#we’re done when i say i’m done.
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My notes app, wheezing, coughing blood: please. i beg of you. release me
Me, who Has to spend at least 20 minutes before bed writing about his silly au: contain my words, app boy. bear my thoughts.
#thought up a regency au like a year ago that i decided to take seriously a random day weeks ago and now we’re here#the note is so long the thing slows down when i type. but you cannot give up on me notes app. they literally just kissed.#we’re done when i say i’m done.#if anything this is literally just an OUTLINE. be THANKFUL i’m not derangedly writing a whole ass novel. for now.#it’s an actual telenovela in there i’m having so much fun#love my enrichment time (notes app before bed)#may or may not draw something about this who knows……#pyporapyposting
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#yes I’m saying devil and not demon#we’re not talking those demons in-game they get outsmarted left right and centre#I mean devils as they appear in other media. where outsmarting them is damn near impossible#and everyone thinks they’ve done it until the last second#when it turns out the devil was playing them all along#dragon age#dragon age poll#dragon age polls#poll#dragon age inquisition
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I’m so damn tired
#when I first started working whre I do I made the mistake of being reliable and efficient#and ever since then any work that needed to be done fast/that others didn’t want to learn was put on me#and it’s especially bad with one coworker who’s beena senior for years who kept delegating a lot of his tasks over to me#and I got super annoyed last week and then we had a chat about it#and he started started saying that I need to be more patient#and when I gave him feedback about his work ethics back he said ‘but I’m old I can’t learn new things’#💀#he also keeps saying that I need to learn to talk these things through with ppl (because I complained to my art dir rather than to him)#but then any work that requires collaboration with another department he always delegates to me#like I’ve never in my life seen him talk with ppl outside the 3d art team#it’s so tiring every time we’re on thr same project it feels like I’m doing work for two people 💀
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You know, it’s funny, because I was a non-Zionist for most of my life, and an anti-Zionist during my late teens and early 20s. But you know what? 10/7—and more importantly, the increasingly horrific reaction to it from the western left—has turned me into a Zionist, because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how “good” we are; how ethically consistent or introspective or selfless. You’ll justifying torturing, raping, slaughtering, and erasing us no matter what.
But I still want to thank you, anti-Zionists, because you finally made me realize something important: why should we have to live under your thumb of persecution and cultural genocide just to get your approval, anyway?
#of course I do think it’s important to define our terms when we’re talking about zionism so#zionism meaning the right to jewish self-determination and freedom from cultural christianity and islam#and more importantly—zionism meaning that israeli jews have the basic human right not to be tortured or killed or ethnically cleansed#(and a robust confederation or two-state solution that takes palestinian concerns seriously and treats them fairly)#NOT zionism meaning whatever cruel authoritarian nightmare bibi and the west bank settlers have in mind#they can rot as far as I’m concerned#i/p#my posts#antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#am yisrael chai#jumblr#can you tell that I am really done being told to assimilate?#like ‘be a good little jew and agree to live and die at the whims of your christian society’#‘oh oh no you have a culture besides celebrating chanukah? well that’s just not acceptable’#‘now denounce your entire people and culture or we’ll label you a bad jew’#‘but see you’re the evil oppressor if you don’t do exactly what we say when we say it’
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on reflection the fact that we didn’t see laena claim vhagar, and now didn’t see the moment addam got on seasmoke either? kinda annoying me
#hotd spoilers#i mean at least we got to SEE addam and seasmoke meet#like since the timeline started we’ve had three perhaps four dragon claiming and not cradle eggs - laena and vhagar; aemond and vhagar;#helaena and dreamfyre; addam and seasmoke; potentially aegon and sunfyre since it’s kinda fuzzy on exactly how that one worked#(i imagine similar to however laenor & seasmoke worked tho? that one is similarly vague)#(oh fuck and daeron and tessarion are in the same boat right? very young rider very young dragon but we’re not told whether this is a cradle#egg or whether this child just felt a pull to a young dragon or whether they were specifically allowed to choose that dragon)#anyways i think it’s really annoying we’ve only see that one (1) claiming esp when you look at the riders of the other ones lol.#also vhagar gets a LOT of action helaena and dreamfyre don’t get anything and they cut the one thing they did do.#laena is vastly underused altho i will give them that they at least on screen establish that bond which is more than u can say for dreamfyre#the seasmoke thing is also like. if you were Just gonna kill him offscreen so addam could ride him. what’s the point.#literally could have just had daemon kill him atp & just have him lie to rhaenyra or whatever.#i’ve really liked the dragon scenes we’ve gotten but frequently it’s like. u called the show house of the dragon.#surely you thought about how you were going to cheaply do the dragons or budget them in. why don’t we get more dragons.#‘well they’re expensive-‘ get an animatronic head to interact w like jurassic park. some of these characters rode their dragons every day!#okY i’m done bitching i can’t believe after i spent all of got going ‘fuck these dragons where are the wolves’ now i’m like#WJERE ARE THE FUCKING DRAGONS CONDAL
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#people are gonna be big mad when I say this so I’m hiding it in tags#lmao if you’re still a Ziam I love you I respect you and just… stop reading now lol for your health okay?#or unfollow and block me whatever just… CURATE YOUR EXPERIENCE IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY#but the DIFFERENCE between how Zayn talks about his daughter#versus…. well I mean do I even have to say it lmao#I’m watching the Zach Sang interview and it is freaking WILD#W I L D#and I just think people should maybe use critical thinking skills and wonder why that is#and! and! Zayn and Gigi have done a fabulous job drawing boundaries about what they will and won’t share#so don’t come at me with oh but Louis needs to be private#or some of that nonsense#because at no point does Zayn say things that really cross that line?#he just…. he talks like an actual dad#and I’m sorry I know no one cares and we’re in this and it doesn’t matter#but the difference - if someone actually cared to look and listen?#the difference is astonishing in my opinion#anyway#ignore this lol
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i spent my morning at the DMV and it was the absolute worst way to spend my morning, 0/10 do not recommend
#personal#I’m just here to ramble to get it out lol#I got there when it opened and it was a TWO hour wait#my anxiety was already high for some reason it’s been out of control recently#so I’m already just…shaking going in lol#and this woman cuts in line ahead of a huge group of us and I was next so I had to go in and say ‘excuse me we’re all in line too’#she was so nice but I was so nervous my tone was mean 😭#we waited in dollar tree#(their fall and Halloween decor is on POINT it’s so cute btw)#oh yeah— we meaning me and the beans lol they were with me#and they were being such troopers right until we went inside since we were waiting outside#I miss my que because of it and the girls are screaming and crying and I have this huge stroller and everyone is so obviously annoyed at me#and THEN I give a bean my keys to try and calm her down and she takes them and#sets off my car alarm#and this woman comes in yelling about my car and I have to say ‘YUP THAT’S ME I’m not going to turn it off I’m almost done here thank you’#😭😭😭#and then my picture!! I obviously look like I’m having a mental breakdown in it#I look like a thumb 😭#but it’s done#I have my new license with my new name#it is done lol#I def went to try car to cry 😭#I wasn’t mad at the beans though I felt bad for them 🥺#ANYWAY#Imma go eat a salad because my tummy hurts 😭
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I think on some subconscious level, I don’t ever want to finish writing this chapter
#this chapter kinda feels symbolic? like it’s the beginning of the last part and I have to introduce the final stage conflicts in both#plot lines and now things can’t just be intriguing any more they have to be satisfying#and I want it to be satisfying but I am so worried that the cracks in the story are only going to really start showing#and I can’t even say that at least ctb will retain its loyal readers when I am essentially resetting the story#like oh did you enjoy the tension of when time was going to reveal the truth? we’re done with that now#did you enjoy the three brothers plotline? that’s basically over#like this was the plan from the beginning and everyone already has a sense that the status quo is changed#but still!!!! what if I can’t write it good enough!!!#what if it’s shit because I’m the one trying to write it!!!#me rambling
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tried a really immersive power wash sim today
#I know I should have done the path first bc now I’ll splash the house#but I’ll do a second run at the house anyway#I did the gutters earlier today so we’re doing a full exterior clean#and when I say we I mean I lmao my mum helps how she can#but obviously I’m down here caring for her for a reason lmao#we’re getting a new door on Friday so mum wants the house clean for then#also love how you can tell how long I’ve been at it by the sun moving
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i always said that once i stop caring what other people think about me it’s over for you bitches and it’s finally happened i’m literally untouchable
#everyone else my age like oh i’m getting married ! oh i had a baby ! me i’m becoming evil#i decided months ago that i’m done i live in the worst place in the country or on earth even and these asshole people are not getting any#more out of me. i don’t smile at anyone anymore. i don’t make eye contact. i’m done with this place and these rude ass people#so today i was at the gas station and pulled up behind someone and got out and the pump didn’t work so i got back in#and waited for the girl in front of me to be done bc everywhere else had a line anyway#so when she finally leaves the asshole in the jeep behind me is yelling at me through his window and literally about to rear end me#and i’m trying to tell him that one doesn’t work so he’s still yelling at me through the window and i keep mouthing IT DOES NOT WORK#bc he simply is not getting and finally he sticks his piece of shit head out the window and LISTENS to me and i said it DOESNT WORK.#it’s BROKEN.#and i realize he thought i was just waiting to be at the first pump and holding up the line but i don’t fucking care#so then he goes. oh. and he gets out and i said you can try it but it says it’s broken.#monotone bc i’m not trying to be nice#and he’s like oh ok. then i take back everything i said about you in the car LOL#and i said. ok.#and he said nah i wasnt saying anything about you#and i said nothing#then he’s a fuck face so he’s all embarrassed and acting like we’re buddies now#so he’s like huuuh. usually there’s an attendant walking around.. and i say i havent seen anyone. not looking at him#and he goes huuuh usually they put a sign or something out that it’s broken and i said nothing so like#the slimy piece of shit he is he silently gets back in his car and waits and then i leave and i’m like#in this circumstance 100% normally my heart would have been pounding out my chest bc i’m afraid of confrontation and who isnt afraid of#men yelling at them but this time i felt nothing except anger bc why the fuck are you trying to start something with me in the fucking gas#station go to another fucking line if you’re in that big of a rush and also learn how to fucking read when it says pump out of order#before you try to fucking rear end me which go for it btw bc i have dash cams and anyway#i’m so fucking sick of living here and i’ll never get out#but. i’m proud of myself for not being afraid or scared and just dealing with that piece of shit straightforward
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yknow… I’m just gonna say this.
You never know what’s gonna happen. One moment, things are going one way, and the next, everything could change.
You never know what will happen, when something will happen, or how it could happen.
We’re kind of just… a bunch of little specks in this large universe.
but here’s the thing.
We may be specks, but we each do have a purpose.
A meaning.
A role.
So while something could happen, and you never know what, whether it’s good, or really bad, remember that you’re still special.
you may be a speck, but aren’t we all?
and we’re all important. Nobody’s useless.
So please, don’t give up because you feel useless. Because you’re not useless.
You may not know it yet, but you have a strong meaning here. You’re important here.
So please, never forget your important, and please, please don’t give up.
#random post#anyways sorry for the deep-meaning midnight speech again#I think this is like… the 3rd time I’ve done this?#I really just can’t sleep and the thoughts started rolling#and while it may not make sense to whoever is seeing this or to myself when I see this later#it is true.#you are important#whether it’s to friends online or irl#or your family (including pets cus they’re family too)#or just a stranger you helped one day#you’re extremely important. Never forget that.#💖#important#(also if the ‘speck’ thing comes off as rude I’m so sorry I was trying to say that we may be small in the universe but we’re each important#(like ants in a colony)#(…I should’ve just used an ant analogy)
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Whatever 54% is for the battery asks!! ✨
54%: “Describe how you like your genitals to be touched”
Ok starting off with a good one, I had to think about this one for a little bit but I think the most succinct way I could put it would be “gently.”
I fall apart for slow but deliberate movements in just about every form of physical affection, but especially if it comes to touching me in *that* way… I think I’d just completely turn into putty at that point. The idea of someone knowing I’m just aching for it and still going so slowly but deeply, isolating and stimulating my most sensitive areas both on AND off my genitalia… hgjfhf
#I know that rough fuckinf is very popular and I think it’s hot in theory but I dont think I could personally get with it#I feel like I have much stronger orgasms when I’m teased and/or edged#of course I still want someone to rail the shit out of me#but I mean it more in a ‘we’re done when I SAY we’re done’ way rather than a ‘fast and hard’ way#also I know this took a minute but I saw the question and got flustered thinking abt it so that. delayed me a bit#also this was written at 4 am so I apologize if any of it is incomprehensible
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If the landlord doesn’t want me fishing around in their shower vent and cold air returns, then they shouldn’t make them stink like rotting garbage. You painted over the screws so they’re hard to open? Cool. I’ll drill holes into them and get them out with a power tool because the town next to me is having a citywide garage sale and I’m sure there’s some Ryobi in there at a decent price. Your vents are coming off motherfucker, and if I find anything I swear to fucking god I am going to have both your vents and your bank account cleaned out.
#I also have a closet door that glues itself shut every time it’s closed… because they used fucking Mod-Podge to finish it I guess???#And the knob fell off when I pulled on it. So I stuck a hex wrench in there to try to use it as a handle#but I couldn’t grip it well enough to pull it open#so I karate-kneed the door on the side of the knob while pulling and it opened#As I’m talking about knobs… a knob is responsible for finishing this apartment#The cabinets don’t line up. The bedroom closet doors don’t shut at the same time#because they’re too tight in the jam and push the other out when you close a door while the other door is already closed#The cabinets in the bathroom don’t fully close because the hinges were drilled at an angle#The base molding looks like it fell off a cliff and was fractured in three places#SHIT-COLORED CIGARETTE TAR DRIPS DOWN THE WALLS IN THE BATHROOM WHEN THEY GET WET#Fuck you and your lease. If you’re allowed to have irresponsible carpenters and maintenance; I am allowed to responsibly burn incense#If people are allowed to smoke; I am allowed to burn incense#“No candles” fuck you for making me need to burn scents in the first place#Orwellian fucking apartment. Literally 1984. Not because of the rules; just because the apartment is a dysfunctional shithole#and it smells like the rotting remains of boiled cabbage just like the book#And if anyone asks me why I didn’t call maintenance I’m going to respond with my unresolved service request for the A/C#which conveniently broke down during a heat wave#Did it really break down or did the landlords cut it to save money? Like yes A/Cs break during the summer#but I wouldn’t doubt sabotage either. It doesn’t turn on at all.#The site asked what dates I’d like them to look at it. I gave my dates and said I’d be there all day. I waited at home for two days. No one#No follow-up until nearly a month later saying “We’re still getting to all the service requests please bear with us.” Oh thanks#You couldn’t have done that sooner?
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the other day while i was at the airport a couple sat down next to me and immediately broke up
#they were mid breakup on arrival but#i was DIRECRLY there for the ‘when we get home we’re done’ ‘we can be done RIGHT NOW’ ‘fuck you give me back my keys’#HELLO????#it sounds like she was cheating cause he kept saying ‘I know EXACTLY where you want to be!’#i was reading and trying very hard to Not Look#and like I’m Turning Pages At The Speed of Someone Reading and Not Eavesdropping
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My heart is soooo full of love guys
#I think sunlight is a drug#I feel like a new person#maybe it’s just a mindset shift idk#but I’m doing art again too!!!! it’s been SO long since I’ve done art on my own#and like actually attempted a project#and then improv was so fucking fun today#stilll thinking about Brophy’s character. he was just a lil caterpillar. he deserved better#and then Liz played an alcoholic mom who was AWFUL to her kid#and we were just silly and goofy and had a great lil time with this teacher#I love all my friends so much#they’re incredibly funny. honored that they let me play with them#I just have such a good life and I gotta remember that!!! for the winter#maybe. maybe I’m just Fixed and it’s not just that the sun is out#I have also been on a really really weird sleep schedule so maybe that’s part of it#but I feel like I’ve been waxing poetic about the clouds for like a week before my sleep schedule got changed#anyways#go outside and look at how pretty the sky is!!! and the trees and the birds!!! so many little birds#and also the people. all my friends are beautiful and lovely and I’m so glad they’re in my life#I even talked to coworkers I hate today#and I was polite and made conversation#(not with Karl. let’s not get too crazy here. he can go die)#but even fucking ******#I was nice to her even tho I dislike her#cause she’s just a person!! we’re all just people guys#except Karl. Karl can go fuck himself.#damn even my good mood can’t make me excuse him as a human being that’s wild#ANYWAYS all this rambling to say life is soooo good#things are gonna be ok. and even when they’re not we’ll get through ittt
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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