#we'll be here when you get back
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To any creator who claims to have a "day job", may I suggest you focus on said day job and stop crashing tf out over pixels every 3-5 business days?
#like seriously#theres no need for it#take a break#we'll be here when you get back#sims 4 patreon#sims 4 content creators#platinumluxesims#Afrosimtricsimmer
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GET LOVED, IDIOT
GET LOVED SO HARD YOUR KIDS HOLD HANDS AND POWER-OF-LOVE YOU BACK TO LIFE
sorry guys, this is just my brain now. this is going to be the only thing I think about for the next week at least.
oh and also this
FIVE YEARS IN AND IT'S FINALLY CANON 🎉🎉🎉
WE DID IT
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#oh my god it had everything i wanted AND MORE#...except the hook for 8 which ironically was the only one i was 100% sure was guaranteed to happen#well whatever i am too busy floating in this pool of delicious diasomnia tears#SO MANY TEARS#malleus' voice acting was absolutely 🤌 delectable 🤌#him and silver both are usually so reserved you don't even notice until suddenly FULL-ON UGLY SOBBING#IKANAI DE KURE LILIAAAAAAAAAAA#god. i have so much i need to draw. malleus in his little royal outfit...#ENDLESS MELEANOR F O R E V E R#(ah...meleanor and the knight of dawn are holding hands... :) you've reconciled... :) how lovely...)#(oh...and bauru is here too...)#can't believe poor sebek got 'and also you're here'-ed even at a time like this#that rhythmic was SO cute i'm gonna die. he's your son so it should be ✨PINK✨#ugh this update has spoiled me absolutely rotten. i'm so happy#though i kept waiting for that silver vanrouge and finally decided it wasn't going to happen#then got the 'there is one thing...but it's not a gift that malleus-sama can give...'#and THAT'S WHEN THEY DID THE HOTFIX UPDATE AND I GOT BOOTED#and then i KEPT GETTING ACCESS ERRORS DUE TO HIGH VOLUME 😭#twst NO i didn't need that tension to be heightened thank you#on the other hand when malleus started his proclamation with 'in the name of the draconias...' i did have a second#where i was briefly convinced they were going to do the funniest possible thing and make silver draconia canon after all#anyway i'm out of tags so we'll have to discuss malleus' absolutely bonkers-cuckoo choice of party venue later#now i gotta get back to constantly rewatching the moment he realizes he's accidentally killed lilia. his weeping is my sustenance.
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*picking the purple option with lucanis' mind caterina to call her on her bullshit in the vain hope that maybe something subliminal might get through in the long run* it ain't much but it's honest work
#like. does he need comfort in this moment. yes. can I bear to hear her go 'my poor boy...' like she must have done a thousand times#when she was in fact the reason for his poor boyness. no. we've come too far for false comfort here I think this needs to cHANGE#I can't be a collaborateur in this we'll get you some other support structures yet if it kills me lucanis b/c this is grim#(I do like the 'the little boy you raised' phrasing in the 'nice' option a lot though. even though it's like... no. no I don't think#that her turning him away is ever going to be the problem. quite the opposite perhaps. but interesting that it is something#that he he clearly IS afraid of and worries might happen)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#unwell about dellamortes over breakfast again. not that I was ever gone but we are also so back
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rereading the nuca pink doujin and seeing yakumo tear himself apart re: his snake form vs his human form all this agony and self-doubt and silent suffering and fear of rejection like "if i looked less human would u hate me" , "if u saw me in my true form wouldn't that be horrible. terrifying. disgusting" , "if i admitted i want to swallow you whole would you think worse of me"
and i imagine him asking something like this to the crowd of clan members , who are , undeniably,, a group of Kinky Fuckers
they all smile with the serenity and carefully masked excitement of a horny olivine. masterful beautiful reassuring expressions (errr..... masked to different degrees depending on the clan member)
#yaku is in his head so much about that#he thinks his snake form would be gross right? right????#eiden might give me Wet Hole privileges when i look like this carefully crafted human avatar#but if i revert to my original body there's no way anyone would ever want to ..be with me... like that? right???#meanwhile eiden's just got that sly look on his face in the corner waiting for yakumo to make the proposal#i can't imagine any of the clan members being particularly freaked out about yaku in snake form.....#all the yokai are immediately eliminated from Grossed Out pool. like. that's them. they know how it be#then you got the ppl who have lived way too long to be shocked by a sweet little snakewife being more noodley than usual#rei and quincy fall into that category most likely. blade by association because . well. blade.#he's gonna make a Yakuchan Snake sculpture and it's gonna be extra cute so yakumo doesn't feel shy about his snake form anymore#(actually it's going to freak yaku out even more and he's gonna spiral thinking that he's uglier than he ever imagined)#(and he's gonna run away feeling more insecurity while blade is SUPER CONFUSED because he captured his cuteness perfectly??)#(eiden's gonna have to reconcile another misunderstanding. sorry eiden. artistic differences are rough)#and you have the general Kinky Fuckers like eiden oli and morv#morv won't care as long as you feed him LOL#and eiden and oli are just sideeyeing excitedly like. snake? snake??? can we. can we try that 👀#i imagine that the only people who might express hesitation at first are edmond and dante#eddie would probably cave though once he realises it is IN FACT still yakumo in there. and he can fully consent#(then we give way to Kinky Fucker Edmond. Welcome to the party eddie!)#hmm... dante... never really thought about him and snakekumo...#how would that even go DOWN? like what is even the siTUATION here? how did we get here??#dante catches sooley who has a tiny snakekumo in his mouth??? a tiny lil guy who was lurking in his palace for some reason???#hm. warrants more thought exploration. we'll come back to that another time.#nu carnival yakumo
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#talonflame#almost forgot what this thing was called for a sec. it's like. both of its prevos have “fletch” in their names#and then this one completely changes up the formula with “talonflame”#cool name‚ don't get me wrong‚ but why not be. fletchtalon. or fletchflame. or some shit#also hi me coming back and editing this on new years' eve to say happy 2024 to everyone#i didn't realize this was gonna post on january 1st when i queued it up but here's my acknowledgement of this now in case i don't#acknowledge it otherwise#we'll see what i end up doing. there's some things i'm considering Maybe doing but this will post after the fact so#if i didn't end up doing anything for new years then you have permission to be disappointed at me in the comments
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bringing positivity for once: today at work i was told that my coworkers said i'm good at tutoring 🥹 and yesterday one coworker sent me a message himself thanking me for my tutoring 🥹 and then my therapist told me the others in this group thing i'm taking part in all like me 🥹😭😭
#actually therapy was very... good today. like. made me feel good. i'm still like scared but i feel like maybe i'm not doomed#which is a new thing for me lol#also i made known again my desire to do more hours at work and the hr person said mh i see here they were already considering for you......#1 more hour. which lol considering how i'm already doing pretty few hours that almost feels like a joke like 1h and they're not even sure 😭#she said in the future it'll be more for everyone gradually. but she said she'd bring it up now with who makes the decisions and we'll see#i'm hoping the amount of commitment and quality i bring when i do my job will mean something otherwise i'd feel very crap lol#especially bc like i think they gave A Lot more than 1 more hour to a coworker that's been here for like 2 months lol ....... doesn't feel#very good tbh. like i do my best and more all the time and have for almost 3 years and i rarely get appreciation or smth lol but when it#comes up i'm told my coordinators are happy with me they've never complained i'm doing great....... but maybe getting smth back for all my#hard work would be good? i think they rely too much on the fact i really like it there but like i need to survive i need money and i also#don't want to be made a fool of. you know. i'm way too much of a doormat but how this will play out will be key. i love my workplace and#i understand that being a small company and a social cooperative means there's less money but if your budget is big enough to give#someone who's been here 2 months like 10 more hours than the standard it can be big enough to give someone who's busted their ass off for#3 years just as much. or i'll feel like i'm being fucked over lol#we'll see#i said i was bringing positivity lol i mean mostly i'm happy i'm just like. still dealing with a bit at work#and while being told i'm good is great i do hope it translates into something favorable to me bc i'm young and this is my first real job#and i love it there but i'm not dumb and i don't like being taken advantage of. i don't want to but if need be i can look elsewhere#anyway lol i'm glad that people like me and/or my ability to explain and teach? and apparently i'm not completely awful? go figure
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just got the funniest idea for a stream
#snap chats#ok hear me out you know how back in like middle/high school or w/e when the teach would wheel out the projector#and she'd put a paper on that and Project It onto the white board imagine if i did that with comic reading JVLEJAKVJ#i was thinking of doing this for the manhunt event. which i think ends this week no.....#SPECIFICALLY getting the projector out too no idc about reading off a site. we'll make this complicated#i wish i could read it live with yall thatd be so funny...#project that on the wall like 'class we're all studying this panel for the next thirty minutes. in this dark as hell room'#no itd be funny cause imagine having a lil laser pointer and everything. or one of them wooden pointers#'right here on this panel you can see the exact moment this plot goes downhill' vjEARLKEAJL#man that'd be funny. if only i streamed vELKVJAKL#anyway im supposed to be writing data down ssh ill go back to it i just need my government-mandated five minutes of stupidity#i just had dinner . happy premature st pattys day. so that of course also means my organs are dying#YOU KNOW WHAT MY MOM SAID THE OTHER DAY i take antacid tablets now and i tell her this#and she's like 'why dont you go to the doctor- you shouldnt self medicate :('#ok well 1.) It Aint That Easy Anymore You Wanna Remember Why 2.) what do you mEAN DONT SELF MEDICATE WITH ANTACIDS#ma'am if i die from antacids so be it im not coughing as much anymore my life is 2% less painful. for now.#whatever im going back to writing data down bye everyone... this is balls...
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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I was going to have rye maaaybe start to buy into solas' whole johnny silverhand deal a little bit more in the post-weisshaupt talk -- to Progress the Arc tm/set up the beginning softening in that relationship and heighten the effect when it eventually goes. quite another way entirely -- but the sheer spectacular cruelty in hindsight of 'at least you still have varric to talk to' is such that considering where I'm intending to end up with this narratively, the stoic 'not here to make friends you fucker gimme your intel' option is simply irresistible. gotta have that echo rattling around rye's head forever when he decides that you know what? I have had enough of being nice, actually. I do want to go ape shit. someone hold my coat for me please I have some work to do and I don't want to stain it. guess for now the ol' watcher training & instincts are still kicking in enough for them to treat solas like a tricky spirit you should treat with respect and good intentions, but also shouldn't be out there offering little fingers to unless you have a whole arm lying around to spare haha
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#I LOVED weisshaupt as a mission tho. I've seen it through multiple times and still my heart was going so fucking fast haha#also bringing lucanis with you is SO funny and weirdly sweet even tho you miss the 'you call that nice and quiet??' part#(you get neve just swearing instead! a very good substitute hfdskjah sorry neve...)#it really feels like he and rook keep turning to each other as everything escalates exponentially with like...#helpless and numb but deeply companionable shrugs. we are both equally near-existentially baffled by this. but at least#we are near-existentially baffled by this *together*. thanks man. yeah I mean. she IS a cloud. i don't know what else to say here#all we can do is give it a shot right. yeah. yup. good talk dude check in with you in a minute we gotta kill some ghouls#and then the Arcs both lucanis and rye are on with davrin too especially when they're all making peace in the library...#*steeples fingers with narrative glee and excitement* yes yeeess it's all coming together#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#I love solas so much. but that comment is straight up so awful. he says it sooo... *smugly*. it's because he's frustrated#at his powerlessness and being denied access to rook's interior life and getting his hooks into them psychologically I realize#which is his best and only path back to agency at this point#but it's such an ugly instinct to drop something like that in there because it makes YOU feel better#that was not just a 'oh better remind rook they can always talk to their old pal varric for tactical reasons!' there was feeling in that#tho you know the reason I love solas is primarily the multiple other comments he has through that convo#that are laugh out loud hilarious to me. he's such a little SHIT!!! always and forever <3#listen man... in another life I'll come back for you and we'll be kinder to each other that time in the end huh
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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14, 17, 28 for the ask game 💛
Ask game
14. What's something upcoming that you're looking forward to?
Long-term, the ritual in October. I'm still in a little disbelief that I somehow got a ticket, haha. Short-term, finally getting my application in to transfer to a university so that I can stop having that hanging over my head (will likely be doing this tomorrow), and having a job again so that I can finally have an income
17. How do you feel best loved?
😅 Taking a moment to expose a part of my psyche, huh? Uh, I think it's when someone shows that they think of me or care about me, like when you pop in on occasion with a photo of nature or bug perspective. Buba has some specific pet names that are an insta-kill to my heart because of how evidently affectionate they are. It just means a lot to me for that to even be a thing now
Second to that is any sort of physical affection, for months Tumblr kept trying to recommend my "I am a slut for non-sexual intimacy" tag whenever I typed anything and I think it's because it knows
28. What are you proudest of?
The fact that I keep putting myself out here, even when I just feel like retreating and hiding within myself. I still don't really branch out into the larger community (especially on other platforms), but finding myself a rather stable position here is still big for me
#applied for a job but i won't hear back for a few weeks. have a few others i can apply to but we'll see#i am very prone to isolating myself and even though i've had the usual urge to deactivate and hide when things get bad#as with what happened to my old blog in the 2010's#but just the thought of 'wait i like it here' has been enough and that is quite nice#anyways. perhaps too much into that. i hope your afternoon is going well tonee i am sending you a beverage of choice#thank you for the questions 💚#lifemod17#ask game#z's inbox
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Immense willingness to write VS absolutely shot visual/word processing that makes it hard to read: battle to the death right now
#saltposting#I might just go have dinner and a routine about it and hope#oh my god of course that's the moment the dreaded flashing blue lights of parked emergency vehicle choose to manifest on our street. YIKES#vade retro etc etc. ANYWAY as I was saying: hope that's enough of a break for me to be able to write after*#I know why even (< blogged hardcore then spent the whole evening rabbit holing reading articles online) but I don't have to LIKE it#especially when reading words is just about the easiest least tiring processing experience we can have in this house#and it's still hard now? Like could it have waited until bedtime maybe.#Then again I could also have kept writing instead of spending 10 minutes in the google docs then bailing to go deep dive about [redacted]#for the fic I was writing granted. But like. You Know. Maybe we didn't need to do HOURS of research about it because past a certain point#it was no longer research for the fic it was just waaaahhhh this is interesting for its own sake#and now here we are LOL anyway#(we've also been insanely switchy the past couple days which is Not making any of this better due to feeling pulled in different directions#(broadly speaking “writing” is a collaborative project we're all invested in but we're having creative differences right now unfortunately)#(so it's hard to uh. Get started or remain consistent. Even outside of the exec dys bc our actual executives are actually behaving today)#(The problem is the four(? possibly more) butts on one chair problem right now. Actually might be part of what's making processing hard too#Ironically putting the colours in my own post made it look Easier to parse?? So uh. Might investigate that. After dinner.#BYE we'll be back later. Maybe not tonight I really do mean to write SOMETHING today even if I'm killed with lasers for it
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I love being in older fandoms. I don't ever have to be wary of spoiling other people because nothing is new. nothing has been new for like 20 years, and if something is new, it's probably shit anyways so who cares. if you're worried about spoilers I simply don't know what to tell you other than that's the risk you run by being online. ought to know better surely
#I'm vague posting about teen wolf btw but that's neither here nor there#I saw someone fret about using spoiler tags for a book series and it just like. shocked me#I forgot that was a thing people do sometimes#kinder than me tell you what I've never bothered even when I WAS in active fresh fandoms#I accepted that if you go online for a fandom and you've not fully interacted with your media#you're gonna get spoiled. just how it goes c'mon now yeah#idk good for the ones that are being cautious of spoiling people but I think it's entirely unnecessary#—:*after these messages we'll be righttttt back*:—
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in unrelated news the flowering stopped,,.
#ummm m in normal person speak that means the obsession is back to manageable levels now#but i haven't seen a sprig of lavender anywhere on me in a few days!... this is a good thing?#i assume? i don't know how this works#it was kind of a thing when dark was around I'd wake her and ask but we dont have the spoons rn. maybe later#ummmmmmmmmm. flo still hasn't written that infodump on how hanahaki works here i should remind her#pk;m curly🩹#of course do not get it twisted; we still love you and will love you until we die and we'll love you beyond the grave#it's just. back to normal levelsUWEJEKSKDKFKDDKDK WE'RE NORMAL AGAIN! FJFNDJFJD
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🤐
#oversharing on the internet moment again so like prepare for that ig#but! i kind of vented a little too hard at my friend last weekend so i was thinking id finally try and make use of#my unis student mental health resources since the balls kind of rolling in some direction now that i said it out loud#but obviously when most of the problem is that i can never get anything done we'll see when i actually manage to contact anyone#esp when the assesment chat is open from 9 to 11 in the morning and my sleep schedules kind of not made for that rn#but my second problem is like. what the hell do i even say to them? just 'i dont do anything'?? that doesnt feel like enough right???#and stuff like 'i have a low self esteem and few close friends' seems so small too like yeah you and every other 20 something year old#youd think id know what to say after a fictional therapy session has been what ive used to fall asleep for like half my life but here we are#so if anyone has any tips/experience itd be much appreciated :')#i feel a bit pathetic writing this but like. for anyone else getting help is like the polar opposite of pathetic#so i gotta extend that view to myself too#my post#see i havent felt like 'my problems arent important/serious enough' for YEARS#but immediately when id have to tell them to another person its back
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