#we're done. we can all go home
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had the uncharitable thought just now completely out of nowhere "cis guys probably just pretend to be into batman and DC because they think it'll get them attention from girls"
afterwards my common sense caught up with the rest of my brain and the staggering implications of this made rain fall on this desert town for the first time in over a decade
#we did it fellas#full circle#we're done. we can all go home#batman#dc#curse broken?#or comic fans just have uncharitable opinions about each other and always will
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"what are all of you people seeing in c.k. dexter haven" well have you considered that everyone is actually voting for my childhood cat, whose name was c.k. dexter haven, and whom we called to return home by hollering "c.k. dexter HAAAAVEEEEEENNNN"
OH MY GOD
#hollywood creatures#brilliant cat name we're done here we can all go home#the philadelphia story#asks
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#sorrrry pity party part 1323 incoming#i am finally feeling slightly better - still no appetite and not like myself but i want to get up and showered and dressed and stuff#and can actually walk around#and mr sportsthoughts has just come upstairs and looks like death and it sounds like he is now coming down with what i've had#we thought he already had it but it never progressed past a cold so i think it was something different & now he's caught the plague from me#i just want to cry. and go to sleep until 2025 so this year can be over#we have cancelled SO MUCH this week and are going to literally miss every single friends and family christmas occasion at this point#and hahahaahaa at least we'll be fine by jan when we have to go and fly and see his parents which is the one thing we both don't want to do#and its fine we are ok we're together we're fortunate to be in a dry warm house etc#i'm just really letting my feelings get the better of me because i have put so much emphasis on christmas this year - even more than usual#because it's been such a rotten year and christmas was just this wonderful few weeks where he'd be home and we had all these special plans#and it was the one thing keeping me going and now it's here and well. we aren't exactly on tip top festive form#womp womp. nothing can be done! at least i'm alive and on the mend
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Finally back to working on the fic again and I just want you all to know that the entire time period the next two chapters encompass, Bella is face-down on her mattress hungover af and completely passed out the entire time.
#insert that one 'laying on your side with your legs splayed out weird' meme#couldn't find it by googling that phrase wouldn't you know#just a reminder that bella is a huge alcoholic and i am actually skipping a scene where leo drags her home while she's sloshed#and trying to fight everyone she sees#i'm hoping to get the first one out by thanksgiving i'm telling you all so i will hopefully feel more compelled to get it done#i'm actually going somewhere this thanksgiving! my sister's boyfriend invited us to thanksgiving at his mom's house#along with his sister's boyfriend and his jewish lesbian moms#i will kind of miss our chillax thanksgiving where my mom burns something and we watch a bad hallmark movie while eating#but honestly we do the exact same thing for christmas dinner so it's not like we're really missing out#poor angel won't get his mashed potatoes and biscuits though we'll have to do something for him#i mean he's already jealous of the fake turkeys we have up#maybe we just won't tell him it's thanksgiving#he can read a clock but i don't think he can read the calendar
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Last night my boyfriend said he wants to be a better man for me. He wants to provide and give us a good life and a beautiful home we can grow in.
My heart is so full.
#tradlife#tradwife#tradblr#homemaker#homemaking#he also said hes looking forward when we can live together and help each other be better Catholics#he doesnt like going to church on his own and has a hard time being consistent since hes not able to go to mass during military weekends.#i told him i cant wait to be his wife and be able to support him#and be done with long distance#also mind you hes an incredibly good man and he already has a good starter home#hes a good start to his career as an accountant and tries to be a good Catholic#i cant wait until he proposes and i know its coming soon#my best friend helped him pick out rings and thats all i know about that#i love him dearly and i am looking forward to doing life with him#catholic#we're going to have a wonderful family
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30: Dawn
he'd stayed up all night for this. seeing the sun - the proper sun - crest the horizon again... it had all been worth it.
#miqomarch#miqomarch 2024#ffxiv miqo'te#final fantasy 14#seeker of the sun#shb spoilers in tags... beware#essentially he. was brought in like. a while after alphinaud but before alisaie#and spent a whole year on the first on his own - no selene no sagra#and since selene is his conduit: with none of his healing magic either.#so without any magic or any knowledge of the local plants#it was like he had been stripped of literally all purpose#which as you can imagine for a man who mostly views himself through the lens of 'how can i help others'#was not great for his mental health!#mostly he just became some sort of lydha lran cryptid of sorts#wandering the fog in old tattered voeburt clothes#waving a rusty old sword around to keep people out of the pixies' home#(since his soul is still owned by selene they couldn't really do anything to him)#which eventually ended with him having some sort of Thing with urianger#BUT. once sagra made it back with selene#and once they talked a lot of stuff out - its a long story -#there was definitely something like. oh. fuck. oh fuck yes this is the reason im here. this was worth it.#to see the relief on everyone's face on the crystarium#we're going thru shb again HEHE i have a lot of thoughts about himmm. my little GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#miqomarch fans how excited are we to almost be done btw???#m: o'nehgi
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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im so annoyed with everything today, i think i need some tasty food and a million hours of sleep and then I'll be back to normal
#the teacher at the first class today was so dibsjdhdhdhdhsgs 😫#like she was teaching us things that are like unrelated to the class that shes teaching so idek why she was teaching it#but also its things that we have been learning since the 1st semester and we've done them in at least 10 classes and she was acting like#this was the 1st time we were hearing about it#like oh yeah we're on the 7th semester of studying nutrition but no one bothered to tell us how many calories are in a gram of fat#and she gave us homework 'to see if we know this' like#oh yes i can make a meal plan for a child with crohns or cystic fibrosis or celiac disease or everything else we've done this semester and#all the other semesters but i guess i cant tell you what micronutrients are in this one breakfast meal#like fuck off and stick to what you're supposed to be teaching#anyway i know im getting more annoyed than i should but she was just even more annoying than usual today#like she interrupted the lesson every 5 minutes to yell at someome to be quiet i wasnt even aware there were people talking until she yelled#anyway#also my new earphones aren't working well idk why ive definitely not been mistreating them that much for them to break in less than a month#like i had my old pair for at least 4 years until the broke and i dont think the wire got cut in them like the sound was coming out weird#but there was sound coming out. in the new ones you need to hold them in a very specific angle for sound to come out#and like im careful with how i put them away so what is up with them?#my theory is that they make wired earphones shitty on purpose so that you will spend a lot of money and buy wireless#also we had said from Tuesday that we would hang out with my friends today but i guess they forgot or idk and they made other plans#(to go home and sleep) and during the weekend the one friend wont be here and next week my family will be here so we probably wont hang out#again until next year and we have exams almost immediately so we wont be hanging out much then either#also my period is supposed to come soon and i hope that it will either come today or it will wait until after Christmas#ideally it will never come ever again but we cant always get what we want#anyway im gonna go eat the rest of my μεσογειακό and go take a nap#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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This morning, how the hell did we have a legit Code Blue during shift change, got 15+ people in & out the room (including me, bringing the saline flushes and gloves), the monitor is still showing asystole (AKA flatline/heartbeat) for this poor old lady even after 3 rounds of chest compressions...
...And you're going to try to walk right on by with your backpack on and car keys in hand? You could only "try" because I know you doubled back and went out on the other side so people wouldn't see you walking out during a Code.
I don't...I get that I now work in a hospital and I'm Going To See Some Shit, but I don't...understand people right now.
I don't understand.
I drove home crying this morning.
#...I mean it: I don't understand and even after some sleep I'm still deeply rattled and upset#I had to privately snag a hug from one of our nurses and I pretended it was just the Code that shook me...he was so kind and sweet...#But I don't understand how...even if there's little to nothing you can do...just like there was little that *I* could do...how do you...?#I cried on the way home and cried in my mom's arms and she gave GREAT advice and understood as a nurse of 22 years#I called in bc I need the Mental Health Break and I'm still quietly appalled and furious#I just...this old woman fighting for her life and you walk by with FUCKING backpack and car keys...#At least I have the next 2 days off...I need a little more pondering and quiet...bc I don't get it...#Amarie talks#Death tw#(Kinda sorta)#No wait I'm not done: Didja THINK none of the rest of us didn't wanna go home or if they're day shift just start their day peacefully????#When I asked...the nurse that hugged me confess to always being afraid too...we're all afraid...but we fucking STAY until...#Fuck I'm going to make myself cry again...still so horrified and appalled...I'm going back to sleep
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i am desperately trying to be more active but i'm experiencing mental burnout. just want to say thank you for the interactions even when i'm only checking in here now and again - i'll respond when i'm feeling better! <3
#nothing really happened - work and the house just got on top of me.#for context i was promoted to a management position in october and i hit my stride so i have a lot of responsibilities and i'm hhh.#having to play catch up in terms of skillset. i'm good at my job but i'm not the best - therefore ? i must keep pushing :y#as for home... Man (horse.jpg)#we bought a house a year ago. i envy people who renovate days after moving in. we're a year in and i'm only just redoing the kitchen floor#after a leak that happened in JUNE 2022. it's expensive as fuck and takes so much time.#i'm so fortunate to be able to afford a house but like. i won't lie. it's really hard having to be responsible for everything that goes#wrong with it. my kitchen has been subfloor for months. we destroyed our kitchen island trying to make room for the floor to be done#so we're down storage and stuff is just piling up. eh i know this is like. first world problem and really not a big deal.#but when your house is in disrepair because you don't have the money to fix it quickly or time to do it yourself. shit's hard.#anyway this is a rant. don't want a wrench or a tissue- just wanna get it out.#[puts on pantalone hat] i have money anxiety too#like i earn the most i've ever earned. i won't really get much higher than this atm. i'm due a bonus and i can cash out my shares#but fixing up the house is so expensive. i'm worried i'm gonna lose it all somehow. idfk why. when things are going well i worry i'm gonna#lose it all somehow. growing up poor does a number on your resource guarding. if i spend a penny I Will Lose It All.#' dima why do you like pantalone so much ' HE JUST LIKE ME FRRRR#sry this is a ramble . i treat tumblr tags like my diary but i hope you enjoyed the read xoxox#anyways! point is! i'm alive! i'm itching to come back but i dont have the mental space for fun rn.#can't have fun until i feel safe enough to have fun if that makes sense.#aight byeee
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saying "this is unbearable" abt things yet still continuing to bear them. give it up for the human spirit everyone 🙏👆👍💪💪💪❗❗❗
#guy who has given up 999999999 times but has then kept going 1000000000000 times despite it..#this is abt aforementioned work situations and also new awful work situation. this time i got yelled at by a customer bc i wouldn't leave#when i opened the glass case for them which is like. a showcase with these glass doors that only employees can open with specific keys in#which the more expensive bags & jewelry & watches etc reside and if a customer asks if we can open it so they can view or try on a thing#inside we have to stay by them until they're done looking or trying on and have decided they're gonna take it (or not) because we have had#things stolen so many times here u wouldn't believe. so we're told to stay thus i had to stay till she was finished and she didn't rlly lik#that one i guess.. anyway while i do not give a shit what a random woman thinks of me i am very bad with getting yelled at so. fun times.#still red in the face as i'm typing this. it's fine though i didn't cry 👍 a near thing though but that's also fine i'm gonna go to the#staff toilets and sneak my trusty wired earphones in with me and listen to whale song until i've calmed down#can't wait to get home and eat and shower and get in my sweatpants and drink a beer or possibly some wine and watch attorney woo and then#later this evening play a game on the ps5 with my siblings and eat late-night snacks and drink another beer or possibly some more wine and#forget all about the start of this day <33333 and scroll through tumblr somewhere in between there and also do my duolingo lest i lose my#stupid streak. peace n love on planet earth once i get home <3333#r.txt
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grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet
#snap chats#i didnt even pre order the ichi plush but spiritually i did. good luck charm.#anyway rant time look away from here. Im At My Limit <- i say this every week#I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG <- lying. my moms home#i just feel terrible again. i feel so awful i gave myself a headache from being upset#do you know how upset you have to be to give yourself a headache just sitting and thinking#that happened when i was taking a spanish test once but i think i was just so stupid my brain actually started to hurt trying to think#i also remember being sad as hell that day tho so....... maybe it was both#everyday it feels like im sad thats so fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it#ALSO IT'S RAINING AGAIN rain never promises anything good unless you're a plant#im working but i should have this done in. idk a few hours#and then its the weekend right.... there's no limitations for sadness though brother doesn't run on a schedule#unless we're talking about seasonal depression but we know what i mean#ew im supposed to go to that con tomorrow i dont even know if i want to go anymore#i just don't want to do anything anymore ig is the vibe#idk i have a journal to whine bout all this in ╮(╯-╰)╭ squeezing ichi plush is a mood tho so im still posting#maybe if i play a lil y7 ill remember theres good things to wake up for..#also i gave myself another headache OWOWOWOW STOP when will it end#wait let me be sad again because my dad said we'd hang out today or tomorrow#but i just know that's not happening and now im even more sad WEHHH no one loves me etc etc die#sometimes you just need a melodramatic teenager moment i think we're all due that right like once a month#ok i have to stop my head really hurts ☠️☠️☠️
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genuinely was thinking abt william in his SB verse still cooking meals generally considered to be family meals because that's what he was accustomed to cooking, got sad, and then remembered that i can not feel bad for this dude
#—— ✧ ooc »#william will sit in his empty ass family home cooking halved family meals looking all sad and lonely#as if he like. didn't cause all of this. i love/hate him so much.#also YES will can cook i can't headcanon him (by default) raising the kids with full custody from a young age#and pretend he can't cook. he's actually p good at it. gets better over the years.#does NOT have hang ups regarding it (due to toxic masculinity i mean) because the man already like#willingly pushes boundaries as it is. not to imply he's 100% immune to his upraising but y'know.#but also i still love him being the annoying fucking. 'we ALL eat at the table. no one leaves until we're done.#tell me about your day GET OFF THE GAME & WATCH. THIS IS FAMILY TIME'#like yes this gets less frequent as he like. y'know. loses his fucking mind. but early on he is fkjdfsald actually sorta trying to be a dad#me when i saw the family table in SB one time and was like 'i could make that a whole character trait'#˖ ✧ headcanon » ( the demon to his demons )#<- HERE WE GO AGAIN
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#so I have officially been to a club/bar now#tag talk#it was a country bar which was actually cool cause they played like. actual old country none of the post-9/11 shit#except everything else about it was ugh awful. music too loud drinks FUCKING EXPENSIVE holy shit stay home and drink instead pleaseeee#it was a work thing but none of my coworkers I'm friends with actually knew what they were doing so while I wasn't actual awkward they were#and the thing about social interaction is that if no one knows what they're doing it's not very fun#I grabbed someone and started a pool game because the table was open and both of us were absolute garbage at the game#but I was laughing about it and they were like... apologetic about being bad?? d#I did have the classic experience though where your friends disappear and you end up alone because you don't know where they went#all in all an interesting experience but not one I'm eager to repeat.#I did get invited to someone's Christmas Eve Party though which is cool and they gave me their number to make sure I have the info#so probably worth going just for that I think. got their phone number so we can communicate so that's like. successful social connection.#we're already friendly at work but easier to talk to someone when you're both not busy on the opposite side of the store with customers#anyway. who tf out going to clubs. awful environment.#I was like.. twenty percent of the way to being comfortable going out and dancing but hard to just swallow your hesitation#and a) alcohol as liquid courage is hmm not ideal and b) it was expensive anyway#oh well. it'll take more time to come out of my shell and I'd literally never been to a bar/club before in my life.#so I'll have some patience with myself and not be annoyed with how I could have done better or been more confident.#literally totally new environment. also... country music was nice but not a group of people I could really be comfortable around yaknow?#Lotta old white straight couples dancing the country two-step so I didn't really feel like I fit in.#anyway. interesting experience. neat to have. if I ever have a reason to go to a bar again I'll know more about what to expect#also... no one carded me. no one asked for ID? aren't they supposed to#oh wait. comment about the yodeling cause it was actual old country but they didn't do the voice register changes for it#I was like WAIT ARE THEY GONNA YODEL FOR REAL??? but then he didn't he just jumped intervals without shifting voice.#was a little disappointing but maybe a lot to expect from a random stage show at a bar.#wait wait I'm also proud of myself because the bartender asked open or closed and my mind scrambled for half a second to figure it out#but then I realized it meant open tab or closed tab like ordering more drinks and then paying at the end and so obviously closed#cause I ain't buying more than the one drink holy fuck it was so expensive also they mix them way stronger than I like#I like my drink weak ass and pathetic. alcohol is like spice I like a little to taste but not a lot. complimentary not overpowering#I drank it and then remembered I never ate lunch so I was like fuck and immediately went and ate something (work party so free food)
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I can speak any of the Romance languages just fine but for some god forsaken reason I CANNOT speak French like what the fuck is a bourgeoisie and why can’t I say it correctly for the life of me.
Yeah, French is pretty tricky... Figuring out what letters to pronounce is difficult and I can do the sounds for it in my head when I think I've figured it out (sort of) but my mouth lacks the flexibility to do them out loud haha
A long while ago I read Les Fleurs du Mal, and my copy is dual-language with the original French on the left page and an English translation on the right, and it drove me nuts that I didn't know how to read the sounds for the French so I read a crash course guide for it. It helped a lot once I realized that a good portion of the letters that aren't pronounced in a French word function similarly to an accented character in that it's there only to modify the sounds of the letters near it than to contribute in a major way to the overall sound of the word itself. My native Germanic language (English) brain really wants all of those letters to be doing something up-front instead rofl
Though, English also has its special words with sneaky little helper letters that aren't pronounced... ("sovereign...")
#asks#I dipped my toes into Gaelic and Welsh once upon a time and when I read about the letter pronunciation I was like#'Oh! French uses letters like this! Those must be from its Gaulish roots'#I LOVE the interconnectedness of languages. It's one of my favorite things to read about#Humans want to talk to each other and share cultures so much!!#Twirling my hair and kicking my feet thinking about Nordic traders learning languages in southern parts of Europe to trade with its people#So far from home and a language so different from their own...#God even just the traders and traveling people and cultures within just China alone. It's a diverse place!!#AND THE INTERNET!! I wish my Japanese writing skills were better so I could more efficiently communicate with my-#-Japanese Twitter mutuals...#Isn't it incredible how we're some of the first people in ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY that can feasibly maintain-#-friendships with people on the other side of the planet thousands and thousands of miles away...#Hundreds of thousands of years of human existence and only in these last 35 can we now do that#Ok I need to go get work done now lol This ask activated me
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My family just moved out of the house we've been living in for the last 17 years of my life (I'm 18 we moved there when I was 15ish months old)
#we're not fully done we gotta get more from the old house tomorrow#and the stuff in the storage room#my feet hurt so badly i can feel my hearbeat in the soles#moving#its a much nicer and bigger house#in the city instead of the smallish town across the river#theres seven of us so going from a 1 bath 3 bed to a 2 bath 4 bed with bigger rooms is a MAJOR upgrade#and the backyard is fenced in so the dog can go a little loose#the cats HATED MOVING we had to put them in boxes and fhey kept crawling out like demons#we ended up putting 4 in boxes 3 in a big crate 1 in a small crate and we had to put one box in the big crate#downside is every bedroom is up like 20 stairs and we have bed knees and aslo the porch steps (2) are steep#but so far its so much better#not excited to change all my adresses on everything and memorize a new adress for home#i am excited to (try to) get a job again#i havnt had one in a little over a month becusee i quit (because the owners sucked and didnt schedule me) to help with preping to move#anyway sorry for the ramble#faye speaks#faye rambles
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