#we will not risk angering the polar bears

[bearotonin-international]

Actually do you have any Responsible Bear Programming for black bears? I feel like I rarely see pictures of them with an actual carcass (unless you count the “car-“cass of a raised vehicle)

not on Polar Bear Sunday we don't. This is a PSA for everyone, not just you friend.

Any ask you send on Polar Bear Sunday will be responded to with polar bears. Polar bears are EXTREMELY territorial about their day. The team is not foolish enough to invoke their wrath by posting non-polar bears on POLAR BEAR Sunday.

So if you have an ask that is for non-polar bear bears, we suggest you send it on a day other than Polar Bear Sunday, so that it does not get bearried in the mountainous heap of ever-growing bearotonin requests that is our ask box.

[gloomy0x0phantom]

ʚ 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞 ɞ chapter four

ʚ synopsis ɞ You haven't been able to sleep for a while, and Bepo has the solution to your problem. As you develop a friendship with the polar bear, you fail to notice the jealousy of a certain captain.

pairings : Bepo & Fem!Reader + Trafalgar D. Water Law x Fem!Reader

words count : 7.6k

content : fluff, angst, spider.

note : The return of classes delayed the publication of this chapter, but here it is at last. I hope you like it! o/ English is not my first language! Important : When I write that a character blushes, floats on a cloud, has hearts in his eyes, I'm writing it so that it reads like in a manga. For me, it doesn't matter what skin color or logic is behind certain reactions, it's clear in my head that it's really cartoonish. However, I understand if some people feel excluded, it's not my goal to limit you.

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[start of flashback]

The Straw Hats' adventure in Alabasta can be summed up as a race against time, the need to defy the clock to save a kingdom lost in lies. By offering their help to a princess in need, the crew gained a new member. Unfortunately, out of obligation, she stayed with her people. A noble decision. When you left the land of the dunes, you refused to erase the X on your arm. The memory of the brave fighter refused to leave your mind, you already missed her. "We'll need you in the future, don't forget us!" she told you with a huge smile.

Even though Vivi has stayed behind, her place in the crew will never be taken by anyone else. She is, and always will be, the princess of the Straw Hats.

When Nico Robin invited herself into the crew, under the pretext "you forced me to live, you're going to pay the price", she didn't replace Vivi. There was no need to discuss it; it was like an unwritten agreement. Like Zoro, you didn't approve of your captain's decision, Robin had a reputation that could tarnish the name of anyone associating with her. One by one, the Going Merry pirates fell under her spell for trivial reasons. Money, beauty, humor - none of these things appealed to either the swordswoman or the writer. Both of you looked at the woman with an unfriendly eye.

"Captain, I'd like to have a word with you."

"Shishishi, not right now, Robin does-OUCH! It hurts!"

"Now!"

It wasn't the first time you'd grabbed Luffy by the cheek, but it was definitely the first time you'd felt anger towards him. Away from the ears and stares of the others, you intended to explain your sudden burst of agitation to him:

"Luffy, we can't welcome Nico Robin among us."

"Why not?"

"She was born under a dark star."

"…"

"That means bad luck follows her like a shadow."

"Oh, that's ok!"

"It's… ok!? Luffy, you don't understand! Nico Robin doesn't carry the nickname Devil Child for no reason. Ever since she was born, she's been wreaking havoc wherever she goes. If she stays with us, we risk having the marines on our asses non-stop. Do you know how many crews Nico Robin has ruined simply by being present among them? She travels from ship to ship to get wherever she wants, no one-"

Huh. When you said those words out loud, you immediately realized the obvious parallel. Slowly, you stepped back and placed a hand in front of your mouth, lowering your gaze to the ground. Luffy didn't understand the sudden change in your behavior; he tilted his head and waited for the continuation of your speech. But nothing left your mouth for several seconds.

"Forget what I said." you whispered.

Maybe Luffy forgot, but you didn't. From that point on, you stopped complaining about the arrival of Nico Robin in your group, which didn't please Zoro. "What did she do to change your mind? Did she give you ink and paper? Did she give you a story to write?" You would have liked to answer your crewmate's sarcasm with the truth, but revealing part of your past was out of the question. "Nothing." you replied, without emotion. "Yeah, right." murmured Zoro.

Skypiea had been an out-of-this-world adventure. From beginning to end, you felt like you were living a dream. The intensity of the journey from sea to sky clearly took years off your life, and your anxiety had never been higher. To this day, you refuse to admit that you fainted under the pressure of the wind and the stress, and that Sanji was forced to hold you tightly between his legs to prevent you from falling.

When you arrived on the island, you found it hard to enjoy the clouds like your companions, spending your time writing down everything you saw in your notebook. How could you ever forgive yourself if you dared to forget a single detail of this land? An island in the sky, for God's sake! It wasn't every day you came across such an extraordinary discovery! It was beautiful, really. Until reality caught up with you and sent you off on another crazy adventure. Beating a god, eh?

During the peril, you got closer to Robin. Maybe it was the age, maybe it was the things you had in common, but to your surprise, you felt comfortable with her. So much so that you asked her something that shocked her. "Can you teach me to read poneglyphs?" Robin had met many people who wanted to take advantage of her knowledge and ability to read the mysterious steles, but no one had asked her to learn to read them.

"Those who are able to read the poneglyphs are in grave danger. As you know, the government wants to keep a part of history a secret. If you wish to obtain this knowledge, you must accept becoming not only a target for the government, but also for rich and powerful people.”

"Hm… I understand and accept the consequences that come with this knowledge. The government could send their best agent, an army, gods, whatever, they'll never succeed in locking me up in a cell. Luffy will never let them touch me."

At the time, you hadn't been able to decipher Robin's smile or the sadness in her eyes. A few days later, your words were echoing in your head over and over again. It's stupid, but you trusted her. And even more stupidly, you could easily have guessed what would happen next. You were the first to tell Luffy that Robin was going to betray you. And that's what happened. But she'd made a mistake. Didn't she understand what you told her at Skypiea? Luffy doesn't let ANYONE touch his crew.

If you thought the desert and the sky were adrenaline-pumping adventures, they didn't compare to the archaeologist's rescue. Chaotic was the right word to describe Enies Lobby. Even during your time in the marines, you'd never been confronted with such high levels of danger. The more time passed, the more unexpected obstacles were placed in your path, and the less you saw a way out. Entering a government domain to save a single soul who had chosen to abandon you? From your point of view, you would have described the situation as a suicidal mission. And unfortunately, you know a thing or two about suicide missions.

You put your heart and soul into saving Robin. Never thinking for a second that you'd survive.

Which is why you're still in shock to be back at Water 7 without a major injury. Enies Lobby is behind you. Facing a CP9 agent wasn't on your list of things to complete before you die, but now that box is checked. This journey has made Robin realize that she's not alone in this world, and that she can't escape in silence. No matter what she decides to do, Luffy will bring her back to the Going Merry. That goes for Usopp, too. And… you.

Like the others, you raised a glass to victory and spent the night celebrating. Your smile never left your face, but behind that cheerful mask lay a great sadness.

[end of flashback]

The Thousand Sunny's dining room is bursting with good energy. To welcome the second crew, Franky adjusted the table to accommodate all those who wish to take part in the meal. The quieter ones opt for the aquarium or the outside tables. Some prefer to enjoy their food away from the greedy captain who, without hesitation, steals from the others' plates and makes horrible noises with his mouth. You too had a hard time putting up with the young man's tendencies, but after hundreds of lunches at his side, you've gotten used to it.

With a kick, Luffy opens the door and announces his presence by shouting to his cook that his hunger is about to crush him. Oh, what a lovely smell, you think. You recognize the aroma of your favorite breakfast ingredients. If your stomach wasn't rumbling before, well, it is now. You notice that the usual places at the table are in disorder, with the exception of the captain.

"I've reserved a seat for you! You're going to sit next to me!" He seems so proud of his decision, you don't have the courage to ruin his good deed by telling him that reserving a seat was unnecessary and far too kind. You could have joined the others under the sun, but you suspect that your young captain wouldn't accept this alternative, so you follow him to the end of the table and sit down on the chair intended for you.

"TORAO!! BEAR!!! HERE!!!" shouts Luffy suddenly, waving his arm in the air, as if he wasn't visible to the duo at the door.

You greet them discreetly with a simple wave of your hand - there's no need to damage anyone's ear. Law sits down opposite to you, and Bepo in front of Ikkaku. The polar bear scratches his cheek and lets out a long yawn. If Luffy hadn't woken you up, you're sure you'd still be glued to Bepo, deep in slumber. You want to express your gratitude to the duo, but alas, Sanji arrives like a tornado and places a plate of food, a bowl of fruit and a large glass of orange juice in front of you.

"For madame, her favorite breakfast with fruit cut in the shape of a heart to express my admiration for her beauty, intelligence and entire person. Your presence on this boat brightens my days, calms my nights and gives me the strength to pursue my dream. I'd be willing to find water in a desert for you, I'd be willing to pick up the moon-"

You hug Sanji for a split second. "Thank you, Sanji." you say with tenderness and sincerity. After the night before, you know that your crewmate is trying to show his support by offering you your favorite dish and complimenting you. Although you've heard him repeat his words to other women, you know he's not lying.

The focus of the audience was already on the cook, who was declaring his love, a less surprising sight, but the intensity of his words seemed a little more pushed and thoughtful. The hug ended his tirade, but only increased his fire. He took several steps back and succumbed to a heavy nosebleed. You are convinced you've shut down his brain when he tries to speak, but his words make no sense. He floats back behind the counter like he's on a cloud.

You start eating your breakfast in silence, listening to other people's conversations and thinking about what you're going to do later. You wonder if Bepo is free, if he'd like to swim together again or explore the jungle. You can't resist the urge to wander through the wilderness, feeling like you're in an adventure book, just like the famous fictional archaeologist.

At one point, your attention is drawn to Usopp, who is telling a totally true and very believable story. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a hand sliding across your plate.

"Luffy!" You quickly grab his filthy little claws to keep it from contaminating the fruit. "Don't touch what's mine, just ask me if you want anything."

You hear him growl, but he asks if he can have some of your fruit, which you happily accept. Sanji has given you too big a serving. You lean over to place the fruit on your captain's plate, and he too leans over to smell your hair. Luffy loves your shampoo and has told you on several occasions that he'd like to eat it if it weren't bad for his body.

"You don't smell like usual, you smell weird."

"Hey, don't criticize (y/n)-chan! Her smell is delightful!" replies Sanji, frustrated and ready to defend you to the death.

"It's not an insult, it's true! She smells like… like…" Luffy scratches his head and thinks. He digs deep into his brain, until he comes up with an answer. "She smells like Torao!"

At this statement, a number of people start laughing, and you yourself give a short giggle. You've slept in his bed, so it's not surprising that your hair adopts his scent, but you didn't think it was obvious. It's amazing how your captain can notice the little details. Ikkaku is the second person to lean over and sniff your hair.

"Oh yes, that's right! She smells like cheap cologne and trust issues."

"I do not." Law hadn't intended to intervene, but after that low blow, he owed it to himself to respond and protect his image.

"Sure you don't, big boy." replies the young woman with a smirk, proud to have made her captain react.

"So shitty cook," begins Zoro, his voice loud enough for everyone to hear. "Does that mean you find the smell of Law delightful?"

War was declared between the swordsman and the cook. This first attack gave both crews a good laugh and even brought a smile to Law's face. The mood of the morning promises a day full of joy and teasing. What's more, Nami says the sun should be out all day and the wind gentle. Good news indeed!

You continue to devour your meal, avoiding Luffy's attempts to steal it. You don't notice Nami nodding to Chopper and Luffy. Your captain suddenly begins to annoy Law. The little reindeer clears his throat. "(Y/n)!" You turn to him with a smile, inviting him to continue his speech. "There's a medicinal plant I'd like to add to my stock, and I'm confident there's some in the forest! But I can't go, I've got to clean the infirmary and air out the space. Would you like to go and get some for me, please?"

"Oh, why not! I didn't have any plans today. But wouldn't you rather go together after you've finished cleaning up?"

"Er…" Chopper looks at you with a far too wide smile and round eyes. A bead of sweat slides down his forehead. "I-I…"

"It’s going to take all day!" urges Nami with a suspicious enthusiasm.

"Y-yes! All day! And there's no guarantee the weather will be nice tomorrow!" confirms Chopper with a nervous laugh.

From the way they talk, you can tell they're hiding something. What exactly? You don't know, but you're determined to find out. You just hope it's not a surprise party or a bad joke.

"Right. Bepo, would you like to come along? We could listen to Uta's album!" You sincerely hope the polar bear will agree, you long to spend time with him.

"Bepo can't, I'm going to help him work on his maps." replies Nami.

Bepo looks at you with sad eyes. "Sorry…"

You're happy the two are going to spend some time talking about their passion- ah but, you don't even know if Bepo is passionate about this topic! Not all navigators love their job… Arg! You've got so much to talk about with Bepo, you can't wait to get to know him better! Admitting you're a little jealous of Nami is not pleasant. You lift your spirits with the thought of being able to talk to your new friend at the end of the day and, who knows, maybe sleep in his fluffy arms.

"Robin?"

"Sorry, I'm helping Chopper clean the infirmary."

"Franky?"

"Sorry sis! Usopp and I are working on a suuuper project!"

"Brook?"

"Yohoho! I'm composing on a new song and I won't lie, this forest is giving me the creeps!"

"Ikka?"

"No, I can't. In fact, most of the Heart can't. We have to clean up the control room, two idiots caused a rampage during the night. Believe me, I wish I could go with you."

Pfft, no one can, seriously? You've got four people left on your list. Luffy, a traveling companion who's bursting with energy, but causes trouble every time, so that's a no. Zoro will be lost in less than five minutes. Sanji must stay on the boat to cook, or Luffy will panic. Jinbe…

"Jinbe!"

The fish-man enters the dining room and is startled when you call out to him. You look at him with an excitement he rarely sees in your eyes these days.

"Would you like to come with me to get some medicinal plants?"

You join your hands and beg him with your gaze, it's impossible for him to resist your beauty! You're too busy charming Jinbe, you don't see Shachi, Penguin and Nami silently panicking. Before Jinbe can respond, Penguin stands up and shouts, "JINBE WILL SHOW ME HOW TO SWIM."

Everyone turns to the young man.

"I am?" questions Jinbe with surprise.

"O-of course! You are the best at swimming, after all!" replies Penguin.

You just can't believe it! You know very well that Penguin is one of the Heart's best swimmers, so why are they trying to send you off alone into the forest? It's a bit too dangerous to venture off on your own into an unfamiliar place on an island strangely devoid of inhabitants, this plan doesn't suit you. Unfortunately, you've got nothing better to do. You could lock yourself in the library and try to write, but once again, inspiration isn't there. Well, you have no choice.

You finish your plate in silence, disappointed in your friends.

After breakfast, you return to the girls' bedroom to choose your clothes for the day. You've got your pajamas in your hands and you're about to drop them into the dirty laundry, but a thought stops you in your tracks. If your hair smelled like Law, then… your shirt should, logically, have the same smell, right? Everyone was laughing this morning. Luffy thought your perfume was unusual, and Ikkaku declared that her captain smells like cheap cologne. You, on the other hand, disagreed.

With trembling hands, you bring the shirt up to your nose and inhale the poison that is Law. Without realizing it, your eyes close. Yes, it's definitely his smell. Masculine, fresh, comforting… You suddenly open your eyes and throw the shirt at the end of your arms as if it had burned you. With a petrified look, you fall back onto your bed and try to control your heavy breathing. Holy shit, what did Sanji put in your food?!

You don't know what possessed you, but it was definitely strange. There's nothing wrong with finding someone's perfume pleasant, but smelling their shirt in the hopes of getting a little hint of it? That's not really normal. It would be humiliating if the doctor knew what you'd done, you can imagine how creeped out he'd be. Shaking your head, you push away the wicked fiend that has taken over your body for a few seconds. You settle back on the bed to make yourself a tad more comfortable, needing to take your mind off things and get ready to venture alone into a forest, yay…

A long sigh leaves your lips. The sun may be shining, but your mind is clouded by loneliness. Two crews and no one available to spend a couple of hours with you. It shouldn't bother you so much, but fuck, you feel as if you've fallen into a black hole and are slowly being forgotten by everyone. Forgotten or ignored. Chopper trusts you to pick a plant, which should reassure you, but it doesn't. Does he really need this herb? Maybe he wanted to get you away from the boat so you'd finally give them some space. Maybe they've all lied and are going to have another beach day without you.

But… Bepo wouldn't lie to you. Would he?

Fuck, you feel sick again. The beating of your heart makes you nauseous. The pain that took over your body yesterday seems to be coming back even stronger. Experiencing a panic attack, this time in broad daylight, would be painful. You don't even know if you'd be able to show your face again after such an unpleasant event. Yeah yeah, tomorrow's a new day, but it's morning, for crying out loud! You don't know what's going on with you, but you're sick of feeling so helpless in the face of your own thoughts.

You leave your bed to finish what you came to do: change your outfit. You choose clothes appropriate for the weather, but also for the woods. It would be awkward to repeat Nami's mistake and get sick from an insect bite. Nevertheless, you opt for a style that will prevent you from overheating in the humidity of the forest and under the sun's harsh rays. You allow yourself a slightly revealing look, knowing that no men will bother you.

When you open the bedroom door to leave, you jump back at the sight of the Heart captain. His fist is raised, as if he's about to knock. Your heart speeds up for a different reason.

"H-hey. Do you need something?" you say as you close the door behind you, awkwardly stepping closer to Law.

"You didn't ask me if I was available to accompany you."

You let out a small "oh" out. The heat rises to your cheeks and you try to find the right words to express yourself. For a moment, you wonder if you have offended your interlocutor. Since Punk Hazard, Law has shown no interest in including himself in the life of the Straw Hat pirates. He remains an outsider, and you respect his choice, but by watching him keep his distance, you've learned to remove him from your options. Inviting him as a courtesy never even crossed your mind.

Besides, as you know, Law doesn't pay you any attention except in moments of extreme danger. Although, that seems to have changed. Yesterday, he put sunscreen on your back, let you sleep in his bed and gave you a hug this morning! Oh boy, the hug. You hadn't thought about that. Oh no. You must be as red as a tomato right now!

You're trying to find logic in Law's change of attitude. Wano has been a stressful time and many have had close calls with death, some have had triggers about their lives and their intent. Perhaps Law is one of those people. That's a far-fetched theory. Another theory would be that Bepo asked Law to be more open to you and stop being a fucking wall without feeling. The polar bear has the power to manipulate his captain with his adorable soft eyes. Then again, it doesn't make sense. It's only been two days since you got close to Bepo, you don't think the navigator would confront his captain for so little.

“Did you wanted-”

"I've already asked Tony-ya for the herb he's looking for, let's go."

He leaves you no choice. Without warning, Law teleports you to the beach and takes the lead. You're so confused by this turn of events, you don't retort, following him closely.

As you enter the forest, you pass by the campfire where you fell asleep on top of Bepo on the first night of your reunion. You smile as you recall the polar bear's kindness. If it hadn't been for him, you probably wouldn't have been able to leave the ship. Then you think about what Zoro told you. Luffy put an end to the party in order to let you rest in peace. You've also discovered that Franky was the one who covered you with a blanket. You don't understand why you panicked earlier. Your crew obviously likes you.

The jungle is dense. You and Law soon discover that there is no clear path and that you have to move around like explorers. You need to pay attention to where you're walking to avoid holes and potentially dangerous animals. The further you advance, the more you become overwhelmed by the sounds of the environment. It's enough to make anyone paranoid. You keep glancing behind you, convinced that a snake is about to slither onto your shoulders. Law appears indifferent to his surroundings, so you try to maintain a calm attitude and stay close to him.

Unsurprisingly, Law isn't much of a talker, so you're the first to break the ice.

"Hey, what are we looking for, anyway?" you ask after realizing that you don't even know what to look for. After all, Law didn't give you a chance to visit Chopper before leaving.

"Piper aduncum, or better known as matico. The plant smells like pepper." he replies, sounding as monotonous as ever.

"Okay, what does it look like?" It's nice to know the name, but it's not going to help you be useful while searching.

"A green leaf with no particular features."

"Great, it's a good thing I totally saw a picture of this pip.. pipre.."

"Piper aduncum." he corrects you, without even bothering to turn towards you to speak.

"Yeah, that." you mutter, holding onto the straps of your backpack with some strength.

His lack of interest, or so you think from his nonchalant attitude, gets on your nerves a bit. The guy may be a real hottie and an eye candy, but that doesn't excuse his eccentric, dominant side. And not dominant in a sexy way, more in a know-it-all, “well, actually-” way. And the worst part is, he usually knows everything! Law is incredibly smart, he's a goddamn doctor. Sometimes you'd like to possess the breadth of his knowledge and be able to shut the mouth of those who think themselves superior, sometimes you'd just like to get down on your knees in front of him and show your admiration for his brain.

It's strange because you know very well that Robin is the smartest person in the world, yet you don't want to kneel before her and worship her rich knowledge. That would be ridiculous and almost humiliating.

Law slows his pace and turns to face you, looking a little embarrassed. "I teleported us without realizing there was a possibility you didn't know what the matico looked like. Talking to you before leaving would have been preferable."

The frustration you'd experienced a few minutes earlier disappears as soon as Law explains his reasoning. Plus, he's stopped walking like a giant and taken the time to look at you. Now you feel a little bad about overreacting and criticizing him in your head.

"Don't worry." you reply. You would have liked to follow up with "I'm not mad." but that would have been a lie.

From then on, Law ceases to lead the way and stays by your side, adapting to your pace. You don't know whether this is his attempt to apologize or simply to keep an eye on you. Either way, he has a motive. You've noticed the Heart captain has a tendency to over-analyze, and there's a reason behind everything he does. It's something you respect about him, even though it seems mentally exhausting.

Clouds slowly hide the sun.

Maybe you should turn around and go back to the Thousand Sunny. Without a clear image of the plant in your head, it's impossible for you to help find it. You're like a little dog who follows Law without question. You don't mind spending time with him, it's a rare thing, but you suspect he's not there for the fun of it.

You should tell him what you're thinking, but something catches your attention. Finally, a smile appears on your face.

"Wait!" you shout.

Law stops walking and is surprised to see you skillfully climbing a tree. It shouldn't be surprising, but you've found a mango tree! Your new mission is to fill your bag with fruit and take it back to Sanji. "The cook is going to be happy." you murmur, giggling to yourself. High up, you don't see Law's little smile. He's admiring you and making sure you don't fall.

On the way back down, you hear Law say, "You know I could have picked them in seconds."

"That would take all the fun out of climbing a tree and picking them yourself, Torao!"

"You sound just like your captain." he murmurs, before resuming in a normal tone: "Please don't call me by that ridiculous nickname."

"Do you prefer Traffy?"

"No."

"Okay, Trafalgar."

"It's not even a nickname."

"Oh sorry, I thought you didn't want a nickname, Surgeon of Death."

Law pinches the top of his nose and shows you his back. You hold back a laugh at his reaction, you know you're playing with his patience, but you can't help it. He's so easy to annoy!

Even though you can't see him, Law hides his eyes behind his hat. "Call me by my name." he murmurs.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you, Surgeon of Death. Can you speak up?" When Law doesn't respond, you reach over and pat him on the back. "Hey, I'm teasing you! Come on, let's keep going!"

You grab his hand and start walking. Once again, you notice how warm his skin is, and this shouldn't turn your stomach, but it does. Every time you feel this strange sensation, you prefer to part with it as quickly as possible, no matter how addictive it is. For two reasons, you decide to abandon Law's hand and hold the straps of your backpack. One, your body is already demanding to reconnect and your heart is about to explode. Two, you'd rather be the first to distance yourself before Law does, which will hurt you even more. Why this would hurt you is something you don't want to understand.

Law had no intention of letting go of your hand, but he respects your choice.

The sun is completely hidden by clouds and a chilly wind appears. Nami said it was going to be a beautiful day, which is strange. You're starting to feel a bit cold.

The two of you keep walking in a comfortable silence. The Heart captain stops a few times to examine some plants, but doesn't find the famous matico that Chopper is asking for. Although he says he's sure there's some on the island, you're starting to think that's not the case. A long distance separates you from the ships, and the jungle density is getting progressively worse. The sun disappeared behind the clouds a while ago, but even without the clouds, the trees would hide most of the light with no problem. And you don't know where the wind is coming from, but the weather is weird.

To take your mind off things, you decide to talk.

"Thank you for stepping in yesterday and letting me sleep in your bed." you say, playing awkwardly with your fingers. You don't dare meet Law's eyes for fear he'll see you blush.

"It's nothing." he replies. His neutrality shouldn't surprise you, and yet.

"No, it's not nothing. Do you know a captain who would let an enemy sleep in his bed?" you insist.

"You're not an enemy."

Surprised by this statement, you can't help but turn his words against him in a playful tone:

"So, you admit to still being Luffy's ally?"

You stop yourself from laughing when you see Law's eyes widen. You've trapped him and you're going to talk about it with the others later. After Wano, Law kept repeating how the alliance was over and he and Luffy were enemies.

"No, it's not- You… You're Bepo's friend."

Ah. Bepo's friend. Of course, you should have known better. Maybe your theory earlier wasn't so far-fetched. Damn, why does it hurt so much to hear those words? Suddenly, you don't want to continue the conversation. All the answers you could think of would only aggravate your pain and irritate the captain. You weren't going to answer, but Law throws you a new question:

"Did you sleep well?" he asks. Again, you know Law analyzes everything and doesn't act without reason, even if that includes small talk. You wonder why he keeps talking to you.

"Yeah, I don't know if it's Bepo or your mattress, but I slept like a baby. I really needed it." you reply sincerely. No need to hide the truth, Bepo is the perfect sleeping companion and Law's mattress is so comfortable!

"Good. You can sleep in my room until you feel better." he declares as if it was a totally casual invitation.

"Law, that's too generous! My sleepless nights and nightmares don't concern you, it shouldn't affect your life and especially your night's rest." You hide your face in your hands and let out a low growl, frustrated by your interlocutor's kindness. Doesn't he understand that he's offering you a piece of heaven right now?

Law stops walking and you face him, letting your arms fall to your sides. You watch him with an annoyed pout.

"(Y/n)-ya, I've had insomnia since I was a teenager. I know the sleepless nights haunted by images of the past, by regrets and by mistakes. And when you finally find sleep, you fall into a world of nightmares that seem worse than reality, but when you wake up, you realize your life is a nightmare." declares Law in a dark tone. You notice that he's clutching Kikoku with a strong grip. "If my bed can help you break this vicious circle, I'm more than willing to let you have it."

For a moment, you say nothing. Law's words loop in your head, burned into your memory so you'll never forget them. You bite your lower lip to keep from crying, but the tears find their way to your cheeks.

You've been feeling so odd lately, like everyone is slowly falling away from you and life is morphing into a nightmare. Law has just described exactly what's going on with you. It hurts to know that someone else is going through this, but selfishly, it's a relief to know you're not alone. You know who caused Law's pain. If it were possible, you'd like to strangle Doflamingo and spit in his face, even if it would cost your life.

Seeing you cry breaks Law's heart. It wasn't his intention to provoke this reaction; on the contrary, he thought he was making you happy. Yesterday, when you were in a similar state, Nico-ya took you in her arms and stroked your hair. Should he do the same to calm you down? No, that's a bad idea. He'd love to hug and comfort you, but he can't do that. He's worked very hard to keep his distance from you, even though his efforts threaten to fall apart since yesterday. Damn it, he's an idiot.

He doesn't know exactly why you're crying, but whatever the cause, he needs to do something about it. If Luffy was there to tell him to cuddle you, he'd do it without hesitation. Hell, if you ask him to hold you, he will! And that's what he's hoping for. He looks at you with desperation, waiting for you to say the magic words, but it's obvious you're not paying him any attention.

You cry silently in front of the beautiful man, unable to turn around in fear of losing the strength in your legs and falling to the ground. Your body tilts slightly forward and your head is bowed. You don't dare to look at the doctor. You feel so small and weak. Right now, you really need a hug, someone to reassure you that everything's going to be alright. You feel so bad putting Law, the person who's least adept in this kind of situation, through this. You don't blame him for remaining silent.

Then suddenly, you feel something on your head: Law gave you his hat. You have no idea if he's as attached to his hat as Luffy is to his, but you understand that it's not just any old thing. You accept the gift like a tender embrace. As if you were Law, you cover your eyes with the hat and continue to cry in silence.

After several minutes, your tears stop flowing and you feel a little calmer. You've spent part of the morning feeling lonely and doubting the love of your companions. Strangely enough, Law is the one who makes you feel appreciated.

"Thanks." you whisper, as you wipe your face and sniffle.

"If you want to talk about what happened last-"

"No." you reply abruptly in an authoritative tone, giving him no chance to continue. You regret interrupting him and being so abrupt. "Sorry, it's just…"

"I get it. You don't have to explain."

You thank him, bowing your head. Maybe Law isn't so lost when it comes to communication. You could have blamed him for not trying to talk to you or distract you, but you didn't. By crying openly the way you did, it stopped you from trying to hide your pain and acting like everything was perfect.

On your toes and with Law leaning over, you put the hat back on his head.

"Although, I'm sorry I disturbed your intimate moment with Robin." you say with a smirk.

"What? No, that's not what- I was talking to her about- It was nothing to-" Law drops his mask for a few seconds and panics verbally.

You laugh heartily at his reaction. "Don't panic, I was just teasing. Let's go."

Law sighs discreetly and follows you without saying a word. Even though you're beautiful when you cry, he'd rather hear you laugh.

The force of the wind increases and shakes the trees in an eerie way.

Honestly, you don't know why you're continuing into the jungle with Law as the temperature changes drastically. Everything tells you it's not a good idea to keep going, but you want so badly to bring back what Chopper asked you to. Disappointing the reindeer wouldn't make you feel any better. If you come back empty-handed, you promise to offer him cotton candy as an apology.

You see a tree with pink fruit. As with the other trees, you decide to climb like a real monkey and collect your treasure. The Heart captain doesn't seem surprised by your approach and lets you do it without comment.

Compared to other trees, this one has many more branches and leaves. You're careful not to lose your balance or scratch yourself. With the wind, it's a bit difficult to grab the fruit, but you don't give up.

Huh. This fruit isn't like the others. You stretch out your arm to take the strange fruit, but your worst nightmare settles on your arm and moves upwards at an astonishing speed. Suddenly, your body and brain stop functioning. You let out a piercing scream and wave your arm in all directions to get rid of this horrible eight-legged creature!

Obviously, you fall.

Thanks to his power, Law catches you without difficulty and safely drops you to the ground, but you continue to panic. You hold your left arm as far away from your body as possible, as if it were infected. You jump on Law and cling to his shoulder, digging your nails in.

"GET IT OFF NOW! LAW! PLEASE!"

Among the Straw Hat Pirates, Sanji and you are known for being scared of insects and spiders. You can tolerate the presence of insects, but if they touch you, your soul leaves your body and you go mad. Right now, you consider yourself even more vulnerable than before. For God's sake, you let yourself fall out of a tree without thinking! If Law hadn't been there, you could have broken your neck!

“KILL IT, DO SOMETHING!”

The captain uses his power to remove the spider from your body, which was on your back, but he'll keep this information all the way to his grave.

"It's done."

When you're absolutely sure that the little creature is no longer on you, you catch your breath, but you don't let go of Law. This time, you know perfectly well why your heart is beating so fast - it's that stupid spider's fault. Still, you're surprised to feel your interlocutor's hand gently caressing your back, it's… pleasant. Then, suddenly, he stops.

"You're cold." he says when his fingers touch your icy skin, it's not a question.

You've had goosebumps for a while now, but you weren't going to complain about the cold. You trusted Nami and decided to wear summer clothes, it's your fault. The spider caused a surge of heat during its attack, but it wasn't enough to keep you comfortable. At least Law gives you some warmth. That's why you're disappointed when he ends the hug.

"We're going back to the ships."

You nod and rub your arms to warm up. You're about to turn back, but you notice that Law is taking off his hoodie. No way, he's crazy to be hot at a time like this! Why do men burn like furnaces? You understand why Franky is burning up, he's a robot, but Zoro!? It's almost inhuman.

“Take it.”

Ah. Law's giving you his hoodie.

You weren't expecting this. Normally, you'd decline his offer and prefer to fight the temperature mentally and probably run to the Sunny to warm up, but it's so cold all of a sudden, you can't find the courage to refuse. You take the garment and put it on as quickly as possible. You let out a sigh of satisfaction and thank Law for sacrificing his comfort. You don't know this side of Law at all, it wouldn't bother you if he were always like this. Although, it would take away his charm as a handsome, mysterious, tattooed dark-haired man.

You're glad you spent the day with him; you didn't expect to go through such an emotional journey. However, you feel bad about dragging him through all the twists and turns.

Law activates his power to create a blue sphere, but before teleporting you, he hesitates.

“Everything all right?" he asks, an almost worried look on his face.

You pause for a second, but decide to be honest. You get the feeling that whatever happens in this jungle, stays in this jungle.

"I'm sorry your day is ruined." you say with a sigh.

"Why do you think my day is ruined?" His tone is neutral, but you can hear the surprise in his voice, prompting you to continue without hiding your feelings.

"You're looking for a plant in the forest with me when you could do something else. It's not for nothing that I didn't ask you to come with me, that would have been a bit crazy."

"Why not?" he asks, curious to hear your reasoning.

"Well… you're a captain, you've got more important things to do." you say, avoiding eye contact.

"It means nothing, I'm a captain, I can do what I want."

"Yes, but no.." You pause, relieved to find that Law is giving you time to think about your words. "Walking around a forest for a stupid plant is irrelevant to you. You could have relaxed by talking to Robin, like you did the other night in the aquarium. You accept Luffy as an ally, but it seems you have no real connection with the rest of the crew, except Robin and Chopper." If he hears a tinge of jealousy in your voice, he doesn't mention it. "Otherwise, you could have, I don't know… read a book or carry on, whatever it is you're doing, in your office." You're already regretting your statement and the way you said it. It was clumsy.

"You talk as if you know what's going on in my head." he replies dryly.

"That's not what I meant, not really… Sorry to assume what you imagine, but you're not a very open person. It's very difficult to decipher you." you murmur with a sigh.

There's a long silence. You're convinced that the relationship you've built with Law over the last few hours is falling apart. And it's your fault.

"Instead of assuming and getting ideas, ask me directly." You're having trouble identifying what he's feeling right now.

"Ask what?"

“Everything.”

Huh. You don't know the man well enough to know if this request is normal. And you don't know him well enough to know if he's angry or… bothered? You're really going in blind, it's a dangerous game. "You want me to ask you anything?"

“Yes.”

He is not ready.

"Ever since Punk Hazard, you've been weird with me. What's changed since we last met that you're able to talk to me now? Did I do something to you in the past that made you want to avoid me?"

Law looks at you, but doesn't answer.

"What can I do to maintain this bond? Are you going to start ignoring me again as soon as we leave this place? Because if so, I'd rather have an answer now to prepare myself mentally for this loss."

Well, Law didn't think you'd ask that kind of question at all. He's shocked, but his face doesn't show it. Too bad for him, you're about to deliver the final blow.

“Do you hate me?”

You're stunned by your own words, as if you've just pronounced a forbidden phrase. Bepo has promised you that Law doesn't hate you, but you need to hear it. It's selfish, you know. It was a very bad idea to open that box, you realize.

The tattooed man's silence is strong. You give him time to digest your questions, but something tells you you won't get an answer. Law doesn't move, he doesn't even seem affected by what you've said, even though you know that's not entirely the case. No one can be so closed off.

Then why doesn't he say anything?

You beg him with your eyes. A simple yes or no is enough. But the silence persists.

Drops of water fall from the sky and envelop you in a sudden downpour. Law's hoodie no longer protects you from the cold. You're soaked to the bone.

"Okay." you murmur, sniffling. "Take me back to the Sunny, please."

Without saying a word, Law activates his power and takes you back to the beach.

tag list : smokeprincess24, phsycochan, stuckinthewrongworld, metonimia-de-bellota, tolkienlovee, norasincubi, sleepykittycx, miloonmetis, perilous-pasta, shadowserpent4444, songinabottle, fireinyoureye, someobsessionrequired, dummyegg, undermoonlightwalk, latanyalove, rebeccawinters, stormruff, elen-alambil, amortentiaz, nemisimp, saybeyonce, corazon-lover, shamrockfish, dark-swedish-suitcase-blog, dionysiachan, stachelrose, nyxprobability ♡♡♡

[conkreetmonkey]

Like, I mean it sincerely when I say that, irl, moose are some of the most dangerous animals you're liable to come across anywhere in Canada, aside from grizzly or polar bears in some areas. In a good deal of the country, they're the single most dangerous land-dwelling creature native to their area. A single adult moose is far more dangerous than a whole pack of wolves or the largest black bear, both of which generally prefer to avoid humans when possible. Cougars are very scarce in most areas and can be avoided or frightened off; like most predators aside from polar bears, they rarely hunt humans for food and usually just bluff-attack to scare us off when we enter their territory.

Think about it, no human is really worth the risk to a hungry predator unless they're absolutely desperate. We're by far the riskiest thing a bear or cat could try to hunt, because sometimes we have knives or guns, and it's impossible to know for sure whether we do or not until the fight is initiated. Combine this with the very low amount of meat we have on our bones compared to your standard herbivore, and it's simply not worth the risk unless the alternative is guaranteed starvation.

Moose, however, don't give a shit. People don't realize how big they can get, especially the males; standard varieties can easily hit 6'5" at the haunches, significantly larger than a sturdy workhorse. Up north in the Yukon, the Alaskan moose can hit 7 feet at the haunches in bulls, and if counting antlers (which they only have for some of the year), we're talking 10 feet.

They're massive, really only overshadowed in terms of height by animals found in more tropical regions, such as the giraffe or elephant. They're incredibly strong, aggressive, and not entirely opposed to eating meat if the oppourtunity presents itself. A standard pistol means nothing to a moose unless you magdump it, and you'd have to be stupid to think you could seriously harm one with even the largest knife. I'd hesitate to fight a moose with a goddamn claymore. They will trample you to death as soon as look at you.

People often assume they're just big deer. They're not. A deer will run when it hears a twig snap. A moose will saunter directly into traffic and dare you not to stop for it. They have the same devil-may-care self-confidence of our geese, but in a body the size of a teenage elephant, and the anger management of a silverback gorilla with a nasty cocaine habit and 3 ex-wives.

Moose are not frightful prey animals you can chase after with a spear. Unless you have a powerful rifle, they're more likely to be the ones hunting you.

Best part of being Canadian is that when there's moose in a survival game, you can instantly know if the devs know what a moose actually is or not. Is it the size of a donkey and/or has behaviour identical to a normal deer? Then nobody who's worked on the game has ever actually lived in moose country nor seen a moose in the flesh. If it has no capacity to deal damage to the player, it's inaccurate.

[alwaysdrukkari]

yall there is so much to unpack in the tenochtitlan scene (ty @comradekarin!).

There’s so much, just from a Druig and Makkari standpoint (both their relationship with each other and who they are as individuals) so I’m just going to focus on a few things.

Makkari defending Thena. This isn’t in the linked clip but Makkari was the first Eternal to speak up against Ajak re: Thena’s memories (not counting Thena herself). Gilgamesh didn’t even speak up initially. I’m not dunking on Thena & Gilgamesh’s bond, but I just want to make the observation that Makkari was willing to voice direct opposition to Ajak (and by extension, Arimesh?) when the others were, as Druig later accused them of being, pawns who fell in line behind their leader. (I generally really like Ajak and wish we had more of her in the movie, but her immediately telling Thena after Thena came to that, “yeah you almost killed Makkari, you’re too dangerous and we need to change everything about you” was pretty shitty?) After Makkari speaks, Druig follows her lead — and I kinda just love how they were on the same page about this. Their actions altered the course of the group as it’s only after both of them speak up (and then Druig goes a little too far, but that’s a different topic lol) that Gil volunteers to stay with Thena to let her keep her memories, and Ajak makes the decision to let everyone go their separate ways.

I wonder if Makkari and Druig’s willingness to go to bat for Thena in Tenochtitlan when no one else wanted to defy Ajak’s decision had any bearing on the three of them deciding to head off together at the end of the film. Like since Gilgamesh is not here anymore (for the time being), are Druig and Makkari the next two that she trusts the most in the group?

Thena wounding Makkari. It’s interesting to juxtapose Thena fatally wounding Makkari with Ikaris burying Druig in the earth. Even though Druig and Makkari share mutual feelings, the contexts of those situations with Thena and Ikaris were almost polar opposites, so the way Druig and Makkari reacted was wildly different. I want to look at when Thena wounded Makkari first and Druig’s reaction.

I’m unsure if Druig possesses telepathy but at the very least, he is pretty perceptive, as demonstrated when he figured out Ikaris was the one behind Ajak's death. And when Druig directed his anger about Thena (and any anger he felt about Makkari getting hurt) to the person he thought was actually at fault, Ajak, he also shows that he is someone who is able to take a step back from heat-of-the-moment emotions and look at the bigger picture. I think Druig absolutely understood that Thena was ill and not in control of herself when she wounded Makkari, and I think he also recognized that Makkari getting hurt was one of the inherent risks she took as a fighter moving offensively against an opponent. Makkari chose to directly engage with Thena when she was in the Mahd My’ry state. But from Druig’s pov, if Ajak had lead them differently, both Thena being triggered and Makkari getting hurt trying to protect the others could have been avoided.

That Druig is able to look at the bigger picture (something I imagine he’s probably had to work on over the millennia, given he is so intimately connected with humankind) really adds some extra zest to the line: “Do you know what [watching humans destroy each other when he could stop it instantly] does to someone after centuries?” It was clear Druig was already in a heightened state of agitation because of the genocide, and the Thena/Makkari/erasing memories thing probably pushed him over the edge so he finally had it with this weird utilitarian mission and his own forced inaction.

Ikaris attacks Druig. The interactions and dynamic between Druig and Ikaris was another point of interest; in the clip, after Druig takes control of the people below, Ikaris tries to physically intimidate Druig into falling back in line. Ajak intervenes, but only Ikaris gives his attention to Ajak. Druig, on the other hand, stayed focused on Ikaris, until Ikaris walks away. The exchange only lasts a few seconds but boy did it set a tone? (Also, given how things ended with them, I’m honestly a little surprised their reunion in the present wasn’t more hostile.)

Druig’s monologue in Tenochtitlan gave us a glimpse into how the different Eternals, depending on their positionality within the group especially re: powers, might have interpreted their overall mission. Protecting humans from the Deviants to help them progress doesn’t necessarily equate to “build[ing] a better world” but it’s a natural assumption for Druig to make when that seems to... generally be the result of their interventions? (Of course, we see Ajak and Ikaris’ faces, and they both know what the true mission. Ajak seems resigned and at times, almost guilty, which is why I think she let Druig speak for so long — she knew she just had to let it play out). Before Druig leaves the pyramid, he tells Ajak, “If you wanna stop me, you’re gonna have to kill me.” And everyone heard (of course, lol it’s a small room).

But this line was directly referenced by Ikaris in the present day (“I should have done this five centuries ago”) before he takes Druig to the sky and tries to blast him to smithereens. Ikaris’ line indicates some level of regret that he had not or tried to off Druig back then, so he almost seemed to relish the opportunity to do so during the Emergence. If you look at this from Ikaris’ pov, burying Druig in the volcano was an attempt to right what Ikaris perceived to be a wrong. Ajak didn’t want any of the Eternals to die (as we saw by her solution to helping Thena and allowing Druig to walk away), so she stayed Ikaris’ hand in Tenochtitlan, and even though he clearly did not agree, Ikaris is nothing if not loyal. Although he never was able to make Druig let those people go (and even when Druig released them in present day, it was because of Sersi), and no one ever stopped Druig from taking those humans and making that commune,  when Druig again is attempting to take control of something he shouldn’t be, Ikaris sees this as a redemption of sorts, his chance to make things right on a cosmic scale.

Makkari, of course, completely loses her mind at this, and it’s just another instance of me wishing we had more Makkari in the movie because I would have loved to see a closeup of her during Druig’s monologue in Tenochtitlan. We got that little moment when Druig was arguing with Phastos, and I feel like she certainly would have had something to contribute here too — or even like a look shared between them?? But alas.. couldn’t have it all this movie.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

My previous post on unselfishness in characters in characters also has a lot to do with my feelings towards characters in The Untamed. [I’ve only watched the show, not read the book - and I know I can sometimes get annoyed at people’s analyses of Lord of the Rings movie characters, when they aren’t in line with the book - so if you’re an MDZS fan and not a show fan, please ignore me.] Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji are two of my favourite characters, and a lot of it because, well, they aren’t particularly inclined to get their drama all over everyone else. When someone who Lan Xichen cares about deeply is accused of terrible crimes, he doesn’t rage and storm and get horribly offended; he carries out a thorough i vestigation, follows the leads he’s given, places all his resources at the disposal of the people making the accusations, and then, when it looks convincing, goes to talk to his friend and see if he has any posdible other explanation. He’s calm and systematic. And he’s kind to people - to Meng Yao, to Wei Wuxian, particularly during the Gusu Lan Training arc - who he has no personal connection with, simply because that’s the sort of person he is; kind in a thoughtful, considerate, undramatic way. He’s a dilpomat, he’s a conciliator, he believes in and values forbearance and mercy.

Lan Wangji might have a lot going on internally, but he’s going to focus on dealing with the Yin Iron because that’s what matters, a lot more than this weird crush he’s apparently developed. On the occasions he chooses to support Wei Wuxian and is punished for it, he accepts that without objection. After Wei Wuxian’s death, he becomes the main teacher of the Lan students and the one who leads them on cultivation missions; he doesn’t let his grief stop him from doing things that need to be done.

Wei Wuxian, by contrast, positively exhults in getting his drama all over everyone else. It took me a while to warm up to him because he was just - so - aggravating during the Gusu Lan arc. You’re attending what are apparently very prestigious lectures that everyone values the opportunity to take! You shouldn’t make excuses and throw blame around when you screw up! You shouldn’t goof off and be deliberately disruptive! (Some people are trying to learn, Wuxian!) You shouldn’t blatantly break the rules and then complain about there being consequences! In fact, as we see later, Wei Wuxian is an incredibly and perhaps pathologically self-sacrificing person - in the same way that he plays up minor injuries, discomfort, and sadness, only to hide the large ones, he combines being a nuisance in the small matters with being a deeply principled person in the great ones. This does, however, sabotage him to an extent, because people who don’t know him can’t distinguish between “Wei Wuxian is arrogant and making trouble for lulz again” (and to be clear - he is arrogant and he does make trouble for lulz) and “Wei Wuxian is making a stand on principle”.

And then we have Jiang Cheng, Drama King. He is the polar opposite of the Lans. If Jiang Cheng has a problem, everyone in Jiang Cheng’s vicinity also has that problem. His personal issues, obsessions and hang-ups cannot be set aside from the rest of his life or from what needs to be done; they suffuse everything he does. He cannot be impartial; he cannot consider things from outside his point of view, and endeavour to set his biases aside. If the Lans are admirable in both personality and character, and Wei Wuxian is aggravating in personality (by his culture’s standards - and often mine) but with strong character, and Jin Guangyao has an ideal personality (by his culture’s standards - polite, diplomatic, accomodating, dignified, organized, meticulous) and bad character, Jiang Cheng is the worst of both worlds. His character is deep attachment to what is close to him, and unconcern for the moral value of people outside his sphere (as when he says Wei Wuxian should have let the other cultivators die rather than anger the Wens; as when he tells Wei Wuxuan to abandon the people who saved both their lives - and Yanli’s life - to be killed). His personality is a giant mess of neuroses mixed with anger, abrasiveness, and - in most cases, with a few exceptions - difficulty in expressing sincere affection; and a chronic inability to understand either his own emotions or those of people around him (including Wei Wuxian’s), or to sincerely communicate his emotions to others. (All of that does make him an interesting character, and fantastic fanfic fodder - many envies is one of my favourite Untamed fics, and has easily the best portrayal of Jiang Cheng that I’ve read.) (Basically, the sheer volume of both Jiang Cheng bashing and Jiang Cheng apologia out there has mainly had the effect of moving my sentiments on him from “disaster (annoyed/judgemental)” to “disaster (grudgingly affectionate)”, but it intermittently swings back to “asshole. the absolute worst.” when I remember he abandoned Wen Qing to be burned to death when she lost everything as a consequence of saving his life - and what he values more than his life.)

Wen Qing is also one of my favourite characters, because she continually takes great risks to help others at no benefit to herself simply because she knows it’s right (and is skilled and savvy enough to actually win Wen Ruohan’s respect by doing so, up to a point) - and because she knows she’s on the wrong side. In a sense, she starts out having already made the same decision that Jiang Cheng later makes - I will sacrifice all other moral principles to protect those dearest to me - but whereas he’s self-righteous about that decision (one of his more annoying traits), she knows that’s what she’s done and does everything in her power to mitigate it. And in the end she does risk everything to help the Jiangs, and loses everything, and when, after she’s done that, Jiang Cheng says I’m willing to save you but not your family or people, she doesn’t rage or resent, she just recognizes that choice and leaves; even later, when her brother has been killed because of that decision, and when Jiang Cheng tells Wei Wuxuan practically in front of her that he should abandon her and her brother and her people to death, she doesn’t get angry at him. She’s capable of understanding where people are coming from, of not treating their moral valence as something determined purely by their treatment of herself, in a way that Jiang Cheng, again, isn’t. And at the end, when she sees that Wei Wuxian is going to pay the price for the choice that she made long ago to serve Wen Ruohan, she decides that she will turn herself in and face the consequences of that choice rather than let him bear it for her. She’s a strong contender for my favourite character in the show (extreme competence is also a factor in that; that’s always appealing).

[heart-strong]

Are you Miserable?

Summary: Spencers out of jail, Scratch has been caught and Aaron and Jack are back. Spencer's boys are back, so when Penelope offers to take Jack for the night they cannot resist, but the night does not go as anticipated.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x enby Spencer Reid , hurt/ comfort

CW/TW: Sexual Assult, Childhood Sexual Assult (mentioned) prison arc (mentioned), Aaron in witsec (mentioned), intrusive thoughts flashbacks

WC: 2.3k

———

Spencer Reid was in love desperately and since they got out of prison their next goal to get their boys back. Aaron and Jack were now seconds away from them.

“They haven't arrived yet genius?" Penelope scurries through the double doors with JJ and Dave in tow.

"Em went down without me, she said they wouldn't get up here if I went down there." they bounced on the balls of their feet.

"I agree with Emily," Dave added.

With that, the elevator dings, and the three people are reviled to the team. Aaron and Jack Hotchner’s smiles matching inch for inch. Suddenly Jack is throwing his full weight into Spencer’s arms. Aaron's then squishing the boy to their chest and is kissing Spencer’s mouth in front of everyone on the level six FBI floor.

"How have you gotten hotter?" Aaron whispered.

"Prison roughed me up, babe. "Spencer answers, squatting down to talk to Jack. "What do you think, have I changed too much Jackie?"

"I think you look tough like daddy, Spencie. I'm glad we're back though daddy’s been miserable."

"Jack you weren't supposed to tell them that.” Emily giggles at the young boy.

"Sorry, dad. "Jack blushes.

"Okay, I need hugs." Penelope runs up. "I missed you boys." she scoops Jack up." Now, Jackie, you and I are going to have a sleepover. We can’t have daddy and Spence miserable for any longer."

"That sounds so fun!" Jack hugs Penelope tight as Aaron hugs Dave hello. Falling quickly back to the rhythm of the BAU and rejoining the team before he and Spencer head to dinner for the first time in a year.

---

"Ahhh Aaron," Spencer moans in complete pleasure and basking in the presence of Aaron on top of them.

"God, fuck Spence-," Aaron moans into Spencer’s neck while the pair’s legs are intertwined and Aaron works on his partner’s shirt, kissing lower to make a new hickey on Spencer’s pale collar bones. "My Pretty Spencer.” he punctuates with a bite.

While feeling Aaron once again in such a needy way after him being gone for so long, Spencer can't help being overwhelmed. 'I'm just out of practice’ Spencer thinks as they card their hands through Aaron’s hair.

"Mmm Ar, your hairs so long with a year of me not pulling on it." they laugh opening their eyes and looks to the ceiling.

"I hate it, love." Aaron breaths.

Spencer smiles at the comment but knows it won't happen tonight. They hold to the man on top of them because maybe finally having him back in Spencer’s arms it will make the inmate’s words they yelled at them lessen. From the nightmares and intrusive thoughts that Spencer has dealt with since the early days in the prison. But now they’re thinking about it and Aaron's hands are not Aaron’s hands. Aaron’s body is not Aaron’s body. And more of the air leaves Spencer’s lungs. The hips lips legs begin to envelop their body as they gasp for anything. 'But Aarons home, he needs this'.

"God fuck," Aaron wines rolling his body above them. "You are so lovely. I missed you, Spence." His hands force Spencers shirt to move up their chest.

‘This is Aaron, this is my boyfriend.’ they repeat in their mind. ‘The men are still in prison, I am here with Aaron.’ But as Aaron’s other hand is going for his belt. The jumpsuit buttons and they can feel of the stiff mattress as it floods back to them when Milo, no Aaron, unbuckles their belt.

"No," Spencer stiffens and Aaron is off their body, at the other end of the couch in the blink of the eye.

"Baby?" Aaron asks.

Spencer gasps as their chest feels the calloused fingers of Milos on their body. And as they look up to Aaron’s face, 'he'll still love you, you've watched him for years supporting victims.' they think.

"Spencer, Spence can you breath a bit better?" Aaron asks. “Darling in through your nose, out through your mouth baby."

Spencer listens to Aaron and scratches the tears off their faces. When did they start crying? After they start breathing better Aaron goes to the kitchen and gets glasses of water. Spencer accepts it and drinks the entire glass before they look back at their boyfriend.

"Spencer do you want to talk about this now?"

"I was sexually assaulted again, in prison."

"Okay first I love you and this doesn't change that, second may I hug you, you can say no if you don't want me to." Aaron is standing hesitant.

"No, I mean, yes you can. Please Aaron, can you hold me?"Aaron sits down next to Spencer placing his glass next to the empty one and envelope Spencer’s shoulders for a few seconds and then leans back continuing. "Just like before, when you told me about your father, I do not care darling. Now I do care because you should not have had to experience that, I wish I could get your father in jail Spencer."

"Aaron don't you don't,"

"No Spencer Reid, your father touched you when you were five. You knew Jack at five imagine someone touching Jack then, that anger you feel is the same I would feel and do feel. I think about killing him."

"Aaron, you can't say that," Spencer says.

"Why not? I do, if I had known at the time and met your father, I would have killed him during the Riley Jenkins case, I would have stayed."

"Aaron, it not that I don't appreciate the thought, because I do. I really do, you cannot imagine 5-year-old me realizing that what William was doing to me was abusive and not what fathers did to their children how used and unloveable I thought I was,"

"Spencer Diana Reid, you are so very loved." They both smiled at the name. Six months after the two got together Aaron and Jack accompanied Spencer to the courthouse to change their middle name. Spencer had told the team and their boyfriend about their father, then all the hospital visits happened. And every time Spencer had to say 'Spencer William Reid’ they had to hold down bile. Aaron caught onto their discomfort and brought up the idea of changing their name.

"I know that now, but I have you and Jack and the team and Henry and Michael. Aaron, I do not feel loveless now. But, god, okay I have my boys back, and I could not let you not know that it happened again."

"And I assume the guards did nothing."

"The guards did shit, believe it or not, Calvin Shaw found me and brought me to the infirmary."

"Spencer, baby I'm so fucking sorry.” Aaron grabbed their hand and Spencer could feel his shaking. “I do have to ask, have you gotten checked?"

"Aaron,” Spencer scoffed. “Do you think I would have been rolling around with you for the last hour if I hadn't or it came out positive!? No, I would have told you immediately."

"Spencer I had to fucking ask." This is not what Aaron wanted. He honestly wanted, when the elevators opened and he laid eyes on 'roughed up' Spencer, to take the love of his life to the bathroom and ravish them. But then Spencer seemed to be a melancholy aura. And then less than 30 minutes ago they stiffened like the dead bodies they see with the job. "Baby, can we step back please."

"Yes sorry I just, Aaron I wouldn't risk your health babe, sorry I got angry there, I just want your body." Spencer blushes. "I thought, it’s you, and I've been abused and scared almost every year since joining the bureau. Like I should be fine, but that's not how this," they point to their brain, "Works."

"Spencer you do not have to justify yourself to me. How about I make some popcorn, get some tea, you get some jammies on. I will too and we just watch a movie."

"That would be very nice." Spencer grabs Aarons’s thighs and kisses their boyfriend. "I missed you and your use of 'jammies' is beyond adorable.”

"Spencer, have I introduced you to my son Jack Hotchner he's 13?” They both laugh and Aaron kisses Spencer back, carding his hand through their unruly curls.

"Mmm hum, "Spencer hums from the feeling "Touche handsome. I'll be back."

After Spencer leaves Aaron goes to the kitchen preparing the hot water and snacks, knowing how to navigate Spencer’s apartment after years of movie nights with his partner. Some time passes, he has dumped the popcorn in a bowl and two cups of tea are steeping when he hears bare feet padding into the kitchen.

"You still like peppermint and apple mixed? I saw you had them and made it without asking."

"Do you know who you're talking to, yes, may I hug you?"

"Please." before he has the chance Spencer presses their body to his back and nuzzles their nose to Aaron’s hairline. After years after real-life jump scars, the pair did not hug from behind without permission. Spencer’s slender arms wrap around Aaron’s middle.

"Did you pick out something to watch baby?"

"There's a documentary about Polar Bears that looks nice," Spencer says.

"Sounds good, "Aaron rubs Spencer’s arm as they tighten their grip." Do you want to bring these to the coffee table and I'll go change?"

"Sure babe, I missed you so much," Spencer says as he started kissing Aaron’s back.

Aaron turns in Spencer’s arms and finds them in an FBI Acadamy t-shirt too big and too worn out for it to be Spencer's. His FBI shirt.

"Did you miss me or my clothes baby?" Aaron laughs as his partner.

"Your clothes that smell like you.” Spencer blushes. “You see, I have some of your clothes but,"

"They don’t smell like me anymore?" Aaron nods as Spencer’s fluffy hair robs his neck. "If I just hold you you don't have to wear my clothes and I never plan on letting you go."

"Aaron Hotchner you are going to spoil me to death."

"No I will spoil you till the day you die, that's different." Aaron brushed Spencer’s curls out of their eyes. "I'm going to go change baby."

While Aaron is changing Spencer turns on Netflix and pulls up the documentary and bundling up in a blanket. Aaron joins them letting Spencer curl to his body as if the two were magnets to the other. This is what Aaron needed when he saw Spencer, his partner at his side and warm on his body. Over the years after the two got together Spencer would fold to Aaron’s body and sometimes Jack would sit in between them. While the loss of Hailey was painful for everyone on the team, Aaron was happy with Spencer and it made it easier to love them when Jack was also with the two, having fun and calling Spencer ‘Spencie’. Jack would explain to his teachers that ‘My Spencie is picking me up today’ and while it was confusing at first they quickly came to realize that Jack’s father’s partner was nonbinary. And Aaron of course did not care, just about having Spencer at his side and being able to love them.

Spencer ends up falling asleep, their fist clutching Aaron’s shirt and it has been years since Aaron could carry Spencer to bed. So he runs his hand through the beautiful curls atop their head and stops once Spencer's eyes flutter open.

"Hey," Spencer rubs their eyes." Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes, baby. You are so pretty you know, my pretty Spencer." Aaron smiles down at the crinkles in Spencer's cheeks.

"And you, my darling boyfriend, are comfortable."

"Okay my pretty one, brush teeth and bed."

"Aaron you know I am your partner, not your son?"

"Give me a break, the past year I have mostly only hung out with my son."

- - -

Aaron exits the restroom and finds Spencer with a book and their glasses on. "Hey Spencer before we go to bed can we chat?"

"Yes of course, but also I am quite sleepy you know."

"yes, I'll be quick," Aaron laughs and sits at Spencer’s feet. "I know we started that conversation and I feel like we dropped it quickly."

"Babe, you don't need to," Spencer sits up grabbing Aaron’s hands.

"Spence, for my brain I do need to, so can I?"

"Of course Aaron go ahead.” Spencer closes his book. "Can I snug while?"

"Come here baby," Aaron reaches out for them, and Spencer crawls into his lap and wraps their legs around Aaron’s hips. "Okay seriously though, you are my everything and your father did not deserve having you. And I hate thinking about if he had stayed. I love you so much and the shit that happened to you in there doesn't change a thing."

"Thank you for saying that babe." Spencer blushed. "I can't imagine not having my boys back."

"I'm very glad having you back too, I really was fucking miserable."

"Are you miserable now?"

"No."

"Then can we snuggle for the rest of our lives?"

"That sounds fantastic baby.”

Spencer kisses Aaron with a nod." I will say Ar, I want Jack back and I want us to move in together, we've been together for years and I love Jack. Jack loves me. Not to toot my own horn, but like I get to love and receive love from the Hotchner boys."

"Spencer Reid, you fucking beat me to the question.” Aaron fakes disappointed hitting his forehead on Spencer’s shoulder. “Jack asked if we could move in when we came back. But I think it’s a bit too late to go get him tonight though. So for now, snuggles?"

"I like snuggles!"

Spencer pulls Aaron on top of them and catches his mouth. Aaron Hotchner was the person or man for them. Aaron thought the same for Spencer, Spencer loved his kid and his kid was the person Aaron loved them most in his life. The pair fell asleep intertwined in the sheets. And when the sun rose the first thing out of Aaron’s mouth was, "Hey my pretty Spencer, do you want to go get our boy?"

"Our boy? God, I love the sound of that, yes."

[amythedvdhoarder]

Arguments and Revelations

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: An argument with Bucky’s latest fling throws some uncertainty on your relationship with Bucky

Warnings: Language, a little bit of angst and fluff

Word count: 1.9K

A/N: (Gif not mine) This is my entry for the lovely @anika-ann​ 500 celebration challenge. I used the prompt “You are such a bitch!” “Takes one to know one, sweetheart!” I altered the words slightly to fit. This one was fun to write, not as fluffy as normal but I do enjoy writing a good argument!

Not beta read, any mistakes are my own.

Reblogs and feedback are most welcome, so let me know what you think x

Masterlist

xxx

“Hey Y/N, we still on for tomorrow?” Bucky called over as he walked to the fridge.

“Mmmm,” you nodded with a mouth full of cereal.

“Enjoying that?” he aimed at you with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, you have good choice in cereal.”

His eyes widened in shock and he slammed the fridge for dramatic affect and turned to face you. “My cereal, you are such a dick!”

“Takes one to know one, pal!” you shot back with a smug look on your face.

“Bucky baby?” a voice whined from the corridor. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you turned your attention to your cereal in front of you.

Bucky let out a small sigh just before a petite blonde woman strolled in wearing one of Bucky’s t-shirts that only just covered her bum.

Her eyes flicked to Bucky and then to you.  She clenched her jaw and threw you a fake smile which returned with a raise of your eyebrows.

“Babe, I missed you,” she pouted and wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck and stood on her tiptoes so she could lean up and kiss Bucky. The view you got as she did this was not one you appreciated.

“I was just talking to Y/N about tomorrow night,” he offered calmly.

“But I thought we could,” she walked her fingers up his chest and bit down on her bottom lip “you know, hang out tomorrow night.”

“We already made plans,” his hand fell to the small of her back, encouraging her to rest back on her feet, he sent you an apologetic smile.

She looked up at him and realised he was looking at you. “But baby I want to spend time with you.” You could hear the irritation in her voice.  All you wanted was to eat your breakfast in peace but Lisa, or bitch-tits as you had named her, was scowling at you.  Why did Bucky have to go for women with very little between their ears?

“Look I’m sure we could rearrange.” You proposed.

“Thanks,” bitch-tits said in a fake sweet voice.

Bucky let go of her and turned to you, “doll, no we are not rearranging.”

“Doll? Are you kidding me right now?” bitch-tits was seething, she took a step back from Bucky and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Lisa, I call everyone that?” Bucky ran his hand through his hair.

“Not me you don’t. Do you know what? It all makes sense now.” You felt like you were witnessing something you shouldn’t. Quietly you tried to sneak out but she rounded on you. “Oh no you don’t get to leave.”

Lisa looked like she had just had a lightbulb moment, she took a step towards you. Automatically you took a step closer to her, daring her to try something. There was nothing you wanted more than to punch her annoying face.

“Lisa leave Y/N out of this. Why don’t we go back to my room and talk about this?” Bucky was pleading now.

Her head snapped round to him and pointed at him accusingly.  “Umm, I don’t think so. She’s the one, isn’t she? She is the one you told me about when we first met, the friend you’ve got feelings for-,” she spun to face you “-and you. I can tell by the way you look at him that you obviously have feelings for him too.”

Bucky looked mortified and you were pretty sure that your mouth had hit the floor. You couldn’t believe that bimbo had been that perceptive, even Nat hadn’t sussed out how you felt yet. Bucky’s mouth kept opening and closing as he tried to form some words. His panic filled blue eyes briefly locked on yours before tearing his gaze away to look at Lisa.

“I will take your silence to mean I’m correct?” She aimed at Bucky. When he still stayed quiet she scoffed and with a final glare at the pair of you, stormed off.

Neither you nor Bucky spoke, both still reeling from being outed unexpectedly. You climbed back onto the stool, placed your elbows on the counter and rested your chin on your hands. Bucky was stood with his metal hand resting on his hip, pinching his nose.

“Doll, I –,”

“Buck –,�� Both of you started to speak at the same time. The pair of you laughed nervously and then Bucky gestured you to continue.

“Maybe you should go after her?” You didn’t want him to leave but it was the right thing to do.

He blinked a couple of times as your words sunk in. “Yeah I probably should.” He took a deep breath and sent you an apologetic grimace before heading off down the corridor back to his room.

xxx

For the rest of the day you hid in your room, replaying what bitch-tits had said, well yelled, at you and Bucky. You had spent a lot of time with him; he was your partner on most missions and other than Steve, you were the one he sought out and spent time with. You had reintroduced him to the modern world, caught him up on all the best music, movies and books from the last few decades. At times you wondered if you and him could ever be more than friends but then he started dating every woman under the sun. These women were the polar opposite to you, confirming, in your mind, that nothing would ever happen between you; clearly you weren’t his type.

That didn’t stop you developing feelings for him though. The time you had spent with Bucky made you realise that he was everything you could want rolled into one; you shared a similar sense humour, was kind, caring, and not to mention breathtakingly handsome without even trying. But you kept your feelings under control, not wanting to risk such a valuable friendship. It seemed impossible to imagine a life without Bucky in it, if that meant having to hide how you really felt then it was worth the ache you felt every time you saw him.

xxx

Back in Bucky’s room tensions were high. Normally he made a conscious effort to avoid confrontation, unless it was on a mission. But Lisa definitely wanted an argument, she was pissed, which to be honest he could understand. He had outlined when they first met that he wasn’t looking for anything too serious because he had feelings for someone else, he was just looking for a distraction and Lisa was more than willing to help. However, he had let this arrangement carry on longer than he should, Lisa had taken that to mean that Bucky wanted something more serious. He did, just not with her.

After Lisa had got the anger out of her system she calmed down. She quickly changed and packed up the few things that she had left in Bucky’s place during the few weeks they were seeing each other. Bucky apologised profusely for any pain he had caused her but subtly reminded her that this was never really anything more than sex for him. He understood how that made him look, but he couldn’t commit himself to a real relationship because it wouldn’t be fair to the other person, not when he was in love with you. He was just too much of a coward to do anything about it, you were too important to him to lose.

“You two should talk to each other. Y/N definitely feels something for you, she always looked sad every time I showed up,” Lisa turned to him from the door.

“Um thanks, I am really sorry Lisa,” he sighed from where he was sat on the bed

“You did warn me. Doesn’t mean it feels any less shitty. Bye Bucky.” She didn’t spare him another glance before leaving and closing the door behind her.  

Bucky flopped back onto his bed and let the events of the last few hours sink in. He thought back to this morning where Lisa had exposed his feelings for you. You had looked shocked but not disgusted and a small part of him was hopeful because you hadn’t outright denied her accusation either. Not that there was much time to. Bucky hated the uncertainty now hanging between you two, he couldn’t just leave things as they were. He had to talk to you.  

xxx

“Come in,” you shouted in response to the soft knock at your door.

The Bucky that stepped in was not one that you had seen in a while. He looked nervous and so unsure of himself. To be honest it mirrored exactly how you were feeling.

“Are you ok? How did it go with Lisa?” No matter what you felt for him you wanted him to be happy, if Lisa made him happy then so be it.

“We’re over, to be honest Y/N we weren’t really ever together properly,” Bucky took a seat next to you on the sofa.

“Oh, I just thought-,” you concentrated on keeping your face neutral, your natural reaction was to smile.

“We had a fairly crude arrangement, it’s not something I’m proud of. It was a distraction,” Bucky couldn’t look at you, he couldn’t bear to see the disgust on your face.

“We all need distractions Buck, our job isn’t the easiest thing to switch off from,” you shifted closer to him and placed your hand on his thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Um it’s not the job Y/N.” He turned to look at you. “It’s you.”

“Me? I don’t understand,” your voice was wavering slightly as you tried to keep calm.

“I didn’t want to lose you Y/N, you mean too much to me,” his eyes were shining now as tears started to form.

“You won’t ever lose me Buck. I’m not going anywhere.” Letting go of his thigh you took his hand in yours, your thumb running over his knuckles.

“I love you Y/N. I can’t picture a life without you in it. I completely understand that you don’t feel the same way and if you don’t want to be around me anymore then-.“ You placed your free hand over his mouth to stop him rambling and turned him to face you properly.

His brows furrowed in confusion as you removed your hand from his mouth and smiled softly at him. “You love me?”

His rolled his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded at you. “Yeah, pretty much have from the moment you sat me down to watch Ferris Bueller’s day off, maybe even from the first time you spoke to me. You treated me like a proper person, not some broken thing.”

The way he was looking at you made your heart break; the man was so clearly expecting you to reject him. “I love you too you know. How could I not? You’re my best friend, nothing will ever change that but I want more. With you.”

“You mean it?” Bucky whispered as if saying it any louder would make it untrue.

“No, I’m kidding,” you mutter sarcastically.

“You’re so annoying sometimes you know that?” Bucky grumbled.

You chuckled, “I know but you love it really.” Bucky shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Damn right I do doll,” he grinned.

“So, what you going to do about it?” you teased.

His eyes darkened ever so slightly at the challenge. “You might regret that Y/N.”

You leaned towards him, your lips mere centimetres from his. “Hmmm I don’t think I will.”

Taglist is open so let me know if you want in or out

Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18 ,  @silentcoyotesong, @queenofstarliqht​, @buckys-henley​, @lonelyheartsm​ @alexa-lightwood-blog​, @angrythingstarlight​, @drabblewithfranny​, @rogueheretic555​

[theslightlyaggressiveaffirmer]

Here’s what happened with my pupper

(CW: animal death)

Hi y’all. I feel like I’m ready. I came here twice already to try, and I realised I was not OK both times. But I haven’t really been able to talk about this and so I just want to get it all written down, in a linear way, to process it properly for me. And then I’ll feel lighter and be able to go back to Affirming others.

Plus my best friend will be able to read it and I won’t have to tell her this story verbally, which might be hard. (Hey dude!)

At first I was on a 5+ daily cry, then like 3, then 1 and now none at all, usually.

So...

My girl Peachy had a chronic condition that she was being treated for and she was doing OK. She had a good quality of life, she was on her daily medication and you wouldn’t know she was sick if we didn’t tell you. The only symptom left was her increased appetite, basically.

But there were a few signs things were getting worse, so the vet doubled her dose of daily meds. I asked if that would be OK, if there were any risks.

She told me NO. (Points at which Peach’s life could have been saved: 1)

At the same time as we gave Peachy this increased dose, we also switched her over to a new diet food, because she was so overweight. I would NOT HAVE DONE THIS if I knew the increased dosage had potential side effects because changing 2 things at once makes it hard to tell what is causing new symptoms. But since there was apparently no risk, I went ahead and changed food as advised. (Point at which Peach’s life could have been saved: 2)

Peachy went from being hungry all the time to not wanting to eat. We assumed it was because she didn’t like the food. She ate it and threw up a few times. I tried to encourage her to eat it by mixing it with other things to get her used to it. I was not on the lookout for side-effects like appetite loss or throwing up - if I had been, I would have acted on them.

We did take her to the vet because we were worried about the throwing up. She stayed in for the day and the vet ran some tests. The vet felt the results suggested reduced kidney function, but she was fine in the short term and not to worry and gave her some tablets for the nausea. But fine - in the short term. (Points at which Peach’s life could have been saved: 3 (vet’s lack of action) and 4 (vet’s advice))

The following night, I noticed Peachy shaking. She used to do that sometimes out of anxiety. Tried to calm her down, and it was a little better. Agreed with my mother that, seeing as the vet said there was nothing to really worry about, we’d see how she was the next morning.

The next morning she was not good. Still shaking. Vomiting again. I called the only vet open on Saturdays (not her usual one) and though they were about to close, they told me to send them a copy of her bloodtests from two days earlier and what her symptoms were. Their vet called me back and said, essentially “You need to take that dog to the emergency vet immediately.” He said she ought to have been put on fluids immediately after her blood test results arrived. He didn’t understand how her usual vet had sent her home with those numbers.

We took her to emergency. They kept her overnight. She did not respond to treatment. I asked them “Tell me the truth - if she had been treated for this on the Thursday, would that have made a difference?”

Yes. It would likely have saved her life.

We had her home for two days before the end came. When it was time to say goodbye, I did not take her to the old vet. I took her to the place that had been so helpful to me and taken my phonecall and given me advice when they were already closing for the day. We will never go to the old place again. I can’t understand how this vet failed SO catastrophically FOUR TIMES because she’s always been so good before. But:

1. She told me there was no risk/no side effects to the medication change. I now know that there is a well-known risk of kidney failure. If I had known this, I’d have either not done it, or at least been on the alert for the symptoms.

2. She had me change the dog’s diet at the same time as changing her medication, despite my reservations, assuring me it was fine because the medication was just an increase and therefore there’d be no new issues. So when there were symptoms of the kidney failure from the higher dosage, I assumed it was the food that was the problem and this delayed treatment by a whole week.

3. Every other vet who saw that blood test result said they would have put that dog on fluids immediately. They are all baffled as to how a competent vet could send an animal home with such obvious signs of acute kidney failure.

4. As well as not treating the kidney failure, she told us there was no short term risk and Peach was fine. So when we saw the shaking, we decided to wait and see on that, because we had no idea it could be serious. Delaying treatment yet another night.

In conclusion: Our vet killed my dog. My mother is really holding onto the whole “Well, she was old and chronically ill and it was just her time” narrative and that’s what she needs to believe in order to cope and to grieve and I respect that.

But it does mean that I can’t talk about my grief, and my pain and my anger. I did half of a vet-nursing course so all the talking to vets is left to me because I understand all the language. So... my mum wasn’t there. She didn’t hear what I heard. But one of them straight up told me, the increase in medication dosage caused the illness. The increase I was told had no side effects or risks.

So... on the positive side, I’m really able to say that I’m not experiencing guilt any more. I don’t feel like I’M responsible for what happened. I acted on the advice I was given and did the best that I could with what an expert told me. It is the fault of the supposed expert who did the wrong thing, REPEATEDLY.

Anyway, it was REALLY traumatic. Like, losing my dog is one thing. Losing her during a really hellishly stressful time is even worse. But the fact that the person I trusted to care for her and her health failed her like this was just such a blow that really shook me up so badly. 

But you know... it feels good to have gotten all that out and off my chest. Back to affirming some time in the near future.

Hope you are all safe and well. Love yourselves and be self care polar bears during this very difficult time.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Looking in the Bathroom Mirror

It never failed. No matter how early Sam got up (and he considered himself a fairly early riser, especially compared to the Pied Piper), there was always-always-at least a four-person line to the bathroom, and, since their hideout only had one bathroom, this was a problem. (Sam would never understand why Len had decided that it was a good idea to buy a house with only one bathroom to serve as a hideout for nine highly unstable people, but he had.) At the moment, he was standing behind Mardon, who was standing behind Mick, who was standing behind Len, who was standing behind a whimpering, dancing James, who clearly had to use the bathroom.

“Who’s in the bathroom?” he asked Mardon.

“I think it’s Dillon, but whoever it is, I hope they hurry it up in there. I haven’t showered in three days,” Mardon replied. Sam frowned. Well, that certainly explained the smell.

“That’s really gross, Mardon.” Mardon shrugged.

“Hey, the less I have to wait in this line, the better.” Sam had to admit that the man had a point. Showering was nice, but it was definitely not always worth incurring the wrath of eight other people.

“I need to pee!” James whined loudly. Sam groaned. Why did James always wait so long to use the bathroom? He knew that there was always a line, and yet he always waited until the last minute to go to the bathroom. Len moved past James and banged on the door.

“You’ve been in there for forty-five minutes, Dillon! You’ve gotta be done by now!” Len snapped. The door opened a crack.

“One cannot rush perfection, Cold,” Dillon’s snooty voice announced. Then the door slammed shut again.

“Fine, but if Trickster has an accident out here because you’re taking nine years in the restroom, you’re cleaning it up,” Len replied. Five minutes later, Dillon finally left the bathroom, perfectly shaved, hair immaculately combed, showered, and fully dressed in a yellow-and-green striped tuxedo.

“Top of the morning, everyone,” he said in a tone that was probably intended to sound cheerful. Then he walked off, whistling “It’s a Small World After All” as he did so. James rushed into the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door behind him, but thankfully, Len managed to close the door before James made it to the toilet. A minute later, James rushed back out again. (He’d taken a fifteen-minute shower yesterday, so there was no need for him to spend a long time in the bathroom.) Len went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Then Sam turned back to Mardon.

“Are you sure it’s only been three days since you showered? Because you reek,” he asked. Mardon nodded, but then he frowned thoughtfully.

“Uh, now that you mention it, Lisa kicked me out of the bathroom before I could take a shower on Wednesday, so it’s actually been more like a week and a half,” he said sheepishly. Sam took a few steps back-and backed right into Digger, who had apparently joined the line in the interval. He also smelled bad, but this wasn’t unusual for him, as Digger had always said that he thought showers and deodorants were highly overrated. Sam sighed. Apparently, he wouldn’t be getting any relief for his nose for awhile.

“G’day, mates!” Digger exclaimed, much too cheerfully for Sam’s tastes (at least at 7:30 in the morning), but Sam decided to engage him in conversation anyways.

“You’re in luck, Digger. Dillon’s already finished,” he told the Australian.

“Really? How long did he take this time?”

“At least fifty minutes, by Len’s clock.” Sam had no idea if Dillon really had been in the bathroom that long, but it wouldn’t have surprised him, as the arrogant elitist never got out of the bathroom in less than twenty minutes.

“He’s got kangaroos loose in his top paddock, he does.” Sam nodded in agreement, used to Digger’s colorful Australianisms. Dillon was many things, but sane was rarely one of them.

“So, who’s in the bog now?”

“Len,” Mardon replied, evidently having decided to join the conversation. As if on cue, Len left the bathroom, still in his bathrobe and fuzzy polar bear slippers but looking decidedly cleaner and better shaved.

“Make that Mick,” Mardon added quickly as the gigantic pyromaniac ducked into the bathroom. At this point, Lisa showed up, wearing her pink satin nightgown and with her hair a tangled mess.

“Excuse me, boys,” she said as she cut to the front of the line. Mardon groaned. Sam understood why, as Lisa took even longer in the bathroom than Dillon usually did, but both men kept their mouths shut. What Lisa wanted, Lisa always got, and no one was about to anger her, her brother, and her boyfriend by refusing to let her cut to the front of the line. Mick left the bathroom about two minutes later (being bald, he was a fast showerer, and he rarely shaved), and Lisa entered. Thirty minutes later, she was still in the bathroom, and Digger had started doing his own variant on James’s bathroom dance. At this point, Mardon’s patience apparently ran out, and he knocked on the door.

“Are you almost done in there, ma’am?”

“No. I’m still applying my makeup. Beauty takes effort-not that any of you would know about that,” Lisa replied.

“Okay, but Digger really has to use the bathroom, so you might wanna hurry,” Mardon said as he backed away from the door. Thirty minutes after that, Lisa finally left the bathroom, hair styled, makeup applied, and wearing a lovely orange dress. Digger rushed to the bathroom, almost knocking her down in the process, and left it thirty seconds later.

“Did you even wash your hands?” Sam asked him.

“Nope,” Digger replied cheerfully. Then he and Lisa walked downstairs, and Mardon entered the bathroom. With all his companions gone, Sam groaned. It would have been so much easier if he could cut the line by using the Mirror Realm, but after he had accidentally “walked in” on Len once, he had decided that the risks outweighed the benefits (especially since Len had punished him for said incident by making him clean out the bathroom for three months) and stopped doing it.

“I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain,” a loud voice sang. Sam rolled his eyes. Despite his lack of talent, Mardon insisted on singing in the shower, and, since Mardon was also very loud, the off-key voice was hurting his ears. Thankfully, the bad singing stopped once Mardon left the shower five minutes later, but about two minutes after that, he yelled

“OW!” and emerged a few minutes later with a large bandage on his cheek. Apparently, he’d nicked himself while shaving. He went down the stairs, and Sam went into the bathroom, took a shower, dressed, and then started shaving. While he wasn’t nearly as particular as Dillon, he still liked to look good (or at least better than Len, Digger, and Mardon), so he was still shaving when the Pied Piper stumbled into the bathroom about twelve minutes after he’d entered it. The small man’s long, red hair was a frizzy, tangled mess, and he looked half asleep.

“Good morning,” Sam said cheerfully as he finished shaving.

“G’morning,” Piper mumbled.

“You’re up early.” Usually, the Piper never got up before 11.

“The roof was leaking.” Piper grabbed his toothbrush and then started to “brush” his hair with it. Sam stared at him. What was he doing?

“Uh, Piper? Why are you using your toothbrush to brush your hair?”

“Huh?” The Piper replied drowsily. He looked at his toothbrush in confusion.

“So that’s why it felt funny.” He put the toothbrush down and proceeded to fumble around for his hairbrush. After a few seconds, Sam handed it to him, and despite being half asleep, the Piper managed to tame the frizzy mess that was his hair enough to pull it into his usual ponytail. He then grabbed his razor and started shaving haphazardly. Sam stayed in the room and watched, both out of amusement and a desire to keep his teammate from accidentally slitting his own throat. When Piper finished shaving, he stumbled out of the room, and Sam followed him. It was definitely time for breakfast. When the pair made it to the kitchen, it was already a disaster area. Dillon and James were already almost finished with their food, Mick appeared to have burned three waffles and was attempting to toast a fourth, Mardon had spilled his orange juice all over the table and Len’s cereal and Len was screaming at him, and Lisa was pouting.

“We’re out of yogurt,” she explained when Same looked at her quizzically.

“Oh,” Sam replied, not sure of what else to say. He moved over to the refrigerator and grabbed two eggs, which he proceeded to start hard boiling, while the Piper blinked slowly, as though unused to the kitchen’s brightness, and then grabbed a banana, which he proceeded to take a bite of without peeling it.

“I think you’re supposed to peel bananas before you eat them, Piper.”

“Oh. Right,” Piper replied sleepily. He peeled the banana, and continued eating it as he stumbled out of the room.

“What’s wrong with him?” Lisa asked, still sounding annoyed about the lack of yogurt as she poured herself a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats.

“He’s not awake yet. Apparently, his roof was leaking, so he got woken up early.”

“What?” Len demanded, apparently having lost interest in Mardon (who was now futilely trying to clean his mess up with a ridiculously small napkin).

“The roof is leaking over Piper’s room, and it woke him up,” Sam repeated. Len groaned.

“Great. That’s just great.” Across the room, Dillon suddenly shrieked angrily.

“You disgusting, loathsome creature! I have told you a thousand times that you should utilize better table manners, and now you have spit food on my tuxedo!” he yelled at Digger (who had been eating his cereal with his face since Sam had arrived in the kitchen).

“Don’t care,” Digger replied (although he had his mouth full, so it sounded more like ‘onto coo”). Dillon stormed out of the room in disgust, and Len smirked.

“Serves that snobby lunatic right.” Lisa scowled.

“Lenny! My boyfriend is not a lunatic!” she exclaimed angrily. Len looked at the ground.

“Okay, so he’s not a lunatic, but he is really weird,” he muttered apologetically. Lisa shook her head and went back to her cereal.

“You were asking about the roof?” Sam prompted.

“Oh, yeah. Who’s gonna fix it? I patched the last hole in the roof, so I ain’t about to do this one, too,” Len replied.

“I’ll do it!” Lisa volunteered.

“No, sis, you’re too little. I don’t want you to get hurt,” Len replied. Lisa scowled and sighed huffily, and Sam rolled his eyes. He would never understand why Len was so convinced that his sister was a helpless little girl when he’d seen her rob banks and fight the Flash, but he didn’t feel like inflaming the situation.

“I’ll do it, boss!” Mick said as he burnt the waffle he had been toasting.

“That sounds good. You’re on roof duty, Mick,” Len replied. Mick saluted and smiled broadly.

“Thanks for letting me help, boss. You’re the best!” Len turned to Sam.

“When you’re finished with breakfast, go buy groceries.” He handed Sam a stack of bills. Sam groaned. The last time he’d gone to the grocery store, he’d run into Iris Allen and only narrowly escaped having her call the police on him, and he had no desire to go through that again, especially since she had also informed him that she carried a pistol in her purse. However, since Len already seemed to be in a bit of a mood, he pocketed the money and continued cooking, only for Mardon to throw up his hands and use his weather wand to create a wind that dried up the spilled orange juice. Unfortunately, said wind also knocked Sam’s hand into the boiling water.

“OW!”

“My bad!” Mardon yelled. Sam glared at him, but decided to ignore his pain and continue cooking. Len muttered something unintelligible that was probably supposed to be vaguely threatening but instead just came off as silly, given that he was still wearing his stupid polar bear slippers, and grabbed an apple, presumably to replace the cereal that Mardon had ruined. He continued glaring at Mardon as he ate it. A few seconds later, James finished eating and cartwheeled out of the room, narrowly avoiding kicking Digger’s face. Digger just continued eating his cereal with his face as though nothing had happened. Lisa finished her cereal and stuck her bowl in the sink, then exited the room, and, about a minute later, Sam finished boiling his eggs. He put them on a plate and sat down to eat them as Mick burned a fifth waffle and grabbed a banana, evidently having given up on being able to toast a waffle. Sam quickly ate his eggs, dumped his plate into the sink, and departed the kitchen. As he passed through the living room, he found Piper passed out on the couch, with the remains of his banana on his face. Sam took a picture, sent it to all the other Rogues (and the Flashes), and then went to his room. He sighed, steeled himself for his mission, and then traveled to the grocery store through the Mirror Realm. Upon arrival, he grabbed a shopping cart and started throwing all the necessary groceries into it. The faster he could get done with the store, the better. Seven minutes later, he was in the checkout line-a new record! He purchased all the groceries (a total of $570), and then started throwing them into the mirror realm. When he was done, he entered it himself, walked to the mirror that he used to get back to his room, and threw all of the groceries out of the mirror realm and into the house. Once this was done, he exited the Mirror Realm himself and used the same system to transport the groceries from his room to the kitchen.

“This is why I always send you to buy the groceries-you’re efficient,” Len said respectfully. Sam smiled. Compliments from Captain Cold were few and far between, so Sam appreciated this one.

“No problem. It’s easy for someone who has my way with mirrors.” By this point, the kitchen was mostly empty, but Digger was still there and shoving his face into what appeared to be his fourth bowl of cereal. Sam wrinkled his nose in mild disgust. Why did Digger have to be so...Digger?

“Doesn’t he ever get full?” he wondered aloud.

“Not that I’ve seen. Could be worse, though. You should see the way our “friends” in the red PJs eat,” Len replied. Sam wasn’t sure when Len had actually seen the Flashes eat, but since the Flash Museum blared the fact that speedsters had high metabolisms on the annoying PA system every five minutes, and he had been to the museum many times in attempts to vandalize it, he figured that the man was probably accurate. A series of loud bangs followed, suggesting that Mick had made it to the roof.

“Good old Mick,” Sam said. Of all his teammates, the brawny pyromaniac had surprisingly proven to be his favorite. He was quiet and friendly, and too dim to betray secrets or jockey for position, so it was hard not to like him, even with his destructive tendencies.

“Yeah, he’s good to have around,” Len agreed. (Last week, he had said that Mick was a liability, but then again, Mick had managed to catch the stove on fire last Wednesday.) The two men left the kitchen together and walked into the living room-only to find Lisa and Dillon standing in the middle of the room, locked in a very passionate embrace. Len walked over to them and cleared his throat loudly in that “I’m-trying-to-get-your-attention” way. Dillon reluctantly broke away from Lisa.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“I want you to stop PDA-ing with my baby sister!”

“Lenny, nobody was here but us until you walked in! That’s not a "PDA"!” Lisa protested.

“Piper’s here,” Len said.

“Yeah, but he’s asleep,” Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. Len whirled on him.

“Whose side are you on here?”

“First, I never said anything to imply that I was on your side, so your question makes no sense, and second, I’m on their side. Your “baby sister” is thirty-three years old and fights the Flash on a regular basis. I think she can handle her boyfriend,” Sam said. Lisa smiled, and Len scowled.

“But he’s a freaking psycho!”

“Who worships the ground she walks on and follows her around like a lovesick puppy? Yeah, not seeing the problem here.” Lisa’s smile widened.

“Thank you for your support, Sam,” she said. She winked at her boyfriend and pecked Sam on the cheek (much to his surprise). He blushed, and Len glared at him.

“Stop encouraging her!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Sam protested, and Lisa nodded.

“Yeah, stop being such a grouch, Lenny. I’ll be fine. If Roscoe tries anything I don’t like, he’ll get a skate to the face,” she said fiercely. Sam mentally reminded himself not to anger her.

“Besides, I am no cad, Leonard. I would never force my beloved to do anything she does not wish to,” Dillon added. As if to prove his point, he stepped a few feet away from Lisa.

“See, Lenny?” Lisa asked. Len just scowled again and stormed off. Upon realizing he was gone, Dillon embraced Lisa once again and the two began making out.

“Uh, don’t mind me, guys. I’m just going to watch some football,” Sam said, and then he quickly exited the room. He had no desire to watch Dillon and Lisa practically eat each other’s mouths. He rushed to the den, only to find that Mardon and James were already there and predictably fighting over the remote as the TV played a rerun of Barney.

“Tell him to watch his stupid Barney show somewhere else! I wanna watch the weather channel so that I can make sure their forecasts are wrong!” Mardon exclaimed. Sam sighed. On a normal day, he would have insisted that they hand him the remote so that he could watch the Central City Cougars (hopefully) defeat the Star City Sea Lions, but the shopping trip had exhausted him, so instead he just said,

“James, as soon as the episode is over, let Mardon watch the weather, okay?” James nodded and smiled evilly. Some sort of Barney-related prank was definitely going to be played on the Flash (and probably Mark as well) in the near future. Sam left the den and went back to the living room, where Dillon was now showing Lisa a jewel-studded top. He ignored the couple and checked on Piper, who was finally awake again but still looked rather exhausted.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“Ha. Ha,” the Piper said grouchily. He disappeared from the room, and then returned with a cup of coffee. While he drank it, Sam tried to ignore the constant giggling and kissing noises coming from the house’s resident lovebirds and awkwardly drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch that Piper was sitting in. About five minutes after Piper finished his drink, he smiled.

“Sorry for my unpleasant behavior this morning,” he said. Sam snorted. Of all the unpleasant behavior this morning, Piper’s had easily been the least offensive. Piper vanished a few seconds later (he was remarkably good at pulling disappearing acts for a man without access to the Mirror Realm or super speed) and then returned wearing a ripped pair of jeans, a green t-shirt, and holey sneakers, which was basically his civilian uniform.

“Uh, hey. Glad to see you up,” Sam said. He didn’t really know how to relate to the idealistic rich kid, so their conversations were usually brief and awkward.

“Thanks. What did I miss?”

“Digger being gross as per usual, a long line for the bathroom, a disaster area in the kitchen, a shopping trip via the Mirror Realm-we have yogurt again now-and Len freaking out when he caught Dillon and Lisa kissing. Oh, and Mardon and James fighting over the TV remote,” Sam explained.

“So, nothing unusual, then?” Sam shook his head.

“Okay, see you around, Sam. I’m going to meet Wally at the homeless shelter,” Piper said, as though a supervillain going to help people at a homeless shelter with his enemy was perfectly normal. Piper was a weirdo, no doubt about that.

“Uh, you have fun with that dumb goody-good stuff, I guess,” he said as Piper left the house. Not having anything better to do, Sam retreated to his room and pulled out one of his well-hidden JSA comic books and began reading it. Although he would never admit it to his teammates (the last thing he wanted was to share Piper’s reputation), he was a huge fan of the heroes, due to having loved their adventures as a child, and he just couldn’t bring himself to stop reading them now. His love of those dumb comics had once made his mother so proud-but no, thinking about stuff like that was stupid. His mother hated him now, and for good reason. The boy she’d raised to be a hero-hah!-had become a villain, so it was better for everyone if they forgot each other. That way, no one would blame her for him. She wasn’t like Len’s dad-she had done no wrong. He was just a creep, and all the chaos in his life was his own fault. In frustration, Sam ripped the comic in half, deposited it in the trash, and dove into the Mirror Realm. At least that way he didn’t have to look at his reflection. He stayed in the Mirror Realm until he heard Lisa screaming.

“Sam, get down here!” Sam sighed, emerged from the Mirror Realm, and went down the stairs and into the living room, where he found Len and Dillon in a Mexican standoff with an angry-looking Lisa in the middle.

“What is it?” he asked exasperatedly.

“Tell them to stop kissing!” Len barked.

“I don’t care if they’re kissing, Len. And even if I did, what would you suggest I do about it?”

“You could dump Dillon in the Mirror Realm,” Len said, sounding far too enthusiastic about the idea. Lisa frowned and Dillon gave Len a glare that could freeze even the Master of Absolute Zero.

“No, thanks.” Sam didn’t particularly like the snobby elitist, but considering the fact that Dillon was telekinetic, he wasn’t about to anger him.

“Sam, tell Lenny to stop treating me like a little kid! He listens to you!” Lisa exclaimed.

“Yes, do, and tell our “beloved” Captain that he is being unnecessarily hostile as well,” Dillon added. Sam sighed. How did he always end up playing the middleman?

“Look, Len, I know you and Dillon aren’t each other’s favorite people, but can you at least try to like each other for Lisa’s sake? Also, Len, seriously, stop treating your sister like she’s ten years old. It’s getting ridiculous, especially since my mom was married when she was ten years younger than your sister is now,” he said, trying to ignore the memories that the mention of his mother brought up.

“I am not doing anything! It is only he who is not trying,” Dillon protested.

“Oh, yeah, then who was it that called me an uneducated piece of trash the other day, your secret twin?” Len shot back. Lisa looked surprised and hurt, and Sam wanted to scream. Why were these people so difficult?

“I was only speaking truth,” Dillon said disdainfully.

“Roscoe, my brother is not trash! He’s a hero!” Lisa exclaimed. Upon realizing what she had said and how odd it sounded, she blushed, but she didn’t retract her words.

“My apologies, darling. I did not realize that your brother was so...highly esteemed in your eyes,” Dillon said gently. He wrapped his arm around her, but she pulled away.

“Of course he is! He was the only person who cared if I dropped dead when I was a kid!” she yelled, eyes sparking with anger.

“But he’s so barbaric,” Dillon protested. He seemed surprised when Lisa slapped his hand and glared at him.

“Yeah, and you’re a freaky weirdo with a top obsession,” Len said. To Sam’s surprise, Lisa frowned at him, too.

“Lenny! Roscoe is not freaky! He’s a gentleman!” Sam snorted. No one who had ever been on the receiving end of one of Roscoe’s attacks would ever have described him as a gentleman, but then again, he had never raised a hand-or even his voice-to his girlfriend.

“No, he’s a snooty jerk,” Len muttered. Lisa frowned.

“Both of you, stop insulting each other right now, or I’ll stop speaking to both of you and kick you both with my skates to boot,” she said icily. Len and Dillon immediately fell silent, something that would have been the envy of police officers everywhere had they seen it.

“Sorry, Sis. I still hate Dillon, but he does make you happy, and he hasn’t hurt you yet, so I guess I should try to keep my mouth shut when he’s not actively being a snob,” Len said.

“And I apologize once again, sweetums. I still believe that your brother is obnoxious, but his raising you allowed us to meet, so I will try to keep the abrasive comments about his background to a minimum,” Dillon added. Lisa beamed.

“See? Friends,” she said firmly. Sam sighed in relief.

“What did you need me for?” he asked her.

“Moral support,” she replied. With that, she and Dillon walked off, and Len turned to Sam.

“Wanna watch football?” Sam shrugged.

“Only if you can convince Mardon to stop watching the weather channel.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll handle it.” The two headed to the den and found Mardon sitting on the couch, staring at the weather channel in utter delight.

“Change the channel to football,” Len barked.

“But I don’t wanna,” Mardon whined.

“Now!” Len barked. Mardon pouted, changed the channel, and left the room. The two watched what proved to be the last six minutes of the game and saw the Cougars lose to the Sea Lions, 29-0.

“Our team is terrible this year,” Sam muttered and turned the TV off in disgust.

“This is why I only watch the Cubs and the Combines,” Len replied, sounding equally annoyed. (He often made this claim, but he always watched the Cougars the following year anyway.)

“I’m starting to think somebody from Gotham put a spell on our team the last time we played them or something.”

“Maybe so.” The Gotham team hadn’t played in two years, due to being called the Jesters, something that had prompted the Joker to turn up repeatedly and attempt to murder several players and the team mascot, but they were still formidable in the minds of the other sports teams.

“You got anything planned, Captain?” Sam asked, more out of boredom than anything.

“Not for another two weeks. Sorry.” Sam groaned.

“You bored?”

“A little. Want to go bother Piper?” Sam asked, not having any better ideas. It beat sitting around in the hideout watching reruns all day.

“Sure. Just let me get dressed.” He left and returned five minutes later wearing jeans and a t-shirt that read “Cold” on the front.

“Subtle,” Sam said. Len shrugged.

“Hey, it’s not like Hartley won’t know who we are anyways.” With that, the two left the hideout and started walking to the homeless shelter. (Sam probably could have used the Mirror Realm to get them there, but most people who weren’t him tended to puke when they were yanked through it, including Len, so walking was for the best.) About ten minutes later, they arrived at their destination, only to be grabbed by an exhausted-looking lady.

“Oh, good, you’re here! Our workers in the kitchen are completely understaffed!” Before Sam could explain that they weren’t there to volunteer, she dragged the two of them to the kitchen, and Sam found himself with dishpan hands. For the next two hours, he washed dishes, in part because the kitchen was so busy that he could barely finish one plate before ten others were shoved into his hands, and in part because he had neglected to bring his Mirror Gun and therefore couldn’t escape through a reflective surface or threaten someone into allowing him to leave. Len, meanwhile, had been more or less pressed into becoming a waiter, and no one had yet listened to his angry protests that he wasn’t a volunteer. Sam sighed. He was never going to complain about being bored again.

“What does Hartley like about this place?” Len asked as another tray of food was shoved into his hands by a smiling teenager.

“Oh, you know Hartley?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Len replied, sounding as confused as Sam felt. What was so special about one volunteer amongst like a hundred?

“That’s so cool! He’s amazing!” she exclaimed dreamily. Len made a face and walked away with the tray, while Sam turned to the girl in the hopes of figuring out why the Piper seemed to be a celebrity here.

“Why do you like Hartley?” he asked, only to have to turn away from her as another person shoved two plates into his hands.

“Because he really understands the people we serve. A lot of volunteers, myself included, have a hard time relating to the people here because we don’t want to come across as rude, but he acts like he’s known them all his life. Oh, and he’s a total babe,” the girl replied.

“Yeah. There’s nothing better than a cute guy who’s also a nice guy,” another girl, who was cooking, agreed.

“Basically, there’s only one guy who’s cooler than Hartley working here, and that’s Wally. We’re really lucky to have a real-life superhero volunteering here, because it encourages other people to help out. He’s great,” the first girl said.

“And he’s super cute,” the second girl added. She giggled, and Sam made a face. The Flash was not cute, and frankly, neither was Piper. How had he ended up in a place where they were celebrities after putting in so much effort to avoid such places? He decided to end the discussion and turn his attention back to the plates. At least they didn’t remind him of how non-heroic he was. About ten minutes later, Len returned, looking oddly pleased.

“Why are you smiling?” Sam asked. Len never smiled.

“I found a new Lisa,” Len replied cryptically, and when the next tray of food arrived, he practically grabbed it out of the cook’s hands. Sam just sighed. He had a weird boss.

“Here you go,” a guy said as he handed Sam twenty plates. Sam wanted to scream at the guy, but knew that Len wouldn’t be happy if he caused trouble off the clock, so instead he just started to wash the new load of plates, trying to ignore the fact that his back was killing him because he’d been standing in place for over two hours. Several minutes later, Len returned, still smiling widely and apparently as happy as a clam.

“Len, I haven’t seen you this happy in ages. Seriously, what gives?” Sam asked as he finished washing a plate and had six more shoved into his hands. (By this point, he was pretty much on autopilot when it came to washing the dumb things.)

“I told you. I found a new Lisa.” Sam scowled. Why was Len being so secretive?

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” he protested. Len smiled again, this time a bit sheepishly.

“Okay, if you’re really desperate to know, I’ll give it to you straight. There’s an adorable little girl out there who looks just like Lisa used to. Her name is Josephine, and she… she don’t have a father worth speaking of, and, well, somebody needs to help her,” he said.

“Um...okay,” Sam replied. He’d long been aware that Len had a soft spot for young kids, but he’d never seen the man take this much of an interest in helping one before today. Supervillains didn’t help people. It just wasn’t done (unless you were Piper, but Piper was weird.)

“I’m coming back tomorrow-and bringing her some presents, if I can get them. Nobody who looks that much like my sister is gonna go without if I can help it.” Sam stared at Len in shock and wondered idly if the Piper had used his flute to somehow brainwash him.

“Whatever floats your boat, Len.” He personally planned to never come back, as, unlike some people (including Len, apparently), he actually wanted to maintain his reputation, but he wasn’t going to rain on Len’s parade, either. Len grinned, took another tray, and then exited the kitchen again. Sam rolled his eyes and kept robotically washing plates. A few minutes later, Piper appeared, beaming.

“I didn’t think you cared about the poor, Sam. I’m glad to see that I was wrong.” Sam almost laughed out loud. Was Piper really naive enough to think that HE would want to help people? Him, the scourge of Central City? What a laugh. There was nothing good about him.

“Actually, I came here to bug you, but then one of the people who I think works here dragged Len and me to the kitchen and I’ve been washing dishes ever since.” Piper’s face fell.

“Well, if you came here simply to bother me, then you deserve your current fate.” The man sounded utterly disappointed, and Sam rolled his eyes for what was probably the twentieth time that hour. Hadn’t Piper figured out that he was the bad guy yet? Did he honestly think he was a good man?

“How’d you even know I was here?”

“Captain Cold told me.” Given Len’s recent mood, Sam wasn’t surprised.

“Of course he did.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to your task, Sam.” Sam stuck his tongue out at Piper’s retreating back and continued washing dishes. Two hours later, he was finally relieved from duty (the shelter evidently really was very understaffed), only to find that Len didn’t want to leave.

“Len, come on! We’ve been relieved from duty! We can go!”

“But I don’t want to leave just yet. I’m enjoying myself.”

“Well, that makes one of us. Now let’s go!” Sam said. Len smiled plaintively.

“At least let me introduce you to Josephine.” Sam groaned.

“Fine.” Len eagerly led him out of the kitchen and up a flight of stairs, where he saw a children’s playroom. A tiny little blonde girl ran up to Len and hugged his leg. Sam examined her and decided that she did, indeed, look a lot like Lisa-and then noticed that she had a black eye.

“Wait… did her father…?”

“Yeah. He did. That’s why I want to help her out.”

“Hi, there, kid. I’m Sam, Len’s friend,” Sam told the little girl awkwardly. He was the last person who should be talking to the kid, what with a) being a villain and b) having a decent childhood, but he figured that he should do something.

“Hi,” she said quietly. Then she buried her face back in Len’s leg.

“Why did she trust you so quickly?” Sam asked. Len looked at the floor.

“I have scars, too,” he muttered, which made Sam feel like a bit of a jerk for being so mystified by Len’s uncharacteristic niceness- this girl reminded him of himself! No wonder he was being nice to her. A brown-haired woman walked up to him. She also looked a lot like Lisa, except for the hair color, and, just like her daughter, she had a black eye.

“Your friend is terrific. My Josephine adores him,” she said.

“I’m glad, but we have to go now,” Sam replied, shooting Len a glare to try to get him to get moving. Len sighed and turned to the little girl.

“I’ve gotta go now, princess, but I’ll be back soon. Good-bye.”

“Bye,” the little girl replied. She released his leg, and Len and Sam left the room and exited the shelter. They walked home, Len still seeming pretty happy, and upon arrival, they found that the roof had been repaired. They went inside-and found Lisa and Dillon making out again. Sam was hopeful that Lisa would be able to keep Len and Dillon in line, but just in case, he prepared to exit the room. He was shocked when Len smiled at them and said,

“Hey, sis? I just wanted to tell you that I’m giving you two my blessing.” Dillon looked at him skeptically.

“What is the catch, Leonard?”

“No catch, Dillon. I still don’t like you, but my sister’s old enough to know what she wants. If it makes her happy to be with you, it makes me happy, too. Sorry I’ve been such a creep, lately.” He shook Dillon’s hand, pecked his sister on the cheek, and walked off.

“What was that about?” Lisa asked.

“As far as I can tell, he has a new person to protect now, so he can see you as the adult you are. I was bored a couple hours ago, so I suggested to Len that we go to the Piper’s shelter to bug him, and he agreed. Bad idea, by the way, because we got forced into working there, but while we were there, he met a little girl named Josephine, and he enjoyed helping her, I guess because they have lousy fathers in common, so now he’s taken it upon himself to protect her, and since she needs help a lot more than you do, he can lighten up around you.”

“Fascinating,” Dillon said, not sounding at all fascinated. Lisa smiled.

“Thanks, Sam!” she exclaimed. She pecked him on the cheek again, much to his confusion. Did she think that he had intended to introduce Len to Josephine?

“I, uh, wasn’t actually planning to help you guys by going there, but I’m, uh, glad that the trip ended up helping you out,” he said. Lisa nodded, and then she and Dillon embraced and started kissing yet again, and Sam went to his room, exhausted. What a day. As he collapsed on his bed, he glanced on the comic book that he had thrown away, and he felt another pang of guilt. If Len could change his spots, and if he could help resolve a family quarrel without even meaning to, maybe-just maybe- he could change his spots, too. He picked up his cell phone and dialed the number that one of his parole officers had programmed into his phone years ago upon one of his many releases from prison. The phone rang for a few seconds, and then someone picked up.

“Hello? Mom? I know it’s been forever, but I was wondering if maybe you could talk.”

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

Personal Opinions on Rapunzel and Cassandra’s Friendship

Ok so this is one post that I’ve been wanting to make for a long time, especially since this is perhaps one of the relationships in the series with the most polarizing views ever (maybe even the number one relationship that is) ranging from people who ship them romantically to people who hate their friendship all together and think that they should’ve never been friends to begin with. So I thought it would be worth a share for me, mostly focusing on S1 and 2. This is not meant to be any hate for either of these girls because they are both among my faves in the series!

ALSO: I will NOT tolerate any hostility or rudeness on this post. If you don’t agree with my opinions, either lets have a friendly, respectful discussion or just scroll by and leave this as it is, thank you!

If you don’t know by now, I personally do not ship them, and never have I since I first started watching the series. I also never interpreted any of their interactions as romantic or saw the two of them as a “potential couple.” I would say this could mostly be due to the fact that I am a hardcore New Dream shipper who strictly believes Rapunzel and Eugene only have romantic feelings for each and I personally don’t think they would have any romantic feelings for anyone else. And I’m also the kind of person who values platonic love so much I also don’t like when they’re shipped (this applies to male-female platonic love as well).

However, I do think that their friendship really made for an interesting story. Now in my opinion, I personally don’t think their friendship was 100% toxic, or devoid of love or happiness, and nor do I think it was entirely a healthy one either, otherwise it wouldn’t have fallen apart by the end of S2.

To start off, I’ve always felt and stand by my opinion that the friendship was very flawed from both sides. The problem with Rapunzel, esp in S1 and less in S2, was that she was a socially stunted teen who was barely out of the tower and barely had time to learn about healthy friendships and boundaries, and this has caused her at several times to unintentionally step on Cass’s personal boundaries, be extremely pushy and at times annoying. Cass on the other hand, as we all know has a super “bitchy”, distrustful personality and has her own insecurities and struggles with self-esteem that negatively affect her own judgments and actions. I feel like a lot of Cass’s trust issues and tough, bitchy exterior stem from her trauma of being abused, neglected, and eventually abandoned by her own mother. I have this headcanon that even though she has no memory of this incident (PTSD can cause a person to forget a traumatizing memory but still continue to suffer as a result of it), she basically has this idea that if her own mother didn’t stay and love her, why would anyone else do so? Cassandra grew bitter to a point where she pushed people away and avoided attachment to avoid the same trauma from happening again. Of course that was until she befriended Rapunzel after Rapunzel persisted in making this friendship happen even after all the pushing away Cass was attempting to do. Based on the canon we got, I would definitely conclude that this was each of the girls’ very first close female friendship in their lives and both had a whole lot they needed to learn in order to grow and build healthier relationships in general. In my opinion, despite the flaws of this friendship, both girls did need it (Rapunzel needed a blunt gal pal who, along with Eugene, could help her discover more of the real world around her and learn more about social interactions, whereas Cassandra needed someone to help her to open up her heart more and know that she is worthy of being loved).

The reason why I don’t agree with a lot of the “Cassandra is malicious and evil to Rapunzel” or “Cassandra’s entire goal and purpose in the whole series (Even in S1 & 2) is belittle and demolish Rapunzel” claims is because I feel like they erase all of Cassandra’s positive traits and great sacrifices she has made for Rapunzel, whether it was their TBEA sneakout adventure which put her at risk of losing her job and home just to make Rapunzel happy or Cass getting her hand charred to get Rapunzel to snap out of the reverse incantation, just to name a few. To also say that Cass was never nice to Rapunzel or never cared for her erases the fact that there were several times she got out of her comfort zone to apologize and make peace with Rapunzel after a conflict (her hugging Raps in Challenge of the Brave after she completely Effed up and in Rapunzel Day One after she opened up about her feeling hurt) or whenever she comforted Rapunzel in her pain (QFAD and BTCW).

As for the claims that “Rapunzel is selfish” or “takes all of her friends for granted” claims, I’m equally opposed to that and they leave an awful taste in my mouth. Rapunzel, as we all know, was trapped in a tower for 18 whole years and has NEVER interacted with anyone besides Gothel and Pascal. Of course Eugene was the first human outside of the tower she interacted with, which throughout the events of the movie and all the trials and sacrifices that they went through, their relationship has so much stability to it. However, not every person Rapunzel interacts will share the understanding she has with Eugene. Rapunzel lacks so much social understanding and skills that there are times she doesn’t know when to have the right type of interactions (remember the bear hug?), let alone experience in royalty. However Rapunzel herself is a major people pleaser and will do whatever it takes to make those around her happy (even if gets really pushy and annoying at times) but she will eventually stop with her pushiness especially when she sees how harmful it can get. Just like Cass, there were several instances where Rapunzel will willingly fight for her, like in BTCW with Adira, even though Cass was technically in the wrong or in Freebird (An episode I’m not a fan of but enjoyed some aspects of it) when both of them fought to save each other or even Rapunzel sacrificing the last egg to turn Cass back.

As for the flaws of the friendship, I would definitely say that alot of it had to do with both lack of proper communication and understanding of boundaries. As we all know Cass doesn’t always have the “fluffiest, kindest” ways of communicating her feelings or her pain and can in turn lash out really badly and come off as condescending and rude. Rapunzel on the other hand, wasn’t really the best at reading social signals (Challenge of the Brave is the best example of super flawed communication and understanding on both sides) or understanding personal boundaries. I personally don’t believe that Rapunzel would “put up someone else’s shit to please them” but she would be more like, if they’re not pleased, Imma force them to be pleased (mostly in a cute, clumsy way, namely Under Raps when she felt the need to constantly “cheer up” Cass or “comfort” Cass in Big Brothers, even when Cass told her she didn’t need it, other examples include Rapunzel’s Enemy with Monty and Goodbye & Goodwill in Vardaros).

However I would say I saw so much improvement throughout S1 and mostly the first half of S2, where we do see them have so many friendly and goofy interactions (In Like Flynn with the pranks, the “game face” in Pascal’s Story, the Island eps, etc).

Then there comes the midseason and this is were I would say the friendship completely fell apart. And I think this is mainly where the argument that Cassandra is controlling over Rapunzel comes into play. Cassandra at the very beginning of the season, as we know the King assigned her with keeping Rapunzel safe, she basically gave up her dream of potentially becoming a guard to accompany Rapunzel. At the same time, Rapunzel is out in the real world outside of Corona and wants to discover more. We see these two have clashes of views and ideals that lead to certain debacles (Freebird is a prime example, tho I personally wish they did something else besides the whole bird plot lol) and then Rapunzel and the Great Tree, especially when Cass expresses that Rapunzel should take caution (which in itself feels "limiting" Rapunzel's desired freedom). I know that there is alot of anger over the argument that Cassandra was belittling Rapunzel by calling her naive (which I agree was a shitty move on her part). But I personally never thought it came from a place of wanting to "bring down Rapunzel and seek control over her" but more of a panic over the fact that they were in a dangerous location and the fact that the gang was nearly killed in it. Adira's points were also valid but Cassandra's insecurity and jealousy of her lead to her reacting hysterically and to make extreme accusations against her. Rapunzel was also stressed from being overwhelmed by the reverse incantation, which also led to her to shut down Cass in an unhealthy, humiliating way.

I feel like this along with the progression of S2 led to the betrayal and I feel like the whole Moonsandra arc should've been more focused on the problems with the friendship and Cass's insecurities rather than the whole Gothel drama. However, I always felt that it was a very complicated friendship that needed lots of mending and better communication on both sides, and I feel like that's where they got to in Plus Est En Vous. Both Rapunzel had grown to better understand social skills, communication, and boundaries a whole lot better than when we first saw her and Cassandra (tho S3 needed much better writing) she had grown to reclaim her self worth and accept that she was worthy of love.

As much as I was upset Cass left Corona, realistically that was what they both needed to give each other space to grow and learn in a healthy way.

[ahtohallan-calling]

I’m a sucker for #46. Argument leading to kissing/sex. :)

“Don’t you skatten min me right now!”

“Anna, I’m sorry, I really didn’t–”

“How could you not notice?”

He threw up his hands, helpless. “I don’t know! I just thought they needed help on their term papers!”

“People write term papers in sweatpants, not– not that!”

“Well– I thought it was sort of odd, but…I don’t know, I’m having a competition with Gabrielle–”

“About what? To see who can seduce the most undergrads?”

“Jesus, Anna,” he yelped as she spun on her heel to glare at him, arms crossed. “Do you really think I would do that to you?”

Her lip quivered. “I don’t know. Maybe. I just– I didn’t expect to come by to pick you up and see two girls in your office just leaning on your desk like that and–”

“What do you mean leaning? They were just–”

“They were trying to show off their cleavage, Kristoff,” she said with an exasperated sigh. “Like I do to you whenever we go out to dinner, and I’m ready to go home and–”

“Wait, what? You do that on purpose?”

“I– what? Did you think I just…accidentally seduce you?”

“Well…I don’t know. I’m not normally thinking too much when it happens.”

She let out an irritated huff, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, there was a hint of amusement in it, too. “I was going to do that today, too. But then I came in and they were–”

“Wait–” he interrupted, “wait, is that why– is that why they give me the chili peppers? Sorry, I– that’s the competition, to see who can get the highest score on Rate My Professor, and–”

“Oh my god. How do you have a doctoral degree?”

“It’s in polar bear mythology, Anna, not undergraduate mating rituals.”

She sighed, dropping her hands to settle on her hips instead, a sign that her anger was slowly but surely fading. “You really, seriously didn’t know what they were trying to do?”

He took a risk and crossed the room to stand in front of her, one that was rewarded when she smiled as he cupped her face in his hands. “Of course not, kjære. I don’t even– there’s only you for me. The thought of them– of me–”

He shuddered dramatically, knowing it would make her laugh, and it did. “It didn’t even cross my mind, my Anna. I promise.”

She sighed and looped her arms around his waist, her anger abated. “Okay. I’m sorry for assuming the worst. But to be fair, you were upset too at my publisher’s Christmas party, remember?”

“When that novelist kept putting his hand on you? Oh, I remember that very well.”

Her mouth curved up into a mischievous smile. “And remember what we did afterward in the bathroom?”

He leaned close enough that his next works ghosted over her lips. “That I remember even better.”

[angryschnauzer]

I’m kinda mad at every celebrity right now, they post their weak lil Instagram post about “we’re in this together” but then they go back to normal doing *almost anything* they want. Yet here I am back to working 40 hrs a week with no increased pay where I’m highly exposed to covid because I am a hairstylist and in close contact with people, not to mention I lost close to probably $1000+ because of the shut down that happened in March and just now getting it back.

Firstly please let me say i’m sorry for your loss. I know of a lot of people that had loved ones pass away during the pandemic, from covid or other things, and not having the ability to say goodbye it beyond our worst nightmares.

And i can understand your rant. The virus has simultaneously affected our minds and bodies, even if we haven’t caught it. On one hand we have the media saying how bad it is (backed up by actual science) and how we should all stay home, and then we have other people that are going out and are completely fine, and even governments saying ‘we must support the economy’. We’re scared. We want normalcy, but there is also the big bad out there and the worst part is we can’t see it, we can’t feel it, we can’t hear it... none of our senses can pick up this threat, so it looms over us, and in an already stressful time we have to make the decision on whether or not we must risk our lives to continue with our live, or stay home and risk loosing our normal life due to modern day stresses of money and shelter being at risk.

I cannot imagine what its been like to experience this pandemic on american soil. Here in the UK we are technically still on Lockdown - even though many regulations have been eased, we are still encouraged to only go out if necessary, still to social distance, wearing masks is mandatory on public transport unless you have a valid health condition (although we are not made to prove it), and many places ask that you wear masks when visiting them. Today i took my son to the hairdressers for the first time in 6 months, he was getting so uncomfortable, his hair is thick and he won’t allow me to cut it. At the salon it was only 1 child & 1 adult customer in at a time (its a kids salon), all adults have to wear masks, all stylists are wearing a mouth/nose mask plus a plastic face shield, plus plastic aprons and gloves, all of which are put in the trash after each customer. hand sanitiser is at the front of the store as you come in, and you leave via the back door (into the loading alleyway), the doors are kept open to allow a through breeze and for air to circulate.  But even through all that PPE, i still have my concerns, the ‘what if’, the should i just have let my son be uncomfortable with his out of control hair? 

At the end of the day it all seems very frustrating, and if i had the money to hire a private yacht and bob around the warm spanish islands, i’d certainly go for that, hell it’d be better than being stuck here in Surrey. I’m sure Celebrities do on one hand feel ‘responsible’ in the way that if they can help encourage to keep their fans safe, then they will, but they are also human, and need to be left to make their own decisions. 

You are however allowed to feel sorry for yourself (i can’t think of a better way of saying that), and hell i *do* feel for you, loss of income, loss of a relative, and at a time of high stress is enough to make us have a mental breakdown. But the fact that you are here, still fighting, still angry, it gives me hope that things will get better. We need to keep that anger, and use it to fight to make sure things change. Whether it be who you vote for, what business you support, what rights you fight for. Take that sadness and turn it into anger, shout, scream, make yourself heard. Stand proud that you survived a pandemic, and when its over, honour your aunt in whatever way she would be proud of.

Ps: I searched ‘hugs’ gif but the only thing that loaded was polar bears fighting with lightsabers... so huh, be a badass bear with a sword of plasma *thumbs up*

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The Toxicity of Kylo Ren and Reylo 

It’s no secret that the newest villain of the Star Wars franchise, Kylo Ren, is a polarizing figure. In fact, there’s a large fanbase that don’t think of him as a villain at all (despite confirmation from cast and crew). If you take issue with that statement, look at the marketing: it’s Rey, Finn, and Poe at the center of the franchise. Not Kylo. Instead, he’s framed as a misunderstood underdog that is undeserving of the criticism he faces.

Now, that’s not to say that Kylo Ren can’t be appreciated as a character. It’s completely possible to appreciate him as a character and not as a person — after all, thinking someone is interesting or well-written isn't an endorsement of their behavior, or a claim that they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

People can be drawn to characters for all sorts of reasons. A lot of people enjoy rooting for the villain simply because they’re a villain. You can appreciate a character's potential, or their personality. It could even be as simple as thinking Adam Driver is good looking, or appreciating his portrayal of Kylo, with that being the reasoning for being drawn to that character. 

Despite all of this, there’s an interesting (and troubling) phenomenon happening with people who have decided to “stan” Kylo Ren — not his potential as a villain, or because Adam Driver is talented, but the character himself, so much so that there is a fundamental misunderstanding (or willful ignorance) of his actions and motivations. 

I’m not apprehensive to call this kind of fanservice toxic, because that’s what it is. There’s something really unnerving about stanning someone who has commited genocide, runs labor camps, and has direct, not-at-all subtle parallels to Nazism. 

Ignoring Canon

The main theme here is that Kylo is somehow “misunderstood,” and not only that, but deserving of a full redemption (and a girlfriend in the form of Rey, but I’ll get to that in a bit). The narrative and what we know about Kylo in canon is a stark contrast to how fandom sees him. There’s this image of him as a down on his luck, unloved, victimized person who has been wronged by the people in his life, which simply isn’t true. 

Kylo is the ultimate example of privilege. He arguably has the coolest parents in the world in the form of Han and Leia. He was, at the time of his turn to the dark side, being taught by Luke Skywalker (his uncle). From the get go, he had the support and resources that we rarely see someone have in the Star Wars universe. 

And for those who like to counter with the argument that Han left Leia and is somehow a deadbeat dad — he did so after Kylo killed the entire group of Jedis Luke was instructing and abandoned his family willingly. You can dislike that decision all you’d like, but it had no bearing on Kylo’s turn to the dark side. 

A more fitting criticism would be towards Luke, who admitted that he sensed something disturbing in his nephew and briefly thought about killing him. I’ll admit that this is fair enough, but for Kylo to react with murdering numerous Jedi students and then immediately joining the space fascists? I’d say this side of him has been lurking under the surface for a while. 

Also consider — was Luke wrong? Dude literally built a device specifically to commit genocide. 

This romanticization of a hard life that never existed is even more disturbing when you consider that there’s another character whose backstory fits this narrative: Finn. 

Finn’s storyline is what certain fans desperately want Kylo’s to be. Finn was kidnapped at a very young age, forced to become a stormtrooper and was embedded in the hateful doctrine that Kylo is such a fan of. Despite being raised in that toxic environment and being indoctrinated with propaganda from such a young age, Finn — of his own volition, before he met Rey or Poe or anyone else — made the decision to resist and break free of the Empire. 

He did this because he felt it was morally correct, at great risk to himself and his well being. He’s been in that environment for his entire life, so he knows exactly what happens to traitors. Despite all of this, he does it anyway. 

Unwanted and Unearned Redemption

There’s also this strange need to advocate for Kylo’s redemption, something that is very clear he doesn’t deserve or want. 

I’ve noticed a lot of fans who are desperate for his redemption call him Ben — his given name — which is both hilarious to me and makes no sense. He literally chose to change his name to Kylo Ren. He doesn't want to be Ben anymore, and he’s made that very clear. 

Leia and Han clearly wanted him to abandon his position in the First Order and come home during The Force Awakens. During his showdown with Han towards the end of the film he’s given a shot at redemption, which he rejects violently by murdering his own father. After this happened it was speculated that this was a sacrifice Kylo had to make to rise up in the First Order, or to prove to Snoke his loyalty to infiltrate the First Order better and ultimately turn against it. 

This was pretty easily disproven in The Last Jedi when he also attempts to kill his mother, Leia, who barely manages to survive. At the end of that same film, he’s also responsible for the death of the definitive hero of the franchise, Luke Skywalker. 

If the theory about Kylo proving himself to Snoke was true, the tendency to murder his own family (and consequently the people offering him redemption after all he’s done) would have ended with Han.

After all of this, he’s given yet another chance to redeem himself, this time by Rey. He turns down this opportunity like he did the others. 

As mentioned before, even without his violence towards those who want to help him, his actions are enough to completely eliminate the possibility of redemption. He’s overseen and advocated for genocide. He’s a member of an actual fascist organization. At this point, there’s no plausible way that he could be redeemed, nor should he be. 

Romanticizing Abuse 

This leads me to the discussion surrounding Rey and Kylo, or “Reylo,” an incredibly convoluted and twisted way to look at romance. 

Reylo fans desperately need Rey to be the one to “save” Kylo, a textbook example of an abusive and toxic relationship. This is the Star Wars version of “She can change him,” making Rey the bearer of Kylo’s emotional labor when he has no interest in changing at all. 

It’s not Rey’s responsibility to bring about his redemption. A true redemption needs to happen organically, of his own volition, and not because he’ll get rewarded with a girlfriend if he does. And, let’s be honest, it’s not a realistic expectation. If he only changes for Rey and not because he realizes that genocide is morally wrong, that’s profoundly disturbing and also selfish. 

Here’s some advice: if someone says they’ve changed only for you and because of their love for you, that’s a red flag. They aren’t changing for reasons that are morally correct, or for anyone’s benefit; they’re changing because their feelings and their feelings alone matter. If Kylo changes because he loves Rey, that is a self serving act for his benefit only. 

Further, what happened to Kylo torturing Rey in The Force Awakens? He kidnapped her, holding her captive, and entered her mind without consent. That’s as clear a metaphor for abuse you can find, and that’s not even my only example. 

In The Last Jedi, Kylo attempts to persuade Rey to join him on the dark side. He tells her that she’s “nothing,” but not to him. To him, she matters. This is very commonly touted as a romantic moment, but the emotional manipulation is more than obvious. 

Kylo doesn’t care about Rey. He says she’s “nothing,” that none of her friends care about her, that she’s worthless to them. By tearing her down then building her up by saying that she’s not nothing to him, he’s enforcing the idea that the only way she can have significance is with him. 

I don’t even mean “with him” in the romantic sense — he pretty transparently only wants her on the dark side for her power. Kylo is a terrible jedi, and he’s witnessed Rey’s prowess a number of times. He only wants her power and skill, not her as a person. 

He murdered her father figure, Han, in front of her, and nearly killed her best friend, Finn; he’s tortured her and manipulated her — it’s never been more obvious that he doesn’t care about her at all. 

If anyone knows anything about abusive relationships, this is the first thing that abusers do. They alienate their intended victim from their friends and family, ensuring that they alone are the only source of comfort. It ensures that if things ever get bad, the victim has nowhere to go and no one to turn to but right back to the abuser. 

What message would it send to little girls and boys if Rey were to end up with Kylo after all of that? Deal with his violence and manipulation long enough and he might change? If I have to spell out why that’s dangerous, I don’t know what else to say. 

In addition — what does this say about how people view Rey? Do you really want her to be with someone who has tortured her, betrayed her, and manipulated her? The answer is that people who want Reylo to be together only care about Kylo, not Rey. 

Toxic Masculinity 

Despite these specifics, the general acceptance of Kylo’s behavior is surprisingly rampant in fandom. His actions aren’t simply excused, but romanticized. He has obvious anger issues, control issues — that scene in the beginning of The Force Awakens when he lashes out and destroys the control panel with his lightsaber? That may as well have been a shot of an abusive, angry man throwing around furniture and punching walls because he has no emotional control. 

Sure, people like Kylo. They’re allowed to. But there’s a clear difference between liking a character and blind endorsement of that character's actions. I know plenty of people who like Kylo as a character, but the difference is if they meet someone like Kylo in bar or see one of his outbursts, you’d call the fucking cops. You wouldn’t ship him with your best friend. That's the dividing line here.

Kylo Ren is a direct parallel to real-world men who lash out because they’re filled with anger and frustration that’s turned into something truly ugly. They lash out at the people who are willing to help, all because they feel themselves robbed of things they think they deserve. Kylo wants power, he wants control, and he cares about nothing else. 

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker hits theatres internationally on December 19, 2019.

[fullmoonfireball]

since I got that advice about writing something else to get past writers block, I figured I’d post this thing. it’s just a snippet of The Ultimate Mission and I don’t think it’s helped much, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I had fun with it anyways

                        “Check it out, J,” Jet Pack Guy greeted, “one very stuck, very nervous polar bear.” He gestured behind him, letting out a dry laugh. Herbert P. Bear, the number one enemy of the EPF was stuck in his balloon’s basket, its ropes tangled in the Ski Lift. “He keeps yelling something about being scared of water. What should we do?”

            Jazz groaned inwardly as she waded towards the Lift. “Let me talk to him.”

            “He’s all yours.” He shrugged. “Let me know if you need my help.”

            “Hey, Herbert!” She yelled through clattering teeth. “Down here!”

            “YOU!” he barked. “Yes, I see you down there! Look at this mess! Why didn’t you stop me from melting that giant hole in the island?! This is all your fault!”

            “MY fault?!” The heat that flared up in her chest let her ignore the cold. “You’re crazy! This is YOUR fault! I tried to stop you!”

            “Listen, you pesky penguin,” Herbert snarled, still struggling against the ropes, “this is no time to argue over petty details. The whole island is sinking and I can’t swim!” He sounded more worried about the latter fact. “So go get your little spy friends and HELP GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!”

            Jazz crossed her arms and turned her back to Herbert. “You know, after everything you’ve done, I’m not sure I should help you.” There was venom in her voice and hints of a smirk on her beak. Man, their usual positions being flipped felt strangely good.

            Herbert let out a frustrated roar. “Oh, this IS a dreadful day! First I make one small miscalculation and destroy the island I’m living on, and now I’m trapped over an ocean of water and have to listen to my archnemesis gloat!”

            “Hey!” She looked over her shoulder, scowling. “You’re the only one who gloats over the misery of others!”

                        “Listen, you fowl fool,” he snapped, “all I have to tell you is that misery loves company, and you’ve made me plenty miserable! Do you know what it’s like being stuck here? Living in a place you can’t stand?!”

            Her expression softened a little, and she bit her tongue. She didn’t hate the island like Herbert did, but it’s not like she couldn’t empathize with him about some of the parts he didn’t like. The cold, the noise... She didn’t particularly care for them either. “I-”

            “Well, it stinks! Now I don’t even have my revenge to comfort me!” Yeah, that response served her right for trying to feel for him...

            “Your revenge?” she deadpanned, raising an eyebrow. 

            “Yes! My revenge! For all the embarrassment you put me through!”

            “Alright.” Jazz turned to fully face him once more. She glared up at him. “Then tell me- does that mean I should take revenge on you?”

            “Well yes, I think it’s-... Wait. I, umm... I mean-... That is…”

            “Maybe I should leave you up there. That’s what you would do, isn’t it?” 

            “Hmm, umm... Well, I suppose...” He was still stammering. “But I really don’t want you to.”

            “And I would’ve loved if you’d let me out of that cage when we met. Enjoy the view from up there, Herbert.” She waded back over to JPG, ignoring Herbert’s objections. 

            “So what is your plan?” He seemed off-put by their conversation. 

            “If I had an iceberg on hand, I’d ship him back to the North Pole,” she remarked dispassionately. “But-”

            “Should we try to arrest him, then?”

            “But,” she emphasized, trying her best to keep her voice down, “I have an idea. What if we told him he had to help us?”

            “WHAT?!” he yelled. Jazz frantically waved her flippers to make him quiet down. “Did you hit your head or something? We can’t trust him!”

            “I know, but we need all the help we can get.”

            “This is completely outside EPF procedure! There’s nothing in the book that allows this!”

            “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. He got us into this mess, so he’s going to get us out of it.”

            Jet Pack Guy’s anger seemed to fade back into his usual sternness. “... I hope you know what you’re doing.”

            She turned back to the imprisoned polar bear, a big forced grin on her face. “Herbert! Good news- we’re going to help you...”

            “Excellent,” he rolled his eyes. “I knew you agents would come around.”

            “... On one condition. You have to help us fix the island.”

            “What?! You want me to HELP you?”

            “That’s right!” Jazz stuck her beak up in the air. “Take it or leave it.”

            Herbert groaned. “I suppose you pesky penguins could use a genius... So be it! I agree to your terms! Now get me down from here!”

            “I look forward to your help, then,” she tittered, taking a better look at the Ski Lift. The ropes holding Herbert and his basket were caught around the part that spun. If the belt were to be removed, he would probably be able to free himse-

            Click click click. 

               Oh. There was Klutzy. The crab scuttled up to her, clicking his claws, and nestled close. He seemed a bit upset, presumably about Herbert, but that distraction didn’t matter. She wrestled with the buckle, but it revolved too quickly for her to take it off. She grumbled in frustration just before a red blur jumped up and cut the leather. 

            Click click click! Klutzy snapped triumphantly. He looked up at her with his little crab eyes. 

            “Do... do you need up, little buddy?” Something about calling him that made her feel ill at ease, but she’d live. He simply clicked more. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

            Jazz picked him out of the water. “Hey, Jet Pack Guy, do you think you can get Klutzy up to Herbert?”

            “If it helps, sure.” A moment later, his jet pack’s engine roared to life, he took the crab from her flippers, and flew up to the bear. 

            Snip! Klutzy cut one of the ropes holding him, and the basket fell to the ground. 

            “Alright, we have to roll.” He landed back on the ground with a splash. Klutzy left his arms in a similar manner.

            “Oh no! I am not going anywhere!” Herbert crossed his arms. 

            “Are you kidding me?!” Jazz fumed. “Why not?”

            “I need some sort of safety water-survival gear!”

            “We don’t have time for this!” Jet Pack Guy retorted. 

            Jazz pinched her beak, letting loose a groan. “Hold on. I’m supposed to look for inflatables, anyways. You all wait here, I’ll see what I can find.”

            “I don’t trust you.” Herbert scowled. “I demand you take Klutzy so he can keep an eye on you.”

            Klutzy scuttered over to her, looking quite eager at the idea. 

            “I’m sure you’ll find a use for his claws, and he’ll probably respond to that obnoxious little whistle you have.”

            “Oh?” Jazz gave the phoniest, most passive-aggressive smile she could, a flipper already on her puffle whistle. “You mean this whistle?”

            Squeeeek! She blew with all her might. 

            “Augh!” Herbert recoiled, clamping his paws over his ears. “Yes, you puny putrid pest! What other whistle would I be talking about?!”

            “I’m sure Chirp could answer that!” Jazz turned, repressing her laughter. Klutzy followed behind her. 

            “Who’s CHIRP?” Could be heard as she left the Ski Village. “Is that another one of your horrid agent friends?!” 

                                    “Couldn’t you have found something less... clownish?” Herbert groaned as he slipped on the water wings. He stepped out of the basket, looking quite unamused. Between those, the inflatable duck stretched around his waist, and the obviously undersized life jacket he wore, he looked positively ridiculous. 

            “Nope.” Jazz answered bluntly. There was no mercy in her for this bear.  

            “I think you look pretty good,” JPG added, barely fighting back his laughter, “for a walking balloon animal.”

            Herbert growled, shooting glares down at both of them. 

            “Alright, we have to hurry,” she explained. “Hopefully Dot bought us some time with her half- or, um, third? Of the job.”

            The sound of water sloshing became audible as someone approached. “Hey Jazz! Hey JPG!” Rookie called, waving his arms as he waded. “How’s it go-oooooh my goodness! There’s Herbert! I found him! And” -he burst into shameless laughter, not even pretending to hold back- “oh man, you look so silly!”

            Herbert huffed. “Says the penguin with a propeller on his hat...”

            Jazz put her flippers on her hips, proud of her work here. “Yep! And Herbert is going to be helping us. So uh, how goes your search?”

            He shrugged. “I haven’t found anything that might be good for plugging the geyser yet...”

            “Hm.” She tapped her beak. “How about you take Herbert with you? You’d cover more ground together.”

            “WHAT?!” Rookie stumbled backwards in shock. 

            “Is there a problem with that? I just thought since we’re on limited ti-”

            “Nope!” he interrupted, standing back up straight. He saluted. “No problem here, sir!”

            She winced. “Please don’t call me that.”  

            “Sorry, boss!” 

            That wasn’t any better, but there wasn’t the time to have this discussion again. “It’s alright, just... Herbert, please help Rookie look for a plug.”

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

The 2020 election will be the COVID-19 election. Voters will almost certainly be asked to condemn or endorse President Trump’s handling of the pandemic — and quite possibly while the virus is in the midst of a fall relapse.

Any year would have been a bad year for a pandemic. But a presidential election year makes it even worse. As elected officials at all levels of government scramble for resources and weigh complex decisions on how to respond, the electoral implications introduce a thorny calculus: How will it all play in November?

Here is the crudest of calculations: If Democrats can successfully associate the substantial harm wreaked by COVID-19 with Trump, they win in November. But if Trump and the Republicans can deflect enough blame elsewhere and Trump gets credit for making things less bad than they could have been, Trump will win.

Democrats have done the obvious so far: Pin all the blame on Trump by highlighting how he initially downplayed the virus and blasting his subsequent stumbles. They’ve also tried to position themselves as the party of good governance. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, for instance, announced the formation of a new select committee that will oversee how the Trump administration manages the $2 trillion economic stimulus package, with a focus on waste, fraud and abuse.

It’s also possible that some traditional Democratic constituencies will be simply hit harder by the virus, too, which could make the fallout of the virus more personal and a stronger point to campaign on. For instance, in blue states and cities like New York City, the virus has hit especially hard, including in poorer and less white neighborhoods. And as the harm becomes clearer, we will almost certainly see echoes of Hurricane Katrina, with its disparate racial and class impacts, but on a much larger scale. These inequalities might reverberate with Democrats’ long-standing criticisms that Trump is a racist — and could yield record turnout along with a persuasive fundraising message.

And don’t underestimate the power of negative partisanship. In 2016, many Republicans held their noses and voted for Trump because they wanted to keep Hillary Clinton out of the White House. That same logic could apply in 2020. If Democrats hit Trump hard enough, unified disdain for Trump might matter more than anything former Vice President Joe Biden promises, bringing Democratic voters together after another fractious primary. Though negative partisanship has been building up now for several election cycles, it thrives on frustration and anger, and 2020 will likely offer plenty.

For Trump and Republicans, much of their 2020 strategy seems to be focused on putting the blame elsewhere — Democrats, the “mainstream media,” China and even some of America’s governors.

Let’s start with one of Trump’s favorite punching bags: the media. In what may be a preview of a Republican electoral strategy to come, Sen. Marco Rubio recently tweeted that “Some in our media can’t contain their glee & delight in reporting that the U.S. has more #CoronaVirus cases than #China.” This argument probably sounds familiar, as many conservative pundits have pushed it since the beginning of the outbreak in the U.S. It’s still possible that the ultimate death toll undershoots the current worst-case scenarios. If so, Republicans could eventually point to the high predictions as fearmongering. But many experts still think the situation could grow much worse, so it’s also a very risky strategy at this point. (Ironically, if the death toll is lower than predicted, it may be because the higher projections themselves scared politicians and citizens into following social-distancing guidelines.)

As for pinning the blame on Democrats, Trump and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell have argued that impeachment was a major distraction during a critical time in February. (Never mind that he was reportedly first briefed on the spread of a deadly virus in China in November or that, after his acquittal in the Senate on Feb. 5, Trump spent much of February downplaying the threat of a pandemic.)

Trump and his allies have also found a scapegoat in China, arguing the Chinese government engaged in a massive cover-up that allowed the virus to spread, which blindsided the Trump administration. The U.S. intelligence community has found evidence that China underreported its outbreak, so this could resonate with voters, especially considering both Democrats and Republicans agree that the Chinese government bears some responsibility for the spread of the pandemic. And if Republicans do pursue this strategy, it builds on a persistent theme of Trump-era Republican campaigns: Blame the outsider. After all, in 2018 Republican campaign strategists ran an aggressive anti-immigration campaign because they believed it was an issue that would help them win. So expect a possible replay of this in 2020, with China replacing the “migrant caravan.”

Trump has also pointed his finger at Democratic governors for failing to stockpile their own supplies. The political gambit appears to boil down to this: Trump thinks he could benefit electorally if he pushes governors — particularly Democratic governors — to say what a great job he’s doing.

Consider Trump’s tussle with Democratic Gov. Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan, who complained her state wasn’t getting the medical supplies she needed from the federal government. Trump responded, “I don’t know if she knows what’s going on, but all she does is sit there and blame the federal government … We don’t like to see complaints.” Michigan, after all, is likely to be a key swing state in 2020. This could certainly backfire, but this is the kind of high-stakes political gamesmanship that a pandemic in a presidential election year engenders.

Then finally, we come to the most dangerous hot potato of all: the administration of the election itself. In order to ensure a safe and fair election, jurisdictions across the country will have to rapidly transition to voting by mail and/or expand early voting.

But Trump and Republicans have already indicated they will be loath to support such measures, as they argue it would hurt Republicans at the ballot box. Democrats, meanwhile, have said that expanding vote-by-mail efforts is the only way to mitigate risks from in-person voting. Political scientists haven’t found any clear partisan advantage to voting by mail (if anything, it seems to encourage participation among more habitual voters). But Wisconsin’s beleaguered primary — which saw partisan fighting over whether to delay the election — could be a harbinger of the difficulties to come.

And if that is the case, November will be a mess in states that don’t get their act together soon — especially in battleground states with divided governments, like Wisconsin.1 (Other likely swing states have divided governments, including Michigan, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Minnesota and New Hampshire.) It’s unclear where this fight is headed, but it is likely to be a high-stakes battle that echoes long-standing partisan grievances over how best to ensure access to voting. And given the logistical difficulties of implementing electoral changes, delays could actually be an effective tactic.

If it’s relatively clear how ugly the tone of the 2020 COVID-19 blame campaign will be, it’s much harder to say how all this will impact the actual outcome of the 2020 election. Trump’s approval rating has remained remarkably flat over the last three years despite the ups and downs of his presidency, largely because of how polarized American politics has become. In other words, very few events move the needle on public opinion anymore. Even the coronavirus crisis has given Trump only a relatively small boost, compared to those of other world leaders and most governors.

Ultimately, the blame games might offset. In our highly polarized era, most voters made up their mind long ago — hence Trump’s consistent approval numbers. But in an escalating arms race of blame, one-sided disarmament would be folly. So brace yourself.

In another world, or at another time in our history, a common threat like a pandemic might have brought Americans together. However, in this hyper-partisan presidential election year with so much blame to go around and so much pre-existing animosity to draw on, that might not be the case.

Instead, the months to come will test not only our health care system and our economy, but also our democracy and our ability to cooperate across party lines to win a novel kind of war against a novel kind of virus. If the road feels bumpy now, the path ahead looks like nothing but an obstacle course. Buckle up.

[darkelfshadow]

Session Summary - 80

AKA “Oyaviggaton - The Island Of Eternity”

Adventures in Taggriell

Session 80  (Date: 6th March 2020)

Players Present:

- Rob (Known as “Varis”) Elf Male.

- Bob (Known as “Sir Krondor) Dwarf Male.

- Paul (Known as “Labarett”) Elf Male.

- Travis (Known as “Trenchant”) Human Male.

Absent Players

- Arthur (Known as “Gim”) Dwarf Male. <Played by Bob>

- John (Known as “Ragnar”) Dwarf Male. <Played by Rob>

NPC

- (Known as “Naillae”) Elf Female. <Controlled by Travis>

Summary

- Sunday, 21st Pharast in the year 815 (Second Era). Late Spring.

- The party begin this session, on the dangerous remote ice lands of the Sea Of Moving Ice.

- Through good luck, the party have managed to locate the large plateau, having randomly picked the right direction to travel. They clean up after their last battle and the party is thanked by the lone tribal ice hunter they saved from the Polar Bears. The hunter gives a carved bone pendant of an animal totem to Ragnar, who places it around his neck, proudly displaying it.

- The party continue walking towards the enormous plateau and reach it an hour later. Stretching far beyond their sight to the left and right it raises one hundred feet above them, the top almost lost in the snow. A small raised shelf on the ground level has numerous tied up canoes, and a large skeleton of a whale is visible. The bones of the beast show large teeth and claw marks.

- The party look silently at the dead whale and the gigantic bites marks on the bones. Trenchant whispers out what everyone is thinking, “Dragon teeth marks.”

- Seeing a well made set of stone and ice steps carved out of a natural chasm in the cliff face, the party ignore this and instead use Trenchant’s Levitate ability to have him take each member of the party up, one by one, and well away from the stairs. They have to leave their Charmed Polar Bear behind as he is too heavy to lift up.

- At the top of the plateau the party find a rugged, uneven and broken landscape filled with rock outcrops and large mounds of ice. The party walk around the top of the plateau for some time, keeping near the edges, until they realise with horror that most of the ice mounds are filled with the dead frozen bodies of dozens and dozens of victims. Men and women of different races, some warriors and some simple folk, but all killed without mercy. Frozen forever.

- With a somber air, the party decide to head into the centre, where the faint smells of cooking oil drift on the winds. Sneaking through the snows and ice formation, the party come across a village of tribal ice hunters set in an enclosed and protected area with larger rocks. The party watch for some time, and observe a seemingly normal village with people going about their daily chores and children running about playing.

- This is not what the party expected. There appears to be no aggression going on, and there isn’t even a proper guard on duty. All the villagers get on with each other in a pleasant and cooperative manner.

- The party huddle up and decide what to do.

- Sir Korndor looks around, “Right group. What’s out plan?”

- Gim speaks, sharpening his axe, “Simple, we go in, kill everything that moves and then find this Maccath lady.”

- Naillae speaks, “Hang on, we can’t do that. Those people aren’t evil. There are children here too!”

- Varis speaks, “Those people could be working for the Dragon. We should sneak in and not reveal our presence. See what’s in that large hut.”

- Gim speaks, “Yes they could be working for the Dragon. So we go in, kill everything that moves and find this Maccath lady.”

- Trenchant shakes his head thoughtfully, “We know nothing about this village but something weird is going on. They are making way too much food for that size village. And we kept seeing them bring food into that large hut in the centre of the village. Where is the food going?”

- Sir Krondor nods, “Yes, we need to find out what’s going on. We have to be careful.”

- Gim nods, “Right, they’re acting suspicious. We go in, kill everything that moves and then find this Maccath lady.”

- Everyone turns towards Gim and glares. Labarett speaks, “That would be no. We wait for night, go in, we talk, we determine what these people are up to and their connection to the White Dragon and Maccath.”

- Everyone turns away from Gim and begins to check their gear. Under his breath Gim mumbles, “I thought it was a good plan.”

- The party wait until nightfall, which in this far northern land turns out to be nothing more than a dimming of the sky as this part of the land at this time of year does not truly have a night.

- The party walk to the village and their presence immediately draws the men of the village who shout out in their strange tongue that none in the party understand. Soon most of the village stands looking fearfully at the strangers to their village. When the Chieftain of the village, Barkingseal, sees the animal totem worn by Ragnar he begrudgingly speaks to the party in broken common and agrees to let the party in for a meal and to stay for one night.

- The party catch the eye of a plain but well dressed female, the village Shaman, Bonecarver, who can strangely speak common very well. As the party try to get away to somewhere more secluded to speak to the Shaman, a large behemoth of a man walks up to Sir Krondor and grabs his shoulder. This giant speaks out in the local tongue and Bonecarver translates that he has challenged Sir Krondor to a one on one duel to prove his bravery.

- Sir Krondor accepts the duel, the terms of which are no outside interference or help, and no magic. Soon most of the village surround the party and make room for a duelling area which Sir Krondor and the giant Ice Hunter, Orcaheart, stand within.

- After Orcaheart nods his head to his opponent, he rushes in and the battle starts. Sir Krondor and the giant man trade blow for blow, each refusing to yield and each holding nothing back. The villagers are shouting and cheering for both sides, as each gets a successful hit.

- Sir Krondor is brought down as Orcaheart tackles him down to the snows, then dropping his simple spear starts to punch into the Dwarf’s head again and again.

- Sir Krondor, his head spinning, reaches out blindly for his shield and grasping it, swings it round to smash into the giant hunter’s head, knocking off him.  Both of them get up slowly and arming themselves anew continue the fight.

- Orcaheart is quick, and sneaky, his skill with the simple spear is remarkable, the weapon almost appears to dance in his large hands. But Sir Krondor, trained Knight Of The Anvil, brings his superior training and knowledge of battle to bare, and in the end knocks Orcaheart to the ground with one final blow to his head.

- Immediately the village explodes in cheers and clapping, shaking Sir Krondor in a show of respect. Bonecarver, administers healing to the Orcaheart and the injured hunter gets up and walks over to Sir Krondor. Orcaheart smiles, a tooth now missing from his bloody mouth and speak, “Unna ca hak, tu in hina. Maki”

- Bonecarver smiles and translates, “He says you are now his worthy brother.”

- Sir Krondor smiles and bows his head, bringing his battle axe up to his head in salute. Orcaheart steps towards the Dwarf and before he knows what is happening almost crushes him in a friendly bear hug.

- The party now follow Bonecarver into her private large hut, filled with brewing supplies and equipment. Various potions line the shelves. She explains to the party that the village is under the watch of the “Old White Death”, the White Dragon known as Arauthator. The people were forced here by the dragon and they must do his bidding or else be killed. They grow food for him and his helpers, Kobolds, Ice Trolls and blue frog like creatures that the party are not sure exactly what they are. They now call this place “Oyaviggaton” which in their language means the “Island Of Eternity” because of the many victims that the Dragon has frozen on the plateau, to be on display forever.

- Bonecarver tells the party she had a vision they would save the village but the Chieftain does not believe the vision and will not risk any more lives of his people. He intends to tell the blue ones about the party in the morning and they will be taken and captured, so as not to anger the Dragon. Bonecarver reveals a hidden pit and stairway in her hut, that leads down into the ice caves below and eventually into the lair of the “Old White One”. She begs that the party free her people. She confirms that the “Horned Lady”, which must be Maccath, is down below somewhere.

- The party accept some potions from Bonecarver and then make their way down into the ice caves. The floor is very slippery and the they are having trouble walking about. The walls here are carved with beautiful and detailed imagery, showing scenes of dragons. Whoever carved these walls was an artist of some skill.

- Exploring the many rooms and passages, the party come to a large chamber where a group of sleeping Kobolds rest peacefully. The party sneak in and begin butchering the unarmed and sleeping Kobolds. The small, defenceless creatures awaken and try to flee but the unrelenting party show no mercy, cutting down the unarmed small creatures. They kill all but one, who manages to flee, screaming in terror at the brutal slaughter.

- The party start to search through the belongings of the dead Kobolds and find no weapons or armour, but instead carving utensils and artisans tools. A quantity of tusks are found, each carved with the same intricate and skilled level of detail as shown on the ice walls all around them.

- The party look around at each other. Labarett speaks,  “I think we just killed a bunch of unarmed artisans.”

- Naillae looks pale, “I think I’m going to throw up.”

- Trenchant speaks, “We keep doing this. Are we the bad buys? Are we racist against Kobolds?”

- Ignoring the moral dilemma for now the party continue searching and discover the Kobolds are wearing leather thongs and straps with small animal beaks inserted into them on their feet to help walk on the icy ground. The party strap these to their feet and can now walk easily.

- Before they can leave however, two Ice Trolls walk into the chamber and a battle ensues. Though large the creatures are very dumb and the party quickly bring them down, using fire to stop the trolls from regenerating.

- They continue exploring the ice caves, coming to numerous caverns. One of which is filled with frozen animals and creatures that show obvious injuries from a large beast, like a Dragon. These frozen animals are displayed like trophies. When the party see a reassembled wooden sailing ship, with a large open chest filled with treasure, they do not touch it, suspecting a trap.

- Continuing to explore they eventually come to a well lit room with a colourful tent to one side. But before they can investigate the unusual presence of this tent, they are attacked by two more Ice Trolls. Once again the party finish them off and keep the creatures down, thanks to using lit torches, but how many torches do the party have?

<And as the party stand over the two dead trolls, fire burning the creatures, that is the end of the session.>

XP Allocation

Group - Combined (This is equally divided by the number of players who were involved)

Quests (Only quests that are completed or rendered undoable, during this session, are shown here)

- “Not all who wander are lost” Reach Oyaviggaton = 500 XP

- “Danger is the source for prayers” Enter Ice Caves without alerting Arauthator = 3000 XP

Creatures Overcome

- Kobolds = 500 XP

- Ice Trolls = 7200 XP

Individual (This is only given to that person and is not divided amongst all players)

Special Bonus (Outstanding Role Playing)

- “I’m not left handed” Accept & Defeat Orcaheart in a Duel = 500 XP <Sir Krondor only>

XP Levels and Player Allocations

Player : Start +  Received = Total  (Notes)

Rob : 96918 + 2000 = 98918

Arthur : 78186 + 1200 = 79386

John : 71302 + 1200 = 72502

Travis : 88641 + 1600 = 90241

Paul : 77517 + 1600 = 79117

Bob : 83945 + 2500 = 86445 (Level up to Level 11)

NPC (Naillae) : + (800)