#we’re here for another 3 days but i’m already so sad thinking about going back to arizona like i’m actually dreading it

[steviescrystals]

back in colorado this week for the first time since 2018 and i never want to leave i love it here so much and i constantly miss living here

[katsu28]

summer's golden haze - chapter three

pairing: lando norris x reader

summary: bar hopping, damsels in drunken distress, and a late night heart to heart. (5.1k)

warnings: swearing, alcohol, lando talks about the hungarian gp shitshow

a/n: yes this is me maybe slightly projecting my feelings about hungary onto my characters okay! they're my barbie dolls to play with i can do whatever i want 😌↕️ anyways hope u enjoy <3

previous chapter | masterlist

“Hello? Are you even listening?” 

You blink, bringing yourself back to reality and back to the current conversation. Your friends are looking back at you with matching concerned, albeit a little annoyed expressions. “What? Sorry, I was—I’m here, sorry. What’s going on?” 

Samira tuts, but not unkindly. They all know you’ve got a million things running in your mind at the moment. “I was saying our dinner reservations got canceled. Something about the kitchen having to close down for maintenance, I dunno. Anyways, it frees us up tonight and we’re trying to figure out what to do instead.” 

“Oh. We could stay in? Order some food, watch a movie?” 

“I know what we need,” Camille gasps suddenly, eyes lighting up like she’s just had a brilliant idea. “We’re going bar hopping tonight.” 

“Bar hopping? We haven’t done that since—” You pause, taking a moment to think. You haven’t been bar hopping since Samira got dumped by her girlfriend a few months back, the time before that when Maren finally cut ties with her situationship last year. The only time you all go bar hopping is after a breakup. They think what happened with Lando is the same as breaking up with a partner. “Guys, seriously, I’m fine. He was never even my boyfriend anyways!” 

“Say what you want, but you’ve been super out of it these past few days. You need to let loose, do something that makes you stop thinking of Lando and start thinking about yourself again.”  

You scowl, crossing your arms over your chest. “I think about myself plenty.”

Camille rolls her eyes at you. “I mean not in that mopey, sad ‘I say everything is fine even though it’s not’ way. There’s more fish in the sea than Lando. Find one, or don’t, it’s up to you. But you need to forget about him.” 

Your lips press into a thin line as you sink back into your seat.

You don’t want another fish in the sea. You want the weird little crab with the cute accent and the sparkly eyes, the one you’ve already let back into the water.

The one you can’t have. 

Things haven’t been too awkward with Lando yet, but they definitely aren’t the same. Two people who really like each other but have decided to remain friends doesn’t really scream smooth sailing from now on to you. The wound is still fresh, and there are hints of it as you spend more time with the guys. 

Immediately filling the empty seat next to each other like it’s second nature but then having to awkwardly scoot away when your shoulders bump or your hands brush. Lingering glances across tables and rooms until one of you breaks and looks away first. Finding him first in a place full of other people and drifting towards him, only to come to your senses and switch up directions at the last moment. 

You wish you could say forgetting Lando would be easy. It really isn’t—not when your friend groups have basically melded into one big one, and everyone gets along so well. It would’ve been easier if you’d gone your separate ways, but you don’t think your heart would’ve liked that very much. Not that it enjoys skipping a beat every time you catch Lando’s eyes on you a little too long either. 

You wrinkle your nose, brows following. “I’m sad and mopey?” 

“A little bit.” 

“Okay, fine. Fine, let’s go bar hopping,” You concede, letting your shoulders drop. 

If you’re going to get over him, you might as well start right now. 

That’s how you end up in bar number one of the night, four tequila shots on the bar table in front of you. You eye the unassuming little glass warily, even as each of your friends snatch one up eagerly. 

Samira, as if sensing your hesitation, nudges yours toward you. “It’s one shot, babe. It won’t kill you.” 

“I know that,” You insist, throwing your shoulders back. “I just…need a second.” 

“Take all the time you need. We’re going all night.” 

Tonight isn’t about your feelings for Lando. Tonight is about you moving on, moving past what could’ve been with him and looking forward to what might come next. With or without him. 

You hold up your shot towards them, grinning big. “Here’s to moving forward, and making memories that’ll last a lifetime!” 

Clinking your glass against all of theirs, you throw back the clear liquid as smoothly as you can, only wincing a little bit at the burn of it going down your throat. It isn’t your usual drink of choice, but change has to start somewhere, right? 

-------

As far as bars go, this one isn’t the worst one you’ve been to tonight, but the fun has started to wear off for you. You’d stopped drinking around bar number two, the buzz of your much tamer drink choices after those first few shots starting to die down bit by bit. On the other hand, your friends are still going full steam ahead. You’ve honestly lost track of how many drinks they’ve had at the bars you’ve hit tonight, but they’re holding on pretty well. 

“Fuck boys!” Samira exclaims, slamming another shot glass down onto the table with gusto. Maren and Camille agree wholeheartedly with identical slurred ‘yeah, fuck ‘em!’s that make you chuckle into your glass of water. 

You know they’re just trying to make you feel better about your decision, and in a way, it helps. You’d finally been able to talk about what went down that afternoon without feeling an indescribable rush of guilt, and although they were disappointed at first, it became less when you’d told them why. They’re your best friends, and they know you better than anyone, so they know for a fact Lando’s lifestyle was not the one for you. 

Tonight was supposed to be all about forgetting your feelings, but as the night went on longer and your inhibitions became lower, you still couldn’t help but think about Lando. That mental box you’d put him has burst wide open already. 

You’re a little embarrassed to admit it, but you’d done a little research on him after getting home, which turned into a deep dive of his career, his life, anything that piqued your interest in him. You were curious to know what a guy like him saw in someone like you. 

It felt a little weird to see him outside the Lando you’ve gotten to know him as, because he seemed…different. He’s still the same sweet guy you know, but on video he’s a more tame version of himself. 

Carefully chosen words and shy smiles, he wears his confidence like a suit of armor on camera, to protect himself against the world. Here, he’s all bursting grins and loud belly laughs, unfiltered and so, so happy. He seems so normal, it’s hard to remember that he’s not just your everyday guy. Lando is one of the best and well known racing drivers in the whole world.

Making sure to separate the two is important if you want to stay firm in your decision. 

Somehow it hits nearly four in the morning, and it’s about high time you make the executive decision to call it quits and go home. The only problem is, you’re the only semi-sober one out of the four of you. You have the car, but you don’t trust yourself to drive in this state. None of your friends are in any shape to be of any help either, not when Maren is nearly passed out on the tabletop, and Camille and Samira drunkenly swaying with each other right next to you. 

You don’t really trust any rideshares at this time of night in an unfamiliar place, and even then, there’s no way you can get them all home by yourself. There’s only one other thing you can think of, one other person you can call to help you out. The one person you were hoping to not have to call. 

The moment your finger hits Lando’s number, you have half a mind to hang up. You’re about to, but then the line connects. 

“Yeah, what?” Lando’s voice is gravelly, thick with sleep. A little grumpy. Of course he’s grumpy, it’s nearing three in the morning and he was probably asleep. You feel bad that you've woken him up, but you couldn't think of anything else. 

“Lando? I’m so sorry to be calling you this late, I just didn’t know what else to do.”

Immediately, he sounds more alert when your name leaves his lips. “Is everything alright? What’s up?” 

You gnaw on your lip in contemplation until he says your name again, gentler this time. “We’re at a bar in town and the girls are really drunk and we need to get home, but I had a few drinks too so I didn't think I should drive. And I tried to call an Uber but at this time of night I don’t—” 

“Hey, no, it’s okay. I can come pick you up.” He interrupts your rambling and you're grateful for it, because the more you talk the more you think this was a bad idea. You’re asking him for too much, you're stretching the limits of an already awkward friendship too far, you're— “Just tell me where you are, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

“Really?” 

“Of course. Drop me your location and stay there.” You can hear rustling on his end of the line, pounding on a door, someone’s groggy voice saying something you can’t make out. Then Lando’s voice fills your ear again, soft yet firm. “Hang tight, ‘kay? Be there soon.” 

“Thank you so much,” You breath, truly grateful. He hangs up, and you can finally let out a breath of relief. Lando is coming. You won’t be stranded here. 

Lando jumps out of the car as soon as it pulls to a stop in front. He’s got on some nondescript jumper with the hood pulled up over his head and a random pair of joggers, and he definitely doesn’t look like he’d just been roused from his sleep. In fact, seeing him all disheveled with worry like this is kind of doing it for you. 

You’re in the middle of apologizing again when Lando crashes into you, arms wrapping around you tighter than you’re expecting, nearly squeezing the breath out of you. You meet Max’s eyes over his shoulder, who you’d just realized was also here, and he doesn’t look surprised at all. He looks rather smug, actually. 

“Are you okay?” Lando holds you at arms length, worried eyes scanning you for anything out of place, any injury. Other than your pride, you remain unharmed. Though that pesky fluttery feeling in your stomach is back again, as is the warmth in your chest, and it isn’t from the alcohol. 

His hood has fallen off from the force of his hug to reveal the tornado of curls on his head, flat on one side from his pillow most likely, as are the lines on his face from what was probably a good night’s sleep. Until you called, that is. 

You blink at him, caught off guard by the amount of care he still seems to have for you. It feels like an impossible feat to tear your gaze away from his. “Yes? I mean, yeah, I’m fine. You—wow, you got here fast.” 

“I thought maybe something—nevermind.” He cranes his neck around you to glance at your half asleep friends on the bench. “Are…they okay?” 

“Yeah, they’re fine. Tequila, y’know?” You shrug. 

Max lets out a snort of laughter from where he’s wandered over to check on them, waving a hand in front of Samira’s face. She swats at him halfheartedly, mumbling a sleepy, “Fuck off, Fewtrell.” 

“Sorry to wake you too, Max.” 

“Oh no, you didn’t wake me. He did.” He juts his chin over at Lando, who still has a hand around your elbow. You can’t help but let your eyes drop down to it, and Lando does too, inhaling sharply before letting go. Still, the warmth from his grip lingers. “And not very nicely might I add.” 

“I had to get you up quick!”

��You nearly took my head off with a pillow, you dickhead!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want a kiss on the forehead?” Lando snorts. 

“Not from you!” 

“Come off it already, won’t you?” Lando turns his attention back to you instead, rolling his eyes playfully when he finds you stifling a giggle behind your palm. “You said you had your car?” 

“Um, yeah, it’s around the corner. We can just leave it here, I’ll circle back and pick it up in the morning.” 

Lando clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “It’ll probably be stripped for parts by tomorrow. How bout we split up? Two and two?” 

“Well, we all know who you want,” Max says knowingly. It makes your cheeks flame hot and Lando’s flush pink, but Max doesn’t waver in his shit eating grin. For some reason, you find his candid bluntness refreshing, even if it is poking fun at what’s going on (or not going on) between Lando and yourself. “You guys take Maren in your car, I’ll take these two and meet you at your house.” 

Max manages to coax Camille and Samira to their feet with little trouble, and before you know it they’re off, leaving you alone with Lando and a very sleepy Maren. He rocks back on his heels, biting the inside of his cheek awkwardly, like he’s not sure what to do. 

“Should we—” 

“I think—” Lando bites back a laugh, gesturing for you to speak first. 

“We should probably get going.” 

“Right. Let’s get her in the car then, yeah?” 

You couldn’t be less well versed in cars if you tried, but even you know the one Lando came to your rescue in is expensive. You’re almost too reluctant to even sit in it. But then Lando’s hand touches softly against the small of your back as he pulls open the door without hesitation, and you have no choice but to help Maren in. 

Not like you had much of a choice anyways, what with him being the knight in shining armor to your damsel in distress call. 

“Did you have fun? Before having to play mum to the girls, I mean.” Lando asks a little while later, not taking his eyes off the road. 

You blow out a deep breath, sinking back into the plush leather of the passenger seat. The soft smoothness is heaven on your skin. “Kinda. The first few drinks, at least. Felt a little out of place, honestly.” 

“What, you didn't charm some guy the same way you charmed me?” Silence fills the car like cement as soon as the words leave his mouth. A pang of something sharp shoots through you, something akin to hurt that flashes through your chest but is gone a second later. 

No, you shouldn’t feel hurt. You’re the one who hurt him. Even though he’s told you over and over that it’s okay, it’s fine, he understands your decision, Lando has every right to express his true feelings, no matter how it makes you feel. 

“Sorry, that was—that came out wrong. I just meant—” 

“I know what you meant,” You say quietly. He wants to know if you met someone else, and the answer is no. No, you didn't meet another guy, because all you could think about was him. But you’re just friends. You’d made certain of it. So why did you feel like you’d done something wrong? “I didn’t meet anyone else.” 

“Oh. Cool.” 

“Is it?” 

A muscle in his jaw clenches as he swallows thickly, nodding. “Yeah. I mean, if that’s what you want. What you’re looking for.” 

“I don’t think I’m looking for anything right now,” Your voice is soft, nearly a whisper. 

I’m not looking for something that isn’t you, you could add. You don’t. It wouldn’t do anything other than hurt him, and yourself, even more. 

The rest of the ride home is basically silent, and Max is waiting on the sofa with the other two when you finally get there, entertaining a story that Camille is telling not unlike one would with a child, uh huh-ing and wow, that’s so cool-ing until he realizes you’re finally here. 

You take over from then, thank him profusely yet again when he says he’s going to head home, before corralling all three girls into the bathroom like a zookeeper with their animals. 

One by one, you help each of your friends through an abridged version of their night routines until they’re all ready for bed, and then you tuck them into the same bed as best you can. You’ve relegated yourself to the floor with a littering of pillows for the night. It’ll be easier to get to them if they need anything during the night if you’re all in the same room. 

You’re surprised to see Lando in the doorway once you’ve gotten them all settled in for the night. You thought he'd left with Max, but apparently not.  

He glances up as he hears you approach, frowning. “You’re gonna sleep on the floor?” 

You shrug. “Yeah, it’s fine. I can keep an eye on them that way. You can, erm, you can go home now. Go back to sleep.” 

“No offense, but I’m pretty sure they’ll sleep through the night. Plus, you must be knackered too. You should get some rest, yeah?” You want to say no, but your body’s response betrays you in that moment, because you yawn big, and it makes him chuckle. “Come on. Sleep in your own bed. I’ll watch over them.” 

“No way.” You shake your head insistently, despite the enticing offer. “You’ve already done more than enough, Lando, I can’t ask you to stay up all night. I’ve got them covered.” 

“You shouldn’t either.” He shoots back, chin tilting up in challenge. You match him as best you can with your eyes growing heavier and heavier by the moment, and eventually, he backs down, hands up in mock surrender. “How ‘bout we take shifts? The living room’s right across the hall, if we camp out there and anyone makes a racket, whoever’s up will be able to hear them.” 

You twist your lips to the side in thought. “Deal. I call first watch though.” 

“I can live with that. Why don’t you go freshen up, or something?” 

“Is that your way of telling me I stink?” 

Lando’s eyes glint with mirth, teasing smile curling his lips. “Maybe.” 

“Well, maybe you don’t smell too good either!” That’s a total lie. He actually smells really nice, a mixture of remnants of his heady cologne from the day and something fresher, a little citrusy. His soap, maybe? 

A hot shower certainly does wonders to sober you up the rest of the way, and as you’re toweling your hair dry enough to where it won’t be dripping water down your shirt, you take a good look at yourself in the fogged up mirror. 

This is fine. You can spend a night alone with Lando without feeling anything towards him. You can do this. You’ve done harder things than this. 

Lando’s frowning at something on his phone when you make your way back into the living room, scowling like whatever’s on the screen has personally wronged him. It isn’t the first time you've noticed his demeanor turn sour like this, and your concern is piqued each time. 

You clear your throat as if to announce your presence, offering him a small smile when his head whips up. “Hi. Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just work.” He tosses his phone on the coffee table, dragging a hand forward through his curls, mussing up the front before raking them back. It doesn’t seem to do anything but make them messier, but you suspect it’s more of a nervous habit than anything.

He smiles back at you as you sit a respectable distance away from him on the sofa, though even that looks entirely forced. Something is wrong, and it’s eating away at him. 

“Look, I know things aren't how they used to be with us, but I hope you know I’m still here for you. You can always talk to me if you need to.” 

Lando gnaws on his bottom lip, head tilting from side to side like he's unsure. “Really? You’d do that for me?” 

“Friends are there for each other.” 

He blows out a deep sigh, sinking back against the pillows like a deflated balloon. “Yeah? You’re sure?” 

“I’m a good listener, remember?” You nudge his knee with yours gently. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m all ears.” 

He isn’t ready right away. For a little while, you sit in silence. You get the feeling Lando doesn’t have much experience with letting people in very easily, but it's okay. You’ll sit here as long as he needs to get his thoughts together. 

Finally he speaks, but even then, his tone holds hesitance. 

“I feel like everything is going to shit. The car is great this season, it’s better than it's ever been before, so that’s not the problem. It’s me, I’m the problem, I keep fucking everything up," He sighs, shoulders slumping. "And my team work so hard for me to be able to perform and deliver and I feel like I’m just letting everyone down, y’know? They deserve someone who can give them better than the shit stuff I’ve been putting out these past few races.” 

Lando as a person is impossibly hard on himself, you’ve come to learn—always thinks he could’ve done better, even if what he’s already done is enough. The same is true when it comes to his job. 

You’d know—you checked. In your uninformed opinion, the results he’s been achieving in the races are great. To be finishing high in the top five out of twenty of the best drivers in the world in almost every single race recently, it’s enough to make anyone proud.

But when you think about it from a competition perspective, a cutthroat drive with everything you’ve got, put everything on the line perspective, you get a sense of why he’s beating himself up. 

To know he can win and still fall short, race after race…god, you can’t even imagine how he must be feeling. 

You might be clueless still, but at the very basis of it all, you understand. Lando has worked so hard for so many years, put in blood, sweat, and tears, and he feels like he’s not living up to expectations. 

You know what it’s like to have such high expectations placed on your shoulders and nearly be crushed by the weight of everyone counting on you. Surely not on a scale as large as his, but you understand the struggle. 

Then he goes into the race in Hungary a few weeks back, and you can tell there’s some lingering hurt in him about what happened. 

“It’s like they were guilt tripping me or something. Telling me I’ll need the team in the championship fight, that I should do the right thing and give up my position. Call me crazy, but that just didn’t sit right with me at all. They want me to be a team player and that’s fine, I’m happy to, but I dunno…” Lando trails off, nose wrinkling like the words leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

You notice him picking at the skin below his nail and move without thinking, closing the distance between the two of you and redirecting his fiddling fingers by linking them with your own. 

It gets him to stop picking, but it also makes him stop talking. Whatever words are about to come out of his mouth die into a drawn out exhale, eyes drawn to your joined hands like a magnet. 

“Yeah? Keep going, I’m still listening,” You urge gently, nodding. Lando blinks at you, as if he’s lost his train of thought. “Hungary? The team?”

“Uh…yeah. Right. I was—I guess I just didn’t think they’d pull all that crap over the radio. Like, everyone could hear what they were saying—other teams, the commentators. It was on live broadcast too!” His fingers tighten around yours ever so slightly, dark brows knit with frustration. 

Even though you know close to nothing about the sport, what his team pulled seems like a dick move. You understand wanting to put their drivers in the best position possible, but airing things out on a radio where everyone can hear it feels wrong to you. Then again, you have no idea what goes on within a team at this type of performance level. 

“It’s like, they knew I’d do what they wanted me to do and I did, but for a moment, I almost didn’t. I almost went against team orders, and that’s…” He laughs humorlessly, shaking his head. “You don’t do that. You can’t. You listen to what your team says and you do it, and that’s the end. My boss has been calling every now and then, trying to get me to talk and shit, and I just don’t really wanna talk about work right now. I don’t even wanna think about it.” 

“Oh, Lando…” You sigh. Your thumb rubs circles over the prominent ridges of his knuckles, hoping it brings him some sort of comfort.

“I know I probably sound like such a brat right now, but I’ve given everything I have to McLaren and it still doesn't feel like enough. They want more, and right now…I’m not sure how much more I’ve got in me.” 

“Can I be completely and totally honest with you right now?” 

“Yeah, please.” 

You hesitate, taking a beat to reply. You don’t want him to take your response the wrong way. “I’m not gonna sit and pretend like I have any clue what it’s like to be in your situation, because I don’t. But I do think you’re being too hard on yourself. Yeah, sometimes you might not get the results you’d hoped for, but you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all you need to be doing.” 

Lando doesn’t need your advice, and you’re in no place to be giving any in the first place. He just needs someone in his corner, someone who cares about him to tell him that it’s okay to not be perfect. You want to be that person, even though you’re both still trying to settle into this new dynamic with each other. 

Thankfully, your words seem to soak in, easing the tension in his shoulders just a little bit. “Thank you. I think I really needed that.” 

“Glad I could help,” You say warmly, squeezing his hand. 

“Y’know, I just realized that I’ve never said any of that out loud to anyone.”

“Do you feel better?” 

Lando chuckles, and somehow, he even seems better. Like whatever was weighing him down was gone. “Yeah, I do. I feel…lighter, actually? Is that weird?” 

“Not at all. That’s what letting things out will do for you.”

“Maybe. But maybe it’s more than that, maybe it’s…you.” 

Your breath hitches in your chest. “Me?”

“You make me feel like I can be myself around you. Like, the real me, not the me the rest of the world knows me as. I feel genuinely happy around you, and I—I can’t just sit here and ignore it any longer. I still really like you. And I know what you said about us, and I know why, but I can’t help the way I feel around you. The way I feel about you.” 

“Lando, I—” 

“I swear I’m not trying to change your mind or make you feel guilty, or anything like that! I just had to say it before it made me explode,” He adds, exhaling shakily. “In the spirit of letting things out.” 

You’d be lying to yourself if you said you hadn’t been starting to question whether or not you’d made the right choice by deciding to walk away from Lando, because the more you get to know him, the more it chips away at your resolve. He’s kind and sweet and funny, and he gets you like nobody else has before. It’s been hell these past few days, tiptoeing around each other when all you want to do is kiss him senseless.

Right now, you want to kiss him senseless. He’s right here in front of you, holding your hand, looking at you with those stupid sparkly eyes. You want to say it’s the leftover alcohol buzzing in your veins making you feel this way, but that would be a lie too. 

Fuck it. 

You cross the already dwindling space between the two of you, sliding a hand around the back of his neck, and kissing him softly. Lando freezes for a split second, but before you know it, he’s kissing you back, guiding you closer until you’re nearly on his lap. His hands roam your back, curling into the material of your shirt, thumbing under it just a tiny bit to stroke at the warm skin there. 

It isn’t at all like the first time you kissed. He lets you set the tone, following your slow lead without question. 

You’re not sure how long you keep at it—lazy, gentle kisses punctuated with hushed giggles and tiny satisfied noises from the both of you.

Lando takes a pause every so often, pulling back just enough to look at you, take in the sight of you breathless from his doing, and every time, his mouth curls into a squinty, close mouthed smile. You can only bear the fondness in his expression for a few seconds before growing too aware of the way he looks at you and kissing him again. 

Your brain doesn’t want to stop, but apparently your body decides you’ve had enough action for a day, because at some point you feel your eyes start to droop, chin following.

As if sensing your exhaustion, Lando pulls away, chest rising and falling heavily. He’s breathless, lips kiss-swollen as they curve into a soft smile. “We should stop. You need to get some sleep.” 

“No! We should talk about this. Us.” 

“I agree, but I don’t think you’re really in the right headspace to do it right now.”

“I’m fine! I’m okay, I swear.” 

“You just nearly fell asleep whilst we were making out.”

“For a second!” You whine, letting your head thunk against his chest. A chuckle vibrates through him. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m tired.” 

“Then go to sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning,” He insists, lips pressed to the crown of your head. You sigh through your nose. You’d argue a little more, but Lando is right again. All you want to do is go to sleep. “I’m not going anywhere, alright? I’ll be here when you wake up, we can figure it out then.” 

“Promise?” 

“I promise.”

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[athenamikaelson]

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader!Soulmate x Elijah Mikaelson PART 3

Word Count- 2.7

Warnings- swearing, canon violence, spoilers obvi, puking

“I really think this is a bad idea,” I tell Elena and Rose from the backseat of Elena’s SUV. Earlier this morning Elena called me and asked if I would go with her to one of Rose’s friends to learn more about Klaus. I had originally going to tell her no, but then remembered Theo had been trying to get me to take him to some football game upstate and I needed a reason to say no. I may hate the supernatural, but not as much as I hate packed arenas filled with drunk older men. 

“Everything will be fine, Y/N. We’re just going to ask Slater some questions and we’ll be on our way back to Mystic Falls before dinner,” Elena sends me a reassuring smile from the front seat, “Besides, Slater can be trusted. Right, Rose?” She questions the pixie-haired vampire who sits silently in the driver’s seat. 

Rose nods along to Elena’s question, “I’ve known Slater for a long time he’s the only person I have fully trusted other than…” Her face falls into a solemn look and I presume she’s thinking about Trevor, her now headless friend. Elena sends her a sad look while I try to find interest in my hands. Dealing with other people’s emotions has never been my strong suit. 

“The bottom line is, we can trust him. If anyone is going to know anything about Klaus and ritual it’ll be him.” 

I sigh and lean back into my seat, staring out the window. I watch as we drive by countless people going throughout their days. Normal-average-looking people doing mundane things, walking strollers, going to work, and school. Now that I know about the supernatural though questions swarm my mind if the people I’m watching are actual people. I mean I’m going to guess that baby in the stroller wasn’t a vampire…well. 

“Do vampire babies exist,” I ask aloud. Elena turns to look over her shoulder at me and Rose just lets out a deep sigh as she flips the blinker on.

“Vampires can’t reproduce, so no,” She responds solemnly to which I shake my head, “No I mean like can babies be vampires?”

This question gains Rose’s attention as she turns over her shoulder and looks at me with an “Are you serious” look. Elena just looks from me to Rose, then back to me before shaking her head.

“No,” She pauses in thought, “At least I don’t think they can be. I mean technically maybe they could be but I don’t think an infant would be able to hunt for blood.”

Elena and I nod together as we come to the final conclusion that babies can in fact be vampires. 

“Baby vampires don’t exist,” Rose states annoyed.

“Why not,” Elena turns to Rose who looks like she’s close to turning this car around or driving it off a cliff. 

Rose is quiet for a moment as if she is actually going to give the question an answer before she shakes her head and sighs.

“They just can’t,” She turns the wheel into a parking spot in front of an industrial building, “We’re here.”

—

“Well, looks like he’s not home. Better come another day,” I’ll tell them as Rose’s knocks are met with no response. I twirl around on my heel and climb down a step but halt when Elena’s hand grabs the sleeve of my jacket. 

“Mmn, no. We didn’t come all the way out here for nothing,” She says as she motions at the door to Rose. Rose just rolls her eyes as she breaks open the latch on the door. Impressive. Rose motions for us to walk in and I begrudgingly follow behind Elena. 

Slater’s apartment is large with brick walls. My gaze catches odd-looking artifacts that line the bricked walls, along with artwork that appears to be mid-century. 

“I don’t think he’s going to be much help,” Rose’s voice comes from the living room. Elena is already walking towards her when she lets out a gasp making my spine lock up. I slowly peek my head past the door and choke down bile as I see the veiny corpse of who I’m assuming was Slater. 

“Shit.”

—-

I’m sitting on the couch of the dead guys' apartment as Rose and Elena look through Slater’s stuff. I wrap my sweater around my tighter as I watch them get stumped by the password-locked computers. I listen to Rose tell Elena we should just leave since we don’t have the password when a rustling comes from the room behind us. 

“Is the dead guy alive,” I whisper as I kneel on the couch and barely raise my eyes over the top of it to try to look at the door? Rose walks to the door and clutches my sweater tighter to me as she opens it up and stares out. 

“Alice,” Rose’s voice questioned.

“I thought the dead guy's name was Slater,” I whisper-yell to Elena as she just shakes her head. We both whip our heads to Rose as a dark-haired girl runs into her arms crying. So not Slater. I slightly cringe at her high-pitched cries and lower myself back onto the couch as Rose tries to soothe her. 

—

Ten minutes later Rose, Elena, and I are in Slater’s kitchen making Slater’s “widow” tea. I had felt a moment of sympathy for the black-haired woman about losing her boyfriend until Rose enlightened Elena and me on her real reason for being with Slater. She had wanted to become a vampire aswell. 

Rose and I watch from the kitchen as Elena tries to get the passcode out of Alice. It doesn’t seem to be going well until Elena promises Alice that she’ll get Rose to turn her if she helps us. Unsurprisingly that changes Alice’s dark mood and she skips over to the table of monitors. She puts in his password as Elena and Rose watch from over her shoulder. I haven’t changed from my seat in the kitchen though, just silently sipping the spare apple juice box I found in the fridge. 

My ears perk up as Alice tells us his password was Kristen Stewart and how predictable Slater was. I pull myself off my bar stool and walk into the living room sipping my juice.

“What about that one? “Cody Webber, THey exchanged dozens of e-mails about Elijah,” Rose asks Alice pointing out some emails.

“I could call him,” Alice tells her. 

Elena hands her her phone, “Tell him that we’re trying to send a message to Klaus. The doppelganger’s alive, and she is ready to surrender.”

Elena’s admission shocks me so much I drop my juice box onto the floor, “What the hell?” 

Elena doesn’t look at either Rose or me as she tells Alice to get the message to him and she walks out of the room. Rose and I just stare at each other for a moment in shock before we rush after Elena. 

“What are you doing,” Rose presses Elena.

“I’m getting Klaus’s attention.” Is all Elena says as if it’s not signing her own death certificate. Last night after I’d gotten home from picking Theo up Elena called me and filled me in on everything about this ritualistic sacrifice with this old guy Klaus. That’s the reason we had been taken. So why she wants to get this old guy’s attention now is beyond me. 

“Well, no shit Elena! We got that part. What we want to know is why would you want to,” I throw my hands up at her in exasperation. 

“If Klaus finds you he will kill you,” Rose looks at Elena as if she’s grown a second head and then comes to a realization, “which is what you wanted all along.”

Elena shakes her head, “It’s either me or my family.”

“So this whole charade was some suicide mission so you could sacrifice yourself and save everyone else.” Rose shakes her head at Elena’s actions as the sound of heals and the smell of Victoria’s Secret perfume enter the room.

“Cody is on his way,” I side-eye Alice, “And he really wants to meet you.”

—

Rose and I watch silently as Elena walks back into the living room, to wait for the Grimp Reaper named Cody. 

“Ok listen to me,” Rose calls my attention as she pulls out her phone from her jeans, “You’re going to use my phone to call Damon and get him here no matter what. Do you understand me? I’ll go distract the suicidal one.” Rose shoves the phone into my hand and speeds off into the living room. I open her phone to find Damon’s contact and hope he picks up.

“What,” Damon’s annoyed voice comes from the other end.

“Um, hi. This is Y/N.” 

Damon’s side goes quiet for a moment, “Who?”

I roll my eyes at his annoyed tone, “Y’know the girl that got kidnapped with Elena?”

“Elena gets kidnapped a lot you’re going to have to be more specific.”

I sigh deeply, “The one that smelled like vomit.”

“Ah, that one. What do you want Pukey, and why do you have Rose’s phone?” His tone has a sense of suspicion in it that makes me unnerved.

“Well long story short Elena made Rose and I take her to this dead guy's apartment,” I stop for a moment, “Well technically we didn’t know he was dead but..”

“Pukey spit it out I don’t have all day.”

“OK fine, sorry. Anyways, long story short Elena’s planned some suicide mission to give herself to Klaus and we need you to come to the dead guy's apartment to help us get her out of here.”

Damon lets out an annoyed growl from the other line, “Send me the address.”

“Ok, great I’ll send that-,” The dial tone cuts me off, “Ok then, rude.” I send Damon the address and pocket Rose’s phone hoping that he’ll get here in time. 

—-

I try to focus on the coolness of the new apple juice in my hand as I watch the door from my spot on the couch. Elena’s pacing can be heard from behind me which is almost as noticeable as the scowl on Rose’s face. Elena’s pacing stops, gaining my attention as I move my gaze from the door to her.

“I’m just going to get a drink,” She tells me as she walks towards the kitchen. Rose and I share a look of discomfort as she exits. Elena’s gasps catch our attention though and my stomach drops expecting the worst as I rush to the kitchen. My guard drops slightly though as the familiar blue-eyed vampire, who I’m 89% sure is in love Elena stands in front of her. 

“What are you doing here,” Damon questions Elena.

“What are you doing here,” Elena’s voice comes out breathy and she turns around to look at Rose and me. 

“You called him,” She exclaims earning a small shrug and pursed lips from me, and a frown from Rose. 

“We’re sorry, Elena,” Rose apologizes for us both.

“You said that you understood,” I go to chime in that I never said that but Damon speaks first. 

“She lied.” Elena turns and I can only guess glares at him, which seems to be something she does a lot when it comes to Damon. I groan deeply as I get another whiff of that fucking perfume.

“Damon Salvatore,” Alice exclaims as she enters the room acting like she and Damon are old friends.

Damon tells Rose to get rid of her without breaking eye contact with Elena. As Rose leaves the room with Alice and my nostrils are free from the assault I stand awkwardly behind Elena and Damon as they argue back and forth. Elena tells him that she’s not going anywhere and Damon tells her the exact opposite. I try to sneak backward to escape this awkward situation but my back hits a shelf behind me knocking a vase of it and I watch with a scrunched-up face as it shatters against the floor. 

“Whoops.”

Damon shoves Elena into a chair, “You sit down, and you,” Damon’s attention turns to me, “just don’t touch anything else.” I raise my hands in surrender as I keep my hold on my juice.

Everything’s going fine until the front door slams open causing me to spill some juice onto the top of my shirt in surprise. I can’t bother to clean it up though as I watch in fear as three bulky men enter the room. Where Rose, Damon, and Elena stand up to face them I slink further into my armchair with my comfort juice. I would help but I don’t think I can hold a candle to three vampires. 

“We’re here for the doppelganger,” the blond one in the middle says.

“Thank you for coming,” Elena attempts to step forward but is grabbed by Damon. He tells her something but I’m too far away to hear it.

Damon turns back to face the men, “There’s nothing here for you.” 

I jump in my seat when the man in the back falls to the ground. That turning feeling in my stomach from days ago returns as I see the man who is supposed to be very dead standing VERY much alive. Elijah. His brown hair is parted down the middle and a deep scowl is plastered on his face. Just like the other day, he’s dressed in a fancy button-up and slacks with shoes that probably cost more than my car. 

Elijah speeds forward to the other two men, and I find myself involuntarily inching forward in my seat. I freeze though once I realize this movement has captured Elijah’s attention and the dark look from before has lessened into something that makes something deep in my chest flutter around. What the fuck Y/N? I’m frozen in place as Elijah’s eyes move across my face and down to the apple juice I’m now constricting in my hands. I watch as for a moment the corners of Elijah’s lips perk up.

“I ki

“I killed you, you were dead” Damon accusingly says to Elijah. Elijah's gaze slowly slides from mine and towards Damon.

“For centuries now,” Elijah’s nonchalant voice has me swallowing down a snort as I cover my mouth. Elijah’s eyes slide to mine for a moment making me realize he must’ve heard.

The burly man from before is the next to speak, “Who are you?”

“I’m Elijah.”

This revelation has the two men instantly dropping their alpha male acts, “We were going to bring her to you…for Klaus. She’s the doppelganger. I don’t know how she exists, but she does. Klaus would want to see her.”

I fight the urge to roll my eyes at his words. It’s kind of obvious she’s the doppelganger buddy. Elijah doesn’t glance at the man once.

“Does anyone else know that you’re here,” As Elijah says this I get a sickening feeling in my gut just like before when I watched him decapitate a grown man. Elijah’s eyes pan to mine and then he glances at the window next to me. I look away from him and focus on the outside world beyond the glance since I feel what’s coming. 

“Well,” Elijah continues, “then you have been incredibly helpful.” Gasps are the next audible thing as I clench my eyes shut and listen to two bodies drop to the floor. 

—-- 

Elena’s hands are holding my hair back as I puke up my guts in the apartment parking lot. Damon who is already in the car is sighing so loudly I can hear him over my gags. Asshole. 

“Just let it out,” Elena brushes back my hair soothingly, “Everything’s ok now.”

I whip my head back to throw her a, “are you serious” look. To which she responds with a shrug. I lift off my hands and knees and wipe my lips. Elena guides me to Damon’s car as I slide into the back seat. Elena’s door isn’t even fully shut before Damon hightails us out of the parking lot. 

“I thought Elijah was dead! You guys told me he was dead! Why isn’t he not dead,” I exclaim from the backseat.

Damon’s fists tighten on the leather steering wheel, “Great question Pukey. It’s almost like no one else was wondering it.” His sarcastic remark and the unflattering nickname have me glaring at him.

“Damon enough,” Elena backs me up, “Y/N is right. Why is Elijah alive and why did he just leave us there alive?” 

We sit in silence for a moment pondering the truth of Elena’s question. 

“I’m not sure,” Damon glances at the side of Elena’s face, “But I’m going to find out.”

[diamond-champagne]

4. I Lost You

Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

Warnings: Slightly suggestive

A/N: Thank you so much for the support <3 This chapter is a bit choppy as it is a filler but I hope it provides clarity for the chapters to come! As always, feedback is always welcome! Enjoy. :)

The next few days fly by as far as Paige is concerned. She spends it going through the motions. Before she knows it, she’s making arrangements to go home for Thanksgiving. It’ll be the first time in years that Paige is only going home to Minneasota. She won’t be heading to Virginia to visit Azzi and her family. Riley would be going home with her this year. The thought makes her want to vomit.

The younger girl hasn’t asked her about her plans for break. In fact, they haven’t seen each other outside of practice. It’s a strange reality for Paige because she never thought she’d have to miss Azzi when they’re finally so close to each other. It’s funny how they felt more connected when they were hundreds of miles apart. Paige sighs deeply. 

A knock on the door interrupts Paige’s thoughts. She quickly checks her phone before opening up the door. Blair is waiting on the other side. The basketball player promised to drive her friend to the airport. 

“We’re going to be late. Let’s go!” Blair rushes Paige. She quickly gathers her keys and her phone before quickly walking to the car. Paige is very happy that Blair gets to see her boyfriend. They’ve made so much progress in their relationship despite the obstacles thrown at them from being long distance. However she’s sad; because Blair is leaving and Paige doesn’t know how she’ll get through the rest of the semester.

It’s a shared sentiment between the two. They had a conversation while eating dinner.

It’s around 8pm on Tuesday when Blair texts her.

You. Me. Noodles and Company?

Paige immediately agrees. Beyond the mention of the place that makes her favorite Mac and Cheese, her friend is leaving tomorrow. The blue-eyed girl isn’t sure how to cope with that. Paige is deep in thought when her phone vibrates again. It’s another message from Blair.

Let me in!

Paige figures that the girl had already been on her way when she initially texted her. This distance between her apartment and the restaurant is too far for her to get here as fast as she did. Nonetheless, she moves from her spot on the couch to let the brown-haired girl in. The smell of the food attacks Paige’s senses immediately.

“Hi, Paigey” Blair greets as she moves into the kitchen. 

“Hey, B” Paige responds. The two girls are quick to pull out their food and dig in. The silence between them is comfortable, at least for a moment.

“I’m gonna miss you, B” Paige confesses. She isn’t sure how she became so close with the girl in front of her in a matter of weeks. The blue-eyed girl would’ve never thought that she would be friends with the girl who bought her a tequila shot, but here she is. 

“Stop! We’ll say goodbye when you drive me to the airport tomorrow.” Blair demands. She also thinks about how she’ll miss Paige. 

“What am I supposed to do without you?” Paige whines. She really doesn’t know.

“You’re going to heal your heart.” Blair responds softly. “You’re going to move on because this is killing you. You have to do this for yourself.” Paige can only nod. “When I come back, I want to see a happier version of you. One that gets all of the love she deserves in this world.”

Paige gets up to hug the girl. She only hopes that she understands what she means when she replies “Thank you”. Blair hugs the basketball player a little tighter before pulling away.

“This is our last night together. We need tequila shots.” Blair laughs. She doesn’t want the entire night to feel heavy. Paige laughs but agrees and pulls out a bottle from her cabinet along with two shot glasses.

The rest of the evening is spent enjoying each other's company. Both girls were so glad that they had met the other.

When they finally reach the airport, silence settles between them. Paige gets out of the car to help Blair grab her bags from the trunk. They aren’t ready to say goodbye just yet. It’s simple.

“I’ll see you soon, Bueckers.” Blair smirks. Her tease lightens the mood. This is what she said when they first met.

“I can't wait!” Paige flirts back. 

They hug before Blair turns to walk in the airport. She’s almost through the door when she turns back to gain the basketball player's attention. 

“Paige!” she yells which prompts the blue-eyed girl to look at her. “Take care of yourself.” It’s not an easy task but she says it anyway. 

“I will. Promise” Paige confirms.

“You’re too full of life to be half loved.” and with that, Blair walks into the airport. She doesn’t give the girl a chance to respond. She doesn’t need to. Blair can only hope that the blonde girl listens to her.

-

For the next few days, Paige carries those words with her. 

“You are too full of life to be half loved.” echoes in her head at all hours of the day.

She carries them home to Minneasota for Thanksgiving. She looks for any type of love within the people around her. 

She sees it with Drew. It’s in the way he naturally gravitates to her. It’s in the way he looks at her like she can do no more.

Paige sees the same thing with her dad. His eyes hold a certain type of admiration. She can tell that he’s filled with a sense of pride when he looks at her. He’s proud of her. 

She hears it when talks to Blair’ and her other friends. They naturally include her and accept her. 

She feels it when the Fudds call and text her individually on the holiday. Katie, Tim, Jon, and Jose each make an effort to wish her a happy Thanksgiving despite her not being there with them. They don’t have a reason to think about her; but they do.

She understands it now. Why should she settle for only half of that? 

Paige decided over Thanksgiving break that she won’t.

-

Azzi spends the week of Thanksgiving with her family and Riley. The decision to bring her was last minute and slightly impulsive. Okay so maybe slightly more than slightly impulsive. The curly-haired girl had essentially thrown a wrench into everyone’s plans by bringing the volleyball player home with her. 

Everyone had planned for Azzi to walk through the door with Paige. 

Her grandparents had come with the hopes of being able to see the pair for a little while. Jon and Jose were disappointed that there wouldn’t be someone to play 2K with besides each other. Katie had felt completely unprepared for the unexpected guest. She didn’t know what food Riley liked but she made sure to stock up on the ingredients for mac and cheese for Paige. Tim simply just couldn’t get past the fact that his daughter knew anyone else besides Paige. He really couldn’t get past the fact that they had washed this hideous fluffy purple blanket, only for the owner to not occupy their home.

Azzi knows this because she feels it too. It begins the day after Thanksgiving.

Riley and Azzi are cuddling in the basketball player's bed. Riley has an arm swung over Azzi’s waist while her face is buried in her neck. Azzi rubs small circles on her back while scrolling through tik tok. She’s bored and antsy.

Azzi is restless. She spent one full week with her girlfriend Riley and she hated it. It’s not that Riley isn’t fun to be around; but she wasn’t Paige. She didn’t know her way around her parents’ house or have inside jokes with her brothers. She didn’t understand why certain tik toks were funny. She didn’t smell like vanilla or have blonde hair. And she certainly didn’t have big, bright, blue eyes..

Azzi missed Paige. The concept isn’t exactly new to her. Their entire friendship is built off of them missing each other. But even in the times that they’re apart, they’re together. There’s a never ending stream of phone calls and text messages. They have a widget app that allows the other’s picture to appear on their home screen. They wear each other’s clothes more often than not. Paige and Azzi are always intertwined in some sense. Paige and Azzi are more like PaigeandAzzi.

If she’s thinking about it, Azzi suppose that’s why it was so easy for her and Paige. It was so easy to kiss Paige. It was so easy to touch Paige. They had already known everything there was to know; secrets, crushes, dreams, and fears. This was simply just something to add to this list. Now she knows all that she did before plus some.

Now Azzi knows that when she kisses Paige right below her left ear, the blonde lets out whimpers that one can only dream about. She knows that when they’re making out, she should bite the older girl’s bottom lip. Azzi knows that Paige lets out the most pornographic when she kisses the birth mark on her inner thigh. She also knows that she has to give Paige praise because even though she’ll never admit it, she loves it when Azzi calls her a good girl.

So, Azzi knows it all. She even knows that Paige is in love with her. She can hear it in the way Paige speaks to her. Her voice held a certain softness that is reserved specifically for the younger girl. She can feel it in the way Paige looks at her; like Azzi can hang the moons and the stars. She can feel it in the way Paige touches her. The blonde is gentle but Azzi feels every emotion when they hug. It feels like home.

It felt like home.

She hasn’t heard that voice or looked into those eyes in a very long time. Azzi knows it is her fault. She took all she could from the girl without giving anything else back in return. She didn’t have anything to offer the girl; so she didn’t.

Now Azzi is home during Thanksgiving Break; holding a girl that isn’t Paige. And that’s why Azzi hated it; because she wanted those eyes with blonde hair. Everyday. She wanted every holiday with Paige and everyday in between. 

She can’t have that though. Azzi has taken so much from Paige; she doesn’t even know where she would start.

So, she pulls Riley closer. She isn’t Paige but she hasn’t lost her.

PREVIOUS | NEXT

[strnilolover]

.✦ ── Keep Me Afloat ── ✦.

♡ Concerned!Sweet!Bf!Matt x Sad!Gf!Reader x Concerned!Sweet!Bf!Chris

⚠︎ Warnings : mental/emotional burnout, crying, sad thoughts, bed rotting, brief mention of self negelct, comfort, pet names (Ma, baby, sweetheart, angel.), angst?

♡ Wc : 977

♡ A/N : Matt and Chris are dating reader! If I’m being honest, I’ve never written a thing for a three person couple so sorry if this is eh and let me know if yall fw it? I’ve been in such a sad mood that now it’s making me want to write sad stuff again. Also if any of this is touchy subject for you please read at your own risk! It’s not very detailed but just in case. Always remember to reach out to someone if you ever need help, I am here for any of you that need to talk. <3

To say you were drained was an understatement. Your mind feeling foggy everyday as if you were just existing without ever really thinking. It became more common for yourself to just lay in bed everyday before and after work, not really doing anything to care for yourself much in between.

Matt and Chris had no idea how bad you were getting. Always making excuses not to see them because you were “too busy” when that was never really the case. You were always bad at expressing your feelings, not letting anyone offer help because you were so used to suffering alone.

It felt like you were drowning, your own thoughts consumed your mind every second of the day. You were tired, sore, and mentally exhausted. Wanting to leave your job, the weight of responsibilities becoming too much to bear.

So here you were, laying in your bed with the covers up to your chin and your stuffed animal clutched tightly in your grasp. Your two weeks already out, in and over with, no longer working. You had yet to tell Matt and Chris, slightly ignoring their texts and ghosting them as you reveled in your own mind.

They became worried, constantly talking to one another about what to do and if they should go see you because it had been weeks.

So when they had finally showed up at your home, using their spare key to let themselves in, they found it in disarray. Clothes scattered in places they shouldn’t be, take out containers littered the floor. They frowned, looking at one another as they made their way to your room.

You could hear their hushed voices, footsteps growing louder as they approached your room. Of course they knocked first, entering in shortly after. It was dark, the blackout curtains drawn closed to drown out the light.

“Sweetheart?” Matt questioned, his body moving toward the bed as Chris trailed behind slightly. You didn’t move, your eyes staring blankly as his frame appeared in front of you.

His hand came out slowly to the cover, pulling it down slight to see your face. You looked pale, the dark bags under your eyes indicating you weren’t getting enough sleep. It broke their hearts.

Chris came up behind you, the bed dipping where he sat down, his hand coming out to rub your back. “Ma what’s wrong?” He asked, the worry laced into his words.

You just shook your head at them, “couldn’t take it anymore — s’too much.” You whispered as your face grew hot. Big tears streaming down your face quickly. “I-I feel so worn down. So d-drained — m’left my j-job.” You sobbed.

Their eyes widened at your words, your tears cascading down your cheeks. Matt laid down In front of you, pulling you to his chest as Chris laid behind you. “Shh — s’okay baby. Why didn’t you tell us?” Matt said as he ran his hand along your hair, the strands tangled slightly.

You shrugged, continuing to cry into his chest. Chris’ hand rubbed soothing circles on your back, trying to help calm you. “I-I just didn’t — didn’t w-want you guys to b-be concerned.” You whispered between sobs, the tears wetting Matt’s shirt. Your hands fisted in his shirt, holding him close to you as you just broke.

“We’re always going to be concerned about you baby, whether it be for small things or big things. We won’t ever stop worrying about you.” Chris stated, Matt nodding in agreement as he added on to Chris’ words. “You can always tell us if something is bothering you sweetheart — if you’re struggling, because we’ll always be here to help you.”

You nodded your head, knowing their words were true. “I was s-so unhappy there — it became too m-much on my mental health.. and emotional health.” You stated, sniffling as your tears began to stop. Feeling too tired to cry anymore. “Became hard to find time to do anything, hard to t-take care of myself.” You added.

Chris and Matt nodded at your words, holding you in their embraces tighter. It felt good to be held by them, after pushing them away for so many weeks, allowing yourself to somewhat relax after the constant fighting with your brain.

“We’re here now angel. let us take care of you, okay?” Matt whispered against your head as his lips pressed a kiss to your temple.

Chris nodded in agreement, “you don’t have to worry about a thing ma, just let us help you feel better. How about a nice long bubble bath?” He said, squeezing your hip reassuringly.

You nodded your head slowly, allowing them to take over for you, to help you just let go. You felt Chris move behind you, standing up to walk to your connected bathroom. Cupboard doors behind opened and closed as the water began to run, Matt holding you close still as his hands continued to rub soothing circles on you.

Chris walked back into the room, making his way back over to where you and Matt were. He pulled the covers back from you, scooping you up in his arms gently as he pressed a kiss to your head just like Matt did. He walked back to the bathroom, setting you down gently as Matt followed behind.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes and into the bath okay?” He said softly, tugging your shirt up and over your head. The rest of your clothes following suit as he guided you into the tub, Matt helping where he could.

They sat there near you as you seemed to relax into the warm water, eyes closing momentarily. You somehow knew you were going to be okay, even if it was going to be hard to fix how you were feeling. But, you had two of the most amazing people to help you every step of the way.

© Strnilolover

♡ Another A/N : Wrote this while half asleep so if it seems repetitive and such I’m sorry </3

[anzulvr]

Hiii! Could i please request a karma x reader where reader is a crybaby and really sensitive but also super sweet to everybody no matter how mean they are?

Karma x sensitive reader // <3 // fluff, hcs.

In which Karma catches feelings for a crybaby.

— ୨୧ first meeting.

Karma and you get along well from the start, unlike most people in the main campus you don’t talk badly about E-class and you don’t make any judgements towards people without getting to know them- that’s especially important to note because Karmas never had the best reputation. Even so, you didn’t judge him based off rumors and comments made about him behind his back, earning you his respect!

— catching feelings.

Karma is the last person to be interested in dating, so whenever he starts getting all nervous and flustered around you he thinks he’s nauseous. He only realizes hes into you when he sees he’s sort of defensive over you, definitely brought to his attention by Rio(meddler) or Nagisa (He just wants to help).

✦ any time you’re upset he’s the first to ask who did something, super ready to fight anyone.

✦ He realizes he’s never wanted anyone to stick around as much as you.

—ʚ[End Class]ɞ

(If you were to drop to end class for whatever reason)

// first time meeting Korosensei you’re a sobbing mess.

Even then you’re trying to be nice telling him he’s not that scary (in reality you’re terrified because why is he like 10 feet tall..)

Korosensei frantically tries to get you to stop crying. “I promise I would never lay my tentacles on a student- I wouldn’t hurt you!! You can ask anyone in here I-”

Karma is laughing his ass off to the point he’s gripping his sides cause they hurt.

You get to sit next to him. Lucky (???) you.

The rest of the class is quick to warm up to you, if you’re not already friends that is.

— When you’re officially together.

Hes the biggest tease in existence, he can’t go 20 minutes without poking fun at you.

Has so many pictures and videos of you happy crying. (He will not let you live down.)

Also has a folder of pictures you send him whenever you’re crying over small / dumb things you find funny when you realize what you’re crying over.

(cause literally me too?? I’ll cry and laugh mid way when I realize how stupid it is 😭)

[Name]: we’re out of cookies.

[Attached image of you crying]

lmfao I’ll buy you some calm down💀 :[Karma]

[Name]: NVMM.. false alarm we have another box 😆!!

don’t care I’m at your doorstep with 5 boxes open up :[Karma]

[Name]: Wow you’re fast it’s only been like 3 minutes..

— <3 —

He brings up moments like that anytime he has the chance to embarrass you.

“Remember the time you cried cause you found out chickens live only like seven years.”

“Shut up it was really sad.”

“[Name] we had fried chicken like 20 minutes later and you devoured that shit.”

“That was so good, we should go again.”

ON ANOTHER NOTE.

No one is allowed to make you feel bad though, Terasaka is extra careful not to say anything to make you cry on days where he doesn’t want to end up on the ground.

You’re his go-to for advice. Especially if he’s ever arguing with anyone like his parents or his friends because you know more about emotions than he does.

Cannot handle seeing you upset because of something he does, the second your eyes even get the littlest misty he’s apologizing with food and flowers.

You hold a special place in his heart because often times you’re the only person he’s comfortable opening up to.

A/N: im behind on like 30 requests IM SORRY 😪😪😪

Also I didn’t really check for spelling errors for this one so tell me if you catch any pls!!!

[j0hnj4ej3n]

nct dream when you don't say 'i love you' back

word count: 1.2k

warnings: nothing really but let me know if i missed them~

notes: this one took so long to get done but here it is :) hope you guys like it, i’ll be working on some of the requests i already have next so stay tuned for that! in the meantime, take care everyone~

𔘓 Mark:

He tells you he loves you everyday before he leaves the house. And he was greeted with a simple and cheery, “okay bye~” today, instead of the usual, “i love you too”. And Mark’s mind begins to wander, he walks back to peek his head into your shared bedroom. “Babe, i love you,” he says meekly, with his big, round eyes staring at you. You nodded as you offered him the sweetest smile you can pull off and replied, “i know, get to work safely baby”. And Mark frowns, properly entering the room now. “Why aren’t you saying it back?” “What do you mean?” “I said i love you… are we good? Did i do something wrong?” And you don’t have the heart to continue doing this to him. Mark genuinely looks so worried and sad. “I’m so sorry, yes, we’re good. I love you, it was just a prank,” you tell him as you engulf him in a hug. “Dude, pranks are supposed to be funny… you scared me, i thought for sure something was up”, and you can’t help but laugh because Mark was being so cute right now. You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek for good measure and you two exchanged another quick ‘i love you’ before Mark leaves for work.

𔘓 Renjun:

"Goodnight, i love you," Renjun tells you as he gives you a peck on the forehead. And you've never heard silence quite this loud. It's so clear he's waiting for a response because this is basically your nightly routine, he gives you a forehead kiss and says 'i love you' and ever since the two of you started dating 3 years ago, you've always said it back. The tension in the air is thick but you stay silent all while trying to hold back laughter. "Do you not love me anymore?" Renjun finally breaks the silence with annoyance laced in his voice. And you let out a chuckle, "You're doing that silly tiktok prank aren't you? It's so old... please". You finally relax in his arms as you let out the laugh you've been holding back. "How'd you know that? You're no fun...." "So are you really not going to say it back? I'm actually about to start getting a little upset," "Aaah, alright alright. I love you too honey, goodnight".

𔘓 Jeno:

Jeno's staring at you cautiously from the doorway, trying his best to gauge your reaction. He can't tell if you're trying to be funny or you're actually actively ignoring him. "Baby?" "Huh?" "I'm going now..." "Okay, see you. Have fun". A pout finds its way to his face, but he tries again. "Thanks. I'm gonna go, I love you," Jeno says as he looks at you as you scroll on your phone on the couch. And he sees you, slightly smiling to yourself and he catches on. Jeno struts over to you and puts both his arms on either side of you, caging you between him and the couch. "Are you not saying it back on purpose?" You look up at him, cautiously now because he's so close to you. "Hm?" "I love you" "I-i love you too" His signature eye smile finds its way to his face as he mumbles a "That's what i thought," before he kisses you and greets you goodbye one last time before properly leaving the house.

𔘓 Haechan:

You're on facetime with Haechan and have been for the past hour when you finally decide to go to bed. "I think I'm going to go to sleep now babe," Haechan hums as he too gets under his covers. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, sleep well baby." "Rest well baby, goodnight~" You say as you quickly hang up on him, preparing to go to sleep. Just then, your phone vibrates harshly, a facetime call from Haechan flashes on your screen. You frown as you accept the call and before you even ask what's wrong Haechan exasperatedly exclaims, "DO WANT ME TO HAVE A BAD DAY?" Unlike when you hung up mere seconds ago, Haechan is no longer lying down but sitting up with his face close to the camera. "What?!" "Why didn't you say 'i love you' back?!" Your frown slowly morphs into a smile as you chuckle. You were so sleepy you guess you forgot. "I'm so sorry baby, I love you, I love you, I love you! Forgive me?" Haechan sighs dramatically. "I guess that's what happens when you're together for too long... the love is fizzling out" "Our love isn't fizzling out," "Whatever you say..." "I LOVE YOU" "OK ME TOO~ sleep well baby" "goodnight baby"

𔘓 Jaemin:

He is parked outside your faculty building, dropping you off for your class when you decide to pull this prank on him. "I'll come pick you up later too. Have the best day baby, i love you," "Yup, see you later!" You said as you hurried to get out of the car. You go to pull the handle just as Jaemin locks it. "Say it back..." "What?" "I know exactly what you're doing, hurry or i'll drive off!" "Jaem I'm going to be late!" "I LOVE YOU" Jaemin whines loudly as he expresses his (fake) frustration with his whole body. And you've never told him you love him back as quickly as you just did. "Oh my god, you're crazy," you mumble as you gather your things when he finally unlocks the door. "Only for you baby," Jaemin replies with a wink. You shake your head as you lean in to give him a quick peck on the cheek before finally getting out of the car.

𔘓 Chenle:

Chenle feels absolutely betrayed, he isn’t one to be too romantic so when you don't reply to his ‘i love you’, he is already sending a glare your way. “What’s up with you?” “What do you mean?” Chenle only squints at you, “I said I love you” and just to tease him further, you simply respond with an “oh, okay”. But Chenle catches the faint smirk that appears on your face. He lets out a scoff, “Fine, be like that. I will NEVER tell you ‘i love you’ ever again. OVER MY DEAD BODY I-” And before he goes on you cut the prank short and rushes to tackle him in a hug, laughing while apologising. “It was just a prank… of course i love you too” “No, forget it. It’s too late!” Chenle exclaims dramatically as he wiggles out of your hold. But he can’t hide the smile on his face as you continue to trail behind him, promising him you’ll never not say ‘i love you’ back ever again.

𔘓 Jisung:

Jisung is immediately panicking, running through the whole day leading up to this moment, wondering if he said or did something wrong because why did you not say ‘i love you’ back? He stays silent for a while, gathering up enough courage to ask you what's wrong. “Baby? Did I do something to upset you?” “...No, why?” “Then… why didn’t you tell me you love me back?” Jisung’s looking at you like he’s mentally preparing himself for the worst news ever and you already feel so guilty. “I’m sorry… I just wanted to prank you…” Jisung’s expression changes immediately to one of relief, with his hand against his chest as he lets out the breath he was holding. “Don’t do that again… I thought you hated me.” “What? I would never hate you, silly…” “You have to compensate for causing emotional turmoil now,” “What? How?” “Well, i accept compensation in forms of cuddles and kisses :)”

[thafunkyrca]

The Stressed Feeder and Overfed Himbo:

Back in my first retail job, things were pretty chill and not as serious at this job so we always had a lot of free time to do fun bonding activities inside and outside of work. A few other coworkers and myself were invited to come over for a movie night! insisted that all snacks, foods and drinks would be handled through her as she just loved being host for events like this. I love hanging out with friends and coworkers, even if it’s just for a movie I just like to be around people and have a good time. Day of the party, I was running pretty late per usual and expecting to get there to a bunch of people couch watching movies or playing games. To my surprise, I pull up to her house and everything just looks dark and empty. No cars parked, no porch light on, just nothing. I walk up to the door thinking there’ll be a few people around. My coworker/the host opens the door and greets me very excitedly! To my surprise, there is no one here. And behind her being excited, I can tell she’s stressed and a little sad. But I was happy to be there and cheer her up. Walk in the kitchen to a table of brownies, soft pretzels and pizza! And of course I was ready to dig in. Couple hours go by, we’re playing switch games. I can tell her mood is shifting so I ask “is everything okay?” She responds that I’ve hardly touched any of the food she made. And I can tell she worked hard getting all the food out together, so I went for some more hoping to cheer her up. Each time I got up for a plate, nothing but warm smiles from her. By the time I was heading for third plate, my belly was already full. And I didn’t think I could eat another bite. “Do you even like the brownies? Please eat a little bit more, I made em from scratch.” And how could I resist, they were so warm, rich and delicious, I also just couldn’t bare to break her heart. So I added 3 brownie slices on my plate and dug in. Then after a round of Mario Kart, she got up and made me another plate with a few soft pretzels on it. “I just hate that no one got to try my food but I’m so glad you’re enjoying it all.” I look at her with a whimpering smile as I feel like I’m going to burst. At this point , I’m not even tasting the food. I’m just chewing and swallowing, that’s the easiest way it can all get down. By the time she handed me another plate of soft pretzels, I began to feel my stomach churn. I had to come forward with her. The food was so fucking delicious but I could have another bite, it’s time to let her know and go home. “Hey Eliza, I’m getting a bit fu….” I’m silenced by a slice of brownie that had gotten shoved into my mouth. Looking into her eyes, she didn’t give a shit what I was feeling. After one more big slice shoved in my mouth, she finally spoke. “I worked too damn hard all day making all this fucking food from scratch. So everyone can have a good and fun time. Just for those backstabbers to not even come and fuck me over. But you…you were so kind enough to stay and spend time with me, and clearly you enjoy my cooking. So I’m gonna make sure you finish every last crumb of my cooking. There will be no leftovers, and I’ll brag to those assholes about all the fun that they missed.” At this point, I’m a little scared…but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t turned on in the slightest. And again, her cooking was quite phenomenal. She sat me down at the counter and kept bringing me plate after plate. I begin to feel a bit drowsy and woozy. Chocolate crumbs, pizza sauce and pretzel salt all dripping down my lips. We looked at the clock and it was midnight. “You’re gonna have to start heading home now!” She grabs both my hands and I began to waddle to the door, belly dangling and all. But she didn’t care. As we got to the door she gave me a kiss on the forehead. Instantly melted all over, especially in my trousers. “Thank you for coming over, we’ll have our own movie night again soon!” She smirked, took a look at my overstuffed belly and tickled it with both her hands. Wish I could say I giggled but it didn’t do anything but let out a big burp. She chuckled and closed the door on me.

[aylacavebear]

Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 25

When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?

Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 7655

Warnings: Dean's "memories" from the night at the bar when he saw her again after leaving after graduation.

A/N: Well, here it is everyone, what Dean was going through over the course of the story. I hope it was worth the wait. Things will pick back up on 10/24 with Chapter 25 and you'll still get next Friday's up on the 25th with Chapter 26. <3

A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 25

Dean’s heart skipped a beat, his body tensing, but Crowley seemed delighted. “Ah, wonderful. Show them in.” A few moments later, familiar faces flooded the dining hall—Sam, Ellen, Jodi, Bobby, Mary, and John. Dean stood, his eyes immediately scanning Y/N as Ellen moved quickly to her, pulling her into a tight embrace, both women in tears. Ellen’s voice trembled with a mix of sadness and relief as she reassured her niece.

Dean’s chest tightened as he watched the reunion, knowing just how much this moment meant to Y/N. She had needed this for months—the comfort and reassurance that only being around family could bring. Dean knew he hadn’t been enough to fill that void for her while the two of them had been in the bunker, but he had done what he could for her. 

Dean exchanged hugs with Sam. While Sam exchanged hugs with Benny, Dean embraced his parents, having missed them far more than he cared to admit. Even Jodi and Bobby shared hugs with the boys before turning their attention to Y/N, wrapping her in soft, relieved embraces.John’s voice broke the moment, softer than Dean had ever heard. “We’re here for ya, kid.”

Crowley, ever the perfect host, gestured to the empty seats. “Please, join us. There’s plenty of food, and we’ve much to discuss.”

As everyone settled back around the table, the atmosphere shifted. Dean felt it—the sense of a team coming together, united by a common enemy. It reminded him that even though Crowley was a lawyer, he was still just a man, a man who had to carefully tread that fine line of the law. He really was on their side, and he realized that with how his family interacted with the lawyer. They had gotten to Cali a day before Dean, Benny, and Y/N because they had flown out. So, they had already gotten to get to know him.

Just as Dean was about to relax further, feeling Y/N begin to relax as well, he felt her mark burn, that painful sizzle like it was his own skin on fire. He was already out of his seat and at her other side before the pained sound slipped past her lips.

Crowley snapped his fingers a couple of times, watching the scene unfold. He had already prepared for this, and the servant immediately left the room to retrieve the cream. Dean moved her dress a little, exposing her mark just as the servant returned, holding a tube of cream out for him. “It’s okay. I’m right here,” Dean murmured, applying the cream to her mark, his voice low and steady.

The room fell silent, all eyes on them as he tried to soothe her. He knew they all could see what he’d seen a couple of days ago, the last letter fully formed. Dean hadn’t had a chance to speak with any of them since they had gotten to the safe house. It had been one thing for him to state it in court during his testimony, but it was another for them to see that he had been telling the truth when he’d said it.

“Well, now, this changes things,” Crowley mused, leaning back in his chair with an air of amusement. “Why wasn’t I informed about that?” 

Dean shot a glare at Crowley, anger bubbling beneath the surface. He hadn’t had a chance, thanks to the FBI, but he couldn’t precisely say that at the moment. Y/N, clearly confused and in pain, looked at Crowley, her brows furrowing in frustration. “About what?” she managed, her voice laced with annoyance before Dean could open his mouth.

“With that,” Crowley began, gesturing toward her mark, “we’ve got a little more leverage.”

Dean’s heart sank. He knew what Crowley was implying, and he hated the fact that he still hadn’t told her everything. The guilt that he thought had been almost gone, hit him like a punch to the chest. He hadn’t even told her that the last letter had come in on her mark. He felt her frustration flare at the situation, at being left out.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, quite frustrated now.

Crowley chuckled lightly, a sound that grated on Dean’s nerves. “Dean, you haven’t told her yet?”Dean’s jaw clenched, heat rising in his chest as he shot another glare at Crowley. He was about to retaliate when Y/N spoke up, her voice sharp and demanding.  “Tell me what?” Her hands clenched tightly in her lap, mirroring the tension that filled the room.

“I was waiting,” Dean finally managed through gritted teeth, trying to suppress his irritation at the lawyer.

Y/N’s anger boiled over, and Dean could feel her frustration wrapping around him like a suffocating blanket. “Will someone tell me what the hell you’re talking about? I’m tired of this, of all of you keeping secrets from me,” she snapped, looking around the table, searching for answers that no one could give her yet.

When silence followed her question, she stood up abruptly, anger radiating from her as she slammed the dining hall doors behind her.

Crowley sighed, the moment she left the room. He nodded to one of his servants—a young woman with kind eyes. She rushed after Y/N while Dean just watched, feeling guilty, angry, and upset. He wanted so desperately to run after her, tell her everything, but he couldn’t.

Dean, still fuming, stood up, “We agreed to tell her when her mark came in more.”

Crowley shrugged nonchalantly, although he wasn’t pleased about his secrecy, “It slipped my mind. Besides, she has a right to know.”

Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. “This isn’t helping. How did she not notice one of the letters came in all the way?”

Dean sighed and sat back down, “She never looked in the mirror at it, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her to.”

“Son, she’s gonna be more hurt if you wait much longer,” John told him sincerely.

“Does she have at least an idea of how you’re connected to all this?” Crowley asked, although clearly frustrated, but needing further information.

“Not completely,” Dean reluctantly answered.

“Benny, did she even pay attention when Dean testified?” Sam asked, fairly puzzled how she wouldn’t have found out.

Benny sighed, “No. I was talkin’ to her. Tryin’ to help er’ relax a little.”

Crowley was usually a calm, collected man, but this frustrated him: "What does she know?”

Dean grabbed his beer, taking a sip before he answered, staring at the label, “I told her I know she’s my soul mate, part of the thing with Lisa, and that she’s an empath.”

“That’s it?” Bobby exclaimed in annoyance and frustration.

“That explains why she knows we’re hiding something,” Mary sighed, looking back at the closed dining hall doors.

“I didn’t want to make it harder on her,” Dean mumbled quietly.

“Dean, she has to be told, before her birthday, or it’s gonna hurt her more, and not just emotionally,” Sam told him, his tone soft but firm. “I know what I told you before, but she’s quickly running out of time.”

Dean’s attention went to the doors, his mind on only her and what she was feeling. He’d hated not telling, not letting himself get closer to her than she’d let him. He’d felt everything from the moment he’d seen her that first day at the bar, and it was tearing him up inside that she still doubted him. Sam had warned him of the risks of waiting too long, but he just hadn’t been able to find the right time and he didn’t want to do it once they had gotten stuck in that bunker. “Dean, are you even listened?” Crowley asked him, frustrated and now leaning forward in his seat, pulling Dean from his thoughts.

“Yeah, I mean, no. I wasn’t listening,” he grumbled.

An annoyed sound left Crowley’s lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Her birthday is in two days. Either you tell her tomorrow, or I’ll have to make sure the doctor is here.” His tone was of concern for her more than for Dean.

Dean looked down at his beer, “She’s gonna hate me, but… I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

“Son, she’s gonna be mad at all of us, but she’s not going to hate us, especially not you,” John tried to reassure him, feeling bad for what not only his son had to go through, but also what she had had to endure.

Dean tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling for a moment, then back to the label on his beer bottle. He could feel her emotions tormenting her, and her thoughts were a jumbled mess. Then, his gut knotted up, and he felt sick. “She saw her mark,” he groaned out, trying to keep the contents of his stomach from coming up. “She’s trying not to let herself believe that it’s my name trying to come in.”

Sam let out a long sigh. This had been his concern all along—that the unspoken truths would catch up to them—that her doubt could possibly cause Dean to go through a sort of rejection sickness. “Want me to go talk to her?” he offered, wondering if perhaps he could help.

“No. I need to be the one to tell her, but it would have been so much simpler if she had just heard what I said in court,” Dean muttered, his voice still tinged with the discomfort of his knotted stomach.

The silence stretched until Ellen’s voice broke it, “What is it she doesn’t know?”

With that, Dean looked up, meeting her gaze. There wasn’t much she didn’t know at this point. “She doesn’t know that it has to be her to let me in, to trust that I’m her soulmate, or she could end up in the hospital on her birthday when her mark does finally come in all on its own,” he answered as a frown found his lips at the thought of her in an induced coma due to the pain of the connection that would repair itself without her acceptance, thanks to the Vaughts.

“She also doesn’t know that she’s having premonitions or that if her mark comes in before she is supposed to marry Cole, it’ll nullify the contract,” Dean added quietly, as those were the two things that were supposed to wait until her mark had come in at least a little more—the things they were supposed to tell her together. “Or that if she has to go through with marrying Cole, it’ll be his name to show up on her instead of mine.”

It had been why he never pushed anything, never did anything more than she initiated, like cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. Or even holding her at night when she had nightmares so they would go away. Why, no matter how badly he wanted to, he had only kissed her the one time. She had to let herself believe, to hope, to love. For three months, he had waited. Waited for her to let him in. He had never crossed that invisible line she had drawn between them.

The others stayed for a little while, catching up with Dean and Benny while talking about the case together. Dean tried to enjoy seeing them again, but all he could think about was her, up in a room trying to figure it out on her own. His guilt was back in full force, like it was when he saw her that first night in the bar, eating at him from the inside. Benny tried to be there for him, but there was nothing his friend could say that would bring him any relief. Finding himself in one of Crowley’s sitting rooms, Dean sipped a whiskey when that familiar wave of emotion washed over him—loneliness. Her loneliness. Typically, back at the bunker, he’d go to her, hold her while she processed everything. Then, he would have done something silly to pull her out of her head. Right now, though, he couldn’t get out of his own head to give her the comfort he knew she deserved.

He’d allowed himself to relax in the last three months, even letting his guard down. But now, it was like reality was right back in his face. Right now, his thoughts were about how things were supposed to have gone after he got back. Dean took another sip of his whiskey, enjoying how the light burn reminded him of simpler times for now.

They were supposed to work together at the garage, get to know each other, and become friends. Then, all the adults were supposed to sit down with her, all the ones she trusted, along with John and Mary. They were going to tell her about things, their suspicions of the car accident being deliberate, the risk of telling her too much too soon and overwhelming her. Hell, even Sam had planned on flying back for that.Dean sighed and looked up at the ceiling as if somehow he could see her through the structure in her room. How did things get so complicated? He leaned forward a little, taking another sip. The stillness in the room kept his thoughts on how it should have gone while the weight of his guilt constricted against his chest.

He knew her now; she would have been eager to know everything, and he would have been there for her when it all hit her. And he knew it would have hit her hard, but she was a fighter, she was strong. She would have gone through anything to learn the truth, even back then. But now, they were in this mess, all because he couldn’t find the words to tell her what he needed to.

Her thoughts whispered through his mind, in pieces again. She’d kept her walls up, kept him at arm’s length, but her heart knew the truth, as did her soul. Dean had been grateful for at least that much. She was piecing things together like she did when it came to working on a car. The memory of watching her work pulled a small, almost unnoticeable smile to his lips.

Again, his gaze went to the ceiling, briefly, though, and with a sigh, he sank back into the couch. She’s questioning me, my actions, or lack thereof. “If only I could tell you, Sweetheart,” he whispered out to the empty room.

When he felt her finally fall asleep, without the threat of the nightmare, he went to his own room. He didn’t want to be around Crowley, and Benny knew he needed space. At least she was resting, and that gave him a slight reprieve from her whirlwind of emotions, like one of the weights had lifted off him. Now, it was just his own guilt.

Hours felt like days as they dragged on. He knew it was due to what he had to do, had to tell her. No matter how he worded it in his head or spoke it out loud, it just seemed so unfair. Hope had broken her so many times, and he had to ask her to trust him, trust that he was her soulmate, and let him in. She had to hope and believe. How could he ask her to believe in something that had caused her so much pain before? To let him in when hope had broken her so many times already?

After sunset, a servant knocked on Dean’s door, and then led him to a room that he hadn’t even noticed when they had come into the mansion of a house. It was a study, but it was also like a security room all wrapped into one. Bookshelves were along the walls, filled with books. There was a sitting couch, one of those fancy sort of ones off to the right of what looked like a very expensive desk. On the other side was a long desk with several monitors. It reminded Dean of the security room in Y/N’s bunker, but Dean didn’t smile, he looked back at Crowley, also ignoring everyone else in the room. Something was wrong, he could feel it.“What?” Dean snapped, harsher than he meant, arms crossed over his chest as he sized up the room and activity.

“We have a situation. It’s safer in here,” a man with a British accent responded to him, his focus on one of the monitors.

Dean’s heart pounded, his pulse quickened as he turned toward the door. Two men blocked his path, and he glared at them. “Move,” he growled, his hands at his sides, clenching into fists. He had to get to her, protect her like he promised he would.

“My men are handling it. They’re retrieving her,” Crowley frowned as he watched Dean.

“It’s not your job to protect her, it’s mine,” Dean shot back, stepping toward Crowley’s desk, the need to protect her was overwhelming.

Three of Crowley’s security team shifted, moving to block Dean’s path, but Crowley just raised a hand, locking eyes with Dean. “And who is going to protect you, hmm? You think she’s their only target. If they get you too, they’ll have all the leverage they need, and you’ll lose her, forever.” Crowley calmly told him, almost patronizing.

Dean froze, the memory of her nightmare flashing through his mind. His body remained tense, even though part of him knew Crowley was right. He wasn’t about to admit that, though. Silence filled the room, broken only by the occasional click from the men monitoring the security feeds. Then, a faint, eerie howling echoed in the distance before the quiet crept back in. Dean’s nerves were raw. He knew he had to get to her.

“Good, the hellhounds have found their target,” Crowley said, his voice dripping with satisfaction as Dean’s jaw clenched.

He hadn’t moved from where he had stopped, halfway between the door and Crowley’s desk. Then they hit him out of the blue—Y/N’s emotions—panic and fear, then concern for him. The force of them all staggered him, his body swaying a little as he took a breath, trying to stay upright. She was having another premonition. Damn it! He needed to get to her, but the how wasn’t coming to him with the suffocating cloud of her emotions mixed with his thoughts.A tug. Barely there, almost like a thread pulling at his chest. Even though it was so gentle, barely even there, it took his breath away. It was her, reaching out to him, but the walls she’d built around her heart were in the way. Her emotions poured into him like the waves of a tsunami. They nearly consumed him as she attempted to connect the bond between them without having chosen him. He felt like he was being pulled beneath the waves, down deep underwater, making it hard to breathe.

He fought to ground himself, though it felt nearly impossible without her there beside him. Her emotions and his concern for her safety muddied his focus. The sense of time seemed to disappear as any sounds were drowned out. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, sifting through everything that wasn’t his own, trying desperately to gain his bearings. 

Benny, leaning silently against one of the bookshelves, looked over a Dean. He saw the struggle his friend was currently wrestling with, even if he didn’t fully grasp the depth of it. Slowly, Dean’s gaze met his as the whirlwind calmed slightly, and Benny gave him a quick nod, a silent conversation letting his friend know that he’d help. A tiny, tight-lipped smirk formed at Benny’s gesture. He knew he could always count on him.

It happened in an instant, the two of them working together without having to speak a word. Benny moved first, distracting one of the guards, while Dean shoved the other aside, slipping through the door before anyone could react. Thank you, Benny. Words he didn’t have time to speak at the moment as he took in the silence of the dark mansion.

Dean took a slow, deep breath, centering himself amidst the storm of emotions that weren’t just his. She was looking for him, and he could feel her fear mixing with his own. He knew he needed to find her before someone else did. His steps were silent as he made his way toward the dining hall doors, glancing only briefly toward the window above the landing. She’s not in her room.

He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on her again. Her fear and worry were stronger now, tugging at him like it used to back at the bunker.

Kitchen.

Quickly but silently, he made his way through the dark dining hall, glancing out the windows as he passed them. His eyes were adjusting to the darkness, making it far easier to see the tiny outlines of furniture and the doors on the far side of the table. Just as he opened one of them, he saw her, and the light outside the far kitchen window.

There was no easy way of getting her attention, and the last thing he needed was for her to scream and alert the intruders to their location. In one swift motion, he covered her mouth with one hand while wrapping the other around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest.“Shhh, it’s me, Sweetheart,” he whispered softly as relief washed over him. She’s safe. As he lowered his hand from her mouth, she whipped around in his arms, wrapping hers tightly over his shoulders. “I was so worried something had happened to you,” she breathed out in a quiet whisper.

For a moment, he just held her, trying to calm them both down as he kept watch at the light of a flashlight outside the kitchen window. It moved with whoever was holding it. “It’s okay. Come on, it’s not safe here.”

He didn’t let go of her as he led her back through the mansion, his focus sharp. When they entered Crowley’s office, Dean closed the door with his foot so he didn’t have to let go of her. Dean focused on her, letting her presence ground him while he attempted to calm her. She’s safe. Those words repeated in Dean’s mind. Dean mostly just glared at Crowley, a warning for the man to keep his mouth shut about things he wasn’t ready to talk about. He should have known that it wouldn’t have worked, though, and he knew it.

“You knew they’d come after me?” she asked Crowley, quite confused, pulling Dean from his thoughts.“Love, he’s not just after you. He needs leverage, to make you comply. Figured you would have realized that already,” Crowley answered smoothly while shooting Dean a knowing look. “That whole family knows they only have so much time before you’re useless to them.”

Dean knew what was coming, even before she pulled away from him and looked up at him. Her eyes swam with confusion as his guilt gripped his chest. “What haven’t you told me?” She was blunt, almost confident, but Dean knew better. He felt her fear of what the answer could be. 

The pain of what the truth could do to her hit him first, and all he could do was look down at the floor. She needs to know. As if that thought was a switch, he hid his pain, then answered her. “If Cole marries you before your mark comes in, it won’t matter who your soulmate is, your mark will change to his name, because you’re an empath.” The words slipped out quietly, a confession he hadn’t wanted to tell her. As silence settled on the room, he wanted to take it back, wished he could, as he felt the weight of his confession sink in. A new piece to the puzzle she’d been slowly trying to put together. He knew she thought it was the last piece, but it wasn’t. He knew there was another question lingering in her mind, and he prayed she wouldn’t ask it, not now. 

“How do I make my mark come in all the way?” she’d spoken it, even though her voice trembled slightly. She’d pushed past all her fears and asked the one question he hadn’t found a way to answer. 

Believe I’m your soulmate. Hope that I’m telling you the truth. Trust that I really can feel you, that the name on my shoulder really is you and not some other Y/N.

God, even now, it sounded horrible in his head. His eyes were on the floor, but he wasn’t really looking at it. He reworded it so many times, and was doing that again as the moments stretched in the silence of the room. Dean couldn’t even hide the pain that accompanied his guilt the answer to her question brought to his soul. If only things had been different. It’s not fair. He’d been trying to find a way to tell her for the last three months, but still, nothing sounded right.

“Bloody hell,” Crowley stated impatiently, annoyed at Dean’s hesitation, again. “If you don’t tell her, I will.”

Dean shot him a glare before he finally looked down at Y/N. Her eyes were so full of hope for an answer, while also just as terrified at what he might say. Somehow, though, he managed to take a deeper breath, even if it was shaky. She deserves the truth.

He hadn’t even been able to open his mouth before that damned Brit said the hellhounds had done their job. At the same time, though, Dean was thankful he didn’t have to give her an answer. 

Crowley took an annoyed breath, “Thank you, Ketch. You may all return to your rooms. The situation has been handled.”Y/N went to the door, slipping through it first. Dean let out a quiet sigh, feeling how heavy her emotions were weighing on her heart. The few servants who worked the night shift followed her, along with several guards, to return to their posts. Dean was about to follow them when Crowley spoke up.“Dean, your luck is going to run out eventually, and it’s only going to hurt her in the long run.” Crowley all but growled at him. His frustration and aggravation at Dean’s incompetence flared in his eyes. “You, Dean. You could have literally prevented all of this had you been competent in your task. One job. That was all you had, and you couldn’t even do that properly.”

“Crowley, it’s not that simple,”  Benny began, pushing off the bookshelf he had been leaning against, in an attempt to defend his friend, but Crowley shot him a glare, quickly silencing him.

“Had Dean told her the truth instead of playing house, we wouldn’t be in this situation!” Crowley snapped as he stood, still glaring at Dean.Dean flinched, but his anger bubbled beneath the surface, overshadowing his guilt at the moment. There were so many things he debated saying. Half of them just sounded like excuses and the other half just sounded like an argument of a petulant child. Dean ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath.

“You have until tomorrow evening, Dean, or I tell her.” Crowley’s tone wasn’t quite as loud, but Dean could still hear his annoyance. 

He knew it wasn’t that Crowley had any ill intentions. If that were the case, Crowley probably would have told her when they showed up at his mansion. “I told you, I’ll tell her tomorrow, after breakfast,” Dean stated, his eyes still on the lawyer for a moment before finally looking away.

Dean’s gaze went to the door where she’d gone. Then, panic coursed through his entire body, his heart pounding, and his feet were moving before he even had a chance to think. Something was wrong. He’d gone from feeling her heartache to feeling absolutely nothing, like she was unconscious. Dean knew she was still alive, but this was something deeper than her just being asleep.

Crowley and Benny were hot on his heels, but when Dean reached her door and flung it open, he stopped breathing for a moment. Her room was empty, a breeze coming through the open window.

“Damn it!”Dean cursed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. His eyes darted around the room, taking in every detail, every shadow, every flicker of movement, searching for any sign of where she might have been taken or by whom. The sheets were rumpled, and a pillow lay on the floor, but other than that, the room looked untouched.

Crowley appeared behind him, his expression grim as he surveyed the room. “They were quick,” he muttered, moving to the window and looking out at the grounds. He knew he should have anticipated something like this; the other men on the grounds had only been a distraction to keep the hounds and his security occupied while the real threat made its move. 

“Sir, you’ll want to see this,” Ketch stated, now standing in the doorway, his expression unreadable.

Dean tore his gaze away from the room and followed Ketch, a sense of dread settling in his stomach. He could feel his pulse racing, his hands trembling slightly as he walked down the hallway. Each step felt like an eternity, the air thick with tension and unspoken fears. He could still feel her, so he knew she was alive, but that wasn’t what he was worried about most.

The three followed Ketch back down to the main room, then to a side room where there were three other men, their faces illuminated by the glow of computer monitors. They were all watching the footage, their eyes glued to the screen as they went through the recordings. 

“I didn’t think he’d send his best, but I should have,” Ketch told them, pausing one of the recordings from outside her room.

On the screen, it wasn’t just one man; it was a strike team, led by Asmodeus, the Vaught family’s tactical security lead. Alastair was there too, with two others, Ramiel and Dagon. It was the best the Vaughts had. Dean’s jaw tightened as he watched the footage, his eyes narrowing with a mixture of anger and fear. The precision with which they moved, the seamless coordination of their attack—it made his blood boil. His hands clenched into fists at his side, his knuckles turning white as he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

They’d come in through the window while she had been in the study, then hid in the shadows, waiting. The alarm linked to the window had never gone off. Once she sat down on her bed, Alastair approached her silently and, with a swift, practiced motion, injected something into her neck that knocked her out instantly. They then lifted her gently, as if handling a fragile doll, and slipped back out the window.

“Olivia has already been taken into custody and is being questioned,” Ketch informed Crowley, his tone cold and efficient. “I’ve also already sent out two security teams to retrieve your guests from earlier.”

“Good. Now, to make a phone call,” Crowley replied, his voice calm but tinged with a steel-like determination. He was pleased at how quickly his security team had gotten the job done. His next focus was to get his informant to find her before the end of the following day.

Crowley leaned back in his chair as he pulled out his phone, Dean’s eyes never leaving him. “I’m calling in that favor. Find her. Asmodeus’s team took her.” And with that, he hung up the phone. “Ketch, let me know the moment the others get here. They’ll want to know what is going on.”Dean couldn’t stay there in Crowley’s presence, knowing he was moments away from going off on the man. With his jaw clenched in frustration, he went to one of the studies, pouring himself a whiskey. It was only after ten, but he knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight, not with her having been kidnapped. 

Even after the others got there and offered their support, Dean couldn’t relax. Watching and hearing Ellen go off on Crowley brought him a small piece of relief. At least he wasn’t the only one who was pissed at the man. Crowley had brushed it off, not phased in the least by the woman’s angry words and threats. Ketch, on the other hand, eyed her suspiciously, having a feeling that she would actually do what she’d threatened.

After they’d been filled in, there wasn’t much to do except wait. That was hard on all of them. The tension, worry, and anger that filled the air of the study was thick. “You don’t think they’d try to do the wedding early, do you?” Jodi’s question and the broken silence pulled their attention to her. It was the same question running through all their minds. She had been the only one brave enough to speak it.

“I wouldn’t put anything past that family,” John answered, running a hand over his mouth as the tension grew.

Sam sighed, his gaze going from his brother to the floor for a moment. His brows furrowed as he gathered his thoughts. Sam was probably the only one at the moment who knew how good Crowley was. “I know none of you want to trust Crowley,” Sam began before looking back up at everyone in the study.

“He’ll get her back, before the Vaughts can force her into marrying him. I know none of you trust him. But I’ve spent the last several weeks with him. I’ve seen his track record. Please, even if you don’t trust Crowley, trust me,” Sam asked, an almost plea.

Dean had once again been trying to follow that thread that connected them, but he still couldn’t feel anything from her. To him, it was like a part of him was missing without her emotions there, mixing with his own. “I’ll try, Sam,” Dean whispered, his gaze on the floor as if somehow the answer on when she’d be found would appear there.

Hours passed like they were days for Dean, each minute seeming to stretch on like a never-ending nightmare. No one emotion was strong enough to feel over the other - anger, heartache, worry, and the lack of feeling her. They were all restless, but Dean didn’t find comfort in their presence or the light conversation anyone tried to make. His gaze was distant, lost in his thoughts of what she could possibly be going through.

He hadn’t even realized how much time had passed before he felt her again as the goosebumps prickled along his skin. Dean swallowed hard - she was afraid. The glass of whiskey in his hand began to shake slightly as his breathing became shallow. Far too many thoughts bombarded him all at once. 

Sam’s hand on his shoulder made him jump. “You okay?” he asked, worry and concerned in not only his tone, but also his features.

“She’s awake,” Dean whispered in return, desperately trying to calm his racing heart. 

Dean felt the pain that ached through her body, the panic that hit her hit him, and then there was how it was hard to breathe. Sam said something else, but Dean was so consumed by his connection to her that he hadn’t heard a word of it.

“Dean, is she okay?” Sam repeated, this time a little louder, causing Dean to meet his brother’s gaze.

Dean took a breath, shifting his body a little to shake some of the weight of what had hit him so he could focus again. She’s at least awake. “She’s afraid, but it’s different, like she’s alone.” he tried to explain, desperately tracing the strand of the connection she had put her walls up to keep at bay.

Sam let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t much, but it was better than if she was already being forced into a wedding ceremony. “Let me know if anything changes,” he told his brother, giving him one of those reassuring smiles as he gently squeezed his shoulder.

Again, the minutes stretched on as Dean focused on her. He felt every shift in her emotions. When she began worrying about him, a sad smile formed on his lips. I’m okay, Sweetheart, and I’ll be here when you’re brought back. Even though he knew she couldn’t hear his thoughts, he still hoped they would comfort her in a way. He felt her struggle, her determination which made him smile, and then, more worry. Dean updated Sam any time her emotions shifted  Dean loved how strong she was, despite how her life had gone. It was when slight relief washed through her that he finally let himself relax, after who knew how many hours every muscle in his body had been tense, waiting for the worst.

“Oh, thank God,” he whispered, leaning back against the bar in the sitting room, letting out another breath as his shoulders slumped a little, relaxing, the tension easing.

Dean sipped his drink, glancing toward the door, often. I’m telling her everything when she gets here, even if she hates me afterward. He was done keeping it all from her, done letting his guilt overrule the things he needed to share with her. That burning sensation of her mark irritated his own, as it had done in the past. He knew she was thinking of him, both worrying but also trying to piece things together.

It was when another wave of relief washed over her, and through him that he stood and began making his way to the front door. Dean didn’t even realize how quickly he was moving. He needed to see her, feel her in his arms again, and let her presence ground the tornado of emotions coursing through him. He flung the doors open and, for a moment, stopped breathing when he saw her standing there only halfway up the stairs. Taking them two at a time, he didn’t even give her a chance to move as he pulled her into his arms, letting her soothe him in a way he knew she didn’t understand.

“I thought I lost you,” he whispered, fighting against the lump in his throat and the tears burning his eyes. 

When she said Meg’s name, Dean looked over at the woman. Could she be Cas’s soulmate? The guys had shared their soulmate’s names with each other years ago, when they’d come in. Then, on numerous nights, they would make jokes and push to mask that worry of possibly never finding them. If circumstances were different, Dean would have said something, even spoken with her. But not today, not now.

Most of everything after that was a blur for Dean as he focused solely on her. His guilt was eating at him again. She was hurt, and to him, it was his fault. He had told her he’d protect her, keep her safe, but he hadn’t. Dean had moments where he let himself relax, like when she would squeal, but his mind was on telling her everything, after he took care of her wounds.

He felt her watching him as he cleaned her cuts and scrapes. Dean knew the others were there, but everything around him had seemed to disappear, except for her. He felt her confusion, curiosity, and her desire for the missing pieces. He heard her whispered questions dancing around his mind. With her one, his jaw clenched. After I patch her up, I’ll tell her.

Dean knew he couldn’t convey everything, not the way he wanted to. It was a feeling that couldn’t be put into words. Love wasn’t even the right word, as it went so far beyond that for him, and that scared him, as did the possibility of her rejecting him. He couldn’t even hide his emotions anymore when she would ask him questions. God, he never felt more vulnerable in his life.

You shifted next to him, pulling him from his dreams. Dean’s eyes fluttered open as he inhaled deeply. He smiled as he looked down at you, still asleep in his arms. You were still there. He kissed your forehead, causing you to stir again.

“You’re safe, Sweetheart,” he whispered, his eyes taking in your features as you slowly began waking up.

It was warm, and you felt safe, content. As you opened your eyes, you smiled, seeing those beautiful green orbs lazily staring down at you, full of adoration and love. “Afternoon,” he told you, half asleep and still groggy.

“You slept too, good,” you chuckled sleepily as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Feeling his emotions was still something you couldn’t quite put into words, but it felt right, normal even. Lying in his arms felt like home, and it made the rest of the world and all the issues going on seem like they didn’t exist. 

“I always sleep when I get to hold you,” Dean replied, his voice still having that gruffness of just waking up.

You could have laid there all day with him, but your stomach had other ideas as it began to grumble, making both of you laugh a little. The lightheartedness of the moment only deepened when he reached down and cupped your cheek before giving you a tender kiss. 

I love you.

Neither of you were sure who’s thought it was, but it whispered through both your minds. Your breath hitched in your chest as both your hearts sped up, and your lips parted slightly after he pulled away. For a moment, all you could do was stare into his eyes, searching for something. But, before either of you could speak, a knock on the door and hearing it open made you both move so you could see who was intruding, reminding you both of reality.

“Lunch is served, and Crowley requests both of you to join him,” the butler stated, standing there with the door open.

Dean groaned and rolled his eyes, which made you giggle a little. That made him smile as he leaned down toward your ear. “I get to help you put some pants on again,” he whispered before leaving a soft kiss on your neck, sending a shiver down your body.

“Tease,” you grumbled, but the smile on your face gave away that you weren’t upset at all.

“We’ll be down in a minute,” Dean told the butler so he’d go away for just a few more minutes of having you all to himself.

“Five minutes,” the butler replied, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Dean propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at you, that mischievous smirk on his lips. “Five minutes…” he repeated in a rather suggestive manner, making you giggle, music to his ears.

He knew better, though, than to start something now. Dean wanted to love you, the way he’d been wanting to for months, and five minutes wasn’t enough time. “Alright, I’ll behave,” he sighed before throwing back the blankets and climbing over you, on purpose.

You bit your bottom lip and practically held your breath when he was on top of you, and your eyes met his. He even lingered for a moment longer than he needed to, mischief, love, and desire flickering in his eyes, matching the emotions that mixed with your own. It caused both your bodies to thrum for a moment before he finally got off the bed, and you could take a deep breath.

Using your elbows, you maneuvered yourself to the edge of the bed, remembering not to put weight on your wrists. He chuckled a little after grabbing your jeans, feeling you watching him, and trying not to focus on the images that played out in his mind, knowing they weren’t all his.

“You know, Sweetheart. I’m pretty sure you’re the bigger tease.” He told you, quite amused as he helped you into your jeans, teasingly slow again. He loved how your body responded to him and he hadn’t even really done anything.

“At least I’m keeping my hands to myself,” you quipped in return, sitting up.

Dean tapped the side of his head with his finger. “Your thoughts are quite… detailed,” he replied before licking his lips, wanting nothing more than to act on the things you were thinking.

A deep blush found your cheeks, and traveled down part of your neck as your body flushed. Thankfully, the butler opened the door, stating your five minutes was up, making the two of you laugh. Dean scooped you up into his arms again, carrying you down to the dining hall, following the butler. 

He had an idea of why the two of you had been ‘summoned,’ but he didn’t want to say anything. “We’ll face it together,” you told him softly, your head leaning against his chest, feeling his worry.

“That’s gonna take some getting used to,” he chuckled.

“What, me being able to read you like a book now?” you asked with a slightly teasing tone as you looked up at him.

Dean made the mistake of looking down at you, and god, the thoughts that went through his mind were downright sinful. He took a shaky breath, quickly looking away. “Yeah,” he replied, his breaths still a little shaky as he tried to shake the images from his mind.

The butler held the dining hall doors open, “I’ve retrieved them, Sir.”

“Oh, good. The lovebirds are finally awake, and clothed,” Crowley cooed from the far side of the hall, making most of the others roll their eyes. No one had left, which almost worried you.

Dean gave you a gentle squeeze, “Relax. I’ll be right there with you.” He whispered.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 26

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[delimeful]

be unbroken or be brave again (3)

warnings: threats, fear, arguing, cliffhanger

-

The first obstacle to their little road trip was convincing Roman to dress appropriately for the journey.

The armor itself wasn’t all that stand-out. Patton had seen plenty of well-funded mercenaries out there who could afford an enchantment or two for their greaves. The coat of arms stamped on everything, on the other hand…

In all fairness, they had kidnapped the guy. He’d already been uncertain about, well, just about everything in the situation so far, and now he was being told that he couldn’t even wear his favorite accessories.

Patton would have had a little bit more sympathy if the accessories in question weren’t all emblazoned with the decorative sigil of Faerin, a kingdom that had personally victimized his best friend, as well as frequently seeming to make trouble whenever and wherever it pleased.

Plus, the other thing was—

“If you walk into town with that on, we’re all gonna get jumped,” Virgil said bluntly, waggling the blade of Roman’s dagger at the coat of arms brightly emblazoned on multiple pieces of the knight’s armor. “Seriously, ditch it.”

Roman huffed, holding a scandalized hand up to his chest as though Virgil had told him to strip down to his trousers and jump into a briar patch. “We will not get attacked! Faerin isn’t currently at war with any of the nearby territories.”

“Wow, real gracious of them,” Virgil replied flatly, and Patton jumped in to prevent the tensions from rising any further.

“Roman, kiddo, it’s not really about the war,” he explained, holding his hands up peaceably. “It’s more about all the taxes. People really don’t like the kingdom’s policies, so as soon as you get clear of the enforced territories, well. Folks out here tend to atax first, ask questions second when it comes to Faerin.”

Virgil snorted, leaning back against the wall and twirling the blade in his hand smoothly. He had flatly refused to give the dagger back to Roman even when Patton asked him in private, which was how he knew this little venture was really putting his friend on edge.

It wasn’t fair of him to ask Virgil to do this, not really, but he couldn’t help but ask anyhow. To meet another survivor of one of the worst days of his life and find that they’d developed a hatred of the very one who’d saved him that day… it was too sad to bear, so Patton was going to fix it! Or, he was going to try really hard to, at least.

The fixing process would have gone much smoother if the pair of them would stop jumping like startled cats every time one or the other did anything, but Patton had no say in that. Virgil was twitchy by nature, and Roman had proven rather reactive himself.

“These could have perfectly useful applications as well, you know!” Roman huffed, running his fingers over the embroidered underlayer he’d been about to put on. “Imagine if we run into a fellow Faerin knight out there? My kingdom’s symbol could grant us an ally, as simply as that, giving us more protection from malignant forces!”

Patton resisted the urge to grimace at the very idea.

Less restrained, Virgil reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose for a moment, and then huffed out a disbelieving exhale, sheathing the dagger. “Okay, sure, let’s imagine that. After you get done exchanging obnoxiously overdramatic greetings with this imaginary knight who somehow survived out there without getting robbed, what then? What do you think your fellow knight will have to say when you let it slip that I’m a dragonwitch, infamously the number one enemy of your kingdom?”

Roman immediately descended into sputtering, his shoulders hunching at Virgil’s sharp critiques. “We— Obviously I would inform them of the specifics of the situation, and let them know that despite what it may look like, there’s no reason to worry and nothing to fear, for I have everything well in hand!”

At the words, Virgil went still for a moment, a sudden edge of danger seeping into his rigid posture. Pushing off the wall, he stalked closer to where Roman stood, gaze flinty and mouth slanted. For every step closer he got, Roman’s shoulders bunched up further with tension, his hand dropping to his hip as though to draw a blade that was no longer sheathed there.

Patton thought about getting involved, and then decided that he couldn’t step in every time the two of them started bickering. He had to let them do some olive branching of their own! Virgil wasn’t the best gardener, but anyone could wield a spade if they tried hard enough! It would probably be fine.

… Emphasis on probably.

For his part, Virgil leaned forward slowly until he was practically looming over Roman, and let his leathery wings slowly rise like the mantle of a bird of prey, the early morning light reflecting off his scales like oil gleaming in a lantern’s glow. He tilted his head with a menacing, narrow-eyed smile, sharp teeth on full display. “Do you have everything well in hand, Princey?”

Roman swallowed, lifting his chin to meet Virgil’s gaze head-on. “As far as anyone needs to know, yes.”

Despite his bravado, his hands were clenched into shaking fists at his sides. Virgil’s malicious smile eased into something harder to read, and he rolled his eyes before backing off.

“Just get rid of the sigils. We don’t need the trouble.”

Roman’s brow furrowed for a moment, his expression hard to read, but this time, he didn’t protest.

—

The second obstacle to their road trip was convincing Roman to actually get on the road.

Or, rather, on the dragon.

“There is absolutely no way I am literally placing my life in the claws of a dragon,” Roman stated plainly, expression dour. He was trying to look aloof, but the effect was ruined by the way his gaze kept roaming back to rest on the large footprints Virgil had left in the dirt when they’d first arrived back home, unconscious knight in hand.

“That’s probably the smartest thing he’s said all day,” Virgil added unhelpfully, picking dirt out from beneath aforementioned claws with his pilfered blade. “Give the guy a prize.”

“Virgil,” Patton said, exasperated, before turning to Roman. “There’s no need to worry, Virgil is a very safe flier. Plus, you’ve already done this once before, remember?”

“You know, I actually don’t recall! How strange,” Roman retorted, re-adjusting his pauldron in short, jerky motions. “It’s almost as though someone clubbed me over the head with a big rock or something. Imagine that!”

Patton’s cheeks went a little hot, and he cleared his throat pointedly. “Well, I was there, and he was very careful to make sure neither of us got hurt! To be honest, I was pretty darn nervous being that high up, too. Really, heights like that aren’t always fall they’re cracked up to be!”

“Don’t add pun-based insult to my injury, I beseech you,” Roman replied, grimacing. “And I’m not afraid of heights themselves, I’m afraid of being dropped from them!”

Virgil snorted, finally sticking the sheathed dagger in his boot and ambling away from them. “If you want to avoid assassination attempts, maybe stop giving out free ideas, Princey. Not that it matters. If I was going to kill you, I’d do it human-shaped. More fun that way.”

Ignoring Patton’s exasperated look and Roman’s squawk of offense alike, Virgil walked over to the middle of the clearing, taking care to circle around the daffodils Patton had planted as he went. He stopped once he had a wide stretch of space between him and any potential obstacles, glancing back over briefly with his lips pressed tightly together.

Patton gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up, mostly to encourage and support him, and a little bit to remind him that no matter what happened with Roman, Patton would always be there at his best friend’s side.

Virgil offered him a slight upturn of the lips, more grimace than smile, but he seemed a bit more relaxed when he closed his eyes and turned away from them, hand lifting to press against the little purple stone set between his collarbones.

“Wait, he’s not actually going to—,” Roman started, only to be cut off by Patton flapping his hands at him in a shushing gesture, eyes still locked on his friend.

Virgil rolled his shoulders, drew his wings close around himself, and then began to stretch the leathery appendages out, wider and wider. There was a thick crackling noise, like bones snapping or lightning running through an old tree, and with a twist, Virgil shifted into his largest form.

It only took a few moments, the air around him warping strangely, and then, there he stood, tail brushing the ground as he shook himself like a very, very oversized dog after a bath. The dust stirred around them from the intensity of it.

Roman had yelped and skipped back a fair few steps, but Patton didn’t bother even shuffling out of the way. Sure enough, none of those huge claws even got close enough to think about grazing him.

He knew his friend, and so he knew that Virgil was a worrier like no other. Frankly, Virgil’s pinky finger probably held more caution in it than a grown man or three had in their whole bodies. His human pinky, not the dragon one, to boot.

Patton was probably the safest he’d ever been, standing in the shadow of Virgil’s wings. He sure felt that way, at least.

“Hey, kiddo!”

Virgil perked up at the call, shuffling around a bit to lower his big scaly head into closer range. He was rumbling low in his chest, not necessarily loudly, but still definitely big enough that Patton could feel the noise in his bones.

He reached out and embraced the surprisingly soft snout as Virgil nudged it lightly against him, huffing lightly and waiting patiently for Patton to get his fill of impromptu dragon cuddles.

Patton smiled to himself. This was a far better sight to see than the nervous, flinching way that Virgil had acted that first time he’d shifted, when he kept sneaking glances at Patton like he was waiting for him to realize what he was and run screaming for the hills.

When he finally pulled back and turned to grab their bags, he found Roman standing only a few meters away, looking more strung out than a ball of yarn rolled down a hill. His hand was once again hovering near his side as though seeking a weapon to draw, a nervous tell.

“Is he still… He’s kept his mind?” Roman asked, eyes flickering down to Patton for the briefest moment before returning to the intense stare he was directing at Virgil.

Patton reminded himself that in Roman’s eyes, the only reason a dragonwitch would take this form would be to wreak havoc, and managed to keep himself from frowning too overtly at the knight.

“Virgil is Virgil, no matter which form he’s in,” he replied, forcing some pep into his step as he scooped up the first of their bags. “He’s just a little more… caught up in his instincts, when he’s in this form.”

That was how Virgil had explained all the happy rumbling and gentle nudges the first time, at least. Patton had made the merciful decision not to tease him about the purring.

“Oh, so murder is still on the table, then,” Roman muttered, finally breaking the stare-off to avert his gaze as Patton sent him a pointed look. “Joking! Just a joke, much like the one our reptilian associate made mere moments ago!”

“Mhmm,” Patton hummed dubiously as he turned back to Virgil. “Well, Mister Jokester, it’s time to get moving! We wouldn’t want the daylight hours to drag-on without us!”

Apparently feeling more confident now that he was the size of a house, Virgil yawned loudly— the sight of which made Roman go a bit grey— and then settled into a resting position to allow Patton to clamber up onto his back.

It only took a handful of minutes for Patton to successfully haul up and tie down their bags, with Virgil’s ears carefully flicking back to listen to his humming as he made sure everything was tightly secured to the spikes along his dragonic friend’s spine.

It took more than twice that time for Roman to stop staring dumbfoundedly at Virgil and actually begin to approach.

Of course, the moment he got within a few meters range, Virgil’s large slitted pupil flicked over to watch the knight, making him freeze mid-step like a deer before a mountain lion.

Patton resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he slid down to stand at Virgil’s side. At this rate, they wouldn’t even get off the ground until noon.

“That’s Roman, remember?” he reminded Virgil, reaching up to pat his shoulder in the hopes of helping him refocus on the task at hand. “You looked after him while he was sick, and now he’s traveling with us for a bit.”

Virgil blinked, his gaze still following Roman’s every move, with far less irritation than Patton would have expected. His pupils had even rounded out slightly, making him look far more friendly in Patton’s opinion.

For some reason, this didn’t seem to reassure Roman.

“C’mon!” Patton gestured for Roman to approach, and Roman shook his head vehemently, as though Patton was insane for even asking.

As though prompted by the exchange, Virgil rumbled and shuffled around a bit in place, his paws creeping forward and head dipping lower in a pose that Patton didn’t recognize until he noticed the dragon’s tail swishing back and forth behind him.

Roman picked up on what was about to happen much quicker, going by the way he went pale and immediately attempted to scramble away.

“Virgil, wait—,” Patton attempted, and then sighed as his friend lunged forward like a cat pouncing, eliciting a terrified shriek from the knight they were supposed to be befriending.

Well. At least none of the bags had been jarred loose by the motion.

The screaming was a little concerning, but Patton was sure that Virgil wasn’t going to murder the guy or anything, so he didn’t bother rushing as he circled around to see what was going on.

What was going on was that Virgil had neatly pinned Roman down with one clawed paw, and was now snuffling at him intently.

Huh. That was a lot less aggressive posturing than Patton had expected, honestly. The more he watched, the more it looked like Virgil was checking Roman over the same way he had inspected Patton for injuries earlier, all gentle nudges and enquiring chuffs.

Not that one would have guessed listening to them. Roman yowled like he was being murdered for at least a solid half a minute after it became clear that there was no mauling going on. Patton pursed his lips, trying not to look too amused at the knight’s expense.

“He’s just checking on you,” he took the opportunity to say once Roman’s shouts had wound down to bewildered, rapid breathing. “He did the same to me, remember?”

Roman shot him a panicked, disbelieving glance from under his impromptu dragon-paw prison. “Yours was far less intensive than— than this!”

Patton shrugged. “Maybe he was just more worried because you were so sick for a while there?”

It made sense, when he thought about it. Virgil had always been a real mother hen whenever Patton so much as got the sniffles, and that was with a much smaller fraction of a dragon’s instinctual possessive worry. Patton had always endured his best friend’s neuroses about illness with as much patience as he could manage, but Roman hadn’t been willing to let Virgil do so much as a checkup once he’d woken up properly. Virgil’s pride wouldn’t let him insist on looking after the slayer after he was conscious enough to be kind of a jerk again, but not knowing the condition of someone he’d been responsible for had to be driving his friend crazy.

“Worried wasn’t really the impression I was getting from Virgil,” Roman gasped out, the tension in his frame slowly leaking away the longer he remained unharmed.

“Really?” Patton asked, a little surprised despite knowing his friend wasn’t exactly the open type. “Well, there’s your first lesson: Virgil’s always worried.”

The dragon in question glanced over at Patton a little sourly, and whuffled at Roman one last time before withdrawing, apparently entirely unapologetic for nearly scaring the soul out of their guest.

Roman lay on the ground for a moment longer, looking a little like he’d been struck by a runaway carriage. He sat up and patted himself down as though checking that he was still all in one piece.

He was, of course. Virgil sent him a slanted, disdainful look for thinking otherwise.

“Are you ready to give this a proper try, now?” Patton asked with an encouraging grin, reaching out to offer him a hand up.

Roman cleared his throat extensively, looking a little red around the ears, but ultimately accepted the help without much protest. He took a deep breath, regaining his composure.

This time, when he turned to survey Virgil’s draconic form, it was with more wary determination than outright fear.

“Very well,” he said, stepping forward. “Let’s get this over with.”

—

The third obstacle to their road trip was finding a place to stop for the night.

Not, as one might assume, because of a lack of safe or viable options on the ground below. No, it was convincing his companions to land at all that was proving to be the issue.

As it turned out, Roman’s fear of the flight had lasted for about as long as it took for Virgil to do his first midair spin, at which point he’d whooped with astounded delight so loudly that even folks on the next continent over had probably heard him.

“Gods above, you’re fast!” he’d gasped, clinging to Virgil’s leg as the land flashed by distantly below them. “There’s no way you could do that from higher up, though.”

It seemed Virgil was easier to goad than ever in this form, because he’d immediately taken a sharp incline, earning him yelps from his passengers. Between the two of them, the bulk of their flight was spent doing gravity-defying tricks and thrilling dives to just barely skim the mountains below.

Patton was glad they’d found something in common at last. He would have preferred they bond over a hobby that wasn’t so terribly dangerous and liable to make him so dizzy he upchucked, but beggars couldn’t be choosers!

He really was begging to reach land soon, though. Best friend or no, there was only so much strain a guy’s poor heart could take.

Plus, he’d plotted out their course with a little detour, and if they kept racing on like this, they might overshoot it completely. They were traveling all this way, it would be a downright shame if they couldn’t at least stop by and say hello to one of Virgil’s other buddies!

—

The fourth obstacle in their road trip was that Patton had forgotten just what kinds of acquaintances a Dragonwitch might have.

Or more importantly— what these acquaintances might think of the company Virgil was currently keeping.

This particular obstacle arrived at their camp that night in the form of an arm suddenly wrapping around Patton’s neck from behind, tugging him into a barely bearable chokehold as Virgil bolted to his feet and growled out a vicious warning.

Across from him, Roman was in a similar situation, but with a wicked-looking serrated blade pressed right up against his jugular, and a pair of unearthly yellow eyes visible over his shoulder.

“My, my,” a smooth voice broke the silence, making Virgil twitch. “I wonder what business a Faerin knight and his tagalongs have in my stretch of the woods?”

Uh oh. It looked like maybe their little detour would take longer than he’d expected…

[hazywrites]

Bucky I’m In Love With My Best Friend

Chapter 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You are hopelessly in love with your best friend, James Buchanan Barnes, and it's clear he feels something for you, too. So between stolen kisses and hookups, drunken calls and flirty banter, why can't you talk about it? What even is "it"?

Warnings: Light angst, an argument, all is resolved

Words: 5,090

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48220744/chapters/121858312

Chapter 3

Chapter Notes: Hi, my loves! This chapter is a little longer than the last one, and a little angstier, though I always try to wrap things up on a happy note. Please let me know what you all think! I love you and thank you for reading!

“Did you tell Bucky?” Were the first words to spill out of Nat’s mouth as she came rushing into your room. Wanda shot you a sympathetic look from where she was sat, cross-legged, at the end of your bed.

“No,” you replied with a resolved pout. “He didn’t text me all day. He doesn’t get to know. He can find out when he sees me next and wonder why he was left out of the loop.”

“Nice to know we’re being mature about this.” Wanda’s words were drowned out as Nat spoke over her.

“Let’s sign your cast.” You nodded towards your desk where a pencil case brimming with art supplies sat unzipped. An assortment of colored Sharpies overflowed from it. Nat went for classic black, tossing Wanda a red one. After they finished, Nat sat next to you, leaning in conspiratorially. “If you really want to make him jealous, get another guy to sign it first.”

“Another guy?” You blinked. “I don’t know any other guys. I mean, I do, but my guy friends are nerds; Bucky won’t be jealous of them.”

“Get Loki to do it,” Nat squealed delightedly. You couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows at her turpitude. Bucky was close with Thor but he absolutely despised his younger brother. But you couldn’t go that far. Bucky never talked to people you hated; you wanted to reciprocate that respect. He was your friend, first, after all. You were about to protest the idea when Wanda spoke up.

“And Erik downstairs. Bucky definitely noticed the way he eyes you up. He’s always calling the guy a cornball and looking for reasons to dislike him,” she added.

“Wanda!” You scolded, not at all surprised to hear Nat talking like this but very shocked indeed to hear it coming from your most rational friend. She simply grinned bashfully in response.

“He hasn’t texted you all day,” Wanda reminded you. “Nothing wrong with reminding him how steep the competition is out here.

“I wouldn’t want him to remind me how steep the competition is,” you argued. Nat waved her hand dismissively.

“But if he does it, he’s a douchebag because he knows you two would’ve been in a relationship already if it were up to you. He’s the one who ‘needs time’, so you can show him that if he doesn’t step up, another guy will!”

“Somehow, I don’t think Bucky is that insecure. He’d just say something like ‘if that’s what you want, then that’s that’ and never talk to me again.”

“Oh, I forgot you two love playing the emotionally mature game.” Nat wrinkled her nose in disapproval. “But if we go out tonight and you just happen to run into Erik and Loki before Bucky texts you, he’ll have no one to blame but himself.” You groaned in response.

“I just ate shit on the way home from class and spent the last three hours in an emergency room. I do not feel like going out tonight.”

“And is the alternative sitting in bed, eating peanut butter cups and complaining about how much your arm hurts and how Bucky hasn’t texted you back?” Wanda asked pointedly. You shot her a death glare.

“Maybe the peanut butter cups will keep him at bay. He is allergic,” you mused.

“Yeah, no, I’m sorry; I do not want to deal with pouty Y/N right now. Get dressed and put on your best sad, wounded puppy look,” Nat said. She eyed you for a second. “Yeah, just like that.” You groaned loudly in response, only growing louder as she stood up and made her way to your closet, flipping through your dresses.

You’d settled on a strapless emerald green mini dress and black boots, which Wanda helped you into as Nat did your hair and makeup. Since you couldn’t exactly put anything on over your sling, your jacket hung over your shoulders. You wanted to complain more, but the girls were right. You’d be in pain either way. Might as well distract yourself from it, both physically and emotionally.

You were heading downstairs when Nat slowed you all to a stop in the hallway.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Y/N?” She asked, louder than necessary. You hid your face behind your hand as you realized what she was doing. “Oh, Y/N, you poor thing. Wanda, will you help Y/N with her jacket?” Her speaking volume raised each time she said your name, making your face flush in humiliation, especially as the door to the apartment you’d stopped in front of slowly swung open, revealing a curious-looking Erik.

“Y/N? I thought I heard your name,” he said.

“A wonder how that came to be,” you mumbled under your breath. His eyes fell on your cast.

“What happened to you? Are you okay?” Concern laced his voice.

“I’m just clumsy,” you conceded with a tight smile. “I tripped reading on my way out of the library. Should’ve watched where I was going.”

“I’m glad you’re alright,” he said, his fingers ghosting your arm as he stared down at you intensely. “I thought someone hurt you; I’d have to teach them a lesson.” He gave you a crooked smile as he said it, gazing into your eyes. Out of the corner of your eyes, you spotted Nat’s triumphant grin, as Wanda had the decency to pretend to be reading a job posting stapled to the community corkboard. Jesus, Bucky was right, you couldn’t help but think. This guy really is a cornball. “Oh, hey, they signed your cast. Why don’t I add my name to it?”

“Luckily,” Nat interjected, “I happen to have brought some Sharpies. What color would you like?”

“How about gold?” Erik asked, flashing his bright, picture perfect smile. You watched Nat grow a little flustered as she handed him the marker. Of course he would pick gold, you thought to yourself. “Where are you guys headed?” Erik asked as he finished signing your cast, finally taking in your outfits. Nat’s eyes sparkled.

“We’re just—“

“Late, we are running late,” you interrupted, ushering her away with your good hand. “Nice seeing you Erik, see you around!” You called as Wanda held the door open for you all to step outside, leaving a confused Erik still standing in his doorway.

“If you don’t want him, I’ll take him,” Nat said into the evening air as the door shut behind you.

“Take away,” you sighed as you began walking to the bar where Wanda swore she’d seen Loki on Snap Map. “You know this is borderline stalking,” you reminded her.

“It is public information,” she clarified. “And we got to speak to my bachelor, so we’re doing Nat’s next!”

“It’s like the world’s shittiest game show,” you lamented. “All the douchebags and no cash prize.”

“The prize,” Wanda reminded you, “will be Bucky seeing how many men will happily take his place and be your shoulder to cry on if he ever pulls a disappearing act like he did today.” You couldn’t help but smirk at her overprotectiveness. You knew Bucky most likely got caught up in a game of pick-up basketball or was busy with schoolwork, but you couldn’t help the chip on your shoulder that you’d broken your arm and he wasn’t around to help you. So much for best friends, you thought bitterly.

You spotted Loki almost immediately after entering the bar. He was leaning against a pool table, laughing at something his friends were saying when he caught your eye. You turned to notice that Nat and Wanda had already made themselves scarce, heading to the bar to get you drinks.

“Y/N,” Loki greeted as he strutted towards you, his eyes flitting down briefly to take in the sling. “Don’t you look worse for wear.”

“Gee, thanks, Loki,” you rolled your eyes. He laughed.

“You look beautiful as ever, darling, I was merely referring to the little nylon accessory you’re currently sporting.” You sighed.

“I may be beauty but I am not grace. I tripped coming out of the library.” Unlike Erik’s concerned reaction, Loki merely tilted his head back in a roaring laugh, a sound that irritated you to your core like proverbial nails on a chalkboard.

“Perhaps not grace, but the phrase ‘beauty and brains’ does come to mind,” he conceded. He gestured towards the pool table. “I’d offer for you to join me but it seems you are out of commission for the time being.”

“I’ll watch,” you said, resignedly, leaning on a nearby pool table. You watched him play for a minute before Nat and Wanda returned, Malibu bay breeze in hand. You smiled gratefully as you sipped the drink down. Loki greeted them both in turn as he made his shot before finally looking up from his game and leaning on the table next to you. For a moment neither of you said anything.

“So,” he finally spoke. “No Buckley today?”

“Bucky,” you corrected him, his answering shrug confirming your suspicion that he already knew your best friend’s name. “And no. We haven’t spoken today.” Loki hummed in response, his expression calculating as he took in the defeated slump of your shoulders.

“Despite your recent injury,” he noted.

“I mean, I didn’t exactly text him about it,” you admitted.

“You’re still upset. Why is that, if you haven’t even given him a chance to show up for you?”

“Because,” you sighed. “I shouldn’t have to. He doesn’t ask me to show up for him, I just do it. A little reciprocity would be nice.” He hummed in response.

“You know, Y/N, not everyone shows their affection the same way you do. Just because Bucky doesn’t speak your love language, doesn’t mean he isn’t speaking his own.”

“He doesn’t speak any love language,” you scoffed. Loki’s index finger and thumb touched your chin, just for a moment, as he tilted your face up to look into his eyes. His fingers were off you just as quickly as he chose his next words.

“Listen, love. You know I think I could make you much happier than that joker ever could.” You opened your mouth to protest, but he shot you a silencing look before continuing. “And I know that there is no room in your heart for anyone besides him. But ask yourself. When is the last time he spoke to someone for this long? His reputation precedes him, you know. But with you, it’s different. You’re not a fling. Maybe he’s taking his time with you because he thinks you’re worth taking things slowly with. And maybe each time he distances himself, he’s trying to stop this from burning out too soon because he’s decided he wants you around for a long time.” You stared at him in stunned silence for a moment as he stood up and stretched, cue stick in hand. “I mean, what do I know? The guy’s an idiot. If you were my girl, I’d show you off to the entire city. And take you on a date that isn’t sneaking into AMC to see The Batman for free for the tenth time.” He shot you a smirk. “Though I suspect you enjoy that. So how about you hand me a Sharpie and I can sign that cast of yours to make him jealous, and you can head over to his apartment?”

“How did you know?” You laughed.

“Your two best friends and Erik Killmonger? Please, darling. Discreet is not your strong suit. Seeing as gold has been taken, why don’t you hand me the green one to match that pretty little dress of yours?”

The walk back to Bucky’s apartment was contemplative for you. You ran into Peter and MJ coming out of a restaurant with Tony and Pepper along the way, so you were grateful for a few more signatures from your friends to hide your stupid, embarrassing scheme. Wanda and Nat finally left you at the door to the brownstone Bucky and his roommates shared. With your good hand, you knocked shakily. It was Steve who answered.

“Y/N? What happened to you?” He asked as he took in your arm.

“Being clumsy, as usual,” you replied, peeking past him. “Is Bucky home?”

“Yeah, he’s in his room, come on in,” he said, stepping aside to let you in first before closing the door behind you. You greeted Thor and Sam playing 2K on the living room floor, brushing off their concern. Before you could make it to Bucky’s room, he came out. His hair was wet from a shower and he was wearing plaid pajama pants and the Christmas t-shirt he always wore to bed. His already plump pink lips were settled in a confused pout.

“Y/N?” He asked, his eyes dancing over your frame before making their way back to your face.

“Hey, Buck.”

“You tried to breathe and walk at the same time again?” He asked teasingly. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, though.

“Oh, this? I fell off a cellphone tower. I thought perhaps I wasn’t getting any bars since you haven’t texted me all day.” You shot back. It was semi-playful but laced with something else.

“Phone works both ways,” he reminded you in his smart-ass tone. Oh, he was upset. But why? You wondered. He hadn’t even seen the signatures yet. “I’ve been waiting for a text from you,” he confessed, opening the door to his bedroom and leaning back against it as you walked in. He joined you in sitting at the edge of his bed and brushed your jacket off your shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me as soon as it happened?” He asked as he touched your arm gently, inspecting the injury. His eyebrows shot up as he read the signatures and you felt your face flush. “Looks like you’ve been in good hands, at least.” It was hard to miss the iciness in his tone.

“Not like you care,” you grumbled. A look flashed across his face that you couldn’t mistake for anything but anger.

“I don’t care?” He asked disbelievingly.

“I didn’t mean that, I…” you trailed off unsurely.

“So what did you mean, Y/N? Besides putting words in my mouth?”

“I don’t know, I… You didn’t text me all day.”

“Yeah, because I was busy with shit. And you didn’t text me either. But you had time to have half of New York sign your cast,” he scoffed. Shit. This was a bad idea, jealousy was such a negative emotion. Why did you let Nat and Wanda talk you into this?

“Half of New York would’ve signed my cast whether you showed up for me or not, Bucky,” you cried. “I have friends, you know. I don’t just sit around waiting for you all day.” Such a lie. Yes, you did.

“I never said you did,” Bucky raised his voice to match yours. “Where is this coming from?”

“I just,” you sighed. “I just want you to show up for me.”

“All this because I didn’t text you for one day? The phone works both ways, Y/N.”

“No, not just today. I mean. Like, you ice me out. We spend the night together and you get all cold and distant after. We’re friends and then we’re more than friends but it’s always on your terms. Anytime we get too close, you push me away again.” You felt tears welling up in your eyes as you spoke despite how much you willed yourself not to cry.

“I need time, Y/N, I told you this,” he replied. His tone was even but his eyebrows were knotted together in frustration.

“Yeah, I know, but what about what I need? Reassurance. Affection. I’m not a sex doll, you know.”

“I never said you are.”

“I know you didn’t. But I feel like one. You hate when I say we’re just friends but the only time you’re intimate with me outside of that is sex.”

“So you don’t want to have sex anymore,” he concluded, the corners of his pouty lips twitching into a frown.

“No, Bucky, I want to have sex but I want more than that, don’t you get it?”

“And I’m telling you I need time. Y/N, please. I would’ve showed up for you today if you asked. I would’ve taken you to the E.R. I would’ve signed your cast first. If you texted me.”

“I…” you started, cutting yourself off with a sigh after a moment. “I know. I don’t know what I was trying to prove,” you admitted quietly.

“C’mere. Let me get you out of that dress. Which shirt do you want to wear?” He asked.

“That one,” you nodded towards the one he was wearing.

“Of course. Couldn’t make it easy for me,” he shook his head with a slight smile and pulled the shirt over his head in one swift motion. You couldn’t help but blush at the sight of his naked torso and look away even though it was nothing you hadn’t seen before. His motions were gentle and slow, his eyebrows pulled together in concentration as he helped you dress. Soon you were laid up in nothing but his Christmas tee and your panties, and Bucky remained shirtless in his pajama pants at your side.

“Where is it?” He finally asked.

“Where is what?” You replied in question, confusion lacing your tone. He quirked an eyebrow at you.

“My Sharpie,” he answered. You felt your face flush as he shot you a triumphant smirk.

“It’s in my jacket pocket,” you admitted. He fished it out, signing the available spot on your hand in bright orange. His favorite color. The signature was unnecessarily big, and he finished with a heart. You shot him a smile and he rolled his eyes at you.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it before I turn it into a butt,” he warned. You giggled and nodded your agreement, your mind racing with things to say but none of them seeming like enough.

“Goodnight, Bucky,” you breathed into the dark room after a while.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” his sleepy voice mumbled in reply. His soft snores filled the room only moments after.

[mythica0]

Provoked.. kinda.

🎂: Fop; a new wish

🧁: Dev

🍫: Peri

Summary: Dev has a lee mood. Provoking Peri into tickling him is harder than he thought.

A/N: my fav dynamic once again! Ending coulda been better and the title sucks but I’m using the classic principle of “eh, fuck it, good enough.” >:3 enjoy yall!

Provoked.. kinda.

Dev had a lee mood again.

‘This is ridiculous it hasn’t even been that long!’ His thoughts ridiculed him. But no matter how much he thought it was stupid, it was still there. A buzzing, tingling sensation and a strong desire to laugh his head off.

He definitely didn’t want to ask. He like just got tickled that’s so stupid! But he didn’t want to let it fester either. So, he had one other option: provoking.

Peri was the one who tickled him the most, so he was his best bet. Dev had a plan. He was just gonna pretend to be sad, after all Peri said he would tickle him any time he was sad.. how hard could it be?

‘really hard, apparently!’ Dev thought to himself. He had been trying to fake being sad for a while now, with no luck. The lee mood just made him happy, he couldn’t help it!

He had to think of another way..

Dev started bugging Peri. Making pointless wishes, being rude, even making fun of him. He was hoping that he could irritate the fairy enough that he would snap.

Peri knew exactly what was happening. His Lee mood sensor(tm) had been going off all day. But he decided to let the kid sort it out. He’d either ask or give up eventually. Or so he thought.

‘Man this kid is stubborn! It’s been a whole day and he’s still trying!’ Peri was honestly impressed. He knew that he would’ve given up by now.

So Peri decided to throw him a bone, and the next time Dev attempted to mess with him, he went with it.

“Alright, that’s enough, mister!” He pretended to be angry, pushing the kid down onto his bed.

‘Yes! Finally!’ Dev cheered internally, smiling widely.

“You’ve been pushing my buttons all day! And I think that deserves some sort of punishment, don’t you?”

Dev didn’t respond, he was already fighting back giggles and Peri had even done anything yet!

“Hmm… I think I’ll start … here.” Peri pretended to ponder as he moved his hands to the kids knees. Sure they weren’t his worst spot but sometimes you want to have some build up!

As soon as Peri started gently squeezing Dev’s pent-up giggles burst out of him.

“Eheeee peheherii stohohop!” He protested, not really meaning a word of it.

“Oh, stop? No no no, you mess with me aaaall day and expect no repercussions? No sir, we’re gonna be here a while~”

Meanwhile Dev just giggled and squirmed, happy to finally have that craving fulfilled.

Eventually, Peri dropped the act, scribbling on the underside of Dev’s knees. “So… you really wanted more tickles? Was Saturday not enough for ya?~” He teased, making the kid aware that he knew.

“Whahat- yohou knehehew? Hohow!”

“What’d I tell you, kid? I always know when someone’s in a lee mood~”

“Buhut- ihif yohou knehehew whyhy dihid yohou stihill tihihickle mehehe? Ihif yohou knehew thahats whahat ihi wahanted?”

“Ah~, decided to throw you a bone~ I mean, I made you ask for tickles like last week so I thought I’d just let you have this one.”

Dev would’ve had a contemplative silence if he could stop giggling. “Ohohoh.”

“Yeah, oh. Anyways, where were we? A tickle tickle tickle tickle~” Peri teased, Moving to tickle Dev’s ribs as he did so.

“Crahahap nohoho!”

“Ah c’mon~, I know you don’t mean that~”

Dev’s cheeks turned red at the statement.

“Sh-shuhuhush!”

“No can do, kid~ how about I count these ribs, hmm? Make sure they’re all there?”

“Whahahat! Nohoho!”

“Yes~ okay let’s see here- one~” He moved to wiggle his fingers on and in between each bone as he counted.

Dev kicked lightly, not knowing what to do with his body or voice.

“Two~ three~”

“Peheherii! Stohohop!”

“You’d say red if you meant it~ four~” he dragged out each number with purpose, and as he got closer to the kids underarms he struggled not to clamp his arms down.

“Five~ six~ seven- hey! Stay still or I’ll have to restart.”

“I cahahant hehelp ihit! ahahaha crahahap!!”

“Well then you’d better hope I don’t lose count~ eight~ nine~ ten~” The giggles coming from the kid increased the closer Peri got to his underarms.

“Eleven~ twelve!! There, all 12 sets of ribs are in place!”

Peri continued to move his hands up, and as Dev anticipated that his armpits were about to be attacked, he shot his arms down.

“Oh~ what’d we have here~ I’m gonna need you to bring your arms up for me so I can tickle you just like you want~ hmm? That way I can get all~ those delicious giggles~”

“Cahahant! Ehahaha!”

“Hmm, okay then~, let me help you out~” Peri then fluttered at the kids neck, causing him to scrunch his shoulders in defense. While his arms were up, he used that opportunity to scribble under his arms.

“There we go~! Much better~”

“Eheehahaha peheherihihi!”

“That’s my name, kid~ don’t wear it out~”

This was great. Dev was having such a good time, just laughing and smiling and unable to do anything about it. It felt so good for a reason he couldn’t explain. Then, Peri started to sloooowly drag his fingers back down Dev’s sides.

“I’m gonna get your tummy, Dev~ I’m gonna tickle and tickle that little tummy of yours until your all tickled out~”

“Peheheri stohohop!”

“Nuh-uh~ I’m gonna do it~ can you give me a nice count down from three~”

“Nohoho!”

“Aww, too bad~ I guess I’ll have to do it myself~ threeeeeeeeee~” he purposefully said the number ridiculously slowly, enough that the kid finally caved.

“Alrihihight, Alrihihight ihihill cohount!”

“Oh, good! Glad you came around~”

Dev began to count through his giggles, “threheheehee, twoho-“ as soon as he finished the number, Peri dove for his stomach.

“Ihi thohohought- bubuhut- ihihi dihihidnt fihinish!”

“Oh, sorry~ I got a little impatient~ decided to speed things up~”

Dev just laughed and laughed, in stitches from the oh so ticklish sensations radiating from his tummy.

“Ehahahaha thahahat tihihickkes soho muhuhuch!”

“Good~ that means I can have all~ your giggles to myself~ om nom nom-“ he started making silly noises and blowing raspberries, making Dev’s giggles squeak for a moment.

Dev giggled, happily kicking and smiling so wide, until eventually he’d had enough.

“Alrihihight, rehed.”

Peri took the cue and stopped immediately, getting off of him.

“You all good?”

“Never better.”

Peri laughed for a moment. “Man you are a tickle addict~”

Dev covered his face and pushed at Peri lightly with his other hand. “Shut uuup!”

Peri giggled a little, and they fell into a nice silence for a moment. Until-

“So~ was it everything you ever wanted~?”

“UGhhhhhhh!”

———THE END————————————————

[goayda]

Not My Place to Say - Part 3/3

Third (and last, I think) part of a Stizzy fic. Second part can be found here:

(As usual, set some time after 2x07, Ed is happy being a fisherman somewhere and there was no Zheng fight and no Prince Ricky attack. As usual too, no warnings needed, except for the fluffiest fluff.)

Bonnet had politely waved him in and Izzy had walked into the cabin more confused than he had ever been before. Besides having just noticed the now painfully obvious similarities between Lestat and Bonnet, his mind was still reeling from Sprigg’s stupid words.

Because it was just a stupid idea, clearly, Bonnet being jealous? He was annoyed, that much was obvious, but that must be all. Izzy just had to discover what exactly had bothered the captain and then try to fix it before it could mess their relationship even more.

Bonnet was his captain now, but surely he didn’t expect to have a say in the first mate’s dalliances. Not even Edward had- no, better not go there, Izzy thought, because the truth was that Edward had never been bothered by who Izzy spent the night with because he had never cared. It was surprising and silly that this thought could hurt him, even after everything-

“…Izzy?”

Bonnet’s voice startled him and Izzy realized the captain had been talking to him, but he had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts to hear a thing.

“I was saying if you would want to have some tea with me,” Bonnet repeated with a soft smile that faltered when Izzy simply stared at him without answering. “Unless you’ve already had breakfast, of course,” he added then, looking slightly uncomfortable. “And I know you’d probably prefer a cup of coffee anyway, tea is probably not your thing-“

“It’s fine,” Izzy finally found himself saying. “Tea is fine. Thank you.”

Bonnet nodded, smiling lightly again and poured two cups of tea and Izzy sat there at the table, looking at his cup while thinking how the hell he was going to start that conversation when Bonnet cleared his throat and squared his shoulders as he looked straight at him.

“I wanted to apologize, Izzy,” he started, seriously. “I’ve been rude to you for no good reason and I was bringing the mood down when this shore leave was supposed to be a good time for everybody.”

Izzy stared wide-eyed at him, not used to a captain apologizing, especially for something as trivial as this, but before he could open his mouth to reply, Bonnet continued.

“I’m glad that-that you found somebody- well,… it looked like that man at the tavern was… nice,” he added, looking as if uttering those words was actually painful to him. “We’re still going to be here for two more days, maybe you could invite him here to have some drinks and meet the crew…”

“I don’t even know where he’s now, Bonnet,” Izzy replied flatly. “And I don’t care.”

The way Bonnet tried and failed to hide his relief almost made Izzy laugh out loud, but even as tired as he was after a sleepless night, Izzy had a reputation to uphold so he resisted the urge to even smile while he tried not to think about how Bonnet’s reaction had warmed him inside.

“We said goodbye, I don’t expect to see him again. He was just… some guy,” Izzy added after a pause, not really knowing why he felt the need to explain himself now. “I just felt lonely, I guess. And he was good company for a night.”

Bonnet’s face softened and he nodded in understanding with a sad, little smile, but then he turned serious once again.

“I guess I must be honest, Izzy. I was a bit upset last night when you left the tavern because…”

Bonnet hesitated then, looking slightly embarrassed and Izzy’s heart started thrumming in his chest wildly.

“I was worried that you weren’t going to come back,” Bonnet finally said, lowering his gaze. “I think deep down I’ve always been worried that one day you’re going to leave us for another ship, for a better crew,… for a better captain.”

Izzy gaped at him, bewildered. He hadn’t seen that coming at all.

“That’s-that’s absurd,” he blurted out, making Bonnet flinch. “I mean… leaving without a proper resignation would be totally unprofessional,” he added quite lamely.

“Well, actually, I never officially asked you to be my first mate,” Bonnet replied with a playful smirk.

That was true, Izzy realized in dismay. After Edward left he had simply kept going as usual, doing the first mate’s tasks, training Bonnet and the crew, but nobody had really asked him to be the first mate. What if they had simply let him stay out of pity? Why would they have chosen him anyway? It was not as if Oluwande couldn’t do the job, or Jim, maybe. What if he was just… tolerated on board as some old ratter dogs are because they are still useful?

Izzy’s tired mind was starting to panic, but then Bonnet, who must have noticed his inner turmoil, reached for Izzy’s ungloved hand over the table, stopping all his thoughts from spiraling any further.

“But that’s a mistake I’d like to fix right now,” Bonnet said determinedly as he squeezed Izzy’s hand briefly. “Would you want to be my first mate, Israel Hands? It would mean a lot to me if you said yes. And to the crew, it would mean a lot to all of us,” he added quickly.

Izzy stared at Bonnet’s kind eyes and wished he was better with words in situations like this. He was going to have to try, he guessed.

“Yes,” he said firmly and then he squeezed Bonnet’s hand tightly.

Bonnet’s smile was blinding.

“And you don’t have to worry about me leaving,” he added, forcing himself to be brave. “This is a good crew and you… you’re a good captain, Stede.”

The look on the captain’s eyes, so soft and so caring, was almost too much for Izzy so he lowered his gaze to look at their intertwined hands instead.

“The tea must be getting cold,” Stede said lightly, after a few seconds of silence. “We shouldn’t let it spoil after Roach took the time to make it for us.”

And he started drinking it without letting go of Izzy’s hand. The first mate hesitated for only a moment and then took his cup with his free hand to take a sip while he tried to hide a smile.

The tea was awfully bland, of course, but Izzy couldn’t care less.

XOX

[aphrodisieac]

First time flying in 4 hours no sleep cause I miss my bed and I can’t stop thinking I miss my fur bbys already I hope they behave themselves I’m also melancholic today because I fasted for Ramadan today and was excited to break my fast with my family but it’s not the same as it was as the Smiths say it was quite depressing my home life was sad growing up and each time I go back I’m reminded cause my younger siblings live through a second version of my child hood, I miss my English class I’m gonna start summer classes soon and gonna take enc1102 I’m excited I love writing and thinking and discussing, I’m working a lot on stuff around my house it’s my second child almost owning a home has taught me so much it’s a living being that needs much upkeep and patience I love tinkering I was tinker bell in another life. Homemaking is so much more than I do I’ve turned into an electrician and a plumber it’s crazy I love to throw myself into new things I’ve been dying to jump into ice cold water no one wants to do white ppl shit with me sometimes I rlly question my own judgements too cause I’m like am I doing to much? But I feel like people don’t do enough to live life, why waste time thinking about other’s judgements when we’re all going to die and judge each other while dying anyway, fuck it make that corny joke no one will remember anyway. Live laugh love is something I never thought I would say unironically ive been starting to learn more about myself I’ve noticed i like to keep doors open in my house and I think that means I’m an open person and I always thought of my self as so I invite new experiences and people into my life easily sometimes trust can’t be a weakness but I think it’s cause I’m a pieces I feel so hard and fast I’m stuck in the past I’m very melancholic person I’ve also noticed I like to keep the windows open when it rains and take naps during the day and sleep in I feel that I’m leisurely by nature probably because of my genetics but I’m also a hard worker I think it might be because I’m a pieces into reverse is our specialty kind of like a Gemini but they get the two faced reputation while we get the crybaby narrative, I just hope my dad talks to me before he dies Botha my grandpas and grandmas are dead and never met them nor my cousins never stepped foot on my homeland it feels weird calling it that when I have no home to land on there isn’t that something I don’t belong neither here nor there sometimes I wish there was no oppinions on anything can’t I just exist why do I have to put myself in a box and be labeled something or someone isn’t that what Uncle Sam wants that’s how he gets his money by selling us an identity can’t I identify as human is that too bohemian to say ? Ooh here I go again labeling myself god shut up. I can’t shit up even if I try ahhh its 3:05 am and I still haven’t slept a wink I kind of want to vlog I have a face mask but I left it at home I wish I was 15 again at home on ft with my friends I understand why people don’t want to grow old and reminisce about the old days I rlly do but no point in that anymore anyways i will try to go to bed now

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 61 Transcript: What Happened to All the Pussy on Supernatural?

[intro guitar music]

C: Um, yeah, okay. We're good now. Everything's good.

G: Hello! My name is Grey.

C: And my name is Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen the show several times...

C: And I, someone who only knows about the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian! For today's episode, we will be discussing... [sings trumpet fanfare] Season 4, Episode 1: "Lazarus Rising," written by Eric Kripke, directed by Kim Manners. I don't know. Released to the ether on September 18th, 2008, a very very very important date for all of humanity.

C: It very much is. Also, we have a special guest today who you may meet later. And it is not just Castiel.

G: [laughs] I mean, it literally is Castiel, though. He's our special guest.

C: It is Castiel, though.

G: But also, we have another special guest. So wait for that at the end of this episode. [C laughs] Yeah. So, oh my god, Crystal. [laughs incredulously]

C: Yeah.

G: We're here!

C: We're finally fucking here. It feels too early, is the thing. Because, okay, you view seasons 1 to 3 as like, the prequel to Supernatural. I view seasons 1 to 3 as Supernatural Part 1, and then Cas as Supernatural Part 2. And it's like, "Wow! How are we already in Supernatural Part 2 after a year?" [G laughs] It may be like, 3 times longer than Supernatural Part 1, but wow!

G: Wow! Yeah. Oh, god! So, you know, I played- I pressed play on this episode, and immediately, I was like-

C: Screaming.

G: - the most happy I've ever been watching Supernatural for this podcast. Which, like, is so amazing to me because when we started this podcast, I was a person of vigor, excitement, joy, happiness [C laughs]... Like, I was so excited to start the podcast. And I thought that would be unmatched for the rest of the show. Like, just a couple of episodes earlier, we were talking about how Season- what is it? Like, Season 2, Episode 1 was the beginning of the end, and, like, everything sucks from here on out. And now I'm here giggling, twirling my hair at an episode, and I'm so happy! Like, I'm genuinely so excited to be here. [laughs] I'm so happy!

C: Yeah, I was so alive while watching this. I was like, reacting to everything. I don't even know how much of this is like, higher quality, and how much of this is like, me being so excited that I've decided to care about like, every moment that happens in this episode.

G: I was so- like, I was reciting the scenes as they happen. I'm like, "And then he's gonna come in! And then he's gonna say this line!" [both laugh] Like, I was so hyped up. Yeah.

So, do I even need to ask our usual question of "What did you know coming in?"

C: Let's still do it for the sake of format.

G: Okay, fine. What did you know about the episode before going in, my dearest Crystal?

C: Well, okay. I think the first thing on my mind was that, as of today's recording, I think, a few days ago, this episode won the Supernatural episode brackets.

G: Yay!

C: Meaning that it is considered the best Supernatural episode of all time. Which does make me a little sad that I've already watched the best Supernatural episode of all time, so it's only downhill from here, but like, also, it is pretty good!

G: It's so good.

C: So okay, what I know: It opens on Dean waking up in his grave. He crawls out. He goes to a store. He shoplifts Busty Asian Beauties. [G laughs] Cas tries to communicate with him. A bunch of glass shatters. Dean sees that there's a handprint on his shoulder/arm, and it's very horny. He finds Bobby, and they go to find Sam, because Dean thinks that Sam made a deal. Sam's sleeping with a woman who is Ruby, but says that she's a rando named Kristy, [G laughs] and she also decides to be a Wincest shipper. Sam gives Dean back the Samulet and says that he didn't make a deal. They go to Pamela to try to summon Cas. There are candles around. Her eyes burn out when she looks upon Cas’s true form. We see Sam exorcise a demon with his brain, and, like Ruby, come out from the back door of the building and reveal herself. And Dean and Bobby go to a barn to summon Cas, and he's there, and I have seen every second of the scene where Cas comes before-

G: Yeah.

C: So sorry that it's not new for me. But yeah, shooting, heart stabbing, "What are you?" Like, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition"-

G: Yeah!

C: "You don't think you deserve to be saved," [G laughs/screams] "Because God commanded it, because we have a job for you" or "work to do" or whatever. We see his wings. He's so beautiful.

G: Yes. So beautiful.

C: He explodes all the light bulbs, etc. [laughs] So that's what I know about this episode.

G: Yeah. And I knew basically the exact same thing. I mean, who doesn't? Who doesn't? This is the episode of Supernatural.

C: [laughs] Yeah. Get any person off of the street and ask them what happened in Supernatural Episode 1 of Season 4, “Lazarus Rising,” and they would say all those same words.

G: Yeah, exactly. What an episode. We shall begin. Let's start. Yee! I'm so happy! Like, it's insane. I didn't- I knew, obviously, that I was gonna be super excited to see Cas, but I didn't know that I still had it in me to be this excited. [C laughs] Like, I genuinely was like, "Well, of course I'm going to be excited because it's Cas. But the love for Supernatural has faded quite a bit after, you know, like, everything." But I'm here, and I'm so happy.

C: Yeah.

G: God bless.

C: God bless.

-

G: So we start with a "Road So Far," and the "Road So Far" song is "Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC.

C: Yes. Which I did not know before this, but I looked it up because I heard the line "knocking me out with those American thighs," and I was like, "What the fuck is this song?" [both laugh] But it is a banger.

G: It's a good song, and I love it. And I quit like- I like it. Yeah. So do you have any takes on the "Road So Far"? Nothing really happens in the "Road So Far." It's just a summary.

C: AC/DC sings, "She told me to come" while they like, do a Dean ass shot. [laughs]

G: [laughs] Really?

C: And I think that's correct.

G: Yeah. God. Yeah, so-

C: I also think that they fail to make Dean's death serious, because we have a banger of a song going, and it cuts comedically between the clock being at 12, and him getting torn to shreds.

G: Yeah!

C: Like, I am just dancing to this. I don't care.

G: When the clock was turning to 12, I was like, "Did they put that in the episode?" I don't think so, because if they did, I would have laughed so hard.

C: When they're in the living room, there's a quick shot of the clock being at 12.

G: Yeah, but they didn't-

C: [laughs] It does not cut between the time and him getting torn to shreds.

G: [laughing] It's not between him being fucking mauled to death, yeah.

So, we start off the episode with Dean in, presumably, Hell. There's like a red light, and he's bloody, and it's just his eyes, and he's covered in blood. And there's like, I don't know, like, heavy breathing or something. I don't quite recall. Was there screaming, or it was it just like, [imitates panting]

C: There were like, sound effects to indicate torture, but I don't remember what they were.

G: Yeah. And we then go to Dean in a dark place. He's completely surrounded. He's in a small, small claustrophobic area. And he tries to light up a lighter that he has, like, in his pocket, I presume. And then he lights it up, and we see that he's inside of a coffin. And he starts screaming, or at least try to scream, "Help! Help! Help!" But, you know, his voice is like, hasn't been used in 4 months type shit, so it's very hoarse. And then he starts knocking on the door, like, trying to bust it open, and then dirt falls on him. And then we go out to the light, and it's Dean clawing out of the dirt, baby! He's clawing out of the dirt. And it's a whole thing. Like, he's like, heaving, and like, pulling himself out. And it's a workout, baby. Because he's tired.

C: Grunting, groaning, whimpering, even.

G: Yeah. And then, like, he lies on his back. He's looking up at the sun. And then he looks around. He stands up, and he sees that he was in a grave with a headstone on it, and everything around that grave, like, all the trees around that grave, are fallen to the ground.

C: Yeah. And it's a really fun shot.

G: Yes, it's a really fun shot. The way they shoot this, it's like, close up to his face, and then it pans out, and then it goes in circle until it gets like, super high up. And I think it's just so fun! It's so good. And also, this is the brightest that Supernatural has ever been.

C: Mm-hm. This is true.

G: It's so bright.

C: And also in the zoomed-out shot, you can't really see Dean anymore. What you see is his shadow and then the shadow of the giant wooden cross over his grave.

G: Yeah!

C: So you just see those 2 dark silhouettes, and then all the trees fell around him, and it's a fun image.

Okay, Grey, you say that Dean's hair looks like shit this season, right?

G: And you're gonna say it looks the same! [groans]

C: No. I mean, [laughs] yes, it does look the same to me, but I trust that you're right that it is different. I think I'm curious just about the state of Dean's body in general. Like, you think Sam gave him a terrible haircut- [laughing] he gave Dean's corpse a terrible haircut before putting him in that coffin?

G: That's so funny. But like, I think actually, his hair in this episode looks alright. I think maybe it's later on in the season, he gets a haircut, and it's absolutely atrocious. [C laughs] Not sure. Like, it's okay here. So I believe you that he looks the same in this episode. [laughs] Yeah.

C: Second thing about Dean's body, I feel like people are usually buried in their nice clothes.

G: Yeah.

C: Like. society if Dean crawled out in a tuxedo. [both laugh]

G: For real! He was in a barong tagalog. [laughs]

C: He literally was.

G: Filipino Dean Winchester for real.

C: Yeah. And finally, the cross makes me emo because it's like, clearly like, hand-hewn, you know? So like, Sam made that with his hands!

G: Yeah, his brother made that shit. [both laugh]

C: On live television, even. [G laughs]

G: Yeah, exactly.

C: And Dean's not even religious, right? But-

G: Yeah, like, why the cross?

C: I mean, it's a fun image. And I guess- I don't know.

G: It works with the setting up the show.

C: Are there rules that like- Is it like, a way to honor Dean's death? Are there rules about how you need religious imagery at your burial in order to make it to like, Heaven? Are there rules? I don't know anything about Christianity.

G: No idea. I don't think so. That would be pretty rude.

C: Yeah, that'd be pretty rude.

G: "You can't go to heaven 'cause like, the cross isn't formed."

C: I mean, he can't go to Heaven, anyway. [both laugh] But.

G: Yeah.

C: And I think that opening on Dean being alive again is like, the only thing you can do for a season opening, but I do sort of regret that we didn't get an episode or two of Sam alone.

G: Yeah.

C: I would have liked to see it. But, you know, this is iconic, so I don't care that much.

G: Yeah. Truly an iconic scene. Like, this is where the story starts! He gets out of his grave! Like I- ah! I'm so- I'm so, so so so excited.

But we get the title card, and as we say, we talk about the title card every beginning of the season. So, title card. It's just flappy angel wings. What are the thoughts?

C: Yeah. I like it better than the Season 3 one because it's less shiny, metallic, whatever. It's a bit boring, but like, I'm glad that they decided that they were gonna have angel wings, because it's true, they are the most important part of this season.

G: Yeah. I mean, that's pretty much it, right? Also, like, I think I'll bring it up here, the first- after Dean goes, "Help! Help! Help!" like, trying to get out of the coffin, he is just quiet. That's- The first few minutes of this episode is just completely silent, minus the occasional droning music that's quite ominous, which, you know, we see in this first scene. And I think it's such a good choice that it's just gonna be quiet. No background music, no anything. He's just walking around. It sets the tone very much so for, like, what they're trying to do this scene, which is like, he's in a place he doesn't recognize, in a time he doesn't recognize. What even happened to Earth? Did Lilith destroy it already? like, -type shit.

C: Right.

G: And it's just so good. It's such a good choice, and I love it so much. And it makes the subsequent scene where Cas, or like, you know, the radio and everything starts acting up even more powerful because it's like, suddenly this loud, loud, loud noise in a quiet place.

C: I did not even consider that Dean woke up and would think that maybe the earth had been destroyed, but, like, you're right. The viewers and Dean at this time don't know. And it didn't even hit me until Bobby reassured Dean that Sam was probably alive that like, when Dean woke up, he probably thought that Sam was dead.

G: Yeah. Like, imagine selling your soul to save your brother, and then the minute you die, he dies? Like, fuck my life!

C: True. Imagine selling your soul to save the guy that you like, and then, 3 weeks after you die for him, he gets killed by a rusty nail. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. RIP.

-

C: So we cut to Dean walking to some gas station, and he looks like shit. [G laughs] He's walking pussy out with like, a jacket tied around his waist.

G: A la 2016 Grey!

C: Yeah, I mean I am often a jacket-tied-around-my-waist person too, but I like to believe that I look better than he does doing it.

So he gets to this abandoned gas station, and he breaks in to get water and supplies. He notices from the newspaper that it's September 18th, 2008, so it's been 4 months.

G: First of all- It's been 4 months. But first of all, he grabs the water bottle and gulps it down-

C: Just like Cas.

G: - And this is a scene that is frequently giffed that is frequently giffed as like, a horny scene or whatever. [laughs]

C: There's also- you know when there's the scene where Cas drinks a bottle of water, and someone edited it to have him gulping on a dick? [G laughs] Have people done the same with this scene?

G: No, I think in this scene, when he puts down the water bottle, he's like, breathing heavily, and people are like, "Oh, he looks like he's getting blown or something."

C: Ah. Huh. Probably? [G laughs] I don't recall. But good for them.

G: [laughing] That Cas fucking gif is so funny as shit! It's so funny!

C: Fucking gulp that down. So true.

G: Anyway.

C: So Dean's in front of a mirror washing up, and then he pulls up his shirt and sees that he got top surgery!

G: Well, he got top surgery, and also, like, he doesn't have a six-pack. He has a soft tummy! I love that so much. Love it.

C: That's true. I didn't notice that because that was normal, [G laughs] but you're right. Like, every time Jared Padalecki is shirtless on here, they like, force him to suck his stomach in and shit.

G: Yeah, dehydrated for 5 days, baby! [both laugh] But like, with Dean, he has a tummy, and that's so cute.

C: So there's like, flashes between, like, his chest getting ripped open, and, like his un-scarred abdomen now. So Dean's like, "Man, what happened?" And then he turns a little and pulls up his sleeve. And what do we see on his left shoulder? [both] A handprint!

God.

G: Like, for some reason, this scene surprised me. Like, I forgot about the handprint. I forgor.

C: You forgot about the handprint??

G: Like, of course, conceptually, I know about it and shit. But like, when they- because I was super excited. I was just like, "Okay, I'm just gonna drink in this episode." And then it happened, I was like, "Oh my god! The handprint!" I was so excited. And like, I don't know, seeing it awoke something in me. [laughs] What it awoke, I don't know, and I will not share. [C laughs] But, oh my god! He literally has a handprint of Cas on his shoulder.

C: Yeah. He does.

So, yeah, Dean's starting to get a bunch of food and stuff and putting them in a bag. [laughing] And then. He sees. [both laughing] A copy. Of Busty Asian Beauties.

G: Yeah.

C: And unfortunately, we're gonna have to derail for like, 5 minutes, [laughs] because I have a few things to say.

G: [laughs] Okay.

C: So. First, I think we've talked- Okay, me and Danica have talked about this before, and me and you have talked about this before. So some fun facts about the woman on the cover-

G: [laughing] Oh, yeah.

C: So, her name is Melody Demayo. She's Filipina, but in her career she usually goes by Mimi Miyagi, and the last name she got from like, the Japanese teacher in The Karate Kid because she said that she sort of wanted to hide her ethnicity in like, her porn acting and stuff. Which, yeah. So she's acted in porn and movies. She [laughs] was the publisher of a porn magazine called Oriental Dolls, which is now called Asian Hotties. And in 2006, she ran to be the Republican governor of Nevada.

Okay. The next thing that I have to say is, I want to talk about the prop designer that made this cover. Her name is Mary Ann Liu, and she is a Chinese woman. [laughs] And in a few books like that are companions to Supernatural, the things that she said about these are that the porn magazines are hilarious to do, and that because she is like- I think she said she's either a native Chinese speaker or she knows Chinese really well, all the words on there actually mean something. And then in the book, Fangasm: Supernatural Fangirls, the writers interview her, and her cubicle is, in fact, decorated with all the BAB covers that she's helped design, so she at least seems proud of this work.

So I think the thing that- the point here is that, like, both of- the two main people involved in this prop, like the model and the designer, are both Asian women who like, are participating in the fetishization of Asian women. And like, I don't know exactly how I feel about that besides "negative." Like, I don't know how much of a moral stance I'm going to take against them besides some amount of it. But like, I think what this reminds me a little bit of is, there's a podcast called Sex Worker Storytelling Series by Coyote Rhode Island, which is like, a nonprofit or a group of sex workers advocating for sex worker rights. And in the first episode, the host, who's a Black woman, is interviewing another sex worker, who is an Asian woman, and both of them mention briefly that, like, they put their races on their ads because it helps them get more clients, and neither of them are very happy about it, but it's just what works. And I don't feel angry at those people the way that I feel a little bit angry at the two people involved in the BAB cover. But I feel like the main takeaway is just that, like, if you are in a fetishized group, the world is created so that in the short term, the profitable thing for you to do is to play into that fetishization and those stereotypes. And that's sad.

So Dean makes his pervert face at the magazine and flips through it, and is like, "Hmm, yeah, uh-huh," like, before he decides that it's worth stealing.

G: Yeah.

C: And then he starts trying to steal money from the cash register.

G: [laughing] You know what's so funny about this? Like, when he started- when he went to the cash register, my first thought was- Obviously, I've watched this episode before-

C: [laughing] That he was gonna pay for it?

G: - and I knew that he was gonna steal money, [laughing] but I was like, "Aw, baby's gonna pay for his- the things that he snagged off the shop!"

C: That's so funny. He was buried with his wallet.

G: I was like, "Buddy, he's fucking stealing from the register." I was like- I mean, good for him. Good for him, for real.

C: Yeah. And I think the funny thing about Cas choosing to communicate now is, I think, some people's interpretation that he was just like, "Oh my god, what are you doing? You can't steal! Stealing's bad!" [both laughing]

G: So real.

C: Yeah. So the TV next to him turns on, and there's static. And then the radio turns on, and we hear sounds and static. And then, things start shaking, and Dean starts freaking out, and he starts salting the windows because he thinks that a demon is coming for him. And then there's a very high-pitched ringing noise, and then all the glass in the fucking gas station fucking shatters, and he falls to the ground, and there's like, pieces all over, and everything is breaking, and it looks so cool, and that's my baby! My baby did that. Good for him.

G: It's so funny, too, because, like, at some point, he goes to the other side of the store that has more glass. [both laugh] Like, what is he doing?

C: Good for him.

G: He literally goes there- he literally goes there to get hit with more glass, and I respect that.

-

G: So he goes out after recovering from this nightmare situation, and he dials in the phone booth a number, and then it says, like, "Sorry! The number's unavailable" or something like that. And he just keeps on doing it until he hits jackpot and Bobby- he gets like, Bobby's number, and then Bobby picks up. And he goes like, "Bobby? It's me." And Bobby goes, "Who's me?" And then he goes, "Dean," and then Bobby hangs up. And then he attempts to do it again, saying like, "Listen to me, Bobby." And Bobby goes like, "If you call again, I'll kill you." And then he hangs up finally. And this entire scene is shot in a way where the camera is like, moving around him. And I was- I literally- Here are two things I wrote on my notes.

C: Yes.

G: "Am I delusional? But this episode literally looks like a different show." It does in this episode, doesn't it? Like, especially in that- in the first portion of the episode, it looks like a different show. I think maybe because it's so well-lit. And it's the first time, really-

C: Yeah. And the coloring, maybe, feels different.

G: Yeah, yeah.

C: Feels more brown and green, or whatever. Also, there's one shot when Dean stands up from the grave that looks absolutely atrocious. [G laughs] You know, when he's like, standing up, and it's of his face as he gets up or whatever, and he's covered in dirt, and like, it just- the way that he's framed by the camera, like, it looks awful.

G: Yeah. I mean, my next statement was, "The way the camera moves is so beautiful, like, what is this? Why are we in an A24 film right now?" [both laugh] So maybe I disagree with you.

C: Yeah, maybe.

G: I don't know why, but like, there's a lot of scenes in this episode where the camera is in motion in a way that, like, it typically is not in Supernatural. Maybe I just paid much more attention this episode, but, like, it looks different, it feels different, it moves different. Especially this first part. By the time they reach Sam, it starts going back more to what Supernatural looks like. But this first part, it really is very different.

C: Yeah.

G: Anyway, Dean looks at the side. He sees a car, and he hot wires it, and he goes to Bobby's house.

C: The shot where he drives off is shot from the inside of the gas store, and you can sort of see like, the sunglasses rack and the broken glass, and I was like, "Oh my god, that's literally Cas looking at him!" Like, "The sunglasses are Cas's eyes! Wow!"

G: Oh my god, that's so true! So real!

So he goes to Bobby's house, and like, you know, Bobby, hears knocking on the door. So Bobby opens the door, and it's Dean, and he goes, "Surprise!" And Bobby is like, "What is happening?" and he grabs a knife and he starts trying to kill Dean, or like, at least nick him with the knife. And then, you know, Dean is trying to say, "It's me! It's me!" And then at some point, Dean-

C: Yeah, states three facts that literally anyone would know about Bobby, including his name. [laughs]

G: Yeah. He says, "Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after your wife got possessed. And you're about the closest thing I have to a father." First of all, the first two, I feel like everyone in the hunting community knows. The last one... who give a shit. [C laughs] Like, that's not even a fact.

C: Yeah. Have we discussed the fact that Bobby is named after our least favorite director? [G laughs]

G: Yeah. The man who does things to our eyeballs on the reg.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Jesus Christ.

G: Bobby continues trying to hit him, and Dean is like, "I'm not a shapeshifter!" And then he gets the knife and holds it out and says, like, "If I was a shapeshifter or a revenant or whatever, could I do this with a silver knife?" And then he rolls up his sleeve, and, like, cuts his upper arm. And my first thought was, "Cas just fixed you! [both laugh] Stop this, Dean! Cas just fixed you!" But, you know, it is relevant to the plot.

C: Yeah. They do the silver knife test a lot in the future, and it's just like, can't you guys just get like, a silver needle and like, prick yourselves a little? Do you have to do all this?

G: Prick yourself, yeah! It's too dramatic. What if you nick an artery? Like, that's life-ending.

C: Yeah.

G: So Bobby's like, "Oh my god, it's really you!" And then they hug. And Bobby goes like, "It's good to see you, boy." And Dean's like, "Yeah. I woke up in a box-" and then Bobby splashes him with lube water.

C: Lube. With lube.

G: Yeah. The lube goes into Dean's mouth. So it went into Jensen Ackles's mouth, and he had to spit it out. That's disgusting! That's disgusting. That's disgusting.

C: Maybe it was flavored lubricant. We don't know that it's not.

G: Eugh! Eugh! [C laughs] Anyway, he goes like, "You know, I'm not a demon either." And Bobby's like, "Yeah, okay." And then they go in, and Bobby says like, "It doesn't make any sense. You were torn to shreds and everything." And like, he asks what Dean remembers, and Dean says, "I don't remember anything. I just remember being chewed on by a hellhound, and then lights off. And then I'm back from the dead."

C: Is that true?

G: No, it's not. He's lying off his ass.

C: Yeah, okay, he's lying. Yeah.

G: And he asks if Sam's dead. I mean, subtly. He's like, "Sam's number's not working, is he... what's he..." And Bobby's like, "He's alive, as far as I know." And Dean's like, "What do you mean 'as far as you know'?" And Bobby says that Sam has been impossible to contact recently because he's like, dead set on finding how to get Dean back and shit. And Bobby says, like, "We had to bury you." Which, you know, is a nice line. And Dean asked like, "Why bury me? Why not cremate me, or whatever? Burn me?" And Bobby says that "Sam just said no, because he was trying to get you back."

C: Something else that I found interesting here was like, when Bobby said that he didn't know where Sam was, Dean goes like, "You let him go off by himself?" and also "Bobby, you should have been looking after him." And I don't know if they ever had a discussion about this. But it seems like Dean just automatically assumed that his looking-after-Sam duties would pass on to Bobby after his death. And like, I don't know. That's an interesting character thing.

G: Yeah. Like, he cannot really imagine a future where Sam is not looked after by anyone in some capacity.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Sam is always something to be looked after.

And Dean is like, "Oh, whatever Sam did, I'm pretty sure he did something." And this is like our first red herring of the episode. Like, we just think that Sam did something to get Dean back. And like, the way this resolves is actually pretty cool. I mean, "cool" as in "I like the emotional thing that they got going for that scene." But, you know, we'll get into it when we get into it. And basically, Dean thinks Sam made a deal.

C: He says, "It's what I would have done-"

G: And he did do it!

C: Which yeah, it's what you already did.

To find out where Sam is, Dean calls the cell phone company and asks them to turn on Sam's GPS, and, like gives, Sam's fake name and Sam's fake Social Security Number. Bobby asks how Dean was able to know the fake name Sam would use, and Dean says, "Are you kidding me? What don't I know about that kid?" Which- do you think that Dean knows Sam very well?

G: Well, I'm gonna- It's complicated. Because, like, that's something you usually hear from a parent, right?

C: Yes.

G: Like, "I know you! I-" blah blah blah. But like, do they really? And like, I'm sure they believe they do. And I'm sure they know me in ways that I don't know myself because, like, my friends also know me in ways I don't expect because they're around me so much, and my parents are around me so much or have been around me so much in my childhood or whatever. But like, I don't know if that is true for those cases, and I don't know if it's true for Sam and Dean.

C: Yeah. I feel like both of them feel the need to hide a lot of things from each other, so-

G: I mean, obviously, from this episode-

C: Yeah. I believe that Dean would know Sam's fake names, and like, a lot of just like, trivia about Sam. But I don't know if he knows what Sam's thinking all the time and that kind of stuff.

So Dean notices that, like, Bobby's place is like, littered with empty liquor bottles, and he makes a joke about it. And Bobby just says like, "The last few months haven't been easy." And yeah, that does make me a bit emo. And also we know-

G: You know, my only thought in the scene was like, "God. Bobby's actor is so bad at acting!" [both laugh] Do you know what I mean? Like he's like, [flatly] "Like I said, past few months have been rough," or whatever he said. And I was like, "Put some heart into it, bro!" I mean, I know that he's Bobby, but, like, I don't know. It's just not convincing. It looks like he's acting.

C: Right. And I think, like, when he answers the door, he's well-groomed, his clothes are clean, his eyes are bright and regular, you know? Like, if he's in a giant depression/alcohol funk, the costume designers should put a little effort into it, too.

G: Yeah. Also, I just realized, have we ever seen Bobby without a hat?

C: Huh. I- Wait, when he's when he's interviewing a witness-

G: Oh yeah!

C: - in 3.01, and he's wearing the suit.

G: Yeah, love that. But with his usual getup, it almost never happens.

C: Yeah, because I just tried to imagine what the top of his head was, and I just created a giant like, bald spot in my mind, [laughs] because I don't know what it looks like.

G: And I think you're right, though. It is a giant bald spot.

C: Good for him.

-

C: So, Dean, find out from the phone company that Sam is in Pontiac, Illinois, which is very near where Dean came back to life. So they go track Sam down. He's at the Astoria Motel, and I like the look of this motel. Like, all the room numbers are on a heart on the door.

G: Yeah! Also, I want to say, Pontiac, Illinois is like the only place I know in Illinois, and it is specifically because Jimmy Novak is from Pontiac, Illinois.

C: Yes.

G: And I just think that's a super- such a fun fact. What is Illinois known for, anyway?

C: I don't know. Nothing? [both laugh] Jimmy Novak? [laughs]

G: Exactly. It is a Jimmy Novak place.

C: Yeah.

So they knock on the door of the motel, and Ruby(!!!) opens it, but we're not supposed to know that it's Ruby yet. And she looks so good! I'm just so happy to see her.

G: Okay, I just want to say-

C: Yeah.

G: Genevieve Padalecki, not that good as Ruby.

C: Yeah, there were some moments when I thought that her acting could have used a bit of work. [G laughs] But I feel like because she is Ruby to me, I'm just like, "That's just how Ruby is." [laughs]

G: No, for me, Ruby is Ruby 1. So this one takes- will take a while to get used to, I feel.

C: Yeah, that makes sense. And, you know, for fanservice reasons, and also to show that she and Sam have been having freaky blood-drinking sex up until now, she's like, only wearing a tank top, and like, cotton underwear or whatever. And she goes, "So where is it?" And Dean and Bobby are confused, and she goes like, "The pizza? That apparently two guys need to come to deliver?" She's soo funny. She's just the funniest person in the world. Like, she could not have known that- did she know that Dean was back?

G: No, I don't think so.

C: Yeah. She could not have known that Dean was back to life, and she opens the door, and she just does this. She's so quick on her feet. I love her.

Dean thinks that they got the wrong room, and then we see Sam! I'm gonna say something controversial. I thought he looked better in Season 3.

G: He looks so hunky.

C: He does.

G: He looks so hunky. Why?

C: It's just too much. You know, demon blood has a lot of protein in it.

G: Yeah, that's true. [C laughs] He's been doing a lot of pull-ups or whatever.

C: Yeah. Isn't there a scene where soulless!Sam is working out-

G: [laughs] Yeah!

C: That's like, incredibly comical to look at?

G: Well, I don't think it was supposed to be comical, but- I think it was supposed to be horny or whatever.

C: Okay. Good for him, I guess. There's a level of like, musculature and like, gleaming muscles at which someone just looks entirely sexless the way that like, there's like- that anime women with giant boobs are entirely sexless 'cause they stop looking like, real, you know what I mean?

G: I do- I do understand what you're saying. Although I don't think Sam looks sexless here.

C: Yeah, not here, but the soulless!Sam workout scene, at least what I've seen of it, is sexless and hilarious.

G: Ah. Well, I liked it because he was all serious and shit.

C: Mm-hm.

G: That's all I'm saying. I'm not going to reveal myself further. [C laughs]

C: So both of them are feeling a lot of emotions. And, you know, Dean says, "Hi."

G: Sam is like, breathing so heavily. He's like [panting].

C: Yeah.

G: He's so agitated.

C: Yeah. And Dean comes in, and then Sam yanks out a knife and tries to kill him. And Ruby's still being in character, so she's like, "Ah!" [laughs] or whatever.

G: "Ahh!" Yeah.

C: And Bobby stops Sam from attacking. and says that it's actually Dean. But like, before that happens, Sam reveals that he has no clue that Dean would be brought to life, and Dean's surprised because he thinks that Sam is the one who did this. And Sam's like- he's just so shocked, and he's so emotional, and he goes like, "Oh my god! Like what?" And Dean makes a joke about how he looks fantastic. And then Sam, like, sort of just like, launches himself at Dean to hug him, and yeah, everyone's teary and shit. And then, when they stop hugging, it's shot so that you can see that Ruby's standing behind them, in between them. [laughs] And she goes, "So are you two, like, together?" And okay. There's like, two Wincest shoutouts in this episode, which is too many. But this was very funny, and she's so funny for doing this. So I forgive this one.

G: What's the second one?

C: When Pamela invites them to a threesome.

G: Yeah, but Dean explicitly says like, "You're not invited." But yeah, I suppose the Pamela part-

C: Oh, yeah, I know. I just mean that anything still counts.

G: Yeah.

C: Because it's not like Sam goes, "Yes, we are." [laughs] Like, this is also something that ends with denial.

G: Yeah. [laughing]

C: Yeah. [laughing] Sorry, why am I saying "denial"? The truth, which is that they are not together.

So Sam's like, "Oh, no. Like, that's my brother." What is going through Sam's head right now? [laughing] Like, he knows that Ruby knows that this is Dean.

G: Yeah.

C: Does he think she's being so fucking funny right now? Because she is.

G: She is.

C: Yeah, and Ruby's like, "Uh, okay. Well, I should probably go."

-

G: So Ruby leaves, and they do a whole bit where she goes, "So call me." And Sam's like, "Yeah, sure thing, Katie." And like, Ruby pretends to be disappointed by this, and she's like, "It's Kristy." [C laughs] And like, Sam's like, "Okay." Okay. It's so funny! She's so fucking funny.

C: She's just the funniest person in perhaps the entire entire world. Also, she's wearing like, a blue flannel or something, which is not Ruby's usual getup, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Like, she's usually like, plain shirt, and then a [both] leather jacket. She did not know that Dean was coming. Like, were she and Sam doing some kind of a roleplay? Like, why is she wearing this?

G: She's experimenting with her style.

C: Good for her.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Sam comes back in and Dean starts grilling him. Like, "Is it you? What did it cost?" And, "You made a deal, didn't you? Don't lie to me." At some point, he grabs Sam, like, fully grabs him and says like, "Tell me! I'm off the hook and you're on! Is that it?" Blah blah blah.

C: "You're some demon's bitchboy?"

G: Literally. He says, "Are you some demon's bitchboy?"

C: Something's wrong with him.

G: He says, "I didn't want to be saved. Not like this." And Sam just says, "I wish I had done it, alright? I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell! I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, alright? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, alright, Dean? I'm sorry." This is a banger! I love this.

C: It's good. He tried opening the Devil's Gate. The thing he shot Jake like, 20 times for.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, what was he gonna do? He's just gonna crawl into Hell and get Dean himself?

G: Yeah. [laughs]

C: Or I guess he was like, "John managed to leave. So maybe if I just open it, Dean will get out." But like, yeah, no. This is definitely a banger. Like, the lengths that he went to, and like, acting is very good here. And like, does Sam ever find out that like- Well, I guess he'll find out in Season 5. But he does he find out before then that like, it was like 40 years for Dean?

G: I mean at some point, yeah.

C: Yeah. Wild. Wild shit.

G: Yeah. Dean says, "It's okay, I believe you. But if you didn't pull me out, who did?"

C: Dun-dun-dun!

Okay, I am a little bit- Okay, so I'm wondering Sam's motivations for wanting to save Dean. Because I know in later seasons, there are times when Dean saves Sam's life where Sam goes like, "You shouldn't have done it. I was ready to die." you know. So like, is it just specifically that he went to Hell that's like, the main issue here.

G: Yeah. I think that's it. 'Cause opening the Gate of Hell wouldn't guarantee that Dean would go back to his body. It would just get him out as a spirit, and then he could go to Heaven like John.

C: Oh, yeah.

G: So he'd still be dead, right? He'd still be dead.

C: So it's the torture.

G: It's about getting him out of Hell.

C: Okay. Makes sense.

G: Because now they know with Ruby what going to Hell means. It's like, you become a demon after years of torture and being tortured.

C: Mm-hm. Society if he opened the gate, and by then, Dean was already a demon, and then he like, fucking possessed Sam or something. That's a movie for someone else.

G: Well, he can't.

C: He can't?

G: Yeah, he can't because of the tattoo.

C: Oh, yeah. I think Sam would get rid of the tattoo if he- if Dean possessed someone else and communicated to Sam about it. Or I don't- do you think Sam would be the type to go like, "No, I have to exorcise you now." I don't think so.

G: I don't think so.

C: Dean would exorcise demon!Sam, but- Wait, actually, we see Sam and demon!Dean in Season 10, so I'll get the answer, anyway.

G: No, but that's different. Because, like exorcising, the demon does not- like, the demon is not Dean. It's convoluted.

C: Yeah, which is- I love when Supernatural makes sense. [both laugh]

G: Yeah!

-

C: We're still in the motel room, and Sam reveals that once he realized that he couldn't save Dean, he started trying to hunt down Lilith specifically to get revenge. Like, not because there's a war and she's gonna kill people. Like, just for revenge. And I guess we did see this in "Mystery Spot" where he dedicates his life to hunting down the Trickster after Dean dies, so like, yeah.

G: It makes sense.

C: It's good to know that stayed consistent. And Bobby says a line! He says, like, "You did that all by yourself? Who do you think you are? Your old man?" Which, ahh.

G: Ahh! Yeah.

C: God! I love it. I love it. I love Sam and John parallels. I love Dean and John parallels. John should parallel everyone forever.

And Sam seems genuinely chastised by this. Like, he's like, sheepish, almost? He's like, "Yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby. I should have called, but I was pretty messed up." Like, is this acting? Like, we know that he's been like, slonking on that demon dong. [both laugh] What is he doing?

G: No, I think he is sorry.

C: Okay, yeah.

G: And he has not lied in all this. Not yet.

C: Yeah.

But this moment, which I very much like, gets undercut by Dean finding a bra, and being like, "Haha! Yeah, Sam's been fucking and sucking." Like, how did this happen? Ruby left braless? She did not, though.

G: She did not.

C: Does she have 4 tits? What's happening?

G: Maybe she has an extra bra.

C: Why?

G: You know... I don't know, actually. I don't care. [C laughs] RIP.

C: Yeah. RIP.

So- it's just, every comedy moment that's like, "Oh, leftover panties, leftover bra," I just think about that scene in [both] Parasite-

G: Parasite, yeah! [laughs]

C: Yeah. The daughter like, leaves her panties in the rich family's private car-

G: And their family was like, "What even was going on?"

C: Yeah. "What kind of a woman would leave and forget her panties in the car?" And they're like, "She must have been like drugged out of her mind or something."

G: Yeah.

C: Like, no woman wouldn't leave their panties or bra like, in a motel room, unless they were like, just not very awake or like, aware of what they were doing. And Ruby was very aware of herself. So yeah.

Anyway, so Sam says that there's this group of demons, and very recently, they all like, swarmed to over here when Dean came out of his grave, and they think that these are connected. Dean calls the person who dragged him out a "badass demon." And he is badass. Cas is badass.

G: Yeah.

C: Bobby asks if Dean still feels like himself. And he's like, "Oh my god! No! How many times do I have to prove it?" Blah blah blah blah blah. Like, remember when they had a "Sam came back wrong" storyline for two episodes in Season 3, and then they decided to forget about it?

G: Exactly. That's what I was thinking about during this scene. Like, "Are they gonna do it again this season and just completely ignore it again?"

C: Yeah. And the answer is yes.

G: The answer is yes.

C: So they think that they should figure out who got Dean out so they know exactly what the plans are because whoever got him out probably wants him for some demonic plan or whatever. And Bobby says that he knows a psychic nearby, and maybe they could go and ask her about it. And I'm sad that they didn't bring Missouri back, but also I'm glad that Missouri still has her eyes, so [laughs] yeah.

And then we get- After Bobby leaves, we get a moment between Sam and Dean where Sam tells Dean like, "Hey. You probably want this back." And he reaches into his shirt, and he's been wearing the Samulet under his shirt the whole time, and he gives it back to Dean.

G: This is such a sweet scene.

C: It is. I like it a lot. I just- I really like jewelry as a way of holding on to people that you love.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, when I was born, my grandma gave me a little snake necklace, and, I think like, from fifth grade to like, eleventh grade, until the string broke, I wore it under my shirt, like every single day.

G: Aw.

C: And like- I don't know. There's just- wearing something every day and like, feeling it against your skin at all times until it's weird when you don't feel it. It's just such a nice thing when like, the jewelry is from somebody that you care about. So yeah. This was a good moment.

And then Sam asks Dean what Hell was like, and Dean lies again, says that he blacked it out and doesn't remember anything. And Sam's like, "Well, that's good."

Something about like Hell torture and stuff I feel like Supernatural misses- Like, later, we get characters who are in Hell for like hundreds of years. And they come out, and they're like, basically the same as they were before.

G: Yeah.

C: I just feel like- I would have difficulties- I wouldn't be able to form sentences if I was being tortured for like, so long, you know? I wouldn't remember like, how to drive a car. Like, you know? I feel like that is so many years. I feel like people need more of an adjustment period to like, being in the world at all, or like, believing that they got out. And I feel like we don't really see that with Dean here. I think that the only thing they did that was good related to that was having the first part of the episode be so silent that like, you can believe that he's doing a lot of processing before he meets up with Bobby. But yeah. 40 years is so long.

G: It's so long.

C: And it's not like there's no equivalent in the real world. Like, people go to prison for like 40 years. But like, they have an adjustment period, and Hell should be more so an adjustment period.

And then we get a final scene in the motel where Dean's just looking at himself in the mirror, and then he gets flashbacks to Hell torture again.

-

G: Yeah. So we go out, and apparently, Pamela is 4 hours away. So Bobby's going on his own car, and Sam throws the keys at Dean who catches them, and says, "I'll assume you want to drive." And Dean is so ecstatic about this, and he's like, "Oh, I almost forgot!" And he goes to the Impala, and he goes, "Hey, sweetheart. Did you miss me?" And he goes in, and he's so happy-

C: He needs to renew his drivers license. He hasn't driven for 40 years. He should have droven Baby directly into a tree after this.

G: Yeah. He sees an iPod with an O plugged into the car, like, to the radio. How does this work? Is there like a- what is it called? An aux cord situation?

C: Yeah, something like that, I think.

G: In 1967?

C: Well, the point is that Sam had to like, make modifications to install this, which is why Dean's so upset.

G: Yeah. And Sam's like, "It's an iPod jack." And he looks so happy that he has an iPod. [C laughs] And Dean is like, "You were supposed to take care of her. Not douche her up." And then Sam said something that I really like. He said, "I thought it was my car."

C: Yeah.

G: And I was like, "Oh, no, he really thought that Dean was dead!" I can imagine the entire time where he was like, "No, I'm not gonna do any changes to the car because what if Dean comes back? What if Dean comes back?" And then one day, he just goes like, "He's gone." And then [both laughing] just installs the iPod jack.

C: Yeah, I mean, these few months are like, very sad when you think about Sam, but also, you get just wonderful images in your mind. Like, him crying over the porn magazines Dean gave him for Christmas [G laughing], and like, sobbing about how Dean's dead and never coming back while installing an iPod jack in the car.

G: True!

C: God, he's so real.

G: Yeah. Anyway, the music starts playing, and I don't really know how to describe this song.

C: Like, country?

G: Punchy?

C: I said country. Let me- okay, so it says that the song is "Vision" by Jason Manns. So if I look up Jason Manns- Okay, it says that he's a folk/rock musician. Oh, this isn't like, a known song. Like, he doesn't have a Wikipedia page. He only has a Superwiki page. [laughs] And apparently-

G: Ah! Jason Manns! Yeah!

C: Jensen Ackles has sung backup vocals for him before.

G: I know this guy! I know this guy.

C: You do?

G: Yeah, he's famous- like, he's a Supernatural guy.

C: Yeah. Right. So they got a sponsorship from Apple by having the iPod here, and they got a sponsorship from Jason Manns.

G: Anyway, Dean rips out the iPod and tosses it- at first, I thought he was gonna toss it out the window, [C laughs] because I guess that's how I remember it. He doesn't, thankfully. He just rips it out and tosses it in the backseat.

C: Those things cost money.

G: Yeah.

They have a brother moment, a BM if you must, in this car.

Well, actually, it's not a brother moment. Because a brother moment was like, the scene where Sam was like, [fake crying] "I wasn't the one who saved you. I'm so sorry it wasn't me!" This is just a normal conversation.

C: The moment they're having is that Dean got out of Hell for 20 minutes, and is already calling Sam a sick gay freak. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Anyway, they're just talking about how Lilith wasn't able to kill Sam and he's immune or something. And Sam was like, "Yeah, I don't know who was more surprised, her or me. She left pretty fast after that." And Dean asks about Ruby, and Sam says, "She's dead." And then Dean asks, "Have you been using your freaky ESP stuff?" And Sam says, "No." [C laughs] And as Dean asks like, "Are you sure? Are you sure?" Sam just says like, "It was your dying wish that I don't use it, so I'm not using it!" And Dean says, "Well, let's keep it that way."

C: God, it's so funny of Sam to say that when he has been doing it.

G: He's literally lying for real.

C: Yeah, he's like- this is like emotional manipulation lying, almost. But I don't think that's his point. I think that probably like, every time he's felt guilty about it, he's thought about this fact, so like, that sentence just like slipped out because he was panicking a bit.

G: Yeah.

This is literally like lying to your parents straight to their face when they ask you, "Are you gay?" And you're like, "No? Never heard of gay people."

C: Oh my god, literally.

G: [laughing] Yeah.

C: Literally. It has happened- you know, like, after the first time they ask, like, you assume they'd let it go. And then, like, they renew the question every few years, and you're like, "What? No. I would never be gay." And they're like, "Okay, fine." Anyway.

G: Yeah. Love that

C: I love Sam's queer allegory. [both laugh]

-

C: So we cut to Pamela's house, and [sighs] Eric Kripke sure wrote this episode!

So she's here, and she and Bobby are close. Like, she hugs him and lifts him off the ground a little, which is fun. I- Does Pamela have more pronounced biceps than, like, an average person, or have I just not seen people's arms for like, 500 years?

G: No, I think she has really, really good arms.

C: Okay, good for her. And then she like, checks out Sam and Dean, but especially Dean. And, like, Dean starts flirting it up almost immediately. And she's like, "Wow! You just came back to life, and that makes me want to fuck you." So they go in, and she says that she wants to do a seance and do a quick little sneak peak at whoever it is. And when Pamela starts setting up, she has to like, bend down to get something, and then, you see, like, her shirt ride up and her pants go down, and you can see her ass crack, and like, a tattoo on her back that says "Jesse Forever."

G: No! You can't see her asscrack! You can just see the tramp stamp.

C: You can kinda see her asscrack.

G: You just see the tramp stamp.

C: Yeah. She has a tramp stamp that says, "Jesse Forever." And Dean- The camera like, fucking zooms in on it. Like, there's a shot specifically of her tramp stamp. And Dean asks about it, and she says that he was an ex. Dean says, "His loss," and she walks really close to him and goes like, "Might be your gain." I'm sick of Eric Kripke, I hate everything, and I hope he dies, literally forever.

G: I- Well, okay, what are you upset about specifically? The flirting? Like, every female character is like-

C: I just wish women could be normal on Supernatural.

G: Yeah, I quite like that she has a tattoo of "Jesse Forever" on her lower back.

C: That's fun, yeah.

G: I think that's super fun. But like yeah, the whole thing where it's like, "Oh, every girl that's on screen is like soo into the Sam and Dean. They think they're soo hot and they wanna fuck them soo bad" [C laughs] is like a whole thing Supernatural does.

C: Yeah. It's just really really annoying.

G: But I do like Puhmela. Or is it Pamela? I'm not sure.

C: I think it's Pamela. Is she- What else is she in? Besides "Dark Side of the Moon"?

G: She dies later.

C: Oh. [laughs] Well, yeah, I guess she would have to die to be in "Dark Side of the Moon." RIP.

Yeah, so Sam is like, so amused at this. He looks so happy and says that she's gonna eat Dean alive. And then Pamela goes like, "Sam, you're invited too, grumpy." And Sam makes like, another incredibly amused face, and Dean goes, "You are not invited." Dean said no to Wincest, and he's right.

G: He's right.

So Pamela, everybody, are seated down, and Pamela's like, "Alright. Take each other's hands, and I need to touch something our mystery monster touched." And this time, she slides her head along like, Dean's, I don't know, crotch area, thighs, whatever.

C: Yeah.

G: And Dean is like, offended by this, which, I feel bad. I don't like this. Like prior to this, Pamela is like, super fun character. And this, I was like, "Aw." But, you know, [laughs] I'm choosing to ignore it as part of her characterization, so.

C: Doesn't she also, in "Dark Side of the Moon," like, also kind of sexually assault Dean, though?

G: I don't know. I don't remember, actually. I don't remember.

C: Like, when they meet up, she like, grabs him and kisses him, and like, he just looks like, confused and surprised by it, and then she goes like, "I always wanted to do that."

G: Oh. So this is a character thing for her, for real.

C: Yeah.

G: Sad.

C: I don't think the writers view this as sexual assault. Like, I think Eric Kripke viewed like, Meg's thing in "Shadow" as sexual assault, but like, he's like, "If she's hot, and like, they generally like her, then-"

G: "It's fine," yeah.

C: "-it doesn't count as sexual assault 'cause they're just into it." Even like, when they're not into it and it's not clear that permission was given beforehand. But like, it is bad.

G: Yeah.

Anyway, Dean takes off his plaid shirt and pulls up his sleeve to reveal the handprint. Which - I'm so fascinated by this. The transcript calls it "the brand."

C: Oh. Hello. Okay.

G: Love that. Literally, he branded Dean. Anyway, Pamela puts her hand on the brand, and they start doing a chant. So it's like, "I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle!" [C laughs] It's a whole thing. And at some point she goes, "Castiel? [C screams] No, sorry, Castiel. I don't scare easy." And Dean's like, "Castiel?" And this is in one of those compilations where, like, "First time he says his name!"-type shit. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: It's literally it's the first time he says his name. Anyway, the table starts shaking, and Pamela's like, "That's his name! It's whispering to me. It's warning me to not look at it." Stuff like that. And Bobby says, "Maybe we should stop." And Puhmela just keeps on going- Pamela just keeps on going, and says, "Show me your face! Show me your face, now!" And the candles in the middle of the table erupt. And we see this really cool shot where like, in the candle area, so everything is on fire, or like, there's flames everywhere, and like, we're zooming into Pamela's eyes, and her eyes are burning up.

C: Yes. There's like, blood dripping from them. It is such a good visual.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Bobby's like, "Call 911!" and Sam does. And while Dean and Bobby are like, over the body, and she's like, "I can't see! I can't see!" I mean, at least she's alive. Like, that's such an intense thing.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Geez.

-

C: So we cut to Sam and Dean in a diner. And I guess I am annoyed that we don't see her again this episode, but like, I guess I'm glad she comes back, but not that glad if she just comes back to die. But yeah, this whole scene was just like, the Supernatural speedrun of like, "Woman with only personality trait being that she wants to fuck Dean so bad, being fanservice, and then being like, a victim of a horrible thing" [G laughs] all within like, 3 minutes. Good for her. [laughs]

They're in the diner, and Sam finds out from Bobby on the phone that Pamela is alright, but like, obviously, she is blind now. And Sam and Dean have a disagreement on what to do next. Dean wants to use Cas's name to sort of like, track him down and question him, and Sam thinks that's too dangerous, and he would rather track down the demons that are in town and ask them for information. So this waitress sits down, and she is about to have the worst fucking day of her life. Each member of Team Free Will is going to harm her [G laughs] during their own little moments. So she sits down, and Dean asks if she's angling for a tip with like, a weird smirk? [laughing] Like- what does he think is happening? Do waitresses sit down and go like, "I will let you feel me up if you give me money?" Like, what does he think is happening?

G: I read this as like, "What are you doing?" Like that.

C: Okay. Yeah, that could just be it. And she says, like, "Oh, sorry. I thought you were looking for us." And then her eyes go black! And then the two other people who are in the diner, their eyes also go black, and then one of them locks the door. So fun!

So the main demon talks to them, and, you know, she's being all sinister and shit. She seems upset that Dean got out of Hell. Like, "What makes you so special?" she asks. And then Dean says... definitely a line that sure exists in the world.

G: Yeah.

C: Which is, "I like to think it's because of my perky nipples."

G: Love that.

C: What- What does it mean? The humor is just supposed to be like, WTF humor or whatever is like the brand, but like, what? Okay, I mean, I guess it works because I am saying "What?" The Demon thinks that he's lying, and she also says that she's gonna drag Dean back to Hell unless he minds his tone with her. And then Dean goes like, "Oh, actually, you won't because you would have done it already if that was true. And since you don't know who got me out of Hell, but you do know that it's someone who's incredibly powerful, going against their will and putting me back could like, bring their wrath upon you. So like, you're too afraid to do anything." And she threatens him again, and then- [sighs] He is like- To prove that "No, you won't," he punches her in the face, or slaps.

G: Yeah. Punches her.

C: And then he does it again, and she still does nothing. And then he goes, "That's what I thought. Let's go." And then like, just to like, add insult to injury, like after Sam starts heading out, Dean takes like, a fiver out of his pocket and like, drops it on the table, and he's like, "Oh, here's your tip." I- [sighs] Put him back in the ground, right now. I'm done with him.

G: No!

C: Put him back in the ground.

G: First of all, people call it a fiver? That's so cute. Is it a tenner as well? Is it a tenner?

C: I have not heard tenner as much. I feel like fiver is the only one that I've heard used.

G: Yeah. Because like, the higher you go, the less good it gets.

C: A hundreder.

G: It's like, a twentier. Like, what are you talking about?

-

G: Anyway, like, they get out. And Dean, you know, reveals that he was scared as shit. He's like, "Holy crap." At some point, Dean says, like, "There's three of them there, and there ae probably more, and we only got one knife." And Sam says, "I've been killing a lot more demons than that lately."

C: Ooh.

G: And Dean says, "Well, not anymore." And he does a whole thing where he's like, "The smarter brother's back in town." And Sam keeps on insisting that they need to take on these demons because they're dangerous, and Dean is saying like, "We don't have to. They're as scared as us. So we're dealing with bigger things here, so we don't have to deal with these small-time demons right now."

They go back to the motel, and Dean is on the couch- is like on the couch or like, on the bed? He's sleeping.

C: A couch.

G: Yeah, he's sleeping. And Sam checks, and he's like, "Ah, Dean is asleep." So he sneaks out and drives away in the Impala.

C: I love with Sam drives the Impala. He should do it all of the time.

G: Yeah. Dean, like, is still sleeping, when suddenly, high-pitched radio- like, the same static as before, from the gas station, starts happening in this motel. It wakes Dean up, and then he realizes what's happening, so he grabs the shotgun, looks around, and then sees that Sam is not there. And then the high-pitched noise starts happening for realsies this time. And then his ears start bleeding.

C: Yesss.

G: First of all, I just want to say that this this motel is so funky. It's like, leopard print, and then red, which is so fun, and I feel like they should have done- After their reunion, they should have done a "Provenance"-esque scene [C laughs] where they look around this motel, and I don't care if it ruins the vibe. I don't care if it ruins the pacing. They should have done it.

C: I agree.

G: There's a mirror ceiling, and it shatters, and it rains on Dean, the broken glass. And his like, ears are bleeding, and he's on the ground. He's screaming as well, and Bobby is like, "Ah! Dean!" And he tries to pick up Dean and everything.

C: Yeah. The visuals of this scene are soo good. I love to see a character in a mirror, and then the mirror cracks.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, easiest symbolism ever, and everyone should do it all of the time.

Also, I'm interested in the fact that Cas only tries to communicate with Dean when he's alone.

G: Yeah, he don't give a fuck about everyone else.

C: He waited for Sam to leave, and then he like, did that. How much does Cas know about Sam at this point? 'Cause when they meet in 4.07, I know he like, calls Sam an abomination and "The boy with the demon blood."

G: "Boyy with the demon blood," yeah.

C: Yeah. Does he know at this point that, like, Sam is to be Lucifer's vessel.

G: Perhaps.

C: Yeah. So I guess maybe that's why he has a vested interest in talking to Dean without Sam.

-

C: So Bobby is driving his own car. Dean decides to call Sam, and we see that Sam is outside of the diner that they were in earlier, ready to kill some demons. And the two of them talk, and they're like, "Oh, where are you? What are you doing?" And Sam's like, "Oh, I went to get a burger." Dean questions him taking the Impala, and Sam calls it a force of habit, which I like. And then Dean lies that he and Bobby are going to go grab a beer. And then they hang up, having both lied to each other.

G: Yeah. I just realized the reason why Dean was not suspicious at all. It's because Sam didn't have the knife.

C: Yes! I love that detail.

G: Yes, I love that detail as well. "Oh, for sure Sam didn't go after the demons, because how could he? He doesn't have the knife." Uh-uh. Love that.

C: So Dean says that he didn't tell- Oh, sorry. Dean tells Bobby that he didn't try to tell Sam what they were doing because Sam tried to stop them from summoning the apparently demon who got Dean out. And he pulls out Ruby's knife, as you mentioned. And yeah, it's a great detail. Because first, yeah, Dean's not suspicious because Sam doesn't have the knife. And like, second, we know that Sam is there without the knife now, and it's like, a fun little taste of like knowing, "Oh, he has some other way of killing these demons now."

G: Yeah.

C: Quick question. What happened to just like, regular exorcisms?

G: It's too tedious, man.

C: Like, it's just easier to squint your eyes really hard and try to shit whilst taking your hand out than like, saying a few words?

G: Yeah!

C: Okay. [laughs] Okay, 'cause, okay. The powers- Is that exorcism or is he like, killing the demon but without harming the vessel?

G: I mean, that's exorcism as well.

C: No, exorcism sends them back to- the Colt sends them to the Empty.

G: No, no, he specifically says here that this demon is going back to Hell, so.

C: So literally, what's the point? Can't he-

G: He could get a clip-on speaker [C laughs] that's just playing the exorcism non-stop, and it would have the same effect.

C: Yeah, like, actually like what's the point?

G: Yeah.

C: I don't get it. Maybe we'll find out later. I don't- apparently, some demons have like, enough power that like, exorcisms don't work on them? Is that a thing?

G: Yeah, I'm not sure. Also, it develops to be able to kill.

C: Oh, okay, so like, if he like, continues being more powerful, like, eventually he'll send their asses to the Empty.

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. Then I guess that's fine. Right now, this is kind of silly.

So we see that Sam breaks into the diner, and there's a song playing on the jukebox, which I very like for the vibe. I think in like 2.21, there's also like, a diner violence scene, where, like, they see a bunch of corpses, and there's a jukebox song playing, and it's a good aesthetic.

So he goes in, and there's like- one of the demons is like dead on the floor, and when Sam turns him over, his eyes are burned out and bleeding the way that Pamela's were. And then the waitress from earlier attacks him, and her eyes are also burned out. It's a very fun visual. And she says that she could tell it was Sam, because she can smell his soul a mile away. And she's like sobbing about how she saw "it." And whatever like, came to her is "the end." And she says, "We're dead. We're all dead." Agh, I love the build up in this episode. Like, all the fucking suspense. And then Cas like, delivers. He really does.

G: Yeah!

C: And Sam's like, "Go to Hell." And then we get the first time that Sam uses his power on screen. He's like- I don't know. Like, he closes his eyes and reaches a hand out, and he has like- he's shaking with effort or like whatever, and like, she starts like like choking and coughing up black smoke and struggling-

G: Yeah! She's like- she's almost- you think she's gonna vomit, but she's vomiting smoke, and that's super cool. Like, that's the first time we see a demon get un- like, get exorcised in that way, right?

C: Yeah.

G: Because the other ones are like, just screaming, crying, and then like, "Ahh!" like fully expelling it like that. But this one is like, it's so physical. Like, it's so connected to her body. And I like that.

C: Yeah. Yeah. I like it also. And she collapses, and the first thing Sam does when he opens his eyes is go over and check if the vessel is still alive, but she isn't. And Sam goes, "Dammit." And then the doors to the kitchen opens, and who comes out but Ruby, who we thought was Kristy before! And she's like, in her leather jacket getup now, so she's more familiar. And she goes like, "Getting pretty slick there, Sam. Better all the time." And then Sam goes, "What the hell is going on around here... Ruby?"

G: Ahhh!

C: Which is the reveal for the rest of the audience. Agh. I love it! I love it. I love it so much. Ruby says that she has no clue what is happening and that like, what's happened is like, equivalent to the sky bleeding and the ground quaking. "It's cosmic." And no demon, not even Lilith, is able to do that. And- yeah, I've seen this scene a lot. And I don't think Genevieve Cortese is that good of an actress in it, but also like, who cares? It's fun.

G: Yeah.

C: And yeah. Sam is like, "What can do it?" And Ruby goes, "Nothing I've ever seen before."

-

G: So we go to Bobby, Dean. They're just setting shit up. And Bobby's like, unconvinced. Dean is like, "We've got everything here!" But Bobby's like, "And then what?"

C: You know what Bobby says?

G: What?

C: "Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe."

G: Love that! Love that.

C: Bobby said every religion, every culture!

G: He said "every religion," baby! And Bobby's unconvinced. He still thinks it's a bad idea. But Dean is like, "Well, should we start the summoning now?" And then they do.

Anyway, back to Sam and Ruby. [laugh/screams] We're getting near! [laughs]

C: Also, the diner's lighting looks so good because like, they're in the dark-

G: Yeah, they are.

C: But there's like, red light in the windows, like-

G: They're still there! I can't believe they didn't go out. It's like, there's dead people there. What if somebody shows up?

C: Yeah, good point. I don't know.

G: They'll just kill them? [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Anyway, so Sam and Ruby are seated there, and Ruby asks if Sam is ever going to tell Dean about what, you know, is going on between them. And Sams says yeah, but he's got to figure out a way to say it for real. And Ruby does this whole thing where she's like, "If he finds it out from anyone other than you, he's gonna be pissed, and maybe I should step back for a while. Because he's your brother, and I'm not going to come between you two." [C laughing] Good for her!

C: I love when women lie.

G: Also, this is manipulation, right? This is like, manipulation. I love that.

C: What? Yeah. I love it. I love it so much.

G: And Sam's like, "I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't even know if I trust you." [laughs] And Ruby just automatically goes, "Thanks." And Sam's like, [dramatically] "But what I do know is that I'm saving people and stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going." [C laughs] I mean, he doesn't say it like that, but, you know. [laughs] He's so dramatic.

So. We're here!! We're here, Crystal. We're here.

C: Yes.

-

[transcriber's note: about half of the "laugh"s in the following scenes are giddy and might be better described as giggles]

G: Dean and Bobby are just seated around, and they're like- there's like- the shot is like- I have every single shot of this scene memorized, but it's like, their legs, and it pans up to Dean who's like, "Ugh, what's happening? Did you get the ritual right?" And Bobby's like, "Fuck off."

C: And this is the moment that my notes transform from being in lowercase to all caps for an entire page. [G laughs]

G: I didn't even take notes for this scene. I was literally just watching it, reciting every single line as it happens. [both laugh]

C: Well, I got to take notes because I was literally like, rocking back and forth in my chair. like, screaming out loud, and then, like, pausing every five seconds and writing something down, and then going back to screaming.

G: Yeah. Anyway. There's a loud sound that starts happening. Like, stuff is falling on the roof. And then they position themselves, Bobby and Dean, and they're- and Dean says, "Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind." [both laugh] And then, the door busts open, and it's... It's Castiel!

D: It's fucking Castiel!

C: It's fucking Castiel! It's Cas!

D: It's the little guy! [laughing] It's the one everyone loves.

G: It's Castiel! [laughs] And also, it's Danica!

C: And our guest. Hi, this is Danica.

D: And also hi, it's me. [laughs]

G: Yeah!

D: I'm Crystal's ex-fiancee. Yeah, no, I'm here now, and so is fucking Cas. He looks so fucking good! It's crazy.

C: It looks so good!

G: Yeah, it's insane how good Cas looked in Season 4. Like, it's genuinely ball to the wall bonkers.

C: I know.

G: Like, the slope of his nose? Like, what's going on? [laugh/screams] Anyway. [C laughs]

C: He's just such a babygirl in Season 4! It's wild.

G: It is! He looks so young-

D: I'm sorry. I thought he looked kind of ugly. [laughs] Sorry.

G: No!! What are you talking about? [C and D laughing] Why are you here? [laughing]

C: Is it because his hair looks a little bit-

D: Maybe, yeah.

C: - messier than it usually does?

D: Maybe, yeah. They hadn't nailed the Cas look here. But I thought he looked cool, anyway. Like, even ugly people can be cool and awesome when the lights are blowing out.

C: That's true. It's true.

G: He looks so like, scrungly. Like, I know that's a Tumblr term, and not a real word [C laughs], but he looks so scrungly.

C: Yeah.

G: Like, his hair is a mess. His coat is too big. He looks tiny. Ah!

C: Yes. He does look tiny.

D: His eyes are like, fucking crazy.

C: I know! I know! [D laughs] [G screams] He has such big kitty eyes!

D: Yeah, exactly. The transcript just says directly, like, "The door bursts open, and a handsome man in a business suit and trenchcoat stalks in. [G laughs] Castiel." Like, so true.

G: Stop it! They call him handsome! They call him handsome.

D: [laughs] Yeah.

G: So it is factual. It is factually correct.

D: It is canon, yeah.

G: Yeah.

D: Okay, but yeah, no, he's like, fucking walking past all the like, demon sigils or whatever. It's fucking incredible.

G: Yeah!

D: And then, you know, Dean and Bobby try to shoot him. It doesn't do anything. Dean takes the fucking demon knife and stabs him-

C: Yes.

D: - and it doesn't do shit, obviously.

G: Yeah!

D: He pulls it out. It looks great.

C: Yeah. Well, they talk before that. Where Dean goes, "Who are you?" And Cas says, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

G: You know what?

C: And then Dean goes, "Yeah. Thanks for that." And then he stabs him!! Yeah?

G: Like, the "gripped you tight and raised you from perdition" line, like, I don't know why, but it caught me off guard. It's like the handprint. Like, the iconic parts are the ones that I'm like, "Oh my god! Yeah! That happens, like, for real!" And this one, when he said, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," I had to pause because I could not contain myself. Like, I was screaming, crying, moaning. [C laughs] Throwing up, even. Like, it was- I don't know! It's such a good line! Like, it's such a good introduction of a character.

C: Yeah. Yes.

G: Like, he doesn't say his name. He says what he did.

C: Yes.

G: And I feel like that is such quintessential early seasons Cas. Like, it doesn't even matter who he is. It just matters like, what his role is in the story, or like, what he is asked to do.

C: Yeah.

G: So like, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from peridition" is like, such like, "I did this service for you!" And like, I feel like, like, thinking about it, he started off as this character that's literally like, "This is what I did for you." And then, like, he ends off as like a character who's like, "This is what I felt for you." And it's like, I don't know. I love that! I love that so much.

C: Yeah. And ah, I just- I love his face 'cause, like, he's just making very few facial expressions as he's like, walking forward and getting shot-

G: Yeah!

C: And the fucking light bulbs explode. And he like, approaches with just like, such an open expression, I think, like, before Dean stabs him. Like, it just does not occur to him that Dean would-

G: Be upset! Yeah!

C: Distrust him. And it does not matter to him that, like, Dean is trying to hurt him, because, like, it means so nothing to him that, like, he's not even registering it as like, a hint of what Dean might feel.

G: Yeah! And it's like, I don't know. He's so excited to be there! [C and D laughing] You can see- like, he's excited to be there. Like, he's happy to see Dean. And it's just- I don't know. It's so- [sobs]

D: It's also just like- It's just such a fucking cool scene. Because, you know Supernatural, like usually, when they try to make a character look, like, supernatural, they have to use effects and stuff, like with the demon eyes.

C, G: Yeah.

D: But here, like, everything is so practical. Like, the lights blowing and the glass blowing. And like, it's so funny because like, this is all like, obviously like, prop weapons and guns, right? And they can just make him look cool by having him not like, pretend to fall down and die when, like, all this stuff gets stuck in him.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: It's the same deal with the wings. Like, they don't try to show it. It's just, there's lightning, and the shadow results from it. Like, that's related to it in a way where it looks so cool because it feel so grounded in like, reality. There's no like, special effects that change Cas as we see him. It's just like, "Oh, there's lightning." And, "Ooh, there's a shadow of wings!" "Oh, like he does-" His eyes don't change color, or whatever. He doesn't show off any power that is physic- that's visual. Like, he knocks Bobby out, but that's all auditory. Like, you hear his power, but you don't see it. And that just adds to the layer of like, realism in a way. That's why I think he's so realistically cool, as Danica said.

C: Oh, it's just like- right, it's just like- I think the vibe is more like, his powers and his form-

G: Is unfathomable! Unfathomable!

C: - operates on like, a completely different plane of reality from us, so all we get is like, little hints of what he can do, and that makes it seem a lot cooler.

G: Yeah. Yeah.

D: But yeah, okay, I've been like- I mean, I haven't been watching for the past three seasons, like, because, you know, I'm so awesome and cool, [C laughing] I didn't want to watch Supernatural until Cas showed up. But like, I'm kind of wracking my brain, and like, has Supernatural ever looked this cool and good? [laughing]

C: No!

D: I feel like even if it wasn't Cas, like, they've never even looked like, this impressive and like, interesting.

G: No.

C: No.

G: It has never looked this cool. This is the coolest Supernatural-

C: Blew their production budget on this scene, I know it. [D laughs]

G: Yeah! And basically, the next- [laughs] the next scene is like, Dean stabs him, right? And then Cas just looks down and pulls out the knife, completely unconcerned. Like, even, I would say, slightly amused.

C: Yeah!

G: He like, looks at it, and he's like, "Ooh! [laughs] I got stabbed!" [laughs] Like, he's so cute! Yeah.

Bobby, like tries to attack Cas, but Cas is like, "Okay!" and grabs the- I think the tire- this is like a car thing, right? The thing that Bobby attacked him with?

C: Yeah, the tire iron or something.

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cas like, touches Bobby's forehead and Bobby collapses to the ground. And while this is happening, the sound, as I mentioned earlier, is like, whispering like, Enochian or something. And it's super cool, because again, it's like, there's no visual sense that, like, something magical or like, something supernatural is happening, but we can hear it, and that's super cool.

C: Yeah.

G: And I'm kind of sad that we don't hear it in future episodes, you know? Like, in future episodes there's not much like, whispering whenever Cas gets knock- Cas knocks someone out.

C: Yeah. I also love these two actions so much because it's like, he like, just pulls out the knife like, the minimum amount that you would need to get it out. And then he just opens his hand, and it drops on the floor. Like, he doesn't throw it. Like- and then when he puts Bobby to sleep, Bobby just like, drops, you know? Like, these are both actions where, like, he's doing just like, the minimum, tiniest amount of effort, and then gravity does the rest, and it just makes him look soo cool and like, nonchalant, and he's just so good! [G scream/laughs]

G: Yeah. And it's- He says, [seriously] "We need to talk, Dean." And then he looks over at Bobby. And then he looks up at Dean again and goes, "Alone."

C: Alone.

-

C: So we cut to a little bit later in the barn, and Dean's checking on Bobby and Cas says, like, "Don't worry, he's alive." Dean asks, "Who are you?" And Cas says, "Castiel." [screams]

G: Yeah!

C: He's literally Castiel!!! [C and G laughing] [G screams] He literally is Castiel, though!

G: He literally is.

C: Yeah. And Dean asks, "Yeah, I know that. But what are you?" Racist. [laughs] And Cas says [C and G], "I'm an angel of the lord." [screams] [laughing] He literally is an angel of the lord!

G: And this is the part- like, this entire scene, from like, "Who are you?" "Castiel." Like, I have this entire scene memorized. I can recite it.

C: Yeah, you can quote it. It's soo good.

G: Yeah. And the entire time while I was watching this, I literally was just reciting it. Like, I was watching it, and I was like, [dramatically] "Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing." [C laughs] Like, at the same time that Dean says it. [laughs]

C: Yeah. So so correct of you.

G: Completely normal watching experience.

C: So, yeah, like you said, Dean tells Cas, "Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing." And I don't- I can't really tell what his expressions and feelings are right now.

G: He's seems so amused. Like, the only time he stops being amused-

C: Oh, I mean Dean. I know what Cas is thinking, I think.

G: [laughing] I do not care about Dean. [all laugh] I only care about what Cas is thinking.

C: This is a wonderful point.

G: Like, I don't- I actually don't know. Like, I think he's just more surprised, and, like, I don't think he prepared to be one-on-one with Cas. Because he was preparing for it to be a battle, or like, to have it be with Bobby. So now that he's talking-

C: Yeah, and to end with like, tying him up and interrogating him or something instead of like, this.

G: Yeah.

C: And Cas says, “This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith." And then we get the scene that is the most viewed screenshot on Home of the Nutty, where we see Cas's shadow wings. It's like- like, okay, we zoom out, and we see, Cas in his entirety against like, a wall. And then, there's a flash of lightning, and then, in that flash we see the shadows of like, these giant wings, like, come- like, appear. And then, like, flap a tiny bit. And then, when the lightning stops flashing, the wings are gone. And it looks sooo cool. [D laughs] I love the way angel wings are done in Supernatural. He looks so good! And also like, in the zoom out, we can see his trenchcoat more, and we can see that there's like, a little dab of blood on it, and there's like, bullet holes in it, and he looks sooo good, and I'm so sad that he repaired it.

D: Whose idea was it to do shadow wings? Like, who- Do you think they were going to do angel wings originally, and then someone was like, "No, like, that's gonna fucking suck." Or did Eric Kripke just like, come up with this. Like, all by himself.

C: Um, let's say Mary Ann Liu did it to like, redeem her a little bit. [laughs]

D: Yeah, okay, I'll assume that. I'll believe that.

G: Yeah, I believe it as well. [C laughs] To be to be clear, the wings did not flap. They unfurled. So like, yes.

C: Oh, okay, yes.

G: I mean, it looks cooler- it sounds cooler, "unfurl" than like, fucking "flapped." [laughing]

C: You're right. I'm sorry for painting an insufficient word picture.

G: Yeah! We are a respectable podcast.

C: Dean tells him like, "Well, you know, you're kind of a shitty angel because you burned out that poor woman's eyes." And Cas said that, "Well, I warned her not to look at my true form," which he did, and he says that his true form can be overwhelming to humans, and so can his real voice. "But you already knew that." So Dean realizes that it's- the gas station and the motel, the glass shattering and all that, that was Cas trying to speak.

G: And he says, "Buddy-"

C: And Dean calls him [C and G] "buddy"! He says, "[C and G] Buddy, [G laughs] next time, lower the volume." And I guess that will be his buddy.

G: That is his buddy.

C: And Cas says like, "That was my mistake. Certain people, special people can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. [G scream/laughs] I was wrong." God! He's so good, he's so good, he's so so good.

G: I just love that- I love that he assumed Dean would be special. And then Dean isn't.

C: Yeah.

G: I love that. Like, I genuinely love that because, like, you know, Supernatural, Sam and Dean show, like Sam and Dean have all the special blah blah blah. But like, in this one instance, he doesn't, and yet. Like, that's the point, right? Like, he's not special, he can't see Cas, he can't perceive him, and yet, look at where they go, you know? Look at what they become. And, I mean, it's been talked so much, but like, the whole concept of like, Dean can't even see him. Like, you can't even know him.

C: Yeah.

G: He's unfathomable. And yet. And it's like, it's just so good! And I don't know, I really like that like Cas was like, "Oh my god! He's so special! He's gonna see me for real!" [C laughs] And then he didn't.

C: Yeah, I mean, he knows that Dean is Michael's vessel at this point, right?

G: I mean, who give a shit? [C and G laughing]

C: Okay, you're right. [laughing] It was purely because he had a little crush. We can move on.

G: [laughing] Yeah. Yeah.

C: Does the idea that certain people can actually hear angel voices outside of being filtered through a vessel come up later in Supernatural? Like, does Jimmy hear Cas?

G: Jimmy hears Cas, yes.

C: Okay. So he is one of the special people.

G: Yeah.

C: So I guess, is being able to hear a true voice about about like, vessel compatibility, then?

G: No, I think Jimmy was just special.

C: Okay. Good for him.

So speaking of Jimmy, Dean asks like, "What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?" And Cas says, "This is a vessel." And like, he does a thing where he like, sort of looks down at himself, and he's sort of like-

G: And he lifts his coat! It's so cute!

C: - he lifts his trenchcoat a little to be like, "Ta-da!" And it's soooo cute, it's so cute. Ah! [laughs] So Dean goes, "You're possessing some poor bastard?" And Cas says that he was a devout man who actually prayed for this. God. Like, specifically this? Jimmy Novak is fascinating to me. [G laughs]

D: Yeah.

C: Like, "Here I am, a Christian man with my wife and my daughter, happy to sell ad time on the radio, and every night, I'm gonna pray that an angel fucking possesses me."

G: So real of him.

D: Like, he wanted a man inside him for real.

C: [laughing] So true.

G: Yeah.

D: Okay, if you think about it, like where even in the Bible- like, this is not a Biblical thing, right?

G: Yeah, I know.

D: So he prayed for specifically this. Like, he was just like [C laughing], "I think that angels probably need to possess people to be on earth. And I would just really like to be that. Just a totally empty, speechless vessel for God." Like, and he just invented that shit. Like, all by himself, as far as I can tell.

C: He did!

G: Maybe the prayer is like, "I want to be a vessel for good. Of Heaven. I want to be a tool for the plans of Heaven," you know? Maybe it's more ambiguous.

C: Oh yeah, people do talk about being a tool for heaven. Yeah, but like also, what if he guessed all of lore correctly, just by himself? [G and D laugh] He was like, "Wouldn't it be neat if?"

D: Yeah. He was just having a little think about it.

-

C: So Dean says that he doesn't like, trust what Cas is saying, and he says, "So who are you, really?" And we get baby's first head tilt!!!! [screams]

G: Baby's first frown!

C: Oh my god!! He frowned a little, and he tilts his head, and he's just such a little guy! He's just the littlest guy of all time! And he goes, [hurt] "I told you." And I remember when I first watched this scene on YouTube, like, this was the moment when I was like, "Oh, I'm a Casgirl for real." [D laughs] Like, just like, he just is confused. Like, he just straight up doesn't get it. He's like, "What do you mean? I told you."

G: "I already told you!" Yeah!

C: Yeah, like, "I said it. You heard the words. Why are you asking again?" I just- Oh my god, I love him sooo much! And it's- okay, like we learn later that Cas been on Earth before and he's had experience with humans before-

G: Yeah.

C: - though at this point, I think they're still just playing up like, the alien thing because they don't know that yet. And also, he's gotten mind-wiped a lot. But like, agh. I just love that he's just such a guy. He's such a guy. He is the autism creature, and he is such a guy.

G: From what we see of his experience on Earth, though, he's not usually with humans. He's mostly with angels.

C: That's true. He's not interacting.

G: Yeah yeah yeah.

C: Right. Which yeah, that brings up some fun thoughts about, I guess, like, angel relationships. I guess- because, like later, we pretty much only see Cas having like, a contentious relationship with angels in the future. But I guess, like, angels just don't lie to each other and generally trust each other, I guess, is what we're supposed to get from this. Like, the culture of angels and stuff. And yeah, they're all like, siblings or whatever, and they all like, sort of have a hive mind sitch going on with angel radio, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. So like, agh. This is just so fun that we get to learn about angels and shit a little bit by the ways that he's reacting to Dean being, in his mind, a fucking weirdo. And Dean goes, "Okay, yeah. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?" He basically says it like that. He's like, twisting his face up a lot.

G: Yeah. [growly] "Why would an angel. Rescue me. From Hell?" [C and G laugh] Like that.

C: Right.

G: And then Cas says-!

C: "Good things do happen, Dean." Ahhh!

G: "Not in my experience." That's Dean replying. He says, "Not in my experience." And Cas says-! [G and C] "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" I'm gonna- [D laughs] [claps] and die.

C: I think between "What's the matter?" and the second sentence, like, he sort of like, does a thing where- with his eyes where he's like making like a realization face, you know?

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C: Like, he thought of that, like, in the moment. Ahh! He's such an icon! Everything he does is soo good! I need to make out with him right now or I'll die! [laughing] Anyway.

G: Yeah. And Dean asks, "Why'd you do it?" And then Cas says the final line of this iconic, iconic episode. "Because God commanded it. [G and C] Because we have work for you."

C: [slaps desk] Boom.

-

G: I love it!

C: Ahhh!

G: I mean-

C: He's literally here. He's such a fucking guy.

G: Yeah.

D: Oh, wait, do you guys see the deleted scene on the transcript-

C, G: Yes.

D: - where it's like-

G: He talks about his cock.

C: Yeah, the one where Dean says his dick is gigantic? [D and G laugh] I've watched the footage of that.

D: Yeah. I love that they thought that was like, still worthy of a deleted scene. God. It's like an extra two seconds, and it's a whole other section on the transcript.

C: I know! Yeah. Okay, for context, what happens is that after Cas reveals that he's in a vessel, he says that "Finding a human vessel durable enough to contain me, it's not easy," and Dean says, [laughing] "I have that same problem with women."

D: And there's like a pause, [C laughs] and then Dean just skips ahead because like, it wasn't funny and Castiel didn't laugh.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. It's such a- I don't think I would have liked it.

C: Yeah. It would have been so annoying.

G: If he was like [laughs] [deepens voice] "My dick is soo big, dude. You don't even know." [C and D laugh]

C: Yeah, I'm really glad they cut that. What an Eric Kripke thing to put in.

G: What are our post-episode thoughts?

C: That's like, literally Cas. Like, he's there. Like, he's literally- That's him. That's my thoughts. The end.

G: Yeah. You, Danica.

D: So, you know, like, hbomberguy has that video about Pathologic or whatever.

G: [laughing] Yeah yeah yeah.

D: And he said one of the things on the game that's- [laughs] One of the things about the game that's interesting is like, when you switch playing from like, one character to another, it's like, one character is not- like, he doesn't do like, herbs and medicine and shit, so when he just sees like, a field, it's like totally barren. But when you switch to the other character, it's like, he just sees like, totally useful plants in there.

C, G: Yeah, yeah.

D: Like, that's how I feel when you guys are talking about Castiel. [C laughing] It's like, I think he's cool and all, but you guys are like, "Baby's first head tilt"? Like, what the fuck? [C and G laughing] Like- Yeah.

G: [laughing] Okay.

D: And you were like, "And he fiddled with his trenchcoat that one time-"

C: He did!

D: It's like, "I have no idea what you're talking about." [G laughing]

C: He did do that!

D: I mean, apparently, he did do that. Yeah.

G: [laughing] He did it on livestream! We saw that shit! [all laughing]

C: But yeah, no, that makes total sense.

D: But yeah, I do agree, yeah. Like, he is a cool little guy and all. So I do love that, you know.

C, G: Yeah.

D: And that was my entire thoughts about that episode. Yeah, like, he was also a cool little guy, [C laughs] you know.

C, G: Yeah.

C: Anything about the rest of it?

D: Yeah. Sam should have- Like, it would have been funny if Sam nailed the coffin stronger [C laughing], so Cas brought Dean back, but he couldn't get out of the coffin, so he suffocated to death, and then just went straight back to Hell.

C: [laughing] That would be funny.

G: Slay.

D: Yeah, I think that would have been a pretty funny 5-minute scene.

C: Yeah.

G: I think Cas would resurrect him, though. I think Cas would be like, "God fucking dammit."

D: Oh, just like, over and over again?

G: Yeah, like the cockroach!

C: [laughing] And at no point did he think that [D laughs], "Maybe I should take him out of the coffin"?

G: Yeah. Yeah. It's beyond him. He's unfathomable, Crystal. [C and D laugh]

C: Yeah.

D: True. It's like "Mystery Spot" 2.

G: Exactly.

C: Right, yes. But each time, it's just him dying in the coffin. Like, there's no new material.

G: Yeah. And he remembers every single one of them.

C: Yes.

G: Okay, my thoughts for this episode is, I mean, it's iconic. It's truly iconic, for like, a good reason. And- I don't know. I think it slays! Those are my three comments. [C laughs] So, yeah.

-

G: Best Line/Worst Line. I'll start with my best line, which is, "Certain people, special people-" where is it? "-Can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong." Like I said earlier, I love the implication. I love the whole "Dean is not the specialest little boy in this occasion, he's just a guy, and yet."

C: Yeah. Cas loves bug, bug loves Cas, etc.

G: Etc.

C: I think my best line is the one I said made me like Cas so much the first time, which is just the like, "I told you."

G: Yeah!

C: Like, he literally did tell him! Ahh! [G laughing]

G: How about you, Danica?

D: Yeah, you know what? Fuck Cas. My best line is, "It's Kristy."

C: [laughs] Yes!

D: Like, she was so fucking funny there. [laughs]

G: She's so funny.

D: Sorry. Sorry to "gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," and "I'm an angel of the lord." Like, she was fucking hilarious. It made me laugh. Like, she's great. I love it when women lie, so.

C: She's so funny. [all] Yeah.

G: Love it! For worst line, I'm not really sure.

C: I think- I just fucking hated the scene where Dean punches that woman twice and then leaves her a fiver. Like-

G: Yeah.

C: It just- like, the visuals of it are just- It's bad to look at a man hitting a woman repeatedly, and her doing nothing, and him getting like, a power kick thing out of it. Like, I know she's a demon, but like- especially because, like, she's possessing a waitress, and like, female service workers already go through like, so much harassment all the time. It's just like, eugh. It's so annoying. So if Dean said any lines during that scene, those are my worst. [laughs]

G: Real.

D: Can I also say that's my worst? Like, I feel like if he wanted- I mean, like, why- Like, I'm still trying to ask myself, like, why did he do it?

C: [laughs] Yeah.

D: Like, I know it's like to prove that he was invulnerable, but like, he could have just stood up and left.

C: Yeah!

D: Like, what is this for? Like, why was it even written into the show? Like, I mean, I'm thinking like- maybe this is like a self-hatred thing, because Dean knows that, like, he would have been a demon would this- had this fucky thing not happened to him, right? Because he brok in Hell, right?

C: Yeah.

D: So maybe it's like, he's upset with her. But like, I don't care? Like, fuck you? You know?

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

D: Like, I'm tired of trying to be like, "Oh, like, I'm sure this is like, some thing going on in Dean's head that he's like, upset about." Like, I don't give a shit. Like, if it wasn't on screen, and he didn't turn to the camera and say like, "This is because I'm a jackass and I'm sad about myself," [C laughing] like, I don't care. [G laughing] Like, fuck you, Dean. I don't give a shit.

C, G: Yeah.

D: So yeah. That also for me.

C: When you mentioned Hell, I feel like it's more likely that it's just like, "I got tortured a lot by demons in Hell, so I just hate demons extra hard now." But like, yeah, I think that the reading that it's self-hatred is more charitable than I would give him.

G: Yeah.

C: But mostly, I think that some people are just misogynistic to cope.

G: Yeah! [laughs]

For me, my worst line is, "These last months haven't been exactly easy on me, you know." I don't know. I thought it was so fucking corny, and I hate Bobby. [G and C laughing] I'm sorry, Bobby.

C: The thing is, until you said he was a bad actor in that scene, I did not actually read that as bad acting. [G laughs] I like feel like I genuinely was like, "Aw! The last few months were hard on him!" [laughs] But-

G: No, that was so bad.

C: You know what? I respect your refined taste.

G: Yeah. Okay. Spreadsheet, baby!

C: Spread those sheets.

Um, there's misogyny-

G: Yeah.

C: Because of BAB and I think also the waitress. So okay, right. We've refined our scale a little more for this season. So okay, 0 means nothing, 1 or a 2 means casual bigotry through the jokes, dialogue, or cinematography, and we decide between 1 and 2 depending on how severe we think the casual jokes are. And then 3 to 5 are just that, like, the misogyny, racism, or homophobia are intrinsic to the plot of the episode. And then, yeah, that should be decided on severity between those. So this is in the 1 to 2 category, I'd say.

G: This is like a 2, I would say.

C: I would say it's a 2. Yeah.

D: Yeah, like, we are literally- I mean, well not "we." But like, this is literally Busty Asian Beauties podcast. [C laughs] Like, that is that magazine. Like, I feel like it's like, an obligation.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: So racism. There was BAB, so that is automatically one.

G: I would say 1.

C: Yeah. I'd say it's a 1 because it's quite brief. And then, was there homophobia? I don't think so.

G: No, I don't think so.

C: Alright. Okay.

G: A zero.

C: So starting off strong with a 2, 1, 0.

So finally, IMDb guessing.

G: IMDb.

Okay, since Danica is our guest, and Danica, you do the honors. What's your IMDb guess?

D: Oh, yeah, I think 9.2.

G: 9.2. I think it's way higher than that!

C: Really?

G: I'll go 9.6.

C: Oh my- Really? Are people-? Huh. Because, like, I was gonna go 9, but like, now you guys are like, making me think I should go like, in between you guys. I-

G: [laughing] Statements that have been said multiple times. [C laughs] Okay.

C: I know this was voted the best episode by Tumblr. But like, huh. I mean, yeah, I guess it is good, but I- I feel like- I know some people don't like angel storylines later on, but I think that Cas's reception in his first episode was very like, positive. It was only until later that people turned around. So actually, okay. I'll go- I'll go 9.3.

G: Oh!

D: It's 9.4.

G: It's 9.4.

C: Oh!

D: You should have gone exactly between us. That would have been perfect.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: Well. Nice. Okay. So I guess- wait.

D: All the user reviews are so fucking funny. [laughs] It's literally just like, "The strong beginning to Dean Winchester." Well, that sucks.

C: Boo.

D: Like, "Will you send me an angel, like Castiel?" "The most glorious, magnificent-" [laughs]

G: [laughing] "Will you send me an angel?"

C: I mean, will you, though?

G: Will you, though?

C: God. On the IMDb, it just stars as Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, and Jim Beaver. Where's Misha Collins?

G: This one says, "Castiel, you are loved and remembered forever." So true.

C: He literally is loved and remembered forever.

G: "The most glorious, the magnificent, legendary character ever created. He is heavenly and divine character." [C laughs] So real.

D: He literally is. Okay, but also, the fact that the featured review is like, [G laughing] "Hell was a journey for Dean, but it brought him Heaven, parentheses, Castiel."

C: [laughing] Literally!

D: And that's the whole text of the review. [all laughing]

G: "And also the chemistry between Jensen and Misha, the harmony, is beyond great."

D: So real. And that was the featured review for this episode.

C: Do we have a Cockles shipper?

G: [laughing] I don't think it's a featured! It may be featured for you, but it's way down for me.

C: No, it's featured for me too. It's like, when you go to the review section, they don't show the first one as the one that you see. They show like, a random one or something, or like, one with the most like, people calling it helpful or something. And then, when you go on the actual page, then it's like, ordered differently or something

G: That's so funny.

C: I think that maybe it's the most recent one that's shown?

G: Noo! This one says "1 over 10. Introduction of the character that ruined SPN."

C: Okay.

G: Boo!

D: "Until 15.20, that is." [C laughing] That is so fucking funny.

C: "Cas, Misha, and his crazy fans, who see him as some kind of overlord, pretty much ruined Supernatural for over a decade." Misha fans did ruin Supernatural, but those are different.

G: But have we considered that Jensen and Jared fans have also ruined Supernatural?

C: Oh, yes. All fans of Supernatural ruined Supern- all fans of the actors ruined Supernatural.

D: Supernatural ruined Supernatural, like, Episode 1, Season 1, so. [C laughing]

C: That is true.

There's a review from November 21st, 2020, and it says, "He was an angel, warrior, hero, hunter, father. He knew pain, loss, disappointment, friendship, love, and happiness. And he died without any chance of a peaceful life. He died without saying goodbye to his friends and son. He died without ever hearing 'I love you.'" And then that's all it says [C and D laughing], and it's a 10 out of 10 review. [G laughing] But like, literally, he did die without ever hearing "I love you"!

G: Ah!

C: Ah!

D: There's not a single real review here. It's literally all just Casgirls, like, screaming. [laughing]

C: There are just like, "I like Cas." "I don't like Cas."

G: It's just that one negative review of the person saying that Cas ruined SPN. And then everyone else is 10 over 10. That's so real.

C: Yeah.

G: Let's look at the user ratings.

C: Oh, like the stats?

G: It's a 9.8 for females age 18 to 29. [D laughs]

C: So true.

D: Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what is it for like, every other demographic? Well, it's like basically the same.

G: No, it's like 9.435, 9.6, 9.4, 9.3. I think like, the lowest demographic is males age 45 and up, 9.0.

D: Oh no! The target audience! [C laughs] Oh, well. I see why they cut him out. [laughs]

-

D: I just have- You know that, like, "What happened to all the pussy on Supernatural?" thing, and then how, it is Cas is the reason. But also like, it literally is Cas. Because, like, I mean, you guys probably know this already, but, like, the network, was pushing for them to have a third female lead for like, up until Season 4. And it tried to be Jo, and they tried it with Bela and Ruby, but like- and then they tried it with Anna, right? But each time, the fandom was like, "We hate women [C laughs]. Like, we don't like these people."

G: Yeah.

D: So they had to throw in another woman. And then, when they got to Cas, it was like, they were going to do it with Anna, and then kill Cas. But the fandom was like, "We don't fucking care. We want Cas." And then I guess they just gave up after that. So it literally was Cas. Like, he eliminated the pussy from Supernatural. [C laughing] You know.

G: Damn.

C: God.

G: [laughing] He literally did!

C: Yeah.

D: Yeah. His power.

G: His pussy-eliminating power.

C: Some people are misogynistic, but not on purpose, and it's fine because we like them so much? [G laughs]

D: Yeah. It's just- It's insane how much he like, literally like, warped the course of this show. Like, they weren't gonna add like, a third, probably. Like, they probably weren't going to give Anna as much time as Cas, and they probably weren't gonna like, have like, him actually be gay at the end, or bi, I guess, depending on your interpretation. And like literally-

C: He's bisexual in my heart. [D laughs]

D: Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. But- like, they- Yeah, I have to stand by everything that you say because, like, you know, that's just like, bestie law.

C: Yeah.

D: But like, literally, the power of how deranged Cas fans are [C laughs] like, fully changed the show, like, in a whole new direction to like, be something totally different.

G: [laughing] Maybe that reviewer was right. [D laughs] Maybe Cas did ruin the rest of Supernatural.

C: Supernatural was already bad. Now it is good because Cas is in it, and I can look at him instead of thinking about anything else that's happening.

G: So real.

D: Yeah. So yeah, that's it. I just- He's really interesting for that, like, actual, like, real meta power he has that like, no other character, I think, has.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, I agree.

G: I mean, he came out as gay because people wanted him to be.

C: Yeah.

G: Like, that's for real.

C: They did a Tumblr poll on what Cas’s sexuality should be, and then they just did it.

D: Yeah, it was like a 49.8 to 50.2 poll. [C laughs] But they're like, "Fuck it. It's the last season."

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. Yeah. [laughing] I think that’s it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties. Next week, we will be discussing Season 4, Episode 2: "Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester." Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

C: Follow us on social media! We are on twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD. Thank you to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod. Also, check out our merch at babpod.redbubble.com.

G: You can email us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com.  See you guys next time! Bye!

C: Bye!

[guitar music]

[beep]

D: I just remember, like, the first time I was watching this- Like, this was when I was still pretending that I wasn't watching Supernatural to Crystal-

C: Yeah.

D: - so I could like eventually lie and say that I- well, not lie, but like, say that I watched the entire show after I finished. And so like, when I got to this point, I was like, freaking out, and like, screaming and crying to like, everyone I knew. Like, finally, I'll be watching a show that I enjoy. But like, when you just start here, it's like, "Yeah, that's like- that's just Cas." You know? That's like my friend Cas.

G: You think the reason why we're like this is because we watched Seasons 1 to 3? [laughs]

C: [laughing] We suffered.

G: [laughing] We suffered to get-

D: I think it definitely- I think the reward like, it definitely contributes to that, you know.

G: Oh, okay. Yeah.

C: Yeah. That's probably true. Though, I mean, I did watch this scene by itself on YouTube like, before I started watching any of Supernatural.

G: Real.

C: And I was still screaming about it. [D laughs]

D: Yeah, no. I was also screaming, crying, throwing up. But I mean, probably not as much as you guys, because, like, I'm not like madly in love with him.

C: Yeah, that makes sense.

G: [laughs] You're so normal about Cas, and I mean that in like, the best way possible. You're so normal about him.

D: I can't be madly in love with Cas. Like, that's Crystal's guy! Like, we can't share.

G: You can't share guys.

C: Yeah, exactly. Like, what are we gonna do? Cut my life-sized cardboard cutout of Cas [D laughs], which I do actually own, in half? [G laughing]

D: Yeah, we cannot possibly like, Solomon that.

G: Exactly.

C: Yeah. Wait, do the pod- do the listeners know about the cardboard cutout? I forgot.

G: No, probably not.

C: Probably, right?

G: I don't think we've ever mentioned it. Yeah.

C: Wait, really? Oh, okay. This was for my birthday two(?) years ago. What was it? Danica set up a thing where like, I like, went to like, one of my friends's houses, and then, like, there was like, a giant thing of cardboard and then, like, a giant photo of Cas standing that had been like, printed over like 20 sheets of paper. [G laughing] And then together, we made a life-sized cardboard cutout of Cas for me, where we taped all the paper together and then cut it out, and that was my birthday present that year.

G: [still laughing] There was- There was one, um- Wasn't there one occasion where somebody visited, and they were like, "Oh, you're a fan of Supernatural?" Because they saw the cardboard cutout? [C and D laughing]

C: Yeah! Someone visited my house, and they were like, [all laughing] "Hey, I just went in your closet, and there's a life-sized cardboard cutout of Cas in there? Do you like Supernatural?" Literally put him in that closet. [G laughing] And I said, "No, but yes, that is him."

G: [laughing] Stop!! That's completely- completely normal birthday gift.

C: Yeah, I do love how I like, sort of make fun of you for all your Dean-like clothing, but like, that's just you owning a leather jacket.

G: Exactly.

C: Meanwhile, I own this. But, okay, anyway-

[beep]

D: Doesn't Misha Collins say in like, some con or whatever that he like, has beliefs about when exactly Castiel like, fell for Dean?

G: Ew! Why are we talking about it Misha Collins?

C: Um, did he?

G: But like, did he? [D and C laugh]

D: I don't remember. I just remember it was like-

C: [laughing] I don't care, but what did he say?

G: Do you think it's like, in Hell? Is that what you're saying?

D: I don't remember. I just remember one day, like Crystal, was like, really upset, [C and D laughing] like, the entire day. [all laughing] And I was like, "What happened?"

G: Yeah, because?

D: And they were like, "Misha Collins said something at a con that like, I kind of believed, and made me feel things for one second, and, like, I'm really upset about it." And I thought it was like-

C: Oh! That he didn't realize until the confession.

D: Oh, that?

C: That the true moment of happiness was like, him realizing in the moment that he loved Dean and telling him. I think that's what he said.

D: Oh, maybe. That's kind of sad.

G: Stop. That's so corny.

C: Which is stupid [D laughs] and wrong and incorrect.

D: I mean, what do you think?

G: Wait! What did you say in the- in confession. Like, "Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell," right?

C: "Out of Hell," yeah.

G: So like, from this moment we are to believe it was love at first sight. But they were also best friends to lovers. But also, it was love at first sight. [C laughing] But also, they were enemies to best friends to lovers. But also, it was love at first sight.

C: Yeah.

D: Oh, just like, when do you guys think it like, happened? When he actually- like, do you think it was this moment?

C: No.

G: I don't think it's this moment. I think- I think love... Charót. [C laughs] Sorry, I'm speaking in Filipino because I'm so excited. I think love, like, I think for Cas, it's like, it's always been there, but the realization happens much, much, much later. Like, Season 6 later. Maybe even more than that. Maybe Season 9, even.

D: Hm. Like, any particular like, arc or scene, or just like, in general.

G: I mean, you know, human Cas. That's always been my take.

C: Okay.

G: Like, he realized his feelings during human Cas era.

C: Hm.

G: How about you, Crystal?

C: There's like, a lot of writing about how like, "Cas saw Dean's soul, and it was so beautiful because he was such a good older brother-" [D laughing]

G: Ugh.

C: "-And then he fell in love instantly." Like, shut up. [laughs] No he didn't.

G: I think love- I think people misconstrue love a lot of times as like, a moral designation.

C: Right, we've discussed this.

G: And I do not agree with that. Really? In the podcast, or just the two of us?

C: Not in the podcast.

G: Yeah. This is a normal Crystal and Grey fare of discussion, like, "What is love, even?" But like, I think people think that it's like, "Oh, because a person is good, therefore, I love them." And it's just, I vehemently disagree. And like, with Cas, I don't think he saw Dean and was like, "Oh, I love him because he's good." I think it's more of, "I love him, and I believe that he can be good"-type situation more than anything.

C: Yeah.

G: So what's what's your take?

D: My-?

C: I think- [D laughs] No, sorry, you can do it after mine.

Around the end of Season 4, I think, when he decides to rebel.

G: Oh yeah, that's a good one.

C: Like, I mean, I think that the main reason he decides to rebel is like, that he believes that Dean is right and the angels are wrong, but I think that in that, he also is like, "Oh, I like, care about this guy a lot, and like, I enjoy spending time with him and the way that he has changed me." So yeah, I think it's probably that. I feel like he probably realizes it around a similar time. I don't- he doesn't really seem like the denial type.

G: Yeah.

C: So yeah. I think human Cas is too late.

G: How about you, Danica?

D: I think they were just buddies the entire time. [C and G laughing]

C: [laughing] Soo fucking true.

G: True. I mean, you don't-

D: Yeah. It was just a friend thing.

G: Well, okay, to be clear to everyone, Danica watched Supernatural until Season 7, right?

D: Season like, 7, yeah.

G: Yeah. So she doesn't know everything. It's okay. [D and C laughing] You know? We don't have to go up in arms about all this.

D: No. Yeah, no. You know what? I think Dean was 100% in love with him at this point, and Castiel thought it was just a bro thing the entire time.

C: [laughing] Soo fucking true.

D: So that is what I fully believe, and I'm not even joking a little bit. Well, actually, I'm kidding. I'm fully joking. But yeah, I choose to believe and watch the show that way. Because I think it's funny.

C: Yeah, no. I do think the funniest posts I've seen are ones where, like, Cas is gay, but he thinks Dean is ugly. [D and G laughing]

G: Real.

C: [laughing] He literally is not into that guy.

G: Yeah, "He's kinda uggo." But also I love the idea of the Cas being like, "Ach... nae... But I love him." [D laughing]

C: Yeah, literally "ach nae." [all laughing] Yeah, no. The angels really think Dean is the ugliest guy in the entire world.

G: Yeah.

C: They're like, "Damn Michael, that's your vessel? I'm so sorry." [D laughs]

G: RIP.

C: RIP.

G: Okay, let's go on.

C: Yeah, um-

[beep]

D: Okay, wait. So when does Jimmy die again? Like, how much like, horrible Deancas shit [C laughs] does he have to be witness to?

C: The consensus is-

G: He gets killed at [G and C] the end of Season 4.

D: Alright, cool. So at least he wasn't there for "Bert and Ernie are gay," like, yeah.

C: Yeah, thank god. Like, literally, god. I- yeah. That poor man.

G: He was there for the crane scene!

C: The what scene?

D: True, and like-

G: The scene where Dean and Cas stare at each other, and the crew hired a crane to lift the camera [D laughs] as they stare into each other's eyes.

C: Oh, yeah, in "When the Levee Breaks."

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughs]

C: That's true. God. I mean, well, he gets out a little bit in 4.20- and so true, 4/20 blaze it. [G laughs] But like, he doesn't seem to- like, his complaints just seem to be like, the physical sensation, and like, being away from his family. He doesn't go like, "And I was told I'd be a vessel for good, and all I've done is stare at this guy's lips for 24 hours a day!" So- [D laughs]

G: So real.

C: - I guess it doesn't bother him that much.

D: Well, he was cool with that part. Like, that part was what he was praying for like, specifically. [G laughing]

C: So true.

G: [laughing] He wants to stare into a man's eyes?

C: Yes.

D: Yeah, that was his thing.

C: Yeah. And then he was like, "And now you guys are like, trying to like, do Heaven shit? Like, boring! [D laughs] Go back to trying to suck Dean's dick!" [G laughs]

D: Yeah, exactly.

C: So-

[beeps]

D: God, okay, I mean, this is like, not that important, and I've already said it before like a million times. But you have no fucking idea how crazy I was going when I was trying to pretend that I didn't watch Supernatural. [C laughing] Like, literally every single friend that I had that wasn't you-

C: Oh, wait, wait, do you wanna just tell this whole story from the beginning for the listeners? [laughs]

D: Okay, yeah. After Crystal got into Supernatural, I thought it would be funny if I watched the entire show, and then at the end of it, I was like, "By the way," to Crystal, like, "I've seen all 15 seasons of Supernatural," like before they even watched a single like, second. But like, I couldn't do it because it made me insane.

C: Yeah, what year was this? 2021?

D: Probably, yeah.

C: Okay, yes.

D: But yeah, I couldn't do it. Because literally every time I had a conversation with someone that wasn't Crystal, it was like, "Sorry. Like, can I use my allotted like, Supernatural minutes again [C laughing] to like, scream [G laughing] about how they did the horrible, horrible thing again." And like, it was not sustainable like, for the other relationships in my life. [laughs] Like, it was really quite bad. So yeah.

C: Yeah. You did mention having like, the group chat with all of our other friends [D laughing] just being like, you going, "Racist truck! There was a racist truck!"

G: Yeah. And there really was.

C: You finally broke your streak when you watched "Hammer of the Gods," was it?

D: No. Before then. I think it was the Season 4 finale when I was like, "I can't- I can't do this shit anymore."

C: [laughs] Uh-huh.

D: Like, when Chuck put his hand on Cas and was like, "Oh, you're like a good guy" or whatever. That's- yeah. I don't know why. It was just the straw that broke my back.

C: Yeah.

G: [laughing] I mean- I mean, you watched until Season 7, right?

D: Yeah.

G: And then you stopped.

D: But at that point, I was just directly screaming at Crystal, so.

C: Yeah, yeah. She had an outlet.

D: And then I stopped because, yeah.

-

C: Hi, guys. This is Crystal two weeks in the future. So the longest episode BABPod has had so far has been the one for "What is and What Should Never Be," which ended up being 2 hours, 23 minutes, and 45 seconds. So this episode, the actual length of it, as Grey has edited it to be, was 2 hours, 23 minutes, and 5 seconds. But I just think that our longest episode thus far should be "Laz Rising" because Cas is literally in it, so this is me talking for 40 seconds so that Cas can win, and gay people and love and peace on planet earth can reign triumphant- alright, I've made the mark, see youu.

[indecentpause]

Seven Snippets, Seven People

tagged by @kaiusvnoir to share seven snippets! I will do my best!

tagging for the game from my little list: @caspia-writes @inscrutable-shadow @imaginationxlost @nervousgalaxyllama @pinespittinink @shaicarus @whimsyqueen

no pressure! I know this is a big one, and some people might not have or be ready to share that much. you can always skip any game I tag you in! if you don’t want to be tagged anymore just let me know :3

also tagging my taglist under the cut, because there’s so much here you might like to see too!

cw: sex mention, implied bullying/abuse, panic attack

from The Black & Blues, mostly under a cut to save your dashes lol:

One:

For your fourteenth birthday, Danny gives you a denim jacket he found at a thrift store. It’s far too big but Danny just grins and says, “That just means it’s perfect for patches and buttons.”

You don’t know if you’re brave enough for patches and buttons. But when Danny pulls you into a hug and says, “We’re gonna get out of here. We’re gonna be okay.” You cling to him like a life preserver in a wild ocean, one thing steady in the turmoil and confusion of being a gay kid turning into a gay teen.

For a long time, you wear the jacket as is. To school, to the library, to the grocery store, to everywhere.

Your parents hate it when you wear it to church, but honestly, they’re lucky you even go without fighting them about it.

The punk kids at school begin to take notice of you. One of them, a tall, brick wall of a junior, always nods at you, and one day his girlfriend offers you a fist bump and she gives you one every day after that.

Two:

After school, Danielle, Dicky, and Crystal corner you in the back parking lot where the seniors park their cars. Their faces are worried and serious. It’s like an intervention.

“Meara,” Danielle says. “Please. Tell us what’s going on. Did something happen with your parents?”

Your eyes go wide and you push back against the brick wall, but it just gives them space to close in.

“I’ll slash their tires,” Crystal growls.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m staying with Danny, so I’m fine.”

“So something did happen.” Dicky’s voice is low and angry, but he stays calm. You’ve never heard him speak so quietly, and somehow, that’s scarier than yelling.

You’d promised yourself you wouldn’t cry here at school. In front of anyone other than Danny. You’re already a pathetic mess, you can’t let people see you vulnerable.

But even so, your eyes start to water, and you turn your head away and wipe at your eyes with your knuckles, pressing in hard as you try to regulate yourself.

Then, you’re crying, and Crystal has her arms wrapped around you like you’re a fragile treasure, and Dicky and Danielle whisper-yell at each other about what they should or shouldn’t do, but in the end, nothing is solved and nothing is better and everyone is angry.

You can’t wait to get out of this shithole town. Three years. Three years.

Three:

“[Danny]’s my best friend,” you say.

Kris hikes an eyebrow and purses his lips. “Anything else?”

Your smile must turn a little sad when you say, ‘No,” because Kris makes a sympathetic humming sound.

“But you want him to be.”

“You don’t even know if I like guys.”

Kris snorts. “Straight men don’t touch each other the way you two do. You’re too close, too casual.” He pauses. “Straight men also don’t listen to Pansy Division.”

You clear your throat and swallow hard. “Is it that obvious?” you ask meekly.

“I think you have to be looking for it,” Kris says. “But I know what repressed gay crushes look like. I’m aroace but I still have feelings for Austin and Sara in my own ways, and we haven’t always been together.”

“Do you think we need to tone it down?” Your voice is shaky now, and your eyes dart up and down the hall over Kris’s head. Who knows who might be listening?

Kris smiles kindly and shakes his head. “You do you, man. I wouldn’t suggest walking down the street holding hands with another dude or kissing one in public. But you should be fine.” He gently knuckles your elbow and says, “I won’t tell him. That’s your guys’ business. But I think you should shoot your shot.”

Four:

Because you’re so early, you and Danny get there first. Your guitar is already tuned, but you fiddle with it anyway, trying to ignore your nerves. This is gonna be great. This is gonna work. You’re all friends, and you can make something happen.

Danny appropriately plays the bassline from Fugazi’s Waiting Room as you, well, wait. You’re a good fifteen minutes early, so you have plenty of time for a panic attack in the meantime.

From out of nowhere, you start to get a little dizzy, your breathing gets a little uneven. Your heart is pounding. Maybe you really are having a panic attack.

The bassline stops and Danny carefully puts his bass down.

“Meara?” he says gently. You shake your head. “Meara, are you all right?”

“I think I’m having a panic attack,” you gasp.

He doesn’t ask why. He doesn’t point out that you’ve never had a panic attack in your life. He just takes your guitar and places it to the side, then scoots up next to you, so close your hips touch.

“What can I do?” Danny asks. “Would a hug make it better or worse?”

You sniffle and collapse against him, burying your nose in this shoulder. Sandalwood again.

He wraps an arm around you and pulls you into a half hug. “Hey,” he says. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. We’re all friends, we’ve all been playing for years. And everyone who will be here is nice, remember? Even if there is a disagreement, I think it’ll be fine.”

You nod, and you breathe, and it feels like hours, but the clock says five minutes have passed by the time you calm down.

Five:

You let out an exhale, not quite a sigh, and you say, “Well. I think that could have gone better. It was awesome to see people dancing, though.”

“Are you kidding me?” Morgan laughs. “I think we did great for our first show!”

You pull up your shirt to try to wipe at your face with the hem instead. “Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Meara, seriously,” Josephine says. “Morgan and I have done a lot of performances in our years playing. That was a really good reception for a band nobody’s heard of.”

“Here, you animal,” Danny says, handing you a gray and black checkered handkerchief. “Use this. Uh. Don’t put it in your pocket, though.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” you laugh.

“No, I just don’t think you share my kinks,” he grins back, ruffling your hair. It stabs you in the chest, knowing he’s still flagging for other men, but then, they’re not ‘other men.’ They’re potential partners. And you aren’t.

And he’s right. You don’t share his kinks. You’re not into bondage or S&M. It’s possible, even probable, that you wouldn’t be sexually compatible, even if you were romantically. Maybe it’s better for you. It’s what he wants, and he deserves to get what he wants.

You could do without knowing which pocket he puts them in, though.

His right, your brain helpfully fills in for you.

Six:

“Were you and your mom really close, then?”

“Yeah.”[Josselin’s] smile is sad but fond. Sad she’s gone but thinking about happy memories. “What about you?” he says. “What’s your family like?”

“I don’t have one anymore,” you say, and while you don’t mean it to come out harsh, it’s firm enough that he doesn’t pursue the subject.

“And now the million dollar question,” you say. He laughs a little. “Why were you homeschooled?”

“Oh.” His voice gets a little soft. “Regular school and autism don’t mix.”

It takes you a moment to understand what he’s saying. “You’re autistic?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Diagnosed when I was a kid. It took me a lot longer than most people my age to start speaking, and I used to have huge emotional regulation problems. But Mom always helped me. She helped me find ways to deal with a world that’s not made for me.”

A pause when the bus stops, and passengers get off, and passengers get on.

“Well,” you finally say, and you hope you’re saying the right thing, “I’d like to be in the part of the world where you are.”

He looks up at you again with that bright, bright smile and those bright, bright eyes.

“Me too,” he says.

Seven:

[Josselin] grabs a box and plops down beside you, and you go through some of his video games together. He has an N64 and a Super Nintendo. You didn’t really have video games growing up. Your brother had some systems but he never let you into his room to play. Danny’s family had a Super Nintendo, but that was more for his dad. He’d let you and Danny play; you just had other stuff going on. When you say so, Josselin bumps his shoulder against yours and says, “I grew up on the road, remember? I never played until Frankie and I moved in together last year.”

“Oh, so they’re hers?”

“Well, I’ve added to the collection since then. But the systems are hers.”

He finally digs out Pokemon Stadium, and, when you agree that that’s still okay, he grabs the box and leaves the couch and you miss his soft warmth immediately. God, you’re absolutely head over heels infatuated, aren’t you?

He’s just so calm, and gentle, and sure of himself. He doesn’t put on a front. He’s absolutely, unabashedly Josselin.

You don’t know who Meara is, yet. For years you defined yourself by your sexuality because you had no other choice if you wanted to stay safe. But now you’re Meara the student and Meara the musician and Meara the friend.

Maybe Meara the boyfriend, soon, if you’re lucky.

General taglist:  @ohsugarfoot @abalonetea @only-book-lovers-left-alive @poore-choice-of-words @leadhelmetcosmonaut @jasperygrace @drippingmoon @theschoolofathena @viskafrer @thelaughingstag @athenswrites @kaiusvnoir @magic-is-something-we-create

Black & Blues taglist: @winterandwords @lynnedwardswrites