#we're going to be in this dumb spiral for A While

[comediakaidanovsky]

[ turtleneck chants increasing ]

[murdrdocs]

drunk reader; drunk and sad girl trope; reader is taken advantage of (but consensually?); DARK(er) CONTENT AHEAD MDNI 18+ w/ ART DONALDSON & PATRICK ZWEIG

your date had gone poorly. it was obvious over the phone when you called art, begging him to come pick you up through sniffles and harsh dismissals of "i'm fine". you only managed to get art off of the phone by telling him that you were running out of minutes, but he was at the restaurant not long after, pulling up with patrick in the passenger seat.

and they wouldn't leave you alone. they wouldn't turn the radio up and drown out your sniffles and poorly masked sobs with music. patrick kept turning around to look at you and art kept sneaking glances in the rear view mirror. they were worried sick, so it was only natural that they began damage control when they got to your place.

patrick on alcohol duty. art on therapist duty.

patrick peddled drink after drink into your hand at your request with no concern for how much you were drinking. he only began to care when your words slurred, only then did he take the drinks out of your hand and put them out of reach, downing a few himself or passing them to art.

you weren't drunk, that's what he kept telling himself as he let his eyes roam over your body, eyesight dipping to get a glimpse of your cleavage when you would lean over to try to reach for another drink. when he let his hand fall to your thigh, it was to tether you back to here, keeping you from spiraling into your recollection of how bad the date went. that's all.

meanwhile, art was hearing you out. his features softened into an understanding pout while he listened to you detail every single thing about the date. the people sitting around you, the menu options, the horrible jokes your date made.

he sat there wondering how you could go out with a guy like that. wondering why you were even excited to see the guy in the first place because no matter how often you repeat yourself, claiming you didn't even want that guy that much anyway, art knows.

he remembers how giddily you called him earlier in the afternoon, ready to turn down his suggestions to hang out because you were busy. you had a date, and you said it like it was the best thing to ever happen to you. he can't help but feel a little glad that your date went wrong, especially when you bury your head in his neck and let him caress your back while you cry off even more of your makeup.

you're so soft. so warm. so pliant from the mix of alcohol, sadness, and comfortability in this moment.

earlier that afternoon, when the call to art became a three way call with patrick, there was a joke made. a sly, "if you come home drunk and sad we're gonna take advantage of you" from patrick's lips.

you rolled your eyes at the time, scoffing and exclaiming, "gross!" at your friend's obscenity. art had acted on your defense, chastising patrick while trying to clear the image out of his head.

and patrick was quick to apologize, assuring that he didn't mean it. "it's a joke!" said over and over again above the sound of your rejection and art's protection meddling together.

and it had been a joke at the time. they would never do that to you. but there's something here, some vibe that's unexplainable through the maze of hormones running throughout all of you. for some reason, when you lift your head from art's neck, wipe under your eyes, and look between art and patrick, they consider it.

they only take a moment to think about it when you tell them, "take advantage of me," the words spoken clearly. meticulously. soberly.

so they do.

they don’t have to kiss you stupid. you’re already dumbed down when art presses his lips to yours. it doesn’t take any coaxing at all for you to part your legs for patrick.

they’ve never seen you this compliant. after being used to your eye rolls and jokes at their expense, they started to figure that’s what you would be like in bed. patrick believed you would be bossy, telling him what to do. art didn’t mind the thought, not when patrick painted a picture for him. but art likes how he’s able to tell you what to do.

he likes that when he tells you to lift your hands above your head, you do. he likes that you lay back when he tells you to. he likes that you wrap your lips around his cock when he presents it in front of your face.

it’s nearly impossible to tell that you had even been saving yourself for another man when they have you like this. when you’re on your hands and knees, taking patrick from the back and art from the front, it’s absurd to even believe that you wanted to fuck a completely different man tonight.

they’re making you feel good. they’re making you feel better than your lousy date could’ve ever dreamed of. they’re fucking the thoughts out of your mind, replacing the horrors of your night with something pleasurable. something to make it all worth it.

because if you hadn’t gone out tonight, you never would’ve met the guy who made you cry. if you hadn’t dolled yourself up earlier, your efforts never would’ve looked prettier coming off of you than it did going on you.

it’s all a beautiful display of the butterfly effect. not that any of you are thinking about that while you’re drunkenly slobbering on arts dick with lazy eyes, attempting to fuck yourself back onto patrick all the while.

[kingkat12]

unbearable (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, handjob, alcohol, graphic imagery, angst, mention of drugs, physical violence (almost), asshole teenage boys

summary: Roman had heard your no, respected your wishes, but now you were wondering how big of a blow it truly was for him to get his sexual advances rejected-- why was he blowing this so out of proportion? was something else maybe going on in that brain of his?

word count: 11,053 (am i on the brink of insanity maybe)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9

a/n: sorry for the wait!! school is driving me nuts... BUT SO IS ROMAN!!! GRRR, enjoy!!!<333

Vladimir Nabokov, the author of Lolita, once wrote to his wife; "I love you, I'm waiting for you unbearably,"

... Waiting for Roman was unbearable, too.

Shatteringly unbearable. Images of wanting to ball up into a contortion of nothingness haunted me, and the need to become a single entity of anger and despair clawed wounds into my skin. I kept imagining I would grow extra arms to help my body become a circle, an ouroboros, but not stopping at the tail-- a snake eating itself to death.

If I could eat myself, I would. Not like an apple, not with gentle nips-- no, I would sink my teeth into my flesh and tear, rip, pull with all my might. Pull, pull, until I nothing but a gushing wound. 

This is what Roman was driving me to. 

Is this a bearable state to be in? Constantly?

If I were to ask myself that question once more, I would answer that I no longer thought anything at all. I refused to. My brain stopped working properly the first time I saw him, anyway. Therefore none of my actions actually mattered. They had no consequence. No consequence at all, just like Roman probably saw his actions.

I should've listened to him the night we got together; "I shut down," he'd said. "I retaliate when I'm angry." Maybe I needed to be diagnozed with selective hearing? It was starting to seem as though I shut my ears whenever he spoke, only listening to the muffled sound of his voice as my pupils formed into pulsing hearts. 

Still, it seemed I wasn't the only one with selective hearing. If I closed my eyes, I could live through the moment I tried to tell Roman I wasn't up for having sex with him last night. It was like he didn't hear me, didn't register it; but in hindsight, it didn't feel like it was with ill intent. 

... Maybe this hearing thing actually needed to be addressed. Maybe we both needed a trip to the doctor's office to tell them we couldn't hear or think properly.

While we're there, I think I'd also like to have him referred to a therapist of sorts. Maybe he could learn how to communicate properly and not run off into the night when he doesn't get laid?

Oh, well-- a girl is allowed to dream. Get a little lost in her head. Sometimes, that's necessary. Especially in moments like these;

I spotted Roman beneath the bleachers with some of his friends, leaning against the metal structure. His hair was styled in the usual heartbreaker style, and the two upper unclasped buttons of his shirt allowed me to glance at the small area of exposed skin-- I spotted the vial of my blood around his neck, and the longer I stood here, I remembered how soft he was to the touch; especially when he was shirtless and on top of me. I hated how I was thinking about him like a dumb cat in heat. Still, I couldn't take my eyes off him; Roman seemed so carefree, laughing with his friends, unaware of how ridiculously handsome he looked. 

He should be jailed for walking around looking like that. For life, preferably. 

My eyes focused on the way he lazily balanced his cigarette between his fingers, taking slow, careful drags as he listened to his friend talk in the heat of the weather. Now, Roman was as different from yesterday as humanly possible-- I could still see the quiet, retreated version of him he had become last night after the rejection. The one that had practically thrown a fit about not getting laid, which quickly spiraled into what I could only categorize as a mental crisis. Had he been so shocked by getting a no that he had shot himself into existential dread? 

And why was his first conclusion that I didn't want him at all?

For a girl who just said she refused to think, I sure did a lot of it. I decided that enough was enough-- I needed to talk to him. Roman was my boyfriend after all, I should be able to do so.

Still, I couldn't remember the last time I felt this small as I made my way towards him, anxiously clearing my throat before I tapped Roman's shoulder. I hadn't managed to put much strength into the tap, and I was almost worried he wouldn't notice me--

One of his friends chimed in with a nasty grin, motioning for Roman to turn around; "Pretty girl, six o'clock," 

Roman turned his head to me, and it was clear that he hadn't expected to see me. His smile fell a little as he pulled his cigarette away from his lips, making sure to exhale upwards and away from my face. I spotted my hair ties around his wrist-- knowing he still wore them gave me a sense of ease. "Hey, sweets," Roman teased, casual as ever. "The catwalk ain't here, you gotta go down to the city center for that."

I rolled my eyes, watching the smug smirk form on his face as the rest of his friends snickered. Why was he acting so... normal? "Rome, we need to talk,"

"Well, fuck," he mumbled, turning to his friends with a playful shimmer in his green eyes. "It seems I'm in trouble, guys." It was as though he was egging them on as they all collectively ooh-ed, his loyal spectators, his royal servants. 

I didn't like this side of Roman. Jock-Roman. There were many sides of him I didn't like, actually. Or was it maybe that I didn't like myself for liking him at all? This was becoming more of a mind-fuck than expected. And if we were to play mind games, I knew where to strike; "Roman, either you fucking talk to me like a grown man, or I sit down in Daniel's lap during lunch today. Your choice," 

His head turned towards me with nearly inhuman speed, no trace of any humour on his face anymore. The sudden change was chilling-- I would've shivered, had I not expected it. The oohs only got louder from the group of boys, and I watched Roman's eye twitch as he threw his cigarette down to the floor, stomping it. Still, I didn't break eye contact; I had read somewhere that dogs battled for dominance this way. Since when were Roman and I no better than dogs? 

Roman turned to his pack; "Scram," he said, nodding for them to leave. 

They were gone within seconds. 

He turned to me, a tired look about him. "Talk, then,"

"No," I placed myself before him, watching his green eyes follow me. "That's not how a conversation works. One person says something, and the other one responds. Would you like to try that out, maybe practice a little? It seems you didn't do enough of that in elementary school."

Roman scoffed, rolling his eyes as he stuffed his hands into his front pockets. "How sweet of you,"

"What can I say? I'm patient like that,"

"You'd be good with kids,"

"How great that you're acting like a child, then," I sighed, realizing that I needed a different strategy if I wanted to get anything out of this conversation. For now, Roman remained silent, probably holding back a long string of curses. I took another step forward, and I was immediately embraced by the scent of his cologne. Fuck, how I loved the expensive smell of Roman. Still, I knew I had to get myself together; I let my eyes soften as I looked up at him. "You haven't answered any of my calls or messages... I don't get what's going on in your head. I'm simply trying to understand, but you're just running away. Again."

Roman's eyelids hung heavy over his eyes, lashes fluttering lazily as he met my gaze. He let out a loud sigh; "Maybe I just need space? Did you ever weigh that option?" 

"... Do you want space?" This was so damn confusing. "You wanted to be as close as humanly possible last night, though?"

Roman scoffed again-- was it a laugh? He didn't say anything as he looked away, possibly to think. Like this, I spotted the vial again; I let out a relieved breath. To be honest, a part of me was worried he'd take it off. 

Finally, he spoke; "I need some time. Time to think,"

"Think about what?" This was making my heart speed up. "Roman, you're worrying me."

He shrugged, still not meeting my gaze. "Just... time. Is that so damn hard to give?" 

God, how I hated his tone. Hated the way he spoke to me right now, hated it all. It pushed me to say my deepest fear out loud; "If you're seriously breaking up with me because I didn't want to sleep with you with my parents on the other side of the wall, I sure hope you think very, very carefully,"

"What?" Roman seemed to snap out of it, finally looking at me. His brows were drawn together, confused; "I'm not breaking up with you. Aren't you breaking up with me?"

"What?" 

"... What?" 

We both looked at each other with bewilderment. It seemed we had both come to very, very different conclusions. 

"Roman, I'm not breaking up with you?" 

"... Why not?" 

"What?!" It felt like my brain was actively melting-- I groaned, rubbing my temples. "What on earth do you mean, why not?"

"I don't know!" Roman's brain seemed to be malfunctioning as well. He kicked off the metal of the bleachers, his mouth opening and closing as he frantically tried to find the right words. His hands were pulled out of his pockets, flailing; "Fuck, I'm confused! I'm gonna-- gonna hyperventilate, so I need to go. Need to-- Yeah, I'm leaving."

I couldn't believe how fast he took off. I hadn't seen anything like that before. Roman wasn't even running, he was simply walking with very, very long steps, and that was enough to be out of reach for me within seconds. 

I wanted to scream up at the sky-- what even was that conversation just now? The urge to drive my head into the bleachers became overwhelming, unbearable, but I opted to simply kick the structure instead. 

That was a miscalculation on my part. I hissed as the blow to my foot sent jolts of pain up my spine, and I winced as I suppressed the need to jump around on my other foot and look like a clown in the process. I cursed, leaning against the cold metal as I tried to steady my breathing.

This day was not going very well so far.

And it certainly didn't get any better when I heard the shuffling of small footsteps along the grass nearby. 

I should've known-- Letha stopped a few steps away from me, her blonde hair moving away from her face with the passing breeze. I blinked through the pain multiple times to make sure it really was her, that she actually had the nerve to walk up to me again. Sadly, I didn't have Roman to hide behind this time. But she looked so sweet with her hands clasped behind her, along with the unsure little tilt back and forth on her feet; "That didn't look very pleasant," Letha mumbled.

I didn't want to entertain this, yet I did. "What, the kick?"

"Well, that too," Letha's trying smile nearly broke my heart. I hated that we didn't know how to talk to each other anymore. "I meant the fight. Is he acting out?"

"... He's not a child, he's not acting out,"

"Didn't you just call him a child?"

"... He's my boyfriend, we're allowed to fight!" I gnarled. "And who the fuck are you to talk to me about this? How much of that conversation did you hear?"

Letha looked like I had just kicked her. "I always do my homework on the bleachers. You guys chose to fight right beneath me,"

Fuck. "You should've moved, then!--"

"It usually helps to dig into what set him off. And then, when you think you have the answer, rip it apart and look through the pieces," Letha's green eyes bore into mine, shimmering with traces of dimmed hope. "I have no idea what you're fighting about, but I've known Roman my whole life. That's how he operates, and... that's all I wanted to say. Hope I can be of some help."

An awkward silence fell over us like a damp blanket-- this was uncomfortable. Nonetheless, I stilled. A part of me recognized that Letha would've been the first to know of my problems with Roman, had we not had a falling out. Had she not iced me out, made me an outcast, turned all my friends against me, and practically shoved me down into the dirt. I would've confided in her, asked her for guidance, support-- I grieved our bond all over again. I gave in, shrugging; "Okay. Thanks,"

That seemed to take a weight off Letha's shoulders. As we stood in silence, simply gazing at one another, until her eyes slowly landed on my necklace. Roman's blood. It dawned on me that it was too late to tuck it beneath my shirt, and I awaited some sort of grief from her about it if she recognized what it was--

"Oh," she breathed. "It makes a little more sense, now."

"What does?"

"If he wears your blood around his neck as well, then it all makes perfect sense,"

"What does, Letha?"

The look she gave me sent a cold set of shivers down my spine. It was ominous, like I had been marked by death. Letha shrugged; "Of course he's... on edge, then,"

The chase was getting frustrating. "Care to go on, or are you just going to keep saying cryptic shit?"

"I can't!-- It's hard to explain!" Letha's shoulders slumped in defeat as her inner turmoil streaked her face. "Just imagine you're really, really broke, but you have a hundred dollar bill hanging around your neck... and under no circumstances can you use it." Her eyes nearly drilled holes into mine. "Would it not drive you crazy?"

Why did it sound like she was insinuating that Roman was a?--

No. 

No.

I didn't want to hear this. I didn't bother to give Letha a proper answer before I kicked off the metal of the bleachers, glaring at her as I passed her. "Stay away," I hissed, harshly nudging her shoulder. "Fuck off back to Barbieworld or wherever it is you came from."

As I marched back to the main building, I found it nearly impossible to steady my breathing. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I grasped the vial of blood around my neck, rubbing it between my fingers as my mind raced. 

It was only when I finally got to class and slumped down on the last free seat that I could think back to last night with a clearer vision than before.

The Avoidable Vampirism - The Upir had kept me up long enough to see the sunrise. I wanted to blame it on the author for writing such a captivating book. 

Still, the one thing I hated about literature such as this, was that it never actually said anything straight-forward. It always had to be a nonsense passage with lots of filler words and even more dancing around the actual message;

"Blood's effect on a upir is as much psychological as it is physical. Upirs tend to escalate small arguments in hopes of an eventual physical struggle, a battle that may wound, without properly understanding why. This may lead to a strong sense of insecurity which often settles in the upir's mind and festers, only drawing them forth to the dark road the curse wants them to venture."

That's what was written in the passage about upirs and blood. Nearly impossible to understand, and even further confusing, right? The worst must've been the passage that was written like a self-help book. Did the author seriously think upirs were real?

... Did I?

"And what happens when a upir is exposed to blood, you may ask? There are levels of control which range from person to person. Some may have gotten accustomed to the smell from having cut themselves in earlier years, and some may go into a spiral which is often misdiagnozed as mania in urban psychological trials. But some upirs are so assimilated, they can do experiments with blood or carry vials of it with them wherever they go— which is an inclination that should not be encouraged. The more the upir is around blood in a constant flow, the more the irritation festers, the anger boils, and the innate aggression settles."

And this is where I had to stop. I remember putting the book down to stare at the moon in the distance, wondering why on earth I had fallen into a loophole like this. I couldn't believe how many similarities I could draw between these supposed upirs and my boyfriend-- what did that say about Roman? He was possibly edgier than I had initially thought.

The more I thought about the similarities, the more insane I felt. 

... I needed to return this book to the library. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

"The both of you are like two rabid raccoons fighting over scraps in the New York City sewers," Peter grumbled, lazily sweeping the floor with his broom. 

I blinked, no longer rolling up cables as I turned to him. "... Do you have to use the craziest metaphors? And why is it always an animal?"

We had been assigned to clean up after an assembly later that same day, a task I had been able to evade up until now. So, when I spotted Peter also being forced to do this, we both huddled up in the corner of the auditorium backstage and started doing the most mundane tasks with the least effort to pass the time. However, it seemed he had been informed of my petty fight (or whatever the hell this was) with Roman, which was why he was back to making animal metaphors again. "Rabid raccoons..." I mumbled, reaching for a new cable to roll up. "Why the New York City sewers? Why raccoons?"

Peter shrugged; "Uh... Because raccoons are cool?"

Well, that's the thing with boys, isn't it-- there's pure static noise in their brains. I sighed, suppressing a chuckle as I continued my task. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the teacher wasn't catching us slacking off before I turned back to Peter. "Did Roman maybe mention that he thought I was going to break up with him over this?"

"Yeah," Peter also looked over at the teacher just to double check. "I told him it was nonsense, but he's spiraling. He's also gotten obsessed with the idea of joining a raw meat eating contest."

It was impossible not to roll my eyes. Boys. "Seriously, what is up with him these days? Please, bro-code aside, what the fuck is happening?"

I was sure the stupid upir book was the reason my heart jumped when Peter's gaze went straight to my necklace. It almost felt like he was wordlessly trying to hint something-- no, I needed to get this out of my head. 

Still, it chimed in my mind like an old clock;

There are even some upirs that are so assimilated, they can do experiments with blood or carry vials of it with them wherever they go— which is an inclination that should not be encouraged.

Should not be encouraged.

Should not be encouraged.

Peter's voice snapped me out of it-- "I think he's just going through withdrawal,"

"Withdrawal?" I echoed, turning my full attention towards him. That didn't sound good. "What do you mean, withdrawal? From what? He hasn't stopped smoking, if that's what you're talking about."

It seemed to dawn on Peter that he had said something he shouldn't have. His brown eyes widened and he cleared his throat, no longer sweeping the floor as he stopped in his tracks. "You don't know?"

"... You're killing me here,"

Peter sucked in a sharp breath, nodding to himself in defeat. "I would make you promise not to tell him I told you, but I bet you'll want to talk to him about this, so I won't even bother," His grip around the broom tightened; "So... Roman and I used to do coke together. A lot." When he didn't get a reaction, Peter grew visibly nervous. "It used to be the usual thing at parties. Roman always had a stash, and I'd join in from time to time... And he hasn't had a hit for a while, probably since you two got together, so all of this is probably just a part of the withdrawal."

Oh. I had forgotten about this. I blinked, tilting my head to the side as I gazed up at Peter with furrowed brows. Was that supposed to be a big reveal of sorts? Did he seriously think I didn't know that they used to do drugs? That I hadn't seen the both of them leaning over tables, snorting lines as I passed the room to check whether Roman was in there with a girl or not? This confirmed that they didn't notice me that one time I walked in on them in a bathroom while Roman was making the lines neat with his credit card. "Ah, so that's what that was?"

Peter's eyes widened; "... What?"

"The stuff you two were always snorting," Shrugging, I watched the look on his face distort into one of shock. It hit me that he hadn't known the true depths of how obsessed I used to be with Roman, and that I needed to get myself together before I revealed anything further damning; "Peter, I have a little something called vision. And a brain, for that matter. You guys aren't slick."

"We... aren't?"

It was impossible not to laugh, and I reached forward to nudge his shoulder. "Not in the least," To be honest, I was relieved to hear that Roman was coming off drugs and that my ridiculous upir-suspicions had been untrue. Maybe I could finally put all of that behind me and return the stupid book?

... Please. I was afraid I was going crazy.

He scoffed, moving away to continue sweeping the floors with a grumpy look on his face; "Anyway. That's the only explanation I have for you concerning what's up with him, but it's only an assumption. Maybe you should take a step back and let him come to you when he's done freaking out?" Peter glanced at me, almost as though he was plotting something. "Actually... I think I have the perfect thing to take your mind off this."

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I regretted it the second I said yes, and I regretted it even more right now.

I had never been the biggest fan of parties, mostly because I was used to constantly getting smacked in the face with the truth that Roman was a bit of a whore (an understatement). So as I stood on the front porch with Peter later that night, surrounded by his friends as I listened to them talk about football (I wasn't paying attention, so I wasn't actually sure of the subject), I couldn't help but feel that same dread as before. I knew that Roman was my boyfriend now, that he wasn't upstairs with some random girl at this party, but the smell of alcohol yanked me right back to the memories. Actually, he wasn't even here at all.

Clutching the empty can of my finished drink, I gently yanked at the hem of Peter's sweater to catch his attention. "This isn't helping," I mumbled, meeting his big, brown eyes. "I feel bad being at this party without Roman... If he finds out, he's going to think I'm here to cheat on him or something. He's insane like that."

Peter sighed, rolling his eyes as he pulled me aside from the group. "Look, you need to relax, okay? I have it all under control,"

"You... what?"

His mouth pulled into a straight line, realizing he had said too much. Again. "Remember what I said about Roman not being here?"

Oh no. Peter had watched too many rom-coms. "For fuck's sake," I breathed, feeling my heart speed up. "Please don't say you told the both of us to come here?"

As annoying as the situation already was, Peter only made it worse by grinning in my face. He shrugged, brushing the severity off; "Last time I saw him, he was playing beer-pong,"

I was two seconds away from wrapping my fingers around Peter's neck and strangling him to death. "So Roman is running around this party drunk, and maybe also high on coke again while he's ignoring me?" Now, I was even closer to ripping my hair out of my follicles; "Oh, what an amazing idea this was, Peter! What a genius you are, this is just fantastic!"

Peter huffed, placing a condescending hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. "He's not high, okay? Just go find him, preferably before he falls over in the pool. I've let him marinade for long enough."

I grimaced-- "Marinade?" I needed to learn to stop trying to decrypt whatever Peter was saying. It never made sense, anyway. "First of all, fuck you. And second..." I took a deep breath, realizing what I was about to do; "... Wish me luck."

My head started pounding to the same rhythm as the song blasting through the speakers when I made my way inside and waded through the crowd. I hated that I was in this situation in the first place, hated that I hadn't spoken to my boyfriend in about twenty-four hours, but most of all...

I hated Roman Godfrey.

I hated the way he made me feel, hated how crazy I had become in my pursuit of him, hated, hated, hated him. However, amid my rage storm, I got a whiff of the scent of cinnamon cigarettes-- that brought me out of the inferno. I could recognize that, mixed with Roman's cologne, anywhere. I instinctively turned, realizing I had passed by the door to the kitchen, and I could be sure my eyes nor sense of smell were deceiving me as I now stood frozen, staring up at my boyfriend's broad shoulders. 

Roman's back was turned to me, but I could see that he was playing another round of beer-pong with a couple of friends scattered around the table. He hadn't noticed me, and I made sure he wouldn't. Still, the one person that caught my eye, was the girl by the counter next to where Roman was standing. I hid my body around the corner, peeking in past the door to catch another glimpse of the girl--

Fuck. It was Jessica. The girl Roman had flirted with to make me jealous the same day I told Letha I had feelings for him. Everything about her made me sick; the way she was dangling her long legs off the counter, staring up at him with literal hearts in her eyes, and how she twirled her blonde hair around her pinky as she tried to catch his attention with multiple calls of his name.

Roman seemed calm, unbothered, until he finally acknowledged her with an annoyed hum. It was only when he turned to face her, having just finished his turn in the game, that I saw that he was now pulling a cigarette out of his signature red box. I let out a shaky sigh of relief as I spotted my hair ties still hanging around his wrist, but I didn't get much time with my comfort before Jessica spoke up. 

Her voice was so painfully nasal; "So are you really seeing her?"

Roman's brows drew together as he balanced a cigarette between his slender fingers. God, how I missed his hands on me. "Who?"

Jessica said my name, followed by a pout. "If it's true, then that's really fucking unexpected. I have English lit with her, and she doesn't seem like your type,"

Had I not been desperate to hear Roman's answer, I would've grabbed the nearby lamp and bashed her head in-- alcohol didn't seem to have the best effect on my thoughts tonight. Still, Roman didn't react much, now patting down his pockets for his lighter. "Yeah, I'm seeing her. She's my girl,"

She's my girl. It echoed in my head over and over. My girl.

However, Jessica didn't seem too pleased with this revelation. She rolled her eyes, letting go of her hair; "She's not even a cheerleader," 

"And? I'm tired of you lot," 

"Romie, come on!" The nickname nearly made me puke in my mouth, effectively wiping my smile off my face. I watched as Jessica proceeded to reach out and put a hand on his arm, pursing her lips like a dumb fucking bimbo-- "I don't think a girl like that could handle you... sexually."

Ew! I wanted to slam my head against the door. Would that relieve the pain of hearing this conversation?

But Jessica continued; "Everyone knows she's been crazy about you for some time now. Everyone except Letha knew, actually, but that girl is more gullible than a lamb! But you must be aware that your girlfriend thinks you walk on water? You're dating the epitome of your fucking stalker. But does that turn you on, maybe?"

Roman blinked twice before brushing Jessica's hand off with a silent scoff (finally). He found his lighter in his back pocket, lighting his cigarette as he rolled his eyes. "Shut your filthy whore mouth," he grumbled, cig sitting between his lips. When he was done lighting it, he held the lighter out dangerously close to Jessica's face-- "I'll burn your disgusting extensions right off."

She didn't seem too phased by it on the outside, but I could see the slight tremble in her hands as she now gripped the counter. Was this how Roman talked to other girls? How had I not noticed this before? "No need," Jessica said, gulping. "I can see you're taking her... seriously." She cleared her throat, letting out a shaky breath as Roman moved away. Jessica didn't have much time with her usual clean air before he blew the smoke from his cigarette in her face, and she quickly fell into a coughing fit.

I realized what I was watching when Roman smiled with evil glee at the sight of her pain. The version of Roman he used to be. It felt like I had opened a portal back to two months ago, before anything between us had happened and he was running around stabbing people with needles to get a rush.

"Of course I'm taking her seriously," Roman said, letting the cigarette rest between his lips. "I actually like her this time, unlike anything I've ever felt for you. She's sweet, and you're like... maggots crawling out from the depths of hell compared to her."

... Ouf. 

Jessica didn't seem to be taking this very well. Her blue eyes hardened, traces of tears welling up in her eyes as her grip on the counter tightened to the point where her knuckles started to whiten-- "You're lovely tonight, as always," she mumbled, hurt. Her voice grew bitter; "But where is your girl, then? Did you leave her at home to come here alone? 

Roman exhaled the smoke through his nose with one quick breath, turning to his friends when they called his name. He was thrown the beer-pong ball, and he effectively ignored Jessica's questions to play his turn in the game.

His lack of answers seemed to give her hope that he might stray. Jessica sat forward on the counter, drying any traces of welled-up tears as she lit up. "Oh, Romie," she purred-- I nearly threw up in my mouth again. "It's nice to see you don't change."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Roman turned to her, brows drawn together. 

Jessica sighed, once again reaching out to rest her hand on his bicep. The worst part was when she gave it a little squeeze and her eyes locked on him-- fuck. "One girl will never be enough for you. You're aware of that, right?" She moved further to the edge of the counter (could she not fall off already?), batting her lashes; "If you're here tonight because you're not satisfied, I know a few ways to... satisfy you."

That was it. This was sickening. Had I not been so nervous to hear Roman's response, I would've lunged forward and slammed her empty head down to the floor. However, I could only press my body against the wall I was hiding behind, listening to the dampening of my breath as my heart thumped harshly against my ribs-- this was torture. This was complete and utter torture. 

I'm waiting for you unbearably.

Unbearably. 

This was unbearable.

It felt as though my chest was caving in on itself, threatening to make me a ball of nothing again, until Roman finally moved; gripping Jessica's hand with two fingers, he removed her off of him as though he was disgusted to even be touching her. "Are you maybe a little hard of hearing? Perhaps you hit your head really hard when you were younger, I have no idea, but I'll make it nice and comprehensible for you, okay?" He exhaled another cloud of smoke, fogging up Jessica's face as he leaned in dangerously close, lowering his voice as he spoke; "I don't want you or your cheerleaders, and I never will again. Never."

I was two seconds away from fainting out of sheer happiness-- my cheeks reddened. This was everything I had ever hoped to hear from him, and my anxieties floated out of my body with my next sigh of relief. I was ready to step into the kitchen and save Roman from this situation, hoping he'd be happy to see me now that he'd had this conversation about his feelings for me, but my plans were abruptly stopped when I heard a familiar voice call out my name.

My anxiety zapped itself right back into me as I froze to my spot, waiting for the wall to swallow me whole, never to be seen again. No, no, no!

I could only watch as Daniel approached me, giddy as ever with a beer in his hand. Were the Gods above playing tricks on me, perhaps? It was clear that he was drunk, and he tried to get his blonde hair out of his eyes repeatedly as he now stood before me, a broad grin on his face. "Well, don't you look nice," 

Why was he speaking so loudly? I was afraid Roman would hear and come out to check if his suspicions were correct. "Thanks," I mumbled, anxiously wavering back and forth on my feet as I pondered whether to flee or not. "Look, Daniel, you shouldn't--"

"What, talk to you?" He leaned down a little, his mood immediately shifting as he said my name once more like venom. It was clear in his eyes that he had come up to me with an argument in mind. "Don't tell me the rumours are true and you're actually with that guy?" 

Oh, how little I wanted to have this conversation. I so desperately didn't want to. Not with Roman at hearing distance. "Yeah, I am,"

Daniel snorted, rolling his eyes as he pulled back with a pretentious chuckle. With the way he was swaying, I could see that he'd had at least five beers or so. It explained the disgusting ramble of words that ensued; "Shit... Didn't think you were brainless like that. You're just a dumb fucking slut just like the rest of them, aren't you? Can't believe I ever thought you were different... Nice guys truly finish last, don't they?" 

Nice? I grimaced. Did this guy genuinely think he was nice? I was shocked to realize I even thought so of him at one point. My lips parted in shock; I hadn't heard him talk like this before. This was nauseating. Still, I knew I had to snap back-- I was about to speak up, protect myself unlike how I had handled myself during the whole Letha-mess, but I didn't get a chance to. 

I didn't even have to look to know who was now standing in the door to the kitchen, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. Roman's eyes narrowed, locking in on Daniel's with a chilling look; "What did you just say to her?" he said, voice low, dangerous.

Daniel's smirk was immediately wiped off his face. "Fuck-- Fuck off, Godfrey. This is none of your business," 

"None of my business?" Roman echoed, tilting his head to the side as he feigned confusion. "Nah, that's not how this is gonna go down." He stepped away from the door, nearing Daniel with threatening steps. "You get a little drunk, and suddenly forget you fucking crumble at the sight of me? You're shaking, Goldman, but you have balls enough to insult my girl?" 

Now that Roman had pointed it out, I immediately saw it. Daniel's hand had a slight tremble as he clutched the can of beer harder with his next words; "You know she could do so much better than you, right?"

I held my breath, watching Roman's every movement. At this point, I was scared Daniel had hit too big of a homerun on that insult. 

I wondered when Roman would-- oh, there it was. With one last step forward, he managed to yank Daniel forward with a choking grip around the collar of his shirt. I felt my breath escape me with a gasp, unsure whether to intervene or not. "Roman, don't!--"

It was too late. Roman wasn't hearing me. Selective hearing. "If you wanna go, Goldman, then we're gonna go!" he raged, tightening his grip as he yanked Daniel forward like a ragdoll. "Don't be a fucking pussy, fight me if you're so keen on walking around with a black eye!"

I was both mortified and scared as I watched Daniel's face turn a peculiar shade of purple. I had never seen such a prominent look of fear in my life. His hands were clawing at Roman's as he sputtered incoherent squeaks, and after five seconds too long, Daniel was let out of the death grip. It took even less time for him to sprint out of our sight. 

Roman turned to me, brows still drawn together in fury. He was catching his breath, and he was not yet out of fight mode when he practically barked at me; "And since when have you been at this stupid party?!" 

"Ask Peter!" I squeaked. "It was his plan, all of it! He wanted us to talk!" Watching the confusion spread in Roman's green eyes, I cleared my throat before I continued; "Actually, I want us to talk as well... Could we please just?--"

Within a split second, he was gone. Gone. I stood by the wall, lips parting in complete and utter confusion-- how had he managed to disappear like that? Run off like that? Suddenly, my mind shot in a passage from The Avoidable Vampirism;

The classic traits of a upir:

Enhanced strength

Heightened senses

Mesmerization

Unnatural speed

-- No, stop it! I had to physically smack my head to snap out of it this time. Roman wasn't a fucking upir, he was just in withdrawal as Peter said! 

... Right?

The alcohol was certainly not helping my state right now.

As I stood glued to the wall like the biggest wallflower known to man, I pondered the question that had haunted me all day; why was Roman so scared to talk to me? After I had heard how he spoke of me to Jessica, and how he had just called me his girl to Daniel along with the whole fight for my honour, it surely couldn't be a question of his feelings towards me?

This seemed to be an evening of many flashbacks; Letha's words were suddenly ringing in my ears-- "It usually helps to dig into what set him off. And then, when you think you have the answer, rip it apart and look through the pieces,"

... Fine. Let's start.

What had set him off? It was clearly that I didn't want to sleep with him last night, right?

Okay-- Now I had to rip it apart and look through the pieces.

"Aren't you breaking up with me?" he'd asked earlier today. Roman seemed genuinely confused that I wasn't there to dump him. Had he really expected me to discard of him so quickly over a simple miscommunication? 

Then it hit me that Roman might be crazy enough to have avoided me all along because he thought the next conversation would be the one where I'd finish the job. 

With a loud groan, I started my search around the party. Idiot! I was going to find this man no matter what. If I had to pin him down and scream some sense into him, so be it.

He wasn't downstairs— I could exclude that after a quick swipe of the floor. I somehow managed to make my way through the dense crowd on the stairs, now checking every room. To be honest, I was terrified of walking in on something I didn't want to see, but a tiny part of me thought it might even be good for me to see just a snippet-- I didn't know much about real sex, anyway. Still, I let out a relieved sigh when I scoured all the rooms without having violated my vision. 

But my relief didn't last long. I allowed my shoulders to slump as I came to a halt, realizing I had circled the upper floor with no trace of him. The deafening music was starting to hurt my ears, and I was about to cover them when I suddenly heard a loud bang coming from the closet to my right followed by a breathy, angry shit. 

Oh my. Gotcha. I approached the door with careful steps, holding back a beaming smile as I knocked twice; "Roman...?"

I heard him shuffling around, a short groan following; "... Nope," 

It took a lot of concentration to not burst out into a fit of laughter. It felt as though all my anger left my body, unable to concentrate on anything other than how ridiculously cute he was when he was drunk like this. "Can I come in?"

"... That's what he said,"

"Come in? I think you might've gotten it a little twisted,"

I could almost hear him rolling his eyes; "Who are you to argue, virgin?"

Enough was enough. With a small creak, I opened the door to the closet--

Oh.

This was certainly not the sight I expected to see. Roman's green eyes immediately found mine, big with embarrassment. There he was, splayed out on the floor of the tiny closet with a hot pink crop top on his head. I assumed it had landed on him after he fell over, and I tried to take a mental image for later amusement. 

I was about to laugh-- However, as I closed the door behind me and stared down at Roman's flushed face, almost the same colour as the ridiculous pink crop top, I just melted. Easy as that. All the pent-up anger, all the frustration I wanted to take out on him, it all liquified into molten lava and became one with the earth.

What a mess he was. What an absolute, utter mess. Roman's green eyes were big, huge even, as he stared up at me, his breath coming out in small, ragged heaves. He looked terrified of my next words, like he was bracing for a good verbal beating--

I crouched down, making space between his long legs that practically took up the whole closet. With careful movements, I pulled the crop top off his head and cupped his pretty face; "Rome," I cooed. "You thought I was going to break up with you?"

It felt like I was talking to a child. I was aware I risked Roman exploding on me for taking that tone with him, but I figured he was too drunk to really sense it. "Yeah," he breathed, keening against my touch. "Makes sense that you'd want to."

Fuck, he was unbearably cute, like a lost little puppy. "No, it doesn't," I murmured. Why was it so hard for him to understand? "I'm not breaking up with you. Is that why you've been avoiding me today? Were you worried I was going to do that?"

Almost like a child, Roman nodded. "I just... don't want to lose you. But I fucked up again," he whispered, practically pouting. "I was so mean. Last night and today."

I stroked my thumb over his cheek, watching his response to my attempts at comfort. Something told me he hadn't been held like this before. "Roman... You're not losing me any time soon, and you were obviously a little hurt too. I guess it's a... vulnerable thing to initiate. You're allowed to feel what you feel,"

"But it was wrong,"

"What was?"

"My feelings," he mumbled. "It's just-- I'm not used to caring about a girl like this. Previously, if I didn't get my way, I could leave with no repercussions. But this time, it hit me about ten minutes later on the highway that this was you and not some random girl. You. And I was just so consumed with the urge to... ugh, I don't want to say it out loud, but you know. It gets unbearable at times. I haven't wanted anyone like this before, I just don't know how the fuck to behave!"

I was sure my cheeks were burning. Holy fuck. "Ah... I see," My knees got tired from crouching, so I sat down on the little free space left on the floor. "Look, your feelings aren't wrong. They never are. Your feelings are your feelings. But what I don't get is that I told you I wasn't up for... sex simply because my parents were on the other side of the wall. I would totally be up for it if they weren't. Did you not register that, maybe?"

"I don't know, but... it's not really about the sex. I guess it got me wondering whether you're just a little shy, or if you secretly don't want to be with me anymore," Roman took my hands into his before his gaze shied away. His voice lowered into a barely audible whisper as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the nearby wall; "You didn't once say you wanted me too. I guess I just concluded you didn't want me at all."

I fought the instinct to freeze. I saw his point, recognized his anxiety (and severe attachment issues), yet I needed to point out one very simple truth;  "But... I'm crazy about you. You know I want you,"

"No, I don't," he breathed. "You make me feel like a fucking rapist."

"A... What?!" I gave his hands a harsh squeeze-- "Roman, what are even you saying?"

He scoffed, eyeing me with his head still leaning against the wall. Hiccuping from all the alcohol, he spoke; "I'm always on you like a fucking dog in heat. You never initiate, and I'm constantly worrying whether I'm taking advantage or not. And to make that clear, that's not what I want to do,"

All of this was beyond shocking to hear. Was this maybe also the supposed withdrawal speaking? "Rome, you're not taking advantage. Not at all! I'm just... shy, I guess?" I brought one of his hands up to my mouth, pressing my lips against his knuckles. "I never thought you needed to hear me say it too. I'm sorry."

Surprisingly, Roman pouted-- "Say it, then," he whined. Had he been standing, I was sure he'd stomp his foot like a toddler.

I couldn't help but smile. I liked whiny-drunk Roman. "Say what, Rome?"

"Spit it out,"

"Would you stop running away from me then?"

"... Yes,"

I took a deep breath, suppressing a nervous giggle. Roman's green eyes drilled into me, holding me still as I tried to find the courage to say it to his face. It was nearly impossible, and I felt my cheeks flush a rather peculiar shade of pink, similar to Roman's alcohol-flush. And also the hot pink crop top. I was definitely stealing that one.

I let go of Roman's hands, crawling over to straddle his lap. My arms draped around his neck, and he shifted as he looked up at me with those gorgeous, green eyes of his. My Roman. "You already know I'm crazy about you,"

"Yeah, you tree-carving freak," 

"Hey!" Now, it was impossible not to laugh. Thankfully, he laughed with me. "But sure, I'll take it. I carved our initials into a tree, and I'd do it all over again. And you know why?"

Roman's eyes practically sparkled; "Why?"

I lowered my face to hover right above his, feeling his hot breath against my parted lips. "Because I crave you. Carnally," I whispered, watching his pupils rapidly widen. "What am I if not yours? Yours to take, yours to claim, yours to... fuck."

Roman's signature smirk was back, shinier than ever. "Now, now, don't be shy with it," he purred, his arms snaking around my waist to pull me flush against him. "Say more."

Fucking hell. There was certainly no space to hold back any longer. "Yeah, you want more?" I had to bite back a smirk of my own. "Don't be a fucking brat, then. Kiss me if you do."

Roman's eyes widened, not expecting me to say anything remotely close to that. Still, his lips parted as his smirk morphed into a blinding grin. With one smooth move, he ran one hand up into my hair, pulling me in for the shortest, sweetest kiss known to man. "I'm impatient," he said. "Go on."

"Brat," It felt nice to finally say that out loud. From the first time I had a proper conversation with him, that word had been stuck in my mind. 

Roman rolled his eyes, letting me laugh into the needy kiss that followed. It didn't take long before I melted, relishing in the soft pillows of his lips against mine, the feeling I had longed for ever since he stormed off my roof last night. "I want you," I said, mouthing my words into the kiss. "So bad. So, so bad."

Roman moaned-- "More,"

My hands went up into his hair, fingers reaching for the tips of his dark locks to press him further against me as the kiss deepened. I had never felt this desperate before in my life. Still, I somehow found the strength to pull away; I got an idea. "No. We're playing a little game first,"

Roman groaned, glaring at me as he rested his head against the wall. "For fuck's sake," he mumbled. "Now?"

"Now," I placed my hands on his chest, unable to hold my laugh. My little idea was genius. "Have you noticed where we are?"

"... At a party?"

"Where?"

"In a closet?--" Roman's words came to a halt as his eyes widened, and a knowing grin spread across his plush lips. "Oh my."

I hummed, pressing my fingers into his chest. Right now, I was sure I had adopted the classic Roman-smirk; "Up for a round of seven minutes in heaven?"

"... Isn't it a little blasphemous to play without the bottle?" Roman proceeded to laugh, rubbing circles into my thighs. "Actually, fuck yeah. I’m up for it.”

"Seven minutes," I purred, grabbing my phone and putting on a timer. "You once said that seven minutes with you were enough to show everything I needed to know about being with you in that way..." 

To be honest, I had no idea what had come over me. Was it perhaps the alcohol? But the intrigue shimmering in Roman's keen eyes told me all I needed to know-- I watched his pupils expand as the hands I had rested against his chest started traveling down his body. And Jessica thought I couldn't handle him sexually? Hah! "It seems it's my turn to show how it would be with me, no?" 

Roman's lips parted, staring up at me in disbelief; "If you're just teasing me now, I'm going to die on the spot. I swear. My death will be on your hands,"

I could only laugh, biting down on my lip to lower my voice. "Don't you dare," I said, slowly reaching for the clasp of his belt. 

Watching the widening of Roman's big, green eyes never failed to amuse me, especially not now. "Baby," he breathed, his lips curving into a smile. "Don't fuck with me, I swear--"

"Am not," After unbuckling Roman's belt, I decided to tease him by trailing my hands away from the zip of his pants, my fingers ghosting over his hard-on. It seemed the excitement was getting to him already, and to my surprise, I could feel him hardening beneath my palms. 

The loud music was so far away now, just as everything else was-- My mind was even further away, possibly residing on the planet Neptune, because how the hell had I managed to convince myself I knew how to do this? 

Fuck it-- it can't be that hard, right?

Certainly not harder than Roman was now, anyway. 

This was an enigma to me, all of it. I could only go off instinct; and just as I was about to slide my hand beneath the band of his boxers, Roman grabbed my hand. "Hold on," he breathed, bringing my palm to his lips. "Step one is to never go anywhere dry." His green eyes locked on mine, not breaking eye contact as he placed several wet kisses against my palm, slicking it. Shivers ran down my spine as I felt his tongue swipe along my skin, because fuck, this was intense-- my breath hitched. Roman's soft laugh rang in my ears as he let go of my hand, giving back the control. 

Fuck. My heart was pounding. Were my hands shaking? I had no idea-- it felt as though I had blacked out for a few seconds, and when Roman pulled me into a heated kiss and brought me back to my senses, my fingers were gently brushing against the hard tip of his cock. 

I could feel Roman's breath hitch just slightly against my lips, and it immediately made my cheeks burn. What the fuck was I doing? I so desperately hoped no one would walk in on us like this, me straddling him with his dick in my hand. That would certainly only taint my reputation further-- no, actually, fuck that. I wanted to stay connected like this forever, Roman's soft lips moving against mine with a need I didn't remember in him. 

It took a lot of willpower to break the kiss even just for a second, but it was too damn fucking dark in this stupid closet. I watched as Roman's lashes fluttered, how his chest raised in heaving motions, how the vial of my blood rested against the peak of his sternum-- I decided to go for the wish to kiss him right there. 

Roman's skin was so unbelievably soft. There was no flavour to it as I swiped my tongue against his collarbone, not even a trace of alcohol from his perfume, and this was the moment it dawned on me that this might be my favourite place to kiss him. I didn't often have access, but when I did, I could feel the soft raise of his shoulders with his every breath-- and fuck, how I loved his shoulders. I finally wrapped my fingers around his length, deciding not to toy with him any longer. 

He let out a shaky breath just as I sucked down on his collarbone to leave a mark; Roman was long gone now. His head lolled to the side, his breath escaping him with a short huff. "Fuck," he whispered, bringing his hand up to twist into the nape of my neck, pulling me away from him to press the soft pillows of his mouth against mine in another hot, needy kiss.

This was certainly a big difference to the last time we had played this game. We had barely kissed properly, and our lips had only grazed each other compared to whatever this was. I couldn't believe how unbelievably scared I had been the first time.

I smiled into the kiss, remembering our first. 

Roman cursed against my lips, his hips bucking just slightly into my grip around his cock. With his free hand, he placed his on top of mine, guiding me to pick up my pace.

I realized my heart was almost thumping to the exact same pace as the music downstairs-- "Is this okay?" I whispered, relishing in the short breaths of pleasure spilling from his mouth.

Roman shot me a look, although it didn't look as intimidating as he probably intended; with his lids halfway closed, the hunger for me shone through. "You know damn well,"

It was impossible not to smile. God, I was so crazy about this man. "Rome?"

A hum.

I leaned in closer, pressing a sweet kiss against his ear; "I want you so bad," I whispered, feeling his breath hitch as I kissed down his jaw. "I need you to know that. Rome, I always want you." Never in a million years did I think I'd ever see him like this, panting beneath me, pre-cum spilling from the slit of his cock. Never in my wildest dreams. But he had driven me near mad with his stupidity these past twenty-four hours, so I had no problem bringing him down to the depths of vulnerability with me-- finally, we had switched places.

Roman's hands traveled up my thighs, giving my ass a proper squeeze as he groaned just slightly; "Want you too," he breathed, letting his head rest against the wall as I worked my digits around his length. His lips parted, his eyes shut as his lashes fluttered just slightly; "Always. Always want— hah, want you. You know me."

Had I not been so taken with the sheer beauty of him right now, I would've swooned. I was shocked I hadn't fainted from how hard my heart was beating, anyway. "I adore you, Rome. Do you know that?"

A small yeah was Roman's only reply, his head rolling back and forth, thighs clenching, cock twitching. He was close. His next words were rushed, quick; "Fuck, where do I...? Fuck--" 

"Don't think about it," I murmured, my free hand running gently through his hair. Slowly, I reached for the pink crop top nearby; this was my only solution at the moment. "Just enjoy."

Roman practically whimpered; "Shit, shit, gonna--"

I watched as he threw his head back, panting hard as he spilled into the top. I felt his warm cum running down the inside of it as I stroked him through his high. "Fuck, fuck--" Roman was rambling at this point, failing to steady his breath through it.

My lips parted, feeling as though I had bitten into the forbidden fruit. The image before me gave me a high, unlike anything I had ever had before. It was probably similar to the feeling Roman used to achieve through cocaine use. I took another quick mental snapshot, knowing this was a sight I wanted to keep for later-- only in case of emergencies, of course. I couldn't help but feel a little proud that I had figured out how to do this stuff to him.

Roman blinked twice, his mind slowly returning to his body. He laughed a little at the sight of the hot pink crop top, shaking his head. "Damn," he breathed. "I'm a little horrified I didn't last seven minutes."

Oh, silly boy-- "Nah, I'm glad you didn't. My hand would be cramping up," I leaned forward with a soft giggle, kissing the tip of Roman's nose as he let out a sigh of relief. "And I also proved my damn point."

He blinked up at me as I pulled away. "Which was...?"

The timer rung-- "Seven minutes are more than enough," 

"Right. That's my line," Roman tucked himself back into his jeans with a huff, laughing softly in a state of denial. "Definitely didn't expect this tonight... Good job." The corners of his mouth slowly curved upwards as he placed a sweet kiss against my cheek. "I'm just so damn glad we're not breaking up."

I had forgotten about that situation for a few minutes, and being reminded of it again was like being slapped out of a nap. "Of course we're not, Roman," I kissed the tip of his nose as I rolled up the crop top-- that felt wrong on all accounts. "If you get all manic about something like that again, please don't shut me out. I nearly went mad."

Roman's pupils dilated further as he reached for the vial of my blood around his neck, twirling it around his finger. "Yeah, we can't break up... Or else that poor tree would've been vandalized for nothing,"

I rolled my eyes. He was never going to let that go, was he? "Alright, that's enough," I mumbled, watching as Roman brought the vial to his lips to press a short kiss against my blood-- it felt odd but intimate. Was he maybe still a little drunk? "Let's get you home, okay? I'll drive your car." With shaky steps, I got up from his lap, bunching up the crop top in one hand. 

Roman hiccuped-- drunk. It was confirmed. "I don't want to," he whined. 

"Come on, Rome, we can't stay in this cramped up fucking closet all night!--"

"Well, what are you gonna do? Throw me over your shoulder and carry me downstairs?"

For fuck's sake. It was impossible not to laugh at that mental image. "We can't stay here any longer! Peter's gonna think we're fucking somewhere, and I certainly don't want to be known as the girl that has sex at parties!--"

"My mom is out of town," Roman said, effectively cutting me off. "Sleep over."

My eyes widened. I knew what that meant. Clutching the damp crop top in my hand, I felt the green of his gaze swallow me whole; "Come on. It'll be fun," Roman got up from the floor, tilting his head a little as he slowly inched forward, making my back hit the wall with the two only steps there were possible to take in this closet. He continued; "Nothing has to happen, but I just... I want to roll around in bed with you in the morning. No interruptions, no parents, nothing. Just us."

I was shocked I didn't become a puddle of mush on the floor. "Just us?"

"Just us," Roman breathed, leaning down to press a short kiss against my lips. But what came next was unexpected; "... And my pet tarantula."

"What?!"

Roman only laughed, his pupils widening with pleasure at the sight of my terror. Some things never change. "Just kidding, baby," he purred, placing a hand on the small of my back as he opened the closet door. And before I had the chance to properly step out of it, he leaned down to whisper against my ear; "It's actually a giant centipede. Lovely pet."

I nearly squirmed out of his grip, shivering. "Please tell me you're joking!" 

Seriously, when will I ever learn? Roman continued to laugh, waving to a few people who passed us by in the corridor as we walked down the hall. "Of course I am,"

"I'm not leaving with you if you have some creepy animal there, I swear!"

"Fine, fine!" He kissed the top of my head, and I felt him smile against my hair. "There are no scary animals there... Just me."

Before I had the opportunity to answer, Roman groaned loudly as he glanced at the crowded stairs when we approached, rolling his eyes. "Ugh, why do people always crowd the goddamn stairs?" He turned back to me; "I just need to find Peter and swipe my keys--"

"Why does he have your keys?"

"... I was threatening to jam them into the side of this guy's head earlier, but that's not important," Roman shot me a charming smile as though he hadn't just said that. "But just hold onto me, okay? I'll wade us through." 

So that's what I did; I clutched onto Roman's hand, feeling his long fingers wrapping around mine as he made way through the crowd, occasionally turning to greet a few people he knew. I was so damn ready to get to his place, to lie down on a bed, and get away from this loud music. Still, a part of me knew we wouldn't be able to stay away from each other tonight, and I felt my chest swell with warmth at the thought of what might happen. What would happen.

But just as I was finally relaxed again and the two of us almost made it down the stairs, I felt another hand on my shoulder the same second Roman turned away to say hi to a friend of his. I turned, gasping just slightly at the shock of a cold touch, and the rest of my breath followed as it dawned on me who I was facing. 

Letha's green eyes were wide, almost as though she had seen a ghost. For a second there, I thought she could read my mind and understand why I was clutching onto a damp crop top. It was still warm-- why was I finding that hot right now? God, I was going insane. But I knew that the sight of Roman and I together would never be a pleasant one for Letha, so I stared back at her with the same bewilderment-- why had she stopped me? 

Letha's following words were almost icy to the touch, hollow to the ear; "Was I right?" 

It felt as though my world stilled. Time stilled. Just for a second, I felt as though I could wade my free hand through the coldness of her phrase, and I could wave away the mirage. She was concerned, curious. Had she genuinely wanted to help me get through this fight with Roman? 

I realized that tonight might be a night of many firsts. My first handjob, my first... time (possibly), and my first step of forgiveness. "Yeah," I breathed. "You were. Thank you." 

Letha's face softened as a relieved sigh escaped her, nodding her head slowly. It had been a long time since the last time she had heard those words from me. "Any time," 

Had Roman not squeezed my hand, I was sure I'd continue standing there, just staring into the eyes of my previous best friend. They looked so, so similar-- Had Letha not been blonde, I would've mistaken them for siblings. Snapping out of it, I turned to my boyfriend who was too busy scowling at his cousin to notice how calm I was about meeting her. "Let's go," he mumbled, repressed jealousy dripping from his voice as another squeeze of my fingers ensued. 

"Yeah... Let's,"

(a/n: thank you so so much for reading!!! here's PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, if you're interested<333 mwah!!)

tagging those that seemed interested!!<333

@mentallyscreamingsincebirth @putherup @corawithfanfiction @vladsgirlxx

@iamaslytherin0 @sexualparkour @the-universe-is-complicated @heavenly-bratt

@lafemme-nk @namiusedbubble @useyourwandbro @strmborns @literally-lani

@virgosapphire79 @star-girl-04 @veyzus @ddipotassium @pecxiebu

@mil88691 @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @katifefe @sn0wybowie-blog

@moochiester @zizuras @blackbluerose666 @rosecoloureddudez

[jingler]

Wizard101 Pov: you're scrolling on spiralblr some point around arc 2

0 notes

👀 lail-brighteyes Follow

I'm never going on a field trip again THEY PUT ME IN A FUCKIBG ZOO

🌈 gayrizzleheim Follow

A field trip to a zoo doesn't seem too bad??

👀 lail-brighteyes Follow

No you misheard me. I'm not at the zoo, I'm in the zoo. As in, I'm in one of the cages and people are taking pictures of me.

35 notes

🏡 chillin-like-a-titon Follow

Can there stop being attacks on the spiral for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES????

140.1k notes

✅️ wiz-polls-daily Follow

8,341 notes

🪦 is-malistaire-dead-yet Follow

YES.

🪦 is-malistaire-dead-yet Follow

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

33.2k notes

��� spawnofhellhound Follow

Idk if I'm just dumb but I truly don't understand colonization in the spiral. Like you travel through time and space and through the stars and find an entirely different world doing just fine and you say, "that's mine now" ???????

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

spiralblr simplifying and overexageratting other worlds' problems. why am I not surprised.

🐠 luckyhooker Follow

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

NOT WHAT WE'RE CALLED

12.3k notes

⚰️ wolf-deathsinger Follow

stopped by the back of ravenwood for the first time in a while and malorn ashthorn was there still lmao I guess it makes sense for the younger students to be taught there so they don't have to go all the way to nightside but what a flashback

☠️ malice-and-ash Follow

If you think I'm mentally prepared to take on the real world after Ravenswood you got another thing coming. I'm guarding that pit til I die.

⚰️ wolf-deathsinger Follow

ok first of all didnt know you have spiralblr hi second of all does....does ambrose know you're still squatting there teaching the younger students?

☠️ malice-and-ash Follow

Titan knows. I don't think that man leaves his office. I get a sack of gold each month but I think gamma is in charge of finance.

🧙‍♂️ wizardstrong456 Follow

The owl? That's why my student loans got fucked up 🤦‍♂️

🪸 coral-oceanswimmer Follow

ew, what is a specieist doing here

99 notes

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

I am sick and tired of all you pretend activists calling me marleyboner. It's literally a slur. Idc if you think it's funny to shit on worlds you deem ~problematic~ but disrespecting an entire world's name like that is unacceptable.

🪩 spiral-gayte Follow

this you?

👑 amul3twh0re Follow

i love posts where you can see exactly why the op is deactivated

30.4k notes

🦀 underdaseamen Follow

listen i have nothing against wizards visiting celestia but if you do can you please use a mount that makes sense for the area. yall have no idea how terrifying it is when you leave your house with your crab friends and a fucking horse starts swimming toward you.

6 notes

🐷 randolf-spellshine Follow

about to go fight this wizard in the spiral cup ill post the video later

🐷 randolf-spellshine Follow

i got my ass beat bruh im not posting that shit

1,243 notes

🦡 baddestbadger-inavalon Follow

4,371 notes

🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow

Why we should have expected the y**ng w*z*rd destroying Azteca (part 1)

yw crit under the cut

i have to put something here but i do not have the energy to write an entire essay from ladyorielfan23's perspective so imagine a super angry rant here about how problematic the young wizard is omg why would you say that ladyorielfan23 also my apologies for fucking up the lore in the last dashboard simulator i have no idea what this game's plot is

[lowkeyrobin]

Curious about MCYT with a partner that's usually calm and collected, suddenly being super angry at someone bothering them, maybe almost fighting the person brothering them? (Btw i really love your writing, it's super fun to read!!)

ooooo okay !! I see the vision, hopefully I pulled it off LMAO ; also thank you so much!! that means so much to me, I feel like my writings really corny and dumb sometimes and too boring so thank you, it means a lot to me 🫶🫶🫶

MCYT ; fire in the twilight

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, & quackity

warnings ; language, talk about SA/perverts/men being weird

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

you're a very calm person

but when you get mad you get maddddd

he's surprised you haven't beaten the shit out of him yet

someone was being kinda weird at a meet and greet at vidcon and you were already stressed and overstimulated from taking pictures with everyone and signing merch and youtooz (guys should I try buying the slimecicle plushie? I don't wanna support a bad company but he's so cute :()

someone took a picture of you stretching where your shirt lifted a bit and showed off your midsection

Tommy saw and immediately called them out while you were taking a solo pic w a fan

when you heard him you just froze and nearly yelled

"Hey, please delete that. out of your trash too, seriously"

"Dude, fucking delete that shit. that's not okay, actually."

you end up nearly beating the shit out of the person....

then comes the Twitch apology 😭😭

you nearly went into a spiral explaining that it's never okay to take photos of ppl without them knowing, no matter when or where

he feels really bad for you but you're able to sit down and calm down to your usual self 🫶🫶🫶

RANBOO

you were getting fed up with how people were treating you and them online and just kinda lost it on stream

your chat was filled with assholes wondering where people were and why you hadn't publicly talked to them in over 12 hours and what your plans with everything were etc etc

"Dude, please stop. all of you. for weeks this has been going on, stop putting me and ranboo on these pedestals and expecting shit from us. seriously, it's horrible for both of us and our health. if you wanna see Tubbo or Tommy, go watch them! they're both live right now. Seriously, it's not funny and it's not gonna make us pump out more content and do what you want. we're people too, we get sad and burned out and tired. eventually content creation gets unfun and you won't get what you want. behave yourselves and do better. we don't owe you anything"

ranboo literally tears up a bit because he was watching the stream in the other room and could hear you, and you were visibly tearing up

you could feel your hands shaking and you just kind of ended the stream because you were so worked up and didn't wanna do it anymore

he immediately wrapped you in a hug because you were just so angry

gave you a pillow to punch and left you be for a while

you're usually very calm but your emotions exploded when you were bottling it up too much

they understood that but their heart bled for you after that, especially w all the hate that came from it :/

FREDDIE BADLINU

people were throwing things at you on stage during Tommy's live show

you played it off as jokes and were fine with jt because they were doing it sneakily in a fun way, roses, kandi bracelets, plushies etc, until someone threw their bra at you

"Okay, can we not?" You scrunch your eyebrows, looking into the crowd as you throw the bra back into the crowd. "That's fucked, don't ever do that again, learn event etiquette. never throw your bras on a fucking stage, it's weird and disgusting"

Freddie looks over at you, standing next to Tommy, giving you a "Holy shit are you okay?" look while also looking for the culprit trying to get their bra back

Tommy instantly stopped the show to reprimand the person

meanwhile Freddie was whispering to you to make sure you were okay

you were pissed but put your big kid pants on and continued the show

you apologized on Twitter after the show because you were really loud and kind of humiliated the people but you were justified with the situation

the people (and the girl who owned the bra) apologized and the situation was over

Freddie feels so bad bc you're so calm and laid back but ppl always have to test your limits :(

NIKI NIHACHU

people were filming you two out in public and taking pictures and you kinda lost it that they weren't listening to niki, telling them to kindly stop

"can you stop taking pictures? she's uncomfortable, please stop." you speak in a stern voice

the fans just like stare at you in shock because you're usually very calm and chill and you basically yelled at them (you reprimanded them because one it's the law two you both didn't want to be disturbed on your walk)

you're in a miserable mood the whole way home because yk how twitters gonna act when they see that

you quickly make a statement before any video leaks or anything, addressing the situation and apologizing to the strangers

ppl got ur back tho and showed support considering they were filming you on a nice walk without consent

she feels so bad seeing you get upset about it and feels like it's her fault

lots of reassuring her that it's never her fault and you're always happy to defend her and you don't mind getting a little loud to defend her

ALEX QUACKITY

you got really upset with someone harassing a bunch of creators during the qsmp Brazil meetup

"Dude, leave them alone. they don't want to take a picture with you and they don't owe you anything! you're being creepy to all those women right now, do you not realize that or something?"

you were furious seeing that many on your friends, even while on a trip, couldn't just not be harassed by men

the weirdo scurried off but you were literally this close to fighting the fucker

you were seething dude, like, shaking because you were so astonished someone could actually be that pushy and that much of a dick over a picture

Alex wrapped you in a tight hug and just squeezed you until you calmed down while the poor people who were harassed had reassured you that they were okay and that they appreciated and thanked you for standing up for them

Alex genuinley apologizes because the way you reacted just proved to him that you definitely are calm and laid back but when you got angry, you got angry

he feels so bad because you had to stand up for your friends and watch them be harassed and shit

[polyamorousmood]

Have you ever felt guilty about being polyamourous despite knowing deep down there's nothing wrong with it, but you're overthinking everything??

getting a little personal here

I've been struggling a lot with it lately, being attracted to another person while currently dating someone, knowing it's okay and its an open relationship, and it's just been spiraling so much in my brain as guilt for no reason i hope I'm not alone in that

of course, though mostly when I was in monogamous relationships, if I'm being honest. I still get twinges on occasion, butbone of my greater strengths is stopping my brain from spiraling into self-loathing. So. Not a huge problems from me. I do have tips though! Some from recognizing what I do and some from various readings. There's not an order, some of them are incompatible with each other, try a couple and see what works

Affirmations to help you internalize things like "I believe in this as a right for all people, and that has to include myself"

Reframings. So when you catch yourself going "waah! My pArTnEr WiLl fEeL bAd!" You can maybe be like "my partner is my equal. If I hold myself to a ✌ higher ✌ standard than them, I am treating them as an inferior, which is unfair, and will make them feel bad" or you know. Whatever. Frame Polyamory As A Good Thing So That It Can Be One, basically. What does your partner GAIN from polyamory? How is your life BETTER from polyamory?

Politely detach from the spiral. You're not stopping it, necessarily, but it's not you. It's that toddler that lives in your brain having a temper tantrum, and you're the favorite babysitter standing non-judgementally to the side, waiting it out, and saying "wow, that was a lot. Are you okay? Do you think that's all true? Do you think that's all fair? Do you think a juice box or a nap would help you feel better?" once the waterworks have ended.

Check in regularly with your partner, and trust them. Make a space for them to say something they appreciate and soemthing you could have done differently, take them at their word, and use those words later. I have literally gritted my teeth at myself like like "she SAID the only thing I should do different is text her when I'm coming home. Am I calling her a LIAR? Is that what I've come to?"

Literally say when you're being dumb. "Well. I guess that could be true, in a hell world where Nixon Jr is president and we're all idiots, but I don't think that's the world I'm living in so it really doesn't apply here" and drop it

thank our feelings. You feel strongly about it because you want to do right by your partner! That's good! Thank it for trying to make sure you do that, and explain to your guilt that you have things under control, in so many words. "Thank you, guilt, for trying to make sure I don't betray [partner]'s trust, but they know about it and said it's okay, so you can take a day off"

All very effective. I encourage anyone else who has experience with this to weigh in

[002yb]

More secretary au w/ dickjay + slade

It's not often that Dick is struck so utterly dumb. Blanking out isn't something someone like him can afford, yet there he is at Jason's apartment, absolutely baffled, because Slade Wilson answers the door with Damian balanced casually on his hip.

Dick's scowl is immediate. It prompts a low laugh from Slade, all smug amusement to provoke Dick's ire.

"Richard." Slade greets him. An acknowledgement. A taunt.

"Slade." Dick intones. Disdainful. Petulant.

For the life of him, Dick can't figure out what's happening. He's loathe to believe that this encounter is a coincidence. Either Deathstroke was contracted to harm Jason or the bastard is here to torment Dick. Hell, if this is another attempt to coerce Dick into working with him—

It might work.

With narrowed eyes, Dick turns his attention to Damian. Scrutinizing the tyke because Damian is suspiciously unbothered. While it means that Jason is okay, that there's no immediate danger, it's also a damning indication that Slade isn't a stranger here. He's been around long enough to earn this menacing child's tolerance and begrudging respect.

"You know each other?" Jason asks, shuffling close to Dick in the entry. Using him as a balance as he pulls on his boots. The joy Jason's casual touch and eagerness to get going gives him is severely undercut by the mercenary standing across from them. With Damian. And it occurs to him that Jason doesn't even know; not anymore.

Dick is almost tempted to throw his secrets to the wind. He'll expose what a menace to society Slade and he are if it keeps Jason and Damian safe.

"We're acquainted." Dick grumbles at the same time Slade cheekily says, "We're quiet close."

The scathing look Dick shoots Slade's way has the man smirking. Between catching Dick off guard, then messing with him - Dick is glad one of them is having a good day. It was supposed to be Dick's good day, damn it. He has a date.

Slade's words prompt Jason to startle, looking between the two of them with wide eyes and a slack jaw and no. Fuck no. Dick can see where Jason's thoughts start to wander and it has him turning on Slade with a nasty glower.

"I've been actively recruiting him for work." Slade explains, innocent as can be. A small truce that makes Dick all the more suspicious.

"Oh." Jason says, breathing a small sigh of relief. When he smiles, it's brilliant - sharp and wicked as he teases, "Keep at it, would you? He needs to get out of that pigpen."

"Been trying. Shame to see his talents wasted like that." Slade hums, bouncing Damian up on his hip. He looks at Jason with a small smirk and, to raise Dick's hackles, lightly jokes, "Sell him on me."

"Make him a worthwhile offer." Jason quips, coming to stand beside Slade to take Damian's little hand - pressing a kiss to it and snickering when Damian holds on to kiss his hand back.

"How about I make you part of the offer?" Slade taunts, gaze cutting over Jason's head to watch Dick—a wicked smile at the corner of his lips as Dick visibly bristles at the threat. "That might be a deal he can't refuse, hm?"

"Hah." Jason laughs, humorless, because, as always, Jason is oblivious to the fact Dick would never refuse him. Slade knows it, too. The mercenary knew it from the moment he opened Jason's door to find Dick standing at the doorstep. "You can't leverage me, old man."

Only Slade very much can. He will, too, depending on his mood.

The exchange puts Dick on edge. There's no way Nightwing and Deathstroke won't be having a fucking row over this later.

It's as Dick spirals that Jason throws him for a loop. Again. Because Jason starts going over house rules and expectations and schedules. Talking to Slade like the man will be looking after Damian while they're out, which—what?

"You're babysitting?" Dick asks, dumbfounded.

"It's in my contract." Slade says, looking none too pleased until Damian pats his eye patch. A begrudging, bitten back smile follows as Slade takes Damian's hand to hold and keep still, disconcertingly patient.

It's weird, but there's a familiarity that tells Dick that everything is fine. While Dick doesn't trust Deathstroke, Slade has a fondness for Jason and Damian. It leaves a bad taste in Dick's mouth if only because there's clearly history here that he's not privy to—that he wasn't a part of.

Maybe that's Slade's goal. To make Dick regret not joining him to have gotten to Jason sooner. The crafty bastard.

He laughs despite himself, caught up in the ridiculousness of it all. Slade and him will negotiate later. For now though, Dick glares daggers at the man as Jason drags him out the door.

=========

Just a silly jumble of words and thoughts. It's very rough, sorry! orz But yes, in secretary!AU, Slade is absolutely a fixture in Jason's life and Dick is lowkey high-key pissed about it lol.

Talia hired Slade as an instructor to teach Jason self-defense. Or to find out where his abilities are and to brush up on them.

This is less as a gift to Bruce and more as an assurance that Damian is protected and cared for. //3///

Can't shake the feeling that Slade and Jason fooled around.

No one will ever know if it's because Slade was genuinely charmed by Jason or if Slade was aware and playing a long con against Dick (or both)

Slade being something like an uncle to Damian. He's babysat in the past, though it was a one-off because Jason came back to see Slade teaching Damian how to handle knives or something equally as dangerous for a baby.

Cue Jason v Slade and Slade being wholly unprepared for Jason's paternal wrath. This man gets laid out flat so quick and oh, that's probably when the fooling around starts lbr

Omg also!! Slade purposefully answering the door despite Jason’s protests because it’s Slade’s intention to intimidate the guy taking Jason out hahaha. Then of course Dick answers the door and Slade’s mood goes from ornery to stupidly pleased lol.

[hahaifolded]

Can We Make This Work? (9)

Nanami Kento x POC!Fem Reader x Gojo Satoru (Masterlist) Chapter 9: The Meeting (Previous) (Next) Summary: Nanami defends you. Warnings: Slight Angst

Nanami and you walked side by side, trees lining your path along campus. Much to your dismay, the higher ups had called the both of you into a meeting to see the state of your marriage. As you got closer, the pit in your stomach grew heavier and heavier.

Despite the faint smile on Nanami's face, you weren't sure where you stood with him. With your missions and classes, you hadn't had the chance to see much of your husband lately. These past few weeks must have been a blessing for him and now because of this stupid meeting, he was forced back into his sad reality.

What if he can't hide his disgust?

What if they see right through this?

If they deem me worthless, what's going to happen to my friends... to everyone back home?

You really wished your stomach was churning because of curses right now. That would be easier to deal with.

-- -- --

However, while you were spiraling, Nanami was enjoying the afternoon stroll with you. It's been awhile since he's spent any time with you and honestly, he missed you. You brought a warmth that he didn't realize he needed. So this random meeting with the higher ups was a blessing in disguise for Nanami.

As you two approached the door, Nanami reached for your hand. You looked up, eyes wide, shocked by the sudden contact. He slowly wrapped his hand around yours and shot you a gentle smile.

Today, at this moment, Nanami Kento was your one and only loving husband. He's not the sad man who is looking for his replacement. He's yours and you're his. With your hand in his, he ushered you inside.

But, the minute he stepped inside, his excitement turned into nerves as it finally clicked that he now stood before the higher ups. The same higher ups that constantly put sorcerers at risk. The same higher ups that have tried to kill Yuji countless times. The same higher ups that got Haibara killed. And if you and Nanami aren't careful, you two could be next.

-- -- --

The meeting started out... fine. If you can call ignoring you for almost an hour as fine. Every question was directed to Nanami and his well-being in this marriage.

Questions pertaining to you were also directed to Nanami, but mainly since...

Has she been behaving well?

Has she been satisfactory at her marital duties?

Does she make a good wife?

...they all had to do with your ability to please your husband. You felt your temper rising at every question. The only reason why you were able to hold your tongue was because of your faithful husband. He shut down each and every question by praising you and respecting your privacy. Nanami kept a reassuring grip on your hand, squeezing it every time the higher ups asked a dumb question and rubbing it every time they hummed in acceptance to Nanami's answer. You never realized how good of an actor your husband could be.

And after an excruciating hour of disrespectful questions, it seemed like it was over.

"Well Nanami Kento that was all the questions we had for you, and I'm pleased to hear that she's been good to you," announced a voice. Nanami gripped your hand before thanking the higher ups for this blessed union. He thanked them for their time and made his way to leave with you still in his grip when suddenly,

"Halt!" you both froze, "We're not done yet. Time to ask the Mrs. a question."

Let's get this over with. You turned back around to the face the crowd. This time with Nanami behind you. What more can they possibly want to--

"So when can we expect you with child?"

You entire body went cold. Expect? You? With child? FUCK! I'm trying to free this man, not chain him further to me, you thought. You stood there gasping for air, unsure on what to say. Thankfully, your husband came to your rescue.

"Excuse me, but how dare you?" he hissed at the voice. Gasps surrounded the room. Nanami stepped in front of you and stared down at the higher ups.

"Not to be disrespectful but that does not concern you or any of you for that matter," he loosens his tie, heated by such an invasive question. "As of now, I want to enjoy my wife and my wife only. So once WE'RE ready, that will be a discussion between MY wife and I. So with that gentleman, good day." And with that, Nanami grabbed your hand and rushed out the door.

Nanami dragged you further out from the entrance, almost in a trance. Was he angry? Does he... care about you?

-- -- --

Nanami was pissed. So pissed that he didn't even realize he had dragged you both to the entrance of the school.

"Woah, Nanami, I think we're far enough," you said, pulling him back to the present. Nanami turned around and took in a deep breath. He couldn't believe he lost his cool... in front of the higher ups... in front of you. You probably think he's some creep, going on about when "WE'RE ready" and "MY wife" when you're looking for a way out.

"Nanami, Nanami, NANAMI!" he heard you yell. He turned around and was met with a tight hug.

"Thank you, Kento. Thank you," you said within his chest. Nanami felt his chest warm with joy. He returned the hug without saying a word. He knew that this conversation you two were having needed no words to convey your feelings.

"HEEEY!" a sudden voice yelled.

Is that Gojo?

"NANAMIN!"

It's Gojo.

And it seems like you came to the same conclusion as you pushed Nanami off to greet Gojo.

Why did Nanami's chest hurt all of a sudden?

Word Count: 959

Previous - Masterlist - Next

Author's note: I"M SO SORRY! I know it's been awhile and I apologize! Once I came back from my hauteur, I tried writing this chapter, but I kept getting stuck. not because I didn't know what to write, but because I didn't want to fuck this up. But I finally got over it and here it is, chapter 9!

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Long ask incoming so i really apologise for that lol.

in my honest opinion yaelokre is going about this incredibly wrong. but the way people have been talking about not only their characters (to be clear im not saying this because of "blah blah they're children" fake morality stuff or whatever lmao im a proshipper myself—but one of the main characters is quite literally meant to represent/be keath themself) but about them themself (sending them rape threats, threatening to draw them having sex with their characters?? I've seen a lot on the internet these past couple days, especially in proship spaces, which is so upsetting to me because I had so much more faith in our community 😭)... All this is incredibly disgusting to watch. and disheartening.

Are they going about this incredibly irresponsibly? Yes! Is it naive for them to expect that no rule 34 is created whatsoever? Yeah, probably! But they did explicitly say they dont want the characters directly representing their own childhood (including one who's basically their own persona) sexualised, much less have it sent directly to them (which it was—that's how we even got to this point, anyway) and going ahead and mocking this boundary directly, and then encouraging people to do it out of spite feels... off to me. dunno. (To be clear i think, once again, their actions are incredibly dumb and irresponsible. They're not justified in doing any of that and im not trying to say they are lol.)

(And, while we're here, there's a difference between gigantic heavily funded capitalist projects like disney, and Some Guy working on one deeply personal thing all by themself for free. Do whatever you want with like. Thousand dollar franchises with no specific human faces behind them, but it feels so weird to tear into someone's passion project theyre making out of love for free. Idk where else in my message this point fits so I'm leaving it here.)

I can't help but be reminded of antis tearing into my own work to "fix" it simply because i was a proshipper. On paper people can do whatever they want with fiction, can't they? Of course—but taking a story i made to cope with my trauma and spitefully twisting it to their own wants for no reason other than because I was a proshipper is still harrassment, still done with malice, and—proship/anti stuff removed—an objectively fucked up and mean fucking thing to do. Artists making shit for free do not owe you anything and that includes not owing you their comfortability with people interacting with their personal projects they are sharing with others (for free!! When they don't have to!!!) in certain ways. The same way they also don't owe you being comfortable with unprompted criticism and whatever else.

The "fiction is fiction" argument doesn't hold up when it starts to hurt real people. They aren't a bad person simply for not wanting their personal project sexualised (which—you could argue "that's not the problem, the problem is how theyre going about handling it it," which i agree with; but there are several posts on this very blog and countless others mocking them entirely for simply wanting their work not sexualised, and several posts encouraging others to make sexual content of their characters out of spite. Im not saying it's sexual harrassment but god it does start to feel like it's somewhere in that realm.) This isn't the first time anything like this has happened in their community, ive been here since the beginning, and in the beginning they were so unbelievably calm and polite about their boundaries and then people started directly dming them nsfw and things spiraled and here we are.

I've used the pottery analogy to explain this before—imagine someone puts a ceramic sculpture down on a table. It belongs to them, and they're very clearly proud of it. You could push it off the table and break it if it makes you happy, you won't even face any real consequences if you do. They'll just be really upset, rightfully so—it's their thing that they physically made. Maybe they even made it as a coping mechanism, only they know for sure. And they ask you to handle it gently if you decide pick it up. There's a billion things you theoretically could do, having now been made aware of this clear boundary, but only two are right—either handling it gently, or simply not picking it up in the first place.

You're a shitty person if you push it off the table. Using excuses like "there are lots of people in this room, someone was going to decide to break it eventually" doesn't suddenly absolve you morally because you are a sentient being, not a mindless robot slaving to statistics. Maybe statistically it was going to get broken eventually, it still doesn't make it right because you chose to break it yourself, directly going against what they asked you to do when handling their property, simply because it made you happy. I know full well you would not purposely damage or otherwise ignore clear boundaries or guidelines when it comes to someone's physical shit in real life. The concept of having boundaries about your own things that you made and own is not new and having to follow others' boundaries is not you being oppressed it's just being a decent human being.

Fictional characters' feelings don't matter more than real peoples'. But your own real person feelings of Mild Disappointment at not being to make porn for something you (evidently) don't even like that much ALSO don't matter more than the creator's massive upset and discomfort at direct representations of them (real person!!!) being sexualised.

TL;DR: yeah it's stupid of them to try to Anne Rice this whole situation. And yes they deserve to be called out for it and face the consequences for their actions. But let's... not treat them like it's so bafflingly unreasonable and evil of them for simply not wanting people to sexualise characters who are meant to be a direct representation of them (real person!!!!) as a child and let's EXTRA not break their boundaries even further. Their actions are stupid, yes. But their desires are like. A perfectly normal thing to want, if a little naive. harrassment is still harrassment. Being spiteful and vicious isn't suddenly okay when you're on the "right side" with the Right Opinions doing it. Being anti-harrassment doesn't only apply to people you like.

This ask isn't meant to come off as hostile or mean or anything so I sincerely apologise if it does. Wishing you the best. I also apologise if anything in this ask reads wrong it's late at night and im recovering from a concussion lol.

Fair enough.

I'm team 'break rules, not boundaries'.

By all means, show their Anne Rice approach is stupid by creating nsfw and properly tagging it and posting it to proper spaces. Fill R34 with that. Create nsfw fanworks on AO3 with proper tags. Go ham. But they clearly don't want to see it, so don't send it to them.

You wouldn't send porn of characters to any other creator without them asking. And you shouldn't be sending rape threats either. That's fucked up.

There's a difference between acting out of spite and acting out of malice, and I won't dispute the fact that some people are taking things quite far and doing the latter.

You can say a rule is dumb without taking steps to directly harm.

[radiant-reid]

Oh! Okay good so I was thinking about an enemies to lovers blurb where Spencer despises reader and she despises him but they have been hooking up and she’s been avoiding him because she ended up getting 🤰 pregnant

He eventually finds out and then they like talk it out and all that mushy stuff? 💘

this could be a whole series or full length fic

"What's wrong with her?" Spencer finally breaks and asks JJ, looking across the jet at you. You hadn't even glared at him for a few days and he's... well, he'd be worried if he cared about you, but that's something he doesn't feel.

Anyway, it's strange for you to just be sitting there. You're being strange and it's making him feel strange.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe someone she has to spend a lot of time with hates her for no reason," JJ replies sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him.

He scoffs. "It's not like she doesn't feel the same."

"Well, someone felt it first." She says, and Spencer can't tell if he's being scolded.

"And someone initiated the hate sex." Emily jumps into the conversation, taking the seat next to JJ.

His eyes widen at that in shock. "Who told you?"

It's a dumb question, and Emily makes that known. "The only other person in the room when it happened, or so I'm guessing."

He doesn't say anything about how you were begging for it that night, and every night after because he's not a total dick, especially if it's not directly to you.

"She's still being weird." He repeats. "Not that I care. It's offputting weird, not quirky weird." He quickly clarifies.

JJ and Emily share a look, making sure he catches it so he knows how absurd his lie sounds.

"Talk to her then," JJ suggests.

Her words replay in his head the whole way back to Quantico, as he tries to profile you while pretending to be reading.

He can't help but corner you back at the BAU floor, dragging you to the supply closet you've fucked in numerous times.

You don't want to be there, so close to him. "We're not doing this now." You tell him. "I don't want to do this ever again actually."

"That's why you're being weird?" He asks, frowning as he, again, tries to profile you. He has no luck. Damn you for hiding your emotions so well.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. "Yes, Spencer. Sleeping with you has been so amazing that I'm acting weird because I can't do it again." You answer sarcastically.

It presses his buttons. "Tell me." He demands.

You shake your head, tilting your chin up to try and stop the tears spilling out of your eyes. "No." With that, you push past him, walking out of the closet and leaving him to his confusion and spiraling thoughts.

What he doesn't expect is Penelope pulling him into her Batcave on his walk back to the bullpen. "What's wrong?" He asks, even more alarmed, and hoping she doesn't know as well.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" She asks. It's a tone that wouldn't sound mad to most people, but it's the most frantic Spencer has heard her voice, aside from on the phone during takedowns. "What Y/n just told you is big news. You don't leave someone alone after they tell you they're pregnant unless you're a terrible person. And I don't want to believe that about you."

"She's what?" The sentence is so lightly spoken Penelope wouldn't have caught it has she not needed to stop to take a breath during her ramble.

His whole world stops, and hers does when she realizes the look painted on Spencer's face is pure shock. He doesn't know. And she told him. And he can't keep a single thought in his head for long enough to develop it into words.

"I'll go get her." Penelope decides, feeling awkward and terrible all at once. "Sit down, you look like you're going to faint."

He does what she wants, sitting there in silence until you walk in, cheeks redder than before with clear signs you've been crying.

"Hey." You say, sitting down on the other chair in Penelope's office.

"Is it true?" He asks, needing confirmation, even though he's already convinced.

You sigh. "I mean, you said I was being weird."

He doesn't know what to say, but all he can think about is you. "I didn't-"

"It's fine." You assure him. "I don't expect you to be nice to me."

"I should be." He confesses before he can stop it. "I should have been because you're...great." Just a tiny half-compliment knocks you off guard. "And I wish you didn't look so shocked when I say something nice."

"Sorry." You apologize, biting your bottom lip.

He shakes his head. "I don't want that."

"What do you want?" You ask, seriously confused about what he's wanting. It feels like a mind game, but you're too emotional to be competing with him.

"You." He blurts out. "Not sexually. I- I think you're wonderful, and I've been the absolute worst person so I understand if you don't want anything to do with me."

Despite your state of shock, which might now be permanent, you shake your head. "I do. That wasn't who I was, you have to know that." He nods in assurance. "And this is so unconventional, but there's something between us, right?"

"Absolutely." He agrees, reaching out to touch your hand. "And I think maybe this could work."

You smile for the first time in a week. "Me too."

[the-24-7-lawlu-library]

Hi! Just read this fic (https://archiveofourown.org/works/33748141) and the post that inspired it (https://ladycrimsonandblack.tumblr.com/post/658164849325604866/brawltogethernow-brawltogethernow-tama-gives), and was wondering if you knew any other fics where Luffy is a Fae or a Changeling or just not really human? Thanks!

Hello ! Sorry this took us a while, as it seems there are very few fics that fall under that category, but here's what we've got for you:

The closest that comes to mind is :

Wild Wind At Dressrosa by khepiari (M)

[Mod notes: I am personally recommending this one as it is set in a world of magical realism. Luffy is not explicitly a magical creature, but there is certainly a certain magic and mystery surrounding him, which gives this story a whole air of surrealness and fairy tales.]

Doflamingo has troubles- to govern Dressrosa, collect taxes for the King, a womanizing Secretary, a stupid Brother, an angry Wife and a Rebelling Son who is romancing the Biggest Troublemaker- a Wayfaring Godless Curio-Shopkeeper, who is storming the calm streets of Dressrosa. Law's heart is hell-bent to unite with the Wild Wind called Monkey D Luffy- a tale of food, books, friendship and love.

The Moonwitch And His Dumb Werewolf (also) by khepiari (T)

A.U., Fantasy. Happy Ending. Three Part. LawLu (Switch Couple) When his village gets burned down and family captured by the bounty hunters, a young werewolf pup, Luffy, finds himself in the protection of a witch boy named Law and his father Corazon. As the war ravages, the magical creatures must unite to fight their biggest enemies; humans.

Perfect Completion by quackquackcey (E)

Water sprite Luffy curiously happens upon a gathering of vampires and falls at first sight for a certain golden-eyed vampire…but will his feelings be returned?~

A Crown of Flowers by @hyperbolicreverie (M)

The Wild is a mirror, a magic realm of possibility parallel to the mundane one, and people like Luffy, changelings who've made a devil's bargain for power, walk the line between worlds daily. When Luffy makes a mad dash to rescue his brother from certain death, he sets off a chain of events that makes the very foundations of that realm shudder. Soon, he's got several other people along for the ride, and the situation quickly spirals out of control. There's something the people in power aren't saying, and it might be the key to all the strange events that keep happening around them. Luffy just wants adventure and fun and freedom. Law just wants to be left alone to live his life. Kid wants to never be beholden to someone else again. And Ace just wants some goddamn agency for once. But there are other entities in the Wild with agendas of their own, and they don't care about what others want at all.

How To Snare A Life by xairylle (E)

Accidentally ensnaring a parasitic sexual demon and being his host wasn't exactly how Law wanted to end his night or his life for that matter. LawLu/LuLaw.

A Fleeting Moment (When the Sun Can Kiss the Moon) by purplehairedwonder (T)

Once upon a time, the Sun fell in love with the Moon.

[We also recommend checking the #Sun God Luffy tag for godly Luffy material.

And finally, not Fae Luffy, but we'd like to recommend Fae Law]

To Give You My Name by cosmicatta (M)

Trafalgar Law, last of the faes, had committed a fatal mistake 15 years ago: he had given Doflamingo his full name. Now, even after having escaped, the looming threat of his ownership still follows Law everyhwere he goes. He can only try to survive as a runaway, hoping to, someday, find a way to cut the invisible string tying him to his former captor. Until he meets Luffy. He’s just a regular human. But maybe that’s all Law needs.

And, ofc, the one you recommended:

waters of the wild by ladycrimsonandblack (T)

Even to his nakama, Luffy sometimes appears just a little bit too odd. (Or: Five times a Straw Hat notices something strange about Luffy, and the one time someone knows what's going on.)

We're also happy to tell you that your ask prompted some of our writers to give Fae Luffy a shot, so expect some new fics under that tag soon enough.

-Mod Gigi

[princess-of-the-corner]

Fascinating on No Chloe AU.

It's probably because of There's More Magic Out There, but I'm picturing Sabrina falling in with Auroré and co. I do think the 2nd option is most likely. So maybe Auroré and Mirielle and whoever the hell their friends are do genuinely like Sabrina and are nice to her and treat her as an equal, but may not notice that she's spread too thin and taking on too much when she offers to "help" with their homework.

I did mean Kim replaces Chloe as Class Asshole, in that he is simply the most consistent problem because he's the jerk in their class. 100% agree that there are probably a lot of other bullies in the school that target similar people for similar reasons, they're just also not in class with those people all day.

While I do think Marinette probably still has the Ladybug, it's true that there's probably no Adrien as Chat without him going to public school. Not unless Fu meets him a different way that day. While there's a convincing argument that the Black Cat would probably be like Nino or somebody, I like the idea that Adrien met Fu some other way. He'd successfully snuck out to go and be a regular teenager for a day and had to give that up to help Fu. Instead of going to school, he was just, like, at a park or something.

This is interesting because it means that Ladybug and Chat now have the dynamic that they THINK they have in canon: that is, the two of them are strangers who get along too well and are slowly falling in love with each other. With a catch: no love square. It's possible Marinette could have another crush at the time (especially if we're using Derision), but I think it's just as likely and more entertaining if she doesn't.

But also if we're using Derision, then Marinette doesn't have crazy paranoia surrounding her crushes and behaves like a functional human being. I think she might behave more like a regular teenager in love, meaning she's willing to do some dumb and risky stuff. Like telling the person she's in love with and who regularly and openly confesses his feelings her identity.

Weirdly, I think it may be ADRIEN who's paranoid about exposing his identity for the same reasons he doesn't reveal personal details online. This is a shockingly similar situation, and he's comfortable with it and knows how to deal with it. I think he might wiffle-waffle a little before they do a reveal.

From there, you could go a couple different directions.

1) You have an early LadyNoir reveal that spirals into a "Marinette's quest to get Adrien friends" that probably spirals into an early Hawkmoth reveal.

2) Master Fu and Tikki successfully pressure Marinette into being paranoid and this cements Adrien's paranoia. So you have LadyNoir, but without the early reveal

3) Master Fu takes more of an interest in Adrien due to either the different circumstances he met him in or because he thinks Adrien is more likely to take his side RE: Identites. So you end out getting a reversal of their canon dynamics with Adrien wanting to keep things a secret and Marinette constantly wanting to do a reveal and/or get into a relationship.

Any of these options would also have the hurdle of: Adrien in a No Chloe AU is super awkward, has trouble expressing affection and sharing personal details, only has Felix for a phrame of reference for in person friends, and is essentially a lot closer to his PV self's personality. But less cold and more shy.

If we're not taking Derision, then Marinette's still probably weird about relationships, but Adrien is weird about them in turn and you end up with something similar to option 2 with more stalking. I feel like Adrien would find it similarly endearing as he does in canon, even if he shouldn't.

tbh I think we could still wind up with a Lovesquare via career paths like.

Marinette wants to be a designer and idolizes Gabriel. Gabe did that whole hat contest in Mr. Pigeon, which Mari won and so she got to come to the show and Adrien wore her hat. So they'd likely meet here and could start some kind of friendship.

Also one reason I can't take Derision into account is that Mari is only that level of obsessive nuts when it comes to Adrien. She doesn't have the same stalker behavior with Chat or Luka, just Adrien.

Either way they're both disasters.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie and these last few days have been a ride, to say the least. I am not feeling very normal about anything going on myself, how are you?? We're not even on the same day as the episode and everything already feels unhinged. Masks?? Confessions?? BUDDIE HOLDING HANDS (in front of the tree)??!! I have never hoped so much (a mistake I know) that we are living in the best timeline and I suppose in less then 24 hours we'll see how insane it is to do that.

Anyway my "saving it for an episode emergency" wine is toast after today (todo list: replace that before tomorrow's episode) and thought I'd share my dumb spec for this episode. So not dumb is BT bones are obviously happening (like seriously, windex couldn't make it any clearer at this point) and I do think the Eddie-takes-care-of-Buck while treeman-cowers-in-fear is going to play a role in that, but I can't help thinking of the choice to have the mummy in Eddie's old bachelor party clothes. Like its kinda weird to have that specific outfit back in "masks" of all episodes, but maybe its not so much for the symbolism but just to remind the audience that that was a whole thing. Because what if one of our boys, via meditation or mummy curse or whatever (I'm not picky) actually remembers what happened that night?? And it, er, it wasn't exactly strictly platonic?? So one of them has to confront exactly what that means and we end up with (at least one) third party confession. I'd like to see it. But either way I feel like for sure next episode will end with Buck at least realizing he's been putting on a mask with his current relationship, and its covering up who he really wants, and I for one can't wait to see it. Less than 24 hours my friend, let's hope they don't do anything else insane before then 🥂.

Good morning friend! I'm glad you sent this last night because with the banger d20 ep last night and the pettiness and excitement about tonight, I just KNOW I'm gonna be put in post limit jail SO early, so I'm getting this out now while I can!

What a month these last couple days have been! I am feeling unhinged and damn is it hard not to get my hopes up! 🤪

I am *desperately* hoping that we see a bachelor party flashback in the next couple episodes! I would be happy with either Buck or Eddie, but not Buck if he's still clinging on to Tree #3, because I don't want the guilt spiral or him breaking it off because he "did something wrong". He really does for once need to recognize (on screen for the audience to share with him) that he is not being treated well in a relationship and leave. (Justice for the BT 1.0 breakup we SHOULD have had in 5a but FOX sucks.)

And now we have a scene (that to be fair I haven't watched because I like going in if not blind, at least not having watched big chucks of the episode yet) that once again shows Eddie knowing and loving Buck to his weird, superstitious core, and his BF being the odd man out, once again putting others down as a way to get laughs at work, and not knowing who is married to Buck's dad, Bobby, months after saving her and her and being together with Buck all this time. No wonder Oliver has been so excited! That man is a menace and petty bench and I love him SO MUCH.

Cheers my friend, I'm probably not going to have to drive home since my car is in the shop so I plan to have a drink and enjoy the chaos! Fun Halloween episode after 84 years, let's fucking gooooo! (Because the Denny stuff is not real, I do not SEE, I do not PERCEIVE.)

[oldguardleatherdog]

Getting into “pup space” and staying connected: a step-by-step approach

For pup players, achieving “pup space” - also known as "pup head" or "dog head", where your inner canine spirit comes to the fore as your primary sense of self-awareness and your human capacity fades into the background for a while - is our goal each time we're on all fours. Finding a consistent and dependable way to get there and maintain that connection can be challenging and frustrating.

Getting ourselves reliably "down there" - another term I like to use for inhabiting the realm of dog, the environment from a dog's perspective two feet off the floor where we inhabit a physical plane and level all our own, where the pup head can be sustained as we move through space - takes time and practice, just like learning a martial art or taking music lessons.

And like Brazilian jiu-jitsu and playing the trumpet, focused study of the elements that can induce pup space, combined with daily reinforcement of what we learn from that study – e.g., techniques, styles, movement breakdowns and Aikido forms, major and minor scales on your instrument - is the best way to achieve consistency. Practice makes perfect. Each time we go down to all fours, we go down more smoothly and quickly, we go deeper into pup space, and we can stay down there a little longer each time.

When I’m coming from a “cold” physical and mental stance, i.e., the times when I’m out of my normal constant light trance state and have been required to be “fully human” – 100% human, 0% dog – for an extended period, I have a routine to launch me back into pup space that’s tailored specifically for a cold start.

Going cold happens under certain conditions when I’m away from my home/kennel environment: if I’ve been traveling for more than two nights; after a meeting away from home that doesn’t involve kink (yes, it happens for lifestylers too); even at home if Master’s been away for a week and there was no boarding kennel or dog-sitter available to look after me.

Here's my “Cold Start” sequence:

It begins with the body. From a relaxed state, positioned on the edge of a couch or chair, wearing my pup gear, centered, balanced, leaning slightly forward from the waist, hind paws easily on the ground, front paws on knees, arms relaxed. My body posture and stance are inclined downward. My breathing is regular, centered, from my diaphragm (not my chest), then…

Sounds start coming out. The air I exhale just grazes my voice box enough to make a slight low sound “mmm” – lips together, then open to “huuuuuuh, huuuuuh…” and then a more animalistic “ahhrrrrr, ahrrrrr”. If you have a screen nearby, load it up with spirals or similar hypno images (there are many excellent pup spirals on Discord and YT, collect ‘em all!); if not, focus on a spot ahead of you about 2 feet off the ground. If you start to glaze over or blur, go with it (if it makes you uncomfortable, pull up and refocus/reset, then go back into relaxed stance).

Words begin, then degrade. Starting with fully-articulated human words, a three-word simple phrase -“Good boy Bruzr” – I repeat the phrase audibly in a half-whisper just loud enough for me to hear it, and as I look at my spot and feel myself heading down and forward to that spot [dog wants to see and sniff it already], I’m half-aware of my paws coming from my knees up to my chest and they start rubbing the sensitive spots (I’d stroke myself if I could but in this kennel, dogs don’t touch themselves, haven’t done it in 14 years for real).

As I repeat my doggy mantra, my tongue lolls out, making my words degrade into unintelligible speech, becoming “owooo, owooo, owooo” and I lean forward and down, then –

[gotta smell the spot NOW] and boom! I hit the ground, full-on 100% dopey happy dumb mutt Bruzr, just the way Master likes it, barking up a storm and howling my head off! and I'm where I belong, where I'm meant to be.

It's a repeatable process - a sequence of actions that I step through the same way each time I start from cold, involving body, sound, light self-hypnosis, breathing and relaxation, and a moderate nudge I give myself by speeding up my breath to rev up for the launch off the couch.

This all comes together to set up an unobstructed flow of energy starting at my physical center of breath (your breath is the closest thing to your spirit and serves as a key to unlock its power), taking my body to all fours in a smooth, unified, natural way.

I want to emphasize that this set of techniques is what works for me. How did I settle on this sequence? Practice, practice, practice. Trial and error over decades, going up and down thousands of times. But that doesn't mean you need to log that kind of mileage to get consistent and effective results!

You can do this solo. It’s important to be able to achieve pup space connection when we are alone; this is how confidence in a sense of the “pup self” is developed and made stronger.

If you want to try this method out and see how it fits, you can follow the steps and techniques as I describe them here, and/or you can take this sequence and use it as a flexible template, a baseline for creating your own sequence using elements (music, lighting, indoors/outdoors, etc.) that help you achieve relaxation and focus.

Change your usual setting. Experiment with your starting posture and stance. For vocalizing, play with sounds and words until you find that “sweet spot” that flows smoothly. Got a playlist you like that helps you trance out or get motivated? Let it rip!

One more thing: Be easy on yourself. No one, regardless of how long they've been a pup, achieves a 100% connection to full headspace 100% of the time - it’s ok to be frustrated. Keep practicing and give it the time you need and deserve.

During a play session, it's not uncommon for the link to fade and reset multiple times. Years ago, I was given a helpful trigger: When the connection drops, I take a deep breath and expel it with the same “ahrrrrr” sound I used in my sequence, restoring the connection and taking me deeper into pup space.

Don’t sweat it when it happens; jump right back and reset the connection. Our link to pup space can be mischievous and quirky, just like us! You’re not “doing it wrong” – there’s no such thing in Pup Play – you’re persistent, determined, doggedly sniffing out that signal! Trust that your connection will strengthen and become more persistent over time.

Practice, explore, refine, find what works, do it regularly and often, and you will be rewarded with positive results and deeper, dependable connections.

Thanks for reading! You’re the best pup! Yes, you are!

In Service,

Alpha Pup Bruzr (Animal J. Smith)

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

As for Hiccup's downward spiral in the post-Httyd 2 comic trilogy, really makes me think back to Stoick instilling the message in Hiccup to not seek vengeance in RttE's "The Longest Day."

"I won't lie to you, son. A good measure of vengeance can go down a treat-- But that feeling is short-lived and the violence only gets worse-"

This is what Stoick tells Hiccup in that episode and these words come from a man who has led himself be taken by vengeance. To the point even that he was almost named Chief Stoick the Vindictive.

And then a little later in that same season, in the episode "Shell Shocked: Part 1," when Stoick is face to face with Viggo for the very first time, his first instinct is to strangle him.

"You come after my son. You come after my home. Now you get to deal with me!"- Stoick

"Dad, wait! Revenge is not a plan. Remember." - Hiccup

"That was for you. For me, it goes down a treat." - Stoick

That is the interaction between father and son as Stoick is seconds away from dishing some of that famous cold dish on Viggo after bringing both his son and his people harm. It's very obvious that these lessons Stoick has been instilling into his son don't seem to count for him.

And probably for a good reason, too. Stoick makes a comment that Hiccup "is just like his mother" when it comes to stubbornness, but I would make the unsurprising argument that Hiccup takes just as much after his father as he does his mother.

That sense of duty to his village as he grows older? His father. His patience and ability to hold back? His father. His pride? His father. Even Gobber says during the battle with the Red Death; "Every bit the boar-headed stubborn Viking you ever were." So while Stoick likens Hiccup to his mother, Gobber likens Hiccup to his father.

So what about that vindictive streak in Stoick that has popped up in Hiccup from time to time in the franchise?

Tl,dr: Hiccup has a history of getting back at people in some way or other and does it more often when he's under stress. Stoick knows about this side to his son. This side of him gets cranked up to 11 after his father's death.

The long story is under the "keep reading."

RoB

The very first example that comes to mind is; "In Dragons We Trust."

In this episode Hiccup and the Riders have this exchange:

The episode then cuts to the next scene and, lo and behold, Astrid is wearing a sash that says "Dragon United Monitoring Brigade," a.k.a "D.U.M.B." A name a Berkian woman points out, to which Astrid says "Yes, that is correct. Not my idea." and this is then followed up by Astrid giving the woman to instruction to yell "DUMB" at the top of the lungs in case of dragon problems.

"Permission to shoot first and ask questions later!" - Ruffnut

"Permission to skip the questions!" - Tuffnut

"We're just patrolling! Nobody is shooting anyone." - Hiccup

"Okay, I have a question; what's fun about that?" - Tuffnut

"It's not supposed to be fun it's a Hiccup idea." - Astrid

"Exactly- What?!" - Hiccup

So after calling all of Hiccup's plans boring, he got back at her by having her wear an embarrassing sash and give out embarrassing instructions.

Want more evidence? Then I suggest you look back at that episode and see who's actually wearing the sash.

Astrid, we've already established that. Snotlout, but Hiccup always finds a reason to be upset with him at this point in their friendship.... And that's it. Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Hiccup himself? They're all on patrol, but only two of the six Riders are wearing a sash that says "Dumb."

Then there's RoB's "Portrait of Hiccup as a buff young man," in which Hiccup's search for Hamish's treasure is entirely because he wants to prove that skinny smart Hiccup is better than buff Portrait!Hiccup. He even asks at some point; "How's that for a Hiccup?"

You could make the argument that's what Httyd 1 is all about. Hiccup proving once and for all that he's just fine the way he is, that he doesn't need to be their ideal of a Viking, but that was about acceptance and not vindictiveness.

In this episode, this feels very much more like a "oh, I'll show you!" type of thing specifically because of that line and because Hiccup chose to one-up his father in something he failed to do. A.k.a find Hamish' treasure.

Then there is the famous "Thawfest" episode, which is entirely Hiccup getting back at Snotlout for past Thawfests during the dragon portion until Snotlout's fears of failing in his father's eyes snap him out of it.

Another episode that comes to mind is "When Lightning Strikes," in which Hiccup gets himself hurt in a desperate attempt to prove Toothless' innocence when Mildew has everyone convinced that he's to blame for the recent massive storms on Berk.

This is more of an act of vengeance on the part of Snotlout and the twins as they blame Mildew for the harm that befell Hiccup. They were the ones to come up with and enact this plan, but Hiccup certainly didn't stop them from getting it. He just gave them a "I'm not sure that's what my dad had in mind, guys" and just leaves it at that.

Another good example is "Defiant One," in which Hiccup is once again getting back at Snotlout, this time for getting them crashlanded inside enemy territory and for doing everything in his power to be a nuisance. And what better way to get back at him than to give him a bowl of Toothless' spit and tell him that Night Fury saliva has healing properties after Snotlout has a reaction to eating berries? Again, this is reminiscent of "In Dragons We Trust."

And then there's a part 2 to this particular example as Hiccup brings it up three years later in RttE season 2's "Snotlout Gets the Axe."

"What about flying us into the waterspout and crashlanding us on Outcast Island? That was terrific." - Hiccup

So yeah, great at convincing people to let things go, not so great at letting things go himself.

And who can forget "We Are Family, Part 2," in which Alvin's heckling of Hiccup convinces both him and Toothless to attack him, almost ruining their escape as an ambush was lying in wait. And the specific comment that did it was "That's what I would expect from Stoick's little runt," referring to leaving their business unfinished.

Interestingly enough, it's once again Stoick who tries to stop Hiccup from going, reminding him that they got what they came for (saving Hiccup and Toothless) and that they should just leave. He even tries to stop Hiccup before he even made a move to climb up in Toothless' saddle, because he knew Hiccup was going to go after Alvin for that comment.

Alvin makes his comment, Gobber says "Oh boy," followed immediately by Stoick looking at his son and calling his name. Stoick knew.

DoB

After that two-parter, I think Hiccup must've gotten a scare, because the vindictive streak that was very present in the first season is almost completely absent here.

You could make an argument for "The Night and The Fury"s "You don't need a lot of help with that, Dagur," in response to Dagur's "By making a fool? Out of me?!" But otherwise, very little avenging going on here.

As a matter of fact, I can't remember anytime in which Hiccup makes an attempt at getting back at Dagur, certainly not in DoB. That season he spends more time trying to delegate and even spends time trying to keep Astrid away from the Flightmare that ruined her family's name until she convinces him to help her cut them of before they reach Berk.

This is similar to how Hiccup was also the one to tell Toothless to leave the Whispering Death alive in the RoB episode "What Flies Beneath," long before his conversation with Stoick in RttE.

RttE

Three years later, Hiccup's streak makes a little bit of a return.

For example:

Astrid asks him what "he's up to" when Hiccup suggests they should all make a design for the dragon base and vote on it. Literally she asks him "what are you up to?" as she wasn't expecting Hiccup to agree to any of their ideas. Not a vindictive sign, perse, but definitely a sign that Astrid always expects him to be up to something.

He almost preferred to let the twins burn down their island just so they could see what it's like to be a leader.

He reminds Snotlout of the time he crashlanded them on enemy territory.

Almost takes out Heather for siding with the enemy, not knowing she's acting as a double agent.

Biting sarcasm, which was also very much present in RoB/DoB.

But all of this is pretty low-level, nothing like making a friend wear a sash that says "Dumb" for the entire village to read.

And then Viggo comes along and he gets to Hiccup to the point that he grows obsessed with the need to one him up and take him down.

The Riders call him out on it, Dagur calls him out on it, Stoick feels the need to give him that piece of advice in season 4 that I've stated at the top of this post.

Dagur even has a conversation with Hiccup about how revenge changes a person in season 3's "Enemy of My Enemy."

"Hmm. That stuff can kill you from the inside, Hiccup. Revenge. Anger. Obsession. Trust me, I know. It can make you do things you never thought you were capable of. Cause you to take chances, make mistakes. If that doesn't end you, it'll eat away at you slowly."

Dagur is basically telling Hiccup to let his obsession with Viggo go. But he doesn't. He certainly tries to lighten up when he notices that his obsession at getting back at Viggo causes him to work his friends to the bone. (Which they do. Because they love him and they can see what this obsession is doing to him.) But the need for vengeance doesn't disappear until Viggo's supposed death during the Shell Shocked two-parter. The only one he holds a grudge against then is Gruffnut.

The most notable episode left to talk about then is "No Bark, All Bite." In this episode, Stoick projects his frustrations with Johann onto Hiccup, who gets the brunt of it and who in turn gets frustrated and angry as well. At some point, he even calls his own father a complete idiot. Beyond this episode, nothing of note.

Httyd 2 and Comics

It's in the second movie that we can see that war after war has taken a bit of a toll on Hiccup. By the time he's 20 years old, he has ended four to five of them, so naturally, when Drago comes knocking and immediately proves himself a threat, all Hiccup wants is to avoid conflict as much as possible.

Unfortunately, this original path ends in Stoick's death, even though Hiccup implies a change of mind just before Drago's attack, a diplomatic approach as a last resort ended up fatal for one of his loved ones.

Interestingly enough, something Viggo warned him against in the RttE episode "Triple Cross." The ruthlessness to deal with his foes is there, but so is his goodness, his purity, and that inevitably holds him back.

Until after his father's death and Hiccup falls into a downward spiral in the post-Httyd 2 comic trilogy.

In "The Serpent's Heir," he burns Calder alive, a very brutal way of dealing with a comparatively harmless villain. He also basically shames the Nepenthe's young King Mik into actually working for his village by shoving a shovel in his hands.

"Dragonvine" comes along and when said Dragonvine poisons Toothless and Silkspanners attempt to eat the vine off him and suck the poison out, Hiccup is so petrified by the idea of losing Toothless again that he almost kills the very young Silkspanners in order to save him from more pain.

A clear-headed Hiccup most likely would've noticed what the Silkspanners were trying to do, but this Hiccup didn't. He's mourning his father, angry, afraid. And he is especially afraid of someone taking Toothless away from him like Drago did when he took Toothless' mind and turned him on Hiccup and killed his father.

In "The Fire Tides" it would turn out that Drago had survived when Hiccup is forced to face him once again and pretty much alone as none of the other Riders are there. I don't remember if the interview directly mentions what was going to happen (I think Richard Hamilton left that out on purpose in case the comic ever got published) but I know that whatever happened in this comic was going to be the conclusion to Hiccup's downward spiral following the death of his father.

Either way, Hiccup went from giving his friends dumb sashes and saliva bowls to get back at them to burning an ill man alive. Viggo knew that ruthless was in there and Hiccup sure found it after Httyd 2.

And just like Viggo noticed that, Stoick has been seeing this vindictive streak inside of Hiccup for a long time now. And it's probably a side he's very familiar with as it's one Hiccup probably inherited from him. This led to the lesson he tried to impart to his son in an effort to keep him from going down that same path, but whether that worked or not... Calder would probably say "no."

Anyway, I guess here is where I'll conclude my analysis on Hiccup's more vengeful side.

[toomuchracket]

How did Mrs. Mac react to Girlie being pregnant?

oh i need to tell you the whole story @abiiors and i came up with as to how the macdonalds find out about you being pregnant. post-halloween, when mrs mac flies out to join tour with eilidh (just turned 3) and keir (1), there's a moment when everyone reunites at the hotel and keir is lowkey baffled looking at ross because he's shaved and babies are dumb (so says vee) and sometimes don't recognise people like that. like, we're talking tears from keir and ross (who feels terrible about the whole thing), until baby boy looks properly at ross and seems to realise "oh, there's dad" and it's all fine. we also however get some tears from matty, who goes into an existential spiral about his own unborn child potentially not recognising him when he changes his hair and facial hair every 3 business days; he's crouched on the floor sobbing, and you and eilidh sit down beside him to figure out why, while ross and mrs mac and keir stare at him in bewilderment. you're like "baby, breathe, calm down, what is it?", and matty hiccups through sobs like "i don't want that to happen to me i change my hair all the time what if they never know who i am?", and you're so focused on keeping him from going into a panic attack that you don't even register he's just revealed your news in front of people before the 12 week mark. it isn't until matty's calmed down a bit that eilidh scooches to sit in front of you and joyously asks "is there a baby in your tummy?", and you realise you can't not admit it - you look slightly panicked at matty, then at ross and your friend, then you sigh and smile at eilidh like "we're not meant to say anything yet, but yeah, darling, i'm having a baby. well, we - me and matty - are. keep it a secret for me, though, yeah? we'll tell everyone else a bit later", and eilidh nods like "yeah we'll have a party and tell people then", bless her lol. and you look up at her mum to see her properly welling up, and the next thing you know she's sitting on the floor hugging you and matty like "i'm so so happy for the pair of you oh my god i love you both so much. when are you due?" - when matty says, ross thinks for a second and snorts like "oh, so THAT'S where you went after we left the stage at reading. that'll be a fun story to tell the baby!", and his wife facepalms like "for god's SAKE ross!" while matty giggles. so yeah, it ends up with all of you on the floor of your hotel room just hugging it out, keir poking at ross's dimples and making matty cry again. happy tears this time, though <3