#we were trying to convince my mom to sign me out of school and we went around the row and recorded ourselves asking my mom to sign me outope

[a-simple-imagine]

Perfectly Pathetic Pt.2

synopsis: you try to fix things with cady while maintaining your friendship with the plastics

pairing: regina george x fem!reader, elements of cady heron x fem!reader

words: 6.6k (6666 to be exact)

A/N - it’s here at long last besties!! get it while it’s hot because i might delete later idk how i feel about it

WARNINGS - swearing, toxic relationships and general toxicity, d-slur, and bullying

PREV //

come Sunday, you wake up with a throbbing head and zero energy left in your body but memories sit crystal clear. you remember Regina trying to come onto you. her scaring Cady away. Gretchen rubbing your back as you listen to her whine about Jason for the millionth time. weird night. you check your phone but don't bother to reply to anyone except Karen who wouldn't stop sending you explicit details about some reality show she was binging. but alas the weekend was over and you're forced to brave the embarrassment of going back to school after a party. happens every time. people do dumb shit and are forced to face it on Monday.

the first person you come across is none other than the red-headed new girl herself. you have got to imagine she is mad at you after what happened; the lies Regina told. it was not your fault but you should probably try and make peace.

"Hey! New girl," yelled down the hallway, you walk a little faster in order to catch up. you watch her glance around a little confused as you approach.

"Oh," her expression seems to neutralise as she realises it's you. "hi."

"did you have a good Sunday?"

"it was alright," the fact she was speaking to you was a good sign. "I spent it with my mom."

"cute," you flash a smile. Cady was clutching her books pretty tightly. "I thought we should maybe talk about Saturday."

"We don't have to to."

"but I want to," you insist. "please?"

"Regina already told me,"

"Regina is a liar," you blurt out. hopefully, that wouldn't get back to her. "I don't know what she said exactly but it's not true," she looks at you with curious eyes. "I wasn't stringing you along or anything,"

"Sure,"

"I like you, Cady. you're... different," you express. "I wanna be your friend. and I was really happy when you showed up at the party,"

"Really?"

"mhmm," you hum, nodding to prove your point. "cross my heart." you mime the action of drawing a cross across your chest. you're not sure they're gonna forgive you but the bell for homeroom would ring at any moment so time was running out.

"Okay," replied after a moment. a small smile that's quick to fade.

"do you want to finish working on our assignment later?" you ask.

"Sure," they shrug. "meet you out front?"

you're not entirely convinced you're forgiven but you'll take what you can get. you're about to respond when your eyes spot Gretchen amongst the crowd. you lock eyes for a second before she bolts in the opposite direction. with a heavy sigh, you charge after her.

"Gretchen." yelled down the hallway causing a few heads to turn. people naturally darted out of your way but you almost smashed into a few people. "Gretchen," is she getting quicker? "will you just stop?" the answer was apparently no because she just kept going until you manage to grab her arm forcing her to stop. "what the fuck?"

"oh hey, I didn't see you back there." she lies, offering a less-than-genuine smile.

"I was literally yelling your name?" your brow furrowed. you could almost see the gears turning in her head trying to come up with some kind of excuse.

"Sorry, I'm tired- mustn't have heard you." was that the best she could do? you just roll your eyes.

"Can you not tell Regina I was talking to Cady."

"Why?" she asks despite already knowing the answer.

"Please, Gretchen? it's really not a big deal, okay so let's just keep it between us."

"I said you should stay away from her and you ignored me."

"I know and you were probably right but," you shrug. "it's too late and besides, I have to do a presentation with her, that's why we were talking. you can even ask Karen."

"I won't tell anyone." that was a lie. She won't tell anyone except Regina obviously. always trying to be in her good graces.

"if you promise not to tell, I'll... tell Jason something bad about Taylor? like she has crabs or something?"

her eyes light up at the prospect. "really?"

you nod. Taylor had never liked you so you weren't exactly on the best of terms and if making up some rumour about her gets Gretchen off your back then great. "but you can't tell Regina, deal?"

"deal," Gretchen smiles brightly. thank fuck for that. you start walking together now. "so what happened at the party?"

"don't you already know?" you tease. "thought that pretty little head of yours knew everything."

"I'm working on it."

you shrug. she'd probably find out eventually. "nothing really. Regina told Cady some stuff about me."

"that you don't like her and are only pretending to be her friend?"

"so you did already know,"

"I don't know what you see in Cady."

"I don't know." she just wasn't like anyone else. a new avenue to discover. most of these people you've known for years. the bell rings out and suddenly you remember you were supposed to drop off a take-home quiz by homeroom today. you had actually done it but forgot it was in your locker. "oh shit,"

"What?"

"I just forgot to hand something in i'll see you later," with a quick wave goodbye, you rush off back the way you've come. it wasn't like you were bad in school or anything. just sometimes you'd forget to bring in homework. one... or four late quizzes later and suddenly Ms. Norbury is giving you extra work to make up for it. it's not like you have a life or anything. As you grab the paper from your locker, Karen Shetty emerges.

"Morning," sang dazzlingly as she shoved your locker door closed.

"good morning," you smile softly, a glance over her outfit. "you're particularly chirpy today and look great,"

a tiny theatrical gasp, she puts a playful hand over her chest. "thank you,"

"where did you get the cardigan?"

"thrifted it,"

"oooh, I love that," you say. "also it goes so well with that super cute bracelet you're wearing,"

"Aw thanks, my friend made it."

"that's so cute, she must be a really great friend," you tease.

"she is," Karen nods. "where are you headed?"

"I gotta drop this off to Ms.Norbury or I'll fail math,"

"Can I come?"

it wasn't exactly an exciting trip so you don't know why she would want to? plus you were late for homeroom now. "I guess?"

"did you have fun at the party?" Karen inquiries as you begin towards Ms Norbury's homeroom class.

"it was alright,"

"I heard you got into a fight with Regina,"

"hardly a fight," you sigh. it was gonna be a very long day. "it's fine. you know how she can be,"

"was it over Cady?"

"Why does everyone suddenly care about Cady?" you stress. "it really doesn't matter."

a shrug. "I heard from Gretchen that Connor is grounded now because he didn't tell his parents about the party and they found out because somebody was sick in like a vase or something,"

"ew," you giggle, scrunching up your nose in disgust. "like they just found cold vomit in a vase?"

"mhmm," Karen nods eagerly. you make a fake gagging action as you knock on the open door. why is it always so awkward to walk into an already full classroom? ms. Norbury invited you further inside and you can't help but look at the people staring at you.

"so you do know how to hand things in on time," you resist the urge to roll your eyes. "great. now if you can just do that all the time."

"I make no promises," you answer, placing your homework down on her desk. when your eyes meet Cady's she waves a little. you flash a smile.

"come see me after school and I'll let you know how you did and if I need anything else from you,"

"Okay," you sigh. wasn't your first extra credit quiz. nor your last probably. you leave the classroom quickly, grabbing Karen's hand. she'd been waiting at the door.

"lots of people in there,"

"yeah because we're supposed to be in homeroom," you advise her.

"I didn't hear the bell,"

oh, Karen. "just come on."

it was a rather lifeless day thank god. you were grateful for the peace. and ms. Norbury hadn't given you any more work. you still had your tutor sessions but they never bothered you too much. now you're sitting staring at your laptop pretending you're doing research. Cady is scribbling in her notebook. Once again you're bored. and you can't help but watch Cady and wonder if she really has forgiven you. sure you were together right now but only because of this stupid presentation. you sit up a little straighter, taking a sip from your water bottle. "are you mad at me?"

it's sudden and she seems perplexed as she glances up at you. "huh?"

"I don't want you to be mad at me"

"I'm not mad," she urges, going back to her little scribbling. "you said Regina was lying, I believe you."

"just like that?" it seemed too easy.

"just like that,"

"how do you know I'm not lying about Regina lying though?"

"I don't." a shrug, she looks at you. "I'm just trusting you so can we please get back on track." you're not sure you would forgive someone as easily as this. it seemed naïve. or maybe she was just a better person than you. either way, this was what you wanted so...

"This is so boring," you whine loudly, pushing your laptop away so you can dramatically collapse against the table.

"if you actually help instead of complaining, we'd get it done quicker."

"Cady," you sigh loudly. "let's not, I'm just here to be pretty, okay? I shouldn't be forced to do homework too."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," you sit up properly once more. "ask away."

"Why do you hang out with Regina?" the question catches you a little off guard. why did she wanna know that?

"What does that have to do with the book?" you counter, a playful raise of your brow. "if you stayed on topic, we'd get it done quicker."

"I'm serious."

you shrug a little. "why wouldn't I? She's like one of my best friends."

"why though? I've seen the way she treats you,"

"you just don't get Regina," very few people did. sure she was kinda mean and pushy, you'd never deny that but the rest of the school didn't get to see her other side. which was also kinda mean but a tad softer. the blonde was fierce. if someone fucked with you, or Karen, or even Gretchen, she'd go to war. you've watched her destroy girls just to prop Gretchen up to Jason. maul boys for making fun of Karen. you only got away with half the shit you did because you were friends with Regina. maybe she kept you around because you showered her with love and attention but she, in her own way, gave it right back. "she can be a lot but she's really cool."

"she's horrible to literally everyone."

"yeah but that's like kinda funny," Cady gives you a look suggesting she doesn't agree which was fair but she didn't exactly pick the nicest people to be friends with. Damian was funny in class and you liked to tell him gossip that Gretchen told you. you never really spoke to Janis too much but you've seen her around. heard what she says about you. She makes jokes right to your face. "don't act like Janis doesn't do the exact same thing. why do you hang out with her?"

"That's different,"

"is it?" you challenge. "or is Regina just popular?" Cady seems to not have an answer because she goes back to the book. "she's my friend and I like her. simple as."

"I'm sorry for asking,"

"Don't worry about it," you weren't particularly angry. you knew how people viewed Regina. a mixture of high admiration and fear. "So did you enjoy your first party?"

"yeah. not exactly what I was expecting,"

"they're not all like that," you urge. "sometimes they're fun. sometimes you wanna stab yourself in the eye to get out of it."

"did you have fun?"

"fun is not the word I would use but it was an experience," After Cady left you kind of just sulked with Gretchen until Karen found you and insisted you had to dance together. you spent the rest of the night with her. "I'm happy you came. I wish Regina hadn't messed everything up."

"sorry I left."

"you don't have to apologise." you smile. "we're hanging out now even if you're making me do homework. and there's always next time."

"I'm not making you do homework," Cady argues. you just smile. shuffling along the bench so you're right beside her. She has the book open in front of her and a notebook full of scribbles. you repeatedly tap the notebook with your finger.

"Are these not notes for our project? is that not homework?"

"yeah but these are my notes," she expresses, snatching up her notebook to place on the side away from you. As your eyes meet, you can almost pinpoint the exact moment she gets flustered. a dusting of pink gracing her cheeks. "you're just fucking about."

a dramatic gasp before a smile takes over. "I would never."

Cady smiles and before you have time to react she is leaning in to connect your lips in the softest of embraces. it reminds you of the first time Regina kissed you. only it never had the chance to become anything more before you pull back.

"Sorry- I didn't. I don't know why I did that." that dusting of pink is now a deep shade of red. panic in her voice. eyes firmly on her homework. you're unsure of what to say exactly. you liked Cady. maybe even the same way she apparently liked you. but you just weren't sure yet.

"It's alright, don't worry about it," you express. "uh... should we get back to the book?"

you weren't mad or upset with Cady. her kissing you had just left you feeling... weird? so even as you parted ways and you got texts later in the evening, you couldn't bring yourself to reply. you just needed some time to think.

Lunchtime is weird. Everyone is quiet. Painfully quiet. Karen and Gretchen are just eating their lunch. Regina is staring at the label of her yoghurt. you're sat there anxiously like a child bursting with energy. this was so unlike them. "can someone just talk already," you blurt out. a little startled, everyone looks at you. "sorry. just nobody is talking and it's freaking me out. normally Gretchen never shuts up."

"why are you even here?" Regina asks, twisting the dessert in her hand. you wish she'd just eat it instead of inspecting it.

"why wouldn't I be?"

"shouldn't you be over there with the pyro-dyke and her band of freaks." her head nods in the direction she means but her eyes never leave that stupid label. the nickname referred to Janis and Band of Freaks must mean Cady and Damian.

a sigh. "you're being ridiculous,"

"I'm being what?" Regina asked firmly. her yoghurt placed down slowly as her eyes zone in on you. sharp and daring. Karen gently nudges your leg with hers but you're not sure if it was an accident or a warning. you glance at her and then at Gretchen who is keeping her eyes firmly on her food.

"nothing. sorry," you say softly.

"stand up," voice low but commanding. you can't tell if she's serious so you remain seated. watching her. "stand up. now." she was louder now. attracting attention. putting on a show as various people looked to see what the commotion was. "you wanna run around with freaks and lesbos, then go."

"Are you-"

"go." you swallow hard. willing yourself not to crumble under the pressure of everyone's gaze. you could argue back but you know better than to challenge her when she's this pissed off. so you just push up, grab your tray and leave the table. you lock eyes with Janis along the way who is next to Cady. you can't join them like Regina so angrily implied, it'd just make things worse for them and yourself.

your last few classes of the day are spent wondering what you've done to piss off Regina today. you've hardly even seen her. maybe Gretchen told her about the hallway yesterday? She promised not to plus this seemed like a massive overreaction. you're at your locker, grabbing your stuff when Gretchen approaches. "Regina said if you can behave yourself you're allowed to come shopping with us,"

"hello to you too Gretchen," you slam the metal door shut. "no thank you.."

"Seriously?"

"she basically banished me from the cafeteria today, why would I wanna go anywhere with her?" you ask but it was mostly rhetorical as you start down the hall.

"you know she was only joking," the brunette trails after you.

"was she? felt pretty real to me,"

"that's just her humour," Gretchen assures you. "you have to come. Regina will be upset,"

"Regina doesn't have emotions," you fire back, pushing through the double doors, you almost collide with another person. "Jesus, watch out."

didn't take long to realise who it was. "it's Karen actually,"

"I know your name, baby" you pat her shoulder. "why are you right outside the door?"

"waiting for you," she takes your hand. "we're going shopping."

"I don't wanna do that," you express but Karen is already leading you towards Regina's jeep. "Karen, let go" you groan but put up little resistance. the blonde is leaning against the side eyes on you as you're being dragged across the front lawn.

"you found her then," the blonde comments, pushing away from the metal of her jeep. "thought we'd have to start putting up lost dog posters or something."

"why am I even here?"

"Isn't it obvious- get in the car." Regina climbs in and everyone else does the same. "we need someone to carry the bags."

why were you here? why had you given in so easily? You didn't even want to go shopping and now you're staring at yourself in the wall-length mirror of a dressing room, trying on outfits. with a heavy sigh, you step through the curtain

"what do you think?"

"you look great," declares Gretchen.

"beautiful," an eager Karen. She had picked it out.

Regina turns from the large mirror at the end of the space where she was inspecting the dress she was trying on to you. "ew." is all she says before turning back.

"yeah, I never liked it," Gretchen remarks quickly.

"try this," Karen shoves a hanger in your hand before pushing you back towards the dressing room. you stare at your reflection once more. you didn't think it looked too bad but maybe Regina was right. it wasn't exactly your style but that's because Karen picked it. it was more you than most of the outfits she tried to get you to wear... it did sit a little weirdly. you can hear Regina talking to the girls, sending them each on an errand. and then it's silent. you begin to undress when the blonde calls your name. you stop what you're doing. She says it again and you walk out.

"what's up?" you question cautiously. you weren't about to let your guard down around her.

"what do you think of this dress?" the blonde spins to face you. hands on her hips. your brow furrows. why did she want your opinion? your eyes drift. taking in Regina. notice every curve. She really was a sight to behold.

"looks good."

"That's all I get?"

"What were you expecting?"

The girl turns back. "A shower of complements but guess you're not even good for that anymore."

"I said it looks good?"

"I'm done with you now. go change out of that ugly outfit already."

you wanna say something but you decide to just bite your tongue and head back into the dressing room.

come the weekend, Regina is out of town with her parents which means you've ended up with babysitting duties. Gretchen and Karen had both decided they were coming over to your place. you didn't mind. so now you're loitering on the bed with your back against your headboard scrolling through your phone. Karen is snuggled up in half a blanket using your lap as a pillow also scrolling through her phone. it's silent but comfortable. Gretchen vanished about ten minutes ago and hasn't returned. "do we have to start hanging out with Cady?"

"What?" you glance down from your phone. 

"I don't wanna hang out with her, she's creepy."

"that's not very nice, Karen," you scold. "but no. why would we?"

"Because you're like a thing now," Karen answered, pressing her phone to her chest. She meets your stare. "you kissed"

"excuse me?" your heart practically skips a beat. you undoubtedly hadn't told anyone that Cady kissed you and you're almost certain she hadn't.

"what? Gretchen told us that she saw you and Cady making out after school on Monday," Gretchen fucking weiners. of course. but how did she know?

"by us you mean?"

"me and Regina," fuck.

"When was this?" you wonder. and as if summoned on cue, Gretchen emerges through the doorway and you can't help but raise your voice. "you told Regina I was making out with Cady?"

"What?"

"Karen told me so don't lie," you demand. "I thought we had a deal."

"I didn't tell her about the hallway."

"Are you stupid?" you press. Gretchen sits on the edge of your bed, fluttering her eyelashes.

"I'm sorry," a hefty sigh. the girl shuffled up the bed so she was beside you. "are you mad at me?"

"Obviously."

"but you love me?" you don't reply and she nudges your shoulder with hers. "right?" you stay silent, glimpsing at her withan empty expression. you did love her but you were pissed off with her right now.

"look at this," Karen shoves her phone straight up and into your view. it shows a picture of herself. you assume she had just taken by the outfit.

"adorable," you smile walmly but it quickly fades. Gretchen had very much fucked you over. That day with Cady, you hadn't seen anyone around other than a few stray students. why was Gretchen even still there? and why hadn't she asked you about it before telling Regina?

"did you see what Kelsey posted today?" Gretchen questions, pulling out her phone. "it's so pathetic. like she's clearly doing it just for attention." you let your head fall back against the wall as Gretchen proceeds to talk in your ear. your mind drifts to the day in the cafeteria when Regina embarrassed you in front of everyone. you had thought it was an extreme reaction to a conversation in the hallway but turns out it was because of the kiss. was she that jealous of the idea of you and Cady? That made little sense when she was running around with Shane.

"Does Regina hate me?"

"of course not," Gretchen insists, a comforting hand placed on your shoulder. "you know anger is basically her love language. she just cares a lot."

"Regina thinks Cady is a freak," Karen contributes. "and that you hanging out with her makes us look bad."

"We were just doing homework."

"I saw you kiss her," Gretchen retorts.

"she kissed me,"

"you have been hanging out with her a lot," Karen states

"and you invited her to Connor's party," Gretchen resumes.

"yeah but..." you trail off because you really don't have a comeback. All those things were very much true. "this is stupid."

"if you had just listened to me-"

"Jesus, we get it Gretchen" you huff sharply and then feel bad for it. "sorry but you have to stop saying that- I should be able to talk to a girl without it being the end of the world."

"maybe talk to less weird girls?" Karen proposes brightly. "like me.... or Gretchen.... oooh or Regina."

"Thanks for the suggestion." you tap her nose gently, making her face scrunch up. "but I meant other than you three."

"you can talk to whoever you want," Gretchen reassures you, dropping her head to your shoulder. "as long as Regina approves."

"you sound insane,"

Gretchen shrugs. Karen's attention has returned to her phone. and you were suddenly so aware of how insane being friends with Regina George truly is.

the bell for first period has you walking down the hallway towards your history class. you share it with Gretchen who you haven't spoken to since Sunday. you're still mad at her.

"Hey, can we talk?" your brow furrows a little. it was Regina. and you were still mad at her too for last week.

"I have to get to class," you huff but she doesn't take the hint; instead she takes your hand and drags you straight into the nearest closet. it smelt like chemicals, dust and... vanilla. you imagine the vanilla is the girl, not the room.

"what the hell?"

"Just give me a minute,"

"why are we in a closet?" you wonder. it was cramped. a painfully buzzy lightbulb hung over head, flickering through an array of intensities. shelves full of supplies.

"I'm sorry, okay?" your eyes were looking anyway but at her until now. staring into blue-green eyes. did she just... apologise for something? was this a dream? your dreams never normally included Regina apologising but that seemed like the only way this could be real. "I'm sorry I got mad over you and Cady. you've just been acting weird since she joined"

"Are you... fucking with me right now?""

"what? I can't apologise?"

"I never said that," you did imply it but you would never say it. "I'm just confused." a shrug of your shoulders.

"I just don't like it. I don't like her," she wasn't about that. you weren't confused about her feelings towards Cady. you were confused as to why she was apologising for it? also, why do you have to do this in the closet? couldn't you have done this in a place with such a dizzying aroma? "I get like angry when I see you together. and then when Gretchen told me you kissed her-"

"she kissed me."

"Whatever," a dismissive wave. "I mean, it just was a lot y'know."

"not really" Your brow furrows.

"you're not that fucking dense, are you?" as the blonde takes a step forward, you take a step back crashing into a bucket and mop. She grabs your wrist. maybe an attempt to save you? "careful." said much softer. caring almost. it makes you suspicious. more so than the apology you hardly believed in the first place.

"we're gonna be late for class," you answer quietly. you try to pull your arm away but her grip doesn't falter. it's firm and tight; possessive almost. "Regina, please,"

"you promised to stay away from her," Regina mentions softly. you think back to that day. Regina straddling your lap. hands on your chest. moving against you. soft lips. it makes you blush. she pulls you closer. "promised you didn't like her more than me." her other hand gently cups your cheek. "was all that a lie?"

"no," you shake your head slow and stern. "no. i-"

"you kissed her." stated firmly.

"she kissed me," you argue back. her fingers press a little harder into your cheek.

"don't remember asking," expressed as she leaned in close. hot breath hitting your skin. vanilla fills your nostrils. "tell me you love me," whispered. you swallow hard. "please."

"Regina..." grip on your wrist tightens.

"go on."

"I... love you," you sound more confused than sure.

"more than cady?"

"you're my best friend,"

a once gentle hand now grips your chin. "more than Cady?" asked again.

"uh... more than Cady,"

"say you're obsessed with me." her lips loom mere inches from yours threatening a kiss.

"I'm... obsessed with you." her eyes are so intense, it's kinda scary. it's always treacherous being so close to her.

"Good," her lips press into yours. fierce and strong. but gone just as quickly. "I'll see you at lunch." she lets go and leaves without another word. The door to the closet closes with a click. insane. you remain for a few minutes. a little lost. a little confused. then you leave for class.

sat at a table under the beautiful shade of a massive umbrella during your free period. Cady is opposite. Gretchen was supposed to be here too but you don't know what happened to her. probably worried about sitting with Cady. "why are you doing work?"

"It's a study period. you should also be doing work,"

"It's almost lunchtime don't be ridiculous," you groan loudly. the bell rings mere moments later bringing a smile as the animals are released from their classrooms out into the wild. "see."

"you didn't do anything,"

"never do. That's half the fun of a free period before lunch."

"hey baby," that was Regina's voice. you look up promptly, half expecting her to make a comment or demand your presence but instead, she takes a seat right beside you.

"Hello," you try not to think about earlier. about how weird this is and focus on the fact she seemed to be in a good mood. her arms snake around you, drawing you back into her embrace.

"Cady,"

"hi Regina,"

"you look good today," Regina comments. your brow furrows. she was being weirdly affectionate. should you be concerned? probably but you were gonna enjoy her openness. the last week had been so weird and you kinda of just wanted things to go back to normal. and while this wasn't exactly normal, you prefer this to outward anger.

"thank you,"

"Now say it back," you roll your eyes but wear a playful smile.

"you look radiant Regina," said playfully. She gives you a quick squeeze and you finally settle in her embrace.

"I know," hummed in your ear. "so do you wanna come to mine after school?" muttered in your ear.

"what's the occasion?"

"I want you to," Regina declared. "why does it matter? you're coming over."

"am I now?" you ask playfully.

"We should get food," Regina lets go and gets up. you watch her for a moment expecting her to bark a demand but she doesn't. she just walks away. it freaks you out so you bid farewell to Cady and go scampering after the blonde.

"you good?"

"course," she states as you fall in step.

"you're being strange," you observe. "I was half expecting you to drag me away from that table."

"what's the point?" she asks. "you'd just go running back to the little nerd."

"no running is involved."

"running. skipping. drooling." the blonde teased. when you enter the lunch room, Gretchen is already sitting alone at your usual table. "like a love-sick little puppy dog."

"Okay, ew, no,"

"where have you been?" Gretchen wonders as you approach. She knows where you've been. you text her.

"no love involved whatsoever,"

"Who are you in love with?" Gretchen asks.

"no one,"

"I got tater tots," Karen announces as she zooms past with a try, taking a seat at your lunch table.

"oooh, they have tots today? let's go get food," you grab Regina's hand and start pulling her towards the food. Gretchen comes scrambling after the two of you. "I'm starving."

"aren't you always," Regina comments. the sea parts as she leads the way to the front of the line. it's unfair. but you never call her out. you always take advantage.

"Who are you in love with?" Gretchen repeats

"nobody, we moved on,"

"god keep up Gretchen," Regina huffs. you're so excited about your tater tots you practically run back to the table with your little tray. your two friends in toe. you take your usual seat next to Karen. Regina sits opposite with Gretchen.

"Cady keeps looking over here," Karen announces, popping a tot in her mouth. "it's creeping me out."

"she's so weird," Regina sighs. "if she's anything like her freaky friends it's because she's obsessed with our dear sweet puppy,"

"she is not obsessed with me,"

"This is what happens when you give losers attention, " Regina persists. "they think they have a shot. soon she's gonna think she can just come over and talk to us and it's your fault."

"Firstly, she would never do that. She's intimidated by you," you express. "secondly. she is sweet, you gotta lay off her."

"as she should be," the blonde looks disgusted. "also gross. She's so fuckin weird."

"you guys are being mean,"

"Is it mean if it's true?"

"still yes," you insist. "I like cady."

"We know," Gretchen states. Regina shoots her a dirty look.

"you don't get to talk Gretchen," Regina spits. "you never shut up about Jason like he's not disgusting."

"Cady would be cute if she just learnt how to dress. and do her makeup," Karen interjects.

"I don't even think that would help."

"Can we stop talking about her please?"

"don't wanna hear us shit talk your girlfriend."

"not my girlfriend." you argue. "but I would like this to end. quickly. let's go back to Jason that dude fuckin sucks."

"he's so sleazy," Karen adds. and the conversation flows into something other than you and Cady. thank god.

you're lying on Regina's couch. in Regina's room. alone. after school. you expected Karen and Gretchen to be here too but alas they weren't here. after this morning, you wouldn't be surprised if this was some cult worship ceremony. the door creaks open and in walks the infamous blonde. a glance before going back to your phone.

"my mum wants to know if you're staying for dinner,"

"am I?" you don't even know why you're here. and knowing Regina she could kick you out at any moment.

"I said yeah but you don't have to," a shrug.

"guess you're not mad at me anymore then,"

"When was I mad at you?" she questions, sitting down on her bed.

"When are you ever not?" you tease. "sometimes I think you hate me."

"if I hated you, you wouldn't be here," the blonde comments.

"you've been so short with me recently." you sit up properly.

"Because you've been acting different." the girl insists. "and it's weird. and I don't like it. I want you to go back to how you were."

"I don't even know how I've been acting different?" you lean back. "I think you're just jealous."

"jealous of what?"

"Cady." you see her eyes narrow. jaw tense.

"you are obsessed with her."

"not obsessed," you correct. "I don't even know what is going on between me and Cady."

"but you like her?"

you shrug. "do you like her?"

"no," it makes you smile for some reason. same old Regina. number one cady hater. "not even a little. she's strange. can't dress for shit. really awkward."

"tell us how you really feel," you chuckle a little.

"you'll just call me mean," like she wasn't already being mean.

you shrug. "I like when you're mean."

"I know," a smile quirks at her lips. the blonde pats the space next to her. "come here,"

"why?"

"Just come here," a dramatic sigh. you push up and cautiously walk over to sit down next to her. "why are you acting so scared of me?"

"I don't know," you shrug. "kinda expecting you to push me off the bed or something."

"why would I do that?" her brows furrowed.

"Because you're evil," a smirk slowly takes over her lips. you nudge her softly with your shoulder.

"I love it when you call me evil,"

"I know," you reply. "because you're obsessed with me."

"you wish."

"I don't have to wish," you tease. "because you're obsessed with me."

"you're really pushing your luck here," Regina comments. "stop." her tone suggested she was done playing. the blonde falls back against her bed. you just look at her as she starts typing on her phone. "and stop staring at me freak."

"but you're so pretty,"

"your girlfriend wouldn't like you saying that."

"not my girlfriend," you insist. "no more than you are." the blonde doesn't respond and you both fall into a comfortable silence. you lie down beside her. "why did you invite me over?"

"make out. prove a point. why do you think i asked in front of cady?" you just shrug. the girl sighs loudly and discards her phone off to one side before rolling onto her side to look at you. you just turn your head to face her.

"for someone so smart, you really are stupid," you'd be offended but there was hardly a point. she just watches you, watching her. you crack under her gaze and look away but she just reaches over and forces you to look at her. "do you know why I keep you around?"

"Because you love me?" said playfully but quietly. you know it's not the answer she was looking for.

"I like the way you look at me," she admitted quietly. "everyone stares at me but you... you look at me like I'm the only person in the entire world." she went on. "like you just can't get enough." you don't know what to say. Regina was like nobody you had ever met but in a different way to Cady. She just commanded attention. a beauty beyond words. and sometimes you wonder why you ever caught her eye. the girl shuffles closer now. "you can run around with freaks. you can be confused about Cady. but at the end of the day, none of it matters." that hand on your jaw loosens and begins to trail down over your neck. "you'll always come running back to me."

"What makes you think that?"

"It's in the way your breath hitches when I'm close. the way your eyes linger when I walk away. the way you so easily melt under my touch," her voice was gentle but taunting. her hand slipping lower and lower down the length of your body. you could hear your heart beating loudly in your chest. an onset wave of heat flushing your cheeks. "I can say or do whatever I want," her hand stops at your thigh, squeezing roughly. body leaning into yours. pressing you further into the plush fabric of her bed. "and you'll always be mine." whispered sharply before her lips meet yours and the fire makes the rest of the world melt away. you reach up to draw her closer. deepen the kiss and the way she groans makes your head spin. but then she pulls away unexpectedly. "oh I forgot to mention Shane is coming over after dinner so you gotta be gone by then. Cool?" you can feel the emotions stirring. it's weird and confusing. Shane's name fills you with anger; annoyance even. through no fault of his own. was she fucking serious? but at the same time you couldn't move. maybe a wiser person would have stopped everything right here. walked away with their dignity in their hands. Cady was probably a safer option. she liked you. and maybe you liked her too. but there was just something about Regina. being on her good side meant the world worked for you too. it was a world you'd become so accustomed to, you can't imagine it any differently. you can't imagine a life without the blonde. you didn't want to leave. you wanted to chase the high of each kiss. the pain as her nails dig into your skin. the firey mess of being with her.

"cool." you nod simply, pulling her back into the kiss. dignity was overrated when it came to Regina George anyway.

[aothotties]

Telling Toji you want a baby

Hello beautiful people! I wanted to post this yesterday, but I was busy celebrating mothers day myself! Happy belated mothers day to all the sexy moms out there!

Warnings: mentions or pregnancy, fluff, sought angst, mentions of mama fushiguro, creampie, overstimulation,

Word count: 1690

~~~

You and Toji are on your way back from visiting your sister and her family. She just recently had her third baby and you decided to stay and help her around the house.

During your visit, you couldn’t help but develop a bit of baby fever being around her children. Those cute chubby cheeks and the random babbling was enough to convince you to make one yourself.

You and Toji have talked about starting a family of your own in the past but decided you wanted to wait until his son, Megumi, was older.

You’re pulled out of your deep thoughts when you hear car doors closing outside, indicating that your husband and son are home. You greet them at the door and Megumi runs into your arms.

“How was school munchkin?” You ask, picking the small boy up and resting him on your hip.

“It was good, I missed you today.” He rests his head on your shoulder and you rub his back soothingly.

Your baby fever is getting stronger by the damn second and your husband standing in the kitchen watching you two isn’t helping one bit.

“I miss you too gumi, you want a snack?” He shakes his head and closes his eyes instead.

“He had a long day of playing so I’m sure he’s tired.” Your husband says, walking around the island in the kitchen to plant a kiss on your forehead.

“I can tell, I’ll go and lay him down.” You hold Megumi close as you make your way to his room.

You smile at the sound of his light snore and loosened grip on your shirt. You lay him down slowly and plant a kiss on his forehead.

“Love you, mom.” He mumbles sleepily and your eyes widen.

Megumi has never called you mom before, he’s only ever called you by your first name. You and Toji agreed that you would let Megumi decide what you were to him, and it’s clear he has.

You press a kiss to his forehead and close your eyes as you feel tears build up.

“I love you too.” You whisper back and step out of his room.

You quickly wipe your tears and clear your throat as you walk into your and your husband's shared bedroom.

To your surprise Toji is already in there, his headset is thrown over his ears and he’s lounging back in his chair.

“Hey cutie pie, why the long face? Did another animal die in a book or something?” He teases, and you roll your eyes.

You force yourself into his lap and wrap your arms around his neck. He looks at you in pure confusion and sets his controller and headset aside.

“Megumi called me mom.” You mumble against his shoulder silently.

Toji freezes in his chair and isn’t exactly quite sure how to react. You both have talked about his wife in the past, but you try not to since you know it’s a bit of a tough subject.

“I’m sorry this is out of nowhere, I just felt like you should know.” He wraps his arms around you tightly and you relax in his embrace.

“Don’t apologize, he’s right you are his mom. You’ve been here since he was one. You’re all he knows.” He rubs your back and rests his forehead against yours.

“I wanted to talk to you about that. So you know how my sister and her husband just had a baby?” You ask, you nervously play with the collar of his shirt.

“Yeah I’m aware, your mother wouldn’t stop asking when we were gonna have our own, why?” He raises an eyebrow and you simply smile at him.

“Oh my god are you pregnant!?” He sits up quickly and you almost fall from his lap.

“Jesus Christ Toji, no I’m not, but I’m hoping I soon will be.” You quickly throw in the last part and await his response.

“You’re serious right now? You want a baby?” He asks looking into your eyes for any signs of doubt.

You nod confidently and straddle his legs while he sits back. You rub your hands up and down his arms and chest slowly.

“Don’t you wanna make a baby with me, Toji?” You seductively ask, lips kissing up his neck gently.

He smirks at your antics and grabs a handful of your ass in his large hands.

“If you’re serious about this then so am I, I’m never gonna say no to coming inside your sweet pussy”

That’s the last thing you remember before you end up bent over the mattress with your face stuffed in the sheets.

You don’t wanna wake up poor Megumi down the hall, but it’s getting harder not to scream with the pounding your poor cunt is receiving.

“Be quiet mama, I see I’ve got to teach you some things. Can’t be waking up the new baby with your screamin’.” He teases, and his rough hand rubs up your back.

He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you so your back is flush against his chest. The new angle has your eyes rolling back and your head resting weakly on his shoulder.

“T-Toji, f-feels good!” You whine as his thick bulbous tip abuses your sweet spot.

“Of course it does baby, you can’t stop coming and crying on my cock.” He smirks and holds onto your hips with both hands as he picks up his thrusting.

Your walls tighten around his thick shaft and your orgasm courses through your entire body. Toji wraps an arm around your waist as you convulse on top of him, he uses his other hand to rub quick circles on your swollen nub.

“Fuck! Fuck! Daddy, t-too much” You gasp as another orgasm builds up quickly, your lower belly warming up slightly.

“You can take it, Daddy’s so close princess. I want you to take all of me, can you do that baby?” He grunts out in pleasure, and the feeling of your sopping pussy begins to catch up to him.

His hips start to lose their rhythm but never their force, you nod your head in response to his question.

The hand gripping your waist slaps over your mouth and you scream into it as another climax approaches.

This one wetting the man and bed below you, tears begin to stream down your face and your body goes limp.

Toji replaces his hand with his lips and thrust up into you and few more times before pumping his warm cum into you.

You whimper against his lip with each twitch of his veiny cock, his large fingers finally give your clit a break.

He pulls away from the kiss and rubs his hand over your belly. You open your eyes and look up at him, the need for sleep is very clear on your face.

“You’re going to make an amazing mother.” He plants one last kiss on your forehead before he maneuvers you both to lay on your side.

You smile at the compliment and attempt to sit up so you can go and take a shower.

“Baby, we’re done now. I need to clean up and take a shower.” You look back at him and he raises an eyebrow in confusion.

“Oh no baby, we’re not finished. I was just giving you a break. We need to make sure you get pregnant, don’t we?”

~~~

“Happy Mother’s Day mama!” You hear from above you.

You open your tired eyes and are met with your son and husband standing over you with gifts and breakfast.

“Oh my goodness, thank you guys!” You sit up as quickly as your large belly will allow and rub the sleep from your eyes.

You pull Megumi into your lap with the help of Toji and plant a sweet kiss on his cheek. Toji sets the food next to you as he sits down and you kiss him as well.

“Daddy told me to tell you that he cooked.” Your son gives you a bright smile as he tells you the surprise and you hold in a laugh.

You can hear the older man suck on his teeth and can only assume an eye roll came after it.

“Well, I can’t wait to try the food Daddy cooked. I’m sure it’s delicious.” You reassure Toji and he gives you a small smile.

You hum in satisfaction at the taste of the food and also end up feeding your two boys in the process.

“When will my brother get here?” Megumi asks, well you assume that’s what he asked because his mouth is full of eggs.

“Well, baby the doctors said any day now, it’s up to him.” You wipe his face with a napkin and he giggles at the feeling.

“You can come out now, It’s okay!” Megumi lays on the bed and pokes at your stomach as he talks to it.

“Alright boy that’s enough, stop poking your brother.” Toji feeds him another piece of bacon and the little boy jumps off the bed quickly.

You laugh and shake your head while Toji just sighs.

“I don’t know where he gets that from.” He mumbles, stuffing eggs in his mouth now.

“Yeah, I have no clue either.” You say as you stare at the adult version of your son.

“How are you feeling? He doesn’t seem to have much space in there.” He looks down at your belly and tries to massage away any soreness.

“I’m doing alright, he’s ready to come out now. I haven’t had any more contractions within the last hour so I think I’m good.” You continue to eat more food and Toji just stares at you.

“Have you been having contractions and didn’t tell me?” He gently turns your face toward him and you nod your head.

“I woke up and you guys were gone so I laid back down, it’s not like my water broke or anything.” You shrug your shoulders only to realize that you may have spoken too soon as your bed dampens under you.

Toji’s eyes widen in pure shock and you smile nervously at him in return.

“Oops?”

Ari

[danicamaximoff]

Pretend To Be Nice | Chapter Four

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Chapter Four: 70's Funk?

Summary: A few months after forming their band "The Pussycats", Hazel and her friends PJ and Josie get noticed by a record label, and are quickly skyrocketed into fame. It's a dream come true for them, and all three of their lives are flipped upside down. Their quick arrival on the scene quickly draws the attention of many other artists and bands, including a popular girl band called "Nymphology". Unfortunately for Hazel, a mix-up and unintentional awful encounter ends up creating tension between the two groups right before they all leave for Nymphology's upcoming tour. Now forced to frequently interact with someone who she was convinced couldn't stand her, Hazel is desperately trying to fix things with the band's lead guitarist. However it doesn't help that Y/N is actively avoiding Hazel as much as possible, and the fact that Hazel found her insanely hot definitely didn't make things any easier.

Warnings: angst, rockstar au, eventual smut, slowburn, swearing, occasional alcohol mentions/use

Word Count: 4377

“Should we get mac and cheese?” Josie asks as she pushes the shopping cart as her and Hazel wander through the grocery store aisles to get a few snacks and food for their hotel room.

“Like the microwave one or the stove one?” Hazel asks as she furrows her brows.

“Either one.” Josie says as she shrugs.

“Josie, we don't have a stove in the hotel.” Hazel says as she shakes her head. “Or literally any cooking items.”

“You can make boxed mac in the microwave, I do it all the time at Sarah Lawrence.” Josie says with a shrug as she looks at Hazel.

“That sounds disgusting.” Hazel says as she scrunches up her face a bit.

“I mean it tastes the same for the most part, mac is mac. You just have to get the shell ones or sometimes the noodles clump together and then I guess it’s a little weird.” Josie says as she grabs a few boxes of mac and cheese as well as the microwavable cups.

“Do you know when we hear from Wyatt if we get a record deal or not? Oh shit.” Hazel asks as she absentmindedly runs her hand along the shelf tags, eyes going wide as she accidentally knocks a few of them to the ground, mentally panicking as she immediately grabs them and starts trying to put them back in their spots. “Oh hey, we should get gummy worms too.”

“I mean the meeting is today, so we should find out soon.” Josie says as she shrugs. “What happens if they sign us?”

“I dunno? We make a record?” Hazel says as she looks over at Josie.

“No, like, are we staying in the hotel the whole time? I don’t want to live in a hotel.” Josie says as she gives Hazel a look.

“I mean we’d probably get an apartment, wouldn’t we?” Hazel says as she gets a confused look.

“I can’t afford Los Angeles!” Josie says as her eyes go wide in horror. “I can barely afford mac and cheese! How am I supposed to pay for an apartment?”

“Well they would pay us right? Plus it’s cool, if we get signed I can probably ask my mom to chip in or something. I’m pretty sure she has a beach house out here that she vacations at with boyfriends. My dad bought it for her when they were still together as an “I’m Sorry I Cheated” house. I heard them fighting about it in middle school.” Hazel says as she shrugs. “I can see if we can use it or something.”

“You never told me your dad cheated?” Josie asks with a confused and shocked look on her face.

“Well, yeah. You never asked, I didn’t think it was important.” Hazel says as she shrugs.

“I mean, you don’t have to, but I would tell you if something like that happened. You’re one of my best friends.” Josie says with a shrug.

“Wait, really?” Hazel says as she gets a surprised look on her face.

“Hazel, we’re literally in a band together and we hang out all the time.” Josie says as she gives Hazel a funny look.

“Yeah but I thought it’s mostly you and PJ doing stuff and me just tagging along.” Hazel says with a slightly confused look.

“What? No!” Josie says as she gives Hazel a confused look. “Hazel, you’re like the main reason the band exists, and I wouldn’t have come if you didn’t convince me.” Josie says as she shakes her head.

“PJ said you agreed to join the band because she said you’d get a girlfriend.” Hazel says as she frowns and gives Josie a confused look as well.

“Hazel, PJ says a lot of stuff.” Josie says as she rolls her eyes. “I love her, but she just talks to talk half the time. I never even wanted to be in a band, it scares the crap out of me, dude. I know I complained about the bowling alley a lot, but playing at the party was like the worst stage fright I’ve ever experienced.” Josie says as she shakes her head while grabbing a few grocery items off the shelves and into the cart she was pushing.

“But then why’d you-” Hazel starts to say before Josie cuts her off.

“Because I remembered you had always wanted to be in a band. Didn’t you have an obsession with Kiss or something when you were younger?” Josie says as she glances at Hazel.

  “I did, I went as Paul Simmons for Halloween one year.” Hazel says as she nods.

“See? That’s why I joined. You love music, and you do all the hard stuff like getting outfits and gigs and everything, I just have to show up and play, which is good because I think if I had any other responsibilities I would crumble under the pressure because I get anxious enough about performing.” Josie says as she shakes her head.

“I thought you guys didn’t like the cat ears?” Hazel says as she furrows her brows in confusion.

“I thought they were kind of fun.” Josie says as she shrugs. “I mean, I wouldn’t have cared if we didn’t wear them, but it was a cool idea. And people liked it and it fits with the band name.” Josie says as she shrugs. “I think it should be part of our outfits.”

“Wait, really?” Hazel asks as her face lights up with excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me I was the reason you joined?” 

“Because PJ takes over, so when she says we’re doing this to get girlfriends, you kind of just have to go along with it.” Josie says as she gives Hazel a look.

“I was never doing it to get a girlfriend. I just like the drums.” Hazel says as she furrows her brows.

“Yeah, but you can also say no to PJ, cause you don’t care. She’s my best friend so I just kind of go along with things after a bit.” Josie says as she shrugs.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Hazel says as she shrugs, before realizing something irrelevant to the conversation. “Oh I forgot to tell you, that girl you like is at the same studio as us. You know, the one from Nymphology with the like-” Hazel starts to say as she gestures at her chest where hair would be if she had long hair, but Josie cuts her off as she starts nervously laughing.

“Oh my god, please don’t remind me!” Josie says as she stops walking and leans her head against her arms as they rest on the shopping cart. “I already met her, and I almost threw up.” 

“What? You threw up?!” Hazel asks in shock as she gives Josie an alarmed look.

“No! God I would die if I did! I wasn’t being serious! I was just a total idiot when I talked to her!” Josie says as her eyes go wide and she shakes her head.

“What’d you say? I mean it probably wasn’t that bad, you’re a very likeable person.” Hazel says as her face scrunches up in confusion.

“Well I saw her, and I choked on the water I was drinking, and then she came over and asked if I was okay, and I said yeah, and then she was like “I’m Isabel” and I was like “I’m Josie” and then I stared at her for like a second and then looked away, and then I asked if she liked water because I couldn’t think of anything to say.” Josie says awkwardly as she looks up at the ceiling.

“Well did she?” Hazel asks.

“Did she what?” Josie asks Hazel with a confused look.

“Did she like water?” Hazel says as she looks at Josie expectantly.

“Yes. She did. Everyone does, Hazel, you need it to live.” Josie says as she looks at Hazel a bit in disbelief. 

“Well now you have something in common!” Hazel says as she smiles a bit, clearly thinking she was being helpful, as Josie sighs and shakes her head.

“We gotta work on how you comfort people, dude.” Josie says as she gives Hazel a look.

“What’s wrong with how I comfort people?” Hazel says as she furrows her brows in confusion.

“It’s not that there’s something wrong, you just-” Josie says before sighing. “I just mean that if you weren’t one of my best friends and I didn’t know you, I would think you’re being a dick and making fun of me.”

“Oh, really? I thought that would be helpful, cause now you have something in common with her.” Hazel says as she shrugs. 

“I-” Josie starts to say before stopping and sighing a bit. “Thank you Hazel, that actually is helpful.” Josie says as she nods, though she definitely was just saying that to not make Hazel sad.

“Oh really? Sick!” Hazel says with a grin. “Oh you know what you should do? Mention moss! Because it can help you find water! And then you have two things to talk about!” Hazel says excitedly as they continue shopping.

“Hi mom!” Hazel says into the phone excitedly from her hotel room, feeling like she was about to pass out. She had just got back from the meeting with the record label, and The Pussycats had officially been signed for a three year contract, and if their first album did well, then that would most likely be extended. They started recording the rest of the album tomorrow, and the label agreed to pay for the hotel for the time being until the three of them found a place to live in. 

“Hi sweetheart! How are you!” Hazel’s mom says into the phone, sounding like she was yelling for some reason.

“Are you yelling? Why are you talking weird?” Hazel says with a confused tone.

“I’m on my elliptical right now, but I have a face mask and I’m doing that cucumber thing on my eyes! Annie said it will help with my bags and the dark circles! Annie, say hi to Hazel!” Her mom says over the phone, talking to her best friend Annie.

“Hi Hazel! How’s college?” Annie says in the background.

“No, Annie, she’s not at Sarah Lawerence right now, for that… that band thing.” Hazel’s mom says over the phone.

“Oh that’s right! How’s LA? Have you met Robert Downey Jr. yet?” Annie asks in the background, yelling as well.

“I’m here for music stuff, not movies.” Hazel says into the phone as she shakes her head.

“It could happen! If you meet him, tell him I’m single!” Annie yells, which makes Hazel roll her eyes.

“Yeah, sure, okay anyways, mom can I tell you my news now?” Hazel says impatiently.

“Yes, of course sweetheart! What is it? Annie shut up.” Her mom says over the phone.

“We got a record deal! The contract is for three years!” Hazel says excitedly, and her mother gasps over the phone.

“Oh my goodness! That’s amazing!” Her mom yells over the phone, though still clearly exercising as she talks. “Annie, did you hear that? Hazel’s going to be a musician!” 

“Yeah, I know! We start recording the album tomorrow!” Hazel says excitedly as she grins.

“That’s wonderful, sweetheart!” Her mom yells. “Siri! Siri! Si-Ri!” Her mom beggins yelling clearly trying to get her phone’s voice assistant to activate. “Annie why is Siri not working?” 

“Mom, why do you need Siri?” Hazel asks as she furrows her brows in confusion.

“I need to set a reminder to book a flight to LA!” She says to Hazel.

“What? Why?” Hazel asks, clearly confused by her mother’s sudden plans.

“Hazel, you’re going to be famous! I want to be there to see my little Witch Hazel spread her wings!” Her mom says into the phone, using a nickname from when Hazel was little, which makes Hazel groan.

“Mom, please stop calling me that! I’m not five anymore!” Hazel says with embarrassment.

“Siri! Siri! Oh for Christ's sake, Annie, I’m taking the cucumbers off.” Hazel’s mom says, before shuffling noise is heard as she seemingly grabs the phone. “Let me find a good flight, and I’ll fly out as soon as I can sweetheart!” She says excitedly, her voice significantly closer to the phone and not yelling as much since she was now holding the phone.

“No, mom you really don’t-” Hazel starts to say before her mom cuts her off.

“Do you girls need somewhere to stay? I assume you can’t be in a hotel the whole time.” Hazel’s mom says over the phone, which makes Hazel perk up.

“Yeah, actually! That’s part of why I called, I was wondering if we can rent out the beach house or something instead of getting an apartment, because PJ and Josie can’t afford rent out here.” Hazel says quickly. “We’d take really good care of it! We wouldn’t ruin it!”

“Oh, yeah, of course! We can sign you up for surfing lessons too, so you can be a California girl and get the full experience!” Hazel’s mom says with an excited tone.

“Oh I don’t really-” Hazel starts to say before she gets cut off again.

“No, no, no, trust me! You’ll want surfing lessons sweetheart! It’s very rockstar! Plus the instructors are usually hot. I had one a few years ago, what was his name?” Hazel’s mom says as she thinks for a second. “Well, I can’t remember, but I do remember he was very hot! We hooked up a lot that summer, he-” Hazel’s mom starts to say, before Hazel cuts her off.

“Ew, mom! I don’t want to hear about that!” Hazel says with a disgusted look on her face.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Her mom says defensively. “I’m just saying! They’re usually very hot!”

“Mom, I don’t even like men, you know this!” Hazel says, still disgusted at the topic.

“There’s girl instructors too!” Hazel’s mom says over the phone.

“Mom- I- No! I don’t- Can we go back to talking about the beach house?” Hazel says as she stumbles over her words.

“Alright, alright! I’m letting it go! Of course you can use the beach house sweetheart, we can work out all the details when I fly out. Anyways I have to go, I have a decorative bead making class in an hour and I have to change out of my workout clothes. I’ll text you the flight plans once I book it! I love you!” Hazel’s mom says before hanging up the phone, leaving Hazel confused.

“Decorative bead making class?” Hazel says to herself with confusion as Josie and PJ enter the hotel room.

“Hazel, there were the hottest girls at the pool just now, one of them was totally into me! I told you guys this was a good idea!” PJ says excitedly as she throws her towel down on one of the chairs in the hotel room.

“They looked at us like once, PJ.” Josie says as she gives PJ a look.

“Yeah and it was a “I’m totally into you” kind of look!” PJ says as she throws her arms up and looks at Josie. “Oh, Hazel, have you called your mom yet?” She asks as she flops down on the couch.

“Yeah! She said we can move into the beach house!” Hazel says with a smile.

“Fuck yeah!” PJ says excitedly as she punches the air.

“Hey guys? Have we like, put thought into what songs are going on the album?” Josie asks as she grabs a soda from the mini fridge.

“Shit!” PJ says as she sits up a bit.

“I mean I have, but it’s not-” Hazel starts to say as PJ cuts her off.

“Write it down! We need to have a plan for tomorrow! Fuck, Josie! Why’d you make me go to the pool!” PJ says as she panics a bit, as Josie throws her arm up in annoyance, as going to the pool had been PJ’s idea.

“Fuck, that’s not right.” Hazel says as she frowns and scribbles out the notes she wrote on the music sheet. She bites on her pencil for a moment as she thinks, before setting it down and readjusting the electric guitar she was holding and playing different note sequences over again as she tries to figure out the guitar part for a song.

She was currently the only one in the studio, PJ and Josie had left about thirty minutes ago to go grab dinner, but Hazel had stayed behind, determined to figure out this new song they were working on that had her stumped. She had already figured out the general beat and the chorus, but the more fine details and actual instrumentals to the song was frustrating her, as she couldn’t seem to figure out a vibe that she liked and matched with the vision she had for the song. Josie and PJ had tried to convince her to take a break, but she refused to leave until she figured this out, so here she was, alone with one of the electric guitars as she ran over the same section over and over again, trying to come up with something she liked. 

It had been about a week and a half since being signed, and they had been working constantly on the album, picking which songs, discussing with Wyatt, and had even decided to come up with a few new ones per Wyatt’s suggestion, giving them advice and his thoughts on what the album was missing. 

Staring off into space, she hums the general vibe of the song she had so far to herself, her fingers absentmindedly tap against the base of the guitar as she bites her lip a bit and thinks. Lost in thought, she doesn’t notice the sound of the door to the studio opening as she begins playing another random string of notes on the guitar, her brows furrowed in concentration.

“Is that for the album?” Y/N asks from the door, as she leans against the doorframe, making Hazel jump in her seat a bit.

“Oh my god, hi!” She says as she quickly turns and sees Y/N, heart immediately racing.

“Hi.” Y/N says as she grins softly. “They leave you in here by yourself?” She asks as she looks around at the empty recording studio.

“Oh, yeah. Josie and PJ went to go grab food but I wanted to stay and work on this new song we’re writing.” Hazel says as she smiles, trying not to show how nervous she is.

“Can I hear it? I promise I won’t steal it.” Y/N says with a small laugh, a teasing grin on her face that makes Hazel’s stomach do cartwheels.

“Oh it’s not- I mean- it’s- I’m still working on it. It’s in shambles right now.” Hazel says, nervously stumbling over her words.

“That’s okay, I won’t judge.” Y/N says with a laugh as she shakes her head. 

“Oh, I mean- uh, yeah sure, if you really want to then.” Hazel says as she nods a bit.

“Yeah, show me what you got so far.” She says with a smile as she walks inside, the studio door closing behind her as she goes and sits down on one of the chairs near Hazel.

“Okay, yeah. Um, so this song is supposed to be like towards the end of the album kind of. A lot of our songs are like in the alternative category, but Wyatt said we should add more variety to what we have so far, so we added a few slower ones, and for this one, PJ said she wanted it to be more “funky” but not 70’s, and I don’t really know what that means. We don’t even have all the lyrics either, it’s very unfinished right now.” Hazel says as she nervously runs a hand through her hair, avoiding eye contact with Y/N.

“What are you working on right now?” Y/N asks as she scoots a bit closer to see what Hazel had written down so far. “I can try and help if you want.”

“Really?” Hazel asks as she looks at her in shock.

“Yeah.” Y/N says as she smiles and nods her head. “Nymphology finished recording for the day, I was heading out but I saw someone was in here so I wanted to say hi in case it was you.” 

“Why me?” Hazel asks, both in shock and confusion.

“Well we didn’t really get to talk a few weeks ago, and I’m curious about the moss thing now, because I think it was Josie? But anyways, one of the girls in my band is named Isabel, and apparently Josie brought up moss the other day.” Y/N says as she laughs a bit. “I’m just curious now if that’s like a friend group thing or not.”

“No! It’s not! It’s my thing! I told Josie about it because she likes Isabel so I said she should bring up moss because they both like water, so it connects, and that’s what I do.” Hazel says quickly as she shakes her head, before her eyes go wide as she realizes what she said. “Shoot, don’t tell her I said that.” She says as Y/N laughs.

“So you bring up moss as a flirting tactic?” Y/N asks with a grin, which makes Hazel panic.

“What? What- No! No, I don’t- Sometimes, but like-” Hazel says as she immediately stumbles over her words and blushes a bit. “Anyways the song!” She says quickly as she turns back to the paper she had been writing on. What is wrong with me?! She thinks to herself as Y/N giggles. She was rarely like this around girls. Fuck. She seriously needed to ignore the fact that Y/N was super pretty and get her game back. Except when she actually thought about it, that was definitely very impossible. Double fuck. “Anyways, this is the part I’m trying to figure out right now.” Hazel says as she nervously runs her hand through her hair again before readjusting the guitar again, internally just a jumbled mess on nerves and anxiety as she begins playing what she had so far on the guitar.

“And your friend said she wanted it to be what? Funky but not 70’s?” Y/N asks after thinking for a minute, a quizzical expression on her face.

“Yeah.” Hazel says softly as she avoids eye contact, glancing all over, eyes falling on Y/N’s shoes though, as the red converse had a lot of doodles all over them.

“Can I see what else you have?” Y/N asks, a bit more serious now as Hazel hands her the papers and notes without saying anything. She reads over, her fingers tapping against the paper as she figures out the beat and the drum parts Hazel had so far. “I think the only “funky” kind of part should be the guitar. But even then less funky and more fun. Do you listen to Paramore?” She asks as she looks over at Hazel.

“Wh- Yeah, I do.” Hazel says as her head snaps up and she nods.

“I don’t know if this will make sense, but maybe coming up with something that sounds like how their album cover for After Laughter looks?” Y/N says as she shrugs and furrows her brows a bit.

“I- That does actually, yeah.” Hazel says as she nods.

“Like, hold on, let me think.” Y/N says as she furrows her brows for a moment. “Can I see that quick?” She asks as she gestures to the guitar. 

“Oh, yeah, here.” Hazel says as she hands her the guitar, heart unintentionally racing a bit as their hands accidentally brush against each other.

They spend a while going over random chord progressions and different melodies, until after a while, they had created a pretty solid backbone for the guitar part of the song, that Hazel and the others could flesh out more later. As time goes on Hazel gradually relaxes more, being able to focus on the song and music helping her distract herself from her nerves, and allowing her to start cracking jokes more and actually engage in conversation outside of the song and music stuff.

By the time Josie and PJ arrive, Y/N was telling Hazel about crazy fan experiences, and wild things that had happened to her and her friends over the years, laughing as she mentions the time she had created a fake twitter account and started beef with herself and how pissed the fans got at her burner account. 

“Hey, Hazel- Oh. Hi?” PJ says as she walks in, doing a double take when she sees Y/N.

“Hi.” Y/N says with a smile as she looks over at PJ and Josie. “I’m Y/N. I’m friends with Hazel.” She says as she smiles and gestures to Hazel, the statement making Hazel smile.

“We know. You’re in Nymphology.” Josie says as she nods a bit nervously.

“Mhmm.” Y/N says with a nod. “You’re Josie, right?” 

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Josie says as she nods.

“Isabel’s told me about you.” Y/N says with a small giggle, making Josie blush and get a nervous smile on her face as she looks away, clearly worried about the fact Isabel had mentioned her to her bandmates.

“I’m PJ!” PJ quickly says as she stares at Y/N.

“Anyways, um, you should probably go, thanks for the help.” Hazel says quickly as she gathers the papers scattered around them.

“Oh, yeah of course, anytime.” Y/N says with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks. It was fun, I’ll see you soon probably.” Hazel says as she quickly gets up, immediately nervous and embarrassed again now that PJ and Josie were there.

“If you need any more help, let me know. It was nice meeting you guys.” Y/N says to Hazel before turning and smiling to PJ and Josie as she walks out, shutting the door behind her after waving bye.

“What the fuck?” PJ says in shock as her and Josie immediately look at Hazel, who was now heavily blushing as she fiddles with the shirt she was wearing.

I genuinely love writing this story its sm fun. I love Hazel she's so cute. Also I fr have no clue how record label stuff works so I'm kinda just pulling this out of my ass lmao. I'm like "yeah I watched Daisy Jones and The Six and can google basic steps for this, good enough" and then just hoped it would be accurate dfdhsfkjhej. dividers from @saradika and @animatedglittergraphics-n-more graphic made by me lol

[retrotrait]

Ep 13

[crickets]

Lizzie thinking: [Please don't sound drunk, don't sound drunk, don't sound drunk]

Lizzie: Hey mom! Just wanted to let you know that I'm fine. No, I'm not drunk! Just...hanging out with some friends from school. [Pauses] Yeah, I'll be home soon. Love you!

Caleb: Trying to convince yourself, huh?

[Lizzie screams]

Lizzie: JESUS CHRIST! You scared me

Caleb: Oops

Lizzie: Ugh, what's it to you Caleb?

Caleb: Just an observation. I didn't know we were on a first name basis?

Lizzie: We have like three classes together, so of course I know your name. Are you gonna tell me to fuck off now?

Caleb: Will you? If I do?

Lizzie: No, I don't think I will

Caleb: Yeah, I didn't think so

Lizzie: Stop pretending like you know anything about me!

Caleb: I know enough to see you're putting on a show, it's not convincing

Lizzie: Better than sulking in a corner, like you

Caleb: At least I don't pretend, I'm just being real

Lizzie: Real?! You're just mean, and a coward. I know this is just how you push people away

Caleb: Let people get close? why would I risk that?

Lizzie: So, you think being alone is better?

Caleb: Sometimes it is. Less mess

Lizzie: and you're okay with that?

Caleb: Why should I care? People are...complicated

Caleb: Ugh, what is this, a therapy session?

Lizzie: It can be? or I don't know, I can just listen?

Caleb: I'm not your little charity case Elizabeth

Lizzie: No, I didn't- I wasnt

Caleb: Stay the fuck away from me, or else I'll take it as a sign you want my attention

Caleb: and I promise you, that is the last thing you want

Lin: umm...is everything okay?

Lizzie: y-yeah, everything's fine

Caleb: Take her home

[feyhunter78]

Pink Pastels Pt 21

Description: After your almost disastrous encounter in the O'Hara household, you spend some time debriefing with Janey, and Miguel asks for a second date.

Pt 22

So, you what, jumped out a window?” Janey drawls, her expression both intrigued and unamused, her image freezing for a second as she moves to a part of her apartment with better Wi-Fi.

“No, I hid in his bathroom until he’d convinced Gabi to go play in her room, then sprinted into my own. Janey, it was so embarrassing, I looked like a fucking toaster strudel.”

Janey chokes on her drink. “Not a toaster strudel…”

You bury your face in your hands. “I seriously have a problem, like I need to stay away from him. That cannot happen again, it just can’t.”

A text pops up on your phone, making it vibrate.

Mr. O’Hara: Hey, I’ve been thinking about yesterday and I acted inappropriately, could I take you to dinner tonight, to make up for it? I know a place, it’s a bit out of the way, but there’s no chance anyone from Gabi’s school will see us.

You changed his name back from Miguel to Mr. O’Hara, wanting to remind yourself of the professional boundaries.

“Y/N?” Janey asks, waving her hand, trying to catch your attention.

“Yeah, sorry, anyways, I need to get a handle on myself, I swear I haven’t been this…ya know…in ages.”

Mr. O’Hara: My treat, obviously. I think I make three times what you make.

Mr. O’Hara: Shit, sorry that was rude.

Mr. O’Hara: Anyways let me know.

“I mean, technically there’s nothing in the rules that say you can’t date a parent, it’s just frowned upon.”

Y/N: I’d love to pick me up at six?

Mr. O’Hara: Absolutely, I’ll see you then.

“Yeah, but still.” You glance at the clock, it’s five ten, you definitely need to start getting ready. You pick up your phone and move into your bathroom, continuing to chat with Janey as you get ready.

Six o’clock on the dot, Miguel is at your door. He’s dressed casually, which is a relief because so are you.

He hands you a bouquet of flowers, roses, a bit basic, but beautiful. “Again, my apologies, and I’m glad you’re letting me take you out, I really do like you, y/n, as cheesy as that sounds.”

You take the flowers and quickly put them in a vase before following Miguel down to the parking garage.

It’s a long drive, maybe an hour from your place, but once you arrive you understand.

It’s a small restaurant out of the city, a bit run down, but the neon sign is bright, and you can already smell food.

“This is the best Mexican food in Neuva York and the surrounding area, my mother used to take my brother and I here on our birthdays.” He explains as he opens the door for you.

The restaurant is beautiful, hand painted murals, wood carved booths, warm lighting, and soft music streaming through the speakers hidden amongst the beams that hold up the ceiling.

Once you’re seated and the waitress takes your order, you sip on your water awkwardly. It’s been a while since you’ve been on an actual date.

“Do you like Mexican food?” Miguel asks, looking at the drink menu, his eyes darting to your face every other second.

“Yeah, yeah, my mom is actually from Texas, so we’d get Tex-Mex every time we went to visit her family. I know it’s not the same thing, but…”

“Gabi said your mom has lived in Nueva York her whole life?” Miguel’s eyebrows furrow and you bite your lip.

“Oh umm, so my mother, was born and raised in Nueva York, but my stepmom is from Texas. She married my dad when I was a baby, she’s basically the only mom I’ve actually had. My bio mother sued for joint custody when I was a kid, but I…I didn’t want to live with her. Scheduled visits were enough for me.” You explain, cursing yourself for even mentioning your biological mother to Gabi.

It was a rough day for her, after you learned about her mom from Melissa. You only told her to make her feel better, to let her know she wasn’t alone, but now you were kind of regretting it…

“I don’t talk about her much, she’s—she’s just a lot.” You wave your hand in the air dismissively and plaster on a smile.

“I thought my stepfather was my dad until I went to high school.” Miguel admits, setting down the drink menu.

“Oh?” You’re a little shocked, but hey, you’ve almost fucked multiple times, you’re close enough to share childhood traumas.

“My boss is my father, my mother had an affair with him, I have a half-sister, Monica who is a notorious gossip, but might be my best friend, maybe my only friend? I’ve got coworkers I occasionally get drinks with but…”

You giggle, half at the way he says it, half out of nerves. “Sorry, sorry, please go on.”

He gives you a sheepish smile. “It’s pathetic, I know, a grown man whose best friend is his sister.”

“No, no, I think it’s sweet.” You reassure him.

“And what about you? Siblings? Friends?” Miguel scoops some salsa onto a chip.

“I’ve got a younger brother, he’s a pilot, never around, always sending photos from exotic places, and then Janey, she teaches with me, and she’s my best friend.” You stir the queso in front of you with the spoon provided, watching as the jalapeños sink into the cheese.

Miguel nods. “The tiny black woman with the brightly colored outfits?”

“Everyone is tiny compared to you. But yes, she is short.” You defend Janey playfully, knowing Miguel doesn’t mean anything by it.

“It’s not my fault I was blessed with the stature of a Greek god.” Miguel shrugs, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

You roll your eyes. “It must be so difficult for you.”

“It is, actually, do you know how many old ladies hit on me?”

You laugh at that, picturing giant, buff Miguel running from grandmothers chasing him down with their canes and walkers. “I am so sorry for your struggle.”

He laughs as well. “I appreciate it.”

“Is your mom still in Neuva York?” You ask, taking a bite of a queso covered chip.

“Yeah, I have her set up in this nice apartment, it’s quiet, she can get her groceries delivered to her if she wants, there’s a pool she and Gabi go swimming in, and she’s on the building’s HOA which is always entertaining.”

“I can’t imagine the stories apartment HOAs have to tell.”

Miguel pitches up his voice, laying on a thick Mexican accent. “Mijo you will never guess, the man upstairs, with the little dogs, a killer, the police came today, took him away. Dios nos salve a todos.”

“That means like God save us, right?” You ask, trying to remember what that Catholic dude from Law and Order: SVU used to say.

“Close, God save us all.” Miguel smiles at you, then the waitress when she sets your food down.

Your waitress’ face tints red, and you feel a wave of jealousy wash over you. You wait until she’s gone, then continue the conversation. “Wait, was he actually a murderer?”

Miguel chuckles. “No, his dogs have been killing birds, squirrels, and other small animals outside the building. He’s been cleaning them up, but apparently disposing of them in the wrong dumpster. Maintenance in the building just wanted to show him the right one to use.”

“Ah, I see.”

“My mother has a wild imagination; I think she gets bored sometimes.” Miguel says. “I should take Gabi to visit her more often but…”

“Being a secret superhero takes up a lot of time?” You joke in a hushed voice, looking around to make sure no one is paying attention.

“Exactly.” He takes a bite of his food, carnitas.

“Sure, keeps you out late, on the street, rooftops, balconies…” You trail off, taking a bite of your quesadilla.

Miguel swallows hard. “I like keeping people safe.”

You nod. “And you’re good at it, I’m glad to have a superhero living in my building.”

“Thank you.” He says softly.

For a moment, you wonder if anyone ever thanks Miguel for what he does. You’re sure people thank him when he saves them, but outside of that? When he’s just patrolling, watching over the city?

“Last time I talked to my mom, she was complaining about my dad keeps the house too cold, and that there’s nothing good on TV anymore.”

“She’s right, there’s nothing good on TV anymore.”

“There’s some good movie though, like that one that came out a bit ago, based on a comic book?” You wrack your brain, but can’t remember what it’s called.

“I only see the movies Gabi wants to see.” Miguel admits sheepishly.

“Well, good thing she’s got good taste.”

You both walk back to Miguel’s car, hands brushing against each other, pinkies almost linking then shying away at the last second.

“Thank you for this, it was nice.” You say, looking up at him, the moon a halo behind his head, dousing him in an ethereal glow.

“No, thank you, I know we’ve kind of gone about things backwards, and that you’re Gabi’s teacher, but I…I really do like you, y/n. I enjoy spending time with you, I like hearing your stories, and telling you mine…”

You take the plunge and link your hand with his. “I like spending time with you too Miguel.”

His fingers interlace with yours. “My work is having a gala in a few weeks, would you come with me? As my date?”

Janey is never going to let you live this down.

“Yeah, sure, sounds like fun.” You tell him, heart skipping a beat when he lifts your hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to it.

“I’ll give you more details as I get them, but I promise it will be a night to remember, even if all you remember is my coworkers getting drunk off their asses.”

You thank him when he opens the car door for you, then he slides into the driver’s seat.

Miguel walks you to your door, lingering in its frame as you hold each other’s gaze, silly lovesick smiles on your faces.

“I should go to bed.” You say, making no attempt to break away from his gaze.

“Me too.” Miguel echoes, also not moving an inch.

“Thank you, again, for dinner.”

“It’s no problem, I’d like to do it again if you’d let me?” He tilts his head to the side, a soft smile on his face.

“I’d like that.” You tell him before you finally take a step back and into your apartment. “Goodnight Miguel.”

He grabs your wrist, gently, reverently, and presses his lips to your palm, the warmth of his face feels nice of your cold hand, the slight stubble tickles your skin, and his lips are soft. “Goodnight y/n.” Then he releases you and turns to go into his own apartment.

You shut your door, face burning. How was it, that out of everything Miguel’s done, that’s what makes your head spin a thousand miles in every direction imaginable?

He really is something else, huh?

Tag list: @miggyoharaswife, @badbishsblog, @wanderlustingcastaway, @lynn-9703, @sleepyamaya, @erensbbg, @sweetea85, @ilovemiguelohara, @natthernandez, @stxrrielle, @ihateuguys, @jenniferdixon05207, @blep-23, @minimari415, @emerald-09, @violet-19999, @kenchosaikuo, @groovycass, @youcantseem3, @lovefks, @nightshxdex, @dusstory, @munsonssecretblog, @kirke-is-my-name, @starbearieee, @chatoicboy, @needsleep3000, @witchy-lizard, @cxmeiloorun7, @justrandomlolidk, @chimpkinnuggies, @alicefallsintotherabbithole, @loser-alert, @wwwellacom, @ryantryan6969, @lollipopin, @blakeaha, @a-cult-leader, @verexi, @purpleskiesandroses, @they2luv1naia, @sophiaj650, @idolautism, @rheannajrs, @merakiq, @rexs-wife, @sukaretto-n, @twilight-loveer, @f1shb0nez, @callsign-blue , @marcelineormars

[heavyhitterheaux]

dad!jack helping the triplets study for finals (because im stressed over finals rn)

“I can’t do this!” Jack heard from the living room and immediately got up to peek around the corner to see his three oldest at the kitchen table with a million books spread out in front of them.

“Can’t do what, Autumn? What’s wrong?” He asked and she simply threw her pencil down before answering him.

“We have to study for our modern world history final and I just know I’m about to fail!”

“Don’t say that, no you won’t. Now what exactly are you struggling with?” Jack asked before going to sit on the other side of the table next to Axel.

“I don’t even know what I don’t know.” She whined while Ivy simply laid her head down on the table and Axel just rested his head on top of his hand.

He could tell that all three of them were frustrated and knew the feeling all too well about being stressed out over finals in high school.

“Okay, all three of you are passing if I have anything to do with it. Now how can I help?”

“I should have never signed up to take this AP class.” Ivy muttered before rolling her eyes.

“Can we stay home and pretend that we’re sick?” Axel asked and Jack just stared at him before answering.

“Axel, you already know the answer to that. Now how about we make flashcards and I can help quiz you to make sure you know it?” Jack suggested and all three of them agreed.

“But, why can't I be a stay at home daughter for the rest of my life?” Autumn asked and Jack simply looked at her in disbelief.

“No. As much as me and your mother love you, absolutely NOT.”

After Jack had helped them make the flashcards, they went era by era studying each one before he quizzed them on it.

“Autumn? Do you know the answer?”

“King Henry the VIII who kept killing his wives because all he had was girls, but that's his fault not hers.”

“Daddy, what if you just only had girls?” Ivy curiously asked as Axel eyed her.

“At one point in time, I wanted eight girls, but your mom wasn't going for that. We ended up with the perfect mixture."

“I…. Eight?”

“I'm still trying to convince her.”

Jack's phone then lit up with a text from you.

Wifey- No. Final answer.

Smush- How did you even hear me!?!?

Wifey- Help my babies study. I hear everything and have eyes in the back of my head. But I don't know why they asked you for help when I'm the smart parent 😕

Smush- Don't start

Instead of texting, you yelled down the stairs.

“JACKMAN, I SAID NO. NOW HELP THEM STUDY AND IF YOU NEED ME LET ME KNOW BECAUSE DADDY BARELY PASSED THAT CLASS.”

“Wait, daddy, you barely passed?” Ivy asked as she looked over at him.

“I was half listening and staring at your mom the whole time. No regrets though.”

“It's amazing that you even graduated at all.”

“AHT AHT! AXEL! NOT TOO MUCH ON MY MAN NOW!”

“How does she hear everything!? It's creepy.”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Respect or Privacy (1)

Tucker is excited for everything about college, even having a roommate for the first time. At least, he is until his roommate Danny turns out to be standoffish and a little bit of a dick. Whatever. It's a disappointment, but he'll survive. The same might not be said of Danny.

This is my first fic for Phic Phight 2024. The prompts I used were:

College AU where the characters don't meet until college and Danny has to hide his halfa status from his dorm roommate (your choice which character that is) [from @shadowfaerieammy], and Tucker fucked up. Hard. But it’s like, how the hell was he supposed to know that hacking the federal government was a bad idea? [from @lexosaurus]

You can also read it on AO3.

Chapter 1: Fuck Around (Chapter 2)

[No warnings apply]

Tucker was excited for college. After the nightmare that was high school (his dad's "just be confident and people will like you and treat you well" advice had been complete garbage), he was looking forward to a school experience where everyone had actually signed up for and more-or-less wanted to be there. He was looking forward to studying programming and information technology, and spending six hours a day on average hanging out with people who were just as interested in those subjects as he was.

Then, obviously, there were the college girls—big bonus to this whole experience. Lastly, he was looking forward to the dorm experience. He'd always been kind of lonely growing up. He was an only child, and he'd never had any close friends. Honestly, he'd been closer with his bullies than he had been to the other guys in the A/V club his mom had convinced him to join which was... embarrassing.

But all freshman were required to live on campus, and he'd signed up for a double room, meaning that he would have a roommate who would have no choice but to spend time with him, and as a result, they would have to get used to each other, and learn to live with each other, and inevitably become best friends—at least until the end of freshman year.

When Tucker reached his new dorm, room 416, he could hear grumbling and shuffling on the other side of the door. His roommate must already be here. He grinned as he opened the door.

"Hey, roomie!" Tucker greeted cheerfully.

His roommate jumped at the sound, and slammed a dresser drawer closed on his finger. "Fuck!" he yelped, and turned around with a wide-eyed look on his face like he'd just been caught doing something illegal.

"Uh... sorry," Tucker said. "Didn't mean to spook ya."

"Heh, you didn't... I mean you surprised me, but I wasn't like... scared...." He cleared his throat and gave Tucker an awkward forced smile. "I'm Danny."

"Tucker Foley." Tucker tossed his duffel bag onto the empty bed and gently placed his box of tech on the desk next to it. "Looked like you were struggling with that drawer, whatcha got in there?"

Danny's smile fell. "Look, I don't wanna sour our relationship right out of the gate, but that's really none of your business. I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my stuff."

"Uh... okay, sure," Tucker agreed. "Wasn't trying to be nosy or anything, anyway. Sorry."

"Good," Danny said, the tension in his body language easing slightly. "As long as you respect my privacy, I think we'll get along fine."

Tucker smiled, but he felt his heart sink. 'Respect my privacy' sounded a lot like it meant 'leave me alone', and 'leave me alone' was pretty much the same as 'I don't want to be your friend', which sounded a lot like all Tucker's hopes for dorm life flushing down the toilet.

"So where're you from, Danny?" Tucker asked. "Or is that information too personal."

Danny paused before answering, like he was genuinely trying to decide if it was too personal or not.

"Illinois," he said finally. "You?"

"Illinois, also. What town?" Tucker asked. "Man, wouldn't it be wild if we grew up in the same place and never met before? I'm from Elmerton."

"Elmerton? Ew," Danny said with a laugh. "I'm an Amity Parker. I'd rather die than live in Elmerton. Elmerton sucks."

"Hey! It may be kinda boring, I'll give you that much, but it's still better than haunted-ass Amity Park!" Tucker argued, thankful it seemed like things were starting to lighten up a bit between him and his new roommate. "At least I didn't grow up surrounded by a bunch of evil ghosts taking revenge on the living."

Tucker was laughing, but just like that, Danny's demeanor got cold and closed off again. Shit. Tucker let his laughter awkwardly trail off, wondering what he'd said wrong. Man, making friends was even harder than he thought.

"Is that all your stuff?" Danny asked. "Just the one bag and a cardboard box?"

"Oh! No! I still have some things to bring up; I left them with the dorm supervisor. I better go get 'em."

"Yeah, you probably should," Danny agreed. "I wouldn't put that much trust in the dorm supervisor, he seemed kinda shady."

"Er... right."

Tucker went down to grab the last of his stuff, and by the time he reentered the dorm room, Danny was gone.

He sighed. "Great first impression, Tuck. Well done."

Danny must've arrive much earlier in the day than Tucker had, because most of his stuff was already unpacked. His bed was made and everything. As Tucker's eyes wandered over Danny's side of the room, they were drawn to the bottom drawer of his dresser, the one he'd accidentally slammed his finger in, trying to make sure Tucker didn't see what was in it.

"I shouldn't," he said out loud. "Danny literally asked for one thing—that I respect his privacy."

Poking around now would be completely stupid. It would ruin my chances of ever being friends with him. Tucker reminded himself internally.

Still, he couldn't tear his eyes away from that drawer.

And he doubted Danny would be back any time soon. It wouldn't be dark for a few more hours at least, and Danny was clearly avoiding him.

Against his better judgement, Tucker knelt down on the floor and opened the dresser drawer, expecting to see sex toys, or lingerie, or something similarly embarrassing. Instead, he found strange, futuristic looking weapons and technology. It looked like alien shit. Was Danny secretly an alien? No, that was stupid.... Right?

Tucker slowly pushed the drawer closed again, questioning everything he knew about the universe.

He would have preferred sex toys.

No, they had to be earthly technology, because Tucker distinctly remembered seeing a logo emblazoned on everything that said 'Fenton Works'. All he had to do was look that up online and put his mind at ease. Danny seemed like a... fairly reasonably guy. There had to be a good explanation for him having a cache of high tech weapons in a college dorm. Although, to be honest, it wasn't looking too good at the moment.

Tucker unpacked his box of tech, set up his desktop PC set up and plugged in his laptop and PDA to charge. Then, he looked up Fenton Works, which brought him to an absolutely hideous orange and teal website for what seemed to be a small family business in Amity Park that specialized in ghost hunting and developing ghost hunting technology.

A sigh of relief escaped him.

Danny definitely wasn't an alien. He was just another paranoid Amity Parker, worried about ghosts attacking, even though they were all the way in Wisconsin. That was probably why he'd tensed up when Tucker made a crack about ghosts before. Tucker's dad sometimes went to Amity Park for work, and he said they were super serious about ghosts there, and didn't appreciate jokes about their haunting situation. Honestly, Tucker should have known better from the start, but he'd thought they were riffing. He hadn't gotten all offended when Danny made fun of Elmerton.

Whatever. He could apologize when Danny got back. In the meantime, he started programming his class schedule for this semester into his PDA, making sure there would be room for homework—and, more importantly, college parties.

As the days passed and classes started and the two of them both got busier, Tucker made an effort to talk to Danny as much as possible, and even though Danny smiled and responded politely, he always dodged any personal topics. Also, Tucker was pretty sure he was avoiding spending more time together than was strictly necessary, but he couldn't be sure. Still, he was determined for he and Danny to be friends.

"So Danny, I heard about this party one of the frats is hosting to draw in pledges," Tucker said. "Obviously I'm not planning to join a frat, but it could still be fun. Wanna come with me?"

"Uh... I'm not really a party person," Danny said apologetically. "I'm more of a bed person, enjoyer of sleeping and chilling."

"I get that, sure, but don't you want to meet people? Make friends? Maybe find a girlfriend? Or boyfriend, I don't judge."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Danny refused. "You have fun, though."

Tucker left it at that, but he couldn't help wondering what exactly was up with Danny being so standoffish. Did he have a problem with Tucker in particular, or was he just anti-social? It wasn't exactly unusual for someone not to want to go to a party. It could be that he didn't like crowds, or loud music, or being around drunk people, or frats in general. There were plenty of reasons Danny might not want to go—and no evidence that Tucker was part of the reason at all.

That didn't stop Tucker from wondering if he was.

That trend continued for the first month. Tucker would invite Danny to do something as friends, and Danny would decline for one reason or another, no matter what it was Tucker had proposed. Everything from parties in the dorm, to just going to get coffee or tea before classes, whether it was loud or quiet, crowded or solitary—even going to study at the library in silence, Danny always had a reason to say 'no', and Tucker was starting to take it personally.

"Okay, what's your deal?" Tucker demanded after Danny once again refused to join him, this time for literally just takeout in their dorm room—Tuck had offered to pay and everything. "Do you have some kind of problem with me, or something? I just want us to get along and shit, 'cause we're roommates, and we have to live with each other all year, but you keep shutting me down! So what gives?!"

"Nothing," Danny insisted. "Honestly, I'm just not hungry."

"Yeah, this time you're not hungry, but you refused laser tag 'cause you're not very athletic, and studying at the library 'cause you had other plans with your classmates, and coffee before class 'cause you don't drink coffee—even though I've literally seen you drinking coffee before!" Tucker snapped. "Dude, it's ten pm, and you haven't eaten since breakfast, you can't not be hungry, so what's wrong with you?!"

Danny flinched at the question, but Tucker couldn't feel too bad for mildly offending the guy who'd been blowing him off all month.

"Nothing," Danny said again, not meeting Tucker's angry gaze. "I'm just... I'm just a regular, ordinary guy. So go ahead and order takeout if you care so much, I'm not gonna stop you."

"No. That's not good enough," Tucker insisted. "I been trying to hang with you since we moved in, and you keep blowing me off for no good reason. So what's the issue? Is it 'cause I'm black?"

"What?! No!"

"Then what?! Give me one good reason why you're treating me this way?"

"Look, it's not about you, okay?"

"Oh, you're gonna pull out an 'it's not you, it's me'? I'm not your overbearing girlfriend, I'm your roommate, and all I wanted to do was get along."

"I don't want any friends, okay?!" Danny finally burst out. "I don't have any problem with you, I just... I just think I'm better off on my own."

All Tucker could do was stare in disbelief.

"I made up excuses because I didn't want to offend you or anything, because I didn't want us to be on bad terms," Danny continued. "We're still roommates. I know that, and I'm not so stupid that I wanted to torch that relationship right out of the gate, but I'm not looking for someone to be best friends with, you know? All I wanted from a roommate was mutual respect and privacy."

"Why?" asked Tucker at length.

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"I mean, why do you want to be alone all the time?" Tucker pressed. "I been there, and it sucks. It's lonely and sad and pathetic and people make fun of you for being some kind of defective human being who can't get anyone lo like you. Why would you want that?"

"I like my solitude," Danny mumbled. He was back to not being able to look at Tucker again.

"You're afraid," Tucker refuted.

"What makes you say that?"

"It's obvious," Tucker said. "I don't know why, but for some reason you're just fucking terrified of people getting close to you? So what is it? Are you terminally ill or something? Do you secretly just have a totally shitty personality? What?"

For a long moment, Danny was silent, but he did tilt his head up to look Tucker squarely in the eye before speaking.

"That's none of your business."

Tucker's forehead wrinkled and his mouth fell open incredulously. Slowly, he shook his head. "Fuckin' fine. Whatever," he said finally. "You want a roommate who'll leave you alone—you got it. But mutual respect is off the table, 'cause you just lost mine."

[sweetestgirlintown111]

henry winter x reader

authors note: I decided to write for Henry Winter as way to get him out of my system, and this is the byproduct. While reading this please keep in mind that it's my first time publishing my work and that English isn't my first language that said of course, feedback is always appreciated so if you have any notes feel free to point them out in the notes or in my asks box. about the story, this won't be following the exact plot or timeline of the book, it's an academic rivals to lovers trope, I have 5 chapters written already and I think it safe to say that it is more of a slow burn, somethings id like to point out is that this fic handles the themes of Catholicism directly and child sexual abuse within it in an indirect manner so if you are uncomfortable with these topics I'd advise you to refrain from reading, of course, content warnings will be present to individual chapters including these topics, also there will be swearing, and I haven't yet decided if there will be smut in this piece, also in this fic I wont be using (Y/N) or any names for my character I also try to refrain from physical descriptions although female pronouns and anatomy are used. lastly, if you think this piece isn't for you please feel free to reach out and send prompts for one-shots or if you would like scenarios or ideas to include in this series, thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy!

prologue |

Henry, stoic, cold, luring Henry. like a fire luring in moths, we were all ready to do as he pleased, convinced that in some way he always knew better. Maybe he did, maybe that's why all seven of us were so complaint, but me -I was so beyond them in that aspect I was fascinated with Henry Winter I would've gone happily to my demise if he ordered me to if it meant that he would be pleased with me.

I first saw Henry at Julian's office, before lessons had started I was there to ask for a schedule since I hadn't got one -the process of signing in to his class was very hard in itself but Julian was an old friend of my mom which was the main reason I got accepted- he was sitting on a couch listening to something Julian was saying that I unknowingly interrupted. he seemed huge at first glance tall with broad shoulders and hair so dark in contrast to the paleness of his skin and the shine of his blue eyes framed with a pair of old-fashioned round thick glasses, he was beautiful that much could be said. but he was also uninterested his glance almost dismissive that look he gave me the same look he’d give me plenty of times after that- a look that made me feel tiny which in comparison to him I was, and so naturally I made him the center of my life at the time. it wasn't so estranged of me to pick the one thing that I couldn't have easily and dig my claws into it, after all, I loved a challenge except this time I wouldn't be able to decide who won if either.

Ancient Greek, this dead language, so esoteric, so elite that naturally I gravitated towards it. at ten its hard to stand out -especially when going to an elite boarding school in the middle of Sweden, everyone's daddy was crazy rich, all the kids had ponies, and all the girls went to the best ballet academies thus nothing materialistic could make you special, so developing an obsessive interest in ancient and dead languages was not only sure to make you stand out but also get you the praise of your teachers, all the while being hard enough that any competition would give up on their own. so it became my niche, my specialty- and by the time I finished high school, it was an easy choice to go to Hampden, seeking an exclusive course of studies with a class of six other students.

although I always strove to stand out academically, I was never as bright socially, usually feeling more fitted with my translations, and maybe in my younger teens, it saddened me, to watch my classmates playing and having so much fun together, and not being able to join- not because they wouldn't let me but because I couldn't let myself. but that envy quickly faded, when plying around turned into partying, sex, heartbreak, and filthy drugs. not that I didn't indulge in substances from time to time, but it was never the cheap stuff and never on school grounds. and so that's how my teens came and were spent, books during school and books -with a little bit of drugs- during whatever break that would send me home.

Back to Hampden, our first class Julian gave us the time to get to know each other and get familiar with one another, going in i'd figured that Henry was the guy I had met earlier- and he had a friend that came with him, Edmund everyone called him Bunny, very chatty which was a striking difference to henry. Two other students were twins a boy, Charles, quite handsome, and the female version, Camilla, they were both boyish and had the same mannerisms they also both had slight southern accents. And then there was Francis, redheaded, tall scrawny, and very stylish indeed and seemed very friendly and inviting and lastly, there was Richard a Californian, quiet and shy. meeting with them was easy enough that it didn't feel dreadful and I quite enjoyed their company, being a bunch of weirdos I felt welcomed in a way, the time was spent discussing literature, ancient scriptures, and civilizations. they all seemed to know enough about the Greeks, Henry, in particular, made it clear that he was above them all when it came to knowing the ancient culture, for the first time in my life I felt like I was on par with someone in knowledge and for the first time as well I didn't feel threatened.

classes with Julian were what any seasoned student would want, he was challenging and inspiring, but having Henry as a competitor wasn't easy, while I was excited about the competition he never held back and it felt like it wasn't just academics we were fighting over but rather something else, the praise of Julian mainly, and I wasn't going to hold back either. I couldn't, even if I wanted to, my whole life the only thing that inspired me to work harder and be smarter was the validation of my teachers, being that I went to boarding school and didn't have the strongest relationship with either of my parents, id turn to whichever adult that would spare me the attention and more often than not they were my teachers, so no I wasn't going to let him have the praise of Julian our only instructor, I wasn't going to make it easy for him.

at first, it started as banter in the middle of class -correcting each other's quotes, racing to answer Julian's questions faster- but later on in the semester as it was clear that we were academically equal, it would turn into pure unfiltered hate. And Henry Winter would make sure that I never forget any of my flaws, ever.

[ru-fiction]

In another life 2

Peter B Parker x GN!Reader

A/N: Mentions of death and grieving.

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

Gwen was in the middle of English class. The teacher had assigned them to read a book called 'The Lord of the Flies.' they were supposed to be having a debate in class about things that happened in the book. The teacher was getting ready to put them into teams, while distracted, Gwen felt a small tap on her shoulder.

She looked behind her to find Y/N waving at her with a big grin on their face. Gwen waves back slightly and turns to face the front, she was again interrupted by another tap on her shoulder. She looks behind her again to find Y/N holding up a folded piece of paper motioning to Peter with their eyes.

Gwen takes the paper from the (h/c) haired teen and turns to the desk across from her.

"Psst... Peter."

Peter turns to look at her, his brows furrowed in confusion. Gwen motions to the paper in her hands before placing it on the floor and using her foot to push it towards him.

Peter reads the note his face flushing at what he read. He turns and faces Y/N who looks at him with a small grin. Peter quickly writes down something, quickly passing the note back to Gwen and nodding his head towards Y/N.

Gwen sighs and gives the paper to Y/N. They quickly read it over, their grin getting bigger with each word they read. Y/N looks up at Peter and the two share secretive smiles before turning to face the front.

After class is over Gwen heads toward her locker to replace her books for her next class. She jumps when her locker door closes finding Peter waiting behind it. A guilty look on his face as he nervously tapped his leg.

"Let me guess. You can't come over to study."

Peter gives her a nervous chuckle.

"Y/N invited me for dinner at their house, I'm meeting their parents. This is a huge step in our relationship. Can we raincheck?"

Gwen laughs and pats her friend on the shoulder.

"I understand. Go have fun."

Peter lets out a relieved sigh and gives Gwen the biggest smile.

"You're the best."

"Just make sure to fill me in."

Gwen points at him as she walks away in the direction of her class, Peter laughs and waves as he does the same.

"Will do!"

Gwen makes it to class before the bell rings, taking a seat next to Y/N.

"Hey, Love."

"Hey."

Gwen sends them a playful smile.

"So, he's meeting the parents?"

Y/N sighs happily.

"Yes, I thought it was time for my people to meet my favorite guy."

They place their chin in their hand and stare off with a dreamy look in their eyes.

"Honestly, I think he's the one."

Gwen's eyebrows raised in question.

"Really?"

"Honestly, he's everything..."

-

A couple days have passed since then and the group of friends were now seated at a lunch table. Gwen had been really busy trying to balance being Spider Gwen and school. Her time with her friends suffered for it but she didn't think the two really minded the extra alone time.

"So..."

Gwen drums her hands on the table getting the couple's attention.

"How'd it go?"

Peter looked embarrassed and Y/N started to laugh beside him.

"It was mortifying."

"Babe. It wasn't your fault."

Gwen's eyes shined with excitement at the look on Peter's face.

"This I have to hear."

Peter places his face in his hands with a groan and Y/N softly rubs his back.

"It's nothing too serious. The dinner I invited him to happened to be my mom's birthday dinner."

Peter lets out another noise of embarrassment.

"I had informed Peter of this, letting him know I would be leaving to pick up her cake and might not be home when he showed up."

Gwen nods. Peter begins to speak though his voice was muffled by his hands.

"I convinced them to let me grab it since I was headed that way..."

"Long story short. Peter brought back a cake that was clearly not the one we ordered."

Peter begins to lean into Y/N, stuffing his red face into their neck.

"Someone had it signed, 'Hey, old bat. You're one year closer to death.' My parents thought it was funny."

Gwen laughs then coughs to try to hide it.

"I'm such an idiot."

"No baby, you're not an idiot."

Gwen covers her mouth trying to hide her smile from her distressed friend.

"Oh my god. I would be embarrassed too if I were you."

Y/N sends Gwen an icy glare for that comment which causes her to raise her hand in defense while Y/N tries to convince Peter that he did nothing wrong.

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

Elsewhere...

It was a great day, the sun was shining and the wind blew through your hair, the grass was soft under your fingers and the air was filled with laughter as you sat next to Mary Jane in the park. In the distance stood Peter with a bright smile on his face, he walked over with a box of pizza in his hand. However the closer he got the darker your surroundings got. Peter and Mary Jane started to fade away leaving you all alone.

You now found yourself surrounded by darkness.

All of a sudden Peter walked into view again. He looked like he was in a trance walking in the opposite direction of you. You scream out to him, trying to get his attention but he makes no acknowledgement of your presence.

You go to chase after him only to find that your feet were stuck in place, Peter continues to walk until he is no longer in your sight.

Suddenly the darkness began to slowly crawl up your skin leaving you feeling cold. You started to feel like you were suffocating.

You jump up from your sleep letting out heavy breaths as sweat accumulates on your forehead, your tv played in the background illuminating the room with a red glow.

"Sad news tonight, the hero known as Spiderman has died."

You whimper. You had tried not to think about what happened earlier but all you could do was replay the moment of your friend dying in your arms.

Even though you knew that you didn't have powers and probably wouldn't have been much help, you couldn't help but feel like it was your fault. You felt powerless.

You turned off the device at the mention of Peter's name and threw the covers over your head not wanting to deal with the reality of the situation.

The next day you are woken up by call. You check your phone to find that your boss was calling.

"Hello."

An angry voice comes from the phone leading you to roll your eyes.

"Look I'm sorry this is last minute but I need the day off."

You hang up with a heavy sigh. You didn't get any sleep until the very early hours of the day. You stuffed your face into your pillow groaning into it, a part of you had hoped you wouldn't wake up, you didn't want to live in a world without Peter. You try to force yourself to fall asleep but your phone starts to ring again. You let out a defeated sigh and answer not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Yes?"

You jump up at the sound of a motherly figure on the phone.

"May?"

You listen to her talk about how her and Mary Jane had set up a memorial for him with the rest of the city.

"Yeah. I'll be there in a minute."

You got up to get ready. You looked into the mirror and tried to give yourself a pep talk to try and make it through the day.

—🕸️

Town square was filled with many people. While You, May, Mary Jane and a lot of other people wore black, there was a few people dressed in Spiderman masks. Even though they didn't know him truly, the thought of them being here to celebrate his memory made you happy. May motioned for you to come up and stand next to her as Mary Jane got ready to say her speech.

"My favorite thing about Peter, is that he made us each feel powerful. We all have powers of one kind or another."

You looked down at the ground guilt starting to eat at you. You felt a hand in yours and looked up to see May giving you a reassuring look. You told May and Mary Jane about everything that happened last night and though neither one of them blamed you, you couldn't help but hate yourself. You wondered if he would still be here if you had never left. Or maybe you'd be in his place instead.

"But in our own way. We are all Spiderman. And we're all counting on you."

After the service you turn to leave, ready to go back home and hide in your bed when a hand grabs your arm and you're pulled into an alley. You unconsciously pull your arm away from the person and balled your fist, ready to throw a punch when...

"Wait! Don't hit me."

You stop with your fist inches away from the perpetrator. You knew that voice.

"Kid?"

He pulls off the masks with an awkward grin on his face.

"Hey!"

He waves at you.

"How are you feeling?"

You ignore the question, not wanting to feel yet. You knew that if another person asked you that you for sure wouldn't be able to hold it in. You decided to hyper focus on the situation at hand.

"You can't be doing that."

You sigh as you lean against the wall.

"I'm a highly trained sidekick. You could really get hurt, grabbing me like that."

You straighten your black jacket and rub your fingers on your pants as you lecture the boy.

''Sorry."

The kid kneels down into his backpack and starts to pull out different comics. It was hard not to think about your friend when everything around had his face on it.

"I actually need your help to try and understand this."

He tried to show you a page but you just couldn't look at it.

"Look, I'm not in the right headspace right now to be a teacher."

"I get that but I'm freaking out."

He grabs your shoulders to keep you from leaving.

"There's no one I can go to about this."

His brown pleading eyes looked into your dull (e/c) ones.

"Please. Help me."

This is what Peter wanted. You remembered when Peter told you how alone he felt when he first got his powers, how he hated hiding who he was to the people he loved. A part of you didn't want the kid to go through the same thing and another part of you wanted to just be left alone.

"Okay. But I need to go somewhere first."

"Really? You'll train me?"

He cheers as you walk away.

"Lets go, Kid!"

He quickly gathers his things and rushes behind you to catch up.

"I'm Miles by the way."

You stop for a moment turning towards him with your hand out, he grabs it giving it a firm grip.

"I'm Y/N."

You turn on your heel and head towards the direction of your house.

-

"What are we doing here?"

Miles looks around your house, picking up small gadgets or looking at pictures of you and Peter.

"Oh, what's this?"

He picks up a controller looking device, he presses the button and a laser shoots out cutting your couch in half.

"Miles!"

He throws the controller away and looks at you innocently.

"Sorry."

Miles looks around the room again and finds a hard drive, he picks it up and studies it wondering if it had something important on it.

"Miles."

He jumps at the sound of your voice, dropping the drive on the ground. He accidentally steps on it when he turns to look at you.

"Can you stop touching stuff?"

He nods and gives you a thumbs up before turning to see if he could find where he dropped the drive. When he does find it he starts to panic realizing that he had crushed it. He hides it in his jacket pocket hoping you didn't see and really hoping that it wasn't important in any way.

You sigh as you continue to type on your computer. The next thing you hear was the hum of the printing machine. You walk towards it to grab the paper you just printed along with a pen before handing it to Miles.

"What's this for?"

He questions as he begins to sign the bottom. You make sure it's in your hands before you answer him.

"A contract stating that I had informed you beforehand that I was not in the right state of mind due to—"

You let out a deep exhale not wanting to say the words.

"Circumstances and therefore I will not be responsible for my actions."

You grab a few gadgets to take with you as Miles looks confused about your statement.

"What's that mean?"

You give him a tight lipped smile before nodding your head towards the door.

-

Miles swallows hard as he stands at the edge of a tall building with you standing a few ways behind him.

"You have to jump Miles."

He shakes his head, fear clear in his eyes.

"You're insane."

You sigh.

"This is supposed to help you."

"How is this helping me?"

"We're going to practice web slinging."

He looks at you like you grew a second head.

"By me jumping off the roof?"

You walk up to the kid and place your hands on his shoulders.

"Look at me."

Miles brown eyes meet yours.

"Take a deep breath."

The two of you each take one, Miles to calm his nerves and you to get in a better mindset.

"I will be here to catch you if you fall."

You nod at him which he copies.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

You walk him towards the edge again, he's still quite nervous about it.

"You need to jump."

He starts to freak out, you let out a sigh at his reaction before pushing him off the building. You noticed that he was more worried about freaking out than saving himself.

"Maybe that wasn't a good idea.''

You winced making a note to be more clear in your directions so you don't kill the kid. You click the heels of the boots you were wearing and the rockets under them started to flare. You dive off the building passing the falling teen and caught him when you landed.

He clings to you tightly, physically shaking in your arms.

"Sorry Kid. I shouldn't have done that."

You give him a guilty look as he looks into you like you're crazy.

"What did I get myself into?"

He says to himself now really regretting signing that paper you gave him.

-

The two of you stood at the edge of the building again. This was Miles fifth attempt and he just wasn't getting it. He kept freaking out at the idea of falling to realize that he's the one that has to save himself.

"You ready?"

He hops on his feet trying to shake the nerves off.

"Okay. I got this."

He looks determined and ready to go. He lets himself fall but halfway through he starts to panic again and somehow got stuck to the wall.

"You need to let go."

You say calmly, hoping he would take the hint and let his instincts take over.

"What!"

"You need to let go, otherwise this is gonna take all day."

He looks at you for a moment and nods. He personally didn't know how to stop himself from sticking but because he was focused on you and not himself his body started to slip from the wall.

"That's not what I meant."

You flew down to catch him.

-

The two of you sat on the edge of the roof. You were giving Miles time to relax while you tried to think of a way to help him understand his powers.

At this moment you wished Peter was here. He would know what to do, he always knew what to do. You felt like no one could teach someone to be Spiderman like Spiderman could.

"Alright, let's go."

You say as you notice the sky getting noticeably darker.

"Where are we going?"

You help him stand up before flying the both of you to the solid ground.

"I'm gonna go visit a friend and then we'll feed you."

Miles' tummy rumbles at the sound of food.

"I could eat."

He shrugs as he follows you.

—🕸️

The two of you were now at the graveyard, tombs were covered in snow and the ground was frozen over, You were currently shivering after handing Miles your coat. He told you to keep it but you insisted.

The two of you walked deeper into the graveyard until you stopped at one tombstone in particular. Your body tense when you read it. You didn't want to deal with reality but it was inevitable. There were different kinds of flowers that surrounded it along with a few Spider-Man masks and balloons and a newspaper segment about his death.

You sat down in front of it, Miles following suit. The two of you just sat there in silence. You softly rubbed the carving as Miles sat beside you and watched you with a look of pity.

He rubs your back when you finally pull away from the carving.

"You okay?"

You just shake your head not wanting to talk about your feelings with anyone. Feelings you had been bottling up all day.

"He was my b-best friend."

You continue to stare at Peter's name.

"We've been together since forever. It's hard to believe he won't be around anymore."

You take a shaky breath while looking at the sky and trying to blink back the tears. Miles continued to pat your back. He knew you didn't want to talk but he still wanted to be there for you even if you two only knew each other for a day.

The two of you continue to sit in silence, the snow falling and getting trapped in your hair and caught on the coat Miles was wearing. Church bells rang in the distance.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure he was as great a man as he was a hero."

You smile slightly and nod. He was a great person and you spent your last hours with him being mad about something you caused.

"I just wish-"

You let out another shaky breath while shaking your head. Miles figured you needed time to gather yourself so he pats your shoulder before getting up to walk away.

"Ahh!"

He screams when he sees a shadowy figure in the distance. You stand up quickly and pulled him behind you with an alarmed look on your face, you reach into the pocket of your jacket that Miles was wearing to pull out one of your gadgets.

But Miles was faster and instantly shocked the dude on sight but a web caught on his outfit and he ended up getting pulled along with the dude.

You rushed up to him to check for any injuries.

"You okay?"

He nods his head at you.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

You pull his hands in yours, looking at them curiously.

"How'd you do that?"

He shrugs.

"I don't know it just happened."

You turned to look at the unconscious man and you instantly froze. How was this possible? How was he here? He died in your arms, was this the universe fucking with you?

Miles notices the look on your face before also looking at the stranger. He brows furrowed in confusion.

The two of you turned to look at each other before turning your attention back to the unconscious man in front of you.

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

[thaliaisalesbian]

i get myself twisted in threads

Chapters: 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30

Chapter 31: could it be easy this once?

“Jon, come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Working at the mall together?”

“Yeah! Nancy said she might if her internship at the paper falls through.” Why Steve is looking at those applications this early, Jonathan’s not sure. The internships are different; everyone knows the mall is going to be desperately hiring when it opens.

“I’ll think about it.” He’s working on getting an internship at the paper, too, though Steve might be right. Don’t malls sometimes have photo stations? He’ll have to look into it. Maybe he’ll find a record shop or something, that might work too.

He and Nancy were really looking forward to working together, though.

They’ve still got time, anyway.

“Are you doing anything for your classes over the summer?���

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t know that it would be a good idea, anyway. Probably better to work and get something saved up.”

For what? As far as Jonathan knows, Steve’s parents aren’t going to kick him out or stop paying on the utilities when he turns eighteen, though honestly it wouldn’t be too surprising if they did.

“My mom called. She talked my dad around, apparently. He’s still upset that I didn’t get into any colleges.”

“Talked him around from what?” Nancy doesn’t even bother knocking anymore; Mom had somehow gotten Steve’s house key and made copies at the same time she made copies of their house key. Jonathan is not going to ask questions.

“He wanted to send me to a military school, though I’m not sure how that would have worked for him after I turned eighteen. After that, the plan was for me to pay the property taxes and utilities.”

“What are you actually going to have to pay for to stay there?” Steve doesn’t even seem upset about this. He must have been expecting worse news.

“Just groceries and gas for my car, still. At least until I graduate high school. Mom’s convinced him to start up my allowance again because ‘at least I’m trying to graduate’. It’s a lower amount, though.”

“How much do you have saved already?”

“I’ve got cash hidden in three spots in my room.” Steve says. “They’re still on my back account, I can’t take them off until I’m eighteen, so if they wanted to shut it down they could. Probably about two grand, total. I don’t know how long it would last me if I needed it. I’d rather have the extra, just in case. If something happens and I have to leave, my dad will shut down my accounts and I’d have nothing.”

Jonathan hasn’t even looked at his bank account in at least a year. He cashes his checks in sometimes, but mostly Mom just takes his to the banks with hers and puts them all in at once.

Though she hasn’t really been doing that for the past year or so; he’ll have to ask why.

“What about the money from Owens?” Nancy paces for a minute. “Where’s that? Mike and I both have some; we can’t access the full amount until we’re twenty-one, but there’s a monthly allowance put into an account our parents don’t know about for us.” When neither of them say anything, she continues. “Jonathan, your mom would probably have yours, because she’s in the know, Steve, you should have at least some of yours.”

“No one ever said anything to me about that.” 

“Really? They talked to Mike and I when we signed the NDAs. I’m planning on using it for college.”

“I’ll have to check with Mom.” Jonathan says slowly. She has been really insistent lately that he doesn’t need to work, but she’s always done that. And there have been some repairs done on the house, but he’d figured some of that was paid for by Owens, after everything. “She hasn’t said anything to me, if that’s the case.”

But then he thinks about some of the art supplies Will has now; how Mom had brought him new film rolls for his camera; they have a new stove, even.

“You should. Steve, you might want to talk to Hopper.” Nancy’s got a plan going already, grabbing paper off of Steve’s desk and writing out the details.

If they have this money, then he can go to college without having to take out loans, probably. Especially if he gets a scholarship.

But then, if they have all of this money, why haven’t they moved? Gotten a bigger house, or added onto it or something?

Mom has to have a reason for that.

He wants to call her right away, but she’s at work, so it’ll have to wait. Jonathan doesn’t want to get her in trouble with her boss.

“What do you want for dinner?” Steve leans into him so that he can whisper and not interrupt Nancy’s muttered calculations and planning.

“How about that pasta bake you were telling me about the other day?”

“Yeah, I can do that. Chicken or ham? We’d have to throw the chicken on the grill, but the ham could just go right in.”

“Ham.” Sounds easier than chicken.

“Nance, you can plot your world domination in the kitchen, we’re making dinner.” Steve pulls her up smoothly, then does the same for Jonathan—only he sends them both to the floor instead.

“Really, Steve?” He kisses Steve’s cheek anyway.

“What, I’m not allowed to help you up now?”

“Not if we both end up on the floor. Did you hit your head?” When Owens and Irene had come by for a check-up last week, they’d told them about the concussion and bruising.

Now, they just have to convince Steve to go in for a bunch of scans to make sure he's okay. Owens said it’d be covered, so he won’t have to worry about his parents finding out through insurance or something.

“Wait, what are you making?” Nancy holds one of Steve’s crutches out to him, looking a little startled when he actually takes it.

“It’s a surprise.” Steve tells her. “You just worry about world domination. Jonathan and I will take care of everything else.”

“Everything else?”

“Yep. Your wish is our command.”

“Just name the time and place.” Jonathan adds. “If you’re going to take over the world, you need minions, right?”

“That’s what the kids are for.” Nancy’s mouth turns up at the corners. “You two wouldn’t be mere minions.”

“Then what would we be, my lady?” Steve asks, more dramatic with every word. “Your harem, kept up in a room for you to admire as you wish? Your enforcers? Arm candy?”

“I’ve heard that you can be quite threatening with that nail bat, Steve.” Nancy muses. “But we can’t have you getting any more injured, so publicly you’ll be arm candy. You’ll be in charge of the kitchen for the appearance of keeping you busy when you’re not with me, and you’ll make me any dessert I request. Jonathan, you’ll be in charge of making sure most of the place looks like it came right out of a photograph, and of course you two will have to switch off on your arm candy duties.”

She pauses at the bottom of the stairs, turning to grin up at them. “And secretly, you’ll be my most trusted advisors.”

“Why secretly?” Jonathan asks. Not that he minds; he doesn’t know of many people who would call him arm candy, especially next to Steve, and, well, he really likes that Nancy does.

“Well, if no one knows you’re my advisors, then why would they target you for anything? You’d just be my pretty boys.”

Steve stumbles a little, but Jonathan can’t tell if it’s because of what Nancy said or if it’s because his crutch slipped; he grabs his arm either way.

“You’ll have to tell us more while I—” Jonathan tightens his grip a little as Steve falters again, “while we make dinner. What would you make your little minions do? I can think of a few things for the shitheads.”

“I’m sure we all can think of more than a few. But that’s not the important part… yet. We have to get there first.”

“Whatever you say, High Lady.”

“No, that’s not going to work as a title.”

Their world domination chatter slows as their dinner bakes, and by the time they’re done eating and cleaning up, Nancy and Jonathan have to go home.

It’s a shame, really. Jonathan was looking forward to seeing how many times he and Steve could make Nancy blush with different titles for her new-found position.

finish on ao3 or continue reading

Once she’s safely in her room, Nancy lets herself think a little more about this world domination plan.

Mostly, she lets herself think how Steve had reacted when she’d called them ‘pretty boys’, and although Jonathan had been better at hiding it, she thinks he liked it too.

That just means she’s going to have to use it more often.

“Nancy! Joyce Byers is on the phone for you!” Mom must still be by the phone downstairs. She checks the clock; it hasn’t quite been long enough for Jonathan to make it back home yet, if that’s what Joyce is calling about.

“Hey, Joyce.” She hears her mom get off the line on the other phone.

“Hi, Nancy.” For a minute, she can forget that she’s talking to her boyfriend’s mom. It feels like Barb one of her friends has called and they’re about to talk about their plans. “It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen you, I just wanted to check in.”

“Oh. You’re—you’re not calling about Jonathan?”

“No, he just pulled in, he’s fine. I know things have gotten busier, and it’s different now that Steve’s not staying with us or with Jim—” She always forgets that Joyce calls Hopper Jim. It is his name, and they’re both adults, so it makes sense, but it still feels so weird to think of him as ‘Jim’. “But we’ve had some good conversations, when we get the chance.”

Most of those are just Joyce giving her advice. Usually about dating her boys.

She hasn’t been wrong yet. Nancy wants to know how Joyce figured all of this out.

“We do.” Nancy agrees. “I miss talking to you, too.” She doesn’t realize how true it is until she says it.

“Well, I have the day off tomorrow—how about a girls’ lunch, and if we feel like it, we can invite the boys for dinner.”

“Girls’ lunch meaning just us…?”

“Max and Jane are included in that.” Jane. Right. That’s the name they’re using for El when they’re not supposed to be talking about her.

Nancy hasn’t found out why; she’ll have to ask. “Just tell me when and where.”

“Jim is dropping Max and Jane off at noon, but you can come by before that if you want. Eleven, maybe?”

“If you’re hoping I can help cook, Jonathan can tell you that I’m hopeless.”

“I’m sure you’re not as bad as I am.” Muffled, she hears, “I’m talking to Nancy, honey.”

“I’m worse, ask him.” Nancy says.

“She is!” Jonathan’s further away, and she just saw him, but hearing his voice makes her smile anyway.

“What do you say, Nancy?”

“Sounds like fun. I’ll bring my nail polish and some dress-up clothes. Max might not be into it, but E-Jane might find something she likes.”

“You’re a good one, Nancy.” She can hear Joyce’s smile in her voice. “Jonathan’s taking the boys to the arcade for most of the day; I think Jim wants to check in with Steve. And then we can have a family dinner afterward.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.” Mom’s probably not going to be too happy, but Nancy doesn’t care. Mike won’t be home for dinner either.

“I’ll let you go, then. Don’t stay up too late!”

“I won’t.” She promises. “Have a nice night, Joyce.” Is it wrong that sometimes she wishes Joyce was her mom?

Predictably, her mom comes up to ask what the call was about.

If she was just going to ask anyway, she might as well have stayed on the line.

“Joyce just wanted to know if I wanted to have a girls’ day with her and the girls in Mike’s friend group tomorrow. I’ll be going over around eleven.”

“That’s sweet of her, to give them a break from all those boys.” Nancy wonders if one of them requested it. El might have, but given how attached she is to Steve, it seems more likely that she would have wanted a day with him.

Max… she doesn’t really know Max all that well. She doesn’t know if Max would have wanted a day away from the boys or not. Maybe she’d rather be beating them at arcade games.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun. I’m going to bring some of my old clothes for them to try on. They’ll be out of style by the time Holly is big enough to wear them, Mom.” She rolls her eyes when her mom tries to protest.

“Who are those girls? The redhead and who else? Someone at school?”

Fuck. What is she supposed to say about El?

“No, she doesn’t go to school yet. She’s staying with Chief Hopper for now, she was in a bad situation and school would probably be a little too overwhelming for her yet.”

“Oh, I see.” Her mom doesn’t step into the room, just stays in the doorway. How long is this going to go on? Normally she would have shut the door by now. “Well, you have a good time. Mike’s going to the arcade, and then he’s eating dinner at the Byers’.”

“I’ve been invited to dinner too, if I’m still there.”

“Of course you have. I’ll have to see if there are any movies Holly might like, then, and take her out. Just… you and Mike both be back before nine. Tomorrow’s a school night.”

“I’ll make sure we are, Mom.” She can’t tell what her mom’s thinking. It’s not like she told them she had anything planned for tomorrow; if she had, then Nancy would have declined the dinner invite. Mike would grumble about it a lot, but he’d make sure he was home for dinner, too. “I’m sure you and Holly will find a movie. Or you could bake something together, I remember we did that when I was little. It was always fun.”

That was before Mike was around, and when he was a baby. She and Mom had their special baking time when he was down for his naps, because Nancy had been ‘too big’ for naps.

By the time Mike was three, they’d become a monthly event instead of a weekly event. She’d been in school by then, so that limited their time, but they’d had weekends.

And when her mom found out she was pregnant with Holly, it seemed like the world had stopped. It’d only gotten worse after Holly was born.

It’s like her mom lost a part of herself, or something, and she didn’t know how to get it back but now she’s trying.

But she can’t make up for the years she’d missed, even when she’d been physically present.

Nancy hasn’t thought about baking with her mom like this in a while. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it.

“I’ll see if she’d like that.” Nancy has to restrain herself from saying ‘she will.’ Holly had been so happy when they’d made cookies with her. “If you want to, Nancy, we could try something a little more complicated now that you’re older. Just you and me, like we used to.”

“Yeah, I would like that. But I’m not very good at baking. Or cooking. Or anything other than mixing.”

“I remember your salty cookies.” Her mom smiles. “It was nice of you to try. I can teach you, you just need practice. I’ll go shopping this week and if you don’t have plans next Saturday, we can do it then.”

She’d been hoping to see Steve and Jonathan next Saturday, but given that she wants to spend pretty much all of her time with them, she’s going to have to disregard that thought for now.

“Next Saturday sounds good, Mom.”

“Good. I’ll set up a play-date for Holly, and talk to Mike about what he’d like to do so we can have the house to ourselves.”

As rough as things have been lately, Nancy’s just glad that her mom is at least trying now.

<- 30 32 ->

[sodacansculptures]

I started following you on Facebook some years ago, and then apparently forgot all about your stuff. It just popped into my head randomly and I wanted to see if you're still active and if you're still making soda can sculptures?

Hi, I apologize, I have no idea when you sent this since Tumblr (at least mobile) doesn't have time stamps, and for whatever reason, I don't get notifications about messages. You're the first person I've heard who has migrated from my Facebook page to my Tumblr, so thank you for joining the blog! Way more commentary here than there where my mom can see.

To answer your question succinctly: I am alive, and that's about the best I can say I've been since covid. 

(I have donation links at the bottom, if you feel moved to want to help me.)

The extended director's cut answer:

After I made the Eevee sculpture, grad school ramped up and I figured I'd return to sculpting after I got my degree and settled into a job. However, I graduated in Spring of 2020, so the job I had lined up was withdrawn, and with all the budget cuts and layoffs in my field, I was competing for jobs with people who were trying to reenter the field and had decades more experience than me. 

I did 100+ applications (I lost count at 120-something), dozens of interviews (including getting to the final round of all that had such a format--which is a stupid format. You don't need to meet me in a formal pretense 3 times, ask me riddles, have me take multiple hour-long aptitude tests, plus make me travel on my own dime just to tell me "no" and not even send like a "2nd Place Loser" gift basket or accept my LinkedIn request or anything). I got super stressed and super depressed. 

I was so busy with trying to find a job and trying to deal with the breakdowns of not finding one. I tried applying in all the fields I was capable of at all levels: executive, mid, and gruntwork. I was turned down from entry level, no-talent-necessary jobs because I was overqualified. I was turned away from the others because of the lack of experience and unprecedented level and caliber of competition.

I was (still am) unable to pay my bills and, when not having breakdowns, I was calling, emailing, filling out applications, etc. for any and all financial aid. It was very arduous work and tedious with all the documentation they wanted from me, hold times on the phone, etc. 

I had a non-profit (ADVOCAP) laugh at me when I asked for rent help because apparently they were overwhelmed and I wasn't going to get anything as I didn't have a job or kids and was considered a non-priority. Later when I was working with the ADRC, I asked if my case manager (I applied for disability, but I'll explain in a bit) if she knew of any rent help. She basically scolded me for asking and told me that it was unethical of me to seek that because "that's for people who actually have a chance." People who have jobs, she means. She explained that that money wasn't meant for me, and that was a whole unexpected slap in the face with a bag of dogshit. Didn't realize we had devolved into a utilitarian society quite that quickly.

I started working with FSET (my state's employment training and search help program. I was literally trying everything. Like I had also called my college and emailed all my professors asking for job help, and they had no answers other than like, "look online"). After months of no luck, FSET eventually convinced me to sign with a temp agency.

I worked 2 temp jobs that treated me like garbage (worsening my depression) and also paid me as such. I had lost all my savings to trying to stay afloat and my free time was non-existent, unless you count the hours I'd spend in the middle of the night just walking around my neighborhood listening to music--in an attempt to stop what seemed like endless crying--while I cried.

I tried selling plasma but they rejected me because I couldn't ever get my heart rate low enough, as my antidepressants increase heart rate. I tried going off of them, but I was on them for a reason, so I need to go back on.

When I graduated, I had bought myself a PS4 as a graduation gift to myself. I could afford it and thought I earned it. All the atmosphere of rejection and failure the pandemic created for me and my link to survival (employment should not be tied to survival. I was doing everything right and the system was failing me direly while virtually no one else who shared my experiences understood why I couldn't get a job when "everywhere is hiring" and "nobody wants to work anymore") and I started to hate myself for stuff like gifting myself the PS4. I felt undeserving, like a waste of resources, etc. because those were the messages I was constantly receiving directly and indirectly.

I eventually landed a job in my field and was hired on the spot. I felt like I had hit the jackpot and finally was going to be okay. Surprisingly to everyone in my life, the job made my life even worse.

I signed an NDA due to being horribly abused for the 10 months I was there, so I can't say much more than I just barely paid off my credit card, still had no free time as I was salary and worked nights and weekends in addition to my scheduled hours because the real reason they hired me instantly was not because I impressed them but rather because they were collapsing and desperate for anyone with some level of responsibility and capability. I hated that job, was bullied and abused extremely badly by coworkers and bosses and HR was no help, and when my performance review came back with negative impressions of me when I was sacrificing so much to keep the employment entity alive and functional, I completely broke.

I ended up hospitalized for months for suicide, and part of the NDA included resigning. I never fully recovered and don't think I ever will. I think I've seen and experienced too much to return to the idea that I could be the trailblazer my professors projected me to be (I now think professors don't actually provide an accurate representation of the field and encourage with no basis for their optimism). 

The human mind is very easy to manipulate with propaganda, and I didn't catch myself being in a sort of “main character syndrome” and thinking that because I was Valedictorian of my graduating class and that I had so many national and international recognitions, awards, accolades, and qualifications that I was, for lack of a better term, pulling myself up by the bootstraps and going to be rewarded with a promising future where success is not just viable but imminent. I knew the world wasn't fair and that some people could do all the prescribed “right” steps and fail, but the operating paradigm (that had been ingrained in me since childhood from teachers who saw me as bright) I had held told me that I was far too talented and hard-working to fail. I had very little doubt that I wouldn't be successful. I was an ideal, hypothetical model of a pre-successful American worker.

So anyway, I didn't expect to have all the trouble that I faced finding a good job. At the end of the first summer of covid with nothing but rejections and employers affirming to me that there was nothing I could have improved on to get the job other than have prior experience, I was a discouraged worker who didn't even try anymore. 

That's when FSET convinced me to do the temp agencies (who dropped me because one employer who was inhumanely abusive and ironically an HR department) gave a bullshit reason about me violating a protocol so they wouldn't have to make good on their promise to hire me after the temp period. 

(I had allergies and it was literally the exact week in September when allergies were at their worst. A coworker, who hated me for some reason I never figured out and can only assume was jealousy, reported me for having a runny nose and I was immediately escorted out for bringing covid symptoms into the building. If I didn't go to work any day I had a runny nose, I wouldn't go any day. I take allergy meds literally every day of my life. My parents kept me too clean as a baby or something and didn't let me eat enough dirt, so an allergy panel showed I was allergic to every single common indoor and outdoor allergen).

Back to my suicidal hospitalization: I could say so much on the inpatient part. Suffice it to say I was never given my meds and there were no groups because they were understaffed and constantly wound up/pissed because of the uncooperative patients, so it was like prison where you had to argue with staff to get your basic needs met, and no soft surface existed and the water was always freezing, so it genuinely felt like being locked in a concrete box with no sunlight, no one on your side (they lied and said they called my psychiatrist and therapist. They never did. They also lied about ordering my meds), and no contact with the outside world. It was like a cruelly-designed Mr. Beast challenge with no reward in the end. 

My friends said I was messed up for 2 weeks after and scary af because I was in survival-fight mode that would not turn off. I also was too overwhelmed by the outside world when I got out and could only eat pre-packaged snacks for a while because that was all I was used to/comfortable with.

Part of the agreement to let me leave inpatient was to do an intensive all-day outpatient program. I was actually dropped from that by insurance because I had undiagnosed ADHD among all my other issues and couldn't show up on time or sometimes at all. I still don't have my ADHD figured out because I had to convince my psychiatrist to refer me to a neuropsych who booked out for months to test me. I did it and got “Yes, much ADHD. All of the ADHD. Very wow.” So my psychiatrist finally believed me and agreed to start me on ADHD meds.

My psychiatrist and I are still working to find an ADHD med that would work for me. Vyvanse helped for a time, but my body metabolized it too quickly, leaving me with only around 6 functional hours in the day. I'm currently on extended-release Adderall, but so far not much help and there are too many other variables that could be fucking with it, like that my sleep-wake cycle is extremely unpredictable and I have a million appointments every day, so I am constantly sleep-deprived and am actually busier now than I was in grad school or any 8-hour job I worked.

The breakdown I had triggered me to develop fibromyalgia, so that has been a whole ordeal. I'm constantly in pain, it again took many months to see any doctor about it, and the meds take so long to start taking effect that we've been trying since June to find something that works.

The crucible that was my pandemic experience didn't refine me like fire refines gold or whatever the saying is but rather left me burnt, and not in the way that you can scrape the charred parts off of toast but like BURNT burnt (I can't think of an example. Maybe a popsicle. You're not getting that back once you take a flamethrower to it. Plus the stick would crumble into ash. RIP popsicle).

My life lately is a lot of appointments I often miss and have to reschedule, arguments with various agencies and even my doctors, breakdowns, and driving for Uber Eats because no one can fire me (but it pays beans and I get flack from restaurants and customers AND Uber because somehow the driver is the scapegoat for any issue that arises. I was so proud of my delivery aptitude and quality service until the tip-baiters and people being assholes for no reason started hitting me as common and daily occurrences). 

A lot of people don't understand how UberEats works, but Uber doesn't even pay their driver enough to cover gas or depreciation on their vehicle for the mileage, much less the value of the driver's time and physical efforts. Tips are literally ⅔ of my income and my income does not cover my bills despite all the time I put in and algorithm I set up for myself that determines which trips to accept/reject for the most profit. It's a very toxic and unprotected form of employment. A lot of people lie that I didn't give them their food so that they can get a refund, but that comes back on me and risks my account being deactivated. It's virtually a fear-based system with some tricky artificial competition that Uber likes to throw in from time to time to convince us to drive for less and less pay. 

I've looked into all the alternatives like GrubHub, Spark, DoorDash, etc. but I've been on their waiting lists for years, including GrubHub booting me off their list even though I was always quick to respond to their periodic question of if I still wanted to be on the list.

Between depression and ADHD, I can't work a normal job. I no longer have the capacity to keep a routine and can't show up to things with any level of reliability despite how badly I want to. I also don't have the spoons to deal with working with others or being accountable for tasks that feel--idk how to articulate it, but like--stupid to my autism. If something seems inefficient or not progressive (like not helpful to humanity) to me, I can't get my brain to do it. And with ADHD, if it's not interesting to me/something I am passionate about (I was extremely lucky that learning and receiving the praise from teachers I never got from my parents was my passion that got me so far and through multiple degrees), I can't get my brain to let me do it. Sometimes I just can't do anything, including things I want to do, and simply end up stuck. I wouldn't last in any job that wasn't self-directed and only happening when I have the spoons to be available. My options are very limited. And Uber can be slow. I've had times where I've waited 13 hours and not gotten a single request that wasn't going to cost me money to run.

Uber has some personal difficulties for me. In the summer, I found it a little bit fun, but now that it's cold, my Raynaud's is painful and I don't enjoy having to watch out for people who got their licenses from cereal boxes and don't know how to drive in the snow. It's an unpleasant sensory experience for me to work and honestly risky safety-wise. People don't turn on their porch lights for some reason (I have a headlamp now) and don't salt their walkways, and I'm uncoordinated because my dad didn't throw a ball at me enough as a kid probably, so there's ice, the treads on my boots are shot (and I can't afford to replace them), and I get banged up from falling on concrete. 

I have a chiropractor and physical therapist, and they each said even before this that they could see me every day and still have something to work on with me. It's affirming, at least, to hear that professionals can physically feel how in pain my body is and that it's not just me being a baby. Part of it, I'm sure, is that I have PTSD (including from the traumas of my various pandemic experiences) and have horrible nightmares every night where I jerk around a lot in my sleep. I wake up every day feeling like I got hit by a bus, which is also partially why I don't get places on time. 

On my own time, I'll spend 2 hours trying to get out of bed both overcoming the pain to move and convincing myself to get the willpower to. It's so much easier to just lie there and accept it, especially when I don't look forward to having to do another day. I don't feel rested because I spent the night working my body and brain, so I'm not sure I ever am rested. I need so much more sleep now, too, with fibromyalgia. This adds to my stress of outpacing my bills and just keeping up with the maintenance of myself and my apartment because that's less time I have to get things done.

I have 4 alarms (phone vibrating plus noise, an earthquake pillow one, my Fitbit vibrating on my wrist, and a Pavlok going all out screaming, vibrating, and shocking me with electricity), and it's still possible for me to sleep through all of them or somehow turn them off while half-asleep and go back to sleep. There are also times where I will be like, “Okay, getting up now,” and then I black out and it's 4 hours later and I missed 3 appointments that will take weeks to reschedule, if the clinic hasn't dropped me for the tardiness and absence. I'm running out of clinics to go to.

On a mental level, I am in a near-constant state of overwhelm that holds me inches from a full-blown, all-day breakdown at any given moment. Something about being so stressed with no relief for years on end has rewired my brain, I think, to make the adrenaline pathway so reinforced and the stress part of the brain overlit/overactive. I don't know how to relax. Doctors keep telling me I need to, especially with fibromyalgia, but I physically cannot seem to do it. I can't focus on anything like movies. Nothing is fun when I have always-present and terrorizing (by threatening my survival) pressure from all these stressors (mainly money. I'm in a constant race against my monthly bills, and each month, they creep closer and closer to outpacing me). I'm never happy to wake up and I'm always low-key scared. I'm desperate for security in any form.

I was so unable to do tasks after my suicidal breakdown that even though my psychiatrist, therapist, and general physician were begging me to apply for disability. I had hoped I just needed a few months of R&R and would be right back to being willing and able to work. That never happened, and it was extremely difficult for me to accept the fact that I was disabled. When I finally did, I begged for months for people to help me fill out all the forms (they were overwhelming me, which is, y'know, kind of a key feature of my disability) and no one did, so I lost months of time there. I eventually just had a moment of conviction or indignation or something that I was able to force myself to do them. I'm still kind of mad at everyone who didn't help.

My therapist actually did her best to help and, when the outpatient hospital ousted me because insurance refused to pay for it anymore, referred me to the county's CCS (Community Care Something-or-other) program. They gave me a worker who allegedly had some psychology- or human services-related degree who would help me function for 1 hour a week. I think the whole program is a farce and despite spending hours on this program, we accomplished absolutely nothing.

The first CCS worker I had was supposed to come over to my place (which had become a mess. I was a messy person before, as my apartment was a graveyard of unfinished projects due to my ADHD), but with my extended burnout, I wasn't cleaning and organizing on the level I used to. So I texted my CCS person a warning that my kitchen table was cluttered. I mean it to mean, “It will take me a minute to clear the table once you get here for your laptop for you to finish the unreasonably long entry paperwork on me, and I haven't gotten the energy to declutter it yet and won't until you get here because my ADHD needs a body double right now. She, for reasons I still don't understand, canceled the visit and never came. When I confronted her about what I meant, she was like…embarrassed to the point of not being willing to work with me anymore. There was a communication breakdown that I couldn't get her to communicate with me and she was somehow scared of how much and how articulated or something I communicated that she shut down. 

I understand I “overcommunicate” from the perspective of allistics and neurotypicals [I had a bad childhood and was invalidated and wrongly blamed for things a lot, so I give as much explanation as possible to avoid any misunderstanding and articulate to the point that there won't be any ambiguities and thus can't be twisted into reason to punish me when I've done nothing to earn punishment. My caretakers as a child had their own mental issues that led them to being unreliable/unsafe to me and didn't offer me any feelings of security in relationships, perspective of reality (them taking their anger out on me and telling me everything, including their personal problems, was my fault), and ultimately everyone seems to say they want transparency and communication, but from my experiences and perspective, they don't want that. I have no idea what they really want. I give the level of communication I would want someone to give me and hope that they will just discard the parts they don't need/want, and apparently that's me being a burden or something and a “bad” quality. 

Meanwhile, I WISH people would communicate and be transparent with me more. I think I am an understanding person who has done enough work on themselves to not repeat toxic patterns and be a healthy relationship to others. I don't listen to judge but to understand so I can work with the other person to fix any problems and work with what we got, not devalue them and distance myself or abandon them. Everyone on dating apps says they want this, but I've yet to meet someone who does. I think it's that people see this as an ideal but are unskilled at the time to play their role in the situation–both in offering and responding. I think I've put so many years of therapy and introspection into working on myself that others just haven't, so we're simply on different levels. I know I'm not alone in my experiences, but it's very isolating when you don't meet people who have done the same work.

Anyway, I got assigned a new CCS worker and she did not do all that work I described. When I was told I would be assigned to someone else, I specifically asked for one who has seen some shit and that nothing I do or say will move them. They did at least give me someone older with more experience, but she either over- or under-estimated me (I can't discern which). She, working in the same building as my therapist and being basically in at least a good bit of communication with her when I wasn't around, knew that I had a lot of crap going on that I needed more therapy/support/help unraveling and making sense of and peace with than the 45 min/week I got with my current therapist. So she offered to be like a second therapist and said I could tell her absolutely anything.

As the pattern of this narrative likely already cues, it turned out I could not tell her absolutely anything. I was a few months into my transition and no one prepares you for some of the changes. My endocrinologist had only told me, “You might go bald.” I thought my years of research and consulting with transmen in my life had encompassed all I needed to know. However, we sometimes do not know what we don't know and thus don't think to ask the questions we need to ask. As probably an autistic/abused person trait of mine, I speak very clinically and technically. At the time, I had recently been speaking with my therapist about anatomical changes that triggered emotions I was not prepared for. I attempted the same sort of conversation with my new CCS worker, but she yelled me for being inappropriate. Not just scolded but legit yelled, as if I wasn't a full grown adult capable of reason and discussion.

I was confused on what I did wrong, since I thought I was just taking her up on what she willingly offered. I am also a firm believer in the Mister Rogers quote about how anything that is mentionable is manageable (which goes back to why I don't listen to judge but rather to collaborate and also why I see disagreements as us vs. the problem rather than me vs. them. I do not feel the need to yell at someone unless it's like an emergency of some sort and there's a threat that yelling can somehow address and be beneficial to the situation). 

From my perspective, I was being shut down and punished/shamed for asking for help with a problem that legit scared me and that I was willing to be vulnerable enough to share. I consider that sort of thing sacred and not something that can be trusted in everyone's hands. But the way she responded, to me, reinforced that I was a person unworthy of help: a message received from my childhood caretakers and all the people who were supposedly there to help me during my pandemic crises. 

I couldn't bring myself to trust her anymore or even want to see her again. I'll admit that's a bit of my Emotional Dysregulation Disorder weighing in, but I didn't want her in any intimate spaces I'd need to let her into in order to serve me in her CCS capacity. I had had too many things go wrong lately in that time to not shut myself down to prevent more hurt by simply refusing any future opportunity for more hurt to occur. I was well beyond my limit and it took much convincing from my therapist for me to even give CCS a chance to help me.

Still, I asked to be reassigned to another CCS worker, this time knowing that I could not trust what they claim to offer and just keep the things we work on surface-level functioning--like cleaning my oven or going through the pile of mail I hadn't opened in weeks because their potential contents paralyzed me with fear.

I was denied my request and let go from the program as they felt I had burned through 2 workers and thus proven that I am not a good candidate for the program. I still don't agree with this and argued, but after weeks of (a reasonable number of) periodic emails and voicemails, I never got an email or call back. In hindsight, I maybe should have reported to the county what happened, but it's been like a year.

That mostly brings us back to the present. I have been back in FSET since Spring but just focusing on staying afloat with Uber/working on whatever I can handle. I had a whole researched and designed pitch asking them to fund the several hundred dollars it would be for me to become a mobile notary, but they denied my request as they lack the funds. They also denied my request for new boots for the Uber hazards because they felt it was a fashion thing and not a need. Agencies, or honestly anyone with any power over me, not understanding me even with my articulate, crystal-clear explanations isn't surprising to me anymore. And counterintuitively, more explanation (even from different approaches) does not help and just makes me think I'm weird, which somehow is taken as more cause to not grant whatever request it is I am making in the first place.

So I Uber, I argue with doctors and agencies to try to get my needs met, and I have breakdowns despite my efforts to not. I have always had a massive list of more sculptures I want to make. I do want to get to a point where I can make them someday. I've been waiting on disability for an answer for nearly a year and done all I can to bolster my case with getting doctor testimonies, giving my testimony, noting clinic visits so the person assigned to my case can view the findings of them, getting an ADRC contact to guide me (though looking back, she didn't help at all and it was me searching out and discovering everything on my own while all she did was forward what documentation I had to the state for me)... All I can do is try to survive until they say “yes,” but they usually say “no” first (which is why an alarming number of people file bankruptcy and/or die waiting for a disability decision), especially since mental health reasons are the hardest ones to get approved, and my ADRC contact has been using language such as, “This will make it easier for next time,” and I'm not prepared to hear her tell me she thinks we'll have to file another claim and wait another year, so I don't ask 

I feel terrible that I've not been sculpting or posting. I miss engaging the Tumblr community and sharing my art with people who appreciate it (and not tell me it's garbage. Wtf, Grandma). 

The fact that I couldn't actually bring myself to commit suicide and still don't even though the extremely-difficult-to-survive--particularly with multiple debilitating ailments--and high cost I incur daily to myself trying to keep my head above water as long as I can, tells me that there is a life better than this that I want to live. I can't fathom for myself anything other than what is current, and I am putting all my chips into believing that I could be wrong and there's a chance all my striving will eventually meet stable ground to rest upon, where I can return to myself and make art again. I hate to think this wreck is who I really am and want to believe this is just who I am under a stupid-amount of pressure that no human should ever have to endure. A lot of people have been quick to point out all the resources, but I guarantee I've pursued all of them hard and received some help but not nearly enough. It's hard to wrestle with the feelings of not being enough to live or not being worthy of living because it's such a struggle for me to throw enough money at bills/expenses to allow me to live. It shouldn't cost someone all of themselves to try (and imminently fail) to earn the allowance to live.

Things like the ACP and student loan freeze (I owe $80,000+ because college is an overpromising, commercialized thing that is more gamble than guarantee) are ending soon (or maybe have ended and I just haven't opened my mail to know), and I'm deathly afraid. Uber isn't enough and on down-times with them and when my various ailments aren't being debilitating, I work on selling things to try to make enough for the month. Obviously I'm eventually going to run out of things to sell. 

I'm also fearful that my estimated disability check, if I get one, is only going to be $900/month, because I didn't get enough work experience to be allowed more. I genuinely don't know that that's going to be enough, especially since the price of everything like rent is inflating. I don't know how long I can financially sustain my means of survival. But I'm still doing everything I can. It's jarring to go from decorated Valedictorian to…whatever exhausted mess this is. 

My parents stopped asking me months ago how things are going because they know it's never good. They don't have the means to help me as my mom got laid off of work, my dad has dementia and doesn't work, and if I have to live with them again, I would essentially be signing off on my own death certificate because even spending a few hours in that home, with those people, is enough to completely drain me, trigger so much PTSD, grind my mental health down even more with whatever new dynamics and energies they decide to inject in our interactions. I wasn't free to fight the battles I needed to until I moved out into my own private space, and since it is the cheapest option in the entire city and so necessary of a component to my mental health, my therapist identified keeping my apartment as my number one priority. With my mental health, I wouldn't do well at all or be able to get back on my feet if I was homeless.

This turned into a lot more than I intended, but I'm really satisfied that it explains my situation and makes it known that you can do everything right and still lose. The system will cannibalize you if you don't have money to start with and don't have the means to keep it coming. Poverty charges interest and there are no days off, especially if you're disabled. There are no real safetynets and the ones that exist are overwhelmed, underfunded, underpowered, and essentially only serve to make the ones who don't need them feel satisfied (and aren't outraged and pushing for changes) being sold the lie that those who need help have it available to them. Having an inside view of what the experience is, I am apalled at how little systemic support or consideration there is for the disabled, especially since it is the largest minority group that anyone can join at any time.

Some days suck worse than others, like when the weather is so bad that I cannot Uber or when my pain or mental state has been aggravated and I haven't made enough time for self-care so it has decided for me when self-care must be attended to. I wish I could give myself the self-care my mind and body need so I can be healthier, more resilient to setbacks, and feel less pain, but honestly some nights I don't even go to bed because there isn't enough time/I can't afford to not be working or selling things. Society likes to frame self-care as a luxury and only recently (since covid attacked everyone's mental health) did self-care start to be widely accepted as a need. It's just too bad all that rhetoric amounted to is awareness without action. Capitalism still demands and glorifies the nonstop grind, even if it kills us.

Obviously some days are better than others and it feels incredible when I feel a genuine smile spread across my face. I wish it wasn't so foreign of a feeling, but the fact that it is makes it more impactful. I try to give my attention to hope, even if I have no practical basis to believe it exists. 

Receiving this ask did ultimately bring a smile to my face because it means I'm still cared for in a world that kicks me to the ground daily and says I don't deserve care. It is so hard for me to even care about myself a lot of the time, with all the negative messages I've internalized from my dominatingly high ratio of experiences that are rejection or failure in some form. Ultimately, we all just want to be loved. Thank you so much for reminding me that pain isn't all there is for me (it's easy to get sucked into that mindset after years of nearly everything gutting me. I often fail to even notice myself falling into it and being consumed by it). 

I know I don't owe anyone an explanation for my absence and that no one is mad at me or blaming me for it that I would need to provide some sort of justification. But I wanted to communicate with you all because I love you. I genuinely mean that. 

I still think about this from time to time and I still want come back to making and sharing sculptures and just having fun hearing all the things you have to say about them and how delighting, inspiring, or entertaining you find them. I consider the ability to do that and this Tumblr page to be one of my greatest things I've made. I don't care about money and despise that money dictates virtually every aspect of my life in the worst way. Community, creativity, and self-improvement motivated by joy/love rather than profit/fear are of infinitely more value to me. I'm still pursuing that dynamic in the end through all of this.

By no means is anyone obligated to donate to me, but if you can afford to and want to, I'll post my payment platform things below (some may still have my birth name attached). Any amount helps and Lord knows I dove for a penny on the ground last week.

If you can't donate but still want to help, reblogging can help no matter how little reach you feel your blog has, and I also would appreciate words of encouragement or support. I also just want you to know that if you've been reading this far, I really appreciate that you care enough about me to do that.

All of my love,

Stan 

(They/Them)

PayPal:

@Stanwagner09

Venmo:

@asclw7643

Zelle:

Stan.wagner09@gmail.com

[lustnluv]

devil night - angel and john b

present

angel

there was a loud annoying ringing in my ear as I woke up.grabbing my phone I realized that the noise was me missing a call from nico. along with him I missed a call from andrew and mrs routledge.

why was everyone calling me so early? they couldn’t be that concerned for me already? it hasn’t even been a full day yet. that would be fucking ridiculous.

that was before I realized that time it was.

ten forty. I was supposed to meet with my advisor ten minutes ago.

I jumped out of bed and quickly head to the bathroom, noting that I didn’t have time to take a shower. I did my best to freshen up and think of what kept me up late last night. rage.

after john b made that comment and treated me like dirt again, I threw my own version of a tantrum and painted and painted until I tired myself out so much that I basically crawled to bed.

red. the color of christmas, the dress of my mom’s favorite dress growing up, and the color of the flames from the matches. i always loved that color.

I even hung up the blade even though deep down it was a warning. especially after getting chased last night. it could be from all of the horseman or only one.

there were in outer banks. or at least I thought so.

grabbing my bag, I rushed out the house and headed downstairs. hoping and praying i can convince my advisor to squeeze me in.

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walking out of the bookstore, i finally took a deep breath and got to admire the beauty of the city i was living in.

i got everything i needed to get done today. meeting with my advisor, declaring my major, and getting books for new classes that i needed.

now i can just relax and walk.

the city like outer banks had its dark secrets. but unlike outer banks the secrets weren’t buried by glamour and lies and secrets. they were out in the open.

the city also held secrets. in the dark alleyways you wouldn’t dare go into, in the shadows that turn the green grass grey as you walk down the street, and the huge buildings that make you wonder goes behind the walls.

it’s what i loved about visiting here when i was younger. why i was so drawn here in the first place.

my phone ranged in my picked and I quickly picked up, noting that the number was unlisted but I figured who it already was. i gotten used to weird numbers over the summer because of it.

“hey andrew.” i answered, hoping that he wasn’t still mad at me for what happened at the party.

“angel. how’s the city treating you?”

he’s being nice. asking about my well being.

that was always a good sign.

“not too bad.” i started throwing my stuff in the trash and continued to tell him about my classes and how excited i was for school.

before we dated, we were bestfriends and always had these type of conversations. I hoped he wouldn’t expect anything more.

“that’s good. i was nervous that you wouldn’t like it.” more like hoping but I kept that thought to myself.

“how can I not like it especially with what your parents set up for me.” i teased, smiling to myself.

“what did my parents set up?” he questioned and i laughed. i was naive sometimes i can admit that but I wasn’t stupid.

“me living in doise. a penthouse was a bit excessive but still I appreciate it. maybe they thought we needed the room when you come to visit. if you come to visit.” I explained, rolling my eyes at the setup he was still trying to play.

“you’re living in doise? since when did you know about this?” he asked, his voice carrying a edge to it.

“well since your mother sent me the link. i told you that I was looking for places in the city to live. you could’ve told me you guys had a place instead of tricking me.” even though I wanted to completely on my own and not taken care of, i couldn’t tell andrew that. it would just make him even angrier.

“move out of there. I didn’t tell you about it for a reason.” he barked his order and usually I would follow but not today. it was my turn to be happy.

sure I was tricked into this situation but I could live with it. I could still make friends and I could sure as hell live wherever I wanted to. i didn’t live to please him anymore.

“no.” I said and the phone went silent before I heard him repeating back to me. “no?”

“no I can live wherever I damn want to. it’s almost the beginning of the semester so I have classes to start and outside our fucking bubble wrap things don’t happen with the snap of our fingers. i’m not gonna break my lease and be homeless to please you.” I snapped and felt a little guilty afterwards.

I shouldn’t because it was about time he for used to the new place in my life. we dated and it didn’t work and I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.

“angel. you do as I say. you have enough money to stay in a hotel while you look for another space. don’t be so stupid.” he growled and usually I would’ve definitely not have pushed back.

“no. are you listening to yourself right now?”

why does he still have to so controlling? we tried to date and I wasn’t happy. if he really cared for me, he would’ve let me do this on my own. that’s what a decent bestfriend or ex boyfriend would do.

he interrupted my thinking with chuckling and I froze in my steps. a mother gave me a look as she swerved her stroller to avoid me.

“of course you don’t want to leave. still begging for my brother’s attention even though he treats you like shit huh?” he phrased it as a question but spoke it like it was the truth.

“you’re delusional.” I gritted out and he laughed again. “i’m not but you keep thinking that. it’ll do me a whole lot of good when you come running back after they’re done with you.”

“what are you talking about when they’re done with me?” taking a deep breath, I changed tactics. “listen I know you’re upset but I got to do what’s best for me.”

“god I can’t wait for them to finish. you’re gonna wish you never left me.” and with that he hung up.

what the-?

he was losing it. i knew he was mad at me for ending the relationship. i took full responsibility for it but this?

accusing me of trying to hook up with john b?

he was just mad that I kept not doing what he wanted. first the breakup. then me wanting to move to somewhere that I knew it would be the only place he didn’t want to go to, that he would never follow. and now refusing to do what he wanted again.

the fucking audacity.

pulling up google, I looked up some fencing clubs. I had to get all of this anger out of my body somehow.

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“hi I’m here about your fencing club.” I told the man at the entrance of bell-lincoln’s. it was the only place that had a fencing club and even though it screamed white older man supremacy I needed something to do.

“um.” he started and kept looking at me like I was someone who had two heads.

“if there’s no room, then can you tell me when the bouting nights are.” still no response, still the same look. “I’ll even pay a membership if I have to.” I said and started to dig through my bag.

“angel?” a familiar voice called from behind me and I turned to face john b. he was wearing a tight black compression shirt. grey sweatpants.

“you fence?” I asked and he looked at just like the guy.

“no. you know that. what are you doing here?”

“to join their fencing club.” i said with a big smile and he shook his head.

“it’s not a fencing club.” he said and i looked at him confused, looking back at my phone. “but it said it was on google.”

“well google.” he said in a mocking tone, waving the front desk man away. “was wrong. this is actually a gentleman’s club.”

“like strip club?” I asked slowly to make sure we was on the same page. he shook his head and used a tone like he was talking to a child. “no more like a facility for only men to be in.”

“well that’s just useless. a lot of places before were just for men.” i stated and he sucked his teeth before answering. “yet no one complains when women decide that they need their own space. even get whole nights to themselves at clubs.”

he had a point but still. it sucks that the one thing I wanted to do I had to be excluded from.

“yeah.”

“can you go home?”

“come on. do you know any fencing clubs around for me?”

“no. do you need a ride home?”

I shook my head and looked around one more time. seeing what I loved not being available to me.

“no. I’ll walk.” I said and looked around when I saw a hat lying around. “but first-.”

“angel.” he warned but I was already running away, hat going on my head. there was a door down the hallway and I went to it. climbing the stairs.

“angel!” I heard him yell but I was already on the second story, opening the door.

I darted around the hallway, keeping my head down knowing that my figure won’t do good enough to hide who I’m really am.

i ran into a room when i saw john b’s face peek out a corner.

it was red and when he spotted me, he staggered to mouth something before the door closed blocking our view of each other.

he couldn’t be that mad at me. he likes my curiosity all those years ago. deep inside, he must’ve liked it now.

the room I was in was full of lockers. i weaved in between them, a smile on my face.

i hoped john b remembered that night. that night we showed each other who we both really are. before all the bad.

i waited as two men walked out the door and then entered it as i heard john b’s footsteps looking for me and his voice apologizing to others. using the excuse that he was looking for a friend of his.

giggling, I ran in the door and found myself in another locker room but this one also had showers.

I snuck around the lockers, going deeper hoping that John b would go to another room so i can look around for a place to hide until I can sneak out.

I wanted to see the training facilities for fencing at least even if I couldn’t be here.

hiding behind another column, I heard a voice calling out to someone else. “mr cameron you can’t smoke in here.”

“fuck off.”

it can’t be.

but when I peeked out, I saw that it was. rafe cameron chest bare, a towel wrapped around his waist as water dropped down his chest. a cigarette between his teeth as he took a puff before taking it out and blowing the smoke out. making it look like fog around him.

I was happy that I wasn’t close enough to smell it. it took me three showers to get that smell off at me that night.

but another part was fearful.

he was out.

I wasn’t imagining anything.

a hand grabbed me and pinned me against the locker. 

I know who it was but I couldn’t care less. even though when I started this chase I wanted this to happen.

he glared down at me and covered my mouth as he spoke. “what the hell was that angel? why the fuck do you insist on disobeying me?”

I pushed him away and glared at him. “why didn’t you tell me that rafe was out?”

“why do you care?”

why do i care?

for one, i was with them the last night his friends was free. even later that night.

i’m not sure that john b knew that though.

and two. the blade. the figures in my driveway.

i was in danger.

I couldn’t say that though. so I went the safe route.

“because I thought it would a bigger deal. you know the town still worship you guys.” even though the boys were convicted felons. they gossiped over the charges but then the town went to missing them.

“they wanted to adjust to life.”

that made sense. leaving me a blade didn’t.

“you still should’ve told me. it would’ve been nice to know.” I said and he shook his head. “they wanted privacy that’s their right.”

“still-.” he shook his head. “can you stop being stubborn? not everything revolves around you. this isn’t outer banks. not everyone is gonna take your feelings into consideration.”

“I didn’t say that.”

he rolled his eyes. “you didn’t have to. god angel. you’re not wanted here. it’s none of your business if my friends our out or not. mind your business okay? if I wanted you around and in my space I’ll invite you alright?”

tears started swelling up in my eyes as the words digged their way into my skin.

“do you understand? god a kid can listen better then you. let me make it clear. you. are. not. wanted.”

“I understand.” I snapped the frustration taking over for a bit but the hurt took over soon enough. “you don’t have to be so..so.”

“so what?” he pressed and I looked up at him. his eyes were hard. he never looked at me like that before.

“so mean.”

“angel.” he started but I wouldn’t even give him the chance. I ran back up where I came from. I kept my head down trying my hardest not to cry.

I bumped into someone on the stairs and they put their hands on my waist. “watch where you goi-. angel?”

jj. way more muscular from the last time I saw him. but still the same jj. they really are all here.

I backed out his grip immediately and ran down the stairs. I had to get away from there as fast and as soon as possible.

but my running was unnecessary. john b caught up to me when I got outside and yelled at the doorman. “get my car!”

I tried to run but he grabbed my bag and threw it in his car and then opened the door for me. if I didn’t have my birth certificate in the bag, I would’ve walked. should’ve walked.

I plant my ass in the seat and as soon as John b got away from my door, I scurried to grab my bag and leave but my plan failed as soon as I felt his hand on my waist, pulling me and pinning me down.

“why are you being so stubborn?”

“if I’m so stubborn let me walk then.”

“so you can cry to my mom and I get in trouble! no.”

“i wasn’t going to call your mom.” just mine.

his voice got even more irradiated. “yeah sure. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind when she calls yelling at me. let me take you home so you can do it faster.” he said rolling his eyes and I kept quiet.

“it’s pathetic how you follow me around do you realize that?”

I have and that’s why I stopped. that night three years ago I stopped bothering him. I gave in to what everyone expected me to do and I never been unhappier on my life.

“what do you see in me anyway?”

what i saw in him? he would’ve be serious.

it was the same thing he saw in me. the same thing i saw on myself. the need to escape. the urge to live before I died. to jump without looking and not care where I fell. to be fucking free for once in my life.

but i couldn’t tell him that. i kept my head down instead.

“nothing. i’m just a stupid kid and I’m sorry for wasting your time.” i heard my voice cracked and I hoped he had the decency to pretend he didn’t.

“angel.”

i shook my head at him. “I’m sorry for running off. i’ll stop bothering you. I’ll walk home.” i said before getting out his car and jogging away. the rain mixing with my tears.

[bonesandthebees]

ive been both really busy and also not? hahah but ive been good!! i've been mostly working. today was crazy actually, someone walked into the vet with a bearded lizard?? that they found ?? at the local park?? someone had just abandoned their lizard there ig which was really sad but im glad someone found it and was able to help it!! also the person who found it was a vet tech themselves who used to have bearded lizards so that's good hahahah they were v prepared

our doctor unfortunately doesn't take any exotics so we had to send them to a diff vet but it was cool to see the lizard, he was very sweet and friendly EUEUUEUE

but yeah other than work? mostly just been writing which has been super nice. this is the first year im properly tackling whumptober!! normally i just. pick and choose my fav prompts LMAOO but this year im actually writing for each prompt every day and i've done all 7 days so far!! im super proud of myself rahshshs

i went to my first social dance a couple weekends ago!! that was super funn

i cannot remember if i told you, but i started doing west coast swing lessons!!! since i took a gap year of school while waiting to apply for the vet tech program, i was like "welp i need some sort of hobby that gets me out of the house" so i didnt stew in bad mental health n stuff and i decided to try dance! i'd seen vids of it on my youtube shorts a lot and it always looked so... freeing. and i thought doing something that involved physical activity would be a good idea too since exercise is good for mental health!!

and woww i love it way more than i was expecting HAHHAHASDKFJJK it's so so fun and it really does feel like flying (when you do it with an experienced lead lol, so not always but the times where it's happened i cherish v much <3) and the people?? are all so nice???? like wow i was a bit nervous when i first started but everyone is so welcoming and understanding and super fun to talk to and it's a very accepting environment of queer ppl and i just RAHSHS ITS SOOO LOVELY BEE OH MY GOSHH

but yeah!! so ive been doing that sinceee march but i had yet to go to an actual dance, i'd only done lessons bc i was really nervous lol but also bc its on the weekends and thats when i go visit my mom so its hard to find time. but i finally decided to go no matter what last time (which yeah. almost canceled bc i ended up having two other meetups that day?? it was busy) and im really glad i went it was super fun.

just hoping i can convince one of my friends to go with me one day lol

oh no I'm so sad that someone abandoned their beardie :((( thank god someone found it though and wanted to make sure it was okay. so many people would just leave it so that little guy got lucky with that at least. I love bearded dragons, one of my teachers in high school had one she named Mushu and she would let him just run around the room during class sometimes. he was adorable.

ooooo I hope you're having fun with whumptober!!! you're stronger than me I've never attempted to do all the prompts for something like that. I struggle so much already with keeping things short and I also don't do great with prompts but I admire everyone who can dedicate themselves to that. it's such good writing practice as well

oh that class sounds lovely. tbh it really shows you have a LOT of self awareness to recognize that not only do you need something to get you out of the house, but taking the steps to sign up for a class with physical activity for your mental health. that's really great and you're going to thank yourself later for putting yourself out there like that. and that sounds so much fun!!! manifesting you get one of your friends to join you one day

(also this reminds me I really need to get back in the habit of going to my yoga and other exercise classes. I fell out of it after I got back from my europe trip this summer so I need to get my ass in gear again)

[skyfall8600]

Day 4: Talent Show

12 Days of Christmas With Eddie Masterlist

Eddie Munson Masterlist

[1.1k words]

Hawkins high paraded themselves on school spirit. Finding any excuse to showcase their students; bake sales, prep rallies, art shows, talent shows… and the holiday season was no exception.

Originally, Eddie was prohibited from performing. The school was too afraid that it would be a repeat of his 9th grade rock performance; but Eddie had something different in mind. It took him three weeks to convince Principal Higgins to even let him sign up, and even stated that during his performance he had no issues with pulling the plug on his guitar.

“So, still on for pizza tonight?” You said, cheerily sitting down next to Eddie.

“It’s the Christmas talent show!” He said, small crumbs of his chips falling out the corner of his mouth.

You rolled your eyes, “And? No one we like is performing so I thought we weren’t going.”

Eddie had a surprise for you, which technically meant that you didn’t know he was set to perform. The plan was simple, avoid talking about the show and he’d be in the clear. He just never counted for the fact that it might be a challenge convincing you to sit in the crowd.

“Yeah but uh— it’ll be fun to see, bring some popcorn and we can laugh about their bad attempts at singing.” He said rather fast, trying to play it cool.

“Hmm,” you purred, “with marshmallows?”

He saluted you with two fingers, “Only the best, scouts honor.”

You laughed, “I thought you got kicked out of the scouts in third grade?”

Hushing you, he covered your mouth with his hand. His eyes darting around the room like his cover had just been blown.

“Sh! You’re not supposed to repeat that to another soul.” He continued, but you were giggling under his hand. He was nervous holding you that close; even more nervous that you seemed unphased by it.

The two of you had been friends for years now, through thick and thin. It was only natural that he found you attractive, you were pretty and kind and funny…. Yet you always treated him like the rest of the group. Friends and nothing more. With the freshman kids coming this year, Eddie couldn’t remember the last time the two of you hung out, alone.

It was Gareth’s idea for Eddie to serenade his feelings in a performance; purely because Gareth wanted to prove to his mom that the ‘Band’ could play more than just heavy metal songs. To begin with Eddie thought it was stupid, but the more he started to consider possible songs…. The more perfect the idea became.

And finally the time had come, the day of the show. And you somehow wanted nothing to do with it.

You licked at Eddie’s palm that still pressed against your mouth to shut you up; you half expected him to scream like a little girl, but seeing how quickly his cheeks went red after your actions made you want to die from embarrassment.

“I promise.” You mumbled into his hand.

He nodded, trying his best to not draw his attention to the slightly wet patch still lingering on his palm. “I might be a bit late, so just save me a seat.”

“You got it, but if I don’t have my popcorn and marshmallows there’ll be hell to pay.”

The encounter at lunch played on Eddie’s mind for the rest of the day. Suiting up in his red knock-off Santa outfit and guitar in hand, he couldn’t stop picturing your face.

“Chill,” Gareth said, “it’s one song, and she’s seen us perform before.”

“Yeah, plus we are so rocking these costumes.” Jeff said, scratching at the little elf hat atop his head. “Lead the way Satan Santa, we’re up next.”

You were too furious in the crowd, picking away at the nail polish on your fingers. You didn’t even want to attend the show, only doing it for Eddie. And he had the courage to be over 45 minutes late. You were angry and embarrassed, sitting alone beside the seat you told everyone who passed “oh this is saved.”

Humiliatingly, you sunk low in your seat and tried to avoid eye contact with everyone. Making a mental note that the next time you laid your eyes on Eddie, you’d skin him alive, with or without marshmallows in his hands.

There was a tapping against the microphone and the whole crowd shrieked.

“Up next we have, ‘I can Dream About You’ performed by …..” the presenter sighs, “Bad Santa and his devious elves.”

You perked up at the song title, a personal favorite of yours ever since watching Streets of Fire. Lifting your eyes to view the stage, suddenly the empty space next to you made sense. It was easy to tell exactly who ‘Bad Santa’ was, his red Santa pants and top paired up with black leather. And that hair, it was unmistakable.

His fingers strumming away to the delicate chords, his eyes covered behind his matching black sunglasses with the rest of the guys. You stared in amazement and surprise.

“No more timing,

Each tear that falls from my eyes

I’m not hiding the remedy

To cure this old heart of mine….”

You had never seen Eddie sing so softly, hell… you didn’t even know the boys knew how to play anything besides Metallica. You’d be lying if you didn’t admit that hearing Eddie sing this song did something to you. It was hard to see where his eyes were focused on, but the small soft smiles on all of their faces didn’t match their costumes at all. On stage they looked mean and slightly weird in their alternative Santa and Elves costumes, but their little faces proved just how harmless they were.

“I can dream about you

If I can’t hold you tonight

I can dream about your

You know how to hold me just right….”

You were speechless. Some part of you wanted there to be a secret meaning behind the song choice, you knew that Eddie was well aware of how much you loved this song. You had made him watch the movie over and over again all summer, singing along to song over song. But you refused to assume anything, friends or not, Eddie was always one for big gestures. And you’d gladly accept them in any form, for now you just enjoyed the show.

At the final line, you cheered along with the crowd. Eddie lifted the sunglasses up, scanning the many faces to find one in particular. And when his eyes landed on you, face beaming bright and screaming for him, it was the last bit of confidence he needed. Tonight after the show, he’d hug you tighter than ever before and confess exactly how he feels, of course not before apologizing for lying with your favourite marshmallows.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

Eddie Taglist

@silky-luxe @fentyreligion @littlelunarfox @coconutchumby @eempxth @superflannel @fluffycookies22 @yearwalker96 @cutiecusp @magicalchocolatecheesecake @grungegrrrl l l​@m1rkw00dpr1ncess @dixontardis @buckyslwt @bratckerman @dani-d0rk @musicmoviestv @tomshelbystits @reddisteddie @ungracefularchimedes @santaatemypuppy @cherryrevenger @chipster-21 @azaleaforsure @eddielives1986 @luceneraium @loving-and-dreaming

[whiterosechrista]

Introduction

So. I'm realizing (with the vent time post kerfuffle) that it'd probably be a good idea for me to give people a basic understanding of who I am and where I come from, so that they can reference it if any of my posts come off odd/offensive/etc. out of context.

Basic Facts

I'm 24 years old, Caucasian, American, biologically female, comfortable with she/her and they/them pronouns. I'm an introvert who doesn't get out often, but I'm not some basement-dwelling Neckbeard-equivalent. I have a strong sense of empathy, which leads me to want to play mediator often (though thankfully I'm aware of my limits and don't act on every want). My likes include anime, storytelling, art, history, SCP, Kpop, science, outer space, and mac n' cheese (among other things). My dislikes include racism, ablism, homophobia, transphobia, and basically anything else involving unreasonable hate.

History

I grew up as effectively a single child, moving back and forth between houses because my parents were already separated, though not officially divorced. They both loved me, and tried their best to raise me well, but (for reasons I'll touch on later) I definitely bonded more with my mom than my dad. There was one house that at least one of them always lived in consistently, so I think of it as my childhood home.

I was a fairly happy child, I think, though there were some issues with bullying that I can't remember clearly anymore, and it did affect me, though maybe not as much as the school itself; I used to love to draw/paint, and I stopped after I got into school because art class convinced me I wasn't doing it "right."

The teachers (some, at least) didn't like that I learned differently than other kids (e.g. making connections between concepts in Math and English at age ~8), and so made me take one of those "morality tests"; multiple-choice questionnaires about moral decisions like returning a lost wallet (which, btw, I left blank because they hadn't given me enough info about the situation; they decided that meant there was something wrong with me).

(Ironically, this was a Montessori school, which are supposed to be less rigid about teaching styles than standard schools.)

So I transferred to a different Montessori school at age ~10, which had a system where kids would sign their name on their class sheet when they came in, and didn't like that I stopped to say hi to kids in other classes first (for reference, my class was on the second floor, the other kids' were on the ground floor).

Thus, for either this or some other reason, they recommended I go to therapy. My mom, thinking "well, she might have reason to need it", agreed. I spent a while there before the therapist said "this is the most well-adjusted child I've ever seen, please leave so I can tend to people who actually need me."

After about a year of this school, Mom asked if I'd like to try homeschooling, and that's what I've been doing ever since (though technically what we did was unschooling, which is a bit different).

It was after I started homeschooling that I started writing, got really into anime to the point of learning Japanese by watching it, and made my best friends to date.

I've done things like ballet, gymnastics, parkour, circus arts, piano, roller derby, and sang/played at Girls' Rock Camp/Club Boston (though I think the name's changed to be more gender-inclusive). I don't do much of this stuff anymore, though I might get back into it at some point.

Pre-Covid, I was taking drawing classes and Japanese classes (mostly for reading it, since anime didn't teach me that), and back in 2022, I got officially certified to teach English as a second language (though I've yet to find a job, unfortunately).

I'm currently living in an apartment with my mom, sitting around with a sprained back, hoping that it'll heal in time for my best friend to take me on a Duck Boat tour in Boston on June 2nd, and blogging for the first time in my life.

I hope this has helped. It feels like an info-dump, but apparently I can't make anything concise, so here we are.

Feel free to ask/comment/dm me for more details about anything (or just to chat). I might not be comfortable with sharing some things, but most things I should be fine with. Just be respectful about it and we should be good. :)

Edit; just realized I didn't touch on why I bonded more with my mom than my dad. The short version is that mom is open-minded, gentle (though she can definitely be stern), and always asks what I want before doing something, and my dad sort of doesn't always "get it." For instance; the moment I turned 16, he started badgering me about getting my driver's license, even though I barely went anywhere that wasn't in walking distance and anywhere I didn't could be accessed by either public transport or someone else driving me. He also wanted me to do SAT prep and similar things, got stuck in the "Alternative Medicine" rabbithole and somehow still manages to be surprised that my mom won't make me try it without my consent (for reference, this was after I sprained my back; it's not the first time he's wanted me to try Alt Meds and definitely not the first time my mom's refused). So, yeah. He's not a bad guy, and he definitely tries, he's just a bit too stuck in his own world sometimes.

[snippychicke]

For the Sake of a Smile | Ch. Eighteen

Fandom: Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun

Pairing: Balam Shichiro/Reader

Summary: Hell on earth was your motto for your job. Granted, you were pretty sure earth really was hell, considering the shit you had seen. And the fact your coworker was a child. Suzuki Iruma, in fact. A kid who’s life was decidedly worse than yours, but smiled despite everything.

And you’d do a lot for his smile. Including summoning a demon and signing your life away.

But as it turns out, hell (The Netherworld, actually) was a lot better than living on earth. Demons were more humane than a lot of humans you knew.

And Iruma’s smile wasn’t the only one that would change your life.

Masterlist | Ao3| mairimashitai! Simps Discord

Before we get to Chapter Eighteen, I want to thank @mac-kd8 who was kind enough to offer to draw Reader-Chan for me! Granted, their artwork (here!!!) is my own interpretation of how the reader looks. But I will continue to be as vague as possible so don't worry if you have your own interpretation.

The artwork is absolutely gorgeous and I am highly indebted to them for that! And I am super excited for their own fanart and maybe upcoming oc/Balam fanfic??? (pwease?)

Anyways, on to chapter 18!

It was late in the evening, with everyone retired to their rooms for the night. Kitten was happily curled up in your lap as you read Shichiro's gift to you (for probably the hundredth time - though each time you swore you loved it more) when suddenly his head perked up; his little nose twitching in the air. Before you could react, the kitten jumped from your lap and dashed out the room and down the hall. 

You quickly followed him, surprised by his behavior. Yes, he usually developed 'the zoomies' in the evenings, but nothing like this. The way he was darting down the carpeted hallway - body low to the ground - made you think he was stalking something. 

Something that was apparently in Iruma’s bedroom. Kitten was able to slip silent through the partially-opened door before you could catch him. You had just barely reached the door when you heard a scream from inside.

No. Two screams - only one which you recognized. Startled, you slammed the door open before freezing. A dark - as in an unnatural black as a shadow - person(?) was in bed with Iruma, sitting unusually close to the boy.

You barely noticed Kitten clutching to the shadow-person with his claws and teeth. Not when a feral snarl spread across your lips before you launched yourself at the person. You used every tactic Opera taught you as you tore at them, your maternal instincts in a rage at this bastard who dared to be in your son's bed. Iruma was a child, and whomever - whatever - this thing was, it was not one of his many friends.

Yet it felt like punching an overly soft pillow, or even a cloud. You could feel your fists make contact but yet there was no substance to crack your knuckles against. 

"Mom! Mom, stop!" Iruma's voice broke through your rage as your boy wrapped his arms around your body, trying to restrain you. 

"What the fuck?!" You snarled, at whom you weren't sure. The creature you had pinned beneath you, or your son trying to defend the bastard. "Who the fuck are you? What is he doing in your bed? What the hell is going on!" 

"Ma'am, I'd be happy to answer your questions if you get your cat off me." The being spoke, acting more bothered by Kitten's continued attempts at gnawing his hand than your own assault. 

"Give me one good reason why I should," You shot back, hand still gripping his… top? It looked like a coat label but felt like unearthly fog between your fingers. Like any moment it would slip away through your fingers.

"Ali's my friend - my partner," Iruma answered. "It's okay, I promise." 

"Fucking devibullshit!" You snapped at without thinking, part of you hurt that he would lie to you. Or maybe that this asshole had convinced him of such a thing. "You would've introduced him if that was the case!"

"Well, to be fair, until now no one but Iruma could really see me," Ali tried to defend, earning your harsh glare. Instead of being intimidated,  he tilted his head towards Kitten. "Please, the cat?" 

You hesitated, your mind trying to advise you to give the one-eyed creature a chance to explain, while your heart continued to demand that you rip him to shreds.

Except - you hadn't really been ripping him to shreds, or even ruffling his suit. Against your better judgment, you gripped the kitten by the scruff and pulled him off Ali, causing the kitten to whine as if you stole him away from his favorite toy. You shifted into a sitting position while holding Kitten in your lap. "Now. Either you tell me what's going on, or I will release Kitten again." 

-----

About an hour later, your mind was still trying to comprehend what was going on. 

Apparently, Iruma's magic Gluttonous Ring was haunted by Ali - or rather - Alikred. Who had been helping Iruma from the literal shadows since before you even arrived in the Netherworld; he only seemed to grow in strength and sentience as Iruma himself grew stronger. 

Some part of you felt distrustful of the being (spirit? demon? Something else?), but you weren't sure if it was intuition or just paranoia and suspicion of a magical being that was closely linked to Iruma, which was causing your mother-hen instinct to balk. 

One thing was sure; Kitten was determined to attack Ali. During the whole conversation, he squirmed and yowled more than he ever had before, confusing you until you recalled Shichiro stating something about his kind eating lost spirits in the wild. 

Ali seemed very cautious of Kitten in return, his one eye drifting to the ball of fluff in your arms with suspicion evident. So no matter what, you did have a weapon against him should your fears become reality.

"Do you understand now, mom?" Iruma spoke softly once he finished his story, his big blue eyes pleading like a puppy's. "Ali is harmless."

"Ow," Ali muttered quietly with a pout despite not having much in the way of facial features. You weren't sure how that worked. "Iruma my boy, do you really need to call me harmless?" 

You glared at Ali. Iruma was your boy. And if Ali wanted to continue to be Iruma's 'partner', he'd better be harmless. 

You turned back to Iruma, your expression softening. It was hard to remember how strong and independent the young teen was despite his soft appearance. He was so used to facing the world by himself; not asking for help. 

Which was probably why he never mentioned this before. 

But - he did know danger and avoided it like the plague, so… you could trust him on this…. 

Right? 

"I'm always going to worry about you," You said after a moment, reaching forward to cup his face tenderly. "That's just a part of who I am. But I will trust you about this, because I know you're so strong and responsible. But I want you to know, to feel, that you can talk to me about anything. Please, don't feel like you have to carry these burdens by yourself."  

Iruma's own worried expression softened, tears forming in his eyes as he nodded. "Of course, mom. And I will, I promise."

----

"Are spirits that possess objects anything to worry about?" 

Kalego held up Kitten by the scruff. Who - for the hundredth time that week - had wandered off and went to attack Ali. Or as everyone else saw it - play with Iruma. "Did you not hear what I said? You need to control your cat."

"Are you not a teacher?" You replied back without explanation as you crossed your arms. To be fair, you had tried to keep Kitten from stalking Ali - but it seemed that instinct to hunt spirits was stronger than anything else you tempted him with.

You had planned to speak with Balam about it, but seeing as Kalego was right here, and he was quite intelligent as well plus didn't get off on tangents as Balam was known to do. 

"Are you not a librarian surrounded by one of the largest collections of books in the Netherworld?" Kalego shot back, unamused. "Besides, it's common knowledge that spirits who possess objects are rarely a danger for a demon beyond aleph…" He trailed off after a moment, realization lighting his dark eyes. "Except - you're considered rankless, aren't you?" 

"Which does not mean I'm powerless," You quickly defended, realizing the possible unintended consequence of your inquiry. "But… you're right. I can do my own studying." 

Besides, he had answered your main concern; sort of. You didn't care about Ali's danger to you, you just cared if he was a danger to Iruma. And yes, while Iruma wasn't exactly a demon, he was strong…

Thanks to his ring; which was possessed. Oof, this would require more research. It probably wasn't a question you were going to get a simple answer for either.

 You recalled creating a section for magical artifacts, and tried to remember any books on possessed items of power. 

"And this?" Kalego interrupted your train of thoughts as he held the kitten out for you to take.

"... He's a work in progress," You admitted as you struggled with Kitten as he fought against your hold until you gripped his scruff firmly like a mother cat would. Even then, you knew he would take off as soon as you set him down. You hated the idea of locking him up in a room, but honestly couldn't think of any other options at this point. 

"If you can't control him, then he shouldn't be allowed at Babyls," Kalego rebuked as he crossed his arms, his typical disapproving scowl gracing his face. "What kind of example are you setting by allowing him to run wild in the halls?" 

You huffed, sufficiently chaisened as you held Kitten closer. "I told you, I'm working on it. So, unless you have any pointers or tips, you can go let me continue my work in relative peace."

A smile spread across Kalego's face. Not a pleasant kind smile that you would never expect from him anyways, but the sinister smile that the Misfits often spoke about. The one that promised pain and misery. "Actually…" 

In a blink, an electric-like crackle filled the air as Cerberion appeared. Both you and Kitten flinched, feeling the magic and fierce nature of the beast bear down on you. "He's not that different from a familiar. Rankless or not, I'm sure you can control the fuzzball with my… guidance." 

----

Cats and dogs were two very different things on earth, so you had assumed feline and canine creatures of the Netherworld were just as different. After all, there were a lot of parallels between Earth and the Netherworld that you and Shichiro enjoyed having long discussions about. And while there was an undeniable vast difference between the two, there was a growing list of similarities as well.

But while Shichiro knew creatures inside and out - along with some of their social behaviors - Kalego was the expert when it came to asserting dominance and creating a bond.

Though for Kitten, Kalego asserted that the best way for a bond to be forged was for him to understand the fact that you were safe. As long as he stayed near you, Cerberion left him alone.

Simple, in theory. Except it meant that in practice Cerbrion would randomly appear out of thin air with a thunderous growl whenever Kitten tried to test his boundaries, spooking not only Kitten, but yourself and whomever else happened to be in the Library at the time.

Thankfully, for you and the rest of Babyls’ population that was tiring of one heart attack after another, Kitten was a fast learner. The next step was teaching Kitten how to accept guidance - which was tricker. 

Usually, familiars reacted to their summoner's mana more than physical or verbal commands. But considering your 'unique' situation, that was nigh impossible. 

You eventually reached out not just to those you felt most comfortable with (Kalego, Shichiro, Opera, and Sullivan) but to the other Babyls staff. Furcas was especially interested in the challenge, tearing through the library in an uncharacteristic whirlwind, leaving you scrambling to put it back in order.

But with her help, you were able to create a sigil that both looked and acted somewhat like a summoning seal. Soon you had it traced upon the back of your hand, using it to focus your mana as well as communicate your intents to Kitten. 

"Now the little fluff won't be disrupting my classes," Kalego stated with a very vague hint of approval in his voice as he watched Kitten fetch the small stuffed toy. You were still amazed that a feline was behaving more or less like a well trained dog. "I also suggest you stop telling students he isn't a familiar." 

"But he isn't," You defended as you took the toy mouse from Kitten, scritching between his ears as well as sending mana to the sigil as a form of praise. 

"That may be. But it's drawing attention and raising questions that I doubt you want." 

His words made you pause. Kalego had dropped hints that he knew something was up, but he didn't care to dig deeper into the truth. It still sent a shiver of fear whenever he implied he knew about your origins. "I don't like lying," You answered slowly.

Kalego huffed and crossed his arms. "Lying and allowing people to believe what they assume to be true are two seperate things. Especially when it could possibly put you in danger. Being unranked is unusual enough - alongside being unable to perform magic without the use of sigils. But having a creature following you around that is not a familiar will have others start to take notice." 

You still couldn't figure out how - or why - demons didn't quite have the concept of pets. Just like the lack of the term friendship. 

"As part of Babyls staff, you are considered one of ours," He continued. "But too many flags will still raise suspicion." 

"... I suppose you're right," You sighed. 

"Of course I am," He snorted, sounding offended yet a glance showed a small smirk on his face. "You may be surrounded by books, but it's obvious you still need education on the finer aspects of our culture." 

You paused again, shooting him a suspicious look. How much did he actually know? Did he know the truth, or was he just referring to the backstory of you and Iruma coming from a different region of the Netherworld? 

He caught your gaze - and the expression behind it - and raised a brow, challenging you. Part of you wanted to take the bait. To just bluntly ask how much did he know. Yet you knew you shouldn't in case he didn't know anything and he was either baiting you to spill the truth, or it was all a misunderstanding on your part. 

So instead, you forced a smile as you teased. "Aw, Kalego, I knew you really do like me, deep down." 

There was a brief look of surprise on his face before he scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. I only do this because you are a part of Babyls staff as well as the fact you are Shichiro"s Intended." 

"Mmm, no. This is more than that. We're friends now, aren't we?"  

"There's that ridiculous term your son and his classmates are spreading through the campus…" 

"It's not ridiculous. It's very important for people of all ages to have friends. You're just going to have to deal with the fact that I see you as one of my friends. And there is nothing you can do about it." 

He grumbled as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Devi. I will never understand why Shichiro decided to choose you." 

------ short-----

Balam enjoyed spending time with Iruma; especially after Poro's insinuation of being the boy's father. It wasn't true, of course. 

But… he could be fatherly towards the boy and pretend at times. And Iruma seemed to love the attention as Balam carefully clutched the boy's feet with his own, allowing him to stretch out his back while they talked. It was something he remembered his father doing when he was smaller, and was happy to do the same with Iruma. Granted, his father had done it partially to help him strengthen his then-new wings, which Iruma didn't exactly possess. But the human seemed content to just hang upside down for fun. 

Shichiro felt bold enough to share the story of how he received his scar with Iruma - glossing over the worst part of the memory - as well as the fact that you reminded him a lot of that mother bird in a way. How protective you were of your 'chicks', ready to take on whoever or whatever threatened them without regard for your safety. 

That moment had changed his life, given him a new passion. Just as you had changed his life once more, giving it a whole new aspect. Romance, love, maybe even a family of his own.  

The last part he didn't share, though it was certainly on his mind. Brought up to the forefront after Poro's words, and fueled by his time with Iruma. 

Shichiro wondered what the boy would think of the situation. After all, demons didn't always get along with their half siblings when those types of situations occurred. But humans were so much more accepting, caring for those outside their family as proven by Walter Park. 

Would Iruma's compassion extend to your possible future children? Would he look upon them as siblings, or more like cousins? Or maybe rival for your love and affection as some demon children were prone to do when new children were born into the family... 

(He tried to keep his thoughts from straying to those of you carrying his children, or how wonderful of a mother you would be - which was rather difficult. But Iruma deserved his undivided attention, so he would give it to him) 

"When is your birthday?" Balam asked Iruma after a while, gently lowering the boy to his chest after his face started to turn pink from being upside down too long. Shichiro thoughtlessly ran his hand through Iruma's wild blue hair as he thought

 Did humans even celebrate their birth - their life - like demons did? After all, their world wasn't as dangerous as the Netherworld. More human babes probably survived to adulthood than their demonic counterparts, so perhaps they didn't revere and cherish life as they did. 

 It was also one topic he had yet to discuss with you; not when there were far more fascinating topics to talk about. 

Iruma smiled. "October fourth!"

Balam beamed, caught up in the prospect of learning something new. "What do humans do to celebrate birthdays?" 

"Well, most have parties where all their friends and family bring presents," He started, his smile faltering slightly. "But, well, before it was just mom and I, since neither of us really had friends or any other family." Just as quickly as it faded, Iruma's smile returned fondly as he recalled the birthdays he had shared with you. There had only been a few, but they meant so much to him. 

He couldn't remember any time his biological parents even acknowledged the day, after all. 

"Mom would make as much food as we could eat, including sweets while we played games all day. Or one time, we went to town to see a movie and even bought popcorn at the theater, and then went and got ice cream afterwards. Then, at the end of the day, we'd give each other our gifts. Things got kind of crazy this year with coming to the Netherworld, so I guess we both kind of forgot." 

The last sentence made Shichiro pause as he recalled the date. Oh. 

It was October twenty-fifth. 

Had you truly forgotten Iruma's birthday?