine man like YLLaozu to die, lol. Just a pair of husband running away, live in seclusion, feeling discovery, etc.

Or an AU of soulmate or abo, or martial arts au, royal drama au, where it's, again, only about wangxian.

I would love it if you could kindly give me some recc🙂 Thank you, and G'day~! @catmaid-san

Disclaimer for the next few recs, it's been a while since I've read these but I recall them being pretty focused on wangxian ~Mod L

the kite string and the anchor rope by fleurdeliser (M, 38k, wangxian, canon divergence, after the yiling date, sick child)

wide enough and wild by impossibletruths (E, 64k, wangxian, canon divergence, Getting Together, Canonical Accidental Baby Acquisition, Families of Choice, References to Depression, Canon-Typical Violence, Happy Ending, Noping Out Of Society With Your Boyfriend And Your 50 Wen Refugees: The Novel, Overzealous Use Of Imagery, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Well Except Wen Ning But He Was Already Dead So, Fix-It of Sorts, Podfic Available, Spanish Translation Available)

Diverge by WithBroomBefore (T, 13k, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it of sorts, angst w happy ending, first kiss, implied sexual content, golden core reveal, LWJ pov, established relationship, sick fic, LWJ stays in the burial mounds, everyone lives au)

You Are My Euphoria by orphan_account (M, 17k, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff, making out, 5+1, pining)

love & longing, rabbit edition. by jaws_3 (G, 18k, wangxian, canon divergence, animal transformation, pining, fluff, first kiss, getting together, rabbit LWJ)

body and soul by TooSel (E, 41k, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, marriage proposal, everyone lives au, politics, yiling wei sect, adoption, smut, Friends to lovers, angst w happy ending)

I would wait for a thousand years by bleuett (T, 10k, wangxian, canon divergence, post-canon, memory loss, hurt/comfort, reunions, curses, intimacy, yearning, happy ending, Chinese mythology & folklore, immortality, fluff)

blossoms at the roadside by bleuett (T, 13k, wangxian, different first meetings, gardens & gardening, getting together, tenderness, happy ending)

Three changes. by orange_crushed (M, 18k, wangxian, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Cloud Recesses study arc, Friends to Lovers, Romantic Comedy, Kissing, Fade to Black, Mild Sexual Content, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot, falling In Love, Non-Graphic Violence, Everyone Lives au, Sparring, Harm to Animals, Don't Worry The Animal is Fine Wangji Makes Sure of That, Developing Friendships, Wangji Makes Friends At Summer School, None Of This Makes Sense Until You Remember They Are All Teenage Boys, teenagers in love, They're A Mess Your Honor (And I Love Every One Of Them), Hurt/Comfort, Mild Blood, First Time)

Under every sky, in every way by naqaashi (M, 15k, wangxian, Curses, Curse Breaking, Merji, Love Confessions, Pining, Genius WWX, Little Mermaid Elements, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst w Happy Ending, Feelings Realization, Lan Wangji is a Mermaid, Idiots in Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Oblivious WWX, Falling In Love, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Making Out, Fairy Tale Elements, Public Display of Affection, shameless wangxian, Married wangxian, Accidental Voyeurism, Fix-It, Mythical Beings & Creatures)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what  you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack,  whatever - it’s all good!***

[furiousgoldfish]

There's been a 'there's no good or evil, we're all complex human beings' sentiment going around, and I want to talk about it.

In a neutral, compatible-with-human-life, and non dangerous environment, this would be just a bland neutral statement, don't make humans something they're not, don't use extreme words for actions, see nuance in everything, etc. And in that case I wouldn't have a problem with it. But, when it starts being thrown in the face of victims of abuse, it's no longer neutral or bland, it's policing victim's tone and words when they're trying to express their own experience of trauma.

In a world without abuse, there would be no need to label some people evil, or make them irredeemable. Those who think we live in that world are sadly misinformed. Listening to the community of traumatized people, it becomes obvious that there are individuals who are not only evil, but trying to reach the extreme of it. If you tried to hold yourself together while listening to some of the stories, you couldn't. Because they're speaking about the inhumane, about torturing infants and babies, about isolating and brainwashing of preschool children to the point where they develop dissociative disorders, torturing and sabotaging kids and teenagers for decades until these people are psychologically wounded to the point where they can no longer exist without being in constant terror.

Once abuse reaches the point where the victim is trapped in trauma, re-living it over and over again and wishing they weren't alive to feel it, then evil is the only word we can use for this. There is no humanity, no nuance or complexity about it. It is evil. It is unforgivable. There is no redemption, no forgiveness and no words extreme enough for it. It's monstrous and unforgivable.

And the thing is, most of that abuse doesn't even stop. When you're talking to the community of the traumatized, a big part of them is still being subjected to this abuse. They're forced to listen to orders under a threat of torture, death and abandonment, they're forced to endure humiliation and dehumanization daily, without ability to defend themselves, because they would only be putting themselves in worse danger. Hope of escape is so slim that most are not even hoping to survive the ordeal. A lot of them doesn't believe they can escape, because the hope of that itself has been taken away from them. Most of these people are struggling daily with the suicidal thoughts because the pain is too much to handle, worse than annihilation would be.

If you come to a place where people are struggling for their life against the abusers, and your first concern is to correct the terms they're using and tone-police them, I don't have any trust in your intentions. You're aligning yourself with the abuser at this point, because it's exactly what the abuser wants; for the victims to be shut down, to be policed about their words, to be silenced, to be told to minimize and humanize the abusive actions, to see 'nuance' in their torturers. To not trust their own instinct about what the abusers are.

Anyone hearing about the abuse should have it in their priority to stop the abuse and to aid the victims. What abusers are being called doesn't even matter. Victims are allowed to use any term they want, they can invent new terms. They can say absolutely anything for the rest of their life and it won't even be enough. The aftermath of abuse is destructive to the point where victims will have a big chunk of their life torn apart with it, spent only re-living the torture and feeling the pain of it over and over again. Doing that to someone is nothing short of evil.

[noxale]

Why people like "Ascension" from a psychological point of view.

\N: A message from me, the post itself starts with the word "START". Hi, It's not my post and it's not my words. But I think it would be helpful to understand it. I can see how the situation already seems better (?) maybe I just don't go on reddit. But I feel like this post just still needs to be. From myself I want to say thank you to all neutral, calm players and just those who have fun. Thank you Ascension scares\dont like a lot of people, but people aren't picking it because they want dom-sex (not the only reason for sure) and haven't understood anything "character theme" with their head. Things are different, complicated and there can't be just one theme. Everyone has their own emotions and life experiences. Stephen Rooney didn't dictate the character's theme like in class. Also, the BG3 game is positioned "...or make chaos in the world, you decide", "Great paths of evil". Hi's neutral Author to both endings. Evil and Good - you play hero or villain. Here's how I understand it.

layered and complex. For example: Poetic justice for neutral evil, in an evil way it is evil, and still complex (not black and white). Power (just any power) corrupts, ambition as Jupiter - dangerously. Freedom is nice, permissiveness - not so much (but this game is all nice).

But that's not what we're talking about. Here's a little essay, (a little emotional, but emotions are like that) why people do "Ascension" from a psychological point of view. START\\\

You know what, i wrote this "little" essay and decided to leave in some treads on Asc Astarion, because I got triggered and annoyed by this drama enough to feel like i need to share some thoughts about toxic vampire love thing in name of education for everyone. If you like it, feel free to repost it anywhere you want. (\\\N: which I do)

So, what this dark romance fantasy is about for me personally, (even though i prefer spawn romance, i absolutely understand the appeal of asc Astarion because honestly, i was all about this kind of romance during my childhood and teenage years, hardocore the Phantom of the Opera girl is here, inside your head) and why it's also healing route for some players, and no, it's not about kinky vampiric banging.

1) A lot of people feel extremely worthless and insecure, lonely, like no one really cares for them at all. It's a very deep wound that hurts and it's difficult to overcome even in perfectly loving, healthy and supportive relationship with a good partner, and even with therapy. So fantasy about a vampire, being obsessed with you so much that he is ready to do absolutely anything just to be with you for forever is really comforting. Also, you don't have to think too much about your imperfections, because for him you like a center of his vampire heart. Besides, you sympathise with him - it's like a selfcomfort mirror, i love this monster despite everything, so in a way, i accept myself despite any flaws i see in me. 2) Safety. When the world around you feel like a wilderness, full of monsters, it feels like only the most terrifying loving monster can protect you from it. He is powerful and protective, and i am so precious to him, that he will set the world on fire just so i would be safe. 3) Responsibility. As you may see, this kind of relationship have daddy issues vibes and codependency, and in real life, you can't just fully submit safely to anyone, I don't think i have to explain why it's a dangerous idea to seek this kind of relationships in real life. You have to stay a grown up independent person and seek safety for yourself without expecting someone to come and heal all your wounds. But this is fantasy, so finally you can use this as a comfort fantasy with no fear about being taking advantage of, without shame to be called childish and etc. 4) Independence. Spawn ending is very terrifying for anyone who has issues with feeling safe and independent, because some of us prefer violent power fantasies over "we have each other and that's all that matters", second of all, this ending also has some shady co-dependency undertone to it that can be triggering for some people. I love Spawn Astarion a little bit more more than Asc and yet my heart stayed absolutely broken after running away from the sun scene, and i hate that he is so dependent on Tav. Larian owes me some emotional refund after this.

5) SA trauma: it wasn't even seen as possibility for healing way by writer, but it is for some. Asc Astarion feels like he is the most powerful creature in the world, and he is fully controlling everything that happens between him and Tav, so finally, it's a kind of situation where there is no chance of him being abused again. It's one of the reasons why some people become Doms in BDSM-dynamic relationships: finally, full control of the process and a partner, who trusts then enough to fully submit, trust issues is also big deal in Astarion story of healing. I find idea that that only Subs can enjoy Asc Astarion a little bit naive. Because, well, some news for you: Doms like it too because they understand why he is so eager to be a top :D Unrealistic, not the healthiest way? Probably! But this man and this love is not real anyway. Yes, i think many of us, especially folks who went through therapy and a lot of self-reflecting are already aware that it's basically romanticized version of narcissistic obsession and in real life this is creepy, but it's not real, it's a fantasy. People use BDSM to heal, romance books and all other forms of art to deal with their inner demons and it's absolutely normal. Even if someone is blind to see what is wrong with Asc Astarion, I highly doubt that toxic bucket of shame and aggression are able to help see anyone problematic side of things. Do you know who is usually up to romanticize toxic dynamic in romance? Victims of abuse. In real life, if you just scream and yell at any poor girl/boy/whatever about how stupid they are for believing that their abusive partner really loves them, people will either break down and cry or tell you to f!ck off and they will have every right to do so, but they won't see what's wrong with their partner,in whom quite often victims of abuse see their only source of love and safety in life. Hells, I am so sick and tired from this "white cloak knight saviour from cycle of abuse" toxic flood in this fandom. If you really want to educate people - do it with extreme care and compassion. Real life healing is not working like it's with Astarion in the game,few right dialogs and boom, dude is on the right path. It takes enormous amount of patience and love, be kind to one another, and stay safe, darlings. Being toxic on Asc fans you are not helping anyone, you just hitting your superiority complex button in your ---. To heal others with their lethal dose of poison, it's hilarious /Sorry for the wall of text, sorry for grammar, English is not my first language/

\N: That's it. I hope this essay makes someone realize that those who choose Asc also have deep feelings, thoughts, and personal experiences in life. They have the right to think differently deep than most about video game, history, and any art. And discussing the canon to in different ways. It's Dark Fantasy, complex topics. So especially The Canon. I am enjoy learning new, different opinions. Also I hope this helps anyone who has felt uncomfortable with the toxic wave. I'm going to try very hard not to look at the responses to this post for my personal calmness. All the Best\

[brian-in-finance]

Caitríona Balfe attends the premiere of 'The Cut' at the 2024 Toronto International Film Festival. ROBIN MARCHANT/GETTY

Outlander star Caitríona Balfe says boxing for The Cut with Orlando Bloom was a lot more fun than wearing corsets

"It was undoing a lot of the corset damage," the actress tells EW.

Outlander star Caitriona Balfe steps out of the stone circle and into the ring for The Cut, director Sean Ellis' psychological sports drama.

Speaking with Entertainment Weekly on Friday at the 2024 Toronto International Film Festival where the film had its world premiere, Balfe says she "really got into boxing" for the role of Caitlin, the wife and trainer of Orlando Bloom's protagonist, known only as The Boxer, in the film.

Was it more fun than putting on a corset as Claire Fraser on Outlander? "Hell yes," says Balfe. "And it was undoing a lot of the corset damage, I have to say. A decade of wearing a corset has done wonders to my back."

Described as an exploration of the "wounds that will not heal," The Cut follows Bloom's retired fighter and his obsession with getting back into the ring after a nasty cut took him out of commission a decade ago. John Turturro also stars as Boz, a brash trainer not above using every technique — legal or not — to come out on top.

Bafle wouldn't categorize herself as a "super boxing fan" per se, but the Irish actress does hail from Ireland, after all, where the sport is massively popular. "I knew quite a lot about various different boxers and the sport and stuff." Yet "it was only when I signed onto the film and I started taking some boxing lessons and worked with this amazing coach, Ruth Raper," she says, that the world opened itself up to her.

"You talk to people in the boxing world and it is often —especially [for] working class kids — the sort of one avenue where they go to get out of trouble," she explains. "They put their energy into that, it keeps them off the streets, keeps them on the straight and narrow. But it's a single road. It looks after one thing. It's like, we're going to take you and put that intensity and all of those energies into something, but it doesn't really fix the root."

Orlando Bloom as the Boxer in 'The Cut'. COURTESY OF TIFF

It's a path that represents Bloom's fighter, says Bafle. "He's found something that's kept him on the straight and narrow, but it's just really put the actual problems back in the recesses of his mind," she notes. "We all know if you repress something, it eventually has to be dealt with. And I think that's a lot of people in sports. It's such a single track. It's like, you can do one thing brilliantly, but sometimes at the expense of dealing with the rest of the things in your life."

Entertainment Weekly

In The Cut, Orlando Bloom transforms into a washed-up prizefighter in an otherwise overwrought boxing drama

"Outlander" star Caitriona Balfe plays Bloom's partner and coach.

Despite a trio of knockout performances, The Cut is a lackluster boxing drama.

Orlando Bloom's character, known only as Boxer, runs a boxing gym with his partner Caitlin (Caitriona Balfe). Until the death of a fighter propels him back into the ring for one last shot at glory, even if it might cost him everything. Bloom is the center of the drama, his handsome leading man visage transformed by prosthetics that give him a broken nose, cauliflower ears, and a pugilist's demeanor. It is truly a physical leap for Bloom, and he disappears into the role of a hard-scrabble, mumbling Irishman.

There's no trace of vanity as he sheds pounds in dangerous pursuit of returning to fighting weight (at one point we're told he has to lose 26 pounds in six days). Bloom moves with the lithe, unsteady canter of a man who's punch drunk, while the trauma of his horrific childhood emanates from his haunted eyes.

He's matched by a silver-tongued supporting performance from John Turturro, who plays Boz, a sadistic trainer who pushes Boxer to the physical and mental brink. He is the devil in a polo shirt, charming and malevolent all at once. A less charming actor would have robbed the role of any warmth, but Turturro sells the notion that Boxer cannot release himself from the man's toxic web.

Balfe gives a thankless role her all as the lone woman in this boys' club. Caitlin has a dark past too, alluding to a struggle with addiction. But we never learn any of her past in detail despite numerous and repetitive flashbacks to Boxer's bleak childhood. Instead, it's left to Balfe to convey it all through Caitlin's stricken expressions and misplaced devotion to Boxer. She even gets a few moments to shine as a fighter herself, training Boxer for his fight before Boz takes over. Balfe is a sublime talent, but she deserves far better material that doesn't rely on her to make up for deficiencies in the writing.

Orlando Bloom, director Sean Ellis, Caitriona Balfe, and John Turturro at the TIFF premiere of 'The Cut'. RYAN EMBERLEY/GETTY

Because despite these three strong performances, The Cut can't overcome its overwrought script by Justin Bull (with a story from Mark Lane) and Sean Ellis' flaccid direction. The film is a drama that explores a man who pushes himself to insane limits, only to realize he needs help for his issues (which include an eating disorder and PTSD over the death of his prostitute mother who also pimped him out to pedophiles), and an unhealthy obsession with proving himself a champion in the ring.

Bloom reduced himself to an emaciated husk of a man to tell a story that should've started where it ends. There's not much to take from a man's descent into hell if we don't also get to watch him attempt to crawl out. But that's where it concludes, with Boxer only just peering out of the pit he's fallen into, realizing he needs help to emerge.

As a director, Ellis seems more interested in gratuitous vomit shots and strained depictions of hallucinations than the subject at hand. The Cut is a boxing movie with very little boxing (indeed, we don't even see the climactic fight). It's a deliberate directorial choice that seeks to foreground Boxer's fight inside his soul rather than any external battle. But it robs the film of any energy or propulsion beyond a clichéd portrait of a man in free-fall.

The Cut has the potential to be something fresh and interesting with three particularly fine actors at its heart; instead, it keeps its audience against the ropes, bludgeoning viewers with a trite, histrionic tale of trauma that will likely eliminate any hopes it has of being an awards contender.

Grade: C-

Entertainment Weekly

Remember… Balfe is a sublime talent, but she deserves far better material that doesn't rely on her to make up for deficiencies in the writing. — Entertainment Weekly

[attackfish]

I know this is a controversial take in this fandom, but I actually don't think Legend of Korra did Katara dirty. Like I see a lot of people who complain about the fact that she didn't have a statue, and she never became Southern Water Tribe chief, and she was just the Avatar's wife, and was just a healer, and like I don't know what show these people were watching.

No, Katara never became chief, nor did she ever express a desire to be chief in any of her appearances. Yes, she was the Avatar's wife. Yes, she was a healer. But like, what do we actually see of Katara's life in the Southern Water Tribe after the war?

We see Katara as a master healer and waterbender, clearly well respected by the Order of the White Lotus, and training the next Avatar. We also see her in an extremely well appointed rehabilitative therapy center, that is implied to be hers, working with Korra. Korra talks about learning healing from Katara, who is one of if not the best waterbending healer in the world, and we see Katara's state of the art rehabilitative medicine center. This is how Katara chose to use her skills, in a way that is completely separate from being Aang's wife. And given how lovely and either new or well taken care of everything looks, I would argue that she probably isn't even retired. We are shown her as a world renowned rehabilitative medicine expert at the top of her game.

And the field of rehabilitative medicine is such an interesting choice for her. Rehabilitative medicine is the field of helping people who have been severely injured not only heal, but gain the skills to have the best lives possible after their injuries. It's something that somebody like Katara who wants to do the most good would absolutely be drawn to as a healer after the war, since both people who had fought in the war, and non-combatants, would have the kinds of grievous injuries that would benefit from rehabilitative medicine. Given the state of healing and technology at the end of the war, Katara might even have been a major pioneer in the field, in fact I think we're meant to read that as the case.

Katara as we see her in the show is not opposed to being a healer. She just doesn't want to be denied the ability to fight when she and her friends are facing conquest, death, and danger, and her people are facing elimination. After the war, Katara would do what she always has done, and look for ways to help. Once the fighting is over, the Katara we see in the show would embrace healing and helping the war wounded rebuild their lives.

Heck, we actually see her with a patient, Korra, who was injured in battle, and she's clearly very practiced at dealing both with the physical parts of recovery and the psychological. Katara has always wanted to help her people, and there were few things her people needed more after the war, than someone willing and able to treat the victims of the war.

I think the reason so many people see Katara's career in healing is because of a fantasy media tradition of healing being the weak, girly magic given to the designated girl of the group, secondary and even silly next to fighting. But that't not what we're shown in the show. That's something brought in from outside, and I think if we ignore this negative connotation that healing has in the fantasy genre, it becomes obvious that a better comparison for katara's career path is that of head of orthopedic medicine at a world class hospital, who volunteers with Doctors Without Borders.

I got a lot of problems with Legend of Korra, but I think they handled Katara pretty dang well.

[n0v4t33z]

The Syndicate - Chapter 6 : Un-Killable

Pairings: Choi San X Female Reader, Park Seonghwa X Female Reader, Ateez X Female Reader

Genre: Lots of angst, Romance, Crime Fiction, Psychological Drama

Word Count: 5.8k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Language, Graphic Violence, Mentions of Illegal activities (i.e Kidnapping, extortion, assassination etc.), y/n gets roughed up by Wooyoung like twice , Slow Burn, Fluff sometimes, Work In Progress, Non-Idol AU, Mafia AU, Very suggestive at times, y/n cries alot, y/n having inner turmoil, Ateez being bad boys, Wooyoung and Yeosang are a little mean in this story tbh, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Assassination attempt(s), mentions death and acts of violence

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist🎵 | Series Masterlist📝

Author's Note 💌: Hi, It's been about two weeks since I posted the last chapter so I'm here to keep my promise about posting at least twice every month! Unfortunately I didn't realize how short this chapter actually is. Either way it's a good one though, there are also some parts I may fix and add onto later since I'm posting this close to 2 am and I'm exhausted so I hope you guys still enjoy it either way! ^^

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

A whole 2 months passes by and I notice San has become somewhat distant and has been spending most of the time either in his office by himself or in the conference room with the rest of the guys. Although Seonghwa, Jongho, Yunho and Mingi still interact with me they become very vague anytime I ask them about San. There were a few occasions where I wanted to try and see what exactly they were talking about but because there's always a goon outside the door now keeping a lookout so I could never get close enough to hear. One day I asked Seonghwa why they spent so much time in the conference room and the only thing he told me is "We're sorting things out." As for me, this whole time after I ran the 3 people’s names in the police database and nothing came up I realized these people are basically ghosts with no paper trails on the database meaning I’ve been having to investigate on foot and tailing them. The only thing San left for me as a place of reference and a place to start was a club on the east side of the city which actually turned out to be a club named "Enigma" that they own under a fake identity but another thing San left on the note is that these 3 people are brothers who run an underground black market out of it. So far everything is fine with them, no meetings with any other rival groups. If anything, these brothers definitely know how to treat their allies by providing them with weapons and other resources that are otherwise considered inaccessible to which I'm assuming this is the reason San wants to work with them. Which leads me to where I am right now, heading home after a long couple of days of consecutively tailing and observing these people. What's been really weird is that San called me at least once everyday to check in on me in the beginning but it's been 2 weeks and nothing. I sigh while I look at the dark road ahead of me, taking in the scene of complete emptiness with a beautifully glittery night sky which left me feeling a bit emotional. I slowly begin to tighten my grip on the steering wheel. I’ve had so many chances to leave but why aren’t I taking them? Have I seriously grown attached?

I reach for my phone and very anxiously I glance at the screen while I keep my eyes on the road and look at my recent calls, the last time I called San was two days ago. I stare at his name on my screen for a few seconds and decide to just hit the call button. The ringing starts and by the 4th ring I'm sent to voicemail immediately making my heart sink. He didn't answer, again. My vision begins to blur the bright headlights and the road ahead of me slightly begins to distort until warm tears stream down my cheeks then I let out a small sigh “Why? What did you do to me?” Why do I have to make things more difficult for myself? The original plan was to have San trust me enough to let me leave his headquarters, but now that he's given me that permission I can't seem to leave. Why?

I try to compose myself and wipe my tears away with one hand while I keep my other hand on the steering wheel. In the distance I see the headquarters, and realize that most of the drive home I spent it worrying about him and questioning myself. When I arrive I walk inside headquarters I notice it seems empty, and by empty I mean too quiet. There's almost always someone in the building, whether it's Seonghwa drinking his tea in the lounge, Hongjoong on his computer in the server room, Wooyoung playing cards with Mingi, Yeosang and Yunho in the living room, even Jongho's occasional little breaks after he's been working all afternoon. So when I walk over to the lounge and notice it's completely empty my stomach feels like it flipped upside down. Where is everyone? I walk around the building and no one was there except of course the goons who keep watch on the building 24/7 now so I decide I'm going to just ask one of them as to why it's so empty because this is weird.

There’s a very tall and heavy build goon outside of San's office, he was so scary looking. Although his suit made him look a little less scary. "Um excuse me but where is everyone? Why is it so empty here?" Without flinching the man simply responds with "They're sorting out a few things they'll be back soon Miss y/n." I exhale then I run my fingers through my loosely curled hair "Okay yes, but where are they? What are they doing?" Keeping a straight face without even looking at me he responds "I'm sorry Miss y/n but that's all I know." I narrow my eyes in disbelief. Does he really think I’m that stupid? "That can't be, you have to know where they are. You were given orders by San not to tell me anything weren't you?" The man stands there looking straight ahead pretending he didn't hear me. I look at him for a few seconds more waiting if he'll say anything but he never does then I clench my jaw and say through my teeth "Fine, I'll take that as a yes." I scoff and walk away to my room, when I get there I throw myself onto my bed. I lay there in bed for a few minutes until I fall asleep.

A few hours later I hear commotion downstairs, it was San and the guys. ”I’m exhausted. Now all we need is to kill that old bastard.” Wooyoung comments. ”Well at least we’re done now, I thought it was going to take a lot longer to pull this off.” Hongjoong responds. I look over at the clock and it was around 4 am then I get up and hurriedly head downstairs and notice they’re all dressed in black like they were in a robbery of some sort. All the talking stops and becomes dead silent when everyone notices I’m in the room then Seonghwa walks towards me and nervously smiles “Hey, what are you doing here? Weren’t you on an errand?” I shrug with a straight face “I just got back a few hours ago, what about you guys? Why’s everyone dressed like this? Did I miss something?” San walks up to me and pats my back and smiles “Nothing, we just went to go handle something don’t worry about it.” I furrow my brows and look directly into San’s eyes “Let me guess you still went even after I told you not to…” San shakes his head and reassuringly pats my head “Didn’t we agree to forget about this? I said I wasn’t going to..” Seonghwa, MIngi, and Yunho look over at San with a very odd facial expression then Wooyoung says “You have your jobs and we have ours. San’s allowed to do what he wants it’s not like you’re his girlfriend.” I slowly nod and give Wooyoung and San a fake smile “Of course, you’re right. I was just wondering considering I've barely seen any of you at all I was just a bit worried.” Yeosang stares right at me with a deadpan face “Why do you even care? It’s not like we’re your friends.” Gosh, I know he’s right but wow that hurt. San's expression grows dark and Seonghwa puts his hand on Yeosang’s shoulder causing him to ease up a bit then I let out a frustrated sigh. Here we go again. “Well, maybe you might not be my friend but if you haven’t noticed there are other people I am friends with.” Wooyoung lets out a mocking laugh “Oh really? They’re your friends? If they were your friends they would have told you what was going on but clearly no one trusts you. You’ve only been here like what? 3 or 4 months and you already want to be let in on everything we do? Sounds just about right for an entitled cop.” San pushes Wooyoung and angrily says “Can you ever shut up?!” Yunho and Jongho rush over to separate them, Yunho holding San and Jongho holds Wooyoung respectively. As much as I’d love to be petty with Wooyoung and drop the bomb on San that his best friend thought it was a great idea to nearly kill me, I’ll keep that to myself. All in due time I guess. I don’t want to create anymore issues for these people. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to recover from that verbal jab. This is embarrassing, maybe Wooyoung is right they do have a right for not trusting me. Just because I gave them access to all these things doesn’t mean anything, for all they know I could be leading them to a trap so I don’t blame them for not trusting me. San angrily stares at Wooyoung "Oh come on San, calm down. I was just expressing everything in everyone's mind." Wooyoung fights back a smirk and San tries to reach over to him causing Yunho to tighten his grip on him.

"You don't speak for everyone here." Seonghwa speaks up looking directly at me reassuringly. Jongho speaks from behind Wooyoung "I agree with San and Seonghwa. You really don't speak for everyone here." Hongjoong sighs and nods "She's not so bad Wooyoung. You know this. You're just being hard headed and paranoid over this situation not to mention overtly territorial over San." Wooyoung lets out a laugh "Me paranoid?! Territorrial?! I know what these cops are capable of doing?! Did you guys forget what happened to San's father?! They easily get into your head and mess with it, they're master manipulators just like Lee. She's just like him and I'm only trying to protect him from things repeating themselves." There's a long silence, evreyone awkwardly looking at eachother. That's when I step in between San and Wooyoung causing evreyone's gaze to shift over to me. I slightly part my lips to speak but then a knot grows in my throat and press them shut. Maybe it's a good idea not to say anything right now and keep the peace. All this fighting isn't going to be worth it in the end. I can't change someone's mind whose already been made. Wooyoung can think anything he wants, I just don't want to hear it anymore. I turn my back to them and walk in the direction of my room.

In the distance I hear Yunho say “Come back just give her some time alone.” followed by fast paced footsteps until a few moments later I feel someone grab my wrist then I look back and it was San. He gently tugs my arm closer to him and I look down still slightly embarrassed for running off in a cowardly way. “y/n, wait… I’m sorry some of them haven’t warmed up to you but I promise it’s not your fault. I know you were just worried.” Beginning to feel drained I shake my head “I’m exhausted, we can talk tomorrow. Right now I just want to be alone.” San gently pushes back a few strands of hair “I understand, but please pay no attention to them especially Wooyoung. Nothing he says has an ounce of truth. I need you here with me, remember that.” I let go of San’s hand and walk towards my room leaving him behind me. When I walk into my room I lay there silently for a few moments until warm tears begin to sting my eyes. Once I get rid of Captain Lee I’m going to leave this place despite how deeply in love I am, or at least try to. I can’t keep putting myself through this.

The next morning while laying in bed I hear Wooyoung shouting in a panicked voice from outside in the hallway “San, they took down all security!” I sit up and quickly change clothes while listening closely to the commotion in the hallways, from what it sounds like someone took down the people guarding the HQ gates which is still kind of far considering we’re in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly San barges into my room with a slightly worried expression and says “y/n, the cops are on their way as we speak. Burn everything you can, everything on your computer wipe it and burn it too.” He hands me a gasoline can and some matches and pats my head “Everything will be okay I promise.” He smiles nervously and before he can walk away I pull on the sleeve of his rolled up dress shirt “Why are the cops coming? Is it because of what you guys were doing earlier today?” San’s smile disappears into a straight line and a serious expression then he runs his fingers through his hair “Please don’t get mad, I know you said you didn’t want me to follow through with breaking into the evidence room but I went ahead and did it anyway. I’m sorry. I genuinely thought everything went well I swear I made sure no one followed us but I guess I was wrong.”

I clench my free hand to the point my knuckles turn white. The silence between us lasted as a long instant, and while the anger welled up in my chest. He was looking at me with his gaze of expectation for me to simply forgive him and move on but as of right now I can’t. I won't. Instead it pisses me off because it seems like everything I tell him Is being ignored. Everything that’s happening right now was because of him but what do I expect from a criminal anyway? If anything I shouldn’t even be surprised, I should have known he was going to pull something like this. I raise my hand back and throw my hand forward as hard as I can, whipping it across his face. The crack of skin contacting skin echoed off the metal walls of my room. His face then turns back to me while he slowly runs his hand along his cheek and without another word I walk away. Part of me knows and is well aware I’m running away from my problems but at the moment I was more focused on escaping the police and wiping the computer of any evidence, I can’t get caught now. Nobody can find out I was kept alive.

I run into my work room and over to the computer and begin trying to reimage it to delete all the data on the hard drive then the screen shows a percentage bar and on the bottom of it read “Time Remaining: 35 minutes” I rub my forehead in frustration and grab the tower of the computer, toss it across the room a few times until it eventually splits open then I grab the can of gasoline and pour most of it on the motherboard and the hard drive. I pull out a match from the match box in my pocket and light it then flick it directly inside the computer case immediately igniting a huge fire. After burning a few papers and files I head down the hallway and I notice Yeosang looking out the window and calmly loading his gun while gazing into the distance then I realize he was looking at the various police cars, a helicopter and a few SWAT vehicles getting in position. Someone taps my shoulder and when I turn it was Mingi, he hands me a gun and says “Good luck” I nod taking the gun making sure there was ammo “Same to you.” Out of seemingly nowhere Yeosang begins to shoot causing me to slightly jump. San immediately runs out of his office with a gun in hand then he grabs my hand and leads me downstairs towards the back exit. “We’re going to head outside, there’s a secret escape route I built in the forest so I hope you have your walking shoes on because it’s going to be a long walk.” While he opens the door I say “Where’s everyone else?” He peaks outside and says “Mingi and Yeosang are going to buy us time. Everyone else is already in the forest.” Suddenly Wooyoung runs up behind us and pats San’s shoulder. “Everything is clear, lower associates were sent to distract the feds.” San nods and says “Did you turn on the self destruct device in the server room?” Wooyoung nods and smirks “Yep, everything is in order.” He steps outside in front of San and hides behind a car outside then motions us to follow behind him and just a few seconds after giving us the signal he motions us to stop and stay low. Then I hear a familiar voice.

“Let the girl go Choi San…” My stomach drops and I look up and see that In the helicopter was my partner Detective Chris and Captain Lee looking over his shoulder and right next to them was a sniper. I tightly squeeze his hand and San turns and looks at me “You’ll be okay, worst case is they’ll shoot me and not you.” Captain Lee speaks into the mega phone and says “Give it up son, you lost and it was all because you’re so reckless. You got so sloppy but don’t worry though I’ll clean the mess you left and I’ll start by shooting your little friend over here.” The red laser from the sniper’s gun points right at Wooyoung’s head “And then you.” Wooyoung looks at San and slightly nods and begins to run towards the forest. Almost instantly he gets shot in the chest instead from the sudden movement. His body falls limply on his side while he clutches onto his chest and struggles to breathe. My stomach drops and San lets out a scream calling out Wooyoung’s name with tears welling up in his eyes in anger “I’m going to kill you bastard!!” I clutch onto San's arm holding the gun in my other hand tightly with my eyes blurring with tears. Captain Lee smirks “You know what, I take it back. I won’t shoot you that’s letting you off easy...I want you to suffer by watching all your little mobster trash die.”

Seeing Wooyoung on the ground didn’t bring me satisfaction, instead I begin to cry at the sight of his breathing slowing down. Despite everything he’s done to me I couldn’t let San suffer again, as angry and pissed off as I am with him right now for putting us in this situation he doesn’t deserve to lose his bestfriend. Wooyoung needed help and fast but the only way to get him that help is if I turn myself in and somehow convince them to step back. I hate the idea that I won't have that anonymity anymore but this is a matter of life or death. If I can prevent someone from dying then I'm sure it'll be worth it no matter how painful it is. Suddenly, an idea pops up in my head, it was one I really didn't want to do but my only hope is that it all goes smoothly. I step in front of San with my back facing the helicopter which causes San to pull me closer to him into a hug. i gently press the barrel of the gun I have onto his stomach and he leans in close to my ear and whispers “What are you doing angel eyes? Whatever is going on in that little head of yours just stop, I don’t want you to get hurt. Please.” He sniffles burying his face in my hair trying to hide the fact that he was slightly teary eyed “Sannie, do you trust me?” He talks into my neck “Yes of course I trust you.” Staying still and keeping my voice calm I say “Keep your head down and shoot the sniper.” His voice goes an octave higher while keeping his head down buried into my neck and says “What?! Why?!” Keeping my calm I press the gun a little more onto his stomach “Do it. Shoot the sniper, trust me.” From the corner of my eye I see San’s arm go up and shoot in the sniper’s direction and as soon as he shoots I move just a bit to where the sniper’s bullet hits my right shoulder. I let out a scream in agonizing pain from the impact of the hot metal burning deep in my shoulder causes me to slightly jerk forward and drop the gun in my hand. I push San with the strength from the adrenaline coursing through my veins back into the building and I run towards the helicopter while I clutch onto my shoulder with tears in my eyes. This was all for nothing, so much for getting rid of this man from the shadows.

“There’s a bomb in there! Please Captain Lee, Chris we have to get out of here and remove everyone from the perimeter!” I look back and see San was no longer in the doorway, both Chris and Captain Lee look at me in awe then look at each other a few seconds. Eventually Chris lets down a ladder, helps me climb up and sit down. He sits next to me and looks over at Captain Lee “Captain, we have to take her to the hospital now!” I lay there growing more exhausted by the second due to blood loss until I manage to mutter “Captain, remove everyone from this perimeter now or we’re all going to die.” Chris looks at me and shakes his head while he keeps pressure on my wound “No, we can’t. We have a warrant for San’s arrest we can’t just let him escape” I grab Chris’s forearm and squeeze it from the pain and slight impatience “Trust me, I know he’s going to fuck up again this won’t be the last time. The bomb, please. We have to get out of here we don’t have much time left..” Chris turns to Captain Lee giving him a worried look then Captain Lee looks down at the building for a few moments that felt like an eternity and eventually looks over at me and Chris “Alright, but only because I trust Detective y/ln and know she’ll be able to catch this scum again.” He looks over at the pilot and says “Take us to the nearest hospital please.”

He speaks into his radio “We’ve got a code 4, change of plans, we found Detective y/n y/ln alive and well. Clear the area, over.” Is he really going to act like he didn’t leave me for dead? Is this a favor that later on he’s going to try to use as leverage to somehow blackmail me? A voice answers back on the radio “Disregarding, all units will return back to the station. Over.” I did it, but this was too easy… Luckily the server room self distructing came in handy so technically I wasn’t lying. Chri’s voice interrupts my thoughts and says “So you’re alive? I’m so glad you’re okay but how? I saw your dead body, how is that possible?” I struggle to breathe then I sit there focusing on my breaths until Captain Lee sits next to the seat where Chris and I were sitting and says “Detective Bang stop asking her questions, can’t you see she has a bullet inside her?” Chris’s voice slightly shakes a bit and says “I’m sorry sir, I’m just in shock she’s alive. I saw her charred body, her police badge, everything." I feel my eyes slowly begin to close, my consciousness felt like it was slipping away until everything goes dark.

When I wake up, I scan the room and realize I'm at the hospital. That’s when it all comes back to me, I hope San is okay and he managed to escape along with everyone else. Especially Wooyoung, I really hope he made it as well. I turn and notice Chris is asleep then In a low whisper I say “Chris?” Immediately I see Chris sit up and say “Oh hey y/ln you’re up, how are you feeling?” I nod my head slightly and look down at the IV needle in my hand while he proceeds to talk “I’m so glad it wasn't anything serious, I waited for you to wake up and ask if you wanted to see your family. I’m sure you miss them. I didn’t call them right away since I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed.” I shake my head and I say in a low voice “Don’t tell them I’m alive... Please.” Chris furrows his brows and gives me an odd look “Why not?” I stare off into the distance trying not to make eye contact with him “Promise me you won’t tell anyone especially Captain Lee.”

Chris leans in close to me then I lean in a bit more and whisper “I’m going to run away. I think it’s best for me to disappear considering AS is going after me and I don’t want my family to get killed.” I still can’t believe I’m lying through my teeth, who am I trying to save? San or me? Maybe both. Chris responds in a worried tone “It’s okay we can get you into the Witness Protection Program., you can get your life back.” I sigh and shake my head “No Chris, I’m doing this without the help of the government or the police.” Chris’s jaw tenses up and sits there looking at the ground for a few seconds. “Please, don’t tell anyone Chris. Promise me. You also have to make sure Captain Lee doesn’t release the news of me being alive to the media as this is going to make it even harder for me.” He lifts his gaze and meets my eyes and smiles “Of course I promise, we’re partners after all. We’re under oath to protect one another but promise, you’ll reach out to me occasionally. I just want to make sure you’re alive and well.” I nod then I sit up “Of course as long as you keep my existence a secret, but I do have one more thing to tell you and this one is much more serious because it’s about Captain Lee.” I hope he doesn’t tell him, but who else can I trust? Besides having someone to lean on he might be of help. He scrunches his face in curiosity then looks at the door “What about him? Is it something bad?” I bite the inside of my lip then I take a deep breath and blurt out “Captain Lee works for The Obsidian Dragon, Aurora Syndicate’s rival. I know this because I saw a whole file documenting him being associated with the mafia with pictures and everything.” Chris smirks holding in a small laugh “What? Are you sure that’s not the morphine talking? Why would he even work for the mafia to begin with?” Oh no, he’s asking questions. “He was a close friend of the Choi family, specifically The Phantom. He’s the reason that the whole shootout happened, he sold The Phantom’s location in exchange for money.” Chris’ hand reaches up to his mouth then says “Wait what? So he knew who was behind all of that? No wonder he would always breathe down our necks and constantly check the leads. How much was he given?” I tap my finger on my chin “50 grand if I remember correctly.” He blinks in shock then says “Okay wow that’s quite a bit of money. Yeah, I get why you’re in a hurry to hide. You know too much.” And I know so much more but I can’t tell you the rest.

“Yep..” There was a long silence but Chris clears his throat and says “So uh I have a question and it’s kind of random...Why was San holding you like that?” I raise my eyebrow “How so? What do you mean?” He rests his cheek on his hand “You know like weirdly close, like he had a thing for you. His hand around your waist.” I shrug and look out the window “I don’t know, maybe because he thought of me as an object more than a person. His meat shield.” Hopefully by telling him everything he wants to hear it’ll help me get him off my back, even if those said answers aren’t how I truly feel at all. He can’t find out I’m protecting San. From the corner of my eye I see Chris’s eyes move from looking at the door back to me “Did he ever do anything to you?” While looking out the window I run my finger along the IV tube “I don’t know I was drugged the majority of the time I was there, I can’t remember anything.” Chris puts his head down and rubs his forehead while gently tapping his foot on the floor “I swear to god y/n if he did anything to you…” I shake my head “Nah, despite how scary he is he never put his hands on me.” He raises an eyebrow “How do you know? You were drugged the whole time..” I look down at the dusty pink blanket on my body “Because he was the one who would make the beatings stop, besides I’m sure if he did anything to me my body would remember it. Instead I just remember that evreytime I was being beat he’d scold the person doing it.” That feeling, that pit in my stomach. My eyes well up with tears and Chris reaches for my hand “I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this. Just remembering it brings it all back” Chris nods giving me a reassuring hand squeeze “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. You should rest, we'll talk about it later when you feel better.” He adjusts my pillow slightly so that I'm able to lay back a little bit again. "Thanks Chris, you should nap too. You look exhausted." He gives me a weak smile "I should be watching you. It's okay." I shake my head "I insist, it's kind of weird knowing you're just watching me sleep. A nap will most definitely not hurt you." He looks into the distance and slowly nods his head almost like he was thinking whether or not he should do it "Alright, if that makes you comfortable y/ln, just know if I hear the door open I will wake up.." I chuckle nervously "Yeah, I know" I hope he falls into a deep sleep otherwise I'm screwed.

A few hours later I wait until Chris is fast asleep in his seat then I begin taking the tubes and IV’s off of me and I put on my pants and shoes making sure I also take the phone San gave me. I look over and glance over at chris to make sure he was still asleep then I carefully open the door wide enough for me to slip out the hospital. Luckily because of the lack of use my phone still had battery so I enter a gas station restroom near the hospital and call San. I anxiously hold the phone to my ear while it rang a few times then on the other line San answers the phone and excitedly I say “San?!” In a surprised tone he answers “y/n?! Where are you? Are you okay?” Relieved to hear his voice again I say in a slight hushed tone “I’m at the gas station bathroom a few blocks from the hospital, I escaped but um what about Wooyoung, is he okay?” I anxiously brush my index finger over the smooth surface of the back of the phone while I wait for him to answer. “He’s fine now angel eyes. He got a pierced lung but he’ll be okay don’t worry.” I let out a sigh of relief and smile “I’m glad he’s okay. I’m glad your best friend is still here with you.” He exhales a bit before he admiringly says “He wouldn’t have been saved if it wasn’t for you and your quick thinking, I don’t know how you did it but I’m so thankful.” There’s a long silence then he continues “ Do you want me to send someone to pick you up?” Immediately I respond “Yes please, I want to get out of here before anyone notices I’m gone” San answers me reassuringly “Don’t worry I’ll send your location to the nearest Associate just hang tight okay? Their code word will be “snow”, I’ll see you in a bit angel eyes I love you.” I gently bite my lip " I love you too. Sannie” I hear San chuckle on the other side of the line and immediately after the line goes dead. I turn and see myself in the mirror and realize I was wearing my ugly hospital gown so I decide to turn it inside out and make a makeshift tie up shirt out of it.. After I finish I sit on the counter of the bathroom and not even 10 minutes later there’s a knock at the door. I stay silent until a deep voice says “Snow.” I jump off the counter and run to open the door and see an average build man with a buzz cut and tattoos and a dark blue track suit “y/n ?” I nod then he motions me to walk behind him and says “Come on, the boss asked me to take you where they’re in hiding.” I nod and follow him into a black average looking car with dark tinted windows, his car reeked of cigarettes and the seats were pretty worn out, a nice way to blend in. Smart.

After 2 hours of driving we arrive at a parking lot at an undisclosed area since I couldn't tell where exactly we were because of how dark it was, all I know it was far away from both Ulwood and Lulens but unlike the HQ last time this location was in a city. I get out of the car and follow the heavily tattooed man into a weird tattoo shop, the buzzing of the tattoo gun was the very first thing I hear when I enter. Everyone in there (which wasn’t alot) seemed to either not notice or not to care kind of like it was a regular occurrence here. So when we make it to the back I notice a black metal door with a key pad, and as soon as he punches in the code the door clicks open and he motions me to walk inside then closes the door behind me. Which reminds me of this tough pill to swallow, I am once again under San's mercy by coming back..

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

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[emotionallychargedtowel]

Following up on my post about episodes 5 and 6, here are my thoughts on the mental health side of episodes 7 and 8 of The Eighth Sense.

Hey, @waitmyturtles, it's finally finished!

As in my last T8S post, I'll start by talking about what I see going on with Jae Won (and this time, to a lesser extent, with Ji Hyun), then get into my thoughts about what his therapist is up to.

Here’s what I’ll be talking about below:

lowered affect and psychomotor symptoms

the "freeze" response and the depressive side of PTSD

"I want to heal his wounds"

Jae Won's therapist: dancing over the line

the portrayal of mental health interventions in The Eighth Sense so far

what's next?

lowered affect and psychomotor symptoms

When it comes to Jae Won, I think for the most part his deal is readily apparent to anyone with a reasonable amount of insight, whether they have mental health training or not (though I hope my perspective might help clarify some stuff). As others have pointed out, he's incredibly numb and shut down. It's clear that he feels responsible for Ji Hyun's accident even before he says so directly to his therapist, and that he has some kind of distorted thought process that is telling him that staying away from Ji Hyun will keep him safer than if he allowed himself to be close to him again. This also functions as a way of protecting himself from experiencing another loss--if he doesn't have anyone in his life that he actually cares about, he can't get hurt that way again.

By the way, just like the capacity for self-blame I talked about last time, it's remarkable how readily people who've experienced trauma can form strong beliefs that don't make rational sense (often involving magical thinking) while seeing no reason to doubt those beliefs. For example, it seems pretty certain that Jae Won is consciously telling himself, "Everyone I love dies or gets taken away from me in some way, so if I love someone I'm putting them in danger." There's no possible way this could be true, but it feels like the truth to him and he's unable to see how obviously false this belief is.

A couple of the things we're seeing with Jae Won have psychological terms that can be used to describe them more precisely. You know how Jae Won's face is super expressionless for most of episodes 7 and 8? In psychology, we use the term "affect" to mean the expression of emotion in someone's face (and to a lesser extent, other parts of their body). ("Affect" has a really different meaning in other disciplines.) Identifying the type of lowered affect Jae Won has sheds some light on his emotional state. There are standard descriptors that psychologists and others use in reports and notes to talk about people's affect. "Broad" or "full" affect means a person shows a typical amount of emotion in their expression. "Labile" affect means that the person is showing disproportionately strong emotions; often these emotions change abruptly as well (for example, if someone laughs one moment and cries the next and neither seem appropriate to the situation). Then you have descriptors for people who are showing less emotion than normal. "Restricted" affect is somewhat subdued compared to full affect. Just like it sounds, it's as if the person is (consciously or unconsciously) restricting the amount of emotion they allow others to see. A step down from restricted is "blunted" affect, which is a pretty intense symptom. Someone with blunted affect shows very little emotion, even when talking about or experiencing something upsetting. Another step down is "flat" affect. I often see people using "flat affect" to describe a person who actually has blunted or just restricted affect, but flat affect is a lot more marked than that. True flat affect means that the person shows absolutely no emotion. It's extremely rare. You're highly unlikely to meet a person with flat affect in your daily life, unless you work in an inpatient mental health facility. Where is Jae Won on this scale? His affect is blunted. This is a very big deal! When someone is experiencing mental health symptoms so marked that their affect is blunted, especially almost all of the time as we observe in Jae Won's case, there is a lot of cause for concern. As you might imagine, it's often reflective of the person being very disconnected from their own emotions. This symptom can be associated with a number of diagnoses. Some of these involve psychotic symptoms, which might interest proponents of the "everything after episode four is a hallucination" theory. But it's also associated with PTSD and depression, and I think it's pretty clear that's at the root of Jae Won's deal. After all, his affect became blunted right after he was retraumatized and massively triggered by Ji Hyun's accident.

A great example of Jae Won's blunted affect happens in the scene where Ji Hyun finally gets him to talk to him in private and he keeps insisting that everything that happened between them "was nothing." It's not normal for someone to have almost no affect when having a conversation like this, no matter how they feel about the other person or their history with them. If their relationship really meant nothing to him, we'd expect Jae Won to look flippant, irritated, contemptuous, guilty, maybe superficially sympathetic, but we'd expect him to have some degree of affect. The fact that he can sit there, dead-eyed, during this conversation speaks volumes. Another term that applies here is "psychomotor retardation." Sometimes people say "psychomotor slowing" instead to avoid the connotations of that second word there. Or you may just hear about "psychomotor symptoms." In severe depression, people's speech, movements--really, just about everything they do can become slowed. If you've ever been around someone who was severely depressed, you may have observed this. I had a friend in college whose psychomotor symptoms got so intense during a depressive episode that I misunderstood and thought she was drunk. The fact that this is coming up for Jae Won is another giant red flag that he is in a massive amount of distress.

the "freeze" response and the depressive side of PTSD

Given how much informed trauma discussion happens on tumbr, I'm guessing a lot of folks reading this may already know that contemporary trauma scholars have added to the well-known "flight or flight" set of trauma responses. The most common change is to add "freeze" to the list to make it "fight, flight, or freeze." Some also add "appease," or "fawn." We're all familiar with the fight response to trauma (go toward the feared object and try to fight it) and the flight response (run away from it). The freeze response is analogous to instinctively playing dead when attacked by a dangerous wild animal, except it's usually automatic, something our body does whether we want it to or not. People having a freeze response may dissociate, or they may find it difficult or impossible to get their body to move. The "appease" response refers to an instinctive impulse to do anything and everything to appease a person who poses a threat. It's a trauma response that frequently comes up in partner abuse situations. The "fawn" response, sometimes called a "collapse" response, is a kind of last ditch attempt by your brain to disconnect from your body so thoroughly that you'll feel less pain as a result of the trauma. I'd group it with the "freeze" response--they're kind of like different degrees of the same thing, with fawn/collapse being even more extreme than freeze. I had a mentor, Dr. S, in one of my training positions who had put together his own model of how trauma works, one he had cobbled together from a number of sources. Usually when a mental health person tells you they have this kind of homemade theory bricolage deal it turns out to be a hot mess. But Dr. S was incredibly smart and experienced and his theory was coherent and useful. I wish I knew where he got the various components from. I know he was into somatic experiencing therapy and it was part of the model but there were other traditions he had pulled from as well. But the gist, as it applies here, is this: he categorized the acute trauma responses (fight, flight, etc.) into two main groups, activating on the one hand and freeze-y/deactivating on the other. And those acute responses, the responses that a person has in the moment when the trauma is happening or soon afterward, are related to how their PTSD symptoms manifest, if they develop it. According to Dr. S, people with PTSD usually have a sort of predominant tendency where their PTSD symptoms lean more toward the freeze-y side, which is the more depressive and dissociative side, or the fight and/or flight side, which involves more overt dysregulation, anger, risk-taking, and so forth.

The thing that made me think about Dr. S's model of trauma when I watched episodes 7 and 8 was something he always said about these different ways trauma shows up as symptoms. I wish I could remember the rationale--like, what the supposed reason was that things work this way--but I remember that once he pointed it out I started seeing examples of it everywhere. He said that if you're stuck in a freeze-y, depressive state with your PTSD symptoms, you can't move directly from that into a more healthy, engaged relationship with your emotions, your memories, and the world around you. Instead of going straight from freeze mode into something healthier, he said, you have to spend some time in fight/flight mode. It's like, metaphorically speaking, there's no path out of the freeze zone without passing through fight/flight territory.

Jae Won's PTSD typically shows up in a very freeze-y way. His depressive symptoms were his most noticeable ones from the start of the series. He dissociates rather readily. He was numb even before what happened with Ji Hyun, then gets even more numb. Actually, I'd bet that when he resisted his connection with Ji Hyun before, and to an extent in 7 and 8, one of his main reasons was that Ji Hyun makes him feel alive and that scares him. Ji Hyun makes him "thaw out" in a way he doesn't feel prepared for. And then, of course, as soon as he dares to let his guard down with someone and experience real connection, what happens? A new trauma and massive triggers for his past trauma. So he goes back into freeze mode with a vengeance.

And he gets really passive. Just sort of floating along. Not kissing Eun Ji back when she kisses him, but not saying no or pushing her away either. (Well, there's one extremely gentle push after which he takes the tiniest step back, but that's it.) When we see him alone, he's just lying in bed with his eyes wide open staring into space. But there is one thing that makes him wake up, something that puts him squarely into fight mode: Tae Hyung making shitty comments about Ji Hyun. As audience members, it's natural to want to cheer this on in part because Tae Hyung is such a dick and that was incredibly below-the-belt. But I think another part of what makes us want to applaud is that Jae Won is finally thawing out again. It's fleeting. And the way the show is edited drives this home even more since there's an abrupt cut from Jae Won pummeling Tae Hyung to him talking with their professor in his office looking incredibly spaced out. But it happens.

"I want to heal his wounds"

One thing I've noticed in more than one response to episodes 7 and 8 is people being critical of Ji Hyun's words when he tells Joon Pyo, "He wants to be seen as a strong person, but has a lot of wounds. And I want to heal his wounds." Basically, I'm seeing people say that it's up to Joon Pyo to heal himself and that it's naive of Ji Hyun to think that he can "heal" him. And to an extent, they have a point. If Ji Hyun claimed he was going to singlehandedly heal Jae Won's pain and trauma, it would be extremely unrealistic. Especially if he claimed he'd do it whether or not Jae Won participates. But he says he wants to heal Jae Won's wounds, and I think that's more reasonable. I would expect that most of us, in his shoes, would at least want that on some level, even if we don't think it's possible. But more than that, I think this is an example of a certain cultural attitude, one that (in my experience) seems more prevalent in individualistic cultures like those of the U.S. and much of Europe. It's related to the idea that "no one can love you until you love yourself." I find this attitude just as unrealistic, and just as riddled with wishful thinking, as the idea that we can heal a partner by our force of will alone without their participation. Because individualism is a wishful fantasy in a way. It tells us that we can fix ourselves without having to worry about making connections with others or whether those others will be willing or able to give us the love we need. But we can't just wish away our relational needs.

Human beings are relational creatures. We develop from birth through our relationships with others. These relationships can be damaging or they can be supportive and strengthening (or, of course, both). We don't have to wait until we are perfectly self-sufficient before we're capable of receiving love, deserving of love, or able to benefit from love. When someone loves us deeply and shows that to us, when they show their love through caring for us, it makes a difference in our lives. Of course it does! And if we are completely lacking in that kind of love, life is harder for us. I could go off for pages and pages about this and I may well do so here one of these days. For now I'll say that if you're interested in combating your individualistic bias and thinking in a new way about the fundamentally relational nature of humanity, I highly recommend the first section of Kenneth Gergen's book Relational Being--it's phenomenal. (I first read it on a long bus commute and I was gasping so much that people started giving me looks. And I normally never gasp aloud at a book.) Stan Tatkin's work on attachment dynamics in couples is also really instructive here. Tatkin talks about how we've been conditioned to think it's burdensome and excessive to ask for our partners to be there for us and take care of us in certain ways that are actually imminently reasonable and part of a healthy relationship. This isn't to say that there's no such thing as a burdensome demand or an onerous expectation of a partner. But there's a whole class of caring for others that gets stigmatized in our culture that's actually not only OK but healthy and beneficial.

What about Ji Hyun? I think it's not unlikely, given his age and lack of relationship history, that he's being a bit overly idealistic. But I also think it shows an admirable degree of self-awareness that he sees that he has a desire to heal Jae Won. And honestly? He already has healed him to an extent, even if subsequent events seem to have undone it. He can't heal Jae Won just by loving him. Jae Won would have to allow himself to be close to Ji Hyun again for that to happen, and he'd also have to open himself up enough emotionally to take in what Ji Hyun has to offer. And in order for him to heal in a substantial way--for example, to stop having an active case of PTSD--he'd also have to put in some independent effort. But it's also true that if Jae Won lets him, Ji Hyun actually could make a real difference in Jae Won's healing. And Jae Won could do the same for Ji Hyun.

Jae Won's therapist: dancing over the line

Jae Won's therapist/psychiatrist has been playing around with boundaries a bit since we first encountered her. Her "just tell me what your worries are!" joke ventured a bit close to a boundary line for me, but it stayed on the right side and made sense in context so I considered it pretty skillful. Sometimes getting close to those therapy boundaries is actually really powerful. I mean, it may sound like this would just be a lapse, and then we could debate whether or not it was forgivable. But actually, playing with therapy boundaries in a careful way that doesn't go too far can be an particularly good idea, depending on the situation and the client. Sometimes factors like the formality of therapy, clients' idealization of their therapist, their worries about seeming like a good person or being a "good client," and so forth can lead to the therapy process getting completely stuck. Calling some of these things into question can be really useful.

So initially, I thought Jae Won's therapist was handling this sort of thing well. At the same time, I was concerned that she might overdo it. I had a therapist once who played around with boundaries in a safe, careful way at first, and it really benefited me, but later, he was careless about some important boundaries and actually crossed the line to the point where I had to stop working with him. I didn't know if she'd do this, but I worried about it. Then episodes 7 and 8 happened.

Some folks have taken issue with her saying to Jae Won, "Why didn't you visit recently? I almost couldn't pay my rent because you stopped coming. You know every minute counts for the consultation fee, right?" I do think she's getting into risky territory here, but she ends up on the right side of the line by my standards (albeit barely). It should be completely obvious that Jae Won's attendance at their appointments doesn't make that huge of a difference in her bottom line. I actually see some reasons to believe she's likely an administrator or instructor/professor in addition to her clinical work (I'd be happy to explain my reasons but I'm trying not to get too far in the weeds). So she likely has other things to do besides see clients. And she's the kind of clinician that probably has plenty of clients. But no matter what her job entails, the fees from one client who sees her biweekly are not going to make or break her financially. She's trying to make light of her worry when Jae Won missed appointments (probably two, since a month has passed and that would mean two biweekly sessions). Then there's the exchange about her experiences with clients dying by suicide. There are aspects of it that seem OK to me, but she crosses the line in my estimation.

When she first raises the topic, she asks him, "Did you think about extreme decisions?" This set off alarm bells for me. It's important that therapists show that they're able to speak clearly and explicitly about suicidality. Using euphemisms or beating around the bush conveys a lack of confidence and comfort with the topic that could undermine clients' faith in the therapist or make the therapist seem like someone they have to protect from learning about their suicidal thoughts or intentions. Thankfully, she switched to more direct terms quickly, so I felt like that made up for her initial vagueness.

Then she talks about how "the hardest time" in her work is "when my patients commit suicide." But instead of talking about the loss she would feel in that situation, she quickly pivots to talking about how it's difficult to decide whether or not to attend these clients' funerals. It's a weird turn. It makes it sound as if the hard part is navigating this funeral question rather than the actual loss of the patient. I'm sure that's not how she really feels, but this topic shift makes it sound that way.

I know that @waitmyturtles took issue with the way the therapist hashed out conflicting ideas around ethics in a conversation with a client, and I do think that's almost always something that should be avoided. But I also think if she had done it in the right way, it could have been OK or even a good idea. Why? Because as I wrote above, one good reason to mess around with therapy boundaries sometimes is in order to undermine the idealization of the therapist when it gets out of hand. In other words, sometimes clients need to see firsthand that therapists are human beings too and that they make mistakes and have growth areas--and that they feel confused about how to navigate some professional situations, as she talks about here. It's demystifying in a way that can be beneficial. My biggest concern is actually the fact that she's doing this around the topic of client suicide.

Even though she plays it off somewhat by seguing into an ethical quandary about funerals, Jae Won's therapist is still raising the subject of how patients' suicides affect her. And this is where I think she's really playing with fire.

There's nothing wrong with a therapist acknowledging that when/if a client ends their life, they are/would be strongly affected. To pretend otherwise would not only be disingenuous, it would make the therapist seem unfeeling and cold. But it's risky to do anything that might center oneself in the conversation about a client's suicidality. Basically, saying you worry about a client, saying you would be very sad if they died, and so forth can be not only OK but advisable if done judiciously. But spending a substantial amount of time talking about yourself when you're sitting with a client who has a substantial suicide risk is insensitive and dangerous.

Of course, this is partly because centering oneself as a therapist is almost always counter-therapeutic (not to mention shitty and wrong). But if a therapist centers themselves around this specific topic, it could also lead to losing access to vital information about the client's thoughts, intentions, and risk level.

If I'm seeing a therapist who I have a good rapport with, I'm going to be concerned if it appears I might hurt them. I may even be highly motivated to try to protect them. If I'm having suicidal ideation but I think telling my therapist about it will upset, overwhelm or frighten them? If I'm being told right and left how distressing client suicide is for them? I now have a very good reason to keep my suicidal ideation a secret. Once a therapist loses a client's trust that they can safely disclose their suicidal thoughts and intentions to them, risks immediately go way up. Bottom line: if a client doesn't feel safe telling you about that stuff, you can't help them when they're in crisis. You're operating in the dark, without access to critical information.

I continue to believe that Jae Won is at a substantial risk of suicide and/or self-harm. And he has shown time and again that he tends not to disclose much in therapy even when he's at his best. This is no time to play around with this stuff. His therapist needs to show him that she's a steadfast, safe, concerned, but also reasonably neutral figure right now if she wants to have any hope of keeping him safe. And she failed to do that in episode 7.

the portrayal of mental health interventions in The Eighth Sense so far

As before, I think that the show has shown Jae Won's therapist in a mostly positive light in the latest episodes. And without a doubt, it's a good thing that therapy is being shown at all here. But one thing we haven't seen so far is an instance of therapy actually helping Jae Won in any observable way. And I'm becoming increasingly convinced that the series will end without any specific benefit from therapy being shown. I get that this is a love story and the emphasis is bound to be on the ways in which Ji Hyun and Jae Won can make a difference in each other's lives. But if you're going to portray therapy at all, you really ought to include at least some sort of potential benefit from it. Otherwise you run the risk of sending the message that while therapy might not be actively bad, it's also not something that will help someone in a meaningful way.

I'm also concerned about how psychoactive medication is being portrayed in this series. There's been a lot of talk of prescriptions. In the deleted scene that's been making the rounds, the camera pans down at Jae Won's pill bottles as if to call attention to them, emphasizing them at a time when Jae Won seems to be falling apart. Maybe these are hints that Jae Won is going to misuse his medication at some point, or maybe not. But currently, they function as a kind of commentary. The implication seems to be something like, "Look how fucked up Jae Won is right now. He even has to take medication for his mental health!" It makes it seem like someone taking psych meds is a sad or worrisome thing on its own. This is exploitative and supportive of mental health stigma. If it turns out these cues were foreshadowing Jae Won misusing his medication to self-harm, the generalized medication stigma aspect could be less of a concern, but it still wouldn’t exactly be a progressive portrayal of mental health care. I hope the show's creators pull back from this or find a way to make it all worthwhile, but I'm becoming less hopeful about that as well.

what's next?

I have some thoughts about what's coming next for the story based on what we've seen so far. Well, I have a lot of thoughts on that subject, but I'm going to confine myself to those I see as mental health-related here.

There's a chance that Jae Won could engage in some kind of self-harm or make a move to try to end his life. It's hardly certain this will happen, but it wouldn't be out of left field. Given the attention paid at various points to Jae Won's medications, the most likely avenue of self-harm seems to be misusing them.

One potential turning point could happen if events bring up Jae Won's protectiveness toward Ji Hyun. This could come up due to something really overt if he has reason to believe Ji Hyun is physically in danger, but it's at least as likely to come up if he sees other people mistreating him. If Eun Ji continues to try to bully Ji Hyun and Jae Won witnesses it, or if Tae Hyung lashes out at him, this could have a big effect on Jae Won. After all, even in his highly depressed and dissociated state after Ji Hyun's accident, the one thing that brought him back to himself was Tae Hyung's shitty comment. I would tie this back to the idea I mentioned above, that the path from long-term freeze mode to something healthier may need to involve passing through a more activated, aggressive state in the process. Jae Won's protectiveness toward Ji Hyun could be the catalyst that causes this type of shift for him.

[rafent]

𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐀𝐋: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐆𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆

a character synopsis.

Rafal is the late bloomer, the black sheep, the ugly duckling. A child of Sombron without the ability to transform and without an other half in a world where Fell Dragons are conceived in sets of twins. The ignoble weakling who not only detests his own infirmities, but will do anything to detach himself from them and attain the strength he’s always dreamed of. And does so to extremes.

Rafal: "I could not transform, no matter how I wished for it. I was a powerless whelp. A failure. I was convinced I would not survive long."

Nel: "You had so...little hope."

Rafal's total responsibility over his sins are suspect with Sombron's influence. But he claims ownership regardless, adamantly denying that his father played a part in his actions because the outcome is one he wanted for himself. Because achieving power is Rafal's more important truth and nothing else matters. Because there's nothing this ugly duckling would rather be than strong. That insistence speaks to how much more egregious it is for Rafal to be weak than evil. Dubious. Illuminating. Wonderful.

From the beginning of his life he was lonely and powerless, clinging to life by a thread unable to fathom whether he’d survive today and tomorrow, on this day or the next. After eking out his existence in Gradlon's cesspool, chances of his survival eventually grew so slim he had no choice but to flee from his own kingdom with his older sister, and was wholly dependent on her. In this state Rafal was surviving, but in his mind he wasn’t totally living. 

This is because he's a creature of not only lack but intensity. So intense that he’s able to retain his original sense of identity after centuries of pretending to be Nil, that not even a thousand years of isolation could deteriorate his mental state. No psychological runoff from these traumatic events, no aftereffects - complete and utter testament to his sheer force of will. So intense that Rafal rebuked the attempted absolution of his blame. How dare it be implied that his agency was second fiddle to anyone else, much less to a dead man.

That’s the kind of intensity we're talking about, being contained within Nil after all this time like seams threatening to burst. It’s no wonder that he resented being the way that he was; weak, flawed, and incapable. Lacking.

Rafal: "Your past reminded me of my own. I, too, was weak in my youth. Always falling behind. Ashamed to rely on others for protection, I began a lifelong pursuit of strength."

And Rafal was always lacking. Always ashamed for it.

When he and Nel left Gradlon I don’t think this was the solution. I think this was actually the exacerbating factor; the beginning of the end. Everything Rafal later said as Nil on the surface would be true to himself on the inside. Rankling misgivings and bottled up resentment, all seeping out as Freudian slips.

A prince of his own kingdom and a fugitive prince who also runs from it. Why must his ineptitude as a 'powerless whelp' translate to him and his sister completely uprooting from their birthright and way of life? This is a thought that I don’t doubt stayed with Rafal forever, that severance from Gradlon was a result of his shortcomings. That their diaspora is his own fault. And so was every instance of their running, all to protect the fragile prince in the tower even when the dragon could perfectly defend herself.

Nil: "And I, as you know, am a failure. I am only alive because Nel and I fled from Sombron together."

Nel: "I have said it before, and I will say it again. You are not a failure, Nil."

Nil: "I'm sorry. I know it upsets you when I speak that way. But Nel is much stronger than I am. She could face any opponent...if not for me."

These crippling feelings of being a burden were, ironically, a burden on Rafal. Even his personal skill as Nil is a mirror to this side of himself by the name 'Wounded Pride'. Pride in that way is a core aspect of Rafal. Not just a matter of excessive delight in one’s achievements, but to Rafal the most vital capacity to live without shame.

What brings him shame? Forcing Nel’s hand to elope from Gradlon with him, being unable to protect her as equally as she is protecting him. Hampering the use of her full strength and the stifling inability to do anything on his own. The anecdote he provides for Nel when he thinks her unconscious is illuminating, because it’s these sort of silent, unseen indignities that privately ate away at Rafal and built up over the ceaseless time of his Fell Dragon lifespan.

Rafal: "I am reminded of when we were young. You always slept deeper and later than me. I would wait anxiously for you to awaken. Outside, the world was full of foes. I could do nothing on my own."

It's important to note that even when he grew inured to his new life, even when the scars of his past began to slowly heal in Lythos with Nel and the Divine One at his side, Rafal never forgot what he lacked. He couldn’t accept happiness because it wasn’t his to accept on Nil's false identity. He couldn't accept weakness either because it was his greatest insecurity during his childhood, then again for the Divine One's fatal war.

So what was left?

Power remained his most guiltless and innermost desire. He didn’t want to be the lamb always wanting for strength. He wanted to be the wolf who already had it, capable of both protecting himself and protecting Nel as he and the true Nil mutually wished. Rafal's attraction to power is therein well-explained. But in my eyes, there is also a subconscious aspect to Rafal's desire to fight Nel in the last Fell Xenologue chapter. A complexity that can only exist in the choice context of alternate Gradlon.

Nil: "Haha, isn't it wonderful?! At last, we will face other as true peers! And when that struggle ends…you can put an end to me."

Nil's hysterics under Sombron's spell are often unreliable, at one point he even romanticizes twins who kill each other. But in view of Rafal's ignominy, they make more sense. He's the kid who never peaked, the only Fell Child without a twin to complete both a two-sided bond and the right of their blood. Now, centuries later, he's tracing the steps of Gradlon’s closest and strongest dragons that he never got to walk, from killing all his siblings to fighting his twin to the death. The Ugly Duckling's honest even if twisted attempt to reinvent himself. Even if Rafal doesn't realize it himself.

[leptonyx-constellate]

heglo. this is our plurality blog. we are a polyfragmented gateway spiritual hivemind that has DID. collectively, our pronouns are it/its, hy/hym, and ze/hir. do not use they/them for us. we also dislike being called a system thanks to being a stickler for semantics; please call us a collective, constellate, or hivemind instead. (plural is good too). we also dislike being called alters and prefer being called headmates or drones.

[IDs in alt text]

collective identities (both ones that we're looking for coining posts of and that we've already found) frequent fronter directory our DID & polyfragmentation our origins & functioning on Wolf other blogs

note: we went through OEA/RAMCOA as a young child. we only found this out relatively recently, thanks to an old programmed layer made up of almost solely littles coming back. we're still figuring it out ourselves and it is a very raw wound now that the "bandages" (amnesia) have come off. please don't ask questions or try to trigger programming. because of all of this, parts of the posts in the directory (especially "our DID & polyfragmentation" and "our origins & functioning") may no longer be accurate; we will update them when we have the time and emotional + mental fortitude to do so.

outside of the plurality stuff: we're physically disabled + a mobility aid user; we're autistic, ADHD, ASPD, NPD, AvPD, and schizophrenic. we're considered a "clinical lycanthrope", but don't believe it's a delusion. we are bodily a young adult.

[IDs in alt text]

"block on sight" list: - "anti-endos and those willing to be friends with or regularly interact with them", shove off - fakeclaimer AND/OR think people faking plurality is a legitimate issue. this includes "i believe [endos] are plural, i just think they don't remember their trauma" and any variant - "if you believe in thought crimes--in ANY fashion--shove off" [note: this means we're proship/profic. follow your own DNI; self-identified antis get blocked on sight]. - if you're exclusionary in any way, we're the mspec alloaro transsexual male genderfaun butch gaybian the exclus are afraid of. - "systemhopping isn't real/is just introjecting another system's headmates"/"spiritual systems are actually psychological and in denial/dissociated from it". eat our fucking teeth. - if you're anti-RAMCOA systems. we may have more to say on this in the future, but for now, this is the piece we'll put forth.

Note: We reserve the right to block people who don't necessarily fall into this list; some folks may also be blocked on our main, but not on here, simply because we personally find their blogs triggering but don't want to block them from seeing this blog.

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#asks - all asks #ambiguous mail - we're very bad at tone, this is for asks who we can't tell if they're intended as hate #hate mail - hate asks (probably won't post many, if any of these unless we're proving a point) #ask games - both reblogged posts for the ask games and asks for those games!

#vent - vent posts #werebeastliness - anything regarding us being a physical werebeast (note: will not ever be tagged as unreality; it is, at the very least, real for us, and tagging it as unreality would be reality checking if not just entirely false. if this makes you uncomfortable, block the tag or block us) #queerness - anything regarding our queerness #other neurodivergencies - anything about our other neurodivergencies #physdis - anything about our physical disabilities

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tag list subject to change

[renjibozo]

episode 8 trailer dropped, you know what that means !

guess who's back for another prediction.

ok first off before i put the cut, i just think rei's english is so pleasant to the ears that's all

okay spoiler territory time

(edited a little to add in a little something)

it seems we're finally at that point of PV 2 and 3 where they started planning and preparing a birthday !

but first let me just cry about how cute the conversation between kazuki and rei are before i get into the topic of the scenes playing in the trailer

(don't trust my translation 100% i am only going off of how i understand it with limited knowledge)

Rei: Because Miri came, I started to feel the seasons. Kazuki: That's true∼ Rei: And I thought summer was just hot. Kazuki: You do become more of a hikikomori when the summer comes... Rei: Summer was just limited to coolers, but... Kazuki: But? Rei: There were... also days where I thought the sunlight was nice

also this

Rei: It's the first time that I've ever thought that I liked this weather Kazuki: Barbecuing on tiles sounds good too Rei: I'll have to refuse. Kazuki: Eeh?

i love how rei's a little more talkative and especially about his likes and dislikes when it comes to summer

anyways onto the scenes!

kazuki and miri are preparing but i'm still not sure if they're preparing for rei's birthday because putting kazurei's conversation aside, it should be related to the episode still like the previous trailer for episode 7

since miri's zoo trip is over and the rainy season was shown in episode 7, and kazurei talked about the summer weather, i can only guess that it really is gonna be a rei birthday thing because no way is it miri's birthday bc hers is in november, and her acquisition was in christmas eve

rei bday might be somewhere between june to september

i will cry if i get this correct

the suwa manor i assume??

we don't really see rei outside of the house on his own especially in work attire so this is new new

this implies that despite kyutaro once looking at rei saying he knows the consequences of betraying the organization the most, he is in contact with his boss (father)

did he have an escape attempt once? is this episode going to elaborate on that? this seems more of a rei backstory episode after kazuki's backstory episode

local malewife malewifing as usual, nothing out of the ordinary except he looks just a bit more natural in his position rather than vaguely distressed

im willing to bet kazuki's the one who did her hairstyle because i feel like rei would just accidentally tug on her hair every few seconds but i might be proven wrong or they never show us

favorite child and unfavorite child face off? they have similar facial structures and hair strand placement

the color contrasts is screeching into my face as well

(also i just think rei looks like slender man in that screenshot jesus christ he is terrifying)

now why is this man here

he cannot be related at all so whats he doing here !! was he hired by rei's boss to take care of him or something !!!! curious. so curious

i really do wonder what sort of conversation they're having in the midst of a gunfight inside a ship

maybe the organization found out about miri and them taking in miri?

the infamous "Rei-papa looks lonely sometimes" scene which really just wants me to think its a rei bday episode

NOW WHAT IS THIS !!!! HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED LITTLE CRINGEMAN

he's showing too much emotion so i'm convinced that there was a threat made to miri and kazuki by favorite poster suwa child

we never see this man with any kind of scratch or wound from episodes 1 to 7 during gunfights, but we see him a little roughed up in this scene for once which really screams this man might be nearly superhuman but he is not Immune to physical damage (nor is he immune to psychological warfare)

this episode has me hyped because it seems like a tenser vibe compared to kazuki's more melancholy confrontation with his past which he ends up coming to terms with

hopefully rei does get back home safe and sound even if he gets a wound or two, manifesting!!

thats all folks, thanks for coming to my newest installment of yuzu loves overanalyzing 40 seconds of footage

[asksebs]

"Fair enough. Business has always sounded boring to me, if not greatly overwhelming. It's just not what interests me either."

"For a long time, I was set on psychology, actually. Human nature can be brutal, but it's interesting, too. I had a natural affinity for that stuff, but maybe it was just because of the way I was raised. Before psychology was an interest in art; I drew a lot, so that's what any kid's mind goes to when they think something is fun. It's a broad enough topic that you can fantasize about it, but when I got older and rationalized, I realized I could never keep up with deadlines like that and I would burn out fast if I made art my job. And after psychology came technology, now I'm here, hah."

"I actually haven't drawn anything that's not plan-related in years. After I started dating this one girl in college, she made me forget about a lot of the things I loved.. And not in the greatest way, either. It's not like being with her was more fun, it's just that she kind of pushed me out of it." They adjust themself; blabbering on about things that don't matter makes them feel uncomfortable, itchy, wounded. He visibly curls in on himself while working. "We're not together anymore, thank god. But all of that was really unrelated to what we were talking about before, sorry."

- "Smiley" anon / [The Engineer]

The shopkeeper listened understandingly, allowing Lucky to finish speaking before saying anything.

“Don’t apologize, I honestly don’t mind. I’m just glad to hear that A, you’re no longer in a relationship that you thought wasn’t working out and only causing harm, and B, that you ended up doing something that you wanted to do.”

He paused again for a moment, simply watching the other work before continuing.

“So, how did it go..? Studying technology, I mean. Was it a full four years, or..?”