#we were the only ones who stayed after sunday school to ask questions :>

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

Cute Guy Spotted Sitting Alone At Church

Is he single or was his girlfriend out of town? Our sources suggest, nothing ventured nothing gained. More on this story next week.

[schemmentigfs]

Future Milf, part one.

paring: melissa schemmenti x fem reader.

summary: what was supposed to be a normal monday morning at Abbott, ends up being a chaotic one after you lend Melissa one especific t-shirt.

warnings: sexual themes? The rest is just pure crack.

author notes: I got this idea after listening to M.I.L.F $ by Fergie? Anyways, it's finally here, I'm must say that I'm pretty proud of this one. Stay tuned for part two! And yes, I watched heartstrooper and thought the drum scene was cute, so I added here.

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

When you arrived at Abbott in that morning, one curious feeling of both happiness and anxiety coursed through your body. And even though you found it completely strange, you decided to ignore it.

“Good morning, Y/n!” Janine said waving to you in the hallway. “How was your weekend?”

You smiled noticing her presence, as much as everyone else always said that Janine's way of acting was a bit annoying. The other teachers had to addmit that she was a good person who was always willing to help when needed.

“Morning!” you replied, unlocking the door to your classroom, ready to start another day at school. “It was good! On Saturday, I went to my parents to visit them for a family dinner. And on Sunday I spent the afternoon at Melissa's place.” You let out a passionate sigh remembering the day in the company of your favorite redhead.

It was a lovely afternoon, you cooked together, talked about different things and at the end, you watched a movie together, with Mel's hands gently stroking your hair while you were lying on her lap. “Hon, you are so cute,” she whispered softly, leaving her famous bravado aside, and showing her sweet and loving side instead.

To be honest, you loved these moments with the older woman, it made you feel protected, relaxed and loved. Something you hadn't felt in a long time. Melissa Schemmenti was your safe place. That same tough second grade teacher who took almost three months to have a friendly conversation with you was now one of your best friends. Yeah, fate was something that was really fucking powerful.

After listening to your last words, Janine let a huge smile escape her lips, before she started to celebrate. “I knew it! I knew it!” The youngest said, jumping up and down excitedly.

“Knew what?” you questioned with a confused expression.

“It was a date, wasn't it?” she asked with hope in her eyes.

“No!”

“Wait what? I thought you and Melissa were dating. Guess I was wrong. Again.” The second grade teacher revealed, completely disappointed looking at you.

After seeing your friend's reaction, you widen your eyes in shock. Was she really serious?

“Janine, why did you think we were dating?”

“It’s kind of obvious, she calls you by cute Italian nicknames, brings you coffee every morning. Share her lunch with you, let you hug her, and she always laughs at your jokes! You two are practically married in the eyes of everyone who works here at Abbott!” She talked non-stop.

Janine could only be out of her mind, a relationship between you and Melissa was impossible to happen. You were co-workers for god's sake, and also the redhead was known for being completely closed off when it came to relationships. Since her divorce with Joe was a traumatic experience.

Deep down, you were completely in love with Melissa. But tried to suppresses your feelings, knowing it would never be reciprocated. After all, what would a beautiful woman like her want with someone like you?

It was painful, but you couldn't do anything about it.

Turning your head to the sides to make sure there was no one else in the hallway, you started talking. “What I have with Melissa is just a normal friendship between two women. Something platonic and not romantic! Okay?”

“But—” she insisted.

“Let's just forget about this.” You sighed and Janine finally gave up, nodding and giving you a sad smile saying goodbye and returning to her classroom.

“You can’t keep lying to yourself.” Mr Johnson’s voice caught your attention.

“Huh?”

“You like Melissa, and you know that,” the janitor says as he sweeps the floor, eliminating any sign of dirt. “You may not have noticed yet, but she likes you too. Act while you have the chance, otherwise you will regret it if she finds someone else.” He said, before leaving.

Now alone in the hallway, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, thinking about his words and Janine's. Were they right? No. They were insane.

“Why did everyone suddenly decide to give their opinion on my love life?” You grumbled, looking at the watch on your wrist. There were twenty minutes until the kids arrived, so you decided to stop by the staff room for some coffee and also to refresh your mind.

—

When you entered the teachers' lounge, you saw a curious scene. Jacob was completely nervous while Melissa was furious. Gregory and Barbara were there watching everything and trying to calm her down but without success.

“JACOB!” the redhead shouted angrily pointing to her pink sweater and looking at the young boy with a deadly glare. “LOOK WHAT YOU DID!”

“I'm sorry! It wasn't my intention, I ended up getting distracted and—” the history teacher stuttered nervously.

“JUST—” She almost started to argue again but stopped when she felt Barb's gaze and yours on her. “be more careful next time, we don’t want any accidents like this happening again,”

Jacob nodded, apologizing once more, returning to sit on the small sofa, next to Gregory. Focusing on the news that played on Channel 6.

“Dear, are you okay?” Barb asked worriedly, putting a hand on her best friend's shoulder.

“Yeah, the only problem is that I don’t have any spare clothes to wear.” Melissa responds.

Seeing the older woman's frustration, you decided to quickly help her, knowing that she was starting to get uncomfortable with her favorite sweater's situation.

“Don't worry, I can lend you one. I always keep one in case something like this happens.” You replied with a small smile.

Melissa sighed in relief, it was as if a miracle had fallen from the earth when she needed it most.

“Thanks, Stellina. You are an angel.”

You blush at the nickname she gives you. Maybe Janine wasn't so wrong. Just maybe.

“Let’s go.” you pulled her by the arm heading to your classroom.

—

You guided Melissa to sit in one of the chairs and closed the door, heading towards your drawer looking for the shirt. It took a long time to find it, as everything was slightly messed up. The redhead rolled her eyes, pretending to be impatient.

“Apparently it looks like youse need to learn how organize your things better.” The older woman mocks you.

“Shut up, Schemmenti. I’m trying to help ya,” after a lot of effort, you finally found it, “here, it’s a little wrinkled but I think it should be fine for you to use for the rest of the day,”

Melissa let out a soft smile, taking the shirt you handed her. “Thanks again for helping me. I appreciate this.”

“No problem, I’ll always give you a hand whenever you need it,” you replied with a shrug.

In the three years that you had known each other, She had done so many things for you. So it was only fair that you pay her back, right?

“Uh, I’ll turn around now so you can have more privacy to change,” you said and she nodded, giving you a thumbs up.

You turned around, facing the classroom door, letting out a muffled laugh when she mumbled, “Thank God I won't have soup on my body anymore.”

Everything was going normally, until you heard something else that made your heartbeat increase with each passing second.

“Future Milf, hm?” Melissa said inspecting the shirt, reading the print with a confused expression. “It’s probably a term that those of you who are young use. I liked it.”

Hearing that made you freeze, it was as if the whole world had stopped at that moment. It couldn't be. No. It could only be a completely ridiculous nightmare or dream of yours. She was a natural joker, always picking on you with some prank or something else. She was joking, right?

Fuck, had you really given her that shirt by accident? Oh shit, you were so screwed. The only good thing about this situation was that she didn't know what the word milf meant.

If she knew, you'd probably be dead by now.

Melissa snapped her fingers, a sign that you could turn around again. The action brought you back to reality, but you were too embarrassed to look at your friend in the eyes again.

“What do you think?” she asked, adjusting the t-shirt on her body, waiting for your answer anxiously. Melissa wouldn't never admit it, but your opinion was something very important to her.

You kept quiet, nervous about what had just happened. It felt like a nightmare, for some reason. After school, you would probably go to the supermarket to buy a giant bottle of wine to drink while watching some horrible Netflix TV show trying to forget all of this.

When you focused your gaze on her figure, your mouth opened into a big 'o'. She looked stunning, with her signature black leather pants, boots and well.. that t-shirt had made Melissa look so hot, that you couldn't look at anything else in the room. It definitely suited her.

“Y/n? What do you think?” She repeats.

“You look amazing, Lissa,” you say playing with the rings in your fingers. A common habit that occurred when anxiety took over.

Melissa, who was always perceptive, studied you carefully. “Hon, are you alright?” she asked with a bit of concern in her tone.

“Yeah, I'm fine, just was thinking about...” you stop trying to think of an excuse to explain why you were distracted, “a funny thing Janine told me earlier, that's it.”

“What would it be?” She asks.

“I—It's a very stupid thing, I mean you know how she is,” you let out a nervous laugh, “I think you better ask her at lunch, Mel.”

The redhead raises her eyebrows, a little suspicious. Just as Melissa was about to speak, the voices of the children in the hallway interrupted her, making you two realize how much time had passed.

“Oh! Our students.”

“Yeah, they arrived,” Melissa says, “Well, I think I have to go now, your little devils will be here at any moment. See ya at lunch?”

“Of course, and Mel?”

“What, hon?”

“You look beautiful.” It accidentally slips out of your mouth, leaving you pale and afraid of her reaction. Of course, you had already said that Melissa was beautiful several times, but this time something different was in the air.

You didn't notice the way her cheeks flushed.

“Thanks gorgeous,” the eldest grins and wink at you. Was she flirting?

When Melissa was no longer there, you covered your face with your hands to stifle a scream that threatened to escape your throat. What was supposed to be a calm Monday, turned into a chaotic one due to a slight mistake of yours.

—

Ava was passing in the hallway when she saw Melissa walking calmly to her classroom. The principal's eyes widened when she saw the redhead wearing a t-shirt with the words “Future Milf” printed on it.

“Why the hell is she wearing that? That's not something Schemmenti would wear. Especially at school grounds.” she whispered to herself.

By coincidence, Gregory was also in the hallway and was surprised by her pulling him by his coat.

“Huh?” the man said, confused. “Ava? What are you doing?”

“Relax handsome, I just need you to answer something,” she said, looking at him,“do you know why Melissa is wearing that thing? the woman pointed to the teacher.

“Y/n lent it to her after Jacob accidentally spilled food on her sweater earlier,” he explained. “Why?”

“Did you saw the damn print on it?” Ava asked, rolling her eyes and Gregory shook his head with a puzzled expression.

“Then wait and see at lunchtime. I'm telling ya, this is going to be more fun than any episode of The Kardashians!” she laughed looking towards one of the cameras.

—

Meanwhile, you tried to focus on teaching your students. But it was practically impossible. Every time you closed your eyes or tried to explain something. Your mind thought of Melissa wearing the damn shirt.

“Ms. Y/n? Are you feeling alright?” Leah, one of your students asked, snapping you out of your trance.

“Yes, sweetheart. Don't need to worry about me.” you replied with a calm voice. She smiled and returned to pay attention to her activity.

The hours passed quickly after that, much to your dismay. It was good on the one hand: in a while you would be home soon. But the bad thing was that you would have to lunch next to Melissa Ann Schemmenti wearing that fucking milf shirt of yours.

You thought of some solutions to avoid her presence, but gave up. Knowing it wasn't fair to do so. Defeated, you went to the staff room.

—

Barbara was looking for the redhead you wanted to avoid at that moment. The eldest knocked on Melissa's classroom door, waiting to be welcomed by the teacher herself or her aide, Ashely. But that didn't happen.

Determined, she decided to enter anyway, raising her brows when she saw a curious scene.

Her best friend was pacing the room while mumbling something. “Y/n, do you want to go on a date with me? We could go to a restaurant and—” Melissa said to herself, “No, too formal that doesn’t suit me. And I would prefer a date at home, where we could...”

The brunette now leaning against the wall let out a soft chuckle that scared the redhead.

“Jesus Christ!” Melissa gasped with her hand on her chest. The kindergarten teacher rolled her eyes, “Barb, you scared me to death.”

“Haven’t you asked her out yet?” her friend got straight to the point, “Oh Lord, you've already been faster than that. Tell me sweetheart, what's stopping you?”

The green-eyed woman looked away, feeling a little embarrassed, “I'm just scared. Y/n is only in her twenties, she has her whole life ahead of her and I'm already at a certain age. What will she want with me?”

Barb saw how her voice immediately sounded small and trembling, falling in love was a delicate thing in Melissa Schemmenti's life, her marriage was a totally traumatic experience. And after that, she completely closed herself off, thinking that being in a relationship wasn't something for her. That she simply didn't deserve to be loved.

But that started to change when you arrived in her life. It took Melissa a while to figure out the many confusing feelings she had for you. After several sleepless nights, questioning the butterflies in her stomach that always appeared when you were around, she understood that it was love.

But this realization scared her.

“I know it may seem scary but you have to try. Besides, don't you realize? That girl is crazy about you, just like you are about her,” Barb says trying to calm her, “Believe me, this time you will discover that love doesn't hurt.”

Her words made the redhead remember the moment she realized she was in love with you.

[...]

It was New Year's Eve and Melissa was speeding the night at your house. That same afternoon, she had attended lunch with her family and as much as she loved how festive the other Schemmentis were, but it seemed like something was missing from that environment, and that was you. And this feeling of longing made her run to your place immediately.

Now she was in your bedroom trying to practice on your drum kit, while you were laying down on an improvised pillow fort that both of you built together a couple of days ago. Honestly, playing the drums wasn't something Melissa knew how to do, so she played in a completely clumsy way without being able to find a certain rhythm.

“Schemmenti, you're so fucking terrible at this,” you joked. “It's so easy to learn.”

Pretending to be irritated by your words, the redhead reached for a pillow and threw it in your direction. Prepared to start a pillow fight if challenged.

“Hey!” you grumbled, raising your hands in the air in redemption. “Mel, I’m kidding!”

“Then show me instead of standing there, idiot.”

You slowly approached, sitting next to her on the small bench. “Alright, let me teach you a little.”

You held Melissa's hands in yours, first teaching her how to properly hold the drumsticks. “Hold them tight. And don’t let them slip out of your hands,” you whispered. “Good job, Mel,” you praised her, feeling her hold the drumsticks tighter. She blushed hearing that.

While you were extremely focused, showing her how to play the instrument. Her green eyes watched you with love and adoration, at that moment, she realized how lucky she was to have you by her side.

Her gaze fell to your lips and Melissa wondered if they were as soft as they appeared to be. She also wondered what it would be like to wake up every day next to you, with her arms wrapped around your small waist and with her placing small kisses into your hair. Or what it would be like to kiss and touch your whole body listening to your soft coos while she showed how much she loved you.

She bites her lips with all of those images in her mind.

After hearing the sounds of fireworks, you turn away from the older woman and open your bedroom window and climb up to a small outcropping of the roof. While Melissa watches you curiously, still sitting in front of the drums. "What are you doing? I wouldn’t want you to have an accident in the middle of the New Year.”

“I’m not going to have an accident,” you rolled your eyes, “I just want to see the fireworks!”

Melissa shook her head, finding your excitement adorable, deciding to join you. Carefully sitting by your side, she rested her head on your shoulder and closed her eyes, wanting to enjoy this moment with you forever.

“You know...I kind of missed you at my family's lunch today,” the redhead admitted in a shy tone, feeling her cheeks burn.

That was a surprise for both of you, since you knew that she wasn't very used to physical touches or showing her vulnerable side.

Noticing her nervousness, you said something that made Melissa feel more relaxed again,“I missed you too. Staying with you is so much more fun than being here alone.”

She hummed and snuggled into you even more, making a smile escape your lips. The two of you enjoyed the comfortable silence that settled in. Wishing more good moments like this would happen.

Returning from her memory, Melissa stood up and ignored Barbara's malicious look and headed towards the door ready to go to lunch.

—

You were already in the teachers' lounge, and every time you heard a step, you felt your heart stop. The plan to try to avoid Melissa was still going through your head, but neither option was good, suddenly an idea came.

You threw yourself on the floor and quickly crawled to a table near the windows, hiding under it, the cameras filmed your movements and your friends' confused reactions.

“Y/N! What are you doing?” Janine asks.

“Nothing,” you grumbled, praying to eat in peace, “I'm just having lunch, like a normal person does.”

“You are literally eating under the table. That’s definitely not something you would do and everyone knows that. And it's kind of weird.” Gregory notes.

You were surprised by Ava, who ran in. Not wanting to miss anything she knew was going to happen. The principal loved an entertainment and the whole school knew. “I don’t think Melissa would mind if you said you consider her a milf. She would probably love it, saying it's hot and all of that shit,” she shrugged.

“What?” Jacob questioned.

“AVA!” you scolded her, “You aren't helping! And by the way, how do you know about this?”

“Girl, I know everything. And I must say, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.”

“What’s going on?” Janine alternates her gaze between the two of you.

You explained everything in detail to all of them who to be honest found it all a bit comical, but seeing the way you were nervous made them take it back.

After hearing Melissa and Barbara's voices, you got scared and shrank even more under the table. Hoping they wouldn't notice you. But that didn't happen. When the redhead entered, all attention quickly went straight to her. The cameras zoomed in on what she was using and everyone was shocked.

“What are you looking at?” She growls in a threatening tone and the teachers return to focusing on their activities, afraid of her. You laughed, that was so Melissa. And that's what ruined the chance to avoid her.

“Dear? What are you doing under the table?” Barbara asks.

“I was just seeing if...the tables were in a good condition! That's it, actually, I have to go now,” you walk towards the door, but a firm hand on your wrist stops you.

“Where are you going? I thought we agreed to have lunch together,” Melissa spoke.

“It’s not a good idea for us to do that,” you pull away from her touch. Waiting for her to give in, but something unexpected happened.

She took the lunch bag from your hands, standing on her tiptoes so as not to let you reach and looking straight into your eyes.

“Give me that back now!” You complain and she shakes her head.

“Tell me, what’s really going on? Why can you barely look at me?” she whispers that last part.

“It doesn't matter.” You respond, feeling your blood rise and your breathing slowly fail.

“Can you stop acting like a child and act like an adult, for once?” She retorts, making you roll your eyes.

“FUCK YOU MELISSA,” you yelled and everyone gasped. In years of working at Abbott, you had never raised your voice to anyone, especially the redhead, “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Melissa's eyes widened, surprised to see you facing her and saying that stuff. A feeling of pain settled in her body, but obviously she didn't show it.

Impatient and without thinking twice. You threw yourself at the older woman, who got scared, losing her balance. Because of this, both fell to the icy ground.

Melissa hit her back, letting out a groan of pain, seeing what you had caused, you quickly stood up, getting off of her.

“I’m sorry, Lissa. I’m so fucking stupid,” you tremble, feeling tears come out of your eyes.

Feeling overwhelmed, you ran out of the lounge, leaving a bewildered redhead.

“Y/N, PLEASE COME BACK HERE!” Melissa's voice echoed throughout the school, now she was going to worry about trying to fix what the hell had happened between you two. And it wouldn't be easy.

[seriesxwriting]

I can’t get you off my mind <3

- w Rafe Cameron

Series: outer banks

warnings: Swearing, kissing, female objectifying (by topper).

Summary: topper stirs the pot by lying about what rafe was doing at the party last night. Do you believe him or not?

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 <𝟑

“What are you doing later? Do you wanna stay?” I mumbled into his top. I was laying on his chest and we were wrapped up in my green flowery covers. His arm was around me resting on my hip, he was wearing a black T-shirt so I could see his muscles where the sleeves ended. My right hand was on his bicep. I liked just holding onto it. “You want me to stay already, I’ve only been round twice” he giggled making me look up at him. His blue eyes staring deep into mine.

“Not to do anything” I shoved his face jokingly “I just like your company- you ever had a girl say that to you before?” I raised my eyebrow when he looked back at me with his famous smirk. “Something similar, but I’ve never reciprocated that” he told me dragging his thumb across my jawline. “No? Never?” I smiled showing my teeth, his head bent down. “I’ve never liked anyone like I like you” he licked his lips before pressing them against mine hungrily.

Me and Rafe were in what the kids call today a ‘talking stage’. He claims to have these deep feelings for me and I know I have them for him. Who on figure eight didn’t have those feelings for Rafe Cameron. He was in the year above me and everyone in my year creamed over the sight of him, I know it was the same for the girls in his year and even probably some of the boys. But with the reputation of Rafe Cameron I asked him to keep us on the low down.

We’d only told our friends really and we never went to crowed public places together. I wanted to just share this with him right now, so I can build trust with him and see if there is any room for a relationship.

“So, are you staying?” I questioned pulling away from him and running a thumb across his lips. “As much as I’m tempted right now, I’ve already rsvp’ed to a party” he told me tucking my hair behind my ear. My stomach sank. The weather had been crap recently, it had been storm after storm after storm. There hadn’t been any party’s not since me and Rafe started talking. “I know, this is the first one huh” he raised his eyebrow as if he could read my mind. “Yeah” I answered smally. “I told you that I’m going to prove to you my reputation don’t apply to you”.

“I hope that’s the case” I smiled taking his hand in mine and playing with his fingers. I rolled over onto my back so I could look at the ceiling. “I promise you, no drugs, no hoes, just me, the boys and a few beers” “but what if they egg you on?” “Babe I have my own mind, you’re all that’s on it” he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back towards him. His arms wrapped around my torso and his head in the crease of my neck. “Okay Rafe” I kissed the top of his head. He kissed my neck and then my jaw in response.

We stayed wrapped up just talking for a couple of hours before Rafe left me with a long kiss to remember him by before he went to his party. I didn’t know who was hosting it, but the fact that I wasn’t invited meant it was probably one of rafes drug friends that hadn’t gone to school with us. His replies weren’t too bad at the beginning of the night. But around eleven ish he stopped replying to my texts. I gave it two hours before I rolled my eyes and went to sleep.

In the morning I woke up to rays of sunshine slipping through my blinds and onto my face. I rolled over after rubbing my eyes and snapped my charger out of my phone. Rafe had replied, and also added a good morning text on the end of it. I smiled to myself forgetting all the worry and negativity I was feeling last night. I answered him back before getting up to go and brush my teeth. He asked me what my plans were for the day and seems I never do anything on a Sunday I told him I was free. He invited me round his and seems the weather was nice, told me to bring my swimming costume.

I quickly showed and got myself all ready to go to rafes. He lived a five minute walk away so I chose to not take my car and soak up the sun as I made my way to his house. As I turned the corner topper was driving past me. He slowed down stopping next to me and looked me up and down. “Hey y/n, looking good these days” “you alright top?” I nodded at him gripping my bag tightly. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze. “Not too bad, just heading down to the beach to meet kelce, where you off to?”.

“Going round rafes, think we’re just going to chill by the pool” l shrugged looking around the street. “Oh? Didn’t realise you guys were still on tings” his eyebrows slammed up and this shocked look spread across his face. It looked so genuine. “Why’d you think that? Has he said something” “no- no he hasn’t said anything, just thought well- the things he was doing last night didn’t exactly scream happy in a relationship”. My heart sank. “What- what things top?” I questioned walking closer to his car.

“I don’t wanna mess anything up y/n- look maybe it was all just- an accident because he was high” topper but his hands up in defence. “but he told me he wasn’t going to do any drugs” my eye slimmed as my heart kept cracking. It was getting closer and closer to shattering. “Maybe I should just stop talking” “no topper- please tell me what happened” I begged with my eyes, they were probably glossy in the moment. “You wanna know more? Or I can take you back to mine and I can show you how a real man treats a girl like you” he shinned at me.

“You’re a pig” I stepped back scowling at him. “Let me know if you change your mind babe, I can be a rebound” he winked at me before pulling away from the curb and driving on. I watched as his car got smaller and smaller down the road. My eyes were fighting back the waves right now. My heart physically hurt. I turned back the way I’d come and went straight back home. I bravely walked past my parents but as soon as I reached my bed my eyes started leaking. I didn’t bother changing I just flopped onto my mattress and cried into it. My covers still smelt of Rafe. That made everything worse.

—————————four days later————————

I’d avoided Rafe for four days. He’d spammed my phone for the first two, the texts got less and less over the next two days. Probably because he came to my house and I got my father to turn him away. Nothings more scary than the dad of the girl you’ve hurt. I’d seen him around school but I dodge him and was able to hide anytime he saw me. I’d turn the other way, drive off as quickly as possible. Left no room for him to start conversation. I didn’t want to talk to him, look at him, fall for him again by him waving a wand and saying sorry.

I had to be strong. But it was day five now meaning we’d reached Friday. And this Friday was the film night. Me and my friends had been planning out the snacks and the chairs and the pillows and the blankets we were bringing for months now. There was no way I could get out of it. There was a possibility Rafe would be there, it wouldn’t be a hundred percent but there was a chance.

The car stopped in the car park and the girls got out with all our stuff, ready to find a space and set it all down. “Y/n do you wanna go get the drinks?” One of my friends asked with a big smile. I nodded feeling slightly hesitant. They wouldn’t let me use Rafe as an excuse, none of them were surprised when I told them what happened. It was kind of disheartening, I thought my friends would be way more supportive. I wondered towards the drinks table before hearing a “y/n! what’s up”. I turn around to see Rafe walking away from his boy group and towards me. He tried to do it calmly acting like he didn’t care in front of his friends “Rafe- um- not much” I turned from him giving him my back. But I could see the panic on his face.

He raced in front to catch me so I was looking at him “how are you, why are you avoiding me?” He questioned looking down at me. Our bodies were almost touching and he was leaning in close to my face whispering. I got goosebumps. “I should have known you were playing a game Rafe” I folded my arms creating space between us. “What are you talking about y/n, I can’t get you off my mind, what games” his hand flew up to his temple as if he was desperate. His eyes looked sad as he stared directly into mine. It wasn’t like that day he was at mine, they were desperate now not flirty. “Uh it’s such a shame Rafe- I really thought we had something” I shook my head stepping backwards.

“Top told me what happened at the party Rafe”. The words felt like I was being stabbed in the heart all over again. I wanted to melt into the floor. His eyes widened and his teeth gritted together. He really looked like he was going to give up and admit what he’d done. “The fuck you mean topper told you? Told you what?” Rafe shook his head pulling a face of disgust as if I didn’t know what I was talking about. I just laughed and began to walk off. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back staring into my eyes hard. “Y/n, I didn’t do anything at that party, I promise” “that’s not what he told me”. Rafe looked across at the boys before saying “Come on then” he interlocked our fingers and pulled me over to his group.

“Rafe- please no” I shook my head trying to pull back. “I’ve got you I promise” he rubbed my my hand. “Top, what is this about you telling y/n I was doing shit at the party, what type of shit?” Rafe question raising an eyebrow. All the boys turned to look at topper. He looked around before looking me up and down. I was wearing Jean shorts and a little lacy white top, his glare always felt so sexualising and uncomfortable. He started laughing as if he didn’t know what to say, his arms came out and then slapped his knees.

“Does anyone else remember me doing shit at the party?” He looked around the group and all the boys either shook their heads or shrugged. “So- why’d you stop replying to me?” I asked him in a small, innocent voice. “Around eleven?” Kelce asked me, I nodded my head a bit confused about how he knew. “Rafes phone died so he went to put it on charge in the kitchen, but we were outside”. I turned back to rafe and he was looking at me already, as if to say I told you so. I self consciously wrapped my arms around my waist. He saw this and took a step closer to me putting an arm on my shoulder blade.

Rafe then turned back to topper “what the hell did you say bro?” “I may have indicated that you did some drugs- and acted- un loyally” topper shrugged with a smirk on his face not caring at all that he’d caused massive problems between me and Rafe. “Why would you lie to me? I’ve never done wrong by you topper” I frowned furiously, wanting to know the why behind all this. “Same reason rafe’s with you, to get you into bed” he shrugged as if that wasn’t disgustingly downgrading, uncouth and disrespectful. I stood there horrified, my stomach twisted.

“Don’t fucking talk to her like that” Rafe made a massive step towards topper but the boys all jumped up and held him back. “Calm the fuck down Rafe, she’s just a girl” “she’s my fucking girl topper! You remember that!” rafe pointed at him angrily shouting and struggling against the boys. At this point lots of people were looking towards our little group. “You’re telling me you actually have feelings for her?” Topper threw his head back laughing.

“Yes! I fucking do! And you almost ruined it, your a selfish bastard- get the fuck out of here” Rafe pulled away from the boys backing up next to me again. “Rafe calm down- I didn’t think it was that deep” “it is” he replied, still pointing at him in furry. “Go home” Rafe ordered moving his hand now to the truck. Topper looked around for support from the other boys but he didn’t receive it. “Fine, god you’re so sensitive these days” topper rolled his eyes picking up his chair.

Rafe watched as he packed up his things and got into his car without looking back. “I can’t believe he’d make shit up because he wanted to sleep with your girl” kelce scoffed watching as the car drove away. “I promise you y/n nothing happened at that party, you have this guy wrapped around your finger, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you, you’re all he talks about, the way he smiles when you text him- I’ve never seen him like this” kelce relayed to me confidently, making Rafe stand there awkwardly rubbing his arm and turning bright red.

“Shall we go and talk?” I smiled genuinely brushing his arm with one finger, Rafe nodded his head and threw his arm around my shoulders like a scarf as we left. But before we did he gave a little head nod to his friend as a sign of respect to him. Me and Rafe went over to the side of the field where it was a little quieter. We sat down on a bench and I took his hand playing with his fingers. “I’m sorry I didn’t just- speak to you about it” I sighed talking in a small voice, I was embarrassed about how I handled the situation.

“Y/n I’m not mad at you, I’m not surprised you believe him I know I- have a reputation” rafe chewed on his lip, looking around. “But I’m done with all that, túnel visón now only, ya know” he nodded to make sure I agreed with him. “You really like me?” “There’s no words for how much I like you babe, but yeah let’s go with that” he smirked, I put my hand on his cheek and mirrored his smirk before leaning in to kiss him.

He kissed me like he thought he’d never have the chance to again. He kissed me like he had missed me and that I loved. I matched his energy feeling my insides grow butterfly’s and my cheeks get hot. “I really like you back Rafe” I whispered leaning my forehead against his. “So no more secrets? Let’s be official, that way you can come to the parties with me” he smirked rubbing my cheek with his rough thumb. I nodded excitedly throwing my arms around his neck hugging him.

“Gosh, the privilege of being your first girlfriend” I giggled. He squeezed me “first and last, babe”.

Rafe Cameron masterlist

Outer banks masterlist

All series masterlist

Masterlist of masterlists

[drewsbuzzcut]

All American Lace

nick moldenhauer x dallas blankenburg

a so it goes fic (7.3k words! def the longest i have ever written)

warnings: angst, insecurities, jealousy, slight physical touch, pettiness, mentions passing out, and I think that’s all but let me know if I missed anything

SUNDAY

“I really don’t think it’s all that crazy,” Nick states, his arm thrown over Dallas’ waist as they lay in his bed.

“Just because it’s crazy, doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s very crazy if we get married. We’re only 19,” Dallas says through a sleepy voice. They’ve been talking about Nick’s proposal from a month ago. Dallas knows her answer, yes of course, but she still can’t get herself to go through with it. She’s too ridden with fear of their relationship failing because of an early marriage. She just needs a push, though. One push so she can say yes.

“So what? Nathan and Haley got married while they were still in high school. I know our relationship is strong enough to last through anything,” he brings out the big guns, referencing one tree hill, one of their favorite shows to binge together.

“That’s just a show, babe. It isn’t real life.”

“It can be real life for us,” he sighs, hand caressing her cheek as her hand rubs at his shoulder.

Screw it. She’s going to go with her gut and heart and finally answer his question. Maybe they can go browsing at thrift stores for vintage dresses. It is Sunday after all.

“Nick, I love you so much.”

“I love you.”

She kisses his lips, barely brushing against them.

“I will-“

“Nick! You have a visitor!” The couple hear the shout from behind the door.

Nick gives a confused look to Dallas before getting off the bed and getting dressed.

“I’ll be right back,” he says, walking out the door.

Dallas stays frozen, angered that her opportunity got ruined. She gets off the bed, throwing on one of his shirts that has his last name on the back, and follows her boyfriend. When she gets to the front door, she freezes, feeling a sense of discomfort washing over her. Her boyfriend was hugging another girl. Another girl who is absolutely beautiful. She has soft skin, long red hair, and the greenest eyes she’s ever seen. Her smile is beautiful and Dallas thinks she might be feeling jealous. Who is this girl and why is she hugging her boyfriend?

When Nick finally lets go of the unknown girl, he turns around and is quick to spot Dallas. His smile is wide, like a kid on Christmas.

“June, this is a close friend from home, Inez.”

So she has a name. Inez. It’s beautiful and rare to Dallas’ ears.

“Inez, this is Dallas my girl-“

“His fiancée,” Dallas interjects, reaching out her hand for Inez to shake.

“Fiancée? Wow, Nick, you never told me you were getting married. Congrats,” she cheers, although Dallas can hear the surprise in her voice.

Nick’s stuck on Dallas, silently freaking out that she just called herself his fiancée. He’s shocked by her words, not really understanding why she’d introduce herself with that title without even giving him an answer first. He shakes his conflicting thoughts out of his head, not wanting to open up that conversation at the moment.

“Yeah, my fiancée,” he pulls his girl into his arms.

“Well, Dallas, it’s really nice to meet you. I can’t say I’ve heard much about you though,” Dallas grits her teeth, her brain starting to create reasons as to why Nick never brought her up to his friend. She didn’t know that Nick hasn’t talked to Inez in months.

“I can say the same,” she decides to answer with.

“I guess that means we have to get to know each other. I hate to impose, but I really need to shower all the airport off of me. Do you mind, Nick?” Her voice is soft and sweet. Dallas finds it annoying.

“No, go ahead.”

Once she’s out of sight, Dallas turns to Nick with a questioning look.

“Okay, so who are we getting to babysit her while we go to the thrift stores?” Dallas asks, albeit a bit rudely, but she disguises it by leaning up to wrap her arms around his neck.

“She’s not a child. I can’t go to thrift stores today. I need to stay here with Inez,” he says softly. He’s bothered, she can tell by the way he barely touches her.

“It’s Sunday, though. We always go to the thrift stores,” she points out.

“Well, I can’t go today,” Dallas doesn’t know it, but by Nick not going, or suggesting they take Inez, he’s protecting their sunday tradition. He does feel guilty for breaking it, though. They always go to the thrift stores on Sunday unless he has a hockey game or other team requirement.

“Are you serious?” She spits out, already wanting to burst into tears. He’s never put her second to another girl.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he kisses her forehead.

“It’s whatever. I’m going to head out, stick to my Sunday tradition,” she mutters, throwing a low blow at him. The tradition did start off as her own, so she’s letting him know that it’ll always be hers even after involving him.

He feels his heart pang in his chest at her comment.

Dallas trudges through his room, collecting her items and dressing in her clothes. She walks past him, not even saying bye, and makes her way to her car.

If she sped all the way to her favorite thrift store while blaring angry Taylor Swift, well no one had to know.

Dallas hates to admit it, but being at the thrift store doesn’t feel the same without Nick. She kicks herself for being so harsh. She knows she’s in the wrong, and probably being too jealous, but she couldn’t help it. How could he choose Inez over her? Over their sacred tradition.

Sweet, perfect Inez. Dallas rolls her eyes at the mere image of her. Stopping at one of the mirrors in between aisles, she stares at herself. She hates that she’s letting herself dig a hole that she knows she won’t be able to climb out of. She takes a deep breath in, slowly breathing out every insecurity and horrid thought of the girl that now plagued her mind. When she opens her eyes, she spots an old wedding dress. It’s the most beautiful dress she’s ever seen. It has a bunch of lace and it was made in America. It’s also vintage and in perfect condition. A rare find. Dallas immediately puts it in her cart, feeling giddy at the thought of her wearing it when she marries Nick.

About an hour later, Dallas decided to head to checkout, purchasing the dress, a white button up for Nick, and a fancy watch for him as well.

Once back at her own place, in her room she finds an old box that’s ready to be filled with anything that has to do with their wedding. She feels a little crazy thinking about it, but she knows that she wants to marry Nick. She knows that she doesn’t want to wait.

MONDAY

Dallas opens her door to find Nick who immediately pulls her into a bone crushing hug. He noses at her hair, inhaling her addicting scent and kisses her lips a few times.

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you, Nicky.”

“I hope it’s okay that I brought Inez with me,” and just like that Dallas is back to feeling unwell.

She sucks it up, welcoming the girl into her home. She hopes that her smile didn’t falter enough to show just how much she didn’t like the idea.

“You decorate so nicely,” Inez compliments as she makes herself comfortable on the couch, opposite of Dallas who’s in Nick’s arms.

“Oh, thank you. A lot of it has to do with my roommate and best friend, Sienna. She’s going to be an interior designer,” Dallas says, trying to put on a friendly smile.

“That’s cool!”

“So, how long have you and Nick been friends?” Dallas asks, intertwining her fingers with Nicks.

“Since 5th grade! We have gone through a lot together. Nick has always been the one I do everything with,” Inez says with a sadness to her tone. Her smile isn’t as bright, but it’s still genuine.

“Wow, the 5th grade? That’s a long time. You must know each other very well,” Dallas concludes.

“We do! When I saw the instagram post of your Halloween costumes, I was very surprised. Nick has never really cared for Halloween and doing the whole couples costume thing. As well as when Nick told me he proposed on Valentine’s Day; I was in shock. I’ve never known Nick to like that holiday or be so romantic,” as Inez says all this, Dallas can feel her heart sink into her stomach.

Every word being spoken to her starts to fade out and she feels like the guy sitting next to her isn’t who she thought. To everyone it may have been him lying about those two holidays- that most people don’t even consider holidays, but a lot of pivotal memories happened during those events. Without even realizing it, Dallas stoically pulls her hand from where it was cradled in Nicks. Eerily feeling like a stranger in her own home.

Inez and Nick only spend a couple more hours with the girl, talking and laughing while everything continues to be reevaluated in Dallas’ mind. She tries to smile and converse with them, but she just feels so out of place.

It’s not until they leave that she feels like she can breathe. She has time to go through everything and think about how he technically lied to her. Why wouldn’t he tell her that he didn’t care for Halloween? She wouldn’t have made him dress up with her.

She moves throughout the day, but everything seems to pass her by. Even when Nick comes by later that night to bring her food, she’s not even present.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Nick cups her cheek, trying to get her to connect eyes with him.

Dallas feels her tears trailing down her cheeks, although she isn’t aware that she’s actually crying until Nick frowns in worry.

“She’s your best friend,” speaking those words is almost impossible. It feels like burning bile in her throat, because she’s supposed to be his best friend, but how could she when felt like she didn’t even really know him.

“What’re you talking about?” His voice is soft and low. He continues to wipe away her tears as they fall.

“Inez, she’s your best friend,” she whispers.

“What? No, no, she’s just my friend. You’re my best friend,” he corrects her, his head shaking furiously.

“No! She’s your best friend and I’m not. I didn’t even know that you don’t care for Halloween or Valentine’s. I feel like I don’t really know your true self. What else do you not like? What else do I not know about you?” Dallas rips herself from his hands, moving to her bedroom so Sienna wouldn’t have to hear them.

“We’re always learning new things about each other, so there’s a lot we still don’t know, but that’s what the rest of our lives are for. As for Halloween and Valentine’s, I never felt like I had to tell you. You love Halloween, so I wanted to dress up with you. You actually made me love it because it was so much fun. You love Valentine’s Day, so I wanted it to be as special as possible,” he explains, trying to hold her but she continues to pull away.

“That’s not the point though! You could’ve told me, because I want to know every little thing about you. I just feel like I don’t know you as well as I thought. It’s a bit off putting,” she says.

“Well, now you do know,” Nick tries to make light of the conversation, but it just makes her upset.

She wants an apology. She’s not sure if this whole thing warrants one, but it’d be nice to know that she isn’t overreacting and is understood.

“Can you please leave?” She shuts her eyes, not willing to let more tears fall.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Nick. I need you to leave. You obviously don’t understand why I’m upset, so just leave,” she blurts out.

“Fine. I love you, June,” he kisses her forehead. Nick pauses at the door, waiting for her to tell him to stay, but those words never come.

TUESDAY

Dallas throws herself into all her schoolwork as a much needed distraction. When she’s not doing schoolwork, she’s working on dismantling and reassembling the wedding dress she bought from the thrift. She may be upset with Nick, but she is still getting married to him.

She uses one of the scrap pieces of lace from the dress to be part of Nick’s white button up. She dyed the fabric black, cut out her initials and stitched it into the cuff of the sleeve. For her dress, she only saved certain parts of it. She saved the bodice, part of the skirt, and all of the lace. She decided to add thin straps and rework the lace into a veil. She wants a very simple, light wedding dress.

In the process of distracting herself from her little spat with Nick, she goes to a jeweler to get Nick’s watch she bought engraved. “You are my forever,” sits delicately in cursive on the back of it.

There may be a little retail therapy included in her small trip, but that’s only between her and her credit card.

After having a quiet dinner and mini fashion show with her best friend, she decides that it’s not worth being mad at Nick. She has to get over it and move on, because at the end of the day she loves him.

She smiles when she nears his room, his voice filling her ears.

“Yeah, I don't know what was going on last night. I guess she’s just being insecure because you’re here,” Dallas hears Nick say to who she’s assuming is Inez.

She can physically feel her blood start to boil, her heart thumping and mind racing. Before thinking about it, she throws his door open. Nick turns to see her, his face going pale at the realization that she heard his words. The three stare at each other, waiting for someone to break. It’s Dallas.

“Fuck you!” She shouts, turning around.

“June, wait!” Nick runs after her.

“Why, so I can hear you tell your best friend how your girlfriend is so insecure? No thank you,” she spits.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think? You acted crazy for me not telling you about Halloween. You said how she’s my best friend! You called yourself my fiancée when you never even answered my proposal in the first place. Which by the way, makes me feel like you don’t even love me, so yeah sorry for thinking you were insecure,” he blurts out.

Dallas feels her tears spill, her body shaking with nerves. Is this really happening right now? It really hurt to be accused of being jealous just because she accepted his proposal. She’s also being accused of not loving him. She really was going to say yes before Inez even showed up. It’s not her fault they got sidetracked by the red head.

“How dare you say that I only want to marry you because of her! How dare you say that I don’t love you. And you know what, she is your best friend, because you’re here gossiping to her about me. I can’t believe you told her that instead of making sure I was reassured. I guess it’s only okay when I reassure you whenever you get jealous. I don’t even give you a reason to feel jealous,” she rants.

As she goes to walk out his door, he tries to stop her once more.

“June, please don’t leave. Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told her that. I’m sorry for not being nicer about it, or talking to you about it. You’re the only one who matters,” he apologized.

“Don’t call me that anymore. You’re not my boyfriend and you’re not my fiancé,” she whispers, too scared to look up at his face.

“What? C’mon, please. We can talk about this. We can fix this. I can fix this, just tell me what to do. I’m sorry. I messed up, I know that, but we can’t break up. We’re getting married,” she clenched her eyes shut, not daring to see his tears. She knows he’s about to cry by the way his voice continues to crack.

Her back is to him, so he comes up behind her to pull her body into his. If it weren’t for the arm wrapped around her waist, she would’ve crumbled into the floor. She can feel his tears hitting the material of her sweater. It makes her heart break that much more. She hates that she’s hurting him, but his words hurt her. The way he openly talks to Inez about her as if she’s anybody but his fiancée. If roles were reversed, he’d feel the same way she’s feeling.

“No because apparently I don’t love you,” she throws his words back at him, having to pull away from him as his shoulders start to shake.

“Please. Please, I know you love me. I was being an asshole and I made a mistake. I’m sorry,” he pleads.

“I need to leave,” she says, walking away.

She feels like a robot on the walk back to her place. The cold bites at her skin, but it’s nothing compared to the way her heart aches and her stomach twists. She finds herself at Luca’s place, immediately sobbing against him when he pulls her into a hug. That night she watches the moon, silent tears falling as she tries to banish every thought she has of Nick. She can’t go home, not when there are traces of the hockey player in every single corner. His cologne and shampoo are embedded in her pillows. His clothes fill up a section of her closet. There are notes and pictures of them littered on her dresser and night stand. Ignoring him seems impossible.

WEDNESDAY

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Focus on classes, go to a Pilates class, and then start working on some designs for her future clothing line.

That’s Dallas’ plan. A solid plan that will stop her from drowning in her tears and guilt. It will also distract her from the multitude of phone calls from her brother and Kent. If only she knew that last night Nick called Blanks in shameful tears to tell him what happened.

Soft purring breaks the girl’s attention of planning out her day. She feels sir’s soft fur as he rubs against her leg.

“Hi, sir moldy. Hi cutie, mommy loves you,” she coos, caressing her black cat who isn’t so small anymore.

Her soft smile starts to disappear as she thinks about her cat not seeing his favorite person, Nick. The ache in her heart makes itself known again.

Snap out of it.

Dallas vows to stay out of her dorm the entire day until her eyes are practically shutting with sleep. Dressing in a cute outfit and putting on her favorite lipstick, she’s out of her door before she can second guess her plan. Who says you can’t be cute and heartbroken at the same time?

Her two morning classes go by without a hitch, the girl finishing any remaining assignments for the week within an hour after they finish. Her work ethic when she’s trying to distract herself is insane.

After a small lunch, Dallas finds the nearest restroom to change into her workout clothes, but when she walks out she sees Nick in the direction she needs to go. Everything around her seems to freeze except for him. His movements are sluggish and his eyes are tired. She turns the other way just as they make eye contact. For a second she thinks she sees him try to get her attention, but she doesn’t stay around to find out.

Dallas makes sure to take a heated Pilates class instead, needing to sweat out every issue that’s clogging her brain. It works but only for a couple hours. Eventually the sweat dries and now her problems feel tacky on her skin. She couldn’t go back to her apartment, though she desperately needed a shower. If she were to go back, she’d just get sidetracked by all the things her ex has taken over in her room.

She drives out to a lookout spot, putting her car in park so she can draw up new prospects for her clothing line. It’s a bittersweet moment. A lot of her inspiration would spark when she was with Nick. She has to remind herself that her clothing line has always been something she wants. It’s something that she has to be one hundred percent sure about. There’s no time for her to be hurt and in return be neglectful to something she’s worked so hard for.

She has to remember to be grateful for the things that are still in her life.

It’s almost midnight when she returns to her apartment, finding Sienna cuddled up with Sir on the couch.

“Nick tried to see you like a few hours ago. He told me to tell you that he wants to talk,” Sienna says, not even in her apartment for a minute and Dallas already wants to leave again.

“Of course he wants to talk. He can fuck off for all I care. I made up my mind and he needs to deal with it. He can go talk to Inez,” the girl says with an agitated edge to her tone.

“Look, D, you know I love you, but maybe you should talk to him. I know he fucked up majorly, but you should still talk to him,” she brings her into a hug.

“Why, so he can relate it all back to Inez like the best friend she is? So he can try to convince me that she’s not his best friend? I don’t need to hear it,” she spits, removing herself from Sienna’s arms. She heads to her room to shower off the day and sleep for as long as she possibly can.

THURSDAY

“Have you told her about it?” Inez asks Nick in the quiet of the library corner they’re in.

“No. Not yet anyway. I am soon because I know she’s going to be upset if I wait any longer- even if we’re broken up. Hopefully the breakup won’t last too long, though,” he responds, eyes cast down on the paper he’s been procrastinating about.

“She’s not going to be happy. Maybe you shouldn’t tell her. If she finds out we took each other’s virginities, she’s going to be so much more mad,” Inez says, reaching out her hand to rest over Nick’s. It’s meant to be comforting. Nick still pulls his hand away, though.

“Yeah, just let me lie to my fiancée again about something much worse than commercial holidays. No, I need to tell her,” he snaps.

“I’m just trying to protect you. She’s not your anything anymore anyways,” Inez sneered.

“Well don’t,” Nick feels that Inez is partially to blame for his whole breakup. It’s not fair and to some extent, he knows that, but he doesn’t want to blame himself.

“How’re you going to make up for the whole insecurity thing?”

“I don’t know. Grovel, probably or explain why I said it.”

“Maybe you’re just not meant to be. I mean this is kind of crazy to get upset about, especially when she claims she’s your fiancée,” Inez reasons.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand.” The conversation ends there.

The entire day, Nick is constantly looking for Dallas. Outside the rooms he knows her classes take place, at her favorite on campus cafe, and around her favorite spot she likes to chill and write at. No matter how busy it is, it still feels like a ghost town with her absence clearly present.

Dallas watches Nick as he looks around. It seems as if he’s lost, but she knows that he’s looking for her.

She saw him at the library with Inez. She watched the way Inez was talking with her expressive hand gestures and the way Nick's face grew red. Dallas doesn’t know that it was out of annoyance and not in happiness.

To Dallas, they looked so comfortable as if they’re the ones who've been dating for months. Inez’ smile was easy to compare to the breathtaking sight of the sun after a few gloomy days. Her cheeks were coated in a perfectly shade-matched blush. Her plump lips were the perfect shade of pink. She had the prettiest ribbon tied in her red hair, and she just knew her perfume was heavenly. Dallas so badly wished she was the one talking to Nick, covering his hand with her own.

She’s never been someone to be jealous as she’s so confident in herself. Now, she finds herself wishing to be Inez, but hating that she’s has got to the point of where she doesn’t want to be her own person anymore. She also hates the way she never gave Inez a chance, the way she never let herself like her because she’s so likable. Maybe her and Nick would still be together if she didn’t immediately feel jealous of Inez. Dallas feels like she’s going to go insane with the way she keeps bottling up her every emotion towards the girl and her ex boyfriend or fiancé. Nevertheless, she keeps walking with her head held high, well as high as she can get it without her eyes blurring with tears. That elegance and grace she’s learned through ballet comes in handy at this very moment as she remains in a balance of sanity.

She’s so close to entering her apartment building when Nick catches her.

“Dallas!” Her body freezes, literally not being able to move her feet, but she can feel her heart rate speed up.

“Dallas, please let me talk to you,” Nick whispers once he’s close enough to the girl.

“What do you want?” She turns to face him, avoiding his eyes.

“I need to tell you something and after that I will have no more lies or things I’m keeping from you,” he says, but Dallas stays quiet, afraid her words will come out as shouts.

“Inez and I lost our virginities to each other in high school,” he blurts out, waiting in tense silence for Dallas’ reaction.

Dallas feels her heart being crushed between his two fingers. She thinks there’s a big possibility of her passing out on the cold ground. At least that impact won’t hurt as much as this. She finally snaps her head up, looking at him with a glare.

“Look, I never meant to hide it from you. I just knew that if you found out after all that’s happened, you’d freak-“ he’s cut off by a sharp slap to his cheek.

Dallas feels her palm grow warm and start to sting. Her eyes are wide, shocked that she just laid a hand on him. She watches the way Nick’s eyes start to tear up. He knows that this is it. She opens and closes her mouth, not sure what to say or if she should apologize for hitting him. She decides to slowly back away, not able to get herself to turn away from him. She watches his distraught figure as she backs away, tears trailing down her cheeks.

Her body moves on autopilot, reality finally crashing over her when she enters her apartment. Sienna watches with fearful eyes, not having ever seen her best friend in a state like this. Dallas looks at Sienna, her tears still falling. Again, words fail to come out of her mouth as she opens and closes it. Then, it’s like all the shock dissipates and anger takes over. Her eyes are going dark and her features are hardening. She marches to her room, ripping open her closet door. She starts yanking hangers away from each other, throwing out each piece of Nick’s clothing.

All the withheld anger and sadness came bubbling out of the girl in the form of screams. She couldn’t stop it as she shoved every article of clothing that belonged to him in a box. Did 19 year olds act like this? Well, they do now. Poor Sir got so scared he ran to the living room as his mom cleaned every spot that’s been stained by her ex boyfriend. Her movements come to a halt when her eyes land on her wedding box. The tears crash on her with so much weight she falls to her knees, sobs wracking her body. Sienna’s quick to rush to Dallas, immediately hugging her.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let it all out,” she murmured.

“He lost his virginity to her,” she whispers.

Sienna’s eyes widen as she hugs Dallas tighter.

“Shit. I’m so sorry.”

“Am I crazy for being upset? I feel like it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I’m just- I’m so hurt,” Dallas says through sobs and hiccups.

“You have every right to feel the way you do. I’m here for you for whatever you need,” Sienna attempts to soothe her.

“I just- I need to go to my room and calm down.”

“Okay.”

Dallas lugs her heavy body to her room, showers and then neatly packs everything that belongs to Nick in a box. She debates on whether or not she should give him the wedding box, too. Part of her still believed that she should continue to hold onto it because maybe things will get better. Then, she thinks about the new piece of information he just blurted out and she wants to die all over again. She feels that familiar burn of tears in her eyes, so she does the one thing she loves to do when her brain is too loud, write.

Instead of writing in her journal, she decides to write on a single piece of paper. Instead of writing how she feels, she writes a letter that’s a semblance of a goodbye. It’s everything the next girl needs to know or love about Nick, written from someone who loved him probably too much.

THE LETTER

To whoever gets to love Nick next,

He will pretend to like something you love just to make you happy. Don’t get mad at him for hiding the fact that he doesn’t like it. Just love him for wanting you to be happy.

Nick loves hockey, so you have to love him as a hockey player. No matter all the insane expectations that come with it, or how he’ll drive himself up a wall just to be great at something he loves.

Nick is such a goofy person- even when it’s time to be serious. I think it’s because he loves to see the people around him smile, so don’t get annoyed by his untimely silliness.

If you ever get the opportunity to be given a gift from Nick, prepare yourself. He’s one of the best gift givers I have ever met. It just goes to show how easy it is for him to remember everything about someone he loves.

Cherish the vulnerable moments. Don’t take his feelings for granted; they’re a big piece of him and that type of information is hard for anyone to confess to someone they’re scared to be hurt by.

I love you Nick, and in another universe, in another lifetime, our love will have been enough.

Dallas folds up the letter and places it on top of everything in the box. She picks it up, every memory and emotion weighing heavily in her arms. She trudges back to the living room, ignoring Sienna’s worried gaze as she sets the box down by the front door.

“If Nick happens to come by, or any of the hockey boys, give it to them. Thank you,” she mutters, walking back to her room.

FRIDAY

“Dallas, c’mon! I know you’re home, your car is parked outside. Please, please let me in. We need to talk and I want to see our cat,” Nick shouts from outside her door.

When Dallas first heard the knocks, she was doused in sleep. Then she heard his voice, and she was suddenly wide awake.

“No, you’re not coming in to see MY cat. I don’t want to talk to you, so leave,” Dallas cracks the door open just a bit, so she knows that he hears her.

“Dallas, please. Please let me fix this,” he pleads.

“No!”

“Nick, you need to leave. Here’s a box with all your things,” Sienna intervened, handing the box over to him while Dallas sat on the couch.

Nick’s face falls, his eyes getting watery and he searches his mind for words to say. Sienna closes the door before he gets the chance to speak up.

“Are you okay?” She asks Dallas.

Dallas furiously shakes her head. “I can’t be here. I need to go.”

“Okay where are you going?” Sienna follows Dallas to her room, watching her as she packs an overnight bag.

“Buffalo.”

“Buffalo? That’s a bit of a drive. Will you be able to make it?”

“Yes. I don’t want to go to Ohio, and I can’t stay here. I’ll be back before Monday. Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot. I love you,” Dallas says, hugging Sienna.

“Of course. I love you, too.”

Dallas rushes to her car, but she’s still seen.

“D!” Dallas halts her steps when she hears Rutger’s voice.

“Hey, Rut.”

“Where are you going?” He asks, spotting her bag.

“Somewhere for some peace and quiet,” she says.

“How are you feeling? I know everything has been kinda shitty lately.”

“I’m holding it together as best as I can. I’m really hurt and I just need to get away from here for a day or two,” she explains, her exterior softening at Rutger’s sincerity.

“I’m sorry about everything. If you need anything, Luca and I are here for you.”

“Thank you. It means a lot, but you know I can’t. Umm… anyways I have to get going. Thanks for asking about how I was doing. I’ll see you around,” she moves to turn away, but he just pulls her into a short hug.

“No matter what happens, please don’t stop being our friend,” he whispers.

She nods her head, separating herself from the boy before the remainder of her heart shatters. She gets into her car and sets off for Buffalo.

The long drive was cathartic as she belted out lyrics to Taylor Swift- even through all her tears. She also got a ton of fresh air that she desperately needed.

It’s dark when she makes it to where she was going. The person she was trying to see wasn’t even home, so she spent a couple hours outside their front door. Dallas is sure she got a ton of concerned- even judging looks as she accidentally fell asleep with tears dried on her cheeks.

“Dallas?”

The girl startles out of her nap, immediately jumping up when she sees Owen. Owen Power, one of her favorite people. She collapses into his arms, her tears falling once again.

“What happened? Are you okay? Does anyone know you’re here?” He holds her tight.

“Blanks knows I’m here. I broke up with my boyfriend and I just needed to leave because I see and feel him everywhere,” she explains, the shattered pieces of her heart piercing through her skin.

“Let’s get you inside. You probably need some sleep especially after the long drive.”

After some much needed food and a shower, Dallas finally explains everything to Owen. He’s less than impressed, but he’s really good at comforting her.

“I don’t know. I just feel like this whole week I’ve been acting like some crazy girlfriend. Do you think I’m crazy for feeling and acting this way?”

“No, you’re valid. Except for the whole Halloween and Valentine’s thing, that’s not too big of a deal. He was just trying to make you happy. Now, him telling that girl you’re insecure and saying that you don’t love him was out of line. I’m sorry that you went through that, but I am glad I get to see you,” he tells her, bringing her in for another hug.

“Thank you for understanding. I’m happy to see you, too. Now, I need at least 12 hours of sleep, so goodnight. Will you be here tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah. I’ll make you breakfast.”

As Dallas falls asleep that night, Nick is beating himself up as he reads Dallas’ letter. The once neat paper is littered with tear drops.

SATURDAY

Nick is breaking many traffic laws just to get to Buffalo. It took Rutger telling him that she was leaving and a million apologies to Blanks to find out where she was. He was ready to lay his heart on the line, or in her palms.

Nick doesn’t know she’s staying with Owen, he just knows where she is. When he knocks on the door, he’s surprised to see a very tall man with long hair.

“Nick.” Owen knows him from Dallas’ instagram.

Nick recognizes the other hockey player, but that doesn’t stop him from pretending otherwise.

“Um, who are you?” Nick puffs out his chest, trying to disguise his true reaction. Owen is very large and intimidating as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Owen Power, a good friend of Dallas.” Owen looks down on Nick, a testing expression painting his features.

“Is Dallas here? Can I talk to her?”

“I don’t know. Can you, or will you just go talk to Inez?” Nick looks taken aback at his remark.

So much for a great first impression.

“What are you doing here?” Dallas asks, moving Owen out of the way.

“I need to talk to you. Please, Dallas you have to let me explain everything,” he begs.

Dallas groans, her hands going through her hair as she moves aside for him to enter.

“What could you possibly say to me?”

“I know you’re upset that I just told you about how I lost my virginity to Inez, but it didn’t mean anything and she doesn’t mean anything to me,” he swears.

“You made me seem like I was crazy for feeling insecure! You had sex with her and I know that was long ago, but you’re with me, but still had her come visit you,” she responds.

“I didn’t know she was coming! Do you think if I knew, I would let it happen, or at least not tell you about our past?” He questions.

“You still let her stay! That’s the difference. If she didn’t mean a thing to you, why did you let her stay? If I had lost my virginity to Owen and had you meet him because he’s my close friend, you would go ballistic. If roles were reversed, you’d be just as jealous and just as upset!” She shouts.

“Speaking of Owen, why would you tell him our business? Sure seems like he’s your best friend when you said I was yours” Nick scoffs, jealousy creeping up on him.

“No! No, you can’t get jealous not right now. See! This is what I mean! You can get jealous all you want, but the moment I do, it’s wrong. Screw your double standards!”

“I was the one who was insecure. I have been asking you to marry me for weeks and you still wouldn’t give me an answer. Next thing I know, you’re introducing yourself as my fiancée. I felt like the prospect of our marriage wasn’t important to you, like you were just playing with my feelings to see how far you could go before I blew up. I fucked up so badly because I thought you wouldn’t want to marry me at all. If you had eventually said no, our relationship would be ruined. I’m sorry, Dallas. I’m sorry for making it seem like she’s my best friend. I’m sorry for keeping things from you, and saying that you don’t love me. I’m sorry for everything and I just needed to tell you that,” he says, watching as she cries.

“Here’s your ring, I forgot to put it in the box,” she says, barely loud enough for him to hear.

He immediately shakes his head, knowing that if he takes back the ring everything will really be over.

“I can’t take that back. It’s yours. It belongs to you,” he tries to say it with conviction, but his voice cracks and his tears start to fall.

“I can’t have it either,” she pulls the ring off, forcing it into his hands.

His shoulders are shaking and his lip wobbles. Nick wants to hold her in his arms, but he knows she’ll push him away.

Dallas wants to reach out to him as he walks away, but she fears it’s too late to take back everything she’s said and done.

“Nick?” She calls his name and watches the way he turns around within that second.

“Yeah?” His voice is unsure. He watches the looks she gives him. Her eyes are filled with want. She wants that connection.

He quickly walks back to her, pulling her into his arms.

“Why can’t you fight for me?” She questions, hurt laced in her voice. Her hands connect around his neck and he can feel her chest heave.

“I have been fighting. Not hard enough, but because you won’t let me fight for you,” he answers, hands rubbing her back.

“Fight for me, please,” she begs, her way of saying she’ll listen to what he has to say.

“I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you. I hadn’t talked to Inez since before I graduated high school, so her coming to visit was just as much a surprise to me as it was to you. I’m sorry for being an asshole and telling Inez that you were insecure. That wasn’t my place and that wasn’t her business. I should’ve made sure that you were secure in our relationship, because that’s my job as your boyfriend.”

“Fiancé,” Dallas corrects him.

“Yes, your fiancé. I know you love me with all your heart, sorry for ever doubting that. Inez is not my best friend and she’s not even really a friend. Not anymore. I told her she couldn’t be in my life, because if she stayed, I knew you wouldn’t and I once told you that I can’t live without you. That stands true. I want you even if that means giving up everything else. I’m sorry, June. I’m so sorry for being so careless with us,” he apologizes, his tears falling into her hair.

“I accept your apology. I’m sorry for being so emotional,” she says against the skin of his cheek as she softly kisses his face.

“You have every right to feel angry, sad, or hurt. I was truly an asshole,” he states.

“I’m so sorry for slapping you, Nick. I hate myself for putting my hands on you like that. I swear I will never do that again,” she sobs into his chest, that guilt finally breaking her down.

“I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t. I saw how much that hurt you, emotionally,” she whispers.

“I love you, pretty girl.”

“I love you, always.”

Dallas pulls away, taking in the boy she loves so much. His hair is messy and his face is red from his tears.

“June bug, I want you in my life forever. I don’t care how young we are, or what people think, because I know that our love is enough in this lifetime and the next one. We will always find our way to each other. Will you please marry me?” He pulls out the ring from his pocket and kneels on one knee.

“Yes! Yes in this lifetime and yes in the next. I love you, Nick,” she answers, jumping into his arms and kissing his lips for the first time in what felt like forever.

a/n: I absolutely loved writing this and I hope y’all enjoy it! The title is a little combination of “All American Bitch” and “Lacy” by Olivia Rodrigo as I feel those two songs resemble what Dallas was going through. It also references the lace of the dress Dallas thrifted, beautiful but also delicate.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 30

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternate Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

TW: Toxic Relationship

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Sunday, January 3rd; 6:45 PM -  Manchester Restaurant.

Today was really strange. Leah and Alessia parents were supposed to return in the afternoon, so most of us left their house around noon after a much-needed cleanup. Our boozy evening and the two days that followed had left quite the mess, as we all stayed over to sleep. Luckily, nothing was broken.

Everyone went their separate ways in the afternoon. The Alba, Patri, Caudia and Leah decided to stay and have a geek day in Leah's room. Alessia, Maya and Ella opted for a trip around town and a visit to the park on this last day of freedom. As for Alexia, Mapi, and me, we decided to grab a bite somewhere before taking Mapi to the airport.

Mapi didn’t really want to leave. She loved her short stay here, even though she complained a lot about the weather. She adored the city and enjoyed the time spent with my friends. We spent most of our time with Alexia, with whom she quickly became friends. Saying goodbye was hard for everyone when it was time for her flight.

Afterward, Alexia perfectly organized the rest of our day. She made plans to see Jenni one last time before school resumed. I offered to join the girls and leave her alone with him, but she insisted I stay. According to her, it would have led to a bunch of questions she wasn't ready to answer. Knowing she was right, I resigned myself to stay.

I wasn’t thrilled at first, but she reassured me by saying that Jenni had invited Ingird and Lucy to join us. I also learned that Alexia had just discovered their names on New Year’s, which really surprised me. After all, they are her girlfriend’s friends, but according to Alexia, it wasn’t up to her. It seems Lucy wanted it that way. She hadn’t taken Jenni's departure well and, as a result, had kept her distance from any connection between them.

It must have been tough for Alexia, knowing Lucy is her girlfriend’s best friend. Lucy remained very cold toward her, which intimidated Alexia a lot. I now understand better why Alexia reacted the way she did when Lucy visited our room. She had every reason to be afraid of my supervisor. However, it seems like things are finally starting to improve.

Alexia confessed that this was the first time she’d seen our instructors outside of school. This afternoon was the second time. Lucy had agreed to come. Ingird, however, already had plans. So, after Mapi's flight took off, we took a taxi and joined them at Jenni’s place, where we spent the rest of the afternoon at her apartment.

Now, here we are at the restaurant, where I’m sitting next to Alexia and across from Lucy. We didn’t leave too late since we have to be back at school by nine. Lucy kept reminding us, so we couldn’t forget. It’s still a very strange situation to end the holidays. I’ve spent most of my time with Lucy, as the two lovebirds haven’t let go of each other all afternoon.

“Have you heard from Mapi?” Alexia asks me.

“No, but I should soon. I told her to take the morning flight, but she didn’t listen.”

“Why should she have taken the morning one?” Jenni asks.

“She’ll land late tonight. She’s bound to be exhausted for her first day back tomorrow.”

“Well, she really didn’t want to leave,” Alexia chuckles. “She picked the latest flight possible.”

“Let’s hope her return to reality isn’t too harsh.”

“Is she not doing well?” Lucy asks. “She seemed fine at New Year’s.”

“Mapi isn’t the kind of person who shows her struggles in front of others,” I reply honestly.

“I know someone else like that,” she murmurs, sipping her drink.

I know she’s talking about me. I’m not someone who expresses myself in front of others either. When I do, it’s only in front of one person, and that’s very rare. Lucy was an exception, which is still hard for me to understand. I had never cried in front of her like I did.

“What happened?” Alexia asks curiously, to my relief.

“Well… Her girlfriend cheated on her with my ex,” I admit. “So, let’s just say their relationship didn’t end well.”

Alexia doesn’t have time to react because Lucy chokes on her drink. She sets her glass down hard, looking at me with wide eyes. It reminds me that I hadn’t actually told her the reasons for their sudden breakup.

“The ex I’m thinking of?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I reply.

“That’s why the other night… Well…”

I shake my head, understanding what she means. She’s referring to the night I called her in tears. It had nothing to do with that, but now she has a reason to be curious. Our friends look at us with a mix of curiosity and confusion as they watch our exchange.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Lucy says, noticing our friends’ reactions.

There’s not much more to say, but I agree to avoid continuing this private conversation here.

“So, anyway,” Jenni interjects before the mood around the table can cool down. “Why did you come to school, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My mom gave me the choice between school or kicking me out without a place to live,” I say with a shrug.

An “ouch” louder than I intended escapes my lips as I get kicked under the table. I glare at Lucy, realizing she’s the one who kicked me. I calm down when I see she’s giving me the same look.

“You didn’t tell me that either,” she grumbles. “I thought your mom knew Wiegman, and that’s why you got a spot?”

“That’s true. At least, I suppose so,” I reply with another shrug. “Don’t I have the right to have secrets, Commander?” I tease her.

“No, not about things like that. Especially if you can talk about it so openly with a stranger.”

Her reaction surprises me a bit. She had never before complained that I didn’t tell her something.

“Well, you never asked,” I retort.

“Come on. We both know I’ve always let you talk to me at your own pace about why you came to Camp Wiegman.”

“You’re not telling me you’re upset, are you?” I joke.

“Yes, completely,” she says, crossing her arms.

I lose my smile when I realize she really is, judging by the look on her face. Is she seriously upset over something so minor? Why does it matter to her if I talk to someone else? I was ready to say anything to make her stop sulking, but I understand her game when a tiny smirk on her lips betrays her. I smile too, much more relieved than I should be, realizing she’s not really mad at me.

“You shouldn’t be.”

“And why not?” she counters.

“Because you know things even Mapi doesn’t. And Mapi is the person who knows me best.”

My words are sincere, and they seem to have an effect on Lucy, who looks at me in a strange way. The tense atmosphere eases suddenly, as if she realizes what this means to me. She doesn’t seem to grasp how much influence she has over me—or maybe she does and enjoys it. Either way, all I know is that I feel good talking to her. I feel listened to, and she has this way of making me want to confide in her and no one else. She genuinely seems interested in my problems, which is very important to me.

“Lately, you’re the first person I turn to when something important happens in my life. It’s… I don’t know. It’s become automatic, I guess.”

Her eyes soften at this new revelation. She seems to appreciate it. In any case, I’ve never been this honest in my life.

“Alright… Thank you, then. That’s what I want you to do. Well, not necessarily being the first… Although it means a lot to me that I am, but what’s important is that I know.”

My cheeks warm up as I realize my words didn’t fall on deaf ears. I force a smile, which she returns with a touch of amusement. Then I turn my eyes to the couple sitting with us. Alexia is looking at me strangely, making me feel a bit more uncomfortable. She’s seen us interact before, but never like this. No one knows the extent of our relationship. We don’t even know ourselves. I wish I could talk to someone about it to clarify things, but I doubt Lucy would appreciate it. The problem is, I’m afraid to bring it up with her, too, in case she gets angry. Maybe she won’t anymore, now that she declared us friends a few days ago... I should try again sometime.

The meal continues peacefully after the waiter brings our food. Jenni keeps asking me questions to get to know me better. I enjoy answering her. In return, I learn things about her, like how close she is to my supervisor or that she’s been dating Alexia for almost a year. She explained how Alexia wouldn’t leave her alone and how hard it was for her to resist when she noticed her from day one. Lucy doesn’t participate much in this conversation. She seems almost bored. Her behavior around this whole thing is really strange. I’ll be sure to ask her why when I get the chance. To avoid bothering her any longer, I steer the conversation toward Jenni’s personal life. I learn that she works at a gym since being laid off from the school and that she’s also developing a project with Lucy. I was curious about that, so I wanted to ask more questions, but Lucy doesn’t seem to agree, as she abruptly ends our evening.

“It’s after eight. We should go if we don’t want to be late.”

“You’re taking them then?” Jenni asks.

“Well, yeah, I’m not going to leave them here.”

“What a shame,” I comment.

“You can say that to anyone but me,” she smiles.

I bite my lip, mentally cursing her for knowing me so well. I’ve calmed down lately, and I’m starting to enjoy this school. Camp Wiegman has become my home. It was hard to admit, but it’s the truth. It gives me the stability I was missing in Barcelona. I hope that after I leave, I’ll have found a career path that will keep me from sitting at home with nothing to do.

Under Lucy’s pressure, we decide to head to the register to pay our bill. I’m the first to finish. I wait off to the side after paying. I was lost in thought while waiting for my friends when my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I frown as an unknown number appears on the screen. I decide to ignore it, thinking if it’s important, they’ll call back. And they do. I immediately think of Mapi, who must have landed by now. I sigh, glancing at Lucy as she joins me.

“Someone’s trying to call me. I’ll step outside to take it.”

“Alright. Don’t stray too far, please.”

I nod before heading for the exit. I take the third call and bring the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Ona?” the voice on the other end surprises me. “Oh my God, I finally got through to you…”

The voice on the other end freezes me the moment I recognize it. I can’t believe it. How did she get my number after all this time? I even changed it to get away from her!

“Ona, I just want to talk to you.”

“Leave me alone, Feli, damn it! How did you get my number?!”

"It doesn't matter. Just let me talk to you! I've changed! How many times do I have to tell you? I promise I won't hurt you anymore... I miss you, and I know you miss me too. What do I have to do to convince you to come back to me?"

I jump when a hand touches my shoulder. I relax when I see it's Lucy. I was so upset that I didn't hear her join me. I close my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts. Feli keeps on with her spiel on the other end. I should answer her to get her off my back once and for all, but I don't have the strength to do it. The only thing I can do is hang up on her. Lucy seems to notice.

"Is there a problem?"

I hide my screen when I see her looking at it. I hope she didn't see anything. I don't particularly want to drag her into this.

"No, it's settled," I say, blocking the number.

"Alright... If you say so. Let's go then."

I glance at my phone one last time to make sure it's really over before following her to her car, where the couple is already waiting for us. It was more practical to take hers since we loaded it with our suitcases. I sit in the back with Alexia, and Jenni sits in the front with Lucy. We have to make a small detour to drop Jenni off at her apartment.

"I'm sitting in front!" I shout as soon as Lucy stops the car.

I'm the first to get out of the car. The others also get out to say goodbye to Jenni. Alexia goes last, taking her time to kiss her. While they finish, Lucy leans against the car next to me. She might not approve of their relationship, but she’s at least considerate enough to let them say goodbye. I sigh as I feel my phone vibrating again. Deep down, I hope it’s really Mapi this time, but I quickly realize it’s not when I see another unknown number. Knowing her, she probably got another phone. She doesn't even give me ten seconds to breathe before starting again. Over and over. The fifth time was the last straw. An inexplicable rage fills me, and before I realize what I'm doing, my phone bounces off the asphalt from the force of my throw before landing flat on its screen several meters in front of us.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Lucy scolds, surprised.

"Damn it," I mutter, realizing what I've just done.

I immediately rush over to check the damage, squatting down to examine my phone. I grimace when I see the screen shattered into a thousand pieces.

"Let me see."

I bite my lip as I look at Lucy, who has knelt down next to me. I hand it to her to examine for herself. I groan when I realize she can't get it to turn back on. Damn it, I've really messed up this time. I’ve always taken care to make sure nothing happened to it, and now it’s unusable in a split second.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" Lucy snaps.

"Not here... Please."

"Fine. We’ll talk when we get to school then, and that’s non-negotiable."

She stands up first, preventing me from saying anything else. I sigh as I head back to the car. I briefly glance at Alexia, who silently asks me what just happened. I shake my head in response before getting back into the car. The girls quickly join me, and the drive is eerily quiet. Thankfully, there's music to fill the silence. I feel like Lucy is angry with me without knowing why. I keep glancing at her and notice her hands are clenched tightly around the steering wheel.

"Stop looking at me," she growls.

I sigh and decide to look away for the rest of the drive. It was the longest trip of my life. Engen was at the reception when we arrived. She lets us through and notes our arrival on a piece of paper. Lucy leads us to the back parking lot. When we get out, she opens the trunk, where Alexia retrieves her suitcase. I wanted to get mine, but Lucy stops me.

"Later. We need to talk first."

"Can I at least drop my things off in my room first?" I try to negotiate. "No...? Okay..." I add quietly when I see her stern face. "Fine..." I resign.

Alexia leaves without me when she realizes I’m not allowed to follow. As for us, we head toward the gym. A countless number of solutions run through my mind. She’s not going to punish me again, is she? I relax when she leads us to an office and not a sports hall as I expected.

"Why are we here?"

"To be more discreet. Unlike my office in the other building, the lights from the administration can’t be seen here."

I nod in understanding. It will certainly save her from answering questions the next day. She turns on the light before we sit down on the two visitor chairs in front of the desk. I would have preferred if she sat across from me. It’s much more intimidating to have her so close. She turns her chair so she can face me with her arms crossed. That’s not a good sign if she’s in that position. She must be irritated by something, but what? Not knowing why makes me even more nervous.

"Talk."

I take a deep breath, realizing she’s letting me speak. Damn, this is a really delicate situation. My fingers start fidgeting to distract myself.

"I don't know where to start," I admit.

"The beginning, and don't beat around the bush, please."

"Okay... Well... I think Feli is harassing me..."

My voice was just a barely understandable whisper at the end. I’m not even sure I understood myself. I don’t understand why I’m reacting like this. It’s not like I did anything wrong. Lucy frowns.

"What’s that mumble supposed to mean if you speak up and talk clearly?"

I sigh, looking away. I don’t like it when she makes me feel this uncomfortable.

"Hey, look at me," she orders, and I do so, albeit reluctantly. "I don't want to bother you by doing this, but it’s important to me to know what’s wrong in your life."

"It's ridiculous... I can handle it on my own..."

"Don’t let your lack of self-confidence speak for you," she scolds. "I’m here to help you, remember? And I will if I can do something about your problem. You won’t get into any trouble if that’s what you’re thinking."

Her words had the desired effect on me. My muscles relax, as if I’m laying down arms in a battle. I don’t like fighting with her because it reminds me of my early days here. I feel like I’m not doing what it takes to become who I was before. Telling her what’s happening can’t hurt, right...? I linger on her hand, which has just rested on my knee. I close my eyes tightly, fighting against myself.

"You're making progress, right?"

"Yes..." I exhale.

"Do you want to go back to how things were? Because that’s what you’re doing. You opened up to me and freed yourself from a burden. I know because otherwise you wouldn’t trust me. So why are you hesitating?"

I open my eyes to see her hand pressing on my knee. She’s pushing me toward relief.

"We both know you need someone to vent to. If I’m not the right person for you, then do it with someone else who can help. What’s most important to me is that you talk without feeling uncomfortable. Locking yourself up like this, without seeking a solution, is cowardly and will undo all the progress you’ve made so far."

Her words touch me so much that I’m on the verge of expressing everything through tears. I hold back, however, preferring to stay strong. I feel ridiculous. She just wants to help me, and in return, I still hesitate to trust her judgment. She’s proven time and time again that she’s a reliable person. I think what scares me the most is her reaction. I can already sense she’s irritated, and I don’t know how she’ll take the news.

"If it’s a trust issue or—"

"No," I interrupt her. "Please don’t think that because it’s not the case."

My interruption must have surprised her because she immediately fell silent. She nods softly.

"I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m always afraid of crossing one of your boundaries," she confesses.

"You’ve never had anything to apologize for, Lucy... It’s just that before being here, I never had anyone but Mapi by my side. She helped me, but she was far from having the same reactions as you. Yours scare me because I can never anticipate them, and I don’t know what you’re thinking."

"Alright..." she sighs. "You feel nervous because you sense I’m upset, is that it?"

"Yeah..." I reply after a slight hesitation, finally looking up. "I don’t like it when we argue, and that’s what will happen if we don’t agree."

"I’m angry because I feel this is important and you don’t realize it. If you did, you would have already told me when we spoke on the phone last week."

"What I told you that night has nothing to do with what I think now. I didn’t expect her to start again."

She frowns as I bite my lip. I can’t turn back now that I’ve started.

"If it’s what I think it is, I’m afraid it’s something more serious than you realize. I really want you to talk to me so I can be sure."

"Alright... I’ll talk..."

I take a deep breath to muster the courage. I can no longer look Lucy in the eyes. Deep down, I know she’s right, and I’m starting to fear her reaction. Knowing her, it will probably be drastic, and that’s scary.

"Explain it to me."

Her encouraging voice is soft, unexpectedly. It seems my behavior has calmed her. I nod gently and begin.

"W-when I went back home, Feli was desperate..."

My voice is trembling, and I can’t control it.

"No one ever knew I still had some contact with her... I was a junkie, but Feli was like another kind of drug for me... S-she made me dependent on her. S-she kept telling me I was nothing without her, that I would never achieve anything. T-that she was the only person who understood me..."

Tears well up in my eyes. Talking about it out loud brings me back to years ago.

"That’s not true. You know that now... Don’t you?" she asks, making me nod with difficulty.

"I-I had a hard time believing it... B-but yes, I know now..."

"She’s the one who destroyed your self-confidence," she sighs. "Believe me, you deserve much better than someone like her."

She reassures me, wiping away the tears that slipped down my cheek without my consent. I nod, trembling slightly. I pull myself together before continuing my explanation.

"Mapi found out one night when I was in the shower. She noticed the numerous messages she was sending me, and she immediately reported it to my mother. I was angry at her at first, even though I knew she just didn’t want to lose me again... I eventually realized she was messing with my head and that what she was doing was harassment... S-she didn’t stop. I had to block him on all my social media and change my number so she couldn’t contact me anymore..."

"And you’re saying she’s doing it again...? Is that why she drugged you? She wanted you to come back to her?"

« Y-yes... I-I thought telling her I didn't want anything to do with her anymore would be enough, but it seems like that's not the case..."

"How many times have you seen her recently?"

"T-twice. Once at that party where she drugged me, and the second time last week, the night I called you... Every time, she kept saying she missed me and wanted a second chance..."

"She hasn't tried to see you since then?" she asks.

I shake my head. I dare to look at her and see her running a hand through her hair. She looks even more irritated than before. I feel ashamed for having kept something like this from her.

"You should have told me about this a long time ago," she scolds me harshly. "This is serious stuff that shouldn't be taken lightly."

"I-I know, I'm sorry," I say sincerely. "Mapi thinks she's looking for me at parties. She goes to a lot of the ones she's at. I-I'd even bet she slept with Mapi's girlfriend on purpose just to hurt her. I didn't have the heart to tell her because I was afraid of hurting her, but I think she suspects it deep down."

"What happened that night that made you break your phone?"

"She somehow found my number, I don't know how, and started harassing me from multiple numbers within a quarter of an hour... I-I'm sorry, I just lost it. I-I didn't expect her to start up again..."

Lucy sighs in frustration while gently stroking my knee. Her touch is soft, in contrast to her deep voice that resonates in the room.

"That's clearly harassment, Ona. This is very serious. You should press charges against her before she goes too far."

"No! I don't want it to go that far. All I want is for her to leave me alone."

"I don't know your ex, but trust me, that might be the only way to get her to stop."

"I don't want to."

"Ona..." she sighs.

"I said no!" I persist.

For some reason, I just can't do that to Feli. Her past has never been great, but I'm not ready to send her to jail. Even after everything she's done to me, she was there for me for a long time. Maybe one day I'll be able to, but not now.

"Fine, but I won't let you set foot in Barcelona again."

My lips part at her unexpected decision. I don't even need to ask if she's joking, judging by the look on her face. Is she blackmailing me? I know her position as an instructor doesn't give her the right to forbid me from doing this, but she has influence over my weekend outings. She might even lie to keep me here.

"You're so wrapped up in your own world that you don't realize how serious this situation is. I won't let you go back home unless I know you're safe."

"Please, Luce, I've always come back, and there's never been any trouble."

"That was different. I would have thought twice if I'd known all of this. My decision is non-negotiable, and if you keep pushing, I'll be forced to talk to Wiegman."

"No, you can't do that!" I cry out. "I trust you!"

"This has nothing to do with trust, Ona ! To me, this girl is a dangerous psychopath. If you're not ready to take action against her, then I'll take action on your behalf, that's all."

I groan in frustration as I sink into the chair. I knew I wouldn't like her reaction, but forbidding me from going home? That's totally unexpected. I thought she'd be angry, but I didn't expect things to get so dramatic. Filing a complaint is still beyond me. My mom wanted me to do it back then, and I didn't. I hate to admit it, but I still care about her.

"Take your time to think about it. In the meantime, you won't be going home."

"This really isn't fair."

"If you keep complaining, you'll stay here alone instead of going back with me."

"Going back with you...?" I ask, confused.

I finally dare to look at her again and see her smiling softly at me.

"This situation isn't your fault... I said I wouldn't let you go home. But I didn't say you couldn't leave school... Since I promised to show you around the city, this could be a good opportunity."

"Oh... I thought you wouldn't do it."

"I will, but only if you get permission and I think you deserve it."

"So I won't be allowed to complain in that case...?"

"No," she smiles. "You'll have to be extra nice to me," she teases.

"I'll try," I say, rolling my eyes with amusement. "I really want that tour."

"I figured... Well, it's getting late. We should head back to our rooms."

"Yeah..."

Our conversation completely changed in a split second. I know she won't forget what she said, and she's only stopping because of the time. We put the chairs back in place, and she turns off the lights as we leave. We head back to her car, where we retrieve our things from the trunk. I remember at that moment that I have something that belongs to her.

"Wait."

"What?"

I put my suitcase on the ground to open it without spilling everything. Silly me, I put it at the bottom. Now I have to dig around to find it.

"What are you doing now?" she sighs.

"I didn't think it through," I chuckle. "Wait a minute."

I pull out her Christmas gift, trying not to mess up my suitcase. It's a bit tricky, but as long as I can close it again, I don't care.

"Well, I had to maneuver it a bit to fit it in the suitcase, but I managed. Mapi had a good laugh at me."

"What is it?" she frowns.

"Your Christmas gift, of course! Sorry, I ran out of wrapping paper and had to protect it somehow, so... here," I say, handing it to her.

I smile at her surprise. I watch as she takes the frame out of the bubble wrap. She frowns, not understanding my gift. I chuckle and come to her aid, unfolding the three square canvases I had fixed together with hinges to reveal the painting. It was supposed to be on a single vertical canvas, but I wouldn't have been able to transport it to Manchester that way. She smiles as she realizes what it is.

"It's the drawing from your sketchbook that I said I liked, right?"

"Yeah, but an improved version," I laugh.

I bought black canvases to paint a large dreamcatcher. In my sketchbook, it was done in pencil, but here I made it in rainbow colors, using mostly pale colors for the overall design and bright colors for the finishing touches. I finished it off with a white border and, of course, signed it with my name.

"You really didn't have to. It's beautiful. Thank you! You have such incredible talent. I'll hang it up when I get home," she smiles.

"It's nothing. It's all handmade."

She puts the painting back in her suitcase after wrapping it back in the bubble wrap. At least I was sure it wouldn't get damaged during the trip. I frown as she hands me a small box covered in wrapping paper.

"Since you gave me yours, it's time I give you mine."

"Really? I-I wasn't expecting anything..."

"Neither was I," she chuckles. "It's a Christmas gift, but also for your progress and because I really appreciate you, both as a student and as a friend."

My first instinct is to hug her. She laughs and returns the embrace. She then hands me my gift, and I take my time opening it. I feel like a little girl. The only gift I've received is the pendant from Mapi. My grandparents and my mom preferred to give me money since they don't necessarily know what I need. They'd rather I buy something I like than waste their money on something I might not use. I'm stunned when I see the ring. Not just any ring... the one I was looking at in the jewelry store. I don't even know how she knew it was the one. The price wasn't too steep compared to what a ring can cost, but still. She didn't hesitate to get it.

"You're crazy... How did you know it was the one?"

"You stared at it," she shrugs with a small smile. "Try it on to see if I got the right size. Otherwise, we'll have to go back together."

I slip it onto my right ring finger. I smile broadly as I extend my hand to admire my new ring, which fits perfectly. I play with it a bit to get used to it since I haven't worn one before. I move closer to Lucy to give her another hug, this time a thank-you hug.

"Thank you, really! I love it!"

"You're welcome. But it's getting late," she says, breaking the hug. "I don't want to make you miss curfew by staying here. We'll see each other tomorrow morning anyway."

"Will you check on us?"

"Of course, let's not break our habits."

"How long will you be my supervisor? I mean, I've calmed down, haven't I?"

I ask her as she closes the trunk. She locks her car before answering.

« Wiegman still thinks you're rebellious in class, and your frequent tardiness and poor grades haven't helped you much. I'll probably stay your supervisor for a little longer, maybe a month, or maybe less. It depends on how things go."

"So I should cause trouble to keep you as my supervisor?"

"I forbid you from doing that," she frowns. "You'll always have to deal with me, no matter what."

"Yeah, but others will be allowed to intervene."

"They know you're only going to listen to me, so don't worry about that."

I laugh, remembering the day Bright tried to deal with me. I had brushed her off without remorse, saying it wasn't her place. Sh was furious. I was lucky Lucy came along in time; otherwise, the situation would have escalated. We stop when we reach the spot between the two dormitories.

"Keep behaving well. You have your class council this week, and it's important. The comments count just as much as the grades for your wishes."

"I'm in deep trouble."

"Don't be so pessimistic, everything will be fine. Now go to bed, we'll meet tomorrow."

"Thanks for everything, Luce..." I say, playing with my ring. "Good night..."

"Good night, Ona."

I smile when she ruffles my hair before heading to her dorm. I watch her go inside before circling the building to reach the main entrance. I quickly make my way to my room, where Amexia is already in bed. At least I won't have to answer her questions. I grab some pajamas from my suitcase and head to the shower. I'll unpack tomorrow, given the late hour. When I finish showering, I go straight to bed. I'm so exhausted from the past few days that I fall asleep with no trouble at all.

[silent-stories]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐅𝐀𝐑 - 𝟗

Pairing: Eddie x F!Reader

Summary: In the morning you wake up next to Eddie and at school you get some (good) news.

Part 8

When you woke up, a few rays of sunlight entered your room announcing Sunday morning, your face was pressed against Eddie's chest and his arm was still around you, your legs were intertwined with his.

From there, you could tell his shirt smelled like smoke, leather and a bit of sweat too but it was Eddie's smell so you couldn't help but love it.

You raised your head slightly towards him, observing his still sleeping face and the little freckles on his skin: only when the sun hit his skin or when you were so close to him could you see them and you considered yourself lucky to be one of the few people that he could do it.

You reached out to brush a strand of curly hair away from his face and a smile appeared on your lips the moment he opened his eyes.

"Hi." You whispered.

"Hey." One corner of his lips curled up, his morning voice was deeper than usual and a little hoarse. "Your bed is really comfy, you know? I think I'll have to come back."

You laughed. "Just for the bed?"

You loved the way he jokingly always made up different excuses to come to your house: once it was because Bones missed him, the other it was because he wanted to eat your mom's food and this time for your bed.

You loved the stupid lies he told when you both knew he came there just for you and would have followed you anywhere just to be on your side.

"Mh-mh." He closed his eyes, leaning closer to leave a kiss on your forehead. "Just for the bed."

His lips were soft and that gesture was sweet.

You shook your head and rolled your eyes. "Tell me, what do you usually eat for breakfast?"

"Breakfast? It's kinda early for breakfast."

You glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table next to you. "Eddie, it's nine in the morning."

"Exactly." He pouted. "Sundays are for staying in bed at least until eleven."

You found yourself rolling your eyes again. "You didn't answer my question."

He made a gesture with his hand like to say it wasn't important. "Leftovers, what I find around the house. It doesn't really matter."

"It doesn't really matter?" You repeated, with a little too much melodramaticity which made Eddie chuckle.

"Okay, now I'll show you how to make a nice breakfast. We can make pancake or waffle. Or both." You sat up on the bed, ready to get up when Eddie's arm wrapped around your waist and you fell back onto the bed causing you to choke out laughing.

Eddie rolled onto the bed, settling on top of you but still being careful not to crush you under his weight and hid his face in the crook of your neck.

"I said it's too early." He mumbled, his breath against your skin was warm and pleasant.

"And I said I want to have breakfast." You huffed, knowing that even though Eddie couldn't physically see it, he knew about the smile on your lips.

"But cuddles..." It was little more than a whisper, but you heard it well and the smile on your lips only got wider.

Apparently the mean and scary Eddie Munson wanted to stay in bed for cuddles. Who would have thought that.

You brought a hand to his back, rubbing the space between his shoulder blades, causing a sound from him that sounded a lot like Bones' purr.

"Just five minutes, okay?"

His fingers found a spot where your shirt had slightly lifted and he slowly caressed your skin with his warm hand.

"Mh-mh."

You both knew five minutes would turn into two hours.

Monday morning, after spending a Sunday almost not believing what had happened the two days before, Eddie stood in the school parking lot, his back against the door of his van, waiting for you.

The feel of your lips against his already seemed like a distant memory even though the last kiss you had exchanged was while you were preparing breakfast the day before, since he already missed your mouth.

You tasted like coffee and homemade cookies and Eddie couldn't have asked for better.

The perfect way your body adapted to his as he lay on top of you, still half asleep and you played with his hair was unforgettable.

He still wondered what you two were now. If he could call you his girlfriend and if you were okay with that.

Hell, he didn't even know if he could kiss you in public.

Of course, you had always shown that you didn't care what people might think of you by hanging out with him and you reminded him every time you held his hand making him feel like a celebrity, but now it was something else.

Now we are talking about kisses and Eddie was afraid he'd do something wrong and screw everything up like he always did.

"Hey stranger!" Your voice brought him back to reality, taking him away from his thoughts and doubts.

You were wearing the same leather jacket, the one Eddie loved so much on you (like everything else you wore, in reality) and when he lifted his head to watch you walk towards him, you were already in front of him.

"Hey." He smiled at you.

You suddenly looked at him suspiciously. "Okay, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"There's something wrong with you today."

"And you get that from a "hey"?" Eddie asked with a chuckle, even though you were right. This was another thing he loved about you: you could understand him and read him like an open book, something that not many people could do.

It was beautiful and scary at the same time.

"Yeah, because I know you." You smiled slightly, looking into his eyes. "So?"

"What are we?" He asked abruptly, hoping for a specific answer he didn't dare say aloud.

"Whatever we are, I like it." You said, your voice calm and sincere.

Eddie got thoughtful. He liked it too but needed to hear it.

"Do you really want an answer?" You asked after a while, with a chuckle.

He nodded. "Please." It was just a whispered word.

"Well, I've been talking about you with my mom all weekend calling you 'my boyfriend', so..."

You didn't have time to finish the sentence because Eddie's lips were suddenly against yours and your back ended up pressed against the door of his van.

When he felt you smile against his lips and place a hand on the back of his neck he thought maybe, from that moment on he could kiss you in public without any problems.

"Holy shit, I knew it!" A voice made you part, Eddie's lips were slightly smeared with lipstick when you both turned to the boy who had interrupted your moment.

"Hey Henderson." Eddie waved at him with a grin on his face.

"Hi Dustin." You greeted him with an innocent smile.

The kid crossed his arms over his chest as if to scold you.

"I'm rooting for you guys but don't do gross stuff in the school parking lot okay?"

"Dustin!" You widened your eyes before bursting out laughing followed by Eddie.

He shrugged. "Just to be sure."

Eddie was still laughing when he wrapped an arm around your waist and pushed you closer as Dustin made his way to school shaking his head.

"You got some lipstick on your lips." You commented looking at Eddie's mouth.

"Where?" He asked with another smirk.

"Right here." You answered before making your lips meet again.

"You two are so freaking cute!" Robin exclaimed as she joined you in the school hallway just after Eddie had given you one last kiss on the cheek before heading to his next class.

"Are you spying on me now?" You nudged her as you grabbed the last book from your locker before shutting it.

"Can't I say my best friend and her boyfriend are cute? Hearing you talk about him like he's the love of your life for months without admitting you thought of him as more than a friend was exhausting."

So not only your mom figure out you liked Eddie before you admitted it, but so did Dustin and of course Robin. At that point, you wouldn't have been surprised if your math teacher told you that she knew it too.

You rolled your eyes. "Don't exaggerate."

"Trust me, I don't." She laughed as she took your arm as you walked to the English Literature class.

Walking down the hallway, you glimpsed a head of blond hair in the distance, its tall figure closing in on Jason's and disappearing into the sea of ​​students.

Aaron hadn't spoken to you since your last meeting and you were grateful for that, but if he said anything else to Eddie you were ready to step in.

"Oh, right. Did you hear the great news?" Robin asked suddenly, a note of excitement in her voice.

"Anyone getting married?" You shrugged, unaware of what she was referring to.

"Nope, Aaron is moving again."

You stopped walking all of a sudden, nearly crashing into freshman.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Fortunately, I'm not." She laughed. "I shouldn't be so happy but I can't help it, that guy is a total dick. They say his father has been transferred again, so they'll soon have to move. Some say he's leaving Hawkings next week."

You breathed a sigh of relief as you started walking again, as if you were grateful for that news, which wasn't far from reality.

"One less asshole to have around right?" You laughed as you entered the classroom.

It was also one less asshole between you and Eddie, but you didn't specify that.

A few hours later you and your classmates were getting ready to leave art class and you couldn't wait to see Eddie waiting for you in the hallway as he usually did.

When you realized that Aaron didn't seem to want to leave the class, you knew something was up.

"Can we talk?" He asked walking up to you just as you shouldered your bag and got ready to flee the classroom.

You huffed. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Please, just a minute." His usual toothy smile was not there, that time.

"Alright." You gave in, glancing at an empty desk without giving him the satisfaction of sitting down and making him think you wanted to have a long conversation with them. "You have just a minute."

"I wanted to tell you that I was an asshole." His words came out of the speed of light.

"I know."

"And those things I said were because I saw you were happy with someone else and I wanted you only for myself. So I made something up to get you away from-"

"Eddie. His name is Eddie." You completed his sentence, specifying his name before hearing the usual awful names they used to refer to him. "And I know. But that doesn't justify your actions."

The fact that he couldn't bear to see you happy with someone other than him was disgusting. You knew Eddie would have left you, if that was what you wanted, just to see you happy and that was one of the many big differences between the two.

Aaron nodded. "I'm moving soon so you won't have to see me again."

"I heard it."

He did the same, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for what I did. You're a good person, Y/N."

"I'm not sure I can say the same about you, but I like to see the good in people and I hope you learn from your mistakes. And make better friends than Jason."

Your gaze fell on the hallway just outside the class door and you saw Eddie leaning his back against the wall like he always did when he came to wait for you.

Aaron turned to him before resting his gaze on you again.

"I hope you'll be happy with him." You whispered.

"I already am." It was the last thing you said before turning around and joining Eddie in the hallway, there was no need for some kind of goodbye between you.

You felt Aaron's eyes on you as you grabbed Eddie's hand and walked away.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asked as he put his arm around your shoulders.

You smiled at the gesture. "Never been better."

Part 10 will be the last one!

Part 10

Tags: @jacklesdeanvessel @morning-sky7 @pipsqueakkitten @navs-bhat @michaelfuckinglangdon

Love you from afar tags: @capitanostella @enam3l @saramelaniemoon @ang3lb44by @einkitty @themorriganisamonster @esme-viridian @daisyridleyyyy @whenshelanded @eggo-segual @comfortcharactercraze @callmeyn @expiredcum21 @unholyyylita @squidscottjeans @twilight-love-nochu-main @idkatee @bakugouswh0r3 @amira0303 @greatpizzascissorstaco @ebonybloom @emxxblog @lunaryasha @cherryobx @jasminelafleur @magicalchocolatecheesecake @tracymbcm @harrypotter-imaginees @eli-flower @mrsjellymunson @tttttttttttts-things @miabiar @wayfaring----stranger @princess-eddie @omgshesinsane @littlestarfighter03 @zoeymunson @tanyaherondale @bl4ckt00thgr1n @thebook-hobbit @eris-rose-86 @ly17 @jenuhlyn @ximi1315 @avocadotoastwithegg @lomljigg @urdad-hot @1paire2vans @praline357

[obsidianbaby]

Don't Love Me Like A Brother - Prologue

Brothers Best Friend Series - PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1 -

series synopsis - ronnie's younger brother, tyler, is a famous youtuber & influencer and is best friends with the sturniolos. This series will be following ronnie's life as she befriends the triplets and catches herself developing feelings for a certain someone...

**series will contain smut as it develops but warnings will be added to those specific chapters

**found myself writing a few flashback chapters before present day just to build up the established friendships bc I'm impatient and don't want the slow burn to drain anyone 😭

warnings/notes - no smut in this as it's just the prologue to introduce y'all to the story.

a/n - starting this series and im very exciteddddddd i hope y'all fuck with a slow burn, friends to lovers best friends brother type beat. Buckle up mfs it's gonna be an angsty ride

a/n pt 2 - im not gonna share who ronnie develops feelings for just yet I want y'all to be on edge okok enjoy MWAH xx

__________________________________

PROLOGUE

ronnies pov

having a brother who's famous on social media is humbling to say the least.

The amount of fan girls who have followed my accounts just because they're obsessed with him makes me question many people's sanity (including my own).

But tyler is one of my best friends. And thank god for my dad, who from the jump, did not tolerate any misogynistic bullshit from my brother.

Raising two kids as a single dad after my mom passed away (before ty and I were older than the age of 5) was tough for him and he embraced the times when he needed support (like when i first got my period, bless his heart he bought almost every type of menstrual product off the shelf).

His values were the perfect structure for us to grow up following; respect, open communication, giving our best efforts to everything (even if the only effort we could offer up was a 60% instead of a 100%)

My childhood friends would always whine about how "chill" my dad was. And it's not cause he didn't care, (he probably cares too much) but he didn't want to shield us either, knowing we need to learn how to exist in the world without him constantly up our asses.

"As long as we can talk about shit at the end of the day then we're good" one of his favorite mantras he would spew to me and ty when we would get caught doing something you might call a "right of passage" as a teenager.

And since it was just the three of us, we've always leaned on each other a lot. Sunday family dinners at nans' every week, taking turns helping my dad at his shop after school (he's a car mechanic), movie nights every thursday night where my dad would close up shop early, setting up the projector in the shop garage and ordering us pizza. My brother has been a best friend to me since I held him in my arms at the age of 3 when he was born.

And of course, we have the usual chaotic fights to the death like most siblings do, him pranking me in the most annoying ways, me making fun of his dumbass, him eating all of my food, me stealing his cool clothes, him begging me to uber him around everywhere, etc.

But we also just really enjoy each other's company too; going on late night walks around town, sitting in bed staying up talking all night, playing mario cart for hours (id always kick his ass), going adventuring together to forests or beaches, hanging out at the skate park together (me laughing at him eating shit and him chasing me around trying to whack me with his board), us both ditching our friends to stay at home and yap to each other instead, us having campfires in the backyard with both of our friend groups together, working on restoring mom's 1967 ford mustang together that she left us when she passed.

So when he came to me a few years back, during the pandemic, asking my thoughts on him posting on youtube, I was in full support (after teasing him that no one would find him, an 18 year old lanky white boy about to graduate high school funny or interesting. I have to keep him humble ya know?)

But his first few videos on youtube went viral and his following kept growing daily, especially when he started posting on tiktok too.

He's had me (and even my dad) featured in his videos which i don't mind at all (since im the one that's editing them)

I can see why the internet loves him (i did help raise him of course).

But since he's hit over 3 million on youtube last year, he's been doing a shit ton of collabs with other influencers and youtubers; the sturniolo triplets, larray, emma chamberlain, jake webster, tarayummy, vinnie hacker, carrington, etc.

And these days I try to stay behind the scenes as much as possible, trying to enjoy my solitude away from the opinions of crazy fans. (why do they care so much about what im doing anyways?)

Yet he understands (thank god) and he's always inviting me to come hangout with the friends he's made through social media, and i can't lie and say i don't enjoy being in the company of such dope (and attractive) people.

END OF PROLOGUE

______________________________________________

a/n - hellooooo i have a few more parts already written for this but im gonna wait to see how this post goes first (because i have a dire need for validation and praise) anywaysssss thank you for reading mwah xx

[waxingrunes]

happy jesus sunday,

how do you think the conversation between wolfstar would go, when it comes to 'would u love me if i were still a raging worm' ? 'would u still be loyal to me'? 'would you stay married to me'?

like who would most likely ask it, how would it go, when would it be asked, would it be in the morning with coffee or pillowtalk, would crying be involved, would it be a one answer (etcetc). Please let me pick at and worm into ur brain (pun intended har har)

Happy Jesus Sunday indeed. I know this was from a couple Sundays ago, so I hope you’re still around.

I think Remus would be more concerned about the implications of Sirius’ safety if he were to become a worm. He would continue to ask questions and indulge the idea, just because he enjoys the way Sirius takes it very, very seriously and provides oddly thought out responses that feeds the impression he’s been holding off asking this for a while. The conversation could take place at any moment, no matter whether it was opportune or not; if they were in class and Sirius is bored he’d lean over and ‘hey, Moony—’, or if it were after schooling years, I could see Sirius standing there looking a bit lost in thought but it’s the type of daze that Remus knows ends in a question, so he, ‘what is it Sirius.’

“What do you mean there would be a lack of substance?”

“Sirius, how would we hold a conversation.”

“I don’t know, isn’t there worm language? Sign language? WSL?”

“Worms don’t have hands.”

“Well they must communicate in some way. Wiggle a certain way or something.”

“Perhaps, but in this scenario you’re the only one who’s a worm so you can wiggle, but I still won’t understand you”.

*silence*

…

“Our love should transcend words you should understand me on a soul level, your argument is void”.

“Okay baby.”

“Okay.”

“What about the more carnal desires, how would w—“

“You’re already thinking about cheating on me?!”

Sirius is definitely the one more likely to ask because he may be one of the sharpest kids on the block but his brain also works in ways even Remus can’t figure out, and would regularly pose hypothetical situations. Remus, is more logically thinking around facts and stats, whereas Sirius, although he is very much the same when it comes to important situations and is action orientated (if not sometimes a little too much) his imagination does roll out a little far into silly scenarios. And his silly side is rife at times. It has to be, because James Potter is his best friend.

[gyuv1nist]

you belong with me

sung hanbin x reader

you sat on the bleachers watching the football team practice for the big game which was coming up. the sun beat down, casting long shadows across the field as the team ran through exhausting drills. “it’s not like you to sit here and watch practice.” you looked to your left and saw your good friend, matthew, take a seat next to you.

“it’s not like we have any exams to be revising for.” you scoffed, crossing your arms.

“you’re here to watch him aren’t you?” he asked, shifting his focus onto you.

him?

sung hanbin is the kind of person who seems to have it all - looks, charm, intelligence, and talent. with a winning smile and a confident aura, he turns heads wherever he goes. but beneath the surface, there's so much more to him than the title of captain of the football team or school president. he's always there for his friends and loved ones, offering support and encouragement when they need it most.

“was it obvious?” the question came through a laugh as you leaned back and finally take a look at your best friend.

“is the window not enough for you?” he joked, earning a light whack on the back of his nape.

hanbin was your neighbour. you found out when the moving truck was a bit too loud one sunday morning, but you were quick to receive an apology from the boy with a box of homemade pastries. although you were yearning to go back to your bed, your parents invited him in and made you guys talk. you were quick to learn that he was going to start in your school and major in the same subject as you.

after a long talk, you returned to your room and sat at your desk, unable to get his smile out of your head. it lights up his entire face, filling the room with warmth and joy. it's the kind of smile that's contagious, making you feel happy and at ease. you just met the boy and you’re already falling for him?

you pushed yourself towards the blinds, wanting to let some sunshine in. but you find yourself smiling at what you find once you open them. the handsome boy was smiling, holding up a sheet of paper at his window.

[do u wanna walk to class together on monday?]

you fought back a smile as you shook your head at his action and rummaged around for a notepad and pen.

[gimme one good reason why i should]

[you don’t have to ofc! but i feel like it would be nice!]

and from then on, the two of you hit it off. everything about him made you want him to be around you more and more. sure, it was the little things, like holding the door open or making sure you were walking on the side furthest from the cars. but also he learnt your coffee order and brought you it weekly, and always brought a spare hoodie on the cooler days since you weren’t the best at dressing according to the weather.

at ungodly hours of the morning, you found yourself sitting at your window (in a growing pile of paper) giggling at the boy who was across from you. it got to the point where you went to drink from your body spray.

[those aren’t supposed to be consumed silly]

[anything can be if you try hard enough]

you would never forget the way he would laugh at your weird remarks. the way his eyes would light up before he leant back and chuckled, one hand on his chest.

at last, you were finally happy to wake up at 8:30 sharp every morning. until you slowly realise you weren’t the only person whose order was in hanbin’s list. and slowly, those after-class visits to the arcade, art gallery or even just the walks to and from class were becoming slim to none. by the time you got into bed, hanbin hadn’t left a message for you on his window.

the days when it went from bad to horrendous were still clear in your mind and to stop seeing those horrible days you decided to not show up at all. maybe it got to the point where you forgot you still had company other than hanbin that would stay by your side. after a series of knocking, you mustered up the strength to go to the door and find matthew standing there, eyebrows all furrowed, with kamden and jay standing right behind him. (i miss the english trio fr)

“why are you here?”

“we came to make sure you were okay.”

you were anything but okay and they could see it from the way you look defeated, not even able to lie your way out of it. you felt like it shouldn’t have even affected you that much, even going as far as to thinking that you should’ve seen it coming. why was it so easy to fall in love with him?

the point at which it got even worse was when you all decided to go to the friendly football game after your respective classes. it was the day you saw him with someone else.

“i heard she asked him out for prom,” you said, the words barely coming out as a whisper. the sight made you sick to your stomach but there wasn’t really anything you could do- she was perfect. popular, rich, the centre of the cheerleading squad and there wasn’t a moment where a hair was out of place.

“apparently he didn’t accept her, something about it not feeling right?.” kamden muttered, watching as the cheerleader walked away from hanbin towards the sidelines.

which makes you remember the day when you finally did talk to hanbin again.

it was a boring, gloomy day.

the rain aimlessly bounced off your window whilst you were listening to music. hoping that the minimal light would at least make you feel the slightest bit better, you opened the blinds and were shocked to see hanbin sitting on his bed. his eyes trailed up and you felt your heartstrings pull as you fail to see the soft glimmer which would shine through his pupils.

[you ok? :(]

your friends would kill you if they knew how fast you grabbed your notepad and marker pen.

[just tired of drama]

[sorry :(]

his lips pressed into a line as he shrugged, barely being able to muster up a smile. the words on your notepad echoed in your head again and again as you stared at them, your heart beating at an unhealthily fast pace.

by the time you mustered up the courage and held it up, his blinds were shut. you could only blame yourself now.

after all those times when you would sit at the back of the lecture hall talking about his favorite songs, the way you would sit and let him ramble on about his dreams, the fact that you knew exactly what to say to make him laugh when he was about to cry- you at least expected hanbin to acknowledge the fact that there was a bond between the both of you with overwhelming chemistry.

you were dreaming about the day when he would wake up and find that you were what he was looking for.

but now you were convinced it was all your fault. maybe if you had confessed earlier, you wouldn’t have lost him and just maybe, that he would belong with you.

it’s now the night of prom and after rejecting a promposal or two, you’re left in your room with your stuffed animals and netflix rolling in the background. you keep your blinds open, praying that hanbin would show up for at least a few moments.

and those prayers were answered.

[are you coming tonight?]

[no :/ staying in ]

[wish you were]

you smile and roll your eyes jokingly, standing up to get a hoodie to bunch up in during this long night. whilst scanning the wardrobe for something nice and warm, your eyes lay on the dress which you had planned on wearing to prom (in the event that hanbin did ask you out).

you turn your head and your vision focuses on the piece of paper which lays alone on the desk before your eyes land back on the dress.

and you had never gotten ready so fast before. you usually hated gut feelings, but there was something that was telling you to suck it up and just tell hanbin your true feelings. your brain was done with the frustrating questions which you constantly ponder on.

just why can’t he see that you are the one who understands him? the one who’s been here all along?

hands desperately grasp the piece of paper as you run down the stairs, a rush of adrenaline now surging through your body. you slam the door shut and run towards the road, managing to flag down a taxi and scurrying inside, wondering how the taxi driver even understood the clump of words that came out of your mouth.

as you step out you curse the adrenaline for stopping now, the moment you had to walk in with eyes all over you, the moment which could end up in total humiliation. you push past sweaty bodies, looking for the one who had stolen your heart.

“hey oh my god! i thought you weren’t coming!” you mutter a phrase of relief as you saw jay standing there, eyes wide with shock. “you look gorgeous!”

you smile at your friend before remembering the sole reason why you showed up in the first place. “hi jay! you look amazing but i’m in a massive rush right now i’ll explain everything after but please tell me you know where hanbin is.” once again, your words almost come out all fast and breathy, eyes scanning the whole room.

the corner of his lips rises as his eyes dart straight past your head, with your body following suit. “i think you’ll find your man standing right there.”

and at the moment, everything but you and the figure standing in front of you drowns out. when he finally notices you, he slowly makes his way over, his eyes locked on yours.

the intensity of his gaze was strong but delicate as if he was seeing you for the first time and taking in every detail. as he draws closer, you can smell the sweet cologne he's wearing, the scent filling your senses and making you feel dizzy with desire.

“you came?”

you want to express how you feel- to tell him how much he means to you, shit you feel like screaming it, but the words simply won't come. as hanbin’s eyes glaze over with concern you can feel the weight of your unspoken thoughts becoming heavier and heavier. so instead you reach into your purse and pull out the folded note which would put all your emotions into one phrase perfectly.

i love you

if you could fall into a pit of darkness now, you would.

on the other hand, hanbin can feel the warmth spreading through his chest, a wave of euphoria. he wants to tell you how he feels, to hold you in his arms and never let go, how he’s so stupid to take this long to realise you were the one for him, but he's afraid that he'll mess everything up. so he reaches into his blazer pocket, pulls out a piece of paper and opens it.

i love you

he knows that he's found the missing piece of his heart. he takes your hand, pulling you close to him, and he can feel the beat of your heart matching his own. in that moment, hanbin knows that he's found something special, something worth fighting for. and as he looks into your eyes, he realizes that he's in love with you, completely and irrevocably.

the familiar sight of hanbin’s eyes filling with nothing but love had never been so beautiful.

and before you know it- he leans in, his heart pounding in his chest, and presses his lips to yours. it's a soft, gentle kiss, filled with all the emotions hanbin had been holding back for so long. and as he pulls away, he knows that he's found something truly special - a love that will last a lifetime.

“i should be mad at you for how long it took you to see that-

“i belong with you? yeah i know- and i’m really sorry. but let me make it up to you.”

and for the first time (but most definitely not the last) you watch the sunrise from the same window, finally where the both of you belong.

—————————————————————————————

a/n : i am truly sorry for the lack of updates :( it’s exam szn for me so i’m constantly drowning in revision but i finally managed to finish this hanbin fic!! OBVIOUSLY its based off of you belong with me (taylor’s version ofc) and i tried my best to use the song as plot!!

i hope you enjoy this, mwah i love u all

- minah!

[laineystein]

I am genuinely curious - what is your opinion on practicing streams of Judaism? (Orthodox vs conservative vs reform vs Reconstructionist). I’m aware there are Israelis have the opinion that diaspora Jews- especially Americans, are Jew(ish), and not necessarily Jewish, if that makes sense? I know there are asshats that get quite nasty towards Israelis and I find that to be disgusting.

Me personally, I always found that to be very hurtful. I’m American, grew up Reform. In the sanctuary part of the Temple, we had two flags positioned on each corner of the sanctuary in the front: one was American, one was Israeli. My Rabbi, my Cantor, and my Sunday school teachers raised us to believe Israelis are distant cousins. Different but similar ideas, customs etc, but all part of the same family. So when 10/07 happened I (like many diaspora Jewish people), were shaken to the core.

And no matter what my personal issues are about the process of the military operation, and Bibi and his govt, I wish and hope everyone stays as safe as they can be while trying to get the hostages out and destroy Hamas.

So I was just wondering what your thoughts are about the clashes between the different streams of practice. I always feel that now is not the time to argue about who is or isn’t more Jewish. We are all feeling the after effects of what Hamas did, and the anti semitism that it has sparked. Once we have peace, then people can debate and bicker if they wish (but I really hope less of us do that). ♥️

So I contemplated how (or if) I’d answer this because I really think Am Yisrael needs ahavas chinam right now and I don’t want to do anything to promote sinas chinam. But I think you can disagree with something and still respect it and show love for your fellow Jews who may practice differently than you do and I think that *is* Ahavas chinam.

So I’d just ask that just as I’m affording respect to others who are different that people respect my view points as well.

So here we go…

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. Even antizionist Jews, those are still Jews. Even atheist Jews, those are still Jews. I do believe in matrilineal inheritance of Judaism but I’m not going to treat someone differently if their father is their only Jewish parent and they were raised Jewish. It is not my place to say who is Jewish and who is not; I can have my viewpoints but ultimately I am not a Rav.

I was raised orthodox. I didn’t meet a “reform” Jew until med school (which was the first time I ever went to school with goyim) — the denominations you’re referring to are mostly western constructs. There are a few reform shuls in Israel but they’re not as common as they are in America. I am going to be very honest with you and share that many reform practices make me incredibly uncomfortable. Do I think that people that practice them are any less Jewish? Absolutely not.

As someone who spent half of their life in the diaspora (albeit in very Jewish communities with little contact with goyim) I absolutely do not subscribe to any belief that diaspora Jews are any less Jewish. That’s abhorrent. I don’t personally know any Israelis that believe that but I’m sure they exist. All Jews, regardless of their location, are valid.

I will say that it is interesting to me to hear that your teachers referred to Israelis as “distant cousins” - all of am Yisrael is a single tribe. I would only ever refer to a fellow Jew as a brother or sister regardless of whether or not they lived in Israel or the diaspora. It seems there might be some anti-Israel bias in that teaching, which is unfortunate. And it’s amusing because your question insinuates that Orthodox Jews and Israelis are less accepting of reform Jews and diasporic Jews and that’s interesting to hear because my experience has always been the exact opposite.

But in Israel we have similar issues where our religious communities spar with our less observant communities. It was very apparent in our most recent elections and the protests that followed. I find myself existing in both communities and it can be challenging sometimes. Some of my secular friends do have negative attitudes toward more frum communities. Those same frum communities may look down on my more secular friends. Because I do and always have existed in both groups I see both sides. I think both of these black and white attitudes are a chillul hashem and will get us nowhere.

But bottom line, how a Jew lives their life and their relationship with Hashem is none of my business. You do you; Jew do Jew.

(This was kind of all over the place and there’s a lot of tangents I actually *didn’t* go down believe it or not so if you want some clarification, feel free to ask. Or you can DM me and I’m happy to chat about it that way too.)

[toriaurorawriter15]

I Can See You Chapter 5: Family Support

Ture by Spandau Ballet enters Colin's ears when his navy blue eyes see her for the first time in years.

The only word he could use to describe Penelope Featherington is the Greek Goddess Venus.

Gah, Colin misses her red curls. Yet her eyes still alternate like the meditation ocean, with multiple shades of blue, constantly changing depending on her mood.

According to his two eldest brothers, Anothy and Benidenct, she has been Eloise's best friend since high school, but his sister warned everyone in the family that he isn't allowed to meet her.

Colin wasn't sure why they obliged his sister's request until the day after her 18th birthday.

He remembers it being a cold November morning when Eloise asked everyone to be present at our mother's dining room table. She had an important announcement to make.

All fifteen members of their extended family were sitting on the longest family heirloom, with our mother at the right end of the table.

She always had us eat breakfast at her home before attending Sunday Mass as a family.

It was the one request our mother had for her family, and everyone knew they couldn't miss it unless an emergency occurred.

Colin can still picture Eloise fidgeting in her seat in front of him.

His second youngest sister couldn't stay still until Daphan had enough and shouted, "For goodness sake, Eloise, just tell us what you need to say!" in frustration.

Simon was next to her with their son Auggie Hastings on his lap. He was feeding his first son while trying to get him to eat his breakfast.

Everyone at the table stopped what they were doing to pay attention to their outspoken sister.

"Alright!" Elooise began, "I just don't know how to start this conversation."

Benedict teases Eloise by asking his sister, "Does this have to do with your crush on Pen-el-ope?" emphasizing her best friend's name in a sing-a-long ton.

A blush crosses her face from the question, while Daphne, Francesca, Hyacinth, and Kate "aww" in adoration at their baby sister's reaction.

Eloise immediately looked down at her table setting before glazing at their mother while confessing, "I am bisexual."

Simon chuckled at her confession, but he recovered by coughing as his wife Daphne gave him a deadly glare.

Everyone then turned their heads away from Eloise and waited for their mother's reaction to her daughter's announcement.

Anyone who comes from a catholic family knows that coming out is like being exiled.

Some parents kick out their children.

Others shun them.

And then some push said feelings aside because it is a sin in our religion and accept their faith rather than accepting themselves.

It is why so many people from the LBGT community despise the Roman Catholic community. They do not understand how difficult it is to come out without accepting the aftermath of their confession.

It is harder to decipher when you are taught and raised to believe that some of your beliefs are sinful in the eyes of the Lord.

Many people would say, "We are a disappointed bunch of homophobics." but not all of us feel this way.

There is a small population of Catholics who support those who dare to come out.

After hearing Eloise's confession, our mother, Violet, smiled at Eloise with pride from coming out to them and stated, "I wish I could protect you from the hate people will send your way, my darling. However, you do not need to worry. We will be there for you."

"Exactly," Anthony pipes in, " We, the Bridgetons, support all types of love. Our mother raised us to accept and respect others. We are to embrace ourselves. For every human is unique."

Daphane was next to support our sister, "Our home is always opening, Eloise.". Simon nodded in agreement with his wife.

Eloise sighed with relief as everyone took turns supporting her.

As for Colin, he would do anything for his siblings to find their happiness.

Therefore, Colin knew he couldn't get in between his sister's feelings for her best friend.

He isn't sure if they are together or not. But he is guessing that Eloise hasn't told Pen about her feelings.

Nevertheless, Colin Bridgerton wasn't blind.

Penelope Featherington is gorgeous.

And-- that dam black dress!

It enhances all of her curves perfectly, which causes him to want to break his promise to his sister and see her as more than a forbidden.

To prevent himself from being near Penelope Featherington, Colin decided to walk out the door with one text message,

10:30 pm Eloise. Hey sis! I am here. I will be waiting outside next to our Uber. Please come quickly. Thanks, Colin

The thirty-three-year-old walks out the club's door with hopes and doubts of keeping his distance from her.

Yet, he would never admit it to anyone.

Colin Bridgerton can see Penelope Featherington.

Previous Chapter

[eriquin]

The Trolley Problem, Part 46

Steve goes home and fesses up to his parents, to a point. He gets grounded for his trouble.

(master post)

Just like he expected, one of the white vans followed Steve home from the trailer park. They hung pretty far back, but there wasn’t enough traffic to lose track of them. He didn’t deviate from his route, though. That would probably have been suspicious. He really hoped that Wayne had told El where to hide in the woods, and would be able to find her after Hopper left. The idea of her alone out there scared him, even if she was probably safer there than anyone else would be.

His parents came to the door as soon as he parked his car. They were obviously upset. Steve sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to look contrite as he came inside. A glance up the street showed that the same white van was parking just down the block. It was too predictable.

Mom started talking first, not even waiting until he had taken his shoes off. “Where have you been?” she asked. “The police were here looking for you! They said something happened at the Holloways’ house? And there’s a huge dead spot in the grass in the backyard. What in the world is going on here?”

Steve looked towards the living room. “I mean, I can explain that,” he said. “Did the cops really not tell you anything?”

“They didn’t say anything, no,” Mom said. “Just that they needed to talk to you, and to look around the yard. Steve, what happened?”

“We called the school,” Dad said. “They said you were absent for the past two days. Son, you can’t just skip while we’re not home.”

Steve sighed and pushed his hair back from his face. Mom’s eyes went wide as she spotted the bandage on his hand. “Are you hurt? What did you do?” 

“This isn’t that big a deal,” he said, holding his hand up so she could look at it. He’d done a decent job keeping the bandages clean, despite the fact that it was on his hand, and it only hurt a little when he moved his fingers. “I cut it on Sunday. It’s fine.”

“I think you’d better start at the beginning,” Dad said, gesturing at the living room. Mom nodded, and they both waited for him to go first.

In his head, Steve was putting together a bunch of lies, and he hated it. He was going to be better at it this time, but it was the same basic thing that made his parents stop trusting him the first time around. At least this time, no one had disappeared from his yard, but the cops still came around and he wasn’t sure if it was going to be any better. He stuck to the version of events that didn’t involve any monsters or psychic girls or visions of the future. He cut his hand taking out the trash. The hospital trip kept him up late, so he stayed home from school the next day. He still felt gross on Tuesday, so he stayed home again, and his friends came over to hang out afterwards. They were in the backyard when Robin ran in. Something happened at the Holloways’, and there was something in the woods, but he didn’t have anything to do with it.

“And where were you all day today?” Mom asked. “Why didn’t you come home after school?”

He couldn’t tell if his parents were buying his story or not. They certainly looked suspicious. “It’s not just Heather and Kurt who are missing. A friend of mine hasn’t been to school since Monday, and I went to talk to his uncle about it. Then I helped him look for a little while. That was pretty much it.”

Mom and Dad were still frowning at him, and they asked a few more questions, but he had ready answers. He got that they were worried, what with cops coming by and something happening so close to home. The first time around, they had been aghast that Barb had disappeared from their yard. The story that the lab had encouraged was that she had run away. Steve had stuck to it as best he could, even if Nancy hated it. It seemed like the best idea at the time. 

His parents had known that he was lying about something, though. He wasn’t sure if they thought he had something to do with Barb’s death, or just couldn’t deal with not knowing, but they treated him differently afterwards. It got worse after the lab story came out, because he still claimed to not know anything about it. After that, he was pretty sure they thought he was on drugs.

When it became clear that he wouldn’t let them know any of his secrets, they started taking longer trips away, leaving him by himself in the house. It might have not been related, but it sure felt like it was related. They made another attempt at reaching out when it became clear that he wasn’t getting into college. Dad tried the tough-love tactic of making him get a job, and while he got a new best friend out of it, he also got caught up in yet another terrible thing that he had to lie about.

Something about it led to his parents fighting with each other about whose fault it was that he was caught up in Starcourt. They might have had some marriage problems before then, but it all disintegrated after that. He wasn’t sure what all the details were, since they didn’t talk to him any more than he talked to them. All he knew was that they were trying to make a fresh start away from Hawkins, and he wouldn’t leave. He was only staying in the house until they could sell it, and then he’d have to find his own place.

But that was his past, and their future. Now he could see them doing some kind of silent communication as they considered his story. They sent him up to his room, saying that they needed to think about it some more, but he was essentially grounded. 

“You’re going to school tomorrow, and then coming straight home,” Mom said. “No arguments.”

“I understand,” Steve said. He didn’t argue, but he didn’t say he agreed. The phrasing was deliberate. He hung his head like he’d been chastised and went up to his room to rest for a night. He was going to do whatever was necessary to deal with the Upside Down, and if it meant avoiding his house for the next few days, so be it. Especially now that he knew that Eddie was alive. 

The worst part of having to pretend to listen to his parents, though, was that he couldn’t call up Wayne and find out what happened to El. He hoped that he’d gone out to find her, even if he had to take Hopper with him. If nothing else, maybe she found her way back to the cabin. That was miles away from the trailer park, though.

Just as he was considering sneaking out of the house to try to find out what was going on, he heard a crackling sound from under his bed. It was distantly familiar. He ducked down to see a glowing light, and heard a voice from the speaker next to it, calling for someone to answer.

“Holy shit,” Steve said, pulling the walkie out from under his bed. He clicked it on to respond. “Dustin, is that you?”

There was a whoop from the other side. “You found it!” Dustin yelled. “I knew you’d find it if I left it under your bed. And you have to say ‘over’ when you’re done talking. Over.”

Steve snickered as he got up and started to pace. “Wait, when did you go into my room, you sneaky little shit?” He paused for a second, just long enough that he could picture Dustin getting annoyed at his lack of walkie etiquette. “Over.” 

Dustin groaned over the walkie. “Yesterday, duh,” he said. “You were supposed to update us on the situation with, uh...” He hesitated for a second. “With the cat we found. What happened? Over.”

He chuckled. The kid was smart enough not to use El’s name over walkies, which was useful. “Well, it got complicated. Actually, it’s a real problem right now. I’m kind of grounded? Over.”

“Oh, damn,” Dustin said. “Did your parents find the cat? Over.” 

“No, just the burned part of the yard. And I didn’t get home until late. Actually...” He thought about it for a second. “Can your walkies reach the Byers? Over.”

“Of course. I talk to Will all the time. What do you need? Over.”

“Okay so... The cat was supposed to stay with someone I know, but she got spooked and ran into the woods. And they’re looking for her, but I wanted to see if Jonathan could help. Over.”

“Holy shit,” Dustin said. “She’s lost in the woods again? Shit. I—” There was some rustling, and then Steve heard Dustin yell, “I’m doing my homework, Mom!” He snickered and waited until he got Dustin’s attention back. 

Eventually, the line cut back in. “Are you still there, Steve?” Dustin asked. 

“You didn’t say ‘over,’” Steve said. “Over.”

“Oh, very funny. Smartass.” Dustin’s annoyance made Steve giggle again. “Is now really the time to quibble over walkie etiquette when someone...‘s cat is lost in the woods? Over.”

“That’s why I want you to see if Jonathan can drive over to help my friend look,” he said. “Or call Tommy and get him to help. I can’t get to the phone without freaking out my parents. Over.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Dustin said. “I’ll do what I can. Leave it to me. Over and out.” 

It wasn’t much, but it put Steve’s mind at ease. Dustin would probably tell the other kids what was going on, but Will was smart enough that he would get Jonathan involved. If nothing else, Jonathan had a car and could go over to the trailer park to help Wayne look for El. Even if he had to lay low for a night, it was good to know that the people involved took him seriously. 

After he went to bed, he lay awake staring at the ceiling. The lights from the pool came in through the window with a rippling blue glow. His pool wasn’t cursed this time, but it still made him anxious. He shut the curtains and lay back down in the dark, thinking about how Eddie was stuck in the Upside Down version of his trailer. He knew what that looked like. It must have been terrifying to Eddie. He didn’t know how the boy was handling it. 

And he was a boy. That part stuck in Steve’s mind. He’d always assumed that Eddie was older than him, and banked on him being at least as responsible as Steve was, even if he didn’t act like it. But Wayne said he was fifteen, which meant that he was Nancy’s age. It meant that Steve had always been the oldest of their group, and he should have been responsible for him all along. 

In the dark, Steve rubbed his face and tried to stop thinking about it, but he couldn’t. It kept him awake until late.

Tagging: @neonfruitbowl

[whisper-my-serenade]

wayward son

a theoretical todd anderson origin story

word count: 5937

cw: non-consensual kissing, f-slur, period-accurate homophobia

Todd sat himself at the top of the staircase, careful not to make a sound lest his parents hear around the corner. They spoke in hushed, angered tones; they spat his name like that of a plague. It was as if he was a misbehaving dog that they couldn’t put down, but some other form of containment had to be found. In that moment, he might have preferred if they just shot him Old Yeller-style.

“Aren’t there religious places we can send him? Places that are equipped to deal with things like this?” his father was saying, exasperated. 

“No, no, everyone knows those don’t work. Besides, people would ask too many questions about where he’s gone,” his mother huffed. He thought it surprising that she was against a religious school, seeing as she was the one who dragged them all to church every Sunday. 

His father sighed, the heavy, long thing that Todd knew he did as a quiet way of telling people to shut up and do whatever he said. “We’re running out of options, Lorraine. We need somewhere that will keep him in line. A military school, maybe?”

“Ha!” his mother cracked. “Could you imagine? He’d be crushed like a bug.”

There was a stiff moment of silence. Todd could feel the heavy, humid summer air creep through the open windows. 

“Why don’t we just send him to Welton?” his mother suddenly replied, and Todd inhaled sharply, almost breaking his silence with a yelp. Please, anywhere but there.

“You can’t be serious,” his father retorted. “After what he’s done? You remember why we didn’t send him there in the first place, don’t you?”

“There’s no better place to get him in line and make sure he gives our family a good name. That’s what that school was made for. Besides, his grades are up enough, I think.”

“I don’t know. He’s not really the Welton type, is he?”

“Do you have any better ideas, Robert?”

Todd waited for the reply with bated breath. Even then he could feel his future being determined right in front of him. 

“Oh, I suppose not. It’s as good a school as any.”

☽ ☼ ☾

Todd Anderson was, at Balincrest, a leper. He was quiet, anxious, had a bad stutter and some awkward nervous ticks that made the other boys call him names usually reserved for asylum patients. But Todd was not a fun target—he had something most other boys his age lacked, that being the emotional maturity to know when to not rise to the bait—and for the most part he was left on his own, reading his infinite novels in some dark hovel and completing his schoolwork silent and alone in a corner of the common room. The teasing, when it did come about, didn’t bother him much because he was as aware of his faults as anyone and no one could punish him for them as he already punished himself. For some reason, though, the one that got to him the most was ‘mute’. It was not that he couldn’t talk, it was that there was no one in the world he felt he could talk with.

Ever since he was a small child, people had very few good things to say about Todd. With his parents, it was always some form of inferiority to his brother, a high cliff of a standard he could never quite climb to the top of. Gone were the days of the two boys dressed in matching outfits, playing games of knights and dragons in their grandparent’s sprawling backyard; now it was only Jeffrey did this and you didn’t. Going to different schools meant Todd only saw glimpses of his brother in the summer, when his primary job was staying out of his family’s hair. Todd didn’t know what Jeff thought about the matter. He also didn’t care.

Todd never particularly excelled in school, either. He was shown to be reasonably bright in class, and was always reading far above his grade level, but his test scores were horrendous, and, worse yet, he failed every presentation he was ever assigned because he simply could not do them. His throat would close up, lungs gasping for air he seemingly could not find, and his mind spun recklessly out of control, trapping him in a distant subconscious where he could not be reached for anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour. To his parents, the attacks were another form of embarrassment. Not only was Todd not as smart or socially skilled as his brother, he was also mentally diseased. When he was a child, he’d often sought the comfort of his parents when his mind slipped away from him. But he was sixteen now, and knew better. The Andersons always chose to suffer alone.

That wasn’t to say he had no skills whatsoever. In his younger years he wrote wildly imaginative stories, taking bits and pieces of all the children’s fiction he read to create new worlds of his own to escape to. He wrote little now, burnt out from years of essay writing, but still read ferociously all manner of literature, from low-brow science fiction to the most classical of poets. And, if nothing else, he was quite a good soccer player.

It wasn’t that he enjoyed the game—far from it—he just happened to have the skill and anger needed to push his way to the top. Of all the nicknames he was called, no one ever called him sensitive, because he could kick circles around any other player at the school and glare at them like an angry watchdog as he did it. It was a way of release, maybe, but an unfortunate one, because if Todd hated anything, it was having eyes on him. 

Which is why when he ended up on Balincrest’s varsity team his sophomore year (the only one, at that), it filled him with such immense dread that the school nurse thought he’d caught the flu. His first day in that locker room, suddenly surrounded by burly, sweaty upperclassmen who joked about shotgunning beers and assaulting women (another area where Todd lacked expertise), was one of the most unpleasant experiences of his life, and when the coach asked if someone would volunteer to spend a few minutes after practice packing up the equipment, Todd leapt at the chance. Anything to get out of that humid, musky room for a few minutes longer. Too many eyes.

☽ ☼ ☾

Todd had never spoken to Isaac Parker in his life. Isaac was junior, handsome, with golden blonde hair and warm hazel eyes that had the unique ability to convince girls that he was somehow different from every other reckless, immature teenage boy that tried to wiggle their way into their hearts (and skirts). He was also a favorite among the staff, but in that friendly, charismatic way that kept the name “teacher’s pet” off his back. Everyone knew he was destined to be the soccer team captain his senior year, because God had never made anyone else so perfectly for the job. The sun smiled upon this boy. 

It was a spring evening, one of the first warm ones after a brutal northeast winter, that their paths first crossed. Practice was wrapping up, and Todd was skirting off to the side of the field to begin his now usual job of cleaning up when, from over the field, he heard Isaac’s melodic voice joking with the coach and a word of thanks for his help in response. Suddenly, Todd was not alone with his stack of cones. Golden boy Isaac was there, too, an Apollo next to a cowardly mortal. 

Balincrest’s sports equipment shed was a small thing with a corrugated metal roof that pinged like a glockenspiel when it rained and had bits of chipped-off white paint lining the ground underneath it. Inside, it smelled of wet wood and stale sweat and was barely large enough to accommodate more than one person. The boys worked wordlessly stringing the practice equipment to the walls, the close confines meaning Todd was cautious with his every step so as not to draw the attention of the leader. The single bare lightbulb above them flickered as a moth wove its way around and around.

Todd was suddenly aware of the stillness behind him, and when he finished his job and turned around, he found Isaac staring at him with an unreadable expression. Todd suddenly felt an immense weight in his chest, a giant, red-hot star on the verge of bursting. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, Isaac took both sides of his face in his hands and pressed their lips together.

It was a searing, burning feeling. Isaac’s hands and mouth were hot and slick, their noses crashing together as Todd tried and failed to stumble backwards, caught by surprise. Isaac held him there for an unbearable moment before releasing, keeping his eyes closed for a second longer as if reveling in the feeling. Suddenly they burst open, and in the dim glow of the bulb, looked black and full of rage. Todd’s own eyes were stuck wide, breath frozen in his throat. 

The silence was deafening. Isaac suddenly crowded him up against the wall of the shed, burning fingerprints into his arm as a stern hand pointed into his face. “You say a word, you’re dead, got it?”

Todd nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak. 

☽ ☼ ☾

After Isaac left Todd with his mouth gaping in the shed, he apparently didn’t go back to the locker room, which Todd was unbelievably thankful for. There was an uncomfortable stillness in the empty room, and Todd felt like he had to constantly keep moving as he showered just to break the sensation. He watched the water wash away all the sweat and memories of touch from his body—the pink bruises forming on his arm, the gently protruding lines of his ribs, the soft, unaltered beating of his heart underneath them. He suddenly smashed the porcelain tile of the shower with his fist, leaning his head into his arms as hot tears began to well in his eyes.

It had been his first kiss. He might have been ashamed if there was anyone to ask him about it, but it wasn’t really that fact that made the embarrassment burn so hot in his chest so much as the fact that it had been a boy. And he hadn’t hated it, not like he should have.

His mother liked to say he was a ‘late bloomer’ and he would find his way into the arms of the fairer sex one of these days, but Todd knew well and good that he’d grown up faster than most and that girls did absolutely nothing for him. It wasn’t that he didn’t have “urges”—he, like nearly every other teenage boy, had his moments in the quiet of his bedroom or the roar of a shower—but he could never picture the face of another person in those moments, only the vague outlines of strong, square bodies and the calloused touch of large hands. If there was a word for this, he did not know it. Or maybe he did, and his mind just refused to connect them. 

He knew what he ought to do: go straight to the coach or the dean and declare what had happened to him, denounce Isaac’s actions with all the fervor and rage he deserved. It was violating, dehumanizing, and, in the eyes of the general public, outright wrong. Todd had done nothing. 

And yet a small voice tugged in the back of his head, asking the same question over and over. Why me? Had Isaac picked his target at random? Did he calculate his odds and decide Todd was the least likely to speak out? Did he just assume that because he was younger, he would be easier to push around and bully into silence?

Or could Isaac tell, in the deep, shameful way that social pariahs connected with each other? Was it something Todd had done that had given it away? How he sat with his legs crossed, like his father scolded him for? The books he read? The names he was called? His incessant loneliness? If he were to tell someone, would they know it, too?

Todd turned off the shower and held still for a moment, letting the water pool and drip off his limbs. He wouldn’t say anything—couldn’t. He couldn’t bear the shame of it, if word got out. He didn’t care for faggot and fairy to be added to the list of things he was called. And what would his parents say? The Andersons could never have a queer for a son. It was bad enough that he liked to read. 

There were different levels of leprosy at Balincrest: those that got you teased, and those that got you killed. Given the option, Todd would choose to stay in his current group, thank you very much.

☽ ☼ ☾

The next time it happened, Isaac didn’t say anything. It lasted longer, a tongue poking out and searching for leverage, but finding none. Todd inhaled the scent of sweet, fresh sweat mixed with cologne, his lips fighting the urge to give in and see what he could get out of this. It was not a mutual relationship. It was not. 

He walked back to his dorm that night to the abject chatter of lonely crickets from the woods, the spring moon high and gleaming above him. His heart was still pounding and his skin felt cold where Isaac’s fingers had gripped it. Todd didn’t think he’d ever been held so firmly. 

There was a part of him that was almost thrilled by it. There was no denying that Isaac had good looks and a movie-star charm, and if Todd had been a girl, he would surely be internally gloating for winning the boy’s affections above all the others. For all the times he’d seen his brother down far too much liquor or try to sneak a girl in through his bedroom window and never understood the appeal of the risk, Todd now felt he understood why teenagers pushed boundaries the way they did—there was adrenaline in it, a high that came with getting away with something. He’d never before had the chance to kiss a boy, and probably never would again. His father might call it “getting it out of his system”, as he did with Jeffrey’s various misdemeanors. And if it was to forever remain his dirty little secret, then so be it. Surely there were far worse things. 

☽ ☼ ☾

The longer it went on, the more routine it became. They put the equipment away in silence, not touching or looking at each other, and then Isaac would go still, and Todd would take it as his que to turn around and allow himself to be grabbed and pushed however Isaac wanted him. They would kiss for a few minutes (maybe longer, maybe shorter; Todd discovered that one lost a sense of time when doing a thing like that) and then Isaac would release him, avoiding his gaze, and flee the scene of the crime. Todd would leave a few moments later, shower, and gaze at the moon as he walked back to the dorms. 

☽ ☼ ☾

The end came on a hot May day, the air still steamy even as the sun lowered in the horizon and sent beautiful orange beams across the brick walls of Balincrest. Campus was filled with the inspirited feeling of summer closing in around them, and the boys grew restless as the last agonizing weeks of school crept by. The soccer team played their best season in years that year, with Isaac as the star of the show and Todd as the overlooked secret weapon. Todd discretely smiled to himself when the coach told him it was a role he played well. 

It was one of the final practices of the season, and Todd almost dreaded it being over. There was a part of him that enjoyed being someone’s secret, and now the normal loneliness that came with being in his empty house all summer came with the added notion that he was losing his source of romantic gratification as well, as little romance as there was involved. He would miss the smell of the boy so close to him, the firm touch of his hands, the furtive glances Isaac would throw him when he thought no one else was looking. But Todd would get used to the loneliness, as he always had. And summer would end, as all things did, and Todd and Isaac would enter each other’s orbits once again.

After practice was over, they went quickly to their usual routine. Maybe the approaching vacation was affecting Isaac, too, because he seemed rougher, pinning Todd a little tighter to the wall and parting his lips with a little more force. It was sloppy and quick, as if time was running out.

It took a moment for them to react when the door of the shed opened, but when they did, the effect was immediate and brutal. Isaac jumped back, shoving at Todd’s shoulder as if to push him away even though Todd was already as close to the wall as he could get. “Get off me, fag!” he shouted, his melodic voice unfamiliar in such harsh words. Todd seemed unable to speak, turning towards the stunned coach in the doorway and hoping his shocked, pained face spoke for him. He lies. I didn’t ask for this.

☽ ☼ ☾

Todd watched Isaac’s parents approach the building from where he’d been locked in the infirmary all night. Their parents couldn’t come in for a meeting so late in the evening, but it was decided that the boys could not be trusted amongst the general population of the school, so they were sequestered at opposite ends of the building with only the occasional staff member for company. Both the dinner and breakfast that had been brought for him lay untouched on their trays. He’d been far too sick that night to eat.

He sank away from the window before he could see his own parents walk up, and counted the seconds between his breaths to fill the time until someone came to guide him to the dean’s office. It was an old trick some childhood doctor had taught him in a fruitless attempt to ease his anxious mind, but if nothing else it was good for giving him something to focus on until the worst of the misery was over. In-1-2-3-4-5. Out-1-2-3-4-5.

“Todd?” the nurse’s fluttery voice rang as the door to the informatory opened with a creak. Todd startled, tripping over his chair to stand and follow her down the quiet stone corridor. As they walked, she kept turning to him with her mouth opening and closing like a fish, as if she had something she wanted to say but couldn’t quite figure out how to word it. That made two of them. 

Todd had never been to the dean’s office, but his mind was incapable of taking in the details of the room as his sight narrowed in on the stern faces of his parents waiting for him. Isaac had beaten him there, sat next to his own mother and father on the far side of the room, gaze turned firmly down. Todd stood in the doorway for a moment, daring him to look up, before a hand forced his shoulder down into the chair that awaited him. 

The dean was a relatively young man, maybe in his mid-forties, with a clean-shaven face and sharply receding hairline that his horn-rimmed glasses did nothing to conceal. The soccer coach stood behind him, deep sadness on his face as he met Todd’s eye. He was probably as disappointed with this whole situation as anyone.

“Well, now that we’re all here, I suppose there’s no point in beating around the bush about the purpose of this meeting. I was told you were all briefed on the situation last night?” The dean asked, nodding towards the two sets of parents in front of him. 

“Yes,” came a small chorus, only Todd’s mother turning to look disapprovingly at her son. 

“Good,” the dean replied, pushing his glasses up on his nose as was his habit. He folded his hands and placed them on his impossibly tidy desk. “Now, we here at Balincrest of course do not in any way approve of such behaviors among our students, but I think you would all agree with me in saying that it’s in the best interest of all for this matter to stay strictly confidential.”

Four heads nodded.

“We wouldn’t want this to become a scandal even within the student body, because things get leaked and the like, so we need to forge a path forward that results in adequate discipline while also keeping gossip to a minimum.”

Todd deeply wished that his mother would stop staring at him with her piercing blue eyes. Her gaze pierced his skin and made him feel like salty sea water was flowing through him instead of blood. He tried to focus on the dean’s words, but could feel the panic rising in his stomach. 

“I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say that it’s not sensible for the both of you to stay at this school,” the dean went on, glancing between Todd and Isaac, only one of whom was actually looking at him in return. “I’m not at liberty to say whether one or both of you were truly at fault for what happened here, but I can assure you that this matter will not end up on your permanent record regardless of what path we decide upon.” The dean directed his gaze at the crown of Isaac’s lowered head. “Now, Mr. Parker, I know the stakes are pretty high for you. Next year’s soccer captain, a chance at valedictorian, a full ride to Duke, I hear…”

Todd’s father now also turned to him, indignation on his face, and Todd suddenly understood what was going to happen. He would be expelled from Balincrest (not in so many words, of course) not because it was his fault, but simply because Isaac had more to lose. Balincrest could handle losing a mute leper with no connections, but could not handle losing its golden boy. He also realized in that moment that nothing he could possibly say mattered anymore. Any chance he had at redemption was lost when he did not fess up after the first incident. 

The adults kept talking, Isaac’s mother even jumping in in defense of her son, but Todd had stopped listening. He’d never felt so small, so useless, such a burden on everyone else around him. He was a fool for thinking this would never come back to bite him—his ability to be invisible only lasted as long as his ability to keep his head down. No wonder his parents couldn’t seem to stand being around him: he was too dumb to even get away with the smallest of infractions. Jeffrey had the charisma to make his misbehavior seem natural, fun, misguided but ultimately entertaining. Todd was not charming enough to get away with anything, not smart enough to choose a fault that was not so taboo, not wise enough to keep from being a stain upon his family’s good reputation. He would be, from that day forth, forever marked by them as a mistake, a printing error on the Anderson family tree, a pariah, a leper. Ghosts, though invisible, were difficult to forget. 

☽ ☼ ☾

Todd’s mother came into his room without knocking to get his laundry, though he’d been home for only a few hours. She couldn’t stand a single inch of the house to be untidy. 

Todd was curled on his bed with his old beat-up copy of The Secret Garden, wishing the story could whip him away to a magical alternate universe as it had when he was a child. But if that day had proved anything, it was that his youth was gone from him without him even knowing it had slipped away. Welton. Fuck’s sake.

The long car ride home had been predictably tense. The first thing his parents were upset about was that he’d forced them to rearrange their schedules—his father missed an important horse race he had bets on (those bets turned out to be fruitful, but that didn’t matter), and his mother was meant to attend a vital meeting of their church’s women’s council that she’d now have to ask Evelyn Peterson for the notes from, and you know how I despise that woman. Next they were distraught over the fact that he’d been kicked out of Balincrest, which was such a wonderful school and they’d worked so hard to get him accepted there despite his shortcomings and now they’d have to get another place to take him that would be father away and more expensive and why couldn’t he just be good like Jeffrey?

For the longest time, they carefully avoided the reason why he’d been forced to leave, and he could mostly tune their chatter out because it was less about scolding him and more about hearing themselves talk. Eventually, though, their words started sticking out in his brain and he couldn’t help but listen.

“...never imagined that I’d raise a son that would do such a thing,” his mother was saying, obsessively fixing her hair in her small compact mirror despite not a single strand being out of place. “And so shamelessly! I thought I’d taught you better than that.”

His father glanced at him from the rear view mirror. Todd glowered at him in return. “Did you really do it, Todd, or did that older boy rope you into it?”

Todd wasn’t sure how to respond. Either of the black-and-white answers would be a lie, but his parents were notoriously not ones for complexity. He cleared his throat. “I-it was all him.”

“Hmph,” his father huffed, turning his eyes back towards the highway before them. The day was aggressively sunny, and the asphalt shimmered in the light. “I thought as much. He had a guilty look about him, that one.”

Todd said nothing.

“But you know that’s how the habit starts, isn’t it? Someone leads you into it and you just get hooked.” His mother suddenly turned to look over into the backseat, waving a nagging finger in his face. “And you listen to me now, Todd. That kind of thing cannot be tolerated in any decent society. It’s a nasty, unhappy way of life and it’s best to condemn it now before it’s too late to turn back. Do you understand?”

Todd nodded, and it seemed to satisfy her. 

“And if anything like this ever happens again,” his father said, his voice growing low and gruff with shame. “We will not hesitate to beat it out of you with any means necessary.”

☽ ☼ ☾

“Todd,” his mother said as she grabbed his abandoned school clothes and folded them before placing them in her basket. “It’s been decided that you’ll go to Welton in the fall.”

She looked at him as if expecting a response, so he shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.”

“This is a very precious opportunity. You cannot afford to waste it.” No, you cannot afford to waste it, he thought.

“Okay,” he said again, and went back to his book.

☽ ☼ ☾

It’s a nasty, unhappy way of life. Those words rang in Todd’s ears as Saratoga Springs, New York entered a steaming hot summer. Todd spent most of his days locked up in his air-conditioned room with his books, the monotony only broken by him sneaking out to get meals, showering before bed, and his weekly excursions to the library to stock up.

While there, he occasionally tried to dig for things that mentioned his condition (he’d decided to call it a condition now—the American Psychological Association deemed it a mental disorder, alongside schizophrenia and social personality disorders, which was what made people psychopaths), but found it difficult to research a subject that seemingly no one wanted to talk about, and God forbid he ask the librarian—she was the one adult he knew that didn’t currently hate him. There was a report from about a decade prior that said homosexuality was far more present in society than most would like to think, and the long, drawn-out trials of a writer arrested for sodomy, but other than that, Todd could find very little that was not about the Bible, and no way in hell was he reading anything about the Bible. He laughed at the thought that it might burn when he touched it.

If he got bored of his books but was too scared to leave the safety of his room, he would stare out the window. It faced their large backyard, and most of the time when he looked out Jeffrey was back there playing soccer with his friends. It was their summer tradition, and Todd remembered the days when his mother would push him out of bed and out the door to “play with them” while she did her weekly top-to-bottom house cleanings. Todd usually ended up half-watching, half focused on his book from the edge of the open grass where they played. The older boys mostly looked upon him with anything from bemusement to outright contempt. No one wanted to be stuck playing with the lame little brother, least of all Jeffrey.

  The exception to this was a boy named Christian Woods. Christian went to Welton with Jeff, and Todd knew they went head-to-head in just about everything—academics, sports, girls— and yet despite their competition, they were the best of friends. Christian happened to be a pretty big literature buff, and always had some comment or another about what Todd was reading when the boys stopped playing for a few minutes to cool off and drink Mrs. Anderson’s lemonade. Whatever Todd said in return (often very little), Christian smiled, flicking the cover of the book and telling Todd he had good taste before leaping up and joining his flock again. 

Todd used to think about Christian a lot, back when puberty was first hitting him and his body ached with unfamiliarity. Christian’s dark eyes and fluffy walnut hair tended to pop into his head at the most awkward times. Stupid juvenile crush, he told himself now, but the word crush felt odd, even in his head. It wasn’t a crush, that was the thing ditsy girls had when they wished Jimmy would ask them to the prom. No, this was just a symptom of his condition—the one that appeared to be chronic and incurable. He liked to think himself wiser now at sixteen than when he’d been a few years younger, but Christian’s smile still made his heart flutter the tiniest bit. Unhappy. He could see that part.

☽ ☼ ☾

Jeffrey seemed to pop into Todd’s bubble more and more often as the summer went on. It was his last summer home before he started at Harvard in the fall (which their parents never failed to remind them of), and it seemed he finally decided to take an interest in his younger brother before he left for good. 

Because Todd had magically been let out of school early, he’d been able to be there for Jeffrey’s graduation from Welton and get a glimpse of his new home for the next two years. He watched as his brother marched across the stage with that despicably fake grin on his face, then zoned out until a point near the end where it was Christian’s footsteps and smile. He shuddered at the thought of it being him up there in front of all those people.

 After the painfully long ceremony was over, Jeff walked right up to his family and gave each of them a backbreaking hug. Todd didn’t remember the last time he and Jeffrey had been that close, but however long ago it was, they certainly hadn’t been the same height as they were now. It scared him a little, the unfamiliarity of this creature who shared his blood. 

When they’d arrived home, Jeff asked all the usual questions about school and how had summer been and was he excited for Welton and why did they let him leave so early? His mother shot him a furtive glance to warn him not to say too much, but Todd needed no reminder—he wouldn’t let that secret out if they tortured him for it. He shrugged as his only response. 

Jeffrey didn’t seem to want to let it go. He knocked on Todd’s door that evening, a piece of Todd’s favorite German chocolate cake in his hand as an excuse, and asked again: why was he home so early?

“Did something bad happen? At school, I mean,” he said as he placed the cake down on Todd’s desk, pushing a stack of books waiting to be returned to the side. 

Todd froze. “No,” he replied quickly. “Nothing happened.”

Jeffrey was clearly still suspicious. “No one picked on you there, right? ‘Cause if you were defending yourself—”

Todd cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it! Nothing happened!”

Jeff seemed startled by the outburst. “Okay,” he said slowly, backing towards the door. “But, just so you know…if you ever need to talk, I’m here, okay?”

“I don’t need to talk.” You’d hate me if you knew, he thought bitterly. 

“Okay,” Jeffrey said again, turning to leave. “Oh, and Todd?”

“Yeah?”

“Make sure you take that plate down when Mom’s not around. You know she’ll flip if she finds it up here.”

☽ ☼ ☾

In August, he got the letter. 

He’d started venturing out of his cave more and more, often walking to a spot deep in the nearby woods and laying out a blanket on the ground to read. Being around Jeffrey and his loud, laughing friends hurt too much now, especially as he saw his brother’s life slowly packed away, awaiting the coming move. When September came, who would he be? Same old meek Todd, only now the new kid at a school where the other boys had been building relationships for four years and running. A new kind of leper. 

He thought of Isaac sometimes, and wondered if he was having as miserable a summer as Todd was. Had he told the same lie to his parents that Todd had, that it was all the other boy’s fault and he wasn’t culpable? Did he play soccer with his friends or lock himself away? Did he feel the same pit of dread in his stomach at the thought of going back to school?

It came in a heavy cream envelope, the paper thick with wealth typical of schools whose pockets were lined by the lower echelons of the upper class. It was the same paper as Balincrest, the same typewriter script, only the stamped school seal at the top was different. 

Todd Anderson, read the top line. We are thrilled to have you join us at Welton Academy for the 1959-60 school year.

At the bottom was a school schedule laid out in a neat little table, on the next page was a map of the school and its grounds. The one line that inexplicably stuck out to him was one in the middle of the first page, in plain print.

Room #: 205. Roommate: Neil Perry.

[autisticdiaries]

Autistic Diaries

Stories of my Youth;

Back when I was about six to seven years old, I lived in a trailer park. I was quite unhinged and wandered the area a lot because I loved the adventure and thrills. It was most stimulating for an Autistic child with no limitations. My mother didn't care and was sleeping most times.

One particular weekend, a Sunday morning, I visited a frienemy (She was three years older than me and was very bossy, she also lied a lot), we hated each other but also had this odd relationship or maybe it's that she was like a real life Angelica and I was like Tommy. She would order me to do things, or she'd convince me to with persuasion. I've got a many stories of adventures around this particular time.

The Sunday School event-

So on one Sunday morning she had me board the Sunday school bus to her church. I have no recollection of how the bus driver allowed me to go with them. And I never questioned it until I got older.

So, we arrived at this big church, and it definitely seemed like a school, too. As memory serves, there were rooms for different grade aged kiddos. They separated me from "Angelica" and after they pointed me to the room I was to go, I got distracted and ended up in an area full of adults doing hymns.

The pastor was amused but made me follow him to another side room nearby for children that weren't old enough for school. I sat and coloured and talked to the toddlers and played. Then, one of these ladies that were probably just watching the kiddos, saw me writing and colouring with my left hand. Oh boy.

She immediately said something along the lines of "They say those that write with their left hand is a servant of the fallen angel, Lucifer." I just gawked at her and was like "What's that?" And she went on and on about who Lucifer was. And I was so confused about it all that I only heard bits and pieces while I kept drawing. Eventually she got so angry because I kept using my left hand and proclaimed that I was disrespecting her and then she grabbed a wooden ruler told me to lay my hands flat on the table and slapped them until they were reddened.

I was so confused and proceeded to having a meltdown. (Remember, meltdowns are involuntary and can be very traumatising for us, especially as children. I had no idea how to process what was happening and nobody knew I was Autistic.

The babies in the room started hollering, too. The lady shot me a harsh look and yelled "Look what you've done!" And as she hushed and tended to some of the toddlers, I ran out of the room, and into a long hallway of doors still sobbing historically. I went through one that took me to a room full of kids around my age.

The teacher there stopped her discussion with them and was very kind to me. I can't even remember her face. But I remember her calm nature. The bright yellow walls, the toys, books, bibles, and circular tables with blue plastic/metal chairs only fit for children.

She helped me get a snack around snack time and I stayed there sitting in silence until it was time to leave. I ran into "Angelica" down the hall leading to the buses. And we hopped on the bus together. She asked me how it went and I shrugged looking out the window in a daze. Still recovering from the meltdown I'd had hours prior.

And that's when I had learned that once again, the more different you are, how easily they will cast you out.

Thankfully, there are some whom do not care about judging your identity and will still treat you with kindness.

[drivin-down-i-20]

I don’t really know how to start this kind of thing off so I guess I’ll just introduce myself? I don’t want to get too personal, for reasons that I’m sure you’ll come to understand later, but I can at least tell you my job. I’m an employee of my state’s Highway Patrol. I’m not a cop or anything like that; I clean up accidents.

Semis, mostly. I’m part of a crew that is responsible for the section of I-20 that cuts across my state. We get calls mostly at night, so we’re all night owls, perpetually sipping caffeine in one form or another. Except for that one guy, but he’s a whole story all by himself.

I’ve seen some of the most horrific accidents you can imagine. Cattle trailers overturned. Sleeping truckers. Spills. And I’d like to tell a few stories if that’s okay. I’ve never believed that people living and working in places where secrets are kept is a good idea. Especially when those secrets are kept by those who are supposed to protect them. This is the “I’m sure you’ll understand why later part.” This is a throwaway account and it’ll be deactivated when I’m through with these stories. In the meantime, feel free to shoot me any questions you’ve got. Asks. Whatever. I figure Tumblr isn’t as… monitored as Reddit so maybe I’ll be okay. Just. Spread it around yeah? Protect your people. Help them protect themselves.

I’ve never been a superstitious or conspiracy type person. I was raised hand to mouth and didn’t really have time to think about any of that. I did go to church. Mama made all of us go. I loved lessons in Sunday School about the great heroes in the Bible. David. Moses. Samson. Superheroes of the Bible the old woman who was my teacher called them.

As I got older though, I realized they were just men. People. David was a murderer, murdered a friend to steal his wife. Moses was a murderer, but I’ll be honest, I’d have done what he did too. Samson got himself in an entire bind over a woman. They weren’t to be idolized. They were to be learned from.

Guess this is what my first story’s like. Learn something from it. Maybe.

It doesn’t snow much where I am. Instead, we get the ice. Yeah that real good pipe-busting, road-slicking ice. It’s not every year, heck we get balmy Florida sun as many winters as we get ice, but it can happen.

Couple years back there was an ice storm that put the bits of the state that were affected on a screeching halt. No school, no stores open, nothing. So everybody stayed real snuggled and safe at home until the thaw. Which was the next day. Everywhere was just soggy with it. The grass squelched under your feet.

A “side-effect” of this thaw was heavy fog. There was a man, husband, dad of two, minister in a local church, who was on his way to prayer early that morning. He was in a hurry so he was doing what everyone else does on a hectic morning: speeding.

Ah hush you know you do it. And sometimes, it’s okay to do. Keeping up with the flow of traffic and all that. Dude had his high beams up. It was just another day.

Until he ploughed into the back of a parked schoolbus at top speed. Doubt the guy knew what hit him.

Wasn’t anything anybody could do for him.

The bus was higher than his vehicle so most of what happened to the bus, happened to the undercarriage. The kids were scared and some were a little scratched and banged up, but they were all okay. Liked to have scared the poor driver clear to death, though.

The man in a hurry had already be taken away when we got there. People don’t really like to think about what happens to a body when it dies. Releasing the soul is kind of how I think on it. You don’t realize how many muscles and tendons are contracting right now, holding you together. When you die, it all relaxes. Yeah you go through rigor mortis, but that’s only after.

Your bowels release. Your bladder releases. If you were in an accident like this man, your veins let go. And what your body was working so hard to contain, it leaves. And it’s everywhere. All that hurrying and anxiety to get where he was going, it stayed behind too. With his wife and his kids. And it haunted them. You know it did. You know they asked themselves how they might’ve stopped that day from happening. What if Daddy had just waited a few minutes? The bus would’ve moved on, the fog might’ve lessened. And he’d still be there.

So take it from me, who’s had to hose my fair share of the refuse of hurrying and impatience off the asphalt, both of sinner and saint, being late is still being alive.

Sorry for the heavy start, but it’s the nature of my job. I’ll go in a different direction with the next one. Not all of them involve death and tragedy. We got a call to a clean up about 4:30 one morning for a semi overturn. Fella had rounded down a turn-off, coming down an overpass and cut too sharp. Whole trailer flopped over. She was hauling, wait for it, soap. Dawn. Oh my God. It was. Everywhere. Smelled great. But good sweet Lord. We got our big, coarse bristle brushes to try and sweep it into some tarps, trying to keep it from poisoning wildlife or the ecosystem, but it just made it all suds up. Bubbles. Everywhere. And then the wind got to blowing. It was a mess. Even once we got to just hosing it, it was like something out of a cartoon. But I still laugh about that one though with the guys. We might’ve frolicked through them like slow motion princesses and taken pictures. They’re in my blackmail folder just in case.

This crew’s been together the longest of any one I’ve been on. Folks usually get tired of it and want to move on to something less strenuous. Which I get. It’s not for everyone. But I like it. Keeps the bills paid. You know. I’m not unhappy. And I get sweet overtime.

Me and this older guy are the old hands. Let’s call him Jake. Jake’s older than me and I guess you could call him the foreman. But it doesn’t really work like that. He just knows what to do for most incidents and we listen. Experience is valuable.

Jake and I started working together when I moved to this crew about seven years ago. I’d been town cleanup for a bit but it was so boring. So I put my application in through the DOT, Department of Transportation, and got hired. Got a raise too. I was over the moon. I’ve always been one to feel more awake at night and Jake was the same. Guess maybe that article I read somewhere about evolution conditioning some of us to stay up and tend the fire in the night is true. Feels like it.

I’m rambling.

We got a early morning call, pre-dawn. There usually aren’t that many vehicles on the road that aren’t semis at that time of day. We’d been working on our gear, making sure it was all ready to go. Takes a lot of stuff to do this job. We drive a high-powered diesel wrecker for one with a trailer, in case of big debris. We also have kits that range from everything from corrosive chemical spills to bodily waste removal. Special containers, neutralizers, discrete disposal units, all that stuff. So you have to keep all that useful. Make sure it’s not past the expiration and so on. When we’re not on a job, that’s what we do.

So we got a call out and headed out. There were about ten of us, me and Jake in The Big’un, that’s what we called the wrecker, and then the rest took DOT-provided pickups. You’ve probably seen them. Got the emergency strobes and flags on them.

The first thing I noticed was the smoke. Thick and white, just hanging in the air. FD was already there but they weren’t working on the truck. They were trying to put out what had spread over to the trees. It was a dry year and the woods were parched kindling; everything in a 200 yard radius of that truck was already cinders. The semi had pulled over and was just resting on the side of the road. PD had already blocked off as much of the road as they could to allow some traffic through, though there really wasn’t much.

The trailer had caught fire, that much was very obvious. Whatever had been inside must’ve not been secured properly and had flopped around, fallen over and either made a spark or reacted with another chemical. Whatever it’d been was hot burning too. The driver had been taken to the hospital already for third degree burns. Which was the first odd thing, when I thought about it later. The driver’s cab was fine. Scorched a bit on the back but fine. All the fire damage had been pointing away from it, toward the doors of the trailer.

I remember Jake, who was usually very reserved and placid, booming out orders to tow the trailer away from the original sight a bit. And I was glad too. The flames that were down in the woods were so bright and so hot. We wore sunglasses in the dark, trying to protect our eyes, and the heat was so bad that we were treated for mild burns to our faces and hands afterward. I had a beard then; I shaved it the next day because patches were burnt clean off.

We didn’t stay long. There weren’t any chemicals to clean up, just hauling the ruined trailer away to give the FD room to put that fire out.

When you work this kind of job, you end up seeing the same folks at the same event, you know? Jake was having some coffee when we got back to the call our office the next day. He’d had a haircut, a bad one. And his face was all blistered like he’d been at Daytona for a week. We all slathered up for a while after that to keep from getting ashy and peeling too bad. Jake looks like something out of a Viking movie. The Avengers Thor guy wishes.

“Everything okay?” he finally asked me, in that deep thunder voice he’s got.

“Shoot man, yeah. But crispy… Did they get the fire out?”

Jake nodded. “I know a bunch of them guys. Talked to ‘em this morning. Lot of ‘em out today with arc-eye and burns all over ‘em. Said the driver didn’t make it.”

That stunned me. “Didn’t make it? But the cab was fine!”

Jake had arched a confirming eyebrow.

I didn’t know what arc-eye was, but I googled it later. It’s what happens when welders don’t wear proper protection on their eyes. Looking at the arc like that can lead to severe irritation of the eye and even blindness in some cases.

“Said he died of severe internal trauma and heat-related injuries. Insides were cooked until they burst. Guy’s eyes were clouded white from the heat. Said it took a flyover all the way from Texas to finally put all of the fire out. They had it contained but their guys kept passing out from heat exhaustion.”

I remember being so staggered by this. And I remember looking for news about it later because that was really something. But I never did see any.

And I remember breaking that trailer down. How it was still hot. How the doors had been bent outward, the lock melted solid. How the fire trailed away. In a straight line.

Jake watched me as we worked. The way his eyes rested on me… it was like he was waiting for something. When we got the doors off, he’d taken his gloved hand and run his fingers through the grooves, elbowing me so I’d look at what he was doing.

It still feels so stupid to think this. Because who does this? Who makes this connection? It makes me feel crazy but it. It happened. The grooves weren’t melt patterns, like slag. They were claw marks. Pushed through the metal and ripped backward. Curled like paper. Peeled almost.

I’ve never said out loud what it looked like to me. But Jake made me put my fingers in those grooves. Curve my hand around that metal. Feel what it felt like. Feel the warmth living in that metal. And we looked at each other for a long time, not saying a word. Jake knew and I knew. And that seemed to be all he wanted. For me to know.

I thought about what else Jake had said about the driver. His friend in the FD had been pretty disturbed and had talked to him a while. Jake’s that kind of guy. You can talk to him. Something about him makes it easy for people. Comforting.

“FD lady said the man was screaming when they got to him. Burn victims do that, yeah, but she said he grabbed hold of them and wouldn’t let go. Had to pry him loose. Kept saying “seen” over and over. Y’know sometimes when the body’s been traumatized so bad, the mind can’t handle it. He was scared, though. The pain was bad but he was so scared that he just wanted someone to hold him.”

Sorry if the ending here is abrupt but…? That’s all I got for now. I have to get ready for work, and I’ve been thinking about maybe asking Jake if he’s ever seen anything else like that night. We’ve been on some other calls together but he’s been at this for nigh unto twenty years. We’ll see.

[allthingsfangirl101]

In This Together. Always.–Steve Harrington

I played with my hands as the group argued about who would go into the store and who would stay with the stolen van.

"That's enough," I sighed, cutting them off. "We need a lot of supplies. You all will go into the store. I'll stay here with the van. Now, no more arguing. Get in there so we can take this son of a bitch down."

They nodded in agreement and started to gather their things. I caught Steve's eye, making him freeze. Instead of following the others into the store, he walked over to me.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" He asked gently.

"Of course," I scoffed. "I think I'll be okay sitting in a stolen van. Just make sure the basketball team doesn't see you."

He started to leave but stopped. He gently reached forward and grabbed my hands.

"If there is any sign of trouble, I want you to honk the horn three times and run," he said under his breath.

"What about you guys?" I asked, making sure I added the others to my question.

"Forget about us."

"But Steve. . ."

"If anything happens, head straight to my house," Steve continued. "You know where the key is to the back door. Run straight there and I will meet you there as soon as I can."

"Steve, stop," I cut him off. "I'm not leaving you behind."

"And I'm not going to let you get hurt," he said instantly. "I mean it, Y/N. The first sign of trouble, get out of here."

"I can't leave you," I whispered.

"I'll always find you."

A tension-filled silence fell between the two of us. I didn't want him to stop looking at me the way he was. But sadly, we were both dragged back to reality.

"Steve, let's go!" Robin yelled from outside the van. Steve cleared his throat as he finally let go of my hands.

"We'll be back as soon as we can," Steve reassured. "Don't go anywhere. Unless. . ."

"The first sign of trouble," I finished for him. He laughed as he started to leave. He turned around and jogged back. I gasped when he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"I'll be back."

As he finally ran into the store, my stomach refused to calm down. The guilt got too overwhelming as I choked on my sob. I sat in the driver's seat and let my tears fall.

Steve's been my best friend since kindergarten when he stopped Andrew Wilson from pulling my pigtails. In all those years, he never knew the truth. Of course, he knew part of it, but not all. He knew that my parents were killed in a car accident when I was four. He knew that my grandparents moved to Hawkins to take care of me.

What he didn't know was how my grandparents acted behind closed doors. Around other people, they were sweet grandparents raising their poor granddaughter. When it was just me, my grandmother was barely conscious and my grandfather was angrily drunk at the world for losing his son. He got worse after we had to take my grandmother to the nursing home.

There were so many times I thought about telling Steve. There were so many nights I wanted to run to his house, climb in his window and beg for him to keep me safe. The only reason I didn't tell him was because I was scared that my grandfather's rage would be turned on Steve. I'd rather take the beatings than let my grandfather hurt Steve.

I also haven't told Steve–or anyone–about the clock. I was about to tell Steve about it when we broke into the school to look at the counselor's notes but Max announced that she had started to see it. Turns out, I started seeing it about twelve hours after Max first saw it.

The only person who knows anything about my grandfather is Robin. When we were working at Scoops Ahoy, Robin and I got a little too high on break one Sunday. I ended up blurting it all out. The next day, I begged her not to say anything and she swore she wouldn't.

I looked around the van, the tears still streaming down my face. A sob got caught in my throat when I saw the supplies I used to clean the gash on Steve's stomach. When the pain got too much, I stood up and ran. I remembered the promise I made Steve but the guilt and fear were suffocating me.

                                * * * * *

"Wait," Dustin stuttered as they climbed back into the stolen RV. "I thought Y/N stayed with the RV."

"She did," Steve said as he walked in. Everyone avoided looking at Steve as he discovered his best friend and the woman he secretly loved was gone.

"Where is she?!" He panicked.

"Steve, calm down," Nancy tried to soothe.

"How the hell am I supposed to calm down?!" Steve yelled. "Y/N is gone and Vecna is out there, snatching people up."

"What if he takes her?" Dustin asked.

"You don't think. . ." Robin hesitated.

"Don't think what?" Steve pushed when she didn't continue.

"You think there's a chance Y/N might become another one of Vecna's victims?" Nancy asked.

"Why would he take her?" Lucas countered. "He takes people with repressed trauma. Y/N doesn't have any of that. . . Right?"

"Her parents died when she was really little," Dustin shrugged. "But her grandparents moved here and took care of her."

"It's not that simple," Robin mumbled.

"What are you talking about?" Steve demanded. "Y/N is nothing like Vecna's victims. She's happy."

"Steve," Robin sighed. "It's not. . . She isn't. . ."

"What are you trying to say, Robin?" Steve asked, his anger building. "Because if you're trying to tell me that my best friend is actually miserable and going through shit that she's never told me. . ."

"She wanted to tell you but you always get so damn protective!" Robin cut him off. She took a shaky breath, forcing herself to calm down. If she was going to tell Steve Y/N's big secret, she needed to calm down.

"Look, Steve," she sighed, "you're not going to want to hear this but there's something you need to know about Y/N's father and grandfather. When her dad was growing up, her grandfather believed in raising his son with a heavy hand."

"Robin, just get to the point."

"Her grandfather abused her father and now he abuses her," Robin sighed, no longer dancing around the subject.

"Absolutely not," Steve scoffed. "He would never. . . She wouldn't. . . If that was true, don't you think she would've told me?"

Steve looked around to see the same expression on everyone's faces; pity.

"You guys think. . ."

"I'm sorry, Steve," Robin sighed. "But I'm right about this. Which means. . ."

"Y/N could be Vecna's next victim."

                                * * * * *

The group looked everywhere for Y/N but she was nowhere to be found. They checked her house, the school, her work, the bookstore she frequently visited, and nothing.

"I don't understand!" Steve angrily grunted. He sat on the Wheeler's couch with a huff. "We've looked everywhere. I don't know where else she could be!"

"There is one other place we could try," Robin mumbled.

"Where?!"

"There's an old folk home a few miles outside of town," she explained. "They moved her grandmother there about a year ago. She might've gone to visit her."

Steve jumped up, ready to run to his car. He stopped at the door when he saw the others staring at each other.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go."

"You go," Nancy said, sending a knowing look to Robin.

"Yeah," Robin jumped in. "We're gonna go check on Eddie."

Steve wasn't sure why they were staying behind but he didn't care. He needed to get to Y/N before it was too late. He turned on his heel and jogged to his car. He was about to leave when Nancy stopped him. He impatiently rolled down his window as she jogged over.

"I gotta go, Nance," Steve sighed. "If she's alone too long. . ."

"Tell her," she cut him off.

"What?"

"Steve, you deserve to be happy," Nancy explained, "and we all see how happy Y/N makes you. We also all know that you've been in love with her for a long time. Maybe even before you and I went out. It doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel about her."

"Nancy," Steve stuttered.

"You love her, Steve," she smiled at him. "It's pretty obvious. Probably as obvious as it is that she loves you too."

"She does?"

"Of course she does," Nancy chuckled. "I'm surprised you don't see it."

"See what?"

"The way she looks at you," Nancy said like it was obvious. "The way she runs to you when she needs help. The way she depends on you to protect her and keep her safe. The way she needs you. So, please, Steve. When you find her, tell her."

                                * * * * *

I gasped as someone grabbed my shoulders and quickly spun me around.

"What were you thinking?!" Steve yelled the second I was facing him.

"Steve," I gasped as I looked around the room at the old folks staring at us. "Please. . . Can we. . ."

"Did you really think you could just run away?!"

"Steve, please," I begged. "Can we take this outside?"

The look on Steve's face dropped as I wrapped my arms around myself, still looking around the room. My breath got caught in my throat when Steve grabbed my hand and led me outside. He pulled me through the garden until he found the small bench I usually sit at.

"Y/N," Steve whispered after we sat down. I smiled when I noticed he was still tightly holding my hand. "I'm sorry I got so angry," he sighed. "It's just. . . You disappeared and. . . Then Robin put the idea that you could be next in my head and I went crazy. I started. . ."

"She's right," I cut him off. I looked up to see Steve's eyes widen.

"She's right?" He asked. I held my breath as he figured it out. I wasn't sure how much Robin told him about my grandfather, but I could tell he knew most of it from the way he was looking at me.

Steve pulled on my hand, turning me towards him. His eyes were soft as he studied me.

"Y/N, does your grandfather. . ." He couldn't bring himself to finish his question. And I couldn't bring myself to answer it.

"If it makes you feel better," I whispered, "whenever he started to get angry or would start to. . . I would run to you."

"Really?" He asked, letting out a sigh of relief.

"I swear," I continued. "Whenever my grandfather started drinking too much and would begin getting angry, I'd go to my room but instantly crawl out my window. Then I would run to your house. I knew you'd always open the door."

"I'm glad you always came to me," Steve said, scooting closer to me, "but I still don't understand why you never told me. We've been best friends since we were little, Y/N. I thought you trusted me."

"I do!" I said quickly.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" Steve asked. "Not even after everything started with the killings."

"It's just. . . Max started seeing that damn clock a few hours before me which means Vecna might come after her first. We could lose her if we started worrying about me and not her. So see? If I brought up what happened to me, we'd shift our focus. We've lost enough, Steve," I whispered. "We can't lose Max. We can't lose anyone else. I didn't want to add to everyone's stress."

"I don't give a shit about everyone's stress," Steve scoffed. "I'm more focused on the fact that the most important person in my life was keeping a huge secret that literally put her life in danger as if her life meant nothing to me!"

"I didn't mean it like that," I said under my breath.

"You should've told me," he sighed, finally calming down. He stood up and started running his fingers through his hair. "Out of everyone in your life, I thought I was the one person you told everything to. Why didn't you tell me? Do you not trust me?"

"It's not that," I said quickly as I jumped up. "I just. . . I knew how protective you'd get and I didn't want you to worry. Plus with everything else going on. . ."

"Y/N, you still don't understand," Steve said, his frustration returning. "I don't care about everything else that's going on. As much as I focus on everyone else's safety, I find myself always focusing more on you. The only thing I care about is you. You are the one person that I can't bare to lose."

"Steve," I whispered, "I'm just your best friend."

"You're so much more than that!" He yelled.

He was suddenly breathing heavily as he stared at me like he was making up his mind. I held my breath as Steve slowly took a step toward me, making the gap between us smaller.

He grabbed my hands, making the gap even smaller. I could barely breathe when Steve and I were inches apart.

"You are so much more than my best friend," Steve whispered. "I love you, Y/N. I've loved you since you helped me in sixth-grade math. I've loved you since you fell asleep in my arms during that movie marathon we had in seventh grade. I've loved you since you clung to me when we went to that haunted house eighth-grade year. I've loved you since you encouraged me to try out for the basketball team. I've loved you since you met me at school early so you could help me keep my grades up. I've loved you since I knew what love was. You are the most important person in my life. Without you, nothing matters. I would rather be eaten by demodogs than lose you."

"Steve," I whispered with a smile on my face. My heart fluttered when I saw his nervous and hopeful smile. "I love you too."

"Really?" He asked.

"Of course," I shrugged. "You've always been there for me, through everything. It killed me not telling you the truth about what's been going on at home. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's okay," he smiled down at me. "Now that I know, I can start doing a better job of protecting you."

"You do a great job of protecting me," I teased.

"Now I can do a perfect job," he smirked.

Silence fell between the two of us. My face burned as he looked at me with love in his eyes.

"Steve?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Will you kiss me already?"

Steve laughed as he pulled me into his chest, letting go of my hands, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I slid my hands up his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. He leaned down, stopping when his nose was pressed to mine.

"What are you waiting for?" I whispered.

"Nothing," Steve sighed. "I'm just enjoying this moment."

"As sweet as that is," I teased, "we told each other "I love you" for the first time, but we still haven't had our first kiss."

"My fault," he chuckled. Steve leaned in and finally pressed his lips to mine.

Fireworks immediately erupted as our lips slowly started moving in sync. That kiss meant everything to both of us. All the feelings we've been hiding over the years came pouring out.

"Please," Steve whispered, breaking the kiss. "Don't run away again, Y/N. I can't protect you unless I'm with you."

"I won't leave your side," I whispered. "Ever again."

"Good," Steve smirked as he slightly leaned back. "Because we're in this together."

"Always."