#we usually do every two weeks but now with the holidays our next one is in three...

[lordsardine]

.

[honeyedmiller]

The Gift | Javier Peña

pairing: husband!javi x wife!reader

warnings: marriage, mentions of pregnancy (reader is pregnant!!!), reader described to be shorter than javi, mentions of the holidays (specifically christmas), mentions of starting a family, tooth-rotting sickeningly sweet fluff, brief mentions of a deceased family member, tiny uses of spanish with translations at the very end, no use of y/n. if any content warnings may not be suitable for you to consume, please do not read forward. 18+, minors dni.

word count: 3.4k

synopsis: you and javi do your yearly gift exchange with each other. your gift to him just so happens to be life-changing.

this is *technically* a part two to when you wish on a shooting star, but it can be read as a stand alone.

tysm to my bby @ilovepedro for beta reading this for me. you’re amazing ily ♥️

divider by @ dvluc

The bright streams of golden sunlight shining into your bedroom is what woke you up for the second time that morning. You let the warmth of the rays soak into your skin, knowing it was a chilly December day outside of the four walls of your shared home. 

The first thing that woke you up was your loving husband kissing you on your forehead and telling you he loved you before he went to work that morning. You’d been feeling extra sleepy lately, so he didn’t want to disturb you by fully waking you up. 

Your body just felt so exhausted, and you woke up with short waves of nausea in the recent mornings. You just painted it as stress from your own job, not thinking much of it. 

You groaned as you stretched, dreading getting out of your warm bed where the scent of your beloved husband engulfed the entirety of your body. You missed his presence already, wishing the warmth of his chest was pressed against yours as he peppered soft kisses all around your face. You found your mind swirling with longing for him, but you couldn’t get too distracted. 

You decided it was time to get up and straighten up the house since you had the day off. Next week was Christmas, and you and Javi held your annual Christmas party at your house every year, so you wanted to make sure the house was pristine for the guests you were to have over. 

After you brushed your teeth and washed your face, you made the bed and trudged downstairs, yawning as you reached the kitchen. Caffeine sounded heavenly right now, considering Javi kept you up most of the night. 

You made a fresh pot of coffee to brew, leaning against the kitchen island counter as your eyes roamed your kitchen. Your eyes landed on the pastel yellow sticky note stuck to your fridge, immediately recognizing Javi’s handwriting. You took the sticky note off of the fridge, eyes scanning over what he scribbled. 

Good morning, mi amor. Don’t forget we have our annual gift exchange tonight. Can’t wait to give you your gift, bebita. I also left you some chorizo and eggs in the fridge for you. Te amo para siempre.

-J

You grinned down at the endearing note and opened the fridge, and as promised, there was a small container with one of your favorite, simple breakfasts. You took the container out of the fridge and a pan from the cabinet, scooping the contents out of the container and onto the pan with a wooden spoon, turning on the flame to the stove to heat the food up. It looked mouth wateringly delicious at first, but when the smell of the food invaded the kitchen, you suddenly felt so nauseous. 

It was odd, because you usually loved the smell of the meal. You turned off the heat and abandoned the kitchen altogether after putting the food and coffee away, shaking your head as you made your way back upstairs. You sighed as you sat down on the bed, grimacing as the nausea slowly dissipated. 

Maybe breakfast wasn’t the best idea today. You got up again to officially get ready for the day, needing to stop at the store to get some items for your Christmas party before you came back home to tidy up. Luckily you and Javi kept your house neat, so cleaning wasn’t going to be a super tedious task.

You made a list of things you needed at the store and made the short drive over, checking off all of the things on your list. You passed the feminine products section, halting when you realized you needed to pick up some more pads. You spotted the pregnancy tests right next to the pads, and your mind reeled for a second. 

When was the last time you got your period?

You’d been so wrapped up in life recently and busy with work and preparations for the Christmas party that you hadn’t even realized your period never came this month. Again, you could’ve written it off as stress, but a tiny pit in your stomach was telling you to get a pregnancy test. You and Javi had been trying for a baby after you made an agreement at your little getaway trip for your third wedding anniversary in Lake Arrowhead. 

Now that you were both back in Laredo, reality broke the bubble of pure bliss you two were wrapped in. It was back to work, back to responsibilities, back to the mundane daily life—one that you absolutely adored getting to live with Javi. Nonetheless, time slipped away from you and you’d completely missed the fact that your period was late by nearly a whole month. 

You grabbed three pregnancy tests just to be extra sure of whatever outcome you’d receive. Your mind swirled with thoughts of the possibility that you were carrying your first child, but you didn’t allow yourself to delve too deep into those thoughts just yet. As you made your way to the checkout stand, you happened to pass the baby clothing section, spotting a pastel yellow newborn onesie that said “abuelo’s amorcito” in white lettering. 

You smiled and instantly thought of Chucho and how happy he’d be hearing the news that he was to expect his first grandbaby. You grabbed the onesie, possibly getting a little too ahead of yourself, but you’d save it and give it to him when the time came. 

Your heart fluttered as you made your way home after checking out all of your items, realizing that it was already two in the afternoon. Javi got home around four, so you had to hunker down when you got home to clean. You finished cleaning the backhouse you and Javi lived in in record time, moving to the living room of the main house to tidy up a bit. You still had about thirty more minutes to spare, so you took your tests to the bathroom with you. Once you were finished, you laid the tests down on the counter and washed your hands, sitting at the edge of the tub in anticipation. 

The five minutes you had to wait for the results to show up had to be some of the longest minutes of your life, face buried in your hands as your knee bounced up and down. Your breath was shaky as nerves took over you, the five minutes nearing an end. You stood up from the edge of the tub and made your way to the double vanity, squeezing your eyes shut while inhaling a deep breath. 

Now or never.

Your eyes shot open, only to be met with six pink lines meeting your gaze. Every single test was positive. You exhaled a shaky breath, a small sob bubbling within your throat as your hand covered your mouth. 

You couldn’t wait to tell Javi. 

You’d originally gotten him a nice watch that he had his eye on for a couple of months for the gift exchange knowing he’d never splurge on himself like that. He insisted that he splurged on you, though, to which you always argued ‘if you can do it, I can do it for you, too.’

You decided to save the watch for Christmas though, seeing as giving him a gift like this was far more heartwarming. Your eyes teared up at the thought of how great of a father Javi would be. You wrapped one pregnancy test delicately into a small box, wrapping paper covered in snowmen adorning the box. You wrapped the onesie for Chucho next, carefully writing on both boxes who the gifts were for. 

You hid the other two tests, making your way downstairs with the boxes in your hands. You set them both under the Christmas tree, wiping away a stray tear that had rolled down your cheek. 

“Mi amor, I’m home!” You heard Javi call out from the front door of your home, and you couldn’t help the smile that instantly appeared upon hearing his voice. 

You walked to the entryway of your home, seeing your husband set down his work bag onto the floor. 

“Well if it isn’t my handsome husband.” You say as you approach him, stopping in front of him to gaze up into his beautiful brown eyes. He instinctively wrapped his hand around your waist, pulling you into him so you were flush against his body. He smiles down at you, cupping your cheek. 

“If it isn’t my beautiful wife.” He counters back. Your hands travel up to his broad chest, running over the lapels of his beige suit he was wearing. 

“I missed you, mi amor.” You coo softly, one hand cupping the nape of his neck. 

“Yeah? I missed you too, baby.” His smile never wavers from his face as your free hand wraps around the dark plaid tie he wore, gently tugging on it to make him bend down. Your lips easily met his in one swift movement, and he groaned softly into the kiss. His hands slid down to your ass, grabbing it playfully before lightly tapping it and pulling apart from you. 

“Let me change out of my work clothes and then we can do the exchange, cariño. Papá made pozole for tonight.” 

“Sounds delicious. Meet you on the couch.” You huff a laugh, giving him a quick kiss before he makes his way upstairs to change. You make your way over to the couch, grabbing the smaller present that you’d tucked under the tree earlier along the way. You plopped down, nerves overtaking your body. You weren’t sure what his initial reaction would be, albeit you were sure it would presumably be a positive one. 

You heard his heavy steps descending the stairs, and his face lit up when he saw you sitting on the couch. He carried a small box in his hands, a boyish grin on his face as he made his way to the couch to plop himself down next to you. 

“You wanna go first, or should I?” He asks, hand resting on your thigh. The gift exchange you two did was a tradition you both started for yourselves the first Christmas you were together. You’d been doing it ever since, small heartfelt gifts to be exchanged between you both. Javi called it “the pregame to Christmas.” 

“You go first, amor.” You grin, heart leaping in your throat as you try to control your breathing and emotions overall. 

“Here you are, corazón. I hope you like it.” He hands you the small box and you grin at him, carefully tearing the wrapping. You uncover the contents in the box, revealing a silver charm bracelet with a charm already on it. It was a small inscription saying ‘siempre.’ Tears welled in your eyes as you took it out of the box, the shininess of the silver glinting from the glow of the Christmas tree lights nearby. 

“Javi, mi amor. It’s beautiful.” You cry, tears cascading down your cheeks. 

“You think so cariño?” His voice is soft, hands reaching out to wipe the tears from your face. You nod with a smile, eyes glossy and brows furrowed. 

“It’s perfect. Thank you so much.” You unclasp the bracelet and hold it out to him so he can put it on your wrist. He easily clasps it, the cold metal pressing against your skin. He lifts your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly. 

“Your turn, baby.” Javi encouraged, and you cried even more as you shakily handed him your gift. You held your breath as he tore open the wrapping paper, opening the box to reveal the test. His movements completely halted as his eyes scanned over the contents in the box. 

His eyes snapped up to yours, glossy with tears threatening to spill over. You’d only ever seen Javi cry less than a handful of times since you two have been together, so seeing him so emotional made you sob. 

“Is this real?” He whispers, eyes moving back down to the test. 

You nod your head, both of your hands gently grabbing the sides of his beautiful face. 

“One hundred percent real, mi amor. We’re gonna have a baby.” You try your best to contain your sobs, but it’s useless at this point when your own husband is crying with you. He leans over to you, laying you down on the couch as he wraps his arms around your frame and just holds you. He nestles his face into the crook of your neck, salty tears skimming the warmth of your skin. 

Your fingers card through his dark, thick locks, holding him close as you kiss his head repeatedly, mumbling how much you love him and can’t wait to have his baby. 

Javi never thought he’d have this life. He never thought he’d be able to meet a nice woman, date, settle down, fall in love, get married; let alone start a family. 

He was a very different man when he’d left Colombia and came back to the states after taking down Escobar and the Cali cartel, so closed off and unwilling to picture or allow this kind of life for himself. The kind of life he deserves—working a good paying job at the Laredo Sheriff’s Office, married to the most gorgeous woman he’s ever laid his eyes on, reunited with his dad, content and fucking happy. 

He never thought he’d see the day, and yet here you were, laying underneath him and allowing him to cry into your neck about you being able to give him the best thing he could’ve ever asked for, which was a family of his own. 

After both of your sobs subsided and tears melted into a salty stiffness on your cheeks, he kissed your neck softly and hovered his face above yours. Your hands cupped his cheeks gently, pulling him down for a long, comforting kiss that said I love you I love you I love you a million times over. 

“We’re having a baby.” He breathed, a genuine smile that made his crow’s feet prominent adorning his face. You nod your head, leaning up to kiss the tip of his nose. 

“We’re having a baby, Javi,” You laugh as he starts to attack your face with an array of kisses, a deep chuckle rumbling in his throat. “I got something for Chucho too to tell him the big news.” You say against his lips, and he sits back up while gently tugging you up with him. 

“Yeah? I’m sure he’ll love whatever it is.” Javi’s heart warmed at the thought of you getting his father a gift as well to tell him that he was going to be a grandpa. 

You stand up from the couch and hold your hands out to Javi, making a grabbing motion to coax him to grab your hands. He does so without hesitation and you pull him up from the couch, hands landing on his chest afterwards. 

You beam up at him, a glint of pure happiness in your eyes as you let your gaze roam over his features. You still don’t know how you got this lucky, thanking the universe every day that an unlikely pair as yourselves met at an H-E-B of all places. 

“Te amo con todo mi corazón,” Javi wrapped his arms around your frame, pulling you into him as he hugged you. “Gracias por darme la vida que siempre quise.” 

Tears sprang to your eyes once more at his endearing words. “I’d go to the ends of the earth for you, Javier Peña. I promise you that.” You kiss him one more time before breaking away, collecting Chucho’s gift from under the tree before you both make your way to the main house. 

The chilly December air nipped at your skin, so you nuzzled closer into Javi’s side as you both walked down the stone path to the main house. For a second, you were worried that the smell of pozole was going to make you nauseous just as the chorizo and eggs did earlier, but you found it to be the complete opposite this time. You were practically salivating, ready to devour the delicious meal your father in law set out to make you three. 

You and Javier stepped into the kitchen, greeted by Chucho stirring the pot of pozole a few times before he saw you both. 

“Ah, mija! Thank you for cleaning the living room today. Haven’t been able to get around to it myself, so I appreciate it.” Chucho grins. 

“It’s not a problem, Chucho. Thank you for making us dinner. It smells delicious.” You say, setting the present down on the dining room table. 

“Not a problem, querida.” 

Javi prompts you and Chucho to sit down at the table as he takes over, grabbing bowls for the three of you. He serves you both before coming behind you to gently grab your shoulders, giving them a squeeze. You grin up at him and clear your throat, catching Chucho’s attention. 

“This is for you, suegro. I hope you like it.” You hand him the gift, and he looks bewildered as he takes it from you and starts to unwrap it. 

“You didn’t need to get me anything, mija–” His words are cut short as he opens the box, seeing the tiny onesie in it. 

“Surprise, Pop.” Javi says, and Chucho looks between his son and you in disbelief. 

“You’re having a baby?” His voice is full of shock, and you can’t help but reach across the table and squeeze one of his hands. 

“You’re gonna be an abuelo, suegro.” 

Chucho looked down at the onesie in his hands with tears pricking his eyes. You never thought you’d see the day that Chucho Peña got teary-eyed. 

“Tu mamá would’ve loved to see the day her baby boy was having a child of his own. One with a sweet, wonderful woman such as yourself, mija.” Chucho looked between you both with a bittersweet smile on his face. 

“I know, Pop. She’s looking down on us all, and I know she can’t wait to see what a wonderful abuelo you’ll be.” Javier moved to his father, giving him a comforting pat on his back. 

“Thank you both for blessing me with the opportunity of becoming a grandfather. I know you two will be the best parents. I love you both so very much.” Chucho put the onesie back in the box, grabbing your hand once more while shaking it. 

“We love you, abuelo Chucho.” 

Dinner was purely full of baby discussion after that, like name ideas you already had, what you think the gender will be, how you’ll want to decorate the nursery, when you’ll schedule a doctor’s appointment, and all things alike. You couldn’t lie, you absolutely adored every minute of it seeing the love of your life and a man who was such a prominent father figure in your life discussing even the most minute details about your child who you already know was so extremely loved. 

That night, you and Javi went to bed with smiles that you couldn’t seem to wipe off your faces. He kissed you and pushed up his oversized t-shirt you were wearing to bed, resting his head gently onto your stomach as he tenderly cooed into your soft flesh. 

“Hey there. It’s your papá. I can’t wait to meet you, pequeño. Your mommy and I love you so much already.” You grinned down at Javi, raking your fingers through his hair as he continued to babble on to your unborn child. You’d nearly fallen asleep at the soft timbre of Javi’s voice reverberating the four walls of your bedroom. Javi pulled down his t-shirt on you and kissed your forehead tenderly, wrapping you in his arms. 

“I love you, my beautiful wife. Thank you for choosing me and loving me the way you do. I can’t wait to become a father to our child.” Javi’s voice was raspy as it dwindled to a near-whisper, and when he got no response from you, he looked down to see you’d completely fallen asleep. 

You looked so peaceful. Javi smiled down at you as he softly kissed your forehead one more time before laying his head next to you, thanking the universe and all the shooting stars in the sky that you gave him the gift of a lifetime. 

-

translations:

te amo para siempre — i love you forever

te amo con todo mi corazón — i love you with all my heart

gracias por darme la vida que siempre quise — thank you for giving me the life i always wanted

suegro — father in law

pequeño — little one

tags: @party-hearses ; @tinygarbage ; @nostalxgic ; @bastardmandennis ; @catchallfangirl ; @lizzie-cakes

please lmk if you’d like to be added / removed from the tag list. 🖤

[bosbas]

Chapter 8: no one wanted to play with me as a little kid

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: benedict bridgerton x best friend!fem!reader WC: 3.4k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love being idiots in love (sort of. it's like pre idiots in love. on the cusp of idiots in love), fluff (so much fluff)

Summary: You and Benedict have been best friends since childhood, but things change dramatically once you come out in society. You’re struggling to find someone you’re as compatible with and who knows you as well as Benedict, all while trying to quell your ever-growing feelings for him. Shenanigans ensue.

A/N: you know what. let's pretend all of the ages/years make sense. kisses to all of you!

December 4, 1809 - Dearest, loveliest, most wonderful Y/I (your initial),

I am so sorry I have not written in almost two weeks, though I did enjoy the very strongly worded letter you sent me reminding me of this fact and demanding a response. I wish I had a better excuse, but truthfully, this term has just been hectic. But to answer the question you so politely asked: yes, I will be home in time for Christmas, and I will be staying for New Year's and your birthday (your birthday is not even two weeks after Christmas, darling, give me some credit!). Though I rather think you owe me a present instead of the other way around after calling me an oblivious toad.

As an apology for my silence, I've attached my reading list for the courses I am taking at Oxford this term so you can also read them. I am sure you will be able to find them in your library but do let my mother know if you cannot find them. We should also have copies in our library. I will be heading back to Aubrey Hall in ten days to see the lot of you, and I will eagerly be awaiting all of your thoughts on this term's reading.

Yours, B

You couldn't help the excited gasp that left your lips as soon as you were finished reading Benedict's letter. You hadn't even managed to leave your entryway before you hastily opened the envelope addressed to you, blurting out a thank you to your slightly startled butler, who had been taken aback by your eager rifling of the mail. 

Now that Benedict was at Oxford, you barely got to see him at all, so you were more than a little excited when you read that you would only have to wait ten more days to see him. The three weeks he was home for the winter holiday were the bulk of your in-person interactions with him for the year, as had been the norm for the past three years he had been at university. 

It wasn't all bad, though. Proof of that lay in a box in your bedroom filled with every single letter or note you had received from Benedict while he was away at Oxford. Even the short ones, when he was studying for an exam and barely had time to write a coherent response, had found a place inside your box. You supposed the box contained most of your friendship with Ben over the past three years, neatly organized by date from oldest to newest and separated by term. 

Sometimes, you found yourself missing Benedict more than usual, and you would read through your favorite of his letters. Often, it ended up being the shortest notes that were the sweetest and ones you would read over and over. Even years after he had sent the letters, you found comfort in his messy scrawl after an afternoon playing Pall Mall without Benedict and his typical banter. But once you saw him at Aubrey Hall every December, it would be like no time had passed at all. You kept him up to date on everything happening at home with your family and his, and he told you wild stories from his time at Oxford. 

And although you enjoyed hearing about his life, it was also bittersweet. You were so jealous of him, wishing more than anything that you could go to university, too. But alas, the pesky issue of your gender prevented you from furthering your education. You got as close as you could, though. Benedict would send you all of his readings every term, and you enjoyed discussing the books you read at length when he returned for the holiday season. 

This is not to say that your conversations about literature and art were limited to your in-person time. In fact, most of your correspondence was about the books you were reading or the galleries you had gone to. Ben could spend pages and pages talking about a particular part of a painting, the way the artist had captured the way light filtered through the trees. And you loved every bit of it, engaging in your usual discussions. In a way, if you ignored how much you missed him, it was lovely to have a physical representation of your friendship. 

However, you would soon stop being constrained to receiving correspondence from Ben every few days, and you could simply knock on his door if you were particularly interested in talking about an aspect of your book. Your time at Aubrey Hall had become your favorite time of year, three weeks of daily interactions with your best friend being the absolute best birthday present you could've ever asked for. 

But this year was different. This was the last time you would have to say goodbye at the end of the holidays, seeing as Benedict was graduating in the spring and returning from Oxford permanently. To say you were over the moon was an understatement. You could barely wait to spend hours in his studio watching him paint again or reading aloud to him under the shade of the tree in your backyard on particularly warm days. 

---

August 12, 1799 - Y/I, I thought you would like this one. Yours, B

Bypassing Alex and Anthony having a heated debate about who was better at billiards, Benedict headed straight in your direction across the garden, ignoring Daphne, Colin, Theo, and Bastian, who had been playing some team game that devolved into an argument. Benedict patted your head as he came by to sit beside you on the grass, momentarily drawing your attention away from the massive book on your lap.

Grabbing the book from your lap and transferring it to his own, he asked, "So, what do you think?"

You let out an excited squeal, shaking Benedict's nearest arm with both hands. "It's amazing, Ben! An entire book about flowers, who knew? I've spent hours looking at it already, and I'm not even halfway through! It's got so much information I could die. It's incredible. Thank you so much." Though it was left unsaid, Ben knew these were hours you would have otherwise spent alone. The twins were especially adamant about not having you play with them, and Alex and Anthony were too caught up in their never-ending competitions to pay any attention to you. With your mother and his being occupied with the toddlers, Francesca, Cass, and Eloise, who had only just begun to walk and talk, you and Ben were truly the only odd ones out. But it was no bother to him. He loved when you read aloud to him, and you would happily listen to him talk about his sketches for hours on end, something he could not say about any other member of the Bridgerton-Beaumont cohort. 

Ben could only laugh fondly at your excitement, internally very proud that he had found a book you really enjoyed. "It's called an encyclopedia. There are loads of them about just about anything and everything in the world," he told you, leafing through the book himself. Gently pushing the book back in your direction, he prodded, "Well, go on then. Show me your favorite flowers so far." 

Grabbing the book, you hastily turned the pages until you reached the flowers, starting with the letter 'd.' Standing up, you rushed to the nearest corner of the garden and dug around for a few seconds, coming back with a bunch of small white flowers clutched in your small hands. 

Ben let out a short laugh, but you quickly shushed him, whining, "Stop it! It'll make sense in a second, I promise."

"I didn't say anything!" responded Ben defensively, putting his hands up in the air but unable to conceal the smile you had elicited from him. 

"Okay. Look at the page. The daisies. They're also called Bellis perennis, but that's in Latin. We have them here in the garden! Isn't that lovely?" you said excitedly, placing the flowers beside Ben.

"Oh, that is quite nice, Y/N," he responded, picking one of the daisies up and placing it behind your ear, eliciting a bright smile from you. "Did you know that a Violet is a type of flower? And so is a Primrose."

"You mean both our mums have flower names? That's so fun. I wish everyone could have a flower name," you responded, excited to have learned new information. 

"You could always give your daughters flower names," Ben suggested, enjoying the pure joy you were getting out of this.

"Well, before I have daughters, I would have to get married. And I don't want to do that! I just want to keep reading books. I want to read every single encyclopedia in the world!" you exclaimed, reaching your arms as high as they could go. 

Ben laughed, highly amused by your antics. "Just like me, then. Except instead of reading it's painting," he responded as he laid down fully on the grass, looking up at the sky and feeling particularly thankful that someone understood how he felt. On the other hand, you took the opportunity to dump all of the flowers you had picked onto his torso, arranging and rearranging them into different designs. He could only laugh, not at all bothered that his shirt would surely be dirty now, just happy to watch you enjoy yourself. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, you spoke up as you tried unsuccessfully to stack the flowers on top of each other. "That's perfect, then. We can get married, I can read, and you can paint, and we can have a daughter and give her a flower name."

"That sounds wonderful! I'm glad that's sorted," he laughed, lifting his head to find you flashing a toothy grin. "D'you like the name Daisy for our daughter, then?"

"That's lovely! And you can paint her a painting of a daisy for her room!" you responded eagerly. Benedict hummed in assent, busy imagining the dynamics of a blissful imaginary marriage. 

---

January 3, 1810 - Y/I, Happiest of birthdays, darling. Come downstairs, where I have a proper gift and card waiting for you. Yours, B

As you came downstairs, you already feared the fate that awaited you. Every year, your birthday would begin with a very extreme and frankly excessive snowball fight involving all the Bridgerton-Beaumont children. You could trust no one. Alliances would easily crumble under pressure, and people were just as likely to betray their siblings as they would someone from the other family. You and Benedict, ordinarily inseparable, could become sworn enemies in the span of two snowballs. You couldn't even trust sweet Hyacinth, only seven years old, to be loyal to any team, seeing as she was an outstanding double agent, a lesson you had all learned the hard way. It was absolute chaos, and you loved every second of it. It didn't matter how old you were; this was always the best part of your birthday.

As soon as you stepped outside, a snowball the size of your fist hit your right shoulder. Slowly turning toward the perpetrator, you narrowed your eyes once you saw it was Gregory, who had helped you defeat Bastian and Francesca in one fell swoop last year. Clearly, that alliance was gone, and you would have to find someone else to rely on this year. 

Since it was your birthday, the fight officially started when you threw the first snowball, and this year, you chose to throw it at Cassandra, your own sister, who had annoyed you at dinner yesterday by incessantly flinging peas at you. Once the tightly packed ball left your hand, all hell broke loose. You were hit in the stomach and leg simultaneously as you fired snowballs in every direction you could, laughing as you did. 

You briefly ducked behind a tree trunk, needing a moment to breathe. You took advantage of the fact that you weren't a target to form a massive snowball. You carefully stepped away from behind the trunk, checking that the coast was clear. Without a second thought, you flung the snowball as hard as you could in the direction of the person closest to you. 

Unfortunately, it hit Benedict straight in the face, blinding him for a few moments. Your mouth hung open, trying not to laugh because you knew you had packed quite a bit of force into your throw. You ran to Ben's side, apologizing as much as possible without bursting into laughter. He cleared the snow from his eyes and turned to you slowly, an evil grin forming on his face. 

"I believe you have just declared war, Miss Beaumont," he said finally. 

You screamed and ran in the opposite direction, knowing he would be absolutely merciless. You couldn't even look back, not wanting to slow down. After a few seconds of frantic sprinting, you felt Ben tackling you onto a massive pile of snow. Both of you were laughing hysterically while trying to catch your breath. He turned you over so you were lying down side by side, both of you panting heavily, looking up at the winter sky. 

"I miss you," you said finally, turning your head toward him, only to find that he was already looking at you. He pulled you closer, wrapping both arms around you tightly before he helped you up and brushed the snow off of your coat. 

"I know. I miss you, too. But it'll only be like this for a short while longer, and then you can come round every day and read to me while I paint, yeah?" he said, lifting your chin to look at him. 

Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt your heartbeat quicken, his brown eyes not letting yours go. Your eyes flickered to his mouth briefly, your lips parting slightly. Looking back at his eyes, you saw something flash in them that you couldn't quite parse, an expression you hadn't seen before. Finally, you nodded, letting him pull you into him and kiss your forehead, enjoying the warmth and comfort you felt as you were wrapped tightly in his arms.

---

September 17, 1805 - Y/I, I can't believe you had a book about the exact artist I was talking about! I'll pop by yours later to say a proper thank you. Yours, B

Benedict walked into your sitting room, sprawling on the couch before you with his arm behind his head, silently waiting for you to look up from your book. But you had just gotten to an exciting part, and your eyes remained glued to the page, ignoring your best friend's attempt to get your attention. 

You heard him huff and muttered a soft "Just a second, Ben" as your eyes raced across the page, eager to know what happened next. In response, he slid further down the couch and crossed his arms, eliciting a laugh from you and finally drawing you away from your book. 

"You were barely waiting ten seconds, Benedict!" you exclaimed, secretly pleased he was so eager to see you. He was leaving for Oxford in a few weeks, and although you were trying not to think about the reality of him going, you were acutely aware that you would soon be unable to see him every day.

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly, responding with a teasing, "It felt like ten years!" 

In recent months, the two of you had become inseparable. Your days were spent reading next to him as he painted, listening to him talk about his most recent artworks, or going for nature walks if you found yourself in Aubrey Hall. Anything to keep him close by before he left for Oxford, you reasoned. Though you couldn't help the growing affection, you were feeling, finding it impossible to look away when he tousled his hair just so and being a bit too pleased every time he complimented you. Every handsome smile or cheeky wink he sent your way lit you up inside, melting your heart just a little bit.

The problem was, and of course, there was a problem, that Benedict was always like this. Nothing about his demeanor had changed; your friendship was still the same as it had always been. Except now you found yourself spending a little too much time in the mornings making sure your hair looked good in case he popped by unannounced. Regardless, you knew Ben did not reciprocate your affections, so you tried to ignore these feelings as best as you could, folding them up very small and tucking them neatly in the corner of your heart for later examination.

Now, you found yourself on a couch against a wall of Benedict's studio, reading Romeo and Juliet as he was quietly sketching. This was quite possibly your favorite thing to do. Spend quiet afternoons together, reading and painting, enjoying each other's company. You took a moment to look at him as he scrunched his nose, unhappy with a certain aspect of the sketch. 

He sighed and looked up at you, nodding toward your book. "What has Shakespeare got to say today?"

"That marriage is a death sentence," you replied, voice deadpan. 

Ben burst into laughter. "Oh, come off it. It can't be that bad in real life. That's only a play! Besides, you've still got a while before you have to think about that," he tried to reason with you.

"Well, maybe. But it just sounds so unappealing. I want to do this. What we're doing now. I want to keep doing it. I don't want to be a wife! I just want to read and study," you argued. 

Benedict stood up, coming to sit beside you and placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I know, darling. I'm sorry," but he knew you had more to say.

You groaned, pushing your forehead into his shoulder. "I just don't think I'll ever be happy if I'm forced to marry. And I most likely will be, knowing my mother. She'd rather die than have one of her daughters turn into a spinster," you huffed, missing the sympathetic look you got from Ben. "And who will my husband be? A clueless man with no interest in me beyond my ability to be a good wife? I cannot imagine a worse fate."

---

May 8, 1810 - Y/I, I'll keep this one short, seeing how I'll be properly back in a few days! I've been quite busy with graduation, but I'm excited to come home. Yours, B

You smiled as you placed the last letter you had received from Benedict back in your box. The collection was complete. Three years of correspondence between the two of you finally come to an end. You carefully closed the box and returned downstairs, where a big family gathering was occurring in the garden. 

As soon as you stepped outside, Ben was at your side, chatting your ear off about one thing or another. He had barely left you alone since he had been back, granting you only a few minutes to yourself, but you couldn't complain. You wrapped an arm around his torso as you walked back to the garden table. 

"Oh, you look so darling!" cried Violet, cooing at the two of you. 

"You're proper adults now! Both of you! How the time has passed," your mother added, reaching out to hold Violet's hand. 

Benedict could only smile, too happy to be back at your side to focus on anything else. He had missed you loads while he was at Oxford, but having your arm around him now, he realized just how much he needed you. Ben placed a soft kiss on the top of your head, unable to help himself as you sat down at the table. He sat right next to you, taking one of your hands into his own so he could play with your fingers as you chatted with Primrose and Violet. 

Oxford had been a riot, to be sure, but he was so glad to come home to you.

—

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Tag List (lmk if you want to be added!): @bellahadidnt16 @like-gabriel-and-castiel @riverraingrayworld @5sos-calm @elissanatok @titanicnerd-blog @noonenuts @moonwayne @lilasblogg @mmontgomeryb @fulltacoparadise @joyfullymulti

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest Halloween - Wrath

Summary: An eye for an eye, or better yet, an egg for an egg.

Word Count: 1313

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Friendship, humor, teenage angst, Freak #3 is named Dave in this universe, bullying, emotional outburst, revenge, typical Halloween pranks, Hopper needing to put his Sheriff pants on (still ACAB)

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! Even if you didn't start on the first day, you can still participate.

Tagging @the-unforgivenn @1lostsoul0fishbowl upon request.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

Saturday, October 26th 1985

The members of Corroded Coffin weren't strangers when it came to being bullied.

They'd heard all of the "don't let it bother yous" and "they'll stop if you ignore its." But when things never got better...well...that just meant they never got better.

At least they had each other.

Especially on the Saturday before Halloween.

They had practice leading up to their usual Tuesday gig at the Hideout. Gareth's mom had gotten into the holiday spirit, providing the boys with apple cider and a bowl of candy corn, not to mention bat earrings that she couldn't help but show off.

They excitedly chattered about plans for their special Halloween performance and even added the Monster Mash to their set.

It was all good fun.

Until a bunch of assholes crashed the session.

Oh, or as they better known, Gareth's neighbors.

He lived in a pretty nice neighborhood. Not Loch Nora, no, but the kind of neighborhood where everyone had a welcome mat and were expected to take off your shoes before going in. A neighborhood full of two car garages and a fenced in back yards and an above ground pool every now and then.

Most neighbors put up with the noise once a week, but there were always the few who hated it. Coincidentally, those stragglers included some kids at school who always gave them grief.

"Well if it isn't the freaks playing Dungeons and Douchebags."

"You guys getting ready to sacrifice virgins in the woods next week?"

"That means they need to sacrifice Emerson, doesn't it?"

The jabs were usually met with middle fingers or tongues or a crude joke about "your mom."

What the group of metalheads weren't expecting today was the barrage of eggs that Andy and his pals threw at them.

One egg splattered against Gareth's drum kit, another got into the frets of Dave's base, one hit Jeff's face, and then two matted into Eddie's hair.

The jocks had the good sense to run away, chuckling and high-fiving, before their victims could react.

All four of the boys cleaned up the mess with their heads hung and jaws clenched. The rest of practice was canceled, in favor of going to Family Video and getting a few scary movies.

Eddie just had to go home and shower first.

Or so they thought.

By the time he returned, it was dark, and when they jogged out to the van, they were met with a surprise.

"Uh, hey Ed," Jeff frowned as he climbed in and saw a pile of bags from Bradleys. "You forget your groceries back here or something?"

"What is all of this shit?" Dave questioned and nosily looked inside.

Shaving cream, squeezy cheese, toilet paper, a head of cabbage, and bars of soap.

"Change of plans boys!" Eddie announced as he shifted the van into drive. "Everyone buckle in, it's Revenge of the Nerds tonight."

He had a great plan--tp-ing houses, egging cars, leaving little surprises in mailboxes--and nothing that could really be traced back to them. Just good old Halloween pranks.

"Everyone's allowed to be a dick to us," Eddie explained. "But we have to just sit back and be little angels? Otherwise we turn into monstrous villains? No sir."

"Yeah, why do we just have to sit back and take it?" Gareth agreed.

"This'll be our chance to destroy them!" Dave cackled, implying his dibs on several rolls of toilet paper.

"Destroy is a strong word there," Jeff, ever the voice of reason, interjected.

"Yeah, we're not out for destruction," Eddie agreed and then tilted his head back and forth. "Except maybe smashing a few pumpkins. And I might have a few small--Jeff, don't give me that look--small fireworks leftover from the 4th of July that we can fuck someone's mailbox up if we're up for it."

There was silence in the van.

"So are we up for it?" Eddie looked at them all expectantly, only to be met with cheers and claps on the shoulder.

It was a great night.

TP-ing the Miller's house. Egging the Johnson's.

Drawing dicks and the hairiest balls on Jason Carver's car windows with soap.

Wrapping Steve Harrington's car with cling wrap.

Anyone who ever made the boys feel like they were weirdos, freaks, less than, were targets.

They even had a special surprise for good old Higgins.

"Best forty bucks I ever spent," Eddie cackled as he sprinkled instant mashed potatoes onto the lawn.

"It's like the opposite of the Grinch," Gareth snorted as he sprayed shaving cream into the mailbox. "Wish we had some dog poop though."

"One of us could take a shit on his porch," Dave snickered.

They all stifled their laughs as they continued their mischief.

It all went by, seemingly, without a hitch, and they headed home with big smiles.

Eddie even offered to stop by DQ to celebrate.

But there was no celebration, because as they turned out of a neighborhood that Eddie's van certainly didn't belong in, they got the surprise of police lights and a tell tale whoop whoop.

And chaos reigned.

"What do we do?"

"Do you think it's Callahan?"

"I can't go to jail! Do you think they'll take a plea?"

Thankfully Hopper appeared once they pulled over.

How many times had Hop let them off the hook with just a slap on the wrist and maybe the confiscation of their weed? Too many times to count. None of it was officially on any record; even they knew how much their sheriff hated paperwork.

There was that one incident on the steps of town hall though...

"Munson," the older man sighed as the window was rolled down. "Am I gonna have to call your uncle tonight?"

"Depends on what you pulled me over for," Eddie responded, cocksure.

Hop leaned his head in and looked at the other boys, who wore varying expressions of nervousness and terror.

"What were you kids doing tonight?" he asked and leaned back.

"Just taking a drive," Eddie shrugged.

"Uh huh," Hop nodded. "Any parties?"

"We just had band practice tonight, we're going to get some ice cream."

"There any weed in here?"

"Maybe a joint in the glovebox. If I give it to you, are we free to go?"

"Is that a bribe?" Hopper shot him a stern glare and then dropped the pretense with a sigh. "Got a call from old Mrs. Bengston. Said she saw some shadowy figures defacing a neighbors house. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

Immediately, all the boys froze.

Hop snorted with a quiet thought so muttered under his breath.

"I'm gonna give you boys a little warning," he leaned into the window once more and shot them all stern glares. He reached out his hand and pointed to the glove box, and Eddie was quick to reach over and grab the little plastic baggie with a leftover joint out and place it in the older man's hand. That baggie disappeared back out the window, never to be seen again. "And some advice."

They all nodded.

"You should wait until Halloween night exactly if you're gonna play pranks. Then it's good, clean fun. Not vandalism."

The van was suddenly inundated with "yes sir" and "we'd never" from all four boys overlapping voices.

Hopper nodded, patted his hand on the window sill, and was about to walk away, when he stopped. He leaned into the window again and slid his hand into the unfastened breast pocket of Eddie's vest, then extracted the little packet of M-150s.

"You're good kids," he said with finality. "Stay safe out there."

He walked away and the boys all waited until he was gone to let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Hey guys," Dave began nervously. "Remember when I said one of us could shit on Higgins' porch? You think it's too late to go back?"

[addledmongoose]

A Generic Guide To Emigrating From The US

For Americans, I'm going to give a generic rundown of the steps you need to take if you should decide you want or need to move out of the US. I can't give specific information, not even for Mexico, because it changes a lot, but these steps are going to be fairly standard for any country.

Step 1: Check the immigration requirements for the country/countries you're considering. There's a very big difference between visiting as a tourist and moving, and no country has to allow you in. You will always be a guest in the country to some extent, unless you become a citizen.

There's usually an income or savings requirement, and it's likely to be above what the average citizen of that country needs. For example, in Mexico, for temporary residency (up to 4 years), you need a minimum net income of "US$4,350 per month, every month, over the last 6 months." Income doesn't have to mean a job; it can mean retirement accounts, dividends, etc. And make sure you're at least somewhat closer to being ready to go, because these things change all the time. (Temp residency in Mexico will (should) transfer to perm residency after four years if you want it without the additional income requirement).

There can also be other requirements, but every country is different. Check host relocation services in the country in question. They may have a blog or a way to ask questions, and even if they charge for a Zoom meeting, they're probably cheaper than an immigration attorney for basic questions.

Step 2: You find you meet the requirements, now what? While you're gathering up all the documents you need, you need to be actively paring down your possessions. How much you pare down is a personal choice. (We moved with three suitcases and three cat carriers, then two more suitcases worth of stuff we'd stored with my parents when we returned to the US for the holidays the next year). We spent two years getting rid of everything (but admittedly, a death in the family and then COVID shoved our plans back by a year and change, so we went a little slower than necessary).

Ebay, thrift stores, garage sales, giving to friends and family. Get rid of as much stuff as you feel comfortable with, because shipping your possessions is expensive. Yes, that means you're going to be rebuying a lot of stuff, but it's probably cheaper to rebuy that spatula than to ship it.

Also, do as much research on your host country as you can. Culture. Some history. Start trying to learn the language if you don't know it, so you can at least handle basic greetings and such. There are things you wont know until you get there, but do your best.

Step 3: You need a bank account that works well for immigrants. We have Charles Schwab, because they don't have minimum balance requirements for setting up an account, they let you make as many accounts as you want under your username, you can photograph checks with the app to deposit them, and they refund ATM fees. But I'm sure there are others. Don't get rid of your local bank account, though. You'll still need it for now.

Step 4: You'll need a mailbox service in the US. We use Traveling Mailbox, but there are plenty of others. You want one with a good reputation, because they'll be opening financial documents, checks, and credit cards on your behalf. That'll be your new address of residence for the US. Your US mail gets sent there; they scan it for you; and you decide if you want to download it, mail it to yourself or another address (I usually mail it to my parents to pick up during the holidays), or shred it. While you're doing that, also try to stop as much mail as possible, because they usually have limits on the number of monthly scans.

Step 5: A couple weeks before you leave, go to your bank (not Schwab, they don't have physical locations like traditional banks) and get some of your host country's currency. You'll get the best exchange rate that way, and it'll help you out in the first few weeks, even if your host country is very digital. (I can use my US credit cards almost everywhere but some small tienditas, but we still keep pesos around).

Step 6: Don't try to do the immigration process yourself! Even if you speak the language. Immigration is a whole beast, and if you mess it up badly enough, you could even find yourself permanently banned from the country (unlikely but not impossible). Either use an immigration attorney or a host relocation service. I can't say which one is best, because it's going to depend on your host country. (For Mexico, at least three years ago, you don't need one until you actually arrive in Mexico to finish the immigration process).

Step 7: If you aren't fluent in the language, don't be afraid to hire someone bilingual for bigger purchases like buying a house or a car. You can get through day-to-day stuff without being fluent, but you don't want to mess up your house purchase because you can't communicate with your real estate agent. (And do make an active effort to acquire the language skills. It's polite, and it'll make your life a lot easier).

And once again, you're a guest in the country. There will be things you like about your new country; things you don't like; and things that are different but not better or worse. You'll have to accept all of it, and it's not your job to come in and try to change things.

[xxstorywriterxx]

Your local barista / Part 9

Larissa Weems x fem reader fanfiction

You´re a barista working at Weathervane. A tall blonde, beautiful woman comes in from time to time to get a coffee and talk to you. She seems nice at first but after a while you find yourself wondering if you could become more than friends?

Thank you so much for your support! I´ll try to post updates every week!

Link to the following chapter is at the bottom.

Warnings: a little smut at the end

"Good morning, Sunshine!" Larissa Weems opened the door to the Weathervane with a bright smile on her red lips. She wore a coat-like dress, her hand with red painted fingernails was holding a black purse, her hair was pinned up as usual and she had big black sunglasses on her nose. Even though it was still quite early in the morning, the sun was already out and flooding the entire town with warmth. "Good morning to you too, my Love!" You got around the bar and headed towards Larissa, who had placed her handbag on a chair. She took off her glasses when you came nearer and placed her hands on your waist. "It´s so good to see you!" Her voice was quite and low as she looked you up and down, causing you to shiver. You looked up to the goddess. "I missed you so much!" You looked at her lips, smiling. Right now you wanted nothing more than to finally feel the softness of those red and juicy lips. You wanted to taste her, to be as close as possible to your greatest desire and weakness. She bit on her lower lip just before she pressed her´s against your´s. You felt like flying as soon as you smelled her bloomy scent and tasted the strawberry balm on her mouth.

Ever since you had spend the night at Larissa´s apartment two weeks ago, you were pretty much insepreable. Due to your work schedules you only slept at each others houses on the weekends but Larissa came to the cafe extra early in the morning and you opened it an hour earlier than usual, just so you could have a reason to be together. On days you were missing each other the most you delivered her coffee to Nevermore, causing the two of you to run late to various appointments and workshifts but it was absolutley worth every second of it, especially because of little intimate sessions you shared. She made you feel happy and safe, as if you were walking on clouds. You couldn´t remember the last time you were in love with someone the way you were with Larissa. Of course you hadn´t told her yet. It was way too early to do so and never the right moment anyway. But you planned on confessing to her soon. You dreamed of a future together and couldn´t wait for it to finally happen.

When you stopped kissing she sat down on a chair, you brought her the usual morning coffee and got next to her. She drank it with a satisfied look on her face. "I have to be honest. The only reason I´m with you is your great coffee and the opportunity to get one every morning." She smiled at you. You let out a dramatic sigh. "I knew from the start you were just using me!" Then the two of you started to laugh. Larissa was so beautiful when doing so. She reached over to you and grabbed your hand. Her skin was so soft. You just stared at each other for some time before Larissa continued talking. "I was thinking. How about we take some time off? Just us. We could do a little trip on the weekend. I own a cabin near a lake only a one hour drive away from here. It could be our first holiday together!" "Wait, you own a cabin?" Larissa laughed at your stunned face. "Yes, I do. I bought it a few years ago and when I need some alone time I go there over the weekend. So, what do you think?" "That sounds great! I haven´t been on a holiday in ages!" "Alright. Then it´s settled. We wanted to spend this weekend together anyway. How about we head off right away?" You raised her hand to your mouth and kissed it. "Sounds perfect to me." Larissa looked at you happily. "Great. Let´s drive there on Friday after work. I´ll pick you up at your house." "Alright! I can´t wait to spend some time with you away from home." She leaned over to you and gave you a kiss. "Me neither, Darling."

The next few days were passing slowly. You got more and more excited to head off with Larissa. Time seemed to be standing still except when you spend time with her. Your best friend Isaac was almost as excited as you were, when you told him about the two of you being away for the weekend. "It´s the perfect opportunity to tell her about your feelings!" Isaac said on Thursday after your shift. He had picked you up and you went grocery shopping for the trip. "It´ll be so romantic. The two of you alone in a cabin. A beautiful blue lake outside the window. A hot fire burning in the fire place. You all cuddled up on the sofa." You had to laugh. "Oh, please. Sounds like you would really want to go instead of me. Also you just described the perfect Hollywood-cliche romance." "But maybe it is! I mean, look at you! You´re going out with the most gorgeous woman ever. You fell for her ages ago and when you finally got the courage to make the first move she even liked you back! You two get along so well. You have the same sense of humor, you really appreciate each other and you share some sort of tragic youth." You giggled at his last sentence. "Trust me. You two seem like a couple straight out of a movie." You grabbed a bag of crisps from a shelve. "Maybe you´re right. But still. We´re just people. I mean, we´re going on a holiday. Nothing special." Actually, it was something special to you. And Larissa really wasn´t just a normal person to go on a trip with. Your stomach was full of butterflies as soon as you even thought about leaving with her tomorrow. But of course you wouldn´t tell Isaac about that. He didn´t have to know how deep your feelings for Larissa actually were. "'Nothing special'. Just listen to yourself. Who would actually say that about their first trip with their partner? You´re so in love, it´s ridiculous." "Sh, Isaac. Would you shut up about it already? Besides we haven´t... we haven´t labelled us as anything yet." You blushed a little. "Are you joking? Are you telling me that you don´t know wether you are a couple just because you haven´t 'confirmed' it yet?" "Well, ugh, yes?" Isaac looked at you, shocked. "Unbelievable. Y/n you really are unbelievable." "What? What do you mean?" "Oh, just pull yourself together! You two are in love. You spend as much time together as possible. I saw the way she looked at you, the way she stroke your cheek. Everytime the door to the Weathervane opens you look disappointed when it is not her who is walking in. And now, after like what? Two weeks of dating she invited you to her private cabin? Just finally admit it. You´re a couple. You don´t necessarily need words for that. You just feel it." You thought about his words for a moment. "You´re a wise man, Isaac." He sighed and grabbed a Dr. Pepper. "I know."

On Friday you were barely able to focus on work. All you could think about was your weekend with Larissa. You couldn´t eat during the day because you were so nervous about being away with her. When your shift finally ended you rushed home and took a shower. You got ready and changed into a comfortable but classy outfit. You finished packing your bags and waited for Larissa to arrive. After a few minutes your phone started buzzing.

'I´m waiting downstairs for you, Love! XX'

You felt your stomach going crazy reading her message. You grabbed your stuff and rushed out of the door towards Larissa´s car. It was very different from the car she drove for Nevermore incidents. Her private car was a black sports car with tainted windows. It looked new and expensive. You put your bags into the trunk and opened the door to the passenger seat. You glided onto the clean beige leather seat. "Hello, Darling!" Larissa purred. She grabbed your chin and kissed you. You felt your entire body shiver. When she topped kissing you she stayed close to your face, staring at your lips. "Ready to set off?" she almost whispered. The only thing you could do was nod. She stroke your cheek, then leaned back into her seat. She started the engine and before you knew you were out of town and down the highway. "How was your day?" you asked her, still feeling a bit nervous about spending the days away with Larissa. How stupid, you thought to yourself. "Oh, it was just a normal school day, as always. But I have to admit I was quite excited the entire day. I´ve been really looking forward to our weekend. I could barely think of anything else the entire time." She gave you a bright smile and suddenly you were able to relax more. Larissa being excited as well made you feel less embarrassed. "Me too actually," you admitted. "My shift didn´t seem to end. It was horrible. I´m so glad I´m finally sitting in your car." Larissa moved a hand away from the steering weel and placed it on your thigh. "I feel the same way." She smiled while looking at the road. You felt your ears getting hot.

The entire drive you talked about funny and annoying work stories, laughed about the two of you being distracted because of each other at work and then listened to some music. As it turned out you both enjoyed a similar taste in music, which was a pretty good mix of everything. Florence +the Machine, Elton John, Beethoven, Miley Cyrus and Marina and The Diamonds were only a few examples. You enjoyed the ride so much that you were almost sad when you arrived at the cabin. The sun was going down behind the trees surrounding the building. It was made out of stone walls with wooden accents and had big clean windows. Only a few feet away was a big beautiful lake, in which the sun reflected in different shades of Red, Yellow and Orange. A stone path reached right from the three parking lots in front of the building up to the front door. "Wow," was the only thing you were able to say while you were staring at it. "How come your 'cabin' is ten times bigger than my flat?" "Because I worked hard and I am a few years ahead of you." Larissa gave you a kiss on the head and walked ahead of you, carrying both of your bags inside. When you walked into the house you started staring again. It smelled just like Larissa inside. Bloomy with a hint of Vanilla. Downstairs was a big living room with a huge fire place and a TV above. A big white rug was placed in front of it an a few feet away was a beige sofa. Many bookshelves were placed at the back of the room and through the window you could see the lake. Next to the living room was a big kitchen from which you could also see the lake. A bathroom and a small office were on the other side of the house. Upstairs were the master bedroom, with a view over the lake of course, two big bathrooms and two smaller guest rooms. "This place is insane!" you said coming downstairs. Larissa had started a fire in the fire place and handed you a glass with red wine. "I´m glad you like it. It is very important to me that my partner feels welcome and safe in my home." You had just started nipping on your wine but let it sink. "Your partner?" "Partner, girlfriend, whatever you wanna call it." Larissa shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her wine. Then she realised your surprised face. "Are you ok, Love?" "You... we have never called each other... partners. Or anything like that." Larissa got worried and placed her glass on a small table in front of the sofa. "I´m sorry, did I got too far? I just thought that... you know, it would be the only appropriate thing to call ourselves but if you´re not ready to do so that´s fine but-" You rushed forward and hugged her tight. She placed her head on top of yours and pressed your body against her’s. Then you gave her a long kiss. She was so perfect. "I love it. I´m so glad you said it. Because I didn´t want to make you uncomfortable calling you my girlfriend. I was so unsure if you would like it." Larissa looked at you for a few seconds. Then she burst into the most beautiful laughter. You blushed a little. "Oh, shut up!" "No, no y/n. It´s just... we´ve been acting like a proper couple for the last to weeks, we know we like and care for each other. We fucked multiple times," you felt a shiver running down your spine "and you thought I wouldn´t want to be called your girlfriend? That´s so-" "Embarrassing?" "It´s cute!" She gave you a hug, then started kissing you. The kissing turned into a proper make-out session and before you knew you were laying on the rug in front of the fire place. "About us having sex multiple times..." you said with a dirty grin on your face. "Yeah?" Larissa´s eyes were dark, full of lust. "How about we do some more?" You felt your face getting hot. Your lips were wet from Larissa´s kisses and you had a few little bites down your neck. "Mh, that´s what you need right now?" Larissa´s voice was dark. She placed one hand on your inner thigh. "Oh, yes. Definetly." You grabbed one of her ass cheeks. Her entire body was slightly shaking. "Well, in that case..." She said, taking her shirt off, revealing your greatest desire. Her body.

[elliefenton]

Holiday Truce 2023: The Conspiracy Surrounding One Danny Fenton

Happy Holiday Truce @scarletsaphire! I hope you like it! Sorry I'm a day late, I had a lot going on the last few days and completely forgot to post this. I used your prompt 'Danny being not quite human and freaking people out (on purpose or accidentally).' I also included a little bit of Johnny and Kitty!

@phandomholidaytruce

Summary: Danny's classmates notice some peculiarities about him.

It took everyone a while to notice.

They knew the Fentons were weird. They knew Danny Fenton was weird. But they didn’t realize just how weird he was.

They knew he wasn’t always this way. Back in middle school, he was actually normal compared to the rest of his family. But he was gone for a few days at the beginning of freshman year, and when he came back, he was different.

It started with small things. He seemed to leave the room right before a ghost showed up. That was explainable, his parents had tech that could track ghosts, Danny probably carried something like that on him, and he was so scared of ghosts that he just left the second he knew they were coming.

But then there were other things, things they couldn’t explain away so easily.

Whenever he left the room in the middle of class, it suddenly got… warmer? And that was weird. They’d heard of ghosts turning a room colder, but the lack of a specific human turning the room warmer was very odd.

Sometimes, the classroom would get warmer without Danny raising his hand, and someone would look back at his seat to find it empty. That raised some questions about how he was leaving the classroom without people noticing, because someone would see if he went out the door, right? And the school’s windows didn’t open, so he couldn’t have left through there.

People started to pay more attention to him, and that was when they noticed the really weird things.

It had been a few months since the beginning of freshman year, and it was now the middle of winter. Danny was in his usual Christmas Grinch mode, which was expected by now. His entire class was used to his attitude around Christmas time. But what was unusual was the fact that he showed up to school every day without even a jacket. Everyone else, including his two friends, came to school wearing a coat and gloves, maybe even a scarf or hat, and this kid walked in with short sleeves and jeans. He never once looked cold.

He actually seemed to be thriving in the cold, looking more refreshed than he had in the previous seasons, like maybe he was getting more sleep.

He also started to keep weird company outside of school. Someone swore they saw him and his friends at the Nasty Burger hanging out with that biker couple Phantom used to chase around. They were pretty sure that guy used to date Danny’s sister, and was presumably a ghost since Phantom used to hunt him down, so what was he doing hanging around with them, especially as afraid of ghosts as he was?

At this point, a group had formed around these conspiracy theories about Danny. They shared information, held meetings, and even had a Discord server. One might even call them a cult. When Wes Weston started yelling about his theory that Danny Fenton was Danny Phantom, the group laughed at him. Not in disbelief, but in pity. They knew better than to let anyone know of their suspicions, and if Wes didn’t shut up soon, they’d have to teach him that being discreet was the best way to keep being able to investigate.

At the end of the year, the weirdest thing of all happened. Danny Fenton started… acting normal? He stopped skipping class, started dressing normally again, and was acting much more like a fully functioning human being. Suddenly, the only weird thing about him was his hair, which had white streaks in it now.

When news of the asteroid was announced two weeks later, the group knew Danny Fenton was somehow going to be involved in whatever came next. Especially when both the Fentons and Tucker Foley became directly involved in trying to solve the issue. The reveal that Danny Fenton was Danny Phantom came as no surprise to anyone involved.

Wes Weston, of course, was bragging about how he was right, but no one paid him any mind.

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 102 // How Do You Feel? // Day 78

Contents (Warnings): Sum up what's left (Angst, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 2,000+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: definitely not Mariah Carey's all I want for Christmas is you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(Dec. 20th, Tuesday)

Lynette

It had been nearly two weeks since the incident.

After we were collected, given immediate care, exchanged our testimonies, and debriefed, we were allowed to go home. 

Most of it was mashed together in my mind. I figured it was due to how fast everything happened. Working at the pizzeria is a testimony to that statement. 

I knew there were mass casualties—most of the people in the basement were recovered, and Andras, along with Victoria, were in custody, most likely going to be put to death.

I didn't know the extent of the C.P.P.A.'s legal system and wanted to avoid asking Wicks. Despite claiming he was okay, I knew he wasn't. 

Lately, he was antsy. He'd check on me every hour, and each time he did, he'd offer me sweets—far more than usual. His excuse was that he had to dispose of the ever-increasing keep-away-from-Lentils stash.

And before I left today, he made me promise three things. 

"One, you won't go out with anyone, monster or not, unless Charletta, Mom, Dad, or I go with you."

It felt fair for now. I hadn't made any human friends. 

"Two, IF anyone bothers you after you tell them to leave or you feel uneasy about them in any way. Use your knife."

I received it after finishing my training last week. I currently had it strapped to my belt, concealed behind my jacket at my back. 

I was afraid to admit that even thinking about seriously stabbing someone scared me. 

It'll get more manageable if I keep training with Garter. I assured myself.

"Three, if you get in a coworker-related trouble again at any point, you're quitting."

It was the only compromise I'd give him. It wasn't their fault. Neither Claudia nor Drake expected that to happen. I convinced him to agree, but I wasn't sure if I'd go back or not.

"Here's your pretzel," my sister said. She unconsciously hummed the current Christmas song on the speakers: ' All I want for Christmas is no copyright infringements.' 

We were at the mall together, getting last-minute Christmas gifts for the family. All we had to do was wait for Wenna to arrive. 

I still think dragging me along with them is a bad idea. I thought.

After what happened, Drake wasn't permitted to be around me for the next month. Because of the extreme stress of being constantly deprived of energy and drinking my blood back to back to back, he got addicted. 

From what I understood, if a vampire was under pressure and continued to drink from the same person, their body deemed no other "resources" available, so it'd become possessive and protective over that "resource." That'd also mean they'd exclusively crave that being's blood. 

So, Drake would be drinking animal blood for the next month to 'reset his palette.' This apparently happened to him with Elise, Viola's partner as well.  

Wenna assured me she'd stay at Viola's house after she left the mall, so Drake wouldn't have exposure to my scent either. 

It made giving him a birthday gift a little more complicated. I said in my head as I took a bite of the pretzel while we walked. Charletta happily tore into hers beside me.

We had yet to walk into any festively decorated storefronts, but seeing them made my smile come alive. Not that I hadn't been to the mall in a while—Wicks and I'd come here at least once a month since the rock climbing place we visited every week was next door.

The adorning wreaths and garlands in cahoots with the cinnamon and pine scents delighted me. I loved buying gifts for people, and this was the holiday with the biggest and best excuse to spend my money on it. I hadn't had a reason to use much of the money I'd made at the pizzeria. 

This realization brought me back to what I should do. If I stayed, I planned on going back after Christmas. 

After I finished my pretzel, I threw away the napkin, and Charletta tugged my arm. 

"Hey, we should sit at those chairs you like." She slipped her phone back into her pocket. 

Before she continued to drag me, we waited for the excited kids to run by to see Santa at the huge, well decorated, Christmas tree.

"I remember when you and Madre had to put up with me pulling Wicks to Santa." I chuckled as I plopped onto the chair, feeling the motionless massagers underneath me awaiting my money. I also noted the other person using one behind mine. 

Charletta fell back on the one next to me and laughed, too: "That first time he was put on his lap. He was bawling and begging for Mom to get him." 

I whimpered, "I still feel so bad. I thought you guys knew who Santa was!" I put a dollar into her chair and mine. 

"We had a monster similar to Krampus back on Yexodele, but no Santa." She said with a shake of her head. 

A monster similar to KRAMPUS? I would have asked further, if the other part of what she said didn't get my attention too. "On Yexodele?"

"We lived there before we came here." Charletta closed her eyes and relaxed back. "We should get a massage at one of the shops with Wenna." 

"Then why did you..." It had been so long since it was mentioned to me, but I remembered what Drake said. 

"I never saw it, though, Yexodele. I was born on Earth." [...] "There was a big war that broke out between the strongest nations, and now nearly all of it is uninhabitable."

"Oh, right." I sheepishly replied.

Despite Charletta's smile, her face contained freckles of concern. She asked, "have you been told about it?"

"Yeah, Drake told me some things about the war."

"It was crazy. I was thirteen when we came here." She bustled with laughter and waved her hand around, seemingly to avoid the topic. "You know how hard it was not to use any of my tricks in front of people and to be around people that looked like me."  

I didn't press her. "I think it's similar to how I feel knowing about everything now." It was disorienting to see some people at the mall, knowing one could be a giant monster living here peacefully or, like Andras, not so much.

I followed her lead and shut my eyes, too. Beneath my eyelids, the images of what has happened so far, the good and the bad, fluttered about. It's been, what, a little over four months? 

"Speaking of things you can't always see," Charletta nudged my arm with her elbow. "What's on your mind?" 

I flinched as the massage chair got to my neck. I pulled away from it for a moment and sighed.

"What should I do?"

"About?"

"You know…" How could I explain it?

Charletta turned her attention to mean, leaning up in her chair. "What do you feel you should do?"

I shrugged and played with one of my curls. "I don't know. Claudia's nice, and Zilla's not bad. As long as she's not using me in some hair-brain scheme, she's fine. Lev is Lev, Drake... I don't blame him for what happened." It was all Andras. He abused us both and manipulated Drake. I'd attempt to treat him the same; even with the incident at the festival, he was the only one who acted friendly and genuine to me. 

"And Alexander," my thoughts sank. There had been so many things dwelling under the surface of my mind. Yet Alexander's face stuck out the most. I had never seen him like that. He was always annoyed, unbothered, or hungry, never terrified. 

"I-I never had someone look at me like that before." I kept vividly hearing his raspy, hard breathing and seeing his body shake and stammer in retreat. "He looked afraid of me when he's the scary opposing one-" I don't understand how Andras could derive satisfaction from it. It made me feel sick and overwhelmed with the need to chase him. I wanted to know why he ran away from me and refused to accept what I said.

"From what Wicks told me, things went down, and Alexander had other complicated feelings at the time," Charletta said calmly.

I didn't know Wicks talked to you about it. "That's why I was trying to get it through to him. He went back to help Wicks!"

"Knowing you, of course, you did," Charletta said as she paid the chairs for us this time when they ran out. "You shouldn't fret too much about that big softie. He'll be fine."

I did a double take and choked on my spit. I coughed, "wha-" I continued the fit for a little longer. "He's not a softie!"

Charletta pursed her lips together to hold back her giggles, then popped them when she got a handle over herself, "I did my own investigation during Thanksgiving because Wicks wouldn't stop complaining about him."

"Huh?" That's right. She sparred with Alexander during the party. "that's why you fought him?""

She tilted her head, "duh." She rested her hands behind her head momentarily before she realized the robotic massage went up to it. "I wanted to know if he was as stupid and rude as Wicks described. " 

He's blunt and abrasive. I didn't know whether I'd call him dumb or not. Just not as receptive?

"I think he's pretty simple," she scoffed. "He's definitely quick with magic and a lot more trusting than I imagined." Charletta rested her head back, "even after I threatened him." 

"Threatened?"

She brushed her wavy brown locks from her face. "What? You think I'm not a little peeved that he might not treat my little sister respectfully?" She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "It worked out well."

"I guess." 

"Do you think otherwise"

"I wouldn't fight someone for that reason," I muttered quietly. 

Charletta flicked her hand from mine and pushed my chin up, "And there's your answer."

I didn't move from the position she put me in, "not to fight people?" I could have told you that.

Charletta tipped her finger off my chin. "You decide what you do." She put her hands flat over her chest. "I can say what I think is best, same as I'm sure everyone else has or can for you, but we aren't you."

She pointed at me. "You're going through everything, Lyn. You know what you can handle and what you can take. And if you don't know yet, you'll learn." 

She's right. I was afraid to make this decision alone—why did I keep fighting with Wicks then? I don't want to give up, do I? 

"It's your decision, not theirs," she said, teasingly poking me. "I know it can be tough, especially with Mom and Wicks always coddling you."

My smile wavered. I let my head fall, staring at my knees, going over the side grooves in my jeans with my fingers, "What if I fail again?"

"You don't fail if you try. You fail when you give up and stop trying entirely. If you leave or stay now and leave later, that doesn't mean utter defeat. You tried, and you can work elsewhere if it doesn't work out there." She leaned closer; our chair timers were up. "Like, does it make you a failure at rock climbing if you can't do a wall?"

I shook my head. "No. I'd do a different one until I get good enough to do the one I couldn't." 

"Exactly, or you might never go back to that wall again. It might not be your style, fit your groove, or it'll change. So, you aren't a failure unless you stop entirely and deem yourself one."

I puckered and relaxed my lips, still brushing the seams of my pants, while in thought. I do plan on working more after the year. I want to get better at art so I can make silly animations. 

My hands rested on my thighs. And if I do quit, I will still do what I can to make that dream a reality. I'll work anywhere else and keep saving.

I looked up at her. "Thank you."

"We're always here for you, Lyn. We'll support you no matter what," she popped up from her chair and offered me an arm up, too. "just don't drive us too crazy, okay? Unless you want Madre and Wicks to seal you away like a Rapunzel forever."

Wicks is already doing that, I thought as I took her offer. "I'd also like to make another thing clear." She brought me close and sharpened her gaze. "When you ask yourself what you want, don't think of the money as a way to pay us back."

"But,"

"We're here for each other. If things didn't work out between Ulysses and me, you all would be there, showering me with everything under the sun. It's no different from us to you, no matter what your brain tells you. Got it?"

"O-okay"

"Good." Charletta glanced at the chairs back to back with ours. "Are you going to hide there all day or give us hugs?"

"Sorry!" Wenna popped up from the chair. 

My cheeks were red with embarrassment. People passed us during this conversation, sure, though none were listening. Knowing Wenna was there the whole time, my cheeks were hot. 

"I didn't want to ruin your sisterly moment." Wenna came around the chairs to us. 

"You're allowed to join them being our sister and all too."

Wenna squealed and grabbed me first in the hug, then Charletta. "Yeah, I am!" Because of Wenna's height to me, we were nearly cheek-to-cheek.

I glanced up at Charletta as she squeezed us back. 

My mind was still wrecked, trembling when I thought of what had happened so far, but for some reason, whether it be my stupid determination or the feeling of wanting to prove myself, I wasn't keen on making a decision until after the holidays.

…

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

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Catch up, see some maps/art, or check the latest release dates down below  ↓ ↓ ↓ 

What I’d do for a Livable Income Part 2 (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[potato-jem]

hello nero my beloved soulmate!! <33

i’m back and i am already suffering from severe PHD (post holiday depression, i decided it is a thing). my friend left last night and i hate this. it’s so unfair that we live in two different countries and we can’t see each other as much as we would like to. i’ll probably see her soon, i should have another week off in august and we were talking about me visiting her this time so hopefully i’ll be able to go.

anyway, on to the trip!! it was so cool!! i mean the first week we stayed in tuscany, we went around florence and a few other cities around here, and we got tattoos!!! i told you about this already but they are so cute!!! our little irish dinosaurs (they’re irish because we met in ireland <3 they’re named saoirse and niamh).

then for the second week we went to rome!! oh it was so nice!! we found the perfect weather. it was always sunny and warm enough to go around in shorts, but never too hot not to be able to explore. we went for the usual places: the colosseum, the pantheon, the squares and fountains, all that. but also we accidentally found ourselves into the roman forums and they were amazing!! i’d never been in them, only seen them from above, but they are so big, you can see a whole city. but the highlight was ostia antica. it was this archeological site near rome and it’s so quiet because not may people know it. it’s an 84 acres site where you can literally walk into houses and shops and temples and theaters from the roman period. and it’s amazing because usually rome is very protected, like there are fences and barriers everywhere, you can’t get too close to a lot of stuff, but in ostia antica we could literally touch the ruins, walk through them and find our way back in a maze of doors and corridors. it was so cool!!! also that’s where i found the cats!! they were so cute and friendly 🥺

last thing before i close this letter. the food!!! oh the food. we found this little restaurant on the very first night, which was actually so close to the trevi fountain, and it was so cheap and good (very rare combination to find in the middle of rome). they had some of the best spaghetti i’ve ever tried. also we kept going back there in the next days so they recognized us and they were so nice because they offered us appetizers and wine and they always remembered that we liked to order three plates of pasta to share between the two of us. they were so nice!!

i really needed this trip. i needed to be off work for a few weeks and just disconnect from all the drama and stress. and the good food and wine helped a lot with that lol. but seriously i’m so happy, it was an amazing trip and it was so good to see my friend again after so long <3

but enough about me now!! how are you doing nero?? what have you been doing these last two weeks??

also, about our last letter, i am very happy that you are following my orders and planning a very relaxing trip :) you deserve to not even think about uni when you’re on a trip. and it’s gonna be so fun to dance to that kind of music!! can’t wait to hear all about that one!!

and i’m very happy you’re obsessed with me getting tattoos because this is turning into a sickness. i can’t stop now :’)

but here are my other two tatts!!! the little rainbow one is very simple but very personal. i’ve been waiting forever to get it and it looks perfect 🥺 (yayyy you can start booking stuff!!! that means tattoos coming soon!!!)

i’m enclosing a hug and a really big plate of cacio e pepe (a kind of spaghetti with cheese and black pepper) just because one can never have too much pasta <3333

hi cece my beloved soulmate!!!!

i believe phd (post holiday depression) is a thing, i get it every time. it’s sad that your friend has gone home, but think about august!!! that should be so fun!!!

i’ve seen pictures of tuscany and it’s so beautiful!! and yes tattoos!! the fact that they are irish dinosaurs named saoirse and niamh because you met in ireland is the cutest story behind a matching tattoo ever 🥺🥺

oh rome!!!! that weather sounds lovely, i’m glad it was around for the entire trip!! sounds like you got up to quite a lot!! i’m literally imagining you walking around and pointing out these little tourist attractions 🥺 but ostia antica sounds so beautiful. a whole 84 acres to explore and experience the ancient roman life?? i would go crazy in there, especially with all the cats!!

oh the food sounds incredible!!! it’s so amazing you found something good and cheap!!! but those people sound so nice 🥹🥹 i’m glad they also added to such a wonderful break you had! i feel like pasta now…

you definitely needed that trip!! just a refresh is sometimes all you need, and good food and wine are recommended to help relax by doctors actually 😌😌😌 but i’m so happy you got to see your friend after so long and i’m so glad that you enjoyed yourself!!!!

i’ve been doing alright!! i had my trip to sydney and my twice concert, and it was so much more fun than i thought it would be!!! so i took my best friend and a family friend of mine, and my manager from work came too, but we all booked our concert tickets together so it was me and my friends, my manager and her brother and his partner. (don’t even ask me how stressful buying six tickets was)

the japanese place opened up again, and we were staying somewhere even closer to it. we basically walked everywhere, because the train station is in the shopping centre next to the japanese place, and that was only ten minutes away. so i took my friends to eat more ramen than we could see and we shared a bottle of soju (my friends are lightweights and it was VERY funny to watch. i had to finish the bottle off though)

and then we did lots of activities on the tuesday before the concert and we went to that album shop and book shop again and i spent way too much money, cece’s orders 😌😌 i spent so much money in the album shop they gave me a free album and preorder benefit photocards (which are really rare!!) and i had to show my id in the book store because i bought a level one restricted novel (actually banned in my state, but my professors made me too curious), which was quite funny

the twice concert was so fun, literally everyone in the audience were dancing and singing, and i was gay panicking and it was wonderful! each of the members of twice also had a solo performance and they did so well! one of them, momo, had this dance where she HAD A POLE?!?!? AND SHE HAD NEVER POLE DANCED BEFORE?? she was so good, i will save your eardrums by not sending the video i took 😌

anyways, here’s the photo they posted at the end!! we are in the centre and slightly to the right <3 (i’m sure you’ll see me 😂😂)

and then we actually got the chance to go to the harbour bridge and the opera house, which are in the same place, so we didn’t waste too much time there! and then we went to this room of claw machines near the eateries and i managed to win two things!! (one of them i spent way too much money to grab out, but he looked so lonely and i had to get my son out 😭😭) and then we had gelato mochi, which my friend found. so they get a scoop of ice cream and wrap it with mochi! we all got two, because none of us can make a decision and it really was a good end to the trip 🥺

other than that, i am running a little behind on uni, but i decided to use some of my leave and take the week off work. i’m just going to smash out the essays i have due (and overdue) and i’ll probably be able to rest better during the big exam session 😌

i’ve been looking forward to seeing these two and you didn’t disappoint! the rainbow one is adorable and the font for the script on your ribs is beautiful!!! i think i might be addicted to your tattoo addiction 😂 (yay!!! i’m so excited!!)

i really wanted this cacio e pepe, all this talking of food made me hungry! i’m squeezing you back real tight and i’m giving you a bowl of ramen <3333333

[breakingbranchesbella]

Self-Indulgence; A Criminal Minds Multi-Fandom Fic.

Also found on Wattpad, Quotev, and Ao3 under the name BreakingBranches

Warnings: violence, gore, the usual criminal minds episode warnings.

Word Count: 14k in total, split into two parts due to tumblr’s restrictions.

CHAPTER 2 {PART 1}- I Am Not As Strong As I Pretend

Season 1. Episode 16. The Tribe

"Here."

  Cassie looked down at the torn off edge of a notecard. It had chicken scratch on it. A second, more in-depth glance offered the insight that it was not, in fact, hieroglyphics, but instead a series of numbers.

  "What?"

  "It's... a phone number... ever heard of those?"

  "I'm not that archaic. Why?"

  Morgan's right corner of his bottom lip protruded for a moment. He'd suck the top part between his teeth and bite down. He let it go with an exasperated sigh.

  "We all need to have each other's numbers eventually, call it a safety precaution."

  "Alright, then eventually." She'd push the paper back towards him. Dark hands raised in disinterest. "Keep it." Derek urged. He wasn't going to give her a chance to refuse him directly, and with a swift turn he was gone towards some other end of the parking garage.

  Cassie had half a mind to throw it away. Not because she harbored any ill intentions towards Morgan. Mostly the opposite, she just didn't deem it necessary. She hardly answered her phone. Didn't like it all that much. The countless missed calls and unread messages that clogged the tiny blue screen were a testament to that nature.

Though, she weighed the option of telling him she had blatantly thrown out the piece of paper when it came time for all numbers to be exchanged. Which wasn't high on her want-to-do list, so she'd keep it. Stuff it in the back back pocket of dark blue jeans and call it a day.

The parking garage being so full wasn't surprising, three government buildings sat just a few yards away, what was surprising was the fact she was staying. Actually, she was walking towards her car. It had a weird ring to it. It wasn't a rental, or from work. Her car. Technically someone else's given to her. Cassie fought off the urge to spend a few more moments meandering the cold and green-hued structure. She knew where the car was, she didn't want to go home yet.

Yeah, she had one of those too now. A home, a car, pretty soon she'd be registered as a functioning member of society. What a horrible feeling, really. Dark boots kicked up loose concrete just outside the car's driver's side door. The black forester wasn't her style. It stood out too much in her opinion. She hadn't peeled the decals off of the back window. It had been eight months. She should do that.

She got in the car anyways and didn't think about it for the next two weeks.

  The drive wasn't too far, only thirty minutes if you pretended to avoid traffic. Thirty-five if you didn't. Cassie lived in the suburbs of a neighboring city with a white picket fence and a perfectly mundane neighborhood. The house was blue with white accents and a brown roof. The lawn was taken care of, freshly mowed by some teenage boy looking to fund his future mustang. Cass didn't know how far he'd get with that, especially as she watched a gaggle of boys his age rush down the dark streets with bags full of convenience store items.

  The garage had two tall metal shelves on either side. Clutter covered every inch of open space. Holiday decorations, yard work tools, paint supplies, and more that was covered by the former. The forester slowed to a stop, then relaxed forward and jolted her in her seat. The nylon seats didn't offer much cushioning.

  Above her head was a blinding white light with a motion sensor on the fritz. It blinked on and off, and then on again. The door to the garage led to the washing room, and from there the kitchen. Cold white and black quartz was accompanied by walnut cabinets. Unlike the garage, the rest of the home lacked any sort of decoration. Instead of a couch she had a chair, and instead of a grand dining table, she had one found off the side of the road. The decor didn't match the rest of the home. Then again, neither did Cassie.

  All that was left out besides necessities were a few photographs on tall coffee table. She'd breeze her tan fingers past them every-time she walked past. The first few photos featured her and a group, though off to the side there was a handful of photos that were different from the others. The people in these pictures weren't wearing any sort of uniform. They were professionally taken at some park. A man, his wife, and their two children. A young girl, and a toddler. Those four individuals were featured in various poses, all still professionally taken. Some even in this home.

  She couldn't look at them for too long. She stepped around the table and moved towards the chair. She slumped down on it, her elbow rubbed against fabric that was ripping. It would last a few more months before her aimless movements had completely destroyed it. That was a problem for later. Right now she just wanted to—

  Beep.

  Do nothing.

  Beep.

  The same three numbers had been messaging her all day. Two of them had contact names, the third didn't. Booth, González, and an 800 number. She still wouldn't respond.

  Cassie was obviously full of great ideas, which is why she chose not to reach out to those wondering about her, and call a different number. She knew it by heart, dialing it instead of searching through a contact list.

   "Hello?"

  "Gabriel—"

 

  "Cassie? Jesus... it's almost ten, I just put the kids to sleep."

  "..."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Im fine. I just... I haven't found anything but..."

"I know, you miss her. But you can't call this late, not unless it's important. You promise you're okay?"

"I'm fine."

"The house treating you okay?"

"Just fine."

"Good. Then you have a roof over your head, and you say you're fine so I'm going to believe you. Im going to hang up now, ok? I have work tomorrow. I hope you do too."

"Wait. They're both asleep?"

"I'm sorry Cassie. I really think it would be better if you spoke to someone else about this. I know a few good therapists in the area, Talia used to go all the time. It really helped her."

"..."

"She'd want you to move on, you know. It's been almost a year now. You deserve to live too, and I deserve sleep at a reasonable hour. Call me if you need something, an emergency. Otherwise, please, don't."

"Alright, I'm sorry, I just wanted to—"

  The line went dead. A short buzz sounded in her ear, and then nothing. He had a point about the time, but nothing else really registered. More the therapy than the no calling policy. She could listen to instructions, she had been doing that for years. Yet the idea of not getting to speak to the last connection to Talia hurt. It hurt more than she could ever begin to explain. Emotions were never a strong suit, even worse so with the ones she couldn't control. It was like a pit in her stomach, akin to the feeling of nausea. She'd want to vomit, and nothing would be there. No remedy made the feeling go away.

  Slowly, she'd look around the mostly empty house. It was the opposite of a remedy, it made the feeling that much worse. That's why Gabriel hadn't fought Talia's will, he was feeling the same melancholic air that she was. Did most twenty-five year olds write a will? Probably, probably not, she didn't know.

  Reid most likely did. Or something along those lines. He'd have some statistic that felt made up ready to fire the moment something related back to it. That line of thinking led her to rifling through her jeans pocket and pulling out the crinkled piece of paper. She read the number off twice before dialing it.

  What was she even doing?

  "Derek?"

  "Hey— oh?"

  "Cassandra, Lorayne, from earlier."

  "Yeah I figured that out."

  She'd sit up straight in the chair, biting the bottom left corner of her cheek.

  "Sorry."

  "Huh? No, you're all good sweetheart. I just didn't expect you to call so soon."

  "Don't call me sweetheart."

  "Babygirl?"

  "I'm hanging up now."

  "Wait wait, I'll stop. Scout's honor."

  "Good."

  "Good."

  Cassie looked around the room again, this time she'd pick the phone up and head over to the fridge. She held the phone against her ear, not saying anything. Just breathing softly against the electronic device. It was late, but she was hungry all the same. Big girls needed big meals, or something like that. Talia always used to say it when she went on her breaks.

  "Well?"

  "Well?"

  "You're the one who called me. Did you need something?"

  "No."

  "Mysterious, I like that."

  "Please don't."

  "Alright alright, but seriously, you ok?"

  "I... yeah, no, I'm fine. Just," There was a sandwich wrapped in plastic. With a swift motion she pulled it out and tossed it beside her onto the counter. Grabbing a few other items, she continued, "A desperate single woman alone on a Sunday night."

  "Desperate and single?"

  "No. I was joking."

  "I picked up on that."

  "Oh."

  "I'm sure some of it is accurate though."

  "Which part?"

  "Definitely single."

  "Ouch."

  "You said it, not me."

  "I didn't expect hearing it to hurt as much."

  "Don't beat yourself up, we could start a support group."

  "For?"

  "Desperate single agents."

  "But Garcia."

  "Nah, she's too good for me. She deserves someone a little more reliable."

  "I'm glad that's your excuse."

  Cassie fought a frown off at his comment. Then she realized nobody was there in the big empty house to see her, so she stopped fighting.

  "I'm glad that you're glad."

  "Good."

  "Good."

  Morgan let out a grunt. Cass' brows furrowed upon hearing it. A cough caught in her throat as she tried to question him.

  "Are you—"

  "Fine, just didn't finish the paperwork I was supposed to today."

  "Not fun."

  "No, definitely not."

  "If I'm distracting you I can..."

  "It's good you called me. I have your number now, can't throw mine away."

  "I wasn't going to."

  "I'm sure."

  "Maybe I thought about it."

  "Heartbroken."

  "Apologies."

  "You can make it up to me."

  "How?"

  She had finished her monster of a meal. Frankenstein would be proud, and then possibly disappointed she was letting pickles touch the mayonnaise.

  "Tell me a little about yourself."

  "Like?"

  "Whatever comes to mind."

  "I like..." Green eyes were yet again surveying the room. "Home ownership."

  "Home ownership?"

  She thought about Talia.

  "And sightseeing."

  "Home ownership and sightseeing. I would have never guessed."

  "I lied."

  "Which part?"

  "Both."

  "And here I was getting the idea of you hiking through the woods in my head. Maybe your hobby is lying."

  "Something like that."

  "Nothing else comes to mind?"

  Even if sharing parts of herself had never been easy, she almost wished she would have had something to hide now. But there was nothing. Not one thing she could use to define her interests. Work, work, more work, and an obscene amount of tragedy. Greasy breakfast diners, protein bars, beaten down chairs. Those weren't great choices.

  "What about you?"

  "I enjoy hockey. And Kurt Vonnegut."

  "Pearls before swine?"

  "Mother night."

  "Grim."

  "Your choice isn't much better."

  "Not much of a reader. I'm trying to get better about it."

  "Self-improvement is good."

  "You think?"

  "That's what it means, no?"

  She didn't answer.

  "Jeez. Usually my late night calls are less entertaining but..."

  "You don't mean that."

  "Maybe."

  "But it's late, and you should go. Because we both have work."

  "When you put it like that, I guess we should."

  "Were you expecting anything else?"

  "Honesty?"

  "The supposed best policy."

  "Then, no. I wasn't."

  Her face burned.

  "Goodnight Morgan."

  "Hey— hey, it was nice talking to you. Goodnight Lorayne."

  She decided to be the one to hang up this time. Cassie wasn't sure she could handle the sting of the dropped tone a second time that night.

————————————

Getting up early wasn't unusual for Cassie. The normal nine to five had never been part of her skill set. She thrived off of the freeing feeling of absolutely nobody being around at the odd hours of the morning. Except in Quantico there was always somebody. A lot of somebodies to be particular. She had only been through the office once, but memorizing it hadn't been an issue.

Making her way through the glass doors she noticed Elle and Garcia were doing anything but talking to each other. They were staring at someone else.

She didn't get it.

Crossing her arms and standing next to them, she'd tilt her head to the side. "What is—?"

"Hi, Sean, I'm looking for—"

Good. She wasn't the only one getting cut off. Though the fact that it was Morgan didn't make her feel much better. He wrapped around the three women and outstretched his hand towards 'Sean.'

"Derek, and I'm guessing you're looking for your brother?"

The blonde who had just interrupted her, and subsequently received immediate karma walked off with Derek towards Hotchner's office. Elle turned to the two of them. "That's Hotch's brother?"

"Maybe he's adopted?"

Cassie looked to the side, as if there was supposed to be some sort of camera. A gag reel waiting for her. She still didn't get it.

"Why?"

Elle smiled, then hid it between tightly pursed lips. She blinked a few times. "Well, you see Hotch is... textbook agent and his brother..."

"—A forbidden siren with luscious blonde locks."

"That."

She rolled her eyes in disinterest. It clicked. No further questions or comments needed. Still Garcia bit the tip of a plastic pen between her teeth and snarled in his direction. Sadly the only person it caught the attention of was JJ. Her right eyebrow sat lower than the left, which would raise at an arch. "What are you three doing?" And instead of explaining anything, the BAU had to engage in the oddest morning ritual Cass had ever seen. The tall brunette took JJ by the wrist and led her over to her desk. Leaving Garcia and Cassie to follow along like lost puppies. The four crowded around the half cubicle and watch as Sean finally emerged from Aaron's office.

"Hotchner's brother."

JJ's gaze bounced between the three of them, and then back to Sean as he stormed off in a huff.

"I didn't see it before, now I do." Hotch's attention left his brother and found the four women unabashedly staring. JJ creased her fingers under her chin. She'd slip away from the group, only to return with a stack of Manila folders. Cassie and Elle were both handed one, the latter ushered for Cass to follow her towards a meeting room beside Hotchner's office. A moment later Gideon, Reid, Morgan, and Hotch joined them. JJ filed in behind and closed the door halfway. She passed out the remaining folders as she spoke. "Five dead, all from Mesa University, New Mexico. No sign of theft or sexual assault."

  The table was small, almost everyone's elbows narrowly missed one another as they sifted through the information. The sun was finally starting to rise, it glared in through the side of the building. Morgan raised a hand instinctively as the bright hues shone through. "There's not many defensive wounds. And one of them was impaled on a six foot pole." Derek's voice cracked at the end of his first statement, more of a question than not.

  "Why would you want to torture five college freshman?" Elle folded a page behind another and skimmed over the new one. The scrawny kid tossed his head sideways in an attempt to realign a stray strand of hair. He looked up and met Cassie's half smile. He coughed, then found interest back in his paper. "There's no way one single unsub could have had this much control over this many people."

  "More than two?" Greenaway responded.

  Pushing up his glasses, Gideon would respond. "More like a pack."

  "And that is?" JJ looked around, her hands between her cloth covered knees. Like an eager student in a silent classroom Cassie found herself interjecting. The epiphany of knowing the terminology properly filled her with a sense of pride, then as she was speaking, disappointment in herself. If her old unit could see her now, using the words that she was, they'd have her head on a spike. Playfully, of course. Hopefully. Maybe.

  "It's three or more that kill in unison, as it is in nature. Their survival is dependent on their hunt. Essentially, the killing is what keeps them together."

  "And they stay together until they're stopped."

  Nobody spoke up after Gideon for a long time, they were all still processing the case. It was grizzly, a little anachronistic. Usually torture fanatics followed methods employed by the English and eastern cultures. This was different.

  It wasn't long before the group was packing up and heading out. Cassie still wasn't used to the Jet. She settled into a white leathered seat towards the back. It was facing the walkway of the plane. She guessed it would be a four to six hour flight, somewhere in between those times. Which meant she had ample room for conversation.

  This wasn't necessarily a good thing.

  Reid, Gideon, and Elle were crowded around the few seats that were accompanied by a table instead of just open leg room. They chattered amongst themselves, sometimes about the case, sometimes not. Hotch chose to sit across from her. The single section seat wasn't pointed towards her, but he'd turn to face her anyways.

  "How long has it been?"

Cassie opened her mouth to speak, then closed it as she thought more intensely. She'd bit her bottom lip, thinking about events that happened before and after, creating a timeline of the good and bad to pinpoint an actual date. "Two... no. Yes, two years?"

"Two sounds about right."

"You haven't changed."

"You have."

She looked to the side, towards the three still talking. JJ and Morgan were asleep. "Is that a bad thing?" Her gaze still lingered on the back of Reid's head. He was going on a tangent now. Elle was fact-checking him. She knew he was going to be right either way.

"I think it is."

"I hope you're right."

Cassie leaned back, slowly peeling her head away and looking towards Hotch. His expression sympathetic. She'd curl inward instinctively, kicking off her shoes and pulling her knees as close as she could get to her chest. She knew what was coming next.

"Don't be."

Aaron cocked his head.

"What?"

"Sorry. Don't be sorry. Please."

"Alright. Then I'm not."

"It happens."

His chest would rise and fall with slow, calm breaths. "It happens?"

"It's the line of work we chose. If it didn't happen then, it was likely to happen another time. That's life."

"You're right."

"I know."

"Good talk Lorayne."

Any harder now and she'd puncture the soft flesh of her mouth.

"I'm sorry. I appreciate it, I do, but I just don't want to hear it anymore."

"I'm not mad."

"I don't care if you are, I'm just explaining myself."

"We don't have to keep talking about it."

"Please."

She tiptoed around the edge of desperation. Narrowly missing the tone that threatened to tug at her voice. It was time to work, not think about what had and what could have been.

————————————

  Despite the earlier conversation, Cassie still went with Hotch, Reid, and Gideon to the crime scene first. She didn't have the luxury of mulling over her feelings beyond the few hours given to her. It was time to work, no other way around it. She had spent her formative years adhering to a certain standard of professionalism. Still, mistakes were made. They were going to repeat themselves one day. For now, she'd swallow whatever lumped in her throat and move on.

  There was another rental van waiting for them. Same as they always were.

The steely black vehicle pulled parallel to the concrete just before the house seen in the photos. Yellow tape was tied in a loose box around the property. Two brown police cars sat parked, a few detectives and local cops were talking outside. Aaron tucked the plastic end of his sunglasses behind his ear and wasted no time in addressing the sheriff.

"Agent Hotchner, Reid, Gideon, Lorayne."

"Is this all?" The sherif peered over Hotch's shoulder towards the van. Nobody else was coming. Aaron didn't miss a beat.

"The other agents are at the station house checking out the victims files. What has forensics come back with?"

The older man rubbed the knuckle of his pointer finger against his nose in a sweeping motion twice before answering. "CSU went through trace evidence and prints, they think looking at the footprints would be a waste with all of the workmen coming through here. Follow me." He pulled one end of the long line of tape up so the team could walk under it into the house.

Cassie waited, she was staring towards the ground. Gideon caught her lapse in pace. "Something the matter?"

She shouldn't have been as nervous as she was. Well, she didn't feel all that nervous, it was more of a feeling of displacement. But that word felt too emotional for her liking. So she'd pretend it was nerves. Just nervous, not worried about what all she should be contributing to the team. Cassie would find her grove soon. What she really wanted to do was call the sheriff inane for not checking for footprints anyways.

Instead, like the charming young woman she was, she'd shake her head and follow after the other men. Her expression didn't really read charming, though, more annoyed.

The house was practically empty besides a few tables here, some blood splatters there. What was interesting was the mess, or lack thereof. In the photos the bodies had been skinned, yet the floor got away with only a handful of stains. Reid and Hotch picked up on it too, the scrawnier of the duo flipped through some of the photos with a fervor. Cass craned her neck over his shoulder and pointed her heels upwards. He was flipping too fast for her to concentrate on just one thing.

Finally he stopped skimming through them and looked back to her. His face changed. "Look at this." He held one of the gore filled pictures towards her. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to be looking at in particular. He pursed his lips at her confusion and spoke loud enough for everyone to hear his revelation. "Whoever did this purposefully avoided cutting the skin at the wrist and the throat. He was avoiding where the veins and arteries are closest to the surface."

It was the sheriff's turn to be confused. Cassie interjected. "They weren't supposed to bleed out, the intention was skinning them alive."

It wasn't just a brutal way of murder, it was a brutal way of torture. The sheriff flinched at the idea and shook his head. Again he'd brush the top of his nose with his knuckle. His head was down as he gestured towards the next room. Inside were bear cans, bottles, makeshift party games. Two sleeping bags, and one upstairs.

"Not the type of party to bring a fifth wheel to."

"It's unlikely that they were a fifth wheel. It's possible there was a third girl here." Gideon looked from Cassie to the Sheriff. Who looked to Hotch when he picked up where the former two had left off.

"Have your deputies canvas the area, see if anyone saw the other girl with them."

He'd nod and take a step towards the sliding glass doors. "There's one more thing you should see."

The group traveled out towards what was a dust filled backyard. A large metal spike sat covered in dried blood. Reid took a step towards it, then another one back. Cassie brushed past him and circled the thing. "He was alive when they impaled him, just like the others." The brunette's nose creased.

"This is going to sound strange, but, the way that these victims were flayed alive and- and mutilated, impaled, they're all war rituals that the Native Americans used."

"That ring any bell?" Hotch had taken off his glasses. Cassie preferred it this way. She could follow his eyes properly.

"It does. I mean, look around you, everything we're walking on is Apache land. This basin is a sacred burial ground. As I understand it, it was the sight of a handful of her massacres."

"So you're saying this development is on their land?"

The sherif looked back at Hotch. "It was their land. But they didn't want to build on it, so the town ended up seizing it."

Cassie crossed her arms. A few months ago the Supreme Court had ruled that cities could now seize private land for development. A lot of people were angry, not just Native Americans. She had nothing besides a gut feeling of different rational. She understood the BAU tried to think like their unsubs, and she was trying it too. But if she was them, murdering five college students wasn't how you get your point across. Maybe it was someone from the reservation, but there had to have been something else. A piece of information they hadn't gotten yet. A better reasoning for torture.

If it were her she'd set a building on fire. Not kill drunk teens.

"Have there been any violent outbursts on the reservations part?" Gideon leaned back on his heels and flicked his stack of photos through the air. In response the sherif only shook his head. He was looking down at his feet again.

"Anybody on the reservation you think is capable of this?"

"I wouldn't know, it's federal jurisdiction."

The lines of Gideon's face seemed more prominent. Maybe the heat was getting to him. The bottom part of his nose twitched.

"Sounds like that's where we need to go."

He'd make his way back through the sliding glass door and towards the front of the house. The Sherif followed soon after. Hotch nodded towards Cass and Reid, who were both evidently distracted with something else. Cassie was still debating the possibility of a reservationist and Reid was too busy staring at the bloodied spike.

"You two," they both turned. "Get our girl on the line, see what she can find."

Hotch was following Gideon, and Reid was following Hotch. Cassie had nobody's number besides Morgan, hadn't been given the chance to get any yet. So she'd just meander behind the brown haired man as he spoke to Garcia on the phone. He'd given her a rundown, any Apache on the reservation who fit the profile of a right's activist. A moment later Reid handed the phone to Hotch. A few more seconds went by before Hotch turned to the sheriff. "You familiar with Blackwolf?"

"He's been in a bit of trouble related to his activism, yeah, nothing's ever been violent though. And certainly not around here."

"Should we call the reservation police to alert them anyways?"

The sherif got an odd look in his eye. He'd turn his head, swap the flesh of his cheek back and forth before his mouth opened with a click. "I don't think that's a good idea. Blackwolf is the reservation police."

Looks were exchanged, but this was nothing new to any of them. Or at least it wasn't to Cassie, and she hoped the others were in the same boat. Military was a whole different world. A lawless land that found it couldn't run without those laws. So they'd appoint new people to new positions, the only problem was the police there weren't being asked to detain regular citizens. They were being asked to arrest soldiers. Trained killers. For their country, of course, but that didn't mean those skills couldn't be used elsewhere. From a first day private to a Navy SEAL, Cass had seen it all. Those guys were good, she had to learn to be better. Maybe not stronger, but smarter. 

The black van tumbled down the gravel road that filtered into dirt. Gideon sat diagonally to her, they locked eyes through the rear view mirror. She was getting a little tired of this. "You don't think it was him?"

All eyes were on her now, even Hotchner made the attempt to look back through the mirror. Though his attention was mostly on getting them from point A to point B without any casualties.

"Did I say that?"

"No, but you don't look very confident."

She didn't say anything to that. The vehicle bounced against the lack of road. It was almost as jarring as the sounds the van made throughout the trip. It narrowly pulled through an open grated fence. There were no parking spaces, but stopping before the woman standing and watching them seemed appropriate in some people's eyes. The sheriff's busted car rolled to a stop alongside their own.

"This is Jane Bear, Jane, these are FBI agents. Gideon, Hotchner, Reid, Lorayne." Cassie shook her hand last, it was cold, well taken care of. "Miss Bear is the principal of the reservation school here and the president of the tribal council." Busy.

Cass wasn't the only one thinking it. At least she had the decency, or something else, to keep her mouth shut. There was a clear standoffish nature about her. Not that she was rude, or that she didn't have any right. Cass could empathize with something being taken from you. In this case it wasn't just freedom, she couldn't extend her understanding beyond that. She wasn't going to try. It was a shitty situation. Shitty government. And yet she was here like a lapdog on a leash, as per usual.

"Where's John, Bear?" He rested his hands on his hips. Like a lightbulb turning on, it clicked for her. "I'm sorry— is this about the Terra Mesa killings?"

"They just want to talk to him Jane."

"Blackwolf has done more to help this place than anyone, he wouldn't jeopardize that. Jim, you've called him countless times to find lost hikers. He's not a violent man."

"No, but he'd defend his people if he felt he needed to."

"And that relates to Terra Mesa how?"

Hotchner cleared his throat and took a half step closer. "If John considers the development an attack on Apache land, then..." Jane pursed her lips and turned on the heel of her beaten boots.

"Those developers have paid people a lot of money to move. With so many gone we can barely fill a single class."

Who they could only assume was Blackwolf stood in front of an old green chalkboard. The class was full, but the students looked to be a fair bit older. She'd guess the younger students were more dispersed between classes. The current subject was history, there were scribbled dates on the board and maps hung over every free inch. She heard someone whisper beside her, and there stood Reid mouthing the answer to every question. Until he was given the opportunity to answer someone else's question. Hotch shot him a dirty look. He got the memo after that.

"John, I'll take over." Jane's brows raised as she quickly attempted to deescalate the rising tension. He'd make no attempt to hide the large knife he pulled from the desk drawer as he followed the group outside.

It was Gideon's turn to do the introductions for everyone. Except there were no firm handshakes or pointing this time. Just a harsh puff of air through his nostrils and an attempt at reading them. "You look like a college professor. You look like his student. You, well you look FBI. But she's not." He paused, tilted the end of his knife towards her. "Military." She'd sat through her fair share of distaste in her profession. It came with the territory. No reason to argue over it.

"We're with the Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"Then you ought to know better."

Hotchner squared his stance. "How do you figure?"

 

"We don't massacre. You two do, your government."

"Mr. Blackwolf,"

Cass frowned, she grabbed the stack of photos she had in her bag. Pressing them into his hands roughly, she'd swing the pack over her shoulder. "What am I supposed to do with these?"

 

Gideon attempted to play damage control. "You're an expert in Native American customs. We want your opinion."

He'd flick through the photos, his eyes widening ever so slightly. He tried to hand them back to Cassie, but she crossed her arms and stared blankly instead of taking them back. "I need to see the sight, I don't make opinions off of pictures." Which was a relatively privileged way of thinking, but nobody had the capacity to argue with him.

From one place to another, they were back at the house. Blackwolf was intent on checking the grounds outside. Maybe he wasn't entirely dense.

He proved her right, and then wrong a moment later. Reid had gotten curious, and poked the wolf.

"Why don't you carry a gun?"

"Twenty-one feet."

"Excuse me?"

"Ask your friends, they're heavy-handed."

Hotch smoothed his hair under the end of his glasses. "The minimum distance an attacker with a knife can travel before someone with a firearm can react."

Which was correct. What wasn't was solely relying on that fact. Cass didn't like the statements always and never, there was always a sometimes. But her sometimes and Blackwolf's were different. He'd rather run, she'd rather aim to kill. Difference in reasoning she supposed. Didn't make her like him anymore. Her opinion was middle ground. Better than most people got.

Being egotistical wasn't something that was a required personality trait for the FBI, even if most agents were. Cass bit back the smile when Blackwolf made his first stop the back of the home, and subsequently the dirt beneath their feet. He looked between the photos and the scenery and then stood back up.

"They used war rituals, sure, but not solely Apache rituals. Not one tribe ever used all of these techniques, at least not like this. They'd know that if they were Indians."

He walked in a slow circle.

"There was a sixth woman here. She was ambushed, there. At least two sets of footprints. Six back there."

"You're saying there were eight?"

"Maybe more."

Gideon cut in, "Eight perpetrators, one hostage."

————————————

The station house lighting was dark, dreary. There wasn't much in the way of legibility of the papers taped to cork boards that littered the short hallways. The BAU had been a board that moved and half the space of a cramped office. An unhappy officer was pushed out to an open desk, however the briefing seemed to redirect that anger elsewhere.

She'd prepare herself for the 'who's it' portion of their conversation. Reid started, he spoke of their inability to understand practical Apache culture. Their knowledge of it was important, but it wasn't that of a native's. More someone staring into a room without ever hearing the words spoken. Morgan took over afterwards, covering the topic of surrendered identities in these groups. Whether they followed religious, racist, or political ideologies, they didn't think of themselves as individuals, but as parts of a 'greater' whole. Hotchner and Elle took turns. They put faces to names, referencing other groups with similar motifs and behaviors. Kidnapping was the hill they were dying on, it's what made it different. Whoever the girl was had been important enough to keep. Slaughter wasn't their only goal, which meant it could have been a sign of domestic terrorism.

The earlier, disgruntled cop turned his nose up at the profile. "These are Indians we're talking about though, right?"

Cassie's imagination came and went in waves. Currently she found herself putting Blackwolf's head on a small slider of like to dislike. He was going up a little more, she was able to appreciate how he shut the other man down.

The conversation ended shortly thereafter. The profile was finished. Nobody had anything else to add. There just wasn't enough evidence to immediately point fingers. And where they had, had already been ruled out. Reid and Morgan stared towards the moveable board, photos and papers littered the entire expanse. Cassie thought about following the other four members of the group into the office besides their impermanent one.

"Hey."

She no longer thought about following them. Her brows curved upwards as she met Morgan's gaze. The other occupant of the room wasn't paying attention. Cassie took tentative steps forward, closing the gap so she could lower her voice. Someone else hearing the ensuing conversation would 'knock her street cred'. That's what she told herself.

"Hey."

"How was it?"

"I wanted to apologize—"

They had both spoken at the same time. Awkwardly she clasped her lips shut and looked towards the single office desk in the room.

"Apologize?"

"Don't worry about it, I don't want to anymore."

Derek laughed. She felt childish. In another life she wouldn't have cared. That was still this life, she should be doing better. As though a switch were flipped she crossed her arms and hardened her expression. Not angry, just apathetic.

"It was fine, earlier, I think we shared the most important pieces with the 'class'. Well, beyond Blackwolf being a caricature."

"Of?"

"I'm not sure yet. Something. You should know."

"I get what you mean."

They both let out short, heavy breaths.

"Well?"

"Nothing just wanted to ask you about it."

Her eyelids creased. Reid was only just now paying attention to their conversation. Which was sign enough for her to stop talking. Thankfully, a second later JJ peered around the corner and informed them they may have a suspect. Roy Minton, founder of what he called the American Defense Unit. In short, racist fueled militia. Not a very well kept secret. Not an uncommon group capable of committing murder in the way they had. The ADU sounded a lot like the Bible that some military men read. Whatever had been beaten into their heads made them think they were deserving of the end all be all on how this country should be run. If they needed to do that through force, they'd find a way. Nine times out of ten she ended up arresting them for their ideologies taking them too far out of the normal standards of society. Hatred bred fear, and fear breeds violence. The cycle never stopped. Not here.

Not long after and Minton was being lead through the various hallways towards, well, just another office. They didn't have a free interrogation room on hand. So he was shoved in there with Hotch. Who requested Morgan join him. It was a little brazen, a little unprofessional, but Cassie pushed her way through the door right behind the latter. She got a quick look, but nobody seemed to tell her to leave. Interrogations were her thing. Technically, everything was her thing because it had to be. She was still trying to relearn that she could trust her team.

Derek pulled a free chair and swung it around on one leg until it was facing away from Minton. His posture tensed up for a moment. He avoided eye contact with Morgan at first. Only seemed to feel that Hotchner was the person worth speaking to.

"Mr. Minton, do you have any idea who might be behind the Terra Mesa killings?"

He lulled his head to the side, and loosened up a little. "The Indians have a long history of violent outbursts. You know the Apache used to kill white settlers. Put their heads on pikes."

"That was a long time ago Mr. Minton."

"No. That was the other night. They killed those college kids, I'd know, my family has been dealing with those Indians for a hundred and fifty years."

Morgan's hands clasped around the back of his chair. He leaned against the cool leather rim of the seat. "That rhetoric is the type of thing people use to justify their own violence."

He was abashed, unnerved by having to speak to Derek. He couldn't make eye contact. "We're fighting them in court, not in someone's backyard."

"You don't usually need twice as many guns as your men for a court case." Cass' nostrils flared as she let the right part of her hip lean against the desk besides Aaron. Her arms crossed under her chest.

"Exercising our constitutional right."

She'd scoff, maybe it was a laugh.

 

"It's our right to protect ourselves, our home."

"You're paranoid."

"Not in this day and age."

Which was as paranoid as it could get. Indians weren't his biggest worry. Or they shouldn't have been. Cassie's laugh signaled to Hotchner to talk over. The rest of the interrogation was short. A few questions about his members, a few questions about the lawsuit. They'd let it go after that.

The group gathered in the small office, Aaron called the sheriff in to join them. Cassie pressed tan palms to the rough wood of the desk and push herself up until she was sitting on the edge of it. Elle and Morgan spoke loudly back and forth. They shared similar views on the type of person Minton was. However, from what they had learned he wasn't shaping up to be a great suspect either. He was a racist, sure, but he was mostly using it as a stepping stool. He was money hungry, but money required labor and labor required a purpose. Mob mentality. He'd use it to get what he wanted. This made him less likely to commit the acts himself, and more likely that it was small group of people he riled up.

"Have some of your men put Roy under surveillance."

Gideon shoved his hands in his pockets.

"You really think it's him?"

"No, but he's likely to lead us to whoever it is."

The sheriff didn't get to ask any more questions. A light ringing tone sounded from Morgan's pocket. He pulled the device out and flipped it open. Holding up his left pointer finger he murmured 'Garcia.' "What do you got for me?" Silence, then a compliment. He closed the phone and nodded a few times. "Garcia thinks she found our sixth victim. Fingerprints match up." He slid the phone back into his pocket and moved behind the desk Cassie was sitting on. "Ingrid Greisen." It seemed whatever they were looking at was the full ID of the young woman. Which she doubted was actually in the county's system, so Garcia must have sent it over. She turned slightly so that she could watch the others watch the screen. Hotchner leaned over Derek and pointed. "There's the address. Elle, JJ, Morgan, let's go." Which meant the rest were supposed to sit here and mull over invisible evidence. Not her preferred method of solving cases.

It was getting late after that. The sun was setting around eight, but Cassie chose to stay anyway. There were a few officers who went in and out. She watched them, preferring a corner of the wide open space instead of squeezing into the small office. Someone had lent her a laptop, which she was grateful for. And then not so much when she opened the first tab. In hindsight, she shouldn't have been so optimistic. She closed out of a few things and tried to shake the images from her head. Not as bad as they could have been, but she didn't need to see in-depth advertisements for hair plugs.

Being a new member left her with little say, or at least she deemed it that way. Where she was from the newbie always caught the most flack. Here wasn't too awful, she was treated with respect.

There was still a divide, however. Whether it be from worldview or something else. The team was close. She was trying, and failing, to not find any attachments here. So, instead of moping around any longer over the disconnect, she put her feeble internet skills to work. Logically in a 'tight-knit' community like this, there were bound to be groups beyond the ADU. Because tight-knit didn't exactly mean friendly, it simply meant everyone else was in each other's business. There were online forums, groups, meetings at local libraries and mom and pop shops everywhere nowadays. If someone had an opinion, someone else had to disagree. But it couldn't just be one voice, they had to prove that the fact they were disagreeing was important. So they'd make fliers, MySpace posts, you name it. If they didn't like blue flowers, they'd call themselves the people in protection of the red plants. Which would spark outrage, which would spark a million other disagreements. Everyone had to share their opinion.

She tried to remember what she was like when she was a nineteen-year-old girl, what would have caught her attention? Nothing that a proactive teen would have liked. So she started over. Something catchy, something that would make people feel like they were accomplishing a goal. A couple of slow and meaningless clicks took her to a forum she found pretty interesting; only for the imagery before her to change. Instead of a fuzzy blue screen, sat a black tweed bag. A palm landed flat on the tiny makeshift desk beside the laptop.

"Miss Greenaway."

"Lorayne."

Cass couldn't make out if this was a good expression or a bad one. The similarly tan-toned woman cocked a brow. "Come on, the others are headed to the hotel. You're rooming with me."

Silence followed.

"Don't look so disgusted."

"Sorry."

Elle grabbed the bag and took a few steps back.

"Well?"

Lorayne didn't budge, she was trying to find that forum again. "Well what?"

"They want us out of their office space."

"No, they don't."

"No, but we should give it back anyway."

"They won't use it." She was having a harder time navigating the machine for some reason. Maybe it had just been a miracle that she had been able to in the first place.

"Are you the type to work yourself to death?"

This comment grabbed her attention. She looked up cautiously and shook her head. There was a hint of genuineness to her voice. A hint of confusion too. "I'm not. It's only nine."

Elle's bottom lip hung open. "What can I say to get you to come along?"

The other debated then frowned and closed the laptop. "I'm coming. I'm hoping this isn't some sort of drinks after the workday type of ordeal."

They made their way out of the building, Elle took the lead as they walked down the street. There was enough semblance of a put-together town for that to be okay. Neither of them were worried about the figures that lingered behind them in the dark. Cassie could only guess there was some dinky motel down the road, and using the large rental vans wasn't needed for this trip.

"I can't believe you think so little of me."

Greenaway's tone was a little taught. Playful or not, best to play it safe. "Not really. I wouldn't blame you too much."

"Wow, how thoughtful."

"Sorry."

The streets were illuminated with bright neon signs, they did more work than the streetlights. It seemed every other was busted beyond repair. Some flickered, others were shattered from however long ago. "What were you and Hotchner talking about?"

She'd turn her head while walking. "Why do you ask?"

"Small talk. You're new to the team and we haven't spoken much."

"Do we need to?"

"Are you always like this?"

Cass pressed the tip of her tongue against her cheek. Her lips pursed. "Not always."

"You and Morgan seem to be friends."

"I could say the same about you and Reid."

Secretly she was hoping that comment would elicit a reaction. They locked eyes, both hoping for the same thing. It didn't come in the way they were looking for, but they'd laugh anyway. Elle's was cathartic to hear. Cassie's was stifled by her embarrassment.

"I'm sorry." She waved a hand after composing herself.

"Stop saying that. You can say sorry by telling me what you and Hotchner were talking about."

She was getting tired of having to owe people. "Does it have to be truthful?"

Elle thought about it for a moment, almost genuinely pondering her question.

"Preferably."

"We used to know each other."

"Well, I figured that much."

"That's about it. He asked me how I was, I think."

The sidewalk got worse the further they walked. Which probably meant the hotel was close. Within another minute or so of walking it was across the street. A two-story little thing, painted blue with brick accents. There weren't many cars parked outside. Save for a BMW and a rental.

"Hotch took care of the room arrangements earlier. JJ lucked out, a whole room to herself." Elle flashed the one steel key on the metal ring. Their room was on the second floor. Two beds were covered in what was a scratchy wool decorative blanket. Two hard pillows, a thick white comforter that was tucked tightly beneath the mattress. It felt like what home was supposed to be.

Rifling through the bag she had taken from Elle, she pulled out a shirt that would look to be a little tight on her. She'd strip her own off anyways, and then her bra, and then her pants. Blatantly in the corner of the room. Little to no shame. Cass pulled the tight, graphic T on over her toned arms.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Elle opted to change in the bathroom. Lorayne didn't get it.

————————————

[xaykwolf]

Why I was gone for like...two months:

So as some of y'all know, as part of my psych doc program, I have to do several year-long trainings without pay as exposure experience. Well, last July not only did I move apartments in one of the most stressful times of my life, I also started a training site at a behavioral health hospital for peds and adolescents.

Over the course of the last 7 months, I witnessed and had to hold space for some of the most severely-ill kids that our society is only happy to continue neglecting. During that time, I was expected to help them find hope and some behavioral changes with very little support from the organization (and, up until half a month ago, from my supervisor as well). I lost my appetite completely and somehow still managed to gain weight, I now have gray hairs when I didn't even grow them under my emotionally abusive supervisor during my intermediate training year, and I began making far too many serious jokes about suicide and homicide. I already don't get enough sleep, but I got even worse somehow, and took up a coffee brand with the highest caffeine content I could find. I obviously dropped off the face of the Earth here, and I stopped being able to engage in pretty much every other thing that brings me joy in life. Our caseloads climbed to extreme just before the winter holidays, but we were assured that it would dwindle again after we got back from the week. They did not. We lost two therapy students, one for health reasons, and one for bureaucratic bullshit during that first week back, and so those of us who were left behind were left holding the bag. We were then informed that major structural changes were going to be made to the partial hospitalization program we have, with little control over how it would affect us and very little notice as to when the changes would be made. To make matters worse, as an advanced student I had also taken on some diagnostic duties. That meant I was working with a practically full caseload and doing testing alongside it with insane deadlines for reports. I tried to let my supervisor know that I needed these dropped or at least reduced, then we got 23 referrals for testing in a single week. The diagnostic students went from 1-3 cases to 3-4 at a time, which is not viable in the slightest, and I knew things were gonna get even worse. And then, the heart palpitations started. I'd wake up with squeezing chest pains, especially on practicum days, and they no longer went away throughout the course of the day. I already know my genetic destiny is a cardiovascular nightmare, so I knew something had to give. I talked to my school, and they decided that I would be pulled from the site BUT because I couldn't finish out the school semester, I will have to redo my entire advanced training year. They may have me set up to go to a private practice site that aligns much more closely with my philosophy and needs, but as of right now I'm waiting to see if I scored an interview. If not, it's back to round 2 of applications for next year YET AGAIN.

All that to say, now that I'm finally officially out of my position at the hospital site, I'll have more time for things like Tunglr. It may take quite a while before I recover, all things considered. Tuesday is the first day I would usually be back at prac for the week, so that may be when my soul can finally acknowledge that it's over and I'm not going back. I've learned quite a bit about myself personally and about how I work as a therapist, so I can't say I regret my time at the hospital per se, but I know things will be much easier if I can score a position at this private practice for next year. In the meantime, I'm choosing to try and push it out of my mind. I've got my last two regular classes to finish, and I've got time to devote to catching up on my dissertation. I reconnected with a buddy with intention, and he and I are doing the parallel play of working on recreational skills we want to learn while talking over vidchat. (I've finally started on a Bee AMV that I've been wanting to make for years now!) I've got video games, and maybe streaming(?), to get back into.

I've made the decision to choose my heart, both physically and metaphysically, over an expedited academic path, which is not the choice I would've made a few years ago. So I don't know how long it'll take for things to go back to "normal" here, but I'm at least back on the right track for myself. Progress and all that. 💙

[billikatchoo]

ipbm test

i witnessed the shattering of our moon. although many will claim now to have experienced the moment, having in reality only seen the footage, on that day same as any few were looking to the sky before they heard the booms. and everyone heard the booms.

the last week of december is hard on everyone. holiday travel leaves far too much time to think, to contemplate the past year and its changes and what pain and pleasure will come with the next. this year i was happy to travel with my lover.

we flew to maryland this year. it was a fine xmas, snowless unfortunately but that’s to be expected in our warming climate. i was nervous about introducing her to my mother, and more so my sister, but the trip was uneventful. that is until we left.

we woke up late that morning, having wasted too much time the previous evening drinking wine and packing our bags and indulging in the intimacy we have been blessed to find in each other. snow in the north left us without concern, only a three hour delay. we chose to spend the time in our terminal; she thought it prudent, i saw an opportunity.

we spent all of two hours lounging on that ugly carpet, sharing one set of wired earbuds and one masterpiece of a conversation. the chaos of the previous week left us with little time for each other, all of which was spent maintaining our affections and our respective body heats in the chill nights on the bay. i don’t admit it much, but my recollection of this day is dominated by those hours we spent with our backs against each other. how she braided my hair, how she laughed more than usual, how she seemed optimistic for our future together; i burned these moments into the folds of my brain like petroglyphs on canyon walls.

a few days previous was the full moon. a cold moon on the eve of xmas is a special occasion for everyone. we spent this rarity as anyone would, and consequently have little memory of it. we were amongst many who wished they had savored the moment. had we known that was our final evening basking in the full glory of her beauty, everything would have been different. that was one lesson we all have to learn the hard way: you will one day gaze upon the face of the one you love for the final time, and you will be blissfully unaware.

her beauty had already begun waning by the end of the week. she was however still largely visible on this crisp and clear winter’s day. my memory is vivid; i stood at the window wall by the gate watching planes take off and land and take off again as i waited for her to return with snacks i could care less about. the sunlight glared off of every surface; the brightness was overwhelming and i sought solace in the moon. it was in this moment it shattered.

it is trite by now to describe it as surreal, especially with every aspect of our reality becoming increasingly so with each revolution. in the moment, i was so certain i was daydreaming. it just broke apart. it cracked and scattered itself like a projectile egg. and that was the last humanity saw of her face.

moments later sonic booms, at first to be foolishly assumed by many to be the sound of this great calamity, were heard in every region of the country. this was quickly deduced by some to be no more than the sound of martial mobilization, a well documented impulse in this country. the details would later be unceremoniously revealed in the following months of news coverage.

my lover returned to me snacks in hand and confused, but not as confused as me. i was speechless, and it was all i could do to point at the sky. as vividly as i remember the moment of shattering, i can imagine seeing again the tears well up in her eyes and slowly rolling down her cheeks, void of any other expression. i relived that moment every hour of every day for the next year.

in the next few hours we learned that this was the result of the first test of the space force’s new ipbm, the inaugural interplanetary ballistic missile. the test proved successful only by the means they had expected to measure. in every other sense, it was an unprecedented failure. it answered all our questions about space bombs, but raised infinitely more about humanity’s history and place in the cosmos.

this was the day we learned that the moon, our moon, the very one we’ve worshiped and written poems about, the one our dogs howled to, the one that pulled the tides while glimmering the beauty of its light across the water, was in reality, at least our reality, a hollow megastructure put in place in the far distant past by beings more ancient and more advanced than we are genuinely capable of comprehending.

in the following days, people talked about nothing else. in the following months people began asking questions. in the following years, scientists began investigating. we were never given answers.

not real ones, not satisfying or even conclusive ones. we can only imagine the implications for our past and our future. in the present the effects of our hubris are self-evident. you didn’t need to be an oceanographer to see that the tides had lost their potency. the impacts on aquatic species are still being documented. the extent to which it exacerbated the extremes of each season will always be up for debate. it was clear that this was a new era for humanity.

a reminder of this day will exist forever in our sky. a broken moon fragmented and strewn across the firmament. a reminder of this day will exist forever in her face. i will relive it with every tear that falls upon it. and those memories will resurface with only positive feelings of the lovely day i spent with her.

[linzsaw]

My Monthly Favs What’s in my cup:

Every morning I drink iced coffee made from my one & only Nespresso machine. The past few months I can’t get enough of the double espresso blend, and then I add a bit of whole milk (happy cows only) and sweet cream. I can’t find anything better from Starbucks or anywhere else. Sometimes if I’m craving a hot drink, I’ll head to Dutch Bros for a hot Carmelizer and it is totally worth the cringy 9 minute forced convo with the DB crew. I also start my day with electrolytes, currently in the watermelon flavor. It’s surprisingly really delicious but I miss the Electrolyte Synergy blend that I was drinking for a long time, which has been sold out for almost a year now. :’)

What’s on my plate:

Dinner lately has been the laziest in America. After our trip, Drew & I either have the same ole chicken, rice and veggies, a spicy “mexican bowl” or some form of pasta, usually with Raos Arriabatta sauce. This week we’ve been stuffing our faces with Trader Joe’s frozen meals. We promise to be better next month, but we are really exhausted and the last thing we feel like planning are meals. However, for the last week of December we actually have some things planned for the holiday weekend. On Friday, we’re hitting up the town as we do every year to walk around and see the lights, and find festive little bars to try out new Christmas cocktails. We plan to spend Christmas with just the two of us. For Christmas Eve we are making our annual corn beef, cabbage and carrots because apparently we are super Irish (confirmed by 23&me which btw leaked all my genes to hackers). On Christmas we are having tri-tip, garlic & butter brussel sprouts, and mashed potatoes. The Christmas cookies we’re making this year include White Chocolate Cherry Shortbread cookies, Peanut Butter Blossoms, & Holly Leaves. Okay and now that I’ve told you all that, the Christmas cocktails we decided on this year are The Mistletoe Kiss (a vodka, soda water, rosemary & cranberry drank) and Bad Santa White Russians. I also heard that Moon X Pinot Noir from Trader Joes was really good and lately the Redvolution just isn’t doing it for me.  Let me know if you want any of these recipes, ladies. I will make sure to find GF, DF, and V options. 

What’s on my bookshelf:

I’ve finished two of the Colleen Hoover books, and now I’m reading another one of hers called Verity. It’s kinda depressing but that’s kinda the vibe as of late so I’m into it. 

What’s in my playlist:

We love the Sia Christmas album. It’s so fun and happy. Believe it or not, Andy introduced me to it lol. It’s so good!! Other songs I’ve been into are I remember everything by Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves. It reminds me of a family member rn which is very depressing to me. Fun to cry to. Bubble - STAYC, Surround Sound - JID 21 Savage, Baby Tate, Adora Hills - Doja Cat. 

What I’m up to:

Making our house into a winter wonderland of lights. Watching hella hallmark movies. Being seriously lazy, not working out or eating healthy. Walks with Snoop around the park. Mandala scratch off nightscapes. Reading at 3am when I was jetlagged. I had a sleep study this month too, no sleep apnea for me, back to mouth taping! It really does help with quality of sleep for me. You should try it! Also magnesium spray on my feet (shout out to Aly). This has helped with my restless leg syndrome that we’ve all experienced. This weekend, we’re making all our foods and cocktails, going downtown, driving around with hot choc to look at lights, and heading up to Rocky Mountain to hike a bunch of mountains. 

Skincare Saviors:

My skin gets so dry in Colorado, its TERRIBLE. And now that I’m saving for a house, I had to break up with my amazing esthetician, who by the way I stole this template from. I’m obsessed with Dermlogica thanks to her. I use a miscellar water if I wore any make-up. If not, I just double clease with my face wash. In the AM I’ll use my Rosehip Triple C+E Firming  Oil, followed by COSRX snail mucin essence, and a magical mix of calm water gel and intensive moisture balance. 

Love you long time,

Li

[givereadersahug]

Fic Rec 💚 Matchablossom - 2023 Birthday Edition (SK8 the Infinity)

My birthday is next Thursday!!! 🥳🥳🥳 And what's better way to celebrate than talking about the stuff I enjoyed the past year?

First up, Matchablossom!

Kaoru and Kojiro and the whole gang was such a comfort in 2022. I can always count on SK8 to elevate my mood whenever I feel down, esp Matchablossom. 🍵 🌸

Here are some fics that I adored reading in 2022 -

Title: the elements of entropy

Author: ailurea

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 11,606

Summary:

Kojiro's goal has always been to start his own restaurant, so he makes a plan to skip university and train with chefs all across the world. Kaoru refuses to let him go alone. (Alternatively: Kojiro and Kaoru—then, now, and forever.)

---

Title: the skateboarding chef who can't stop thinking about his best friend

Author: architecture_in_f1ll0ry

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 4,217

Summary:

This week, a mostly-straight man has casual flings while navigating an intriguing relationship with his childhood friend: 26, single, Okinawa.  Inspired by the Sex Diaries series in The Cut.

---

Title: How Little We Know

Author: beelligerence

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 13,902

Summary:

Kojiro sighs softly and smiles, mostly to himself, as Kaoru talks. He really doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life wondering ‘what if.’ And he doesn’t want to wait any longer, not when he’s already waited long enough. “Hey, Kaoru,” Kojiro says, interrupting Kaoru’s current train of thought. “What do you want, oaf?” Kaoru asks, irritated. “Will you go out on a date with me?” Kojiro has spent more than half of his life in love with Kaoru. He’s tired of waiting.

---

Title: Facade

Author: bitterheart

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 11,964

Summary:

The first time Kojiro hears from Kaoru after the breakup is after six days of radio silence. He's using his clipped professional tone that he usually saves for work phone calls when he says, "I was reviewing our—my calendar, and I realised that we sent an RSVP to your family holiday next week." "Right." Kojiro turns the burner of the stove off and presses his phone a little harder against his ear. "I'll, uh. Give my parents a call." "You haven't told them yet, have you." It's not a question, and Kaoru isn't gentle about the way he says it. Kojiro loves him—used to love him for that sort of thing. Two weeks after breaking up, Kojiro and Kaoru attend a holiday with Kojiro's family and pretend they're still together.

---

Title: Misfire

Author: bitterheart

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 10,404

Summary:

Kojiro pauses for a moment, carefully considering what he's about to do. He takes a breath, and sends: Show me how you'd sext. Kojiro accidentally sends Kaoru a sext meant for someone else. Things get a little out of hand.

---

Title: The Himbofication of Nanjo Kojiro

Author: crinklefries

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 30,378

Summary:

The thing about emotional consequences is that they have all of the gut-punch, full body aching of a physical consequence. They are all-encompassing, overwhelming, terrible, and completely inescapable. In this case, Kojiro could have easily avoided the emotional consequences to his actions if he had just tried. But he hadn’t—because Nanjo Kojiro is nothing if not a complete fucking idiot. And it was no one’s fault but his own that he had agreed to hook up with his best friend. * * * Kaoru comes up with the great, great idea to become friends with benefits. Kojiro listens to him. Now why did you go and do that, Kojiro?

---

Title: rose and shining dew on every buttercup

Author: faintneko

Rating: General

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 4,534

Summary:

Kaoru has a little shadow and Kojiro thinks it’s the most hilarious (sweetest) thing to ever happen.

---

Title: home is an anchor

Author: Marks

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 12,968

Summary:

It had been a long time since Kaoru had properly appreciated Okinawa. Sometimes his clients would come from the mainland, or even overseas, and they always seemed so impressed by things that Kaoru always took for granted. It was like that fake story about frogs staying in gradually boiling water; maybe growing up around it meant that Kaoru could never see what was so great about it. Or maybe he just needed to take a step back and examine it from a new angle. Perspective was very important for calligraphy, after all, and it was giving him an idea. Kaoru is stressed out, so he decides to go on vacation, but stay local. Obviously, Kojiro comes along.

---

Title: it's always been you

Author: onlydaisy

Rating: Teen

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 22,811

Summary:

Kaoru isn’t in love with Kojiro. He repeats this to himself each morning, when his phone lights up with a ‘good morning’ from Kojiro, an hour later when he shows up outside his door to walk to school and greets him with a tight hug, and then consistently throughout the rest of the day as Kojiro continues to make him suffer. Kaoru isn’t in love with him, he won’t let himself be.  Or- Five times Kojiro and Kaoru almost kiss, and one time they do.

---

Title: the heart is a mirror

Author: sepulcher

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Word Count: 9,880

Summary:

“Let’s get married,” Kojiro said. (It was the phenomenon of being so close to something that you lose the details, or knowing something so well and so confidently that you don’t bother to look twice.)

---

Title: tangled roots, steady waters

Author: wintersrose616

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Word Count: 7,357

Summary:

“If you behave,” Kaoru drawls, raising an eyebrow, “I will.” Kojiro’s lips part, an answer of some sort on the tip of his tongue, but before he can say anything, a familiar, metallic voice rings out through the studio. Your appointment is at 2:30, in half an hour. It’s time to leave.  Both Kaoru and Kojiro freeze before Kaoru sits up, any intention on continuing this path for the afternoon gone, replaced by a mask of smooth, but false, professionalism. “No—,” Kojiro starts, but Kaoru’s running a hand through his hair, smoothing out tangles as he ignores him. “Thank you, Carla,” he calls.  “Kaoru— ” . As pseudo dads of three rambunctious teenagers on top of their day jobs, they don't often get alone time. or, five times Joe and Cherry get interrupted, and one night they get to themselves.

Check out my other Matchablossom rec list.

[behind-th3-scenes-scripter]

Tbh i love school but its the stress that makes me want to die, too many damn assignments, the inconsistent shit every damn day.

For context, my school is a laboratory school where they let graduating teachers have some experience in teaching, basically an educators school.

like, we have a sense of pride of being students of this school, we’re proud because we, as kids and adults from the ages of 4 to college age that we got accepted to this school, it gives us this proof to the outside world that “we’re smart! Adaptable!”

like, my school knows that they give a lot of assignments and that it stresses us out, the teaching interns, student and the student’s parents. So, they give us one free day a week to do our assignments, it used to be on Friday but now its on Wednesday so now there’s a cut between our schedule and makes it even more stress inducing because you know that its due tomorrow.

and then the absolute SHIT OF A SCHEDULE, LIKE WE HAVE 4 CLASSES IN A DAY BUT THEY ARE 2 HOURS EACH, ATTENTION SPANS ARENT MEANT TOBE THIS LONG, AND THEN;

the wednesday free day, aside from the stress inducing fact that you have class the next day, it cuts off the flow of your week and most of us take two days max to finish the given assignments (we have lots i oh f assignments)

and then theres this thing about holidays, there are lots in the philippines, so they usually move it to Friday.

so when theres a holiday it goes like :

Monday, Tuesday, oh no class today!, Thursday, HOLIDAY.

and then we have to make up for the missed lessons the next week adding more homework to be due in the next two days.

i canstillspew words but im tired asf and its almost 10pm and i have school tomorrow

[abrushwithdeath]

((Hey, everyone!

I wanted to give an update on things while I have some time! I'm okay, I'm still here, and I've got no intentions of fully leaving! I've just been very, very, busy and incredibly stressed out, so on my days off, I've mostly just been... relaxing and playing games or watching youtube or reading because my brain refuses to cooperate with me long enough to get more than a couple paragraphs of writing done... if that ^^;

Now, to give a more thorough update for anyone who's curious about how soul crushing retail jobs are and why, exactly, I've been having a terrible time of things lately... (This is gonna be long, so feel free to skim or ignore it entirely):

Basically- I work at a retail store where we sell a lot of home decor and furnishings (including outdoor furniture) and such. Bed Bath and Beyond went out of business and they were literally like just down the street from us which means that, now, we're the biggest retailer of that kind of stuff in the area... which wouldn't be so awful if that didn't mean such a MASSIVE rise in our inventory levels the last month or two. The worst part? We were informed just last week that our inventory is only going to grow even further in the coming months. Which is especially annoying for me because, as the soft home coordinator (meaning that I'm the lead for the section with dec pillows, throws, all bedding, bath, curtains, rugs, etc) my inventory levels, specifically, have gone up the most drastically. I've already had just over a 33% increase in bedding, alone, and closer to 40% for JUST outdoor pillows compared to what I had last year (other sections have seen about a 15% increase, to give you a comparison), and, as I said before, it's only supposed to get worse from here. The biggest issue with that is that we're a store that is on the smaller side- like, we're a retail chain store, yes, but our actual, physical, space in our store, specifically, isn't that big. And we were already running at almost full capacity BEFORE the increase in product. Our sales haven't gone up much to cover the increased inventory levels, either, so we've got a backroom full of back stock (in our store, we aren't supposed to have ANY back stock, mind you- it's not like walmart or something, we're meant to get EVERYTHING out that we get in each week before the next truck) and we have nowhere to put it. We've done intensive markdowns every week for the last month. To put it into perspective- our markdowns are usually one half of the store one week, then two week after that we mark down stuff in the other half (markdowns usually take a day and a half with 3-4 people doing them, but it's been a 3 to 4 day process every week currently with even MANAGEMENT helping to get things marked down). The last 2 weeks (and the first of these 4 weeks, too) have included full markdowns in my sections, specifically, because they're trying to sell stuff to make space for all the extra inventory that I'm getting in... but nobody is buying the marked down stuff either, really, because we just don't have the kind of sales to keep up with this. It was chaotic before, but now we're literally at Christmas levels of inventory (which is, as with most places, the time when we get the most stuff in) but without the sales levels that we have at the holidays.

So what I'm saying is- work has been super stressful and everyone, especially in lead positions (my position and higher) have been all but ripping our hair out trying to figure out what to do with everything because there's WAY too much stuff and not enough sales to make up for it. I usually have one aisle and a couple B-endcaps of markdowns that then sell down to be just the one aisle. Currently, I have an aisle and a half, 9 B-endcaps (which is all of my back endcaps except ONE), a bedding fixture, the last 4 foot section taken out of 4 different aisles, a half wall (between 5 and 6 feet tall, 16 feet wide) and an 8 foot section of the back wall that are all JUST markdowns from my section alone. That is THAT much space that I don't have to put out new stuff (and they're sending 2 trucks a week instead of just one now). To make matters worse... our store doesn't count marked down stock as "inventory" so they don't account for the space that it takes up when sending things (aside from the one aisle for each section that's designated as clearance)... which is just... so fucking stupid??? We've also got to start thinking about holiday inventory coming in because we're supposed to be getting Halloween stuff early next month.

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So... TL;DR: Retail sucks and I'm not paid nearly enough for the stress that I've been under lately from work ^^; So me not being around much is literally just because I've been exhausted from work. I'm really, REALLY, hoping that my vacation next month will be enough to help me relax a bit. I'm not going anywhere- I just needed to NOT be at work xD

With all that said- I'm sorry for not being here much. It's just been a lot. I've mostly been reading or watching stuff on my days off because my brain cannot and will not cooperate with writing. In good news, though- I've been re-reading and annotating my copies of the Hunger Games books because I know the prequel movie is coming out this year, and it's been kind of making me want to write (which is how I got that one reply done the other night xD). So HOPEFULLY that'll continue to help!

In the meantime, thank you to everyone who has been patient with me. It means a lot to know that I can come back here and still have a few people who will want to write with me <3 Ya'll are fantastic and I love you so very much <3

Take care and I'll try to get to a thing or two tonight or on Friday when I finally have another day off!))